#natasha zelle

[weheartstims]

margie from idv with transfem stims? :3

Margaretha Zelle (Identity V) with transfem stims!

🏳️‍⚧️|🩷|🏳️‍⚧️ 🩷|🏳️‍⚧️|🩷 🏳️‍⚧️|🩷|🏳️‍⚧️

[jewelianism]

the place became a taboo subject for residents after a nightmarish gathering.

[phantomhivestims]

Margaretha Zelle Stimboard

[ladyandthewalrus]

IDV Characters and Their Birthplaces

A reasonable number of people seem to have liked my previous chart of IDV characters and their social classes/income levels, so I thought I’d whip up another charting where the characters were born.

This chart operates on a combination of canon information and reasonable speculation including historical precedent and additional info from characters’ birthday art and the real people they are based on. It is not meant to crap on headcanons in any way, just chart the likely makeup of the cast as written (also! The United Kingdom and especially England and Scotland have lots of immigrant populations from across the world, but especially other parts of Europe, Asia and Africa).

Feel free to consult the list of everyone’s class backgrounds here, keeping in mind that we are taking for granted travel across the Atlantic was out of reach for members of the lower class and we are assuming that while IDV does have fantastical elements, given the heavy focus on class differences, money (and the need/desire for it) and the desperation created by poverty in many characters’ backstories, it is taking into consideration how expensive it would be for characters to get around. So we see more characters from North America and continental Europe who are from middle and upper classes make it to the manor, with a few exceptions like, Helena.

Also important is that on a grand scale, a lot of the events in IDV intertwine extremely closely. It is a small world full of fuckery, bad science, and occultism that seems to mostly be happening centered in one area, with Oletus Manor, Lakeside, White Sand Street Asylum, the Arms Factory, and Scared Heart Hospital all located within the bounds of one unnamed county/shire in England. Baron DeRoss definitely has an extensive information network that spans continents, but plenty of the characters in the story are locally sourced, as it were.

Let’s get going!

Born in England:

♡Margaretha/Natalie/Natasha: Likely born in England. She was raised in Lakeside Village, which is a stone’s throw from Oletus Manor based on this map from one of the art books. Although here referred to as LakeView, I think it is very fair to assume the name was changed in translation or slightly altered, but is meant to be understood as the same place, as many important in-game locations are in close proximity to each other and the water from Lakeside has unusual properties used in experiments by various parties at other lore-significant locations. Her uncle’s family is poor, so she was probably not born far from Lakeside. In terms of her ethnic background, her deductions mention her family eating borscht, so they probably hail from Eastern Europe originally. Her uncle’s surname, Hayward is English, and her adopted surname Zelle is Dutch and German.

♡Freddy: Freddy was present at Emma/Lisa’s first birthday party, suggesting a long friendship with Leo and having lived in the unnamed shire/town a long time too. He also makes several classist and xenophobic comments throughout the diaries of his manor group and is noted by the experimenters in his recent birthday letter to buy into Victorian England’s stratified class system and contempt for the poor. The Riley surname originates specifically from Yorkshire and Lancashire in England.

♡Memory/ Alice: Born in England to a noble father. Although the accents of the characters as portrayed by voice actors in English are really inconsistent, with the English Emma having an American accent, it is worth noting that both Memory’s narration in the Season 19, Essence 1 trailer, Alice’s words to Orpheus in Time of Reunion, and the off-screen voice of her mother in-game during Time of Reunion all make use of upper-class English accents. The surname DeRoss is an anglicized version of a Dutch surname.

♡Emily/Lydia: Emily is partially based on the English serial killer of infants, Amelia Dyer. She also worked early in her career at several locations on the map attached above, making it likely she was born somewhere not too far away. Her family is middle class, meaning she could reasonably be from anywhere in the United Kingdom as members of the middle class could move around within adjoining countries with relative ease. The surnames Jones and Dyer are both English.

♡Robbie: As an orphan taken to what became White Sand Asylum, he would have been from the surrounding area. His surname White is either English, Scottish, or Irish in origin.

♡Emma/Lisa+Leo: Leo’s ill-fated factory was located in the town directly by Oletus Manor. Given the timeline of events, with him burning the factory down when Emma was 10-11, Emma at least was probably born in this English town. The Beck surname is common in English and Slavic-speaking countries, and Woods is an English surname.

♡William: he is based off the real life Englishman William Ellis who is credited, perhaps erroneously, with creating Rugby, which did at least originate in England in 1845. The surname Ellis is Welsh and English.

♡Kreacher: as an impoverished orphan, Kreacher would not have traveled much, and there is almost no way he was born somewhere other than the contagious United Kingdom in terms of logistics. His surname Pierson is also English.

♡Tracy: If her father Mark’s clock shop being included/ referenced in the Chinatown map is anything to go off of, Tracy was probably born in England, as many major cities in the United Kingdom have Chinatowns but most are in England.  Her surname, Reznik is Czech.

♡Grace: She's a foundling that washed into Lakeside, so must have originated in the surrounding area to an extent. Her surname is unknown, both in terms of her birth and adoptive parents.

♡Kurt: Explicitly stated to have been born in Yorkshire, England. Frank is a German surname.

Born in Scotland:

♡Norton: Campbell is one of the most common surnames in Scotland, originating in the borderlands between England and Scotland. Two interesting things of note about the name 1) it means crooked-mouth, and Norton’s official art features him with a half-smile, half-frown, and 2) Clan Campbell is, to this day, not well thought of and considered to be full of violent backstabbers, which is also apt seeing as he is willing to resort to violence and trickery to get ahead in life. Norton’s skin Stray Poet/Troubadour also has him sporting the Clan Campbell Tartan (thank you @tallemy in the IDV lore discord for pointing that out). His birthday art from 2022 also features a map of the Scottish Highlands, and Scotland is known to be rich in mineral wealth, and thus, mining operations.

♡Percy: based on the character of Victor Frankenstein, who while Swiss in the novel, was based on the real-life Scottish scientists  Andrew Ure and James Lind.  For Percy to be getting corpses from Andrew, who is snatching them from an United Kingdom cemetery, it’s reasonable to think he is in the United Kingdom too, and he is a colleague of Burke, who is has been woking in England for decades..

Born in Wales:

♡Eli: His deductions and letters mention the character of Brooke Rose, a mistranslation of the name Blodeuwedd, a famous character from Welsh mythology, which tends to be fairly obscure. His surname, Clark, is generic and found throughout the United Kingdom.

Born in Ireland:

♡Keigan: The Clerk is partially based on the unpopular Irish judge and politician William Keogh. Again, although the accents employed in video materials are inconsistent, she clearly has an Irish accent in her English character trailer. Her surname Keogh is Irish through and through.

Born somewhere in the United Kingdom or British Isles:

♡Martha: Or at least “Martha” is passing herself off as the British Martha. The ideal of the “angel in the house” and Victorian womanhood Martha Behamfil fought against is inexorably tied to British class and gender values. Behamfil is likely a bastardization of Beham, which is an English surname by way of the Normans.

♡Fiona: Very little is known about Fiona’s background, but her given name is Celtic. The surname Gilman is also English with Norman origins.

♡Melly: She stared as a domestic servant at a manor, likely somewhere in the United Kingdom. As such, she was probably born in the United Kingdom, as the pitifully low wages of housemaids would make international travel legitimately impossible. Her surname before marriage, Ndlovu, suggests her father’s family hails from South Africa or Zimbabwe.  

♡ Ann: she comes from a wealthy family that falls within the geographical  range of influence of the cat cult. Her family own pastoral land where sheep graze, and sheep are in many ways the stereotypical livestock of the United Kingdom. Her surname is not known.

♡Bane: if he's working as a gamekeeper, he’s likely from the area around Oletus and knows the land well. Perez is a Spanish surname extremely common in the United States and Mexico, but also sometimes in Peru and even France.

♡Mike: A circus foundling and adoptee, he was probably locally sourced by Bernard. Morton is an English and Scottish surname.

♡Emil: Another character who would not have ranged far due to his extreme poverty, who was found near White Sand Asylum in a delirious state. His family surname is unknown, and the name Emil itself is popular broadly across continental Europe, and offers no clues.

♡Violetta: a circus foundling, based on a German performer, Violetta Wagner but probably abandoned somewhere in the United Kingdom unless the Hullabaloo and her prior employer/foster father/owner Max had international reach. The actual historical Violetta had living relatives and traveled with them.

♡Aesop: His given name is Greek (and honestly a very unique choice on the part of his mum). His Once skin previously including the Italian word for shame/disgrace, vergogna, is probably a reference to him going to an elite academy in that timeline, as many upper-class British boy’s schools included Latin, Italian, Greek etc in their curriculums. His letters to his teammates during his manor game are impeccably written, suggesting English is his first language. The surname of his foster father, Carl, is German, but the surnames of his birth parents are unknown. 

♡Andrew: Scottish Andrew theory here, and more broadly, Laz/Luz/Lutz Cemetery is within train ride distance  from Oletus Manor, making it in England, Scotland or Wales. Given his childhood landlord is buried in that cemetery, he has to have been born in one of these countries too. His German surname, Kreiss, makes plenty of sense, as Germans are one of the largest ethnic groups in the United Kingdom.

♡Orpheus: His parents were park rangers/ groundskeepers employed by the English DeRoss family. We do no know his given name and surname, as Orpheus is a nickname/alias. 

♡Ada: Ada and her father are based on the German doctor and scientist Franz Mesmer. It is highly likely Ada was born in England, given her father practiced there, and she came across Emil begging on the street when they were both children in the vicinity of the unarmed town so discussed in this post. The surname Mesmer is German.

♡Murro: A circus foundling and adoptee, he was probably locally sourced by Bernard. Morton is an English and Scottish surname.

♡Luca: 100% ethnically Serbian, based on his being heavily based on Nikola Tesla,  and his favorite  dish, ajvar, coming from the Balkans.  Active in the United Kingdom during his time working with Alva, who in turn knew his father as a young man, since the cat cult is linked to the events around the manor, Lakeside, and Golden Cave, all of which are in England. His surname, which is translated as Balsa but probably meant to be Balzer or Balzac, is Austrian.

♡Weepy/Joker: another circus foundling. He has no known surname and no proper first name either.

♡Alva: based on Thomas Alva Edison, an American with Dutch heritage. Alva and Herman, and then Luca, were working on their invention somewhere in the United Kingdom given that the cat cult got their hands so easily on Alva’s corpse. Lorenz is a German, Dutch and Spanish surname.

♡Will Brothers: orphans and circus foundlings. Their surname is German, and they don't possess given first names.

♡Luchino: fluent enough in English to conduct lectures at a college in England, and able to get to the manor by train. The surname Diruse is a nonsense name like Behamfil, but is probably a corruption of DeRossi, which, like his given name, is Italian. It is a given thing in IDV that to be Italian is to be cursed by a supernatural entity.

♡Burke: I think I’ve heard speculation that Burke is based on the Canadian architect Edmund Burke, but there aren’t many definitive pieces of evidence pointing to this besides the name Burke and a connection with architecture; the connection is a lot weaker than with other characters inspires by real people.  Lapadura is allegedly (?) Sicilian, but a very rare surname.

♡Victor:  His family seems to have been poor based on his dialogue in the Autumn Letter event. His favorite dish (and Luchino’s too) is Steak Diane, which was invented in London anachronistically in the 1930s. Grantz is a German surname

♡Edgar:  One of the few characters I can only tentatively guess about, falling into this category simply because so many of the characters are British. One of the artists Edgar is based on, Edouard Manet, was French. The surname Valden is apparently Russian, though very rare. Perhaps, perhaps, he is indeed French, and as none of the other participants of his game (José, Vera, Kevin, and Patricia) are British, they’d all be outsiders, in a sense.

♡Lucky: he is just some poor guy dressed like a 90′s kids sitcom character. I don't know. Also probably from Britain because almost everyone is.

♡BonBon: honorary inclusion. He is whatever his dad Burke is. A little Sicilian-British robot?

♡Galatea: Galatea is partially based on Camille Claudel, who was French, but she was likely born in Britain. She and her family are in the same social circles as the British Baron DeRoss, and she is mentioned to be considering traveling to Florence and Paris, which would be viable given her family’s wealth and not worthy of note if she did live in France already.

Born in Belgium:

♡Servais: Based on the real magician Servais LeRoy, who did spend a good part of his career in Britain. LeRoy is a surname specifically from northern France.

Born in Spain:

♡José Baden: He has a surpassingly common Spanish name and his favorite food is Paella. His family’s shipping activities saw them sailing frequently through the Mediterranean Sea. The surname Baden has Danish origins.

Born in Germany:

♡Jack: IDV’s version of Jack is heavily based on one of the candidates for Jack the Ripper’s identity, the artist Walter Sickert, who was born in Germany but grew up in England from the age of 8 onwards. Sickert is a fairly uncommon German surname.

Born in Austria:

♡Frederick: A HUGE number of composers and musicians were active in Austria, and specifically Vienna, in the 19th century. Frederick is mentioned in his deceptions as departing from Vienna for Paris, making it likely he and his family lived there, given his father was a famous musician. Many of them were from Polish or Hungarian families. Kreiberg appears to be German, as there’s a very similar German surname Kreisberg.

♡Marie Antoinette/Maria Antonia/Mary: This applies more to the historical Marie, as canon material suggests Hunter Mary is a woman experiencing delusions of being Marie Antoinette. Although Queen of France, she was born in Austria and lived there for the first 14 years of her life.

Born in France:

♡Joseph: fled France with his family. Joseph is confirmed to be largely based on the French inventor  Joseph Nicéphore Niépce, who even had a brother named Claude. Desauliners is a French surname that is much more common in Canada than France.

♡Vera/Chloe: Vera hails from the French town of Grasse, a hotspot in the perfume industry. Nair is apparently  (?) a Scottish surname, of all things.

♡Philippe: he is based on Philippe Curtis, a surgeon and wax artist. In his debut trailer, the map projected behind his sister shows his voyage beginning in what is either Eastern France or the Western edge of Switzerland. Surname unknown.

Born in Italy:

♡Antonio: he is based on the Italian violinist Niccolò Paganini. A celebrity musician would be internationally mobile and welcome at courts across Europe. His 2022 letter speaks of his lover, Andrea, who also has an Italian given name. His actual surname is unknown, as he is never referred to as Paganini in canon materials.

Born in Czechoslovakia/ The Czech Republic:

♡Annie: her mother was a British socialite, and her father a Czech painter. Her favoring of unconventional traditional dress despite being part of the upper class indicates she feels closer to her Czech, rather than British heritage, and as such likely grew up in proximity to other ethnically Czech people, as I doubt she would have access to that side of her culture as much had she grown up in the United Kingdom. Her 2022 birthday letter also lists her inheritance from her mother in British pounds, which would be odd to do when writing to someone who was also in Britain, as it could be assumed that was the currency in question. Her favorite food is Czech sausage. Lester is an English, not Czech surname, and it’s possible Annie identifies by her mother’s maiden name as a fuck you to her dreadful father.

Born in the United States:

♡Helena Adams: Based on the American activist and scholar Helen Keller. Her international travel was likely facilitated by Sullivan, as her family is not wealthy. The Adams surname is Scottish and English.

♡Patricia: abandoned as a baby in New Orleans, Patricia was technically born at sea and could count as being from Haiti as much as the United States. She is very loosely inspired by Voodoo practitioner and herbalist Marie Laveau, who was of French, Black and Native American heritage.  The surname she shares with her adoptive mother, Dorval, is French.

♡Kevin: his friend childhood Angelica was a member of the Great Sioux Nation, who since the 19th century have lived for the most part in the Midwestern states of North and South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana and Nebraska. His Spanish surname indicates Spanish and possibly Mexican heritage as well, given many cowboys and farmers were mestizo.

♡Demi: Demi’s birthday materials include a ferry ticket for a vessel traveling from New York, suggesting she lives in the United States.  In terms of gameplay, she doesn't give drinks to underage characters due to strict censorship, but as a lore explanation, it would make sense that (although anachronistic by a good few decades) a European would not have any problem with giving someone under the age of 21 alcohol, but an American character may be stricter about drinking age.  The surname Bourbon is French.

Born in India:

♡Ganji: explicitly confirmed to have been born in India. The Gupta surname comes from Northern India.

Born in Nepal:

♡Naib: again, explicitly confirmed. The great question is how a mercenary from the Himalayas wound up in England carrying out assassinations.  We only know him by his alias, and have no idea what his given and family names might be.

Born in China:

♡ Shiyi/Yao: the daughter of a Chinese noble. Given that Shiyi came to Oletus to find her partner, Si, I also wonder how Si wound up involved in the dealings of an English manor in the first place and how the pair came to Baron DeRoss’ attention given the vast distance. The Xiao surname is ancient, originating between 770 to 476 BC, and is very common today in China.

♡ Bi’an + Wujiu: based on Heibai Wuchang, Chinese folk deities. Their in-game lore has them as two former government officers. Fan is a very common surname in China and Vietnam, and Xie ie even more common.

Born in Japan:

♡Michiko: Born in Japan, and moved to England with Miles Donnelly. His surname is Irish, but given that Michiko’s corpse was disposed of by the Female Dancer’s uncle Eugene Hayward at Lakeside, she must have lived nearby with Miles.

🌙🌙They Came from Space 🌙🌙

♡Yidhra: an Outer God, a being in the Lovecraftian mythos defined as originating from outside our solar system. She has been on earth a long, long time, however.

♡Hastur: a Great Old One, a deity that is based on Earth but, according to his original lore, has been active on other plantets, as the work he is most closely associated with, the King in Yellow, features mentions of the city Carcosa, an extraterrestrial location associated with Hastur.

TLDR: almost everything is happening in one little area! Almost all of these people got rained on a lot and are serious about tea time. I regret using the heart symbol as a bullet point because truly there are some characters on this list I would not piss on if they were on fire, but I value aesthetic consistency and there are a few individuals on this list I would cook a four-course meal for (It’s Andrew. I want to feed him. I want him to eat a lot and then take a really quality nap). I hope all my links work. Thank you for taking the time to read this far. ♡♡♡

[galateacakes]

Explaining IDV characters' lore bc I'm bored (Part 6)

Note: I researched upon different sources so let me know if I forgot something or wrote anything wrong <3 Also, I'm only covering backstories/pre manor lore and won't go fully explain like what exactly happened to them during the games.

𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗮 𝗭𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗲 (The Female Dancer)

▪︎ Before she appeared on the circus, she was a simple, young lady named Natasha Hayward under the care of her aunt and uncle, Marjory and Eugene Hayward. The three immigrated to Lakeside Village and became residents there.

▪︎ At some point, she came to see the circus set up nearby and met Sergi, a man playing as the smiling clown. Sergi took Natasha out on spontaneous dates. At some point, he gifted her a music box.

▪︎ However, her uncle Eugene seemingly dissaproves from her dating Sergei. He proves this point by locking all of the house's doors but only leaves a window open, which Sergei used to snuck in.

▪︎ He had Natasha sprinkle "soothing salt" in their soup to make them fall asleep so she could escape easily.

▪︎ Eventually, she joined the circus as an animal tamer under the stage name Natalie Zelle. Sergi then proposed to her, soon enough, the two became married.

▪︎ However, their relationship took an unhealthy turn in which Sergi became an alcoholic and would physically abuse Natalie off stage.

▪︎ Another clown, Joker, saw her scars and confronted her about it. He wrote down a letter to her one night, and she sought refuge in his tent.

▪︎ Sergei eventually found out about this and became extremely envious of the fact that Joker had a crush for her. So, he took one of the clown's face paint and mixed it with one of the acrobat's chemicals; which caused burns and permanent scars on Joker's face as he applied it later on before a performance.

▪︎ Soon after, the circus was set into flames by someone who is known as the "Carnival Killer," causing the people inside to be slaughtered, and the only survivors in the incident were Margaretha and Murro. (Mike was away at that time as he was purchasing supplies for his bombs)

▪︎ With losing her husband in the blaze, she became a dancer upon the name of "Margaretha Zelle," to make money but fell into poverty later on.

▪︎ She then went to the Manor for a chance to become a millionaire and to gain a sense of 'freedom'.

That's all thank you !! (This has been on my drafts for so long, I polished this first before posting so let me know if I missed something (´∧ω∧｀*) )

[corantus]

so, absolutely love johnny and roxy, and i was just wondering - do you have headcanon voices for the characters/people you'd love to voice them in an animated adaptation?

oooh i get this question every once in a while and i end up answering it kind of differently every time lmao

johnny - lately i have been feeling zell steele morrow for him

roxy- the answer has basically always been natasha lyonne, lol. especially smoky quartz's voice

storm - she sounds like moominvalley 2019 snufkin in my head. idk what to tell you

razor - peridot with a lisp

darkstar - the lich from adventure time

needle - azula with a british accent (??)

[gopheryourpet]

2022 Redcoat Lava Corn Snake female. Natasha is eating frozen thawed rodents, has a calm disposition, and weighs 6 grams. As always these are photos of the actual snake available. Email us at ScalesforSale@GopherYourPet.com or Text/Call 682-414-0013. Payment plans, Credit/Debit Cards, Cash App, PayPal, Venmo, Zelle, and shipping are available. Kingwood, Texas. All sales are final. $150.00 GYP-4619

[diana-berry]

Anyone else notice they finally fixed Margaretha’s deductions?? No more confusing her with Fiona!! Not sure when they did this but I’m super glad!!

[marskincafe]

Margaretha Zelle (IDV) Aesthetic

For my self since I’ve been down lately, I’ve been a bit better the past couple days though, it’d not the best but it was just something fun to do, I prefer the other one I made honestly ;;

[arowaanaa]

Villager/NPC requests batch #2

Blathers & Celeste for @seabearcrossing // Zell and Natasha for @doubutsu-no-mori // Shep for @cach0ra

Thank you for requesting!! -Evi ♡

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Moment In Time

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: Just when you've gotten out, you’re given a reason to come back.

Warnings: Nothing for now unless I missed something.

Chapter 1

* * * * * * *

Music plays in your ears as the surrounding area blurs past you. Taking yet another lap around the overly large fountain, you feel the smallest drop of sweat trickle down the side of your head.

Running for two and a half hours seems to finally be yielding results.

You slow down some and a quiet, sarcastic, chuckle falls from your lips when another group of joggers passes by. They’d gotten here an hour ago and they were practically dripping sweat.

With a shake of your head you finish the lap in a matter of minutes, stopping afterwards and taking your headphones out. You take a few deep breaths as you look around.

The New York sky is as blue as it always is this time of year. People stroll by about a yard from where you stand, the streets and sidewalks bustling as usual, a few other runners on the same trail you just took.

A contented sigh leaves your lips.

For the first time in years, a calm peace washes over you. It’d taken you years to come to the decision to stop working, followed by a few months to mentally settle into your “retirement” as you’d been told it was.

The world doesn’t exactly need you anymore, earth’s mightiest heroes are doing all the saving and protecting now. Some of them you trust with your life while others you haven’t even met. All in all, you believe they’ve been getting the job done fairly well. Which made your retirement all the more easy.

If not working feels like this, you take another deep breath, you could get used to it.

Adjusting your headphones back into your ears, you barely jog three feet into your next lap when your phone rings. Fishing it out of your pocket, you sigh at the name displayed at the top and answer.

“Agent Y/Ln,” Fury’s voice floats into your ears,“ I need a favor.”

Just like that, you get the feeling you aren’t going to have the chance to get used to retirement.

* * * * * * *

Another uniformed guard walks by, his eyes glancing over at the two people in the cell, before he continues his leisure stroll down the hall.

The brunette archer runs his tongue across his bottom lip, eyes narrowing just barely before yet another pebble flicks across the cell and bounces off the wall right beside the ear of an already agitated ex-assassin.

“Barton, I swear to god if another rock comes within a foot of my face I will kill you before these morons even have the chance to consider it.” Natasha seethes, jaw clenching in frustration.

Clint snorts to hold in a laugh, raising his hands in surrender.“ My bad.”

Sighing heavily for the millionth time today, Natasha leans her head back against the cement wall, fingers gingerly running over the uncomfortable matching cement floor.

“You sure you don’t wanna play finger football with me?” He asks, flicking a triangular piece of paper towards his friend.

“Clint what the h-” she glares from him to the paper then back,“ where did you even get that?”

Letting his amused smile show, he answers,“ my pocket,” with a casual shrug,“ never know when you’re gonna get captured by psychotic evil German scientists.”

Pinching the bridge of her nose, the red head holds in every noise of frustration and foul word in her arsenal. She already can’t believe she allowed herself to get captured, Clint’s incessantly childish behavior is only adding to her bad mood.

A mere eight hours ago she’d been on a very easy mission with her team. Infiltration and intel gathering was a form of work she was overly familiar with, having done it before and during her time with SHIELD and the Avengers.

But with a new recruit on the team, and this having been his first infiltration mission, figuratively communicative wires got crossed.

A simple “payload secure” came across as something different in Sam’s ears, what he heard she can’t even try to guess, but it led to him coming her way with a shit load of guards. Disgruntled sounds of fighting drew Clint to their location but even then the amount of enemies was overwhelming.

Distress calls were cut short and staticy through the short communication devices they had. So, being the only one with a clear and easy route out of the chaos, Sam was given the task to get out while he could and to send back up.

The seconds after he left, Natasha and Clint were taken, blinded, stripped of their weapons and comms, and brought to this cell.

While they were aware of the rescue coming for them, they still looked for a way out but found none. Especially not with the rotation of guards that patrolled by every half hour. Like clockwork, another was headed their way.

The whistling of an all too American song rang through the halls, slipping into the cell and grabbing the attention of both agents.

Clint’s eyebrows pinch together when the guard stops in front of the cell, then turns to face them. His calculating gaze trails over their body while an equally observant Natasha looks as well.

She stares at the guard, a stone cold expression masking her face as she commits your appearance to memory. Your eyes, hair, the build of your body currently clad in the same blue uniform as the other guards. Something was different though.

While the guards came off as exactly what they are, lackeys for whoever is running this show, you are much bigger. The look on your face isn’t as submissive and blank as the others.

Clint scoffs, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, eyes scanning over you,“ what’re you? A new hire?” He asks sarcastically, deciding to speak as he knows Natasha won’t say a word.“ Send you in to intimidate us?”

A silent moment passes.

“Buddy, you think I’m the bad guy?” You tilt your head with a raised eyebrow. A little chuckle leaves your lips at the confused expression he pulls and the one Natasha tries to hide.

Taking a step closer to the cage, you slip your arms between the cast iron bars and lace your fingers together.“ I’m here to save your asses. Since you went and got yourselves captured.”

For the first time Natasha speaks, a velvety soft voice flowing from the cement box into your ears,“ who sent you?”

Her green eyes look into yours and that, coupled with her voice, intrigues you even more. Seeing as you are more than aware of who Black Widow is. But you know now isn’t the time to fall into a gay panic over a gorgeous woman.

“Fury.” You answer,“ it’s not often Nick calls in a favor so I had to come. Now, let’s say we get out of here yeah?” They both watch as you grab hold of the bars, pulling one good time, arms flexing as you easily break the lock and send the door sliding open and slamming into the wall.

Clint and Natasha share a look as you step inside, walking over to Clint and breaking his chains first, then going to do the same to Natasha.

You raise an eyebrow at her expression after breaking the first chain,“ listen red, you don’t have to trust me.” She stands up and looks down at you, until you rise up and look down at her.“ But you do need to trust Fury. Got any complaints, take it up with him after you’re not surrounded by a bunch of lunatics with guns.”

With that she watches you exit the cell, looking left and right, then waving them forward as you go left down the corridor.

The two agents follow you as you silently incapacitate every guard in your path, sharing a look for the third time today.

As you’re taking down your tenth guard, Clint looks from you to Natasha.“ Are we really supposed to believe they’re on our side? Cause,” he takes a deep breath and releases it.

“They’re trusted by Fury.” Natasha looks at her friend,“ and that’s all I need to know for now.”

Stopping in front of a door, you peek through the glass, then take a step back. You square your shoulders and adjust the cap on your head, smiling dazzlingly at the two.

“Do me a favor, wait around that corner,” you point to the opposite side of them where a dark empty pocket sits in the hallway,“ and try not to get captured again.” You wink and step into the room without another word.

They stare at the door you disappeared into, long enough to hear you speak.

“Wo sind die Gefangenen in Zelle 4 hingegangen?”

Natasha understood your words perfectly fine but Clint was a little lost. The short silence followed your continued shout of,“ Finde sie! Jetzt! Eile!”

Eyes wide Natasha grabs Clint’s hand and pulls them into the dark just before a slew of guards pour out of the room and down the same way you’d all just come from.

Clint and Natasha barely have a chance to blink before the door beside them opens. Sunlight streams through the door, followed by you coming out of the room.

“Figured you might want these back,” you say as you stop in front of them and hold their confiscated weapons out to them.

Clint is quick to sling his quiver around his shoulders, extending his bow and hugging it, a quiet ‘I missed you’ muttered under his breath toward the inanimate object.

A snort of a laugh leaves your lips before Natasha takes her batons from you and holsters them at her sides.

Taking your cap off, you toss it aside and smooth your hand through your hair.“ Cover was blown about thirty seconds ago so,” you nod to the outside,“ let’s get to that fancy jet you’ve got a few miles out before the fireworks start.”

Flashing another confident smirk, you slip out the door. The two agents follow closely behind you. All three of you work almost flawlessly in taking down the guards in your path to the jet.

It comes into view and you stop to let them run ahead of you, turning to look at the building as it seemingly spontaneously combusts in three specific locations.

Satisfied with your work, you nod and turn around. Almost all eyes are on you as you jog up the ramp into the jet. A silent crunch is heard before you toss crumpled plastic and wires out of your hand.

“Can’t have them tracing that back to us.” You say, stepping fully into the jet and looking around as the door closes behind you.

Stern blue eyes stare into yours, an almost upset march carrying him to stand in front of you.“ If there’s anyone alive.” He says angrily.“ Did you stop to think how many people you may have just killed?”

Your eyebrow quirks up at his tone of voice. Trailing your eyes down his body you mentally purse your lips and nod. Admittedly you could see why Peggy was so smitten. Assuming he didn’t take this type of attitude with her.

However you can’t say you’re taken with the Captain America. His already condescending attitude wasn’t something you liked and while you know it’s a possibility he’s just this way cause you don’t know each other, it’s also possible he’s just an ass. Either way he isn’t why you’re here.

“Captain,” you nod,“ always thought our first meeting would be more pleasant than this. But aye, they say you’re never supposed to meet your idols right.” You shrug and step around him, making to head to the front of the jet.

Only his hand grips your arm and he spins you around with a glare now on his flawless looking face.

Glancing down at the offending hand on your arm, you figure he’s nonverbally demanding an explanation so you give it.“ There were charges at both entrances and the security room. I made sure to send everyone away from those areas before I blew it up. There may be some minor injuries, if that. But next time I’ll just leave and give them every opportunity to come after us, Captain.” You tell him, gripping his hand in yours and prying it from your arm.

His glare turns to a slight look of surprise. While his grip hadn’t been enough to hurt an ordinary human, yours was equal to, if not potentially stronger, than his true strength. Enough force to have broken anyone else’s hand in multiple places.

“Who are you?” He asks, maintaining his attitude.

Not one for dealing with that, you mumble your name to him and go to the front of the jet.

Your blank face morphs into a smile at the sight of the man in the pilot's seat.“ Never was one to give up control huh?” You ask teasingly as you drop your hand on his shoulder.

His gaze lands on you with a quick snap of his head towards you. The smirk on your face and the fact that it was actually you, made him snicker.

Making quick work of throwing the jet on autopilot, he moved his chair back and stood up to pull you into a hug, to the shock and surprise of every member of his team.

“Good to see you T.” You pat his back before pulling away.

A smile tugs on his lips and he nods.“ Ditto. This doesn’t count by the way.” He points a finger at you as you clap your hand on his shoulder.

“It definitely counts. A save is a save. Might not have been you exactly but-”

Waving you off he mumbles,“ yeah yeah.” Then looks at his teammates, his arm wrapping around your shoulders despite the height difference.“ I take it you met the team.” He says to which you nod.

“Can’t say they’re all that fond of me.” You chuckle softly, eyes scanning over the still agitated Captain America, a man in a modified flight suit, and the two people you just saved.“ Are they always so annoyed when they get their asses saved or is it me?”

Tony shrugs,“ Capsicle always been a little icy.” He jokes and you laugh, shaking your head and pushing him away from you.“ Nat is- well she’s Nat. I think she’s starting to warm up to me but that’s taken quite a bit of time hasn’t it Romanoff?”

His gaze directs to the redhead and you follow it. Your eyebrow raises at the mocking smile she gives Tony followed by her asking,“ who exactly is Y/n and how do you know each other?”

Both you and Tony glance at each other and you take the liberty of answering her question. Speaking to her directly gives you the chance to truly look into her green eyes, which you must admit you find very beautiful.

A range of emotions flicker over everyone’s faces as you dip your toe into your long complicated past. You simplify your back story, only telling them that you met Tony his family, that you’re a super soldier, created after Steve went into the ice, and that you’ve been a part of SHIELD for a while.

There were many questions thrown your way and you heavily debated with yourself whether or not you wanted to tell them everything. You didn’t think it’d hurt to be a little mysterious. But there’s also the thought that you won’t be seeing these people much anyway so does it truly matter if they know who you are.

Whatever decision you’d come to ceased to matter as the jet landed. The door opened and your eyes raised to read the words written across the top of the building.

“Avengers?” You mumble, glancing at your long time friend/brother. He makes that face, that “what’re you gonna do” nonchalant face Tony always makes. With a shake of your head, you follow him inside, but instead of going with him towards the hallway, you b-line for the elevators.

Tony’s voice calls out to you, effectively grabbing the attention of his teammates,“ not joinin us Y/nn?”

You look back over towards him, your eyes landing on Natasha’s green ones first then on Tony. Smiling a little you shake your head,“ debriefing isn’t for retirees, Stark.”

Natasha frowns at your words and Tony shakes his head with a breathy chuckle.

All of you turn away from each other, them heading to the meeting room and you facing the elevator as the doors slide open.

“Agent, glad you could stick around for the debrief.” Fury says, making you frown and shake your head.

“No no,” you raise a finger, essentially telling him to hold up.“ I’m not an agent. Retired, remember.”

He stops walking to look back at you. Tilting his head, he raises his eyebrow,“ that was until today. I believe you did some work, seeing as Natasha and Clint are back.”

A heavy sigh leaves your lips and you drop your head, groaning lowly,“ Nick please. You know-”

“That you’re on your way to the meeting room. Glad to hear it.” Leaving no more room to talk, he turns and walks away, breezing past the few Avengers who’d stayed behind to watch the interaction.

Grumbling under your breath, you follow after the man. Tony slaps his hand onto your shoulder, a small amused smirk on his lips as he guides you to the meeting room.

With a, in your opinion, justified glare directed at Fury, you plop down into a chair. The man snorts at the huff you let out, averting his eyes to everyone else who comes in.

To your surprise and silent pleasure, Natasha ends up occupying the chair on your other side. When her eyes land on you, you give a small smile and wiggle your fingers in a short wave.

Her eyes narrow at you and you wink. She just barely lifts a brow at the way your face morphs from one of amusement to a no nonsense expression.

You straighten up in your seat, fingers lacing together and resting on the table as your gaze focuses on Fury.

Natasha finds it a bit of a struggle to take her eyes off of you. Since the second she saw you back in Berlin she hasn’t been able to get a clear read on you.

“Romanoff, can I have your attention?” Fury tilts his head and looks directly into Natasha’s eyes.“ Or is that too much to ask?” His tone takes a sassy turn and the redhead rolls her eyes, focusing on him.

The debriefing goes exactly how everyone is used to it going. They go over the original objective of the mission, then everyone gives a run down of what happened: the part they played, how they contributed to the objective, and in this case how things went south.

“Y/Ln,” Fury says, making Natasha’s gaze snap over to you. Had you been looking at her, you would’ve seen the surprise flicker through those green orbs.

“Director,” you nod in reply before going into detail about your infiltration into the German base and the extraction of Natasha and Clint.

All while you talk, Natasha looks at you. You, Agent Y/n Y/Ln. She can’t believe she didn’t connect the dots. Fury sent you in. You’d told her your name. She should’ve seen it. Everyone at SHIELD knows who you are. A lot of people outside of SHIELD know about you as well.

Your explanation of who you were in the quinjet wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg. She didn’t think this often of someone but: you are a legend.

“- things considered,” Natasha regains focus on the conversation, looking away from you to Fury as you speak,“ the mission could’ve gone off flawlessly.”

The man crosses his arms and shifts his weight,“ and what would you say the problem is Agent?”

“Underestimation sir. Or maybe misinformation.” Your response is a bit of a shock to everyone. You take their silence as an opportunity to further explain. You thought it was simple.

The mission was to grab intel from a science lab. As to be expected, the scientists and information there would be guarded. The underestimation or misinformation came in how heavily guarded the place was. Whatever surveillance or recon they had done wasn’t enough. So when they went in to collect they were overwhelmed or caught off guard which resulted in Natasha’s and Clint’s capture.

Everyone takes your words in stride, majority of them processing it and storing it for a time in which they’ll need to use it.

Shortly after that the debriefing ends with a few, what you know is meant to be taken as, encouraging words from Fury. Everyone stands after he’s left, starting to file out.

Once again as you make to leave, Tony stops you. He slaps your arm and you know he’d used as much force as he could behind the action.

Used to this from him, you sigh and shake your head, a small amused smirk on your lips as you look at him.“ What is it now Tony?”

He smiles at you,“ why don’t you hang out for a bit. Haven’t seen the tower yet.” You raise your eyebrow at him, gaze flicking to the redhead that walks past behind him, her eyes on you for a second before she looks away. Smile turning into a smirk he adds,“ you might just find a reason to stick around.”

* * * * * * *

Taglist: @owloftheshadows @natasha-danvers @yumusak-yastik

[wondereads]

Personal Review (03/27/22)

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan

Why am I reviewing this book?

I read this book pretty recently for my book club! I liked it, but I still had some things to critique.

Plot 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Lei follows in her mother's footsteps when she's taken by imperial soldiers, away from her home. She is forced into the position of Paper Girl, eight girls from the lowest caste, Paper, meant to serve the king. Lei is far below the half-demon Steel castes and full-demon Moon castes, which leaves her with no option but to accept her fate. However, Lei's attention is drawn to one of the other Paper Girls, Wren, partly because of her feelings and partly because she's up to something.

This is a fairly unique concept. Women being forced into positions of sexual servitude is nothing new, in both fiction and history, but there's something special about this one. In any other book, Wren would be the main character. However, with a story that focuses on Lei, it's interesting to see the perspective of someone adjacent to the typical 'protagonist'.

Unfortunately, it takes a while to build up to that. Between Lei's arrival at the palace and her eventual entanglement with Wren, the plot seems aimless. There's really nothing Lei is striving for, other than delaying her interaction with the king for as long as possible. Thankfully, it picked up before I gave up, but that part of the book dragged, and it is towards the beginning.

I liked the climax but not the end if that makes any sense. The climax itself was action-packed and I was truly on the edge of my seat, but the twist ending stole all the satisfaction of that climax from me. I love a good cliffhanger, but this one just frustrated me.

Characters 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

This is going to sound bad, but Lei is kind of flat. Her ideology and beliefs go through no development during this book. However, I still liked her. I found her dedication and perseverance charming, and it was incredibly easy to root for her. Also, a little bit of humor thrown in, it was a little funny to read about her admiring all the other girls' bodies and not realizing she's gay until she starts developing feelings for Wren. Still, I do hope she gets some more development considering she was pretty stagnant this time around.

I'm not going to say much about Wren because most things about her are very important to the plot and are major spoilers. If Wren had been the main character, I probably would have found this book very cliche, but she works very well as the love interest. As for Lei and Wren's relationship, it was sweet and healthy and I want to see more with them! I have a feeling they'll have some turbulence in the later books, but I also trust that they'll work it out.

One thing I particularly loved was the diversity in female characters. Not in their appearance or anything, but their own core ideals. Lei and Wren are both very against the idea of being Paper Girls, but they have their reasons to not rebel. Aoki, Lei's friend, is on the other side of the spectrum; she warms up to her role and develops genuine affection for the king. In the middle are characters like Blue and Zelle. Blue puts her all into being a Paper Girl to further her father's political career. Zelle dislikes being a courtesan, but she also takes pride in her skill and popularity. None of these characters are ever looked down on as lesser for their stance on this issue. It is never in doubt that the court's treatment of women is horrendous, but the women are allowed to make the best of their situation, and I loved that.

Writing Style 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

There was one, small thing about Ngan's writing that irked me through the entire book. There is a particular phrase, or phrase pattern, that is rather unoriginal and was used at least once every couple of chapters. I was incessantly encountering some variation of "getting ready for something. Or someone". I started noticing it the second or third time it popped up, and after that it irked me every time it was used. I know it's a very small issue, but I couldn't take my mind off of it.

Otherwise, I didn't mind the writing style at all. It wasn't anything special, but it wasn't bad either. I do wish, for a high fantasy set on a fictionalized version of an empire known for its arts and eloquence, that the writing stood out more.

Meaning 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

There is a very strong theme of feminism in this book. It is set in a fantasy world that mimics Ancient East/Southeast Asia, which was generally incredibly misogynistic. This novel reflects that. I normally hate when sexual violence against women is included in fantasy novels for the sake of 'historical accuracy', but it served a purpose here. Girls of Paper and Fire is about women being put into horrible, unbeatable situations and taking back their autonomy from a patriarchal government. The message is very well-executed and is only enforced by the aforementioned variety in the female cast.

Overall 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I did really like this book. It took me a bit, but I got into it. Once I got past the writing quirks, I was able to genuinely enjoy myself. I very much liked the characters, and the concept and choice of protagonist were very original. The meaning was so well done and exemplified through the actions of the characters, big and small. I had some issues, but I do think I would recommend this book overall.

The Author

Natasha Ngan: English-Malaysian, 32, also wrote The Elites and Memory Keepers

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every two weeks, sometimes once a week, usually over vacations. I take recommendations! Check out my about me post for more!

[baslash]

Townies Makeover ! (plus some OCs)

Yes, that’s my attempt to make a Sim version of Sigrid

Leslie Holland, Natasha Graab and Barbara Gordon

Margaretha Zelle from Identity V

Yoga session with Eliza Pancakes and Leila Illes

Audrey Feng (daughter of Feng household), Helena Gothik (daughter of Cassandra) and Zoe Patel

[booksandwords]

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan

Series: Girls of Paper and Fire, #1 Read time: 2 Days Rating: 3/5

The quote: Remember, even that which seems impossible at first can be overcome by strength of mind and heart. — Mistress Eira

Warnings: Sexual assualt

Anyone who follows my reviews knows I very rarely read sapphic romance. It's a personal preference I can't really explain. This appealed to me mostly due to the setting and to be honest the sheer popularity around it. I will state outright I did not know it was sapphic when I started reading. I do not at all regret my choice to read this. Natasha Ngan's writing style is beautiful, her world is engaging. Sapphic romance aside Ngan writes female friendship and enmity better than most authors I've read. The expression of the enmity is perfect, it's not violent. It's snitty, bitchy and ammunition is saved until the most advantageous moment. Friendships are formed but are not always bright and happy. There is jealousy, there is envy but there is also support. So often friendship between teenage girls is done poorly, I felt this was perfect for the setting at least. The characters are likeable and distinct. Not everyone is what they seem, there are some red herrings as to how important characters are, which is honestly nice. I found the plot enjoyable and not especially predictable. Some elements yes but not all of it. This definitely leaves places for book two, Girls of Storm and Shadow, to go. But it may work as a stand-alone if you want it to.

I really like the lore Natasha Ngan has built this world on. It's simplistic enough. Three casts; Demons the dominant cast, Moon the middle cast partially human, partially demon and Paper the lowest cast fully human and not magic. Members of the Demon and Moon castes have animal features. Moon caste will have different features in different configurations. Some examples The King, a Demon, is a Bull demon; Tien, who worked in the shop owned by Lei's family, is a Moon Lynx, with those ears and eyes; Kenzo, whom I won't talk about too much is a Moon wolf, with the tail of a wolf. There is other magic in the world, wielded by shamans. There are consequences to magic usage, everything in balance. The way the court functions, the way the women's court functions is all done well. The Hidden Palace in itself is very pretty. It's all really well put together. Also... *deep sigh of appreciation* maps. Maps of Ikhara and The Hidden Palace.

I'm not going to go into characters to much I'm getting book two in a couple of days, I'll write about characters then. But what I will say I liked Lei's strength, the way she occasionally wasn't, her ability to leave people to their beliefs even when she didn't agree. Wren points out at some point that they are counterbalances to each other, providing each other what they need. I enjoyed the idea of her keeping her walls up for to protect herself. Zelle was a stand out of the rest of the support, she was unexpected. The character are well introduced and it is easy enough to find their descriptions again if you forget who is who, most of the main supporting characters are introduced together.

My first instinct when I started reading was just seeing all the echoes to Memoirs of a Geisha which is something that has been said before but I will add my voice to it. While Sayuri is sold by her family, Lei is taken from her family threatened. Both have their eyes as their most gifted feature, Sayuri's grey indicate her strength in the water element, Lei's distinctive gold mark her as unique, lucky and more. For both of them, their eyes and those elements mean a lot to their story. Both are taken and thrust unwillingly into a potential life of privilege and a world of women. Zelle in particular feels like a tie between the two, a courtesan, former paper girl and strong confident young women. She felt a lot like Mameha. There are some similarities in the words they live in, the consequences if they make mistakes and the brutality of the men. In disclosure, I was far too young when I last read Memoirs but it is on my tbr but it's a long way down.

A dump of quotes and comments

"They have all the power anyway." [...]"Do they? Yes, they like to think they'e in charge, ordering us around and taking women for their own whenever they fancy. But is that true power? They can take and streal and break all they want, but there is one ging they have no control over. Our emotions," [...] "Our thoughts, our feelings. None of them will ever be able to control the way we feel. Our minds and hearts are our own. That is our power" — (Lei and Zelle) This made me so happy to read. It's a fantastic line and I love it.

"I don't want an easy life, I want a meaningful one." — (Wren) This is quintessentially Wren, Wren is all fight and do what is right.

I recall Mama's saying: Light in, darkness out. Perhaps it works another way, too. Fire in, fear out. — (Lei) Light in, darkness out is great on it's own. But with the fire line, with fire as representing fight, I like it even more. I'm writing this right after listening to a My Favorite Murder episode with an I survived story. Fight is a big thing in those Mary Vincent is a queen.

"Dazarja" — The one needs explanation. It translates to Traitor. It's a recurring line, the meaning changes throughout the book. It's just a really smart line used well.

"His spine stiffens. Not in fear, or even surprise. But the way a cat goes still when it's spotted a mouse. How the world grows silent before the roar of a storm. His stillness seems to ripple through the room until everything is forzen, everyone focused on the two of us, the fix of golden eyes on blue." — (Lei) One this is a great line and description of how the King is seen by Lei at a point, two it's a good example of the writing style.

I like Tekoa's prophecy and the way it is presented.

The whole idea of the birth-blessing and golden pendant. It's something I've read before but having it revealed only right at the end. Being it something for the reading to guess isn't always there.

I was looking up colour symbolism. Silver in particular. I was interested given that the Paper Girls are presented to the court in Silver. In Chinese, the best colour meaning I found was "Silver is also connected to metal and therefore money and wealth, but is also a symbol of romance and trustworthiness.". I think The King was interested in the trustworthiness aspect. Can I just say those dresses, especially Lei and Wren's are to die for. Even more so when the symbolism is explained

I will add something "Please be aware that this book contains scenes of violence and sexual assault.", props to anyone who puts this as a disclosure in a book, we need it more. This is a book about what is essentially a harem of teenage girls for a king, a violent king. The dedication is also telling.

"To Alex, This book is about brave, brilliant girls, and you are one of the bravest, most brilliant there is. Thank you, always."

I read the author's note. Natasha Ngan wrote this with young women who have been sexually assaulted in mind. Something she herself has experienced. Ngan is mixed-race Chinese/Malaysian and British and was raised between Malaysian and the UK. Another reason this was to allow another voice, to allow for people to explore another topic. And to give solace in a way to survivors. This is written through own voice as much as it can be given the mythological elements. Taking the dedication at the author's note, I feel that Alex as an amazing woman who went through something awful.

[decalexas]

have you ever read girls of paper and fire? it was on one of the lists of books youve reblogged, and i just finished it! youve been really inspiring me to get into reading so i was just curious if youve read it!

Hey there! As it happens, I have read it! My thoughts are kind of mixed.

(spoilers under the cut)

Warnings: Discussion of sexual assault, character death, and general spoilers for Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan. 

I enjoyed aspects of girls of paper and fire, but I think ultimately it read very YA, and YA just isn’t my thing. This isn’t to say anything is wrong with it, and I can’t criticize that aspect at all, as I knew that it was a genre that typically isn’t to my taste going in. 

I thought the worldbuilding was interesting and the settings and descriptions were gorgeous. I don’t reaaaally care for human/animal type fusions, but the premise was interesting and mature for YA, so I gave it a spin. I really cared about Lei as I was reading, and my heart hurt for her at so many moments. I also really liked Wren, but I felt that she got very little development, and as a result aspects of the romance felt underdeveloped at times, even if they were very sweet together. That said -- I am a sucker for a “forbidden/secret relationship” angle and I still ate that shit up. (I think the concept of, like... two women in a patriarchal “harem” type setting, falling in love and finding solace and comfort in each other very intriguing. Sort of in a historical sense? Where I’ve always wondered if those sorts of relationships happen. So I was very interested in that aspect of the book.) 

I really, really appreciate and respect Natasha Ngan for writing a book that is 1) set in an Asian-inspired fantasy setting that’s informed by her own culture, rather than what we often see, which is European inspired fantasy settings, and 2) I really admire and appreciate that she wrote a fantasy book that deals with themes of sexual assault and rape targeted at a young adult audience; she deals with it in a way that is compassionate and feels appropriate in tone for her readership. 

The aspects that kept it in an “eh, it was alright” zone for me were primarily the YA aspect, which simply is not to my tastes. I also had a few other issues: I think all the major characters could’ve had a touch more depth; I've seen some criticism of the writing of the character Zelle, who is sort of falls into the “Hooker (Courtesan) With A Heart Of Gold” trope, and then dies at the end, which I felt was unfortunate. A VERY minor gripe i have that is 10000% personal, wholly biased, and not from a perspective of “problematic” but simply something I found annoying and distracting, were the identical twin characters who were basically the same incredibly boring person with rhyming names. This is a little thing that just makes me, a twin, roll my eyes because it felt lazy. 

I also wish that the author had dealt a little more in detail with the experiences of all the Paper Girls, not just Lei, in their relationships with the Demon King. In particular, I would’ve liked to have seen Wren’s side of things a little - she’s in the harem for the purpose of rebellion--but she has also been put into a position where her father figure sent her into the enemy’s inner circle, into a situation of what I see as a coercive sexual relationship - she is there for a purpose she’s devoted to and I suppose in a sense you might argue that she consented to it, but even in a situation where she was completely prepared for what she had to do and saw it as a necessary sacrifice, I’m very curious about the psychological toll. (In some ways, I feel like Lei’s relationship with the Demon King receives more development than hers and Wren’s-- which is like. Fair, I think, because one’s abuser IS a major influence and impact on one’s life, but I think my heart wanted a little more development between the two girls.) 

The book didn’t really instill in me a furious need to read the next one--I’ve bought it, but it’s been sitting on my eReader for months. I’ll probably get around to it at some point. Really, what I want to know about the sequel is if it will give Wren further development, because if that doesn’t happen I’m kinda lukewarm. Overall, I liked the book well enough but it lacked a little something to push it into territory of “really, really” like. That said, I also know I’m biased, as someone who typically is not a huge fan of YA, including the writing style, ways characters are written, and ways relationships develop, so most of this is down to personal taste rather than the evaluation of the book as good or bad. 

[olympicreads]

girls of paper and fire by Natasha Ngan rating:  ★★

empowerment /ɛmˈpaʊəm(ə)nt/ noun authority or power given to someone to do something. "individuals are given empowerment to create their own dwellings" the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights. "political steps for the empowerment of women"

Book & review trigger warnings for: rape, homophobic themes, abuse, graphic depictions of violence, grooming, and pedophilia. this review contains spoilers.

From the moment Lei is kidnapped from her home, every last one of her actions gets thwarted.

The promise of an empowering heroine dies after her first failed attempts to scape the demon general. Absolutely everything she tries to do, when hopelessness doesn't take over her, fails. She can't find out information about her mother (and she's found out when she tries). She scapes the king once, and she's severely punished for it.

The second time he calls for her, she's unable to do anything, and he rapes her so harshly she passes out immediately after leaving his rooms. Every last one of the Paper Girls, all of them unwilling or unable to consent, must endure the king's sexual abuse, including the LGBT girls that headline this (horror) show. The only one who's "willing" in her relationship with the Bull King is Aoki - the recently-turned 16 year old girl that fancies herself in love with him - and the one he more thoroughly convinces of his so-called love.

I am not one who tends to shy away from harsh topics, or someone easily rattled, but Girls of Paper and Fire managed to greatly freak me out with the way it depicts them so normally and with such impunity these crimes... and then markets the book to other teenage girls, other LGBT teenage girls, as if they didn't already have to worry about such topics, as if those that were or are victims of this kind of violence could not be triggered by having these events so grossly and openly discussed in this context: one in which the victims have no choice but to endure, one that never promises them safety or scape, one that tells them to be honored that they are there, where in some cases they were sold to this position by their parents, whether that is through conspiracies to end the king's reign or to gain his favour.

Maybe me and everyone else who's rated this book four or five feminist stars have different interpretations of the book or what constitutes as empowerment... but I don't think this is it. I don't think this is a story appropriate to sell to teenaged victims of sexual violence, and I don't think it'd open any healthy conversations about it, as Ngan hopes in her author note. I think, although I really hope I'm wrong about it, that all it could do for these victims is to make them relieve those moments of hopelessness while offering absolutely no relief, no satisfying showdown between the abuser and its victim, since every attempt at taking him down fails.

I am perfectly aware that stories like this seldom have a happy ending in real life. However, one that is sold with the promise of hope and restitution should leave the reader feeling any sort of hope, at the very least... and I don't get any of it. Lei, Zelle, Wren, Blue, Chenna... every last woman in this book has the strength of mind and willpower to know that what's happening to them is wrong and to want to scape it, but absolutely none of them can and every last one of their efforts is thwarted, even those that at first look successful.

While this is the thing that bothered me the most - the fake promise of empowerment and healthy LGBT representation-, it is not my only problem with the book. The beginning of Lei and Wren's romance feels like inorganic insta-love, as if it was something the author wanted to happen and so she shoved them together. It's only by the end that I can feel like they actually connect.

Blue is too much of a typical Regina George type of character, which doesn't go at all with the tone of the book. Zelle's death is too much of a cheap trick - the killing of sex workers (in this case, a victim of people trafficking) in fiction is already a tired, old as dirt trope. What is it doing in this "empowering" novel?

There are pieces of the plot that are picked and then dropped as is convenient. What happened with the importance of Lei's gold eyes, so beautiful General Yu traveled so far to get to her? What about her quest to find her mother? What's the Sickness, other than a Chekhov's gun? What was the point of that one demon almost-raping Lei at the beginning, other than more gratuitious violence against women?

Nevermind that Every. Last. Time. Lei compared Wren to a cat I felt like I was in a SJM novel, and I am not precisely a fan of those. The writing style at times felt choppy, and the world building was lacking. Besides the vague mentions of imperialism and the info-dumps we got about the original Bull King, we don't learn how it is that so many different elements of different Asian cultures, some of them thousands of miles apart, have come to mingle together.

All in all, for a book so thoroughly hyped as inclusive of LGBT people and for an own-voices novel about Asian women, it was extremely lacking.

“I don't want an easy life. I want a meaningful one.”