#my painkillers arent working either

[perfectblve]

.

[pizzapizzadickz]

Haaah. Is it really too much to ask to have just one day (1) where I'm not achy and in pain?

[silvertiefling]

&&. so a small-ish health update;

currently officially on medical leave from work rn because the back pain has become so atrocious and repetitive, doctors don't know what do to with me at this rate, im currently doing loads of physio because apparently all the muscles in my back are strained and fucked and some arent attached in ways they should be

i have other health issues that have caused complications with this random back pain - like a blood disorder that severely limits what i can take to actually help the muscle issues. i can't take anti-inflammatories or most painkillers that aren't acetaminophen (Tylenol) based. which means its either narcotics or nothing and the morphine has been making me severely ill and incredibly loopy. they also can only give me so much because of restrictions on those meds. so im basically stuck on heat and tylenol based muscle-relaxants and physio.

so sometimes im on here more because i need SOME sort of distraction from the pain, but often i'm not on as much or as fast as before because sitting or typing or whatever for even short periods fucking hurts or i can't move at all. so if i'm being SUPER selective about replies thats why. i'd rather do what i have muse for right at that moment to help distract myself then do things im not feeling super inspired for right at the moment.

this pain comes in waves some days and stays forever other days and will likely be here for months to come. so if replies are sporadic, or im sending stuff or lurking or doing asks or things but not answering one specific draft, its not because i'm dropping it or ignoring it - im just very limited and miserable right now.

ive dealt with other chronic pain my entire life, but this is a different kind of torture.

[amberr-r]

hi hrlelo here is me rambling on about my ii/objectified au

everything in the story is basically the same except for microphone and taco, who still have a slight dislike of eachother as they team up to recover soap (fuzzball) and pickle (sharps, in this au taco and pickle arent together, yet when pickle died taco still had a feeling to recover him??)

anyways so basically

test tube - spool

fan - citrus

lightbulb - dynamite

paintbrush - mushroom

balloon - brandy

nickel - minty

bot - sugarcube

razor - microphone

gum - taco

fossil - oj

painkiller - paper

dragonscale - (ghost) bow (her group is baseball, knife, yinyang [seperated])

comet - either candle or tissues, maybe suitcase??

wagyu - apple (shes both rotting and has the infection)

fuzzball is soap,, gin is probably trophy? ? ghost (dragonscale’s wife) is marshmallow

might have to revamp the whole storyline of objectified a bit for this to work but whatever!!!!!

also lightbulb might be a cheetah and not a jaguar, still deciding

oj’s partner in marshlight (i forgot their name or who they were supposed to be) is salt

some doodles (somewhat concept)

i lovw creaturified mic🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼godbless

[m1nam1n5]

TLDR: 2D plays/played resident evil and its one of his favorite series

long vers: i genuinely believe this solely because of this shirt ⬇️

and everything else we know about his character.

he likes zombie movies and is described as something like a zombie at times so yeah itd be plausible and the t-virus is something that shows up in the first re game...which came out around the time before he joined the band (1996)

2 and 3 (1998 and 1999 respectively) came out just around the time they were working on the first album/murdoc still in the process of forming the band so there would be enough time for him to develop a love of the series (if he hadn't already in the beginning)

like just imagine him being so happy waiting in line to get this new game thats hes been hearing about from everywhere

i also think itd be somewhat of a comfort for him, something that reminds him of his life before the band (though he'd never wish it was different, maybe a few aspects), its just sometimes a nice reminder and a way to wind down if something is too overwhelming (or his painkillers arent working in the earlier phases).

he also definitely showed noodle once she was old enough (he made that mistake with the zombie movies once and he felt so bad) and i genuinely think she somewhat like the series (her first game wouldve been the og4, she would dislike the blood and everything she'd totally think that the were girls badass), this also becomes something they do together on their days together (they do because i totally say so).

i either read to much into that shirt or i could be right either way he would play resident evil thanks for coming to my TED-Talk <3

[mejomonster]

My gastroparesis driving me up a wall. And by that i mean ive been barely eating for over a week now and my symptoms still arent improving and im really not havin a great time im exhausted my bodys in pain trying to get me to Rest but i gotta work full time and my abdomen absolutely hurts but painkillers slow digestion even More so ive been laying down on heatpad as much as possible and i really dont wanna go back to an All Liquid diet (but even if i did im at the nausea and vomiting point of a gastroparesis flare which means even liquid only im likely to throw up either way) and like. I just wanna comfort eat bread cause i feel miserable exhausted in pain and it would be a small joy. But bread is absolutely not something i can eat during a flare. I can only eat it when doing good if i take benedryl. Im so angry and tired and id like to sleep for days. And i gotta still Make myself eat chips and protein shakes even tho i got nausea cause my gi meds dont work unless i eat Something. Even if i got nausea and tons of pain wooh

Anyway im getting flack from family for being so tired the last week and i love em and all but its awful feeling guilty for not calling Enough when its like goddamn eating (something humans gotta do at least once a day) hurts phenomenally and i barely can but i obviously desire to like any human then i eat and Ouch my body didnt fucking like that and punished me for it and im so mad. I feel awful and yeah im mad i dont got energy to hide how much pain im in and chat false enthusiastically for 20 minutes after already doing it all thru work. I had 1 teaspoon of peanut butter today and my remaining options are soup broth (but it had beans cooked in it and my body cant take fiber today so idk if its worth the risk of any accidental beans) and salad (which is of course raw vegetables fiber very hard on stomach rn so i can probably just eat a handful size portion and hopefully ill chew enough its mush and my body will tolerate it). And a protein shake (but its got fiber and is made of chickpeas i think for the protein so idk if my body is tolerating it or not im just drinking it so i dont have no calories). I had chips yesterday but i think my body considered it too solid or large to digest idk cause im eveb worse today. I also had toast yesterday cause i was so angry and hungry and wanted comfort food. So of course that messed me up. Which means i should take more benedryl. But then i wont just be hungry and pain tired, ill also be drug tired. And im so sick of being miserablr all day at work just to pass out the second its over cause allergy meds knocked me out then ive lost all day. But without allergy meds i can eat hardly anything i like. I mean i cant eat rn but like. Right before this fuckjng flare and hopefully once its over. Im just sick of it. Im tired and when i go to therapy next week shell probs ask oh what do you do to stress relief and its like... i get it but are u fucking kidding me. Im knocked unconcious from benedryl. And tired anyway cayse no food, and pain nonstop from gi tract. So im barely doing anything. I cant really get outta bed cause i need the 4 sq feet heatpad or ill be in agony over my abdomen. Dont have tv in room so i can use phone i guess. So tired i can barely keep eyes open or think so im not writing reading or watching shows on phone. I can idk listen to a reaction or lets play since if i fall asleep and wake up i dont need to follow a plot. But like im not in a state to be going for a fucking walk (i wish! I wanna dance and walk but my abdomen and back feel awful and im so tired im dizzy when i stand) or hang out w friend, which im sure idk shed prefer to hear some productive ass activity like god im just trying to keep myself employed and out of the ER until the flare rights itself. Please

And i know jts not that bad. Ive been worse. I couldnt eat solid food for 6 months once. I was in the ER weekly it was so bad i blocked most of it outta memory. This is only a couple weeks. And i havent thrown up much! I was throwing up 5 times daily back then. And i have had chips and peanut butter! I recognizr thats nice, i got some solid food and held it down! I know my gastroparesis is EONS LESS severe than it was when it started.

Its just like. It still sucks barely eating for weeks and any eating hurting immensely and nonstop nausea for days and pain not lowering. Like a normal healthy person might snap from anger if they try to go 20 hours without eating, or crash and need to eat to keep going, or just be run down as fuck and justifiable if they barely do anything that day. But i go days like that and im expected to just appear fine and live life normally like im not worn down af and just desperate to not feel nausea and pain and i just really wanna eat again. Normally.

[stone-butch-blue]

god ok everyones gonna hate this but i have extreme physical and mental problems and like. people do take physical disabilities more seriously?? "i cant do that my hip pops out of joint" "ugh sorry i have a migraine today" "i recently had surgery" "i walk with a cane can you bring it to me?" no problem. accommodated. if it isnt and its a public place i can say "i will literally fucking report you for discrimination" boom suddenly, magically, accomodation. (i am white passing wont lie and say thats not what allows me to do this)

"i cant do that im autistic" well why dont you try. "im having a bad mental health day" sorry. you have to do it anyways. if i called in sick bc im borderline i would be laughed out of my job. if i called in bc i have DID like "sorry im literally 16 and a different person today" theyd be like what the FUCK are you talking about come into work.

EDS is hard. needing a cane is hard. chronic pain is hard. i dislocate my ankle every year when the weather gets cold. my hip dislocates or subluxates like once a week. some days i cant use my hands at all. other than my parents who were seriously medically neglectful and forced me to do crazy shit in extreme pain i have been accommodated (DEFINITELY bc im white passing but) and the thing is. they didnt care about my mental stuff either. ITS WORSE ITS MORE DISABLING IT HURTS MORE IT STOPS ME FROM DOING MORE like im sorry but every part of my body is in pain every day and sometimes i cant walk or use my hands or jaw and my eyes are tearing but the mental stuff hurts so much worse it always did and now that its getting better i realize that the physical pain means nothing to me in comparison. im happy even when im in extreme pain on good mental health days. so so happy. it just means nothing in comparison? maybe my pain tolerance is crazy high but like ive passed out from pain multiple times i would take that over mental pain any day. you guys dont get it. i passed out and split my chin open to the bone and i didnt even need painkillers for it but if i go off my meds for mental stuff the pain and anguish is unbearable and i would rather be dead.

no depression and anxiety arent that bad compared to chronic pain a lot of the time and needing mobility aids but real mental anguish and developmental disabilities ARE just as bad as physical ones and people DO take them less seriously so if youre neurotypical and physically disabled maybe dont act all high and mighty and yell at people online for considering themselves disabled and make separate categories for "real" disabled people and "ablebodied" disabled people. THE BRAIN IS PART OF YOUR BODY LMAO

signed your friendly neighborhood ehlers danlos sufferer w chronic migraines and a digestive tract that doesnt work (or their knee or ankle or hip on their right leg or their wrists or fingers or jaw or spine. i could go on) who is also borderline autistic DID adhd etc

[uwuowotf2waslife]

Mercs reaction to coming back from a long away mission and finding out s/o had been cuddling into his left behind shirts/blankets bc it smelled like him and they missed him so much it was the only way they could sleep?

this isnt a headcanon, this is a canon if i ever saw one

Scout: my boy always gets extra exhausted after a mission, so he just gets into his& S/Os room and plops in the bed without looking,probably still in his work clothes. At some pointin the night, he will wake up to use the loo. Returning he sits down and feels something funny under his butt, it isnt soft like a bedsheet and it feels somewhat familiar. He scoops it up and inspects it..it feels excactly like one of his shirts...now,maybe...he searches with his hands a bit more and he feels more of his clothes like a blanket around you. His heart has officialy melted and he needs to contain himself from jumping onto you and hugging the light out of you.He will spoon you and kiss your shoulder, prepare to be drown in kisses and affection, he wont stop untill your or his bladder is about to burst

Soldier: he might be the messiest but he always cleans after finising a mission. After he has done a shower and scrub all that mud and blood from him , he puts a nice pair of pyjamas trousers and hes about to hit the bed when he releases you are on his bed- thats fine you have been together for a while and lowkey he loves to sleep next to you, your heartbeat lulls him-but you are holding onto something. He turns the light in the hallway and opens the door slighlty so he can look but it wont wake you. Its his jacket, the red one he ussualy wears to battle...congratulations, you are now his waifu material. He closes the light and carefully slips on the bed next to you, softly he pulls the jacket off you and snuggle you, he even gives you soft forehead kisses.

Pyro: they never take off their suit, only for bathing and they are sure to always have at least 2 spares in case something happens to the one their wearing.Their suits inside smells like hell, but they change it once the smell gets too much and bathe everyday with special soaps and make sure they wash their suits once everyday other day.So the one time they cant find their spare, they are having a mild panic attack. They are running up and down the base, trying to find it; it cant be gone, when they left for the mission they made sure they had a spare in their closet.They are about to hold Scout on gunpoint to confess but they have an idea, they havent looked at S/Os room. They drop Scoutand go to S/Os room...they see them all cuddled up with their spare...theyknow they should be angry, but they can’t. Their suit is like their skin,and seeing you cuddling it, it makes them sniffle a little. You missed them so much, you took one of their spares and risked to be burned to a crisp by them if they had a bad mindset that day just to be with them.They lock the door behind them and pull of their suit - something they do when you are alone- and gently rock you awake. You smile at them and pull them to lie with you on the bed and they oblige. Que soft make out with they rub circles on your arms and hands.

Engie: its very rare for him to go for missions, but when it happens it happens he guesses. He isnt that exhausted but his back hurts from being crouched all day so some lying down would do him some good. He opens his rooms doo and he yeets the goggles out of his eyes- you aresleeping on his bed wearning his flanel shirt and holding one of his shirts in your chest.He curses himself for not having a polaroid but damn hun, how can you be so damn cute? He undresses as fast and quiet he cans and softly scoots you over a bitso he can cuddle you...he has a funny idea and pulls one of the bundle of the shirts over him. He basically makes himself a lump covered with shirt and trousers. He pinches you so you wake up, look around mumble something and pulling the shirt lump closer you..but wait why is it heavy and why is it warm...you pull your face closer to look at it better and suddently two strong pair of arms come and hold you. You scream and almost jump off the bed but he keeps you there and peppers your face with suprose and swrry kisses.

Demo: after every succesfull mission, its a known fact that Demo gets plastered. So either Heavy or Soldier will yeet him on his bed because they want the sofa for themselves to watch a movie. S/O of course wakes up and holds him in a position where he is least likely to vomit or drool. During his sleep, they get more and more tangled together. He wakes up by a throbbing headacke and try to block the sun with the first thing his hand finds. You stir next to him and bring him some water and painkillers. He glups it down without even openinghis eyes and pulls you down for some more cuddles. Once the painkillers kick in he opens his eye and realises his been using his own shirt asa blindfold, so he throws it away and suprise, he is lying on and is tangled by his own clothes...was he that plastered? but you jus tsaid Heavy yeeted him here, so that means..aww you sweet lil bunny, he is pulling you in for a tight hug and gives you a soft kiss.

Heavy: he isnt that tired, but after so many hours in an airplane his legs hurt so much and no matter of stretches will help. He really needs to lie down. He knocks on the door and waits for a respond, you just mumble a ‘come in’ so he opens the door and steps inside. His heart explodes right here and there. You are the cutest thing he has ever seen in his entire life, all wrapped up in his sweater. He pulls you up and swings a bit, holding you against his chest, You mished old Misha so much you wore his clothes to sleep? Well, now ,from now youll sleep on Mishas chest to never miss him again.

Medic: he is about to collapse,so he does the only logical thing that comes to mind; wash his hands, take off his shoes and pass ou thappily oh his bed with his S/O by his side. He gets all comfy and hes about to spoon when he feels something different on  his S/O, that weirdly feels like one of his medical robes. He has a smug smirk on his face but he is way too tired to do anything silly so he rubs your shoulder and pulls you for a cuddle. You wake up and feel Medic sprawled on the bed next to you-hes a huge  blankethog-so you give him a small kiss and snuggle a bit closer only for him to pounce and get you under him. “ You missed me so much schwatz, now you can wear me too” he gives you small kisses on both the head and the nose.

Sniper: he is no stranger to missions, he always liked extra work- keeps his mind sharp and his aim even sharper, but hed be a liarif he said he didnt miss you...perhaps way more than you think. He even semi-jogs his way to his S/O room, because his heart is pounding so hard he feels its gonna pop out of his chest. His mind is full of insecurities, why the lights are closed, why you arent on the common room? maybe you gotbored of him, maybe you found...the trail of thought chokes him so much he doesnt see you on the bed...but holly molly, he takes of his glasses and desperately tries to find his polaroid in his bag and snap a few pics of you. You are his angel, so pure and wrapped in his trusted rugged flannel shirt. Once hes satisfied he pets your hair and rubs your cheek untill you wake up. Then he lies on top of you and gives you lots of kisses and soft nothings. You kiss him back and just drown in his affection.

Spy: its not uncommon for him to leave for missions here and there, more than the other mercs. He isnt that tired,but he needs a bit of a lying down after a long flight and barely enough nicotine to keep him sane. He leaves the dufflebag on one of his couch in his smoking room and gets in the shower. He wonders where you are, but figures maybe you have some work or you are out for errands or something. Once his done, he puts a new balaclava and hes about to go for a nice nap when he notices you sprawled up with one of his work suits snuggled on your chest. Call him soft, call him an old romantic dilf, but this dilf smiles from ear to ear. You missed him so much, you slept with his suit...he means that much to you? he really wants to wake you up with kisses but he decides to just light a cigarrete and absorb the view. Once hes done, he lies next to you and pulls the shirt away from you, and just wraps his limbs around you and lets you snuggle on his chest. You mumble his name and then just snuggle tighter, yeap his heart has shattered. He gives you a soft kiss on the crown of the headand mumbles some apologises.Please hold him, he is having a small breakdown.

[painfog]

Hey so I saw you mention top surgery and was curious. I was supposed to be having top surgery this summer but that’s postponed. I was curious how that went with chronic pain? I���m scared about the surgical binder with my fibro and back pain. Any advice or info would be greatly appreciated!! (You can answer privately if you prefer)

ive actually been meaning to write up a big post on this pretty much since i had top surgery but still haven't got around to it yet so I'm happy to talk about it lol. ill go over stuff now n still aim to do a more in depth post later when im on my laptop (but writing this now bc i tend to forget everything haha). ill stick to the more fibro / chronic illness specific stuff & stuff i wasnt expecting rather than rehashing everything. apologies im on mobile so i cant put this under a cut

firstly, im sorry ur surgery got postponed! i know that must be gutting, so i hope it gets rescheduled asap & the time until then passes easily for u ❤️

I had double incision with free nipple grafts on the 4th of september 2019 with Mr Miles Berry at the london wellbeck hospital. i think he did an amazing job and can't recommend him enough for his work! i think the last pics i took of my chest were for tdov, and ill rb them after i post this for reference. i didnt have drains at any point of the surgery

for ppl with fibro, i was told that the pain after surgery either tends to trigger a flareup, or be really easily manageable, and it's hard to predict which it will be beforehand. its best to prepare for a flareup and be pleasently surprised if u dont get one. for me, i had a flareup that sucked but wasnt too bad as far as flareups go

you'll probably get given painkillers. take them regularly. it's easier to treat pain preemptively. if u don't get given them (no idea how it works outside of the uk) id say def get codine and paracetamol. u can't take ibuprofen for a while

i woke up from aneasthetic freezing cold + in a lot of pain. apparently most ppl dont need the full dose of morphine, but i did. after that it was a bit better. i was just So Goddamn Hungry literally it's all i was talking about

that night in hospital was probably one of the most uncomfortable in my life. you have to sleep sitting up for like blood reasons, so my back pain was quite bad bc of it. moving around a bit and adjusting pillows helped. if u have anything that normally helps ur back pain bring it with u to the hospital, & dont be afraid to ask the nurses for help with it (even if they can just adjust ur pillows for u). i couldnt rly sleep much but distraction helps. bring ur phone + headphones. i did a few ask memes when i couldnt sleep

the first week from surgery was rly tough, the first few days especially. this was bc i still had to sleep elevated for a few days and i couldnt get comfortable. i was too exhausted to do anything but couldn't sleep and it rly started to get me down. then i got some sleeping tablets (just nytol) and that helped so much. i literally cannot recommend it enough bc the not sleeping properly made everything hard (and like esp because with fibro the whole pain/fatigue/depression cycle is so real). once i started sleeping better recovery became a lot easier, and the tablets made the awkward sleeping positions more manageable. if i had to give only one bit of advice this would be it

on that note, ik everyone says this but do get a V pillow. it helps u adjust to sleeping on ur back and if u sleep on ur side normally it means u can like lean slightly sideways on it which makes it sm easier. also this isn't even top related but they make good back pillows when ur watching stuff in bed even now

get urself some video games (if ur into them) and easy entertainment shows lined up for when u wanna have them. recovering from major surgery makes ur fatigue even more pronounced so ur not going to be able to do all that much, but having light entertainment ready to go stops u getting as bored. its also a good excuse to finally play/watch the things you've been meaning to for a while

go outside when u can. if u have a garden just walk around it. it helps with a lot of stuff, and idk about u but i always forget how much it does. even just helping u sleep better if u get trapped in a fibro fatigued-but-can't-sleep cycle. and it goes so far helping u feel human in the first week

the first week is rly hard for a lot of ppl - its frustrating to have all that pain and exhaustion and not being able to wash or change the binder, and with the swelling and bandages under the binder it doesn't really feel like there's much change, which all sort of adds together. i keep going on about this week bc it helps to mentally prepare for it - there's no need to dread it, you just need to remind urself how worth it itll all be and that the rest of recovery is a lot better than the first part, and in time it won't have seemed that bad. big picture stuff

when u get the chest reveal, everything's better. i didnt stop smiling. and when u put the post op binder on afterwards, without all the bandaging, u like feel for the first time how much flatter u are??? and its amazing. even with the swelling. and then u get to shower and u feel human again and its great. (ik some ppl have their post ops/chest reveals much earlier than a week, but 5 days to a week is pretty standard in the uk. mine was 6 days i think)

more post op binder stuff: i got given 2. the first one i woke up in after the surgery and wasn't allowed to take off until my post op, and the second one i got given at my post op to change into after i showered. After that i alternated every few days. whatever u get given, if u get less than 2 i recommend getting another one so u can alternate them (if u want help sourcing them hmu. ive also still got mine i need to give away)

the post op binders were actually a lot easier to wear full time than normal binders. they were like more stretchy, and stretchy the full way round (bc they dont have the compression bit at the front). i used to sleep in my normal binder every time i slept with my ex, and that hurt like a motherfuck sometimes. the post op binder was much kinder to my ribs

i had to wear the post op binder full time, taking it off like once a day to shower n let my chest breathe (and massage my scars once i started that). some surgeons arent that strict abt wearing it that long, but it really helps swelling, & bc i didnt have drains it was rly important to stop fluid buildup. ik quite a few guys in my trans groups who stopped wearing their binder fairly early and then got quite a lot of swelling so i didn't want to risk it & i wore it for the full 6 weeks. at some point (icr when but maybe at 6 weeks? bc my post op was at 8 weeks bc he was on holiday) i didnt wear it during the day and only wore it at night

all in all the binder didnt bother me that much. it was more comfortable than my regular binders and i just kinda got on with it. it was annoying tho and i was glad when i could stop wearing it. for me the most annoying part was that it was a full length binder (i always wore half length before) and the riding up at the hips was rly irritating. i actually quite liked sleeping with it tho it was a pretty nice pressure stim ahah

some post op binders r more comfortable than others. if u have to buy ur own, i rly suggest going with a proper surgical one (they arent too hard to find second hand for free or cheap, again im happy to help here) bc they're kinder to chronic pain. i know that having a comfortable post op binder made it all a lot easier for me. there are also lots of alternatives w lots of price ranges tho, so that's not ur only option

ok i think thats everything right now! sorry its so long, but let me know if u have any questions!!

finally: before i got top ppl told me that its honestly life changing, and i didnt realise how true that would be. literally every single aspect of my life is at least partially better because of it, and most of them drastically so. I'm really excited for you to get that for yourself, and im wishing u all the best for it 💕

[bastardofthedownfall]

Heaven And Paradise |

warning! this series will deal with eating disorder, mental ilmness, homophobia, substance abuse and more that i cannot think of as of now.

ps: this series will have celeberties and bandmembers in who have changed my life for the better.

series playlist: heaven and paradise

---------------------

fear number 1: afraid to o.d

We have our own fears, heres couple of mine. firstly, im afraid to overdose. im so hooked on the pills. So here I am, high of my arse in a bathroom, sitting in a bathtub, high on xanax and painkillers and various of alcoholic drinks. Im away with my toughts in the space, ive grown wings when it hits me. I might overdose. right here at this party. this isnt the way i want to go out. I climb out the tub and over to the sink, turning on the tab and gulping down water before showing my fingers down my troath. After being sure my stomach is empty I gulp down more water. I turn off the sink and stare at my reflection, my skin in paler, my eyes are sunken in, my dark racoon eye makeup isnt reducing that look either. My hair is greasy and tangled. I dont care, I just dont want to o.d. I sit against the tub and stare at the wall. What am i doing? im at a party i shouldnt be at. Im wearing my exes dress at another exes party. When did this happen to me. Since when did i start ging to parties just to get high and wasted, not to have fun or meet my friends, just to get high.  I dont even like parties, I hate crowds, I hate majority of people, my friends are on the other side of the world.

Im in La.

Im in La.

Im in fucking Los Angeles.

 Why am I here, why couldnt i stay in Sweden. Why couldnt I stay there. Why am I here, nobody asked me to come here, I just did, I just packed two bags and got a flight here and now im here, barely surviving. I cant call my mother, nor my father. I cursed them out before leaving. Hardly belive they want me back. The door opened. He walked in, my friend, he wasnt really a friend, just someone I talked to. “Thought I would find you here.” He sits next to me. “I dont understand you. I really dont.” “Gongrats, Colson. Youre not the first one not to understand me.” He sighed and faced me. “Whats going on in your mind, I heard you throw up. Youre not even hiding it anymore.” “I wasnt purging, I was getting rid of pills and alcohol.” I close my eyes and lean against his shoulder.

“You still have the problem with the first one. So tell me. Whats going on in your mind. Youre thinking about your past?” “My addiction, I hate it, Colson.” I reply, following with a sigh. “Yet youre not intrested in getting better, you just let it consumne your body, soul and mind,. You need help” “You think I dont know that, Plus who do i have to recover for? myself?” I let out a pittiful laugh twoards myself “Maybe, who else? You?” I open my eyes and look at him. “You can try and recover for me. But no one can force you, If you dont want to get better”

“You arent someone I would try to recover for. I would have to try and recover for myself, at best.” I shrugged and started to pick the scab on my knee. He sighed, he knew I wouldnt try. He knew I wasnt intrested, but he wanted me to be intrested.  “Come on,” he got up “were going to drive around.”  “What?” He pulled me up from the ground.

“Were going to drive around, were finding a beach and were gonna lay in the sand, and no working out. I hate to see what you do to your body.” he sighs “Do you have any more pills on you?” I look at him and sigh taking out the pill bottle from my hoodie pocket, handing it to him. We stood in the bathroom until I pulled him into a hug. He was right, If I didnt want help they cant force me. Im an adult. We got to the beach, god. Its so quiet here. We sat down in the sand and stared at the waves,. Colson knew what it was like to struggle with an addiction, he knew it was tough and hard to get out of.  Yet I was lucky, I was lucky to have a friend like Colson, but mainly. I was lucky I was still alive and not dead in that bathtub.

cause the idea of overdosing scares me more than other things.

I dont want to die, I want to live and see the world and go on adventures but im stuck. I dont want to be stuck anymore.

---------------------------------------------------- Taglist:

@stellarboystyles​

@oopsiedoopsie23​

[anxietysroomsupport]

I'm on my period and it fuckifng. Hurts so bad. I feel neaseus and so fuckign shitty and my stomach hurts so fuckign much. Tw suicide mention. I want to fuckign kill myself bc of how bad it hurts. It hurts so much and the pills arent helping and I just have to fucking sit here and wait for it to subside a little until it starts again. This is probably the worst it has hurt. And then I cant put on my fucking binder bc it makes me feels worse but I'm feeling so dysphoric and this all fuckign sucks

Hiya anon,

That sounds awful, and I’m so sorry your body’s putting you through all of that. Periods are the worst. If you have a hot water bottle, you can try wrapping it in a tea towel and putting it on your stomach, as heat usually helps soothe cramps. Some people find that hot showers/baths can also help for the same reason.

Some studies have shown that ginger has natural pain-relieving properties, so if you live with anyone willing to make you ginger tea, then that might help soothe the cramps a bit.

I know one of the last things you want to do is move, but some people find that exercise helps with cramps. I totally get if you can’t bring yourself to, I couldn’t bring myself to try it yesterday either, but if you’re willing to give it a shot, having a walk around or trying yoga poses does seem to help others.

If you’re sitting down and the pain is only worsening or won’t ease, sometimes shifting into another position might help. You can try lying down on your back, or hunching over, or lying on your front etc. It looks slightly ridiculous, sure, but I personally find that this position helps:

I know it’s a whole lot easier said than done, but try and find something to distract yourself with. Play loud angsty music, or put on your favourite movie and try and quote the words, or play a video game. I know it’s not going to stop you thinking about the pain, but trying to focus on something else can help you relax a bit.

If the pain is so severe that painkillers aren’t working, talk to a doctor. They might be able to prescribe you stronger painkillers or something to stop the period.

Having a period does not make your gender any less valid. If you can’t bind, try wearing loose, comfy clothes, and maybe spritz some cologne if you have some. There’s also a page about dysphoria during periods here.

I hope the pain eases soon. Xxx

Love~ Clover

[sequitury-of-state]

time to play: spot the fallacy

5 is greater than 0 10 is greater than 0 10 is greater than 5 therefore 5 is approximately equal to 0

paraphrased:

you have a headache, and painkillers arent helping. i have had a migraine all day, and always have high tolerance to painkillers. my pain is greater than yours. therefore youre not allowed to feel as upset as you want to.

fallacy:

just because 10 is greater than 5, that does not mean that 5 is not greater than 0

example:

children starving in africa dont make me want to eat food i dont like or want, nor to be not hungry when i am. its just depressing. me eating or not eating this food has no chance of helping other starving children to have food to eat. if anything, i would box this food up and send it to them if i could, but that would do them no good either. with a nutritious meal in me, though, i would be able to volunteer or perform work to send supplies or money to a good charity, thus enabling us all to come out better for it.

[numbrellafive]

headcanons about eddie getting shitfaced at a party and richie taking care of him??? also maybe richie and eddie arent dating yet >:)

Wowie, 1k of us is quite a lot isn’t it, thank you so much for putting up with my bullshit content

This probably isn’t what you wanted and I’m sorry but I had a nice time writing these (sorry for any typos it’s been a long day)

- In this they aren’t dating yet but I guess it doesn’t really matter if they are or aren’t (the Headcanons work either way)

- okay so the first time Richie convinced Eddie to drink was meant to be ‘just an experiment’

- Richie just wanted to see how his beloved Eddie spaghetti would act drunk

- He expected him to just be hyper aware and cautious of everything, like an amplified version of his usual self

- boi was Richie in for a shock

- So the losers got invited to a college party (they cool in college)

- and of course Richie sees his chance to get Eddie drunk, he had it all planned out

- however by the time he gets there, Eddie is with a small group of people Richie doesn’t know and he’s already very intoxicated

- Eddie spots him at the door and instantly, points at him and yells ‘LOOK, THATS MY BOYFRIEND’

- Richie already knows he’s in for a hell of a night

- He’s also the loser’s dedicated driver for the night, he and Bill are the only ones with a car and Bill was on a mission to get drunk

- Eddie runs over to him, wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck and pulls him down to kiss his cheek

- Richie instinctively puts a hand on the small of Eddie’s back to balance him as he crashes into him

- 'Hey Eds, having fun?’

- Eddie just squishes his face against Richie’s and hums agreement

- They hang around and talk to everyone for a few hours but Richie honestly isn’t feeling it

- so he drags Eddie outside, past the patio and into the massive garden

- He finds a nice bench just past a few bushes and decides that’s where they’ll sit

- Eddie pretty much turns into an octopus at that point, one arm around Richie’s neck and the other around his waist whilst his face pressed against his neck

- Richie thought it was adorable

- From the distance, they can hear people back in the house laughing which for some reason makes Eddie burst out laughing too

- his head falling from Richie’s neck to rest in his lap, gazing up at Richie as his laugh calms to a giggle

- 'You’re something else, spaghetti man’

- 'Fuck did you just call me, bitch! Don’t use that language’

- This causes Eddie to start telling/yelling at Richie about everything

- Eddie takes Richie’s hand and starts playing with his fingers as his continues his barley understandable ranting

- Richie just watches and tries to listen to him with adoration

- eventually Eddie stops mid sentence and looks at Richie as if he’d grown another head

- WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD!’

- 'What’s wrong Eddie?!’

- Eddie takes a rough handful of Richie’s hair, bringing Richie down towards him and starts messing with the dark curls

- 'Where the heck did you learn to get hair like this’

- Richie’s decides to mess with him

- 'Eddie, you’ll never believe this but I grew it all by myself’

- 'Really?! That’s wild!’

- Eventually Eddie pulls Richie down even closer and wraps his arms around his neck whilst burying his face into Richie’s hair

- He knows sober Eddie would never do this in such a public place so he enjoys the moments as much as he can

- eventually he feels Eddie start to kiss his neck and just melts into the moment

- because honestly, this is Richie’s fantasies right here

- He’s just so relaxed and what Eddie is doing just feels so good

- Eddie pulls away with a cute smirk on his face

- 'Woopsie’

- 'Fucking vampire is what you are, Eds’

- They continue like that for a while, Richie ended up with his shirt being stretched down and marks covering his neck and collarbones

- however, all good things must come to an end and this beautiful moment ended with Eddie getting a headache

- 'Oh my fuck, I think my brain is gonna explode’

- So Richie decides to call it a night, he collects the losers one by one

- or in Stan and Bills case, two at a time, as they refused to let go of each other for even a second

- He makes sure they all get back home safely, Stan deciding to stay with Bill

- 'You can’t leave me billiam, not like this!!’

- Richie takes Eddie home with him, with Eddie still complaining about his headache and Richie knowing Mrs K won’t be happy about the current state of son

- so Richie wrestles Eddie into his bedroom , with Eddie clinging to him and his hair

- He’s surprised when Eddie actually changes into the sweats and tshirt he throws at him

- He tucks Eddie into his bed and hops in next to him

- He puts one hand in Eddie’s hair and the other around his waist as Eddie grabs his face and cuddles his head against his chest

- the next morning Eddie’s headache is so much worse and he just cuddles Richie closer in attempts to ease his pain

- This obviously wakes Richie up and he out of bed fetching painkillers before Eddie can even complain at the lack of warmth

- On his way back, Eddie notices the array of purple and blue marks on his neck

- Eddie is kinda angry because how dare Richie let someone else give him hickies whilst he’s drunk

- 'Who the FUCK gave you those?! I am ready to fight whoever it was’

- 'You’ll be fighting yourself then’

- Eddie just blushes and accepts the painkillers

- he doesn’t know if he’s happy or really upset that he doesn’t remember last night

Add more because I love this concept - xo

[mejomonster]

Going to take ibuprofen to see if it lowers bloating

[damnit-kid]

So remember when I told you my grandmother TOLD (not asked) my mother that she was coming down to stay for two weeks? And I tried to explain why i was so mad aftee 30 minutes in the car with her? But I couldnt accurately describe why she was batshit crazy?

Well, ive got a story for you.

Do not re b lo g plz

Preface this with a recap, my moms mom is the crazy extremist kind of catholic. Had a fit when my mom got her tubes tied. doesnt really accept that my mom has been remarried for over ten years because they didnt get married by a catholic priest in a catholic church. Horrified when she heard I was on birthcontrol. When i joked with my sister that abusive lesbian relationships are not okay (a joke because the friend that bruised her was not abusive nor are either of them lesbians) my grandmother was openly upset about the prospect of lesbians, not abusive relation ships. She doesnt care about abuse because she abused her children. Played favourites with her grandkids and refused to meet the basic needs of those that werent her acting favourite at the time. Shes undiagnosed with several mental health illnesses (not conjecture, ocd is one, shes a hoarder, and my mom is also mildly ocd. So am i in different ways. My wife is severly but has recieved treatment. I know a thing or two.)

The list goes on.

So, My mother, who was always her least favourite, has always had minimal contact with her and has always maintained an obvious but tempered hate for her. But over the last three years her behavior has gotten steadily worse to the point that my aunt now also refused to have more than bare minimal contact and also doesnt let her interact with my cousins anymore.

Okay, to the beef of my family drama. My grandmother came down, they tolerated her presence for a week, and then tried to politely tell her she needed to leave. She agrees then changed her mind the next day. That was last weekend. In the mean time my grandmother thinks she has the run of the house.

So yesterday as Im working i get a text and we have the exchange above.

The story behind this text is, my mother had/has a couple of medical conditions that cause her a lot of pain, so she took some painkillers and went to lay down.

My crazy grandmother decided thats the time to come in and tell her that my mom, in fact, has no carpel tunnel pain or any other pain for any other reason than the (treated! Shes fine!) cyst she had in her head. She goes on about how it has changed my mothers entire personality.

And how IN FACT my mother DIDNT have a cyst (that go treated!) in the first place. She is actually just possessed by satan! She needs an excorcism, and my grandmother starts praying and some shit.

They have a big arguement where many things were said (including i fucking hate you because reasons) and ends with my mom telling her she needs to leave– but oh no! My grandmother will do no such thing! Shes gonna stay for another MONTH! Of course my mother says, hell fuck no, you arent staying here, get a hotel room. But my grandmother will absolutely do no such thing!

So my mom resorts to LITTERALLY trying to drag her out of the house. That fails, my mom is tiny and has carpel tunnel in both hands. So instead my mom resorts to throwing my grandmothers stuff at her and then throwing it outside.

So my grandmother ends up outside, and my mom locks the door. My grandmother yells from outside, DONT WORRY WHEN SATAN FINALLY LEAVES YOU ILL BE WAITING FOR YOU IN PURGATORY!! And also starts talking to all the neighbors and anyone who passed by.

I told my mom, hold on! My wife and I will come make out in her front lawn after work. Mom laughs and says please do!

Well, anyway, my grandmother disappeared with all her stuff and later sent a text message saying she is going to live at the airport until her departure on sunday.

we did not get to make out on the front lawn. And today we are going to help my mom clean up the mess my grandmother left and also design club cards.