#my parents say they're trying but i know better. they aren't.

[astrologylunadream]

You and Your FS as Parents 🍼🩷✨️ (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)

Hey it's Lunadream🤭💫 This will be a cute reading on how you and your future spouse would be like as parents!🏠🩷 hope you find your message💌

Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)

Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ Think of the you and your future spouse, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~🧸✨️

Pile 1🩷

Pile 2☀️

Pile 3🔮

Pile 4🍑

Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡

On to the readings —> 💕

Pile 1🩷

Sign energy: Facial expression, Family, Irreplaceable, Crave, Bedroom, 8th house, Fire, Saturn, South node, Lilith,♉️🪚💉🧛‍♀️

👤Your future spouse's energy: They're hot😭 Okay lol your future spouse won the genetic lottery or something, they are irresistibly attractive and a very sensual partner for my pile 1's💋💞 Magnetic physical presence, Their facial expressions are intimidating yet passionate all at the same time!🥰 There is 8th house influence in their chart, Fire energy, Saturn or 10th house aspects, also asteroid Lilith!! Taurus is also a sign for them. I think your future spouse is deeply attracted to you and understands you better than anyone else, they would take a bullet for you.😢🖤 Family oriented and they have a hot voice. Your future spouse will be very intense, but they provide more than anyone could. This is not a spicy reading but there is so many messages coming through in this reading and it's already getting hot in here.🥲 You may have been set on having a family with this person pretty early on or there is like this energetic pull towards them? They make you feel like a vampire I'm hearing, like you just have a unquenchable thirst for them�� Yeah this is a very strong attraction between you and this person, You might feel like you can't find anyone like them. Since this is about your future spouse, I'll just say they are something else in the bedroom.🔞 Insanely seductive, I don't think you could resist them easily lol. Something about this spouse feels dangerous, maybe even forbidden.💋❤️‍🔥 Someone's family may be little scared at first. I mean, your future spouse has a bad boy/girl vibe to them, I don't know why that message came out so strongly for their energy. This could be someone from your past, or their face feels so familiar to you.🤭 I think my pile 1's get sucked into their energy, I mean I don't blame you they are a very hot spouse pile 1.😌

🍼You and Them as Parents: Fan, Enchanting, Melody, Front, Yandere, Sun, 9th house, Pluto, 6th house, Libra, 🤎👢🪽😬

Wow I think it's interesting how Melody came out and this pile is represented by my melody from sanrio~ How cute🩷 So you and your future spouse are very adorable as parents, you guys would try to be responsible and teach your kids to have a broader understanding of the world.🌏🧭 I think it would feel like a fairytale. Your spouse would be very loving with you and your kids, doing their best to be stable and reliable for the entire home. Your home would look clean and cutesy. They are very possessive, so I think they would not let anyone hurt you or your kids🫂💕 I can see they will be sometimes a little jealous or possessive over you if anyone is trying to flirt with you, you might have some people you don't know well or exes romantically interested in you, trying to talk to you. And your future spouse will get suspicious of them for a good reason too they don't let any creeps around my pile 1! I can hear them say "Ahem this is my wife/husband and we have beautiful children, aren't they adorable?"💗 Haha your spouse is very cute and funny. They are set on making sure their loved ones aren't taken advantage of. I am getting, you and your future spouse may try to appear as more well organized parents than you actually are, worried what others will think of you.🥺 Actually, you may have people on the outside who are very jealous of your family life. Like again exes or anyone who is romantically obsessed with you or your spouse will not like how things are going.🔭👀 But I can see, your spouse will protect you and show them a lesson🤗💞 You guys may look angelic like the "perfect parents" and you appear very much in love. You guys may move to a different country/place to raise your kids.✈️🏡 One or both of you may feel anxious as parents, but I think your spouse will be the one to reassure you and keep you calm about it.💗 Your future spouse is honestly so in love with you that they would make sure you are always happy, and your kids. And Your kids may look up to your spouse as an inspiring figure, also they would see both of you as a good example and kind loving parents to them. You would be such good parents pile 1!🤭💫

Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the pink heart emoji~🩷 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🏠💞

Pile 2☀️

Sign energy: Target, Family, 8th house, Handsome, Society, 10th house, 7th house, Earth, Scorpio, Water,😴🪤🤨😭

👤Your future spouse's energy: There are some similarities to pile 1's spouse in this pile! They are of course very attractive, it seems like the cards are really focusing on that.😂 Wow even Handsome came out so they are definitely very goodlooking~ (no matter gender) They have a classy wealthy vibe, like they could come from a rich or famous family.💳💲🏤 I just realized that family has come out in every pile how fitting, their parents might not like you at first or others view you with envy or dislike for whatever reason??🙄🥺 Oh you know what, your future spouse is a somebody, that's why. Definitely giving high status, your future spouse may feel a little "trapped" from their public image or reputation they have. Signs for them are Scorpio, Libra, Capricorn, Earth and water energy, 8th and 7th house placements or Water in 10th house. This spouse of yours is desired by many, and I even think those people may want to get them in bed😡 But your spouse just wants a loving and deep relationship with someone they can trust😭💔 People do not respect their boundaries, they think they own them just because they're pretty/handsome?? I don't think you need to worry about saving them though, they are a very powerful individual, capable of a lot.✊️🏆 They might not have the best relationship with their parents, or at least not an emotionally fulfilling one. They could have had strict or pretentious parents, honestly I don't think your future spouse really had anyone who really cared for them🥺🌧 They're viewed as attractive and definitely have pressure put on them to mantain status or wealth, even certain beliefs. They are very successful, also feared and respected by others.💼🏆 I think they are emotional inside, but they haven't ever openly expressed that. Wow pile 2 your future spouse is most likely rich.

🍼You and Them as Parents: Patience, Ex lover, 4th house, Dirty, Attempt, Gemini, 9th house, Chiron, Leo, South node, 🍵😔🖕🥂

Ohhh okay so you and your spouse would also have a reputation to keep, I think it's because of their status. I can see them trying very hard to keep you and your kids safe or even out of the public eye (it depends on how known this spouse is🫢). You both would be very patient and understanding as parents, you may even have twins!👥️💞 I can see overseas travel or moving to a different country to raise your kids, this could be because of stalkers or rumors getting spread.🗣💬 If it's serious some people might literally try to f*ck up your spouse's reputation, and this might trigger your spouse as they would feel betrayed or slandered. But I can't see that happening too much because your spouse would have it under control. I can see you two will try to do things the old fashioned way, very traditional as parents.🕰💕 You both would help your kids with their homework together, You might even decide to bring your kids to a foreign school.🛫🏫 I am getting europe for some, There may be dirt on you two as parents, lies or rumors but your spouse will literally just leave take you with them if that occurs.💬✋️ Now for others in this pile, I don't see much bad reputation but instead you might be very well known or even famous as parents. People from your past will try desperately to get in with you and your future spouse, like wanting to go out for a drink or go to expensive parties but you guys will kinda be like really🤨? Lol, you're just so cute together, really classy and luxurious vibes you guys may very well be rich and dress so nicely, you are the classy parents. You two will always put your family and children first, you will nurture and protect them so well💗🏠 You guys may live in a penthouse or mansion either big city or suburbs, Married life with your spouse will be amazing, for only some I'm seeing old exes or fans trying to ruin you or your spouse reputation or trying to sleep with one of you?? Like what, there is definitely jealousy because you guys are giving ✨️power couple✨️ Take what resonates of course, but you guys are protected, and your spouse will love you and your kids very much. Also I'll just say your spouse would be glad to finally make time for the bedroom with you, they would bring wine and all😏

Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the sunshine emoji~☀️ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🏠🩷

Pile 3🔮

Sign energy: Tight, Situation, Wish, Adorable, Perspective, South node, Chiron, Lilith, 11th house, Jupiter,🆕️🎨🚺⏰️

👤Your future spouse's energy: I like the energy of this one, very cute.💗 Your future spouse has a bright innocence about them, You might have known them from online or been friends with them before they are your spouse.💍 Your future spouse has Aquarius or Sagittarius placements, Jupiter placements, and Lilith asteroid presence! For some this is a person from your past, for others it's someone new it depends here.⏳️ Your future spouse has been wishing to meet the one, and they feel like time has been going too slow.🕗😩 They're quite creative and maybe for some an artist? Only for some of you, I think they just have great ideas, and their point of view if different than most people.👀 They're more optimistic and hopeful, they could be the type to look over red flags or fall for the bad girl/boy.💜 They might want to heal you or make you feel better, always bringing positivity. Your future spouse is also really fun, they might decide the best thing to do is something completely random!🚀 They are spontaneous and like your best friend, also they find your moods amusing. They like to shift perspectives or share their own, very lighthearted person.🌟💖 There is a spark in their eyes, like a childlike wonder still. Which makes me curious how they will be with you as parents!🥰 Already it seems they're very high vibes and excited for life. I can hear them telling you good news all the time, haha like there is never bad new with them.🗞💫 For some this person might have certain emotional wounds regarding females that they don't pay attention to or realize. Also your future spouse gets out of every bad situation like?? Lol they're very lucky🤗🌈

🍼You and Them as Parents: Role, Short, Beloved, Sweet talk, Magic, Moon, Scorpio, Leo, Earth, Lilith,🥴👩‍🎤🫵🎶

Wow so this is interesting, It feels like you two would be very proud of eachother as parents.✨️ You would feel very good about it, also complimenting eachother on literally everything😭🩷 Like your spouse will be so proud of you and vice versa, you raise up eachothers ego lol it's so cute. As parents, you both would talk so softly and sweet to your kids and love them so much💞 The mother/feminine here will be a very good role model to the kids, they will be well loved and inspired by her. Also your singing? The kids will love it and your spouse will be blushing whenever they hear you sing to the kids🥰💓 You have a beautiful voice, whether it's speaking or humming. Something about you feels so enchanting, some of my pile 3's are giving mommy witch vibes😉 You may be into tarot, astrology, magic any of that stuff and it's so cute your future spouse loves that about you. It makes you so hot in their eyes🔥😭 Now a little more on that lol there is a lot of attraction from your spouse lol, they would be unable to hide it. One of you may be the shorter parent here, while the other is taller.💕 Your spouse would honestly be so turned on by your comforting nature, they might would even be a little jealous of your time. But they would think you are so good as a parent that they wouldn't mind that taking away your time together, later of course they would want to let you know how much they want you🫢🔞 I think you two would still have a life in the bedroom, it may be less but your spouse will definitely make it worthwhile and make sure you're getting what you deserve. Honestly they're really horny over you😳❤️‍🔥 Your spouse is very much that whenever they see you. You two would sweet talk eachother all the time, because you love eachother so much. Your spouse would just be so prideful about you, "like look at my beautiful wife/husband"💍💐 You make such sweet parents to your kids, and partners to eachother! Also something cute, I think you both will keep the magic going well for your kids, so they would believe in fairytales because of you both🥺🧸💞 I can see you both embracing your childhood again too when it comes to holidays and playing with your kids, very bright and caring, you are such good parents!🤭💗

Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the crystal ball emoji~🔮 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🏠🩷

Pile 4🍑

Sign energy: Playful, Prove, 3rd house, Entertainment, Surface, Libra, Fire, Uranus, Capricorn, 8th house,🕳🏙🎠🪨

👤Your future spouse's energy: Your spouse seems to be very successful in their career✨️👏 They could be in the entertainment industry or own a company. They talk a lot if ideas, big ones.💡💸 They are playful on the surface but there is a deep and intense side to them. They could be trying to make it big to prove to you. Your future spouse is very unique and an individual to say the least, they could live in a big city.🏙🧳🚖 I think they're trying to turn their ideas into something solid, money making. They're real ambitous, I'm hearing "won't give up" yeah they don't. Possible placements are Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, all air signs lol, Capricorn, Scorpio, Fire energy. They could very likely have their uranus or 3rd house in a fire sign, Capricorn over the 8th, Venus in fire sign any of those could be their placements.💫 Your future spouse is fun and energetic, they could be a wannabe rapper or they like to listen to rap/hip hop.🎧😎 They are committed to their future and willing to do a lot to make it work. Either they are already rich and successful or they are trying to make it there. Business vibes, I'm hearing "top of the charts" could be a business person or entertainer.💼💲📈 When you meet this person, you may have ended a relationship or your future spouse wants to prove to you that you can start over or love isn't what you thought it was.💐💓 They are materialistic, might buy you a penthouse or something lol that energy. I can see they want to be your provider, like you are their sugar baby. They might seem like a player when you first meet them, but they are the type that is deeply committed in their relationship with their girl/boy.🌹💍✔️ Your future spouse is funny and charismatic, extroverted vibes. I think they are good at networking and getting their name out there.⭐️

🍼You and Them as Parents: Fantasize, Behind, Stress, Judgement, Highlight, Sun, 9th house, Taurus, Fire, Venus,🦇🪽🤐🪪

I'll be honest here for some it kinda looks like there is a lot of stress from you guys as parents, one of you might be behind in college or food may be an issue here😳 Maybe one of you doesn't know how to cook well, that could be it. It really kind of seems like your spouse might be kind of trying to hold on to their fantasies of big achievements still, this could be a little bit of selfishness coming from their part.🤨 Your spouse may have a hard time adjusting their focus from themselves and their career/big dreams and goals and focus on their new family life and kids.🏠🔍 I'm just keeping it real on what the cards say, but of course that won't be the case for everyone in this pile🩷 Your spouse will want to go to higher places but I think you will sort of be the one to ground them and help them to be realistic. Actually I think you compliment eachother quite well as parents because they have a lot to offer for the family and I think you can provide good judgements for their decisions.😊🙏 The masculine here will fantasize about being a famous well known figure, but they might hide this or keep it a secret because they don't want to seem irresponsible. You might get angry with them sometimes, I don't see any real fights with your spouse it just simply light scolding like "I told you"☝️🙄 and they're all "Okay bae I'm sorry let me make it up to you"🥺 lol. Your spouse will be trying hard to prove themselves to you even as you're married to them, like they will always try to get your validation because they wanna be looked up to and admired by you and the kids🥹💓 You are the highlight of their life I'm hearing, so they just wanna make you happy. I think you two will always be playfully bickering and it turns into something sweet like you're argueing about the groceries and you end up staring into eachothers eyes like "I can't stay mad at you.😍 Another thing that came out is you guys will also make great grandparents, like the funny ones that nitpick with eachother but are still so in love after all those years.😭⏳️💍 When you're feeling overwhelmed with all the kids stuff your spouse will make sure to take care of you and give you massages and all that sweetness💋💗 They will also make time to take you out at fancy restaurants and keep the romance going between you two~

Thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the peach emoji~🍑 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🏠🩷

Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸

Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3

[uraniumbones]

For those of you keeping up with the book of Bill and it's accompanying website and the bill cypher backstory. THE PARALLELS GOT ME FUCKED UP.

Spoilers incoming.

people love to talk about the dynamic between Stanford and Bill. Sure, interesting. But you know what people aren't talking about? Stanley and Bill. Specifically referencing the website (thisisnotawebsotedotcom.com)

If you input Stanley a bunch it will eventually open a new document instead of eBay pages. The page mocks Stanley and reveals his secrets or whatever. One of the clickable options on this page is "HOW HE BEAT ME". Each time you click into this is an increasingly deranged meltdown about how it shouldn't have been possible. Calling him a "cheap trick loving, past-denying overgrown child protected from failure only by a force field of denial and shamelessness" among other things. And when further pressed accuses you of acting like "those PREACHY INFANTILIZING AUTOMOTONS AT THE THERAPRISM who are SO OBSESSED with getting me to TALK about my "FEELINGS"." After that he spirals further eventually talking about "how much pain I'm in" and only in code admitting "I can still see through the eyes of everyone I've ever..." presumably killed.

If you don't know shit about Euclydia read the wiki page on it, it's not long. tldr Euclydia is bills home dimension, which he destroyed and killed every single inhabitant of in blood and fire. He did so (accidentally?) in an attempt to show them the third dimension which (because of a genetic mutation) only he had the ability to see (with his eye). Please also note when Stanford asks about his home dimension Bill says it was"destroyed by a monster".

In the website's many documents it repeatedly makes reference to Bill's parents and how much they loved him, his home, his childhood (he wore velcro sneakers it's actually incredibly cute), the ways in which he was different and not easily accepted.

Now knowing all these things. A pattern may emerge to you. Are you seeing it? Are you seeing the patterns yet?

Obviously Bill hates Stanley because he's stupid and still he somehow beat Bill. That's annoying, maddening even. But I believe it goes beyond that. He hates him all the more passionately because Stanley reminds him of himself. The poem at the end of the Stanley password on the website summarizes it best "always dragged his family down / One mistake, disowned, denied, / only thing to do was hide." Destruction of his own family, running and hiding from his own mistakes. "Reinvent, retry, reload" trying again in a new life. "When your actions make it worse, / When they see you as a curse," Making things worse where you have tried to make them better. "Give the wheel one last spin, / Take your chips and go all in" this is what weirdmagedon was for both of them. and this is where their lives differ "And lucky stan- the rolls on black, / he got his life and family back. / His big break it finally came, / Redemption from a life of shame." AND THERE IT IS. Stanley got his family back. Bill didn't. (Which is what it seems he was attempting). Stanley got his redemption. Bill didn't.

Stanley was a lonely kid fuck up just like Bill was. And he absolutely hates Stanley's guts for it because he hates his own guts for it. And all this time they're the same, just trying to fix those mistakes, to have their family back again, to be loved again. They both have this facade of untouchable aloof levity, the same insults Bill hurls at Stanley may as well be hurled at himself. "Protected from his failure only by a force field of denial and shamelessness"? "Cheap trick loving, past denying overgrown child"? You can see Bill goes from being outraged and insulting Stanley, to denying a deeper meaning to those feelings (and calling you a therapist), to talking about how much pain he is in (seemingly over all the people he killed in Euclydia), all without any specific prompting. Just pushing. Bill is the one that connected those things. Bill hates Stanley (at least partially) as an act of self hatred. Because he has made the same mistakes and can never forgive himself for them. AND (at least partially) because Stanley is not only just like him, but now just like him if he had succeeded. Stanley got his "Redemption from a life of shame". and in so doing actively prevented Bills.

Now do you see what I'm saying about THE PARALLELS?!

[schrodingerscougar]

Hold it together (Simon Riley x reader)

Note: This takes place seven years after the second part. Warning: death.

It had only been three weeks since the funeral. The girls were still closed up like clams, shutting Simon out completely despite their young age. Lucy was seven, Nora was five, and he couldn't believe that they had to experience the death of their mother this soon. He was lost as well, having no idea how to deal with losing you.

While at the beginning he pushed you away, believing he didn't deserve the love you were trying to give him, later you became his other half, his partner in crime, the most caring and nicest lover he ever had. He would have never imagined he would once have someone like you in his life. And now? You were gone for good because of that goddamn accident.

Johnny loved the girls and whenever he was around, he had offered to look out for them while the two of you went out on a date. Now he was trying to lighten the mood, coming up with ideas for fun activities, but Simon saw it in his daughters that they weren't excited about them.

While he was waiting for his broken ribs to heal, the sergeant stayed with them to make life easier. One night Simon tucked in the girls and his heart ached when he saw the youngest getting ready to sleep with a photo of you on the edge of her bed.

“You miss mommy?” he asked as he swept a strand of hair out of her beautiful little face.

Nora was sniffling quietly as she nodded.

He loved both his daughters equally, but the balance was perfect. Lucy was a lot like him, a real tomboy who had been wanting to try martial arts ever since they watched the original The Karate Kid movie. She had been handling your death surprisingly well, maybe that's because her personality was a lot like his.

But this young lady was your carbon copy in and out. Seeing her missing you so much proved your strong connection, the one he would never be able to build with her. He had never seen anything like it, and this made it hard for him to console her if she was upset. She had always ran to you for support, but now she was sad because you were gone.

Simon pulled the girl against his chest, his eyes falling on his other daughter who was watching them from her own bed. He could see her eyes shining from the tears, but she held herself together. “It's okay, babygirl,” he whispered to Nora as he rubbed her back. “I miss her too, you know. And I'm sure Lucy misses her as well. But we're strong, aren't we?”

She mumbled something in agreement then pulled away to bury herself under the thick blanket. “Goodnight, Daddy.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead then stood up and went over to Lucy, leaning down to give her a goodnight kiss too. “Sleep well, big girl.”

When he turned to the door, Johnny was already waiting for him, leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded over his chest. There was a look of understanding in his blue eyes, and he put a hand on Simon's shoulder when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“They're kids, they'll adapt and move on. Maybe not soon, but eventually they will,” he tried to assure him. “I'm not so sure about you, though. I woke up to you coming down the stairs last night. I swear you're moving around this place like a real ghost.”

With a sigh, Simon walked around the Scotsman and threw himself on the couch. “Her parents want custody,” he told him, finally giving him an insight into what was truly bothering him. “They're willing to drag me to court. I'm not suitable to be a single parent because of my job, they say.”

Johnny sat on the armchair next to him and rested his elbows on his thighs as he leaned closer. “Bullshit. Price would help you get an early retirement if you asked,” he said, looking way more upset than Simon.

“Who knows, maybe staying with them would be better for the girls.”

“Don’t say this. You need to fight for them. They need their father,” Johnny added.

This broke Simon. He couldn't hold back the tears anymore, the tears he had been fighting ever since that night. His friend being by his side helped him keep it together, but they never talked about what exactly he went through because he always said he couldn't remember.

But he remembered lying in the ambulance, asking about you, begging for crumbs to find out what happened to you, if you were also on your way to the hospital, but they didn't tell him anything. “I’m sorry, we don't know,” one of them said.

“Talk to me, Simon,” Johnny quietly said once he sat down next to him on the other side of the couch. “You need to get this out of your system or you'll go crazy.”

Still fighting his tears, the lieutenant took a deep breath and finally began to talk. “She was unconscious. I–I remember looking over at her in the wreck but she wasn't moving, wasn't responding to my questions. They later said I had a concussion so probably that's why some time fell out of my memory. I don't remember how I ended up in the ambulance.

They didn't tell me anything. In the hospital I got out of the bed and went to look for someone who could finally tell me what the fuck happened, but I bumped into a doctor who was talking to a police officer. That's when I found out she was dead by the time help arrived,” he finished with a shaking voice.

Johnny leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. “Did you have the chance to say goodbye?”

“I might have threatened someone to be allowed to go to the morgue. Her body was bruised, scarred, and bloody. Not how I want to remember her. But yes, I could say goodbye.”

“You need to fight, Simon. For her. She wouldn't want her parents to take the girls away from you,” the sergeant told him firmly as he reassuringly put a hand on his shoulder.

Just when he was about to answer, tell him he felt like it was a battle he was sure to lose, they heard light footsteps coming from the door. It was Lucy who walked over to them, sitting next to his father and resting her head on his arm.

“Do Grandma and Grandpa really want to take us away?” she asked hesitantly as she glanced up at her father. Simon nodded. “I don't want to go. I want to stay with you, Dad,” Lucy said, already sobbing.

Simon let out a sigh before wrapping an arm around her small body and placing a soft kiss on the crown of her head. “I don't want you to leave either, trust me. I'll do everything I can to stop them, okay?”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

[lionheartedmusings]

once again rotating the qsmp and it's depiction of parenthood in my head and yeno i just... it makes me so deeply emotional it's not even funny? i remember conversations about "mothers and fathers" being the true qsmp theme song and i will die on that hill forever.

the thing that i find so poignant about it is that this was (as far as we know) never meant to be the story they were going to tell — the eggs were meant to come and go, a chapter in a story that would be looked back on fondly but one that was firmly over. and yet, the love. oh, the love.

it's so rare in media that we get such a raw and slow perspective of parenthood from the parents' perspective, to see the bonds forming and solidifying from "a responsibility that scares me" to "i would tear the world apart for you" — going back to vods of the first day of the eggs is wild, because they're filled with novelty and interest, but then time passes and we see love blossom.

we see love through grief too, like fit's voice when ramon lost his first life, or bad's screams when dapper had his nightmare, or the grief that came with trump, juana, and tilin's deaths. the desperation and grief of parents is an uncomfortable thing to witness, but in a medium like the qsmp it allows people to explore stories that are sometimes too heavy or too dark to portray in a less "goofy" medium.

we watched people's focus shift to their children as they embraced parenthood, especially in the face of loss, and we saw them accept truths that aren't pretty: if the eggs are there to manipulate them, okay. if they're a way for the federation to control them? fine. it doesn't matter, they're their children. they won't let go of them, not even if they're ultimately a means to keep them subdued.

the only time we've seen these characters truly lose their shit and rebel properly was when the eggs went missing, and that says so much. they'll almost accept losing their autonomy, but they won't lose their children.

it's been almost a year of the eggs, and they're the center of everything. every event, every game, every day — eggs are always the focus, whether it be in a "we need to protect them" way or a "i wonder what they want to do today" way. it's all about those kids.

meanwhile, we get to see these people be scared shitless, not have answers, be lost and confused half the time and not knowing how to handle every situation — they try their best, but time and time again they fumble and say the wrong thing, and have to apologise and try to do better next time.

it's so fucking beautiful, man. we see a day-to-day experience of parenthood and family (government assigned, found, chosen) that shows and movies can't give us because they're not a daily, breathing, on-the-go medium where we get to follow this one (or multiple bc none of us have lives) character through just... life.

in having this opportunity, we're privy to one of the most honest, human, and poignant depictions of parenthood and maturing that i've ever seen. we get to live this journey with these characters, and i'd bet a lot of money that that's part of why we're all so deeply attached to the eggs too.

long story short, storytelling is so fucking awesome and sometimes the most beautiful stories happen by accident.

[walkingstackofbooks]

A 9-year-old Julian Bashir who has had nightmares about evil doctors in an alien hospital for as long as he can remember. He doesn't tell his parents though because "he's a big boy now" and nightmares are for little kids, so he knows he should deal with them alone. And even if he'd like a hug sometimes, his mum only gives him hugs for doing well, not for doing badly, so he figures there's no point bothering her

A 15-year-old Julian Bashir who realises that the nightmares he used to have were based on the apparently very real alien hospital his parents had taken him to as a kid, and spends hours trying to figure out what were real memories and what his mind had made up over the years as he slept. The nightmares come back with an intensity, but they're nothing compared with how he's feeling when he's awake, and pretty soon they become a normal background noise of his life.

A 19-year-old Julian Bashir who's finally been moved into a solitary room after his third roommate in as many weeks complained about the almost-nightly screams. His advisor asks if he wants to speak to anyone: he claims they're just night terrors and he doesn't actually remember them. Besides, even if he could talk about what was in them, he probably wouldn't, because he's fine - he's used to them by now.

A 24-year-old Julian Bashir who gets woken from his nightmares by warm hands and gentle kisses, and learns what is like to be soothed back to sleep by the soft voice of Palis Delon

A 32-year-old Julian Bashir who has a different nightmare every night. The last year's been difficult. But then, it's been difficult for everyone, and he knows he's far from the only one to be suffering from nightmares at the moment.

A 34-year-old Julian Bashir who can't stop dreaming about the torture he went through four weeks ago, who's missing Ezri and who Miles is increasingly concerned about. When the O'Briens offer him their spare room for a while, he warns them multiple times about his nightmares, and is pathetically grateful when that doesn't change their minds. "We have nightmares too, Julian," says Keiko. "We can cope with yours."

A 34-year-old Julian Bashir who is confused when, three days later, Miles remarks, "You are having a bad run of those nightmares, aren't you?"

"They've been better than usual, actually," he replies awkwardly. "It's been really nice being able to go back to sleep afterwards, for once -- you and Keiko have been so generous in coming and checking on me."

"Course we're gonna come and check on you," says Miles gruffly. "You woke up terrified. We're not letting you do that alone."

"I'd be fine, Miles," Julian reassures. "I'm hardly going to expect one of you to come in every night."

Miles pauses. "...How long are you expecting to have them 'every night' for?" he asks, with some concern. "I mean, after a thing like this, how long does it usually take them to settle down?"

Julian stares at Miles. "I... have nightmares, Miles," he replies, frowning. "Just like you. Nightmares happen every night."

"No, they don't," says Miles, equally confused. "Don't get me wrong, they can do: after something big then sure, they're like that for a few weeks - a couple of months, even. But eventually they fall down to once, twice a week..."

Julian is looking at Miles incredulously. "That might be how it works for you," he says. "I guess my brain's different to yours. Mine don't stop, they just... mix. Change. Get confused with one another, eventually. I've had more dreams about being genetically modified by Sloan in the Dominion camp than I care to remember, you know?"

Miles' concern has turned into abject dismay. "You're saying you've had nightmares every single night since the Dominion took you?" he exclaims.

"Well, maybe not every single night!" retorts Julian, a little unsure what Miles is getting so het up about. "I do have some days when I don't... But yeah, pretty much. I've had nightmares most nights since I was fifteen, it's just how my brain processes stuff."

"Fifteen?"

...

A 34-year-old Julian who finds out that having nightmares every night for two decades is, apparently, "not normal" and something he should be seeking help for.

If Ezri comes back alive, he supposes he might take it up with her.

[farshootergotme]

Now that I have the confidence to send you asks, fully expect me to bug you periodically from here on out

Anyways- do you think Dick qualifies as a scapegoat? Cause I 100% think he's a scapegoat. People always try to shove the 'golden child' role onto Dick, and it always confused me cause like. He doesn't fit it at all if you actually look into what a golden child is.

Dick is definitely one of the scapegoats of the batfamily (Jason being the other) and it makes me sad that people always label him a golden child when he's the exact opposite. Seriously- he's hit, beaten, unfairly blamed, lashed out at, not told about important things (Jason or being replaced, Jason dying, Jason's funeral, probably other things, i wouldn't be surprised), etc. Definition of a scapegoat to me.

It's also why I hesitate to label him the 'favorite' even when the comics try to say otherwise. Mostly because... favorite children aren't really treated this way. Favorite weapon, maybe, as I've said in a post I've made before, but that's it. Bruce wouldn't kill for him or any of his kids. He's come close, yeah, but he's also come close to killing the Joker too after Jason's death and had to be threatened into not doing it. Every time, it's in a strong surge of emotion, and the second Bruce thinks rationally- well, he doesn't do it. Dick isn't at all unique, Bruce wouldn't kill for him either.

I think Bruce is the most proud of Dick, and has a unique relationship with him due to knowing him the longest and the parentification, but I don't think that makes him the favorite. Maybe to the other batkids, but probably not in reality.

I don't think Bruce really HAS a favorite- Dick is probably the closest to it, but still.

Though, if you wanna play around with angst and fanon ideas, maybe both Dick and Jason are the favorites and that's why Bruce treats them the worst? Dunno, it'd make a fun fic, even if it's not really grounded in canon (though I ignore RHATO and Comic UTRH).

Idk. Just,, gestures. Dick is a scapegoat to me.

Hope my 2 am rambling made sense lol

Okay, I see you, but I'll argue:

Dick Grayson is both the scapegoat and the golden child.

Now, you might not believe this since he doesn't tend to be both at the same time, and it isn't common for these roles to exist within the same individual. But Dick Grayson is praised and favored as much as he's blamed and pushed.

A golden child is the one who carries most of the expectations in the family. The parent expects them to be perfect, make no mistakes, take on roles they're pushed into with no issue (thus parentification can happen), and continue on and on to be good enough and meet the criteria so they don't make the parent disappointed.

The love is conditional hence they develop this unhealthy perfectionism and self-esteem and self-worth issues that will follow them till adulthood even when they're out of that environment and living their own lives.

The reason why a parent might choose a specific child (or children) to be the favored one is because they tend to see this child as an extension of themselves. And consequential to this, they will project their insecurities onto said child and force them to improve—be the best—where they fall short. All of their capabilities are overvalued, making the parent see them as special and much better than the rest, causing the unrealistic expectations a child must hold and fulfill so as not to “fail” their parent(s).

Although this child might seem like the favorite and who could do no wrong on the outside, the love they receive isn't something they can take for granted.

When a golden child underperforms or isn't as good as they're expected, the parent’s demeanor might change. They will feel the disappointment and fear this might cause the treatment they get to change. Sometimes the child might even fear abandonment or rejection from their parent as a result of their failures.

The mix of all this turns into a person who's over-competent, hard-working and someone that tends to take charge of things so they aren't at risk of failing, making them ‘natural’ leaders in any group they might be part of.

Sounding familiar yet?

Now, let's move on to the scapegoat:

A scapegoat child is the one that is blamed by all the things that go wrong in the family. They are constantly criticized and shamed by things they might've not even been part of, but somehow they're now involved and taking all the blame for the others so there are no consequences for anyone but them.

(All the blame also messes with their perception of certain events, making them prone to self-blame for the problems that occur in the family or their behaviors towards them.)

The scapegoating in the family may be due to subconscious projection from the parent when they're dealing with difficult emotions such as shame, guilt, rage, etc. They feel threatened by their own feelings and therefore they will try to escape from them by externalizing those feelings and making them their scapegoat’s problem.

Because of this treatment, the scapegoat might become an outsider in the family, feeling excluded and isolated from the rest. And for this, when push comes to shove and they're going through a rough patch, they will not have any reliable support they can go to inside the family as they'll be ignored or otherwise unfairly treated, having their feelings be invalidated.

Like the golden child, there's some aspects the scapegoat shares with the former:

Being treated differently by the parent/family.

Having unrealistic expectations placed upon them.

Being pushed into roles or responsibilities the child isn't meant to take.

Fear of expressing how they feel.

Self-worth issues and low self-esteem.

Although they're usually roles that are considered opposites, they aren't as incompatible as one might think. A child can alternate between being a scapegoat or the golden child, and this usually happens when the parent is very emotionally unstable, commonly due to a disorder such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD).

(I have so many thoughts about the latter applying to Bruce, but I will refrain from elaborating to not make this longer than it needs to be)

Having all I've said until now in consideration, I'm sure you've noticed how Dick meets both criterias—dare I say the golden child more often than the scapegoat.

Bruce is always speaking about how Dick is “better than him” and “the thing he's ever done right”, but in both of these statements you can see he's taking who Dick is and making it as something that's part of him, comparing Dick's accomplishments to his and putting him in this pedestal, and because of this projection happens and Bruce starts seeing Dick as an extension of himself.

This is why, when he or Dick fail, Dick will suddenly become the scapegoat, contrasting with the former golden child position he was in.

Here you can see the high expectations, praise for his accomplishments, his siblings feeling like Dick is better than them (i.e. treated differently than the rest), and you can also see how when he doesn't meet the expectations, he's met with disappointment (see: Alfred disappointed he's not as bright as he usually is) or judgment (see: Bruce angry at him because he isn't committing to his cause as much as he expects him to).

And these are examples of Bruce being too harsh on Dick and expecting him to do better, blaming him for his brother's death, and in result Dick having a habit of blaming himself and accepting mistreatment, thinking it must be his fault.

More often than not, Dick is put on a pedestal by his family and even his friends sometimes. They praise and love him, but when there's occasions in which he's acting less than perfect, the treatment towards him can change.

Dick Grayson can be the golden child as much as he can be the scapegoat.

[paraphwrites]

dead boy detectives is a show about forgiveness and goodness and change. but also, not.

marren isn't a bad person. she's a scared teenager and she accidentally kills her shitty boyfriend and she feels bad about it and she decides to turn herself into the police even though, honestly, she kind of did not have to in my opinion (sorry i know being pro murder is a wild take but this is fiction hush). she chooses to be good and she chooses to take accountability for her actions. but she doesn't forgive brad or hunter because what they did is not worthy of forgiveness

crystal is a dick! crystal's an absolute dick before she's possessed. but once she's taken out of a toxic environment she chooses to become better because she knows she can and she knows she should. crystal isn't a bad person before because she wants to be she is a bad person because she doesn't know how else to be. she doesn't forgive her parents but she does want to fix their relationship

charles is not a bad person, ever, but he thinks he is. he thinks he's a bad person because he was taught that he was and because all the other boy's around him were, so why would he be the exception? charles is not a bad person but he has to learn that. he does not forgive his dad, nor should he, but he also does not forgive himself or process the situation whatsoever. because his arc is incomplete

esther is a bad person because she is made into a bad person. i think we overlook how irresponsible it is of lilith to make an angry, vengeful person immortal - yes, esther was wronged, and lilith didn't think through the potential harm esther could do. after all, i think it is far easier to loose your humanity when you are immortal. esther wasn't a bad person initially but she chose revenge instead of forgiveness and then she still chose to harm other people instead of moving on

simon is not a bad person, he is sixteen. but, he still does horrible, horrible things, and he feels horrible about it. he's complicated. he's in hell. he's sixteen. he's a murderer. he's sixteen. and it all kind of coalesces in this violent swath of guilt and grief which consumes everything, including the people around him, including edwin. edwin forgives simon but simon cannot forgive himself so simon is lost forever. edwin moves on and simon does not and that is that

monty is selfish, not evil. i think he got caught up in the fantasy of liking edwin and chose to ignore the real facts that he was trying to facilitate his death. he played pretend that he and edwin could sit on swings and kiss forever, as if that would stop esther's plan. and when edwin did not reciprocate his feelings, monty decided he should die for that. but, he still did feel a lot of remorse about it and tried to change his mind. the damage was still done, though

dbda is not a show which preaches forgiveness but it is a show which demands you try your best to be kind.

monty was nice but he was not kind. esther was mean but she was honest. crystal was mean because she was angry, and once you took away that anger, she was kind. they're all immortal or sixteen and more often than not both. they're all fucking traumatized. they aren't all trying to be good. some of them are better people than they deserve to be. some are worse people than the rest deserve.

we aren't all trying to be good but dead boy detectives says we should. it also says it's not too late to start trying today. yes crystal was a bad person before. and now she is trying not to be. yes monty was selfish and dangerous before. and now he is trying not to be. yes simon was a bad person before, and now he is so trapped in his own guilt that he is unable to make amends and instead just rots.

we can all be better. and, we can all be worse. change is not inevitable but it is possible and that is important

[audliminal]

It's Just a Game, Right? Pt 6

Masterpost

"I'm telling you, Fenton!" Wes announces. "I'm onto you." A few of the kids walking past snicker at them, as Danny does his best to look confused. The startled part is easy; Wes is turning out to be a surprisingly good actor. He's been gradually leaning even harder to the image of a conspiracy nut, and the result is impressive. Danny, on the other hand, is simply trying to keep up with the insanity.

"I have literally no clue what you're talking about, dude." Danny says, attempting to push past Wes, so he can enter their classroom. Wes doesn't seem inclined to let this confrontation end, though.

"You may have everybody else fooled, but I know the truth. You made a pact with the so-called ghosts and their efforts to take over our world. You're just manipulating your parents' tech in order to convince everyone that they actually are ghosts, and not the invading fae army they really are!"

"Dude, what?" Danny responds, not quite able to hold back the laugh.

"Honestly, Wes, don't you have any common sense?" Star asks, as she walks up. "Rumor has it that Fenton's failing like half his classes, and you think a bunch of fae lords, or whatever would trust him to help their scheme? Surely they'd choose someone more competent." She flips her hair, and then walks past the both of them, as a couple of the kids nearest to them start snickering.

Outwardly, Danny winces and hunches in on himself a little more, as he takes the opening Star just created and ducks into the classroom after her.

In hallway outside, Danny catches Wes muttering to himself before following them in. No one says anything for a minute, but the moment the bell rings and Mr Lancer shuts the door, Star turns to Wes.

"I think you should be a writer or something after we get out of here." Star tells him. "That theory was honestly inspired."

"It gets even better. I have so much evidence to force on you guys, it'll be great." Wes answers, then turns to Danny. "You good? I know we don't mean any of it, but it's still gotta suck to have us acting like assholes all the time."

"I mean," Danny hums. "I'm not gonna say it's fun? But like honestly compared to everything else, dissing my work kinda seems..."

"Banal?" Sam offers.

"Yeah, sure, that." Danny nods. "Like, compared to people wanting me dead, who cares, I guess."

"Yikes," Kwan mutters. "Your life is a fucking mess, dude."

"Well, i do have some good news about that." Tucker announces, turning his computer to face everyone else. "Looks like the fanbase is making some progress towards finding the real stuff.

Danny stares at the reddit thread Tucker is on. He's honestly been only loosely paying attention to the actual stuff Tucker and Wes have been posting. He's happy to offer his knowledge of space stuff, or engineering, but the intricacies of secret code aren't really something he ever pursued. Well, except for the secret language he and Tucker had made as kids. Wes, on the other hand, peers at the screen and lets out a soft whoop.

"Hell yeah! They found the second layer!"

"Yeah. Which means they've found our first plea for help."

"Oh, wow," Sam says sardonically. "A plea for help that's so great. Why are they gonna think it's anything other than another part of the damn story."

"Chill out, Sam," Tucker responds. "The point is to encourage them to look harder. And once they find the next level, they'll start finding our info on the infinite realms."

"Whatever," Sam says, frowning. "I just... Don't like how much waiting this involves."

"Yeah it would be a lot easier if we could just, like, beat them up and call it good," Dash agrees. "But, like, jail would probably suck."

"At least they're making progress," Danny points out. "I don't really get how you guys are making these layers, but. It's more progress than anything else we've tried."

"Yeah, but like, what does this mean for us?"

"Why not interact directly with that post?"

"Maybe. We'd have to be extra careful about what and how we say it, so they don't write us off as a copycat or anything, but it could serve to reinforce, uh-" Wes leans in, to read the username. "BenBlues379's theory."

"Okay then, let's draft a reply." Danny zones out as they start to discuss the specifics. He hadn't actually had to go deal with any ghosts last night, but his parents had been working on some new invention, and the noise of their trials had made sure he didn't get much sleep despite the supposed reprieve. Luckily, nobody in this class is going to complain if he takes the opportunity to catch up on the missed shut-eye now, so with one last deep breath, Danny folds himself down onto his and relaxes into sleep, as the sounds of his classmates debating echoes around him.

[boothillssugarmomma]

Hello hello!

Can I request a Dr. Ratio x reader that's a team leader and they're assigned to work together, and while he's complaining (whining) about her team they're not having it and they bicker (divorced parents vibes fr) (they're both in denial of their feelings). Just Ratio not being used to someone else talking back to him (pls make them make out thank you for your time regardless, I love your writing!

THIS IDEA GAVE ME SO MUCH BUTTERFLIES MAKING 😭 I hope you like it as much as I did creating it!

🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀

Sparks of Synergy

(Ratio x Fem!Reader)

cw-: mean!ratio, insults of intelligence, heavily suggestive, smidge of nudity mentioned

🎀 authorsnote: this is my first request fic and I literally screamed and giggled when I saw it!

please don't steal my work!

Taglist🎀HSR Master List🎀Other Lists🎀

"This part of this project is so simple! How do you not understand!? We've already been through this part multiple times!" Ratio could already feel an argument or a migraine coming. All it took was one glance down at your paper for him to practically combust.

"Fix this." He orders. He's spent hours going back and forth with you, hovering over your shoulder like a vulture.

He could spot all sorts of microscopic mistakes that he just was practically begging to point out. He doesn't exactly know why he even bothers. It's obvious that you were hopeless the moment you were recruited for his team.

Though, he suppose it's better for your dimwitted self and the rest of your team to come to him instead of doing it yourselves.

Aeons, he wouldn't be able to take in the sight of you doing this project alone and failing or asking for help from another bumbling, no-nothing dumbass.

The doctor is the best chance you've got with actually completing correctly, whatever it is you need help with...and he wouldn't have it...Any. Other. Way.

"Just because you're the team leader of this little project doesn't mean you can be so bossy." You hum and keep working.

"Bossy? Me?" Ratio lets out a scoff. That's rich coming from you.

He raises an incredulous eyebrow as his stare narrows at your ridiculous comment. Does this fool have the guts to insult him?

He rolls his eyes at the fact that you had the audacity to claim that he's "bossy" when he's simply trying to keep things together. He's not bossy, he has a title to live up to, unlike the likes of you.

"Yes...bossy..." Your eyes glance over at his in a glare. "You want to make the team quit?" You scoff.

"Please." Ratio shoots a condescending glance your way, leaning back against a wall and crossing his arms.

"If they aren't capable enough to handle my expectations and methods, then it's best for them to leave. I'm doing them a favor here. You should be thanking me, quite honestly. I am your team leader after all. I know what's best for this group."

He smirks. You should be grateful that he even allowed you to be a part of this team at all.

as you continue to bicker and fight the whole day the rest of the team just watches on in silence, until one by one they all start to leave

Eventually you both notice that you two are the only one in the room. Ratio let out an exasperated scoff and pinches the bridge of his nose. The headache coming back.

"Look at what you've done now." He snaps, his gold eyes snapping back to you once more. "You and your incessant nagging caused the others to leave. What a surprise."

The sarcasm was evident in his voice. He can't stand this.

"Oh you're going to blame this on ME!?" You scoff and fold your arms. "If anything it was your snide comments..."

Ratio let's out a sharp laugh, scoffing once again and turning his chin in a prideful way.

"What snide comments? The only thing I said was criticism that would help you improve on your work. You, just like the rest of those dimwits, can't seem to understand. Do you have any idea of the standards I live up to?"

"It's the way you say it Veritas." You sigh and rub your forehead with your index and thumb.

The purple haired smart ass stiffens. His golden gaze locked onto your exasperated expression. How irritating. How annoying. It was like a buzzing insect flying near his ear, one he longed to swat at.

"Perhaps try working harder instead of being so sensitive, idiot..." He scoffs. He was simply offering constructive criticism. It's not his fault that your little self couldn't take it.

"Ok you see!" You groan and push off the table. "That's what they don't like!"

Ratio scowls slightly. The audacity of you was absolutely ridiculous. He steps closer.

"What, do you propose I use a more 'soft' approach? Perhaps a 'softer' tone?" *He mocks, a sarcastic smile stretching his features. Soft? That's laughable. He doesn't do soft.

"You're just like them. Soft and sensitive. I have no tolerance for useless emotions. Only facts."

"Maybe you'd have more friends if you were nicer!" You raise your voice and clap your hands together before taking a breath.

Ratio laughs lowly, mocking your outburst. You had no right to judge him like that.

"How childish. If they truly were my friend, they'd stand by my honest and factual criticism. You see it as 'mean'. I do not. What is so wrong with telling it how it is?

I don't expect you to understand. Your feeble brain simply wouldn't be able to comprehend the standards."

"Ratio not everyone appreciates your random analysis of them." You scoff.

The doctor gives you a condescending side-glance, rolling his eyes. Random analysis? Surely you were aware that everything he thought of was correct?

"The facts are just the facts. People can either be offended by it or be mature and understand. Clearly, maturity is not a word you know."

"You seem sensitive and weak minded...GET OUT!" You mock him and throw a piece of chalk at the chalkboard before folding your arms.

It takes all of Ratio's self-restraint to not burst out into a hysterical, mocking laughter. His face twists into a sneer. You were the delusional and insensitive one here.

It's not long before Dr. Ratio had pushed you back until you were pinned against the wall his body pressed so close to yours that you could feel his soft, warm breath hitting the side of your neck.

"Weak minded?" He chuckles lowly.

"I would never dream of being weak. Ever."

You both just gaze in each other's eyes for what seems like an eternity before you clear your throat. "We should probably...get back to work..."

Dr. Ratio had almost forgot he was pinning you to the wall, but at the comment, it had made him pull back away slightly. He stares for a few seconds before glancing away and scoffing once more.

"Right, there's no time to waste on worthless chatter. I suppose it's up to me to be the bigger man once again and carry this team." He crosses his arms.

You roll your eyes as you walk back over to the table and start working.

After a small while there is no talking or bickering...until you did a slight mishap on an equation

He often glanced over quietly to make sure the work you were doing was correct. There were a few moments where he had to glance away from how badly your mistakes had irked him. He took in a breath to calm himself down.

He would be lying if he said that the silence wasn't slightly refreshing. But...he's quickly pulled out of that mindset when you made a mistake.

He lets out an irritated sigh and stands.

"Really? Another mistake? At this rate you might as well give me the paper for me to finish it myself."

"Don't touch it!" You rip the paper away from his hands.

He scoffed, his eyes narrowing as a sneer stretches on his lips. He takes another step closer to you, crossing his arms.

"Care to repeat that, idiot? You dare to talk back to me?" Ratio's gaze darkened slightly, his golden eyes practically gleaming in the light.

"Oh don't act like you're all high and mighty!" You stalk towards him poking his chest with your finger. "You're not the big bad Ratio everyone says you are!"

The doctor lets out a mocking scoff, his gaze locked onto you in a cold glare. He swats your little finger away like it was nothing.

"Big bad Ratio? You clearly are more ridiculous than I had originally anticipated. What, are you scared of me? Do my words... frighten you?" He steps even closer into your personal space, his voice dropping into a low growl.

Your heart flutters as your eyes lock again. His gold gaze holding yours so perfectly. But your stance never falters.

Ratio's eyes narrow as he can feel his irritation rising once again. Why is this bothersome woman making his heart beat like this?

He scoffs.

"You're getting too comfortable around me. Have I not made it obvious that I'm superior than you in every way?" He grabs your chin with his thumb and index, angling your face up.

"Superior? Superior!?" You scoff and laugh.

Ratio sneers, practically looming over you.

"Do you want me to list down everything that makes me superior to you, little one? The list would go on for miles and miles."

He stares down at you with an intimidating smirk, his thumb pressing against your chin almost possessively.

You glance down at his lips before locking eyes again. "Shut it...doctor..."

Ratio smirks once more, a dark chuckle escaping his lips. His thumb traces your bottom lip slightly, admiring your features for a brief second before he lets out another scoff.

"You have the audacity to tell me that? Oh, you are a fool. A very adorable fool...now you should shut it."

"Shut. It. Or. I'll. Make. You." You whisper darkly.

Ratio's smirk widens for a moment, clearly amused and slightly caught off guard by your boldness. He lets out another scoff and leans down close to your ear, his hot breath brushing against your skin.

"And. How. Precisely. do you propose yourself to accomplish such a thing, hm?" He murmurs, a mocking but low chuckle falling from his lips.

You lean up and cut him off with a kiss. A soft one before pulling away slightly. You both gaze into each other's eyes.

Ratio's golden eyes widened slightly in surprise, not anticipating such a move. You...kissed him? How dare you act so brazenly? Yet...why did he like it...?

He lets the surprise linger in his expression for a few more seconds before he takes quick action. Ratio closes whatever space was in between you and pushes you back against the wall, his lips pressing against yours in a passionate and possessive kiss.

As the kiss grows to be more passionate small sounds can be heard escaping both of your throats as you entangle closer together

Ratio's hand wraps around your waist tightly, his other hand slipping into your hair to keep you closer against him. Your soft lips were so addicting, it made his heart flutter strangely in his chest. His tongue darted out to slide against your bottom lip, begging for entrance into your mouth.

You open your mouth just enough for his tongue to slide inside, and you begin to fight for dominance.

His tongue immediately sought for yours, exploring the inside of your mouth as a low groan escaped his throat. He began to press you more and more into the wall, his body pressing tightly onto yours with an iron grip on your waist.

He pulls you away from the wall to lay you on the table as he continues to kiss you

Ratio's hand traveled down to grab your thigh and hoist it up so your calf wraps around his waist as he deepened the kiss with a small hum, his body hovered over yours in an almost possessive manner. His long, slender fingers would slowly begin to slip under your shirt.

"MhM!" You groan into his mouth as he slides a hand over your breast.

Ratio let's out a low chuckle as he slowly begins to slide your shirt off, wanting to feel more and more of your skin against his. He began to trail small, light kisses down your neck, gently sucking on a particularly sensitive spot.

"V-Veritas" You whisper softly in his ear.

Ratio gives one final, rough suck onto that particular spot on the side of your neck, creating a small bruise. He pulled back slightly to look down at you. A low chuckle escaped his lips once more as he leaned in to brush his hot breath against your ear.

"Saying my name so nicely...You're almost making me want to ruin you."

You roll your eyes softly and laugh quietly.

"So doctor how long have you been hiding these feelings for me?" You tease as you kiss his cheek.

Ratio let's out a scoff, his face quickly flushing a dark red at your boldness. He was getting teased by you of all people. He doesn't remember the last time anyone has gotten the best of him in such a way.

He clears his throat and leans down to press a bruising kiss upon your jaw, beginning to trail his lips across your neck.

"...for a while..." He reluctantly answers.

"And is this your mhM way of asking me out?" You smirk through a small moan and tilt his chin up with your hand to meet your gaze.

Ratio's face flushed a dark shade of red at your question, his eyes narrowing as he let out a scoff. He was the Veritas Ratio. You have some nerve to tease him.

It takes him an embarrassingly long time to answer, his brain scrambled. He can feel your soft hand on his chin, gently making him meet your gaze.

"...I suppose so." He finally admits sheepishly.

"Does this mean you're going to be nicer to me?" You lean forward to kiss his forehead.

The doctors golden eyes widened slightly at the small kiss on his forehead, his face flushing a deeper shade of red. He didn't expect you to get this affectionate with him. He glanced off to the side with a scoff.

"I-I already am nice to you. I'm...simply just more blunt than other people." He mumbled almost defensively.

You both pause as you throw your head back to laugh. "You're very funny doctor!"

His eyebrows furrow slightly in annoyance. You...laughed at him. He would have reprimanded you if it wasn't for the fact that your laughter was incredibly cute. He would huff in irritation, crossing his arms.

"It's not nice to laugh at me, you know..." He grumbles with a slight pout.

"Fine fine... I'm sorry~" you lean forward to whisper in his ear.

Ratio's face flushed an even darker shade of red as your soft whisper sent a shiver down his spine. His hands gripped slightly onto your hips, holding you against him firmly. He let out a sigh at your teasing words.

"...you're insufferable...I hate how adorable you are." He mumbled lowly, his voice dropping a degree as he stared down at you.

As he lifts you off the table and puts you back on the ground you smile softly "Yeah but you like meee~" You poke his chest softly.

Ratio quietly scoffs again, although his face was still flushed a dark shade of red. Why, you...! You had him wrapped around your finger. His eyes narrowed, yet the corner of his lip twitched into a smirk.

His arm loosely looped around your waist and bring you close to him, letting out a low chuckle as he rested his chin on top of your head.

"Shut up...you are so fuckin...insufferable." He mumbled lowly, not denying anything you said.

You press a kiss to his throat and smile. "Shall we get back to work...my love?"

A shiver raced down Ratio's spine at the small kiss, his eyes widening slightly in surprise. His heart thumped in his chest, the soft fluttering feeling in his chest only growing. No, not during work hours. He must not get distracted until the work is done.

He gave a firm nod, his golden eyes locking onto your gaze.

"...Yes, my dear..."

As he turns to the table you smirk. "Oh and Veritas?" You smile innocently as he turns back to you.

"After work..." You slide a hand up his chest until it rests on his heart. "I want you to show me just how insufferable I. Really. Am."

Ratio's eyes widen slightly before they narrow into a smirk, catching onto your words almost instantly. He raised an eyebrow as he watched you.

"A challenge? You seem so confident, my idiot..." He murmured. He grabbed the hand on his chest and brought it to his lips, placing a kiss to the palm of your hand.

He leaned close once more, and with a seductive whisper, and smirk, answered.

"You're on."

🎀End🎀

[hs-is-loml]

There's No Way. (cs55)

Pairing: Carlos Sainz Jr. x Fem!Reader

Summary: carlos and you have been best friends since childhood but everyone can tell you're something more especially the fans. or when carlos and you are together but try to pass it off as best friends until more people catch on

Type: Social Media AU! face claim is Cindy Kimberly

Warnings: UNEDITED so like 3 grammar mistakes in the twitter threads and prob a little more…

a/n: i will forever be in love with the trope of childhood best friends to lovers for carlos because he reeks of old money and someone who needs a lot of history to connect...

all translations of spanish come from google! english translations are in parentheses!!

masterlist

twitter

instagram

yourusername has posted

liked by carlossainz55, drewstarkey, neymarjr, and 1,341,972 others

yourusername back home 🥰

tagged carlossainz55

view all 117,593 comments

worldchampionsisaid not two boys liking her pic when she already has a man 😭

→ outer_bankzz what the hell are drew and neymar doing here...

→ carlosandy/n no fr considering half the post includes him too-

carmenmmundt pretty girlfriend

→ yourusername sending my love to you! call me!

→ georgerussell63 carmen?! she's your what??

→ carmenmmundt she's my main piece, you're just the side one...

→ yourusername take that, george.

landonorris mom, i miss you

→ yourusername i miss you too, son. come home 💙

→ welovey/n not lando being carlos and y/n's child

carlossainz55 feels good to be home

→ liked by yourusername and 417 others

thatonebakucorner i don't get it, do carlos and y/n live together?

→ forthef1wags yeah, they do! after y/n graduated they moved into a place together, you can see her a lot in carlos' vlogs just doing things around the house

→ thatonebakucorner so they're together?

→ forthef1wags they have never confirmed it officially, so who knows

neymarjr 😍😍

→ thestoryofonedirection ew. go away

→ y/nismothering back off 🤺🤺🤺

blancasainzv always good to have you back with the family!

→ yourusername my favorite part of being home

→ carlossainz55 are you sure that's your favorite part?

→ charles_leclerc mate, there are children around...

obsessedwiththem they make it so obvious😭

lilymhe the cutest!

→ yourusername miss you, babe!

→ alex_albon back off my girlfriend.

→ yourusername never.

twitter

instagram

carlossainz55 has posted

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 2,160,937 others

carlossainz55 never better than at home

tagged yourusername

view all 189,342 comments

wagsforlife the fact they only tagged each other in their posts 😩

yourusername mi vida! (my life)

→ carlossainz55 mi corazón (my heart)

→ rootingforthem their nicknames for each other>>

f1wags number one f1 couple!

→ neymarfan leave it alone, they're not dating.

→ y/nisforlife tell that to their parents who set those two up since birth...

→ marrymey/nl/n of course, it's a neymar fan saying that💀

landonorris dad, mom said to come inside for dinner. (please hurry she's yelling in spanish at the oven rn)

→ carlossainz55 oh no, not again.

→ oneforthewags that seems so much like something y/n would do😭

→ f1circuittrack did lando actually go to them for summer break??

scuderiaferrari home is where the heart is!

→ y/nandcarlando even the admin knows something

y/nisaneed she's so beautiful!

→ liked by carlossainz55 and 510 others

carlosconfusion atp they aren't even hiding anymore...

twitter

instagram

yourusername has posted

liked by lilymhe, danielricciardo, pillowpersonpp, and 1,501,076 others

yourusername can we always be this close? forever and ever

view all 129,107 comments

protectthewags is y/n soft launching??!

taylorswift you're my lover

danielricciardo you're going to drive them crazy

→ yourusername 🙈

tomyloverrr not the taylor swift lyrics, girl's down badd😭

francisca.cgomes you two are so so cute!

→ yourusername sending lots of kisses to you 💋

→ pierregasly she's mine, y/n.

→ francisca.cgomes don't listen to him, my wife 😘

→ thef1wags y/n is stealing every single one of the grid's gfs

carlossainz55 the guy has good taste for the flowers.

→ liked by yourusername and 603 others

lovel/n i want what they have

f1memes drew and neymar are somewhere crying right now...

y/nl/n55 carlos and y/n supremacy

nutsfory/n she's glowing 🥰

shared post by yourusername and carlossainz55

liked by landonoriss, charles_leclerc, anasainzvdec, and 2,913,468 others

yourusername and carlossainz55 never one to be subtle.

view all 196,975 comments

carlossainz55 mi amor, tienes mi corazón para siempre (my love, you have my heart forever)

→ yourusername eternamente tuya, mi vida (forever yours, my life)

danielricciardo just to let everyone know that i won the bet a long time ago 😁

thepaddockfloor y/n is my wag for life

gfsidehoe we already saw this coming

landonorris parents. also, why are the reaction pics on twitter mostly of me??

→ liked by yourusername, carlosssainz55, and 398 others

→ yourusername twitter never fails to make me laugh

→ f1girly not lando seeing the twitter threads 😭

anasainzvdec love you two so much!

→ yourusername love you to the moon, ana!

charles_leclerc i was thinking you were going to keep it a secret forever

gayfory/n they are so perfect together

16crying55laughing the "it" couple of f1

scuderiaferrari our favorite wag!

[soracities]

Hi, how do you manage to see children as good? I would like to, but I only see them as inconsiderate and terrifing in a way a military robot would be terrifing. Not evil, because they are wired that way and it's just who they are, but everyone would be better off avoiding them. I've been to therapy because I was bullied, but I didn't change my mind. I kinda feel like it's an elephant in the room and I am right. I'd like to hear the good stories as often as possible tho, maybe sth will change

I'm not coming for you, but with all due respect it's not "just who they are".

Children aren't military robots because they aren't lifeless hunks of machinery incapable of thought or feelings; they are human beings (like you were at that age) who are trying to make sense of the world around them (like you did at that age), and who want to be a part of that world and feel welcome in it (like you did at that age). They are not coded to do the same thing over and over with no input from anyone else, they are not machines singly wired for carnage: they watch, learn, adapt, respond and interact with things around them because these are smaller, younger versions of you and me learning what it means to exist on this planet in the first place with barely any filters, impulse control and absolutely no guidance on how to do this except what the environment around them (parents, friends, family, teachers) tell them is and isn't okay.

I don't believe this is a matter of inherent goodness or lack thereof--I don't believe anyone is inherently good or bad: what I believe is that we are all inherently social creatures who desperately want to be part of our communities and involved with other people. Children are no different. They want to learn, they want to help, they want to figure out where they belong in their little social units and they look to you to tell them where that is because they don't know yet. And if they are in an environment where bullying is okay (either because they were treated horribly and no one did anything or they see and hear others being treated horribly and no one did anything or they treated someone else horribly and no one did anything) than that is what they'll accept.

If you follow your logic that everyone is "better off "avoiding children--what then? How do you expect them to learn right from wrong if no one is volunteering to teach them? How do you expect bullying to stop if no one is taking the time to instill it in them that bullying is not okay? How do you expect them to ever learn to be kind and considerate when everyone around them makes it clear they're not wanted? How do you expect them to learn what any kind of care and responsibility looks like if everyone is avoiding them to begin with? How do you expect them to think for themselves and reach their own conclusions if you treat them all like a monolith? Every single adult is an ex-baby, an ex-child, an ex-teenager--how do you expect decent adults to come into this world if you avoid teaching all three of those?

I'm not saying any of this to dismiss what you went through or undermine the horror and the impact of it, and I genuinely am sorry you were put through so much. But the best way I can answer your question is with full honesty: and I think it is going to be difficult for you to find those "good stories" and be open to them if you are already convinced that you are right because of what happened to you, that children are automatically feral terrors and that everyone else is just pretending otherwise or ignoring the reality. I believe what I believe because I've spent years around kids and seen all sides of them. I know they can say horrible things. But I also know they learnt those horrible things from a careless adult, or another child exposed to a careless adult. Children can be terrifying--but they are terrifying to other children. And that terror is coming from a reactive and limited understanding of the world where so much of what happens to you often feels like it's coming from large, hidden, horrible forces you can't wrap your head around (because you can't, because your head is 8 years old). But the fact is adults are also terrifying to children. And which of those are you now?

I can't speculate on what you went through or how you processed it, but I think it's worth considering that you may still be looking at children through the eyes of the child you once were and the horrible experiences you had. Again, I'm not dismissing that pain--it's real and it happened to you, and I can absolutely understand your feelings and conclusions--but that doesn't mean they equate to objective conclusions or generalization about all children, especially since you were a child: would you look at yourself like something similar to a military robot? Would you want to have felt the adults around you thought it better to stay away from you? And what about the people in your life that you care about most? Can you imagine them when they were children, like you were? Would you think the same thing about them?

If you want to change your mind, you need to put yourself in situations where that opportunity arises without expecting that your belief is the default. If you can, ask teachers what their fondest memories are of teaching--what's the funniest thing they've heard, what's the kindest thing they've seen, what's surprised them most about kids? What have they learnt from kids (because you do learn--you learn all the time). Ask people who love children why they love children, or simply see if you can find discussions on forums where people share those stories. As I said, I've heard and seen kids do some awful things--but those are tiny compared to everything I've seen that is the opposite (boys giggling face to face on a hill, a tiny toddler waving at me on a bus, a child naming a slug that crept in through his window, a 9 year old boy trying to teach me morse code after having known me for 2 minutes despite how long it took me to understand). It might also help if you give yourself the opportunity to learn a little about child psychology--if people's experiences aren't enough for you, then maybe getting insights into how children's actual brains and minds work might. If you're curious, there's a documentary series from 2015 or so that follows 4, 5, and 6 years olds as they play and engage with each other here to try and understand what their world looks like.

Sincerely, I don't mean for any of this to sound harsh and I really hope it doesn't--but at the end of the day there isn't a secret, pure anecodte that will magically make you change your mind. Change isn't passive; it's something you decide to do and actively work on and that includes challenging your own beliefs by providing them with new and wider information. I'm not saying you have to become a kindergarten teacher to do this, or start spending all your time around children. But if we are going to survive in this world and forge any kind of lasting connections we have to be able to offer some amount of grace and understanding to each other and the people in our lives--and that goes doubly for the people who have barely even begun learning to be people at all.

[meltinghun]

Complicated ; Jean-Pierre Magnan.

summary; since the start of the school year, Jean-Pierre and reader have competed with each other for the first place on everything, that is until reader starts to neglect herself.

warnings: fem!reader, ANGST!!!, fluff, swearing, academic enemies-to-lovers, feelings of failure, reader has a shitty family AND doesn't take care of her health (dead dove do not eat? idk?), canon typical misogyny, they're so mean but they like each other (i promise!!).

w/c: 2.8k

author note: i want to thank everyone who encouraged me to keep writting, your comments made me blush and giggle so hard, omg!!!! <3

I got stuck in this o.s for more than a month because I really liked the idea but I wasn't convinced on how it was turning out, but anyways, I had to upload something after being inactive for so long lmao.

The latin teacher handed each student their graded exams, occasionally throwing back handed comments when he saw necessary, visibly enjoying the defeated faces of the students that didn't receive a satisfactory grade.

With an audible sigh, he extended the paper towards Y/N, shaking his head to emphatise his dissaprovement.

"You were the only reason as to why I was starting to believe that it was a good idea to integrate girls to the school." He raised his eyebrows. "But I'm starting to regret it."

The loud comment reverberated on the walls and hurt her ears, making her shrink in her seat with embarrassment when the big red 7/20 was placed in front of her. When the professor continued walking around, she heard a subtle chuckle coming from the left, turning her head in that direction. Founding a pair of big green eyes already staring at her in amusement.

"And I'm starting to believe that, after all, you are not a threat at all." A small smirk painted his face before continuing. "Maybe you fooled all of us into believing that you were actually smart, but I guess you aren't at all."

Her throat closed at the same time that she felt the need to throw up, she didn't knew what was wrong with her, she stayed up late studying for the tests, wrote her own resumes and even recited them out loud to try and memorize it, but no matter what she tried, the formulas didn't seem to stick to her brain, the numbers and symbols seemed like the exact same thing and confused them with each other and even the words of her history homework seemed to be written on a foreign language. She felt like a failure ever since her parents started to demand even better grades than she already had, spending her days and nights studying and having little to almost no sleep at all, investing all her time into trying to regain her star student position.

She was exhausted, sometimes even getting to the point of hallucinating things from the lack of rest, but convincing herself that she didn't deserve it until her parents were more than proud of her. And that seemed so far away.

Blinking away the tears, she tried to keep up with her facade, "Maybe you should start to mind your own business, Magnan." She managed to spat through gritted teeth.

"And that's where you're wrong, again." She groaned in annoyance. "See, when something makes you feel miserable, it is completly of my business because it makes me feel amazing."

She took a sharp inhale, and before she could say something, the sound of the bell indicating the start of reccess pierced the air. Rapidly, she gathered her belongings and almost sprinted out of the classroom, earning a severe reprimend from the teacher that she didn't care enough to hear.

"Miss L/N!" He made an offended sound. "Women, they are so sensitive... That's why they don't belong here."

She made a straight path towards the teachers restrooms, and only after locking the door did she allowed herself to let out a choked sob. The tears falling down and making a mess everywere, a hand coming up her face to try to muffle her desperate cries.

She really didn't know what was wrong with her.

Maybe she was the problem.

Everything came down like a ton of bricks falling on her, from the pressure of trying to be a role model for her family, to the hurtful words of Jean-Pierre that striked a nerve. Usually it wouldn't bother her that much and instead she would have a comeback ready to throw at him, but lately that wasn't the case, the highlights of her day used to be the moments were they started bickering at each other, sharing defying looks and victorius smirks in the way. She awaited those moments so eagerly.

But now she was lacking the strength to think on a smart jab to get right back at him, and even when she did manage to come up with something, it didn't bring her any satisfaction at all like it used to. Instead, she just felt drained.

Once again, the bell rang indicating to everyone that the classes resumed once again, but rather of getting out of her little hiding spot, she just stayed there, not feeling ready to face yet another deception.

Nor face again those mesmerizing green eyes.

A sharp headache made her wince slighty, she's been having them since a few days ago, sometimes were more powerful than others and today it seemed like one of the days were she felt like digging out her brain out of her head. She splashed some water on her face and looked at the mirror, looking away almost immediately when she took note of how sick she looked.

Opening the door, she carefully made her way to the infirmary, thinking to herself that some minutes with the school's nurse could excuse her absence in the class. A sudden feeling of dizziness caused by the sudden movement almost made her trip over, but before it happened, a strong hand took hold of her arm, keeping her from falling.

"What is wrong with you? Where the hell were you?" Jean-Pierre gave her a severe look that harbored his concern.

"I already told you to mind your own business." With all the strength she could muster, she pushed herself free out of his hold, the anger bubbling on her veins. "I don't owe you nothing, so get out of my sight and leave me the fuck alone. You would do me a great fucking favor."

Her harsh words left him completly dumbfounded, never before had she talked to him like that, even on the days when he annoyed her out of her mind. He saw how she moved towards the stairs, holding tightly onto the rails; moving closer to her hunched form, he felt the sudden and desperate need to ask her what was the problem, if he could help her in any way.

"I'm here against my will, Miss Couret sent me to look out for you." Was the only thing that came out of his mouth. "She was worried because she didn't saw you at recess, even more when you weren't at the classroom."

The lie slipped off naturally from him. Miss Couret didn't sent him to look out for her, he scaped class by coming up with some excuse about needing to ask something important about his latin competence, the truth was that he was the one who worried about her absence. But she didn't need to know that tiny detail.

Jean-Pierre would never admit it out loud, but he saw the drastic change on his rival's attitude, and it got him concerned. He would secretly listen to conversations of her friends that involved Y/N herself as a main topic, that's how he got to know how strict her parents were with her and it made his stomach churn with worry.

The weird thing was, he really didn't know why he cared so much, neither why he couldn't stop thinking about her. She was the first thing on his mind when he waked up, thinking about new ways to annoy her and have her total attention on him, he thought about her on the afternoon while doing homework, wondering if she managed to do the excersices better that him, and she was also his last thought before dozing up to sleep, anxiously waiting for the morning to come to do that rutine all over again.

He really didn't knew why.

A grip on his sleeve made him stop on his tracks and turn his torso towards her, his free hand instinctively coming up to rest it on her forearm.

"I think I will pass up." She mumbled with a lost look on her eyes. "If you let me fall, I will kill you, Magnan."

And not even a second later, everything turned black to her.

- - - - - - - - - -

The fist thing she noticed was the slight smell of pine blending up with the strong one coming out of the medicines, a small sigh leaving her lips before opening her eyes, stumbling almost immediately with the image of Jean-Pierre sitting beside the bed she was lying, and from what she could see, he was engrossed with a latin book.

Her heart raced and a hundred thoughts per second invaded her head. He could've left her with the nurse to come back to class, why was her still there? Was he waiting for her to wake up? But also, what if he was only there to be the first one to laugh at her? The questions overwhelmed her inmensely, so she decided to ask first the important ones.

"How long have I've been unconsious?" The sudden sound of her voice making him shot his head up, she could swore he almost looked relieved.

"I, uhm... Here, I bet you are thirsty." He cleared his voice before handing her a cup of water. "It wasn't for that long, just a couple hours. The school's over in less than forty minutes, so we can go home anytime."

She emitted a groan. "No wonder why I feel like I slept for years, I missed the whole day!" Leaving the cup on the bedside table, she glanced quickly around the nursery. "Where's Mrs. Bellanger?"

"Some kid was playing too hard and broke his arm in the process, she told me to keep an eye on you while she took him to the hospital." He paused, momentarily doubting if he should keep going. "She also told me that you passed out due to a huge lack of sleep and a possible unbalanced diet. Tell me, did you thought that it was smart? To harm yourself in order to have the acceptance of some idiots who can't see your real value? It's not worth it if you end up like this."

As if it were an habit, her eyes got teary, losing the count on how many times she cried on the day. It bothered her so much, even more that it was happening in his presence. For a moment, he almost sounded so consternated... But either way, she wouldn't tolerate being scolded like a kid.

"Excuse you?" She exclaimed, an evident frown on her face.

"Don't try to play dumb. You know what I mean."

"Oh, so you want to know why? I'm the first granddaughter, the first niece, the first child, the older sister... It's obvious that I have to make some sacrifices, even if it's at my own expense. After all, everyone expects so much more from me." The words came out slower than before and full of venom. "Yes, it may not be really healthy, but I push myself because it's the only way to make them proud of me, and it's something that I believed you would understand, Magnan."

"And you are not wrong, I do understand you." He took a few seconds before saying his next words. "That's why I don't want you to pressure yourself to be someone that you aren't, I know what it's like to be pressured by your parents -..."

"No, you don't. You don't know how my parents are!" She interrupted him. "You don't know how it is to be belittled when you don't achieve something worthy of their interest, you don't know how its like to feel proud of yourself because you thought that you finally did something right just to find out that you failed again, or to spend every second of the day studying, priving yourself of having a social life just to feel miserable at the end of the day. And you definitely don't know how it's like to live your whole life without knowing if your family even likes you."

She didn't know when she started to cry, much less in what moment Jean-Pierre got close enough to wrap her in a tight embrace. But suddenly, she felt like the constant emptiness in her chest was being filled with something much greater than a temporary stability brought by false acceptance, it was an unknown warm and fuzzy feeling that made her anguish vanish away. It felt like that was all she needed throughout her life.

They pulled apart slowly, his hands immediately went to her face to wipe away any traces left of tears on her cheeks, and they stood there, looking at each others eyes, feeling as if they were frozen in time. 

"I may not understand entirely, but I can learn how to." He murmured. "I really want to understand you."

"But why would you bother?" She asked, confused and desperate to know. "Since the moment we met, the only thing we do is argue, we hate each other!... I tried to hurt you so many times and you have done the same to me, so please, make me understand, why would you want to help me? Why do you care?"

"Because I care about you, deeply." The words came out breathless, his eyes trying to desperately find her gaze. "I really don't know how to describe what I feel, but I do know that every time I see you, my heart goes crazy, and sometimes I wonder if it will come the day where it's going to jump out of my chest to go chasing after you. I know that every time you laugh with another person, I wish with all my soul to, someday, be worthy enough to be the cause of your smile. But I do know that if I hated you, really did, I would be happy for your downfall, but I'm not, because I can't force me to act as if I don't care about you, not anymore."

Jean-Pierre wasn't a man or words. All his life he struggled to express his feelings, but this time, it was different.

"One of the things I admire you for is the way that you don't never give up, it doesn't matter how many times I get a slighty better mark, you study harder until beating me up the next time we have an exam. You are resilient, and so damn smart that it makes me feel jealous sometimes, because I wish I could have a little bit of the determination that you possess, and I can't comprehend why you focus on your non existing flaws and ignore all your strenghts."

"I never thought..." She began with a whisper, attempting to make a joke in order to not break down completely. "I never thought that someone could ever think that highly of me, not even you."

"How could I not? You are the most incredible person I ever met, Y/N."

A violent sob reverberated on the nursery walls, and before she could even feel shame for shattering that easily due to the sweetest words she ever heard, she found herself on Jean-Pierre's hold once again.

It felt like they spend a lifetime in that embrace, hearing nothing more than the rapid beats of their hearts and sharing everything they didn't had the courage to say out loud, not yet. Squeezing the hug one last time before breaking away, she dried her face with the sleeves of her blouse, his adoring eyes never leaving her.

"Now, what? What's next from this point?" Fearfully, she asked.

"Now... I will walk you home." Seeing her confused frown, he added rapidly. "If you want to be the number one, you have to be better than me, and the first step to achieve that is to sleep well and eat some real food. You have to take care of yourself, then we will work on the rest."

"We? You will help me beating you up?"

"I want to help you to become a better version of yourself. If that costs me becoming the second of the class, then so be it."

He extended his arm in her direction, encouraging her to hold it. Slowly, she got up from the bed and hooked their arms together.

"I must admit that my home is far away and I came walking today, so you can still back down if you want."  

"Only a fool could reject such offering."

She exhaled a shaky breath, never expecting that answer. As they made their way towards the door, a sudden question hitted her.

"How did you know about my problem with my family?"

"I accidentally overheard a conversation, I didn't realise it was about you until they named you." An overwhelming warmth creeping up his face.

"Of course, 'accidentally'."

"Shut up." His reddening cheeks and the obvious attempt of a lie didn't went unnoticed, earning a light giggle from the girl.

That fluttery sensation came back to her. She never thought that it would be possible to feel this smitten over someone, even if she still struggled to admit it. While the boy couldn't stop thinking of how fortunate he felt in those moments, with the person he couldn't stop dreaming about holding onto him and walking her home for the first time, and hopefully not last. The warm breeze of the spring surrounding them as they made their way out of the school between laughs and jokes, secretly wishing to have more moments like this one in the future.

[afreakingdork]

Deep Dive: Rise of the TMNT Donatello's Bad Boy Persona, His Cute, But Mean Type, and Why He is None of These Things

I made this presentation to delve into my take on Rise Donnie!

It was a power point, but I'm going to break it down here. I do want to preserve the first slide though because...

Did you know Black dahlia's aren't actually black? They're very dark red and in flower language they represent dishonesty!

Apropos, let's get into it...

Donnie is a Bad Liar

We see this throughout the show

“No? No… Of course I did… n't.”

"Uh, nothing. Just having a typical normal mystic free day."

"We are just typical, normal humans who got lost in the middle of our normal, everyday human lives. Nailed it."

"Oh man. Uh. This hurts me. Uh. I'm very sad?"

He has all the characteristics of a terrible liar. He sweats, his pitch warbles, his eyes dart, ect, everything you would expect.

Sarcasm! The Perfect Cover?

When Donnie does go for the use of sarcasm, he almost always points it out.

"I feel better already," he said without a hint of sarcasm."

"Oh, sure. Let me just load my tap-into-every-security-camera-in-New-York app. I'm sorry if that sounded like sarcasm, it wasn't. I am in."

Point Out the Obvious Much

However, when he doesn't point out the sarcasm, he also can't help but make mention of the oxymoron. We see this a lot, especially in Donnie vs. Witch Town.

"Oh yes very cool says Donnie as he quietly lets something go."

"Ooh, fireworks. Science never would have thought of something it was originally inventor of."

So basically, if Donnie tries to lie; he gives himself away. If Donnie tries to fudge the truth; he's compelled to make note of it.

I bring this all up to specifically tackle this sentence:

“So unfair. Although it is a boost for my emotionally unavailable bad boy image. “Y’ello.””

Why do I do so? Let me remind you of my first slide...

But how can that be? We just established that he's a bad liar. In the 'bad boy' line, he's not falling for any of his tells. He's body language gives no indication of lying. He doesn't make any note of sarcasm. No one after this line makes a face or corrects Donnie and he doesn't point out any discrepancies.

How could this be a lie?

Because Donnie himself doesn't know it's a lie.

Let Me Take You Back

Things I Did Unironically as a Teenager

Added Japanese honorifics to the end of my friends nicknames (-san, -chan, -kun)

Had my friends help me wrap myself up in caution tape for my birthday, but told people they made me

Wore a dog collar with a dog tag that had my name in Romanji on it

Had screen names like RubyBlueSango62 and blahweeblah626

But That’s Just Personal Experience!

Things Donnie has Unironically as a Teenager

"Ah, yes, so in this case a game of bask-eh-ball."

"Prepare to eateth thy words."

"Oh, hey guys. What’s the haps? Huh? Oh, oh this? I didn’t realize I had it on. This is my sweet new purple satin jacket- Got it from being a bit of a tech wiz. Purple Dragons. Members only. No big deal. Mm-hm. Well, you better grab some toast, fellas, 'cause you are all jelly!"

“It's Bootyyyshakker9000. Capital B and three Ys in booty.”

I believe it's a universal experience for teenagers to push boundaries. For so long, most parents decide everything for you. With hormones and growth, you want to experiment, but since autonomy is new, you try to break from the mold and do it uniquely. Anything that is outside your norm, especially things that swing wildly from what you once new seems especially exciting. From embellishing speech, to wearing specific clothing items, and even your first screen name, you don't know boundaries! It may be 'cringe' in the future, but when you first do it, it seems like the coolest thing ever! It's something that wholly represents you. This online space you. This you that is ungoverned! I'm an only child so I can't imagine, but I bet you especially want to do this when you have siblings. Where the shame in that?

I mean... Kat Haynes agrees with me on this...

Low Empathy

Now to get a little more serious. Alexithymia is a term that describes those who have difficulty feeling emotions. While not always associated with autism, it is more common in individuals with it. About 1 in 5 people who have autism also have alexithymia.

As already stated, it is clear the Donnie suffers from alexithymia. Most Donatello-centric conflicts in Rise have nothing to do with Donnie being emotionless and instead often deal with him lashing out due to his confusion or insecurities. We see this a lot especially in Witch Town where he is grappling with himself the entire episode. He's insecure about how he doesn't understand mysticism and he doesn't know how to process it or his place on the team. He's not emotionless, he's insecure when he doesn't understand something.

"Yes, feelings. Hot, cold, sleepy, hungry…"

"I don't normally feel things, but that one got through!"

Emotions on his Metaphorical Sleeve

Nothing about alexithymia says that you don't feel emotions. Instead, it's characterized by not understanding them. Donnie feels his emotions big and large just like Mikey does and especially if something is important to him, you'll see those reactions dialed up to eleven.

All Talk

While many think of the classic "semi-lethal" line and the "Speak for yourself" when Mikey says they aren't savages in regard to Donnie, he's not really the bad boy he plays himself up to be. When the theatrics are set aside, most of Donnie’s snap judgements are the altruistic kind or he thoughtfully plans out ways to not only take care of his family, but actively ensure their safety (to varying degrees of success, but that's not what we're saying here):

created devices which both counteracted his brother's flaws because they were getting them hurt

Used himself as a shield for Mikey on multiple occasions 

Risks his own safety and bodily harm especially in Turtle-dega Nights: The Ballad of Rat Man and Breaking Purple

Builds Escape pods for everyone 

Enters a sensory nightmare for the sake of the world

Often asks, especially Raph, if he's okay and looks out for the oldest brother

Yet the Presentation Continues?

Why yes, because there is another line of Donnie's that I want to tackle that I believe falls exactly in line with the 'bad boy image' one...

"Oh, you’re so cute, but so mean. Why do I always go for your type?"

You know what I'm about to posit again...

Insecure

As touched on previously, Donnie is insecure. He's insecure about his emotions. He's insecure about his place on the team. He's insecure about anything he doesn't understand and his insecurities are exceedingly personal in nature because he ties them intrinsically to his personality.

"The real thing is much more personal and thoughtful, and I really hope you like it, ‘cause if you don’t I will just be crushed!"

"This’ll teach you to compliment my work and give me my first positive reinforcement from a parent aged adult, ever!"

Speaking of parent aged adults... i wonder where this could stem from...

Role Model

Who do all the turtles model themselves after, but their own father? Whether they knew it or not, Lou Jitsu was someone they all strived to be like. They commited to learning all the lines from his movies. They fought like him outside of the training course Splinter sets them on. Heck, Donnie takes his hero worship so far that his character defining brows are exactly Lou Jitsu's! Babies start learning how to establish social and emotional relationships around 18 months. We have Splinter, a despondent, but loving care giver who unfortunately did not give Donnie the validation he craved. This manifests in his insecurities where he bends over backwards to get the attention he craves. He wants to be seen, again compounded by having three rowdy mutant-powered brothers, and so he ends up tying his worth into his ability.

Now, while for a majority of the series, the turtles don't know about Splinter's past or that he dated Big Mama, but it wasn't as if Splinter hid that part of himself away so obviously. In fact, because he himself is still mourning his lost humanity, he ends up feeding his son's a hardy diet of his life's existence. The boys are secondarily raised by Lou Jitsu movies in place where Splinter is not always present. Obviously, Lou Jitsu seemingly disappears, but Splinter's feelings on the matter don't. He openly still cares about Big Mama in the present and this I don't think it's a stretch to say that he would let these feelings leak in a similar way to how he presents Lou Jitsu in the boys lives. Big Mama is a attractive, albeit manipulative woman. This is awfully close to a little line someone says, especially when we consider that he models himself after this man.

Also, if we're taking models into account. Something we know for a fact shapes teenagers. Something we know for a fact that Donnie does. Something that is equally canonized in the show, then we have to talk about.

Donnie’s True Canonical Idol

That's right. You know her. You love her. You believe that Donnie is a thigh man because of this Lass' existence. Donnie says flat out that Atomic Lass is his childhood idol. He goes to great lengths to dance with her, smashing Leo out of the way. He then even goes so far as to ask if her and Atomic Lad have split up because his intention to date her is so clear. Now she was obviously a mutant in a costume, but that didn't matter because he loves Atomic Lass that much and Atomic Lass?

She's a heroine.

Only cute and mean in the context of the episode, this is not the Lass he fell in love with. The Lass he loves is a comic book hero that travels the universe doing good.

Also....

Ron Corcillo Agrees With Me

A staff writer on Rise, I apologize I can't show the origin tweet because it was deleted, but it was a dual question that asked both about the Turtles meeting Spider-man and about Donnie's preference. Now you could say he's forgotten a line that may not be as important to him, but doesn't that in and of itself say something? It says that it could have been a one-off joke or that it wasn't something that was necessarily intrinsic to the character.

To Recap:

Donnie doesn’t always know himself

Donnie is a cringey teen

Donnie is insecure

Donnie has difficulty understanding emotions and himself

Donnie isn’t actually an 'emotionally unavailable bad boy'

Donnie doesn’t actually like the ‘mean’ type

Sources:

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episodes:

Mystic Mayhem

Donnie's Gifts

Pizza Pit

Hot Soup: The Game

Shadow of Evil

Donnie vs. Witch Town

The Mutant Menace

Breaking Purple

Turtle-dega Nights: The Ballad of Rat Man

End Game

Repo Mantis

Mascot Melee

Donnie's Gifts

Bug Busters

War and Pizza

Goyles, Goyles, Goyles

Lair Games

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie

lactoseintolerentswag's post on Rise Characterizations Pt. 3!!!

skulltrot's Donnie (Rise of the TMNT) | Autism Representation in Media video

Ron Corcillo's tweet from Cartoon Brew's Feb 10, 2024 AMA

Alexithymia | Autistica

earthytzipi's post not understanding why people characterize Donnie has hiding his emotions

hyperfixatinator's post about ROTTMNT Theory: Donatello's Hidden Role

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I said I have OCD when I don't?

I (20X) don't have OCD. I do, however, have some of the symptoms, which is probably a comorbidity thing (ADHD diagnosis). The symptoms that are relevant here line up with contamination OCD.

I can be particular about "clean" things and "safe" spaces. I still live with my parents, and they're used to my habits. They know not to sit in my specific "clean" chair, to let me disinfect things with alcohol wipes before they get brought into the home, et cetera.

Right now my symptoms are relatively under control. There was a time when a brush against something I consider "contaminated" would result in me chucking any clothes that made contact in the laundry and washing any skin that it touched. I'm trying to avoid doing this when I feel like I can, to try and condition myself into being, for lack of a better word, normal. However, it still bothers me, especially when I'm feeling particularly anxious. And it really bothers me when we have guests over who don't know about my preferences and get their outside "contaminants" everywhere, which is where the problem arises.

We're going to have family over. They're flying in from a different country and will be staying in an Airbnb, but the main purpose of their trip is to visit us, so they'll be at our house frequently. This is mostly fine. My main "safe" space is my bedroom, and I would keep that door closed the whole time, and I think they would respect me enough to not enter. But I also have two "safe" furniture items in shared space -- a dining room chair and a couch (we have two in the living room).

Basically, I want to ask my family members to not sit on those two furniture items and say that I have OCD as a shorthand for "if you do this I will become genuinely distressed". I just feel like it's the only way for them to take me seriously and actually remember not to do it without me having to go into a whole explanation about my neuroses.

But at the same time, it feels shitty to lie about a having a disorder. And I'd also be doing this partially out of laziness, which I feel almost definitely makes me an asshole -- because in theory I could just keep disinfecting the chair and the couch between each visit for the couple weeks that they're going to come over for, but both of them are fabric, and it would be so much work to wash and dry them every single day. To be frank, I can't be bothered doing all that, and would rather they just didn't sit there at all. But it might also be an asshole move to tell them not to sit on one of our couches -- I mean, Christ, it's a fucking couch. It's meant to be sat on. (Even if I'd rather they didn't -- not because of them specifically, but because they'd be visiting in "outside clothes", which aren't clean. I also don't sit there if I'm not in clean clothes.)

So -- WIBTA? And if I am voted TA, any advice for how to proceed that doesn't involve having to steam-clean a couch every day would be appreciated.

[emhm]

Coffee? Please?

Let me preface this by saying; I am not disabled and this is not about 'urgent' vet bills.

[I have an outstanding debt to pay in that regard, but the monthly payment is small and the service was already done. It was the amputation for our kitten Lucky's dead front leg.]

I do have a job and the pay is too good to quit. I work 40 hours a week and I spend almost 13 more hours just driving to and from work because our boss 'can't find a work assignment closer to where I live.' Up until about two weeks ago my partner was also working 40 hours a week on an opposing shift. We were just starting to get on top of our crushing pile of monthly bills. Then she lost her work assignment [not her fault] and he couldn't find anything else for her to do. So she lost a whole weeks pay. He found her a place, but now she's only getting 24 hours a week instead of 40. And we were already struggling to pay for the bare essentials. I was hoping so hard to just have something left when the bills were paid. But my entire tax return was used to pay for overdue bills and it still wasn't all of them.

-We have not had a working washing machine since September. Almost all of my ancient towels have rotted and ripped apart from trying to hang dry them to avoid killing the dryer too.

-Our house does not have central heat or air so we've been freezing for months with no money to buy wood for the stove. [It's warmer now but still in the low 40s at night where I am.]

-We have been flushing the toilet with buckets of water for almost a year because hiring a plumber is not happening.

-For over a year we have been fighting the flea infestation caused by the deadbeat trash-pit roommate we had to force to move out. They're biting me as well as the cats and I'm allergic to them. So I constantly have a rash on my feet and ankles. We never have money for flea drops consistently enough to get rid of them and I do not have a working vacuum to get rid of the flea eggs in the carpet.

-I just had to take on $1200 worth of debt because my tires were bald from my ungodly commute and they told me the brakes need replacing very soon.

-Our youngest cat Lucky will need to be fixed soon because she's almost old enough to go into heat. [She's indoors only but I don't want to deal with the screaming.]

Our predatory mortgage payment is almost $2000 a month with all their shitty add-on fees. My car payment is $334. The internet is $87. The power is usually $125. Car insurance is about $115. Garbage is $65. Our car is shared and I go through 1 tank +1/4 tank of gas EVERY WEEK. I owe both Sunbit AND Carecredit. We're both estranged from abusive parents and have no other family to turn to in an emergency.

I can't ask for money for fanfic. I know that's unethical and illegal.

But I can tell you that I write better/faster/more when I'm not distracted by gut-wrenching despair, crippling anxiety attacks and the bone-deep fear of quickly losing my home because I'm always two missed paychecks away from disaster. I know pretty much everyone is in the same boat, and my problems aren't unique or special.

But anything helps.

I have several hundred dollars in overdue bills from last month and it's already time for the next month's to start arriving. I feel so hopeless and I don't know what else to do besides resorting to begging.

I just set up a Ko-fi account - https://ko-fi.com/followmeontumblr

My Paypal is attached to this old email address - Nightshade518@yahoo.com

I have an Etsy shop with some things for sale - https://www.etsy.com/shop/PatchworkLaboratory

I also have a Spoonflower shop with fabric featuring my designs. [I only make $1.50 per yard that people buy though.] - https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/infamousdoctorf

And for anyone who was kind enough to read this whole thing- I do have some NSFW sketches I've drawn for "Eclipse Meets His Match" that I have nowhere safe to post. If you're bold enough to direct-message me with the line-

"I swear on all I hold holy that I am not a minor. Show me the art."

I'll let you see them. Thank you either way.

-Doc

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

me: i'd like a little chaggie angst in my life.

me: nothing major. no blood or screaming or anything like that.

me: maybe something that could slot into canon without much trouble? something quiet. something sad. a small gut punch, is what im after

my brain: On in boss! Give me a sec.

my brain: .....

my brain: Okay how about this- Charlie was so hyped and determined to have Vaggie come with for the heaven trip not just bc they're partners, but also because- Charlie was gonna propose.

me: .... why would she propose? and in heaven? aside from it just being a nicer less gory place in general, i mean

my brain: Well Charlie was super excited about the trip, right? She thought there was a good chance they'd win their case, confirm Angel Dust's path to redemption, show their hotel could work, and prove the exterminations aren't needed and should stop. That's HUGE! That's her and Vaggie's current life goal getting checked off- and if they can stick together through making a hotel for redeeming sinners work, then marriage is kinda just yelling that for everyone to hear.

me: wouldn't charlie be freaked out by marriage tho. her parents are separated, and her family fell apart for while afterwards. she's only just started picking up the pieces with vaggie

my brain: EXACTLY!!! Vaggie got her talking with her dad, talking with him got him kinda onboard with the save sinners plan- the plan Charlie is trying to make her mom proud with! So her mom and dad aren't together, but they're least on the same page now! As far as Charlie knows anyway. Meaning them being married had REASONS behind it, reasons that haven't gone away even after they separated- so it's not like them being married to each other was for nothing or a mistake. It was good! It can still end good! And having Vaggie in her life is what helped all of that happen in the first place. Soooooo....

me: marry that girl?

my brain: Charlie was expecting her and Vaggie to get a great win up in heaven, together, as partners. What better time and place to say how much she wants to keep doing that with her?

me: hmm

my brain: Plus if Angel Dust got the green light for an eventual move to heaven, having the wedding before then would be kinda important if they wanted to be SURE he could be there for it. And Charlie would DEFINITELY want Angel there for it.

me: true, true.... so, what are we picturing here tho? how does all this... become a thing i can feel sad over?

my brain: Well first, imagine Charlie planning it. Being exited for it.

me: oh she'd be so very excited

my brain: Imagine her the entire time they're headed to and are up in heaven, checking her pocket whenever no one's looking, triple checking on the ring, grinning to herself- physically straining under the urge to just blurt everything out to Vaggie like she usually does BUT wanting SO MUCH for this to be a special surprise for Vaggie!

my brain: She goes on the heaven tour while Vaggie stays behind, and Charlie's a little relieved to get a break from the constant urge to get down on one knee whenever she looks over at her girlfriend- she spends the whole tour of heaven gushing about Vaggie, barely taking in the sights- maybe even lets slip, to her HORROR, what she's planning to ask (a beaming Emily SWEARS not to say a word)

Getting back to their room Charlie has to spend ten minutes pacing outside, muttering to herself and checking the ring and REMINDING herself NOT to just pull it out the moment she walks in and sees Vaggie again after a whole two hours apart- She goes in, buzzing with pent up marriage proposal energy, not sure she WON'T just say it all right then and there, and...

Vaggie's curled up on the bed, asleep, luggage open next to her and one of Charlie's spare shirts tucked around her like a blanket, a small stressed frown on her face as she naps.

Charlie melts. She takes a slow deep breath, lets out a long happy sigh, and tip toes quietly over. She does get down on one knee- to be on a level with Vaggie so she can smile at her and stroke her hair and smooch that pinchy frowny face, chuckling softly about how Vaggie never stops worrying about things, even in her sleep. At least Vaggie IS sleeping now. She hadn't gotten much of it, leading up to the trip here.

The ring is pulled out of Charlie's coat and slipped into pants pocket instead so Charlie can safely drape the coat itself over Vaggie, who's curled up as if Heaven's perfect temperature feels a bit chilly- and Charlie moves the luggage to make room on the the bed so she can snuggle in behind Vaggie, arms wrapped around her, maybe not able to resist playing with her girlfriend's left hand a little before dozing off herself.

Imagine Vaggie had been working up the courage to tell Charlie the truth when Charlie came back.... but she wakes up already safe in Charlie's hug, and it's- it'd be one thing to face Charlie across the room and see her turn away- it'd be another to FEEL her let go. Or to be the one who breaks the hold, maybe for the last time

So Vaggie doesn't tell Charlie.

And the trial goes, the way it goes, and Charlie- never tells Vaggie what she wanted to say either.

Instead of asking a question, Charlie gets answer, and they both find themselves on their knees in heaven- but for all the wrong reasons.

Then its bad. Charlie's up in their room alone with Razzle and Dazzle- and the RING- and she keeps trying to put it away or even chuck it out the window... but it always ends up tucked in her fist. Slipped safely back in her pocket.

In Cannibal Town, at Rosie's, when asked if she loves Vaggie, Charlie stumbles over her answer- not because she doesn't love her or doubt it, but.

She almost blurts out, at the worst moment- yes she loves Vaggie. She was even going to ask her to....

Everything all flies out the window back at the hotel gates.

They've got a fighting chance against heaven, hungry cannibals to arm with angelic steel, friends who chose to stay and FIGHT for their home and each other instead of running for cover- it's not what Charlie wanted but she'll damn well take it and she means to KEEP IT- there's no time to think about what the actual battle will be like or what (or if anything) comes after.

Charlie doesn't remember the ring again until days after the After.

At night in bed, after a long day doing more minor endless finishing touches to the new hotel (with Vaggie) and an evening writing out thank yous to everyone who helped hoping none of the overlords suddenly think of an extra cost to that help, rewording until her hand ached (and Vaggie took it gently and tugged her away with a "we'll finish them tomorrow, sweetie")

Charlie wakes up at night, in bed with Vaggie, and lays there staring up at the dark ceiling, frozen in panic- until she not frozen anymore but slipping out of bed and into carpeted middle of the room, hooves muffled as she paces, picking up KeeKee on the way and petting her frantically as she tries to THINK-

The ring, the fucking RING.

She doesn't know where the ring went.

Where she put it- still in her pocket when she was changing into her dress for the battle? Which pocket- pants or coat? Where had she put those- no one had bothered much with stuff like laundry when there were fortifications to be made! Not with Vaggie running daily drills on how to fight exorcists, not with Charlie scrambling to learn how to fight after a life of not ever wanting or needing to, but heaven had done those things to Vaggie, had hurt her, and wanted to do worse to their friends and Charlie would be DAMNED if-

had Charlie's one random set of clothes survived the blasts from the battle? Had they been sitting in the rubble somewhere? The ring- the ring should have made it- it'd been made to LAST after all-

Had someone else found it? She would've heard if anyone from the hotel had picked up a fancy ring though- a random cannibal or sinner maybe?

Or...

... maybe it was just lost. Just, gone.

Fallen in some crevasse or crack into some deeper part of hell, if it hadn't been melted and shattered with all the holy and unholy power being thrown around.

She knows exactly what that would look like, after all those times spent checking the ring, staring at it and trying to picture Vaggie wearing it without squeeing too loud. It would've looked good on her- but that daydream is gone too, and Charlie just sees the ruins of it.

Black obsidian band broken, gold edging melted, inner inscription burned away. The paired musical notes articulated with fermata like little rising suns above them (the pause, to be held as long as they wanted it to be) bracketed and bracketing the blood red, small, heart-shaped diamond....

All of it now probably just one dulled chip of rock lying somewhere no one will ever see.

Charlie, standing in the middle of her and Vaggie's new bedroom, staring at Vaggie asleep in their bed- her exhausted girlfriend planted face-fist into a pillow, silver gray angel wings flopped awkwardly over the covers and spreading out so long and slack (relaxed) they droop over mattress on either side, flight feathers brushing the floor.

The scars are still there too. Also silvery pale in the dim glow of hell outside the windows.

But when Charlie finally releases KeeKee and slips over to adjust Vaggie's pillow (she'd get a cricked neck otherwise) she has to stop and kneel down on the floor for a bit (down on one knee again too) and stare.

Vaggie's smiling in her sleep. Her eyepatch is off for the night, thin slit of black nothing peeking out under the lashes of that eye, and Charlie can see the fresh scars on her left arm from fighting off Lute.

Charlie, picking up Vaggie's left hand playing with it again, like she had up in heaven. Pressing a small kiss to the stab wound in it's palm.

It would've been nice to put on ring on that hand instead.

But Charlie finds herself smiling anyway, softly, as she squeezes into the thin strip of space between Vaggie and the edge of her side of the bed. She snuggles in close, Charlie's cheek on Vaggie's scarred hand and her arms wrapping tight around her own small piece of something way better than heaven.

Vaggie's wing stirring and drawing in, folding over Charlie like an extra blanket and a dreamy hug, not even having to be awake to want her closer.

"Next time," Charlie whispering as she falls asleep looking at her partner- her partner in every way that matters. "'m gonna wait for you to ask... 's your turn to worry about stupid rings, and, stuff...."

On the carpet in the middle of the room, KeeKee licks a paw. Stops. Coughs. Spits something out- something that chimes metallically as it bounces and rolls off the edge of the carpet an onto the floor-

KeeKee sniffs the thing curiously. Bats at it with one paw, pushing it under a dresser drawer. Then, bored, licks said paw and saunters off.

Vaggie's startled wings will fling herself backwards so hard and fast into the bedroom wall she'll end up giving herself a concussion, later, when she finds the ring.

it's her turn to worry about it, after all

XD