#my personal stress ball
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life absolutely sucks ass for me at the moment so you know i'm going to go ham with god awful angst
this is somewhat of an extension of my leon love language post bc i wanted to explore for the longest time how his relationships would fall apart because he cant be there for them and wanted to make it a bit realistic (a bit. dont expect too much from me please)
also going to be my first leon x reader when it's done, wish me luck!
#shai.txt#rant#private life is a mess#my gallbladder acted out because i was too stressed & landed me in the e.r. for the night last week#have been ill ever since#i'm so sick ffs#so you know i had to do it to leon#my personal stress ball#everybody's going to suffer because im suffering#in a silly goofy mood#shai's writings#anyway did you see new re4r footage? effervescent#my tiktok fyp is all leon and this is only the crumbs#i CANT wait us to collectively lose our minds in march
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drew them being nice too often. they are assholes
#rottmnt mikey#rottmnt leo#mini sep au#my art#Leo’s love language is treating Mikey like his own personal stress ball
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I'm in A Mood™ (stressed) so im going back to my roots of melting two character together into one person. So bruce wayne!danny fenton. Danny Fenton who, for eight years, grew up in a beautiful gothic manor with his mom and dad under the name "Bruce Wayne". Playing piano with his mother, running around the manor with his father.
Then when he's eight it's ripped away from him. There's blood on his hands and pearls pooling at his feet, and both his parents are dead in front of him.
And he gets shipped off to distant relatives "the Fentons" shortly after, Alfred close on his heels because someone needs to take care of him, someone that knows him. Bruce goes to the Fentons for the safety of anonymity. Gotham's press wants to sink its teeth into him.
Danny misses his city even if it took everything from him. There are shadows in his eyes and he's pale as a sheet even beside his distant cousins, and they change his name to "Danny Fenton' because nobody should know that their newest child was illustrious orphan Bruce Wayne.
They call him Bruce behind closed doors. Danny prefers it that way, he clings onto the name -- the one his parents gave him -- like a lifeline. He makes friends with Sam and Tucker. Tucker takes one look at the willowy, morbid little boy standing in the corner like a shade, ghosts in his eyes, and drags him out into the sunlight, and takes him over to Sam.
When Danny is twelve, he's still not over it -- and he's a little obsessed with the Fentons' research, with the morbid. He has books upon books on death, murder, detective work. Anything he can get his hands on. And stars. He loves stars.
Alfred owns the apartment next to them and comes over regularly. Danny clings to him.
When Danny is twelve, he's still quiet, meek, a shy little thing prone to being bullied. Freaky little Fenton with the night in his eyes and too-cold skin even before he put one foot in the grave. in a sleepover in his room with Sam and Tucker, he tells them the truth. They're his friends, he trusts them.
"My name is Bruce." he murmurs, voice quiet as the breeze, always quiet. he's staring at his star-covered sheets.
"Like Bruce Wayne?" Tucker asks, a joking tone in his voice.
Danny smiles a little, lamb-like with insecurity. "I am Bruce Wayne." And he takes them down to the lab, disrupting Maddie and Jack, to prove it. Sam tells them of her own wealth then shortly after. They start calling Danny "Bruce" in private too -- its trust. Thats what it is. It's trust.
Sam goes to media functions and comes back with aching feet and complaints on her tongue -- and Danny soaks it up all like a sponge, splayed across a beanbag chair with Tucker in her room. He's not envious of her, he used to go to events with his parents and they kept him safe from the ugly of Gotham's Elite. For the most part. He's had comments made at him, he doesn't miss them.
Alfred returns to the manor semi-regularly, Danny goes with him. he wanders the hallways and helps Alfred clean, the last thing either of them want is for their home to fall into disrepair. He brings Jazz with him next time, then Tucker, then Sam. They all help him clean, and he shows them his room. The one across from his parents', it feels strange.
When Danny dies when he's fourteen, the first adult he tells is Alfred. He and Jazz go over to his house more often than they stay in the Fentonworks building. At least at Alfred's, the food doesn't come to life. Alfred sits at the kitchen table and weeps when Danny tells him, Jazz is upstairs, and its just the two of them.
Danny's ghost form wears pearls around his wrist and the gloves look stained with some kind of black substance. He looks like a child who died in a lab accident, but he also looks like a child who has shadows dripping off his shoulders, curling at his feet, hanging from his eyes.
because amorphous blob batman has my heart always and danny/bruce will not escape it even in death even if that IS the only reason im giving him Mild BatBlob Vibes...so far
when they go to the manor, alfred helps danny make a pile of stones between Martha and Thomas' graves, nobody but the two of them (and sam and tucker) will know what it means. (not even bruce's children later down the line, not for a long, long time)
danny dives into ghost fighting on shaky feet and not half as witty as he once was in one world. he's skittish, skittering between blasts from shadow to shadow and clumsily making his way through each battle. but helping people lights a fire in him. he still has shadows dripping off his feet but there's a purpose in his eyes.
and god help him, he's going to help people.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#dpxdc prompt#this is just me torturing danny for a little bit because im stressed and i cried for an hour while i was driving so im taking it out on B#thanks for being my little stress ball danny#aha my old middle school habit of frankensteining two characters together is resurfacing again :) yall should've seen my wattpad drafts#in middle school. i had 50 of them and most of them were me combining two characters together to make one person and putting them in one au#my most memorable being skydoesminecraft and harry potter. THAT was a fun worldbuilding experience#do i think that growing up with the fentons would fix bruce/danny completely?? hurm. no. dont kid yallselves jazz is not a licensed#therapist not even at like. nine when she meets danny. she's not helping him through his trauma in the slightest. she's nagging.#she's his sister or sister-like figure before she's his therapist. would he be#*entirely* like canon bruce tho?? no. dannybruce is a mix of the both of them. but this is still the first post of the au and is more so#just me doing the equivalent of popping a stress ball so nothing is smoothed over. mostly im just trying to keep bruce's trauma prominent i#danny's character because he IS Bruce. i dont want him to just be 'danny with bruce's backstory but without any of the ugly bits'.#danny and bruce is used interchangeably because they're the same person but sorry if his personality feels imbalanced i came up with this o#the spot. was going to type more but the stress has left me. for now. watch ur back danny 👀
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experimentation is forever and ever and emmet is guinea pig
#still working with colors. I need to eat a ball of light#MAGMA SAVE ME. SAVE ME PERSONAL MAGMA CANVAS#I find magma a lot less stressful to try stuff on tbh. it's probbaly because of how their brushes feel#I TECHNICALLY can somewhat emulate it in my main drawing program. but magma just has such a nice feel#anyways. shrug. I like emmet a loADUGHSADO TAGS CANCELLED I HGAVE THE HICCUPS. GOD HATES ME#GOD WANTS ME DEAD. THIS IS TRHE WORST. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT HTE FUCK MAN. STOP HICCUPING. STOPPPP#AOOAUAUUUAGUUAUHHUHUHAUUGUAHHUAUHHHGHHUHUGUUHAG#glances around. are you okay now. did you stop hiccuping.#OKAY I THINK WE"RE GOOD. thank god#spenxer lou art#submas#pokemon submas#submas emmet#subway boss emmet#subway master emmet#subway bosses#btw the main stuff I've been working now is color gradients and saturation in shading / the affect colored outlines have. shrug#basically I stared at bluebellowls art too long and got mad enough to give myself a stomach ache <- can't make this shit up#uhmm. rubs brain. ???? I don't know what else to say. I've been improving sooooooo much but my hunger is insatiable. me want more
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Maybe an unpopular opinion but I don't think non-herding breeds should be allowed to take herding tests.
#its all fun and games except that there are other animals involved that are being stressed out for your game#its the same to me as doing bitesports with a retriever#so disrespectful to the breed you have#why do you want to get them to do the opposite of what they were made for???#i know this is unpopular and i dont care#i am so happy ckc hunting sports are gatekept#if you want to do herding then get or borrow a herding breed#or play treiiball so your dog herds balls instead of sheep#those are actual living animals and your poodle is controlled chasing not herding#ill get off my high horse but ill stand here brushing it while making eye contact at you#(you being the person bragging about it in the local dog group)#dogblr#dog sports
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overthinking silco and his ties
in the first act he’s wearing a clip on tie, nothing fully around his neck, but once vander does for the rest of the season he’s got a full tie on, one tucked under his collar and presumably around his neck. i saw someone say once that he made this change once he knew vander was gone because he wasn’t afraid of the pressure around his neck and the looming fear of being finished off.
in the alternative universe and younger versions he is not wearing any sort of neckwear. the reason for this is most likely to be a throwback to his old style and show that he’s less attentive about how he’s perceived but i personally love to look at silco in situations and think how can i make this worse for silco. and then i make it worse for silco. the alternative universe is actually incredibly unsettling once you take off the rose tinted goggles, there’s a lot of implications that don’t get mentioned or are simply brushed off. everyone is dressed up nice for the event being held. several of the guys in the background are wearing ties. ekko, mylo, and claggor all have a for of neckwear on, but silco does not. he still has a touch of elegance about his style with the red and gold accents, definitely more stylish than vander, but no tie. maybe in this universe silco never got over the fear of pressure around his neck, especially in the presence of the man who made him afraid. or maybe he just wanted to show off his sexy long neck. if so then good for him
#i need to be put in a padded cell#LISTEN! okay. yes hes my comfort character yes i find comfort in his discomfort hes like a stress ball to me#personally i love overthinking small details#maybe the curtains are just blue. but not in my house <3#silco arcane#vander arcane
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eunyung baek goes off the grid in their mid twenties and haejoons like guys hes fine he’s unreachable all the time he’s probably on an impulse trip to europe or some crazy shit hes fine he’ll reach out he always does while at the same time frantically stalking all his socials to figure out where the hell eunyung went and calling people and getting with private investigators and then eunyung messages the group chat out of nowhere one day like “heyyyy im in france lmaoo sorry my phone died and i couldnt find the right charger in stores (˶◕‿◕˶✿)” and then haejoon puts a bounty on his head
#i think theyre best friends in the most unbearable way possible#haejoon will never say eunyung is his best friend and vice versa but when they haven’t seen each other in awhile they start itching like#where the fuck is that guy why is he not two feet away in the bunk below/above me#and then eunyung visits for the holidays and its nice for 24 hours before theyre at each others throats#theyre that post like ‘my best and only friend in highschool was this kid i would meet up with in the field to beat the shit out of each#other because we both had anger issues and no way to vent them’#they use each other like stress balls their personalities clash soo much but they care too much to ever not be friends#haejoon: as much as it pains me to admit youll always have a room at my place#eunyung: why does it pain you to admit that.#haejoon: because youre annoying as fuck to live with#eunyung: (˶◕‿◕˶✿) tehe#no home
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I love you random af Slider-Mav rivalry and exasperated Iceman watching them in the bg
#you cannot tell me they don't fight over which of them is ice's favorite person#ice is so tired#they're both idiots but they're his idiots#platonic slice and romantic icemav and frenemies slimav my mfing beloved#squeezing these 3 in my hand like a stress ball#top gun#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#ron slider kerner#icemav
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little lord cottonball gazing down from his ominous perch
#cats#Actualyl very too stressed and tired to type much in the tags for once as I typically do lol#I have many appointments this month and other things plus like 3 projects I'm trying to finish so... eughhghh#I actually have like 5 outfit pictures orsomething nearly completely ready to post on here and plenty of like#Content or things I could be posting to keep up some semblance of being a Normal Social Media Using Person but#idk.. i have to be in a very specific mood to post online lol.. a very vague conceptual state#It does not come naturally to me at all especically when I'd rather be off in my own world doing whatever like organizing rocks#and rolling little balls of clay and thinking about fantasy elven religions and etc.#like when stressed out so on and so forth... so I actually have to force myself like 'hey... remember.. you did an outfit.. POST IT' etc#ANYWAY...#a beauntifulle little cat image...
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Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"
#quote from MLP:FIW#sorryyyy been kinda angry about my step family all day#sorry but im so tired of my Stepmom acting like she raised decent kids#my step brother is like 25 and living in my dads home. hes unironically an andrew tate fan and treats his very disabled girlfriend like shit#step sister always got compred to my sister who's the same age and put step sis in the light every time EVEN THO MY SIS WAS LITERALLY BETTER#<- like grades n shit#also both step sibs are gross. never cleans up ever. step brother and his gf are banned from the basement#step bro went to juvy when he was 16 and step sis had a trial last year and almost went to jail#also step sis has mono and would rather die than cover her mouth#i feel bad for SB's girlfriend because she has no other support system and sometimes it feels like SB or SS is trying to kill her?????#my dad threatened to kick out the adults if the house is dirty (adults being SB. SBG. SS. My sister. Aunt.)#My sister does SO MUCH HOUSEWORK and nobody cares and im mad#also bullshit rules recently have made my potential eating disorder worse#i don't think its healthy to rather starve than wash a dish but i actually have cried several times over this#not to mention how much i accidentally starve myself#also our food has been less and less because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat anymore because of my step family#also i have to share the smallest room with my sister. its okay tho ilh and i wouldn't want to get rid of her#sometimes it feels like my stepmom doesn't like me or my sisters because we're “weird”. childish interests and artistic#she lectured me about having missing assignments and I started crying#i said i just forgot to turn in some before the deadline and she called me lazy#<- Oops! so close. its actually THE MENTAL ILLNESS#my sisters and i feel like shit#i feel like my safe space is with my oldest sister.#and you all too! i love you guys#i just feel trapped. trapped by my step family. trapped by my own mind.#i was just starting to feel free from the burden of school and she just made me feel more stressed.#i didn't want to study because she killed the little motivation I had#Spanish exam is now “Fuck it we ball”#sorry for the personal post
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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#sorry let me rant real quick in the tags#cw personal#once again hitting an insurance pothole bc the psych says she accepts my OHP plan HOWEVER the therapy group she is contacted with says#THEY don't#they only accept the insurance if it's through my employer but NOT through the government??????????????#so there's still some kind of payment???#anyway I want to scream why is this so complicated#like will she take my insurance or not who's right here#anyway called her back directly and went to voicemail so now I've done all I can for now#why the hell is this so hard man#the person on the phone didn't know really how to explain#once again no one knows what they're talking about#like can y'all not communicate and figure this out?#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i need to get an ADHD eval before my next PCP appointment in june so that they will continue giving me my meds#and the psychiatry through the hospital has a limited number of visits that insurance will cover#*contracted#not retyping all of that#and once again the only reason this is so stressful is because the psychiatry group at the hospital fumbled the communication ball last tim#and the psychiatrist I was with never put the ADHD on the chart#and now somehow it's MY responsibility to fix that>#UGH#like I am grateful to have some kind of coverage but holy shit is the US healthcare system in shambles#the bureaucracy is INSANE#i had to just sit down and put my head in my hands for a second#and then go 'right okay nothing i can do about that rn moving on'#uGH#literally said 'what the FUCK' out loud a couple times#like not on the phone after I hung up obvs
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I cannot stress enough how much I hate having an anxiety/panic disorder. Everything is wrong or a huge deal and then it actually isn't and you look like an idiot for not being able breathe for an hour and a half.
#and your meds arent fucking working#i have been the biggest ball of stress for the past week and a half and i hate it#personal#sorry to ramble my brain is bad
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MANNNN my anxiety won’t QUIT. Send me some asks perhaps 🤲
#Long story short work has been REALLY fucking stressful#Like. I’ve just been completely buried for what feels like months#And I can’t keep up#And I keep getting chewed out for things that aren’t even my fault 😭#Talked to my coworkers today and they’re in the same boat#Me: Did you get chewed out by [boss name] too#My coworkers: Yup lol#I’M GLAD IT’S NOT JUST ME#That made me feel a little better#But I’m still just. A ball of stress#I can’t calm down 😭#I really need to learn how to leave all my stress at work once I walk out the door#But no she follows me home like a stalker. She won’t leave me ALONE#There’s only so much I can do. As one person. As one human being who only works 8 hours a day#Lies down#I’m so tired. I don’t want to be anxious about this but apparently my body is making the rules! Damn her!!!#Shima speaks#Just remember you’re not alone Shima…your coworkers are as stressed and overworked as you are…
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HELLO RAZZ NATION i know u knew haha! im sure youre popping bottles abt YEAR 2 !!!! can we talk about it ive been dyin to talk abt it with u ALL DAY
bonus below the cut
(apart from this regularly scheduled redraw, i might be posting more silly and personally challenging oc art to celebrate. look forward to it (?))
#ocs#no id#FUCK i forgot abt ids again guys dw i’ll fix it soon probably#razzposting#they truly cant help being a libra#im so yay and happy!! a bit stressed and wrist a bit hurting but we ball anyway!!!!#im trying to take it slow and be normal but i have so many wips.. they will probs become a personal inktober type thing for me#either a birthweek or birthmonth nightmare gauntlet depending on my schedule lol
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Keeping my eye on the prize (trip planned for September, as well as PTO over the summer) in order to keep from screaming in this work meeting
#personal#I need to work on my resume even though I'm not job searching yet. Just get the ball rolling#taking time off i was able to see what parts of my job are stressing me out and what should be addressed. it's a lot#i can buy a new ergonomic chair. I can't buy new mgmt. But also other places could be just as bad?? ughghh#anyway happy Wednesday
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