#my two different spectrum of williams

[sxpphotales]

thinking abt valeria x male reader as a genderfluid person myself and frankly i can see it. like ik lesbian valeria is like one of the most obvious things but lowk why not a bisexual valeria. plus we gotta celebrate some of the masc identifying folks here.

also sfw bc i like sfw and we can have pretty fem character rep WITHOUT nsfw always being involved eh?

imagine valeria garza who may be perhaps a few inches shorter than her bf (aka you) but still remains more empowering bc well she’s valeria. do we expect otherwise? frankly atp you would have to be a malewife or some sort of a trophy husband. she’ll be coming home with a dead look and you are in an apron, holding up takeout that he said that you could heat up but ended up failing cause you kept struggling with the air fryer (you didn’t plug it in)

valeria who mouths death threats and does the neck slit in half motion (in a half joking manner) before leaving the house to you to say that if you dare to go out with another woman or even look at another woman, she’ll skin you alive. she prolly will; she just needs a reason to do so.

valeria who knows that you aren’t a completely innocent baby to cherish but knows that a civilian man and a cartel leader are two very different parts of the social spectrum. while you are out here singing pharrell william songs (or whatever musical artist you’d enjoy) while vacuuming the ground, valeria alr shot a guy cause he talked too much.

valeria who genuinely scrunches up her expression and verbally deadpans “ew” to any other man than you. she is not comfortable with men. she’s attracted to you, but anyone else? yeah no they’re some kinda side character that she does NOT need to care about.

valeria who isn’t interested in you because you’re attractive physically but the way that your smile just cracks easily. even if you’re introverted and cold naturally, you just smile around her for even a sliver second and she’s nodding to herself. “i bagged this one.” she’s internally smirking. okay maybe it is a bit about looks because she would think “yeah. i bagged this fine shyt for free too.”

valeria who is reading papers with a coffee mug in her hand and listening to you who is just dancing and singing in the living room. bonus if you’re doing just dance and valeria is just watching this entertainment. much more better than a reality tv show.

valeria who watches all the action movies with you and just stares because 1) most of these are so unrealistic and 2) she did better stuff. she doesn’t understand why it’s always the men who are doing the cool stuff and the women who are being tied up and squealing for help. she saw you once scream over a fly the size of your pinky crawl into the kitchen. when you fall asleep on her shoulder, she just thinks to herself about the exact same action scenarios happening but instead it’s her just kidnapping you away from the enemy. maybe she’s not even the action movie mc in that scenario; she just wants to be proud as you’re gasping and saying “my queen”

valeria who got too much pride to contain and subconsciously has a thing to wait for praises or compliments. right before heading out the door, she just stands there, waiting for something. it’s intimidating and you shiver, wondering if you did smtg wrong. oh wait you forgot to tell her that she’s the best and that you love her. see? really stupid minor stuff like these and she absolutely gobbles them up with a deadpanned expression.

valeria who probably gets forced into playfighting bc you think it’s cool to battle a cartel leader, but then you get bodyslammed to the ground at an unbelievable speed. she’s on top of you, but it’s not romantic at all because you’re wheezing for your breath and coughing on your own spit while she’s laughing at you. next time, get some armor before you request playfighting. or better yet. don’t.

valeria who makes sure you don’t need to worry about safety or money. she straight up tells you to stfu whenever you’re online shopping and you get frantic about the prices. she’s sick of watching you be so anxious about money. unless you’re getting a helicopter, lay off my guy. valeria’s so honest and unserious about the fact that she can die too. she just drops a “what’re ya gonna do if i die” and slowly sips her coffee while you stare at her horrified. she genuinely both expects and doesn’t expect herself to die. she knows her job is dangerous and extremely risky; she’s a smart woman. but at the same time she’s like “bro i’m valeria tf.” do expect her to use the “i might die in my job one day” card on you as a joke multiple times with a straight face and a dry chuckle at the end. she thinks it’s hilarious.

valeria who flirts but in like a way that you wonder if she’s flirting or just saying her intrusive thoughts. she literally whistles at you to get your attention and just laughs when you narrow your gaze at her. she uses more insulting nicknames than cute ones, but she does use a mix of both. “menso (idiot), bobo (dummy), bonito (pretty), bombón (technically a chocolate treat but can be used to describe beautiful ppl).” she never explains the meanings so you have to search them up. bonus if you call her nicknames in your own native language and she’s just staring at you with the thought did he js insult me or call me hot.

valeria who honestly have dated men and women before and have reportedly enjoyed being with women more before, but when with you, she forgets it all. she sometimes whistles at other women she thinks are fine and says it out loud, but it’s more as a joke and sarcasm than anything. you’re still the number one in her heart for the most part.

[crisalidaseason]

Retouch

Summary: In which Layla and Magenta retouch Warren’s hair and he has a change of heart.

CW: just friends being cute, developing Layla/Warren, pre-relationship, frienship, blank period.

Warren looked nervously at the products he had bought a few days ago, laying them on the sink of his small bathroom as if staring at them would be helpful. He did not know what was worse: his mom not being able to help him or-

“Warren!” Magenta’s voice echoed through his home “hurry up!”

Oh yes. The two girls in his living room.

“Don’t be rude!” Williams loudly whispered.

He should not have accepted their help at all, but last time he tried to dye his red streak alone…let’s say his mother was very adamant on him never doing it alone again. 

“I’m here” he said while leaving the bathroom, taking the items with him. 

Magenta left the couch and immediately took the items from his hand, inspecting them with her forever judgemental stare.

“He actually knows the good stuff” she mumbled to Layla. 

The dark haired girl motioned for Warren to sit down on a chair, which he reluctantly did. 

“Believe me, Warren, I’ve seen Magenta do this before, she knows what she’s doing” Layla said as she stood beside him. 

Magenta expertly combed through his hair, tying most of it in a secure bun while leaving the fading red streaks out. He could see Layla messing with the bleach and peroxide at her friend’s request. Warren tried not to sneeze at the strong smell of the chemicals - a small price to pay if he wanted the bright red color.

“Don’t you dare” Layla suddenly threatened “use the gloves I brought”

The girl’s sudden warning tone was out of character for her. Layla was always sweet, always, and it was quite disturbing imagining otherwise. He was glad the warning was not directed at him, but Magenta seemed unbothered, as if the two girls had that argument before. 

“Okay, mom” she grunted “ready, hot head?”

“Just avoid the scalp” he told her. 

He stayed quiet as Magenta applied the stinky chemical on his hair. Usually, his mother would chat away while he just occasionally answered, but the two girls had something against him being silent. 

“Why red?” Magenta asked first “doesn’t it get boring after a while?”

“Why don’t you try another color?” Layla suggested. 

“Great idea, Williams!” Magenta exclaimed “we could try purple”

“Over my dead body” Warren replied. 

“Why?” both girls asked.

“Because I hate purple” he simply said “can you please focus on what you’re doing, pinky?”

“I can multitask, thank you” Magenta replied with a slight pull at his hair “don’t call me that or I’ll make you bald”

“Why don’t you try green?” of course Layla would suggest that. 

“No, green fades horribly!” Magenta exclaimed “maybe pink, or maybe he is against it too?” 

“Can we please just dye it red? It’s the only color I bought anyways” he grunted.

“No problem, I brought my own” Magenta replied “show him”

He regrets accepting their help profusely. As Layla took a small bag and opened it, he could see the large amount of hair dye she had inside, all the spectrum of colors. They had planned his demise!

“I’m never asking the two of you for help ever again” 

“Come on, Warren!” Layla pouted and Warren almost fainted right there and then “Pick a different color”

“No” he did not look at the ginger girl “we’re painting it red, I’m not your doll”

Layla sighed, sitting back on the couch with the bag of hair dye on her lap.

“What about we paint it red and another color?” Magenta suggested.

“Yes!” Layla beamed and clapped her hands “Come on, Warren! Just a small chunk of hair, please”

He made the mistake of looking at Layla. Her hands in prayer, pleading him to agree. Magenta, with her sick and diabolic mind, smiled at him like the trickster she was. The shapeshifter knew saying ‘no’ to Layla was difficult for him, it was the sole reason their friend group used Layla to make him agree with something. 

He groaned in annoyance one last time.

“Fine”

The next day, he went to school with red and green streaks freshly dyed. 

[classymurderteddy]

Just a random headcanon I thought up in the middle of the night- :'p

This headcanon had come to me after rewatching a movie that came on the TV yesterday, that I forgot even exiSted, as I hadn't seen it in .. like .. 7 yeArs, and it unlocked a whole childhood trauma I forgot I had, sooo .. yeH-

Now I'm making a headcanon inspired by it, because instead of being trAumatizEd by that movie like my 10[ or 11? Probably 11, as I can't at all remember if I watched this in January or not- ]-year-old self was, I now instead both love and hate this movie for the absolute trAuma it gave me- :D [ And before people try to come at me saying this ain't loRe accurate, lemme just remind you what a hEadcaNon is- ( Saying this thanks to some idiot a year or so ago on Wattpad attaCked me over a darned hEadcaNon- ) ]

Now-

We all know William Afton was an awfuL man-

Like .. that's no secret-

But his first victims were after the deaTh of his soN [ which, of course, was his fault, as when iSn't a death his fault-? ], and his second victim was Gabriel. The reason he killed Susie is really only known by him. Now, this was all way back when Fredbear and Freddy were still in production. HecK-

Chica was hardly a blueprint yet, and forget about Bonnie and Foxy-

They came waY later-

Anyway, Susie and Gabriel died in a relatively short time from one another. Maybe just a few months apart. And possibly the worst part was with these first two deaths, William actually planned them. Susie's involved him leading her under a nearby bridge with the excuse he found her dog there, and wanted to return it.

With Gabriel, it was a bit more personal, rather than just an itch of a mind that was slowly descending into grief-driven madness. In a way. Gabriel was on the Spectrum, much like his own son. However, unlike his son, Gabriel loved the animatronics. Back with Golden and Springbonnie, he could watch them for hours. And even after the place closed after the .. inCident, he started coming to watch the progress on rebuilding the Diner into the whole Fredbear's Family Diner thing. They'd even made little teasers for what was to come with the animatronics to build up recognition or whatever. Maybe it was because he was reminded of his own son, and wanted to keep him forever in some twisted way, or something complretely different- This was Afton, after all. Who's to know-?

And Gabriel was most excited for Freddy, out of the three animatronics they had planned for the time. Gabriel liked magic, and they'd said Freddy was going to be programmed for sleight of hand.

Afton, well, he'd been watching Gabriel [ ;; coUgh ;; stalking, more like ... ] for a while. Really ever since Susie got unlucky enough to follow him-

So one evening, Afton came up to him and told him that he had a surprise. Now, keep in mind, Gabriel was only 7, and had been relatively sheltered by overprotective parents. And Afton seemed trustworthy enough.

Then, to make a long story short, after being promised a special surprise that only special Freddy fans were allowed, Gabriel followed Afton into the nearby woods to an old shack Afton had built in his spare time just for this. Then Afton dropped the act after Gabriel started getting the feeling he'd really messed up in following, and .. well, let's just say the half-finished Freddy in the corner got a new, permenent fan- :1

And then, when Chica was at least half-created, Afton took whatever remained of Susie and gave her the same treatment as Gabriel. But after that, since the place was open and had customers when Bonnie and Foxy came along, and Afton found a new hobby that definitely didn't prove he was sane, he instead lured Jeremy and Fritz together into the backroom rather than the elaborate planning the prior two had required.

[careful-wish]

The official playlists for Risk and Expose have been updated (a lot of songs removed Risk's and a ton added to Expose's) so here you go!

Risk by careful_wish

Three years after running away from home to live with Nancy, Mike Wheeler is now 19 years old in 1991. Studying music and writing while working in a bar and playing in a band, Mike has spent the better part of two years building up a persona on stage that shuts people out, keeps his secrets close to the chest, and he tries not to let anyone close outside of his small friend group. Then one night, at a gig, he sees Will Byers and Eleven Hopper sitting in the audience, and Mike begins to struggle to keep up the walls he built up for so long, especially as he gets to know the shy Will, who has secrets of his own.

Will becomes the first person Mike risks it all for, and he doesn’t know at what cost it will be.

playlist: (separated to signify the story being in three parts)

make up your mind by florence + the machine || smalltown boy by bronski beat || should i stay or should i go by the clash || invisible by shadow academy || down bring me down by electric light orchestra || running up that hill by kate bush || lost in the shadows by lou gramm || afraid by the neighbourhood || DARE by the gorillaz || champagne coast by blood orange || my type by saint motel || don't you want me by the human league || king and lionheart by monsters and men || beat it by michael jackson || juke box hero (glee cast version) ||

as it was by harry styles || mirror in the bathroom by the beat || tom sawyer by rush || the First lie by kyle dixon and michael stein || in the end (natewantstobattle & arin hanson) || karma by taylor swift || still down know my name by labrinth || destroying the castle by kyle dixon and michael stein || war of hearts by ruelle || dream on (neil patrick harris and matthew morrison) by aerosmith || the way by zack hemsey || different strings by rush || don't blame me by taylor swift || cinnamon girl by lana del rey || i ran (so far away) by a flock of seagulls ||

way down we go by kaleo || sweater weather by the neighbourhood || daylight by david kushner || sex, drugs, etc by beach weather || we fell in love in october by girl in red || adore you by harry styles || i'm yours by isabel larosa || i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys || the scientist (glee cast) by coldplay || reflections by the neighbourhood || running in the night (with you) by fm-84 and ollie wride || seven by taylor swift

~~

Expose by careful_wish

Ever wondered what happened to Jonathan and his friends during the events of Risk? Due a strongly kept promise, what happened has never been revealed... until now.

The year is 1991. Despite missing his family, Jonathan Byers is grateful for the five years to do his own thing. In his second year of university after a few gap years to work on his photography, Will and El move into Jonathan's house. Jonathan finds it harder and harder to hide his failing mental health, especially when darkness from his past surrounding El and Will's two year disappearance begins to rear its ugly head. Things take a drastic turn with the return of Billy, Mike and Dustin are injured, and Dustin goes missing.

Jonathan is desperate to keep his own problems down, but it becomes increasingly difficult as various things are discovered. Will he himself be exposed to those he loves most?

--

Jonathan's POV of Risk. The official second in the Risk series.

playlist:

the other side by shadow academy || creep by radiohead || bad luck charm by jeff williams || shatter (all my dreams) || The First Lie by kyle dixon and michael stein || howling at the moon by skyhill || no one knows by queens of the stone age || the eyes of tomorrow by broken iris || live wire by motley crue || spectrum (say my name) by florence + the machine || running up that hill cover by samuel kim || call me little sunshine by ghost || don't fear (the reaper) by blue oyster cult || make me wanna die by the pretty reckless || master of puppets by metallica || seven nation army by the white stripes || the diary of jane by breaking benjamin || sound of madness by shinedown

please note: jonathan's story is still a wip, and the songs are a combination of what mike and jonathan themselves would listen to, songs describing their stories, feelings, and relationships, and lastly, songs that represent significant characters in their stories, such as will, lucas, and eddie.

[kettle-cover]

Kets, I wonder... what are some of your headcanons for William? :)

Well, let’s talk about William!

Now I have two versions of him. The first one is more canonical, another one – is William usual for this blog, open and positive person, who isn’t averse to venture into an adventure.

In general, the story of the second character is quite simple. Someone reblogged my picture of a meeting and put the hashtag #William is so happy. That's how appeared William enjoying life.

Initially I assumed that some drastic change had happened in his life, which allowed him to start breathing deeply (when I started this blog, I found interesting to draw these guys as they could be without their major traumas).

This William is one of the wealthiest people in corporation and quite successful in business (he knows how to achieve his goals, despite his apparent lightheadedness). He’s considering about starting his own oil company outside of Cogs Inc.

Many of his lines are connected with Shapeshifter. He invited her to register a patent for new methods of drilling and oil exploration. He took her with him to one of the oil fields to demonstrate these methods in action (this is often done when the client wants the patent attorney to clearly understand the essence of the invention), they quickly found a common language and became friends.

He is resistant to most doping, practically does not get drunk, so at one time he and Shapeshifter willingly drink different types of doped oil and caught funny hallucinations under them (kinda soft ver of fear and loathing in Las Vegas).

By the way, they are both bisexual, but Shapeshifter is in the center of the spectrum, and William is closer to homosexuality (his taste is mainly large cogs, like Wilde). He is quite liberated in sexual terms and is ready to openly talk about these topics. As a rule, he is a passive partner, including being submissive.

[anonymouse1312437]

Meet & Greet

~ Explicit! E is not for everyone! 18+ Only! 

 Minors DNI  

This contains fluff and Smut  

Please be nice I am just getting back into writing fanfics. I hope you enjoy! ~ 

Word count: 8,398 words  

Random Matthew Lillard Smut/fluff 

Today is the day I am going to meet my favorite celebrity. | can't wait to see this grown man. All of his work is impeccable. My favorite is when he played a secret serial killer. Ghostface. Scream is my favorite horror film. Stu Matcher. One of the best Ghostface in the series. He made a great William Afton. Matthew Lillard is by far my favorite male actor. The people in line before me waiting to meet the wonderful person started to quiet down. He must have arrived. 

"Hey everyone, I want the ones who are disabled or somehow on the spectrum to make their way to the front of the line" 

Matthew himself hollered. I saw a few people shift and move to the front of the line with nervous jitters. 

He truly is amazing. What a kind thing to do. I was in two other lines before, and they did not do that. The line moved somewhat quickly but, he tried his best to spend time with each person but, the staff continued to rush him. The closer I got to him I could tell he was getting increasingly frustrated. It was not with his fans but with the convention workers.  

"Next in line please.” A blonde angry looking woman said. 

I was almost at the front of the line. There were two people in front of me still. I was almost able to get an autograph and picture with him. So very close. 

"You know what, I need a break right now. I am getting very upset." I heard him say to a different staff member. 

"Alright everyone, Mr. Lillard is going to take a break. He will resume in an hour. sorry for the inconvenience." A parade of fans sighed. some of them got angry and stormed off. I, however, stayed put. The two people in front of me also stepped out of line. Making me the first person for when he returns. I did not want to wait another hour in line again if I could avoid it. I sat on the floor and took out my phone to play on it while I waited. I opened Tumblr and decided to read some of the fanfic others have written about him. 

Twenty minutes passed by and as I moved on to the next little story about him, I noticed it was a more explicit writing. I loved reading the smut about him. I managed to get through most of it and had gotten to the words, 

"And he growled and moaned into my ear as he thrusted into me harder as he filled me with his cum.” As someone cleared their throat behind me. Great, this is slightly awkward. I locked my phone and set it on my lap. 

I looked behind me and followed the tall figure up to the head of the person behind me and my jaw dropped open. It was him. Matthew Lillard. Shit. How long was he standing there? I started to feel my cheeks get warm. I am so embarrassed.  

"That looked like an interesting read." He said and smiled down at me. I don't think I can even form words right now. 

"I especially liked the ending." He chuckled. I smiled a little. I stood up and put my phone in my back pocket.  

"I couldn't be more embarrassed. Hey, my name is y/n." I smiled at him still blushing like a mad person. 

"Nice to meet you. Why don't you come sit over here at the table with me." He said. 

I followed him over to the table. 

"Is this allowed I don't want to get you into any trouble. I also don't want to impose or ruin your break." I said. I really do not want to take up his time to relax or embarrass myself more than I already have. 

"Don't worry. It’s fine. I have another forty minutes of free time and if I want to spend it with a friend I will." He said. Damn it! I was able to get my blushing under control finally and now I am blushing again. For being in my twenties my reactions don't act like it.  

"So, what is your favorite movie? " He asked.  

"Overall? Or something you were in?" I questioned. He gave me a big smile. 

"Overall." He kept the same smile on his face. 

"Okay I would say my favorite is a rom-com. 50 first dates. I think Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore make the best on screen couple even if the movie over all is incredibly cheesy. Now, my favorite horror movie would be Scream." I said proud of my answer.  

"That is a pretty good movie. Now, you don't have to throw the scream movie out there to boost my ego." He laughed a little.  

"Oh, I mean it. It's a good movie." I smiled at him. “I am sure you know that though. You happen to be my favorite actor.” I said sheepishly. He blushed a little.  

“Now you really are trying to boost my ego, aren’t you? No need to do that. I mean it’s nice but, you don’t have to.” He said with a smile.  

“I mean it’s the main reason I came to comic con this year. I was not going to if I did not think it was going to be worth it. Meeting you definitely made it worth it. I bought the tickets so last minute that I didn’t think I would get a chance to buy the photos with you. Sorry. I will try to calm down the super fan thing.” I said, trying to calm down the excitement. He just laughed lightly and tried to hide his blush, but it crept onto his cheeks.  

“Mr. Lillard, is this fan bothering you? Also, it’s only about five minutes until the signings and photos start back up.” The blonde angry looking lady said.  

“No, they are fine. They are not bothering me. That is quite all right thank you for the five-minute warning.” he said, smiling at her and she walked off. “It’s really all right. It happens by the way. I’m kind of used to it. Eventually the shock of it will wear off. I’m just like you in many ways, I’m sure. Just a different job is all.” He said. I’m sure he is trying to ease my comfort but, that doesn’t help at all.  

“I don’t mean to pry but, are you feeling all right? It almost seemed like you were a bit frustrated which kind of sprang on the need for a break.” I said almost mumbling the last part.  

“Definitely a little frustrated. I don’t like to be rushed when meeting fans. You all paid a lot to do the autographs and photos and rushing it really is wrong. I don’t like it when the staff pushes people to rush. It’s also how people get hurt and I really don’t want that.” He said. “Time flies though when you have someone nice to talk to. Even if they are fanning over you. Mind if I ask how old you are?” He questioned me.  

“I am twenty-five. I guess I'm still technically in my prime but, you know how life goes. I don’t exactly act like it.” I smiled. “Maybe I should get out of your hair. You are going to get busy again. I am feeling a little selfish right now because I definitely got more time than I should have with you.” I smiled.  

“Well, wait. You also were in line for everything what did you want me to sign?” 

“Oh, I was going to have you sign on my arm if that’s okay?” I don’t want to creep him out but, I want to get it tattooed.  

“Are you planning to tattoo it?” He asked. Damn I know I am not the only one to think of it, but I don’t want him to say no. I also don’t want to lie to him either. I nodded my head and he smiled at me again.  

“Alright. That’s definitely some pressure then. I cannot mess it up.” He laughed louder. I held out my left arm and he started to look at the other tattoos on it.  

“Where did you want it?” He asked.  

“Right next to the semi-colon.” I smiled at him. He grabbed my arm and started to sign his name, so it was facing me. Once he finished signing his name, he stepped away from me.  

“And your picture?” He said. I pulled my phone out and pulled my camera up.  

‘Here let me see if you don’t mind.” He said holding out his hand to grab my phone. I let him have my phone and he started to take photos of us. He took like ten photos of the two of us and handed my phone back. I put my phone into my back pocket to make sure I didn’t lose it.  

“It was really nice talking to you today. Thank you for keeping me company. I appreciate it.” He said and pulled me in for a hug. I gave him a hug and pulled away.  

Oh, my goodness it was that amazing. Best day ever. I waved goodbye and walked off as I saw a bunch of people start lining up again for autographs and photos.  

I spent the next two hours going through the convention and buying some stuff from the vendors. After that I felt pretty tired and I had paid to stay in the hotel across the street. The Hyatt was a pretty nice hotel and subway was next to it but, there was also a bar within walking distance. I started to make my way to the hotel and went to check in at the front desk.  

I handed my card over to the receptionist and she verified that it was me and handed over my key card. I went up to my room 304 and opened the door. I stepped inside to the first hotel room I rented by myself. It was beautiful. It had a king bed. A beautiful white plush duvet and fluffy pillows on the bed. A nice flat screen TV on a dresser and lamps that hung off the wall. It was beautiful. I walked over to the bed and plopped down on it. I know my house is only 30 miles away but, this was a great idea. I love a stay cation. I just laid on the bed ignoring the world for twenty minutes before finally taking my phone out of my pocket and opening up the gallery. I started to flip through the pictures from today and after a few minutes got to the ones Matthew took of the two of us. He was so tall. So very handsome. He still looked similar to when he was working on five nights at Freddy’s. The black hair, his salt and pepper beard. The mustache. It was all there. He looked like he was muscular. The hug only confirmed how he has the perfect amount of muscle but wasn’t ridiculous. He didn’t have abs but he doesn’t need them. He is perfect the way he is. Fuck me. I push myself off of the mattress and stand back up. I open my backpack and pull out a couple of outfits. What do I want to wear tonight?  

My options are a black skinny Jeans and a crop top. Or shorts and a t-shirt. Both go great with my tennis shoes. I have two extra pairs of socks and some boots in my bag as well. That was fun taking this through the security check. I’ll decide later. I am just going to shower really quick and rinse off and then I’ll get ready to go grab something to eat.  

I pull my hair tie off my wrist and put my hair up. I walk into the bathroom and turn the shower on. I made sure to put it on hot water and grabbed the wash rag the hotel provided and the body wash. I got undressed and stepped inside of the shower. I started to wash myself and then I remembered about his autograph on my arm. Shit. Shit. Shit. No. God damn it. No!  

I looked next to my semi colon and half of it was already washed off. Fuck me. That really sucks. I meant to not get that part wet and I messed it up. How fucking dumb of me. I finished up the shower with tears rolling down my cheeks. That fucking sucks. I mean I still have the memory of today but, that won’t last forever. The tattoo was going to last forever.  

I guess it will be fine. I got put of the shower and dried off. I went back over to the bed and reached for the t-shirt and shorts. I put on a new pair of socks and put my shoes on. I took the hair tie out of my hair and shook it out. My curls came back to life. I hated makeup so I opted to not wear any tonight. I think I look better without it anyway. I grabbed my phone off of the bed and slid it into my back pocket and grabbed my wallet and slid that into my other back pocket. Alright time to go to the bar. I need a drink after washing off the autograph like an idiot. 

I made my way out of the hotel and walked a block away to the bar. Once I walked in I heard the music faintly in the background. It was I want to rock and roll all night by kiss. I could karaoke to this song if I was drunk enough. I made my way over to the bar and sat down on a stool. I waited for the bartender to make their way over to me.  

“Is this seat taken?” Someone poked me on my right shoulder and gestured to the right of me.  

“Not at all.” I said. He was handsome. He was pale and slender. Had blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. He looked like he was around my age.  

“My name is Daniel. Can I buy you a drink?” He said.  

“Hey I’m y/n and I don’t see why not.” I said with a smile. He gestured to have the bartender come over.  

“I would like a vodka soda and she would like-“ He motioned to me.  

“I would like a whiskey please.” I said and Daniel looked at me with a smile. The bartender nodded and walked off to make us our drinks.  

“Wow a strong drink and not a mixed drink. That’s pretty hot. I’m not going to lie to you.” I smiled at his comment.  

“Thank you. I like my drinks strong. Helps get rid of any mistakes I might make or have made.” I said as my drink was handed to me by the bartender. Daniel handed the bartender his card and quickly paid for the drinks.  

“Hey do you mind if I sit next to you?” I heard someone say. There is a familiarity  to this person’s voice.  

“Yeah sure.” I said again refocusing my attention to Daniel.  

“You here by yourself tonight?” He asked me. I don’t want to say yes. He seems nice but, I don’t get a great feeling from him.  

“No my friend is just in the bathroom. She should be here any moment with her boyfriend and his friend.” I said.  

“Oh so like a double date?” He asked.  

“Yeah I guess you could say that.  

“Oh okay, well I will get out of your hair then. Sorry.” He said. I smiled as he made his way away from me.  

I drank the rest of the whiskey and was getting ready to flag the bartender over but the person on my left flagged them down and ordered a bourbon.  

"Do you mind topping off this young woman's drink.” He added and pointed to me. 

"Oh thank you for doing that I could have done that. " I said and finally looked at who sat next to me. It took a minute for my brain to register that it was Matthew Lillard. 

"Decided against getting it tattooed huh?" He said with a slight smile. 

"No, believe me I was upset when I realized I forgot that it was there and half of it was gone already. I was going to try and go back to your panel tomorrow to see if you could autograph it again." I said and looked down at my wrist. 

"Well here." He grabbed my wrist and pulled a marker out of his pocket and signed next to my semi colon again. He added a small heart next to it and that made me smile big. My cheeks got red as I started to blush. 

"I knew that was gonna make you blush!" He laughed and I grabbed my face in an attempt to hide my cheeks.  

"Stop it. I never blush and today I just can’t stop. I only ever blush if I think someone is extremely attractive.” I threw that in there to see if he would also blush and it worked. He was blushing and it was really cute to see. I pulled my hands away from my face. 

"Now we are even!" I smiled at him. The bartender came back and handed us our drinks. I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and pulled out my card. I started to hand it to the bartender but Matthew pushed my hand down and offered the bartender his card.  

"Absolutely not. Let me pay. Including your drink." I said. 

"No way. I don't mind buying. You have managed to make what was going to be a rather frustrating day to a good day. This is my way of thanking you.” He smiled saying every word. 

"Well, thank you. Have you eaten dinner yet?" I asked. I really hope he says no. I would like to eat up my time with him, 

"I have not. I don't know what's around here outside of the subway next to my hotel." He said and I couldn't hide my blush or smile. "Well that and it's hard to enjoy a night out without people stopping and asking to take a picture with me." He added. 

"Well it might be a little forward of me but, if your open to it maybe we could order something and hang out at my hotel." I immediately felt like a creep. "I'm sorry I just thought that it would be private so you wouldn't have to deal with everyone else. I understand how creepy I must sound. I am really sorry.” I said and started to drink my whiskey again. 

"I actually would like that. That is if it's still an option." He said downing the rest of his drink. I sat therein shock. He said yes. Did I leave anything embarrassing out? I don't think I did. 

“Yeah let's go then. But, I get to pay for dinner." I said and saw him smile. I stood up and put my wallet in my pocket and double checked that my phone was still in my pocket. I made my way out of the bar with him following me. He stepped to the side of me and walked in tandem with me.  

"What did you want to eat?" He asked me. 

"I am up for anything what would you like to eat?" I asked. 

"I could also go for anything. Subway is right there we can go order really quick and take it there.” He offered. 

"Sure." I said and walked with him into subway. As we heard the chimes from he door one of the workers looked up from their phone. It was an hour until closing so it makes sense that they are not busy and have been on there phones. 

"Hello what can I get started for you today?" The worker asked. He motioned for me to go first.  

"I would like a six inch sub on italian herbs and cheese with pepper jack cheese toasted please." I said and she started to make the sandwich and put it in the toaster. 

"And for you Sir?" She asked Matthew. 

"I will just get the same thing she is getting to make it simple.” he said and she nodded. 

"Are you sure? I am about to get a really bland sandwich." I mentioned. 

"Yeah it will be fine." He said. 

Once the toaster was done I added ham and turkey, mayonnaise and mustard and that was it. She made sure both sandwiches were made the same way and walked us down to the checkout.  

"Alright did you want to add chips and a drink to your order today?" she asked. 

"Yes two large drinks and two chips." I said and walked over to the chip shelves they have and grabbed some of the cool ranch doritos and looked back at him to see what he wanted and he motioned for the same chips. I turned back around to grab the chips when I heard her ask him if it was going to be cash or card and he responded with card. When I turned around I quickly moved to his side and bumped him out of the way lightly. I pulled out my wallet and grabbed my card and used the tap to pay and put my card away. Matthew sighed and put his card back in his wallet. He grabbed the sandwich bag with our chips and I grabbed the cups. 

"What would you like to drink?" I asked him. He looked over his options for a moment. 

"A sprite is fine.” He said.  

I filled up both of our cups with ice and sprite and we headed out of the store. I walked him to the hotel next door and walked over to the elevator. He followed behind me. 

"This is your hotel?" he asked while looking at me. 

"yes it is why?” I asked. 

"This is also my hotel for the next couple of nights." He said. 

"That is pretty cool. At least when you get sick of hanging out with me it won't be a long walk to your hotel." I smiled. 

"I am sure I won't get sick of you.” He added. 

Well shit. That made me blush again. I hope he doesn't ditch me too soon. If I am Iucky he won't ditch me at all tonight. Once the elevator doors open up on the third floor I walk us over to my door. He grabbed one of the drinks from my hand in order to help me free up my hands to get my key card. I got my wallet out of my back pocket and opened it up and grabbed my key card. I tapped it on the door and it unlocked. I stepped into the room holding the door open for him.   

“Wow. It’s nice in your room. I mean it's nice in mine too but, I guess I just expect it to be different some how and it's not." He said. I giggled at his observation and sat on the bed and sat the drink on the end table. I grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. I flipped through the channels on the TV until I found a movie. It was Blended. Another good Adam Sandler movie.  

“Is this okay?” I asked him.  

“Yeah that’s a good movie. I have seem it many times and it makes me laugh every time.” He said still standing up. I pat the bed next to me as an indication to come sit down and he moved to that side of the bed and set his drink down on that end table. He sat the bag of food next to me and sat on the bed. He bent over and undid his shoes and then moved to lean against the headboard and propped his feet up on the bed. I grabbed the bag and handed him a sandwich. I pulled out my sandwich and opened it up. I took a bite and realized that maybe eating subway was a bad idea. I wrapped the sandwich up and put it on the end table. I took a drink and moved the chips to the end table too. A few minutes into the movie he was rolling his sandwich paper into a ball and threw it towards the garbage. He managed to make it in but, left the chips on the end table. He took a drink of his soda and put it back on the end table. He moved a little closer to the middle of the bed which meant he was closer to me. I took another drink myself and set it back down. I readjusted myself closer to the middle of the bed without trying to touch him.  

“Was your day good at least?” He asked me.  

“Yeah it was actually pretty good. It’s actually been my first relaxing day in a while.” I said.  

“Well that’s good. If this was your relaxing day what is a normal day for you?” He asked looking at me.  

“Well I’m a accounting major so I am mainly in the books as a full time job and on my free time I’m an author. I switch between writing romance books and fanfiction if I’m truly bored or need something to get rid of the writers block.” I said and smiled.  

“Well your day job sounds a bit boring and hard and if you write for fun in your free time does that mean you have something published? Even if fanfiction is your answer that technically counts.” He said chuckling towards the tail end of that.  

“I just published my first book a month ago. I haven’t advertised it the way I should. I am supposed to start advertising it this week during one of my days off. But, I am a bit nervous because I used a lot of real life inspiration behind it. Which means it can go one of two ways with the public. My day job is not boring it’s just not for everyone I suppose. I’m a numbers person. I enjoy doing mathematical stuff all day. It’s actually a bit relaxing for me.” I said.  

“Wow, a nerd at heart then. You don’t find that a lot these days.” He said with a big smile on his face.  

“I love being a nerd. It’s my favorite. I mean don’t get me wrong if I’m not working or writing, I’m reading or playing games. I prefer board games and card games over video games but, some times I play those too. Or I crochet. Which has become another favorite past time. I’m sorry I babble a lot.” I say now looking towards my hands.  

“It’s really okay. It’s nice to hear that you not entirely crazy. You know liking math is something that makes you crazy. Everything else makes you human. Well I mean the fanfiction is questionable. Depends on what you write about.” He laughed a little bit.  

“I mean I write it all. I have no shame about writing inappropriate things. My romance book is a dark romance. It’s full of erotic scenes. Which is why fanfiction sometimes helps me get past my writers block.” I add a little more honestly.  

“So does that mean you have written about me? Or any of the characters I have played?” He asked and looked at me with a big grin. I couldn’t look at him. A smile crept onto my face and I tried to cover my face quickly but he saw me blush right away.  

“You have written about me.” He started to laugh a little harder. “Okay, now was it me or a character or yes like all of the above?” He asked and I felt my cheeks get even more red. “Oh its been all of them. Can I read one? Or even two? Please? I just want to see what your writing style is like.” He said and my jaw dropped and I let my hands fall from my face.  

“Oh absolutely not. I may enjoy writing it but, I could never imagine you reading something I wrote. I knew there was always a chance you might see it one day but, having you read it directly next to me? I think I will pass. Absolutely not.” I said laughing through it nervously.  

“Maybe you could read it to me then? Skip the parts you don’t want me to know?” He asked again this time batting his eyes.  

“That would be the entire thing. No way. I would rather you read them by yourself. I couldn’t read that out loud to you.” I noted.  

“Are you shy about what you wrote or is it that filthy?” He smiled a bit at me. “What character of mine do you write the most about?” I know who I have written about more than enough times to tell him but, what does that say about me? Yes Stu might be my favorite but when writing scenes it’s always William afton. Something about the depiction is the best. Do I say it? Do I not? Oh my God. I think I’m going to say it.  

“If it’s not you as yourself then I guess it would be William Afton. Stu Matcher may be my favorite but writing wise it’s gotta be William Afton.” He laughed a bit at my response. 

“I am already embarrassed as is. You don’t have to laugh too.” I started to laugh myself to try and hide my blush but, it fails. I shrink back into the bed and hide my face with my hands and rest my head on the pillow.  

“Don’t be embarrassed everyone has their preference. But what is it about that character? Or me? Like what vibe do you get that you write about? I want to know if it’s accurate to what actually happens with me.” He asked.  

“I would say with you if your talking about the dynamic and style I would say your adaptive to your person. What ever they want you want to give them. So if the person your with wants a rough ride you give it to them or if they want soft or a mix that’s what you do. Now William I see him being more of a dominating person. The man that says get on your knees and take it or I’m going to make you take it kind of person. I don’t know I guess that’s what kind of vibe I get.” I say. I stand up and take my wallet and phone out of my back pocket and set it inside the drawer of the end table. I don’t need it right now anyway. I bent down and took off my shoes while I was at it and sat back on the bed next to him. My leg brushing against his leg.  

“You are so fucking tall. Your legs alone are a half a foot to a foot longer than mine.” I giggled.  

“Or you are just incredibly short. What are you 5’5?” He laughed and started to focus on the TV a bit more.  

“I wish I am 5’3 that two inches is much necessary for my height. It would make a difference to have an additional two inches somewhere.” I laughed and quickly realized how that must have sounded.  

“Oh god that sounded awful.” I started to laugh a bit too hard at my own wording. He started to crack up and patted my leg when he started to calm down. If only he had hit my thigh a little further up. The skin contact is much wanted.  

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get physical with you.” He said as he pulled his hand from my leg.  

“I didn’t mind one bit.” I said with a little grin on my face.  

“Alright missy. Calm down now. If I don’t get to read one then I’m not trying to create one.” He said and I immediately turned red. What did he just say? If he doesn’t get to read one then he isn’t trying to create one? Uhm yes please. I don’t know if he is teasing me but, maybe I can do it back and see how far it goes. 

“Oh don’t tempt me like that. I know when to stop being embarrassed and show off my writing when I’m threatened with a good time.” I smiled and looked towards the TV.  

“Then let me read one if you think you can do that.” He said and smiled towards the TV. I turned towards the end table and pulled my phone out. I unlocked it and opened up my tumblr and went to my latest fanfic about him and handed him my phone. It was a William Afton based one so this should be interesting. He grabbed my phone and started to read it. He is kind of like me in the sense of how ling it takes to read something. It took a minute before I saw him scrolling down. The ending is more or less the filthy part of it. The choking, gagging, ass smacking and grabbing. The bruising every aspect of it was utter filth. I enjoyed writing it. He started to shift a little as he was reading parts of it and I am trying my best to not stare at him while he reads. I kept trying to focus on the scene on front of me when Drew Barrymores character is putting makeup on the little blonde girl. He cleared his throat next to me so I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw he was towards the bottom already. He shifted again pulling at a pant leg. Almost like a readjustment but I didn’t want to assume. I started to get antsy because I knew he was done with the one at this point but he clicked off of that and started to read a second one. This one I knew was Stu Matchers. That one was a bit darker and more sadistic in nature. That one was bound to be more of a red flag about me if anything. A few more minutes pass before I look over and this time I notice him reading one about himself that I wrote. No character needed or necessary. It was just him. Being a rough person from behind and getting more adventures. He cleared his throat again before handing me back my phone.  

“I would say you definitely have a way with words. They are pretty good. I would also say you have the characters nearly spot on with what I think they would like. It’s interesting to know that I can convey it that way without having to I guess show it in that way.” He said again shifting and letting one of his legs off of the best and sitting himself further up.  

“Are you okay? You seem a bit restless?” I asked him.  

“Yeah I am fine. It’s just those were very detailed.” He said hiding a blush.  

“Oh so are you? I mean never mind.” I started to laugh. Uh oh. I did warn him I write that sort of material so this is his own fault. I looked over and his eyes were closed and he looked like he was trying his best to subside this new feeling in the room. I looked back at the TV and thankfully it was at another funny part so I started to laugh and put my hand on his thigh. I have seen this movie plenty of times to know even though it is funny I wouldn’t actually be laughing anymore. I felt the muscle in his thigh tighten and I gave it a light squeeze and just lightly pulled my hand off of his thigh.  

Once my hand left his leg he stood up. I pressed my luck to far. I knew it. Shit. He is going to bail. I should have left it as is. We were having a good time.   

“Please don’t start this. Don’t actually start this. It’s been awhile for me and I’m an incredibly lonely man in that sense. I am eating up all the attention you are giving me right now and you are half of my age. I have been alone for awhile now. All of my stuff is public so I am sure you know that I am completely alone and this attention. Yeah I’m loving every part of it but, of you start and I lean into it please don’t take it back.” He said looking at me talking with his hands. I saw the veins in his neck tighten a little and he was shifting his weight between his feet almost like he was rocking himself. I stood up and got close to him. I was only an arm distance away from where he was standing and I closed the gap.  

“I didn’t mean to start it but, I would really like to continue if you let me. I’m sure as hell not going to want to stop either.” I said reaching out for him. He was in a standard  black t-shirt and washed our blue jeans. I started to play with the hem of his shirt while looking at the bottom of it. I wanted to try and take his shirt off of him but, before I could I felt his right hand touch my neck. He added a little force to the back of my neck and pulled me the rest of the way toward him and looked down towards me and forced my head to look up towards him. He closed the gap and leaned down and kissed me. It wasn’t something cheesy. It wasn’t magical it was full of lust and desire. Right in this moment he wanted this as badly as I did.  

He let his tongue slowly glide against my bottom lip and I opened my mouth a little more for him. He deepened the kiss a little more and his left hand started to rest on my waist. I felt a little pressure coming from his left hand and realized the was trying to push me backwards towards the bed. I kept my footing and again made an attempt to take his shirt off again. This time I was more successful. He pulled away from me and pulled his shirt over his head. He reached for my shirt and pulled it off of me. He closed the gap between us again and started kissing me again pulling at the button on my shorts. He managed to get the button undone and he attempted to push them down around my hips but I stopped him. I pushed him away from me slightly and pulled my shorts off myself. while I was down there I also took off my socks. In a swift movement I fell down onto my knees and undid his pants and pulled them down to his ankles and he kicked them off along with his socks. 

| pulled him closer to me and slowly ran my fingers up his thigh and stopped both my hands when they got to his hips. I moved my right hand to his penis and gripped it at the base.  

"You don't have to- " He started to say but. I cut him off by lightly licking the tip of his cock and circling my tongue around the head of his penis. Wrapping my lips around the head once I was done enjoying the moan it pulled from him.  

"Fuck me.” He mumbled in a low moan. 

That's what is egging me on right now. What an amazing sound. I wonder what sound I will get from him when I do this. I slowly move my head in a back and forth motion and finally thrust my head forward and bury his cock down my throat making me gag a little as I get to the base of his cock. I ran my tongue out past my bottom lip and lick his balls as best as I can. A growl escapes the back of his throat and a moan follows as his hands rush to the back of my head holding it there. He is by no means a small or average sized man. I just buried at least eight to nine inches down my throat. 

“Fuck, fuck, okay" He said with a moan following each word. He finally released the grip from my head and reached for my arm and pulled me up towards him. He leaned down and started to kiss me again this time pushing me back into the bed. 

"My turn. Crawl up to the middle of the bed.” He said in a hushed tone. I immediately shifted my weight onto my arms and pulled myself to the middle of the bed and watched him follow.  

“Hand me a pillow.” He motioned for a pillow beside my head and I gave him one. He crawled between my legs and pulled my waist up and plopped the pillow under it and my ass. He got back off of the bed and laid directly in front of me on his stomach with his head between my legs. I didn’t prepare for this. I had stubble on my vagina. I was not prepared for it to have a conversation with anyone.  

 “Fuck you look so good.” He said. I thought I was going to swoon harder. Before I could give an honest attempt to try and stop him from dining in on my pussy he dove right in. He glided his tongue up against my labias and wrapped his lips around them biting them lightly. He repeated the motion a couple of times before running his tongue flat against my clit. I threw my head back at the feeling and a deep moan escaped from me. One I have never made before. He continued the three motions before humming against my clit and drawing circles and the alphabet on it. He bit down on my clit which felt so good I reached down and slid my fingers into his hair and held him at that spot to have him do it again.  

“Oh fuck. That feels really good." I said. Talking isn’t my strong suit during sex. He hummed against my clit again and I felt his left hand leave my right thigh. He nibbled on my clit again and started to push a finger in from his left hand. Fuck. I can tell how he has barely gotten to his first knuckle. He started licking and massaging my clit more as he got to his second knuckle and another bite when he got to his third knuckle. He thrusted that finger in and out of me until I could no longer feel every detail of his finger and then he added a second and went again. I felt dangerously close to an orgasm already. He started to move the two fingers inside of me in an up and down motion against the softer part of the top of my pussy. It felt like it was on the other side of my clit. That's a new feeling. 

"Fuck. Oh fuck." I said panting and moaning between each word. There is a lot of pressure building up against me right now. 

"Oh god. Fuck me." I can't stop whats about to happen. It feels like waves are crashing down. I get louder with the moans and I start to fell like I soaked my bed all of a sudden. What the fuck was that?  

"Fuck me that was so fucking hot.” Matthew said and crawled up so he was now hovering over me. He leaned down and started to kiss me again. 

" Damn it." He said. "I don't think I have a condom." He mentioned.  

"I don't have one but, I am clean and l have an IUD as birth control. I am not going to get pregnant. I'm good with this if you are.” I said and he looked at me. I can't read his expression right now. 

" If not I can go back to su- " I was in the middle of my sentence when he cut me off by kissing me again. He rested his weight on his left arm and lined himself up with my vagina. He slowly started to thrust into me and the thickness of his cock started to stretch me open. 

"Oh fuck." My eyes closed and my head fell further back onto the pillow. 

"Fuck you are so tight around me” He moaned out.  

I could feel the tip just barely get past the opening. As he thrusted further I could feel the veins on his cock. He kept going slow until I felt his balls against my ass and his head dropped down to my neck. He started to pull his cock out and when the tip felt the breeze from inside the room he thrusted himself inside the deeper and faster. He continued to be rough with me on my back.  

"Wait – Please wait." I panted out. 

"Can I get into a better position for this Please?" I asked. He crawled off of me and readjusted myself on all fours in front of him. I fucking love doggy style. I felt his hand lightly trace my ass before taking it off. I felt it come back down with force across it and a deep moan came out of me. He positioned himself back into me. Now resting his hands on my hips. He started to thrust forward into me but pulling my hips into him forcing his cock even deeper inside of me. I bit my lip to keep from screaming out.  

"Fuck you feel so damn good!" He said between thrusts. He moved his right hand to the small of my back and put his left hand into my hair and pulled me to sit up against him. 

“Who am I right now in your mind darling ?" He asked holding me against him.  

" You are you. Matthew." I said not really sure what he means. 

"Try again" He thrusted harder into me. Moving his left hand from my hair to my throat squeezing it. 

"Who are you fucking right now darling? Tell me." He said repeatedly slamming into me. His grip on my throat getting stronger. As he slams back into me his right hand snakes around the front of me and starts massaging my clit. Oh fuck he is hitting that spot again.  

"Tell me." He moans into my ear nibbling it. 

"William Afton." I say moaning it out. The last scene I wrote on the fanfic. I get it now. 

"It got me so hard." He thrusted into me again. The feeling coming back of a wave crashing was just a thrust away. 

"Lay on your back. I want to see what you look like when you squirt around my cock." 

He pulled out of me and I immediately laid on my back opening my legs for him. He quickly repositioned himself again and thrusted into me and found the right spot, He started thrusting against it hard and fast and within seconds I felt my toes curl.  Oh fuck. Oh god. I started to shake a little under him. 

"That's it. Squirt all over my cock." He moaned into my ear and bit down on my neck.  

"Oh fuck." I felt every gush leave my body. 

"Oh fuck yes. I am going to cum." He moaned into my ear his pace picking up. He moaned really loud and I started to feel every drop fill me up. I had a smaller orgasm at the feeling. I grinded a little against him to get the last bit of friction I so desperately wanted. 

"Oh god. That was amazing. Thank you."  He said and slowly pulled himself out of me hissing as it finally felt the cold air again. I can't believe that just happened. He rolled off of me and onto his back.  

I went to sit up but immediately felt sore. Fuck the button half of me hurts. 

"Let me help you." He said and got up. He walked into the bathroom and grabbed a new wash cloth and wet it. He brought it back into the room and wiped up the mess he made between my legs.  

"Fuck, that was cold." I said and laughed. He smiled and put the ray back in the bathroom but on the floor of the bathtub so it didn't make another mess. He walked back over to the bed and got under the covers next to me. 

“Would it upset you if I stayed a little longer?" He asked.  

"Not at all. Sleep here if you want. I am sleeping right here. I think you broke me so I am not moving." 

"So was that what you expected?" He asked rolling on his side to face me. 

"Oh it was a million times better. Best sex I have ever had. I didn't even know I was a squirter." I said and he smiled. He snaked his arm around me and pulled me up so my head was now on a pillow but even better I was cuddled up against his chest. 

"Get some sleep. I am going to wake you up to get coffee in the morning and you can hang with me for the day if you want." He said. 

“Sounds like its going to be another painful but wonderful day." I gave him a cheeky grin and he smiled back at me. 

"Goodnight" He said 

"Goodnight see you in the morning handsome." I said and saw him blush again before I fell asleep in his arms. 

~Hella Cheesy I know I am Just getting back into fanfic writing give me a break Please.~ 

[darkmaga-returns]

The current situation with the far Left is like having a dear friend who is going off the deep end into self-destruction. You want just to hug them and talk them into steering away from the insane behavior and clean up their life.

Wait, scratch that, this is nothing like that situation at all.

Remember that we’re talking about people who were bent on destroying the country, who demeaned decent, normal Americans who only want the government to leave them alone with the National Socialist slur at every turn. Anti-liberty leftists who compared our President to Hitler and Stalin combined in one package. People who went so far as to refer to him as the ‘anti-Christ’ and every other scornful word in between. So, when you see them doubling down on what made them lose in the first place, you say "bravo Dems, keep up the good work." All this is an object lesson in the difference between the two sides of the political spectrum because, for all their losses, the Left hasn’t learned anything. Beginning with the election of a vice chairman who epitomizes their contempt for basic human rights and individual liberty. 

While Braden Langley cautions everyone on this development, recall this public debate exchange that destroyed David Hogg’s gun-grabbing grift when Chinese immigrant Lily Tang Williams stepped up to ask him a question:

“Hi, my name is Lily Tang Williams. Welcome to my ‘Live Free or Die’ state. Actually, I am a Chinese immigrant who survived communism. And under Mao, 40 million people were starving to death after he sold the communism to them. And 20 million people died, murdered during his cultural revolution. So, my question to you, David, is that can you guarantee me, a gun owner tonight, our government in the US, in DC, will never, never become a tyrannical government? Can you guarantee that to me? " David Hogg, "There's no way I can ever guarantee that any government will not be tyrannical. " Lily Tang Williams, "Well, then the debate on gun control is over because I will never give up my guns. Never, never. And you should go to China to see how gun control works for the dictatorship of CCP.”

[xxselfindulgencexx]

Hello~!

My name is Toxic, and this is my self ship side blog!

I will be slowly posting all my self ship art from over the years here, unless I lost it in which case, oops.

I share all my F/Os, especially because I have a lot of them at different levels.

⚠️ Warning! This blog contains dark content and dark selfships, which can include but are not limited to:

Abuser x victim, mind control, noncon, dubcon, incest, adult x minor, grooming, violence, and masochism. If you’re not cool with that, you’re free to leave.

My F/Os and selfships

That being said here’s some ground rules!

I block very liberally, don't take it personal, don't send your friends to ask why, don't bug me about it.

Cringe art and toxic relationships are for sure ahead, so viewer discretion is advised.

I’m aroace, but my sonas represent a part of me romantically and sexually interested in certain characters, so they may not “look or act” aroace, but they are still on that spectrum because they’re a representation of me. But, they’re also ocs! So they won’t all act exactly the same.

I am anti-censorship, so this blog is a discourse free blog! I want no discourse here. I will post what I want, suck it up. If it bothers you so much, block me. That being said, this blog is a safe space for proshippers first and foremost. Respectful antis may stay but I will not be friends with you or follow you.

I also ask that minors please don’t interact with with me, as that is my own personal boundary. Liking and reblogging sfw content is okay, but please do not message me, and I better not catch you liking nsfw or suggestive content. I ask that any minors block the mdni, suggestive, and nsft tags please.

And finally, bigotry of any kind is not acceptable here. I will block anyone spewing any kind of hatred, such as homophobia, transphobia, Islamophobia, antisemitism, racism, xenophobia, etc.

Important Tags:

Art Tag: 💖 art

All Intros to my selfships: Intro Sheet

Suggestive work: suggestive

NSFW: Nsft

Darkship content: 🎱🎀

Death: 💔⚰️

Incest: 💞🎀⚽

Age gap (Minor x adult/child x teen): 🍰🧸🚩

How do the emojis work?

I do things weird I'm sorry.

The 💖 at the start equals my sonas

The next emojis usually represents the partner

For example, William is 💜🔪 because he’s the purple guy

Peeta is 🧡🍞🌅, because he likes sunset orange, and is a baker

💞 means it's a poly ship

If there is a✨ or 🚩 at the end, that means that there are two iterations of the ship

�� means wholesome or normal au

🚩 means the toxic version of the ship

For example, William Afton in a modern no death at is 💖💜🔪✨, but the closer to canon Dave Miller Au is 💖💜🔪🚩

Some ships are naturally toxic, like for example, Brat X the Vees, so you should still proceed with caution!

And finally, a coffin ⚰️ means the ship contains a canon death of one of the two main characters, or the post in question involves major character death. But, for posts containing death, I also tag it with this 💔⚰️.

[falloutbradreviews]

Winona Fighter – My Apologies To The Chef

I always tend to find a couple of bands or artists a year that hit a specific nostalgic niche that I feel like doesn’t get enough love – mid-00s Fueled By Ramen pop-punk. This is a super specific sound, but I’m referring to bands like Paramore, Fall Out Boy, and The Academy Is, who were more on the pop-rock spectrum of the genre, but they were lumped in with pop-punk. I guess it’s because they put more emphasis on pop than punk, but I swear that a resurgence of this sound is coming back, at least in spades. Last year had a couple of those albums, namely State Champs’s self-titled, but 2023 gave us the debut album from Honey Revenge, entitled Retrovision. That ended up being one of my favorites of that year, but their brand of 00s pop-rock / pop-punk was awesome. It was generic, sure, but their vocalist is top notch and their razor sharp hooks really got stuck in head for days. Two years later, I got something similar to talk about, but it’s a bit of a different end result. This time, we got the band Winona Fighter, and this Nashville crew has been buzzing for a bit, although I’ve only heard their name here and there. I always thought they were a generic emo band, but to my surprise, they’re a pop-punk band that has more in common with Fall Out Boy and Paramore than bands of today. If you guys don’t already know, I went to the school of Fueled By Ramen bands, so I listened to a lot of those bands growing up (damn near all of them, actually). Winona Fighter reminds me a mix of both Fall Out Boy and Paramore, specifically the year 2007 for both bands.

In that year, they both released Infinity On High (which was the album that really got me into music) and Riot (which is another album that formed my early tastes and I played a lot during that summer), and both bands were in a similar spot in their careers – they had just gotten some mainstream success on the album prior, but these were the albums that shot them up to stardom. Because of that, there was more emphasis on pop than punk, but since both of these bands have wonderful vocalists that can pull off pop music (and in the years since, they certainly have), they made it work quite well. The hooks are sharper on these records, and the melodies are a lot more pronounced, but the guitarwork is still prominent as well. There’s just more of an emphasis on hooks, and I think these two albums are part of the reason why I’ve always loved music with strong hooks that get stuck in your head. That’s what Winona Fighter’s debut album, Apologies To The Chef, does, and it’s a fantastically good time. This is definitely one of the best albums of the year, but there is a caveat to that, and it all depends on who you are. If you grew up during the 00s, and you love Riot, Infinity On High, or any number of other bands from that era, you’ll love this album. If you didn’t, and you just listen to this as an album at face value, I can see why it may not do much for you.

At the same time, though, the hooks, lyrics, vocals, and overall sound is really good, even putting the nostalgia aside. There’s still a lot to love here, but they do remind me a lot of a mix between Paramore and Fall Out Boy. Winona Fighter has the cheeky, punny, and clever lyricism that Fall Out Boy had back then (and still do, albeit in a different way), but they have the sound that mixes pop-punk and pop-rock that Paramore were really good at. Fall Out Boy were good at that, too, although Infinity On High was a bit of an experiment for the band, and had them moving into R&B, flamenco, and even some heavier territories (seriously, some of the guitar riffs are really heavy, but they absolutely rip), but it did have more straightforward pop-rock bangers. Riot, however, was very straightforward with being an album that teetered on pop-rock and pop-punk, but they rode that line very well. Vocalist Coco Kinnon reminds me of a mix between Hayley Williams and Patrick Stump, but the Williams comparison is definitely more pronounced. This is a strong debut, and promising of what they may do in the future. I felt the same way about the new Honey Revenge album back a couple of years ago, so it’s cool to hear another band in the vein, and this album is something special, even though they do kinda lean on the nostalgia a little too hard in spots (but I still love it, anyway, considering that I’m part of that target audience).

[rifulofthewest]

I did write my version of this analysis. So, please read it if you're interested and tell me what you think.

✨the Spectrum of Criminal Masterminds who tried to make the world a better place✨

Objects:

William James Moriarty (Moriarty the Patriot)

Light Yagami (Death Note)

Fyodor Dostoevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs).

Disclaimer: Their actions have made all 3 of them horrible individuals. This is simply an analysis of the differences in their horribleness and the various ways this archetype can be written.

Disclaimer 2: If admitting that any of them are terrible people hurts your feelings, it’s best not to read further.

Let’s Start with What They Have in Common

1. They are willing to kill people who aren’t lawbreakers if it achieves their desired result.

William: If you’ve only watched the anime, you might not know this, but the man William chose as a target for Enders (on the Noatic) wasn’t a criminal. He was just an alcoholic. Plus, there were the servants in the burned Moriarty manor. However, these were special cases, and William usually tried to stick to his ideals.

Light: No surprises here—he killed anyone he didn’t like or who got in his way. Twelve FBI agents, a former FBI agent who would’ve uncovered his secret in 10 minutes if she’d reached the police people. He was even prepared to kill his own family if they ever discovered his true identity.

Fyodor: Again, no surprises. The most notable example is when he forced a little girl to blow herself up. Beyond that, countless manipulations and murders—he’s the main antagonist for a reason.

2. The Goal - New World

William: To dismantle the British Empire’s class system, which he refers to as the new world.

Light: To rid the world of criminals—his version of a new world.

Fyodor: A new world where humans are devoid of magical abilities.

Even here, it’s apparent that William’s goal is narrower in scale {= easier} compared to the others, whose ambitions span the entire human population. But it’s also worth noting that Moriarty the Patriot lacks any magical elements to aid the character, so localizing the goal is the smartest choice.

Differences

3. Motivation

William: To ensure that people are equal under the law and talented individuals born into underprivileged families have the opportunity to achieve success and recognition.

Light: To cleanse the world of criminals because they pollute it.

Fyodor: To erase magical abilities from existence because they corrupt naive humanity.

4. Their Past

It’s worth noting that Bungou Stray Dogs is the only story that’s still ongoing, so Fyodor does not currently have a detailed backstory but might receive one in the future. (MTP part 2 is not counting; William is living a new life now)

Fyodor: Very old, very undying (that's it).

Light: Born into a family where the father is the head of the NPA (Japanese FBI). He was the top student in his school and later aced Japan’s university entrance exams with the highest score nationwide. For two consecutive years, he was the country’s junior tennis champion.

William: An orphan who lived in an abandoned library with his younger brother. (Occasionally in orphanages, from which they escaped quickly.) To survive, he read extensively and learned enough to offer people advice on the streets—both legal and illegal.

——- Let’s Pause Here to Reflect on the Previous Point.

We’ll skip Fyodor for now since there’s little information about him.

But Light. What could a child who grew up in a privileged family with his father being the head of Japan’s FBI equivalent possibly know about discrimination? Someone whose achievements were always recognized, supported, and never questioned for their legitimacy? Correct. Nothing. He's very naive when it comes to crime

I’m not saying he couldn’t have basic human empathy just because he was never the victim of discrimination (good for him), but we know he doesn’t have it.

Yagami didn’t kill his sister when she was taken hostage solely because it would have immediately confirmed him as Kira. His treatment of Misa speaks for itself as well.

5. Self-Perception (The God Complex)

Light: The most vivid example of a God Complex. He literally believed he was brilliant enough to manipulate Shinigami (death gods). He already referred to himself as a god and intended to rule as a tyrant-god over the new world, forcing everyone to live by his rules.

Fyodor: He repeatedly refers to himself as God’s servant. On one hand, this sounds extremely humble. On the other hand, how high must one’s self-esteem and sense of importance must be to consider themselves a servant of God?

William: Young William certainly had an inflated sense of self-worth. Otherwise, how do you explain a 9-year-old deciding he could change the entire Empire? But the harsh reality of a lifetime of murders catches up with him in adulthood pretty quick, and he begins to see himself as a demon unworthy of life in the new world. By the end of The Final Problem, he considers himself the worst demon on the entire planet. He plans to commit suicide because the new world would be better off without him.

6. Empathy

Light: There’s a shred of empathy in him at the beginning. It’s worth mentioning he killed a man attempting to assault a girl. But as the story progresses and he gains more power, he loses all empathy.

Fyodor: No empathy (so far, but we’ll see what happens next). It’s possible to imagine he had empathy long ago, when he was younger, and this was the moment he decided to erase all abilities. But now, I’d say if he wants abilities to stop being so harmful to humanity, he should stop trying to change the world—he’s responsible for 60-70% of all the bad things happening.

William: Brimming with empathy until the end. Most of his crimes originate from helping people in need (personally checked by a trusted person - Fred - or sometimes {very rarely} by Will himself). Yet, this doesn’t stop him from killing innocent people (though he meticulously avoids such scenarios and doesn't kills children—except for the original Will. But Liam himself was a child then so... it's more fair? Still horrendous. Truly representation of «a victim of the system who became an oppressor». Anyway, back to the point...)

7. Did Their Actions Achieve the Desired Result?

Light: Yes. The manga repeatedly emphasizes that crime rates fell (both in Japan and globally). A positive outcome.

The problem is that this was achieved through quite literally, Light’s dictatorship. It’s also important to note that he killed 80-120 people a day. He didn’t investigate whether each of them was genuinely guilty — it requires too much time —this was an outright lie on his part.

Even worse, he based all his information on the news and police databases. Both can be bought, paid for and proofs can be fabricated.

I guarantee he killed many innocent people while thinking he was killing criminals.

In the end, he’s exposed and killed. His goal of becoming the god of a crime-free new world is not achieved.

Fyodor: Hard to assess since this isn’t something the author has focused on (yet). But given how many people he’s killed, how many criminal organizations he’s created, and how many major characters he’s harmed or killed—Dostoevsky creates more problems than he solves. But he’s still in progress. We’ll see how the writer wraps it up.

William: A large part of his plan involved flooding London with as many criminals as possible so that people would live in fear and see a hero in the Lord of Crime (himself). So, yes, he created plenty of problems too.

But let’s return to his ultimate goal—dismantling the class system. That’s precisely what happened after The Final Problem. Goal achieved.

In the second part of the manga, we see William undercover, teaching children at a free school built by a priest, where they receive an education and move forward in life (Mick inherits his father’s small business).

Plus, after the “death” of the Lord of Crime, all the criminals he strategized for are left unsupported (with Louis staying to apprehend those who continue attempting violence)

8. Allies

Fyodor: As Dazai summarized in chapter 111.5, page 10, Fyodor’s weakness lies in not working with people he doesn’t trust. And he trusts no one.

He has no true allies. He manipulates, brainwashes, or threatens everyone. His goal is more important than people.

Light: Shares Fyodor’s mindset. But there’s a small difference—he also has a family actively involved in his life, whose respect and love matter to him. However, as the story progresses, he starts caring less and less about them, ultimately dismissing his father as weak and worthless.

William: Deeply cares about the opinions of his brothers and other team members around him. Yet, simultaneously, he’s willing to have and control their loyalty and their lives (which all of them gave up to him willingly). In the Remains manga, we even see him buying them pre-suicide gifts. He also ends by publicly taking all the blame upon himself, allowing others to avoid imprisonment.

Conclusion

At this point, the starkest difference emerges when comparing William and Light: one had the courage to admit his actions were horrific and that he himself was a terrible person, while the other never acknowledged his mistakes or was willing to sacrifice his own life (or even a part of it) for the so-called better world.

This doesn’t erase the horribleness, but watching a (fictional) serial killer break down under the weight of his actions is a unique kind of satisfaction (for me)

-+++-

Side Note:

Initially, after watching Moriarty the Patriot anime and reading the manga for the 1st time, I was disappointed that William survived. I went through my five stages of acceptance regarding it. (I still feel this way, but at that point, I’ve developed an emotional attachment to the character, so his survival no longer bothers me.)

I genuinely tried to stay objective in this analysis. But if you feel like William received the warmest analysis, you’re right. He deviated from his ideals the least and (so far) is the only one who successfully implemented his idea.

one more side note: Fyodor is the only one among them who isn’t the protagonist of the story.

So, another problem lies in the fact that we don’t get his true thoughts— we only read what he says. And trusting the words of a character who is supposed to be one of the most brilliant manipulators in manga isn’t the smartest decision. Hopefully, we’ll get a bit of honesty from him. Someday.

[creature-of-delerium]

Welcome!

About Me

Hi! I'm William, I also go by the name Willow and Will, use any of the above that you prefer. I will not reveal my age (except on accident if I accidentally date myself), asexual but bi-romantic and absolutely hyper fixated on the idea of love. I'm also neurodivergent (no clue where I lie on the spectrum but differently not normal) I do have ADD, and yes I do forget where I set things down. I have a deep interest in psychology and love meeting people who's brains are weird like mine!

My Interests

I have an absolute mess of interests, and they frequently change. Currently I am having a great time fixating on playing tennis, Minecraft, and acting. I am a stage performer who tends towards playing young boys or authoritarian rulers (weird, but that's theatre). I am also an aspiring blacksmith and engineer.

As far as Tv shows and other media, I am in love with all of Vivziepop's creations and absolutely adore hand drawn animation, especially when it is done by people with passion. I also like audio dramas such as Hannapocalypse, The Road of Shadows, and Midnight Burger.

My Projects and Posts

Currently I am leading work on an independently developed game called "Morti's Quest for Individuality" which is about an anthropomorphized mushroom that is separated from its colony and then has to learn what it means to exist as a singular entity. Along his journey he ends up creating his own colony which will lead to a final plot point. (Secret). It will be a two dimensional game that heavily features pixel art and dramatic story telling. If you are interested I may occasionally post art updates and (hopefully) a link to the beta at some point!

Additionally I am working on developing a TTRPG called "Hearthside Havoc" which is an adventuring game where you are always a commoner and never level up. The gimmick of the system is that death is always a real possibility and that the only way you improve is by acquiring better gear. Once I get it to the point it can be tested I may try to generate interest by posting about it here.

Finally, most of my posts will probably be reblogs of stuff I like or support, and occasionally random thoughts

Project Socials

For those interested, as my projects develop more of an identity I will link their specific pages here.

@your-stupid-face-the-book - This is the project page for my teen romance drama. It's about as cliche as it gets, but it does have a lot of queer representation

@signed-in-blood-the-book - This is the project page for my teen horror setting which revolves around Goetian magic (although the actual rituals are altered because God knows one of you would try summoning a demon). This one has several QPRs, several heteronormative relationships, and general queer representation. (We got Ace, Aro, and Aroace so tune in for some good representation!)

[bizlybebo]

HELOO MUTUAL :-) have I asked for your fave Dakota Cole hc ever, <- bad memorer if so, whats ur fave dakoka duo :3

HIIII !!!! i think my favorite headcanon for dakota, at least off the top of my head, is him having autism. simply just because of how strongly he presents those traits in canon and how they're portrayed as obvious struggles for him but not actively demonized.

((however honorable mentions are hcs of him being trans, him and william hitting the ground at the same time pre-canon (stares at rowan), and honestly like 90% of what i've come up with abt his and katori's friendship))

AND my favorite dakota duo is. so fucking predictable. it's ashe and dakota. either them or dakota and mark because they're so interesting. honestly i love that trio in general because of how mark and dakota are on two different ends of the moral spectrum when it comes to everything, but they both care about ashe so much. unstoppable force, immovable object, and the emo tgirl in the middle. i need to put them all in a box and shake them !!!!

[alivehouse]

(While sending this ask I've accidentally found out what cool wallpapers (literally) you have on your desktop blog theme.)

Well, good day, my dearest horror podcast Virgil,

I, surprisingly to myself, actually finished "I am in Eskew" and enjoyed it quite a bit (which, I guess, could have been deduced by how much I spammed in the tag) even more surprisingly, considering I'm absolutely not a horror person - I substitute horror movies with their wikipedia retellings. Unironically.

Anyway, firstly, thank you! I definitely would have never discovered it without your recommendations!

Secondly, maybe you have something else like that stashed up your sleeve? I definitely need some time to recuperate, but I would like to explore more cool podcasts. (The only two limitations: short-ish - not much longer than this one, the view of a hundred+ episodes scares me; not gorier than this one/no actual jump scares - again, I'm a scardicat.) I remember you talking about "Mabel Podcast" and at the first glance it seems neat, but I'd like to hear your comments on it first.

Thanks in advance. :)

(thank you! its a william morris thing i edited a little lol) glad you liked eskew! its been fun seeing your thoughts on it popping up in the tag, not spammy at all.

i do want to mention that the creator of eskew also has another podcast called The Silt Verses, personally i havent listened to it for weird brain reasons so not sure how well it fits your criteria but ive heard its also very good

mabel podcast is another favorite! the creators of mabel and the creator of i am in eskew were both inspired by shirley jackson's the haunting of hill house to an extent iirc, so even though the stories are very different some elements of them have a similar 'feel' to them imo. i will say that mabel is very different stylistically though (especially the earlier episodes) which in my experience people seem to either love or hate. whereas in eskew you get a pretty continuous narration from david or riyo, in mabel youre mostly listening in on a series of somewhat disjointed voicemail messages. id definitely recommend at least giving the first few episodes a go, dont get discouraged if you dont feel like you dont understand whats happening right away. all you really need to know about the story going in is that youre following Anna, whos a live-in carer for an old woman named Sally. Anna is trying to contact Sallys next of kin (the titular Mabel), but shes strangely out of reach.

ok i know you said youre not a huge horror person but if you ever are feeling a little more daring id suggest trying out The White Vault. theres a small amount of gore (descriptions of finding hearts and teeth) and some uh. wet ripping sounds in it but its really not that bad all things considered, just know that it is straight horror though. its a found footage podcast that follows a group of people whove been hired to check out a remote outpost in northern norway thats gone dead, but a storm leaves them stranded there, and as time goes on it becomes clear that they arent exactly alone. this ones a little longer i think, but tbh ive only listened to the first two seasons, it felt like a natural place for the story to end to me

and then on the complete opposite side of the spooky podcast spectrum, if you want something thats a ghost story but really not horror at all imo, i just finished listening to Midnight Radio a few weeks back. this ones *really* short, like 10 episodes that are ~20 minutes each short, so its definitely lower commitment. in this one youre listening in on a radio show hosted by Sibyl, who died decades earlier but can still be heard waxing poetic about her hometown in the dead of night.

ok LAST ONE havent finished it so wasnt sure if i should rec it but a lot of people on my dash hype up Archive 81 so i thought id mention it at least. guy is hired to listen through a bunch of creepy tapes in some archive out in the middle of no where. classic horror podcast stuff. similar to eskew in that it pivots from mostly being mostly anthology into an overarching plot as you go on

[einshi]

can you share some of your thoughts on kogami and makishima?

help me

for that i'd have to also out my other ships sugimoto/ogata and sherlock/william, which also fall somewhere in the spectrum of psychosexual obsession.

i've written both makishima and kogami and based solely on the canon material it's undeniable that they are two sides of the same coin, perhaps made of the same stuff and you can't take one out of the map without ripping a fundamental part out of the other, their characters are complementary to each other and i think that if it weren't for their opposing roles they might've become "closer" as any rivals would be in a conventional world, but they are two unconventional minds in an unconventional setting so it was bound to end in death or mutual destruction for them. they're so alike and so different at the same time that for every trait that draws kogami towards makishima there's another opposing one that repels him. how scary it must be that there is someone who you have not yet seen in person and only through photographs, through conversations, through myths, someone who might as well not exist and yet he knows everything about you and only you seem to understand the inner machinations of his mind even though you've never met? it's like chasing a ghost that's already possessed you, an apparition luring you deep in the abyss. i think that's what's charming about them tbh, the mutual obsession.

[snailfriend777]

To quote a good friend of mine, Stuff Can Be Two Things.

I think part of media analysis is approaching it from different angles. Looking at something from a serious vs a silly standpoint can give very different interpretations of the work as a whole, and combining the two helps one appreciate it on a different level than sticking solely to one or the other.

I very much agree with your view on intention, too: as an artist and also someone who's taken their fair share of English courses over the years, I've found there's an expectation to analyse an author's intention - to tear a work apart and come out the other end with an understanding of the artist's psyche. But so many great paintings, poems, novels, etc, were created without intention.

Of course there's a message to every artwork, and many works were created with intention (said with a vague gesture at the entire minimalist movement, and many others) but as an artist I can say that my process, and the process of many other artists who I've talked to, is backwards: the creation comes first, and the decoding afterwards. It is only in hindsight that we can really see why we moved forward the way we did. In the moment we're too busy thinking about creation to worry about analysis, and by the time it's done our view of the past is already sullied by the fact that we are no longer in it.

It irritates me to no end when - especially in poetry - a simple poem gets torn apart. Sometimes a work requires being taken at face value. You could certainly deconstruct, for example, William Blake's The Fly and how the fly is a metaphor for xyz, but I can guarantee you that Blake didn't write it while thinking about much of anything apart from the insect itself.

I have nothing against analysis though - I've certainly done my share of it. My resentment lies in the knee-jerk reaction of some academics to analyse without appreciating the work at face value first.

There's something to be said for collective analysis as well - in fandoms on tumblr in particular. I love seeing groups coming together, exchanging ideas, and building on an idea together. Of course there's always people who gatekeep, or who miss the point entirely, but I've found that a good number of fandoms (Magnus of course comes to mind, as does Good Omens) are quite open to newcomers and the ideas that they bring to the table. In letting everyone speak their turn, it becomes a larger collective web of understanding, rather than one person tunneling straight down in a narrow understanding of a work.

I think blorbofication can (and should!) coexist with a deep understanding of the content, in the same way we can write our essays and shitposts at the same time. But I do agree that reducing a character to blorbo status without understanding that they are a deeply troubled and layered individual first can be problematic.

All this to say, analysis is a spectrum and fluidity within it is a valuable asset when breaking down media. Also stop asking authors/artists what our intention was in coming up with an idea 90% of the time we have to bullshit an answer because we don't remember and/or didn't consciously have an intention while creating the work in question.

What’s your opinion on the contrast between “silly” and “serious” spaces? Do you think people can have very serious interpretations about a genuine piece of media and also be goofy about it? I’m asking this particularly because I’ve seen people in the Magnus podcast fandoms fight about people “misinterpreting” characters you, Alex, and the many other authors have written. Are you okay with the blorbofication or do you really wish the media you’ve written would be “taken seriously” 100% of the time?

And follow up question, what do you think about the whole “it’s up to the reader (or in some cases, listener) to make their own conclusions and interpretations and that does not make them wrong”, versus the “it was written this way because the author intended it this way, and we should respect that” argument?

This is a question I've given a lot of thought over the years, to the point where I don't know how much I can respond without it becoming a literal essay. But I'll try.

My main principle for this stuff boils roughly down to: "The only incorrect way to respond to art is to try and police the responses of others." Art is an intensely subjective, personal thing, and I think a lot of online spaces that engage with media are somewhat antithetical to what is, to me, a key part of it, which is sitting alone with your response to a story, a character, a scene or an image and allowing yourself to explore it's effect on you. To feel your feelings and think about them in relation to the text.

Now, this is not to say that jokes and goofiness about a piece of art aren't fucking great. I love to watch The Thing and drink in the vibes or arctic desolation and paranoia, or think about the picture it paints of masculinity as a sublimely lonely thing where the most terrible threat is that of an imposed, alien intimacy. And that actually makes me laugh even more the jokey shitpost "Do you think the guys in The Thing ever explored each other's bodies? Yeah but watch out". Silly and serious don't have to be in opposition, and I often find the best jokes about a piece of media come from those who have really engaged with it.

And in terms of interpreting characters? Interpreting and responding to fictional characters is one of the key functions of stories. They're not real people, there is no objective truth to who they are or what they do or why they do it. They are artificial constructs and the life they are given is given by you, the reader/listener/viewer, etc. Your interpetation of them can't be wrong, because your interpretation of them is all that there is, they have no existence outside of that.

And obviously your interpretation will be different to other people's, because your brain, your life, your associations - the building blocks from which the voices you hear on a podcast become realised people in your mind - are entirely your own. Thus you cannot say anyone else's is wrong. You can say "That's not how it came across to me" or "I have a very different reading of that character", but that's it. I suppose if someone is fundamentally missing something (like saying "x character would never use violence" when x character strangles a man to death in chapter 4) you could say "I think that's a significant misreading of the text", but that's only to be reserved for if you have the evidence to back it up and are feeling really savage.

I think this is one of the things that saddens me a bit about some aspects of fandom culture - it has a tendency to police or standardise responses or interpretations, turning them from personal experiences to be explored into public takes to be argued over. It also has the occasional moralistic strain, and if there's one thing I wish I could carve in stone on every fan space it's that Your Responses to a Piece of Art Carry No Intrinsic Moral Weight.

As for authorial intention, that's a simpler one: who gives a shit? Even the author doesn't know their own intentions half the time. There is intentionality there, of course, but often it's a chaotic and shifting mix of theme and story and character which rarely sticks in the mind in the exact form it had during writing. If you ask me what my intention was in a scene from five years ago, I'll give you an answer, but it will be my own current interpretation of a half-remembered thing, altered and warped by my own changing relationship to the work and five years of consideration and change within myself. Or I might not remember at all and just have a guess. And I'm a best case scenario because I'm still alive. Thinking about a writers possible or stated intentions is interesting and can often lead to some compelling discussion or examination, but to try and hold it up as any sort of "truth" is, to my mind, deeply misguided.

Authorial statements can provide interesting context to a work, or suggest possible readings, but they have no actual transformative effect on the text. If an author says of a book that they always imagined y character being black, despite it never being mentioned in the text, that's interesting - what happens if we read that character as black? How does it change our responses to the that character actions and position? How does it affect the wider themes and story? It doesn't, however, actually make y character black because in the text itself their race remains nonspecific. The author lost the ability to make that change the moment it was published. It's not solely theirs anymore.

So yeah, that was a fuckin essay. In conclusion, serious and silly are both good, but serious does not mean yelling at other people about "misinterpretations", it means sitting with your personal explorations of a piece of art. All interpretations are valid unless they've legitimately missed a major part of the text (and even then they're still valid interpretations of whatever incomplete or odd version of the text exists inside that person's brain). Authorial intent is interesting to think about but ultimately unknowable, untrustworthy and certainly not a source of truth. Phew.

Oh, and blorbofication is fine, though it does to my mind sometimes pair with a certain shallowness to one's exploration of the work in question.

[bqstqnbruin]

romance/romantasy bc im a basic bitch. pls give me recs 😭😭

Since it is Black History Month I've been trying to read books only by black authors so these have been my favorites so far:

Seven Days in June by Tia Williams - I would have given this 5 stars but my only issue is that they fall in love in 7 days which took me out of the story. If that doesn't bug you, then would recommend

Legendborn and Bloodmarked by Tracy Deonn - the first two books in a trilogy that isn't set to be completed until 2025, but it follows Bree Matthews as she encounters the decendants of King Arthurs Knights of the Round table while trying to learn more about what happened with her mom's death (tw for racism the adults in this book make me want to scream)

The Romantic Agenda by Claire Kann - Joy is in love with her best friend Malcolm, Malcolm is in love with this girl named Summer, Summer wants to set up Joy with her friend Fox. Joy and Malcolm are both on the asexual spectrum giving two different types of representation with each character

Stars in Your Eyes by Kacen Callender - I have already read this book twice since it was published in October and I cried both times. Logan Gray and Mattie Cole are forced together in a movie about two authors who have to work together to write a book and are told they need to date because of Logan's bad reputation ruining the movie. Check the tw warnings because there's a lot: sexual assault, rape, racism, homophobia, drug use and abuse, mentions of suicide, and more that I'm forgetting I think.