#my parents literally asked me to be online in case they will need me on phone speaking french with airport staff.
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on this fucking day
its Amnesia the bunker 1year anniversary and my parents got stuck in airport because theres a strike in Paris. french peopl are wild today.
#amnesia the bunker#je chie dans la seine le 23 juin#my parents literally asked me to be online in case they will need me on phone speaking french with airport staff.
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i’m myself at home, me in public, & i runs it all
#stream#my psychiatrist says i may have adhd he also said ‘im not going to lie to u ur not an easy case bc there’s a lot of symptoms’#ALSKALSKLASKALSKLAKSALSLAJSLAKSLA#i was like ‘adhd ? i don’t have that’ & he asked like ‘nobody has every said that ?’ & i was like no ????? im just insane on the inside like#ALSJALSJALSJLAJSLA literally i went ‘i don’t think that ppl w ahdh online say they can’t tie their shoes & i don’t think it’s the disorder i#think they’re just refusing to tie their shoes’ then later on he asked me how do i feel about myself in one word & i went#‘like a sea urchin’ & he had no idea what that meant#like i thought it was quite obvious ????#nice to look at but u don’t want to step on 1 or that sucks also they’re sooo pretty but Need to Stay Way the Hell Over There’#he was reading the notes i sent to him bc i asked for my notes & i was like ‘ive comments’ ALSKALSKALKSALKSALSKLKSLKSLAKSL#he started laughing & it was bc of the way i phrased things & capitalized ? 😭😭😭 he told me that ALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA#it’s very fucking funny#like u just need to read it like german#he’s polish so i trust him w my life#POLES DO ANYTHING FOR YALL !!!!!!!#like even w that 1 facist 1 i still think abt him i forget his name is was smthg funny but its like yea u look it#like this psych has a normal name but he fits it#GOOD WAY#NOT A FASC#HES POLITE & FUN idk he’s soft spoken & i find that very calming#i sound like u know the sound they play when a cat fight happens in a cartoon that’s my voice#also unrelated but my accent has finally changed so much that the british assume i’ve been here since childhood …. growth like my parents#immigrated to britain …. the chameleon trait#i think it’s so funny bc like if u Are Like That then it’ll work for any language like if u speak spanish spanish & u go to mexico spanish#ur spanish accent will change to be more mexican i think language is crazy isn’t society cool#this doesn’t work for everyone like some people will retain their accents their entire lives like u know ‘bad accents’ i hate the term ‘bad#accent’ bc an accent can’t be bad it can just be strong or weak#like girl. most ppl have an accent. like some people omg if ur a professional translator u can get SOOOOO GOOD WHERE U LOSE THE ORIGINAL ITS#CRAZY#truly
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Im neither a proshipper nor an anti at this current stage in life, but at one point i was an anti i guess? And I hate it say it, but looking back, I understand why. I don't think I actually gave a fuck about Harmful Fanfic or whatever, it was just a substitute for therapy that i couldn't get at the time (because "literally neurodivergent and a minor" or whatever, but like...actually literally neurodivergent and a minor LOL).
As weird as it sounds like, no one cared about my ACTUAL PAIN, and that made me feel EVEN MORE PAIN, so i took it out on ppl who shipped "abuse", or whatever.
It's so stupid now, as an adult who is mentally better than I was then, but as ridiculous as it was, seeing someone ship an "abusive" ship or a "queer erasing ship" (like a canonically gay character with someone of the other binary gender)...it felt eerily similar to the actual abuse I was facing and the stress that everyone was putting on me to find a boyfriend or ask why my (closeted lesbian) self didn't like any boys.
But it was so much easier to keyboard warrior about how people who ship Bad things are Bad people, than it was to fix any problems in my actual life because...well, the actual problems in my life COULDN'T be fixed. That isn't a learned helplessness thing, there was genuinely nothing I could've done. So pissing off Shippers was, like, a vessel for that, and it *felt* like I was getting to lash out at the same people who were ACTUALLY hurting me, even though that obviously is not the case. Funny thing is, it wasn't actual fandom discourse that made me switch sides, it was getting to learn more about youth liberation movements and stuff, because it was then that I recognized the actual structures that were making me hurt.
I think one silver lining is it's made me more compassionate an adult. While I don't have any defense for the antis who do actual horrendous stuff like doxxing or sending death/rape threats, etc, I do have a lot of defense for the ones who were like me and would just make posts talking about how Wrong it is to ship certain things. I know that not all antis are in the same place that I was once was, and some are just genuinely immature brats, but it's like. . . I get it, you know?
The cycle of abuse/bullying is weird and it's not often a 1:1 "I had an abusive parent so now i'll be an abusive parent", sometimes it's the chronically online stuff like I did. It's also why I'm careful-careful to not engage and to just block or, even try to have a mature discussion if I can, and if the person I'm talking to is just "a little bit annoying" rather than "actual bully doing/sending illegal stuff". A lot of them just want to be heard, I think, and it really makes me sad that this is the way they choose to be heard...but also i get it, because i was that.
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Yup. We often discuss anti tendencies in this framework.
People want control over their environment when they have none. They want the world to make sense and for there to be simple rules they can follow to Never Mess Up. This is a very common reaction to trauma and also typical of brains that like order and neat boxes and a world full of justice and logic.
The trouble is that a critical mass of "I'm just pointing this out" type posts does tend to make all the other teens with an issue around moral scrupulosity implode. (And let's be real, plenty of the antis themselves are secretly into dark content and are trying to pray the gay kink away.)
I have some sympathy, but I'm still going to tell people they're sealioning when they are and tell them they're flat out wrong about how fantasies work, not sugar coat it because they're probably a delicate teen. There's no need to be excessively mean or treat people as irredeemable, but I also don't like how we talk endlessly about compassion for teen antis and not for teens targeted by antis. It's similar to how there are all those complaints like "Hey, I work hard to manage my mental illness, but all the support seems to go to people who are letting their issues rampage..."
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Hi! If you don’t mind me asking, what are some ways that we can help support higher level/support needs autistic in real life? Like not just online and stuff like real policies that we can change and everything out in the Real World
That highly varies from person to person because everyone is different with very individual ways of how the needs have to be met.
Obviously the first point would be "If they can tell you what they need themselves, listen to them first." Apart from that, here are some possible things that can apply to some, but not to everyone:
speak slower or don't give too much information at once, some of us need time to process everything (unless we tell you that we don't need you to do that. As I said, it varies)
repeat important words of what you just said. This, too, is for processing everything
it's possible that we misunderstand you completely without realising it. Regularly check if we got what you said right to avoid misunderstandings.
make us aware of changes in advance and give us enough transition time. For literally everything, even if it seems absolutely small and unimportant to you. Some of us need step by step instructions to manage transitions. Every transition has the potential to cause a meltdown or badly overstimulate us
keep in mind that many of us can't tell you what our sensory triggers are, or that we're not aware that we're overstimulated until it's too much and we suddenly apparently "overreact" out of the blue. Learn to recognise possible triggers and make sure that we don't encounter them
make sure that there are enough breaks after a situation that has the potential to overstimulate us. We may not feel the need for a break, but it really is important. Make sure that we actively do things to relax/calm down, just sitting in a quiet room isn't enough. What helps varies from person to person. Some prefer music, some rhythmic activities, some swinging, some pressure/weighted things, some a massage with a spiky ball
some of us don't know what to do or where to start when it comes to easy multi-step tasks. If we can't find something, for example, and you tell us "It must be here in this room. Just look for it." we will stand there confused without knowing what to do. Better: "Lift the blanket. Is it there? No. Ok, then open the wardrobe.", etc.
try to always assume the best and take things in good faith. Level 3 means struggling greatly to communicate and to understand what's being communicated by the other person. "Just tell me" doesn't work here, very often we're not even aware that we want something to change or that we have the ability to communicate.
my parents have "yes no" cards with them in case I don't respond when they ask me something. That's when I'm not aware that I have to respond, how to respond, or that they can't read my mind. It helps me to respond without having to think how I want to respond.
always check if we're comfortable with you helping us with something. If we can speak, ask us if we need your help (but stay there just in case if we tell you no), if we can't, observe if we seem stressed or otherwise uncomfortable or angry. It happens often that carers "help" us with BADLs at a time when we don't want to do them because, for example, it's off routine. Even if you've always done it that way with us and it always was ok, it's always possible that suddenly we don't consent for whatever reason. Your routine isn't our routine.
This is what I can think of so far.
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Things I Wish I knew living on my own
This is gonna be pretty short at the moment (I'll add more later) because I haven't been living on my own for very long and I think there's still plenty that I still have to figure out. I'm also drunk as I write this so this might be rambling.
This is gonna be chock full of really obvious stuff for most people but stuff that really confused or stressed me out when I did it. It's also gonna have that obvious stuff that's not so obvious because no one really talks about it until you are on your own and you haven't the first idea how to start.
First things first. Money. You're gonna need it, so look up a bank that is in your area and look into the process of setting up an account. Some banks have this online, sometimes you need to walk into the bank and do it in person. In both cases, make sure you have a passport, birth certificate, or other ID on you, as literally everything you know about your financial state prior to this. Ask your parents if you need to, or someone who knows this, because they are gonna ask a lot of questions. Once you've got the account set up make sure to confirm your ID. I set up an account online, and since I forgot to do this step, I have now had my account deactivated and I need to start all over again. Don't be like me.
If you're in a foreign country like me, make sure you understand how the currency works, and set up a method to transfer funds without having to pay the tax every time. Set up an app like Wise or something similar so people can transfer you money and you can move it to your bank account. Make sure you have a rough idea of how much something is worth in each currency. I'm still adjusting to using pounds, and things would look really cheap until I realized that a pound is worth slightly more than a dollar.
Services. I mean stuff like wifi and tv and stuff. If you're a student, than your wifi is fine, just make sure you set it up right. Euroroam is a bitch, so make sure you google how to do it right and just follow it step by step. Ask for help. Just ask someone. I'm so serious. Another thing I'm struggling with is TV. In the UK you have to have a license for BBC iplayer. Don't listen to your British friends when they say you don't need it. You do. If you don't have it you will get prosecuted. I don't wanna get prosecuted. It's super easy, even if it's kinda expensive, and hey, you get access to everything BBC. Just google tvl.co.uk and something will turn up. You can use that super handy bank card you got when you signed up for the bank account.
Transport. buses, trains and shit. First of all, make sure you download all the apps and inform yourself on how they work. It's gonna be confusing especially if your an American country hick like me so nows the time to learn. Get the maps. Get the bus schedules and routes. Pin them on your wall. Also, There's often some super cool discounts you can get if you sign up. Where I am in Scotland at the moment there's such a thing as a YoungScot Card, where you can get bus fair free if you're under 22. If you're not in Scotland, chances are there is something like that if you look. Transport can add up. Don't get Uber or a Taxi unless it's your only option, in which case, GET THE UBER. It's better to pay a butload of money for transport than be stranded somewhere alone. Your safety is more important than money.
Printers. You will need them. Often, there will be documents that you need to sign on paper, and so a printer will be needed. Google places where you can get things printed. If you are a student, make figuring out how to print things at your campus library a priority. I'm about to invest in my own printer just so I can skip this process because it's exhausting.
Voting. Just because you're not in your own country, doesn't mean you shouldn't vote. I'm from America, and care very much about the results of the next presidential election. If you're already registered to vote, try and get an absentee ballot.
Which brings me to mail. Get some stamps, and make sure they are the right ones. There will be postcard stamps, and mail stamps, and international stamps. Get the international letter stamps for your ballot and put them on because mailing is not paid for outside of the US. Then fucking mail it! (I'm swearing at myself so I remember to do this part when I'm sober)
Phone number. You will need a new one. Get an Esim card (should be in your settings if you have an iPhone) Make sure your friends have your new number and test it out to make sure it works when you're in a new country. One thing about Europe, is that the old buildings really suck for phone reception. Also, if you want to make this simpler and can't remember numbers very well, use Whatsapp or Instagram to message people.
Mess. You may go into this with certain ideas of granduer when it comes to personal organization. Be real. You won't be any more organized or tidy on your own than you were with other people. Just make sure that the essentials are accounted for and forgive yourself for the rest. Keep a drawer or a basket for all that important shit like bank statements or that letter that says they're opening an investigation because you haven't bought a tv license so it's all in one place and you don't lose anything. If it's urgent, pin it on your wall (get a bulletin board for this). Do your laundry. If you have your own washing machine and dryer, good for you. I don't, so figure out how the system works with the communal washers and get on that. Once again ask for help. Wash your sheets. Wash your pillowcases. WASH YOURSELF.
Hygiene. I hate it too, but it will make you feel better about yourself if you are clean and your teeth are brushed. This is the first thing to go when you feel in a slump. I know. I hate showers. I hate brushing my teeth, but not doing it makes my self-esteem go down the drain and my depression goes on a victory lap. Just do it. If you can't do anything else on this list, or you feel like everything is too overwhelming, do this. It will make a lot of other things feel doable.
Food. Okay, scratch that. This might be the most important thing. I am currently making a late night dinner of dried mangos and wine because I didn't have the motivation do get dinner tonight which is a prime example of what not to do. Because now I'm drunk and hungry. Get a fucking fridge! Get a microwave! Go to the grocery store and buy food. Even if it's ramen or mac and cheese. At least it's food. At this point, don't worry about eating healthy, just eat. Since I'm not allowed a mini fridge or a microwave, I have to time my meals so I get into the dining hall on time which results in this... So if you're in a similar case, set alarms for meal times, and GO TO THEM! If you miss it. Find a place that has cheap takeout that you will eat as a fall back option.
Groceries. Find a grocery store that has the things you need, and see what kind of membership or regular discounts you can get. You will need it. Don't worry about buying too much food, or buying too much junk food. If you're gonna overspend on something, better it be this and not something else. Eventually, you will get a sense of what you actually like to eat and what you don't. But for now, don't be afraid to buy something just to try it because it might become your new favorite food. Make a running list on your phone of what you need to buy and don't worry about overbuying. If you buy something you don't eat or don't want, give it away! Your neighbors or classmates or friends might want it and food is always a good way to meet people and form connections. At my old school, I became known as the one who would always have a bag of storebought cookies on me in class if anyone was hungry and didn't have any other options. I was proud of that reputation.
Don't restrict your space. It can get easy to walk the same path every day, and never venture outside of the area you know well. But every so often, try and use that bus pass you got, and go a little further afield. Just wander. You don't have to have a goal. Just explore. Living in a new place is the perfect time to do this. I recently ended up in a random church just because the gate was unlocked and the door was open. I ended up accidentally eavesdropping on a late night discussion of eleventh-century catholic manuscripts or something I can't remember and came home with a pamphlet for the catholic church I'm never going to join but it was an experience. Make awkward conversations with the people you haven't met before because maybe you'll end up crushing really hard for her even though she's straight and has a boyfriend and you'll spend the next week hopelessly pining but at least it will be something to mark the passing of time, creeping at this petty pace from day to day. Maybe the way she describes how she's learning to dissect cadavers and the way her eyebrows tilt will inspire you.
It's okay to be lonely. It's hard to adjust to living in a new place. Especially if you're a student at a new school. It may feel like everyone is making friends but you. That may be true. You may find that your neighbor has already met a guy and they are really cute together, and they no longer really want to hang out with you. You may find that the person you connected with really well now longer remembers your name but that's okay. It is a superpower, knowing how to be comfortable on your own. It's something you must learn before you can make a lasting connection with anyone. Those people who are making friends so fast are doing it because they are afraid to be alone. You aren't afraid.
Don't overcomit. Sometimes, you might feel so guilty about not donating to a freind's program to help survivers of domestic abuse in africa that you offer to design a website for them. But yuu're swamped. You have three essays due next week and you need to have an opinion about Homer's portrayal of Ithaka and you're terrified every second you spend not working on your essays, so that yiu ccan't relax even during breaks because you're constantly thinking you're behind but now you have to design a website. Don't fucking do that, What were yoy thinking you fuckin idiot. Just give your freind the money and tell her you can't do it.
Keep in touch with people. Don't fall off the map. There are people you love who are still out there. Your gramma wants to know how you're doing so give them a call, but not when you're drunk that will just make her anxious. Call your freinds from your old school. Ask them how they're doing. When tey tell you they're going on a date be happy for them and don't think bout how single you are. Fuck.
Invest in your projects. Don't forget what you love. Join that Good Omens fanfiction group even though it's one of the few things that you're not obligated to do. Don;t forget your hobbies. Watch the thing that David Tennent was in even though you don't have any prior interest in true crime and watch yourself fall into another spiral of hyperfixation.
Read Shakespeare. Relate so hard. Spend an inordinate amount of time memorizing the Yoric soliquiy from Hamlet. Spend a fortune on tickets to see David Tennent play Macbeth in the west end. Let it be your light. The only thing you are looking forward too at the moment.
You'e on your forth glass of wine. You havent neber been this drunk before becuse you are a syupid American who has just moved to the Uk unserpivused. and you're stressing about exams. You were supposed to be working.
Goodbye!
#david tennant#good omens#shakespeare#macbeth#adulting#literal life hack#i can lo longer spell correctly but there's big words in my head#What is the deal with Ithaka anyways?#odysseus#the odyssey#Gotta post this before I think better of it#random shit#shitpost#pining#I'm a wreck#She's in medicine guy she doesn't just dissect people#I met her literally once why the fuck am I so pathetic?#crowley#good ineffable omens#wine#creative writing
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Hudson and Rex S02E06 - Under the Influencer
I don't really like this episode, I find the subject surrounding the murder and the whole influencer thing boring, plus it somehow was the most repeated episode when it aired in Greece (somehow they managed to put a few of them on a loop. Idiots). But I'll make an effort.
I think someone knew that the subject isn't too appealing which is why in the scene after the murder we get Charlie and Rex playing/training.
I know Diesel is a well-trained dog but I can't help thinking that a) I wouldn't put my hand there and b) I hope they pay John Reardon well.
I am with Charlie on this one, we shouldn't know about any of these people's lives. It's all like a bad reality show, and reality shows are already bad.
"Weddings and bad luck are virtually synonymous in my books" - Charlie Hudson. So, we're going with this now. And it's a cute small scene with Sarah and Charlie discussing weddings.
"Until death do them part, or another man in my case". Poor resentful man. It will get better.
If anyone actually speaks like that in real life, please don't tell me. Leave me blissfully unaware.
It's so insane how no literally no one actually cared for Katie enough, not even her mother, and the man who seemed to care the most about her actually killed her.
Rex: *repeatedly barks to indicate poison* Charlie: *repeatedly ignores him*
That's a lot of purple for a wedding.
Fun fact: The Greek word for the flower "snapdragons" is skylaki which translates to "doggo". I am not making this up. So, maybe that's why Rex likes them lol
Poor Jesse had to explain the term shipping to Charlie and Joe.
Charlie Hudson canonically ships Batman and Robin. Huh.
Fiance gets brought in for questioning because he has set up a ship account shipping him and one of the bridesmaids. We live in crazy times.
"I know this looks like a thirst trap..." And Charlie is error 404.
Katie may not have deserved to die but she was an awful human being.
"Your children's interests infiltrate your brain" I don't know what Joe is talking about. The only thing my parents ever got out of my interests as a child was a deep hatred for Pokemon, video games, and television, and a mild approval for the Harry Potter movies (at least back when JKR wasn't an unhinged right-wing nut).
Well, that reaction I get. Also Rex's what-the-fuck as well.
Sarah: The happier people look online, the sadder they are in reality. Charlie: You should post that.
Remember when Joe wanted things to be done by the book in the previous episode? Well, in this one Charlie is breaking into the storage locker without a warrant, right after asking Jesse if they're actually going to get that warrant and being assured that it won't be a problem. Good tv? Yes. Bad police procedure? Also yes.
For a shirt that says Katie club? Bitch, please.
"When you're a social media star, having trolls is a sign of success". Yeah, no. Any idiot with a few hundred followers can have trolls.
The scene with Rex's takedown in the storage area is almost comical and badly edited, with too much slow-mo. The scene with Rex's takedown outside the airport is better, has some obstacles which are good for jumps and such, and doesn't make me want to cringe. Although again, more slow-mo than what is needed.
Well, I'm glad it's on this show because in other fandoms this wouldn't have gotten weird so fast...
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Oh I am very interested in anything you have to offer! Dutch food is one of my least known European cuisines, so I'll take anything 👀
Alright, let’s go over a few quintessentially Dutch dishes. I got this question when I mentioned hutspot, so let's start there. Hutspot has its own Wikipedia page, featuring this pic:
It's boiled potato, carrot, and onion mashed together. Wikipedia tells me its served with klapstuk, which is apparently a cut of beef from the ribs. To my knowledge I've never had that, but my parents used to serve their hutspot with hachée, which is a thick beef, onion (and apparently apple?), and herb stew, so that's pretty close I think. Hachée looks like this:
Keeping in line with this tradition of smashing potatoes and boiled vegetables together, our national dish is boerenkoolstamppot (like German, Dutch enjoys stitching words together; it means kale mash, basically). This looks thus:
As you can tell, the real star of the dish is the sausage. It's rookworst -- smoke sausage --; meat, spices and salt smoked in a horse shoe-shaped casing. I just learned that these were traditionally made in November, the Slaughter Month, which happens to be when kale is harvested, leading to this classic combo.
(By the way: keep in mind The Netherlands didn't have potatoes until the 16th Century. I'm not sure what we did with boerenkool, but hutspot was made with parsnips instead of potatoes.)
On the subject of making interesting sausages: the Dutch looove their fries (usually the thick kind, with mayo), and the best way to eat those is with either a frikandel or a kroket. A frikandel is mincemeat with spices, looking like this:
A kroket is essentially a thick ragout rolled in breading, looking like this (both sausages are popular on bread, too):
While we're talking about food from the snackbar, let’s talk about my favourite junkfood: frietje oorlog (literally war fries, but it means messy fries). These are fries served with mayo, raw onions, and saté, an Indonesian peanut sauce:
Note that having this is fully a result of colonialism. Indeed, the Indonesian rice table is official Dutch cultural heritage. But that's insane to me, so instead I'll use the raw onions to talk about Hollandse Nieuwe (Hollandish New One):
This is herring caught and sold at a specific time of year, eaten gutted, deboned, and decapitated but otherwise raw, with raw onions.
Now, as a final mention before I need to get up, let’s talk sweets. We Dutch love our pastries and cookies, and there's an absolute mass of local and regional cakes and waffles and what have you, but one sweet that actually serves as dinner is the Dutch pancakes:
They're thicker than crepes (and in a restaurant much bigger and thicker than the ones in this picture I got online), but they really are just flour, milk, and eggs fried in a frying pan. They're traditionally eaten with a very dark sugar syrup and powdered sugar, but people put on lots of stuff. A very popular variation has raisins and/or apple slices added in the pan before the batter to have them sit *in* the pancake. Another adds young cow's cheese and folds the pancake like a calzone, yet another fries bacon and pours batter over top. But the main take is that a sweet dinner isn't unusual in The Netherlands.
Alright, I believe these are our biggest hits. There's a bunch more, of course, including regional stuff and things influenced by former colonies, immigrants, etc. But these are some very very Dutch dishes that I have had very very often. Hope you enjoyed the read! Feel free to ask questions.
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hii i have a maybe somewhat difficult question:
how do you go about writing all of the police/detective stuff? I have no knowledge at all about that except having played the game a few times and watching bbc sherlock back when that was a thing.
I have so many cool kimharry things in my mind that i need to get on paper but i don't know how to involve all the cop stuff in a natural way because i don't know anything about it and don't want it to be too wildly incorrect.
so yeah.. how do you even learn the things for this?
thank you so much i love your work
Quite a difficult question I won't lie...... But I've answered at length so it's going under a readmore
This isn't my favourite thing to discuss online as it can trigger my psychosis, but I have an actual dismaying amount of experience with cops. I don't want to talk about it but... Bit like Cuno I suppose. Good ending for that kid is doing public services training ages 14 - 16, and going "oh this is shit actually" once he's got an out from his abusive parent, then working at a restaurant
I quite literally cannot go into detail - so don't ask because I WILL delete this post - but an ex military police officer told us a "funny story" about a "prank" he played on some kids in an occupied location during the late 80s that I recognised as psychological torture, but made my peers laugh. So I decided to become a faggot and poet instead.
~NOW FOR THE FUN ADVICE THAT IS ACTUALLY OF USE TO YOU!
Research:
Honestly, the amount of time I spend looking up stuff for writing is probably more than the time I spend writing. The internet's being fucked by SEO but it's a start. Like... There's plenty of info out there written on the police and their role in systematic oppression, I'm pretty sure there's free PDFs floating around on Tumblr actually...
If it's more "day in the life" I honestly don't know. Maybe reddit or if there's one of those "Ex-[blank} reviews [blank] in movies" videos on Youtube for cops, but obviously take everything said with a pinch of salt.
FAYDE:
Fayde is the best tool at your disposal. We bully Kim a lot for his dedication to the RCM but that makes finding out info pretty easy. EDC too! I've never played with high EDC so just typing in key words (especially names of other officers to try and get character info) and scrolling through is helpful.
Good keywords are "precinct", "RCM", "Militicia" as they'll bring up opinions/ info from other characters.
The RCM is not a traditional police force:
I would worry less about accuracy and more about being interesting. It doesn't need to be a perfect representation of police work since the canon makes a point of there being a distinction in the powers and roles of the RCM. Go listen to the collapsing tenement cut content. You don't need to write about them filling in forms if it's not relevant. It'll show in your writing if you're unsure/ bored.
Make them worse:
If you're going to write one of the officers doing something shitty (yes, that includes Kim and Harry) but worry that you've gone too far then I promise you haven't. Dickheads are drawn to positions of power and the impunity it gives them. There's a reason I wrote one of the 57's officers as a groomer.
Make them less competent:
Don't trust the police, but also don't expect anything of them.
As recently as Monday I had to call for the fire brigade because a lit (thankfully poorly made) petrol bomb had been left under a neighbour's car (I live an irritatingly interesting life for somebody who lives in the middle of fucking nowhere) nobody was harmed. Cop came to find me afterwards to get an interview from me since I'd spotted it and he told me, I kid you not, "Yeah, we're not gonna do anything unless anything else happens." Like, I expected as much but I wasn't expecting him to up and fucking say that. You're welcome for 85% of my council tax, you fucking moron.
Harry's a special case because he's, like, psychic and got "maybe if I solve *THIS* one my wife will let me sleep in the big bed" disorder, and nobody wants to read a case fic that they... don't solve (or do they..? *winks*) But if you care about realism you need dick-in-hand dipshits. Another favourite quote of mine from an officer two years back; "Is 'right wing' the good one or the bad one?" So the advice here is you're writing a cop well if you're reading it and thinking: holy shit please just go work at a TESCOs instead.
Don't worry so much:
You should write, first and foremost, for yourself. I like detective fiction, I have wasted an unfortunate amount of my life dealing with police due to my job and shit childhood. (I did originally write far more about this, but frankly it's better for myself if I don't bother. That's why it's taken me five days to answer this)
I've read/ watched a lot of detective fiction and I'm always more drawn to stuff that is less based in police work. Private investigators, investigative journalists, kid detectives like Nancy Drew, ect.
In particular my favourite book, perhaps of all time, is called Hideaway by Dean Koontz and is two fathers (one: the killer's father - a talented doctor who brought his shithead son back to life - and another, the doctor's most recent patient to be brought back from the brink who has developed a psychic link with the killer as a result) trying to stop him, but never actually meeting! It's one hell of a read if you need inspo.
Val McDermott is a good author for crime writing with less police input, too. She has a book called Killing The Shadows which is excellent. The Killer's motive is taking out crime writers who've romanticised psychological profilers after he was wrongly convicted. Fair enough! Until he starts... Killing about it? Sort of defeats the message... Anyway, what's fun about this book is that before each crime writer is killed (in the same way they wrote THEIR killers killing!! Love that) you get to read the first chapter of each writer's most famous work. So you are essentially getting six crime books in one (first chapter of at least) ...Also the main character's husband is a crime writer called Kit, which I've only remembered just double checking the book name now. Lol???
...This is just turning into me recommending books.
TLDR: write what you know, write what is fun, ACAB, don't even worry about it
#Hope this helps#I'm not upset about being messaged about this by the way i hope it doesn't come off like that#DUCKLINGS THAT DROWN#Imprinting#breakthrough imminent: post of mine
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heya!! I'm incredibly intrigued by your period accurate trans!Edwin fic, so maybe you could share how your research's been going so far c:
hi!! I’d love to talk about my research !!!! And in case you haven’t seen it I talked a lot about this WIP here as well :)
So the amount of research I’ve done for this fic is literally bonkers in comparison to how little I’ve actually written/probably actually need for the fic 😅
Like with the inheritance business I wanted to establish Edwin’s family as Old Money(TM) which meant trying to figure out the British nobility system and what it looked like at the turn of the century,,, I think I made it even more complicated than I needed to but that’s just my MO at the point 😂 I ended up making his father a baron, which then asked the question of “Is St. Hilarion’s posh enough for a future baron??” And I have no idea tbh but I thought not, so I needed to explain that away, which I do by making his parents want him to be in London (close to their house in town, if you will) AND I give him a cousin who married into the German upper class—which the family would’ve wanted to distance themselves from at the onset of WWI and (maybe) a Catholic school would help with that image (ik St. Hilarion’s probably isn’t Catholic but roll with me here) AND his father paid off the school to look the other way with anything weirdly gendered (after telling him, ofc) (this reinforces Edwin’s bullying being ignored if not outright encouraged by the school)
Naturally, Edwin admits to all of this over some truth or dare variant with the other three (aka with great hesitation but everyone else knows how to push his buttons), which leads to the group looking up Edwin’s family, who were posh enough to take a lot of photos, some of which survived (if I ever have the energy I would love to draw one of these photos, maybe with a baby Edwin and all 🥺). Some of said photos would’ve been attached to his sister Lilian’s tell-all book, which is what the girls find online and now that’s a whole other can of worms to deal with! I haven’t decided on trans and/or intersex Edwin, and I only the other day thought about the boys maybe figuring something out in their 30 years together and that impacting everything,,, see the other post for more on that one actually
I think I’ve gotten off track from the original question about research, sorry about that! The main research, of figuring out Edwin’s sex/gender and everything connected to it, is also a part of my research for my degrees so that’s actually the easy part!! It’s the weird little things, like the surnames of the other family members/descendants or the inheritance thing, that are more difficult/time consuming 😅
Hopefully that covers your ask!! Thank you for sending it !!!!!
#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#dead boy detective agency#save dead boy detectives#ask games#asks#directors cut ask game#ask me things!#trans!edwin#trans!Edwin Payne#intersex!edwin#intersex!Edwin Payne#dbda fic#dbda fanfic
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Hello! I just wanted to let you know that it is 100% not your job to monitor what minors are doing online whether you write nsfw content or not. Minors who want to consume nsfw content most definitely are not going to care about a warning and it is 100% on parents to ensure their children don’t have access to that kind of content. I wish tumblr had a better system for blocking minors from viewing that kind of content, but it’s the internet and I feel like people really need a dose of reality when it comes to the internet. I’ve seen some real vile, fucked up works of fiction online and yours are literally just basic taboo with very, very common kinks that are usually only hot in a fictional setting. I understand everyone has boundaries, but some people truly shouldn’t scour the internet if they can’t grasps that someone that’s not committing a crime (or even writing about minors in the first place because can we talk about how common it is for fandoms to write porn between minors or even minors with adults??) should be able to write a work of fiction. I might come off as overly mad about this but as someone who dealt with sexual abuse from a family member as a minor, I find it crazy when someone starts suggesting that engaging with incest fics or even ddlg fics is supporting grooming or pedophilia. Writing should always be a safe outlet of expression and if people find it gross, they do not have to consume that content. If I was you, I would just ignore it all. You’re not at fault for anyone but *you*. Not what your followers say, not what someone doesn’t agree with, not if a minor reads your work. This is your page and you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone for writing insanely common smut even if you do want to be respectful. You deserve respect as well and I find it disrespectful that people expect u to be mommy to everyone on ur page.
U don’t have to post this either, I just wanted to rant as well because I’m mad that u had to deal with people making u feel bad about small things like a warning and accidentally using the word grooming in the wrong context when u obviously have 0 bad intentions and are always so fucking kind.
Hi anon!
I know you said I didn’t have to post, but I wanted to reply back to you (and this is the only way to do it haha).
I just wanted to say thank you! 💜 💜 It might seem silly but this means a lot to me! 🥹🥹
You seriously made me tear up cause I really do try to be respectful and kind on this platform; it’s the least someone can give to another. We’re all just people ya know?
And looking back at it now after a few days have passed, I’m still confused (since I don’t even know what was being said about me/my blog) as well as disappointed cause I thought I was on friendly terms with these people. I didn’t even get a chance to defend myself before everyone just dropped me like I have the plague lol.
And to be quite honest, I find it kinda hypocritical to unfollow me for a misunderstanding when most of the mutuals I followed at the time wrote equally problematic/dark content (and I’m not even writing underage or grooming to begin with!).
Like it’s one thing for someone to not follow me for their own reasons; it’s another to tell people not to because of X, Y, Z and it not even be in the correct context cause you’re just cherry picking my asks/posts based on my ignorance.
Also, I’m sorry you had to go through that sort of abuse, anon! ❤️🩹 thank you for sharing ❤️🩹
I’m moving past it! I’ve blocked/unfollowed anyone who I thought might see my content that was involved (just in case). And any hate gets deleted. I’m honestly doing fine! Just get peeved every now and again cause like why be nice to me up until zero hour and then not even discuss it with me? I mean critical thinking skills are a thing ya know? 🤣 it’s giving Kelso (damn Jackie, I can’t control the weather 🤭)
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I'm shocked that Leshley/Eagleone is classified as a "rare pair".... like... the potential these two have. It's one of the rare (ironically) ships where both parties could end up genuinely happy together, despite horrific circumstances lmao. Why in the world isn't it more popular? Simple answer? People have no taste and can't read between lines. 😤
(omg my first ask thank u ily)
no cause exactly. i tweeted something similar a few months ago about how people go wild for disney fairytales but not this. especially since at the time, the new little mermaid movie had just come out and everyone on twitter was losing their minds over it. people love a good fairytale, so it's surprising that leshley/eagleone gets this much hate. like the reply to the tweet said, it's probably a matter of other shippers not wanting to change their mind because unfortunately, people are very intense when it comes to ships!! you either have to be all in or fuck off, which to me sounds like a ridiculous way to approach shipping in media. so that's the first reason why, and arguably a dumb one too, because when it comes to franchises that are not going to give you romance outright, like RE, there is no need to invest this much energy into a ship. it's not like there is a ship war to be won, at least not in my eyes.
the second reason is the whole age gap thing. since the loudest part of fandoms is populated by literal teenagers who apply high school logic to both fiction and real life adult situations and a teenager thinks it is wrong for a 14 year old to date an 18 year old (and they'd be right, because age gaps matter greatly as a teenager, due to puberty and the various experiences you either get or do not get at a certain age), they automatically think that any and all age gaps between adults are wrong. UNLESS it's people who are their parents' age. i've seen it happen a lot on tiktok, where kids would be like "you can't ship them, they have a 7 year age gap" and someone would inevitably reply "but my mom is 35 and my dad is 42". so they'd be forced to acknowledge that "yeah, but it's different in your case, they're old enough" (???) because you're not gonna tell a stranger online that their parents' relationship is "morally wrong" (though, honestly, i wouldn't be surprised if someone did).
teenagers, as well as teenagers fresh out of high school, are convinced that your early twenties are the direct follow-up to your high school experience. that is straight-up not true. as soon as you get to 20, everyone you know will be in radically different places in life. i mean, i have friends who are already engaged, some who have never been in a relationship, and i know someone from high school who had a child at 19 and got married right after. to them, maturity can only be gained much later in life, like in your thirties, because their parents are around that age, or because that's when people start to have kids these days. maybe i'm wrong. but that's how i see it.
and that's when they start to resort to the sibling coded thing lmao. and if you look at tweets or tiktoks about leon and ashley's dynamic (not framed in a romantic manner), everyone will go out of their way in the comments to make sure that it's known that THEY VIEW THEM AS SIBLINGS GUYS. like the average reply will be "THEY'RE SO SIBLINGS" or "MY FAVOURITE SIBLINGS" which makes me throw up in my mouth a little. like okay, we get it. you don't ship them and you think no one should either. no need to be flamboyant about it.
and then as you mentioned, there's also the fact that people can't read between the lines, or maybe they don't want to. when i played RE4R, i didn't pay attention to leon and ashley that much because i was too focused on the game itself hahahaha. my primary takeaway was that they had a great, supportive dynamic, and then i'd noticed a few moments like ashley flirting with leon about the armour, or leon's fingers trailing down ashley's arm for no reason on the bed in chapter 13, or leon's weirdly boyish and bashful tone when he says "can you make it down? i can catch you" (seriously. he tried to make this into an incentive and i'm not sure who it benefitted more, him or ashley). after seeing some eagleone content and analyses, i was like hang on a sec... there is something there. i will admit that i personally suck at flirting, or at recognising it for that matter, unless i try really hard. i mean, a guy once tried to get my number with a magic trick, and my only response was that he didn't logically need my number to tell me what my card was, and he could tell me right there and the trick would be the same. like no shit girl. you're fucking dense LMAO. but that's just a me thing. when you really start paying attention, leon and ashley's flirting gets pretty obvious.
i've also seen people argue that ashley's crush on leon is "innocent" and she just views him as a hero so that's why she thinks she likes him. you know, because a 20-year-old woman can't make decisions for herself. she doesn't know any better. obvious sarcasm. in wanting to protect (young) women, people are starting to shelter them to the point where we're going backwards towards (male) guardianship.
so so sorry this ended up being longer than i thought help
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Lots of tw's.. also please read the entire post if you start reading it. Im not a bad person. This is a specific case and i KNOW this person and have talked this stuff over w ppl that also know him. He manipulated me into hating the ppl i know i love most (as friends) now and did a lot of fucked up shit a lot of which I'll list
Tws include : sh, severe mental illness, "kys" jokes (wasnt rly a joke), ed, trauma, etcetc
Im only saying this shit on here because literally no one knows who im talking about and never will. This is an irl person who doesn't even have Tumblr im pretty sure.. I'd prefer if you only read this if ur a moot or i follow u or vice versa pls 😭
Im gonna throw the imaginary fights i have in my head on here
all the same person cus they side eye me at school and ik damn well he's trying to get ppl to not like me but idc cus im in the right and i have proof 💋
Like i just KNOW he views me as childish n shit
Likr
childish?? ME?? You're the one that said my 7 year old brother should kill himself because he played the same roblox game as you..a 14yo... But, yes, im the childish one...
its a genuine scenario I can't get out of my head and i need to talk abt it
Contrary to what you think, i DO like you. I don't hate you because my online best friend expressed how HE doesn't like you... Its actually crazy that you came into my home for a complete weekend, were as EXTREMELY disrespectful as you were, we didn't say anything and then you're out here saying me and my entire family hate you... Like no babes my parents went out and bought food from the store that we never eat bc you would eat it... No babes, i made cookies from scratch bc cookies are one of the only things you'll eat... No babes, we didn't even comment on the fact that you had three sodas and had two sips out of each of them before you wasted them...
Your "eating disorder" is DEFINITELY fake, too. There might be part of it in there but wdym "my grandparents starve me" when you asked if you could have a random bag of chips and they immediately bought it for you? I fear you just need to tell them when a food is out? They both work a ton bc they had to take you in a few months ago I don't think they notice much when the pantry or fridge is running low. Wdym "ew i hate that" to every food in existence but you scarf up wretched school breakfast and lunch daily...? Again with "i shove it down my throat bc my grandparents starve me" are you forgetting how close we got so quickly? How ik you? You wouldn't eat 95% of that before you starved to death if it was at my house... But you're gonna eat it all up there.
Same with your "personality disorder".... Wdym we're in the middle of English and you go "bro i just spawned in. What am i wearing and why? Omggg why do i have sh on my arms???" Like be so fr rn. You aren't immune to being aware of PHYSICAL PAIN. And i get like.. having a different style but fym "why am i wearing this what is it" ..? (I have talked to a SYSTEM friend abt this and they can confirm its v fake seeming)
Its actually crazy when i didn't kick you out after you said that about my brother, you're actually insane. I get you have very recent trauma but holy hell refrain from making relationships if you're gonna fuck someone up.
You had your "friend" give me back my sweater bc you were too childish to do it yourself and look me in the eye. You moved seats without permission. You glare at me in the class where you can't move seats.
Also, that "friend".. you call her a slut and talk shit abt her to her face because she has HEALED sh scars. Then you walk around campus with gaping wounds acting like you're self conscious of it when you're actually begging for attention. This is NOT me saying ppl who sh are attention seekers btw.. i KNOW him and me and several other people agree he's doing it for attention. My friends have said they'd have relapsed after seeing them if it had been a bad time for them, thats how bad it was.
I genuinely hope he gets better bc he is fucked up in the head, however i also wish the best on his next victim of "we're friends". I hope they get away or meet him after he has gotten better.
To this guy - i hope you better yourself instead of trying to make yourself as bad as possible because you find comfort in that, or rot.
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I hope you don't mind my asking, but I'm currently plugging away at getting a college degree (honestly with a lot of misery and not much success) because I don't know what the alternative is. Do you mind my asking how you found another way forward?
Just checked my inbox for the first time in months, sorry I just saw this.... But in case you're still around:
I literally had a mental breakdown on my 4th year of uni, and eventually it led to me dropping out. Then I got a girlfriend in another country (who I had met during my erasmus exchange), moved there to work as an au pair for two years, and then went to live with her.
I found out I was unhireable to work with kids in this country unless I had a relevant degree, and decided to go to a trade school to learn how to be a "practical nurse", in my case specializing in childcare, and immediately after found a job as a teacher's assistant in a daycare. In English, to boot! I was lucky.
Trade school was only two years. Two years and I got a job super quick! And I do truly love my job, even though the kids drive me insane sometimes.
I went to uni for translation, and I liked translating, but the studying was a slog. Consider if the job that the degree is giving you access to is something you will really, really enjoy doing, and if all this suffering now will be worth it one day.
I could do trade school because it was very short and much more practical. There was less studying and more work practice, which suited me better and actually did wonders to teach me about the job. It was still hard, since it was in Finnish, which I was (and still am) not great at, and it switched to completely online bc i started it two months before the pandemic hit. But the end line did not feel so far away, and the certainty that i would have a job by the end of it kept me motivated.
Idk where you're from. I didn't have to worry about student loans, and I even got paid to study here in Finland. The au pairing also helped take me away from home and see the world for myself, since I wouldn't have been able to leave my parents' house as easily in my country.
There is also the option of doing an apprenticeship, working while you study, at least in this country, but you might find something suitable in yours as well; maybe something that is not glamorous, but they need people and they are willing to train them.
I don't know what to tell you! I wish you good luck in whatever you end up doing.
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Infodump
Whoops it looks like my threat to infodump backfired lol
I wanna let you guys get to know me without compromising my personal information online so if this seems vague in weird spots that's why.
Name: well I just looked through my several Name notes and saw the name Maewyn (the name of my future daughter in Stardew Valley lol) and I like that so why not, if you need to refer to me call me Maewyn or Mae.
Family: I live with my parents and sister, all of whom I adore! I'm the eldest child. We got our first dog when I was 12 and he's still with us.
Favorite Color: Purple. It's pretty and I look good in it ngl. I prefer more blue-tinted shades like indigo or periwinkle.
Favorite flower: it's insanely hard to choose! Botanical gardens and hikes through parks are some of my favorite activities and oh my goodness the pretty plants you see in those places. I might just have to say roses because I have three bushes of my own in the front garden that I tend to every summer and fall.
Favorite Animal: Elephants! I have reasons but I'm not going to articulate that right now sorry
Favorite metal: I'm not a very jewelry oriented person, mostly because of my eczema, but I own mostly silver jewelry.
Favorite stone: once again hard to choose, they're all so pretty. Opal is magnificent, but my only problem with it is it's so soft, so as a practical person who prefers day-to-day wear, it's not the best stone for me.
Zodiac (just in case you were thinking of asking): All I know is I'm a Scorpio.
Hogwarts House: I took the Pottermore quiz in fifth grade and got assigned Ravenclaw so that's what I'm sticking to. Not knowing anything about Harry Potter, I think I'm a Ravenclaw with Hufflepuff tendencies, or vice versa.
Favorite thing to study: I am a student of a lot of things so it's hard to choose, I think every subject has its charm. I love reading and thinking about themes and creative writing (obviously) but I couldn't see doing that for a living because I fear I either wouldn't be motivated enough or having to make money off of something artistic would take the joy out of it. I'm studying Computer Science, and it's very interesting. Biology and Anatomy are super cool as well, but once again I don't think I'm suited to the life of a researcher or a doctor.
Hopes and dreams: just to be a well-adjusted and kind person. I want to be the person that people are drawn to and feel like they can trust, the kind of person where "my door is always open" is a reliable statement. I'm a very shy and quiet person, and maybe not necessarily super emotive, so I feel like at the moment it's a bit hard for people to believe that I care or I'm someone who could care, even though I do, very deeply. Literally my personality goals are Peeta Mellark, Beth March, Samwise Gamgee, and I think my faith plays a lot into that.
Other Fandoms: Star Wars (esp. the Prequels and cartoons) and Star Trek for sure!! I have another sideblog dedicated to that. I'm watching ST:TOS right now and it is so unbelievably fun. I used to be a Marvel fan. I'm still a hardcore Spider-man fan (all media fr fr). I play Stardew Valley, a little Palia but just for the graphics if I'm honest. Uhhh I'm blanking right now so that must mean those are the really important ones.
Fun facts:
I need all four wisdom teeth removed and either braces or Invisalign in the next few years, along with a not-so-purely-cosmetic periodontal surgery.
I downloaded Goodreads maybe three weeks ago and I have 229 books on my Want to Read list.
I skipped all of my high school English classes through Dual Enrollment.
When I clean my room I clean clean but I only do it once every one or two months, and in between it kind of turns into a disaster zone.
I'm gonna get my hair cut from 18 inches to 4-6 inches in a couple months and I'm nervous and excited at the same time.
I want to make myself a capsule wardrobe soon.
I crochet and as soon as I have a little more free time I'm going to teach myself to knit. After that probably quilting, even though I suck at sewing.
I interviewed someone about his beard today.
I'm watching The Vow with my family right now when I probably should be working on my physics.
And if you know me irl, these fun facts will probably let you piece together that it's me running this blog.
That concludes this evening's infodump, I hope you enjoyed.
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Friendly reminder that the abortion laws are not about whether a baby lives or not. It's about who makes the decision if it does.
And if the decision is not made by the mother, it's made by people who don't have to live with the consequences of that decision.
The abortion law doesn't 'just' affect women who simply decided they don't want kids. They affect any pregnant person. Because it takes away the parent's choice and it takes away their safety net. If your baby dies in the eighth month, the abortion law will prevent that its removed before it's time. If you were raped, you will have to carry out the child of your aggressor. You're 11 and the father of your baby is your uncle? That's not the babies fault, is it? It's either you live or the baby's? Congratulations, the mother's life is not protected by the abortion law, the baby's is.
What do you think will happen if the safe option to abort a child are gone?
If you have a violent partner who's been abusing you and insists you don't have that child? You have to endure being kicked to miscarriage while doctors try to save your child? You have to drink poison, like they did in the middle ages? That's on you and you will be imprisoned for doing that. (Not to mention that aftercare after a miscarriage will be a grey area in the medical field then)
And what happens to the unwanted children? Foster care? Isn't that an already overwhelmed system? Aren't they being abandoned by the state at the state they are in?
You may think now: but the abortion law is more nuanced than that. Is it? Is it really, or does it 'just' make it harder for all these cases to be taken seriously? If a judge has to confirm your choice, how many months do you think that will take?
Look, I am all for, talk this through with a psychologist and a doctor first, but the choice should always be the biological parent who carries out the child!
If you're asking me 'when is a child a child, where do you draw the line, a phetus is still alive' I have a rather simple answer. If the baby is removed from the mother and can survive (with assistance) mostly on its own without shutting down, that's where I'd put the line. That's when it stops being part of the mother's literal body. Because that's where it stops needing the literal physical connection through venes and blood and hormones and stuff. But I will also say that I'm not a doctor and this is my personal opinion and of course this needs to be discussed. But this is a discussion for when abortion is legal.
People who tell you abortion needs to be illegal are people who think of this law as a mass child murder. And that's really not what it is.
In fact, most people whom they are raging against in front of the clinics are women who go there for medical care and family planning.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Just a few examples I've read about or that I sometimes see in shows that try to educate you on this specific subject. You don't have to agree with all that I said. But think about it.
When right wing people ask you: 'would you, personally, really abort a child? A baby? A human life? You're killing it!' Be mindful that this question is ironic. Because in the end, they don't care about your opinion, they want to take away that same choice they are giving you, from everyone, including the people whose life depends on it.
(P.S.A. (to be transparent): I have not read the laws that actually concern anti abortion laws, so whatever nuance this has, I admit, I am unaware of it. And I'm struggling to imagine how a law like that could be anything but absolute. I took comments from people's 'opinions' I saw online and drew a logical conclusion there to show you what problems can arise from that alone.)
shout out to tim walz who essentially said “it’s none of my fucking business if a woman gets an abortion. but if they dont we’re making sure that kid is fed and housed and if they do we’re making sure they’re taken care of and surviving”
#vp debate#vice presidential debate#us politics#us elections#abortion#i have a strong opinion on this
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hhhh reality hit me ouch- im so good at compartmentalizing until I get home
im not gonna get much done roleplay wise im sorry, not doing so good. just holding together-
mini-vent case you wanna know why but i don't really wanna bring people down so- yeah. short version is just stress from school and then i spiral hhh 😞
school stress is so fun and I love it when I talk about it to parent and get told its my fault because i shouldve known and shouldve just asked even though confrontation makes me nervous and a lot of people made the same mistake. this is why I dont talk about it. do i need to say "im stressed. please dont make me feel worse"? tbh id probably get yelled at even if I clearly expressed that because thatd be "talking back" or something. or maybe I am just stupid. because some people got it. i shouldve just been smarter. I really dont deserve to be where I am if I make mistakes like this.
ahgh sorry for being self-pitying online- idk sometimes I get sick of talking to myself. she literally has nothing good to say rn 🎉
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