#my sister liked it so it's done :')

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[doctorsiren]

I’ve been thinking about that plush of Serizawa where they made him into a Bernese Mountain Dog

[yea-baiyi]

say what you want about svsss but hands down the most distraught i have ever been while reading a mxtx novel is after the bing-ge extra. what do you mean he asked shen qingqiu to come with him. what do you mean “it’s not fair”. what do you mean he looked back.

[here-comes-the-moose]

For some reason I was thinking about Echo introducing the Bad Batch (minus Omega) as his “stinky little brothers” and I can’t stop laughing 🤣

[marimbles]

being bad at video games is fun because it makes your character a uniquely stupid yet resilient and plucky sort of hero. an underdog no one would ever expect to win. so if you finally do it feels like slightly different and potentially funner version of the story. It’s like look, this idiot FINALLY beat the big bad guy! it took them 900 tries but by Jove they did it! WOOOOOO! GO IDIOT!!! YOU DID IT, BUD 👏 ⁽ᵉᵛᵉⁿᵗᵘᵃˡˡʸ⁾

[ray935sworld]

Top 10 thing Julia Marquez had to go through:

LIKE IMAGINE Marc bringing Vale for Christmas dinner and Alex bringing Luca. Julia would be so done

[tj-crochets]

Finished the rainbow shorts!!!

[anonymouscheeses]

I'm gonna be shitting and screaming and starting fights if Sera becomes a villain. I can't take sibling angst, Sera loves Emily I swear guys believe meeee.

[respectthepetty]

*about my stand-in* A chained up kidnapping plot? And it's only episode 4? Why I never!

I originally thought it was going to be sexy times with Joe's hands tied behind him when he lifted Ming's shirt with his mouth.

Only to realize during the fourth episode's previews that Ming was going to fuck Joe over.

And yet . . . I loved it because it actually showed how crazy Ming is . . .

ABOUT JOE!

We know Ming is jealous and possessive, but he didn't hold Joe hostage to help Tong but because Tong activated Ming's batshit crazy behavior the second he mentioned Sol.

So, like, good for him really loving Joe in a completely fucked up way where he'd rather tie Joe up, feed him, and spend all his money on him just to keep him away from his friend.

That's the toxic behavior I like to see!

What a fucking pathetically insane asshole.

I love him the most-est.

[ollylotl]

screenshots from another timeline...

(website is not real)

the clearer image of the game:

[s4ndg3m]

ok yeah im starting to see the appeal of this dude. however, MAKE HIM SHRIMPIER!!!!! that little spike thing is supposed to look like hair but be that weird horn frill thing shramp have. and, of course, whiskers.

[paupelou]

[milkweedman]

Me: aaagh I have so much shit to do Sunday. Need to make sure I stay on track.

Me approximately 2 hours later: made a guy.

Made a snail yesterday too actually. Turns out it's very easy to make a terrible snail. His name is Snorbert (short for Snail Norbert, of course).

The sheep's name is southdown, for anyone curious, due to incredible resemblance between him and the southdown in my Fleece and Fiber Sourcebook.

Some baby pictures.

[campbyler]

Are you guys gonna update the estimated chapter release ?

hello hello a tentative estimate for the chapter upload has been updated! me and thea have both been in the trenches for the last couple weeks for various reasons (or just generally busy) so we unfortunately haven’t been on this blog or writing as much but we’re hoping to get this chapter out in the next several weeks! we’ve both been dealing with some hell shifts at work and also just life in general has been throwing some curveballs our way so we do appreciate you guys lending us so much grace but also understand that an estimate is nice to have 🫡 obviously the update is not set in stone yet but we hope this gives you a vague something to look forward to!

[risegoobie]

here’s swannie from Swanatello by @tangledinink

i just love this comic sm, its amazing

go read it

[coquelicoq]

the best reason to socialize is so that you will have stories to tell other people while you're socializing with them. it's a racket. a pyramid scheme. it's all built on air