#n then the song ended eventually and there was this voice memo

[publicuniversalenemy]

good GOD when you realize you’ll never get to hear that song ever again

[yogurtkags]

❝ IF NOT FOR YOU ❞ — semi eita

— 02. sweet nothing

“they said the end is comin', everyone’s up to somethin', i find myself runnin' home to your sweet nothings. outside, they’re push and shovin', you're in the kitchen hummin', all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothin'”

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“join us for a jam sesh later? we can show them the song, rest of the boys are going to be there.” the end of that sentence is laced with a tinge of bitterness, and eita likes to think that it’s hidden behind a forced cough and a minuscule amount of cellphone static.

he wants to show off what you’ve been working on because he’s proud, he always is, but as much as he refuses to admit it, he wants you all to himself just as it’s always been since the beginning. if inviting you over to band practice (“we’re not a band, we just play together sometimes and perform my songs at gigs”) with the guys is what it takes to see you, or hell, even just hear from you, he’ll make do.

the lyrics of the song are really sweet, he thinks it might be the first love song you’ve written fully. a part of him wonders what, or rather who, inspired you to write it, but perhaps it’s not his place to know. it won’t stop a part of him from wishing it was him though, and frankly he’s not sure what to make of that information just yet.

you had a rough skeleton of an idea for the instrumentals but pretty much gave him free reign with this one which he’s not going to say no to, making sure to sprinkle in a little bit of his own taste into it — heavier instruments are more of his forte, having countless alternative and rock musicians listed as his personal inspirations. the final product's a fine mix of you and him, perfectly balanced and no more of one or the other. he’s very proud of it, proud of you, as with everything that you do together.

his thumb hovers over the send button, the preview of his short voice message looping while he contemplates deleting it. it’s starting to get grating with how long it’s been going for, his pathetic voice doing nothing but making him overthink even more. he doesn’t know if he’s being presumptuous to imagine it but it seems like you’re... avoiding him?

it’s been more than a week with barely any texts or random voice memos, you're usually blowing up his phone with silly memes and song demos, or even as simple as asking how his day has been. nothing since the last time he came over and finished the song with you. he noticed something seemed up at the time but didn’t press, now the guilt eats at him for not at least trying to ask. you always did keep your troubles to yourself, preferring to handle them on your own and keeping him in the dark about it until it either got too much and eventually bubbled past the surface, or fizzled over and only coming out casually in conversation once it’s a thing of the past. but who's he to judge, he's not any better.

maybe he’s reading too much into it, you’ll tell him with time as you always do, right? maybe he’s blowing it out of proportion, maybe you just had a bad day before seeing him, or you’re just tired, or— enough, now i’m just overthinking again.

finally releasing his bottom lip from the onslaught of his teeth, he bites the bullet and hits send, tossing his phone on his nightstand. as he lays back down on the stiff mattress, the arm thrown over his face shields the glaring sunlight breaming down on his face. it’s way too bright in comparison for the thoughts swirling in his head and with a sigh, he uses the foot hanging off his bed to tug the curtains close.

give her time, she’ll come to you when she’s ready.

i just hope she’s okay.

well shit.

the realisation that there even a slight possibility that you're in love with eita hits you like a splash of ice cold water to the face. you won’t lie and say that you didn’t have your suspicions, but it’s been just so long, brushing it off as the closeness of childhood friends. he’s your best friend, the first one you contact with good news, the first name that comes to mind when asked to invite a plus one, the first person you think of when you see those tiktoks of lovesick poems captioned “who do you picture when you read this?”, the list goes on.

in some way or another, this is what you always wanted, someone who understands your ins and outs and to spend your years with. eita was always the only option you’ve considered, but god you’re scared.

you feel a little sick to your stomach, the thought of it all weighing too heavily on your mind. there’s just too much at stake here, and you’re hell bent on not letting whatever the hell these damned feelings are jeopardise years of what you’ve built together. unknowingly in a similar spot, you find yourself curled up in bed, head swimming with worst case scenarios and make-believe narratives that say this is doomed for disaster.

light knocks on your door gently pluck you from the stirring storm in your head and with an muffled “i’m coming in!”, hitoka shuffles into your room and audibly coos at your deposition.

“hey, you left your phone out on the counter and it went off a couple times. i think semi messaged you too, thought you might want to see it.”

speak of the devil.

with a small smile that doesn’t even come close to reaching your eyes, you take your phone from her hand with a mix of gratitude and dread, “thanks hitoka. i- can i ask you something?”

“yeah what’s up? everything okay?” she sits by your side, her pretty, youthful features plagued with concern.

the posters on your wall suddenly seem like the most interesting things in the room, your eyes meekly darting around and refusing to meet hers. a wave of embarrassment washes over you from head to toe as you mull over your thoughts, collecting and trying to put them into words without sounding like a total idiot. this is stupid, you open your mouth for a moment and close it in the next, the words stuck in your throat and you’re already regretting bringing it up. you’re not ready for this conversation as much as you want to and it festers and grows and feeds on the seeds of doubt sprouting.

her small, smooth uncalloused hand closes over the back of yours in assurance and comfort, the small action causing a surge of peace and calm to flow through you, “it’s about him, isn’t it?”

nodding in shame, you hesitantly speak up, quietly, “hypothetically if i did have feelings for him—what if he doesn’t feel the same way? i won’t be able to look at him again.”

hitoka sighs dramatically, “first off, it’s a hundred percent not hypothetical who are you even kidding, surely not me. second, have you seen the way he looks at you? i’m surprised you haven’t caught on sooner.”

when you remain silent, she takes it as a cue to continue, squeezing your hand, “listen, i don’t know him as well as you do by a long shot, but i know feelings when i see it, and that man is very into you. and don’t even come at me with that ‘but we’re best friends’ bullshit, you don’t act that way with kenma and vice versa.”

you stifle a laugh at that last part, feeling a little tension release from your muscles after listening to her perspective. she’s nothing but truthful and supportive especially when it comes to anything (especially serious) concerning you and your heart swirls with warmth that you have someone like her to talk to about these things, the boys aren’t much help but you still love them dearly.

“i’ve been running away from him for days, i haven’t spoken to him since the last time he came over.” you mumble, rolling onto your back and staring at the ceiling, eyes fixed on the rotating fan and letting it blur in your vision as your hand still remains clasped in hitoka’s.

you feel the weight of guilt on your shoulders for shutting him out so abruptly, the sudden rush of feelings leaving you dumbfounded in its wake. your instinct was to hide and let it pass, hoping he wouldn’t catch on, but you never stopped to consider what it might look like to him. truthfully, the longest you’ve ever been apart was when your family went on holidays overseas, never if you could help it — you miss him.

remembering that he sent a message, you opened it up, letting the sound of his voice flit through the still air within your four walls. it sends a tingle down your spine and causes a soft involuntary smile to stretch across your lips, it’s like music to your ears.

“i swear to god, you two are disgusting.” hitoka lightheartedly complains as she rolls her eyes, getting up to leave you be. “go see your man before i throw up.”

“shut up, it’s not like we’ll be alone!” you retort, flipping her off as she’s shutting the door with a click, hearing a yeah yeah yeah echo down the hall.

taglist. open (link to form) @wyrcan @cheesypuffkins87 @peachyugoose @tetzoro

@twiishaa @samuel1004 @blueparadis

notes. hi it’s been a while since we've seen our two blindly lovesick pals :3 no fun facts this time, just a little filler chapter !! they’re so stupid and lovesick PLEASE— also band lineup in the next one ! big love to @mikiruie for beta reading < 3

© yogurtkags. please do not repost, plagiarise, or translate my work.

[mingtinys]

Hongjoong as a Boyfriend

pairing : kim hongjoong x gn!reader

fluff , headcanon , angst if you squint

warnings : language , mentions of arguments

word count : 1.3k

requested ? yes

a/n : finished this just in time for our dear captain’s birthday!

Hongjoong is an interesting case.

Because he's never been one who actively seeks out relationships. In fact, he quite avidly avoids them.

It's not that he's repulsed by the idea of a significant other. But he's a very busy man, and just isn't at a point in his life where he's ready to slow down and focus on finding love.

He's pretty content where he is in life, so throwing in a partner seems complicated.

Or so he thought.

Literally, the second you walked into his life it was game over, he was completely and utterly infatuated with everything about you.

I mean this man looks at and talks about you as if you hold the world in your hands.

And the more he tried to ignore his crush, the worse it got. Until one day he couldn't take it anymore and finally asked you on a date.

He's pretty good at finding a nice work-life-to-love-life balance.

He's still very busy, though he's discovered finding time for someone is extremely easy when you truly care about them.

Having a s/o who's also very understanding of his fast paced and hectic life also helps.

Patience in a s/o really is key for Hongjoong.

Like, I'm sorry but this man is so bad at texting back/responding in general. He will reply eventually! But maybe in a few hours, give or take. Especially if he's "in the zone" while working at the studio.

But he shows his love in many other ways.

He absolutely loves spoiling you, nothing is too expensive or fancy when it comes to treating you how he sees fit. So expect lots of date nights at high-end, candle-lit restaurants, and shiny jewelry.

Hongjoong also likes to let you borrow his clothing and accessories.

For one, he thinks you look adorable in his style. For two, nothing fills his ego more than when someone compliments your outfit and he gets to hear you say "thanks, it's my boyfriend's."

His style ends up rubbing off on you and the two of you end up unironically matching quite a bit.

You're also one of the only people Hongjoong doesn't physically cringe at when it comes to skinship. So although it's not his go-to form of affection, he finds your kisses and cuddles very pleasing.

It's honestly 50/50 with him.

Either he's going to physically combust if he isn't constantly in contact with you some way somehow.

(He gets so pouty and touchy if you aren't giving him enough attention.)

Or

He shoos away your attempts at cuddles and suggests just spending quality time together instead.

Quality time being Hongjoong's main love language.

He really cherishes the small moments with you. Like drinking coffee together in the morning, watching a movie or show together, grabbing lunch between your schedules, and naps. He's very big on taking naps together!!!

He loves nothing more than to doze off with you by his side, one arm draped over your waist and pulling you closer to him during your slumber.

Anywhere, anytime. Your apartment, his dorm, cuddled up on his studio sofa, backstage before a show, nothing is off limits.

The rest of the members have a camera roll full of sleeping Joong and you for blackmail.

Hongjoong really values your opinion and strives for your validation, so it's not uncommon to receive voice memos and snippets of songs or lyrics he's been working on to see if you like them.

Other times he'll call and ask if you can come over to keep him company in the studio while he works on music, it helps him focus and he can ask for your opinion in real-time.

The way his face lights up when you compliment his work rivals the sun itself. He gets so giddy and excited, rambling on and on about his thought process.

"Really, you like it!? Did you notice what I did with the backtrack in the second verse? I wasn't sure if a descending scale would work but I think it turned out pretty cool. Especially with the lyrics—"

You're also the first person he runs to when he gets stuck in a slump or overwhelmed with all of his responsibilities.

It took him a while to learn he's allowed to show the weaker parts of himself and lean on you for support. He used to always try to tough it out and bottle it up, but you know him too well for him to hide anything. So eventually, he just starts immediately going to you, and he's so thankful for it.

You really have a way of calming his nerves and talking him through whatever is bothering him.

The same also goes for you.

If you're having a bad day or just seem even a little bit off, he drops everything and gives you his undivided attention. He always knows how best to comfort you without you ever saying a single word.

This one may be obvious, but Hongjoong is easily prone to jealousy. But it's usually never that serious and he just gets pouty.

So just shower him with attention in a crowded room and he'll be fine.

On the flip side of this, he likes to flaunt you and show off that he's the one who gets to be with you.

Or when you show him off ???? Good lord, it really gets him going.

Literally any time you refer to him as "my boyfriend" or he gets to call you "my partner" he gets the cockiest fucking smirk on his face. So show him off and you're pretty much guaranteed a very exciting night.

Although he wants nothing more than to brag about you to the world, he'd likely want to keep your relationship out of the press in the beginning.

He's already figuring out how to juggle work and tours with a love life. He really doesn't need to add a press leak to the mix.

But once things become more serious and solidified, he'd likely want to stop hiding your relationship and go public. He knows the consequences of idols publically dating and is more than prepared to handle them so you don't have to.

However, if that's not something you want then he'll respect those wishes.

Serious arguments with Hongjoong are few and far in between. 

Usually, the petty ones end in teasing and laughter, never actually hurtful.

But on occasion, one of you strikes a nerve or unintentionally crosses a boundary and you both lose your temper.

I can't imagine him full-out yelling, but Hongjoong's voice is sharp when it's raised and can come out harsher than intended.

He's hard headed, so it takes time after an argument for him to cool down enough and see where he might have been in the wrong. Once he does though he'll seek you out and ask to talk so he can apologize.

You're also not always completely innocent in these situations. You know exactly which of his buttons to press to get a rise out of him and do so without thinking.

In these situations, Hongjoong will snap back and call you out for it before storming away.

He'll give you the hardest time when you come to apologize and be all petty at first, but it's all an act. Hongjoong really does appreciate and recognize the strength it takes to admit when you're wrong, so he won't leave you hanging for too long.

Overall, a relationship with Hongjoong will be what the two of you make it. It's flexible and sometimes a little unorthodox, but it's filled with meaningful love, and that's what really matters.

[goldensstateofgrace]

What about y/n asking BSF!Harry to teach her how to give a blow job?

Bsf!harry teaches how to give a blowjob.

Ok so I’ve completely lost my laptop charger lmao 😅🤦‍♀️ so I sucked it up and wrote this on my phone so if it sucks that what we’re going to blame it on! 😂BUT I’m back ??!?! MAYBE lol i really missed writing! 

Warnings: blowjob, throat grabbing ( NOT VIOLENT ( Not choking bc its loose and not meant in that way) nothing else?? Lmk if not!!

Word Count: 2247

I hope you enjoy!! Happy reading -G <3

Also this was not proof read or edited so sorry for any mistakes!! 

You and Harry have been best friends since before he auditioned for The X Factor - you and his mothers doing.

He was never a shy person, always singing or humming a tune, playing birthday parties with his band. That’s how you met actually, he and his band played at your now ex best friends birthday party.

You met through a friend of a friend and hit it off right from the start, talking about the same interests you both had in songwriting and music. You ended up talking the whole night, sharing a dance or two before exchanging numbers.

You guys texted each other everyday and pretty much every minute, always bringing up new interests and the most bizarre things. Eventually, you started to hangout with friends, until it was just the two of you watching movies, singing lyrics at the top of your lungs in the car, just having become each other’s best friends.

And that leads to today, watching your best friend up on stage living his dream of being a musician. Harry was on tour for his second album, his fans not knowing that just yesterday he finished recording the last song for his third solo album. He’s let you hear snippets, but nothing fully and it’s driving you crazy.

He uses to do that when he was in the band, sending you voice memos of lyrics in the middle of the night when he was halfway across the world from you. And each and every time you would wake up and listen to it over and over, just to feel a smidge closer to him.

Sometimes you’d even call him, just to hear his voice. He couldn’t talk long most times, but just hearing his voice made you feel butterflies.

That should’ve been the first thing you noticed when you finally realized you liked him, well as more than a friend. You were always yearning to be near him, to hear his voice or just any form of attention from him.

He was your best friend, and you’d never had a boyfriend before. You never had anytime for one, you were always with harry. Hanging out, texting, ect.

So later that night when the show was over and you all had finally gotten back to the hotel, showered and in bed, you realized how inexperienced you were.

You’ve had sex, not the best albeit, but you weren’t a virgin. But you hadn’t really done anything else, your intimate life was pretty vanilla compared to everything harry had told you he’s experienced.

You’ve never even given a blow job.

You haven’t really wanted to with any of the guys you’ve been with, but still.

Your mind took to a deep place where all you could think about was that Harry had probably gotten a lot of blowjobs from different women around the world. That made you jealous. But a hot too.

The wetness between your thighs could be felt through your thin sleep shorts, you were picturing harry naked, that beautiful butterfly tattoo on full display with his legs parted and someone bobbing their head up and down on his cock.

You didn’t even realize what you were doing until your fingers connected with your swollen clit and started circling, the pleasure you were giving yourself completely clouded your imagination, until it wasn’t just ‘someone’ bobbing their head up and down on Harry’s dick, it was you.

Pleasure shot through you, a moan slipping out just as a knock sound at the door and it was pushed open. You’ve never sat up and covered yourself faster.

Harry’s surprised green eyes stare back at you, the extra key card to your room grasped between his lean strong fingers.

You had forgotten that he had a key card to your room, just like you do to his. It was what you always did when you were on tour with him, that way you both could just go right in without have to have someone open the door.

“I-“ you start to say before realizing he was walking closer, the heavy door now closed behind him.

“What we’re you doing?” He Asks you, is voice deep and his eyes bright and filled with heat. His eyes trail down you, to your tank top that’s not hiding the fact that you’re not wearing a bra, to your hard nipples and down to your blanket covered lap. Lingering on your hand that was just down your shorts not even a minute ago.

“Not” you clear your throat, placing a small hesitant smile across your lips, “nothing.” And you leave it at that, the blush heating your cheeks making it apparent that it wasn’t just ‘nothing’.

He stays quiet, just looking between you and your reddened cheeks, you take a moment to take him in. White shirt tightly hugging his toned chest, you could see his tattoos faintly through it and a pair of black gym shorts. The tiger tattoo peaks out just a tad and you imagine yourself riding it.

Your eyes glaze over when you look up just a tad a realize he’s semi hard, the erection bulging just slightly that you can see the outline of him through his shorts.

“Y/n if you don’t stop looking it’s not going to go away.” He all but groans, shifting slightly.

“What if I don’t want it to go away?” You blurt out, your mind not keep up with your words until it’s too late. Your eyes widen when you look up and see the smirk cross his mouth. You imagined this in your head a million times and none of them have gone this way.

“I- uh” you stutter, his hand coming up to your cheek and his rough thumb tracing your bottom lip, pulling it down to show your teeth.

“Fuck, y/n you can’t just say shit like that and not mean it.” He pulls away, the hand that was once on your cheek now running through his damp curls.

“But I did.” You say matter of fact, not shying away when this is all you’ve ever wanted. For him to finally see you, and not just his best friend.

“Fuck, baby.” He moans, he hands coming down to cup your cheeks, his eyes flicker between yours trying to gage if you’re being serious.

You are. You’ve never been more serious in your life.

“I want you harry,” you tilt your chin up slightly, your lips brushing his from how close he is.

Before you could even blink his lips were on yours, his tongue licking the seam of your lips before you part and his tongue collided with yours. It’s all teeth and hot breath, your hands dripping his wrists where his hands are still on your cheeks, holding you to him.

You moan when he nips your bottom lip before pulling it with his teeth.

He groans in response, pushing you back as he climbs on top of you. His thighs straddling your hips and his elbows holding him up on either side of your head.

You’re all hands, tracing up his back before scratching down it. Feeling the taut muscles in his back as his groin meets yours and grinds into you.

His lips leave yours, trailing a hot trail of kisses and nips down the side of your neck before stopping to suck at your pulse point. His hands travel all over you, trailing over your hips before coming up and cupping your breast.

His thumb teases your nipple, tugging and pinching it through your shirt.

“Off,” you moan, and he lifts up, tugging your shirt over your head reveling in your nakedness. “Fuck you’re so beautiful.” His mouth comes down and sucks your nipple into his mouth, sucking and nipping at the bud.

Before long you’re both shirtless and grinding into one another, kissing and tasting.

“Harry,” you moan, “I want to taste you.” Your hand finds his bulge, squeezing and rubbing him through his shorts.

He curses , throwing his head back as his hips push into your hand.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to, baby.” He tells you, his hand coming to rest beside your head as he stares down at you.

You nods, rubbing him as you bit your bottom lip. “I just need you to teach me, teach me how you like it.”

It doesn’t register for a second before he’s looking at you shocked, “you’ve never given a blowjob before?”

Before you can even say anything his lips are on yours, his tongue in your mouth dominating yours in a hot searing kiss.

“Fuck, I love that I’ll be your first.” He kisses you a few more times before he sits up, pulling you with him and stands from the bed.

“On your knees , darling.”

You do as he says instantly, looking up at him with big puppy dog eyes waiting for his next demand.

“Grip me in your hand, squeeze and lick me from base to tip.” He says, eyes watching me intently.

You grip his hard length in yourhand, squeezing him at the base, feeling the vibration as he lets out a deep groan and lick the velvety skin from base to tip, swirling the head with my tongue and teasing his tip. His hips buck towards you, shoving his dick into your cheek.

He pulls out, his hand coming to your cheek as he looks down at you, “sorry, fuck. Sorry, baby, that felt so good.” His thumb strokes my cheek as I light up with a smile.

“It was good?” You ask.

“Yeah, it was good, darling. Now grip me again and pump me while sucking on the tip.”

His hand on your cheek guides you, your hand grips him again as your mouth encases his tip. Swirling your tongues around his tip you begin to suck as your fist starts to pump him.

You grow brave, taking him a bit deeper into your mouth as you still pump him. Your other hand coming around to massage his sac making him let out a deep moan.

He tastes good, pre-cum dripping out of his tip and on your tongue. You continue to take him deeper until he hits the back of your throat and you gag, pulling away.

“Fuck, you’re amazing,” he sighs. His hands cupping your cheeks making you look up at him. You smile, proud that you can make him feel good.

When you’ve caught your breath, you spit Into your hand before you begin pumping him again. Your mouth taking him as you start ti bob your head on him, sucking and twirling your tongue around him.

Harry’s hands grip your hair, his hips moving to match you as you take him in and out of your mouth. As he grows faster you stop moving, your hands gripping onto his waist as he fucks your mouth. He hits the back of your throat as you gag around him, then pulls away.

Taking deep breaths you grip him in your hand, your thumb rubbing the slit on the head, your eyes meet his. They’re bright and full of lust.

“I want to taste you,” you tell him, wanting him to cum in your mouth so you can taste him fully.

“Fuck,” he growls before bending down and kissing your lips, then he’s back in your mouth as you pump and suck him.

You can feel his stomach tighten and his thighs tense, so you sucks him deeper and pump faster, your other hand coming down to massage his sac.

He grips your hair, pulling as he lets out a moan, “I’m gonna come, y/n.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Before he spills into your mouth. The hot Riley cum landing on your tongue, slightly salty but not bad tasting.

“Don’t swallow.” He tells you, pulling out and falling to his knees In front of you.

His hands grip your waist as he pulls you closer, you’re practically straddling his lap when he brings his thumb up to swipe your bottom lip.

“Show me,” he whispers, his eyes flickering between yours.

You open your mouth, showing him himself still on your tongue. He groans as you smirk, his other hand coming up and gently gripping your neck, not hard but like a loose collar.

“Swallow,” he says one word and you do. You swallow him down as he grips your neck so he can feel you swallow him down.

“God, that’s so fucking hot,” he says before capturing your lips. He doesn’t care, he slips his tongue inside your mouth and pulls you into him. His hand gripping one of your ass cheeks and the other goes to the bottom of one thigh and lifts you up. You moan into his mouth, loving every second of this.

You feel the sheets touch your back and the pillow under your head as he starts to trail down your neck, kissing and sucking, nipping. He doesn’t stop until he gets to your sleep shorts.

You nod faintly, “yes,” before he rips the shorts and your underwear down in one go, kissing both hip bones before you bend you knees bringing your thighs to your chest to help him get your shorts off. Exposing yourself to him as he throws the garments behind his head.

His eyes are locked on your dripping pussy, his hands gripping your hips before he’s on his stomach and looking up at you one last time.

“My turn.”

///

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[byulsgrease]

duly noted

you've never been one to obsess about your soulmate, assuming you'll figure it out when the time is right. but seriously, what kind of nonsense has yours been writing about recently?

(eventual moonbyul / wheein x gender neutral reader, soulmate!au, trainee/idol!au, ~1.2k words)

a/n: wheein bias wrecker anon! I might've had too much fun with your req and so this is gonna be my first soulmate au 🤠 while byul and wheein don't actually appear in this part (does that make this a prologue? idk), I promise they'll make their appearance soon enough :)

cw: struggles of being a trainee (weight + food talk)

The claps from your dance instructor ring out in the mirrored studio, calling everyone to attention before they send you off for the day. Everyone stands around listening to whatever niceties they're talking about, asking the rhetorical questions of whether all of you want this, how everyone needs to work harder, etc. How many years has it been now, almost three? Evaluations went pretty well recently and you've certainly demonstrated signs of growth since you started, but debut? Who knows. Does anyone, really?

But right now it's late and you're hungry, hoping that your growling stomach isn't loud enough to pierce through the lecture. You're respectfully tuned out anyway, since it's all old news. Nothing you haven't heard before. They clap again once their spiel ends and everyone disperses. Your eyes catch Hyejin's on your way out of the studio, sharing a funny face and an eyeroll before disappearing into the herd of trainees shuffling to the lockers.

Your locker opens with a routine spin of the dial, taking care to slow down and line up the numbers properly so you're not stuck having to do it over again. The inside's pretty cute for a metallic rectangle— it's really the only space of your own besides your notebook. Pictures of your family, old school friends, and fellow trainee friends line the sides beneath a tiny string of battery-powered fairy lights. It's not much, but always a humbling reminder of why you're here.

Unzipping your bag, you take out a pair of slides and drop them on the floor while stepping out of your sneakers. There's not much else in your bag, just a change of clothes and your notebook, of course. Everyone has one. Anything inside could be drawn, written, scribbled, painted. It’s your personal creative space and no one else's, but with two conditions:

You can't write your name in it, not even your initials. Of course everyone tried to as kids against their parents commands, but letters simply sink into the page, disappearing as if they'd never been written at all.

You can only mark up one side. Pages on the right side are for you, and the left side pages fill themselves. Fill themselves with what? you asked your parents. They gave you a non-answer, saying you'd figure it out someday. Great. Only other thing they bothered to tell you was that your right-hand pages were someone's left-hand ones. So someone can see what I put here? Their confirmation sounded rather casual, which you found weird. Someone out there was watching what you put in? But you got used to it, especially since every person owns one. It's a novelty for children anyway. Mark up a page however you want, knowing that someone out in the would will see, and sit back to watch whatever randomness shows up on the left side.

Your left side pages were actually empty for quite a while, save for the occasional "UGGHHH" followed by a typical childish annoyance scrawled messily across the entirety of the page in marker. Not that notebook use was mandatory, but parents usually encouraged it because it kept their kids occupied. There wasn't much you could do about empty pages, nor did you care most of the time, but it did leave you a little jealous of other kids at school who'd sometimes open theirs and be greeted with cute watercolor paintings, mini murals, or skillfully written poetry.

For you, the notebook's served many uses. As a kid it was random doodles and poorly-drawn fantasy scenarios— escapism, perhaps. In middle school it was angsty poems and random journal entries about the random happenings of your life. For the first half of high school it became your to-do list, keeping track of school assignments. And on the rarest occasion, song lyrics. Visual art was never your medium of choice, music came more easily. But drawing staff lines for music notation in the notebook usually ended up being too tedious, so your original stuff was mostly relegated to voice memos on your phone. And now? Who knows. Trainee life may as well be a blur. Sing, dance, talk, eat if you can afford to, sleep, repeat. It's hard to find the energy to write anything most days. Whenever you feel like checking, the left side has random jottings, nearly illegible most of the time.

It wasn't until you got older that you realized that whoever read your entries on the was the same person generating content on the left. And supposedly the person you're supposed to be with for the rest of time? What kind of system is that? I'm just supposed to trust blindly? having asked your parents in exasperation after figuring it out. Again with more non-answers— it had worked for them, didn't it? There's also the obvious question of why people don't just write directly to each other, but whatever. You're still young, no need to obsess over "the one" unlike some of your classmates. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, you figure. And it obviously is, you've got a notebook with (semi-)filled left side pages. What more could you ask for?

The cacophony of clanging lockers opening and closing starts to die down as people leave. Hyejin's head pops out from behind the locker door, laughing in your face when you flinch.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, one sec. Man, I'm starving,” you remark while slipping the bag straps on your back and closing the locker door. You don't even want to know how strapped for cash you are, probably in for another night of boiled eggs and canned kimchi.

“Wanna go out for food?” she immediately asks, eyes alight at the prospect of getting to eat something besides convenience store food.

"I wish. Actually, you wish," you smirk with longing in your eyes. The "no" doesn't even have to be said, weigh-ins are way too soon to risk it. She hangs her head, jokingly dejected as you swing an arm around her shoulder to walk out of the company building together.

~~~~

After scrounging up whatever food you call dinner, taking a shower, and flopping into bed, you open up your notebook and grab the random pen laying on your dresser, unsure of what you'll write about tonight. There's chicken scratch on the left page already, ballpoint pen. It's actually legible today, though: In my room every day I see your smile.

What the hell does that mean? Whose smile, yours? You haven't even met yet.

Call me everyday every night, hug me everywhere every time

Utter nonsense. Maybe meeting soulmates is just a huge game of catch-up once everything's finally revealed, surely yours will be. There’s just so many questions. Moving to the right side, you jot down a list of cheat meal ideas along with some assorted notes and pointers from practice that you want to work on tomorrow, drawing little characters next to each list item for fun. After accidentally drawing a random squiggle from jolting yourself awake and feeling the heaviness in your eyelids, you cap your pen and shut your notebook, placing it back in your bag. With the lights out, the last thought you have before sleep consumes you is why haven't you ever tried writing directly to each other after all this time?

[next]

[caramelcal]

Request:  Luke x reader? Luke tries to distract reader throughout the day (like he did to Julie) especially when she tries to talk to Nick? Which reader gets mad about and starts to ignore Luke (because she’s been trying to distract herself from her growing feels for him) and he eventually poofs into he room to talk to her about it?

Word Count: 2k

a/n: hi! sorry this took so long, instead of sitting down and working on one fic i’ve been working on five at the same time. incredibly stressful, i’ll try not to do that again lol especially considering it meant it took me ages to write them all...also someone pls give me something to name this lmao ty, and thank you for the request! 

also just in case anyone asks i will not be making a part 2 sorry ! :(

disclaimer: I do not condone the use of my work/writing without my permission. The only place this has been posted is on my (rosemoonmist) tumblr account. This has not been posted on any other platform either. If you see any plagiarism of my work please let me know! <3 People work hard on their fics, so don’t steal them ty.

Masterlist

“So y/n I was thinking,” Luke starts, popping up out of thin air beside you whilst you walk along the corridors. At his unannounced presence beside you, you jump and let out a surprised squeal, gather attention from other students.

Looking around, you notice all of their stares and a blush coats your cheeks. They couldn’t see Luke, you knew that, so they thought you jumped at nothing and your squeal definitely didn’t help. Your head ducks down in embarrassment, trying to avoid the gazes of the students as you start to hurry to your locker.

“Y/n! I’m trying to talk to you here? Hello!” Luke shouts, following your quick, embarrassed walk to your locker. He leans against the locker beside you, arms crossed over his chest, “Y/n, stop ignoring me please.”  

“You know Luke, normal people don’t sneak up on others so you definitely shouldn’t,” You mutter quietly, trying not to attract any more attention from those near you. You had already embarrassed yourself enough, you definitely didn’t need to be caught talking to yourself.

Luke watches you as you get your textbooks from your locker with soft, hazel eyes, shrugging his shoulders before he speaks again, “I don’t see what’s wrong with coming to share my ideas with you.”

“When you practically ambush me in the middle of the halls and embarrass me in front of my classmates then there’s something wrong,” You whisper harshly towards the teenage ghost, who gives you a playful smile in return.

“Don’t worry about it, I think your little scream was cute,” Luke tries to playfully comfort you, but you only end up more embarrassed. Ducking your head, you clear your throat, not meeting Luke’s eyes, “Plus, if I don’t talk to you then who is? Flynn and Julie aren’t here.”

“I have friends other than Julie and Flynn, you know,” You replied with a small smile, rolling your eyes at the boy whose eyes go slightly wider in amusement.

Leaning closer to you, he whispers, “Yeah, one of ‘ems behind you right now.”

With that he pulls back, his amused smirk going wider when he sees your eyes widen in panic. At least he’s getting some enjoyment out of this because you certainly weren’t. It was almost as if you were unfrozen, whipping around after several moments of doing nothing and just standing still to see him there.

“Heyyy y/n,” He says, trying to mask the slightly judgmental look he is giving you but you notice. At this rate, you just want the ground to swallow you whole, melt into the floor or just disappear.

“Nick! Hi,” You say, feeling your throat close up as you look at him. You try to keep your eyes on him, but they quickly stray when Luke appears behind him.

“You alright, L/N?” Nick asks, looking at you strangely with concern etched into his voice.

Waving your hand about weirdly, you nod your head wildly, trying to act natural but very much not. Luke glances at you with a judgmental glance, one that he wants you to see as you laugh, “Of course I am! Why would I not be?”

“I don’t know, you’re just acting a little strange.”

“Me? I’m always strange,” You try to wave it off, hoping that soon enough this nightmare would be over and you could go back home. This has to be the most embarrassing day to ever exist, for anyone. You would give anything just to disappear right now.

“Uh oh,” Luke’s voice sounds from behind Nick, his voice teasing as he looked at you with a smile, “has someone got a crush on Nick?”

“What! No!”

Your eyes snapped over to Luke, his smile growing wider. You know that he’s messing with you, but you couldn’t let him believe you had a crush on Nick of all people. No way. You already liked someone else, Luke, so to let Luke believe that you liked Nick was not going to happen. Your eyes hesitantly look back towards Nick, where he looks at you with a confused look.

You know that you can’t explain you were talking to a ghost, he’d think you were even crazier than you actually were. Giving him an awkward laugh you rub behind your neck, “Sorry, Flynn is across the hall and is trying to be distracting.”

“Flynn isn’t even in scho-”

“Sorry, Nick! Nice talking to you but I gotta go, bye!” Cutting Nick off quickly, you wave your hand before whirling around, walking in the opposite direction. A pair of shoes caught themselves up with you, and you knew who it was. The black and white vans were kind of a giveaway.

“I think that went well.”

“Shut up, Luke.”

. . .

Thankfully, your bad and embarrassing day didn’t get much worse. You managed to get through your first classes without Luke trying to annoy you anymore, which meant that you didn’t embarrass yourself even more and when it came to lunch you holed yourself up in the library. Being in the library meant that there was no one around to embarrass yourself in front of.

Your last class rolled around and you were trying to get your head down and do your work so that you could go home and forget that this day ever happened. It wasn’t going to get much worse than it already is considering the day was practically over, so you were just waiting for the time to pass by.

“Y/n, psst,” You hear a voice whisper from in front of you, making you look up. Maybe you spoke too soon, because there Luke is, sitting on the desk in front of yours, that was thankfully empty.

You knew that Luke just liked to talk to people other than Reggie and Alex from time-to-time and you were normally a good option but not in school. And especially not after the embarrassment that happened earlier on in the morning; that’s why you ignored him.

However, it seemed that Luke really wanted your attention and was willing to do anything to get it. Whether it be constantly talking to you, distracting you from doing your work, or humming new songs, he seemed to be doing anything to be annoying.

“What do you think about this one, n/n?”

Often, you were used to Luke just using your first name, so the sound of your endeared nickname falling off of his lips effortlessly caused your heart to flutter. Luke frowned a little, he knew you were listening, he could see you press your pencil down a little harder on your paper every time he spoke, almost as if you were trying to restrain yourself from answering him.

A smirk lit upon his lips, he knew exactly what to do. Jumping off of the table, he made his way over to your desk, taking the pencil out of your hand. Your eyes went wide but you knew you couldn’t make a big deal about it, imagine they seen you jumping after a floating pencil.

Looking up at Luke, you mouthed ‘Luke, put the pencil down’ with a glare, but Luke simply smirked at you. At this rate, you thought that Luke was just trying to get you grumpy. He brought the pencil down to your level to tease you but you caught onto it, tugging it closer to you.

Luke didn’t seem to want to let go, finally glad to get your attention but it shouldn’t have been a good thing, because he was just angering you even more.

Finally managing to yank the pencil off of Luke, you heard a voice whisper beside you, “Hey y/n, are you planning on actually doing any work, or are you gonna continue to cast spells with your pencil?”

The day definitely couldn’t get worse after that.

. . .

After that, you were determined to ignore Luke by any means necessary, even if he stole a pencil and let the class believe that the class was haunted. Thankfully enough, Luke realized that he shouldn’t push your buttons anymore and left you alone. On your walk home you practically wallowed in self-pity and embarrassment and found yourself swallowed in a hole of blankets and pillows watching a movie when you got into your bedroom.

You did not want to go back to school, and you found yourself dreading it more and more with each passing moment. After Luke realized how embarrassed you were the first time, he should've stopped, but he didn’t. Maybe he just liked to torture you and embarrass you in front of all of your peers.

It was a well-established thing that you liked Luke, not that he knew, of course, you knew he didn’t like you back like that. And after today, you struggled to believe he would ever see you as more; it was like he didn’t care about your feelings.

“Y/n, there you are,” Speak of the devil, “I need opinions on these new lyrics-”

“No, Luke. I’m busy.” You snap, eyes keeping on the screen. You hoped that he took the memo and stopped talking and left, but he didn’t, they never do.

Walking towards your bed, Luke sat beside you and grabs the remote that was tucked in between two blankets, holding it up to you, “No you aren’t, you’re only watching a movie. I’m sure you could stop it for two seconds.”

“What if I don’t want to?” You reply sassily, reaching for more popcorn that sat in the small bowl in front of you.

“What’s up with you?” Luke asks, his voice slightly annoyed as he looks at you. He seems confused like he’s completely oblivious to everything that happened today.

“What do you think is up with me?” You ask, finally turning to look at him, e/c eyes meeting the hazel ones you were so fond of.

Luke stares back at you with the same intensity, eyes looking over your blanket-covered figure before realization dawned on his face. Yet, with the realization, annoyance seemed to follow closely behind, “Is this because I embarrassed you in front of your crush?”

“I don’t have a crush on Nick!” Your voice is slightly louder than you had intended, but you don’t bother to apologize anyway.

Maybe you were both overreacting, and you were getting a little too defensive but you couldn’t help it. Luke didn’t seem to listen to you, you had already told him you didn’t like Nick, couldn’t he just listen to you for once in his life?

“Why are you shouting? I’m just asking a question,” Luke says, his voice calm. You had never expected the day where Luke would be the voice of reason between the two of you but here we are.

Eyes looking back up to meet Luke’s, a frown falls onto your face. Sighing, you feel guilt pool in your stomach, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”

“It’s alright, y/n. I shouldn’t have embarrassed you in the first place. I’m really sorry,” You’re pretty sure that’s the first time you have ever heard Luke apologize to anyone, and you’re surprised at how sincere he sounded. Maybe Luke does care about your feelings more than you expected him to.

Soon enough, the calm and comfortable atmosphere you have created in the room because uncomfortable as you both sit in a silence. You don’t know what to say, or what to do but thankfully, Luke saves you from that.

“Listen, I- uh,” Luke hesitates to speak, feeling nervous when your attention is turned back to him. His gaze looks down at the bed before glancing back up, looking very fidgety under your gaze, “I’m sorry for what I did this morning. I don’t know I just seen Nick, and I thought you guys liked each other and I didn’t like it so I embarrassed you in front of him and that’s not okay.”

“You didn’t like it?” You ask with a smirk, quoting what Luke said as your smirk goes a bit wider. Noticing your words, Luke’s eyes go a little bit wider as he starts to stutter but you quickly end his stuttering, “Were you jealous, Patterson?”

It takes him a few moments to respond, your full body turning towards him when you begin to tease him. You had hoped that he was going to get embarrassed in front of you but that doesn’t seem to be the case. 

“Maybe I am, what are you gonna do about it?”

[fanficimagery]

Misery Business pt. II

Imagine moving in with the Molina's after an incident back home. Instead of being angry, you realize this is your second chance to be truly happy and you really hope it goes better than your first attempt.

You can find PART ONE right HERE.

Words: 5.3K Author’s Note: Requested by anonymous who asked for a sequel where Jerry finds out that Y/N met her soulmate. So here ‘ya go! I tried writing angst, but I just.. don’t know how? I hope you still enjoy this though. Also there might be some slight violence in case that’s triggering for anyone.

You've spent months with Luke now and every day with him so far has been absolutely mind blowing. Being with him is exactly like every textbook out there said what having a soulmate is like and you couldn't be happier. But of course not every day was a good day. Fortunately for you though, you and Luke were two people who didn't like being at odds with one another, so more often than not your issues were resolved within hours.

Everything in your and Luke's life seemed to be going smoothly, but after the novelty of finding his soulmate wore off it seemed like Luke's parents were pressuring him to do something with his life other than music. They thought it was a great hobby for him to have, but not something worth pursuing as his main source of income. You could see every little argument wearing on him, and you and your family did your best to cheer him up.

Eventually one of the arguments was bound to take things too far, so you weren't surprised when Luke showed up one night with tears in his eyes and his hands gripping tight to his backpack straps. Tía Rose and tío Ray were kind enough to let Luke stay the night, and you even persuaded them to let him share your bed with promises that there'd be no funny business- you just wanted to be there for him. You weren't surprised that he fell asleep so soon after showering and changing into pajamas, but you were surprised to receive a call just passed one in the morning from his mother.

Having crept out of bed, you walk downstairs to the kitchen to take the call. Mrs. Patterson is very apologetic for calling so late, but she's extremely worried about Luke's whereabouts. You ease her fears by admitting that Luke is with you and then mention that since Spring Break was about to start, that maybe it was best for Luke to stay with you for a little bit. When she remains quiet, you apologize for overstepping but go on to explain that seeing Luke so torn up after every argument with her was very disheartening. You just wanted your soulmate to be carefree again, even if it was only for a week. And then after hearing her sniffle, you feel like you really messed up, but Mrs. Patterson calls you a good soulmate and that she'd drop off a bag of Luke's clothes in the morning.

Then going back up to your room, you crawl back into bed and chuckle when Luke rolls over to pull you in so your back is against his chest. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, you allow yourself to relax and fall asleep in your soulmate's arms.

You're not one to keep secrets from Luke, so come morning you tell him about the phone call you had with his mom. He seemed a little apprehensive when he heard she had called, but quickly relaxed when you went on to tell him that you got her to agree to let him stay there in the Molina household.

"You think Rose and Ray will go for it?"

"Yes." You smile at him, swiping his hair out of his eyes. "They adore you like you're one of their own. Plus it helps they know you've been having issues with your parents, so they'll think it's a good idea you take a breather from them as well."

"Okay. But only if they're good with it."

"They will be."

And sure enough, when the two of you head down to breakfast, tía Rose and tío Ray are all for Luke staying after the latest blowout.

In fact, with the start of Spring Break, you find it hilarious that Alex and Reggie spend as little time as possible at their own homes. Carlos is ecstatic to have the boys to roughhouse with, tía Rose loves having extra hands around the house to help with the yard work, and Julie adores having her band with her so they have all the time in the world to write and have jam sessions.

It's during one of those jam sessions Julie gets you to sing, but you only agreed to it because Luke was determined to duet with you. You picked All Time Low's Remembering Sunday where Luke sang about ninety-nine percent of the song and you came in at the end for about twenty seconds worth of singing, but you put your all into it and stunned your friends. You hadn't known your cousin was recording videos of the session, so you were a little surprised when she told you.

"So remember the other day we were vibing out in the studio, and you and Luke killed it singing Remembering Sunday?"

"Um, yeah."

"Well I might have posted a video or two-"

"Julie!"

"-and it's gone viral."

"What!?"

"I'm sorry! I posted it on my page, Flynn reposted it on the band's page, and well it kind of took off from there." Julie cringes. "Apparently the fans really liked it."

"Ugh." You groan. She chuckles nervously and you eventually sigh when you see she feels really bad about your reaction. "Well I guess it's fine," you say and she starts to slowly relax. You don't know exactly what to say, so you say the first thing that pops into your mind. "So how many think I'm trying to break up the band?"

Julie snorts. "Only a handful. No more than twenty people that we've seen so far. We've told the fans you weren't breaking up the band or joining it, but that you and Luke were soulmates and you were just having fun with us. Some don't believe it."

You shake your head, grinning softly. "People are dumb, but whatevs. Everyone who matters knows the truth and that's enough for me."

With Spring Break coming to a close, it's decided you're going to have a bonfire on the beach the Saturday before returning back to school. You know it's going to be a long night, so you and few others head to the store to stock up on snacks and drinks.

You, Alex, Julie, and tía Rose were the only ones mature enough to tackle the task of shopping, so the four of you piled into the car and left before Reggie could crawl his way into the very back without anyone knowing.

Between the four of you, loading the car with the groceries after shopping was an easy task, but apparently one individual didn't get that memo and figured you needed some help.

A bag that tía Rose picks up unfortunately tears and the cans inside go rolling. She curses in Spanish, which makes you and Julie giggle, but then an all too familiar voice freezes the blood in veins. "Oh no worries, ma'am. I got this."

Julie snorts as her mom giggles, Alex swears softly under his breath, and you're too terrified to look and see one of your fears come to life. But the second your tía starts making small talk, you can't help but look up. You immediately pale. It's Jerry. The same Jerry whose dark hair was tied into a small bun at the back of his head, who wore a distressed band tee, ripped jeans, and dark boots. The same Jerry whose smug little grin once made your heart flutter, but now only makes you feel sick to your stomach.

"Y/N," Alex steps in your line of sight when you can't seem to stop staring. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine." You can feel yourself sway on your feet and the moment all the groceries are in the back, you start towards Julie and her mom. "Tía, it's time to go." You grab at her wrist and start pulling her towards the driver's seat.

"Mija, don't be rude." You spare her a brief glance and she frowns at your expression. "What's wrong?

"Nothing. I just- I don't feel so well. Can we please go?"

"Y/N?" His voice makes your skin crawl and you jerk out of reach when you feel a hand touch your shoulder. "Is that really you? Wow! It's been too long."

His smarmy smile makes your stomach churn, but you have to keep it together. "Not long enough," you retort.

You know your family and Alex are looking at you like you've grown a second head, but tía Rose's expression hardens the moment Jerry chuckles. "I like the feistiness. It suits you."

"I'm sure it does."

Once Rose realizes the tension between you, she calls out for everyone to get in the car so you can head on home. Everyone opens up their respective door, but they're still standing outside the car when Jerry says, "It was nice to see you again, Y/N. I'm sure we'll see one another again real soon."

You scoff. "Don't count on it."

Marching over to your door, you open it up and drop into your seat. The others follow quickly after. You buckle up, your right knee bouncing anxiously as you continuously glance out the window. The car rides are usually loud and filled with off-key singing, but now the music can barely be heard and no one knows how to break the silence.

Finally, not able to take the silence or the stares you can practically feel burning into the side and back of your head any longer, you say, "That guy back there? That was Jerry."

A beat passes and then Julie sharply inhales. "Your ex? The one who pretended-"

"Yep!" You cut her off, breath stuttering as you try to inhale. "Ever since I moved he's been trying to contact me, but I blocked him on everything I could. Why did he- how did he find me?" You ask, voice shaky.

"Oh mija," Rose softly exhales. You turn your head to look at her and she shakes her head. "This isn't okay."

"I know."

"I think you need to talk to the police, especially since he followed you across states."

"Y-Yeah. Okay."

You feel a hand grab your shoulder and you flinch, but you quickly reach up to grab ahold of it. The small, too smooth hand lets you know it's Julie. "I'll call dad and tell him to meet us there."

Rose tells her that's a good idea and then Alex is saying, "Should I tell Luke? This feels like something he'll get pissed at me for, for not telling him."

"Of course," you say, "but tell him I'll call him after. He doesn't need to come down to the police department as well."

It doesn't take Ray long to get to the police department, and when he does he and Rose escort you inside while Julie and Alex stay outside. The female officer who takes your statement is quite appalled to hear that someone would fake soulmate words and is clearly upset to learn that he followed you across state lines, even after you did everything to conceal your location. She completely understands why you're so unsettled, but unfortunately there's not much they can do unless Jerry were to physically harm you or your family. She does, however, file the statement for future reference in case anything involving Jerry were to pop up in the future and it makes you feel a little bit better to know it's all on file.

Once you're free to go, Julie immediately throws herself into your arms when you're back outside. She's sobbing and it takes you a moment to understand what she's saying. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I was just thinking while you were gone and I think he found you because of me- because of the video I posted of you and Luke."

"Jules, no. It's not your fault."

"But it is! If that mega creep stalked my page, some of my posts have the locations tagged."

Oh. So yeah, maybe that is how he found you. You can see everyone else realize the sudden realization you came to as well, but you don't want to make your cousin feel any worse. "Don't even worry about it. You are not responsible for his actions. Okay? This is all on him."

"But-"

"I don't want to hear it," you cut her off, squeezing her just a little bit tighter. "I just want to put this day behind me, go home and put the groceries away, and cuddle with Luke while we brainstorm for our bonfire tomorrow night."

Julie pulls free from the hug, frowning. "You still want to go through with the bonfire after what happened today?"

"Duh." You smile gently at her. "We've been planning this for weeks. I'm not going to let Jerry's sudden appearance ruin our fun."

Julie looks like she's going to argue, but Ray is immediately by her side and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Mija, it's going to be okay. Y/N has all of you on her side and should anything happen we've got the card of the very nice officer who took our statement. It's going to be fine."

When Julie's calmed down, it's time to head home. Alex goes with Ray so he can be dropped off, but Julie goes with you and her mom. The drive is once again silent, but you don't mind it this time around. Though when you pull up to the house, you can't help but sigh at the sight of Luke pacing back and forth on the front porch.

Tía Rose chuckles as she parks. "Go," she tells you. "Julie and I can get the groceries. Go calm your soulmate."

You smile thankfully at her and do as you're told. Then as you're walking up the sidewalk, Luke hops off the porch and makes a beeline for you. He immediately wraps you up in his arms and you don't mind how tight he squeezes you.

"Lets go to the studio," you tell him.

Luke doesn't even bother arguing, he grabbing your hand as soon as he frees you from the hug to pull you towards the studio out back. Then upon entering the studio, Luke shuts the door behind you and drags you over to the couch. "What happened?"

You shrug. "Jerry found me. I don't know how he came across any video I was in, but we think he saw the video of me and you singing. Julie thinks he went through her page and took a chance by going to the location that was tagged in some of her posts."

"Bro, that's so messed up."

"You're telling me," you huff. "Julie feels terrible, but I don't blame her so.."

"Nah. It's not her fault. This dude is seriously screwed in the head." You nod, quietly agreeing. Sighing, you pull your legs up and curl them beside you, and lean into Luke's side. "So what did the police do?"

"Nothing. They can file a report about him following me, but they can't actually do anything unless he physically harms someone." Luke softly swears. "I'm actually kind of scared," you then admit. "I don't know why he's obsessed with me, but he knows I found my real soulmate. What if he does try to do something?"

"I'll kick his goddamn ass if I have to." You quietly chuckle, but Luke presses on. "I'm serious, Y/N. You are my soulmate. I will protect you until my dying breath. That jackass ain't gonna lay a finger on you."

"Have I ever told you how hot I find you when you get angry?"

He chuckles softly. "What?"

"Yeah. So hot," you muse. You glance up at him, lips twitching as you can clearly see how he's torn between finding amusement in your words and reprimanding you to be serious. "I can handle Jerry. Somewhat," you then softly admit. "Please don't do anything that will put you in handcuffs."

He sighs. "No promises."

"Whatever. I'll take what I can get."

Luke finally smiles and he quickly presses a kiss to your forehead. "Have I ever told you how adorable it is to see you going soft for me?"

"Fuck off, Patterson. Now lets go help sort the groceries so we can go pick out our spot on the beach for tomorrow night."

Luke laughs as you stand and tug him up so he can follow you out.

Rose and Ray are a little hesitant to let you leave the following night, but after many reassurances they seem to realize that they're worrying for nothing. Willie shows up in a van and everyone cheers as they readily load up the back, Luke adding in two acoustic guitars for himself and Reggie. Alex automatically claims a seat in the front with Willie and Reggie beats everyone else in rock, paper, scissors to claim the other seat. So you, Luke, Julie, and Flynn sit in the back and try not to fall into each other with Willie's not so excellent driving skills.

You and Alex take on the responsibility of getting the fire going while everyone else situates the coolers of your food and drinks, and rearranges the chairs and blankets. It seems other kids had the same idea as you all because further down there are several other bonfires ready to be lit and every other face seems to be someone from Los Feliz High.

Once the fire is going and the music is just loud enough to be heard by everyone around your fire, Alex and Willie claim the blanket in the sand. You and Luke obviously sit next to one another, and Julie, Flynn, and Reggie stick together to mock the soulmates should anyone get a little too into displaying their affections.

It's a little too cool to take a dip in the water, so everyone makes do by burying Reggie in the sand or dancing around for some laughs. In between food and drinks, there are lip sync battles and originals sung by Julie, Luke, Reggie, and Alex, and it's the most perfect night. Pictures and video are taken, and everyone second guesses posting them, but you wave them off with the excuse that the damage has already been done.

A little after ten, Carrie saunters over and her appearance is enough to make the laughs taper off. You and Luke had stolen the blanket from Alex and Willie, and you were laying down with your head in Luke's lap so you were too comfortable to greet her by sitting up. Flipping her hair over her shoulder, Carrie says, "I knew every girl was just getting their hopes up. You and Luke are obviously still infatuated with one another."

As her words sink in, everyone immediately glances at you and Luke, and you frown at her. "What?"

She rolls her eyes. "There's some guy looking around for you. He's been telling everyone that you're his girl and he was supposed to meet you here."

There's a moment of silence and then, "Carrie, did this guy tell you what his name was?" Your heart stops and you immediately sit up in preparation for her answer.

"He probably did, but I didn't hear it over Alicia and Kaitlin squealing about Luke being single again."

Reggie snorts and you can hear Alex quietly reprimand his friend. "Did he have a man-bun, lots of bracelets on one wrist, skinny jeans, and combat boots?"

Whatever your expression is currently showing as you ask her, it throws Carrie off and you see her own haughty attitude diminish just the slightest. "Yeah. What's going on, Y/N?"

You sharply inhale and then Luke is immediately on his feet, draping an arm around your shoulders. "Come on. We should leave."

"No." Your tone startles him, and even Carrie, but then you look at Luke while softening your voice. "No. I'm not going to run away. He doesn't get to ruin my time with the people I love." A moment passes and then Luke nods, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. You smile softly up at him before turning to look back at Carrie. "Be honest with me, Wilson. How much does everyone know about why I moved here?"

She shrugs. "By your second day here everyone knew you left your home because some asshole pretended to be your soulmate and like totally stalked you or something." No one says anything and you raise your eyebrows at her, willing her to connect the dots. Her eyes slightly widen as she realizes what you're silently telling her. "It's him, isn't it? The guy asking around about you."

You gulp. "His name is Jerry. I know we're not exactly friends, but do me a favor?" At her silence, you take it as a yes. "Spread the word. No one is to answer his questions and no girl goes off on their own. He's not a good person."

"Of course." She takes out her phone, ready to start sending off text after text. You sigh a little in relief, knowing that everyone will soon know a creep is hanging around. When Carrie glances back up at you, she frowns a little. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was him."

"Don't even worry about it. I didn't exactly tell anyone his name or showed a picture."

Carrie gives you a terse nod before she's straightening up, haughty expression back in place. As soon she takes her leave, everyone is suddenly on their feet surrounding you and Luke.

"What the hell?" Alex mutters. "This is so messed up."

"Am I gonna have to fight?" Flynn asks. "Because I am prepared to go to jail. Someone's just gonna have to bail me out."

Julie frowns. "I don't know about this, guys. I don't have a good feeling. Maybe we should go home."

"Are you kidding me?" Reggie scoffs. "There's one of him and seven of us. We'll be fine."

Willie glances between everyone, shrugging. "I'm down with whatever. If you guys wanna leave, we'll leave. If not, we'll stay."

Luke glances down at you. "What do you say, babe? Stay or go?"

"We stay. Now will everyone lighten up? We only got a couple of hours before beach patrol shuts us down."

Reggie whoops and you can't help but chuckle at his enthusiasm. Julie walks up to you then, still looking uneasy. "Are you sure about this? No one will think less of you for wanting to leave."

You flash her a small smile. "I'm not going to let him scare me off. And besides, it's like Reggie said. There's more of us than him. We'll be fine."

Only it wasn't fine. Not really. Because not even half an hour later the ex in question finally finds you.

Alex is the first to notice him, his laughter ceasing immediately as his expression hardens. Willie asks him what's wrong and upon following his line of sight he realizes what's going on. Then slowly but surely, everyone's fun nature disappears as they stand.

Jerry chuckles when you finally meet his gaze. "Told you see we'd see each other again real soon."

You sigh, your hand slipping into Luke's as you see him take a step forward out of the corner of your eye. "What do you want?"

"To catch up," Jerry muses. "You left so quickly and didn't tell me where you were going."

"For obvious reasons, you moron."

"Yeah. Read the room, dude. You're not wanted here," Flynn huffs as she steps up on your other side.

Jerry glances at her and his stare leaves you feeling uncomfortable. So to grab his attention once more, you say, "Go home. I have nothing to say to you."

"Aw," he coos, "but I miss you."

"Well she doesn't miss you." Luke's words draw Jerry's attention and you can see his jaw clench in the firelight.

"Ah, yes. The soulmate," he muses. "Tell me, soulmate, does she purr for you like she did for me?"

Your eyes widen just as there are several sharp inhales behind you and you immediately cling onto Luke's arm. "Luke, no!" Alex is on the other side of Luke, pushing his friend back and when it seems like he's got it under control you let go of his arm and step between him and Jerry. Glaring at his smug expression, you say, "No, Jerry, I don't purr with him like I did with you." He chuckles lowly. "Because unlike you, Luke knows how to get me off which is something you never knew how to do. Not even once."

"Oh fuck. She just murdered him," Flynn giggles.

Jerry's smug expression vanishes the moment everyone starts to giggle and before anyone can blink he's swinging his arm so the back of his hand connects with your cheek.

"You motherfucker!"

You go stumbling and it's only because of Julie and Flynn that you don't fall. When you manage to regain your footing, you locate the boys only to find that Willie and Luke are doing their best to whale on Jerry while Alex and Reggie look on, unsure about stopping the fight or not. Willie lets Luke throw most of the punches, though when Jerry lands one on Luke he's quick to reach in and make sure Jerry doesn't overcome his friend.

"Flynn, call the police department. Ask for Officer Diaz and tell her my name. Tell her Jerry's found me and he attacked me."

"Okay."

"Julie," you then turn towards your little cousin. "Call your mom and dad. They need to be here."

"Okay."

Stumbling towards the boys, you shout, "Stop. Guys, stop!" Alex is quick to come to your side, tucking you under his arm. "Luke!" You then yell.

With his hand fisted in a completely dazed Jerry's shirt, he stops mid-swing and glances at you. "Please stop. Flynn is calling the cops. You can stop now."

He's got a split lip and his body is still taut with anger, but upon seeing your expression he's quick to let Jerry go. Jerry stumbles as he regains his stability, but then Willie is there to make sure he goes nowhere.

As Luke stops right in front of you, he gently cups your face in his hands and his anguished expression makes your heart break. "He hit you."

"I know," you frown, "and he's going to pay for it."

You close your eyes as Luke presses his lips to your forehead, his lips lingering there as he mumbles apology after apology.

"How cute," Jerry chuckles darkly.

"Laugh it up now, asshole," Flynn says. "The cops are on the way."

You and Luke separate just as Jerry spits out a glob of blood, sneering at Luke. "You might have her now, Lukie boy, but how does it feel to know I had her first?"

Luke tries to lunge, but Alex is quick to catch him. Instead you stumble forward, gaze never leaving Jerry's. "Don't look so smug, Jer. You're the pretend soulmate who only had me for not even a fraction of your lifetime. But Luke? Luke gets me over and over and over for the rest of his life." Jerry's expression falters, but before he can think to hit you again it's you who forms a fist and hits him square between the eyes.

"Fuck," he grits out, stumbling into Willie.

"FUCK!" You shout, pain instantly blossoming in your hand. Not even shaking it out helps.

"Hey. Hey, let me see."

"Don't touch it!" You scream at Luke.

He chuckles as he gently grabs a hold of your wrist, running his fingers softly over your knuckles. "I think you might have broken it."

"Worth it."

Jerry tries to struggle some more in order to get away, but Willie and Reggie do a good job of keeping him in place. And if they had failed, he wouldn't have gotten far because Nick and his band of jocks had appeared out of the dark after being led over by Carrie.

Rose and Ray appear first, Ray immediately getting the story from the boys while Rose fusses over you and your bruised face. Then the second red and blue lights start flashing, the crowd disperses and leaves your original group alone with Jerry.

Immediately Jerry tries to spin the tale that your boys jumped him, but fortunately for you Officer Diaz and her partner are the ones taking your statement. They grab yours first and upon seeing your face they take a picture of it to put on file. You ask them about what's going to happen to Luke and Willie for defending you when Jerry attacked, and they unfortunately tell you that they might actually be taken in since they threw the first punch against him.

After a few more statements are taken, Luke and Willie are surprisingly let go with a warning. Turns out Luke hadn't thrown the first punch, he just pushed Jerry away from you, and Jerry went on the attack first. Luke's assault was categorized as self defense and Willie smartly kept his knuckles hidden while mentioning he was only standing by trying to separate the brawling boys. Officiate Diaz and her partner obviously knew it was a load of shit, but they wanted to get Jerry off the streets more than they wanted to arrest Willie for defending his friend.

Then once Jerry is taken away, Ray suggests you all call it a night. He helps put the fire out while Rose helps everyone else load up Willie's van, and then they mention they'll meet you at home. On the way there, Luke calls his parents to let them know what happened and that he'd be back home the following evening in time for school. You can hear his mom express her concern for you and her hopes that you feel better soon, and then she goes on to tell him that she loves him and that she's sorry for their argument. Luke chokes up while he's on the phone, but thankfully everyone else attempts to make small talk to give him a semblance of privacy.

Willie drops off you, Luke, and Julie first, and you apologize for ruining the night.

"Are you kidding me?" Reggie scoffs. "Tonight was wicked fun! You're lucky you already found your soulmate because that punch was hot."

Luke chuckles. "You're an idiot, Reg."

You glance at Willie and he beams at you. "Don't even sweat it. Tonight was totally fun, brawl included. I just hope the charges stick and that jerk doesn't bother you anymore."

"You and me both," you muse. "Now go on. Get out of here and let Alex kiss your knuckles all better."

Alex groans as his soulmate laughs, and the three of you wave at the van as it disappears down the road.

Then as you're walking up the sidewalk leading to the porch, Julie says, "I love you guys, but can we please never get into a public altercation ever again?"

You laugh as you swat at her, only to hiss in pain when you hit her with your injured hand. "Goddamn it that hurt. I think the adrenaline finally faded," you say as you cradle your hand to your chest.

Luke wraps his arm around your shoulders, tucking you into his side. "We'll have Rose check it out and if she thinks you need a doctor, we'll head down to the ER."

"I'm gonna need a cast, I just know it," you mumble.

As the three of you come to a stop on the porch, Julie turns towards you and says, "Maybe next time you'll think about throwing a punch before you actually know how to throw a punch. You're not supposed to tuck your thumb in."

"Yeah? Well maybe you should let me practice on your face!"

"Okay!" Luke laughs, pulling you a step back from a now laughing Julie. "A Y/N in pain is a mean Y/N. Duly noted."

You glare at Julie a little longer before your façade cracks and then you whine as you lean into Luke once more. "Will you hold my hand in the ER?"

"Sure thing, babe. Ready to have Ray and Rose yell at us before they realize your hand might be broken and need medical attention?"

"Nope, but we gotta go inside sometime."

"Together?"

"Together."

"Ugh," Julie scoffs. "You guys are too adorable for your own good."

[fatiguing-thoughts]

“Natural” - Chapter Two - Embry Call x Reader

Day of Normalcy

I went home a little more awake then when I left. I helped my dad unpack some more stuff while I had some energy. We talked about my day with the guys as we set up the house. 

“I’m glad that you’re so happy again. It’s like the real (Y/N) is back.” He smiled at me.

“It feels like it, too. I’m so happy to be back. It almost feels like we never left.” I smile back at him. 

“It looks to be that way.”

I look over at the clock, it’s a little past three in the morning. 

“I think we should call it quits for tonight. It’s pretty much done, because the movers doing a lot of the work.” I yawn. 

“Of course. Goodnight, hun.” 

We both retreated to our rooms. 

I plopped down on my bed, looking at the ceiling, wondering about tomorrow.

What’s it going to be like to see Embry for the first time in person in years? 

My mind races for a few minutes, thinking of every possibility. I look at my phone, I got a message from Embry a few hours ago. 

I open the message, it was a link to a new song he wanted me to listen to. I smiled to myself, pressing play. As the song played, I fell into a deep slumber. 

I woke up to the smell of pancakes coming from downstairs. I followed the aroma into the kitchen. 

“Thanks, dad.” I grab a plate and sit down at the table next to him. “You got it, kid.” He looks up from the newspaper. 

“What’s your plan for the day?” I ask. 

“Well, I’m going to see Billy and Harry today. I think we might go fishing.” 

“Oh, nice. That’s fun.” 

“What about you?” He sips his coffee. 

“I’m going to surprise Embry. Probably hang out with all the guys.” 

“Oh, Embry, huh?” He looks at me with a knowing face.

“Dad, please.” I beg. 

“Fine, fine. I’ll stop teasing you about your crush.” He says, putting his hands up in the air, false surrendering.

“Dad!” I exclaim, blushing like a maniac. 

He smiles before putting his dishes in the dishwasher, walking upstairs to go get ready for his guys day. 

I followed suit, I had to get ready to see everyone. 

I walked upstairs to find a missed call from Jake. I called him back as I started looking for something to wear. 

“Hey, (Y/N). You should come to my house at 11:30. We’re gonna be playing video games. Just walk into the house.” He says over the phone. 

“Alright, sounds like a plan.” I hang up the phone. 

It was daunting to figure out what to wear, I worried about seeing Embry. I dug through all my clothes. 

By the end of it, I decided on some jeans, a pair of vans, and a moderately flattering black t-shirt. 

Yeah, I knew this would happen. Searching through clothes to only pick out the most casual and boring outfit ever. I grab a hoodie, just in case I stay out later with them and it gets cold. 

I look at the clock, it’s only 11. I had a few more minutes to kill before the twenty minute drive so I decided to stop at a little convenience store and grab some of our favorite snacks. 

I pull into the lot and walk into the little store. I grab a few bags of chips, including two bags of blue doritos as they reign supreme, and regular potato chips for Quil-- because he’s weird. 

I put the bags into my passenger seat and begin the exciting, yet agonizing drive. I decided to listen to Embry and I’s shared playlist, hoping it would calm my nerves. 

I pull in front of Jake’s house once again, nerves returning into my stomach. I approach the front door and hear a few screaming boys. I easily recognized Embry’s from the last time we spoke on the phone, and it was even better in person. 

I push the door open, walking in casually and putting the bags of chips on the table. 

Only Jacob tore his eyes from the screen, smiling at me. 

“Wow, you guys are pretty distracted, huh?” I joke. 

Quil and Embry’s heads snap up in my direction. Quil was smiling at me, looking back to Embry to see a reaction. 

Embry’s face flashed through so many emotions. Confusion, surprise, happiness, and then what I could only describe as a state of shock. His mouth slightly agape, eyebrows slightly raised. Our eyes refused to break away from each other. He dropped the controller in his hands. I felt a force pushing all around me, almost suffocating me. Though, I felt no pain. I felt serene, this was a positive feeling. I dropped the bags of chips that were once in my arms. 

“We called it.” Quil says aloud, snapping me out of it. 

“Hey.” I smile to Embry.

“(Y/N). Hi.” Embry says, getting up from his spot to hug me. 

He hugs me, and it felt so different than any other hug I’ve ever received. While it felt to reunite and hug Jake and Quil, it didn’t compare to how hugging Embry felt. Though, he too felt like he was burning hot. 

I guess my feelings weren’t gone, nor were they planning to leave any time soon. I was overwhelmed with my feelings towards Embry, I could only hope he had felt at least a fraction of what I felt. 

After what felt like forever, he let me go after hearing Quil and Jake mumbling about something back on the couch. 

“What?” I ask them, looking behind Embry.

“Nothing.” Jake winks at me, the blushing returned to my cheeks. 

“How are you?” Embry asks me.

“I’m really happy to be back. How are you?” I ask him, looking into his deep, chocolate brown eyes. 

“I’m great. I’m so happy you’re back. You’re back for good, right?” He asks, eyes pleading with mine.

“Yes, I’m back for good.” I smile at him. 

“You got really tall, too. What the hell did I miss?” I ask, wondering how everyone I knew suddenly turned into giants. 

“I did get tall. It seems like you’re the only one who missed the memo, bean.” Embry lightly laughs at me. 

I blushed at the nickname. The one he gave me years ago, when he hit his first growth spurt at 15, making fun of me who didn’t grow past 5’2”, when he hit 5’10. 

Now the kid’s gotta be 6’4”. Quil was a few inches shorter than Embry, but Jacob still had some  inches on Embry. Embry looked way more muscular than the last time I had seen him, but still more of a lean build than Jake and Quil. It would take some time to swallow how different they all look, now. They weren’t the scrawny kids I remember. 

“So, can I have some of those chips?” Quil asks, breaking the tension in the air. 

“Oh shit, sorry. Yeah.” I bend down, picking up the bags of chips off the floor. 

Embry looked at Quil, eyes narrowing at him. Quil smiles back at him, like a kid who stole candy from a baby. 

I walk his plain old potato chips over to him, earning a thank you and appreciative fist bump. 

“You wanna get destroyed in smash bros?” Jacob offers me a controller. 

“I’d love to destroy you all in smash bros, yes.” I smirk, taking the controller from his hands. Embry puts the bags of blue doritos on the table, taking one for himself. 

Jake and I start playing, I glance over at the bag of doritos, before turning my attention back to the screen-- determined to beat Jacob. 

“You want a chip?” Embry offers.

“Yes please.” I smile. 

“Okay, open.” He puts the chip into my mouth, causing me to blush from shyness. 

I see him smirking at my blushing out of the corner of my eye. 

I focus my attention on the game once more, killing Jacob’s character for the third time-- winning the game.

“Hah!” I exclaim, jumping out of my seat in excitement. 

“Cheater.” He grumbles. 

“You wish, Jake.” I laugh. 

Jake’s phone begins to ring on the table. Bella’s name flashing on the screen. 

I begin to wonder if he still had his crush on her, or if they were together now. Though, I think that he would have mentioned it. 

“Oh shit. What time is it?” He asks, getting ready to pick up his phone. 

“Only like noon.” I tell him.

“Hello? Yeah I’m still good for one. That works. I’ll see you soon.” He hangs up the phone.

“Gonna torture yourself some more, bud?” Quil teases. 

Ouch. That’s gotta hurt.

“Shut up, Quil.” Jacob snaps. 

“What’s going on with her? You still have a crush on her, right?” I ask him with comforting eyes. 

“You could also call it, hopelessly head over heels in love with Bella, actually.” Quil snarkily remarks. 

“Shut it.” Jacob snaps. 

I look at Jake, hoping for him to talk to me. 

“Uh yeah, things are complicated.” His voice lingering with sorrow and disappointment, his eyes moving from mine to his feet.

I looked over to Embry, who wore the same sad, empathetic face as me. Our eyes connected in grief for our friend suffering with the girl he loves. 

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, Jake. You always do. What’s going on?” I ask, placing my hand on his shoulder. 

“She’s dating Edward Cullen. That’s the issue here. He’s got his cold hands wrapped so tight around her.” He says angrily. 

“I don’t know who that is, but I am sure he’s not like you. Maybe she’ll come around one day, if he’s so bad she’ll probably see that eventually.” I try supporting him. 

“No, believe me. If she hasn’t left yet, she never will. There’s a lot going on there.” Quil says. 

Jacob’s face growing more upset by the minute made me sick. I hated to see someone I considered my best friend to be so upset. A pit in my stomach began to form. 

“Well, then there’s someone better for you out there. Don’t hold out on someone who doesn’t appreciate your true value.” I rub his back a bit, trying to ease him. 

I see Embry grow a bit uncomfortable for a second, until I look at him and he smiles at me. 

“I know, it’s just easier said than done.” He says, still not looking up from the ground. 

“I know, I understand. You deserve more than this. You’re so young, you have so much time to find someone. You’re sweet, handsome, caring, tall, and one of the funniest guys I know. Anyone would be lucky to have you, Jake. Don’t let one girl kill your self-esteem.” I wrap my arm around his shoulder now, as I watch a single tear fall from his face. 

“It just hurts.” He says, leaning into me. His large head almost feels like it’s bruising my shoulder, but if it helps him, it helps. 

“I know, bud. I know.” I tell him. 

He rubs his face with his hands, standing up and walking to the door.

“Wanna go throw the football?” He invites us all.

“Yeah.” We all respond in unison. 

I get up, Embry following close behind me; seemingly watching my every move. 

I could get used to this.

Quil comes out last, shutting the door. Jacob grabs the football and throws it to Embry, very hard. I make a mental note to not let Jacob throw me the ball. 

Embry turns to me, throwing it swiftly, seemingly softer than Jacob’s throw but still enough to make me wince. 

A look of guilt and apologeticness flooded his facial features. 

“Sorry!” He yells, running over to me.

“It’s ok, I’m fine.” I throw the ball to Quil as hard as I can, not even getting a fraction of the force the boys had with their throws. How did they throw like that? 

“Are you sure? Are you okay, bean?” He asks me, almost frantic. 

I blushed at the nickname once again, as it brought chills to my spine. 

“Yeah, Em. I’ll be okay.” I smile at him. 

“Bean, you’re already bruising.” He said, looking sadly at the new spot forming on your arm, holding it delicately in his hands. 

“Em, I have always bruised like a peach. I’m sure it could have happened from anything.” I look up into his pleading eyes, watching his worries melt away. 

What was going on? Does he feel the same way? I wonder. 

“Okay sap fest, we were trying to throw around the football to have fun. Not to make me sick!” Quil interrupts, making fake puking noises. 

Jacob smiles slightly, almost laughing. It made me happy to see him feeling a little better after how he was in the house not too long ago. 

They continued to throw the ball around, throwing it way more intense than I thought possible. I decided to sit out after noticing how rough they all were, more how they don’t seem to notice how rough they got with each other-- how it doesn’t seem to even hurt them at all. 

We all talked about stupid nonsense, like debating on which cartoon characters would win in a fight, cars, and other time eating subjects. 

Soon after, I heard an old truck pulling up to Jacob’s house. Bella Swan got out of the driver’s seat, walking over to us. 

“Hey everyone.” She says shyly, hands in her pockets. 

All the guys gave her a hello in unison.

“Hey Bella, how’ve you been?” I ask her. 

“Oh wow, (Y/N). You’re back? No way. I’m good, how are you?” She asks, walking over to give me a hug. 

I hug her back for a few seconds before pulling away. 

“I’m doing great, I’m happy to be back. It’s nice to see you again, it’s been like what, almost ten years?” I ask, trying to make polite conversation as the guys would not do that simple notion out of awkward feelings. 

“Yeah, that’s nuts. I can’t believe that.” She says shaking her head in disbelief. 

“Are you ready to go?” Jake asks her, smiling at the both of us. 

“Yeah, sure.” She looked over at him, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. 

“Great. I’ll see you guys soon.” He waves back at us. 

“Bye everyone. It was good to see you, (Y/N).” She smiles softly at me. 

“You too.” I smile before turning and walking back over to Quil and Embry. 

“So what now?” I ask them, ready for almost anything. 

“Well, we could go cliff diving.” Quil suggests. 

“No we can’t.” Embry said quickly. 

“Why not?” Quil exclaims. 

“She can’t do that. She’ll get hurt. Or drown. And she’s afraid of heights, remember?” Embry looked at Quil like he had five heads. 

“Oh shit, yeah. Almost forgot.” Quil had a look of realization on his face. 

He remembers I’m afraid of heights. 

“Where do you guys go cliff diving?” I ask.

“We can show you, but we’re not doing it.” Embry tells me. 

“Well, that works I guess. We can include that in our day.” I shrug.

“Oh, that reminds me. I should go help Sam.” Quil says. 

“You guys still didn’t fix that pipe?” I ask him. 

“Pipe?” Embry asks. 

“Yeah, Embry. The pipe that was leaking yesterday. You and Paul tried to fix it, but couldn’t. Then Jacob and I went and fixed it after last night.” He looks at him with stern eyes. 

“Oh yeah. That pipe. It’s been a long week for me.” Embry laughs. 

I look between the both of them, wondering what was wrong with them. 

“Yeah. So Paul came and got you. Did you guys fix it or is it still leaking?” I ask again. 

“No we fixed it. I just told him I would help him clean and fix everything else up from the leak.” Quil said. 

“Ah I see.” I raise my eyebrows at him. 

“You saw Paul last night?” Embry questions. 

“Yeah after you guys left Sam’s.” I tell him. 

He nods his head, seemingly like the gears are starting to turn in his head. 

“Okay, well when you guys are done lying to me about all of this, let me know what’s actually going on.” I snicker. 

“I gotta go.” Quil runs away into the treeline of the woods, assumingly off to Sam’s house. 

I watch him go, before turning my attention to Embry, who is seemingly looking at anything except for me. He keeps looking around between the trees, the ground, and the clouds. 

“Em?” I ask.

“Yeah?” 

“What’s going on?” 

“Please, not yet.” 

“Not yet?” 

“Just, please. Trust that I will tell you soon. When the time is right. You just got back and I don’t wanna lose you.” 

“Em, why would you lose me? You could never lose me.” I say, walking closer to him. 

“I don’t know, it’s… it’s a lot. I’m really happy to have you back. Let’s just hang out, spend some time together. Maybe later, please?” 

His eyes were begging me to just agree, and I couldn’t say no. 

“Okay, yeah. That’s fine. Just please, don’t leave me in the dark too long. I already feel like I was for two years. Now that I’m back I want it all to be transparent with everyone again. I don’t wanna feel like I’m left in the dark again, Em.” I look up to his chocolate brown eyes, feeling like I could see his soul. 

“I won’t, I promise. I just… I want to see you, bean. I want the way you see me now to stay, I don’t want to see you lose the light in your eyes when you look at me.

“Embry, I don’t think that’s even possible. You have such a special place in my heart, you have a soul like no other.” I smile up at him. 

He pulled me into another rib-crushing hug, as comforting as it was painful. 

“Em, you’re kinda hurting me.” I whimper out. 

“Shit, sorry. I’ll be better with that.” He looks at me apologetically. 

“It’s okay. But we should probably leave Jake’s backyard and find something to do, or somewhere else to go.” I suggest, realizing how we’re just standing in the yard alone. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s go to the cliff. And then I wanna bring you somewhere else, but that’s a surprise.” His smile gleamed vibrantly. 

“Okay, sounds like a plan.” I blush at the thought of a surprise. 

We begin walking to my car before he speaks up again. 

“It almost feels like we were never apart. I know we talked a lot on the phone, but it feels like you never left. Ya know, being with you feels just as comfortable; just the same.” He smiles at me, as he opens my car door for me. 

“I know, it’s a nice feeling. It feels… right.” I look at his beautiful face, beaming with happiness. 

He directed me to the cliff where they would jump from. As we walked out onto it, my jaw almost hit the floor. 

“Embry, you jump from up here?” I ask, almost dying of shock. 

“Yeah. Most others jump from the lower level. We dive from up here, though.” He looks at me, smiling awkwardly. 

“How do you not… die? I see what you meant now. I probably would die.” I say, cautiously peeking over the edge of the cliff. 

Embry grabs ahold of my waist gently, steadying both my balance and my nerves. 

“It’ll all make sense soon. You wouldn’t die going down with one of us though. If we went down together, you’d be fine, bean.” He smiled sweetly at me.

“How? I’m going to need an explanation sooner rather than later because nothing makes sense anymore.” I chuckled, looking down at my feet. 

“Well, I’d be able to swim against the rough water, I can get us back up to the surface quickly, and most of all-- I’m just that great.” He said with his cheeky grin. 

“Oh I keep forgetting about how great you are.” I mock lightly. 

“(Y/N), I promise I’ll explain to you tonight. I just want a day of normalcy with you. Then I’ll answer any question you have.” His eyes looked deep into mine, digging into my soul.

“Okay, Em. Let’s have some fun. Let’s go to your surprise place.” I smiled at him. 

“Okay.” He grabbed my hand, pulling me to the car. The way his massive hands held mine, felt like two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together. I never wanted him to let go, Embry’s touch was intoxicating. 

 __________________________________

Word Count: 3459

I hope you guys enjoy this series I’m doing. It happened after I spun off of something else I was writing. I hope you enjoy, please give some feedback!

 I  II  III  IV  V  VI  VII  VIII  VIIII  X  XIR XIE  XII  XIII  XIV  XV XVI  XVII  XVIII  XIIII

[13-reasons-ideas]

So I have this idea, You know how people want/like things they can’t have, MontyxOC have always had this friendship that bordered on something more but it never got there. She gets a boyfriend, Monty starts avoiding her majorly & their friendship crumbles until one night he shows up at her door & lays his cards out, they have a heated argument but then it turned into into something else quite heated😘 and as bad as it was that she cheated she doesn’t regret it, he’s all she’s ever wanted anyway

Why Didn’t You Say Anything? 

A/N: contains SMUT. DNI if under 18. 18+ ONLY. Trigger warning: rough CONSENSUAL sex. I hope you like this. I’m sorry it took WAY too long to get around to finishing but I was having a lot of issues finding inspiration for requests. I’ve found it again though so expect more to come. As always, I love feedback and much love. - Em

Montgomery and I had been friends since… well since forever. As long as I could remember anyway. He was a quiet kid. Kept to himself for the most part when we were younger. I wouldn’t come to find out why exactly that was until much later on in our friendship. We bonded over a love of the same candy. It sounds stupid thinking back on it now, but at the time we were just kids. We didn’t really know how to have interests yet.

Eventually, as we got older and we developed our things, we found that even though our interests didn’t really match the way people thought they should-I was a novice musician, he was on his way to being a star athlete- we bonded over our passion and drive for our respective things. He would come over to my house and watch me teach myself to play guitar, play piano, or sing. I would meet him in the park and play catch when he discovered a love of baseball. Or when we started middle school and he would try to teach me how to throw a football. That… never went very well. But he was pretty good at catching it regardless as it turned out, so it worked out in the end.

Our friendship started to change around middle school too. It wasn’t noticeable at first. He started spending more and more time at my place. By then I had learned what his father was like behind closed doors. That had been an interesting phone call to my mom to come get me. Our conversations became even longer and more personal. We talked about our hopes and dreams. Where we wanted to end up when we were finally adults. The running thing was that no matter what we wanted to be when we grew up that week, we were always staples in each other’s futures. I started to seek him out at lunch more. I felt this desire to be near him that I couldn’t explain. Or maybe I could, and I just didn’t want to, for fear of being rejected and losing my best friend.

In high school, when we made different friends and traveled in different circles, we were still best friends. We had always been basically inseparable. Montgomery and Juliette. Julie and Monty. Where you saw one of us, you usually found the other. I waited for him after football and baseball tryouts and my dad made waffles for dinner when he made the team. There was a seat basically reserved for me at games since freshman year. I only missed two games in three and a half years. Once when I had strep throat in sophomore year and once when my uncle died last year. Monty didn’t want to go to that week’s game. I told him if he didn’t, I would never play piano for him again. For his part, Monty sat through countless hours of me learning songs or listening to tons of voice memos while I was writing my own. He was at every one of my gigs, no matter how big or small. It didn’t matter if there was ten people or a hundred people, he was always there, sitting in the first or second row. Even Bryce Walker couldn’t come between us.

I couldn’t help but feel like there was something more than friendship between us. I was still too afraid of rejection to say anything and he never said anything either. Other people had always made comments about our friendship and how close we were. But we both just laughed it off and attributed it to people not understanding that guys and girls could just be friends. When we were in junior year and it became clear to me that the feelings I had ignored and buried for so long, weren’t reciprocated, I decided it was time to move on. There was no point in pining after someone who didn’t want me back. And as luck would have it, the perfect person to get my mind off of my best friend had just moved to town and was assigned as my chemistry lab partner.

Parker Johnston was an average height, thin but lean, young man from Ohio. He had shaggy blond hair and cobalt blue eyes. He came from a stable, well off family, but he wasn’t a show-off about it. His parents were mortgage brokers who wanted to work in, but not live in the city. Essentially, he was everything Montgomery de la Cruz… wasn’t. He did still like sports though. They have that to bond over. I thought after my first conversation with him after chemistry. I invited him to have lunch with us. The guys on the football team liked him. Even Monty was nice to him. Though, at that point, none of us knew what would become of Parker and I hanging out.

**

“I don’t know Monty. We are just going for burgers at Rosie’s. It’s not like I’m going to marry the guy.” I was on the phone with Monty while I got ready for my first date with Parker. We had been hanging out as friends for seven months or so. Over the summer, we had connected more and found we had more than just a mutual dislike of our chemistry teacher in common.

“Well, what do you think will happen?”

“On our date? Or are you asking if I’ve thought far enough ahead to actually consider if we are getting married? Because I haven’t thought further ahead than my math test next Friday.”

“On your date.”

“I think I will have my usual cheeseburger with pink lemonade, and we will talk. Maybe split a milkshake for dessert. Green or grey shirt?”

“Is it the green with polka dots?”

“No, the plain army green one.”

“Grey. The green one gives you too much cleavage. A cheeseburger and lemonade? That’s it?”  

“He’s seen me in the green one before, and no it doesn’t, but whatever. Yes Monty. That’s it. Why do you care so much, anyway?”

“I don’t. Just want to know what you’re planning. Make sure you’re safe.” I rolled my eyes.

“Well, I appreciate your concern.”

“Anytime. Are you coming to the game on Friday? It’s our second home game. First game of October. You know how you love fall games.”

“Of course, I’m coming. It’s not like I have a choice anymore, you guys are stuck with me.” I joked.

“Haha very funny Julie.”

“I try. Hey, listen. I gotta go. Parker will be here soon. I’ll call you when I get home.”

Our first date was going great. We had been to Rosie’s before together, but it was different now that we were on a date. We were there for hours, just sitting and talking to each other. Monty texted me around eight, just to check in. You still out or do I need to call the cops?

I’m still here. All good. He left me on read. I assumed it was because I was still out. “Everything okay?” Parker asked when he got back from the bathroom.

“Oh, yeah. Just Monty checking in.”

“Fair, fair. I guess that’s my cue to take you home for the night?”

“I suppose so.” Even though we had verbalized the need to leave, neither of us moved to leave.

“One more order of fries?”

“Yes.” After our last order, Parker drove me home and I called Monty to spill all the details as I got ready for bed.

The following Friday, Parker and I went to the game together. It was the first time we were going together just the two of us, and not with a group of friends.  As far as high school football games go, this one was pretty standard. We held hands through most of it. Bryce’s parents were out of town again, so he was having a “we lost but I have money so let’s all get wasted” party. “I’ll meet you in the parking lot? Or did you want to just meet at Bryce’s place? I have to go talk to Monty.”

“We can meet at his place if you want.” He looked confused.

“It’s tradition. I always wait for him. I have since freshman year.”

“Oh, okay then. I’ll see you at Bryce’s place Jules.” He kissed me. I smiled into it before pulling away. I watched him turn and walk down the bleacher steps and turn towards the parking lot before running off to find Monty.

I spotted him talking to Luke and Scott. His back was turned to me. They saw me coming but didn’t react. They know me so well now. They know exactly what is coming. I smiled playfully before wrapping my arms around Monty’s waist tightly. He laughed and pried my hands off of him, before turning around and lifting me up in a hug. I didn’t even complain about the sweat. “You know that doesn’t surprise me anymore Julie.”

“I know. But it’s fun.” He was still holding me. “Are you going to like… put me down at some point?”

He turned back around to face Luke and Scott. They were shaking their heads, grinning. “Nah.” He decided.

“Well. I don’t need to see inside the boy’s locker room so you put me down outside.”

“What, you mean you don’t want to see a whole lot of Brycey’s pasty white ass?” Luke teased.

“No. No I do not. Every day I don’t see that is a good day for me. And since you are hell bent on carrying me, can I at least be comfortable? My legs are just dangling here.” Monty stopped walking so I could wrap my legs around his waist like a backwards piggyback ride. His hands went under my thighs to support my weight.

Thankfully, he put me down outside the boy’s locker room. I played around on my phone while I waited for him. “You know, I smell like sweat now.” I said when he came out, freshly showered and changed. He shook his head and smirked.

“I don’t see that as a bad thing.”

“Dude. I smell like your sweat.” He rolled his eyes and stopped to dig around in his bag. He pulled out one of my t-shirts. It was a little wrinkled but still presentable. I took it when he handed it to me. “Thank you. I’ve been looking for this. How long have you had it?”

“A while.” He shrugged. I ran into the girl’s room to change. I handed him my other shirt.

“Since it’s your sweat, you can wash it.”

“You know, you never used to complain about smelling like sweat after a game.”

“Well, I didn’t have a boyfriend who would care then.”

“Juliette, you didn’t have boyfriend period.”

“You say like you’ve had a girlfriend.”

“Oh, shut up.” He pushed me playfully.

“You know. How the hell did we get to our senior year of high school and neither one of us has actually dated anyone? Tyler Down has been on dates.”

“You’ve been on dates before.”

“Yeah. but it was never anything worth getting past the end of date three. And I wouldn’t call what happens in bedrooms or bathrooms at parties, dating. You’ve been on dates too.”

“I mean, sure. But they weren’t serious.” We had made it to the parking lot now. “I’ll see you at Bryce’s?”

“Yeah. I’m meeting Parker there.”

“Awesome.” I hugged him again before sprinting to my car.

The party was in full swing by the time I arrived. I had run to Walplex to grab a bottle of Advil on the way. Monty’s Jeep was parked out front and I spotted Parker’s Ram was parked up the road a little ways. I parked in an open spot and made my way past the people milling in the front. “Julie!” Bryce called, raising his beer in my direction.

“Bryce!”

“Hey Monty, your girl is here.”

“Not my girl Bryce.” Monty laughed as he handed me a drink.

“How many has he had already?” I whispered.

“Two.” I blinked slowly.

“So, is this Bryce in a good mood?”

“Yup.”

“Huh.”

“Hey Jules.” Parker snaked his arms around my waist and kissed my head. “Hey Monty.”

“Hey. Parker.”

“Oh, shit you’re right. She’s his girl now.”

“Fuck off Bryce.” I teased. Monty was looking at Parker and I with his brow furrowed. I mouthed later to him.

The three of us moved through the party easily. Monty and Parker talked about the game. I tuned them out. I was too busy watching them. It was nice to see my boyfriend and my best friend getting along so well. Maybe that was why I never dated much before. I was scared they wouldn’t get along. Soon enough, Scott pulled Parker away to chat. “Go ahead. I’m good here with Monty.”

“You sure?” I nodded, placing my hand on his arm.

“Just don’t steal him for too long Reed.” I kissed him on the cheek. Scott nodded. When they were out of earshot, Monty spoke.

“You didn’t tell him you hate being called Jules?”

“It’s cute when he does it.”

“Julie. I saw your face when he said it. Your eye twitched.”

“Muscle spasm.”

“Mhmm. Sure.” I caught Scott’s eye from across the room. He nodded slightly to me. I took that to mean I should hear what they were talking about.

“Oh, would you look at that. My cup is empty. Time for another drink. Refill?” I took his cup anyway and he followed me into the kitchen.

While I was refilling our cups, Monty’s with beer and mine with a Crown and Sprite, I listened in on their conversation. Monty tried to hide it but I knew he was listening too. We whispered nothings to each other to make it seem like we weren’t eavesdropping. “So what exactly is their relationship then?” Parker asked. He’s asking about me and Monty.

“They’ve been best friends for as long as anyone can remember. There isn’t anything more to it.”

“They seem to spend a lot of time together.”

“Like I said, they’re best friends. And I don’t think I’m the person you need to be having this discussion with.”

“You know them best. Do I need to be concerned?”

“What? No, of course not. Look. She’s never really dated anyone before. It’s always just been the two of them. You have been seeing Julie for a week officially. It’s going to take some time for that relationship to change. Just leave it alone for now. And Monty is a good guy. He’s an asshole. But he’s a good guy. If he wanted to make a move, he wouldn’t do it now. Not knowing that she is in a relationship. You really should talk to Julie about this though.”

“I will. I just wanted to get a little bit of insight from someone else first. Thanks man.”

“No problem.”

Parker did that guy handshake thing with Scott and started walking in our direction. My eyes widened. Monty just smirked and mouthed math test to me.

“Anyway, yeah. That math test was totally brutal.”

“I’m sure you did great.”

“I’m literally eighty percent sure I failed. Mind you, so is everyone else.”

“I have it on Monday so thanks for the heads up. Oh, hey Parker.”

“Hey guys. What’s on Monday?”

“Math test that ruined my entire class.”

“Damn.” I put my arm around Parker’s waist and leaned into him.

Monty was scanning the room. To Parker, he was just looking at the crowd. But I was familiar with that look. He was on the hunt. I pulled Parker away discreetly so we could be alone and he could seem available. Monty nodded and smirked at us. Fuck off you little shit. I stuck my tongue out at him and Parker rolled his eyes. We managed to find a quiet corner that was unoccupied. “So, your drink is Crown and Sprite. You hate math. You don’t like chemistry. You like extra lettuce on your cheeseburger. We’ve been friends for months and I never really noticed any of that.”

“You like vodka in your iced tea. But your drink is whisky and Coke. You hate history. You also don’t like chemistry. You get tomatoes on the side of your burgers. I think you knew all of that about me. It just didn’t matter before.”

“That makes sense.” I laid my head on his shoulder and we sat together like that for a while. We were still getting used to the change in our relationship.

I looked up from my lap and caught Monty’s eye across the room. He had a girl in his sights. I nodded to him. He smiled, thinking no one else would see. The smile he reserved for me. Before he went to talk to whatever girl he would have under his spell and realistically, him in less than twenty minutes, he came over to us. “I’m probably going to be busy for the rest of the night, so will you make sure she gets home okay?”

“Yeah. No problem.” Monty turned to me and gave me a pleading look.

“Dude. Again? Seriously?”

“I didn’t have time to stop on the way over.” He shrugged, acting innocent.

“One of these days I won’t be here. Or I’ll leave my wallet at home. Or I won’t be carrying. What are you going to do then?”

“That isn’t a right now problem. Now do you, or don’t you?”

“I do. Calm down.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. Parker was watching our interaction with a puzzled look on his face. I pulled out the square silver packet and handed it to him. Monty accepted it gratefully.

“Thank you. You are a life saver.”

“Don’t do anything you’ll regret in the morning, Montgomery.”

“Never do, Juliette.”

“And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“I make no promises.” I sighed deeply. Of course, you don’t. Monty waved at us again and ran off to go make a move on whatever girl it was this time.

I looked at Parker and he was staring at me with wide eyes. “What?”

“You carry condoms around for him?”

“No. I carry them around for me. And if he needs one, then I give it to him.”

“But why?”

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but he’s kind of a whore. He is my best friend, but the man is a whore. I’d rather give him a condom than take him to get tested or become a cool aunt. I’m too young for that.”

“What if you needed it?”

“Will I need it? Because I wasn’t exactly planning on needing it.”

“I don’t know. You never know.”

“Well, if that’s the case, I have a whole box at home anyway. I don’t plan on using any tonight though.”

“I wasn’t either.”

“If it makes you feel better, I can start carrying two. Also, I put a fresh one in my wallet every morning so it’s not like they’re sitting.” He only nodded in understanding. Monty was right. I didn’t see him for the rest of the night. He texted me later that he was crashing at Bryce’s.

A few weeks after that party, things with Monty and I were the same as they always were. Parker never brought up his conversation with Scott. I attributed it to seeing us around each other and Parker being comfortable with the status of our relationship. We were getting home from a coffee date. “My parents are working late if you want to come inside. My mom has a double at the hospital.”

“Sure.” He slipped his hand in my back pocket when I was unlocking the door. I blushed. Inside, I dropped my purse on the kitchen counter. He draped his coat over a chair and sat down. I was digging through the cabinets for a snack when he surprised me with a question.

“What’s going on with you and Monty?”

“Uh.” I paused because he caught me off guard. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just how you guys act with each other. I never noticed it before. Or I did and thought it would stop after we got together.”

“I don’t understand the question?”

“Do I need to be concerned about your relationship with him, Juliette?”

“No. Not at all. Monty is the last person you need to concern yourself with. It’s never been like that with us.”

“So, you just flirt with each other and finish each other’s sentences for no reason?”

“Okay, first of all, we do not flirt with each other. Second of all, we have been best friends since we were in elementary. Which means we know things about each other.” I was walking back to the table with a bowl of M&Ms. Placing it on the table, I sat in his lap gently. He wrapped his arms around me.

“You carry condoms around in your wallet and give him one whenever he wants.”

“I already told you why I carry them Parker.” I rested my head on his shoulder.

“You’re sure there’s never been anything between you guys?” Nothing reciprocated.

“I promise there has never anything between us. He really isn’t a concern that way Parker.” I kissed his neck softly. It was barely a brush of my lips against his skin.

“Do you still have that box?”

“Mhmmm.” He stood me up and grasped my hand.

“Lead the way Jules.”

The next day, I woke up alone. Parker had snuck out after a little bit of cuddling, so my parents didn’t find him here. I stared up at my ceiling for a few minutes. It was different with him. It means something. Maybe that’s what I needed to get Monty out of my system. Maybe it had to mean something. I groaned when my alarm went off again. Reluctantly, I got up and got ready to go to school. My dad had already left for work again. I texted Parker and Monty before I left. Stopping for coffee if you want anything.

Parker answered first. I’m good, thanks though babe.

Monty answered a few minutes later. Since you offered, my usual?

Gotcha. See you at school.

Coffees in hand, I pulled up to school. Parker was waiting for me just outside the parking lot. “Hey you.” He kissed me. We were walking to my locker when he saw the second coffee, he continued, “I said I didn’t want anything.”

“Oh. This isn’t for you. It’s for Monty.”

“Ah, yes.”

“We talked about this last night Park.”

“I know. That’s not all we did last night.” He muttered, leaning in to kiss my neck.

“Yeah. Last night was pretty great.” I smiled.

“What about last night?” Monty asked, scaring me a little.

“Jesus Monty. I need to buy you a bell or something. Why do you have to be the only guy at this school whose shoes don’t squeak?” I turned and stuck out his coffee.

“Parker’s don’t squeak.” I rolled my eyes. As though he could snese that I wanted to talk to Monty alone, he made a quick exit.

“I’ll catch you at lunch Jules.”

“Okay. Save some cheese for me.” Parker kissed me before walking away.

“So, what about last night?” Monty asked again after Parker left. I was quiet and blushed deeply. “Julie, what happened?”

“Homerun.”

“Shit. Seriously?”

“Yeah. It was good. Nice.”

“That… that’s great.” I didn’t notice the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes or that he stammered.

“I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Uh, yeah. I have a couple of things to do for Coach, but I should be able to make at least a little bit of lunch.”

“Okay.”

I fully expected my relationship with Parker to change after that night. But I never expected that night would cause my relationship with Montgomery change too. It seemed like the closer I got to Parker the more distant Monty became. At first, it was little things. He had stuff to do with the guys or for sports stuff at lunches. Or he had things to do after practice. He wouldn’t stop to talk as long in the halls with me. If his dad was on another tear, I would find out about it the next day at school instead of that night. He brushed it off when I asked him about it. “I don’t want to seem like more of a burden. I have other places I can crash too,” he had said. For some reason, I believed him. I didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t the first time he had taken a break from always coming to my place. I didn’t think it would be the last time.

But then, as the days and weeks passed, our relationship became even more strained. He had stopped waiting for me after games. He had all but stopped talking to me at school. My texts were left on read for hours, whereas before, he would answer me within minutes. What had initially been dubbed a ‘break’ from seeking refuge at my house, had become a full out ending. One Monday, when I got to school his cheek was stitched closed. I stopped dead in my tracks and covered my mouth in shock. Upon closer inspection when I passed, it looked like it was stitched with sewing thread. Why didn’t he come to me? He knows my mom keeps a suture kit in the first aid kit. He all but looked through me when he caught me looking. If he saw me coming now, he walked in the other direction. For the first time, my best friend was literally all out ignoring me. I didn’t know what to do. So, I tried to do the same. If he wants to ignore me, then two can play at that game. We pretended the other person didn’t exist.

“Hey, are you okay?” Parker asked me when we were sitting on the couch watching tv.

“Yeah.” I was scrolling through my phone.

“You haven’t looked up from your phone for an entire episode.”

“Huh? Has it been that long?”

“Yes. What are you looking at?” I was scrolling through my texts with Montgomery. The last time we had texted each other was three weeks ago. Before then, the last time we went longer than two days not texting each other was when I was at summer camp and we weren’t allowed to have our phones for a week. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong or what made our relationship change. Parker took my phone from me and closed out of messages when he saw what I was looking at. “If he doesn’t want to talk to you because you have a boyfriend, that’s his problem.”

“That’s not why Parker.”

“How do you know?”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Would he?

“How do you know he wouldn’t, Jules?”

“We promised each other a long time ago that we wouldn’t be those people.”

“Those people?”

“The people who stopped talking when one of us got into a relationship. We promised.”

“Okay, well if you promised then I’m probably wrong.” He sounded skeptical.

“We promised.” I muttered. Parker pulled me closer and held me while I tried to focus on our show.

**

I was sitting cross legged on the couch playing I Almost Do on my guitar while I listened to the rain hitting the roof. The old Disney World sweatshirt I was wearing helped me to stay warm, even though the heat was on. As I finished the bridge, there was a knock at the door. I’m not expecting anyone. Maybe its Parker swinging by to keep me company. I set my guitar down on the coffee table and went to answer the door when there was another, more impatient knock. “I’m coming, keep your pants on.” I muttered under my breath. Yanking open the door I felt my jaw hit the floor. “Monty.” I breathed. He was soaked. His hair fell on his forehead and I could tell the flannel he wore was soaked through.

“Hey.” Was all he said. I blinked at him slowly. “Can I come in?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah come in.” I said, moving out of the way while I tried to figure out what he was doing here. “Did you like… walk here or something?”

“Would you believe me if I said no?”

“No. Trust you not to wear a jacket in the pouring rain though.” He didn’t respond. He just looked around the living room. Okay. This isn’t weird and awkward at all. “What are you doing here Montgomery?”

“I thought about what I wanted to say to you the whole way here. And now that I’m here….”

“What are you talking about?”

“I have some stuff I need to say to you Julie.”

“Oh okay. Now you want to talk to me. Right.” I crossed my arms.

“Can you just let me say what I need to say?”

“Why? I mean, you’ve been avoiding me like the fucking plague for weeks Montgomery. Why should I listen to what you have to say?”

“Because it’s important Juliette.”

“Fine. Speak.” This better be good.

“I don’t know how to say this. I literally had this all planned out in my head on the way here.” He began. I remained silent. “I get that you’re mad at me for avoiding you, but I have reasons for it. And I need you to understand that it hasn’t been easy for me. You’re one of my closest friends.” I let out a dry, unamused laugh. Sure. You just avoid all of your friends. Totally normal behaviour for you. Monty sighed before continuing, “I couldn’t sit around and watch you with Parker. I tried. Believe me. I fucking tried. I tried being happy for you and I tried being friends with him. I tried to ignore everything in me that was screaming to just walk away. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed to walk away for both of our sakes. It wasn’t fair to you for me to be half out of our friendship and it wasn’t fair to me to have to keep everything in. It wasn’t healthy.”

“So, you couldn’t be friends with me, or say anything about why you were suddenly shutting me out, because I have a boyfriend? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. And we promised we wouldn’t be those people.”

“Oh, for fucks-. No Juliette. I couldn’t be friends with you because I’ve been in love with you for four years.”

My eyes widened at his revelation and I felt the colour drain from my face. What? I couldn’t think of anything else to do except laugh. “Yeah, sure you are Monty. That’s rich.”

“You think I would joke about that? You know me Julie.”

“No. I think if you did love me, you would have had the balls to fucking say something about it before I got into a relationship. Or at the very least, to not act like a fuckin’ child when I did get into a relationship.”

“When exactly would I have told you? Somewhere between when you were worrying about your friends and when you were pining after Parker?”

“Yes. Parker and I were friends with each other for months before we started dating. At any of those times, you could have put on your big boy pants and fucking said something about how you felt.”

“That’s nice that you think that. Do you think I would walk halfway across town in the pouring rain for someone I wasn’t in love with? Seriously Juliette?”

“Maybe.” I replied. I was still angry with him, but he did have a point. “It doesn’t matter. You waited too long. I’m with Parker now.” He scoffed. I hadn’t realized how close he had gotten to me until now.

“Doesn’t matter? Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel it. Tell me you don’t feel the fluttering or the warmth when we are together. And then tell me that what you feel with Parker is anything close to that.”

“I-I-I….” I started, trying to meet his hardened gaze.

“You can’t can you?” My silence spoke volumes. “Tell me you don’t want this.” He whispered, as he caressed my cheek. I couldn’t tell him that. And I couldn’t pull away. I couldn’t do anything to stop him. For the first time, I had allowed myself to consider the feelings I had buried down deep for so long. I opened the box in my heart labeled danger, and damn it felt good. I reached up and tapped his arm quickly, twice. Our silent ‘okay’ signal when we couldn’t speak. He immediately kissed me hungrily and backed me against the nearest wall. My hands immediately went to his belt and began to tug at it, in a heated attempt to undo it. He nipped at my lip sharply and I growled lowly from the back of my throat. Giving up on the fickle strip of leather, I began to fight with his still wet shirt. The flannel stuck to the cotton of his t-shirt more and more with every tug. Abandoning the idea of removing them separately, I grabbed the bottom of his shirts together and pulled up harshly. All the while, his lips never left mine. The only time they did was to give me the space to pull off his tops. His eyes had darkened at least two shades as he stood in front of me. I felt my pupils dilate again as I reached out for him. He was on me in seconds. The feeling of him tugging at my sweater, now sightly damp from his clothes, as though I was a prize he couldn’t wait to tear into, stirred something inside of me. The primal aggressiveness and the slow burning, ever present tension of the situation making any consequences of our actions, seem totally irrelevant. He managed to remove my shirt with far fewer struggles than I did and began attacking my neck, leaving wet kisses and stinging nips down one side and then the other. Once again, I tried my hand at undoing his belt again. This time, I was able to. Quickly undoing it, I pulled it through the loops of his dark jeans and went for the button. He placed his hand on mine to stop me. I looked at him questioningly.

“What?” I asked, breathlessly.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this in your living room.” He said, panting. I nodded in agreement and suddenly, he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.

“Monty!” I exclaimed, taken by surprise. He merely tightened his grip on my waist as he walked through the house to my room in the basement.

In my dark room, only illuminated by the dim pink-red glow of the salt lamp on my nightstand, he strode towards my bed and dropped me on my back. I reached out to him as he took a step back from the bed. “Get back here.” I demanded. He chuckled and shook his head.

“No. Nuh uh. I’ve waited far too long for this moment.” He smirked, devilishly. I groaned in displeasure at him. His smirk widened.

Deciding it was time to take matters into my own hands again, I sat up and slid off my bed. Taking my place on my knees in front of him, I reached up and undid the button and zipper on his jeans. He made no move to stop me as I dropped to my knees and pulled the denim harshly. They fell in a pool at his feet and I sat back on my heels as I stared at the bulge in his boxers. I growled lowly in the back of my throat and reached for the waistband of his boxers. Pulling them down, I watched his cock spring free and whined unconsciously. My movements were suddenly timid as I reached for it. It wasn’t my first time by any means. But it felt different this time. This time it was with Monty. And you have a boyfriend who isn’t Monty. Oh, shut up and let me enjoy this. I’ll deal with the consequences later. Grasping his thick, heavy cock in my hand, I stroked it softly. This was so wrong, yet it felt so wonderfully right.

My strokes changed as I gained more confidence and was able to push away any intrusive thoughts about Parker. They were faster and I tightened my grip slightly. Montgomery let out a sharp breath when my ring fingernail caught a bit of skin. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, you’re excited. Just remember we have all night Julie.”

“I know.” His hips started to buck a little bit and my mouth began to water.

“We have plenty of time for that later.” I groaned a little. “Look at me.” I looked up at him through my lashes. “I promise you can after I fuck you into your mattress.” My eyes widened as big as saucers. We went from five to a hundred real quick. Fucking hot though.

Monty took my bicep in his hand to pull me up before pushing me back down on the bed roughly. I gasped in shock. I sat up on my elbows and watched him unbutton and rip open the zipper on my jeans. He pulled them down with a little help from me. He took a very brief second to admire my mint underwear before pulling them off and chucking them across my room. I sat up to undo and remove my pink bralette. A low growl came from deep in his chest when my breasts were out in the open and I was naked. His eyes scanned my body hungrily. My own dark eyes admired his naked body. I grabbed his arm to pull him down towards me.

“There is so much I want to do to you, but it will have to wait until later.” He whispered in my ear, biting at my earlobe. He bit and sucked his way down my neck, easily pulling loud moans out of me. There were sure to be marks all over my neck in the morning. Consequences be damned.

“Later, yes.” I panted. I could feel his hard length against my thigh. I rutted my hips against his. He kissed me passionately. When his hand trailed down my body, I knew his intentions. “No time. Just do it. Need it.” He stilled. The passion and tension were still in the air but there was a slight shift.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yes. Just be quick about it and it’ll be fine.” I stuck out my pinky. He linked his with mine.

“If you need me to stop and adjust, just say so.”

“I will.” I nodded, trying to edge him along. Just hurry the hell up and do it.

Monty straightened up and pulled my hips closer to the edge of the bed. I shut my eyes as he lined his cock up with my entrance. No matter how ready I was and how much I wanted it, it was still a reflex. I barely felt the tip, but I knew more was coming. He held my hands in his, interlocking our fingers as he pushed further. The stretch stung a little. He was bigger than Parker and without taking the time to prepare me, it burned slightly. I whimpered softly and he stilled immediately. Only about half was inside of me. “No, no keep going. Please.” I begged.

“I don’t want to hurt you Juliette.”

“Montgomery. I need you to do it. It hurts more if you stop. Please just do it. You can give me time to adjust after.” I told him seriously, staring into his eyes.

“Okay. Deep breath.” I sucked in a big breath and let it out as he quickly thrust the rest of his cock into me. I yelped sharply and he stilled again. I felt him go to pull out and growled harshly at him.

“Don’t you dare. Just give me a second.” He nodded and stayed still, allowing me time to adjust to his size.

After a minute or so, I was ready. The pain had dissipated for the most part. I felt like we could keep going. “Okay.” I nodded. His thrusts were slow and shallow at first. The more he did it, the more comfortable it became. When my moans grew louder, his thrusting became faster. He was fucking me hard and fast. Quite literally fucking me into the mattress. I tried to match him thrust for thrust. It was sloppy at first, but soon enough, we had a good rhythm going. He leaned down more, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. His cock was buried deeper in me and I screamed. He was moaning and grunting softly in my ear. I let go of his hands and wrapped my arms around his back. Dragging my nails down, I scratched him from his shoulder blades all the way down to his mid to low back.

“Jesus Christ.” He spat out. I smirked and dug my nails into his back. He nipped my collar bone. I was panting and I could feel my core tightening. “Fuck. You are so fucking tight.” Monty stood straight again and hooked one of my legs over his shoulder. The changed angle felt like magic. My moans had become whimpers again. I bit my bottom lip to keep from screaming once again. He used his right hand to rub my clit harshly while his left steadied the leg on his shoulder. I couldn’t hold a scream in after that. His thrusts were starting to get sloppy just as I had begun to fall over the edge. My orgasm hit me like a freight train. My entire body shook. I groaned when I felt his own orgasm hit. The feeling of his cock pulsing inside of me was exquisite. Thank God for birth control and regular testing. Monty pulled out of me gently and half fell, half laid down onto my bed beside me. He was panting harshly. So was I.

“Fuck me.” I muttered.

“I just did.” He panted. I groaned, unable to find the energy to flip him off or move or make an actual noise in response. After a couple of minutes, he stood and put his boxers back on. I hadn’t moved. He walked to the bathroom across the hall, and I heard the water running. Back in my room, he gently wiped me clean with a warm washcloth. It felt very nice on my sensitive folds. I groaned again. Once I was wiped clean, he climbed on the bed again and pulled me close. I snuggled against his chest.

I woke up in Montgomery’s strong arms the next morning. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I groaned softly. Monty stirred behind me. I leaned into him. He sighed. “Half of me thought last night was a really hot dream.” He mumbled sleepily.

“It wasn’t.” I yawned. We rolled onto our backs and I stared at the ceiling. We were quiet for a time. I was processing what happened last night. I cheated on Parker. With the one person…. The one person what? I told him not to worry about? I mean, yeah. But if that was the reason, I would have regretted it as soon as we were done. Oh shit. What does this mean for our friendship?

“Do you regret it?” I paused before answering. I knew the answer already but what would it say about me if I answered him immediately?

“No. Do you?”

“Not a bit.”

“What does this mean? What are we supposed to do now?”

“I don’t know. I can’t tell you what to do. But if I were you, I would break up with Parker.”

“That would be the kind thing to do.”

“Yes.”

“Did… did you mean what you said last night?”

“About you?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t it kind of obvious?” He motioned between the two of us. I laughed.

“I just wanted to confirm.” Monty chuckled and turned to kiss my temple.

“Does this mean,” I paused again, “was this just to get it out of our systems? Or do you want more?”

“I want more if you want more. I’d also be down for another round.” I sat up a little and pulled the sheet around my chest to look at him. He was smirking wider than I had seen him smirk in a long time.

“I think I would like more. And as for another round, I think I need to talk to Parker first before this goes any further.” He considered that for a moment.

“That’s fair. I can respect that.” We were quiet again. He’s all you’ve ever really wanted anyway.

[themandhoelorian]

Dincember - December 2: December (Ariana Grande version)

summary: Your plans for Life Day include getting dressed up, going to the cantina, and doing anything to stop thinking about the Mandalorian that’s been frequenting your repair shop. But when he shows up with a broken heater, your plans quickly go out the window as you work to keep him warm.

pairing: din djarin (the mandalorian) x gn! reader (but they have long hair)

warnings: *spicy* themes (reader throws that ass back ahaha, some shoulder touching, implied smut), mentions of drinking, a little bit of swearing, heels and a minidress probably deserve a warning considering the pain they’re caused me, a lot of Yearning (TM)

word count: 3.8k 

a/n: I had never heard this song before writing this, and let me tell you, it was NOT AT ALL what I was expecting. I never thought a xmas song would inspire so many Thots in me, but here we are I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . Hope you enjoy!

***

Maker knows there’s no good reason for you to be wearing this dress.

You wanted to wear something at least a little bit festive to celebrate Life Day, but the shimmering silver frock you picked is admittedly a bit fancy for going to a party that’ll just be Nevarro’s shadiest figures getting plastered in the cantina.

You’ll probably freeze because of it too, the lacy edges of the skirt barely grazing your mid thighs and the thin straps doing nothing to protect your shoulders from the wind. 

It’s so damn impractical, you’re not even sure there’s an event that this would be an appropriate outfit for, but you haven’t had a reason to get dressed up in so long that your wardrobe has dwindled to the few plain jumpsuits you work in.

And for some reason, this tiny piece of satin.

So without much hope of finding something better to wear in the small market, here you are, tugging down the edges of this too-short dress, trying to make yourself look a little more sensible before you head out the door.

It’s far from ideal, but you figure it’s worth it if it means you’ll finally be able to go out for the first time in Maker knows how long.

It has to have been at least a year, before things started picking up so much at the shop that you barely had time to sleep, never mind going out and doing anything for pleasure. You’d chosen to set up your repair shop on Nevarro knowing you’d have a steady stream of business from the bounty hunters returning with their always damaged quarries and usually damaged ships, and for the first few years, that’s exactly what you had. Enough work to keep yourself fed and the shop running, but not so much that you never stepped outside to see the light of day. It was the perfect work-life balance you’d heard so much about.

But then one day, a certain Mandalorian landed his cruddy ass, pre-Imperial, piece of crap ship on your dock, and you haven’t gone out since.

When he first started coming in, you thought you had lots of time to take on another client, but as you’d quickly come to realize, Mando is no ordinary customer.

For one thing, no one else returns to Nevarro nearly as often as him. Give your average Guild member half a dozen pucks, and he’ll be back for his payment in about three months. 

Mando’s back in a matter of weeks. 

Just the sheer frequency of his visits in addition to your original clientele is enough to keep your hands full, but on top of that, there’s his sad excuse for a ship, always seeming to be on the verge of falling apart, that you have to deal with. 

You’re not sure if it’s because the Razor Crest is a prehistoric relic or if his quarries actively hack away at the frame while he drags them into the carbonite or if Mando is just totally incapable of maintaining even a base level of functionality on his ship, but every time he comes back with his half dozen frozen bodies, his ship has just as many repairs for you to complete.

Honestly, it’s a little ridiculous how often Mando is in your shop, how many times you’ve had to rewire the same parts, but you can’t say you’re ever upset when you see the sputtering thrusters of the Crest dropping onto your dock. He pays you well, always tipping more than you probably deserve, and he keeps you company if you’re still working when he returns from getting his next round of assignments. 

At first, he would just watch silently as you showed him how to perform routine maintenance on the part you were fixing. You didn’t mind, it was nice to have someone there when you were alone in the shop most of the time, but once you’d explained every part twice over with no fewer damages to the Crest, you decided maybe it’d be better to talk about other things instead.

For a while, he kept up the steely mystique, only grunting out a few words if you asked him a question, and you thought he was getting irritated with how often you tried to coax him into conversation, wondering each time he flew off if that would be the last time you did business with him.

But he kept coming back, kept hanging around whenever you patched up his ship, and slowly, you got him to talk. He started with stories of his most recent hunts before working backwards through the memories of his distant past, showing you a dry wit and smoldering tenderness you found yourself growing fond of.

As more and more of his deep, filtered voice replaced the silence you’d come to expect from your job, you found yourself losing more and more of the free time you’d become used to as well, for reasons that had nothing to do with the fragile machinery of the Crest. 

You started taking longer to complete even the simplest tasks when he was there, getting too caught up in thinking of a snappy response to his teasing comments to care about being efficient about snapping the ship’s broken parts back into place. And then, without fail, every time you thought you were finally done, several hours behind schedule, he’d suddenly remember that there was just one more thing he wanted you to look at, keeping you working for an extra hour or two as the sky turned dark outside. 

If anyone else asked you to stay past your listed hours on such a regular basis, you would slam the door in their face without a second thought, but for Mando, you’re always a little too willing to do the work for him.

After all, if you turned him away, you’d just end up where you always do after a long day in the shop, curled up in bed, thinking of him even long after he’s gone as you work the tension from your body. You’d remember how he looked, what his voice sounded like that day, and inevitably your mind would drift to wondering what his broad chest would look like hovering over you as his gloved hands fist your sheets, what his voice would sound like growling that nickname you don’t understand into your neck.

You know it’s wrong, but what can you say? You need some kind of release from working so damn much and it’s his fault you don’t have time for a more wholesome form of self care. It’s only fair that he be the one to help you, even if it’s just in your head.

Not that you don’t wish he’d help you for real too.

Maker, you don’t know how this happened, but somehow, Mando’s managed to take over your entire life. When he’s here, you spend all day flirting with him while you fix his ship, when he’s not you spend all day wishing he was, and at night, well, you’re definitely still thinking about him then. You’re in desperate need of something to distract you from him, somewhere to go that isn’t this shop and someone to talk to that isn’t covered in beskar.

So when you ran into Karga on your last run to the market and he invited you to a party at the cantina for Life Day, you immediately accepted. You usually don’t like parties, much preferring to stay in for the holidays, but you figured going out for a big celebration was exactly the chaos you needed right now. Talking to strangers mindlessly all night to distract yourself from your thoughts and drinking enough to drown out the rest sounded like the perfect plan for Life Day.

Especially when the alternative is staying here alone, cold and miserable, as you imagine what it’d be like to spend the holiday with Mando.

So you closed the shop early today, giving you lots of time to dig through your closet for the most festive (and apparently shortest) piece of clothing you own and get ready for the party at a leisurely pace. You felt overindulgent spending so much time on your appearance, and you’re almost certain you’re going to show up severely overdressed, but hey. If it makes tonight feel as far from your everyday life as possible, you’re all for it.

You’re just about to head out, checking yourself once over in the mirror as you slip on a pair of strappy heels, when the comm in the control room starts beeping. 

Kriff, you swear you had turned everything off when you locked the landing dock, but even if you hadn’t, you don’t know who the hell is trying to get their ship fixed on Life Day. For the few hours you had the shop open today, not one person showed up, and even yesterday, only one customer had dropped in for a quick oil change. Everything always seems to freeze around the holidays, the galaxy in silent agreement to leave business aside for a couple days, but apparently the dumbass waiting outside your shop didn’t get that memo.

You let the beeping run, figuring whoever’s trying to get through will eventually leave on their own, but it never stops, the blaring persisting as you struggle with the buckle of your heel until it’s just too much to ignore. You storm into the control room, the unsecured sole of your sandal slapping against your foot as you slam the speak button on the console.

“It’s Life Day. We’re closed,” you snap, returning to your heel before you can even check the source of the frequency. You finally fasten the strap and start to back out of the room, but then a smooth, modulated voice comes through the comm that makes you freeze. 

“Even for me, mesh’la?” 

Maker, of course it’s him. Of course he has to show up the one time you’re absolutely not supposed to be thinking about him. 

“Especially for you, Mando. You’re already in my shop too much, you can’t be here on my one day off too.”

You try to sound irritated. You should be irritated, he’s actively messing up your plans right now, but you know you’re not fooling anyone when just the sound of his voice makes your heart flutter.

“It won’t take long, it’s just my heater this time,” he reasons. “Are you really gonna let me freeze, mesh’la?”

You think that maybe you should. Maybe if you left him in the cold he’d be so upset that he’d stop coming to you for repairs. Maybe then you could finally stop thinking about him.

But really, you know that would just make you more miserable.

“I showed you how to fix it last time, you can warm yourself up,” you challenge. “Or did you really forget already?”

“I remember. I just wanted you to do it for me.”

That makes you pause. Why would he come to you for something he already knows how to fix? Mando’s not exactly one to waste credits on things he doesn’t need, and he’s considerate enough that you wouldn’t expect him to bother you on Life Day with something he could take care of himself. 

You’re about to point it out and turn him away, but then he sighs your name, warm and rich even through the comm, and you feel what little resolve you have left evaporate into the temperate air.

“Come on, I’m kriffing cold.”

“Fine,” you mumble as you punch a passcode into the console. The ceiling of the shop whirrs open, revealing the familiar sight of the Razor Crest descending onto your dock. 

You have time, you decide. If it’s really just the heater, it should only take 15 minutes to finish, still leaving you lots of time to get to the party, and you figure it’d be a little cruel to let Mando to spend Life Day cold and alone on that sad hunk of metal, even if he can technically fix those problems by himself. 

Besides, he’s already ruined your plans of not thinking about him today, you might as well let yourself see him too.

By the time you grab your tool kit from the closet and step out of the control room, heels clacking loudly against the worn duracrete, Mando’s halfway down the ramp. He’s about to greet you, but as you approach, his already rigid stature tenses, his visor trailing over the exposed skin of your chest and legs. 

You can’t help but smirk, knowing he’s probably shocked at seeing you like this, in a dress with your hair draping over your shoulders, a drastic contrast to the way you usually only wear plain jumpsuits and keep your hair pulled back in a messy knot.

“I should make you pay extra for making me work when I look like this,” you joke.  

You strut past him into the ship, heading straight for the heating system in the corner of the hull you’d come to know so well.

“Yeah,” he rasps out, following behind you. “Sorry, uh, were you about to go somewhere?”

“No, I just hang around the shop like this when you’re not here.”

He cocks his head to the side when you look back at him, like he’s rolling his eyes at you under the helmet and waiting in annoyance for an actual answer. You give him a playful grin as you hand him the tool bag. 

“I got invited to a Life Day party. Figured I should probably try to dress up a little bit.”

“Oh. It-- well, you look good.”

You scoff as you turn back to inspect the pipes, squatting with your knees pressed together, one hand holding the back of your dress down.

“I’d look good in anything compared to what you usually see me in.”

“No, mesh’la, you always look good. But this…”

You’re not sure if he stops mid sentence or if your brain just isn’t comprehending what he’s saying anymore because hold on-

Did Mando just say you always look good? 

You turn back to him and raise your eyebrows, silently urging him to elaborate, but he just stares at you with that impossibly intense gaze, making your stomach flip and giving you absolutely no indication as to why he just said that.

Well if he’s gonna be like that, you guess you’ll just have to figure out what he meant for yourself.

You walk towards him until you’re mere inches from the tool bag he’s cradling against his chest, holding his gaze as you slowly pull a wrench from the assortment of tools. You linger there for a second, looking up at him through your lashes, before you make your way back to the heater.

But this time, instead of squatting tastefully to reach into the panel, you bend over, sticking your ass out towards Mando as the short skirt of your dress rides up your thighs.

Mando coughs behind you, so you look over your shoulder at him, arching your back more to maintain your position. His grip on the bag tightens while he growls out your name in a warning that goes straight to your core, and it takes all your willpower to keep your composure as you blink innocently at him. 

“What’s wrong, Mando?” you mewl. 

He actually grunts at that, shifting his weight from where he was leaning into one hip so he stands completely upright. He looks even broader like this, so strong and domineering that you know you should be intimidated, but you just feel incredibly hot watching him squirm.

“Just- stars, just fix the kriffing heater already.”

Your lips turn up into a wicked grin as you turn back to finish the repair.

“Okay, Mando. Whatever you say.”

As you make quick work of the damaged pieces, you can’t help but revel in the feeling of Mando’s gaze burning into the expanse of your thighs, relish in the knowledge that the ever stoic Mandalorian is flustered at just the sight of you. 

You can’t lie, this feels good. Really kriffing good. After months of thinking about him every time you laid in bed and trying desperately to forget those sinful images every time he’s near you, to know you have that kind of effect on him too is sending warmth all over your body, along your chest and through your stomach.

With a final twist of the wrench, you flip the switch to turn the heater on, the old pipes creaking and small puffs of vapor shooting out of the system as it hums to life. You admit, it’s not your best work, but in your defense, you’re not usually trying to, well, present yourself to your customers while doing a repair. 

And honestly, you couldn’t give a damn about how well the finicky heater’s working when Mando is right there, so clearly enticed by your show, and you’re as close as you’ve ever been to getting what you’ve been dreaming of.

You stand up, smoothing down the back of your dress as you turn back towards him. He hasn’t moved at all since you went back to work, still standing with his back perfectly straight and gripping your tool bag just as tightly as he was a few minutes ago. 

“Well, that should do it,” you muse, looking into the steely visor.  You’re expecting him to make a move, say something or step towards you or really just do anything, but he just nods, keeping the painstaking tension in the rest of his armored body. 

For a while, neither of you move, frozen as you try to anticipate what the other is thinking. From what Mando has told you, you think this is what hyperspace must feel like, each moment seeming to stretch into infinity as the energy of a million stars spins around you. The two of you look at each other, unmoving for what feels like ages, willing the other to close the gap first and let the galaxy of suspense you’ve created collapse around you. 

You wait and wait, but at some point you remember this is Mando you’re dealing with, the man so stubborn his head is literally made of beskar. Mando, the reason you’ve abandoned the Life Day plans you were determined to follow through on because he wouldn’t take no for an answer when you said you were closed. 

Maybe it’s persistence or maybe he just knows that if he waits long enough, you’ll give him whatever he wants anyway, but regardless, there’s no chance he’s going to be the first to give into this standoff, no matter how bad you both want it.

No, if you want this, you’re going to have to work for it.

But you’ve never minded having to do a little extra work for him.

You stride towards him, returning the wrench to the tool bag before taking it from his arms and placing it on a crate behind you.

“While you have me here,” you say, turning back to him with wide eyes. You take another step towards him, bringing yourself so close that you can hear the soft hitch of his breath come from his modulator.

“Is there anything else I can do to help you stay warm?”

He brings his hand up to brush your hair off your shoulder, exposing the thin strap of your dress. You shudder as the worn leather of his gloves barely glances across your skin, the small touch charged by the way he keeps the rest of his body so static.

“Yeah, mesh’la. There is.”

You gasp when he hooks a finger underneath the strap of your dress, his touch feather light as he traces a line from your collarbone to the top of your shoulder. 

“Yeah?” you whisper. “Tell me, Mando. Whatever you want.”

“Don’t go to the party tonight,” he hums, his voice thick and dripping with desire, making heat pool in your stomach. He fixates on the strap, rubbing the satin between his index finger and thumb. “Stay here instead. Let me take this pretty thing off you. Show you just how grateful I am that you always keep me warm.”

“Okay,” you exhale a little too quickly, but he just keeps studying you, staying completely still besides the hand playing with your dress. You don’t know why he’s still holding back, not sure how much clearer you need to be for him to know you want this, but if he needs another reassurance, you’re more than willing to give it to him.

You’ll give him anything if it means he’ll finally touch you the way you both want.

You bring your hand up to cover his, stopping the rhythmic movement of his fingers as you guide his gloved fist down your arm. The strap of your dress slips off your shoulder, the neckline hanging dangerously low on your chest, and you lick your lips as you stare straight into his visor.

“I said whatever you want, didn’t I?”

And then finally, finally, he gives in, pushing you back against the wall and peeling the dress from your body. His hands run over every inch of you, his grip firm and electric on your skin, and he doesn’t stop until you’re crying his name as you come undone beneath him.

***

Hours later, you end up where you always do after a long day in the shop, curled up in bed, thinking of a certain Mandalorian. 

But today wasn’t just another day in the shop. Today was Life Day. 

Today was supposed to be different.

Maker, you can’t believe you let Mando ruin your Life Day plans, let him take over the one day that you were absolutely not supposed to think about him. You can’t help but feel a little pathetic thinking about how much of a grip he has on you, how you can’t manage to have a life outside of him for even one day. It’s driving you so crazy you think you won’t be able to sleep-

But then he shifts next to you, wraps an arm around your torso and pulls your back to his bare chest. He mumbles something in your ear that you don’t understand- cyar’ika, you think he says- his voice sounding so affectionate even though it’s thick with sleep. 

Your heart swells as he holds you, the even breaths coming from the modulator easing the worries from your mind, and as you drift into the sweet lull of sleep, you think maybe it’s not so bad that you let Mando mess up your Life Day plans.

You’d let him mess up all your plans if it meant you could end every day like this.

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

Sunflower - Harry Styles AU Series (Volume 10)

The year is 1977 and it’s officially summertime. Y/N is spending it with her family at the Malibu Breeze Hotel, where she meets, aspiring musician, Harry Styles. The two clash in the beginning, but soon realize they may just need each other in the end. Find out just how life changing one summer can be in Sunflower, a Harry Styles AU.          

 Vol. 1 Vol. 2  Vol. 3 Vol. 4. Vol. 5 Vol. 6  Vol. 7   Vol. 8   Vol. 9 

**

I didn’t sleep a wink in the remaining hours of the night. I was asleep, yes, but I feel more exhausted now than before I even laid down. The events of last night replayed in my head causing my stomach to lurch. I ran to the bathroom emptying my stomach’s contents, not that there was anything in there to begin with.

Marianne rushed into the bathroom, her eyes filled with concern as she sighed, “Let’s get you cleaned up.” she said.

She walked over to the sink, wetting a washcloth and wiping around my mouth, “Want to talk about what happened?”

“It all happened so fast,” I sniffled. “Harry and I were talking after rehearsals. He walked me back to the hotel and William showed up. He made threats and said some things about me and pushed me… next thing I know he and Harry are throwing fists and rolling around in the sand. I tried breaking it up, but it didn’t work. I got Jasper and Mitch… Harry wouldn’t even look at me after.”

“Damn, little sister,” she sighed. “I’ve seen some crazy shit go down at the discos, but I’ve never had two men fighting over me.”

“They weren’t fighting over me, at least, not as a whole. William’s pissed at the fact that I don’t want him and apparently that never happens. Harry just hates him,” I sighed.

“I’m starting to hate Daddy’s little boy, too,” she said.

“I need to talk to Mom and Dad,” I sighed. “And Harry. I need to make sure I didn’t fuck things up with him… and the band.”

“I’ll talk to Mom and Dad,” she said. “I already told you I would. You get washed up, changed, and go see Harry.”

“What if he doesn’t want to see me?” I whispered.

“Then walk away and try again later,” she said. “He may just need some space.”

I nodded, looking down, hoping that was the least he would need.

**

I stared at Bungalow Valley for ages as I contemplated on my next move. I was supposed to walk straight ahead to Harry’s door and give it a knock, but apparently my legs and feet didn’t get the memo. Most of the employees that lived there were walking out dressed in their uniforms headed to their morning shifts. I wondered if Harry would be going in today with the black eye he was sure to have. Pretty sure The Malibu Breeze frowned upon their staff having such an appearance. Plus, if William was walking around with a black eye and other various bruises, it wouldn’t take long before people put two and two together, if William hadn’t already spread the word.

Not sure if my legs finally woke up or I just didn’t want to seem like a stalker anymore, but I finally started moving towards Harry’s place. I really hoped I didn’t run into a situation like the previous morning, but that was obviously a chance, so I mentally prepared myself as best I could.

I tapped on the door and waited for a bit before Jasper opened the door.

“Y/N?” He asked. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see him… talk to him about last night,” I answered.

“I don’t know-” Jasper replied.

“Let her in,” a muffled voice called out from behind him.

Jasper sighed, stepping aside and letting me walk inside. I didn’t know what to expect when I walked in, but Harry’s face wasn’t nearly as bad as I would have thought. He only had a few cuts, some bruising, and a little swelling. It definitely could have been worse.

“I’ll let you two have some privacy,” Jasper coughed before walking out the door.

“Hi,” I breathed out, looking over at Harry.

“This wasn’t your fault,” Harry blurted out.

“What?” I asked.

“You feel bad and like this was your fault, it’s not,” he said.

“How is it not?” I sighed. “William wouldn’t have said shit to you, if I hadn’t-”

“William is an ass. It’s not the first time we’ve had a run in,” Harry said. “But it is the first time, it got that bad.”

“Which was probably because of me,” I sighed.

“Maybe a little,” he winced.

“How are you feeling?” I asked him.

“Like shit,” he groaned. “But I’ll live. Luckily, today’s my day off, so I don’t have to worry about explaining why my eye is about two sizes too big.”

I walked over to him, gently running my hand over his injuries. He tenses under my touch a little bit before relaxing into it.

“How are you?” He asked.

“I feel horrible,” I sighed.

“Okay, how would you be feeling if you didn’t feel guilty?” He asked.

“Fine,” I sighed. “He didn’t hurt me... “

“Thank fuck,” he sighed. “I swear when he put his hands on you…” his hands tightened into a fist.

I grabbed his hand, lacing my fingers with his, “We never really got to finish our conversation from last night…”

“We should probably do that, huh?” He forced a laugh.

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“So, why did you come here yesterday?” He asked.

“I need to know something,” I told him.

“And what’s that?” He asked.

“I know we’ve only been on one date and everything else has been a bit of a hot mess, but am I just a fling for you? Just someone for right now until you get what you want and then you’re moving on?” I whispered.

My words hang in the air as I wait for his response. The more time that goes by the more I start to worry about what his answer is going to be.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Look, I’m not the settle down type of guy. Not because I don’t want to be, but because my main focus is music, Y/N. I can’t commit to someone when I’m wanting to live a life of traveling the world and being on a stage most nights out of the week.”

My heart sinks down as he speaks, and so does my gaze.

“But,” he whispered, putting his hand under my chin, causing me to look up at him. “I’ve never felt whatever the fuck I’m feeling with you. I don’t know what this is or where this is gonna go, but I sure as hell want to find out.”

**

Harry and I chatted for the next half hour before eventually cuddling together on his bed. Both of us were laid back, his arms around me, and my head on his chest. Occasionally, I felt his lips graze the top of my head and I couldn’t help, but smile. I glanced over at the clock on his bedside table and sighed.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, rubbing his hand along my back.

“I should probably head back,” I told him. “My sister… She's supposed to talk to our parents about the William situation. I’m not sure how they’re going to take it, so I should probably be there to face the music.”

Harry nodded before the two of you sat up, “Speaking of music,” he said. “Instead of rehearsal tonight, would you want..would you want to maybe have a writing session with me?

“You want me to write with you?” I asked. “But I thought you’re the only one to write songs for the band.”

“I am, I mean, I have been,” he said. “But obviously… I’m doing something wrong. No one likes these new songs and I just… I need our set to be amazing. To stick out.”

“I get it,” I nodded. “And I’ll do it. Meet up here?”

“Yeah, then we can walk down to my favorite spot, it’s private so no one should bother us,” he said.

“Should I inform someone of my whereabouts in case you try to kill me?” I joked.

“Now, where’s the fun in that love,” he smirked.

I rolled my eyes, getting off the bed and walking towards the door.

“I’m really glad you’re okay,” I told him.

“And I’m happy that dick didn’t hurt you,” he said pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

I smiled a bit, a blush rising to my face, “I’ll see you tonight then?”

“I better,” he smiled, pressing a soft kiss against my cheek.

**

When I made it back to the hotel, I wasn’t sure what I would be walking into. I also didn’t know if they would still be in the dining area or back in the hotel. Surely, if the conversation got too heated, my parents would suggest for them to all head back to the room. They probably wondered where I was and I wasn’t the one telling them about the situation. Hopefully, Marianne told them I needed some time to think and went for a walk on the beach.

Which wasn’t exactly a lie.

Once I was inside the hotel, my stomach started doing weird things like jumping around. I was nervous, not only for the conversation with my parents, but also at the possibility of running into William. I did not want to face him anytime soon because I don’t know how I would react around him. He went too fucking far this time and I didn’t plan on holding back anymore.

I briefly glanced around the dining area to see if my family was still in there, no one was sitting at our table, but the dishes had yet to be cleared off, so I’m sure they just left. I didn’t know if this was a good sign or not, but I headed up to our room anyway. Once I got to our floor, I didn’t hear any sort of shouting, so far so good, I thought.

But looks or in this case, hearing, could be deceiving. I poked my head in our room to see if Marianne was in there, but it was empty.

“Shit,” I muttered.

I sighed, closing the door and went to the room next to our’s that belonged to our parents. I didn’t have to bother knocking because the door was unlocked. It only took a simple twist and push before I opened it up. The three of them sat in the living area of my parent’s suite and they all looked up the moment I walked in.

“Y/N,” my father breathed out. “Come in.”

My mother’s gaze was on the floor as I walked over. I glanced over in Marianne's direction, hoping to get a little input on what to expect, but she was giving me her best poker face.  

“Your sister shared some things with us this morning,” he said, quietly. “And we would like to hear from you, what exactly happened with William.”

I sighed, sitting down, “William has always been… not the best since we started spending time with him. He’s acted arrogant and rude towards most everyone he comes across. There were times he suggested we go somewhere private, I refused. Anytime I told him I didn’t want to pursue anything with him, he threatened to tell his father whatever he thought would make him upset and potentially fire you. At first, I believed him, and kept trying to be nice, but eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. Last night, I met up with him for a party and told him I didn’t want anything to do with him. He seemed aggravated, but got over it, so I thought. He ended up following me home, where he ran into me walking with one of the hotel employees, Harry. He was uh, walking me back to the hotel, when William saw us, he got mad. Threatened to get Harry fired and you, William called me some names and pushed me down and got into a fight with Harry after he defended me,” I blurted out.

I definitely didn’t mean to name drop Harry or that I was with him, not yet at least, but once I started telling the story it just came out.

“I’m so sorry, you felt pressured to spend time with him,” My father said. “You don’t have to worry about that anymore. William left this morning with some friends for a change of scenery.”

“How do you-” I started.

“My boss told me,” my father answered. “He noticed William when he came home last night. Of course, William tried to tell him a lie about what happened, but his father didn’t believe him.”

“Wow,” I whispered.

“This isn’t the first time William has had issues like this,” he started. “Every summer he acts like his the owner of the hotel and gets in fights because of his actions. I wish I had known that before I introduced the two of you.”

“It’s okay,” I told him. “You didn’t know and besides, he didn’t hurt me, not really. Just more of an annoyance and a bit angry.”

“Well, on the bright side, there’s only a few weeks left in the summer before you’re off to University and you can put this all behind you,” he said walking over and hugging you. “Now, I need to get on to work, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I-uh… yeah,” I nodded.

“Great, I’ll see everyone later,” he said, before grabbing his hat and leaving the room.

My mother gave me a small smile, I noticed she didn’t say anything the entire conversation. I thought about asking her something, but she got up from her chair and walked into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

“What’s wrong with her?” I asked.

“I think she blames herself,” Marianne stated. “She pushed William on to you, to us, more than Daddy did.”

“I don’t blame her though,” I told her.

“She’ll figure it out eventually,” she said. “She has to process what happened.”

“I think we all do,” I whispered.

Marianne shrugs before leaving to go back to our room. I sighed, getting up and heading out to the balcony of my parent’s room. It was bigger than ours, which makes sense given the size of their room compared to ours. The wind had picked up and so had the sound of the waves below. Seagulls flew by every so often, ready to drop down to get food from the unexpecting beachgoers.

I ran my hands through my hair, sighing with relief now that the William situation seemed to be over, but there was still something looming above my head. Something I’m going to have to tell my parents sooner rather than later, but knowing how deadset my father was about me going to college, that conversation was going to be a lot harder to have.

Which is why I’m going to put it off until I can’t put it off any more, when we snag that record deal.

[spidernerdsblog]

I Forgot That You Existed : Chapter Seven

A/N: Chapter seven is here. An emotional roller coaster this took me some time. Hope you like this chapter. Feedback and suggestions are always welcome.

Pairing : Tom Holland × Singer reader 

Summary : It's been more than five years since you and Tom have gone their own ways after a heartbreaking breakup which had left both of you shattered. Both of you thought that you were finally over with each other and were happy in your respective lives until you meet again at a reunion trip planned by your best friend and you realize you are still not done with each other.

Warnings : pregnancy, miscarriage, angst, molestation.

Mini Playlist : look what you made me do by taylor swift.

And the cat was out of the bag. All these years you have been hiding from the world and Tom that you had conceived. That you were pregnant with his child. Nobody knew about this except your parents, Zendaya, Harrison and Alex. The whole incident had mentally affected you very badly that you went into depression which luckily you were able to recover with the support of your family and friends.

Tom stood there frozen. Your words hit him like a rock. His face was blank, eyes wide in bewilderment.

You looked around to see everyone in a state of shock. You fought back your tears as you ran inside the house rubbing your eyes, shutting the door you collapsed on the floor wailing.  

“Y/N!!” Zendaya and Harrison called out to you.

“Seriously Tom you are such a jerk.” Zendaya spat turning towards Tom then running inside to your aid. Chloe followed her.

Tom felt weak; he felt his legs would give away any minute. Harrison came up to him and put his hand on his shoulder.

“Did you know?” Tom asked weakly

“Tom listen we didn’t think that you will get to know this in such a circumstance” Harrison spoke trying to calm him down

“Don’t bullshit me Harrison!! Did you know about this?!” Tom demanded

“Yeah mate.”

“Why didn't you say anything to me?” Tom was fighting back his tears.

“I tried to tell you but you never listened. And after she lost the baby she made me promise to not tell anyone about this.”

Zendaya and Chloe kept knocking on your door.

“Y/N!! open up dear”

“It's only us Y/N don't do this to yourself.”

The door unlocked as you emerged from behind the door, your face all red, eyes puffy, tears trickling down your cheeks. Zendaya and Chloe got inside and hugged you, tears shimmered in your eyes. They made you sit on the bed and drink a glass of water.

“It's gonna be okay darling” Zendaya rubbed your back comforting you.

“I messed up everything Z” you sniffled

“No Y/N it was not your fault Tom pushed you. You were always trying to avoid any kind of conflict.” Chloe said

“And this thing had to come out some or the other day maybe this was the best time.” Zendaya said.

Six years ago you left London with a broken heart. It wasn’t easy for you to leave behind the person whom you loved with all your heart but little did you know that you were carrying a piece of him with you. After a month in NY your health went terrible; frequent mood swings, morning sickness and nausea was common. You first thought maybe the change of environment is taking a toll on you but when you missed your period you decided to see a gynaecologist. Though you were sure that you used protection the last time you and Tom had sex but you were not on birth control so you couldn't rule out the chances. And there you were one fine morning in the doctor’s chamber

“Hello Miss Y/L/N”

“Hello Dr Ivy”

“I have good news for you. Congratulations you are pregnant.” And your worst fear came true. You gave a tight lipped smile.

“Are you sure?” You asked. The doctor looked at you sceptically

“No I mean is it even possible? Because we used protection” you explained.

“Yes dear, your test reports came positive. And condoms are actually 98% effective sometimes it just happens due to many reasons like if it’s not worn properly or breaking of the material etc. I know you are young and it’s hard for you to make a decision of keeping the baby or not but that’s okay talk to your partner, it isn’t that late you are just six weeks into your pregnancy.”

“Thank you doctor” you gave a smile.

You didn't know what to do, you were just 21 and the whole pregnancy thing was freaking you out. The first person that came in your mind was Tom though you least expected that he would answer still there was a little bit of hope left in you. You tried to contact him but it was in vain. So you called your parents and Harrison to tell the news.

Your parents flew to NY in the earliest flight they could get.

“Honey did you tell Tom?” your mom asked

“He isn't answering me.”

“So have you decided what you’re going to do?” your dad asked

“I don’t know. I’m confused.”

“Jellybean you are too young for this you have a life and a career ahead. You can't nurture a baby and craft your career simultaneously.” Your dad tried to make you understand.

“We think you should go for an abortion.” your mom suggested

“But mom this is our baby. This is the only thing of Tom I have with me, I can’t do this to our baby.” You protested

“I know dear how much you love him, but are you sure he wants to be the father of this child? That is why take your time. It's not that late whatever you decide we are with you.”

Harrison came to visit you a week later. He lied to everyone back at home that he is going for some audition for a role. You were sitting on the couch head leaning on his shoulder. Harrison’s arm was wrapped around your shoulder.

“What are you gonna do Y/N?”

“I want to keep it Haz. This baby is all I have got of him.” You looked up to him.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I just want to know what Tom thinks about having a baby, ask him somehow, don't make it obvious though.”

“Okay”

Harrison called Tom as he put the phone on speaker for you to hear.

“Hey man what's up?”

“Yeah I'm good. How did the audition go?”

“Yeah it went pretty well”

“Nice”

“Umm Tom Y/N has been trying to talk to you why aren't you answering her?”

“Because I don't want to.”

“It can be something important.”

“What important things does she have to say after all this? That she’s so happy right now living her dream”

“I don't know but what if she's you know got pregnant. You guys were at it like rabbits before you guys broke up.” He forcefully chuckled.

“Whoa!! Dude, stop imagining such things. I'm not ready to have kids yet I have a bright career can't ruin that. And even if she's pregnant, I don't care.”

“ Okay Haz I have got some work to do, will talk to you later”

“Yeah mate will talk to you later” Harrison ended the call.

“Y/N?” Harrison said softly

“It's okay Haz I got my answer." You placed your hand on your stomach "This baby is mine, only mine. It doesn't need a father. I'll give all the love it deserves.” You sobbed. Harrison hugged you tight.

“It’s gonna be okay, we are all with you” he kissed your forehead comfortingly.

“Haz you have to promise me one thing in no means you are going to tell about this to anyone not even to Nikki. Promise this to me Harrison ”

“But Y/N is it right to hide from them about their grandchild. They would be thrilled to know about it. And maybe you and Tom can reconcile your differences.”

“Harrison you heard him say it clearly he doesn’t want to be a father. I know he will eventually agree if Nikki and Dom spoke to him. But I don’t want to force him into anything and act as a burden. And I don’t want anybody to pity me or my baby.”

“Okay as you wish” he sighed.

Your parents decided to stay with you until your due date. They couldn't leave you alone to deal with this whole pregnancy.

You finally started to adapt to the changes your body was going through. Your days were spent by writing songs and recording voice memos. Alex handled each and everything for you. You were in your third month now though there was no prominent bump visible. You had made a daily routine to caress your growing belly and talk to the little human growing inside you.

“Don't worry baby, mommy will always be there for you, she will never let any harm come to you. She will love you with everything she has.” You cooed

“Your daddy though he is not with us, he would have been over the moon to hear about you. He would have loved you so much. Always know your dad is the best.”

“I'm gonna name you Destiny because you are going to change my destiny”

But destiny had other things planned for you. One night you woke up with severe abdominal pain as you sat up to see blood stains on the sheets. You desperately called your parents; you were rushed to the hospital as soon as possible.

“Mr and Mrs Y/L/N?”

“Yes we are her parents doctor how is she? Is everything fine?”

“I'm sorry to say there has been excessive vaginal bleeding. We might not be able to save the baby.”

“Will our daughter be okay?”

“Yeah she'll be fine.”

After the procedure was complete your parents were allowed to meet you. You were sitting on the hospital bed, with a blank stare at your lap.

“Jellybean” your dad called you softly.

“Mom, dad I lost my baby too” you burst into tears seeing them.

“Honey it's gonna be okay. It wasn't your fault.” They hugged you trying to console you as you wailed.

All the boys were sitting in the living room as they quietly listened to Harrison. Tom’s eyes were wet.

“Man she was devastated and you deliberately hurt her. That year on Christmas when she came home I somehow persuaded her to tell you about this but after seeing you with a girl she didn’t want to bother you anymore. So she distanced herself from us to get rid of her pain.”

“Harrison I need to talk to her.” Tom got up and held on to Harrison’s hands.

“Tom calm down. I don't think she's ready to talk to you. It's better you leave her alone for tonight.”

“How can you tell me to calm down when I messed up really bad?! Haz I left her alone when she needed me. I hurt her in every possible way.” Tom was desperate

 Meanwhile your phone buzzed it was none other Nikki facetiming you. Of course Harry must have informed them after your grand revelation. You looked at Zendaya and Chloe with fear in your eyes, your hands were shaking.

“You should take it.” Z said, Chloe nodded her head in affirmation.

You took a deep breath and received the call.

“Hey Nikki how are you?” You tried speaking cheerfully.

“We are fine honey. How are you doing dear?”

“I'm fine too.”

“Don't lie to us honey we know what happened.”

“I'm sorry" your voice broke as fresh tears rolled down your cheeks.

“No dear don't be sorry it wasn't your fault.”

“It was selfish of me to hide from you about your grandchild” you sniffled.

“We totally understand why you did that dear, you were hurt. Our son is an idiot but you could have told us peanut. We never saw you less than our daughter.” Dom said.

“I didn't want to bother Tom with the responsibility he didn't want so I had decided until the baby comes nobody has to know.” You sobbed

“We are sorry on behalf of our son we can't imagine what you have gone through dear.”

“Zendaya, Chloe please take care of her and get her some rest.” Nikki requested.

“Yeah sure Nikki.”

Zendaya and Chloe stayed with you for the night. Next morning as you came down the stairs you saw all the boys were waiting for you though Tom and El were missing.

“How are you?” Harrison asked as he hugged you.

“I’m good”

“Hey Y/N we are really sorry on behalf of Tom” Harry apologized

“It’s okay Harry I’m fine” you all came in for a giant hug.

Today Harrison dropped you at the rehearsal ground.

“I’ll come to take you by noon okay” he said while leaving

“Yeah okay bye”

Steve was nowhere to be seen around today. After the nasty fight you two had you had assumed this before only that he might not be interested in you anymore. You discussed with the musicians and chorus singers about the whole order you will sing your songs before starting the practise session.

It was around noon Harrison was about to get in the car to go and pick you up but Tom stopped him.

“Harrison, can I go to pick her up? I really need to talk to her alone” Tom almost begged

“Yeah, sure mate. Try your best.” He handed him the car keys. During the whole drive Tom rehearsed to himself of what he is going to say to you.

“Okay guys let's take it from the top for the one last time then we will wrap it up for today.” You directed. You turned around to see the face you were least interested to see at this moment not after what happened yesterday, your mood went off. Tom was standing in front of the stage, his hands in his pockets, eyebrows furrowed, sadness clouded his features  You could tell he was nervous.

 I don't like your little games

Don't like your tilted stage

The role you made me play

Of the fool, no, I don't like you

You gritted your teeth while singing.

I don't like your perfect crime

How you laugh when you lie

You said the gun was mine

Isn't cool, no, I don't like you (oh!)

You sang anger evident in your voice as you stared directly in his eyes.

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time

Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time

I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Tom could understand by the tone of your voice that you were mad at seeing him.

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do

I don't like your kingdom keys

They once belonged to me

You ask me for a place to sleep

Locked me out and threw a feast (what!?)

If words could slap a person this song of yours was perfect to do the job.

The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama

But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma

And then the world moves on, but one thing's for sure (sure)

Maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours

Emphasizing on your words you gave a cold glare as your grip on the microphone tightened.

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time (nick of time)

Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time (I do it all the time)

I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

You moved around the stage practicing your little dance moves.

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams

You continued singing.

“Okay guys well done, let's wrap it up for today.” You packed your stuff and went down the stage. Tom walked up to you.

“I thought Haz was coming to pick me up.”

“He had some other things to do.”

You hummed as you quietly went and sat on the passenger seat. Tom drove the car as you looked outside the window. Tom broke the silence

“Y/N I'm..” You cut him off

“Listen Tom if you are going to gloat about last night please don't I'm in no mood for it. Just take me back home. I'm tired.”

After sometime Tom stopped the car at a place. You recognised the place it was near the cliff.

“Why did we stop?”

“Y/N can we talk? Please.”  He begged

"No I don't want to talk" you said sternly

Tom got out of the car and went to your side to open the door. You looked straight crossing your arms.

"Y/N for God's sake please talk to me" Tom pleaded. You looked at him annoyed.

“You don’t wanna go? Fine! I can walk myself home anyways it's around 10 mins from here” you grabbed your bag and got out of the car. Tom quickly went and stood in front of you blocking your path.

“Tom move let me go”

“No I'm not letting you go until you talk to me”

“There's nothing more to talk about. And I guess Harrison has told you everything.”

“No, I just want to listen to everything from you.”

“What more do you want to hear Tom?”

“We had sex, I wasn't on birth control, condoms are 98% effective and we were the 2% unlucky people so I got pregnant, I tried to reach out to you but you wouldn't answer so I decided to raise my baby myself but I lost my baby.”

“Y/N.. we lost the baby.” Tom corrected you.

“We?? Tom you literally just gave a sperm and after so many years there's no need to acknowledge your paternity as the baby never got to see the daylight. Besides you didn't even want to be a father.”

“Y/N I was angry I didn't actually mean that, I would never do that to you. I would have loved to be a dad to your baby, our baby. That is the life I had always dreamt for us. You, me and our little family.”

“You should be happy right now because whatever you said turned out to be true I really ended up alone, all alone.” You said.

“No you are misunderstanding me Y/N.”

“It's okay Tom that ship has sailed and drowned a long time ago. I finally feel relieved that you got to know about our unborn child.”

“Please Y/N, please give me a chance I will make things right.”

“There's nothing you can do now Tom so just try to get over it as I did.”

“Yes I can, we can start over, just you and me. I'll leave El, call off the wedding.”

“Tom! Do you even know what you are saying?” your eyes went wide.

“Yes you hurt me but I am not going to let you hurt El. At least I don't want to be the reason she gets hurt. She's such a nice girl who's always by your side no matter what, she loves you blindly. And you said you loved her too. She doesn't deserve this.”

“No Y/N it was always you, it has always been you.”

“It’s your guilt that is speaking Tom, you and I know very well that we can never be together, not in this lifetime at least.” Tom hung his head defeated.

“I have no grudges against you Tom. I forgave you a long time ago.”

Tom didn’t say anything more as you both silently got up in the car. El saw you both together as you entered the house. You went to your respective rooms. You laid down on the bed closing your eyes, your legs dangling on the edge as you heard El and Tom arguing. You sat up as you heard El yelling.

“Really Tom?! After everything that happened last night you want me to believe that there is nothing going on between you two.”

“Why don't you admit that your old feelings have resurfaced again? Now even more after knowing that she was carrying your child.”

You felt bad that they were fighting because of you. You couldn't resist yourself so you went to their room. You knocked before entering their room.

“Sorry to interrupt I know it's your personal matter but El I want to assure you there is nothing going on between us.”

“Oh Y/N can you please stop acting now? I really thought you were a good person but guess what you turned out to be a two faced bitch. I should have known that day only when I saw you both dancing so intimately, I let it go thinking you were best friends so it's okay but the night after he returned from the carnival I felt you, your fragrance lingering all over him, I still didn’t want to believe it but yesterday you both cleared my doubts. How far have you two gone by the way? Did you guys fuck? Planning another baby?” El ranted.

“El you can't talk to her like that.” Tom protested.

“Oh yeah now it hurts you. Tom, you were the one who was being literally rude to her all this time. What caused the change of mind? Is it because she was going to be your child's mother or long lost desire for each other?”

You swallowed each and every accusation El gave you thinking you deserved it. If it were somebody else you would have hit the person on the face by now because no one has the right to talk about you or your unborn baby like this. Your eyes were filled with tears. You mustered all courage as you spoke.

“El I just want to say I'm sorry. Please try to bear with me for the next few days. I promise you that I will be gone for good from your lives this time. You will never have to see me again in your life.”

You left the room wiping your tears.

“Seriously El how can you be so insensitive towards her?! She has already gone through a lot for me; don't add up to her miseries.” Tom turned around to leave.

“Where are you going now?”

“To say sorry to her for what you did.”

“I'm going for a drink in the nearby pub.” You said to Zendaya as you came down the stairs.

“I can come with you” she offered

“No it’s fine I’ll take a cab” You left hurriedly

“Hey where is Y/N?” Tom ran down the stairs panting.

“She went to the pub. Why?” Zendaya informed confusion in her eyes.

“Uh El blasted off at her and she went away all upset. I need to apologise to her.”

“Seriously you guys are keeping us on our toes. Can we have a normal day where nobody is crying or fighting?!” Harry scoffed.

Tom took the car keys and ran out to go to the pub. You were sitting in a secluded booth at the corner of the pub sipping on your drink looking out the window.

“Hey Y/N” you turned your gaze to find Steve.

“Oh hi Steve”

“May I sit?”

“Yeah sure”

He slid into the booth beside you.

“Didn't see you during the rehearsal.”

“I was a little tired today.” He ordered his drink shifting himself a little more closer to you.

“So how are you?” He placed his hand on your knee, you felt a little uncomfortable but decided to ignore.

“I’m fine” You felt his hand slowly move higher under your dress.You panicked.

“Steve what are you doing?!” you grabbed his hand to stop whatever he was trying to do.

"You know all this while I really thought you were an innocent, good girl type. So I was taking my time with you. But who knew you were such a little slut.” Steve drew his finger through your jawline

“What the hell Steve back off!!” you pushed him hard.

“Oh c’mon darling I know how much of a whore you are” Steve gripped on to your thigh and cornered you to the side of the seat

“How dare you?!!” In no time your hand went on to his cheek giving him a tight slap.

“You bitch! Now I am gonna show you what sluts like you deserve.” he grasped your hand and forcefully pulled you out of the booth.

“Leave my hand you bastard!! leave me!!” you struggled to free yourself.

“Hey hands off her you asshole!!.” Tom growled, you had to admit that you were never this happy to see Tom in your life.

“Oh well, well, look who is here, the lover boy who had knocked you up pretty well." Steve gave a cocky grin.

Tom was raging with anger, he clenched his fists.

“Don't worry dude I'm gonna treat her really good tonight, you know if you wanna join I don't mind at all”

Tom lifted his hand as he punched Steve’s face hitting right at his jaw. Steve fell flat on his face.

“Stay away from her you piece of shit or the next time you wouldn’t be alive to put your dirty hands on any girl” Tom threatened.

You were shivering in fear, pupils dilated as you looked at Steve groaning on the floor. Tom rushed to you. He cupped your face. You looked at him with wide eyes.

“Y/N, are you okay?? I'm here now, don't worry love.” Your vision went blurry.

“Y/N!!!” Tom shrieked.

You fainted in Tom's arms.

...............................................................................

Taglist : To be added send me an ask I’ll be happy to add you in the following chapters.

 @sleepybesson @sophs-library @spideyparkerstark @itstaskeen @milli86 @biebsmylife95 @quaksonhehe @hannahholland1811 @awhollandx @joyleenl @greatpizzascissorstaco @tomhollandsotherpinkytoe @jjandreidsgirl @brighterthanthesunx @marvelpeters @panicattheeverywherekid @onewithnomightypowers @itsnotmeh24  @bitchinwpei @astridcomming @quacksonobrien @prkrholland 

[extremelyblackandwhite]

i wanna know what love is - 15

Pairing: rockstar! sebastian stan x writer!reader

Warnings: none.

A/N: for me the most romantic scene of all time is the pas de deux dance scene seen in the “dance at the gym” scene. west side story is such an important romantic movie for me that i decided to include it. i hyperlinked the pas de deux so you guys can have a good idea of what’s happening. also sebastian has said in an old interview that he did west side story so here we are. 💕💕

Last Chapter // Next Chapter

Sebastian spent the whole night awake, staring at the ceiling and thinking about Mary’s words. He’d always found it hard to argue with Mary, after all she was a graduate Yale Law student and he, well, the only experience he had with the law was when he got pulled over by driving under the influence and even then Mary came to fix it. However, he also knew Mary preferred Y/N over him, so if she was telling him to do something about it, he was supposed to do it. Nevertheless, he couldn’t come up with the courage to do anything and it wasn’t like Melody would leave him easily.

     - You alright, baby? - Melody asked as she got ready to go downstairs for a buffet breakfast. - You look awful, I’ll get you some sleeping pills tonight. 

    - Y/N knows why I’m leaving. - he just said it. Maybe she would see herself out if her blackmail disappeared from her arsenal. - She knows. 

    - Are you taunting me? - she turned on her heel, arms crossed across her chest. He was not taunting her because taunting her normally meant a fight and the amount of sleep he had gotten the two prior days did not gave him enough force to have an argument this early in the morning. - What do you think is gonna happen? You’re gonna go over her room, tell her you like her and she’ll fuck you and play happy couples? Girls like her marry prep school boys, not guys like you. You’re the guy she fucks before she marries a doctor.

     - I think I’m gonna stay in. - he laid against his pillow, ignoring her mumbles as she got ready to go to breakfast. She eventually left, and by the noise he could hear from his bedroom, so did everyone else which meant he had the whole house for himself. 

It wasn’t like he could sleep, not after what his mind had done to him when he felt asleep for a few minutes. Therefore, he decided to lift from the bed and grab his guitar. He’d had the same guitar ever since he signed his first contract, he remembered walking into a music store and picking the guitar he’d wanted to buy since he was a kid. He’d kept it all these years and sometimes would play it. Today was one of those days. 

He sat on the couch by the wall, guitar on his leg as he started to play something. What he didn’t know however was that someone else was at the hotel room and that someone else woke up very annoyed to the song reverberating through the walls. Y/N raised her torso, sleep still in her mind as she heard what she thought was Every Rose has its torn. She groaned, climbing out of bed and getting into her slippers as she made a bee-line to where the noise was coming. Sebastian’s room. Sometimes, she wondered if he lived just to annoy her. 

She was about to burst into his room asking him why he was destroying her beauty sleep but the softness of the guitar and his voice as he sang one of, in Y/N’s opinion, one of the saddest songs in rock. She slightly opened the door to see the scene, his head against the wall and guitar slightly leaning against his torso, eyes closed. She grabbed her phone behind her back, turning her voice memos on so she could get it on record, her head leaning against the door as she finally heard him sing something softly. However, nice things don’t last forever and the song was over pretty soon. 

   - That was lovely. - she said making him jump off his seat, heat shooting to look at the door where she stood. - I didn’t mean to frighten you.

  - Aren’t you supposed to be at breakfast? - he asked, trying not to sound rude. It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy her company, he did, but not when he could still envision her face in his dreams. 

  - I’m not feeling very well. 

  - Everything alright? - he almost bolted off the coach, going to meet her at the door until he realised he was acting stupid. 

  - I just forgot to bring my hot water bottle and I’m having very cramps. - Y/N on the other hand did not know why she was being so comfortable with him. She didn’t know him that well to be telling him her uterus was shedding but here she was. However, what she did not expect was for him to give her an understanding smile, putting his hand in her lower back and accompanying her to the living room. - What are we doing?

  - I’ll get someone to get you a hot water bottle and some room service. Should make it better, right? - he said, a look of complete confusion in his face as he picked up the phone to call room service and the costumer service desk. Y/N couldn’t help it but smile at him. Mary couldn’t be right, he couldn’t have overdosed, she just didn’t see it. He put the phone down, noticing that she was staring at him more than usual. - Mary told me, Y/N. 

 - What did Mary told you? - her heart stopped. She wouldn’t dare tell him that without her express consent. 

 - I know you know why I’m leaving the band. - she felt herself calm down. It wasn’t as bad, I mean could be worse, Mary could’ve told him way personal stuff that she’d want to be locked in. - I can see you wanna ask about it, you’re a terrible pretender. 

 - Do you do drugs? - she asked as he took the spot in the coach next to her. 

 - No, Y/N. I don’t do drugs.

 - Did you ever do drugs? - Sebastian laughed at her questions. She looked so much like a kid, asking something she shouldn’t be asking and he couldn’t help but look at her with a grin. 

 - No, bunny, I never did drugs. - he pointed at the bunny ears headband that she was wearing to keep her hair out of her face. He wanted to point out it looked ridiculous but considering she was in a situation that would make her win every argument, he decided not to. - Do you have any more questions?

 - If you never did drugs and you don’t do drugs, how did you overdose? 

 - I was partying with some guys at the bar, took my eyes off my drink for a minute and they put something in my drink. Next thing, I know I’m awake in the hospital without the loose money I had on me. 

 - Why didn’t you tell the guys? - she wondered out loud, her head laying against the coach. 

 - I want out of this, Y/N. I never asked ... never wanted ... to be this. I wanted people to like and listen to my music, not me. But the limelights and the girls, the drinking ... they change you. I’m tired, Y/N. I destroyed my relationship with my family, with my friends ... I want out. 

 - You don’t destroy relationships with anyone. You just put a pause to it until you’re ready to restart it. - one employee came in holding a cart full of food and the hot water bottle. Sebastian thanked the employee as Y/N cuddled the hot water bottle against her stomach. He immediately left, leaving them alone again.

 - My mother told me not to dare to speak to her after a magazine ran an article about me and my supposed groupies. - he took one of the trays with some pancakes. - My stepfather passed away mad at me and all my step siblings went to ivy leagues and have picture perfect marriages. I didn’t even finish college.

   - Did you try talking to her? - she was soothing to speak with but Sebastian daren’t speak with his mother. She’d made it loud and clear, she didn’t want to speak with him and he’d made peace with it. - She’s your mum, she won’t hate you forever. 

   - Right ... what movie should we watch? - he turned the smart TV in front of them which was almost as big as the wall. The sound of Netflix, changing the subject as he scrolled through the movies. However, her eyes were set on the movie just below what he was looking at, West Side Story. 

    - West Side Story. - she said, an eyebrow raised at him. Y/N didn’t know if he would be into it but he just shrugged, putting the movie on. If there was a movie that made her go back to childhood, it was West Side Story. Whenever the whistle at the beginning of the movie started, it just brought back memories of her and her brother trying to do the dance routines around the living room table with her mother and father following them begging them to stop before someone got hurt.  

Sebastian had also watched the movie quite several times. He enjoyed a classical well written score and West Side Story’s score seemed to talk for itself without the aid of lyrics. 

They quickly reached the dance at the gym scene which was by far Y/N’s favourite scene, mostly because she could do the whole scene. She got up from the couch taking his hands with hers as she took her stance. He found it amusing as he took the same position she was in, moving from side to side with arms at shoulder length. He had to admit it he found it hard keeping up with her as she moved around, fingers snapping yet arms still perfectly up. Sebastian ended up by failing epically making her hit his chest, instead of the side. 

His eyes locked with her, a light flush from the heat of the room settling on his cheeks.

   - You value honesty above all, don’t you Y/N? 

   - In normal conditions, yes. 

  - My truth is that I really want to kiss you.

  - Well, we have a problem then ... - she looked at her feet before raising her head to stare at him. - Because I want to kiss you too. 

[an-angels-blessing]

The End?

Song🐣🎵- Someone Gets Hurt (Reprise)

Artist🤸‍♂️🎤- Barrett Wilbert Weed, Grey Henson

Warnings😳⛔- Angst

Prompt🥺🔥- N/A

~~~~~~~ Y/N P.o.v.~~~~~~~

Shoyo and I have been arguing in the gym for what seems to be an hour. I noticed that the team walked in about 5 minutes ago, not catching the issue at hand. I've known Shoyo my entire life, but he's two years younger than me, despite this... we were inseparable since we became friends. That is until he came to Karasuno, I thought it would be fun. My two best friends at one school, but he met a guy... Tobio Kageyama.

Don't misinterpret me, he is hot... but not my type. Everything went downhill from there, our very first tournament he met the big three. Atsumu Miya, Yuji Terushima, and the HBIC Toru Oikawa. One look at Shoyo's speed and he just had to have him. I convinced him to be friends, because honestly it was an amazing opportunity. Yet, there was one tiny problem. Oikawa and Kageyama dated in middle school, and Toru did not get over him after the break up. So began the battle for Kageyama's heart, many failed math tests, and one Halloween party later.... Oikawa won. ShOckInG. Long story short, Shoyo knocked Oikawa off his perch by stealing his spot to nationals (and revealing that he was cheating. With Iwaizumi). They broke up, and Shoyo finally had his prince.

But, he wasn't the same. He was fake, his smile, his clothes, everything. It finally clicked when I overheard him talking to Terushima about me.

"I SAW YOU SHOYO!! I HEARD YOU!! What happened to us? We were inseparable." I didn't want to scream at him, but he wasn't listening to me. I love him, but if this keeps up.... I don't know how long I can say that. "Y/N, I can’t spend every second with you, It’s not my fault that you’re like in love with me or something" His words took me aback, causing me to take a step back and almost lose my footing. My eyes widened and my mouth hung open, I just couldn't believe what he said. "Oh, no, he didn’t" Suga broke the silence that had fallen over the room, being my best friend, he was the only one who knew what was happening.

"See? That is the thing with you Plastics. You think that everyone is in love with you when actually everyone hates you" I have had enough with Shoyo and his little 'show.' If he doesn't wanna be friends anymore then fine. "You made me like this. It was your idea for me to pretend to be Plastic- '' After 16 years together, the simple sound of his voice seems to annoy me, I couldn't help myself from cutting him off. His naive words made it even worse. "Buddy, it’s not pretend. You’re as plastic as they come'' I could hear Shoyo scoff at my words. "You think your shit doesn't stink. You think the rest of us are dumb." I could hear gasps come from across the gym, I'm not one to cuss, unless I'm pissed... so I guess they finally picked up the memo. "I hate Oikawa’s guts, but here’s what you can’t comprehend. At least he has the guts to not pretend" Time seemed to slow down as the next four words exited my lips. " To be my friend…" I was done shouting with him, it was getting me nowhere... and he made his decision the day he was talking to Terushima.

I guess he could hear the disappointment in my voice, because his tone quickly changed. "Y/N. I…" I could hear my name roll off his tongue in hesitation. "no. it’s fine" The words came out as a whisper only Hinata heard them, but the ones following were loud enough for the rest of the team to hear them. "Really fine." Balling my fists was all I could do to not yell at him again, I could feel the tear weld up in my eyes and yelling would only make them fall faster. "We’ll be fine" I mutter, no one actually able to hear me, I was truly trying to convince myself that it would be fine... and it honestly wasn't working.

"And I want my pink shirt" Suga wanted to back me up, but there wasn't much he could truly do at this point. "Y/N...." I reverted my eyes to the ground as he called out my name. I'm going to cry, but not in front of him. "Here Hinata." My voice is steady and holds a piercing tone, this causes him to flinch slightly. I don't know if it's me calling him by his last name or my tone of voice. Nonetheless, I hand him the perfectly square box and proceed to walk out the gym, refusing to look back as the tears begin to fall. 15 years of friendship destroyed because he fell in love with a boy he just met.

~~~~~~~ Third Person P.o.v.~~~~~~~

The team stood there in shock after what they just encountered. "Open the box. It took her months to get it. Asshole." Sugawara's words were quick and held emotion as he glared at the boy left alone in the center of the gymnasium. Before Daichi could comment on Sugawara's language, he took off after his best friend. Hinata continued to stare at the box in his hands, not moving, until the tallest spoke, his voice laced with venom as well. "So are you gonna open the gift from the girl whose heart you just broke?" All the boys except Hinata glance at Tsukishima, before looking back at the boy holding the box. An awkward silence engulfed the room, no one wanting to speak. The silence was eventually broken, not by someone, but something. Hinata began to open the cube box placed in his arms.

Instead of tearing the paper, as he would with every Christmas and birthday girl she gave him before, pulled on the ribbon releasing the beautiful bow Angel had tied on top. Before carefully peeling back the wrapping paper, knowing that this is the last gift he will ever receive from her. She always knew what he liked, and her gifts were always perfect. As he finished peeling back the corners, all that was showing was the cardboard box she had wrapped. Before he could open the box, Hinata kneeled on the ground, placing the box square in front of him. As the boy stared at the box, memories from the past 16 years flashed in front of his eyes, tears threatening to fall but never actually reaching the breaking point.

The 1st year dragged his nail against the thin lining of tape, cutting straight through without hesitation. As he pulled back the flaps, he was met with a thin sheet of foam that seemed to cover glass. As he moved the foam, the gift was finally registered in his brain. The young boy fell to his butt, as the dame finally broke, sending waves of tears. The rest of the team simply stared, concerned as to what could cause that reaction in the normally excitable boy. It took him a minute to regain himself, the tears still falling as he sat back on knees. He carefully removed the glass case from the box, as though if he grabbed it wrong it would shatter. When the team finally got a look at the gift that managed to make Hinata cry, they were to put it simply.... unimpressed. To them it was volleyball in a glass case, nothing seemed special. Until he turned it around, revealing the words scribbled on the ball. 'Congrats Shoyo, can't wait to see you on the court.' And next to that was a simple signature, 'The Tiny Giant.'

Angel managed to get his favorite volleyball player, the whole reason he is playing, to sign a ball for him. He didn't want to put down the newly opened gift, but he caught one last thing in the box. He softly placed the case on the floor next to the box before reaching back in for the tiny folded piece of paper. As he opened the note, he recognized Y/N's handwriting and began to read.

"Hey Shoyo, so it's our 16th anniversary of our friendship and I wanted to make this one special since you're in high school now. After months of research, I managed to find The Tiny Giant, or Tenma Udai. Turns out he's my uncle on my dad's side, crazy right? Anyway, he still plays despite no longer being on a team, soo..... I managed to get him to play a game with you guys." As he read the last sentence, he swore he could hear his own heart shatter. "The game is scheduled for next Saturday, so better get prepared.... cause he's still got it. But in all seriousness, you guys deserve some fun after that tournament the other day, especially you. We've been friends since I was 2 and I don't remember most of it, but the connections we share was enough to prove a point. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, I love you Hinata Shoyo." As he finished the note, he placed it atop the glass case, not wanting his new tears to fall on the last piece of their friendship. "I fucked up" His words were few and low, yet the entire gym managed to hear him.

No one spoke, but as per usual, Tsukishima broke the silence. "You just came to that conclusion dipshit?" Tsukki was known to be rude and salty, but his words were laced with a thick poison aimed straight at Hinata. Yet again, before Daichi can comment Tsukki walks away, Yamaguchi provides a quick wave before walking away as well. Yet again, the room was surrounded by silence, while the subtle noise of Hinata was still crying. Because after 16 year, he finally noticed she was his everything. The reason he continued playing, his heart, his best friend.... his soul mate. And he just lost her.

Masterlist

[bangtan-madi]

546 Days Without You — Two: Negative 40

Pairing — Seokjin x Reader

Tags — boyfriend!Seokjin, older brother!Yoongi, producer/songwriter!MC, military au (ish), idol au (ish)

Genre — fluff, angst

Word Count — 3.6k

Summary — Kim Seokjin is your entire world, and that world falls apart the moment he and your older brother Yoongi are conscripted into the South Korean military.

Part — 2 / 15

Warnings — short panic attack, enlistment

Previous — Next

You wake with a startle, your phone going absolutely berserk at your side. At first, you ignore the constant buzzing and pinging. The first light of morning is only just starting to stream through the bedroom curtains, past the blanket fort that Seokjin built the day before, and over the sleeping figure of the man still curled up to you. Work is calling, even at six-thirty in the morning, but you elect to ignore it for just a bit longer. Looking down at Seokjin—hilariously endearing with his messy, bedhead hair and sleepy, pursed lips—you can't hide the smile as he continues to slumber, oblivious to the world.

Work can definitely wait a little while longer.

Another fifteen minutes pass before you hear a ringtone unlike the others. Your closest friend's song, "Promise," starts playing, beginning at the second chorus. That's not a call you'd get for no reason, so you blindly reach for your phone and swipe to answer.

"Chim?" is all you can manage, your voice raspy and thick from sleep.

"[Y/n], you've been ignoring all our texts!" Jimin exclaims, and his loud voice causes you to pull the phone away from your ear and Seokjin to stir against you.

"I've been sleeping, Jimin. What did you need? What's going on?"

Jimin's voice is quieter this time. "You really should look at what everyone's already sent you. I texted you, your brother has, the lawyers...basically everyone."

The last group he mentions causes you to awaken fully. Your eyes open, and you shift away from Seokjin just long enough to sit up. "Why would the law department text me?"

"Look at your texts. Please, Aein. They'll explain better than I can."

You remain on the call with Jimin as you scroll through your text messages. Over the last half-hour, your notifications have exploded. Texts, voice memos, news alerts, emails, just about every source of information you could get has come in at once. And all of it revolves around the news article that catches your eye before anything else.

"Minister of National Defense Jeong Kyeong-doo announces that no exemptions will be given to Kim Seokjin or any other member of BTS."

Flipping to another article in a hurry, you read a different summary.

"South Korea's Ministry of National Defense finds no ground in arguments against conscription as made by Big Hit Entertainment lawyers."

And another.

"The Final Verdict: All Members of South Korean Boyband BTS Must Service in the Military."

Your breath catches in your throat, and a whimper escapes as you sit in shock of it all.

You'd failed. Everything you tried, all the work and time you put into trying to find a way around this disaster, it's all for nothing. Seokjin will still have to serve. Yoongi will still have to serve. All the other members will have to serve.

And you feel like your heart is breaking.

"[Y/n]? Are you still there?"

"Where is everyone," you murmur, your voice lifeless and hoarse.

"Taehyung and I are on our way to HQ right now. I think your brother was already there recording when the news broke. I'm not sure where Hoseok or Jungkook are; they weren't at the dorms when we woke up. I think Namjoon was with Yoongi. I'm still trying to track everyone down, but it's a mess."

You push yourself onto your knees, trembling hands pulling yourself from the blanket fort. Seokjin stirs again, eyes fluttering open. He looks at you, eyeing your obvious distress, and sits up immediately.

"We're on our way," you tell Jimin, and you end the call before another word is spoken.

Seokjin slips from the pile of pillows and comforters, his voice soft and deep as he struggles to wake up so quickly. "Jagi? [Y/n], what's wrong? You're so pale...who was that?"

Shakily gripping the edge of the dresser, you turn and look up at him. His brown eyes are full of confusion, worry, and empathy. You open your mouth several times, failing each time to concoct a coherent thought. How can you express that the tiny string of hope you'd been gripping on to has snapped? How can you tell him that you failed?

The longer the silence lasts, the more a sense of realization washes across Seokjin's face. He hasn't heard a word from you yet, but somehow—deep down—he already knows what you would say. Instead of repeating himself, he simply reaches out and pulls you into him, resting his chin on top of your head.

And you let bitter and broken tears fall.

The meeting at Big Hit headquarters goes about as well as you expect. It's a private affair with only Bang PD, the BTS members, the lawyers, and you attending. After finally collecting everyone that needed to be there, a variety of news is given.

All of which can be condensed down to this: No exemption will be given, not to Seokjin nor to any other member of BTS. The Ministry of Defense is afraid of what precedent will be set if they start handing out free passes to idols. None of the arguments won them over. Everyone will still have to serve in the military.

Not only that, but the Ministry of Defense went ahead and served Seokjin with his conscription notice. He has forty days to enlist or face the consequences.

As the meeting starts to wind down, you glance around the room at the gloomy faces of the people you care most about. Your brother Yoongi sits to your left, his light features even paler with the heavy news. On his other side, Jimin and Taehyung look similarly grim. The former reaches for Yoongi's hand, knowing that the gesture usually calms him down, but Yoongi pulls away and tightly clasps both hands in his lap.

On the right side of the table, Hoseok and Jungkook—usually the brightest rays of sunshine in the group—look as if they're about to cry. Namjoon sits next to Seokjin, his jaw firmly set and his eyes staring intently at the table. To your direct right, Seokjin has his hand on your bouncing knee. Though he appears calm on the surface, you can tell by the way he keeps quiet that none of this is sitting well with him.

"I wish there was more we could do," Kang Eunji, one of the lawyers, states quietly after giving her briefing on the situation. "I genuinely don't see a way out of this, boys, and you know I would fight for it if I saw even a shred of evidence that we could win this. I just...I think we've given it the best we can."

"And now it's time to serve," Seokjin concludes.

Bang PD, looking equally as bothered as the rest of the group, places his hand on the conscription notice in front of him. "Now there's just the matter of when...and who."

"Who?" you inquire.

Bang PD nods once. "Seokjin isn't the only one with military service in the near future." He glances to your left, to Yoongi. "You want to tell everyone what you told me this morning, Yoongi?"

With widened eyes, you turn to your brother. He doesn't look up from his hands, keeping his voice calm and low as he states, "I think it might be best if I enlist at the same time as Seokjin."

Your body moves on its own accord, shoving you out of your chair and away from the conference table. Not bothering to look back at the group, you know whose footsteps are following after you.

You make it halfway to the recording studio, mid-way down the window-lined corridor, before Seokjin catches up to you. He grasps your sleeve and tries to get you to stop.

"Jagiya, please, just wait for a second—"

"—Let me go, Seokjin," you growl, pulling your sleeve from his grasp. 

Seokjin does the opposite of what you ask. He moves ahead of you and blocks your path to the recording studio. "Not going to happen."

Glaring up at him, you attempt to shove him out of the way. Being as strong as he is, it's easy for him to grasp both your arms, pin them to your sides, and push you against the window so you're forced to stop moving.

"Stop moving," he orders as you continue to squirm. "God, you're too much like your brother. Stop fighting for once, [Y/n]!"

"What, like you?" 

The words come out sharp and much louder than you intended. You're lucky that no one else is in the hallway, but this isn't a spat that can be summed up to two friends having a disagreement. Anyone seeing this would know this is between lovers.

"You're giving up," you add, high-strung emotions slipping into your voice. "Both of you are! Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm tired," he breathes with immense honesty. "Both of us are. I am tired of fighting my duty as a citizen. I don't have a right to get out of enlisting, just like ninety-nine percent of men in this country. I shouldn't be able to buy my way out with money and fame. I feel guilty at every single meeting with the lawyers...and after all the inquisition this past year...[Y/n], I'm just done. I've accepted it, and I'm ready to do my service."

"Well, I'm not, and I haven't." Something inside you snaps at his confession. "I'm not ready to give up yet, Seokin."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but this is my choice, Jagi. Conscription is a duty, one that I'm happy to do."

"That's a lie. You're scared out of your mind."

"I can be both. My dad was, my older brother was, every man I've talked to was. But they all agree that it's an honor to serve. It's time I stop fighting this. My birthday is less than six weeks away. I need to stop fighting and start preparing." There's a pause before he goes on. "I've already talked about it with Bang PD and the boys. It took a while, but they eventually agreed with me. If we were given the red light for exemption, for good, this was the next step. Acceptance."

"And when was this?" you ask, finally able to break away from his grasp. This time, he lets you go because you aren't intent on running away. "So I'm the last to know? Really?"

"I wanted to be absolutely sure it was the right decision," he admits with sad eyes. "I know you had a friend that passed away while serving. I didn't want to—"

"—To, what? Scare me? A little late for that." You feel your heart beating a million miles an hour, and your hands tremble against your sides. "It's only October, Jinnie. We can still fight for this. You can't—I won't let you give up on me yet. Not when we still have time."

A certain sad determination settles on Seokjin's face as his eyes shift up to meet yours. He reaches out, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear with incredible tenderness. "I'm not going to leave you, [Y/n]. Not permanently, not in any way more difficult than our early tours. Remember those days, where we were all gone for six, seven months at a time? Those were hard and we made it, and that was way before even Band PD knew about us. I remember Wings being especially hard, but we made it."

"But I flew out to meet you all the time," you retort, voice quivering as you try to remain strong. "And we had Facetime and texting and tour was three times shorter than conscription! In the military, there will be none of that. You won't have me or the boys or Bang PD, and you know how they treat trainees in boot camp, right? You know what their methods are, don't you?"

"I don't have a damn choice, [Y/n]!" Seokjin's voice raises a bit, and he instantly regrets it. The two of you barely ever fight this bad, let alone raise your voices at each other, but this time nothing is going the way it should. 

There's a pause before you retort, "If you give up, there's no way they'll consider giving an exception to the others. Do you really think Jimin or Jungkook have the constitution for the military? Or Taehyung? They're all so young, and Joon acts tough, but he's as big a softie as anyone. The same goes for my brother; he's a creative genius, not a soldier! And god, I don't wanna even think about what will happen to Hobi's sunshine."

Seokjin bites the inside of his cheek at your words, and you can tell you've hit a nerve. "We've tried. All of us have tried out hardest...but we failed. It's time to accept it and move on. I'm ready to serve, and when it's time, I know the other members will be, too. And I need you to support me in that decision. Yoongi and I both need that, more than anything right now."

You push away from Seokjin, putting some distance between you. You need room to breathe; air is coming into your lungs, but you feel your head spinning from lack of oxygen. You know this feeling, this panic and anxiety, but there's nothing you can do to stop it. No amount of coping will help.

Your worst nightmare is coming true. Seokjin. Yoongi. Both are going to leave you, and there's always a risk of them not coming back.

"Jagi—"

"—N-No, need...space. Please."

Clutching your hands to your chest, you close your eyes and try to focus on breathing. Seokjin's voice tells you to do the same. He's seen you have panic attacks in the past, but this is the worst one you've had in a while.

"I'm not going to leave you." He repeats words like these over and over until you're calm enough to feel your emotions again. Besides anxiety, there's fear and guilt and sadness.

The anxiety subsides and the sadness becomes chief. You let yourself be pulled back into him, feeling him wiping your tears away before you realize they're falling. Seokjin has always been your security blanket. Even from day one, back when you were antagonistic towards each other, there was always something about him that made you want to curl up in his protective embrace. You've always felt safe with him.

But now you feel like your safety is being stripped away.

"We knew this was coming," he mumbles, feeling your tears start to subside. Now you're cradled up to him, not wanting to feel anything at all. "This isn't a surprise. You've done more than anyone to get me a chance at exemption. You met with the law department more than even Band PD. You had ideas that even the lawyers hadn't thought of. You fought for me, for all of us, and I love you for that. But now I think we all see that they're not going to give us that exception. I'm the first because I'm the oldest, but eventually, we're all going to have to do our part at some point."

"The next is my brother," you murmur. 

"And it's better to have several go at a time than one at a time, otherwise it'll be nearly seven years before everyone's back. Do you want to wait another seven years, Jagi? 'Cause I know I don't."

You shake your head, letting it fall against his shoulder. "I hate this."

"I know. Not my favorite way to spend a birthday, either." Seokjin takes a deep breath, then puts a few inches between you. "But you know who's handling it worse than everyone? Yoongi. He's really letting this get to him. I think you should talk to him."

You open your mouth to protest, but Seokjin shakes his head.

"I'm not leaving. I'll be here when you get back."

The door to Genius Lab is locked. A huff slips from your lips as you lean your forehead against the door.

"Yoongi, let me in." No response, so you ring the bell. "C'mon, you can't stay locked up in here for—"

Suddenly, the door opens. On the other side, Yoongi stands with headphones draped around his neck. "Sorry, I was editing and couldn't hear you." He points to the label beside the doorbell. “It’s why I made that.”

I’m working, please press the doorbell.

“And you still insist on trying the doorknob first.”

After he lets you inside, you plop down on the charcoal grey sofa that faces his studio setup. An electric piano to the left, a monitor setup to the right, and his main set up on the far wall, it's a place you've seen many times. You helped him put it together all those years ago, helped him move in all the tech and various basketball paraphernalia.

"How are you?" you ask, playing with the edges of the throw pillow as a distraction.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Yoongi settles into his studio chair, the one with his "SUGA '93" jersey draped on the back. He spins the chair so he can face you, crossing his arms and giving an irreverent sigh. "You think I'm an idiot."

"I do."

"And you think I'm leaving you."

"You are."

"And you see me as a coward."

"No. Not that. Never that."

Your brother's dark eyes shift up to yours. "Your voice says otherwise. You get this tremble in your vocals when you're trying to hold back. You're a Min, just like me. I can read you like a book, so go ahead. Let me have it. I can take it."

Tossing the pillow side, you push yourself off the sofa and stand in front of Yoongi. Fists clenched at your sides, you take an angry breath before meeting his gaze.

"Fine. You want the truth? I think you're both crazy. You and Seokjin. I know things look bad, but you're both just...giving up! You especially. You have until March next year, Yoongi. You still have nearly five months. Why now? Why the sudden one-eighty?"

Yoongi attempts to reach for your hand, but you pull it back. He settles back in the chair, clenching his jaw before he responds, "We've had a while to think about it. The entire Map of the Soul tour, actually."

"I was there with you, and you both seemed fine."

"You were there some of the time, not all. Look, it's not easy for me either, but if this is where the future is going, if we are going to have to serve, we thought it was best to do it in pairs. That way we can at least get it over with quicker."

That you remember. Seokjin had said as much. That's the only part that makes even a little bit of sense to you.

"Do you realize the impact this will have on the other members' futures?" you ask. "If you and Seokjin take their decision and don't fight it, you're setting a precedent for BTS. If you both cave, then the others have no chance of getting an exemption."

"They've already closed that door, you heard as much, and this isn't about them. This is about Seokjin and me and what our decisions are. Can you just...hear me out?"

Despite not liking where the conversation is going, you nod affirmatively. That's something that you and your brother have struggled with ever since you were young. Most of your arguments ended in a stalemate with neither of you speaking to the other. It took a lot of effort and time to get you to where you are now, where you can sit with the other and talk through your disagreements.

You owe him that, at least.

"Seokjin and I talked about it a lot, believe me," Yoongi mutters softly. "And a lot of that revolved around you. It would be so much easier if we weren't so close in age, but that can't be helped. And honestly, I'd have to enlist eventually...so why prolong the inevitable? I don't want them to call on me like I'm a tool they can use. I'll go when I want to and do my service on my own terms."

He reaches out again, and this time you allow him to take one of your hands. His face is broken as he clutches your wrist in both hands, resting his forehead against your arm.

"The very last thing either of us wants to do is hurt you, [Y/n]. But we've tried our best, and now it's time to do the right thing. I'm not a fan of the military either, and I know your hatred runs deeper than mine, but I'm strong enough to do this. Seokjin and I both are. Have faith in us, and I know we'll make it."

At that moment, you realize that there's nothing more you can say or do that will change the minds of either of the men you love most. Seokjin and Yoongi are determined. They've made their decision, and as much as you despise both that and the system that forces them to, deep down you know that there's no other way.

"Do you trust me?" Yoongi asks, after a few moments of silence. "Do you trust us?"

You slip your hand into his. The threading of your fingers together brings his gaze back up to yours. As you offer a tiny smile, your free hand rests on his bleached hair and ruffles it back and forth. The gesture causes Yoongi's lips to twitch into a grin, even if only for a moment.

"More than anyone on earth."

[wutbju]

Sharon A. Baker Hersh, BJU Class of 1971, has written an editorial for Patheos. The important words for WutBJU’s research purposes are bolded and italicized.

My first look into the eyes of racism was in 1977 when I was a freshman in college. I attended Bob Jones University—an institution I now know was built, both historically and theologically, on a foundation of racism. My student job was an administrative assistant to the university president’s executive assistant. One of my assignments was a memo to the staff asking them to clean up after themselves in the faculty bathroom, because it looked like a bunch of n***s had been using the bathroom. I never finished the assignment. My supervisor eventually typed the memo for me.

By the time I was a junior, that experience, as well as the university’s policy against “inter-racial dating,” made me ask, “is this even Christian?” I didn’t think so, but my own fragile knowledge of racial inequity, the complicit role of the white evangelical church, and my own responsibility compelled me to push this category to the corners of my life. Yet I could never completely shake the dissonance of that memo with the foundation of my faith: that we can find the face of God in everyone.

I slowly started to recognize relational violence and its inevitable ruins: disorientation, dehumanization, and disconnection. I am also learning that reorientation, compassionate inquiry, and belonging can rise from the ashes of my own ignorance and prejudice.

From Disorientation to Reorientation

The disorientation of not being able to type that memo is a reality I’ve felt many times. For me, disorientation is like the warning light on the dashboard of my car. I know something is not as it should be, but I’m not sure what to do about it. Disorientation becomes shame when we don’t seek help and become willing to push what we think we know out of the way in order to get to what we need to learn.

Years later I was asked to speak at a teacher in-service training in Nashville. I came face to face with racism again—my own—when I walked into a room of all African-American teachers. As I plowed ahead into my standard presentation with statistics, stories, and songs about white teenagers, the ruins of my deliberate denial began to surround me. I knew I was losing my audience. Shame taunted me from the corner of the room, hissing in delight that my denial had shrunk, silenced, and shaped me far more than I knew.

In a moment of mystery that clearly came from God himself, my shaky soul knew that I could not stay in the safety of systemic shame that would keep me from asking questions and admitting my ignorance or even my ugliness. I was tired of compartmentalizing my faith. After about fifteen minutes of bumbling into my presentation, I stopped and acknowledged, “I don’t know what I’m doing here. All of my stories are white. I think I should listen to you. . . .”[2] That day began my education in racial injustice. As I listened to their stories, I was reoriented to see the dignity of these men and women who do far more than teach.

From Dehumanization to Compassionate Inquiry

When we silence ourselves and stay in radical denial for the sake of self-protection, we dehumanize ourselves and others in the process. Compassionate inquiry breaks down walls and steps out from behind ideological shields. I learned this from a teacher that day—a teacher I initially dismissed with disdain. He began the morning by complaining about working on a Saturday. He wore his baseball cap backwards. I assumed he had nothing to offer me. I decided I just wouldn’t look at him while I taught. Small decisions accumulate into a smoldering fire that can ignite in a split second—burning hot and fast—and leaving the carnage of dismissal and degradation. A backwards baseball cap pushed me to desecrate this man’s dignity, and in the process, I desecrated my own and betrayed my faith.

Near the end of our time together, this teacher raised his hand. I pretended I didn’t see. Finally, he called out kindly, “Will you pray for us before you leave?” His compassionate inquiry stopped me. I quickly mumbled a half-hearted prayer, knowing the one in the room who needed the most prayer was me. Compassionate inquiry nudges the unconscious dynamics that run our lives. Acknowledging them begins the process of liberation.

From Disconnection to Belonging

True belonging is not about fitting in to safety or selling out to denial. It requires that we face the truth about ourselves, become willing to be uncomfortable, and be present with others without an agenda. I began that in-service training feeling untethered and alone. As I faced years of denial, unspoken prejudices, and inexcusable ignorance, I began to feel a sense of belonging in the midst of these weary and wounded hearts. After I fumbled through a prayer, another man in the class asked if he could pray. I can still hear his gravelly voice tinged by a Southern accent as he read a prayer by Walter Brueggemann:

When the world spins crazy,

spins wild and out of control

spins toward rage and hate and violence . . .

We pray midst the spinning, not yet unnerved,

but waiting and watching and listening,

for you are the truth that contains all our spin. Amen.[3]

Small ideas and decisions have left ruins of racism in my life. Small moments of asking, admitting, listening, and learning are allowing change to rise from those ruins. The poet W. H. Auden wrote, “Most of us would rather be ruined than change.” May we prove him wrong—one moment at a time.