#my people in the past deserved better
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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I'm kinda tired of dungeon meshi fans blatantly misinterpreting Kabru's goals, motivations, and character so they can ship him with Laios...like obviously it's awesome if you enjoy Laikabu but can you nooot twist Kabru's intentions for involving himself with the guy who constantly triggers his monster trauma and pisses him off so bad he gets brain damage so that he turns into "the guy who wants to suck Laios's dick" as his entire character? I've even seen people cut off Kabru's words to make it seem like he is admiring Laios because it would disrupt that narrative
#how can you think marcille hates laios and kabru wants to fuck him that's not.......canon.....#every time I see stuff of them it’s people being like 'oh kabru loves it so much when laios reminds him of his traumatic past'#be it his eyes/monsters/or the succubus thing 'he just HAS to fuck laios'#kui was noooooot intending for kabru to be lusting after that man!!!#i love laios but come ON why dont you actually care about KABRU tooooo#for l4bru to actually work one of them would have to suppress a big part of themselves and its ALWAYS on kabru it’s so insufferable#it's just like how some people misconstrued fem!toshiro blushing about laios to be her crushing on him when it was obv the same discomfort#but it made the microaggressions even worse because of the gender difference AS WELL as the culture difference#SIGH#i prommis ryoko kui did not create kabru so he can think about sucking laioss humungous donger all day fhsdkfhskjh#L4ikabu is the worst case I’ve seen of people twisting things for their ship because it’s literally just not true…#blatant misreading of the text goes crazy!!!!#like sure they're foils but what about the actual dynamic...w8 don't think about that actually cuz yoikes lol#obviously not threatening anyone who ships them please just stop saying it's canon oh my g#pwease actually read what kabru says he lays it out really clearly and has a super interesting backstory that drives his actions 🥲#i dont expect anyone to read this because im not using a tag but if u do then...🫢😯#i dont understand y ppl like it so much when laios ignores kabru so hard KABRU DESERVES BETTER#I’ve never felt like this about any ship before wow it just makes me 🫷
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I get a little indignant when i look up the lyrics for a song that has very straightforward and understandable meaning to anyone who has experienced a modicum of emotional pain in their life and there are websites like "Song Lyrics Explained" like ohhh some people have never had their heart broken I see.
#my stuff#if you look me in the eyes and say you don't 'get' Sleep Token's Apparition or Take Me Back To Eden in general...#like what even is there to say. they're about waking up from bittersweet dreams abt ppl you can't see anymore for reasons you didn't choose#and longing to return to experiences that cannot be recreated if the people you love don't make the effort to hold onto it like you do.#i am quite literally sick with longing and grief these past couple days and these are the only songs keeping me halfway sane#this all could have gone so very different. i know where you are. i know how to reach you. but i can't. you asked me not to.#so i have to cope with the knowledge that you're a short walk away almost every day and yet I'll probably never see you again#and it's not because i did anything wrong you're just the sort of person who can't be friends with someone after a romance#and your goodbye was absolute shit and i hate it and i want some fucking shred of acknowledgement that i deserve better!!!!#i want to know you aren't just trying to forget me entirely!! I want to be remembered!! I am remembering you!!
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Gonna ask this to a few people that inspire me, but how do you take inspiration from things without feeling like whatever you make is just bad in comparison? Or like a downgraded version of the thing(s) that inspired you?
(If this is too negative feel free to delete/ignore, I'm sorry)
Oh gosh this is such an interesting question since, I dont think I really have feelings of thinking my version is bad? Or that I am just a copy?
I am honestly just grateful my work became as popular as it is in the first place haha- low expectations going in to begin with. That and, I am very aware my art style isnt as defined and polished as other peoples styles, but I have come to terms with this! And hey the improvement in my own artwork over the past year is a massive trip if you go back through some of my older stuff- I am improving, slowly.
I mean, 2AL started by complete accident, and was "inspired" from me wishing the Leos from OMO or MNMC would hug it out already- but if you were to compare 2AL to one of those, they are very different. Hell even comparing OMO and MNMC, same starting point, but still very different.
I think my only advice to other people trying to make an AU is to try and find some core theme/idea and work around that, rather than gather a bunch of little things from other sources you like into a big pile. Find some key message to start up a base with.
#asks#no seriously 2al was by COMPLETE accident#and then it exploded so I kept it going#oh well#also like!!!!#seriously#the people you are probably comparing yourself too#chances are just have wayyy more experience and practice than you#like!!!! dude sometimes it hits me how many of my friends and other “big blogs” are either#1. professional artists who do this shit for a living anyways#or 2. have been drawing digitally for way way longer than me#digital art is still new territory for me so I am giving myself some slack here#that and I have no interest in art for a career#this is just my side hobby!#yknow!!!!#for FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!#and wheres the fun in going#“damn this person who has years more experience than me and draws for a living is... somehow better at drawing than me this is so unfair”#answer: theres no fun in that#but also fr-#I have only been doing digital art consistently (in this style specifically) for.#a year-#deadass.#I have not done much art before all this outside notebook paper doodles#and the occasional once every month or two painting#all this is so new to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#im learning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I deserve to give myself so so much slack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I have also improved so much in the past year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#oops tag ramble
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Happy birthday ritsuka uenoyama the entirety of given DOSENT DESERVE U AT ALL
#the narrative the characters the fandom and kizu should be ashamed of themselves ngl#the way you gave your VERY ALL to save mafuyu at his darkest being there at his lowest helping him to find light again#even if you think you are no better than the other even when you dont know his whole story even if you feel no better than his first#you still gave your very best for him by finishing his deceased lover's song and sang it for him#only for your character arc your development your issues insecurities and trauma to be ignored shunned and discredited#your lover was your first but you knew you weren't his first#you knew he loved someone way before you and now that he's gone your lover still clutched on to the past#but you helped him moved on from the darkness and give him the light through music#you ended up filling the void he left for your lover and everyone else only for you to become a shadow of him#the fact that you a main character is constantly set aside and had no character arc whatsoever just to make way for a deceased lover#you are often demonized and hated and told that his lover and his previous lover should've been together and he would choose him over you#and when you asked him one thing he then ignored you and you tired to reach out to him only for them to blame you as you are the problem#seeing you often makes me sad because you did SO MUCH of the story and the narrative would just trash you out#but when someone calls out that you deserved better the same people will stake them saying that you dont undertand the narrative at all#if they cant appreciate your efforts just because you are not him then i would#if you were my oc i would give u the amount of love they never gave#if you were my oc i would develop and expand your character arc so that i would know you better and your ambitions#if you were my oc i would make sure you would be as loved as everyone else#and if you were my oc i would create someone to love you understand your troubles and appreciate you efforts way more than your lover could#the fandom may love a previous lover he loved but you ritsuka uenoyama shall be mine#dont mind the corny ass tags i just feel like it lmfao#uenoyama deserves better#uenoyama ritsuka#ritsuka uenoyama#given#given manga#given anime#bl animanga
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aaaa I've always wanted to do one of these!! My blorbos over time my beloved....
I grouped em according to some stuff, labels under cut:
#isat odile#molly blyndeff#luke triton#katrielle layton#kazuma hikari#or something. sigh#megaman starforce 4#sara chidouin#Sorey#cassandra tangled#Lan Hikari#Pit kiu#I am Not Tagging All of These#velvet tfh#timekeeper cookie#Yes that's wightbaking. the yugioh card#The OGs just mean the very first blorbos I've ever had. childhood blorbos#one time fling. was really obsessed with them for like. one period. then I moved on#I still put them in a special place in my heart tho; for past me#Hour long essay is self explanatory#''Sketchz wait how do you have an hour long essay for a character that doesnt exist out of a single concept art-'#by making his lore myself obviously#Sorry for putting Sorey of all people in gacha. I'm forcing it a little and Tales of Link was a game#yes the calamity trio get one space together. I'm limiting to one per game/show but I couldnt choose a favorite#I love them all ok#yes the final column I gave up on assigning a theme to them#Ahhh Katrielle. you deserve better
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incoming: another fucking voltron rant because i watched a langst edit and now i wanna cry😭😭
they did not take time. they did not slow that show down for a little bit. especially for lance. cause he did not getting a fucking moment to find himself again after he FUCKING DIED. we saw him homesick, we saw him missing his family, we saw him insecure about his position on the team, we saw him insecure about himself, but we never actually saw him go anywhere else but being sad. he really did get barely any character development.
and tbh i feel like in a way just all the characters didnt have a moment to slow down. and i know, i know, its a kids show, its about fucking robots for fucks sake, theyre in the middle of a war. which, yeah. youre right. but there couldve been so much more, for him, for all of them. what about them? as people, with feelings. where are there emotions. why is it only sadness and happiness and not the enitre confusing spectrum of emotion between. does pidge not feel lost after she finds her brother? yeah, hes back, but i bet she didnt imagine she would be fighting an intergalactic war, and now matt is too. she imagined family dinner, brother barging into her room, dad making corny jokes, house happier and full of life.
hunks family was put in a fucking work camp. he had seen this across the galaxy, zarkons army imprisoning people, making them work, killing them. did he imagine that for earth ? did he imagine that for his family? how the fuck did he cope fighting a war, anxious as he is? how did he cope at all?
shiro isnt even in his fucking original body. thats fucking weird. im not saying that in a rude way bc like yeah, organ transplants are a thing irl, and a major life saving thing they are ! but like, how odd it must be to have someone elses kidney or heart in your body. nevermind to have your entire soul and conciousness put into another body, you but not really you.
keiths life,,, dude probably just doesnt even give anything a second fucking thought anymore. but like, could they not have shown him showing some more emotion. fair enough if he doesnt always cry in the moment but rather late on, but you'd think seeing allura die, they wouldve at least put some tears in his eyes. he had fucking no one before he had voltron. only shiro, and even then he was alone for so long when shiro had been on his mission. you cant tell me he didnt want to think of voltron as his family. they bonded :(
and lance, gosh lance. i feel like, if we looks at this as it is, lance would be the character that people think back on and go "oh yeah, he helped me accept my emotions, he helped me become the best version of me and gain confidence in who i am". in the fandom hes seen as someone with big emotions that he wears on his sleeve, but also someone who will put everyone else and their needs before himself.
he's a story of self-sacrifice, quite literally. he's the story of sincere love, of casual admiration. he's the story of the most wonderful friend, of loyalty, of no, I'll step down because there's a cause bigger than me, and im not the one for the job when there's people like my friends and you on the team.
and no one wanted to explore that? no one wanted to see him do more than just, what? flirt and literally die and fall in love and barely find his place on team voltron? that was it for him. it shouldn't have been, but it was.
#just... im no professional qriter but like#there couldve been more humanity to it yknow#to all of their emotions but most importantly lance who was brushed off time and time again#he was destined for greatness#hes so much more than what he shows people but the people just cant be bothered to look past the mask#:(#vld lance#lance mcclain#voltron#vld#mullettaegi#long post#i may be talking no sense but yall will be seeing it cause i cant be keeping this shit in my brain itll eat me up#i care about this show far too much and am not gonna hide anymore it means so much to me :(#and theres so so much more that im forgetting bc its been a while since i watched the show#so alls i can say is lance deserved better he deserved more he couldve been such a character!!#but ik there is so much more to it and i have more to say about his death but i just dont have the words
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notoriously awful at remaining up to speed on current events and trends
worse still at keeping in touch with my friends and my loved ones
had to ask my partner if it was me who cleaned the dishes or him
dissociation is so exhausting, dude… it just gets worse as you get older and take on more responsibility
i kind of hate thinking about the people i care about… they must think that i don’t give a fuck about them, but i do… im just in a constant state of confusion
i don’t know what to say to people directly, other than saying sorry and slinking away
always in apology to others and confusion to myself
that’s not a good friend to have, is it?
the reality is i’m living moment to moment, confused, a little scared, a bit excited
you’ll see me online but not quite present… if there’s one constant here, it’s that im sorry…
im sorry
im sorry all the time
i wish I could be better to my friends
#dissociative disorder#unspecified dissociative disorder#im sorry if this came out the blue a little bit#I’ve just felt like….. really truly horrendous about how little I keep in contact with people#how little I know what to say#I think it’s why DE was so impactful for me… Harrier as a character#he just makes so much sense in my head with how mine works#with the chiming voices and the strive to be better#I want to point at it to everyone and say this is how it works up here in my skull#but I’m less verbal than that to be fair#idk…. this has made me really sad the past few months#im gonna be okay#I just don’t want my friends to suffer me much to be honest#im like… a ghost? and they deserve more than a ghost#idk…….. sorry new followers but like… not really…
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I’d just like to say thank you for drawing Gavin and Chris being friends. Definitely an underrated pair and I’m so happy that art of them exists. Makes my day to see them honestly.
Also, please make more because this fandom definitely needs it 💕
OH HELL YEAH that's some of my favorite stuff to draw for DBH tbh! There is something so charming about unhinged coworker dynamics... I say this as someone who has been the unhinged coworker and someone who has heard unhinged coworkers.
Thank you so much though! I'm glad you've enjoyed what I have so far! I will say that while I didn't have the energy to draw it yesterday for Halloween, the idea that I had was them just alternating who got to wear the Ghostface mask. (I have never seen any of the Scream movies but I do know that there's not a Singular Ghostface, but multiple people)
Like someone would walk past Gavin's desk and he's just on his phone not looking up while Chris is making a work call - wearing the mask. Then five minutes later Chris tosses it over saying he needs some air and Gavin wears it. But the fact it was Halloween nobody really clocks the swap at first just "wow I am REALLY tired I thought it was the other one wearing it. I must really need coffee" and then half an hour passes and they've swapped who's wearing it again.
#moe talks a lot#not art#detroit become human#sorry im drawing an oc today but i definitely absolutely have more ideas for them in the future!#i feel like they deserve the attention too bc side characters...#bro isnt even the primary antagonist to connor like imagine being disliked by fans and youre a secondary antagonist#also i think about them a lot bc of their scenes together and how casual they are around each other like when in the interrogation#gavin pushes chris forward like you handle that guy dude you got this#and how even after gavin is rude to hank it falls to chris saying alright have a nice night .... truly the balance the world needs#also chris is just flat out one of my favorite characters so 100% looking forward to learning how to draw him better#there are so many fun dynamics to explore in dbh but i may have a chris miller bias#i feel like i might have lots of incorrect opinions due to biases and the fact they were born in 2002 and 2008 but like.... i have to shove#SOME of the current trends onto them as a past thing like the capri sun comic with chris#i have lots of thoughts about the game and the characters but since i figure most people dont really want those essays#i stick to my fun lil doodle comics bc i enjoy drawing them and it keeps my blog art oriented#while slowly pushing my headcanons and agendas
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LAURENCE HARVEY a.k.a. LARUSHKA MISCHA / ZVI MOSHEH SKIKNE (born october 1st, 1928 - died november 25th, 1973)
“I always believed in Laurence Harvey, even when nobody else did. Especially when nobody else did.”
“Most people imagined they knew and understood Larry with little trouble. That was a big mistake. They didn't know how deep and complex, how elusive, he remained behind his social mask.” - Paulene Stone, his wife
“I cannot yield to failure, it would make far too many people happy.”
#i care him (obscure actor nobody is talking about)#idk man i felt inspired to make this and ive been working on it for the past several hours at my job. i wish it was my job#so-called free thinkers when they remember a guy. anyway!#the first gif is from the wonderful world of the brothers grimm and we're lucky i was able to even get it bc its GONE from tubi 💔#fortunately i got it from some clip on youtube abt the restoration but i had to include something from that movie#with a vague theme in these gifs of lesser known. appearances. i guess#the second is from when a bunch of actors went to this birthday celebration for noel coward#the next is from password (his silly little mannerisms and the lady's eyebrow raise at the end is killing me)#and then celebrity bowling followed by columbo and then lastly welcome to arrow beach#for those of you if any that cared where these all came from#i just think he's neat (guy that i would like to make a documentary on)#and well he deserved a good gifset. maybe ill even make more . it could happen#you should all still watch the wonderful world of the brothers grimm. just maybe not some of his other movies ive suffered through#the columbo gif could look better but for some reason the gif maker made all the colors suck :( and thats the best it was gonna look#it was a battle against source quality and tumblrs gif size limit#i also considered making other gifs but you know what im happy w six (i don't have the patience to do more)#that post thats going around of like you have to follow people that are obsessed w old hollywood actors. im doing my part#youd love him. he was a bisexual sarcastic bitch . and i also think hes 😵💫 but that was probably obvious#laurence harvey#not bothering 2 tag the movies#happy larry day. which inspired all this
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i just love that a show as big as doctor who came out with its whole chest and said FUCK YOU TERFS YOU ACTIVELY MAKE LIFE DANGEROUS FOR TRANS PEOPLE AND YOU HAVE NO PLACE HERE
like tysm, russell t davies <3
(also finally justice for donna)
#i know rtd had some issues in the past but the new dr who ep was so good it was some growth#i wasn't sure about david tennant's return b/c as much as i love him it feels like a step backwards but this was good#i do think jodie whittaker deserved better tho#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#doctor who special#episode 1 was so cute and i also loved the meep#which i think was a puppet? i hope because it was good and looked puppety in the best way (also love a chaotic evil villain)#trans#i think my only note as a non binary person is it bugs me slightly when people try to explain non binary in fantasy/sci fi#like the “whole you're non binary because of x” trope but ill let it slide this once#it's just so big for something that big to come out and tell off the dangerous fascist bigots for once#doctor who special spoilers#sex education did it a bit too in s4 but that show's not as big as doctor who but i still appreciated it
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why is job hunting.
that's it that's the post
#this is both radicalizing me even more & absolutely harshing my mellow#why. do i need. to communicate with a 'virtual assistant'. to apply at hot fucking topic#you know? maybe i Dont need to apply there. who wants em#everywhere is like you need This This and This#oh look an entry level job! aaaand i need a thousand certifications#Excuse Me Where Do People Who Have Done Nothing With Their Life Thus Far Apply???#why do jobs exist. why cant we all just vibe huh#each application feels like a new death sentence#cant wait to work myself into the ground for a company that views me as nothing but an easily replaceable part! yeehaw!#cant wait to sacrifice my personal time / hobbies / wellbeing for a nine-to-five 5 days a week job i hate!#absolutely unprompted#this world we live in is miserable and infuriating and i want to SHAKE PEOPLE#fucking!! look outside!!! value yourself!! the company is not your family!! they are not worth dying for!! we are all worth so much more!!#gonna go out in the middle of a field and SCREAM#humans are made for art and kindness and for enjoying the short life we're forced into#why make an already doomed existence even worse huh.#why subject ourselves to that. we deserve better. our pasts deserve better. our futures deserve better.#sorry sorry im just. ARGH. this world!!! this life!!! could be so good!!!#but late stage capitalism rampant corruption among Many Other Issues said noooooooo#happiness is illeeegallllll#what if i BITE you. huh. what then. die#every time i sit down to apply i have to actively Not Think About It or i'll delete all my tabs and stop before i start#we as humans are not built for this life... we did not evolve proclivity for kindness and art just to stress ourselves to death#over silly jobs that do Not require the level of dedication we are forced to apply#abolish the 5 day 40+ hour work week... decrease the horrifying amount of funding given to cops and the military... etc...#i think i need to go lie down for a minute im feeling Too Much Anger at the absolute state of things#so happy to be an american. (sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm)
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you’re not gonna become a better person by finding new friends who tell you it’s not your fault btw
#unimportant thoughts#if there’s a pattern following you there might be a reason#queue#@ myself too ftr#that was a big thing for me coming out of high school and all the mistakes i made and mistreatment i put people through#i could make new friends and spin the stories in ways that made me seem like a victim#but having people tell me its not my failt doesnt change the fact that it is my fsult#it dowsnt help me fix or improve my behaviors#it keeps on the same cyclical path#and everyone deserves better than that#i deserve better than that; the people i hurt before deserve better thsn that; the people im friends with now deserve better than that#so yeah friendly ish reminder that#making new friends and ignoring your past behaviors does nothing.#notice care and improve !
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really bums me out when people say that a character cant be redeemed. like sure, but that's so easy to explain. give me your unhinged theories about how the most disgusting vile little meow meow has a tiny ounce of humanity or hope that can be rekindled through the use of sheer luck, determination, and/or divine levels of intervention
#most of the 'this char cant be redeemed' theories are just 'this person has done too many bad actions in the past so its unfair now'#or 'they deserved their suffering before they turned evil' like what that doesnt even make sense#people always mistake redemption as some grand heroic thing instead of a character just. not being as bad as they used to be#either with outside help or restrictions/limits or just someone to literally monitor them 24/7#like a better term would be a character rehabilitation arc#i love good irredeemable/corrupt arcs too but i wish that ppl with theories did more than 'they dont deserve redemption its too late'#like what? too late for who? the people in the future that the character didnt hurt because they're limiting themselves now?#maybe my ilmater side is showing though so fvdshjfg
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as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and [checks notes] the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd
#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd#also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th#breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to#so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart#and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves#i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this#i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things#so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday#i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers#but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care?#people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better#if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war#anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter]#personal#add to journal#words n rhythm#WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS#cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao#i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes.#anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i#and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would#objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else.#this is a gift i give myself now.#this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do#trauma evolution#mosswrites
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man i love the people im surrounded with. how did this happen. youre all so lovely😭
#istg tumblr is the BEST place to find people#all my current online friends who im close asf with are people i found on here#my girl my besties hell even some of my mutuals i dont talk to bruh#almost all of em were found on here#who knew life would turn like this bro. who knew#its grateful hours rn stfu idc#like yall. i cannot put into words how much you mean to me#im finally getting out of a mental rut thats lasted me a few months (school related) (school just ended)#and the fact YALL STAYED BY ME???#its small nd yall r gonna be like dub miguel. friends do that#but i aint never had that#like the past three years around this same time i have lost people important to me and lost core support systems over and over and over#and it feels nice that im better enough/healed enough#and surrounded by people who truly care for me#that thats not the case anymore. its so liberating and god does it make me want to cry tears of gratefulness that this is my life now#i am loved in so many ways that i cannot even recount right now.#sorry maternity classes gang (group chat) im gonna lovedump later on you tonight probably#man. mann.#this is my life#like#/pos#thats so lovely man.#wanna namedrop yall so bad bc people deserve to know you all and deserve to know how beautiful and loving you are#but ik i shouldnt for privacy😭#ily all tho#even if we aint talk much ur presence is always appreciated by me#sorry sorry ill shut up now😭#indigo speaks#yapping
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