#my studies bleed into a lot of my writing i fear

[non-un-topo]

The downside of writing an assignment about medieval masculinities is that it just makes you want to write when you have no time

[lemonlover1110]

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐅𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Sukuna

[Chapter 4] Expecting

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Pairing: Trueform!Sukuna x f!Reader

Warnings: Sukuna's an ass

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Sukuna visits you every night, trying to fulfill his duty. He’s doing his best to make it happen, but your womb is as bare as the day you met. It’s been three months since the day you showed up, and he’s been having sex with you nearly daily. You should be pregnant by now.

Yet, you’ve bled between the months. He’s been keeping track, after all, it’s his whim. You claim the bleeding is lighter than your usual lunar cycle, but that doesn’t signify anything for him… Perhaps you’re less fertile? It doesn’t make sense to him. Women don’t bleed while they’re pregnant, therefore you’re not expecting. 

He’s feeding you, clothing you, giving you luxuries that you could never afford in your lifetime– How dare you not fulfill his simple wish. He’s even helped your brother and helped your aunt in the process as well, he’s going above and beyond while you have done nothing for him.

He’s become increasingly harsh with you. He won’t dare to lay a hand on you, but he’s meaner than usual. He’s at times cruel with you, and while you try to understand that he’s just frustrated with the situation and lack of results, you get in your feelings about his behavior. Who wouldn’t be upset at the fact that a monster nearly twice their size is yelling at them over something they can’t control?

“King Sukuna will enjoy dinner with lady Kyoko tonight, my queen.” Uraume bows down before you. They’ve been giving you the announcement at least once a week. He’s rewarding her for your barren womb. You simply hum in response, barely even acknowledging them.

“Please tell Hina to make my dinner early, I want to rest soon.” You tell them before they leave the room. Sukuna told you that you wouldn’t receive any loyalty from the very beginning, therefore you’re not upset that he goes off with Kyoko when he pleases. As a matter of fact, you’re glad that he’s choosing to visit her tonight.

You try not to think about the situation, though it’s the only thing that pops up in your mind. He’s done what you’ve asked from him, he’s simply waiting on you now. He’s impatient, he won’t wait around on you forever. He’ll get tired of waiting soon, and you fear what will happen to you that day. 

“My queen.” You barely hear Hina coming into your room, so you’re startled when you hear her voice. She holds your tray of food, and you sigh at the sight. The food she makes is delicious each and every time, but you’re just not in the mood to eat tonight. Sukuna won’t let you rest if he knows you haven’t eaten; he wants the process to be as fast and as smooth as possible.

“Hina, do you also cook for Kyoko?” You question once she puts the tray of food down. She furrows her brows, trying to recall who Kyoko is. The name doesn’t ring a bell.

“I apologize, I don’t know who that is.” She responds, and it gives you a sense of satisfaction that the servant that tends to you goes nowhere near Kyoko. Though Hina is more of your personal servant than anything. 

Ever since the night she cooked for you, she’s been tasked with a lot more regarding you. She’s well studied, knowing how to read and write which made Sukuna force her to teach you. She keeps you company during your lonely afternoons, cheering you up while you wait for Sukuna to visit your room. You’re starting to see her as a friend, and the thought of Kyoko getting anywhere near her upsets you.

“Will you keep me company tonight?” You ask her, even though she doesn’t have much of an option. Your request is a command– Luckily for her, she doesn’t mind at all.

“Of course.” She answers with a subtle smile on her lips. She kneels before you, and waits for you to speak. She speaks when spoken to. She steals some glances your way, watching the way you eat the food that she made for you. You usually devour the meal, but it seems that tonight you’re eating with disgust. “Is everything okay? Do you need me to remake the meal?”

“I don’t have much of an appetite, my apologies.” You tell her, and she holds her breath. She hates to scold you but it’s her duty.

“You mustn’t apologize, my queen. King Sukuna would kill me if he were to hear your words.” She responds, and you’re about to mutter another apology due to your carelessness, but you hold back. You chuckle before giving her a slight nod. “What’s on your mind?”

“What makes a woman fall pregnant? Other than sex.” You ask her, and she’s taken back by your question. Her lips form into a straight line as she takes one good look at you. 

“Why would you like to know, my queen? You’re already expecting.” She says, and you furrow your brows. Hina has been by your side to see everything that’s been going on for the past couple of months, she knows that you’re not expecting. 

“Hina… This isn’t a joke.” You tell her, frankly a bit offended that she’s said what she said. She maintains the same serious expression, and you can’t make anything of it. “I’ve still been bleeding.”

“When my mother was pregnant, she bled. Granted, we had no idea but within seven months she had a healthy baby.” She answers. “It sometimes happens.”

“Babies come early.” You point out. Hina knows a lot, but you know your own body. If you were carrying a baby, you’d feel it.

“They do. But you’re also waking up nauseous, with tender breasts and you’re extremely fatigued throughout the day. I’ve been by your side enough to know.” She explains, and you chew on the inside of your cheek. Maybe you’re just sick, it doesn’t signify that you’re pregnant. “Plus you’ve been gaining some weight, it seems like a baby to me.”

“Let’s change the topic.” You end up saying, getting annoyed with her. She’s telling you what she’s noticed, yet you’re getting irritated with the mere suggestion that you’re expecting. You don’t want to get your hopes up in the case that you aren’t.

A week after Hina tells you that you’re expecting, you begin to feel all the symptoms that she mentioned but even worse than before. You think you’re just getting into your head, giving yourself false hope. You’re in your head a lot since Sukuna has stopped visiting you at night. He no longer asks for you to join him for dinner, and you can’t remember the last time you saw his face.

“Hina…” You begin, needing the opinion of someone else. She’s told you that you’ve been gaining weight, but you need her confirmation once again. 

“Yes, my queen?” Hina responds without wasting a second. She’s flashed by you, and she doesn’t even blink twice. It’s common for her to see you bare as she helps you get ready– Though being suddenly flashed is not usual.

“Am I gaining weight?” You ask her, and she nods in response.

“You are expecting.” She reaffirms you for the umpteenth time that week. It goes in one ear and out the other for you, and you’ll ask her in ten minutes once again. Hina walks over to you and tries to cover you with your robe, “Please cover yourself before someone walks inside.”

“Who’s going to dare–” You begin, cut off by the door to your room sliding open. Uraume walks inside, about to give an announcement but they take one good look at you. You’re thinking that they’re staring at you because you’re pretty much naked, and that’s only part of the issue. A subtle smile comes to Uraume’s lips.

“I shall tell him the news.” Uraume says, and you furrow your brows. What are they saying? Are they talking about the fact that you’re practically naked? It’s not anything crazy considering Hina is your servant and helps you with everything throughout the day.

“It’s not necessary.” You tell them, but they don’t listen to you and walk out of the room. It’s not a matter that requires Sukuna so why are they telling him this? Is Hina not supposed to see you bare? “What are they going to do?”

“Tell him the news that you’re expecting.” Hina fixes your robe, and you click your tongue. 

“How would they be able to tell? I don’t even have a bump, I’ve just gained some weight.” You say, and Hina lets out a chuckle. You still refuse to acknowledge it, but she can’t blame you. There isn’t a definite way for you to know. She just feels the energy the moment she steps anywhere near you, it’s too hard to ignore.

“We’ll see what King Sukuna says.” Hina tells you after she’s done dressing you up again. She’d make you more presentable, but she has a feeling that you won’t go out so there isn’t a need for it. She wants you to be as comfortable as possible.

Your body tenses up as you hear his loud footsteps approach the room. You feel as if you were a child about to get in trouble, even if you haven’t done anything wrong– Not to your knowledge at least. Hina bows down on the floor the moment Sukuna enters the room. You don’t give him the same honor, you don’t need to.

“Come here.” Sukuna doesn’t have to speak twice before you’re stepping towards him. You hold your breath when you’re before him, growing impatient as you wait for him to do something. A wicked smile forms on his face before he gleefully says, “It’s resonating.”

“What–” You begin as his hands go to your lower abdomen.

“He has a strong flow of cursed energy.” Sukuna points out, which leaves you confused. The statement isn’t meant for you though, you notice Uraume smiling before they bow down their head. “So much… It has to be twins.”

“Twins?!” You’re still denying the fact that you’re expecting, the mere suggestion that you’re expecting more than one baby is baffling. You try to take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. “How do you even know I’m pregnant? It–”

“Do not question me, woman.” Sukuna can’t even properly yell at you, as a weird feeling consumes him… Satisfaction, it has to be. He’s finally getting what he wants. “How did I not notice?”

“You haven’t–” Uraume begins but Sukuna turns his head to glare at them. They bite their tongue as Sukuna looks back down at you.

“You have to eat properly. I’ll overlook your every meal.” Sukuna says, which is overwhelming to hear. Dinner with Sukuna was already an experience, so you aren’t necessarily excited to have him watch you eat every meal. 

“Is that necessary?” You ask him, and Hina is surprised by your bold words. Though she guesses you can say whatever you’d like when you’re expecting Sukuna’s child. “I mean so far I’m eating well and everything–”

“I will be accompanying you.” He hates when he has to repeat himself, but he guesses he has no other option. He’s not going to harm you in any way, at least not when you’re clearly pregnant. “Uraume make the announcement, and set people to watch her.”

“Watch me? Am I a child?” You question, and he can’t help but chuckle. You truly are clueless, he can’t help but be amused.

“Someone will try to harm you. You’re so pathetic that you can’t fend for yourself, so I’ll assign someone to watch you.” Sukuna answers, and just as the words leave his lips, an idea comes to mind. Would he like to have you by his side all day and every day? Absolutely not. Does he want to ensure that you’re safe and his son(s) are alright? Yes. In that way he’ll also have the pleasure to rub it in everyone’s face that he’s having an heir. “I retract my order. I’ll be watching her.”

“King Sukuna, that’s not the best decision–” Uraume begins, thinking about your well-being considering Sukuna’s life is something that you’re not ready to see. You’ve been shielded from it the past couple of months, but he’s even worse than the being that he presents himself to be.

“I’ve made my decision and that’s final. Who are you to question my order?!” He raises his voice, which is the most extreme reaction that he’d give Uraume. If they were anyone else, they would’ve taken their final breath. Sukuna rolls his eyes before speaking again, “You, on the floor, make her something to eat. And you, Uraume, get to work on my food.”

“Yes, my king.” They respond in unison before walking out of the room, leaving you alone with Sukuna.

You aren’t sure what to do once you’re alone with him. Whenever you’re alone with him you proceed to have sex, but it’s too early in the day for that to happen. You’re not sure if it’s going to happen again, not when you’re already expecting.

“You’ve proved to be useful.” Sukuna comments, extending one of his arms for you to take, so you can walk with him to the dining room. You’re hesitant to take it, but you end up doing what he wants you to since you don’t need him to raise his voice at you. Walking alongside him is an honor for anyone, and you’re the first to do it– Not because he sees you as an equal, but because you carry something that is.

“How do you know that I’m expecting?” You question, which goes unheard by him. It’s not for the same reasons as Hina since Sukuna isn’t by your side to know that your body has been changing. You recall his words from earlier, though they make little to no sense.

“What do you want?” Sukuna asks you, and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion, looking up at him. “You must want a gift considering you’ve partially fulfilled your duty.”

“Oh…” You respond. Your gift was him helping your brother and aunt, which he already has done. But he’s offering something more, which you’ll gladly accept. You just have to think about what you want. “Can I see my family?”

“No. Anything else?” Sukuna answers, and you sigh. You shake your head, you don’t want anything else for the time being. “Jewelry is what your kind likes, no?”

“I guess.” 

“Then you’ll get jewelry.”

[fictionalsweethearts]

THE COMMISSION PT. 4 | SEVIKA X READER | ARCANE

'The Commission' series: pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4, epilogue.

Synopsis: You've been her personal mechanic for two years, but your growing reputation in the field has earned you dozens of clients and commissions. Sevika was looking for something fresh, durable and of good quality, and when it came to her sexual appetite, she only accepted the best. So she turned to you for a special commission.

Contains: arcane!sevika, feminine reader, lesbians, lots of dialogues, arcane universe, cannon sevika, mechanic!reader, wlw, slow burn baby 💋, several parts btw, nsfw, smut, fingering omgg

If you're underage, be responsible and don't consume smut content. I AIN'T YOUR MAMA TO SPANK YOUR ASS.

Word count: 5,384 (yes, things HAPPEN in this chapter)

Note: English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any mistake in my writing. Enjoy!

Two years earlier

"I'm fine." Sevika murmured, in a tone that could scare anyone away. Except you.

Third day in a row you slept in Zaun's main square, you were cold and your stomach was asking for a more substantial dish than the cookies you could afford. You smelled of street, oil and rain, you were risking everything to get some money and sleep under a roof today.

Many warned you about Sevika, it was better not to mess with her or even show your nose, unless you were proposing a card game, a business or you were a lady-in-waiting. You were none of the three, but you trusted what your hands and your tools were capable of. You held the toolbox, keeping an upright posture even though inside you feared ending up in a dumpster or bleeding to death in the middle of the Last Drop.

"Your arm seems to need a checkup." You insisted. "I know the model, I assume you've had it for about five years, yeah?"

Sevika frowned, putting down the cards and letting out a puff of smoke. She didn't look convinced, more irritated. You insisted.

"I don't charge much."

Sevika flicked her eyes up and down your form, her expression stern. She had seen you before - a street rat, hanging around the less salubrious parts of the city. You were skinny, dirty, and reeked of poverty. You had no business approaching her, let alone with such audacity.

"And what makes you think you can fix it?” she scowled, her voice as harsh as sandpaper. "You some kind of mechanic?”

"Yes." you said, noticing the way Sevika was studying you. You couldn't call her out, you had to swallow your pride in order to swallow a decdent meal later, if everything goes right. "I used to work at Benzo's pawn shop, fixing unused appliances. I brought fine pieces back to life." you said, your eyes flickering to Sevika's mechanic arm. "Like yours."

Certainly Sevika was not pleased with your audacity, she was forced to answer for Silco to idiots, drug addicts, gang members and murderers, so you were just another one to add to the list.

"Used to?" she grunted, her eyes narrowing as she took another drag on her cigarette. "What, you get fired or something?"

"He's dead." you reminded her, knowing damn well Silco's goons were behind that.

Yes, you were bretraying yourself and your past by turning to Sevika to offer your services, but your situation wasn't getting any better. Not with a dead father, an absent mother, and debts to deal with. You should have known better, gambling leads to no good, neither does the air of Zaun. You fell victim to both, the first killed your father, the second probably killed your mother, you weren't sure. And the debt collectors were breathing down your neck.

She eyed you for a moment longer, her gaze weighing your worth. You were desperate, that much was obvious. And she couldn't help but see an opportunity in that. "Alright," she grunted, her voice gruff. "Let's say I let you take a look. What's it gonna cost me?"

You huffed, you were losing dignity there. "A meal." you shrugged. "And a sip of whiskey if you're feeling generous. But I assure you, I do a fine job."

"You'll get your meal and your shot of whiskey," she grumbled, knwoing she would regret giving you a chance. "But if you don't do a damn good job, I'll rip your pretty little head off."

"My head will stay above my shoulders..." you stated. "And your arm, brand new." you added.

Sevika raised her eyebrows, giving the guard a signal to let you come over and take a seat next to her on the couch. You had little time to prove that your offer was not talk but fact. You opened the toolbox, taking out a screwdriver to begin taking apart the arm and separating the pieces. The supply of Shimmer on top seemed novel, but predictable. You knew what to do

As you progressed with your work, Sevika's first impression about you began to crumble. Beneath the hollow cheeks and dark circles under her eyes was a beautiful girl intent on her task, with attentive eyes, deft fingers, and latent confidence. The woman then began to ask questions, hoping to intimidate you.

"How old are you, anyway?"

"Twenty-six."

"So young, and already out on the streets?" she grunted, her voice carrying a hint of mockery. "What, your parents throw you out or something?"

"They're dead." you mumbled. Sevika was holding her card with her flesh hand, still gambling while you were attending her prosthetic arm.

Your confession did not move her, having parents alive and present in Zaun was a privilege. However, her curiosity only increased. "Orphan?"

"You could say so." you said, glancing at the disassembled parts, studying the system of Sevika’s arm. The thermal paste needed changing, luckily you had some on you, the seals needed oil too, and some of the gears could use replacing.

"So you're just a street rat then," she said bluntly. "No family, no friends, nowhere to call home."

"Rat." you huffed. "I'm prettier than that." you might have been hungry, skinny and dirty, but you were a lot smarter and prettier than a goddamn rat.

"Maybe," she smirked. "But you still smell worse than one."

As Sevika took the time to mock you, your eyes were split between the arm and the opponents' play. You were sure that Sevika was taking a big risk by continuing to allow the cuprier to keep adding cards to the deck. "Stand," you whispered. "You're too close."

Sevika raised her eyebrow, planning to ignore you, however your comment didn't seem to be wrong. She let out a sigh before raising her hand to the cuprier. With that, the man turned over his cards. "Seventeen." The man said, to which you looked with pleased eyes at Sevika's nineteen.

"Agh, for fuck's sake." groaned one of the opponents, losing the bet. Blackjack was quite unpredictable, but you advised Sevika well; she hit the jackpot.

She chuckled, turning to look at you with a mix of surprise and respect. "Well then, not bad," she said, her voice gruff but impressed. "You really know your stuff."

"The rat's useful." you mumbled. "I have a name, though."

"I haven't asked your name." she replied, as she placed her just won chips on the pile.

"I rather you to remember the quality of my work than my name." you stated, assembling the arm back on Sevika. You turned the last screws, applied oil to the parts, and finally inserted the supply of Shimmer into the shoulder compartment, clicking your tongue. "Set and done, miss."

As the arm connected to her system, Sevika immediately noticed the fluidity of the gears and the restored sensitivity of the metal fingers. She flexed her arm and stretched it out, looking at you with a half-smile. It was all she would give you, along with an, "And here I thought I would rip your head off."

Before you could accept the praise wholeheartedly, there was this sudden commotion in the club. Another bastard too immersed in Shimmer to contain himself had entered, knocking out the guards with just the touch of a hand, and actually, knocking down everything in his path.

Fuck.

Sevika tensed, eyes flickering to the situation. She recognized the signs of a Shimmer-induced maniac, and knew damn well the trouble that could follow.

"Gods," she growled under her breath. "Not this bastard again."

Sevika quickly rose from her seat, her eyes watching the Shimmer-fueled maniac with a steely glare. It was only a matter of time before he would turn his attention to the rest of the bar, and Sevika knew she had to act fast. One of the other players had already fled, hiding behind the wall near the bar. The other stood frozen in fear, unable to speak or move. But you remained calm, your eyes on Sevika, awaiting her next move.

Sevika looked more irritated than alert, she moved her mechanical arm and walked towards the purple beast in front of her, her bearing filling the entire place, her confidence latent. You watched the fight unfold with a smile, the arm worked like a charm and there was no denying that you did a great job, especially when Sevika pulled the opponent’s leg against her and her elbow landed on the knee joint, bending the limb at an unnatural angle, followed by a punch capable of sending him flying through the air and landing in front of the bar. You drank from her glass, watching the guards carry the unconscious opponent away and Sevika letting out a sigh. The music began playing again.

Sevika raised an eyebrow, and by then you had realized that it was a habit of hers, and before scolding you for your attitude and your audacity in drinking from her glass, the woman called for the waiter. "Bring the girl dinner, and a glass of whiskey." she mumbled.

"I like it with soda," you added, smiling pleased from the couch.

Sevika rolled her eyes. "With soda," she said.

When you had already filled your stomach and calmed your nerves with a good whiskey, Sevika reappeared through the door. She had disappeared during your dinner, but returned to the room with a small bag of coins between her fingers and a less cold look than before; you could read the ambition on her face.

"For the arm repair," Sevika said, placing the pouch next to you on the table. To it, she added a small card with an address and the Silco symbol on the bottom, known as the "Eye of Zaun."

You knew that card was your golden ticket.

"This..." she said lowly. "Is a way to keep yourself fed and off the streets, if you're interested."

As you nodded, Sevika leaned in to whisper in a tone that made you shudder. Her scent of tobacco wafted into your nose, her closeness overwhelming. "Report to this address tomorrow at 8. Not a single minute later. We'll talk business when the time comes."

"Yes, ma'am." you said, making Sevika grin.

"Sevika." she said. "I am not into formality."

With that, she walked away, leaving you with a job opportunity and a pouch full of coins.

You did it. You fucking did it.

And tomorrow you would prove that your actions weren't just talk but pure merit. You counted the coins, it was enough for a hotel room and half of what you owed Horner. You smiled, he's always been good faking a Shimmer overdose.

As the days went by, you went from rat to girl. You met Silco, you closed a deal for private services to the organization, you took care of the maintenance of machinery, clothing and weapons. You were a full-time worker, you spent your hours within the four walls of the workshop, living off of coffee, bread, fruit and whiskey. Sevika watched you from the beginning, it was the task that Silco had entrusted to her; "Keep an eye on the girl, make her work and keep her mouth shut."

And that's what you did.

When the time came, you went from girl to mechanic. The workshop was not only your workplace, but your temple. Silco allowed you to accept external orders, you began to build a business that not only gave you autonomy, but also colored your cheeks, filled out your muscles and gave you the beauty that poverty had taken from you.

It was then that you went from mechanic to sweetheart. And Sevika forced herself to keep her distance, but the numerous appointments to check her arm, the jokes, the glances and the talks had loosened this armor against you. Now you ate full dinners, steaks, roasted vegetables, drank lemonade and replaced coffee with Shimmer, with Sevika as your only provider.

That was her mistake.

She thought she had done you a favor by providing you the doses. You worked better, your efficiency was through the roof, your performance impeccable. But that night, seeing you unconscious on the floor of her office, surrounded by paramedics and pale as snow, Sevika knew that you ended up like this because of her.

Her fault. Her damn fault.

"You've allowed this." said Silco, dragging from his cigar. He seemed quite unbothered by the situation, considering your incident as another problematic worker that couldn't control herself. All businesses have causalities, however, this wasn't just any. "She wasn't supposed to be at your office."

Your inert eyes, the way your body lay languid, a purple substance coming out of the corner of your mouth as if your insides were melting, the paramedics trying to revive a being whose life was hanging by a thread. It was a nightmare.

"She's dead." The paramedic said.

Dead.

Dead.

You died for her.

Because of her.

"Ah!" Sevika sat up suddenly, a drop of sweat wetting the back of her neck when her eyes landed on the halo of moonlight that was leaking through the window. She had dreamed of the accident again.

She wiped the sweat from her neck with a quick gesture and took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing thoughts. Just a dream, she told herself, just a damn dream.

Sevika didn't even stop to put her mechanical arm on, which was resting next to her bed, but left the room at a quick pace and uncovered your sleeping figure on the living room couch.

You were fine.

You were curled up on the couch, your bandaged wrist resting next to your face, serene and calm. Your breathing reminded Sevika that you were still alive, even though you threatened to die on the old wooden floor of her office a month ago. But you were too stubborn to die from an overdose. You shifted in your spot, the breeze biting at your skin in the absence of the blanket over you, and when you opened your eyes you found the immense silhouette of Sevika before you. You screamed.

Sevika winced at your sharp cry, her hand reaching out instinctively to cover your mouth, to silence the sound before it echoed through the apartment.

"Shhh!" she hissed, her eyes darting towards the main door. The last thing she needed was for someone to think she was murdering someone in there.

"Quiet, quiet," she whispered, her hand still firmly over your mouth. "You'll wake the whole damn block with that shrieking."

Your heart skipped a beat before connecting two coherent thoughts and realizing it was Sevika. The woman pulled her hand away. "Fuck, don't stand in front of me like that again," you gasped. "I thought it was the grim reaper."

She took a step back, giving you some breathing room. "Believe me, he must have more important things to attend to," she said, her voice still low. "Just came to check on you. Didn't mean to scare you like that."

You sat up, reaching out to turn the oil lamp on. Sevika was still on her tank top and boxers, it was unusual to see her without the prosthetic arm. "I'm fine." you said. "You could've came to check in the morning, damn... what time it is?" you asked.

It's three," she replied, her tone still hushed. "Go back to sleep, girl. I just... wanted to make sure you were alright."

The lamplight outlined Sevika's silhouette, you could see the sweat on her neck and a certain pallor on her face. You assumed it was another nightmare, you already knew about them, but you avoided bringing them up because every time you did, she would shut you up with an "I'm fine, girl, go to sleep."

You watched her walk towards the balcony, a pack of cigarettes in her hand and a deep sigh leaving her lips. When she had the cigarette between her lips, you were suddenly beside her, lighting it up. “What’s really going on?” you asked.

"Can't a woman just enjoy her smoke in peace?" she grumbled, taking a drag from the cigarette. But there was no real malice in her voice, just a touch of weariness. She leaned against the balcony railing, the metal cool beneath her bare arm.

You sighed, coming up against a wall again. Sevika was impenetrable, so much so that you didn't know what was going through her mind unless she said it, and you could certainly assume it had to do with her nightmares, but you didn't dare to intrude on her fears. Still, you stayed next to her on the balcony, your stomach aching as the first sign of withdrawal.

The first few days were atrocious, you trembled and vomited every hour, you believed that dying was more pleasant than enduring such nausea and fits of anger and pain. However, Sevika stood firm by your side, brought you to her apartment and such a nurse, kept track of your symptoms and silenced them with the medicines the doctor had prescribed you. More than once, she stayed next to you on the couch, talking to you about trivialities or reading a book until the sleeping pill took effect and you could sleep. Only then did Sevika allow herself to stroke your forehead and relive the guilt of the accident.

Sevika had lived long enough to witness the effects of Shimmer on people. It didn't just destroy wills, it destroyed bodies and minds. The mutations from overuse of Shimmer were morbid and grotesque, luckily you didn't experience any, but that didn't make seeing you on the office floor, languid, pale, with your eyes open any less terrifying. Silco saw Sevika lose her temper for the first time in his life.

"I shouldn't have let you take those doses," she finally muttered, the words coming out with a hint of gravel in her voice. "I should've found a different way. This..." she gestured to you, the signs of her failure still lingering in the bags under your eyes and the scars along your arms, "...this is on me. My fault."

So that's what it was all about; guilt. Sevika had learned to take the blame for other people, to take responsibility for other people's mistakes, and this time was no different. Yes, she made a mistake by giving you doses of Shimmer for two years, but you were the one who decided to relapse. And you took all the blame. "Nobody forced me to relapse that day, Sevika." you stated. "And nobody could've stopped me neither, not even you."

For a moment, she was quiet, mulling over your words, the smoke from her cigarette spiraling up into the night air.

“You shouldn’t be the one consoling me, girl,” she said finally, the vulnerability in her tone betraying her gruff exterior. “I should be the one taking care of you, not the other way around.”

"We both know that a worker isn't taken care of the way you take care of me," you stated, your words implying more than what they said.

"You've never been a mere worker for me," she stated, letting out a puff of smoke, moving away into the air. Zaun was quiet, as if the city had stopped the day you nearly died. "Sometimes I can't stand you, you don't know when to back off."

You reached for her cigarette, taking a drag. "I never learned to back off."

“Of course, you didn’t,” she said, a note of resignation in her voice. “You’re as stubborn as they come. Should’ve known from the beginning that I’d have my hands full with you.”

And here you were, two years later, sleeping on her couch and making her coffee in the mornings, refusing to die without proving once again that you are many things, but not a street rat.

You had already settled into a routine. Sevika would leave early in the morning, usually returning at noon to check on you. You always waited for her with a cigarette and a cup of coffee, you started adding a touch of whiskey when you realized she liked it. You used to keep the apartment clean, read the books Sevika kept, play with her cards and sometimes take out your tools and make crafts or repair unused items, even though Sevika had forbidden you to work until you had recovered.

"Your recovery comes first, girl. Go easy."

Sometimes you found yourself chatting with her on the balcony, taking drags from her cigarette and oiling her mechanical arm, before daring to ask how her day was, absorbing her worries and whispering a "you always put up with too much, Sev" afterwads, only for her to shrug and light another cigarette. Being her tenant had allowed you to see Sevika in a much more intimate setting, without the need to maintain the impenetrable facade. You watched her sleep, yawn, train, and even cook; your favorite was the mushroom stew with enhacium powder. It was quite the meal, always leaving you with a heavy stomach and a pleasant drowsiness, although your tongue took the brunt of the sting of the powder. Sevika could feel you starting to itch as your cheeks colored, and with a smile, she would hand you the lemonade.

You were embarrassed to admit it, even more so considering that the overdose could have killed you, but you were grateful that circumstances led you to live with Sevika. Sometimes you wished you had done it sooner, but you remembered the way she reacted when you woke up in the hospital and regretted it.

"Don't you ever do that to me again, girl, understood? Never again." she said, agitated, holding your hand in hers.

You could never apologize enough to take the blame off Sevika's chest, so you just limited yourself to being a good roommate.

"Would you mind helping me with the painkiller?" you asked then, placing the cigarette between Sevika's lips. Despite having started the methadone treatment more than a month ago, it still gave you the shivers to handle the syringe.

"Of course," she said simply, her voice a mix of gruffness and understanding. "Let me do it."

You two sat down on the couch, Sevika holding the cigarette between her lips as she wrapped the elastic around your arm and tightened it. You didn’t admit it out loud, but ever since you’d been staying at Sevika’s apartment, your favorite time of day was when she helped you with the methadone. You loved the way her eyes focused on you, her thumb gently searching for your vein, commanding you to close your fist, then after piercing your skin, whispering “there you go,” pulling the needle back out before caressing the mark with her finger and purring “good girl.” She made you feel special, you were pampered by a woman who didn’t pamper anyone, and it was exhilarating in the most unusual way.

You thought you could take a thousand injections if it meant continuing to be Sevika’s good girl.

"Easy as pie," she said, her voice a rough whisper. "No pain, no drama." she added, disposing of the syringe in the trash can.

You watched her put out her cigarette in the ashtray, expecting her to sit next to you and wait for you to fall asleep like she always did. You had gotten used to hearing her voice by now. Just then, the first hit of the drug bathed you. It was always the strongest, however after a few weeks, the dose had decreased and only gave you a pleasant drowsiness.

"You're getting sleepy." she said. "Good."

Sevika watched as your eyelids fluttered shut, your body slumping back against the couch. The drug had done its work, a gentle drowsiness seeping into your limbs and calming your nerves. You felt an arm wrap around your waist, Sevika lifted you over her shoulder and carefully carried you to her bed. "It's too damn cold in the living room," was her excuse, even though you didn't ask for one. The bed was still warm, wide and the sheets smooth. Sevika wasn't lying when she said she prefers her whiskey neat and her bed soft.

She turned off the lamp, snuggling up to you, keeping a prudent distance that at the moment seemed ridiculous to you. "Do I scare you?" you teased her.

"Scare me?" she huffed. "Don't flatter yourself."

"Come closer then." you said, pushing your luck just enough. And Sevika seemed to give in.

You rested your head on her chest, allowing yourself to inhale her scent and feel the beat of her heart; it was slow, imposing, just like her. Sevika frowned, ignoring the urge to bury her nose in your hair and entwine her legs with yours. You heard her sigh, you were dozing off by then. "Rest, girl, you need it."

Sevika wasn’t the best early riser, but she woke up in a better mood that morning. A hand around your waist, her nose on your neck as if your scent alone had calmed all her nightmares, and it did. You were still asleep, comfortable and serene while she spooned you, unaware that Sevika pulled you close to her, taking in your cleavage from where she was; your shirt had shifted in the night, revealing more of your skin.

Look away, Sevika, get a grip.

Sevika sighed against your neck, knowing she was treading unfamiliar and inappropriate territory, but she couldn't help it. Her hand found the edge of your tank top, pulling it down just to reveal your breasts; smooth, tender and full.

No, she shouldn't, but... she wanted to? Absolutely.

Her lips found the sensitive area of your neck, trailing kisses and nips down to your shoulders and collarbone, daring to squeeze one of your tits between her fingers. You shifted on your place, the air biting on your bare chest managed to draw your attention and Sevika pulled her hands off, as if she was spooked of herself.

What the hell am I doing?

"Mhm..." you uttered, your hand seeking for Sevika's, bringing it back towards your chest. "Don't stop." you whispered, your eyes still closed.

Sevika gulped, a rush of adrenaline coursing through her body as she reached out again, catching your breast between her fingers and massaging it gently, peppering kisses down your neck, your cheek, your shoulder. You felt her abdomen press harder against your back, you shifted your ass against her, half asleep but perfectly aware of what was happening, and you wouldn’t let her stop.

She grunted against your neck, her hand squeezing harder your breast. "Don't move," she growled softly, her breath hot against your ear. "Stay just like this."

You moaned, your hand reaching her cheek, urging her to touch you, to kiss you. Your eyes fluttered open as she ran her hand down your stomach, teasing your lower belly, down to your legs, the inner side of your thighs. "Sev..." you purred.

"I'm here," she whispered against your ear. "I've got you."

"Shit." you whimpered, your eyes shutting once she slipped her hand into your shorts, settling between your legs. That's all you needed to fully wake up. "Ah, god." you panted, feeling her fingers against your slick.

"You're so wet for me, aren't you?" she breathed against your ear, her words sending a shiver down your spine. She pressed kisses along your neck, her teeth grazing your skin. "Yes, you are."

As much confidence Sevika showed, the truth was that inside she was shaking with fear. She was crossing a line she had imposed on herself when she met you two years ago, and she had never felt so out of control as she did now. It wasn’t just your moans, it was your scent, your heat, the idea that she was the one who gave you the opportunity that night at the club and now you were lying on her bed, squirming under her hand. She forged this situation from the moment she laid eyes on you, not knowing that you intended to end up in this position ever since she leaned in and her tobacco scent filled your nostrils. You intended to work for Sevika, to be her confidant, her best partner and above all… to become her weak point.

You pulled your head back, moaning as Sevika parted your legs and eased a finger inside you, licking your ear. "Sleeping on my couch, playing with my cards, wearing my clothes while I'm gone; all you've done to end up here." she mumbled, easing a second one, knowing you could take it.

"Yes, I... I did it." you whimpered, gripping the sheets between your fingers.

"You were testing me." she stated, biting on your neck. "Always pushing my buttons to see when I would give in."

You knew Sevika wasn't just playing around with you when she rubbed the heel of her hand against your clit, already swollen and sensitive for her. The room was filled with the obscene sound of your slick, your moans and Sevika's words. "Legs apart." she commanded. "You never learned to follow instructions, learn now." she said.

"Yes, ma'am." you whined, before Sevika chuckled.

"Didn't I tell you I'm not into formality?"

She could never forget the details of the time they met, no. Not when she was the one who saw you enter the club with your toolbox, your tired eyes, your steely confidence. Not when she was the one who asked Silco for a job opportunity for you and paid you with her own coins. Not when she chose you, for herself, from the first moment.

You were hers from the beggining, and somehow you knew it.

Her hand continued to work between your legs, her fingers moving expertly, making pleasurable heat pool in your belly. "You can pretend to be tough all you want, but when you're with me, you're not."

Your legs were locking around her hand, your breathing quick and ragged as Sevika sped up the motion of her fingers. Fuck, you were starting to shake, that tickling sensation settling in your stomach.

"You and your insolent mouth, your smug smile…" she whispered. "I wanted them for myself, I always did." You shifted, knowing that if Sevika had the mechanical arm on, she would already be choking you. However, you felt her move over you, trapping you against the mattress.

"Sevika… I'm…" you mewled, realizing you were on the very edge. "Huh, please..."

"I know." she smiled, as she laid above you, her hand firmly working on your throbbing pussy. "Now kiss me, pretty girl. Earn it."

You cupped her cheeks, kissing her as much as your moans would allow, tasting the tobacco on her tongue, her teeth between your lips. Sevika kissed like she walked, and that was saying a lot. You pulled back, realizing the trembling of your legs was the hint of an orgasm you couldn't contain. "Oh... god...!" you cried against her lips before you dove into the sensation.

And you melted.

Sevika leaned down to kiss your chin, your neck, totally in love with your whimpers and trembling lips, your smell of sweat, your juicy pussy. You barely rode the high when Sevika kissed your belly, a hand tracing fingers on your knee as her mouth hovered over your core. "I could lick it off of you, y'know?" she smirked.

You were in no position to ask or deny anything, but Sevika was in the perfect position to tempt you and play on your desire. “If only I didn’t have that meeting with Silco in…” she glanced at the clock beside the bed. “Ten minutes.”

Oh, no.

"Ten minutes is more than enough." you said, even though it sounded like a plea.

But Sevika chuckled, leaning to place a kiss on your lips. "I don't rush things when I eat a pretty girl out." she stated, leaving the bed.

You propped yourself up on your elbow, staring at Sevika with your lips apart. Unfazed, she took the mechanical arm and connected it to her shoulder, glancing at you with a rose brow.

"Wait for me with the coffee ready," she said, walking to the dresser to get ready. "I'll finish what I started, sugar, don't worry."

To be continued...

taglist: @lez-zuha @amoraeu @nikaachuuuu @furrytaesss @elliecoochieeater @n-noctiss @emmanetalias @sevikashairbrush @lipglosskxsses @chaosfieldflower @kairuvhen @moodient @izzy120 @bonemarrowstew @abbysunderwear @batman-2 @karmalovessimonriley @fandomsinthegalaxies @fudosl @femme-historian @poprostuhybryda-blog @kifuqe @xblinkx2 @tamikahoshiko @lia-winther @https-mika @armeenix @bambishaven @xblinkx2 @luvg1s3l1e @dopemusiccowboy @imheadintothemountains @lilithyys @soullessbody @lavendersgirl @lovesickdreamer @makaylaislovely @demonofpuns @celestialst4r @ilovehotd @emmanetalias @bethany-l87 @marah280 @srtuna @jannesyjane @victoriaanne9 @rottngrl3 @depressedqueersocialists @slut4sevika @fragilsnoopy @stmvivs @sillystarv @vyvvycg

Also, I haven't stopped to thank u all for your reception of this series. It makes me absolutely happy you girls like it so far! Thank u all <3

[restricted-on-13th]

How to Train Your Ghost (still trying to find an appropriate title)

Low-key inspired by a lot of fanarts and highkey inspired by areaper au I found that's pitch pearl in the fanfiction.net. This is my 2nd time writing this idea (since ive been thinking of it for the.....past 18 hours), my draft got accidentally deleted and I am mad (wrote the first draft sleep deprived and running on 30 minutes of sleep, still is running on 30 minutes of sleep, I'll visit this idea back after I get at least 4 hours of sleep and not low-key delirious, yes I still am low-key delirious) forgive me if i dont explain well or my horrendous punctation and grammas, i know. ill just word vomit/narrate/write my prompt/story/thoughts. ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

Tags: Human Danny (more like liminal but hes not a halfa, he does have powers though but much more altered and weaker for his squishy human body but if its a more ghost power, well, he doesnt have it), Danny Fenton is a ghost hunter, Danny Fenton has a scythe, No trio trio-ing here (Sorry, Sam, Tucker and Danny aren't friends, maybe yet), Pitch Pearl (minor, slight, if you squint, platonic, Idk) Phantom is a dork, Phantom is a sin-ammon roll (.....), Phantom is learning all about Life and Humans (mostly humans), Secret Identities, No One Knows

I found the fic I took inspo from! Do mind that while it may look very similar (probably at the first) I have different plans for mine (ques the clues I left behind and the glaring title) but still feel free to check out their work!

Just Like the Story by Kitsune's Dark Shadow

___________________________________________

Danny probably didn't die in his parent's portal last week on Wednesday, he thinks. He was pretty sure that he was still breathing when he crawled out of the portal, feeling the warm breathe he feels his lungs exhale on the cold ceramic tiles of the lab's floor bringing no comfort to his charred flesh as he stares at the swirling green of the portal, feeling hollow inside as he felt that something was taken from him.

Even though he could feel phantom pain on every nerve of his body all the way to Monday, the first day of school, he chalked it up to being electrocuted by at least a million volts in his body when he unwittingly slipped and press the on button inside the machine. Why there's an on button inside a portal? Danny unfortunately knows how it was mistakingly built inside.

But aside from the near death painpainI'mscaredhelpHelpMe, it stands to reason that for a teenager, such triffling matters were thrown into the metaphorical trash bin for more important matters. Like the A-listers, his studies, space and finding friends cause he's so terribly lonely, just wanting to not be seen as a freak. So it really isn't Danny's fault that he forgot about that one Wednesday noon, he was and still is busy trying to find his place in Casper High, determined to find one friend who would like him. Who wouldn't leave him due to him being Danny Fenton, son of deranged scientists believing ghost exists, the local freak of Amity and the lonely loser of Casper High.

He would have forgotten about it until he woke up floating from his bed, face first in the ceiling. Doing the approximate of a reverse dive into his week and remembering that one Wednesday brought the memories fresh, clear and crisp back to his newly (already) traumatised teenaged brain.

___________________________________________

Soft moonlight streamed down from the covered moon as the dewy grass below is disturbed, a floating glow of a silhouette dashes through the forest. Panting as blobs of green dripped from its wounds, gripping its sluggishly bleeding arm. It muttered "No...No...No.....No" as it ran for its afterlife, scared at something that was following it. Blue lights hallowed in green with little flecks of it across it iris narrowed as it captured and saw its target.

The ghost immediately ducked, the wind whistling as though something flew through the air. The ghost screamed in fear as they came into a clearing, sudden whips of air came and dropped in front of the ghost, effectively blocking it from its escape.

A large black scythe stood in front of the ghost, nothing of note to its design but only the tiny flecks of dark green stars across its blade. The ghost stared at the weapon in fear and apprehension as the moon sifting to the forest below slowly peeked around the clouds.

A shadow hovered and blocked the moonlight as the ghost stilled. Green eyes slowly looked up, following the handle of scythe and stopped at a figure above. Foot firmly placed on the handle of the scythe while still holding it, a boy looked down at the ghost.

Black whispy hair framed the boy's face, wind swept and frazzled from the chase. A long single white tuff of hair was partially hidden by a crocheted black and white headband, a striking difference to his dark hair. Blue eyes hallowed in neon green with flecks of different shaded oof green dancing in his eyes like stars as he stared the ghost down.

His face was framed by the moon as he slowly moved and pointed a modified ecto-gun to the ghost's head.

The ghost whispered "Azrael..."

___________________________________________

Notes:

Danny goes by 'Azrael' while Phantom is Phantom, the only one with a secret identity here is Danny and Valerie. No one knows who Danny moonlights as or that Danny for one is ghost hunting, so no Jazz, his parents and since the thrio aren't friends, they dont know too. I dont know about Valerie, Vlad or the ghost population yet as I haven't planned that out yet. The No One Knows tag can be applied here and his...accident too.

I have plans on Phantom but treat him as an independent character from Danny, while he does have a correlation with Danny (soul bonded) other than his looks being an invertion of Danny's (likes Danny therefore copied his human looks), they're not the same person.

___________________________________________

Phantom: We're soul bonded! :D

Danny (holding a gun and his scythe while staring at the local hero of Amity): ....

*silently cocks gun at phantom*

___________________________________________

Notes:

Anyways, Danny being a ghost hunter doesn't mean he doesn't sympathise with ghost. (He's liminal) that's also where the 'Azrael' name comes. He guides the dead, like a psychopomp, and also protects humans from the ghosts and vice versa.

I have more ideas for him but.... I won't share :)

All in due time.

___________________________________________

Danny was slowly stalking down the road near the forest, brushing his upper lip and his hand coming away bloody. His hands tightly clenched as he gritted his teeth and gave a low snarl.

"Fucking Dash Baxter and his stupid-" he hissed lowly as he kicked a can to the bushes. He huffed as he clutched his bag when suddenly he heard something. He looked around, a bit confused and wary when he saw nothing, he clutched his bag closer to him as he quickly opened it and took out a modified ecto-gun.

One of his latest projects in his sudden venture into ghost hunting, he was proud of how much he was able to customised it to his liking. He heard another sound and quickly aimed at where he heard it, the same bush he kicked the can at.

He slowly creeped up to it, prickles of unease all around his skin. He knew he wasn't a professional ghost hunter, he's still new to the whole thing. The world of Ghost hunters is a cruel and cold place, its either being lucky enough to not find a quack to ally with or lucky enough to survive until you changed careers. It's especially much more harder for an aspiring un-allied ghost hunter that sympathises with ghosts to learn the ropes. No back up and No supervision means that Danny has to always be in high alert in case for a ghost attack.

A melodic tune came from the bush as Danny crept closer. Using the muzzle to nudge the bush to the side as Danny immediately aimed.

He stared down at the wide green eyes of an amorphous blob ghost with a little white tuff of hair on its head as it gave a tiny squeaky tune.

"Beewp?"

[em1e]

⠀ ⠀ ༝ i hate you for what you did, and i miss you like a little kid.

⠀ 一虎 // MOTION SICKNESS ⠀ ༝ ༝ kazutora hanemiya ⠀ ༝ ༝ 2.3k words ⠀ ⚠︎ angst + valhalla spoilers + IM SORRY ! ⠀ — he’s taller, now, hair bleached, but it’s still those same wide eyes that meet your own.

january 16, 2000 

baji and kazutora were constants in your life. 

being neighbors with baji left you trailing behind him like a puppy, and the idea of having someone as kind as you by his side made him happy - so despite his complaints and the bickering that always ensued between the two of you, he decided to keep you tucked away like a secret. 

and when he introduces you to kazutora, it’s another warm friendship melting easily with the first. 

and the three of you form an unbreakable bond, with the promise to always help each other when in need. kazutora would spend more time in your house than his own, and your parents take him in easily. it’s a taste of love he’s never felt, and when he lays on your bedroom floor next to a sleeping baji, he finds it hard to fall asleep with that feeling swelling deep in his chest and taking root under his heart. 

august 22, 2003 

it’s baji who comes to your door late one night. who else, when his other half is in juvie as he tells you. 

you break into a sob at the news, and it’s baji who holds you with apologies falling off of his lips as if somehow he’s to blame for it all. 

he holds you until you wear yourself out, and stays with you when you beg him to through tears. another promise it made there, to never leave one another behind, and it’s a promise you intend to hold kazutora to once he’s released. 

baji rubs your back until you’re asleep, and he wonders if there was something he could’ve done to avoid this heartache; from seeing his friend carted away in handcuffs, from seeing you cry. he wishes he could go back, just for a moment, to change this outcome. 

september 12, 2004

you wrote to kazutora when you could, but never received any replies. baji caught you once in the middle of you preparing a life update, snatching the paper from your desk and holding it above your head when you reached for it. 

“give it back, baji!” 

he stands on his toes to keep it out of your grasp, and chifuyu grumbles from your floor something about that not being the study sheet we’re working on. 

“what’s this, a love letter?” he snorts, squinting to read the letters, “‘happy birthday kazu! baji and i miss you lots, even if he won’t say it outloud-’.” 

you stomp on his foot and snatch the letter away when he slouches in pain, glaring at him, “you’re such a dick sometimes.” 

“he never writes you back, i don’t know why you keep sending those.” baji huffed out, sitting on the floor beside chifuyu, “he probably doesn’t even get them.” 

“what does it matter,” you roll your eyes, placing the paper in a folder and leaving it on your desk, exchanging it for the aforementioned study sheet, “s’not like it’s anything to do with you anyways.” 

“it does,” he argues, despite the glare you send him, “my name is very clearly mentioned.” 

“i just don’t want him to think we’ve forgotten about him or don’t care about him.” you say finally, and the way your gaze falls on him leaves him looking away with a small fine, whatever. 

the tension that remains bleeds from the air and crawls under your skin, but chifuyu clears his throat and flips through the first few pages of the worksheet with a hum, “what the fuck is hydrolysis?” and that is enough to clear the air.  

october 20, 2005

two years pass and not a single letter is returned. 

some days you wonder if you should call the center, ask if maybe there was something wrong with what you’re putting in them as if that could be the reason he isn’t getting them, but the fear of knowing that not being the reason he won’t reply frightens you beyond belief. you want to ask the post office if there’s any way all one-hundred and six letters could have been lost in the mail or sent to the wrong place, but you’re all-too aware of the return address being labeled as your home. 

instead, you settle with the unknown. there’s no getting hurt that way, no way of truly finding out if he was ignoring you for all of two years. 

it’s not until you bump shoulders with a stranger outside of the market that you get to piece things together. you’d recognize that tiger tattoo from anywhere. 

“‘tora?” 

the bags you’re holding almost slip from your grasp, scrambling to free a hand to grab at his elbow and turn him around. he’s taller, now, hair bleached, but it’s still those same wide eyes that meet your own. you swallow dryly. 

“when- when’d you get out?” 

he tilts his head at you, earring chiming from the movement, “last week. thought baji would’ve told you.” 

“me too . . .” you’re hurt by the admission, he can tell. you clear your throat, “the letters i sent - did you ever get them?” 

“i did.” 

the confession is enough to break what little resolve you have, frowning, “unable to reply, or . .?”

“didn’t see the need, “ he hums out, straightening with a smile when he looks behind you. a glance over your shoulder and you see baji, sharp toothed grin faltering when his eyes find you. 

“what a nice reunion,” baji settles for when he finds himself standing beside kazutora, patting your head before wrapping an arm around kazutora’s shoulders, “should’ve planned a picnic or somethin’.” 

you shove at baji’s shoulder half heartedly, “why didn't you tell me kazu was released, you asshole. and what happened to your knuckles?”

he jerks his hand from your grasp when you grab for it, ignoring the hurt you hold in the furrow of your brow at his reaction. 

“huh? must’ve slipped my mind,” he pulls on kazutora’s shoulder, forcing him to turn, “anyways, we gotta go! have plans we just can’t miss.” he gives a wave as he walks away, kazutora in tow. 

you come home that night to a message from baji. barely able to finish reading it through your tears, but you’re able to get the basic understanding. 

kazutora and i decided we’re on different paths in life, so we’re cutting you out. 

the promise to stay together breaks apart by the seams with each tear that falls down your cheeks. kazutora never replied to your letters, didn’t even bother to look for you after he got out, and baji’s being ripped from your grasp. it feels like every piece of yourself you’ve been holding onto for the past two years is being brutally torn away from you with each second that passes, and for the first time in your life, there is no one there to help you hold it all together. 

november 3, 2005

you’d been planning his birthday for weeks before the actual date. despite the message he sent to you previously, you’d continued to prepare for something, even if he wouldn’t show up. 

except, that’s not the reason he doesn’t come. 

it’s chifuyu now, who distributes the bad news to you with a frown, and you want to tear down each decoration you’ve put around your home as if that’d undo the words that have left his lips. 

and when you crumble to the floor, it’s chifuyu who comforts you in a way that’s all too familiar, but never the same as before. you’d never feel that comfort again, nor the warmth that'd surround baji like a fire. you have to pry the details out of him, beg for anything he’s willing to give. how did it happen. was it painless. did he suffer. did he cry. who started it.

he answers to the best of his ability through his own tears, explaining kazutora stabbed him first but baji delivered the final blow to himself, and those words leave you folding in on yourself even more.

“kazutora’s in jail now for that, will be for ten years.” 

it’s like each new addition to the story is you taking punch after punch, and chifuyu is glad that little bit of information is last on his list - unsure if you can take anymore hits. you’re practically gasping for air by the end of it, and with some effort, chifuyu is forcing you to sit up, forcing you to take a second and just breathe. 

he only goes home when the reality of it all has settled, leaving you hollow sitting on your bed. on numb legs, you stand and walk to your desk, ripping out a page from your notebook to hastily write. 

i hate you, kazutora. i want you and baji back and i hate you for taking him away from me. i hate you and i miss you and you’re the worst

the words blur together, ink bleeding into blobs as your tears fall onto the paper. you crumble up the page and throw it across the room with a sniff, unable to believe what you’ve written. 

july 05, 2015

your brows furrow at the sound of knocking on your door. chifuyu told you he’d be an hour late to your hangout, stuck organizing a shipment that came early he’d told you over the phone, but the sound of knocking again proves he’s a liar. 

“you don’t have to knock if i know you’re coming-” you start as you pull the door open, only to stop when it’s not chifuyu behind it. 

kazutora stares at you, and it’s still those same wide eyes as he takes you in. there’s no blonde left in his hair, you note dully, and he’s gotten taller. you’re practically frozen in place by his appearance on your doorstep. 

“hi.” he breathes out finally, offering a bouquet you hadn’t even realized he was holding, and his lip quivers when you hesitate to take it. 

you clear your throat, “when . . . when did you get out?” you look down at the flowers to avoid looking at him and god he could break down right here. the smell of your home comes off in waves, clawing at the deepest parts of him and settling with the reminder of childhood. he wants to bottle it up, breathe it in for the rest of his life to keep those memories forever. 

“few days ago. ‘fuyu picked me up.” 

you pull your lip between your teeth, a nasty habit he remembers when you were young, before you’re taking a step back so he can enter your home. he does so slowly, as if any sudden movement could startle you away from him. he’s almost certain it would. 

“was waiting on him,” you mumble out, finally looking at him, “‘fuyu.” you’re unsure why you clarify, but he nods nonetheless. 

“he told me.” 

silence fills the air again, neither of you wanting to break what fragility remains on your shoulders, until kazutora moves to dig through the bag he’s brought with him. you eye him warily, still very unsure of what to make of it all, when he pulls out a folder filled with stacks of papers. 

he offers it to you, and you take it with less hesitation than before, trading it with him for the bouquet so you can open it properly. 

august 30, 2003

dear kazutora, 

kazutora watches as your eyes widen while they dance across the paper, immediately beginning to flip through each of the worn pages as if the rest of the stack could be fake, before you meet his gaze. 

“are these . . ?” 

“i kept them all.” he explains softly, trying so so hard to read your expression. 

and when you throw yourself into his arms, almost crushing the flowers between the two of you, he’s stunned. 

he holds you when your knees buckle, and carefully eases the two of you to the ground. holds you when your tears stain his shirt, and holds you even tighter as apologies fall from his lips. for baji, for not caring enough, for not righting his wrong when he should’ve. for not writing you back. 

as he breathes you in, he realizes how familiar this feels, how familiar you are, and suddenly he’s back to being a stupid thirteen year old with an even stupider adoration for you. he’s scared he’s squeezing you too tight, but you’re holding him like he’s your last lifeline and it takes all of him not to do the same. 

“i don't want to be like baji and not tell you how much i missed you.” he whispers, and it has a small laugh leaving your lips. a sound he hasn’t heard in so fucking long, it’s all he want to hear for as long as he’s alive. 

“i forgive you,” you say softly, when the tears finally subside and your grip on one another lessens enough for you to be able to lean away and look at him, “forgive you for baji and not caring and not writing me back.” 

the remission is enough to have him fighting back his own tears, and when you brush a strand of hair from his face to cup his cheek softly, it breaks what little resolve he has left. then it’s you taking him back into your arms, holding him as gently as you can as the assurances pass your lips as something so sweet and soft and everything he has ever missed in the last twelve years sits cradled in his arms. 

there’s something so sickly sweet about it all that has chifuyu wishing he would’ve been a little more precarious while putting everything away at the shop - regrettably ruining the moment when he stumbles into your house with beers and yakisoba.

[yanderes-galore]

Hello! Do you mind doing some general HC's for Kusakabe, from JJK? Thank you ^^

I'm going to be honest, I have no clue what to write for him, but I will try my best to make something for the Kusakabe fans. He doesn't have much on him :(

Yandere! Kusakabe Concept

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Manipulation, Slight stalking, Violence, Blood, Kidnapping, Dubious companionship/relationship.

Kusakabe is a character I don't have much to work with.

He shows up for like three arcs and even his wiki doesn't say too much.

He's a Grade 1 Sorcerer, one of the strongest, even without an innate technique.

He knows his weaknesses which makes him come off as a coward.

He's tactical and smart, he's good with a sword, and while he isn't the strongest physically...

Kusakabe still packs quite a punch when it comes to his abilities.

While he typically stays out of danger, he has moments where he'll step in to save his comrades.

Besides that, that's all I really have to work with.

For the most part I can see him being almost like a mentor with his obsession?

He's capable of being a leader but I wouldn't really call him all that intense.

His obsession could be a student of his (platonic), or a fellow classmate.

He knows a lot about the Jujutsu world and would definitely be telling his obsession little lessons here and there.

He's a subtle yandere since I think he mostly keeps his desires under control.

He feels he has to, while he does worry for your safety, he knows he needs control.

He's smart with how he deals with his feelings.

He knows they can be problematic so he'd keep them in check.

He's a person who cares for the safety of others, even if he tends to be fearful.

For you he can temporarily ignore his fears just to make sure you're okay.

Studying trouble? He can help you out.

Need help training? He'll see what he can do.

He's helpful but not smothering like other yanderes.

He's kind, protective, but never overly violent.

His main goal is to keep you in an environment where you can grow, improve, and stay safe.

He doesn't typically sacrifice himself, the only time he'd do such a thing is if his obsession was going to be in danger.

Let's be honest, based on his fight later on in the manga, he can definitely take down strong curses.

He just tends to stay away from it, wanting to keep himself safe.

Yet if he had to pick between you and him for getting hurt... sure, he'll bleed for you.

If you were ever hurt, he'd be quick to make sure you're treated.

He's no healer but he sees himself as responsible for you.

To cover some more basic yandere behavior...

Yes, he'd harm curses for you, but I doubt he'd harm a human.

When it comes to humans, he'd try to talk things down or pull you away.

Since I feel he'd be like a mentor, he'd probably make the excuse that you have to study or train.

In reality, he just feels more comfortable when he's looking after you.

He likes the quiet between you, he doesn't need to worry about anything else other than you and him.

Would he kidnap? Well... It's complicated?

I can't really see Kusakabe kidnapping his obsession for any reason other than fearing for them.

He cares for their safety but not enough to just... take them unless motivated.

He might put you under his care if you're hurt.

In fact, I can probably see him trying to talk his obsession out of being a sorcerer.

He himself focuses on self preservation... He may feel his obsession should do that too.

After all, he wouldn't have to keep changing your bandages if you just... stayed out of battle.

So while he may try to convince you to stop being a sorcerer, he won't force it unless he could actually lose you.

It's not quite kidnapping... but it's definitely a way he takes some freedoms from you.

He's scared to lose you, y'know?

Does he get jealous? Not really.

He's rather controlled, if he is jealous, he hides it strangely well.

He's a protective yandere more than a possessive yandere.

There's times he's controlling but it's usually to steer you away from trouble.

His heart is in the right place, but it's debatable on if his feelings are justified.

After all, you deserve to have the freedom to become a sorcerer.

Kusakabe will let it happen for the most part.

Although... If you were to ever get hurt, hurt to the point of near death...

Kusakabe may just have to break his rule about kidnapping you.

Even then, it's more like convincing you to stay at his home for a little while.

He'd give you whatever you needed, he'd ;earn to tend to your wounds...

Then soon, well, maybe he'd just convince you it's safer here?

He understands you might disagree... But you're so reckless...

Isn't it better here?

In terms of affection, I don't know if he's that affectionate?

Maybe he's like... a cuddle guy with a movie if his obsession is romantic?

But platonically he's mostly just a mentor.

He'd give you a comfortable bed with good food.

He'd give you just about anything as long as you quit and allow him to take care of you.

Well you disagree? Probably.

But Kusakabe will try to stand firm on this.

He wants you to not be reckless and put yourself in danger.

So until you can prove that you'll improve, or until Sukuna is defeated...

You'll be staying with him.

[luvrbug]

Hi! This one may be a bit sensitive so its alright if its not your cup of tea to write but! May I request

Killer or Law with an s/o who (due to their period) experiences extreme stomach pains and passes out from it. Sorry if its a bit extreme, it happens to me a lot 😅

(Maybe Killer is better on second thought Law might just medicate his S/O all day lol)

AS A PERSON WITH A UTERUS THAT LIKES TO KILL ME MONTHLY I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND !!! I did just , general period headcanons ! i hope thats okay! and i included kata because i feel hed just be. so good at it you know ??

«────────«⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅»────────»

Killer

Killer is not entirely clueless on what happens every month... but he's far from the most experienced. But he's an incredibly fast learner when it comes to comforting you during hell week <3.

You will not be lifting a finger! Kid pirate member or not, killer is absolutely refusing to let you work while you're in this much pain. Kid keeps.. suspiciously silent.. about how little work you're doing.

His hands... HIS HANDS !!! They're warm, steady, and large enough to cover your entire abdomen and gently rub to soothe away the pains.

Killer absolutely is encouraging your period cravings. Pasta? He was feeling pretty hungry himself. Something sweet? His hand slipped, and he ... accidentally ... made a four layer cake!

Killer may not know everything, but he absolutely wants to make this time of month as easy as possible for you. He's just a big softie.

Law

He's a DOCTOR ! he obviously knows all of this, obviously. He's a doctor. Okay, Law really... isn't the best with the reproductive cycles. He's a SURGEON who studied a bit of practical medicine to take up the doctor role in his crew best.

Just because he hasn't learned anything YET doesn't mean he won't learn ever. Obviously, he knows you experience pain, bleeding, irritability, hormone imbalances, etc. But how can he help you feel better without expressing.... emotional vulnerability (eugh).

In the beginning of your relationship law just... leaves painkillers on the nightstand. Stashes chocolate in a certain spot of the kitchen he "accidentally" reveals to you. Changes the sheets while you go to clean yourself up. He's so painfully awkward with every cute, sweet thing he does. Its so endearing.

Later on in the relationship, Law begins to.. loosen up a bit more. He's still a blushing awkward tsundere mess as he does all these sweet things for you, but he's much more physically affectionate and ready to relax with you. Period week? Nah. Vacation week.

Katakuri

THE GOAT AT TAKING CARE OF A PARTNER ON THEIR PERIOD! He's got all those little sisters, and you expect him to be INEXPERIENCED????? No way. This man has made multi-million beri runs in the middle of the night to totto-mart just for tampons, pads, and chocolate. Just give him your order, babe.

But seriously, katakuri knows all the remedies! Even some you wouldn't think about. Heating pad? Done. Massage? Already got it set up. Cuddles and sweets? Impromptu meridena time.

Being a sweet commander has its perks, one of those being a massive, warm bathtub and whatever ridiculously expensive bath product you could possibly want. Katakuri WILL be pampering you.

Killer encourages cravings, but Katakuri goes all out. The kitchen staff shiver in fear when he puts in one of your meal requests. Full buffets, platters, all delivered to you in bed.

Katakuri takes full advantage of the "Excuse-me-my-spouse-is-in-pain" excuse to just. cuddle and spend time with you. He's such a softie <3.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

can you write a snippet where hero beats villain for the first time, like completely whips their ass and destroys them but then it turns villain on. Yeah I got this idea from another of your snippets but I wanna read more >:)

“I feel like there’s a lot of unresolved hatred within you.” The hero stared at them, stared at the desk they’d destroyed with their bare hands.

“What makes you think that?” the hero asked. They were out of breath and seemed to be doing better now but if that was actually a positive thing remained to be decided. Even though this was an unusual situation, the villain had sworn to make the best of it.

As far as “the best” could go with a shock collar around their neck and lots of house arrest until the next trial.

“Your knuckles are bleeding,” the villain pointed out and they couldn’t quite look away from the broken table. It had been made out of heavy wood and if that wasn’t a metaphor for the hero’s sanity breaking, then the villain didn’t know what else would be.

“That happens sometimes,” the hero only huffed. They stared at their nemesis, thankfully not with that raw gaze anymore but nevertheless, the villain could only stare back. What even was this arrangement?

“Your happy ever after doesn’t seem so happy,” the villain said. “Shouldn’t all your problems disappear into thin air now?”

“They should.” The hero walked towards them. “Does it hurt?”

They were quick to touch the villain’s neck with their fingertips, pulling skin up until they could see the red and irritated parts beneath their collar. The hero pushed their thumb into the damaged skin and the villain couldn’t help but wince. Although they wanted to push the hero away, they couldn’t bring themselves to do so.

“Do you finally feel the weight of your actions? Do you finally know what consequences do?” the hero asked. Fucking hell, they were pissed. And the villain was fascinated by the anger that fuelled their enemy. The hero pulled their hand away and studied them for a second too long. They looked like they wanted to chop off the villain’s head.

Then, their fingers dug back into the villain’s throat gently.

“I have to deal with the mess you left the city with. Do you know how much work that requires?” they asked. “Do you know how much time I invest into this? Into taking care of you?”

“Interesting choice of words,” the villain said. They could only smile gently but that faded when out of a sudden, the hero’s hand came back down to the collar again.

“Do not even think for a second that you mean anything to me. I eat villains like you alive,” the hero said. They pulled on the collar and the pain around the villain’s neck was biting into them. It was sharp and merciless and it would leave the villain like this for a few more minutes.

“Fuck,” they cursed quietly but it didn’t help. It didn’t ease the pain and it didn’t change the villain’s feelings towards it.

“We may be stuck in this house together but you will not slip up under my command, got that? I’ve come too far to risk everything,” the hero explained. The palm of their hand found the villain’s cheek and almost tenderly, they stayed there, waiting for the villain’s protest.

But that never came.

Instead, the villain’s heart rate spiked and as they stared into the hero’s eyes, they found something true and vile. A darkness that had consumed both of them equally. It bound them together, made them one and even though the hero didn’t want this to be true, the villain feared they couldn’t deny this anymore.

“Did it make you happy when you arrested me?” the villain asked.

“Who wouldn’t be happy to catch someone as pretty as you?” the hero asked right back. They let go of the villain, looking as if they had to clear their head. And the villain was head over heels for their enemy’s growing frustration, for their violence and their tenderness, for their sweet and cruel words.

[damn-stark]

Chapter 37 Strong heart

Chapter 37 of Sugar

A/N- I hope you guys like it :) I liked writing this chapter

Warning- Swearing, ANGST, FLUFF, violence and blood, talks of DEATH, and pregnancy, flashback, SPOILERS!!!! long chapter!

Pairing- Choso x Gojo!fem-reader, Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader

Episode and or chapters- Chapter 243 to chapter 253

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

Choso’s not responding, why is he not responding?

You take a step closer but stop out of fear that you’ll meet up with a corpse.

“Ch…” You trail off in a quivering voice and continue watching his unmoving body.

Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be gone, please…

You force yourself to go to him, but you head to him slowly because your fear of losing him is polluting your mind. After all, when you found Suguru last year he was on the ground, bleeding out, barely alive, and missing an entire arm. What if you come across that horrifying scene again, but this time you don’t even get to say goodbye?

“Choso?” Your voice comes out hoarse as your need to cry weakens it. “Choso?”

You cast a shadow over him as you stop a foot away from him because you’re scared if you get too close you won’t hear him breathe.

“Choso?” You basically plead.

And this time, at last, you catch his fingers shift on the ground—but! Does that mean he’s okay? You see a lot of blood staining his clothes, and two giant fist-sized holes on the back of his vest.

Choso then slowly lifts his head and you hold your breath when you meet his honey-imbued eyes. He mutters your name as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing, and his pupils dilate as he keeps watching you with the rays of the sun shining around your head like a glorious halo.

You step closer and pull the worm cursed-spirit off your shoulders to try and crouch, but Choso pushes himself up and that’s when you freeze completely because of the two gaping wounds you see close to his side. You can’t see through them, it seems like they went all the way through since there’s holes on his back, but there’s raw flesh now that makes his wound look like two dark voids.

“Choso,” you gasp.

Said man doesn’t seem to believe you’re real, he just studies your face as if he’s admiring some painting for a lingering moment before he lunges forward and throws his arms around you.

And you can't believe his chest was moving with signs of life, that you're actually looking into his pretty eyes until you feel his warmth and his strong arms around you. “Choso,” you whisper in disbelief and cling onto him.

“My love,” he whispers. “You’re okay. You’re safe, you’re back to me.”

His voice is so comforting, so soft and soothing. You wish you could say it kills the fear you felt clinging onto your heart, but you won’t stop being afraid about his well-being until you’re walking out of this fight hand in hand.

“You’re alive,” you point out to yourself. “Why didn’t you answer me? I was calling out your name?”

Choso pulls back and grabs onto your jaw to tilt your head and then step back to study your body for any wounds he might’ve missed.

“I’m okay,” you assure him as you watch his eyes roam your body. “We’re okay, Kenjaku didn’t even touch me.”

Choso’s eyes snap to you and he doesn’t seem to believe you, so you grab his hand and yank it down to put over your belly. “Remember you can feel them. They’re okay, yes?”

Choso holds your gaze as he searches within himself for the confirmation over the twins' status. And once he’s assured that they’re okay just like you told him, he sighs with relief and once again holds your face with both hands to check you out one more time.

“I’m okay,” you whisper and caress his shoulder with a sweet smile.

He lets out a deep breath and nods in comprehension, and as he stays attached to you, you slip your hands down to his chest with a smile still glued to your face, and then shove him back with your face quickly twisting to show your anger.

“You scared me!” You scold him. “I kept calling out to you, I texted you twice and you didn’t answer me. I thought…I…” you trail off and swiftly turn on your heels to catch your breath and stop yourself from crying.

You already cried so much today, that you don’t want to keep crying.

“I’m sorry,” Choso quickly tries to comfort you. “I just didn’t want you to see me hurt. I wanted to heal before you got to me, I’m sorry,” he whispers those last two words as he grabs your shoulder.

You turn your face away and lift your hand to gnaw on your nail. “How…how did it happen?” Your voice comes out muffled.

Choso sighs. “Sukuna surprised me. He was too fast, I tried to use piercing blood, but from one second to another he was before me and jammed his hands through me.”

Any higher and he would’ve hit his core, and his heart, Choso was close to death, he could’ve died. You were close to being a widow once again, you were close to having to live without him.

“I should’ve been more careful,” he adds sincerely.

Yes, and no. He was just trying to help the best he could, he didn’t expect to get hurt the way he did, but you can’t help but be upset because he was so close to death.

“You,” you spat and snap your head around to pierce your glare at him, but when you meet his guilt-filled eyes, when you see the life in his eyes your anger falls and your relief completely takes over, making you throw your arms around his neck instead.

“I’m happy you’re okay,” you whisper in his ear. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

Choso balls your clothes as he grabs onto your back and breaks the truth. “We’re still not done yet.”

Your breath trembles, but you don’t let his comment bring you down. “I know but let me just appreciate you’re okay for now.” You say and snuggle your face in the crook of his neck.

Choso hums and keeps holding you for as long as you need until you remember what you have and pull apart with a smirk. “I have something I want to show you,” you clue him in even though he might have an idea.

The worm returns to your shoulders as you pull your phone out that contains a glimpse at the promise you kept him. “Now, I know it’s not here physically, but I did complete my promise to you,” you assure him as you hold his gaze so he knows you’re being sincere.

You quickly find the photo of his father's brain and slowly show it to him. “Shoko is going to keep it safe for you so it doesn’t get crushed here, but,” you slowly trail off and let him take the phone. “You and your brother can rest easy now that he won’t be roaming this earth.”

Choso clenches his jaw and anger passes behind his eyes, but it’s all then quickly replaced by relief, and then lastly sorrow that brings tears to the corner of his eyes. And you can’t imagine it’s sorrow for his father's death, he hated his father, so it must be sorrow born from joy more than anything; joy that at long last a monster who terrorized him, his brothers, and his mother is finally gone.

It was all thanks to you.

“Your mother and your brothers can rest now too,” you tell him softly. “He won’t torment anyone anymore.”

Choso looks at you and his eyes gleam with awe and joy. “Thank you,” he muses as he gives you back your phone to tuck it away. “Thank you for doing this for me and for my family.”

You offer him a gentle smile and reach over to wipe a tear off his cheek. “You welcome and if it wasn't just me, it was Okkotsu too, but you are welcome.”

Choso grabs your hand to give it a gentle squeeze, and as he holds your gaze the love he has for you only heightens and grows more passionate and tender. He also thanks the stars and fate for letting your paths intertwine.

“What will you do with it?” You ask Choso, making him snap from his stupor to glare at the ground with a seething anger as if his father was there.

“Burn it,” he sneers, “and then I’ll disintegrate those ashes until there’s nothing left. I don’t want to give him even the slightest chance of coming back, especially not now that we're going to have children.”

You hum and nod in comprehension.

“I wish I could do it now,” he grumbles, “but it seems we don’t have the time.”

You hum in agreement and wait in his silence as he lets his mind process all that you just revealed to him, and all the emotions he was just hit with. You don’t rush him and let him fill the silence all on his own.

Albeit when he does he catches you guard.

“Did you…” Choso pauses, making you look back at him with a soft curious look—“recover Suguru Geto’s body?”

You blink in surprise and avert your gaze to nod. “Yes,” you respond quietly. Again not out of shame, you just don’t know how much you should talk about Suguru with Choso.

“Shoko says she can mend the wounds we left him and get rid of the those nasty stitches Kenjaku left,” you share with a faint smile, and when you look over you see Choso struggling to keep his eyes on you.

It’s probably just as awkward for him as it is for you.

“That’s good. Satori will be able to look at her father one last time without thinking about Noritoshi,” he says what you thought about too. “And you,” he pauses. “Will be able to put him to rest too.”

You sigh and nod. “Yeah,” you mumble. “I know…It’s not weird, is it? Talking about him?”

Choso keeps his eyes on his hand clutching onto his wound and blinks before he shakes his head. “No…it’s just…strange, but it’s something I know shouldn’t bother me.” He finally looks over at you and looks at you with a guilty look. “Don’t think you have to avoid talking about him in front of me…I understand he was your husband. You loved him.”

You hold his gaze as you feel your heart envelope in warm bliss and awe that could almost mend your shattered heart.

“You’re sweet,” you coo and grab his chin with your thumb and pointer finger to lean in and press a gentle peck on his lips. “This is why I love you.”

The corner of Choso’s pink lips tug up and his hand cups your wrist to caress your skin and send waves of comfort throughout your aching body.

“Now,” you change the subject as you slide your hand over to take his hand. “Why don’t we go sit so you can finish healing before we meet up with Yuji? I have something to show you.” You bounce your eyebrows and flash him a giddy grin.

Choso studies you and this sudden burst of excitement that he knows isn't just caused by anything, there’s a specific reason behind your outburst and he assumes one thing. “Did Satori send you something?”

You walk him toward a nearby wall since there’s no benches anywhere nearby.

“No,” you tell him and peer back at him with your lips and eyes hard to read. “Manami and Toshihisa were going to keep her distracted all day today. I didn’t want to risk having her catch a glimpse of the broadcast. So she’s too busy having fun.” You assume, but you also know that it’s not too far-fetched considering who’s taking care of her.

“It’s something else,” you tease him and sit you both down on the cold ground and press your backs against the wall. “Are you ready?” You only begin to excite him now.

“I don’t know if I should be,” Choso remarks nonchalantly.

You giggle as you pull out your phone and meet his gaze to pass him a giddy look that causes a gleam to spark in your eyes, and makes his heart skip a beat.

“Shoko checked on me after I got back,” you begin to explain to him as you surf on your phone until you find the video you just took of the twin's heartbeat—“and she heard this.”

You press play and push the phone near him so he can see the screen, even if it’s just Shoko pressing the wand against your belly.

At first, though Choso doesn’t seem to understand what he hears, he thinks that the two running hearts are just your own heart racing too fast.

“I don’t—” just before he can express his concern though his mouth goes agape and his eyes widen.

“It’s their heartbeats,” you make it clear so he can process the news faster. “It’s Suki and…”

“…Tsukuyomi,” Choso finishes for you, making you beam at him and nod in confirmation. He then carefully takes the phone from you to pull the phone closer to his ear.

“That’s them, that’s their hearts,” he muses.

You watch as his eyes cloud with blissful tears, and his smile spreads with a tender adoration dancing on his lips.

“They sound strong,” you repeat what Shoko told you. “They have strong hearts.”

Choso tears his eyes away from the video and looks at you with even more tenderness that softens his eyes and makes his eyes glimmer. “Just like you,” he whispers confidently because out of all the things he knows, he knows he’s more than sure about that.

You hear it, the sincerity behind his tone and you can’t help but also redirect it at him. “And you.”

Choso’s smile fills with more admiration and he responds by leaning in and pressing a kiss on your forehead.

You smile softly with glee and take his hand before you rest your head on his shoulder and listen to the video one more time to use that as a sliver of joy in this storm of agonizing sorrow.

After Choso plays the video a couple more times he rests his head on yours and gently squeezes your hand in the silence he keeps. You can’t help but keep smiling as you think about your dream of growing your family, of raising your children the way you wanted to be raised and loving them with your husband who loves you unconditionally.

What more could you ask for—

Oh…

Satoru…right.

No matter what he was always in your future, even if you imagined him distant when you didn’t talk, he was still there in the background of your dreams. Now…where he once was is replaced by a black void that slowly swallows everything and leaves you hopeless for the future.

“Once this is done,” you break the silence to avoid drowning in your grief. “The snakes will lash out at the Gojo clan.”

“What do you mean?” Choso probes a bit confused.

“They won’t accept my daughter as their leader so they’ll try and replace her with one of my male cousins most likely,” you explain and already start to feel irritated.

“Even if your brother left in his will that he wants Satori to be leader after him?”

You nod. “Yeah, one, my daughter wasn't raised with the Gojo’s, two she's a woman, and three her last name is Geto and she didn’t inherit her father's technique.” You sigh but smirk mischievously. “Not like it really matters, sure it’s annoying, but I’ll go chop off a few heads to make them listen, and if Satori chooses not to be leader, well, I’ll take her place and pass on the title to one of our children. Hence following the procession of the clan with my line.”

That will surely teach your family for mistreating you!

You love being spiteful.

“Are you sure?” Choso surprises you by asking.

You pull away from his side and meet his gaze with a serious and determined pointed look. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” you swear.

Choso didn’t want to try and argue or convince you that it was a bad idea, all he needed was to ask if that’s what you really wanted to do. Now that he has his answer he’ll leave it be and let you do as you please and what best suits your daughter, and your brother's wishes because it’s what he would do too if he was in your shoes.

“I know it hasn’t been long, but how’s your wound?” You interject as you turn around to sit on your knees and grab his vest and robe to pull it aside so you can check out his wound yourself.

“I feel better,” he tries to assure you, even if you look at his wound right now and see that it’s still pretty deep. They’re not as deep as before, but they’re not near closing yet. However, you know you can’t reason with Choso, not when Yuji is still in commission, as well as you. You would need to knock him out cold to get him to sit back.

“Cho,” you still try to argue regardless. “I see—”

“I’m okay, I can keep fighting,” he cuts you off a bit harshly so you won’t try and argue again. “Don’t worry about me right now.”

You drop your eyes to the two holes in his flesh and groan before you steal a glimpse at his blood-stained abs and let his clothes go to fall back into his place.

“We should…find Yuji,” you bring up a bit begrudgingly. Only because you wish he’d heal 150 percent.

“That’s what I was thinking,” he says as he stands on his feet.

“That’s what I was thinking,” you mock under your breath as you follow him up.

Alas, he catches you and slowly cranes his head back to look at you with his thick eyebrows furrowed.

You sass him and shoot him a pointed look that makes him scoff before he steps aside to let you walk ahead as he keeps an eye out from behind.

However, he’s not looking out for Yuji, he’s watching out for trouble that might try and catch you off guard. Even if Sukuna is fighting alone and he has no reason to come after either of you unprovoked, it would still be stupid to not be looking over your shoulders.

“I hope you know the moment you get hurt I will throw you over my shoulder,” Choso proclaims, making you smirk and look back at him.

“Oh really?” You say teasingly, causing his eyes to snap to you, however he doesn’t catch your flirtatious smile.

“Really,” he says seriously.

Your smirk deepens and your voice turns silkier. “Why don’t you try it out right now? Just show me how you’ll do it, hm?”

Choso blinks and is finally hit with the realization of what you’re really getting at. “Oh…well…I can show you,” he tries his best to hit you back with something flirty just as smoothly as you.

“I might argue,” you say and come to a stop so he can fall right behind you, to the point his chest grazes your back—“what will you do then?”

Choso swallows thickly and glances at your lips, making you steal a glimpse at his own before you turn around and show him an example with a short kiss.

“There’s one way to keep me quiet or…?” You trail off so he can finish.

“Or,” he trails on as he holds your gaze completely star-struck. “I can,” he pauses and raises his hand to let it hover over your mouth and make sure you’re okay with what he’s doing. When he notices that you aren’t protesting, and keep waiting with a smirk on your face, Choso gently presses his hand against your lips and slowly lets his thumb graze over your bottom lip as he holds your gaze.

Your heart skips a beat with excitement and his pounds, but even as he stands there nervously he still gently penetrates the tip through your lips. When he feels the warmth and wetness of your mouth he shoves his whole thumb in, making you suck gently before you pull away from his touch and laugh.

Not at him. Of course. You laugh with excitement, having forgotten for a moment what tormented you, and steal a passionate kiss that you savor before you press your forehead on his and grab the back of his neck.

Choso lets out a deep breath and cups your cheeks to caress your jawline with his thumb, making you lean your face towards one side to steal one more moment of comfort.

Just a short moment before you both pull away and continue down your path side by side.

After a few moments of walking, you finally come across Yuji on his knees in the middle of the highway with blood spilling out of his mouth. And just ahead you see only a glimpse of Maki and Sukuna before they disappear from your view. But even if he’s gone you still feel a chill run down your spine as you assume you’ll be facing him off soon now that you’re closer in his range…

Soon though, now you focus on Choso and his brother, and with a look alone you press Choso to help his brother.

And even if your husband understands what you mean he still hesitates. “What if I say the wrong thing? He said I’m not good at teaching, I don’t want him to get something wrong because of me,” he pauses and drifts his gaze away from Yuji to look at you with a soft pleading look. “Could you help him, remind him to take it slow?”

You glance at Yuji in distress and do have the need to help him, but if you were him all you’d want is your brother's help, even if it is a smidge of advice.

“He needs you,” you advise Choso. “Just don't over-explain it. Talk to him as if you were talking to Satori,” you say and rub his shoulders, but he doesn’t seem content with that so you come up with one more thing. “Ah! Just explain it to me and I’ll tell you if it's okay.”

Choso swallows back nervously but doesn’t hesitate this time, he draws out a deep breath and brings his hand up to press his thumb on your forehead. “Healing comes from here. All you need to do is just visualize. Watch it spread like roots,” he explains tenderly as he moves his thumb down. “Spread it everywhere and focus on mending what’s really wounded.”

Choso traces the veins down to your hand and stops when his thumb lands on your warm palm. And as he holds your hand his tenderness slowly twists to worry. “Was that okay?” Choso asks somewhat panicked.

You offer him a bright smile and nod. “That was perfect. I’m sure he’ll understand,” you assure him as you grab his hand with your free one to gently massage his palm.

Choso sighs deeply and glances at Yuji, still seeming to be spaced out and distressed on the ground. This time though, without hesitation Choso leaves your side and reaches his little brother.

“Take a breath,” you hear Choso guide Yuji as he presses his hand on his back. “Remember what you were taught. Visualize it. Allow the blood to spread throughout every corner of your body like roots. Visualize an outline of your body made with veins.”

You can’t help but smile in awe as you watch the interaction, as you watch how kind and patient Choso is with Yuji even if this is a moment of distress. You watch him being a caring old brother and once again you’re reassured of the fact that he’ll be a great father, and an even greater partner to raise your family with.

Once again as you watch him help Yuji you can’t help but count yourself lucky for having fate cross your paths.

——

Dear Satoru,

How does one relish in the peace gifted to them after so many died trying to get this far?

I can’t help but feel guilty about being happy and being able to live my life the way I dreamed of. Choso and Shoko tell me I shouldn’t feel bad for the dead anymore, but how can I look at Satori who's a couple of months away from turning 17? How can I look at my twins laughing and playing with their father, my youngest girl Amaterasu clinging onto her father hoping that somehow she could live in his skin so she wouldn’t be too far away from him. How can I watch my youngest son Ryusei get more and more curious about the world without feeling bad for those who sacrificed themselves and couldn’t live past another day of their lives?

I smile, I laugh, I’m grateful, but there’s always that twinge of guilt I feel in my heart—

“Turtle.” A little voice pulls your attention off your paper, and as you look up you see your youngest child Ryusei holding a weird turtle-shaped rock, but his 2-year-old mind has latched on to that word and is labeling everything and everyone turtle because it’s his favorite word of the week along with “no”.

You really hate the “no” phase, all five of your kids had it, so you’re more than glad that Ryusei will be your last child. You can’t handle any more terrible two phases…even if Choso is starting to hint at wanting another one.

You can’t handle it anymore though. As cute as they are and as much as you love newborn phases, all you want now is to just focus on the kids you have and be able to love your man in peace without having any more snotty kids interrupt you—with peace and love.

“No,” you correct Ryusei and take the rock from his hold to look at it because that’s what he wants you to do. “This is a rock. See? It doesn’t have eyes or a shell, silly.”

Ryusei reaches over to take back his rock and studies it as he carries it in his palm. The wheels in his mind spin as he thinks about what you said for a moment before he pouts just like his father, and nonchalantly drops the rock.

“No,” he argues and waddles away,

You hear a giggle behind you and as you slowly look back you catch Satori with her head up and grinning with amusement.

“He showed me his toy and said it was a turtle, when I corrected him he threw it at me and waddled away,” Satori shares between giggles, making you sigh and slouch.

“He’s the most hot-headed out of all of you, I don’t understand why,” you contemplate your child’s behavior.

Satori pushes her sunglasses down to shield her eyes and flashes a grin. “His grandfather. Probably.” She snickers.

“That’s still not funny ten years later,” you grumble and look away, finding the twins, Suki and Tsukuyomi, and your youngest daughter Amaterasu going towards the oceans shore without their father towing behind him, so as curious as to where he went, you drift your eyes away and find him on his feet where they all once were.

“Suki, Tsu, your brother is going over to you, hold his hand,” Choso warns the twins since they’re the oldest, and Amaterasu finds it in herself to argue as if she’s the one that was left in charge of her little brother.

“But the waves are not strong at all!”

She lacks responsibility because she’s the middle child, and she’s never in charge like Satori or the twins, so she’s turned lax.

“It doesn’t matter,” Choso counters his daughter. “He can still stumble.”

“You’re not even in charge Amaterasu,” Tsukuyomi snaps at his sister. “Why are you talking back?”

“I’m just pointing it out!” Amaterasu yells at her brother as she stomps her foot in the water around her ankles—“Gosh…” she trails off and you watch her mouth move as she seems to mumble something under her breath.

You sit back on your hands and watch all four of them with a little smile on your face.

They argue often; all five of them, over little things but they make up like nothing, they apologize quickly and go back to laughing and smiling at each other, and after some desecalations, you can’t help but smile over their bickering because it reminds of you and your brother.

When you were young—no, you argued all the time too, as they do, and made up just as fast. You got older and things happened that kept you two estranged, but you found your way back to each other. You don’t want your children to go through that same strain, but you want them to experience all the good and the bad about having each other. You want them to know that same bliss about having a sibling that you still hold onto all these years later...

You grin and feel tears prick at the corner of your eyes born from joy that you express in your letter.

—but never about my kids. I never feel guilty about having my kids and knowing that joy. They’re my blessings, they’re my everything. They’re the good piece of me, and a piece of my beloved, Choso. They’re even a piece of you, Satoru.

I see you in them all the time, in Suki, Tsukuyomi, and Ryusei’s white hair, in all their unbreakable spirits. So that’s one thing I can never ever be guilty about. Because of them, I feel like I will always carry a piece of you.

Is that cheesy?

Still, I want rid of this guilt annoying my heart like a splinter in your finger that you can’t pull out—

“Look,” Choso pulls you away from your train of thought getting engraved on paper, and first drifts your attention to the shadow he casts over you before you meet his honey-kissed brown eyes looking down at you tenderly—“a mochi I took from Ryu’s snack bag.”

You flash him a smile and take the half he offers you in your mouth. He then takes a seat on the sand next to you and keeps holding your gaze, letting you notice the red tint stamped over his nose and his cheeks.

“Cho,” you point out with your mouth full and lean over to grab his chin. “Did you put sunscreen on your face? You’re getting red.”

Choso blinks and thinks as he keeps looking at you, and when he seems to think back to a specific moment he groans and shakes his head. “Amaterasu needed help putting sunscreen on so I stopped just as I was about to apply some on my face. Sorry.”

You sigh deeply and first finish your mochi before you reach into your bag and pull out a bottle of sunscreen to press some on the tip of your fingers before you lean close to Choso, and gently massage some on his face.

“No matter what you still need to remember to put some on your face. You still burn.” You remind him sweetly.

The corner of his lips pulls to a tender smile as his eyes soften. “Why, when I can have you help me?”

You pause briefly to swoon before you leave a sweet peck on his lips and continue to protect his face from any further burning rays of the sun.

“Do you want some too, Satori?” You tease your teenage daughter in a baby voice.

“No,” she quickly rebuttals. “Thank you. I can put my own on.”

“Oh, but—”

“No,” Satori cuts you off before you can reminisce about her when she was a little girl, making you drop your hands off Choso’s face and pout.

Choso sees your flicker of sadness and strokes your chin.

No matter what though, no one will take away the sadness at watching your little girl only get older—it’s not a bad sadness you lament, you wish for her to only get older, but there’s always something about watching your kids get older that just gets you a little sad.

“She’s always the one arguing and always the one holding his hand,” Choso muses.

You follow his line of gaze and smile softly at the sight of Amaterasu pulling Ryusei up with her to jump over the small wave unfurling over the sand.

The little boy giggles and watches the next wave approaching before glancing at his sister as he anticipates the next wave he’ll jump over.

“Trying telling her that,” you quip lightheartedly.

Choso chuckles, making you look at him and only grin in admiration as his shoulders shake, and the sun makes his brown eyes twinkle as well as highlight that infinite joy he always has when watching his children just doing their own thing.

He always looks at his kids with pride, no matter what nothing takes away that love he looks at his kids with because he never wants his kids to feel the same way his own father made him feel; unloved and unwanted. It’s what makes Choso an excellent father, and it’s why you love having the honor of being Choso’s partner and having him be the father of your kids.

And it’s while you admire him and think about his big heart and the life you’re lucky to share, that you realize the answer to your question, going unaware that even after 10 years Choso has the need to steal glimpses at you to engrave every detail of your face as if it was the first time laying his eyes on you.

….I get it now. The answer to my guilt is living my life for those who died fighting. I’ll love for them and live so their sacrifice isn’t in vain.

Love, your beloved sister.

——

*2 MONTHS AGO*

“What is Gojo’s sister to you?”

“To me?”

The camera focuses on Yuji Itadori holding a half-bitten sandwich, and the person behind the camera nods in confirmation, making the pink-haired boy wipe his mouth and hum as he thinks before he sits up and responds honestly.

“Well to me she once was someone I had a crush on, I mean did you see her in magazines and on runways?!” He smirks and laughs lightly. “But now, she’s like my bodyguard. Gojo—oh our teacher, Gojo asked her to protect me from the people after me, so she turned out to be that which is cool. But you know how they say you should never meet your idols?” He sighs and takes a bite from his sandwich. “Yeah, that suits my situation…” He trails off and his eyes widen with panic, but before he can seem to correct himself the camera cuts off and displays three other students.

“Who is she to me?” Maki Zen’in repeats the question and scoffs with displeasure.

“Salmon!” Inumaki exclaims, making Panda nod as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“She tried killing us last year,” the black and white bear shares with a huff. “And she’s been the only person who’s been able to deflect Inumaki’s technique.”

“I heard she killed some members of her family a few years back,” Maki cuts in and makes the camera shift to focus on her. “She’s also a stain on the Gojo clan. The one fallen from grace, or so they say. I would say I admire her but she tried to kill us so she’s a killer.”

The clip cuts off and now they’re back inside facing Yuji Itadori with his sandwich and a panicked reaction.

“…not that I don’t think she’s not strong!” Yuji finally gets to explain himself before someone gets the wrong idea. “She’s strong and cool! And very beautiful, in Iike, an ethereal kind of way, like if you tell me to think of royalty, that’s who I picture her to be. But I guess it suits her considering who they say she is in the sorcerer community.” He says and flashes the camera a smile, leading to a smooth transition to some courtyard of some shopping center with a short-haired girl in the center.

“How many of these questions are you going to ask me?” Nobara Kugisaki asks as she puts on some sunglasses to block away the sun from shining in her eyes. “Anyway,” she speaks softly and with no ounce of deceit. “She’s someone I can say I admire regardless of all I hear about her because she’s proof that you can be both strong and a woman. She’s proof that we as women in the sorcerer society don’t have to fit into a stupid stereotype. Plus she dresses so cool even when she’s out on missions with Itadori, I want to dress like her.”

There wasn’t even a second of stepping into the dark side of your character, despite all that’s said about you, Nobara spoke from her heart and never thought of holding back to fit in with what others had to say about you.

The same could be said about Kento Nanami, albeit he might have some bias for you.

“First off,” Nanami directs at the camera even if watches the road ahead of him. “She has a name, she’s not called Gojo’s sister,” he scolds the interviewer and instantly counters by saying your full name to the camera before dipping into the question. “And she’s my one and only best friend, there’s no one I trust more than her…” he trails off to push his glasses up his nose and watch the road as he seems lost in thought.

The video may display a few seconds of passing time, but in truth, Nanami took a lot longer than that to continue, and even then he sounds quite pensive when he speaks about you.

“Besides being strong, and a bit egotistical like her brother, she’s extremely loyal, there’s no one you’d want more fighting beside you in a tough situation than her. She’s really a force to be reckoned with,” he says and finally glances at the camera with his eyebrows narrowed.

“Should you really be recording while I’m driving—”

The video is cut off and lastly, there’s one more clip left of a tall man with white hair and dark shades on his face.

“Well as everyone knows she’s my sister!” Satoru says in an almost teasing manner. “My little sister. She’s the only sibling I have, and you know being raised in an important clan like mine brings a lot of responsibility, but she made it all tolerable…” he smiles softly ahead and then he can’t help but smirk.

“I’m strong, the strongest there is, but,” he snickers. “I wouldn't go messing with her. There’s a reason she's a special grade, but she’ll be a pain in your ass, trust me. I wouldn’t underestimate her,” he trails on softly, and if anyone who really knew him heard him, they’d even say that he sounds full of admiration talking about his little sister. They’d also be able to see the softness painted on his face, but he has a good way to mask that to look smug in front of the camera.

“Oh!” He exclaims and claps his hands before he stops and turns, making the camera turn too to face him directly. Albeit he then surprises the camera as he leans in close as if the speakers or the camera wouldn’t capture what he has to say. “Despite what she wants you to believe she’s not scary. Don’t believe that crap,” he laughs and turns the camera off forcing the interview about you to end.

——

*NOW*

“Well,” there’s no avoiding it now or a continuous chance to be a backseat watcher. “Looks like it’s almost my turn…” you trail off and gulp before turning away from the disaster Sukuna and Maki are leaving in their fight.

You’d like to say you’re heading to this fight completely fearless, but your trembling hands and your pounding heart say otherwise.

“No one would blame you if you chose not to fight,” Yuji suddenly interjects, sounding like his big brother. “You have a big reason to stay behind.”

You blink in disbelief and slowly lift your head to watch him watching his hands turned to red claws. He doesn’t look up to meet your gaze when he feels it boring in him, instead, he watches his fists as if trying to find a fault in them.

“I’d blame myself,” you tell him as you approach him. “I’m strong and I’m powerful, but besides that, I’m fighting for something much bigger than myself.” You come to a stop and cast a shadow over his body hunched on the ground, and raise your hand to clutch onto the heart locket Choso gave you, the one that holds a picture of Nanako and Mimiko.

“Sukuna took something from me too,” you whisper and feel your fury boiling inside, but you also feel grief you have yet to really let your heart feel. “He took the girls who taught me how to love full heartedly, he took the girls who made me a mother. What mother would I be if I didn't try and get revenge for what he did? They were my daughters and he took them away.”

You let out a shaky breath, but you drop the tears that came with it. Instead, you actually proceed to meet Yuji’s brown eyes as he finally lifts his head.

“Oh,” he whispers shamefully. “That’s right. I’m sorry.”

You shake your head and crouch down to be at his level. “Keep your head up, kid. He hasn’t broken your spirit yet. You’ll break his. He may be a monster, but there’s still something in there you can crush. I know you’ll find it. You’re strong and brave, and you have a good heart.”

Yuji raises his head and swallows thickly, he parts his lips and seems to search for something within you. When he can’t seem to find what he’s looking for he sighs and mutters. “How did you do it? Find the strength to keep fighting after losing so much?”

“My daughter,” you bring up with hesitation but find it in yourself to try and find something he can relate to. “Considering you don’t have kids, then I’ll say this. I have faith in myself. It gets shaken, but it’s reliable. You have that too, that unbreakable faith. I see it.”

Yuji’s eyes soften and his chest rises as he draws in a deep breath. When his chest falls a half smile tugs on the corner of his lips. “Thank you,” he says hushedly.

You flash him a smile and gently pat his shoulder before you stand to your given height to face Choso who refuses to look at you, but still hangs onto every word you just told his brother.

“Cho,” you whisper and close the gap left between you to grab his arm crossed over his chest to turn him to face you. “Don’t be mad. We talked about this.”

Choso keeps his gaze pierced on the ground, so you lift your hands to grab his face and tilt his head up so you can meet those eyes you love so much.

“You can go pull me out of the fight if I get hurt,” you try to assure him, but his dark eyebrows pinch together and his eyes pierce into you before he retorts.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

You sigh and he finally unfolds his arms to clutch onto yours. “I can’t be okay with you going to risk your life,” he spills out what he had been keeping inside for so long. “I was okay with you facing my father because he was weaker than you, but Sukuna? He can kill you before I even have a chance to react. How do you expect me to be okay with that?”

You shake your head and counter softly. “I don’t expect you to be okay with it, I’m not okay with you being here either, but what choice do we have? And you heard me just now, my reasons to be here and fight him. You were with me the day I found them, and you were with me every day after that as I’ve mourned them. You know the thirst for revenge too, and you know it’s impossible to sit idly by until you know you’ve gotten justice for the ones you lost.”

Choso's lips curl to a deep displeased frown, and his eyes drop before he groans out of frustration because he knows you’re right. He’s known it, but he doesn’t want to see you go.

“I’ll be okay,” you reassure him as you tilt your head so you can keep holding his gaze, so you can keep holding onto that warmth and keep it within you when you go out there and fight. “I’ll make it back. The twins will be okay. I’ll fight like hell to stay alive, I swear.”

Choso blinks repeatedly to avoid crying, but he can hardly stay strong so he lets his forehead fall on yours, while his grip trembles.

“Please don’t scare me like you did when we fought Noritoshi. Stay alive, I need you.”

Those words are so full of fear for your life, yet so genuine and full of nothing but love. It makes it hard to leave, but you can’t just stay back, you have to fight at least once. You don’t want to die so you’ll fight hard to avoid that fate for him, and for Satori waiting for you to reunite. But if life takes you down that path you can’t stop it, you’ll only hope you were able to give everyone a chance to defeat that great evil.

“I’ll make it back,” you assure Choso against his lips. “To you, my love. I love you.” You whisper with honey dripping off every word and lean in to press a gentle and lingering kiss on his soft and wet lips refusing to let you go. He keeps your lips captured until you gently push back, but even then he grabs your hand with his unbeatable strength and pulls you back towards him.

“Choso,” you warn him softly.

“Just,” he interjects softly but full of desperation. “Let me…” he trails off and lowers his gaze before he presses his palm against your belly.

He doesn’t say anything, but Yuji notices the silence and looks over at his brother finding comfort in the fact that his kids he made with you are safely growing inside you. Yuji takes note of his brother's hand clinging onto your arm, hoping that will be enough to keep you with him forever. He sees his brother's faint smile that mirrors yours because even if the babies are still too small to move, their mere presence is enough to make you both content.

Yuji takes note of the both of you desperately trying to find any excuse to stick close to each other, and can’t help but think that you’re both brave for coming out to fight even if you’re waiting for something so precious that deserves both parents to live without a burden of fighting this nasty monster. Lastly, Yuji watches you and that smile that decorated your face fade before you force yourself to pull away.

“Strong heart,” you try to give Choso courage before you pull something out of your pocket. You don’t show him what you have, instead, you grab his hand and place the object on his palm before pushing his hand towards his heart.

Choso refuses to identify the object just yet to be able to hold your gaze for as long as he can. Even when you look out at the city past the rooftop you’re on and see Sukuna knock Maki out with a black flash, he refuses to lose sight of your beautiful face, hoping that some way, somehow, that would keep you with him where he could protect you.

“Strong heart,” you repeat tenderly as you tear your gaze away from the tragic scene and meet the worried but sweet gaze of the man you love. “Keep it safe until I come back.”

You leave Choso one last kiss before you walk back. When you’re on the edge of the rooftop, when you feel nothing but the air of the world below on the heel of your feet, you force yourself to tear your gaze away and finally give your back to Choso and Yuji before you can stay, or Choso could force you to stay by his side.

And it’s only once your figure nor your face are painted before his very eyes that Choso pulls back his fist and opens his hand, seeing the little red and orange glass swan he had given you so long ago.

You had left a piece of your love behind that he could hold onto while you fought bravely, and so knew that you meant it when you said you'd go back to him because it’s true, you do want to go back to him. You won’t die against Sukuna, that’s not your heart's desire. You’ll fight fiercely because he took something from you.

He took Nanako and Mimiko. He took the girls who taught you how to love full-heartedly. He took the girls who made you a mother. He took your daughters. He took your daughters who loved you unconditionally. He took them away from you and didn’t stop there. He continued to break your heart by taking your brother too.

He was your best friend. Your beloved brother and he killed him too!

You’d like to fight Sukuna because he took Satori’s uncle, but you’re more selfish than that because Satoru was your brother first. You’ve loved him all your life and she’s only known him for a year of hers, so no, you aren't fighting for justice for her uncle's death, you’re fighting for justice for your brother's death.

Your brother, your daughters. Sukuna took them away. He’s a monster and you’ll kill him, or you’ll make him feel a fraction of what he made you feel. You’ll burn him so he can feel that agony he put you through even if it means your death.

Luckily he doesn’t notice you towering over him, he’s too lost in his glory after scoring a black flash against a teenage girl to notice you. Besides your cursed energy isn’t as strong and flashy as Satoru’s or Okkotsu’s, and for once you’re grateful for it because you can jump off the roof towering over Sukuna without getting noticed. At least for a few seconds that is.

When you get close, when your shadow casts on the ground around him you see him turn his neck and lift his head to catch what’s approaching him, but you force the elements to your side and use the air as your dance floor to twirl around Sukuna’s head before he has the chance to see you with either of his four eyes. Once you're behind him again you let gravity pull you down, and wrap your legs around his neck, and slap your hands on his eyes.

“I’ll take you to hell,” you sneer and light your hands on fire to burn his eyes.

Sukuna quickly throws his hand back and grabs you by the back of your head, but you stab your burning fingers in his deformed eyes and burn your fire fiercely and so bright that your fury is as clear as the burning sun in the sky, causing the giant beast to sneer before he digs his claws in the back of your neck and finally rips you off his back and hurls you off him.

You manage to use the air to catch yourself before you can hit the ground, and swiftly flip in the air to land with both feet on the ground.

“You,” Sukuna snarls.

You stand up smoothly and face him with a menacing glare. “Me,” you mock him.

Smoke rises off his eyes burnt shut, making his optical advantage nothing more than another wound he can’t heal. Which inflates your ego, you do admit.

Seeing the great Sukuna wounded because of you makes you stupidly proud.

“I was wondering when you’d show up,” he doesn’t show any sign of defeat, and why would he? He just rolls his shoulders back and raises his nose further in the sky, casting his menacing glare on your delicate soul.

“I thought you’d be mewling over…” he trails off and taps his chin. “Who was it now?”

He’s just trying to tick you off. You can’t let him get to your head.

“I’ll burn you Sukuna Ryōmen,” you try to project your anger cool, you need to stay level-headed.

“Ah,” he snaps his fingers and lays his eyes on you. “Nanako, and Mimiko.”

You dig the heel of your feet into the ground and swallow back thickly at the sound of their precious names coming out of his dirty and cursed mouth.

“Oh, don’t forget Satoru Gojo too,” he brings up unbothered but with a taunting look pierced on you. “Dead brother, dead husband, and dead daughters.” He snickers under his breath and flashes off his wicked smirk.

And how can you stay so level-headed when he plays so carelessly when he tosses out the names of the people you love as if they meant nothing?

They meant the world. They were the world to you and he killed them. He took them away from you. You can’t behave so rationally, you can’t act with both mind and heart when it’s your heart that mourns and weeps.

You can’t.

You have to act with your blinding anger and with your agonizing grief. You have to kill him.

“I’ll kill you bastard!” You cry out fiercely.

Sukuna throws his arms out and begins to laugh manically. “Show me what you got oh Fallen One!” He bellows.

You blast off the ground and fly toward him with both fists basking with fire, and fury burning in your red-orange eyes.

However, instead of barreling your ignited fists in him, you use your cursed energy to manipulate the ground beneath his feet and rip off a piece of the ground to blast him to the sky.

You quickly follow him by meeting him in the sky and bring your hands together to display a dangerous hand sign.

“I am death. I am the One Fallen from Grace, and today Sukuna…you will know pain,” you grimace and pierce your glare into the depths of his soul to chant. “Domain expansion; StormsEnd!”

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Tagged- @deniseabad1928 @secondary-character-25 @starlightanyaaa @notsaelty @d4rno @moonnime @kodzukein @yozora7154 @heijihattorisgf @elegantweirdorchest @natakina

A/N- Flashforward or an illusion? Whatever it is, we need more of Choso and his babies.

[darknesseddiem]

𝐀𝐥𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐳: 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝟔𝟔

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: In the desolate confines of death row, the sinister presence of Eddie Munson casts a shadow over the world, a malevolent enigma shrouded in darkness and dread. Throughout the annals of time, he has remained an elusive specter, concealing the ghastly depths of his depravity beneath layers of impenetrable silence, his nefarious past a labyrinth of unspeakable horrors that have captivated the collective consciousness of humanity.

As the clamor of the world clamors for answers, a legion of investigators and agents converge upon the fortress-like walls of Alcatraz, their futile attempts to extract the truth from the reticent killer echoing like whispers in the abyss. How could one individual orchestrate such a chilling vanishing act, erasing themselves from the annals of history with chilling precision?

With each passing moment, the insidious tendrils of Eddie's enigma tighten their grip, ensnaring the unwitting in a web of intrigue and terror. As the world police organization exhausts every avenue in their pursuit of justice, their efforts are met with naught but silence and defiance from their elusive quarry.

Yet, amidst the chaos and cruelty that enshrouds his existence, Eddie's cryptic revelation sends shockwaves rippling through the corridors of power. For he, the harbinger of death and despair, yearns to immortalize his ghastly tale, to etch his legacy upon the annals of human history with blood-soaked ink.

In a world where shadows dance with sinister intent and the line between truth and fiction blurs into oblivion, Eddie Munson navigates a treacherous labyrinth of deceit and betrayal. As the fabric of reality unravels before his eyes, he learns the chilling truth that in a world gripped by darkness, trust is but a fragile illusion, and history itself is a tapestry woven with the threads of old and dark secrets, concealed from the prying eyes of the world.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: +18 MDNI, gore, mentions of blood; violence, descriptions of torture and death, Eddie is a serial killer, cannibalism, cruelty, mistery, Eddie is on the death row. More will be added with each chapter.

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: So, those who have followed me for a while have probably already read the first version of this fanfic, and have probably noticed how my way of writing has changed to this day. After a lot of study of creative writing, I decided to rewrite this story and post it again for you, I hope you enjoy following the trajectory of our favorite criminal.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟐,𝟒𝐤

𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫.

If you like my works, feel free to support me with a small 𝐊𝐨-𝐅𝐢!!

𝐄𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞: In the shadowy annals of crime, a figure emerges, casting a chilling pall over the world. Eddie Munson, infamous for his macabre deeds as a serial killer, now stirs fear with an unprecedented proposal. Like a sinister weaver, Eddie prepares to embroider a fabric saturated with long-held vengeance. Whispers of his scheme cloak his intentions in darkness, leaving observers to ponder the depths of his depravity.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧'𝐬 𝐍𝐞𝐬𝐭: A fleeting glimpse into your life in Paris reveals a tapestry woven with the threads of contentment. Amidst the quaint charm of your bustling bakery, you found solace in the artistry of your craft and the warmth of the friendships you cultivated. Yet, like an unyielding specter, the echoes of your past refuse to fade into obscurity.

𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐒𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬: At midnight's stroke, a phantom returns, unraveling a web of secrets. With each revelation, old scars bleed anew, casting shadows on the present.

Pretty edit by @birdysaturne.

[strawsoldier]

Summer 2024 Anime Round-Up

Supposed to come out last week but MHA and Monogatari decided to be weird and bleed over into next season (Not waiting for your final episode Monogatari)

Anime of the Season: "Oshi no Ko" Season 2

Best Opening: Tsuyogaru Girl (Makeine)

Best Ending: Burning ("Oshi no Ko" Season 2) & Kamakura STYLE (The Elusive Samurai)

Drops: Atri -My Dear Moments- & Alya Sometimes Hides Her Feelings in Russian

Plans to Watch at a later date: N/A

Completed:

Shoushimin Series - (9/10)

As it turned out the creator of Hyouka wasn't a "one hit wonder". (Though I don't know if they have other works outside of these two). Absolutely fantastic character study that can balanced being thoughtful, suspenseful and completely unhinged. I can't wait for S2 where we'll -hopefully- see Osanai finally punch someone.

Psuedo Harem - (7/10)

A anime with 'Harem' in the title that isn't trashy and is acutally...good? In today's society?

Been a while since I've seen a romcom this cute. Warning to any Saori Hayami fan watching this though. You definitely will fall in love with her more by watching this.

The Magical Girl and the Evil Lieutenant Used to Be Archenemies - (9/10)

The circumstances surrounding this manga are tragic but that didn't take away from this being an very well produced shoujo series. Bones definitely sought out to honor the late mangaka with this production and it paid off in the direction and cinematography. Also, as I grow older, I can't help but appreciate 12 minute anime episodes; as rare as they are.

Makeine: Too Many Losing Heroines! - (8.5/10)

The show I was most looking forward to every week. I don't think this writing was as smart as I thought it was, and lord knows I'm tired of light novels trying to be as meta as possible. But this show had a lot of heart and was very well directed for the director's (Shoutarou Kitamura) debut. Really hoping we get more of this someday.

Yatagarasu - (9/10)

My dark house of anime this cour. And maybe all year. This was one of my "Check it out cause it's getting good word of mouth" shows, and was instantly captivated. The world-building and character drama is so intense that every episode was exciting. My only critique would be how stiff the animation looked but from what I've gathered, this show was working with a rather small team at Pierrot. Please watch this show.

The Elusive Samurai - (6/10)

I really wanted to like this show more than I did. I was a huge fan of AssClass and a work from Cloverworks with Umehara as AniP? Sounds like a recipe for success. Unfortunately, this show didn't know what genre it wanted to be and it hampered my enjoyment quite a bit.

NieR:Automata Ver1.1a (Cour 2) - (8/10)

A2 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(also I need to keep playing the game cause wtf was that final episode)

Wistoria: Wand and Sword - (7/10)

You can take the Black Clover out of Yoshihara but you can't the Yoshihara ou- uhhh.

Honestly I'm not sure how to write my feelings on this show outside of "Danmachi/Black Clover" love child. We will be there for S2

"Oshi No Ko" Season 2 - (10/10)

They told me Tokyo Blade arc was a peak fiction...At this point, my only fear is that OnK can only go downward from here.

Also everyone in this show needs therapy (though if you've seen one episode of this, you probably knew that already.)

Mission: Yozakura Family - (7/10)

Damn you Disney+!!! How many more shows must be put in your jail and remain hidden from the world. This show reminds me a lot of Hitman Reborn which maybe is why I stuck around to watch it till the end. It did get kind of dumb once they explained the powers but still very enjoyable.

Also shoutout to the ED "Kekkon Koushinkyoku" for being a really really cute ending that didn't make my favorite ED of the season, but still felt it worth mentioning.

My Hero Academia Season 7 - (8.5/10)

Usually when a show gets a new director it get's a decline in quality with the size of that decline varying from show to show. But sometimes, you get a new director that just knows what she's doing and takes MHA to some of it's best seasonal run since Season fucking Three back in 2018!!!!!

*cough* what I'm trying to say is "MHA IS FUCKING BACK"

Monogatari Series: Off & Monster Season - (8/10)

Fuck you monogatari for not finishing in time and delaying my round up. uhh anyway Monogatari is back and still as peak as ever. Nadeko and Shinobu are high up in my "best monogatari girls" tier list (Shinobu is actually no.1) so it was a treat to see them get focus again. Nadeko's arc high the hardest for me in what it means to confront and move on from you past. Just great writing once again. Can't add more than what I've been saying since Bake.

[wren-dy-flowergarden]

The Monster Inside All of Us ★ pt.1

✦ *.✧.* Monsters live in us, they are our being, they are a part of us, and no matter what we can't outrun them. But we can learn to live and even thrive in their presence. You new neighbor- Bachira Meguru- teaches you about a world different than your own. Word Count: 2.2k / Bachira x gn!reader

Tags: topics of abuse, found family, childhood friends got your back, character study.

*TW: some uncomfortable topics of mental health leading to abuse off screen, not understanding violence, little gore, please be careful.

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A/N: Hi guys! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° Thank you all so much for your patience with me, writing has been a little difficult lately (Im not the happiest with how this turned out but eh). This is more of a journal than story for me. There should be two or three parts depending on what feels right. I hope you enjoy and again some difficult topics will be explored, so please take care of yourself! PS: Child Meguru is precious protect him at all cost.☆★☆

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There is a monster in all of us.

At least that is what your dad is screaming, on the ground sobbing underneath the weight of two bodies restraining him. His eyes pleading, looking to your mother cradling her right arm, swollen, and dripping.

Big eyes try to see more through the thin crack in the door. It sounded like glass cracking or the thumps you heard earlier. Your small mind was wild with fear, and your imagination made it worse.

But most importantly, you wanted needed to see your mom's face.

A lot of things happened because of that night. Your mother would receive pity words filled with blank stares from neighbors that contrasted itself with the usual snacks and kind greetings from before.

Your mother's face became more sullen now that your father was off in re-ha-bili-tee?

You go to school, a small school where everyone knew everyone, and everyone knew everyone's "situations".

About a week later, you finally realized what your father meant when Matsuhiro, the class clown and the boy who would agree with anything to make him seem more "grown up", opened his stupid mouth during arts and crafts.

"My mommy tells me that your mommy should have taken it and been a good wife."

You didn't really understand what he meant by "taken it" and "good wife", because your mom was the best mom in the whole world but the way his seven-year-old face sneered down at you made you angry- no it was something more than anger.

The next thing you realize is your soft bloody knuckles bleeding and Matsuhiro pleading the exact same way your dad did those nights ago, and he wailed lips cracked and eyes swollen.

"You're a monster!"

It didn't bother you much as you landed another punch near his temple, because duh of course there is a monster in you.

There is a monster in everyone.

It wasn't long after, that you and your mom make the drastic move to Tokyo to live next to your mother's best friend from college. 'Her name is Yuu she is an amazing artist.' your mother says packing a backpack to the brim with trinkets, art supplies, and snacks.

On the bus ride there, your mother looks exhausted, big black seeps carve out her eyes and you don't really remember the last time your mom smiled.

She made you pinky promise while getting off the bus that you never, in her words, "hit a person again". She muttered something else along the lines of 'bills' also, but you squeezed her pinky either way because it put a smile on her face and made her happy.

That’s the most important thing. 

Back then, in the principal’s office, you refused to repeat what Matsuhiro said in front of everybody including his parents and your own mother. He couldn't say anything either with his lips swollen shut.

In the back of your mind, you shrug as you squeeze your pinkies together. Besides Matsuhiro wasn't a person, he is a monster.

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You eventually make it to an apartment complex that was at least ten times bigger than your own. It was so big! It felt like it could touch the sky. Maybe you be living in the sky!

An audible sigh of relief comes from your mother behind you, lugging at least three suitcases.

Your hopes were dashed when you realized that apartment 109 meant you were on the first floor and not the hundredth. The door frame hung the sign, Bachira Yuu. Your mother flattening out her shirt gives a hesitant knock against the wood before the door burst open.

A woman, taller than your mother brown eyes light up at the sight of you two as if Christmas just knocked on her door, hair pulled back into a messy bun and streaks of blues and yellows adorned a pink jumper as she hugs your mother.

You were going to jump at her until your mother tentatively puts her arms around her as well, making it look like the second awkward hug in the history of hugs.

"Chiyu-chan!" She lets out and gawk because only you were called "chan" in the neighborhood, "How have you been! Oh is this little (Y/N)-chan. Almost as big as Meguru."

She squats down your head barely meeting her eyes as she ruffles your hair, "Ahhhh, maybe just a bit taller than my Meguru." Callused hands grab your chubby cheeks pulling out your lips into a smile before she squeals, "So cute!"

You really didn't want this women's colorful hands to be on your cheeks but glancing at your mother who had a semblance of a grin made you resist.

Small feet pitter-patter into the apartment, across the floors were tarps filled with half-empty buckets filled with blues, purples, to reds. The smell of the arts and craft room filled this apartment, it was nice.

Your mother's friend, Yuu Bachira, crossed the room swapping extra materials with her feet creating room, "Sorry sorry! I just got so focused on my recent project and forgot to clean, forgive me?" She gives a little wink as her hand rubs the back of her nape.

You expect a frown to form on your mother's face, she always bustled around your previous flat with strict diligence making sure no dust, no objects, and nothing were out of place.

Instead, she looked happy…?

"You're always the same Yuu-chan." And physically you take a step back, because "chan"! Your mother who notices everything about you, including how your mouth is now open in shock, chuckled before pushing you towards the gushing woman, " Yuu-chan has won a lot of awards for her art, maybe she could teach you a thing or two?"

You close your mouth, excitement already in your eyes.  Last month you almost won first place at the elementary school art contest (instead you won an honorary position because having seven-year-olds vote is rigged especially when you were the talk of the town). The first prize was a month's worth of popsicles, but you only won a little sticker book instead. You remember sticking many of them on the refrigerator.

Yuu crouches on the ground reaching your eye level.  "Then how about you see my latest project? I desperately need your advice for the final touches!"

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Looking at her art piece made your little eyes widen in astonishment. Swirls of purples and blue melded over yellow wash as the colors twisted and turned with her paintbrush delicately. With inspiration came chaos and she would dip her fingers into a side bucket of paint before flicking yellow sparks around the edges. If you cris crossed your eyes hard enough together it almost looked like two eyes staring back at you.

"Do you like it?" You hear Yuu say before she walks over to her canvas that dwarfs her, she puts a hand on the rim of it, "I tried to capture the essence of it."

You look at the piece, hues of blue accented with the yellow probably from her fingertips, it's amazing.

She grins as if she heard your thoughts, "Thank you, I am proud of this one." You blink, did she read your mind?

You were about to speak, out loud, until the sounds of metal banged across from you two leading you to jump head darting left and right.

Yuu pats you on the back and a calm rushes over your beating heart, "Perfect timing." before she walks to the edge of her studio unlocking a metal door painted in reds and oranges. A small boy, shorter than you stumbles in eyes red, cuts on his arms and cheeks. Dark brown hair with yellow highlights that curled around the nape up wearing a grass-stained shirt decorated with a shark.

Yuu smile now gone lowers herself onto her knees rubbing her fingertips along the side of his head along with his arms. Satisfied with what she was looking for she brushed the strands of grass left on his shirt before standing up, "Now how did you get this way hm?"

The boy looks down before kicking the ground, "They asked me to play soccer and then-" he looks up eyebrows furrowing as he stomped his foot, "they called me weird! Weird 'cause they couldn't get the ball away from me!" He stares as Yuu confused, "but they aren't right. They should just be better!"

She gives a small nod before pulling out a band-aid from one of her many pockets and placing it on his nose. “You know Meguru-kun, they are just jealous of you.” She says while rubbing out some grass from his hair, “they probably can’t hear ‘it’ anymore.”

You blink. It?

You really need to control your mouth more because the boy lets out a little shout before looking around his mother towards you as if he didn’t expect you to be there. He peers up at his mother’s eyes, “Mommy who is that?” Clear fascination shows in his eyes as he points toward you.

Maybe it’s the way he looks at you, like how previous people would stare makes your stomach flip but your strong, and your mother taught you first impressions are important, “Im (Y/N). Im your….” You look towards his mother because you really weren’t sure what you are now. Yuu finishes your sentence, “our new neighbor Meguru-kun.”

By the look on his face, it seems like he is about to ask a million questions, but you're faster as you clamor towards Yuu. You point to the painting, its hues vibrant against the sun leaking in, “What do you mean by ‘it’?”

This must throw her for a loop because she starts tapping her foot against the floor, head tilting a bit, “Ah how to say it. Like something that burns in your soul.” She snaps her fingers, “Oh! Like a monster, something a bit scary but something strong.”

Your head also tilts in confusion as her son speaks, “Monsters? You mean like the ones on TV?” he puffs his chest out a bit, “but those don’t exist!”.

You think of the monsters you’ve encountered. They didn’t look like the televised ones but they felt the same. The way the previous neighbors looked at you after the incident, Matsuhiro sneering down at you and most importantly you remember the far-off look your mother would have after “incidents” staring blankly at the wall when she thought you were asleep.

You can still hear apologies muffled through thin wooden doors.

.

.

.

"What do you mean? Of course, there are monsters."

You blink as the two of them look at you almost surprised by the steadiness of your voice. The boy’s face shows clear excitement, but his mother read of something you could not understand as her lips clenched tight.

Taking a step closer to the boy you point at his chest, "It’s right there, inside." A pause as you reflect, “The monster.”

He points to his chest also, his small fingers mimicking yours at a short distance as he presses against himself. He looks in awe as if he can see the latest Godzilla hosted inside of himself. That’s not what you mean.

You repeat again, slower, "We all have monsters in us. That's what my dad told me. They take us."

Bright yellow eyes twinkled understanding filling in, "Oh, Like when I can't stop dribbling!"

A frown appears on your lips, you didn't know what "dribbling" is, but he seemed to be the only one who might understand as Yuu still wore a lisp of a frown on the edge of her lips before taking a deep breath. The smile you were used to seeing set on her face again.

His mother puts a hand on both of your guy’s foreheads rubbing both of your hair till it’s a mess. Well, his hair was already filled with grass and twigs yours would probably be filled by dried paint at the end of the day.

"That's right you two. A huge monster lives in both of your hearts, a voice that pushes you to follow yourself though-" she lightly flicks the tip of her son's nose where he let out a little 'ow', "violence is not good. People are jealous of how you both follow that voice."

She gives a smile before bringing the two of you into a hug, "When people grow up, they stop listening, stop believing in its own fleeting yet precious voice." She brings them back looking into their eyes, "But that a waste isn't it!"

She turns back to her artwork with pride, admiration, and longing all put into one, "I still believe you should listen to its voice because look at the beauty behind it."

Her son brightens, but you think about her words.

How it held a warm sort of kindness when she speaks about her said ‘monster’.

It’s voice guiding her…

You wonder why the voice was telling you to aim for Matsuhiro's temples instead of his nose.

And then you start to wonder, as you look at his mother's artwork if there were different monsters out there.

Not kind monsters.

Especially in you

[superemeralds]

How do you tend to go about writing fanfiction? Like do you have a lot of outline or any other interesting things about your processed you could share?

my process is kinda all over the place, just like my brain haha. what i do to help myself not get lost in all that is having a strict rule where before i start writing teh actual prose, i need to have at least a bulletpoint outline of the major events that need to happen in the story. this helps me know what i'm working towards, instead of being lost and eventually paralyzed when I run out of ideas of how to proceed OR (and that happens way more often than having no ideas) i have TOO MANY ideas and i can't decide where to go.

for my black arms maria fic for example i had a rough outline that looked a little like this: (under cut for spoilers, click here if u want to read it first; warning for body horror and blood and gross things (tho very mild if im honest))

5 chapters, each about a stage of a star CH1: how maria gets to go on the ark, roots of her issues, basically where the seeds are sown for the inevitable explosion in the end, how the aliens come into play CH2: the introduction of shadow and the black arms DNA, maria's loathing, innocent little girl corruption arc, she pushes shadow away VS he is taken away and she wants him back, her mental state starts to crack CH3: how it came to the ark raid: maria hides her mutations, parallels to her relationship with shadow, her mental state corrupting with the mutaions, "bloody nose" by the used, black arms hivemind link: black doom talks to her, superiority inferiority complex: she plans to kill shadow CH4: her alone with her mutations, many years spent plotting, biolizard, how gerald is involved and how it fits into sa2 plot CH5: sa2 rewritten to fit the premise, lots of shadows perspective

(as u see i have mentioned a song; making a playlist also helps me a ton bc i vibe a lot to music and it inspires me a lot! It helps that i naturally always arrange playlists in chronological order of a story...)

after i have somehting like that i can start doing more detailed outlines. i dont have the ones for the early chapters anymore but this is what ch4 looked like (i use colored text to make it stand out next to written paragraphs that i will do right above the notes):

This chapter maria wakes up and realizes shes not dead.  shes in despair, trying to move but she CANT. at least not much. the stress knocking her out for a few months. she can at least crawl closer to the core reactor. spends 7 years just lying there and regenerating > when she finally can get up she frantically looks for info on the ark. and gerald and shadow (After a few months she finally managed to find a rhythm for physical activity in between studying notes and files, and heading to the dark chamber for a new lizard's tail. Her condition improved with more nutrition, but she did feel herself becoming unstable, nose bleeds increased.

[Maria gets visions of black arms as she mutates more and more] she trashes the place Her hivemind link is what makes her grow increasingly craving murder and total destruction. I mean she already does bc of finding out dirty dirty secrets about the ark it just increases to 9000)

(She starts growing a long tail and she despairs when she sees herself in the mirror, looking exactly as she saw in her vision years and years ago, turning into the monster she feared (She plots her ultimate plan. Understanding how the ark works, how chaos energy works. Finishing the eclipse canon. [Thinking about how to get shadow to do what she wants. Knowing he was in cryo shortly after his trauma it would be impossible to reason with him, not immediately at least. Not if it was her. Knowing she herself was deeply fueled by rage, hatred, disappointment and despair…. The same emotions would fuel shadow greatly. She saw what he was capable of, she knew what *she* was capable of. Geralds message would only need slight alterations since her own plans came pretty close (???) Some boffoon that shared their family name was wreaking havok on the planet, trying to turn it into metal. She had to admit it was a more noble plan of destruction than her own. (???) Maybe. Cut? When gerald is interogated by gun on the weapon he made bc they found it, he puts on a show, saying shadow is dangerous and needs to be contained. He is the only one who knows how to, before it is too late. This is how shadow ends up in cryo and why the password is maria. Why would gun use maria as password like cmon. Anyway this is also how he smuggled a small video into shadows pod where when he wakes up he will be introduced to the plan. During his execution he choses his last words carefully, leaving an encoded message for maria when she wakes up. Maria, at first, doesn't get the code. Shes just confused and spends a long while just learning more abt the ark. But ahe watches the video often just to have like. Company? She herself grows more and more angry with everything so when she notices the code and learns abt the plan. Shes on board. Sure. Lets fucking go. ] she studies the ark, she studies geralds notes on shadow, she studies all data on black arms she can get her hands on all while doing that she STILL gets that stupid dream. she still gets visions, especially when reading their language She makes her plans to kill the world. chapter ends with her sending eggman an encoded message that he won’t be able to resist cracking

as u can tell not all of it made it into the chapter but that was just me thinking "aloud" about all the stuff that had to do w the chapters main premise. the original outline was short and vague enough to give me freedom to think but constricted enough to not let me wander off into making up completely random new stuff!

idk if this helps, but this is how i write nowadays and it works well for me :] im finally finishing things instead of abandoning them!

[hpowellsmith]

March Reading

I read a lot of books this month, and had great luck with how much I enjoyed them! Favourites are bolded.

Brute: Stories of Dark Desire, Masculinity & Rough Trade - ed. Steve Berman

A collection of dark erotica stories about queer men: a variety of horror, thriller, and character studies. Some didn't entirely land for me as they were just a bit too gruesome for me to entirely enjoy, but I did love 'Dark, Firm, and Dry' by Rien Gray, 'Dick Pig' by Ian Muneshwar, and 'The Boy Who Went Forth To Learn What Fear Was by LC Von Hessen'; 'Suitcase Sam' by Tom Cardamone was horrific enough to disturb me afterwards. There were a few trans guy protagonists but amid a lot of lovingly-described gigantic cis men, trans men didn't get described as objects of desire; it made me realise how much I'd like to read more erotica or steamy romance where a trans man is written in the lavish/idealised/thirsty way a lot of the cis men were in this collection. It was also interesting that most of the protagonists were strongly submissive; it's sparked off a lot of offline conversations about erotic fiction and depictions of kink therein, and my own thoughts about how I write erotic scenes (though I don't consider what I write intensely kinky). I'd enjoy writing more about this subject but I'm not sure Tumblr is the place for it; maybe a blogpost one day?

Love Kills Twice - Rien Gray

I adored this high-heat F/NBi romantic suspense book. The characters were hot and appealing, with a lot of substance and groundedness to them along with it. The plot was tight and I devoured the whole thing at top speed. Much recommended!

The Salt Path - Raynor Winn

A memoir about a fifty-year-old farmer and her husband who became homeless and walked England's South West Coast Path. Powerful and evocative in places: I enjoyed it, though some of the descriptions and dialogue of the people encountered melted into one another a bit. I'm realising that I rather like these people-hit-rock-bottom-and-walk-in-the-wilderness-about-it books. They always inspire me to look outward and get outdoors, albeit in a lower-key way.

The Eye in the Door - Pat Barker (reread)

This was quite nostalgic for me, because I read it a long time ago (before the first in the series, actually). I like elements of it more than Regeneration - getting to know Billy Prior better, the city scenes, depiction of queerness and homophobia beyond what Siegfried Sassoon talks about in Regeneration, some of the socialist politics and class consciousness - but the main plot hadn't fully stuck with me. I think I see why: there are several long sequences that I found hard to focus on, and some of it is a bit strange, veering into depictions of multiple-personality-disorder that have been pretty debunked nowadays. Still, I enjoyed revisiting it. The sense that William Rivers is on the verge of breakdown feels palpable and gripping.

Love Bleeds Deep - Rien Gray

Justine and Campbell are on a not-so-idyllic not-exactly-honeymoon in France, growing accustomed to life together and the combination of enjoying a private life and Campbell's deadly occupation. This doesn't shy away from the psychological damage both leads have suffered, while also showing exactly how much they mean to each other. Again I loved it just as much as the first one.

Love Burns Bright - Rien Gray

So many romance books focus on the sexy getting-together part, and sequels don't always keep the spark going. But this series is so good for that and for keeping the emotional connections between the gorgeous characters. In this one, we meet Justine's family, which is already fraught as Justine wasn't in a position to be in touch with them for a long time - but things soon get complicated. I loved it.

A Love So Dark - Rien Gray

Such a good finale for an amazing dark queer romance series! The relationship between Justine and Campbell is beautifully drawn and as hot as ever - no weird misunderstandings or other relationship-drama nonsense - but their situation is anything but settled as some consequences from earlier books come back to haunt them. What a fantastic series this is! Some of the books I've read about nonbinary characters treat them as learning opportunities, or as nice best friends, or as a vehicle for positive rep, and I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see a fully-formed, hot, flawed, adult nonbinary character making their way through excellent thriller plots. I love Campbell and Justine and I'm sorry to see them go, but it was an amazing ride with them.

Valerin the Fair - Rien Gray

A beautifully-written fantasy novella, the first in the Out of True series about sapphic knights. The details are so lovely - they remind me of what I loved about the prose style in Spear by Nicola Griffith - and the intimate scenes are stunning. You can download this for free, so if this sounds like your cup of tea, do give it a look!

[girlgawain]

for the ask game, asking something obvious like damian + 1, 4, 8, 21

and asking something less obvious like miriam caskey + 5, 9, 12, 26

because blackwater needs some love

character ask game

Great choice of blorbos: you always know how to get my attention <3

Answers under the cut because it got long winded very fast; also tw for self harm discussion

Damian (Darkest Dungeon)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Where do i even begin? I love how self destructive he is, or, to be more specific, how he turns his self destruction into a holy mission, the only valid way to repent for his and other people's sins, feeling superior to everyone else because of said "holy" self destruction. I love the contradiction between his self-punishment through mortification of the flesh and sense of superiority because of the same mortification of the flesh: for this reason i headcanon him acting "holier than thou" especially towards the other religious characters, as if his way of worshipping the Light is the only "true" one, while the others aren't willing to literally rip themselves apart for their faith (i especially headcanon him mocking Reynauld for wearing armour, but this is not a question about headcanons so i digress).

I also love what they did with him in the second game, taking his zealotry and its contradictions to an extreme. I know that not everyone was convinced about his fear and ability to escape Death, but i think it fits the character: he wants to suffer, not to die (or at least, not die as a consequence of his self-harm). The game itself makes this moment more about the pleasure he feels by hurting himself, but also i think there is a less explored angle which is hinted at in some barks (i am thinking especially of the "I am already damned - what's the harm?" bark at the Academic's Study and the several barks talking about "deliverance"): that he fears death not only because he doesn't want to stop suffering, but also because he feels like he hasn't suffered enough to deserve salvation yet. I wish this angle of his character was explored more, but in a game with so relatively little dialogue, i'll take what i get.

Also i like how he works in gameplay: giving enemies massive bleeds while an inch away from death makes me feel powerful.

tl;dr: i think his relationship with self-harm and religion is very interesting and i have spent way too much time thinking about it.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

You know this because we discussed it irl, but i think it would be funny if he and John Ward (from Faith: the Unholy Trinity) switched games.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I don't engage a lot with fandom outside of my mutual circle (or even in said circle), but a thing i've noticed and started to dislike is when people reduce him to "loony (sado)masochist".

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favourite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

My first ever fanfiction was about him! His characterization is just that compelling to me. I love that i can have a lot of fun and be super extra in my writing because he is that extra in the game; also getting in that "self-destructive but holier than thou" headspace while being able to step back and acknowledge to myself how dysfunctional it is was a very cathartic experience for me. (also i have an idea for another fic about him, but i don't know when/if i will ever write it)

As for things i don't like, i can't think of anything, at the moment.

Miriam Caskey (Blackwater)

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

I never thought about this, but just as i read the question my mind immediately went to Oh no! by Marina, which is weird because i haven't listened to this song in ages, so there's your answer.

9. Could you be roomates with this character?

I think yes, but only if we just shared the space and never talked to each other if it wasn't necessary, otherwise she could get on my nerves pretty quickly.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

My girl is aromantic as fuck: how else can you explain her reasoning behind finally getting married at forty years old literally being "oh well, that's an item i haven't checked off my checklist yet: guess i should do it *shrug*" and then her choice being first guy she could think of because he was around her all the time already?

26. What's something the character has done you can't get over? Be it something funny, bad, good, serious, whatever?

There are many moments i could pick from but i chose the one from book 4, when she chooses to attend the Catholic college just to surprise (and maybe even spite) her family, has a terrible time there but doesn't even consider going back home because she thinks they wouldn't welcome her, and then finally opens up to Grace and Sister when they come check up on her: it's the first time we see the fragile, wounded girl under her tough exterior, it's the starting point of her character development and it's the point when i realized that she would be my favourite character of the entire series.

[pseudowho]

Hi, how are you doing? I hope well. I wanted to share with you a fact that is making me think about my life choices. I am a first-year student at the university of nursing, I study hard and try my best in all subjects, however I suffer from hemetophobia (if you don't know what it is it is a frightening fear of vomiting or seeing someone vomiting). When I enrolled in college I thought this fear would go away with time, which has been confirmed to me by several students in my major, however I have serious doubts because just the idea of dealing with vomiting makes me shake and I start having very strong panic or anxiety attacks. You might think I was stupid to choose a profession where vomiting is inevitable, but I want to help people and make them feel better in my role as a nurse and I want to go to therapy to overcome this fear. Also, it makes me feel terribly sick to think that maybe I won't be able to cope with a pregnancy because of too much fear of nausea or that if I have sick children someday I won't be able to help them. I have found that this phobia is very common but it is not talked about enough 💔.

P.S. I really like your content and the way you write is so warm and welcoming that I often come here to read when I feel down. You have managed to create a safe place to take refuge.♥️ Sorry if there are any mistakes, but English is not my first language.

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

Hi! Sorry it took me a minute to answer this one.

So I think you mean emetophobia, a fear of vomiting (either oneself, or others, or both). It's more common than you'd think, and also more common than you'd think for those working as healthcare professionals.

So, us midwives joke that we've all got our one 'thing' that we don't cope with well. Midwives tend to see every single bodily fluid and function pretty regularly; passing urine, vomiting, bowel movements, bleeding, snot/phlegm, bile, other fluids and functions...and we all have 'one' that we struggle to get along with.

For a lot of midwives, that's vomit and vomiting. It is, to a certain degree, emetophobia.

I care for a lot of pregnant women who suffer from emetophobia; naturally, pregnancy does come with its share of nausea and vomiting. Just to reassure you, we tend to prescribe anti-emetics (drugs to prevent nausea and/or vomiting) to women with emetophobia, sooner than to their non-emetophobic counterparts. The care we provide is holistic and equitable; we respond to each individual as per their need, both physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual. I hope this assuages your fears for any future pregnancies of your own.

Regarding coping with your emetophobia (and vomiting patients) in your profession, I have a few things to say/recommend:

You may genuinely find that while you are wearing your 'healthcare professional hat', the caregiver role takes precedence over your phobia. I cope with certain fears much, much better while I am wearing a certain 'hat', than I do when I am simply 'Haitch'.

However, it does sound like your phobia is really quite significant; panic/anxiety attacks would suggest a severe phobia. There are still things you can do.

I really, really, highly recommend some career-related therapy and counselling. You may be able to start some CBT, find the roots of your phobia, and work with a psychologist or psychiatrist or counsellor to form the coping mechanisms you would need to get through your course. This is not the end of your career choice of Nursing.

When you qualify as a Nurse (and I am saying when, as I believe you can overcome this), I advise choosing a Nursing pathway where you have the lowest chance of seeing vomiting! i.e. Don't work in the emergency room, or gastric care, or paediatrics.

I also recommend you let your colleagues know! Tell them that you suffer with this phobia, and that you're doing all you can to work on it, but that you may appreciate some extra help in the future when managing a vomiting patient. You'll find that then perhaps, one day, they will want help with a phobia of their own. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Regarding coping with your children and vomiting, in the future, I will say one thing and one thing only:

When your baby needs help, you become superwoman; you will do anything and everything to help them, and your fears don't exist for that moment that they need you.

When I would never, ever have done it before, I have grabbed large spiders barehanded off of my children, I have caught their vomit in my hands (yes, really), I have put myself in seriously dangerous situations to help them...and without even a second of thought.

That's just parenthood.

Okay?

You're not stupid to have chosen this profession. You are not stupid to still want to be pregnant and have children one day. There are ways forward, and the fact that you've recognised that this is a problem, and that you want to overcome it, is a wonderful, and powerful first step. So, very well done to you.

☝️ You, to your patients in the future, perhaps?

Thank you for loving my blog. I try to keep it safe, funny and helpful.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx