#my view of the future literally changes DAILY now

[captainimprobable]

went momentarily insane this morning and applied to be a barista bc as much as i hate to admit it, it's time to bring back my Retail Era.

[theladybrownstarot]

Who are you according to tarot ?

❀ Here's my masterlist for more !

❀ Make sure you like/follow/Comment/reblogg for more pacs like these !

Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.

𐙚 Pile 1.

Namaste pile 1 ! Let's get with your reading :-

❥˚ You have to constantly face challenges , hurdles and obstacles which may make you annoyed or frustrated easily ,or it could be in general too, but you don't ignore these instead you believe in facing these because you know you don't give up easily and there's always something big from big obstacles .

❥˚ Either you could be a moon , Venus or mercury dominant or maybe there's an aspect to your ascendant out there which may makes you physically seen as beautiful or someone who has those calm and comforting vibes . You are a hugger haha isn't? just saying a hi to whom you meet isn't the thing but hugging or kissing them adds essence to the meet ~

❥˚ You are good at manifestations . You are emotionally strong that leads you to pass through everything in life and achieve all you want . You are someone who isn't much worried about the results , things or daily life chaos that one may face because you believe what is to be meant will be meant to happen so just give your best and leave rest .

❥˚ You may at time get confused with things and loose opportunities in search for seeking 100 of things at once . You like to treat yourself with gifts and like to work on your potentials to go more high . You like to be in your own space without any distractions.

𐙚 Pile 2.

Namaste pile 2 ! Let's get with your reading :-

❥˚ You have gone through the the most intense worst phases of life in a deep manner which it could be about anything maybe work , health , physically,people or family and some people could got that evil eye on them before . You used to be that person who would get obsessed or would stick with negativity most for sake of comfort but later you realised your powers and who were you and tackled all those things and went ahead. But you may have anger tendency issues or gets cold pretty quick with people but at same your are working on it .

❥˚ You people used to be not that financially strong as you you are now or it could be that you had to make your life after many intense life struggles . You like to stay alone and enjoy not because you hate people but you just want you feel safe there in the space you have . You are very hardworking and won't let yourself have rest mostly which is not good .

❥˚ You are someone who has to face struggles regarding decisions making or you have to handle a lot in one time and this all to make you strong mentally and emotionally . The universe wants you to know that take one thing at a time and slowly open yourself to change with love again .

❥˚ You don't like to stand still at one place and it could be that you are an old soul or like too stay in greenery where there is calmness and peace . In terms of work you don't limit yourself thus always strive for best . You are good in team work but don't like to get close with people .

❥˚ Pile 2 are you truly being honest with life your living ? think about it once and do check pile 1 if felt attracted so .

𐙚 Pile 3.

Namaste pile 3 ! Let's get with your reading :-

❥˚ So, you are someone who loves and gets loved by all . You like to approach people ask them and make them feel that they are loved and not rejected. You have this kindness and compassion which is very appreciated .You could be animal lovers too . You are someone who focuses to make your enviroment and surrounding better for everyone's development. You are selfless tbh . You can literally open ngos in future .

❥˚ You have got Entrepreneurial skills and could be an empath who can understand else feelings well . You like to present yourself different and people view you as someone who was got additional skills or if they wanna plan a team they may come to you thinking you can add more then expected. You people could be artistic ,an Enthusiastic and popular.You prefer to see beauty in things rather defects .You people could have good sense of fashion or we say kinda different than the trend .

❥˚ You are someone who can go deeper in things and can work for long hours but in cozy environment of your own . You really know how to balance practical and emotional side of things and how to be fair with people .

❥˚ You are someone who may overthinks a lot and could get their work done just before Or after deadline . Don't go so fast pile 3 be little slow. Don't do things at the last moment lol .

+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:

©️ @theladybrownstarot 2023 all rights reserved. Any stealing Or copying of work will be a punishable offence.

[eggtrolls]

Congrats on being done tapering! If it's not too personal, can I ask what made you decide to rawdog life? I'm on a daily med rn, and can't really imagine being able to manage life without it, 'cause it gave me my brain back. I don't know if I will always feel like I want to take this med forever, or if I want to only take it for a while and then try my hand at life unmedicated again, but I am interested to hear about your decision making process!

I’m on day 5 of no meds and so far my head/life hasn’t exploded. I’m answering this with the strictest caveat that this is just my experience, if it doesn’t apply to your scenario, then don’t take it to heart, use critical thinking skills (old woman shakes fist at sky), etc.

N/B: I’m very lucky that my withdrawal side effects have been really minor — it’s mainly that I’m HUNGRY. This medication has some minor appetite suppressant side effects but, other than that, I can’t say that I’ve noticed any real consequences. My dose was very, very low since I’ve been tapering for a while but it’ll be a while before it’s fully out of my system so I’ll check back in maybe a month.

Background: I started taking medication (daily oral non-SSRI anti-depressant; happy to get into the details in a DM) when I was in my mid twenties and I’m now in my early thirties. My life now is completely, radically different from where it was. My external circumstances (high pressure environment, low grade abusive relationship, brand new place with no real friends or support system) are completely different. But also my internal circumstances (lack of emotional regulation, lack of self worth reinforced by abusive relationship, limited control over life and actions in general, not great relationship with family, pretty much broke) are very, very different. And changing the internal circumstances is a big part of the regular emotional maintenance grind: therapy, meds, eating the bitter greens (sometimes literally, sometimes in the form of exercise, actual self care, doing things that are otherwise hard, etc.), and so on. I haven’t been standing still while taking meds; I have been actively working on becoming a mentally healthier person.

For my specific mental health circumstances (I don’t have ADHD/autism), I view things like therapy and medication in the same way that I do PT — something you do to respond to an injury/trauma/whatever. For me, personally, the default state is one of health. It actually corresponds quite well with my recent foot injury from taekwondo: my foot was okay; I got hurt, I needed to change how I walked and used my foot and external support to help make those changes; gradually my foot healed; I was able to remove the external support(s).

Present: I started thinking about tapering off my medication when I was at the dentist and they asked if I take any medications and I said I take a daily multivitamin and [antidepressant] but not for depression - I haven’t met the criteria for depression in years - but for what my psychiatrist calls “health maintenance”. So then it’s like….what’s the point? What am I getting from this that I couldn’t provide for myself? And tapering down from my full dose to half of that, to half of that, showed me that the current reality is, without meds, I am capable of maintaining my mental health.

What makes me feel okay about going off my medication and leaving therapy is the same as what makes me feel okay not walking around in a boot anymore: I can put the boot back on if something happens. I have my podiatrist’s number the same way I have my therapist and psychiatrist’s numbers. I also have a much, much more robust social circle of people than I did when I started on meds. I have built layer upon layer of safety nets for myself. I think you, and most people, probably can do that, too, regardless of what your menty h situation is.

Future/reflections: I will say that this medication did or at least helped save my life when I started taking it but…it’s kind of like if you’re drowning and someone throws you a life preserver from the shore — you still have to grab it, put it on, and swim to land. And where I think a lot of people get stuck is the ‘swim to land’ part. They put the life preserver on and float, rather than swim. They’re no longer drowning - this is good! But they’re still getting buffeted by currents, they might get hit by a boat, there might be sharks, and the water is cold. They have been treading water, trying not to sink, for years. They are exhausted. And therefore many people feel like they have to keep going with the external supports of medications, therapy, whatever their thing is, because they do. Saying ‘why aren’t you swimming’ is not helpful which is why I’m not doing that and why this is in no way prescriptive.

(And here’s the gag: I was that person! It took me the better part of a decade to get to this point where I’m hauling my carcass up on dry land. If someone tells me I don’t “get it” because I’m sooooooo mentally well adjusted and shouldn’t talk about experiences of XYZ symptom of depression, I will kick them very, very hard)

To continue the metaphor, I also know that the shore I’m swimming to - that I’ve finally arrived at - is not the same as the one I left, and that’s fine. My foot is not the same as it was pre-injury and that’s also fine. But unlike my foot, I don’t want to return to where I was pre-meds/therapy a) because it’s not a halcyon, golden age where nothing hurts and everything is beautiful; b) because that’s where I was when I ended up needing therapy and meds in the first place; c) because that’s not even possible, but mostly d) because I found and built something better than before.

[orphicpoieses]

Life Lately

Hey there! It’s been a while since the last time I posted something.

Life was a little bit of a rollercoaster in the last few months but more on that later. If you wonder what happened to my inbox and tags: I simply forgot.

No, seriously, I have no view over the activities on here since last year summer, I guess. So I will just drop all the asks and start new.

If you already know me: welcome back to my small blog. If you don’t know who I am:

Hi. My name is Mimi. I am an aspiring writer for (dark) fantasy series and pen and paper games. Normally, I didn’t do much besides talking about my writing, but since I shifted in my day to day life to a more and more challenging and exciting schedule, I will probably turn this blog into a life diaries or something similar.

To give you a short overview over the recent events in my life, I will briefly go over them:

I had quite a pause on Project Rosary, but started again a few weeks ago. There is not much to say about this project, besides that I somehow got to meet some of my future beta readers? I now have a list for all of those people (a total list of 5 - perhaps more). I haven’t even finished draft one… I don’t know if this is a good thing or not xD

I started programming my Discord bot again! Kupla will have even more features in the future, which are currently only accessible for my close friends (Guild ID is set to our main server), but maybe, it will be available for more people in the future.

University is going quite well. I have gained a lot of new friends over the past year. I would even go over to saying I know so many people right now that I am literally overwhelmed by it to a certain point. Nevertheless, I never want to miss any one of them. Especially that one friend I am happy to call my boyfriend 💕

To be honest with you, I started writing several life updates posts but I never posted any of them. Even though so much happened in the last year and even though I could tell you so many things about all these events (organizing a huge party, being part of an official conference, publishing my first self-designed and co-written thing, new relationships, being in an official political position at university and so on and so forth), I am not sure what to write.

I don’t know if anything of this is interesting for you, since I linger in the writeblr part of tumblr.

Nothing - at least the 95% of the long list of things - is not writing related and I haven’t got the time to actually write on my own projects, even though I set myself an unofficial deadline to be done with draft 1.

Most of my time at the moment is consumed by university work and my mental health.

The truth is: my mental health is struggling at the moment to a point where my boyfriend and I agreed on changing our both schedules around, trying to become healthier in our sleep cycle, activities and overall mindset. He is way more mentally stable than I am, which is good for someone who is constantly overthinking stuff but also sometimes very frustrating.

My goal to change my daily routine is one of the most important things at the moment and by far the most present topic in my life.

I understand that this is not the content you hoped for when you saw my blog in the first place. I mean, I am originally a writing blog and people subscribe for a reason: to see exactly the content they hope to see. But at the moment, this blog is more a personal diary, instead of a blog about my projects, doing fun stuff like tag games and shoutouts.

Yes, I still love writing. Yes, I am still going to drop content about writing in the future. But this is not the only content anymore for me.

I would go on and say “drop me in the comments if you are interested in following this new journey” but obviously I will find out over interaction and follower counts.

Perhaps, I will get active again, when I have more to tell than “yay, I worked on my project for two hours but unfortunately I cannot tell you what I exactly did because I cannot risk getting rejected by an agent because I told too much”. Because my writing project is exactly that: a secret so I have a chance to get published in Germany.

Anyway, I hope I didn’t bore you to death with my little life update or scared you away that my content will be changing if I am active again.

I hope to see you soon in either the comments, reblogs or in my inbox and I wish you a very nice day.

Group hug! 💕

Let me tag you for visibility (tell me if you don’t want that in the future!)

@thetruearchmagos @enchanted-lightning-aes @yourfriendlywriter @365runesofthesystem @midnight-and-his-melodiverse @mirrorthoughts @kaatiba

[elijahkelly]

4/4/2023

In my previous post I said that my psychiatrist wants me to post on here daily. Considering I haven't posted here in over a week, you can see how that's going.

She also wanted me to start going to therapy. Again, it's been over a week and I still haven't started that either. I'm really good at this as you can see.

I've been having thoughts about my gender identity lately. I currently use he/they pronouns, but I've been starting to consider the fact that I might want to exclusively stick to they/them pronouns. I've played with this idea for a little while and I think I want to stick with he/they for now, but that's not to say that in the future I might change my view again. As of now, I think he/they describes me best.

This past weekend, we celebrated my roommate Heather's birthday. We had a party and it was a lot of fun. There was a moment at the beginning of the party that really frustrated me, though. I was in the kitchen making amoretto sours (my favorite drink). I was opening the two-liter Sprite that Heather had bought and it exploded all over me. Mind you, I was already dressed and everything, so now my nice clothes are completely drenched in sticky soda. To say I was frustrated is an understatement.

Heather was already a few drinks in, so I knew it was gonna be a struggle to talk to her about it. But whatever, I did anyways. I asked her, "Hey, what are the odds that this sprite got shaken up when you brought it home?" You would've thought I just called her a bitch, because that question really set her off. She snapped at me, saying "It's a carbonated drink, it's gonna fizz up." To that, I replied "Yeah but I didn't expect it to explode like a fucking volcano." She grabbed my shoulders (HUGE mistake) and said "You need to chill out." As if I was the one who got mad? I was just asking her if the drink had gotten shaken up. But she decided to put her hands on me. So I twisted my body away from her and said "Do NOT touch me." She got mad as if I had said something unreasonable and replied that she was going to punch me in the throat. Super reasonable response. I went into my room to cool off and tried to reason with myself. She was drunk, she wouldn't have responded that way if she were sober. But it still really pissed me off.

It's kinda difficult to find things to talk about in these, especially since my psychiatrist wants me to post daily. But I'll keep trying. Sometimes I forget about what I write about, too, so if anything is repeated just ignore me lol.

This is goodbye for now.

[deborahotero]

My shadow exploring Gros Morne National Park, Fall 2018.

Freeform Friday | Divine Timing

"Before you call you are answered, for the supply precedes the demand." - Florence Scovel Shinn

Florence and I are a little late, I know, I'm sorry - but better late than never, right? Divine timing in all affairs.

Although it is passed midnight by now, (so technically, it's Saturday) I've got a warm Bustelo from my local Dominican spot the on this desk beside my laptop - so I am up. It is still Friday, October 18th, 2024 as far as I'm concerned.

Yesterday I thought, "Oh tomorrow is Friday, I better get ready to write because I done told everyone I would post a weekly writing entry" so here goes - as promised. The power of accountability.

"I did anticipate this quiet moment with myself though, I really need it."

So let's see, where do I begin? I guess I can start with sharing what is top of mind, which is what I did today. I had a much more productive day off today than I usually have. It could be that this super full moon in Aries has something to do with it, ( I always feel like cleaning and organizing during full moons, ::pulls out my witch broom::) but I bet it's mainly because I went to bed at 10pm last night - a total miracle of God.

I actually woke up early enough to meditate, do a little at home yoga AND do my laundry - another miraculous event. My skin looked extra glowy, I didn't drag myself out of bed or snooze a million times - I wasn't at all hungover (who am I?) and just felt really good. The echinacea drops I took in the morning (my friend made me a tincture for immunity this season) also really helped my mood as an unexpected added bonus. I looked it up and although echinacea does not contain any caffeine, it is known to help calm anxiety.

My Thursday nights are my "Friday nights" because I am off the next day so it's usually my night to go out, to drink, to dance, to social butter-fly around town (as I do so effortlessly.) Last night though, and most nights as of late, I just wanted to cozy up under my comforter and watch YouTube on my ipad (i have not owned a television by choice for years now - would much rather read or watch educational, inspirational content. Call me a weirdo, a non-conformist, hipster - whatever you want. This decision has been so beneficial for my mental health that it's 100% worth not ever being a part of the most "binge-watched" show references at work - even though sometimes people really think I must live under a rock. I am so far out of the pop-culture loop.

It's ok, I'll be fine under here.

This past week my selections included talks by Jordan Peterson on relationships, Yuval Noah Harari (author of Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind) on the future of AI (I am officially terrified for the human race) and Elon Musk interviews sprinkled in. My super femme rebellious, smart and hilarious, The Slumflower Hour podcast and Earl Nightingale's magical audio, "The Strangest Secret" are usually on the list as well.

I am often told by elders that I am "wise beyond my years" and although that probably has a lot to do with my parents having me later in life, (my mom was 40 and my dad was 50 something - literally have siblings in their 50s and 60s - I am 38 and am a great auntie, Doña Debora) I think the "wisdom" they are picking up on has everything to do with the self-development content I consume daily.

Not having a TV also makes me get out of the house more.

After wrapping up my morning routine, I grabbed a carrot, orange, pineapple, lemon, ginger juice (my go-to) at the deli and hit my beloved Fort Tryon Park. I posted a few pictures of the view from there today - it was so sunny, clear and gorgeous. The leaves are changing color and everything is picturesque. Found a nice bench, read my 1% Leadership book for a bit while I soaked up a few rays and did some calming breath work. Trying to soak up every moment of the warmer weather this week before we plummet into the depths of freezing cold wintery temperatures.

I took the A downtown to see the Elephants in Migration exhibition in Meatpacking (posted a few shots, they are super cool), had the best Kale Cesar at RH Rooftop and hit up my friend's N Between Bar at Chelsea Market which was a dope intimate, speakeasy, retro vibe. Good music, cocktail list and service - would definitely recommend. Tempted to stop into the seafood spot - The Lobster Place for some oysters (SO good) but I need to save my coins,

Learning to perceive the 24 hours I am given each day as gifts that should be cherished doing what I love whenever possible. No rush, no strict rules, no company needed. Just a mind and body willing to be, willing to intuitively explore and experience all that life offers while intuitively trusting in divine timing.

With Gratitude,

Debs

[sybilances]

🔮peer into my past, my present and my future🔮

i am sybill trelawney

i am in ravenclaw

there are two Ls in my name, remember that

i sense i am joined on this website by several of my classmates, so allow me to read their futures.

The order here is just copied from Siri's blog, and I don't want to rank you guys anyways so here we have it

@im-a-not-so-sirius-star - sirius black, a gryffindor who will face great times, yes, but great hardships also. many hardships, in fact.

@rj-mo0ny-lupin - remus lupin, another gryffindor, who will face terrible losses in his future

@heres-ur-daily-dose-of-prongsie - james potter, yet another gryffindor. he will have everything he dreams of, but it will all be taken away. fast. too fast.

@wormtail-pete - peter pettigrew, still another gryffindor. he will lose everyone he loved, but learn to worship another

@ur-fave-rockstar-girl - marlene mckinnon. i'm sure you can guess what house she's in... she shall strive for greatness but get discarded like so many others

@mary-macdonald1 - mary macdonald. goodness there are a lot of gryffindors on here. she shall choose to stay safe, but at a terrible cost (account being prepared)

@lily-pad-love - lily evans. seriously why are there no other houses on here. she shall try and live her life only to have it destroyed

@aunty-emms-emporium - emmeline vance a ravenclaw (?)

@reggieblackthepoet - regulus black. a slytherin (finally! someone who's not in gryffindor). i see drowning in his future, but whether it is literal or metaphorical remains to be seen.

@barty-not-bartemius - barty crouch jr, another slytherin. tired of being in his father's shadow, he will take matters into his own hands. the consequences of his actions remain blurry to me.

@driedoutrose - evan rosier. i swear from being on here you would think hogwarts only has two houses.

Ooc: the account seems dead? They blocked me potentially. So idk what to say really... (i was going to ask them a couple questions bc idk much about evan)

@pandadoraa - pandora rosier, finally a fellow ravenclaw! she will live a nice life, not too long, not too short. and no i'm not giving her a nice prediction just because she's my friend, she's just the only one of you doomed people who has a decent future.

@cassie-meadowes - dorcas meadowes, a slytherin. she shall be very powerful, but power alone will not be enough.

why are there no hufflepuffs?

{{ooc ramblings/explanations}}

Idk how to indicate how her voice sounds to me other than that font but idk how legible it is to everyone, feel free to ask me to change :D

I have decided that she will not use capital lettes and I feel I may regret this... I'm using punctuation though bc otherwise this would be total word soup lol

Her predictions are very very very heavily inspired by canon lol

A sibilance is a hissing sound that's created as a result of the letter "s" or other letter combinations - i love english classes but now i'm a nerd oops

this is entirely for fun, and if you don’t agree with my views on sybil then there are plenty of other rp blogs out there <333

I do not support JKR if you do or are transphobic, homophobic, biphobic, racist, sexist, etc. please leave

graphics by @saradika-graphics

main is @dandelionflowery

[air3d3lalm3na]

Day update. it was a good day and I accomplished things again.

Most of the day mourning. Then a whole second day in the second half of the day, it felt like. I went out to buy Mama's clothes for the viewing. Somehow was blessed to manage to find something nice and classy and beautiful that she would have worn in her daily life on a nice day out. (At her best and happier times, before things got really hard and her health made it so much harder, and her isolation.)

Was taken to drop them off at the funeral home. The woman who works there is eons more truly kind than the church people who are so cold whom I'm having to deal with to get anywhere. She hugged me, and interestingly, instinctively, probably, she patted my back while she hugged me...like my mother did...which was learned when she burped me as a baby. I didn't say my thought but I asked her if she had kids, and she said yes, a daughter and a grandson in another state. Reflexes like that are learned and ingrained. Even if you're not literally burping an adult, but you're softly treating them like they're your child. God.... Just writing this. :''''s

Then I finally made it back home. My sister was going to come over but I got home an hour later than intended. So she came then. Still very good, because I've needed her. But we missed the event at the library, which I had intended to go to because Mama wanted for us to go together. So I hope they do more of them in future. Tarot card night. So that she and I can go together and sort of make up for that loss.

She hung out with me for hours and we just talked. Opened up a lot more about my life and she did about hers, some, too, though she was trying to be a listener for me, which was so kind.

Didn't end up being cuddly, but that will come with time. Wish it had been the right mood or energy, or that I could have it now. I'm having to take my hugs wherever I can get them. Mom and I were so physically affectionate and cuddly. Especially the harder that our lives became and how starved for grounding social connection we were. We were a team and only had each other. Yes, it was largely a chain reaction from her bad life choices. But those came from extreme, immense trauma and dissociation that had shaped her whole life. I cannot hold it against her now that she's gone. I couldn't do anything else, couldn't afford to do anything else, while she was alive, because she was still holding me back. Now I have to find a balance and it's finding me and I have to forgive. Wish to GOD it didn't have to happen this way... I wanted freedom and good life changes and a new start for us in this place, and my own independence, so that THEN I could really work on rebuilding our relationship. As it was, under her thumb I was bitter and hateful and we fought and god, fuck it was so unbelievably ugly. Back and forth between that and hugs and love because we recognized just how much we needed each other to heal.

My sister helped me to clean just by being there. She surely felt useless because I didn't invite her to do much. But typical for the ADD and just the...being human, I needed to have her around to do any of it.

Prepared more of my "forever broth" using the leftovers from before she passed away. So this was technically her last meal. I mixed the dregs of her tiny bowl into the rest of it and then added my pasta slurry/starch water and some spice and boiled it together. Ate a bowl, so this was my way of eating that meal with her one last time. The rest will go into the forever broth properly. This is my ritual now. It's like spiritual and spiritually involved and connecting for me.

When you make the same foods as your loved ones did in life, you are eating the same things, you are connected to them. With culture this means through centuries. With the "forever broth" it's even deeper. A literal part of it touched their mouth/stomach/bowl. Even years later, that was still true. Continuity in a serious way. You are still sharing that one, long meal with them. Together.

Even if I for some reason lost or finished this batch one day, I can always make the same foods. I have that knowledge in me. She was praising me for really having begun to teach myself how to cook. As in, without fearfully following recipes, hoping not to fail or fuck up. I learned that cooking traditionally wasn't and didn't have to be that: recipes are just guidelines. So it freed me to finally be confident with it. I enjoyed learning from her.

I need to get all of Nana's recipes from her psycho brother. He has all the copies. I will make them and feel things about the ones she made. I will try to remember recipes that were favorites of hers or her own, not just her mother's. Her adaptations. If I can.

I could write and write. I'm done for the night.

No benadryl. This will be interesting.

Good night. So, hopefully, good night's sleep, too.

Fitting and also spiritual that the third day was easier. Also so evident that socialization heals me, at least the right way anyway.

It looks as though I will be forced by money constraints to cremate instead of bury. So I am insistent on a viewing beforehand. Yes, I am bitter abou this and will probably deeply continue to be. Greed. Greed.

On the way to the thrift store to buy her clothing, I was in an Uber with a Turkish man who spoke to me of his own loss of his 35/36? year old wife, to a heart attack. And how he would never love again. Mom was like that with my stepdad.... I get it. I get it. He helped me immensely and was so kind.

Goodness exists. I feel things. Keeping going.

[cattatonically]

A Change of View - Freya Barker (Northern Lights, book 2)

Synopsis

What if one morning you look in the mirror and no longer recognize the person looking back?

When Leelo can no longer identify herself by the roles that once defined her, it’s both terrifying and liberating. Oh, she feels the loss, the grief, and then the anger, but when she inherits property up north, she jumps at the promise of freedom and independence.

Yet not everyone in her new community is what they seem, starting with the surly mountain man down the road.

As owner of the local fishing lodge, Roar is content with his everyday life. And the older he gets, the less he appreciates change. So when a blue-haired, tattooed ‘city girl’ moves into the old motel, shaking up his daily routine, he’s none too pleased.

Still, something about the woman’s easy smile and almost reckless grit has him step up as her keeper.

My Thoughts

I enjoyed this book a lot more than I thought would, and most of that has so much to do with the nostalgia factor.

I was absolutely, thoroughly surprised to read this story take place new Wawa, which is so very close to my own hometown. (Anyone who’s familiar with that area of Northern Ontario knows just how close a lot of those communities are.) It was honestly a bit of a blast from the past to realize I recognized a lot of the names of the roads, the surrounding area, and even some of the local businesses in Wawa! And honestly, that’s probably a large reason why Leelo and Roar appealed to me so much.

Roar is exactly the kind of rough and gruff sort of man that I remember growing up with. He’s good with his hands, extremely handy, and extremely loyal to those who are near and dear to his heart. Leelo, on the other hand, is a no-nonsense city girl who takes no prisoners.

I loved watching their interactions. Fresh off a bad divorce (cannot relate at all, nope, not even a little [cue sarcasm]), Leelo gives absolutely zero shits. And watching her mouth off, stand her ground, and put men in their place was exquisite for me to read. I adored watching Leelo come into her own, and really take hold of her own life, and her own future.

Honestly, this book felt like a fresh new beginning, which is exactly what I’m in the market for in my own life right now. Being able to live vicariously through Leelo, even just for a little while, was empowering to me. And having this story hit close to home (literally) was a really nice bonus.

I’m really enjoying reading these stories take place in areas that I’m familiar with. I can’t wait to see which Canadian love story comes next.

[chierushi]

REVIEW, Part 2: The Prince of Egypt (1998)

Disclaimer: This was written in April of 2021, but couldn't continue due to Tumblr's image limit. They only allowed 10 per post, but now it's 30! Still too little for my review though, so I need to do this in parts. Link for Part 1 here.

Ramses has manifested years of invalidation from his father by making everything grander than what it is now, thinking that this way, he can one up all the past kings of his nation. Moses is walking towards him, seeing more clearly the exploitation around him. Ramses says, “Moses, look!”

Moses is now being bombarded with truth bombs of the past and present: the history written over every pillar, and the current suffering around him.

Then, we see an Egyptian guard doing his duty of exercising his power over a Hebrew, a daily routine. Moses hears it. Miriam hears it. Aaron does too, but his hopelessness made him prefer to stick to the status quo. Like everyone in Egypt, he chooses to ignore. In his case, it is understandable, since he's not in a position of power. Their defiance can be accused as rebellion, and they still fear for their lives. Maybe, some of them have figured out that it’s better living awfully than dying.

Ramses, still babbling about plans of making the palace bigger and grander, is in background. Moses is far away from the chaos but he hears the Egyptian guard and the Hebrew louder. Whether he actually hears the conversation or is imagining the dialogue, we don’t know. He ran towards the unfortunate man being beaten up and tried to rescue him. The slave driver unfortunately fell to his death.

One of them asked, “Who did this?” Somebody answered, “Up there!” Notice this neat switch, Moses seen from top view looking over the commotion, and then to him being beside the Hebrew people, as if he's starting to feel he belongs somewhere else.

He runs to the palace, now with Israelites’ homes in view. A similar occurrence happened prior to this but with Egypt’s statues instead.

Now, it’s Ramses' turn to convince Moses that what they’re doing is just. We hear the future Pharaoh take his place, saying things only God should say.

Young Moses: You saw what happened. I just killed a man.

Rameses: We can take care of that. I will make it so it never happened.

Young Moses: Nothing you can say can change what I've done.

Rameses: I am Egypt! The Morning and The Evening Star! If I say "Day is Night," it will be written, and you will be what I say you are! I say you are innocent.

Moses runs away from Egypt for good this time. He took off all his accessories but his ring. Somewhere in his journey, he saved some girls from bullies, which happen to be daughters of the high priest of the land. There, he found the woman they imprisoned. Her name is Zipporah.

In Midian, it’s as if he’s born again. He was stripped naked, literally, even having the same red blanket covered around him. Jethro, the high priest, repeated the Egyptian princess’ words of him being a blessing. “You should not be a stranger to this land,” he says.

In Midian, Moses didn’t need much effort to be recognized, as opposed to his upbringing. Jethro even reprimanded him for not considering his actions honorable. He told him to “look at his life through heaven’s eyes,” pushing Moses further to keep in mind the grand scheme of things, and refuse to only see himself.

This song is the most religious one in the movie. I love how it’s not imposing of Christian faith. Heaven’s eyes can mean a divine being for a believer, and a new perspective for agnostics. As humans, we can all agree that life is not only about you.

Then, we see Moses being dragged by a sheep to a cave, leading him to The Burning Bush.

This is my favorite scene! Moses went through all “comforting” words from his adoptive parents and his brother, but they’re all self-serving. Jethro, though, did welcome him dearly, but it’s only a glimpse of heaven. Here, in The Burning Bush, Moses did not just feel loved and recognized; he's also chosen. God showed him this won’t be an easy path to take, but He will be with him.

This is the first time we see Moses shed a tear.

I’m amazed at how this was a celebration for Moses. If I were him, I’d be terrified to ask the most powerful nation-slash-oppressor to let their slaves go, pretty much at how Zipporah reacted when Moses told her what happened. She says to him, “But, Moses, you are just one man.”

Moses: Look at your family. They are free. They have a future. They have hopes and dreams, and the promise of a life with dignity. That is what I want for my people. And that is why I must do the task that God has given me.

I admire that he’s not doing this just because God told him so. This is not blind obedience. He wants this to happen even before he left Egypt; he just doesn’t have the willpower to do so.

Moses decides to go back to Egypt. Ramses welcomed him warmly, even when the priests reminded the Pharaoh of his crimes. Moses was declared pardoned. His words are out of love, at least on surface, but Moses knows this power and privilege is coming from an evil system, and should be allowed no further.

Ramses brings Moses to a private room, where the Hebrews are seen doing their work. Look at the difference in their perspectives. Moses saw injustice below, but when asked what Ramses saw, he looked straight, seeing only the beauty of Egypt. We see a bigger statue of himself beside his father’s statue.

Rameses: He was a great leader.

Moses: His hands bore the blood of thousands of children.

Rameses: Hmph. Slaves.

Moses: My people. And I can no longer hide in the desert while they suffer at your hands.

Rameses: So, you have returned, only to free them.

Ramses fights back his emotions as he slowly accepts that Moses won’t be going back as his brother, but as a defiant of his kingdom. His eyes show his compassion towards Moses. I particularly love the switch in this scene. The long pause, the short zoom in, and music accompaniment made it much better. This is the first time he looks at Moses with these eyes.

A reiteration of an earlier scene: the characters separated by pillars and shadows as tension rises. Moses is in a much brighter spot than Ramses, too. Oddly enough, the Pharaoh is not at his throne. The rift really is between brothers.

To prove that Ramses is a better king than his father, as what he does to all other things, he commanded for labor to be doubled.

As Moses leaves, Aaron argues with Moses because it seems like he made the situation worse.

Moses: I didn't mean to cause you more pain. I'm just trying to do as God told me.

Aaron: God? When did you start caring about any of us? In fact, Moses, when did you start caring about slaves? Was it when you found out that you were one of us?

Zipporah: Don't listen to him.

Moses: No, he's... he's right. I did not see because I did not wish to see.

Aaron did make sense. He obviously has put a lot of thought into this. But aren’t we all like Moses? Masquerading our actions as God’s commands but in reality, we’re just being selfish? Caring only when it affects us, or anyone we hold dear?

Miriam comes at the right time to knock some sense into these two. 

Miriam: I have been a slave all my life, and God has never answered my prayers until now. God saved you from the river, he saved you in all your wanderings, and even now he saves you from the wrath of Pharaoh. God will not abandon you, so don't you abandon us.

Moses sees Ramses on a boat. He comes near, pleading his case once more. His brother, now with newfound anger, commands the guards to bring Moses to him. God made his presence felt by turning the river into blood. We see Moses unaffected by it as he stands in the waters.

This is probably my favorite line from the movie:

Aaron: But, Moses, d-didn't you see what happened? The priests did the same thing. Pharaoh still has the power over our lives.

Moses: Yes, Aaron, it's true. Pharaoh has the power. He can take away your food, your home, your freedom. He can take away your sons and daughters. With one word, Pharaoh can take away your very lives. But there is one thing he cannot take away from you: your faith. Believe, for we will see God's wonders.

God didn’t discourage Moses when He told him Pharaoh would not give in to his pleas. God assured Moses that He is all-powerful and all-knowing, that He knows what He's doing and the events that will transpire. He didn’t hide the challenges of the task, too. And Moses is a big scaredy-cat, but He's a big believer, too. There is a grain of truth in our fears, but in this story, we are taught to look at ourselves in heaven’s eyes. In the grand scheme of things, there is a Higher Being.

As plague after plague happens, we see Moses and Ramses mainly on the montage. While this is about God wreaking havoc to the oppressors of His people, this is also a grapple between two brothers. The movie does not intend to steal the spotlight from God, but simply recognizes the human factor behind all this.

The color themes of these characters are more apparent than ever. Notice the shift: earlier, the bright colors belonged to the Egyptians due to their sun god Ra. Now, Moses has it, as God reclaims sovereignty.

Now we have arrived to probably the most hauntingly beautiful scene from the movie:

The last plague is the most important of all, for it also speaks of Christ’s salvation. The film didn’t dwell much into the details of God’s command to mark the doorposts of their houses with blood, which I think is good for general audiences. There’s so much to talk about here, but I love that even from the limited screen time of this part, it delivered an important message: no one, not the favored, not the richest, not the most powerful, is saved from the wrath of God. Only those protected by the blood of the Lamb will be saved.

Of all the depictions of the Exodus story, this is the only one that showed the angel of death as white and less scary. It was eerie, though. It helps the viewer to take in the fact that while death brings misery, in this case, it also brings justice. The goodness of God is shown as He halts the evil nation that’s hounding his people.

Moses tries to offer his condolences to Ramses. In a low voice, Ramses gave his approval to let the Hebrews go.

Moses should be celebrating, right? He got his wish. But the movie didn’t intend to focus only on the macro level. The storytelling is from the point of view of humans, specifically, two brothers who are in an arduous path of leading their nation. We have to remember that this is Moses’ nephew, too. For justice, his brother's son has died. The family he grew up with, who is unfortunately the Pharaoh, is mad at him. We see him mourning alone.

Now that they have the Pharaoh’s Yes, the Hebrews start packing, and going. But we all know the story. Ramses changed his mind and chased after them. While the pillar of fire is protecting the Hebrews from the Egyptian army, they have a boundless sea on the other end. When there’s nowhere to go, what do you do? We barely hear Moses speak religiously in this movie (he’s usually just goofy), but here he is, remembering God’s one command to him: “With this staff, you shall do my wonders!”

Aaron, the most skeptic of them all, now in the most terrifying miracle God has done in their lives so far, didn’t hesitate to step forward first and go through the parted sea.

Ramses waited for the pillar of fire to go out and chase God’s people. When the pillar went out and saw the sea was still parted, he paused. Should he keep chasing them? "The sea is still parted, why not?" he maybe thought. The fact that this phenomenon is caused by God didn't occur to him, most likely. He pursued the Hebrews and met his demise. The army followed the Pharaoh and got drowned in the sea, while the Hebrews got out of it at just the right time.

Zipporah: Look. Look at your people, Moses. They are free.

As the movie ends, we see Moses, descending from Mount Sinai with the ten commandments, overlooking his people. He takes a good look at the nation of Israel. They’re free now. Yes, they’re still under a High Power, but they’re under new Management. They’re now in God’s hands.

"I am who I am. Say this to the people of Israel: I am has sent me to you. Say this to the people of Israel: Yahweh, the God of your ancestors—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you. This is my eternal name, my name to remember for all generations." (Exodus 3:14)

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

I love how Dracula Daily has given me a new perspective on Lucy. It’s completely changed my view of her.

It’s easy to dismiss Lucy as a shallow, golden child socialite to be, but now, reading the book in chronological order (and with the rest of Tumblr following along) I can’t read this latest letter without a great twinge of sadness, where before I largely dismissed it as idle chat.

The latest we heard from Lucy in her private diary was about how stressed and scared she is, how she feels isolated, how she feels the need to quiet people’s fears about her health and be fun and jolly, while in reality she is (literally and figuratively) drained.

And now, five days later, she writes to Mina after receiving her best friend’s glowing letter about how happy and excited she is to finally be married to Jonathan and their hopes for the future.

So Lucy puts on a brave face! She doesn’t tell Mina anything. What could Mina do anyway? All the way across the ocean? Better not to worry her. Yes I’m quite well again! No more sleepwalking for me! Definitely not :)

You and Jonathan should come back home soon! For Jonathan’s sake! (Please)

With this new lens, we read between the lines, and they paint a dreadfully lonely and terrifying picture.

[dangercocktail]

Late Night Television

Tossing and turning for the better part of the night, Isaac glanced at his phone with the dryness of an insomniac’s eyes. Somewhere after 3 am and he was failing miserably to fall asleep. Sighing in annoyance mostly at himself for not taking edibles or something stronger before bed, he roused himself and threw a pair of basketball shorts over his underwear. Isaac wandered out of his bedroom to the rest of the house. 

Stopping briefly to grab a glass of water from the kitchen, Isaac scratched his relatively flat stomach as he made his way to the couch, scrolling through images on his phone. Flipping on the TV, he began highlighting his favorite streaming service when the screen distorted and the input changed. The television had switched to basic cable channels.

“These still exist?” Isaac thought as he took a sip of water. The flashing lights of the television illuminated the room in brightness that almost hurt Isaac’s eyes. On screen, a workout video demonstration was in progress as an extremely fit man insisted viewers call as soon as possible to order the program. 

“No thanks,” Isaac said out loud, pressing the input button on his remote. The flashing lights disappeared and the cool black of streaming channel icons returned. Guiding the remote’s button through them, he began to select one when the screen distorted again. The fitness instructor was back and the volume on his TV began climbing up on its own.

“You there at home!” the man bellowed. “You’re thinking to yourself, how did I get like this?”

Isaac looked at the remote in growing frustration and muttered, “No, I’m thinking what the fuck is wrong with my TV?”

“Well I’ll tell you, it’s because you’re always on that couch,” the television fitness instructor said. “Lazy, feet up, never going for the goals you know you should be!”

As the man said ‘feet up’, the recliner in Isaac’s couch sprang open, leaning Isaac back into the couch and suspending his feet in the air with such speed that it made him audibly gasp.

“The fuck?” Isaac uttered, slightly unnerved. He chalked most of the weirdness he was feeling to being exhausted. As he started to lean forward to push the leg rest down, he heard the man on screen continue.

“And that’s why you’re soft, you’re practically glued to that couch. You lack the discipline that my program can provide. Sure, sure, it started with a few pounds, some extra cookies here, another slice of pizza there, and you started getting soft in the stomach,”’ the man said as other fitness models behind him began doing pushups. Isaac stopped attempting to close the foot rest and immediately leaned back into the couch. It physically felt impossible to not do so. As he sank into the cushions under protest, his stomach began slowly swelling, starting with his lower belly pushing out then wrapping around his belly button like a doughnut. In the span of about ten seconds, he had gained fifteen pounds of belly fat. 

“What the hell?!” Isaac panicked, grabbing at the small ball of fat in his lap. The man on the screen continued.

“But it didn’t stop there, did it? Bad habits breed more bad habits, they’re like rabbits that way,” the man said, his onscreen fitness models moving into sit ups. “Those extra cookies and slices of pizza turn into daily routines; you found yourself seeking out the worst kinds of food that turned that initial fifteen pounds into fifty.”

While Isaac still marveled in shock at the small belly doughnut of fat in his hands, it began swelling through his fingers. The doughnut blossomed and spread around his sides as it moved like a bag filling with pudding. Love handles wobbled into existence and began inflating as the fat moved up his ribcage laying a foundation of frosting-like fat across his torso. It reached his chest where his nipples, tingling with the movement, widened slightly and became puffy. His chest itself developed a slight pudgy layer but then the growth stopped. 

“How is this happening…” Isaac murmured in mounting disbelief, looking down at his larger body. His legs and arms were slightly thicker and his belly now rested like an overinflated basketball in his lap. He grabbed his belly and shook it, the jiggle and wobble of it shaking his love handles and sending slight vibrations through his chest. He tried scooting forward with force to escape the couch but couldn’t get the momentum, his tubby belly making it harder than before to lean forward.

“And ladies and gentlemen, I know it didn’t stop there for you. It’s all too common. Once you’ve gotten a little weight on, you feel like the game is over. That you’ve lost. And that’s when you really binge, because why not? That’s when you become one of those sad people at the buffet, plate after plate after plate, because you’ve given up completely…”

“No…” Isaac uttered as he heard his stomach gurgle again. With a strain and then tear, he felt his ass inflate rapidly, ripping through his underwear and then his oversized basketball shorts. Isaac felt his body rise on the couch several inches as his butt grew, expanding beyond the expanse of the one cushion he was on and starting to lap onto either side, one cheek wedging up against the armrest. As he felt the growth of his behind begin to slow, the mammoth momentum picked up in other areas. 

Isaac’s belly began inflating again, his lower belly stretching and swelling as it began overlapping his crotch, deepening his belly button as it rounded further from Isaac’s view. As his midsection grew to the size of a bean bag chair, Isaac’s chest also began inflating, his nipples puffing up further and widening in a circular motion as his chest jiggled into their own bags of teardrop shaped pudding, rising in the air atop his belly and wrapping around under his armpits. Isaac frantically grabbed at all parts of his body in some vain attempt to hold the fat back but everything was growing unrestrained. As he grabbed and prodded, his own fingers swelled up, the knuckles and individual portions of his fingers disappearing into swollen hot dog like appendages. With a final glance before his belly swelled too big, he saw his feet begin taking on a bee stung appearance as they filled with fat as well.

As all the rest of his body settled into its now obese proportions, Isaac felt a heaviness enter his neck. 

“No no no…” he exclaimed, putting two fat hands on either side of his face. Isaac’s cheeks inflated with fat, merging with a roll that had already started on his neck. As he moved his hands all over his face, he could feel his jawline slowly disappearing as it officially merged with his still rounding neck roll.

The man on the TV continued.

“Now I don’t want to alarm anyone right now. But I seriously believe that if you don’t call this number right now and start this program, there’s no telling what your future may hold. You might end up one of these people so lazy and big they can’t get off their couch, a huge caricature of the potential they once had, a literal ball of fat,” the man said as Isaac looked on in horror. The man seemed to be staring directly at him through the TV screen.

Isaac scrambled to grab his cell phone and call the number. Casting about wildly with his eyes for his phone, he saw the edge of it wedged between his thigh and belly, almost completely obscured. With a heavy huff and a push of effort, Isaac leaned forward to grab it.

His hand fell over a foot short. Issac couldn’t reach the edge of his now massive belly nor touch his own belly button, much less the phone resting on his thigh. And that was when what the man had said fully sunk in. With another gurgling in his stomach, Isaac’s eyes went wide as his body began expanding again, the couch creaking under his massive form as he felt himself expanding in all directions, the fat of his neck melding into his shoulders as he began to grow into a human sphere. His thoughts turned quickly though, as his brain underwent its own change as his body inflated. The horror of his bodily change slowly drained from his mind as a new thought began to take over...‘I’m hungry.”

“So act fast folks, this offer won’t last….”. 

With that final statement, the TV clicked off.

[myherowritings]

PART 6. FUCK THE RICH, STEAL THEIR CANDY

SUMMARY. Todoroki Shouto was a wealthy, young CEO who inherited his father’s enterprise. You were a barista at a local cafe who wouldn’t mind some extra cash. One day, Shouto came in during an early morning shift and tipped you such a large sum of money, you were certain it had to have been an accident. To your surprise and complete pleasure: It was not.

PAIRING. ceo!todoroki shouto x barista!reader

WORD COUNT. 3.7k

GENRE. ceo/barista au, fluff, eventual smut

WARNINGS. enji...ew, some judgmental rich people, just a little bit of sexual tension and suggestive content to prep for the next part ;3

A/N. gala time omg let’s gooooo writing this made me 100% ready to fight rich ppl fjhjkgf and want to give shouto all the kisses ;p i hope you enjoy and tysm for reading!! xx sof 

SERIES MASTERLIST

© myherowritings — all rights reserved. reposting, modifying, copying, or translating of any kind is not allowed. do not read my writing as asmr. do not plagiarize.

The only thing you hoped for this past week was for Shouto not to regret the events that happened in the dressing room. (Or, more precisely, the events that didn’t happen because of an interruption but you both had very much wanted to happen at the time.) 

(Or so you hoped he did. It seemed like he did…) 

You groaned, burrowing your face in your pillows after flopping back onto your bed after a shower. Why was this so confusing? 

It wasn’t like Shouto was ignoring you or pretending nothing happened, but he’s just been so busy with work neither of you had time to sit down and really talk. You briefly got to see him for his daily morning coffee runs but you didn’t want to accidentally ruin what little time throughout the work week the two of you had by bringing it up. And now it was the weekend, which would have been the perfect time to talk about it, if not for the fact Shouto was picking you up to get ready at his place and then head to a super fancy gala in less than an hour! 

With a charity ball full of strangers you had to prepare for, you supposed your potential romance could take the back seat for a little while longer. 

At least the fruity little candies would be there waiting for you. 

Snapping you out of your thoughts, your phone buzzed with a message from Shouto telling you he was less than 20 minutes away from your place. Within the last few minutes, you double checked you had the necessities, like your makeup and clothes and hair supplies and shoes and possibly every ‘getting ready’ product you could think of under the sun, all ready to go. Your dress was already hanging in Shouto’s house, ready for you to change into.

Apparently, there wasn’t a moment left to spare since you soon got a call with him telling you he had just arrived. Taking deep breaths, you walked out your door, lugging your bag of belongings in tow.

“Good afternoon, Y/N,” Shouto greeted as you settled into his car. He smiled as you reached over to give him a quick side hug. He squeezed your shoulder gently. “Nervous about tonight?” 

You tried to calm the tapping your fingers were doing against the inside of the car door. “Is it obvious?” 

“Not really,” he assured. “Regardless, you shouldn’t worry. You’ll be an amazing date and we don’t even need to stay the whole time if you would rather not.” 

Amazing date date? Or amazing fake date? 

Would it be too forward of you to ask? (Not that anything could’ve been more forward than Shouto pinning you against a wall and almost kissing you just a few days ago.) 

“You’re right, it’ll be fine!” you said, trying to sound more confident than you felt. “After all, you’ll be there.” 

A smile. “Hm.”

It didn’t take very long for you to get from your place to his seeing as he lived relatively close to his work and therefore yours. He parked in front of a luxury high-rise apartment that was characterized by glass windows and angled architecture. It looked like something straight out of Portfolio Magazine. 

“All those ‘Japan’s Youngest CEO Bachelor’ tabloids are starting to make sense now,” you said with a teasing whistle, following Shouto into the building after being greeted by the security guards and receptionist. 

He held his hand out to you and you placed yours in his palm as he led you to the VIP elevator that brought you all the way up to the top floor. His hand gave yours a soft squeeze when he noticed your gaze darting around the area nervously. 

When the elevator doors opened, your eyes widened as you took in the ceramic floor tiles, the spotless walls, floor-to-ceiling mirror columns, and the natural light pouring in through the bare, glass windows. “Whoa— This looks like a wealthy bachelor pad if I’ve ever seen one.”

Letting go of your hand, Shouto offered to take your bag of belongings and brought it to a room for you to get ready in. “Do you...not like it?” 

“Oh, that’s not it at all!” You shook your head earnestly. “This place is so beautiful! And a little cold.” 

Both literally and metaphorically. 

His penthouse was elegant and sleek, with tasteful decor that probably cost more than a month’s salary for you. But it seemed a little...empty. Not like a home. 

Apparently, Shouto agreed. 

“I live here because it’s close to work. But it’s a little unwelcoming,” he admitted wryly. “Not something I ever really settled into. Though my mother and sister did try to help decorate.” 

You looked at the finely chosen contemporary paintings displayed on some of the walls. “They have good eyes.”

Shouto nodded but appeared to be in pensive thought. “If I were to ever settle down with a family, it wouldn’t be here. But this is what’s most suitable for now.” 

Running your fingers against the cold glass windows, you peered down into the city in an attempt to calm your fluttering heart having just learned Shouto valued having a family in the future. Something in you just liked hearing he one day wanted to settle down with someone. You bit your lower lip to stop a hopeful smile from spreading. 

“I’m sure you’ll be a great husband and father when the day comes,” you said quietly, still gazing out the window to avoid looking into his eyes. “But, um, anyway— I should start getting ready now! Don’t want us to be late for tonight.” 

His hand that was reaching out to hold you suddenly dropped to his side as he stepped away at your words. “Of course.”

You silently cursed yourself under your breath, wishing you had waited a few moments to talk so you could’ve seen what he was going to do. Would he have tried to kiss you again? You hoped that was the case, but it was too late to know for sure now.

“You can get ready in here,” said Shouto, opening the door to what looked like a guest bedroom, your dress hanging on an armoire inside. “There’s your dress. And the bathroom is right there if you need it.”

“Thank you, Shouto.” You resisted the urge to plop right on the huge bed and jump on it while he was in the room. “I’ll try to be quick!” 

“No need to rush; we have time.” He checked the watch on his wrist before turning to you. “I’ll be in the shower for a bit but if you need anything just let me know.” 

In the shower? While you were under the same roof? Your stomach did funny flips at the thought. 

“I’ll keep your offer in mind,” you said playfully, glancing over at the dress. You’d need his assistance sooner or later buttoning the dress up, but there was sadly no time for funny business if you wanted to make it to the gala in a timely manner. 

When Shouto left the room to take a shower, you began getting ready yourself. You did your hair and makeup in a way that made you feel confident and happy, and by the time you were done about two hours had passed. All you had left was to change into the dress and throw on some fancy shoes and you’d be set with time to spare. 

You were just wondering if Shouto was almost ready when you heard a knock on the door.

Speak of the devil. Or angel. He was much too sweet to be the devil, after all. 

“Everything okay in there?” he asked, voice muffled from the outside of the wall. 

You nodded before realizing he couldn’t see you. “Yeah! Just putting on the dress now.” 

There was a shuffle outside then a pause. Then, “Did you want any help?” 

“Yes, please.” You slipped into your outfit and pulled the front over your chest. The fabric was light against your body, making it feel almost ethereal. 

After a while, Shouto cautiously opened the door to the room and you turned to catch sight of him. He was dressed up in a fitted black suit with silky red trimmings and a tie that matched the color of your dress. His hair was combed back and to the side, pulled out of his face and giving you a clear view of his forehead. That was one pretty forehead. 

All in all, he looked as handsome as ever, but with some extra pizzazz. 

“You look great,” you both said at the same time. 

There was a beat of silence, then you both laughed.

“I’m only half in my dress and I’m sure I look a bit unruly, but thank you,” you giggled as Shouto walked over to grasp at the fastens on the back of your gown. 

He shook his head. “You look beautiful like you always do. The dress just helps compliment it even more.” 

His words brought warmth to your cheeks and you were glad you were faced away from him so he couldn’t see your all too pleased expression. “Smooth talker much?” 

“Not flattery. Just the truth.” 

Your smile grew even wider. “Hm.” 

Shouto nimbly fastened the buttons on your back, cold fingertips lightly grazing your skin in ways that sent shivers down your spine. You closed your eyes and hoped that was only a phrase and that he couldn’t actually tell how much your body was affected from such a simple touch by sensing shivers in your spine. 

You held your breath as he travelled up your back, skin sparking against skin. Time seemed to slow down as he closed the last few buttons. 

“Finished,” he said quietly, though his hands didn’t move from their position on you. 

Turning around, you caught his palms in yours, lightly stroking his knuckles with your thumb. Shouto looked down at your hands joined together then back at you.

You murmured, “Thanks for your assistance.” 

The tips of your noses were almost brushing together as you stared up at him. If either one of you were to lean forward a few centimeters more, your lips would be touching. Just like in the fitting room last weekend.

And just like in the fitting room, Shouto’s hands encircled your waist and toyed with the buttons on your dress while you tugged at his color. 

But just like in the fitting room, there was an interruption mere seconds before the kiss. It’s just that, this time, the interruption was from you.

“Wait! I have makeup on!” you cried, pulling away in despite the dissatisfaction you knew the both of you were feeling. “If we kiss it might get messed up and I’ll have to redo it and then we’ll be late to the gala.”

He made deep a sound of frustration. “Fuck the gala.” 

You wanted to. In this very moment, you would much rather ditch the gala and fuck something else, but you had to remain somewhat rational. “But we made a commitment to show up, didn’t we?” 

Shouto looked down like he had just been chided. “We did.” 

“Plus… The candy!” 

He blinked before a grin took over his face. He chuckled, “Of course. Can’t forget the greatest candy heist of the year.” 

“Exactly!”

His smile was amused but his hands rested intimately on your hips. “Besides, you put in effort to get ready for tonight, it’d be a disservice to keep you from showing it off.” 

Your cheeks warmed at his compliment as you let out a laugh. “Flatterer,” you accused, though your tone had no bite to it. Instead, it was teasing as you brought your palm up to cup his jaw. “We should probably get going if we don’t want to be late, hmm?”

“Mm.”

“But first—” You planted a kiss on his cheek, giving him just a small hint of what could come later that night. When you pulled away, there was a lipstick mark in the shape of your lips where his jawline met his cheek an you smiled, satisfied with your work. 

His grip on you tightened as his gaze turned hooded. “If I’m a flatterer, you’re being a tease.” 

“Sounds like a good combination to me.”

— ✩ —

Oddly enough, the Naruhata Charity Gala was going quite well. 

The food was yummy, there were cute places for you and Shouto to sneak off and take obnoxious selfies, and—most importantly—there were bowls of free candies scattered throughout the entire premise. 

A whole building was rented out for the charity ball to be held and the venue even had an outdoor pool and with complimentary champagne (not that anyone was exactly prepared to take a dip in the middle of the night, but the only thing that mattered to the guests was that you could). 

Both of you were having fun.

You met some of Shouto’s friends, got complimented by the DJ for your...enthusiastic dance skills on the dance floor, and, for most of the night, Shouto was successful in avoiding making conversation with his father. 

Things were going well. Until they weren’t. 

You and Shouto were standing in a hallway just outside the main ballroom, exchanging jokes and talking about how many crabcakes a person could fit in their mouth. Totally business as usual, until you heard a group of people whispering only mere feet away from you. 

“Are you sure that’s them?” a woman in a red dress whispered—and you used that term rather subjectively since the whisper could be heard by practically half the room—as she glanced at you.

Seeing their gazes, you froze in your spot. Shouto must have heard them to since his brows furrowed as he held you closer to him, protectively. 

“And you really heard them, right? Mr. Todoroki has a… You know…”  

Another girl who you recognized as another customer from the dress store the other day nodded her head. “Yes, I overheard it with my own two ears when I was getting my outfit. That’s Mr. Todoroki and his sugar baby!”

You almost choked on your crabcake. 

Shouto rubbed circles into your back. “You okay?”

“Peachy,” you said sheepishly, trying not to draw even more attention to yourself than there already was. On the plus side, at least more people would notice how hot you look in this dress with your hair and makeup done. (Though it might be for the wrong reasons…) 

You vaguely recalled teasing Shouto about looking like a sugar daddy, and he joked back. But you didn’t think anyone would want to gossip enough to overhear a joke and spread it around as a rumor! 

The group began chattering some more and seemed to gain a crowd. You even saw a large figure you recognized as Todoroki Enji walking towards you.

“I’m going to have to clear things up, aren’t I?” 

Shouto shook his head, a frown present on his face. But you knew his displeasure wasn’t directed at you. “You don’t need to pay attention to this nonsense. People can think what they want.” 

“It’s okay! I don’t want to ruin your reputation with the media when I was initially here to help it get better. Besides, they don’t seem to be doing it maliciously. They’re just curious.” 

He looked at you, but before he could think of the words to say, you walked over to the group of gossiping partygoers. 

You tapped on the shoulder of the one you saw at the store. “Hi! Excuse me…” All eyes turned to you and you tried not to shrink down. “I, ah, I know what you overheard that day at the dress retailers, but I just wanted to clear it up and say it was a joke! Funny right? Well, maybe not so funny to you guys, but it was just an inside joke between me and Shouto.” You laughed, growing nervous at the lack of response. “You see, I’m not actually his sugar—” 

Just then, a booming voice interrupted, “Shouto! What are you thinking, son?”

You almost jumped at the sound and turned towards the direction of your date. As you whirled around, you made eye contact with him. Shouto had a furious expression on his face, but when his gaze met yours he tried giving you a comforting smile. Seeing his distress, you immediately made your way back to him.

“A nice woman to boost your media image,” Enji whispered, trying to lead his son to a less crowded area, probably so no one else would overhear or spread more rumors. “That’s all I asked for. Not a…a…you know!”

Was it a criterion that rich people must not know how to whisper? you asked yourself. Either, one, no one was actually trying to whisper, or two, they could not control their volume very well. 

“Actually,” you spoke up from behind him. When Enji turned to look at you, you gave him a wave before walking over to Shouto’s side. “I’m not his sugar baby. But even if I were, what’s it to you?” 

There was a hush of silence that settled around the room and you almost had to laugh at how comical it was. 

“As long as it’s an agreement between two consenting adults, there’s nothing wrong with it,” you said, hoping it didn’t just go in one of his ears and out the other. “You could think of it as like a business deal, but...with more of a relationship aspect.” 

Enji’s face turned a shade of red. “That’s not the sort of people someone with Shouto’s upbringing should hang around with. I don’t know how you were raised, but—” 

“Stop it, father.” Shouto’s voice was angry as he clenched his jaw. But his arm was wrapped around your waist. You gently squeezed his hand with yours. “You don’t get to make assumptions about Y/N without ever even talking to them.”

“Shouto,” he said in a warning tone when he noticed more and more people were paying attention to them. This didn’t exactly seem like the attention he wanted. “We can talk about this later.”

Shouto frowned. “There’s nothing to talk about. All you have to do is say sorry to Y/N and then we can leave.” He turned around to the crowd trying to pretend they weren’t listening in. “And everyone else, you can stop eavesdropping.” 

They look startled at the forward confrontation and you stifled a giggle, leaning into your date with a smile. 

He gave you a chaste kiss on your forehead before murmuring under his breath, “Everyone attending a charity gala just to brag about how generous they are but then turning around to judge everyone who might not be in the same circle as them? How shameless.”

Although it seemed like he was whispering it, your hypothesis that rich people really didn’t know how to whisper was right, since it was loud enough for the whole room to hear. Not that you or Shouto seemed to mind. 

“You know, if you’re not going to apologize to Y/N, there’s no reason we should stay any longer,” he told his dad as a stiff goodbye. 

You nodded in agreement before taking a handful of candy from a nearby bowl. “Well, now there’s no reason to stay.” 

Spinning on your heel, the two of you headed for the exit, somehow not caring but all too aware of the eyes on you at the same time. Before reaching the door, Shouto grabbed two bowls of candy in the reception area and walked out the door with it, everyone too stunned to say anything about it. You walked into the parking lot smothering fits of laughter the whole way, still in disbelief about the events that had just occurred.

“For you,” said Shouto as the two of you reached his car, still carrying the candy in his arms. 

You choked out a laugh at the audacity of it all. He even took the bowls? The candies were free for the guests, but you weren’t so sure the bowls were. “I… Thanks, Shouto. I’m never going to run out of these candies now!” 

“Hm,” was the approving noise he made. 

When you both got into his car, he looked at you before turning the engine on. Now that the adrenaline had passed, he had a much more solemn expression on his face. 

“Y/N,” he said, sounding apologetic, “I’m really sorry about my dad. And about the gossip. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

“It’s okay. It wasn’t too bad, and none of it was your fault! Besides,” you said, giving his hand on the gear shift a squeeze. After pulling out of the parking spot, he let go of the stick and interlocked his fingers with yours. “I had the best date ever to make up for it.”

“I have to disagree with that because I think I was the one with the best date.” Shouto smiled playfully, squeezing your hand in his. 

“Agree to disagree, then.” 

He chuckled and you grinned. Tonight was going great until the last hour’s mishap, and while it was uncomfortable and disheartening to hear gossip about you from people who were supposed to be sophisticated, grown adults, you weren’t lying when you told Shouto he was enough to make up for all that bullshit. You were grateful for him standing up for you and basically saying fuck rich people and charity galas in front of them all. 

Oh, and for getting you enough candy to last you at least a few months, of course.

He really was the best date ever.

As Shouto signaled to get out of the structure, he asked, “Now, should I take you back to your home or…?”

You shook your head, already knowing where he was going with this (and very much liking it). “Hmm,” you drawled, pretending to think about it. “How about we go back to your place to finally finish what we started?” 

“I thought you’d never ask.”

In all honesty, you were quite surprised yourself that you asked. But, damn, would you be glad you did.

a/n: woOO EAT THE RICH STEAL THEIR CANDY STEAL THEIR BOWLS HGFJKS, i’m already so in love with shouto but i have fallen in love with one (1) rich boy even more :3 

what to expect in the next part:

yes. it’s time for u know what ;)

y/n and shouto finally……high five <3

jkjk

THE NEXT PART IS THE FINAL PART AND YOU WILL SEE WHY THIS SERIES OVERALL HAD TO BE 18+ KSKKFG

[volturiwolf]

The Volturi Princess - A Felix Volturi x fem!Reader Story (part 1)

A/N: This is the first Volturi- and Twilight-related story I ever started writing and it is quite long and elaborated/complex, as I tend to overanalyze in many parts. I have wrote a few parts until now and I'll be uploading them in the future. I have been quite emotional throughout writing it, trying to understand the reader's point of view.

A/N 2: I'm sorry if something doesn't make sense. English is not my first language. I also include Italian through the story, with translation, but I'm not a native or a speaker, so I'd like to apologize in advance to those who speak Italian. Enjoy :)

A/N 3: According to "The Amagi" on Youtube, Felix was born in 250 BC (their thumbnail), so I used that in my story.

No of Words: about 5347

Mentions of: Abandonment, Abortion, Anxiety, Blood, Bruises, Coma/Comatosed State, Death Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Physical Pain, Gaslighting, Greece/Greek Language - with translation, Heartbreak, Italian Language - with translation, Manipulation, Murder, Pain, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Suffering, Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts, Swear Language, Throwing Up/Puking, Witches/Wizards/Witchcraft

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My heart felt heavy. I may have just escaped the cruelest vampire of all, but I also ran away from the love of my life, my mate, the only person who could fully understand me in this world. I asked him to run away with me, but, although our bond was strong, he felt obliged to stay loyal to his master, his creator. I drove as fast as I could, away from the sunny Volterra, and away from him.

-------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N) grew up quite privileged, in Vampire terms. Being born into the Volturi coven was something many vampires could only dream about. (Y/N) was abandoned by her parents when she was a baby, but Aro, one of the three Volturi leaders, took her under his protection, and offered her more things than she could ever have imagined. After all, she was his only biological granddaughter, the “Volturi princess”, an heiress to the throne; her mother lost that “privilege” when she met and fell in love with a wizard.

(Y/N)’s mother soon got pregnant with her, and then later turned her husband into a vampire to help her with her pregnancy, and stay together forever. However, (Y/N)’s parents couldn’t raise her because they wanted to run free and careless, not commit to anything permanent, so Aro took over and raised his granddaughter with the highest honors and privileges, “as a princess should be raised”.

(Y/N) was a mix of Vampire, Witch and Human, due to the grandmother, Sulpicia, being human when Aro found her; Sulpicia later fell pregnant with (Y/N)’s mother, and Aro transformed her to vampire, as he had planned all along. Aro raised (Y/N) according to his own rules and morals, teaching her how to kill humans to feed from, how to attack and slip away from her opponents, how to lead other vampires, and most importantly, how to keep her identity and existence a secret, not only to humans, but other non-Volturi vampires as well. No one could know that there was a possibility of a vampire having a child with a human, and that the child could be effectively controlled and raised as a regular vampire.

As (Y/N) grew older and older, reaching the human age of 25 within 7 years of her birth, Aro would spend more and more time with her, examining and studying her possibilities and her potential powers’ development. (Y/N) grew up to be extremely strong and fast, an excellent tracker with great intelligence and understanding of the world around her. However, Aro could not risk sending her to “Volturi duties”. She was his hope for a stronger coven; with (Y/N) in the throne, Aro felt like he could conquer the vampire world with ease.

That’s why he was always searching for the best guards he could find, to protect the coven and do his work instead of himself, Caius, or (Y/N). He couldn’t rely on Marcus, as he proved to be too emotional since Didyme died, but was still valuable for his plan. Caius, on the other hand, although powerless, was far more sadistic and “diligent” in following vampire rules, and (Y/N)... (Y/N) was just too obedient, following every order Aro gave her - a strong asset for the Volturi.

Aro was changing guards and trackers quite easily, disposing them when they were no longer needed or when he found better ones. He needed talented and strong vampires to serve the coven and do their work.

Chelsea was the very first vampire Aro created solely to serve the Volturi, after recognizing her potential when she was human. Chelsea’s gift of relationship manipulation was truly useful in bringing new vampires into the coven and was used thousands of times during Volturi's reign. It could also easily dispose of them, making their bonds with other vampires break at will; those vampires were isolated by the other vampires and then killed - Aro couldn’t risk letting them get away knowing the Volturi’s secrets and life.

About 100 years later, Corin joined the Volturi, just a couple decades after (Y/N)’s birth. Corin’s gift of addictive contentment was the one which kept Marcus in the Volturi after Didyme’s death - along with Chelsea’s to make him committed to Aro’s greater plans, and was also used on Sulpicia, Athenadora and any other vampire in the Volturi guard to keep them satisfied being in the Volturi. Under Aro’s instructions, Corin was keeping Chelsea content with being in the Volturi, and Chelsea was keeping Corin loyal to them, each of them using their gifts against each other, without their knowledge.

Sometime between 230 and 220 BC, while travelling in Rome, searching for additional vampires to add to the coven, Aro supposedly met a young, strong and ambitious fighter, who wished to become a gladiator one day, named Felix. Felix did not only look, but also was physically capable of fighting even with beasts, during his short time as a fighter, way before the Colosseum was built. Born into a poor family, his strength was his only way of making money, and becoming a gladiator was his only way out of poverty, a way to provide for both his family and himself.

When his family was almost imprisoned by Roman army officers for outstanding debts, Felix was forced to make a deal with them to fight, in whatever they ordered him to. Fighting turned out to be the only way for Felix to deal with his emotions and rage towards people in power. When Aro approached Felix, he was promised a good life, where he wouldn’t have to worry about surviving another day. Felix did not seem willing enough, not being fond of the idea of serving people in power, who he so despised.

Luckily for Aro, Chelsea was the one who “convinced” Felix to join the Volturi guard, with Aro changing him afterwards. Unlike previous guards, Felix showed impeccable strength, speed and talent towards both dodging and initiating attacks, eventually making him a permanent member in the Volturi Guard, along with Chelsea and Corin.

Felix was assigned as the leading guard for the three kings’ protection, this role extending to the protection of their two wives and (Y/N); though Aro knew that, if it came to anyone attacking his granddaughter, she would be able to handle it by herself. However, he still wanted to make sure that she was safe and that Aro would do anything to protect her.

For about a couple millennias, (Y/N) was content with her situation, being the “Volturi princess” and all that. Besides, having Felix in the Volturi was another reason to stay in the coven, apart from staying loyal and true to Aro for taking her in, when she was abandoned.

Every time Felix looked into her eyes, she felt her whole body burn - though, it wasn’t a feeling of suffering, rather a feeling of longing, waiting for something to happen so badly that her body couldn’t control itself. Although she was partially a vampire, (Y/N) would feel like she couldn’t breathe, like her legs were ready to give up on her, like she wanted to grab Felix and never let go.

Felix, although not admitting it even to himself, would feel the same way, but he knew that his position would not allow him to approach (Y/N) in such a way. He was just a guard - although he was the strongest of them all, and she was the Volturi princess, one of his masters, whom he was only allowed to approach in order to protect. He didn’t want Aro to know he saw his granddaughter like that; it could cost him his position in the guard, or even his life. So, he kept these feelings deep within him, not allowing them to resurface, or act upon them.

However, every time these two existed at the same place, the invisible sparks between them would fly left and right. And only one vampire was able to see them. One who hadn’t felt these sparks in centuries.

--------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N)’s POV:

I yawned loudly as I woke from a long, much needed sleep. I was the only vampire around who was able to sleep, mostly due to my non-vampire natures. I didn't really need to sleep on a regular basis, but when I did, I could literally sleep 3 days straight and nobody would be able to wake me up. “For my own protection”, as Aro said, I would always have at least two guards outside of my room’s door, in case anything happened while I was sleeping. Like what could even happen? My room was at the furthest side of this huge castle. I’m pretty sure that if there ever was an attack against the Volturi, it would most probably have been dealt with immediately, and the attacker wouldn’t make it anywhere near my room.

I felt the warm sun on my skin, slightly glowing and sparkling beautifully. My eyes, mostly (Y/E/C) with a golden ring around the pupil, could easily adjust to the light. Unlike the other vampires, I could easily live among humans; I could sleep, eat human food, my skin not being as sparkly as others, and I could control my thirst far better than others.

Since Jane and Alec joined the coven, Aro would show an immense interest in them and their skills, helping them train daily and develop their powers further, eventually forgetting about me. I would spend more and more days away from the castle, “protected” by my anonymity, getting to know humans more and more. The longer I was observing them, the more they would trigger my interest in them. They could feel true emotions, real pain, real hurt, real love. They had their families, they received an unconditional love that I could never have.

Unbeknownst to Aro or anyone else for that matter, I have started developing new powers, similar to the other vampires in the Volturi coven or anyone else outside of it. I have also started noticing that I may have an immunity towards others’ talents, feeling that neither Corin’s addictive contentment made me satisfied with being in the Volturi, nor Chelsea’s relationship manipulation could keep me loyal to Aro anymore. If it weren’t for Felix, or Demetri and the Twins, who have all become my best friends by now, I would have probably left.

A vampire named Carlisle Cullen had visited the Volturi and stayed with us for a while, about 100 years ago. He saw the way the Volturi treated humans like they were nothing, and how they were as cruel as to kill other vampires, with the excuse that they were exposing our kind with the way they lived. Entire covens had been wiped out due to such excuses, a way to eliminate potential enemies from becoming too powerful and find as many talented vampires as possible and force them to join the Volturi.

Carlisle was talking about a new way of life, where vampires wouldn’t have to kill humans to survive, a life where vampires and humans could live in peace, without harming each other. He was insisting that vampires could survive on animal blood just as efficiently as with human blood; that animal blood would not make them weaker, and that it would be a much more ethical and sustainable way to feed.

Of course, Aro and Caius were the first ones to mock his proposition, clearly not caring about humans’ feelings and pain. Marcus did not budge at all, his heartache making him indifferent to anything around him. But I was growing more and more interested in this alternative way of life; I was, after all, feeding on human food already, so that I was feeding on human blood as little as I could.

It was a few years after Carlisle left Volterra that Eleazar joined the Volturi. Aro forced him to join after finding out he could detect if someone had any special ability. Aro considered his gift useful in identifying if any of his enemies had any special power when in battles, or when he sent Eleazar around the world to recruit talented vampires.

Eleazar was clearly not liking the way the Volturi forced their ways and wants on others, and how they could take advantage of others for their own benefit. I could just sense that he was displeased and was forcing himself to stay in the coven, one, due to Corin’s and Chelsea’s gifts, and two, out of fear of what could happen to him and his mate, Carmen.

Carmen, a vampire from Spain, like Eleazar, met with Eleazar while he was a guard here, they fell in love, and eventually, Eleazar decided to leave the Volturi and run away with Carmen. Aro decided that he did not care about him and his gift as much as others’, so he let him go unharmed, “blessing” them for safe travels.

Just a few days before he left, I consulted him on my own powers. Though a lower member of the guard, Eleazar had his own room, a decent place to stay, and spend his endless hours in. I knocked slightly on the door.

“Come in”, a calm voice was heard. I opened the door and came into his room. Carmen was sitting on the edge of their bed and Eleazar was reading a book on his desk. They both smiled sweetly. I just felt and knew they were too nice to fit anywhere in here, among the cruel and strict Volturi.

“(Y/N)! So nice to see you!”Carmen exclaimed and stood to hug me. The second we hugged I started seeing parts of her life in Spain, the calm waters of Catalunya, the vast vineyards where she would spend the early years of her life… I quickly detached myself from her embrace. I just couldn’t invade her privacy like that. She and Eleazar both looked at me worried, as if I had offended them.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t let you “show” me your whole life like that!” I looked at Carmen apologetically.

“(Y/N), you saw Carmen’s life?” Eleazar continued, intrigued by my words.

“That’s why I came to talk to you. I..I feel like I’ve been developing a gift, or a few gifts, to be completely honest. And I feel like.. like I have a specific power one day, and another power the next!” I stated frantically.

It was the first time I have openly talked about my powers to anyone, and I was shaking just by the words that came out of my mouth. Eleazar did not say anything, he just stood there for a few minutes, I supposed “examining” me, as if a doctor checking on a patient.

“Remarkable.” He said calmly. He looked at his mate with excitement, as if he just discovered a lost treasure. “(Y/N) has one of the most remarkable gifts I have ever seen.” He then turned to me. “You, (Y/N), are able to copy anyone else’s gifts and keep them as your own. You don’t even have to be in contact with them. Just by meeting someone, you can obtain their powers. I have never met anyone like that. You also seem to have obtained immunity to others’ powers, kind of like a shield. I have met such vampires before. From the stories Aro has been telling, your mother was like that. It is likely that you copied that gift for her. Such vampires are extremely useful to themselves or even others, in battles. Like themselves, you can use your gift to protect others from others’ powers, beside yourself.”

That came too sudden to my ears. I have assumed that I may have at least one power, but I didn’t realise I could copy others’ powers. That is why I was showing signs of Aro’s power!

“How can I train my powers? Eleazar! Carmen! You have to help me!”

“As you know, we will be leaving soon. I don’t know if there will be enough time to train you.”

“It’s okay. We will train as much as you want. Please, Eleazar! Please, Carmen!” I started begging them. As if they were hypnotized, they quickly looked at each other and agreed to help me.

The next few days, before Eleazar and Carmen’s departure, included intense training, far away from Volterra, deep in the woods, where no human could interrupt us. I couldn’t say the same for vampires, but I hoped nobody would cross paths with us. Eleazar and Carmen helped me develop my self-control and self-awareness, concentrating through the deepest parts of my mind, resurfacing my shield and expanding it beyond my existence. I started to have control over it, as if it was an actual solid substance, a veil floating around me towards any direction I ordered it to go.

After Eleazar and Carmen left, I started travelling the world more, trying to copy as many powers as I could come across with, while also training my shield. My excitement for the endless possibilities was what kept me going - kind of when Aro would add another talented vampire to his Guard. His Guard. Felix. I wonder how he was. I hadn’t seen him in a while. I wondered if he thought of me like I thought of him.

After travelling pretty much anywhere I could reach, I eventually went back to where it all started: I went to Greece. Aro met Sulpicia here, apparently my mom met my dad here. Maybe I could find out, understand why they left me. I have never met them, but I felt as if my tracking skills could detect them through my own existence.

I started travelling through the country, hoping that they stayed here or, at least, that they’re alive. I spent about 2 or 3 years in Greece, trying to take in every different place, while also avoiding the battles that seemed to take place in every other corner. I was feeding off animals mainly, mostly when I couldn’t find any other human food. I was washing myself in rivers, streams, whatever I could find.

I was stopping by any village that seemed to be still standing, asking about the current situation. The Greek Revolution, which started a few years ago, seemed to still be going on. The Ottomans, who had been occupying Greece for almost 400 years, could not allow Greeks to turn against them and start claiming their rights within the Ottoman Empire.

Many Greeks I met and talked to, admitted that some of the Ottomans were actually being nice to them; it was only the Ottoman government ordering their armies to execute massive massacres against Greeks, and after all this time, a few Greeks started gathering up and planning a revolution, away from Greece, in fear of being caught. They started getting organized and finding possible allies to help them with the Revolution; they just couldn’t risk getting caught within the country that they were hoping the independent Greece could become. The battles were becoming more and more intense, both on the mainland, as well as on the islands.

I started looking for answers, anything that could suggest that my parents were still alive and somewhere in Greece. To my surprise, I crossed paths with many Greek nomad vampires all over the country. They were also fighting against either Ottoman vampires or each other for territorial claims; however, they all talked me out of travelling north, towards Macedonia. The region had started being reclaimed back by Greek humans, but vampires were also seeing the potential for the area and they fought against each other for the land.

All of the nomads I encountered were talking about some of the most vicious vampires claiming the land, their enemies being literally slaughtered and burned to set an example for other vampires to back off their territory. I was intrigued, and I knew that, most probably, I would be able to deal with them or flee before they got to me.

So, I started travelling north, through the woods and mountains, in order to avoid any possible battle between humans, though many of them seemed to hide in the mountains, preparing for their battles. Macedonia was a quite big and vast region, so I had to travel quite a few days and search every possible corner.

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I was feeling exhausted from all the searching. I haven’t fed in quite some time, and my throat was burning by the familiar need for blood. I haven’t seen any animals all these days, and I was wondering if they were gone or hiding.

Sadly, I came across a human. He seemed to be wounded, probably during a battle, his blood gushing out of his body. I couldn’t help myself, when I breathed in the smell, the burning sensation becoming unbearable. I thought of approaching him slowly, so as not to scare him, offering to help him, but deep down I just wanted to feed off of him.

“Γειά! Συγνώμη αν σε τρόμαξα. Σε είδα από μακριά. Μπορώ να σε βοηθήσω με κάποιο τρόπο; (Hey! Sorry if I scared you. I saw you from afar. Can I help you in any way?)” I offered calmly.

The man was trying to suppress his growls. I could sense his pain. I tried to help him stand on his feet, and then I saw all of his memories. He was in the army, fighting alongside Greeks against the Ottomans, in Macedonia, just outside of Thessaloniki. I didn’t even know I was so close to a city, let alone Thessaloniki.

He was trying to pass through the woods, when he came across what seemed to be two red-eyed vampires, one male and one female. They tried to attack him, but someone else managed to shoot him first, forcing the two vampires to run away. I don’t know how or why, these two felt familiar to me, I could feel that through his memories.

“Γειά! Μπορείς.. Μπορείς να πας στο κοντινότερο χωριό; Νομίζω.. Νομίζω ότι είδα κάτι στο δάσος, δε νομίζω ότι ήταν κάτι φυσιολογικό! Πρέπει.. Πρέπει να προειδοποιήσω τους άλλους! (Hey! Can.. Can you get me to the nearest village? I think.. I think I saw something in the woods, I don’t think it was something normal! I have.. I have to warn the others!)” He mumbled in between sharp shoots of pain.

“Με συγχωρείς πολύ! (I’m really sorry!)” I plead with guilty eyes. I put my hand in his wound, searching for the bullet, while he was consumed by pain. I took the bullet out of the wound, and quickly attached my lips on his skin, sucking the blood as fast as I could, biting deeply unintentionally. His screams were becoming louder and louder, so I covered his mouth with my hand, while trying to shut him up or break his jaw. A few seconds later, he stopped screaming, and I let his lifeless body fall, completely numb and drained out of blood.

I felt renewed, his blood travelling to every part of my body and giving me a new kind of strength that I haven’t felt in a while. I still felt guilty for killing him, but he was already wounded and I couldn’t risk him exposing our kind to others. I assumed that whoever found him - if anyone found him - would also assume that he died of blood loss, so I tried to position him in a realistic pose for that purpose, as best as I could. I left him there, and continued the search for my parents.

--------------------------------------------------------

I was running through the woods, trying to locate the two vampires from the guy’s memories. My mind was chaotic, I wasn’t thinking about something specific. I stopped in my tracks. What Aro taught me, and what I understood from Demetri’s tracking skills, is that you have to stop, take a breath and realize your position in the world. Then, you would be able to realize everything around you and find your targets. I have successfully found other vampires like that before, vampires who I have either met in person or smelled their scent, but I didn’t know if I could find someone through someone else’s memories of them.

I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate as best as I could, focusing on the smaller details of the guy’s memories of these vampires. I felt two vampires running on my west, about 10 kilometers away, and I ran after them. They were running fast, but I was way faster. Within a minute or two, I was running right behind their tracks. They must have realized that a stranger was following them, but, instead of running, they suddenly stopped. I stopped as well, and we were now facing each other.

The female had long, brunette, curly hair, and the male short, dark brown, straight hair; both of their hair looked shiny, healthy, and rich. They were of average height and their eyes were piercing red, as if they also fed quite recently. The female was exceptionally beautiful and enchanting; I could only compare her to Heidi’s exceptional beauty. The male looked quite stoic and austere, though still beautiful.

Both of them on defensive positions, waiting for me to attack. I wasn’t planning to move any further from my position; I was only waiting for their own reactions. I felt that kind of a burning sensation within me again, like a feeling buried deep inside me, trying to find an escape.

Suddenly, the male growled at me, flames springing out of his hands, and being thrown at me. I felt my heart fall out of my chest, fearing that this would be my end. As if my body reacted on its own, I felt my own shield extending out of my body, building a wall around me and protecting me from the male’s attack. My hands started burning and flames came out, ready to counterattack the male. The male looked at the female, dumbfounded by what he witnessed, still in a defensive position, but ready to attack again.

“I’M NOT HERE TO FIGHT YOU!” I shouted at both of them. “I’M JUST SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE!”

The male shrinked back, the female following close by. “Who are you looking for? We haven’t seen you around. Who are you? Why are you here?” The male requested. His voice serious, but smooth at the same time; a voice I could only describe as the warm earth below their bare feet.

“No, I’m not. I come from Italy, though I think I was born around here. My name is (Y/N), I’m looking for my parents. I don’t quite remember what they look like, but I’m pretty sure that they lived around here. They abandoned me when I was a baby.”

“This has been our territory for almost 3 millennials! We would have known if any humans abandoned their offspring around here!” The female exclaimed, as if she didn’t believe a word I said. I didn’t want to tell them the whole story, but I had to show them that I didn’t mean to fight in any way.

“I never said they were humans. My mother was actually sort of a vampire, like you.”

The female started letting her guards down. “What do you mean sort of? I’ve never heard of a “sort of vampire” before!” She continued doubtfully.

“Believe me or don’t, my mother was born half vampire, half human. My dad wasn’t even a vampire before she met him. He wasn’t even human to be honest.” My eyes started stinging slightly. I could have had a good, happy life if they didn’t abandon me. I wouldn’t have to grow up with Aro.

“You said you were from Italy.” I nodded at the male, as he continued. “You never said where exactly.”

I wasn’t sure if I should tell them my real origin; I wouldn’t like them to know I was a Volturi, but I knew I needed help to find my parents. If they were actually here as long as they say, they might have known or met my parents at some point.

“Volterra. I was born here, in Greece, like my mother, but grew up in Volterra with my grandparents.” I looked down, kind of scared, kind of anxious, waiting for their next move.

The female gasped. “Are you a Volturi?!” I looked at her, straight in the eyes, swallowed, and nodded. “I know the Volturi. Who are your grandparents?”

“Aro and Sulpicia.” I answered so quietly that, if they weren’t vampires, they wouldn’t have heard me, my voice trembling slightly.

The female suddenly fell on her knees, the male wrapping his arms around her, comforting her. I didn’t know what was going on. Did I say something wrong? Were they scared? The sheer mention of the Volturi would scare a lot of vampires, but I thought that maybe these two seemed strong enough to deal with them.

The female started sobbing, no tears coming out of her red eyes, her body shaking. I felt something within me break. I felt that I didn’t want to upset them, that’s why I was hesitant in telling them who I really was. The male looked at me, pain in his eyes. I saw a familiar look. I saw me in his eyes, what I looked at in my mirror anytime I was thinking about my parents, or, sometimes, when I thought of Felix.

“Are you a half witch?” The male asked quietly. Something snapped in me. How would he know that?

“I swear, I didn’t do anything to your mate! I DIDN’T!” I shouted at the male. I didn’t want him to think that I would hurt his mate, or himself.

“I know you wouldn’t. It’s just..” He looked at his mate who had stopped sobbing, but was still down on her knees, unable to stand up. “..my mate is Aro and Sulpicia Volturi’s only daughter.”

My body tensed and shivered. If that woman is the only daughter Aro and Sulpicia ever had...could that mean..?

I took a few steps back. “AM I YOUR DAUGHTER? ARE YOU MY PARENTS?” I looked at them in disbelief.

Those were the people who abandoned me! That let me grow parentless, under Aro’s rules and directions! I was breathing heavily, in between sobs. I didn’t even realize that I set my whole body ablaze, until both vampires looked at me shocked. I didn’t feel any pain, but I couldn’t stop the flames licking my body, and in my frantic state, I started panicking even more.

The male started approaching me slowly, trying to not scare me away. “Shush, shush. You’re okay. You’re doing okay. I know how it feels at first. You’re experiencing some aspects of the life as a witch. It’s okay. Close your eyes and picture the flames in your head.” I closed my eyes and tried concentrating on the flames. “Now, imagine them burning out, becoming smaller and weaker.” I focused on the flames, imagining them weakening. After a few minutes, I felt them getting smaller and smaller, and finally disappearing. I opened my eyes slowly.

The female was standing next to the male, watching me carefully. In a quick motion, she pulled me and embraced me, stroking my hair lightly. I breathed in her scent, a mix of mountain flowers and the saltiness of the sea. Her touch was soft, and filled me up with what felt like a thousand different emotions.

But, I mostly felt safe. It was the first time in my life that I actually felt this safe. And whole. I felt like I actually belonged somewhere. I hugged her back. Tears started spilling from my eyes. That was my mom! That was actually my mom! After all this time, we were finally together. I felt the male, my dad, hugging both of us, and in that moment, I felt my legs giving up on me, and I finally fell into a long sleep.

[smoochkooks]

—chapter two: of peonies and broken promises

this is a part of my an ode to a broken heart drabble series.

pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

genre: unrequited love, best friends to (?), heavy angst, future smut

word count: 1.4k words

summary: you are twenty-four, hopelessly in love with your best friend and the smell of peonies still makes you nauseous, just like it did eleven years ago.

previous || next 

Jungkook's apartment is an epitome of him.

Wherever you look, you spot a piece of him. A single, wooden shelf in the living room where he placed all his analog cameras, because he loves photography. The replica of Van Gogh's Starry night hanging just above the navy blue couch, because he loves art. White walls of his bedroom decorated with movie posters; among them the newest addition to the collection: French Parasite poster you remember him buying recently. He traded stupid amount of money for it and you'd scold him for doing so if you didn’t know how much he enjoys cinematography.

Staring at this back as he makes coffee, you almost forget why you came her in first place. It's trivial: the latest software update on your laptop made it work more sluggish for some unknown to you reason. Jungkook has always been good with technology (hence his degree in digital art), helping you fix things on your laptop whenever the issue isn’t too complicated for him to deal with it on his own.

You feel a little embarrassed, asking him for help again (as if he wasn’t installing a new antivirus software for you a few weeks ago) but Jungkook beat you to it, assuring you it was absolutely fine before you could recite a round of apologies upon entering his apartment.  

It’s just the way he is – the kindest, most selfless person you have ever met. Helping others seems to be etched into his brain for good.

“Here you go,” he says, placing a cup coffee in front of you. “I still haven’t quite figured out how the coffee machine works so I hope it doesn’t taste like shit.”  

You smile, wrapping your fingers around the cup. Jungkook is a tea person, something he most definitely took after his mother, who has a separate cabinet in the kitchen filled with various kinds of tea. That’s why it’s so funny to you that somehow he insisted on buying a ridiculously expensive coffee machine a few months ago when he moved into his new apartment.  

You wish you could focus on the delicate scent of his blueberry tea. You wish you could let yourself be overwhelmed by the aroma of your freshly made coffee. Anything.  

Instead, all you can process is the intense, nauseous smell of the peonies standing right before you.  

They’re definitely new, wrapped up prettily and ready to be gifted to someone special. Jungkook notices your lingering gaze, and clears his throat.  

“Soojin's coming later today. They’re her favourite.”  

He didn’t need to give any explanation to you. It’s his life, his girlfriend, his plans, her favourite flowers, her perfect boyfriend. You’re just you. Yet for some unknown to you reason, he felt and urge to mention it anyway.

“I didn’t peg you for the gentleman type.” you say to break the awkward silence. It’s anything but true, so Jungkook snorts in response.

“Aish, I always give you a single red rose for your birthday, Valentine’s Day and Women's day as well! And we know each other for eighteen years!” he reasons, somewhat defensive.  

You force yourself to grin. “I know, I know. I was just fucking with you,” He huffs and takes a sip of his tea. As soon as he does that, he regrets it, muttering “Shit, it’s hot.” under his breath. “Soojin's lucky to have you.” you add.

Despite coming off as a confident person on daily basis, Jungkook gets insecure too.  

You remember vividly the look in his eyes when he told you he didn’t deserve her. It was right at the beginning of their relationship, they were still getting to know each other and Jungkook couldn’t possibly understand why out of all the boys Soojin could date, she had chosen him. A digital art major who liked talking about cinematography and ate ramen at 2am in the morning when he couldn’t sleep.  

Back then, you wished he could see himself with your eyes. For you, he was far more attractive than any guy you saw on campus. For you, he was talented, hardworking, passionate. No doubt Soojin fell for him.  

But Jungkook was twenty-one back then. He lacked self-assurance he has now. It irritated you that he viewed Soojin as some sort of goddess who took pity on him.  Although a lot has changed since, he still could quite literally kiss the ground she walks on.  

You watch as a small tingle of blush covers the apples of his cheeks. Pink, just like the peonies standing before you. Pink, just like the flowers you hate so much.  

11 years ago

June was beautiful that year. You spent most of your time after school in Jungkook's garden, seated by the wooden table and doing your homework.  

His mother besides tea, loved planting flowers. And June was the month of peonies. There was so many of them, invading your senses with their sweet yet nauseous smell.  

Jungkook was scribbling something in his notebook. You doubted it was anything Math-related, judging by the quick and harsh strokes of his pen. ‘’Do you know Sana?” he asked out of the blue, startling you.  

“That new girl from Japan? What about her?”  

“Jimin says she has a crush on me.” he answered, his eyes still glued to the paper. You noticed he was sketching some anime character's angry face.

Your eyes involuntarily widened. “How does Jimin know that?”  

“Dunno. He told me he heard some girls talking about it in cafeteria the other day.” Finally, he dropped his pen and looked up. His brows were furrowed and he had a sour look on his face. “I don’t want her to have a crush on me.”  

At that, your heart started beating faster. You were just fourteen and yet already so stupidly in love with your best friend. “Why?” you asked before you could stop yourself.  

You knew girls were checking out Jungkook here and there. He was a top athlete, had good grades and had grown at least ten centimeters taller over the year. He also had let his mother (and you) convince him to cut his hair shorter lately, getting rid of the emo fringe he was sporting for the past six months. Of course some pretty girl like Sana would have a crush on him.  

Somehow, Jungkook had always been oblivious to that, or at least you thought so. This was the first time he decided to talk to you about it.  

He sighed, looking away from you as if he was embarrassed all of a sudden. You could swear you saw his cheeks flush. “Because I don’t even like her. You’re the only girl I can stand being with.”  

Now it was your turn to blush. As best as you could, you tried to ignore the funny, giddy feeling in your chest. “You know you'll have to marry some girl one day, right?”  

“Then I’ll ask you to marry me,” Jungkook said and for the first time since he had started this conversation, he actually looked you in the eye. When he saw your shocked expression, he mumbled, “Maybe in like… ten years or something. Once we are out of college.”  

You snorted, nudging his side. Despite the butterflies fluttering in your stomach, you regained your composure. “Do you think I will put up with your for that long?”  

“We know each other since we were six and you haven’t run away yet. Besides, I’m the only boy you aren’t scared to talk to.”  

“Hey! That’s–Maybe it’ll change in the future! Maybe–”

Jungkook ignored you and instead thrusted his pinky finger in your direction. You stopped speaking right away. Pinky promises held little significance yet for some reason, you felt like it was a serious situation. And if the determined look on your best friend's face was anything to go by, he thought the same.

“If we don’t find anyone worth giving our heart to by the time we are twenty-five, let’s get married. Promise?”  

You were astonished, to say the least, staring at this hand with wide eyes. You were only fourteen back then and to hear something like that from the boy you loved was like a teenage dream come true. You replied with blind devotion. Because there was only one, good answer to such question.

“Promise.”

You are twenty-four now, hopelessly in love with your best friend and the smell of peonies still makes you nauseous.  

[snowlily95]

Aerith in light of healthcare provider

So, I've wanted to write an analysis about Aerith in light of her medical viewpoint for quite a long time but only recently got the chance to complete it. It is well known in the game that Aerith is the healer of the story. She possesses a great MP with a limit break to heal and buff people which greatly affects your gameplay. Of course, you can equip others with Healing and Prayer materias to render them useful for healing as well. But story-wise, no one can take away Aerith's status as the healer. We know in canon that Aerith provided herbs to the Sector 5 slums doctor to create medicine. And if you finished the Corneo Stash side quest in Chapter 14, you can return to the church and see a couple of elderly sitting on the pew praying. And when you come closer to them you'll hear them talking about how they didn't see Aerith around and they're sure she's alright and probably be around healing people. You know, since the Sector 7 plate just fell. (Even though Aerith is not alright actually coz she was kidnapped by Shinra by this time) Point is, we are fed by the NPCs on how much Aerith had helped around as a healer. She had been doing this for years.

While being in denial about who she actually is, being a healer had always been implanted in her. She is used to it. When you're used to being a healer, there's a certain level when you have a different reaction compared to others. The way you think is different. Apart from that, she's also a Cetra. And we knew for a fact Cetra had a certain affinity towards souls who are returning to the Planet. Meaning, as much as she is used to healing others, she's also used to sensing death.

My whole point is that being a Cardiac Anaesthesiologist and Intensivist as I am, I can totally relate my position with Aerith, as we both have constantly helped people and encounter death on daily basis. While I'm pretty confident that the majority of these might be coincidences (because I'm pretty sure there are no doctors in the SE team), I thought the coincidences are pretty cool to ponder upon and I'm amazed at how the subtle differences between Aerith's reaction to events from other characters.

I'm gonna ignore the meta part of Aerith, mainly because I'm not discussing how much Aerith knew, and if there was anything in jeopardy of what she knew whatsoever. So we're gonna focus on the fact that she is used to healing and feeling people's death. People who are used to death on daily basis had a certain unique view on life and death. And that affects how we act upon facing them too. While this is evident throughout Remake, I'm gonna focus on the plate drop event to be more concise. I will also use Tifa as a comparison to make it easier to see the difference between the reaction of the two. Let’s start!

1) Aerith is quick in emergency situations.

When you are used to people dying, you developed a certain immunity and you are able to have a sound mind and composure at the sudden change of event. As healthcare providers, we face stable situations turning into critical real fast. And we have a switch in our minds that turns us from standby mode to rescue mode. This is exactly what happened to Aerith when Don Corneo revealed Shinra's plan to blow up Sector 7's support pillar. Tifa is part of Sector 7. It is her home. Which is why her reaction showed how she was super devastated, she slowly stood up and muttered "They wouldn't..." because she couldn't believe it. Aerith? She had that switch in her mind, and she immediately turned and say "Come on, guys! We gotta go!". She switched into that critical mode in a second. It helps that she's also not personally connected to Sector 7, and thus her judgment was not as impaired. Of course, they both switched into the critical mode in the sewer, but it was at the moment of revelation that made it different. Just like how healthcare providers switched at the moment of revelation that their patients are at the brink of death—you immediately jumped into rescue mode.

2) She plans for the worst.

Remember after they defeated Abzu and Tifa started to question Corneo's information? She didn't want to believe it, because it didn't make sense to destroy your years of efforts building the plate just to get back to a small group like AVALANCHE. Think about the money they put in to build it, they're gonna have to put them all again. In fact, along their way out of the sewer, Tifa voiced out multiple times how this had been bothering her. But I'm intrigued with Aerith's reply "If he's telling the truth, then we should go. And if it turns out he was lying, then so what?". This here is exactly what doctors do. We plan and prepare for the worst. And if the worst didn't happen, then so what? If you ever had life-saving surgery, your doctors would tell you "You need this surgery coz you might die. But if you do the surgery, there's a high chance you'll survive, but there's a small chance you'll die too". And we prepare for that small chance that our patients die. No, we don't let our preparations lacking because we hope they'll survive. We prepare for the worst outcome possible and get all the equipment ready in case they'll die. If they didn't, then so what? It doesn't mean our preparations were futile efforts. It only means we were prepared. And that line of Aerith seriously hits home to me.

3) She hopes for the best.

Before they crossed the water sewer, Tifa once again voiced out how she couldn't stop thinking about what Corneo said, and she was still hoping that he was lying. And then Aerith said, "The future isn't set in stone". (Again, I'm gonna ignore the meta part of Aerith) And then she proceeded to set up that small date with Tifa. Believe it or not, this is actually what we do during bad calls. We'd talk about what we would do after all this ends; we'd go out dining, or playing games/darts, or go drinking, or whatever it is that makes us happy. Just to keep our minds calm and to allow us to hope for the future, even if it's just a few hours away. It gives us hope and courage to go on. We plan for the worst, but we hope for the best. The more critical the situation is, the more you need to be level-headed. And needless to say, after this point onwards, Tifa is much more calmed down from her struggle to keep herself focus.

4) She follows orders.

This might sound weird to some, but the ability to cast away your worry and focus on what you can do, instead of what you should do, is important in emergency situations. You need to know what you don't know. You don't get in the way of your comrades. If you're not good at intubating, you don't insist to intubate in emergency situations just because you wanna help. Seriously, you'll just make things worse. When Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith were attacked before climbing up and out of the sewer, Cloud asked both Tifa and Aerith to keep going. Aerith immediately answers "Okay" and left—without a single but. This is significant because it shows that Aerith knew she'd be better off leaving. She doesn't need to offer help, coz her help was not needed. This is not the place where she could help. The ability to recognize this is very important for healthcare professionals. Tifa was a bit more reluctant to leave, but that's probably because she is a martial artist in-game. Also, the fact that Aerith could still joke "We're not delicious" is just so real lol! Yup, we joke sometimes when we're facing deaths—doesn't mean we lose focus in saving the dying person in front of us, don't worry. And then it happens again when they reached Sector 7 when Cloud asked them to stay with Wedge as he goes up, Aerith immediately answered "sure"—because she can "patch" Wedge up, it's where her abilities lie. This is even more accentuated when an injured Wedge argued that he can still fight when he clearly can't—making this point even more obvious. Aerith is someone with a healthcare mind, Wedge was not.

5) She supports her comrades emotionally even when she’s worried too.

When they reached the surface, they spotted a Shinra helicopter. Cloud assured them they're only on patrol. Aerith turned to Tifa and said, "Don't worry, we'll make it in time". This moment is also very iconic to me. As I mentioned, I'm an anaesthesiologist. We are the support doctors to surgeons and physicians. Those moments when we're operating on AAA surgeries and the patient is losing liters of blood and literally dying, we're pumping bloods in with our hands and get those Level 1 machines operating, and the surgeons would be panicking because it keeps bleeding? Yep, I did say it before. "We'll make it. Just concentrate on the surgery and don't worry about the bleeding", even though I'm sweating and dying here trying to keep the patient alive. But I pretended to be calm in front of my team and cheered them on. Because the whole team needs to keep calm. If one of the team loses hope, then bid your chance farewell. As an anaesthesiologist, we're almost like the anchor in the room. People look at us to know if everything's alright. I need to tell them it's alright, so they need not worry. Aerith knew Tifa is worried. And she tried to keep Tifa calm with reassurance. Even if she probably freaked out herself.

6) She doesn’t discriminate.

After they defeated the ghost at the haunted maintenance facility, Cloud tried to kill it, and Aerith didn't let him. When Cloud said that thing was dangerous, Aerith said she knows and added "but even so..." she didn't feel right about killing it. (Let's ignore the fact that the Ghoul was a lonely creature for now) It then goes to drop the train wreck which almost killed them had it not been for Cloud. Now this would have been avoided had Aerith let Cloud killed it—maybe. But here's the thing. When you're hyper-aware that people are dying left and right, you value life more. No one deserves to die, even the worst criminal in the world. You're a law-abiding citizen? You're a criminal? It doesn't make a difference to us. I know this is something super hard to comprehend. But technically only when the law subjects the criminal to the death sentence that a person should be left to die. I've been a doctor for eleven years, I was a prison doctor for two. I had the first-hand experience of dealing with criminals. It's not my job to determine whether they deserve to die or not. It's not my call whether they will turn a new leaf had they lived. I know this is something others find difficult to relate to and agree with—happens to my non-medical family and friends. The verdict to us is simple. It's a life. It's worth saving. Period. (Technically the ghosts are dead though but my point still stands)

7) She tries to her best abilities and lets go of what is out of her control.

Tifa's emotions are tampered with again when they confirmed Shinra was going to drop the plate when they overheard the Turks conversation. Her voice shook, we can literally hear it. Aerith's response was "all we can do now is keep moving". And she's right. When they reached Sector 7 and the Whispers were preventing them, she said "we have to get past whatever it takes". And later on, Tifa left to help Cloud and Barret, and Aerith agreed to get to Seventh Heaven to ensure Marlene's safety. Wedge had a short mental breakdown when he realized he was no good to anyone up or down the crime scene. And Aerith told him "We can still save a lot of lives", "That's no excuse to give up", "I need to know I did everything I could". Her encouragement helped Wedge save more people. Some argued, did she not care about the lives that already died? Now here's my point; no, we don't. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but really. What can we do for people who are already dead? Nothing. What can we do for people who are still alive? Everything. And this is the core of being a healthcare provider—we prioritize. Yes, we're also humans. We can get emotional when our own friends and relatives die. (Aerith might not be as calm had it happened at Sector 5) But when we put the healthcare provider cap on, we mean business. That is why when disasters happened, and we triage people with a black tag? That's when we know we couldn't do anything for them. We don't mourn at the black tags. We move on to the other tags instead. So that we know we already did everything in our power to help. And yes, it doesn't matter even if we lost more lives than we saved. It's worth it, even if we only saved one person out of thousands of deaths. Just like how Aerith saved Betty in Sector 7. That one life is worth it.