#n only my mum liked it
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Can't get rid of that feeling that everyone secretly dislikes me and finds me extremely annoying.
#i posted music i made to Facebook#n only my mum liked it#i can see it has more than#a dozen plays#but no one liked it#i dont make music to be liked or anything but#at least a few hearts would feel validating#i feel like no one likes me#n i kniw how self absorbed that sounds#and i hate myself for it#i just wanna share#n be vulnerable#but it feels like rejection when nobody reacts#i dont know if i just suck#n my close friends n family#dont wanna hurt my feelings#i wanna write n make music so badly
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Sjdbwisbskandhwpsksjapa!!!!!!
#k1keksnwoajajd!!!!#this is like the only time ive ever got a custom cake#i had no fucking ifea this was whay it would look like#thia is fuckimg amazing!!!!#i wish i knew who made it so o could give vredit but the most i know is shes a freimd of my mums n thays it#the mechanisms#the mechs#birthday#18 birthdays#fuck gettimg drunk on yoir 18th imma go tp a con#play dnd n blast mechanisms somgs all the while !!!
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ok i didn’t notice this until i saw a gifset that Really slowed down the moment but
thomas has got to be the absolute worst person to be carrying around humphrey
this poor man’s head is wedged between an eternally sopping gunshot wound which he can see right into and quite possibly all the way through And the equally bloodsoaked hand-and-sleeve used to staunch the aforementioned hole
you stays how you dies and thomas absolutely didn’t last long enough for that blood to dry. at most it probably just went a bit cold in the autumn air
whenever thomas grabs him, humphrey gets cold, wet blood pressed against both cheeks and a front row seat into his innards
#bbc ghosts#bbc ghosts thomas#thomas thorne#bbc ghosts humphrey#headless humphrey#humphrey bone#anyway in other news i was watching yonderland and my mum saw me#n she was like ooh what’s that what r u watching#and i really had to just take a moment to think about how i could possibly answer that#because im 2 seasons in and im still only vaguely sure i know what the plot is#absolute fever dream of a show i swear
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shoutout to people with dads who are part of Gen X who introduced them to the best music of their generation when their dads were kids in the 70s-80s (it's me i'm people) (i love my dad <3)
#also shoutout to my 80s mum who has the best taste in metal and rock ever <3#for fun here's a list of artists my dad introduced me to when i was young: queen. the beatles. electric light orchestra. the monkees. acdc.#-jeff wayne and his orchestra. led zepplin. pink floyd. toto. billy joel. europe. guns n roses. weird al. abba. beegees. tom jones.-#-david bowie. michael jackson. king crimson. roar.#my parents have such good music taste#also i love how my dad is mostly 70s 80s rock and stuff and then my mum is just like full on rob zombie#my music taste has basically been inherited from 3 places and 3 places only: my mum my dad and the internet#also fun fact: according to my dad i used to fall asleep to acdc when i was a small child#it was the song ''she's got the jack'' specifically#progressive rock makes me really relaxed to. i have probably been lulled to sleep by pink floyd many times as a tiny child#dude started my music taste young#my dad liking prog rock is probably the reason i like bands like yes and tangerine dream now#also 70s rock is just so. gender?????#maybe the reason 70s-80s music gives me so much gender euphoria is because it reminds me of my dad#anyway yeah shoutout to 70s-80s music#ALSO shoutout to the movies tommy and hairspray and little shop of horrors because my parents showed me them too!!#i really grew up as an 80s-90s kid with 70s music tastes living in the mid 2000s lmao
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taking an extra half an amfexa before I leave work bc [redacted] (popular artist) is playing my city tn and I'll need it to cope with how awful the traffics gonna be when I'm on the bus 💀
#thinking of that post abt the customwr who tried to pay for smth with a piece of paper that said $40 voucher on it#and the guys coworkers being like how are u so calm? and the op is like i went to the break room and took an extra adderall#NOT TO MENTION PPL ACTUALLT GOING TO THE CONCERT ON MY BUS.....theyre gonna be soooo annoying 😭😭😭😭#but i wont care ill be listening to the katamari damacy ost and reading dorohedoro v10 peace and love on planet earth#i hope i get a seat at least#ALSO NINTENDO DIRECT WHEN I GET HOOOOME YAYY#.diaries#its fine cuz i didnt take a dose at lunch since i wasn't crashing anyway.. its only rly hitting me now#i didnt have anything to do at work this afternoon so didnt need to be able to focus.. someone from qc was using equipment i needed to#so i had to move it to another day. was nice tho i gave a coworker some of my leftover brownies n we took an extra half hour break >:)#and then went and complained abt [artist] to another coworker bc hes not a fan either LOL#very productive day 😇#im gonna need the focus to be able to call my mum tonight tho.. amfexa save me save me amfexa#and im gonna go to bed even earlier. i somehow got 7.5 hours last night which is a rarity for me but still felt knackered when i got up#maybe like 9:30 tn and hopefully it wont take longer than an hour for me to fall asleep and i can aim for 8hrs🤞
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Ahhh, the September 5th. The day after the 5 year anniversary of the Sans being in Smash reveal. *blows kiss at my 12 year old self* Happy anniversary of a very happy memory to you too, you little unhinged maniac. This is all for you.
#undertale#sans undertale#sans#super smash bros ultimate#god i still remember that day it was so fun#waking up to the news and buzzing to blab about the news to my friends#watching the reveal with them in school during break and jumping and screaming and throwing up in unfiltered joy#and screaming into my pillow at home until my mum got mad at me cuz she could hear me from the groundlevel of our apartment#we lived on the 4th floor btw XD#the comics videos and reactions that were flooding my page back then. the way it felt like EVERYONE was united in loving a puny skeleton#i think that day was one of my most memorable happy times where i was so unbelievably excited and giddy in a way i usually can't muster#jumping and crying and screaming over a mii in a sans costume shouldn't have gotten me to such a state but it did and i'm grateful#i don't really like younger me but this is one these things where i'm glad i was silly goofy with no filter or awareness#i was cringe but i was free and it gave me a memory i'm fond of to this day#anyway this is getting deep for no reason lol i have not drawn sans in years so hopefully he looks good! i drew this like right now#happy belated sans being revealed in super smash bros ultimate anniversary to me and only me <33#momento doodles 'n sketches
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terrible resolution video but morning bird feeder watching! Robin, Blue tit & Nuthatch all hanging out
#i think!!!!! we have baby nuthatches!!!! ive seen a couple tiny guys#and the adult is VERY back n forth to the feeder#theres also sparrows and maybe greattits around but not so much on the feeder#interesting dynamics today. usually we get the whole squadron on the feeder but today theyre only staying around a second#and if anyone else comes in they scatter#nyxtalks#birds#this is on like. 8x zoom and my phone camera isnt very good :(#might rb with some pictures my mum takes if theres anything good
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mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3
#u can ignore but!#in the process of secretly prepping to cut my mum off bc shes got total financial control over me (im 26)#i got a lot of money when i was 18 from an accident n shes basically in control of my assets bc she made it that wah#*way#if that makes sense#like i can only access my money if i go to the bank with her. she lives in a house i boyght her free of charge#sje bullied me into biying another house in wales so she can rent it out as a holidah home n use it as a free holiday spot n said i would#get an income from it but shes given me nothing in the 4/5 yrs weve had it#she put her name on the deeds to all my assets#so i have money but it is inaccessible#i need some bc i need to fund my phd next year but sje wont help me#anyways! thats lowkey besides the point#my dads got a brain tumor n my mum doesnt know i still see my dad bc she thinks i havent spoke to him since je left like 3 yrs ago#but i helped hjm leave bc she was abusing him n had been since i was like 9#n now im stressed out bc my dads not well and i feel like um running out of time with him#but hes in the hospital at the minute after having a siezure a few weeks after his brain surgery#so ive visited him like 3 days in a row n he remarried this year and my stepmum/sisters are so nice#its like having a real family#and it makes me feel guilty yo say that abt my mum n sister#like the guilt of havi g a bad parent is so real tonight fellas im just gonna sit n cry for a few dags#tbd.#if u read this far i love u .. whats hr zodiac#but yeah! this is why im so inactive#n bc im doi g my masters degree but . that pales in comparison rn
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Spent all of my money in the sales on navy summer clothes and Charlotte Tilbury make up 🕊️
#I’m thinking my summer uniform will be shorts n cute tops because mum life#and I only like monochrome outfits at the moment just all 1 colour#really really wanted a yellow linen shirt and short set but every single one I liked sold out 😭
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.
#I love when my mum says smth hurtful to me n then makes it about herself and then sends me a half assed apology 2 hours later#As if that changes the fact that I have spent 2 hours crying tonight bc I tried to ask for advice and she just#Told me that if I Really Tried I COULD work 6 days a week. That other people don't get exhausted by only working 5 days#And that I always seem to be able to do what I want to do (so clearly I am not trying hard enough) (so clearly I am a naive little child)#(So clearly I am just being lazy. Right)#Which I have spent years trying to tell myself isn't true. And I'm already struggling and I cannot handle being told that on top of#everything else. And after 2 hours of crying I get 'sorry; my bad; am tired; make good decisions; love you'#I have already emailed my therapist I just feel like I am about to fall to a million pieces on someone soon and I want it to at least be#in a private room with a professional
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Wee ha
#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent#posting this on the 17th of August#So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em#But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself#But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway#This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this#But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end#featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem#I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half#Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore#It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao#I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat#My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so#so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao#He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place#Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit#Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner#Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening.#OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on.#It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything.#Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you
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why r u so mad about ppl preferring ten x madame de pompadour to ten x martha like ten/martha will never be a thing. ten don’t want anything to do with martha. he literally said to her face she wouldn’t replace rose… and she never did… isnt canon enough for you
hm.
im glad im only a scorpio on this alone. if martha deserved better than ten then so do all of em but anyway:
this ask is giving 2006/07 i dont want to see tenth doctor in a romantic relationship with a person of color because i can't project myself or relate to them if they arent the very thing being catered to me ever since the silent pictures vibes. u know the same vibe when rtd was told to not regenerate 14 in 13's clothes. just. Ick.
but im not mad. its just interesting for a ship so big as tenrose, it is usually correlated with hating madame de pompadour and/or joan and/or river [though in joan's case they hate her not because shes racist but because shes not rose]
though comics tend to release to combat that in multi doctor stories where they jump through various alternate universes of themselves where the doctor sees themselves settled down with dr. grace holloway (for 8th dr multi doctor stories) and professor melody williams/river song (for 11th dr multi doctor stories) where in those cases, they are frightful of the concept settling down at all. [take note that both times, he settles down in the same house that he owns bc of that unit paycheck on the dl] so i am curious that with this new drs, the equivalent of this would be 13 14 15 being terrified of settling down with rose because they had grown past her as this point.
i prefer the doctor in a polyromantic ace relationship than their umpteenth 🌟tragic heteronormative romance with yt human woman number 23445788764443356743🌟 i want 14 to sweep martha off her feet in pure joy and kiss her passionately while badmouthing tf out of 10 like 9 11 12 13 do with no filter before cradling her like a baby because hes about to crumble under his brand new identity complex and then take her kid to an amusement park and then 14 trips over a brick and dies. hell i rather have nina sosanya play a whole different lady in nod to doctor who recycles their actors trope as a way to introduce a love interest to 14
that amusment park one weirdly sounds like a 8th doctor audio. pls 🙏🏾 dont make it into one i couldnt handle schezro let alone the rest of his content. Empire of the Wolf made me so fucking worried for rose marion tyler like im just she back home 🫣. as for rose tyler from the sea devil universe still out about. whoop his ass. if billie come back as HER? MISS COVER MODEL MISS DICTATOR MISS EMPRESS ROSE?
NOT
i would love for ten to be strictly friends with the new miss empress rose. get that martha karma real quick ehehehehe after all rtd did say they need freema for somethin and im sure seeing 10 get treated the same way he treated martha by no other than empress rose herself -AND THEN EMPRESS ROSE FLIRTS WITH MARTHA??? FINGERS CROSSED??? im just saying that i personally will ride on that for 8 black history months and christmases straight like woo
also real glad it is collectively decided by every one that tentoo is just john smith not corin so yay thanks big finish and titan comics
#{lets see if i can scare this anon away listen i even made a graphic for this damn it. u better appreciate it i went all out for you}#{porn blogs and micro antiblack anons: this is why i dont share my shipping opinions much bc they stick to tv and i stick to everything}#{usually all this i gave to my aunt and we would have phone discussions and she would watch and call be like hey yeah! i see it}#{and she would say: but really it wasnt that for martha. it was the writing choices that was disapproved because not wanting another 💞}#{it went from classism for rose to racism for martha and she points that it wasnt catered to black fans in the rtd era}#{so yeah ten x martha wouldn't be a thing but only because test audiences and fans refused it due to the studios racial bias}#{10 wanted everything to do w martha. he just used rose as excuse and because of that 12 and 13 vocally to his face hates him for it}#{and we all fell for it: everybody did because like 12 said: its the bambi eyes. hook line and sucker}#{he wanted martha the whole time but he kept playing that hot n cold game to the wrong girl just bc it worked on 2 later 3 yt blonde women}#{4 yt women because of miss kylie minogue! all of a sudden he dont know how to counterflirt when a blk woman flirts back?}#{yes thats right im throwing miss claire pope AND IN THE GABBY GONZALES COMIC OF THE PPL OUTSIDE HER FAMILY LAUNDROMAT??}#{but yeah after losing donna suddenly supiciously hes not racist but extremely genocidal to death and death alone like hm.}#{his actions speak extremely louder than his words and in turn so does the fandom and its writers}#{4 yt blondes and hes willing to believe in them despite him having to permanently lose them but completely have lil faith in the blk one?}#{ ten never actually go back to martha. be fair if i forgave the person that enslave her family for a missing year? yeah i wouldnt either}#{we could never be together because of a yt woman i chose to leave behind three times with her mum for 'safety' boy bye}#{and i go around and almost in one whole episode almost left her behind AGAIN for madame de pompadour another blonde yt woman?}#{like i ship them i ship all of em but if they were all hanging off a cliff side? 🤧 😔 we gather here today in the loss of 🌹 and depomp}#{dont worry at least 9 would leap after rose.}#bw: out of ethos#answered#anonymous#bw: long post#{i made a long post just so i surprise you with a cute billie graphic thats all. that the main topic}
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how am i supposed to find a place to live.. when i am so sleepy 😔
#i’m not sure i’ve got it in me boys and also i have to. find a job#i’m exhausted! also why are people so particular and weird in their requirements for flatmate#feeling pretty home sick now for the first time in my trip n would like a hug. from my mum#but i mean four months of solo travelling and only just getting home sick is pretty good but yeah it doesn’t help i’ve had two quite major#bad things happen while i’ve been over here within a month of each other#anyway tomorrow i’m going to fully assess what i should do today im sleeping i’m a lil hungover#i think i need 2 talk to my brother n friends n stuff#laura says some things#sorry ignore me feeling sorry for myself in the tags xxx obviously i am very lucky to even like. have this problem that i have the option#to move overseas etc
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being the first person in ur immediate family to go to uni is so scary i'm so scared i'm really quite scared hey have i mentioned i'm scared and finding it a little bit scary
#it's like.. FINE. but it's just going 2 be a huge thing if i fuck it up#not cuz my parents were like You Have To Go To Uni but bc i chose 2 go when no one else has n that is Something like i'm actively#choosing to study instead of getting a full time job so i have 2 make it worth something ykwim#also my dad keeps trying 2 give me advice but he only started at uni cuz he wanted 2 make his mum happy and then dropped out a month in#and so it's like girl. thank u so much for caring but also telling me it's going to be Really Fucking Hard is not helpful anymore
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todays update: my mother has let me get my septum done but before she was convinced i had to show her via pinterest that you can get nice jewlery for it and it doesn’t have to make you look like a cow. oh and my stepfather is an absolute cunt.
#juni rambles 💅🏻#todays been a wild day#it was really fun#me and my mum went out did a bit of shopping and then went and had a costa#and then went round town a few times listing to get car playlist (only just convinced her to use spotify)#and then my stepdad ruined the nice dinner we had by being himself#and he wonders why i don’t like joining them for dinner#n e way <3
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gonna be on today < 3
#super stressed out bc ive been awake since 8 bc i got a call from the police#saying my bf had been arrested and that he wantsd to talk to me#but when they took me off hold to talk to him it cut off#so i met his mum n we went to the only police station that they take ppl to in our city now#n we were stood in this hallway like tjere was no reception just a prison cell door ajd other locked doors#then 2 officers and my bf appear whilst we were waiting which was good timing ig#but im just so annoyed at him n stressed out n i spent the whole night thinking he was ignoring n cheating but he was just in jail lmao#BUT ANYWAYSSS#its now 3pm and i havent eaten n i feel so sick 🤧#tbd.
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