#na may pining

[imblocking-you]

The dynamic in "Every day I want to be Number 1" is sooo scrumptious

[mins-fins]

beyond the moon !

"you aren't about to lose such a worthy position to some hunky nepo baby".

synopsis: breaking news: the worst possible person you know is actually more than half decent in bed. of course, it's an easy slam dunk. you will begrudgingly admit that jaemin is pretty nice on the eyes—even if he has the personality of a barbed wire. it's a match made on this soul sucking earth. it's only a little perfect.

pairing: na jaemin x male!reader

genre: alternative universe, main hospital scenery, somewhat grey's anatomy fusion, interns the fic, strangers to rivals to rivals who hookup to friends who hookup to lovers, fluff, some angst, slightly suggestive tones, humor, crazy ass pining that's barely realized until 10k words in, some background relationships that provide other drama

warnings: swearing, explicit language, so many mentions of sex, almost tiptoes into borderline smut like five times, sexual humor, reader and jaemin are both equally emotionally underdeveloped and horny, drinking, the impending stress of the medical field, mentions of death, a bunch of medical jargon you probably don't care about, mentions of surgical procedures, some blood.. i think thats it

word count: 16.7k

notes: hello, merry christmas, happy one year anniversary to my hyuck work which started my whole nct saga on tumblr.. im afraid i am very mentally ill 😓 so!! surgeon jaemin!! originally surgeon jaemin was a serial killer but then i lost wave of that draft over the summer and i tried to do it again 😚 this was half based on early greys anatomy because why the fuck is that show so long and um my own life lowkey?? ofc im not sleeping with my fellow interns but i have seen too much of a hospital i have begun to see the white corridors in my fucking dreams.. save me please life has not treated isa mins-fins well 😭😭 and NO dont listen to user junjiie this is not a self insert i swear!! im still going to the hospital later today soooooooo i lost anyway 🤷‍♂️ lowercase intended as usual and last long work of the year 💖

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 1: do ethics matter when the dick is good? (hyperbole.. actually not)

frankly, it began on a mundane tuesday.

well as mundane as a tuesday for you could be, a week following getting dumped would typically be dedicated to mourning but guleum grace hospital is equally as busy each particular day. you did not underestimate the sheer amount of regular patrons at hospitals, your internship was all about that in fact, pouring your blood sweat and tears into some amateur surgery you had about a twenty five percent chance on performing correctly, however, any chance was any chance.

it isn’t as if you were some lunatic brisked with insanity who valued his work in an irregular fashion, you’d surmise that you were a regular workaholic, the epitome of an overworked medical student stereotype, it all sucked the soul out of you, though your scrubs remained spotless and the eye bags stuck in a much acquainted manner.

unfortunately, your heart attack inducing student debt won’t allow for you to simply quit, neither will your pride, your extent of competitiveness, and your bright need to prove your overbearing parents wrong.

getting into a deathly inviting internship program is enough, what’s shit is surviving, and surviving would be easy if not added on by such a nuisance.

what nuisance? you may ask, well the nuisance that so happens to b—

“present the case l/n”.

you somehow retain your sigh, if the distress is displayed through any means of visibility then doyoung merely doesn’t give a shit. “uh— samuel lawson, fifty two, has been in and out of hospitals four times in the last three months with complaints of sporadic, mild to moderate pain in his chest. we picked up on a heart murmur and his echo showed left ventricular hypertrophy with a repolarization abnormality”.

“what would you recommend?”

“the best course of action is to replace his aortic valve with a porcine valve and prescribe anticoagulants to improve the prognosis”.

“good, and why do we want to pay attention to his kidneys in this situation?”

“his kidneys?” you echo, former exhaustion manifesting in the unscathed widening of your eyes. there’s a whistle, lee donghyuck opting to feign forgetfulness to your very presence, as if he even knows the answer.

you aren’t as easily absentminded, you’ve been hard of thinking recently, read all those printed words yet none of them stuck to the confines of your brain. there’s then a sigh, you initially assume from doyoung, but of course it isn’t.

“ah dr na, how kind of you to join us, perhaps you could remind me of the answer?”

arms folded over his chest, jaemin doesn’t miss a beat. “since his heart isn’t functionally effective his kidneys work as a compensatory mechanism, we’ll need to take increased renin and aldosterone secretions into account when considering general anesthesia and how soon he can go into surgery”.

“i see somebody has been doing their homework” you graciously avoid his eyes, glowering in jaemin’s direction as he offers a meager eyebrow raise. “good job na, you’ll definitely be scrubbing in”.

you pray for his early death.

it’s a seamless lesson whilst interning, competition is everything; you love competition, you live for it even, and na jaemin just so happens to be the nuisance which troubles your every week.

it’s something to even survive your first year of interning, let alone in time for when the seven year residency rolls around. only the best become surgeons, a perfectly manufactured system that is definitely not flawed and has most likely not been the cause of many related mental breakdowns.

you’ve had some undisclosed issues out with na jaemin since the beginning of your program, his awareness manifests in his knowing glances, if swiping cases from under your feet and making your life as hellish as possible is equated to diverting entertainment, na jaemin is elated. at least he has the familial connections to ensure the acclaim, the regarded son of na kiwoo, one of the most well revered orthopedic surgeons in the country. now you aren’t petty enough to spew the claim that na jaemin is bad at his job, he isn’t, however, you are petty enough to state the fact that him getting extra time to redo the practical board exam would’ve never been granted to anybody not with the same fucking last name.

and you suppose somebody else could also reign as worthy competition, but you’re conceited, unabashed in the likeness of your own smarts, you didn’t brave the trenches of medical school to lose such a worthy position to some hunky nepo baby.

~

it’s about half past twelve when huang renjun stumbles into the on-call room.

“you drinking on the job?”

he glares, you smile, there’s something concerning his anger which gets a satisfying kick out of you. you were sat at a desk, overloading on coursework you’d give not even a mere glance toward once you got home, the placid diagrams of human arteries burned into your brain. you spent most of your day, resounding to most of your shift, hanging about downstairs in the E.R, handling skimpy stitches from those who couldn’t help but do something idiotic on a saturday morning. who knew? you’re aware dr. kim probably holds a much lowered opinion of you; however, you still preserve hope that he’ll allow you to scrub in on that upcoming LVAD replacement he has scheduled for later in the week.

“can you believe who got to scrub in on that corpus callosotomy?” his undertone indicated irritation, you did not have to take a glance backward, you could distinctly picture the snuggle frown tugging at his lips.

“can i buy a vowel?”

your response earns a hefty scoff, the ghost of a smile lingers as you take in his much visible exasperation. it appears he wants to look intimidating, but his docile like features do not sell such a point home. “kim wonil, can you believe it!?”

“oh really?” you click your tongue, the raise of an eyebrow paired with the raise of a nearby head, it’s lee jeno’s, you make out. “wow, maybe i should start sleeping with mark lee too”.

“well it’s not like anyone knows if they’re sleeping together— he’s basically just his protégé” what a gentleman lee jeno is, feigning unawareness at the whole thing.

“uh huh, me when i’m fucking the only attending neurosurgeon” you seethe. “seriously, you think he’s taking any under the table offers?”

“you’re an asshole”.

you simply blow renjun a kiss.

whilst renjun may be adamant on the whole civilized pursuit, you would say that sleeping with one of your bosses basically equates to getting favored treatment, you suppose your wavelength on that won’t ever change. “is that coursework?”

your eyebrows raise once renjun leans over your shoulder, you don’t make an effort to nod your head. “that’s coursework, what the fuck are you doing?”

“i’m not about to have a splitting headache at home, trying to keep my sanity intact, you know”.

“more like wither your sanity— oh, hey jaemin”.

“hi” jaemin allows renjun the decorum of a smile, because for some reason renjun is the only other intern he has the gall to treat in the manner of a regular human being. he settles in the bed across from you with a look and doesn’t even try a glance in your direction, muttering a small greeting to jeno.

“do you want ibuprofen? i have some in my locker” renjun mutters softly.

you wave a dismissive hand. “no, i’m seriously about to max out on painkillers right now”.

“maybe it’s a tumor” jaemin unexpectedly adds, he doesn’t look up from a book.

“you wish”.

“i do”.

“it could be a caffeine headache” jeno helpfully reckons from where he is across the room, leaning up on his elbows to give you a sympathetic look.

“or the stress” renjun decides. “or your just sleepy because of the stress, i’m getting tired because of the stress” he then makes his way over to the dormant bed and flops right onto it.

“tumor~”.

“why the fuck do you care?”

“i most certainly do not”.

“drop dead asshole”.

“guys..” jeno weakly begins, glancing between you two as if silently picking a side.

“sorry” you feel little remorse towards the tumor hopeful fuckface, simply for everybody else. “the exhaustion is making me mean”.

it appears that a nearby zhong chenle utters the insult of you’re always mean somewhere above you, and then the room grows claustrophobic for you in about five more seconds.

when your chair emits a high pitched screech, renjun’s head rises. “where are you going?”

“gonna find something to do”.

then you shuffle out of the on-call room, feigning ignorance at na jaemin’s continuous stare.

~

later that week, the one person you observe when you walk into the on-call room on wednesday for your mid-shift nap is na jaemin, the current bane of your existence. you’ve been bumping shoulders in the O.R for the past week, and you’re beginning to think that the world is attempting to kill you early, those mystifying forces rambled about in storybooks manifesting whenever his name happens to appear in your mind.

you pause once you step in, meeting his eyes for a charged second before clenching your teeth, they’ll probably begin bleeding soon. you starkly consider backing out, but you can’t surrender your pride to this guy, that would be letting him win, so you sigh and lean your back against the door.

“i’m just here to sleep,” you voice. “waving my white flag”.

“you should be thanking me”.

you’re baffled. “excuse me?”

“i’ve saved your ass like twice this week, god kim would’ve literally eaten you alive if i weren’t around”.

your mouth dries up, jaemin seemingly revels in such a factor, swinging his legs sideways and out of the bed. “you’re terrible under pressure it’s a wonder you even made it through medical school”.

your left eye twitches, the one singular time you try to be civil, he just— he just decides to..?

“you’re so infuriating and arrogant and selfish—“

“oh really? love it when you talk down on me..”

“and you’re so— annoying god why does everyone like you? i hate you, hate you and your stupid privilege and i couldn’t care less what you think because you’re a fucking suck up! stop backing me up if it makes you so mad”.

jaemin then blinks, slow. “finished now?”

“yes” you drop your arms at the side, breathing having gone shallow as pure fury swirled in your ribs. you hate what jaemin does to you, whatever the fuck this is and why is the rooms temperature skyrocketing? that should be impossible in a hospital of all places, but you shouldn’t give it much thought because jaemin will probably begin over analyzing the singular movements of your facial expressions.

you hate feeling like you’re losing, you feel like your losing even if there’s no prevalent competition, it’s just.. jaemin.

that’s really why.

“good” jaemin replies. “i hope you don’t mind”.

and when he pushes you up against the door you think exactly three specific things in the second it takes for him to do that. 1; jesus this guy goes to the gym how the fuck are his forearms so huge? how is he finding time to hit the gym with such a consistent shift? 2; you should’ve gotten more words in cause oh he got the last laugh, and 3; you suddenly remember you never followed up on that post-op for patient 3109– but then all of those thoughts fly out the window when jaemin leads forward to kiss you.

na jaemin is kissing you, full on lips, hands-on-your-waist kissing you, and all you can do is suck in a breath as you then release a soft sound.

jaemin is ridiculously good at this, all soft despite his rough edges, how funny. he pulled off, taking your bottom lip with him before diving back in.

“i meant everything i said” you pant, even as jaemin pressed you further into the door and your arms wrapped around his shoulders in an effort to continue. you exchanged in a similar manner, frenzied and practically leaning half of him backward with your sheer force.

“i know” he grunts, so effortless in all he does, thumb finding the gap in your uniform which he very much decided to exploit. “but you want me anyway..”

“fuck you”.

so smart y/n, you’re getting into heaven with that one—

he chuckles as he mouths against your neck, light open mouthed kisses along your jaw, tugging at your shirt which acted as an obstacle. “that’s the goal”.

“smart ass”.

“well..”

it was the first and only time.

it actually should’ve been the first and only time, but then again, your decision making is particularly fuzzy.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 2: he’s a hotshot, so unfortunately a hotshot..

you’d been skilled enough to pick out your friends at guleum grace hospital on your first day. frankly you had met a good chunk at the intern mixer the hospital had held a week before you were all due to start, but you were the slightest bit nervous with the whole before day apprehension. lee jeno was an easy one, his timidly boyish attitude made for good company, smile replicated by his eyes as he hung around the refreshments table. he laughed at every single one of your jokes, he was sympathetic to your family predicament, much too familiar with such a thing.

lee donghyuck was similarly not a struggle, he seemingly mirrored many of the traits you found stuck to you and carried around throughout your turbulent adulthood. he clung to your side and assigned you the duty as his titular “person”, whatever that meant.

then there was huang renjun.

it isn’t as if he was unapproachable, per say, he was simply perpetual to consistent avoidance. he exchanged regular smiles yet didn’t divulge any further, somewhat unfriendly and argumentative, especially when donghyuck got on his nerves.

trivially, the only true reason you two became friends is because you assisted him in vomiting up his guts after he’d got a lashing for a mistake in the earlier days. your hand remained on the small of his back for the entire fifteen minutes, and when he finished unleashing his true extent of vulnerability upon you, he threatened you to keep your mouth shut, that threat just so happens to be the bow which ties the knot to your relationship.

renjun is able to refer to the patients as the human beings they are, sensitive and overly stubborn sure, but he’s decent under all the sour looks paired with plentiful insults.

zhong chenle? in a completely different league.

“fifty bucks y/n’s little conquest works at this hospital” he opts to enter, sliding into the spot beside you and exchanging a few looks as if he dumped his life savings onto the table for you to gorge on.

“fifty bucks my wha— how’d you even..?”

“aeri likes to gossip” chenle replies, full of cheek. “and a little birdie told me they saw you leaving the on-call room all flustered”.

“a little— who?”

“i can’t tell you my sources”.

“what if i just had a really good nap?”

“thirty bucks it’s an intern” renjun decides to add on, and you blink his way in sheer betrayal. yes they’re right but you didn’t divulge your weeks ago on-call room hookup story time to anybody, you just.. thought about it.

“that’s what yizhuo was saying! you know we have a bet right?” he digs through his pocket before pulling out an unscathed piece of paper. “let’s see we have dr suh from plastics, yeonjun, dejun, and our very own nepo baby na jaemin, pretty good don’t you think?”

“why is jaemin on the list? take jaemin off the list,” though you swipe for the paper, chenle’s got some fast ass hands.

“no no hear me out, okay? he has my vote because the tension is undeniable but i’m on your side and i don’t think you’ll give into his whims”.

“what whims?”

“his seduction tactic including starting petty fights?” renjun recalls, blinking in your direction as if attempting some newly discovered form of communication. “he probably gets off on that..”

“oh he does!”

and then they begin, you simply sigh as you make the effort to finish your lunch, acquainted with the leftovers you again had to heat up because there was little time for you to actually cook something new.

“jaemin’s a freak, wonil said—“

“we can’t trust anything he says, he’s literally fucking dr. dudebro” you steal a fry off chenle’s plate, humming along with your bite.

“i thought they broke it off?” renjun asks in denial, though his gleaming ‘i knew it’ look would completely beg to differ.

“oh come on! everybody knows they’re still fucking, no mystery, no thrill”.

renjun crinkles his nose at the display of crudeness, you don’t forget to recall the thirty bucks he entered into this godforsaken betting pool. “can i kill him?”

your hands raise in mock surrender. “not in front of me, we swore an oath of peace” you rise from your place and keep your plate in your bag. “besides there’s no mystery, no thrill”.

“don’t leave me with him!” renjun squeaks. “where are you going!?”

you do not let up the walking, however, you allow him at least one reassuring smile.

“to see a guy about a thing!”

~

in a rare act of perfect timing, you’re just able to sprint to the elevator as soon as it’s closing. by the power of the universe’s most evil, jaemin is the only one inside, and he blankly stares as you hold your folders out to hold the door before ducking in. you hit the button for the sixth floor and begin panting as you lean against the wall.

jaemin barely spares a glance, but his smile says everything. “back for more already?”

“did you tell anyone about us?”

he opts to chuckle at that one. “us? we sleep together once and you’re already thinking there’s an us baby?”

“shut the fuck up, na, like half our class is in a betting pool for when i’m going to let you into my pants so i swear to god if you told anybody i’m going to ship you to the O.R and harvest all of your fucking organs”.

the threat shines brightly above him, smile shimmering. “i’m sure you’d love to do that”.

his smile is endless and the point by which his stare begins is simply dark, it’s that stupid dead-eyed stare that could murder anyone just by one mere glance. if looks could kill, your insides would’ve been splattered all over this elevator currently.

finally, jaemin rolls his eyes.

“christ, relax, no i didn’t, i definitely don’t know anything about a bet either”.

you let out a much needed breath and again allow yourself to lean against the wall of the elevator. the only worse thing than people thinking your friends with jaemin is people thinking you’re actively sleeping with jaemin. well— okay you suppose there are worse things to be known for but being pegged as the intern banging na jaemin is definitely up there.

“i meant what i said by the way, that was a one time thing”.

“of course”.

“stop fucking smiling like that”.

it appears to be his innate need to ensure your irritation, his smile barely resists the clear urge to grow at the sight of your frown. “god, thought you liked my smile?”

“it’s never happening again” you insist. “no more sex, not with you anyway”.

“great” jaemin replies. he finally does turn to face you. “so when you say never again are you actually making a definite final decision or are you simply playing hard to get?”

“what do you think?” you retort, you’re two floors away from your destination, the lab reports you’re clutching much vicely resulting in sweaty palms.

jaemin licks his lips, all high and mighty. “i’m sure you don’t want to know what i’m thinking”.

you look up to meet his stare in a singular effort to glare equally as hard, it’s futile. jaemin’s got the eyes of a predator, as if he’ll pounce if you attempt a single move out of this elevator, it’s striking, his eyes trail all the way up from your terribly expensive shoes and up your body, stopping at your mouth.

he seems pleased with himself, tipping his head forward when the elevator dings at your floor.

you allow a squint, briskly leaving him behind. it’s only three steps out of the elevator that you realize you left him without an answer, therefore leaving him with the last word, but you conclude you’ve walked too far to shout, yet it seems jaemin has no qualms.

“you know where to find me!” he calls.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 3: good sex is addicting! healthy? eh..

naturally it happens again..

and again,

and once again.

if you were in a better place of mind, perhaps if you didn’t contain loads of work on your shoulder and slumped with courses of continuous caffeine, you’d find the right mind to chide yourself for making such a stupid decision, but you’re simply a selfish and desperate man. this is like— the best sex you’ve had since undergrad, not that there were many good examples to be the judge of that one anyway (with little offense given to shotaro, he’s a sweetheart but you two barely ever got it on as it is).

the thing is, you’re beginning to have a little fun with it. sure, you’d felt as if you were betraying yourself after the second or third time but it’s now become its own little adventure. sneaking around and whispering in the hallways in tandem with disappearing into random storage closests is fun.

jaemin is merely jaemin when it’s all over, barbed wire esqe jaemin with a personality you’d liken to some miserable children’s movie villain.

but it works, it isn’t as if you’re doing this because jaemin has a to die for personality, you’re doing it because you’re stressed, despite the fact that he is probably the main contributor of such stress, he at least helps you relieve that stress.

“somethings up with you,” jeno makes apparent when he walks past the couch, casual, conversational.

droning on the television is some nature documentary you don’t recall turning on, acting as background noise as you observe the surgery dr. kim assigned you. you technically aren’t allowed to bring your work home but you’ve also always enjoyed poking holes into rules, you bring your teeth down on a goldfish cracker that you’ve had between your fingers for about five minutes.

“what?” you finally reply.

“you seem different” jeno rewords graciously. “brighter, less.. porcupine-y”.

“i can be mean if you want,” you decide. “you want that puppy?”

jeno turns red, continuous head shaking as he clears his throat. “i just meant— i don’t know, you seem a little less miserable than before, not all grouchy, i’m happy for you”.

“pfft— thanks, always knew you loved me nono”.

his chagrin at such a nickname manifests in his much particular nose scrunch, his arms folding over his chest stubbornly. “don’t call me that.. so anyway, what changed?”

“hm?”

he leans over the couch, staring you down suspiciously, unnaturally nosy. “you can’t just decide to not be miserable overnight, what happened?”

you tilt your head up at him. “i’m getting to scrub in on proper surgeries, and i’m getting laid!”

jeno appears surprised, though gladdened anyway. “oh really? so who’s the guy then?”

you squint at him. “chenle put you up to this?”

“what?” he seems taken aback, but equally completely caught. “no?”

you open your mouth to rebut that clear lie, yet you’re both interrupted by lee donghyuck barreling into the room, looking too good for a regular saturday night, fancy overcoat draped over his arm that he definitely stole from renjun.

“stop looking at me and help me put this on” he motions towards his empty wrist and a fancy looking bracelet.

jeno simply whistles lowly.

“where are you going dressed up like this?” you inquire in the manner of a scrutinizing parent. “you got a date?” you don’t miss his avoidance of eye contact once you actually fasten the thing around his wrist.

“..yes”,

jeno applauds happily, much too excited, as if he were the one going on a date.

“give us a spin” you chide.

“seriously?”

both you and jeno nod in unison.

donghyuck begrudgingly obliges.

“you look good” jeno states.

“very good” you ruffle his hair irritatingly, and he hisses as he bats your hand away, muttering his small thanks. “have fun!”

you make sure to blow him a kiss on his way out, donghyuck makes sure to slam the door on his way out.

jeno then turns to you. “can i guess your guy’s name?”

“no!”

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 4: secrets out eventually!!

you suppose you had to eventually tell your friends at some point, of course that would include admitting zhong chenle is right and that sucks the life out of you for a much identifiable reason. the other three are bound to find out about jaemin soon enough, because whilst you’ve never been a talker, it’s getting annoying to do the constant walk of shame to jaemin’s apartment.

“i’m really trying to understand what your problem with me is” jaemin grins, all teeth, perfectly straight purely white fucking teeth. you’re back in the closet again, you can’t help but surmise that there’s a joke in there somewhere.

“i thought you didn’t care?”

“i don’t, it’s simply so cute how you get angry, kinda turns me on”.

you decide to ignore that one, wiping your mouth over with the back of your hand. you then focus on getting your shirt back to its original, somewhat normal looking form, god you’re so reckless.

“i’m just saying.. if you put effort into actually getting to know me we’d actually be pretty good— fuck ow!” he winces in the manner of a kicked puppy, all because you twisted a piece of skin between your fingers.

“i’m not interested in getting to know you, thought i made that clear” you voice.

“only thing you’ve made clear is that you believe it’s your god given right to hate me since no one else does”.

“oh you make me feel so special, i’m sure there’s someone else in this world who hates you as much as i do”.

“sure y/n” jaemin begins, “i find it hard to believe you actually do hate me” he nips at your ear, you really shouldn’t let jaemin kiss your neck, but you don’t push him off, he’d throw a hissy fit.

just as his hand begins venturing downward the closest door creaks open, and you two jump apart as if you’ve been caught, standing in the doorway is none other than lee donghyuck.

“what the fuck?” he whispers, quickly closing the door behind him. when he steps into the dingy white light, you notice the wet tears against his eyelashes, everything else is erased from your mind.

“hey” you begin, voice soft. “what’s wrong? did something happen?” you smooth over your scrubs.

“nothing” his voice gives it away. “we can’t cry mid shift anymore?”

no, but donghyuck hasn’t cried over a patient in a while, that’s typically your prerogative.

“it’s wonil” he sniffs. “stupid fucking kim wonil,” he sits down on an upturned bucket, once you kneel beside him, he pulls you into a hug to bury his tear streaked face against your neck. “i’m gonna have to change my name and transfer to gwangju instead!”

you look over donghyuck’s trembling shoulder at jaemin, who appears just as clueless as you are. he instead opts to patting the small of his back in support, rubbing soothing strokes. “could i have some elaboration, babe?”

“he used me” he says, holding onto his sobs. “took me on a stupid fucking fancy date and then i caught him with mark lee— oh my god, he.. he lied to me, he said they broke it off months ago but that obviously wasn’t true and he kept scrubbing in on the important surgeries, i thought he— we were going out for months and i just, fuck i feel awful y/n”.

well that’s.. not what you expected to hear at all. your head spins.

“wait— wonil? that’s who?”

“can we not talk about that part right now?” he simply allows for the tears to free fall, you attempt to wipe them as best you can.

sure, it’s nothing.

“did he tell you? how’d you even find this out?”

“no he didn’t i saw them” he covers his face with his own hands, distraught. “and he didn’t even care..”

“then none of it is your fault” you assure, patting the side of his arms. “he’s an asshole”.

it doesn’t quell donghyuck enough, his shoulders continuously quivering. “i had a bad feeling, i really should’ve known better—“

“he’s a cheat, he should know better, don’t beat yourself up over this”.

“i fucking loved him y/n” he rests his head onto your shoulder, something twisted and horrible lodged in his throat, tears endless.

~

it’s raining because of course it’s raining.

“it’s storming pretty bad” jaemin quips, conversationally. “do you not want me to call you a ride?”

you simply allow a small breath to escape your lips, hair tousled as you slip your jacket on through your arms. “nah, the bus works just fine” you say, wiping your hands on your pants despite your much irritation.

“and i’m guessing you don’t want to wait until it’s let up either?”

“i have to get home cause jeno’s working late and— hyuck’s alone, don’t want him to be..” you mutter, glancing down at your watch as you crinkle your nose at the time. “he’s been baking since the whole wonil thing happened, need to make sure he doesn’t burn down the apartment”.

jaemin doesn’t have to put anymore work into convincing you. “alright, have fun”.

you do the typical before leaving checkup, you have your keys, your phone, cash, and a bus pass, good. it’s silent, awkward, not much of a regular conversation when he isn’t bending you over a table.

but there’s something you really need to know.

“hey jaemin?”

“hm?” he doesn’t look up from his phone.

“should we talk about.. this?”

“well talking about it makes it weird”.

you consider your next words very carefully. “i’m lonely, you know”.

jaemin then puts his phone down. “i’m lost”.

you’re unaware of why exactly you feel the need to divulge context about whatever your relationship happens to be, you keep thinking back to donghyuck and you remember the liabilities caused by workplace relationships. you’re afraid you can’t stomach another complicated relationship, situations that wrap around your head in a nauseating fashion. not that jaemin is boyfriend material or anything but—

“the first time we hooked up? in the on-call room? i did it because i just got off a bad breakup and i was stressed and.. you were my first option”.

jaemin remains frozen in his place, gaze pointed, chest perfectly accentuated in his shir— stop looking there y/n. “what i’m trying to say is that i was desperate and it’s important you know that because—“

“get to the point”.

“i don’t want this to.. you know, be more than what it is, like.. domestic and shit”.

“oh jesus, okay y/n” he pinches the bridge of his nose, as if you irritated him. “you’re asking me not to fall in love with you right? you could’ve just said that then”.

“it sounds stupid”.

“and your other option sounded better?”

“whatever, i’m going, good talk”.

“great talk”.

“stop trying to get the last word in”.

“i’m not trying to do anything”.

“goodnight”.

“don’t say things you don’t mean”.

“fine, i hope you have a terrible one, i hope your roof catches on fire and you sleep through it and it all comes crashing onto you so your death is all slow and painful, happy?”

jaemin smiles, waving you off with each of his fingers as you storm out of the door, into the pouring rain, slamming it shut behind you.

you take a short walk and an even shorter bus ride home, yet when you enter your apartment you’re absolutely drenched.

the whole house smells of sugar and semi-baked sweets, it almost reminds you of home, back when you’d fuck shit up with your sisters in the kitchen. the now added on pain is the continuous ringing of the fire alarm, donghyuck standing at the counter fanning smoke with an empty box of brownie mix.

you sigh as you kick off your shoes.

“what the hell did you do?”

“i have it under control” donghyuck whines.

“hyuck—“

“don’t step any closer” he threatens, butter knife in hand.

your hands raise in mock surrender, a flat look sent his way. “you’re being ridiculous”.

“sorry” he puts the knife down, breathing labored. “help me?”

you two sit down on the kitchen floor and have brownies and ice cream for dinner, an ironic feat for a pair of medical professionals, but this is simply one of those things licensed under free will you have as an adult, the kind of thing that makes you think maybe parental supervision is a good need. besides, sugar is good for heartbreak.

“i don’t wanna go to work tomorrow” donghyuck mutters, beginning to consistently tap his head onto the counter, as if attempting to bash his brains out. “this is so stupid”.

“it’ll be fine, i’m sure no one will question you up front”.

he glances upward. “my former sort of boyfriend is fucking the most popular attending neurosurgeon, and people think i was homewrecking whatever the hell they have going, you think people just forget that?”

you lick your spoon clean. “yeah it’s not looking good,” you admit, scratching the back of your head. “but i’m here to help you through it, and samoyed will be there to bark at anyone who looks at you funny”.

donghyuck gives a weak laugh and leans his head onto your shoulder. “yeah yeah, whatever..”

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 5: fuck the domestics, fuck na jaemin.

of course because the universe has a really good sense of humor, mark lee and kim wonil are the first people you and donghyuck see when the elevator dings on the first floor. wonil looks at a loss for words, you’d pride him on such amusement if you weren’t looking to cause him bodily harm.

“uh” mark starts.

“we’re taking the stairs” and since you’re a good friend you do not complain when donghyuck drags you up four flights of stairs.

in his valiant efforts to stay away from neuro, donghyuck gets assigned to obstetrics for the day, whilst you end up back with dr. kim in cardio, which is always a simultaneous blessing and curse. the patient you’re seeing—kiara— has been going back and forth on getting the surgery for a while, and doyoung seemed more than relieved when you showed up with those signed consent forms.

you worked your ass off to get onto this case. you stayed up late all night reading into the procedure, designing a diagram which detailed the surgical process despite the fact that you wouldn’t be carrying it out yourself. observing a complex surgery like this is a rarity for interns, so you intend to soak up every bit of knowledge you can.

so, by design, you’re also standing beside the operating table when her pulse dips, her clutched hand falling dormant in your hold. after the frenzy of orders getting called out and defibrillators charging, there’s nothing but the long, insistent beep of a flatline.

dr. kim calls out the time of death.

realistically, nothing could have been done. she’d waited too long to take the surgery, her vascular walls were weak. it was the best surgeons in the room, and if they couldn’t save her then maybe it was just her time.

you break down in the tunnel despite all of that, you’re sitting on one of the beds against the wall, aware of your own ridiculousness, yet allowing for the tears to brim up anyway.

the only reason kiara was terrified of getting that surgery was because she was afraid of dying on that table, she was scared of dying, and you’d held her hand while they put her under, promising she’d be okay.

that was the mistake.

patient outcomes are never promised, and as much as they remind you, as much as you’re aware that this is in your line of work, death just so happens to spring up on you instantaneously, you can never really fully prepare for it.

“she was going to die anyway” you don’t have to glance up to meet the face behind the voice, simply acquainted with the sight of jaemin’s shoes.

“i know”.

“so why are you sitting here feeling sorry for yourself?”

you sigh, massaging a finger to your temple, your head hurts, it all hurts. “go away” another sob pushes itself up out of your chest, another sniffle, more snot.

but would na jaemin ever genuinely listen to an order? absolutely not. he did not go away, he stepped closer, a hand gracing your shoulder.

your own shoulders slump, you’re completely and utterly disappointed in yourself.

“i don’t need you to say anything,” he breathes. “i’m just telling you that it’s okay..”

“it’s not okay” you seethe. “would you have made the same mistake? would you be in my position if it was you?”

you take everything too personal, you need to start thinking like a surgeon, there’s no room for sensitivity in a field like this, dr. kim had said. he made you break the news to her family, have to watch the washed over expressions and the chorus of sobbing as you attempted to contain your own.

“well i wouldn’t have gotten attached..”

and it sounds so condescending, lowly, superiority reigned over your head. you’ve had a terrible day, and all you can do is sob in your own pity as jaemin just stands there.

it’s so easy to get swallowed up in your pride, tout your pigheadedness in front of jaemin on a regular front with spouted curses and illusions high. you suppose jaemin doesn’t have the best standards for you, you didn’t even do anything, but the fashion of your personality you’d displayed was enough of a case.

“y/n” jaemin calls, soft, you almost don’t hear him. the mattress dips with his added pressure, a hand coming to touch the side of your face, fingertips cold as they tuck strands of your hair behind your ear. jaemin’s hands are always cold. “y/n, hey”.

you don’t respond, can’t do anything but let jaemin pull you against his chest. it’s an odd feeling because it’s the thing you needed from the last person you expected to give it to you. you exhale shakily, closing your eyes and reveling in the prospect of being held.

“you suck at this” you sob, on principle of course.

“hush” jaemin murmurs. he rests his chin atop your head, and he says nothing more, doesn’t even pull away either. you cry until you have no more left to give, your shift isn’t quite over yet, you have charts to finish and labs to read over. you push at jaemin to let you go.

“m’fine” you sniffle, posture straightening as you wiped the tears from your cheeks. you feel reckless, embarrassed, like a child. your face is burning hot, but at least you feel better. jaemin is staring, as if he’s experiencing a certain thing for the first time.

you look away.

“i’m fine” you repeat. “don’t look at me like that”.

jaemin clears his throat as if snapping out of an episode. “i know you don’t care for my opinion, but i think you’re doing great”.

“you what..?”

jaemin nods, doesn’t elaborate on any of it, it’s awkward.

your pager beeps, and once you glance down at the location, you silently curse at the location being half across the hospital.

“right, um thank you, i guess i’ll.. uh, see you later?”

“you know where to find me”.

jeno seeks you out first once your shift is over, apprehensive as always.

“you okay? i heard what happened..”

“yeah m’fine” you pause before the doors to allow jeno to catch you, donghyuck and renjun won’t be done for another hour, and it’s once again pouring outside. “i just need to shower and sleep for fifty hours”.

jeno is already looking at you when you glance over. you’ve heard your fair share of stories concerning surgical failures, much too close to one when in your childhood, but experiencing one firsthand just really took it all out of you.

“i’m going to get better at this surgeon thing right? i have to?” you ask.

“you will” jeno replies, silent. he links your fingers together, a warm feeling. he then nudges you, the slightest bit of comfort in the affection laced gesture. “we both will”.

~

there’s a small switch flip after that.

jaemin remains jaemin. perfectly polished jaemin, hardened in the face of death, all precise and unphased, yet you lay your heart bare for it all, fortitude at the forefront of your emotions.

occasionally, you find yourself looking over at jaemin when he’s too engrossed in his work or conversation to notice.

when you observe him, you attempt to figure out where the fortitude of his beating organ lies. it appears jaemin acts in kindness when he thinks no one else is looking. you wonder if that’s a true display or if that’s simply another mask he wears around for the hell of it, getting into the sweet spots of littler kids is a spectacular move. then again, it takes a special kind of evil to be mean to kids. sure, jaemin’s a bit of an asshole, but he isn’t all bloods evil.

that isn’t such a hard concept to grasp.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 6: running out of terrifically timed titles

the tumultuous disarray of your life provides solace, somewhat regular sex escapades with jaemin continue and donghyuck is often too tipsy once you get home from your shifts later in the week. you surmise he’s simply coping with his situation in manners he’s accustomed to, though both you and jeno would love to chide him for the unhealthiness, you two also can’t talk, ever since you found that unlimited espresso machine in the second floor cafeteria, it’s basically become your life source. jeno will scold you for that one when he eventually finds out, though it’s good to know jungwoo doesn’t mind, simply passing you with mild apprehension whenever you go grab another cup.

you guess you can’t talk about anything, but you also can’t help worrying about your friend.

“l/n, did you follow up on those scans i asked for?” dr. kim unabashedly ambushes you whilst you’re in the middle of a good speed powered walk, files almost tumbling out of your bundled arms.

“uh— yes, they redid them so they aren’t blurry, and i also put in that psych eval you requested, i have all of them here”.

“nice work, will you be available to scrub in tomorrow morning?”

you blink at him, baffled. “i— oh my god yes, thank you um..” you honestly didn’t expect that one after the prior incident with kiara. you assumed for sure doyoung would stand between you and the O.R for a couple of months.

“is there a reason you’re still standing in front of me?”

you blush, embarrassed. “i’m sorry i just.. i know you don’t think i’m cut out for this so I’m unsure of why you chose me”.

for a slim moment, there’s genuine in doyoung’s eyes. “well i’ll have you know opinions can change, will you move out of my way now”.

you pause. “of course, sorry, thank you, i appreciate it”.

“you’d better” he beams, placing yet another stack in your arms. “could you drop these off at the nurses station for me?”

you make your way back downstairs, still reeling from the previous words said to your face, when you hear a familiar voice.

“is dr l/n here? well, no— he’s an intern”.

you look up from the nurses station immediately, catching a glimpse of osaki shotaro’s identifiable tuft of hair, golden blonde, still dyed. he hasn’t changed since you last saw him, well you suppose a few months really don’t provide anything substantial in the area of change.

“taro?”

when he glances up, he breaks into one of his bright smiles and he parts (hyperbole) the hallway to get to you. “y/n, hey, hi”.

“what— what are you doing here? is everything okay? is your mom oka—“

“i’m fine, everyone’s fine it’s just.. i mean— i don’t know actually i was just nearby and i wanted to see you? i know i’m the one who broke up with you and all but i was sure there was a high chance you’d be here instead of.. well anywhere else”.

“yeah” you laugh. “yeah that is true”.

“it’s nice to see you” he fiddles with his bracelet, reaching over to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, a natural habit, you grab onto his wrist before his fingers can grace your skin. shotaro pauses for a moment, cheeks colored pink in embarrassment as he slips from your hold.

“sorry— i um.. can we just talk actually?”

your face warms rather quickly. “uh..”

“oh hello” jaemin appears—literally out of nowhere—“are you here for a patient?”

“no actually he was just leaving—“

“i’m shotaro” he tilts his head to read jaemin’s id card. “you’re.. dr na?” he extends his hand for a handshake, jaemin ignores it. you almost want to tell him off for such a thing.

“yes, you must be the boyfriend”.

“ex boyfriend” you both say.

jaemin inhales a bated breath, handing you a stack of files. “jungwoo said to give these to you, the chief needs all the records manually inputted before you get off your shift today”.

“but—“

“we’re all splitting work, that’s your stack and this is mine”.

“i’m supposed to be having lunch” you frown.

jaemin shrugs, nothing of helpful. “do them after, i don’t care, i’m just the messenger”.

“it was nice meeting you”.

“sure” jaemin flashes a noncommittal smile, then, as quick as he came, he’s gone.

“is he always like that?” shotaro inquires, you sigh, much loudly.

“yeah, kind of, at first glance..”

“so lunch! can i treat you?”

you chuckle. “well i can’t leave so i hope you don’t mind hospital food”.

it’s (surprisingly) a very enjoyable experience for you.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 7: coupling 1000

on tuesday, lee jeno walks into the locker room looking slightly askew, yet completely elated, brightened in some unusual fashion.

you let out a low whistle. “now what the fuck has you so happy?”

“nothing”.

“is it a guy?”

“no!” jeno refutes, the bright red hue paired with the shrill squeaked ‘no’ do naught for his argument. “it’s not that”.

“you have that after guy glow”.

“you’re insane”.

“he’s right though” jaemin wraps an inviting arm around his shoulder, jeno full on pouts. “you look awfully stunning this morning, jeno”.

“fuck?”

“you’re okay”.

“damn, why’s it feel like every intern in this hospital is getting some but me?” donghyuck grouches, you instantly share a look with renjun.

at the inevitable silence, donghyuck groans again. “don’t answer that”.

“yeah cause you’d only be told the obvio—“

“good morning~” kim jungwoo sings, much too delighted for the time of day. “glad to see all of you interns actually in on time, l/n and na you’ll be helping mark prep his patient, zhong and lee one you’ll be in the pit, and.. huang and lee two on charts, any complaints? wonderful! get going!”

mark lee has the discontented mannerisms of a teenage boy, awkward stutters and all, you often neglect to recall that he’s a revered surgeon prided for performing some of the best brain operations in the country, technically your boss.

you haven’t spent much time around him, you actively avoid kim wonil for the sake of donghyuck’s (and your own) sanity, looking into the eyes of mark lee, he appears bashful, shyly boyish in a manner akin to a formerly stranger lee jeno.

“guess he’s still avoidant”.

you snort, jaemin sucks his teeth, you then sigh with your tongue prodding at the side of your cheek. “well he can’t look at you without thinking about..”

now that you think about it, you’ve never really had a conversation with kim wonil, what’s even with the guy?

“oh” his face drops in that distinct kicked puppy fashion, you merely sigh.

“just give him space, okay? he’ll surely come around”.

“space.. really?”

“space is good” jaemin chimes in. “and either way he’s not your intern, we are, can we go now?”

he’s always been ever so impatient.

~

yang jungwon is a twenty year old college student with a tumor pressing down on his frontal temporal lobe. “it’s affecting his impulse control,” mark warns. “so if he says something a bit forward, that’s why”.

“forward?” you question.

when mark, you and jaemin walk into jungwon’s room, his mother is sitting beside his bed, smoothing over his sheets with her hands. mark bids them good morning and introduces you two as the interns which will be overseeing the surgery, the first thing jungwon says is:

“jesus you all are hot, is that requirement here? why are you all so hot? are there more of you?”

“jungwon” his mother softly chides.

forward, you hum, jaemin only makes an agreeing noise beside you.

“sorry, was that rude? i’m very sorry”.

“he’s usually shy” his mother explains. “he doesn’t mean to be offensive”.

“no offense taken ma’am, that’s probably the nicest thing a patient has said to us in a while” mark replies. “how are you feeling won?”

“my mom’s nervous so now i’m nervous and the food here sucks by the way, i don’t really wanna have brain surgery but i have to be optimistic so yay!”

“that’s the spirit!” mark cheers. “okay, dr. l/n here is gonna run a couple of tests to make sure everything is okay, dr. na will handle all the paperwork, if you still want to proceed i can have you scheduled for O.R two bright and early tomorrow morning, i’ll make sure everything goes smoothly for you okay?”

“can i get snacks from the vending machine to make it go smoother?”

“i’ll do it” his mother offers. “don’t give dr. l/n a hard time, okay?”

mark leaves with jaemin and mrs. yang to grab snacks and necessary consent forms, you begin putting on your gloves to give jungwon a routine examination.

“dr. l/n can i ask you a question?” jungwon asks.

you remove the stethoscope from your ears, giving him a small smile. “go ahead, i’m all ears”.

“well it’s more of a personal question” he twiddles his thumbs, smile stretched widely as he tilts his head towards you. “are you two like.. together?”

“me and who?”

“the other, other hot doctor with all the teeth, the one who was in here just now”.

“me and.. na?”

“yeah, is he your boyfriend? he was looking like he wanted to eat you, i was honestly getting worried by how intense he was staring”.

that shocks a fit of laughter out of you. “no no, he wasn’t—he’s.. he’s not my boyfriend”.

“oh okay, well if nobody’s told you yet then i’m a hundred percent sure he wants to jump your bones, and also be your boyfriend”.

you clear your throat, flustered by jungwon’s sense of earnesty. “we’re not together, just coworkers”.

“do you have a boyfriend?”

you sigh and lean forward, pressing two fingers on either side of his neck to feel for a carotid pulse. “you’ve said the word boyfriend an awful lot in these past few minutes,” you pause. “no i don’t”.

“okay” jungwon says. “this is going to sound a bit presumptuous, but if i survive the surgery, will you go out with me?”

you skillfully sidestep such a question. “that’s not presumptuous, dr. lee is one of the best brain surgeons in the country, he’s going to make sure you come out just fine, your most likely outcome is positive”.

jungwon stops, blinking up at you, galaxies in his pupils. “i think we might be soulmates”.

“yang jungwon”.

“that’s me”.

“you’re cute, and sweet, and funny— but i absolutely cannot go out with you”.

“is it the brain damage thing? i’ve been told that’s a dealbreaker”.

“don’t be cheeky, how old are you again? twenty?”

“twenty going on twenty five”.

you laugh. “you have your whole life ahead of you to find a soulmate, people don’t really have a good time dating me, you’ll be dodging a bullet”.

“what, why not?”

“won—can i call you won?”

“you can call me anything you want..”

“won” you stress, “i spend about eighty hours a week in this hospital, i barely have time to eat or sleep or even think about anything that doesn’t include cutting someone open, my last boyfriend dumped me for that reason, i couldn’t do that again, and i definitely don’t think you want to”.

“ah i see” jungwon says, he’s silent for a while before he asks: “you’re saying it would make sense for you to date someone who works as much as you do, like another doctor, right?”

“well that wasn’t the point but i guess that makes sense then”.

jungwon smiles as if he’s figured out something. “so do you like dr. na then?”

“dr. na is standing right there” jaemin chimes in. you two both turn to see him standing in the doorway, “i have consent forms, i already went over the procedure with your mom, i’m aware mark probably covered it with you, but if it would make you more comfortable i could go over it with you myself”.

both you and jungwon stare at him.

“what?”

“is he always like this?”

you smile in his direction, giggling as you ruffle his hair. “yeah”.

“didn’t peg you as the type to flirt with patients” jaemin utters later in the nurse station whilst you two idle around in feigned ignorance as if you don’t have mountains of work weighing on your shoulders. jungwon had personally asked for you to scrub in on his surgery, and it’s clear jaemin was just the slightest bit envious, you would be too if in his shoes. mark’s surgeries are always the most fun to watch.

“i wasn’t flirting, he was simply asking invasive questions so i entertained him, he’s a nice kid, it’s called having good bedside manners”.

“are you saying i don’t have good bedside manner?”

“your words, not mine”.

“i don’t care, you were definitely flirting back”.

“i thought you didn’t care?”

“i don’t”.

“well there’s your answer”.

jungwon comes out just fine, you and jaemin however, you take a while to recover.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 8: well i guess he’s fine..

at the end of the week you typically only prefer to gorge on the junk food remained tucked in your refrigerator and embrace the warmth of your bed, but everybody knows you don’t always get the things you want, especially you in your kicked rock of a life.

“are you ready?” renjun bounces on his heels, changed out of his scrubs already, breathing down your neck in an effort to fasten your process of changing.

“what are you all doing tonight?” jaemin inquires, suddenly nosy.

“well i wanted to go home to eat ice cream then sleep all night, but since it’s the last wednesday of the month and we have tomorrow off renjun wants to go do karaoke at the local bar”.

“it’s kind of our tradition!” jeno offers, he’s sat down on one of the benches, lacing up his dunks. “you should come with us, drinks are half off until midnight”.

“you should come! it’ll be so fun, y/n has the voice of an angel”.

your cheeks color red in embarrassment. “well actually—“

“stop trying to be humble now, just admit it” renjun then turns to jaemin. “please? you literally never hang out with us”.

you can’t see renjun’s face, but you know he’s using that pleading puppy look to sell his point.

you watch jaemin crumble in real time.

“alright, guess it couldn’t hurt”.

what hurts is your throat after demolishing a flurry of early 2000s hits. now your ears are beginning to pain as renjun, donghyuck and chenle go head to head, they’ve rapped to super bass three times in a row, and donghyuck continuously doubles over in laughter whenever chenle messes up a single lyric. you aren’t complaining though, this is about the happiest you’ve seen donghyuck in the week, it makes you feel all warm seeing him laughing and all full of bashful insults.

jaemin has been nursing the same beer since you’ve arrived, tucked away on the couch in an effort to not participate in such nonsense. it dawns on you that you normally don’t hang out with him outside of the hospital much, and you wonder if he even has friends outside the hospital.

before you stop yourself, you’re wriggling out of jeno’s lap and making your way over to jaemin. he looks over when you get close, eyes traveling from the loose neckline of your shirt to your face.

“hiii”, you greet.

“hello, you’re drunk”.

“just a little” you giggle, hiccuping on nothing. “you look all moody and broody in the shadows, are you not having fun?”

“i am, you guys are just..” jaemin pauses, again glancing back at the scene before seemingly taking back a few words. “i am”.

you hum, whistling in the air. “i need some fresh air, come with me?”

jaemin nods, following behind you in the manner of a shadow out of the establishment. you two end up sitting on the sidewalk, chilling air offering you solace as you attempt to sober up.

it’s chillier than it was before, but you bask in the cold instead, short sleeves acting as nothing of a barrier.

“that was quite the performance back there” jaemin says quietly.

“thank you, yeah i can’t compare to donghyuck but singing is.. you know, just a hobby”.

you shiver offhandedly, jaemin observes for a while before offering you over his jacket, caging it around you in his lingering warmth. you yearn to comment on it, he practically dares you to, so you take it in silence.

“you know what would be amazing? a hot spicy bowl of kimchi jjigae”.

it’s been a while since you’ve been able to cook a genuine meal, the shifts take it all out of you and turning on any kitchen appliances gives you anxiety after a long shift. eating is a whole shove and go sort of a thing, you don’t pay much mind to it anymore. “now why would you put that in my head? i’m hungry” you whine.

“i know a good spot near the hospital, their stuff is like home”.

you ignore the mention of home.

“you’re just making it worse”.

“sorry” jaemin is not sorry. “maybe we can go together after work sometimes”.

“oh, like with the other interns? that’d be nice..”

jaemin looks caught, he swallows down nothing. “no i mean.. just us”.

you freeze. “oh”.

“what? having sex with me is okay but dinner is completely out of the question?”

“no” you reply defensively. “it’s just— us, you know? we can’t even go a few words without arguing, we don’t do dinner, the only thing we have in common is that we’re stuck up surgeons, we don’t do dinner”.

jaemin presses his lips into a flat line, the kind of thing he does when he’s looking for something nice to say. “we’re friends”.

you almost lurch forward, perhaps drinking was not a good idea. you blink, completely knowing of your upcoming decision.

“you know what? yeah, let’s get dinner”.

“right now?”

“no time like the present!” you shout, holding your hand out for jaemin as you rise from the sidewalk. he takes it, intertwining your fingers as you haul him off the ground,

“what about the others?”

“they’ll be fine” you excuse. “come on”.

you realize belatedly that it’s about midnight, which means most, if not all restaurants serving kimchi jjigae are closed. you two end up at the popular twenty four hour ramen spot instead, and you take time to sober up as you two wait in line. hanging off jaemin’s arm, you simply allow your head to lean against his shoulder, the other making no room for little complaints, you’ll regret being all clingy in the morning, but for now, it’s all up in the air. the waitress who seats you eyes you in that knowing way, she thinks you two are a couple, you decide to not correct her, there’s no benefit, she ensures a comment about how cute you two are.

“first thing i want to do after getting my license is..” jaemin begins. “treat the uppers at one of these places, like a celebratory dinner”.

“ramen for surgeons?”

“basically”.

you hum, tongue hot, all warm. “you wanna split this with me?” you inquire, referring to the takoyaki before you on a plate.

“can you even eat all that?” jaemin poses, clicking his tongue as he eyes the spread of appetizers. you aren’t a quitter, especially after a week of subpar meals you didn’t even bother turning on the stove to create. you raise your plate in his direction, offering a takoyaki ball which he takes a stab at.

“have you always wanted to be a surgeon?”

jaemin sighs. “we don’t have to do this”.

“do what?”

“the thing where we ask each other questions and pretend to care about the answers”.

“i do care” you press. “aren’t we friends? answer the question, minjae”.

“is that supposed to be a nickname?” jaemin grumbles. you’ve always had a knack for nicknames, jeno your main victim. “it sucks”.

“answer the question”.

he sighs again, but this time he’s smiling. “i mean, guess i always had the feeling, i was obsessed with that surgeon game when i was younger, i would sneak into my dad’s office and read up on all of his procedures, i read a lot of his stupid textbooks and was hooked forever”.

“oh”.

“yeah”.

“well it probably helped your family’s full of doctors huh?”

he pauses. “not really”.

you stop for a moment. “your dad is na kiwoo, he’s crazy good at his shit, he invented a whole new way to transplant bone marrow! your uncle is literally the chief of surgery at the hospital we intern at!”

you probably appear nerdy, you scratch the back of your ear, somewhat embarrassed. jaemin stares, clearing his throat. “my parents didn’t want me to become a surgeon”.

you are absolutely gobsmacked, jaemin goes through the effort of physically putting your jaw back in its place. “seriously?”

“absolutely, they did everything to make sure i wouldn’t get into the medical field, wanted me to get some bullshit sports scholarship, they refused to pay my tuition and basically said i ruined their dreams of having an olympian son so i went no contact”.

you scoff. “god”.

“right” he grins, though there’s little genuine. “i tried so hard to get into any program that didn’t have to do with guleum but look where i ended up”.

you blink as you attempt to process the influx of information. “but you’re destined for greatness— you’re your parents’ legacy”.

he dismissively waves. “it would be great if they cared, they have their noses buried in their work, can’t believe they thought i wouldn’t take it personal”.

“you’re still mad?”

“what do you think?”

and then he chuckles. you deliver a small smack to his shoulder, along the lines of an affectionate gesture. “they’re dickheads, you’re gonna be one of the best surgeons in the world, besides me”.

jaemin is now the one who’s surprised. “did you just compliment me?”

“hm.. think you’re hearing things”.

“sure” he stops. “so what about you, then? what got you into this program?”

your nose scrunches. “my sister, she always had complications growing up but she had to get a lobectomy when she was young because she had a tumor, after that she couldn’t talk for a while, we spent a lot of time at the hospital so that’s where the interest came from”.

“i didn’t know you had a sister”.

well you didn’t exactly care. “i have three, never a moment of peace”.

“oh i bet”.

your expression falters for a moment. “dad and mom didn’t want me to, get into the medical field that is, they thought i couldn’t do it, said it was a future depicted in failure and that i’d quit at the first loud shout”.

“you? quit?”

he appears genuinely shocked by such a revelation. “are you surprised?”

“kinda” he mutters, opting to glance directly at you. “you’ve always been so persevering, can’t imagine you quitting anything”.

you shrug. “they weren’t around much, i had to kinda fend for myself with three girls running around”.

“well you did it didn’t you?”

“yeah, all those my little pony reruns and sugar cookies” you muse, shaking your head. “i should not know as much as i do about that show”.

jaemin laughs at that one, and you can’t help the pride which swells in your chest. you belatedly realize that you’re enjoying this conversation, you two haven’t had a petty fight in a while, go figure.

“you aren’t that bad”.

“surprise”.

“so why are you so hellbent on proving it then?”

“preconceived notions go a long way, people hear my last name and think seven thousand different things, it gets tiring trying to prove them wrong, i don’t care anymore”.

but if his voice is anything, then he definitely does still care.

“okay so how exactly do you plan on getting home?” he inquires to you, leftover bags swinging in the light wind.

“the night bus”.

“you don’t drive?”

“i would kill myself” you blurt, and jaemin snorts. “don’t laugh, highways are terrifying, besides, the bus is empty at this time”.

“do they really run now?”

you stare flatly. “of course they do, i memorized the running hours”.

he has half a mind to giggle at that one, you then grab onto jaemin’s hand as you drag him towards the nearest bus stop.

your building lights remain blindingly bright once you finally reach your stop, jaemin following behind you in the fashion he always does.

“you really didn’t have to walk me”.

“i needed to make sure you’re in safely” he emphasizes, as if that makes any sense, he opts for an eye roll to sell the stubborn bit.

“aww, what a gentlemen you are minjae”.

he grumbles at the nickname, though his smile threatens to jump up at every glance.

for the first time since you and jaemin eloped, you take a glance at your watch, shocked at it being half past two already. “don’t you have work today? why didn’t you say anything?”

jaemin shrugs, flatly, very jaemin. “you guys were having fun, my shift’s at noon, it’s fine”.

“okay well, goodnight?”

“goodnight,” jaemin replies, and he leans forward for a peck, it’s short and sweet, by the time he’s done, you realize all too late, cheeks gone red as you instead blink.

“uh” you begin, very intelligent y/n, stellar. “that was.. um—“

“you okay?”

“no! i mean— yes i just, that was nice it was nice..” you exhale, “can i have another one?”

jaemin gives in, cupping your cheeks and drawing you in for another kiss. it shouldn’t go on for as long as it does, but you’re much too embarrassing to admit such a thing, instead you let him do it again, and again, and again, all soft against your lips.

“we probably shouldn’t do that again because..” your lips attempt to twitch up, you try to fasten that sincere expression on your features. “well you know—“

“right, no domestic shit” jaemin smiles, all teeth, so cocky.

you refuse to give him the satisfaction of a smile, turning towards the entrance in order to hide it. “goodnight”.

“goodnight” jaemin lingers for a moment, as if he wants to say something more. however, it appears he changes his mind once you glance back at him, he mirrors your turn back and begins walking off.

it’s not until you put the leftovers away and begin undressing for your shower that you realize you forgot to return him his jacket.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 9: the crush-not-crush phase

jaemin does the friend thing exceptionally well, he relays obscure anecdotes that you giggle at and sneaks in slight jabs when doyoung’s in the middle of an important sentence that has you nudging him in the stomach with your arm.

like right now, he’s droning on about a moment when a nanny almost burned down his parents house whilst trying to cook for him and you’re very much interested, sneaking snorts under your breath.

renjun, jeno and donghyuck all arrive, tapping you on your shoulder, you turn to glance with the slightest confusion.

there isn’t an exchange of words, they simply observe jaemin until he smiles, making up a story about having to go check up on a patient.

they all silently watch him leave.

“why’d you scare him off?” you complain, almost tapering off into whining territory.

“i just want to know what’s up with you two” renjun finally says.

you groan, donghyuck pushes as he takes a seat beside you. “we are not having this conversation again”. 

“is he your friend? your boyfriend? an eight month conquest? your shotaro replacement?”

“why does everyone think we’re dating—“

“i ran into him when he was leaving your room this morning” jeno drawls, flat, irritated in that soft way he always is. “i’m about to ask him to start pitching in on the water bill”.

“he’s not over that often”.

your argument falls flat at donghyuck’s eyebrow raise. “he has been this month, do you like him?”

“okay— i hook up with him a few times doesn’t mean i like him”.

“you two keep sneaking off every time we hang out, you basically made him our new pseudo roommate and you were doing that thing you do when you like someone”.

“what thing?”

“you get all giggly and playfully mean—“ donghyuck tucks his hair behind his ear and flutters his eyelashes, squealing in what you suppose is a high pitched imitation of your voice; “oh jaemin you’re sooo funny!”

you land a punch, neither renjun or jeno reach to stop your action despite donghyuck’s extensive complaints.

“i’m not— it doesn’t matter, how could i like jaemin? he’s a fucking shark, do you not remember what he did to me in my our first month?”

renjun glances around, as if searching around for a better excuse you could tout. “your point?”

“i don’t like him, i’m not dating him, it’s all for sex”.

“how long has this been going on again?”

you wrack your mind for an answer. “we started right after i got dumped so.. around late august?”

“oh my god” donghyuck says, his eyes blown out dramatically. “you’ve been sleeping with na jaemin for THREE MONTHS!?”

you decide to assault him again. “can you not be so loud?”

“and you haven’t killed him yet? ew, you do like him”.

“i don’t— what does—“

“oh you totally do! holy shit, is the dick that good!?”

when you take a liberal pause, renjun immediately crinkles his nose. “don’t actually answer that”.

“i wasn’t going to”.

“you were having sex flashbacks!”

“was not, get over yourself” you snark.

donghyuck looks one mouth opening away from speaking when mark lee suddenly shows up, plopping himself at your table. “is this seat taken?”

“yes!” you and renjun yell in unison.

donghyuck clears his throat. “actually, you were just leaving weren’t you?”

“we were?” you ask dumbly, donghyuck nods, tipping his head towards the door.

oh, you realize what he’s trying to do.

“right” you begin slowly. “just leaving, just going”.

“me too” adds renjun.

“i haven’t finished my sandwich yet..” jeno pouts, and renjun sighs as he grabs ahold of his collar, dragging him away from the lunch table where you’ll leave mark and donghyuck alone. “c’mon, they have something to fix”.

~

when you enter the kitchen the following saturday, donghyuck offers you a mere glance from his book before sighing. “jaemin’s?”

“yep” you pop the p, crouching down as you open the fridge, offering a squint as if your aid will magically appear given your gaze. “are we out of grapes?”

“jeno ate em all, why?”

“nothing, guess i’ll just starve”.

“are you gonna sleep over?”

“i don’t know..”

“sounds close to a yes”.

you glare, donghyuck chuckles.

“practice safe sex youngling!”

you flip him off, he offers you a kiss instead. “sure”.

“enjoy your weekend off!”

you pause before the door and turn back to give him a look, itching to ask a question you’re aware doesn’t have a definite enough answer. “so.. is everything good between you and mark now?”

“i’m working on it” he says, “just working on it”.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 10: blurring the line just a bit

you stumble into jaemin’s room and fall into his bed with your legs tangled. you feel warmth encapsulate you instantly. there’s lightheadedness, as if you’re drunk, intoxicated by the familiar scent of simply jaemin. his hair is in his eyes, yet for a long moment he simply stares. you doubt there’s a definitive way your imperfections could be glimpsed at in the vague orange lamplight, a small frown tugs at your lips.

“what?” you whisper, tentative.

“nothing” jaemin replies, equally silent. “it’s just— you’re just.. you look pretty like this”.

you blank for a moment, brightening yet attempting to shove it downward, reddened. “good, thought you were about to change your mind”.

“hush”.

when jaemin leans down to kiss you it’s soft, and your brain does that stupid malfunction thing once again, you sort of don’t know what to do with it. it’s syrup slow, the way jaemin licks into your mouth and his fingers trail up underneath your shirt, like you two have all the time in the world. you take in a long breath, tugging impatiently at his shirt which acts as a hurdle for you. he chuckles, you feel his smile against your own growing one.

you frown, such an expression heartens jaemin to no end. he’s torturing you, pressing slow soft presses against your soft skin, each press marked by his growing smile as he drags his mouth across each particular edge, exponentially leisure, nothing of vigor and more of attention to specific details. you squirm gradually, jaemin digs the pads of his fingers into your hips to hold you still in place, there’s a gentle edge to it that makes your head spin.

“hey” you tug at jaemin’s hair, and when he glances up at you there’s that huge urge to punch him, or maybe kiss him, do a crazy combination with the grin he’s sporting. “could you— fuck speed it up”.

“don’t you rush me y/n” he drawls, blinking up at you through his terribly beautiful eyelashes. “today is special”.

“it can be special when you get to it”.

“so bossy, maybe you should be in control then”.

despite his clear amusement, lingering insults on his tongue, jaemin again leans down to kiss you. it seems he enjoys that aspect, you don’t let go of his hair, hand on the back of his neck pressing him closer. it’s a good kiss, the slightest bit scary to you. you think you could get used to this, get accustomed to the sight of his dirty blonde hair and his hands pressing into the skin of your hip, possibly leaving marks.

it seems a little scary, but it also seems.. well, it makes you have all those mushy feelings you shouldn’t be having, feelings you’d have a heart attack at having three months ago.

you suppose you are blurring the lines a bit here, teeth ground and face buried into his neck, as if you were attempting to crawl into his skin. jaemin holds you and talks you through it like a lover would, it does terrible things to you, terrible terrible thoughts swirling around in your brain.

in the morning, you awake alone. you lie there for a moment, sunlight peeking through the curtains, then you allow your head to fall once more, taking in a deep breath which inadvertently means you’re smelling jaemin’s pillow. you shake your head instantly at such a thought, it’s really all over for you.

you settle for a moment before finally rising from your place, more of rolling off jaemin’s bed and almost breaking your bones with the fall on the floor.

you go through the motions, brushing your teeth and attempting to fix your hair, eventually just leaving it half done. you then venture into jaemin’s closet, grabbing at a random black hoodie and pulling it over your head.

you hear a commotion, head whipping in the direction of the door. you blink, poking your head out of the bedroom door. “jaemin?”

“i’m fine, it’s all fine! nothings burning down”.

you shuffle your way out of his room, feet mute against his bare floor. jaemin has his back to you, in nothing but a practically see through white shirt. “what’s this?”

“breakfast” he muses, eyes seemingly jumping when he catches a glimpse of you.

you lean over his shoulder, nosy as ever, his face is flat. “what?”

jaemin squints. “do you not like pancakes?”

“what kind of question is that? everyone likes pancakes” you reply, breakfast is one of the most foreign meals to you, you haven’t had an actual real breakfast meal in a startling while. “i thought you didn’t like strawberries”.

“they’re not for me” he says, nose scrunched. he uses a fork to cut up the pieces, getting an equal amount of each ingredient before holding it up to your face. “open up”.

“i know how to use a fork myself, you know”.

“open up”.

you drop your mouth open and allow jaemin to feed you, he observes you eat like a hawk. “good?”

you nod enthusiastically.

jaemin smiles, a real, toothless smile that blossoms alluringly over his features. “alright, eat breakfast, then we can go back to sleep”.

you pause, chewing. “i could’ve helped make breakfast”.

“well i didn’t want to wake you” you’re unaware of when he got closer, you opt to not question it, simply allowing his arms to circle around your waist and for him to kiss you once again. his presses are slow, lazy, warm, his sigh in tandem with him pushing you up against the counter.

“can’t i eat?”

“you look good”.

“my hair looks like shit..” you mumble, in response he ruffles it, which earns a grunt as you attempt to escape his hand by leaning backward. “and you just ruined it again”.

“i didn’t do anything” he’s got that smile on again, the one without his teeth, you found you enjoy capturing glimpses of that one much more than you’d ever gloat. “now eat, lord knows how long it’s been since you’ve had breakfast”.

he makes it up to you by helping you wash your hair in the shower, practically putting you to sleep with his ministrations, hand motions paired with a warm stream of water a dealing blow. he lets you do the same for him, sneaking in kisses between rinses to make your time a bit more difficult, water flicked your way resulting in slight squeaks. you spend the afternoon on the couch, bickering over what to watch before eventually settling on a drama you’d been recommended, cuddling closely, though napping quickly overtakes you. jaemin is heavy against your chest, and when you wake up past sunset, there’s a noticeable cramp in your arm, yet it’s the happiest you’ve felt in years.

~

it’s no wonder things change after that.

you see jaemin in the hallways of the hospital, messy hair paired with eye bags and your heart starts beating erratically. it remains in such fastened motions whenever he sends you a smile at lunch, or when you’re around the rest of your friends and can’t help but just.. stare. your chest warms inexplicably whenever he purposely bumps into you in the locker room or leans against you once he’s worn out, in the manner of a mind reader who knows what exactly such things to do your weak heart.

you’re still hooking up, obviously, but it’s become so ridiculously domestic that you’re unaware of when such lines began blurring.

jaemin brings you coffee, placing it atop the nurses station and patiently awaiting your response, smile akin to a cat bringing their owner a dead rodent as a gift.

you blink at it, then up at him, smiles all high. you recognize the doodles on the cup as from the cafe down the street, yet your mind is still the slightest bit woozy from a frankly terrible three hour sleep. “what’s this?”

“a little pick me up” he replies. “can’t just keep throwing back espresso shots, that’s unhealthy”.

how jaemin even figured that out is something you neglect to mention, you presume he’s some sort of alien mind reader, completely inhumane. you would’ve bitten back with a snarky remark a few months ago, yet it appears your mind is full of gray static now. you shake your head and go back to reading over the patient notes.

“i can’t drink that”.

“it’s your order” he drawls, and your eyes again shoot up.

“what.. uh— shit”.

jaemin pokes at your shoulder, sliding the cup over and encouraging you to take a sip. you’d argue with him, if you could with how he’s staring.

he was right, it is.

“how’d you even..?”

“i have my ways,” he brightens.

“thank you” you whisper.

“it’s nothing” he leans in to dart a kiss to your temple. “take it easy, okay?”

and your world successfully tilts on its own axis, you really need a word for that one.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 11: desperate times desperate looking man

“i feel like i haven’t seen you in ages,” renjun whispers. you’re sneaking into the NICU between patients, like you typically do when swallowed with work. the tiny preemie babies are so cute, they’re simply giving it their all to survive, it encourages you to keep going in the slightest bit. also did you mention they’re absolutely adorable?

“are you finally moving out? are you taking jeno with you? am i free?”

“i’m not leaving, stop trying to divorce me” you say, smacking donghyuck’s shoulder in retaliation to such words. “has jaemin been acting any weird around you?”

“you mean like— weirder than normal?” donghyuck raises an eyebrow, renjun distracted by cooing at the sleeping NICU babies. you always wondered the extent of dreams infants have, constantly intrigued by such a thing.

“no not really” he replies, nudging renjun slightly in an effort to get him back on track. the older startles out of his admiring daze, blinking in your direction.

“jaemin? jaemin’s always been weird, why are you asking?”

“i don’t know he’s acting.. different, i’m a little worried”.

“different how?” renjun does his award winning judgmental gaze, amping up your consciousness.

“well you know how i slept over at his place last weekend—“

“and spared me the ear bleeding noises yes”.

“shut up, this morning he got me coffee before rounds started, he kissed me and told me to take it easy, since when has jaemin cared about that?”

renjun and donghyuck exchange one mere glance before the latter speaks up; “you know what that sounds like? i think you sucked and fucked your way into a relationship”.

“don’t swear in front of the babies!”

“and don’t ever say sucked and fucked again” renjun glares, nose crinkling in disgust.

donghyuck sucks his teeth, though ignoring renjun’s distinct complaint. “seriously y/n, if you can’t see with your huge fucking eyes that jaemin has something for you, that might be a huge problem”.

your arms drop at their sides, readying up some terrible rebuttal when your pager goes off, you immediately sigh once jaemin’s name pops up. “speak of the devil” you muse.

when you walk into the E.R you spot him immediately.

“hey, what’s up?”

“just need you to come look at something for me” he immediately says. “i have a theory, but i need a second opinion”.

a smug smile creeps onto your face. “are you asking me for a consultation right now?”

he rolls his eyes. “don’t act coy, there’s a lady with glitter glue in her ears, you seriously have to see this”.

you let him lead the way.

~

it’s eerily quiet in the intern locker when you walk in to grab your phone, one single being in the room, that of na jaemin, lying back on one of the benches, leg propped up. once he catches sight of you, he sits up.

“hey”.

“hi” you reply.

“out or in?”

“out, apparently i hit my eighty hours for the week, jungwoo cut me off”.

“that sucks, i’m on call tonight”.

“that does suck” you hum, shoving your phone in your bag as you eye the suspicious way his leg is propped up. “what’s up with your leg?”

“nothing, it’s just— my knees a little sore, that’s all”.

you frown slightly. “let me see”.

“you know i’m an adult, right? i can take care of myself”.

“hush” you respond, flatly staring as jaemin sits back on the bench, allowing you to poke at the wrap around his knee.

“it’s an old injury” he says. “it’s supposed to be fully healed but it still troubles me sometimes”.

your mouth drops open in a silent ‘ah’, “speed skating, right”.

“yeah, i was just telling choi about it, i don’t know why everyone is so surprised i used to speed skate”.

“you’ve been telling everyone about your secret past? i don’t feel special anymore, na jaemin” you tease. you sit up on the bench, satisfied jaemin wasn’t lying about wrapping it up properly. you’re supposed to go meet your family after this, but you don’t want to leave jaemin’s side just yet, call it obsession.

“relax” jaemin drawls, giving you a salacious wink. “they all know i only have eyes for you”.

you ignore the heat rising in your ears. jaemin has been much more forward with his advances lately, unabashed, little shame, which reminds you—“everyone thinks we’re dating, you know? you’re fueling the fire”.

“you know i don’t care what people think of me”.

liar.

“well i care” you answer. “about us, about.. uh— well, people always talk, you know? makes me anxious”.

“you sure you want me to stop flirting with you? really?”

“yes” you have an airy undertone lacing your voice, eyes sliding towards jaemin’s mouth, you realize lately that all you want to do is kiss him. you’re about fully prepared to when your phone buzzes in your pocket.

“you got somewhere to be?”

you shoot off a text to your younger sister to assure her that you will indeed not be late. you meet jaemin’s eyes and hesitate for a moment, though you’re unsure of why. “yes actually i have a reunion, well— not exactly a reunion but my parents want me to come home for some reason, probably gonna try to set me back up with my ex like they do every single time..”

there’s a small shift in his expression. “oh? didn’t they try to do that last week? or was that something else?”

“shotaro offered last week and i couldn’t turn him down, they’re trying to push me back to another ex”.

“ah”.

you pick up your bag and stand to head out of the door.

“i promised my sisters i wouldn’t be late, can’t leave them alone at home, if they make anything good i’ll bring around leftovers” you look over your shoulder. “text me when you get home?”

jaemin neglects to respond, you squint as you look at him.

“jaemin?”

“what? oh yeah, yeah, i’ll text you”.

~

jaemin does not end up texting.

you’re aware of that because you continuously glance over at your phone whilst your parents mutter on their meticulous jargon, sneaking in less than vague insults pertaining to your character. you keep checking for some sort of ping, a rogue emoji or videos of his cats that he enjoys sending so much. you only get texts from donghyuck asking what kind of pasta noodles he should buy for dinner, nothing else.

“are we boring you?” your youngest sister inquires, her head leaning against her head as she takes liberal glances towards your own phone.

you sheepishly put your phone away, you have no idea what anybody has been droning on about for the past few minutes, and you’re much too embarrassed to ask. “sorry no, please continue”.

later, you get home and crawl into your sheets, swiping the notification bar one last time to see if jaemin sent anything. disappointment. you tossed and turned for a moment, uncomfortable in the air of your room. it’s late, jaemin clearly had a long day and crashed as soon as he got home. he isn’t obligated to text you everyday, especially when you’re both equally busy in your own right. nevertheless, you briefly entertain the idea of showing up at his place just to see how he’ll react.

that would be crazy, you freak, is what your inner conscious speaks. he’s not your boyfriend or anything.

you do wish jaemin were here, though, he warms your presence in just the slightest.

you get up one last time, grabbing a dormant pusheen plushie left on your floor and pressing your face into it, a silent scream escaping your lips. you peer over at your phone one last time, finally deciding to take a leap.

goodnight, you text, pausing. you take a few moments, typing out i miss you a good six times before deleting such an idiotic message, you two saw each other no more than a few hours ago, why would you even send that? your hands are clammy.

maybe he caught something?

in the next minute, you practically jump up on your feet as your message is registered as seen. you sit up on the bed, observing text bubbles pop up and disappear for several minutes. eventually, jaemin settles on simply hearting your message.

he didn’t even say it back, but your heart is racing, and an irreversible warmth encapsulates you. the sides of your mouth curve upward involuntarily as you think of jaemin, his stupid jokes and his wide smile and his messy blonde hair, lying in bed deciding over how to respond to a ‘goodnight’ text. it’s just a text. a mere reaction even, nothing of a true response, yet this is a feeling you haven’t had in a long time.

lovesickness, you realize.

oh lord.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 12: and zhong chenle was right in the end

“fucking finally” chenle’s mouth does that swivel upward and he beckons renjun closer. “pay up”.

“what? no, this doesn’t count, he hasn’t even told jaemin how he feels yet” renjun argues.

donghyuck taps his feet onto the floor, nudging you with his shoulder as he shares a knowing look, you stick out your tongue, though completely anxious about your upcoming circumstances. “told jaemin how i what?”

chenle sighs as if the whole world rests atop his shoulders. “jaemin romances you every single day, cooks for you, buys you cute gifts, asks for free consults and you’re still wondering how he feels for you? you sure you were at the top of your class back in university?”

jaemin walks in then.

“jaemin!”

you internally wince at the extent of your excitement, tone overwhelming. “um.. hi”.

“hey”.

“you never texted”.

“must’ve slipped my mind”.

“cool— uh, listen” over jaemin’s shoulder, chenle gestures you a thumbs up, renjun making a cut throat motion across his neck whilst donghyuck simply observes the whole thing in the manner of daytime entertainment. “uh.. i’m— we’re ordering in tonight, pizza and a movie are you down?”

jaemin opens his locker and doesn’t look at you. “sounds a little boring, sorry..”

“we don’t have to watch the movie” you suggest, screw shame, you’re as desperate as they get.

he blinks over at you, as if attempting to keep himself grounded though looking into your eyes.

“i’ll pass, have fun though” he replies, “see you all tomorrow” then he’s picking up his jacket, rushing out the locker room in an instant, cutting you off quickly. he practically runs into jeno on his way out, startling the other into donghyuck’s personal space.

“what’s up with jaemin? he looks like his cat just died”.

you turn to renjun and chenle. “he just rejected me, right?

“that money is literally mine” chenle grits his teeth.

“you’re all useless”.

by the time you make it to the lobby, jaemin is about finished with his daily wrap up talk with the receptionist, bag over his shoulder and head pointed towards the door. you’re fully aware of how pathetic you must seem currently, but you suppose nothings worse than not getting the truth out of him.

“hey.. hey, jaemin, slow down?”

jaemin blinks again, the irritated furrow of his eyebrows jumping out at you immediately. “what do you want?”

“i want you to talk to me”.

“what’s there to talk about?”

“you— gosh, you’re so confusing, you know? i can’t read minds, can’t you just tell me what i did wrong?”

and how you ended up outside is beyond you, perhaps it was the better decision, after all, arguing in front of the front desk lady is about as embarrassing as it gets.

jaemin scoffs, glancing down at his watch as if he’s unaware of the time, his apple watch lights up and the background is a picture of his cats, the wallpaper is helplessly adorable, it endears you to no end.

“you didn’t do anything”.

“well you don’t exactly make that obvious with how you’ve been avoiding me, you’ve been weird ever since i told you i started hanging out with shotaro again”.

“that— that has nothing to do with it, what you do out of work is none of my business”.

you try not to feel hurt by that one, you’re aware of what jaemin is trying to do. “so what is it?”

jaemin bites into his cheek. “can’t you drop it?”

“no” you refuse, slightly blocking his way though he could probably carry you on a bad day. “you’re going to have to tell me or get through me”.

“are you insane?”

that almost earns a well deserved fit of laughter, you suppose you are at this point. “you’re being immature, we have all night”.

jaemin gives a long hard stare, and you actually think he’s about to push you out of the way, leave you rejected on the cold sidewalk, but then he sighs, picking at the ends of his hair before breaking into a sigh. “i let you down, you know?”

you blank, arms dropping at your sides as you instead give continuous blinks. “what the fuck are you talking about?”

jaemin looks a crossbred of punching you and kissing you. “of course you don’t remember it’s— god you say things and barely even mean them cause you just talk so much, you know? you make me mad cause you do these little things that just piss me off and i just don’t understand you, you care about people so much and you’re so bossy but you’re also so.. cute, and nice, and you’re funny and you always do these things that make me realize i’m stupidly in love with you, there, that’s it”.

your heart resounds like a drum in your ears. “jaemin—“

“i fell in love with you, okay? and i know you told me not to, didn’t want us devolving into any domestic shit but.. i am, present tense, i’m in love with you”.

oh, you suppose there’s always a catch.

“you done now?” you ask.

“am i— yeah” jaemin laughs, dry and all. “i’m done, are you happy? can i go home now?”

“no” you pull him by the front of his jacket to kiss him, it’s cute that jaemin is clearly surprised by it, the broken whimper he allows to escape when you bite into the swell of his bottom lip is even cuter. his hand comes to cradle your jaw, and for a few sweet moments you forget you’re in front of your building of occupancy. you pull away with your cheeks hot as you rest your foreheads together, suddenly amused.

“thought you would’ve let your parents set you up with your ex”.

“and you didn’t think to ask me?”

“i mean— we never talked about.. this”.

“because you said it would be weird!”

“oh so i’m the bad guy now?”

“yes! yes you are!”

“i told you i was in love with you all you had to say was—“

“shut up” you snap, cupping his impossibly perfect face between your hands. “lord i like you so much, love you an excruciating amount and i miss you all the time even though i see you everyday, you’re so annoying and you have that addicting smile and it’s— you piss me off”.

“as you’ve said before”.

“but.. you know, guess it wouldn’t hurt to try”.

he kisses you again and you can’t help how you smile against his own lips.

“you wanna come back with me?”

jaemin pretends to think it over, as if your fingers aren’t entwined and you don’t already have butterflies alive in your stomach. “i’m worried, what happens if my helmet swallows your tiny little head whole”.

“so romantic na, i’ll have to give you an award for that one”.

“aww, really?”

“no”.

jaemin sticks out his tongue, one last peck given to your lips before you two were off.

when you get back to your place, jaemin falls asleep on your lap midway through the movie like an exhausted old man, or maybe just the young surgeon subjected to the torturous work hours at guleum grave hospital just trying his best. you can’t believe how fond you are, gaze brazen in a manner that renders you nauseous. unable to resist, you reached out to tuck strands of his hair behind his ear.

you hate yourself, it’s just the slightest bit terrifying, you’re fearful at the oncoming future and the enigma of na jaemin in his all. you just want to make sure he wants this, the mushy and sticky feelings which come with the whole process. he is a mystery, yes, but he’s also kind, and patient, and so full of boundless devotion that he probably isn’t even sure he retains.

jaemin jerks awake once jeno flicks on the lights of the living room, but he settles down quickly once he realizes he’s in your lap, you run your fingers through his hair, quietly aching.

he blinks up at you slowly. “i missed the movie”.

“you did” you murmur, “wanna go to bed?”

“yeah” jaemin grabs ahold of your hand in his hair, fingers intertwined, beginning to leave light kisses on your wrist, just above your pulse. he’s so cute like this, so soft looking with his delicate feeling lips and soft all around the edges. you might get sick from the absorbent amount of love you happen to be feeling, his eyelashes flutter in your direction, a smile tugging at his lips which you mirror.

it’s a match made on this soul sucking earth. it’s only a little perfect.

[deancasbigbang]

You Are Moonlight

Author: Maxine

Artist: onowey

Rating: Mature

Pairings: Past Dean/Lee Webb, Minor Sam/Eileen, Past Sam/Brady (mentioned), Past Sam/Jess (mentioned)

Length: 69910

Warnings: No archive warnings apply, minor character death, temporary character death, mentions of torture and brainwashing, descriptions of panic attacks, scenes involving alcohol intoxication

Tags: Angst with a happy ending, canon divergent, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, betrayal, heartbreak, alternate realities, fake!student Dean, fake!professor Cas

Summary: On November 2nd, 1983, the fire that killed Mary also took Sam, leaving John to raise Dean to be a hunter. Thirty-two years later, following a violent encounter with some demons, a dying John reveals to Dean that he recently discovered that Sam and Mary are still alive. He also tells Dean that he must kill Sam if he can’t save him. Grieving, confused, and with no educational background other than a GED, Dean manages to find a way to go “undercover” as a student at Stanford Law School where his brother is currently studying. What he discovers is that there’s something big brewing; an Apocalypse waiting to happen, and that he needs to find a way to stop it. It also doesn’t help that Dean is falling for one of his professors and a fellow hunter — Castiel Novak, who may or may not really be who he says he is. A reimagination of Seasons 1-5. Inspired by the Shah Rukh Khan movie, "Main Hoon Na".

Link to Fic | Link to Art

[kai-ovillager]

BOM DIA, EU TENHO MAIS UMA TEORIA!

Eu tava vagando no pinterest quando achei essa comic

E aí eu pensei "nossa haha muito divertido essa comic, ele indo destruir tudo dnv" e abri os comentarios, e me deparei com isso aqui

E eu fiquei "COMO ASSIM VOCE SAI SEM EXPLICAR ESSA TEORIA, É UMA ÓTIMA TEORIA" E dps de gastar essa mini raiva, meus neurônios começaram a pensar.

Em nenhuma outra realidade a Mabel consegue o Waddles, e somente na realidade que ela consegue ele, que a família Pines derrota o Bill.

"Mas oq isso tem haver, Kai?" Eu tbm me perguntei isso. A gente viu que o Waddles n ia gostar de ficar com a Pacífica, ele *precisa* ficar com a Mabel. Com ela, ele tá num ambiente amoroso, carinhoso, e com a Pacífica não. Se ele realmente fosse o axolote em outra forma e tempo, quando o Bill pedisse pra ser trazido de volta, por ele saber que está com uma família amorosa, ele não iria querer deixar o Bill destruir tudo. Então ele negaria, e o Bill não voltaria, como ele tinha dito!!!!!!!! (Se ele estivesse com a Pacífica ele traria o Bill de volta, isso se os gêmeos do mistério tivessem sobrevivido pq a gente viu que a realidade que a gente viu (A QUE A MABEL TEM O WADDLES) eles acabam indo de X por outras coisas ao decorrer do verão)

Ou seja, a Mabel ter o Waddles é o fator decisivo (mais as outras coisas que eles fazem, superação de ego e tals) pra eles terem derrotado o Bill.

Tenham um ótimo dia!

[flatassthrowaway]

Hey, so… I wrote a thing. Let me know what you think.

This is a Stanford Pines x reader. 18+ MDNI will go into effect later in the story. Reader is female.

~Passionately and Deeply~

~Prologue~

Passion.

I had lots of it. For my work, that is.

Sure, I had friends, and I love them dearly. But… none of them really stimulated me in the way I didn’t know I needed to me stimulated. It was like an itch that needed to be scratched.

I never had that itch scratched.

Not until I came to Gravity Falls, Oregon.

I remember first arriving in Gravity Falls for a travel assignment. Of course, me being me, my first thought was to find the closest, cheapest restaurant.

That’s when I found Greasy’s.

Although the name was less than appealing to me, I decided to pursue my breakfast.

To say this town was one of a kind… I mean it. The location, along with its people.

The diner itself was what you’d expect in a typical diner. The wooden diner had the typical booths, a jukebox in the back of the restaurant, a spinning pie machine (which was apparently broken when one of the elderly waitresses with the pink uniform kept banging on it, saying, “Spin, you dumb pies! Spin!”), a counter where the patrons could get their food served instantly, and, of course, multiple, delectable carbs presented in the front of the diner.

I noted that there wasn’t a hostess stand, and it seemed like it was a ‘sit where you can and someone will come get your order’ kind of place. I, being the introvert I am, quickly took advantage of not needing to speak to anyone.

Unfortunately for me… the diner was packed. Nearly every single seat was taken.

I saw a large man with four of his kids (at least I assume they’re his kids) at the counter, a man and his woodpecker sharing a pancake at the counter as well, and two cops (which I very warily took heed of) feeding each other their shared french toast also at the counter. Multiple other patrons sat with their friends and/or family, and were nearly packed like sardines in the booths.

All… except one.

This man had his hands clasped together on the table in front of him. He was a little older, if the dark grey hair was any indication.

Oh gosh, of course there’s no free place where I could just sit by myself!

Okay, okay, let’s relax. The worst the man could say is no!

But what if he does say no? Then I’ll starve!

C’mon, everyone was so nice when you arrived to town! Surely this man is the same way!

But what if he says no?

But if I don’t ask and keep standing here awkwardly, I’ll starve regardless.

As someone great once said, you miss all the shots you never take, so… here goes nothing!

I walked as confidently as I could to the older man’s table and cleared my throat. He seemed lost in thought, and didn’t seem to hear me.

Yikes…

Okay, time to use my voice!

“Excuse me,” I said in a loud enough volume. The man finally turned his head and looked up at me.

Oh gosh… don’t waver now! Tell him!

“May I sit here? There aren’t any seats available.”

Yes!! I did it!

He nodded, and I sighed a deep breath of relief, my breath showing up. It still was rather cold inside of the diner, but it was still leagues warmer than it was outside. I sat down diagonal from the man as he went back to staring out the window.

Well, step one is down. I don’t even need to talk to him anymore! I could just be on my phone-

And I have no service. I guess that means no YouTube for me…

I guess it’s back to good ol’ conversation… although it seems like this man is more interested in the environment than in having a conversation with me.

Fine by me. I can think about things just fine!

Except I couldn’t help but think about how cold I was.

Thankfully, the same elderly waiter who was beating that spinning pie machine came over to get my order. She had a cup of black coffee for the man which she placed down for him. He thanked her and the waitress turned to me.

She had long grey hair, one eye closed and one brown eye open, blue eyeshadow with fake lashes and hot pink lipstick. Her name tag read, ‘Susan.’

“Hiya stranger! I haven’t seen you around these parts!” Susan greeted me. “What would you like to drink?”

“I’ll take green tea, thank you,” I told her.

“Oh, we don’t have that right now,” she said. “Why don’t I get you some hot chocolate? You’re freezing, sweetie!”

I nodded eagerly. “Hot chocolate sounds wonderful, thank you,” I told her.

She gave me a warm smile as she went to get my hot chocolate for me.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t order the green tea,” the man said suddenly, making me jump. I put a hand over my chest to calm my heart and breathed deeply.

“Wh-why do you say that?” I asked.

“The green tea can increase the acid in your stomach, which can cause stomach pain,” the man explained.

Looking at him further, he has intensely captivating copper brown eyes, a distinct, strong nose and on the bridge of his nose laid square glasses with a small crack on the left side, a small mouth framed by a grey five o’clock shadow with a strong jaw and cleft chin. Overall… he was a very handsome man.

“Oh, I did hear that somewhere. Well, um… thanks for reminding me,” I told him, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear while smiling softly.

He gave me a grunt in response, and then went back to looking back to the winter wonderland scenery outside. Gravity Falls was really beautiful, in all fairness.

Not a moment too soon, Susan arrived with my hot chocolate.

“Here ya go, sweetie!” She told me.

“Thank you, Susan,” I told her, gingerly holding the hot mug in my hands, instantly warming me up to my core.

“It’s no problem! So, what do ya want to eat?” She asked.

Gosh, there’s so many things I want to try! But… the French toast that I saw those two cops eating looked really good…

“Can I have the French toast?” I asked.

“Oh~? Are you sharing with that man of mystery next to you~?” She asked teasingly.

What on Earth was she talking about?

“Um, no,” I told her. In the corner of my eye, the man of mystery turned to look at me, probably upset that I included him in with my order. “Can I get it on my own?”

Susan shook her head. “I’m afraid not, sweetie,” she told me. “The special is called ‘French Toast Lovers’ for a reason. It’s meant to be shared with two people.”

Before I could speak, the man of mystery spoke.

“I’ll eat it with you,” he spoke. I looked to him.

“No, you really don’t have to-“

The man cut me off. “Really, it’s fine. I’m craving something sweet now since you brought it up.”

I nodded at Susan as she just laughed. “Ah, lovebirds. I’ll get to you as soon as I can.”

As soon as she left, I looked to the man and smiled at him sheepishly. “Thank you,” I told him.

He smiled back in response, which quickly faded.

…Not sure what I was expecting with that.

“You’re new here, aren’t you?” He said.

I nodded. “Yes, that’s right,” I told him.

We kind of sat in silence, staring at each other. I was expecting him to have a follow up question, but instead, he said, “This is the part where you tell me your name,” he told me.

“A gentleman would introduce himself first, then ask for my name,” I told him.

His eyes looked downcast, but quickly recovered. I hope that wasn’t too mean. He nodded. “My name is Stanford Pines. What’s your name?”

…Wow.

This is the first time that actually worked. I didn’t actually expect that to work. All the men I’ve tried that on just rolled their eyes at me and left.

“That’s better,” I said with a small smile as I introduced myself.

“Nice to meet you,” he said my name.

“Likewise,” I told him.

“What brings you to this small, secular town?” Stanford asked.

“I’m here for work,” I told him.

“I see. What is it that you do?” He asked, almost hesitantly.

I told him all about my line of work, and genuinely seemed interested in what I had to say.

“How curious… I never knew there was so much to learn for that line of work,” he told me.

I smiled. “You’d be surprised,” I told Stanford. “What about you, Stanford? What do you do for work?”

Stanford took a swig of his black coffee and set it down. “Do you believe in the paranormal?” He asked.

I nodded. “Of course. There are spirits all around us at all times,” I said.

Stanford chuckled. “Oh, dear,” he said, pushing up his glasses. “There are many more entities in the paranormal world than spirits.”

I nodded. “I’m aware. Spirits are the most common ones that find me, though,” I told him.

“Do you happen to be a medium?” He asked, saying my name.

I shook my head. “No. I just… sense them.”

“Fascinating… tell me, how do you sense the spirits?”

“Well, if I’m somewhere warm but it suddenly turns cold, a spirit is right next to me,” I explained.

He pulled out a worn, old red notebook, writing what I said down. He must be a paranormal investigator! Or… an exorcist.

“Are you an exorcist? Or a paranormal investigator?” I asked.

Before Stanford could respond, Susan returned with the French toast. She winked (with her good eye!) and left us to enjoy.

The problem was… there was only one set of cutlery.

“Excuse me, Susan. Excuse me!” I called.

She was gone. This poor man…

I looked at Stanford sheepishly. Almost as if he read my mind, he said, “Have some.”

“But-“

“It doesn’t matter, I have a robust immune system,” he told me.

I sighed. “If you say so…”

I tried a bite of the French toast, and when I say I died and went to heaven, then came back… I meant it.

The ratio of cinnamon to nutmeg was superb! And then the hint of chocolate infused just made it even more succulent! This French toast is so delicious, I could cry!

I guess I started to concern Stanford, as he called my name. “Are you okay? Are you allergic to something in the French toast?”

I blinked twice at him before smiling. “No, that’s not it at all. I’ve just… never had French toast as stupendous as this one, that’s all,” I told him.

He raised a grey eyebrow in disbelief. “That’s some high praise,” Stanford said. “Let me try.”

I gave him the plate, and he sampled the French toast for himself. His eyes widened before giving me a smile.

“You’re right. It’s quite delectable,” he said my name.

I smiled at him. “I told you.” He chuckled as we took turns eating from the French toast before there weren’t any left.

“Well, that was just about the best French toast I’ve ever had,” Stanford said.

“Same here.”

“I’m almost tempted to order another one, but I had enough temptation for one day,” he said.

“I wouldn’t say no to more,” I told him.

“No, it’s alright.”

Susan came up to the both of us, and smiled. “Anything else for ya lovebirds?” She asked.

We both shook our heads. “No, thank you,” we said, not registering that she called us lovebirds at the time.

“Okay… well, you know the drill Mr. Pines,” she said, giving the tab.

I pulled out my wallet, but Stanford was faster than me, and gave her cash, including tip. Thankfully, I caught what the amount was, and started collecting the money to give to Stanford.

“Wonderful! You two have a great rest of your day!” Susan then turned to Stanford. “And if it doesn’t work out with this young honey… you know where to find me, handsome.”

Umm… what just happened?

Stanford looked just as dumbfounded then cleared his throat then looked at me.

“Miss Susan is convinced that we went out at some point, but there was never a time when I showed any interest in her.”

I smiled. “You don’t have to explain to me, Stanford,” I told him. “And thanks for footing the bill.”

“Well, I should thank you for keeping me company. Since my niece and nephew have left, the house has been eerily quiet.”

Aww, that’s cute.

“Well, thanks for welcoming me to the town,” I told him as we both stood up. Woah… I didn’t realize he was so tall. He squished himself in the corner so I couldn’t really tell.

“Not exactly the warmest welcome you deserved, but… I hope you enjoy your stay,” he told me.

“Thanks, Stanford.”

“Please, call me Ford,” Ford told me.

“Thanks, Ford,” I told him, holding my hand out to shake it.

Ford smiled at me, and shook it. His hands felt massive in my own. So warm and rugged…

“And, if you ever want to talk about the paranormal… you can always find me at 618 Gopher Road,” he told me.

I raised an eyebrow, inquisitively playful. “That was rather bold to give out your address like that. Are you sure I won’t stalk you at all hours of the day?” I asked playfully.

Ford retained his smile. “You’re not that kind of person,” he said my name. “I can tell.”

I smiled back at him as I reached into my pocket to give him the money from the bill. “Well, until then Stanford Pines,” I told him, quickly shoving the money in his hand, then leaving.

I ran as far as I could in the direction of my home so that he wouldn’t follow me. As soon as I walked through the door, I shut it and locked it.

Phew… now my debt is paid, and we can continue as friends.

Oh wait… is it too soon to start thinking that this man could be my friend?

Likes and reblogs are always appreciated! Read what happens next!

[babydoslilo]

Entre Rivais

O que acontece no jogo, fica no jogo. Ou pelo menos tinha sido assim até Harry Styles e Louis Tomlinson, capitães de times rivais, deixarem a competitividade e arrogância influenciar suas atitudes fora do campo.

Talvez não tenha sido uma boa escolha para Tomlinson pressionar o corpo forte na parede. Também não foi muito bem pensado que Styles se viu entre um peitoral másculo e um sofá. 

Em um cenário majoritariamente masculino e homofóbico como o mundo do futebol, não é recomendável que dois jogadores heteros desenvolvam certos tipos de sentimento. 

Bom.. eles terão que lidar com isso.

Essa história contém: Smut gay; Revezamento; Enemies to lovers; Harry um pouco menor que o Louis; Mutual pining (quando as duas pessoas se gostam, mas acham que o outro não está interessado).

Pequeno aviso aos que leram Rivals: vocês vão achar muita semelhança com a oneshot ziam no início, mas essa é a história completa que eu queria fazer quando pensei naquele plot. Boa leitura!!

WC: +18,4K

I

O apito soou estridente anunciando o início da partida. Seria só mais um jogo comum entre dois times ingleses se não fosse pela competitividade que exalava dos poros dos seus respectivos capitães. 

Apertar as mãos dos seus oponentes poderia ser descrito como o momento mais cortês e amistoso de qualquer esporte, mas também era o mais falso. Os olhos claros se encararam por segundos inteiros e nem um "bom jogo" foi pronunciado, os maxilares rigidamente marcados e o aperto forte em suas mãos deixou claro o quão sério iriam jogar naquela manhã. Assim que se encontraram frente a frente novamente para jogar a moeda e decidir quem iniciaria com a bola, o ar pareceu se tornar mais pesado e o choque entre o azul e vermelho das roupas assim tão próximas poderia soltar faíscas. 

Pela primeira vez durante toda a etapa classificatória das equipes, o sol brilhava forte no céu, fazendo com que os jogadores ficassem suados e cansados ainda mais rápido. A tela verde que era o gramado estava totalmente pintada com pontinhos misturados das cores azul, branco e vermelho dos times e o uniforme preto que acompanhava com velocidade os jogadores para marcar qualquer penalidade no jogo.

O uniforme de Louis era branco com mangas e short azuis, e já estava manchado de terra, suor e grama em poucos minutos da partida. A faixa preta que segurava os fios curtos molhados o irritava com a pressão constante em sua cabeça e ele estava a ponto de arrancar tudo com o nervosismo que sentia a cada minuto que passava sem um maldito gol. Os 15 minutos iniciais do primeiro tempo foram cruciais para determinar o ritmo e seriedade com que os times jogavam, e mesmo que o resultado não fosse eliminar ninguém da competição, era importante se manter em um bom pódio.

Tomlinson, como capitão, seguia correndo o máximo que podia e animando os colegas, incentivando a sempre continuar com as marcações e ataques. Aquele apoio era fundamental e todo mundo podia reconhecer o efeito que tinha uma boa liderança. Do outro lado do estádio, o time rival não tinha a companhia do seu capitão em campo, mas podiam sentir a apreensão e incentivo que o cacheado emanava dos bancos, não conseguindo, no entanto, se manter sentado enquanto os parceiros jogavam, e por isso estava sempre gritando ordens em pé como se fosse o técnico. 

Harry Styles estava se recuperando de uma cirurgia no joelho e por isso só entraria diretamente para o embate se fosse realmente necessário. Enquanto os colegas conseguissem manter a defesa bem alinhada, as marcações pressionando os adversários e os passes bem feitos, não havia motivos para se desgastar. Essa tática seria útil em não lesionar ainda mais o jogador se ele de fato conseguisse se manter calmo e descansado enquanto não precisava se esforçar, recomendação que realmente não era cumprida ao que as pernas envolta em um short branco se movimentavam ansiosas de um lado para o outro e os braços tatuados não paravam quietos, passando a mão pelos fios castanhos e apontando para o jogo aos gritos em todo segundo. 

O dois times em campo eram muito bons, não dava pra negar, mas assim que Louis fez o passe que foi brilhantemente finalizado por outro atacante, marcando o primeiro gol da partida quase no final do primeiro tempo, a torcida se tornou voraz na arquibancada e Harry sentiu a pressão em seus ouvidos, bem como no estômago. Teria que jogar também. 

Mais uma vez o sílvio longo do apito soou, indicando o final desse tempo, e os dois times se recolheram cada um em seu vestiário. Os técnicos e seus assistentes com prancheta em mãos mostravam desenhos e estratégias que poderiam tomar a seguir, os jogadores ouviam atentos às recomendações e sugeriam trocas e substituições, os massagistas e fisioterapeutas davam uma revisão geral em todos os garotos, aplicando sprays mentolados e fitas adesivas, Kinesio tape, para alívio de dores e possíveis distensões musculares, e os capitães tentavam se concentrar na responsabilidade que estava em suas mãos. 

Quando puderam voltar para o campo, alongando rapidamente o corpo e dando pulinhos para esquentar o sangue, o clima do ambiente parecia ter mudado. Com os capitães e atacantes à postos direcionando os seus, a atmosfera se tornou quente e pesada, o sol contribuindo para tal já que se aproximava do meio-dia, e os olhos quase fechados pela claridade acharam foco um no outro, encarando com determinação o rival do outro lado do campo. Mais uma vez o som estridente fez com que os corpos se movessem com velocidade, estavam todos famintos no segundo tempo, uns querendo se manter na liderança e outros querendo retomar o poder. 

A bola girava nas chuteiras de marcas famosas, o gramado já contava com algumas falhas e a terra se mostrava após quedas e derrapadas em um mesmo local. Os uniformes sujos já estavam se colando aos corpos musculosos e alguns jogadores se sentiam doloridos após tantos empurrões e puxadas que davam e recebiam. No entanto, o embate pessoal entre Tomlinson e Styles não tinha acontecido com tanta ênfase até que o calçado com o número 28 estampado conseguiu domínio total da bola, driblando a defesa dos outros com agilidade e se aproximando perigosamente do gol. 

Foi nesse momento, quando estava quase lá, de cara com o goleiro adversário e a área livre, que Louis sentiu um corpo forte e poucos centímetros mais baixo colar ao seu com dureza, uma mão agarrou firme a barra da sua camisa e um peito largo fez pressão em suas costas enquanto pernas ágeis trabalhavam para tentar tomar a bola. 

O maior tentou se livrar do agarre com os cotovelos, mas não conseguiu. Tentou jogar a pélvis para trás para ganhar mais distância entre o quadril do outro e o seu, o que também afastaria ele da bola disputada, mas o homem insistia em lhe encoxar, não se afastando um centímetro sequer. A confusão de corpos estava tão intensa que o juiz viu a necessidade de parar o jogo, dando um pequeno aviso de que aquilo não era dança de salão para estarem colados, e assim que Louis virou para ver quem estava lhe marcando daquela forma, seu sangue ferveu. 

O cacheado respirava com dificuldade enquanto seus olhos ferozes encaravam os azuis do outro, as mãos que estavam apoiadas na cintura alheia subiram em rendição quando o maior se encheu de uma adrenalina e raiva tão grande que mal viu a hora em que o corpo agiu sozinho e foi de encontro ao que estava em frente. As mãos grandes também tatuadas agarraram o uniforme vermelho e Harry sentiu seus pés levantarem involuntariamente pela força, os narizes quase se esbarraram com a proximidade que tinham tomado naquela confusão que pareceu durar minutos, mas, em verdade, durou segundos antes de diversos jogadores virem afastá-los. 

Eram vozes muito graves falando todos ao mesmo tempo, muitos sotaques diferentes de uma só vez e não dava para entender uma palavra sequer, a única coisa que estava em foco eram as feições raivosas e cheia de promessas silenciosas que eles trocaram pouco antes de um cartão amarelo ser levantado em direção ao de uniforme azul. 

O jogo seguiu acirrado, mais marcações pesadas ocorreram entre os dois e sempre pareciam mais violentas do que as demais. Uniformes eram esticados ao ponto de quase rasgarem, os músculos das pernas já estavam doloridos após tantos empurrões e rasteiras, shorts amassados e levantados depois de tanto contato e um certo volume compondo toda essa bagunça. Era normal de acontecer em partidas de futebol por conta de todo atrito entre os jogadores, então ninguém se importou muito com isso. 

O relógio mostrou que faltavam apenas 7 minutos dos acréscimos para o jogo terminar quando o time que estava em desvantagem marcou gol. A torcida cada vez mais barulhenta nos minutos finais, a ansiedade estampada na cara de cada um presente no estádio, vaias e gritos de guerra se confundiam na acústica local, jogadores mancavam cansados e doloridos pelo tempo em campo quando o apito soou pela última vez. 

Jogo encerrado, placar empatado. 

II

Após todo jogo era comum que rolasse uma after party com todos os jogadores dos times que competiram no dia, além disso várias modelos eram convidadas para embelezar a festa e outros artistas em geral não ficavam de fora. Era uma ótima oportunidade de confraternizar com outras celebridades, conhecer novas pessoas, arriscar uma noite casual ou simplesmente curtir como se fossem anônimos. 

– Que honra ter a sua preciosa presença nos agraciando essa noite senhor Alex, já estava me convencendo que tinha esquecido dos seus velhos amigos. – a voz de Louis saiu brincalhona enquanto conversava com Alex Turner. 

Eles se conheciam desde a adolescência, costumavam dividir baseados e andar de skate nas ruas mais esquisitas de Londres. Mas a vida seguiu e os caminhos se tornaram distantes assim que um olheiro levou Louis para a França para jogar em seu primeiro clube pouco antes de completar 18 anos e quando finalmente fechou contrato com o grande time inglês, Chelsea, e pôde voltar para casa, soube que seu antigo companheiro tinha dado sorte com a pequena banda de garagem e estava tentando a vida de artista nos Estados Unidos.

– Seu senso de humor não mudou nadinha, Louis. É muito bom te ver novamente, cara. – um sorriso torto estampou os lábios finos do cantor. – Ah! Deixa eu te apresentar uma pessoa.. – ele passou os olhos castanhos em volta de onde estavam até finalmente achar quem procurava. Acenou com as mãos e Louis acompanhou o belo homem que caminhava em sua direção. – Esse é Victor Nunez, meu acompanhante essa noite.

O rapaz era genuinamente bonito, Louis pensava nunca ter visto alguém com o rosto tão simétrico e anguloso dessa forma. Ele tinha o corpo alto e músculos em todos os lugares certos, diversas tatuagens que cobriam os braços, um estilo de roupas exóticas e invejáveis ao mesmo tempo e caminhava como se pudesse pisar em nuvens com suas botas de salto. 

– Eu sou Louis, muito prazer. – apertou em um cumprimento educado os dedos esguios com unhas pintadas do outro. – Não me leve a mal, mas você é modelo? Acho que combinaria muito com você, deveria tentar. 

– Sim, ele é, Tomlinson. Obrigado pelo elogio sutil ao meu parceiro, muito gentil da sua parte. – a voz de Alex cortou qualquer tentativa de fala do acompanhante e Louis virou o rosto em confusão para encarar o amigo. 

Os olhos castanhos dele estavam fuzilando as mãos ainda unidas e Tomlinson tratou de separar. Não entendia o que estava rolando entre os dois, mas não queria atrapalhar.

– Bom, Alex… eu posso falar por mim mesmo. – o modelo deu um sorriso pontual para o homem ao seu lado e voltou a olhar para o jogador, suavizando a expressão. – Obrigado, Louis. 

– Certo.. eu vou falar com os caras do time, mas aproveitem a noite. Depois a gente se vê, mate. – o jogador se despediu dos outros dois e saiu o mais rápido possível, não querendo ouvir a discussão entre dentes que pareceu começar ali. Estranho.

Louis tentou se misturar entre as rodinhas de conversa que estavam formadas, nenhum assunto lhe prendendo a atenção por completo. Tinha um sentimento que espreitava a superfície da sua pele sempre que ficava alguns minutos disperso, o cérebro se esforçando para encontrar da onde isso vinha, mas sem sucesso. 

Ele se sentia esquisito desde o jogo pela manhã. Geralmente no final do dia toda a adrenalina e tensão já teria ido embora depois do banho relaxante e sessão de massagem que era seu ritual obrigatório após cada partida, porém tinha algo diferente dessa vez. Tomlinson podia sentir sua nuca queimando e os pelos dos braços arrepiados, como se o corpo estivesse em alerta e não conseguisse descansar.  

Era estranho porque nenhuma confusão ou briga em campo era levada para a vida real, o ditado "o que acontece na partida, fica na partida" era seguido à risca, então o momento de confraternização posterior servia para acalmar os ânimos, reforçar a amizade entre jogadores de times rivais, desopilar do estresse diário com álcool e outras drogas, além de consolar quem tivesse perdido. Pelo menos estava sendo assim para todos os outros. 

No entanto, Louis e Harry ainda guardavam uma certa frustração e irritação mesmo após horas do término do jogo, o que até então era desconhecido por eles. Enquanto todos os colegas conversavam, riam e bebiam juntos, já nem lembrando do placar do jogo ou que no próximo mês iriam se enfrentar em campo novamente, eles fizeram questão de se manterem distantes, sendo ligados apenas pelo olhar duro que quase não desviava. Os olhos azuis de Tomlinson estavam tentando decifrar o que os esverdeados pensavam ao lhe fitar com tanta intensidade, fazendo o músculo dos braços fortes tensionar quando o cacheado levou o copo de bebida até os lábios grossos ainda com o foco sobre si. 

Os fios de cabelo lisos e molhados pelo recente banho do maior contribuíam para a sensação de calafrio que arrepiava todo o corpo, ao passo que as mãos se fecharam em punhos, sentindo o sangue quente pulsar nas veias saltadas e uma vontade absurda de segurar ou bater em alguma coisa. Não era normal tanta tensão vibrando pelo corpo por conta de uma situação comum de acontecer no trabalho que tinha, mas pareceu um sinal do destino quando Harry, que estava do outro lado do grande salão e aparentemente havia cansado desse jogo de encaradas raivosas que eles tinham entrado, largou o copo que segurava em cima de um balcão qualquer e, deixando uma espécie de desafio para trás, seguiu rumo a um corredor próximo à saída. 

O maior não precisou pensar nem por um minuto antes de seguir o rastro do perfume marcante que o outro deixou, não se importando em despedir-se dos colegas que estavam em sua volta. Talvez não tenha sido uma boa ideia, e ele só teve essa percepção quando sentiu o impacto das suas costas batendo contra o concreto da parede assim que dobrou um dos corredores mais afastados e escuros do local. 

Era tarde demais. 

– Oh, porra. Qual é seu problema comigo, cara? – Louis falou, sentindo sua cabeça ser forçada contra a parede e os punhos em sua camisa limitando a respiração. – Me larga!

– O meu problema com você? Você só pode estar brincando! – A respiração quente e descompassada de Harry batia no queixo do outro ao que ele gritava raivoso, se aproximando cada vez mais. – Tava me provocando a porra do jogo inteiro, fazendo questão de se esfregar em mim quando eu estava só fazendo o meu trabalho de marcação, e agora me segue até aqui pra quê? – encostou a testa contra a dele, o nariz amassando o do outro com a força que ele colocava na ação e os lábios rasparam quando ele continuou. – Qual a porra do seu problema? 

Louis sentia as respirações colidindo uma na outra pela proximidade, o sangue pulsando nas têmporas e a pupila dilatando quando o instinto falou mais alto e ele se viu tomando impulso com as mãos firmes na cintura fina do menor, empurrando-o com força contra o outro lado do corredor. Não foi uma escolha racional e eles só notaram o que de fato estavam fazendo quando uma mordida mais forte foi dada nos lábios grossos de Harry e devolvida na mesma intensidade. O beijo que trocavam era doloroso, faminto e puramente sexual.

Não existia delicadeza na troca de saliva, muito menos na maneira que as barbas arranhavam os dois rostos na mesma medida, deixando a pele por baixo vermelha e sensível, e também não havia delicadeza nas mãos que puxavam os fios lisinhos ou nas outras que apertavam as costas e cintura do menor. O gosto amargo do álcool que deixava resquício nas línguas só contribuía para que ambos sentissem o corpo mais receptivo, aceso, e a mente embaçada, sem foco. 

O tecido da camisa do cacheado estava sofrendo com os puxões e amassos que as mãos firmes de Louis deixavam por todo o peitoral e costas, descontando ali toda a frustração de estar desse jeito por um jogador rival. Não passaram muito tempo naquela bagunça de grunhidos graves e respirações pesadas entre os beijos e mordidas, numa disputa não muito silenciosa para ver quem dominava melhor ou por mais tempo, pois assim que a mão direita do maior foi em direção ao pau de Harry em um aperto forte, as mãos deste fincaram todos os dígitos na carne macia da bunda de Louis. 

Precisaram separar os lábios para ofegar em conjunto, ambos com as pupilas dilatadas e contornos visíveis em suas calças. 

Sem nenhuma palavra proferida em voz alta, saíram aos tropeços pelo corredor em direção a uma das portas que tinha ali. Pareciam incapazes de tirar as mãos um do outro e bastou a porta ser trancada por dentro, assim que encontraram um cômodo disponível, para as peças de roupas serem puxadas e tiradas da forma mais rápida possível. Harry não mediu forças quando pressionou o outro corpo na porta trancada, aproveitando para subir pelas costas largas o tecido fino da camisa que ele usava, e logo que Louis se viu livre daquele tecido, tratou de inverter as posições, trocando de lugar e abrindo sem muito cuidado a camisa social que Styles usava, não se importando realmente com os botões que acabaram voando pela força utilizada.

À medida que a pele pálida e completamente cheia de tatuagens ia se mostrando, o maior passou a deixar beijos molhados e mordidas. O primeiro alvo foi o pescoço de Harry, onde o amargo do perfume tomou conta da língua quente de Louis, trazendo um erotismo e ardência que nenhum deles tinha experimentado com os aromas adocicados anteriores.

Depois ele seguiu para o tronco, tentando manchar a pele com chupões e mordidas mais fortes, uma clara competição com a tinta preta que era abundante naquele local. A boca atrevida foi rápida em descer até o cós da calça de alfaiataria que Harry usava, os olhos azuis do maior encarando com curiosidade a espécie de folhagem desenhada no fim do abdômen definido.

Eles não pensaram muito ao tirar com agilidade os tecidos que faltavam para deixar aquele corpo estonteante totalmente despido, ambos descobrindo o quão bem podiam trabalhar juntos. No entanto, antes que Louis pudesse aproximar mais uma vez os lábios da pele quente que pulsava totalmente rígida, o menor pôs as mãos nos cabelos castanhos, segurando com força o suficiente para que o outro ficasse de pé mais uma vez e cambaleasse para trás, seguindo à contra gosto o comando silencioso que lhe foi dado. 

A sala que eles estavam não era muito grande e tinha apenas uma mesa de canto com um aparador de bebidas e copos, duas poltronas próximas uma da outra e um sofá de couro marrom claro ao centro. Parecia uma espécie mais informal de escritório ou sala para pequenas reuniões. Esse ambiente só ficou realmente claro para os homens que estavam tão absortos no que estavam fazendo para dar uma olhada geral, quando Louis sentiu seus calcanhares baterem em um material geladinho e liso, claramente o móvel de couro. 

E ele estaria sentado e à mercê do outro se sua mobilidade não fosse boa o suficiente para inverter de novo o jogo e derrubar o cacheado bem no centro. Harry estava agora nu, jogado no sofá e totalmente disponível para o que quisesse fazer. Foi com isso em mente que o maior não perdeu tempo e logo estava com as mãos firmes na cintura fina, pressionando o quadril alheio com força, e direcionando seus lábios e língua até a carne tenra e pesada da ereção em sua frente.

– Oh, merda! – Harry gemeu contra a própria vontade assim que seu pau foi abrigado por um calor quase opressivo. A única reação que seu corpo foi capaz de tomar naquele momento era fincar as pernas no estofado e segurar com firmeza o cabelo do outro.

Não era romântico, nem delicado. Parecia quase punitiva a forma como os lábios cheios de Louis desciam e subiam sem trégua, famintos e quase sem controle, deixando a aspereza da barba marcar a pele pálida sempre que descia até a base, olhando para cima como se desafiasse o outro a reclamar. O maior era rápido, não perdeu tempo com sutilezas ou preliminares e o primeiro contato já foi intenso e quase doloroso, ocupando toda a boca e se divertindo com o chiado que Styles soltou por entre os dentes.

O menor tentou algumas vezes fazer com que Louis o deixasse respirar um pouco, aquele aperto em seu membro em conjunto com os olhos raivosos lhe deixavam no limite, mas o outro não se importava, nem queria ceder. Foi por isso que, sentindo o momento em que um acúmulo de saliva escorreu de propósito pelas bolas até chegar em sua entrada, ele fechou os punhos de maneira dolorosa na cabeça alheia e passou a estocar com força contra a garganta, sentindo a glande bater ritmadamente bem no fundo. 

De sobrancelhas franzidas e olhos lacrimejantes pelos pequenos engasgos, Tomlinson não iria desistir. Esses momentos de intimidade geralmente não traziam à superfície seu lado mais competitivo e irracional, mas o outro jogador parecia ter o segredo para lhe deixar assim. 

Logo os dedos largos passaram a se esgueirar pela bagunça molhada que a própria saliva tinha deixado no corpo do menor, conseguindo penetrar aos poucos a entradinha minúscula e tensa mesmo com o balanço das estocadas que Harry não dava intervalos e vencendo com muito custo a resistência dos músculos que pareciam estar travados por pura provocação.

– Que filho da put- porra. – a respiração ficou presa na garganta assim que foi preenchido por dois dedos. – Não pense que você vai me foder. Isso não aconteceria nem nos seus melhores sonhos.  

O nariz que estava colado em sua virilha soltou um arzinho em deboche e a cabecinha sensível do seu pau pulsou com a vibração da garganta que lhe acomodava tão bem. Os jogadores se encararam mais uma vez em desafio antes de Harry retomar as estocadas com ainda mais agressividade, pouco se importando se isso poderia machucar ou esgotar a voz do outro quando acabassem. 

Ele também não pensou muito que, assim como ele poderia sempre ir mais forte e mais fundo naquela boquinha, o outro teria muito prazer em revidar suas ações. 

Cada maldita estocada que dava na cavidade quente e babada era seguida por uma pressão dentro de si. A ardência de ter aqueles dedos se movimentando com rapidez e sem muito cuidado na sua entrada, acertando aquele pontinho que deixava a visão escura, somado à pressão que por minutos assolava seu membro, não restavam opções para Harry senão deixar os músculos das pernas cansadas finalmente relaxarem e se render ao orgasmo.

Sem nenhum aviso, Louis sentiu um líquido quente e espesso jorrar por sua garganta, o fazendo tossir e se engasgar um pouco pela surpresa. Os músculos em volta dos seus dedos apertaram uma última vez antes de relaxarem completamente, os joelhos alheios caíram afastados e o rapaz parecia tremer um pouco quando ele tirou a extensão quase flácida da boca e passou a limpar as poucas lágrimas que tinham escorrido e a porra branquinha que escapou pelo canto dos lábios. A pupila completamente dilatada completava a bagunça do seu rosto e o pau rígido e dolorido quase furava o tecido fino do jeans que ainda vestia. 

O cacheado parecia completamente fodido enquanto tinha as mãos acima da cabeça e tentava recuperar o fôlego, ainda meio desnorteado pelo recente orgasmo e muito desatento para reparar no outro corpo que exalava uma tensão absurda enquanto se despia completamente com todos os músculos rígidos como pedra. Pela feição determinada, não parecia que ele realmente queria fazer aquilo, era mais como se ele precisasse e não conseguisse controlar. A cada passo mais próximo do corpo quente e relaxado no sofá, o rosto se fechava ainda mais e a extensão grande e rubra latejava. 

– Ei! O que você pensa que tá fazendo? – o cacheado se forçou a abrir os olhos repentinamente e apoiou o antebraço no sofá, levantando o corpo o suficiente para ver o que o outro pretendia após agarrar os tornozelos de Harry e se enfiar entre as pernas abertas dele. 

– Só.. cala a boca, tá? Eu- porra, eu preciso te foder agora. Então você vai fazer o favor de usar essa sua linda boquinha só pra gemer, entendeu? – A voz saiu grave e Louis pôde sentir a garganta arranhando, a primeira consequência da noite que ele teria que lidar. 

– O que? Você só pode estar louco – Harry riu surpreso e tentou afastar o próprio corpo para trás. Mas o riso morreu e os olhos claros se tornaram bem abertos assim que sentiu ser puxado pelas pernas e uma extensão grossa e rígida colidiu consigo. – Não. Não..  Eu disse não! Porra- Tomlinson, olha, você não pode-

– Mas que caralho! – O resmungo saiu dos lábios inchados ao mesmo tempo que um estalo fez eco no cômodo. Louis não percebeu em que momento sua mão saiu dos quadris magros de Harry e colidiu com o rosto dele. 

A palma da mão latejou, parecia que diversos alfinetes estavam sendo espetados ali e o maior só podia imaginar qual era a sensação que o outro estava sentindo na pele que rapidamente se tornava vermelha. A garganta secou, ele não sabia o que fazer e nem se tinha quebrado o clima com isso e talvez Harry considerasse um erro. Bom.. As dúvidas foram sanadas assim que viu o pau do outro, que estava quase flácido, tomar vida novamente. 

Até Styles parecia surpreso com a reação do próprio corpo, mas logo dispersou o transe que tinha entrado e agarrou com firmeza o pescoço alheio, forçando os dedos na nuca até ter a outra face contra a sua. Olhos nos olhos, eles se encaravam com raiva, determinação, desafio e algo a mais.

– Vai ficar só olhando ou vai fazer alguma coisa? – a voz raivosa e debochada era um contraponto aos olhos brilhantes que, impacientes, pareciam implorar.  

– Você quer tanto meu pau em você que está tão nervoso assim? – um riso em escárnio escapou dos lábios que, mesmo com a voz estranha, tinham um poder gigante sobre o corpo do outro. 

Louis finalmente cansou do joguinho de provocações e se rendeu ao que tanto queria. Levou a mão até sua ereção há tempos dolorida e sensível pela falta de contato, fechou os dedos ao redor e movimentou o punho para cima e para baixo algumas vezes, observando como os lábios bem desenhados de Styles se abriram, os olhos seguindo com atenção cada centímetro que era coberto para depois aparecer novamente. 

Não durou muito tempo, no entanto, e Harry acompanhou quando a pontinha brilhante e avermelhada tomou lugar no centro das suas pernas, sumindo até que ele sentisse uma pressão lhe empurrar. As bordas, antes molhadas, não estavam colaborando dessa vez. O tamanho do membro não se comparava com os dedos que lhe abriram e ele sentiu o estômago gelar com essa realização, ansioso. 

– Cospe. – levantou os olhos vidrados ao ouvir a voz ríspida dar o comando e uma mão ser estendida em sua frente. Harry realmente queria rebater, mas o corpo não pareceu concordar com essa vontade e quando se viu já estava acumulando o máximo de saliva que podia na ponta da língua e deixando escorrer pelos lábios. 

Ele não tinha desviado o olhar das orbes alheias e por isso se sentiu satisfeito quando viu a expressão de Louis endurecer enquanto o líquido transparente ainda fazia ligação entre sua boca e aqueles dedos que já estiveram tanto dentro de si, quanto contra seu rosto. Era interessante saber que podia causar sentimentos tão conflitantes no outro, como se a raiva entre eles fosse tanta que precisavam foder para finalmente seguirem em frente. 

Ambos ainda tinham a atenção um do outro quando Louis pressionou mais uma vez a glande naquele aperto sufocante, forçando toda a resistência até que Harry se sentiu cheio. Empalado talvez fosse mais fiel ao sentimento. Ele estava estático, esperando que em algum momento pudesse relaxar o corpo inteiro e aproveitar. No entanto, não parecia que aconteceria em breve e isso o irritou. 

– Caralho! Porra! Eu te odeio tanto, merda. – respirava ofegante e estava a um passo de desistir. 

– Então quer dizer que o querido capitão de um dos maiores times da Europa não pode aguentar uma simples foda? Você é patético, sinceramente..  Eu esperava mais.

Ouvir isso foi um pouco agridoce para Harry. Ele não queria se importar com que o outro pensava dele, mas ao mesmo tempo a fala mexeu com seu ego. Ele não simpatizava com esse específico jogador, mas não queria desistir agora. Ele não gostava de se sentir inferior, mas seu pau expeliu uma quantidade significativa de pré porra.

Com os olhos fuzilando o outro, o menor respirou fundo algumas vezes, aproveitando para descontar a frustração da dor que sentia com as pontas dos dedos que marcavam os ombros e costas largas de Louis. E assim que relaxou o suficiente para que ele pudesse se movimentar, não dava para voltar atrás. 

O ritmo não foi intenso de início como era esperado apenas por se tratar deles dois. Na verdade, a junção do aperto doloroso que a extensão de Louis sofria somado à própria vontade dele de fazer com que outro se sentisse ainda mais desesperado e frustrado, só o fazia retardar as estocadas, deslizando para fora numa lentidão enlouquecedora, como se precisasse sentir todos os malditos centímetros com detalhe, para logo depois brincar com a ponta gorda da cabecinha, deixando apenas ela em contato com a pele do outro que tremia em impaciência. 

Ele fez isso uma, duas.. talvez cinco vezes antes que Harry surtasse com a provocação. 

A destra agarrou com força uma das nádegas firmes do maior e a outra mão se ocupou em rodear o pescoço lisinho, trazendo finalmente um contato que não fosse extremamente calculado e sufocante. O cacheado puxou aquela carne macia em um só impulso e gemeu aliviado com todo o pau de Louis dentro de si. A mão que estava no pescoço trouxe o rosto corado e suado dele para próximo do seu, os lábios grossinhos esbarrando com as respirações enquanto o polegar e indicador afundavam as bochechas barbadas. 

– É melhor você fazer essa porra direito antes que eu me arrependa, tá me ouvindo? – Harry rosnou com as bocas ainda em contato e deixou uma mordida forte no lábio inferior de Louis. 

– Lembre que foi você quem pediu, princesa. – jogou no ar com um sorriso maldoso e logo Styles sentiu seu fôlego ir embora. 

As estocadas se tornaram firmes e certeiras, pareciam saber exatamente onde mirar, lhe deixando totalmente zonzo e sem direção. Não ajudava com sua tentativa de preservar a dignidade o fato de que as mãos grandes e pesadas insistiam em segurar suas coxas ao redor do quadril que lhe empurrava sem parar e, quando não estavam deixando a marca dos dedos ali pelo aperto, estavam subindo em direção ao rosto, alcançando uma distância moderada antes de descer a palma na pele corada. 

Eram nesses momentos que o menor se sentia mortificado após gemidos saírem altos sem autorização por seus lábios. Sentia a bochecha quente dos dois lados, todo o local ardia e pinicava, mas a sensação parecia lhe deixar flutuando. Estava tonto e sobrecarregado, não tinha certeza se seus olhos estavam abertos ou não, só conseguia focar no peso sobre si, na face latejando sem parar e em sua entrada totalmente preenchida. 

Em algum momento seus dedos fizeram caminho até os próprios lábios que soltavam murmúrios confusos e ininteligíveis, ocupando espaço ali por alguns segundos e resgatando toda a saliva que conseguiu. Logo em seguida, com a ponta dos dedos lambuzadas e escorregadias, ousou em aproveitar que o outro estava concentrado em acabar consigo e arrumou a posição para conseguir o que queria. Ele estava tão sobrecarregado que precisava descontar de alguma forma e arranhar a pele bronzeada ou morder os lábios macios de Tomlinson já não parecia ser o suficiente.

– Oh, porra! Hm.. – Louis gemeu surpreso ao sentir os dígitos gelados em sua entrada, estranhando um pouco o desconforto de ser alargado ainda que minimamente, mas seria hipocrisia pedir para que o outro retirasse os dedos de si enquanto ele próprio afundava com brutalidade o pau naquela bundinha de Harry. Então ele não iria negar. 

Era um pouco estranho e desconfortável para ele. Na verdade, toda essa situação com o outro jogador era completamente estranha e surreal. 

Tomlinson nunca imaginou que teria Styles abaixo de si, tão entregue e corado, parecendo mais macio a cada gemido que escapava pelos lábios agora inchados e com o rosto completamente vermelho e marcado. Eles deveriam se preocupar com essas marcas se não quiserem levantar suspeitas, mas os olhos verdes que pareciam espelhos de tão brilhantes ao revirar as orbes não pareciam sequer cogitar se preocupar com isso naquele momento. 

Enquanto Harry parecia estar fora de órbita, soltando gemidos cada vez mais altos e manhosos sem pensar em quem poderia ouvir do lado de fora, Louis parecia estar fora de si. Os olhos, em vez de possuírem um brilho bonito e sensual como no outro, revelavam um brilho que escurecia a feição, o deixava feroz, como se estivesse em conflito com uma besta dentro de si e não havia chance do lado de fora ganhar. 

Não era arrependimento, no entanto. Estava mais para fome e revelação. 

Ele nunca teve a experiência de ter outro homem sob si e no momento isso só parecia certo demais. O sentimento era de que perdeu muito tempo sem aproveitar de um corpo forte gemendo e implorando pelo seu pau, a voz grave deixando todos os pelos do corpo arrepiados, sabendo que poderia reduzir à lágrimas outro cara, que seria tão viril quanto possível para a sociedade . 

Assim que o pensamento se realizou e Louis notou pequenos caminhos molhados na face de Harry, ele percebeu como seu corpo, sozinho, estava empenhado em tirar tudo o que pudesse daquele momento. O quadril ia forte e rápido, acertando a próstata do outro em quase todas as estocadas, as mãos estavam segurando os joelhos do cacheado o mais afastado possível um do outro e a visão dali de cima era surreal. 

Styles já tinha há muito fechado os olhos e se rendido, ainda tinha uma das mãos apoiadas na carne farta e dois dedos que lutavam para permanecerem quentinhos dentro da entrada alheia, mesmo que só tivesse conseguido deixar que as pontas dos dígitos ficassem ali sem que ele precisasse se esforçar para alcançar mais profundidade. Ele estava fodido demais para esse trabalho. A outra mão estava na própria ereção que descansava sobre a barriga lisinha, deixando uma bagunça pegajosa e molhada pela pele tatuada e ele sequer sabia em que momento o cérebro deixou de registrar o que acontecia com o próprio corpo. Harry gozou em algum momento entre os tapas no rosto, mãos marcando as coxas, estocadas brutas e olhos azuis lhe enlouquecendo. Era impossível para ele precisar o tempo, estava tudo uma bagunça. 

Mas aparentemente seu corpo ainda estava sensível o suficiente para perceber o segundo exato em que seus ouvidos captaram um gemido sôfrego mais alto, seu tronco sentiu um peso extra repentinamente jogado sobre si e sua entrada vazou com a porra quentinha, lhe deixando melado por dentro e por fora.

Harry não teve coragem de abrir os olhos e realizar que eles realmente fizeram isso. Louis sentiu que o outro tentava controlar a respiração abaixo de si e não tinha intenção de conversar sobre o que aconteceu agora. Porra.

Com os olhos firmemente fechados e pernas bambas, o cacheado só deu falta de um corpo quente em cima do seu quando um arrepio subiu pela pele descoberta, o vento frio marcando presença agora que não tinha nada lhe aquecendo. Não tinha barulhos no ambiente, nenhum farfalhar de roupas ou passos. Quanto tempo ele passou tentando fingir que nada tinha acontecido?

Finalmente ele reuniu coragem para lidar com a situação feito um adulto responsável pelas próprias atitudes e abriu os olhos. Não tinha ninguém ali, estava sozinho. 

III

No dia seguinte, Louis estava com uma ressaca infernal e muita dor de cabeça. As memórias da noite anterior não estavam muito claras desde o momento em que ele deixou o corpo tenso do outro jogador no sofá e saiu às pressas de volta pro mezanino da festa, pediu duas doses de alguma bebida muito forte e não lembra de ter parado apenas nelas. 

Ele não costumava ser um babaca com suas parceiras casuais, na verdade ele se considerava um ficante bem responsável emocionalmente. Nunca deixava elas sozinhas após fodê-las como fez com Harry.

Mas.. tudo com o cacheado foi tão repentino e intenso, o corpo de Louis reconheceu que vinha ansiando isso por um longo tempo, ele nunca se deixou ser tão rude com os corpos pequenos e femininos outras vezes, ele nunca tinha deixado o impulso o dominar, e ver como podia ser agressivo com outro homem, de uma maneira que não sabia querer ser, lhe assustou pra caralho. Além de todo esse choque sobre o próprio comportamento, ainda tinha um outro lado para lidar.

Enquanto eles estavam trabalhando juntos em prol do prazer, não parecia que havia nada errado. Mas assim que ambos gozaram e a realidade pareceu vir à tona, sentir o corpo de Harry cada vez mais petrificado, tenso e aparentemente arrependido não era o que Louis estava esperando. O cara estava todo mole e derretido embaixo dele em um momento e no minuto seguinte tinha as pálpebras fechadas com força, lábios franzidos e parecia implorar para que o corpo em cima dele sumisse. 

Foi um banho de água fria. 

Louis até pensou, enquanto virava copos e mais copos no bar, que preferia esquecer esse dia inteiro. Mas ao levantar na própria cama, sem saber exatamente quem tinha o ajudado a chegar em casa, e ao olhar para o espelho do outro lado do cômodo, vendo o corpo bronzeado e dolorido com listras vermelhas e círculos arroxeados manchando a pele, percebeu que dificilmente conseguiria esquecer. 

Ele tentou seguir a rotina normalmente, rezando para que ninguém do clube tivesse notado algo na festa e para que nenhum blog de fofoca tivesse postado algo com seu nome. Por incrível que pareça, tudo estava normal. Louis compareceu aos treinos pelo resto da semana, os assuntos com o pessoal do time pareciam os mesmos de sempre, os olhares de zombaria pelas costas marcadas não pareciam diferentes de quando ele aparecia assim após um dos vários encontros com as antigas ficantes, nenhuma desconfiança sobre um jogador adversário específico. 

Mas apesar de não haver nenhum boato envolvendo o nome do cacheado, Tomlinson não conseguia tirar os olhos verdes e o corpo pálido da cabeça. Podia ser uma fixação completamente normal para um cara que teve seu primeiro homem, só que a forma como os dedos vibravam em ânsia para tocar na pele macia novamente, além da maneira que a concentração parecia cada vez mais dispersa em momentos que não deveria tirar a atenção das orientações do treinador, por exemplo, ou da bola que foi facilmente tomada dos seus pés, e, ainda, a forma como uma angústia subia pelo estômago antes de dormir, lembrando de como os olhos verdes foram escondidos de si pouco depois dele ter uma das melhores experiências da vida.. isso definitivamente não era normal. 

E Harry.. Harry estava uma bagunça.

Depois de abrir os olhos e se pegar sozinho e usado, um frio se alojou por toda a espinha. Foi difícil levantar dali, não apenas pelas dores em todo o corpo, mas porque ele se sentia pequeno e frágil. Ainda assim, reuniu o pouco de dignidade que lhe restava, se é que havia algum resquício ainda, e juntou as roupas, se martirizando um pouco sobre a aparência desgrenhada da blusa sem botões e implorando às divindades para que todos da festa já estivessem bêbados o suficiente a ponto de não notar o estado deplorável dele. 

Assim que deu um jeito na aparência das roupas, fingindo que era comum sair por aí com o peito exposto e a blusa social completamente aberta sobre os ombros, ele se esgueirou pelo corredor quase vazio até encontrar um banheiro. Deplorável era um elogio perto de como ele se sentiu assim que a luz clareou a visão e ele se viu no espelho. 

Definitivamente não dava para se deixar ser visto dessa forma. Os cabelos pareciam nunca ter visto um pente, totalmente embolados, o torso pálido parecia uma tela abstrata com tantas manchas em tons diferentes de vermelho, os olhos ainda guardavam um certo brilho e o rosto tinha marcas bem delineadas pelos diversos tapas que ganhou. Porra. Ele parecia bem fodido. 

Demorou alguns minutos até ele se recompor do choque inicial ao se ver assim e quando se convenceu a não surtar em um local cheio de pessoas, ele caminhou em passos rápidos e com a cabeça baixa até a saída dos fundos. Nem cogitou se despedir dos colegas e conhecidos, só focou em chamar um uber o mais rápido que pôde e finalmente desabar na própria cama. Com sorte esse dia não teria acontecido de verdade e seria só mais um pesadelo estranho como os que ele imagina ser um super herói ou uma donzela da Idade Média.

Ele não teve sorte. 

Isso ficava cada vez mais claro quando ele teve que dar uma desculpa esfarrapada, esperando ser convincente o suficiente, para o técnico do time por ter faltado três dias seguidos de treino. Não era prudente se ausentar quando estava tão perto do próximo jogo, mas Harry não podia simplesmente aparecer publicamente com cinco dedos tatuados em cada lado da face, isso seria humilhante e revelador demais.

Infelizmente os dias em casa não foram exatamente de descanso. O cérebro se manteve ocupado demais em repetir muitas e muitas vezes tudo o que aconteceu entre ele e Louis desde o início do outro dia. O cacheado estava com problemas para seguir em frente sobre isso e esquecer o outro jogador, na verdade parecia que o corpo não queria esquecer e ele se via excitado e sensível sempre que os pensamentos lhe levavam de volta ao momento, e isso acontecia com mais frequência do que ele estava disposto a admitir. 

Quando achou que estava suficientemente decente para voltar à vida em sociedade, Harry tentou ocupar a cabeça com tudo que não lhe causasse gatilhos sobre o maior. Isso era uma tarefa muito difícil quando o próprio trabalho e uniformes suados lhe remetiam ao outro jogador, quando os corpos molhados no vestiário pareciam demais um corpo bronzeado que ele conheceu muito mais que qualquer outro, quando olhava no espelho em casa e já sentia falta das manchas cobrindo a própria pele, mesmo que elas ainda não tivessem sumido completamente. 

°°°°°

–  Tá tudo bem, filho? Você tá nervoso com o jogo de hoje? – Harry ouviu a voz carinhosa da mulher. 

Geórgia trabalhava em sua casa desde que Harry se entende por gente e cuidava dele como uma mãe faria. Por isso que ele fez questão de levá-la consigo para todas as cidades que mudava por conta do trabalho, pelo menos facilitava o fato de o marido da senhora já tinha falecido e não tiveram filhos. Talvez seja por isso o apego quase materno e o cuidado que ela tinha com Harry. 

– Oi, Gê.. – cumprimentou com um abraço carinhoso que sempre lhe deixava confortável, com a sensação de lar. – É.. acho que tô um pouco nervoso sim hoje. Quer dizer, é um jogo importante né- é compreensível.. eu acho. – sorriu sem graça. 

Essa mulher provavelmente o conhecia mais que a própria mãe do cacheado, ele não tinha esperanças que ela acreditasse nesse discurso. 

– Mas não é só isso.. ou é, criança? – Criança. Era assim que Geórgia chamava ele sempre que queria mostrar que estava ali, não importava para o quê. 

Não dava para se enganar em pensar que ela não tinha notado o comportamento estranho de Harry nesse último mês. Logo após um dos primeiros jogos do campeonato, seu garoto tinha aparecido todo marcado, faltou alguns treinos, coisa que não tinha costume de fazer, e andava com a cabeça nas nuvens. Ele não explicou o que tinha acontecido, mas Geórgia não era tão desatenta como ele imaginava, e sabia muito bem como jovens bonitos conseguiam marcas como aquelas. Ela também já foi jovem um dia.

– Acho que não posso mais ser considerado uma criança, sabia?! – Harry tentou brincar e desviar a atenção dos olhos castanhos que o faziam querer se encolher e desabafar como um bebê de 5 anos no colo da mãe. Bem parecido com o Harry dessa idade que corria para o colo materno da empregada sempre que as crianças mais velhas não lhe deixavam jogar no campinho da escola. 

– Você vai ser sempre uma criança para mim, filho. E você sabe que eu estou sempre aqui se você quiser conversar.. não precisa temer. 

Os carinhos que ela fazia nos fios cacheados e o beijo que ela deixou em sua testa, fizeram Harry soltar uma respiração profunda e deixar o medo de lado. 

Ela lhe conhecia melhor do que ninguém, esteve em todos os momentos difíceis com ele, comemorou cada vitória.. Ela não iria lhe abandonar se ele contasse como estava se sentindo após a descoberta. 

Harry nem percebeu em que momento começou a falar. Ele simplesmente soltou tudo que vinha guardando, eram muitos murmúrios confusos e rápidos, mal fazia sentido para os próprios ouvidos e a respiração repentinamente ofegante não ajudava, mas isso só refletia como ele estava por dentro. 

Ele esperava que Geórgia tivesse compreendido pelo menos alguma parte do que conseguiu jorrar pelos lábios trêmulos, esperava não precisar repetir sobre a noite com Louis e sobre como se sentiu bem com ele, esperava que não tivesse soado tão patético quando contou que não conseguia tirar o outro homem da cabeça apesar de ter tentado muito. Esperava também não ter soado muito inseguro quando falou sobre estar em processo de aceitamento sobre ser gay.

A sexualidade não seria uma questão para ele se o universo em que estava inserido fosse diferente. Isso parecia estar estampado na cara dele, pois o abraço que recebeu após minutos de desabafo parecia dizer "eu vou estar aqui mesmo que tudo dê errado, criança". 

°°°°°

Entrar em campo contra aquele time novamente não tinha o direito de o deixar tão nervoso assim. Louis estava se sentindo um amador, isso era inaceitável. 

O estômago estava embrulhado, os olhos vagavam ansiosos pelo gramado, procurando por alguma coisa de forma inconsciente, os músculos rígidos e as pernas trêmulas. Esses sintomas não eram habituais e ele quase agradeceu quando viu o corpo forte com cabelos marrons e olhos verdes ao longe, porque finalmente a agonia por baixo da pele pareceu se acalmar. Quase.

Mas logo esse sentimento ansioso deu margem a outro, mais feio e mais forte. Irritação. Ele não tinha esquecido completamente a forma como o outro se negou a olhar em seus olhos após o que fizeram, e Louis queria empurrar ele em alguma superfície e forçá-lo a olhar só para si. Queria fazer os olhos verdes ficarem vidrados, obcecados, eles não deveriam desviar de Louis.

O mês que passou não fez nada para diminuir essa necessidade que o maior sentia. Cada dia vivido foi doloroso para essa necessidade de atenção, ser negado a isso fez algo muito forte nascer nele. 

O moreno nem se importava mais que o outro cara fosse um homem, a única coisa que conseguia pensar era em como foi bom, como o fez se sentir poderoso ter aqueles olhos brilhantes fixados nele, implorando por ele. Provavelmente isso significava que Louis era gay ou pelo menos bissexual, mas ele não estava surtando por isso. 

Sua família sempre foi muito apoiadora e se ele dissesse que descobriu um aspecto novo da sexualidade aos 25 anos, o máximo que fariam seria dar risada e zombar dele por ter perdido tanto tempo. Ele também sente como se tivesse perdido tempo, talvez seja por isso a urgência pulsando nas suas veias. 

O jogo passou em um borrão. Chelsea em seu costumeiro uniforme azul versus Manchester United de vermelho. O moreno tentou se manter o mais distante possível do cacheado durante a partida, trocou as marcações com os parceiros do time, errou alguns passes e teve que ouvir os gritos e broncas do técnico. Louis não se sentia o mesmo, e provavelmente os fãs também notaram isso.

Agradeceu mentalmente a Alex quando o amigo mandou uma mensagem o convidando para um pub após o jogo, era a desculpa perfeita para não ir no after com os companheiros de time e de brinde não deixaria suspeitas. Mas assim que chegou no local marcado para encontrar o cantor, Louis não tinha mais certeza. O clima estava estranho, Alex estava cabisbaixo e parecia angustiado com alguma coisa, ele também estava sem acompanhante dessa vez. 

Não demorou muito para a bebida fazer efeito e liberar as amarras dos dois homens que queriam conversar com alguém, mas sem admitir para si mesmos o real problema. 

O jogador tentou ouvir o que o outro falava, tinha algo sobre o modelo que ele lhe apresentou da outra vez, Louis não entendeu muito bem porque o sangue que pulsava nos ouvidos o impediu de se concentrar. Provavelmente estava sendo um péssimo amigo e ao ver como Alex parecia um merda, deduzindo que foi a falta do outro rapaz que fez isso com ele, Louis tomou a decisão mais prudente para a sua cabeça. Bom.. Essa cabeça que já tinha inserido uma quantidade questionável de álcool, mas ainda assim. 

Ele esperava ter aconselhado bem o amigo a resolver o problema com o modelo quando disse algo como essas frases clichês sobre “correr atrás da felicidade” que você geralmente encontra em imãs de geladeira. Não estava prestando muita atenção, mas lembra do olhar repentinamente motivado do outro e do momento em que ele virou as costas e saiu do bar. Com a mente girando em ansiedade, Louis só podia imaginar que foi por uma boa causa que o amigo lhe deixou sozinho e com a conta para pagar. 

Ele nunca tinha sido o amigo conselheiro ou racional dos seus círculos sociais, aquele em que as pessoas confiavam para lamentar da vida e pedir ajuda. Louis estava mais para o amigo brincalhão que as pessoas chamavam para se divertir e desestressar, mas essa situação com o outro mexeu em alguma coisa dentro de si.  

Foi no impulso que ele se viu pegando um carro para o local da festa dos times quando já tinha passado tempo o suficiente para a comemoração estar em seu melhor estado. Ele queria se convencer que não, mas tinha uma vozinha em sua cabeça que acertava em dizer o motivo para ele querer ir até lá. Só tinha uma pessoa que ele precisava encontrar. 

IV

O lugar escolhido para a festa dessa vez tinha sido um clube noturno e o ambiente sensual e elegante recepcionou Louis muito bem assim que o rapaz passou pelos seguranças da porta. O auge da madrugada tinha chegado e havia muitos corpos suados e colados dançando alguma música eletrônica no centro do salão e era bonita a confusão de luzes roxas e azuis que piscavam para a euforia dos convidados.

O ambiente não era tão grande como da última vez, para a alegria do jogador, então Louis pensou que poderia conseguir uma melhor visão das pessoas que estavam ali se fosse para o mezanino observar de cima e quem sabe encontrar o que tanto estava procurando. Andou por entre as pessoas, se atrapalhando um pouco com o embalo dançante que elas seguiam e tropeçando em algumas pernas pelo caminho, passou sem realmente cumprimentar ninguém específico até chegar na escada que dava acesso ao espaço mais alto e aberto do salão. 

Não tinha nenhum jogo de luzes ali em cima, o que deixava o ambiente um tanto escuro e sufocante, mas dava para enxergar a presença de alguns grupos sentados nos sofás e mesas que rodeavam o local. Algumas risadas chegavam até seus ouvidos enquanto Louis se apoiava no metal preto que rodeava todo o mezanino e passava as orbes azuis por todos os rostos lá embaixo. Era frustrante não reconhecer os fios marrons em meio a tantas cabeças e mais chato ainda era perceber que com tantas luzes coloridas, o verde que ele veio buscar talvez tenha passado despercebido. 

Louis soltou um suspiro resignado e estava pronto para sair dali quando sentiu um arrepio correr pela espinha, daqueles que traz o sentimento de estar sendo observado. No entanto, o ponto principal no caso dele era que só tinha uma pessoa capaz de despertar a rigidez em seus músculos ao ponto dos punhos fecharem com força ao mesmo tempo em que traz moleza para as pernas, fazendo com que queiram ceder ao peso de apenas um olhar. 

Ele nem tinha certeza se a presença que sentia atrás de si era real mesmo ou apenas fruto dos muitos copos de cerveja que tomou antes de vir, mas foi só girar em seu próprio eixo que ficou claro. Um pouco tonto por finalmente ter toda a atenção que desejou daqueles olhos tão enervantes ao longo das últimas semanas, o moreno sentiu como se a consciência tivesse abandonado seu corpo ao que as próprias pernas se moveram para a frente até sentir duas mãos em sua cintura e ele finalmente respirou, nem lembrando em que momento seus pulmões resolveram prender o máximo de ar que era possível.

Diferente da primeira vez em que estiveram tão próximos, agora nenhuma palavra ousou sair de ambos os lábios, nem mesmo para provocar ou ofender. A tensão entre eles era cautelosa, os corações ainda receosos sobre tudo que tinha acontecido e sobre o que ainda poderia acontecer, apenas o mínimo som já poderia tornar tudo real. Eles ainda não estavam prontos para a realidade.

Apesar de toda a confusão mental, os corpos não escondiam a chama e necessidade correndo pelas veias e bombeando no peito. Louis não beijou Harry ali, estava contente em apenas ter para si o monopólio de toda a atenção do jogador. Harry não tirou as mãos da cintura firme do outro, mas sentia as pernas pesadas demais para fazer qualquer movimento diante daquele homem à sua frente.

Mas eles devem ter saído do torpor em algum momento porque instantes depois Louis se viu seguindo Harry para dentro de uma casa grande, bem arrumada e um tanto impessoal. Sua testa franziu um pouco e ele piscou os olhos mais uma vez ao subir a escada até o segundo andar, não lembrava em que momento decidiram sair da festa ou mesmo como chegaram ali, a única certeza era que aqueles móveis frios no quarto espaçoso que entravam definitivamente não eram seus. 

°°°°°

Harry sentia os dedos tremendo um pouco em nervosismo e seu estômago dava piruetas ao que deixou a porta do quarto fechar em um baque surdo. Talvez os drinques que tinha virado na festa tentando descontar a frustração por não achar os olhos azuis bonitos ali tenham lhe dado a coragem necessária para levar o outro ao seu lar, ou talvez as doses só tenham servido para ele esquecer da humilhação e desprezo que arrepiava sua pele com as lembranças no último mês.

Nublado por sentimentos conflitantes, o cérebro do cacheado só tinha a pretensão de sentir mais uma vez o que ele sentiu naquele dia. Era certo, ele foi desejado.. feliz. Pelo menos por um momento. 

Enquanto se aproximava do ser confuso em sua cama, era fácil notar como as emoções para ele também não eram muito claras. O maior ainda exalava uma energia de tensão nos músculos como da primeira vez, mas agora seu olhar transbordava contentamento e uma certa possessividade sempre que o verde encontra o azul. É desconcertante. 

O silêncio parecia dizer muito para eles e logo passou a ser mesclado com os sons de ofegos rápidos e sem ritmo. Harry beijava e mordia os lábios finos de Louis como se estivesse à deriva e aquela fosse sua salvação. A saliva escorrendo pelo canto dos lábios, os narizes se esbarrando enquanto eles tentavam ganhar mais profundidade do que era possível, nunca sendo suficiente. Os cabelos de Louis já estavam uma bagunça porque as mãos grandes de Harry não se contentavam em apalpar os músculos do braço e todo o tronco do outro, também tinham que reivindicar os fios castanhos para si.

Não demorou para as peças de roupas estarem jogadas pelo quarto e o lençol claro que compunha a cama ficar amarrotado, as pernas fortes de músculos torneados se embrenhavam em uma tentativa de fazer com que os membros rígidos entre elas não incomodassem tanto assim. Harry estava por cima e se sentia poderoso dessa forma, podendo ver e marcar cada pedacinho da pele bronzeada que seus dentes pudessem alcançar, se contentando e afastando a boca apenas quando via a cor irradiar o local. 

Louis tentou inverter as posições algumas vezes antes de desistir completamente e apenas aproveitar. Ele se sentia vulnerável de alguma forma essa noite, não sabendo se isso era reflexo da conversa com o amigo mais cedo, da inquietude do mês que passou ou simplesmente era o efeito que Harry Styles despertava em seu corpo. Mas foi assim que ele se viu completamente duro e ansioso por qualquer toque que o outro estivesse disposto a lhe dar. 

As mãos possessivas de Harry viajaram por todo o corpo quente do maior até se encontrarem no local que sabia que ele ia gostar, deixando uma sobre o pescoço que subia e descia tremulante em respirações rasas e a outra no membro grande que pulsava com aquelas saliências grossas aparentes por toda a extensão. Styles ainda não tinha decidido onde as veias lhe desconcertam mais, se nos braços fortes de Louis ou.. bem. 

Os gemidos saíam entre os beijos longos, mal era possível discernir qual dos dois tinha soltado e ainda assim Harry conseguia notar o brilho feroz que tomava conta da face de Tomlinson sempre que via o outro também tendo prazer ao lhe tocar. E ele não ficava para trás, na verdade sua posição tão maleável essa madrugada tinha uma certa malícia por trás, os corpos pareciam entender que cada um precisava que fosse exatamente assim daquela vez, como se houvesse uma necessidade implícita de acabar com algumas inseguranças que ainda permeavam suas mentes.

Mas enfim Harry conseguiu sentir dois dígitos roçarem em sua entrada enquanto  a própria mão ainda bombeava devagar o pau alheio, os dedos que queriam lhe penetrar estavam secos e a fricção era um tanto áspera, mas causava um certo arrepio satisfeito em sua nuca. Não querendo nada muito desconfortável, o menor olhou nos olhos do outro e separou os lábios, deslizando a língua rosada para fora em um convite que Louis entendeu muito bem. 

Logo os dedos tatuados foram inseridos na boca molhadinha e o cacheado revirou os olhos ao sentir sua garganta ser atingida com precisão. Não era necessário estocar os dedos ali se a intenção fosse apenas lubrificar, mas Louis não pôde resistir à face do outro enquanto levava dois dedos tão fundo naquela boquinha e quando se viu, já estava forçando o queixo alheio para cima e provando que ele podia aguentar ainda mais. O aperto que o menor deixou em seu pau antes de largar ele pesado sobre a barriga de Louis tinha sido apenas mais um incentivo.

Mesmo com apenas a lembrança do toque quente em sua extensão, Tomlinson só percebeu mesmo o que Harry pretendia quando sentiu seus lábios serem forçados a abrir ao que os dedos lambuzados com sua pré-porra se inseriam ali, reinvidicando o espaço como seu. 

Styles ainda deu um jeito de alinhar suas ereções enquanto colocava e tirava repetidamente os dedos daqueles lábios finos, por vezes passando os dígitos por toda a boca e queixo de Louis só para gemer manhoso com a visão, deixando o som sair entre os dedos grossos que lhe preenchiam. Esfregar os membros era tão gostoso e tão frustrante na mesma medida, porque ele queria mais contato, mais pressão e por mais tempo. Sempre iria querer. 

Foi quando Louis abandonou a cavidade quentinha em que seus dedos estavam e voltou a esgueirar a mão por entre as nádegas pálidas que Harry decidiu fazer o mesmo. Nada de se sentir usado essa noite, ele queria tudo. As pontinhas rodaram por algum tempo, espalhando saliva pelo local até que, um pouco temeroso pela brincadeira de espelho que o cacheado pareceu começar, Tomlinson penetrou as duas pontas de uma vez, contando com a sorte da excitação e saudade para que aquilo não fosse doloroso. 

Sentiu seus músculos retesarem assim que o cacheado espelhou a ação em si e viu os olhos dele brilharem em determinação. Era estranho como o inferno, mas ao mesmo tempo era alucinante e ele, sem pensar, acabou introduzindo cada vez mais centímetros até que sentiu a borda do cacheado no último nó dos seus dedos. Soltou a respiração que nem percebeu ter prendido e um gemido saiu sem aviso por entre os lábios, sentindo também em si o incômodo de ser preenchido pelos longos dedos do outro, ao passo em que Harry gemeu com um sorriso brilhante e todos os dentes à mostra. Ele parecia a porra de uma puta.

As estocadas começaram receosas e apenas gemidos e as respirações pesadas dominavam o quarto, não sendo necessária uma palavra para os corpos que já se entendiam tão bem. Logo a necessidade e euforia deslizavam por baixo das suas peles e ambos os quadris não se continham ao rebolar freneticamente, o pulso de Louis já estava dolorido pela posição enquanto tinha três dos seus dedos dentro do cacheado que ainda estava por cima e arrastava o próprio pau rubro e tenro sobre o membro do outro, não esquecendo nunca de estocar os dígitos com cada vez mais força entre a bunda redonda do maior. 

Os lábios estavam se mordendo e respirando juntos no pouco espaço que os distanciava quando Louis soltou um murmúrio de descontentamento, ficando confuso por um tempo sobre o motivo pelo qual seu cérebro tinha ficado chateado repentinamente até ele perceber que a entrada estava agora vazia e pulsando em torno de nada, mas não por muito tempo. Harry foi rápido em se posicionar melhor entre as pernas musculosas e bronzeadas do outro, agarrando a própria extensão pela base e direcionando a glande vermelha para a entradinha lambusada que piscava ansiosa. 

A agilidade de Louis não foi o suficiente para interromper, no entanto. Apenas se dando conta da audácia do cacheado quando um gemido dolorido rasgou sua garganta e suas pernas prenderam com força a cintura do outro homem. 

E como se isso tivesse despertado algo em si, a primeira palavra em, provavelmente, horas foi proferida.

– Filho da puta!

O aperto ao seu redor era no mínimo sufocante, tornando difícil pensar e até mesmo a respiração estava saindo rasa, como se os pulmões não conseguissem absorver todo o ar necessário. Harry usou todo o controle que tinha para tentar permanecer estático, sabendo muito bem como podia estar sendo doloroso para o outro, mas ainda conseguiu sorrir assim que aquelas palavras deixaram os lábios alheios.

Todo o esforço foi em vão, pois assim que seu queixo foi agarrado com uma força que deixou sua visão escura por um tempo, o quadril de Harry se movimentou involuntariamente. Ele descobriu essa inclinação a gostar de situações, digamos, mais agressivas com Louis, então o corpo parecia agir antes mesmo que ele conseguisse pensar. 

– Hoje você me surpreendeu, princesa. Não achei que tentaria me foder desse jeito, já que você gostou tanto quando a situação estava invertida.. Rhm – grunhiu com a estocada forte e certeira que recebeu assim que Harry ouviu sua fala.

– Eu a- eu acho melhor você, hm.., ficar bem mansinho hoje. O comando não é seu d-dessa vez. – a respiração e os gemidos que saíam pelos lábios gordinhos atrapalharam um pouco a intensidade com que o cacheado pretendia falar, o que o deixou um tanto irritado. 

Parecia que mesmo Louis estando embaixo ele ainda tinha controle do corpo do cacheado, de modo que Harry se perdia nas estocadas, sentindo aquele aperto em seu pau tão sensível e rezando para não se desmanchar em poucos minutos, e a irritação por reconhecer isso só o deixou ainda mais empenhado em arrancar a pose serena do outro. Por isso o menor passou a ir e vir com mais força e intensidade, mesmo que os movimentos saíssem erráticos algumas vezes, em outras ele acertava com louvor a próstata do outro jogador e se não fosse o cenho franzido e os arranhões que Louis deixava pelo seu peito, Harry até pensaria que ele realmente não estava afetado. 

Mas suas pernas, apesar de fortes, não estavam acostumadas com a intensidade de foder um cara, então logo os músculos estavam falhando e tremendo. Com medo de Louis aproveitar disso para tirar sua diversão momentânea, Harry conseguiu virá-los sem tirar sua extensão do local quentinho e apertado em que ela estava, sorrindo aliviado ao que pôde estender as pernas e ainda assim sentir seu pau tão bem abrigado. 

Louis soltou um palavrão baixinho ao notar que as mãos do outro em sua cintura não lhe deixariam desmontar dali tão cedo. Com as duas mãos sobre os mamilos marrons do homem deitado, Louis tomou impulso e passou a deslizar pela extensão de maneira intensa e ritmada, torcendo os biquinhos rígidos nas pontas dos dedos e admirando como o outro parecia desnorteado sempre que recebia algum estímulo mais forte. 

O pau de Louis balançava e batia no próprio umbigo a cada movimento e Harry não tinha a mínima vergonha de encarar a ponta gorda totalmente vermelha e brilhante, deixando um rastro molhado na pele lisa da barriga do outro sempre que encostava lá. A boca do cacheado estava aberta e soltava palavras desconexas e sons que ele sentiria vergonha mais tarde apesar de não conseguir impedir agora, seu pau começou a pulsar repetidamente mas alguma coisa estava segurando seu orgasmo e ele não conseguia entender. 

Tomlinson viu o outro homem começar a ficar cada vez mais agitado e audível, com uma feição dolorida, como se precisasse muito se libertar e o corpo não estivesse obedecendo, as pernas dele se debatendo no lençol e os olhos verdes aguados implorando por ajuda. Foi puro instinto quando Louis torceu mais uma vez um dos mamilos que ainda segurava e desferiu um tapa ardido no rosto de Harry. A pele se avermelhou instantaneamente e o cacheado gritou. O líquido quente escorrendo por sua entrada mostrou que sua ideia funcionou perfeitamente e o maior precisou apertar com força a própria base para não gozar também. Ainda não. 

Enquanto Harry respirava fundo e forçava os olhos a se abrirem depois de ter o orgasmo mais intenso da sua vida, sentiu uma respiração em seu ouvido e suas pernas serem abertas. Louis se posicionou entre elas e deslizou o pau na entradinha do cacheado, penetrando todos os centímetros sem nenhuma pausa, totalmente impaciente. O menor abriu os olhos e azul foi a primeira coisa que viu pela janela do quarto, o céu estava naquele estado entre se despedir do cinza da madrugada e dar saudação à luz do dia. Depois, o azul que apareceu em sua frente quando virou o rosto era bem mais intenso.

– Minha vez. – sentiu mais do que ouviu a voz do outro já que a fala se deu tão perto dos próprios lábios e em apenas um sussurro rouco. 

As estocadas começaram ao mesmo tempo em que Louis tomou os lábios inchados para si, forçando sua língua a desbravar todo o espaço e mal deixando o cacheado lhe beijar de volta. Louis era assim quando queria uma coisa, ele não se contentava com pequenas partes, queria a posse de tudo. 

Sua língua parecia foder a boca de Harry tão bem quanto seu pau na entrada dele, o ar era superestimado e ele não queria precisar parar para uma coisa tão superficial quanto respirar sendo que podia apenas devorar aquele homem o tempo inteiro. Mas o cacheado estava molinho e sensível demais, responsivo demais, manhoso demais.. e deixando Louis mal acostumado demais. 

Ele tinha essa coisa sobre sentir que conseguia ser muito bom para o parceiro ao ponto de o deixar desnorteado, e Harry levava isso a outro nível. Eles eram muito bons juntos, de fato. 

E após um choramingo com o seu nome saindo daquela boquinha que, para Louis, já era sua, não foi possível se segurar mais. Esporrou todo o interior de Harry, mordendo mais uma vez o lábio inferior que já estava quase roxo e o marcando, reivindicando.

Se jogou exausto ao lado do outro, sem ligar para o quanto estavam grudentos ou sujos, e apenas deixou a inconsciência lhe levar, aproveitando da respiração pesada próxima a si como um conforto e deixando os resquícios de prazer do orgasmo ondular pelos seus nervos.

V

Um latejar incessante na cabeça acordou Louis e assim que ele abriu os olhos ficou um tanto confuso com o quarto e a cama confortável onde havia dormido. A confusão, porém, durou segundos bastantes para ele relembrar com todas as células do corpo o que tinha acontecido na noite anterior, sentindo os pelos se eriçarem e o membro fisgar com a recordação. 

No entanto, ele estava sozinho na cama e não ouvia nenhum barulho no quarto inteiro, o cacheado provavelmente tinha acordado há um tempo dado o lençol já frio ao seu lado. Louis não se deixou abalar por isso, então apenas levantou como se estivesse em casa e abriu umas duas portas antes de finalmente encontrar o banheiro para ficar minimamente apresentável. Depois de vestido, desceu a escada lembrando como chegou confuso ontem, mas sem se arrepender nem por um minuto. 

À esquerda da sala de entrada ele ouviu uma voz melodiosa e não conteve sua curiosidade até entrar no local e dar de cara com uma senhora de cabelos grisalhos e com a aparência simpática montando uma mesa de café da manhã. Assim que passou pelo aro da porta, ela notou sua presença e deu um sorriso com a feição confusa.

– Oh, olá, querido! Você dormiu aqu- ah! Entendi. – soltou um risinho sem deixar que Louis a respondesse primeiro, já se ocupando em puxar uma cadeira para ele e lhe direcionar um olhar que seria impossível recusar.  – Vem, senta para o café. Se você estiver procurando o Harry, ele teve um telefonema cedo e saiu sem nem comer, acredita? Vocês, crianças, são sempre assim. 

– É.. Eu não, eu- eu não estava com o Harry desse jeito, sabe.. – como ele poderia explicar pra uma senhora tão gentil e aparentemente muito íntima do cacheado a relação totalmente conturbada deles sem ofendê-la?

– Não se preocupe, querido. Eu sei como vocês jovens são com essas "ficadas" hoje em dia, é assim que chama?! Enfim.. eu não preciso de explicações, pode ficar tranquilo. – Sorriu de uma maneira sincera mesmo com o olhar cuidadoso, era possível notar que apesar de tudo ela se preocupava com Harry. – Pode me chamar de Geórgia, você é o Louis, certo?

– Como..

– O meu menino pode ter deixado escapar alguma coisa vez ou outra, bobagem. – fez um gesto com as mãos como quem dizia "deixa pra lá", mas Louis só focou na parte em que Harry tinha comentado com outra pessoa sobre ele. Isso era.. interessante. – Só peço que não magoe ainda mais meu Hazz, entende? Ele já teve o suficiente por uma vida. 

– Mas é que-

– Gê! Bom dia! – um Harry sorridente entrando pela cozinha atrapalhou sua fala. O homem se direcionou até a funcionária e deu um abraço carinhoso, deixando um beijo sobre sua cabeça, e só então notou Louis ali sentado com uma xícara de café fumegante em mãos. – Ah, oi Louis. Não sabia que você ainda estava aqui.

O maior ainda não conhecia a personalidade de Harry o suficiente para dizer que o tom com que ele deixou essa última frase soou um tanto magoado, porém Louis não lembrava haver razão para isso, então apenas ignorou tal pensamento. 

– Na verdade eu estava só esperando você chegar.. – coçou a nuca um tanto sem jeito. – a gente pode conversar?

– Eu- na verdade eu não acho que seja necessário. – ele tomou uma respiração funda e desviou os olhos, completando em seguida sem nenhuma entonação. – nós dois somos adultos, foi consensual, é o que é. Aí! – Ele deu um pulinho no lugar e Tomlinson quis sorrir ao ver a mão de Geórgia sair da cintura do cacheado. Os dois trocaram um olhar enquanto Louis apenas observava a conversa silenciosa que apenas quem se conhece muito é capaz de ter.

Depois de uns segundos Harry soltou um suspiro longo e encarou Louis, a senhora deu um sorriso astuto e saiu sem falar mais nada.  

– Vem logo. – com um revirar de olhos, Harry tomou caminho rumo a uma parte ainda desconhecida para o outro, que logo percebeu estarem indo para um belo quintal. Não tinha nenhum funcionário por perto e o cacheado sentou em uma mesa sombreada que tinha ali, esperando com uma calma fingida o que Louis tinha a dizer. 

A questão é que ele não tinha ideia do que falar agora ao encarar os olhos verdes clareados pela luz do dia. Tomlinson ficou alguns segundos experimentando as palavras na boca, apenas para desistir e recomeçar uma tentativa após a outra, o que já estava deixando o outro homem sem paciência. 

– Olha, vamos só pular a parte em que você diz que a noite anterior não significou nada e que ninguém pode descobrir, ok? – Harry desandou a falar rápido, desistindo de esperar que o outro decidisse usar a própria voz ao invés de parecer um peixe fora d'água, abrindo e fechando os lábios. – Eu sei de tudo isso e concordo. Sua saída sorrateira da outra vez deixou muito claro o jeito como você lida com as coisas, então vamos só-

– Porque você não olhou para mim? – O maior deixou as palavras saírem pelos lábios junto a uma respiração estrangulada, e só notou que queria perguntar isso esse tempo todo quando as palavras já tinham soado no ambiente. – Você fingiu que eu não estava lá, que nada tinha acontecido. Você se recusou q me encarar, porra! Porque?

– O que? Eu- Você não estava lá, Tomlinson. Eu não precisei fingir uma ausência porque, advinha, eu estava sozinho! – Harry estava confuso de verdade e a sua respiração saía cada vez mais rápida enquanto ele tentava diminuir o tom de voz para não chamar ainda mais atenção dos funcionários. 

Os dois pares de olhos claros se encararam confusos e ressentidos. A comunicação não parecia ser fluida entre eles e muitos sentimentos contraditórios povoavam suas mentes. A diferença do ponto de vista, a sinceridade em cada palavra, a dor não tão explícita, mas ainda visível, a forma como eles enxergaram o que aconteceu.. Nada podia ser mais diferente, mesmo se tratando de uma única situação.

– Eu.. – respirou fundo. – Eu saí de lá porque percebi que você não queria lidar com minha presença no momento. Eu não iria aguentar essa rejeição depois de me sentir tão be- quer dizer, depois de tudo. – os olhos azuis estavam fixos na mesa entre eles. 

– Bom, então você imagina como eu me senti um merda quando abri os olhos e não tinha ninguém comigo. E-eu estava literalmente fodido e sozinho, realmente não foi nada legal. – O sorriso irônico que apareceu em sua face tentava desviar a  atenção dos olhos marejados, sem muito sucesso. 

– Eu não imaginei na hora..

– Deu pra perceber. 

O silêncio que se estendeu a partir dali foi angustiante. Ambos estavam confusos, magoados e ressentidos do próprio egoísmo. Não tinha muito o que falar no momento, o assunto era sensível demais e eles só precisavam refletir um pouco sozinhos.

Foi assim que Louis se viu dando um sorriso triste e saindo da grande casa após uma despedida estranha, tinha sua cabeça doendo e fervilhando em pensamentos, o coração palpitando da mesma forma. O cacheado não se ressentiu da saída dele dessa vez, precisava mesmo de um tempo pra colocar tudo no lugar, sua mente e emoções, e então tentar entender um outro lado dessa história. 

°°°°°

Horas.

Dias.

Semanas.

O tempo não parava de correr.

Nos primeiros dias Harry finalmente conseguiu entender o outro, apesar de não descartar a própria razão. Reconheceu que transar com uma pessoa e ver um possível arrependimento tão instantâneo deve ser mesmo dolorido e Louis não estava tão errado assim de ter saído antes de uma decepção maior. 

Mas seu ponto de vista também era válido, e Louis percebeu isso quase imediatamente após a conversa deles. O maior não tinha pensado por esse ângulo até sair dos lábios de Harry e quando se deu conta de como pareceu pro outro, se sentiu muito mal. Ele ficou tão focado na própria rejeição depois de se sentir tão certo com o outro que só de pensar que Harry poderia não ter sentido o mesmo… foi demais para suportar. Então ele nem cogitou a possibilidade de como Styles poderia se sentir usado e descartado ao se ver sozinho naquela sala.

Louis não era uma pessoa má, tampouco um amante egoísta. Ele se arrependeu amargamente de ter saído como saiu assim que as consequências ficaram claras em sua mente, mesmo reconhecendo e validando também seu ponto de vista. 

A vida não era preto no branco e tudo que acontece tem nuances que só enxergamos quando mudamos a perspectiva. O que não significa que a visão anterior estava errada ou algo do tipo, só resta aprender a lidar com as novas informações também. 

Após todo esse esclarecimento, as semanas que se seguiram revelaram algo muito importante: eles não pensavam um no outro apenas pelo mal entendido, senão isso teria acabado assim que entenderam o lado um do outro. Mas, pelo contrário, Louis continuou distraído nos treinos e sem conseguir sair com nenhuma outra pessoa, seus amigos estranharam e zoaram o fato até o moreno admitir que alguém estragou todas as outras para ele.

Harry já havia admitido sua derrota quando na terceira semana seguida àquela noite, ele continuou sonhando com um par de olhos azuis e acordava decepcionado por não ter aquele corpo quente ao seu lado. Se lamentou com Georgia por algumas horas certo dia até a senhora se cansar de ouvir sobre a mesma pessoa tantas vezes. Seu refúgio tinha se tornado ler as matérias que saíam com o nome Tomlinson na manchete, já que não tinha com quem conversar, nem tinha visto o homem novamente. 

O assunto sexualidade não passou por eles. Harry já tinha desabafado com a única pessoa que importava e Louis já tinha o apoio de toda a família sobre isso. Estava tudo normal em suas vidas, apenas precisavam superar aquela saudadezinha que doía no peito, uma saudade de algo que nunca tiveram. 

VI

– Vem Styles, o jogo já vai começar e não tem muita gente aqui, prometo. – a voz de Josh, um colega do futebol, soava pelo celular do cacheado, enquanto tentava convencê-lo de se juntar aos amigos em um bar próximo para assistir uma das partidas do campeonato. Por sorte, o Manchester United, seu time, já estava na semifinal, então ele não estava preocupado com essa parte.

– Cara, você é tão insistente! – deu um sorriso derrotado. – Chego em 20. – e desligou a ligação a tempo de ouvir os gritos na outra linha.

Seria bom pra ele distrair um pouco a cabeça, estava finalizando três meses desde o primeiro jogo da temporada e ele poderia espairecer e se divertir com os amigos de uma forma mais tranquila. Com a seriedade que eram os últimos jogos, as festas pós partida não eram mais tão badaladas, os jogadores que ainda estavam no campeonato preferindo descansar para o próximo jogo. Então o máximo que faziam era se juntar em algum pub mais discreto e sem movimento para tomar uma cerveja e torcer para os times mais "fracos" ganharem, o que traria mais chance de vitória para eles mesmos.

Harry chegou no local combinado, que não era tão longe do centro de treinamento deles em Londres, e se direcionou à mesa dos fundos em que reconheceu estarem sentados dois colegas do Manchester e um do Chelsea, a rivalidade realmente só ficava nos campos. Tinha um outro copo em frente a uma cadeira vazia, provavelmente o dono tinha saído para algum lugar e voltaria depois. 

Após cumprimentar todos da mesa e pedir sua própria cerveja, o menor sentou ao lado da cadeira vazia, olhando fixamente para o telão suspenso na parede e vendo os times cantarem o hino da Inglaterra. A cadeira ao seu lado foi puxada e um perfume amadeirado tomou conta dos seus sentidos, trazendo uma sensação de que conhecia aquele cheiro de algum lugar. Quando seus olhos desviaram da tela para o homem que havia chegado, Harry prendeu a respiração e sentiu as bochechas avermelharem.

Louis deu um sorriso mínimo, um tanto envergonhado, após sentar e tomar um gole longo da própria bebida. Era estranho encontrar o cacheado depois de tudo o que aconteceu entre eles, ficava difícil saber como agir. Ele nunca se sentiu assim antes e o revirar em seu estômago era prova disso.

Apesar desse impasse inicial, bastou o jogo começar para que eles ficassem agitados e barulhentos, pareciam velhos amigos comemorando ou discutindo a cada toque de bola. De alguma maneira eles acabavam sempre se tocando, as cadeiras pareciam mais juntas que no início e as mãos vira e mexe se esbarravam ou tocavam o braço do outro para comentar algum acontecimento. Os copos de cerveja se amontoavam pela mesa no decorrer da tarde e sorrisos esticavam os rostos, era como se as poucas pessoas na mesa deles e na parte externa do bar desaparecessem quando eles estavam se olhando, nada mais tinha foco. 

Quando o apito final consolidou o placar de dois a um para o time que teria que enfrentar o Chelsea na semifinal, o moreno colocou as mãos no rosto apesar de um sorriso brincalhão estampar sua face enquanto Harry zoava consigo apertando o braço envolta do seu ombro e bagunçando seus cabelos. O sorriso de covinhas era gigante e os olhos verdes brilhavam em apenas uma direção, e não era para os ganhadores da partida que ele estava olhando.

°°°°°

Louis chegou no vestiário no dia seguinte pronto para se preparar para o jogo tão importante que teria, precisava dar o seu melhor, por ele e pelo time. O dia anterior foi importante para estabelecer um novo recomeço com o outro jogador, eles não conversaram mais sobre o que passou, mas ficou implícito que estava tudo bem agora, haviam superado.  

No entanto, bastou entrar no local e ver o desgosto no rosto de alguns companheiros que ele notou ter algo errado. Dave, um dos colegas mais antigos ali, veio imediatamente em sua direção e o levou até os chuveiros e sem falar nenhuma palavra estendeu o celular em frente ao rosto de Tomlinson, estava aberto em uma página de fofoca como qualquer outra, mas o que chamava atenção era uma foto sua. Com Harry.

Franziu a testa ao reconhecer que a foto foi tirada no momento de comemoração do fim do jogo no dia anterior, o recorte não mostrava os outros amigos ao redor da mesa, só focava nos dois rivais sorrindo e muito próximos. Até aí não teria nenhum problema, se não fosse as outras imagens dos últimos jogos desses dois times, mostrando os momentos em que Louis e Harry perderam a bola ou cometeram algum erro em campo. Em uma dessas fotos Louis parecia irritado consigo mesmo e chutava o gramado. Em outra, Harry estava de joelhos com a mão no rosto e de cabeça baixa após perder um pênalti. 

"Até que ponto o profissionalismo vai? Estariam Styles e Tomlinson negligenciando o próprio talento no futebol por um romance escondido? Descubra como os dois jogadores rivais estão sendo medíocres em campo apenas para não enfrentar seu affair em uma final."

– Que porra? – A manchete era desonesta e nojenta, Louis estava tão chocado que não conseguiu pensar muito no que dizer para convencer seus colegas que aquilo não era verdade. 

– Ei, eu te conheço, cara.  Fica de boa, já já eles esquecem isso tá? Bora pra cima hoje e vai ficar tudo bem, não precisa explicar. – Dave tentou consolar o amigo mesmo sabendo que os outros não compartilhavam da mesma ideia. 

Louis não teve tempo para mais nada antes do treinador e técnico entrarem no ambiente, o aquecimento e instrução começou e ninguém mais tocou no assunto. Ele pensou que tudo seguiria normal, mas bem.. o pensamento só durou até o técnico vir até ele enquanto já estavam na fila para entrar em campo e retirar a faixa preta de capitão do seu braço. Não despejou nada mais do que um sorriso de desculpas antes de sair com a faixa e entregar para outro jogador. Então é isso, seu próprio time não confiava nele o suficiente para permanecer no posto. Ótimo. 

O clima do jogo foi sufocante, parecia que toda a arquibancada tinha visto a matéria e estavam duvidando do caráter da estrela do time, o que deixou Louis um tanto desnorteado durante os primeiros minutos. Mas ele ainda faria o trabalho dele mesmo que ninguém tivesse fé, então guardou as preocupações em um cantinho do cérebro e jogou como nunca. Não era como se ele estivesse tentando se provar para alguém, só que todos os olhares desconfiados sobre si lhe deixaram com um gás e uma determinação maior ainda. 

Não sabia se era a homofobia internalizada que fez seus parceiros de trabalho agirem daquela forma ou se foi pelo fato da notícia envolver um concorrente, e Louis só podia torcer para que Harry não tenha visto aquela palhaçada ainda ou que, pelo menos, esteja tudo bem. 

Placar final 2x2. Teriam que ir para os pênaltis. Dos 5 jogadores escolhidos, Louis seria o último a chutar. Os torcedores apreensivos, o técnico sem outra opção, e na cabeça do moreno só passava uma dúvida: ele provaria que todos estavam errados ao duvidar de si ou daria o desgosto que muitos estavam esperando?

A rede balançou seis vezes, cada time com três gols. O quarto jogador do Chelsea bateu na trave, mas o goleiro, por sua vez, equilibrou a situação conseguindo agarrar a bola adversária. Na quinta e última oportunidade, o jogador adversário chutou alto de mais. Seria agora ou nunca, Louis iria bater. 

°°°°°

Harry estava no estádio daquela vez. Como o próximo time classificado iria ser seu adversário na final, depois de ganharem a semi, todos os jogadores do Manchester United estavam juntos acompanhando o jogo da arquibancada. Ele tinha visto a notícia pouco antes de sair de casa e foi o caminho inteiro implorando para todos os deuses que Louis não tenha se desestabilizado com isso ou perdido o foco da partida. 

Em que momento passou a desejar que o outro se classificasse para a grande final, ele não sabia dizer. Mas ainda assim se pegou mais apreensivo pelo outro do que por si. 

Os colegas de time lhe lançavam olhares tortos cada vez que ele se empolgava um pouco mais durante o jogo, fazendo com que o cacheado tivesse que reprimir alguns gritos ao morder o próprio lábio e segurar firmemente o banco onde estava sentado para não levantar. No entanto, todo o controle que tinha conseguido não foi o suficiente para lhe segurar durante o pênalti que seria decisivo. Louis só precisava acertar aquela maldita bola na rede e foi impossível para Harry se manter calmo. 

Quando percebeu já estava em pé enquanto todos os jogadores que lhe faziam companhia permaneciam sentados, apesar de tensos. As mãos do cacheado revezavam entre ir para os lábios ou os fios chocolates, ora mordendo as unhas, ora puxando os cabelos. Ele não percebeu na hora, mas havia um paparazzi atrás de si e o ângulo permitia que o foco da lente estivesse totalmente sobre o cacheado, captando Louis posicionado ao fundo, e, além disso, a diferença entre a altura dele em pé e os colegas sentados daria muito para falarem. 

Os olhos verdes captaram o momento exato em que Louis deu um beijo no topo da bola, a posicionando no local marcado na grama, para logo depois dar alguns passos para trás. A chuteira branca bordada com o número 28 oscilava na visão das pessoas enquanto Louis dava uma corridinha sem sair do lugar. O apito soou e ele correu. Fingiu que ia chutar em uma direção e chutou em outra. Harry fechou os olhos. 

Só teve coragem de abrir as orbes e ver o resultado quando seu ouvido doeu pelos gritos da torcida completamente exaltada e seus músculos tremeram com a vibração da arquibancada. Como se tivessem ensaiado, Louis, dos ombros dos colegas e com um sorriso gigante no rosto, conseguiu lhe encontrar na multidão e o cacheado finalmente se permitiu sorrir.

O sorriso e o olhar que trocaram prometia um jogo disputado na final, uma competição acirrada, mas também exalava uma alegria por serem eles, ainda que de lados opostos. 

VII

A foto rodou todos os meios de comunicação e redes sociais possíveis, até os jornais em TV aberta decidiram confabular sobre o possível romance entre os jogadores, Styles e Tomlinson estavam estampados no cenário mundial com um alcance gigante dada a proporção em que chegaram na competição. Entretanto, eles não tinham se visto durante esse intervalo entre os finais de semana que separava o último jogo da grande final, também não tinham se comunicado por qualquer outro meio.  

Harry tinha recebido uma ligação dos pais poucos minutos após entrar no carro em direção à própria casa depois de assistir a semifinal, o tom de voz da mãe, sempre impessoal, não tinha mudado apesar das circunstâncias. A mulher gastou alguns poucos segundos para perguntar como estavam as coisas, mas não demorou a entrar no assunto que realmente a fez lembrar o contato do filho depois de, provavelmente, meses sem uma ligação decente. 

Desde criança o cacheado não guarda lembranças de ser muito próximo dos pais. Enquanto os colegas eram buscados na escolinha pela mãe ou pai e recebiam um abraço caloroso no portão de saída, Harry tinha que esperar algum carro com um motorista para pegá-lo, sempre foi assim. Essa logística só mudou com a chegada de Geórgia na casa da família, que viu como o garoto vivia solitário e sem atenção dos mais velhos, sempre ocupados demais para o próprio filho, e passou a dar todo o carinho e companhia que ele merecia e precisava. Nos próximos anos da infância e adolescência, o garotinho de cabelos encaracolados nem cogitava esperar a presença dos pais em algum evento ou reunião na escola, já sabia que era Geórgia quem viria lhe socorrer e estava bem com isso. 

“Então, é verdade?” – ela questionou sem qualquer entonação, não demonstrava nenhum sentimento, seja decepção ou acolhimento.

“E se for?” – Harry não se sentia corajoso, os olhos marejados e a respiração presa eram provas disso. Ele preferiu observar o trânsito lento enquanto o silêncio da mãe pesava em seus ouvidos. Quando tinha passado segundos suficientes para ele achar que a ligação tinha caído, continuou. – “Eu não tenho nada com o Louis, mãe. Mas só porque não depende apenas de mim.”

“Ahn.. certo, Harry. Eu preciso ir agora, se cuida filho.”

Depois de deixar o celular cair ao seu lado no banco, Harry não sabia como se sentir. Aliviado não era bem a palavra já que ela não demonstrou qualquer apoio, mas não estava necessariamente triste. Na verdade, ele percebeu que aquela ligação não tinha mudado em nada e não o faria chegar em casa chorando como ele pensava que seria assim que sua família descobrisse. Estava tudo normal. 

Assim que consolidou isso e passou pela porta da sua casa com um sorriso ameno, lembrou da frase que disse para a mãe: “Mas só porque não depende apenas de mim”, e parou de andar no meio da sala, encarando a parede contrária como se ali tivesse qualquer coisa minimamente interessante. Então era isso? Ele realmente não se importaria de entrar em um relacionamento com um homem? Quer dizer, não dá para enganar a si mesmo, ele não se importaria de estar num relacionamento com Louis. 

°°°°°

A grande final iria acontecer em algumas horas e todos os jogadores já estavam na concentração se preparando física e psicologicamente. O gol da vitória no outro final de semana fez com que os parceiros de time de Louis respirassem mais aliviados e com a certeza de que o colega jamais prejudicaria o próprio trabalho em prol do que ou de quem quer que seja. A faixa preta identificando o capitão voltou a apertar o braço tatuado de Tomlinson, deixando um calor reconfortante e prazeroso para ele no local. 

Louis não teve mais notícias de Harry e nem conseguiu entrar em contato, suas redes sociais sempre monitoradas o impedia de enviar qualquer mensagem para o outro antes do jogo decisivo porque isso poderia significar alguma manipulação do resultado e eles não precisavam de mais essa atenção negativa. A pressão já era muita naquele momento, então ele teria que esperar o campeonato acabar e os ânimos acalmarem para finalmente ir atrás do que queria. E ele sequer tentava enganar a própria mente para arranjar uma outra explicação para a pele arrepiada com determinadas lembranças ou para o coração acelerado e o estômago embrulhado só de pensar nele. Louis queria o cacheado e era impossível fingir que não. 

No momento em que entraram no gramado, tudo sumiu. Seu pensamento só estava preenchido pela gratidão por ter chegado até ali e pela determinação em dar o seu melhor. Assim que encarou os olhos ainda mais verdes que o campo, o apito soou e eles sentiram os corpos encherem com a adrenalina.

O suor banhava a pele pálida de Harry, suas pernas queriam tremer enquanto corria e dava a vida pelo próprio time, a cada posse da bola no próprio pé ou nas chuteiras dos companheiros ele sentia seu estômago revirar em ansiedade. Essa sensação sempre foi o porquê ele escolheu o futebol. Além de, obviamente, ser muito bom no que fazia, o frio na barriga antes de entrar em campo e a adrenalina durante toda a partida eram completamente recompensados ao final do jogo quando ele reconhecia ter feito o que estava ao seu alcance, Harry jogava com tudo que tinha, independentemente do resultado. 

E todo esse esforço ficou claro quando, finalizando os acréscimos do segundo tempo, o placar estava empatado. 1x1. O desespero evidente no olhar de ambos os técnicos e a torcida fazendo o estádio tremer com a euforia de um jogo tão acirrado, assim como deveria ser. Mais um resultado que seria decidido nos pênaltis, eles não poderiam vacilar agora, tinha muito em jogo: um título, uma taça, o auge das suas carreiras.

Dez jogadores escolhidos, entre eles seus respectivos capitães. Todos completamente determinados e focados em um único resultado, a vitória. O Manchester seria o primeiro a tentar marcar gol e Harry estava como o quarto da fila, na última posição estava o camisa 10 do time e o cacheado se sentiu um pouco mais aliviado por não estar no lugar do cara. De outro lado, Louis era o quinto jogador a bater, como de costume, pois o seu pênalti de esquerda era a melhor chance para o Chelsea. O moreno estava fazendo exercício de respiração para focar apenas em fazer um bom trabalho, esquecendo todos ao redor.

O primeiro jogador correu logo após a autorização do árbitro, mas talvez esse impulso impensado tenha custado muito. A bola caiu direto nas mãos do goleiro. Isso poderia desestimular todos os próximos a chutar, não era um bom começo para a moral do time, mas Styles tirou de si uma confiança que não existia e tentou incentivar os outros quatro na linha de frente.

O jogador do Chelsea deu uma parada antes de chutar, o que fez com que o goleiro antecipasse a jogada e fosse ao chão, oportunidade que o primeiro aproveitou muito bem. Goleiro no chão e bola na rede, a torcida comemorou como nunca. 

Era a vez de um dos melhores amigos de Harry e ele deixou um aperto de incentivo no ombro do rapaz, coisa que pareceu funcionar. A torcida vibrou antes mesmo dos jogadores perceberem o gol. O segundo e terceiro jogadores adversários conseguiram marcar no canto direito, mas o antecessor de Harry não deixou barato. Harry estava em desvantagem de um ponto quando se posicionou atrás da bola, se ele errasse agora não teria mais chance de ganhar. 

Respirou fundo e olhou nos olhos do goleiro. O cacheado não tinha a estratégia de olhar para um canto do gol e chutar no oposto, isso já era manjado pela maioria, então ele focava apenas em desestabilizar o goleiro olhando no fundo dos seus olhos como se nada temesse. O apito soou em seus ouvidos e ele permaneceu alguns segundos imóvel, a tensão era tanta que torcida se calou. Harry correu e chutou. A bola rodou quase que em câmera lenta para todos ali, a respiração falhou na garganta dos torcedores quando a bola raspou nos dedos do goleiro e entrou no canto superior esquerdo. A rede balançou e a torcida se tornou ensurdecedora. Harry finalmente pôde respirar. 

Não dava para saber se era o nervosismo pelos gritos de guerra que cercavam o local ou se o goleiro colega de Harry tinha ficado mais incentivado após a marcação do seu capitão, mas para a infelicidade do Chelsea, seu quarto jogador não teve sucesso como o quinto adversário. Louis teria que acertar, era a chance de um empate ou já era. 

Tomlinson beijou a bola no seu ritual costumeiro, deu passos para trás e soltou uma expiração longa ao esperar a autorização do árbitro. Quase que de imediato ao som do apito, ele correu e chutou, confiante. Não encarou outro lugar senão o goleiro caindo para a esquerda enquanto sua bola entrava com louvor no canto direito. 4x4, placar empatado. Teriam mais cinco rodadas então. 

A confiança dos jogadores agora estava mais firme, cada um sabendo da própria capacidade de ganhar. Então dizer que o jogo estava sendo um dos mais difíceis e disputados da história era até eufemismo. Começaram novamente os próximos cinco pênaltis com os jogadores na mesma ordem, no entanto o resultado não permaneceu o mesmo. 

Após Harry marcar e se posicionar ao lado dos colegas para dar apoio ao último jogador do time, só lhe restavam torcer para que ele acertasse e Tomlinson não, realização que foi um pouco agridoce para o menor. Infelizmente, o chute não teve força o suficiente e o goleiro do Chelsea conseguiu bater a bola para fora antes dela ultrapassar a linha do gol. Se Louis acertasse agora, o título seria deles. 

A pressão de estar nessa posição era terrível ao mesmo passo em que era revigorante. Se errasse teria que conviver com a decepção de milhares de pessoas em suas costas, mas se acertasse a gratidão de outras milhares o faria se sentir realmente bem. Bom.. ele não teria que lidar com a primeira opção e percebeu isso assim que terminou de fazer sua jogada e viu todos do time que estavam no banco invadir o gramado em sua direção. Ele olhou para a bola dentro do gol, depois desviou para os amigos pulando sobre suas costas e comemorando como nunca, mas seu olhar acabou encontrando um cacheado com lágrimas nos olhos e costas encurvadas. 

Louis estava feliz, óbvio, mas só conseguiu realmente aproveitar aquele sentimento quando Harry deu de ombros em sua direção e ofereceu um sorriso mínimo, reconhecendo o bom trabalho do outro e a vitória merecida. O espírito esportivo não tinha sumido, afinal. Ainda era possível ficar feliz com a conquista de quem se gosta, mesmo que não seja a sua também. 

VIII

A festa de comemoração estava sendo o ambiente mais barulhento e feliz que Harry já tinha posto os pés na vida. Litros e mais litros de champanhe eram jogados para o alto, molhando todos que estivessem por perto, os saltos e sapatos mais desconfortáveis faziam uma barreira próximo à parede, mostrando que os seus respectivos donos estavam se divertindo tanto que deixaram a classe de lado para aproveitar o momento. 

Harry chegou um tempo depois do usual, já que teve que passar em casa e ser consolado por Geórgia. Somente aquela mulher sabia o quanto o cacheado costumava ficar afetado com perdas desse tipo, e foi por isso, inclusive, que ela estranhou assim que ele passou pela porta da frente sem nenhuma lágrima manchando o rosto. A postura estava abatida, é claro, mas ela estava esperando algo pior. 

Ainda assim, acolheu seu menino nos braços como sempre fazia e sentaram juntos no sofá para comer besteira e assistir algo desinteressante na televisão por algumas horas. Eles não precisavam falar nada, o conforto e companhia já foi o suficiente para Harry recuperar pelo menos um pouco da sua energia e bom humor. Então, apenas depois de despedir-se da mais velha com um beijo no topo da cabeça e um abraço apertado, ele decidiu ir se arrumar. Tinha uma festa para comparecer.

O rapaz cumprimentou alguns conhecidos, ouviu inúmeros elogios à sua performance em campo, bebeu uns drinks e finalmente começou a procurar por Louis. Suas mãos estavam suando e a garganta estava seca quando finalmente encontrou a figura muito bem vestida parada em uma das saídas laterais do espaço em que a festa rolava. 

Ali o vento frio da madrugada bagunçava os fios da franja do moreno, mas sua blusa preta de manga longa e gola alta parecia fazer seu trabalho muito bem em mantê-lo aquecido. Louis estava de costas, sem prestar tanta atenção à sua volta e muito focado na paisagem de luzes da cidade em sua frente para reconhecer o barulho de passos atrás de si. 

– Parabéns pelo jogo de hoje, o resultado foi até que justo. – o maior ouviu o tom rouco proferir tais palavras de maneira calma e a forma como seu corpo reagiu ao reconhecer o dono da voz não deveria ser considerado normal. 

– Obriga– o agradecimento ficou preso na garganta quando ele virou na direção do outro e viu o que poderia ser considerado a versão mais bonita que já havia visto de um ser humano. Não, em verdade nada se compara ao próprio cacheado quando está chorando de prazer, mas o visual das coxas grossas apertadas em uma calça social branca e o tronco vestido em uma camisa de cetim vermelho sangue chegava bem próximo. – É.. você foi muito bem também, sabe disso. 

Eles ficaram se encarando em silêncio pelo o que poderia ser considerado uma eternidade, apenas sentindo as batidas ritmadas dos corações quase em sintonia, pulsando e exigindo que os anseios fossem atendidos. Louis olhava o ser em sua frente e queria ele para si, o tempo todo e completamente seu. Harry encarava o mais alto e se sentia completo, feliz como nunca esteve antes. 

– Você sairia comigo?

– Podemos ter um encontro?

Foi um pouco confuso quando dispararam as perguntas ao mesmo tempo, o que causou um sorriso digno de covinhas afundando as bochechas do cacheado e um Louis com ruguinhas ao redor dos belos olhos azuis. Eles não poderiam estar mais sintonizados. 

Epílogo

– Quero você olhando para mim, princesa. – deixou um tapa ardido na coxa do outro, por cima da calça social azul marinho que ele vestia. – Se você revirar esses lindos olhos verdes de novo eu vou te deixar assim, ouviu? – Louis proferiu em um tom duro antes de abrigar novamente toda aquela extensão rígida entre os lábios.

Eles estavam numa limusine em direção a festa de comemoração aos 118 anos do Chelsea, que ano após ano surpreendia cada vez mais a imprensa e os amantes do futebol com toda a dimensão do evento. As pessoas se comportavam como se estivessem em um desfile de gala, e o tapete vermelho que geralmente ficava em frente ao local realmente dava tal impressão. 

Era também por isso que Louis e Harry tinham escolhido chegar em grande estilo no carro luxuoso preto, com direito a motorista e champanhe lá atrás. Por sorte o automóvel era extenso o suficiente para a parte traseira, onde os passageiros estavam, ficar distante do painel fechado que os dividia da cabine do motorista. 

O trânsito em Londres já não ajudava em um dia normal, imagina em um dia de evento como esse. A cidade estava praticamente parada, os poucos resquícios de paciência sendo extremamente necessários a cada um que andava poucos metros num trânsito infernal apenas para frear segundos depois. Foi assim que Harry, um pouco risonho e leve pelas bolhas da bebida no paladar, acabou atiçando o outro jogador. Bastaram pequenos deslizes de mão pelas pernas fortes, alguns beijos molhados pelo pescoço alheio e num instante ele estava segurando gemidos manhosos e pressionando a nuca contra o estofado de couro. 

O conjunto social que vestia, junto à camisa branca por baixo, fazia o calor queimar sua pele e os olhos azuis em sua direção, desafiando ele a desviar o olhar, era enlouquecedor. Louis descia com os lábios sem se importar com a intensidade na maneira como chupava a glande rosada ou, ainda, com as linhas finas e vermelhas que sua barba deixava na púbis do cacheado. 

– Porra, Lou.. hm- eu amo tanto sua boca. – duas lágrimas gordas caíram em sequência pelos olhos de Harry, que não ousou desviar do homem em sua frente, de joelhos no chão do carro. – Eu preciso-ah! Amor, por.. por favor.

E Louis jamais negaria um pedido feito dessa forma, então tratou de forçar a própria garganta a engolir tudo o que podia, sentindo o peso conhecido em sua língua e o calor lhe povoar por dentro enquanto marcava a cintura pálida do outro com um aperto forte por baixo dos tecidos. 

O líquido pegajoso a esse momento já tinha um gosto comum e até apreciado, algo entre o sal e o vinagre, mas muito bem vindo. O maior engoliu como pôde, restando na língua apenas o fantasma do sabor para dividir com o outro que, de bom grado, abriu a boca para receber um dos melhores beijos que já havia experimentado. 

– Deixa eu te ajudar, amor? Vai ser rapidinho.. – Harry apalpou sem vergonha a ereção de Louis por cima da calça preta de tecido fino que ele usava. O terno também preto deixou seu homem tão sexy que foi impossível não aproveitar daqueles minutos de trânsito parado. Entretanto, deviam tomar cuidado para não serem ouvidos pelo motorista ou vistos apesar do vidro escuro. Por isso Louis não deixou o outro ajoelhar como ele mesmo tinha feito há poucos instantes. 

– Nós estamos quase chegando, não vai dar tempo.. Mas tá tudo bem, sim? Quando a festa acabar você me- Ei! – parou de falar quando Harry se pôs de joelhos no banco, abaixou a calça apenas o suficiente para deixar a bunda redondinha à mostra e apoiou as mãos no vidro que rapidamente embaçava. – O que você tá fazendo, Haz, ficou louco?

– Vem, me fode, rápido. – Louis não tinha a intenção de levar o comando a sério, mas sua mente não impediu que levasse a mão até o zíper e liberasse o membro grosso e rígido, se aproximando o bastante para arrepiar a pele pálida do outro. – Você não gozaria a tempo se eu te chupasse, mas tenho certeza que eu sou muito mais apertado e você vai - Isso, Hmm.. 

– Você sabe bem como me convencer não é? – sorriu contra a bochecha que ostentava uma covinha profunda e puxou o rosto de Harry em sua direção, deixando o queixo virado o suficiente para que os lábios pudessem se conectar e gemer em conjunto. – Olhos nos meus, querido. – sussurrou com a voz rouca enquanto deslizava o pau rígido na entradinha do outro.

Não foi muito difícil vencer a resistência porque Harry ainda estava um pouco aberto pelo sexo no banho antes de se arrumarem, então Louis rapidamente passou a estocar de maneira forte e precisa. Ele saía de maneira lenta e voltava com tudo, atingindo a próstata com as marteladas mais prazerosas que o menor já conheceu. A intenção era serem rápidos, não tinham tanto tempo disponível. 

A adrenalina de estarem praticamente visíveis, os gemidos que eram soprados em sua boca, os olhos verdes que reviravam e lutavam para não ceder ao peso das pálpebras, o aperto em seu membro sensível..  não tinha como segurar. Assim que o carro virou a esquina da Avenida na qual reconheceu o local da festa pelos flashes das câmeras que faziam luzes piscarem ao longe, Louis só precisou imaginar a face do cacheado exatamente como ele estava agora, entregue e fodido, completamente lindo, sendo estampada naquelas câmeras para o orgasmo lhe atingir de maneira intensa. Egoísmo ou privilégio, não sabia, mas agradeceu por aquela imagem ser apenas sua. 

– Deixa minha porra bem guardadinha, princesa. Não quero ver uma gota escorrendo quando a gente chegar em casa. – deixou um beijo na testa de Harry, que ainda estava um tanto desnorteado e com bochechas coradas.

E após fecharem mais uma vez os zíperes e botões, conferirem se estavam com os fios de cabelo no lugar certo e roupas sem muitos amassos, o moreno saiu pela porta da limusine e estendeu a mão para o outro jogador. Assim que Harry se pôs em pé ao seu lado, de mãos dadas e uma feição séria contrastando com a vermelhidão no rosto, muitas câmeras e microfones viraram na direção deles e uma série de flashes foram disparados. 

°°°°°

"Depois de 8 meses desde o primeiro rumor sobre o casal do futebol, finalmente o namoro foi oficializado. Tomlinson e Styles chegaram juntos à festa de comemoração dos 118 anos do Chelsea, uma revelação em grande estilo, não acham?

Confira agora as fotos desse momento revolucionário para o cenário do esporte inglês, com direito a mãos dadas e olhares apaixonados. Eu já estou shippando e vocês?"

Fim.

[stalkerofthegods]

Lady Artemis Straight to the point info 

Lady Artemis who is the light, and the arrow in the bow, and the bullet in a hunting gun, and the same string In a lyre and a bow. May we all praise the wise huntress, Who is gentle to young girls and the bringer of Swift death from her golden bow.

Herbs • Artemisia, plants that bloom under the moonlight, Cypress, Chamomile, thyme, Lavender, Mugwort (poisonous if used in large amounts and can irritate skin), Birch, Juniper (poisonous if used in large amounts and can irritate skin), Mint, Pine (poisonous if used in large amounts and can irritate skin), Sage, Thistle (poisonous if used in large amounts and can irritate skin), Yarrow (poisonous if used in large amounts and can irritate skin), Angelica (poisonous if used in large amounts and can irritate skin), Bay Laurel (poisonous if used in large amounts and can irritate skin), Coriander, Dill, amaranth, cannabis, cedar, cypress, daisy, date palm, hazel, mugwort, myrtle, ox-eye daisy, silver fir, willow, laurel trees, fir trees, Various nuts or nut trees, Asphodel, Wormwood, wild flowers, Tarragon

Animals• deer/stags, geese, wild dogs, fish, goats, bees, hounds, all animals (she is the creator of all Animals in some discriptons), Calydonian boar, partridges, guineafowls, lions or leopards, bees, bears especially, bulls 

Zodiac • Cancer, Sagittarius, and Scorpio 

Colors • Silver, green, blood red, moonlight silver, Yellow

Crystal• moonstone, Black jasper, Clear quarts, Opal, White or black pearls, Amethyst, Black tourmaline.

Symbols• quiver, hunting spears, a torch, and a lyre, deer 

Jewelry you can wear in their honor• You can veil, and wear a maternity outfit in her honor while giving birth. 

Diety of • Unmarried Girls, Girl Childhood, hunting, chastity, menstruation, fast and easy death in childbirth, nature, childbirth, wildlife, healing, sudden death, animals, lakes, springs, virginity, young women, archery, and the moon

Patron of • childbirth, and fertility (Virgin means unmarried when she got the title before the meaning of it today, she helped Apollo be born, which accords to fertility), lesbians, unmarried women, hunt, chastity, archery, and the wilds, she protects girls and women during childbirth, menstruation, the moon, Nursing infants, Maiden dances, Maiden song, nurses/doctors who help with childbirth

Offerings•  •Bows and arrows, Images of Artemis, Game meat, Amphiphontes (round cakes topped with tiny torches, These are likely a reference to the full moon. White-frosted cupcakes with white or silver candles may be a suitable substitute), Cakes, cookies, pastries shaped like animals (ex-particularly deer), Red wine, Red grape, popomegranate, cranberry juice, Honey, Luxurious clothing, Wildflowers, almonds, goats, Honey, Hunting tools, javelins, nets, traps, masks, flowers, animal bones, tusks, taxidermy, tusks, animal hides, clothing (your favorite clothing or a garment you bought specifically for her), Owl and quail feathers, your hair 

Devotional• Donate to childbirth charities, donate to young girl charities and programs,   Dancing, Herbalism, Donating woman and girl clothes, taking nature walks, enjoying nature, give her offerings at midnight, make arrows, devote your hunting (invoke her before and thank her after), have a feast of her favorite food in her honor

Ephithets & titles • ACRAEA/Akraia - given to various goddesses and gods whose temples were situated upon hills, AEGINAEA/Aiginaia - when she was worshipped at Sparta, AETO′LE/Aitôlê - when she was worshipped at Naupactus, AGORAEA/AGORAEUS/Agoraia/Agoraios - protectors of the assemblies of the people in the agora, AGRO′TERA/Agrotera - the huntress, ALPHAEA/ALPHEAEA/ALPHEIU′SA/Alphaia/Alpheaia/Alpheiousa - derived from the river god Alpheius, who loved her, AMARYNTHUS/Amarunthos - a hunter of Artemis, A′NGELOS/Angelos - when she was worshipped at Syracuse, APANCHO′MENE/Apanchomenê - the strangled goddess, ARICI′NA/Arikinê -from the town of Aricia in Latium, ARISTO/Aristô - the best, ASTRATEIA/Astrateia - she was believed to have stopped the progress of the Amazons, BRAURO′NIA/Braurônia - from the demos of Brauron in Attica, CALLISTE/Kallistê - when she was worshipped at Athens and Tegea, CARYA′TIS/Karuatis - from the town of Caryae in Laconia, CHITO′NE/Chitônê - represented as a huntress with her chiton girt up, CHRYSAOR/Chrusaôr - The god with the golden sword or arms, CNA′GIA/Knagia - derived from Cnageus, COLAENIS/Kolainis - from the Attic demos of Myrrhinus, CORDACA/Kordaka - derived from an indecent dance called kordac, performed in honour of the goddess after a victory,  CORYPHAEA/Koruphaia - the goddess who inhabits the summit of the mountain, CORYTHA′LLIA/Koruthallia - from Sparta, at whose festival of the Tithenidia, CRANAEA/Kranaia - derived from a temple on a hill near Elateia in Phocis, Kunthia and Kunthios - surnames respectively of Artemis and Apollo,  DAPHNAEA and DAPHNAEUS/Daphnaia and Daphnaios - surnames of Artemis and Apollo, DE′LIA and DE′LIUS/Dêlios and Dêlia or Dêlias - surnames of Apollo and Artemis, DELPHI′NIA/Delphinia -Artemis at Athens, DERRHIA′TIS/Derriatis -  derived from the town of Derrhion, 

EURY′NOME/Eurunomê - from Phiglea in Arcadia, GAME′LII/Gamêlioi theoi - the divinities protecting and presiding over marriage, GENETYLLIS/Genetullis - the protectress of births, HECAERGE/Hekaergê - a daughter of Boreas, who were believed to have introduced the worship of Artemis in Delos, HEGE′MONE/Hêgemonê - leader or ruler, HEMERE′SIA/Hêmerêsia - soothing goddess, HEURIPPE/Heurippa -  finder of horses, HY′MNIA/Humnia - when she was worshipped throughout Arcadia, IMBRA′IA/Imbrasia - surname of Artemi, ISSO′RIA/Issôria - derived from Mount Issorion, LA′PHRIA/Laphraia - surname of Artemis among the Calydonians, LEUCOPHRYNE/Leukophrunê - derived from the town of Leucophrys in Phrygia, LIME′NIA/LIMENI′TES/LIMENI′TIS, and LIMENO′SCOPUS/Limenia/Limenitês/Limenitis/Limenodkopos - the protector or superintendent of the harbour, LIMNAEA/LIMNE′TES/LIMNE′GENES/Limnaia/Limnêtês/Limnêgenês - inhabiting or born in a lake or marsh, LOCHEIA/Locheia - the protectress of women in childbed, LYCEIA/Lukeia - a surname of Artemis, LYCOA′TIS/Lukoatis - surname of Artemis, LYGODESMA/Lugodesma - surname of Artemis whose statue had been found by the brothers Astrabacus and Alopecus under a bush of willows, LYSIZO′NA/Lusizônê - the goddess who loosens the girdle, MELISSA/Melissa - alleviates the suffering of women in childbed, MUNY′CHIA/Mounuchia - derived from the Attic port-town of Munyhia, OENOA′TIS/Oinôatis - surname of Artemis, O′RTHIA/Orthia/Orthias/Orthôsia - regarded as the goddess of the moon, ORT′YGIA/Ortugia - derived from the island of Ortygia, PARTHE′NIA/Parthenia - the maiden, PHERAEA/Pheraia - surname of Artemis at Pherae in Thessaly, PHOEBE/Phoibê - regarded as the female Phoebus or sun, PHO′SPHORUS/Phôsphoros - occurs as a surname of several goddesses of light, PITANA′TIS/Pitanatis - derived from the little town of Pitana in Laconia, where she had a temple, SARO′NIS/Sarônis - surname of Artemis at Troezene, SARPEDO′NIA/Sarpêdonia - derived from cape Sarpedon in Cilicia, SOTEIRA/Sôteira - the saving goddess, TAU′RICA/DEA/hê Taurikê - the Taurian goddess, TAURIO′NE/TAURO/TAURO′POLOS/TAURO′POS/Tauriônê, Taurô/Tauropolo/Taurôpos - originally a designation of the Tauran goddess, 

THOANTEA - a surname of the Taurian Artemis, UPIS/Oupis - assisting women in child-birth, Αγροτερη/Agrotera - Of the Hunt, Δικτυνναια/Dictynnaea - Of the Hunting Nets, Φεραια/Pheraea - Of the Beasts, Ελαφιαια/Pheraea - Of the Deer, Δαφναιη/Daphnaiê - Of the Laurel-Tree, Κεδρεατις/Kedreatis - Of the Cedar-Tree, Καρυαι/Karyai - Of the Walnut-Tree, Καρυατις/Karyatis - Of the Walnut-Tree, Λιμναιη/Limnaiê - Of the Lake, Λιμνατις/Limnatis - Of the Lake, Ἑλεια/Hêleia - Of the Marshes, Ευρυνωμη/Eurynômê - Of Broad Pastures, Λυκειη/Lykeiê - Of the Wolves, Λευκοφρυηνη/Leukophruênê - Of the White-(Bird?), Παιδοτροφος/Paidotrophos - Nurse of Children, Φιλομειραξ/Philomeirax - Friend of Young Girls, Ορσιλοχια/Orsilokhia - Helper of Childbirth, Σελασφορος/Selasphoros - Light-Bringer, Φωσφορος/Phôsphoros - Light-Bringer, Σωτειρα/Sôteira - Saviour, Ἡμερασια/Hêmerasia - She who Soothes, Ὑμνιη/Hymniê - Of the Hymns, Ἡγεμονη/Hêgemonê - Leader (of Dance, Choir), Κορδαξ/Kordax - Of Cordax Dance, Αριστη/Aristê - Best and Excellent, Ευκλεια/Eukleia - Of Good Repute, Καλλιστη/Kallistê - Very Beautiful, Πατρωια/Patrôia - Of the Fathers or Ancestral, Βασιλεις/Basileis - Princess/Royal, Ἱερεια/Hiereia - Priestess, Πρωτοθρονιη/Prôtothroniê - Of the First Throne, Μουνυχια/Mounykhia - Of Munychia (Attica), Βραυρωνια/Braurônia - Of Brauron (Attica), Κορυφαια/Koryphaia - Of Mt Coryphus (Argos), Αιγιναιη/Aiginaiê - Of Aegina, Δερεατις/Dereatis - Of Dereum (Laconia), Αλφειαια/Alpheiaiai - Of Alpheus R. (Elis), Αλφειωσια/Alpheiôsia - Of Alpheus R. (Elis), Αλφειουση/Alpheiousê - Of Alpheus R. (Elis), Λυκοη/Lykoê - Of Lycoa (Arcadia), Σκιατις/Stymphalia - Of Scias (Arcadia), Στυμφαλια/Skiatis - Of Stymphalus (Arcadia), Κνακαλησια/Knakalêsia - Of Mt Cnacalus (Arcadia), Αιτωλη/Aitôlê - Of Aetolia, Αμαρυσιη/Amarysiê - Of Amarynthus (Euboea), Αμαρυνθια/Amarynthia - Of Amarynthus (Euboea), Φεραια/Pheraia - Of Pherae (Thessaly), Ροκκαια/Rhokkaia - Of Rhocca (Crete), Μυσια/Mysia - Of Mysia, Αστυρηνη/Astyrênê - Of Astyra (Troad), Κολοηνης/Koloênês - Of Coloe (Lydia), ��φεσια/Ephesia - Of Ephesus (Caria), Κινδυας/Kindyas - Of Cindya (Caria), Περγαια/Pergaia - Of Perge (Pamphylia), Σκυθια/Skythia - Of Scythia, Ταυρια/Tauria - Of Tauric Chersonese, Ταυροπολος/Tauropolos - Of Taurus-City (Scythia), Ιφιγενεια/Iphigeneia - Of Iphigenia (heroine), Σαρωνις/Sarônis - Of Saron (hero Argos), Κναγια/Knagia - Of Cnageus (hero Sparta), Ελαφιαια/Elaphiaia - Of Elaphius (hero Elis), Καλλιστω/Kallistô - Of Callisto (heroine Arcadia), Λαφρια/Laphria - Of Laphrus (hero Phocis), Σαρπεδωνια/Sarpedônia - Of Sarpedon (hero Lycia?), Προπυλαιη/Propylaiê - Of the Gate, Ορθια/Orthia - Of the Steep, Αγοραια/Agoraia - Of the Market-Place, Απανχομενη/Apankhomenê - Strangled Lady, Λυγοδεσμη/Lygodesmê - Willow-Bound, Αστρατεια/Astrateia - Stayed the Advance, Ἑυριππα/Heurippa - Horse-Finder, Πειθω/Peithô - Persuasive, Πυρωνια/Pyrônia - Of the Fire, Κολαινις/Kolainis - Hornless,

Docked (Animal), Κονδυλεατις/Kondyleatis - Of Knuckles? (kondylos), Λευκοφρυνη/Leukophrynê - White-Toad?, -Bird?, Κοκκωκη/Kokkôkê - Of Berry-Seed? (kokkos), Κνακεατις/Knakeatis - Of Wolves? (knêkias, knakias), Αναιιτις/Anaiitis - (Lydian Goddess?), Ισσωρια/Issôria - unkown, Νεμυδια/Nemydia - unkown, Πωτνια Θερων/Pôtnia Therôn - Queen of Beasts, Ποτνα Θεα/Potna Thea - Goddess Queen, Λητωις/Lêtôis - Daughter of Leto, Λατωια/Latôia - Daughter of Leto, Λητωιας/Lêtôias - Daughter of Leto, Ἑκατη/Hekatê - Far-Shooting, Ἑκατηβολος/Hekatêbolos - Far-Shooting,Ἑκαεργε/Hekaerge - Worker from Afar, Ιοχεαιρα/Iokheaira - Of Showering Arrows, Χρυσηλακατος/Khrysêlakatos - Of the Golden Distaff, Χρυσαλακατος/Khrysalakatos - With Shafts of Gold, Αγροτερα/Agrotera - Of the Hunt, Θηροσκοπος/Thêroskopos - Hunter of Wild Beasts, Ελαφηβολος/Elaphêbolos - Deer-Shooting, Χρυσηνιος/Khrysênios - Of the Golden Reins, Χρυσοθρονος/Khrysothronos - Of the Golden Throne, Ευστεφανος/Eustephanos - Well-Girdled/Sweet-Garlanded, Κελαδεινος/Keladeinos - Strong-Voiced, Κελαδεινη/Keladeinê - Lady of Clamours, Ἁγνη/Hagnê - Chaste/Pure, Παρθενος/Parthenos - Virgin/Maiden, Αιδοιος παρθενος/Aidoios Parthenos - Revered Virgin, Προστατηρια/Prostatêria - Standing Before/Guardian, Αρτεμισιον/Artemision - Temple of Artemis, Ταυροπολιον/Tauropolion - Temple of Taurian Artemis, Εφεσιον/Ephesion - Temple of Ephesian Artemis

Attedees• OKEANIDES Cloud-Nymphai (only 60 of the 3000), NAIADES Fresh-water Nymphai (only some), BRITOMARTIS Goddess of Nets, Apotheosed girl-companions (ex- Phylonoe, Polyboia, Iphigeneia, Oupis), Mortal hunting companions (ex- Kallisto, Hippolytos)

Equivalents (alike but not the same)• Diana (Roman), Selene (Greek), Artume (Etruscan), Flidais (Celtic), Skadi (Norse), Bendis (Thracian goddess), Bastet (Egyptian goddess), Perasia (Cappadocian goddess), Tauria (Taurian goddess)

Signs their reaching out• Sudden pull to research her, to hunt, suddenly meeting people hunting, being a girl group all of sudden, focusing on yourself and not sexuality. 

Vows/omans• being a sacred Virgin/unmarried forever 

Number• 6 

Morals• Morally dark.

Personality• Introverted and independent temperament, practical, adventurous, athletic, and prefers solitude, she loves hunting, she is focused. 

Home• Mount Olympus but does spend a lot of time in the forest. 

Mortal or immortal • Immortal

Facts• Artemis was both a hunter of wild animals and their protector, she helped Leto birth to Apollo (suggesting that she was already mentally developed in the wound.)

Curses• miscarriage, Stunted growth, Illness & disease, Sudden death, plague 

Blessings• Success in hunting, fishing, and fowling, Successful delivery, good health

Roots• She was first mentioned on 700 BC, by Hesiod, In the Theogony she was born on the island of Delos.

Parentage• Zeus and Leto 

Siblings• Apollo (twin brother and full sibling), Aeacus, Angelos, Aphrodite, Ares, Athena, Dionysus, Eileithyia, Enyo, Eris, Ersa, Hebe, Helen of Troy, Hephaestus, Heracles, Hermes, Minos, Pandia, Persephone, Perseus, Rhadamanthus, the Graces, the Horae, the Litae, the Muses and the Moirai.

Pet• Deers/Doe, they pull her chariot 

Appearance in astral or gen• usually depicted as a girl or young maiden with a hunting bow and quiver of arrows

Festivals • Mounukhia, Artemisia (6th June, Modern festival of Artemis where anything goes, celebrating freedom and modern inspiration),  Elaphebolia (6 Elaphebolion, March-April, Festival of Artemis the deer hunter), Kharisteria (6 Boedromion September-October, Festival of thanks to Artemis for Athen’s survival of the Persian assault at Marathon), Mounykhia (16 Mounykhion April-May, Festival of Artemis the light bringer), Philokhoria (Modern observance – Summer Solstice, A joint festival of Artemis and Apollo), Sixth (6th each month, Sacred to Artemis), Thargelia (6-7 Thargelion May-June, Birthday of Apollon and Artemis, first fruit offerings and purification festival)

Season • April and March

Day • Monday 

Secred places• Ephesus/Turkey, Island Delos, Aitolia in Greece, Greek Island Lykia in Anatolia

Status• Greek goddess, in the theoi.

Planet• Moon, (some also believe Venus.)

Her Tarot cards• the high priestess, the temperance card, and the page of wands

Scents/Inscene • Jasmine and lemon, mrryth, frankincense

Prayers• 

Prayer 1

Welcome beloved Artemis, our keen-eyed queen, I beg you hear me now. I pray you guide me that I might find the way. I pray you strengthen me that I might persevere along it. Make my discernment as yours that I might find worthy aims. Make my instinct as yours that I might seize worthy opportunities. Welcome sister of Apollo, golden huntress, we honor and thank you.

Prayer 2

Fleet-footed Artemis, keen-eyed daughter of Zeus and gentle Leto, sister of bright Apollo, we see your shadow in the woods, the curve of your bow, the flex of your arm, we hear the wind whisper as your arrows seek their mark–deadly your art, flawless your aim. Huntress you are, O Artemis, slayer of the stag and the boar, slayer of men and of women, death by your hand is death unforeseen. Maiden are you, goddess, and friend of maidens; ever-youthful one, your favor falls on the young, watching over young girls as they brave the world’s wonders, comforting the mother in the throes of her labor, keeping in your care the newborn babe. Artemis, shining maid of the wilderness, who takes pleasure in games, in contest and in merriment, who leads the nymphs in their carefree dance, whose clear voice we hear in the songs of young women and the hunter’s cry. Artemis, strong and tall, I praise and honor you.

3rd Prayer 

I praise bright Artemis, fair as the budding branch, fair as the spotted fawn, brave as the young bear. From crafty Hephaistos you took the artful bow, the sharp-barbed shafts; from father Zeus you claimed your calling. Far-shooting Artemis, through the thick of the darkened wood you make your way, trailing boar and hare, swiftly and silently, your aim ever flawless, ever kind.

Prayer 4

Artemis, light-bringer, mountain-dweller, graceful one who runs through thorn and thistle with never a scratch, goddess unparalleled, friend of mothers in their travels, friend of maidens, friend of the pretty nymphs, in old Arcadia you roamed the wilderness, in Tauris you took the blood of men, in Ephesus you wore the mural crown. The fire of youth is in you, goddess, the bold and valiant spirit that marks a child as yours. Free-hearted Artemis, worthy daughter of Leto, I honor you always.

5th Prayer

I praise you, Artemis, free-hearted child of Zeus and blessed Leto, courageous goddess who roams the wildwoods with silver bow at hand. Artemis of many names, Artemis of many lands, your temples stood shining and tall, in cities and in villages. In the long days of summer the maidens dance in your honor; in Brauron were the little she-bears under your care. Artemis, the mountains are yours to wander, fleet-footed and firm of step; the wilds of the world are dear to you, O guardian of wood and of beast. Goddess who takes joy in dance and song, companion of the laughing nymphs in all their play, of all young maids you are the swiftest and the strongest, the fairest and the first, in skill and grace the greatest.

Websites/sources in comments.

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Artemis who is the light, and the arrow in the bow, and the bullet in a hunting gun, and the same string In a lyre and a bow. May we all praise the wise huntress, Who is gentle to young girls and the bringer of Swift death from her golden bow.

———————-

Payment to my friend Bri https://www.tumblr.com/briislame

I use resources, I do not own the info, and most deep dives have UPG (that I use in my work.) And I only take some information from sources. I am 14, this is my hobby, I am learning but I spent many hours and days on this, and I am always open to criticism. I have been doing worship for 5 years. Please know you can use the info, I do not sue, but I will take action if this work is used without permission and not put as a resource if used in any work. without permisson and not put as a resource if used in any work, for the public.

[mugloversonly]

Full House

Written for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt: ALONE @steddiemas prompt: PINE wc: 830 rating: G CW: NA AO3 summary: Steve sits in his house and has many informative phone calls.

Steve sat on the couch with a cup of cocoa and watched the snow fall. He sighed wistfully as he wondered when his boyfriend would call. Being alone in the big stuffy house never felt great, but today it was worse. It was Christmas eve eve. Eddie only had one more show tonight then he was on his way back tomorrow, or at least, he planned to be. But with the thick layers of snow, he wasn’t so sure.

He sighed again, heart aching. Resolve kicked him into gear and he picked up the phone to call Robin.

“Dingus, you better not be calling me to pine after your boyfriend.” Robin said without an introduction.

“I’m not pining I’m lonely.” Steve whined. “I just miss him. I wonder what he’s doing right now.” Okay, so maybe he was pining.

“I know you miss him, you told me twenty minutes ago! Look, why don’t I come over? I know you’re waiting for him to call.” Robin offered, for the millionth time today. Steve smiled softly. She may be tired of his love-sickness, but she was never tired of him.

After he reassured her he was fine and they hung up, he was back to the window. This was ridiculous. He needed to snap out of it, they’ve only been a part for three weeks! If he can’t go this long without being sad and pitiful how is he going to go months?

He’s fine. He’ll be fine. He has to be, because if not, he can’t be with Eddie. He’s not going to be that guy who gets mad at Eddie for doing his job, especially when Steve is a huge fan of his job! He thought about this empty house, and tried not think about how similar it would be in LA.

Just then there was a trill as the phone rang. Steve jumped up to get it answering “Harrington residence.” Instead of Eddie’s voice, it was Robin’s.

“I can hear you freaking out from here, and I’m going to give you your gift early.” Robin said. Steve sat confused, they were seeing each other in a few days, why now? “It’s not a physical gift. Just good news.”

“What?” Steve asked, suddenly impatient.

“I got into UCLA.” Steve’s breath caught. He didn’t even know she applied. “For next semester. So, I’m moving to LA with you.” The phone slipped from his hand as joy filled his heart. His best friend was going with him? He wouldn’t have to do this alone!

He quickly picked the phone back up and shouted, “I didn’t even know you applied!” Robin screeched at him for yelling in her ear.

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to base your acceptance on if I would be there.” She explained. “Plus, I only applied a few weeks ago…” Robin trailed off. Steve smirked. A few weeks ago, Chrissy asked Robin out on a date when they come back from tour.

“Now who’s packing the U-haul?” Steve joked. He could practically feel Robin roll her eyes.

“Whatever lover boy. I didn’t want you to be alone!” They excitedly talked about the school and classes before there was the sound telling Steve there was a call waiting.

“I gotta go, Rob. I think it’s Eddie.” They quickly said their goodbyes and Steve switched the call.

“Hello, Harrington Residence.” Steve said and was blessed by Eddie’s laughter.

“I can’t believe you answer the phone like that every time.” He said. Normally, Steve would react with a laugh, but today he was too excited.

“Robin’s going to UCLA!” He shouted. Eddie knew how close the two were so, Steve hopped he’d understand his excitement.

“She told you already?” He asked, somewhat disappointed. “I wanted to be there when she did.” Wait...what?

“You knew?! What the hell! Why’d she tell you first?” Steve tried not to be offended, but Robin was his best friend.

“She wanted to ask me what apartments were close, that’s all.” Eddie soothed. “She wanted to have everything in place so that you wouldn’t worry about her since it’s so close to move in time.”

“And where is she staying?” Steve asked. He was staying in one of Eddie’s spare rooms. They had different styles, and while they’d likely share a bed every night, they both needed their own space.

“In the pool house.” Eddie said nonchalantly. Steve furrowed his brows.

“Pool house where?” He asked. Eddie chuckled softly.

“My pool house, Stevie. She’ll be right across the yard.” Tears burst to his eyes and ran down his face.

“So?” He asked quietly.

“Wayne has the master, you have the second bedroom, I have the third, and Robin has the pool house.” Eddie explained. Steve didn’t know Wayne was living with them too, though he should have checked. “It’ll be a full house, is that okay?”

“That���s perfect, baby.” Steve whispered. Though Steve is alone in his parents’ house, he doesn’t feel lonely anymore.

tags

@katyawriteswhump

buy me a coffee

[astra-ravana]

Working With Vepar

The Tempest's Whisper

Enn: "On Ca Vepar Ag Na"

Rank: Duchess

Colors: Green, teal, blue, yellow, black

Herbs: Mugwort, mandrake, lotus, water lily, sandalwood, jasmine, rose, palo santo, datura, bergamot, white pine, yarrow, albizia, butterfly pea flower, sycamore, marshmallow, cabbage, lemon balm, nightshade, dittany of Crete, hibiscus, ivy, lobelia, black copal, rowan, blackberry, balm of Gilead, aloe

Crystals: Chrysocolla, turquoise, larimar, amazonite, apatite, blue tiger's eye, serpentine, malachite, lazulite, blue chalcedony, prehnite, black amethyst, iolite, aquamarine, sapphire, blue kyanite, quartz en hydro, yellow jade, bumblebee bee jasper, black agate

Element: Water

Planet: Neptune, Venus

Zodiac: Pisces (Taurus)

Metal: Copper, tin

Tarot: Knight of Cups, 7 of Pentacles

Dates: May 11th - 21st

Day: Friday

Direction: North

Animals: Snakes, predatory fish, octopi

Domains: Deep, dark water, destruction, discord, upheaval, decay, overwhelm, descent, healing, safe passage, navigation, shelter, strategic thinking, cunning, masterful plots, great ideas, sea/water magick, storm magick, baneful magick, divination, predicting the weather, weather magick, magickal waters, herbalism, biology/ecosystems

Offerings: Water from nature, herbs, mermaids, driftwood, compasses, spyglasses and other navigation tools, sea/lake/pond associated items, blood, fish, caviar

Sigil:

[kazumist]

TAKE A CHANCE WITH ME .ᐟ ( a childe x fem!reader smau )

synopsis: just two best friends since childhood, and a high school graduation arriving too soon for their liking. but what is actually your relationship with childe—if not 7 years of unsaid feelings?

started on: 06/17/23 | ended on: tba.

genres: FILIPINO SMAU (more like taglish tbh), high school!au, modern!au, childhood best friends to lovers, mutual pining, fluff, angst, comedy, profanities and kys jokes, reader is lowkey bad at feelings, childe is a pining idiot, puro katarantaduhan ko lng to, other ships might be implied or stated, CHILDE TORPE REAL, socmed with narrations !!

note: inspired by the movie "i'm drunk, i love you". (🖋️) means the ep has narrations

taglist: open! reply under here or send me an ask to be included

playlist: soundtrip para sa katorpehan niyo ni childe

STARRING: scara unmute mo na kami

EPISODES:

യ 01. partners in crime

യ 02. raincheck

യ 03. mcdo with feelings

യ 04. spotify shenanigans

യ 05. their own thing (🖋️)

യ 06. lowkey bagay kayo

യ 07. anaheim

യ 08. may mali ba?

യ 09. i know

യ 10. maybe, maybe

യ 11. back to normal

യ 12. by pair

യ 13. ulan na may onting meet up

യ 14. sakitin

യ 15. emergencies

യ 16. friendly date

യ 17. lagi't lagi

യ 18. anaheim part two

യ 19. gandang bungad

യ 20. ano ba talaga?

AND MORE TO COME . . .

EXTRAS:

യ 01. huxiao dump

[julihlaufey]

Um Dia Chuvoso em Gravity Falls (Stanford Pines x Você)

Stanley levou as crianças para buscarem uma pizza. E naquela noite chuvosa, você e Ford enxergaram ali uma oportunidade de aproveitar a cabana silenciosa e a companhia um do outro.

Aviso: Personagem com pronomes femininos, referindo-se como "a garota". Corpo não especificado.

Baseado no nosso querido Swooning Over Stans.

-----------------------------------------------------

Gravity Falls tinha um serviço de delivery para pizza. E claro, em uma tempestade, ele não funciona.

A garota olha para fora da janela, observando as gotas de água batendo com força no vidro. As árvores estavam agitadas e a floresta parecia muito mais perigosa agora, do que quando gnomos tentam te sequestrar. — A chuva parece estar ficando mais forte... - Comentou, ainda distraída.

— E eu não sei se confio em Stan no volante.

Stanford riu e ela se virou, vendo-o chegar na sala com uma bandeja com duas xícaras e um bule. — Eu espero que ele esteja sendo no mínimo descente.

Ela sorriu levemente, tentando afastar o arrepio que a ideia de Stan dirigindo com crianças sob a tempestade causava. Stanford, por outro lado, parecia tranquilo, até mesmo à vontade com a situação.

Ele pousou a bandeja sobre a mesa de centro e serviu as duas xícaras com cuidado, já acostumado com o irmão. Stan era imprudente, não podia negar. Mas preferia acreditar que o amor pelas crianças era maior do que ele tinha pela própria vida.

— Não que ele tenha muitas escolhas, né? O serviço de delivery da cidade é praticamente uma lenda urbana. Se não tivesse visto nada ainda, acreditaria mais nos gnomos do que nisso. — Ele disse.

Em sua época de pesquisador, Ford já teve muita dependência do sistema de delivery local. E quando ele não funcionava, passava a noite sem comer por se recusar a sair da cabana.

Ele se aproximou, passando uma das xícaras para a garota, seus dedos roçando os dela por um breve instante, fazendo com que uma corrente elétrica os dominasse, mais forte do que os raios do lado de fora. — É camomila. Aposto que vai te acalmar.

Ela pegou a xícara, com um sorriso tímido no rosto, sentindo o calor e o aroma suave da bebida, uma mistura que parecia apropriada para uma noite de tempestade.

— Obrigada. — Respondeu baixinho, olhando para Ford. — Ainda me surpreendo como você consegue achar graça dessas situações, mesmo depois de tudo.

Stanford deu de ombros, um brilho de familiaridade e curiosidade no olhar. Seu corpo parou atrás do dela, olhando janela fora. Seu corpo emanava calor, passando seu braço pelas costas da mesma, pousando sua mão em sua cintura.

— E ainda me surpreendo com o modo que você se adapta a cada nova peculiaridade daqui. — Ele replicou. — Quem diria que alguém de fora teria coragem de encarar até uma tempestade no meio dessa floresta.

Ela riu, puxando o corpo dele para mais perto para se aquecer melhor, enquanto a luz da sala os envolvia em um ambiente aconchegante e seguro, mesmo com o caos lá fora.

— Acho que depois de ter o carro atingido por um letreiro gigante, eu aprendi que Gravity Falls não é como lá fora. - Brincou, com o tom de humor, fazendo com que Ford risse próximo ao seu ouvido, depositando um beijo carinhoso em seu pescoço.

— Você nunca vai me perdoar por isso, não é? A garota riu, balançando a cabeça e retomando o assunto inicial.

— Bem... talvez eu só tenha me acostumado com o estranho. — Respondeu, os olhos vagando para a janela. — Ou talvez seja porque… Eu sinto que estou com a pessoa certa pra lidar com isso.

A última frase saiu mais sincera do que esperava, e ela prendeu a respiração, percebendo o peso daquela admissão. Stanford ficou em silêncio por um momento, os olhos gentis pousados nela.

Ele então inclinou a cabeça, um leve sorriso no rosto, e disse:

— Nesse caso,

Gravity Falls tinha um serviço de delivery para pizza. E claro, em uma tempestade, ele não funciona.

 A garota olha para fora da janela, observando as gotas de água batendo com força no vidro. As árvores estavam agitadas e a floresta parecia muito mais perigosa agora, do que quando gnomos tentam te sequestrar.

— A chuva parece estar ficando mais forte... - Comentou, ainda distraída. — E eu não sei se confio em Stan no volante.

 Stanford riu e ela se virou, vendo-o chegar na sala com uma bandeja com duas xícaras e um bule. — Eu espero que ele esteja sendo no mínimo descente.

 Ela sorriu levemente, tentando afastar o arrepio que a ideia de Stan dirigindo com crianças sob a tempestade causava. Stanford, por outro lado, parecia tranquilo, até mesmo à vontade com a situação. Ele pousou a bandeja sobre a mesa de centro e serviu as duas xícaras com cuidado, já acostumado com o irmão. Stan era imprudente, não podia negar. Mas preferia acreditar que o amor pelas crianças era maior do que ele tinha pela própria vida.

— Não que ele tenha muitas escolhas, né? O serviço de delivery da cidade é praticamente uma lenda urbana. Se não tivesse visto nada ainda, acreditaria mais nos gnomos do que nisso. —  Ele disse. Em sua época de pesquisador, Ford já tinha dependido muito do sistema de delivery do local. E quando ele não funcionava, passava a noite sem comer por se recusar a sair da cabana.

 Ele se aproximou, passando uma das xícaras para a garota, seus dedos roçando os dela por um breve instante, fazendo com que uma corrente elétrica os dominasse, mais forte do que os raios do lado de fora. — É camomila. Aposto que vai te acalmar.

 Ela pegou a xícara, com um sorriso tímido no rosto, sentindo o calor e o aroma suave da bebida, uma mistura que parecia apropriada para uma noite de tempestade.

— Obrigada. — Respondeu baixinho, olhando para Ford. — Ainda me surpreendo como você consegue achar graça dessas situações, mesmo depois de tudo.

Stanford deu de ombros, um brilho de familiaridade e curiosidade no olhar. Seu corpo parou atrás do dela, olhando janela fora. Seu corpo emanava calor, passando seu braço pelas costas da mesma, pousando sua mão em sua cintura.

— E ainda me surpreendo com o modo que você se adapta a cada nova peculiaridade daqui. —  Ele replicou. — Quem diria que alguém de fora teria coragem de encarar até uma tempestade no meio dessa floresta.

Ela riu, puxando o corpo dele para mais perto para se aquecer melhor, enquanto a luz da sala os envolvia em um ambiente aconchegante e seguro, mesmo com o caos lá fora.

— Acho que depois de ter o carro atingido por um letreiro gigante, eu aprendi que Gravity Falls não é como lá fora. - Brincou, com o tom de humor, fazendo com que Ford risse próximo ao seu ouvido, depositando um beijo carinhoso em seu pescoço. — Você nunca vai me perdoar por isso, não é?

 A garota riu, balançando a cabeça e retomando o assunto inicial. — Bem... talvez eu só tenha me acostumado com o estranho. — Respondeu, os olhos vagando para a janela. — Ou talvez seja porque…  Eu sinto que estou com a pessoa certa pra lidar com isso.

 A última frase saiu mais sincera do que esperava, e ela prendeu a respiração, percebendo o peso daquela admissão. Stanford ficou em silêncio por um momento, os olhos gentis pousados nela.

Ele então inclinou a cabeça, um leve sorriso no rosto, e disse:

— Nesse caso, espero não te decepcionar.

[scramboileditlog]

Had my first cup of coffee since August! Lumakas na yung loob ko kagabi magkape ulit simula nung naospital ako nung August nung tumaas ng malala bpm ko. Di ko alam kung placebo lang dahil alam ko nag-take ako ng caffeine pero na-anxiety ako after. 😂

Went to Pine Valley last night, another hidden gem in Tagaytay. The way to get there won't let you imagine that such a place exist. May resto sa loob yung 9001 Kitchen and coffee shop itong Patio Espresso. Maluwag yung place tapos may malaking fountain sa gitna. Medyo hit or miss nga lang ata yung pasta sa Patio Espresso according to my friends pero yung coffee masarap pati itong Biscoff Crunch Cheesecake. Overall, cozy yung experience. Would I recommend? Yes!

[mins-fins]

a day for love !

"so…what are we exactly?" "mortal enemies". "oh".

synopsis: zhong chenle has too much on his hands, with his musical education studies and being apart of the NCT U student body and basketball team, he has no time for any distractions, but then he meets you, cocky, flirtatious, attractive you, core member of the NCT U fencing team. he's immediately put off, taken aback my your self absorbency and sky high confidence, he finds it annoying, how you never take anything seriously. zhong chenle does not like you, he hates the way you always have his face red, how you make his legs feel weak, how you continue to run through his mind even when he's trying to not think about you. you're so annoying, and he's carrying that sentiment to his grave, he swears.

pairing: zhong chenle x male!reader

genre: university au, strangers to lovers, annoyed (chenle) x annoying (reader), fluff, crack/comedy, again no angst, lowkey fast burn(?), pining pining pining, chenle's in denial the whole time 😭, just super unserious, angry love confessions (kinda), many many other idol cameos, ft. na jaemin the instigator (and also kinda lee heeseung)

warnings: swearing, sexual jokes, mentions of sexy time, threats against your life in like a romantic way, mentions of drinking, lots of back and forth between our main leads, chenle being the stubbornest person ever

word count: 15k

notes: heyyyy… heyyyy…😇 so this is another draft from march that i abandoned for a good few months before finally getting up off my ass and finishing it, im not going to lie, it could've been much better writing wise, the thing that carries this work is the dynamic between chenle & reader which was soooo fun to write because i loosely based it off a dynamic between my irl friends 😭😭 this was originally supposed to come out in may at best BUT.. a lot happened, this is a birthday gift for the one and only user junjiie (take a shot everytime i mention jj in a note) the silliest, my bsf ever, and the person who i constantly attack with unsolicited spoilers! i apologize jj 😓 he listened to all my insane rants about this thing and i always have to thank him bc he's always interested!! happy birthday jj i love you sm 😿 again named after a yukika song, i have a pattern

IF CHENLE IS ANYTHING THESE DAYS, IT'S ANNOYED. it's already annoying enough that he's practically been worked to death this week, given no breaks by the student body or his coach, but now jaemin has decided to drag him away from his work to watch some stupid match between people he doesn't know. now, chenle isn't the kind of person who likes working on friday evenings, but this friday is different, because he genuinely has so much to do and has no time for distractions of any sort. just the sight of jaemin barging into his dorm was enough to make him and sigh and roll his eyes. it wasn't just that, but it was also his insistent begging for chenle to accompany him to his friends little competition, a friend he doesn't even know to begin with.

chenle isn't just annoyed, he's pissed off, his head hurts and there are so many people talking around him. he's currently overwhelmed with thoughts because he has an assignment to turn in soon and because he's standing here looking after jaemin's stuff, even more pissed because jaemin said he'd only be gone a few minutes.

it's been ten minutes, and jaemin is nowhere to be seen.

the moment jaemin appears, chenle swears he's going to punch him in the face. he crosses his arms and lets out his fifth exasperated sigh of the entire hour, a displeased look makes itself apparent in his eyes, what even is this anyway? some dumb fencing competition? chenle doesn't care about this, or about jaemin's friend that he hasn't met yet. at this point, chenle doesn't even want to meet this friend, he's frustrated.

and yeah, maybe it's stupid of him to be dumping all of his frustrations on this friend he hasn't met yet, but he's sleep deprived, and he wants a cup of coffee.

standing around and waiting for jaemin has become boring, so chenle has begun to scour his surroundings. the banners above display your usual school spirit words, all of them talking about beating the other school or something, he hears the people above him conversing about the upcoming competition, making bets on which fighter they think is gonna win.

it's enough to make chenle snicker, they're betting on this like it's a boxing match, it's just dudes fencing, it truly cannot be that serious.

"all this shit for some dumb fencing competition?"

"well, what crawled up your ass today?"

chenle startles when you seem to come out of nowhere, but his momentary fear immediately becomes annoyance once again as he notices your tone of voice. what is he getting an attitude for? chenle doesn't like you already.

"nothing, where the hell did you even come from?"

chenle looks you up and down, taking in your features. you have bewitching eyes, they're a beautiful shade of light brown, your tall, much taller than chenle, your hair falls prettily around your face, a pretty butterfly necklace adorns your neck (chenle has no idea why he's staring there), and your wearing a varsity jacket, the letters NCT U printed on the side.

ah, so he's an athlete. somehow, chenle doesn't put two and two together, or maybe he isn't exactly thinking about that, just annoyed by your audacity.

"i was just.. observing" you respond, shoving your hands into your pockets as you let a small hum leave your lips. "what's with the fencing hate? i don't think it's that bad.."

"your probably saying that because you're a fencer yourself".

a snort. "well— you caught me there".

chenle raises an eyebrow, now your tone confuses him. what is this guy getting at? he can't read you, and he doesn't really like it.

"i'm not even supposed to be here, i have work to do, but now i'm here looking after jaemin's stuff while he's doing who knows what because i agreed to come watch him support his friend!"

"well there's no need to yell.."

chenle glares at you, a certain distaste in his eyes he doesn't think he could replicate with anyone else, but you do sound kinda unreasonable, so he takes a deep breath. "yeah, sorry".

"it's alright".

there's a silence. chenle doesn't know what kind of conversation this is, he's not the kind of person to just interact with strangers like this, he usually doesn't like having conversations with strangers, but he doesn't want to stop this conversation..for some reason. you intrigue him, so he begins again.

"NCT U fencing? i didn't know our school had a fencing team.."

"maybe you just aren't around much, we are the stars of the show after all".

your words make chenle scoff, a small raise of his eyebrow accompanying it. he crosses his arms and examines your varsity jacket once more, then narrows his eyes. wow, what a high ego. "stars of the show? isn't that a little cocky of you to say?"

"cocky? tell that to my fifteen medals" you reply, and that gets an eye roll out of chenle. "and those are just college medals" you whisper, leaning closer.

chenle somehow gets frozen in his spot, not moving back, leaving the two of you with your faces almost pressed together. if he wasn't speechless right now, he would've pushed you away, but your breath fanning against his face and your sudden closeness makes him feel dizzy.

he stares, and he stares for a while. he allows for his eyes to roam your face, and they instinctively fall down to your lips, your lips which just look so tempting.

what the fuck? you don't even know the guy chenle! why are you thinking about kissing him?

"wow, you must be quite the impressive fencer, then".

his words are meant to come off as sarcastic, and he stops staring at your lips so that he can gently push you away from him, trying his best to ignore his currently reddening cheeks. "i am! i would even say so myself, not to give myself too much credit or anything.."

"well that is giving yourself too much credit" a small hum escapes your lips at his words, and you allow for yourself to be humored by his words. "what about the rest of your team?"

"your acting like i called them shitty fencers" you easily reply, glancing down at your watch and sighing as you notice the time. "i never said they don't bring anything important to the team, i'm just acknowledging how good of an asset to the team i am, and that's totally fine, nothing wrong with it".

your reasoning makes sense, but chenle doesn't this conversation to stop just yet. "that's just a level of confidence that seems a little unruly".

"there's nothing wrong with being confident" you say, and chenle allows for his shoulders to fall. he can't exactly disagree with that. "i know how good of a fencer i am, and you should be applauding me for that".

"maybe i'll applaud you when i actually see you display such skills".

you snicker at chenle's words, he hates that you look so good, he doesn't even know you, but you've managed to both annoy and sort of make him swoon in one go. "well it's your lucky day, you can cheer me on when i beat my opponent in a few minutes".

ah. chenle thinks back to the school spirit banners that are hanging from the ceiling, he thinks back to jaemin, to the stupid promise he made a good few hours ago, and now he's standing here with some overconfident fencer, some overconfident fencer he would've never met if he didn't give in to jaemin's incessant begging.

"that's nice, you really think your gonna win?"

"i don't think, i know, chenle".

chenle is about to counter your words with another remark, but pauses upon hearing his name escape your lips. how did you even know who he was? he's about to start assuming your a stalker or something. "you know my name?"

"you're apart of the student body, you play basketball, and your constantly in the top ranks , everyone knows who you are".

the words get an uncertain smile out of chenle, but he quickly lets it drop because he doesn't want to be smiling because of you. chenle doesn't care, he'll remain stubborn. "yeah, right, glad you know that".

"alright then, you can cheer me on, chenle, i'll be looking for you in the crowd".

chenle scoffs again, now he's completely done with you. "in your dreams.." he mutters, and while he intends for that to not be heard by you, you catch it anyway, but you allow for chenle to think he's in the clear, deciding to not comment on it.

"wish me luck!"

chenle watches you walk away.

he allows for the questions to immediately run through his mind, what the hell was that? why did he want to chase after you like some desperate little man? why didn't he want the conversation to end?

but then again, you are just so annoying, you're so convinced your going to win. chenle almost wants you to lose just so he could laugh in your face about it, but he also does want to watch you face off your opponent, just for entertainment.

and with no jaemin to be seen anywhere, chenle just groans and cusses at the older in his mind, he is genuinely going to punch jaemin when he sees him.

for now, he'll focus on this dumb competition (and on you, wait— no, NOT YOU! he is not focusing on you at all).

CHENLE HAS A HEADACHE THE NEXT DAY, AND HE MAKES sure to put all the blame on jaemin. what kind of friend is he? dragging him off to go see his friend's dumb competition only for him to disappear for more than half the time than proceed to only show up after the competition was almost over and scream in chenle's ear in the entire time. chenle thinks he should start getting paid for hanging out with jaemin, because he can never tell where the other male is half the time, but he's still getting dragged out to shit like this all the time. when jaemin skips his way into chenle's dorm the next morning, he's met with an immediate glare from the chinese, and he seems to have no idea why chenle is so upset with him. "woah, who pissed in your cereal?"

chenle scoffs, throwing jaemin his sweater and going to get a glass of water. "you did, i have a headache because of you".

jaemin laughs at chenle's annoyance, a taunting smile coming to his face as he makes his way towards the younger, a surge of pride in his chest. "really? what did i do?" it isn't a genuine question, and chenle can tell by the exaggerated pout which graces jaemin's features.

"you made me go to your friends stupid competition, then still decided to drag me around after the competition" chenle grits his teeth as he says those words, and all jaemin does is raise a humorous eyebrow, a small hum escapes his lips as he gets another glare from chenle. "not to mention, your friend is so annoying".

jaemin chuckles, getting a small punch in the shoulder from chenle. "oh, so you met y/n then?"

the name doesn't register in chenle's mind, he never actually got to know your name. "is that his name?" just the thought of you has chenle's stomach turning upside down, and he has no idea why. "he pisses me off, he talks too much".

"aww, he didn't make you swoon?"

"absolutely not" chenle says immediately, he is not going to admit how he felt lightheaded just by the sight of you, how you easily had his face red without having to do anything. "he's so into himself, how do you even hang around a guy like that?"

how do you not fall so in love with a guy like that?

"well he has every right to be! y/n has basically won the school all of their fencing awards, a majority of them anyway, i don't get what the hate is all about.."

chenle clears his throat. "i don't hate him, i'm just commenting on his self absorbency".

"your saying that, but you couldn't take your eyes off him the whole competition".

the accusation is enough to make chenle's cheeks go fiery red, what the fuck? he noticed? he opens his mouth to immediately deny the claim, but all he does is stutter whilst trying to clearly articulate his words. "that's not true".

"but it is! you were fangirling more than his actual fangirls! you couldn't even contain yourself!"

chenle rolls his eyes, a small scoff escaping his lips as he tries to ignore his reddening cheeks. "i was not fangirling, you're crazy".

"am i crazy? or are you just in denial?"

"your projecting onto me".

jaemin just snickers, able to see right through chenle's little denying streak. his red cheeks are a clear indication that you probably did end up flustering him, the latter is just too stubborn to admit such a thing. "uh huh, sure, keep telling yourself that chenle".

chenle scoffs, completely turning away from jaemin as he tries to ignore the heat rising in his cheeks. no he wasn't fangirling over you at all, jaemin is just crazy, jaemin is just making stuff up.

at least, that's what his mind tells him.

"YOUR LATE, ZHONG CHENLE" THE WORDS get a small glare from the addressed boy. a chortle sounds from his fellow student body member, kim jungsu, who is humored at the sight of the usually stoic zhong chenle being pissed off, but then again, such a face has become a norm to the titular zhong. "woah, what happened to you?" chenle only scoffs at the question, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips as he ignores the question from choi beomgyu, who only raises an inquisitive eyebrow. the two older boys exchange glances, watching as chenle begins getting up to his usual things. "jaemin decided to hold me up, again" chenle grits his teeth as he thinks about the stupid shenanigans of the na, rolling his eyes.

"what did he do this time?"

"made me walk around the whole school to find something for him.." chenle mutters, pissed off. "but he kept stopping every few minutes to catch up with his old friends!"

beomgyu startles at the sound of chenle's shout paired with the slam of files onto the table. it's often these days that na jaemin seems to be annoying zhong chenle more than anything, the prospect is hilarious, though, he has to admit.

"did you guys hear? y/n got an perfect score on friday!"

the absentminded comment is one chenle so badly wants to ignore, but just the mention of you is enough to make his stomach begin stirring in a way he can't explain. it's monday, why are people still talking about your stupid friday competition? (chenle knows why people still would be talking about it, you're a very talented fencer, he can't deny that).

"did he?"

"what are you guys even expecting at this point? it's y/n, he's never lost a competition once.."

chenle stays silent as he listens to his fellow peers talk about you, your competition, your winnings, just you you you. chenle hates the way you take over his mind, he's only met you once, only talked to you once, but he can't stop thinking about you.

it's a mix of butterflies and some other unknown creature fluttering around in his stomach.

"chenle! how come you and y/n aren't friends?" beomgyu suddenly chimes in, nudging the other in the shoulder. the younger blinks, puzzled by the abrupt question. "you two would be a good.. pair".

chenle knows what he's implying with the emphasis on the word pair (pair? more like couple..), and just the look on his face is enough to give him away. he ignores the red which dusts his cheeks, something that's been happening much more regularly when chenle starts thinking of you, he hates that it does. "we just.. don't know each other like that".

"you two have talked though haven't you?"

chenle is getting bothered by these constant interrogations, he doesn't want to talk about you, because he's not sure he'll be able to keep his ground, or his face from heating up irregularly. "yeah we talked at the competition.."

"oh you went!? how was it?"

"it was uh.." chenle pauses, trying to figure out the words to describe the competition, he isn't even thinking about the competition, he's thinking about you. he can't stop thinking about you, you've been running around in his mind for the past few days. "yeah uh— what you said, y/n got a perfect score.."

chenle quickly turns away from his peers so that he doesn't have to be faced with their several questions about you, mostly because he doesn't know how many excuses he'll be able to make for his red face. he puts away the files as he listens to everyone else continue conversing about you, how known are you? chenle doesn't think he wants to know.

"that can't be tru— wait y/n! come here!"

chenle's heart drops at just the mention of you, and he hears a confused "what?" escape your lips accompanied by the sound of footsteps. he curses in his mind, how is he supposed to avoid you now?

"what's up?"

chenle turns around as he tries to not look at you, but unfortunately, his eyes have other ideas. they drift off to you immediately, and once he looks at you, he can't look away. you look so casual, but you seem to glow. everyone else in the room has basically become nothing, and only you matter. chenle reprimands himself in his head for having such thoughts, he shouldn't be thinking about you so much, especially with you currently in the room. so, he clears his throat and takes his eyes off you.

"beomgyu said—"

"i didn't say anything! don't put the blame on me! dongyun back me up here!"

chenle blinks as he watches his friends dissolve into a full blown argument, with you standing there awkwardly having no idea what was going on. he is quick to tune out the argument, as he's done several times in the past.

but you don't seem to care about the argument transpiring in front of you, seeing as how you slip away from the shouting guys and go over to chenle. "do they always do that?"

chenle can't ignore you now, so he takes in a sigh and looks over at you, his legs immediately feeling like jelly as he locks eyes with you.

you're beautiful, just as beautiful as you were the first time chenle met you and became absorbed in you as a whole. chenle wants to fall over, but he stands his ground, he remains stubborn, he doesn't want to give you that satisfaction.

finally, after what seems like forever, chenle finds his voice, it took him pathetically long to though. "yeah, they argue about stupid shit all the time, don't worry about them".

you snicker, eyeing the student council members who are continuing to go at each other's necks. choi taeyang rubs his temples, completely irritated by this idiotic argument.

you aren't focusing on that, though, because your eyes immediately go back onto chenle. "we never truly established our relationship.. are we friends?"

chenle finds the words baffling. did you really just ask him that? he scrunches his nose, but he can't exactly tell how he feels about the whole thing. "are you really asking me this now?"

you hum, fiddling with your sweater collar. "well, jaemin told me i should try getting on your good side, apparently we need to get to know each other".

"of course he said that".

chenle grits his teeth, but his irritation is feigned, because you snort and look away, your smile this bright, blinding spectacle that chenle could admire for ages. "if you don't want to it's fine" you say, smile unable to be erased.

"i didn't say that" chenle quickly rebuts, much too eager to make that fact known to you. "we can be friends i just.. don't be as annoying as you are".

you gasp, offended. "you think i'm annoying?"

"your just jaemin's copy and paste really".

"is that supposed to be insulting? i happen to like jaemin".

"well that's obvious".

you scoff, crossing your arms. chenle has to stifle his giggles, because watching you look so defeated is just a little bit amusing to him. he can't help his smile, why the fuck do you look cute right now?

"you're so rude, i like you though".

chenle blinks. well he was not expecting that. maybe he doesn't have you all figured out like he thinks, you're unpredictable, how aggravating. he feels his jaw clench as he stares you down. "is that how you always make friends?"

"no.. you keep avoiding the term, though".

"you keep questioning me".

"i just want to get to know you".

"you can do that when we aren't in the student body room".

you roll your eyes, but it's not serious, because nothing is ever serious with you. "okay then, i'll see you some other time, zhong".

you give chenle one last smile before muttering something intelligible to beomgyu, which draws an incredulous gasp from him. you bid your goodbyes to the rest of the student council before once again smiling and making your way out of the door. "he's so dreamy isn't he?"

taeyang snorts, shaking his head. "totally, but i think he liked chenle best".

chenle's face goes bright red the moment he's put on the spot, and jungsu's little giggles meet his ears. "you— he was just being stupid.."

"ohhh, i see".

"wait, chenle and y/n have thing?"

"we do not!" chenle immediately shouts, but as his voice elevates, his cheeks continue to flare. he isn't convincing enough, seeing as how taeyang snickers at the way he heats up embarrassingly. "we do not have a thing! he's just.. annoying".

"so you don't want to fuck him?"

"no!"

but unfortunately, zhong chenle isn't spared from the teasing of his student body members.

"CAN I ASK YOU A STUPID QUESTION?" IT WOULD BE annoying if not completely a norm by now. good god jisung is lucky he's jisung, chenle can't count how many times he's wanted to just clock him square in the face. maybe he's saved from such a fate, but yangyang surely isn't, and chenle is just gearing up the punch as he hears the liu begin snickering. if kun didn't nag so much he probably would've followed the whispering thoughts that told him to shut yangyang up with his fists, but keeping his composure is important. chenle clicks his tongue, tugging at his sweater and rolling his eyes at jisung's subsequent muttering. "okay but don't be mad!" chenle immediately snaps his head towards the younger, and jisung halts in his movements, yangyang's growing laughter is definitely not helping. "you're already mad!"

"i'm not, idiot" chenle grits his teeth, but he relaxes his shoulder and takes a deep breath. "just ask".

"what the hell is going on with you and y/n?"

chenle immediately scrunches his nose, pausing. now how would jisung know about anything that happened between you two? not that anything did happen between you two! it's just strange how chenle meets you on one friday, has like three interactions with you, and suddenly everyone thinks that he has a crush on you or something.

he doesn't! he really doesn't! why isn't anybody convinced?

"nothing! oh my god why is everyone asking me this?"

yangyang snorts, great, now he's going to add his two cents to the mix. "you look at the guy like he solved all of your problems, you sure you don't even want to kiss him?"

chenle scoffs, quickly flipping off yangyang and rolling his eyes. "no, yangyang i don't want to kiss y/n, and i don't stare at him like.. that, who even implied that to you jisung?"

jisung is just the slightest bit terrified of chenle, seeing as how his facial muscles strain to try and fit a smile. "jaemin hyung.."

"and you know heeseung gossips about everything! he's about to put it on the school paper!"

"lee heeseung isn't apart of the school paper, he runs a barely functional gossip blog".

"gossip gets around quickly".

"you guys are acting like i got caught kissing the guy! i'm not in love with him or anything!"

jisung clearly doesn't believe that, and of course yangyang doesn't believe that, seeing as how he doubles over in laughter at chenle's statement of denial. chenle glares, yangyang isn't as funny as he thinks he is. "it's not funny".

"it really is, your cheeks are so red, how are you not in love with him?"

"i'm just not, how do you guys not believe me?"

"it's a bit obvious".

"your terrible at lying".

chenle gasps, dropping his arms at his sides. gosh, even when he is telling the truth everyone thinks he's lying.

and no he's not secretly lying! he is telling the truth! he has absolutely no feelings for you at all!

"i'm not lying".

"well you can go prove yourself then, your boyfriend is right there".

when chenle snaps his head in the direction jisung pointed, he stills, because there you are. his cheeks flare up at the nickname yangyang gave you, the words he's not my boyfriend rest on the tip of his tongue, but they get stuck in his throat when his eyes land on you.

are you fucking everywhere now? chenle talks to you one time and now you suddenly appear every single time he tries to convince himself that he doesn't harbor any romantic feelings towards you. you have to be some kind of psychic, you're probably reading chenle's mind, just ready to show up when he suddenly gets stuck in denial.

"see? your doing that weird love like stare" the whisper gets him out of his daze, his eyes of admiration quickly becoming eyes of hatred fully directed towards his fellow teammate.

"i am not".

jisung blinks, contemplating his words because of the way chenle glares, so his mouth falls shut. "there's nothing going on there, you guys are just stupid".

for the first time ever, yangyang and jisung do something in unison, snicker. "okay chenle, i'll totally believe that".

you laugh in the far distance, the harmony is beautiful, and chenle has to use all of the self control in his body to not turn his head in your direction. he can already imagine your smile, and he has to fight his own smile, chenle can admit that you're annoying, but he can also admit that you have a very pretty smile.

"your lover boy is over there".

you pause, still giggling behind your hand as you glance over at kim minjeong. "who?" you inquire, wincing at her hard pinch to your shoulder. when you turn your head, you grin at the person you see. "i can't exactly figure out why you say that".

"you seem a little obsessed".

you laugh. a huge, polyphonic laugh that would make the words you're hearing seem like absolute nonsense. "obsessed? i like the guy a normal amount".

"woah.. like?"

"platonic feelings do exist ms. kim" you rebut, arms crossing over your chest as you listen to the mutters of your fellow students. "and besides, he doesn't seem to like me much".

"he looks like he's even in love with you".

"you don't even know what love is, jiung".

if you're being completely honest, you have no idea why you're going to extreme lengths to defend yourself like this. zhong chenle is cute, easily aggravated, your actions piss him off insanely quickly, you can see why people would think you feel something for him, you enjoy admiring his face way too much, you zone out on his features way too much, others might get the wrong idea. "fuck you, anyway, there is no way he isn't in love with you".

"in love? are we in a romcom?"

jiung scoffs, and minjeong pinches the bridge of her nose. "are you stupid or do you just not want to admit it?"

"admit what?"

your feigned innocence gets a groan of unison out of your friends.

and maybe a certain zhong is just admiring you from afar..

IT'S NOT USUAL FOR ZHONG CHENLE TO WAKE UP EARLY, and six am is really a stretch he can't believe ended up happening. after minutes of tossing and turning, he screamed into his pillow and rose from his bed to begin his day. classes start in two hours, but he's not going to be able to get back to sleep. he makes sure he doesn't wake daegal, grabs a basketball, and leaves his dorm to make his way to the school gym. it's something he usually does when he finds himself sleepless, playing basketball can get his mind off of literally anything, so whenever he wakes up in the early hours of the morning and can't get back to sleep, he simply makes his way to the school gym to entertain himself for a few hours. it's usually always empty too, so he doesn't have to worry about being interrupted while he's cranky in the morning.

he hums to himself as he dribbles the ball down the hallway, basking in the silence of the air. sometimes people are too much, he can enjoy being alone on most occasions.

the cool air of the gym hits his face as he continues his dribbling, taking a shot and having it land perfectly in the basket. he whistles, proud, but not surprised. it isn't surprising how good he is anymore.

"nice shot".

the moment chenle hears the voice, he has to bite back his groan. you snicker at the expression you see blossom on his features, and chenle turns towards you, lips pressed together. "nice to know you're so happy to see me".

"it's beginning to get ridiculous how you are everywhere" chenle is quick to bite back, and you shake your head, a laugh threatening to escape your lips.

chenle can't even help his smile. oh fuck you. you're evil. you're the evilest being chenle has ever had to share a space with.

he doesn't want you to leave, though.

"are you saying i'm doing this on purpose?"

"exactly what i think" you laugh, fingers picking at the fabrics of your sweater, and chenle finds himself frowning.

"what are you doing up so early?" he inquires, cutting off your response with a question.

you feign thought, rolling your eyes. "i usually wake up early to stretch, maybe get in some practice, it's sort of like a built in alarm clock".

"you wake up at six in the morning every day?"

"it's torture" you reply, eyes glancing around the practically empty space you two stand in. "but i've gotten used to it, coach is always on my ass about it.."

"ohhh because your his star player?"

there's a hint of sarcasm in that question, and your brows furrow as you watch chenle distracts himself with his basketball. "he's just constantly like that".

"okay, so you aren't doing this on purpose?"

"even if i was, is there anything wrong with me wanting to see you?"

chenle pauses, blinking as he lets the words slowly settle into his brain. if he had absolutely no self control, he would've giggled out loud right in the very moment. why are you so.. you? it's absolutely ridiculous, actually, why do you say things like this? do you have no regard for chenle's heart? you have to know what you're saying.

"what? like you have a crush on me or something?"

"seems you want for that to be the case".

chenle opens his mouth to respond, but it closes the moment he sees your smile. he grits his teeth, it's sickening how easily he's about to fall. who allowed for you to have such a pretty smile? he finds himself grateful to even be witnessing such a thing.

he finds himself flustered at how speechless he is, and he sighs, ignoring his heated cheeks. "you and your weird fantasies".

"whatever you say zhong".

chenle groans, quickly wanting to change the topic. "you wanna play?"

you chuckle at the question, shaking your head almost immediately. "oh no i'm not good at basketball".

"it's not that hard, just dribble and shoot".

you seem to find that idea ridiculous, because you laugh again. "you're definitely going to kick my ass".

"maybe i want to do that" chenle smiles, and you narrow your eyes.

"okay, i see the game your playing".

chenle laughs, and you frown at the corresponding sound. "come on, just once? i'll return the favor, i'll fence with you!"

you seem puzzled by that one. "..do you want to?"

"it can't be that hard".

you bite back another laugh. "you know how to be convincing".

chenle raises an eyebrow. "is that a yes?"

you sigh, rolling your eyes. "fine yes, whatever".

"don't 'whatever' me".

you can barely resist your smile as you watch a hint of irritation settle in his eyes. "come on, let's play".

and maybe chenle smiles a little too wide at that, because he can't stop admiring your smile.

CHENLE TAPS HIS PEN AGAINST THE DESK, LISTENING TO the murmurs of the rest of the student body. it's easy to be quiet when in a room full of noisy, immature men. he barely even remembers where most of their conversations go, it's become much too easy to tune them out. beomgyu must have said something insane, because taeyang is giving him that incredulous glare he can only share with someone like beomgyu. god chenle misses hanbin, he's the only person who can contain such idiots (which is amusing, because all he has to do is clap and they all go silent). "who even agreed to that? did mr. jeong tell you anything?" chenle just barely fights his groan, of course they're arguing about this again. maybe he should just get up and scream, then they would all shut the fuck up.

"i already told you! nayeon said—"

"i didn't ask about nayeon, did i?"

beomgyu sucks his teeth, throwing his hands in the air. "see? this is why no one likes talking to you!"

"i'm just stating the obvious".

"you two have been at it for hours! please just let it go".

honda hitomi leans against her hand, just barely able to fight her own exhaustion. she's about to collapse onto the floor and not get up, but she keeps herself awake for the sake of her own sanity. "what did mr. jeong say about the end of the year fair we planned?"

chenle sighs. "he has not gotten back to me on that one".

"good god it's never going to happen at this point! can i just take down the posters?"

"don't lose hope so quickly!"

"at this rate hope no longer exists! we have to wait weeks for a response from the principal himself! aren't we supposed to be hosting all the cool student events?"

"yeah that's what we have chenle for".

chenle ignores the giggles that reply to those words, much too tired to even care anymore. "i need to make sure donghyuck doesn't traumatize daegal.. you guys have a good day" he grabs his stuff and scrunches his nose, almost unable to stand on his legs considering how long he'd been sat.

"why would you let donghyuck babysit daegal?"

"he's broke so i'm practically forcing him to" chenle swings his bag over his shoulder, smiling at the snickers he receives from his members. "i'll see you all tomorrow, and if any of you see hanbin tell him he better come up with a good excuse for being missing".

it's a threat that again has beomgyu throwing his arms up in the air, even if it wasn't directed towards him specifically. "will do boss!"

"don't call me that" chenle just barely misses the incoming whine choi beomgyu lets out when he finishes the response.

and then chenle exits the student body room, his shoulder slumping accompanied by a silent sigh. he just wants to get home without any distractions, no yelling, no stupid jokes that lead nowhere, no one to imply something idiotic that will make his eye twitch—

"chenle! hey!"

well of course that can't happen.

zhong chenle's life will never be peaceful, and that disturbance comes in the form of na jaemin, running towards him with that abhorrent smile on his face. chenle is already praying in his head, because he knows jaemin is just going to try something insane again. "amazing to see you jaemin".

the guy isn't even breathless, which chenle finds amusing considering he was totally bolting the whole way here. "did you hear?"

"what?"

jaemin looks disappointed, and he crosses his arms. "you didn't read the blog post? pretty much everyone has already".

chenle blinks, no longer interested in pretending to humor whatever it is jaemin is going to show him. "everyone?"

"mostly everyone, don't be surprised if gyu yells in your ears about it soon".

chenle scrunches his nose. sensing his complete obliviousness, jaemin sighs and pulls out his phone, giggling before even turning it on. "you and y/n are the school's couple of the month".

chenle's eye twitches.

"excuse me?"

jaemin nudges him, showing him the phone. chenle doesn't even have to read anything, all he has to do is look at the title.

[THE SCHOOLS FENCING STAR & SHOOTING GUARD ARE IN LOVE: BUT WE ALL KINDA KNEW THAT ALREADY..]

chenle sighs, of course lee heeseung wrote it. he rolls his eyes, massaging his temples. "tell me you don't believe this.."

jaemin giggles, turning his phone off. he laughs for a while, but pauses when he realizes chenle isn't laughing with him. "wait.. you two aren't dating?"

"no jaemin, we aren't".

the information flabbergasts him. "what do you mean you aren't!? i thought you two were doing like the secret thing.. the whole yeah were dating but like not publicly thing!"

chenle simply shrugs, turning on his heel and continuing his walk towards the exit. jaemin almost trips on his feet, following closely behind him. "how many times do i have to tell people this? there is nothing going on between y/n and i!"

"so then what were you two doing in the gym?"

chenle stops, glancing behind him to catch a look at jaemin's face. he narrows his eyes, scratching the fabric of his sweater. "talking, jaemin, like you usually do with people".

"six in the morning and you two are just talking?"

"you take everything out of proportion, i'm not sure you know what 'dating' looks like".

"well i know y/n, though, and i know his expressions, he stares at you with so much love it's sick!"

chenle can't even muster another eye roll, he simply keeps quiet at the words, turning around to look forward. "whatever.."

he stares down at the floor, not allowing for the words to get to his head. if he does than he'll begin thinking about you, and if he envisions your smile he won't be able to bite back his own.

IT'S FUNNY HOW QUICK GOSSIP CAN SPREAD, BECAUSE ALL chenle's been presented with in these past few weeks are rumors and mindless gossip. what kind of grip does lee heeseung have on everyone? how does his wannabe gossip blog really do all of this damage? he can't even begin speaking without someone asking if he's dating you. is this what being your boyfriend would be like? suddenly everyone is invested in his business and he can't even live in peace because everyone assumes you two are dating. he's let out enough sighs these past few weeks, he's beginning to get tired of everyone's constant muttering, he can't even talk without annoying himself, and he hasn't had an actual conversation with you in a good two weeks, which was totally unintentional at first, but it slowly became more.. voluntary.

you two don't talk much, simply give glances to each other in hallways. it's not that chenle is avoiding you! it's just that chenle is definitely avoiding you.

he just sort of needs space, for an unchecked amount of time.

you almost completely consume his mind, and because everyone thinks you two are dating, it's hard to not think about you. maybe it was difficult to get you out of his head before, but it is insanely difficult now. he doesn't escape jaemin's snickers, whispers, or even just mentions of your name, you're practically haunting him.

looking at your face ensures that chenle will probably collapse onto the floor.

so chenle's avoiding you for the peace of his mind. he makes excuses for why he doesn't want to see you every time, a tight lipped smile on his face whenever someone brings you up.

and of course, because of his avoidance, even more rumors swirl. something about you two getting into a random fight, a lovers quarrel the audience are calling it. how annoying.

but he can't avoid you forever, because you literally know everyone, including the people in his close knit friend group. so what is chenle supposed to say? it gets harder to come up with excuses for not wanting to be in the same room as you. jaemin keeps sending him weird looks, asking questions with his eyes, but chenle simply walks away.

you seem to want to talk to him, but you also seem to sense that he needs his space, because you don't just suddenly ambush him to ask why he's suddenly avoiding you like the plague (even if you do really want to).

and chenle keeps that track record pretty solid for a while, he dodges all of the questions, stares, you, it almost becomes easy after a while.

but it doesn't stay the same, because of course it doesn't, you always just.. appear.

"you sure you can make it? we don't wanna bother you if you can't".

mark is always so considerate, chenle doesn't know the last time he met a guy so nice. "yeah, yeah i'll be fine! just text me the time and i will be there".

"on time?"

chenle snaps his head towards donghyuck, glaring. the older simply giggles as the younger flips him off, and he scoffs. "yes on time donghyuck, fuck you".

"see you lele!"

chenle scrunches his nose at the nickname, he would flip donghyuck off again if not for wanting to keep his sanity in tact. he has to have some kind of limit, and when he hears yet another giggle spill from donghyuck's lips, he wishes he had acted on his intrusive thoughts.

chenle has a few hours considering they always like going out late (and they wonder why their always tired in the morning), he can binge all of how i met your mother for the seventieth time, and he can keep daegal company enough that she'll tire herself out.

chenle's hands stay shoved in his pockets, it isn't even that cold, he just has an emotional attachment to this sweater.

but then chenle stops, because he just walked the complete opposite direction of where he was supposed to go. he blinks, mentally cursing at himself.

"what an idiot you are zhong chenle".

"well that's rude to say to yourself".

chenle jumps, but he can't be startled for long, because it's you. after avoiding you for almost two weeks (seriously he was so close!), you had successfully cornered him.

well 'cornered' may not be the right term to use in the context, you smile, as if pleased to see him. "feels like i haven't been here in years.."

you glance around, feigning interest in your surroundings. chenle bites into his inner cheek, suddenly feeling the air become awkward. "did i do something wrong?" you inquire, seeming completely.. normal.

"no" chenle almost whispers, turning around as to not stare at you. he begins walking the right way this time, unconsciously inviting you to follow him, which you clearly sense with how you straighten up and begin walking beside him. "it's not you".

"so you're avoiding me for what reason?"

chenle shrugs, silence overtaking the air between you two. he listens to the small mutters of others as you two walk together, he can ignore it easily considering you're right beside him now, maybe it's because you overtake all of his thoughts. "i don't know.. everyone thinks were dating, it feels kind of weird".

"well i guessed that was the case".

chenle again goes silent, you are much calmer about this than he would've expected. it's just something he isn't used to seeing from you, he knows if he was getting avoided so clearly he probably would've blown up on the person, but that's just him. "aren't you mad?"

"not really, i can see where your coming from".

chenle hums, the air again becoming awkward. "i'm sorry" you don't look at him as he apologizes, but you smile anyway.

"it's alright, we technically aren't.. friends so i'm really not that offended".

chenle pauses, well he totally forgot that one. he's the one who said it himself. oh he is such a fucking idiot, but you don't say it to offend him, you simply state it as a fact. "still, i probably would've blown up on you if it was the other way around".

"oh trust me, other people have done way worse, a little ghosting is nothing".

that finally gets a smile out of chenle, and you seemed to miss that smile, because you mirror his expression. "i didn't mean to worry you, none of it is your fault".

"i wouldn't say i was worried, i was just confused, but you have your reasons".

chenle sighs, stopping as you hold the door for him. so you're basically just walking him back to his dorm now, no words even having to be exchanged. that's funny. he doesn't put all of his focus on that, though, you're directly in front of him right now, he should put all of his focus on that.

"so were good, right? no bad blood?"

chenle glances over at you. "there never was any bad blood, i just got into my own head".

"that's good, you still have to make good on that promise of fencing me".

chenle raises an eyebrow, suddenly feeling his cheeks dust red. "fencing and basketball are vastly different".

"obviously, but you kicked my ass so i should get to kick yours".

"it was a pretty close game, ten to six".

"my point still stands".

chenle hums, just barely biting back his laugh. "okay fine, we'll fence, just go easy on me".

"aww, but then it won't be fun!"

chenle childishly sticks his tongue out at you, immediately met with an offended stare. still, you laugh, giggle even. chenle finds it funny how easily he can make you laugh.

"either that or we won't".

"fine then".

your smile indicates to chenle that you definitely don't plan on completely fulfilling that.

you raise your hands up in mock surrender, and chenle simply shakes his head, completely done with you. he stops in front of his door, rummaging through his pockets looking for his keys.

"thanks for walking me" he says, quite literally unable to shake off the weird feeling in his stomach. "even though you kind of just followed me here.."

"we were talking, i didn't know how to just leave".

i didn't want for you to leave anyway.

but chenle doesn't say that one, simply smiles again. "it's fine, thank you again".

"so what are we exactly?"

chenle blinks, just about to open his door when you ask that question. he thinks about it, thoughts chugging like a train.

"mortal enemies".

you snicker, looking down at the floor. "oh".

chenle hums, hand resting on his doorknob. "yeah, have a good day y/n".

"you too chenle".

CHENLE DIDN'T UNDERESTIMATE YOU WHEN HE CHALLENGED you to a fencing match. you've been a fencer as long as you could stand on your two feet, you mentioned in passing once that you'd been fencing since elementary school, introduced to the sport by your father. chenle doesn't know anything about fencing, he's watched one competition and can barely recollect the memories of what went on because it was at that competition that he met you. it's hard to focus on anything when your around, especially the match he literally challenged you to. he wasn't exactly thinking when he brought it up, just really wanting for you to play basketball with him. he stumbles back, tripping on his own feet and falling back onto the floor.

"wow i suck at this" chenle mutters, back resting against the mat on the ground.

your distinct chuckle meets his ears, and chenle lets out a sigh. "well i didn't say it.."

"oh fuck you, your the fencing expert".

"that's what you get when you compete with an actual fencer" you respond, chenle rests the épée beside his laying figure. "you didn't go down without a fight though, four points!"

"four points to twelve points, you think that's a worthy competition?"

"it's impressive for someone whose fencing for the first time ever right now" you remove your fencing mask properly, getting a good look at him on the floor. "i'm sure you could take jiung in a match".

"oh don't mention your teammates, i can't handle any of this, how do you do it?"

you whistle, dropping the épée onto the floor and extending your hand towards chenle. he takes it, feeling a pain spike as he stands on his two legs. "you liar, you said you were gonna go easy".

you simply smile, feigned innocence behind that wretched sight ('wretched' is the wrong word to describe it, chenle absolutely loves your smile).

"that was me going easy" you reply, squeezing his hand against yours.

that's when chenle is brought back to reality. holy shit you two are holding hands. he stares at the spectacle, blinking dumbly as you again snicker at your own words. he pulls his hand away quickly, ignoring the excessive heat of his face.

"oh then i really suck".

"your better than most people".

chenle hums, being better than most people doesn't really mean anything when going against you. "stop frowning, you did well".

chenle is definitely not frowning, he's not! how would you even know that? "well doesn't mean much in these books".

you shake your head, and chenle doesn't frown (but his lips turn downward). he picks the épée up from the floor, twirling it around. "can't just say i'm not good at this?"

"the reason you aren't good at this is because of your handiwork" you quickly respond, stepping closer to him and wrapping your fingers around chenle's wrist. "you have to angle your hand at ninety degrees, it has to be parallel to your foot.."

chenle blinks as you begin explaining the ways for him to improve his fencing. your rambling, very interested in actually helping him instead of just beating him at your own game again. chenle is quite literally on the verge of a heart attack, everything you're saying has blurred into the background as you get closer, the heat in the room steadily rising.

you continue talking, angling chenle's arm forward and pointing the sword straight. chenle cannot focus on what you're saying because you are so.. beautiful? you look so good in this lighting, it has to be criminal. you unconsciously get up in his personal space and chenle's breath hitches, but you don't notice.

"—and when you lunge your other hand should go down to balance your body weight" you mutter, smile on your face as you glance at chenle, who looks midway through a disassociating scene.

"hey, are you even listening to anything i'm saying?" you nudge chenle with your shoulder. chenle snaps out of his little episode and blinks, leaning away from you as he sees how close you are.

"oh.. uh— well".

you sigh, letting go of chenle's wrist and watching it lean down in just the slightest. "nuh uh, keep it up, ninety degrees".

chenle scoffs, but you raise an eyebrow, and he pauses. who knew you could be like that? chenle is just a little afraid seeing you serious. "you really don't have to help me".

"it's out of courtesy".

chenle narrows his eyes, and you whistle again, removing the fencing gear your wearing. "you aren't going against me again are you?"

"absolutely not" chenle shakes his head, another heavy breath leaving his lips. "you're brutal, i can't keep up".

"i'm sure you could".

"you have too much faith in me".

you hum, slipping your sweater back on and shoving your hands into your pockets. chenle again sighs, walking past you. "you could've at least tried to get eight points on me".

"the only way i'd get eight points on you is if you gave them to me" chenle replies, and you hold the door open for him again, watching as he narrows his eyes at you. "and you'd never let me".

"it's good to be competitive".

"at least you said something true".

you two must have a thing for unconsciously walking together now, much too distracted in conversation to even catch the looks your being given.

"i see you guys have made up!"

you pause, smiling at the sight of your longtime friend, and chenle sighs at the sight of jaemin. "why are you so sad?"

"jaemin brings chaos into my life".

jaemin scrunches his nose, offended. "don't be so quick to say that, i brought y/n into your life!"

"exactly".

now it's your turn to be offended, a gasp drawing from you. "wow i see how it is, chenle, maybe you should just go back to ignoring me then".

"you're so petty".

"oh and you aren't? that is completely unfair!"

jaemin glances between the two of you as you begin your mini argument, the bickering between you two surprisingly entertaining him.

what an interesting lovers quarrel.  

"DON'T BE BORING! LET'S GO TO JINYOUNG'S PARTY!" JAEMIN shouted in his ear as he saw chenle trying his best to drift off to sleep. the younger was very much not on board, he wanted to sleep, he wanted to rest, maybe have a romantic dream about you or whatever. it's not like he had a load of work dumped on him tonight, he just didn't want to go out on his fine evening, and he also doesn't know jinyoung that well. he's not the extent of social butterfly jaemin is, he's sort of afraid of being that awkward friend who just follows his much more known friend around. he just knows jaemin is going to ditch him the moment he finds a cute guy to make out with, and that isn't his ideal kind of night. it didn't matter what he said though, jaemin had somehow convinced him to not sleep in his bed all night.

"this room reeks of drunk breath".

"don't be boring, chenle!" that must be jaemin's only response, because he smiles when chenle frowns. "have some fun" he pushes at his shoulder, but chenle simply sighs.

"i can't wake up with a hangover tomorrow.."

"just a little?"

jaemin puts his best puppy dog eyes on display, pouting with his hands clasped together. chenle immediately leans back against the wall, put off by whatever.. this is. he points, pressing his index finger against jaemin's chest. "if you get wasted i'm leaving you".

"that isn't a threat".

yeah, it really isn't, jeno is jaemin's ride or die, he'd carry the guy up the stairs while he was hanging off his shoulder for pete's sake.

so when jaemin does eventually get wasted, chenle isn't even that surprised when jeno shows up to follow him around and make sure he doesn't kill himself.

jinyoung is nice, a little erratic, chenle finds it amusing how easily he gets offended at heeseung's jokes. he almost socked the guy in the face, but then they looked at each other and began laughing loudly about it, they're much too gone to even realize they're being stupid.

chenle could barely take one sip of those drinks without grimacing, he can't even get tipsy, he might fall over from the taste alone, he isn't going to risk it.

he can't stand being alone for long, though, because he finds himself at beomgyu's side, listening to the choi talk his ear off. he doesn't know many of beomgyu's friends, he's met taehyun once, courtesy of jisung surprisingly, but the other guys are practically ghosts to him. one of them really likes bread though, he's never seen a guy so passionate about wheat.

"i can't believe you think strawberry ice cream is good! it's terrible!"

"it's not! you're a pussy! no wonder you can't eat fruit!"

maybe beomgyu and this bread obsessed guy have arguments like this often, because the words sound so practiced chenle assumes they must rehearse this argument for every time they drink. beomgyu huffs, crossing his arms, and he snaps his head over to chenle. "tell soobin he's wrong".

"is that his name?" when he asks that, soobin waves from behind beomgyu, a wide smile displayed on his face. "i have no say here".

beomgyu pouts. "even outside of school you're boring".

"you're arguing about strawberries!"

and just when chenle is about to join the argument about the ethics of strawberry ice cream, he hears something.

"boo!"

chenle almost jumps out of his seat, startled by the sudden sound. he grits his teeth once he's met with your smiling face, and you giggle, your breath reeking of the disgusting alcohol. "oh hello you".

"hiiiiii did you miss me?" you ask, hands clasped together as you try your best to sit, tripping on your feet. you hiccup; "cause i definitely missed you—" a poke to his cheek, another giggle leaves your lips. "—i can't believe you're reeeeal" your words slur and syllables stick together, you clearly aren't in the right mind at the current moment.

you lean half your body weight against chenle, laughing at something you say in your own head (at least that's what chenle assumes is happening, you're simply laughing for no reason). "did you miss me too?"

you jut out your bottom lip, chenle has to turn his head to stare at you. your cheeks are flushed, eyes are wide, and you have a permanent smile on your face. "it's debatable".

"you take that back!"

chenle can just barely stifle his laugh, you're absolutely ridiculous. you pout again, brain fuzzy. "don't laugh at me.."

"how much have you had to drink?" chenle asks, a finger in your hair. the strands are soft, just like he predicted.

"uhhh nothing really like um.. uh— four?" you hold up four fingers, then burst into laughter at the sight of your own hand.

oh. so you're that drunk, you giggle again, a snort following that sound. your head rests onto chenle's shoulders, and you shake as you giggle.

"four drinks? already".

you hiccup again. "jinyoung said.. um, i actually forgot what he said, but he promised me something! i like promises!"

you snap your fingers, leaning back in your seat and almost falling backwards in the process.

chenle watches, listening to the continuous drunk chatter of beomgyu and soobin. he then sighs, tired. "y/n, come on".

you crack open one eye. "whaaaaat? you don't wanna dance?"

"i think you've had enough, let's not dance right now".

"but we have to" your lips turn downward into a frown, visible sadness in your eyes.

"we can dance at another time".

"oh really?" your eyes shine, as if you're already awaiting the moment you two will dance.

"yeah, let me take you home before you end up passing out on the floor".

chenle wraps an arm around your waist, and you wrap an arm around his, but he's basically carrying you around.

"jaem" chenle calls out, grunting as he lifts you from your place. when jaemin turns around, he looks fine, not like what chenle expected. he's met with an immediate eyebrow raise, as expected of jaemin. "i'm taking y/n home.."

"youuu just wanna see my bedroom" you slur, poking chenle again as you practically fall onto him, no longer controlling any of your movements. "hiiiii jaemin!"

"okay, i see" jaemin looks you two up down, and you're still waving while he judges you. "have fun".

"don't start".

at the sight of chenle's piercing glare, jaemin puts his hands up in surrender. "okay, make sure he doesn't die".

"he might end up killing himself anyway.." chenle mutters under his breath, again lifting you up as he sighs.

"byeeeee jaemin! i love you!"

chenle scrunches his nose, and you continue to wave even when jaemin disappears from view. you lean onto him again, noticing his silence. "don't be mad, i love you too".

he glances. "not mad".

you giggle again, wasted beyond words. "no need to lie to me, you're so obvious".

chenle's cheeks flare up at that. alright you fucking psychic.

WHEN YOU TWO MAKE IT BACK TO YOUR DORM, you collapse onto your couch, bringing your knees to your chest. you weren't as talkative on the way back as chenle thought you would be, the moment you two left jinyoung's door, you simply went silent, the many drinks probably went to your head, you must be exhausted, and for the first time in forever, you two don't really bicker. you simply walk along with him in silence, so there are no words exchanged between you two. when you collapse onto your couch, chenle can just barely keep in his laugh. you let out a heavy breath, groaning. "i hate parties.." you mutter against your cushion, scratching at the fabric of the cushion. chenle turns to stare at you, and you let out a groan of pain(?).

"no you don't".

"no i don't".

you stretch your limbs, then hug your knees against your chest. "chenle?" you call out, eyes closed, and arms circled around yourself.

your voice is barely audible, he doesn't think he's heard you be so silent ever. he hums as his response, and you take in a deep breath before asking yet another question. "can you get me a blanket from my room? it's always cold in here.."

chenle nods even though you can't see. "okay, and which door is yours?" he's afraid of accidentally walking into the wrong room, he's heard your roommate isn't exactly the easiest to get on good terms with.

"the one at the far end of the hall" you stretch the final letter of the word 'hall', your sighs endless.

chenle mutters a small response and turns on his heel to make his way towards your room. he hears you let out another sigh, your fatigue following closely behind him as he opens the door.

when he does enter, instead of immediately doing what you asked, he allows for himself to get engrossed in the scenery of your room. the posters which litter the walls, your many fencing awards, medals, trophies, certificates. the photos on your shelves containing some familiar faces, there's one with you and jaemin that chenle can only assume was from way before university.

oh, so they do go that far back.

your room is adorable, it isn't exactly big, but you mastered how to make due with the space you were given. he glances at your bed, and he grabs a good enough blanket, heading back to the living room.

"you're a blessing zhong chenle" you say when he lays the blanket over you, watching as you let your body relax.

chenle stares, simply watching the way you shuffle against your couch. "it's really no problem, sleep well".

"what?"

chenle snaps his head towards you. "sleep well y/n, i'm leaving".

"you can't leave!" you open your eyes, staring at him incredulously. "what happens if i get attacked while you're gone!?"

chenle deadpans, you cannot be serious right now. "you're not getting attacked while i'm gone, y/n, that makes no sense".

you cross your arms, clearly not as completely sober as chenle thought you were. "i need for someone to stick by me, just until wonjin comes back!"

wonjin. oh, that must be your roommate. "and when is he gonna come back exactly?"

"i don't know" you put your own hand on your forehead, wincing at the heat that you feel. "he's a wild card.. kind of".

chenle sighs, of course you're starting with something again. "i can't stay y/n, i really have to get home".

no. he doesn't. he doesn't have to get home. the only real reason would be daegal, who his brother graciously stole for the weekend. he doesn't live with anyone else, so he isn't exactly going home to anyone. he doesn't know why he said that, he just lied to lie.

"no you don't".

you're correct, but chenle wants to remain stubborn. he sucks his teeth, irritated at the pure truth. "just for a few minutes?" you ask, putting on pleading eyes as you stare at the other standing at the arm of the couch. "please? you don't have to stay for long, just until i sleep".

now how can chenle deny that? he can pretend he isn't in love with you while others are around, he can act like the flirting doesn't affect him in the hallways, he can act like nothing's there in the bright light of the day, but now? now? while you're staring at him with pleading eyes? how could he ever deny you?

"i— fine.." chenle sighs, hands dropping at his sides as he steps closer, sitting down beside you on the couch. he doesn't lie down just yet, he isn't that tired. "now will you sleep?"

you nod quickly. "much better, good night".

you rest your head against your couch, snuggling against the blanket as your hand reaches over to take chenle's, intertwining your fingers together. "thanks for staying with me.. you're a good friend".

chenle keeps silent, but you still aren't asleep, because you snort in response to your own words. "sorry, enemy, we're enemies".

chenle gives a chuckle in response. "yep, mortal enemies".

you give a dismissive wave with your free hand, laughing again. "okay okay, i love you, good night" you let your hand drop and keep your eyes closed as you slowly begin drifting off into a slumber.

chenle again pauses.

you what?

his cheeks flare up, just the small confession distracting him enough, your thumb caresses the back of his palm, and the touch amplifies the red of his cheeks.

you love him.

well that's nice.

THE SUNLIGHT PEAKING IN THROUGH THE NEARBY window earns a small wince from chenle, eyes begging to remain shut as the light shines against his eyelids. he shuffles— or, he tries his best to shuffle with the lack of space he's in, a small groan escaping his lips as he tries to wake himself. he goes through an inward battle of trying to adjust his eyesight whilst also attempting to avoid the direct light of the sun, taking a few moments of squinting until he can finally open his eyes, adjusting to his surroundings as he begins to fight the fatigue in his body. oh he is such a fucking liar. he agreed to just a few minutes right beside you, and he fell asleep, right beside you. he woke up before you, and your soft snores become all he hears in the room. "oh my god" chenle massages his own temples, cursing under his breath.

you're still asleep, just barely awaken from your seemingly good dreams as chenle takes in a deep breath, rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes with one hand.

he stares down at your sleeping figure, your hair too messy, cheeks rosy red, and your other hand still holding his, squeezing. he snickers silently, and you must not have been that deep asleep, because you shuffle against your couch.

chenle lets go of your hand to rummage for his phone, and you let out a small sound of defiance as you feel his fingers slip from yours.

he almost laughs again, watching the way your eyebrows furrow. 09:14 am. wow, he doesn't remember the last time he slept that long.

"good morning.." you mutter, though you keep your eyes closed. chenle narrows his own eyes, amused by the sight. you feel around until you grab his hand again, intertwining your fingers. "i'm tired".

"yeah?"

"..and it all hurts".

chenle sighs, unable to get away from your hand squeezing his. "you have ibuprofen or something?"

"i just need to.." you pause, finally getting up, somehow without letting go of chenle's hand. "like walk around for some hours" you wave your free hand dismissively, and when chenle sends you a look, you clear your throat. "sometimes i can just walk in circles and get rid of a hangover".

chenle scrunches his nose, and you laugh at the face he gives you. "i'm not sure why it works that way either, it just does".

"you're a strange guy".

you hum, running a hand through your tousled hair. you two stay silent for a moment, staring at each other. "so you stayed over, huh?"

chenle again scrunches his nose, his cheeks flaring up. "i didn't mean to fall asleep.." he mutters, stubbornness immediately on display. "i was tired".

"aww, you didn't stay for me?"

"don't make me vomit, y/n".

you stick out your tongue, jumping off the couch and dusting off your clothes. "you gonna stay around or would you like for me to walk you out?"

"let me settle into the morning air first.."

"okay weirdo".

chenle almost scoffs, there's no way you're calling him weird, you're as weird as jaemin. maybe that's why, weird people can't grasp their own weirdness, they see it all as completely normal.

"you don't have a shitty hangover do you?"

you shake the bottle of ibuprofen then grab a bottle of water, taking the medication as if simply programmed to do it. you narrow your eyes, picking up on chenle's staring problem. "you stare a lot, huh?"

chenle snaps out of his dissociative state, realizing you asked him a question. "oh no i'm fine, i didn't even try to drink that shitty alcohol".

you snicker, putting the medication away and walking towards the bathroom. "you're simply a little too uptight".

"uptight? how did anyone drink that?"

you shrug from where you are, your voice echoing from the bathroom. "jinyoung is pretty convincing" chenle hears the sink water start running, assuming that you're brushing your teeth.

"not enough for terrible drinks".

chenle rises from his place, trudging behind you towards the bathroom. he stands in the doorway and watches you, he doesn't know why he's so interested in watching you do even the simplest of things, there's simply something about you that makes the simplest of tasks so compelling to watch.

you again catch his eyes, spitting out your toothpaste. "you definitely have a staring problem".

chenle sighs, how is he even supposed to argue with that? he is quite literally proving to you that he has a staring problem.

he doesn't really have one, though, it's just with you that he can't help but stare.

he can't exactly respond to that one, and a smirk shows on your lips, you've rendered him speechless. "oh.. am i right?"

chenle's scoff is stubborn, his arms folding over his chest, there's tease in your voice that makes red spread across his cheeks. "you aren't, i just constantly need to be around someone.."

what a reasonable lie that you clearly buy! you simply roll your eyes in response, he really just lies like it's nothing. you clasp your hands behind your back, lips turning up. "why do you lie to me so much? do i make you nervous or something?"

and it's not like you step closer, you simply stand there with your hands behind your back, a tormenting smile playing on your lips. you aren't doing anything, but chenle's legs feel weak, you're simply standing and smiling, it's nothing crazy, but you are crazy, what gives you the right to stand and smile like that at chenle?

"don't flatter yourself".

you raise an eyebrow, smile permanent. god you look so kissable right now, maybe chenle should give into his desires and lean in.

but he doesn't, he simply scowls, feigning irritation at your lack of action. "sorry, forgot we're mortal enemies and all".

you whistle, hands shoving into your pockets and walking past chenle. "you want me to walk you out now?"

chenle turns as your shoulder brushes against his, following behind you to the door. "you don't have to".

you open your front door, motioning with your head. "i technically already did!" oh so you're trying to be a smart ass, how funny. chenle's face falls, and your lips turn up as his turn down.

"you're so annoying".

"i'm simply here to entertain" you sing, gently pushing chenle out of your dorm. "have a good day enemy!"

and chenle would've flipped you off if he wasn't distracted by your smile.

CHENLE LETS HIS STUBBORNNESS CARRY THROUGHOUT the week, even while you two see each other, occasionally talking, occasionally staring longingly (that's more on chenle's part, you have such intriguing facial features, and not in a creepy way). he definitely does not have dreams about kissing you, about going on dates, or even about you two being a real couple, that would be ridiculous, zhong chenle does not have a crush, and he especially does not have a crush on you. yes the evidence looks pretty undeniable, his stares linger too much, his eyes linger too much, especially on your lips, he practically itches to hold your hand when you two are in public, the whole "mortal enemies" thing becoming an inside joke for you two. you seem perpetually oblivious to chenle's stares, or maybe you're just acting, it's getting a bit difficult to tell.

the rise in romantic tension doesn't help the rumors that were already up in the air, because the more chenle stares at you like he wants to eat you (in very figurative and literal ways), the more people just make assumptions about what exactly is going on between you two.

to be fair, they die down in whispers, but not in speculation. chenle can't even glance at you without another post popping up on heeseung's (frankly terrible) gossip blog about how he's obsessed.

and maybe there's some truth there (but chenle would never admit that, he can't give lee heeseung credence, he actually likes himself), but no one should ever know that, and hopefully you don't, he knows you don't read all the shit online. you do enjoy completely irritating chenle, though, he doesn't remember the last day he had that wasn't fueled by your annoying rants.

now, it's become mundane for you to be everywhere, and though it's never uttered, chenle really doesn't mind. he finds your presence to be enjoying, you entertain him like no other.

so no matter how much he tries to feign stubbornness, he loves your company. it's amazing how someone so annoying could also be someone so entertaining, and so.. well— beautiful too.

it's strange how easily you two fall into a rhythm of just existing together. chenle feels as if his life would be stranger if you weren't showing up abruptly for another strange conversation to follow.

it does become friendship, yes, but you two never say it. there's a peculiar romantic line there that you guys never bring up, there are too many almost kissing moments that never actually amount to kissing. chenle thinks you must be playing with him, psychologically torturing him. you fucking know, he can see it in your stupid smile.

but he doesn't say anything, not wanting to think he's getting it all wrong. if there's something chenle has learned about you, it's that you're unpredictable, and seeing as how you usually act with your other friends, being super affectionate is naturally your thing.

chenle doesn't want to seem stupid, it would be so embarrassing if the feelings he's spent a good few months trying to ignore turned out to be unrequited.

"is this your idea of a dat— oh my god you have a puppy!?"

your voice pitches up as you catch sight of daegal, cooing at the puppy who barked as she saw you enter. chenle glances at you, your eyes practically shining as you stare at his dog. he barely bites back his smile. "this is daegal, she's my daughter".

you kneel down to get a closer look at the adorable puppy, lips jutted into a pout. "hi daegal! how are you?"

though she's a little hostile at first, she takes one step forward, and you ruffle her hair, earning an excited yelp. you look like your about to burst into tears with how adorable she is, and you cast your eyes at chenle. "she's so cute chenle.."

"are you gonna cry?"

you shake your head, but chenle still isn't convinced. "i love her, i should come here more often!" daegal makes a sound you take as agreement, and you gasp again.

"oh wow, you're already replacing me with my dog?"

"absolutely" daegal jumps into your arm, and you melt into the feeling. you close your eyes, basking in the air of chenle's dormitory. "she likes me more than you do".

chenle narrows his eyes, but he can't even pretend to be pissed, because you simply look so ecstatic, how could he even be mad?

"okay baby, come here" he doesn't even have to move his hand, but daegal leaps out of your arms to circle around chenle. "you can't just steal y/n from me" he teases, carrying her in his arms as he makes his way over to his room.

he hears your overdramatic gasp in the distance, the words certainly surprising. "did i just hear what i think i heard!?"

you're practically hopping as you follow behind chenle towards his room, barely able to contain your own excitement. "oh my god you like me!"

chenle snaps his head towards you, a piercing (yet faked) glare in his eyes. "no dummy, were mortal enemies".

"i heard that~" you sing, turning on your heel to glance around chenle's room. "you just always have that large stephen curry poster on your wall?"

"he's my idol" chenle places daegal on his bed, she immediately curls up beside one of his pillows and settles, relaxing.

"seems like an obsession".

"you don't get stephen curry like i do".

you stare incredulously, a small smile on your face. you place your chin onto chenle's shoulder, watching his once serene expression become one of irritation, his eye twitching. "maybe not, but i definitely get you now".

chenle raises an eyebrow, silently questioning those words in the reflection of his mirror. he blinks, almost afraid to catch your eyes, but he already has, he's staring at your spitting image right now.

you peel yourself on him, a dramatic sigh falling from your lips as you stare, hands on your hips. "how long have you had a crush on me?"

chenle narrows his eyes. "excuse me?"

"come on! give me an honest answer! i won't laugh, i like you too you know, it's honestly kind of cute—"

"y/n".

you pause, chenle knew you were about to begin a ramble, so you shut up, angering him not really being on your list of things to do. you give him the stage to speak his mind, and he deadpans at you. "you are so annoying".

"does that mean you do have a crush on me?"

he stares, fighting the smile that threatens to break on his face. "you are so annoying, it's stupid how i have a crush on you, it's so dumb! you're so annoying but it's also what makes you endearing, and charming, and cute and fuck you!"

and maybe chenle does spit such hurtful words, but he doesn't mean them. his face is unbearably red, cheeks heated to the max, it's embarrassing that he's admitting this to you, now all he has left to do is kill himself and change the trajectory of your life forever.

you stare for a moment, and then you begin laughing, small giggles falling from your lips in such a rapid pace chenle is afraid you'll die.

"you always tell people you like them by shouting?"

"you're so annoying".

"is that your way of saying you love me?" you ask, stepping closer with your hands clasped together. "maybe we should talk about it".

"do you want me to die..?" he mutters, face still incredibly hot. he glares again, but he can't even keep his composure. "i'll take back that confession".

"aww, i like it when you yell at me though".

chenle shoves you backward, yet he smiles anyway. you're so annoying, but maybe there's allurement sprinkled in that he can't exactly ignore. "i fucking hate you.." he mumbles.

you again stare, simply pure adoration in your eyes. you again step closer, fingers grazing his jaw in gentle swipes along the edges. you pause, uncharacteristically silent. "can i kiss you?"

chenle stops. oh! well he didn't expect for this to happen now. he looks up, staring for much too long, thinking for much too long. "i— um, yeah.. yes".

the response fizzles into the air, overtaken by the influx of your cherry flavored chapstick, his bottom lip caught between your teeth as your finger draw shapes into his hip. chenle didn't guess this one, maybe it's because he always bites first, but then again, unpredictability is a thing with you.

your teeth scrape against the plush, pink skin, not rough enough to draw blood, you have courtesy. the action produces just the slightest hint of a whimper from chenle, what a fuel to your ego.

when you two pull away for air, chenle's first move is to avoid eye contact. you giggle at the sight of his cherry red cheeks, your fingers still graze his jaw, slowly turning his head in your direction. "hi".

maybe chenle's smile is too wide, but he's done giving a fuck. he begins fiddling with the zipper of your sweater, trying to distract himself. you again laugh, seemingly amused by his actions. "let's not do this before i take you on a date" you whisper, implications high in the air.

chenle's cheeks again flare up, and much too easily as well. "you think i wanna sleep with you right after we just kissed?"

"people are strange.. and you are people".

"you think i'm moving too quick" chenle pokes your cheek, resisting the urge to place a kiss onto it, maybe not now. you hum happily, intertwining your fingers.

"i didn't say it, let me treat you before sex".

the words are much too honest, but chenle loves honest. it's so stupid, you're so stupid. "what makes you think we're having sex?"

"oh just wait".

chenle frowns, eyebrows furrowing. "that sounds like a threat" he states, scratching behind his ear.

you whistle again, hands behind your back as you laugh. "you've definitely said worse, i'll treat you well".

you hold your hand out again, and chenle takes it without any hesitation, basking in the feeling of your soft hands on his own. "okay, i'm holding you to that, if you fail i'll hang your head on my wall".

you snicker, nudging him. "see? you are worse! it's obvious!"

chenle scowls, but it's so lighthearted that he can't even call it a scoff anymore. "you're so annoying".

you tug at his hand, a small act of defiance. "thank you, enemy".

your fingers slip from chenle's, and he can't fight his smile. you're so annoying, yes, but you're also so pretty.

"CAN YOU STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE YOU WANT to kill me?" if chenle thinks about it, you really are jaemin's twin. jaemin's stare is reminiscent of the ones you share with chenle whenever he glares, arms crossed, nose scrunched. jaemin's lips turn downward into a frown, a frown that directly copies yours, wow, you two are simply carbon copies of each other, no wonder you're such good friends. chenle finds it weird that almost anything can remind him of you now, considering you two have only been dating for two weeks (where did all the time go?), his terrible staring problem hasn't gotten any better anyway, he can stare at you with free reign whenever he wants to. it's too hard to be stubborn when he's so obvious, especially because you could just raise an eyebrow and he'd crumble (only a little though, not all the way).

"how else am i supposed to stare at you?" chenle's eyes hold a certain distaste, and jaemin lets out a loud, overdramatic sigh. "do you always have to ask me stupid questions?"

his hands fall at his sides, an action that chenle judges in it's entirety. "jeno would treat me better than this.."

"go sit with him then".

chenle doesn't have to tell him twice, he stomps his feet like a baby and trudges towards where jeno sits. he can barely stifle his laughter, something about jaemin's stupid way of responding to things is amusing.

chenle might just leave right now, it's not like this is one of the games that one of jaemin's random friends is playing at, this is simply a random volleyball game for a team he doesn't really care about (with no offense to the players).

his hands scratch at the fabric of his pants, he's only here because he decided to give into jaemin's incessant begging. oh screw na jaemin.

"this fucking sucks.."

"is this becoming your thing?"

chenle startles, jumping from his spot with a small squeak. he then relaxes when he sees you, a glare settling in his eyes. "you need to stop doing that" he responds, and you snicker, completely amused. "i didn't think you were coming".

"i was looking for you" you whisper, hands behind your back. "since when is jaemin so convincing to you?"

"he isn't, he's just annoying".

"wonder where i've heard that before" you feign thought, tapping your finger onto your chin. your lips turn up as you catch chenle roll his eyes, he's simply so easy to irritate. "you're so mean to me".

"that's my job".

you gasp, hand placing itself over your heart. "you just stole my cue".

i've unconsciously begun taking up some of your habits too, what the fuck is up with that?

the words aren't said, though. chenle simply reaches over and takes your hand, deciding to not say the obvious. you stare for a moment, then your lips turn up in their usual manner.

"that happens when i spend so much time around you" he tugs you forward by your hand, practically pressing you against him. "i'm picking up your annoying habits".

"is annoying your favorite word?"

"annoying is what you are".

you narrow your eyes, swinging your laced hands back and forth. "but you love me" you sing, much too enamored to even be bothered by his insults.

chenle scoffs, but he doesn't deny, simply squeezes your hand. it's difficult to care about anyone else when you're right here, even the people who send you weird looks (which is strange considering everyone already thought you were dating before you actually were, why is it weird that you two are holding hands?).

he shakes his head. "absolutely not".

you frown, that sick, sad frown that is just much too convincing. there's no reason for you to look so sad so flawlessly, chenle wants to punch you in the face. it's how he'll show his love for you.

the game won't start for a long time, he probably would've died of boredom if you hadn't shown up. "hey you wanna go?"

chenle glances at you. "go where?"

"literally anywhere but here" you state, nudging him with your shoulder. "i won't bore you much, i swear".

chenle sighs, he has no argument for that, he would rather be anywhere but here. "if jaemin texts you, don't answer".

you snicker at that, looking down at the ground. "he's going to think you killed me or something" you mutter, just lightly shuddering at the cold air that hits you both as you exit through the door.

"maybe i will" he responds, his rings would usually clash against your hand if not for the feeling being so mundane. "i have to rip you away from daegal, she's getting too used to you".

"is threatening to kill me your way of showing love?"

chenle stares for a moment, simply basking in everything. your intertwined fingers, the cool evening air, the comfort of it all, maybe chenle isn't exactly all that mad at jaemin, you're right here beside him, talking your ass off, and he laughs, it's all so funny. "sometimes you piss me off".

"i'm hoping you said that with love".

it's gotten much too difficult to successfully act serious around you, you're too funny. "of course i did, stupid".

you raise an eyebrow, an action that makes chenle sigh. you have to know that's his weakness, it's much too easy to get him. "say it, please?"

chenle cannot believe the audacity you have. you greatly piss him off, you bat your eyelashes as you patiently wait for him to confess his love to you.

chenle lets out a loud, exasperated breath. you're so annoying.

"i love you".

your face lights up, cheeks flaring at the confession. you press a kiss to chenle's cheek, enamored.

"i love you too".

[neoswift]

i see this as an absolute win!

PAIRING. rich boy!jaemin x fem!oc

CATEGORY. filo mini smau, fluff, humor, crack, one-sided pining

WARNINGS. language

SYNOPSIS. rb!jaemin gets set up on a blind date by his father for an event and turns out, the girl is his crush’s neighbor and—wait, they actually live in the same condo complex? [or alternatively: jaemin and june's first interaction outside twitter.]

more rb!jaemin here!

NOTES. this became longer than i intended im sorry yall i just wanted to try something new with the narrations lmk if mas gusto nyo ba ganito or yung plain white na narrations lang HAHAHAHA may typo rin sa isang narrations ng panel 26 thats supposed to be "too convinced" my bad 🤟🏼🤟🏼

AY ALSO !! meet amby… will she be important? who knows chareng 🤭🤭🤭 as always sa college aus ko, theyre students sa nu... neo university HAHAHAHAHA jaemin1stwin tayo ngayon besties sana manalo ulit si rb!jm ☝🏼☝🏼 HAHAHAAHAHA

TAGLIST. @archivedmkl @nctasdfghj @wooyoung-a @morkleetrash @kkotjia @i-aecrysture @injunified @smolpeyy @pepperrye @hibuki-chan @hannie-dul-set @chanfilms @yiz-yo @anya-writes-stuff @w0nderr @mihyu-ckie @remisaki @fullsunld @main-figuresk8-sunghoonie @dejavukirstein @seijenoh @renjun-pretty @skzbeyleynjasnct @yoitbb @najaeminluvbot @hazyru @lune1897 @heynayu @chimajeyn @rensaure @13isacoolnumber @liljeongseong @marahuyornjn @eureah @markleepooh @000rpheus @nanayogurt @luvenshiti @j-8star @flovezen @jaeyuuns @yoonhanzjaem @ssuungchans @shairamaexx @hibernatinghamster @roseltgiri @tangerinelovelees

[mintbnny]

Sinusubukan sa Lamig ❄️

Doon sa Norway sa kaniyang gabing madilim at malamig na klimang punong-puno ng niyebe, maikli ang mga araw sa itaas ng Arctic Circle. Sa kabaligtaran na man, mahaba ang mga gabi, sumasayaw ang mga ilaw galing sa Aurora Borealis buong gabi. Humahampas sa iyo ang malamig na hangin, papamlayin ang mga pandama mo kagaya sa mga kasulatan sa buhangin na nawawala sa pagdating ng mga alon. Natatakpan ng mga pine ang mga higanteng bundok na nakatayong matayog sa puting background; pakiramdam mo maliit ka laban dito. Nababalot ang mga sigaw mo sa kaguluhan ng niyebe at hamog ng yelo, paano ka maririnig ng sinuman kung nasa magagandang tanawin ng Taiga? Ano ba talaga ang kahalagaan mo sa landscape na ito?

Sa visual novel na Dawn Chorus, ikaw ang protag na sumali sa isang 5-araw na college science camp na naka-istasyon sa Norway, sa itaas ng Arctic Circle. Masisiyahan ka sa malalawak na tanawin habang nakikinig din sa mga ekstrakurikular na lektura. Sa camp trip na ito, makatatagpo ka ng mga kaibigan at mga estranghero na sasamahan ka sa paglalakbay na ito. Magbabahagi kayo ng mga bagong karanasan sa nakamamanghang paglalakbay na ito sa loob ng Arctic Circle at mula sa mga pakikibaka at problema ng nakaraan. Sigurado akong pagkatapos ng science camp na ito, aalis ka na may bago at mahalaga sa iyo. Sa biswal na nobelang ito, maaari kang pumili ng isa sa walong dateable na character na personal mong makakasama sa buong paglalakbay mo sa kampo. Nagbabahagi kayo ng mga pakikibaka sa mga paglalakbay at natututo kung paano umunlad nang sama-sama. 

Sa entry na ito, tatalakayin ko ang aking mga karanasan at malalim na pagmamahal sa isa sa mga tauhan sa laro na lubos kong nararamdaman.

Isang Norweigan na deer si Rune na nagsusumikap sa neuroscience bilang major, hindi lang iyon kung hindi napaka-aktibo rin niya sa maraming ekstrakurikular, isang athletic na manlalaro sa samu't saring sports, at isang nagsusumikap na artist o musician. Napaka- ambisyosa at masipag niya, pero may limitasyon kung ano ang magagawa niya sa kaniyang oras; gaano kalaki ang makakaya niya; sa kapasidad ng pasensya niya at hanggang wala na talaga. Tinuro sa kaniya ng paglaki sa isang napaka-awtoritaryang bahay ang magtakda ng matataas na pamantayan para sa kanyang sarili; mga pamantayang mahirap lampasan. Maaaring maging dahilan ng nakasasamang pag-iisip ang sobrang ambisyosong mga layunin at pamantayang lalo na sa kung paano nakikita ng isang tao ang kanilang sarili. Nagpapakita si Rune ng mga aksiyon katulad ng labis na hindi pag-iimbot, pagpapabaya sa mga personal na pangangailangan, at pagkabigo sa sarili kapag ang hindi natutugunan kaniyang mga pamantayan, na karaniwang na mga pattern na maaaring mabuo ng isang tao sa gayong mga pag-iisip. Pinapakita ng kaniyang paglalakbay sa kampo ang pagsisikap at pagnanais na maging kasing malugod at ambisyoso sa kaniyang mga kaibigan at kasamahan, subalit pinapanatili niya ang sarili sa baba dulot ng napakatinding hirap ng trabaho, mga inaasahan mula sa kaniya, at sariling mga pamantayan. Tulad ng kung paano sinisira ng isang pagkakamali ang lahat ng kanyang pinaghirapan. Ganito ang hitsura ng matinding burnout.

Napakaseryosong isyu ito para sa mga mag-aaral sa kasalukuyan, Nakakaapekto ang akademikong burnout sa mga personal at panlipunang buhay ng mga mag-aaral. Ipinakikita ng isang pag-aaral na 40.01% ng mga mag-aaral ang nag-ulat na nakararanas ng kanais-nais na mga kondisyon sa pananaliksik, 55.16% naman ang nag-ulat na mayroong ilang antas ng akademikong burnout, 3.55% ang nag-ulat na nakakaranas ng matinding pagka-burnout sa akademya, at 1.28% ang nag-ulat na nakakaranas ng matinding pagka-burnout sa akademya. Higit na nauugnay ito sa mga napaka-akademikong paaralan tulad ng PSHS dahil nagsusumikap ang kanilang mga mag-aaral para sa kahusayan at mataas na pamantayang pang-akademiko na inaasahang itaguyod ng mga mag-aaral. Maaaring makaapekto ang burnout sa pagganap at mental na kagalingan ng isang mag-aaral, maraming isyu ang maaaring magmumula sa pagka-burnout tulad ng pagkabalisa, depresyon, at pagkabigo.

Ngunit mahalagang tanggapin na hindi pa huli ang lahat para pigilan ang iyong sarili mula sa gayong pag-iisip, hindi ito kaagad sapagkat isang proseso. Para kay Rune, napagtanto niya na gawa-gawa at hindi makatwiran ang lahat ng kaniyang mga inaasahan at pamantayan gaya ng kaniyang pananaw sa buhay. Sa panibagong pananaw, natutunan niya kung paano mahalin ang kanyang sarili, alamin ang kanyang mga limitasyon, at alaming hindi maaaring matamo ang lahat gaya ng inakala niya. Napakahalaga ng pag-alam sa mga limitasyon at kapasidad ng isang tao upang mapagtagumpayan ang gayong pag-iisip at pagkapagod, maaaring magbigay ng maraming pananaw sa buhay na magagamit ng isang tao upang matulungan ang kanilang sarili ang pagbibigay ng priyoridad sa iyong sarili. Ngunit ang mahalaga, walang sinuman ang talagang nag-iisa. Tinulungan ng protag si Rune na malampasan ang kaniyang mga problema, sa pamamagitan ng pagiging laging nasa tabi niya at palaging nagpapakita ng pagmamahal at suporta kay Rune. Matutulungan ka ng mga kaibigan at pamilya sa mga pagsubok na ito, huwag kalimutan na palaging may isang tao na tutulong sa iyo kapag nalulumbay.

Manhid sa niyebe ang lahat, maaaring magdadala ng pamamanhid sa iyo sa hirap, ngunit huwag kalimutan na ang suporta at pagmamahal ang iyong pinagsusumikapan. Sa madilim at hindi kanais-nais na lugar na ito, ang iyong sarili ang kailangan mong harapin, at tandaang pagmamahal at pag-uunawa sa kalooban ang pinakamahusay na paraan upang harapin ito.

References:

Weber, A., & Jaekel-Reinhard, A. (2000). Burnout syndrome: a disease of modern societies?. Occupational medicine, 50(7).

Liu, Z., Xie, Y., Sun, Z., Liu, D., Yin, H., & Shi, L. (2023). Factors associated with academic burnout and its prevalence among university students: a cross-sectional study. BMC medical education, 23(1), 317. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12909-023-04316-y

Art 1: https://x.com/evphye/status/1831382091155829189?t=Uf3naL3eXjUPPD2_CT780A&s=19

Art 2: https://fxtwitter.com/Artefeliussy/status/1828979103891886180?t=Uf3naL3eXjUPPD2_CT780A&s=19

Art 3: https://x.com/inlanders_/status/1805024025434865683?t=x0QoFypFBXV_WPG0qf8sNg&s=19

Art 4: https://x.com/crimsonann/status/1813685419067969672?t=x0QoFypFBXV_WPG0qf8sNg&s=19

[deviltohell]

Reabilitação| Bill & Stan

Gosto de pensar em Stan se a reabilitação de Bill pós-canone, vejo muitos dizendo que eles teriam um ódio platônico, mas sinto que Stan trataria Bill como uma criança para ser supervisionada (independente da aparência, Bill estaria miserável em todas), ele tem que ensina as coisas básicas de ser 'humano' para que ele possa viver naquele mundo agora, por que seu irmão estúpido está apenas usando o como um bode de pesquisa, ele argumenta com Ford 'voce não vai conseguir as respostas ser ele for um cadáver', funciona bem, Stan tem um bom ponto, mesmo que não seja admitido, e por um momento se pergunta se, casa acontecesse, Ford teria realmente um jeito de conseguir respostas de um cadáver, é um pensamento assombroso.

Então apenas Bill teria pensamentos confuso sobre o humano que o enganou: eu deveria socar aquela cara safada.

Mas ele não faz, ele retruca todas a piadinhas de mal gosto de Stan, ele está lá acompanhando o seu 'inimigo' para checar a cabana mistériosa, repete que aquilo é melhor que passa horas no laboratório frio de Stanford, e é verdade, havia uma clima horrível entre eles, onde nem uma das típicas piadinha de Bill alivia a tensão

Por outro lado Stan é fácil de lidar, aquele cara é casca dura, esperto e resmungão, ele entende as piadas de primeira e ainda faz mais uma encima. Ele ainda sente raiva, e pensa em sua futura vingança, mas só Stanley e Mabel que são razoáveis com ele, e de alguma forma são uma boa fonte de entretenimento por ser muito caótico, e o caos o faz lembrar de sua dimensão.

Mabel vive o dando dicas sobre namoro e superação, todos ignoram seu apelo por salvação daquela conversa, ele tem que mostra para ela que “superou” (nunca teve que atender um pedido tão difícil como esse), e paquerou algum humano tosco. A consequência de seu ato foi um conversa sobre como funciona o corpo humano e sua forma reprodutiva. Definitivamente odeia aquele Pines.

Mas ele está apenas fugindo de madrugada do laboratório de Ford, para vê Stan dormindo naquela poltrona velha, ainda por cima roncando mais alto que tudo, ele se senta ao lado do móvel, com uma manta para se cobrir do frio da noite. Bill está apenas em negação, pra ele isso é apenas manter o 'inimigo' sob seu olhar, nunca seria algum tipo de afeto. E ele odiava o escritório de Stanford, simplesmente sentia todas as mágoas do passado o perseguido, querendo o fazer correr mais rápido possível para o bar na fronteira interdimensional, mas não tem tal escolha disponível.

Stan perceber o comportamento estranho de Bill, ele simplesmente não se importa o suficiente, acredita que certas coisas precisam ser descobertas sozinhas, e talvez Bill encontre um lugar no mundo, sem precisa destruí ele, ou qualquer coisa do tipo.

Stan está tão calmo, com uma serenidade fora do padrão de vigarista, ele se sente assim sempre que pensa que passou a cabana frente, que Soos estava cuidado bem dela, e de certa maneira, a cabana ainda continuava nos negócios da família. Os gêmeos vem os visita todo verão tão animados como sempre, e isso o encher de algo reconfortante.

Axoloti está por debaixo dos panos, observando Bill de longe, para vê se seu método de reabilitação iria funcionar.