#my roommate is smoking /eating edibles and he knows i do not like Either One of those Things anywhere near me but ive Stated id still rather

[ladydeath-vanserra]

man I thought I had made it p clear that doing something you know I'm not gonna like and then not Saying something about it was lying by omission. I'm not gonna like it either way but I'd rather still know than get accidently blindsided by it and feel like it's something being Hidden from Me and done behind my back

[localwriterdocx]

Stoner or Sober: Scott Pilgrim Headcanons

From somebody who injects weed into my veins, who do I think partakes in this activity too?

NOTES: I have only seen the movie and Takes Off. I have only read up to before Todd's defeat in the comics and I know vague spoilers. Ken and Kyle are not here because they don't get a lot of development in either.

WARNINGS: Mentions of drug use, Mentions of drug abuse, Slight Spoilers for Scott Pilgrim Takes Off / Scott Pilgrim vs The World. Maybe a little OOC

Scott:

No, Sober. He rarely drinks, he doesn't even BEGIN to touch on weed. He briefly tried it before with either Wallace or Envy in college, but called it quits. He didn't like it much then, doesn't like it more now. When he first moved in with Wallace, he would sometimes accidentally eat edibles Wallace put out for himself, now he knows not to touch Wallace's food.

Ramona:

Occasionally. She used to be really into it when she was in highschool. She still occasionally uses it, but uses it less now because she was using it to hurt herself. I headcanon she used it a lot more when she was with Gideon. It made her not care about the abuse she was suffering from with him. She only does it with people she trusts now and needs more reassurance.

Kim:

YES, That is a stoner right there. That's one of the reasons he roommates hate her, she's in her room puffing off her bong. Tried it in her first year of college, and became really into it near the end. It's kind of hard to tell when she's been smoking because she really doesn't change much outwardly. She is the best person here to smoke with.

Stephen:

Occasionally. He doesn't smoke, but he has taken gummies before. He uses it to calm his anxiety down occasionally. Doesn't buy it himself, but if Julie or Neil offers one to him, he's not one to really say no. He's always hesitant when he's offered one, but everyone including himself knows he's going to take it. If he takes one, he is out of commission for the rest of the day.

Young Neil:

Yes. This entry is mainly targeted towards Comic Neil. Even though its not healthy, that's how he deals with his problems. He really just needs to set down the bong sometimes. He eventually would begin to have a healthier relationship with it. Sometimes he goes off with Kim and they go smoke together. I think that Kim would really help him get his shit together and begin to have a healthier relationship with it.

Wallace:

Occasionally. He's tried it, but he doesn't like to mix weed and alcohol, so he usually just sticks with alcohol. Like, he's not going to say no if he's offered it, hell sometimes he goes and searches it out. Has gotten Scott to do it on multiple occasions. He likes to smoke in a group, even if Scott is pulled into it, he can't be left alone.

Julie:

Yes. It's mainly when she's upset and needs something to calm her down. Luckily, she doesn't need it as much as Neil thinks he does. Probably smokes/does edibles once or twice a week. No preference in methods. She gets less bitchy and she likes to sit on the couch watching shitty rom-coms. She usually would want to be alone, but when Gordon came down to her place, she loves getting stoned with him, even if he's not doing any.

Matthew:

No. He just hasn't run into it at a time he wanted to try it. He's comfortable with hanging out with a lot of stoned people, that's not an issue for him, he actually likes it, he thinks its funny. He gets a little curious when it gets brought up, or when somebody mentions it, but wouldn't go out of his way to obtain it. He's just not really interested. If he were ever to get blazed, I think his demon hipster chicks would be blazed too.

Lucas:

Yes, he gets blazed back at his trailer (THIS IS CANON TO THE MOVIE BTW). He's not a absolute pothead, he just likes to partake in it regularly. After a pretty rough day of shooting scene after scene, he like to light up his bong and have a fun night with his friends. Doesn't like taking gummies, it's either smoking it or nothing. He just can't get over the taste.

Todd:

Yes. Envy always has to find him the Vegan strands so he can keep his powers. Envy also has to shut him up when he's talking about it because it's just normal for him. Sometimes uses it to calm his pre-show jitters. He doesn't smoke as much as Envy, but that's because he doesn't like rolling, and Envy kept the bong in the divorce.

Envy:

Yes. She loves it, but doesn't like to tell people about it and will only tell people she trusts. Unlike Todd, she doesn't like using it before a show, she's not willing to risk it. Besides from Todd, the only person that knows she's fond of it is Scott. If Wallace found out, that shit would be on the cover of every celebrity gossip magazine, she would also be charged because this is 2001.

Roxie:

Yes. Like Neil, when Ramona left her, she used it a lot to get over her problems. Now she realized that was unhealthy and stopped for a bit. With her and Ramona making up (In SPTO), she is now trying to have a healthier relationship with it because she did genuinely like it. I think her and Todd are stoner buddies, she used to just go over so she could flirt with Envy, but they became like a stoner trio.

Gideon:

No. Never tried it, and I don't think he ever will. Maybe, MAYBE Julie would get him to try it, but I honestly don't think he would like it. He might try it a few times when he's throwing his pity party, but after that, he's done. He still hangs out with Julie when she does it though. He wouldn't like the way it makes him feel.

Thank you for reading my stoner headcanoning, there will be more.

[potter-imagines]

Smoking 🍃 w/ Your Boyfriend Fred Weasley...

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader  Prompt: Thought this was an interesting idea since I think we can all agree the Weasley Twins were def dealers lol

 (I’m still on vacation I just had this one in my drafts so I finished it up)

Warning: mature, sexual, weed, smoking, swearing, probs more.  If mentions of drugs makes you uncomfortable or you just don’t like it, don’t read this please! as implied by the title, this is literally all about what smoking with Fred Weasley would include 

-      Okay lets face it

-       Everyone and their owls know Fred and George Weasley were the best, most trusted, ‘flower’ dealers in Hogwarts 🍃🍃

-       You knew this before you started dating Fred

-       It just came as a bonus after getting together

-       Fred and George are almost always a little high

-       They sell carts, wax, edibles and flower

-       Like they’ve got it all, and the best quality

-      Their edibles are only for the brave; half the time you get an out of this world high, and other times, your skin is bright pink for a week from their trick

-       Lee Jordan also helps them with sales, the three of them are by far the biggest stoners in your year- probably in the whole castle

-       Seeing as most Slytherins’ did lines in the bathroom and in their dorms, Fred and George hardly sold to Slytherins

-       Most of the money the twins make goes towards saving for their dream joke shop

-       But Fred loves to buy you gifts when he has the chance

-       Like flowers, a bracelet, butterbeer, candies, books, etc.

-       He adores spoiling you

-       Fred never makes you pay if you wanna pick up from him

-       But he usually prefers you smoke with him or him and George

-       “You’re just so adorable when you’re high, sweetheart, I don’t wanna miss a thing. Plus, I’m scared you’ll tweak like a minx if you’re alone.”

-       Munchies galore

-       You guys will smoke late at night in their dorm with Lee

-       George is the designated snack man and will sneak into the kitchen before your smoke session

-       Lee shoves towels under the door and closes the vents

-       You would probably be the one enchanting the room so the smell doesn’t get out, but Fred really couldn’t care if anyone smelled it

-       You’ll usually smoke out the window, then trudge over to Fred’s bed and plop onto of him

-       “Jeeze, I think someone took one too many hits.”

-       Fred, George, and Lee will mess around, laughing loudly as they pass a blunt amongst the group

-       If it’s your first few times smoking, you’d probably just sit in Fred’s lap on the ground, staring off at the floor

-       Fred loves to tease you when you’re high

-       “Earth to Y/n- come back to us please.”

-       “Lovie, you’re eyes, they’re bloodshot as hell!”

-       Lots of kisses

-       You guys don’t make out too much after smoking as it’s nearly impossible for the both of you

-       Dry mouth is a bitch

-       Fred is vvv handsy when high

-       Like he needs to be touching your skin somehow

-       Whether he places you on his lap with his arms around you

-       Or laying together in his bed

-       Or holding hands on your walk back to the castle after smoking in the forest

-       Likes to pinch your butt when you’re walking up the stairs

-       He doesn’t really like when you’re high in public

-       He can tell when you’re nervous and start getting fidgety, so he’ll ask you to go on a walk with him to calm you down

“Angel, let’s go to the lake, yeah? Think you could use some fresh air, love.”

-       Fred will help you if you’re using a bong

-       “Here, love, just breathe it in until I tell you to stop and I’ll lift the top.”

-       COUGHING IN A SIN IN THEIR DORM

-       Whoever coughs first is labeled as a ‘little bitch’ according to George

-       Fred scolds Lee and George when they try to make fun of you for coughing

-       Like will murder them with his eyes and slap ts out of George’s arm

-       “Leave her alone… you know she doesn’t smoke as much as us… it’s completely normal, darling.” “Merlin’s sake, Fred. We’re just teasing her, mate. I think you could use the hit next him, maybe it’ll calm your hormones.”

-       George and you will have heated life debates

-       “No, George! Dinosaurs were here before people!” “That is not true, Y/n. Humans ruled the earth before those vicious stompers came roaming about. The dinosaurs- or should I say dinomurders- they killed all of humanity! They stomped on them, trapped the kids in those jeeps trying to eat them and ruined the kid’s fun and made destroyed the theme park-“ “George… that’s Jurassic Parks. It’s a fucking movie, you git.”

-       Fred likes to wrap his Gryffindor tie around your head and putting his sweaters over you “Aw, you look so cute, darling. I love seeing you in my clothes but my favorite thing is seeing you with nothing on at all.” “Fred! You can’t say that in front of George and Lee-“ “Oh believe me, Y/n. We sleep only feet away from you two- we’ve heard a lot worse. A lot worse.”

-       You guys will just lay around laughing for most of the night

-       You favorite times were when Fred and George would start talking about their childhood and sharing hilarious stories

-       George likes to mess with Fred when he’s high

-       For example

-       He’ll throw his arm around you and lazily lean into your side

-       Fred would watch closely from only a few feet away

-       George would then whisper into your ear, causing giggles to erupt from your chest

-       Which makes Fred jerk in annoyance

-       The weed didn’t help control his jealous- it magnified it if anything

-       Typically, he wouldn’t care since he knew George and you were extremely close friends

-       But Fred always got a little more… horny and possessive when the weed hit his bloodstream

-       Fred would pout until you noticed him and would comfort him

-       “Freddie, what’s wrong, bubba? You look so sad, aww.”

-       His jealously would diminish the second you moved away from George to his side

-       He loves when you hold his hand

-       Your favorite thing to do when high is play with his red, vibrant hair or when he would stroke and pet yours

-       Fred likes to attempt a braid in your hair

-       But he just ends up twisting two strands of hair in a coil then wrapped your black hair tie at the end

-       The gleeful, proud look on his face afterwards melted your heart so much you couldn’t tell him he failed miserably at a braid

-       You guys will place bets on who will slump first

-       It’s usually you or George

-       Fred and Lee will stay up until morning talking about life, school, quidditch, life goals, and anything else

-       Nights that you did get high with Fred in his dorm, he’d always insist that you sleep in his bed

-       He didn’t like taking the risk of you walking alone to your dorm room and risk getting caught

-       The last thing he wanted was you in trouble when he could’ve prevented it

-       You guys like to sneak into the kitchen after hours and make edibles together

-      Preferably marshmallow bar edibles or cookies

-       You liked to bring things with you for your smoke sessions with the twins

-       Like coloring books

-       A blanket, since Fred only sleeps with two which just seems criminal

-       A water bottle !!! this is a must

-       And some vanilla cherry Chapstick, Fred’s favorite

-       Fred’s favorite spot to smoke in along the Black Lake at night

-       Coming here with Fred will usually end with the both of you swimming in the lake

-       Whether it’s because he pushed you, you pushed him, or it was decided in the moment mutually that midnight was the perfect time for a swim

-      You liked smoking out by the lake as it was relaxing and fun with Fred

-       But you much preferred his dorm- it was the safest option by far

-       Fred loves getting high alone with you

-       Typically in his room as your roommates didn’t want people constantly in and out of the room as where Fred, George, and Lee were used to it

-       They made a handful of sales from their dorm room

-       Like a sinful amount 

-       It was by far the easiest way

-       Fred would light some candles before you arrived

-       A variety of sweets and snacks were sprawled against his bed

-        And warm fuzzy socks laid out for you 

-       He’d pack the bowl, then open the window

-       A blanket was thrown across the ledge so you could sit more comfortably

-       “What a gentleman!”

-       After smoking, Fred would carry you back to his bed

-       Most nights, you guys would just cuddle and whisper to each other

-       Fred never misses an opportunity to kiss you

-       On your lips

-       Forehead

-       Cheek

-       Nose

-       Neck (which will usually lead to something else with this boy)

-       Anywhere

-       Continuously giggling all night

-       Fred and you share your high thoughts

-       “But, just hear me out here. Is there another word for synonym?”

-       “Babe, who do you think came up with the alphabet? And how the fuck did they put the alphabet shit in alphabetical order.” “Darling, I am way too baked to even remember what fucking goes in an alphabet.”

-       High sex

-       Fred makes you feel so comfortable

-      Compliments you profusely 

-       Lot of laughing

-       He lovesssss going down on you when you’re both baked

-       Cause you make the cutest little noises, euphoria taking over your sense

-       He can stay down there for hours just basking in your sweet moans

-       Favorite is missionary so he can see every reaction gracing your face

-       Is only brave enough to try new sex adventures when he’s either high or drunk

-       Discovers that you both very much so enjoy his hand wrapped around your neck as he thrusts into you

-       And when you get on top

-       His touchy side comes out the most in these moments

-       Sloppy sex

-       But still vvvv fulfilling and pleasurable

-       He’ll whisper in your ear as his pace quickens

-       “You look so beautiful, sweetheart. So pure but so dirty just for me.”  

-       “Merlin, you’re bloody breathtaking with my fingers in your mouth, angel.”

-       “Freddie, you feel so good.”

-       You both finish within a matter of minutes, never lasting long when in this state

-       “…That was the best sex I’ve ever had, ever.” “Fred, lovie, you say that every time we have sex.”

“Cause it just keeps getting better and better!”

-       Cuddling for the rest of the night

-       Always making sure you’re dressed before George or Lee turn in for the night

-       Fred would fall asleep first when it was just the two of you

-       He talks in his sleep, nearly every hour he’d mutter something

-       In an odd way, you found it comforting

-       Especially when it’s your name he’s mumbling

-       Falling asleep in Fred’s arms

[petitprincess1]

My Roommate's A Demonic Deer Ch5 (A Month Later)

AO3 Link

Summary: Alastor tried to get Anthony to tell him about his bruises and after being yelled at...he tells him a little story.

Words: 2,353

WARNING: Abuse, bruises, gun violence, blood, death, suicide mention, and trauma. Oooh boy.

~~~

It was very late, past midnight and Alastor was just staring down at Anthony, who was also staring back at him. This intense staring contest was the result of Tony coming back home after a quickie, which he, unfortunately, explained in great detail to Alastor. The demon threw up in his own mouth...twice. However, Al also noticed the bruises on the human’s skin. This wasn’t the first time he noticed them, ever since the first time they met he saw healing wounds along his torso. 

Now, Alastor may be asexual, but he was no stranger to sex. ...He just didn’t have it very often, mostly used as an easier way to gain access to one’s throat, and rarely enjoyed the process, since he hardly cared for the person. So, he knew that bruises happen during intercouse. It also depended on the type of relationship, but it was normal.

However, for a man that was so open about how sexual he was, Anthony often hid his body quite often with many sweaters. He did wear shorts and crop tops at times, but it was only when the wounds were almost healed. Either way, Al still attempted to ask about them.Anthony avoided the question by trying to change the subject or try to make Al feel sick again by going into detail about his job. The demon just gave up after a while and they continued on with their evening in silence with glares at each other.

That brought them to the night where Alastor got annoyed by the silence, filling the house with white noise that plagued his mind. He snapped at Anthony and tried to get the human to show his bruises to him. It resulted in the two yelling at one another, throwing cushions, and occasionally getting neighbors to tell them to shut up.

So, now, they’ve been staring at one another from opposite sides of the bedroom, waiting for someone to make the first move. ...They were both kinda stupidly dominant like that. 

Alastor narrowed his eyes at Anthony and informed him, “You’re going to have to sleep at some point, you know? You mortals can’t last too long without some kind of rest, even just a nap.”

The human rubbed at his eyes, feeling his head nod a bit as sleep tried to take over him. However, he refused to rest as he snapped, “Why? So, ya can look at my body like some weird ass creep? How do I know that ya ain’t fakin’ concern ta just lower my guard?”

Alastor scoffed and told him, “Believe me, if I wanted and could kill you, then I would. I have no hesitation when it comes to my skill.”

“So, then why the hell do ya care!? It ain’t none of yer business as ta-”

Al interrupted as he snarled out, “It’s from Valentino, isn’t it?”

He watched Anthony tense up and stare at him in shock, staring at him for a few seconds. The startled expression quickly changed into anger as he asked in a low tone, no longer looking tired, “Wanna repeat that again?”

The demon leaned against the wall and rolled his eyes, saying in annoyance, “Don’t you dare pretend that you’re subtle. I’ve seen the way you tense up, your pupils shrink, and the way that you start to lightly tremble. Not only that, but any bit of excitement you have drains from you the moment he calls for you.”

“Yer makin’ shit up!”

“No, I’m not and you know that I’m not! I’ve drunk your blood. I know how you feel with him! It’s nothing but fear and worry and regret and- ...Point is that I know-”

Anthony then stood up suddenly and shouted, “Ya don’t fuckin’ know me! Yeah, sure, so fuckin’ what that I come home with bruises? So what that I might get a little worried about Val? That don’t mean shit! That ain’t evidence! Val is my fuckin’ pimp, for fuck’s sake! We ain’t in some lovey-dovey romance, not that that’s yer business! We have rough sex and I do what I’m told! There? Ya happy!?”

“No! You’re lying! You’re so obviously-”

“Well, what about you?” Anthony questioned, glaring harshly at Alastor. The demon looked taken aback, even attempting to step back despite being against the wall. He parroted, looking away from the human, “...What about me?”

The boy huffed and clarified, “Yeah! Ya know everythin’ ‘bout me from my damn blood, and yet I know nothin’ ‘bout ya! Ya haven’t told me anythin’ not even how ya got ta Hell, even though it’s pretty obvious! The only thing I know about is when ya died. I just- if yer gonna be askin’ about my personal life, then I get ta know yours!”

Alastor’s eyes widened and the corner of his smile twitched, not really knowing what to say next. He looked back up at Anthony and saw tears threatening to fall out the corner of his eyes, while he breathed heavily and hugged himself. It made Alastor...hurt. He heard the mortal sniffle as he mumbled, “Why would ya give me death threats one day and pretend ya care the next…?”

Al balled his hands into fists tightly as he watched Anthony march towards the door. He took a deep breath as the human grabbed the doorknob and then randomly blurted, “My mom let me make cookies with her!”

Anthony suddenly stopped and turned towards Al with a confused expression. The demon slid down the wall as he sat with his legs up to his chest. He just went on without much explanation, “Y-Yes...my mom let me help. Of course, she handled the ingredients part, but she...heh...let me “taste test” the dough to make sure it was edible.”

He gave a quiet chuckle and looked up at Anthony with a smaller smile. The human seemed hesitant at first, but he slowly walked towards Al with caution. The demon continued, “I always burnt the first batch and I got so sad, but my mom always ate that charcoal that was once a cookie to make me smile. I’m sure she was giving herself cancer with all that carcinogen, but hey. She didn’t care.”

Al laughed again, while Anthony had a small smile on his face. The mortal put his back against the bed as he sat in front of Al, sitting criss-crossed so that the long-legged demon had more room. Alastor sighed, “My dad would always come home late, but we never knew fully where he worked. We never minded though. My dad always brought home the heavy sugar, so we were happy!”

Anthony tilted his head, “Heavy sugah?”

“A lot of money,” Al explained with a bigger smile and then it dropped a bit. He continued, “My mom would also play the piano, mostly “Shine On, Harvest Moon”, and teach me at the same time, while my dad smoked his pipe on the couch. It was a typical, happy family. At least...I thought we were happy.”

“I think I started realizing the behavior when I was...9 or 10. My mom would always be so happy, but she also looked tired. Anytime my dad would come my mother would pull me off to the side and stress about how important it was that I remained happy. It didn’t matter what was going on or how exasperated he looked...just keep smiling.”

Alastor rubbed his forehead and Anthony was about to tell him that he could stop, but the demon just raised his hand. He wanted to keep going. After a few beats of silence, Anthony questioned, “What did ya do?”

Al shrugged, “I did what I was told. If she told me to continue smiling, then I would. If she told me to just keep playing the piano and not turn around, then I did. If she told me that it was all the sudden improper for a boy to do a woman’s job and be in the kitchen, then...I listened. ….Except for two times….when I didn’t.”

Anthony tensed up and felt really bad that he was morbidly curious as to what would happen next. Although...he had an awful feeling that he could guess what. Alastor gave a tiny whimper, looking at a random spot on the floor, “I can’t exactly remember these certain events that happened next. All I know is that...it was night, probably midnight. It was raining and I woke up after having a bad dream. I swore that I went downstairs to get some water, at least...I think what I’ve been telling myself.”

“I went downstairs and saw my father...hurting my mom. I don’t remember what all he was doing, but I heard my mom shrieking for him to stop. ...Just stop. I felt the cold tile on my feet as I quietly walked in, grabbed something that I needed both hands to hold, and then I was suddenly sitting on my dad’s stomach...stabbing his chest. My mom...now screaming at me to stop. My dad was choking on his blood and his eyes showed nothing but pain, but I didn’t stop...until he did. I blinked at the blood pooling onto the floor and my dad looking up at the ceiling with his eyes rolled back. I swear I even felt his body growing cold through his shirt. ...I do remember turning to my mom and saying, “Ma...I didn’t listen. I went into the kitchen. I’m sorry”.”

Alastor snapped his fingers and made an unlit cigarette appear in his hand. Anthony, despite how cold he felt at the story, got to his feet to open the window, letting in the sounds of the night. Al lit the cigarette, breathed in, and breathed out a plume of smoke towards the window. This was the smallest smile Anthony had seen Al had, and yet the demon continued with his story...and he listened.

“Like I said, I don’t remember much of the next few days. My mom did wake up screaming so much at night, fearing that my father was still alive and that he would come for us. ...I was just a child. I just slept with her whenever that happened. What else could I do? My mom also became very unresponsive. Hardly talking to me and often just...staring, mostly at the fire. I refused to leave her side at that point.”

“She also didn’t eat much, especially the food that I made, even though it was mostly sandwiches. The woman that would eat burnt to hell cookies couldn’t eat a simple ham sandwich. So, she grew frail as well,” Al took another drag of his cigarette before continuing, shaking a bit, “The last day I remember, my mom seemed to be…“getting better”. She did the laundry, helped me with my homeschool work, and we even played the piano together. All seemed fine, then my mom asked me to get a case from her and dad’s bedroom.”

“I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t even know what was in there, just knew that my dad brought it out with him sometimes. Either way...I did what I was told. ...When I came downstairs, she told me where the key was and I opened it up, feeling excited and wondering what it could be. It was a revolver.”

Anthony quickly spoke up, “Al, ya proved-”

“No...I haven’t,” Alastor interrupted Anthony, staring at the boy with serious eyes. He said after taking a drag, “My mom told me to...make sure that it had bullets inside, even telling me how to do it. There were. She told me to make sure nothing was wrong with it, no jams or anything. I did. Then, she instructed me to hold the gun steady and aim it at the side of her head. My mom even said that after I was done to place the gun in her hand and then go sit, maybe do my homework or make some cookies...don’t look at her face. I don’t remember when, but I started sobbing. I was so, so confused and scared. I was really hoping that she was joking. She was still smiling so calmly...as if she was trying to ease my fear- my chest hurt so much from how hahd I was breathin’.”

Alastor shook his head, listening to his radio flicker a bit, and then gave a bitter chuckle, “She played the piano...our song...she was singing.”

The demon messed with his monocle, his voice changing as it flickered through stations, and then he sung, “The night was mighty dark so you could hardly see, for the moon refused to shine~ Couple sitting underneath a willow tree, for love they did pine~ Little maid was kinda 'fraid of darkness, so she said, "I guess I'll go." Boy began to sigh, looked up at the sky and told the moon his little tale of woe~”

Alastor held out his hands in front of him as if he was holding a gun and slowly raised the “gun” with shuddering breath, “Oh, shine on, shine on, harvest moon up in the sky; I ain't had no lovin', since April, January, June or July,” he cocked the “gun”, “Snow time, ain't no time to stay outdoors and spoon; so shine on, shine on, harvest moon~ ….For me….and my-” he then pulled the “trigger”. 

Al gave a small hiccup as he placed his hands down after fixing his monocle and going back to his speaking voice. He muttered, “...I think I messed up the last note with that interruption and...the last thing I remember that day is that I told my neighbor when they came to inspect what happened and they let me stay at their house, “...I broke the rule. I saw her face…”.”

He looked at Anthony, who stared at him with wide eyes that were just swarming with emotion. He finished, snuffing out his cigarette, “Take it from me,

Anthony...don’t always just do...what you’re told.”

[derangedroyalfae]

Sunday, April 18, 2021 - 10:00pm

{mostly taken from a conversation with my best friend, Jem - there were some bits that I thought were worded well}

Royal (2:26 PM): Sometimes I think about taking antidepressants again if only to numb the pain. And then I remember how it made me too numb and to everything, so then I think about drinking or doing edibles, but then it still sounds awful and could possibly amplify those feelings (as alcohol usually does make me feel more upset). And that’s sometimes why self-harm becomes a substitute, because it ether distracts from those feelings or even makes you feel like your receiving punishment for whatever you’re upset about. But I know self-harm turns into a loop of guilt and shame and worrying about worrying others.

Jem (2:27 PM): I haven't heard the same about edibles that I hear about alcohol

Or marijuana in general I suppose

Royal (2:28 PM): Weed scares me. Like I’m worried I’ll have a reaction because whenever people smoke or cook it around me, I get super sick feeling. I also know Kitty had a bad reaction to edibles, like gave her ultra anxiety and hallucinations or something like that.

Jem (2:29 PM): Ah, gotcha I myself am allergic so I can't say I've tried it myself either

Royal (2:29 PM): I think I might be allergic and I don’t wanna find out the hard way

When people smoke/cook it around me, I get nauseous and a headache

Jem (2:32 PM): Yeah, I used to have two roommates that both smoked weed in our tiny apartment I used to have near constant headache until I moved out the next year

Royal (2:33 PM): I wish I could just remove those negative feelings I have: anger, sadness, jealousy, dysphoria, etc Put them somewhere far away so I wouldn’t have to deal with them, and wouldn’t have to hurt others because of them

(I tend to use dysphoria for myself as an in general term, not just with gender dysphoria, btw)

Jem (2:34 PM): Aah, yeah, I get you

Royal (2:38 PM): But even though I’m scared I’ll have a bad reaction, I’m mighty tempted to ask Hummingbird if I can try one of her edible gummies rn...

Jem (2:41 PM): I wonder if there's a way to try it in a safe/monitored way

Royal (2:41 PM): Well, if I do just one gummy

With their supervision

So if I have a bad reaction, they can watch over me or drive me to the urgent care

I love how it’s called urgent care but usually has like an hour or longer wait

Jem (2:43 PM): Ah yeah, that'd be the best way to do it Keep the phone handy too

Royal (2:45 PM): Hey, at the very least, doesn’t look like it has any interactions with my cholesterol medication

Jem (2:46 PM): That's good to know

Royal (2:50 PM): I don’t think I’ll actually follow through with it or anything, just my mind thinking of solutions

I’m feeling calmer now anyway

For now

{And then proceeded to draw this (it’s an idea I’ve had this idea for a long time now, especially since the first time I experienced extreme jealousy with Capy, but never had the courage to follow through since I’ve never done inking and rarely traditional colour, but I finally worked up the motivation to try, and honestly, it’s perfect timing as it was therapeutic to draw)}:

Royal (8:09 PM): Random question, I’m curious your thoughts on this: do you think it’s insensitive to joke about getting with other people when you’re in a relationship, especially/at least in front of your partner (at least if the two of you haven’t established a non-monogamous relationship), and even more so if you know your partner is dealing with jealousy issues?

Jem (8:12 PM): I’d think so, yeah

It's definitely odd

Unless it's like, I donno, a celebrity or something

But even then, it'd make me wonder why someone would say that if they knew already their partner was having issues

Royal (8:12 PM): Like someone they know/knew or met in the past, but 100% out of the picture now

So it’s def not a celeb

Jem (8:14 PM): Yeah then even without the jealousy issues, unless that's some sort of pre-established shared humor, it's kinda weird

Royal (8:15 PM): K, I was curious what you’d think

I agree with that too, it just feels really insensitive, at least if you’re monogamous

{Whilst I never told Jem what it was about, it has to do with something similar that had happened earlier today - though I am not technically in a monogamous relationship, so the above can’t fully apply to me. But to explain this better, I’ll have to jump back to something that happened in December 2020.

Capybara had told me about how there was this really attractive lecturer he met in the past whom if I remember correctly, spoke Greek, so his friend got him a Greek dictionary to help him try to impress her, but he never really ran into her again. I had made a comment that you know, guess it worked out for the better because then we would have never become a thing should he have actually succeeded in getting with her. And he made a joke that wasn’t the case or a joke that brushed off what I said as almost nothing. I knew he was joking, but it was kinda a really emotional time for everyone and I’m still even to this day working through my newfound romantic/sexual jealousy issues, so I took it kinda harsh at first and then eventually told him that same night how that kinda made me feel shitty.

Well, today, we were gaming with one of his friends (super great, hardworking, and nice lad) that we often play Sea of Thieves with and it turns out that was the same friend who got him the Greek dictionary, so it somehow got brought up in conversation…and just…they were joking that Capybara was Odysseus and this other woman was Odysseus’s wife and they’d find each other again one day. I can’t remember which character they assigned the friend but they were saying I could be one of the gods, and I’ll be honest, didn’t handle that situation the best, so I made a off hand comment of something like, “Guess I can be Athena or Aphrodite since they’re the jealous types, guess that works pretty well.” Don’t know if they picked up the hint. I don’t know if they were at all thinking about how this was something awkward for me, cuz I’m pretty sure the friend is aware that I’m dating Capy and is supposed to assume we’re monogamous as Capybara doesn’t really feel comfortable letting his friends or family know I have other partners. It just also happened to be a sore topic for me, cuz when Capy made that joke, even though I knew it was nothing more than a joke, it made me feel like nothing and replaceable, which I already see myself as.

Just to kinda let Capybara know that I’d prefer the topic to be dropped, I messaged him privately: “So I just remembered, it was you talking about that Greek dictionary thing to impress that girl and making a joke that like, meeting me wasn’t for the better cuz she’s still out there that kinda made me feel like shit even though it was a joke”

To which he responded with: “she's a lecturer my dude 😂 she's like in her 40's - don't worry”

And I replied with: “No I know, but it was more of the joke that followed that rubbed me wrong. At the time”

And he just sent these two emoji’s in response: 😧 😕

Immediately after our messages, as we had still been playing, he went dead silent and so I noticed this (not sure if the friend did at first) and I at first just tried to silently apologize in DM, cuz I hadn’t meant to upset him, but he still remained silent. So shortly after, I asked if we should call it quits even though it was early. I felt so guilty and I immediately sent him more apology messages and even an apology voice memo, but I assumed he turned his phone off by that point.

Once again, my jealousy got the best of me and I hurt the person I love most in the world and made a fun time involving friends go awkward. I was having a good early afternoon/late morning with him at first, and then I ruined it because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and my jealousy under control. I’m such an asshole.}

Royal (8:22 PM): Off topic, but still on the issue of jealousy, I feel like when I have jealousy issues myself at the point I’m at, it’s like a double headed snake due to me being in a polyamorous relationship - one head are just the pre-established toxic/venomous things that come with jealousy and the other head is the guilt and shame of feeling I have no right to be jealous when I have two other partners myself thus making me feel hypocritical (and being ignorant of any potential jealousy from other partners)

It feels like those two snake heads could eat me alive with just a few bites each if I let them in

It’s such a viscous cycle and honestly, the basic head of jealousy is enough of a problem that turns my stomach, but the second head just makes me want to surrender to the earth

Jem (8:28 PM): I get you It's a lot

Emotions are hard

Royal (8:28 PM): Especially when they revolve around something or someone you already have such an emotional attachment with

And then those feelings, like feelings of jealousy, only end up making you hurt the ones you love

Making them feel guilty or annoyed or like you don’t trust them or something

Jem (8:31 PM): Tbh, as someone who generally struggles with a lot of jealousy type issues, I get that (not necessarily romantic jealousy even, but just there's undercurrents of it that are always there and present in every relationship)

I don't think it's something that can ever be fully dealt with and just I guess has to be accepted and worked around At least for me

Royal (8:33 PM): And it makes you wonder if you truly care for those if you’re so easily jealous of them, since they tell you that shouldn’t feel that way if you really love someone, that you should be able to love them blindly and trust them, and it’s not like I don’t trust, but I feel so easily discardable by those who I could never even fathom of turning my back on

Royal (8:34 PM): Honestly, I’ve even felt some jealousy toward you in the past - not romantically - but it was something I worked on

Jem (8:34 PM): What if I were to say same though haha

Royal (8:34 PM): You seemed to be doing so well with you VN and you picked up art so fast

Jem (8:35): Aah for me it's always revolving around

My need for attention tbh

Royal (8:35 PM): But I told myself, “you just need to keep trying. Feeling negatively toward someone success is selfish and gets you nowhere. Improve yourself and you can also feel that success. He’s not succeeding to hurt you in anyway - you should be happy for him.”

Or like, probably not those exact words, but ya know, that idea

Royal (8:36 PM): Yeah, I understand that too, especially growing up in a family of 6

That kinda happened the other day with Kitty (whom at this point my feelings are pretty platonic) - for over a week now I’ve been telling the girls about a game (For the King) I’ve been interested in playing with them, and the other day, Hummingbird went on a social distancing date with Crystal, so I asked Kitty if she’d like to play with me since it’d be just the two of us and she agreed. However, she had a headache, so we thought it’d be best if she napped first and if she felt better later on then we could play. When she woke up, Lapis hit her up for some gaming and Kitty decided to game with her instead and forgot she agreed to game with me...

Jem (8:41 PM): Ah, that kinda thing really sticks with me

Royal (8:41 PM): And so I’m just getting to a point where I feel like I should just stop asking them if they wanna game with me, because it’s not the first time something like this has happened (at least they don’t follow through, not a matter of them deciding to do something with someone else)

Like, I made the Murder Beans server so Capybara and Kitty (and Hummingbird if she ever decided to get Among Us) could game with my friends in the CSR Creations server, and that was back in fall...the girls never joined a game even when showing express interest and saying they would

Kitty also once went and bought Lapis like the whole Halo Master Chief Collection for Lapis cuz she was broke and wanted it, and the proceeded to play it with her and Hummingbird...and like...I also would have liked to have played Halo with them if given the opportunity, but I was never asked

Sheezus, don’t even get me started in my family and how invisible they made me feel

But yeah, I’m at a point with the girls that I don’t think it’s even worth bothering to ask anymore, at least about gaming

Hummingbird’s confusion and migraines are also coming back, so she has a legit medical excuse and I can’t really bother her about it

Jem (8:48 PM): I get you, yeah

All of those things would really bother me too They have in the past

I remember when I first joined UCSD, I started hanging out often with the girls that lived around me in the dorms And we all started watching Orphan Black together

And then I literally had no idea when they finished the show because after the first couple sessions they forgot to invite me

Royal (8:51 PM): Oof, yeah, that’d bother me too, or at least tell me how they felt about me in my mind

I don’t think with my jealousy, it’s a matter of not trusting my partner or friends or whomever, it’s just a matter of feeling such low self-worth that I feel easy to discard, and when I get brushed to the side or have someone joking along the lines as how dating me wasn’t for the better when someone else is out there, it furthers those feelings I have about myself, those feelings of self-worth and how I’m replaceable or not worth shit

Jem (8:54 PM): I get you I know mine stems from feeling forgettable

Royal (8:54 PM): I know I’m an annoying person, I know I can be a lot and emotionally draining, I know I can be hypersensitive - so I know it feels like it’d be better to be rid of that sort of force if you can find someone better who doesn’t make you feel the way I’d do

(In response to feeling forgettable) Yeah

If you remove the fun hair, piercings, and tattoo, I’m actually quite a boring person

And I’m quite isolated. If you don’t include my partners, there’s only really two people who come to mind that I’d consider close friends that I can talk to: you and someone else (you’ve never met her)

I’m getting to a point where I have a hard time talking to the girls due to the guilt I feel about me more or less wanting to be platonic with them, and then Hummingbird is constantly having a medical crisis and I’d feel bad burdening her further

So really, I’m isolated down to two people, primarily you, + Capybara, and yeah, that’s my own fault

I feel easily exhausted by my other options at this point, where I feel like I can only take Candy in small doses (which feels really hypocritical of me) and my other VA friends or gaming friends, I don’t know if I’m close enough to have those kinds of conversations with, especially the VA friends since I tend to be their boss

For the most part, the other people I’d sometimes talk about these issues with are on servers that are primarily dead, so it feels awkward to hop back in only to bitch about my life

Besides, I hate seeming like I’m only spewing forth toxicity and negative emotions over and over again

Which I worry I do too much with you as is

[bo0zey]

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person??? 

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing 

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny 

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm 

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!! 

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?

[wontonsupremacy]

Living with your mom is like:

Living with your mom is like living with a roommate that has every right to boss you around and maintain rules around you for most people.

Living with my mom though is like living with a roommate that doesn’t respect boundaries because she used to do all the groceries and what’s the matter if she uses all your baby carrots that you buy, or the American cheese she’s never bought before because she doesn’t care for cheese or washing your clothes the day of your job when you need your clothes, but she doesn’t understand that this is why I want to wash my own clothes now. Sharing a car? That’s even worse. Every time your work schedule won’t work with hers, she’s the one that “gets left behind” and she’s the one who doesn’t give you any information but expects you to be able to show up and provide.

We’re a single parent household, and it’s always been me as the oldest to do everything with her. My younger brother doesn’t cooperate with family things, but he stays out of trouble and has his own shit together. My mom though just won’t take any initiative to do things on her own. While I have a limited ability to be responsible because I’m manic adhd and bipolar and depressed a lot of things can go wrong with this kind of schedule. It’s often than nothing goes right, and literally I have to hear an earful when really she did help me pay for the car but the maintenance, insurance, gas, and everything else at home is literally paid by me as of now.

She keeps saying she “never asked” for me to pay for everything or for anything, and maybe she’s right. But she’s the kind of person who would never turn on the heater in winter because its expensive, no wifi or phone bills because “you don’t need any of those things”, and she will also skip out on important car maintenance because “it’s not really necessary and the car will run”.

She is the person who will repeatedly tell you that you’re a good kid but that you’re never good enough that you’re fat and she doesn’t understand why you’re so fat— meanwhile if you don’t eat what she cooks she’ll get upset and blame you for “eating out” (even if I haven’t?) and shell overcook and overcook that things start piling up in the fridge and start to go bad but she’ll never throw it out because “it’s still edible”. Anytime you DO try to make dietary changes she doesn’t care or listen and will eat your vegetables or smoothie mixes so there’s nothing left for me to replace unhealthy snacks.

She complains when I socialize saying I don’t do anything but play around and honestly I’m sorry but I really need it right now. You make me never want to be home and even when I’m home I’m depressed I cut myself to sleep I drink alchohol to sleep and I smoke cigarettes outside so I can get out of the house. The only socialization I get with you in my house is arguments or financial questioning and so many goddamn questions about who’s driving the car at what time and it’s like living with a coworker you hate and only talking about work. I don’t want to hear her talk anymore sometimes and I don’t want to have to fight a war at home. I think it means a lot for me to be able to connect and call up people outside who are great friends and great times that I can spend away from the stress but sometimes I wonder if there’s really no way to fix and balance out my mother from my stressful life...in which case I’d have to actually move out, and probably move out of town , the city, and cut off all my current friends —-which will definetly hurt me.

As someone who wants to die at age 26, my countdown is down to (apparently) 3 years with my age being 23. (I thought I was still 22 fml). Either way, 3 years may seem short now, but with the dread I carry sometimes it feels like it might be ages. And maybe the first step is to get away from my mother and to let her be alone. I really wonder though, if she’ll be okay alone. And this is one of the reasons I try to tolerate so much but don’t leave her, because after my dad left, who really is there for her at all? Who knows. Maybe she needs to learn being alone sometimes instead of blowing up my phone.

Life sucks guys. But there’s a lot more to it than it just sucking. Is love a form of tolerance? Or a binding by the labels of family and blood line? Or is it just that as humans we emotionally bond with anyone who knows us well enough and we can’t just leave behind the time we’ve spent with them?

Sometimes I feel like I’m becoming abusive like my dad, toward my mom, and sometimes I worry how quickly I have to kill myself before I truly become a hideous human being. But I also realize I can’t and mustn’t be abusive to my mom and respective but it’s so goddamn hard when you shut in so much already and you’ve tried to casually put the complaints out there only to be dismissed and unrecognized.

Even small things like her pursuading me to “detransition”, “dye my hair black again”, or “stop looking so ugly”, builds up to the point that I want to go get hormones ASAP even though I can’t afford it at all.

Am I selfish? Horrible? Or abusive? I’m problematic and I have my own problems to fix, can I, should I, even take the time to fix this with her, or should I actually just see this whole thing as a problem I don’t need and take the risk of moving out of state and living by myself with nofucks to what may happen to the rest of my family?

I hate this. This whole thing. I hate life. I hate me.

[greekowl87]

Fic: Brownies

For the @txf-prompt-box P.S. Tagging @today-in-fic too.

Challenge: This sentence must be in your fic:  “What are you holding behind your back?”

bonus: It’s not Mulder or Scully saying it.

double bonus: The thing behind the back is… trouble!

This fic has no restriction concerning the pairing. It doesn’t have to be an AU either.

Scully was smaller than she originally appeared. Beneath the suits and the FBI badge, he had no idea how the cancer had eaten away at her. But that still did not dampen her spirits or fire. Or her temper. When Mulder had shown up earlier that evening, she immediately protested. She protested further when he held what he brought with him.

"Where the hell did you get that, Mulder," she groaned, wrapping her arms around herself. She was cold and tonight was one the few nights that she felt that she still could get some sleep. She was tired. "And why do you have a box of brownie mix?"

"Well hello to you too, Scully." He was grinning like a fool.

"Mulder."

"I know a guy who knows a guy in the DEA and well..." He shrugged innocently. "I was owed a big favor I just collected for it. Scully, this is the good stuff. Only the best for you."

"We're federal agents, Mulder. We can't go around smoking...that." She waved at the small plastic bag with the green leaves held discretely in his hands. "Seriously."

"Who said anything about smoking anything?" he said. "I quit years ago and I am not letting you touch that. That's what the brownie mix is for."

"Have you ever made those..." She could not bring herself to say it. "Brownies with the devil's lettuce?"

"Devil's lettuce? Really, Scully? Can I come in, Scully?" Mulder was still smiling. "I promise you don't even have to lift a finger and I'll even clean up after myself."

"Only so I can yell at you," she relented, stepping aside. He strolled in right past her and made a beeline for the kitchen as she closed her eyes, let out a weary sigh, and shut the door behind her. "I can't convince you otherwise, can I?"

"Nope, Scully. I'm making you pot brownies."

Scully heaved a sigh and watched him already taking out mixing bowls and eggs. Maybe she could blame the cancer on this; she was just too tired to argue with him. Or maybe it was his smile or just the small gesture. "Well, I'll be watching TV. Don't burn down my apartment."

"Oh, I won't," he called. He had found her 'Kiss the Chef' apron and was already wearing it. "I'm a pro at this."

. . . .

Pro indeed. Scully kept letting her gaze wander from the TV to watch Mulder wearing her 'Kiss the Chef' apron that was incredibly short on him. He had just spooning the batch into a baking pan and slid it into the oven. "We can put icing on it as well if you want," he said, double checking the timer, and then taking off the apron. He set it on her kitchen table and gave a weak smile. "I've actually been doing a little research. Edibles are supposed to be better for pain management and stay in your system longer and the come down isn't as bad."

"Where, pray tell did you learn that?"

He shrugged and gave a guilty smile. "Sophmore year at Oxford. Bad car accident. My roommate got me hooked and it did the world better. Besides, Scully, you've always known I've been a rebel at heart."

"What happens if they test us?"

"You have an excuse if they did. And that is a big if. And they know me; I'm Spooky Mulder, remember?" he teased lightly. "Don't worry about it. It's Saturday afternoon. We have off tomorrow and I conveniently have a dentist appointment that I need you to drive me to Monday morning so we aren't due in until noon?"

"Does this theoretical dentist appointment involve a root canal?"

"Of course. I never brushed my teeth as a kid."

She chuckled and shook her head. "Despite being a pain in the ass, Mulder, I'm really glad you're here this afternoon. About to get high. What on Earth gave you the idea even?"

His weak smile faded. "I'm tired of seeing you in pain, even though you hide it. I wanted to do something to help. All I could think is to bake you pot brownies and get high with you on a Saturday night. That way you won't feel as guilty, because you are St. Scully after all."

She gave a warm smile and held out her hand. Mulder came quietly up next to her on the couch and took her outstretched hand. She squeezed it warmly. "Thank you, Mulder."

He gave a quick smile again and nodded towards her movies. "We got 30 minutes, tops, before they're done. What do you say we pick a movie and watch it together while we eat?"

"Nothing by Cheech and Chong."

"You actually own that?"

"No." She bit her lip and nodded. "Robin Hood: Men in Tights. I love Mel Brooks."

Mulder bowed his head and nodded. "My wish is the queen's command."

"Shut up, Mulder. Oh, and well you're over there, grab the blanket from my bedroom. The blue one. I might as well be comfortable. Oh, and unplug the phone. I'm not letting myself or you," she added as an afterthought, "do anything stupid."

"I got pot from the DEA, Scully. Not exactly the smartest thing I have done."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, it isn't in the top ten. Hurry up and get the blanket. I want to get comfortable if you are offering to get me high for th weekend."

"What are partners for?"

"A lot apparently," she mumbled. But she just gave him a small smile.

. . . .

"This..." she sighed, pausing on her words, savoring them (or was it the brownie?), "this is good, Mulder. More than good. Heavenly."

"If it has St. Scully's blessing," he sighed equally, pulling her close, "then I am a miracle worker."

Both had devoured two brownies and the movie was forgotten in favor of an Audrey Hepburn movie marathon that lay forgotten in the background. Scully had wormed her way against Mulder, who was already lounging on her couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table, had her halfway across his chest, the blanket covering both of them. She snuggled against his soft tee shirt. "Only because of the brownies," she mumbled sleepily.

"Only because of the brownies."

She could hear the smile in his voice. But she had no pain and she was safe (Mulder always had the effect). She didn't know why. Blame the brownies. "How come we never snuggle, Mulder?"

Her question came out in a quiet breath but he caught it, tensing slightly. "Brownies?" he questioned softly. He grabbed a brownie off the plate in front of them and broke off a piece and held it out in front of her tantalizingly. "Scully?"

"No. All me." Scully grabbed the piece of the brownie and shoved it in her mouth. She sighed contently. "I like snuggling with Mulder."

"So I am a thing to you, is that it? Or is that a statement?"

"A noun, verb, adjective. What does it matter? It's all very Mulder-y." She heard him chuckle and squeeze her in a brief affirmation. "It's partly because of the brownies but..."

A quick knock tore them from each other. Mulder looked at her alarmed, wearing his panic face, as he quickly glanced at the brownies in his offending hand.

"Dana? I'm coming in! I hope I'm not bothering you but I was worried when I couldn't get ahold of you."

"I'll be right there, mom!"

Mulder quickly put his hand behind his back and sat up straighter on the couch as Scully abandoned the blanket and dashed across the apartment to the door faster than her mind and body wanted to. Mrs. Scully forced the door open slightly and barged past Scully without preamble, smiling as she did. "Oh, Fox! I did not know you were here!"

"Hi, Mrs. Scully." Mulder tried to think of the face he gave the Oxford police that one time he got high at university. "Just...you know..." He glanced at the television. "Audrey Hepburn."

Scully looked at Mulder horrifyingly. What the fuck, she mouthed. He shrugged slightly but never lost his composure. She forced a smile when her mother spun and looked at her youngest daughter. "How sweet," Mrs. Scully smiled at her. She turned and spied the brownies on the table. "Did Fox bake this, honey?"

"Um, yes." Scully's voice sounded unnaturally higher than normal.

"Well, my attempt." Mulder shook his head. "They're actually terrible. Like terrible give-you-food-poisoning-terrible."

Maggie nodded at him pointedly. "What are you holding behind your back?"

He showed the brownie reluctantly, doing his best not to flinch under Scully's scalding gaze. "Oh you know," he nodded. "Brownies."

Maggie smiled slightly and grabbed one off of the plate, wrapping it in a stray napkin. "Don't mind if I do," she smiled at her daughter. "They look good. Don't be so harsh on yourself, Fox."

"Mom, really...they're really, really...rich," Scully offered feebly. "You wouldn't like them."

"Nonsense, Dana. That is what milk is for, honey. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay." Mrs. Scully stuffed the offending brownie into her purse. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yep," Scully nodded, forcing a smile. "Tomorrow."

"And bring Fox."

"Yep," she nodded again, eager to get her mother to leave, "I'll bring Mulder. Church and brunch."

"Wonderful! I've been talking to all the other ladies...they can't wait to meet your partner. They're already wondering when he'll put a ring on your finger!"

"Mother!"

Mulder was up at this time, subtly guiding Mrs. Scully out the door. "I'll be there tomorrow, Mrs. Scully. Don't you worry. Just you know, make sure you enjoy that brownie right before bed, safely at home. We don't need you in a chocolate-coma, now do we?"

"Mulder!"

"See, even Scully is worried. Good night, Mrs. Scully!" Mulder forced her mother out the door before quickly locked the deadbolt and the chain lock. He offered a weak smile to her. "Sorry."

"We're getting my mother high," she whispered. She was growing more panicked. "Mulder, we just gave my mother a pot brownie."

"Maybe she won't eat it."

"Mulder, she will. We just got my mother high. Trouble."

"C'mere," he sighed, opening his arm gently. She huffed uncharacteristically and shuffled towards him. He kissed her hair. "It won't be that bad."

"You're spending the night," she huffed again, eager for the distraction. "I'm not letting you drive home. And dealing with church and the church ladies tomorrow. This is your fault anyway. Getting my mother high."

"Deal. What do we tell her if she wants more?"

"It was a one time deal." She grabbed his hand pulled him toward the door as he waved the offending brownie in his hand enticingly. She grabbed it and tossed it back on the plate. "Snuggling," she grunted, pulling him towards her bedroom.

"Brownies?" he questioned.

"Just Scully," she replied, pulling him along and shutting the door behind her.

[jennyquill]

Supercorp and baking? But plot twist it's a college au and maybe they added something special to the brownies. Thanks my dude enjoy being drunk

fuck i love you anon. i also know nothing about baking edible mary-j so. i’m sorry if this is totally wrong bc it probably is. yeah alcohol! 

“i don’t like smoking.”

kara shrugs. “that’s okay,” she says. her fingers idly twist in the bedsheets. “i don’t like it either.”

they’re tangled together in kara’s small dorm bed and lena’s music is being amped through kara’s tiny speakers and lena’s shirt is on the floor of kara’s itsy-bitsy room. kara’s roommate is out so that means lena is in. kara breathes nicely, skin buzzing and smile easy. 

“i’ve never had edibles though,” lena says. she adjusts herself so she sits up on the pillows. kara hums, pillows her head on lena’s chest. 

“i know a guy?”

lena smiles. “really?”

“i mean.” kara shrugs again, a memory of lucy explicitly waxing poetic about the wonders of magic brownies churning in her head. lena’s fingers tangle into hers. “i’ve always wanted to make my own, too.”

“where would we do that?” lena laughs and gestures around them. “i don’t think that would be the smartest thing.”

“no,” kara agrees. she shifts so that she’s now on lena’s stomach, ear pressing into soft skin and hearing so much. bodies are weird. 

the music plays and the room is caught in this nice space in between time: kara snuggled to lena, air thick, windows dim. a thought occurs to her. 

she sits up then, lena jolting in the quick motion.“james’s apartment isn’t far from here,” she says, arms still wrapped around her girlfriend’s midsection. 

lena recovers and appraises kara carefully. “james isn’t into hooligan antics.” she taps kara’s nose which makes kara scrunch up her face. 

“neither are we.”

“yeah, but isn’t there like, an etiquette to this stuff?” lena flips a wild piece of hair out of kara’s face. “we can’t just invite ourselves over.”

kara rolls her eyes. “it’s james. he never locked his door freshman year.”

lena laughs, hand cupping kara’s cheek and kara leans into the touch. “winn hated him for that.”

“he still does.”

the dim light turns lena’s black hair blue, something so pretty that kara can’t stop the kiss she plants on lena’s lips, soft simple and sweet. it’s distracting, and they spend a little time getting a lot lost. 

“say we take over james’s kitchen,” lena mumbles against kara’s lips. “where would we get the stuff?”

kara pushes forward, eager for that sweet pressure. “like i said, i know a guy.”

lena laughs, open and cute. “you know everyone.”

kara flips her hair and smiles smugly. “i know.”

lena shakes her head but kisses kara anyways. by the time they’re done lena is resting atop kara’s chest, both breathing heavy and the daylight long gone. 

“so you know a guy?”

kara’s hand feels hot and heavy against lena’s bare back. 

“yes.”

.

brian texts kara back in less than two minutes.

finally, is all he says, followed by his address and a slew of excited emojis. 

lena shoves kara lightly on the shoulder and kara pretends to fall, arms flailing and legs dramatically thrown up. 

“you shouldn’t shove people,” kara whines, phone still in her palm. lena’s response is to shove kara again, and this time kara makes an effort not to budge. 

“you can handle it,” lena says with a wink. kara’s cheeks pink after that, and lena picks up her clothes off the floor with more attractiveness than what should be allowed. 

"you’re crazy.”

lena stands and puts her hand on her hip, levels her gaze at kara. “i’m not the one making drug deals at six in the afternoon. 

kara snorts and goes to dig around her drawers for shorts. “you’re paying for half of it,” she points out. “so that makes two crazies.”

she doesn’t see it but she knows with certainty lena is rolling her eyes. 

“it’s because i love you.”

“sap.”

“it’s true.”

lena fixes her hair in the mirror, sweatshirt baggy and skin faintly flushes. kara’s heart does that weird thumpy thing again and the room waltzes to that special halt once more. 

“yeah,” she says. “true.”

.

kara isn’t a terrible baker but lena’s a distraction. 

“we have to distribute the marijuana equally or -” kara sighs, lena’s arms tight around her waste and breath warm on her neck. “- or some parts will be more thc heavy than others.” 

lena hums, smart enough to understand but clearly not caring. “okay.”

“i’m gonna do that now.”

lena nibbles softly at her earlobe and kara tilts her head, almost spilling the batter in the process. 

“lena,” she whines.

“yes?” lena smiles into her skin. 

“lena.” it’s james’s voice carried over from the living room. “let kara bake.”

“please,” winn calls after. “also, i’m totally beating james right now if anyone cares.” the bouncy sounds of their mario kart game bop around the apartment and winn whoops in celebration. 

“bow down,” winn cries, the sound of his controller hitting the hardwood with a loud clack. it’s followed by james’s groan and another bouncy tune. “bow down, boy.”

kara’s able to get everything in the pan without much hassle and prays she’s done it right. lena’s moved to lean against the counter so the extra space is welcomed but kara reaches for her again anyways, hand fondling the scratchy familiar of lena’s sweater. 

“now we wait,” she says as she slides it into the oven. “and then we become real hooligans.”

“luthors aren’t hooligans,” lena says. 

kara nods, brings her hands to her chest in mock grievance. “of course. how naive of me to forget.”

“please share,” james calls from the living room. winn whoops again and james swears under his breath, that bouncy boppy tune growing stronger with every passing second. “you better share. you use my kitchen you share the goods.”

kara sends a salute over to the boys’ way even though they aren’t paying attention. “will do, good sirs.” she turns to lena, smile mischievous. “and you said james didn’t like hooligan antics.”

“i love hooligan antics,” james yells. lena shrugs. 

“i stand defeated.”

kara kisses her anyways. 

.

“lucy said not to take the entire square.” kara eyes winn’s slice warily. he doesn’t seem deterred, and then promptly eats the entire thing in two bites. he licks his fingers and shoots kara a dopey grin. 

“what does lucy know?” he asks. 

“everything,” james says. he takes a careful bite and chews thoughtfully. “you’re a wild child so i’m just not going to do what you’re doing.”

lena is looking at her slice with contemplation. 

kara and lena don’t do anything that would make james dub them as wild children. kara’s never done this and neither has lena and while it’s exciting kara also can’t help but replay eliza’s lectures to her and alex before they sauntered off to college. 

she catches lena’s gaze. there’s laughter, something like an inside joke being broadcasted over kara’s way. kara smiles, the stench of chocolate and hooligan antics strong. 

“ready?”

lena nods, smirk bright.

“ready.”

.

nothing happens. 

they play a round of mario kart. lena and kara clean up the kitchen. winn tries to convince james to a fourth round of mario kart. 

and then almost an hour later kara feels really warm. 

she stands and the room tilts. lena burns bright under the kitchen lights. kara thinks that’s funny, which, it isn’t, but it is. it so is. 

lena frowns. “why are you laughing?”

kara giggles behind her hand, a poor attempt to hide the rising of her chest. “why aren’t you?” she shoots back.

lena furrows her eyebrows. “you’re feeling it.”

“she’s feeling it!” winn yells, and by the shrillness of it kara’s pretty sure he’s feeling it too. 

james taps at his phone casually and doesn’t spare winn a glance. “sit down please.” winn immediately sits.

kara reaches for lena and marvels at how soft lena’s skin is, how she can see the blemishes on lena’s face up close, on the faint smell of chocolate and the smudge of her eyeliner. so close. lena is so close and so beautiful. 

“what?”

kara breathes. her head doesn’t feel attached to her body. “i don’t know.”

“feeling it?”

kara scratches her arm and the itch echoes across her skin in waves. 

“yeah.”

lena looks serious for a hot second before bursting into laughter. she cups the back of kara’s neck soothingly and wow, kara wants lena to touch her for forever. 

“this is the best idea we’ve ever had.”

“boo ya,” winn cries. there’s a sound like a body hitting the floor followed by a smack of a pillow. the mario kart theme plays on a loop. james laughs. 

kara snuggles closer. “best. idea. yes.” she punctuates her words with a kiss and lena smiles, smiles, something so weird and wonderful brewing in this little apartment on a weekend night. 

.

lena’s mouth has been hanging open for the last half hour. or is it five minutes? james said it’s only been fifteen. kara doesn’t trust math anymore. 

she pokes a finger underneath her girlfriend’s hanging chin and pushes gently up to close her mouth. lena’s bones move like putty and the moment kara removes her finger lena’s jaw slacks open again on instant. 

kara giggles and feels borderline maniacal. 

“so dignified.”

lena does something that looks like she means to swerve out of kara’s grasp but only achieves in whipping her hair back and forth. she pouts and pushes her cheeks together with her hands, skin red and flushed. 

“i feel like a turnip,” she moans. 

kara barks out laughter and james joins in, though he looks mostly confused. he’s cradling the mario kart console in his arms and having a conversation about lucy with winn at the same time. 

“that’s weird,” kara tells lena and accents it with a bop on lena’s nose. lena sniffles. 

“do you think we could get sushi?”

kara’s eyes widen. “from that shady place down on riverview and second?”

lena nods vigorously. “yes. yes yes yes.”

“i love salmon. they have salmon rolls.”

“and avocado.”

“hippy.”

“fish.”

kara laughs again and shivers because she can feel the laugh bubble up inside of her and what the –

winn’s sitting on his spot on the floor, unmoving and eyes glazed to the television. “i love these colors,” he mumbles. kara turns to see he’s watching the night news. anderson cooper is interviewing a lady down in texas. “i love,” winn mumbles some more, and after that kara decides to leave him in his infatuation. 

kara stands with difficulty and pads over to her phone where it’s resting on the counter. she wakes it up and swipes with slippery fingers to thumb in her passcode but is denied each time. it takes her about ten times before she realizes it isn’t her phone, but lena’s. 

“oh,” she says. 

lena’s suddenly spread out on the couch. “you okay?” she asks, voice an octave lower than usual, laden with sleep and hooligan antics. 

“yes,” kara affirms. she gets through the lock screen and stares at lena’s homepage with difficulty. words are so hard. words are fine. kara can read. kara. kara knows that sushi place’s number. 

it takes some time but they’re able to place a decent order. kara is entranced by lena’s phone’s light. the mario kart theme is stuck in her head and james is calling lucy and winn’s trying to find the tv remote and lena. lena is right next to kara and poking at kara’s earring. 

“have you always had this?” she asks. kara gets distracted by their closeness, lena’s smell very strong for some reason. 

“yes.”

“it’s cute.”

“thank you.”

“sushi?”

“yes.” kara bumps their foreheads together and maybe it’s a tad too hard because lena actually winces. “sorry.”

lena shakes her head. “i can feel my heartbeat,” she says. 

“that’s a good thing.” kara bumps her hand to rest against lena’s chest. the pulse is sure and strong and warm and kara’s senses go on overdrive. “it means you’re alive.”

lena smiles, eyes so dark in this lighting. kara smiles back, wonders if lena knows she looks great even without plucked eyebrows. 

“i’m glad.”

“good.”

.

kara’s two boxes of mediocre salmon rolls in when things start to go from comfortable to not comfortable. 

her stomach churns restlessly and she can feel every piece of sushi actually slide down her throat and it’s disgusting to be quite honest. the room spins but not pleasantly, and while she loves having lena by her side right now it feels too warm, too much too soon. she rolls her head, the cricks seeping into her muscles instead of flowing out of her body. kara hears winn’s voice droning on about something and james answering him but it’s all. so. much. 

lena spits out her sushi. 

“i can’t do this,” she says, looking very tired. 

kara nods through her haze, that stupid mario kart theme on that stupid endless loop. she’s not even sure if the damn thing is even plugged in. 

“lucy said,” she breathes, her head thumping against the wall. “lucy said it’s called greening out.”

lena shoves her food away from her. "how do we stop it.”

“we don’t.”

lena moans. kara cringes. she pries herself away from her girlfriend’s grasp as politely as she can, and lena goes willingly, taking comfort against the leg of the couch instead. 

“lucy said we just need to sleep it off.”

kara takes the last bite of her sushi because it was expensive and she paid for it so she might as well force herself to finish it, even if her girlfriend wont, and –

she turns and lena is snoring. 

kara sighs. her insides are on fire and her brain is overheated so she doesn’t think too hard about it and then curls up on the floor next to lena, hand brushing lena’s hand. 

the boys’s voices continue to drone on as kara’s eyes get heavier and heavier, her entire body creaking in her ears, the harsh cold of the floor a welcome sensation against her burning cheeks. 

at least she can say they baked the brownies correctly. 

.

so she doesn’t like to smoke. 

this is different. it’s weird. kara falls asleep to the throbbing of her organs. 

lena’s hand finds hers somewhere in the night, and they end up squeezed onto james’s couch sometime between it. 

.

things kara’s learned through the magic of adult brownies:

1). lena is beautiful even when high off her mind.

2). winn is a nerd. 

3). james needs a new video game console. 

4). she can bake brownies better than alex.

.

in the morning, kara wakes up with a crick everywhere and lena drooling on her shoulder. morning sunlight blinds her vision before she blinks away the spot. james is gone, most likely in his room, and winn is asleep in an armchair. 

kara debates waking lena up but then lena whimpers in her sleep, turns so she’s more buried into kara’s embrace, and wow, they look disgusting and kara feels like a sack of potatoes but there’s something about the community of this moment that has her stopping and sliding back into sleep. 

they’re crazy and they baked hooligan antics in james’s kitchen but hey. kara can clean everything up later. 

lena sleeps. winn snores. kara drifts back into her dreams. 

[digiweed]

Im super open talking about side effects if anyone is thinking about going regular for any reason (big ish desicion). I'm going to vaguely list out some pros and cons here.

Its helped a lot with:

-immediate pain

But I originally started smoking once a day because I did a research on endometriosis (a lot of my pain) and there were studies that showed when they isolated the tissue and treated it with CBD and THC that it not only STOPPED GROWING. The mixture literally caused the access tissues (thing causing the pain) to SHRINK.

And over the last month long term I've noticed such a difference. I was really worried but I literally dont even think I need the surgery I was planning on getting. I should really put this out on forums to help spread the word but it gives me so much dysphoria.(all the columns and forums only focus on how it's a women only disease and only women get it and no man ever will)

Its also completely stopped my night hallucinations and sleep walking which was ruining my fucking life. (Hallucinations would shake me awake. Constantly. Or yell at me loud enough to wake me up and when I wake up theres a fake person taking to me. Dont ask me how this happens I don't understand the brain either.)

Weed along with (MILD) meditation practice has gotten rid of my day to day hallucinations almost entirely. They're not as constant. Before it was a pretty daily struggle and now I never question what I'm seeing. They're anxiety triggered and obvs weed and my anti depressants together helped that.

It helps when my migraine goes blitzing ! At certain points tynolol cant reach me or even make a dent so I get high out of my mind and the pain stops. This is where the *chronic* part of my pain is important. Cause if my migrain doesnt stop it will just get worse. Like until I can somehow sleep (so hard to sleep with pain) and then when I wake up.

I've asked my neurologist about daily use and he says it's fine so 😅

It also helps me sleep, with anxiety, my wrist pain from arthritis, my back pain from years of unsafe binding, surgery pain (mildly), daily headaches* and overall aches which I get a lot.

BAD SIDE EFFECTS:

-Not knowing how certain weed effects u and getting really depressed the next day or anxious

-weed not being built for pain and more towards partiers making it harder to find pain strains. And the ones I find get me more fucked than I would like

-weed working for pain too well and I can't tell if I'm aggravating my pain

-not entirely sure how it interacts with my migraines. Though the research is positive theres sonething off about how it interacts with me long term

-SOCIAL. Really socially difficult to smoke around certain parties (teachers, my parents) that otherwise painkillers might not affect socially

-i stay up really late cause I dont like to smoke during the day

-SHAME

-feeling really dizzy and out of it the next day when you overdue it

-having to get way too high and way out of your comfort zone just to treat pain

-not wanting to get high but still having to to treat pain (SUCKS)

-nausea

-EATING WAY TOO MUCH

-appetite loss when you're not high. Up until like 3 weeks ago I didn't eat unless I was high because I had literally nooo appetite when I wasnt high. And food was already hard for me because of a hard poverty/ eating disorder combo

-social. My roommate doesnt like talking to me when I'm high but it's like dude I'm an adult who chooses to do this and also still a person....;__; it's especially brutal bc I don't *have to* but in a lot of ways... I have to lol :/

-LUNG HEALTH. absolutely appalling. Really hate that side effect . Edibles dont kick in for a while and my pain can be ballistic by then. This is actually probrably the worst side effect.

-memory

But ultimately I like it because it turns hours of pain into a pretty pleasant evening 🤷‍♀️ and that's so good for overall mental health. Pain to that level can be literally traumatizing it's hard to trust ur body or the world at all after a particularly bad flare up. It can feel hopeless🤷‍♀️

I love weed but theres a lot of side effects I don't like 😅 considering new painkillers or just taking like 1500 mg (3-5) tylenol along side smoking

[marchingatmidnight]

Title: you’ll come undone Summary: Dreamsharing is, quite frankly, a trip. Especially when someone is tripping balls and someone else is on a trip across the country.

Alternatively, “Eric Bittle Deals With A Lot”

. Read on AO3

Bitty has never shared dreams like this before.

It's not that he's never had a shared dream. He was still a little young for it all when he was figure skating, but he was close enough with his high school hockey team that dreams would overlap if more than one of them fell asleep on the bus at the same time.

But this was different.

There usually has to be some level of familiarity, and while no studies have been conclusive, it's generally accepted that similar schedules or routines make it easier. Some people only end up sharing dreams with people they live with, like a spouse, while others end up able to project and receive over long distances.

Bitty, of course, ends up with a decent chunk of the hockey team messing with his dreams.

It was more tolerable and less frequent when he was still in the dorms - although his roommate had had a dream about his family's cat that still made Bitty feel a little green whenever a stray tabby got too close - but now that he was living in the Haus, it was almost impossible to go a night without feeling slightly like he was trespassing in someone's head.

Bitty walks into Ransom, Holster, and Shitty already at the table, slowly starting to truly wake up. He moodily slides into a chair.

"Whoever had the caterpillar dream," he says, propping his head up on his hand and letting his eyes close, "isn't allowed to watch Alice In Wonderland ever again."

When he opens his eyes, Ransom and Holster are glaring at Shitty. Jack walks into the room and makes a beeline for the fridge.

"Shitty," he says as he's rummaging around for the protein shakes he tends to favor for breakfast. "No more smoking and Disney movies."

"But -"

"No."

"Jack, it's -"

"No. Or at least watch them in French."

"Jack, my friend, why the fuck would I, someone who is violently bad at even remembering that there are other languages beside English, watch a Disney movie in French?"

Jack turns around and looks way more intimidating than anyone should get to look with a banana flavored protein shake in their hand.

"I don't know, Shits. Why would a caterpillar need socks that large?"

---------

Most of the times the dreams aren't even that remarkable or noteworthy, except in how often they all share, and certainly not disrupting. Most of the time it's something that's only noticeable because of a certain quality, like the difference between the foreground and the background of an old cartoon, that makes it feel distinctly other.

But it's not bad.

Bitty talks to rugby guy about it over coffee at Annie's. He didn't bring it up; his date had mentioned he didn't get enough sleep the night before and when Bitty asked why, said it was because he and his teammate had shared dreams and it had thrown him off enough that he couldn't go back to sleep.

"Oh?" Bitty says. "Does that happen every time your dreams overlap? That sounds like it would get annoying quickly."

"Not all the time but - probably most of the time. It's not too bad, it doesn't happen very often." His date shrugs.

"Really? Dream sharing happens all the time with us."

His date frowns.

"Like, how often? Once a week?"

"No, um - usually once a night. But most of the time they're just small dreams like - I'm putting a jersey in a locker room and it's not mine. Or someone is walking into the house and I see myself, then it's over. Things like that."

"That's - really weird."

"What, really? I thought it was pretty normal for teams. You know, we all have to be awake at the same time, we eat together, we all have practice, so our schedules line up. And we're all pretty close." Bitty tries not to feel offended, but Rugby Guy seems like he's suddenly a little too surprised by the hockey team's dreams.

"Well, yeah, but - that's a lot."

"Huh. Well. You get used to it. Until caterpillars come into the equation."

Five minutes later Rugby Guy tries to kiss him, and Bitty makes up an excuse about practice to run away.

----------

Someone has been having dreams about Camilla Collins.

They all assume it's Jack, because who else? It makes Ransom and Holster give him pointed looks across a Kegster when half of the upperclassmen of the tennis team show up, led by Camilla.

Bitty doesn't see all of the dreams, which is nice because they're a little. . . charged.

Bitty is no stranger to sexual dreams that aren't his, but they're usually infrequent and one time occurrences that he can brush off in the morning. But these keep happening, and it doesn't help that Jack is the person having it.

The dreams are so focused, are so obviously had by someone who is familiar with Camilla. Lingering appreciation for her arms, for her lips, for the strength in her thighs. . .

It's like his subconscious jumping up and down while yelling you fell for a straight boy who's lusting after a girl! A girl he's had sex with!

It's getting old, to say the least.

It had been a blissful week and a half with no Camilla dreams for Bitty, although Shitty had mentioned having one two days ago, until Bitty woke up swearing on Saturday.

He stumbles downstairs, a little hungover and more than a little irritated, to find Ransom and Holster already at the table, head on their folded arms.

"Please, mysterious footsteps, be Bitty, oh fantastic and wonderful maker of hungover brunch -"

"If you want brunch today you're either finally learning how to turn on the stove or going to Jerry's," Bitty says, sitting down with a thump.

They each crack open an eye at him.

"You're grumpy today," Holster remarks. "So you got caught up in that shitstorm too, huh?"

Bitty just groans and lets his head fall against the table.

"Man, I never thought about that," Ransom says. "It's gotta be extra weird for you, right? Like, because you don't -"

"Ransom, please stop talking," Bitty mumbles. Ransom was almost definitely going to say because you don't like girls and not because you're seeing into your crush's wet dream, but Bitty doesn't really want to think about it either way.

"We're just going to have to get Jack laid," Holster says, and Bitty wonders if he could get away with murdering his teammates.

"Bitty, my man, my wonderful Georgia peach, master of all things edible, is there brunch in our future?" Shitty says plaintively, sliding into the last available chair. Bitty just flips him off and gets a sigh in return. "Fair, I suppose."

"Don't mind him, Bitty Bits is grumpy because Jack won't stop plaguing his dreams with -"

"Because I won't stop what?" Jack says, pulling the earbuds out of his ears as he walks back into the kitchen from his morning run.

"Jack, please. For all of us. Get laid," Ransom mutters into the table.

Jack frowns.

"What? Are you trying to set me up again? Because please don't."

"Do you need us to set you up? Because we will. Just say the word," Holster swears.

"Please. Really. Don't." He grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Then please go - I don't even know what to tell you, but I think if I dream about Camilla one more time I'm never going to be able to look anyone on the tennis team in the eye again," Bitty bemoans.

"Oh," Jack says, shoulders loosening. "Those dreams. They're not mine."

"What do you mean they're not yours, of course they're yours," Holster mumbles. "Who else would be having them? You're the only one who's ever been at all involved with her."

Jack shrugs.

"Don't know what to tell you. But it's not me having them. Well, I've shared them a few times - which is awkward for me, too."

"That's almost worse," Ransom moans. "Who the hell could it possibly be -"

"You all look awful," Lardo says, waltzing into the Haus. "Did I leave my charger in here?"

It could be the hangover talking. It could be the fact that it would be nice to have someone besides Jack having dreams about Camilla. But -

"Holy shit," Shitty whispered. "Are you - walk of shaming?"

"Do I look ashamed?" Lardo says, coolly plugging in her phone. "Just because all of you had to wake up hungover in your own bed doesn't mean I had to."

In a flash, Shitty has an arm draped over her shoulders and is leaning in dramatically.

"Well then, will you at least do your closest and most loyal friends the honor of. . . spilling the deets?" Shitty wiggles his eyebrows dramatically.

"You all can't possibly care that much -" Lardo turns around to everyone staring at her. "Or you can. Whatevs. I've been talking to her a little bit because - it's a long story. Anyway. Someone spilt beer all over Camilla, but it was late, so I walked home with her. And then. . . I didn't leave."

"Camilla," Shitty says flatly. "Camilla. . . ?"

"Collins? Do we know any other Camillas?"

It's silent for another beat, and the room explodes in sound.

"Et tu, Lardo?!" Ransom yells.

"Ah, that's why Camilla asked if she could come last night," Jack realizes.

"Laaaardoooo," Bitty groans, "I thought we were friends."

"You guys are usually never this way when I hook up, what the fuck?"

"Most of the time when you hook up you don't project your dreams about them to the whole team," Shitty says. Lardo, to Bitty's astonishment, blushes.

"Oh. Well - Is that what you all were talking about?"

"We all thought it was Jack," Holster says. Lardo swears.

"Fuck, I could have pretended it was Jack. Shit. That would have been smart."

-----------

It's in the bylaws: You don't lie about what you see in someone else's dream.

You don't have to talk about it. You don't ever have to acknowledge that it happened. But if anyone asks, you never lie. Sometimes personal information gets out and it's just easier if everyone is honest up front.

So when Bitty wakes up gasping from a nightmare about football players and utility closets, tangled in his sheets and soaked in sweat, he's not all that surprised to find Jack and Shitty already at the kitchen table.

They look up guiltily as he walks in, and he sighs.

"I'm making hot chocolate, if anyone wants any. So you both - saw -" Bitty can't make himself finish.

"Yeah Bits," Shitty says, gently. "We did."

Bitty heats up milk in a saucepan, enough for the three of them. He lets himself fall into the routine of making hot chocolate and puts a mug in front of the both of them.

"Um -" Jack starts to protest.

"Drink it, Zimmermann," Bitty says crossly, settling down with his own mug across the table. Jack sheepishly takes a sip.

"You wanna talk about it?" Shitty asks, gently nudging Bitty under the table.

"What's there to talk about? You two saw the whole thing." Bitty doesn't even have to look up to know they're exchanging looks. "No, no, don't do that. Look, just - don't."

"Okay, Bits," Jack says, and leaves it.

"But," Bitty bites his lip. "Can we maybe leave extra checking practice until the day after tomorrow? I need a day to sleep in."

----------

Bitty doesn't tend to share his own dreams very often. He sees everyone else's plenty, but it's not very often it goes the other way around.

Which is a good thing, Bitty thinks, as he wakes up rutting into his mattress for the second time that week. Still, he creeps downstairs, waiting for any sound or movement that meant someone might have shared in that dream.

"I'm just saying, it was fucking weird." Bitty froze on the second to last step, just out of the line of sight of the kitchen.

"You can't tell me that that was actually the first time you've seen Holster's dick," and Bitty almost has to sit down with relief. It sounds like they're talking about someone's wet dream - about Holster? - but not his, exposing his embarrassing crush on their captain.

Meanwhile, Jack wakes up later and more confused than he has in a long time. He grabs his phone off the table, and types out a text to Shitty. He hesitates, then deletes it without sending.

Is it weird to jerk off after seeing someone else's wet dream of yourself?

-------------

It takes a while for Providence to feel like home, for Providence to be the place Jack wants to go back to at the end of the day.

At first, when he and Bitty hadn't seen each other in two weeks, he wondered if he had made a mistake staying so close to Samwell. The Haus is tantalizing close, Bitty is tantalizing close, and he's homesick for the first time in a long time.

Jack first realizes Providence is home when he wakes up shaking in a hotel room wishing he was looking at the ceiling of his apartment.

He takes in a shaky breath, and has barely started exhaling when his phone starts vibrating obnoxiously on the nightstand.

"Hello?" he croaks.

"Jack." It's Bitty, because of course it is, and Jack must have shared that with him, oh God - "Jack, are you - that was -"

"I'm - yeah," Jack says, because what do you even say? "I'm sorry."

"It's - don't be sorry, Jack, don't be sorry -"

"No, no, I - that was bad. I'm sorry you got it too." Got it, like it's a cold. Like Bitty didn't just see -

"I just - are you okay?"

Jack tries to take in a deep breath. He fails, tries again. Tries to completely expand his chest.

"I'm getting there. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just - I'm not sure I've ever seen someone else's nightmare before, like that. It was really - vivid."

Jack squeezes his eyes shut against the guilt.

"I'm sorry."

"Sweetheart, it's - it's fine. Really. It happened, but it was just a dream." Bitty hesitates on the line. "Are you. . . are you going back to sleep right away?"

"No," Jack sighs, resigned. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh," and there's relief in Bitty's voice. "Okay. Me neither. How's Arizona?"

Jack settles into the pillows a little better.

"Wet, if you can believe it."

"Really? It was bright and sunny here today. That seems a bit backwards."

"Yeah." There's a beat of silence that Jack is suddenly desperate to fill. "When I woke up, I wished I was home."

"I think that's pretty normal, after that."

"Yeah, but. . . Home was the apartment. That's the first time - first I've felt like that, about Providence."

He can see Bitty's warm smile if he closes his eyes.

"That's great, honey," and even after all that had happened that night, Jack was starting to believe it would be.

-------------

Two months later, Jack wakes up in Seattle still half ensnarled in the dream, pushing his hips down into the hotel mattress and groaning when it's not enough. As soon as he has any kind of true sense about him, he snatches his phone off the nightstand and slams Bitty's contact.

"Jack," Bitty says, breathless.

"Bitty," Jack whines, not even caring how pathetic he sounds. "Bits, I was so close."

"I'm sorry, Ransom and Holster dropped something and it woke me up," Bitty says. Time zones suck, Jack decides, as his hips fuck down into the mattress without his consent again. "But I've got a few minutes before my alarm goes off, so if you want -"

"Yes," Jack moans, long and drawn out, rolling onto his back and shoving a hand down his boxers. He's close, was so close when the dream cut off, but now he can roll his hips into the tightness of his hand, which is much better than the mattress, anyway.

"Fuck, Jack, been too long, miss you, miss being with you, miss the face you make just before you come -"

And really, Jack's surprised it took even that long, considering how keyed up he had been when he woke up. He tightens his grip and his hips stutter up into fist before he comes, relief washing over him in waves.

"God, Bits. Don't even know what you do to me, thousands of miles away and I still can't stop thinking about you -"

Bitty lets out a soft whimper, but that's all Jack gets as he comes. The combination of orgasm and exhaustion is wearing down on him, though, and his eyes feel heavy.

"Miss you," he murmurs down the line, and he hears a soft sigh from Bitty.

"I miss you too, honey. Change before you fall back asleep, okay? I have to get up, but I'll talk to you later."

"Mmkay," Jack mumbles, and then hear the line go dead.

He shimmies his underwear off and deposits them unceremoniously off the side of the bed before he falls asleep deeper than before.

---------------

Bitty has been trying to tell to his parents for two weeks now.

He wants to tell them that he's gay, that he's dating Jack, that he got an amazing internship in Providence for the summer that makes Jack deliriously proud and happy to think about. But every time he Skypes with them, every time he calls his mom, he can't seem to get the words out.

He'd finally broke down in frustrated tears that night, both of them in the kitchen after Jack's game. Eventually Jack had been able to coax him to bed to at least lay down and relax, even if he couldn't sleep. Bitty does eventually fall asleep, and Jack isn't far behind.

Jack can't say he's surprised, really, when he falls into Bitty's dream.

It's not a very corporeal dream. There's just a feeling of distinct terror, and the underlying feeling of being alone, like the whole world had turned on him -

"Bits?" Jack calls out, slightly desperate. "Bitty!"

There's no answer, and so he thrashes, suddenly trapped by something -

Jack wakes up tangled in the sheets, and almost shoves Bitty onto the floor trying to get out of them.

"Jesus, Jack," Bitty mumbles. "I know getting my nightmare wasn't fun, but it's not like it was fun for me either."

"Bitty," Jack says urgently, wrapping Bitty tight in his arms. "You're not doing this alone, okay? You don't have to do it alone."

"I know that, Jack. We're a team."

"No, no, I mean - your parents. Let me help. Let me be there for you. Please."

Finally understanding that Jack isn't just talking in the broad sense, Bitty squints up at him.

"We've talked about this, Jack, I don't want this just to be about us. I'm gay, and - Lord, I hope this is never relevant - I'm going to be gay in ten years whether we're together or not. And it's important that they understand that -"

"I know, I know, but - just let me be there for you. Please? I can just - hold your hand. Be with you. You can do it on your own but - I just want to make it a little easier for you."

"Oh, honey," Bitty says, relaxing back against the mattress and coaxing Jack to do the same, "you already do."

-----------

[hcrsegirl]

╰☆╮MUSE 46 — wait, is that cerise “reese” du pont? is it just me or does the twenty-one year-old look exactly like abigail cowen? last i heard, they still weren’t over being exposed by the sentinel. according to the app, they can be credulous & turbulent, but i’ve also heard they're intrepid & audacious. can’t be too sure, people have a way of surprising you. all i know is that they remind me of vape scented smoke appearing in the middle of lecture , filming viral tik tok’s in public , the brushing down of a horse , forgetting a pencil but remembering to bring the juul to class & drinking homemade moonshine for barbie movie drinking games. honestly, the broadcast communications major should try to keep their head down. after the events of last semester, i wouldn’t want to be in their shoes. ╰☆╮

wow hey hi hello!! i’m kaya and this is my lil crackhead, reese!! this got really long because i never know when to shut up but if you want to plot pls hit me up here on tumblr or on discord at medieval 4loko gang#5402

P A R A L L E L S

gigi ( booksmart ) , keanu reeves ( always be my maybe ) , serena van der woodsen ( gossip girl ) , kirby anders ( dynasty )

T R O P E S

hard-drinking party girl , cloudcuckoolander , the trickster , upper-class equestrian , fleeting passionate hobbies , naive animal lover , fearless fool , playing with fire , parental neglect , fantasy-forbidding father

S U M M A R Y

born and raised in wilmington, delaware on the du pont family ranch, reese learned how to ride and compete on her family’s thoroughbreds. she’s a seasoned equestrian who typically competed in eventing and throughout the years had accumulated a series of ribbons and trophies between dressage, cross-country, and show jumping. definitely was a horse girl growing up and tbh still is???? definitely not the type to eat grass anymore BUT if given the chance she will not shut up about them.

a veterinarian before marrying into the du pont family, reese’s mother had their ranch doubling as both a home and veterinary clinic where the kids would help with the animals and keep them company. this caused reese to develop a soft spot for them, one that contributed to her going vegetarian at the age of 12 and eventually vegan at 15. it was also this love of animals that led her to wanting to help the environment they lived in and so her parents put her in girl scouts and eventually her love for the outdoors would cause her to join steinhardt’s outing club.

while her mother, eleanor, also helps out with the du pont family business of breeding thoroughbreds as well as run her clinic, her father, pierre, is a chairman of dupont, a conglomerate who got its start in the black powder market before expanding into chemicals for agriculture, materials science, and specialty products.

he was the type to have HIGH expectations for his family, expectations that reese never met. not that she cared to. definitely not a daddy’s girl, she’ll be the first one to call her father out for being a pompous douche straight to his face. probably quoted this to her father during a thanksgiving toast of “what are we thankful for this year”.

the black sheep of her family, even at a young age she could be found stirring up some trouble and almost always dragging one of her siblings or cousins along with her. a rebellious child who didn’t like being put into a box, she lived in a fantasy world of whimsy, often playing make-believe much to her father’s chagrin. she believed in all things fantastical from fairies to mermaids and while pierre tried to stifle those thoughts, they stubbornly remained.

even through her teenage years she’s held onto the firm belief that barbie lore is real. no one knows if she actually believes that or if it’s all of the drugs and her love for the movies getting to her head, but when confronted about it she will always be adamant that it’s a legitimate form of history.

speaking of history, her concept of it is slightly skewed?? def has weird beliefs of what communists are?? like you’re an android user??? suddenly she thinks you’re a communist????

tbh you could probably tell her something about anything and she’ll believe you without a hint of doubt. research?? she dunno her!! you could say the moon is a government con-job and she’d think it’s a fact??? super gullible and it’s a mess

i guess now would be a good time to preface that she’s dumb. stupid. an idiot. the list goes on but when i say she’s lacking brain cells… i mean it. the definition of head empty, she probably has a bunch of rocks where her brain should be sdfgh. but really, she can be innovative when she wants to be but academically she just doesn’t care to do well. in high school she ditched classes more often than not and was probably the kid smoking under the bleachers.

but where she lacks in intelligence she makes up for in brawn??? def the brawn over brains type who was a jock in high school. competed for her school’s equestrian team but also was on the fencing and archery teams. she once begged to be put into archery lessons after seeing the princess diaries 2 and fencing just came along not too soon after. she also used to run track and play soccer but those two sports ended after her senior year of high school although she probably still plays for the steinhardt’s intermurral league as well as any athletic competitions her sorority, tri-zeta ( zeta zeta zeta ) enters.

definitely the jack of all trades type except she’s passable at a whole bunch of things but good at none of them. probably can change a tire but it’ll need to be changed again soon. can bake a cake but it’ll be a little dry. the list goes on. she’s just very curious and picks up a lot of things but gets bored of them easily so she changes to the next thing.

okay i know i said she could bake a cake but she really…can’t. like with supervision she probably could but she’s impulsive and following directions for that many ingredients??? impossible. she just gets tempted to toss everything into a bowl and wing it and she does that every time. she can however make rice krispy treats. especially if they’re suppose to be edibles dfghj. but ya, don’t ask her to cook bc she can. not.

a stoner and overall drug connoisseur, she’s probably most known for being that kid who forgets to bring their backpack to class but don’t worry!! she remembered her juul!! has a collection of juuls on her person at all times. definitely that party girl who shows up hungover to class whenever she did bother to show up.

calls herself an entrepreneur because she used to sell edibles and other drug-related things and definitely was that tweet where she would give discounts if you signed an environmental petition or went to a protest.

has never said no to a dare EVER. you name it and she’ll do it. and if you dare her to drink cow titty milk or eat a piece of meat she’ll do it but it just makes you a dick dfghj

gets bored easily and tends to lash out and do something chaotic because of it?? the type to spontaneously light a couch on fire because she felt like it. a mild pyromaniac who once learned how to make a molotov cocktail. she can’t do it well. at all. but the one time she did try was also the same day she realized what a dumpster fire looked like.

i’m also not saying she’s out here to ruin your life for her own whims but like home girl has ZERO boundaries for anything. if you want to say she was a homewrecker in a past relationship??? honestly full send because it probably was her. morally she’s chaotic neutral and doesn’t care to be good or evil, she just wants to live her life of chaos and whatever happens happens. it should also be noted that she’s selfish. she puts herself first and others second always.

god someone pls try to start a fight with her. she’d either pat you on the head and ignore you OR go feral and just…foam at the mouth and bite you. probably claims to have gingervitis which is where she like…sprays vegan whip cream into her mouth and just… attacks you. for fun.

WOW ALMOST FORGOT but she’s a big larper!!! loves to go to the ones that are historical-esque where she can be an elf ( because she has a collection of elf ear tips dfghjk ) and acts as a knight/ranger by using her ACTUAL fencing, archery, and equestrian skills. she learned sindarin ( elvish ) for this but also she’s a big lord of the rings fan in general so it just worked out. her character’s storyline is her acting as her cousin, taay’s, protector but she has been known to enroll in a few competitions regarding any of her three skills.

currently selling moonshine alongside her roommates of trap zeta ( also known as the residents of the moonshine & roses subplot ) and so if you saw her running around with stolen pressure cookers, that is why !! making your own alcohol is illegal, but selling it??? even worse so they only sell it to trusted customers and anyone vetted by their usual customers. they probably have secret passwords and shit just like the prohibition period.

speaking of trap zeta, with the exception of fraternities on greek row, they throw the biggest parties. their jungle juice??? fire AND strong but also, they keep it in like....these dispensing chugs with a key so the only ones with access to fill them up or trap zeta themselves. they also have a stripper pole ( or two ) around their living room so like...ya get lit, get twisted, go off ig.

let it be known that their sorority, tri-zeta, is actually known for their stellar amount of community service but after the residents of trap zeta moved in together their sophomore year, the rep for partying started to increase and that’s why the home of muse 46-50 is nicknamed trap zeta. reese has probably been sent to standards way too many times and only got in and is still in bc her mother is a very generous alumni of steinhardt’s chapter of tri-zeta. 

a broadcast communications major, she’s a social media intern for steinhardt’s barstool page but most importantly has a whole tik tok account alongside her roommates dedicated to their college antics. think the hype house except it’s not pg-13 dancing and rly just their crackhead, drunk antics. might eventually make a playlist of tik tok’s that are probably posted on their account, we’ll see.

okay so you know the whole exposing of secrets from last semester??? reese doesn’t usually get mad but rn she Big Mad. like not only are they be scrutinized by the dean but their sorority is too and suddenly tensions are high between tri-zeta bc if trap zeta gets caught they all suffer and their chapter will be shut down and it’ll be a whole ass mess. atm she suspects their customers and even their somewhat rivals, the drug dealers of the ludes plot, but does she suspect anyone from the house??? no not rly

you can find her  stats page here and a wc page here

you can also find her pinterest board here

i also have a reese playlist here and a trap zeta playlist here