#nate was back to the sidelines again

[sleazyjanet]

so essentially nate's arc boiled down to going back to whatever the fuck he was doing and being paid for in season 1 (maybe even less), sidelined BUT now he's confident and happy about it, smiling in support of everyone. oh, and he has a girlfriend.

wow.

this sucks.

(and i might have more elaborate thoughts about this later but right now i'm just boiling and pissed and annoyed and, frankly, deeply disappointed)

[cantstoptheimagines]

Golden Boy (Dani Rojas | Ted Lasso)

Summary — All Dani wants is your attention.

Warnings & Other Tags ➳ Fluff; co-workers to lovers; some canon-typical cursing (mostly from Roy); feigning excuses to see one’s love; Dani being Dani (a golden retriever); Roy being a frustrated, unintentional wingman; Reader is a physical trainer for AFC Richmond.

Notes ➳ Word Count is 1,735. ➳ Reader is gender neutral (they/them). ➳ This work has a visual edit!

FAQ | Masterlist | Fandoms | Requests | Coming Soon | Schedule 

“He’s doing it again.”

Ted furrowed his eyebrows. His eyes sharpened beneath his dark sunglasses. Next to him, Roy and Beard had their attention focused on something other than the players on the training pitch. Nate was merely shaking his head. Ted, however, felt his face burst into a cheerful expression when he noticed what he gained their attention.

Across the pitch, Dani Rojas was very slowly going through some drills, weaving between some cones with an occasional limp as he gently kicked a ball. It would be very unlike him to be so subtle during practice, if he didn’t have his preferred audience, that is.

From the sidelines, you were watching him carefully. Your hands rested on your hips while your eyes were unwaveringly set on his left ankle. It was something he had been complaining to you about for a few days.

“That’s the third fucking time this week.”

Roy’s grumbles forced Ted out of his thoughts. He tilted his head and grinned, “Oh, c’mon, Roy! Don’t tell me you never had a crush someone? Dani’s just experiencin’ some classic symptoms of puppy love right now. I say we let this run its course.”

Ted ignored the way Roy rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. Even from the other side of the training pitch, it was easy to see how well you and Dani got along. Dani was always happy, of course, but whenever you came around, his smile had a tendency of becoming ten times brighter.

But what was good for Dani wasn’t always good for the team, much to Ted’s disappointment. Richmond’s happy-go-lucky striker had gone from Greyhound to Golden Retriever the moment he met you. And the fact that you were one of the team’s physical trainers didn’t help. You practically had Dani at your beck and call without even realizing it.

And Dani was either too shy to start a conversation without having an excuse for doing so prepared or he was genuinely turning into the biggest klutz on the team. After his ‘injuries’ began occurring on an almost daily basis, however, two things became clear.

The first being that, despite his sweet disposition and undeniable good nature, Dani Rojas was a damn good liar when he wanted to be. It had taken everyone weeks to see through his façade.

And you, who seemingly had no clue about Dani’s stunts, had officially become what was potentially the worst type of person in all of sports. The type that every locker room loathed and every coach feared. A distraction. 

“Oi! Rojas!”

Ted jumped at the sound of Roy’s sudden angry shout. Despite being on the other side of the training pitch, Dani did as well. While Ted had become lost in his thoughts, Dani had stopped doing his drills altogether. Instead, he had moved to stand mere inches away from you, smiling brightly as he absentmindedly played with the hem of your shirt.

It was something you didn’t even seem to notice, but his teammates, along with Roy, certainly did.

“Get back to fucking practice!” 

Ted watched as Dani bid you a quick, quiet farewell. He then scurried onto the pitch to join the rest of his team. If he had a tail, it would certainly be between his legs.

“Sorry, Coach!” he called, face flushing with embarrassment. “Let’s play, mis amigos!”

This was a small victory for Roy. He let out a satisfied grunt, watching with his hawk-like eyes as you quickly made yourself scarce. Ted, meanwhile, couldn’t help but give his fellow coach an exasperated stare. Beard tried to keep a smirk off his face while Nate simply shifted awkwardly. 

“Really, Roy?” asked Ted. “Really?” 

The man in question scoffed, furrowing his eyebrows with a scowl, “What? He’s back on the pitch, isn’t he? That’s where he’s meant to be! Not off chatting on the sidelines!”

Ted shook his head, quietly muttering, “Seems to me you just don’t want Dani to find true love.”

“Now wait just a fucking minute—!”

“Uh, guys,” said Beard, voice shaking, “hate to interrupt the friendly chat, but I think we’ve got a problem.”

It was then the other coaches realized what he was referring to. On the training pitch, Dani was on the grass, groaning loudly as he clutched his ankle.

“Oh, shit!” exclaimed Roy.

Each of them quickly ran onto the training pitch. Nate quickly grabbed his phone before following, ready to call for help if it ended up being an emergency.

The players had surrounded Dani, trying their best to help him. His face was twisted in pain. He curled into himself and rolled onto his side. Beard kneeled next to him, removing his sunglasses in order to get a clearer view of the situation.

“What’s going on, Rojas?” he asked. “What happened?” 

“¡Ayúdame! Coach, please!” exclaimed Dani. “¡Mi tobillo! The right!”

Nate winced, “Do I need to call—?”

“Whistle! Whistle! Hold it!” shouted Roy, eyebrows sinking even deeper into his irritated expression. “I thought it was your left ankle that was fucking you up? Not the right?”

Even Dani himself paused at that. The chaos of the moment dimmed. He could see smirks growing on the faces of some of his teammates while others simply shook their heads and returned to practice.

“That’s it!” grumbled Roy, reaching down and roughly pulling Dani to his feet. “C’mon! We’re settling this shit right now!” 

Ted glanced at both Beard and Nate, who each had concern written across their faces. Meanwhile, Roy was practically dragging Dani by the back of his uniform in the direction of the Richmond clubhouse. Ted grimaced at the sight, and muttered, “Why don’t you two stay here and watch the team? I’m gonna try to help ‘em sort this whole thing out.” 

Before either of them could so much as blink, Ted had spun around to follow an angry Roy and a shaking Dani. His quick pace led him into the clubhouse. His footsteps echoed loudly as he did his best to catch up to the other two men. 

Ted caught up just in time to witness Roy roughly opening the door to your office. It slammed against the wall so hard that Ted wouldn’t be surprised if there was a hole left behind.

You nearly wet yourself at the sudden scare. Your heart pounded within your chest. Adrenaline, along with complete and total confusion, flooded through your body as Roy forced Dani to stand in front of your desk. You hardly even noticed Ted watching the scene from the doorway, anxiously biting his nails. 

“You’ve become a fucking problem,” glared Roy.

The disgusted expression that crossed your face nearly made Ted sick. Your lips curled and your eyes narrowed, “And you haven’t? You nearly ripped my door off, dickface!” 

Roy paused, seemingly taking in your words as he stared at you. Finally, he grunted, “Look, we just need you to fix him.” 

Your eyes followed in the direction he suddenly began pointing. When your gaze met Dani’s brown eyes, Ted and Roy noticed the way your glare softened.

“Dani, I told you this already,” you chuckled, shaking your head. “I think your ankle’s fine. Just wrap it up and elevate it tonight with some ice, you’ll be good for the game—”

“He’s not injured,” interrupted Roy. “The team’s ‘golden boy’ here is a liar—”

“Okay!” exclaimed Ted. The look of displeasure once again blooming within your eyes gave him a reason to finally leap into the conversation. “Now, I don’t think Roy meant that in the way it sounded.”

Your shoulders seemed to lose their tension as he spoke. Instead of glaring at Roy, you gave your full attention to Ted. But honestly, Ted wasn’t sure if that was better or worse in their situation. 

“We just think Dani’s got somethin’ to tell you about that ankle of his,” he continued, and then he gestured to the footballer in question. “Ain’t that right, Mr. Rojas?” 

Dani, who had been admiring you from his place in front of your desk, froze when the three of you looked at him expectantly. He twiddled his thumbs at the sudden attention, “It is true. I have been lying to you, my friend, but I meant no harm by it. My reasons were innocent! ¡Prometo!” 

Dani admired the confused expression that overwhelmed your features. You always looked so wonderful to him, no matter the emotion. He only hoped you wouldn’t be upset with him.

With an encouraging nod from Ted, he continued, “My ankle was never injured. I have been lying in order to, well... I only wanted to spend time with you. But my actions seem to have only brought frustration to my teammates. I am sorry.”

You tilted your head with a small smile when his voice trailed off. Leaning back in your chair, you chuckled, “Dani, you’re so sweet... but I already knew you were faking.”

“You did?!”

You blinked in surprise at the sound of all three men shouting in unison. They stared back at you in shock, though Roy in particular seemed to be feeling some irritation as well. You tried not to grin as Ted ripped off his sunglasses, eyes wide with disbelief. And the way Dani tightly gripped the edge of your desk, leaning forward with a dropped jaw, was also quite amusing. 

“Uh, yeah! You footballers aren’t exactly what I would call subtle when it comes to flirting,” you shrugged, shaking your head at them. “Plus, Colin told me about it weeks ago when he came in for me to look at his shoulder. I’ve basically just been waiting for you to gather up enough courage to ask me out, but it seems like I’m gonna have to take the first step. So, Dani, why don’t you pick me up at seven?”

Ted had never seen someone look so happy. Dani smiled so excitedly, Ted thought he might put the sun out of business. 

“Yes, yes!” exclaimed Dani, back to his usual enthusiastic attitude. “A million times yes! I will see you tonight! Oh, I cannot wait to tell mis amigos! Let’s go, coaches!”

He whooped and cheered loudly as he quickly left your office. Ted and Roy watched him leave. While Ted sported a wide, happy grin, Roy looked on in bewilderment. After a moment, however, he turned to you with yet another glare.

“You couldn’t have fucking done that sooner?!”

[hopefulromances]

can you do protective jamie with she/her reader?

ALWAYS. I can ALWAYS DO protective Jamie.Also has this trope been done a lot? Yes. Does that mean I will not contribute? Absolutely not.

You loved being in Physio. You got to stand on the side of the field, feel the excitment of the game right on the front row. And everyone knew who you were. You were Jamie Tartt's girl.

"Jaim, make sure you stretch out you hamstrings, yeah?" You instructed him as you helped him stretch out his back. "It was bothering you last time."

"Heard yah," he answered, bending over to strech as instructed.

The other team started coming out of the tunnel for their warm ups, walking down the sidelines to greet some of the Richmond players. Today we were playing Crystal Palace, nothing to serious, just a standard middle of the season match. Then you spotted him.

You whistled at Jamie. "Prick at 12 o'clock."

Jamie glanced up from his stretching and clocked the person you were referring to. That was, of course, Max Powell, your Ex, and a defender on Crystal Palace.

"He's headed this way?" Jamie checked, not taking his eyes off of Max.

"Yup."

And headed he did. He strutted right up to where you and Jamie were working, not even bothering to acknowledge Jamie.

"(Y/N), hey, good to see you," he greeted, kicking his legs a bit.

"Hey, Pow" Jamies stood up straight and puffed his chest out a bit. "You good, mate?"

Max shot Jamie a glance, as if he forgot he was there. "Tartt."

You rolled your eyes, packing up your physio bag as the two men compared sizes. Max Powell was a capital 'A' asshole and had been the whole time you dated. But since you got your job at Richmond and finally had a group of people who supported you, you were able to leave him and find Jamie.

"Alright, boys, I'll see you both on the pitch," you excused yourself, turning to leave. As you did though, Max reached out and grabbed onto your arm. You immediatly flinched away from him, yanking your arm out of his hand.

Jamie flared up, moving between you and him. "Watch yourself, Powell."

"Woah, woah, woah," Max threw his hands up. "I was just trying to get her to talk to me."

"Well, she doesn't want to talk to you," Jamie bit back, making himself even taller.

You grabbed onto Jamie, pulling him back towards you. "It's fine, Jamie. Max, he's right, I don't want to talk to you." Max opened his mouth to say something but you turned around and walked back towards the Richmond seats.

Max tried to walk after you but Jamie blocked his path.

"See you on the pitch, right?" Jamie growled, looking down at the man.

Max looked right back up at Jamie, his stare hard. "Right."

The match was tough. Both teams playing admirably making it a stalemate at nil-nil most of the match. You were on the edge of your seat, watching them run back and forth on the pitch. But, there seemed to be extra animosity between the team. Specially between Max and Jamie.

Max was there everytime Jamie tried to go towards the goal. Knocking him off the ball, or stealing the ball away from him. Jamie would land on his ass and jump back up immediatly before chasing the ball down again.

"Woah, that was a hard fall," Nate commented, glancing over at you.

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head as Jamie shouted something towards Max. "Yeah, it was."

You walked back to your seat and sat down. As you watched Jamie, you could tell his hamstring was bothering him. It always did when he played too rough. You'd have to work on it during the half so he didn't pull it.

As soon as the whistle was blown signifying the half, you marched over to Jamie.

"You're hamstring is bothering you isn't it?" You started, walking alongside him as you started into the tunnel.

"Fuckin Max Powell, getting in me fuckin' head," he muttered, angrily, hopping on one leg as he tried to stretch out his hamstring.

"Don't let him get to you," You muttered back, walking shoulder to shoulder with him.

"Hey, Tartt!" Right on cue, Max's voice came from behind. "Nice game on the pitch, huh?"

Jamie started to turn but you grabbed onto him. "Just keep walking."

"Whatever, fuckin' pussy."

There was no way Jamie was ignoring that. You moved out of the way as Jamie spun around to get in Max's face. "What did you just say?"

"I called you a fuckin' pussy," Max spat at him. "Can't play for shit, can't moved for shit, can't fuck your girl for shit." There was inches between the two players. You knew Max's schoolyard taunts were just getting to Jamie because of their similarity to his father's taunts. "Why don't you move out of the way and I can remind her exactly what I did for her."

In an instant, Jamie was slamming Max against the wall. "You can talk to me all you want, yeah?" Jamie growled into his ear. "Talk your shit about me. But if you EVER, talk to her or about her again I will end you, do you understand?"

Jamie's voice was low and dark in a way you'd never heard before. It sent chills down your spine as you went to seperate them.

"That's enough, okay? Max, get back to your team, Jamie. Locker room. Now." You pulled Jamie away from Max who stared, shellshocked as you and Jamie walked down the hall.

As soon as you rounded the corner you smacked Jamie's upside the head.

"What the fuck was that?" You grabbed him and pulled him down to kiss him eliciting a gasp of surprise from Jamie. "Fucking idiot."

Jamie pulled back from you, a confused look on his face. "What the fuck was that for?"

"You almost beat him up for me?" You stated, hitting his shoulder.

"Ow! Stop that!" Jamie cried, grabbing your arms and pushing them against your sides. "I just didn't like the things he was saying bout you is all."

You smiled at him, feeling a warmth fill your chest. When you were with Max, he never would have defended you like that. He never would have cared enough to threaten anyone. Not that you needed to someone to defend your honor, but Jamie's passion for you was so beautiful.

"Thank you," you said softly, biting your lip. "It's... sweet."

Jamie's face broke out into a cocky grin as he realized you were into it. He released your arms and slide his hands around you waist.

"Oh, so you think it's hot?" He crooned, pulling you close to him.

You pressed your hand against his chest, shaking your head at him. "Whatever, now I regret telling you."

"No, no! Say it again, you like me defending you."

"Not happening."

He leant down and kissed you again, gently. You couldn't help but laugh a bit, knowing he was doing it to turn you on. But that would have to wait. You pushed him away.

"Alright, go stretch you hamstrings properly now," You instructed. He saluted before jogging off towards the locker room. "And Jamie?"

He turned towards you. "Yeah?"

"Do win that fucking game."

He did. They won 2-Nil with an expert goal by Jamie Tartt.

[kodaloveschris]

Forgotten

**just to clarify, I know Matt and Chris would never do this but this idea wouldn’t leave my mind**

Nick Sturniolo sat on the couch, staring blankly at the TV screen. The show playing in front of him was just background noise to his swirling thoughts. Today was supposed to be special—a day dedicated to spending time with his brothers, Matt and Chris. But as the sun dipped below the horizon, it became painfully clear that they had forgotten about him.

He checked his phone again, hoping for a message, a missed call, anything. But there was nothing. The last text he sent had gone unanswered, just like the ones before it. His heart ached with a familiar pain. It wasn’t the first time he felt sidelined, but it still stung just as deeply every time.

Nick’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. He looked up to see Matt and Chris laughing as they entered, clearly having enjoyed their day. The sight of their carefree faces sent a surge of hurt and anger through him.

“Hey, Nick!” Chris called out, not noticing his brother’s pained expression. “You wouldn’t believe the day we had—”

Nick cut him off, his voice trembling. “The day you had? What about the day we were supposed to have together?”

Matt’s smile faltered, realization dawning on his face. “Oh, Nick, we—”

“You forgot,” Nick said bitterly, standing up. “You completely forgot about me. Again.”

Chris stepped forward, confusion in his eyes. “Nick, we didn’t forget. We just got busy—”

“You got busy,” Nick snapped, tears welling up in his eyes. “And I got left behind. Again.”

Matt crossed his arms defensively. “Come on, Nick. It’s not like we planned this.”

Nick’s anger flared. “You never plan to forget me, Matt. It just happens.”

Chris sighed, shaking his head. “Nick, we’re sorry you feel this way, but—”

“But what?” Nick interrupted, his voice cracking. “You don’t get it, do you? I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter to you guys.”

Matt and Chris exchanged an uncomfortable glance, unsure of how to respond. Before they could say anything more, there was a knock on the door. Nick turned away from them, wiping at his eyes angrily as he went to answer it.

Standing there was Nate, their best friend, with a concerned look on his face. “Hey, Nick,” he said softly. “Can I come in?”

Nick nodded silently, stepping aside to let Nate in. Nate took one look at the tension in the room and focused on Nick, his eyes full of empathy.

“Nick, let’s go for a walk,” Nate suggested gently. “You need a break.”

Nick nodded again, grabbing his jacket. As they left, he heard Matt and Chris calling after him, but he didn’t turn back. He needed to get away, to clear his head.

They walked in silence for a while, the cool evening air helping to calm Nick’s racing thoughts. Finally, Nate spoke. “I’m really sorry, Nick. You didn’t deserve that.”

Nick sniffed, looking down at his feet. “It just hurts so much, Nate. I keep getting my hopes up, thinking this time will be different, but it never is.”

Nate stopped walking and turned to face him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You deserve better than this, Nick. Your feelings matter. You matter.”

Nick looked up, his eyes filled with tears. “Why can’t they see that?”

“They’re caught up in their own world,” Nate said softly. “But that doesn’t excuse them. You need to tell them how you feel, really make them understand.”

Nick nodded, feeling a bit stronger with Nate by his side. “I just feel so alone sometimes.”

“You’re not alone,” Nate said firmly. “I’m here for you. Always.”

They continued their walk, talking about everything and nothing, until Nick felt ready to face his brothers again. When they returned to the house, Matt and Chris were waiting, their faces etched with worry and a hint of defensiveness.

“Nick,” Matt started, his voice shaky. “We’re so, so sorry if we made you feel this way. But we didn’t mean to—”

“You did make me feel this way,” Nick said quietly, his voice steady now. “You forgot about our plans, about me. And then you acted like it was no big deal.”

Chris stepped forward, frustration evident in his tone. “Nick, we had things to do. It’s not like we meant to leave you out.”

Nate stepped forward, his voice cutting through the tension. “That’s not good enough, Chris. Nick needed you today, and you let him down.”

Matt and Chris exchanged a surprised look, not used to Nate’s assertiveness. Nick stood beside Nate, silently watching them, waiting for their response.

Chris sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, Nick, we messed up. We’re sorry, okay?”

Matt nodded, his expression more earnest now. “Yeah, we should have been more considerate. You matter to us, Nick.”

Nick hesitated, feeling torn between hurt and the flicker of hope in their words. Nate squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, silently urging him to speak.

“Okay,” Nick said finally, his voice soft. “I hear you. Just… please don’t forget me again.”

Matt and Chris exchanged a solemn glance before stepping forward to pull Nick into a hesitant hug. Nate stood back, watching with a small smile, knowing that his intervention had helped bridge a gap that needed mending.

As they held each other, Nick felt a mixture of relief and apprehension. Healing would take time, but with Nate’s unwavering support and his brothers’ acknowledgement, maybe they could start rebuilding trust. For now, it was enough to take that first step towards reconciliation.

[blue-bujo]

Bowled Over (Roy Kent x Reader): Chapter Two

You work at a bowling alley and a young girl named Phoebe has a birthday party there. You catch her uncle's eye.

Roy Kent x female reader

Will try to update roughly every two weeks

Chapter Two: Being Better

Words: 1.2k

Warnings: Roy Kent-level language (you know what you're in for), discussion of mental health, past medical trauma

Author's note: A short one this time around, but I'm quite proud of it. They get longer after this. Enjoy getting a look inside Roy's head!

Roy Kent, the whistle-less manager of AFC Richmond, was done thinking about women. And he was happy being friends with Jamie Tartt, and he wasn’t at all hurt that Keeley Jones was now back into women after he was her last man. Doctor Fieldstone had helped him figure all that out, and she had pissed him off doing it. He respected her for that. Roy Kent told himself that he could handle being Just Roy.

So why was he still mad, a week later, that he had been Just Roy at Phoebe’s birthday party, and that fucking Just Roy had been distracted by an incredibly fit woman at the bowling alley? Why did it matter so much that her hand had brushed his?

The team had noticed that something was off. Beard, Nate, Higgins, and Will had even convened the Diamond Dogs to address it, but Roy had firmly shut it down. Only Jamie was close to figuring it out, bless him, and that was only because the little prick had been at the birthday party. He had the full context. Once he put the pieces together, Roy knew it was only a matter of time until he blabbed it to the other Greyhounds, so he had to get himself under control before then. If he had to be a bit more brutal in training to wear them out, then so be it.

After a particularly rough training in which Isaac was on the verge of attacking Roy, Beard pulled the manager aside.

“Whatever you have going on, Roy, you need to cut it out. Your opponent is the other team, not your team. These boys are about to break.”

Roy growled. If only Beard knew! But then he looked at the pitch, and his team being dejected all over it, and knew Beard was right.

Fuck.

“Oi! Circle up!”

The players did so slowly, cautiously. They looked at him like they were expecting him to blow up. He hated that.

“I’ve forgotten that this is a game that we’re supposed to play. For fun. That’s on me, and I took out my shit on you. That was… wrong of me, and I’m… sorry.”

“Is it shit we can help you with?” asked Dani Rojas, the only player who wasn’t quaking in his boots expecting Roy to snap. He was such a golden retriever, it was unbearable.

“You don’t know what’s going on in my life for a reason, and I’d like to keep my shit my shit,” said Roy, because he didn’t want to have a repeat of his team’s involvement in his relationship with Keeley. Not that the girl at Phoebe’s birthday party was even an option. He’d never see her again, and he didn’t care. “Just deal with your shit, and I’ll deal with mine, and I won’t get carried away at training again. Deal?”

All of the guys rumbled their agreement. They looked relieved, Roy noticed. Then he noticed Sam Obisanya’s hand up. “Yeah?”

“Coach, I think in this situation, we should all remember what Coach Lasso used to always say was the happiest animal.”

Joining in, Nate added, “Sam is right.”

With a roll of his eyes, Roy allowed the smallest of smiles “I will try to be a bloody goldfish. Now get out of here. We’ve got Brighton in two days, and I don’t need you lot dying on the pitch before then. The bus leaves tomorrow at half-ten. Dismissed.”

AFC Richmond all parted ways there, and Roy eventually found himself sitting on the sidelines alone. He enjoyed his life – of course he fucking did – but he was reminded of what he’d had before he’d started managing the club and trying to better himself. He’d had people. They hadn’t been perfect, but he’d had places to hang out other than his empty house. Now he was technically above them, and it would probably be inappropriate to hang out with his players.

Trying to be better made you feel like shit.

He had to go inside; sitting out here alone was too depressing. But he didn’t have to face the team if he stayed out here, and he didn’t have to go home to the empty house that was too big for him. At least here, he was on the pitch, even if he wasn’t playing.

Although, why did he have to keep from playing? Now would be the perfect time, with nobody out here but Will, who was cleaning up the drink station.

“Oi! Will!”

The young man looked up. “Yeah?”

“Bring me the fucking balls, will you?”

Grabbing the mesh bag full of training balls, the kitman jogged up to Roy and held it out uncertainly.

“Not a word to the boys,” growled Roy as he took the bag.

“No, not at all, Coach Kent,” Will promised, backing away.

Now left to his own devices, Roy dumped the bag at the penalty marker and nudged one of the balls into place. He hadn’t shot a penalty, or kicked a ball at all, in a long time. Even when he’d played, he hadn’t had many opportunities on goal as a wide midfielder.

He stretched quickly, then squared up at the box. After taking a breath to steady himself, he backed up three steps and charged.

The football flew up into the top right corner of the goal, ricocheting off of the side post with a clang. An ugly shot.

Roy repeated the process four more times, hammering the ball into the net. On the last show, he planted his leg a little too abruptly and felt his knee twinge painfully. Fuck. It hadn’t slipped out of position, but it was close. He’d have to ice it tonight, alone on his couch or in his bed. He hated that; being laid up with nobody to talk to and distract him. He’d have to start a book and hope it was good.

He packed up the balls, limping slightly as he brought them into the training facility and stowed them in the equipment room. It was a disorganized mess; someone had dumped some old things from the upstairs offices to store in there. His old standee was there, randomly, from his first season with Ted, his last as a player. The cardboard Roy Kent was only from a few years ago, but the real Roy had a hard time recognizing him. The cardboard Roy had been miserable. He’d been younger, yes, and he definitely looked it, but in addition to the general lack of aging on his face, he lacked the smile lines that had started to appear more noticeably around his eyes and nose.

Maybe he was better than he’d been then. He was older now, yes, and he had a shit knee, but he wasn’t as miserable.

“Dr. Fieldstone’s turned me soft,” he muttered. His knee hurt, and he was immediately turning to all of the work they’d done on the way he thought about himself rather than sulking about it. It was fucking annoying. He wanted to be mad. He was going home to stew about being old and alone with his fucked knee in his empty house, he decided.

But first, he hobbled out the long way, through the locker room and to his office, to place a hand on the sign. Because he had to Believe that things would be better eventually.

[tojisun]

the reader on toxic dbf!simon is so cassie howard coded from euphoria if you ever watched it… and there’s one scene that makes my heart wrenched and brought me sooo many bad memories. I’ve been there twice and it’s not a good feeling😕 craving for love and being so addicted to it can mess up with your head. your confidence specifically. putting that ‘i accept the love i think i deserve so i take whatever i can get’ throughout my two year of toxic unfair relationship lol. i love your writings sm🩷

hi my love thank u sm for sending this in :(( im so sorry that youve been through that. and ur right, god, the way it fucks u up and reduces ur self-worth until u feel like u deserve the pain that came with the relationship?? yea im so sorry my luv. im glad that u are out of it!! i hope the healing had been tender and kind, and thank u again for trusting me (us) with this!

and yea!! i’ve seen euphoria and ur so right my goodness??? also euphoria always gives me such sputtering anger. i have big opinions but also i get so heated but yea anyway: YEA. reader does give cassie vibes :(( the way she runs back to nate even though he ignores her and sidelines her. the way she finds affections from when they fuck even though all hes given her is physical ‘love’

whew oki im getting upset

take care sweetheart mwah!! :3

[rdng1230]

More Ted Lasso Musings

Before I start let me say once again that this season has contained absolutely wonderful moments and is still a wonderful bit of light in a buuuuunch of darkness. Also spoiler warning.

Cool, so I've figured out what's bothering me this season and its that they're either showing us everything and telling us nothing, or showing us nothing (of actual character significance) and telling us everything. in the showing us everything and telling us nothing category we've got my love Keeley Jones. I feel like we've spent a massive amount of time at KJPR and I still feel like I'm scratching my head as to what they were trying to tell us. They've set Keeley up to be this incredibly competent and bright person, and when they give her her shot it all goes to shit. and I get it "you can't always get what you want" so says the song for this season's trailer, but I'm struggling to understand the thing that she got that she needed that she didn't already have. She had Rebeccas love and support, I mean she has Roy back but this does not seem like the show where the moral of a long story about her starting her own business is that she has her boyfriend back. I actually would love people's take on what you think we're supposed to get out of Keeley's storyline.

Onto the telling but not showing category we got my guy Nate the Great. He has been so totally short changed this season on his redemption arc. It is HARD to become a better person. It is HARD to admit you fucked up. It is HARD to turn against your own knee jerk insecurities and reactions. It is ESPECIALLY HARD to do that in an environment that is actively incentivizing you to act on those insecurities and reactions. So even though I absolutely believe Nate deserving and capable of these huge leaps forward in overcoming his own internal crap, I think we've completely sidelined that narrative of what's pushing him to actually take those huge leaps forward. At the end of season 2, it was clear Nate was really struggling, and I'm not gonna lie I hated the way he treated those around him, like Beard said it was "personal, and weird" but I also felt a huge amount of sympathy and compassion because no one gets that way without something horrible happening to them first. So when the last scene of season 2 happened and he was teased as this big time villain, I was sad, but not surprised. I expected him to get his redemption, but I also expected that to be a really difficult journey for him where he was likely going to get worse before he got better. So now we're in season 3 and he suddenly just makes all these huge leaps forward, they feel from out of nowhere, not because I don't feel like he's capable of it, but rather that should've been more difficult to do, and also it should've been a moment of great personal triumph for Nate! The way I think of it is imagine if Rebecca had just waltzed into teds office in season 1 and confessed about the sabotage with no context. Sure we would've believed her capable of it, sure we would've believed she deserved forgiveness, but we all would've been scratching our heads as to what made her have this reckoning within herself. they would've told us Rebecca changed instead of shown why and how she changed like what they're doing with Nate.

I actually think there's so many parallels between the relationship of Nate and Jade and the relationship of Roy and Jamie. Both Nate and Roy made stupidly bad and self destructive decisions around the end of last season. Both are in a low point in their emotional journeys, almost all of Nathan's emotional scenes have been with Jade while all of Roy's emotional scenes have been with Jamie. The thing is, that's not where their respective internal work really needs to get done? Nate already took the plunge and asked out Jade last season, and Roy already showed real vulnerability when he hugged Jamie after the thing with his dad (not that I think that means everything wrapped up with a shiny bow or anything, but just that each character has much bigger fish to fry in terms of character growth) I do think Nate and Jade have become really cute just as Roy and Jamie's scenes have felt ripped straight out of a fluffy fanfic. but do these scenes actually show us that Nate/Roy are getting better? We've already seen Nate being an absolute sweetheart with the women in his life who he loves, his mother, his niece (even if we didn't actually see her till this season it was clear that they had a very warm and positive relationship) and Keeley, so him being able to be vulnerable and open up with Jade is lovely, but not really that new of a territory. If we could just see Nate having a shift maybe with his coaching staff or the West Ham players, this would feel more meaningful because we saw him struggle way more with people he perceives as part of his own hierarchy structure. Its the same with Roy. We've seen Roy open up to Jamie in the past so their relationship, while fucking adorable, is not doing anything to address the real struggle inside Roy that he's ignoring. It would be way more meaningful to see Roy have moments where he chooses to have joy instead of running away. Instead we get scenes like where the sports pundit squad just says oh by the way Nate left West Ham, in the same way that Ms. Bowen says to Roy that he seems less stuck. Umm what? Since when? what happened? All tell and no show. Or showing only the least character growth relevant scenes and then just be like oh by the way they fixed it.

reblog and comment away because I'm interested in people's take on this.

[fanficfanattic]

Gotta poll below for the Family Curse fic. But first! Background:

Jamie says he’s injured, he is, Ted yells at him, but before he can go do cones Nate runs in saying a baby appeared in the middle of the pitch out of nowhere. Ted & Beard assume he just somehow missed seeing the baby when he first went out, which, rude.

But Jamie asks if the baby is in a Man City onesie, hole in the shoulder? And Nate was like “How would I know that?” Which is when Jamie realizes that Nate didn’t bring the baby inside!

Roy is convinced this is some elaborate prank or revenge or something on Jamie’s part. Which Jamie is confused about. How is a magic baby either of those things? But more importantly, he’s saying the baby is him. One day after his first birthday.

See, his family is cursed:

At some point in their lives, they get haunted by their past selves. First day is the day after their first birthday, second the day after their second birthday, etc. Until they catch up to their nearest passed birthday.

Each generation has the mysterious day it shows up happen earlier and earlier. No one can figure out what triggers it. But the rules are always the same. 12:01 clicks over and your past self appears at your home. In the room that you are and with no one else present.

Jamie’s past self appears by 10:01 and at Nelson Road. On the pitch, in front of Nate, and now he’s told 30 some people what had otherwise been a secret his family has always taken to the grave.

So I have to figure out the actually injure reveal.

1) One idea is that the skeptical Roy “it’s a trick!” can easily be addressed. If the baby has the same birthmark on his lower back that Jamie does, same person. It’s only when he’s unzipped his jacket (no shirt under it) that he remembers why he wasn’t planning to train today. But it’s too late, the bruises on his body are now very obvious.

2) My second idea is that Georgie and Simon show up to help the first few days. So the lads are on the pitch doing drills and Jamie is holding Baby Jamie on the sidelines. Simon gets to him first because Keeley had greeted him and Georgie at the front of the building. They were jump hugging and screaming so Rebecca lead him out to the pitch.

When Georgie gets out on the grass she shouts her customary “JAMIE!” And he hands the baby off to Simon so he can catch her up when she throws herself at him for the hug. Ted is even treated to Simon’s commentary about “here they go again”. Except Jamie screams fuck and clutches his ribs.

He explains with all the excitement he’d kind of forgotten the ribs. But he’s all right. And she unzips his jacket right then and makes Simon come check him over. (This Simon is an EMS lol).

[bombshellsandbluebells]

Ok throwing out a bunch of Ted Lasso finale theories just so I can pat myself on the back if any are correct:

- Ted’s going home. His story is not ending in romance because it’s never really been about that. It’s been about healing and moving on and Richmond has helped him do that as much as he’s helped them, but ultimately his heart is with his son and he needs to be there.

- Jamie’s injury is going to keep him from playing - which is fine. He’s gotten to a place where it’s not all about himself anymore, it’s about supporting the team, and he made his big contribution last episode. He’s also gotten to a point where it’s not all about winning, it’s just about enjoying it. I actually think him cheering from the sidelines while his team wins it might be the perfect place to end his story (especially since he had his moment.)

- Above means two big things I think: 1) Richmond NEEDS Nate’s strategic genius because the style that’s been making them win all season is very reliant on Jamie. Nate will know how to come up with something new that works. And 2) Sam needs to get his big win this season, he’s just had loss after loss so far. Would love for him to be key to their winning.

- Rebecca is going to find love again and I really, really hope it’s not with a random stranger we meet in the last episode so it probably means either she’s going to date Sam again (there’s been too many nods to their feelings for each other in the recent eps) or she’s going to (hopefully) find Mr. Amsterdam Man again

- reappearance of Michael finally? getting to see Colin be open with his boyfriend in front of his teammates 

- either it’s going to hint at RoyJamieKeeley endgame or Keeley is going to tell Roy she wants to be single right now because SOMETHING was up with her not immediately wanting to be a couple again last ep and we don’t really have the time to address it, so they probably won’t officially get back together but maybe it will leave it somewhat open ended?

- we will hear something more about Trent’s book - maybe even end with Trent narrating some of it

- Beard is staying in England, for sure. He, Roy, and Nate will make the new dream team at Richmond.

- I think the Pub Boys are going to somehow know about Ted leaving and get emotional about it. I think it’d be nice to see.

- I previously said that Richmond was going to 100% win because nothing else made sense, but then Dottie had a line how in parenting sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but mostly you just tie. And if this show is about ANYTHING, it’s about parents. So there’s some possibility for a tie. And one last nod to Ted finding that ridiculous. (I will still lean mostly towards win, but I also know they love subverting expectations and now you could argue there’s some foreshadowing for it.)

- I cry.

[filmmarvel]

Ted Lasso S3 Thoughts!

I want to talk about my overall thoughts on Season 3 before the finale comes out, because I’m sure I’ll have a lot to say about that! So let’s just get right into it. A lot of plot points and storylines felt like 1-off, little set ‘em up knock ‘em down types of things, as opposed to full arcs that carried a clear theme throughout the season. A big part of this is the focus being on such a wide variety of characters, and having to cover so many stories at once. This led to Ted being sidelined a bit? Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a huge part of the show, and had some great moments this season, but there was still a clear shift from previous seasons. In some ways I think this made a lot of sense- the team is becoming more like a family, we’re getting to know everyone and understand their individual stories more. While I like that idea, the lack of consistency when it came to Ted’s screen time was noticeable (he’s kind of the beating heart of the show). Some of the strongest episodes were ones where he was at the forefront. This whole season just felt a little less cohesive, with so many different things going on. Some of the extended arcs, like Colin’s and Nate’s were good, though. And as I’ve seen a number of other people pointing out, it kind of felt like they were just trying to cram as many hot topics into the season as they could, because they couldn’t really afford to focus on that many specific characters having longer arcs (which again, is why many of the characters had 1-2 episode arcs so that the focus could then be shifted to someone else). It starts to seem a bit like they were running out of ideas, so I’m glad they’re ending the show with intention instead of dragging it out. Another part of this issue (something that @king-author pointed out really well), is that we didn’t get to witness a lot of the important, impactful moments (particularly concerning Nate’s storyline). I think this season would’ve been a lot better (not that it was bad, just a bit of a step down), if they had chosen to focus on these bigger storylines and developing particular characters, as opposed to creating a bunch of random problems to keep everyone involved.

One particular storyline I’ve got issues with- I didn’t really see a point to the whole Keeley/Roy/Jack thing? Roy and Keeley’s breakup never really made all that much sense in the first place, but I understand the benefit of having Keeley go solo for a while. But then why bring Jack into the mix? It was pretty clear that Roy and Keeley were going to get back together, and so I didn’t really see any point to their relationship beyond an excuse to give Keeley more screen time (which I think could’ve been used in better ways).

So overall, this season has been kind of hit and miss. Since I talked about some of the misses already, let’s go over some of the hits! This last episode was absolute fantastic, between Roy and Keeley being back together, Ted having impactful tear-jerker moments, and Jamie having a moving arc once again, it felt like old times. Rebecca had some great moments as well recently, particularly her speech and everything with Rupert in Episode 10. She’s such a wonderful character, and that was a fantastic way to end her multi-season arc with Rupert. I also loved Jade! She and Nate have a fantastic dynamic, I really like the impact she’s had on him, she’s just a perfect addition to the show. And I think this goes without saying, but so many of the characters remain totally delightful (Sam, Jamie, Dani, Will, etc). This show is still wildly wholesome, sweet, and entertaining. And judging from the last few episodes, they’re going out strong! I have no doubt that the finale will be fantastic.

Anyways, I didn’t expect this review to be this long! If anyone actually made it this far, thanks for reading, and let me know what you think! Do you agree, and what did you like/dislike about this season?

[thewholecrew]

@headstrongblake said:  12. does your muse get flustered easily? how would they typically react to compliments from someone they are interested in/dating?

grant - unfortunately for him, yes he does get flustered easily. when given a compliment, depending on what it is, his reaction can range from awkwardly accepting it to brushing it off like he’s not whatever they just complimented. most of the time he tries to appear unaffected and uninterested but he can’t stop himself from blushing which is a dead give away.

kassy - no, kassy is rarely flustered and takes compliments 99.9% of the time with grace -- usually agreeing with said compliments. there are times though when given a more meaningful compliment that she won’t quite be sure how to react and joke it off, but most of the time she loves to be complimented.

alec - yes, flustered easily but loving the compliments all together. he tries to be humble but he will definitely be preening the whole time and probably fall in love with whoever said the compliment. he lives off of praise and just wants to be loved so any nice comments and compliments he’ll return with big smiles and rosy cheeks (and possibly his lifes devotion).

rev - not easily but not impossible. rev isn’t one to show a softer side often and doesn’t like to. compliments will often be completely brushed off or not believed unless it has to do with their strength. if someone does manage to fluster rev watch out because they can be a little aggressive in their reaction (telling them to shut up or a punch in the arm etc) but they try to match what the person talking to them can handle. 

hunter - he is not easily flustered but it can happen. hunter is usually very calm and collected, usually tries to stay along the sidelines and not draw attention to himself but most of the time if complemented by strangers he will politely accept it. though he’s been known to blush and often will bring his hand up to his face in a “thoughtful” manner to hide the fact that he’s flustered before changing the subject.

nate - he doesn’t fluster easily but again it’s quite possible. definitely more possible towards someone he likes or if it’s a more genuine compliment. nate’s pretty confident in himself and will usually accept the compliment but will always try to give one back to take the attention off him. 

chase - it’s more difficult to fluster chase with a compliment, his ego is huge and he will accept all and every compliment happily if not smugly. again though if it is a specific compliment that is unusual or about something that not many people even know about it’s more likely to fluster him. but he’s a rockstar so compliments are common.

[josiebelladonna]

so.

i’ve been thinking about this for the past week or so, and i don’t really know how to say this without being completely and totally blunt with it as i usually am, anyway.

i’m going on hiatus again. i don’t know how long i’ll be away—it was either that or deleting, and i decided not to do away with deleting because i lose everything otherwise but i need to get away from here.

between the shitbrained updates staff keeps inflicting onto us and i really don’t know if it’s just a me thing and people on here are genuinely repulsed by me, or if there’s something happening collectively that i’m not okay with because it happened while i wasn’t paying attention but… i’m finding myself more and more pissed off by tumblr and this current generation that’s on here at the moment.

i’m so sick of everything being so detached. i’m so sick of everyone being offended rather than curious. i literally hate the word “mutual” now because of this site—it’s especially weird for me because that word didn’t exist in the first year or two i was here. we all knew who our friends were and we all addressed each other by name, we didn’t have these fucking stupid posts that are a dime a dozen watering down the whole neighborhood feel of it all. there was a joke about tumblr, back around 2011-2013, where if you an account on here, you were considered “forever alone” because you were a nerd: you shared things you loved, you were curious about things like sexuality (back when they genuinely allowed nsfw content, no less), you spoke your mind no matter how caustic your opinion, and you were kind of safe here to boot. you were considered “forever alone” because you either got it or you didn’t. 

it came to a head around 2014/2015, and i started seeing a serious pushback in 2016, how closing yourself off to other experiences and new people is toxic, something i absolutely do agree with, but the thing is it immediately started to warp itself and dumb itself down, a long slow process that came to the absolute dumbest conclusion of “mutuals”, whatever the fuck that’s even supposed to signify. it’s such a vague term, like what the hell is it even supposed to mean? what degree of companionship are we talking about here? someone clarify this for me.

“they’re not my friends! they’re my mutuals!” i consider teababe on here and brambles on instagram as my friends and not once do i have to refer to them as that. bro, i remember following people on here and we became facebook friends: i remember people on here genuinely meeting up with each other and sending each other things—like actually sending things, making gifts and mailing it to them. i never see that anymore: i could not tell you the last time i saw that. nate peck and eric peterson are my mutuals on ig but i don’t feel comfortable calling them that, especially nate, because quite frankly, i value them more than that.

plus, it was coupled with that fucking election cycle: everything became political almost overnight. with the blatant politics everywhere you turned and people complaining about every little thing comes lack of finesse. with lack of finesse or subtlety comes lack of imagination. things started to get dumbed down really quickly and it was getting on my nerves just as quick.

i wasn’t here for all of 2017 and most of 2018, but i could only assume that those old bloggers just moved on or they too went quiet and their posts started going quiet as well, going down into the tags to the point of being buried. you get new blood in there who grew up watching tumblr from the sidelines and they don’t know what to do with it, especially once the nsfw ban came about.

so gone are the days of being calm and collected and civil about things, and now you have so many bloggers who are just not interested in culture, or don’t even seem to understand or care how tumblr is supposed to work. in hindsight, i should have realized that things were quite different on here than they were in 2013 when i saw the green druidess complaining about some bad review with the line “community? what community?” i remember she showed it to me, too: the way it sits in my memory was it almost felt like a parody, like the person was just fooling around (kind of like what i do) and just trying to get a rise. i remember actually saying, “oh my god, i really hope this is just a joke. it looks like a joke.” but i remember telling her that if something does offend you that much, say something (and boy, did that get warped or what). but that’s kind of how it was back then: we knew about shit going on but we knew how to have good fun from time to time even if it was inflammatory because the world does indeed suck. i remember thinking that 2013 was the worst year ever, and then 2015 was, and then 2016, and then 2017 happened and you realize that i quit doing that shit. 

yes, even in 2020, i never said that once, because you learn to laugh at your pain. you learn to laugh at a world that’s been going straight to hell for the last 20 years, because… look at it, it does seem genuinely ridiculous at times.

the first half of the 2010s, when i showed up here as a scrappy troubled 20-year-old bouncing around stem school and into a community college, was quite literally the best time to be on here. when i came back from that 2 year vacation, i had a sense that things were different, especially when i started seeing less art and nsfw content (this was right before the ban, too, like a few months before), and i had to dig around for smutty fanfic. 2019 came along with the green druidess and her “raunchy side” and i feel like that was the “…oh, dear” moment. the moment i realized that tumblr is not what it was 5, 6 years before, and you’re having to make a disclaimer for your own sexuality now—not good for someone like me who constantly grapples with that part of life, and especially over that summer, too. don’t get me wrong: 2019 was a fun year from what i remember, but it gave me a bad feeling.

the pandemic happened… we all know what happened there. three years later, looking at my thirties, and i’m back at square one and wanting a place where i can really be myself. a place that was like tumblr circa 2013 or 2014, even though that time is history now. instagram, for what it’s worth, has done wonders for me, but there’s a reason why those of us who had witnessed it remember it so fondly.

don’t get me wrong: there was a ton of shit back then—and i mean, a lot of shit—but given the choice, i will gladly take that era again over whatever trash this current era of tumblr is. that era was just a lot more entertaining and fun to think about. people didn’t gloss over everything, calling their perfectly natural sexuality their “raunchy/wild side” or be vague about someone or something to the point of sounding so fake and corny: that’s the thing, i could probably forgive her corniness if she wasn’t so damn fake and glossed over shit. if she was actually being real, she’d use words like “anxiety” or go into her past in more elaborate detail, but instead glosses it over with running from a past demon and “being real” whatever the fuck that’s supposed to quantify. 

and it’s a problem i see all too often on here now, people being too afraid to address each other by name—their real name, too, not just their handle—and go absolutely batshit with the block button for anything that they don’t like, sealing themselves off from anything that can challenge them or help them grow. and as a result, people on here almost don’t even seem human anymore, just a bunch of robots spewing out generalities and i get nothing out of it. this shit started going sideways a long time ago and it was only a matter of time before the whole echo chamber phenomenon started catching up with us and cemented by something like tiktok.

thing is, i’m usually in a really good mood during the day—and i’m in an even better mood when alex is involved—but it goes away once i get on tumblr now. it wasn’t always like this, either: i used to look forward to coming onto here. now, i actually worry about posting a smut fic or a drawing on here because it’ll either get bupkiss or someone is going to claim that i’m somehow not real because they failed to get to know me and instead relegated me to the level of ~mutual~

one place i’m thinking of going to is dreamwidth because like ao3, it’s made for creatives by creatives. another is fetlife, given i’m trying to feel better about my kinks without worrying about someone complaining about the mature label on a drawing i made or a chapter i wrote: i’m also not hot enough for onlyfans. yeah, don’t get me started on how my face has been treated on here: i was never tagged to post selfies whereas all of you were with the claim that “we’re all beautiful!”, and when i did post a pic, most of you ran for the hills. thanks for joining me in my feeling good, you ugly boring hypocritical fucks.

my other option is to just stay with instagram and ao3. no need to start something new when i can utilize what i already have. as for now, that’s just what i have: my ig is badmotorartist and my ao3 is josiebelladonna. i’ll hang out on the side blogs, too, my art blog (badgalnirvhannah), the fever in fever out blog, and my healing blog (theghostandthehealer), although… if i’m being honest, healing, a natural process, has almost become the poor man’s blogging, like no one seems to realize that you start a healing journal for a reason—i started that blog because the snow back in february was starting to get to me and i knew there were other people in my position (plus, you have people in new york and the northeast feeling down about the lack of snow they got this winter, the reverse effect)—not because you think it’s cool or aesthetic. 

more testament fans are out there and this is where the “I don’t know if this is just a ‘me’ thing” mindset comes in. for example, type o has gotten hella popular the last few years, and the anthrax tag has grown a lot since the green druidess and i were at it. you would think it’s happening with testament but… not really. i see more metallica fics repeating the same lore over and over again (i was observing this last night, too: not a single “jameson” or st. anger era fic mentions devin townsend, either, and i don’t know if that’s a good thing or utterly pathetic) but love for these five men is minuscule at best.

and *grits teeth* don’t get me started on ai. i feel like i’ve said everything i needed to say about it because i know i’m just going to be repeating myself, and i doubt people will listen, either, because what i have to say is not punchy enough. who cares if it’s for the greater good, it has to look and sound good. what more can i say about this and that’s not going into the pervasive discouragement and feeling of worthlessness that i think i’m always going to feel but… i’m not even touching that.

something told me i was going to have to leave tumblr at some point, but when was another question. and i think i just found my “when”. maybe somewhere down the line, i can figure out how to archive this thing because i’ve been here almost a decade now: i don’t want to lose everything.

again, i don’t know how long i’m going to be away from here, but i can’t be here anymore—by the way, if there’s an uptick in fics on here, i’m not at all going to be surprised, because that literally happened when i went quiet for those two years, and it sort of happened again when i threatened to leave back in 2020. i get it: i just am not likable. why do you think i struggled with self-love for as long as i did.

you know what will surprise me is people missing me on here. like, seriously: i will be surprised if someone straight up tells me they miss seeing me on here, given the damage i’ve done.

a new chapter of as the seasons grey is dropping some time tonight, i’m gonna keep updating my fics, and i quite literally promised alex a handful of trio drawings, too 😅. i’m a culture person: i want to live and learn and explore the world. i’m also a very earthy person, very sensual and very emotional and very sentimental and i hate how we all treat each other.

[hopefulromances]

Long Time Coming I Chapter Four I Jump Then Fall

Summary: Being hired as the first female assistant coach in the league was a challenge of it itself. Being a football protigy and University Football Legend was easy enough. Coaching Jamie Tartt was a challenge all on its own.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warning: I have literally no clue how football works.

A/N: Enjoy!

Prologue One Two Three

Roy was back. I love Roy. Roy was straight forward and honest. The boys responded well to him. Maybe it was because he was one of them, but Roy understood them better. The Roy Kent effect they were calling it. Of course, that didn’t come with a fair bit of jealously. As much as I tried not to be jealous, of course Roy was getting more recognition for his work than I ever did. His dramatic return at the beginning of the Sheffield game was something to be inspired by.

But Roy and I got along. We had an understanding of the game that Ted and Beard and Nate just didn’t have. We were able to communicate in our own way. We stood on the sidelines, watching the boys scrimmage when Colin whiffed a shot at the goal. I rolled my eyes and glanced over at Roy who nodded at me in agreement.  

I was about to say something when Nate stepped forward.

            “Come on, Colin. You dolt!” he shouted at him.

My eyes widened in surprise at him. Even if Colin wasn’t my friend, which he was, that’s no way to speak to your team. Roy seemed to feel my discomfort and stepped forward in front of me.

            “Colin, you're leaning too far back. Head down, fucking whip it!” Roy instructed, in his aggressive yet endearing way.

            “Thanks, Roy,” Colin called back, grateful for the advice. “I am a strong and capable man.”

I was about to mention my concerns about Bumbercatch when Roy continued. “Bumbercatch, great pass, but it don’t mean shit if they see it coming. The rest of you in the box, when the shot goes, you fucking follow it in!”

            “You smell that, lads?” Isaac asked, letting in a dramatic sniff. “That’s the Roy Kent Effect.” The lads laughed, and I thought I saw the ghost of a smile on Roy’s face as he stepped back to stand by me.

I felt my smile fall at their praise. It was stupid, it really was. Roy was new. Roy was loud. Roy was funny. They flocked to him like he was their savior. And he was! The four-game winning streak was enough to convince anyone of that. I shifted to stand up straight.

            “Anything for me, coach?” Jamie ran up to the front of the group, looking desperately at Roy for his advice.

But Roy ignored him, clapping his hands and instructing the boys to start up again. I let out a low breath. Forgiving Jamie wasn’t easy. Especially when Jamie had all but single-handedly ended his career.

Jamie looked over at me, the disappointment rolling over his features. I gave him a sympathetic smile, shrugging indifferently.  I was jealous. Jealous of Roy Kent because he was so fucking wonderful and great at his job.

I stewed as I sat back in my chair during lunch. I tuned myself out of the conversation that Keely and Ted were having, trying to convince myself to not be jealous. Jealousy was not my favorite emotion, and it was downright embarrassing. What caught my attention was when Jamie walked into the room half dressed.

            “Hi (Y/N),” he greeted. I felt my heart speed up as he singled me out in a greeting. “Hey Keely.” And back to normal speed. I shook my head at myself. I was all out of wack today. Jealous about Roy, disappointed when Jamie greeted Keely, his friend. Just silly. “Gotta tell Roy he needs to start coaching me.”

Of course, he was here about Roy. I tried not to roll my eyes as I stood up, grabbing my bag.

            “Oh, wait, you want me to tell Roy Kent what to do?” Ted retorted quickly. “That’s a great idea.”

            “Yeah, he’ll love that,” Keely giggled, shooting Jamie a side eye.

            “Yes, I’ll totally drop it into one of our conversations where Roy talks about his life and asks me for advice,” Nate chimed in.  We all laughed before Beard turned and blew a raspberry at Jamie.

            “Philistines!” Oh! Big word for Jamie. “I’m asking for help here!”

In his defense, he did truly seem desperate, but the whole situation was just so hilarious to me, I couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

            “Philistines? What is that your word of the day?” I jabbed, moving to lean across from Keely. He glared at me, crossing his arms. I found myself looking over his features, his tense jaw, the way his shirt hugged his biceps. Were his biceps always that big? Oh, god, what was I doing. It was just Jamie. Yeah, he was attractive, but so what? I tuned back into the conversation just as Ted and Keely were leaving. I sent them away and hit Jamie on the shoulder.

            “Grab your lunch, and lets go,” I told him as I walked out of the room.

Jamie and I liked to enjoy our lunches sitting on the pitch. It's where we enjoye most of our free time together. Usually, he would ask me advice on some football technique or play he was trying and I would help where I could. But today, Jamie sat across from me, stabbing aimlessly at his salad. I shook my box, getting the dressing nice and mixed into mine.

            “Jamie, what is going on with you?” I questioned. “You’ve barely touched your summertime strawberry salad!”

I reached forward with my fork and tried to stab at it, but he warded me off.

            “It’s Roy! He just knows how to get under me skin,” he complained, finally shoving a strawberry in his mouth. “I thought I was finally making headway here.”

I couldn’t help but let out a groan. “Jamie, it’s Roy. You two have always hated each other.”

            “I don’t hate, Roy!” Jamie exclaimed, stabbing particularly hard at his food. “Well, I think he’s a pretentious old twat, but I don’t hate him.” He leaned back, setting his fork down. “I just want him to coach me.”

            “For fucks sake,” I burst out. I was sick of everyone looking for Roy’s approval, he was just a man. “He’s just Roy! If you want something from him, just be upfront. Don’t go looking for something in any kiss uppy, or brown nosey way. And anyways, aren’t four coaches enough, why are you all so desperate for Roy’s attention?”

I couldn’t keep the desperation out of my voice and Jamie could tell. He cocked his head at me.

            “Why do you care? We all listen to you anyways. It’s getting you to shut up that’s the problem!” He smirked, sticking his tongue out at me. But I was not in the mood for jokes. No matter how much I felt my cheeks burn watching the way his eyes squinted when he smiled. But no, I was angry.

            “Fuck off, Jamie,” I mumbled before standing up. I turned on my heel and left, heading back inside.

            “Wait! I was just joking,” Jamie called after me.

I didn’t turn around and I heard him curse loudly as I went inside. I walked back to my office and saw Ted sitting there, on his phone. I slumped into my chair, starting to spin. Everything was so fucked. I felt like my emotions were out of control. I was so angry. It felt like I was spiraling out of control. For some reason, the only thing in my head was Jamie. Jamie and his stupid smile, his cocky, smug, stupid smile. Why didn’t he want my coaching? Why wasn’t he fighting to get my attention? God, I felt so stupid.

            “(Y/N)!” Ted’s voice broke my chain of thought, and I stopped spinning. “Hold on there! If you spin any faster, you’re gonna whisk away a little girl and her dog.”

I felt the aftereffects of the spin setting in and leaned back, staring straight ahead. “Isn’t it a little corny to make a Wizard of Oz metaphor? Seeing as you’re from Kansas?”

            “No! That adds to the charm!” Ted exclaimed. “Now why don’t you tell me whats wrong?”

I weighed my options. I could tell Ted everything. He was great at listening and usually gave good advice. But what if he laughed at me or told me to get over myself. Though that thought along was ridiculous enough. Ted was kind. He would never laugh at me.

         “It’s just…” I began, taking a deep breath. “I feel so… weird? I’m jealous! And I’m not a jealous person. But with Roy being back, it feels like… no one needs me around anymore. Like I never got any of the kind of attention that Roy is getting now. ‘The Kent Effect?’ What about the Clemen’s Effect?” I shook my head, realizing how stupid I sound. “And now I’m realizing that I sound like a jealous third grader.”

Ted chuckled.

“I was gonna say you were turning into that giant green bean fella but jealous third grader works too.” I let out a breath laugh, closing my eyes and shoving my face in my hands. “Hey, though, don’t beat yourself up! I get it. I do. But don’t let that make you forget just how much we need you here.” I looked up from my hands to look at Ted. He gave me a smile. “The boys respond to you well, they always have. Heck! You know more about this game than Beard or Nate or myself. Roy is just… new. But there’s one thing that you have that Roy doesn’t.”

            “What’s that?” I asked, looking for an answer.

            “The ability to show by doing,” he stated. “Ever since you showed Jamie that trick about dragging his feet, he’s made more free kicks than ever. Roy’s too old and crotchety to actually be able to do anything anymore. But you! You’re in the prime of your career. You can teach these boys in a way none of the rest of us can.” He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. “And one thing I want you to understand is that we need you. We will always need you. Don’t forget that.”

For some reason, his words really hit me. My eyebrows furrowed together and gave him a sincere smile. I opened my mouth to say something, thank you, or anything, when Roy and Jamie flew in from the hallway.

            “You fucking asshole!” Jamie shouted.

            “I know you are but so are you,” Roy grunted back, starting to walk into the coach’s room. Ted and I shared a glance before both of us started to rise from our seats.

            “I’m trying to build bridges here!” Jamie’s exasperated voice called out.

Roy turned on his heel, rounding on Jamie. “You couldn’t fucking build Jeff Bridges.”

He pushed Jamie back. I flew up forward and raced out into the locker room, getting in between Roy and Jamie. I stepped in front of Jamie, feeling a rush of protectiveness flooding through me.

            “Hey, hey, hey!” Ted joined, spreading his arms between them. “What’s going on here?”

            “This man refuses to coach meh!” Jamie accused pointing over my shoulder.

            “He refuses to stop being an asshole,” Roy retorted.

 “Hey, we both know Jamie has come a long way in his journey to not be an asshole,” I defended.

“Thank you, (Y/N)!” Jamie chimed in.

“Okay Roy, you’re not going to like this but, right now, Jamie here is being the mature one,” Ted began, moving to standing next to Jamie.

“It’s true. I’m being super mature, you big, dumb, hairy, baby twat,” Jamie whined. I turned and gave Jamie a side eye. Roy suggested that it was Ted’s fault that Jamie wasn’t as good of a player as he used to be.

            “Cause, Jamie, deep down, at your core, you are a prick,” Roy stated, firmly. “So just be a prick.” I tried to glance over at Jamie, trying to wage his reaction. But he wasn’t giving much away.

We decided on a signal. A signal to give Jamie when it was time to be a prick. Or I should say, Roy decided on a signal. One we would find out about later, I suppose.  

Nonetheless, it seemed to qualm the fight that Roy and Jamie had built, and the rest of the day went smoothly. I was packing up my stuff to leave when Roy cleared his throat from behind me.

            “Hey Roy, what’s up?”

            “You’re a good coach.”

I pause and turn to face him. “What… what do you mean?”

Roy rolled his eyes. “I mean, you’re a good fucking coach. The boys respond well to you. You know what you’re doing. Which is more than I can say for Ronald McDonald.”

I laughed, looking down. “I think Ted knows what he’s doing.”

            “I was talking about Nate, but the point stands.” He reached out his hand for me to shake. Maybe it was my crazy emotional whirlwind of a day, but I knocked his hand aside and pulled him in for a hug. His arms didn’t warp around me at all, but he didn’t immediately start to growl so I took it as a success.

As I walked out to my car that night, I saw Jamie leaning against his car, scrolling on his phone. When he saw me coming out of the door, he put his phone away and shot me the biggest smile. Not his normal, cocky one, but a softer, for sincere one.

            “Hey (Y/N),” He started, walking to meet me. “I wanted to apologize, for before.”

            “Jamie, you have nothing to apologize for.” I shook my head, holding my hands up to stop him. “I was being so moody earlier. Just a weird day.”

            “S’lright, just wanted to make sure you was okay,” He said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Seemed upset.”

Goddamnit. That was so fucking thoughtful.

            “Yeah, I was… I was having a bad day.” I shrugged. “But, I’ll be okay.”

He stared at me for a moment longer before nodding his head. We stood there, staring at each other in a not-too-uncomfortable silence. Finally, I popped my lips.

            “Alright! I guess I’ll see you this weekend. Tottenham won’t know what hit them!” I moved passed him, walking backwards towards my car.

Jamie smirked, turning with me to leave. “That’s for sure, already told Colin you’re filling in for him.”

            “Hah! That’s- that’s really- “I bumped into my car, slamming my hip against the handle. “Ah, fuck, ouch.”

            “Shit, are you-“

            “Yep! I’m fine!” I cut him off before he could be concerned. “Just great, I’ll see you Saturday.”

I opened the door to my car and got in before he could say another word. What was wrong with me?

…

This Saturday filled me with so many feelings. If I thought my emotions were out of wack at the beginning of the week, the anxiety that filled me about Tottenham just made things worse. We were one win away from going to Wembley and playing Manchester for the FA Cup semis. If we won, it would be to the excellent coaching of Ted Lasso and stellar skills of our players. If we lost it would be because of the female coach dragging the team down.

My normal routine of cheering on the lads in the locker room was replaced with my anxious twirling in my chair. Not even Ted tried to get me to stop. What did get me to stop was when Jamie came into the door way.

            “Mornin’ Coach,” He stopped when he saw me, clearly frazzled in the corner of the room. “Should I ask?”

            “Definitely not,” Beard answered for me.

Jamie cocked his head, pursing his lips at me. “Bit scared about the game, yeah?”

I shot him a glare as my feet planted themselves in the ground before twisting so I was facing the wall away from them.

            “I just told you not to ask!”

            “What do you need, Jamie” Ted interrupted before Beard could escalate things forward.

Jamie’s eyes stayed planted on me for a moment longer before he dragged them over to Ted.

            “I was just wondering if you decided on a signal for me?”

            “I told you; you’d know it when you see it.” Roy entered the room coming over to spin my chair to face them again. “You, need to stop spinning or you’ll blow chunks on the field.”

I frowned at him but stood up and brushed past Jamie into the locker room. As I did though, he grabbed my arm. My breath caught in my throat as I turned back to look up at him. I never realized how much taller he was than me. To my surprise, there was no hint of humor. Just a sea of concern.

            “Are you okay?” he murmured; his face so close to mine I could feel his waiting breath.

I bit my lip, suddenly overcome by my emotions. The same emotions that had been drawing me to his body, his lips, his eyes, every single day this week. I found enough breath to reply a soft: “I’m okay.”

At my reply, he let go of my arm and shot me a comforting smile instead. “Good, ‘cos I was beginning to worry that my salad choices had come back to haunt you.”

“No, our salads were fine.” I chuckled at his concern. “But I am concerned about your ability to play well after too many strawberries.”

“Don’t you worry about me Strawberries,” he smirked. “In a few hours you’ll be begging for my strawberry salad recipe”

He shot me a wink before turning and heading back to his locker. Why were my cheeks burning?

The game was more mediocre to say the least. Nearing the half, the score was nil-nil with only a few attempts at a goal. I could feel the energy leaving the players as Jamie passed the ball to an unprepared Sam. A Tottenham play swiped the ball, kicking it out of bounds. I groaned, running a hand through my hair.  

            “Fuck,” I spat under my breath, turning to Ted. “What’s the plan?” Roy suddenly appeared beside me, causing me to jump slightly. “Christ.”

            “Reckon it’s time to use the signal, huh?” Ted asked, hesitantly.

            “Yep,” Roy answered.

            “Yeah, okay…” Ted looked around nervously. “You didn’t by any chance come up with a better one, did you?”

            “No”

            “Alright.” Ted sighed before cupping his mouth and shouting. “Hey Jamie! Jamie!”

On the field, Jamie turned to look at us. In unison, the five of us all raised our middle fingers at him. I didn’t know how to react when Roy told us the signal he had come up with. It wasn’t exactly surprising, but I wasn’t sure how the crowd would react. Of course, the second we made the signal, the crowd burst out in laughter. Jamie’s face contorted in confusion before a look of realization dawned on him.  

He quickly ran over to one of the Tottenham players, Barnett, and started chatting to him. Whatever he said to him must have pissed him off cause soon the two of them were racing towards the ball. Jamie took control of the ball when, from out of nowhere, Barnett slid into Jamie’s legs, causing him to fall and roll to the ground.

            “REFEREE” Beard shouted, throwing his hands up.

Of course, the ref blew his whistle giving Jamie a penalty. Jamie hopped up off the ground and on his face was his signature cocky, sideways smirk. He approached Barnett and got in his face, saying something snarky I’m sure, because the next second, Barnett was pushing Jamie and having to be pulled away by his teammate. Jamie ran backwards, throwing his hands up in mock surrender.

            “Hmm, glad he’s on our team, you know?” Ted nudged me, but I found myself unable to take my eyes off of him. I muttered an agreement as Jamie turned to face us for a moment as Barnett was cleared off. His eyes were shining with mischief as he raised his eyebrows at me. I shook my head at him, unable to keep the smile off my face.

            “Hey, what do you think? Trick play?” Ted huddled us in a moment. I shook my head. It was a long shot for sure, but one I knew he could make. In fact, it was the same distance I had shown him how to hit that day after training. He could do it.

            “You don’t need it,” Roy, as usual, could read my mind. “The little prick’s gonna fucking score from there.”

Nate scoffed in disbelief.  But I knew what Jamie could do. I watched as he placed the ball on the ground in front of him and took a breath. Then one by one, he dragged his feet backwards, just like I’d shown him. The turf disrupted slightly as his red boots tore up the soil. Then, it was like the world stood still, he jaunted forward, hit the ball with the side of his foot and watched as it flew through the air. Then, with the sweet swish of the goal, the world exploded into cheers. The stadium flew into a state of celebration as the team ran to Jamie’s side.

            “YES!” I cried. “FUCK YES JAMIE!” Jamie turned again, to look over at us. In one swift motion, he flipped us off with both of his fingers. I laughed and shook my head, feeling that flutter in my stomach again. Then it hit me. Just as quickly, as if it was a football to the face. It hit me, staring at his tongue sticking through his lips, as he celebrated with his teammates. It hit me that I was most definitely in love with Jamie Tartt.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think!

Tag list: @optimisticsandwichgladiator @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @ajax-petropolus-wife

[manwholovescabins]

Okay, just one last thing, I promise. I've seen a lot of people lately calling Ted/Rebecca shippers the most annoying part of fandom or whatever lately, and as someone that has been in not only this fandom, but a lot of fandoms, I gotta say, I don't find them nearly as annoying as other elements. People focusing on Ted/Rebecca were mostly not on the list of people wishing violence on Nate or hoping for his humiliation and return to subservience. They weren't the ones believing everything stupid or violent or downright disturbing that Roy did was justified as no big deal because of the meaningless phrase of him being Roy Kent and therefore a legend, when the social contract is just for us little people. They weren't the ones ignoring Keeley very clearly moving on from the breakup, because why shouldn't she want to get back with him? They were at least focusing on major white characters, not doing the thing where they latch onto the random side characters and make everything about them at the expense of more major characters of colour (I like side characters, too, but the disproportionate fandom emphasis on bland background white guys always pisses me off). Everything that was annoying about them was pretty bog standard stuff: annoying about Roy/Keeley shippers, Ted/Trent shippers, etc. Nothing unique. So being mean spirited and making fun of this ship, while at the same time making Nate a kitman again and thus making pandering to all those cruel and hateful fans? Ugh. I don't care one way or another about Ted/Rebeca as romantic vs platonic. But that finale really showed what the writers cared about, and it was that "mildly annoying shipping should be punished and hateful vitriol should be rewarded".

i've honestly never been very deep in this fandom so fortunately i've mostly seen some stuff from the sidelines. i have seen some t/r shippers being awful about nate, but i've also seen other people do that (it doesn't seem to be connected to being a shipper of a certain couple but rather it must just be people's racism showing). i mean, there's def some t/r shippers who are shitty, but there's all sorts of people who are shitty unfortunately and you can't really judge the whole category like that. plenty of the fandom looks fucked up to me and it's def not confined to t/r fans.

the writers clearly never intended for tedbecca to happen and like that's fine and i feel like they were plenty clear about it all along so fans shouldn't be that surprised, but the finale shit gave weird ass vibes like. shit felt personal. damn.

i feel like i've seen the cast and writers defend literally any choice they made so vehemently but the only one who was like "hmm it's just a show and im not my character" was nick who was legitimately getting so much hate for simply saying his lines? like brendan my guy you'll write a paragraph about how jane isn't abusive or toxic (she is) and no one thought maybe you should say "heyy guys don't be racist as hell maybe? nate actually ISNT a villain, he's just a guy"? not very kind and positive for the kindness and positivity show huh

[danthropologie]

Nate Saunders is now saying RB is most likely but he still hasn't signed. The emotional roller-coaster is becoming unbearable.

Buuut the hilarity of Toto and George going all in with the merch and the flattery while Christian quietly looked on from the sidelines and thought, "No, no I don't think so." The absolute mindgames of it all.

also once again hilarious to consider the fact that rbr rumors have been walked back or damped down MULTIPLE times now? like clearly this is a thing that's Been Happening, but over and over again the messaging has focused exclusively on mercedes mercedes mercedes, to the point where it feels like it was intentional from both red bull AND daniel's team.

it's about fucking over your arch nemesis!! it's about crafting the perfect drive to survive narrative!! it's about shock value!! it's about making a choice for yourself outside the influence of the rumor mill!! and in toto's case, who knows, maybe it's also about playing into the rumor mill in order to cast yourself as the perfect victim / damsel in distress against your evil evil arch nemesis for stealing your man 👀

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Haven

Pairing: Maddy Perez (Euphoria) x Reader

Song: "i wanna be your girlfriend" by girl in red

Summary: Maddy and the reader have known each other for years. The reader watched her from an up close seat, witnessing everything that made the girl tick. After her relationship ended with Nate, Maddy fell in love with her best friend. It's a bit of a stereotypical story, but cute nonetheless.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of abuse, mentions of sex.

Word Count: 1.7k

A/n: Hi guys! This was a request from @steezysimfinds and their genius mind. I liked the thought of putting Maddy in a healthy relationship where she wasn't constantly being manipulated and actually got to heal from all the bs that Nate and her went through during their relationship. Also the flashback is based off an experience I had with my childhood best friend. Enjoy!

Maddy was always sad before she met me.

Maybe sad isn't the right word. Angsty, maybe?

Her and Nate's god knows how long relationship took a toll on her all those years, her pretty makeup running down her cheeks after most interactions with the tall boy. I always wondered why either of them stayed in the toxic, suffocating relationship, but.

To each their own, I guess, right?

I had known her for a few years, her hand in mine at parties, my eyes stealing glances at her from across the room. She was none the wiser to my curious glances thrown her way, not thinking for a moment that her best friend might feel a bit more for her than she originally thought.

But then again, I wasn't fully aware of my feelings for Maddy until the eleventh grade. It didn't take much and it wasn't this big epiphany that I had. But all of a sudden, I saw her in a different light. A better one.

But the brooding, jealous jock that towered over her 24/7 didn't help my case. I hated the guy and Maddy was well aware of that fact. The two of us hated each other, and I still think to this day that Maddy loved something about that. She loved that the two people in the world who loved her most fought for her attention. I won most of the time. Unless it came to sex. Then Nate won, much to my dismay.

Then they broke up.

It was a huge, month long debacle.

An annoying one at that. I heard every moment of it, her yelling at him through the phone, her crying in my arms, her swaying against my hips at parties when we'd get drunk. It pained me to watch her fall apart inside, but I knew that it was for the best overall. I hated seeing her in pain and I prayed that this would be the last time she would hurt for a long time.

I knew that I wanted to be with her from the moment that they broke up. But I waited, patiently (kind of) on the sidelines as I helped her pick up her pieces. She was always one to bounce back but there was something about Nate that weakened her. I could tell she hated that with her whole being.

The first time we kissed, she had come to my doorstep with an empty look, her head tilting up at me expectantly. I didn't know what she wanted but I invited her in anyways. She never really showed up without explanation but, for her, I would open my door at any time.

"Do you think sexuality is like a spectrum?" Maddy asks, her voice quiet in my bedroom, the sound of crickets echoing through the cracked window. I look over at her with soft eyes, watching as she yawns, her eyes closing briefly.

"Yeah, for sure. I think that, even if you're 100% straight, that there's always that one person you'd risk it all for." I whisper, my words weighing heavily down on me as she tilts her head, her brows pulled together as she waits for me to continue. "Like I would do anything for Ruby Rose." I giggle, watching her playfully roll her eyes at me.

"No but I mean like seriously." She chuckles, rolling over onto her side as I shrug, not knowing what to say. "Could you date a girl?" She asks, my heart beating wildly against my chest. I guess I had never specified to her, out loud, that I liked women but when's a better time than now, huh?

"Uh, yeah. I'd date a woman." I reply simply, her eyebrows raising as her tongue darts out to wet her lips.

"Yeah." She whispers, her eyes flickering away from me bashfully as she sighs. "I didn't know you liked girls." She whispers with a small frown, the fact that there was something that she didn't know about me obviously upsetting her.

"I never really dated one before so there would've been no reason for you to know." I explain, her head bobbing in a quiet nod as I roll onto my side to face her. "How do you feel about girls?" I ask quietly, her lip tugging in between her teeth as her chest deflates.

"I don't know, I guess. Maybe that's why I'm asking." She huffs quietly, a small smile on my lips as a million thoughts run through her head. "But like, would you have sex with a girl?" My cheeks warm wildly at her question, my eyes closing as I snort.

"I think that falls under the category of liking women, Mads." I snicker as she smirks, rolling her eyes at my attitude. "Yeah, I'd have sex with a woman. It would have to be the right woman, but sure." I sigh, my fingers itching out to touch her as she scoots a bit closer to me.

"Would you date me?" She asks, her eyes shy as she looks over my shocked face, my words coming out in a stuttered mess.

"I mean, are we asking hypothetically or 'me' me." I laugh nervously, but her face stays completely stoic. "Oh you mean 'me' me- shit." She smiles softly, her confidence not fading for a moment as I try my best to collect myself. "Yeah, Maddy. You're beautiful and smart and everyone else around you seems to see that except you." I whisper, her eyebrows raising briefly as she smiles bashfully.

"Well fuck, Y/n, you never told me you were a smooth talker." She flirts with a laugh, folding her knees up to her chest as she traces over the curve of her knee. "I think that I was dumb for dating Nate- fuck that- dating boys, period." She snorts, her eyelashes fluttering against her soft cheek.

"I agree, you were really fucking stupid for that." I giggle, her eyes rolling as she reaches out to smack my thigh. I swat her hands away, her quiet giggles making my heart swell. "I'm just playing. He was what you needed at that time but I hope he taught you a very valuable lesson." I huff, her eyes twinkling as she gives me a deadpan look.

"What's the lesson? To not date Men?" She snorts but I nod. "Yeah, I agree." She adds, her head shaking briefly. "Maybe I want to date women but, like, not just any woman." I nod, my mind practically hanging onto every word she says.

"I say go for it." I whisper, her eyes lighting up as she smiles gratefully. "You know I'll love and support you no matter what." I reach out, gently taking her hand in mine as she smiles, her cheeks heating up in the dark room.

"What about you?" She asks suddenly, my shoulders shrugging, confused by her question. "I mean, you sound like you have experience with women." She whispers curiously and I send her a careful nod, not knowing where this is going. "Have you kissed a girl before?" She quizzes, my cheeks heating up as I grin, her small gasp making me chuckle. "You have?!" She gasps, my head nodding as I avert my gaze from her curious ones. "I haven't." She pouts, my eyebrows pulling together softly at her frown.

"Do you want to?" I ask quietly, Maddy hesitating a moment before nodding her head, her chin tilting up to look at me. "Do you want to kiss me?" I scoot closer to her a bit, our fingers linking in between us as she shrugs nervously. "Might as well be with me and not anyone else for the first time." I giggle, trying my best to soothe her anxiety but this is all coming from a place of selfish motives. The need to taste her lips on mine just once weighing on me heavily.

"What if I only want it to be with you and not with anyone else? Like, ever." She whispers, her teeth biting at the inside of her cheek as I grin proudly.

"Then I'd say I'm on board with that." I chuckle, sitting up a bit to lean over her. She looks up at me nervously, her fingers tucking a piece of hair behind her ear as she takes a deep breath. Deciding to take the first step, I gently reach over, cupping her cheek as she smiles softly. Leaning down, she gently parts her lips to capture mine, the kiss soft and quick as I pull away nervously. She giggles quietly into the space between us, her nose bumping against mine as she steals another small peck.

After that night, we were pretty much dating. Though it wasn't specifically spoken out loud until about a month later, we were together. We were both new to this type of relationship, the dynamic, it being a complete change of pace compared to where we used to.

I helped her through the rest of her breakup with Nate, her still suffering the consequences of his actions. She didn't know how to be loved, how to love someone else. She craved attention but shoved it away when she really needed it. But after months of work and communication, she finally tore down her walls and let herself feel. Let herself work through all the fucked up shit Nate and her shared.

Then she was free.

"What're you thinking about over there? I can see the smoke coming out of your ears." Maddy giggles next to me, tugging the blanket further up her naked body as I toss my phone to the side.

"You, I'm thinking about you." I snort, her eyes widening naughtily at my words.

"Well, why are you thinking about me when I'm right here." She winks, her eyebrows wiggling teasingly at me as I roll my eyes. "I'm naked in your bed, bitch, and you're just thinking about me?" She snickers as she rolls towards me, her evil eyes gazing up at me. "Kiss?" She offers, puckering her lips as I lean down, kissing her softly.

"Guess I'll have to stop thinking about you and give you attention, huh? Since you're obviously so fucking bratty." I offer with a giggle, her head thrown back in laughter as she nods. "You're lucky I love you." I whispers, fingers dancing over her side as she slips under the blankets with a wink, a quick 'I love you' thrown over her shoulder.

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