#my other friend texts me just now
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idk what it says about me when my first response to someone hurting me is immediate apathy but. it is what it is
#i have been nagging my friends both irl and in our gc#to let me know if theyre coming to the tattoo convention tomorrow#they ALL know how badly i wanted to go since this is the first year ill be able to#and only two people replied yes or no in our gc#the rest didnt even bother and i brought it up so manh fucking times#then yesterday was the bday of one of those friends#found it odd he never said anything about a bday party but maybe he wasnt up#for it so nbd!#my other friend texts me just now#to INVITE me to his party thats in a few hours bc! he forgot to invite me!#he remembered to invite EVERYONE else in our gc including random other people#but forgot me :) who he says is 'a good friend' and keeps asking me for medical advice and favors#i told my friend i cant make it and she said 'hes sad about that'#i replied i dont care lol#but not in a 'im mad but petty' kinda way i just. really dont care rn#i do a little since im posting this obviouslg#but also this just made me. lose any care i had for this person?#i know i can become very cold and mean if im hurt#and right now i feel. nothing towards this guy whose supposed to be my friend#this became my defense mechanism the past year when im hurt#i just stop caring and idk if its the medical field#that changed me into this but. idc ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#delete later#just had to vent for a sec bc i dont wanna tell my friend all of this#the last thing i wanna do is put a common friend in the middle of all of this#ah well
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mfs will experience one brief moment of joy & crash even harder immediately after
#in case youre not keeping up w the fuckfest that is my life my friends came over to check on me today bc i havent been answering texts &#so forth. they just left & i love them very much & i had a great time but now i feel worse somehow lol#idk maybe its the knowledge that in some other world i could have been alright. but this isnt it#or whatever maybe i just enjoy doing this to myself#gonna finish this bottle of wine#dante.txt
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I choose to believe my girl crush is flirting with me by saying this
#I need to stop sharing ppl’s texts but does this not mean she wants to make out w me#I’m taking a break from the white boy RA bc he hasn’t made any plans w me and also bc I think#The other RA who’s also my friend has a major crush on him#Like she kept saying how we should let her know whenever we have another study date so she can join#So now I’m scared#But he doesn’t seem like he’s that into her#Like we all chilled together on Friday while I was doing data entry#And she told me he swung by just to check if I’m there#And then when I texted that I was there he came by#And he kept looking at me#So idk#but I’m also glad I’m in touch w my girl crush again bc she’s so nice
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Ow oof ouch my feelings (did extensive research and editing on a long-term project for someone with whom I've collaborated closely for years and am not even in the acknowledgements, although I know what academia is like and didn't expect to be in the first place) (it's not a personal slight but still ow oof ouch my feelings and ow oof ouch all my uncredited work lol)
#Ow my pride ow my sense of professional Something but mostly just ow my feelings#The reaction is first and foremost adolescent and I will acknowledge that lol#My feelings hort#Reading the acknowledgements like did our situationship (me editing this book) mean nothing lmfaoooooo#Honestly it horts my feelings because I have now had other experience with personal/professional relationships#Where I do research or editing or translation for friends#And they do like. Credit me for my work lol#Feelings!!! Hurt!!! Bad!!!!#Book still very good though!!!!!!#Gotta send a congrats text like for real the book is great I'm just a histrionic baby lol#[No Bless Yous For Giacomo voice] No Editing Credits For Raya?!
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enterprise text posts: featuring trip (and friends) in Situations
#*meme voice* its because they're always in those damn situations#star trek enterprise#star trek#enterprise text posts#trip tucker#doctor phlox#t'pol#travis mayweather#malcolm reed#hoshi sato#jonathan archer#this was originally *just* trip focused but i kept finding ones that fit other people in proximity to him so now we're here.#with a trip (and friends) theme. just- roll with it please.#anyway. he's not like other girls!!!!! he doesn't die when he's killed!!!!!!!#i quote the bug in the tent scene at least once a week. i see a weird bug in my house i say ARE WE ALLOWED TO STUN ALIEN LIFE FORMS??#the poor little meow meow one...... forgive me.#injury tw#blood tw
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(╥﹏╥)
#We've had our yearly secret santa gifts exchange at my dorm and I've been gifted the first volume of Beast 😭😭😭😭😭#I'm crying forever. This december marks three years since I've watched the first b/sd episode#and yet this is the first time I actually own a b/sd manga volume. Like I own it and I can read it whenever I want!!! How cool is that!!!!!#Like there's so many Akutagawa images in it!!!! It's insane!!!!!!!! AND IT'S BEAST AT THAT#I'm deeply moved because I never spoke about it to virtually anyone here (at my dorm)?#Like I suppose a bunch of people vaguely know I like anime but only a couple of close friends know I like. Like-like reading manga lol.#And the person who gifted it DEFINITELY didn't know I like anime in general much less b/sd specifically much less Beast in particular!!!!!#I'm 100% sure (they just arrived this year and we hadn't even had that much occasions to talk to each other).#Which means they went through the trouble of gathering intel from my close friends about what I like and actually follow through‚#seek for the specific manga in a comic store etc... It's such a nice gesture I'm so heartwarmed.#And of course I'm glad for every gift I've received in the last years (genuinely)‚ but the fact that this was the most *specific* to what–#I like. It makes it so special! They were so kind.#There must be one (1) person in this whole 60 people dorm who knows I like Beast–#(that would be the girl who introduced b/sd to me in the first place) and the fact that they asked them for it...#I feel both very grateful and lucky lol#When I unwrapped it!!! Like I thought it was just a random book which would have been nice but like!!!!!#When I actually saw through the thin paper the cover!!!! The scream I screamed in my head#Anyways!!!! I own a b/sd manga now!!!!! I've only got time to go through the first chapter so far but it's suchhhh an experience.#It's like reading it for the first time again 😭😭😭 Half because the translation is so much different than the English one lol.#And I basically know the English version by heart. Half because I never saw this kind of high quality!!!!! It's!!!!! Insane!!!!! Like!!!!!!#I'm crying 😭😭😭 The drawings are so sharp and crisp (in the good way). The lines are so clean there's no disturbance at all#I literally never saw anything so good in my life I'm crying a little. I'm so so glad they blessed me with Beast specifically#The takebon edition is pretty cheap (it's just planet manga so there's no color illustrations or dust cover or anything unfortunatelly.#But to make up for it the volumes are significantly cheaper then let's say J-Pop)#There's also some unique typesetting choices? The text from the book-like boxes is in lowercase which is interesting!#Initially I thought I wouldn't have liked the translation (opening it randomly there was Akutagawa saying “crepa!” (“die!”) to Dazai in ch1#Which was kinda jarring since it's very low register and everyone knows Akutagawa has very complex speech patterns.)#But actually reading it I'm really enjoying the translation so far!!!!#There's so many choices that made me grasp details I actually missed all the times I've read the English translation.#That is to say! Very excited to read it!!!! Will probably make a review / translation commentary if I can find the time!!!!!
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i'm actually not a lesbian yes the concept of heterosexual sex disgusts me on paper but it appeals to me with a few select men. and that's how i've always felt but the lesbian masterdoc which was written by a girl who turned out to be bi got me. and a lot of other bi women with a preference for women. it's crazy to have that much influence when you think about it
#i know how that sounds. but i want him BAD#yes it's the him i've been talking about i know i said i didn't think he was attractive like two weeks ago. but i happen to be very#attracted to him. these days#i actually am stealing that girl's man i'm sorry#when we're married like a week from now it's gonna be SOOOO HARD having to keep the fact that she likes him a secret because her being#jealous that we seemed to like each other is what made me go wait. DO WE?#i can tell him she thought he liked me and i liked him i'll just keep the part about her liking him out of the story#i've actually been thinking this for like two months not even because of this guy because the inconsequential crush i mentioned a few weeks#ago on someone i'm only seeing for three weeks from now until june was on a guy. and also other things#anyway. i think the concept of being bi and not wanting to date men needs to like be more mainstream i've seen the girls 'struggle with#comphet' and the comphet was literally an average crush on a man. lmao. like it's fine to not want to date men even if you're not incapable#of being into one#anyway. when i say i'm stealing this girl's man i'm obviously kidding it's just what i said in one of my posts. they're friends and he and#i are friends she and i are friendly but aren't friends she's kind of friends with my new bff but like not really since she told me her#secret that she has a crush on *guy*. what i mean is it's ethical she and i aren't friends. we've never texted that's the bare#minimum for being friends. but only in the broadest sense of the word (rory season 1 episode 9 rory's dance)#and like i say: brf slt
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Can’t believe some of my friends are married like first of all ur still 12 wdym by that. My friend just texted “sorry for the late response my husband has been sick all day”
HUSBAND????????????????
This boy used to be your lab partner that never did his share what happened to that what happened to the original plot how did we get here???
#riv rambles#it used to be#‘sorry I couldn’t text back my assbole lab partner didn’t do his part so I had to do it myself’#and now he’s keeping you busy and he’s not ur lab partner anymore#somehow that just doesn’t seem fair ☹️#another friend the other day was like#my husband and my dad are at Lowe’s to get stuff for my kitchen#this used to be the man u hid from ur father and now they’re casually shopping at Lowe’s together????????#don’t play with me
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creation of adam but it's this photo of me handing scott the martini before his buddy cole set in the KITH toronto show
#just now i was feeling shitty and scrolling through youtube until i saw someone had posted a clip of the buddy monologue from that show#and the clip just happened to include my cameo!! so i may be just sitting in my childhood bedroom still unpacking from college at 2am#but on my phone is the image of me sharing the stage with my favorite comedian in front of over a thousand people#so y'know life isn't always one thing. i'm capable of being bored and stressed but also capable of THIS#i wanted to comment on the video to say hi but the original uploader's comments were off#but this did make me feel a lot better bc oh my god that was such a fun weekend#i should text scott soon to let him know i'm done with college. and see if i can make new year's a tradition again#i met scott on new years (and even tho i'd talked to bellini before it was also the day we met irl for the first time)#and last year i managed to convince paul to invite me and scott and some other friends over for new years bc i wanted it to be a tradition#not sure if paul's up for it this year but i did ask scott about it last time i was in toronto#when i asked his plans for new years he said he might be out of town (which is okay)#but then when i explained it was the anniversary of when we first met he was like ''no actually i'll be here'' which was funny#my friendships with bruce and paul are generally in a similar place to where we were at the beginning of the year#(like obviously knowing each other longer makes us closer but our dynamic hasn't changed which is still positive bc we were already friends#but holy shit december 2023 jessamine and scott are like unrecognizable compared to december 2024 jessamine and scott#and the fact that we technically haven't even known each other for two years is WILD like it won't be two years until the 31st#anyway i'm getting rambly i'm tired i should sleep. my circadian rhythm is messed up and the lighting problems in my room are not helping#goodnight everyone see you tomorrow for more nonsense
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Not too bad a day at the office yesterday--helps that we can use our patio in nice weather again 😌--leading into a decent arm day workout 💪🏽 (despite how long it took to get a bench for chest press work 😩)
#ore no kao#was a bit sneaky with a guy or two nearby in the locker room lol#also ffffuck saw my big gym crush two nights in a row and both times we noticed each other more (and pretty sure he made me blush yday lol)#and we still haven't gotten to talk 😩#[or more i still havent gotten out of my head to say something hoping he would first lol]#(*made me blush Tues since i was t9o tired to post this last night lol)#maybe i'll take my coworker's advice and just find myself working out near him with weight needing a spot... 🤔#it hit me last night we've eyed each other here/there for 3-4 months already 😳#[i shouldnt be as shy about trying to talk with him since i literally just had my friend over again on sat for some fun lol but 😩]#i feel like we should've still texted a bit more by now though but he does seem to not be a texter or indeed too busy... hm
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I should probably get into the swing of ending my “I literally will barely follow anyone” embargo and bother following more people. All I got are dead blogs and the dead sideblogs of those same folk. Though, unfortunately I have too many preferences/limits and the idea of having a dashboard consisting of more than half of it’s posts being filtered doesn’t appeal to me. Amongst other little things.
But at the same time due to my shifting around when searching for junk, my “for you” dash has been almost exclusively from a single blog that I do not browse nor follow simply cuz blud’s all up in the general tags all the time and whose takes make me wanna explode.
#cozy texts#Probably should just block them though. …mmfgh but technically they didnt DO anything I Just go like this >:( seeing it on my dash.#Then shake my fist at a cloud.#And idk if it’s just me but it feels like the definition of ‘mutual’ has changed or something.#As far as I was last aware it was just two users following each other#And not much deeper than that.#Tho nowadays it seems to have become synonymous with friends. Idk. I mean there was overlap years ago. But now it feels way different.#OR I’m just jaded.#THAT and for some reason these days following has rules now. It used to just!! BE!
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nah cuz I would pass away if someone asked me if I was into them 😭 but CONGRATS ON GETTING THE DATE!! I hate to say we told you so, but we definitely told you so 😌💅
Bro I literally short circuited lmaoooo like it was not cute and I almost died fr. But yeah, date secured ahskaksk y'all were right 😭 it still feels so surreal lmao I'm still vibrating about it
#not snz#like what do you mean it doesn't have to be a hopeless crush forever ahdkaksk#I'm so scared I'm gonna fuck it all up ahskkaksls#like I've never dated anyone and the most I've ever done is peck a couple friends on the lips bc we were thirteen and curious 😭#idk how to do any of the relationship stuff like where tf is the instruction manual#and i know damn well this guy has dated people and i have to assume he's got a body count#which is fine obviously but i have no experience here like I'm completely out of my element 😭#idk like maybe I'm way overthinking it but I'm still like 😩#need to circle back to the concerns bit of the conversation bc i have several now lmao#like i feel like they're concerns for (hopefully) way later down the line#but i don't wanna be months into this and then realize that we're incompatible for one reason or another#like i need all the potential deal breakers laid out now so neither of us waste our damn time ahsksjksdk#i guess i can bring it up on Saturday 😭#it should be an in person conversation i just know I'm gonna be so fucking awkward 😭#hopefully that's part of my charm to him bc he seems to like all the other things about me that i don't particularly like myself LMAO#anyway on a completely different note#wtf do cishet men even like ahdkakskak like can i send him cute little wholesome memes or is that weird#I'm too gay for this shit lmao why would i do this to myself#like do i get to send him sweet little texts or do they not like that kinda thing#i wanna romance him i just don't know how ahdkkakss maybe I'll bake him something idk#I'll sleep on it i guess lmao#partner posting
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You must be so freaking pumped rn. The writers are considering making Whistlepaw a POV!!!
I am away from Tumblr for ONE NIGHT, one night where I'm going to a play with some friends and they post it THEN.
My god this is terrible for my heart, they are going to kill me eventually with this. Yes I Am Hyped.
Also, @vulturequills' drawing of my design of Whis is in this article. They Know About Me Lol.
#asks#Also sorry for no Whis I forgot to prepare it and the night got me busy tank#The next few days might also get a bit wild because I've got a big drawing I want to draw and I'm going to begin on that thing soon#And trust me I will be focussing on that. Sorry but the Whisses might just be on the sketch because I'm doing that drawing#The amount of Whis art that is literally just Frostwhistle unless it's a daily Whis is also Really Funny to me#They've also kot taken a single daily Whis despite there being MANY to choose from#I've got Whis with family. Mentors. Other cats. Doing silly things#But They don't want to Openly Aknowledge my existence or something I Don't Know#They are driving me mad tho. I literally just sent a wall of text to a friend about this. She is also into warrior cats#But only the Dutch translations so she's still stuck in Avos (hasn't even read those yet) so I can't give her the Full Infordump#But I did have to tell her that the writers of those books we both read Know I Exist#I do have to admit I hope they're A Bit Intimidated by those three years (and going!) of Whis#This post does give me a fucking MASSIVE boost to not give up#I was maybe going to finish at Ivypool's heart BUT NOW I'M KEEPING ON GOING UNTIL THAT SE SHOWS UP
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I am going to CRY. of JOY/hj
#it feels like recently just generally#i've been treated a lot kinder than usual#even before today#my friend hugged me and let me talk about my interests and drew a character of mine#my mum got me a brownie (sorry sis if you see this--)#i chatted with a really nice moot at like midnight#and now when i'm not feeling great i get a RUSH of positivity from ye#idk if its just because my post coincidentally hit all ur dashboards or something but#i love you all. so so much.#it's not something i tell people irl enough. i should try to more. even if its over text or once a week.#i may be affectionate with ye online but irl not so much lol#i guess it just. makes me nervous of what others think. being affectionate to your friends with hugs and i love yous.#sorry for the rant hsshdbcejcjjed#talking
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the consequences of my actions are upon me
#AUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH#<- hasnt been keeping in touch at all with old friends from highschool and now theyre all upset at me and mass DMing me#like#i don't even know what to say#it is my fault and my bad lol augh. just#i don't know#it's complicated#i don't know what to tell them half the time anymore and i should be putting the effort to keep the relationships but#man. i don't know. lol there is no excuse i am just really bad at texting it's not the same since we don't see each other every day anymore#... and one of said friends is the type of friend that always has some negative remark disguised as a joke to say to you#and i don't feel like putting up with that either anymore. but again. ITS A ME PROBLEM 😭#because i havent cut them off or anything. and i don't want to#i just let it linger#also the fact that i moved away i don't know. i straight up cannot see them in person anymore to catch up#so it's all through text#man#i don't know. i seriously think i was born to be a monk lost in the mountains or something#i think it all started because i was not able to go to college immediately after graduating#so i hid in shame from everyone and now i am used to not talking to anybody that knew me back then#out of fear of being judged for being a ''loser''
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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