#my pre-merlin fics are...questionable to say the least

[medium-bloodcrafter-scion]

WHY DOESN'T NATASIA VISIT /TRY TO RESCUE SEL? : A Theory Spiral

The problem with having huge gaps of time between books is that my imagination goes haywire and starts filling in the gaps with all sorts of theories, from the plausible right down to the completely ridiculous.

I've been so gripped by Natasia's story in LB Cycle and am writing a fic (editing it currently, may or may not post, will see 😊) focusing on conversations between Natasia and Sel during his "curing" process.

So with my mind on the Natasia Kane Train, here's my compilation of theories (yes some are ridiculous) explaining why she never tries to connect with her own son.

1. She's wracked by guilt and regret and other complicated feelings so doesn't bother.

3. She's accepted that he "belongs" to the Order and trying to connect with him would only bring up questions that would endanger both of them (most plausible one I feel). Knowing Sel, he'd probably assume Natasia was a demon and try to kill her (pre- LB discovery).

4. She shapeshiftts into a crow/pigeon/squirrel and watches him from afar throughout his life.

5. She secretly falls pregnant with Erebus' baby #2 just before her escape and can't risk too much contact with the outside world, except to occasionally visit Faye, who knows about the secret child.

6. Erebus warns her that if she tries to contact Sel, he won't try to keep her off the Order's radar so she concludes it's too risky.

Side theory: Natasia has been really careful to avoid being caught. That being the case, did she deliberately mesmer Bree at the hospital, knowing that she would have inherited her mother's ability to break mesmer and hoping that Bree may dig deeper to find out what was going on? Or was it just a slip up?

7. Something horrible happens to Natasia if she tries to see Sel. Like some kind of Oath /curse situation. Sel being brought to her, however, doesn't trigger it because technically she didn't break it (we've seen how Oaths are really sensitive to technicalities).

8. Lastly, she just doesn't care. I sincerely hope this isn't the case, because poor Sel really deserves a break :(.

We can see him grappling with this possibility in BM when he bitterly says his mother "only makes special appearances for you (Bree) and your mother." Maybe I'm optimistic, but the "Natasia doesn't care" theory doesn't seem plausible to me because from our brief glimpses her, it's implied that she's at the very least more empathetic than most Merlins (she befriends a Rootcrafter!) so I can't imagine her completely not caring that she has a son running around somewhere, even if she can't /won't reach out to him for various reasons.

Anyways that's where my mind is at.

[meggie-stardust]

20 Questions for fic Writers!

Tagging myself via @lucky-bishop because I'm half bored, half a bit loopy on benadryl... And same suggestion; if anyone else wants to do this, say I tagged you <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 73?! Wow that surprised me.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 403,636

3. What fandoms do you write for? These days, mostly Teen Wolf, but I've written a lot for Merlin, Percy Jackson, BBC Sherlock, Gundam Wing, and assorted others over the years.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. Acts of Man (Merlin/Arthur, Merlin): On the morning of their Annual pre-Christmas Dinner, Merlin is shocked to find out that Gwen thinks his boyfriend, Arthur, isn't good enough. But after a glimpse into Merlin's quirky flat, Gwen realizes that she might not have the whole story. 2. Nightmares (Jason/Percy, PJO): Percy feels lost and alone after returning from Tarartus. And if that's not bad enough, he can't sleep without having horrifying nightmares. Luckily for Percy, Jason is the one person not avoiding him, and the one person that has offered to help. 3. Looking for the Thing We Lost (Stiles/Peter, Teen Wolf): But the thing is that Stiles had already been forgotten by everyone. 4. Here I Am (Stuck in the Middle With You) (Jason/Percy, PJO): Percy and Jason's mission gets derailed when they find themselves trapped in a room with no way out. Luckily, they find a way to pass the time… 5. Know How A Man Becomes a Beast (Stiles/Peter, Teen Wolf): Peter took a steadying breath and stepped into room. He held up his hands and walked forward slowly, the way he would approach any wild animal. “Stiles. It’s gonna be ok.”

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes, I try to, even it take a while -- at least on my newer fics. I haven't gone back to things from like 10 years ago to reply to old comments that I missed, but I try to keep up. I want people to know I appreciate the time they've taken to read and react to my fic, and you never know if you're going to connect with someone new and make a new fandom friend.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Give Me Pure Energy (Stiles/Peter): the alternative season 2 where Stiles craves some normalcy and befriends a new kid in his econ class, only to realize that maybe they both want more from each other than just a simple friendship. This is a super darkfic anyway, and has the kind of ending that's happy only if you're ok with all the awful things that Peter does during the fic... but generally, I like my angst with a happy ending so this is the best I can do.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Oh gosh, so many of my fics have happy endings... that's how I like em... uhhh. I'm going to go with one of my all time favorites:

Stuck Between Stations (Stiles/Peter): the one where Peter and Stiles are stuck in a time-loop inside The Wild Hunt.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have been so lucky to not get much hate. If people are talking about my work behind my back, it's not getting back to me. And aside from an odd comment or two, I've gotten through about 20 years of fandom without having to deal with random hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. I've written m/m, m/f, f/f, and, I think an m/m/f once... but I'm into all sorts of things and have fun writing about it

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I have in the past; a Harry Potter/BBC Sherlock x-over that got abandoned. I've also done a few prompt challenges that lead to crossovers/fusions like SPN meets MJN Air, etc.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? god, I hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, I have been so lucky to have a few of my fics translated into different languages. It's always such an honor, and I give full permission for people to translate my work as long as they connect it back to mine on AO3.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have but it's been ages. And I think there may be someone *cough*@punchedbymarkesmith*cough* that would be great to collaborate with if an opportunity presented itself...

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Steter it would seem. I've been reading and writing it since 2016...!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I fully intend to finish It's Only Forever, but I've used some of the ideas for it in other things, so I know it will be hard to get back into where I was going with it. I don't want to abandon it, but it's been a few years... le sigh.

16. What are your writing strengths? I think I'm pretty good with dialogue, especially banter. I think I'm also great at taking a small detail from canon and using that to world build something different.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Oh, that's easy: action and mystery. I really wish I could write a good casefic or mystery plot, and I just can't. I have to distract and misdirect at the end... I have to do the same with the action, too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I don't trust myself. I might confer with someone who speaks that language if it was really needed, but I would probably do something like:

"Wow, I can't believe you survived that helicopter crash," he said in Spanish.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Gundam Wing, followed my Newsies and Harry Potter.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? I already gave a call out to Stuck Between Stations above, so I'm going to have to go with:

At This Truth We Have Arrived (Stiles/Peter): Five years after the death of Laura, Peter returns to Beacon Hills only to be confronted by the truth that the pack has moved on without him. But the fact that everything he once knew has changed isn't necessarily a bad thing; not when there is someone like Stiles who is so full of possibilities.

OR as my WIP notes for this fic say: "Peter is curious. They do something. Murder murder. Sex sex."

[merlinbingo]

It's the end of the year, and here Peach is, sneaking in just under the wire with the November round up. Sorry it’s so late, and I will do my very best to do better next year...

As always happens at the end of these things, we got a truly mind-blowing number of fills in November - 99 of them, to be exact, created by 20 fantabulous participants! 79 were fics, 11 artworks, five reclists and one moodboard, one gifset, one playlist and one digital 3D model, which is another entirely new format for us (and, can I just say, I love and adore how willing you all are to try new things).

We also got the largest array of foreground ships we’ve seen since February, with 15 different ships (in addition to the 21 gen works you submitted). Merlin/Arthur are obviously top of the list with 50, Merlin/Lancelot a very respectable second with 10, Gwen/Morgana at four and both Arthur/Gwen and Merlin/Freya with two fills each, plus ten additional ships with only one fill each.

And now, obviously, the think you’re actually here for: the round up! As always, you’ll find the November fills below the cut, sorted by ship and then by rating, and we encourage you to check the ratings and warnings before clicking on any of those links.

For now, I bid you adieu, at least until just after midnight when I’ll be back with the round three sign up post!!!

Gen/no ships

A Rising Sky by thefollow-spot Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Canon Divergence - Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Arthur Pendragon Lives (Merlin), One Shot, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Canon-Typical Homoeroticism Summary: "Arthur’s hair was cooling-wet: a combination of sweat, the morning air, and the lake water. Merlin reached out a shaking hand and brushed it off Arthur’s forehead with his thumb. His touch was like every one before it." | Finale AU; Arthur lives. Canon-typical homoeroticism ensues.

Modern Merlin by TyalanganD Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Art, portrait, haircut Summary: Modern Merlin with longer hair.

Truth in Light by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Friendship, Magic, A bit of angst, Looking out for eachother, Secrets Revealed Summary: Lancelot is a little worse for wear after a night out at the tavern. In his drunken state he marvels in awe at Merlin's magic, but inadvertently reveals a secret of his own...

Forgiveness by Stelle Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: lancelot, digital art Summary:

Clumsy Merlin by mithian Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Summary:

Arthur by Stelle Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: 3D model, Arthur Summary:

brittle parchment, scattered truth by queerofthedagger Rating: General audiences Warnings: Major character death Major tags: Pre-Canon, Post-Canon, Epistolary, Angst Summary: Five letters Queen Ygraine wrote to her son, and one letter that was written in response.

Merlin in Winter by TyalanganD Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Art, Portrait, Winter, Modern AU Summary: Modern Merlin likes wearing earmuffs in winter.

Charcoal Rain by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Fluff, mother-son relationship, child Merlin, Hunith POV, learning to read and write Summary: Hunith is determined to teach six-year-old Merlin to read and write, but as is often the case with her magical child, things don’t quite go as to plan. Fluff in which Hunith discovers Merlin’s magical photocopying ability, amongst other things.

What Cane To Pass by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Dragonlord Merlin, Post Canon, Confronting Kilgharrah, Merlin has Questions Summary: "I failed?" "No, Young Warlock, for all that you have dreamed of building has come to pass." The words of the Great Dragon have rung in the mind of the Dragonlord ever since that day at the Lake of Avalon. But what did they mean? For there was one thing that was certain; all he'd dreamed of building had NOT come to pass. Or, Merlin calls Kilgharrah one more time, and wants answers

Sleeping Spells by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Accidental Magic, fluff, angst, sleep magic, dreams and nightmares Summary: Merlin has a problem - his dreams are coming true, literally. It all started after eating some of Gwaine's special mushrooms. Gaius is at a loss for a cure, which is all very well while Merlin dreams of flowers and butterflies. It's when Merlin has nightmares that the real problems begin.

One of Three by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Post-canon, angst, destiny, grief, courage strength and magic Summary: In the months after Camlann, Merlin discovers everything he'd assumed about destiny had been wrong. Destiny had never relied on a two-sided coin, but a three-pointed triad. And Merlin had failed to see it.

A Warm Fire by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Child Merlin, Winter, Mother and Son, Magical 3 Year Old, Fluff and Warmth Summary: As a winter storm rages, Hunith is confined at home with three-year-old Merlin, and the firewood has run out. Merlin is cold, and decides to take matters into his own hands.

Just a Nudge by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: S1 Ep3 Mark of Nimueh, Merlin’s Magic Confession, Afanc episode, Arthur Suspicious Summary: Arthur’s idiot servant Merlin had tried to confess to the magic which healed Gwen’s father. Arthur had first thought Merlin had made it up to save Gwen - but now, with the confession replaying over on his mind, he’s having doubts about his earlier conviction. Had Merlin really been lying?

BBC Goncharov: A Fandom Still Thriving by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Goncharov, Paralells, Article, Imagines future, Goncharov as Arthurian-like legends Summary: Fictional article from the future about 'BBC Goncharov', drawing parallels with BBC Merlin

The Secret Handshake by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Yuletide fluff, Left-handed handshakes, confused Merlin and Arthur, Good Morgana, Season 3 or 4 canon divergent Summary: It's the yuletide celebration, and this year guests are attending from all over the kingdom. There's one thing unusual though. Several of the guests are not only shaking hands with the King upon arrival, but with Merlin too... and they're shaking his hand backwards. Merlin can't fathom why, so Morgana goes off to seek answers.

Under a Headgerow by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Child Mordred, Found Child, Protective Arthur, Series 1 canon divergent, Mordred never reached camelot with Cerdan, Summary: Merlin and Arthur return from a hunt and find a young boy, frightened and alone. They bring him back to Camelot to see Gaius.

Anhora' Fic Recs by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Anhora, The Unicorn Guy, Gen Fics, Reclist Summary: Gen fic rec list for the character 'Anhora'

Since Avalon by queerofthedagger Rating: Teen Warnings: Major character death Major tags: Post-Camlann, Grief/Mourning, Reconciliation, Angst Summary: Merlin knows when Kilgharrah dies.

Sweet Child in Time by TyalanganD Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply, Angst Major tags: Canon divergence, Arthur finds out, angst, memory magic Summary: Arthur finds out about Merlin's magic. And then he finds out again. And again. And again...

Torn Threads by Skydragon05 Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Danger, holes in space-time, BAMF Magic, Arthur knows about Merlin’s magic, trying to save the world Summary: Arthur could not see the loose threads flailing and lashing at the edge of the rip, nor feel the evil dark force that lay behind it, straining against Merlin’s hold. He’d seen the effects of it though, the destruction. || Merlin must use all his skill and power to mend a hole in space, Arthur is annoyed he can’t help.

Gwen/Morgana

pancakes by kairennart Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: digital art, fluff Summary:

mermaid au by kairennart Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: digital art, pirate gwen, mermaid morgana Summary:

I slithered here from Eden (Just to sit outside your door) by Camelots_Daffodil Rating: Teen Warnings: Choose not to use archive warnings Major tags: Past relationship, POV Morgana, Set between Season 4 & 5, flashbacks Summary: While she's imprisoned with Aithusa by the Sarrum of Amarta, Morgana dreams only of Gwen.

Mommy kink rec list by MerthurAllure Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Rec List, Smut, Mommy Kink Summary: A short rec list of fics with mommy kink

Gwen/Lancelot

Caught by a thunderstorm by Laevateinn Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Canon compliant (kinda), Canon Era, Thunderstorm, Lancelot hates thunderstorms Summary: Gwen and Lancelot, on their way back to Camelot, get caught in a thunderstorm. They take refuge inside a semi abandoned shack, but have nothing to do to pass the time.

Gwaine/Mithian

How Quickly Things Change by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Loneliness, hurt/comfort, laughter, masking, path not taken Summary: Gwaine is one of the knights escorting Princess Mithian on her return journey to Nemeth, after her betrothal to King Arthur has fallen through. When Gwaine finds her sitting alone by the fire lost in thought, he brings her some much needed laughter. He also finds himself offering a shoulder to lean on, as she shares with him her feelings on everything that’s happened.

Merlin/Morgana

Somewhere That's Ours by mithian Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Magic Revealed, Getting Together, Kissing Summary: Merlin and Morgana discover secrets about each other.

Morgana/Mordred

Steal My Breath And Use My Body by MerthurAllure Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/non-con Major tags: Extremely Dubious Consent, Sex Slave, Choking Summary: Morgana chains Mordred up and uses him for pleasure

Merlin/Freya

Songbird's Call by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Emotional Hutr/Comfort, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hopeful Ending Summary: After the pain of Freya's death, Merlin meets with Lancelot, who offers comfort and a shoulder to lean on, as well as some words of advice.

To Be Loved by mithian Rating: Not rated Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Summary: A Freya/Merlin playlist

Arthur/Gwen

oblivious to lovers by kairennart Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: oblivious arthur, humor, digital art Summary:

Fabulous Feathers by Skydragon05 Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Fluff, Humour, Mornings, Golden Age, Merlin has a box of surprises Summary: It's early morning and Gwen wants a lie in. Her children have different ideas, theyre wide awake and they've been raiding Uncle Merlin's Box of Surprises.

Isolde/Lancelot/Tristan

Muddy Waters by dorochas (stanzas) Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Canon Divergence Summary: “He’s moping,” Isolde announced, pulling off the straps connecting her muddy armor and sending it clattering to the floor. “I think he missed us this morning, Sir Lancelot. You know how he loves cuddling—”

Merlin/Arthur/Morgana

Third Wheeling by MerthurAllure Rating: Explicit Warnings: Incest Major tags: PWP, Threesome, Drabble Summary: Arthur and Morgana have some fun while Merlin thoroughly enjoys the show

Arthur/Percival

Don’t Make Me Wait by MerthurAllure Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: PWP, Semi-Public Sex, Oral Sex, Modern Era Summary: Percy and Arthur have a relaxing morning at the park. It’s a good thing no one else is around.

Percival/Merlin

Bring Me a Dream by MerthurAllure Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: PWP, Wet Dream, Coming Untouched Summary: Merlin has a wet dream

Gwaine/Percival

On the Wings of Error by chaosgenes Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Modern Alternate Universe - Gods, Getting Together, Love at First Sight Summary: Gwaine is cupid incarnate and tries to complete his 100th happy couple mission, which is to set up Arthur and Gwen together. Percy, incarnate to the god of war, doesn't make it easy for him.

Merlin/Gwaine

Memories by Stelle Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Merwaine, Merlin Fanart Summary:

Merlin/Lancelot

wounds by kairennart Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: digital art, wound bandaging, blood Summary:

Remember My Love by mithian Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Canon era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Establish Relationship, Lancelot's POV Summary: Lancelot comforts Merlin when he's feeling bad about his magic.

The Accidental Date by mithian Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Misunderstandings, Coffee Shop AU, Modern era, Humor, Getting Together Summary: Merlin thinks it's a date, Lancelot thinks it's a job interview. It should be a disaster but love has started in stranger ways.

You Feel Like Home by mithian Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: University AU, Modern era, Roommates, Modern with Magic, Friends to Lovers Summary: Merlin tries to find answers about his magic at Camelot University. Luckily his roommate Lancelot is there to help him.

Vampire fic by kairennart Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence Major tags: vampire au, canon era, enemies to lovers Summary:

Merlin/Arthur

A bit unwell by Castilian Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Sick Arthur Summary: Arthur feels very tired after being sick.

Forgiveness (is a nice thing to do) by heartsocold Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: modern setting, established relationship, fluff, hurt/comfort, forgiveness Summary: “You don’t like her, do you?” Arthur asks after they’ve been quiet for a while. “Fine. No, I don’t,” Merlin replies unapologetically. “I get that she’s your sister and you love her and I appreciate everything she’s done for you and Lily. I’m glad that you have her back now and that the kids get another aunt but I can’t forgive her for hurting you or Lily. Maybe one day I’ll be able to move past it but right now I want to wring her fucking neck every time I think about her.”

Angst is coming by TyalanganD Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Arthur returns, angst, hallucination Summary: Arthur has finally returned, but Merlin can't adjust.

Handfasting by Stelle Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Merthur, digital art Summary: Merlin and Arthur's marriage in Celtic ceremony

Reincarnated by Stelle Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: merthur, digital art Summary: Merlin and Arthur remember their previous life during a school trip to old Camelot castle.

"I wanna" is enough. (No need to justify) by 50quid Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Childhood Friends, School Plays, Friends to Mutual Crushes Summary:

thumbtack down by 50quid Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: AU - Canon Divergence, Parents Merthur, Light Bickering Summary:

Adaptation by RansomNoteworthy Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Awkward Flirting, Books, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Bookstore Summary: Working at the bookstore can be boring at times, but Merlin and Gwen have a fit new customer keeping them distracted. Is he there for the books? Is he there for one of them? Is he a figment of their imagination? The owner, Gaius, doesn’t actually care, but he suggests a staff favorites board at the till, because if their new favorite customer repeatedly buys one person’s recommendations, well, maybe it’s a sign of affection and shared interests? And either way, at least then they’ll “be making sales, people, get back to work already!”

Order Up by RansomNoteworthy Rating: General audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Flirting, Oblivious Summary: Merlin's new at the coffee shop, Arthur's new at feeling out of his depth, and Gwen's an old hand at dealing with aggravating people, customers and coworkers alike.

Squeaky and Fluffy by TyalanganD Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply, Past abuse Major tags: Modern AU, Toys, Fluff and humor, slice of life Summary: Merlin keeps squeaky toys in bed, because apparently, he's a dog. But Arthur loves him anyway.

Relax by Castilian Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship Summary: Arthur is nervous, Merlin is there to help him relax.

Alternatively, The Future is not set in Stone by royal_spud Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Canon era, secret siblings and evil twins, prophecy, kid Mordred, worried Merlin Summary: Once upon a time, Merlin believed his future was one that had already been dictated. That had been until Arthur had shown him it wasn't, that he had a life of his own creation to look forward to. And all was good and well. But now, Morgana was asking to take Mordred into her care. Mordred who everyone thought was his little brother, Mordred who was under his care and his watchful eye, Merlin, who once had been destined to kill Arthur, who was now more than infatuated with the little kid. It leaves Merlin to wonder what he'd chosen to believe... If after all, the future was set in stone.

Please take care of me (and shut me up) by TyalanganD Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Modern AU, babysitting, humor, getting together Summary: Life is so unfair. The moment Merlin moves out of his family home, his parents hire a hot babysitter. But Merlin has a plan.

Insult to Injury by queerofthedagger Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Canon Divergence, Post The Darkest Hour, Secret Siblings/Evil Twins, Merlin's Magic Revealed Summary: On a grief-soaked day in November, Arthur reveals that he knows of Merlin's secret. Except. If only it were that easy.

Love in a Time of Dragons (Chapter 1) by Camelots_Daffodil Rating: Teen Warnings: Choose not to use archive warnings Major tags: Post Canon, Angst, Dragonlord!Merlin, Immortal!Merlin Summary: After Merlin loses everything, he needs to find something new to live for, at least for the time being. The thing? Dragons.

This is a love story by TyalanganD Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Modern AU, getting back together, post-breakup, asexuality Summary: Five years ago, Merlin and Arthur broke up. After all, one is supposed to enjoy sex with people one loves - and Merlin couldn't. Now, they bump into each other in a coffee shop. This totally is a love story. Only, not the one you'd think.

I've got you (under my skin) by Sage_Owl Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Kidnapping, canon divergence, Arthur knows about Merlin's magic, Established Relationship, Merlin is so done. Summary: Merlin and Arthur get kidnapped, again. Merlin's rather sick of it.

turns to dust by Sage_Owl Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Alternte universe -1930s, Dust bowl, secret relationship, alternate universe- farmers/ranch Summary: Arthur and Merlin are both trying to escape something. Can they find a way out together?

A Pawn No Longer by Sage_Owl Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Redeemed Morgana, Canon divergence, Morgana's magic revealed, Arthur knows about Merlin's magic, established relationship Summary: The throne room smells like smoke and blood, and there is a vial in Merlin’s pocket that he refuses to touch.

Merlin Emrys' Values by TyalanganD Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply, Creepy dark comedy Major tags: Addams Family Fusion, Creepy fluff, asexuality Summary: Since Merlin and Arthur got together, they’ve been experimenting a lot. There was the guillotine and the electric chair in the attic, and the ring of fire in the basement. There was also some cuddling and kissing. But there wasn’t much sex, to be quite honest.

Camelot's Conniving Cloak Crook by Sage_Owl Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Arthur knows about Merlin's magic, comfort, canon era, established relationship, King Arthur Pendragon Summary: Arthur's day begins badly, and only gets worse. Where on earth is his cloak? And more importantly, Merlin?

Shades of Blue by mithian Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Teachers AU, Arthur teaches science, Merlin teaches art, Painting, Kissing Summary: Arthur’s never seen Merlin paint before, and now he can’t take his eyes off him.

Goodnight, Stars by Sage_Owl Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Teenagers, Circus AU, Acrobatics, First Kiss, Modern Era Summary: Merlin's having trouble with a trick. Arthur ends up being more distracting than helpful.

From M to A by TyalanganD Rating: Teen Warnings: Self-harm (not graphic) Major tags: Modern AU, soulmates, role reversal, angst with a happy ending Summary: In a world where people bear marks with the first letter of their soulmates' names, Merlin, a talented artist, tries to find happiness and fulfill his mother's expectations. It's way harder than he thinks. And then, life kicks him in the butt.

Dragon's Legacy by Zaharya Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Dragon!Merlin, Hurt Merlin, Protective Arthur, Hurt/Comfort Summary: When Arthur against all odds manages to mortally wound the dragon, Kilgharrah bestows his magic unto Merlin in an attempt to save his kind.

Rumor Has It by RansomNoteworthy Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Misunderstandings, Awkward Conversations, Coming Out, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers Summary: Arthur hasn't met all of Morgana's new friends at college, but he's especially suspicious about this new guy he's heard is dating Gwen. That's nothing a few conversations can't clear up-- or make much more complicated. After talk of OnlyFans accounts, and discussions 'through the closet door,' how will it all shake out?

Message Not Received by RansomNoteworthy Rating: Teen Warnings: Choose not to use archive warnings Major tags: Feelings Realization, Protective Merlin, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Angst with a Happy Ending, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers Summary: Hospital coworkers Arthur and Merlin are best friends now, however that happened, and nothing can come between them: Except maybe a car accident, a coma, and a whole bunch of uncovered secrets and realizations.

Buried Within Us (I Love You So) by Mischel Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Summary: When Arthur asks Merlin to let him feel his magic, Merlin's magic decides to do its own thing and let Arthur know just how much he's loved.

Edge of Our Seats by RansomNoteworthy Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Near Death Experiences, Confessions, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Airplanes Summary: Bandmates Merlin and Arthur have had a million conversations over the years, but there's a few things they never had the time or the nerve to say to each other. A near-death experience is as good a time as any to finally say what they mean.

Fix-it' fics rec list - Merlin BBC by Laevateinn Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Rec list, fix-it, episode coda, post canon, gen and Merthur Summary: Rec list of fix-it fics!

You're My Escape by mithian Rating: Teen Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Canon divergent, Living Together, There's Only One Bed, Magic Reveal, Getting Together Summary: Merlin and Arthur flee Camelot to live in a cottage in the woods together.

A Heart is Made to Ache, Break and Heal by royal_spud Rating: Mature Warnings: Major character death Major tags: Unhinged Merlin, unrequited love, magic reveal, hopeful ending, heartbreak Summary: Merlin's always been the kindest among them, barely able to stand the sight of a dead rabbit. He despised violence and loathed hunting. And flinched at the sound of clanging metal. But when a sorcerer snatches the king and his knights from their bedchambers one calm night, and forces them all to watch him as he rampaged everything and everyone in his way as he searched of them, well kept secrets come spilling out; leaving them to wonder just how well they knew who Merlin was. If he was the same person who smiled as bright as the sun and sung to himself and made flower crowns. The person they'd known, and adored, and some had even grown to love. Or if he was someone else entirely.

Everything is just fine by TyalanganD Rating: Mature Warnings: Rape/non-con Major tags: Merlin and Arthur are together, and when one day, Merlin agrees for them to take things a bit further, his body suddenly reacts in an unexpected way. And then, past trauma comes to the surface. Summary:

The Labour of Love by TyalanganD Rating: Mature Warnings: No archive warnings apply, Non-graphic violence, injury Major tags: Greek Mythology, Hurt Arthur, Injury, star-crossed Summary: When Arthur is tasked with a labour of killing the Lernean Hydra, he meets a beautiful youth: Merlin.

As We Know It by Sage_Owl Rating: Mature Warnings: Major character death Major tags: End of the world, reincarnation, hopeful ending, gentle sex, short one shot Summary: Merlin and Arthur find themselves at the end of the world. Again.

You Are A Scar by MerthurAllure Rating: Mature Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: High School, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, First Kiss Summary: Merlin’s life suddenly gets a lot better.

Transforming by TyalanganD Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Modern AU, Trans Merlin, Exhibitionism Summary: The evening starts with Merlin noticing new changes happening to his body - and ends with something steamy.

BDSM rec list by MerthurAllure Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose not to use archive warnings Major tags: Bdsm, Rec List, Kink Exploration, Painplay, Gun Kink Summary: A rec list of bdsm fics

Model Behavior by Sage_Owl Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Photoshoots, glasses, first meetings, masturbation, models Summary: Arthur does a favor for Gwaine, and meets Merlin. Things escalate from there.

And You Love It by TyalanganD Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Canon Era, PWP, Topping from the bottom, rough sex Summary: Merlin is evil. He always demands for Arthur to fuck him in the most inopportune moments. Like, during a Round Table meeting.

I cannot stand the way you tease by Sage_Owl Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Pornstars, Modern Era, Fingering, Roommates, Secret Identity Summary: Merlin's supposed to be meeting a new flatmate today, but his latest obsession, Fitzroy, just posted a new video. Surely nothing will go wrong if he watches for a little while...

Can't help but stare by Sage_Owl Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Pornstars, voyeurism, masturbation, roommates, sex toys Summary: Merlin's flatmate, Arthur, puts on a show. Merlin decides to stay and watch.

Nice Tailpipe [Mood Board] by MerthurAllure Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Mood Board, Nsfw, Car Sex Summary: a mood board about arthur and his car kink (and his boyfriend who really can’t complain)

The Narcissist’s Thirst Trap by MerthurAllure Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Social Media AU, PWP, Epistolary, Video Chat Sex Summary: Arthur Pendragon is an up and coming actor. He wouldn’t consider himself a famous celebrity by any means, but he has quite a few dedicated fans. One of which happens to run a thirst blog all about him.

Now that I've got you (I won't let you go) by Sage_Owl Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Pornstars, light angst, bottoming from the top, bottom Arthur Pendragon, getting together Summary: Arthur's finally got Merlin where he wants him. But how will things end?

Like A Tidal Wave by Sage_Owl Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Friends to lovers, skinny dipping, beach sex, teenagers, modern era Summary: Arthur's never been able to say no to Merlin, about anything. Not even at 1am.

Still I Surface in Morning Light by queerofthedagger Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: An attack gone wrong leaves Merlin and Arthur stuck in each other's bodies. While Merlin thinks the most complicated part is that Arthur ends up with his magic, it does not take long until he is reminded that it can always, always get worse. Summary:

gentle bite by queerofthedagger Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Dom/sub, Porn without Plot, Spanking, Praise Kink Summary: Impact; count out loud; rush of gold and warmth.

Mine (pronoun; possessive) by queerofthedagger Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Possessive Merlin, Porn with Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort Summary: Arthur is used to how everyone treats the body of a prince as something not entirely his own; Merlin decides to do something about it.

Epistolary rec list by MerthurAllure Rating: Explicit Warnings: No archive warnings apply Major tags: Rec List, Epistolary Summary: A rec list of epistolary fics

[lit-in-thy-heart]

thanks for the tag @zoingfandom and @donttouchtheneednoggle <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 22 works on ao3, with the first posted in may 2020

What’s your total AO3 word count?

maths my unbeloved...my total word count is 262,549. i think. i don’t want to have to double-check that so i’m going with it.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

on ao3, it’s just merlin. i am still on another site (though now basically inactive) where i wrote a lot of marvel fics, a few harry potter ones and the odd simon snow/carry on fic with a little of shadowhunters. oh, and a httyd one. but that was before merlin once again got its wonderful claws in me.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

exile (190)

open wounds (157)

surprise attack (140)

the hearts of men (111)

forget-me-nots (92)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i do try to respond to comments! even if it is just to thank someone for taking the time to read and talk about the fic. and sometimes if they’ve picked something out that they liked i usually take that as an indicator to continue talking about the fic :D

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ooohh! most of them have an ambiguous ending or semi-happy because i need the comfort but i do distinctly remember being yelled at in the comments for the ending of marigolds so i would say that one! i’d also say that don’t stay in my sleep is less hopeful than most of my other fics...

Do you write crossovers? if so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i have not written any crossovers and i probably won’t. i don’t have any planned, at least. do have many aus though!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i don’t think so? i did get a comment saying that one fic felt unrealistic in places and didn’t quite flow well, but i think that’s been the extent of it

Do you write smut? if so what kind?

i do not write smut. i make a lot of dick jokes and sex references, but i’ve never gone all the way when writing it (and even when i’ve thought i have, i have been informed that i have, in fact, not). i’m not sure if i ever will, mainly because i much prefer writing hugs and casual touches outside of a smut setting

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge, no

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have co-written a harry potter one before but, in terms of merlin, only this one with neednoggle and the knife thrower elyan/pirate gwaine au (the piercings are an integral part of that fic you can absolutely claim co-authorship 🤣). a lot of fics have been inspired heavily by some of my mutuals, though, so i don’t know if that counts as co-writing...?

What’s your all time favorite ship?

i mean, i can’t have my pfp and not say merwaincelot, can i?

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

*opens google docs* man, this is a graveyard and a half. i have a perelyainecelotlin wip from april that has barely been touched, so i would probably say that one. i’ll probably absorb some of the ideas for other fics, but i might have to pen a different fic for that ship...

What are your writing strengths?

i’d probably say description and the imagery used in that? i just like similes, okay?

What are your writing weaknesses?

action. in terms of devising a plot, too, but mainly actually writing action like combat scenes and stuff. it feels very wooden a lot of the time, which is something i did struggle with in mortality clings to butterfly wings (though staying up very late to finish the chapter probably did not help self-belief lol) but i’m trying to get better with it

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing that! especially in the merlin fandom, where a lot of the spells are not in modern english

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

time of posting: how to train your dragon. time of writing: harry potter.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

i know i don’t shut up about it, but mortality clings to butterfly wings. i just really enjoyed exploring the dynamics and camelot itself after camlann and had so much fun messing with the symbolism of each chapter title and scattering small details throughout the fic and mergwen rights and throwing in aithusa and letting characters deal with their trauma and yeah. also actually writing plot! i do still want to write a partner fic for it, which might be a summer project, but we’ll see...

tagging (if you want) @sirwilliamofdeira @tcs-main and @oncefutureemrys

Ask game that @bbcfandomsuniverse recently did (hope you don’t mind me jumping in 😊)

Their post is over here in the larger font like above with the questions if they are easier for you to see! But from here on the text will be in the standard regular font, Thank you!

How many works do you have on AO3?

-Nine? And far too many WIPs that are like two paragraphs from being finished

What’s your total AO3 word count?

-92,277

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

-On AO3, 4 but In my little book of things and my docs a lot more…

BBC Merlin, Mortal instruments fandom, Durarara, The Umbrella Academy (*ones not posted* Penny dreadful, Robin of sherwood, BBC Atlantis… And other horribly written things for many many anime and manga series)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

• Rain Before The Rainbow- 146

• Snow and Powdered Sugar- 49

• Broken Raven- 39

• The Ingenuous- 21

• I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You- 20

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes! I always try to respond to comments and continue what whatever they talked about or just give my thanks.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It’s not currently posted but it’s another one of my fics that is almost finished and pretty much is a retelling of the Diamond of the day of BBC Merlin if events had gone differently with saving a bunch of characters including mordred, daegal, kara, sefa, Gilli among many others and it’s very angsty. Like tears and sobbing angsty…

Do you write crossovers? if so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I actually wrote ONE crossover that I never posted and it was a disaster… I will never mention it again.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I wouldn’t call it hate but it was simply someone voicing their opinion on the fic which yeah… Kinda you know hurtful to me but i’m just a stranger to them that’s writing fanfiction so…

Do you write smut? if so what kind?

Nope no nopitty no

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

To my knowledge no. And also who ever does steal my fics you picked the most worst person to do it from XD. (But in all seriousness if someone ever finds one of my fics posted anywhere else or under a different user name please message me here on Tumblr 😊)

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but again I’m completely open to it and would love for my fics to branch out to all of the non-english speaking audiences.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would love to work with another writer on a fic! I actually really want to but have no clue how to even go about it.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oooo, I’m gonna go back to my beginning fandom roots and say a platonic relationship I love is from an anime called Princess TuTu and it’s Fakir & Muto… I watched the anime along with another one called Sugar Sugar Rune when I was like 4 and they will always hold a special place in my heart along with the Original Fruits basket and the Manga…

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Probably one of my Umbrella Academy fics that I had started to write. Mostly because when a lot of stuff happened with the very strong opinions in certain comments it made me loose inspiration and hope in writing for the fandom in a way. But it was my favourite idea and now I can barely look at it anymore…

What are your writing strengths?

Figurative language my beloved… I mold and bend works like clay to my will and abuse them for the sake of art. I sometimes place words that have no correlation besides each other but with their surrounding pears have all the meaning of everything I mean for them to say. My teachers all throughout school loved and hated my writing all the same but i always counted it as one of my strengths.

What are your writing weaknesses?

That I get distracted in words and go off on off topic tangents. I always do this and I have to stop myself. And like I’ve said before this just end up a old tangled yarn ball of metaphors that in another persons hands, the knots are yanked at and pulled so impossibly there’s no chance to get it undone. But in mine, the twist and turns of yarn become limp and fall so incredibly loose between my fingers. So I want to make my writing able to be untangle without too much of a yank or tug.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve done it myself with Raphael Santiago from Mortal instruments in Spanish and Small dialogue bits I’m okay with. But if it’s like a full speech I’m not too keen on it even if I understand the language.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Wait funny story real quick, I recently found my old notebook I used to write fanfiction in when I was like 8 and it’s atrocious. But if I remember correctly the first fanfic in their is with Magi (another anime and manga series very dear to my heart) but if i’m correct the first piece of actual fanfic I wrote was a bit earlier and it was Pandora Hearts maybe? Or even around the time that shows like Avatar and Teen Titans aired…

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I have to go with “The Ingenuous” mostly because I remember many years ago thinking those two would be good friends but completely abandoned the idea because it was like 2015 and I thought the fandom was dead… And also because these two don’t have a canon relationship I have taken free will with it and halfway through writing it I realized their relationship has elements of practically me and one of my friends I’ve known my whole life. And that person is very near and dear to me and I’ve always held them close to my heart… So really that fic just has everything of me and I’ve given my all into that fic.

I’m tagging

@zoingfandom and @ohanahoku-ao3 and thats It because I feel awkward tagging other people I know are Ao3 writers XD

Zoing & Ohana please save me from my awkwardness and tag more people please, I beg of you. But also Anyone else if free to join in!

[phantomchick]

Merlin fic rec list

To Be A King by clotpolesonly Teen And Up, No Archive Warnings Apply, Gen, Merlin and Arthur, Merlin and Mordred, Gwen/Arthur, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Canonical Character Death, BAMF Merlin, Dragonlord Merlin, Original setting, Magical kingdom, King Merlin, Royal!Merlin Summary: When Merlin discovers that his father was an estranged prince and he himself is now the only heir to the throne of a magical kingdom, he is forced to leave Camelot for the perils of a royal court. Will Merlin be able to win Arthur's favor again before Morgana launches an attack on a defenseless Camelot? Will he be able to defend his own kingdom at the same time or will all be lost? -

A Matter of Sovereignty by Kizmet Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply, Friendship Summary A visiting prince takes it into his head to brutalize Merlin, but sometimes the solution to a problem is in how you phrase it.

-

Bumps and Bruises by platonic_boner merthur, implied/suspected abuse, Protective Arthur, Magic Revealed, pre-relationship, teen an up, canon typical violence,

Summary: Arthur notices Merlin’s constant injuries, and decides he needs to step in and protect Merlin.

-

Finding Home by riventhorn Arthur/Merlin, Hurt/Comfort Summary: Written for a kinkme_merlin prompt. When Gaius retires a new physician takes over and quickly kicks Merlin out of his room and takes it for himself. Arthur finds Merlin sleeping in the stables...and it's winter.

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How To Love A Living Thing by Polomonkey Mature, merthur, Merlin/Arthur, Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Violence, Sexual Harassment, Drowning, Guilt, Romance, Protective Arthur, Mild Sexual Content, Redemption, Healing, Canon Era

Summary Guilt ridden and lonely after his confrontation with Nimueh, Merlin slowly begins to isolate himself from Arthur. When two knights take it upon themselves to teach him his place, Merlin finds himself with nowhere to turn. Will he be able to reach out to his prince before it's too late?

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Obeisance by casspeach Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply, Merlin/Arthur

Summary: It's not that Arthur won't share his toys, just that he expects to get them back undamaged

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All's Well That Ends Well by StormDancer explicit, Merlin/Arthur, Arthur Finds Out, magic reveal Summary: Merlin spent the week and a half that Arthur was gone splitting his time between crafting careful explanations that never ended up explaining the important things, the things that would make Arthur listen, and making half-baked plans to escape to Ealdor. He found a number of fire-proofing spells that would have no effect if they decided to cut his head off, and figured out how to adapt an invulnerability spell he had been trying to find a way to cast on Arthur without him noticing so that it would protect him from being decapitated, but it would have no effect on anything but metal. Despite all his frantic searching, he did not find a teleportation spell, because that would have been too simple and if there was one thing Merlin had learned in his years at Camelot, it was that nothing was ever simple.

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Deeds by the5leggedCricket Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Episode Related, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon, Teen and Up,

Summary: Arthur is coming of age, and that means he’s about to get Deeds—marks on his body telling him of his soulmate’s greatest accomplishments. But as he tries to find his soulmate, he also makes some worrying discoveries about the kind of person his soulmate is.

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Honorable Intentions by smilebackwards Gwaine/Merlin, Guinevere/Arthur Pendragon, Courtship, Protectiveness, Protective!Arthur, Teen and Up, Summary: There are several considerations Arthur would like to go over, starting with the state of Merlin's virtue.

-

Laundry's Hard Work by supercalvin Gen, Teen and Up, Canon Era, can be read as pre-slash, BAMF Merlin

Summary: Wasn't Merlin supposed to be...tiny? When the hell had he learned to use a sword and not fall on his backside? Where the hell did those scars from? What the hell?

or Arthur still thinks Merlin is the young boy he met ten years ago and he starts to notice things in his manservant that he wasn't aware had changed at all.

-

Fathom Me Out by supercalvin Merlin/Arthur, Canon Era, Magic Revealed, Teen and up,

Summary: After ten years, Arthur thinks he has Merlin all figured out. But as he watches Merlin, he finds out that he has more questions than answers. The longer he thinks about it, the more uneasy he feels. So he pushes it aside. Except, he can no longer ignore the questions he has about Merlin. Not your everyday reveal!fic

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Loyalty Before Royalty by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle Gen, Gwen & Merlin, Arthur and Merlin being the most iconic duo? I think tf not, Gwen and Merlin wreaking havoc? Teaming up against Arthur? That's the most iconic duo there, as usual, Explicit Language, Fluff and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Arthur is so exasperated, someone help him, good thing he loves them both

Summary: "Where did you get that?" Arthur asked, but he already knew the answer. "Gwen." "...and the horse?" "Gwen." "What about the-" "Gwen." Merlin interrupted. Arthur nodded. At this point, he wasn't sure why he even bothered to ask. He was pretty certain his wife was going to knight Merlin any day now.He looked Merlin up and down for a few moments before accepting it all with a sigh. "As long as you get my armor to me tomorrow...I don't care." He finally said, turning away. Merlin cleared his throat. "Gwen gave me tomorrow off." "For the love of God." Or I hate that Gwen and Merlin's friendship kind of withered away in the later seasons so here's a oneshot about her and Merlin abusing her new royal powers because that's what happens when your best friend becomes queen.

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Know It All Knight by Shi_Toyu Leon & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table, Magic Revealed, protective leon, Arthur Finds Out, Oblivious Arthur

Summary: Leon couldn’t say for sure when the exact moment was that he figured out Merlin had magic. He’d suspected it for a little while, to be honest. He definitely had it figured out by the time Arthur managed to ‘kill’ the Great Dragon. What Leon could say for sure was the exact moment he figured out that no one else had figured out Merlin had magic.

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The Nature of Trust by Lynds Merlin's Magic Revealed, Leon is the Mam Friend, Leon is so done, Protective Gwaine, Lancelot Lives, Canon Era, Arthur Finds Out, Hurt Merlin, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, reference to hunting and cooking animals Summary: Leon starts to notice that the knights, one by one, are starting to trust Merlin's judgement. That he keeps warning Arthur about danger, and being right. Is there more to Merlin than meets the eye?

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Repercussions by PeaceHeather Fix-It of Sorts, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Lecture, Rants, Episode: s02e06 Beauty and the Beast, Episode: s02e05 Beauty and the Beast, Canon Era, One Shot, Gen Summary: Uther married a troll. In canon, that all worked out fine eventually. In this slight canon divergence, there is at least one noble who's not willing to let it slide so easily.

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No Harm Will Come to You Here by fancyh Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Season/Series 05, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Fluff and Angst, temporary amnesia, teen and up,

Summary: "That was magic," Arthur accuses.

"Oh." Merlin just nods, looking unperturbed.

Arthur fights to keep his expression calm, mind racing and heart pounding. "Sorcery is outlawed in Camelot. On pain of death."

Merlin splutters, finally fixing Arthur with an affronted glare. "It's not like I meant to do it!"

***

Merlin gets hit with a spell meant for Arthur and loses his memory. Revelations ensue. Set sometime after 5x02.

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Metamorphose by clotpolesonly Merlin/Arthur, Teen and Up, Between Seasons/Series, Episode: s03e01 The Tears of Uther Pendragon (Part I), Episode: s03e02 The Tears of Uther Pendragon (Part II), Mpreg, Magic Reveal, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining, morgana redemption, some transphobic language from Merlin when he finds out he’s pregnant because of magic but it’s mostly just the shock that does it Summary: When Merlin falls into bed with Arthur, he doesn't expect for to wake up alone. He doesn't expect Arthur to give him the cold shoulder either, but there is something else he expects even less which forces him out of the kingdom for over a year. He returns to find a traitor in the court, an army on the way, and a love he'd thought all but lost waiting for him with open arms.

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Four Days To Fall In Love. by CupCakezys Teen and Up, No archive warnings apply, Merlin/Arthur, Morgana/Gwen, Soulmate AU, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Protective Arthur, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Secret Relationship

Summary: In a world where everyone has a soulmate (or two or three), Arthur Pendragon knows he is destined to be alone. For Arthur can see his heartstring, could follow it to where his soulmate lived, and that could only mean one thing.

His soulmate had magic, and should they ever meet, Arthur would have to kill them.

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Sacrificial Lamb by RurouniHime Angst and Humor, Pining, First Time, First Kiss, Post Season 1, Initial Misunderstanding, But it’s resolved, Happy Ending, Fluff with a touch of angst at first

Summary: Arthur's been overworking his knights, so they come to Merlin as a last resort.

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Cheers and Spirits by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle Gen, The knights are kinda fools, but the best king, Humour, Fluff, Fluff and Humour, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin

Summary: Despite all the supposed trips to the tavern none of the knights have seen Merlin drunk. They decide to rectify that. A poor decision, really.

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Circle 'round the Truth by enviropony Merlin + Knights friendship, Gen, Magic Reveal, Oneshot, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin Summary: They know about the magic. Or, more accurately, Merlin's magic is the truth the knights circle around, and Merlin's loyalty is the one 'round which they rally. (A character study with some yelling, an action sequence, and a bit of walking.) Post-S4.

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Strict Justice by schweet_heart mutual pining, BAMF Arthur, magic reveal, canon au, oneshot, teen and up

Summary: After a particularly grueling battle, Merlin and Arthur share a quiet moment in their tent.

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before it breaks by schweet_heart Teen and Up, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, merlin whump, magic reveal, merlin & arthur, merthur

Summary: “It’s not what it looks like,” he says, hand still outstretched, barely a waver in his voice as he lies, outright, to Arthur’s face. “Sire, I can explain.”

“Can you,” Arthur says. He’s aware that he’s trembling, a seismic reaction to the outrage and denial still fighting it out inside his head, but he knows what he’s seen. What it must be. “Well, then, you’d better be quick about it, because it looks a lot like magic.”

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Until the Day I Die by Cookie Teen and Up, Oneshot, Angst, Temporary Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending

Summary: Arthur believed Dragoon had killed his father, and so he plunged his sword deep into the sorcerer. Now Merlin was dying in his arms and Arthur was facing the future alone.

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These Castle Walls Bleed Lies by marguerite_26 Mature, hurt/comfort, Magic Reveal, Angst, Merthur, mentions of arthur/gwen, Gwen/Lancelot

Summary: With his father unfit to rule and Camelot decimated, Arthur must assume the role of King. But the truths he discovers shake the foundation of all he holds dear.

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before his eyes (he now sees clear) by hwc Teen And Up Audiences, Uther Pendragon is terrible and complicated, Merlin/Arthur

Summary: It takes Uther half a second to see Balinor in Merlin, and he's almost sure of what he should do.

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Keep Your Secrets by new_kate, orphan_account Mature, rape/non-con, torture, captivity, romance, alternate universe - canon, canon typical violence, hurt/comfort

Summary: Arthur Pendragon is captured by the bandits. While he waits to be ransomed, he slowly gets to know Merlin, the prisoner being held in the next cell.

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Crossing the Line by Ultrageekatlarge BAMF Merlin, Gen, Crack, Oneshot, Magic Reveal, Hurt! Merlin, Humour

Summary: In which Merlin gets bludgeoned, strangled, attacked, smothered, shot with glass, and tossed out a window, burned, whipped, stabbed, thrown down stairs, nearly drowned on dry land, and harpooned, and still manages to save Camelot from seven evil sorcerers, before lunch.

-

Your Touch Is My Salvation by elirwen Magic Reveal, Canon Era, Oblivious idiots in love, Curses, Teen and Up, Oneshot, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Merlin suffers from an effect of a curse. Arthur can help more than he initially thought.

-

A Heavy Heart to Carry by Thursday_Next Rescue, Hurt/Comfort, Magic Reveal, Oneshot, Mature, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Summary: When Merlin is captured and injured, Arthur must face up to his own feelings for his manservant as well as the many secrets he discovers are being kept from him.

-

Can you do that? by no_nutcracker Merlin/Mithian, no archive warnings apply, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s04e11 The Hunter's Heart, Arthur & Merlin friendship

Summary: Merlin should be overjoyed. He just found his soulmate. If only she was not betrothed to Arhur.

-

His Remedy for Care by ArgentSleeper Teen and Up, canon au, Episode: s02e13 The Last Dragonlord, Angst, Canon Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Fix It

Summary: Injured in the dragon attack in lieu of Arthur and afraid of being stopped from going on the mission, Merlin kept away from Gaius and never learned that Balinor was his father. Instead it's Arthur that puts two and two together as he seeks the dragonlord out, first to save his servant (not friend- they can't be friends), then to save his kingdom.

-

A Considerable Head Start by ughbutidontwantto BAMF Merlin, Gen, when villains have more regard for you than friends, Camelot has a serious class problem, Merlin deserves better

Summary: Merlin is frighteningly competent and his friends are correctly concerned. Obviously they're going to follow him out to the woods. And obviously they're not going to like what they hea

-

The Conscience of the King by ughbutidontwantto Gen, Post-Magic Reveal, Legal Drama, Oneshot, Friendship feels

Summary: Merlin's magic was revealed and now everyone has to deal with it in an official capacity since tragically most of these characters work in government. Arthur, predictably, is struggling to cope.

-

Out of Sight, Out of Mind by BabyStepsAreStillSteps Merlin Deserved Better, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Episode: s05e09 With All My Heart, Fix It

Summary: When Arthur turned his back on the Dolma that he didn’t know was his manservant, Merlin reminded him that he was missing a very important member of their rescue party.

What if he hadn’t?

-

What They Owe Us by ironspidereilish Merlin/Arthur, Alternate Universe, Aredian’s a tax collector instead of a witch hunter but he’s still a bastard, Hurt/Comfort, Poverty, Angst with a Happy Ending, Protective Arthur Pendragon, BAMF Arthur, Canon Era, Romance, sexual coercion mentioned, BAMF Merlin

Summary: When Arthur finds out that the castle staff are having their wages held for weeks at a time and can no longer afford food or their homes, he will not rest until they are protected and Aredian is stopped.

The fact that Merlin’s stomach is rumbling while he delivers the prince his breakfast, and Arthur hates the thought of him suffering, only serves as extra motivation to fix this.

-

royal blood by Rona23 crack!fic, humour, comedy, Balinor Lives, Dragonlord things, Golden Age, Bamf Arthur, Bamf Balinor, Bamf Merlin, Fix It, Magic reveal, Oblivious Arthur, Merthur

Summary: ..... as if Balinor could be killed by Bandits O.o

Alternatively: An alternative take on Balinor surviving and saving Camelot. ... And then proceeding to hold the entire kingdom hostage, because he has a frigging Dragon at his disposal :)

- The way by Naelyn Episode: s04e11 The Hunter's Heart, POV Arthur Pendragon, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Oblivious Arthur, Until He’s Not, Hurt/Comfort, Merlin Deserved Better, Communication or lack thereof, Canon Divergence

Summary: "One more word out of you, and I swear to God I will send you into exile."

He knows it’s not the pyre, knows there’s much worse, but banishment would mean staying away from Arthur forever – and, as pathetic as that might sound, he thinks he would rather die than let that happen. It is clear that the feeling is not reciprocated, clear that in Arthur’s eyes, he will never come first. There’ll always be people coming before him, and he’s made peace with that long ago – but if even Agravaine can come before him, then anyone could, no? Anyone could replace him. Call Merlin a traitor and have Arthur get rid of him. Anyone could.

Merlin no longer feels safe in Camelot.

or: Arthur threatens Merlin of banishment. To Arthur's eyes, it's all forgotten. To Merlin's, however... Well, let's just say that his faith in their mutual destiny, once unwavering, finds itself faltering at a dangerously quick rate.

-

Better in the Mourning by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle Gen, Lancelot & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Grief, Fluff and Angst, Gwen/Lance mentioned, let the characters grieve, 5 Knights of Grief

Summary: Merlin mourns Lancelot's death. The rest of the knights help out. (AKA Merlin gets to take advantage of not having to keep a dead loved one a secret and gets some goddamn support in this castle)

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I suppose that I look different (without the robes and crown) by WingedWolf121 Canon Era, Episode: s05e03 The Death Song of Uther Pendragon, Uther Pendragon’s A + Parenting, Ygraine/Uther, Arthur/Merlin, Balinor/Hunith, Dragonlord Merlin, BAMF Merlin, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending

Summary: When Arthur blows the horn of Cathbdhah for the second time, the horn doesn’t just send Uther to the other world. It sends Arthur away as well – to a world where Ygraine never died, the Great Purge never happened, and magic lives freely at court. As do those who practice it.

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For Your Information by reni_days Merlin & Uther, Merlin/Arthur, Modern Era au, Oneshot, Teen and Up

Summary: Merlin sighs. "After your...announcement," he explains, "your father decided he needed a bit more information. Which is apparently where I come in. I'm sort of like his gay tutor, it's hard to explain."

-

Good Fortune by platonic_boner Canon Era, Fluff, Merlin/Arthur, Oneshot

Summary: Arthur makes Merlin a lord, and Merlin does an astonishingly good job of running a village.

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Within Reach by foxy_mulder Explicit, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sex, Merlin/Arthur, Angst with a Happy Ending, Oneshot, Slowburn

Summary: Nobody touches Arthur.

Merlin realizes it slowly, and when he does, he wants to kick himself for not seeing sooner. ___________ (Or, Arthur and Merlin's relationship with touch over time.)

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Moment of Weakness by TheAsexualofSpades Gen, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Protective Knights, Protective Arthur Pendragon, Protective Merlin, Whump, Oneshot, Merlin/Arthur

Summary: After all Merlin's gone through, you'd think it would take some world-ending magic spell or an almost successful attempt on Arthur's life to shake him properly.

It isn't one of those, and Merlin has no idea why.

He just knows he can't be weak.

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The Only Reward Bestowed Upon Me by greatdumbking Gen, Oneshot, Merlin/Arthur, angst, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, Episode: s04e05 His Father's Son, Fix-It, Agravaine, Canon Era, Love Confessions

Summary: “You’re wrong Merlin. I don’t need anyone. I can’t afford that luxury. The kingdom's my responsibility now, and mine to bear alone. And you must learn to accept that.”

How could this hurt so much, a third time? Merlin could feel the façade of his casual indifference faltering. His face fell, tears were clawing at his throat, creeping into his eyes. It took all his effort to nod, steel his eyes, and swallow down the rising sob.

(How did Merlin get chosen the be the bait? Why did Arthur start pushing Merlin away? Why couldn't he see how much it was hurting him?)

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Maybe Not the Most Awkward Dinner to Happen in Camelot's Citadel, but it's Definitely Up There by HopePrevails Gen, Gwen/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Oneshot, Humour, past Gwen/Merlin

Summary: When an argument about whether Merlin is remotely attractive or not breaks out over dinner, Queen Guinevere accidentally drops into the conversation that she had a crush on him when he first arrived in Camelot. Arthur takes it... like Arthur.

--x--

“Don’t look so surprised, Merlin.” Gwen said kindly. Perhaps she was the psychic. “You’re sweet and gentle, charismatic-” Arthur snorted. “- and I’m not going to let you walk out of those doors thinking you don’t look the part, either. Remember, even when you first came to Camelot, I-” She stopped herself, snapping her lips tightly shut.

-

[yellowmagicalgirl]

Curious about seasonal amulet au and Jlaire gets kidnapped

Seasonal Amulet

"My King," one of the Wumpas said as she walked over to Toby. "Take your amulet so you may triumph over Blungo."

Toby's eyes widened at the sight of the amulet, and he could hear his friends attempt to stifle their gasps with varying levels of accuracy.

Toby looked between the amulet and his friends. "Um, right," he said, trying not to look like he was panicking. The Amulet of Daylight had said Jim's name. This amulet wasn't saying Toby's name. It wasn't saying anyone's name, and the Quagawumps wanted him to use it to defeat someone?

Granted, some armor that wasn't a cardboard box and a saucepan would be pretty good, but still! Blinky hadn't said that the Shattered King had been a Trollhunter! Probably summer or fall, since the amulet was golden with an orange stone. The hands were more curved than the ones on Jim's.

Basically, this was an AU (created pre-season 3, and while I adapted some to fit season 3, Wizards gets tossed out a window) where, after creating the Amulet of Daylight, Merlin created four amulets to correspond to the seasons and support the main trollhunter... or at least, that was his intention. However, he died before he could complete the Amulet of Winter, and the other three were lost to time until Toby managed to find one.

Jlaire gets kidnapped

As Jim walked towards his bike, he overheard half of Claire’s conversation on the phone. It’s not like he had been trying to linger behind after play practice, he just had to tie his shoe.

Which had already been tied.

Okay, maybe he had been trying to linger for a bit so he could talk to Claire without having to deal with Steve making fun of him, but she seemed to be busy. His shoulders slumped, but he sighed and began to unlock his bike. He’d get a chance to talk to her some day.

“If you’re that held up, I could just walk home,” she said, and he could see her roll her eyes. “Okay, Papi. I’ll see you in forty-five minutes. Love you too, Papi.” She hung up her phone and looked around the dark campus nervously.

“Hey, um, are you okay?” Jim asked her. She looked towards him, slightly startled.

“Oh, yeah, I’ll be fine,” she said. “My parents don’t want me walking home this late at night; they think I’ll get kidnapped or something.” By the way her eyes kept darting towards the shadows, it seemed like her Papi’s words had spooked her.

“Do you want me to give you a ride home?” Jim asked, already inwardly cursing himself. A ride home? On his bike that was intended for only one person? That didn’t seem like an option she’d go for. “If not, I can wait with you if you want.”

“You sure?” Claire tucked a strand of hair over her ear. “About staying with me; my parents would be even more worried if a guy took me home. But don’t you need to get home?”

“I’ll be fine; my mom won’t be home for another three hours anyways.” He re-locked his bike to the rack before going to stand next to her. “So how do you think you did on the history quiz?”

“Alright, though I wasn’t too sure about the question on Confucianism. Did you get B or – what is that?” With the hand that wasn’t holding onto her phone she pointed at the glowing golden circle that was beginning to wrap around the two of them.

Jim pulled out his own phone, turned on the flashlight, and began to look around for who was putting on the weird light show. He saw no one, and as he tried to reach his arm out of the circle he hit a barrier. Runes formed around the circle, shooting golden light into the sky.

“What’s going on?” Claire asked. As she said that, the inner edge of the golden circle turned to a dark purple, and the ground the teens stood upon turned an inky black.

As the two of them fell through, they didn’t have time to scream.

This was based off a dream I had. Morgana kidnapped Jim and Claire to turn them into soldiers. The fic would've bounced between the two of them trying to survive as Morgana uses their magic to change and warp them, while their family and their friends/classmates all try to launch their own kidnapping investigations, each managing to discover the supernatural separately in a way that probably would have some Stranger Things parallels.

Ask me about my WIP’s

[merlinfic]

group ask for lost fics #32

Hi y’all! Below are a few lost fics that us mods just can’t seem to find. That being said, we’re hoping that you lovely followers are able to help! If anyone knows any of the fics below please reply below or send in an ask with which anon/user and group ask that the fic corresponds with!

Note: previous group asks and all lost fics!

Anon 1 asked:

Hello! First of all thanks so much for everything you do for the fandom! Also, I’ve been trying to find a fic for a while where Merlin and Arthur are both super into each other and Arthur keeps trying to seduce Merlin but Merlin thinks he has to remain pure until the dragon tells him that’s not the case w Arthur and I was wondering if you could help! Thanks so much 💖🥰

Thanks to statistical-nightmare for suggesting Touch Me (Not) by veronamay!

@ohmytimeturner14 asked:

Hey! I'm kinda getting back into the merlin fandom and I was looking for a fic I once read and can't find it. It's a sick fic where merlin gets sick with pneumonia I believe. Can't remember how long it is, at least 3k and most likely under 20k? I think part of it had Morgana offer to read to Merlin when he was sick? I think it was Merthur but I couldn't swear to it. Love your blog, Keep up the good work!!!

Hey! I love your blog. You always do such an awesome job.

I lost a fic, its at least 5K probably leaning twords 20 though. It involves Merlin getting sick, I think pneumonia. I remember that at one point Morgana reads him a book when he's sick, and Arthur almost leaves to get Hunith because he thought Merlin wouldn't make it. May have something to do with a formalwear tunic that made him cold and got sick, but that might be a different one. I also think he was going to go to a party of Gwen's before he got sick?? sorry if this is kinda vague

Thanks to fractalinferno for sending in Midwinter Festival by Miss_Em!

Anon 2 asked:

hello!! yay the ask box is open again!! 🥺 I’ve been going through the asks for a quartermaster/007 thing but I can’t find this particular fic where Merlin was Q, and closer to the end of the fic he gets kidnapped on a train (to be specific.) It’s slash, but not pre-established, happens during the fic. Arthur bursts into Merlin’s apartment and manages to have flashback about the laptop’s password or smth too! Thanks in advance!

Thanks to wiggly-jiggly-higgledy-piggledy and overworked-bookworm for suggesting You Only Live Twice by storyforsomeone (WIP)!

Anon 3 asked:

Hello! I was wondering if you'd be able to help me find a fic. The only thing I remember from it is that both Arthur and Merlin are in the crystal caves and Merlin sees Arthur's death through one of them and completely freaks out and comfort ensues with Arthur. Sorry it's so vague but I'd love to see if you can find it! Thanks again!

@eyra-j-nee asked:

Hi!! I’m looking for a fic that was on ao3, (TW: non con) in it Merlin was assaulted in the stables and he called I think both killgarah and aithusa come and won’t let anyone pass into the stables except gaius and eventually Lancelot. Arthur figures out it’s Merlin and I can’t remember what happens after that. I’ve looked through your hurt and abused Merlin tags and I didn’t see it. I can say it’s not “all of himself” by StormDancer but they are very similar! Any and all help would be appreciated. As always THANK YOU for what you do, this blog and your hard work is a godsend!!

Thanks to fangirl485 for sending in The Fire of a Dragon by ma_r (check warnings!)

Anon 4 asked:

hi I am looking for a fic, it's post canon au and magic is legal, arthur & gwen aren't married though and all the people of Camelot are used to see Arthur and Merlin together or near each other and one time they don't, so they ask merlin who tells them that the king is on holiday today so they come to merlin with their problems and even after the holiday is over they still come to him and start calling him lord and Arthur is very amused and they get together at the end of the fic

honestly I'm a little annoyed that I remember this much but not the name of fic but I can't find it in my bookmarks, so thanks

Thanks to onceandfuturekid for suggesting King of My Heart by illiterateowl!

Anon 5 asked:

hello! i was wondering if you know about this one fic where merlin receives a purple tunic as a reluctant gift from arthur and he worries about it because it's the colour of royalty. i think it was gen? i can't really seem to find it and this is very vague, so im sorry. thank you for all you do!! <3

Anon 6 asked:

Hi I’ve been looking everywhere for one particular fic. It’s pretty dark and modern au. Merlin is immortal, has lost his memories, not thinking clearly, and is suicidal. Arthur is reincarnated and has the urge to kill. They somehow? come to an arrangement, and Arthur “consensually” kills Merlin, and then is filled with regret. But it kind of “resets” Merlin so when he comes back his memories are restored and he’s ok again? Any ideas??

onceandfuturekid asked:

hi I'm looking for a fic where there's a new servant master (?) who is harming servants so arthur disguises himself and pretends to be servant and merlin & gwen take him under his wing,,, also the servant master (?) was a druid I think or atleast banished from them and was looking for power of emrys

Thanks to atlantablack-chaotic and avery28 for sending in The Serving of Servants by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle!

Anon 7 asked:

Hi! I've been looking for this but can't seem to find it and I would greatly appreciate it if you guys could help me. It's a genderbend!Merlin. The story basically follows canon with Merlin becoming Arthur's manservant just that on top of magic she has to hide the fact that she's a woman and when things go "further" Arthur thinks he's forcing himself on Merlin, since he can't "feel his desire". Thank you do much for your help! ❤

Anon 8 asked:

Hi, I've been trying to refind this fic for a while but I'm having trouble finding it. I can't remember much of it which makes it difficult, but I just remember that Merlin gives Arthur a gift, which I think is a ring, and he finds out Merlin had magic and questions whether Merlin enchanted it against him. It's in the canon era where Merlin is his servant.

Thanks to fractalinferno for sending in A Little Roughing Around Never Hurt Anyone by melennui!

@emritz86 asked:

Hi, it's been a while I asked smthng. Caught up with work and stuff. I read a fic where Merlin was a doc and married to Arthur but Arthur didn't like Merlin at first and didn't even let him enter to their bedroom. Later he realised how awesome Merlin was and tried to reconcile but Merlin already thought about filing divorce. Do not remember the name but I'm certain I read it and saved it somewhere. Anything similar would be great too. Thanks.

Anon 9 asked:

Hey! I was wondering if you could find a fic for me where everyone thinks Arthur is dead and then Merlin goes to look for him but the knights are like he’s dead and Merlin says something like “half my soul resides in him. I would feel his death like a wound” ps this blog is literally my life

Anon 10 asked:

I'm looking for 2 kind of similar stories. The first is a canon au where Merlin is actually a dog that Arthur finds in the woods. I remember toward the end they both get injured and Arthur is frantic when he wakes up. Asking Gaius where his dog is.

The second is modern au where Merlin is blind and Arthur is reincarnated as his seeing eye dog. I don't remember much more than that, sorry. Thank you for all the work you out into the fandom. MUCH MUCH appreciated!

Thanks to fractalinferno for suggesting Familiar To You, Strange To Me by TheYaoiChick for the first part!

@gaylord1027 asked:

Hi,

Do you know of a fic where Merlin was raised by Balinor in the cave after Hunith died and Merlin has some for of mental affliction. It starts with Arthur coming to them for help and then he wants to protect Merlin. Nimueh is in it and she befriended Merlin and died when Balinor lived to keep the balance.

Anon 11 asked:

I was wondering if you knew of the fic where Gwaine and Arthur are fighting to see who's merlin's best friend but in the end they realise it's Lancelot

Thanks to fractalinferno for suggesting Merlin's Favourite by OwlsWithFins!

[nextstopparis]

fic tag game - thnk u for thinking of me @southfarthing 🥺❤️❤️

how many works do you have on ao3?

29..... its rlly bothering me i need to get one more up gbjjhbhb

what's your total ao3 word count?

130,758 (???? WHAT???? I DONT THINK IVE EVEN SAID THIS MANY WORDS IN THE LAST TWO YRS WTF)

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

ive only written for merlin:)

what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. all the things we did not become, 2.08 fix it fic for glompfest

2. he won't tell you that he loves you (but he loves you), a lil fluff for merthur week 2020

3. frozen deep blue (you painted me golden), angsty arthur returns fic bc i sort of got annoyed by the idea that the only issues they would encounter would be arthur adjusting to the modern world.

4. how it was supposed to be, like pre s4 fic (except uthers already dead lol) based on a tsoa scene that i sob over every time.

5. build a house in paradise, modern au slice of life fic full of domesticity.

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yes i do! it might take a WHILE though bc im just. bad at things. idk i get stressed over saying thank you to strangers online ok leave me alone. but yes id o eventually. (at least i have thus far)

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

omg. OMG WAIT LOL i was gonna say none bc i dont tend to do angsty endings BUT I DO HAVE ONE!!! (well two, but thisis the angstier one i think): tell me why this has to end is pretty angsty although it does. like. end as the show did lol. well anyway. omg i completely forgot abt that fic:/

do you write crossovers? if so, what is the craziest one you've written?

i dont write crossovers

have you ever received hate on a fic?

errr not that ive been made aware of lol.

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i do not write smut.. the closest ive gotten is alluding to it skdjncjsnc

have you ever had a fic stolen?

lol why would anyone want to steal my fic skjdncskjncs but no

have you ever had a fic translated?

nah

have you ever co-written a fic before?

NO BUT ID LIKE TO ONE DAY i think itd be really cool:(

what's your all time favourite ship?

well hm. *looks at entire blog dedicated to merthur and like 600 bookmarked fics also about them* ummm,,,, thats a really hard question aha...

whats a WIP that you want to finish but dont think you ever will?

is it a wip if its still just an idea that i havent actually written anything for??? its based on gold rush by taylor swift (ohmygod im so annoying) and i REALLY like the idea but i think im just too scared to start it bc like. it deserves better than me u know sjdcnksdjnksnc ugh.

what are your writing strengths?

my english teacher in hs once told me that im good with voice which is great for writing crack i think

what are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, plotting, tenses really kick my ass too bc i can never decide if i want to do it in the present or the past. like wtf

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

errrr.... i dont really have that much of an opinion on it? it would be nice to understand what im reading though,,

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

m...merlin..

whats your favourite fic you've written?

invent the future. its the longest thing ive written which already makes it something im really proud of, but i also just like the ideas i explored in it about forgiveness and justice and the nature of destiny and stuff (wowzers im sort of so-fist-o-kate-id huh). it started out as a single sentence and then accidentally became a pendragon siblings relationship repair fic which. i mean. whatever lol. also its the first merwenthur fic ive written which im pleased abt bc i LOVE THEM. and OKAY. so maybe its also just 60k words of an arthur character study. GOSH leave me alone...

tagging: @shana-rosee , @witchmd13 , and @queerofthedagger (if you want ofc!!)

[next-fic-please]

Where’d You Go? Gwaine x Reader

*This is gonna be my first fic posted on tumblr *excited bouncing*  if you dont like the writing, this is kinda old and i like to think that i’ve improved since then. anyways hope ya’ll enjoy :D

Word Count: 903  ?

Warnings: first time writing angst, kinda short, gender neutral *if there are any she’s in there please let me know so i can fix that*, death, pre-established relationship, you’re merlin’s twin and a knight! congrats

Merlin and Arthur were silent on the ride back. Merlin had spent all his tears and simply looked at the road, Arthur watching him with grief and sympathy in his eyes.  

They had ridden for half a day, letting the smoke in the air lead them to what was left of their friends, but they could hardly find comfort in that.

Elyan was on watch and he lowered his sword with a smile as he saw the outlines of Arthur and Merlin, simply dismissing that you weren’t with them. You probably went ahead to Camelot. 

“Sire, Merlin, it’s good to see you.” He walked to meet them, but upon seeing Merlin  and Arthur’s red eyes and sorrowful moods he cautiously asked,“What’s happened?” Merlin dropped off of his horse, his whole demeanor having none of the usual determination in his step. He couldn’t find it in him. He mindlessly walked into camp barely registering the hushed whisper of Arthur. Elyan’s shoulders dropped and the sword in his hand went slack. 

The other knights seemed to notice something was the matter when they saw the interaction, all on edge, looking around for you, but none of them dared think the cold bitter truth. By all the other knights, I sadly exclude Gwaine, when he saw Arthur, he turned his back, scavenging through his saddle for the ring he had bought. Yes, Gwaine, the charmer had fallen in love and was sure that it would last. His smile was infectious as he thought of seeing his love even though you’ve had been courting each other for years, he could never stop feeling giddy at the thought of you. He wanted to greet you and then surprise you, after all he had promised you that his proposal would be when you least expected it. But he was in for a worse surprise. 

Elyan had hunched over a nearby tree, Arthur gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze as he walked past, letting him have a moment to process. The other knights stood weary and Gwaine turned, hand slipping the ring into a chink in his armor with a smile, but became confused as you didn’t come walking toward him. In fact he didn’t see you anywhere.

Arthur stood before them and at this distance his face seemed to reveal a sobering truth to Leon. Leon, who had been your favorite training partner and considered you to be a younger sibling. Gwaine however was glacing all around the camp and was more puzzled by the second, his eyes landed on Merlin’s form that was far from the rest of them, but he could just tell that something was disturbing him. He turned by to Arthur and asked him,

“Where are they?” Arthur looked down at his boots and raised a hand to his face. Gwaine had no idea why Arthur was acting this way but it seemed to confirm the worst for Leon who hastily left to the horses - he knew Arthur well and he had seen that face before. He knew what it meant. Gwaine watched with furrowed eyebrows as Leon left and this heavy unease began to settle in his chest. “Arthur?” Arthur looked up and the unease in Gwaine’s chest was accompanied by a sense of dread. Percival crossed his arms over his chest and asked the question again.

Arthur opened his mouth but he looked at Merlin. Could he possibly say it without causing Merlin more grief. The man who had held his dying twin in his arms, who had heard her last words. But he was robbed of the chance when Gwaine’s gaze hardened as he stared at him before making his way to him, stopping once he had gotten inches away.He was done with all the looks and just wanted to know where you were. Why wouldn’t anyone answer? 

“They’re….” All eyes turned to Merlin. His face was red with tears rolling down his cheek, and his scarf had tears and snot, some old and some fresh.  And it clicked in Percival’s mind, but Gwaine refused to make the connection. His love, his best friend couldn’t have- no. You must be trying to scare him, you’ll jump out from behind a tree with a that signature laugh and a gleam in your eye saying th-

“gone.” Gwaine froze. He scoffed and his eyebrows furrowed. The words offended him. You couldn’t be.

“no.” Merlin grimaced as he watched his friend deny it, he had done the same thing even after he watched the life leave your eyes. This wasn’t easy on any of them, but they all knew that it was different for Gwaine. 

Merlin said nothing else and Gwaine felt as if all the air left his chest. That dread and unease was replaced by anguish. His heart physically ached with this sudden emptiness and overwhelming grief. He was both numb and overwhelmed by grief. He wiped the tears away but they were replaced just as quickly. 

Suddenly the weight of the ring became too much and he clumsily threw it off of him. 

It was sent flying, skimming across the leaves that had fallen on the floor and it ended up in front of Merlin. He gingery picked it up and held it in the palm of his hand. It was a beautiful ring and matched you perfectly. 

Everyone knew you would have said yes.

[panharmonium]

I'm curious if you have any headcanon/any fic plans or just ideas about how Hunith learnt Will knew about Merlin's magic. Sorry if you already talked about it and has slipped out of my attention!

Oh my gosh, any message that asks me about Will or Hunith or Ealdor in any fashion makes me so happy; thank you!  

I'll avoid drawing up an outline for an exact scenario, only because I am always writing more fic about Merlin’s pre-Camelot life and if I end up deciding to actually do this in a fic I’ll be mad at myself for already typing it all out in meta XD  I will, however, talk about some general thoughts, because I do have solid opinions about certain aspects of this whole thing (all my own, obviously; folks are free to imagine this in different ways - these are just my own personal inferences from the canon we’re given).

Putting this under a cut because it got long - you always write me such detailed notes that I wanted to be thorough! <3

So!  Here are some of my thoughts about how Hunith learnt that Will knew about Merlin’s magic.

i. it was not careless.  

In my opinion, Will and Merlin, by the age where we meet them in canon, are not out there goofing around with Merlin’s magic in risky ways.  It doesn’t make sense for Merlin, who is old enough to understand the dangers to his own life and who is also desperately committed to making sure his mother never finds out that Will is in the know (because Merlin knows it won’t go well), and it definitely doesn’t make sense for Will, who, despite his fanon reputation for mischief, is...not actually shown to be like that in canon.

I talked before in my big meta dump about Will that I very much do not read the “he’s always been a troublemaker” line to be indicative of the “pranks and shenanigans” theme that I tend to see in a lot of fic.  The “troublemaker” line, in context, is not referring to Will causing mischief; it’s about Will’s inability to shut his mouth and stop stirring the pot, in the sense of him yelling about stuff that nobody else wants to think about; it’s about him not being able to put his head down and go with the flow.  It’s immediately followed by the line “they’re used to ignoring him,” and what we’re being told here is that Will is the cousin who can’t stop himself from getting political at the holiday dinner table even when the rest of the family is begging him to let them have one single meal in peace.  He cannot let things go, and the rest of his neighbors are completely sick of it (see: Hunith’s ZERO patience with Will when he challenges Arthur in front of the community).

Canon Will, in contrast to some fanon interpretations, is actually a very intense, guarded person?  He’s suspicious and pragmatic and risk-averse.  And I just think it’s important to remember that Will, in his current situation, does not have a lot of time to be messing around.  He was orphaned and left to run a whole homestead as a child.  That’s like...he’s doing the work of an entire family.  Life in Ealdor already leaves little room to slack off, and Will is completely overburdened - somebody in his situation would be desperately busy, almost all of the time, and always on the verge of a potential disaster, if he fell behind on anything.  

So I just don’t read him as someone who is out doing silly things with Merlin in a way that got them discovered by Hunith.  Like - Merlin isn’t careless enough to be goofing off in his own house, for example, and Will isn’t a character who’s daring Merlin to do foolish things for the fun of it.  Merlin is comfortable using his magic around Will, definitely, and we know he’s had at least one mishap in the past (the tree), but at this point in their lives, I don’t see either of them as frivolous or clueless enough to use magic in a way that could get them caught by anyone, or for the purpose of risky/trivial games.

ii. merlin was the one who let it slip

I personally think the lead-up to Hunith discovering Will’s involvement was preceded by two things:

an increase in external stressors (related to the political situation between Camelot and Cenred’s kingdom), making Merlin’s position in Ealdor progressively more precarious/dangerous

Merlin becoming increasingly frustrated, rebellious, and unwilling to hide himself the way his mother wanted him to

The first point is something that I've incorporated into fic, so I think @blueclaw7 is already familiar with it :)  But essentially, when I was collecting info on Ealdor and Cenred's kingdom prior to a previous fic-writing endeavour, there were a few things that led me to wonder just what sort of trouble was brewing in that corner of the world, prior to Merlin's departure:

We know that Cenred makes agreements with slave traders, allowing them to work certain areas of his land without interference (see: Cenred's discussion with Morgause about Jarl in 3.12 - “He's been working our western border for months...We have an understanding.”)  Cenred likely would not allow this unless it benefited him in some way, so I think we can safely assume that he is receiving some sort of kickback from allowing slavers to operate in his kingdom, either in the form of financial compensation or perhaps by having people like Jarl on-call in case Cenred himself needs specific targets rounded up.

We also know that sometime prior to 1.10, Cenred's kingdom and Camelot signed some sort of peace treaty, which according to Uther was “years in the making.”  We're not told how long the two kingdoms had been enemies before that, but my personal interpretation is that they have been at odds for a long time, because the peace treaty doesn’t appear to be very successful - by 2.12, Uther says, “Our treaty with Cenred no longer holds.  We are at war,” despite the fact that we actually haven't even met Cenred in the show yet and he hasn't attacked Camelot or anything (he doesn't agree to do that until Season 3, when Uther is incapacitated and the kingdom is weak).  Uther also later refers to Cenred as Camelot’s “sworn enemy.”  So the treaty just appears to have been a temporary, shaky peace between kingdoms that are frequently in conflict, the terms of which we are not privy to.

We know that Uther “offers a handsome reward for anyone with magic” (2.09, when the bounty hunter shows up with Freya), and we know that normal people will turn others over to bounty hunters for their own benefit (“How did he find you?” / “You can't always trust people.”)

We know that Aredian (the witchfinder) has been operating “in foreign lands” (aka, not Camelot).

So, the question I asked myself was this: why would Cenred and Uther even agree to a peace treaty in the first place, when their kingdoms are clearly constantly at odds with one another?  And looking at the other tidbits of information above, the framework I constructed for myself was that I personally think part of the aforementioned treaty involves Cenred turning people with magic over to Uther - and perhaps allowing Uther's agents over the border to do their own hunting - in exchange for some kind of compensation (probably financial).  We know Cenred is greedy (he's aiming to conquer Camelot even though he is, per his own words, “rich and powerful already”), and we know he canonically has the means to give Uther what he wants (agreements with slave traders working within his borders).  And given that the treaty appears to have been a fairly recent development in 1.10, my personal read is that this treaty was signed sometime before Merlin left Ealdor, and that it prompted an uptick in dangerous activity that frightened Merlin's mother and made her more willing to send him away.  Bounty hunters nabbing people on the road, slave traders being given the freedom to operate without interference, rumors of single agents like the Witchfinder roaming the countryside - all of this would lead to the far more immediate concern of “what happens if somebody in Ealdor thinks Merlin might be magic and decides to make a quick shilling by turning him in????”

I think that is Hunith's biggest concern.  Ealdor is poor.  And Merlin himself says his departure was prompted by not being able to trust the people around him.  When Freya tells him, “you can't always trust people,” he replies, “I know.  That's why I left home.”  And if there were suddenly a higher demand for people with magic, due to Cenred and Uther's arrangement, then there would be more incentive for regular people to look for a way they could turn it to their advantage, especially if they've already been conditioned to see magic as an evil/dangerous thing.  

I think this leads to Hunith being even more cautious, and putting even tighter restrictions on Merlin re: where he can go and when he can be out and who he can go wandering around with, and even on using magic for little things at home where no one can see.  And the problem with this is that Merlin won't tolerate it anymore, not the way he did when he was younger.  Not because he doesn't want to listen to her or because he doesn't understand that she's trying to help him, but because he just can't.  He can't.  It's killing him.  He tells Gaius in 1.01, “if I can't use magic, I might as well die,” and that’s not just him being dramatic; he really feels that way.  He doesn’t just have magic, he is magic.  He can't suppress it that way, without feeling like he's killing himself.

So, to bring us back around to the point of this segment - I think what ends up happening is that Merlin starts pushing back on Hunith’s restrictions, not so he can goof around and do stupid things, but so he can live his life in a way that doesn't make him feel like he's suffocating, so he can just be, without feeling like his entire existence is a crime.  I think the increased pressure drives him more and more frequently to Will, the only person around whom Merlin can exist as a complete person, and I think he becomes increasingly resistant to his mother's directives, and I think his mother gets more and more frustrated with him, because she sees it as him needlessly risking his life, but Merlin is tired of hearing that he can't trust anybody, because he CAN trust somebody; he has somebody to trust right now and he’s had them for ages, and he doesn't think things have to be so dire all the time, if his mother would just see that, but she won't -

And then, when his frustration reaches a boiling point, Merlin accidentally spills the beans.

I don't think Hunith walks in on Merlin doing magic in front of Will, personally.  I think Merlin slips up and tells her, in the course of their increasingly frequent, tense conflicts between “you can't trust ANYBODY/things are too dangerous” and “i CAN trust somebody/i can’t live like this anymore.” 

I think he lets it slip in an argument, as a frustrated justification for “it doesn't have to be like this all the time; things could be better; will's known about it for X years and nothing bad has ever happened to me.”  

And then, of course, it goes very, very badly.

Which brings us to Point #3 -

iii. it was a Disaster.

What I mean by this is that Hunith discovering that Will knew about Merlin’s magic was not a chill situation.  It did not go over well, and it created an interpersonal crisis between the three of them that persists all the way into 1.10.

We’ve already heard canon confirmation of this - “when she found out you knew, she was SO angry” - and it’s obvious that this conflict was never resolved.  I’ve already talked in another post about Hunith’s weird disinterest in/disapproval of Will in favor of Arthur (even after Will’s death!), and Will clearly isn’t feeling very generous with her in 1.10, either - they only interact once, when Hunith snaps at Will to “keep quiet” after he challenges Arthur in front of the village, and after that, they never talk again.  They never go anywhere near each other, in fact.

I know fandom likes to headcanon Hunith as the ultimate mom who is super generous with everyone and would instantly adopt all of Merlin’s friends out of an overabundance of motherly love, but 1.10 tells a very different story about her relationship with Will, and it’s clearly not a completely new issue.  Merlin knew his mother wouldn’t react well to finding out that he’d shared his secret with Will.  It’s why he lied in the first place.  Whatever the relationship between the three of them was before the reveal, Merlin knew that a history of positive interactions wouldn’t make a difference if the truth came out.  His mother would never be okay with Will knowing.

And he was right!  Because Hunith finding out the truth fractures that relationship.  It’s what finally prompts Hunith to send Merlin away.  And that, of course, makes things worse, because a) Will never did anything to deserve that reaction, and b) as I’ve talked about in another post, Merlin disappears without even telling Will he’s leaving.  He just vanishes.  And Will, blindsided, is left in Ealdor with Hunith, who was party to that decision, and he is so...I don’t even know how to describe how full of grief and rage I would be, if I were in his situation.  Merlin was the only good thing in Will’s life. 

I don’t think Will wants to be anywhere near Hunith, after that.  I think he avoids her like the plague.  I think the only reason Will even knows anything about where Merlin is or what he’s doing is because Hunith is careful to chat about it with other people in casual conversation, while Will is within earshot (hence why Will later says, “I hear you’re skivvying for some prince”).  And I think Hunith is probably making a misguided attempt to be kind, by doing that - giving Will a way to stay sort of updated even though they’re not speaking to each other - but I also don’t think her efforts are effective, at all, because the only thing her secondhand updates do for Will is hammer home the fact that Merlin is writing to Hunith instead of him, that Merlin hasn’t directed Hunith to relay Will any message, that Merlin really did just leave without saying goodbye and apparently has no intention of contacting Will again.  And Will doesn’t know why Merlin did that, or what he did to make Merlin not want him anymore, but because Will is who he is, he ends up feeling like Merlin must have never cared about him that much in the first place, and it was just that Will misread the whole relationship; he got his hopes up and let his guard down and believed that somebody cared for him, and he should have known better, because everybody ALWAYS leaves him, and he was stupid to think this time would be different.  And he is so angry at himself, but he is also devastated, and impossibly lonely, because he has nobody in his life, and he has to just sit and simmer in his own pain, because Merlin is gone, and Will would rather crawl over a bed of hot coals than go anywhere near Hunith right now.

And I honestly don’t blame Will for avoiding her.  It’s like...I hate to put this on Hunith, because I do appreciate her in other areas, but there’s just no getting around this: the way she views and deals with Will is markedly different from the way she treats Merlin’s Camelot friends, even though she barely knows them, and despite the fact that she’s perfectly aware that Arthur hates sorcery.  She’s happy to ignore Merlin’s friendship with Will all throughout 1.10, even though that’s the relationship that is in the most desperate need of attention, and instead she chooses to focus on/encourage/praise Merlin’s relationships with people who hate the thing that makes him who he is.  And that is just so...bizarre to me, and I think...I really believe there is a part of Hunith that blames Will for everything that happened, even if it’s subconscious.  Like - I think there’s a part of her that believes that if Will hadn’t found out about the magic, Merlin wouldn’t have been “in danger,” and she wouldn’t have been put in the difficult position of sending Merlin away.  I’m not sure if she truly believed Will was going to sell Merlin to a bounty hunter when he got desperate enough for money (see above re: Will’s situation being a precarious one, survival-wise), or if it was more her fear that Merlin would be too trusting now that one person had accepted him (what if Merlin went and told someone else, because it worked out the first time???  What if he let this thing with Will lull him into a false sense of security?)  But whatever her reasons, she still ends up pushing Will away.  She never treats him with the same kind of solicitous interest that she extends to Merlin’s new companions, and I do think it all comes back to that moment when she found out that he knew.

It’s hardly rational, given what we know about how dedicated Will actually is to protecting Merlin’s secret.  And I don’t think Hunith is like...actively taking it out on him.  But the attitude is still present, as an undercurrent, and I have to be honest about this: the feeling I get from Hunith in 1.10 (and the vibe that I imagine Will was getting from her while Merlin was gone) is that she thinks Merlin is much better off now that he’s moved on from Ealdor, and that leaving Will behind was ultimately best for everyone, and that Will needs to just get over it and understand that he’s not a part of Merlin’s life anymore, so everyone can be happy that Merlin has met such fantastic, fascinating new friends. 

That’s what I hear her saying, when I see the way she completely ignores him while simultaneously loving on the Camelot crew.  That’s what Will hears, too, even if she doesn’t say it out loud.  

And honestly, my heart breaks for him.  He deserved more than that. 

(tangentially, but - I think it bears mentioning, given certain fic trends I have seen, that Merlin himself does not share this viewpoint.  Merlin has never and will never consider his new friends to be a “step up” from Will, and he has never and will never consider Will to be a “past” or less immediate part of his life.  Even after Will is dead, Merlin refuses to tolerate even the barest suggestion of this from anybody - when Arthur tries to say that Will “was a close friend,” Merlin corrects him, saying “He still is.”  Will is just as relevant and meaningful to Merlin in Camelot as he was when Merlin was still at home, and the fact that Hunith doesn’t assign Will as much importance anymore does not in any way correspond to Merlin’s own feelings on the subject.) 

So - the point of all this is just to say that Hunith finding out about Will isn’t an event that ends with all of them coming together and collectively deciding to send Merlin to Camelot while Will and Hunith promise to look after each other while Merlin is away.  Whatever relationship the three of them had before this happened, it’s broken after Hunith learns the truth.  Hunith and Will are completely done with each other, after Merlin leaves.  Merlin and Will are obviously plunged into an incredibly messy situation, thanks to Merlin vanishing without a word.  And even Merlin and his mother have tension - Merlin references the big blow-up to Will in 1.10, but there’s also a moment in episode 1.01, too, that is VERY subtle but also very telling, when Gaius says “your mother asked me to look after you.”  Merlin’s response is just, “Yes,” but the way he delivers it - he looks away, and his mouth tenses up, and there’s this little hesitation and then the tone is almost - rueful, like there’s more he’d like to say but he refrains.  It’s like a “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” vibe.  And the reason for that is because the circumstances under which his mother asked Gaius to look after him were a mess.  Merlin tells us straight-up in 1.10 that he didn’t want to leave home.  The entire thing was a disaster.

iv.  the reason hunith was “so angry” is because will did not find out about merlin's magic by accident

I think I've talked about this briefly before, but here it is in more detail: I am firmly convinced that Merlin told Will about his magic, as opposed to Will finding out accidentally.

It's not something we can actually know in a canon sense, obviously.  And I know the “Will almost has an accident and Merlin uses magic to help him” motif is more common in fic.  But the reason I’m so set on this is because of how Merlin describes Hunith's reaction to finding out that Will knew.  

“When she found out you knew - she was so angry.”  The way Merlin says that - he shakes his head, almost in awe, like it was something almost frightening to behold - the way he puts an emphasis on “so angry” - to me, this has always been an indication that Merlin voluntarily disclosed his magic to Will.  We know enough about Hunith to be familiar with how gentle and calm she is, and how much she loves Merlin, and how kind and understanding she is with him.  I think if she learned that Will had found out about Merlin's magic in an accidental way - ie, in a way Merlin could not have reasonably prevented - then even though she would still have wished that Merlin had told her sooner, she wouldn't have reacted in a way that made Merlin reflect on it like she was scary-angry.  I think she would have understood, if he explained that he'd been forced into a situation to use his magic to help someone or prevent a bad accident from happening.

However - if Merlin had TOLD Will about his magic, voluntarily, when he didn't have to, just because he felt like it, despite all of Hunith's warnings and all of her efforts to keep Merlin safe - that, I think, is something that would have prompted the kind of anger Merlin references.

To Hunith, that would be unconscionably reckless.  After all she's done to keep Merlin alive, after spending every day of her life sick and sleepless with worry - to have Merlin so easily throw her work away like that, in blatant defiance of every cautionary thing she's ever told him - it's a slap in the face.  Plus, Merlin is now in more danger (she thinks) which just amplifies her fear, and thus her fury.

But what she doesn’t understand is that Merlin didn't do it to hurt her.  He didn't do it because he doesn't appreciate how hard she works to keep him safe.  He did it because he had to.  There came a moment, at some point in the past, where he became so lonely and so desperate to be seen that he made a choice, took a risk, and put his life in someone else's hands.

And he was rewarded for that choice!  Merlin never, ever would have made it in Ealdor without Will’s honest companionship.  A Merlin who did not have a single friend to know and love him for those first two decades would have been utterly unrecognizable by the time he arrived in Camelot - if he even survived long enough to get there.

But Hunith doesn't understand the depth of Merlin's desperation.  She thinks that him telling Will was a foolish, uncalled-for risk, when for Merlin it was a lifesaving necessity.  

So, I think that this is part of what makes Hunith react so badly.  And I also think the severity of her reaction (and the ultimate tragic outcome that follows in 1.10) is something that lingers in Merlin’s mind for a long time, because he never willingly discloses his secret to anyone again.  Gaius and Lancelot find out by accident.  Freya, Gilli, and Daegal find out by necessity, because Merlin needs to leverage his magic in one way or another in order to save their lives.  Even Arthur is a forced confession, demanded by desperate circumstances.  

Merlin doesn't choose to reveal himself to those people.  It's something that's pushed onto him.  Will is a singular instance.  Merlin has only voluntarily shared his secret with one person - just because he wanted to, not because he was forced to, just because he trusted them, just because he wanted that connection so badly.  

And it leads to such painful consequences, in the end, that he never does it again.

in conclusion:

So, to summarize, my foundational thoughts on how this went down can basically be boiled down to those four things: it wasn't the result of carelessness, Merlin was the one who let it slip, it was a huge disaster with long-lasting consequences, and part of the reason why it went so badly is because Hunith found out that Merlin had voluntarily told Will about his magic, as opposed to Will finding out accidentally.  

But, as always, those are just my own personal thoughts about it, and I am still 100% happy to read about all sorts of differing envisionings of this scenario - nothing is confirmed in canon, obviously, so for people who imagine this event differently, have at it!  The world can always use a little more of Merlin’s pre-canon life, if you ask me. :D

[ryik-the-writer]

Note: I started this fic way back in 2016, and had this Thanksgiving-themed chapter planned in advance.

Over four years and several bouts of depression-induced writers blocks later, I’m glad to finally get it out. 

I present to you: Marinara Main - Burnt Bits I . Feat. Rumbelle and a big dash of baby! swanfire.

A03

Mr. Gold pulled into Belle’s next stop, smiling at her apologetic grin as she jumped out and grabbed two pizzas from the back and bounded up the stairs to her customer’s home.

It had been two months since Belle’s French Bread’s business car had burst into flames, setting off a chain of events that involved him lending his assistance, or just his vehicle really, on her deliveries and them dating on the side. It was where they could be together without the mocking or overbearing look from the town. It was theirs, and even if Belle was delivering pizzas and Gold was just watching from the window, they were together and having the seats smell like melted cheese was worth every second.

“How’d it go?” he inquired when she jumped back in the front seat.

She leaned in and kiss his 5 o’clock shadowed cheek. “$6 tip.”

“Hmm. I should have glared at him a little more, make him drop a full $10.”

Belle gave him an unamused look. “I asked you not to scare my customers.”

“Just making sure they’re not gouging you, dear.”  

Belle sighed. She knew her sweetheart meant well, but she valued her independence. She swallowed her pride when he offered her his car for the sake of her family’s business, and held her head tall when she moved into his spare room after her accident, but drew the line with him bullying her customers into paying her sums she wasn’t offered.

It was there last delivery of the night so Belle decided to drop the disagreement for now. She had other things to worry about anyway.

“Didn’t you say Bae had an old bike gathering dust in your garage?”

“I’ve began using it as a garden decoration it’s been sitting around for so long. Why?”

“How much would you want for it?” she hated equating money into their conversations. It was gross reminder of their status difference, something he swore up and down he kept forgetting about but haunted her.

Mr. Gold slowed to a stop at the stop light. “Belle, I apologize for earlier. I was just being facetious, I swear.”

Belle paused. “Thank you for that, but what does that have to do with the bike?”

“You don’t want me to drive you around anymore.”

Belle cringed at the accusation. “That’s not it at all!”

He sagged in his seat with relief and Belle couldn’t help but laugh, relaxing when he joined her. They really needed to work on not jumping to conclusions.

“What do you need a bike for then?” He inquired.

“I don’t want you working on Thanksgiving.” She answered.

Gold looked at her. “Your father is making you work on the holiday? Is he mad?”

Belle rolled her eyes. She wondered sometimes if her father really was.

“No, just blinded by dollar signs. I read him something about how in China people have fried chicken instead of turkey and now he’s convinced that if we’re open people will forgo the turkey and order a pizza.”

“Logical.” Gold deadpanned, speeding up at the green light. “As for the bike, never you mind. You can borrow my car.”

“Won’t you and Bae be going away for the holiday?”

Mr. stared at the road ahead. “It’s always been just the two of us. Not much to celebrate really.”

Belle felt her heart sink, knowing that story all too well. After her mom died, Belle had her father spent many holidays in their quiet home with TV dinners in their laps and a game blaring. After he opened the business, holidays got livelier but there was still this sickening loneliness that bounced around in her gut.

“Well, I’ll just have to convince my dad to close shop early.”

Gold blinked from his gaze and turned to her. “Why’s that?”

“Because I’m going to need his help turkey shopping if we’re having you and Bae over.”

Gold startled back the horn, his hands flinching around a he tried to grasp the proposition.

“I…no Belle really. We couldn’t impose.”

“You’d be doing me a favor actually. I haven’t had a proper Thanksgiving meal in years.”

Gold pulled into the parking lot of French Bread. He wanted to say know, wanted to save her the burden of having him invade her home on a day that was restricted for family. However, he couldn’t resist the hopeful gleam in her eyes.

He sighed and nodded. Belle squealed and nearly jumped into his seat, kissing him roughly on the cheek.

“This is going to be great! I got to go make out a menu! I’ll call you tomorrow!”

He said nothing as she charged from his car to her business. He waited until the light came on before he made his way quietly home.

After checking on Bae’s homework situation, he stepped into his office and discretely pulled out the antique ring he had planned to offer Belle.

He wanted to be excited, and in a way, he was. His son would be able to have more festive holiday and he’d be able to spend more time with Belle, and hopefully find the right time to ask her the big question.

But crowds were not his forte, and he still wasn’t sure how her “boys” felt about him, let alone her father. He did not want to face another kidnapping escapde like he did on “poker night.”

Sighing, he left the ring alone for now, making a mental note to stop by the liquor store on his way to Belle’s tomorrow for two bottles of wine: one for tonight and another for the holiday.

-,-,-,-,-

Belle double-checked her table setting as fidgeted around the small kitchen of her and her father’s apartment.

Five plates were set: her and her father’s, Mr. Gold’ and Bae’s, and a guest her father had invited that may or may not show up.

Jefferson and Grace were heading to Jefferson’s in-laws, whom they both hated but had to visit at least once a year to avoid a nasty custody battle (which often lead to a week of pre-panic attacks from Jefferson; thank God they put that cot in the backroom).

Merlin was heading to dinner near Boston for a football game, and then to a children’s hospital, and Will was meeting Anastasia’s parents for the first time and asked only for prayers.

Belle checked the clock; it was just past 12:30 and “dinner” started at 2:30. She never quite understood this tradition of eating so early, but decided not to argue when she had five stomachs to worry about.

Belle hummed as she thought about her father. He had left early in the morning to pick up their “mystery guest”.

Thank Gods.

Moe French had started their pizzeria on a whim all those years ago, and really had no legit culinary skills. If it weren’t for her and Merlin jumping in and secretly taking over, French Bread’s would have literally burned to the ground. All his recipes had to be seriously revamped, but thankfully Moe was out half the time, handling the books or the equipment or something else that kept him far away from the food.  

Just as Belle was checking the turkey’s temperature, a knock thundered through her father’s tiny apartment. Belle panicked a bit. Whoever was at the door was extremely early, and the she had no idea how she would entertain them for two hours while she tried to finish the meal.

She threw her oven mitts on the table and rushed to answered the door before anything burned, blinking at who was there.

“Hey,” Jefferson smiled shyly.

“Hi Jeff,” Belle greeted, stepping aside to allow them entry. “What can I…”

She glanced around him and noticed Grace wasn’t with him, which wasn’t a surprise, but he was supposed to be with her.

Belle asked bit urgently. It was no secret that Jefferson had major issues with his late-girlfriend’s family. They never thought he was good enough for her, and all but disowned her when she fell pregnant. Following her death when Grace was just over a year old, they suddenly wanted sole custody. Pinning down a job at French Bread’s had been the first step to securing Grace’s future, and Belle had been so patience with his back-and-forth court dates while he sorted himself out.

She only hoped something wasn’t stopping him from attending his mandatory dinner.

“What’s going on?”

“They um…” Jefferson shrugged. “I…decided not to go.”

Belle eyed him carefully, seeing the bags under his eyes.

“Ah,” Belle said with an affirmative nod, knowing now that she couldn’t turn him away, holiday or not. Her and the rest of the French Bread’s crew were all he really had.

She stepped aside. “You’re on dishes duty.”

“Deal!” Jefferson gasped, pulling her close and giving her a smack on the cheek so loud it made Belle’s ears ring.

“Down boy!” Belle hissed, giving him a playful smack. “You stir the beans while I move the table around.”

Belle had just placed two more plates down when someone knocked on the door yet again.

She answered it with a huff, and was a bit surprised to see Merlin enter, a brown bag in his hand.

“Hi,” she greeted a bit uneasily. Merlin had left after closing yesterday to make his trip, and wasn’t due back until Sunday. By the look on his face, he hadn’t stopped to rest.

She ushered him to the kitchen where Jefferson pulled out a chair for him to sit.

“What is it?” she asked earnestly, unnerved to see her strong-minded friend in such a state.

“Nimue was at my hotel,”

Belle and Jefferson both paled. Belle didn’t know all the details about Merlin’s borderline insane ex-girlfriend, but did know that he came to Storybrooke to get away from her.

“How did she know you were there?”

“I have no idea,” Merlin sighed, exhausted. “I saw her before she saw me, and I got out of there as fast as possible,”

Belle nodded, sharing a look with Jefferson.

“How about you stay for dinner,” Belle insisted. “We’ll walk you home tonight.”

Merlin began to stand, muttering something about not wanting to impose, and Belle had to stand on her toes to weigh him down.

“You’re imposing as much as Jefferson over here is,” Belle joked. “Help me figure out this new table arrangement.”

As her friends helped her in the kitchen, Belle glanced down at her phone. Nothing from Gold or Bae yet.

Belle frowned, wondering what was keeping her kind-of boyfriend and his son, and more importantly if she was going to be able to fit them in her tiny apartment now that there were so many extra people.

Just as she about to pull out the chair she had in her bedroom, the doorbell sounded once more.

“I’ll get it,” Merlin volunteered. Like Belle, he hoped it was the Gold’s.

The resounded “oh” he released afterwards gave Belle the answer she needed.

“Hello darlings!” came a high accented voice.

Everyone turned as a tall blonde woman head to toe in scarlet entered Belle’s tiny living room, wearing sunglasses that left only the tip of her nose exposed.

She gasped and inspected Belle’s home like a tourist who has stepped foot onto Time Square for the first time, even looking at her and her guests like they were performers.

Merlin and Belle exchanged curious looks, and just as she was about to ask who the tell was in her home, Will came bounding through the house, throwing a series of suitcases into her entryway.

He collapsed against the door, looking up with her a nervous smile.

“Hey…”

“Hi,” Belle greeted, eyeing the blond as she examined her father’s dusty shelf of knickknacks. “What’s uh…what’s going on, Will?”

Just as she said that the woman turned around, approaching Belle with a wide smile.

“Darling, thank you so much for having us,” she said as she kissed Belle’s cheek.

Belle stared at her wide-eyed, shooting another at Will.

“You remember, Belle,” Will said with a strained smile. “You said you wanted Ana and I here for Thanksgiving and you wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

Belle’s eye twitched. “Of course…” she said, her mind going into overdrive as she struggled to think how she was going to fit nine damn people at two-person table.

She snuck a calming breath. This is what holidays were about, and there was no way in Hell she was turning Will, a man she saw as a brother, out the door.

Besides, she and the other men of French Bread’s were wondering about this mystery girl Will would take weekends off to see, would take extra shifts for so that he could make a few extra bucks. The four of them had everything on the table when it came to each other, all their past and present secrets.

Or so Belle thought.

Still, she smiled whole-heartedly. “It’s great to meet you, Ana,”

Ana offered a wide, glass-like smile. “Thank you, your home is so,” she glanced around. “…simple!”

All the goodwill Belle was ready to extend crumbled around her, and it was then all the little details Belle had noticed about her had gathered together.

High quality clothes and accessories, gawking at simple, working people.

She was a rich bitch. Like Regina, like countless other people who turned her nose up at people like them.

Belle glanced at Will. Did he know? Did he care?

His gaze was pitiful, begging her not to say anything.

He did know then. Belle felt a bite of betrayal on her heart. Why would he deliberately associate with someone like her, someone who would only hurt him.

A calming hand met her shoulder, and Belle met Merlin’s warning glare.

“Ana,” he greeted. “Please make yourself at home. Belle, Will and I are going to work on the seating situation.”

Ana nodded, a pleased gasp escaping her lips when she studied her father’s tacky decorations.

Merlin steered Belle and Will into the kitchen where he and Jefferson had watched the exchange.

“Thanks for the heads-up, Will,” Belle sighed exhaustedly.

“It was really last-minute, I’m sorry,” Will said.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,”

Will’s gaze melted into a glare. “And just what is that supposed to mean?”

“Okay,” Merlin said, moving between them. “How about we try to get through dinner before we start class warfare, okay?”

Belle and Will glared at each other, but it was Belle’s whose gaze lowered first.

“You’re right,” Belle agreed. “We have to figure out this seat issue before we all end up in the park.”

Will met her smile. They’d work it out, but now they had to make an already stressful day suitable for everyone, including his unexpected guest.

“What if we ate on the floor, Chinese-style?” Jefferson suggested.

They all chuckled, the sour mood broken some.

“That might be our only option, hands in everyone,”

Four hands piled on each other as a plan came into place. They were putting on Thanksgiving dinner even if a wall had to be torn down.

“One…”

“Two…”

“Three!”

                                                          0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Meanwhile…

“Stop moving!” Emma gnashed Baelfire as she glared at his puffy finger under the high-powered magnified glass in his father’s study, the glistening stone of Belle’s hopefully-soon-to-be engagement ring glistening.

“Sorry,” Bae sniffed, and Emma sighed.

“Hold it together, Bae,” Emma warned gently, reaching out to pat his son’s shoulder. “This isn’t…well actually this is your fault.”

“It’s as much as my fault as it is yours,” Bae barked. It had been a joke, when he tried on the ring he found on his father’s desk. He’d brought it to Emma and the two gushed and joked at the engagement that was to come, ready to giddily tease Bae’s father when he came out of the shower, and get the details about the obvious proposal on the way. But when Bae had slipped it on—just as a joke mind you— he knew instantly there was a problem. It was too tight, and his finger began turning pink from the strain.

Now they were struggling to get the thing off, half dressed in their holiday best for Thanksgiving dinner.

Emma released an aggravated sigh. “We’re going to have to go to the hospital.”

“But we’ll lose the ring!”

“I think your dad would rather lose the ring than your finger!” Emma argued.

Bae pondered quickly. This would ruin everything.

The ring had belonged to his dad’s Aunt Genevieve, one half of the spinster aunts that raised him. They died long before Bae was even born, but with all the stories he told of them, of how much they loved each other during a time where the law and world wouldn’t see them as one, he already knew them.

The ring was one of love, one that his father had held onto and hadn’t even given to Bae’s mother (she was more of a diamond person). But Belle would appreciated the story behind it, and she would wear it with pride.

No!

Bae jumped up and began desperately searching for anything that could be used to slide off the ring.

“Let’s go get some dish soap,” Bae began to suggest when the sound of his father leaving the bathroom echoed from the hall.

“Well, we’re screwed,” Emma shrugged.

“Not yet,” Bae denied, mind reeling with thought. If his dad caught them, they’d be at the hospital with a saw before they knew what hit them!

“Check the desks,” Bae suggested in a hoarse whispered. “Maybe he has ink or oil from his antiques or something!”

Emma gasped. “We have baby oil at my place! We can sneak it out before my parents catch on!”

“Yes!” Bae hissed, heading to the door.

“Bae, where are you?” Gold called close by, causing Emma and Bae to shrink back.

Emma glanced around and made a b-line to the window. She opened it and made a quick survey of the distance and began stepping out.

“What are you doing!” Bae hissed, panicked.

“What does it look like?” Emma hissed back. “We should be find if we jump from here.”

“Jump! Off the roof?” Bae squeaked.

Emma glared up at him from her place near the gutters. “You want to risk it or you want to wait for your dad to find us and kill you for sure.”

Bae glanced back to the door where he could hear his father moving about. With a groan, he stepped out of the window, gripping the tiles for dear life as Emma led them to the draining pipe.

“Hold on tight and slowly slide down,” Emma instructed, easing onto the pipe.

“How do you know about this?” Bae whined as he watched her slide down like a firefighter on a pole.

Emma gave him a look when she hit the ground, placing her hands on her hips and waiting for him expectedly.

Gulping, Bae took hold of the pipe, trying to steady his breathing as he tried to gain a hold. He tried to up it with his shoes, but slipped instantly, having to grab the gutter to keep from falling.

“Shit, shit!” Emma gasped as Bae hung from the gutter. “Just…don’t think about the ground!”

“Thanks for the adv—”

The gutter snapped, and Bae managed to hold onto the bending metal until it started snapping off the foundation and Bad landed head-first into a neatly trimmed shrub.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!” Emma panicked, grabbing hold of Bae’s leg. “Please be alive, please be alive…”

Bae groaned and slowly sat up, his face scratched and eyes unfocused.

“Anything feel broken?” Emma asked as she carefully picked leaves and twigs out of his curls.

“My brain’s still shaking, hang on,” Bae groaned.

“Bae?” Gold’s voice echoed from the office above.

“Break’s over!” Emma hissed, grabbing Bae and dragged him through the back garden and down the street.

                                                    0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Mary Margaret Nolan was –understandably – quite surprised when she answered the door and found the young Baelfire Gold and her daughter standing on her steps.

“Hi Mrs. Nolan,” Bae greeted with just the lightest air of nervousness.

“Hi, Bae,” Mary Margaret greeted uncertainly. “I…wasn’t expecting you. Emma, it’s nearly dinner time. Your grandparents are here…”

“He won’t be here long,” Emma cut in, grabbing Bae’s arm and drug him up the stairs.

“Hold it,” Mary Margaret called after them. “You know the rules, Emma…”

“We’re not going to my room!” Emma called back, rolling her eyes. She never understood why her parent’s suddenly put the “no boys in bedroom” rule in place earlier that year. Bae’s dad let them be by their selves at their place, especially on their video game-movie-pizza nights in the basement.

Oh well.

Keeping a glance over her shoulder, she led Bae to baby Neal’s room, watching every step to avoid making even the slightest noise.

“Maybe I should do it,” Bae suggested when they stood outside his room.

“No,” Emma resisted, slowly turning the knob. “If he sees you, he might freak out. Just be quiet.”

Bae rolled his eyes but stayed outside the room, waiting impatiently as Emma tip-toed into her baby brother’s room to grab the baby oil.

His father was bound to start calling him or the Nolan’s soon. They needed to get the ring off and back to his place soon.

“Find it yet, Emma?” Bae hissed as he opened the door a crack, meeting baby Neal’s large green eyes.

Bae grinned nervously at the babe, not entirely sure how to act around children. Apparently it wasn’t the right thing because Neal burst out screaming at the site of him.

“Damn it Bae,” Emma cursed, grabbing his arm and pulling him from Neal’s room as Mrs. Nolan called up the stairs.

Emma dragged him into the bathroom just as Mary Margaret sped up the steps to comfort Neal, leaving the two teens holding their breaths and listening to every step she took.

Emma snatched Bae’s hand to hold over the sink, dousing it with baby oil and trying desperately to yank the ring off.

“You’re pulling my whole damn finger!” Bae cursed, yanking away hard and hitting the door.

Emma dropped the baby oil, the plastic echoing through the small bathroom sounding like a bomb.

“Emma?” Mary Margaret’s voice rang, knocking on the door a second later.

Emma quickly locked it, flinching when her mother gasped and began wriggling the knob.

“Emma Ruth Nolan what is going on in there!”

Bae muttered a word that his father would have grounded him a month for while Emma began pushing open the tiny bathroom window.

“We’ve got to risk it,” she gasped, her blond locks flying wildly as she judged their distance.

“Oh…no!” Bae shook his head, stepping back. “I am not going through another window!”

Mary Margaret continued to pound on the door, shaking the knob profusely.

“That’s it young lady…David!”

Emma and Bae stiffened. David Nolan was a great man, but as a father he was more terrifying than a rabid bat in a Halloween haunted house when it came to his children’s well-being.

As they heard the Nolan patriarch’s boots shake the house, Emma and Bae scrambled to the window, now suddenly eager to make a quick get-away.

“Me first, he wants my blood!” Bae hissed.

“No!” Emma seethed, pushing Bae away by his face. “Me first, and watch me this time so you don’t die!”

Bae reluctantly stepped back and helped Emma ease out of the small bathroom window legs-first, sweating profusely as Mrs. Nolan relayed the locked door situation to Mr. Nolan.

“Hurry it up!” he begged as Emma grabbed his collar to pull him unceremoniously through the tiny window as her father began banging on the door.

“You have a big head, Bae!” Emma snapped as they struggled to get his shoulders through the window. Hearing Mr. Nolan’s booming voice threatening to break the door (and Bae’s legs—thought that may have been his anxiety spiraling), Bae wormed his way out until he clutching the tiles of Emma’s roof.

Emma had already located the steady gutter near her room and called out to Bae to follow her lead.

“Slowly…slowly!” she instructed as Bae struggled to grasp onto the gutters with his swollen finger. “Our gutters are cheaper than yours.”

Bae growled as he slid down the tiles, the toe of his shoe sliding over the metal of the gutter.

Just as he thought he had a chance to get off this damn roof without injury, the tell-all sound of the bathroom door bursting open shocked him to the point that he lost his grip on the roof and went spiraling down.

Emma released the drain and flew down the extra five feet, hitting the ground hard.

“Bae?” she cried, helping her friend turn over.

Bae groaned, holding his head as he looked at his best friend.

“We’re having a talk about all this when this is over.”

Emma smirked and helped him up. “Let’s get to Belle’s.”

Just as the words left her mouth the two youths heard a loud bang from upstairs.

They managed to squeeze behind a hedge before Emma’s head shot out of the window, his murderous gaze burning into the ground.

“Baelfire Gold you better have one hell of an explanation for this or I’m going to shake one from you!”

Sweaty bullets ran down the young Gold’s back, his body numb even as Emma began dragging him away.

“We got to go!”

“I…I think I’m having a heart attack…”

“Move it!”

                                          0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Gold searched the misty streets of Storybrooke as calmly as his racing mind would allow.

Bae had snuck out for some odd reason, and if he didn’t have the explanation of his lifetime he’d be grounded until he graduated high school!

To add to the mystery, he could have sworn he’d heard Emma in his office as well.

The pawnbroker sighed and wondered if he had to give Bae the old birds and the bees talk again. His son was a few months shy of 15, and had been more than responsible when it came to such matters since the last time they had that talk last year, especially when it came to Emma Nolan.

He trusted his son to mind himself around the Sherriff’s daughter, and had shown any romantic interest in her. Why Gold didn’t want to jump to conclusions, he was worried that those interests may be changing if they were locking themselves in rooms now.

Just as he was about to turn around, the all too familiar sound of police sirens wailed behind him, the mulit-colored lights instantly causing his head to throb.

“I don’t have time for this!” he cursed, jumping out of the car as they both pulled to a stop.

Sherriff David Nolan stepped out, looking unamused.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you never to leave a car when a cop pulls you over?”

Gold glared at his sometimes acquaintance. He and David got along like sheep and sheep dogs: they did much better a part, and there wasn’t a promise that teeth wouldn’t be used during their encounters.

“When an actual cop pulls me over, I’ll remember that,” Gold snarled.

David frowned. “Okay, enough niceties, I saw your son and my daughter jump out of my bathroom window. I want to know why and where they are now. I have angry in-laws and an even angrier wife, and I am not going back to them without my daughter.”

Gold’s eyes widened. It was worse than he thought. Something was going on with them, and he needed to get to them before they got into any more trouble.

And there was really only one person he could think of that his son would run to.

“I’m not sure, but I will find them,” Gold said, returning to his car.

“Hold it,” David said, placing a hand on the hood of Gold’s car. “You know something, so either I come with you or we can settle this at the station.

Gold gave him a bland look. They both knew David wouldn’t dare, but like Gold, he was a terrified parent and would make any threats necessary to ensure the safety of his daughter.

He motioned to the passenger door, hoping Belle wouldn’t mind an extra guest for the holiday.

“Get in.”

                                            0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Belle managed to hold her tongue as the blonde bombshell gawked at her cooking. It was cute in a way, honestly, her general interest, but Belle couldn’t decide if it was out of delight or judgment.

She glanced into the living room where Will and the rest of the men were rearranging furniture to accommodate for all the extra people. He looked at her as well, begging her to accept Ana.

Belle sighed. “Would you…like to help?”

Ana’s well-manicured hands shot up. “Oh no, darling. I’ve never worked in a kitchen before.”

Belle held back a snort and helped Ana position the bowl of sweet potatoes she had been mashing and showed her how to hold the masher.

“Just keep crushing them until their smooth, no lumps. Then we’re going to put them in a dish and cover it with brown sugar and marshmallows for a casserole.”

Ana’s eyes widened as she awkwardly mashed the potatoes.

“Is this…a meal…all people eat?”

Belle bristled a bit. “It’s pretty popular for this holiday, though I don’t mind eating it whenever sweet potatoes are on sale.”

Ana paused. “You eat discounted food?”

Belle gripped the counter. “Yes, some of us can’t afford lobster and steak every night.”

“What was that?”

“I said I need to check on the turkey,” Belle replied, and it was both the true and a distraction.

Belle opened the boiling oven and poked at her crisping bird. It was the first she had made that wasn’t from a bag, and she wanted it to be perfect…as perfect at her pizza making skills would allow that is.

As she was reapplying the tin foil, Ana came to look over her shoulder.

“Oh, it’s so hot!” she laughed, the sound light and chirpy.

“Maybe don’t get so closed to it,” Belle muttered, slamming the oven shut.

Ana jumped back, tensing when Belle brushed past her.

Belle returned to cutting vegetables for the dressing, Ana coming beside her to continue smashing the smooth potatoes paste.

Belle glanced to the living room at Will’s pleading glance and continued to force conversation for his sake.

“So, what do you do for a living?” Belle inquired.

“Oh,” Ana answered cheerfully. “A little of this, a little of that. Usually I’m in a plane being catered off to some event or another.”

Belle hummed, unsurprised. “Sounds nice.”

“Will tells me you own your own business,” Ana offered.

“You’re standing above it,” Belle returned, chuckling a bit. She was rather surprised to hear Ana return the sediment.

At least she had a sense of humor. Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all.

“Of course, business would be charitable at best.”

Belle’s knife stilled, the small hairs on the back of her neck standing on end.

“I…beg your pardon?”

Ana giggled, not yet knowing the beast she was about to unleash.

“Oh, it’s a sweet little hobby, darling, but you can’t possibly find it profitable,” Ana said, sweet as overly sugared coffee.

Belle gripped the knife she was holding, struggling to hold back all the nasty instincts she had to smash the blonde in front of her.

Yet…Ana was right.

French Bread had been operating in the red for years, but they’d always been pretty well off. Moe managed to keep everyone employed however, and were overall comfortable.

Belle had never looked at her business as a hobby. She saw it as a lifeline, one that she liked at that.

She made something that people liked. She offered her business for fundraisers for the local schools, and took pizzas to families after a loss or birth.

She was a member of this community, and damn it she was a business owner, no matter what she made.

Before she could defend her very livelihood—or even throw Ana’s arse out—Baelfire and a panting Emma Nolan came bustling in, slamming the door and locking it as if they were being chased.

“Bae?” Belle gasped. “What on earth—”

“You got to help us!” Emma gasped, grabbing Bae’s hand.

“No,” he protested, squirming in her grip.

Emma dragged him to her level, glaring fiercely.

“My dad’s probably on his way here with a hatchet, and I do want to jump out of another window!”

“Wait, what?” Belle demanded.

Emma snatched Bae’s hand up, showing Belle his swollen finger.

Belle gasped. “Bae, why are you wearing this?”

Bae gulped, glancing at Emma. “I…well…you see…”

Belle shook her head and led him to the couch.

“Merlin, can you grab my first aid kit? It’s under the bathroom sink.”

Merlin nodded and set off.

“Will, I need some ice, we need to get the swelling down.”

“I’ll get it!” Ana volunteered, practically skipping to the kitchen. “Oh, ice trays, how cute!”

Belle’s eye twitched. “Will…”

Will quickly got the ice from Ana, handing it to Bae without meeting Belle’s eyes.

“Crazy day, eye lad?”

“Yeah…” Bae said, wincing as Belle examined his hand.

“What happened, and where’s your dad?” Belle inquired.

“Probably right on our asses,” Emma muttered. Jefferson chuckled.

Merlin handed Belle the kit and winced at the purple digit.

“Maybe we should get Whale down here?

“NO!” Bae and Emma shouted.

“He’ll cut it,” Bae said. “Then it’ll be ruined.”

“I think your dad would be more concerned about Whale cutting off your finger than a ring from his inventory.” Belle said.

Bae looked down guiltily at the ring unknowingly meant for his possible future step-mother.

A family heirloom and a proposal would be lost today on his account. It was almost too much to bare, especially after he nearly died trying to save them both.

It’d hurt to tell Belle, but he was going to be grounded until after new year’s anyway. Might as well attempt to save one.

“Wait, Belle,” Bae begged as she was dialing the number. “I need to tell you—”

A loud pound on the front door cut him off.

“Baelfire Gold,” came David Nolan’s booming voice.

“Shit!” Emma and Bae hissed, instantly searching for a window.

“What on earth…” Belle began as Merlin began to open the door, only to have David push it open with his weight.

His heated stare instantly fell on Bae, and then on his sweating daughter.

“What is going on with you two?” he demanded.

“Dad, I can explain!” Emma swore as Bae shot up to stand behind her.

He looked back and forth between the two teens, and then finally the ring on Bae’s finger.

“Oh hell no!” he exclaims, jumping to the most severe conclusion.

Bae and Emma followed his glare, paled, and then looked at each other.

“Whoa, no, no!” she burst.

“You two are too young to get married have you lost your mind!” he yelled.

Belle stepped in front of the teens, trying to bring peace back into her living room.

“David, don’t be ridiculous,” Belle instantly defended, ducking beside Bae. “Right?”

“No!” Bae burst, pulling away from Belle. “This whole thing is because—”

The door flew open once more and Mr. Gold burst in, panting like he just ran a marathon.

“I told you to wait for me, Nolan!” he barked. “There’s three flights of steps to get through!”

“It’s a good thing I’m here, they were about to run off together!” the deputy fought.

Gold looked at his son, eyes instantly drawn to his swollen finger and the ring suffocating it.

He paled a bit, and looked at a frazzled Belle, and then the other guests in her home who looked just as confused as she (except the blonde who looked amused —who was she?)

“Belle,” he began, gripping his cane tightly. “I can explain.”

“You explain in the station,” David said, heading to Bae. “We’re going to have a talk young man—”

Gold stepped in front of him, snarling like a wolf protecting its cub.

“Like hell you are!”

“Oh this is exciting!” Ana cheered.

“For god’s sake.” Belle groaned.

“Okay, everyone calm down,” Merlin tried to sooth as Gold and David went at each other.

“Your son is a menace!”

“Your daughter was the one who was dragging him out of windows!”

“Oh my god I want to die!”

The piercing sound of the ancient fire alarm screaming through the air.

Jefferson fist-pumped the air.  “Yelling feels really good right now!”

Belle looked around at her chaos-filled living room, her heart clenching.

All she wanted was a nice dinner with her friends and family – the first real nice dinner she’d had in years at that!

Jaw clenched, blood boiling, she turned to step into the kitchen, Will and Merlin watching her carefully.

Grabbing her broom, she aimed the handle at the screaming fire detector and promptly stabbed it, the thing slowly dying with a low whine.

The room became quiet, all eyes turning to the fuming woman. Even Ana had stilled, this part of the simple life mostly unappealing.

Belle turned to turn off the stove and donned oven mitts, glaring at Merlin when he offered to assist.

She removed the scorched bird, taking a moment to mourn what could have been, before turning to her terrified onlookers.

“You,” she growled, pointing at Gold. “You said you could explain, so tell me, what the everlasting hell is happening here tonight?”

Gold gaped at her, his heart pounding. He couldn’t tell if he was utterly terrified of her or madly in love.

Well, the later was a no-brainer. That was the whole reason he had delicately cleaned his great-aunt’s ring. He wanted her in his life as long as she would have him.

He looked at his son. The boy was no doubt facing a very long probation for putting him through all this, but he very honestly looked remorseful.

Gold looked at Belle, beautiful, bright, brilliant Belle. The woman he loved. The woman who’d brought so much life into his gray world.

Belle continued to stare at him expectantly, and Gold knew he needed to act now if he didn’t want to get sent through a window.

He turned to his son, frowning, and held out his hand.

Confused, Bae reached out his ringed-hand, and gasped when his father represented his whole hand to Belle.

Gold carefully got down on his good knee, the spectators in the room alighting when the realized what was occurring.

Belle’s face as well melted, her cheeks pinking.

“Belle,” he began. “I love you so much. These last few months have been some of the best of my life and I want to have so many more, years in fact.”

Belle’s knees began to shake. She hadn’t planned for this. She wasn’t ready. They should be somewhere nicer than her dingy apartment. She should be in a nicer dress. They should…they should…

“So as soon as a I pry this ring off my son’s finger…”

Bae winced.

“Clean and resize it, I…I would very much like you to be my wife.”

Belle could only stare, all words lost. Is this what true, unabridged happiness felt like?

“Well?” Jefferson urged, causing Will and Merlin to shush him harshly.

David had already brought out his phone and was recording dutifully.

“For mom?” Emma chuckled.

“Oh yeah, she loves this stuff.”

Belle released a wet laugh, tears building behind her eyes.

“I…I…”

The door swung open before she could answer, her headset father clambering in and shivering.

“Sorry I’m late Be…” he looked around and the myriad of strangers in his living room.

His eyes particularly zeroed in on Gold—the man who almost ruined his business not too long ago—who had hastily released his son’s hand and was slowly rising from his knee.

“What on earth?”

“I…think the market might have one more turkey we can grab,” Merlin suggested, clutching Jefferson and Will’s shoulders. “Let’s go see.”

The two men dared not protest. Will quickly took Ana’s hand and led her from the apartment before Belle went off on them all.

“It was lovely to meet you darlings!” she said, not seeing Belle exaggerated eye roll.

David stopped his phone and poked Emma’s shoulder, motioning that they really needed to leave.

“Bye Bae,” she whispered, signaling for him to text her later as Moe and David nodded awkwardly to each other.

“Well that’s different, the former Australian citizen said.

“I swear dad, there’s a reason for all of this,” Belle gasped, feeling a bit calmer once Gold was straight by her side.

There was a sound outside, and Moe peeked out the door, saying something so soft that Belle nor Gold could pick it.

“We can talk about this later,” Moe said, chirpier than he was a moment ago. “I really need you to meet someone.”

Belle blinked, wondering if this someone was the reason her father had been so absent from his business—and her life—for the last several months.

She glanced at Gold, who was frowning sulkily. A beautiful, abet odd, proposal had been smite, he was hurting.

Belle took hold of his hand, smiling when he met his eyes.

It’s okay, she said, we can try again.

He smiled back, thankful.

Moe stepped aside to allow, to Belle’s slight surprise, a woman enter.

Like Ana, she was elegantly dressed, though didn’t stand out quite like she had.

There was almost a familiarity to her, the way her shoulders straightened and her hands clasped over her hips, like someone in charge.

However, her attention was brought back to her current boyfriend. His hand had fallen from hers, leaving her cold, and confused.

“Belle, I’d like you to meet—”

“Why Mr. Gold,” the woman greeted, carefully.

She stepped forward, and Belle suddenly felt like she was being advanced by a wolf.

“How lovely it is to see you.”

Belle shot to her boyfriend. He was pale, trembling just enough that she could feel the vibrations in the old wood of her apartment floor.

Gold couldn’t find the words he needed. Couldn’t even scream if he so chose to.

The very world around him—years of healing, of running—gone.

All because one woman had returned into his life.

“Cora.”

[nerdy-as-heck]

Bitterly By Your Side

A/N: Me? Posting a fic for the first time in 8 months? I'm just as surprised as you are. Ao3 Link

Summary: Logan is a world-renowned author, but not for his scientific journals. For a romance novel he never intended to publish, and an upcoming movie that would finally get the two it was inspired by together.

Ships: Pre-Prinxiety, background Logicality

Warnings: None

There were a lot of things in this world that didn’t make much sense to Logan. What made someone hate a specific group of people for an unchangeable part of their identity? Why would some people continue to believe a falsehood even after being shown irrefutable evidence? Why the fuck is college so expensive? But this. This went beyond every question that Logan could ask himself. Any amount of logic he tried to apply would shatter into a thousand pieces.

For years, Logan had been a distinguished author. Dozens of academic papers, journals, books, and articles were published under his name, making more breakthroughs in science than one could have ever imagined possible. Some were small advancements, granted, but none were insignificant. But that’s not why the general public knows Logan’s name.

Ten years getting a PhD in Astrophysics and one Nobel prize later, Logan Berry’s name is on the Best-Selling Romance Novel section in every bookstore across the country. And Logan will continue to blame his husband for it every time someone asks.

Not that it was really /entirely/ Patton’s fault. Both of them had been sick of Roman and Virgil’s pining that had been going on since freshman year of college. At least Logan’s infatuation had only lasted a month or so before bluntly asking Patton if he finds him physically attractive; that story always gets a laugh every time they tell it. The four of them had been suitemates during their first year, with Logan and Roman sharing their room while Patton and Virgil had the adjoining one. That was nearly twelve years ago, and yet the two of them still seemed to be clueless as to the other’s emotions, even with all four of them once again living in the same apartment.

All Patton had said was he wished there was a way to see them get together, like a movie or something. Now, Logan couldn't direct or act, but he could write. So, naturally, he did the only thing a sane person would do; he stayed up for three days straight writing a 300 page chaotic mess of the two falling in love. Perhaps it was a bit dramatic, and it definitely ended up being far longer than he had intended. But Logan’s train of thought never seemed to stay quite on track when it came to making his soulmate happy.

Of course, Logan had no interest in simply reading it over and over again himself; he printed out the pages and presented it to Patton as an early birthday present. Logan was under the impression that Patton knew it was a simple gift for his eyes only, nothing more. But Patton hadn’t quite gotten that impression.

Logan hadn’t necessarily made it a ‘fanfiction’. Yes, it was about two hopelessly oblivious in love college roommates that got together in the end. The thing that kept it unique was neither character revealing their actual name until the very ending, instead choosing to use a nom de plume. In this particular case, Roman had called himself “Merlin” and Virgil went by “Storm”. Neither the reader nor the characters within the story would learn their true names until the last chapter.

Apparently Patton did not read to the last chapter. Instead, about halfway through, he had believed it was a good idea to take it straight to a publisher; he couldn’t believe Logan had trusted him with the draft of his first novel!

It wasn’t until Logan got a copy of the book in the mail, fully printed and with his name on the cover, did he realize why Patton hadn’t commented on it after finishing. “Bitterly By Your Side” was already in every store in town and quickly spreading. Logan quickly pulled Patton into their shared room to discuss this with him and show the last page; needless to say, Patton was humiliated that he had done such a thing. It took hours to calm him down. Logan simply believed the book would not be popular and it would be taken down from the shelves in a matter of a few weeks.

He could not have been more wrong.

People slowly began to recognize Logan on the streets, asking for photos or to sign their copy of the book. Stores would reach out to him and schedule book signings, which Logan reluctantly went to as a chance to promote some of his other works. No one was buying any of that.

This was about two years ago. Logan had always scolded Roman and Virgil for not reading as often as they should, but it was unexplainable how grateful he was that they never listened. Not once in those years did the two step foot in a bookstore, see Logan scatter away for a photo when he was found in public, or questions the ‘meeting’ Logan seemed to be going to every other week.

By this point, Logan had gotten used to how things were. It was bringing in money to support the entire group, and no one was hurting for it. Though it still confused him why this was the case, he had accepted it as an unexplainable cosmic phenomenon. Logan didn’t even think twice when allowing a company that approached him to make a movie adaptation, with the promise that Logan could supervise on site, of course.

Months later, and somehow the two’s obliviousness had only gotten worse. It was a true miracle that they never noticed Logan being gone all the time or that Roman didn't pick up on the potential movie acting gig. Though the last wasn’t much of a coincidence; Logan always checked their mail and tossed out any advertisements for it.

Logan had only looked over one important detail; the company picking up the story was Disney. And regardless if they had heard about it before, Virgil and Roman both had a dedication to watching it together day it shows up on Netflix. Patton would always tease Virgil about it being their little “date night”, which would be received by a shove and Virgil’s hood coming up to hide his face.

On the night that this happened, Logan was out late at a midnight book signing, and Patton had agreed to go with to drive him home in case Logan was too exhausted. So for the first time in quite a while, Roman and Virgil had the whole apartment to themselves for movie night. As tradition, Virgil grabbed popcorn, snacks, and drinks, running back to the couch just before Roman clicked play.

“Are you ready for what is sure to be the GREATEST FILM of ALL TIME?”

“You say that every time, Princey. Bitterly By Your Side may be Disney, but its a dumb romance too. It can’t be that good.”

Of course Roman scoffed at that, but before he could continue the argument, Virgil just threw a handful of popcorn at his face and hit play. Storm happened to be the first character that came on screen, and the second Roman saw the actor’s face he gasped and leaned forward.

“That man… Is the love of my life.” Virgil couldn’t help but to laugh at the dramatics of such an early declaration, and for a short time Roman stared at Virgil rather than at the movie.

“You think that guy is good looking? Don’t be ridiculous, he looks like a ten year old that got into his mom’s makeup.” Roman could only glare at Virgil for a few minutes before Merlin came on screen. And then it was Roman’s turn to laugh as Virgil’s jaw literally dropped.

“You can’t be serious! Storm is far more attractive than /that/ over dramatic piece of work!” Virgil didn’t even have the words to argue at the moment, simply shoving a hand over Roman’s mouth as Merlin already had a shirtless scene. It wasn’t more than five seconds later, though, that Virgil realized what he had done and practically shrieked, crawling to the other side of the couch. “S-Sorry… But if that doesn’t prove Merlin is the best, then nothing will.” A simple joke had now turned into a full out war between the two, pointing out each small quality in the other character that made them far superior.

“Look at Storm’s purple eyes! And that long hair, I just want to run my hand through it and kiss that man.”

“They’re probably contacts anyway! Merlin has the swoop in his hair that at least doesn’t block his /actual/ green emerald eyes!”

“But that’s the thing, Storm is so shy yet abrasive at the same time! His hiding just makes his natural beauty all the better!”

“Sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you over Merlin’s fifth shirtless scene.”

Of course, it was all joking banter. Despite the insults thrown from time to time, this was a typical thing for the two of them, and tonight wasn’t any different. It only finally died down at a point where the movie was getting ready to end. For some reason, Roman was a moron. Well. Virgil knew that already. A cute moron, but still a moron, one that had decided to run to the bathroom right after the climax of the movie and refused to let Virgil pause it. In the short time, Roman was gone, that was all the movie needed to make Virgil’s fight or flight response kick in.

“Now that we’re dating, shouldn’t I at least get to know your name, angel?”

“...Its Virgil.”

“Roman. A pleasure to finally meet the real you.”

That was. A weird coincidence. But with anxiety, nothing ever felt like things could be so coincidental. So once Roman came back, Virgil was on his phone, googling the book, and every word he read just made his face burn even more.

  Bitterly By Your Side is a romance novel by Logan Berry, published in 2017. In recent interviews, he has confessed to it being inspired by real life events and people he knows, though for now he wishes the details to remain private.

...Oh Logan is so dead when he gets back.

“H e y!” Virgil was next to be assaulted with popcorn as he pulled his hood up to avoid Roman seeing his face right now. “Get off your phone and watch the eye candy! Storm is back on screen!”

...Storm. The character inspired by Virgil. That Roman had been calling hot all night long. And Virgil had done the same to Merlin. Virgil didn’t focus much on the rest of the movie, far too busy trying to hide his ever reddening face and cursing the entire world. Once the movie finally ended, Roman stood up to give the TV a round of applause. But before the credits, there was one more thing…

  And now, an interview with the author of the original book: Logan Berry!

Roman was understandably shocked and sat back down, confused as to when Logan had written a book without telling them. With every word spoken on the show, Virgil’s heart sunk deeper and he made another promise to kill Logan tomorrow.

  Yes, it is true that this novel was inspired on true events. I have two friends that have been obliviously in love with each other for nearly twelve years now, despite mine and my husband’s encouragement for them to confess. Storm and Mer- Well, I suppose I can use their real names now, it's no spoiler since this is shown after the movie. I don't blame either Virgil or Roman for their hopeless pining, it's just something my husband tired of and wished to see come to life in case it never did in person.

After that sentence, Roman was quick to turn off the TV. At least now it made sense why Virgil had curled up into a ball on the couch during the interview. Silence. Silence that lasted far too long for either of them to stand, yet neither had the will to break it.

Surprisingly, Virgil was the one to swallow his pride first. “...so. Eye candy, huh?”

Not even a second later, Virgil felt a pillow hit his head. “Oh shut up! You’re one to talk! Drooling in every shirtless scene in the whole movie!”

There wasn’t a coherent comeback in Virgil’s mind, so instead he just flipped Roman off from his hoodie protection. Roman, being the prick he was, couldn’t let it go so easily though, grabbing Virgil’s hand and ignoring his own pounding heart as he pulled the two closer together. Safe to say, Virgil felt like he was going to explode. “You know the real thing is always better than fiction.”

And then for some unknown reason, one that he would claim to this day as temporary insanity, Virgil’s mind had decided it was time for him to be the moron today. The only thing he could think to do was kiss Roman, so he did. Both were surprised and afraid, but neither pulled away. Not in the first few minutes, not even in the first hour. It was a scene that easily could have rivaled the masterpiece of a movie in itself. By the end of it, they were both out of breath and exhausted, choosing to simply sleep together on the couch.

“...goodnight, Storm…” “Night, Merlin.”

Still. They were going to kill Logan in the morning. But for now, it was just them, and that was enough.

[h0ly-guacamole-batman]

Have you heard about the batfam-big-bang that's starting up soon? I don't mind at all if you ignore this ask (I assume if you're following DC content you probably have already come across it, plus you might not have time / interest). I really enjoyed your YJ fic Come Alive!

Hi, anon!! Thank you so, so much! Come Alive has a special place in my heart, and it makes me beyond ecstatic whenever I learn someone else has enjoyed it too.

Regarding your question: I have heard about the Big Bang, yes! At one point? Sometime? I can’t quite say when or where. I must admit I have not looked into it in much detail. Big Bangs have always intimidated me, though I also don’t know much about how they work. To be fair, that mentality may have originated back when I was really into the Merlin fandom (circa 2011–2014?). It felt like Big Bangs were happening all the time in that fandom, but back then, I was also in the midst of powering through my undergrad pre-reqs to get into pharmacy school. Committing to anything with a word count goal or a time restraint was downright impossible for me then, and even now, 2 years out of school, it’s hard for me to break the habit of automatically rejecting the idea of trying.

All that being said, I thank you for this ask, actually, because you’ve made me think about my growth as a writer and a lot of other things that are making me sentimental and proud in equal measure. Will I do the Big Bang? I don’t know yet. Tbh, it may not work out this year because of my goals regarding a certain ongoing 6-year-old Danny Phantom WIP of mine, BUT you’ve reminded me I can at least look into it, give it thorough consideration, and maybe even try. 😊

Thanks again, anon! Regardless what happens with this year’s Big Bang, Come Alive is definitely not the last Bat Fam fic you’ll see from me. 😉🥰😘

[cupcakezys]

Luck

Another one, this time much longer than the last! It's also VERY heavily based on Moonlit by TheDragon, so if you like this in any way, definitely go check their fic out.

First.  Previous.

Read on AO3.

Pairings: Pre-Arthur/Merlin. (They're almost there, I swear.)

Summary:  “Well.” Merlin said nervously. “Our luck had to run out sometime.”

Arthur growled. “I blame you. I had perfect luck before you came along.”

Merlin gasped, feigning offence. “I’ll have you know Will and I were the luckiest kids in Ealdor. No way this is my fault.”

Arthur grinned, and there were a few too many sharp teeth for Merlin’s liking. “You know, I’m starting to think this Will doesn’t exist. Did you make up a pretend best friend to make me jealous Merlin?”

Merlin gasped, because, well, he hadn’t made Will up, but he’d certainly only brought him up in an attempt to make Arthur jealous, to see if he would get jealous. “You’re really questioning my childhood best friend while we’re being held hostage by bandits on the night of the full moon?”

Merlin regretted it almost instantly. Really, he’d been trying to keep his mind off of that little fact, and what it meant for them, for Arthur. Curse his inability to keep his mouth shut.

“My father will have sent the knights out by now, if that bandit got to the castle with their demands. They’ll be here soon.” Arthur said, though to Merlin it lacked his usual bullheaded conviction.

“Right.” He said anyway, because the setting sun was stressing Arthur out enough, and admitting that no rescue could come soon enough to save them wasn’t going to help either of them. “Well, when they do, perhaps we can visit Ealdor. Then I can prove to you Will exists, and I’ll get to visit my mother. Win win.”

Arthur shook his head at Merlin’s grin, but his lips twitched and Merlin found victory in that. “Alright, fine, when we get out of this we can visit your village.”

And goddess, wasn’t that a scary thought. Will and Arthur together was a disaster waiting to happen. They’d either leave the village in ruins after one too many a prank gone wrong or tear each other’s throats out.

Merlin shuddered as Arthur’s wolf form popped into his head, teeth bared and aimed right at Will.

Perhaps it was best not to think about tearing peoples throats out.

“Ealdor’s outside of Camelot’s boarders though.” Merlin said, frowning slightly. “It’s in Essetir.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “So?”

“Well, pardon me sire, but I thought Cenred didn’t like you and your father very much?”

“Obviously I’d wear a disguise. It won’t matter if I visit, so long as he doesn’t know I was there.” Arthur rolled his eyes again, but Merlin could see the tension in his shoulders. The sun had set.

Merlin nodded. The conversation drifted away, and Merlin turned his attention to the shackles around his wrists. Damned cold iron. He could feel his magic deep within him, buried and thrashing against the restraints. He’d been trying for hours to reach it, to channel it so he could blast the chains away. Each try had just left him panting and frustrated.

Arthur, strangely, hadn’t been fighting his restraints much. In the beginning, when they’d first woken up after the ambush and found themselves bound, Arthur had raised hell and tried everything to get the shackles off. He’d been hit for that, a solid punch to the gut, and Merlin had screamed murder at them when they’d gone in for a kick. He’d received a split lip in return, but at least they’d both been left alone after that.

Now, though, Arthur was curled up on himself tightly and facing away from Merlin and the door to the cell they’d been thrown in under an old, forgotten building. It had looked like a small castle to Merlin, but for all he knew it was just an old watch tower. Arthur hadn’t offered any hints, and they’d had more important things to think about. Like getting out of wherever the hell they were.

“Do you really think a disguise will work? I mean, there’s an awful lot of spoilt prat to hide.” Merlin grinned, trying to keep up the banter. Trying to keep things normal.

Arthur snorted, and looked at him with raised eyebrows as he all but yelled, all spoilt prince. “I’ll have you know, Merlin-”

Their cell door clanged loudly, something hitting against the metal. “Shut up in there! Before I make you.”

Merlin stuck his tongue out at the door, knowing the bandit couldn’t see him but feeling better anyway. He turned a cheeky smile to Arthur, only for it to immediately fall into a frown of concern. Arthur was curled up on himself, pale and sweating. The cell had a single window, more a crack in the wall than anything. A sliver of moonlight stopped just shy of Merlin’s feet.

“Arthur?” He whispered.

Arthur growled, a distinctly non-human sound that made the hairs on the back of Merlin’s neck stand up. “Don’t. Don’t speak. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Just- please.”

“Alright.” Merlin said, throat dry. “It’s going to be okay Arthur.” Distantly, somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard the bandit that was guarding them walk away. “You wouldn’t hurt me.”

Arthur shook his head, little whines escaping his mouth. “I can’t- I can’t control it Merlin, please, just don’t make a sound-“

Whatever else Arthur was going to say was lost to a low growl. Merlin’s heart pounded loud in his chest as he scooted back against the wall, eyes glued to Arthur as he hunched over further on the ground and began to change.

In the three months since Merlin had started joining Arthur in the forest every full moon, not once had he actually seen the change. He was always up the tree – at Arthur’s insistence – and Arthur went to the back of the cave to change before disappearing into the forest until morning. Merlin hadn’t asked him why. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to see the change.

Now, however, he couldn’t not see. For all the stories he had been told, none compared to actually seeing the change with his own eyes.

Arthur shook like it was winter and he was naked in the snow. Small whimpers and pained grunts made Merlin want to run to him, to stop whatever was hurting him even though he knew it was impossible, no matter how strong his magic was.

His heart skipped a beat when claws and fangs sprung out of Arthur’s skin, as sharp as any sword he’d ever seen. He started growing, muscles straining as golden fur covered him from head to toe. In an age and a blink of the eye the rest of the transformation was complete, and Merlin was left staring terrified at a huge, golden wolf.

He gulped.

A huge golden wolf that had apparently been much too strong for his chains. The shackles previously around Arthur’s wrists were a broken mess on the floor.

That was not good.

He tried to keep as quiet as possible, honestly, he did. He didn’t move. He didn’t make a sound, besides ragged, quiet breathing, which he thought was acceptable considering the pure panic rippling through him. If Arthur thought he could stop that then he was an absolute prat.

It didn’t seem to matter in the end.

The wolf shook himself, seemingly getting his bearings. Distantly, somewhere in his mind that wasn’t consumed by panic, he wondered how strange it must be, to go from human to wolf, wolf to human. Perhaps he’d ask Arthur later, if they both survived this and Arthur remembered the change.

Glowing blue eyes locked onto his and Merlin gasped.

The wolf started stalking towards him and Merlin scrambled back against the wall. Maybe he should call out. The guard couldn’t have gone too far, and maybe he’d be able to restrain Arthur before he did anything. Of course, they would be just as likely to kill Arthur on sight, and that was something Merlin couldn’t allow. He swallowed his screams down and closed his eyes tight, head bowed.

There was silence. The wolf’s paws were silent on the stone floor, but Merlin knew he was getting closer. He waited.

The wolf whined, right in front of him, and Merlin jerked back so hard he hit his head on the wall. The wolf whined again, and Merlin opened his eyes again.

A wet nose nudged at his cheek, and then the wolf licked him and dropped down to lay on top of his legs.

Merlin stared in amazement as the wolf started nudging his head against his chest, and hesitantly he brought a hand down to pet him between the ears. He leaned into the touch, and Merlin marvelled at how soft his fur was.

“Arthur?” He whispered.

Arthur yipped, a sound Merlin hadn’t even known werewolves could make. Merlin laughed under his breath, relieved and still just a little bit terrified. He was mortified to find tears in his eyes, and he pressed his face against Arthur’s fur in a desperate attempt to hide them from his friend. He prayed to the goddess that Arthur was telling the truth when he said he didn’t remember anything from his time as a wolf. No doubt he’d tease Merlin for weeks on end if he ever found out about this.

Arthur moved in his grip, wiggling backwards, and Merlin let him go in favour of quickly wiping at his eyes. The chains around his wrists clanged as he did, and Arthur glared at them, teeth bared. Merlin glared at them too.

Arthur paced in front of him for a moment, three steps left and then three steps right, before he grabbed the chain on his left arm with his teeth.

“Arthur.” Merlin gasped. “Arthur, what are you doing?”

Arthur, obviously, didn’t respond. He tugged at the chain, his muscles straining, and before long Merlin heard a pop just above his head. He looked up only to see the part where his shackle connected to the wall slowly inching out, until finally it gave and fell to the floor. Arthur yelped and scrambled back a bit, regaining his balance. He dropped the chain in his mouth and looked to Merlin with a wolfish grin on his face. Merlin couldn’t stop a short bark of laughter. The look of pride was completely out of place on a wolfs face, and was entirely Arthur.

“Yes, well done. Think you can get the other one?” He shook his right wrist, the chain clinking against the floor.

Arthur growled and darted forward, biting down on the chain hard. He was pulling for hardly a few seconds before the chain snapped in two, a rusted chain link giving up under the pressure. Arthur looked even more proud after that one. Merlin hesitantly gave him a scratch between the ears as reward, and grinned when Arthur leaned into the touch.

“Thank you.” He stood and gathered up the chains still attached to him, holding them carefully so they made as little noise as possible. “Now to find a way out of this cell.”

Arthur, it seemed, had already thought of that. Before Merlin could say otherwise, he was running full sprint at the door. Merlin cried out as Arthur hit the door, a loud thump resounding around the room. Arthur shook himself, growled at the still-locked door, and ran back to the other side of the cell.

“What the hell Arthur?” Merlin yelled, trying to get between him and the door. “Don’t do that! You’ll break your shoulder!”

Arthur ignored him and ran for the door again. Merlin was forced the fling himself out of the way or face getting bowled over. He fell on his ass, chains spilling from his arms as he went. A second later there was the thump and screech as the door gave way.

Merlin scrambled to his feet, gathered the chains back in his arms, and marched over the where Arthur was shaking himself again. He had that same wolfish grin on his face as before, but Merlin was fuming.

“Are you insane!” He hissed, ignoring Arthur’s huff as he checked him over. “You could have seriously hurt yourself! God, you’re such a prat sometimes. What if you dislocated your shoulder? Or broke it? Do you have any idea how impossible it would be for me to carry you out of here?”

Arthur whined and butted his head against him, tail between his legs. Merlin buried his hands in Arthur’s fur, careful not to let the chains drop.

“Cabbage head.” He whispered. “Don’t do that again.”

Arthur huffed and butted his head against his shoulder.

“What the-“

Merlin startled at the voice. He spun around towards it, looking out through the busted door of the cell. A man, presumably the one that had been guarding them, stood with a flagon of ale in hand and his mouth practically on the floor in shock. Merlin gulped and backed up when he went for his sword, the guard’s confusion turning to fear as Arthur growled at him.

At the sharp scrape of the sword being drawn Arthur went from crouching protectively in front of Merlin to leaping at the bandit with teeth bared. The man didn’t stand a chance. He’d just barely managed to get his sword out of its scabbard before Arthur was upon him. Merlin tore his gaze away when Arthur locked his jaws around the man’s throat, and tried to ignore his dying gurgles as he fell to the floor.

There was the jangle of keys, and Merlin shot a quick glance at the sound.

Arthur had a ring of keys in his mouth. Blood dripped from his muzzle, and Merlin didn’t consider himself squeamish, but he very deliberately didn’t look at the corpse on the floor. He took the keys from Arthur with a small thank you, dropping his chains on the floor. He went through three keys before he found the right one.

The instant both shackles were off his magic roared within him. He gasped and clutched at his chest, letting the magic flow through him for what felt like the first time in years. He shuddered and shook under the force of it.

He came back to himself slowly, glowing blue eyes watching him in concern. Arthur’s tail twitched as well, his whole body tense. Merlin’s hand shook as he rested it on Arthur’s back, half in reassurance and half because he wasn’t sure his legs could hold him up for much longer.

“We need to get out of here.” He whispered.

Arthur huffed his agreement.

They crept through the winding halls of the abandoned building, Merlin’s magic showing him the way to freedom, while Arthur’s nose and ears warned them of approaching bandits. Each time he sensed someone close he would crowd Merlin against the closest nook in the wall, teeth bared and body blocking Merlin from sight. Merlin threw a shield up each time, magic pulsing and eager to be used after being locked away.

No one else noticed them. Between Arthur’s uncanny ability to find hiding spots and Merlin’s magic distracting anyone that got too close, the bandits had no chance. Before long they’d found a hole in a crumbling outside wall big enough for them both to fit through. Merlin thanked the goddess for their good luck as he slipped through the crack.

Arthur was staring down the hallway, ears forward and alert, so Merlin reached a hand back in to poke him in the side.

“Come on Arthur.” He hissed. “We have to go.”

Arthur shook his head, all fiercely determined prince, and Merlin wondered why people said werewolves lost all sense of self when they changed. This wolf was Arthur through and through. And since he knew his prince so well, he knew exactly why Arthur didn’t want to leave just yet.

“We can come back with a whole bunch of knights tomorrow.” The bandits would probably be long gone by then, and Arthur knew Merlin knew that. He barely gave Merlin an annoyed glance as he stepped forward. “Arthur! This is a bad idea!”

Arthur, of course, ignored him.

Merlin grumbled insults under his breath as he climbed back into the ruined building. Arthur was sneaking away, back down the corridor they’d just come from. Merlin grumbled and went after him.

He hadn’t gotten two steps before Arthur turned back around and growled at him. He walked back to Merlin, pushing and shoving him back towards the hole. Merlin dug in his heels and crossed his arms, refusing to move. Arthur growled, a low rumble in his chest without any teeth. Merlin refused to be cowed.

“I’m not leaving you alone to be killed by bandits.” He hissed angrily. “If you’re serious about this, then I’m coming with you.”

Arthur whined and butted him towards the hole again. Merlin dodged him and stepped back down the hallway.

“I’m meant to protect you Arthur.” Merlin insisted, then pointed to himself. “I can hold my own. Powerful warlock, remember?”

Arthur still looked unhappy, but Merlin also knew he was determined to get rid of the bandits before they could turn into a bigger threat. Merlin threw his hands up.

“Look, we have a much better chance at getting rid of them if we work together. What happens if you get surrounded? Or, goddess forbid, any of them have any silver? If I’m out there waiting for you, how am I supposed to protect you?”

Arthur huffed and growled. His tail swished angrily, and Merlin figured he got the gist of what Arthur was trying to tell him.

“We can protect each other this way.” He said. “Now come on. I’d rather this be done and over with so we can get somewhere safe before the sun rises.”

Arthur huffed and quickly forced his way past Merlin, putting himself in the lead. Merlin shook his head and fell back a little, keeping his magic at the ready.

It took them five minutes before they came across anyone. When they did, it – naturally – was the leader of the bandits that had ambushed them earlier that day. Merlin silently cursed their bad luck as Arthur bared his teeth and began creeping up on him. Merlin kept his distance, hand raised in case he needed to do any magic.

Arthur pounced.

The bandit cried out as he fell to the floor, Arthur’s weight on his back too much for him to handle. He started wiggling, trying to get to his sword as he yelled and generally made far too much noise for Merlin’s liking.

He hurried forward, hand still raised as he grabbed the bandit’s sword before he could draw it. He pressed it to the bandit’s neck and Arthur growled low in his ear. He immediately went still.

“How many of you are there?” Merlin asked, pressing the blade against the man’s skin.

The bandit turned his head a fraction so he could glare at Merlin, though he could tell the man was terrified. Merlin didn’t blame him. He’d be terrified too if a giant wolf was growling in his ear.

“How did you manage to get out?” The bandit spat. “Those chains were the strongest we’ve ever had. Made ‘em especially for the prince, we did.”

Arthur growled in the bandit’s ear, causing the man to whimper slightly.

“I think you underestimated just how strong my prince is.” Merlin hissed as he pressed the blade hard enough to draw blood. “Now, answer my question. How many of you are there?”

The bandit spat at the ground near his feet. “Go to hell.”

Arthur snapped, locking his jaws around the man’s throat, careful to avoid Merlin’s newly acquired sword. The bandit yelled as Arthur tightened his hold, not yet enough to break skin, but enough that the pressure was there. Merlin swallowed and forced his voice to work.

“Answer the question. Now.”

“Alright, Alright!” The bandit cried, trying not to move on Arthur’s hold. “There’s twelve of us, including me and your guard.”

If he was being truthful, then that meant there were only ten left. “And our packs? Where are you keeping them?”

“We went through it all, looking for valuables. We didn’t find nuthin’ worth keeping, so I threw it all outside, in the old stables.”

Merlin nodded. “Alright.”

“I told you what you want, now please, call it off.” The man whimpered.

Arthur growled, but Merlin really didn’t want to see him rip another man’s throat out. There were cleaner ways to kill. “Let him go Arthur. Please.”

Arthur growled again, tail flickering, but he did as Merlin asked. The man gasped, hands touching his throat as he turned and backed away. He looked between Merlin and Arthur, surprise and fear in his eyes.

“That’s- that’s the prince? He’s a werewolf?” He spluttered, and while he said werewolf Merlin knew what he really meant was monster.

“Yes.” Merlin said, because dead men tell no tales, so telling him would hurt no one. “And you’re still more of a monster than he’ll ever be.”

Merlin struck forward, clumsy but sure, and let the sword sink into the man’s heart. The bandit gasped for a moment, hands clutching his chest as Merlin pulled the sword free, its blade stained crimson. It took only a few more moments for the bandit to slip back, chest still and eyes dead.

Merlin stumbled back, a brief wave of horror taking over him at how easy it had been to end another man’s life. Arthur whined beside him, pushing up against his chest and blocking his view of the body. Merlin gripped his fur tightly in one hand, pulling himself back together quickly.

“I’m alright.” He said. “This isn’t the first time I’ve killed.”

Arthur looked at him, glowing blue eyes full of disbelief, and Merlin smiled weakly. “Hey, keeping your stubborn ass alive is a full time job. Do you know how many people try to kill you and your father on a weekly basis?”

Arthur shook his head and they moved forward like that, Merlin with a sword in one had and a fist of Arthur’s fur in the other. They made their way through the building slowly, coming across bandits every now and then and taking care of them as quickly and quietly as they could. They’d taken care of another five when they came across the remaining bandits, all of them sitting around a fire in what looked like an old banquet room.

They were spotted almost immediately, and all it took was one cry from a bandit before they were effectively surrounded. Arthur hadn’t dared charge them and leave Merlin vulnerable, and Merlin was too busy trying to think of what spells he could use to notice the bandits circling around him until it was too late.

“What do we have here?”

“An escaped prisoner and his pet mutt?”

“How did you manage to get out boy?”

“Where’s the prince, servant?”

Merlin stayed silent and Arthur growled and snarled, swiping at anyone that got too close. Merlin’s magic boiled under his skin, ready and waiting. Merlin just had to find the perfect moment.

The perfect moment, it seemed, came when one of the bandits – the youngest, by the looks of him, barely a man at all – took a closer look at Arthur.

“Hey, uh, does anyone else think that dog looks weird?”

The bandits all quieted, looking at Arthur as if they were only just realising yes, Arthur did look quite a bit different from your average dog. Merlin watched them all carefully, waiting.

“It is a bit big.” One muttered.

“It almost looks like…” Another mumbled, a frown on his face even as he kept his sword held up. His eyes went wide. “A werewolf.”

The bandits all shifted, wary fear on their faces. One bandit, the one closest to Merlin, dropped his sword slightly. Merlin struck out with his magic instantly.

“Ástríce!”

The bandit went flying, landing with a sickening crack against the far wall, and Arthur pounced on a distracted bandit. Merlin spared him a single glance before he had to concentrate on the bandit swinging a sword at his head. He yelped and ducked, bringing his own sword up in a clumsy block. The bandit – the young one – was clearly inexperienced, but Merlin was, as Arthur so often reminded him, terrible with a sword. His opponent may be inexperienced, but Merlin was too clumsy to hold his own for long.

Desperately, he dodged another swipe of the sword and brought his hand up. “Hætende!”

The bandit yelped and dropped his sword in an instant, looking at it in betrayed confusion. Merlin took the opportunity and flung his sword forward, deep into the boys’ belly. He gasped and clutched at his stomach, looking at Merlin with white faced disbelief that soon dissolved into pain.

“I’m sorry.” Merlin whispered as he pulled the sword out.

The boy fell to the floor and went still. Merlin spun around, not giving himself a moment to think, not daring to, because the sounds of battle had died out in the seconds he’d been occupied with the boy and Arthur could be hurt.

He wasn’t, thankfully, but blood dripped from his muzzle onto the floor below in a gruesome display.

Two corpses lay at his feet, their throats torn out. Merlin shuddered. That was something he’d be happy to never see again.

The final bandit took one look at them and turned to run. Arthur snarled and ran after him, snapping his teeth as he went. The bandit didn’t even make it to the door. Merlin looked away as he screamed.

Merlin dropped the sword in his hand. There was a splatter of blood on his hand, warm and bright against his pale skin. He bent down and wiped his hand on the ground, doing his best to get rid of it before it could stain his clothes. They were too difficult for him to get out, especially when he only had two tunics to use.

Arthur whined, right in his ear, and Merlin jumped.

“Arthur.” He sighed and ran a hand along Arthur’s back, mindful of the blood mattering his fur. “Are you hurt?” He shook his head, and Merlin smiled faintly. “Good, that’s good.”

He stood slowly, Arthur patiently waiting for him. He spotted a broken door, and beyond that, the night sky. He stepped forward and Arthur cocked his head in question.

“You satisfied now?” Arthur yipped and dipped his head in a nod. “Then let’s get out of here.”

Arthur helped him shove the broken door out of the way. Merlin breathed in the clean night air, thankful to escape the stench of death behind them. Arthur seemed to agree as he bound out into the forest surrounding the building. Merlin shook his head and turned to a barely standing stable. He found their bags abandoned on the ground, and a quick check revealed everything was still inside, bar the food Merlin had packed for them. Merlin nodded, satisfied, and shouldered both packs.

A howl split the air, close and familiar, and Merlin quickly made his way into the forest.

Arthur greeted him in moments, muzzle clean and dripping water. He yipped and sniffed at Merlin, checking for injuries, and Merlin laughed as he tried to push him away.

“Stop it!” He laughed, Arthur’s fur tickling his nose. “Arthur, I mean it! Leave my neck alone, there’s nothing interesting there!”

Arthur huffed, as if in disagreement, but moved away.

“Now then.” Merlin said. “Camelot can’t be too far away. Let’s go.”

The only problem was he had no idea which way Camelot was. He hesitated a moment, then picked a random direction and started walking. Arthur trailed behind him in silence for a few minutes. It was only when Merlin jumped over a small stream that Arthur sat down and stared at him, a wolfish grin on his face.

“What?” Merlin asked, hands on his hips. “What are you looking at me like that for?”

Arthur made what Merlin thought sounded suspiciously like a laugh. Merlin, of course, took great insult to that and crossed his arms, pouting. Arthur calmed down and huffed, jumping the stream easily and brushing against Merlin’s side.

“You know, I was definitely right when I said you hadn’t changed. You’re still an absolute prat.”

Arthur laughed again. He grabbed Merlin’s sleeve carefully between his teeth and pulled him in the opposite direction he had been going. It didn’t take Merlin long to figure out why Arthur had been laughing at him.

“You’re the biggest dollophead to have ever existed, you know that?”

Arthur let him go, grinned, and took off running ahead of him. Merlin laughed, watching Arthur run around as he walked. Clearly their escape and ensuing fight hadn’t drained his energy at all. He ran and pounced on anything that moved, from a falling leaf to a clump of grass blowing in the wind. To Merlin he looked nothing like the stories of terrifying werewolves he had grown up with. Arthur looked more like an overexcited puppy than a blood-thirsty monster.

It took them hours to finally reach somewhere that Merlin recognized. Arthur had long since stopped playing, content to walk beside Merlin and, more often than not, support Merlin’s weight as he fought off exhaustion. When Merlin finally looked up and recognized the cave they often went to on the night of the full moon, he could have cried.

Instead, he forced himself to gather a few sticks and set them roughly in a pile on the cave floor. He waved a hand as he dumped the packs on the ground, and the sticks gathered into a neat pile and set themselves alight. Merlin fell to his knees, not even bothering to get out his blanket. He was just too tired.

Arthur whined and nuzzled at his back, almost pushing him into the fire. Merlin clumsily swatted at him.

“Go ‘way Art’ur.” He moaned, eyes screwed shut.

Arthur whined again, then huffed, and suddenly there was fur in his mouth and warmth along his back. Merlin spluttered and forced his eyes open. Arthur had somehow managed to wedge his front paws under Merlin’s head, while the rest of his body covered Merlin’s back like a blanket. He stared for a moment, glowing blue eyes staring back at him, then gave in and let his head fall. If Arthur wanted to be his own personal pillow, whatever. Merlin was too tired to try and make up a complaint.

Something he immediately regretted when he woke the next morning.

Alright, so he didn’t immediately regret it. It was hard to regret waking up in Arthur’s arms. One arm was under his head, acting as a pillow, just like his paw had done when Merlin fell asleep. The other was curled tightly around his stomach, pulling Merlin back against Arthur’s body.

Arthur’s very naked body.

Merlin squeaked and bolted upright in an instant. He could feel his face flaming beet-red as he deliberately turned his back on the stirring prince behind him. He had a few moments of pure embarrassment as he remembered the feel of Arthur pressed up against him, and his body reacted in the most traitorous of ways. He busied himself with looking through Arthur’s pack, the one with his spare pair of clothes.

“Merlin?” Arthur mumbled, voice heavy with sleep.

“One moment sire.” Merlin called, determinedly not risking a glance. “Just let me-“

Merlin cut himself off with a yell as Arthur barreled into his side. He dropped the pack he was holding and scrambled, almost falling if it weren’t for the strong pair of arms wrapped around his back. Arthur had his head buried in his shoulder, seemingly just breathing. Merlin carefully brought his own arms up, one wrapping around Arthur’s back as the other wound it’s way through his hair.

“Arthur?” He asked after a moment, soft and hesitant.

“I thought I was going to kill you.” Arthur said roughly, his arms squeezing him tightly for a second. “I was so scared.”

“Hey, I’m fine.” Merlin hugged Arthur closer, made sure to rub soothing little circles on his back. “You didn’t hurt me, didn’t even come close. In fact, you did exactly the opposite.”

Arthur pulled away, eyes wide and maybe glistening with tears that neither of them acknowledged. “What?”

Merlin snorted, letting his hand fall from Arthur’s frankly ridiculously soft hair to his arm as he pushed him back a little. “Yes, and you were quite the noble, stupidly stubborn prat as a wolf as well, I’ll have you know.” Arthur looked so confused. Merlin relented his teasing with a smile. “I’ll explain it all, but first I think you should get some clothes on.”

Arthur frowned, looked down at himself, and blushed bright red and beautiful. “Right. Yes, I’ll just- do that.”

Merlin shuffled back, letting Arthur dig for his clothes as he coaxed the fire back to life with a muttered word. He sat down as Arthur dressed, focusing on the fire and nothing else. Arthur settled next to him only a few moments later, close but not quite touching. Merlin found himself aching to close the gap and take Arthur’s hand, or rest his head on his shoulder.

Instead, he started talking.

-

The first part of the next installment of this series is up people! This is not a drill!

If you wish to support me, please consider donating to my PayPal.

[capmerthur]

THE BODY SWAP (final chapter)

It’s all in the title :) Somewhere end S1 (after 1.11 Labyrinth, but pre 1.13 Morte). In a land of myth, and a time of magic, Arthur awakes inside Merlin’s body (and no, not in that way). Alternating Merthur POV. Bonus Gaius. Mentions of Will and George.

Excerpt PART XV:

" Do you feel any different, Merlin? Please tell me it's gone."

The words stab through Merlin like a knife.

"I do feel like myself", Merlin asserts in the most joyful tone he can master while his heart splits in two, answering only the first question because at least then it's *not* a lie - even knowing the words mean the contrary of the truth in Arthur's opinion.

(PREVIOUS CHAPTERS UNDERS CHAPTER XV)

XV. TELL ME IT’S GONE (MERLIN POV)

"Do you feel any different, Merlin?"

Merlin had pondered the night before about how things could turn out, after having lifted the spell - if it worked, of course. And he cannot deny that he had thought, if only briefly, about how Arthur might simply come to accept his magic afterwards, as a new part of him; at least, Merlin wouldn't have to hide such an intrinsic part of himself from Arthur anymore, huh. It would have been a lie, too, though - even a greater one than simply keeping the original truth secret; and Merlin had felt guilty for having even ever entertained the wish for the easy way.

But now, Merlin understands that it isn't even an option anyway to start with. Arthur looks definitely worried. And there is no doubt in Merlin's mind about the answer Arthur wishes to hear, even before Arthur actually pleads for it:

"Please tell me it's gone."

The words stab through Merlin like a knife.

Admitting he has (no matter always or still) magic would only create distance between them now. Not even distance because Arthur might grow to mistrust him (you bet Merlin would never give him reasons to to start with); but simply, literally, a physical distance. Arthur would send him away. Arthur would not allow him to stay - not at his service, not in the castle, and not even within the borders of Camelot. Not because he might be a threat; simply because he wouldn't accept Merlin endangering himself - especially as he would feel responsible in the first place for having brought the trouble upon Merlin. In Arthur's eyes, Merlin going along on risky patrols is acceptable because it is, in fact, Merlin's own decision; but Merlin daily having to risk death in his own home for having magic meant to be Arthur's doom wouldn't be something Arthur would simply let be. That much is crystal clear.

And Merlin just doesn't want to, cannot, won't be sent away.

Which means he will have to lie then, anyway. And even worse: Merlin will now NEVER be able to tell the truth; Arthur will never get to know him - at least not fully. There would be no going back. Confessing the truth later on would only put a spotlight on the fact that he lied now...

Merlin though doesn't even hesitate. It's not only that he doesn't want to leave Arthur's side. It's also, simply, that he can't and won't have Arthur worry on his behalf.

"I do feel like myself", Merlin asserts in the most joyful tone he can master while his heart splits in two, answering only the first question because at least then it's *not* a lie - even knowing the words mean the contrary of the truth in Arthur's opinion.

/

For about three weeks, Arthur tests him - tests *it*. Making Merlin fall, throwing things his way - anything to trigger a defensive mechanism reaction. It's lucky Merlin has years of practice about refraining his magical surges, or he probably wouldn't have lasted an hour.

It settles though finally, once Arthur allows himself to believe Merlin is 'his usual self indeed'. The smile on Arthur's face as he speaks those words is both the most heartwarming and the most heartbreaking thing Merlin has ever seen.

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THE END

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THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR AMAZING SUPPORT EVERYONE :) I HAVE SO MUCH FEEEEEEEEELS FOR/ABOUT THOSE TWO IDIOTS AND I HOPE I MADE THEM JUSTICE...

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BACKSTORY : WHO THE HELL DID IT ? (I'M SURE YOU ALL WONDER...)

1) I could have gone fluffy (Merlin thought about having Arthur truly knowing him, or understanding what it is to be him, or something, before falling asleep, and his magic interprets it poorly and messes up. BUT Merlin is too attuned to his magic, he deals with it since his birth, that sort of magic blunders clearly belongs in the past...

2) I could have gone naughty (Merlin dreams about Arthur being inside him and him being inside Arthur in a physical way, and his magic interprets it poorly and messes up. But 1) see 1, and 2) Merlin imo just DOESN'T permit himself that sort of thoughts about Arthur. No way. He is so DEVOTED to Arthur, it would feel like disrespect, especially as soon as in S1. (He will long as time goes by for more contact and closeness though - but I think Merlin never permits himself to think further than the fact that he longs; instead of the specifics of what exactly he might long for). Also, to begin with anyway, imo Merlin doesn't permit himself that sort of thoughts about anyone in general too. I think he's honestly cautious about sex, because it includes losing control, which means his magic getting revealed somehow (how do you think Will ever found out, huh? Headcanon time: Will is older and tells him once about masturbating feeling like magic and Merlin tries and makes a butterfly and the next time he sees Will he's like 'wow, you were right, i made a butterfly' and Will is like ?); so it's just a BIG NO, with everyone and all the time. (It also explains in part too imo why he falls for Freya - she knows magic too, therefore not only does she understand him without need for justification and explanation, but also she is a potential mate, physically too - with her, it's safe. And as the prophecy says Arthur *will* be king, as long as Uther lives he should be alright, technically, so Merlin thinks maybe he CAN have it all after all, somehow - go with Freya until the time comes for him to return at Arthur's side...)

SO: IT'S NIMUEH.

The boys got it all wrong. No one is after Arthur, neither his body, neither his mind... It's just Nimueh coming for *Merlin*.

She understood Merlin has magic in 1.03, and decided he must be gone, in order for her to have her revenge on Uther = 1.04

But Merlin survived (as she realizes by 1.09)!

So to be rid of Merlin she switches Merlin and Arthur (=this fic) - that way, Merlin can't use his magic (and Arthur neither, because you don't learn how to deal with magical abilities overnight... normally at least, she has no idea about how powerful Merlin's magic is) - and she sends the Questing Beast (begin of 1.13) after ARTHUR'S BODY (because it is in fact Merlin) (and it's not kiling Arthur, as he can live on in Merlin's body...)

But, when later in 1.13 Merlin comes to her to beg for Arthur's life, she realizes that Merlin is still in fact in his body, which either means that he is too powerful for her to put a spell on him, or powerful enough to have find a way to reverse the spell even without his magic, which can only means that Merlin is Emrys, and she wants to bring him on her side more than kill him, now that she knows of his importance. And as she wasn't as she says supposed to be the one killing Arthur, she agrees to help (but cannot take Merlin's life, knowing he's the almighty Emrys, so takes his mother then Gaius instead as she doesn't really mind who goes anyway...)

SEE? IT MAKES (SOME) SENSE (And gave me the perfect opportunity to use Bradley's idea, because honestly - WHY DIDN'T THEY USE IT IN THE SHOW! I'm not that much into body swap in general, but in this MAGICAL universe to start with, and with those two idiots? It just works. SO, for the last time, everyone, say: THANK YOU BRADLEY :))

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(By the way, as we're at it, another headcanon: it is more guilt than love that drives Uther / Ygraine. The questing beast was supposed to come for him - a price he had been ready to pay to have a legitimate masculine heir. But Ygraine sprung in between or something, saving him and dying. I cannot buy the love of my life thing knowing he cheated on her behind her back; and guilt is enough of a vicious motivator on his own too...)

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(PREVIOUS CHAPTERS)

I. AWAKING (ARTHUR POV)

Arthur awakes; lying on his back - unusual - and rolls over automatically.

He surprisingly falls, down, hard; and jerks fully awake now - on the floor, near a so very tiny bed, tangled in an unknown blanket (harsher than his standards, even while on errands, he can’t help but notice).

In disbelief, he eyes his surroundings…

Where is he? Has he been abducted?

Think, he admonishes himself - trying to clear his mind; to remember what must have happened, to guess who has dared to commit such an act, and, most important of all right now: Find a way out.

His eyes then suddenly meet Merlin’s, and relief surges through him somehow - Merlin is alive - before his anxiety returns; and double: because poor faithful, loyal Merlin has obviously been taken too; and it’s Arthur’s fault - he must have failed to save them both from being taken, even though he cannot remember anything…

Except when Arthur reaches out to Merlin for him to come closer (they need to share information and plan, but must be quiet as a mouse), he realizes with fright but indeniable certainty that Merlin is in fact a reflection in a mirror; and worse: *HIS* reflection!?

It his NOT his hand indeed that is stretching out in front of him; NOT his clothes on his person; and definitely NOT his own hair falling upon his eyes, as he notices the black strings in his vision range…

Arthur is dumbstruck. He sees Merlin’s mouth shaping a silent O, and he sees the dread in Merlin’s eyes… except they ARE - he feels - *his* mouth, and *his* eyes; and everything is just plainly wrong, and plainly impossible - but undeniably REAL.

He is… Merlin? Or better said, *inside* Merlin? How can such a thing have even come to be?

Sorcery, Arthur understands with horror: Camelot is under attack!

But now armed with the knowledge of his predicament, Arthur realizes he is actually in Merlin’s bedroom. He’s been in here before, once; and he recognizes it all now.

So. Not abducted. All things considered, that still counts as something, right…

And, as it surely doesn’t feel as if Merlin is still somewhere in his own head too while Arthur is inside of it, well… Maybe? Logically? Merlin might then be in return inside his own body?

Arthur suddenly finds himself praying for this to be true. It would be for the best, if Merlin was in his body - if they were the only ones concerned by this unnatural situation; because what if *everyone* was awaking inside someone else’s body this morning? That would be… precarious - the general panic leaving Camelot completely vulnerable to whoever must have plotted this? The worst though would be if the one responsible for this was right now in control of his body, and acting as Crown Prince to do, well, evil deeds… So yes, you bet Arthur truly wants to find Merlin to be the one inside his own body when he finally finds it.

Arthur jumps on his feet, ready for action. Luckily (even though Arthur feels a bit guilty, as he notices his armour in pristine state against the opposite wall - apparently Merlin has been polishing it late into the night then) Merlin hasn’t bothered to undress before falling asleep.

So. First thing first: he has to go to his chamber.

Picking some weapon on the way for good measure, you bet …

/

Simply walking the few paces to open the door though turns out to be a challenge. His limbs are too long, and dangly; it feels like he has two left feet, and he has to try thrice before actually getting a grip on the handle - because he isn’t used to this body, of course - but maybe it is truly NOT Merlin’s fault if he trips over his own feet that often after all…

Gaius is already out - hopefully looking for herbs and not wandering out of his mind… Arthur would have preferred to be able to test right away his theories about how many people were affected by the damn body change; but unfortunately, it would have to wait some more.

The corridors are empty too, except for a stray black cat who walks at his side long enough for Arthur to start questioning himself about asking to the cat if he *is* Merlin - because Merlin HAS to be somewhere, right, as he obviously isn’t where he should be to start with; but then the cat takes another turn… Arthur feels stupid for worrying so much about his silly manservant - but he cannot deny that he definitely will worry less only after having indeed finally found said silly manservant.

Arthur relaxes slighthly though when he enters the kitchen: people are working as usual, apparently not in shock, apparently in their right bodies. He picks up the first tray he finds, along with an extra knife that he hides in his pocket for good measure.

He tries to put on a confident grin as he walks (with the most assurance he can muster in this awkward-feeling body) towards the guards at his bedroom’s door - and can only hope it will look the same as usual to them. They let him pass without trouble, and Arthur isn’t sure whether it’s a good thing. On the one hand, he *doesn’t* doubt Merlin - he simply, intrinsically doesn’t; and would never want him to feel like he did if his guards were to search him whenever he was about to enter his chamber. On the other hand… well, it isn’t Merlin right now entering his chamber, with knifes at the ready… This time, it’s only him; but what if it happens again, and if the one then inside Merlin’s body has ill intentions…

Deciding not to dwell on this for the time being, Arthur enters his bedroom - hoping to find Merlin doing whatever Merlin always does, but preparing for a fight, if need be…

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II. AWAKING (MERLIN POV)

Merlin awakes as if in a cocoon; literally. He is surrounded by softness, flush, warmth; he cannot remember ever feeling so comfortable - and the world can wait for just another few seconds before he opens his eyes, right… Merlin wriggles, shifting on his back, sighing softly as he nestles some more into the cushions…

When Merlin awakes for the second time - culpability sinking in as he realizes he has overslept - his eyes open to a Pendragon red canopy he would recognize even among hundreds. Merlin freezes: what the hell is he doing, sleeping IN ARTHUR’S BED?!

Merlin sits upright at once - blankets falling all around him to reveal that he wears ARTHUR’S NIGHTGOWN too ?!

Whaaaaaaaat?!

This… just DOESN’T make any sense. The last thing he can remind is sitting on his own bed, polishing the last bit of Arthur’s armour before letting himself fall down to sleep (*AN). He surely doesn’t recall walking to Arthur’s chamber, and even less…

Merlin’s mind is reeling as he shuffles out of bed as swiftly as he can. Oh my… What is Arthur going to think? And come to think of it - true panic now creeping down on Merlin at that thought: *WHERE* is Arthur to start with?

His attention is drawn out right then by Arthur calling out his name (Merlin feels relief, no matter his current embarrassing situation) - in one of those thousands yet unmistakably always Arthurian ways to say his name: a myriad of moods and meanings in those simple two syllables - the voice sounding odd though this morning (is Arthur sick?), and tensed (well, he just found his manservant in *his* bed, that might explain it!).

Merlin turns to face his sovereign, trying to feel less self conscious because he mustn’t look guilty, while wishing for inspiration, and buying time until it hits: “There is actually a perfectly valid explan-”

But it is NOT Arthur he sees: it is… himself? His breath catches as ‘utter confusion’ gets a new meaning, you bet…

At the same moment, Merlin notices suddenly just how *not his* his voice has just sounded, and how he’s wearing a very particular ring around one finger of what’s NOT his hand, and how *blond* hair is falling upon his eyes… And still nothing makes sense; but at least it *does* explain how he awoke in Arthur’s bed in Arthur’s clothes: he *is* Arthur?; and… Arthur… is him? MUST be him. He has been calling his name right the right way, right?!

“Sire?” Merlin barely dares to breathe out, both in wonder and in plea (because Arthur CANNOT be gone - the fear and pain and simple *impossibility* of such a concept slicing through Merlin’s mind like a knife).

There is a bright smile then appearing on his face - a smile that doesn’t entirely look like his own though - “Yes, Merlin. It’s me,” followed by a relieved sigh: “And it’s you”. And, despite the shock about them having apparently switched bodies (?!?!), Merlin can’t help but feel warm all over - because Arthur (and yes, it is so clearly Arthur, even in HIS body!) has apparently been worried about him.

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(*AN) Headcanon time :

Merlin uses magic to clean Arthur’s armour in the beginning, indeed. And he still uses magic for most of the chores, as much as he can, of course (washing clothes, mending clothes, emptying chamber pots, sweeping fireplaces, preparing baths, refreshing beds, cleaning floors, cleaning everything, really (except for mucking the stables, because there are always others around, grrrr). But he quickly grows nearly *maniac* about Arthur’s food (picking at it as a way to make sure it’s not poisoned etc…) and about Arthur’s armour: it’s one of Arthur’s protections - so you bet Merlin definitely cleans and polishes and repairs and oils the leather ligaments that hold it together and EVERYTHING the hell out of it, with extra ardor and fervor, with his own two hands, all the while continuously trying to put on it any protecting spells he ever finds, and repeating those over and over at each occasion…  Also, mirrors were probably not so advanced at the time… But let’s say Merlin has an enhanced one, after all he has magic, right…

On a side note, I’m never going to be over Arthur’s priority-thinking (I’m in trouble = CAMELOT IS UNDER ATTACK (babyyyy let me hold you - being Camelot Prince/King is NOT your only worth) and Merlin’s priority-thinking (what the hell is happening = WHERE THE HELL IS ARTHUR (babyyyy let me hold you - your devotion to The (brave, kind, admirable (shut up Merlin)) Prat doesn’t have to mean that you always must come second (and a bit self-preservation cannot be harmful)) *SIGH* I just love those two idiots so much !!!

.

III. DISABLED (MERLIN POV)

But soon, Merlin is terrified.

And not because of the puzzling body swap.

*HE HAS NO MAGIC!?*

(Not that Merlin knows of any spell to reverse their current situation at once, mind you; so he doesn’t actually try anything about it. But Merlin simply knows: there is nothing but blood running through his veins now - no vigorous warmth, no energic flow; there is simply nothing singing under his placid flesh, as he focuses on it.)

He cannot help but wish he’s wrong though, and desperately tries to move a quill on Arthur’s desk behind Arthur’s back - the simplest of things, really; yet he fails, indeed…

His magic is tied to his body. Not to his mind.

No, no, no, no, nooooooooooo.

Merlin is, to his core, *terrified* - as he has never been. Not only because he feels more powerless and utterly helpless than he has ever felt - and worse, unable to protect Arthur! But also because the longer Arthur stays in his body, the more chances he has to find out that he has magic!? (And even though Merlin has nearly told Arthur, once? He is still not ready for him to know right now… Will after all didn’t lie to protect Merlin’s secret on his deathbed for Merlin to take chances with his life so soon after…)

Merlin though decides to push his panic aside for the moment: he simply MUST focus. No matter which sorcerer has this week decided to deal with the Pendragon line once and for all, Arthur’s life is undoubtedly in the balance; and that’s dearer to Merlin than all the magic in the world - included his own.

Because Merlin’s life *has* tilted, on that rocky beach by The Great Seas of Meredor.

Merlin’s earnest readiness to lay his life down to save Arthur’s had been instinctive, beyond doubt visceral; and the concrete force of the impulse had surprised him. Because it hadn’t been related to his first supposed then anyway indeed wished upon destiny. It had merely been a reflex, a spontaneous reaction: what he had wanted to do; more than what he ought to do. And Merlin had realized right then that he had, somehow, but undeniably, actually come to *LOVE* Arthur? He had known, for some time, that he liked him. And he had felt oddly pleased when Arthur had turned up at Ealdor - maybe Arthur liked him too? But if your first thought when someone is threatened is ‘I’d rather die than see him die’? Well, there is a kind of selfishness, even in seflessness, that goes beyond ‘liking’, right…

It shouldn’t have been such a shocking revelation though. Sure, Arthur could be a spoiled, royal prat; an irritating, pompous ass; an arrogant, moronic bully - to list but the top of the iceberg of his massive shortcomings, and without even mentioning the complete dollophead he could sometimes be. But Arthur could also be truly brave, honest, and kind; willing not only to trust but also to actually defend the words of mere servants, ready to defy his father’s orders in order to save a child’s life, and volunteering to help a village not even belonging to his Kingdom, to note only a few examples. Also: at some point, Merlin had realized how what could at first appear as near manhandling tactility was in fact just Arthur’s disguised way to show (or ask?) affection (because one probably just doesn’t walk around asking for cuddles while growing up between Uther’s judging cold glares and Morgana’s sharp witty tongue; and the physical occasional playfulness of the knights training must have seemed like the only way to go…). And last but not least: Merlin owed Arthur his life - if Arthur hadn’t gone looking for a Mortaeus flower… So, in short: of course Merlin had gotten fond of the man. For his own values; and not because he was meant to be the other side of his coin or something. And notwithstanding how so annoyingly beautiful he always was (for the record on that particular subject: Gwen is so adorably beautiful, and Morgana so petrifyingly beautiful).

But, as Arthur - bound to be King one day Arthur - hadn’t even hesitate before choosing to sacrifice himself, in order to fix what he had recognized to be his error, instead of using the (even offered) life of a simple servant? Well… There is a difference still between having the conviction that Arthur is a good man ready to fight for the greater good, even knowing it could be his death; and knowing as a FACT that Arthur *is* a good man ready to *die* for the greater good, even knowing it *will* be his death. And you bet having been proven *exactly* how pure of heart Arthur intrinsically is has only cemented that burgeoning love deeper into Merlin’s heart - simply; truly; and maybe irrevocably. Merlin would now willingly die a thousand deaths to save his Prince.

.

(Feel free to shout with me about 1.11 because *MAJOR FEELS*!)

(And then hug me as I shamelessly cry because this is still NOTHING next to what’s to come - aka Arthur becoming ACHINGLY beautiful, as Merlin turns ready to KILL a thousands times to save his King, blackening his own heart in the process and thinking himself then unworthy of Arthur’s love because Arthur is just so BRIGHT; but wishing for it nonetheless?)

.

IV. PLANNING (MERLIN POV)

Arthur, miraculously (even though understandably; because he must be shaken too, right), is unaware of Merlin’s internal crisis as he shares what he’s uncovered until now: “It seems to be just us. The kitcheners and the guards all seem to be themselves.”

“So. Whoever has done this is targetting you - personnally.”

“Nice to see your wits are still so very particularly sharp, Merlin. Is there any reason for the one behind all this to be targetting you?”

It is beyond odd to *hear* Arthur’s usual tone in his own voice; but Merlin still has the grace to sigh, before pushing his point further: “But why you?”

“Well, obviously *you*’ve forgotten, but I am Camelot’s Crown Prince, responsib-.”

“Which is exactly what’s bothering me!” Merlin can’t help but interject. “Why take on the Prince when you can take on the King?”

“Oh… Do you think… Could someone be… training on us, then? Before attacking-”

“I honestly have no idea. Maybe you got targetted indeed because you’re head of security. We shouldn’t rule anything out.”

Arthur brings his fist down on the table, determinedly: “Well, whatever the evil plan might be, we just cannot permit for it to work. We’ll have to find a way to stop this nonsense - no offense. In the meantime, we must act as if nothing unusual is going on. It might be for the time being our best chance at keeping Camelot safe - making whoever planned this think the spell didn’t work?”

Merlin can’t help but let out a helpless (yet realistic) sigh: “That’s… a lot; on both accounts.”

Arthur echoes with a helpless sigh of his own: “I know.”

/

But if they are to keep up pretenses, Merlin is going to need to be prepared: “So. What’s on your agenda for today - besides the monthly open pleas this morning and the daily training this afternoon?”

“Nothing particular. And there are no coming feasts nor abroad visits planned for the coming time, thankfully. (worried sigh) But there’s concil, tomorrow.”

“Well, let’s start at the beginning. I should do fine enough for the pleas. It’s mostly your father’s duty; your presence is required, of course, but mostly you’re to hear and listen…” Fear grips Merlin at once: “But it’s public; so it would be a great opportunity to try to murder you!” He MUST protect Arthur’s body: “Will you please go fetch your chainmail in my room?”

“No.”

The tone is definitive, and Merlin is torn between begging, or growing impatient - because Arthur can be so obtuse sometimes (now really isn’t the time for Arthur to be feeling indignation about being ordered around like a simple servant; even though he *is* one at the moment - not that Merlin would ever think he was one, of course - but what if Arthur thinks he does and enjoys the chance at some payback?): “Arthur, please (again?). It’s the expected type of errands of the body you momentarily (because it MUST be momentarily, right?) inhabit - I can’t - You’re the target. I need your chainmail. I have no fighting skills, nor any kind of skills really to protect yo-”

“I cannot be seen wandering the castle in my chainmail without reason, Merlin; it would attract attention”, Arthur interrupts in a somehow gentler tone; and Merlin realizes that Arthur hadn’t registered at first how Merlin’s concern was about him, more than himself - and is obviously humbled by the thought. “Court clothes are required, anyway. We’re not supposed to look threatening, nor threatened, when our subjects come to present their wishes,” Arthur pursues, killing any possible protest in the bud. “Besides, the guards will be present. So don’t worry too much about anything happening to us”, Arthur ends in a lower voice; as if the last part had been more a thought to reassure himself than a phrase meant to be uttered - and Merlin just has to savour that precious ‘us’…

Merlin though isn’t reassured enough about his Prince’s safety: “Please (yes, that’s thrice; adamant much?) Sire, at least allow me to wear your thickest leather under your tunic” - willing his voice to make it sound like a not-to-be-denied demand more than a true question.

Arthur holds his gaze; and it actually feels like a blessing when he finally relents: “As you wish; but it won’t be comfortable against naked skin.”

“I’ll manage.” Merlin can’t help but fidget some before pursuing - asking Arthur to do what is and should be *his* work feeling not only weird but even wrong: “But I’ll need your help to tie it in the back?”

Arthur dimissively tousles his hair, grumbling: “I *know*, Merlin.” 'My clothes’ going unsaid.

Merlin can be relieved about one thing, at least: Arthur obviously isn’t piqued about doing a servant’s work…

/

Merlin picks out the largest fitting of Arthur’s clothes. He puts on the braies and trousers while still wearing the gown, respectfully tying the belt blindly around his waist. He puts on socks, and shoes. Then only does he take the gown off, and turns his back towards Arthur so that he may help with adjusting the leather’s straps.

A surprised but definitely pleased whisper (“Impressive, ain’t I?”) echoes in Merlin’s ears, as the Prat Prince seems apparently unable not to comment about his damn broad back, angling Merlin shortly that way and this way as if to assess it even better.

'Believe me, I know’, Merlin can’t refrain from thinking; feeling a blush coming over his face, and thankful that Arthur is too busy looking at his own back to notice any of it.

“I think I might even have outgrown Sir Leon - in width at least if not in height”, Arthur concludes proudly before finally starting to work the ties - leaving Merlin suddenly ashamed of his initial internal reprimand, and oddly upset. Of course Arthur would only wish to see in his physique the strength of a warrior. Of course his first thought, when finally able to actually see his own back, would be to compare it to his given models - the Knights; and most of all among them, to his own chosen model, Leon - both the noblest and strongest of them all, yet young enough to play the part of the older brother Arthur could look up to while growing up… No one has probably ever told him that he is beautiful, Merlin realizes sadly. But the fact that Arthur is so unaware only makes him even more beautiful in Merlin’s eyes…

Merlin forces himself to tease Arthur, hiding his turmoil under their usual banter: “Well, I could ask Gabriel to take measurements, if you so badly wish-”

“Shut up, Merlin”, accompanied by a rewarding hit in the back of his right shoulder, which Merlin gladly revels in, no matter the unusual fist size. This, no matter their predicament, feels normal.

And in that short moment of normalcy, when everything feels just right as Arthur ends tying the leather, Merlin notices something he hasn’t noticed before, when all he could feel was STRESS.

Oh no.

/

“Sire?” Merlin can’t help but wince at the intimidated tone in his voice as he turns around; and Arthur is eyeing him now with furrowed eyebrows. “I think I need - I mean you need… to… have to go?”

Arthur makes a face - with his face; except it still looks somehow like a typical outraged Arthur face (damn, this is just too confusing…): “Merlin!”

“He! Do not look at me like this is my fault! It’s *YOUR* body! Maybe you shouldn’t have drun-”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have brought a full pitcher at dinner then!”

They eye each other, both unrelenting over who is at fault.

And Merlin can’t help but think that somehow he is, indeed, no matter what. Because there are levels in intimacy; and he IS definitely crossing a line. There is a difference between being around and trying to avoid his gaze when Arthur walks in and out of his bath, or applying Gaius’s healing balm to bruises on Arthur’s back because it’s a place Arthur can’t reach on his own, and, well… watching and touching Arthur’s *manhood*, even if only for urinating, technically ensuring no mess is done while doing it?

Arthur suddenly sighs though, and his voice sounds kinder as he offers: “This will surely happens a few times before we sort it all out, huh. To the both of us. So. How should we proceed?”

Merlin scratches his head, summoning some courage: “Do you want to… hold-”

“Your hand, Merlin!”, Arthur demonstrates, lifting the would-be-culprit in the air and wiggling its fingers for good measure; and that’s a 'No way’ if Merlin ever heard one…

“Would you rather it to be your hand-”

“It’s *your* hand right now!” Indeed. So. Another 'No way’.

But suddenly Merlin has a solution, of sort: “What if I… go sit into the stream? There’s a quiet spot not so far from the castle I found while collecting herbs for Gaius… If I hurry I still can make it back before the pleas.”

Arthur actually claps his hands, obviously relieved: “Sometimes, I swear, you are a genius.” He hurries over, handing Merlin his tunic and grabbing the Pendragon red doublet before marching out: “Let’s go!”

“You’re coming?” (hastening to put the tunic on and grabbing a towel before following)

“Well, as I just said, it’s bound to happen to me - you - so I might just as well tag along, and know where it is.”

/

Once out of potentially spying ears reach, they plan the day further.

“We HAVE to tell Gaius, at the least, about our situation: no one will contest his word if he says you’re not to train for a while - because honestly how am I supposed to spare with your Knights? They will notice right away that something isn’t right. And, well…”

Merlin hesitates, not wanting to incriminate Gaius in any way. As it turns out, he doesn’t have to:

“You’re right. Besides, Gaius has heard about a lot of… stuff, in all his years. I was planning to go around Jeffrey and look for the forbidden books, but I have no ideas how many volumes are hidden down here, nor where they even *are* to start with… If anyone we know might have even the slightest clue about how to fix our problem, it’s him; even if it’s only about finding an adequate book.”

Merlin nods, relieved: “So. After the pleas, I stage a fall, and we go to Gaius, who tells you’re not to train for the time being. That leaves the rest of the day free, both for looking up about our situation, and briefing me on what I should be aware of for tomorrow’s concil. Do you address things in an established order; who’s whose specialisms; what you discussed by the latest concils which might be brought up again tomorrow; and so on…”

“I’m supposed to make the battle plans, Merlin? But as far as plans go, I have to admit this isn’t a bad one. Except I’m not you; I do not trip on my feet twice a day. So. I’ll make you fall. That’s more plausible.”

“No way! You’ll end up in the stocks!” Merlin realizes how - no matter what he might have been thinking just a few months ago - he simply doesn’t want Arthur in the stocks. Ever. “Which is NOT where you should be spending your afternoon.” Merlin quickly amends; hiding his concern under logic’s sake, knowing it to be the best way to persuade Arthur anyway. “So. You fall. I try to help you. But we both fall. I’m clumsy, as ever; you’re noble, as always; everyone get to laugh at me, and praise you; and your father might skip punishing me for you getting hurt in the process, as you obviously didn’t want me hurt to start with?” (pause, before adding earnestly, yet fiercely, as Merlin isn’t able to tone back the surge of threat in his eyes at the mere idea of having anyone disrespecting Arthur in that way) “If he doesn’t though, I’ll stand guard next to you.”

“Would you?” Arthur seems surprised; but touched: “Well, who knows, maybe I’ll return the favor the next time.”

Merlin can’t refrain a whine: “The next time?”

“Even I can’t save you from my father’s wrath every time; it’s bound to happen, either from your two left foots or your snarky mouth.”

They can hear the water now, and Arthur accelerates towards it, as Merlin lags behind, unable not to smile:

“I guess I’m supposed to say 'thank you’?”

“I might have forgotten to mention I’ll probably throw something in your face myself at the last moment. Prince’s privilege and all that…” - Arthur even turns towards him, giving him one of his goofy faces to boot (Merlin didn’t know *his* face could do *that*, by the way).

Merlin just keeps on smiling anyway. He probably hasn’t felt that brightly, positively, ridiculously happy since “I’m rehiring you - because someone needs to muck out my stables”. Arthur has a particular way to express fondness, and Merlin wouldn’t change it for the world.

.

V. THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MERLIN (ARTHUR POV)

Arthur is the first to reach the stream, and crouches down to test the water with his hand.

“It’s cold”, he warns, while Merlin walks in a straight line towards a tree with a low hanging branch and starts undressing - he does come here often, clearly.

Merlin shrugs: “Be grateful it’s not winter yet. Try bathing around Imbolc - that’s cold.” Merlin goes on; stating an afterthought while hanging his pants on the branch: “Still worth it though; everything here is just more… alive, you know. You don’t get that indoors.”

And Arthur has bathed on patrols enough to know that, honestly?: he prefers his warm baths. He can’t help but feel a smile on his face though at the words; they are so intrinsically Merlin.

/

Arthur had been struck, when they had met. No one had ever defied him, in any way. And it had stung; Arthur could admit. So. He had not been displeased at all when he had overmastered the fool and turned him over. The affront had been too public to be allowed to slide, and Arthur had decided he wouldn’t dwell a further thought about the goodhearted fool (Arthur knew terrorrizing people wasn’t right. He tended though to react badly whenever anyone acted cowardly (which was, well, all the time, around him); especially as he was actually *praised* for it somehow), but fool nonetheless, who should have known to mind his own business…

It had been nothing though in comparison to his surprise when their paths had crossed again. Arthur hadn’t been able NOT to taunt him - hoping, somehow… But the last thing Arthur had been actually expecting had been for Merlin to act *exactly the same*. Surely, now that he knew who he was, he would just scrabble around him as anyone else - not defy him again, knowing it would get him in chains again, right? Arthur had been *delighted* by Merlin’s untamable fire - the words, and then the look he had thrown at him while taking his jacket off? (Maybe Arthur had just been waiting all his life for someone to finally stand his ground to him, indeed…) Of course Arthur had let him go without punishment that second time - and any time since then (which was honestly difficult, as Merlin - always fighting for what was right more than for himself Merlin - frequently got riled up, be it in private OR IN PUBLIC, by literally anyone and anything).

Since he has been to Ealdor though, Arthur can’t help but see things under a new light.

Hunith is everything Arthur believes a loving mother to be. But there had been no father at home, nor any mention of one. (Arthur knows the sting of this kind of wound - missing a parent; and he had been saddened, as he had realized that Merlin bore such a wound too.) Arthur hadn’t dared to ask, but he had wondered: did Merlin ever got a father to start with; or had he been abandoned - intentionally or not? (Arthur knows how even an accident still feels akin to a betrayal in a child’s heart.) Which would be the worst anyway? But what if Merlin had been bullied through his childhood because of it? - children could be particularly malicious, when they intended to… Was it how Merlin had learned, the hard way, that fighting - both with his words and his fists - was the only way to end the pestering? And had decided it wouldn’t be only for his own sake, but for the sake of anyone who might ever need help? Was it what had brought Merlin close to Will - the fact that they both had lost their father? Was it the reason Will had wanted to learn magic to start with? (Arthur knows the near constant anger, too. As does Merlin, obviously.)

Arthur can’t help but feel grateful anew, somehow, and no matter what, still, that Merlin has had Will around: surely, no matter how bad the fights Merlin had jumped into, Will must have kept him safe - at least safe enough - *with his magic*. The thought had been unbidden the first time it had occured, and had definitely surprised Arthur; but he hadn’t been able to deny that it was what he truly felt indeed.

/

Because of course Arthur had come to care for Merlin. Isn’t it why he had gone to Ealdor to start with after all…

Merlin.

Definitely not an ordinary manservant. And probably not the champion manservant by any book (fast learner, and smart, and hard working, he was; but only about what *he* deemed important - hence for example his total disregard for any kind of storage? - but Arthur generally agreed with what Merlin deemed important or not anyway). But honestly the only manservant Arthur now could imagine ever having - or ever want to have.

Because Arthur likes Merlin as his manservant exactly just the way he is, and would now never wish for another - no matter (and specifically because of) how well-schooled and zealous to satisfy his every need (and whim) that hypothetic other might be… Arthur now sees what others might judge flaws as assets (Merlin’s clumsiness and chattiness are more endearing and uplifting than unefficient, especially as his opinions always sound reasonable; his sarcasm and insults are a sure way to keep Arthur’s head from ever getting inflated; and his challenging manners push Arthur to do and be better - from training with the knights to saving people’s lifes), and what others might judge insubordinate as being treated, for once, finally, as an equal, somehow (even though they both know and acknowledge they aren’t) - no matter whenever it comes out at Arthur’s expanse too, food getting shoved into his mouth and getting unceremoniously pulled out of bed included in their everyday banter, as Merlin can give just as much as he gets indeed. But that’s maybe what Arthur values the most: how Merlin’s respect feels earned and honest; neither forced by birthright or fear for repercussions, nor cajoling nor calculated.

Arthur has never had a private servant for longer than a year - his Father’s rule; but you bet Arthur is decided about keeping Merlin at his side when the year would end. He will have to strategize; he will need irrefutable arguments. But if he plays his cards well - and Merlin never ceases to hand him over cards to play - Arthur has no doubt that his Father will actually allow it: it’s in the best interest of the Kingdom after all.

Merlin.

A whirlwind. Always animated, always busy; never still, even when he’s doing nothing. But always so expressive - so easy to read - a fact Arthur has come not only to appreciate after decades around perpetually guarded scheming faces, but even to *trust*.

A chatty nature-loving poet with dangly limbs, gentle heart, and the brightest smile Arthur has ever seen - Arthur has come to know. Yet the sassiest mouth and the most unrelenting fighter Arthur has ever met; his utter lack of skills balanced by sheer defiance - Arthur has learned right from the start. (Merlin just never backs off, no matter the odds; which is very stupid, but also very brave.)

A confusing, clashing mess of contraries. But an admirable man, with a beautiful soul.

And you bet Arthur wouldn’t have him be any different.

Arthur shakes his head. Maybe - just like with his two left feet - it isn’t Merlin’s choice to be such a poet all the time. Arthur hasn’t been inside Merlin’s body for more than a few hours, and already he is turning into a maudlin bard himself, huh…

/

Arthur sighs; bringing himself back to the present - only to be struck by Merlin yet again.

Merlin has by now disrobed of everything except for the leather, which he has rolled up to his chest (logic; it would take too much time to tie it up all once more), and the tunic, which he now holds tightly in a bundle against his chest too, even if (and no doubt exactly because) it must get in his vision range as he enters the water. The lengths Merlin now goes again, simply to avoid to *see* - treating his body with the utmost respect, even when it is betraying him?

It should be insignificant, but the whole endeavour screams once more just how *devoted* Merlin always is, to him; and it is honestly dumbfounding.

He has been willing to die for me. And more than once.

The thought slices through Arthur’s mind; as usual charged with guilt, and heartbreaking, yet oddly sweet.

Arthur doesn’t understand: he has truly done very little to earn such high esteem - and that’s an euphemism. Getting the man in the stocks? Letting him drink poison destined for him? Having his only friend die?

But you bet Arthur cherishes it all the same. And he wants - oh, he WANTS - to be worthy of it. Not because it’s what he ought to do, repaying kindness with kindness, loyalty with loyalty; and definitely not because he owes Merlin a friend - you can’t replace a friend (even if Arthur never actually had a friend, he knows that it’s supposed to be a special, powerful, unique bond). Not even because Merlin does indeed makes him want to be a better man - even if that’s true, and definitely positive for the future of Camelot. But simply because HE. WANTS. TO. Arthur has realized by now how he is always tempted, whenever they are together: either to act silly in order to cause a smile; or to provoke Merlin until he bites. Both reactions feel peculiarly satisfying; spreading a pleasant warmth through his whole being - and Arthur just always has to smile…

So.

On impulse, Arthur disrobes Merlin’s lower half and enters the (indeed very cold) water while holding his tunic bundled up too, keeping his eyes stubbornly fixed on his own body sinking until the water reaches up to above its waist, as Merlin sits on his knees in the middle of the stream. And yes, the fact that Arthur has just chosen to abide by Merlin’s stubborn dedication on that matter, instead of letting his perpetual interest about literally everything run free, for once, (because yes, if he hadn’t witnessed Merlin’s commitment, Arthur might have taken a look at Merlin’s body, out of sheer curiosity; he wouldn’t though, not from now on…), is both a pledge and a self-serving whim.

Merlin, drawn by the sounds, turns to him with questioning eyebrows, and Arthur sheepishly drops on his knees next to him: “I thought it unfair to let you have all the fun on your own. Now, ready to scare the fish?”

Merlin howls with laughter. Arthur decides it’s definitely worth playing silly while freezing his ass off.

.

(Imbolc = 31 january)

Feel free to come and fangirl with me over 1.01 and then scream with me over 1.10 !

On a side note, I’m sorry but not sorry about that fish line? It was *totally* unplanned but then it just rolled out and I went 'yep, sure, arthur would, totally; it stays!’ ?

.

VI. THE PRINCE’S PART (ALTERNATE ARTHUR/MERLIN POV)

They get out; get dried; put their clothes back on. Merlin ties the towel to the branch, for future use.

Then, on their way back to the castle, Arthur asks Merlin about his agenda for the day.

Merlin gives him a look - like he’s unsure whether Arthur means it. Arthur gives him a look back - meaning he isn’t joking indeed.

Merlin smiles, eyes full of mirth: “Your chambers are a complete mess, your clothes need washing, your boots need cleaning, your dogs need exercising, your fireplace needs sweeping, your bed needs changing and, oh, *someone* needs to muck out your stables.” Merlin sobers up. “But we have more pressing matters at hand; so I think you can consider yourself free for the day.”

Arthur is taken aback. He recognizes his own words, of course. It’s both baffling and humbling - that Merlin can quote him, months later? and that Merlin has omitted one part and one part only in his old speech, because they both know his armour doesn’t need any repairing (the devotion Merlin shows those metal pieces echoing the devotion he shows to Arthur himself)? Arthur had first planned to give a playful thankful bow; but it would feel wrong.

“So. I’ll go bother Geoffrey. Try to get him to show me where the secret books are hidden. I’ll tell him Gaius has found a strange herb and wants to make sure it isn’t dangerous or something…”

/

Merlin has to give Arthur that: he is indeed insightful.

The mention of Gaius’s name though has Merlin slightly panicking again: Gaius doesn’t know yet about their current situation. What if he mentions 'something’ upon walking on Arthur thinking he is him? No. Merlin has to be there when they’ll get to see Gaius.

“Speaking about Gaius? Stay clear from his chambers. I doubt he’ll be as magnanimous as I am. He’ll do that thing with his eyebrow and have you pick herbs and brewing healing potions and concocting ointments before you even got a chance to tell him about our predicament - he’s really dedicated in my education as a physician, you know…”

“And I believe you rather enjoy it.”

“I do, indeed. I mean… It’s fascinating - do you know that the same stuff can cure you or kill you sometimes, depending on the dosis? Anyway, who wouldn’t want to know how to save lives?” Merlin can’t help but twitch. “I’m not sure I’m any good at it though…”

/

There is a flash of guilt in Merlin’s disheartened eyes, and Arthur realizes two things:

1) Merlin feels responsible for having been unable to save his friend Will. Which is understandable, because Merlin must have gathered by now some knowledge from Gaius’s lessons; but heartbreaking - because Arthur has seen enough arrow’s wounds to know that Will’s could never have healed - and perplexing - because Will has died to save *him*, not Merlin; so why would Merlin think the guilt was his to start with? and how come Arthur has never felt like Merlin might blame him for it either?

2) Merlin’s face is always *transparent* - a fact Arthur truly appreciates on Merlin’s face - but a fact that could turn out problematic, now that it’s on his own face…

“Let’s get back to my chambers. There is still something you should master better before the pleas.”

/

And that’s how Merlin finds himself positioned by Arthur in front of a mirror.

“What do you see, Merlin?” Arthur asks.

“Well, you?” Merlin feels he’s missing Arthur’s point, but he has no clue…

“Do you? Because I see my body, I see my clothes; but I do not see the Prince of Camelot - I’d like to think I play it better than that - and I must be, because my Father would not allow *this* I assure you - at least I hope or the kingdom is doomed.” Arthur ends on a sigh, shakes his head, and then turns commanding eyes back towards Merlin via the mirror. “Close your eyes, Merlin. Think of me. I mean, *picture* me; and more especially, picture me at any official activity you’ve served me through. See how I walk, how I stand, how I sit, how I move, how I look?”

Merlin does as asked, searching through his memories. After a while, he nods.

“Got it?”

“I think?”

“Then open your eyes, Merlin. What do you see?”

Merlin understands now. He can’t help but sigh helplessly. “Not the Prince of Camelot. Obviously. I’m sorry, Sire, I guess I’m just not… majestic enough to play you.”

“It’s not that hard, Merlin. Come on; I’ll explain. Ready?” Arthur grins at him via the mirror, exuding confidence - trust in him?; and Merlin would face (has faced) monsters to earn it indeed.

Merlin nods, their eyes still linked via the mirror.

“First thing first? You’re slouching.”

“Yes. (Merlin tries not to slouch; but is still not satisfied with the result) I think though the biggest problem is- There’s something wrong with your face.”

“Because you wear your heart on it, Merlin; and you mustn’t. Believe me, you do not want to be lectured for hours about this by my Father…”

Arthur moves away, and Merlin can’t see him anymore in the mirror. His voice is directing though, and Merlin focuses on the words to school his face.

“You’re a prince, so you *must* always look like one. No matter what you do, you must always, *always*, look confident. That’s the first strength of a kingdom - the strenghth of its ruler. That’s what keeps your people safe. So. Chin up, Merlin. Square your shoulders. Stand tall - stand *proud*.”

Merlin realizes the words are not Arthur’s; they’re Uther’s. He wonders how often indeed Arthur has heared those words - most probably often enough to give himself a internal pep talk before any official anything apparently…

“That’s better; but still not good enough. No matter how you feel inside must not show, Merlin. When you’re tired, hide it. When you’re sick, hide it. When you hurt, hide it. When you’re stressed, hide it. When you worry, hide it. When you doubt, hide it. When you’re bored, and even more when you disagree; hide it - it’s disrespectful; and we do not want wounded pride to fester, don’t we Merlin? When you’re afraid, definitely hide it. When you’re sad, hide it. And the trickiest part maybe: when you’re happy, hide it too - or risk whatever is making you happy to be taken away: weakening you is weakening the kingdom; and its enemies will never hesitate to bring you down, if you let them see even an inch of an opportunity.”

Merlin is shaken. He feels guilty, somehow. This is, certainly, too intimate. Merlin feels like he’s intruding. This feels even more trespassing than being in Arthur’s body. It’s like being forced in Arthur’s head, without his consent. It’s nauseating.

“Again, Merlin. Your eyes; focus. It’s a part; but it’s part of your job. So for the love of Camelot, Merlin, please try harder. Your people reckon on you to lead them and protect them; so it’s your duty to be a leader, and to be strong. Work hard; harder than anyone else. You *must* be an example, an inspiration. You must be admirable in everything, so that your people will follow you everywhere. But you must lead, Merlin; never follow. A ruler is alone - *must* be alone. Do not trust anyone; at least do not trust anyone more than anyone else, and surely not more than you trust yourself. Your own judgement must *never* be clouded.”

Merlin can’t help but turn towards Arthur at the words, both in disbelief and in ache… Because Merlin has grown up hiding, but he had never realized that Arthur had, too; and maybe even more than him. Arthur must not only always pretend and perpetually watch over his shoulder; he must pretend and watch over his shoulder *alone*. And Merlin can only imagine how hard that must have been, and be. Back at Ealdor, Merlin had (and still has) his loving mother, and he had Will. Even here, now, Merlin has Gaius. And somehow, yes: he has Arthur too, Merlin suddenly realizes; and then feels ashamed, because he can’t help but feel blessed - Arthur trusts him. Because Arthur is definitely less guarded around him, isn’t he? When it’s just the two of them; Arthur and Merlin? Arthur laughs, Arthur doubts, Arthur *shows*; maybe not everything - but that’s probably not possible as he is so trained - but something at least always shines through; even if it’s by putting his feet on his face… But Merlin knows now, how rare and precious it truly is. They can never be friends, maybe; but Arthur trusts him. That’s undeniable; and that’s everything, somehow.

“Do not look at me; look at the mirror, Merlin. Harden your eyes. Smile; always politely, even when you don’t want to smile at all; more genuinely, when it’s true - but never let it go up to your eyes. First thing about tomorrow too; as we’re at it. Hear everyone out. Listen with your full attention to everyone; whether you agree or not. Never decides right away; except if it’s necessary, in war time. Your decisions must be thought upon; never a spur of the moment. If something is unclear, do not let it show during concil. If you favor a position, do not let it show during concil. If you disagree, do not let it show during concil. You need further advice, or even only further information? Seek the appropriate person in private; ask man to man. They will see the honor in it if it’s positive, and be thankful you kept it private if it’s negative. Also. You must be ready to be impartial, Merlin; because you do not need to be kind, but you must always be fair. You may - and you will, unfortunately - make mistakes; but never ackowledge them. Fix them. If you can’t; repair as much damage as possible. Learn from your errors, in order to never make the same mistake again. But never apologize. Come on Merlin; I’m sure you can do it. You’re nearly there.”

More over, Merlin realizes the Arthur he gets to see nowadays - the true Arthur - has always been there already, even under the pretense of the moron. Kilgarrah is wrong. His destiny isn’t to change Arthur; because there is nothing to change. Arthur already has everything to be a great king, the greatest king, all on his own.

And so, Merlin is *angry*. He has now yet another reason to despise Uther, it seems - scarring his child on the inside in such a way. Of course Arthur always feels inadequate; of course Arthur feels lacking; of course the only bond Arthur values is the one with his fellow knights - ride to glory or death, together? It’s the only bond Uther has authorized him to authorize himself to ever have… But Merlin’s anger is a good thing, apparently - because whenever Merlin thinks about Uther, Arthur finds that he’s playing the Prince’s part better.

“There Merlin, you have it. See? Right there. Lock it; just like that. That’s good enough for anyone looking today; because believe me, someone *will* be looking, even if only my Father and not the one who switched us or anyone else with ill intentions - there is *always* *someone* looking, Merlin.”

Fine. Think about Uther; until the pleas are done. Merlin can do it; and he’ll gladly do it. He’ll probably gladly do anything; for Arthur. He can still have a cry or hit a wall afterwards, right…

.

Arthur needs a hug. I volunteer. Anyone with me? (besides Merlin, obviously…)

.

VII. DOOMED (ARTHUR POV)

With a last commanding yet encouraging nod, Arthur leaves Merlin by the Great Hall’s entrance and starts to make his way towards the Library.

He is stopped by Merlin’s name being called out twice - because he has failed to react right away; Arthur chastises himself. It is the headmaster recruiting hands: his Father wants his bath ready when the pleas end.

Arthur doesn’t want to bring Merlin in trouble, of course; so he takes on the ordered job - after all, how complicated can it be?

He is paired with a newcomer answering the name of George who looks up to him as if he holds the sun: the Prince’s manservant! Which isn’t that bad. Until he starts, seemingly embarrassed but curious all the same, to ask questions like “Is the Prince as terrible as they say?” or “Is it true he throws knives?” and such? Arthur tries to explain that the training field is, well, to train? He isn’t sure the message gets across though, as George only holds his eyes with a perplexed gaze…

Arthur can’t help but hope that Merlin at least understands that he’s not only training himself but also trying to get Merlin to know how to defend himself if not to attack whenever he comes at him with a mace or anything… He should maybe make his intentions clearer, apparently…

Anyway. After yet another round of carrying buckets full of cold or warmed-up water up and down and left and right, Arthur realises there is more to it than it looks; and the bath is only half full still…

And when they’re nearly done? His three coworkers and the headmasteer seem satisfied, but Arthur can’t help but think while bringing up the last two buckets that they achieved nothing more than a luke warm bath with a clean but no particular scent. Merlin’s baths are definitely of a superior category on both accounts, and Arthur doesn’t know if he should feel guilty and spoiled for regularly enjoying better baths than the king himself, or more amazed or worried about Merlin’s bath-preparing skills (is he even thinking about his safety? he wouldn’t actually carry boiling water up the stairs, would he?)

Arthur decides he should address the issue. And maybe take baths downstairs from now on just in case - a little backroom near the kitchen would be more practical than his chambers, wouldn’t it? When the space isn’t needed for banquets preparations and such of course…

Arthur misses the first step towards the second floor (it’s actually the eleventh time today that he misses a step - he still isn’t used to Merlin’s feet). This time though, his balance is too lost for him to compensate and he falls backwards, landing on his butt and ready to get soaked and hit by the water and buckets he has released when instinctively freeing his hands (one to help catch his fall; one to protect himself from the falling projectiles). Except nothing comes: no water, no hit - and no falling sound either. And when Arthur takes a look? The buckets and water are… floating above his head?

Arthur gasps in surprise, his mind going both blank and reeling…

Then only does Arthur finally get drenched and hit on the shoulder.

Arthur blinks. Twice.

What has just happened isn’t normal, at all. Only - only magic could make such a thing possible!

Arthur looks around, instinctively - scanning for a threat.

He is alone; the corridors are empty as far as he can see, and he hears no voices, nor steps.

Which is good, because no one is attacking him then.

Which is the worst though - because if there is no one around… then the only person responsible for what he has just witnessed must be - is - HIMSELF?!

Arthur gasps again; this time in panick.

His first instinct is denial. But he knows what he saw. And somehow, it just makes sense, doesn’t it?

It’s not the body of the Prince that whoever switched him and Merlin is after. It’s his mind…

Put him in the body of a servant, give him magic, and sooner or later (and most probably sooner) he is bound to die by his Father’s law. What is he supposed to say in his defense? That he IS the Prince, in another body which had been given an ounce of magic on the sole purpose of getting him executed? Who would ever believe him…

In the meantime, the schieming sorcerer must have judged that a servant in his body may be too delighted by the upgrade in status to be a threat to his plans and would gladly unknowingly collaborate, on top of being totally untrained and incompetent at any of his duties.

Then? One only has to kill the King, either by making him ‘ill’ or using the same trick again and - for sure - Camelot is doomed to get wiped out from the map by the first band of Saxons passing by (and most probably enticed to pass by very soon after its King’s death): its only true heir gone, and the supposed one obviously improper to defend it. All of it without casualties on the attacking side, and without anyone knowing how it all came to be, which means no one, even loyal to Camelot, would have a reason to stand against the new regime put in place.

Arthur is more afraid than he has ever been - and he has been in combat enough for that fact to mean something. He feels crushed; defeated, even before the battle - and honestly? He has never despised himself that much. No matter that he has never felt both so unprepared and so intrinsically useless - and not even able to trust himself: surrender is simply inexcusable. Camelot depends on it.

Besides, Arthur owes it to Merlin to fight, right. It’s after all Merlin’s body that’s to die along his spirit. Oh! The villainy, the cowardice in this attack! Use an innocent victim as a vessel to be sacrificed. Sorcerers definitely have no sense of honor indeed.

So. Arthur is angry now. A much more suited mindset, he decides - as long as he doesn’t allow it to blind him. And he won’t. Merlin’s body depends on it too.

Arthur takes a deep breath. He has been taught strategy even before he could talk, right? Time to make a plan of action.

First. He is not as alone as Camelot’s enemy has calculated him to be. He is, in fact, not alone at all. He has Merlin.

Loyal Merlin; not only willing but even devoted to getting back into his own servant body rather than happily playing the prince. Magic familiar and open-minded Merlin - which means Arthur has not only someone who won’t judge him nor fear him to confide in about his new endangering (and in so many ways) abilities, but also someone who might have some basic understanding of it; since he was Will’s friend? Heart-in-the-right-place Merlin: too kind, maybe (but he can at least get aware of it enough in order not to be lead only by it); but naturally just and fair Merlin. Brave, fierce, tenacious Merlin; too reckless though (but again: he can at least get aware of it enough in order not to be lead only by it). Ressourceful Merlin, fast-learning Merlin: he would master his body’s strength, eventually; and Leon would be here to lead the Knights in the meantime… Arthur takes an oath. Even if they fail to find a solution to their problem, Camelot won’t be left unprotected. Come what may; even the worst? Merlin *will* be ready to take his place. Having Merlin’s unique edges smoothed out feels wrong; but it just has to be for show, right?

Second. Well, there is no really second yet; at least not more than what they have already planned. They need to find some books - and pray that they will be useful. And Arthur will just have to be particularly attentive about not repeating the kind of blunder he just did with witnesses present.

Yes. Merlin. Books. Start at the beginning; and with luck, it might just work out in the end.

Arthur cleans up as best as he can, using and wringing his soaked tunic in the buckets, then runs to Merlin’s room for a set of dried clothes. Turning up to retake his place at 'Arthur’’s side while drenched would only draw unwanted attention…

.

So. Basically? Yep. This is a magic-reveal unreveal fic. But. I mean… It’s Arthur? Also: this fic (to me) is canon (fitting) - so it just can’t be a reveal fic. Bonus: it explains too why Arthur doesn’t get the courage-magic-strength trio hint later on. He thinks Merlin is magic; but only because there is some residual trace to sense from when his body had magic (aka this fic), not that he actually has magic still at the time… Arthur can be at the same time very aware yet very unaware, and he can be so very biased and decided to see things his way, no matter how circumvoluted, right? (Also, of course Arthur thinks in fact then that HE is magic in the trio: he was after all the one inside Merlin when his body had magic; and Merlin IS courage - Arthur has such a low self-esteem to start with…)

On a side note: Arthur would actually trust Merlin with Camelot (even despite his limits). If that doesn’t tell you all there is to tell then I don’t know how to express it. *SIGH* *GROSS SOBBING* (Gwen though is  innately  made to be Queen - but Arthur doesn’t know that yet. He isn’t wrong about Merlin though - for Arthur’s memory? Merlin would do his best to be a great King too, you bet…) *GROSS SOBBING AGAIN*

.

VIII. MERLIN’S CHAINMAIL (ARTHUR POV)

“Merlin! My boy! You’re soaked! Did you provoke Arthur again and end up under the well for it this time?”

Great. Gaius sounds half amused half concerned. Does actually *everyone* think him to be a brute?

Well; nevermind. Merlin knows better, right - and that’s what matters. Merlin is never backing away, Merlin is never really complaining; Merlin just watches him with mirth in his challenging eyes: I dare you. Of course Arthur HAS TO then… It’s like… kind of a private wordless conversation only the two of them understand. But honestly? Arthur wouldn’t trespass Merlin’s limits - if anything, Arthur would probably even feel guilty, if Merlin actually ever made one known…

But then, Gaius is patting his shoulder, pushing him towards 'his’ room; and Arthur is stunned silent, as he can’t help but relish on the (for him unusual) affectionate paternalistic small gesture.

“Get changed. Get warmed up. You’ll tell me later. I haven’t heard the bell signaling the end of the pleas, it is already so late? I’ve just finished Sir Kay’s potion, and it should be drinken warm, as you know; so I’d better be on my way. We’ll prepare Uther’s draught and the balm for Little Kathleen’s knee when I’m back. Also, I’m afraid I’ve ruined my coat; if you could work your magic on it next time you’re mending Arthur’s clothes, I’d be very much obliged?”

And then Gaius is gone, and Arthur is still stunned, but now for another reason - it was but a polite turn of phrase, of course, and Arthur knows Merlin just isn’t capable of miracles, as proven by the state of some of his shirts - beyond mending; but Gaius would better not use some idioms that carelessly around the palace - who knows who might hear and takes things the wrong way… Arthur shakes his head as he hurries to change, feeling sorry for letting Gaius down, but not planning to stay around until Gaius comes back - he wouldn’t know anyway how to prepare his Father’s nor Kathleen’s medicine, right…

Arthur opens Merlin’s cupboard.

There are only two folded set of clothes (neckerchief included indeed), and Arthur just takes the one on top.

He’s about to close the door when his eyes fall on Merlin’s chainmail.

/

The first time Arthur had told Merlin that he had been assigned to lead some patrol, Merlin had right away asked:

“When do we leave?”

Arthur had been surprised, then had tilted his head, apprehending Merlin while explaining that coming along was to be Merlin’s choice; and not per se his duty as palace manservant. They usually asked for volunteers; there was extra coin to be earned and such.

Merlin had only repeated:

“Sire; when do we leave?”

Arthur had been surprised again, but definitely pleased:

“Tomorrow at first light.”

“I’d better start packing right away then. What do you need?”

After having listed their necessities, Arthur had mentioned that he would have a chainmail sent to Gaius’s for Merlin to wear. Merlin had countered that he had no wish for carrying extra weight around as it would only slow him down in his chores; and that he would rather wear his everyday clothes. Arthur had said it was folly to go unprotected - they would patrol the borders, and thiefs and saxons could fall on them - and Merlin had finally relented some and agreed to wear a chainmail he would self adapt as he wished above some clothing but under his tunic. Arthur had been suspicious when Merlin had turned up the next morning without even a cap showing out, and had actually moved his neckerchief aside to make sure Merlin was wearing metal under his tunic…

/

Without hesitation, Arthur takes the chainmail out too, deciding he should wear it under his clothes. After all, the longer Arthur might succeed in hiding his new abilities, the more chances there are that the one responsible for their troubles might choose to turn to more expeditive measures of his own. Killing a servant might go unnoticed for awhile, and would work just as well in case whoever had planned this got tired of waiting for Arthur to betray himself and get executed. Which means that Merlin’s body is just walking around as a mark waiting to get hit… and Arthur should do his best to protect it. Merlin’s chainmail is barely worth its name; but it does cover his chest, belly and back, at least.

Arthur makes it back to the Great Hall right on time for the end of the pleas. It was the moment they had planned to stage for Arthur’s injury; but Arthur discretly but authoritatively signals 'no’ with his head. It would be too risky; what if while falling he instinctively uses magic again - in front of the whole court? Merlin gives him a curious look but follows his cue anyway, thanksfully. There is still enough time to create an excuse before training; and they can still tell he fell even without witnesses anyway. It would have been a nice added touch at make-believe, but Gaius vouching for them should be enough on its own, right?

As they walk in silence back to Gaius’s quarters, Arthur feels Merlin’s eyes upon him, boring and questioning. So when they pass by his chambers, Arthur takes the opportunity for privacy. Once behind closed doors, Arthur leads them to the most private corner, as far from the door as possible. Then he takes a deep breath, and turns towards Merlin to explain… everything.

He hasn’t got the time to start though before Merlin hushes out, worry evident in his voice, pointing to Arthur’s side where a hint of metal is visible if you pay attention - and Merlin always pays attention, doesn’t he:

“Sire? Why are you wearing my chainmail?”

.

AN: It’s canon after all that Arthur doesn’t force Merlin to come along - he lets him leave before Camlann, right? But yes, this is just me giving some sense to the 'just let’s Merlin accompany us everywhere without any kind of protection’ unacceptable general policy. So. Merlin *has* some protection. We just don’t see it. Okay? And the few times he’s actually in armor on patrol, it’s because they need a decoy or something… Also, just so you know: Merlin of course thought that Arthur would probably think that he didn’t want to be seen in a chainmail because he didn’t want to look like a soldier in order not to seem a danger nor a target, but Merlin just couldn’t care: he HAD to be an unconspicuous nobody - it made it easier to protect Arthur with his magic if no one really paid attention to him. And to end with a cute note: whenever they ride out ? Arthur always checks that Merlin wears his chainmail - a fact Merlin can’t help but always secretly revel in…

.

IX. REVELATIONS (MERLIN POV)

Arthur looks anxious - which only makes Merlin worry more.

“I found out… why I was put into your body. I’m sorry, Merlin. I wear your chainmail because your body is in great danger; and it’s all because of me… again. ”

“Wha-”

Arthur cuts him with an imperative gesture from his hand, voice hushed - even though it echoes in Merlin’s ears like a shout:

“I have- I mean you have… Magic!”

Merlin’s breath catches; panick rising. Arthur knows! Arthur knows?

Arthur seems to read his struck expression though as simple denial.

“Yes, Merlin; you heard right! Magic! I saw water and wood floating above my head - floating, Merlin! - That’s the only way to explain it! But I have no idea how it gets triggered, I have no idea how to control any of it - I fell and it happened, I guess, instinctively? Now you understand why I couldn’t have us stage a fall… If people find out? *When* people find out? My Father will have me - YOU - beheaded!”

Merlin’s eyebrow furrow. He doesn’t understand. If Arthur knows he has magic? How come Arthur looks *contrite* instead of angry; afraid *for him* instead of afraid of him? Not that Merlin is complaining about the fact that Arthur obviously doesn’t wish to see him beheaded, of course; his evident worry is even heartwarming, in a way… but heartbreaking, too, as Merlin can’t help but feel that Arthur’s reaction must be induced by some reason that he doesn’t comprehend yet but that has little to do about him having magic at all…

Arthur then fully explains his theory about their attacker using his body to get to Camelot by erasing Arthur, then Uther, and marching against a Camelot lead by an unprepared servant playing Prince. Merlin is shocked, and shaken. Because indeed Arthur’s reaction isn’t about him having magic at all, but about Arthur feeling responsible for his body’s impending doom. But what hurts the most yet is the heavy guilt that settles upon Merlin’s chest - crushing, constricting, inescapable - as he realizes that in fact everything is his fault! Arthur’s thinking may be flawed on one account; but the rest of it makes sense, indeed. And so Merlin cannot deny that Arthur has been targeted and put into his own body because whoever did this actually knows that he has magic.

And so Merlin feels panick rising again, and even worse than before. It is already complicated enough for Merlin to hide his powers - and he has had practice at it since his birth. How could Arthur ever successfully hide them for long… And to think that *HE* might be the cause of Arthur’s death? It’s worse than anything; worse than everything. And it’s devastating. Merlin can’t hold Arthur’s gaze anymore.

Arthur probably thinks he is overwhelmed by the surprise of his body being a target though.

“And I’m sorry - again, Merlin - but I can’t go and hide at some random remote place until I’ve worked out how to subdue it at least, if not suppress it. There is no time. I can’t leave Camelot; not when it’s so endangered.”

Merlin feels like screaming: Arthur shouldn’t apologize; Arthur shouldn’t feel guilty - It’s all on him!

“It’s all right, Sire. I know you’re right: we have to stay here. After all, our best shot to end this mess is to find guidance in some books; and our best shot to find said books is staying here.” (Also, you bet Merlin isn’t willing to leave Camelot either because he is going to consult with Kilgarrah… Merlin had planned to go to the Great Dragon at the first occasion right when he had realized they had switched bodies; but he now can’t help but wish for the night to come even sooner.)

Arthur looks surprised by Merlin’s easy acceptance as he lets out: “I was going to point that out too?”

Arthur seems to hesitate an instant, taking a deep breath; but then, probably finally enticed by the fact that they still are on the same page apparently, he hushes out words that Merlin had never imagined he would ever hear, even in his wildest dreams.

“Now that’s settled… Do you have any idea that might help me keep it in check? I mean… Back in Ealdor? Did your friend Will maybe ever share something with you that we could use? Anything?”

Merlin’s mouth falls open; but nothing comes out of it. He realizes just how surreal it must have been for Arthur to utter those words. But Arthur looks decided, as always. He means it. And that’s when Merlin realizes Arthur is in fact ready to *learn*. Arthur still doesn’t trust magic, and definitely doesn’t trust his magic now that he has some; he only sees it as a treacherous condition. But he is willing to face it outright, instead of wishing or pretending it isn’t even there to start with. And Merlin realizes that this isn’t only proof of Arthur’s mighty heart; but that it also might actually be their saving too, with some luck?

And so Merlin just HAS to take a chance. Anyway, Arthur *needs* him; and how could Merlin ever let him down to start with… Besides, what if it made Arthur realize that magic isn’t only to be feared; that magic can be good, too, actually?

“Maybe you shouldn’t learn how to keep it check, but how to have it *work*?”

Arthur opens his mouth now, either in shock or to retort - or both; so Merlin hurries to push his point.

“Hear me out, please. Even when we do find an helpful book? The spell we’re under must be very powerful - I mean, have you ever heard or thought this could even be possible? - so we might still require magic too in order to perform whatever will be mentioned in the book? So yes, your new abilities are supposed to be our doom; but maybe we can turn them to our advantage? You have MAGIC, Arthur. If you can control it and use it - on your terms? Maybe that’s just what we need to solve our problem?”

Merlin waits. And Arthur isn’t taking the opportunity to repel his idea. Silence goes on; and still, Arthur isn’t refusing. If anything, he looks… thoughtful, even if doubtful. But there’s resolve, too; and maybe, even, a spark of hope? So Merlin just takes the final plunge.

“As you said… I might have… some basic notions about it? It’s worth a try, Arthur. What do you say?”

Merlin’s heart is pounding so hard it’s going to break his chest for sure, as they hold gazes for a long time - Merlin silently pleading for Arthur to just trust him. Then Arthur gives him a firm nod.

“I say this is probably folly but we have to try, indeed. So. You train me? And I train you.”

Merlin tilts his head, unsure about the second part.

“There are things I want to teach you, Merlin”, Arthur explains; pleads even. “In case we stay stuck in each others body no matter what we try; in case your body should- I know it’s a lot to ask, especially as I apparently keep making your life a hell just by existing? But will you please let me prepare you to take my place, if necessary?”

Merlin’s breath is knocked out of him. Arthur would trust *him* with *Camelot*? But Merlin cannot even contemplate it. Arthur cannot be gone; musn’t be gone; will not be gone. Merlin’s voice is fierce as it simply refutes the prospect.

“Sire, it won’t come to-”

Arthur lays a hand on his shoulder.

“It would mean a lot to me.”

And what can Merlin do then, but promise - and mean it:

“Anything, Arthur.”

The hand leaves his shoulder, but Arthur’s eyes stay fixed on him.

“Thank you, Merlin.”

And Merlin takes another oath - this one to himself. They’ll work it out. They’ll make it work. They will.

.

They both feel guilty for endangering the other more than they are worried about themselves *heavy sigh*

.

X. TRAINING (MERLIN POV)

Gaius is working on finishing Uther’s draught when ‘Arthur’ surprisingly comes in without knocking.

“Sire? Do you need-”

Merlin hasn’t prepared a speech on their way (how do you announce this anyway?) So he just blurts it out, as Arthur comes in after him and takes place at his side.

“We need your help, Gaius. Our bodies have been switched. (pointing to himself) Merlin. (pointing to his body) Arthur. We awoke like this this morning.”

Gaius looks stunned - of course. Then, for the shortest of times, he looks unconvinced; but this is after all Camelot, where strange things always happen, indeed - and not only Arthur would most probably have better things to do than playing along with Merlin’s pranks; but also Merlin wouldn’t have the heart to make *such* a prank to start with - not to him. So Gaius looks concerned now, gaze jumping with worry between Merlin and Arthur, holding Merlin’s eyes with a question in his eyes - and Merlin knows what’s worrying him.

Merlin can only give Gaius though a fragile smile to assure him that he is all right along with an apologetic look in return. He isn’t sure Arthur would want anyone else knowing about the magic too, so he will have to wait for a private occasion to explain everything to Gaius. For now, he just sticks to the plan.

“Arthur is expected to train soon, and we thought you could give us a way out of it. No one should be aware that Arthur isn’t Arthur until we’ve fixed this.”

Gaius doesn’t even hesitate.

“Of course (nodding to Merlin). I’ll go and tell you injured your sword arm (nodding to Arthur).”

/

Gaius goes out, mentioning coming back later to make Little Kathleen’s balm. Once the door closes, Arthur says he wonders what Merlin has in mind for 'training’. So Merlin decides he should help them both at once.

Merlin looks around for something basic, and his eyes light up when they fall on two bowls - not only basic but also potentially useful, if it works? He sets them on the table in front of Arthur: one stays empty, the other one get filled with water.

“Here. Try to make the water move into the other bowl.”

Arthur looks at the bowls, then at Merlin; incredulous.

“I’m not sure- I mean, even if I make this work, how am I supposed to put ourselves back into our bodies that way? How can I perform whatever must be performed if I am out of the performing body?”

“This is just a beginning, Sire. This is just a way to have you… feel your magic? Find it, and use it as you wish, when you wish. But if you need a valid reason, I promise this will be useful too, when you’ve mastered it.”

Arthur seems perplexed. Merlin confides, voice low as if sharing a secret: “We won’t have to disturb the fish anymore?”

Arthur is apparently too stressed out to even smile, sadly. But he gives Merlin a satisfied nod. “I’d better start trying then, huh.” A helpless sigh follows though. “Any hint about how to feel it to start with? Where to find it?”

Merlin hesitates. Not only because he wonders how much he can tell without Arthur realizing he knows too much, but also because he struggles about how to put into words what he has always simply felt. He has never had to search for it; it had always just been there. But maybe he can describe it by telling what he doesn’t feel, since he’s in Arthur’s body?

“Don’t search for 'where’. It’s not in one place; it’s everywhere. Not only in your body; literally everywhere - earth, air, water, fire. Like a… warm… tingling… flow? When you’ve found it, try to concentrate on it, focus on it, in order to direct it towards what you want - with your hands, your eyes, your voice; whatever works?”

Arthur’s brow has only deepened from the explanation, and Merlin can’t help but sigh:

“I’m sorry. It’s gibberish. I don’t know how to explain-”

“What you can’t know”, Arthur cuts him with a wave of his hand. “Of course. I have to find it on my own. Thank you for trying, at least?”

And so Arthur goes to sit at the table, facing the two bowls, while Merlin starts on the balm for Little Kathleen’s knee (hopefully for the last time, as her recovery seems to be going well, thanksfully) - both to feel useful and to give Arthur some kind of privacy. His moving around though must be disturbing, because Arthur switches place, turning his back to him. But it gives Merlin the freedom to check over his shoulders from time to time without risking to meet Arthur’s eyes.

/

This isn’t working though, Merlin can tell, by the time he’s done preparing Little Kathleen’s balm (he waits for Gaius to check if he got all doses and ingredients right though before finishing; he has only done it once) and a sleeping draught (for the guards guarding Kilgharra’s tunnel) (Gaius has had him prepare Morgana’s draught several times already, and has explained how to up the doses while keeping it safe): Arthur looks nothing but tensed, when he would need to be relaxed in order to feel… Trying too hard is nothing but counterproductive.

That’s when Merlin realizes he’s been going at it the wrong way. Arthur is not him. Arthur is *Arthur*. And when Arthur is at an impasse and needs a clear head? He trains. Activity helps him focus. Exhaustion helps him forget. To find his inner ground, Arthur must be physically busy; not sitting hunched over a table looking at two bowls.

Merlin eyes again his surroundings: spoons should work. Gaius has them in lots of size, both wood and metal. Merlin bundles them all in his tunic, and calls for Arthur as he passes in front of him.

“Let’s try something else. You can work on the water later on.”

Arthur’s eyes follow him questioningly up the stairs. Merlin sets his collection down, then holds a spoon up.

“Try to stop it from falling to the ground.”

Merlin let the spoon fall. It hits the ground, of course; but Arthur surely looks now interested by the new challenge. Merlin smiles, and lets another spoon fall.

After five rounds, Arthur gets up and gathers the spoons before handing them over to a crouching Merlin, instead of having Merlin going down, and up, and down, and up… A few rounds later still, Arthur picks up a spoon he has missed on his way and calls out for Merlin to catch it instead of walking back. Merlin misses it though, and it lands on his arm. And that’s when Merlin thinks his new idea can even be perfectioned.

He takes the offending spoon off the ground and holds it at the ready, eyeing Arthur, waiting for him to understand. And Arthur does, of course.

“Merlin? Are you threatening me with a spoon?”

Merlin grins wolfishly. He throws, and Arthur easily dodges, laughing.

“How long have you been waiting for such an opportunity?”

“Forever?” Merlin lies, before throwing another spoon, which Arthur blocks with an upraised arm.

Merlin can’t help but scowl: “You’re supposed to make the spoon divert its course; not block it or move out of its way.”

Arthur has actually the decency to look apologetic: “I know. Sorry. Reflexes.” Then he smirks. “But please, indulge yourself and do go on.”

And Merlin does. And it’s glorious somehow, how they are suddenly both intent and carefree, spoons clattering everywhere on both sides as Arthur now throws the spoons back to Merlin too. Hits land on both sides too, as they both throw quicker and harder.

/

At some point, the door opens and a spoon hits… Gaius.

“Sorry”, Merlin lets out, hurrying down to check he hasn’t hurt Gaius.

Gaius looks at the both of them with incomprehension, but Arthur explains even before Merlin has even opened his mouth.

“We’re actually working on something, Gaius; not destroying your chambers. (the slightest hesitation - but if Gaius is to be their ally then Arthur has decided he should know, well, everything, it seems) I have been jinxed too, on top of the body swap. It appears I have been given… magic; to be my doom - and well… Merlin’s body end.”

Gaius looks sort of disapprovingly to Merlin at the M word, but his gaze softens somehow, even though it turns outright anxious, as Arthur further explains his theory about their attacker’s plan.

“So, now you know it all, Gaius. And we also need your help for something more than giving me an excuse not to train… We need… information. I thought… You and Geoffrey go way back, right? Maybe you could persuade him to lend you a few special books?”

Gaius nods, eyeing Merlin.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Arthur nods back.

“In the meanwhile, I have to understand how it works, in order to prevent anyone finding it out until we’ve found a way to lift the spells?”

“Of course. Just let me take what’s necessary and I’ll leave you to it.”

Merlin then shows Gaius his previous work (safely tucked away in his room after the first round of spoons throwing - and yes, it also gives Merlin the opportunity to silently let Gaius know where his book is hidden, so that he will be able to retrieve it later on and present it to them as coming from Geoffrey or something). Gaius proudly tells he got everything right and gathers it all into a bowl.

“I can finish the balm in the kitchens. I’ll be back to bandage your arm though later on, Merlin; our Prince is supposed to be injured, and our King will want to check on his son right when he comes back from today’s hunt and hears about it.”

/

They start again where they had left, but nothing magical ever happens still, and after some time, Arthur exclaims in annoyance: “Maybe you should use knifes?”

And Merlin understands the logic; but Merlin just… can’t. He counters with an idea of his own.

“Maybe I should tie you up on a chair so that you can’t dodge them anymore?”

And Arthur gives a shrug… then goes to sit.

Merlin finds some rope and tie Arthur’s legs and chest to the chair. He hesitates, then tie only Arthur’s left hand behind the chair.

“In case it helps if you aim”, he explains.

Then Merlin is facing Arthur again. The spoons hit; one at a time. But Arthur glares at them - never at Merlin; and so Merlin goes on.

And then… (they’ve been going at it for so long that Merlin has stopped counting rounds) a spoon finally *stops*, mid-air, before simply falling vertically to the ground instead of keeping its course.

Merlin’s mouth falls open as Arthur keeps looking at his hand in wonder.

“Did you see-”

“Yes!” Merlin can’t help but shout happily.

Arthur meets his eyes, looking even more resolute than before.

“Again.”

Arthur doesn’t stop lots of spoons (yet, hopefully); but he regularly stops or redirects one.

And then, Arthur looks at his hand, and then at him, both in wonder.

“It *is* warm!”

And that’s definitely progress in the right direction, if Arthur has *felt* it.

The look they share is actually hopeful, for the first time since this began.

/

After some time, Merlin decides they should take a pause. Arthur still has to prepare him for tomorrow concil too, right?

So Merlin starts asking about what he should know for the coming concil right while untying Arthur’s legs.

“Will was definitely lucky to count you as a friend.”

Merlin’s eyes jump to Arthur’s in surprise; not only from the compliment, but also from the repeat mention of Will. Before today, Arthur had never mentioned Will, since they had left Ealdor.

Arthur doesn’t notice. Or - more probably - Arthur notices but goes on anyway; he is nothing but brave after all.

“I never had a friend, but I believe friends are supposed to help each other out, right? And well, you’re good at helping out, is all. And I know I have little to no right to talk about him; but I think you should know that I’m grateful, and that he has my respect, Merlin.”

Merlin is utterly speechless. Arthur has finally found, it seems, a way to shut him up. And to get him teary-eyed to boot. Merlin lowers his eyes to the ground.

“I believe he was a kind man. I mean- He must have been, of course - I don’t see you befriending someone cruel or-… But even taking only my own judgment into account?  I suppose he could have probably done more harm than a whirlwind. But he didn’t. He wanted to defend, more than to attack; there is nothing malicious in that. It’s unfair his kindness caused his end though. Sometimes, maybe, it’s necessary to be the first to strike; even if you can never know how actually well-founded that decision then is; and you have to live with it.”

Merlin feels guilty, again. And angry. Does Arthur have to remind him that Will’s death is his fault? For all his magic? Merlin is indeed nothing but *useless*, indeed. He works on finishing to untie Arthur as quickly as he can.

Arthur must have read the inwards directed angry shake of his head for something else though, as he lets out a somewhat apologizing sigh.

“I realize I’m very biased, Merlin; because if he had used his powers in a harmful way? I would probably have been the first to accuse him of being a monster. (pause) But he hasn’t. And I haven’t searched for any magical powers - yet here I am.”

Another sigh; nothing but helpless this time. So Merlin *has* to look up. He has failed Will. He won’t fail again. He won’t fail Arthur. Arthur’s gaze is lost inward though.

“Sire”, Merlin pleads, hunting Arthur’s eyes then locking onto them.

Arthur fidgets; Merlin can’t help but note the oddity and rarity.

“I just- I realize this is the strangest thought to have while we are yet again under a sorcerer’s threat, but… Maybe not everything is always as black or white as I’ve been told all my life? Maybe not everyone with magic is actually evil? … Will? Me? … Again, maybe I’m only very biased. Because who knows then how many might have been wrongly punished- (a heavy sigh; wondering and remorseful this time, as Arthur shakes his head, apparently thinking about his Father’s deeds as his own - as he has allowed them to come to pass without opposition for so long…) But I *have* to believe that it’s possible to have magic without being corrupted by it. I mean… What if it sticks? Even after…”

“Arthur”, Merlin starts again as Arthur’s voice falters - even though Merlin still has no exact idea about what he wants to say; at least not in what order. Arthur’s genuine regrets and palpable fear are boring a hole right through his heart; just as Arthur’s words about Will and about magic (it is a step in the right direction; no matter how small) spread warmth through it too. Merlin’s possible soothing or grateful words in return all feel just tangled and messy and worthless and not enough and-

Arthur clears his throat, then softly exhales as he finally looks away: “I don’t really know what I’m trying to say, Merlin. Except… I’m glad you’re here?”

Maybe Merlin has conveyed what he couldn’t put into words through his eyes after all…

/

And then Arthur stands up, and his voice is back to his usual, assured tone.

“Now. One problem at a time, right? About the concil tomorrow…”

And Merlin listens, you bet.

.

So yep, yet another 'I’m glad you’re here’ (MY HEART). And spoons just had to be involved, indeed (I’m weak, blame 5.03)

.

XI. DESTINIES ARE TROUBLESOME THINGS (MERLIN POV)

Merlin can’t help but be on his guard. He has no idea, he realizes as he enters Kilgarrah’s cave after having successfully put to sleep the guards in front of it (after a shortened dinner with Uther and Morgana), about how the Great Dragon will react to a stranger’s presence in his lair.

But Merlin needs some guidance; and so, he calls out to him…

/

“Young warlock, what has happened to you?”

“You know it’s me?”

“Of course. Even though I am surprised indeed by your current appearance.”

“Arthur and I- Our bodies have been switched.”

The Great Dragon straightens up.

“So this is Uther’s heir’s body?”

“Yes. And I need - we need - help. Do you have any idea about how to reverse such a spell?”

“I do not have such knowledge. I can only tell you what you already know; that there is some very powerful magic at work here. (pause, tilting his head) But maybe you are not supposed to reverse it to start with.”

“Excuse me?”

“You are now *literally* two sides of a coin - both at once in the same body. Maybe this was the intent of the prophecy all along.”

(helpless, shocked sigh) “No.”

Merlin cannot believe his ears. But the idea is not only incongruous; it’s also outright enraging, and simply *impossible*.

“No”, Merlin repeats, firmly this time; a denial.

“You would throw away the opportunity to fulfill your destiny? You would carelessly discard the chance to bring forth the greatest time for Albion?”

Merlin doesn’t even flinch under the Dragon’s ire. *Arthur* is his destiny; and only Arthur. Albion’s welfare is in Arthur’s hands. And Arthur *will* be its greatest King; not Merlin. The notion only makes him sick. It’s not even about a possible guilt at cheating Arthur’s crown (which he doesn’t want to start with). It’s simply that Merlin wants - needs, and will not (and never) accept anything less - Arthur to be Arthur, intrinsically. Besides, Merlin knows the burden of pretending already; and he wouldn’t wish for anyone, and certainly not for Arthur, to have to shoulder it too. How can Kilgarrah not realise any of it?

“This just cannot be the way. It only feels wrong.”

“You should at least think about it, Merlin.”

“It is all decided. I cannot and will not abide to the belief that this masquerade could ever be our true fate. And if you don’t - can’t or won’t - help, we’ll look for a solution on our own - no matter how long it might take.”

They hold each other’s gaze; and Merlin won’t relent.

“I can only hope you will not come to regret your choice, young warlock”, Kilgarrah finally says as he flies away.

/

Merlin is still fuming as he enters Arthur’s chambers.

His fingers itch, longing to search through his spells book. He hasn’t had yet the opportunity - between being a Prince taking most of his day, and Arthur being at his side when he had been off duty. Unfortunately, it will have to wait until tomorrow - it would look suspicious if he went out in the night.

So. He should rest. After all, a clear mind will be necessary in the morning, both for council and for finding a way to break the spell they’re under, right?

Only looking at the bed though makes Merlin’s entrails twitch in disgust. This is wrong indeed; and will never feel otherwise. And no matter how comfortable that bed is, Merlin now knows (he might grow understanding of Arthur’s lack of will to leave it on some mornings from now on, huh), you bet he will never even contemplate sleeping in it.

Merlin makes his bed for the night on the floor, wondering if Arthur has been able to fall asleep yet.

.

Bear with me. The Dragonlord bond is an intrinsic link between souls, which is why it isn’t affected by the body swap. Whereas magic inhabits everything it’s in, and is therefore by nature anchored in physicallity. It explains too somehow why magic in general can be learned/found, but that the Dragonlord bond can only be inherited. Oh well, it makes sense in my head, at least…

Also :( I’ve really hurt myself with Kilgarrah’s last line :( Because of course Merlin *will* wonder about this, *for centuries*, later on (my heart:(). Anyone willing to hold me while I cry, pretty please?

.

XII. SOMETIMES, YOU PUZZLE ME (ARTHUR POV)

“Sire, you should rest.”

“Just a little bit longer, Gaius. Until the candles are out.”

“As you wish.”

A respectful bow; then Gaius is on his way to Merlin’s room, giving Arthur space and quiet - and only when the door closes does Arthur realize that he just kicked an old man out of his own bed?

Well, let it be worth it then, right! Arthur closes his eyes, breathing deeply, trying to connect with the magic inside. He actually feels it, now that he knows what to search for. He has no idea still though about how to have it work, apparently…

He can’t help but wonder briefly if Merlin has been able to fall asleep yet, before concentrating again on that damn water…

/

Arthur awakes, wincing, still at the table. Gaius has left bread and jam out for him, and he hastily eats before running out to help Merlin prepare (both physically and mentally) for concil. It is still earlier than he thought it was it seems, luckily. The kitcheners have just begun their work; Gaius does prefer to pick herbs in the early morning indeed. Arthur takes some bread and jam for Merlin, as little else is ready yet, and makes for his chambers.

When he gets in, Merlin is putting his clothes on. He is nearly finished; only the tunic and the coat are still laid out on the already made bed. Arthur approaches to help him with fastening the ties, and so notices the spread-out covers and pillows on the floor behind the bed.

“Merlin? Did you actually sleep on the floor?”

“Well, that bed of yours is way too soft���, Merlin retorts (even though Arthur DID see him getting out of said bed just the morning before: it hadn’t been too soft apparently, when Merlin hadn’t known it was Arthur’s, huh…), trying to cover his embarassment before walking out, heading for the stream. And Arthur has no choice but to follow, shaking his head while wondering if there would ever come a day when Merlin would stop astonish him…

/

After having left Merlin at the concil’s door, Arthur gets back to his bowls and water.

He has no progress to show though still when Merlin comes in and gives him a very detailed summary of what has been discussed. Arthur is thankful - even though he hasn’t doubted Merlin’s capacities (Merlin acting like an idiot or being clueless about etiquette doesn’t mean Merlin isn’t clever, indeed).

Then Merlin takes up the spoons, and helps Arthur train more actively about his magic again. They are both pleased to discover that Arthur is now able to divert about a third of the projectiles.

“Why am I getting better with the spoons and not making any progress with the water?”, Arthur wonders aloud.

“I am certain you will figure it out, Sire”, Merlin only has time to pledge as Gaius walks in, holding out a book and placing it on the table - which definitely ends the spoons training as Arthur and Merlin come to gather around it.

Gaius and Merlin seem to be waiting for his cue, so Arthur is the one to open the book, feeling both hopeful (this book might contains the answer to their predicament!) and worried (what if this book is simply full of evil?).

Arthur starts to read silently, both cautious about eventual passers-by overhearing and unwilling to invoke any probable further disaster on themselves by reading what could be spells aloud, a finger tracing along the opening line.

“Magic is potential, and possibilities. Its use is a choice, and a responsability”, Merlin whispers, echoing what Arthur is reading.

Arthur is stunned, and can’t help but blurt out in disbelief, turning his attention on Merlin:

“You know how to read?”

Merlin only shrugs.

“Sure I do. My mother taught me, along with the other kids from Ealdor. You know, the fact that it surprises you that a peasant can read probably says more about Camelot’s rampant illiteracy than about me?”

And Arthur can only admit it’s true:

“You’re right. We should probably ask Geoffrey to organize something about it.”

Then Arthur points at the book:

“But of course you may read along; it concerns you too. It might be safer though not to read aloud, you know…” (gesturing around, waving a hand)

“I can do that too”, Merlin assures.

So Arthur sits down on the bench, motioning for Merlin to do the same next to him. Gaius sits on the opposite bench - ready to give advice or help if needed; or ensuring they do not damage the book before it gets returned to the vaults?

They read further in silence, two pairs of eyes following the path of Arthur’s finger.

Arthur quickly realizes though that the first part of the book focuses on magical creatures, and skips through it - it might be handy, but it’s not what they need at the moment (he can’t refrain from briefly pausing though passing by the unicorns page)…

Then they reach the spells section, and Arthur turns tense.

And rightly.

When he understands what the first spell is about, he can’t help but shout out, pushing the book away:

“This is what Valiant did! How can we trust this book of tricks?” - this is nothing but evil indeed.

.

Of course Merlin just HAD to read that opening line aloud while in Arthur’s presence, huh…

.

XIII. PROGRESS (ALTERNATE MERLIN/ARTHUR POV)

“This is what Valiant did! How can we trust this book of tricks?”

There is fire in Arthur’s eyes - an anger at Valiant’s deeds that Merlin doesn’t wish to see grow blinding. Gaius gives Merlin a look, and Merlin understands that Gaius wants to be the one explaining - to protect him, surely. Merlin signals ‘no’; but Gaius is speaking anyway before Merlin has even opened his mouth.

“Sire, Valiant’s actions were definitely condemnable indeed; but the book is not to blame. It simply explains how to animate figures - it doesn’t tell *why* the spell should be used; that intent is entirely the responsability of the one using the spell. So yes, Valiant used such a spell to kill; but such a spell can be used to save or help too; can be useful and good.”

Arthur doesn’t seem convinced at all, judging by the growling tone in his voice:

“How could such a spell ever be used for good?”

Let’s say you need to animate snakes out of a shield at your will to confound an evil man and save a noble one; Merlin thinks but does not say, pleading Gaius to let him deal further with Arthur’s ire. Merlin has often pondered of course, even if with little success, about the best way to explain it all to Arthur. But he realizes, suddenly, that using Arthur’s own words and opinions might be the most helpful in that regard.

“Remember what you told me, Sire; about Will? So. Having magic is *not* having a weapon. It’s simply having *a tool*. You can use an axe to build a shelter or to break down a door - and even then, you might only be breaking that door to save blocked-in people from fire. You can use a shovel to plant an apple tree or to dig a grave - and even then, it might be out of respect and love, in another culture. The axe or the shovel have nothing to say about why they are used for. In the end, maybe, the only thing magic actually reveals is what’s truly in one’s heart.”

This approach works better, apparently. Palpable facts he experienced himself weigh more than rethorical theories in Arthur’s thoughts process. Arthur tilts his head, actually considering now, instead of refusing it all at once.

“So. This spell? Let’s say you badly injure yourself while alone and away, and you conjure a horse to carry you back home quickly enough to be saved? Let’s say a child is crying and you create a butterfly or something, to bring up a smile?”

“A butterfly, Merlin?”

Arthur looks incredulous but sounds, if anything, teasing - which Merlin interprets as a sign of progress, a smile growing on his face. He only shrugs though, playing along.

“What’s wrong with a butterfly?”

“Nothing, I guess, indeed. Let’s go on then.”

They read further for about an hour, Gaius preparing potions behind them. Arthur never shouts out again, but expectantly looks at Merlin on the few occasions he apparently feels like he might maybe be missing the whole picture. And Merlin just goes with it; the surprised yet somehow satisfied glow in Arthur’s eyes each time in some way worth the risk of possibly divulging too much…

Until dinner time comes, and Merlin has to go. He takes his leave, telling Arthur he should read on. Arthur’s answer leaves him breathless.

“I’d probably see things only one way on my own; who knows what I’ll miss… I’d rather bring the book to my chambers while you eat, and you can read further later. Besides, I should work on my water, you know… Be ready for it, in case you find something.”

Merlin can only nod, speechless from Arthur’s obvious trust.

As he opens the door, Arthur surprises him yet again, talking to his back: “And just so you know, I wouldn’t put you in the stocks for sleeping in my bed while you’re, well, me. What would the guards think if they saw me sleeping on the ground? ”

The tone is more gentle than gloating, and Merlin feels warmed up as he realizes Arthur is being simply honest. It doesn’t change his view on the matter though.

“I told you, Sire; I do not find your bed comfortable to start with.”

He doesn’t dare to look at Arthur as he walks out.

/

Gaius has proposed to bring the book to his chambers. He said he had to bring Morgana her sleeping draught anyway; but Arthur couldn’t help but sense that there was more to it - maybe he’d rather not have 'Merlin’ seen with such a book, maybe Geoffrey has made him sworn an oath to never let it out of his sight… Anyway, Arthur doesn’t have it in his heart to deny Gaius the demand.

Once alone, Arthur sits again in front of his two bowls. He closes his eyes, reaching *inside*.

It’s a tool. He tells himself when he senses the flow. Not a weapon.

There had been something in the way Merlin had talked. It had sometimes felt more like mentioning actual events than thinking aloud (Had Will ever performed any of the spells they read about?); especially - even though surprisingly - about…

It’s harmless. Merlin says it can be used to make butterflies.

Arthur takes a deep breath; focuses - visualizing in his head what he wishes to achieve.

When Arthur opens his eyes, the water has switched bowl.

Arthur blinks.

Then a loud “Yes” echoes in the room.

.

Arthur makes several times the water switch from bowl; then the books on the shelves from order (size, alphabetical, themes (as it was originally)) - he doesn’t dare mess with Gaius’s ingredients though, of course. At some point, he eyes the chamberpot and tests it too, like Merlin had mentioned they could once Arthur would have gotten how to. And indeed, it works too! Arthur can’t help but feel proud, trying to imagine the look on Merlin’s face come morning…

Then Arthur realizes maybe they do not have to be under the spell to start with any longer! What if he can just wish it away? Sadly, though, it doesn’t work; no matter how much nor how hard Arthur tries. Feeling a bit defeated now, even though he knows he definitely booked progress, Arthur decides he should go to sleep. With any luck, he might need all his energy tomorrow, if tonight turns out to be as fortunate for Merlin as it has been to him…

Gaius hasn’t come back yet - he probably stayed with Merlin to study the book; after all, as Court Physician, no one would question how long he stayed by his injured Prince… Arthur opens the door to Merlin’s bedroom - he doesn’t intend to keep Gaius out of his own bed tonight too…

/

As soon as possible, Merlin excuses himself from Uther’s and Morgana’s company to get to his book.

Since Gaius has given it to him, he hasn’t really had time to study it - mostly, he’s called forth through his magic the necessary spell or information when he needed any. He hopes though that the book will help them again, as it has in the past, and that he will find something useful in the over two thirds of the spells section he hasn’t read yet…

It’s late into the night when Merlin’s heart skip a beat. A spell-breaking spell? This might work, right! After all, one doesn’t have to reverse a spell to have it undone! Merlin rereads the pages again, and wishes the morning to hurry in order to show his finding to Arthur and Gaius.

.

Arthur saw magic as a weapon, of course. Which was sort of getting in the way of having his magic work for more than blocking the spoons attacks, because he felt still somehow that he *shouldn’t* use it, no matter the need to use it to fix their problem. But now that Merlin has had him understand, at least for a while, that it isn’t by definition a weapon, Arthur somehow feels like it is all right to use it. Which is why it works this time? It makes sense in my head, at least?

And imo Merlin wound’t link magic to a weapon both because he wants to unmake that precise link existing already in Arthur’s mind; but mostly because, well, he doesn’t see it that way - HE USES IT TO MAKE BUTTERFLIES, RIGHT (and I love him for it, HUGE sigh…)

.

XIV. THE SPELL (ARTHUR POV)

Arthur reads the pages Merlin just put under his nose with the utmost attention. A spell to break any spell? That sounds promising indeed!

Arthur can’t help but worry though, as he realizes that the primary condition for the spell to work is that the enchanted person(s) has to be truly, entirely, honestly willing to see the spell lifted for it to work (AN: which explains why Merlin cannot use that spell later on whenever Arthur is bewitched by the way…). And it is not about Merlin (positively-glowing-from-hope-right-now Merlin, sleeping-on-the-floor Merlin) Arthur has doubts about; it is about himself.

The truth, Arthur realizes with a shock, is that he likes it now, somehow - having magic!? Since Merlin told he saw it as a tool - not a weapon; and since Arthur has been proven that he could master his new abilities? Arthur has started considering apparently, at the back of his head, how it could turn out handy, how it could turn out good, for his people? What if he could multiply crops on bad years, ensuring no one would starve that winter? What if he could protect the borders, ensuring no one with ill intent could pass? *What if he could*- And that? That is the most dangerous, treacherous thought Arthur could ever have. Not only because it would be ill advised to rely on something that might disappear just as quickly as it has appeared to start with, but because the fact that he feels *tempted* to use it at all might be a signal of its luring, corrupting qualities. Who knows what he might get tempted to use it for, in time? Will there even come a limit? And that is what frightens Arthur the most - to succumb to its call. It would start with a genuine heart, but who could know how so much power might ever alter his first intentions?

So. No; indeed. He mustn’t entertain those thoughts. He should use magic to fix their current situation, and he will, simply because it is the only way to fix it to start it; but it would be for the best if it just disappeared along with it the moment their problem is solved. Besides, he owes it to Merlin, right. Because what if the magic stayed in Merlin’s body, instead of staying with his mind after they get back into their own bodies anyway? He would never wish to see such a risk, and a burden, on Merlin’s shoulders - particularly as he would know he would be responsible for it…

Arthur takes a deep breath, letting go of what could be, to focus on wishing for what must be.

/

The preparations are quite quick - Gaius already has everything they need in stock. It’s merely a mix of relaxing herbs, Merlin says as he aligns several pots of herbs in front of Arthur, that Arthur will have to crush into his hands. If anything, it smells nice, Arthur can’t help but notice with satisfaction. Somehow, the fact that it isn’t nauseous makes it feel not-evil.

The incantation is more tricky. It’s about six lines of text Arthur has to memorize and chant; and most of the words Arthur has never heard, so… Again, why can’t he simply wish for the spell to disappear - like with the water? Merlin explains that Arthur has to make the words his own while focusing on what he wishes - because it’s not only about working his own magic but also about lifting their attacker’s magic control on their bodies (even though it’s all a bit unclear whether the words of the spell are actually what makes it happens, or if they only help him achieve a certain level of inner focus that makes it happens - but Merlin might not know everything anyway, and whatever the reason, Arthur just HAS to master the incantation then anyway.)

It doesn’t seem to work, though. Hours later, and still nothing has changed; no matter how often Arthur has recited the spell nor the amount of herbs he has crushed into his hands. It’s not only frustrating and disheartening - it’s simply infuriating: Merlin and him were both so hopeful this might be it!

“It will work. *You* will make it work, Sire,” Merlin swears, voice steady, clear eyes unwavering, each time Arthur starts again.

Arthur closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and tries again. He owes it to Merlin’s faith in him to keep trying.

/

And then, suddenly, it’s done. Arthur has no idea what finally did it but he knows it’s done: he hears HIS voice chanting as Merlin gasps. And when Arthur opens his eyes, he sees Merlin, and not his own body. And the crazy thing? For a split second, it feels weird.

“This is real, right?” Arthur can’t help but ask, still in disbelief.

“I told you you’ll do it,” Merlin answers, beaming at him - proud of him, even.

They exchange a winning grin. Then Arthur howls.

/

The surge of victory and relief ends quickly though, replaced by crushing worry.

“Do you feel any different, Merlin?”, Arthur has to ask, as he doesn’t feel any warm tingling when searching inward. He is relieved to feel free from it; but not if the cost is that Merlin is tied to it now.

Merlin blanches, most probably from realizing the danger he could be in, and doesn’t answer right away - which is good, because it means that Merlin is actually doing an internal thorough check; but the silence is simply excruciating.

“Please tell me it’s gone,” Arthur can’t help but whisper, as if speaking the words could make it truth, even knowing he’s lost any ability to make it so.

[galfridus1]

Another fic for my collab project with @maybeishouldwait - thanks so much Beth for writing these with me!

@princessfroslass said via message: Congratuations for the 500 followers! Could you do a Melizabeth one-shot with “You don’t have to pretend with me”? :3

Thanks so much for asking, and I really am sorry for being tardy with the response. Here’s some Melizabeth :)

“She really is cute isn’t she. What an adorable little girl.”

Meliodas gazed out at the castle grounds, his eyes fixed on the silver-haired child running with abandon across the field, arms outstretched as if in flight and head thrown back in laughter. She was followed close behind by two others, both running at her full pelt. Her siblings, having longer legs, caught up with Elizabeth easily and knocked her to the daisy-dusted ground, the three of them giggling like crazy as they rolled in the dry summer grass. The picture of perfect family life, the family he could never have.

Amidst the fun of the game, Elizabeth stood on stubby legs, wobbling slightly. Catching sight of her knight, she waved enthusiastically towards Meliodas, who grinned from ear to ear as he responded in kind. Veronica scowled, her displeasure evident even from this distance, and quickly pulled Elizabeth back into the game. He had no idea why she disliked him so much.

“Have you often seen her this age?” Merlin asked, her amber eyes boring into him, as usual seeking information she had no right to know. Meliodas sighed, he hated talking about Elizabeth’s past lives, as if they weren’t painful enough the first time round. But this was Merlin and, as he knew from long experience, resistance was futile.

“More times than I’d like, being honest. It makes things pretty awkward,” Meliodas replied, his eyes returning to the small girl at play.

“Why?” Merlin turned her face towards him, staring at him, a slight smile curving her lips. Meliodas sighed; he should have realised Merlin was not to be fobbed off. “I mean, what difference does it make what age she is?” Merlin continued into the silence. “I understand this is painful, but…”

“There’s always the possibility that her life will end young if I find her as a child,” Meliodas explained his fingers digging into the rough stone of the wall he and Merlin were sitting on. It had been a nice, lonely spot, the perfect place to keep an eye on Elizabeth until his companion of old had turned up. Now he was having to answer a bunch of questions he really did not want to tackle. “She can’t die until I’ve found her, right?” he continued. “If she’s an old woman already at least she’s had a long life for once. If she’s an infant, all bets are off.”

Meliodas focused his attention on the children still playing on the castle lawn. He looked relaxed, but his guard was not down: aside from being Princess Elizabeth’s personal Holy Knight, he had also sworn to protect her and, even in the near-absolute safety of the grounds of Liones Castle his senses were on full alert. Right now, the most likely threat came from the girls themselves. Margaret was a responsible child, but Veronica tended to be a little boisterous with play.

“Do you ever see her as an old woman?” Merlin asked in surprise. “I thought… well, I presumed that…”

“I know,” Meliodas said curtly. “Yes, usually she does die pretty young but there has been one occasion where she made it to a ripe old age. I took me a while to find her. I was…” Meliodas bit on his lower lip, his hands clenched into fists which he scraped on the wall. He had absolutely no desire to relive that experience.

“You were what?” Merlin asked unperturbed and Meliodas sighed; she never did know when to let go.

“I… it was the first time I tried… anyway it didn’t work. I woke up in Purgatory of all places. He kept me there for years. By the time I got out, Elizabeth was an old woman. She’d married someone else.” At this, Meliodas’s playful voice broke slightly as the memory of seeing his goddess in the arms of another, forced itself into his consciousness. It had nearly killed him, if that were possible of course. It was almost worse than seeing her die.

“She always loves me, no matter what her age,” Meliodas spat, his hands clenching into fists in his lap as Merlin continued to stare at him. “Even if she’s a small child she seeks me out.”

“The power of true love I suppose,” Merlin said thoughtfully.

“You think so?” Meliodas’ eyes narrowed slightly, the only sign of his perturbation.

“Well… yes. Don’t you too?” Merlin asked, her eyes widening slightly.

Meliodas looked out towards the grounds, his hearts aching as his eyes fell on the child in question. Elizabeth was laughing as she danced lightly across the ground, a sound that he usually found soothing. Now it felt more like a knife sticking in his chest. “No,” he acknowledged. “For me, it just brings home the reality; that this damn curse controls our lives. If we find each other when she’s grown, I can kid myself it’s genuine affection. But if she shows these feelings as a child? Well, then I know they must be fabricated.”

“You don't think Elizabeth loves you?” Merlin asked, incredulously. “After all these millennia…”

“She doesn’t. Not in the real sense,” Meliodas said softly, his bright green eyes shining. “Her feelings are pre-programmed. That’s why she comes to me even when she’s a little baby. The emotion is already there. I never earn it.”

“I think you are mistaken.” Meliodas’s fingers clenched, scraping across the rough stone. He ought to have known Merlin would not understand. There had been partners of course, but none that ever truly touched her heart; he wondered if she even knew what true love entailed. He knew he ought to let the argument go and appear to accept Merlin’s wisdom, but something in him would not let him give way. She was always so sure, so certain that she could articulate how the world worked. It was infuriating and he would prove her wrong.

“Well, you know more about this curse than anyone. Are you telling me it’s not a possibility?” he asked lightly, forcing his voice to assume its usual playful timbre. He felt a rush of satisfaction as Merlin’s head dropped, her eyes focusing on the hands in her lap. Got you he thought as he continued to regard her in silence, almost able to see the way her mind was working. “Come on, you don’t have to pretend with me. I’ve met her one hundred and seven times now; I know what I’ve seen.”

Lips pursed, Merlin took several deep breaths, her chest visibly rising and falling as she considered her next move. “I have a question,” she finally murmured, her lips a severe, thin line. “Do you love her?”

“What?” Meliodas asked, his eyes snapping to Merlin’s in an instant. “What do you mean?”

“What I say. Do you love her?” Merlin returned his gaze with no sign of discomfort and Meliodas suddenly felt his hearts beating wildly.

“Of course,” he spluttered. How could she ask that? In what way could he have left any room for doubt. “Do you think…”

“What I mean is, how do you know your feelings for her are real?” The challenge in Merlin’s glare was unmistakable, her grin triumphant. “If her’s are ‘pre-programmed’ what’s so different about yours?

“What is love anyway?” Merlin continued as Meliodas forced himself to stay calm. He placed his hands round the back of his head, smiling slightly as he regarded Elizabeth once again. It was nearly tea time and the children’s governess had come to find her charges and usher them back to the palace. Meliodas watched carefully as the party made their way back across the lawn, checking Elizabeth made it safely into the castle. He then rose, determined to follow her, thankful that her departure gave him an excuse to leave.

“You can’t answer can you?” Merlin crowed, her cherry lips curved upwards in an undeniable smirk. She always did like thinking she was right. “My view it doesn’t really matter anyway. If you feel it, it’s real. And Elizabeth feels it. Definitely. You must know that…”

“Got to go.” Meliodas quickly stepped away from the sorceress, heading back towards the castle. He was more angry than he had been for a while, and his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides as he worked to control his temper. He would not give Merlin the satisfaction of showing how much she had riled him, but her words nagged at his brain as he walked. What if he did not love Elizabeth? If it was all the curse…

“Mewiodas, will ooo come and pway with me?”

With a start he looked down as Elizabeth wrapped her arms round his legs, nearly knocking him to the floor and he smiled. Whatever the curse did to them in the future, they had each other today.