#my second time with it. first time was summer 2021 i think? right after the vaccine

[shinozaki-ayumi]

got covid :(

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Mr. Right Now

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.3k

Warnings: angst, past trauma of not feeling good enough, it's better off being alone angst, minor fluff at the end

Summary: As a divorcee with three kids, it’s hard to open up to men and allow them into your children’s lives. You’re a single mother who is just trying to get through each day until you meet Bucky. He might be the one you’ve been searching for all this time. Can you put aside your fears enough to let him in?

Squares Filled: band (2021) for @buckybarnesbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are greatly appreciated <3

x

The only time you’re able to go to the grocery store in the summertime is when you don’t have your kids hanging off your every limb. Your oldest daughter and son are at a summer camp you were able to get them into while your youngest daughter is being watched by your mother who had some time for you to get errands done.

Whoever said parenting was the best thing in the world was lying because you want to cry most days. It’s not that you don’t love your children, you absolutely love them with all your heart. You want nothing more in the world than to be their mom but it’s hard some days. You’re a single mom to three kids which takes a lot out of you. You have no time to do anything for yourself. Whenever they’re at school, you spend your days taking care of your baby girl and cleaning the house only for them to return and mess it up all over again.

Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world and it’s not for everyone. However, when you had your kids, you weren't alone. You had a husband who you thought would be with you forever. Then, you caught him with a twenty-year-old in your bed and that set you back decades. It took you a long time to find someone else after him, which you did, and you thought you had gotten your second chance at love.

He was a breath of fresh air after struggling for years. You only had two kids at the time but it was still a handful since they were both so young. You and your second husband had a daughter together, and you thought this was it. This is your family.

Then, he left without warning. He told you that he didn’t love you anymore and wanted nothing to do with you or your kids. He threatened to take Abby but you fought him through a lawsuit. He was bouncing between homes and didn’t have a steady income, all of which you had. If you thought your first husband was bad, your second husband broke you completely.

You swore off men after that. All you want to do is take care of your kids and live life on your own. It’s hard but you know you can do it. Your mother has been very supportive of you and helps out when she can but she’s much older and can’t do stuff like she normally could. Your father passed a decade ago so neither of you have him to fall back on. Your brother and sister moved out of the country when they turned eighteen and haven’t looked back since.

You’re truly on your own which you never minded until now.

You fill your shopping cart as you go down the list you made before leaving the house, and you look at the next item on your list. You’re not looking where you’re going and almost run into someone.

“I’m so sorry,” you gasp and look up.

You gasp again but it’s not from the shock of running into him. This man is… You don’t think you ever saw a more handsome man in your life. He’s tall, like a whole foot taller than you, and has dark hair that is not too long. His eyes are bright blue oceans and he is very muscular.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s mine. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Sorry,” you mutter.

You’re about to move around him to continue your shopping when he stops you.

“I haven’t seen you around here and I come here every week.”

“Oh, yeah. I usually get my groceries delivered but I had some time today to do it myself.”

“I’m Bucky,” he smiles.

Damn, he has such a great smile, too.

“Y/N.”

“Do you care for some company while you finish?”

“Sure,” you smile. “So, Bucky, have you lived in Washington D.C. for long?”

“On and off. I used to live here years ago. I just recently came back and am now living with my two best friends. You?”

“I just moved here a year ago. I had to get away from… stuff… I used to live in Nevada and thought a change would do me good.”

“Lucky me that you did,” he flirts.

You can’t help the blush that forms on your face. You’re not used to compliments. You finish the rest of your shopping quickly but you don’t want to stop talking to Bucky. He’s the first man you have had such an easy conversation with in a long time. Your mom wants you to put yourself out there again and try dating but you can’t think of anything worse than that. Dating means bringing a new man into your kids’ lives who will probably leave you. You’re not going to do that to them again so you’ll settle for stolen conversations in the grocery store.

Still, you find yourself not wanting to leave the store because then you’ll have to stop talking to Bucky. However, when your mom calls about Abby crying because she’s hungry and you haven’t pumped a bottle for her. She can eat solid food but she loves your milk more. You’re trying to transition her into solid foods but it’s a work in progress.

“Sorry. I have to get back home.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“It was really nice to talk to you, though. Maybe I’ll see you back here again.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he nods.

You’re gone before he can ask you for your number. You can’t stop thinking about Bucky. You never met a man who could invade all your senses. Your mother left after you got back and you spent the next hour feeding your daughter and putting the groceries away. You put your daughter down for a nap when your phone rings. You take the call when you get to the kitchen to finish with the groceries.

“Hey, Emma.”

“Y/N! You know that band that Leslie goes on and on about?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re playing a gig at The Twisted Bar this weekend. You gotta come with us!”

“I don’t know. I have Abby and I don’t have a sitter.”

“Bring her here. My husband would love to watch her. He’s been so tied with the boys that it’d be nice to watch a girl.”

“Are you sure? What if she gets hungry? She only seems to want my milk.”

“Then pump before coming here. It’s been such a long time since we all went out. Just once stop worrying about your kids. Jace and Lizzy are at camp and it’s likely Abby will sleep the whole night.”

You’re still not sure. Going out with your friends usually ends in one of two ways: either you end up going home early because your kids need you or you end up going home early because all the girls want to do is flirt with men. They’d never cheat on their husbands and they never take it past the occasional flirty comment. When they get like this, guys love to flirt with you and that’s when you call it a night.

You’re not some horny teenager looking for a fun time. You have kids and if these men knew about it, they’d never flirt with you. It’s tiring to go to bars and reject every man because you know what it’s going to lead to.

Still, it’d be nice to go out with your friends since it’s been so long.

“Fine,” you sigh, “but I’m not going there to take some man home.”

“Got it. This is going to be so much fun! Want me to pick you up?”

“No, I’ll meet you there. What time?”

“Six.”

“I’ll bring Abby over at five, then. We can leave together but I’ll need my car just in case.”

You and Emma talk for a little while longer until you hang up. Friday comes quicker than you’d like, and you had just dropped Abby off at Emma’s house. You’re nervous to leave her alone but you’ve been friends with Emma and Robert for decades so you figure you’d trust them with your kids sooner or later.

You and Emma arrive at The Twisted Bar right after Leslie, Jackie, and April get there. It’s a reunion of the decade since you haven’t seen April in years and Jackie for longer. It’s been hard finding time away from your kids.

“Y/N! I’m so glad you finally made it!” Leslie squeals and pulls you into a hug.

“Eh, I figure it’s time to see my girls.”

“It has been a long time,” April comments.

Leslie grabs drinks while you sit at a table that’s near the band that’s setting up. Leslie has been in love with them ever since she saw them opening for Bon Jovi a few years ago. They’ve been slowly rising to fame but they love playing in small bars to stay connected to their fans. Leslie comes back with the drinks and you sip yours leisurely while your friends down theirs quickly. It’s dangerous when you don’t taste the alcohol; that’s how you get drunk quickly.

“Hey, I’ll be right back. I’m going to get some water.”

Your friends wave you off, too invested in the music to listen. You shake your head with a smile and make your way to the bar counter. You look away for a second and run into someone seconds later.

“Hey, Y/N!” You look at the person and see Bucky standing there. “We can’t keep meeting like this.”

“Bucky, what are you doing here?” You pause after hearing how that sounds. “Sorry, that sounds weird. I mean, hi.”

“Hi,” he laughs. “I’m with my roommates. They’re here to see the band. They wanted me to come out.”

“Same.”

“I was hoping to see you. I really liked talking to you the other day.”

“Same here.”

“Can I get you a drink?”

“Sure.”

Bucky gets you and himself a drink before escorting you to one of the back tables. Most everyone is up front listening to the band so the back is clear of crowds. It’s easier to hear him, too.

“So, I know I’ve said this but you… Okay, I’m not very good at this. My friend, Steve, says I need to get out more but I actually like staying in and being alone. I don’t normally do this but I really enjoyed talking to you. Can I have your number?”

Just like that, your entire world shatters. You like Bucky but now that he wants to take the next step, he’s becoming a real person instead. A real person who you might have to take home to your kids. A real person who will just leave you like everyone else. You don’t want to do this to Bucky but you scoff in annoyance.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine, Bucky. Look, I gotta get back to my friends.”

“Wait, is it something I said? You don’t have to give me your number if you don’t want to. I just… You’re beautiful and funny. I had a great time with you at the grocery store.”

You don’t mean to be rude or snappy with Bucky but you’re sick and tired of men feigning interest in you only to leave you and your kids. You’re not going to put them through all that trouble if the man isn’t going to stay. If you don’t give men the light of day, then they can’t leave you.

“You want my number?”

“I do.”

“Which number do you want, Bucky?”

“Uh, well, how many numbers do you have?”

You laugh bitterly. “Oh, I have numbers coming out of my ears. For instance, ten.”

“Ten?”

“Yeah. That’s how many months old my baby girl is.”

Bucky’s face doesn’t fall in disgust but he’s not jumping for joy either. Tears prick your eyes but you won’t let them fall.

“You have a baby girl?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sexy, huh? How about this for a number? Six. That’s how old my other daughter is. Eight is the age of my son. Two is how many times I’ve been married and divorced. Sixteen is the number of dollars I have in my bank account. 480-555-0199. That’s my phone number, and with all the numbers I just gave you, I’m guessing zero is the number of times you’re gonna call it. You’re nice, Bucky, but I’ve been down this road too many times. I will not allow my children to meet a man I know won’t stay in my life. Really, it was nice talking to you but no man wants a woman with three children.”

You grab your drink and leave the table but stop when you hear your phone ringing. You take out your phone and notice a number you don’t recognize. Knowing your daughter is with someone else who’s not your mother, you answer it thinking Leslie’s kids are using their phones to call you.

“Hello?”

“For the life of me, I can’t figure out why anyone would leave you. I understand the walls you’ve put up. I understand why you don’t date or don’t trust men, especially around your kids. I understand that you had to put yourself back together multiple times. I’m not dismissing that, but I can promise you that I am not like other men. I don’t abandon people and I happen to love kids. If you give me a chance, I would love to show you that you’re not a piece of ass. You’re not a notch on someone’s belt. You’re a woman who I would love to get to know.”

You turn to face Bucky who has his phone to his ear. The tears are already coming down whether you want them to or not.

“All I ask for is a chance.”

“Okay,” you whisper.

Maybe it’s you who needs to give him a chance. Then maybe, you’ll finally find the one person you’ve been looking for.

x

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[itsrlymine]

idk if you’ve answered this before or if it’s something you may not want to answer but i was wondering how your journey from the early stages of finding out about manifesting up until knowing you’re the operant power and your full potential was like

my manifesting journey so far

Hello my love! I think I just haven't seen the question yet but I would love to answer!

As far as I'm concerned, I knew manifesting as manifesting around the time I was 18 and in my first year of university. But ofc, I was manifesting the whole time before. The university I went to had the lowest acceptance percentage ever but I still managed to get in even with my grades that didn't meet their requirements and i didn't even do the college essay that everyone else had to do. I remember just deciding over and over that I would go there no matter what anybody said. I was told it was expensive and I didn't care, I was gonna go anyways. It was $40k/yr at the time and I got $36k worth of scholarship....... I just thought that was just luck.

Before then, I was obsessed with One Direction and 5 Seconds Of Summer like y'all it was bad! I wanted to see them in concert so freakin bad, it was like my life depended on it. I literally manifested them coming to my state and to a city that people don't really tour all the time and yall!!!!! I was like right in front of them and I def passed out hearing Zayn sing live. I saw both bands live together, it was incredible. I used subliminals to clear my skin in high school as well but eventually forgot about them.

I think having my dad tell me I could do anything I wanted is what lead me to believe that if I wanted something, it was automatically mine.

In college, I would always have s*x with the guys i wanted just by visualizing or saying they wanted me sooo bad (still works now!). I would make up friend groups in my head and then find that i would be in them not even two weeks later. I watched "The Secret" in my first year and that was really transformational for me bc I always felt like I was failing God and my family bc I didn't want to go the medical route/even finish college.

The summer of 2021, I was 22 and at home with my parents and broke asf and i said no more! I started consciously manifesting again even though I didn't know that's what it was called. I decided I would get a job in marketing that would pay me over $70k/yr even though I had one month of experience and only certifications in the field. Did that matter??? Of course not!!!!! It was remote and had unlimited pto and i could go on as many vacations a year as I wanted. I found out about the law a month after I started my job but for some reason, it felt so complicated and I found myself trying so damn hard rather than just reminding myself how I got what I wanted before. literally inner conversations, visualizing and talking out loud about my desires.

What made me realize I could manifest anything was when I changed my menstrual cycle and went to Dubai for free twice. What the 3d looks like never matters especially when it came to my cycle, I deadass couldn't see how my internal organs would change according to what I wanted but ofc they changed anyways. it was shortened and I haven't had cramps in months. Going to Dubai for free by imagining Abdullah slamming the door in my face and telling me I was in Dubai. I literally made a pinterest board of where I'd go in Dubai and I went to every single place. I would tell myself over and over that I'm gonna leave my wallet at home because everyone was gonna pay for me bc we are rich asf duh!. When I tell y'all that's exactly what happened!!!!

I've manifested so other "crazy" stuff but yea these ones definitely altered my brain chemistry.

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

Mindcrank's top 10 Mikus of the first five years

This list runs from the last monday of feb 2019 to to feb '24. Theres a few more done after that date in 24 that are not eligible.

#10 - 7/29/19: 'Aeiou Aeiou'

This was the first Miku we ever made that we were and remain truly proud of. We were still using SAI 1.0 back then, and I don't think we ever figured out how to do any rendering outside of adjusting opacity on the default brush. That we managed to make such a blend of colors and light with such a limitation in knowledge and tools just months after picking up a tablet, really makes this piece impressive to us even now. Even so, this barely cinches a spot almost by power of nostalgia alone.

#9 - 5/30/2022: 'One day I'll get to actually attend a concert'

Funnily enough, this one is based on a concert we did go to. Not a Hatsune Miku concert (though we still have our Miku expo 2020 ticket) but an Aurora one our youngest sister took us to. The singer came on, backlit as seen, and it kinda stuck with me. Really love this one though, the minimalist backlighting just looks great.

#8 - 6/27/2022: I really liked that one AI Greentext @liquidstar posted

While there are parts of this we're a bit questionable on now, namely the face in the final panel and being inspired by an AI greentext in the first place, this Miku holds a v special place in our heart. it's easily our most popular too, notes wise!

#7 - 4/3/2023 'A Trip To The Moon by Hatsune Miku'

This was part inspired by the desire to make a fake album cover, and part by the urban legend that the first manmade object in space was a sewer cover that was launched by a nuclear test. While untrue as the lid would have disintegrated at the speed it was moving well before leaving the atmosphere, it made for some potent imagery. This is one we wish we had even more time with, but as is, just looks fantastic. Every concept we wanted is there and so so good. Should really make a song list for this album.

#6 3/6/2023 'This is how Hatslimey Migoo arrives onstage'

This was part of Migoo March of '23, and we had to fight ourselves from including another piece from from the same month. It's no secret that Hatslimey Migoo is our favorite Miku design we made (sorry Radical Miku) and the whimsy and charm she brings with her is in spades here.

#5 - 7/11/2022 'Miku but it's me my 2009 senior year'

Okay so obviously at this point they're all near and dear to my heart, but this one has something even more special to it. I was such a depressed piece of shit in highschool and it was nice to give our past selves some love. That so many also loved her was genuinely healing in a way.

#4 - 8/1/2022 'Sli-Miku? Slimeku? Hatslimey Miku? Yeah'

Listen we said Hastlimey Migoo was our favorite child, and well, we just couldn't not put her origin image on this list. I mean just look at her! She's adorable! Not to mention how well we did making her look goopy as hell.

Honorable mentions!

(okay look we had to cut this down from 26 images and there still like a dozen more that could have made the shortlist so let us have this)

From 2021! Still perhaps our favorite Radical Miku! Posing and shadows look great still tbh.

Perhaps the Miku with the least amount of love noteswise. From 2023, it just really captures the miserable summer days in my shitty old room. there was no AC and it was triple digits or close to it many, many days. Just looking at it is something bittersweet.

From 2022, we have this vampire miku! Sure some parts are a little off, but the colors and bg just feel so right! So very perfectly part of the mood. Back to the countdown!

#3 9/25/2023 'Patron Saint of Song'

This is the Miku we're perhaps the second most unreasonably proud of on a technical level. Working within the limitations of imitating another style just pulled something out of us ig. We're not even sure what else to say, just look at it! The smooth lines, the way the flatly colored pieces create depth with the curves, the bordering. Easily one of the best pieces we've ever made.

#2 - 2/8/21 'Miku Devours Her Progeny'

This is it. Perhaps the one you expected at No. 1? It has been our favorite for a very long time, and the one we pointed to as such for a while after all. Even after making the piece that now resides at the top slot.

There's just something so absurd about Miku as Saturn, yet something that works to it. She is, after all, the first Vocaloid, and remains the most outwardly popular. A position that naturally calls for the cannibalization of her progeny. Perhaps it's the way it captures the madness and zero sum nature of making art?

No matter how long we look at it, no matter the new flaws we spot in it's construction, it's a piece that as we gaze upon it we only love more.

#1 - 5/22/23 'Trail Cam Footage'

This is a piece that's truly difficult to speak on. Iirc, we had found ourselves short on time, so elected to try a rougher, more impressionist style. Something we could make quickly, as to not miss a Monday and get to bed at a reasonable hour. Taking further inspiration from trail cams and horror, we decided a greyscale would help further eliminate work. No pesky color picking to complicate rendering.

This as made in a single post-work sitting as a result. It has since become our favorite.

It so perfectly captures the feeling of seeing something spooky on a low res camera feed. Just enough details to let your mind fill in the blanks. The short field of view making it all the more intimate. The oppressive darkness all around. This is the only piece we've loved enough to share to other sites we don't post to. Its both our blog background, and our PC wallpaper!

We've often considered revisiting this style, but are afraid we'd never be able to live up to this. Honestly, it feels like it would be redundant. This one piece is already the peak. Not to mention, there's no way to live up to the fact that just days later, actual trail cam footage of two naked witches eating a deer emerged.

Which Miku is your favorite? Did we miss one you love? Let us know!

[360degreesasthecrowflies]

A proper retrospective on the first house I lived by myself in - just before I move out

I never expected to live here for quite this long!

I moved into this house after moving out of what I came to consider my 'lockdown house', which was a house I lived in for the first pandemic lockdown in 2020, until the middle of 2021. I had also lived in it since 2016, with various flatmates - randomly, a girl I went to high school with who happened to move to the same country as me, firstly, for a short period only.

I got the house in the first place by lying about having a job, although as it happened, I was able to (incongruously, as this isn't that long ago) get a job shortly after moving in by writing a physical letter to a previous workplace, and they happened to have a place available. My highschool friend however quickly moved back to our home country and at that point I auditioned flatmates, ending up choosing my 3rd preference after 2 above dropped out. (I never told her)

Lola (not her real name) was a French girl about my age and we ended up living together for about 2.5 years. Back then I was a receptionist mostly, but I mostly misled her about what it was I did because she had a real professional job. Although it became harder to hide when - through a comedy of errors - I ended up having to become a night receptionist in my building.

Irony of ironies as soon as I got my first professional job Lola moved out, and my next flatmate, again starting as a friend of a friend, I lived with for the next 4 years. (The first year was fine. The second year, which was the first year of lockdown, was very challenging...)

And it was that third flatmate that found this house that I've lived in since 2021. Originally we moved together and stayed living together. Mostly for money reasons, if I'm honest. We got evicted from the previous house - classic 2020s - so had to find somewhere else quick. I ended up trusting my flatmate to put in a reservation on this one without me even seeing it. Due to various reasons, since I think 2023...I've lived here just myself.

Funnily enough, it's in an area that worked out well - although now as I'm leaving, maybe it's the right time, because a lot of my favourite places in the area have closed down. I ended up thinking of this as my lockdown house too because, in my part of the UK, we actually stayed in (degrees of) lockdown for another year from summer 2021, whereas in most of the UK 2021 was the end of it.

Places I really liked while I was here included:

An eco/reusable grocery shop that sold fresh vegetables at a decent price

A vegan-led cake shop that sold different cake flavours every week. The florals were particular favourites; rose; violet etc. (I've just remembered there was also a short-lived vegan cafe that sold violet and rose lattes too - although default, not with coffee! I much prefer it with)

A lunch place that also sold different cake flavours every week. (It still does lunch but dropped that variety)

A bakery where I knew all the staff that was only open a few days a week, and did coffees as well

A cafe where I often have lunch, which does seasonal toasties and coffee flavours. I've read a lot of books in there, most recently Sounds Like Fun by Bryan Moriarty

A cafe where my friend works, where I often go to do drawing or creative work. I don't like the majority of the food it serves, but the coffee is ok and there's one particular croissant they do which is heavenly

The house of a friend I've since lost touch with; who was very good at hosting dramatic themed parties with high class vintage dinner sets. The house notably has a poledancing pole, a windowseat made up of what I'm pretty sure is a small mattress, and a firepit out the back where my friends like(d) to smoke and read tarot

A big supermarket with lots of choice and options (since that closed down I've had to rely on a small Co-op or travel into the city)

There's also a good transport link to the city, a train station, a Starbucks that's open early in the morning and late in the evening to work from or socialize in, about a 15 minute walk away, and a park with a pond in where it is good to watch the seasons change.

However, negatives of the area are that: it is a bit dangerous. There is a conflict between the local city people and immigrants, which, as an immigrant, is a bit uneasy at times. The house I live in is full of impractical old furniture I'm not allowed to get rid of, and the kitchen is too small to cook in the way I would like to, for hosting parties etc. The doctors surgery here (where I live, surgeries are attached to yoru geographical area) is one of the worst I've ever attended, which is challenging as someone with longterm and lifelong health conditions. There isn't much choice or options of food shopping. None of my friends live in this area either. My longterm neighbours opposite (who I liked) recently moved away, and my longterm downstairs neighbours I'm pretty sure hate my guts for no reason - they always avoid speaking to me at all if physically possible!

Re the house itself it has an amazing bathroom which I will miss. The room is huge, nearly square, with a blue tiled floor and pale blue walls. It has both a large square bath (where I cut and color my hair) AND a free standing shower cubicle that is separate from the bath. The loo is a decent size (some are so small you feel like you might fall off!) and it has a window that fully opens for ventilation or breezing in the summer. (And on that note. Although it is drafty as a house, the heating bills are so cheap somehow! I will miss that...)

The bedrooms are a great size too, with room for double bed and desks in each, plus good cupboard storage. Although the storage closets are so large as to be unwieldy and a bit eldritch! There's a closet in the hall built in as well which is great storage for cleaning products and tools etc. If I had owned this house, I would have been able to do so much with it... Alas.

I ended up getting evicted from this house too, although, when I challenged the owners legally (which I was very lucky to know how to do because I have a friend training on a law conversion right now), they backed off on giving me a fixed date I needed to leave by. But they have wanted me gone for 6 months, so, for that reason, I don't mind moving.

My new place is in a new area, same city. The change is daunting, but, hopefully, this one won't end up being a lockdown house! It's only part-furnished, so I have a lot more leeway to decorate this time for the first time in my life, and I might even be able to get a pet if I want to. While it's still a bit intimidating, I'm also excited, and the New Year feels like a good time for change.

I think this will be the 12th house I've lived in, and maybe the 7th as an adult. Hopefully that counts well with someone up there for something.

I'll have pictures, but I always find that it's easy to forget to take pictures of the things you resonate with the most about a place. Maybe ten years down the line (if we still have tumblr/the Earth) this post will bring back memories.

[hagrag]

Not to dox myself but I want to list all the places I remember living now

The first place I remember living when i was 5/6 was a dilapidated terrace house in summer hill, sydney. I can't believe my mum could afford that. She worked part time as a receptionist during school hours. I am pretty sure it was a 1 bedroom which was mine and she converted the pantry or the laundry into her bedroom. Her bedroom was all brick wall and stone flooring I am pretty sure and she always had red and black sheets and smoked cigarettes in bed. I remember my sheets as well, she bought them with her first big paycheck, they were gingham with mermaids. I remember the backyard really clearly too. It had a little gate to our neighbours house who we loved.

The second place was a 2br house in dulwich hill, sydney. Vividly remember the living room, kinda the bedroom. The bedroom had this weird window/hole in the wall to the hallway so I didn't have privacy which was weird and the living room is where I liveddddd I begged to sleep on the sofa bed all the time and many memories of playing sims 1 here and watching rage all night and morning on the weekends.

Then we moved to melbourne when I was 7. We lived in a 2br seventies brick house in northcote. Again how did my mum afford this? Sold for $88k in the 80s and $1.3m in 2021 apparently. Really nice place and I remember it well because after we moved out my stoner dj uncle moved in and lived there for like 10 years or something. There was also such a neighbourhood vibe with street parties on halloween and christmas it was so cute.

Then my mum started dating a guy who lived in the west so we moved to his house in yarraville. Don't think we lived there that long but it was nice, I think it had 3 bedrooms, and stone flooring in the kitchen with this big kitchen island. I had never had an island before.

Then we moved to a different place in yarraville and I don't remember this one either really. I was like 10 and remember the place I lived in when I was 5 better.

Ok then we move somewhere when I'm like 10/11 and I gained consciousness there so remember it like the back of my hand. 2br classic terrace house in kensington. I had a big beautiful bedroom right at the front with a fireplace. Super noisy because it was across from the train line. The kitchen and bathroom were renovated, it was a really nice fancy place to live, I loved it. There was this big open plan living and kitchen, with a little terrace backyard it opened up to. We had these little ponds with koi fish out there.

To be continued for ages 12 to now...

[ofduskanddreams]

Know Better Than This — formerly titled Heated Rivals

Chapter 5: There's No "I" in "Team," But There Is in "Win"

CH Summary: It's the morning after Azriel's first game and first loss with the Boston Bruins following his trade. Let's just say things aren't going well.

Read it on ao3 | Enjoy the snippet below:

“Bruins Blown Away in the Windy City”

ESPN - Feb. 26th, 2022 - By Varian Summers

Last night, Chicago’s struggling NHL team pulled off a surprising win against the Boston Bruins. The final score was 2-4, with one of the Bruins’ points being a penalty shot. Hockey fans around the world were watching the Bruins play their first game with newly acquired player Azriel Cantor (Age 23, RW,) traded three days ago from the Montreal Canadiens. 

As the 2020-2021 Rookie of the Year, all eyes are on Cantor to see how he performs as a Bruin. Boston fans have high hopes for the young right-winger after they saw how Cantor and Bruins’ Captain Eris Vanserra played together during this year’s NHL All-Stars Weekend, displaying the kind of chemistry that sparks once in a generation between players. Everyone who watched the All-Stars tournament knows they were witnessing something special. 

The real question is: Where did that chemistry go? Because it certainly wasn’t on the ice at United Center last night.

It’s normal for a team to need some time to adjust to new dynamics when players are traded. I think I speak for all Bruins fans when I say that we understand expecting the team’s best performance mere days after acquiring a new player is unreasonable. Let’s hope Cantor and Vanserra can get back into that rhythm we all witnessed a few weeks ago with a little more time together on the ice.

Because if what happened in Vegas truly stays in Vegas, the Bruins may find themselves looking to make another trade sooner rather than later.

🏒 🏒 🏒 continue reading here.

A/N: Aaaand we're back! (I hope you read that in a sports announcer's voice) I know it's been a while, but don't think for a second that hockey rivals Azris was ever far from my mind. I was never in love with the fic's original title so I decided to change it now that I'm returning to finish it. All it took was going to one NHL game for this fic to start sparking joy again, I hope you're ready for more soon!

tagging: @iftheshoef1tz @ablogofsapphicpanic @panicatthenightcourt @damedechance @moonpatroclus @octobers-veryown @separatist-apologist @krem-does-stuff @melonsfantasyworld @born-to-riot @lady-riel @queercontrarian @asnowfern @catboyjamesbond @brokeneveningstars @xtaketwox @itsthedoodle @wilde-knight @areyoudreaminof @acourtofladydeath @foundress0fnothing @witch-and-her-witcher @melphss @fieldofdaisiies @thelovelymadone @nestas-workwife @bubybubsters

if you want to be added to or removed from my azris tags/tags for this fic specifically just let me know :)

[thebroccolination]

Be My Favorite - Intro

WELCOME TO KEY’S SUMMER FIXATION SERIES. \:D/

Hello! I’m Key, and I’ll be your Be My Favorite historian and enthusiast.

I’ve been really excited for Be My Favorite ever since the series was first announced in December of 2021. The premise grabbed me right away since I’m a big fan of time loops (please watch Triage if you haven’t already, I’d say it’s the strongest BL series to date), and Krist’s one of my favorite actors, so it was an instant five stars of anticipation for me. Then in September of 2022, Gawin (another favorite of mine) was cast, and I had a dream casting I think I might have joked about once. (So I did this, you’re welcome.)

Whoever cast Gawin, I’ll send you a basket of whatever you love and aren’t allergic to.

THE CASTING HISTORY

Be My Favorite had a rocky road to casting.

From what I’ve been able to follow, it was initially meant to be a KristSingto comeback vehicle. (Their last BL together was the SOTUS Our Skyy episode in 2018.) However, in 2022, Krist tentatively told fans at a fan meeting that Singto’s schedule didn’t work out with filming. Seeing as GMMTV didn’t want Krist acting in BL series without his brand partner, I think they knew Singto wasn’t planning to renew his contract, so they cast Mike instead. Personally, I was excited to see Krist step outside his comfort zone with a different actor, and he’s close to Mike, so I figured it’d be a good match. I was also happy for Singto, because he’s wanted more independence in his career. He’s into photography and directing, he’s made his own studio, formed his own fan club in Japan, etc. (I think it’s likely he and Krist will work together again, though. They’re still very close, they play video games online with their friends from university fairly regularly, and Singto went out of his way to organize a KristSingto concert in December of 2022 through his Japanese fan club. KS used to hold their GMMTV-sponsored concerts there annually before the pandemic, so I think it was both a “final chapter” to one part of their lives and evidence that they can collaborate again if they want to.)

I didn’t have strong feelings about Mike’s casting. I haven’t seen him in much, but I liked him in the teaser, and he’s already close to Krist, so I was on board. After seeing Singto improve through his series with other actors (something he might have had to fight for, but that’s pure speculation), I was just excited for Krist to get the same opportunities.

And then…Gawin. [seventeen sparkle emojis]

As I said on Twitter the day Gawin’s casting was announced, “I could not be more pleased and delighted that I’ve built a reputation for myself that makes people think, ‘Krist and Gawin? QUICKLY, LIGHT THE FIRES AND TELL KEY,’” because I woke up to not one but three separate friends letting me know about it.

I went from excited to feral in the four seconds it took my brain to go from, “This can’t be real,” to, “Finally, bizarre breaking news that isn’t actively traumatizing.”

Truly, I have to hand it to Krist, because he's wanted this project to do well from the start, and he's stuck with it and worked hard on it through potentially three scene partners. And he really seems to have grown and learned from Gawin, so good on him.

THE WRITER/DIRECTOR

My one worry was that I haven’t enjoyed most of Jittirain’s adaptations.

But then I found out that the director, Waa, directed The Gifted and also has screenwriting experience. Krist has worked with Waa before and speaks highly of his process. There are a lot of scenes in the first episode of BMF that seem very clean and well edited, so I have hope.

On top of that, I’ve also seen fans mention that Be My Favorite is “inspired by” Jittirain’s novel, not adapted from it, which I think is a crucial distinction. (I don’t know the source for that, but I want it to be true, so I’ll believe it for now.)

Krist has said that they changed a lot from the novel, and based on what I know, the first episode has already departed quite a bit, so I have put my faith in Waa.

POSTPRODUCTION

For many reasons, some series just get the short stick with the amount of postproduction and budget they get. Some series are still filming as they start airing, some have budget cuts during production, etc.

Filming for Be My Favorite began on November 19th, 2022 and wrapped two months ago on March 24th. That same day, Waa shared on Twitter that he’d be starting work on intense editing right away. That was a great sign to me. With filming complete and two months of postproduction, he was almost certainly able to do a cleaner job than if he’d had to struggle under continued filming and simultaneous editing while the show was airing.

Also, BMF definitely seems to have money behind it. For example, this upgrade from the trailer to the first episode. In the trailer, as Kawi makes his first trip to the past, there's a bright, swirling glow around him.

When the episode aired, the effect looked a lot cleaner and had scenes from future episodes woven in.

Also, I loved this transition shot with the blurry background, and the dandelion seed floating across the screen was a cute detail, since that's the flower in the time loop globe.

Little things like like this tells me they’ve had the time to do this series well, and that there's a lot of love and effort going into it.

THE ACTING COACH

This February, the acting coach for BMF did an interview (1 & 2) that I really enjoyed. She said she’ll be sharing a video of their workshop now that the series is airing, so I’m keeping an eye out for that.

THE ACTORS

Like I said, I love both of them. I first watched SOTUS and the Kiss series in 2020, so I became a fan of both right around the same time.

In April of 2022, I made a top ten list of what I thought were the best acting performances up to that point. Krist was on it, and so was Gawin. I admire both of them a lot, and I think they’ve both improved tremendously over the years.

Krist, from what I can tell through interviews, leans toward method acting. For example, in the scene I included on my list above, Arthit was apparently meant to cry a few lines later on, but Krist lost it earlier than scripted because in order to channel the emotion he needed for the scene, he imagined how he’d feel when Singto followed through with a long-time dream of studying overseas. It ended up one of their strongest scenes together because it was genuine.

Meanwhile, Gawin was interviewed in November of 2022, and while I think the whole interview is a great read, I wanted to emphasize this part:

“When I prepare for a role, I really have to dig into the story of the script,” [Gawin] explains. “Sometimes they do the last scenes of the series on the first day of being on set. So, you have to be really prepared with the entire story. You’ve got to know the whole thing, what emotions that character went through, and the changes with that character.” 

I think part of what makes Krist and Gawin a good combination is that they’re strong actors with different energies who might just have different ways of preparing for a role. I’d love to hear both of them talk in more detail about their processes, but it seems to me like Krist looks inward for personal experiences to connect with the character, and Gawin creates the character he’s playing based on research.

Another interesting point is that In that same interview, Gawin says he thinks Saifa from Enchanté most resembles his personality (easygoing, music lover, etc.), but he got his start as Mork from the Kiss series (attitude issues, perfect sasspot, etc.). Meanwhile, Krist had an easy link to his first major role, Arthit, in that he’d also been head hazer in university. So Krist started his career able to access a common point with his character, so that might’ve influenced his approach to future roles. Whereas Gawin started off with a character completely unlike himself, so he started from a place of more emotional detachment and probably a more research-oriented approach.

Also, they just seem to have connected on a personal level.

Working with someone so different gives actors the opportunity to learn from each other. When interviewed, Gawin said he and Krist discovered they have a lot in common, and it seems like they bonded over music and spent a lot of time on set singing together. (Their harmonizing is genuinely beautiful.)

Krist’s OST for the series is one of my favorites and Gawin has a ballad coming up later in the series, but I hope they give them a duet at some point. (It’d be a huge missed opportunity if they don’t.)

CATS???

One of the sponsors for the series is fucking Wiskas.

This could just be because Krist is their brand ambassador. (The man has four cats. He has an army to feed.)

OR there is a feline presence in the show. If this is true, I will die, because Triage, series of my soul, also had cats in it.

Listen, I will send TWO baskets of whatever Waa likes if he's enabled me to make the "if I had a nickel for every time there have been cats in a Thai BL time loop series, I'd have two nickels. It's not a lot but it's weird that it happened twice" joke.

CONCLUSION

Big fan! Love it all! (PLEASE CATS.)

I’ll leave this here as an introductory post, and I’ll make separate posts for my individual episode thoughts using #key watches bmf.

[theflyingfeeling]

Aaaaaaa OlliAllu crushing on each other aaaaaaa 🥺💖💕

I wanna know everything about the timeline! 😍

Thanks for asking!! My favourite topic!! 🥺

So just as a disclaimer: the following is based on nothing much but my vivid & delusional imagination (except that it's all totally true and real 😌)

Behold,

💖 The Olli/Allu Love Story Timeline* 💖

(*according to theflyingfeeling / this is gospel truth okay don't fight me)

Pre-Aleksi-joining-the-band / Timebomb -> becoming friends 👨🏼‍🤝‍👨🏻

So I imagine that before Aleksi joined the band, he and Olli were friendly but maybe not super close (or as close as Aleksi may have been to Joel/Joonas/Niko). They respected each other as musicians and, as time passed, figured the other is a pretty cool dude to hang out with and fun to play shows with 🤝 By the time Aleksi joined the band, they were already good friends 😌

(I love how from the very beginning it was not unusual to spot them next to each other in pictures (yes yes I know about their team short/team tall arrangement in pictures, humour me a little here though)

Can we also cry about this (irrelevant to Olli/Allu (unless Olli wrote this)):

"our lovely friend" 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

*

2021: UMK / Eurovision / post-Eurovision -> developing the crush 💕

They started working on Dark Side pretty much right/around when Aleksi first joined the band, right? By then they all, including Olli, had spent more and more time with Aleksi in the studio as well as on stage before he officially joined the band. During the UMK/Eurovision project, however, they were suddenly working together way more intensely (especially after winning UMK), so I like to think that was when their friendship deepened and they found out just how much they have in common (e.g. all their nerdy mutual interests). They probably started to chat more just the two of them (in the UMK video 15 facts about Blind Channel, Aleksi mentioned calling Olli (and always catching him biking lol)) and sort of just drifted towards each other so that they were frequently seen together (the screencap on the right is taken seconds before they stop to stare each other in the eyes, sorry I don't have a gif of that) 💕

(and no I haven't done extensive research on how much more often they were spotted together in comparison to how often they were spotted with other band members just sshhhhhh it's not like this is a doctoral thesis)

If I recall correctly, they also did some interviews together, at least this one where they look like they had just woken up from a nap with lots of cuddles (and maybe even some shy kisses for fun (because sometimes good friends make out for the lols, right??), I mean come on, they look so soft 🥺💓

They also sat (and partied) next to each other during the finale, and shared that one looooooooong hug I mean COME OOOOOON they don't want to let go of each other 😭

Of course, we cannot forget about the tipsy/drunken cuddles during that interview (and in the hotel room a bit later, source: I just know it in my heart) 💞

(remember also the other, less known drunk interview that showed Olli staring at Aleksi dreamily 🥺)

I think around this time they also got a bit flirty with each other for the first time? At least if one is to interpret the way Olli "mocks" (lovingly <3) how Aleksi says his middle name in the hotel room IG stream they did (and of course we're going to interpret the heck out of that, that's why I'm writing this whole thing for 😌 (I still crack up at Niko's "I thought it was Mattson" every time though lol))

Another highlight from 2021 was obviously the moments they shared in the Posse shower stall we have been discussing lately, which show exactly how comfortable they are with each other 😩

Also, I can't remember for sure and I can't find the ask for reference, but was it the summer of 2021 when Aleksi had to miss a show (because he was sick or something?), and reportedly Olli had been all quiet and gloomy that day, to the point that Niko pointed it out on stage during their show, telling the audience (jokingly) that they're sorta worried about Olli because he has barely said a word all day? I remember talking about this with someone and they had videos/pictures/?? about it too, but until I have some actual evidence of this, you're just gonna have to take my word of it 😌 In any case, it goes to show how much they meant to each other already back then 😭

To conclude, I think the year 2021 was the year they slowly developed their (mutual) crush, but without fully realising what was happening. There were some cheeky cuddles (perhaps even sleepy/drunken kisses) and friendly teasing which was totally NOT flirting although it totally was, they weren't just ready to admit it and butterflies in the stomach that they tried to ignore; they're fairly certain they like each other platonically and nothing more, even though they can't help but smile a little more brightly when they get a text from each other and they miss each other a little too much when they're apart... 💕

*

Spring/summer 2022: the US tour / the EU tour / the summer (tour) -> getting together 💞

Let's start off with this poor-quality gif I just made, for no particular reason except that I want y'all to look at how cute they are 🥰

According to Niko (source: just trust me alright, I think he said it on twitter but naturally I can't find anything rn), as I'm sure many of you know by now, during the US tour Olli and Aleksi were often the last ones awake in the tour bus, drinking Mountain Dew and chatting away about nerdy stuff. I think this is when they really grew closer and I can easily imagine that around this time the first thoughts of "what if..." entered their minds 😳

Maybe they sometimes ended up just staring into each others eyes lovingly, before realising neither has said anything for a while (and it was sort of awkward when they did realise, but they just laughed it off), or maybe there were accidental/absentminded touches; maybe they both just felt so warm and cozy in each other's company, and even though they were both getting a little sleepy, they kept on talking for a few more moments because they weren't ready to let go of the moment and "burst the bubble". Maybe they were joking around and being low-key flirty, and when they finally went to bed, they'd be going out of their minds in their bunkbeds, trying not to think about all that too hard.

I like to think that eventually they got more daring, sat more closer to each other, and suddenly the small touches weren't accidental anymore. They could have an entire conversation with Aleksi's hand on Olli's thigh or vice versa and it would feel so nice and so natural 💞 There may have been a few kisses too, just for fun and because the vibes are right, and maaaaaaybe they don't really talk about it that much, but they definitely can't wait to try that again somewhere a bit more private 👀

Speaking of which, we also know that they roomed together at least once ("Little Man asked first"), and by some inexplicable coincidence, the two of them were the only ones in the band who got ill during the tour? Huh, that's strange 🤔😌 So I have a reason to believe the US tour was when they first got together, even if they thought they were just fooling around back then 🥰

(can't think of anything in particular to say about the EU tour in the spring, but we can look at these pictures nevertheless 💗_💗)

and then 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭

Getting emotional receiving the gold records in Ruisrock, hugging each other the first thing because who else would they hug, what more prove do you even need to see how much these two love each other 😭

We also know that in the summer 2022 Olli stayed at Aleksi's when he was in Helsinki (not sure if this happened every time he was in the capital but there were a few occasions), I think they were spotted grocery shopping together or something? They also participated in this interview together, providing us moments such as

1) the two of them sitting tightly in Aleksi's (?) car,

2) hearing that they had spent the night together watching old tour videos,

3) Olli commenting on Aleksi's outfit ("I warned you..." = he had been looking at Aleksi's dick through his pants 🥰 (at least I assume it's about the romper that showed the outline of his peepee? he says "last summer" but I don't think his outfit in the 2021 summer tour was as controversial? it was literally just a black t-shirt (with a white long-sleeve underneath sometimes) and black trousers, so I assume he means "the summer that has passed" (the interview took place in August))

4) Olli's surprise when Aleksi says he, too, would like to collaborate with Skrillex and Aleksi teasing Olli about "having thought about Skrillex last night" (don't worry Aleksi, I'm sure he was thinking more about you than Skrillex 🥺)

To sum up, in the first half of the year 2022, they got together for the first time and formed a special kinda bond, slowly falling in deep, soft love 🥺💕

*

Autumn 2022: the EU headline tour, the London & LA song-writing camps -> honeymoon time 💖

...yeah, I wonder what happened during the EU headline tour 😳

(they fucked. a lot. rough. this is the truth.)

...and before they left for the honeymoon song-writing camp, they did the cutest thing that any two humans have ever done in the history of the universe 😭

I mean 😭😭😭😭 are y'all still crying about this?! because I never stopped 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 you can just imagine them grocery shopping for studio snacks together and they spot this card (I do wonder what the picture on the front is) and have this grand idea and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the giggles when they wrote the card and gave it to daddy!Johnny AAAAAAAAAAA I'm going to explode if I think about how unbelieavably cute it all is, is this not something you do with a very special bro of yours?! I cannot handle it 🥺💕

In London they went on a date on Olli's birthday (yes I have decided the others weren't there 😌) and Aleksi took the most boyfriend picture of him because they're boyfriends in love 🥺

In LA we know they shared the bed (source: you can't prove they didn't!!) and looked very very soft and boyfriends; in conclusion, they were on a honeymoon 💖

*

2023: boyfriends boyfriending 💓💞💕💖💗

And yeah, that sort of brings us to this year and the way they are now, so cute and sweet and boyfriend and touching each other for no reason thinking they're being discreet and playfighting and giggling at each other's joke like they're the most hilarious person that ever lived and smiling sweetly when they see the other has replied to their text and being so fucking cute in Aleksi's twitch streams without Olli even physically being there and getting engaged for real and just 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Of course there are soooooooooo many moments over the years that I also want to mention but can't really pinpoint in the timeline, such as all the clothes/accessory-sharing and adopting each other's style (cuffed jeans and tucked-in shirts) and the wine drinking while listening to soft music and cuddling in meet-and-greet pictures and looking so happy about it too and in general always sitting/standing next to each other in pictures ("but they don't always--" YES they do always, don't even fight me about this 😤), the evidence is right there in front of your own two eyeballs if only you choose to see it and live like a king the way we do here in the Olli/Allu Delulu Land ✨

Finally, let me do a random photo dump to further illustrate my point if you're not yet convinced for some reason (and to reach the 30 pictures per post limit) 💖

(sorry for no sources, if this is the reason I go to jail I'm going happily)

[zhiroaesthetics]

Mid-Summer Writing Updates

Was told that giving updates about non-major works is also valid to prove that this page is alive so...teehee!

Mental Check

To say that I've been slacking this year is a grave understatement. It frustrates me because posting in December 2023 (Kaveh) then January 2024 (Haruaki) truly made me believe that I had found my groove, then I saw my stats and gave up, yay! It's just hard writing when I already don't have the healthiest approach towards writing (it's really bad, like I cried so much writing both of those drafts), and that level of effort goes unnoticed by both the audience and myself. But I've slowly been accepting the fact that I can't gain the audience I want if I don't prove that I exist. After all, posting since 2021(?) but not even having ten entries is silly. With that being said, I have been writing consistently over the summer, but have been slowed down because I've been active, like this is the first week that I've been in my room this entire month.

Goals for Pre-Fall 2024

I'm definitely going to have at least three posts before the end of the year. I always try to have more than the year prior, and considering how little I have to my name, it's been pretty doable.

I've been going back and forth between Bowman (Granblue Fantasy) and Kyo (King of Fighters) for the past two months, and I know for the latter that his second draft is going to be posted before fall, though I'm not sure about the former. My writer's block on his draft isn't the worst despite the fact that I have to rewrite the first half of what I currently have, but I struggle trying to prioritize that draft over Kyo's given that I don't know how well a NSFW Bowman entry would be perceived. Regardless, if I post twice before Late August, expect for it to be these two bums.

Goals for Fall 2024

This is tricky, as it HIGHLY DEPENDS on what I end up fixating on, but definitely expect Tai Gong Wang (Fate/Grand Order). I've been wanting to write him since the beginning of time, but lack of knowledge on his character thanks to me exclusively playing FGO on the global server and things implied under mental check made it hard for me to prioritize writing the idea that was practically given to me. But what was initially supposed to be a collector's item ended up being NP3 and LVL 100, so I'm taking it as a sign to - at some point - lock in, and I think doing so right after clearing out my current drafts would be perfect timing.

Do, however, look out for these people:

Blade (Honkai: Star Rail)

Diluc (Genshin Impact)

Charlemagne (Fate)

Goals for Winter 2024/5

Yae Miko. Despite her being a December 2024 goal, she's one of my more ambitious projects due to research and it not being a one chapter entry. Even as I'm currently working on Kyo and Bowman, I'm immersing myself within The Pillow Book, as Sei's story is what most of Yae Miko's story will be in reference to. Also Haruaki, again, hopefully January 1st.

Do, however, look out for these people:

Kaveh (Genshin Impact)

Saichi Sugimoto (Golden Kamuy)

Miscellaneous

Girl if you saw how far I made it into my Senji draft, when I started, and when I stopped, you'd be wondering why my #1 isn't in any of my defined goals. And I'd say shit happens! Senji's draft had a very extensive outline, and I lost that very extensive outline, so I lost my motivation yay! Nevertheless, I still want to get it out there because I think it's a really funny one chapter entry.

Also Toji. Very much an outlier, but I've been putting him on the backburner because his draft is also one of my more ambitious projects, but one that challenges my writing skills in a duller way because of the amount of mundane scenes present. Also not a one chapter entry.

Anyways uh, thanks for peeping the yap session, meow!

[deepautumncolors]

💅🏻 ~New Year's Mani~ 💅🏻

Hi everyone! Since New Year’s is in the middle of the week, I postponed my usual Manicure Monday post (and also because I didn’t have it done in time!). My last manicure of the year is a black background with multicolored glitter on top. Shoutout to @ohmyg0sh for coming up with the idea! I’ve always thought black would be a good nail color for New Year’s Eve, but I never had any until this year.

The name of the base polish is Black Satin from the Lasting Finish Pro line, which isn’t around anymore. If it looks familiar, that’s because I also wore it for Halloween two months ago. I skipped the base coat this time, which I may regret when I remove it next week, but we’ll see how it goes. The first coat was sheer and streaky just like last time, but the second coat resolved the problems and made it opaque. This is what it looks like by itself.

Sunlight:

Shade:

Then I added You Had Me at Confetti from OPI’s Celebration Collection, which was released in Winter 2021. I haven’t worn it since LAST New Year’s when I wore it over a deep blue teal. On top of black this time, it definitely resembles the fireworks and confetti that fill the night sky when the ball drops in Times Square and the clock strikes twelve!

I usually go over my nails once or twice with the glitter and then fill in the empty spots. When you put on sparkles like this, it’s better to dab the brush instead of swiping it to make sure they’re spread out evenly so they don’t all end up towards the top of your nails. When I was almost done applying the glitter, I figured out another way to make sure all the glitter doesn’t land in the same spot: to not only start at the bottom and paint towards the top as usual, but to also start at the top and paint towards the bottom so that they meet in the middle. I wish I had thought of that sooner, but I’ll remember for next time. A lot of the bigger sized flakes were stuck at the bottom of the bottle, so I had to fish around for them and keep tipping the bottle upside down. I messed up the side of my right thumb nail after I was done, but I was able to salvage it without starting over. I’m extremely pleased with how they came out in the end!

At this point I’ve reviewed just about all my polishes and I didn’t get any new ones for Christmas, so I probably won’t have as many reviews in 2025 – unless I buy myself any or borrow some more of my sister’s the next time I see her. I may add OPI’s Cajun Shrimp to my collection, but if I do, I wouldn’t wear it until the summer. I think this year it will be nice to wear some repeats that I haven’t worn in a couple years, and I’ll try to stay on the schedule of painting my nails every other week like I’ve been doing. Maybe I’ll also try doing some more skittle manicures like the one I did for Easter last year and new color combinations that I’ve never done before.

🎉 Happy New Year! 🎉

[barzzal]

Be warned this is gonna be long i apologize in advance, but this is all just me giving a massive kudos to you and your work. I’m so happy to see this updated thank you for your hard work and talented writing.

*inhales*

*exhales*

After reading interlude ii for CMC and as usual I loved it to bits but also I AM SUDDENLY CONFLICTED? With BOTH SIDES????? The whole time I was like “Yeah Sidney take the fucking L” but now that we have the full detailed story of how it led up to that moment, suddenly the situation is so much more complicated. HE ACTUALLY WAS READY AT THE LAST MOMENT OH GOD HE WAS GOING TO DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO MAKE IT UP TO HER AND THE BABY HE WAS READY TO BE A PARTNER AND DAD-

And now my head is in my hands as I think: ‘Oh my god. Reader didn’t give him a chance to be a dad to Lucas for NEARLY SEVEN YEARS (even though she was justifiably pissed at him) AND HE THOUGHT HIS BABY WAS GONE’

And, please hear me out. The pregnancy and the actual birth of the baby are two different parts of the process. It’s different for everyone, but sometimes it takes a few weeks or months for the parents to feel a connection with their baby once they’re born; It’s actually quite common among parents. Same goes for the pregnancy term. It’s fucking scary, raising a child; You’re not just living your life for yourself, you’re living your life for the best interest of your child. And while there’s absolutely no excuse for Sid and his emotional distance/neglect (believe me when I say I still want to sock him in the face for his initial reaction), it does bring perspective at to why he reacted that way. Correct me if I’m wrong, but he was scared that his commitment to his career would end up hurting his kid, not being able to be there for them. Of course, dumbass man sucked at communicating that to Reader properly huh

But he did come back. He did return. He was ready to begin repenting. Lucas wasn’t even born yet and he was ready to do right by him and Reader both.

Suddenly I am now in full panic mode because once Lucas gets older enough to question why did his mom keep him away from his dad if both parents loved and wanted him from the start. And I know reader said in previous chapters that everything she did was for her son and his happiness and safety which is an absolute HELL YES THAT’S WHAT BEING A PARENT IS ABOUT, but did she ever consider the possibility that keeping them both hidden away from Sid would potentially hurt all of them more than it would help? Lucas never got to meet the other side of the family; Troy and Trina never got to be grandparents, Taylor never got to be an aunt. They weren’t able to see Lucas grow up, and I just know they would’ve loved him the moment they were told of his existence.

Am I allowed to feel angry at both Sid and Reader? I am so sorry I… just love this story so much, I’ve never felt so many emotions reading before. Please correct me if I’m wrong in any way.

first of all, ily oh gosh. i never expect a comment this long from anyone but omg thank you!! i appreciate you taking the time to lmk which part/s u like/impacted u most 🥺 not lying when i say i was smiling as i read it entirely it’s truly fulfilling to come across a reader as passionate as u so endless thanks my dear 🫶🏻

second, ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID! i honestly can’t wait for them to be happy why can’t they just sit together and talk things out it’s not that hard 😭 had enough of little lukey having to bear poor adult choices!!

to clarify tho, since i’ve been mia on here and on the updates, the series was supposed to be done in 2022 😫 so our timeline for cmc would be that it’s still 2021 going 2022 (refer to teaser #3).

for everyone to be on the same page, allow me to recapitulate:

april 2015

refer to teaser #1

sidney is 27 yrs. turning 28 yrs. in aug

reader is 26 yrs.

first month of summer, 2015

june: reader finds out she’s pregnant

july: miscarriage scare; sid and reader break up before kris’ wedding

post breakup, 2015-2016

sidney wins the cup, oct 2015 to june 2016

post breakup, 2016

january: luke is born on 6th of january (kind of like his dad’s bday 8.7.87 = 1.6.16)

post breakup, 2016-2017

sidney wins another cup, oct 2016 to april 2017

post breakup, 2019

reader moves back to pittsburgh; hides sid’s son

post break up, 2021 [we’ll go back to this timeline on ch. 6]

sidney is 33 yrs. going 34 yrs. (refer to teaser #2)

reader is 31 going 32

luke is 5 yrs. a few months older than geno’s son, nikita

minimum age requirement for sid’s little penguins hockey is 5 yrs.

luke enters hockey program, meets sidney; sidney meets luke and reader

timeline for ch. 6 until stated otherwise

ANYWAY, i’m so excited we’re now on the second half of the series!!! ✨and the plot thickens✨

[xiaoluclair]

38 lestappen

38. life or death kiss // lestappen // [ rating: M ] // skip all the way to the end for warnings but beware they do contain spoilers (obviously lol). also: MILD SMUT. not beta read! expect plenty of mistakes oops.

(the format of one section is inspired by a part from all to play for. it's small, but credit where credit is due.)

---

there is a prayer in the room, period one: 

don’t touch, don’t touch, don’t touch.

it speaks since hasselt, 1997. later (years later), he pictures a wikipedia page: the birth with a 500% death rate.

the baby next door goes home and is dressed in a swaddle of mint green. max goes home and is dressed in black.

a month after, his father asks, “can he still race?” it is not quite acceptance. it is as close as he is given for a while. 

they have pets. max, for all he knows about liking things, likes their pets. three dogs, four cats, two budgies, a pigeon. later (years later) he does not remember the soft of their fur, the tickle of their ears, the chip of their beaks.

older, he asks, did we give them to other people?

no, replies his father. you would not let me. now put your helmet on.

they had pets.

under gloves is where it hides, sleeps in pale skin. sweaty summers, blessed winters. winter, coincidentally, is his favorite time. good time, easier time. less poking curiosity from his class. a CONFIDENTIAL watermark over his name, his contract clauses, his life.

his dad finds him within a small patch of daisies by the hairpin. the skin on his hands is breathing, finding sunlight in the air. he says, "put your suit on."

max tries, "just one minute? the flowers are very beautiful."

his dad does not disagree. instead he crouches down, takes max's hand without much force. brings it to the ground between the grass. then, he he lets him go.

max stares up at him. he says, "put your suit on."

"but," says max. put your suit on. his dad only watches. waits. the grass thrums between max's fingers. a tickle touches his skin; a spider has found his thumb.

his dad says, "now." max takes his hand off the grass.

immediately, it starts to turn leathery. the daisies go brown, their stems withering. the spider curls into itself until it is a rib of thin legs, stills. max could touch it now. it would not change.

it is horrific.

what his dad says: "winners do not care about beauty."

what max remembers: winners are not beautiful.

anyway. max wins.

and wins.

and wins.

and wins.

he says later (years later), it was always just me and my dad. if i had a mother, it was racing. and i've made both of them proud today i think, so. it was worth it.

it was worth it.

he meets charles in the spring of 2012.

it's almost like meeting two people. in front of the camera, like a polished streak of metal. then on track, the abrasion of him. after, between walls, the thought of shutting him up, quietening his mouth with his own.

you could get me disqualified!

what about me? you pushed me first!

charles glances down more than a few times. max, the memory of a daisy in his head, flips him the bird before walking away.

in the van, he grabs his bottle of water. throws up into it.

anyway. apparently that is the start of a thing (nameless).

he meets charles in the winter of 2018.

he meets charles in the summer of 2019.

he meets charles in the autumn of 2020.

he meets charles in the spring of 2021.

there's the five of them, talking quietly together before the press conference starts. the current topic: charles.

he asks, “you had a problem in f2, right?” and charles, of course, nods. lando lets out a laugh. valterri blinks at the ceiling.

anyway, the red car is in the wall before lap two.

apparently charles is cursed too.

in 2021, max wins his first championship.

in 2022, he wins his second.

in 2023, he wins his third.

in the midst of them, there is a conversation:

he's in a club and the lights are low. sweat drips like rain down his back. he can feel it, the lake collecting in the hollow of his spine as he leans against the seat-back.

it displaces under the warm weight of a hand. 'sup, maximus?

daniel is drunk. he can barely hold conversation so he is very drunk. across the table, pierre is spilling a caipirinha over himself. daniel is also flirty, which says nothing about his inebriety. max, has anyone told you, you're very beautiful.

max rolls his eyes, tucks away the sour that threatens his mouth. winners, he says, the gin and tonic says, are not beautiful.

when he looks up, there are eyes already on him. charles turns, passes pierre another napkin.

in 2028, max retires with 4 championships. in abu dhabi, lando gives him a pack of colored fabric pens. for leather.

"for your." he nods to max's hands. there is latex on them right now ㅡ he has yet to change.

max grins. "thanks, mate. i'll have lots of fun with this one."

lando rolls his eyes. he's probably thinking max will draw a penis.

he's probably right.

in 2032, charles wins a championship. wins his first championship.

he opens the door of his hotel room the next afternoon, mouth like the moon. he offers max some room service soup. they chat, watch replays.

at a point (nameless), max catches charles's eyes. dark, heavy. his swallow gets stuck in his throat.

he thinks: just this once. just this time.

later (minutes later) charles, red, glistening, glowing from face to feet, comes stuttering on max's sweats, all over his glove.

he looks beautiful.

just this once. just this time.

what a load of bullshit.

inevitably probably, charles brings it up. max is crusting in his underwear, thinking of soaking a towel, when he does. he says, "you never touch me."

max blinks. shifts to rest on an elbow. he wiggles a hand, white on latex. "i do."

charles takes it and lowers it to the ruffled covers. "you know what i mean." asks, “why not?”

max bites his lip. glances at charles's own. away again. tells him, “you are beautiful.” 

an eyebrow quirks. "so?"

"so," says max, "i cannot."

after a moment: "i thought you said winners were not beautiful."

yeah. he did. his shoulders shrug and something small and heavy slips from their bone. "i was wrong."

after another moment: "i think you are beautiful too."

"good," replies max, cheeky. charles unravels him again far too soon until it is raw, on the verge painful, thin as a thread or the edge of a blade.

max is watching the race from his friend's balcony. he watches: car number 2 trip across the nouvelle chicane, car number 36 nearly slide into the wall at portier, car number 16 cross the line first.

after, in the evening, charles blisters his way into max's apartment. grabs one of max's gloves from drawer of the trophy cabinet. max is pushed gracelessly into the couch cushions.

equalizer 2 plays listlessly in the background as he comes on the leather over charles's fingers, the crude, childish drawing of a penis.

out of the blue one night, charles says, "i am in love with you."

across the couch, a lead weight knots itself through max's stomach. he says, "you cannot say that."

charles glances from the tv to their legs woven in the centre of the couch to max's face. "why not?"

max tries to explain, "it is a big thing."

charles says, "i know."

max thinks he would be more accepting of love if he knew how. if he grew with it. he knows love like: scraped skin, the edge of broken bones, a drop of gold.

he knows love like: the sun, the fur of bumblebees, a field of maize.

he does not know love like hot soup. like the swell of crescendo, like a heartbeat.

but he is learning.

in 2037, charles retires with 3 championships.

he lives in max's apartment in monaco. at some point, two cats appear. (appeared, echoes charles dubiously. max grins, innocence.)

so, they have pets.

once, he touches a plant. is knocked into it really, a rose on display at the garden centre, the edge of his cheek on a petal. it grays, withers, curls in guttering fashion. sickness steals right to his stomach. charles says, hey, a uniform walking by. do you have any fake plants?

the bedroom door locks at night to keep the cats out. sometimes, in the space (nameless) before they sleep, their hands will hold each other. hang above the floor between their beds. breathe in tandem.

charles: climbs a million mountains with his brothers, designs clothes, plays piano, comes home to max.

max: jet skis in every ocean, builds a karting track with daniel, wins sim races, comes home to charles.

and the cats. of course.

for many years, it is a good life.

everything is ready. within touching distance of the covers. a blue tube, piles of hand towels, energy bars, stacks of water bottles.

a laugh bubbles out from somewhere, the last dregs of ink from a pen. "this feels so fucking silly."

"i know," muses charles. "oh, i also brought jelly cubes." he gets them from his bag, puts them on the bedside table.

then. that's it. a gaze kneels in front of his own.

charles spreads his fingers, a flower in bloom. he whispers, "this is the hardest part."

max bites his lip. he puts his gloved hand into charles's palm.

charles's eyes are smiling a kaleidoscope, hair worn and soft between his skin.

this is it. thinks max. i'm about to touch a dead man. the thought makes him laugh.

charles grins too, like he knows max's head. he does, a little. he murmurs, "a kiss to seal the deal?" his eyes flick down.

a memory: you could get me disqualified. what about me? you pushed me first.

max pulls him in the rest of the way.

he pushed me, i pushed him back. you never touch me. winners are not beautiful. i am in love with you. you cannot say that. why not? nothing, just an incident. you are beautiful. winners do not care about beauty. just this once. just this time. i think you are beautiful too. i do. it is a big thing. i know.

i'm in love with you too.

there is a prayer in the room, period two: 

don’t let go, i won’t, don’t let go, i won’t, don’t let go, i won’t. 

the covers are off to the side. i get sweaty, max had said, when charles tried to lazily tug him closer. charles didn't waste much time expending the duvet after that.

they talk, a lot. more than he would've expected. "sometimes i think that is all we needed. someone else," murmurs max. he is aware of charles's touch as it moves down his stomach. he is also not usually one for what ifs.

(your mother was a racer herself. do you think she would be proud?

i don't know. it was always just me and my dad. if i had a mother, it was racing.)

"maybe," says charles quietly. "or maybe it would have been the same. maybe it could have been worse."

max says, "i wonder if they would've been like me."

charles hums. his hand has burned a line to the crease in max's legs. "i think it might be wonderful," he says eventually, "to have more of you in the world." then his hand slips entirely around him.

the sound max makes hits the back of charles's throat, is swallowed into his belly.

they shower together three times. max presses him into the wall, sinks to his knees. sucks the life out of him. they dry in the air three times, in the worn sheets that once lay made over the beds.

arthur asks once a day if it's normal for sassy to stare at him. she looks carnivorous, his texts read. the other one keeps jumping on me while i'm working out.

charles replies. max folds himself around his back. they laugh, they fuck, they eat, they drink, they shower, they sleep. they kiss, they kiss, they kiss. they touch.

a week is up far too soon.

this is the hardest part, charles had said.

no, thinks max as charles thumbs the skin of his shoulder. his smile is soft honey in the heat of sunrise. his moles glow. he is beautiful. this is.

charles says, "so? was it everything you dreamed of and more?" he is desert hot and clammy. his fingers are tender. the fatelines on his palms press to max's own.

max kisses him. "it was everything."

charles smiles into it. then, he lets go. they both do.

on may 3rd 2052, max goes home and dresses in black.

he has a clasp around his throat, unassumingly rectangular, engraved: CLV. a note in ink: worth it.

there is a prayer in the room, period one: 

thank you, thank you, thank you.

(it was beautiful.)

WARNINGS: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH | MILD SMUT

[mariacallous]

ŠABAC, Serbia (JTA) — On a recent morning in the Serbian town of Šabac, 69-year-old Borka Marinković sat around a table with half a dozen schoolteachers, none of them Jewish, and opened up about her complicated life as the daughter of Holocaust survivors.

Marinković’s mother was interned at a concentration camp on the Croatian island of Rab, but in 1943, partisans rescued her and she joined the resistance effort as a cryptographer. She then met Marinković’s father, a Yugoslavian partisan.

Three years later, after the war ended, they married and began a family, but they rarely spoke of the horrors they had endured. Only at the age of 15 did Marinković, née Salcberger — whose first name means “fighter” — even learn she was a Jew.

“In 1983, I married a Serb and gladly took his family name. Somehow it helped me assimilate into the new society,” said Marinković. “But the ethnic wars of the 1990s gave me flashbacks of the Holocaust, and at some point in my life I felt ashamed that I had kept my Jewish identity secret.”

Marinković, who told her story calmly but brought her entire audience to tears, eventually wrote a book about the tortured experiences of second-generation Holocaust survivors like herself.

“This is my first time speaking with teachers,” Marinković told the Jewish Telegraphic Agency through a translator after her story, which was followed by a breakaway session in which educators discussed how to use the narrative in a classroom setting. “I get emotional when I talk about my parents, but I think this message is very important for future generations.”

Marinković and two other second-generation survivors were participating in a seminar with 30 Serbian teachers at the Hotel Sloboda in Šabac (pronounced SHA-betz), a town on the banks of the Sava River whose small Jewish community was decimated during the war. The hotel is only two city blocks from a branch of the national bank where in August 1941 the Nazis hanged 10 prominent Šabac Jews from electricity poles.

The event was arranged by The Olga Lengyel Institute for Holocaust Studies and Human Rights (TOLI) — a New York-based nonprofit that provides Holocaust education programs to teachers in the United States and Europe — in conjunction with local partner Terraforming, a Serbian civil society organization that teaches about the Holocaust and fights antisemitism and xenophobia.

Svetlana Maksimovic, 43, an English teacher at the seminar from the southern Serbian town of Prokulje, said “Serbs aren’t familiar with the Holocaust.”

“Even well-educated Serbs don’t know much about it,” said Maksimovic, a Serbian Orthodox woman who visited Israel last summer. “I think it’s a really big step for Serbia’s educational system that this topic is now being taught in schools.”

Oana Bajka, the associate director of TOLI International Programs, said the Aug. 21-24 event marked the 54th such seminar for TOLI and the third of its type in Serbia; the previous two, in 2021 and 2022, took place in Novi Sad, about an hour’s bus ride north of Šabac. TOLI now operates in 11 countries throughout Europe: Bulgaria, Croatia, Greece, Italy, Lithuania, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Serbia, Spain and Ukraine.

“In every country, the teachers gain an understanding about the responsibilities of their governments during the Holocaust,” said Bajka, who joined TOLI in 2019 and works from an office in Timasoara, Romania. “That’s one of our big challenges, because often governments have difficulty acknowledging their collaboration with Nazi Germany.”

Frequently, said Bajka, people tend to identify with their nation’s good deeds while overlooking the crimes. For example, she said, “in Bulgaria they talk a lot about saving Bulgarian Jews, and not so much Bulgaria’s role in deporting the Jews from Thrace and Macedonia.”

Under President Aleksandar Vučić, Serbia — like Poland, Hungary and most recently Slovakia — has veered politically to the far right in recent years. Local fascist and neo-Nazi groups are motivated by traditional antisemitism and anti-immigrant sentiment. Anger over the 2008 declaration of independence by predominantly Albanian-speaking Kosovo — which most Serbs consider an integral part of their country — has also fueled the rise of intense nationalism in this country of 7.1 million, which includes about 3,000 Jews.

Antisemitism and Holocaust discourse are issues elsewhere in the Balkans and in parts of Eastern Europe, too. Last year, Romania’s nationalist AUR party issued a statement calling Holocaust education — which had just been mandated in Romanian high schools — a “minor topic.” His comments were condemned by David Saranga, Israel’s then-ambassador to Romania. But on Aug. 28, Saranga’s successor, Reuven Azar, met with AUR’s president, George Simion, after the latter agreed that Romania is indeed responsible for the killing of Jews on territory it held during World War II.

Šabac resident Natalija Perišić decided to take action on the subject after reading the book “Sophie’s Choice.” Author William Styron based Sophie on Hungarian Holocaust survivor Olga Lengyel, whose 1946 book, “Five Chimneys: A Woman Survivor’s True Story of Auschwitz,” was one of the first published accounts about the Nazi genocide.

Perišić says the murder of six million Jews has particular relevance in Serbia, which helped perpetrate the July 1995 massacre of some 8,000 Bosniak Muslim men and boys in the town of Srebrenica during the 1992-95 Bosnian War. In 2013, then-Serbian President Tomislav Nikolić apologized for the “crime” of Srebrenica but refused to call it a genocide.

“We think of ourselves as a nation of people against fascism, and we like to think of Serbian bravery,” said Perišić. “But I do not see that we’ve drawn any lessons from the 1990s.”

Belgrade educator Alexander Todosijevic, president of the Serbia History Teachers’ Association, said that this program was especially timely, given the pressure teachers now face about how they present history.

“It’s very important for Serbian teachers to know about the Holocaust and to be motivated to teach it,” he said, adding that the seminar, which provided pedagogical approaches, has become popular in Serbia. More than 150 teachers applied to take part this year alone.

TOLI also takes its seminar participants to sites “connected to Jewish heritage and local history,” Bajka said. On the program this year was a scholarly presentation about the ill-fated Kladovo transport — a secret effort to help 1,051 Jewish refugees escape Nazi-occupied Europe via the Danube River and Black Sea to then-Palestine. The effort ended in failure when their chartered ship got stranded in Šabac, and the Nazis killed nearly everyone aboard or in the Sajmište concentration camp near Belgrade.

Teachers visited the burned-out remains of a mill that had temporarily housed about 500 refugees from the Kladovo transport, as well as a small synagogue where the Jews of Šabac used to pray.

Katarzyna Suszkiewicz, who heads the education department at Krakow’s Galicia Jewish Museum in Poland, said these teachers are “on the front lines.”

“They have direct contact with youth, and we must support them,” she said. “Local leaders or NGOs don’t have that kind of contact. And if teachers are incompetent or don’t know much, they’ll never risk interacting with students on such a difficult subject.”

Suzkiewicz, 38, isn’t Jewish, but she can relate to the Holocaust because her grandmother was a forced laborer in Germany. In Poland, where 90% of the country’s 3 million Jews were murdered in Nazi death camps, “historical facts put us in a spotlight, and this is something we will never escape,” she said.

“You cannot separate Jewish stories from Polish stories. At some point, I felt robbed because I wasn’t taught much about Jews at school, and so I wasn’t properly prepared for my visit to Auschwitz,” she said. “For many, the Holocaust is very distant. But atrocities are not that far away, and when the war in Ukraine broke out, they realized that Auschwitz can happen again.”

TOLI’s local partner in Serbia, Terraforming, was founded in 2008 by Miško Stanišić. A non-Jew born and raised in Sarajevo, Stanišić fled in 1992 during intense fighting between ethnic Serbs and Bosnians, taking refuge in the Netherlands and later Sweden. He now lives in Novi Sad, Serbia’s second-largest city that was home to a once-sizable Jewish community.

“I believe that the majority population should be in charge of protecting the minority, and giving voice to those who are weak,” he said.

Terraforming has also produced a series of educational graphic novels about the Holocaust based on biographies, said Stanišić.

“They’re not just stories, but combined teaching materials that include primary sources, maps and historical photos. It’s all digital,” he said. “We’re targeting youth from 10 years old up to young adults. There are obviously not enough visual resources to tell these stories.”

Nor are there many eyewitnesses to the Holocaust left in Serbia. In fact, said Stanišić, “just a handful, maybe 10 survivors all in their late 90s. That is why we invite the second generation.”

Maksimovic, the English teacher from Prokulje, became fascinated with the Holocaust after reading “The Letters of Hilda Dajč.” The graphic novel by Aleksandr Zograf is based on the recollections of a Jewish architecture student who volunteered to work as a nurse at the Nazi-run Staro Sajmište concentration camp and was later gassed there — along with 6,000 other women, children and elderly men — in the spring of 1942.

“Her letters really moved me. I compare her to Anne Frank,” Maksimovic said. “We’ve also had wars here and we know what genocide means. It’s very important to introduce this topic from an early age, so that it never happens again. And there’s a way to teach this to children, without the horror, in a way they’ll understand.”

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

A and G

Today is my dog G's birthday. He's 4. We got him in the early fall of 2020 when I couldn't take not having a dog anymore. Our first dog died in April of 2019, right after J's and my 14th wedding anniversary and immediately before the Boy's spring break at school. It was horrible. All of us cried. She was really, really old for a dog...14 at the absolute youngest she could be, but probably more like 16+. She was a rescue, so we didn't know her birthday when we got her, like we know G's.

Man, I was really busted up when she died. Just devastated. She was my first dog. J got her for our family when I was 27, never having been allowed to have a dog growing up. Up to that point, excepting only the grandparents who practically raised me and died when I was still a kid, it was the hardest loss of my life. I didn't know how to handle the grief; felt weak and guilty about the level and intensity of my grief about a dog, realizing with some shame that I was grieving her more than I did (or would) some human beings I was (or would be) expected to mourn. J and our son were obviously grieving too, and I didn't want to pile on or exacerbate theirs by talking about mine, so I called A. I didn't have to explain anything because A lived my same experience. He wasn't allowed to have a dog as a kid either. He got his first dog when he was 25; was crushed when he died. A just got me. His second dog died about a month after my first one did. Mutual tears. A had 4 dogs when he died; one of them he'd only had for barely more than a year. I think about those dogs all the time. About how much he loved all of them. About how they all got cheated. About how the dogs don't understand why A isn't around anymore. I feel like I have a lot in common with the dogs, honestly.

When we got G I sent A about 4000 pictures of him as a puppy, and told him stories about all the crazy shit G did as a puppy (and continues to do as a Big Boy Doggo). It was a lot of crazy shit. We traded puppy and dog pictures and stories a lot. When A came up here in the summer of 2021 right after everyone got vaccinated the first time, he met G. The only person not in our son's virtual school group or our immediate family to meet him. A fucking loved G. He loved all the stories about all the crazy shit. He loved how fucking annoyed I was when G seemed to do bad shit just to specifically fuck with me. (Like A did.) Once I threatened to drive G down to 'Uncle A's House' because he was being a particularly horrible little shit and A said, "You are welcome to do that, but if you do it, I will not give him back. 😝😂❤️ I love G! He's the best! 😍😂"

He is the best even though he's a scaredy-cat-goofball-psycho-clown who obstinately will not mind J outside and insists on eating any piece of inappropriate yard trash he can find. And I miss A. Bad. I fucking hate the knowledge that this time around, I can't call A when That Time comes for G. I like to think of myself as a grounded, realistic, and grateful person who knows and accepts the finite nature of things. Who doesn't take things for granted and make self serving assumptions about life. I'm not naive and deluded; I know we're all going to eventually die, and I know that you never know when anyone's time is going to be up, even with big screaming warning signs (like your dog is 16+ with advancing kidney disease and probably a neuro condition), and definitely when you don't have any (like when your healthy, under 50 bestie just fucking DIES when you talked to him 3 days ago and he literally said he and everyone he lived with were 'all good 👍'). But damn I still feel fucking cheated that my 45 year old human best friend did not outlive my dog. I honestly still feel fucking cheated that dogs even DIE.

Anyway I'm sad and missing both A and my first dog, but I still love our wacky shithead G and will celebrate the birthday he super doesn't understand with him today. I hope he lives to be 5000 in dog years.

[funishment-time]

For the SR ask game: 1, 7, 48!

- goshdangronpa

1. What was your first exposure to Danganronpa?

the Game Grumps, but NOT their first Danganronpa playthrough (~2020). at the time it was High Quarantine and i knew little about DR other than that it seemed Hunger Gamesy, and honestly i didn't know if i could handle that mentally. so i skipped it. eventually when they did DR2 (~2021-2022) i started watching that one, and when they were halfway done with that, i went back and binged the first DR to get context.

it was probably another year, however, before i really got into the fandom, as i found out my Manager really loves it too!

(really hoping they play v3 this year, by the way. they seemed very open to it last summer. i don't think they'll ever play UDG and i wouldn't want them to)

7. You get the chance to reassign five characters new talents. Who do you choose, and which new talents do they get?

i take this question to mean Talent Switching, and if it doesn't i don't care, so here's a few Talent Switch AUs for you:

Sayaka is now the SHSL ASSASSIN who took up the job to pay bills after her idol career began to tank. her cover is still the SHSL IDOL. she freaks out at the start of DR1 because she bungled her last assassination and she thinks the Killing Game is a punishment by some faceless contractor. the first trial is much the same, with Makoto finding out he didn't know much about this childhood friend of his at all, except we also discover her idol career had started to bounce back right before the killing game, and she would have gotten out of her job as an assassin. then, of course, we find out that she would have exited Hope's Peak to nothing at all. same plot, different emotional strings

Junko is now the SHSL CHILD CAREGIVER except she uses horrific Cocomelon-esque to keep kids hypnotically in line. she knows nothing about kids otherwise. there's no WOH because they're too busy watching ADHD Enoshima YTPs

Peko is now the SHSL ANIMAL BREEDER in an alternate universe where she gets to pet all the floofers she wants. she is sweet and quiet and if you threaten her majestic floofers she will disembowel you with a sword

Toko is now the SHSL ANTHROPOLOGIST. her understanding of culture helps her write novels that truly Encapsulate what it means to be a human, but doesn't help her at all in her personal life. (these things never do.) she is still bitter and angry and traumatized and Syo wants to disembowel cute boys to See How They Work. isn't humanity beeeeeeeyutiful? KYAHAHAHAHA.

K1-B0 as the SHSL ARTIST. still a robot, but now trying to figure out if what he does counts as AI Art and if he can ever understand others through it. Hope's Peak comes under fire for allowing him to attend, but nay-sayers come under fire from Miu, who shoots ping-pong balls at their faces.

48. Do you have any rare pairs?

answered right before ya here! i'm really down for tons of Rare Pairs, as they all take second place to the ones i froth at the mouth about (namely Irumatsu and Sakuraoi)

i did forget to mention one that my Manager randomly came up with and that i know is sinful but that i think is a fun idea: Mondo x Sonia