#my taste in fictional men is garbage

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

Continuing my tour of my fav IFs/authors. I'm giving yall some fictional love lives... 👀 If you HAD absolutely HAD to choose one of your ROs/ side characters to romance. Who would it be and whyyyyyyyyy?? Also Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ♥️

Hiiiiiiii,

And ayo! You don't have to call me out for being single like that. 😭✋🏽

It really isn't any competition tbh, Tomás is the closest thing to my type out of the RO's and honestly he isn't even that close for what I usually go for in fiction. I tried really hard to stay away from just making any of the RO's into my "dream type" and instead I based a lot of them on real people that I have met across the span my life.

Besides, my fictional taste in men is absolute ✨Garbage✨.

I love yanderes and toxic af fictional men. The more possessive, jealous, controlling, and manipulative; the hotter they are to me. I know it isn't healthy, which is why I only like them in fantasies.

Tomás would probably still the healthiest choice BY FAR when compared to my 'F' tier quality, list of favorite fictional crushes. The slow burn would probably make me want to blow my brains out, though.

[hetchdrive]

Unfortunately I do still love Asterion an embarrassing amount. His little “by the hells… sex” and then the follow up of “to be clear, not with you” when you ask him what his idea of a night of fun is… like yeah okay bitch (affectionate)

[stellabat]

fellas.........................

[yyako]

Drawing Wesley SunHaven before they reveal his official romanceable portrait and make him as boring and homogeneous as all the other marriage candidates

[memendoemori]

I never judge people for their blorbo fixations because I am often down horrendous for the most despicable and perplexing fictional characters and I will never punch down at anybody

[somerandomcryptid]

I HAVE STARTED WATCHING ARCANE FINALLY AND I JUST FINISHED EP.3 AND I AM NOT OK. I REPEAT I AM NOT OK.

[imperial-evolution]

What if you were trying to buy some property so you could house your otherwise homeless gang of teifling children who you love with your whole heart and some rich fucking cunt nobleman rocked up and started taking an interest in the properties you wanted out of spite and also because he's a capitalist and a landlord, and so you try to threaten him out of buying this one (1) property you want, only for him to accuse you of looking for handouts and suggesting you “actually do some work for once in your life,” so you take a swing at him (and really he should be thanking you for not tearing his fucking throat out where he stands) only for him to take it like a fucking champ, wipe the blood from his mouth (oh fuck, that was really hot??), and cast Reverse Gravity on you before threatening to report you for assault. What then???

[olderthannetfic]

I see a lot of posts around Tumblr and Twitter that are all "if you like [thing] that's all fine and dandy, but if ALL your favourite shows/characters/ships include [thing], you need to ask yourself why".

And the implication is that if you like, say, m/m, it's because you have unexamined prejudices that keep your tastes narrow and exlude female characters from your shippy fun. But in reality, the answer is usually a just a kink or other highly specific interest. Someone who's really into m/m is there because they think two dudes together is hot or exciting or narratively interesting, not because they hate women.

Other people's kinks and tastes and interests doesn't actually set civil rights back. So what if someone never reads a single romance or smutfic with a female character in it, they aren't hurting real life women by failing to imagine suitable number of pretend women having fictional sex.

(I used m/m and female characters as my illustrative example, but I see at least as many of these posts centering on race and disability as on gender, and all of them have the same "your kinks are bad but I'll give them a pass if you mix in enough good kinks")

If your kinks or taste in fiction influence how you treat real women, you should examine that, but people really need to stop it with the "your ships, kinks, etc. are a result of your prejudices and have real like consequences" garbage.

And when there is bigotry or prejudice at root, it's usually on the part of the canon's creators and not the fans. Eg, if all of your favourite characters are gritty action heros and the vast majority of them are white men, the lack of diversity probably says more about the people who always make gritty action heroes white men in the first place than about the fan who likes gritty action heroes.

--

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

Nicolas Cage is one of those people that I would describe as both Talented and also very much an Acquired Taste. Do not misunderstand, the man puts his entire everything into everything he does and never seems to think the material is beneath him, but this has a multiplicative effect on the quality of the movie he's in. Wicker Man (2006,) for example, is such a tough viewing experience because Nicolas Cage, bless him, is acting the entire shit out of a screenplay that is beyond garbage. The screenplay of today's movie, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent is the furthest thing from garbage, and so, the man really shines in it. To get to all the juicy details of why this movie is so goddamn good I'm going to have to spoil some stuff, and I really recommend you watch this one blind, so if you haven't seen it yet get to it, it's great, you'll love it.

Nicolas Cage is struggling financially, in interpersonal relationships, and artistically, that is to say the fictionalized character based on Cage's persona does this at the start of the movie. How the real Nicolas Kim Coppola, as he is credited in this film, is doing I could not tell you. After deciding to give up on his dream to be a capital-A Actor, Cage decides to take a high-paying gig visiting a rich Nick Cage fan on his birthday. It turns out, however, that Javi (played by the ever-excellent Pedro Pascal) is suspected of being a cartel crime lord, and Cage finds himself press-ganged by the CIA to spy on his new friend, who also is trying to get Cage into his film passion project.

It might not surprise you to hear this, but the movie about making a movie (and also some spy stuff) is quite meta with itself. As Javi and Cage discuss the screenplay, the genre of the film we're in shifts. It's about two men, it's explorative and wacky when they take LSD, it's tense and thrillerlike when they discuss conflicts between the dual protagonists. Cage suggests escalating the art film plot into full action movie madness in the third act and wouldn't you know it that happens in the story around him too. It's not the world's cleverest metafiction, but it's earnest and stays with the concept the entire way.

Now, as I have alluded to earlier, Cage acts up a storm in this movie, playing the relatively normal-ish Nick Cage persona as well as this strange semi-emo theater kid persona of his that torments him as a sort of art conscience. I do commend the film for letting "regular" Cage be a more or less normal person though. I think the temptation to make Cage be a bit more larger-than-life and out there to match his biggest parts definitely was there, but letting him be a normal-ish (but certainly strange) guy was a smart move for the tone of the film.

That said, Nicolas Cage isn't actually my favorite actor in the movie. To my surprise, it was Pedro Pascal that really stole the show. Now Pascal is a good actor, I hope I'm not blowing any minds there, but I would not have clocked him out-acting Cage. Part of it, I think, is the role. Javi is a fucking FASCINATING character, the way subdued intensity in the first act and a half or so makes you wonder if he's being intense in that "cool murder man about to do a murder on you" way or just in the "a film nerd that's really extra about how they talk about their favorite subject" way. It's hilarious, and also impressive to see how Pedro's acting style doesn't really change when it is revealed that he is merely a figurehead and his cousin is running all the cartel murder business. The thing that changes most is the context we read his acting in. He's a dork, a mostly harmless dork who's in way over his head but he thinks it's REALLY cool that Nickolas Cage is there and helping him figure it out. It's a very fun trick of cinematography, but a lot of it also rides on Pascal's deftness in portraying Restrained Aggression.

Now is this thing flawless? It comes pretty close in my book, but there still are some slight sticking points. The movie does perhaps rely a bit too heavily on the semi-ironic "too cool to hold an opinion" love for the melodrama of Con Air and sheer Inside Baseball weirdness of Face-Off, which honestly are some pretty surface-level Cage cuts that fail to take in the totality of what makes Cage such a compelling actor. Granted, it might be riskier to assume the wider audience is familiar with Cage works like Mandy, The Sorceror's Apprentice, Drive Angry or Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, if you would allow my hipster side to flourish briefly.

The movie also builds up just a skootch too hard on the third act genre metamorphosis for my taste. Sure, the fact that it's overwrought action movie nonsense at the tail end of a rather grounded experience is part of the joke, but I feel like going for the relatively clean style of 90's action over a more contemporary interpretation of the same might've been funnier.

When all is said and done, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent is a pleasant, fun movie. Yes, it's yet another "meta celebration of the movies," but its dedication to exploring its potential makes it one of the better examples in modern time in my book. Cage is fun to have on screen, and the interplay with Pascal really gets some career-best work out of both of them. It might be an acting cliche at this point, but I don't think I'll ever get tired of Good Actors acting out roles of people who are Bad At Acting, or even Good Actors acting out characters who are Decent Actors Not Delivering Their Career Best Right Now. As for the movie itself? It's fun, it's nerdy, it's kinda dumb but kinda smart about it, go see it!

[baekhyunsthings]

Sometimes, I feel like I have the most basic or garbage tastes in fictional men:

But sometimes my taste in fictional men is in armor:

[druidshollow]

you have gained an extra ten points of coolness in my book. all wings of fire fans are elevated a tier or two

favorite book in the series? it's a tie between 13 and darkstalker for me

mines darkstalker, hes my favourite wof character in general too because i have garbage taste in fictional men ig LMAO

[stellabat]

<- tempted by the slop

[necessary-toilet-naps]

THE UNIVERSE IS YOUR STAGE- PERFORM! AND DONT WORRY, WE’RE ALL HERE FOR THE SHOW. 🐩🪭💋🍒💄🍎♥️

PATIENT ZERO: PECAN

*bubble gum pops* HELLO AGAIN tumblr nation…it’s your favorite truckstop whore in the flesh.. nyeah………ANYWAYS. For those who haven’t come to know me my names pecan and I run a church (my blog) where we smoke newports and attend sermons (whatever bullshit posts I have to give) PLEASE! Make yourselves at home- the body of Christ is a gift that keeps on giving.

Specimen Info:

-My name is pecan, and I also sometimes go as pecanpie. Other aliases include: Cherry Ferry Fantasia. Choose wisely how you refer to me- or don’t, I don’t even exist!

-I’m 19 and female, you can use whatever pronouns when referring to me, but I usually go by she/her 🪭🪭🪭

-ADHD

-aroace, with a hint of bisexuality.

-My hobbies include: drawing, writing (though I rarely ever do finish my pieces let alone publish them) collecting worthless garbage, listening to music and blowing my eardrums out, being an eternal pain in the ass to deal with, thrifting, sitting on porches, smoking winstons, masquerading as a sane individual, dressing up, and trying out new things because I am an avid dopamine chaser. woohoo!

Things I like: Pretentious media, throwing pitchforks at rich priests, consumerism, otome games, douma, buddhism, echo rose, religious studies, args, reaching divinity, shitty manga, maximalism in every sense, bedazzled stuff, money, getting tacky nails, the roaring 20’s, 1950’s femme fashion, old era aesthetics, boutique shops, leopard print, grandma couches, Hollywood reality media, Madonna’s American Life album, Smokey eyeshadow, pathetic wet sop characters and a lot more.

-I have two cats, Mochi and Waffles. The bloodline ends with yours truly.

Fandoms I’m currently active in; Obey Me! Shall We Date, Demon Slayer, and Stephanie Lawson Stevens. I may consider writing for the first two, but I won’t set that in stone yet.

Movies I like: Pink Flamingos, No Country For Old Men, Helter Skelter, Pulp Fiction, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Girl Interrupted, Valerie and Her Week of Wonders, Spun, Gummo, Last Night in Soho, Fruit of Wonder, Elephant (2003), The Royal Tenenbaums - will be updated the more I get my hands on anything new that tickles my fancy.

My taste in music: I’m pretty versatile when it comes to what I prefer, so it could range from bimbo-pop to classical music. Anything that sounds good to me I like. I mostly listen to 50’s housewife songs and lady Gaga, though.

-I’m a big fan of indie art and surrealism. Filmmaking as well. Shaye Saint John and Mouchette.org are a few of my favorites.

-I like mortuary work and autopsies. I hold the death industry in high regards- not everyone is willing to work with corpses.

-huge GIGANTIC douma fan. anything and everything douma related I will not hesitate to engage with, he’s my little guy.

- heart sunglasses ambassador (this is my trademark) ❤️

-Polka dot prints and faux fur are resounding yesses.

-You know Florence? (If you get the reference.)

-I think vintage pill cases are lovely.💋

-I have the response time of a limp dick. I either respond in less than a second or only after 3 business months.

-I’ve been working on my new oc line on and off for a few months now, called FEAR & LOATHING in JERUSALEM. artblock is a massive bitch, but stuff is in progress.

Anyways if you’re a terrible human being feel free to block me, you are not welcome onto my blog thank you very much xoxo (transphobes homophobes ableists you know who you are)

GOT COMPLAINTS? CONTACT ME AT 1-666-JERUSALEM-CRACK-SHACK! Make sure to leave me a message. Business hours only!

🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒MASTERLIST: IN THE WORKS? 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

[felixschokehold]

Disclaimer: List is due to change over time as new things are learned about each character.

Bias|Favorites 

Ultimate Bias: Felix of the Volturi

He is TALL.

He has very little scenes in the books/movies but the back story I’ve given him and literally just my own story of him has made me very attached to him.

I also love Daniel Cudmore as Felix and I am perpetually Dead^TM.

Cannot help but to love fictional homicidal men.

Edward Cullen

Edward (and Bella) call to my BPD/bipolar so fucking hard. I understand the obsession. The mania. The self hatred. The lack of confidence in someone loving you because you don’t feel “good enough”.  

Love the vigilante vampire side story. Homicidal? Check. Justified killings? Double check. Love it. Living for it.

Leah Clearwater

An absolute badass.

She deserved much better.

Demetri of the Volturi

In the books he’s also Tall. 

In the movies he’s very charming and funny (i.e. shoving Felix to hoard food).

I feel very sorry for him since Aro literally kidnapped him from Amun’s coven.

Emmett Cullen

Everyone’s fave himbo. 

Felt very protective of Bella as a brother very early on (Midnight Sun describes this during driving away from the baseball scene). 

Marcus of the Volturi

His entire life was ruined by Aro and I feel so sorry for him.

He had the greatest love of all time and it was ripped from him. 

Is absolutely done with everything and is ready to die at any moment. Mood. 

Jane and Alec

Literally just two innocent children. 

Aro also basically ruined their life and turned them without their consent (afaik). 

Forcefully bound and kept content by Aro. 

So much pity for them. My children.

Paul 

Anger issues. Same. 

Have you seen him?

Indifferent

Alice Cullen

Continuously and borderline obnoxiously tries to force Bella into her own picture of femininity.

Literally is okay with loving a non-repentant Confederate soldier.

She is nice but just kind of rubs me the wrong way ig.

Carlisle Cullen

Created his own “family” without any consent from them as they lay dying. 

Sam Uley

Seems like a hardass, but was probs just trying to be a leader and do what was best. 

Esme Cullen 

She is wholesome but not my cup of tea. 

Some motherly figures make me feel weird because mine is dead lmao.

The Pack

Unnamed members above and below go here, just no reason to like or dislike them.

The Denali Coven

I understand where Irina comes from. Kate is pretty cool ig. Tanya is alright. Eleazar and Carmen are hot af. I just don’t feel any certain way for the whole clan.

Anti|Non Favorites

Ultimate Anti: Jacob Black

Imprinting on a child; Smeyers writing imprinting as how wolves “find their mate”, and the “future” Alice saw in the movie of them acting kind of romantic to each other has made me have a very vile taste for Jacob Black. Pre-wolf Jacob? Totally cool. Post-wolf Jacob? Absolute fucking incel. 

Aro of the Volturi

Aro doesn’t “recruit”, he straight up kidnaps. He uses Chelsea and Corin’s powers to remove vampires he wants from covens they’re in and ties them to him for ultimate loyalty. He killed his own sister, Didyme, because he didn’t want Marcus to leave as he and Didyme were mated and wanted to dip from the Volturi. Aro is enslaving and kidnapping vampires on the reg.

Caius of the Volturi

He is the only member of the Volturi that Aro has not forced to stay. Caius stays on his own, he only uses Corin’s ability to cure his boredom when he isn’t committing mass murder or punishing lawbreakers. 

Rosalie Cullen (Hale) 

Supreme Bitch for literally no reason. 

Pro-lifer. 

Treats Bella like absolute garbage and almost gets her own brother killed because “Bella I eNvY yOu”

Rene 

Was never a real mother to Bella, Bella had to mother her. 

Selfish. 

Just annoying and a terrible person lol.

Charlie Swan 

Didn’t do anything in the movie when Jacob kissed Bella without consent. In the book, he praised Jacob for kissing Bella.

ACAB. 

Jasper Cullen (Hale) 

I only put him here because he’s a Confederate soldier with no remorse. 

Probably a racist.

Quil 

Also imprinted on a child.

[acronixvenomoid]

Venom in my Eye

Acronix lays in the bath, battered, bruised, and with no idea what happened to him.

Not that the last part is unusual, since Wu had him lobotomized.

Warnings: Violence, Hatecrime against a fictional minority.

"Acronix? Are you okay in there?"

Acronix jumped, struggling to orient himself.

He was in his own bathroom, dripping wet and buck naked, and the tub was halfway full.

"Acronix?! Are you okay"

He thought he recognized the voice but couldn't put a face to it.

"I'm coming in if you don't answer"

"No-! Give me a moment!" Acronix shouted back, hastily grabbing a towel to dry off.

As he did so, he realized how sore he was.

His body was covered in bruises, his leg, especially, hurt to walk on, although it wasn't broken.

Far slower this time, he dried off and got dressed.

There was a venomari just outside the bathroom door.

Acronix raised his hood, lip curling to reveal his fangs.

The venomari took a step back, raising his hands placatingly.

"Hey, don't worry, I work for you, I wasss hired as a caregiver though the Turned Warriorsss charity"

Acronix relaxed, but didn't let his guard down, keeping one eye on him as he moved to the couch.

He winced as he lay down. "What happened?" he asked.

"You got lossst, someone must've-" he cut himself off, looking away, "I don't know"

___

Acronix was in his own bathroom, laying chest deep in lukewarm water.

He was covered in fresh cuts and bruises, and there was a creeping terror that he couldn't place the source of.

Carefully, near automatically, he cleaned himself and climbed out of the tub.

Every instinct was screaming for him to grab a weapon, but there wasn't anything that would work in the bathroom, he'd have to- ___

Acronix lay there a moment, panting, and then raised his head, looking around in an attempt to get his bearings.

He was in an ally, but it was too dark to see much more.

He flicked his tongue out, tasting the air.

It smelled strongly of garbage and piss, and he cringed.

Acronix was too tired to stand, and his whole body hurt.

He wondered, if he went to sleep here, would he wake up?

"Acronix?"

He jerked his head in the direction of the voice, tongue again flicking from his mouth.

A venomari stood just outside the ally. Acronix couldn't place the face but the scent was vaguely familiar.

As they got closer, and the beam of their flashlight fell across him, he could hear them gasp.

"Acronix!" They ran over. Kneeling next to him, they said "Are you okay?"

Acronix squinted against the light as he weighed his pride against his pain.

The venomari seemed comforted by his reaction.

"Oh, you sssstill aren't recognizing me" they muttered, a bit louder, they said "my name isss Akihiko, I've been helping you for the passst few monthsss"

Acronix flicked his tongue again, squinting at them.

He couldn't remember the venomari, probably never would, but he felt familiar, trustworthy, and that would have to be enough.

___

There were two men, one dead, the other moaning on the sidewalk and just starting to turn.

Acronix was covered in blood, and there was a knife he didn't recognize clutched in his hand.

He dropped the knife and hobbled away best he could, smearing blood against glass as he let the nearest building take his weight.

Sirens wailed off in the distance, growing steadily louder, Acronix summoned the last of his energy, and pushed himself forward through time.

He collapsed in an ally a few streets away.

___

There were five of them, circling like sharks. A sixth stood a bit away, holding up a phone.

Judging from the pain in his leg, the fresh bruises aching all over his body, he got the sinking sense that he'd already been attacked.

One pulled a knife from his belt, and at the glint of metal, Acronix flipped out.

Without thinking, he lunged at the man's face, clawing out his eyes and breaking a fang off in his skull.

The man fell, screaming, and Acronix got the knife. One of his buddies tried to pull him off, and Acronix slashed their throat.

He turned and stared the last four down, and they seemed to think better of continuing this attack, their target having been stronger then they'd thought.

They ran off, and left his memory.

___

There were six of them, and they hadn't realized he'd noticed them yet.

They wore heavy clothes are carried clubs. He didn't know how long they'd been following him, new memories slipped away like water between his fingers after what Wu had done to him, but he didn't need memories to realize he was being hunted.

One of approached, slowly, from the right.

"Hey" he said, voice gruff.

Acronix shot him a glare and raised his upper lip, giving a glimpse of his fangs, and walked a bit faster, hoping they'd grow bored and leave.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" The man shoved him into the wall, and Acronix fell hard.

Before he could stand, he felt the club slam into his side, knocking the wind from him, and before he could react, they were on him.

He tasted blood in his mouth before the third blow landed, terrified, he did his best to curl into a ball, struggling in his panic and his clouded mind to access his powers-

Suddenly, he was on his feet a few steps away, the group slamming clubs and fists into the concrete.

Acronix tried to run, but pain burned up his leg when he put weight on it, and a limp was all he could manage.

___

There were six of them, and they hadn't realized he'd noticed them yet.

They wore heavy clothes are carried clubs. He didn't know how long they'd been following him, new memories slipped away like water between his fingers after what Wu had done to him, but he didn't need memories to realize he was being hunted.

He'd never been safe in the city, always had to fear that someone would find him, lost and confused, and take advantage, but things had gotten so much worst after the serpentine returned, people who'd long been wary of those more squamous citizens, but had been held back by knowledge that any snake out in the open would likely be a veteran of the serpentine war, had grown bolder.

Deep down, he suspected they hid that hate not out of respect, but out of fear, fear of how the unprovoked murder of a veteran marked by war would reflect upon them.

Now that the true serpentine were back, they could hide behind the pretense that their victim had helped to call Her from the depths, and, well, if they turned out to be wrong? A snake is a snake, how were they supposed to know?

[always-andromeda]

all the crushes i’ve had since a child to now have been weird, i am known amongst friends to have very weird taste in men that varies significantly. as someone with autism i struggle in terms of romance as i don’t understand flirting and all the fictional men are better anyway and they can’t hurt me. even the ones who are not very nice in canon they are kind in my head <3 anyone who has weird crushes do not feel alone but also don’t settle for someone irl you are worth having someone who treats you well even if you have to wait a hundred years for them don’t sell yourself short beautiful people of @spicedchaiandromeda blog this is not what was asked of me but i wrote what my heart told me to write and it may never be seen thank you for allowing me to ramble

I understand this sentiment completely!! Basically every real life crush I’ve ever had is one that I’ve had to “justify” to my friends? Usually because they weren’t conveniently attractive. It’s always been like a thing for me where I could just fall in love with almost anyone? But I’ve always also been garbage at flirting too? Like I tend to say a lot of shit where I realize way later that oH, they might have construed that in a very different way than I intended. 😀

But yes, anon, I am cosigning your message here!! Don’t settle for less than what you’re worth, friends. Which is easier said than done, I get it. But the world is so large and so vast that there is 100% people out there for everyone who will make you feel like sunshine and moonlight and everything in between.