#my sister (half-sister but also only sister so. sister) is half jewish and used to call me bubeleh growing up and it made me feel loved

[hanukkitty]

yiddish and yiddishkayt and ashkenazi culture feel so cozy in my soul. i'm feeling embarrassingly mushy about it

[girlactionfigure]

the pain of October 7

OCTOBER 7, 2024

For months, I couldn't figure out what I wanted to say on the anniversary of October 7. 

I want to explain to the non-Jewish, non-Israeli world just why and how October 7 and its aftermath have been so painful.

This wasn't "just" another massacre. It wasn't "just" another terrorist attack. This was different, and I want all of you to understand why.

Comments closed for my mental sanity.

THE PAIN OF FAMILIARITY

There are 15 million Jews in the world. About half of them live in Israel. We are just 0.2 percent of the world’s population. Just about every single Jewish person in the world has family and/or friends living in Israel. We are a tiny minority. When one Jew is hurting, all Jews are hurting.

Some 1200 Israelis were slaughtered over the course of several hours on October 7. Proportionally speaking, this would be equivalent to the slaughter of 50,000 Americans in a single day. But it wasn’t just murder. About 80 percent of the bodies showed signs of torture, including mutilation, decapitation, and rape. And while of course the very idea of this happening to 50,000 Americans is absolutely horrifying, Jews are also a family in a way that Americans just are not. We have been a family for 3000 years. This didn’t happen to strangers. This happened to family members. 

Just about every Jewish person is one to two degrees separated from at least one victim, survivor, or hostage of October 7. Everyone in Israel knows somebody. Every single time I post something about a victim or survivor of October 7, I get a flurry of messages from my Jewish followers: “that’s my aunt,” “that’s my cousin,” “that’s my brother’s close friend,” “I met her once.”

As Jewish poet and activist Emma Lazarus wrote in 1883 when describing the violent massacres rampaging the Jews of the Russian Empire, “when the life and property of a Jew in the uttermost provinces of the Caucuses are attacked, the dignity of a Jew in free America is humiliated.” Likewise, the Talmud tells us, “All of Israel [the Jewish people] is responsible for one another.”

On October 7, all of Israel was responsible for one another. And yet we we were helpless to save 1200 of our brothers and sisters from the worst of humanity. That’s an intimate, personal kind of hurt that is difficult to explain.

THE PAIN OF GENERATIONAL TRAUMA

Entire Jewish families set on fire. Children hiding in cupboards from monsters who came to kill them. Killers shooting at Jews running across a field as though it were for sport. Jews begging for their lives just before being mercilessly executed, at point-blank range. Mutilated Jewish corpses paraded across the streets to cheering crowds of thousands of civilians. Kicking, spitting, jeering.

This depravity evoked the most painful memories of the Holocaust. 

I tried to explain this to my therapist. “October 7 felt like a PTSD flashback to a trauma that isn’t mine,” I said. “A trauma that I never personally went through.”

It’s true. I’ve never personally survived the Holocaust, or any of the myriad of pogroms in Europe and the Middle East, or the Farhud, or the Inquisition. I hadn’t been born yet! But I carry those traumas in my bones, in my blood. On October 7, I felt all of it, for the first time, but also for the millionth time. It’s difficult to explain. 

Jews believe that every single Jewish soul — past, present, and future — was present at Mount Sinai when Moses received the Ten Commandments. The suffering of our ancestors is our suffering; the joy of our ancestors is our joy. For example, we are commanded during Passover to see ourselves as though we, ourselves, were slaves in Egypt.

Maybe this explains what I felt on October 7.

THE PAIN OF WIDESPREAD COMPLICITY

As of the writing of this post, the Red Cross, violating its very own mandate, has not visited the hostages in Gaza once. You could argue, of course, that only Hamas and its terrorist allies have access to the hostages, and none of this is the Red Cross’s fault. This would be a valid argument, I guess, if the Red Cross was exhausting every possible avenue to reach the hostages. But they haven’t. They haven’t even tried. Instead, they’ve chastised the families of the hostages, telling them to put aside their agony and “think about the people in Gaza.”

It’s hard to describe the abandonment that you feel when the very “humanitarian” institutions that are meant to protect you betray you. During the Holocaust, the Red Cross toured Auschwitz and announced that they had not found “extermination installations,” an obvious bold-faced lie to anyone who has ever stepped foot in the Nazis’ largest death camp. After the Holocaust, it was the Red Cross, with the collaboration of the Vatican, that helped tens of thousands of Nazi war criminals escape to South America. The head of the Red Cross decried the Nuremberg Trials as “Jewish revenge,” as though there’s something nefarious about bringing Jew-killers to justice.

The United Nations, the supposed safeguard of human rights, was actively complicit in October 7 and has been complicit every day since. It’s impossible to get past the bone-chilling betrayal of seeing United Nations workers slaughtering and kidnapping Jews on camera, or reading as thousands of United Nations employees cheered on the massacre on Telegram. And that’s without even mentioning the weaponry and tunnels found disguised within United Nations facilities in the Gaza Strip, sometimes going so far as to share internet and utilities with a Hamas command center. They knew.

It’s one thing when the bad guys are the bad guys. But what happens when the “good guys” are the bad guys, too? Where do we feel safe?

THE PAIN OF INFORMATION WARFARE

Hamas has a tried and true war strategy, one they’ve admitted to themselves: because they can’t beat Israel through military means, they work hard to demonize the Jewish state in the media, hoping that such demonization will translate to immense diplomatic pressure. So far, the strategy has worked. It works because you’ve allowed it to.

It goes even further, though, than Hamas’s account of the events happening in Gaza. This is information warfare of the highest degree, an attack on the very history and identity of the Jewish people, a history and identity that predates this conflict by 3000 years. Blatant lies and distortions have been spread so widely that they are now taken as fact by professors at the most prestigious educational institutions.

Gazan “influencers” like Bisan Owda yield such enormous influence that they win Emmys and are nominated for Nobel Peace Prizes, despite the fact that media in Gaza is tightly controlled by Hamas, and despite their well-documented nefarious terrorist affiliations and their spread of blatant misinformation about everything ranging from Jewish history to the polio vaccination.

Al Jazeera, a well-established Hamas propaganda mouthpiece, accuses Israel of carrying out a war on journalists, all the while its own journalists participated in October 7, one even holding three hostages in his home as he published his think pieces. 

Time after time after time, Hamas makes a claim, and the media runs with it, front page in big bold letters, only for it to be retracted a few weeks later, at the bottom of the page, in the fine print. But by then it’s already too late, because the media’s lies have inspired such fury that Jews across the world are punished for Israel’s invented sins. The media accepts Hamas’s lies as fact, and the oldest synagogue in Tunisia burns to the ground. The media accepts Hamas’s lies as fact, and a plane full of Jews is ambushed in Dagestan in an attempted pogrom. Wash, rinse, repeat.

THE PAIN OF DEHUMANIZATION

On October 7, former porn star, Mia Khalifa, tweeted, “Can someone tell the freedom fighters in Palestine to flip their phone horizontal?” Black Lives Matter Chicago posted a graphic in support of the Palestinian “resistance,” with an image of a paraglider, alluding to the terrorists that infiltrated Israel’s southern communities via paraglider. Someone else tweeted, “What did y’all think decolonization was? Vibes? Papers? Essays? Losers.” All this while children were being set on fire. On camera.

The following day, thousands wrapped in keffiyehs and Palestinian flags gathered in the middle of Times Square to cheer the massacre. “By any means necessary!” their signs declared. The means in question? Children burnt to ashes.

If every single part of you doesn’t recoil at the thought of a small child being set on fire — especially intentionally— you are irredeemably lost. You, for some reason, have dehumanized that child to such a severe extent that you no longer see them as a living, breathing being. In this case, the reason is antisemitism. Genocidal, Nazi-esque antisemitism. For a year, so-called righteous social justice activists have ripped down the hostage posters of Kfir Bibas, a year-old baby who was only nine months when he was abducted. An infant. Innocent by every single metric.

I knew about the dehumanization of Jews in the Palestinian Territories, which is so heavily embedded into the Palestinian school curriculum, the speeches in the mosques, the programming on television, and the declarations of Palestinian politicians. I suppose I wasn’t shocked that the most hardened Palestinian terrorists would go so far as to do what they did. I wasn’t even entirely shocked that so many “civilians” participated in gruesome ways, such as by decapitating a Thai foreign worker whose only crime was working for Jews, or by purchasing a Jewish skull and storing it for months in an ice cream freezer in Gaza.

But you? In the west? I was well aware of the dehumanization of “Israelis” and “Zionists,” of course. I just didn’t think we were here yet. I thought it was more fringe. I thought maybe we still had a little time. The pain of realizing that it’s too late is indescribable.

THE PAIN OF LOSING TRUST

The other day, I was at the doctor. My doctor asked me if I was Jewish. I internally recoiled. My brain switched into panic mode, until I realized that she was asking me for medical reasons, because some genetic diseases are widespread among Jews. A few years ago, the question wouldn’t have phased me. This time, for just a split second, it felt like a threat.

I don’t feel safe around anyone. I no longer want to do the things I love to do, the things unrelated to my Jewishness, such as rock climbing, because I don’t trust that the people around me wouldn’t have cheered for my death — or at least justified it, excused it, or minimized it — had I been in Israel on October 7 (I had been in Israel about a week or so beforehand. It really could’ve been me).

I’m scared to meet new people because how am I supposed to know if they’re safe? How do I know that they haven’t dehumanized me and my people? Is it worth it to pursue new friendships, only to be met with crushing disappointment? Again and again and again and again?

And what about old friends? Friends I haven’t spoken to in a while? How can I trust that, in the time we’ve been out of touch, they haven’t drank the Jew-hate Kool Aid? If I don’t hear from someone for some time, I start to worry. Have they been swayed by the mob, at last? Is that why they’ve disappeared?

It feels really lonely, walking through the world like this.

THE PAIN OF IT BEING EVERYWHERE

There is no reprieve from the pain of October 7, and everything that comes with it -- the vile antisemitic rhetoric, the erasure of our history and peoplehood, the dehumanization of the hostages -- because it’s absolutely everywhere. Everywhere.

Suddenly, our favorite actors and musicians, who up until October 6 could not point to Gaza on a map, and probably still can’t, have become experts on the geopolitics and history of the Middle East. Our friends, who couldn’t be bothered to publicly condemn the burning of our children, now post terrorist propaganda daily, without an afterthought. Even some of our family members have drank the Kool-Aid. We can’t escape it.

When we walk down the street, the faces of our hostages are ripped to shreds, their posters torn and discarded. When we go to a bar or a restaurant, the bathroom stalls are defaced with pro-Hamas graffiti. Palestine -- this distorted, ahistorical, libelous, factually-inaccurate version of Palestine -- comes up in every conversation, online and offline, at all times. And oftentimes, it’s demanded of us that we answer for it. It’s exhausting, demoralizing.

The spaces that were once safe to us -- for me it was rock climbing; for you it was probably something else -- are no longer safe to us, because they’ve become spaces that have been entirely hijacked by this rhetoric. We are forced to withdraw into ourselves, but even among ourselves, October 7 and its painful aftermath is all we can think about.

THE PAIN OF LIVING IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE

For a year, I feel as though I’ve lived in a parallel universe, an alternative reality. A parallel universe in which rapists are freedom fighters and kidnapping infants from their cribs is decolonization. A parallel universe in which conquest makes you Indigenous if you just conquer for long enough, and land back makes you the colonizer. A parallel universe in which feminists believe women but only so long as they’re not Jewish women. A parallel universe in which multi-billionaires living in Qatari suites are oppressed. A parallel universe in which imperialism is anti-imperialism so long as it’s of the Islamic and Arab variety. A parallel universe in which a country the size of New Jersey is attacked on seven different fronts and is somehow still perceived as the aggressor.

A parallel universe in which the media and politicians insist protestors chanting to “globalize the intifada!” and “by any means necessary!” are anti-war protestors acting out of concern for human rights. A parallel universe in which the president of the United States sees protestors waving Hezbollah and Hamas flags and says “the protestors outside have a point,” despite the fact that both Hezbollah and Hamas are internationally-recognized terrorist organizations which have stolen countless American lives.

A parallel universe in which facts and independent verification don’t matter and “I ain’t reading all that, free Palestine” is considered a good clapback. A parallel universe in which the Jewish narrative and experience is dismissed for being that of the “white man,” when only 79 years ago we were being corralled by the millions into the gas chambers precisely because we were not white. A parallel universe in which the most blatant, vile, Medieval antisemitism is neither the world’s oldest hatred nor a cause for serious concern, but rather, nothing more than a tool to silence Israel’s “critics.” A parallel universe in which daily violence against Jews leads to condemnations of Islamophobia.

A parallel universe in which every day, I feel that I’m losing my mind. It’s all so blatant, so clear to me. How does no one else see it?

THE PAIN OF AN OPEN WOUND

Until all the hostages are home, we can’t even begin to heal. This started on October 7, 2023, but as long as this isn’t over, it’s still October 7, 2023. October 365th.

In Judaism, pidyon shvuyim -- the redeeming of the captives -- is considered a mitzvah (religious obligation/commandment), one that is even more important than clothing and feeding the poor. It is our obligation as the Jewish people and the Nation of Israel to bring our hostages home. 

We cannot stop -- we will not stop -- until they are free.

For a full bibliography of my sources, please head over to my Instagram and  Patreon. 

[thoughtaddictand]

Queer rights are a legit reason to support Israel

With the advent of Pride Month, social media has been full of reports of pro-Palestinian protestors conflating "solidarity for Palestine" with LGBT rights. The reports go something like this: "Don't use queer rights as a weapon of 'colonization'". And it has many brothers and sisters.

Today I am doing the opposite. I tell you: As a gay man, the fact that Israel is gay friendly is part of the reason I support it. Both your country's existence and in its war against Hamas. And "Part of the reason" is the operative part of the previous statement. They're not the only reason I support them. However, my full reasons would go beyond the scope of a single post, so I'm just going to argue from the perspective of queer rights today.

First of all: I do understand the pro-Palestine arguement that them not being gay friendly is no reason for them to die or to not have self-determination. However, the important fact that is often being left out in pro-Palestinian advocacy is that they don't actually want self-determination, or at least don't want to stop there. They want Israel gone. Either by outright destroying it, or by undoing its Jewish majority through a "right-of-return", which would at the very least make your country in its current form cease to exist. Both would mean the only place in the Middle East that supports LGBT rights would be gone. And it's a very legit reason as a LGBT person to want the only country in the region that supports us to continue existing.

I do support Palestinian statehood if they agree to be peaceful neighbors, but not at the expense of another, functioning, country.

It's also a legit reason to support them in the war against Hamas. For the unlikely possibility that Hamas (and Islamism in general) should be victorious: They'd try to spread their hateful ideology in Europe next. So I see LGBT rights (and human rights in general) as part of what's at stake in the current fighting.

I also call bullshit on the pink washing accusations. I've made a full post on why I think the "pinkwashing" accusation is slander, so just a short re-hash: Israel supports LGBT rights, independently of the Israel-Palestine conflict. It's evident by the fact that human rights in general are respected, including the rights of women, of ethnic minorities.... Heck, even their own Palestinian minority enjoys equal rights. However, the narrative of an Israel that supports human rights doesn't fit the pro-Palestinian narrative. Because then their enemies might have to admit that Palestinians are themselves to blame for their pleight. That they're under occupation because they're dangerous, and not because Israel is a human rights abuser.

There are also two frequent arguements that people bring up as to why "Israel is not as gay friendly as it presents itself". 1) That there's homophobia in the country, and 2) That same-sex marriage isn't legal. And I'll defend them against both, because the first is completely dishonest, and the second is a half-fact.

The first one is a strawman arguement, because there's homophobia in every country. In my country, France, you could have a normal life as an LGBT person if you live in the big, secular cities, like Paris, but would face homophobia if you went to more rural and/or religious communities. And the same holds true for every country in the world: There are accepting places (mostly big cities), and less accepting places. Same in Israel. That doesn't lessen the fact that it respects queer rights.

And the second is a half-fact, because I know same-sex marriage might not be performed, but I know that it's recognized. I also know that civil marriage can generally only be recognized in Israel, and not performed. That performing marriage is limited to religious authorities, and that this also causes problems for opposite sex couples. Meaning this is barely an LGBT issue, but rather a problem of a lack of seperation between church and state. It doesn't change the fact that gay marriage both is legal and exists within their borders.

And at the end of the day I can admit that there's room for improvement. It's never wrong to fight homophobia within your own borders, and I'd love to celebrate that Israel performs same-sex marriage some day. But this doesn't change the fact that your reputation as gay friendly is legit, and not just propaganda as your enemies will claim.

So yes, these are my reasons, from an LGBT perspective, why I support Israel. I hope this can be a drop in the ocean of queer people and orginizations who publically oppose you.

[jewishregulus]

which characters do u hc as jewish? and also would u like to elaborate. id love to hear more about ur hcs. <3

i just got jumpscared by more catholic trauma hcs so let’s get into this!!!

i have three main jewish hcs that i care about very deeply and make content for primarily : those being remus , lily , and the black family ! (wolfstar invented jewish love…..) however i do have other hcs i simply enjoy more passively : dorcas , hermione , lucius , occasionally marlene , and mary! i used to hc pandora as jewish but that was before she was a rosier to me and the rosiers are not jewish in my head but i might sway back towards it 🤞

i have elaborated on jewish lily and the jewish black family in the past so perhaps it is remus lupin’s turn ….. remus is plagued by survivors guilt which i think is really added to by his jewish experience. we are a people who are raised to celebrate our survival and perseverance. i think this would make for an interesting storyline regarding remus and his complex relationship to religion after becoming the Sole Survivor in a way of his friend group …. (obviously sirius is still alive but he’s in azkaban so LOL) … i think in many ways remus would struggle with religion and find comfort in g-d at certain points and then pull back and be more questioning at others. “if there is a g-d he will have to beg for my forgiveness “ (if you use that specific quote for catholic trauma or whatever you should die and go to hell btw) …. he is constantly alienated from the muggle world and viewed as a monster in the wizarding world. his story is very reminiscent to me of certain jewish stereotypes (secret shapeshifters who drink the blood of christian babies blah blah blah) and i think it could be very interesting to see remus battle w these preconceived notions of himself in two different worlds, begging to be understood and viewed as a person in each of them. i like to imagine lyall as a rabbi in many modern aus ! despite remus’ battle w religion i think in the end he feels rlly connected to it and does pray actively and such : because i dislike the trope of religion always being traumatic and harmful especially with jewish characters in which our religion is consistently demonized by the public for evil practices …. this is also why to me remus would only date / marry jewish people bc it’s simply a custom! jewish wolfstar FTW!!!!!!!

my remus is mizrahi, my lily sephardic, and the black family is ashke as hellllllll yall seen them ….. both of remus’ parents r jewish and the black family whole is the most ancient and noble house of judaism, while my lily is patrilineal. i think her n petunia r half sisters and while lily is jewish petunia is not, which creates a divide in their relationship!!

in terms of who i think is actively religious : i think lily remus regulus andromeda and narcissa are , whilst sirius and bellatrix are not particularly , atleast not to the degree it matters to lily remus and regulus!

one of my favorite things abt my jewish hcs is the fact that james potter is just oddly surrounded by jewish people despite not being jewish ….. he loves us fr ……. like all of his closest friends are jewish save for peter 😭 its bc he’s hindu fr like that’s cousin

but my most important jewish marauders thought is that there is another world out there in which hogwarts is a jewish boarding school and i think it’s the timeline we all deserved ….❤️

[creaturecomfxrts]

↟ ⚘ 𖥧 South Park college headcanons 𖥧 ⚘ ↟

excuse my janky ass formatting and disorganized notes 😭

KENNY

✦ pansexual

✦ PLAYBOY. INSANE RIZZ

✦ body count is insane he just thinks its funny though

✦ actually really really sweet and considerate

✦ never fixed his gap tooth 🫶

✦ always remembers birthdays

✦ scars everyyywhere like Everywhere

✦ haphazard wolfcut that he trims himself bc hashtag no money

✦ full ride scholarship, works his ASS off on schoolwork and two jobs and yet still has time to party

✦ literally nobody knows how he does it

✦ still loves wearing big jackets, doesnt get a lot of new clothes often so almost all of his shit is hand patched up

✦ supremely unlucky (trips and shatters phone screen ass shit)

✦ angel wing tats on shoulderblades

✦ LOVES weed. does not drink at all

✦ probably has done LSD and shrooms

✦ parents are extremely proud of him, he doesn’t go home very often but keeps in touch

✦ got them a phone so that they can text him!!! he saved up for a whole year to get it bc he missed his sister

✦ pierced his own ears also gave himself snake bites

✦ pierced stans ears (stan cried)

✦ small smattering of freckles! only come out in the summer

✦ doesn’t hang out with stan as often on his own bc he doesnt like how bad his drinking has gotten :(

✦ loves decimating cartman in call of duty

✦ listens to BROCKHAMPTON and doja cat (and ABBA but only with butters)

STAN

✦ raging alcoholic

✦ existential + clingy drunk

✦ grows stubble really fast, shaves when he feels like it

✦ eyebags for dayysss

✦ beauty marks! has a lot on his face and shoulders

✦ smokes weed w/ kyle and kenny (cartman isn’t invited anymore bc he hogs the blunt)

✦ only gets his schoolwork done wasted because he cant get himself to do it sober

✦ PTSD + severe depression

✦ bisexual as fuck my god

✦ emo LMFAOOOO wears a lot of muted tones, ripped jeans, sweaters, hoodies. so many beanies

✦ also smokes nic 😔

✦ probly a business major

✦ tried hookups, doesnt really care for them

✦ plays bass!!

✦ internalized homophobia but its okay hes growing

✦ had/has a phase where he’ll bleach and dye his hair and the rest of the gang look forward to it bc its always something new (always keeps the black roots)

✦ really bitter about just. everything

✦ STILL hates medical shit and hospitals got alcohol poisoning and REFUUSSEDDD to go kyle was frantic

✦ so many random ass tattoos including a paw + date memorial tattoo for sparky :((

✦ gets really anxious when not drunk

✦ listens to tally hall, will wood and mother mother

KYLE

✦ keeps his hair at a tameable length bc he tried growing it out a little in highschool and it just went up and outward. never again

✦ got fed up one day in senior year and completely buzzed it. it was that week stan realized he was bi 💀

✦ not reeaaallly jewish anymore respects tradition but rlly could care less

✦ SO. MANY. FRECKLES.

✦ pale asf burns if he sees sunlight

✦ flushes TOMATO red when he gets even a little flustered or nervous and its so funny

✦ occasionally will accidently speak like his mom (whatwhatWHAAAT) and proceed to death glare anyone who looks like theyre going to comment on it

✦ hides his face in his hands when he gets embarrassed to replace his hat which he used to use the side flaps to bury his face in (it makes him feel hidden)

✦ weekly facetime calls with ike to see how he is because he misses him so much

✦ undeclared for like half the college experience

✦ uncomfy at parties, ends up usually tailing stan and kenny to them but only if stan comes

✦ childhood crush on stan he still hasnt gotten over 😔

✦ really likes working w/ kids but you would NEVER guess by looking at him

✦ massive fucking growth spurt hes an absolute 6’5 twig

✦ ADHD as fuck gets overwhelmed by schoolwork a lot, stan helps but hes really bad at directions when hes drunk so it doesnt really go anywhere

✦ anger issues, still HATES cartman, only tolerates him around bc hes funny sometimes to laugh at also hes rich and all of them could benefit from that lmao

✦ gets into fights still, got into a lot in highschool and less so in college but still seen as a hothead

✦ not buff but can absolutely hold his own

✦ still likes painting :) does it in his own time bc he feels like a sissy (his own words) stan loves them and has like 3 of his paintings either at home or in his dorm

CARTMAN

✦ college dropout LMFAOOOO

✦ his family is just. rich

✦ his mom remarried this fucking crazy rich dude so he still lives w/ his mom

✦ forced to go to community college

✦ actually has lost weight! not too much but he got fed up with it and is at a healthier size, his mom keeps trying to push mlm diets on him though 💀

✦ twitch streamer, keeps getting banned for slurs, not necessarily a lolcow, closest example i csn think of would be like uhhh jake paul mixed with schlatt? he has a pretty genuine following but. SO many haters

✦ kenny occasionally joins him in streams over the summer when he doesnt have schoolwork (chat LOVES him)

✦ has every console

✦ has also probably broken every console

✦ a LITTLE more compassionate, gives the rest of the gang fat checks for their bdays (probably to make himself feel like he has a moral compass after how much hes bullied kenny for being poor)

✦ still listens to kanye west 💀 and to drake or any other popular rapper

CRAIG

✦ obsessed w space + NASA

✦ majoring in that field, always busy with like. hardddd work (finds it interesting though he speeds thru it. autism is one helluva drug)

✦ plays so much minecraft. probably has built an accurate scale solar system on there

✦ autistic as fuck

✦ voice is less nasally but he has a flat affect

✦ ceiling stars in his college dorm. he put them up the first day

✦ one of the only kids to still wear his hat, or at least a new hat thats so similar to his old one

✦ beanies will suffice if chullo is dirty

✦ unlike stan, he actually has soft and not gross hat hair

✦ space tattoos + a woodstock tattoo (they remind him of tweek so much he had to (tweeks matching))

✦ still dating tweek, right out of college they move in together

✦ smuggled a cat into his dorm junior year

✦ def listens to tv girl

✦ that one hot quiet dude in every class and when girls find out hes dating tweek (its so obvious he has them as his lockscreen and his picture in his wallet) they are absolutely gobsmacked

✦ completely unphased by this, kenny had to tell him that girls were into him for him to notice

✦ follows space discovery news like a boomer with politics, if a new planet is discovered he will not shut UP abt it

✦ knows a suspicious amount about astrology despite saying he doesnt care abt it

TWEEK

✦ to match w craig tweek has a TINY snoopy tattoo he almost cried while getting bc he was so nervous

✦ severe OCD, CPTSD, and anxiety from his entire living situation

✦ found out abt the meth situation in middle school, massively traumatizing

✦ lived w/ craig for a while while court proceedings happened

✦ had to go to rehab after the arrest bc he went thru withdrawal

✦ substance free for the last 5 years!

✦ took him a long time to seperate coffee and meth as sononymous, drinks decaf and sweet coffees now bc he does like the taste

✦ incredibly easily scared and really jumpy, calms down completely only around craig and is at ease with all of his friends, with strangers he gets overwhelmed so quick

✦ hes pretty bad paranoia over poisoning in his food and drink, craig usually will take the first bite or sip to help him feel better

✦ got into cooking so he can make his own meals from scratch, loves meal prep! (hes rlly rlly good. so tastey)

[pathfinderswiftpen]

You guys are not going to believe what happened at the Rosh Hashanah service today. (Funny)

For those who don't know, this holiday is the Jewish new year and the start of the high holy days. It is also sometimes called the Feast of Trumpets; you blow a shofar (ram's horn "trumpet"), at the start of the year (also the new moon).

After the service, everyone who brought a shofar is encouraged to go up to the front for a contest, to see who could sound their shofar for the longest on only one breath.

Reluctantly, after prodding from my sister, I join the group, with the tiny, half-flat shofar I was gifted for high school graduation, and sound my shofar with the group of 10 children and 2 adults, outlasting the cantor with a spiral shofar longer than my arm, giving out just before the other grownup. They give the prize to the only child left blowing ("one breath" was not enough for him), dismissing the rest of us to our seats.

The prize?

My sister and I look at each other and laugh, because how likely is that?

The officiant comments "I don't know how child-appropriate this is," so I call out from the back,

"wait 'til he's 15!" (Everyone laughs)

"Wait, you know this movie?"

"it's my favorite TV show!" (Everyone laughs harder)

At least two people asked me afterwards if I had been serious or just joking, and my friends, you know it was no joke!

[darkcrowprincess]

The losers club headcanons:

They are all theater nerds if they can get away with it. But they can't in a town like Derry.

Mike is the best singer. Everyone can sing(except Bill do to the stuttering) but Mike is the best.

Mike once puked over being forced to eat a hamburger. He really hates eating meat. Full on vegetarian and the losers respect that.

Stan has taught the other losers some words and sentences in Hebrew so they can have a secret code to talk to each other in.

Richie is half Jewish from his mother's side. Eddie is polish from his dad, and Bill is half British from his mothers side.

All the losers have had a crush on Bill.

Ben as well as being a new kids on the block fan, also loves legos and building sets. And is an anime nerd and got the other losers into loving anime.

Richie has been in love with Eddie since they were five years old and told him parents he wanted to marry him(Richies parents are really nice in my headcanons)

Richies parents were hippies but also just very postive forward thinking people.

Richie is really the only loser with a full set of good(and alive) parents. Ben's Mom and Mrs Uris are are good parents too. But Stan and Bill both have really big issues with there Dads emotionally. Bills mom just completely shut down after Georgie died. Mike's granpa rightfully doesn't trust people. But after getting to know Mikes friends he trusts them after a while.

Richie was suppose to have a sister but his mom miscarried. It left his mom really sad about not getting to have the daughter she wanted but she still loves Richie.

The whole town talks about how weird the losers club is. That theres rumors about them.

Eddie Kaspbrak had a cousin named Carrie White that died when he was ten that no one talks about anymore. He remembers her being really nice to him.

Bill gets into a big fight with his dad over the losers and punches him the face.

All the losers went to prom with Beverly. Including Mike who they snuck into the school

If the losers could they'd start their own acting/musical theater troop themselves.

Mike, Ben, Eddie, Stan, and Bill are the only losers that really like sports and are good at it. Richie and Bev do not get sports and Richie is terrible at it.

Richie and Bev take dance classes and do a dance together for a talent show. They win.

Richie and Bill both no how to play guitar. But Eddie can be really bad ass at playing the harmonica.

Ben's mom makes cookies for all the losers. She's happy Benny has friends.

Stan takes up fencing in college to help with his confidence and beause another loser at least needs to know how to weild a weapon besides Mike.

Mike gets really good at using guns and shooting.He still hates killing animals on the farm though.

Eddie becomes a doctor or a nurse.

Stan becomes a lawyer.

The only parents that notice something is really off in Derry and noticed the kids were missing for a long time was Richie's parents. For some reasons It and Derry doesn't affect them as much.

[edai-crplpnk]

Some Team 8 + Sand Sibs chara sheets

I procrastinated writing yesterday by doing little chara sheets for my polycule AU.

Kiba and Shino have been dating since they were teens. Shino and Hinata have been dating since college. Kankurou and Kiba start dating at 22/25 (I am writing this fic). Hinata and Kankurou may or may not have some queerplatonic relationship going on eventually.

I used this picrew for the sheets!

Additional facts!

Kiba:

Inuzuka Kiba isn't his legal name, he is still officially registered under his deadname and his father's family name. He might change it once his father's dead, probably not before that since he doesn't want him to know about it. The rest of the polycule handle most of his mail so he doesn't have to deal with it unless necessary.

He is Japanese through his father and Filipino through Tsume.

Hana is his half-sister (different father).

He transitioned in his late teens and has been on T + post-top surgery for some years now.

He got a hysterectomy for endometriosis.

He doesn't smoke much anymore, mostly vapes, which allows him to control CBD/THC levels and ratio better.

Kankurou:

He doesn't identify as trans, but might identify as non-binary somewhere along the way. He's fine with being seen as a man and conveniently goes by he/him, but is honestly a bit too psychotic and dissociated to really have an opinion about his gender and gendered body.

He is Jewish through his mother, but was raised by Baki (here, Rasa's half-brother) so most of his relationship with Judaism and Jewishness is self-taught reconnection.

He had only one brief relationship before Kiba and had sort of settled for the idea of not trying to look for partners (both romantically and sexually) because it was a lot of work and socialisation and it didn't feel all that too important for him, but hey, shit happens. (Kiba happens, and it's good shit.)

He gets a colectomy and stoma bag for his ulcerative colitis around 25 (again, the KankuKiba fic is about that). He probably won't try to get a reversal surgery in the future because he hates surgeries and hospitals.

Shino:

He mostly uses Makaton and text-to-speech as AAC. The former is easier for short indications and requests in daily life, and the latter for more complex conversations.

He gets on opioid replacement therapy sometime during his teens, although still injects occasionally as an adult.

He was initially assigned male at birth, and then reassigned female during his childhood, which he (very understandably) did not live well. Shibi defended his right to choose his gender presentation and refuse further intersex surgeries after that, and he's been mostly living as a boy/man since then. He half identifies as a cis man, half not because dissociation and plurality and trauma make gender complicated but he's sort of working through it. He'd still consider his relationship with Hinata straight, and his relationship with Kiba gay.

His parents broke up when he was a kid (in part over the decisions made about him) and Shibi raised him for the most part. He sometimes sees his mother as an adult, but they're relationship is not very good.

Hinata:

It's been a bit of a struggle to slowly acclimate Hiashi to her being part of a polyamorous relationship, but he does like Shino a lot, so that helped. (He doesn't have an excellent opinion of Kiba but they also mostly never see each other and they're happy with that.)

She has a fairly ok relationship with her family now, but being able to move out and live in group with way less hierarchy and a whole lot more community support has been very healing and helping with having more resources to maintain her relationship with her family too.

Kankurou does all her phone calls (as that of about everyone in the polycule, to be honest).

And the sibs!

Gaara:

He's had a lot of autism-related struggles as a child/teen, but functions much better as an adult now that he understands his needs better and has accommodated his daily life to them. He works as a landscaper but has a lot of at-home work hours.

Lee is his first relationship (I also have a fic about that) and he does think he's gay? But also never has thought about neither his orientation nor the idea of dating and who he would want to date much before that, so he's not sure. He's going with that for now.

He waxes his eyebrows because he compulsively plucks them otherwise. Dying his hair also helps with trying not to pluck them.

He was mostly raised by Yashamaru, who is Jewish and raised him Jewish, but has a bit of a complicated relationship with that because there was a lot of projection on Yashamaru's end, and difficulty to see him as his own person and not just his late sister's baby. He's not religious although he sort of still observant out of habit. (Ex: he doesn't necessarily care about eating kosher, but it's also the food he's used to make and eat, so he will still go for that most of the time.)

Temari (in pyjamas mode in this picture because I didn't have something less casual that fitted her style in the picrew):

She works as a diplomat and is very much a workaholic. The trauma is strong but the grind is stronger.

Just like Kankurou, she was raised by Baki and her connection to Jewishness and Judaism are mostly self-taught. She is a bit less observant than Kankurou.

She has chronic pain that she probably ignores a bit too much, but who can really stop her. (Kankurou should try and probably does.) Compression stockings enthusiast.

She has a motorcycle that Kankurou is very afraid to ride. (Gaara is okay.)

I'll probably do more in this AU later!

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Hello! ❤️I love your stories and was maybe wondering if you would write a Shelby Family x reader story where she is their half sibling who grew up in America. Like  Arthur Sr. Had an affair with a woman visiting from the US right around the time Finn was also conceived and maybe that woman was who their father ended up running to when he left like a year later, but not because he was in love but because she had money and he could get her drugs and stuff. And so the reader kinda grew up “seeing” Arthur sr rarely but also being raised quietly by her richer non gangster grandparents (even unofficially taking their last name instead of Shelby)while her “parents” just went off and did whatever. one day her grandparents die and even though she is almost 19 and only a few months younger than Finn she is sent all the way to England to live with the son of her grandparents friend. And who is that son of a Friend she is send to live with? Our favorite Jewish Baker Alfred (who also doesn’t know she’s a Shelby) !!! And then like Alfie kinda takes her under his wing and cares for her like her grandparents and let’s her work in the legal part of the bakery (while not telling her about his gang b/c she actually wanted a quiet nonviolent life having seen how her parents acted) then one day she’s talking to Goliath for lunch when three men come in and one says his name is Arthur Shelby and then R gets all confused. Because as far as she knows there’s only One Arthur Shelby and the man in front of him is ABSOLUTELY not him (this guys to nice and sober to be her sperm donor). So she starts arguing with him that he’s not actually Arthur Shelby and like “why would he be impersonating such a random drunk who never did anything” and and Arthur being Arthur gets kinda offended and starts arguing back with this random teenage girl (very similar to how he would argue with teenage Ada) that he is in fact Arthur Shelby “Yes I am -no you’re not -yeah I am -no your NOT…. Etc.” and they both just end up bickering and everyone is confused until like John realizes that the she may be taking about Arthur Sr and they figure it out. Idk what would happen next the older Shelby’s would probably like be pissed and ignore her for a bit but I could see Finn being curious would be the first to reach out again kinda excited to have a sibling his age who isn’t as rough as his family and they would get close and then Ada would be the next to follow excited to have a sister. And yeah, idk sorry this is long but basically it would be the Shelby’s having a half sister who ends up in Alfie’s care and only realizes she has siblings after arguing with Arthur about his own name😂😂 you don’t have to though!!❤️❤️❤️

Dear Anon,

This request was amazing, and I don't think my writing can live up to it's greatness. Thank you for entrusting it to me and for waiting forever. I really hope you enjoy it!

Lots of love & Happy New Year!

Warnings: Peaky-type themes + Happy ending

You were crushed as you lay on the worn hardwood floor of your bedroom. All your family was suddenly gone leaving you out in the world on your own. In a year you would have an impressive estate to fall back on, but as for now, it was their request to send you to England. You looked up at the floral wallpaper suddenly determined to commit it to memory, once you walked out that door this, this, this energy…. You struggled to label what exactly would be ripped from you once you walked out the door. All you knew was that everything would become real the second your feet touched the bottom of the front steps. 

The possibility, no matter how stupid, of them simply being on a long trip would become a distant dream. They would officially be dead. 

They had a family friend who had called on the phone to let you know he had arranged everything. His gruff voice made you weary. You didn't like men, but strange men you would live with, in a foreign country? Absolute no. You were very aware that they were probably murdered and if sending you to this man was their wish you knew it was because he would protect you. 

Anger was boiling under your skin overshadowing the deep grief you were experiencing. People had you packed up out of your childhood home on a boat before the dirt had been poured over their coffins. 

Over the long journey, your mind ran rampant over the finer details of your life. Your father was English, what if this was just an elaborate plot to drag you down into that life. He was an abnormally cruel man, keeping your mum sedated with drugs, and spending her money. What if he was the one to murder them? Getting his hands on you only to gain their estate money…. Your body started to spin out of control at the thought. 

Your Grandmother was a Scottish woman with a hellfire temper, seeing what was happening in the home she’d removed you. You squeezed your eyes tightly knowing she’d never be there to hold you again. 

They were good people, they taught you to be a good person despite the heartache that came from being stood up and endangered countless times by your parents. You made a promise to yourself that if things were rough, or if they were improper in any way you would leave and use the little money you saved up to find your Grandma’s sister in Glasgow. 

After what felt like an eternity, but also a very short and hazy amount of time you had arrived. You watched as black cars pulled up and a very well-dressed man got out. His employees took your suitcases from your hands and you initially flinched at the attention. 

Mr.Solomons was massive. Both physically and in personality. He came up to you and squeezed your slender frame in a crushing hug. 

“Sorry ‘bout the family, love.” He grumbled. 

“Thanks,” You said breathlessly as he squashed you. 

_____________________________________

Despite being a rather posh group of people he could tell she’d not been treated properly in her life. Jumpy, timid, and refused to make eye contact. She was bat-shit scared of the situation. 

He thought about taking her down to Arrow House. Dropping her off with her proper extended family. Thinking of the New Years' party he attend with the maids whoring themselves out, he thought it best to hold on to her a bit. Thomas was a lot of things and none she would find comfort in. Not that he was much better, but at least the beach house only kept a small staff, two maids, and one cook. All female and all well into their 60’s. 

Alfie watched as she slowly settled in after a few weeks. He tried his best to act in a predictable manner in an attempt to scare her less. She asked a million questions about what he did, he knew she wasn't stupid so he told her the lighter version of the truth. 

A mistake. 

But she eventually calmed down enough to come to dinner and question him some more about morality and ethical values. 

Give it another week and she was helping in the front bakery. She made all sorts of treats he’d not heard of before and insisted that single mothers or folks struggling didn't have to pay. He’d wanted to argue but he could still see that she was hanging on by the thread and needed a project more than a business lecture. 

She’d finally laugh with her whole belly, and tease him endlessly.  

He’d just about gotten used to her presence when everything had to get blown up. 

______________________________________________________________

You were just done telling Alfie that he smelled like a wet dog when a tall man in a funny hat came in. 

“Can I help you?” You asked in a hesitant voice. Alfie had disappeared and it was just the man and you in the back warehouse of the bakery. 

“Probably not, love. Where’s Alfie then?” There was a sharp edge in his voice that made you absolutely refuse to tell him. 

“Who’s asking.” 

“Arthur Shelby,” He said waiting for you to run and announce his presence. 

“Yeah and I’m the Virgin Mary. Try again.” You crossed your arms across your chest. This is exactly the kind of thing you were expecting. Obviously, he’d send someone to ruin what bit of happiness Alfie had given you. 

“Oi! What’s this ‘bout. That’s my fu-ck-ing name” 

“No, it’s not. Arthur Shelby is a right useless cunt that’s probably too drunk to stand at this hour. Did he send you here then?” 

“That’s- I am a man of God. Now enough of these stupid games. Go get Alfie” He cursed under his breath and you refused to be intimidated by him. 

“NO.” You said sternly. “No man of God would pretend to be such a bastard. You should leave.” 

“Look!  I am on business. Can’t leave till it's done. Now get him the fuck out here” 

You both entered a weird staring contest when you heard Alfie come down the stairs. 

“Right little brat you have here,” Arthur growled and you sneered at him. “How many Arthur Shelbys are probably out th-” 

“Do you mean Arthur William Shelby?” Another man asked stepping into the warehouse. 

“See you do know him!” You growled. 

“Your dad fucked about, that can’t be much of a shock to you,” Alfie said with a chuckle. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The two men said in unison. 

You watched as the men squared up against each other. 

“Half-sister” Alfie pointed to you. “Her grandparents took her in when her mum went the same way your mum did. Must be his type.” Arthur looked like he was ready to punch him in the face. “Her Grandparents helped me with business in New York. Left her to me when they knew you lot were the only other option.” 

Arthur spat on Alfie’s shoes. “Like you’re a better option?!” He handed Alfie an envelope. “You better call Thomas before I speak to him.” He stood there for a moment obviously contemplating whether he should attempt to fight Alfie or leave. “And this better not be some fucking joke.” He stormed off. 

“You’re really his kid?” John said and you noticed the sadness in his eyes. You nodded and he turned around and followed after his brother. 

You looked at Alfie and suddenly needed to sit down. He caught you before you landed on the floor. He placed you in a chair in his office. 

“I don’t want to know any man -” You shook your head unable to finish the sentence. Obviously, something had to come crashing down. You’d become accustomed to your little cramped bedroom, eating breakfast in his office, and tea out by the water no matter how awful the weather was. He always listened and would ramble on about stuff that seemed completely useless. It wasn't home, but he made it feel more like an adventure. His hands were gripping the sides of your arms. 

“Easy now, love.” He said softly. “It’s not that bad.” 

“You knew I had family - His family around here and didn't say anything?”

“Well, they left you to me not them -” 

“Alfie.” 

“I didn’t think you would mix in with them right away. Figured you needed some space from everything.” 

“Are they like him?” 

“Gypsy trash? Mostly. Thomas is a right mess -” He sighed at your expression. “They aren’t that bad.”

“Lie” 

“I like hating him. Were friends for the most part. His family is pure chaos, but he treats them well enough.” He squeezed your arm. “Wanted to give you a bit of time before introducing them.” 

Tears started to prickle in the corners of your eyes. 

“I wouldn’t send you anywhere I thought wasn’t safe. Despite being a right pain in the ass, you're not a terrible person. Don’t deserve to live with terrible people.” 

________________________________________________

Tommy made his phone calls. Got all the evidence together, all of it pointing to him having a half-sister. With this knowledge came a heavy dilemma. 

Bring her into the never-ending mess. Or let her live a nice life with all that money. 

He thought about her being with Alfie, not much different than having her here? 

He groaned pouring another glass of whiskey. 

Fucking fuck. He thought about his dad and settled into the familiar acidity of his anger. 

He made the phone call. 

“Thomas.” 

“Alfie.” He took a long drag of his cigarette. “Got my sister there?” 

“She’s in bed.” 

“Bring her around then. I’ll take her in.” 

“She’s not a bloody horse Tom” 

“How old is she?” 

“18” 

“Why bother with her then, eh?” She was an adult no reason to keep her. 

“She’s in my care till she’s 19. That’s how it is ‘cross the pond.” 

He sore silently. 

“Still she’s my family. Should have her here.” 

“Exactly what her grandparents didn’t want. I don’t know your father but he did a right number on her.”

“On all of us,” Tommy answered bitterly instantly regretting expressing that to Alfie. He thought of the poor girl and felt for her. “Just bring her around eh? She can decide. But I need to speak with her.” 

“I’ll ask her. She’s flighty when it comes to the business though. M’ not having her over there with maids whoring about and men getting shot in the parking lot.” 

“Fuck sake! It was one party, ages ago, that got out of hand.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“That’s because you party like fucking savages!” 

“We've got kids now- things are different-” 

“Fuck off - you lot are always running from things! “ 

“From what?! All my fucking money?!” 

“Alfie?” a quiet voice interrupted whatever he was going to reply with and suddenly the line went dead. Fucking idiot, they always bitch at each other like schoolchildren. Not even Arthur or John act like that. 

He climbed the stairs and got into bed next to Lizzie. 

“She’s your sister then?” She asked in the dark. He didn't respond. “Can always tell when you're talking to him - shouting your bloody head off.”

“I don’t want her to stay with him. Just the two of them in that dusty house. It’s not right.” 

“Have her over then.” 

“That’s the plan.”

Lizzie made a soft sound before coming over to press against his side. He didn't sleep. 

Waking up in the morning he called the family in. Feeling stupid for overlooking one specific and glaringly obvious issue. 

Polly. 

The girl stood in the entryway looking equal parts terrified and ready for a fight. Polly looked over the girl in a way that told Thomas everything he needed to know. She’d be a part of the family no matter what anyone wanted to say about it. 

Two weeks after Michael left to go back to his adoptive parents. A month after hearing that her daughter had died. Now there was an awkward lanky girl, with eyes that had seen too much, looking back at her. A need was filled. 

Looking at Alfie it was obvious that it bothered him. Why he’d grown attached to her, for his sake, better have been a paternal thing. 

“We have some business,” He said to the girl once the introductions took place she gave a nod and followed him with her head held high. He wasn’t surprised to see Polly following closely behind her. 

Alfie decided to stay in the entryway and harass Arthur some more.

He motioned to a chair and she took a seat looking around the space. Polly’s eyes watched her like she was a showhorse up for bid. 

“You knew my father then?” Her face twisted up and he realized he probably could have started things off in a better way. 

“Yes. And I’m almost certain he killed my grandparents. That’s why I’m here with Alfie. So if you're in on his plan” She leaned on the desk and stared at him. “I see you.”

“Haven't seen him in years. Don’t need the extra cash either” He motioned to the house. That seemed to appease her slightly as she leaned back into the chair. 

“He is an awful man and if this is where he would go when he wasn't drugging my mum or making my life hell then I want nothing to do with you lot.” 

“Not here with us.” He confirmed wondering where on earth he was now. “I don’t like the thought of my sister alone in that junk museum with a potential enemy.” 

“Alfie’s fine.” 

“When he wants to be.” He answer wondering why he cared. 

“Same as you, no?” She challenged. 

“Look, let’s just get to know each other. We are family, one more at the table is a blessing. We have no other motives going on. It’s not much of a shock that you're here, I just wish it was under better circumstances.” Polly said squeezing her shoulder. “Alfie has been unpredictable in the past, but he is a good friend of the family. Both of you can come around whenever.” 

“Thank you.” The girl responded with a small smile. “If we really are all on the same side. Perhaps you could help me find out what happened to my Grandparents?” 

“I-” 

“Of course, we can, love. We know lots of people in New York.” Polly responded before he could tell her it was better to let these things be forgotten. 

___________________________________

You sat in at dinner and found yourself having to leave the room for laughing so hard. Tommy and Alfie were like cat and dog. If anything they seemed more married than anyone else at the table. They clearly had a long history. 

You stepped out on one of the balconies trying to catch your breath. Everyone told you that laugh was not table-appropriate and you didn't want to offend these people. 

Suddenly the door opened and Ada walked out. She gave you another look over and touched your cheek. 

“Can’t believe I have a proper sister.” She said in a warm tone. 

‘Half-” You were going to correct her but she cut you off. 

“Same thing. You look like things weren’t the best for you growing up and I wanted to tell you I can relate. I remember dad too clearly. I really wish I didn’t.” She gave you a sad smile and you realized that they had him around all the time when they were young. Not just here and there when he wasn't on long trips. 

You tried to say something but just ended up silent hands making an awkward gesture. 

“Don’t have to explain it.” She tucked your hair behind your ear. “I hope we can get to know each other better. Do our hair, go out, gossip. I always felt so jealous of my friends who had sisters.” 

You thought about how nice that sounded and gave her a nod. 

“I’d like that a lot.” 

“I’ll warn you though.” Your stomach twisted up waiting for her to tell you something horrible. “Polly’s found out her daughter that was taken from her died, and her son went back to his foster parents recently - it’s a long story - She’s probably going to try and smother you.” 

“Really?” 

“Oh yeah. Every time we see a baby in a carriage she starts crying. It’s not been an easy time for her lately. Just try to humor her if you can. I’ll be staying here for a while with Karl. Nice to have the family around to help out with him.” 

“That’s your son?” 

“Yes! I’ll introduce you to all the kids in the morning.” She smiled brightly and you got excited at the idea of being an aunt. 

“Esme will also probably want to recruit you. The boys always end up outnumbering us so I’m sure she’ll be happy-” 

“Stop making me sound like I’m a cult leader!” Esme whispered taking the cigarette out of Ada’s hand. “I’m just saying that Tommy needs to be kept in line - look at her she’s got fight in her eyes!” They both looked at you causing a thick blush to cover your cheeks. Just then Lizzie showed up. 

“Oi stop making me sound like a bad wife! I keep in check plenty these days thank you.” 

“Maybe you could use another round of that, looking a little tense, love.” Esme pinched her bottom and she slapped her playfully. 

“Cult of bad wives or whatever nonsense they were corrupting you with - It’s lovely to have you around. Got a nice laugh.” 

“No! I know it’s horrible I wasn't allowed to laugh too much- that’s why I came out here -” You stuttered trying to explain. 

“They wouldn't let you laugh?” Polly interrupted closing the patio door behind her. 

“I mean it wasn't proper for me to laugh like that.” You crooked your head to the side wondering why that wasn't obvious to them. 

“YOU LOT BEST BEHAVE YOURSELVES!” Tommy called out loudly interrupting his current argument with Alfie. 

You started laughing again much to their delight. 

“As you can see we are not the most proper.” Lizzie did a little wave with her hand. 

“You all spend a lot of time together?” Suddenly you wanted to be cool like them. The way they all looked different but so pretty. Esme had wild hair and dark makeup, Lizzie looked like she belonged on the cover of an expensive fashion magazine, Polly looked like a part of her was owned by a force of nature, and Ada was soft but elegant. 

“You could say that!” They laughed

“The boys are always out-” 

“Better than being alone -” 

You nodded. You never had real friends growing up, certainly none like this. 

“Don’t worry, love. We will corrupt you in due time.” Esme said with a wink. 

You got pulled into the kitchen and watched as they got louder and louder. Loud enough that Thomas came in eventually with his sleeves rolled up and his face red. 

“How could you possibly be louder than us eh?” He looked angry till a smile broke out on his face and he went over to kiss Lizzie’s cheek.

“Hope you lot haven’t melted her brains” Alfie grumbled but also looked in good spirits. The rest of the boys, your brothers piled in. Finn was around the same age as you a fact that made your heart hurt a little bit. His dad spent all his time tormenting you instead of being there for him. Would he see that as a blessing or a curse? He shook your hand and started up with a million questions about New York and your funny accent. His friend sat down beside you resting his arm on the back of your chair. 

He reached out his hand “Isaiah”

You introduced yourself, shaking his hand. The two boys went back and forth asking different things. It was nice to be with people your own age. The three of you chattered on and then quieted down to listen to Alfie’s story.

You burst out laughing and all the women started cheering you on turning your face a deep shade of crimson. 

“I like that laugh,” Isaiah said quietly and the thought of staying around here wasn't so bad suddenly. 

_______________________

You were torn, but you decided to go back with Alfie in the early morning. Polly made you promise to call once you got it and wrote down eight different numbers to reach her at in case of emergency or just in case I wanted to talk. 

You smiled at her and saw a familiar feeling behind her eyes as she kissed your cheek.

On the drive home, Alfie mumbled about how they are a good lot of bad people. Something you would have to embrace unless you wanted to go off on your own.

“Thanks for going with me.” You said once settled in the beach house. 

“No need to thank me.” He said brushing you off. 

“If I were to go live with them, could I still work at the bakery?” 

“Of course.” He gave you a tight smile and you felt bad for him being shut up in the house all the time.

“Can I stay over sometimes too? I love all of them but the kids, and the horses, and its - erm - a lot at times?” 

“My house is always open to you, no matter what.” He patted your shoulder and you went off to bed. 

Polly fussing over her unsure of what bad stuff had happened to her over the years. Wanting to help her figure out what actually happened to her Grandparents and starting one of those massive pinboards with string in the sitting room trying to help her piece it all together. Eventually, Esme and Lizzie got really invested in helping. Thomas wondering what's going on and poking his head in and all of them shouting at him to leave. Him muttering Women under his breath but sneaking in at night to circle a few things he thought was important in the evidence anyway.

Them actually cracking the case and being surprised when she wakes up to a newspaper on the kitchen table saying that a local Jewish gang was suspected in the murder of Arthur William Shelby Senior. 

Being shocked and watching as the family all came over to the house. You finding it weird that they spend more time talking to you about your grandparents than they did mourn their father. Once they were sure you were alright the celebratory drinking started. 

Isaiah suddenly always wanting to come over and hang out around Arrow House or Polly’s place whenever you were there. Finn teasing him endless amounts but also making it very clear that if it ended badly that Finn would do his job as your brother. 

Alfie coming over constantly to bother Thomas and slowly becoming more of an uncle in your eyes. Always around to cause trouble. 

Ruby fell in love with you, always insisting loudly that you had to be the one to carry her around. She’d often bust into your room at strange times to see if you wanted to play. Once you came up to your room to find her asleep in your bed. 

Finally being able to laugh and speak your mind about literally anything. Listening to them rant about things or poke fun at you. Shopping, parties, trips to London to shop and party some more. You thought it funny that they would go to parties basically just to watch people and only interact with themselves despite always being around each other. The gossip was always very spicy. 

Isaiah and you getting caught kissing on a street corner after a romantic date. A friend of Lizzie calling her saying she saw you. That going dramatically across the phone tree leading to you coming home and getting dragged into the kitchen for whiskey and interrogation. Was it good? Did he use tongue? Where were his hands?  Did he walk you to the door or just wait in the car? He did wait to see that you got in right?! 

Isaiah dealing with Tommy in the office when Alfie shows up and both of them being over protective dads. 

Finally, your 19th birthday rolls around. Finn saying that he felt you might leave, try being on your own for a bit, or that maybe Isaiah would propose. Polly overhearing it and starting to worry about you to the point where she sits you down and has a long talk about what it’s like being on your own and the head of a house, what it's like being married. You interpret this as them feeling like you should leave. Esme catching you in your bathroom crying as she dropped your dress for the party off. Clearing up the misunderstanding she wipes the tears from your face and does your makeup for you. “I’m not ready to be a grown-up.” You whisper looking up at her dark eyes. The warm glow of your pink bathroom makes you feel even smaller. “Look you’ve got a hot boyfriend that your family will literally kill if he hurts you, a hot dress to wear, and your makeup is finally done properly. Party is going to be amazing because I planned most of it. All of this is growing up. With this much love, it won’t be so bad.” She kissed your forehead. “All that stuff Polly told you was about her life. Back then she didn’t have anyone as cool as us watching her back.” 

The party becoming an absolute mess with some business deal going on in the background. Isaiah defending her bravely then going in for a big kiss in the middle of the entryway as things around them are falling apart. Guns firing, people screaming and throwing things. The whole thing wrapping up and you sitting in his lap in the kitchen sipping a whiskey out of his glass. The family finally feeling like he earned your attention and leaving you both alone for once.

[psychologeek]

Holocaust (and culture appropriation)

(TW: holocaust, death camps, sexual assaults, rape, industrial murder. I will put the graphic shit undercut. Include children death and human experiments).

Sometimes I think about how fucked up it is that for most non-jews (and some jews) "The Holocaust" is Anne Frank and Auschwitz "where they killed people".

I think about the fucking, the goddamn AUDACITY some people have to take our trauma and use it as a tool. As a lesson.

People that for them the holocaust is nothing but a story, a bunch of facts, probably as aware of it as they're aware of the crusaders.

(Once upon a time, in a far away land, there were Troubles)

People who didn't hear about it as children, who didn't grew up with six million and one-and-a-half million and yellow stars and quiet ceremony and Yizkor (remember).

That.

Would look at a pile of hats and bones and wigs and hair and make it about them.

But also

Sometimes I think about how wild it is, that this looks so horrific to them.

(And they never heard about half of it.)

Like.

Dear.

Deary.

We are used to death. We are so used to being murdered, and loosing loved ones by hate, that half of our culture is basically based on it.

I think about how non-jews keep talking about the holocaust, like it's a clean cut, like it's a thing that was, like it's that's all that was - there were people hiding, and there were gas chambers, and that's it.

And I remember being a kid (maybe 10 yo?) reading a kid/ya book that was an autobiography, and I remember the writer (who was a young teen at the time, and pretended to be a Christian German) wrote about someone came into the shower and touched him. (Writer) Panicked, and turned around - and then the other man asked him "wait- are you jewish?"

As a kid, I remember that this is all that was in it.

As an adult, I remember that scene, sometimes. And I can have a pretty clear idea on why the older man didn't tell about the kid.

I remember, several years ago, reading about a therapy group for holocaust survivors that were sexually assaulted.

I remember reading about an old lady, that (70 years later) told about what happened to her when she hide away with her sister, (I think they were two, or three girls?) she was sixteen, or maybe fourteen. I remember

"I did it so they'll share their food with us".

~

I think about people talking about the "death camp" Auschwitz, and how someone said (those who went there, were the lucky ones. When the newbies asked what happened, where are their families? We just pointed at the burning chimneys of Birkenau ,and the smoke.)

~

I remember the HUNDREDS who died once the camps were "freed", because they didn't know the dangers of eating two pieces of bread after a long period of starving.

I remember the massive Jewish community of Poland that was just. Erased. 99% of 3 million population pre-war. Whole communities we only remember and mention as the community's name (and even that is a very long list.)

I remember how people remember it as "German jews" (and some Poland) - but it's not. My grandma had cousins in Debretsen, Hungary. And it's Ukraine and France and Morocco and Greece and Lybia and Lithuania and Latvia and almost everywhere in Europe and North Africa

(except for Denmark. we love Denmark. My grandad's step-grandma survived there. She immigrated to her family in Israel after that.)

~

Idk if Goyim ever heard about Mangele. I wonder, how many of them heard during their childhood about:

The eye experiments, where he injected serums in people's (living) eyes, to see what would happen?

His obsession about twins. The toddlers that got their back skinned, then stitched together in "to see what will happen".

(They died after four days of misery.)

[onbearfeet]

A puzzle for the Tumblr sleuths

So today (6/29/2023) I was handed this piece of paper and asked if I could read the penciled writing on the second page.

I can't. And it turns out to be a bit of a mystery.

So, context. The ink handwriting belongs to my paternal grandfather, who developed a very specific hand as a finance officer for the US Army. I can read that easily enough. It seems to be the lyrics for a hymn (the "city four-square" is presumably heaven) ... but it's not any hymn I've ever heard, nor one my dad could find in his giant internet hymn index (yeah, that's a thing). Originally we thought he'd written down the lyrics so he could sing them in church, but now it's looking more like he ... wrote his own hymn? He wasn't known to write music, but he was a deeply religious man who taught Sunday School for decades, so maybe? Weird that none of us ever heard about it, though.

(And hey, hi, before you dunk on the guy for his religiosity, this is the grandfather who made sure, after his son married a half-Jewish woman, that his very Jewish-looking granddaughter knew all about the Holocaust and that Nazis are to be FUCKED UP AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY, do not pass go, do not collect 200 Nazi dollars, especiallyif they were going after Jews. He's why I started that riot in the third grade. He also considered participating in the desegregation of the Army to be one of the greatest honors of his life. The man wasn't perfect, but for a dude born in 1918, he was TRYING. I get religious trauma, I HAVE religious trauma, but Granddad generally tried to be one of the less shitty ones.)

More context. This piece of paper was found in a box of old family photos and documents that Dad's sister sent us with the explanation that "your baby pictures are in there". Some of the images Dad recognizes; some contain people and places that ring absolutely no bells. (It happens when you're an Army brat raised all over the world, 70-odd years ago. He doesn't have any particular memory problems, but nobody remembers everything after 70 years.)

The pencil handwriting is NOT Granddad's, nor Grandma's. Dysgraphia kinda runs in the family, though, so it could be a relative. The only candidate we could think of was Granddad's sister, Alice, from whom we have no handwriting samples, but Granddad and Alice didn't get along AT ALL and I don't know why she'd have been writing on his piece of paper. They were hardly ever in the same physical space after about 1940.

Additional context: Granddad was in the Army from 1940 to 1960 and moved around A LOT, so very few things got kept from pre-1960. Thus, either this paper is post-1960, or it was really important, or both. Granddad died in 2000, and his arthritis fucked up his handwriting before that, so I would estimate the ink text was created no later than 1990. Going by the color and condition of the paper, I would guess it's significantly older than that.

I don't know who put it in the box with the photos; it might have been my aunt, or Alice (who was close with my aunt), or literally anyone else. We're hoping the pencil text will explain the ink.

Oh. And Granddad was absolutely privy to some wild shit in the Army, so there is a slim but nonzero chance this is bizarro spy nonsense. I know he turned down one job offer from the CIA, but that story always had the air of "they already knew me from that thing that time". I very much doubt this is spy shit, but you never exactly know. Every few years I find out something new and insane about my grandparents.

So, uh ... anyone know how I might get some help reading this thing?

P.S. If you need something to call him other than Granddad, feel free to use JB or his Army nickname--Bear. Yeah, I know. But dude was a GIGANTIC BEARLIKE HUMAN. The name fit.

[umichenginabroad]

Week 4: Prague!

Well, over the weekend, we went to Prague! We were traveling to celebrate one of my friends' birthdays. We had 14 people with us, which is the biggest group trip that we had ever done and everyone was very excited for a weekend in Prague. It was my first time in Prague, so I didn’t know quite what to expect, but was excited nonetheless. We took a 4 hour bus ride over to Prague and before I knew it, we had arrived. 

We arrived in Prague earlier than we expected, at around 10:00 or so local time, and headed over to our Airbnb. We discussed sleeping orientation, dropped off our stuff and got ready. You may be asking yourself, what are these mad bunch of Americans (plus one Canadian) headed off to do now? Well, we decided that sleep is for suckers, and that since we would only be in Prague for about 72 hours, we were gonna make the most out of it. So while the night was still young, at around 12:30 am, we headed out for a fun night. Seeing as how there was a world-famous DJ in town, we decided that it might be a good idea to attend her show. For the entire time, we were bopping our heads to the music, dancing the night away and just having the best time ever. We ended up finishing at around 4 am, and went to sleep. That concludes day 1.

On day 2, we got up bright and early, at least I did, at around 8:30. We then spent the next hour and a half getting ready for the day. At around 10:00, we finally headed out to explore the city during the day time. The first place that we hit up were the Jewish sectors of the city and their beautiful synagogues. We also made sure to take plenty of pictures of the traditional Czech architecture surrounding us. It basically looked like what I dream my Minecraft world could look like. From there, we made our way across the bridge across the Vltava river to the other side of Prague. There we could see the beautiful Prague Castle at the top of a hill as well as many other scenic views. However, the real breathtaking view was when we looked back across the river and could see the city in its entirety. For as far as our eyes could see, it was just purely red roofs and classical buildings. 

The majority of the rest of the day was spent in the Prague castle, where we got to tour Cathedrals that were hundreds of years old, as well as other historical landmarks regarding historical Czech clans. We got to walk around some of their historical streets, getting to see what life was really like in the Castle, and visit other parts of the castle, such as their prison yard. 

After the castle, our group decided just to walk around and hit up whatever we saw along the way. At around 5:30, our group decided to split off as many of us were tired due to a lack of sleep and wanted to go back and take a nap. I was among one of these people. However, due to two people who will remain nameless, I was evicted of my right to go take a nap. These two dragged me around for over an hour on their little shopping spree, dragging me along like two big sisters do to their younger brother at the shopping mall. We couldn’t walk 1 minute without one of them going “Ooooooo wooooow, that’s so cute”, or “Ooooh wow, let’s go in there”. Anyways, regardless of the circumstances, we still all had a great time and I even got myself a nice shirt, so I guess it worked out in the end. 

We had made reservations at around 8:45 for a nice birthday dinner. We had all agreed for everyone to dress nice and everyone definitely delivered. Everyone was dressed super nicely and we all had a great time and enjoyed the delicious birthday meal. And of course we remembered to sing for the birthday girl. With that being said, Happy Birthday Marley!

That night, we decided to hit up another show, this time in the heart of Prague. This place featured some of the best DJ’s, and my personal favorite music. They played a bunch of songs that I had long loved, but had hardly ever heard in public. For example, they played songs like “Dragostea Din Tei”, by O-zone (otherwise better known as the Numa Numa song), as well as other favorites such as Fifa 14’s classic theme song “Love Me Again” by John Newman and “Astronomia” by  Tony Igy and Vicetone (otherwise known as the Coffin Dance song). Even though I suffered some minor hearing loss, it was well worth it as I had some of the most fun that I have had that night. With that crazy night over, it is time to go on to the final day. 

Our bus back to Berlin left at around 6:00 pm. We checked out of our Airbnb at around 11:00, and we spent the rest of the day visiting the local parks, and walking around some more around the river bank as well as other parts in the city that we didn’t get a chance to explore yet. When the time came, we boarded the bus and departed for Berlin.

We had an absolute blast in Prague, and I would do anything just to experience those 3 days again. I am so thankful to have spent it with the people that I did and can say that it was objectively the most fun that I had ever had in Prague. 

Dervin Tian

Data Science

IPE: Engineering Laboratory Experience at TUB in Berlin

[winged-fool]

which books are you reading right now? do you have any queer book recs?

Yeah happy to share what I've been reading! I've only knocked out a few but I have a few more on my list.

The City Beautiful – this is about a young Jewish man (around 18 I think) and takes place in Chicago during the World Fair (sometime in the 1890s). Alter is in the US trying to save enough money to bring his mom and twin sisters from Romania and during this time one of his roommates is murdered and he becomes possessed by his dybuk (like a Jewish soul) and is spurred on to find his murderer. Alter is explicitly gay and has had a few relationships with other boys; the book itself is rich with Jewish culture and deals with homophobia and anti-Semitism of the time. It’s incredibly good.

Siren Queen – this one is a little dark and it’s WLW book. This one takes place in the Golden Age of Hollywood, in the 1920s, and features magical realism. It’s about a Chinese little girl who wants to be a Hollywood star and how she is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve her dream. She is also explicitly gay and has two main relationships throughout the book (and ends in a relationship with another one). Its theme focuses on what does it mean to be a monster and challenges your perceptions of monsters. As a queer Chinese woman, she finds her fame in playing monsters in films and makes connections with others in the industry that don’t fit the mold of Hollywood at the time. This one really hooked me, I couldn’t put it down.

The Once and Future Witches – this book isn’t as queer centric but it has a lot of great representation. It’s about three sisters who are witches and are trying to bring magic back to society. It takes place in fictional New Salem also in the 1890s and ties the witching movement with the suffragist movement which sounds weird but honestly REALLY works. One of the sisters is explicitly queer, she has a relationship with a WOC, while another one is asexual-coded, and there is a trans side character as well. I had a bit of a difficult time getting into this one but once it picks up, it REALLY picks up and I couldn’t put it down.

The Secret Lives Of Country Gentlemen - Okay this was a really fun read that's a little less plot driven but so enjoyable! It takes place in the late 1800s England and is about Gareth whose estranged father recently passed away and he inherits an obscure earldom on the marsh and it's about him trying to fit in with this new society and be accepted by his half sister he'd never met before. Prior to coming to the marsh, he had a brief anonymous relationship who turns out to be a crime big shot on the marsh. There's some mystery with Gareth's father's death but not really the focus of the book haha

Lavender House - this is basically a queer whodunit. It takes place in the 20s or so and follows Andy who was recently fired from the police force after accidentally being outed. He's hired by a woman whose wife was killed and turns out she has this house in the country that's a queer safe place where everyone including the staff are queer. It's pretty easy to guess who the murderer is so what really works is the queer relationships.

Last Call At the Nightingale - this is another murder mystery but definitely has more twists and turns than the precious one. This is the only bisexual book on my list so far so while it wasn't the best book, it's still special to me lol it's about Vivian an Irish working girl in NYC during the prohibition era. Someone is murdered at her favorite speak easy which is also her safe haven so she decides to help the owner, Hux who she may have a crush on, solve the murder so the speakeasy doesn't get closed.

I've also read The Song of Achilles which I think is a pretty well known one so I won't summarize that one. Next up I've got these books:

Giovanni's Room (mlm)

Last Night at the Telegraph House (wlw)

Nothing Sung and Nothing Spoken (wlw)

If you're interested, I'd be happy to update this post once I finish the other books :)

[acertainmoshke]

Meet the author

🍁 Hi, I'm Moshke Palmoni, and I'm on my way to self publishing my first book

🍁 My pronouns are (currently) they/them

🍁 I live by the seaside with my partner ("Selkie") and our weird cat

🍁 I basically live to read and write, but I probably do 70% more planning new stories than actually writing them

🍁 As my pen name should imply, I am Jewish and the OTHER thing I basically live for is deeply philosophical debates in shul about minor details of the Talmud or Torah

🍁 When I'm not reading or writing, I like to swim or knit. I'm hoping to learn to crochet soon

🍁 I do have a day job that unfortunately cuts into my writing time even though it's a career I care deeply about

🍁 My degree was in archeology, and though it is not my day job I enjoy learning about culture and language

My Current Projects

✏️ Fae and Brownie (complete at ~21k): Fae is an imaginative and well-read 10-year-old disabled autistic girl growing up with her mom, nonbinary parent, and sister. She is an outcast who finds relief in her pretend games of magic and in books she reads. Her life changes very suddenly with a new kid at school and her aunt moving in with her family. At first it seems like only one of those changes is any good - Aunt Lilian doesn't seem to understand anything about how Fae communicates or lives. Over the next week, with the help of her new friend Brownie, she learns about ways to accommodate her needs, and that sometimes changes lead to nice things. (It's complete but I still need to hire people for the cover and illustrations, it's been edited but I'd like a beta reader or two, and then I have to figure out how to hype it up before actually publishing. I'm hoping for sometime this year).

✏️ To Die Among the Stars (WIP at ~35k of 100-150k). In the semi distant future, things are...actually, much as they've always been, only with cooler tech and fewer forests. A decade after the first disastrous manned FTL flight, the government's scientists are ready to try again, aiming for a distant exoplanet that should be able to support life. But this time they're ready for failure; the only people on board are those no one would miss or whose loved ones don't have the power to protest. It's legal if they volunteered. What the passengers are told is that they will have to record their experiences and bio data to send home. What they aren't told is their mission was never meant to succeed. They aren't trained for this or expected to amount to much, but they're determined to survive - more than that, they're determined that all of them survive.

✏️ Timekeepers. Still in the planning and research stage. In the semi distant future, things are much improved. There is no police force or political borders. And an experimental time travel program has allowed for all sorts of new academic studies. Esther Dahan is an anthropologist on one of the new time traveling teams. Her specialties are languages and home life, but each team member studies something related but different. It will be a series following her over years, as her team discovers a nefarious force following them through time, but that requires me to actually research properly the eras and locations I want to use and that might be a while.

✏️ Halara. Currently a universe without a plot. I have a kingdom, a magic system, politics, a working language, and 500 years of social change and royal family, but haven't yet decided how to tell their stories. Eventually I will probably follow a handful of the rules through the generations. Oh, and they have 6 standard cultural genders not built around biology.

✏️ Halfling. My oldest idea, the basics dating back to high school, but unrecognizable from my early writings. Also more an idea than anything - I've started and given up writing it so many times. Shakatra Zoawin is half Fae and half human. Stronger than any human sorcerer and excellent at glamour, they are seen as a threat by most people, yet are too moral and emotional to fit in among the cold and controlling Fae. They have mostly been isolated, growing up on the streets and fighting the Wild Fae that pose a threat to nearby humans, with only their adopted brother--ironically a Wild Fae himself--for companionship. They fell in love once but renounced that idea again after it ended in tragedy. Things begin to change the year they turn 100--though they still appear to be in their early 30's. They meet Lynn Kanin, like no one they've ever come across, though she is fully human and not even magic. Their meeting has unintended consequences that mean the world might fall, or life might actually turn out alright for the outcasts.

[olivieblake]

Hi Olivie, do you take book recommendations? I’m not really sure if you have much time in your busy life to read (especially books that are not advanced copies to blurb etc), and honestly I don’t really know your taste in books let alone know you well enough to really recommend something you might love. However, I wanted to share two recs that I really loved, but also because the themes of them (to me at least) feel similar to the types of things you write about and seem to enjoy. So, I think you might like them if you haven't read them!

- Meet Me in Another Life by Catriona Silvey

It has reincarnation and “soulmates” meeting in different lifetimes (each chapter is a different life that they meet) and their fates being intertwined. Thora and Santi meet sometimes as friends, a teacher and a student, a caretaker and a dying patient, brother and sister, cynic and a believer, colleagues, lovers, enemies, etc. It is somehow classified as a romance on goodreads primarily, but I’m not sure how it got that as the romance in this book is barely even a subplot in my opinion and is not the focus of the book at all. The focus is more sci-fi which makes more sense as you keep reading. Anyway, as they meet they begin to remember their old lives with each other and begin to wonder why they keep meeting before maybe they never meet again? (which brings in the sci-fi element). It has some really good discussion on the idea of free will vs determinism which I enjoyed. The author does an amazing job at carrying the themes from the past lives to the current ones; it really makes everything super connected. To the point where once you finish you realize how important some of the details they previously wrote were so important. It just builds on itself in such a beautiful way it really kept me invested. The ending too is just so impactful. It’s a book that has really stuck with me for over a year and it’s a nice sci-fi/contemporary blend. Oh and it’s queer too! Well in a way, again romance is not the center of this book and if I remember correctly the romance elements are almost non-existence after you reach like half the book or so, but in some lives their is a sapphic romance, but again in some lives she is with Santi which is M/F but that’s still queer because she doesn’t lose her identity just because she’s with a man, you know? Anway, I don’t see people talk about it very much but I think it’s a hidden gem that you would enjoy. It’s also relatively short, it’s only roughly 320 pages I believe).

- The Wolf and the Woodsman by Ava Reid

This one centers a lot around the idea of power and what people are willing to give up for it. As well as it talks about religion, it is mainly based in Jewish mythology, Pagan beliefs, and Hungarian history. It can be dark at times though so check trigger warnings if you have anything you are worried about showing up. The whole setting is very atmospheric and I think you would really enjoy the prose the author uses. There is a romance element and it’s very much enemies to lovers (tthey want to kill each other and he is sent to bring a Pagan girl to his King basically). However, they begin to develop feelings on their journey as they have to rely on each other to survive. You can tell from both of them that they really do not want these feelings at all but yet they are doomed by them. They also cuddle for warmth of course. There is also kissing scars and saving each other from dying (even though they want to kill each other). It’s just a very well done enemies to lovers in my opinion. He’s a very tortured Prince and he gets brought to his knees (literally begs) twice in this book it’s A+. She is a very ruthless protagonist who had a hard childhood and learned that she had to have thick skin (although you can of course tell it got to her and that she felt lonely). The banter is really good too. It also talks about the brutal aspect of nation-building which I found really interesting. Anyway, I just think you would like and appreciate the relationship, the atmosphere, and the themes it talks about. I will leave you with this simple quote from the story: "If there is anyone I would damn my soul for," Gáspár says, "it would be you."

Anyway, if you end up reading these I hope you enjoy them! I was just thinking about these the other day and thought you might like them so I wanted to share.

-Amanda

sharing!

[rhetoricandlogic]

Book review: Stella Maris, by Cormac McCarthy

By Stuart Kelly

Published 16th Nov 2022, 16:38 BST

Updated 16th Nov 2022, 16:45 BST

t is a curious kind of question to ask, but what kind of a book is Stella Maris? In a daring move, the publishers brought out Cormac McCarthy’s new novel The Passenger last month, and then this other new work this month. I have known of novels – often science fiction – which are scheduled at six month intervals. But this is unique, particularly because McCarthy is such a renowned figure. So what is this book?

It is not a sequel to The Passenger. It is not a parallel text, telling the same events from a different perspective. It is not really part of a literary diptych, as it is stylistically very different indeed – it would be like having a diptych with one half from the Baroque period and the other half in startling Cubism. Is it, perhaps, a pendant to the first novel; or a ravelling up of unanswered question? Not really. The publishers have opted for “coda” which seems as good a word as any. I suppose I would describe the relationship between Stella Maris and The Passenger as akin to symbiotic. Now, having read Stella Maris, I went back and looked over passages of The Passenger, and they appeared in a different light, like changing the angle of a mirror. Likewise, The Passenger sets up some of the mythology which Stella Maris expands.

It is, whatever it is, quite remarkable. As with only a few other authors – Roberto Bolano, Brian Catling – it has the distinction of having given me bad dreams. Scratch that: nightmares. I mean that as a compliment. The Passenger introduced Western, a marine salvage diver who turns fugitive. We learned that his father worked on the Manhattan Project, that his mother died when he was young, and that his sister, Alicia, is both a genius and insane. There were also dark hints from Western’s roguish friends that he was in love with his sister. Western is not just a fugitive from nefarious forces with inexplicable agendas, but a fugitive from his own past. In Stella Maris we get Alicia’s full-on flight from reality itself.

“Stella Maris” is a “non-denominational facility and hospice for the care of psychiatric medical patients”. A note, dated October 1972, reports that Case 72-118 (is that a nod to how many patients were admitted that year?) is 20, Jewish/Caucasian, female, arrived with $40,000, is a doctoral student in mathematics, has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has been a resident on two previous occasions. At least one of my hunches from reviewing The Passenger proved to be right. She is not, we find out, actually called Alicia, but changed her name by deed poll using forged documents from Alice.

Alicia, to use her chosen name, is caustic, wry, rebarbative, sarcastic and dismissive. She is also phenomenally clever, and the book takes in topology, physics, ethics, Schopenhauer, Grothendieck, religion, music and at times wonders if mathematics is something we impose on the universe or a set of truths that would exist without any consciousness to comprehend them. She has a pleasing disregard for Carl Jung. It is pretty heady stuff, and one can see that McCarthy has made good use of his time at the Santa Fe Institute for multidisciplinary research. Alicia revels in being a paradox – that she was sane enough to know she had to go to an insane asylum. She certainly does not go easy on her psychiatrist. (A slightly indulgent anecdote: when I had had my insides visiting the outside world, I developed delirium from the painkillers, so a psych was sent. My Dad arrived and the ward sister told him I was seeing the psych and he said “Poor sod”. She replied, “No, he’s in very good hands”. Dad said, “I wasn’t speaking about Stuart.”) It is not so much that this Alice has fallen down a rabbit hole, she excavated the rabbit hole with her fingernails and built a labyrinth at the bottom for good measure.

Formally, the book is only the interchanges between Alicia and Dr Cohen (with the exception of the fake document about Stella Maris on the first page). The reader has to be nimble in not skipping, although the longer disquisitions are usually Alicia. This form is reminiscent of the Greek stichomythia, to use a technical term, which in tragedies in particular uses alternating lines of dialogue to emphasise the underlying conflicts. One of the few books I know in a similar form is William Gaddis’s equally difficult JR. So, from the very first page, we get: “How are you? Are you all right?” “Am I all right.” “Yes.” “I’m in the looney bin”. She is a master of negation: “I’m not really serious”. “Oh”. “Alicia’s okay. I prefer it to Henrietta”. “You’re not being serious again”. “No”.

Alicia’s one condition is that they do not speak about her brother, which they duly do. She tells us about her hallucinations – the Thalidomide Kid and his vaudeville entourage from The Passenger – and her self-awareness about them, which includes using maths to figure out their heights and being sceptical about them having any meaning whatsoever. In some ways the reference to Greek tragedy is key. Western and Alicia are a modern day Orestes and Elektra, siblings from a cursed family, fleeing Furies. The two together, for two doomed not to be together, are a staggering achievement.