#my time blindness is just so fucking bad
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triglycercule · 3 months ago
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in a just kidding kinda mood. canon nightmare is so serious and then i made her. she's a total dweeb she thinks that she's allat just because she ate a black (rotten) apple once and it was so bad she thinks she she's a goopy monster. that's not actually how she got to this (she got bullied in elementary school and wants to express her true self now in high school) but the black apple was involved (she ate a rotten apple and it was so bad she remembered her embarrassing elementary school fantasy and realized she liked it).
she's totally goth but she doesn't realize it (and i CANNOT be bothered to draw a goth esque outfit combined with the jk uniform). the book club is her headquarters and whoever joins the club becomes part of her gang (friends! because she's terrible at socializing and this is a way of being more outgoing) and then they have to do usual stuff goons do like helping nightmare study for tests (so she can further her insatiable quest for knowledge) and going to the mall with her (carrying her bags obviously. a queen cant be seen with shopping bags.) her goons MUST call her lady night or else she'll get upset. god jk!nightmare you're such a goddamn loser how many more dumb ideas can i come with for you
comments from..... oeople??? here's dream. they're on good terms because i hate dreamtale angst and i want them to be happy and healthy siblings. nightmare also uses her gang to moniter dream and make sure she's not getting in trouble. but then she also gets to play villian with dream where dream is the damsel in distress. or the hero. depends!
"well, one day nighty just came downstairs for breakfast dressed like... that. she spoke in a different way and acted different and especially looked different. needless to say, the family and i were confused."
"but, after she explained it, it actually made a surprising amount of sense despite the... change. nighty used to get bullied back in our old elementary school, and she claims that now that we're in high school, she wants to "embrace the true self that's been whispering pleas of freedom". er... whatever that means."
"of course i support it, she's my sister and all! i'd even say this persona of nightmare's is much funnier to interact with, and she's even made some friends thanks to her new self of the sort. honestly, as her sister? i couldn't be more happy to see nightmare thriving compared to before."
"but my only concern... is her makeup safe for long-term use?"
all of the mtt (most of the school actually) did NOT fall for the little act nightmare's putting up. even killer. no matter how brainrotted she is from the internet even she wouldn't fall for that. nightmare invited them to the gang (club) and both killer and dust were on board to join. because killer found her funny and dust likes books. and then horror was dragged along because of course she was. live laugh love jk!mtt
"nightmare?? oh, you mean lady night! yeah, i know her. pretty well, in fact~ she's appointed me as her right hand woman, which means i get to do all sorts of cool things, like coming up with literature recommendations and organizing when the gang meets up! she's pretty cool, y'know? i just gotta make sure to stop laughing whenever she calls me a "goon", hehe..."
"nightmare's nice. she likes reading, i like reading, so obviously i had to join the gang. she likes more fantasy style stuff, but i prefer sci-fi. not that big of a deal though, considering we read a variety of books in the clu- i mean, her "gang". sorry. don't tell her i said that, or else i'll be sent on a "mission" to "battle her homework" or whatever."
"oh, "lady night", "queen of negativity"... she's hilarious. it's so funny seeing her act like she has magical powers and all the yada yada about "the black apple" and "multiversal conquering". i mean, not many people in the school really believe her little schtick she's got going on, but most humor her. 'sides, she's a genuinely good person under all that makeup and acting anyways, so i like her. all i wanna know is, why does she keep her shoelaces untied?"
this idea is SO DUMB IM DYING. feared multiversal terror turned into a high school girl with the worlds most EMBARRASSING delusion. what universe are we in (the jk!universe dummy!). anyways dream design in the works (i already have the design done just need to color it!) and then quite possibly more aus will be jk-fied. ink may possibly be the first sans to NOT wear a skirt. who know,,,,s,,,,,,
#SHES SUCH A FUCKING LOSER MY GIRLFAIL#girlfailure nightmare is real and this is what she looks like#i felt SO clever coming up with the tentacle shawl thing#that's a blazer she's got going on too btw#mama joku saw nightmare with the fishnets and was like nonono wear shorts. and begrudgingly she did#nightmare's gang but they really just read books and fuck around and hang out after school#the mtt are all fully aware that nightmare's just putting up a facade but they play along because theyre friends#dream design upcoming soon too btw. because i mentioned her now and i have to make her#she still has both eyes except she just covers up one. you can imagine how nightmare walks around half blind now#i didnt even intend on her coming out like this i was just like. how can i make her NOT have the right eye so itll work with corrupted form#and then i gave her an eye patch and it didnt make sense until i reached the legs and was like#what do i put here??? lace??? and then i realized fishnets. the eyepatch. CORRUPTED form.#canon nightmare was BEGGING to become a chuunibyou in an alternate universe i tell you#she's such a loser i cant stop giggling at this. she's so pathetic someone help her#multiversal domination but in the process she has to finish her homework and study for tests. its a wip for lady night#nightmare oldest sister that acts like a middle schooler while dream younger sister is the valedictorian. what a contrast#nightmare sans#dream sans#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#bad sans gang#nightmare's gang#utmv#utmv au#sans au#tricule art#jk fashion au
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milkweedman · 2 months ago
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Made another spindle. It's very small. Also very irregular and lumpy due to the wood (I wanted the raised brown lines to stay and erred on the side of caution in how much I cut away...but that did lead to a very irregular spindle).
It also wanted to crumble as I carved, so pretty much all the fine tuning I just did by sanding it, which helps to compress the fibers down as well as remove material without crumbling or splintering.
It really came to life when I oiled it. Probably will be best after a few good coats and some time. My woodburning kit seems to be totally gone, which is a bummer. So I'm not woodburning anymore.
Spins well. Obviously being so tiny and light it was always going to be a fine spinning spindle, but effortless thread from an unprepped piece of fleece is pretty indicative as well. I seem to find myself carving mostly thread spindles at the moment. They're always so small and light in the hand, they remind me of holding baby birds.
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swiftfootedachilles · 5 months ago
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im just gonna be honest gang obviously its gonna be easy for you to say youre in love with a character and theyre an angel when anytime they do something you don't like you brush it off as out of character
#bad writing is still canon unfortunately#the place where i absolutely draw the line is gallavich being verse don't fucking piss me off @shameless writers#unfortunately your fav characters did do and say those bad things..... and to ignore that is too fundamentally misunderstand their character#how can you love a person when you choose to be blind to who they are </3#this isn't directed toward anybody y'all are just being very dramatic lately and really i think we should remember that tv shows aren't real#i can recognize when someone is caused by bad writing but i still have to accept that it's a real thing that happened#like. do i find shameless entertaining? YES! is it well written? FUCK NO#it's actually fundamentally a bad show in many ways. but that's WHY i enjoy discussing it#it's why my hyperfixation hasn't died down. because theres just SO MUCH to pick apart and interpret and discuss!#it's actually so bad at times i blocked it out of my memory!#but if i believe something isn't canon or *shouldn't be canon* (HUGE difference between those 2 things)#then i should explain why i think that. and i also need to accept that others disagree#but if you say everything you don't like is just ooc bad writing and therefore not real to canon then#....lol what are you even doing here#like. we should be rallying against the writers for being actively racist homophobic transphobic fatphobic ableist etc#yet we're sitting here with our thumbs up our asses fighting about which character fanclub is the most oppressed#WHO CARESSSSS JOHN WELLS DOESN'T CARE ABOUT US IT TRULY ISN'T WORTH WASTING YOUR BREATH OVER#i just want to read about 2 toxic kinky boys kissing idk#let me say this tho! hardcore fiona stans you gotta be the most out of touch people on planet earth!#okay goodnight everypony#wall of text in the tags#a.txt
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wickmitz · 3 months ago
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was once again glancing at the lackadaisy reddit and i genuinely feel a little crazy about how people perceive the wick and mitzi arc from retinue to sneakthief? or, honestly, their arc in general. to act as though wick is some patron saint greatly amuses me when it’s implied by mitzi and the comic that wick had either proposed a business deal himself or had been very amendable to talk about it after their kiss and / or other intimate acts last night … mitzi didn’t pull this out of her ass! she did not put this upon wick randomly. it was something they mutually agreed to do, and given how hard wick tries to wiggle away from the conversation without outright saying no ( aka giving excuses to stall ) i would even guess he essentially already agreed to such a deal, in the throes of passion, only for him to not fully mean it later. this doesn’t mean it was right at all for her to then steal from wick! this isn’t me excusing that! but wick isn’t some poor meow meow either in this scenario, even if he is the ‘lesser’ evil overall.
and tbh i also think the conversation was doomed from the start : wick was horrifically exhausted and was still too shaken up by rocky’s ‘joke’ to fully engage with mitzi, as well as finally having church’s warning start to weigh on him … and then there’s mitzi, who wasn’t faring any better! what with viktor out of commission, asa turning on her, mordecai threatening her, and then having spent most of the afternoon hearing her dead husband’s name be thrown around. in order to hurt her and scare her into obedience, mind you. like, neither were in any state to discuss business or romance!! so it’s no surprise it went poorly. especially when both of them were equally sore and testy during their date.
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skeletalheartattack · 2 years ago
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im showing my friend clanker the awesome six eggs and single ice key i found today
#happy easter clanker#for the past three days ive just been playing banjo kazooie for fun#ended originally with a time of 8:22:12#but that changed when i wanted to try getting the stop n swop stuff for the first time on my copy of banjo#so the final time is 9:32:33#i forgot how much i disliked rusty bucket bay. good lord that engine room and stinky bad water#every other level was fine. though i got so confused at first as to what jiggy i was missing in click clock woods#it was just the one on the branch at the very top of the tree. i wouldve never found it had i not looked it up#notes and honeycombs though? did those purely from memory#jiggies too i guess minus the single 1 out of 100#which i think is better than what i was hoping to achieve playing without a guide#i didnt get all mumbo tokens though. i DID get the ones you could easily lose if done wrong though.#i need 7 more mumbo tokens basically to reach 100%#i was also very tempted to 100% gruntys furnace fun (i.e. all squares) but. at a point i was like ''hm. no lets not''#maybe someday. just not then.#i managed to blind guess a lot of grunty questions though#only talked to her sister like. once. and i didnt get any of those questions on the quiz#oh yknow whats fucked up? that one shortcut between rusty bucket bay and mad monster mansions puzzle#you cant break the gate for it if you raise the water level too high#also it took me until today to learn that CheatO's cheats are upgrades and not... cheats#fucked up. but i didnt have too much problems without it. <- he died to grunty once only cause he got knocked off the tower#anyway sorry for the strange photo quality. played on my n64 on an old crt ive had. and i only have a lamp on in my room.#its not as dark as it looks in the image atleast#i also learned that banjo kazooie has way more cheats than i ever knew about#before collecting all the stop n swop stuff. i gave myself the infinite air underwater cheat cause. god.#its so nice to swim around with any anxiety. mostly just used it to swim with clanker for a bit. :).#didnt need it for any other reasons. i done collected everything else girlies#though kid me used a lot of cheat codes in tooie. only because i had a magazine that had all the codes#i 100%'d that one a few years ago i think. jiggies atleast. i think.#anyway. :) clanker
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pigeon-ponders · 7 months ago
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this is a long story but listen to me. i bought outer wilds a couple of weeks ago when it was on sale. last weekend i was bored and wanting to play a new game but i knew it would be bad for me if i did because i would obsess over it -- i would spend most of the day playing a cool new game and not do college work -- and that is bad because my finals are next week and i need to study!
anyways i did start outer wilds last weekend. yeah i did spend the next days playing the game and not doing school work. but i finished it today and oh my god. oh my god. oh my god!! it was so beautiful!!! so meaningful!!! and i can never experience it again!! the wonder!! the awe!! the curiosity!! i'm so emotional just thinking about it. i'm sad that i finished the game and the story ended but now i can be a normal functioning college student and study for my final.
i learned the game has a dlc today, too, but i CANNOT play it until my finals are over. i have to pass this exam. i love you so much outer wilds but it will have to wait until next week.
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lesbianwyllravengard · 11 months ago
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Jesus fucking christ I hate the US south
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bibleofficial · 4 days ago
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my neighbour below me got ‘locked out’ of his flat (the literal door handle broke lol) & he rang my buzzer & asked if i had a screwdriver so i went down there & was like omg hello owo here’s ur driver & i met him for the first time & he is indeed a boy 😭😭 so i was helping him by providing moral support i.e. offering to help him cut the door down as i’ve a saw, & then i remembered alllllllll the fuckin chicken wire i’ve left over from trying to make gloria a lid & we managed to make little hooks & fish out parts but it turns out the turning mechanism is what broke not the bolt so we just had to. turn the lil washer in front 😭😭😭
#stream#he was out there for like 2hrs total & i went there like after 30 mins 😭😭😭😭#ALSKALKSLAKSKKSLS he’s so fucking funny i was looking in his room like WHAT U HAVE A CHANDELIER ??? UR DRAPES ACTUALLY WORK ????? AND UR#BLINDS ???? 😭😭😭😭 ALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKS#but to be fair he had black mould so bad that it literally. ate his wall & they had to remove the whole internal wall ALSKALKSALKSLKSALALALA#BUT HE DOESNT HAVE A WINDOW IN HIS BATHROOM SO. HE GETS ANY PRIVACY AT ALL.#there are 3 ‘rooms’ in my house the main portion that’s the bedroom then there’s a door to the kitchen & then on the other side of the#kitchen is a door to the bathroom#there’s 2 windows in the bedroom 1 on each half & then there’s a window in the kitchen that looks directly at the bathroom door & then in#the bathroom there’s another window that looks into the bathroom ALSKALSKLAKALASLAKSLAKSLA#like 😭😭😭😭#I LITERALLY HAVE NO PRIVACY THERES A REASON I HAD TO MAKE THE ROOM DIVIDER OTHER THAN TO SPLIT A BEDROOM#it’s so funny to me but still i love the amount of light that the flat gets#it’s very nice i mean yea the sun goes down at 4.30 but for all the time it’s out im getting solid sunlight in here it’s lovely#‘house’ my glorified studio#idk i don’t like the word ‘home’ for a domicile#like it’s not ‘home’. i’m not home. home is texas lol#take me back to the SWAMP#i still think abt a few months ago when the shitty uni halls were pressure washing everything bc My Birds shit EVERYWHERE & it felt like#mould & dirt#smelled like#& wet & earthy & just omg i was soooo happy it smelled sooo NICE i loved it it was just like being home#it made me so happy
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bootyful-seventeen · 4 months ago
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Okay maybe it’s my frontal lobe developing on speed run rn but a lot of English speaking subbed anime fans are saying some ableist ass shit when talking about how much they hate dubbed anime
#cuz every time I see a dub clip on insta many of the first comments I see are about how it sucks and Japanese is better#and this usually gets followed by ‘you need to go back to kindergarten to learn how to read’ like excuse me????#many of us can read just fine but watching subbed anime can be difficult#so just fuck the blind weebs huh? fuck the blind weebs? fuck the weebs with bad vision. fuck the dyslexic weebs#and just fuck the weebs who can’t even fucking see the subtitles because so much anime that’s popular had a lot of white/bright colours#and half the time these subs don’t have a thick enough boarder to stop the words from getting blurred#and that’s just the people with vision issues and dyslexia. some people just like to watch things in a language they understand#some people got attention issues and will watch anime while doing something else at the same time#sometimes I’ll even see some drop the r slur like damn bro#like fuck off and let my blind ass enjoy anime in peace cuz dub fans never act like this#we used to be a proper society that used yellow subtitles and now we have these fuck ass white ones#like how do you expect me to watch my happy marriage or mha subbed when I can’t even see the subs that pop up in h the dub????#cuz after an episode or two of subs my eyes and head start to hurt but this only happens with the white subs#give me yellow coloured subs and I can see so easily and have a swell time watching sub#cuz rn I’m in the middle of watching demon prince enma on tubi and I’m having a swell time having such visible subtitles#and honestly they should bring yellow subs back or add that sexy semi transparent grey box to put the subs in#cuz I don’t only have a hard time seeing subs for anime. I have a hard time with kdramas too#so I barely watch the popular ones that people recommend which are mostly in a current timeline#I can only see subs in these dramas when it’s for a historic drama and that’s cuz they’re very colourful compared to ones set in workplace
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puppyeared · 11 months ago
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if you're walking at 5mph, but your feet are on sideways, and the sky turns green at 2:53, and Keanu Reeves has been sent to Neptune, what's your favorite video game
i cant walk 5mph in the first place, im only 5'4 and i have to walk like marvin the fucking martian everywhere i go
if my feet were on sideways i would still manage to get my shoes on wrong because i cant tell my left from my right
if the sky turns green that means every single car on the road is allowed to go at the same time
keanu reeves cant be sent to neptune with an expired passport
my favorite videogame MIGHT be professor layton and the diabolical box just because ive never been able to get over the ending, but mario galaxy and deltarune also come to mind
#this was very fun to answer thank u :o) ive always loved multiple choice questions#maybe if i had more multiple choice in my life id be able to get things done faster just closing my eyes and hoping for the best#its amazing that i dont own a magic eight ball. it would do wonders for my natural indecision and superstition#also to be fair ive only played the first two layton games even though i have the 3rd and 4th games on my cracked cartridge#BUT thats because my copy of unwound future is ass and it freezes on the opening cutscene so i cant even play it. sigh#maybe i should consider getting the mobile remastered versions but im lazy and i dont even know if i have enough storage space#there should be enough space on my ipad though so maybe. or ill back up some files to make room idk#i would have also answered undertale bc i had a huge undertale phase when it came out but im gonna be honest. ive never actually played it#im actually wondering if i should buy a copy for myself for xmas using grays steam account#the only thing im worried about is my motor skills are bad with keyboard and im dreading the asgore fight bc i heard its hard#but ive also never watched a full playthru so i feel like id be going into the game blind which sounds exciting. and ill prbably cry a lot#besides that ive been replaying mario galaxy with gray and i forgot how good the game is.. i love the ambience and game mechanics#although the races are so nerve wracking and i hate the controls sometimes. did u know i died on loopdeloop galaxy TWELVE FUCKING TIMES#also deltarune because i love EVERYTHING abt it i love the lore i love SUSIE i love the whole thing kris has going on#yapping#ask
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savetheghost · 6 months ago
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wanna be put in a room with craft stuff for 10 years
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sea-buns · 7 months ago
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One of the people on chilled's team is one of the top mc event players (places an average of 1st in a very similar event) and a lot of people are ranking the team higher bc of him (he is also new to this event though so people are not placing the team as high as they would otherwise)
Right and I get that. And granted idk how good Oli and Kara typically do, or how much one players point count can affect the entire team's placement.
But I mean. This is Chilledchaos we're talking about. Team TIES consists of people who play minecraft for a living.
I don't know if you've heard, but Chilled said yes to participating in this event despite not even knowing what type of competition it is. He has absolutely no clue what happens in MCC. I watched this man ask chat what the second C stood for. I watched him look at his calendar live on stream and put his hands on his head in distress as he goes "It's in eight days?!"
So yeah y'know I wonder if it can really make enough of a difference that they breach last place. Red can do okay point wise but it means nothing if the other teams do even slightly better cuz all 4 of them know how to play the game.
Like I said, we are in for a fun time not a winning time lmao
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hella1975 · 1 year ago
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so it turns out it was actually never that serious
#the exam literally went fine what the fuck just happened i feel like i just hallucinated that#like im not one of those people that go 'omg i did soooo badly :(' just to come out with top grades if i say it's going to shit#then it's becuase i genuinely wholeheartedly believe it#and my headspace before this exam was the worst it's been in MONTHS like i havent felt that bad for an exam since first year#and i sat down opened the paper and. remembered everything. like i literally just Knew the answers#im not saying ive passed bc am i fuck about to jinx it and i was still riding mainly blind bc i have NO idea where that knowledge came from#but at the very least there was a 35 marker that i KNOW i aced like i could picture the exact lecture slides it wanted me to discuss#and i had all of them memorised so at the very least ive got like. 30 marks. which is enough for me to pass the module#bc this exam is only weighted 75% and with my marks from the other 25% i only needed like 20 marks to pass this exam#which... makes it even more embarrassing that i failed it the first time but whatever!!!!#oh my god im so glad that's done im so happy IM FREE#just been in the kitchen dancing around to my little tunes and texting my friends <3#im meeting up with one of them when she gets off work at 5 and we're going for drinks#so ive got until then to nap and chill and then ill go to the shop and get us some food and wine#and she's gonna come here for a bit & then we'll go. like actually look at me. im having people over at MY HOUSE im going out to buy us WIN#im literally a functioning adult living independently who IS she a misty memory#alas i do only have £23 in my account so this is gonna be such a slay seeing how i make that stretch for a night out#i acc could budget for england when it comes to alcohol i think like the way i manage to have a good funky time with MINIMAL funds#is downright impressive. it's a skill idc what you say#hella goes to uni
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starlooove · 1 month ago
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I alluded to this in tags awhile ago but like. IK continuity doesn’t work this way and when things shifted from kooky and silly 40s stuff with psas scattered to like dark brooding whatever we’re supposed to take it as like either time passing with some hand waving to personalities or ‘it was always like this for them trust’ but thinking about dick specifically going from holy galloping grasshoppers Batman to dealing with Bruce in spyral and shit is so so so sad I can’t articulate it well rn but like everyone kinda agrees the shift happened after two face and jason but like no dick saw it all he saw it while it happened he saw Bruce taking tim to baseball games and then gaslighting him at 16 he saw the man who’d take care of a random baby on the fly threaten to send his youngest son back to the league he saw the man who helped usher in a new era of young heroes treat Steph like shit he saw the man who inspired hope for a future in civilians heroes and enemies alike take advantage of cass’ suicidal thoughts and separation from her own humanity he saw everything and he just has to. Deal. To everyone else this is just Bruce and ppl like Tim and cass justify it to an extent bc they love him and get exasperated and when Dick is angry but how couldn’t Dick be angry? That’s his dad and he’s being so fucking mean and idk I’m rambling
#i promise this is better thought out on the daily Im so so tired rn autocorrect is saving me#and It’s like the lighthearted era of the 40s smacking someone across the face into shit like throwing him into Jason’s memorial#like It’s not even whiplash bc it’s always happened it’s just. aaruhdsjak#and this is why I hate the entire thing where Bruce does nothing and it’s ALL terrible writing like#they had Superman doing corporal punishment bro idk#and not saying that’s good or necessary today I’m just saying unfortunately for Bruce Stans literally everyone is shaped by his behavior#It’s why they’re so fucked to eachother too#like the reason perfect dad bruce who’s only issue is miscommunication is annoying bc u#sets up every following issue tk ve of the same vein#he and Jason DONT have genuine morality clashes that usually end up violent and beLetha#near lethal bc they’re both secure in their own righteousness#It’s ‘they need to talk and Jason needs to call alfie and gl#go to Sunday brunch and Bruce needs to be okay with killing the really really bad ppl :(‘#like no bro sorry they’re not as wishy washy as u 🙄#that’s a joke#Im not saying bruxe should hit his kids I’m just saying when he does it’s not automatically the writer doesn’t know him#they might know him all too well actually#also it’s just the way it’s framed for me sorry I think Conflict is interesting#so bruce growing up (at 60 lmao) and dick just having to deal with it is sooo#like idk IK dc is trying to happy family Damian and Bruce rn but to me Bruce DID get somewhat better but Damian can’t ades#address tough shit without feeling luke he’s dragging it and rlly he should be grateful they’re turning a blind eye tk his mistakes so he#goes along with it#pretend the soulless ‘i hate you bc I’m insecure and secretly think ur my favorite Drake!’ is actually#‘i know the role I need to play in order to keep things smooth and if u#i talk to any of you genuinely I’ll explode and also you’ll hate me and also I think I’ll hate you I think I already do so’#that’s my coping#and thats for me personally like this entire post Is how I personally like to see it#i like happy go lucky batfam in microdoses except WFA y will not be forgiven for what u did to Duke#also for the og post I have a whole thing about how Bruce’s attempt to separate the man and the mask causes him to do crazy shit to his kids#but diff time THATS just how I get my middle between incorrect quotes bruce and dudebro bruce tbh
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bunnyb34r · 9 months ago
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Sometimes I really fucking envy the selfish assholes who just don't engage with the news/learn an current events. Like god it must be nice to live in your little bubble, only living in 'the moment' and the 'here and now' around you. It must be so peaceful to be able to see a YouTube short ab current events and say "hmm that's sad" and just scroll onto the next video without giving it a second thought. Must be so fucking peaceful being oblivious. Sometimes I want that. I want to be selfish and self centered, I mean I know I don't but... yknow??
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apocalypticdemon · 4 months ago
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y'know. it really sucks to feel yourself back-sliding, mentally, when you know you've been doing pretty alright for a while
#i can feel it coming scoob. frankly i think it may already be here.#i am always so tired. frustrated. having really fun mood swings.#and my job is deeply taxing and deeply stressful. ao i never get any fucking reprieve.#and i literally don't have the energy to care for myself at home reliably.#so my whole fuckin day got ruined today bc my landlord visited with some people to measure the place.#and i spent hours cleaning. and he ended the call by trlling me my apartment was dirty.#so. i cried. bc i have no emotional resilience anymore on account of the constant stress#and then i cut someone off in traffic today despite trying really hard to Not do that#but despite checking my mirrors and blind spot 4 times i still managed it!#and they sped past me. so i screamed at them from the safety of my car with the windows rolled up.#and then immediately burst into uncontrollable tears that lasted the better part of 30 min#and nearly made me puke.#so now. i am hollowed-out and exhausted. just barely making it through.#and i can feel how close the absolute meltdown is. and i can't fuckin do anything about it bc i can't miss work! fuck!#it's been an exceptionally stressful two weeks and I've had it. but we keep trucking i guess.#idk im sad and frustrated and just going through it rn. and it sucks bc i remember being happy.#and i'm just not anymore.#i ramble#sorry this was long and rambly and unasked for i'm just having a really really bad day#and will be having them every day until at least august!
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