#my voice has been broken since at least 2 weeks now…

[ayasenisan1713]

My first attempt at making a song…

[multific]

In the High of the Feeling

Mattheo Riddle x Cat Animagus!Reader

Warning: smut, tiny blood play, a hint of breeding kink

Summary: Much like for many animals, heat season was right around the corner for you as well.

A/N: This one has a little Omegaverse feel to it. I did try and make it different but there are similarities. Both parties are +18! 

A/N: This can be read as part 2 of this piece.

Being an animagus had its ups and downs.

Your loving and helpful boyfriend, Mattheo was definitely a bonus.

He would help with any difficulties or tried his best to help. No one in the school knew, none of the students beside him at least.

It hadn't been that long since the two of you got together and he realized your secret.

This will be the first spring the two of you will spend together and you were... for a lack of a better word, nervous.

Extremely nervous.

You knew what spring brought.

It brought a new start. Flowers bloom and animals... yeah.

It was rare for an animagus to be so tied to their animalistic side. But you were.

And with spring, came your heat.

A week where you would have the strongest desire to have offsprings.

Ever since you hit puberty, the feeling was there, but lately, as you got older, the feeling got stronger.

And now, that you had a boyfriend, you knew your body and mind will go crazy, you needed to stay away from Mattheo and you needed a way to explain this to him to the best of your ability.

But how do you explain to a horny guy that he needs to stay away from you because for once it will be you who wants to have sex all the time? With the purpose of getting pregnant.

You couldn't let that happen, you were too young.

You understood it was only nature, but still... no.

"Babe? BABE!" the yell made you snap back into reality as you looked at your boyfriend sitting across you by the table. "You have been distracted lately. Do you have another man or something?"

"Nothing like that... it's-"

"Is it a cat-thing?" he asked as he popped a slice of apple into his mouth.

"Actually, yes." you looked around, making sure no one was there to hear you. "Spring is coming." you said with a low voice and he made a face then a sudden realization. You hoped he would understand.

"You are right! More Quidditch!" you wanted to slap him.

You pinched the bridge of your nose as you let out a long sigh.

"No." you said not opening your eyes to look at him.

"No? Then what Princess? You have to go home for the break or something?"

"My heat is coming." you said, straight up, since you knew dancing around the subject won't help.

"What's that?" you finally opened your eyes and looked at him.

You shouldn't have expected for him to understand.

"Spring brings new life. Flowers bloom and animals..." his eyes grew big with realization. "Professor McGonaghall said she would give me a potion to keep my... needs at bay but apparently the very flower that you would need blooms after my heat would be over so..."

"I'm too young to be a father." was what he ended up saying.

"So am I. It's nature, unfortunately, I can't do anything with it. I will have the week off, I already spoke with the teachers. I have so many things to do. I just wanted to tell you to please just... for that week stay away from me. I wouldn't be able to control myself and... I wouldn't want to force you."

"First of all, you would never force me. I do understand your point now, but I'm also very curious. Tell me more about it. What happens? Does it hurt? What do you do? Do you touch yourself?" you could see in his eyes he was genuinely interested.

"It hurts, unfortunately, yes. But it's a very different pain from like a wound. I would say it's like a heartbreak and a broken leg at the same time. I always have a little area that I put together so I can stay there. I put soft things... pillows, blankets and- Oh that reminds me, can I borrow a shirt from you? Your scent might help me." he only nodded as he listened, he was more interested than ever. "So, yeah I just... I do touch myself, yes. It helps with the pain. I'm just worried about what might happen this time."

"Why?" he reached out on the table and held your hand in his. "What would happen this time?"

"Well, now I have you. I have a partner and my body knows that. So I'm nervous about what would happen this time."

"I see. I will give you the shirts. Many of them. When does this... heat start?"

"You can't really pinpoint it out, it's like a period but it should be this weekend/next week that it starts." you smiled at him, happy he didn't find it disgusting or anything.

"I will bring you my clothes tomorrow then."

"Thank you." but he didn't know, you thanked him for another reason.

The next morning you woke up with a strange feeling. Your foggy mind didn't even realize what was happening. You found yourself thinking more and more about your boyfriend, more specifically, him naked.

You were thankful that last night you at least build your comfort place on your bed.

Your entire body felt hot and your mind could only think of one thing.

The dirtiest images flashed in your mind.

You only ever slept with Mattheo a couple times, but now it was all you could think about.

How soft his skin was, how you could run your fingers over his scars, letting him know that it was okay.

How he smelled and felt like.

How amazing he made you feel as he just kept rolling his hips with a steady rhythm. 

The images flooded your mind as your imagination ran wild.

You wanted him to ravish you. 

To completely fill you up and have your own litter. 

You were going insane. You let out a soft moan when there was a knock on your door.

"Princess? I brought the shirts I promised." his voice, his nice voice, his intoxicating voice.

You felt your ears and tail pop out, you felt your eyes change.

You were gone. Your most basic instincts took over as you walked to that door and opened it.

He was saying something, you saw his gorgeous lips move. But you were far too gone to hear it.

When he looked at you, confused, you pulled him in and locked the door behind him, you pulled on his hair, kissing him with all you had.

Your cat-like teeth managed to scare his lips as you now tasted a little blood along with the tobacco he always smoked.

Your hands found his tie as you began to take off his clothes one by one.

"Hey, hey, slow down." he said as he pulled back as he laughed a little.

"You have too many layers." you said, not even looking at him as you began to undo his belt. That is when he jumped back, keeping you at arm's length.

"Why are your ears out?" you put your hand on his forearm as his hand was on your shoulder.

"I need you." you said with the most intoxicating voice Mattheo had ever heard. He did hear you say those words before. He did make you say and moan many things but this. this was different.

Your voice was filled with lust.

"Oh shit, this is it right? Your heat. Fuck." Mattheo looked around, he knew, he needed to go. NOW. "I-I have to... go." he said but by the time he finished you were completely nude in front of him. His eyes were glued to your body.

Men are such easy creatures.

"Matty, I need you." you said again as he looked into your eyes. 

"Okay... Okay. I-I have condoms."

"Noooo." you walked over to him, you put your hands around his neck as your mouths were only inches apart. "I need you to fill me up. I want to feel it ooze out."

He grabbed your waist with both hands.

It was all too much for him, he felt himself getting harder by the second.

"I'm so wet Matty, please." he had to gulp, he looked away from you and noticed the arranged pillows on your bed. While he was thinking you took the opportunity to make your final move.

He watched as you walked away from him and towards your bed. With your back to him, you knelt down on the bed and moved to lay down with your ass up in the air. You reached under your body and with two fingers you spread your lips, showing him your wet cunt. Then you moved one finger in and dragged it down, letting out a moan as you touched your clit.

"Please, Mattheo." is all you needed to say as you looked at him with your head on the bed.

He lost.

Thankfully he still had the mind to put on the protection.

"Nooo. No condom." you said but he didn't hear you, his focus was on your pussy. 

He jerked himself twice before grabbing your hips and slowly pulling you back, filling you up.

Just what you have been craving for.

You both let out a long moan as he filled you fully. You were finally a little satisfied, feeling his balls slapping onto your skin as his huge cock filled you up to your stomach.

He started off slow, keeping his focus as he felt your tail wrap around his leg then move up his back.

He needed to have control.

You were in a very vulnerable state. He had to remind himself.

But it seemed almost useless because every time you looked into his eyes, his common sense failed him.

Especially when he felt you beginning to move back onto him with rough movements.

"Fuck." he said as he watched you fuck yourself on his cock. "Shit, Babe." but you were a moaning mess. 

If he was far too gone, you were beyond.

"Wait." he said as he almost came, in his nearing high, he grabbed the base of your tail which made you yelp in surprise. "Sorry." he said, knowing how sensitive it was, he ran his hand up your spine. feeling the curve in which you were laying.

He loved it.

He loved you.

You patiently waited for him to began moving again, and when he did, oh how magnificent it was.

His movements were fast, you were sure his fingers will leave their marks but you didn't care.

All you wanted is to feel him fill you up.

Then he grabbed your hair and pulled back on it a little. The room was filled with the noises of skin slapping against skin and moaning.

His name was all you could say as he groaned and moaned. 

Once again you moved your tail around him as he moved you, laying you down onto your stomach, as he put a pillow under it, raising the place he wanted to reach the most. Your fingers entangled with the sheets as he moved back inside you. His two hands by your side as he continued to ruin your pussy.

"So good." he said. "So fucking good. Look at me." and you obliged, looking at him with your cat-like eyes as he was nearing his end. 

"Matty, I'm close." you said as you started to feel the familiar knot in your belly.

Upon hearing that Mattheo knew he needed to set a pace he can keep so you can cum.

He focused on you and you alone, he moved and kissed your shoulder as he felt you tighten.

"Come for me, Kitten." he whispered into your ear as you came with a loud cry. Or, you would have but he put his hand onto your mouth, he felt your sharp teeth gaze along his fingers but he couldn't care.

You felt so tight, warm and wet.

And feeling you cum around him did the trick.

He came with a small shake and a moan as he emptied himself into the condom. However, his instincts did the trick. After, he made long movements as if he was filling you with his cum. Slow and deliberate movements with his softening cock. 

It felt like heaven.

You finally came to your senses a lot more but when you felt him placing kisses along your spine, you knew he wanted this as much as you did.

You seduced him, but you didn't feel guilty about it. 

It seemed that only for a moment he left you but soon he was laying by your side as he put a blanket over the two of you.

"I could get used to this." he said as you cuddled into his side. "You are so sexy."

"It comes with the heat too, I put off a scent which is attractive for men."

"Nah. It was more than that. You were sexy before. We should have done this earlier, I didn't know you could take it so rough."

"I love you." you said as you closed your eyes, ready for a nap before you need your next round.

"I love you too, Princess. I think I could get used to this. Every year, a week where you cannot keep your hands off of me."

"Two." you said with a very drowsy voice.

"Huh?"

"I have heats twice a year. So, two weeks."

Mattheo looked at the ceiling. 

He knew he will need a lot more condoms, he suspected you will wake up within an hour or so and he needed to be ready.

But he can definitely get used to this.

Twice a year.

Taglist: @fleursirvart @greenarrowhead @thisismysecrethappyplace @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @destynelseclipsa @spilledinkindumpster @capsiclesdoll @puknow @alwayshave-faith @alex12948 @lxdyred  @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @praline357 @trshngyn @avengers-r-us @violet-19999 @top1bbgloak   @manduse   @jacalineiscomingforyou  @mandoloriancookie @noname2246

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

DO NOT STEAL, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS  

[onlyswan]

summary: in which jungkook is giving up on you but you have so much love left to give.

> idol!jungkook x f!reader / angst, fluff, suggestive / wc: 8.3k

> warnings: mention of infidelity (no one did u can breathe ily), mention of a classmate slipping their number in oc’s pocket and oc feeling unsafe, mention of puking, mentions & allusion to s/x, alcohol consumption, making out, boob!e fondle, gr*nding kinda? jungkook is hard™️ they’re so in love it’s sickening

> in which masterlist!

playlist! and if/or when - ruel / hate everything - jungkook cover (gsoul) / hits different - taylor swift / statue - lil’ eddie / i wouldn’t ask you - clairo (i had to get in the zone & this is so oc-coded i need u to listen i’m so srs)

next: in which you don’t want to give up jungkook (even when he gave you reasons to, even if they give you reasons to).

note: this was a journey. happened back in june 2019.!! i’m ripping off the bandaid <3 deep sigh writing this made me realize how my babies have come so far. hopefully will follow up with a fluffy fluff lowkey inspired by the underwear live soonest lols i’m excited for it 2 stay tuned 🫂 reblogs & feedback are much appreciated <3

—

you forgot the walls of the apartment building you’re living in are thin. a small portion of the white paint has been chipped off, it looks like a birth mark, you note — except it’s not, and you’re the one who caused the irregularity.

your favorite glass is scattered across the kitchen floor, reduced to shards and to sparkling pieces almost as miniscule as dust. you don’t know what came over you. you don’t know why you threw it at the wall instead of filling it with cold water to only drink three sips like you usually do.

just when you thought you’ve been faring well in holding yourself together today, a fresh wave of sorrow overwhelms you. your knees buckle as you begin weeping, the loudest you’ve been since this nightmare has started. it swallows the knocking sounds at your door, but it’s still not loud enough to quell jungkook’s quivering voice playing like a broken record on loop inside your head.

“we should end this… i think it’s for the best, before we get drained.”

the rain is coming down fiercely and you’re freezing inside his car, parked outside your apartment. after all, his balenciaga windbreaker can only do so much against the blasted airconditioner. your throat is painfully dry, and your hands and face are numb from the piercing cold. but those are the least of your concerns because you feel like your head had just been dunked in ice water. the sting in your eyes are burning warmer as the seconds fly by and the muffled sounds of the torrential raindrops drum frantically in your ears. they’re clouding the car windows, mirroring jungkook’s tear-stained cheeks.

“i’m leaving again in three weeks. and i’m leaving again next year… and i’ll be gone again soon after that for a long time. i-i don’t know when i’m coming home, ___.” he pauses. the heel of palms press against his eyes, as if that could possibly barricade the saltwater leaking from them. “i never know where my life is taking me and you have your own… there’s too much-too much going on. i think that i’m just wasting your time, that this isn’t- it’s not going anywhere.”

“open the door! hello?! ___!”

“what do you want?!” you seeth in annoyance, swinging the door open to reveal your pesky neighbor.

he scratches the top of his head awkwardly at the sight of the mess that you greeted him with, having not bothered to pretend that you weren’t wailing your heart out.

”hey, i know you’re going through something…” his lips remain parted as he struggles to find the correct word, his right eye twitching voluntarily. “soul-crushing? right now. but i heard glass breaking and i was concerned that you, uhm, might’ve hurt yourself.”

the apparent nervousness and sincerity in his actions pull you out from the isolating disassociation you’ve imprisoned yourself in. you feel humiliated, presenting yourself in your most pitiful form infront of a kid two years younger than you. you envy him for having it together after storming out of his parents’ house while you-

“i’m not hurt. it was just an accident.”

you’re shamelessly lying infront of his face because the truth makes you feel too ashamed of yourself.

he only nods, smiling in relief. “i don’t know how to help make you feel better, so i just brought honey like i used to do before.”

you sigh, the familiar jar of honey and its red checkered lid waving at you like an old friend. has it been a year?

“bro, i told you i can’t accept this anymore.”

“you and your boyfriend already broke up. what’s the big deal?”

you have never wanted to smack someone more, the genuine confusion painted on his face feels like an infuriatingly harsh slap to yours.

“he wasn’t threatened by your honey, you dipshit. we just found out my blood sugar was getting a bit high!”

“oh- i’m so-”

you angrily slam the door shut. the silence you’re left with is suffocating, and you find yourself breaking down again.

he jumps in surprise when you open the door again, yelling- “and we’re not broken up!” before ripping away the jar of honey from his sweaty palms. he’s left completely flabbergasted, an inexplicable heaviness weighing on his chest when he hears your sniffling from the other side of the hard-wood.

“does that mean i can deliver again next week? i have too much in my kitchen…”

he doesn’t receive a snarky answer, surprisingly, so he continues talking.

“and f-y-i, your left cheek is bleeding! you might want to check on that!”

—

“you didn’t even give me any signs…”

you inhale a deep, shaky breath in a fragile attempt of keeping your composure. you want to scream, rip apart this thick tension with your bare hands, and force him to admit that this is just some kind of sick joke. you finally see him in person after months and all he has for you is a gift bag filled to the brim with heartbreak. this is too casually cruel, not something you would’ve expected from your jungkook.

“do you really mean that? or is there something else you’re not saying…? look at me.” you plead, weakly tugging at the hem of his long-sleeved shirt. the horrors of long-distance relationship stories claw their way out of your skin, adding fuel to the fire of your deepest fear. “you didn’t cheat on me, right? that can’t be it. we- we always-”

after you ended your last relationship, you cried at the parking lot of your university and continued living your life the next morning as if nothing happened at all. you did it all for yourself, anyway. he was gradually tearing down your confidence and your dignity; and you didn’t want to become a person the future you would despise for not being wiser, stronger.

and here you are at present day: spending the cozy sunday night solving chemistry problems on your desk. you have a blue bandaid plastered on your face and a cheek full of fruit and honey. and you would say you’re fine, but jungkook wasn’t here to sweetly dote on you while treating your wound. he isn’t here to taste the honey from your lips with that coquettish smirk of his. he isn’t laying on your bed, fighting to stay awake because he wants to fall asleep with you as his pillow.

no matter how hard you try to shut out this thought, it keeps knocking on the door. he’s going to be doing these sweet nothings for a different person when he finally reaches a more stable place in his life. you want to kneel on the ground, beg the heavens to meddle with destiny and never let you hear about it.

because that means he will never set foot in your apartment again, and the personal belongings you left in his room will be thrown out to erase the traces you left behind.

so this is how it begins.

the ugliest parts of you are swimming to the surface, tying themselves around your ankles because jungkook took away the ground from beneath your feet after unearthing your soul and… nothing makes sense to you anymore. if you wake up every morning to tend to your garden, and you look outside the window to learn that the sun has stopped burning, what do you have left?

your lips inevitably curve into a frown, but you inhale a sharp breath, patting your eyes dry before they can smudge the black ink on your notepad. and then you dip a strawberry in honey for the third time.

—

“no, baby, no- that’s not it.”

the dread and insecurity weaved into the cracks of your voice fill him with nausea and panic. he captures your frigid hand with haste, firmly holding it to his pounding chest.

“i would never do that to you. just the thought alone fucking disgusts me… you’re the only one. you’ve ruined me for everybody else.”

“then why are you giving up on me? am i becoming a burden?”

jungkook feels painfully numb, mind floating as the buildings outside the window get left behind him as a mere, passing blur.

“yah, jungkook-ah. are you crying?”

a torturous moment of silence passes as he struggles to find his voice. his tongue is tied, and his lost eyes are betraying the nights he spent practicing how to explain himself to you. back then, the reasoning he curated made sense. but faced with the consequences of his actions, the love of his life’s brain running a thousand miles per hour, recording a tale of woe and heartache on his passenger seat — he has never felt this much loathing for himself and his weaknesses.

you release a shaky breath, patting his rosy cheeks dry with your sleeves. you smile at him kindly, and he watches you in sheer disbelief. he can’t fathom the perpetual luck he’s been blessed with that he met, who he believes to be, the purest soul to grace this corrupted world. they’re damp with your tears, so it’s practically useless, but the sweet gesture is a stray beam of sunlight in the midst of the dull gray clouds.

the comforting rubs on his shoulder extracts him from his torturous thoughts, and only then does he feel the wetness on his face.

“you’ve been holding it back for the past week. just cry it out.”

he nods wordlessly, hiding himself in the fleece blanket from his lap. yoongi can feel a lump forming in his throat as he witnesses his youngest brother breaking down, jungkook’s pain also being his pain. as a group who’s been living together for the past decade, no one will be able to empathize with them as well each other. especially during times like this.

“___ hasn’t called?”

jungkook shakes his head wistfully, wiping away the tears that slid down his nose. he is dying to send you a text message, worried sick, and still used to hearing about your day the same way he is used to sleeping on his stomach.

“hyung,” the sound of the word borders on a sob. “it’s over. this is killing me… it’s all my fault.”

“but isn’t that what you wanted?”

“exactly. so why am i crying?” his hands ball into closed fists. “i’m an asshole.”

“enough of that!” yoongi loudly whines out his scolding. ”we all know you had your reason.”

“but, hyung, i fucked up!” he tenses up, blurting out the acknowledgement that’s been haunting him day and night. “she told me the most romantic thing and i felt so… fuck, i’m so angry at myself. i ruined everything. and i’m scared that i’d end up making things worse if i try fixing it.”

“stop beating yourself up. we can’t solve things this way.” yoongi grabs a bottle of water from the cupholder between them, twisting the cap open before handing it to jungkook. “drink first.”

once he starts drinking, he realizes that his throat has been awfully dry and sore. it’s most probably best for him to rest his voice. he can already foresee the concert rehearsal being absolute hell tomorrow. if he can’t sing, he doesn’t know how else he’s supposed to keep himself sane.

“talk to me. what did she say?”

“you’re the first person i’ve fallen in love with, do you know that?”

and with that revelation, he loses the warmth of your touch, and he comes crashing down like a wingless aircraft.

“i also need time to think about it. that’s only fair, right? that i get to decide, too…?” you swallow thickly, lips parting as if the words are resisting to come out of your mouth.

he looks at you with an emotion you can’t name, a push and pull between longing and trepidation.

if this was a movie, he would brave the rain and somehow perfectly deliver a poetically romantic speech that would sway your heart. if this was a movie, you would take a warm bath together, make out in the bathtub, and make love on your bed. if this was a movie, the day would end with the two of you tangled up, peacefully asleep and rhythmic breathing in sync. but he knows you. apparently not as well as he thought, but to some extent, he knows you. if he pulls you closer in the heat of the moment, you would feel suffocated and defensive and you would push him away; and he would lose you for good. that much he knows. so he lets you leave and he stays in the car— heartbroken, crestfallen, and regretful, because he might’ve just recklessly thrown away the best gift the universe has ever given him.

“i was thinking about how she never would’ve made this much sacrifices and efforts for anyone else and i feel like… i- it’s all going to waste because our future is uncertain. i can’t be committed to her as much as she is committed to me. and, and i felt like the guilt was eating away at me, you know? i wasn’t thinking straight.” jungkook chews on his bottom lip, a last ditch effort to prevent himself from sobbing. “it just… consumed me? like i was drowning… and all i could smell and taste was the saltwater.”

“i see,” yoongi sighs, crossing his legs and intertwining his fingers infront of his stomach as he finds the right words to say. “that’s a normal response. our brain is a very complex friend… but you know, everything i’ve been through as myself and as a part of our team, hmmm, they taught me that there are times when a problem doesn’t necessarily need a solution per se. you just keep going until the fog clears up and then you move past it.”

fuck, jungkook needs a glass of whiskey. or two. or twelve. he listens intently despite seeming like he’s spacing out.

“this won’t last forever and time slips away from us without us even noticing. you should do what you want to do. if we’re going to deprive ourselves of good things, what will we have left after everything is over? money we can’t spend in one lifetime? there’s no happiness in that.”

yoongi frowns, wishing he could do more to alleviate the weight hanging on jungkook’s shoulders.

“you deserve love outside all the noise, too. focus on the present which you can still control and deal with the future when it arrives. if you do otherwise, you’ll just be tormenting yourself… and i know it’s easier said than done but! do you want to hear something i’ve had on my mind lately?”

with a flushed face and swollen eyes, he tilts his head to curiously spy on his hyung.

“what is it?”

“your motivation to work out after our shows is so you can stay awake and spend time with her. that’s why you fall asleep everywhere else. do you know how scary and endearing it is to watch that? is that what you call ‘not being committed enough’?”

yoongi fails to hide his gummy smile, body vibrating with silent laughter as pictures of jungkook falling asleep standing up flash before his eyes.

“seriously, you punk! you scare me! i just pass out and die straight after while you- really, you’re really unbelievable. i envy you. for being able to love with everything you have until they break your heart. i mean it!”

“but i’m the one who broke their heart this time.” jungkook somberly utters in defeat, bottom lip jutting out and chin quivering.

yoongi encouragingly pats his shoulder, shaking his body lightly. ”you can make it up to her. she’ll reach out before we leave. have some more patience.”

jungkook’s eyes turn into slits, suspiciously squinting at the man sitting beside him. “why do you sound so sure?”

“because she loves you. why else?”

—

you automatically pause from eating cup ramyeon when your phone lights up on top of the journals you’ve been reviewing for the past hour.

“ah, shit! shit!”

you abruptly cover your mouth with your hand, exhausted eyes watering because you accidentally bit your tongue after reading the name of the sender of your newest text notification. you take sips of cold water, peering at your phone as you do so. your hands itch to type out a response, but the screen dies and turns black, another of yoongi’s messages in the same pile of unanswered ones from your friends checking up on you tonight. you can’t talk to anyone right now; you need to get shit done.

after eating your dinner at the convenience store, you come home to a plastic of fried chicken hanging on the doorknob of your front door.

Eat lots and stay healthy! I’m feeding Jungkook well too. Don’t worry. — Yoongi

you peel off the blue handwritten note, sticking it on the cover of one of your books. you carefully carry the food using your free hand, and you can feel it radiating on your skin, the heat of a freshly-cooked meal. you were always worried of being a bother when you occasionally ask him how jungkook is doing on tour, but this made your heart significantly lighter. gaining a good friend after losing your lover, perhaps life can show a smidge of mercy when it wants to.

too bad you’ve always been one to be greedy.

—

“ah, seriously. why did you have to break up with ___?”

“we’ve been through this a million times!” jungkook exclaims in exasperation as he fiddles with the controller, bumping his knee with taehyung’s. “focus. you’re supposed to be helping me forget.”

“i don’t remember agreeing to that.” taehyung responds with a shrug, smirking when he picks up a booster and runs past his friend’s character. “you finally found someone who could put up with you and you let them go? i won’t let you forget.”

jungkook scoffs, eyes rolling upwards. “bro, i should be the least of your problems.”

“nuh-uh.” taehyung tuts with a grin, belly aching with laughter when jungkook’s car jumps over his to steal the lead. he didn’t even know that was possible. he plans on using the same trick against him later. “i’m making you my biggest problem so i don’t have to deal with mine.”

“they’re not married yet. you still have a chance, you know?”

“yah!” he gapes at jungkook in shock, entirely forgetting about the game. “take that back!”

“don’t act like you haven’t thought of it!”

“yeah, but i don’t say it out loud. it sounds too wrong! i still have my morals left!” he cries out, stomping his feet on the floor.

jungkook lightly punches his arm, eyebrows pinched in confusion. “i meant you have a chance if they break up. i have morals too! what do you think of me?!”

“oh…” taehyung blinks. “you know who else have probably thought of that too, though?”

“who?” jungkook boredly questions as he scrolls through the game collection, contemplating about which one to play next.

“all the other people waiting in line for ___.”

the realization renders him motionless, stirring up the possessiveness coursing through his veins. for the love of god, he doesn’t want to be petty but that struck a nerve. he wants to storm out of the house and look for you, beg on his knees for you to take him back.

“aish, hyung, you’re driving me crazy! why would you tell me that? are we torturing each other?!”

“are you crying? yah, jungkook-ah.” taehyung watches his hunched figure with a guilty wince, hesitant hands rubbing the expanse of his back. “i’m sorry- i’m sorry… do you want a hug?”

jungkook stays quiet, head hanging low to hide his face crumpling with anguish. the loose but affectionate hug that he gets pulled into prompts him to fall apart, catharsis blossoming in his ribcage and turning his bones into jelly.

he hears obnoxiously loud sniffles, and he abandons taehyung’s shoulder to look at his face. “are you crying, too?”

“stop ruining the moment.” taehyung groans, forcefully pushing down his head again.

namjoon comes out from his bedroom in search for another extension cord, still sipping on the half-empty iced americano he took from the fridge only ten minutes ago. the heartfelt scene on the couch causes him to halt on his tracks. how did they go from playing games to crying together? he silently observes the two members for a moment before deciding to approach them.

“what am i going to do with the two of you?” he grunts, ruffling his hair in frustration. “shall we go out for drinks to disinfect your wounded hearts?”

the mention of alcohol makes them perk up, jungkook’s tearful doe eyes sparkling at the prospect of temporarily erasing the pain that has uncontrollably spread throughout his system. he wants to drink until he forgets that he has hands, until he forgets what it feels like to touch you.

“thanks, monie-hyung. i’ll have my appetizer.”

and the iced americano gets snatched away from namjoon’s unsuspecting hand within the blink of an eye.

—

“this is not a barbecue restaurant.” you stare blankly at the orange neon lights spelling out the name of the night club your friends secretly conspired to bring you to.

“___, loosen up! the fastest way to move on is to find someone else. this is the best place for that.” aera turns around from the passenger seat of the taxi, her red lips painting a thrilled smile. “just forget about jungkook. we all knew this shit was going to happen. i’m surprised you even lasted that long!”

“i don’t know what you’re trying to imply but i don’t appreciate your tone.” you warn her with a sharp, threatening look. “and the ‘someone else’ that i found at a bar before turned out to be biggest fucking jerk i’ve ever met. i’m not doing this again.”

“things might be different this ti-” mi-ran aids in persuading you, but it only adds fuel to the fire.

“oh my god! fuck off!” you yell in irritation, aggressively getting off the car and slamming the door shut on their faces.

you never look back, ignoring the shouts of your name and half-assed apologies. you don’t have the slightest idea about where you’re going — your feet have a mind of their own and they chose to go the opposite way of home. this isn’t how you envisioned your night. you just wanted to listen to the sound of the meat grill and complain about life giving you a taste of true love just to cut your tongue with it until you bled. was that too much to ask?

you’re about ninety percent certain that you just lost two of whom you treated to be your closest friends. you think of ah-young, and you briefly consider crashing at your best friend’s band practice, but you’re too exhausted to travel to the other end of the city.

with eleven seconds left in the timer, you cross the street with swift and long strides alongside a crowd consisting mostly of employees wearing the same navy blue uniform. at last, you’re among the bright and lively restaurants, the inviting smell of good food making your stomach sting with hunger.

it’s only taehyung who recognizes you when you unknowingly pass by, almost choking on his glass of somaek, the combination of soju and beer. with his career on the line, he is confident that he can recognize that balenciaga windbreaker anywhere and anytime. meanwhile, instead of talking about you, the youngest is drunkenly reminiscing about the alleged ghost encounters he had in their old dorms. their leader is tragically left to tend to the grill alone. he deeply regrets not dragging any of the older members with them.

“everyone, i think i just saw __-”

a grimace of cluelessness is plastered on taehyung’s face when jungkook claps once, enthusiastically pointing at him as if he just announced something inspiring and life-changing.

“you’re right, you’re right! that’s it! what i’m kind of trying to say here is…” he pauses, facial muscles relaxing into a gloomy expression. he sniffles and rubs his nose, making it a brighter shade of red. “when we move houses again, i won’t have stories like these to bring with me. the new ghosts will be my memories with ___.”

none of the other two dares to speak after that, the oddly satisfying sound of meat being grilled and the chattering from other tables occupy the uneasy and heavy silence. instead, they begin filling their own shot glasses with pure soju. namjoon is the first one to spill it down his throat, slamming it on the table before dishing out his phone from his pocket. by this time, all of them are already drunk, double vision blurry and speech a little slurred. they gave up on counting the green bottles and cans of beer a long while ago.

“shit, that was a good metaphor. i need to write that down.”

“namjoon-hyung, he’s crying again!”

jungkook’s head slumps on the table with a thud, hot tears escaping down to his temple as he laments. “i miss her so much. why did i have to break up with her the second we got home? why…? am i so impulsive? what do i do if… if she agrees that we- h-how am i supposed to live with myself after that…? i’m never going to love again.”

they shuffle apprehensively on their seats, but still, they tell jungkook what he needs to hear since he won’t remember tonight’s events, anyway.

that’s not going happen. she just needs some more time. i’m sure she’s missing you too. everything will be okay.

but it’s been almost two weeks of radio silence. their flight is in nine days, drawing nearer and nearer as if it’s purposely taunting jungkook. everyone is thinking the same thing, and everyone is afraid to say it out loud.

—

it’s 7am when his work alarm goes off. with a disgruntled noise, a hungover jungkook drowsily drags himself out of bed, eyes still closed as he swings the bedroom door open.

“oing?” he creates a noise of confusion when his arm bumps against an object. he blinks at the brown paper bag hanging on his doorknob, removing one of the handles to peek at its contents.

he buffers for a moment, staring blankly at his belongings safely tucked inside. there’s his black mini bluetooth speaker, tinted lipbalm, wired earphones, bucket hat, facial cleanser, moisturizer, and shampoo. these are everything he left on top of your study desk and in your bathroom. neatly folded on the side is his windbreaker, which he recalls as clear as daylight, how you reveled in its comfort the last time that you were together. the fabric softener you use has replaced his perfume, the cherry scent forming a rain cloud of nostalgia and longing above his head.

if this is a nightmare, he is begging for somebody, anybody, to break into the room and to bring him someplace where hope is not desolate.

his wounded heart, as his namjoon-hyung described, is experiencing an excruciating pain he never even imagined was possible. he now understands, why the broken heart syndrome is a real thing.

he can’t read you. is this your way of ‘reaching out’? have you kicked him out of your house, out of your life? for good?

the dread of losing you forever is gnawing at his insides. nausea almost succeeds in knocking him off his feet. his brain hisses with static. he panics at the disgustingly familiar sensation brewing in his digestive system, sprinting to the bathroom to spill out his guts.

they say that you don’t realize what you have until you lose it. that early morning, jungkook realizes that he’s only a human being after all.

—

“when did i put that there?”

you’re sorting out your dirty laundry after showering when you notice a tissue paper tucked in the front pocket of your denim jeans. you huff out a sigh, ripping it apart into tiny pieces over the trash bin with raging vexation. you will never understand how men thinks that these kind of stupid tricks are supposed to compel you into seeing them anywhere near attractive and desirable in your eyes. if anything, they make you feel unsafe and if your paths cross again, you will run the other way. great. another person in the lecture room to avoid. just fucking great.

at this point, you want to mockingly laugh at your own misery. just when you thought your day couldn’t possibly get worse, it fucking does.

you tuck yourself in bed by midnight, texting a friend about your joint presentation next week, and then rereading your conversation with namjoon from this morning for the nth time. you’ve been hoping it will shine light on the right path to take, because you’re still lost and hurt.

Namjoon:

he’s been devastated since

can’t this be sorted out?

stuff’s just been overwhelming and honestly i’m as anxious as him

i'm not trying to force you into getting back together with him ofc but please talk for closure atleast..

you’re also my friend. i think you need it too..

you scroll a bit further down afterwards, and your heart drops to your stomach when you see the three dots under the contact name ‘my jungkook’. you click on it as it beckons you to, only to allow time to flow like a river with no sea to kiss, idly watching the bubble appear and disappear, appear and disappear. almost everyday, you catch a glimpse of him at the very least, typing a message and never sending it.

the same goes for tonight, it seems.

his silence is torturing you. in the car, in your inbox, in your call history. a person knocks on the door and a part of you foolishly predicts that it’s jungkook not using his copy of the key out of respect.

you succumb to the yearning, heading to your shared media and files that you’ve been actively resisting for the past three weeks… for this exact reason.

you randomly click a video sent by jungkook three months ago.

“i know you’re in class but i’m too excited to show what i got you today!” he beams at the front camera, bunny teeth cutely showing. he picks up the first item from the hotel bed with his free hand. “you already own this book but this one got a different cover, see? it’s hardback? they say it’s a limited edition.”

he eyes it fleetingly, obvious that there is something else he is dying to mention.

“i won’t show it too close. you can look at it when i go home. there’s a little surprise inside.”

he scrunches his nose before teasingly sticking his tongue out.

“and then here we haaave-”

following that, he shows you an adorable fluffy white bunny with red eyes. it occupies more than half the screen, and without a doubt, it is soft and huggable.

“cooky’s new sibling! we found it at a gift shop and hobi-hyung said it looks like me.”

he presses his cheek to the bunny’s. “i accept. we do look alike, but my eyes are so much bigger.”

in the upcoming seconds, the video is muted except for his breathing. he plops down on the bed while ruffling his dark hair, staring at the camera wordlessly, evocative of when you catch him dreamily watching you study while you’re on a videocall.

“i miss you.” he smiles sadly, deep dimples appearing on his cheeks. “don’t forget to text me when you’re on your way home.”

he drops on his back, the firm mattress breaking his fall.

“mmmwah!“ he kisses the camera, and your screen freezes on the final frame.

the silence in the aftermath is defeaning. you tear your glasses off your face, burying your face in the pillows. you arrive at your final decision then and there. you don’t care. you don’t care. you don’t care anymore. you cannot bear to spend more of your days like this. his things that used to live here might be gone, but you look for him everywhere. you look for his car in the parking lot. you look for his hair when you see flowers. you wait for his name to be called in the coffee shop. on your way home, you linger at the playground where you used to usually meet.

because if your relationship with jungkook is truly doomed to fail, you want to watch its foundation collapse on the ground, burnt down to gray and black ashes that disintegrate when you try to grasp them in your hands… with good grace, it’s the only way for you to believe that there’s no more home to come home to.

with a trembling hand, you press the call button and for the very first time, you beg someone to stay.

—

jungkook’s breathing ceases, heartbeat violently racing in his chest. the ‘chimes’ ringtone tickle his ears, his phone vibrating incessantly in his hands. the two features he specifically customized in your contact settings so he will immediately recognize that it’s you who’s calling.

it’s been four days since you dropped off his things. and here he was, laying on his bed and struggling to find the right words to say because he refuses to believe that this is how it ends. the paper bag is still hanging on the doorknob. he hasn’t touched it since the first time. he doesn’t have the courage to do so.

fuck giving you space. he wants drown himself in you and never come up for air. he’s more than willing to suffer your anger or your coldness. he’s prepared to prove himself worthy of a second chance every second of every day. he wants to occupy half of your desk and half of your closet again. he selfishly wishes to be the first and the last person you fall in love with.

but until the very end, you’re the braver one.

“love?” your voice is quiet, barely audible, but it’s there, and he hears the affectionate term of endearment distinctly. “i’m sorry. i tried, i really did, but i couldn’t do it…”

“baby,” he falters breathlessly, half of him in disbelief, convinced that he has officially lost his goddamn mind and delusion is bleeding into reality.

“i tried living without you like you wanted- but i can’t-” you hiccup in between small sobs on the other line. “i love you, jungkook. i can’t live carrying around all this love with me. it’s too heavy…”

exploding and breaking apart, jungkook’s heart is a meteor that has entered the planet’s atmosphere, and he doesn’t know where to begin digging for the fragments so he can piece himself together again.

“we are too young and we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing and i love you too much. you don’t have to protect me… i’ll take my fair share of the responsibility, so just-” he hangs on your every word, and then you pause, your following words eliciting a powerful punch to his gut. “just let me love you and let me learn my lesson the hard way… let’s do that, okay?”

the walls of him room ebbs and flows in like the sea. he rests his forearm over his eyes, his skin gradually dampening with tears. he once promised himself that he would never put you in this position. he should be the one begging for forgiveness, repenting and crawling on his knees. but rather than wasting his time with surfing through another tsunami of self-blame, he reminds himself: i want to be a better man.

“okay, baby. let’s do that, hmm? let’s do that. it’s what i want too.” he coos softly with a hoarse voice. “are you at your apartment?”

you hum in confirmation, sniffling. “come home.”

—

a half-naked jungkook abruptly opens the door to yoongi’s room, wearing gray sweatpants with his left arm awkwardly inserted in one of the black t-shirt’s armhole.

“hyung! can i borrow your car? mine’s getting a check-up.”

yoongi tears his eyes away from the computer, hanging the black headphones on the nape of his neck. he merely shrugs before throwing the car key, and jungkook catches it in one hand with ease.

he sighs in relief, politely bowing his upper body to express his gratitude. “thank you, hyung.”

“what are you doing?!” yoongi half-smiles with fondness, jokingly waving him off. “just go- go. leave!”

—

jungkook nervously stands before your front door, head woozy with anticipation and fear. what if things have changed? what if your relationship never goes back to the way it was?

“oh. you’re back together?”

he whips his head back to find your neighbor arriving home from his part-time job. huh, he just realized that he has never really learned what his name is. the only information he has on him is that his sister owns a bee farm.

“how did you even know?” he asks with knitted eyebrows. “you haven’t been giving out honey again, have you?”

“she only accepted it once.” the stranger puts his arms up in surrender with a roll of his eyes. “and don’t make her cry again, will you? she blasts sad songs late at night.”

and with an unpleasantly forceful shut of the door, jungkook is left alone in the hallway. his jaw clenches as he glares at the next apartment, but he rubs his face to release his frustration before he goes to meet you.

“we need to move in together.” he grumbles to himself as he enters your unit, relocking the door behind him. he removes his sneakers, neatly setting them down beside your pairs of shoes by the doormat.

he pads on the wooden floor with his white toe socks, looking around the dark and quiet living room. a faint orange light is seeping under the gap between the floor and the bedroom door, which he recognizes to be your favorite mode on your multi-colored nightstand lamp. he cautiously cracks the door open, and he is instantly greeted by your curled up figure, peacefully sleeping.

it’s muscle memory when he hangs his backpack on the backrest of your study chair before anything else. he also brought the paper bag you sent, putting it down on the floor.

he squats down infront of you, lightly prying away the phone you’re hugging to your chest and placing the device on the bedside table. the light is shining over your skin, and there are a thousand of photos and videos organized into the most treasured folder in his gallery, but not a single one of them will ever do you justice.

god, he missed you so much. it hasn’t been two years, but the life he had before he met you feels like an extremely distant memory.

he sighs, talking in hopes that he appears in your dreams. “how do you do this? you make it impossible not to love you.”

he unconsciously frowns at the sight of your puffy eyes. never again. never again. never again. he chants inside his head. he plants a kiss on each of your eyelids, taking his time to bask in the feeling of your weight under his lips.

he climbs on the opposite side of the bed, tucking you underneath the blanket before securely holding you from behind with his thigh hanging over yours. the warmth of your body and the scent of your shampoo cures the headache that’s been bothering him the whole day. he drifts off to sleep soon after.

—

the feather-light brushes through the silky locks of his hair pulls him out of his slumber half an hour later. he can make out your silhouette through his half-open eyes, the little-mermaid-like scene feels too vivid for a dream.

“why didn’t you wake me up?” you whine, sulking with a pout.

“i’m sorry.” he answers quietly, sitting up to engulf you in a tight embrace as endless apologies tumble from his tongue. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry that i gave up. i’m sorry that i hurt you. i’m so sorry… are you angry at me?”

“i’m upset.” you admit after a few beats, not seeing the point in sugarcoating it. “it hurts when i remember you saying that. and i understand you but… but i don’t like that you decided alone for us. if you do that again… then it will be over between us.”

he has an arm wrapped around your waist, his other hand firmly holding the back of your head. it’s a little hard to breathe, but it’s so reassuring to feel that he doesn’t want to let you out of his embrace. because you hated it — hated how it felt like letting you go was so easy.

“i regret everything. i’m sorry.” he whispers, concealing his tears by nuzzling his face on your neck. “and you’re not a burden. that’s not true.”

he knows that you mean your every word, so he lifts up his head to gaze directly into your eyes, showing that he is as sincere and true to his.

“from now on, all i’ll think about is what i can do to make you happy and safe without compromising our relationship… i’ll do better. i’ll love you better. i promise that i’ll be stronger for us. i won’t make the same mistake twice.”

you wish jungkook could be kinder to himself, treat himself with the same gentleness that comes so naturally with you. why is it that humans find loving themselves so laborious? why does being have to come with such a curse?

taking glimpses at the past, you should’ve been reminding him of these affirmations everyday.

“you don’t have to be strong all the time. i’m not asking for that.” you shake your head, voicing out yourself in a tone so soothing and illuminating. “i don’t want to go anywhere far away from you so think of yourself, too. i told you before, it’s okay to hold on to me. i’m also strong.”

jungkook feels so safe at home. he doesn’t remember what he was so worried of anymore.

“and you know what? if you really see it that way, then i’m telling you now. i want to waste my time on you. you can’t stop me.” your threatening eyes widen in conviction, provoking a sheepish smile to tug at the corners of his lips. “i always get what i want.”

“and you want me?” he innocently points at himself.

“love you.”

“i love you.” he replies, nosing at your neck before leaving a chaste kiss on your skin. “so much.”

“then put yourself in my shoes.” you hum, combing his hair with your fingers, lightly tugging to initiate eye-contact. “i want to take care of you just like how you want to take care of me. i think we have something rare and beautiful…” you pause, self-conscious about coming across as too needy now that you’re face-to-face, but an epiphany shatters your apprehension with a bow and an arrow.

this is what he needed to hear from you that day.

“so stay with me.”

jungkook’s vision becomes unfocused. he’s speechless; the only sound in the room is the humming of the airconditioner, but it’s almost as if you can hear the gears of his brain working their hardest. the pain that glossed his enchanting doe eyes has been replaced with a devotion you’ve never seen expressed so passionately in them before.

“all the time i own is yours.” he declares, cupping your face, the pad of his thumb daintily stroking your cheek. “all of it. we can do anything you want to do. let me make it up to you.”

“anything?” your face lights up with joy and mischief, and the butterflies in jungkook’s stomach come alive. he wants to make it his life’s mission to make you smile everyday; and that, he will do. “then i want you to kiss me.”

the sultriness of your enticing voice makes him go haywire. it’s been too damn long. he has forgotten what it feels like to kiss you. he slowly inches closer, his lips brushing against your lips before he pulls you in deeper, a fervent display of his yearning and apologies. he swallows the needy moan that escapes you as he slowly lays you down on the mattress, stripping off his shirt and mindlessly tossing it somewhere when you impatiently tug at it with another whimper. you cage his face in your hands, bringing back his lips on yours as if he’s the air that you breathe.

he wants to grieve for all the wasted time because everyday, he craved for this. to be honest, he forgets his name when he’s kissing you. outside, the crowds scream his name for being the best at what he does best, and he happily lives for the euphoria of it all. but in this room, there is only you and him. you communicate using the unspoken language of love with your lips. you bare the soft animal in yourselves with your teeth sinking in the other’s skin. you allow your rawest desires and truths to unravel with a slip of the tongue. he exists beyond his name, becomes an indecipherable enigma even to himself. what is the use of an explanation if there is no meaning anyway? all he knows is that he loves you despite all the reasons, against all the reasons.

he sneaks under your shirt, fingertips teasingly exploring your skin as if he’s drawing a map. he feels you quiver when he finally reaches your chest, gently kneading the soft flesh in his palm. this makes you mewl in pleasure, arching your back as your hand unconsciously curls around his wrist, the cotton fabric separating the two of you. the action electrifies jungkook, makes him lose himself a little more, which he didn’t think was still possible.

“touch me, please- jungkook. need you-” you choke out a desperate whimper, nearly sobbing as you guide his hand between your thighs. you can’t bear to spend another second untouched; the last time you made love feels like an eternity ago. he slips past the waistband of your underwear, the only article of clothing you’re wearing below. but to your disappointment, he gently caresses your hip bone instead of dipping his long fingers into your wetness.

“shh, hold on, baby-” he forces himself to break away from the kiss, swollen and red lips glistening with spit. “baby, look at me. you didn’t drink, right? i don’t want to take advantage.”

you gape at him with your chest heaving up and down, dumbfounded. “how could you even think of that right now?”

his eyes widen in panic, worried that he might’ve offended you. “no, no, no-” his palms skim your thighs, guiding them to wrap around his slim waist. you gasp when he presses up on you and his hard length rubs on your folds, sending jolts of electricity up your spine. a gush of arousal dampens the thin material covering your center.

“i want you so fucking bad that it hurts.” he gingerly wipes away the tears that you didn’t even notice streamed down to your temples. you can’t remember the last time you cried before today, they must’ve gotten tired of asking for your permission. “but you were crying when you called, baby. i had to make sure.”

“oh, my boyfriend is such a gentleman.” you muse dreamily. pepper his face with delicate kisses, lips curving upward with an adoring smile. “look at him enjoying my kisses.”

you playfully squeeze his cheeks together, making his pillowy lips pucker.

“you really wanted to break up with me in this case, huh? you wanted to live without me and my kisses? no way.”

his eyelids flutter open, and he shakes his head as he dips down to kiss you. “it was hell without you…” his teeth captures your bottom lip, nipping at the supple flesh. “going to build a life with you. i’ll build furniture, and they’re going to be ours.”

“good. you better.” your high-pitched giggles bounce off the walls as his lips trail down to your neck, licking a bold stripe over your ticklish spots. “i don’t have the patience for it, but i’ll be your trusty assistant.”

it’s ridiculous, how even the sound of your laughter turns him on even more.

—

jungkook learned that you finished your exams yesterday, having spent majority of the past two weeks pulling all-nighters to prepare for them. you seem to be confident about the results, the way you talked about it without concern. he never once doubted that you’re resolute and persevering, but acing your exams in the middle of a breakup is beyond what he can digest. it must’ve been a grueling experience, he can only imagine.

he presses a sweet kiss to your forehead, and then your lips, before dragging the blanket higher over your naked figure, a thicker one he brought out from the cabinet. poor thing, you fell asleep on his lap while he was drying your hair, incoherently murmuring about how tired you are.

he walks to your study space, fixing the loosening towel wrapped around his waist. one by one, he pulls out the items from the paper bag, returning them to their old places on your desk. he toothily grins at the windbreaker, ecstatic due to his plan on wearing it at work today. he wants to give it back to you smelling like him again.

an index card lands on the ground when he unfolds it, making him peer down in curiosity.

“what’s this?” he mumbles, bending down to pick it up.

jumbled thoughts. a letter shoved at the back of the mailbox. a hesitant confession. a bittersweet reminder that says: a wound does not magically disappear overnight. it requires the proper treatment to heal correctly, and even then, it might still leave a scar.

These are only a few of many. Why is this the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do? I’m usually the more logical one. Was it really so bad that we weren’t going anywhere?

and messily crossed out at the end,

I miss you.

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask / dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

[reverseexorcist]

★ 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 ★

Wow just realised this entire time my asks have been off woopsie ●_● Should be fixed now.

Anyway, since y'all went feral over this dynamic (and I can't blame you), here's more of Carmilla with her adopted fallen angel child.

I know I said part 2, but I'm honestly considering making this a sort've slice-of-life series seeing as I absolutely love this dyanmic and I'm having some serious brainrot over these two.

Part 1 ↫ Right Here

➲ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 Carmine + !Fallen Angel!Reader

➲ Romantic ☐, Platonic ☒

➲ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 Count; 3,662 Words

➲ Warnings/notes; Female reader, somewhat depressed reader, minor mentions of gore, sleep deprived writing, potential ooc Carmilla, mother mode Carmilla increased

Getting used to your new life required more effort than you ever thought was ever needed. Getting used to living in hell was a chore in of itself, and quite a tedious one, and getting used to the new family you now found yourself surrounded by only piled on a tad more stress.

Unlike heaven, the land below was almost always swathed in some sort've darkness - There was literally no day night cycle at all and it was fucking with your head. Your poor circadian rhythm was completely thrown all over the place when three in the morning was just as bright at two in the afternoon. Not to mention the smoke ever present in the air. You weren't sure which you hated more between the two.

(Probably the air. You actually liked it when you breathed and didn't hack up a lung.)

It was a lot, especially when you were getting used to your new wingless life.

(Which sucked, by the way. Every time your fight or flight response kicked in, you found yourself straining your back muscles trying to lift off with nothing to support you and it made you want to cry every single time it happened.)

However, all of this was way better than what could've happened had Carmilla not saved your life. Your back still ached and the phantom pain still tortured you at night, the feather-fluff nubs of your old wings only served as a painful reminder. As much as you hated to admit it, often times you'd spend the entire night longing for the newly comforting touch of your adopted mother figure…

Wow. That felt weird to admit. That and a whole lot of other repressed emotions and memories.

You groaned and sighed, clutching your head and threading your fingers through your tussled bedhair. Your back muscles flexed, the sound of rustling feathers muffled by the mattress. The sensation was weird enough to make you 'gwak', roll on to your stomach and faceplant into your pillow. It was more natural that way, anyway - When one has wings it was rather difficult to sleep on your back, afterall, at least after your first growth spurt. You never thought you would miss the feeling, but you fought to find any silver lining in your new life. And in a world that was mostly shades of red, silver was quite a luxury.

Your somewhat depressing quiet time was broken by the gentle tapping of steel carefully approaching your room.

"Mi peque?" You didn't have the energy to jump, already having heard the delicate 'tink' of Carmilla's pointed shoes against the hardword floor of your new home. Her silhouette took up most of the doorway, the faint light spilling in from the hallway making the angelic steel decorating her body glow, much like the warm lull of her crimson eyes. Your head tiltied to the side to stare at her, but otherwise you made no movement.

She blinked once and ducked her head to step into your room. If you were, well, you from about a week ago, you probably would've been shitting bricks at the sight. It was lowkey terrifying, mostly because Carmilla was so much taller than you and had the expression of a constantly pissed off commander or something. However, it didn't scare you - Mostly because your worst nightmare had already come true.

"Can't sleep?" Her voice was soft, something that completely contrasted her outward exterior. It was soothing, though, and you found yourself not caring when she settled herself on the end of your bed.

(Your new bed. Your new bed that you could, for once, comfortably stretch out on.)

"Something like that," You mumbled, practically whispered. Your eyes glowed much like Carmilla's, like a mischevious cat from your spot hidden under your multiple blankets. "It's, mm, weird. Sleeping by myself."

Her eyebrow quirked, a silent invitation to continue if you wanted to. Maybe? Emotions were still hard to read for you.

"Well, because I'm used to sleeping in the barracks with the rest of my platoon. It's apparently really comforting, seeing as I haven't had a good sleep since I got here," You grappled your blankets a little tighter, as if doing so would provide you with some sort've phantom comfort that you secretly longed for.

A breath of silence hung steadily in the air, as if both your minds were churning on what to say next.

"I'm sorry."

"M'sorry."

You both said at the same time, which seemed just a little cliche. Slinking out from underneath your covers, you couldn't help by eye the demon across from you warily.

"Why're you sorry?"

"Because, I'll admit, I'm a little rusty," She reached up and untied her buns, letting her hair loosen and tumble down her back. "It's been a while since my girls were young like you-" You scoffed, which prompted an amused smirk "And it's not like I know anything about taking care of an angel."

"Well, you're doing better than what they were doing up there," You blankly motioned upwards where the pearly gates shone brightly in the sky like a constant sun. "Plus, I'd say you're dealing with me as gracefully as you can."

"Elaborate?" Carmila carded her fingers through her hair, tilting her head curiously. The mountain on your shoulders threatened to stumble, and by god you were ready to let it fall.

"Well, it's not like any heaven-born has parents. Heaven was always all about equality and shit, and every single child was raised by the community. And yeah, it was all rainbows and crap because everyone was loved mostly equally, but it sucked because I was always just another nestling that someone had to keep an eye on," You brought your knees up to your chest. "That's why, when the lieutenant gave me her offer I didn't refuse, cause I thought 'wow, someone noticed me!' and it was a feeling I chased ever since."

It felt nice to let it all out for once. Not like anyone else around you back then really cared, cause they all went through the same thing.

Beside you, the covers rustled. Carmilla opened her arms wordlessly, minutely enough that if you didn't want to, you could probably brush the motion off as stretching. But, the warmth the she radiated was sorely tempting, and your little serotonin deprived brain was severly touch-starved.

Wow, four days into your new life, and you found yourself snuggling into the arms of one of Hell's overlords. And, sullying the lord's name, by god you loved it.

Not a single word had to be uttered between the two of you, not as long as you didn't want it. That was the silent message that you both clearly understood.

It kind've made you want to cry, if you were being honest with yourself. In a place that had seemingly been perfect, you found your life lacking, and in the burning pits of eternal damnation, you'd found yourself feeling loved for the first time since you could remember. The way Carmilla's hold around you grew tighter, just ever so slightly - A comforting weight draped across your shoulders as you leaned into her warmth. That, along with her mellow breathing, it felt homely and nostalgic.

Tugging your blankets a little tighter around yourself, you didn't even fight the way your eyelids drooped.

Two weeks.

It felt like a lot longer, but you'd been living in hell for fourteen days, and it already felt like you'd been living here for months.

Well, it certainly didn't help that you never really left the main house. Like, ever. And you, for one, weren't complaining. The burning pits of Hell left much to be desired, and as a little angel who hadn't even had her first adult moult yet, you didn't really fancy going galavanting off around Hell, even if Carmilla was hovering over your shoulder like a helicopter parent.

Still, after the first week where you'd discovered and explored all the places that you were allowed to (the allure of the armory was great, but the potential wrath of an angry demon was greater), there wasn't really anything to do around the house. Sure, it was probably one of the safest places in the eternal firepit, but neither Carmilla nor Clara and Odette were ever really around, and it left you bored out of your mind.

Sprawled out across a rather decadent couch, soaking up the hellfire from outside, you found yourself wishing that something would happen that would hopefully prevent your mind from rotting further. But, if the big man from upstairs was paying attention, he surely must've hated you, because literally nothing was happening.

Unless…

You sat up, straining your ears.

Nope. Absolutely nothing.

You flopped backwards dramatically, back of your hand against your forehead and all.

Maybe, if you still had your weapon, you could've spent your time training or practicing or something. There was a training room somewhere in the house, and you weren't explicitly banned from using it, and it wasn't exactly a useless way to spend your time.

(At least that way you'd be able to get some reasonable exercise in rather than just moping around all day.)

Maybe that was something you could ask Carmilla later. She wasn't the type to be against learning self defense, however you had no idea if even she deemed yourself too young to learn how to fight. She certainly was not happy when she found out about how you were sent to fight with baby feathers still warming your wings, that was for sure.

At least you had something to talk about when she got home.

…

"You want to learn how to fight?" As expected, Carmilla didn't seem entirely thrilled at your idea.

"Not necessarily. Just, how to use weapons?" It was more of a question than an answer, but it seemed to ease the tenseness in her shoulders.

"What type of weapons? Swords? Spears? Firearms?" She fixed you with a look. "If you want to get started, the first thing you could do is be a little more specific."

Which was certainly not the answer you were expecting, so you took a few moments to blue screen.

"Well, I wasn't too fond of using spears… Swords don't sound to appealing either…" Your eyes started drifting, and soon you found that your real answer was right in front of you.

"If possible," You wrung your hands nervously, "could I use shoes like you do?"

Honestly, Carmilla's unique fighitng style had piqued your interest ever since your head became clear enough to notice. Having your hands free sounded more appealing than lugging around a heavy blade.

The demoness paused for a moment, completely silent as she studied you with a stern gaze. It wasn't negative or positive, if anything it was most likely calculative. You weren't entirely stupid, even if you were young, and you weren't naive. Carmilla was weighing the pros and cons of teaching you her trade.

"Why? They aren't exactly easy to use," That wasn't a no, at least.

"I don't like melee weapons, not hand-held ones at least," There was more to your answer that Carmilla already knew. Months of cycling through weapons till you landed on one you could somewhat use you realised that you absolutely hated using hand-held weapons.

Carmilla sighed, a small smile appearing on her face.

"Okay, but it's not like I have spare angelic steel laying around. We'll have to wait till I can melt more down," She mused, almost seeming excited about crafting you your own weapon. But her words only confused you more.

"But, we do, don't we?" You furrowed your brows.

"The steel in the armory is meant for prepaid orders-"

"I was talking about my old helmet," You hoped that didn't sound too rude, interupting her. "I mean, the entire thing is is technically angelic. I don't know if it's steel exactly, but I know for a fact it's just as solid!" Now you were the one musing.

Like mother like daughter, almost.

"We could certainly try…" The two of you shared a look.

"Like… Right now?" You prodded almost mischeviously.

Tired as she was, Carmilla couldn't help but falter and smile, your enthusiasm almost contagious.

"Well, we can have a look."

After that it was only a matter of days. Carmilla was far more invested in your new project than you had expected, and even Clara and Odette had briefly joined in, if only to get a sneak peak at the workings behind an exorcists helmet. For the briefest of moments, with all four of you crowded around a table with tidy plans sprawled all over its surface, it almost felt like you were a family. Which, did prompt a stray thought in your head.

After gently pulling the threads of angelic steel from the rivets in the helmet's horns, you couldn't help but bundle them to your chest. They weren't exactly big, nothing compared to the horns of a full fledged exorcist, but they were still something.

So, while your mo-… Carmilla was busy melting down the odd, almost obsidian material of your old helmet in preparation of your new shoes, you were busy tinkering away with your own little side project. Of course, it was hard to explain the various little burns marks littered across your palms that had started appearing, but that didn't deter you one bit.

In fact, during this time, you found yourself shyly approaching the taller of Carmilla's other daughters, Odette.

One thing about her that confused you was the fact that her horns were fake, merely attatched to the band that held her hair up. But right now, that was exactly what you needed.

It was a sweet sight, honestly, at least to Carmilla.

You were huddled against Odette, listening with rapt attention as she explained something to you, finger brushing against what was most likely some sort've plan.

With a smile, Carmilla got back to work.

At the end of it all, you were left with a pair of shoes similar to the overlord's. Pointed and shiny. Sharp and deadly, yet oddly comfortable. The only key difference was the colour - Forged from the scrapped glass of your old helmet, the shoes were jet black inlaid with threads of silver, trailing all the way up the ballet ribbons.

And with your shoes, a matching set of your own horns. Odette seemed proud at the sight of you with small, obsidian horns branching from your head, unable to stand still as you clutched your new weapons to your chest gleefully.

There was a massive learning curve to your new weapons, but at least you weren't bored around the house anymore. Most of your time over the next month had been dedicated to learning how to move around in your new shoes, building both the strength and balance so you could walk, let alone run. So many bruises had been blemished into your skin, but in the end you were able to walk almost as easily as Carmilla did.

(Of course, the demoness had way more experience under her belt, but you were still doing pretty damn well.)

And during that time, the bond between you, Clara and Odette had only grown. Sure, they were only around as much as their mother, but after donning your horns, it seemed whatever barrier that had been built between you and the sisters had been torn down. Seeing as the two could also walk en pointe like their mother, many a helpful tip had been shared from them which served to get you walking faster.

It was endearing as it was funny to watch.

But, being couped up inside all day everyday was starting to wear you down, which was certainly starting to show with the way your pep had slowed down significantly.

With a heavy heart, Carmilla finally unleashed you on the world outside, accompanied by Clara and Odette.

In reality, you were just tailing behind the sisters on one of their usual deliveries. This way you could stretch your legs and practice on terrain other than the smooth floors of your home, which, while it was more difficult, was learnt within no time.

As dreary as the place looked, there were certainly sights to see around ever different corner. You'd found yourself tempted to wander off every five minutes or so, especially when you passed by a rather bright looking… hotel? The entire vibe seemed friendly and inviting, unlike the rest of Hell, but you really didn't fancy getting lost, so sticking close by Clara and Odette was the most sane option in the moment.

Or, at least that was the plan.

Really, with your head on a swivel trying to grasp every sight and sound (which you regretted not a moment later) you'd lost sight of the sisters and found yourself completely by your lonesome.

Which… Fuck.

That wasn't the most ideal position, especially when you really couldn't do more than walk in your new shoes, but they couldn't have gotten far, right?

You were wrong. Turning either corners of the street yielded no Clara or Odette, which only made your heart sink further into your stomach because you really didn't fancy getting cornered in an alley.

Backtracking, you tried your hardest to think. Perhaps, if you could find your way back to the hotel, someone there could help you? It was wishful thinking, because this was Hell after all, but the aura was so different compared to the rest of the ring of wrath that maybe, just this once, luck would be on your side.

But of course, since this was you, luck was mercilessly right out of your reach. Not a moment later, a rambunctious howl pierced the air and a group - a pack? Of hellhounds started approaching you. Which, y'know, wasn't good, especially with the way their ears were pinned back and grins plastered across their faces.

Oh shit.

You started speed walking away, or your best attempt at it, in what you hoped was the direction of the hotel. Down in the streets without either of your guides, it all seemed like one continuous labarynth of red, LEDs and very questionable stores. And, as it turned out, lots of dead ends that you could easily get cornered in.

With the blood thrumming in your ears, heart pumping in your chest loud enough that it shook your head and just the general sense of 'oh shit I am so fucked', you really didn't pay attention to whatever the hounds were spouting off about. Lots of snapping of teeth and snarls, some crude gestures that made your gut twist anxiously and your feathers rustle nervously.

(You were seriously considering using a shoe as a knife. It wasn't like it was impossible with how sharp they were.)

At least, that was your train of thought. Until a resounding bang pretty much deafended you, echoing a chorus of ringing in your ears as the middlemost hound collapsed, head exploding with the force of the bullet that lodged itself firmly within the back of his disintegrated skull.

With dramatic timing, the others peered over their shoulders, only to be met with the towering, thoroughly pissed off form of Carmilla Carmine.

The barrel of her rifle was tinted with holy silver, but she seemed perfectly happy and prepared to behead them with a well placed kick. Whichever worked, you knew Carmilla prioritised your safety over the method of execution in the end. And in the end, the alley was scattered with various corpses in various states of limb loss, and you were carefully toted away in the arms of Carmilla.

She was furious. Probably. Maybe. You couldn't really tell. her face was completely stoney, and you were still awful when it came to identifying emotions. You assumed most of the anger had been taken out on the unsuspecting assholes that had cornered you. And for some reason, that only made you more anxious.

Not being able to tell what she was thinking was off. Back in Heaven, you could tell when Lute was pissed off, or proud, or indifferent, or whatever other emotion she was feeling at the time because she didn't really give two shits about what the recruits thought of her. And at least that way you could prepare on how to react. If she was angry, you knew to stay out of her way. If she looked indifferent, you knew you had to work harder in training. If she was proud, well, also best to stay out of her way so you didn't ruin her mood.

You whimpered and huddled a little closer. Carmilla clutched you a little tighter.

"Are you alright?" She finally asked once you were close enough to home that is was mostly just her employees around the two of you.

"Please don't be mad at Clara or Odette. It was my fault for getting lost," Was what you went with anyway. Carmilla shushed you gently.

"I'm not mad, I just want to know if you're okay."

Which completely threw you off. But you just went with it.

"M'fine. You got there before they could do anything," Those words seem to put her mind at ease, her shoulders visibly untensing as she exhaled a long sigh.

She hugged you, closer and tighter to her chest as if scared you were about to disappear from her hold. And you could only return the gesture, sinking into her comforting warmth. It made you feel small, almost like a little nestling on her first trip out of the nursery, but you found that you didn't really give two shits in the moment because you felt completely, wholly safe right where you were.

"Mi peque, mi querida, mi corazón," She uttered softly, "never wander from your siblings again."

Despite the firm tone, you could feel the care dripping from her words. You sighed and relaxed.

"Of course, mother."

Rules + Info,

Masterlist,

[unemployedhockeyfan]

Not All Breakups Are Equal Pt. 2

Summary: Lando and Eloise deal with the fallout of their friendship after Eloise left Lando standing in his Monaco apartment.

Warnings: angst I guess and I'm pretty sure just one swear word

Notes: Hi! Thanks for the support on part one!! Sorry it took a few days for this part. I write for my adult job, too, so sometimes I'm just a little too worn out to write after work.

[2.33k]

Part 1

The days in New York are easy. Daily life is just fast enough that I don’t even have the opportunity to think of the friendship breakup that’s constantly trying to pull at my heart. 

Days are nothing compared to nights. 

New York has seemingly earned its title of “The City That Never Sleeps.” I wish I could say it’s because I make my nights as fast paced as my days, but that would be one of the biggest lies I’ve ever told — second only to all the years I told myself I didn’t love Lando… At least not that way. 

My nights are filled with little to no sleep as I toss and turn in the bed squished into the tiny hotel room. All that fills my brain is his smile, his laugh and the look on his face as I walked out the door of his apartment. 

I never want to forget the smile or the laugh, but that last look is one I wish wasn’t burned into my brain. 

It’s been three weeks since I last saw or talked to Lando. He’s since won his first race in Formula 1. 

A race I wasn’t there for. 

I was supposed to be. I had a pass and in all honesty, I could’ve still shown up. If I did, though, I would’ve fallen back into the same pattern as before. The people-pleasing nature of my personality would’ve come out and I would’ve continued to let Lando’s new girlfriend talk ill about me. 

My mind was overflowing with the memories I had of watching Lando celebrate in Miami while I sat 1,200 miles north. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep tonight. At least not anymore than the three hours I had already barely managed. 

As I rolled over to grab my phone off the nightstand, the cheap digital clock was shining 3:30 a.m. 

“Hm, Max is probably up by now. I can call him,” was the initial thought that crossed my mind. 

Max wasn’t necessarily thrilled when he found out that my plane ticket landed me across the Atlantic Ocean, but he got over it relatively quickly when he found out I had friends from university in the area. 

It took a while, but the line finally connected, welcoming me to one of the most comforting voices in my life. 

“Eloise, long time no hear.”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. I’ve been busy.”

“Really? Or are you just lying to me?” Max always seemed to be able to read my mind, no matter how much I wished he couldn’t.

“It’s a half lie. The days have been busy, the nights are just restless.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

The silence lasted for a few moments too long. It allowed Max just enough time to steer the conversation in a direction I was trying to avoid. 

“He misses you, Elle.”

“I saw his win in Miami. He looked happy. I couldn’t help but watch.”

“He wanted you there.”

I know Max is telling the truth. He has no reason to lie, and I know that truthfully Lando didn’t want me to leave his apartment just over a month ago, but I did. 

“You should call him, not me.”

“It depends, Max” 

“On what? Whether or not he’s broken up with his girlfriend?”

“Actually, exactly that.”

“I thought you told him you were OK if they were dating as long as she was nicer to you,” Max pushed back. 

“I am, I just don’t think she’s capable of changing in just a few weeks.” 

My voice was getting louder and I didn’t really want to take my anger out on Max. He hadn’t done anything wrong — maybe just pushed the wrong button or two. 

We sat in silence, the only noise being our breathing on either end of the line. It lasted well over a minute before I let out an exaggerated sigh. I was not only going to come clean to Max, but to myself as well. 

“Max, it's just… It’s hard and it hurts,” I said as my eyes slowly started to leak fresh tears. 

“I know, Eloise, I know. I don’t think anyone is expecting it to be easy for you or for him.”

“No, Max, I don’t just mean distancing myself from him. It’s hard to even be around him nowadays when I see how he treats other girls when all I want is for him to treat me that way.”

The pause in the conversation was deafening. With the phone pressed to my ear, I waited for Max to say something, to say anything. 

“Max?”

“Well, it’s about time you admitted it to yourself,” he said with a rather large chuckle.

“Stop, this isn’t funny.”

I was laughing too, though. I couldn’t stop. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the fact that for the first time in a month I felt comfortable in my surroundings, but I laughed for a good three minutes before Max’s voice finally came through again. 

“You sure do laugh a lot for someone who thinks this isn’t funny!”

“Can’t help it right now.”

“I mean, I am pretty funny,” Max said with an audible smug look on his face.

“Yeah, yeah, well, looks aren’t everything.”

“Good one, Elle. I’m going to hang up on you so you have to call him.”

“I’m not going to, I need more time. Plus, he’s in Montreal right now, it’s 3:30 for him, too, and I’d imagine he’s asleep.”

“You’re stubborn, you know that, right?”

“Hm, I learned it from you.”

“Get some sleep, Eloise. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Maxy. And, I promise, I’ll call him eventually.”

It was nearly two months later before I decided it was finally time to talk to Lando again. Of course, by that point, I was well past sleep deprived between restless nights in New York and changing time zones as I returned home to the United Kingdom. 

With my brain barely functioning, I decided the best bet would be to not call Lando, but show up in Austria at his next race. I had all the passes I needed to show up thanks to both myself and Lando thinking this falling out was never going to happen. 

I managed to avoid all the areas I knew Lando would be during the days leading up to Sunday. I saw and anxiously watched as Lando raced Max for the lead. I sat and nearly cried as I watched Lando’s race come to an end just laps shy of yet another podium. 

Lando is hard on himself. He holds himself to a level that’s nearly impossible to reach, and I know his mood after this race will be anything but stellar. He’s bound to be angry, and I start to fear what his reaction will be if he sees me. 

As I stand lost and confused in the paddock, I hear my name being called by maybe one of the few people who could make me smile at this moment. 

“Eloise! Elle, is that you?”

I whip my head around to see a smiling Daniel Ricciardo jogging my way. Before I could even respond, I’m wrapped in the embrace of one of my favorite members of the F1 world. 

“What are you doing here? Does Lando know?”

“I’m assuming he’s clued you in on what’s happened?”

“Just a little, don’t know all the details.” 

“Um, yeah, well he doesn’t know I’m here. Really, I don’t even know why I’m here. I should probably leave. There was part of me that wanted to talk to him, but after everything that’s gone on just today, it’s probably best I make myself just disappear. I don’t want to make this any worse than it probably already is for him.”

“Eloise, you’re rambling.”

I couldn’t help it, I was nervous. I was standing in front of one of Lando’s former teammates and just steps away from the McLaren garage. 

“Do you want me to call him and get him down here? I really don’t think you off all people could make this moment worse for him”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Call him.”

Lando must’ve answered quickly, but it seemed to take some convincing from the Aussie to lure Lando out of his driver’s room. Eventually the word was that he was on his way down. 

I wouldn’t let Daniel leave. I couldn’t let Daniel leave. Just over a minute after Daniel had hung up the phone, I heard a voice that I’d been missing for months. 

The voice was so calming on the ears that I had a physical reaction to it. Everything seemed to calm down around me the second the first word came stumbling from Lando’s mouth. 

“What’s up, Daniel? Really just not in the mood right now.”

He didn’t respond. Daniel just stepped out of the way, revealing me to the man who still held so much of my soul. 

“Hey, Lan.” 

The tension was palpable. Lando and I stood there staring at one another as Daniel slowly disappeared to likely return to his own driver’s room. I didn’t want to say anything until he responded, but I was scared that if I waited for him, it would be silent for hours. 

“Sorry for just showing up and not calling. For some reason it seemed easier to jump on a plane than it did to pick up the phone.” 

“You’re here? In Austria? You’re here, really here? I went back home, I called and nothing. Now, you’re just here?”

“Lan, I’m sorry. I needed space. I just didn’t know the best way to come back.”

I could tell Lando was trying to not get angry. His body language becomes so easy to read after knowing him for years.

His hand ran through the curls on his head after rubbing his face almost too hard. 

“Um, let’s just go to my driver’s room. We probably shouldn’t have this conversation in public.” 

The walk to his room was awkward. There were eyes glancing at us and some whispers, too. I knew it had been awhile since I had been at one of these, but this surely wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. 

“Listen, Eloise, I’m not mad. I’m just confused. You left me in my apartment and then disappeared for months with nothing from you. I had to rely on Max to at least know you were alive.”

Lando took a seat on his makeshift bed after making room next to him for me to sit. 

“I know, Lando. I can only imagine how much it hurt you for me to leave, but I had to protect myself. I was hurting so much.”

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

Lando was crying. With the events that had already unfolded today, this really wasn’t the best time for this conversation, but it didn’t look like I could avoid it any longer. 

“Lan, I know you didn’t want to hurt me.” 

Before I could stop myself, I was wiping the tears that were starting to spill from his eyes. He looked so vulnerable at this moment. 

“And, really, Lando, I don’t think I ever really felt hurt by you. I just wanted you to hear me and it felt like you were blinded by some love.” 

“It wasn’t love. It was lust or some shit like that. It just definitely wasn’t love.”

I’m not sure how I was really supposed to take that revelation. Was he still seeing her? Was it still too new that he was just describing it as lust?

My confusion must’ve been evident on my face because before I could utter a response, Lando was talking again. He was talking to me as he slowly grabbed both of my hands in his, running his thumbs over the back of them. 

“She’s gone. She’s not in the picture anymore. The day after you left, Max and I had a heart-to-heart. Really, he kind of laid into me and wouldn’t stop. He kept saying that some fling was never going to be worth what you meant to me — what you mean to me.”

It was my turn to start crying. The tears didn’t flow as fast as they did the night I walked out of his apartment, but they were there. Lando quickly pulled me into his chest, placing a needed kiss on my temple. 

“Eloise, I will spend every day for the rest of my life apologizing for allowing her to say those things about you.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” my voice slightly muffled but my head in his chest. 

As I leaned back, I grabbed his hands once again and looked him in the eyes — those eyes that have held me captive since I was 13. 

“Why didn’t you come find me after you broke it off with her? Max isn’t that strong, he would’ve told you where I was in a heartbeat if he knew it was over.”

“I knew where you were. I knew you were tucked away in a crummy New York hotel room. I just wanted to give you space. Telling you she was gone would’ve just rushed you, and I didn’t want to do that.”

“You really do surprise me sometimes, Lando Norris. Can we go back to being friends again? I can’t do life without you in it.”

“About that…”

About what? What could Lando possibly want to say to me? I thought this conversation was going well, I thought it was oddly healing in a way. Was he about to push me out the door this time? 

“I don’t know if we can be friends again, Eloise.”

Oh my god this really is it. Our friendship is ending. After months of me not letting it die in my brain as I took my own space, Lando Norris was about to shatter my heart into a million unrecoverable pieces. 

“We can’t be friends because it’s not OK for friends to love one another the way I love you.”

“Wait, what?”

[striped-carpet]

A Second Chance?

M. List

A/N: I know I took a break for a bit, but I've been thinking about getting back into writing again. I usually write headcanons, but this time I decided to try my hand at an actual one-shot again since my first one was kinda miserable imo. I hope you enjoy!

Type: Kuroo x (implied fem.) reader Summary: Following a break up between you and Kuroo, the two of you reconnect in an unexpected way.

Kuroo had no idea why this was happening. The two of you were doing so good before, weren’t you? That was what he thought until he spotted you in a cutesy little cafe with none other than his best friend of many years, Kenma Kozume, anyway. He had always suspected there may have been some sort of unacknowledged feelings between the two of you, and this was only proven further after you and Kuroo broke up almost two weeks ago. He knows he shouldn’t be bothered by this, you weren’t his anymore after all. But, God, does he wish you were. For him, the time since the two of you split has been absolute hell, especially since you were the one to end things. Obviously you didn’t feel the same since you had apparently started seeing Kenma recently. That was the real punch in the gut for him. If it had been anyone else he’d spotted you with, he would've been happy for you. But his best friend…? Oh no. No, no, no. He was definitely not okay with this. But realistically, what could he even do about any of this? Here he was, standing in the middle of the sidewalk outside of a cafe in Tokyo watching you go on a date with his best friend, or so he thought. What he didn’t know was the real reason that you and Kenma were together at the moment. 

Friday evening after school, Kenma had sent you a text, which wasn’t anything out of the ordinary since the two of you were friends. What caught you off guard was the fact that he had invited you out. This was odd for two reasons: 1) Kenma doesn’t like to go out, and 2) You had just broken up with his best friend. However, you agreed anyway since you had barely left your house since the break up unless it was to go to school. That leads you to this morning. It started out pretty normal. You had gotten up, got ready, and set out to meet Kenma at the cafe. What you didn’t expect was to see your ex-boyfriend standing outside staring directly at the two of you. Both you and Kenma shared a worried look before turning your attention back to the young man outside. This was weird. Kuroo, the usually lively, sociable guy, was suddenly frozen in shock and looked as if he had just seen a ghost. As you waved a shy “hello” to him, you turned to Kenma who ushered you to go outside and talk to him. 

As you slowly made your way out the door, you couldn’t help but feel incredibly anxious. What if he got the wrong idea and wouldn’t even want to see you now? You shuddered at the thought as you made your way over to him, carefully dodging a few of the other pedestrians walking past you. A few more seconds passed and you eventually reached him.

“Hey.” you said in greeting, nervously scanning his face for any implication of annoyance or general dislike. 

As he heard your voice for the first time in what felt like an eternity, he snapped back to reality, shifting his gaze to look at you.

“Hey.” His voice was quiet as he spoke, something that was slightly unusual for him.

“So, you and Kenma, huh?”

Oh great, this was exactly what you feared would happen. As you began to think of an explanation, he cut your train of thought off.

“I don’t really care, of course. As long as the two of you are happy.”

‘What a lie.’, he thought. He was quite literally lying through his teeth right now. He cared. He cared so much more than he was willing to admit, but he would never let you know that. Not right now, at least. Not while the sting of the break up was still fresh.

“Oh, no, we’re not-” you started as you tried to explain yourself. “We were just discussing some things. You know, as friends…!”

You smiled, hoping desperately that he would believe you. You watched as his expression changed to one of suspicion. 

“As “friends”, gotcha.” he said bitterly, crossing his arms across his chest.

Your expression flickered to one of shock for a split second before you quickly regained your composure. “I’m being serious, Kuroo.” you said as you placed your hands on your hips.

He raised his eyebrows as you spoke, as if telling you to continue. And continue, you did.

“Last night, after school,” you began, staring him directly in the eyes as you spoke now. "Kenma had sent me a text, inviting me to go out with him today to discuss some things since he noticed what you couldn’t.”

As he listened to you, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What I didn’t…?” he questioned, completely oblivious as to what you meant by this.

You nodded your head at his words, still maintaining eye contact.

“Mhm.” you hummed. “You know, like how I was slowly distancing myself from you and the rest of the team before we split, and for some unknown reason choosing to spend more time managing the girls’ team. All things that should have been of concern to you, but you were too focused on God knows what else.” 

That earned you a very bewildered look from Kuroo, who had somehow failed to notice all of those things, as observant as he was. 

“Huh…?” He muttered to himself, his mine now racing with thoughts. “How did I…?”

“I don’t know either,” you interrupted, shifting slightly where you stood as your eye contact faltered. “but I do know that that’s one of the main reasons for why I decided to leave you.” 

At this point, Kuroo isn’t sure what to feel as he stands there, listening to the girl he loves tell him what a fuck up he’s been as of late. All he knows is that he wants to try and fix this, and hopefully get you back into his arms 

His next words come out in a whisper, his expression now one of sorrow and regret. 

“I’m sorry…” he said, unsure of how to convey the truth of his words. “If I had just paid more attention to you, if I-”

You cut him off. “It’s okay. I’m over it now.” As you spoke, you tried to smile, but could only show a slight purse of your lips.

Kuroo simply nodded as you spoke, but there was still something on his mind. Just what were you doing here with Kenma? He’d decided that if there was a time to question you about it, the time was now while he still had you here.

“So, uh,” he began, suddenly unsure of how to word things. “what exactly were you and Kenma talking about before all of this…?” He decided to tread lightly, not wanting to get his feelings hurt again.

You thought for a moment before responding. “You.” you stated genuinely, not showing any signs of being untruthful.

His eyes widened slightly in surprise at your simple response. ‘Why on earth would they be talking about me?’ he thought to himself as he stared at you once again.

“Me…?” he asked quietly, unsure of if he was hearing you correctly. When you nodded in response, his mouth was slightly agape, unsure of how to respond. After a few moments of silence, he finally found something.

“Hey…,” he would say, hesitation evident in his voice. “can I ask you something…?” He finished his sentence, eyes scanning your face for any signs of a negative reaction. As he saw you nod once again, he continued.

“Say…I still have feelings for you.” he began, still watching you intently. “Would that be something that would cause issues?” His voice was soft, softer than usual as he asked his question, internally terrified of the outcome.

At the mention of him possibly feeling the same way as you do, your eyes were the ones widening in shock. You stared at him with the same dumbfounded expression he had just worn moments ago, in complete and utter disbelief. 

“Are you…?” you asked suspiciously, secretly hoping you were right in your suspicion.

“Saying I still love you?” he said, cutting you off in the process. “Yes, I am, actually.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading! I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes, and I hope you have a lovely rest of your day/night!

[pixiesfz]

Once again on my knees requesting a follow up where frat Jessie goes to see the reader working their shift at the bar to flirt and distract them while they’re working

I did think of this and I was like hmmm I'm not sure but you have convinced me. so here is frat boy Jessie part 2

plot: it's been a week since the college party and three days since your dinner date with jessie and now you have a shift at your club for bartending

warnings: suggestive, ass grabbing, homophobia (idk if I'll do smut cause not sure if I'm comfortable writing it yet but we'll see) I'm back, yeah a little bit of smut. kinda public, reader went commando today

You looked at yourself in the changing room of your work, your shorts were so short you felt your ass peeking out and your bum bag was almost longer than them. It was saint Patrick's day so your work had decided to change up the uniform for the day, instead of the usual black attire you sported green sparkly shorts with matching dark green fishnets and a whit singlet that was cut in the middle with a four-leaf clover on your left boob.

Let's also mention the leprechaun hat you sported with your hair in two plaits.

You saw another co-worker walk in to start their shift when they stopped and looked at you "that's what we're wearing tonight?" she asked with a smirk "at least it's better than Halloween" you shrugged before making sure you had a pen and paper in your bum bag.

You don't usually work weekends but you had a week off volleyball and your best friend Morgan asked if you could somehow be out of the dorm so she could spend time with her boyfriend, you agreed and now you were hear reading the recipe for a 'lucky charm' cocktail that was only on for the night.

It was a busier night than usual, boys from your school coming in to hang out, some of them noticed you but didn't comment, others were too drunk to notice.

It wasn't until 10 that someone started some trouble.

"Hey little lady" a mans voice popped up from behind you as you rolled your eyes but turned around with a fake smile, he looked about 50 "what can I get you sir" you said "Can I get you" he smirked and you had to stop yourself from laughing "unfortunately us workers aren't up for sale, can I offer you something else," you said, pointing at the menu

You had been through this many times before.

"what about some money would that change your mind?"

"She said no you fucking pervert!" a voice called out to him, a voice that you had become familiar with.

"Is that so, cause she was smiling at me-"

"It's called service with a smile, not an invitation to get into my pants" you cut him off "now fuck off before I call security" you said before you looked at Jessie who was to busy looking at you already.

"You fucking lesbians always think you have control over us men" the man grumbled and you laughed "Josh!" you yelled out to your security man who walked over.

"Is there a problem?" he asked and you watched the man cowardly walk away as you pointed at Jessie to join you at the other side of the bar.

"Wow," she stated "What?" you asked "I'm not sure what's hotter right now that outfit or how you shut that fucker up" She smiled.

"How'd you know I was working?" you asked as you dried beer bottles, "Morgan told me" "Of course she did" you laughed "You glad I'm here?" Jessie asked you as you blushed "I think the way I'm seeing you stare at my ass whenever I turn around gives me the impression that you're very happy to be here"

"I will say I am enjoying the view" she said with a smirk.

A customer came in and you excused yourself to take his order as Jessie watched you from her seat, her grip on her glass tightning when she saw his stare on you.

When you returned you looked at Jessie "Hey your knuckles are white, I don't want to clean a broken glass tonight" you joked as her grip loosened "do all the customers look at you like that?" Jessie asked with a stern face.

"Jealousy is not a good look on you Fleming" you teased "Ha Ha" she fake laughed "What time do you finish?" she asked "An hour but I have a designated 'toilet break' in about 15 minutes," you said and her eyes brightened.

"So I can get you alone in a bathroom whilst you are in that outfit?" Jessie smiled like the cherished cat as you took away her drink "Not with your breath smelling like beer"

"that wasn't a no"

"You are distracting me at my work" you told her and she looked proud "Do I distract you y/n" she whispered going closer to you which made your cheeks redden.

"Y/n!" your boss's voice called out "Yeah" you replied "Toilet break Kenz will take over," he said before disappearing into his office again.

You placed your bum bag down behind the counter before walking past the bar and looking back at Jessie "you coming?" you asked with a small smirk and the soccer player scrambled off her seat to follow you.

When you walked back into the changing room you showed Jessie your little wardrobe "This is hot" she admitted as she looked at some of the outfits "You should see valentines day" you snorted at yourself as you watched her scavenge for it.

"Jessie" you called out to her as she just nodded her head, looking through your work clothes "Jessie" you called again as you sat on the couch behind the curtain "what?" she asked looking down at you.

She couldn't help her eyes for going straight to your cleavage as you looked up at her "Are you going to kiss me or what?"

"Oh fuck yeah I'm going to kiss you" Jessie whispered out to herself before joining you on the couch and grabbing your waist to sit on top of her.

Your bare legs rubbing against her jeans as her hands found a comfortable place on your ass is what made her smile "I knew coming here would be a great idea" she smiled "I'm in heaven" she joked as you looked behind you "wait" you told her as you got up

"Nooooo, don't stop heaven"

"I'm just closing the curtain so nobody see's us"

"let them see" Jessie shrugged "so they can know what's going to be mine"

"I think a few more dates until that happens Fleming," you said as you closed the curtain "but I do like your forwardness "Yeah?" Jessie questioned with a smirk and you couldn't help but fold at her words "Oh yeah, I'm free real estate at the moment until proven otherwise" you teased.

This made something in Jessies stomach turn "come here" she ordered as you sat back down on her lap "free real estate huh?" she questioned and you nodded, You felt her grasp on your ass tighter, leaving marks before looking at you and kissing you.

It didn't start slowly like it did at the end of your first date, no this time it was harsher and you loved it, from seeing Jessie so jealous from one look of a guy you wanted to test the waters.

And test it you did as you felt one of Jessie's hands pull you closer to her and create friction which you moaned quitely at giving Jessie dominance at the kiss "Do it again" she ordered before sloppily kissing down your neck "What again?" you asked and she rocked your body up and down her again, creating more friction.

You did as she said and grinded against her without her help as her nails dug into your ass with her denim grinding against your thin layers you couldn't help your quiet moans from coming out your mouth.

"Just like that" Jessie said as she nibbled at your neck, you reached your head back at the action as yo found yourself riding on the girls jeans quicker as you grew hotter and hotter.

"Jessie" you breathed out into her ear "Yeah baby" she says "Touch me" you mutter "Touch you where?" she asked and you buried your neck into her shoulder "down there" you mumbled

"be more specific baby" she teased you as you groaned, she gripped your ass so tight that you couldn't move anymore, you couldn't stand it, you wanted her.

"fuck Jessie" you muttered "What was that?" she asked as she gave you another hint of friction "Touch my pussy Jessie" you told her which she smiled at

"Only cause you asked so nicely" she smirked and you wished you had the power to humble her a bit, but right now you liked it as she placed you down on the couch and spread your legs apart for you.

You held eye contact the entire time as she lowered onto her knee's "you sure?" she asked and you nodded. You didn't even care that you were at your workplace any more, you just wanted Jessie.

You still held eye contact as she rolled your shorts down only to reveal you wore no panties which she raised her brows at "I don't like having undie line" you defended yourself as you watched Jessie try and figure out what to do with your fishnets, with no thought she ripped them from the middle and out, giving her easy access.

You felt the cool air hit you as you rolled your head back "Patience" Jessie laughed before leaning up and kissing you again but she kissed from your lips to your stomach and now a soft kiss to your clit that made a moan escape your lips, she smiled at your reaction before licking your folds slowly

"I know you said patience Jessie but we don't have a lot of time" you reminded her as she smiled at you "Okay"

You gripped onto the edge of the couch in pleasure before she entered a finger inside of you whilst licking at your clit "Oh fuck me" you muttered out as you felt Jessie smile against your clit as she added a second finger.

You felt yourself growing closer and closer as Jessie sped up "Jessie" you moaned out as you reached out your hand to grab her pony tail. She felt you clench around her fingers as she lifted her head up "you gonna cum?" she asked as you nodded

"I'm gonna cum Jessie" you moaned as continued to somehow go faster "Then cum for me" she ordered as you rolled your head back and let go, Jessie slowed down as she let you ride out your high before taking her fingers out and sucking them herself and then pointing them to you "suck them," she said before you did.

"kiss me" you told the soccer girl who came up to you and pulled you in by your chin to kiss her, you could taste yourself on her lips which you loved.

"Y/n toilet break over!" Kenzie yelled out from the door "yep be there in a sec just getting changed!" you answered back as you and Jessie tried not to laugh "If that was ten seconds earlier she would've heard you moaning out my name, did I make you feel good?" she asked and you nodded, grabbing your shorts from the floor.

"You wait here till my shift ends and I'll make you feel good too" you promised her with a kiss on the lips "I'll be waiting" Jessie smiled as she watched you open the curtain and walk out the room, Jessie quickly slapping your ass as you walked by.

"Jessie!"

[brooooswriting]

Your fault pt. 2

Maria hill x reader, Natasha Romanoff x reader (past)

*knock knock knock* Maria groaned as she opened the door of her quarters, she had just come back from a very exhausting mission and was ready to go to bed. But the constant knocking was too annoying to be ignored forever.

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” She asked as soon as she saw you.

“I have to talk to you. You know how after the whole thing with Nat fury didnt let me back in until I went to therapy? So I went a couple of times while you were on the mission and then this woman has the audacity to tell me that I am suicidal and careless, that I wanted to end up dead on my last mission and that the person who made me feel like that was Nat” you hurried, making it hard for the brunette to understand anything.

“Wait- what did she say about you?” She asked, very unsure if she heard you right.

“Maria! That’s not important right now” you scolded her before continuing “she made me realize that Natasha is pure toxin for me. She also made me realize that I love you. It all made sense when she hinted at the fact that you’re the place I look for comfort. Because I do, you’re the first person I wanna see and the only person I always wanna talk to. I’m in love with you Maria” you told her, a smile on your face. The first real smile she had seen in months.

“I- why don’t you come in? I don’t think I can follow you right now” the door opened further for you to come in. You hurriedly followed her to the kitchen where she poured you a glass of water while you admired her.

“So what was that about you being suicidal?” She asked again as she pushed the glass towards you. Her eyes focusing on you.

“This is what you took in? Maria, I said I am in love with you and I mean it. I’ve been to 12 therapy sessions in the last 6 weeks and in every session all I wanted to talk about was you, how you saved me, how save I felt with you and then I realized it. I let Natasha treat me like shit for so long that I didn’t feel like you’d want me as soon as I realized that I do want you.”

“Y/n, are you sure about this? I don’t want to be a rebound and I don’t want to ruin our friendship” she said, her hand lightly grazing over yours that was placed on the counter. Her smile was a mixture of happiness sadness and uncertainty.

“Maria, I’ve never been surer about anything. You are the most amazing and beautiful person I have met and I wish I would have realized sooner. If you don’t feel the same, just say so and I’ll disappear and leave you alone with this topic. Our friendship can stay the same, I promise” everybody could have heard the sadness in your voice.

“I’ve been in love with you since our first mission but two weeks later you came in with Natasha holding hands. I didn’t wanna do anything if you were happy so I shut up. But now I’m so happy that I at least stayed close” she told you, leaning in carefully. Her eyes started to close as she noticed that you were also coming closer.

You were. At least until your hand suddenly stopped her, pushing her back lightly. “I - I thought” she immediately stumbled out making you smile lightly.

“You thought right but there’s something that I haven’t told you. I haven’t broken up with Natasha yet, I know what that sounds like but I was kinda scared, you know how toxic she can be”

“What?”

“I was scared and you weren’t here so I wouldn’t have had anywhere to go. Not anywhere I felt safe at least. And I don’t want to kiss you before I’m free” your hand carefully caressed her cheek as you explained, your heart feeling lighter as soon as she leaned into your touch.

“It’s okay. I’ll be there for you every second okay?” You nodded and fell into her embrace.

That night you decided to call it quits with the redhead, now that Maria was by your side.

“Natasha, we have to talk” you said as you walked into the kitchen, placing yourself on the other side of the table while Maria waited a couple of seconds before waking to the fridge.

“What about?” She was clearly uninterested in whatever you had to say and you had to hold back an eye roll.

“I think we should break up. No wait, I am breaking up with you. We just don’t fit together anymore and I don’t want to be treated like this anymore” you told her, your voice confident as you felt safe with the shield agent behind you.

“Yeah whatever” she said and walked out of the kitchen leaving you stunned.

“It’s over” you whispered to the woman as you sat on the counter next to where she was cutting some food.

“Finally. Now i can do this” she smiled as she pressed a light kiss to your lips. “And tomorrow I wanna take you out on a real date” she whispered against them before pulling away to plop some fruit into her mouth.

That night you fell asleep in one of Maria’s shield hoodies back in your own room after years and you haven’t felt as free as you did in forever.

Three weeks later

Natasha stood alone at Tony’s party watching Maria push you against a wall to make out with you. Her heart broke as she saw you smile against the brunettes lips. She’d never forgive herself for loosing you but it was too late now.

[yourbestprincess]

omg please tag me in the next part

A Dark Kind of Love ~ Pt 2

☆♡︎☆♡︎☆♡︎☆♡︎☆♡︎

YA’LL. I AM SO SORRY!!!! The 7 month delay… HERE YOU GUYS GO PLS ENJOY IM SO SORRY…

Too many warnings, so…Ghostface is your warning 🤗🤗🤗

————————————————————————

It’s been exactly a week that you haven’t seen ghostface, or “D.J”. The thought of him not being around has more than pissed you off.

That motherfucker. He can just take my virginity and leave?? The thought lingers in your mind way longer than you think it should.

You’ve been getting weird “No Caller ID” calls almost all week, you’ve been declining them, but today, you decide to answer, just to tell whoever it is to fuck off.

You get comfortable on your couch, taking a sip of your hot chocolate, which had been spontaneously delivered to your house. You’ve felt watched ever since ghostface had left your house, you even felt watched at work too. Before you can fully settle down, the call you’ve been waiting for comes.

Your arm hesitantly reaches out to pick up your ringing phone from the coffee table by your couch. As soon as you press the answer button and put the phone to your ear, you hear breathing on the other line.

“Hello??” You snap, feeling a little pissed off.

Whoever you’re talking to, chuckles before taking in a low, sugarcoated voice, “Looks like you can finally answer your phone now, can’t you?”

Goddamnit. You think to yourself before speaking.

“If i knew it was you, I would’ve answered sooner.” You bite back, a bit harsher than he was. You stand up from the couch to look out the window for him.

“No need to get up, baby. I know where you’re at.” He sneers behind the mask, letting out a quiet giggle before moving even closer to you.

You sigh and and walk to the window facing your front yard. Your eyes looking for a suspicious looking man. “Well, at least tell me where you’re”your words get cut off by him holding your waist.

“How’d you get-“ you ask in shock before he interrupts a second time, his gloved hand, cold against your bare waist.

“Someone left their window open again.” He giggles as he lifts up your loose black t-shirt to reveal his initials on your back. He caressed your healing cuts with his gloved hand, making it hurt a little more than it already does.

“What does It mean?? I have letters on my body and I don’t even know what they mean.” You snarl at him, pulling away from his touch to face him.

“Listen, princess. You’ll find out eventually, but you’ll need to stop being a little bitch about it first.” He tilts your chin up, forcing you to look at him, but before you can even speak, he pulls your hips to meet his.

“You wanna be a bitch? Might just have ta’ kill ya.” He chuckles just a little.

You try to speak and you furrow your eyebrows, but before anything comes out, he puts his hand around your neck. It wasn’t with a tremendous amount of pressure, but more gently, as a warning. He removes his hand once he sees tears form in your eyes. You gasp from the relief and fall on him. He was much bigger than you.

“I’ll be good, I promise.” You say, gently crying into his cloak. He sighs and pets your hair as he swiftly picks you up and carry’s you to your bed.

“Ya better be a fuckin’ angel for me tonight, doll.” You know already by the tone of his voice and the grip he has on you, that he isn’t going to be gentle tonight at all.

As soon as he reaches your bedroom door his foot swings, and in one harsh kick the door swings wide open.

He practically throws you on the bed, making you huff from the force. He’s looking at you, you can’t see what’s under his mask…but god, you know he’s smirking at you.

He shoves his gloved fingers into your mouth, coating them in your thick saliva. He grunts out a ‘Fuck’ and something else incoherent. His words, breathy and broken from you being such a tease for him. You let out a weak whimper from feeling so eager to take him.

“Are you just gonna sit here and cry? Better take it like a good whore.” As soon as his words end, he drops your body on the bed. It’s almost as if you’re weightless to him. He takes out his Polaroid camera from his back pocket and plays with the settings as he towers over your limp, weak body.

CLICK

Your body limply lays on the bed as he snaps a quick picture of you. Seeing you like this, under his mercy really gets him going. He reaches into his side pocket to grab his knife, already stained in blood, god knows who’s. You squint your eyes and brace yourself as much as possible, whimpering under him.

“Oh, Angel, I’ll keep you alive. Don’tcha’ remember?” you loosen up your body up a bit from its braced state, looking up at the ghastly mask above you. Instead of driving the knife into you, he slices your camisole down the middle.

CLICK

“Jesus.” You catch him whispering under his breath. You’re pretty sure he’s losing self control as he’s literally stripping you with his knife. He takes off his leathery gloves, his hand look so rough, calloused, and damaged. But when he touches you, he’s so warm. His warm hands come up to play and kneed on your breast, and he just sits there, watching them bounce and jiggle.

He’s so starved for you. He waited as long as he could. Yes, he was busy, but fuck, he needed his muse. He needed you to let some steam off, to fuck the anger out, to use you as his fucking toy.

“Use me.”

He steps back, his breath hitched and his heart racing. His calloused fingers tug at the elastic waistband of your shorts, pulling them down as fast as he can. He looks deprived for you as he aggressively rips them off, tearing your pink panties next. Say bye to how cute they were, because he’s taking them, and you’re not getting them back.

His thick finger dips into your dripping wetness, sliding up your folds and wetting your throbbing clit.

“Is this want you’ve been wanting? Hm? Making me go batshit crazy? Like a horny fucking bastard?” He snaps, shoving his middle and ring finger into you, pumping and curling in just the right spot. You can’t even form words from how good he feels. You can’t help it when he makes your back arch.

“mmm, fuck!” Is the only thing you can make out, and it’s all slurred together.

“Yeah? Can’t fuckin’ talk now can ya?” You look down to see him unzipping his painfully hard erection, only wanting inside of you.

“Goddamit look what you fuckin’ do to me, dollface.” He says as he pumps his cock before sliding it up and down your wet, throbbing slit, practically clenching around nothing.

You whine and whimper waiting for him to finally put it in your drenching, throbbing little pussy.

Before you can think anything else, he shoves his thick cock in with some force.

“Fuuuckkk. Jesus Christ.” He can only say under his breath.

All you can do is moan and whine. His cock fills you all the way up.

“M’ Sorry, s’ only my second time!” you cry out to him even though he knows this. He already took your virginity and he wouldn’t let anyone else inside you but him.

“goddamnit, so fuckin’ tight-“ His voice was shaky, you didn’t even know it but you were driving him over the edge. He attempts to pick his camera back up but gives up because anytime he moves inside of you it just gets him closer.

When he does start to slowly thrust into you, it feels like you’ll never need anything else in life besides to fulfill his needs.

“Fuck! Ghostf-“

“Danny. Goddamnit.” He swears under his breath as if you weren’t supposed to know that.

“Danny? Oh my god, Danny please! Just keep going!” It’s barely registered that that was his real name and not ‘Ghostface’. But, by how fast his thrusts are getting, you’re starting to catch on.

“Say it again.” His breath hitches every time that you say his name, it sends him farther and farther over the edge.

“Oh my- Fuck, Danny!” He finally gets the will power to grab his Polaroid and snaps a photo of you so open and vulnerable.

CLICK

“Gonna cum! Im so close, please!!” You sob and whimper as he fucks you with a vigorous passion. Your walls are so tight around him, basically sucking him back in every time he thrusts backwards.

“Say my name. S’ fuckin’ slutty, can’t fuckin’ take it anymore.” You can see him coming apart at the seems now.

“Mm-fuck! Danny!” You finally release your tight walls all over his thick shaft. Your orgasm triggers his. He lets out an almost pornographic whimper as he comes as deep into your pulsating pussy as physically possible.

———————————————————————-

After cleaning up a little bit and getting back in bed, you feel like you should go back and ask him what’s been on your mind. Even if he didn’t care, at least you could get it out.

“Danny, huh?” You chuckle, pointing to the ‘D’ on your back.

He sighs deeply, “Yep, that’s the name, don’t wear it out, princess.” You wish you could see his face right now.

“Then what’s the J?!” You furrow your brows and cross your arms. You really wanted to know but didn’t want to push.

“You’ll find out, I promise ya.” He giggles and turns the light off before comes to sit next to you.

“Come see me sooner next time, please. I missed you.” You frown and reach out to hold onto him.

“Well, can’t stand to see myself get so close so soon, so I think I’ll have to doll face.” He scoffs jokingly and slips just a tiny bit of his mask. He sits next to you and lets you crawl up onto his lap.

You lean into him, letting him kiss you deep. Tongues touching and lips getting bit. He can barely hold himself back from doing you again.

[babydollmarauders]

MOTHERHOOD — JACK HUGHES

jack hughes x fem!reader

start of the el!hughes au

summary: in which y/n makes a small mistake in the middle of the night and thinks it makes her a bad mother, so jack reassures her

warnings: breastfeeding (idk if that should really be a warning but just in case)

**NOT MY GIF**

was a baby planned? no. in fact, if it were, we definitely would’ve started trying with a summer birthday in mind so Jack wouldn’t have to leave.

but alas, the universe had different plans for Jack and i. not to say we weren’t over the moon when we found out. this past 3 weeks with our daughter has been amazing, we love her with everything we have. but mistakes are inevitable.

**

a slightly static cry echoes from the baby monitor, effectively waking me up for the second time tonight. it feels like my head has only just hit the pillow, but without even being completely awake, i know it’s actually been roughly an hour, possibly two. i peek an eye open to look at my alarm clock. 2:15am.

squeezing my eyes shut, i groan as i turn my head towards Jack’s pillow.

“Jacky, it’s your turn. i got her the last time.” i mumble, letting my breathing even out again with the knowledge that my husband will get the baby.

it feels like no time has passed when i’m woken up again by Eleanor’s crying. it almost seemingly amplified. i peek my eye open again to look at the time. 2:30am. it’s been fifteen minutes.

“Jack, did you not hear me? do you not hear her?” i reach a hand out to shake him awake, but instead touch cold sheets. my brows furrow in confusion before my head snaps up.

jack is on a roadie.

his first since El was born. oh my god, how could i have forgotten?

i just let my baby cry for at least fifteen minutes, thinking that Jack would get her, and he isn’t even here.

tears spring to my eyes as i stand from the bed, speed walking to the nursery.

“it’s okay, El. mommy’s here.” i coo as i pick up my daughter. slow tears roll down her cheeks, pulling at my heart strings.

i change her diaper but her crying continues, letting me know that her main concern is hunger. i rub her back as i bring her back to Jack and i’s room, sitting in the bed and unbuttoning my pajama shirt to let her latch onto my breast.

i gaze down at my newborn. watching her eyes flutter as she eats. so fragile and beautiful.

tears gather in my eyes at the recollection that i let her cry for so long. silent sobs rack my chest as i admire my sweet baby.

i reach out with my hand, blindingly searching for my phone on my nightstand. grasping it in my hand, i disregard the 2:45am time and click into the contact i was searching for, pressing the facetime button.

i continue to quietly cry as i watch El eat, listening to the phone’s outgoing ring. i perk my head up as i hear the facetime connect, a dark screen popping up.

“babe? what’s up? is El okay?” Jack’s groggy voice comes through the speakers, reminding me that i woke him up.

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.” i cry, startling the baby and making her jump in arms.

“hey.” Jack coos, but he’s now turned the lamp by his hotel bed on, letting me see his panicked face. “what happened? is she okay? what’s wrong?”

“she’s okay.” i manage to get out. he lets out a sigh, his shoulders dropping in relief.

“then what are you apologizing for, sweet girl?” he asks. he’s being so kind that it makes my breathing shake.

“i’m a horrible mother.” i confess. “you should’ve never had a baby with me. i’m horrible.”

“what? no, you’re not.” his words come out harsh, seemingly offended by mine. “why would you say that about yourself.”

“i let her cry.” i tell him. my tears drip down onto my chest and i wipe them away before they can reach Eleanor.

“i’m confused.” Jack replies, midst yawn.

“i woke up and she was crying, but i was so tired, Jack. i- i forgot you were gone. i thought you were gonna get her, because we switch off and i had just changed her diaper like an hour ago.”

i’m broken off by my sob, gasping to catch my breath.

“so i went back to sleep.” i explain. “i woke up fifteen minutes later to her still crying and remembered you were gone. but i let her cry for at least fifteen minutes, Jack. i’m a horrible mother. she deserves better. you deserve better.”

“hey. look at me.” he says. i open my eyes from their pinched shut position, looking at my husband on the phone screen. “you are not a bad mom.”

“you made one small mistake. you were tired and you’re not used to me not being there to help take care of her. that doesn’t make you a bad mom. it makes you human. aren’t you the one who keeps joking that you have ‘new mom brain’? you’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached to you right now. it’s normal.” he reassures me.

my breathing calms slightly as i set the phone down to take care of my now-sleeping baby. setting her down in the bassinet beside the bed rather than taking her back to her nursery. i readjust my top, buttoning it back up before picking the phone up again.

“it is?” i question.

“yeah. i’m sure if you asked the other WAG’s right now, they would tell you they did the same thing, or something similar. you’re not a bad mother.”

“you promise?”

“i promise, baby.” his eyes are soft, my tears finally halting. “is she asleep now?”

“yeah.” i nod my head, flipping the camera around and angling it so he can see El sleep.

“we made that.” his voice is giddy, not bothering to hold back his loving smile.

“yeah, we did.” i whisper.

“get some sleep, eh? i’ll call you in the morning. i love you, sugar. and i love our girl.” he yawns once more, turning off his bedside lamp and relaxing back into his bed.

“i love you too, Jacky. thank you for picking up. and for reassuring me.” i whisper, turning my own lamp off and plugging my phone back in.

“always.” he replies before we hang up. i take one more look at Eleanor, making sure she’s okay before i lay back down, closing my eyes and letting myself drift to sleep once again.

-

[quinnyundertow]

Picking up the Pieces

Chapter 2

What we Lost

Choso x Reader

Chapter 1

THERE WILL BE MANGA SPOILERS BELOW

Summary: The fight with Sukuna has finally ended. Before he’s wisked off the battlefield the boy named Yuji begs you to try and save what’s left of his older brother.

TW Extreme disabilities, hospital setting, amputation.

AN: Writing this fic so far has been incredibly cathartic. I’ve found writing to be incredibly difficult since my back surgery. At first I thought it was the heavy duty pain killers and meds fogging my mind. Maybe it was. Now I’m just depressed. In the blink of an eye I went from no disability to unable to drive and using a walker to get around. Even then the pain is extreme. Thankfully my body is not as wounded as Choso’s is in this. Choso will not regain his limbs or full function in this story. But that doesn’t mean he can’t have a happy ending. Choso will have disabilities moving forward but that doesn’t mean he’s something broken that needs to be fixed. He still has value despite his physical limitations. I’m trying to convince myself that I do too.

Chapter 2

What we lost

All he could feel was pain. He had never experienced a sensation like this before. Wave upon wave of raw agony rolled over him. There’s this screeching mechanical noise blaring near him. Muffled voices are discussing something but it’s like all the sounds are under water. He’s trying to focus his blood manipulation ability to assess the damage to himself but something is terribly wrong. It’s like trying to grasp threads of information in a typhoon. The capabilities he used to summon with barely a thought before are slipping through his fingers. He can’t tell the extent of the damage Sukuna left but he knows this is a very bad sign. The pain has him gritting his teeth and straining his exhausted muscles.

Is this how his brothers felt before they died? Kechizu and Eso? Hell, even Yuji when he had practically killed him in that bathroom in Shibuya. Yuji. Had he been able to save Yuji? He thinks he did, hopes with every fiber of his being he did. If he failed, he hopes to die sooner rather than later. He tries to open his eyes but they’re too heavy. A racking wet cough bubbles out of his mouth to form the words to ask the only thing that matters, “Yuji?”

Someone is responding but he can’t make out the words. A small soft hand takes his own. It’s not Yuji. It reassures some part of him all the same. It feels like a life preserver has been thrown into the roiling ocean around him. Sudden relief from pain.

Time passes in a state between waking and dreams. He can tell when Yuji visits. His hand is large and calloused on his own. Yuji’s distressed. He knows he’s the reason and he hates it. Blood pressure rising as he’s struggling to open his eyes. Hands are on his shoulders as he seizes violently. Those small delicate hands are on one side and Yuji’s on the other. That familiar flow of pain relief pulls him under.

~~

Yuji Itadori has been through so much at this point yet he’s still smiling. It’s an exhausted, stressed out smile but a smile all the same. You feel cripplingly guilty. You may have kept Choso alive but the state he’s in is barely human. Er, curse. An existence at all.

“I can’t thank you enough for watching over him.” Yuji’s voice is sincere as he bows his head. You hate that he’s thanking you. Yuji has been at the hospital on campus more than he’s been home. Everyone he loves, still alive, is here in some capacity after all. Megumi Fushiguro and Nobara Kugisaki have their own rooms but they tend to gravitate towards one another and stay in Megumi’s room. Much to Megumi’s pretend chagrin.

Your voice is heavy with exhaustion, “It’s the least I can do.” You haven’t left the hospital in the week since Sukuna was destroyed. Neither has Shoko nor Nitta. There are so many injured people. Every few hours someone codes. Heart stopping, lungs failing. You three manage to bring them back but it’s taking everything you have. You’ve never felt so helpless. You know Shoko and Nitta feel it too. When your eyes meet each other in the hall as you pass. Grim expressions rather than greetings.

Yuji scratches the back of his neck; a gesture you’ve come to learn means he’s not sure what else to do with them. “Please don’t diminish what you’re doing.” He pauses to look back in the room where Choso is sleeping fitfully. “He’s calmer when you're close.”

You give a tired chuckle, “I’m a walking painkiller. Can you blame him?”

Yuji tilts his head as if considering your words. He looks like he wants to say more but words fail him. “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to go check on Fushiguro.”

You nod, “Of course.” Yuji’s low bow before he leaves seems excessive. This is the boy who saved all of Japan after all. You sigh. Yuji doesn’t see the situation the same way. He sees it as him failing to protect all of Japan. You duck behind the curtain pulled around Choso’s bedside and sink into the chair beside him.

Choso looks like he was chewed up and spit out again by a meat grinder. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration; but not by much.

You had managed to nap for about an hour the ate some food Yuji had brought up alongside fresh flowers for the room. That was enough to give yourself a little more cursed energy to expend. You are trying to improve his quality of life while keeping him drugged up so he’s not in excruciating pain. Even with all your advanced pain relieving jutsus he moans for hours on end. Throat so raw he coughs up blood.

You place your fingers right behind his ears near his jaw. His right eardrum is just about healed. He should be able to hear something at least. The left ear is irreparable. Well technically it’s not the ear. Shoko said it’s the nerves from the brain to his ear that were destroyed. He has a gnarly scar on the back of his head. His dark locks will hide it in time. That’s probably the least of his worries.

You pick up his medical chart and jot down some notes. There’s a human figure at the bottom of the page. The figure shows front and back with notes on all injuries. You had to start numbering the locations because it was too much to write in the area provided.

“Left cranium injury, loss of hearing and sight to left eye. Severe burns to the inside of the throat and lungs from breathing in super heated air. Six broken ribs, right lung punctured, arms with severe burns from the elbow down. Right hand missing pinky and index finger. Left hand and forearm required amputation.” You can’t read anymore. Needless to say nothing survived below the knees.

When he’s up moaning in pain all night you wish you never would have tried to help him. He probably would beg you to let him die if he could manage it.

You stroke the right side of his forehead gently. He remarkably hasn’t had a fever today. He’s gradually improving. Shoko says he’s out of the woods now. He won’t die but he can’t regrow any of the pieces missing either.

Tracing his brow you hope the light sensation brings the tiniest bit of comfort. You’re terrified he’ll hate you when he wakes up and registers his condition. The only thing proving he’s aware of anything is he cries out for Yuji intermittently only to stop when Yuji or you hold his hand. What’s left of it. You hesitated at first to put any pressure on his hand but when you finally did his three undamaged fingers wrapped around your own. He didn’t let go until Yuji took your place.

His fingers curl comfortably around yours now. The sharing of warmth between you both seems to help you both relax. His blood pressure goes down to a healthier level and you can finally manage to get some much needed sleep. You don’t even realize when you doze off. Something feels wrong when you wake up. The hospital room is dark except for the green glow of the machine running his intravenous and keeping his pulse and oxygen rates tracked. Disentangling his finger from yours, you stand, examining the numbers on it to be sure there isn’t anything wildly out of the ranges he’s been in. “It doesn’t look bad. All things considered.” You’ve been talking to him since the moment you found him in the rubble. It comes naturally now. You don’t expect a response.

The relationship you have is one sided. You and Choso had never officially met before the fight against Sukuna. You had seen him in passing. Especially in the months leading up to the climactic battle of good vs evil. He was referred to as the curse protecting Sukuna’s former vessel by those who didn’t care for him and Itadori’s older brother by those who did. You hadn’t formed an opinion either way at the time.

You change the bag of urine collected and make sure his catheter doesn’t have any kinks in the line. Finding nothing else to occupy yourself with you slide back into the chair you had been seated in. “I think I’m starting to lose it.” You’re not sure what woke you up but you doubt you could fall back asleep anytime soon. You place your hand under his again and his fingers wrap back around your own.

You adjust pulling your legs up onto your chair, your thumb lightly rubbing the back of his hand in what you hope is comforting circles. That uncomfortable feeling falls over you again. It’s like you're being watched. You jerk awake, your eyes quickly scan up his face only to lock on the dark brown eye watching you. You gasp in surprise and shock. He looks cognizant, his pupils are almost back to normal size. Your mouth opens and shuts a few times in shock, “I-I gotta tell Yuji.”

You go to reach for your phone but your attention goes back to him when he tries to sit up and speak. Eyes widening, you're shaking your head. You let go of the hand that is holding his to urge him to not move; but his grasp on you is surprisingly strong. It doesn’t hurt at all but it’s definitely firm. “Choso, please don’t try to get up yet. You’ll tear your stitches open.”

He must be able to hear your plea because he pauses and rests back into the pillows laying about him. His eyes are scanning his surroundings briefly. They pause on the wall clock only to wander until they rest on your face. “It’s 3:20 AM.” You hear yourself stupidly explain what he clearly just saw. “..but you know that because you read the clock. Sorry.”

He looks confused as to why you're apologizing. You flush in embarrassment before picking up your phone again. “Yuji is going to be so happy you're aware now.”

His fingers squeeze your own briefly to get your attention. You pause to glance up at him in surprise. His voice is deep and scratchy sounding but it’s there. “Don’t.”

You blink in confusion several times. All Choso has done is ask for Yuji the whole time he’s sick and now he doesn’t want to see him? Clarity hits you a moment later, “You don’t want to wake him up?”

The corner of his lip curls slightly in the smallest smile. His fingers flexing once around yours in what your guessing is approval. You can’t help but smile back, your eyes burning with relief that his mind seems intact. “How about I text him as a compromise?”

His response is so light it’s barely a flutter of his fingers. His head is leaning back into his pillow. The eye he doesn’t have covered with bandages sleepily blinks at you. His eye is starting to look unfocused as it drifts shut. Each time it closes it’s a little longer than the last. He’s still holding your hand. You text with one hand to Yuji telling him the good news but not to rush over that Choso is going back to sleep. When you finish the message you tuck the phone into your pants pocket. Now free your spare hand wanders to his brow again. Still cool to the touch. You caress his forehead lightly stroking his hair back. You hope you aren’t overstepping your boundaries by doing so. Thankfully, you're reassured when he gives a long breath out and his brow relaxes as he fully falls asleep.

AN

I really enjoyed these fics with themes of loss and surviving with a caregiver reader. Please consider checking them out.

@umemiyan Postmortem/Postpartum

Buttholesupreme “I’ll be seeing you”

[norrisreads]

Dangerous Woman 2 #CS55

PAIRING: carlos sainz x reader!, non racer carlos sainz jr x reader!

SUMMARY: being arranged married to carlos sainz, will the both of you work the marriage or will the next step be signing the divorce papers

WARNINGS: age gap, arranged married related, no smuts! tensions ofc, will be a 4 part series, inc of smau! angst, fluff (in the future?)

part 1

full masterlist

Carlos definition of a date in his mind was a normal casual dinner date, not a date where the both of you would’ve enjoyed because right now while waiting for both of your food to arrived, there was a thick air of tension surrounding both of you.

“will you explain what is going on or are we supposed to sit here in silence?” you spoke, cutting off his train of thoughts

not far from your table you could notice the presence of the trio that was peeping towards your table, it’s not a secret when they’re out there wearing the exact same thing that you last saw them in.

“i’m aware lando have told you i’ve broken up with her” nodding your head agreeing to the statement

“I’ll appreciate if i could rekindle this situation, slowly”

now, you’re laughing because why now? why rekindle after a year?

“that’s funny sainz, the last thing i’ve heard from you was that you threw away our friendship over, just because you thought this marriage would meddle in to your relationship”

“you would’ve done the same thing, y/n. you don’t understand”

What did he meant that you wouldn’t understand? what about the nights you sobbed to him about how much you’ve loved your ex, but your parents would never approve of him which led the both of you to part ways

“i would’ve done the same thing carlos, but i couldn’t. it’s different for me because i’m not the head of the family, i’m just a woman who has to listen to everything my father says. I loved him, but i couldn’t do it anymore so i truly understand carlos. I’ve never once threw away our friendship but instead you, you’re selfish and you’re unaware of it”

you expected a reply but all he gave you was a slight nod agreeing to whatever you’ve just told him

“let’s just eat, we’re here anyways, and it would be great if those trios of yours join us instead of trying to hide themselves, because it’s not working”

it’s been two weeks since then, there was an improvement in carlos attitude towards you, he would pick you up daily from your shifts, asked you out to dinner and he’s actually treating you like a wife should have been treated, which was odd but it did healed a part of your heart knowingly this is exactly the way you wanted to be treat as a wife.

“you’ve been nothing but glowing these past few days, what’s going on?” you’re currently on face-time with your best-friend, casually keeping up with each other gossips

“it’s carlos, he’s been treating me differently ever since that dinner date” setting up your phone on your table, while you’re removing your left over makeup

“well that’s great isn’t it? you guys are married so, least he could do is start treating you like a wife”

your best friend have always had a grudge towards Carlos, ever-since you’ve told her about both yours and Carlos rough past

“yeah and i guess im still getting used to it, but she’s gonna come back anytime sooner, this isn’t the first and surely would not be the last”

sighing while removing your makeup, from your phone screen you could see your best friend shrugging her shoulders agreeing with whatever you’ve just said to her

“he does that everytime, y/n. it’s all up to your choices love”

just then you heard your front doors open with voices trailing behind, “i think he’s homed, i’ll text you in a while, love you”

with that you ended the call with your best-friend and walked to your living room only to be greeted with carlos and his friends

“is there something going on today?” you were confused, you weren’t aware of the invitation of his friends over to your house

“they were just stopping by for dinner, would you like to join us?”

“It’s alright, your mom came by and brought over some food. I’ll just heat them up for you guys”

with that, carlos left the kitchen to entertain his friends

you weren’t particularly fond of his friends, other than the three who’s always around the both of you, these friends were different

you knew the friend group that he sticks by has been there for him since childhood and they’ve particularly were more fond of her rather than you.

there were many times you’d eavesdrop their conversations and those times were when you’d listen to their bad remarks about your marriage.

you knew who carlos ex girlfriend was, you’ve met her multiple times due to carlos and your family gathering that’s on-going for every year.

you’d be lying if you think she wasn’t beautiful because she is, no one knew but you’d sometimes compare the both of you because clearly she was the better looking.

your train of thoughts left your mind when you felt hands snaking around your waist

“what’s going on with that mind of yours, i’ve been calling for you to join us”

you could smell that strong perfume of his and a tint of sweetness which you for sure know it’s neither his nor yours because the perfumes you wore were always citrusy scents, and that was one sign you should have never choose to ignore

taglist ; @iissza @spngi @sainzluvrr @slut4lando

link to taglist

a/n : thank you for the support & love for dangerous woman 🥹! i’ve received multiple inboxs asking when will i post the next part, so here you go <3!

[agentmarcuspike]

"Is there a reason you're naked in my bed?" part 2

cw: dbf!joel miller x f!reader, pre-outbreak, kinda... blackmailing? ig, no sarah here wc: 1.3k a/n: idek what this is, i'm just practicing, and hopefully someone likes it. working on my smut, don't feel quite confident enough with it yet. maybe in the next one...?

part 1 part 3 part 4

it’s been a week since your neighbor, Joel Miller, found you naked in his bed. you’ve been avoiding leaving the house since then, worried he'll decide to report you for breaking and entering. out of sight, out of mind, you hope, as if grown man Miller never developed a sense of object permanence.

admitting to yourself that not only being caught, but being caught fucking someone in your dad's friend's bed, had made you more excited than embarrassed was not gonna happen any time soon. although you had to acknowledge that the picture of Joel with your lacy panties in his big calloused hand, and the memory of his deep voice telling the younger man to get out of his house, had you chasing a high later that night, alone in your own bed, that you hadn't felt in a long time.

"earth to daughter, anyone home...?" your dad's hand waving in front of your face brings you back to the present. he's finishing a bagel, trying to cram a bunch of folders and loose papers into his work bag, which he only half-way manages without crumpling all of them. "you okay?"

he sends you a quick worried glance, and you nod as you swallow your coffee. "yeah, fine!" you give him a half-hearted smile, and he smiles back, grimacing as he takes a sip of his own now cold coffee.

you snicker at his usual urgency, and take another sip of your own, giggling into the mug. a knock on the door, and your dad yells for them to come in. the coffee doesn't make it all the way down your throat, and threatens to come back up when you see Mr. Miller in your kitchen.

"hey there, neighbor!" your dad says with a cheer in his voice, shaking Joel's hand. "to what do we owe the pleasure?"

Joel nods, quickly glancing at you, before looking back at your dad. "nothing good, i'm afraid." he places his hands on his hips, a confidence to his stance despite the news he's bringing. "my washing machine is broken, and i could use an extra pair of hands carrying it out in the garden to make room for the new one."

for a second you rest your gaze on his biceps, his t-shirt clinging to them for dear life, and you imagine how they would strain even more while he grunts and sweats to move the washing machine.

"i'm about to head out, i'm afraid," you hear your dad apologize, quickly moving your eyes to study the crumbs left on your plate before any of them can catch your keen eye. "but i'm sure my dutiful daughter will be more than happy to show off her strength. you've been working out a lot lotely, honey, haven't you?" your head snaps back up, as you look between the men, both looking at you.

you have. you've been doing a lot of pilates and yoga on the lawn, and you've caught your neighbor hungry stare from across the fence.

"please, no..." you mutter to yourself.

"what was that?" your dad asks, looking at you sternly, as if he didn't hear exactly what you said. "if you're gonna be living here rent free, the least you can do is give our neighbor a hand."

something playful, almost provocative in Joel's eyes renders you speechless long enough for him to say "great," and give your dad an appreciative nod.

"great!" your dad repeats, patting Joel's shoulder. "see you later, kid!" he waves at you, and disappears out the door.

you're alone with Joel.

"so..."

not a word has been spoken since Joel turned on his heel in your kitchen, expecting you to follow him, which you did. the silence feels awkward, but you don't want to break it, worried he'll bring up the other night, as you walk behind him through his house, and into his downstairs laundry room.

"grab that side," he says, pointing to the the back of the machine. it's a tight squeeze, but you manage to fit yourself between the wall and the washer, pushing it towards him.

"on three." he counts, and you lift together. it's almost too heavy, but even if you wanted to you couldn't have said anything, as you both grunt and pant your way out to his back garden.

Joel stops, and nods at you to put it down. you do. your arms feel long, and you lean forwards on your knees, catching your breath. Joel takes a second to breathe and wipe his brow before he breaks the silence.

"too early for a drink?" you look at him, still out of breath, and shake your head. not in this situation, you think to yourself.

"sit," he nods towards the sofa on the back porch and disappears back into the house again. you do as you're told.

Joel reappears with two beer bottles, extending his arm for you to grab one. he sits down next to you, a little too close for comfort. you can smell the sweat from the visible perspiration stains in the armpits of his grey shirt. you both take a couple of sips in silence, before you decide to break it.

"i can wash your sheets..." it's the only thing you can think of to make up for your sins, peeling at the label of the bottle as you say it.

to your surprise, he laughs.

you look at him, and he takes a big gulp of his beer.

"nah, that's okay," he snickers. "i kinda like it, to be honest"

Joel licks his lips before he looks at you, again with the mischievous grin of his. he gives you a quick up-and-down, sending butterflies to several parts of your body, and you swallow harshly.

"you--" you start, as he places a hand on your bare thigh, grin fading, but the mischief still very much present. he gives your leg a soft squeeze.

"i mean you can wash them if it clears your conscience... but it would be a disservice. i'd have to ask you to come mess them up again."

Joel's hand is moving up and down your leg, dangerously close to the hem of your pyjamas shorts you hadn't had time to change out of. you take a deep breath, and clutch your thighs a little tighter together around the beer bottle resting between them.

"you won't tell my dad?" you ask, knowing damn well that he wouldn't tolerate you breaking into your neighbor's house to get laid, and you'd have to find another place to stay.

Joel chuckles. "no, i won't tell your dad," he assures you. "as long as you don't bring that bonehead over again." that makes you smile. "s'he really your type? wouldn't have thought you'd be into guys like that." he takes a good sip of his beer, looking out at the neat-tended garden.

"excuse me?" you say accusatory. "what you mean, guys like that? he was really nice!" Joel looks back at you again, brows raised, before looking away again, shaking his head lightly. "whatever you say, hon." then under his breath: "if you can't see it, m'not gonna say it."

you roll your eyes, and let your legs relax a little. while lifting your bottle to your lips again, Joel's fingertips press a little harder into your inner thigh. you let them.

"so are we good, Miller? seeing as i nearly broke my back helping you move that thing?" you nod towards the washing machine, looking very out of place on the otherwise neat lawn. you had always been able to see parts of his backyard from your childhood bedroom window, and you'd seen him mow the lawn shirtless more than once, shamefully thirsting from afar.

"we're good..." his eyes meet yours, the tease in them ever present.

"for now."

[nomizombie]

(2) Fanboy!König x Rockstar!GN!Reader 🎸🎤🎶

[SFW/Wholesome] ; more rocking out!!!! Mutual pining, gender neutral, no usage of y/n!!! Author has never been to a concert or been a rockstar, not proofread…

[A/N] ; ty for all the nice comments on my last post! my face is gonna be sore from all that smiling 😭😭 heres a continuation from the last part, hope you enjoy!!! :)))

Part 1

Your hand hovered over the call button. Would it be so bad to call him? I mean, he did write his number down. The least you could do is call it. Thats normal. Yeah, that’s completely normal.

You tapped the call button and waited (for 3 seconds) until you heard the familiar click.

Silence.

“Hello?” You called out.

More silence.

“This is König right?”

Even more silence. Unbeknownst to you, König was a trembling mess on the other end. He parted his lips and no sound came out.

“Ah, I’ll just hang up then. Must’ve been a wrong number-“

“The albums. Thank you for signing them.” A meek voice spoke.

“So you are there after all!”

You hear nervous laughter on the other end.

“Sorry. Um. Whats the word? Starstruck?”

You couldn’t help but giggle.

“‘s alright, König.” His name was getting easier to say the more you said it.

More silence.

“Your singing. It was great.” He spoke again. This time a bit more confident.

“Well, I would assume so since you have so much merch of me.”

“Ah. Right.”

More silence. He was a lot more awkward over the phone.

“So… do you like the band or do you like me?”

Even more silence. Maybe you pushed too far. Maybe a guy like him doesn’t like teasing-

“You. You’re a good singer.“

You chuckled as you heard his response. Nevermind that, teasing him was fun. You could imagine the shaky hands as he held his phone, the pink tips of his ears, and the quietness as he thought of a response. How cute.

“Only good?

You pushed further.

More silence.

“It’s amazing. I’m in a trance when I listen to you.”

Now it was your turn to blush from your cheeks to your neck. Such simple words but it felt so good coming from him.

...

You had never texted with someone so much. Especially not someone as kind as him.

Every waking second, you spent tapping away on your phone. Before you fell asleep, in between shows, even during a meal with your bandmates.

It started off simple. You sent him a quick thank you message for the necklace and he responded with an also simple thanks for the handshake. Then, he followed up with another message complimenting your performance, and that might've been when you started expecting his texts.

Weeks later, you two continued to talk nearly everyday. Obviously, people began to notice. Your small smiles and giggles were frequent enough that even your manager got suspicious.

“Got someone special?” She snickered as she gripped the steering wheel. You couldn’t see her face but you just knew that she was raising a brow at the rapid screen smacking of your phone.

“Huh?- No! Its just a friend…” you quickly clarified.

Her eyebrow climbed a little higher as she gave you the look in the rear view mirror.

“Doesn’t seem like just a friend.” She laughed again, noticing your red cheeks, "Hey, I won’t get mad, I promise.”

Your cheeks continued to burn as she tilted her head to the side, silver earrings dangling and clinking as she waited.

“Okay, fine. He’s a fan from our December show.” You sighed. You really couldn’t hide anything from her, could you?

She gasped, “A fan?! Gasp! Our lead singer is into groupies!”

“He’s not a groupie! Its just- How do I explain this… He’s really fun to talk to.” This time your entire face burned.

“Fun, huh? Well I will warn you, dating a fan never goes well. Be careful alright? Can’t have our star vocalist getting heart broken now, can we?” She tutted her finger at you. Surely an experienced warning.

Before long you had arrived at the concert hall. This gig was probably the biggest youve had in months. Hundreds- no, thousands would be here tonight, watching you play. But, you could care less about the numbers, you only needed one person to come, the massive fanboy that you’ve been texting everyday the last few weeks.

You hands reach for your phone.

- im here at the venue. you almost here?

- Yes. Almost. Good luck with your show.

You two had been texting for weeks now, nearly everyday (or more accurately every hour) but he was still super formal with you. It was almost a little adorable that he still felt nervous interacting with you.

- awesome!! see ya :D

The typing animation played for a long time, disappearing and reappearing a few times before he finally responded.

- See you soon. 👍

An emoji. That's new. You grinned at the thought of him struggling to text you but that was quickly forgotten when you felt a cold hand on your shoulder.

"Stop texting your friend and start your warm ups! People are starting to come inside!" Your manager growled before quickly ushering you into your changing room.

By the time you stepped onto the stage, you were still struggling to rid your mind of thoughts of him. It's funny how much this boy has completely taken over your brain. But nevertheless, you greeted the crowd, strummed your electric guitar and started off with a new song. This one about your most recent obsession.

As you sang, walking from stage end-to-end you found yourself scanning the crowd for your favorite fan. But, oddly enough, he was nowhere to be found.

"That's odd." You muttered under your breath. Seriously. You have a massive audience tonight and the only thing on your mind right now is König? Get your head in the game.

Sweat beads dripped down your neck as you jumped up and down on stage, hyping up the crowd as you continued to hit ever note. The music was the only thing you could think about. You soon fell into the groove of the song, but yet, he still remained at the back of your mind.

With one final strum, you sank to your knees, panting. When's the last time you had really felt the rhythm? You smiled. Your new obsession was your muse.

As you trudged off stage, a damp mess dragging your feet behind you, you suddenly hit a wall. A very tall and solid wall.

You hissed, rubbing your sore nose as you opened your eyes. Once again, the worn out logo of your band crowded your vision. Your gaze travelled upwards as you finally realized that this wall, is in fact, not a wall.

A pair of beady eyes in a balaclava stared down at you.

"Hi." He said quietly.

"K-König! What are you doing offstage?!" You suddenly remembered how sticky and dewy your skin was, how damp your shirt was and the crazed, frizzy hair. You smoothed your hair out and wiped your face on the sleeve of your shirt frantically.

"Why are you here?" You asked a bit more calmer this time.

His ears turned a light red as he averted his gaze.

"Well... I wanted to watch you from here... and your manager… let me in." He breathed. Pausing in between words as he grew a little redder.

"My manager- her?!" Your calmness had left just as fast as it appeared.

He blinked at you. A few seconds of silence before nodding his head and rubbing his neck nervously.

"Ja, that's right."

"Holy shit- wait, how'd she know who you are..?" You asked curiously. You had never once mentioned his name or described him to her.

"Oh, uh..." He thought for a moment, finding the words in English.

"She's my... How do I say, like- aunt but not, kind of like my mother's friend." He muttered the last part quickly.

That explained the collection of exclusive merch.

Noticing your confusion, he continued, "Ah, it's not important. Your voice, lovely as always."

"Thank you, König." You grinned at him, your eyes squinting as you smiled.

His eyes widened before squinting as well. The way you said his name always made his heart jump in his chest. Meanwhile, you just couldn't get enough of his eye-smile.

The conversation was silent again. He stared anxiously at you before lowering his head.

“Can I… ask you something?”

“Of course, shoot away.”

He went quiet, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, before continuing.

"Well- do you, um..." His signature stuttering and stumbling over his words.

You hummed curiously.

"Do you want to get a-a drink together? Later? I'll wait for your autograph session and then I was wondering if you wanted to go out perhaps, of course you don't have to it was a stupid question, wasn't it? Excuse me then, I shouldn't have asked-"

"Of course. I would love to," you cut him off. His rambling was strangely... endearing?

Shock filled his eyes before he chuckled nervously.

"Ah. Sorry- I got a little anxious."

"It's okay!" You laughed. How was this behemoth man so cute? “What time?"

"I'll text you." He smiled and you noticed how his eyes crinkled when he did. That was never going to leave your memory, was it?

dividers by @mmadeinheavenn !!!!

Hii!!! If you got it this far, tysm for reading!!! ❤️❤️ Lmk if youd like more!! I like this au but i would also love to expand! If you have any ideas my requests are always open :)!!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my best friend she needs to break up with her boyfriend of 3 years?

(💔🏴‍☠️ so i can find it later)

My (23NB) best friend (23F) has been in a long distance relationship with her current boyfriend for a little over 3 years. I haven't liked him from the start, but I've kept quiet about it unless asked up until a few months ago.

Their entire relationship has been the same cycle, every few weeks. She spends 90% of her time at home with him, on her computer with her door shut (for context, me and my best friend have lived together for the past 2 years and we have a very close relationship, I consider her to be one of my sisters) until he does something that makes her upset. After he does something that makes her upset, she'll come to me crying about it and spend probably a week hanging out with me more. Then, she'll talk to him about it, tell him what she needs from him in their relationship, and then it's "fixed". Until, inevitably, 2 weeks to a month later he will do the exact same thing (ghosting her, doing things that make her upset on purpose because him and his friends think it's funny, ditching plans with her, etc.). Then the cycle repeats. They've almost broken up at least 5 times (that I know of) since starting dating.

Recently, one of his friends told her that he's embarrassed of her when she gets overwhelmed and needs to leave voice calls when they're all playing games together (she is autistic, for reference). That was the last straw for me. I told her that's fucked up for him to say he's embarrassed of her and that she should break up with him. She even said that she was going to break up with him as soon as she could get a hold of him.

However, they started playing games together again and now she is on the fence again about whether or not she should break up with him. I told her not to back down on her decision and that she knows it's what's good for her and that she deserves better. She shut down and told me that she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

So, am I the asshole for telling my best friend that she needs up break with her boyfriend and that I am disappointed that she went back on her decision?

((I will fully admit that I can get pretty jealous of him because he consumes so much of her time, but I would not get so jealous of her spending time with him if she didn't spend 90% of her time hanging out with him and denying invitations from me to do stuff))

What are these acronyms?

[milkytheholy1]

TMNT Masterlist

2003:

Leo:

Third base - Leo x Female Reader

Hey everyone, I currently have two requests left to do but I really want to get some stories that I personally came up with as well. I really want to try writing for different versions of the turts besides 2012 and Rise even if they are my fav versions. Sorry if the character interactions are a bit iffy in this one, I haven't seen much of the 2003 series I'm only up to season 2.

Donnie:

Drawn to you - Donnie x GN Reader

No, the tech-savvy turtle was drawn to you by your persistence, by the way you poured yourself into your work, how you understood the need to complete something no matter how long it took.

Mikey:

Turtle titan to the rescue! - Mikey x Female Reader

Okay so far warning, I haven’t really watched past season 3 of the 2003 series, I have been working my way through it though. So some characters might not sound or act like how they should from the show and I might end up getting some stuff wrong, so sorry in advance. This story will flip between 1st and 3rd person narrative.

2012:

All Turtles:

Turtle Power part 1

What if you included even more turtles in the hit tmnt movie, TMNT:Turtles Forever? This isn't an X Reader fic and takes places in the 2012 universe...well, for the start at least.

Leo:

Dear diary - Leo x GN Reader

Leo practicing how to ask them out with many many scripts for acting in front of a mirror:") or maybe they find out about his diary! You can pick

A confident strut - Leo x GN Reader

Went with the first one since it's been some time since I wrote for my 2012 boy! This is going to be set before the whole sister reveal, but I wanna make it clear that I do not ship Karai and Leo together cause that shit is gross. Enjoy!

I heard you - Leo x Female Reader

The reader,who has a crush on Leo, waits by Leo's side for him to wake up in the farm house and she is so relieved when he wakes up after months

Not traditional - Leo x Male Reader

The reader is giving Leo a whole sexuality crisis so Leo asks April if it's weird for a guy to like another guy and April reassures him that it's perfectly normal, and later that week Leo accidentally slips that he likes (y/n) and in a flash the have this little moment of understanding that they both like each other and want to be more than friends.

Goodbye Leonardo part 1 - Leo x Female Reader

I know what you're thinking, two stories in one night? This is somewhat based on the season four episode: Broken Foot. Also sorry it's so long but I had to fill in some blanks to get to the build-up of the story and sorry for the rushed ending it's currently past midnight where I'm from and I'm very tired.

Goodbye Leonardo part 2 - Leo x Female Reader

Okay, okay, you'll get your stinking part 2. This is probably one of the most requested fics I've ever done, the original intention was to leave it as a standalone fic. But, because you all seem eager for more I eventually broke and decided to do it. This is set a few years after the original and doesn't follow the episode 'Broken Foot' like the original oneshot. In my opinion, it's also waaay more angsty and it might actually be sadder than the first one. So I hope the wait was worth it, enjoy!

Donnie:

Wrong about me - Donnie x Female Reader

Donnie gets cheated on by April and (y/n) finds out and hurts April's feelings then comforts Donnie?

Hot - Donnie x Female Reader

Donnie was talking about some science stuff the last 20 minutes, but reader can't fully pay attention to what he's saying because they're just thinking about his voice, his gestures and everything. They think "don't you realize how hot you are?", but Donnie stops talking and reader realizes they just said that out loud and now they want to die.

Happy birthday - Donnie x GN Reader

it’s the reader’s birthday and the turtles just find out and they have to quickly set up a surprise birthday for the reader.

Well done science boy - Donnie x GN Reader

Had this idea in my head for a few days so thought I'd post it, I wanted to make it a shorter story than what I normally do but I got too lost in it and it ended up being just as long, oops. Hope you enjoy!

Hello nurse - Donnie x Female Reader

Literally did this so I could pull off one reference, that's all. Enjoy!

Raph:

Hots for you - Raph x Female Reader

Raph finds out that his girlfriend is bisexual?

Heard you from a mile away - Raph x GN Reader

not going to lie I had to search up what it meant, decided to do Raph since i've never written for him before in the 2012 version. So if this comes across as out of character, apologies. Anyway, enjoy!

2014/2016: Leo:

Red lips - Leo x Female Reader

“Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.”

Donnie:

Five years - Donnie x Female Reader

Donnie creates a portal that transports them to 2021.

Five years alt ending - Donnie x Female Reader

It’s weird how many people have asked me for them to have kids, but I guess if that’s what you guys want to see then here is a short version 2, if you will, of five years. Be sure to read the original or it won’t really make much sense, this is just the ending. Enjoy!

Life is a dream part 1 - Donnie x GN Reader

You felt the small vibrations of your phone in your pocket, pulling it out you saw Donnie was once again calling you crap, "H-hey Donnie, I promise I'm on Allen Street. I'm like less than a minute away." you panted into the device. You could hear his sigh through the speaker, "Don't worry about it, I'm just wasting valuable pop tart time." he joked, your laughter was his reward.

Part 2 - Donnie x GN Reader

Speaking of the brothers, Mikey was sat playing some video games while leaning over to slurp his coke, you could hear panting and the sounds of something being destroyed coming from the dojo Raph. Finally taking lighter steps into the lair, you could smell a sweet fragrance waft through the air Leo.

Part 3 - Donnie x GN Reader

"Do you remember that video where the cat plays chopsticks with the chopsticks?" Mikey asked, pushing aside Donnie and getting closer to your face. You flinched at his close proximity, your mind still trying to adjust to your bright surroundings. "Can we focus here?" Leo argued, pulling Mikey away from you, he securely wrapped his arm around his younger brother in case he felt the need to jump at you again.

Final part - Donnie x GN Reader

"What?" he asked, "Can I ask you something?" You pondered why you were willing to tell Raph some of your deep, dark thoughts and not someone like Donatello "It's a free country," he quipped going back to his knitting. "Right," you said, glancing down to avoid making eye contact "It's just that...do you think- feel like something is off?"

Mikey:

Parading in style - Mikey x Male Reader

So I don’t know much about pride parades in NYC but I can only imagine they’re triple the ones from where I’m from, I’m also not going to give you a description of Mikey’s human form as that can be up to you. I’ve learned from experience that everyone has a different view of these characters and it’s unfair to the reader to force them to take my view of what he could look like, so yeah he looks like whatever you want him to. Hope you enjoy!

Raph:

A cold night in new  - Raph x Female Reader

Reader's apartment building's heat went out during a really chilly spring day, so when raph comes over he's all like "why tf does she have the thermostat on 5 degrees", but then he finds her cuddled up with tons of blankets on the couch, watching tv. after turning down the volume, reader explains the situation with the heat while shivering and clutching the blankets. raph has a brilliant plan for this.

Begging - Raph x Female Reader

Bayverse Raph and his S.O get into a huge fight and he hurts her feelings and Raph found her on the rooftop crying and he asks for forgiveness

Seeing you - Raph x Female Reader

The reader feels invisible and lonely, so she confides in Raph and telling him how her current boyfriend is using and abusing her. Then later on Raph confesses his feelings for the reader but her abusive boyfriend catches the reader and raph together.

I promise - Raph x Female Reader

The reader has scars from her mother and she shows Raph while crying about them and Raph listens and comforts her.tumblr