#my sweet perceptive trash rat

[deserthusbands]

quinlan, smirking: so, have you two ever—

cody: no.

obi-wan: quinlan.

quinlan: i didn’t even finish the question!

cody: you didn’t need to.

[mc-critical]

hey, it's been a while, hope you're doing fine!

your unproblematic faves in mc/mc:k and why?

mine from mc would be mihrunissa (she's the queen of s4, and also my 2nd favourite character from the franchise overall), cihangir (the king of s4), mehmet ( a non-existent character imo, was loving to everyone from what i could tell & was pretty so why not), nergissah (ik she didn't have much of a character but she was extremely loving, even towards mihrunissa who wasn't her biological mother, adored her relationship with mahi and she was the only family mahi had left after musti, nissa & mehmet died apart from fidan & yusuf), atmaca, yavuz, taslicali (musti's loyal friends; and i adored taslicali w/ mihrimah, the only guy i shipped her with tbh), and i guess that's it, i may be missing someone considering there were several characters.

from mc:k it would be geverhan (the queen of s2, i love her so much and she's my second most favourite character from the franchise overall, such a kind & sensitive soul, she truly deserved a better ending, i just wanted to see her happy), zulfiqar (one of the most loyal people in the entire franchise, deserved a better ending, dying in the place he spent his blood, sweat & tears was definitely a tragic death but also ties into his character, had a sweet relationship w/ humasah who also deserved a better ending), mustafa (my boy! he's just so adorable in the series, the baby & the adult, the joke he played on halime had me in tears, davut's reaction to him sending the table for a walk; i'm sorry but he was the mvp of s1 and deserved so much better than mu/rat killing him ((fuck mu/rat)) but i guess it's kinda cool that he got to sail a ship before dying considering he always loved ships? idk but he's just fantastic and such a cutie + the english subtitles w him were hilarious), and i guess that's it, most characters were kinda problematic in the series, even humasah who i adored but i definitely don't appreciate for trying to put iskender on the throne which would cause the death of kosem & her children. i would've added ibrahim, who i think is such a cutie and i don't understand any hate towards him; i understand the things he did in s2 ending were problematic but he was just having a severe mental breakdown and what he needed was therapy, not that turhande dethroning him. honestly, fuck mu/rat & turhande.

(also mustafa from mc though i don't think he would be considered unproblematic? )

sorry for the rant lol just, unproblematic faves are so good to talk about because you aren't conflicted with them like you are with characters such as hurrem, mahidevran, nurbanu, kosem, nigar, selim, bayezid, etc.

i hope you're having a great day!

Hey, I'm happy to see you back! 😻

We share a lot of unproblematic faves! I love almost everyone you mentioned!

In MC I love Mihrunnisa, because, as you said she's an absolute queen and the best match for Mustafa for me. She suits his level of maturity and they had a very deep, pure, truly genuine bond you didn't see with anyone else from his women. What's most unique about her character is that they didn't put any opposition around her, her story wasn't overshadowed by a love triangle and that helped the relationship between her and Mustafa shine all the more and we saw her have more agency as a character. Cihangir is such a cinnamon roll and cutie pie and yet he's so smart and perceptive of his surroundings. Neither his love for Mustafa, nor his deformity define him and I love what they did with him in the span of a little more than a half-season. Taşlicali, Atmaca and Yavuz are the best trio ever and I loved watching them in action. How loyal they were to Musti and how they wanted to protect him. 😍😍 I loved Taşlicali's moments with Mihrimah and Mahidevran as well as Mustafa, I loved how Atmaca put Rüstem in his place (we stan!) and Yavuz was so cool and they killed him too soon. We should've seen more of Nergisşah, tbh, but her relationship with Mahi is everything and like all of Mahidevran's relationships with the people she loves, she brought the best in her. And she also seemed like a loving and caring human being to everyone else she interacted with, too, she's just... lovely. Screw SS for marrying her off like that, this piece of trash should be killed with fire.

I would also add Helena to my list of unproblematic favourites, because, writing-wise, she's one of the better handlings of a tomboyish girl in the franchise, a mash-up of both Armin's plot and Aybige's character done much better. Yes, just like all the girls with tomboyish personalities (Aybige, Diana etc.), that trait of theirs was either diminished or gone, but with Helena the blow wasn't as hard as with the rest and you could definetly say that this is more a side of hers allowed to show from her completely new environment and is probably the one most restrained by it. The girl clearly deserved better than what they put her through and I loved how much she cherished her own freedom, rights and family. Her relationship with Rita was great, too.

I really want to say and Mustafa and Gülfem, as well, to be honest, because while they're flawed and far from perfect, they're overally consistently positive characters in the eyes of the narrative and their questionable actions aren't as drastic for me to put them in the "problematic" category.  I mean, compared to everyone else.... Okay, they still technically don't count, but I love both of them too much to refrain from mentioning them at least hehe 😅 Gülfem should've gotten much much more in the way of storylines of her own, but the moments where she shone really scream potential. She's such a loyal, patient and understanding person and her strenght to listen to other people's sorrows, be considerate of them and seemingly being able to forgive people because from whom she suffered (Mahidevran apparently) or made the people she loved suffer in a way and involving her in this, too (Hürrem), is extraordinary for me. And she tried to kill SS, about time someone did it, I stan, she left the show like a queen! And my adoration of Mustafa is pretty much endless, so I won't delve too deep into it. His relationship with his mother, his resilience, his intuition, his still firm hand contrasted to his loyalty to his father that crushed him, but I can't help but respect... yup.

For MCK I have the exact same favourites, as well, only I would add Meleksima, because she was pretty harmless, deserved better and loved Osman and their kids. Gevherhan is my favourite dynastic sultana in the whole franchise (followed by Hatice) and I love her selflessness and humanity. She subverted all the sultana tropes, basically, I don't recall a scene where she was ever elitist to someone below her, she didn't intrigue or scheme and she didn't have an agenda of her own. Her suicide was her breaking the ties she had with her environment and her deciding to finally be the selfish person for once, to do what she wanted, to decide her own destiny. Deserved to be happy with Silahtar more than anything else ever. Zulfikar was so understanding and noble, I'm surprised that the palace didn't devour him, his death was so heartwrenching. Mustafa is a precious bean that also got sucked by his own environment and by the horrible Fatih law and game of survival, his psyche was soo destroyed you can't help but feel sorry for him, at the very least. The same goes with Ibrahim who is also a product of his own environment and even the conflicts of his brothers, I get why he would turn his back on everything and everyone and fixate on the only thing that could bring him a bit of peace and escapism - his harem. He and Mustafa were put in roles they had no capacity to play anymore and I'm sobbing. And yes, Ibo didn't deserve to be so screwed over by Turhande, screw her and Murat. (and also Atike, what she did with her sister because of her selfish, unrequited love and she was told about it by Sil himself! was disgusting, interesting character, but so were Murat and SS and even Turhan in her thematic utility.)

[readbythestarlight]

c2e62

Oh my god he’s starting the ad off actually talking about D&D Beyond??

"I have between 2-4 minutes every night to do whatever I want" a terrifying concept

Oh Sam. We made it 2 whole minutes without talking about genitals smh.

I’m so excited about them making a home here

I hope they post a picture with everyone’s rooms mapped out later

Caleb just using his cat’s paw to help Cad plant his garden

They’re all so cute and excited about the house (except maybe Fjord)

Wait he’s gonna grow his magic giant tree atop the tower???

Okay I love it, Cad and his giant tree atop his tower

Well now everyone knows where the weird heroes of the dynasty are living

Cad’s gonna just grow so much

Everyone else is decorating and Fjord’s worried about putting security shutters on the windows

He’s the only one not having fun with this, poor guy

AWWWW JESTER THAT’S SO SWEET

painting Yasha a pretty mural of flowers I cry

I’m having FEELINGS this is so SWEET

Caleb installing his own alarm system

Cad: "what this—" *leaves, buys copper* "there we go, chimes." :D

Ouch. That’s a 450 worth of gold, 250 if he has to do more than once

200g to keep his garden alive and sunshiny. Worth it.

Cad’s gonna make little fairy lights!

The neighbors are jealous of Cad’s fairy garden

AYYYYE finally working on the teleportation circle

Which.... makes me nervous because Yusah could easily trap them/hand them over to the Empire

LB, about the tree: "will it be like that all the time?"

F: "I think that’s how trees work, yeah."

—

L: with a Nat1 "I’m gonna go ask Fjord"

T: Nat20

Oh wait did he say Dark Tow?

"I’m fine" Fjord you’re a fucking LIAR

!!!!! Caleb put together the Alchemical lab for Yeza!!!!

Oh my god all I want now is Yeza and Luke and Veth living in a house with the M9 and they

Oh no

The letter

Fuck

Forgot about the letter

Oh no

I don’t think they said anything about money and inheritance did they?? And they mentioned Caleb’s name didn’t they?? Fuck I can’t remember what they said

OH HOLY SHIT IT’S FROM CALIANA

Gotta go back soon

Oh shit it’s from Solstrice fuck

Oh god they put their names

SOMEONE FIND ME THE CLIP FROM THAT LETTER

Yes god plz message mom and make sure she’s okay and warn her about anyone named Astrid or Ikathon

FUCK god what will this do to Jester and Caleb if they’re watching her or if they take her

These people have already hurt Nott’s family and now they could hurt Jester’s too and Caleb’s gonna feel so bad

N: "I just wanted you to have a friend."

C: "I have friends."

N: "Well you didn’t then."

IM HAVING FEELINGS AND IM SCARED

Caleb’s real jittery now

Mmmm given that you haven’t confirmed no bugs we shouldn’t be talking about Dairon maybe

While Caleb and Nott or Caleb and Beau are having serious conversations, the clerics are planning to build a spa xD

Boy I can’t wait for Caleb to corner Fjord I hope he gets something out of him

Caleb just whips that medallion out any time, like he has that thing ready

THAT’S SO MUCH GOLD WTF

Ohhhh I physically hurt

1000g that they could lose

I hope they call the house the Treehouse from now on

Ayyyy Essik!

B: "do you want to stay for dinner?"

Me: do you want to stay forever?

Ohhhh I didn’t catch that they took their surenames from the dens

"Show me"

Oh gosh

Caleb honey the cat? Really?

C: "My people are perverting your magic. I wish to understand better, so that I can better help."

E: "Are you busy right now" WHAT

E: "May I?"

B: "I invited you twice but yeah yeah enter."

They’re HOSTING

This feels like a trap

Like that’s as too easy right?? He only rolled a 12

"Let me teach you a few things"

OH MY GOD

WHAT

UP TO 3 SPELL LEVELS OF DUNEMANTIC MAGIC?!??

WHAT

FUCKING

WHAT

It’s a trap right it’s gotta be a trap

"Bending of fate, destiny" the whole table freaks out

Fucking

This is gonna be a trick it’s gotta be a trick

Frick guys I’m so in love with Essik

B: "Caduceus calls it a ‘White Xhorhassian’—"

E: "...Mildly racist, but..."

God I hope that wasn’t some sort of trick or trap for Caleb

Fjord and Caleb talk now oh boy

OHHH SHIT WAY TO LEAD IN CALEB

Why you lyin’ Fjord why you always lyin’?

Caleb’s trying to... help?

Boy remember when I felt like Fjord and Caleb were gonna be the bro’s

"What do you think, we’re gonna chase you out of here, run you off?"

YES THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE THINKS

"I found myself reinvented when I woke up on that shore"

"I didn’t care for that life, didn’t care for me. I prefer to leave it in the past. It’s not that I’m hiding anything from you, I... I don’t wanna bring things from my old life into this one. I can sound like many people, do many things."

God why do so many people in this group have pasts they need to hide from???

They’re both so scared the past is gonna swallow them up, hurt them and the people around them

C: "Because I worry about you all. And maybe I just want to know that you... are not worried about that as well."

F: "There is nothing that nips at my heels or at my back that is a danger to anyone else in this group." BUT IT’S A DANGER TO YOU FJORD AND THAT WILL MATTER TO THEM.

This talk is hurting me

C: "We can remake ourselves into something better."

F: "Yeah, I... that’s what I thought I was doin’. I can promise there is no danger from my past. I like this me, I love it."

God I’m so sorry that I ever suspected Fjord because I feel like a heel now

Caleb, trust him and don’t push. He’ll come to you when he’s ready.

C: "The only reason the group knows about me is because I am... Crazy"

F: "I don’t think you’re crazy, you’re one of the more out together people I know. At least that’s what you show. Thank you for... I want to say caring."

C: "That is accurate. Give me your hand. I am not a good person, but we are friends."

Also who else is crying because Caleb called them family

Also "give me your hand" slayed me I’m such trash for casual touches especially in a non-romantic sense

Perception check why

Back to the sword good good good

I thought for sure he was gonna say her hair was gonna start falling out

J: "By the second day it’s starting to turn greasy."

C: "My how the tables have turned."

Poor Sprinkle :(

Making a weasel nest in the tree

POOR SPRINKLE

"The big bad has been revealed" xD

"You throw some rats in there—" Taliein is dying of laughter

Sprinkle is going to run away

Guys Bryce is a town guard they don’t have time to just personally escort Luke and his guardian

They definitely need to get back to Luke, but it’s going to be hard to do at this point

Mmm Caleb wanting to ask Essik to get them to Alfield

Call me crazy, I wonder if they could ask the Gentleman for help

Or like, Cali or Keg or one of their friends

LIKE SHAKASTE

THAT’S RIGHT good thinking Nott! He’s not in Alfield probably I imagine, since y’all last saw him up near Shady Creek Run, but he would def help I’m positive and then he could guest star again

I feel like robbing a shop is probably not the best idea right now? Like even if they have a good reason I don’t think it’s the best plan

F: "Moro I don’t know how to say this but I... need you."

Oh my god FJORD xD

The glow is gonna be something stupid and pointless

The glow is something alive?? Someone invisible?

Hmmm interesting

"Oh my god it’s a front"

Of course they found drugs

Oh dang ground white stone. 1000g enchanting??

Okay so can they use it to help pay for Yasha’s thing?

Okay why does she have enchanting dust

In a place where an Empire spy is supposed to go

Ohhhhh they got a map!! New map new map!

Gonna lie I don’t like the idea of M.T. House. It’s nice to remember Molly but... idk

AYYYY GETTING IN TOUCH WITH SHAKASTE

We had so better get Shakaste back on the show!!

Please please please bring Khary back!

Oh dang yes the scrying worked!

Oh boy

"My liege"

If they choose to tell the Dynasty about this they’ll 100% be traitors, once and for all

Which like... I’m okay with. I don’t have any preference for the Empire and I like things about the Dynasty.

Scourgers...

Royal assassins

"My liege" is the King isn’t it

I really think they need to tell the Bright Queen

B: "Were they training you to be a scourger?"

C: "I think so." holy shit

God what if Astrid and whatshi are scourgers already

Have I mentioned how amazing Matt is to come up with all this and connect all these threads

Mmm Cad and Jester being a voice of reason

Cad: "Some things are too big to get on top of. Some things are bigger than us."

Cad’s being smart. They need to give a warning, not try to also control the situation.

Go immediately.

Where’s that whole thing coming from, Caleb? There’s really no reason to get that involved. Just like tell them what’s coming, that’s all you have to do. Listen, Caduceus is right.

Poor Beau

She’s kinda been stuck in a corner where she has to betray a homeland she’s not that fond of, but she is fond of Dairon

Oh gosh, Beau. :(

This is such a good moment for her, realizing that people are people wherever they are, that she doesn’t want to betray the people in the Empire, as little as she cares about the Empire itself

She’s not gonna slit your throat honey it’s fine

Boy next week is gonna be really intense again

[bakubrattt]

Sleep (Urie x Saiko)

I am Urisai trash, don't judge. Wrote this quick fluff thinking oh maybe my son Cookie might survive mama duck and go say fuckityolo420justblaze to the CCG with best girl Saiko and go join forces with the ghouls. ;~; I'll write more if enough people like this. ------- They were forced to share the bed together for the night thanks to having to rent a room in some shitty hotel while they remained under cover after defecting from the CCG. Urie Kuki wasn’t very happy about that. Sure, the shitty hotel part sucked, but he could deal. What he resented was having to share a room, let alone a bed with Yonebayashi Saiko. He could only imagine how the rest of the night would go. She’d probably stay up through the late hours, playing some silly RPG on her hand-held gaming device, tossing and turning to find a comfortable position every ten minutes. When she’d finally fall asleep, she’d probably snore very loudly. Having a small fraction of the bed left for room for Urie would be considered a luxury, he thought. He expected her to drool all over his pillow, or worse, cling onto his arm and leg and bury her hot, drooly face into his neck. Or, realistically, all of the above. Urie groaned as he finally mustered the will to leave the bathroom after he showered and face his awaiting discontent. She was lucky they were very close now, he thought. If it were anyone else, he would have probably just slept on the cold, hard ground. Well, he thought about it for a while, but ultimately the thought of a soft, warm bed was worth the tiny but oddly endearing pain in his ass he had come to genuinely cherish over time. “(Please be asleep. Please be fucking asleep, Yonebayashi,)” Urie thought to himself expressionlessly as he creaked the door and peered into the dim room. Urie stood there, still, his brows furrowing at the sight of Saiko laying on the bed in her nighty, halfway under the blankets, fingers laced over her chest as her big sad eyes stared at the ceiling. “(Huh? She’s awake…Not gaming…”) He was both relieved and concerned, “Yonebayashi. It’s late. Turn off the lamp so I can sleep.” Saiko barely blinked at the sound of his voice. She never moved as he climbed into bed with a sigh, lying beside her with a distance. “Alright, what’s wrong?” He stared with slight annoyance that he had to ask, or rather, that he cared enough to. He knew he owed her that and that turning over without a word was a dick move, no matter how much he had perfected the art of pretending not to give a rat’s ass about the people around him. There was no use doing that to Saiko. She was a perceptive little shit who knew just how much of a worry-wart softie that muscle-head was deep down…And Urie hated that. Saiko turned her head over slowly, her mismatch-colored eyes brimming with anxiety, her small lips in a pout. “Urie…What do you think will happen to the CCG? What about-…What about our friends?” She pleaded quietly, almost uncharacteristically quiet for the loud-mouthed little lady. Urie looked away indifferently, lacing his ungloved hands beneath his head as he found the ceiling easier to look at. “Does it matter? We’re terrorists, now,” he resisted an urge to shrug, “(They’re no longer our friends. We’re the enemy, now…)” Saiko huffed at the answer, rolling closer as she laid on her side and elbow, “yes! It does matter. They’re still our friends! We can’t just-“ “We made our choice. We’re doing the right thing. You can’t expect other people to follow. The CCG will inevitably crumble now and we can’t-“ “URIBO, YOU BLOCKHEAD!” She growled at him, punching a muscled arm as she nearly knocked him off the bed, “you’re not listening to me! We can’t just fight from the ghoul’s side blindly. We’ll be fighting our friends! We-…We have to get them on our side, somehow…” Urie blocked any sight of her annoying face looming in his vision as he pushed her tiny fist away, climbing over the edge of the bed to resume his spot as he fixed his violet hair, “do you honestly think people like Hsiaou and Higemaru are going to fight for the CCG once the truth reaches the media? Once they learn I’m alive (with a vengeance) and find out what really happened when we fought Furuta? (That corrupt fucking bastard and his shitty duck sidekick…) And Mutsuki has gone completely mad. He won’t see the truth of any of this. He’s blinded by obsession and Aura will continue to fuel him. I’d hate to say it, but they’re a different story, and we’re not going into that tonight. (You won’t want to hear any of it, anyway.)” Saiko opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. “Really, Yonebayashi…” Urie sat up, finally looking at her, “(say, what’s with that look on your face?) You think too much. You talk too much. Just hush that little head (and mouth) of yours and sleep. I promise you, this is all going to work out.” Saiko sat up as well to meet his tired gaze. She ran her petite fingers through her sky-blue locks as a nervous habit, still staring at those dark, sullen eyes Urie had, as if pleading for a better answer. That wasn’t enough for Saiko. She wanted to be told that everyone would live happily ever after; that no one else had to die, that they wouldn’t have to inevitably be forced to fight Mutsuki and Aura, that this would all have a happy ending. Although, no matter how much she wanted to hear that reassurance, she knew Urie wouldn’t tell her such silly little lies, and she had to accept things being as fucked up as they were. “I-…” She choked out, turning away as she felt the tears building up in her eyes, “I can’t sleep, I-I can’t think about what’s gonna happen when we join the ghouls, we’ll fight the CCG with Maman again, o-or Kaneki, Ken, or-“ “Quiet, come here,” Urie said it softer than he had intended to. There was only one real way to hush Saiko now and make her snap back into her senses. If there’s anything he learned from her it was that being buried against someone’s chest was somehow efficient enough to shut someone up right quick. At least, it was true for him back when he rampaged after framing out for the first time. “Come here,” he gently pulled her into his chest and lied down with her, wrapping around her comfortingly. Saiko’s hair smelled of cinnamon rolls, pressed against the lower half of his face. Urie uncontrollably breathed her in, smiling at the familiarly sweet aroma of this small, charmingly infuriating little terrorist he had somehow gotten so close to. Even though the scent of human food had progressively gotten more and more vile for Urie, now with things like sandwiches and cinnamon rolls being completely inedible after his fight with Roma, the way Saiko smelled never changed for him. She was sickly-sweet in a childish sort of way. If anything, holding her comforted him probably more than it comforted her, he thought; yet he didn’t hate to admit that, at least not in this very moment. “This is what you did to make calm down and fall asleep, right?” Urie’s voice almost came as a whisper, “(God, when did I become this way? I’m no longer human, but I feel more human than I ever have before…)” “Yes…” She spoke, muffled in warmth and the smell of that favorite body soap she secretly loved that he used. It wasn’t even a question, Saiko not-so-secretly lived for this and her smile said it all as she snuggled Urie close, neither of them realizing it when she draped a leg over his, “although, your body feels a lot harder than mine, machy-boy. Heh…” “…You feel like cookie-dough.” Urie grumbled in annoyance. It wasn’t a compliment despite that he enjoyed the softness of her curvy little figure more than ever right now. That, he did hate to admit to himself. The fact that Saiko felt nice, hell more than nice against him was an uncomfortable thought to fathom. Not to mention that they were literally cuddling in bed and about to fall asleep together in God knows what other mushy positions. Urie tried his damn hardest not to think of it like that. He had just wanted to comfort her. This was a coincidental accident, he told himself; and it really was…Not that he could complain, at least. “Whatever, Cookie Urie.” Saiko giggled quietly in victory, sneaking a single kagune tentacle under her nightgown to reach for the lamp so she wouldn’t have to part from Urie. She figured he wouldn’t hold her again if she did.

[mypunkpansexualtwin]

Pathfinder Campaign weeks 3, 4, and 5! Partly as one post to keep one dungeon run in one place, partly because I’m lazy and kept putting it off. Once again we had:

@theta-thoughts​ The Benevolent GM (^^)

@actnonsense​ The Kitsune Magus, Yamato Nobuyuki/Akira Kuruso (++)

@babebot​ The Ratfolk Alchemist, Durn (–)

@tobiyond​ The Tengu Rogue, Cial (~~)

and me, The Kval Barbarian, Blink Tehnk (==)

(Those little bits in the parentheses are for when I’m typing out quotes, so y’all know who’s talking. 1 for in character, 2 for OOC. Also, to my gaymers, feel free to reblog with the stuff you remember, or you liked better, or stuff I missed. It’s our game and I like seeing your thoughts too. Since these are from my perspective they get a little Blink centric.)

Week 3

  ^^ “Okay, Tobi wasn’t here last week, anyone wanna give him the summary of everything you found out shopping?”   == “*quick and dirty rundown of everything I remembered, which I’m impressed with remembering as much as I did cause dissociation.* Plus the big stuff got added to the story tab in discord Theta left for us. I’m pretty sure I forgot something though.”   ~~ ”Alright, cool.”   ^^ ”No, yeah, you got it. Wanna go over it again in voice where we can all hear you or are we all good with what they wrote?”   == “Uhhhhhh…..”   ~~ ”Nah, we good.”

Waking up Act again, this time with the ps messenger app, feeling a little bad about it cause I’m well versed in the ways of the fucked up sleep schedule.

  ^^ ”Alright, so Lady Origena has summoned you four to talk about the kobold clan that’s becoming a threat to the city.”   == “THAT’S what I forgot. Tobi, the kobolds are restless.”   ~~ ”Thanks, Momo.”

Theta giving us the rundown on the whole situation as the NPC, asking us if we have any questions, and getting a solid 10 seconds of “Uuhhhhhhhhhhh.” 

Getting to the quarry where the kobolds made their home and immediately getting into a fight. Akira/Yamato using magic match #1 to set a kobold on fire, and watching them jump off the cliff and into the lake 30 feet down.

  = “Oh god durn it.” (After Durn walked out into the open, prompting that fight.)   ~~ “Goddammit Momo.”   == “I’m hilarious.”

Theta showing off the benefits of his newly acquired roll20 premium account and all the neato lighting effects that came with it.

  ++ “Okay, I cast color spray on these guys.”   ^^ “Blink is standing right there.”   ++ “What? He’s tiny, he should be able to duck under it. I’m casting.”   ^^ “Momo, roll a will save…. Okay, you took the blast, but shake the effects off easily.”   == “Oh good.”

Cial also getting a nat 20 on seeing through the “No I’m not a kitsune, we’re two different people” thing that Act has going for Yamato/Akira, but all of us agreeing to go with it anyway.

  ^^ “Guys, don’t split the party.”

Immediately splitting the party when Akira/Yamato takes off after a kobold that bolted but the rest of us stay to loot the ones we beat, then follow a different tunnel.

Nothing especially eventful for most of the route that Blink, Durn, and Cial took except avoiding a small pitfall trap.

Yamato/Akira’s route, on the other hand, had an ambush of like a dozen kobolds.

Switching between us and Act doing our things like some kind of action comedy sequence as we’re talking to a newly found NPC, Nighttail.

  ^ “Help me kill the Chief and let me take over, the rest of these guys will fall in line. You don’t need to kill everyone.” *Hard cut to Akira/Yamato literally setting fire to a group of kobolds with  magic match #2.*   ^ “I can get you around the traps in this area with almost no trouble.” *Cue failed stealth check as he walks into the line of fire for yet another group of kobolds* And so on and so forth.

Getting her out of the trash heap, giving her stuff back, then helping her get her pet velociraptor thing, Hack, back.

  ^^ “Roll knowledge nature.” *two nat 1s from Blink and Durn.*   - “The fuck is a lizard?”   = “Well, I think it has two legs.”

Everyone taking a moment to pet Hack.

  ^^ “Roll perception guys.”   ~~ “Uh oh.”   ^^ “You all notice you haven’t seen Akira in a while.”   ++ “You don’t say.”   = “Shit, we lost Fluffy.”

Hearing Act’s big fight down the tunnel fork we didn’t take before, which was a much shorter, easier trip than he had.

  ^ “Wait, your friend is in there? That’s the room we use to trick stupid adventurers into walking into a crossfire. It’s a complete dead end.”

The group snickering while we help wrap up the fight because the npc (and by extension, Theta) basically just called Akira/Yamato an idiot.

The repeated interaction:     - “I’m gonna throw a bomb!”   + “Try not to throw it at me again.”   - “That was one time! I panicked! I got shot!”   + “Yeah, you don’t see me with the friendly fire.”   = “No, because you tried to blind me with it.”   + “Listen, that is not the same.”   - “Maybe I’m still dazzled by color spray, but I don’t actually see much difference.”

Seriously, some variation of that argument was had at least 3 times each session between David, Act, and me.

  ^ “I’m sure you’re here to free the slaves my clan has taken as well.” Yes, we are absolutely here to do that. Definitely the main reason why we came.

Getting into a fight with the kobolds keeping the human slaves penned up and killing them all. (The kobolds, not the hostages, although we did have a brief scare with a missed shot.) Blink being deeply bothered by killing the one about to surrender because that’s what happens when you’re Good.

Durn and Akira/Yamato demolishing a group of rats that came up behind us as we were getting ready to lead the people back to town. Neither Cial or Blink even had a chance to react before they were all dead.

Week 4

Going deeper into the cave system and literally dropping in on a kobold while he’s fishing. Blink charging in and hitting him in the kneecap so hard he passes out. 

Cial touching things with his little crow feet. Standing on dead bodies and squishing his toes, dipping his feet into the water in the caves, at one point using his foot to save a teammate from falling into a pit, that sort of thing.

Foiling an ambush that would have dropped us into water traps with snapping turtles. Accidentally knocking one of the dead kobolds into the water and finding out that they were most definitely carnivorous snapping turtles.

Theta talking to himself to make NPCs interact. (That one is pretty much a given in every campaign.)

  = “I won’t argue with y’all about killing these guys since they were grabbing slaves, but since they’ll fall in line when we get Nighttail here put in charge, I’m sticking with nonlethal until we get to Chief Dicksplat.”   ^ “Hah! Yes, Chief Dicksplat!”

Blink is Tiny and can therefore occupy the same space as other creatures and it is in fact the only way he can land a melee attack. However, when using a sling, it is not recommended. For example, he might miss and accidentally almost break Durn’s kneecap. That is not hypothetical. He felt terrible.

  - “It’s okay, it’ll heal. (–) And I’d be a real jerk if I kept bringing it up.”   ++ “Listen.”

The party briefly splitting up again to check the room, thankfully not going very far this time.

Cial apparently being Blink’s lucky charm when it comes to finding sweet sweet loot. Or vice versa. Either way, they found the armory.

  ~ “The rest of you guys can take what you like, but I’m keeping the masterwork longsword and selling it.”   = “I could use it, but that’s cool. Dibs on the sling bullets though. All 120 of them. Plus a backup sling cause there’s 4.”

Cial dejectedly passing the sword off to Blink cause he can use it and it’s also better than his mace, plus Cold Iron is good against demons. Blink has a thing about demons.

Returning to Yamato/Akira and Durn to find an ancient kobold on his deathbed with long-term storyline info.

Theta playing the audio for said info, someone’s mic picking it up on discord, and creating an echo which made the foreboding exposition about 10000% more fuckin foreboding. Couldn’t have planned that shit. Unfortunately it made him basically impossible to understand, but Theta kindly transcribed it into the chat too.

Durn checking a closed but unlocked room ahead of us while stealthed and finding a dead-end room full of gigantic dire rats. Immediately needing them as pets.

  + “Does he see these rats at like… puppies or something?”   = “Probably more like how humans see monkeys.”   + “… How the hell do humans see monkeys? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a monkey. Pretty sure any monkey back home would have been made lunch immediately.”   = “Well I’ve gotten compared to little ones with mixed reactions. My guess is they usually think they’re cute judging by the fact they called me "freaky bald blue monkey thing.”   + “That… doesn’t seem like a sign of affection. But I can see your point, sorta.”   = “Well y'know, if they had to specify "freaky thing” they are not usually… blue and bald. With horns. And huge teeth. My impression is they’re supposed to be cute and funny. And before you get smart with me, I know that I’m very much not cute or funny.“   + "Did… did anyone else here an explosion?” (Durn was using some of his alchemy bombs.)

Half an hour later, Durn walking out with one drugged, slightly dazed, but loyal dire rat, now named Pickles. (Blink’s suggestion, made at random.)

Almost immediately walking into another crossfire booby trap.

  ^ “Did he just hit me with one of our bullets?”

  ~ “Lemme just straddle Blink here so I can line up my shot.”   == “Kinky. Or it would be, if there was anything to straddle.”

Having the party drag me along by my tail after that fight so I can set up macros for my new sword in roll20 and immediately coming up against a miniboss. Who summoned skeletons. That have high resistance to piercing and slashing damage. Like a sword would do. But are weak against bludgeoning damage. Like a mace would do. Like the mace that I had just unequipped and put in my bag.

  ^^ “Akira, you recognize the spell she just used as a protect spell that increases her AC against good-aligned characters.”   + “She cast protect good, not realizing that half of this party doesn’t give a shit and are just here for the money/adventure.”   - “Hah!”   ~ “Shit.”   = “Oh goddammit.”

“Nighttail” reminding us that since skeletons are undead, healing hurts them. Blink using one of his potions and finally damaging the skeleton he was up against.

  ^^ “The sorceress uses a spell and restores the hp of her minions.”   = “Well that just wasted my damn potion.”

Blink standing there basically just taking a beating so his skeleton doesn’t try and go after someone squishier.

  ++ “I’m gonna use my last match on her.”   ^^ “Alright. Aaand…. She made the save. She pats out the fire easily and gives you a dirty look.”   ++ “Well, fuck.”

The fight looking pretty grim until Nighttail and Hack charge in a second time (they missed the first time) and fucking skewer the sorceress beating our asses.

Blink basically immediately falling in love with her right there and being deeply confused and perturbed by this because this is a New Feeling he has no name for. When you spontaneously manifest fully formed and live for over a century and a half, you think you’ve got yourself figured out. New is nerve-wracking.

Cial getting dibs on her cloak of resistance, which Akira points out should have a big hole in it. GM rolls a d1 and says “nah dude, magic.”

  ^^ “Alright it’s late enough I’m not gonna add up all your experience for this run, but I know you all were really close to leveling so go ahead and start working on that and if you guys want we can roll for your next magic items.”

Blink got a Saddle of Transformation, which turns any creature you put it on into a horse, and the wearer can’t take it off by themself. Yes, it works on humanoids.

Durn got a Preservative Jar. “Anything placed in this jar enters stasis. Cannot hold anything bigger than a toad. Currently holds a toad.” 

Akira/Yamato got a Seed of Moon Ice. If dropped in a body of water, will “freeze” an area up to 20’ diameter. If swallowed, you die. If touched, save or die. Leaves awesomely frozen corpses that are not cold to the touch and never thaw.

Can’t remember for the life of me if Cial got one this run or what it was, but last time he got the Wand of Necromantic Cooking, which can enchant a corpse or cut of meat to cut, prepare, marinate, and cook itself. A slaughtered pig will seek out gravy to roll around in. Sausages will jump into the saucepan, and then seek out your plate when cooked. Which sounds awesome, I’d love that in real life.

Week 5

Late start by a few hours, partly due to scheduling, partly because I was the only good little cookie who actually did their dang leveling. (Admittedly I did that mostly because I didn’t wanna forget to do all the stuff I needed to switch over to the Titan Mauler archetype. When you’re Tiny, it pays to have bonuses against enemies bigger than you, because that’s pretty much everything we fight.)

While doing my changes, I double checked my weapon damage types. Apparently there were four slings for a reason. At least we know that for the next time we run into skeleleletons.

  == “I already did my character stuff, Theta, do I get a sticker?”   ^^ “Yes.”   == “Yaaayyyy, stickers!”

Akira/Yamato getting to level 3, meaning he gets his black blade, which is a sentient sword that’ll get more powerful and more full of itself as he levels. This took the form of a cane sword that he found in the base of the statue that the miniboss was praying at before she was so rudely impaled interrupted.

  ^^ “…And reflects the user’s personality.”   == “What? No, I’m a cane not a sword, that’s the other guy. Frankly I’m insulted you’d even insinuate such a thing.”   ++ “I… well shit. Yeah.”

Akira growing a second tail. The meaty crunching noise described was gross and disturbing.

  ~ “Should you be picking up the sword that came out of the statue that the evil sorceress was praying to?”   + “Pshh, it’ll be fine. It’s calling to me, I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to have this.”   == “In pathfinder game, sword seduce you.”

Finding the Guards of the Future, which initially intrigued us because Durn failed his stealth check and they didn’t immediately attack us.

The literal squealing in delight from me, Tobi, and David when a kobold baby darted out from behind the guards and hugged Durn, making him very homesick for his own siblings. (Admittedly the squealing was mostly me, and I’m counting it all as “in character” especially cause babies are a novelty for Blink.)

The guards warning us about a nasty trap up ahead in return for us leaving the babies alone. Seriously, this trap would have shredded us in a ball of fiery death. Instead, Durn disarmed it and we each got 3 flasks of Alchemist’s Fire.

Promptly using that fire on a handful of guards between us and the dungeon boss and setting like 4 of them on fire. It was nice that we were the ones who got to make the dramatic entrance for once.

Another instance where Theta played dialog from a character and the echo made it super foreboding, but also almost completely unintelligible. Thankfully another transcription was provided.

  == “Alright, I’m gonna use my detect evil spell-like, cause I get bonuses against evil characters.”   ^^ “Every enemy in this room is Lawful Evil.”   == “Yessssss. I’m gonna rage too, these guys are fucked.

Killing the guards that were on fire before the fire actually had a chance to do any damage.

Cial squishing his toes in burnt corpse.

Chief Roaghaz making illusion clones of himself, and me having the idea to ask if my detect evil would still show him or if all of them counted. Didn’t work, but it was a solid plan.

Blink yelling his permission to Durn to throw another flask of Alchemist’s Fire at the swarm of boss. That Blink was standing directly under.

  - “You sure?”   = “Do it!”   ^^ “Roll a reflex save, Momo… You dodge it and take no damage.”   = “Fuck yeah!”   ^^ “And three of the illusions disappear.”

Blink having the time of his damn life because of the rage, killing evil, and dodging friendly fire entirely unscathed for the second time that day. Less pleased about missing all his attacks of opportunity. (And I didn’t make any jokes about missed opportunities. Which feels like exactly that.)

  ^^ “Roaghaz’s teeth grow to immense size and he tries to take a bite out of Nighttail. He really seems to have it in for her.”   - “He’s a vampire!”   ^^ “No, it was all his teeth that grew, not just the two.”   – “Oh.”

Continuing to beat on Chief Dicksplat and wondering more than once how many hit points does this asshole have?

Theta talking to himself some more to make Nighttail and Roaghaz argue with each other while they fought.

Act (Akira/Yamato) using up his hero points to finally just fucking kill the bastard.

Finally just fucking killing the bastard.

The Guards of the Future coming in after the fight, relieved to find Chief Dicksplat dead and satisfied to put Nighttail in charge. Babby kobold happy to see Durn again.

  = “Well I was gonna butcher this guy here to add to my rations, but there’s guards and a kid here, so I don’t think I’m comfortable with that anymore.”   ^^ “The guards usher the child back to her room and Nighttail follows them to go and get things sorted out.”   == “Thank you.”   ~ “I can use my wand if you want, he’ll butcher himself.”   = “Nah, I’m good. This is my favorite part.” (Kval can eat pretty much anything and Evil is especially tasty.)

Getting like two rations’ worth of meat off of him while the others search his stuff, and finding dragon’s scales among his things. Definitely not foreshadowing.

Divvying up the Chief’s stuff between us, but Blink not really paying attention besides the cash because he didn’t really have anything he wanted. Akira/Yamato got a scroll to add to his permanent spellbook though, so that was cool. Basically an upgraded version of color spray, less thrilled about that.

Getting back to Lady Origena to explain the whole situation and ending up kinda babbling over each other. She’s not convinced until Cial steps in and explains in a concise manner that none of the rest of us were able to.

Akira/Yamato going back to talk with Bassy, the gnome woman from week 2 to regale her with the story, and the rest of us stocking up for our next adventure.

And that session wrapped up Chapter 1 of the long-term campaign. We did more for Week 5, but I’m gonna make that the beginning of next week’s post for the sake of keeping the next dungeon together.