#my process er smth

[squidflavoredsoup]

gonna post this here too actually

uhhhhhh my process how i make the roomie cipher drawings ig

also bill

[minas-linkverse]

Do you have any tips or tricks on how to start a comic like this? Or even just how you got started?? I've had my own au for years that I so badly wanna put out into the world but I've been struggling with finding a good way to start it!!!!

Hm!! Ok!! This is a tough question with many different answers even just from me. I'll do my best to answer tho!! 😮

The main bit of advice I want to give, and which I think is vital to anyone creating anything:

☆ Know yourself.

When looking up advice for creating, people love to tell you that by doing things a specific way is the best and only way to go. Often advice of this sort has solid points, you should plan ahead, you should have easy character designs, buut... You don't have to.

I do not work well with outlines or scripts. I dislike sketching. You'd think that'd make being a long form comic artist impossible for me, but nope.

I know theres things I cannot do, so I've put all my practise to what I can do. My lineart style allows me to almost skip sketching completely, my scripts are more of an A to B structure than law. I improv 90% of the time when making pages. It's kinda like dnd with myself.

I would absolutely not reccomend what I'm doing to others, but I know it works for me. People can tell me I'm doing it wrong but its either wrong or no comic at all, SO. Suck it. 👍

Er. Rambling now.

My point is, figure out what you can and cant do, and do your best to give yourself the ideal work enviorment and process.

☆ Deal with being overwhelmed

Making just a few panels and suddenly realising its gonna take years to get anywhere is SO demoralising. It's gonna happen and its gonna happen again, and again, and—

But continuing with the earlier advice, you gotta ask yourself what would help you. Are you willing to sacrifice quality? Do you just need a break? Maybe you're like me and like to include smth you love in every update so you'll have something to get excited about making.

That feeling of overwhelm is trying to tell you something, so figure out what that is so it wont end the project for you.

☆ Start it

You wont like what you make when starting. I've never heard of an artist who has.

I'm not saying start this instant, not everyone is as into improv and flailing around as me. But I will say you'll never feel ready. Figure out the minimun of what you need to start and do it. Show friends first if youre afraid to post.

Also where to start? Well sure there's lots of good advice online about that, but you can also just doodle random stuff until you feel like diving deeper. That's what LV started with, just Twi and Wild hanging out with animals and some headcanons. It may not be the most tightly written work but theres beauty in the humanity of a mess.

☆ Extras

A "failed project" or "forgotten WIP" is only a failure if you let yourself feel that way. Yea it can be a hauntingly strong feeling thats hard to deal with... But it can be beaten. WIPS are proof you tried and not everyone can say they have.

Lv is far from done and I have no intention of dropping it, but because the journey has been so nice I'd satisfied even if I had to call it here. Its smth that helps me with the overwhelm... What I've made is beautiful even now.

Comparing yourself to others is gonna rip your heart out. I love that theres other links meet aus out there and hope the best for those artists but I caNNot follow any of them or I'll crumble to dust.

So Uhm.

Basically. Have fun and be yourself. 👍

Ps. Readability is basically the most important thing for a comic artist to pay attention to, that and not destroying yourself with details and rendering. 🙌 Good luck out there!

[asmobeuses]

Asmo give me any atsushi hcs fluff, angst destory my atsushi lover self DO IT!!!!!

Me ^

Atsushi HCS!

Warnings: Insecurity, mentions of bickering and arguments, hurt/comfort (u said angsty. Ask and u shall receive.)

I apologize in advance if these r ooc, I don't know much about his character UEUEUEUEUE💔

Tjis fucking loserboy!! He's completely whipped for u no doubt about it

He's constantly doting on you! Making sure you're okay, tending to any of your needs,

,,,making sure you're okaaaayyyy

(Ran out of things he does it's 3am spare me)

Treats you as if you're married lol

"Astushi we don't even live together"

Him cuz u said that

"How could you" :(

Apologize rn.

> Angst below the cut

Angsty (this is my shit right here)

He was very insecure about your relationship when it first began

He would always make sure to go above and beyond because he thought you'd leave him if he "wasn't enough" :((

Hug kiss and tell him he's important to you right NEOW!!!

No but fr his love language besides physical contact r words of affirmation

He constantly needs reassurance.

He may not need as much further on into your relationship, but don't think that means u stop giving it to him 🤨 (pause.)

Obviously like any couple, yall will have occasional disagreements that MIGHT turn into arguments if you're not careful

He loves you but damn does he get heated and passionate when it comes to his views on smth

At the end of each one he feel rlly bad tho, even if he wasn't the one who started it

Literally him after yall argue

Yall always end up making out up after every argument yall have.

You both end up forgetting about it after a night of movies n snacks n cuddles

The next day the Ada r like "you guys are on talking terms again?"

U and atushi in unison: "we weren't?"

Bonus angst

Thinking about atushi's reaction to you wanting a break and what caused it.

You love your boyfriend with every fiber of your being

But that doesn't mean you have the space on your shoulders to carry both his and your baggage.

Obviously you're there for eachother during your lowest, dont get me wrong!

There will be moments where his past is weighing in on him and he wants nothing but your reassurance!!

Butttttt his judgement gets clouded sometimes and he loses his emotional intelligence

Causing him not to notice when you're down in the dumps.

And this varies for whoever reading obv but in this case let's say you're the type of person to bottle up your emotions until one little thing tips the cup over

You end up blowing up at him over something small, really only because of how overwhelming your emotions got.

Now it's your turn to be like

(Hopefully) You end up feeling very guilty about your outburst

"Look, atsushi, I really think we need some time apart."

Whether you say that bevause you feel horrible about blowing up at him or you just need time alone to process your emotions is up to you 🫡

Prepare to be bombarded with questions.

"Are you breaking up with me?" no "Are you getting tired of me?" no "Is it because of something I did?" no

The list goes on

For the love of all things holy please make him shut up tell him you love him and just need time to yourself!!

He will understand and respect your decision, but prepare for him to look like a kicked puppy

Er... kitten?

Some type of cute creature that makes your heart clench when it looks sad.

Sorry idk where I'm going w this anymore

Yall always have a happy ending tho!! No matter what, there's no force that can keep you away from eachother permanently.

Would you like some coffee fluff with your sugar ansgt?

[pigswithwings]

Hi pigs "whale yuri Wednesday" with wings!!! I think the colors in your art are very cute nd i was wondering if you have a method with picking them? I struggle a lot with color picking when i dont have smth to work off of!

Also not an ask but you should post more about your original art/reblog it!! ocs too!! :]

well!! i don't have a specific method most of the time I'm eyeballing all of that!! but i can give some general tips on how i personally pick colours...

also: thank you 🫶🫶 ... i do not make art very often so most of the time i feel like there is nothing to post about!! but i will try to reblog my own art more often!! i have been working a lot on one oc of mine so perhaps you will see more of it :]

- i tend to first put all the colours side by side to get a sense of how they'll all look together!!

- usually i start with a very light or very dark colour that i like, and build off of that.

- after i choose a color to work off of, i tend to pick another colour that's similar to the first colour. (black and white can go well with basically every colour if you're stuck!)

i personally try to keep the colours distinct enough that you can tell it's another colour. this isn't totally necessary, it's mostly because i use a lineless style and my shapes won't be distinguishable if i don't make it clear which colour is which. for example with fhese two images - it's easier to tell between the colours on the right than the colours on the left.

specific processes here:

in the top left corner here, i chose the black, then the dark blue/dark purple, then the purple, then the light purple. they're all in the same area of the colour wheel but each one gradually progresses in brightness and moves into another area of the colour wheel.

same with the top right corner - i started with the white and chose a shade of orange that was easy to see against it. then a similar shade of yellow to pair with the orange, and then i wanted a highlight colour to stand out. since the general pattern of this colour set is bright/warm colours, we can choose another bright or warm colour that's different in brightness or shade - in this case i chose a bright green, but a bright red would have also gone nicely with this.

the bottom left and right is mostly the same as above, but finding a colour palette like the bottom right can be trickier. i started with a combination of white, cyan, and purple but thought that it looked a bit boring. so i picked a colour that wasn't blue or purple but a bright(er) red so that it stood out. could have also used bright orange/yellow/pink instead, but i think the red gives it an interesting contrast. i like to think that it's all about contrast

i tend to make colour palettes at random just for fun, so i think that practice or just putting colours together to see what looks good can also help!! some more examples below of just. colour palettes or colours that work well together

and yeah! to be honest i don't really know what i am doing but i like messing around with groups of colours. do what you want, lay down some colours that you like and most importantly have fun 👍👍👍

[ayyponine]

much like last year i got to enjoy some studio visits this weekend B)

(commentary in addition to description linked to each photo individually)

started out fresh w an art gallery (1, 2, 3) w some cool, colourful, eclectic and playful pieces on display. made a quick stop at work to say hi to a colleague i hadn't seen in a while before making my way to

my second location and biggest must-see (4, 5). Had a nice chat w artist who saw me look at one of her canvases frm the side so she was like lol do you paint or smth. bc i recognise how you're viewing these works when i go to a museum i do the same exact thing. I loved getting her perspective and a glimpse into her work process even if it's so different from mine idk it was cool! There was a whole collective of lil art studios scattered about the building surrounding a courtyard so i also entered a diff place and look. they were all about making zines. a group of ppl was chatting and making em. so i entered and was like hi ja sorry i kom ff binnenvallen maar ik weet niet goed wat er..... te bezine valt. which instantly made me cringe so hard i was ready to leave but the girl leading the workshop seemed thrilled to have me and explain the setup even if internally i was still like oh god why am i like this rip. i think i missed out on some more ateliers but mostly bc a lot of the artists were gathered in the lil courtyard having drinks and chatting and i was too intimidated to ask fr info or be spotted looking lost like some IDIOT so on i went rip.

quick stop at kids clothing shop which always cheers me up it's so whimsical and i want their stuff fr

Then onto 6, 7 where they had some cool stuff fr sure but the location was such a cramped and cluttered old row house and i had already spent my whole day walkign around in a T-shirt so especially trying to navigate around other visitors this was just not it babes. i moved on before having seen it all despite being interested bc i just needed to get tf out.

Managed my good deed fr the day when i spotted a confused looking older couple w a wheeled suitcase and personally guided them to their hotel

THEN on to this hidden lil atelier where i also went last year + attended a grand total of 2 life drawing sessions in the months after. again while arriving i was faced w the distinct feeling of having barged in on a private party of artists all at a table sharing a leisurely drink on a dreamy sunday afternoon rip BUT. the artist i talked to last time/followed the drawing sessions with was there, still knew me by name and made some small talk to help me feel welcome what an absolute gem. he even proposed i sit w them at the table & hang out fr a bit, when i said like hmm thank you but to just join up w a group of friends who all know each other it's a lil daunting he even said like but i know them, and i know you so its all ok :) i was internally like cool. i would takea fucking bullet fr you btw this is totally fine and i can not believe you are still willingly talking to me, the single most embarrassing person to ever exist in the world

anyway i did not accept the offer to stay fr a while but did chat w some of the other artists which was again super cool, to get more info on the diff works on display. they seem like a rlly sweet and charming collective of people and i wish i didn't feel so ashamed of myself so i couldve spent more time with them all but aint that the way. debating atm whether i should sign up fr another life drawing class or if the guy was only being nice bc he felt obligated and would actually prefer i keep my flustered and off putting vibes tf away from his personal and professional work space idk.

anyway. i had the wrong address so almost missed out on my last visit but in the final hour it was still possible i did manage to find the last location (8, 9) w an exhibit on themes of europe, durability and the meaning of home. there was a really cool piece on trees & difficulty in their sap stream where you could touch a chunk of wood and feel clicks resonate through a speaker mounted on the back, a glass installation on koekhappen re: jumping through hoops fr resource accessibility & probably my fave: the audio of welcoming messages. esp smth about the french speaker was so warm idk there seemed to be genuine relief in the confession of "je suis tellement heureuse de te voir, que tu m'as manqué" which also btw. god ive always loved that expression. ive missed you you have been missing FROM me or smth more in that direction of semantics i. insane

then biked on to my moms again to get some got damn. peace and quiet. and a cinnamon roll w vanilla ice cream <3

[daggryet]

❤💛

NEUVILETTE IS SOON TO BE HERE HELL YEEEEEEAAAH!!!!!

i wanna pull for him. im gonna pull for him

it's like. i like him a lot, I like his design, I like his whole thing AND his hydro and a catalyst which suits me very well

i only have Barbara for a hydro and while with certain artifacts she makes pyroenemies (like, yknow, the bosses, for ascension materials) easy peasy she's just. she's not it (also like. it's soooo hard for me to ascend her cause I need to kill the water thing for it and you need archers for that AND I AIN'T DOING ARCHERS NO WAY)

i might actually build fischl but like. only after i build my main and sub-team. so very not right now

I hope neuvilette will be good. i don't actually play catalysts that much but I hope he'll be good. i even know what I kind of team I want to put him in, if his talents allow it. my hopes is that he will be similar to ningguang because I like her playstyle. or barbara, cause she's not bad either, just difficult to ascend and also a healer which is not what I want (I wanna put neuvie with yaoyao if it works. him, yaoyao and kuki and like. idk maybe xiangling. she kind of got replaced by thoma because i found his skills worked better for me with beidou. and also I love him and I am not above salivating at pixels)

on that note: you've mentioned you've built thoma and same!!!! im in the process. what kind of artifacts do you have on him? I wanna lean into his defense/shielder thing but all the guides are so confusing

also, yknow what's been in my mind: does anyone main Lisa? like someone must. but I've never seen that

ALSO ALSO: razor and lisa both say "blitz" when using their elemental skills. it's cute (though Lisa's flirty while razors is a scream)

this reads a little like an oldtimey letter lol. I feel compelled to sign off like

"With my best regards,

❤💛"

or smth

NEUVILLETTE IS ALMOST HERE!!!! i'm so excited, will be my third debut character with lyney and kaveh. i really hope i'll get him early since i've only got 19k rn, and i have such a long list of characters i wanna pull for lmao there's yae miko, cyno (for 4ggravate completion, tighnari will come home at some point i believe!!), venti would be nice for crowd control

i've not built my barbara but doing the last banner, i got her c6 so i'm kind of hoping neuvillette will work well with her so i have an excuse to build her. the only downside is that i'd have to fight a lot of oceanids and omg that boss kicked my ass when o had higher level than it, it's kicking my ass even harder now that it's 10 levels above me. even with lyney who is so cracked, i died like three times las time i attempted it, so i feel your pain!!!! FUCK OCEANIDS!!!!

you did remind me of xiangling, i always mean to build her but then i get sucked into trying to get the perfect artifacts for my main team and well. i'm not spending money on genshin, but damn do i feel scammed in domains. so many hp and defense pieces when i'm just farming for my dps

i don't play a lot of catalyst characters actually, wanderer is the only one i Really use and i think that's because he's flying so while he is vulnerable (like all catalyst characters are), he is still a bit harder to reach than normal catalyst characters. but for neuvie, with his design and his va and his personality, i will make a difference and learn how to play catalysts well. i did it for lyney and bow characters, i will do it for neuvie as well.

and for thoma!!! my best boy. i don't have a set as such for him, i read somewhere his shield scales off of hp, so i've just slapped A LOT of hp and hp% pieces on him. if that site lied to me, well shit. i will have to go look for which specific set is good for him, but i've been leveling artifacts so much recently i have like ten four stars left. and his talents are like 2-7-6 i think.

i dont know, i'm suere there's a reddit group for them but i've been thinking of leveling her and building her, so maybe she can be in an alhaitham team with a lot of er and a very leveled burst talent.

also that's cute:') i love when characters have matching lines

[herrscherofmagic]

hello world

i'm still here!

i haven't posted art here in ages, not like I've made anything new in ages either, but I figured i'd start posting my older works to social media since I've finally kinda-sorta started drawing again recently, so this week I'll try and post a bunch of months-old things that I've worked on! And maybe a couple newish things too~

This is a bunch of messy sketches I worked on a while back, it's actually one of my favorite projects so far because I was getting bogged down in the details w/ the first sketch I was working on, and I was like "wait this is dumb this is going to take forever and I just keep feeling more miserable-er" so I decided to just wing it and do a bunch of super fast and rough counter sketch things and it actually worked???

so I went back over one of them a few times building it up, then I used the pose I was drawing as a guide to draw a different character in that pose, and it's the first time I've ever really done that? at least with a full-body thing, as opposed to background stuff

and the fischl painting??? actually kinda worked ngl

I really like showing off these rougher behind-the-scenes details because it's so easy to get caught up in the super fancy finished products that a lot of artists post, and obviously that stuff is amazing, but I also think it's nice to show the uglier side underneath all that, so that way newer and aspiring artists can see that the process of art is more complicated than just "have talent, make pretty picture", it's about actually screwing around and trying things out and not being afraid to make mistakes, knowing that nothing is permanent and it's better to try and see what happens instead of fearing that you won't be perfect...

anyways I haven't quite drawn like this in like two months or smth dumb like that, but I'm trying to get back on track! there's a Honkai comic I want to work on (redrawing a scene from Elysian Realm) and I still have tons of projects to get working on someday, so I need to actually draw and do things so I can actually get kinda good-ish at art, y'know??

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMFAO maddie the third person to the link we are the new tabieitaken but FR it’s weird but kinda funny like I guess we all saw it coming but kaneshiro purposely adding him in to add a realistic factor to BLLK always sends me yeah he’s also kinda just there for me for comedic relief mostly

BRO SCOVILLAIN JUMPSCARE

DONPHAN MY GOAT (elephant) also wait I literally remember catching an extra wingull to keep it not evolved (wait I forgot everstones existed er ok wtv I rarely used items that weren’t exp share oops agree pelippers ugly) that’s actually crazy SHSHSH also I LOVE volcarona it’s just so majestic also my brain did gymnastics processing malamar for reason I first thought magcargo then magmar and after reading through the third time (not purposefully because of this but because I skimmed and read it first and now I’m reading while I reply) I’m finally realizing you mean the upside down squid LMFAOOOOOO but MALAMAR im ngl they made it so villainous in the anime but I love it and it’s vibes loppuny is also funny because I had a brief buneary phase at some point in time truly got the vibes on point also YESS eeveelutions duo!!! Jolteons so iconic and I’ve always loved how it’s tail (?) is so different from the other ones and it matches the electric theme so well like they really put their nintendussy into designing it (and the other ones too!!) anyways big fat stamp of approval

MILOTIC SO BASED it’s actually gorgeous also def one of my favs pause imagine you make a side story about chigiri rapidashing racing career and insert yourself as an oc HAHAHA (im like half serious) also back to eeveelutions the umbreon jolteon duo >>>> that sort of black yellow aesthetic looks so good also wait i do get the mawile vibes lowk its giving slay…flygons also a goat yk on that note I’ve always kinda questioned wtf trapinch is LMAOO

Wait that’s hilarious eeveelutions giving otoya trauma because bro got the least badass presenting one LMFAOOO also imagine jolteon and plusle adding to karasus electric type trauma HAHAHA (the jb audio has me crying too why are those memes so iconic)

Wait also PURSUIT CHPATER ONE OUR commentary coming shortly

- Karasu anon

HELPP tabieitaken reincarnated fr 😭🙏🏻 no i agree like honestly it’s not a surprise that igaguri was put in?? kaneshiro is NOT giving him up just yet…also side note but that panel of him standing next to noel noa is SO FUNNY like noa just looks so huge and unbothered and igaguri looks so small and dumb it’s giving “my uncle is dropping me off at daycare where i have to do arts and crafts and i no no wanna ☹️”

OMG YAYY i’m glad i got the vibes so on point hehe one thing about me i will be making a fire pokémon team every time /j PLS chigiri x mira childhood friends to separated (while he’s on his journey w mc trio and i’m chilling w the ponytas) to reunited as lovers pursuit au when?? jk jk ofc if i’m in the pursuit verse (and if nagi is taken by pursuit reader) i am zooming my ass over to wherever karasu and otoya are 😩 bro i’ll take EITHER too they’re both soooooo perfect (well except for otoya’s womanizing but considering he’s pretty unsuccessful in the pursuit-verse it’s workable)

apparently according to google the trapinch line is based on antlions?? never seen them before and was vaguely uncomfortable as someone terrified of bugs but yeah checks out

I’M CRYING we’ve got otoya traumatized by the umbreon and karasu traumatized by the jolteon…maybe we’re better off going for yukimiya and hiori or smth HAHAHHA at least they won’t actively be beefing with our teams

[bleep-bloop-boo]

hi honey...sorry to bother you...but i saw that some other ppl are asking for advice so i hope you don't mind me dropping this here...(feel free to ignore if u don't want to respond)

but uh i feel like i have audhd, or at least some flavor of executive dysfunction, but my parents don't really seem to understand that. like even the noise of someone chewing makes me angry, or that i have to do this a certain way, or that my brain and my body just doesn't work like my parents' do. i know fidget and stim a lot, and i am reaaally bad at procrastination. er not procrastinating. even simple tasks like getting ready for bed or showering (there's so many steps why are there so many things) or even other things that would literally take 5 minutes. like making a mountain out of a molehill or however it goes. i just relate to a lot a lot of the symptoms and experiences that other audhders have, but i don't know for sure if i have audhd.

idk i just don't know how to tell my parents that i think I have audhd and that i want to get it tested or smth i don't rly know what the process is...

anyway sorry for long ask T.T

hi!! okay, first of all, hfjkddifuhghjdkd thank you for asking me <33 (sorry i responded so late, i havent been online a lot 😭) and you're never a bother and i love the long ask <33

and i totally get where you're coming from! of course this wont work for every parent butttt, you can try this 1. don't mention any specific names, words like disability or autism or even adhd make parents nervous and dont mention internet research yet 2. slowly start describing different symptoms to them just like, work it into the conversation and pretend its relatable like for executive dysfunction "ugghhhh, i wish i could stop being lazy" "i also wish you'd stop being lazy" "its just harddd, like i want to get up but i cant. you know the feeling? like i know i have so much work to do and a lot i need to get done and i really want to start it but like my brain isn't letting me...." *wait a sec* "OH! like you know how when you want to do something dangerous? like when trying to bite your finger off like a carrot cuz you read it in a childrens book and wanted to try it but you couldn't because your brain stops you from hurting yourself? (or use the example of touching something hot) THATS THE FEELING IM TALKING ABOUT!" 3. then after you introduce a lot of the symptoms as 'quirks' you have to the point where they start calling you out on it and recognizing that you are struggling you can move on 4. start talking off-handedly about adhd/autism just casually "oh! you know how i always forget things no matter how much i try to remember them and then end up feeling really guilty i forget?? my friend with adhd does the same thing! dude, literally none of my other friends understood what i meant when i was talking about how frustrating it is to forget everything and like yk like how you start to distrust yourselff, its so cool MAKEUPANAMEFORADHDFRIEND gets itt" from this, you can gauge how supportive your parents are of the idea and start warming them up to it 5. now, some parents might start to search up adhd or autism and begin to realize that the traits you showed in step 2 are actually symptoms if nottt, start showing em videos of people describing adhd/autism and say your friends sent it to you (my friends actually do this. all the time- )

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/7_9VWxnRns8 this persons videos are some of my favorties <33 and show them saying smth like "omg, look, this person is just like meee" 6. after a while of showing them videos like that, start mentioning things like "lolol, my friends keep teasing me saying i have autism/adhd" mention this a couple times when youre using your phone so it seems like they're just texting you about it (i would mention adhd sometimes and autism others like "yk how NAME says i have adhd? well theyre fighting with NAME2 cuz NAME2 thinks i have autism lolol")

7. if they still dont connect the dots, then mention it to them casually and worst comes to worst, blame it on your friends "huh, yk whats funny? all these videos my friends said me are like surprisingly relatable... maybe im adhd lolol" or "broski, my friends are so certain that i have autism, they keep bugging me to get a diagnosis to prove theyre right! can we get one just so they stop??" of course, the best way would be to talk to them and be vulnerable and just be straight about how hard it is for you (and crying will prolly help lol) and ask them if you can please get a diagnosis because you just want to know if theres something to help you if thats not possible, try my list (tho it does take a while... like quite a few months) and let me know how it goes!! and the most important part, remember that you are doing a great job :)) autism and adhd and nuerodivergency can be so hard to deal with and the fact you're trying to get help is good <33 your struggles are so valid, and its not your fault in the slightest. i am so, so, so proud of you for everything you did :)) remember than hon GOOD LUCK BESTIEEE <33333

[tiredassmage]

it is exactly this kind of thought process that makes me subject even my blorbos who i never intended to be in the main character hotseat, let alone alliance commander kind of main character syndrome, to the kotxx electric boogaloo. there's a post or smth that lives rent free in my mind about something to the effect that "not so much blatantly out of character, but what circumstances would lead the character to do x or act in x manner" and smth about if you can find that you can make almost anything believable but it's that first part of the ~wisdom that's really given me a lot to chew on.

i think the only tech class i haven't super spent a lot of time plugging into the commander seat is bounty hunter, but len did make it that far at least once and i'll do it to him again now that i have a better grasp of who he is.

[i have too many blorbos so in the thought of sparing dashboards, let me put a cut]

if i get to die on the hill convincing muts and fellow swtor-ers that agent is actually an epic kind of character to put through the expansions then i'd die happy. it... makes sense to me in a way that idk if i can generally explain it very well and it's... incredibly individualized to what happens to the agent in their class story. tyr fits the role of commander in a way that i think some would still call surprisingly well, but there's the argument that what is 'commander' but another role or mask to play, and especially for someone like tyr who is invested in building his team because the better his team, the better he was able to do his own job, he's... a natural at it, really. and tyr has been the type that's been looking for a kind of change (in his life, in his own circumstances, maybe in the whole galaxy) for so long that regardless of being thrust into the commander's seat or not, he would've found himself in the alliance. a man so driven by his ideals finally getting an escape out of being a ghost in the rather binary system of the galaxy is almost a relief - sans, y'know, the ancient sith emperor bouncing around in his head, but he's dealt with migraines before, so it's another day that ends in y for cipher nine.

his trooper au edition handles it all with... a significantly less amount of grace, to put it nicely, lol. troopertyr was kinda unsteady by everything he endured in the class story era and the early expansions to begin with, and his anchor was his team, to keep things short. being shorn of that support network that helped build so much of his identity and sense of purpose brings out the worse edges of him. he unravels a lot under the pressure, but being in that kind of position, nobody else can afford to stop him and ask if he's okay, which lets him spiral pretty far and get into a series of behaviors that he'll loathe himself for and have to spend several years after the alliance is no longer in his hands (he doesn't want the pressure, and he'll turn down reinstatement to republic special forces even as he hands what remains of the alliance freely over to the republic and sets whoever doesn't want to go loose) trying to unlearn and recover from. arguably, the ex-co of havoc squad should be relatively well-prepared for a role like alliance commander, and that spin through the story really improved my thoughts on trooper and my love for it, but troopertyr i built a very... special kind of cocktail about how he came into special forces and havoc squad where it... wasn't really the best fit for him to be there to begin with, but it was the circumstances he was dealt, so the further pressures found the cracks that had already formed and just drove them deeper.

i have toyed around a little about what it'd do to leo, one of my smugglers - arguably one of the least qualified people to ever have to handle the situation based on his credentials and disposition for handling pressure and decisions, which.... naturally meant i just had to figure out sooner or later what it'd do to him, right? so, for leo, ending up with the whole valkorian problem and trying to wrangle the alliance starts with being in the wrong place at a really bad time, and it preys on his fears about loss. leo's not nearly as good an actor as my agents are - they're trained for those kind of scenarios so they come by it quite naturally in comparison, but at the end of the day, leo finds himself in situations often where he puts on some kind of mask to get through the situation. and he's desperate to protect the few people he cares about. he's a much smaller picture kind of person, rather than the grand overarching picture of the galaxy and its interwoven problems that most of my other characters have. leo making a deal with valkorian is less, initially, about personal power or ruling an empire as it is a don't hurt them. which is easy enough for valkorian - it's not really a lie to say they won't come to harm by his hand when they're barely significant enough for valkorian to notice, right? and not that leo is.... gullible, exactly, but he's... scared in that kind of scenario. scared enough to lose the few people he loved, and astronomically stressed and overwhelmed by the impossible nature of the task set before them, and not particularly a good leader. i think valkorian can manipulate him into spinning taking over zakuul as the kind of... become more powerful so they can't touch you kind of narrative. a bit similarly to what leo thinks of his reputation in the wake of nok drayen's treasure and taking down the voidwolf. no reason to not take advantage of the power and the fame in the ways he can, and double down on keeping the claws at hand gripping desperately to the precarious position it puts him in to have that kind of notoriety, right? it's.... incredibly unideal for him in a lot of ways, and something that could arguably make him worse without a counter from one of his old gang of friends and beloveds to steady his perspective on things. he doesn't become malicious out of ill-intent, exactly, but he... can be driven to lock down and lash out in the interest of self-preservation and protecting the few people he cares for. if he's going to be forced to run this shitshow, he'll.... make it work for them. it has to work... this is what they want, right? right?

and len is... on a superficial, baseline thought it's... it can be as simple as the fact that the man doesn't know how to turn down a challenge. he's bullheaded. and while he's "smart" enough to know in the throne room he can't simply put a blaster bolt through the immortal ex-sith emperor and solve everything so simply, so take his deal, he is also incredibly, belligerently independent and stubborn in a 'this is good advice, but don't tell me what to do' fashion that ends up making him mouthy with valkorian, anyway. and len, thankfully(?), has a background in imperial black ops prior to his career as a bounty hunter that gives him some military training in addition to his several years as a hunter and experience in the great hunt that make him a prepared fighter and, admittedly, a surprisingly decent leader as far as assigning forces. he's not the most emotionally available man there ever was, and as mouthy and belligerent as he's known to be, he also knows tossing his head too much and trying to fight being given the reins on the alliance won't actually achieve any of their goals for anyone. he'll still make comments about it, sure, he's got a reputation to maintain, after all. can't have all these whelps thinking he's gone soft or somethin' on 'em. but he's also nothing if not a man about getting his jobs done, and this is another job. and he fucking hates losing. xD

smushing every class into the Commander role isn't the best decision storywise but asking how your particular character adapts to the role - whether they're unfitting or not - is always very good for the creative cogs

[thatsuncleharrytoyouyoungman]

i was also thinking abt adhd executive dysfunction hyperfocus obsessive thoughts the correlations but also differences n like you see many executive dysfunction tips n tricks uh i guess usually specifically aimed at adhd-ers? on this site like the 54321 go one which are all really great for executive dysfunction but i was thinking abt the idk to me it's the reverse bc tht place of executive dysfunction usually comes from a place of like "doing nothing" while actively thinking abt or aware of the thing u need to but cant get urself to do but like what abt when you hyperfocus or obsessive abt smth so hard n you cant get yourself to stop? like yk all those adhd jokes abt accidentally playing a game for like 12 hrs straight n then u stop n hit with all the body stats or whatever yh in tht sense i feel like mhmm the thought of needing to stop there is different from the thought of needing to do in executive dysfunction like myb sometimes u need to stop the think you're obsessing over to do smth else but also sometimes not? myb you just need to stop? or myb it looks at how u uh view the agency of having to do smth like if you're playing a game for an hr yh myb you shld sto to rest ur eyes for a few minutes or stretch etc but do you actually need to n if u dont actually need to then does ur brain process it as smth to uh like remind? u tht ur not doing if tht makes sense which i feel like is the difference between not doing smth bc of executive dysfunction n not doing smth bc ur too thoroughly engaged in what you're doing n yh i was just thinking abt how u nvr see tips abt dealing with tht idk my brain wont shut up rn UwU

[makiema]

finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel. 

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

 Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is  both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part: 

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway,  this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is: 

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about  is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have: 

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is: 

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is  smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt  find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to  up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:  

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human. 

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol. 

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer) 

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya. 

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer. 

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon. 

[valdotpng]

heyo, how do you go about choosing your colors and coloring your more rendered pieces?

I absolutely adore your art and the vibes it gives off btw <3

aw thank you for your kind words! dunno if i’ll be able to answer ur question in a satisfying way cause i honestly dont really . know?? but i’ll try my best to explain at least Some of my thought process (under the cut!)

usually i have a Very Basic idea of what kinda colors i wanna use in a piece, but when i sit down and start working on it i sorta start throwing things at the wall to see what sticks, yknow. i do prefer to like.. start w/ a colorless (or almost colorless) or monochrome sketch and then build up saturation and color variations as i go! to show u what i mean by that, lets look at what my newest drawing looked like at different points of the painting process:

notice how there werent any purples+blues at first! i wanted to fuck around and try to make a funky transition from light to shadow, so i slowly started putting those tones in there

its not the Only type of color palette in exitence ofc, but i tend to favor the ‘warm light + cold(er) shadows + pitch black shadows’ combo uasdhfuishdfu

a thing worth noting is that desaturated colors are your best friend if you wanna make a painting feel more harmonious. i dont really know how to explain it well, but like.. desaturated colors thatre either really close to / are ‘cold’ colors tend to still look cold in a warm light, despite the lack of saturation. in fact, usually its that lack of saturation that lets them coexist w/ the rest of the colors in the light, which are super warm and saturated in this pic, for example:

oh and i mess around w/ different layer blending modes and the like sometimes too!! making my own gradient maps and applying them to some parts of a painting has lead to some very interesting results, theyre always really fun to experiment with

i also really like doing this..... Thing where i’ll add little smudges of more saturated colors here and there. its just a really fun thing to do!! BUT smth that you gotta keep in mind if you ever wanna try doing it is that saturation can also affect a colors value, and values are really really important

notice how in the original version the lil color variations are p noticeable, but when you apply a monochrome filter to it, they dont stand out at all. thats cuz if the saturation significantly affected a colors value, i’d just go ahead and pick a lighter/darker one until it matched the overall value of the area where it was

but overall the way i pick colors is just . i just pick what feels right/what looks good to me, yknow? anyways. hope this was at least somewhat comprehensible!

[ayzrules]

✶ 𝐇𝐗𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 & 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 & 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   Long story short, I have been thinking about this for wayyyyy too long now and wanted to get some ~thoughts~ & analysis written down! This post is going to be...fairly long, lol. Apologies in advance :D

  Also, if you can’t see the last gif (the one for ‘holy’), click here. Tumblr keeps fucking up the image when i try to upload it :////

  This post is probably going to be about 2/3 yorknew & phantom troupe/kurapika focused, 1/3 chimera ants, maybe with some references to other arcs (including manga-only arcs) mixed in. so, ofc, tons of spoilers ahead! also, i realize that my blog theme is hard to read (and i’m p sure clicking ‘keep reading’ sends you to the og post itself), so i’m linking the post w/ full text copy/pasted in on my art backup side blog (which has a more legible font) here. 

✶ 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇   I’m sure absolutely nobody is surprised with me starting here - there is just. SO. MUCH. DEATH. in hxh. & right from the start, one thing I noticed that togashi really emphasized was the #4 and its connection to death. in japanese, chinese, and im p sure some other asian cultures the number 4 is pronounced like the word for death so it’s associated with death in general, and boy oh boy does the ‘deadly number 4′ thing show up E V E R Y W H E R E. we get to the hunter exam, and hisoka is applicant #44. kurapika is #404. i didn’t notice it at first, but this was so intentional holy shit. togashi is NOT SUBTLE.

  So pika & hisoka are, right off the bat, associated with death. okay. and then there are even more clues to drive the point home: hisoka is member #4 in the phantom troupe, kurapika’s birthday is april 4th (aka 4/4). 100% not a coincidence (!!). with hisoka, it’s pretty obvious why togashi’s throwing all this death 444444 stuff around - dude is a psycho murder pedo clown, literally gets off on killing people (and there’s also the fact that judas sits 4th from the left in the last supper painting, and he’s sort of the judas equivalent for the phantom troupe). with kurapika, though, it’s a bit more subtle and woven deeper into his characterization, which i LOVE. togashi puts the mans in blue & gold & white (traditionally ‘pure’ or ‘heavenly’ colors), makes him so fucking kind & so good-hearted.....when he’s not relentlessly pursuing his revenge, ofc. more on this in the next section, but pika = death. togashi has made that v v v clear.

  Backtracking a bit to hisoka, though, I also just wanted to point out the 4 is death symbolism in the fortunes too (GOD i love the fortunes): in one translation, he’s the false fourth moon, and in the og japanese (i think), he’s the false hare (4th in the lunar zodiac or w/e it’s called. i don’t know the japanese cultural influences here, but in the chinese legend that established the zodiac animals, they race across the heavenly river & the top 12 animals got zodiac slots. the hare finished 4th, so it’s #4 in the cycle). 

  And just as a final note, Tserriednich is the fourth prince of the kakin empire, and also another dude who has a hard-on for murder & other gory shit. again: togashi is not subtle with this, lmfao

✶ 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘, 𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘   As probably everyone who’s gotten to yorknew knows, togashi is so 0 fucks given when he wants to be. I mean there’s the whole thing where he just. took New York and decided, Yorknew. LMFAO, but also, he made the main antag of that arc be named chrollo lucilfer, sit around in a ruined church, have a reversed cross coat, pale & dark-haired/dark-eyed, generally dressed in dark colors, very terrible murder guy. liiiike......chrollo x devil symbolism game is 1000/10 at this point lmaooo

  And i know absolutely nothing about christianity in general, but pt/kurapika & yorknew arc is just so full of christian imagery/symbolism! one thing that i L O O O O O O V E though is how togashi really blurs the traditional christian-coded good/evil, holy/damned boundaries.

  Back to kurapika: he wears gold and blue, his coloring is very stereotypically ‘angelic’, he’s precious and good and kind. his chains are all about ~judgment~ and ~healing~ - some of the chains are also in literal cross shapes, aren’t they? And the chain dagger in his own heart...the imagery is very startlingly similar to the immaculate heart of mary, where the swords stabbing thru the heart apparently represent seven sorrows. IDK much about this stuff other than the visual similarities; literally had to google ‘daggers through heart christianity?’ to even get the name of that thing LOL. anyway, at first, it seems like togashi establishes him as the ‘angel’, the ‘good’, the ‘holy’ in the angel/devil, good/evil, holy/damned dichotomy between him and chrollo.

  But that’s not the end of the story. his entire storyline is driven by a huuuuuuuge giant desire for vengeance, first of all, and then there’s the scarlet eyes, which canonically are seen as demonic/cursed/what have you (according to one of the movies or smth? where they show pika as a 10 y/o?), and then we also have red eyes in modern culture being associated w pretty much the same thing (vampires, anyone?). the fight scene with uvo has everything in b&w besides the blood on his face & his red eyes & the moon (<<< more fortune foreshadowing & symbolism, i love to see it), and there are tonssss of scenes where he has to suppress his rage. so all of that is obviously not very angelic of him i would say LOL. in fact, what i find super interesting is that the scarlet/red eyes (which are ‘demonic’) is actually the driving factor behind his super powerful nen abilities; this ties in so well with the fortunes & death associations imo! the fortunes call him the ‘death-bringer’ in one translation, or ‘half-angel, half-death’, so that’s one side of pika = red eyes = death, but there’s also the fact that emperor time is literally draining his life force. so pika = death for both himself and others namely the pt, question mark?

  Now for chrollo: togashi’s devil symbolism is EXTREMELY overt with him, but i love the subtler jesus references too. the church thing, obviously, and the st. peters cross which is cuz st peter respected jesus too much & didn’t think he was worthy to die in the same way as him (or something like that, i am the most atheist person in the world & hxh is literally my entire christian education pls) but is also used as an anti-christianity symbol these days. bandit’s secret looks like a bible, lbr, and mans has a cross tattoo.

  Other things beyond visuals - 12 spiders, 12 apostles; hisoka’s betrayal, where member #4 can be thought to correspond to judas sitting 4th from left at last supper. and this miiiiight be a bit of a stretch, but i think the meteor city being the place of origin may also play into the blurred line between angel/devil and holy/damned here; meteors are defined as space rocks that are in earth’s atmosphere, becoming incandescent in the process. meteorites are for the kinds that actually reach the ground. and idk, lucifer was cast out of heaven / sky too right? so i think there might be some subtle fallen angel imagery/symbolism playing into the pt as well

✶ 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒)   Last section yay! i don’t have as much to say about this, besides when i was making chimera ant arc edits & realized that there might have been some subtle gon/meruem parallels???

  So obviously, everyone knows that line killua says to gon - “you are light” - and then i was just remembering that meruem’s name means.... “light that illuminates all” (!!!!). maybe it’s a coincidence, but knowing togashi, i’m leaning towards nahhhh. there HAS TO be some kinda meaning there (!!).

  Going back to the events of the chimera ant arc....ooh boy. let’s see: gon is optimistic & hopeful even in the face of kite potentially being dead, killua says he’s light, they find kite & dude is fucked up, gon is pissed. gets all angry & ~dark~, especially during the palace invasion when he’s staring pitou down as she fixes up komugi. then the actual fight against pitou: more darkness, more anger, but through it all there’s still light, namely his jajanken being very orange & fiery lookin.....and that final sequence, where he puts all his possible nen he’d ever have into his ~final form~ or wahtever & turns into a male version of true form!bisky but dressed in a crop top & short-shorts (i am SCARRED, btw. s c a r r e d !). there’s just huuuge flashes of light as that’s going on, and it reminded me of supernovas or dying stars when i was thinking about it, where the star is like, collapsing under its own weight? & burning thru its own fuel, until there’s nothing left except a dwarf or black hole or what have you. one final, extremely deadly burst of light & energy before death.

  On the meruem side of things: born into a dark cave, exhibits a traditionally evil/cruel/wicked/whatever personality/traits so that has ppl associating him with darkness. then he gets to know komugi, starts to appreciate other aspects of humanity, seems like he could have actually turned into a decent person who doesn’t want to eat everyone - so that’s a ‘path to light’, maybe? - and then the extermination team yeets themselves into the palace, netero takes him out to bumfuck nowhere, they fight. netero’s fighting is just ALL light, from his giant ass golden 100-type guanyin bodhisattva to the poor man’s rose. again, there’s the sense of finality to it all, in a similar vein to dying stars: netero comes in determined to kill meruem no matter what, and we all know netero doesn’t flake. then we see netero get destroyed after the zero hand, and he triggers the rose, and everything is burning & on fire before the flames are put out and all turns dark again.

  But wait!!! pouf & youpi revive meruem and all he does is play gungi with komugi, even with the poison of the rose. he eventually dies, and the gungi pieces in that final shot of them together (i am BAWLING just thinking about it holy shit) has one that’s all white, one that’s a black ring and white inside. i assume all white is for komugi, who has never done ANYTHING wrong in her LIFE, so i like to think that the 2nd one is for meruem - born “into darkness”, literally & figuratively, but he turns something like ‘good’ by the end. it’s interesting how togashi has sort of gone for a bit of a subversion here: the hero going from light to darkness, and the main antag from darkness to light.

✶ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍   AahhhhHHHHHhhh so if you read all the way down here through my LONG rambles, tysm! i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear what other people think about all this, and i’ve FOR SURE missed tons and tons of stuff - chimera ants is just. SO MUCH. and i don’t know it as well as yorknew eeek.

  I’m not sure if i’m really ~knowledgeable~ in any other areas relating to hxh, so this might be the only one of these that i do, but i definitely think about some of this - esp all the religious symbolism & #4 stuff - a ton! so in the meantime, if it’s of any interest, i’m just going to shamelessly plug my hxh x religious beliefs/superstitions edit series :D lots of love to all!!!

[builder051]

Oh, and a note (for all our sakes)

APRIL is "We fit like an Enfit" month!

I am going to do my best to discipline myself (sounds harsh, but that's kind of what needs to happen) to stick to a writing/activity schedule that has a starting and ending time for a session each day, or, at least most days.

Remember--

You are all free to send in general Qs (Real life stuff: about tube feeding, chronic illnesses, caretaking for someone with a tube, what anything feels/looks, the surgical process for anything tube-related)

And/or fictional stuff: (Steve's journey from separation from James --> ill --> diagnosed --> tubie (N/J, then jejunostomy) --> reconciliation with James --> colectomy --> what got better vs. what's still glitchy & related care needs --> G-tube placement--> what's better and what isn't/ won't ever be --> James's care needs --> Alpine (hate to love him, love to hate him, but he's really the best cat in the world)).

A lot of the fictional stuff will be filled in as I write out the fics (I'm seeing 5 of 6-ish middle length --1000k-ish) pieces, as just a general guess. Everything medical will be accurate to a T. Most of it is based on my illness/surgery journey, though tweaks will be made for better storytelling, reduction in revealing too much PII, and highlighting the parts of the story you guys are probably more interested in whilst backing down or time-skipping on some of the more boring stuff--

like waiting/complaining in an ER bed parked in the hallway for so long that they actually applied dilaudid (morphine?) smth heavy-sleepy to make me shut up until they could get me into a private exam room--all of this being b/c the docs in charge thought I was having complications from a laparoscopic "yanking it all out from the bottom" surgery and they wanted to protect my modesty. I was actually vomiting repeatedly because my stomach and colon has chatted to each other that this time--while I was healing from that surgery--was a grand time to up and quit working. That's not going to be a Steve thing, so enjoy this moment of oversharing, and don't expect to hear it dramatized again.

Everything I put up during the month will be original "Tube 'verse" content, which I will attempt to place in the correct spot on the existing timeline.

Starbucks Sundays are OF COURSE exceptions, and I'll most likely play classic so I can cover as much of what you're interested in as I can. :)

[stardstgf]

Hey! Just wanted to tell you that I really love your writing, because you capture Amelia so perfectly..

You also seem like a really cool person and I really felt your post about queer spaces.. don’t listen to the anons, you‘re perfectly valid in feeling that way and some people just seem to get offended by everything!

I hope you have a great evening / day 💞

Hi! Thank you so much for this u made my evening<3💗💗honoured that u enjoy my writing!

And thank u for the second part too- existing in queer spaces and with other queer ppl and that feeling of safety and comfort is smth that has been on my mind a Lot today (fell down an er fightmaster rabbit hole of podcasts and interviews). It’s also smth I genuinely enjoy talking about, esp bc I feel like I’m sort of processing and turning over a lot of it in my head atm

Hope ur day / evening goes well too😌<3 sm love