#myki card

[lilac-hecox]

Last one. I swear! Canon Divergent where Anthony did win the Streamys and he uses that opportunity to announce his relationship with Ian. Au where Anthony and Mykie broke up in 2021 but still remained friends.

Ian/Anthony - Winner's Speech

--

Anthony really didn’t think he’d win the Streamy. He was so sure that he wouldn’t win -not because he didn’t believe in his show, but because of the amount of insanely talented people he was up against- that he didn’t bother to rehearse the speech he had jotted down on an index card earlier in the week. He had written it, read it out loud to himself once in the mirror, his face red in embarrassment as he practiced, holding his brush as the trophy, like he was a teenaged beauty queen. When they were getting ready, he had tucked the index card into the interior pocket of his suit jacket.

Anthony is two and a half glasses of champagne deep when they announce the winner for show of the year. Ian is about the same and he smiles at Anthony. Under the safety of the table Ian’s hand finds Anthony’s knee, squeezing firm and protective.

“It’s going to be you,” Ian says, leaning in just a little, keeping enough space to avoid any suspicions. Ian’s eyes are so warm as he talks, his face just a little red from the alcohol.

Anthony longs to brush the stray strands of hair from Ian’s face, but they’re in the middle of a crowded awards show that’s being livestreamed, and it would be pure insanity to do such a thing now. Instead, he lets a hand drift under the table, settles it on top of Ian’s for a moment, returning the smile.

“I really don’t think so, but I appreciate your confidence in me,” Anthony says, rubbing his thumb over the back of Ian’s hand.

On stage MatPat is guiding the audience through collecting letters to spell out the winner’s show title. Ian and Anthony had looked when he first announced the rules, but they had nothing hidden at their table.

“Okay,” MatPat says, corralling the letter finders into a line on stage, “I think we got it. On the count of three I want you all to turn around so the audience can read the winner,” he instructs.

Ian snorts next to him, “This is so convoluted.”

Anthony nods, and though, like he said, he’s sure he’s not going to win, there’s still a nervous edge to his heartbeat, there is still a lingering hope somewhere in the pit of his stomach that is anxious to see what is spelled out with the black letter tiles on stage.

“One.”

“Good luck,” Ian whispers.

“Two.”

Ian smiles at him.

“Three.”

Ian quietly, barely, mouths three words to Anthony that mean everything in the world to him.

The assembled scavangers on stage turn, revealing their letters, the letters that spell out ‘I Spent A Day With’.

MatPat is on stage clapping, the audience breaks out in cheers. Anthony feels Ian’s hands on his shoulders, shaking him just a little in excitement.

“Oh my God!” Ale says, grabbing her phone and pointing it at Anthony.

“Where’s our man of the hour?” MatPat says from stage.

Anthony sees a camera pointed at their table and then Zoe is poking him in the side, grinning.

“Stand up,” she tells him.

Anthony stands on shaky legs, disbelief filling him.

Ian stands too and he’s excited, but he’s also aware of the crowd, the cameras, the audience watching from their devices, eyes focused on every little detail. Ian gives Anthony a quick hug, nothing that could be perceived as anything strange. He releases Anthony and nudges him towards the stage.

Anthony is grinning as he slides past tables full of creators who are clapping politely, some who pat his back as he passes them, as he makes his way to the stage where he and Ian had presented earlier in the night. Anthony makes it up the stairs and to the stage, passing by where the group has his show’s name spelt out in front of him.

MatPat offers his hand and Anthony shakes it. Then it’s all a blur of being handed an award, a Streamy, and he’s being put in front of a microphone.

Anthony stares out into the massive crowd, familiar faces, and strangers, the house lights so bright it’s hard to see properly. He’s waited for this moment for years. He feels pride well inside of him. Don’t fucking cry on stage. Anthony thinks. Through the lights and the chaos, his eyes seek out the one thing that never fails to calm him down.

Ian.

Ian sitting there in the audience, clapping for him, smiling so wide, looking so handsome in his emerald, green suit. Ian who believed that Anthony would win even when Anthony himself did not. Ian, his best friend. Ian, the very love of his entire life.

Anthony’s jotted down speech is long forgotten in his suit pocket, and he fumbles for what to say while on mic.

“I, wow, thank you,” Anthony says, “I, have a lot of people to thank. My team, my friends, everyone who lets me interview them, and trust me, I appreciate it and you all, but I honestly don’t think I would even be standing on this stage if it wasn’t for one person out there.” Anthony’s heart is beating so fast in his chest. His mouth spilling out words that he is only barely able to keep up with. He knows, he knows in his heart what he wants to say, and for a moment he closes his eyes, follows that gut instinct.

“Ian Hecox.”

Anthony sees the camera pan to Ian in the crowd. Ian is clearly taken aback, his eyes confused, but he’s smiling and clapping, and underneath Anthony can see the small amount of panic in Ian’s face that he’s hiding away.

“Everyone here knows…or should know that Ian’s been my best friend since I was twelve years old. I grew up with him. No one knows more about me than Ian. We split for six years, and then reunited.”

The crowd applause, Anthony earned some whistles. He can’t stop the huge smile on his face. He can feel the support in the room. The camera pans between his face on stage and Ian in the audience, Ian watching in slight wonderment, waiting to see what Anthony will say.

“He’s more than just my best friend. He’s the most important person in my life. So, there is no one I would like to dedicate this award to more than my wonderful, handsome, amazing boyfriend Ian Hecox.”

Anthony feels tears prick at the corners of his eyes and he quickly wipes them away with his sleeve before he hefts the Streamy up over his head, like a victor with their trophy. The crowd around them is quiet for a second before it erupts in laughter, in cheers, in applause.

The camera is on Ian and he’s stunned, biting back a smile, ducking his head, his face pink.

“So, thank you. This is for you, Ian. I love you,” Anthony says. He gives an awkward bow at the mic and MatPat is there to pull him into a hug as the music plays to transition him off the stage.

“Wow, bud,” MatPat whispers into his ear, “I’m willing to bet you’re going viral right about now.”

Anthony glances out at the crowd, at Ian, before he turns and heads off stage to re-take his seat.

“He’s worth it.”

Backstage they take a photo of Anthony holding his Streamy award before they send him back to his table during a ‘commercial break’. Again, people in the crowd pat his arm, his back, give big smiles, yell congratulations, only a few of them whisper and point, but Anthony pays them no mind.

He finds his table, he finds Ian. Ale and Zoe pull him into a tight hug before Anthony turns to face Ian. He really isn’t sure how Ian might feel. They had talked about being out in the past, and Ian seemed open to it if Anthony was, it was always just that Anthony was too afraid, wasn’t ready, had every excuse in the book to not go through with admitting that between the past and the present their dynamic had taken on a new and romantic form, and that Anthony couldn’t be happier about it.

“Are you pissed?” Anthony asks, as he takes his seat, setting the award on the table between them.

Ian’s mouth is a flat line, but he shakes his head, “No, not pissed. I’m surprised as fuck.”

Anthony shrugs. “I didn’t want to pretend anymore. I wanted everyone to know exactly what you mean to me.”

“You fucking sap,” Ian says fondly. He takes Anthony’s hand, not under the table this time, but on top of it. Their fingers laced together atop the pristine tablecloth. “You do realize this is going to blow up and it’s all people are going to talk about?”

“I’m sure Twitter and Tumblr are aflame right about now,” Anthony says with a laugh, “as long as you aren’t mad at me for publicly outing us then I don’t really care what anyone else thinks.”

He’s spent too long doing that, too long caring what others would say, would think, would write. When all along the only person whose opinion he should have cared about was right in front of him.

“I know you hate PDA,” Anthony begins, “but the Streamy award winner would really like to kiss his boyfriend right about now.”

Ian smiles, huffs out a laugh. He glances around and there are eyes on them. He sighs.

“God, consider yourself lucky that I love you,” Ian says before he leans in, Anthony meets him half-way and they kiss, light and sweet over the table. Anthony can feel Ian’s smile against his lips.

[femmmie]

Ian throws Anthony a surprise birthday party

Such a timely prompt :D

I decided to combine this fic with this promt:

The Best Day Ever

November thirtieth, 1987

June seventeenth, 1984

September sixteenth, 1987

Ian never had to think about these dates. He just knew, from around a month before they were due, to buy a gift and send a card. Of course he would also just call his sister and he'd see Anthony every week anyway. It had been like that for years and years. But the last few of them had been painful.

September sixteenth, 2017. Ian had sent a card and a text. No reply.

September sixteenth, 2018. Ian had sent nothing.

September sixteenth, 2019. Ian had sent a text. Just a 'thanx' in return.

September sixteenth, 2020. Ian had sent a birthday meme. 'lol thanks'.

September sixteenth, 2021. Ian sent nothing.

And September sixteenth, 2022. Nothing.

But now it was August 16th 2023 and Ian was determined to make Anthony's upcoming birthday count for seven. He was pacing up and down his Los Angeles appartement, suddenly stopped and shouted: "that's it!" into the dullness of the evening.

"What's up with Ian the last few days?" Shayne asked Keith at the Smosh headquarters.

They'd barely seen Ian, which had been common but not lately, now Anthony was there too. They peaked into Ian's office.

"He's still on the phone?"

Shayne stroked an imaginary goatee. "He's up to something…!"

Then the invitations started to arrive at people's doorsteps. They were impeccably hand written in gold letters that made you feel guilty of even considering not going. "The Declaration of Anthony Day" was written proudly at the top of each invitation. People would ask each other if they'd gotten one in hushed tones, and soon it was apparent that everyone at Smosh - the cast, the crew, the supporting staff - they were all invited. This was going to be some hell of a party.

And then the day arrived. A dull Saturday morning, Anthony had invited Ian, Mykie and a couple of his close friends for a vegan brunch at his home. Nothing fancy. Turning thirty-seven wasn't a particularly remarkable feat and Anthony didn't want to remind everyone of how hot he was while being the oldest person at Smosh.

The brunch was nice and uneventful, and Anthony was ready to spent the rest of the day quietly but all of a sudden the doorbell rang.

"Did we order pizza?" Mykie asked.

"I don't think so?" Anthony said, confused.

He opened the door and his jaw might as well have hit the floor. Shane Told from Silverstein was at his doorstep, dressed in all black but casual garments, and said matter-of-factly: "Happy birthday Anthony! Are ya comin'?"

"Wh.. whaaaat?" Anthony laughed and looked around, and immediately found the culprit. Ian stood there cheesing like a fool.

"Are you behind this, bestie?" Anthony asked. Ian winked.

Everyone followed Shane down the stairs and then they saw it: a sparkling monstrosity of a party bus. It was already packed with people!

"Oh my god, Jenna? Justine? Ryan! Natalie?!"

It was like the bus was filled with the year 2005. Anthony loved it. All these OG youtubers he'd not seen for ages. All of them greeted him with hugs and kisses and giggles and there was wine and champagne, and Anthony's party entered the bus as well and they drove off into downtown LA. When they arrived, Anthony saw they were at Rahel Ethiopian Vegan Cuisine, one of the best vegan restaurants in the city.

The owner of the restaurant greeted the party at the door and said "In honor of Anthony Day I have prepared you the most delicious foods! Please come inside."

"Anthony Day?" Anthony wondered aloud, and Ian laughed.

The evening was simply wonderful and Anthony saw so many people he almost got dizzy. But the night wasn't over: Ian's phone rang and he said "Hey Anthony, it's for you!"

Anthony picked up the phone, and he saw his mom in her home, together with Ian's mom who was apparently visiting.

"Hello dear," they said in near unison. Anthony was on the verge of tears.

"Hi moms."

They exchanged some sweet words and congratulations and when they hung up, Anthony dived in to hug Ian.

"This means so much to me, Ian."

Ian smiled mischievously.

"What are you planning now?" Anthony said mock-accusingly.

"Well, Anthony, you've just eaten the best meal of your life, but not everything can be five stars on your birthday. I've made you something that you must eat, or I will be offended! But I can't promise you that it's any good, or edible at all…"

The chef appeared again and rolled up a cake with thirty-seven candles on it.

"You made the cake?!" Anthony asked Ian, with a quiver in his voice.

"I sure did buddy. You know the last six years I haven't gotten you a proper gift or anything. I want to make good on that."

"Oh Ian!" Anthony hugged him again.

"Alright, alright," Ian patted Anthony on the back but he smiled widely while he did it.

To be honest, the cake did taste mediocre, but Anthony didn't mind at all. It was all the more proof that Ian had actually made it himself. He ate a whole chunk of it, and it wouldn't have mattered, all the other things. Just this cake alone, and Ian, those were the best gifts he could have ever gotten. Anthony was blissfully happy. When he went to sleep that night, he croaked to Mykie:

"I love Ian so much, he's the best friend in the entire world."

"I know you do honey," Mykie replied sweetly. "I'm so glad you're finally back together. You've been so much happier, and that in turn makes me happier."

Anthony hugged her under the blankets.

"You're such a hugger, I love it."

"Come here, daddy wants his cuddles," Anthony joked. But he was so tired that he fell asleep almost immediately after that.

[neoninglitchen]

rainbow sandwiches with myki cards sprinkled on top...

yummy!! delicious snack

[ratnurse]

How do I have three myki cards and failed to remember to bring a single one of them with me when I left the house today

[rianafying]

still here doing my assignment and journaling

maybe the reason i'm avoiding my home is because it represents all the tasks i fail at, and all the things i could lose, that aren't even that great to begin with. like it's an okay apartment at best if im being honest. and i cant find my passport that i need to look for, and my myki card, and what else, im taking a timelapse rn, i was watching a movie that i paused to do this journal entry, if i had some food to eat, i'd never leave this place, im really happy here, doing nothing, maybe what i want to do is nothing. maybe we all work hard so we can rest. how ironic is that? life. what about it? have i ever had a thought truly worth sharing? is that even what matters? shareability? originality? but it feels good to be valued. to be enough. but is it enough just to be enough in the eyes of others? is it enough to be enough in one's own eyes? what is enough to keep on going? i haven't had water in many many hours. i think i am seriously mentally ill. and i have these obsessions. and it's just moments before everyone finds out what a monster i truly am and punishes me for it. it's all i was born for, to be punished and then to be punished some more, for a crime i didn't commit, or for not knowing what crime im committing, it's just such a chore, to keep on living. but hank does it, and so does john, and they have siblings and spouses and kids to live for. i don't and i don't want to either, i want to leave guilt free. free to go anytime i want. i am free to go, im always free to go yet here i am. why. why is everyone still here? they're better people than i am. they're more appreciative of life, more grateful for things than i can ever even try to be. even with my active gratefulness meditaions, most people are better people than i am. because they are better to themselves. i try to be my kindest. things are so complicated, all these letters im tryping into a magic box as i sit in an air conditioned room thousands of feet above ground, looking over at the sprawling metropolis that is melbourne cbd. i create content, i turn it in, i go home, i thrift. what for? make it make sense. make it meaningful. or make it stop. my butt hurts a little from sitting in the same spot for hours. i really hope the light doesn't come back on. it's far too bright and i hate it. i feel like everything's so compkicated. i have to think about how im probably damaging my eye and health by looking at my screen in the dark and not having eaten in 2 days. i feel like we're all collectively moving towards surviving in a perfect equilibrium to the point where any minor inconvenience is enough to send us spiraling on a tangent. people used to hunt and gather before. therewas no stability. all i know now is fear of losing stability. it's all about moderation. about towing the line. not enough and too much. at the same time. i wish someone would love me in a way i understand, in a way that i could love them back. love has no meaning and no place in my life anymore. maybe i need to have one of those moments again, the kind that makes it all worth it. and to remember that. nothing lasts forever.

[pynkhues]

Hey Sophie, I'm going to be in Melbourne soon! Do you have any tips for what to do, see, or eat?

Hey! Ah! How exciting! Melbourne's a really fun city to visit, and I feel really does have something for everyone.

Hmmm, tip wise, I think I'd say:

grab a Myki card for public transport. You can buy these at any news agent, train station or petrol station. Melbourne has a free inner-city tramzone, which is great for getting around the CBD, but you should also take advantage of Melbourne's incredibly good train network which'll open up the broader city to you. A Myki card works on all forms of public transport - buses, trams (for trams outside of the free tram zone) and trains - so they're pretty straight forward.

On that note, the PTV app is pretty useless for public transport (you're better off using Google maps tbh), but it does let you top up your Myki instantly via your phone, which makes it useful. The TramTracker app is very good for trams though, especially because you can type in the number of the tram you're on and know exactly which stops you're heading towards. The logos look like this: (trust the doggo)

Don't drive in the city - it's a layer of hell.

Have a little bit of cash on you. Most places take cards or smart watches, but you'll need gold coins for certain things too, particularly accessing certain gardens or markets.

Pack for all weather. Melbourne's known for having four seasons in a day, and having lived here for almost five years now, it's not an exaggeration. Layering is your friend, and always have an umbrella!

Hook turns are a real thing here, and whether you're driving or just crossing the road, they're worth being aware of.

Places to visit

Melbourne's famous for its street art, and while you can just wander around and observe yourself, doing a tour is particularly fun (and makes sure you see the best stuff!)

Australian Centre for the Moving Image (ACMI) is one of my favourite places to show out-of-towners (although that's probably partly just because it's me, haha). It's a museum of film, tv and games, and explores the moving image as both a form of commercial entertainment and as a form of art. Their cinema is often playing really interesting films too.

National Gallery Victoria is always worth checking out.

Chapel Street is known for it's little galleries, restaurants and indie shops, and makes for a fun day out.

Queen Vic Market and South Melbourne Market are both iconic and for good reason. They've been operational since the mid-1800s, and you can often feel that when you're in them. They can get packed though, so just a heads up.

I love love love heritage buildings and exploring history through place, so will always recommend checking out the National Trust's historic sites in Melbourne. Rippon Lea Estate is a personal fave and only about 20 minutes out of the CBD on the train. They shot parts of Miss Fisher there, and even if you don't get to tour the house (although I recommend you do!) even just exploring the gardens are beautiful.

Abbotsford Convent & Collingwood Children's Farm are right next door to each other and a pretty amazing day out.

If you fancy seeing a movie, my all time fave cinemas are The Classic and The Lido, which are owned by the same family. Either spot is worth checking out.

If you're looking to see a show or performance, you can look for the big ones at any of the big theatres, but for smaller, exciting indie stuff, I'd check out the programs at Malthouse, La Mama, Art House, Meat Market, and Footscray Community Arts Centre,

What to eat

Wellllll, this ultimately depends on your budget, haha, since Melbourne restaurants can run the gamut. Some of my favourite restaurants that are a bit more on the expensive side but great for a special occasion:

Maha's probably my favourite restaurant in Melbourne? It's modern Middle Eastern cuisine and their seafood in particular is divine. It's a set menu, and like I said, a little exy, haha.

Mabu Mabu is modern Australian First Nations (Torres Strait Islander) cuisine and is very good! They sell some of their own sauces too, and I highly recommend snagging their pineapple hot sauce! It's also very easy to get to, as it's located in Fed Square right next to the Koori Heritage Trust which often has Indigenous exhibitions on (and a great gift store if you're looking for anything to take home)

Chin Chin's - delicious South East Asian fusion cuisine. Again, a little exy.

Transformer - incredible vegetarian restaurant. They do both ala carte and a fixed menu. Highly recommend their fixed menu! They're also very good with dietary requirements, particularly if you're gluten free or if you have annoying allergies for a vegetarian restaurant like me, haha (tomato and eggplant).

Cheaper eats that are also delicious:

A little out in the South Side 'burbs, but Saigon Mamma is my favourite Vietnamese restaurant in Melbourne.

Rice Paper Scissors is good too, as is Chocolate Buddha, Green Man's Arms, and oh! Studley Park Boathouse is a fave. It's beautiful location-wise with pretty standard (but good) pub eats, and they've got a lot of water birds you can feed and boats you can hire pretty cheap ($30 for a kayak, $40 for a row boat) to row along the Yarra River. It's also really close to the Convent + Children's Farm if you fancy making a day of it.

If you're willing to travel a little further out of inner Melbourne, I'd also suggest:

Healesville Sanctuary - the bird show is i n c r e d i b l e. I took my nephews last year and the older one still talks about it, haha.

Mornington Penninsula Hot Springs - Mornington Penninsula is a great day trip from Melbourne. It's only just over an hour drive, and it's pretty stunning. Full of wineries and beachy walks. The hot springs are so relaxing though, and really centring if you need it.

Mount Macedon - home of the Hanging Rock of Picnic at Hanging Rock fame! Plus it's just a beautiful area.

Cranborne Gardens - the Royal Botanical Gardens in the city are beautiful too, but I'm particularly partial to these ones.

Hope this gets you started, and just let me know if you have any other questions!

[3rddimension]

So regarding the phone call at the end of the funeral trailer, who does everyone think that Ian is talking to? Its got to be something big to cap this all off.

It's gonna be someone close to Anthony for sure. Mykie is an obvious choice but i'm actually thinking more of the wild card one tbh.

[mellow-hole]

fuck PTV for making myki cards go into the negatives ? like just let it get to 0 and then make u top up it’s so weird to have a -$5 myki gbfbfhbfb

[tkticket]

myki cards, Melbourne, issued from the system’s inception in the 2000s. Adult cards. The blue design was originally reserved for adult cards only; they later used the same green design as concession cards, but without a concession type marker.

See the full post on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/Ctg353GpEnl/

[fazcinatingblog]

Melbourne is too hot, the Myki gate at Southern Cross wouldn't accept debit cards and I love Mason Cox always and forever

[virtualhell]

I witnessed a ticket inspector check the mykis of two little girls playing games on their ipad idk where their parents were but they were like 8 what are you gonna do fine a child??? I don’t think they know what a concession card is??

[wondergirl]

what's in my baggg tagged by @absoluteconceptofbeauty ^.^ right nowwww it is beautiful vivienne westwood wallet with one million loyalty cards I don't use ever, other purse that has my id+myki, 3 lipsticks and lipglosses (mac creme on ur coffee a burgundy lipgloss and brownish lipgloss), handcream that smells like "mandarin rind, rosemary leaf, cedar atlas", gloves bc it is cold, lip balm lighter nurofen tarot cards :) usually I also have crystals always but they stay in my other bag and I brought a diff one away w me for the weekend <- I swear to every god this is true I leave a little bag of crystals in my other bag for good luck.

tagging anyone :) do this mwah

[psychotic4ghost]

Blood Under The Bridge A story by Psychotic4Ghost

Chapter 1 - Decode The Ghost

TW: Strong Language ♡ Light mentions of alcohol ♡ ♡ Masterlist | chapter 2 ♡ WC: 1.5k ♡ A/N: This has been in the works for awhile now and I'm really proud of how it's turned out so far. My best friend is helping me edit this story and I couldn't be more grateful to her. Sorry for making y'all wait, but without further ado, here's chapter one c:

╰┈➤

Gentle snowfall covered the streets below Mykie Jamison’s apartment balcony. The aroma of the freshly brewed coffee filled her nostrils as she watched the hustle of the night life, cyclists dodged inattentive walkers as they strolled the streets, paying more focus to their phones than their surroundings. Phones; small little devices that the world put all their information into. Credit card details, social security number, loved ones names, the first street they lived on, and more, all at their fingertips. All at her fingertips. Behind her, through the open door of her loft, sat her laptop on her couch, just waiting for her to work her magic. 

Her current hit was a small business, one that had been basically robbing people of their money. Overcharging for a product that was barely worth the price. Mykie’s goal was to rewire the money so she could return it to its rightful owners, but not before taking her cut. She pushed off the railing where she stood, turning on her heels; her chestnut hair flowing in the cool breeze behind her as it settled at the mid of her back. 

Her apartment was decent. The walls were intact and the hot water worked. It was more than she could ask for, especially at the price point. She curled back into her spot on the couch, leaving the breeze a way to sneak past her cracked balcony door. The blinding white lights of her laptop illuminated her pale skin while her jade gaze lasered in on her task. Her ruby red nails tapped away at the keyboard until she heard that sweet, sweet sound of her banking app’s notification. Success. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Another promotion?” one of Mykie’s friends, Joey, asked as they sat at a small high top table in a local bar.

“Yup, I’m on a roll.” Mykie raised her glass to her lightly painted, rosy lips. She had another successful night and had a little extra spending money on hand so she offered to take her friends out for drinks. 

“I dunno how you do it, mate. Three promotions in just two months. But I won’t say no to free drinks.” The blonde known as Mary, raised their glass in a cheer. 

“So, where do ya work again Rose?” Joey asked.  Rose, an alias. The same one written on her bank forms, and any other legal form for that matter. 

“Just some dumb firm. Nothing crazy, desk work.” Mykie made a shooing motion with her hand with a British accent heavy on her lips. While it was convincing, it was far from the truth. 'Rose' might've been born and raised in London for all these people knew but, Mykie was a purebred Scot.

A few weeks rolled by as Mykie droned on with her life; reading new books, trying new foods and upgrading her tech when she could. On one snowy night, she happened to be scrolling through some random Facebook posts about long lost people from her past when a picture of her father resurfaced. She scrunched her nose at the sight of him. He was donned up in his military garb. Typical brown camo with patches littering his chest and shoulders. A British flag next to a Scottish one, SAS, and one that caught her eye, 141. 

Mykie examined the post more. It was private, meaning that she shouldn’t be able to see this photo. She had never viewed it before in her childhood home so, why is it showing up on the internet of all places? "In Loving Memory" was written at the top of the post. 

She hated the fact that he was even given a memorial post after what he did. She tossed the thought to the side and decided to dig more on the 141 badge. After endless hours of scrolling and research, she couldn’t find anything on what the 141 could mean. Maybe it was a squad number? Her father was a captain at some point, just before he was discharged. 

“I shouldn’t…” Mykie muttered to herself. She tapped her chin in contemplation, what she was thinking of doing was beyond illegal. The FBI could end up on her tail if she wasn’t careful. With a heavy sigh, the woman knew she couldn't resist the risk. So, she popped open a bottle of bourbon, cracked her knuckles, and jumped down the 141 rabbit hole.

Bingo.

“Task Force 141…He was a part of a task force?” she asked the empty air around her. More files popped up as she continued to weed through all the information. “Captain Rodney Jamison. Discharged for violent acts in 2009… John Price, promoted to Captain of the 141 in 2011.” Mykie’s eyes scanned the pages about John Price, taking in as much as she could about him. He had a goofy smile and a fisherman hat in one of his photos, the others remained more professional. 

“Soap? Who the fuck calls themselves ‘Soap’?” Mykie exclaimed out loud. “John “Soap” MacTavish. That’s a Scottish name if I ever did hear one.” 

Another name crossed her screen, “Kyle “Gaz” Garrison. Pretty standard I guess.”

Mykie continued to read each person's file until she got to a particularly interesting one. 

Ghost.

All it said was Ghost. No name, no picture, and barely any information. This bugged Mykie. No, it really bugged her. Not having the information after all the time she spent working on this felt like a defeat and despite all she had found, it felt fleeting. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Nights had passed as Mykie slaved away at her computer. She was determined to find out more about this Ghost individual. Even just a name would ease her tensions. But ultimately, the name was nowhere to be found. It was like whoever this person was, never actually existed and was planted here just to mess with Mykie. 

Frustrated, she slammed her laptop shut and threw it onto the couch next to her. She ran her hands through her hair.

 “A run. I need a fucking run.” Mykie pushed herself from her couch and gathered gear for her night excursion. She lived in a small neighborhood in London. It had nice paths for morning jogs and parks for relaxing. Small shops and cafes lined the streets near her apartment with heavy foot traffic of the morning goers hurrying to their jobs. 

Mykie had a route, one she walked when she was too in her head about something. She had taken the path many times before but something felt different this time. Someone felt different this time. There were some people that Mykie would see every time she did this run; older people sitting on the benches by the ponds, the same kids who would play on the playset each morning before school but it was her, the blonde. Every time Mykie would pass a certain part, she’d see her, the same lady with blonde hair pulled back into a bun and a deep blue trench coat. 

Mykie cut her run short, she was too spooked to continue. She doubled back down a path that led to her complex. Quickly, without stopping to breathe, she made it to her front door. 

“Okay, that’s it, I’ve lost my fucking mind.” Mykie ran both her hands through her sweat drenched hair. Her lungs felt thick as she pushed the icy air from them. 

The shower head spilled hot water over Mykie’s shoulders as she replayed her morning over and over in her mind. Was she being followed? She couldn’t have been, she knew everyone in the town and she covered her tracks well enough. The hacker did her best to force the thoughts into the back of her mind as she made breakfast. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Another week passed by Mykie. She was starting to feel uneasy every time she left her apartment because she saw the same woman out of the corner of her eye everywhere she went. In the supermarket, the café, bars, bus stops, and even the library. Everywhere Mykie went, she saw the same lady but always in her peripherals. She started locking herself in her apartment and succumbed to only delivery for her food. But, money was running low and Mykie hadn’t hit another business in awhile. Her mind wasn’t in a working condition for her to do the things she needed to do. 

A quick knock broke Mykie from her thoughts. It was her front door, someone was knocking. She didn’t order any take out or deliveries, so there was no reason for someone to be knocking on her door. Panic flooded her mind as she pulled herself from her bedroom floor where she was sat. 

Her hand wrapped around the cold doorknob in what felt like slow motion. Another quick knock hit the door, startling Mykie as she gripped the handle tighter before twisting it to the left. With a quick tug of the handle it opened only for the same blonde hair and blue trench coat to  be staring back at Mykie however this time, piercing blue eyes stared back. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

[ratnurse]

Tfw you're fare evading on the tram and you lean against the the myki machine and it touches on the card in your pocket

[rianafying]

i’m starving and i’m hungover and i’m in trouble. my sd card got corrupted and i might lose all the work i’ve done in january, which is a LOT of work. i just need to talk to my friends. the timing is bad because they’re either at work or asleep rn. i’m about to throw up.

it’s fine i reached them, after they woke up. spoke to friends, i feel better emotionally. but worse physically because it’s been so long since i’ve had some food. any food. there’s so much shit i need to buy but no money to buy them. i’m scared that one of these days i’ll have to resort to ebegging. i don’t want to do that. because im not even doing that bad but i feel terrible. and im prone to heavily catastrophizing every situation im faced with. somehow i have linked this sd card failure to the downfall of my career that i have worked so hard to build. if you dont have catastrophizing anxiety, you dont know what it feels like to imagine every single worst possible outcome and believe it to be true. but somehow throughout my life, it has been. what i feared kept coming true. but fearing it and being paralysed by it, didn’t help my case. apparently it’s in my brain chemistry to do this and also to have chronic pain. apparently there’s something wrong in my hypothalamus, pituitary gland, amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. they’re are all fucked up and feel wayyy more pain than is ever necessitated. i feel like im spiralling out of control at a faster rate than i can reel it back in. for most of my life ive been getting wounded more than i could heal. and now im limping my way through life, and hating almost every second of it despite trying so hard not to.

i had a full breakdown today, worse than other breakdowns. i feel super defeated. people are being nice to me. somehow that is making me feel even worse. things keep going wrong. there is no escaping tragedy.

day 3 of this same journal entry. i’m officially out of money. even my coins. i have a little bit of usd in my absolute emergency fund, but i really don’t want to have to touch that. i have a week to go before i get paid a bit of money. which will still not be enough because i had to use afterpay to buy some necessary stuff at kmart, and now i have to pay it back. things rlly are tough out here. thinking i should not fix my laptop and instead spend that money like normal. like use it to get by nicely for a while. then what? at what point will i be able to get a real regular job? i found out for sure this month that i can’t make it to work on 25% of days due to my illness. so what work could i do. rlly upset about losing the images on my sd card. i haven’t permanently lost them yet, but, it’s far too expensive to recover. i was considering recovering the data when im in bangladesh but i dont think id trust the data recovery service in dhaka anyway. they’ll probably fail at the task and also ruin my card. things are so wrong rn. my microwave, my pan, my passport, my myki, my financial situation, the burnt skin on my face, my psoriasis and arthritis, my hair situation, my multiple severe nutritional deficiencies and chronic pain, my various mental illnesses, my awful dirty room, my inability to work on any, let alone every, one of these problems. i just get paralysed and bed rot for days. this is officially too much for me. it’s too many things to deal with. i’m not built for even half of this. how can i give up without like kms, like what’s another way to give up? because bed rotting isn’t cutting it. i could really use some help. when i asked for help, my uncle said to visit my friend in sydney, or to visit bangladesh, neither of which is going to actually help my situation, because ill be miserable regardless of where i am, until my problems have been resolved. and both of these things are expensive as fuck, like, what’s a girl supposed to do. i don’t wanna go on a $200 trip to sydney when my sd card requires a $400 data recovery. that’s just the tip of the iceberg that is my situation.

no amount of talking to people, or going on trips is going to solve my problems. which is painful for me to say because i’ve been dying to do something fun for once. not that i don’t have fun in melbourne i do, but that’s cause i try to enjoy work, and romanticise the life i already have. and because im not yet a local local, i can still experience melbourne like a tourist. with fresh eyes. anyway, yeah, im deleting bumble because its stupid, let’s be real im never gonna go on a date w a strangers plus i dont even respond to people because im obviously not ready to actually give this a chance. not yet at least. costar says i let my need for stability stunt relationship growth. but i’m okay with that, or at least i would be if i had any stability. right now i feel like i have the short end of every stick. no it feels like i have no stick at all. the universe or god or whatever is out there is giving me a huge middle finger and laughing at my suffering.

they say that i’m overthinking or that even if there is a problem there’s a solution. what’s the solution to not having enough money to solve my problems? by the time i might have money, these problems will have caused critical damage. what’s the solution to the weight i carry around from never feeling safe or loved my whole entire life. what’s the solution to the mother shaped void in my heart. what’s the solution to the fear of losing my sibling and friends. i cope, and i deal, but it never really goes away. even now as i’ve hit my weekly rock bottom, i’m trying to list things to be grateful for, to see the glass as half full. but i can’t lie, the glass is not half full. i’ve been running on a nearly empty tank for as long as i can remember. even if i somehow manage to get my tank full, there’s like holes in it that can never be permanently patched. i destroy everything i touch, i let down everyone i know, and i keep getting chances. i don’t need another chance. i need a break. i don’t want to prove myself, unless it is to prove that i fail.

i’m told that the broader focus of my life during this time is to clear away built-up structures that have been holding me back. excess is not always abundance. i’m supposed to decide what's worth keeping and what to pass up. apparently my sense of well-being relies on my willingness to seize new opportunities, which is a commendable move for someone who will only settle for all or nothing. “use this moment to streamline your aesthetic by getting rid of excess that no longer gives you pleasure.” this could not be more on the nose. fine i’ll pack some stuff up and head drop it in a donation bin. it will clear up some space in my room too. this might be good. give me some literal and also mental space to work with. also on the nose is “make sure you're not doing that thing where you over-intellectualize your experience, and then convince yourself that you know all the laws of the universe.” okay i get it. thank you for spelling it out for me. maybe now i will finally listen. i’m certainly being spied on. most of life is out of my control but i choose joy.

i couldn’t attend the invasion day protest today because i was on the phone talking a loved one out of killing herself. i shouldn’t feel guilty, it’s not like i had a choice in that scenario. i’m told that in most scenarios, there is no such thing as “fault”. if my goal was to shift blame, i could use all the words in the world to make myself innocent, but that’s not what i want, that’s not what i’m familiar with.

i think that maybe i would like to have a fresh start. i dont know what a fresh start would even look like. to go back in time a couple of years? how many years? at what point was it fresh? go back to when i was born? be born to different people? be a different person? a fresh start to me would be one in which so much is different from how my life is right now, that i don’t know how it would even be mine. this is who i am, all the terrible things that make up, well, me. and a fresh start wouldn’t be me, or it wouldn’t be fresh. i’m stale and im crusty, to the core of my being.

maybe i just need to go on a walk.

[avadacandelabra]

Dream from 23/12/24

I was at the train station. The train was about to come. I needed to top up my Myki. I worried for a second that it wasn’t in my bag but I got it out then I went to the machine to top it up. Someone was in front of me. they didn’t take long though then it was my turn. I felt a bit confused with how to use it, since it looked different and I didn't know how o scan the card but someone was there, helping me, a friend perhaps. My balance was in the negative so I put in $10 but it turned into only $2. I thought should I put in more? No. That'll be enough. As long as I can tap on and make it on the train. The train comes, I board.

I randomly took off and went to Italy. I was there with a group of people I was on a boat, white water rafting. I could see in the distance the town which was beautiful. I wanted to tell Clea that I was in her home country. There’s beautiful water in the distance and I see lovely tower buildings. I don’t think we had expected to be on this boat but here we are. I knew we’d be fine and it was safe and we would make it even though rafting is generally seen as dangerous.

Then I was in a hotel room chilling and we were thinking of what to do that night. I wanted to go into town, to make the most of our time here. In my minds eye I saw the town with it's old 3D charm. I saw an old pharmacy, I thought of call me by your name and how that story had a similar quaint little town. I think the others didn’t want to go out but I was trying to convince them.

How had I managed to get here, to Italy? Did I just take off from my life? Seems like it. I didn’t care about the specifics. It had all worked out.

I was waiting for him to come to work and then he was there and then I had to do something.