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peachbokkie · 1 year ago

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WAHHHHH WHO SOBBED THAT WAS SO GOOD

Pairing : idol!Lee Felix x F!Reader TW : suggestive ; mentions of previous miscarriage ; slightly suggestive ; pregnancy ; childbirth ; angsty ; but with a happy ending ; Word Count : 4.8k Request : please could u do a part 2. to the miscarriage fic with felix ? it would be so cute to see them trying again when felix has a short break between tours - and them being successful and he tells STAY about his new son/daughter A/N :YES I CAN!! I LOVE WRITING PART TWO HAPPY ENDINGS! AND FELIX DESERVES HIS HAPPY ENDING!!

It was hard, and while no one had ever said that it would be easy, he never thought that it would be this hard. Some nights you’d still wake up crying and he’d always be there to hold you, to comfort you and tell you that it would be okay. Usually your tears would lead to his own beginning to fall, and his hands would instinctively wrap around your stomach that he knew was empty, but he couldn’t seem to let it go, as if rubbing it enough would somehow magically bring back what the both of you had lost.

The door to the room that was intended to be the nursery was indefinitely locked, the sight of the ultrasound photos that had been framed and hung up on the wall after every doctor's appointment only served as another painstaking memory of what he hadn’t been there for, what he had left you alone to handle. The guilt was something that weighed heavily on him, and no matter how many times you tried to tell him that it was okay, that it wasn’t his fault, no amount of time would lift that weight off of him.

Time surely doesn’t heal all wounds, but it does at some point make it easier… Easier to go about the day without breaking down in tears, easier to go back to work without becoming overwhelmed by the sense of loss that at first seemed to hit at the strangest times. Time made it easier to move on, although neither of you would never forget, and the memory of your little nugget would always stay with the both of you.

“Angel baby!” Felix shouted as he ran through the front door, breathless, although there was a wide smile on his face and his eyes were sparkling brighter than all of the stars in the sky right now. He was on a promotional tour around the country, doing fansigns and all of the things that management said he and the guys had to do. It’s not like he was going far, but your house was far from everything that they did, so he’d usually stay in the dorms during promotions. He wasn’t due back for another two weeks, so you couldn’t contain your excitement at the sight of him.

“Lixie!” You screamed, dropping what you were doing and running to the door to wrap your arms around him, his lips immediately crashing against your lips, his hands moving to your hips as he used one of his feet to kick the door shut, and then he was leading you, blindly, towards the bedroom. “What are you doing? Aren’t you hungry? Did you eat already?” You asked once you pulled back, extremely flustered by the suddenness, although you didn’t exactly mind it either.

“We’ll eat later… I got a whole week off from promotions to be here…” He said as he gently laid you down on the bed, and your eyebrows lowered questioningly as you looked at him. It wasn’t an anniversary, it wasn’t a holiday, it was neither of your birthdays coming up. He sheepishly bit his lip as he looked around the room, as if the answer was somewhere in there, and then his eyes landed on you again, a nervous chuckle escaping him. “Well I’ve been… tracking and… It says that you’re… ovulating…”

Your hands that had been holding onto his biceps quickly fell and landed against your face, shielding you from his gaze and hiding your look of embarrassment in your palms. “Felix…” You whispered, your voice coming out as a squeak. Of course, it wasn’t just that you were embarrassed, there was a certain fear that ate away at you at the mention, the mere thought of trying again.

“I know… I know you’re scared…” He murmured, gently grabbing your hands and pulling them away from your face before lacing his fingers between your own. “I’m scared too… But it’s been months… And I think we should try again…” His lips were light as a feather as he dragged them along your jaw, creating a trail of hot breath along your chin and up your cheek until he reached the corner of your lips. “Things will be okay…”

The entire week that he took off from promotions was spent trying, and trying, and trying again. He was so soft, so sweet, so delicate with you, murmurs of how he couldn’t wait to have a baby with you whispered in your ear when he was on top of you. You didn’t know how he had so much energy, he was going nonstop, and you swore that by the end of the week you wouldn’t even be able to stand.

A month later when your period was late and you took a test, you weren’t shocked to find that you were pregnant, but you were terrified, unable to even allow yourself to become excited as you stared at the two dark lines on the stick. You weren’t sure if you’d be able to go through that kind of loss again, especially since the first loss still heavily affected you.

When it came time to tell Felix, you could barely get the words out of your mouth, so you opted for just showing him the stick as tears slowly trickled down your cheeks. He fell to his knees on the floor, choked out sobs of happiness filling the otherwise silent room as his arms wrapped around your waist and his forehead rested against your stomach.

It took the two of you a bit to calm down, he just held you on the couch, his sobs slowly dying down into quiet sniffles as he hid his face in your hair. Soft vows to never leave you this time around, to be there for every single doctor's appointment, to take care of you, to just be with you through the whole pregnancy were made as he pulled you against his chest, laying back on the couch with you on top of him. Now that he knew you were pregnant he didn’t want to let you go.

He was quick to tell management what was going on, and they congratulated the two of you, letting you both know that if there was anything that you might need, they’d be there to help. Felix didn’t hesitate, letting them know that from now on, he wouldn’t be doing any overseas tours, not until his child was born. He refused to leave you for longer than 12 hours a day, and he let it be known that his phone would always be on so that if you needed anything, he’d be able to get to you as soon as possible.

Felix wasn’t taking any chances, and the guilt that had been plaguing him growing almost tenfold now, a constant reminder than while it hadn’t been his fault exactly… He wasn’t there when you needed him… He’d do better this time, not just for you, but for his baby too.

He also knew that with the constant breaks from his usual schedule, even with an announcement from the agency, the fans would come looking for answers, at least the crazy ones. You needed to be protected always, even when he wasn’t there, he made sure that security was always located at the front of the house and in the back. He wasn’t taking any chances, there was too much at stake, and he knew that once everything was okay he’d be able to tell STAY, but for now, you and the baby were his top priority, his number one concern.

The months seemed to pass a lot slower now, every night allowed hi to let out a sigh of relief that nothing had gone wrong, but every morning when he’d wake up he’d inwardly panic, wondering whether this would be the day that everything went bad, the day where you both would be made to suffer once more.

Month 3 was the biggest hurdle, looming in the distance, and when that month finally came and passed without any problems, it felt like you both could finally just breathe. The rest of the guys knew how scared Felix had been, they could see it in the way he was, his mind preoccupied during practice, even when they were just talking, he always seemed so distant. They knew what it was about, and they could also see that he had visibly relaxed once he felt like the two of you were in the clear.

You had said that he could tell STAY during the 5th month, and although you still were telling him that by then it should be safe to do so, he didn’t feel like any month was safe. Until his baby was out of your stomach and in the world, he wasn’t telling anyone anything. He didn’t want to get his hopes up. Plus, you hadn’t even reached the 5th month, you were still in month 4 and although he could breathe easier, he wasn’t far enough away from that third month to fully be at ease.

“Practice time?” You asked from the couch, the remote resting against the little bump that was beginning to form. God, he had been so happy to see it when he first noticed, his hands immediately drawn to your protruding stomach as the brightest smile spread across his face. Since then, he couldn’t seem to stop touching it, rubbing your stomach as his tears seemed to habitually form now.

“Mmm… Only for a couple hours, I won’t be gone for more than five hours though, I won’t allow it.” He said, pausing at the back of the couch and leaning over it to kiss your cheek and then straining to press his lips to your stomach. “What are you gonna do while I’m gone?”

It was a common question that he asked before he ever went anywhere without you. He felt like he needed to know, just to make sure that you were okay, even though the security that was placed around the house were given keys just in case they heard something or if you called for help, he felt better if he knew exactly what you were planning on doing when he wasn’t around.

“I’ll probably still be sitting here when you get back. The only reason I ever get up is to use the bathroom or get a snack, and I don’t think you can bring the bathroom close to me like you can with the chips.” You joked, pausing your show to get up off the couch. “Don’t overwork yourself today, okay? We have the appointment tomorrow to find out what little bean is.”

He knew, he knew very well what tomorrow was. It was the most important day ever, more important than any award show, more important than any tour date. He’d finally get to find out what his baby is, he’d finally get to know whether he’d have a little boy that he’d be able to teach how to surf and dance just like him and his uncles. Or maybe he’d have a daughter that, once old enough, would love to work on his and Hyunjins hair, putting little clips in it. His imagination and his daydreams were endless, but he knew that no matter what, he’d just be happy that they were here, that they were healthy.

“I can’t wait, baby.” His hands once again found their way to your stomach as he kissed you, keeping you close to the couch even though he knew that you had gotten up to walk him to the door. He didn’t want you on your feet longer than you had to be though. “Watch your show… If you need me, just call me, even if it’s because you can’t reach something in the top cabinet. Okay? Just call me, text me, anything.” You had giggled lightly at the words, but you knew he was serious, he literally wanted you to call him for anything. He cared about you way too much, you were the mother of his child, you were carrying his child, he’d be damned if anything happened to you that he could have possibly kept from happening.

He stood in the middle of the practice room, him and the rest of the guys drenched with sweat as they all tried to catch their breaths. They were getting ready for their comeback which had been planned around all the doctor’s appointments that you had. Management had been so understanding, having been there throughout the first pregnancy and the sudden loss of it, they were doing everything they could to make sure Felix could both be there for you and the baby, and be there with the group as well.

“Soooo~~ Are you excited? Hmm?” Changbin asked, playfully nudging Felix with his shoulder. Everyone knew what tomorrow was, Felix hadn’t been quiet about it since he found out at the last appointment that the coming one would be the big reveal. His head nodded quickly as his smile grew wide. “I bet it’s gonna be a boy. I’m gonna teach him how to lift. We’ll start with rattles, and then word our way up to stuffed animals and- What?!” Felixs eyes narrowed although his body shook with his silent laughter. “Don’t be mad, I’m gonna be the coolest gym uncle ever.”

“Nah! Y/N is gonna have a girl, Felix gives off girl dad energy.” Jisung stated, and Felixs head tilted to the side with confusion. “You know, heart cookies with pink and sparkly sprinkles. She can even come in and paint mine and Chans nails.” Jisung said excitedly, and while Felix had known that his members would be there for him, he never expected them to be just as excited as he was.

“Maybe the baby can go to the gym! Put them in the stroller and run with them on the treadmill!” Jeongin said, his eyes almost disappearing with his wide smile, but all Felix could do was blink for a second, then two seconds, and then his head shook quickly.

“Don’t try to do that. Don’t ever try to do that. Y/N will be furious, and I’ll kick your asses.” Felix said, partially joking about the ass kicking, but he knew you’d be pissed, and he knew… well, hopefully knew that the guys wouldn’t do something that crazy… Although Seungmin and Jeongin looked a little disappointed that they couldn’t do it.

His phone started going off, the ringtone that was specifically yours sounding off had him pulling out his phone quickly to check the text. “Felix… can you come home?” The message had his breath hitching in his throat as his legs seemed to lose all feeling. His heart sank into his stomach and his hands shook as he held the phone tightly in his hands. This couldn’t be happening again… could it? No… But the way the text came in, it felt like being on tour all over again and getting the news.

“Not again…” Felix said, almost chanting the words as he stared wide eyed at the screen, not even blinking. It was the worst feeling in the world, to think that something was wrong, to think that he was losing his little bean too. All the guys quickly quieted down, waiting for Felix to do or say anything, but he continued to stare at his phone, his tears already brimming in his eyes.

Chan ran over, his arm draped over Felixs shoulder as he walked him out of the practice room. “Go ahead… If you need us, we’ll be right here. Okay?�� It was one thing that Chan never wanted to see Felix go through ever again though, he didn’t want to see any of the guys go through that kind of pain.

He could remember Felixs excitement as he ran through the doors to the practice room when you had told him that you were pregnant once again. The emotion radiated off of him in waves, it was contagious, he didn’t want that feeling to go away. He didn’t want Felix to be sad again…

Now, Felix hadn’t been gone long, he couldn’t have been practicing for more than 3 hours, but when he walked through the door you were already dressed, your purse sitting by the front door and your shoes set out as if you had already left the house. Your head was bowed, your face buried in your phone, he couldn’t even see you. Were you crying again? Were you trying to hide it from him?

“Baby…” He whispered, his voice shaking with his worry as he walked over to you. “What’s wrong… Wh-What happened?” Would he even want to hear the answer to his own question? He was so scared, and a preemptive sadness washed over him, his legs threatening to buckle beneath him as he got closer to the couch.

“Lixie, you’re-“ You cut yourself off when you saw the expression on his face, your eyes widening as you got up off the couch and hurried over to him. “What’s wrong?” You rushed out the two words as you cupped his face. “Did something happen to one of the guys? Are you okay?”

Your questions confused him, not only because they weren’t about you or the baby, but because before you had started asking them, you sounded so happy. “I thought… because the text… And… The last time you sent a text like that… I just thought…” The tears had already begun to stream down his face, and your hands moved to cup his cheeks, your thumbs gently brushing them away as you gave him an apologetic smile.

“Baby no…” You murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips to try to calm his shaky breaths. “Everything is perfect… The doctor called, she said she wouldn’t be in tomorrow for our appointment, but she has a bit of freetime today and she could squeeze me in. I just thought you’d want to be there with me…” Relieved wasn’t the right word to explain how he felt right now, his hands immediately held onto your stomach and he swallowed back the lump in his throat. “I should have explained in the text… I just got a little excited and I wrote it while I was getting dressed…”

“It’s alright angel… As long as you and little bean are okay…” His chuckle came out as a short breathy sound, his head falling forward until his forehead was against yours. “Let’s go, hopefully my heart will calm down by the time we get there.”

The next 4 months seemed to blow by, and before he knew it, you were laying in the hospital bed, your face covered in sweat as you held his hand in a death grip. His baby was finally going to be here, and the tears that fell down his cheeks were from his excitement.

Your head fell back against the bed with one final push, and then he was handed a pair of scissors, the doctors showing him exactly where to cut the cord. His breath was held until his baby’s cries filled the room, and he couldn’t help but cry as well. His vision blurred as he looked at you, brushing back the strands of hair that clung to your face as he choked out soft praises.

“You did so good, baby… I’m so proud of you…” He said between soft kisses that were placed all over your face. “You look so beautiful… God, I’m so lucky…” He continued, glancing up every couple seconds to watch as the doctors cleaned and swaddled the baby in a blanket before coming back over and laying the little bundle against your chest.

Felix pulled out his phone, snapping a quick photo of the moment, one that he’d never want to forget. “We did good…” You murmured, your fingers lightly brushing against the soft skin of your baby’s face before brushing your hand over the full head of hair. “So perfect…”

2 weeks later, Felix stood in the practice room that had been turned into a makeshift party room, tables lined the walls and on those tables were so many plates of food and so many perfectly wrapped presents, he felt like it would take forever to get through it all.

“I thought baby showers were supposed to be done before the baby is born.” Felix commented as he watched Hyunjin and Jeongin work to put up the streamers and bows and other little decorations that were hanging from the ceiling. “We have everything we need now.”

Bangchan shook his head as he motioned towards the presents that somehow seemed to grow higher and higher every time someone new walked in. “Yeah but, we wanted to make sure she has everything she needs. Our niece will never go without anything. Plus, it’s good to know what size clothes she wears so you don’t have to go through the hassle of returning things.”

It made sense, but Felix felt like maybe everyone was splurging a little too much, although it felt nice to know that his daughter was already loved so dearly by the rest of the guys and management and staff. “You all must’ve spent a lot of money… You really didn’t have to do all this though.” He looked around once more, noticing the larger box that stood next to the table, and he wondered what it was, how much it cost, who got it… His eyes began to water again.

“Yes we did. You’re our family, Felix, and Y/N is our family, and your daughter is our family too.” Bangchan said, patting the younger man's back as he followed Felixs eyes around the room. “Did you tell Y/N that you wanted her to bring in the baby… That we all wanted to see her?” It had been the plan, and that’s why Changbin was currently on his way to your house, which Felix had informed you of as well. You had no idea what was going on, and before Felix had gone into the office today, he hadn’t had an inkling of an idea that this was going to happen either.

“Yeah, I let her know… thank you guys… really… for all of this. It’s amazing… Y/N is going to love it.” Felix murmured, pursing his lips to try to stifle his sniffling. “I should get down to the front lobby to meet her and help her carry in the baby… I’ll be right back.”

And love it you did, you had let out a little gasp when you walked in the room when you saw everyone there and all the decorations that lined the walls. You choked out the quietest thank you as you quickly covered your face with your hands, overwhelmed with so many emotions you couldn’t really say anything else, opting to just hug everyone that was there.

“She’s like a little celebrity, isn’t she…” You joked, watching everyone crowd around Minho as he held your daughter, the others complaining that he had been holding her for too long and that it was their turn now. “I don’t think they’re going to put her down for the rest of the day… She’ll be spoiled…” You commented as Minho reluctantly handed your daughter off to Hyunjin who wore a victorious smile from being chosen next.

“Maybe just a little bit spoiled… They love her though… They’ve been texting me nonstop about when they get to meet her. I think that’s why Chan and them planned the baby shower for after she was born.” He said, his eyes glued to Hyunjin who was walking around the room with the baby, and while Felix trusted the guys, his heart was still racing, worried when she was in anyone else’s arms that weren’t yours or his.

“I’m gonna be the favorite uncle!” Became the sudden topic for bickering, Hyunjins voice soft yet still heard by the rest of the guys as he cradled your daughter against his chest, sticking his tongue out at the rest of the guys. “Nuh uh! I’m gonna be the favorite! I’m gonna buy her a bunch of toys and stuffed animals! Now let me hold her! It’s my turn!” Jisung whined, holding out his arms and making grabby hands at Hyunjin.

“Actually, I’ll be the favorite uncle. When Y/N, the baby, Felix and I go back to Australia, I’ll take them all to see Berry. Everyone loves Berry, I’ll automatically become the favorite.” Bangchan said, satisfied enough with his own answer that he didn’t mind the fact that he still hadn’t held the baby. “Well what if she’s not a dog person, hmm? I’ve got Soonie, Doongie, and Dori. Everyone loves cats, and everyone loves my cats.” Minho said, smirking at Bangchan who simply rolled his eyes before they both looked back at Hyunjin who was doing his best to keep Jisung from grabbing the baby.

“Yah! No fair! You can’t use pets to try to one up everyone! I’ll just… I’ll give piggy-back rides! You can’t beat that! Kids love piggy-back rides!” Changbin argued, standing on his toes behind Hyunjin to look over his shoulder, his hand gently brushing over your baby’s head. “You all are trying so hard, and I’m still going to be her favorite uncle.” Jeongin said, a little bit too cocky as he sat in the chair beside Felix. “I got this all terrain stroller, and I’m pretty sure it’ll work on treadmills too.”

Both yours and Felixs eyebrows shot up as you turned to look at Jeongin. “Dude… I told you that you can’t do that.” Felix whispered, his eyes darting over to you every couple of seconds. “Just take her on a normal walk, man… I’m sure she’d have just as much fun.”

Jeongin pouted at you and you gave him a stern look, shaking your head already in response to the question that he hadn’t had the chance to ask. “I just want to be the fun uncle. You both are party poopers.” He huffed, turning to look back at the neatly wrapped box that was far bigger than all the others. “Can’t believe I spent all that money on a stroller and you won’t even let me use it on the treadmill… It’s the only reason I got that one.”

The only one who hadn’t actively bombarded your daughter with attention was Seungmin, he stayed in the back, although he did smile whenever she let out a little burp, and he’d chuckle softly whenever the guys would pass her back to your or Felix when her diaper would be filled. “Wouldn’t it be ironic if Seungmin was her favorite uncle?” You joked to Felix who had finally gotten his daughter back into the safety of his arms, holding her close to him as he cooed softly to her, his smile brighter than the sun, the moon and all the stars as he looked at her.

“I will be.” Seungmin said, having been eavesdropping on you and Felix and dropping down in the chair that Jeongin had been sitting in previously. “Mainly because I’m not annoying. And I’m not taking part in the hot potato game with your daughter. I don’t think she enjoyed that very much.” Felix snorted quietly, his head lifting slightly to look at Seungmin who was smiling at the two of you. “I’m happy for you both… You deserve this…” His words were genuine, and Felix felt himself getting choked up at the sincere sentiment. These guys truly were his family, and he knew without a doubt that no matter what happened, they’d always be there for you and for his daughter. She had 7 amazing uncles, and even though they were all fighting to be the favorite, Felix knew that they’d all hold a special place in her heart, just like they did in his.

“She’s all tired out from being passed around all day…” You whispered, laying your daughter in the bassinet that was set up next to your bed. “I’m tired too. Gotta make sure to thank all the guys and the staff and everyone tomorrow morning, I don’t think I got the chance to tell everyone before I left.” You turned on the baby monitor before walking out of the bedroom with Felix right behind you, heading straight to the bathroom to wash up. “It was so nice though… I can’t believe they did all that.”

Felix watched you through the mirror as you started brushing your teeth, his chin resting on your shoulder as his arms wrapped around your waist. “Baby…” He murmured, and your eyes focused on his reflection as you hummed questioningly in response. “Thank you… For being so amazing… For giving me the most precious gift. I’m so lucky to have you… And she’s so lucky to have you as her mother. You’ve given me everything that I’ve ever wanted, and I just love you so much…” He kissed your cheek softly before holding your hair back so you could spit in the sink. “I can’t wait to spend every single day of the rest of my life with you… Making memories with you and our baby… I’m the happiest man in the entire universe… Thank you…”

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