#my only other option is to literally be there to “help” and just get attacked? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kairoot · 1 year ago

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OMGG the hickey prank hcs were so funny bge 😭😭😭 adding onto that anon,,,, u should do another tiktok prank thing with enha :0 like maybe the “hide my bfs here” or like a breakup prank, it’s up to u!!!!

“hide my bfs here” w. enha ₊˚★﹟

genre: fluff, crack

warnings: none really, jokes

requested: yes!

pairing: enha x gn!reader

author’s note: i will be doing both pranks (hide my bfs here & breakup prank) because i think they’re both so funny. the break up prank will be a separate post so be on the look out! also, once again, thank u guys so much for the feedback im glad my writing doesn’t suck as much as i thought it did and ppl actually enjoy it 😭🤍

ss ➜ “hide my bfs here” prank on enhypen

heeseung ˚⋆ ✦

probably ponders on it

like wait what..

no like he’ll sit there for a good minute 😭

and then be like “wait im your..”

poor baby, give him a few moments

you and heeseung sat in your shared bedroom while he gamed. you were on the bed, waiting to catch him off guard.

he would talk to you whenever his friends would step away from their mic for a bit and then get back to talking with them so his attention on you was like 50-50. he was paying attention, but not enough to know the prank you were about to pull on him.

“hee,” you called his name, loud enough for him to hear.

he finished what he was saying to one of his friends and glanced back at you, “yeah, baby? what’s up?”

“you gotta hide, my bfs here.” you said in an urgent voice, causing him to halt his actions on his game. he sat in his chair, taking in what you said.

“but i’m your..-“ his thinking was cut short by your laughter. he realized what you were doing and only smiled before resuming his game.

“that’s embarrassing.”

jay ˚⋆ ✦

just might tell you to stfu 💀

nah but he’ll definitely look at you like “literally what are you talking about”

can only ignore you at that point

does not think you’re funny 🗣️‼️

you stood in the kitchen, talking with jay while he made dinner. he was talking about his day until you turned your camera in and interrupted him.

jumping off of the countertop, you hurriedly grab jay’s arm. “jay, hide! my boyfriends’ here!”

he dropped the knife he was using to cut tomatoes and turned to look at you.

“y/n, are you sick?”

he stood there, eyeing you like you were crazy, “seriously, what is wrong with you..”

you were definitely gonna post his reaction 💀

jake ˚⋆ ✦

falls for it 100%

is scared for his life until he realizes

then he thinks it’s kind of funny

except for the heart attack you almost gave him

probably thinks about it for the rest of the day

jake was helping you get ready so you two could go out for the day. he sat on the edge of the bed, scrolling on his phone while he waited for you to show him the next outfit option.

“okay, how about this one?” you asked him, turning in the mirror to give him a view of what you had on.

he placed a hand on your waist, turning you the other way, “yeah, i love this on you.”

you thanked him, giving him a quick kiss before pulling away hurriedly with a worried expression.

“what? what’s wrong?” his expression mirroring yours.

“you have to hide, my boyfriend just got here!” you pushed him towards the closet.

he scrambled into the closet, closing the door behind him. you could hear his panicking from outside the door as he panted.

“oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh..” he mumbled. there was silence until you stood outside of the door, giggling.

“jake, oh my g- jake, you’re my boyfriend!” you crouched on the ground, holding your stomach.

the door to the closet slowly opened as a still-frightened jake poked his head out.

“oh yeah..” he murmured to himself. stepping out, he joined in on your laughter, feeling embarrassed.

“i got so scared, oh man!”

(we know jake 😞)

sunghoon ˚⋆ ✦

is just like jay

except he pays no attention to it

just stands there like🧍🏽‍♀️what

moral of the story is your pranks never work on him

you were cuddled up with hoon, the horror film playing on the screen in front of you. he wanted to watch it since it was so close to halloween.

his arm wrapped tightly around you since he knew you’d probably be easily terrified of the jumpscares.

while the movie continued to play and there were no scary parts, you decided to play a prank on hoon just to see if he would fall for it.

“sunghoon,” you leaned away from his chest, causing him to hum in response.

“you have to hide, my boyfriends’ coming.” you gently pushed his shoulder, trying to get him off the couch.

he turned his head to you, eyebrows furrowed, “y/n, if you’re bored or you don’t wanna watch the movie, the you don’t have to.” he ignored your “prank” and continued to watch the movie.

(welp🧍🏽‍♀️)

sunoo ˚⋆ ✦

is not falling for it

jay pt3

just stared at you tbh

will probably just walk away

you were sitting next to sunoo on the couch, pretending to be on the phone while watching tv. he scrolled on his as you ended the “conversation”.

“nunu, you have to hide. my boyfriends here.” you placed your phone on the couch, looking at him worriedly.

he brought his hand down, placing his phone in his lap. he looked over at you, furrowing his eyebrows.

“y/n, sometimes I wonder why I agreed to dating you..”

jungwon ˚⋆ ✦

freezes for a moment

and then he’s like

why are you like this

is deeply confused for a second

“jungwon, why are you in the kitchen?” you pace up to where he was leaving the pantry.

“uh.. snacks?” he quirked an eyebrow.

“you need to hide, my boyfriend is literally here.” it took jungwon a moment to realize what you said. his brows furrowed in confusion as he tilted his head at you.

“babe, what are you talking about?”

ni-ki ˚⋆ ✦

is annoyed

cause what are you even talking abt

he’s definitely gonna get you back

definitely doesn’t fall for it

your camera was on, capturing the moment you pushed ni-ki off the side of his bed.

“y/n, what the heck are you doing?!”

“ki, you have to hide, my boyfriends here!” you pointed the camera in his face, showing his pained expression.

“yeah, and he’s right here!” he groaned, pushing the phone away from him.

author’s note: apologies for this being so short esp the last 3, im not feeling well :)

taglist: @haechansbbg (message or comment to be added)

#kairoot #enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen crack #enhypen reactions #𝒮𝑖𝑔𝑛𝑒𝑑，ℳ𝑖𝑙𝑎𝑛 ⊹ ₊˚

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thelov3lybookworm · 9 months ago

Text

Journals

Summary: everyone is happy

•○●⛦●○•

Tw: heavyyyy angst, sad lil fic (literally what i named this before i came up with a title), mental health issues, depression, feeling unworthy of love, panic attack, self harm, self hate. thats all i can think of right now, but let me know if i need to add anything

A/n: based on this and this poetry by @gardenofrunar 🤭 you couldnt tell it was me could you pookie?

also, there is not really a bat boy our reader is supposed to be with, so im tagging this as all three of them. there will most probably not be a second part to this, but still, lemme know hat you all think

AND, im not trying to glorify what reader is going through in this fic. if you are going through something, please talk to someone. you are not alone, my loves ❣️

anyways, enjoyyyy!!

It was happening again.

The breathlessness was starting to creep up again on her.

And the worst part wasn't the fact that she felt like she was dying.

It was that she was alone. Again.

No one was coming. No one cared. No one would even realise she was gone until it was too late, and maybe that was a miracle.

Click.

The haze cleared slightly, and gasping for breath, Y/n stood, somehow making it to the stairs leading to her bedroom before her lungs constricted again.

She had no other option as she crumbled on the stairs, the hard wood digging into her sides and thighs.

She could not breathe.

She could not think.

She could not move.

She could not breathe.

A cruel laugh broke through her consciousness, the sound so familiar yet so foreign, Y/n could not help but sob.

You deserve this.

Azriel. It was him, no doubt. But the longer she sat there, other voices started joining in.

First Cassian. Then Mor, Rhysand. Amren.

Feyre, Nesta. Elain.

"Stop." She whispered, her hands shaking as she rose them to her ears, pressing as hard as she could. But no matter how much she tried to ignore it, the clearer the words became.

You deserve this.

You don't deserve us.

It's your own fault.

In an attempt to get away, to get some peace and quiet, she reached out, clutching the stair. The wood grains whispered against her palm, their sound lost to ears filled with taunts and laughter.

Still, she dug in her fingers, her nails screaming in protest, her heart yelling back in a horrific screech, beating loud enough to almost drown out her family.

Almost.

Pulling herself up, she reached out her hand, ignoring the pain as she did her best to haul her dysfunctional body up the hard terrain, trying to make it to her bed before she lost herself fully to the dark depths of her mind, losing all sense of her being.

Somehow, having no recollection of the climb, Y/n collapsed at the landing, her breathing erratic as she stared at the blurry paintings on the wall, gifted to her by Rhysand's mate.

Had they always been this blurry?

In the back of her mind, she realised that they were never blurry. There were just tears in her eyes, but she didn't think too much about that as she crawled forward, miraculously crossing the threshold to her room, the familiar smell of flowers Elain had gifted her last week pulling her out of her misery for a moment, enough to let her get up and stumble into the plush material of her bed before tears again erupted in her eyes.

They then came back, screaming in her ears about how much of a disappointment she was, how she deserved no happiness.

And she agreed with them.

But still, it hurt her heart to hear the people she cared for voice thoughts she only limited to the darkness of night, under the gentle presence of the moonlight.

You don't deserve happiness.

She knew the inevitable onslaught of her self hatred was about to break over her head, knew it was unavoidable and would probably have her moping for days.

Her mind started wandering, which in itself was alarming because as much as she wanted to stop thinking about her miserable life, she knew that any and all thoughts she had at these times would only work against her.

Rhys's tear stained cheeks, his bloodshot eyes and his quiet sobs as he clutched Y/n's hands between both of his, Y/n's soft cooing as she tried her best to soothe his wounds after his mother and sister's death.

As she held him after his return from under the mountain.

This was going to be a long night, she was sure.

Cassian's grumpy self refusing to eat after one of the Illyrians had again bullied him for not being good enough. Y/n's cheeks aching from how hard she was trying not to smile as she tried to convince the overgrown illyrian to eat something.

Azriel's shaky hands as she held onto him after a particularly bad nightmare that usually started keeping him up around the time his hands were burned, the anniversary o the time where an innocent little boy realised that the world was filled with cruelty.

Y/n being the first one to find out about Mor's liking in women and helping her sneak out to meet her lovers.

Y/n dragging gallons of fresh blood to Amren's apartment under the cover of the night when she knew the ancient being hadn't had the time to feast.

Her hands scrambled to find something to tether herself to, to remind her that this was not real and that it would pass. That her family did love her, and that they would never hurt her or want her to think this way of herself.

They would never hurt her the way she hurt herself.

They just wouldn't... would they?

Rhys's wide smile as he admired his mate while she spoke to a grinning Cassian, who in turn turned to Azriel to tease the blushing Illyrian. Mor, giggling over her glass of wine as she mumbled something to Elain, Nesta and Amren conversing in hushed tones next to the window, happiness shining on both their faces.

And Y/n watched on, huddled in her own little corner as she gulped down another glass of champagne, trying to focus on the burn in her throat as the liquor travelled down. Trying not to think of the way her breathing started coming in shorter pants, her lungs constricting in the too small rib cage that were set on killing her.

Trying to ignore the tang of copper in her mouth as she bit her own tongue, not wanting to speak and draw attention to herself, to ask for help because she was too unused to suffering in silence. Her family had always been there, and she had never had to go even a day without their constant nagging. She always had at least one of them guiding her through the worst of her days.

Trying not to think of how no one even glanced up as she exited the room, tears prickling her eyes, feeling like she was nothing but an intruder, watching from outside the warmth of the house, standing knee deep in the cold snow as she tried her best to keep warm by looking at the happy faces of her family, no matter how much she was freezing on the inside.

Her fingers curled around the lumpy material of her comforter, and she pushed forward, trying to ignore the tears that rolled down her warm cheeks and buried her head in the soft fabric.

And then let out the ear piercing scream she had been holding in, uncaring that she had let down the sound shield around her room.

She knew no one was around to hear.

She knew no one would come.

They were all too happy to worry.

Her stomach was grumbling, and she was glad it was because otherwise it would've been the cause for concern, considering she hadn't eaten in almost a day.

She was still so tired and wanted to do nothing but lay in bed all day and cry, but she needed to eat too.

And so here she was, chopping up some vegetables in a daze, not really paying attention despite wanting to focus on something that took her mind off of her thoughts.

It was not easy to stop thinking, so when suddenly the fog in her mind cleared, she glanced down.

The red of her blood was bright, and the longer she stared, the quicker the pain came, but it was only a tiny sting, nothing more than the bite of an ant in the shape of a knife.

She stared, and stared.

And then, she lifted her eyes, her gaze settling on her dagger, unprompted.

She smiled.

Writing was one of the parts of Y/n's responsibilities. Writing a letter to help the relations between the courts. A report for the high lord.

It was one of the things that broke her out of her own mind's torture, one of the things that made her feel like she wasn't entirely useless.

So here she was, just scribbling away senseless words in her journal, knowing she would hide it away before anyone saw it. Saw the blood stains.

For the first time in weeks, she was smiling, no tears to be found in her eyes as she lay on her stomach on the bed, her legs in the air behind her as she began doodling little flowers in the corner of the page, her inkpot next to her and her dagger in her other hand.

She went to dip in her feather pen in the ink, frowning a little as it created spots of ink on the crumpled paper, mixing with the dark red liquid that still dripped slowly from her fingers, little rivulets running down from her wrist.

As she continued, a tap on her mental walls had her pausing, and after a brief conversation with Rhys, she got up, closing her journal and beginning to clean the cuts on her wrist and around the journal and then donning a flowy, simple white gown.

It wasn't long before a knock sounded at her door, and she hurried to open it to find Cassian standing on her front porch, smiling.

"Hey Y/n, Rhys asked me to pick you up-"

Y/n nodded. "Yes I know, let me just grab my things and then we can go."

He shrugged, leaning against the doorframe.

She ran up the stairs and to her bedroom, grabbing the little bag she had put all her pens and previous reports into, deciding to carry them with her just in case.

She hurried back out within a few moments, but she saw that Cassian had moved, standing near the gates. Which was suspicious, but not too alarming as she stepped onto the porch.

"Let's go."

Before she shut the door Y/n turned and glanced around the house for the last time. Why, she didn't know. But she couldn't shake the feeling in her gut that something was wrong.

And she had known to always trust her gut.

But she turned around, locking the door before leaving.

Not realising her journal was missing from the table.

"I really don't want to pressure you too much Y/n, so if you don't want to be a part of this research, I understand-"

"Rhys, this is no burden. I'm actually honoured you even considered me for this project."

His brows furrowed, his smile turning confused. "What are you talking about Y/n? You're one of the smartest people I know. Of course you are included-" he trailed off, his eyes filling with understanding. "How have you been Y/n?"

Y/n blinked, pretending not to understand what he meant by that. Of course Rhys knew she struggled with feeling worthy of her family, and of course he made that connection.

"I've been good, Rhys." Y/n mumbled, an easy grin on her face as if Rhys's concern was ridiculous.

"Have you had any recent episodes-"

"Guess what I found!"

He paused, both their heads turning to where Cassian's booming voice floated through the cracked door.

Y/n's whole body ran cold, and before she could even question the reaction of her body to something that wouldn't have concerned her before, she was stumbling out the door, following Cassian's voice to the sitting room, where everyone else was gathered.

Cassian was grinning as he explained to them how he had gone to pick Y/n's up from her house, and how he found-

Her secret diary.

Y/n's eyes widened, her legs refusing to move as her gaze locked on the book Cassian held in his hand.

"Oh, look, she's here too!" He turned to her, his expression carefree and inviting. "Never knew you had a diary Y/n. What will I find if I read through it? Your secret lover's name? His-"

"Cass." Y/n warned, finally getting herself to move forward as he danced back, his hands beginning to crack open the book.

"Will I find your secret fantasies-"

He stopped dead in his tracks, all the emotions gone from his face as he stared at the page he had opened, his features hard. Y/n waited with bated breath, her head turning to gauge everyone's reaction.

Mor sat with Nyx in her lap, bouncing him as she glanced between Y/n and Cassian. Feyre and Azriel exchanged confused glances before Azriel stood, stalking towards Cass.

Panicked, Y/n jumped forward, but before her hand could wrap around her journal, he pulled away, face pale.

"What is this?"

"None of your business."

Azriel had stopped, his eyes wide as he stared at Y/n.

That's when Y/n realised he had smelled the blood she left on the pages.

Damn it.

Y/n stepped back towards the exit as she felt all the eyes on her, panic starting to dig its claws in her gut and begin its ascent up her throat as the shadows curled around Azriel's ear and his eyes went to her wrist, covered by the long sleeves of her dress.

Y/n turned to find Rhys standing in the doorway, his eyes filled with tears.

"Why?"

She glanced once at everyone, tears starting to fill her own eyes, her face flushing in embarrassment, mad that she had started crying over nothing, and pushed past Rhys, running towards the front door.

"Y/n!"

They will be mad.

You deserve it.

Y/n fled the river house, ignoring the concerned looks thrown her way by the people on the streets as she ran straight to her house.

They hate you.

The door slammed shut behind her as she leaned against it, gasping for breath as her lungs started contracting painfully, refusing to let her breathe.

The breathlessness was starting to creep up again on her.

It was happening again.

Acotar Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686

@cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1

@hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21

@mybestfriendmademe @saltedcoffeescotch @eve175 @starsinyourseyes

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @byyalady @lilah-asteria

@girlswithimagination @gardenofrunar @girlswithimagination @sunnyspycat

@artists-ally @riddlesb1tch @milswrites @berryzxx

Azriel Taglist: @darthdumbasss @foreverrandomwritings @azrielsmate3 @celestialend

@stqrgirlies-blog @tele86 @bakananya @xyzmeh

@st4r-girl-official @caraaaaugh @nacho-nat @allllium

@fandomarchiveilyd @nickishadow139

Cassian Taglist: @moonlwghts @samslittlespoon @nickishadow139

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pippin-katz · 7 months ago

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Iron Burns

Something I'm super curious about is just how badly iron hurts when a ghost touches it. I posted a little ramble about Charles being chained and unable to help Edwin while she tortured him, and how we didn't get a reaction shot of him hearing Edwin screaming. And something clicked in my brain. I will preface this by saying that I can't prove anything, and could very well be completely wrong. This is just a possible explanation/option.

This was supposed to be relatively short, and that did not happen lmfao Here's your long post warning 😂

Charles VS Iron

This is Charles we are talking about. He is fiercely protective of Edwin, and let's be honest, can get physically violent when provoked. He was sitting there, listening to Esther, until she specifically brought up rescuing Edwin from her plans. It's only when she says that that he starts moving, and he very obviously intended to attack her.

It confirms in Charles' head that there is a specific reason why Edwin is separated from him, and that is bad. Very bad. He possessed Esther to get them out of their first fight with her; she very nearly succeeded in getting them eaten by that Forest Elemental. She is seriously dangerous, and he knows it. Whatever she has planned for Edwin, Charles knows it's vicious and vile.

That thought spurs him to physically attack Esther, without hesitation. Based on the fact that his hands are open, Charles was going to grab her rather than hit her, and, based on her proximity to him, by the throat. That is the only effective attack from his position I can think of; it's the only way he can completely incapacitate.

Logical reasoning aside, choking someone is a pretty common violent anger response. It's probably because it's the easiest way to kill someone with your bare hands; in shows, many characters use a weapon to hurt their adversaries. It's the bullet, the blade, the bat, or whatever that actually hurts them, makes contact with them. It feels different when it's literally you hurting them. Your hands are weapons on their own if you know how to use them. Ex: Vi from Arcane has boxing as her go-to fighting style.

Okay, I went on a bit of tangent there, but my point is that Charles is fucking pissed. This is Charles, who fears being like his father, wanting to hurt Esther.

Violence is the last resort for all of their cases and situations. Charles will take out his cricket bat if he senses danger, but it's more of an intimidation tactic than a true threat. Charles does not actually attack anyone with the cricket bat who is not already an established threat. He takes it out during their first encounter with Esther, when they meet the Cat King, in the Devlin House, when the Night Nurse first shows up, in the forest against David, and against the snake. Most of those encounters are not a matter of negotiation; the first fight with Esther, the Devlin House, David, and the snake were all situations where "talking it out" was not an option, so pulling out the cricket bat to intimidate them would have been pointless. When he takes the bat out in those cases, he's already fully intending to use it. When he takes it out against the Cat King and the Night Nurse, he waits. He holds it up to send a message. It says, "Don't make me hurt you, because I will if I have to."

Charles doesn't want to hurt people, and usually tries his best to find another solution; even when we see him having to fight someone, a military veteran no less, he apologizes and only defends against him because he knows this is a ghost who's cursed, and doesn't deserve it, despite his violent behavior. They attempt to talk the Night Nurse out of taking them for several minutes before she attacks him. She attacks him mentally and emotionally in a way the others don't see and can't fathom; you could even argue that it is a physical attack as well because she makes him relive being beaten by his father and stoned by his friends. The Night Nurse does not hit him, but she hurts him, hurts him bad. When Charles hits her with that music box, despite what the others see, he's retaliating, not initiating. Because again, Charles wants to find another solution first.

But with Esther? He is so far passed that. He is so furious that he wants to attack her. He wants to hurt her. And that is before she starts torturing Edwin.

When he heard Edwin screaming, do you realize just how angry Charles would have been? I can't comprehend how badly he would've wanted to break free and fuck Esther up for what she did. Charles is genuinely intimidating when he's angry; he would have been absolutely terrifying.

Tiny Note: this is the best shot of Charles in the whole show. Let my boy beat the shit out of someone without getting judged for it, please! Let him go apeshit, please!! 🙏🏻

I struggle to believe that anything would have stopped him from getting to Edwin in that state, iron collar be damned.

But Charles doesn't. He doesn't break free. He tries, and continues to fail repeatedly. Almost every movement makes the collar burn him.

The thought I had was how little Charles would care about his own safety/pain if it meant saving Edwin. This boy willingly enters and traverses Hell itself for him. He tells the Night Nurse that if he goes, he can either succeed in bringing Edwin back, or get stuck in Hell so she knows where they are. Charles admits that he would rather be stuck in Hell with Edwin than spend another second without him. When Crystal asks, "What if something happens to you?", he has no response. He honestly does not care if something happens to him, but he doesn't want to admit that to Crystal's face cause that would hurt her, so he refuses to answer.

Getting hurt does not matter to him, so just how painful was that iron that Charles, at his angriest, and in his most desperate state, could not break out?

We see him pulling on the chain and struggling, but he's moving as little as possible because he's trying that hard not to touch the collar. He lets go because it hurts too much. Even when his bag is just out of reach, which is the solution to all of his struggles, he can't bear the burning long enough to get his foot under the strap.

Based on all of that, my brain told me this: the iron burning was so painful that Charles could not endure it long enough to escape, even in his angriest and desperate state, listening to the most important person in his world screaming in a way he has never heard before, and pleading for Esther to stop hurting him.

Like, that sounds crazy to me. Seeing how angry he got at the Night Nurse, and the intensity of his rage in that scene makes me wonder what was going through his head while chained up.

Edwin VS Iron

But my brain was not done with this information. One of my favorite details that I want to be explored in the future is how nonchalant Edwin is while his hand is burning.

He did not notice it was burning until Crystal pointed it out. He looks and sounds genuinely surprised when he sees it. His expression and the way he says he was careless makes me feel like he wasn't in pain and trying to play it off, but was upset with himself for making a very noticeable mistake in front of Crystal while trying to show off and prove a point.

Edwin's pain tolerance is so high that he does not even notice a simple iron burn.

The second time he gets touched by iron is when Esther knocks him across the garden. He looks down at the burn that's what's hurting him, but I don't buy it.

This boy just got swatted like a tennis ball across a courtyard into a small greenhouse.

We all know that Charles does the fighting/takes the hits, so Edwin getting hit like that is probably a new feeling. Since iron makes them tangible for a couple seconds, he probably physically felt it when he landed.

Being burned and crashing into things are two very different sensations, and one of them Edwin hasn't experienced in thirty years. The burn is localized to his hand, and it's a burn. It stings. Hitting a structure that fast and landing like that is going to effect your whole body. It's aching, it bruises every part of you, from your skin down to your bones. It's so much more uncomfortable and hindering than a simple burn. If you burn your hand, you can still operate day-to-day almost normally, but if you mess up your body in some way, you're not going to be able to walk without being in pain. If you asked me which one I'd rather have happen to me, I would take the burn so fast.

Point being that him looking distressed and hurt after that hit makes a whole lot of sense, despite his high pain tolerance. It probably surprised him more than hurt him. It doesn't last long either.

The only time we see him truly react to iron is in Esther's torture device, which is obvious but I'll talk it through anyway.

The cuffs restraining his arms are touching his bare wrists, tightly and constantly. His wrists smoke from it. Him gasping at that makes sense.

But the real kicker here is obviously the rods. Upon first glance, it looks like they touch down on his torso, zapping him or whatever you'd call that, on a surface level. But if you pay close attention to the shots where he's somewhat transparent you can see that those prongs are actually going through him, at least a little bit.

I took a screenshot, up-ed the brightness, and marked where it looks like the rods hit him, versus where they actually end.

Edwin moves around a bit, so there are definitely some shots where they are just touching his skin, but that's kind of the point I'm trying to make. The rods are not moving, they are static, so when Edwin's body moves around them, they stay put. That is fucking painful.

The rod is not moving, but Edwin's body is, and there is nowhere for his skin/muscles to go but through the metal, like it is cutting through him in reverse. If you push a knife down to cut through something, like a carrot, it cuts. But if you hold the carrot, and push it down on the blade, it still cuts.

That would explain even more why Edwin reacts to whenever Esther touches him, even when the device is paused. It would also explain why he was begging Esther "don't come any closer" during one of the cutaway shots.

If you think about it, that doesn't make any sense. Esther's proximity to the device doesn't determine whether it's on, off, or higher/lower. She walks around the room with her glass of ghost juice or whatever you want to call it. She gestures with her hand when she turns it on and turns the intensity up.

Esther getting closer to him wouldn't matter since the device is already on. That is, unless she was actively doing something to him while torturing him. Considering how sadistic she is, I wouldn't put it past her to mess with him whenever she got bored of just watching. Touching him, shaking him, whatever, would almost definitely make it worse. Edwin not wanting her to get close to him would make perfect sense if she was occasionally doing something like that.

So, we have iron making him corporal, burning him, and zapping him with some kind of electricity-like energy, that are also piercing into him, and yet Edwin doesn't scream from the pain initially. There's quiet moaning that you can tell he's holding back, but he doesn't gasp or yell. This is same metal that hurt Charles so badly he couldn't escape in his angriest state. It takes hours of prolonged exposure and gradual increasing of the intensity to make him scream.

The secondary question to this whole thing is just how high is Edwin's pain tolerance that he is able to endure that while withholding making noise?

I can't comprehend it, honestly. Though Edwin spent 70 years in hell being literally torn apart over and over again. We have no idea how long he feels the sensations of his previous body after he respawns or how quickly he does so, especially since the manner of death in this case wouldn't be instantaneously fatal. If his head and heart are in some capacity intact, he'd still be alive for at least a few seconds. As Dr. Alan Grant explains to that kid about raptors in Jurassic Park, you are alive when they start to eat you. It would be believable if Edwin is basically immune to pain unless it's a fucking insane amount of it. I mean, in the Cat King's words to Esther, "Edwin has been through more pain than you, or I, could ever imagine."

That would be pretty fucking crazy if this is all true/accurate.

Is it intentional? Probably not. Could I be reading too much into it, and unintentionally hyperbolizing it? Absolutely. I'm using observation and some information about their characters that I can't actually prove to be true. Maybe I'm just seeing things with the prongs and they're not going through Edwin. I can't prove that Charles would've been angry enough to break out of restraints if they hadn't been made of iron. Maybe iron effects all ghosts differently. Who the hell knows?

Even if I'm not 100% accurate, we do at least know for sure that Edwin has a way higher pain tolerance than anybody else based on the burning hand that he didn't even notice was burning, and how long he was in that device before he started screaming, and that's badass as hell on its own.

(ko-fi)

#dead boy detectives #thoughts: dead boy detectives #charles rowland #jayden revri #edwin payne #george rexstrew #payneland

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glitter-stained · 24 days ago

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Rapid-fire review of UTH where I just rate some of my favourite and least favourite moments wrt Jason's bpd/cptsd symptoms

1. Duffle bag of doom: 5/10

Starting tame, I'm undecided about the duffle bag because on one hand it we do get an explanation for that that doesn't outwardly have anything to do with mental illness but on the other hand I keep saying "cptsd doesn't make you behead people" because somehow that's what people keep insisting is the correct analysis for this scene?! Idk, maybe it's the shock value that makes it look so much like demonization. Treading dangerously, I'd say.

2. This man cannot stop yapping about how extraordinary Bruce is and the awe his presence makes you feel: 9/10

Love it love it love it. They should put this part right next to "extremes of idealization" in the dsm-5 bpd criteria. Literally just docked a point out of pettiness because I didn't like the interaction with Onyx right before.

3. Why is he doing that. Seriously why: 2/10

Look, in theory I do know why Jason's killing goons rather than black mask. DC can't afford for jason to kill them all, they probably gave winick like one shot at a rogue and he wisely decided that fuck nazis actually. But in story it just doesn't work with the goons, i can get behind killing like a rapist but the driver? Never explained why he would be chill with that, even feels in contradiction with Jason's decision in Lost Days when Lost Days are supposed to help us understand! Same for the gang leader part, we get the explanation that Jason has reached the conclusion this is the best option but it's never explained why? It also does feel pretty classist to have the kid from crime alley, who batman "rescued from a life of crime" by making him robin, become a gang leader, and as a whole the thing feels just so like, I can't reconcile post crisis jaybin, with his love and relationship to Willis Todd, and this, I need a satisfying explanation and it's never given, the only difference between here and Lost Days is that he's having an episode. It's just too weird. I genuinely think by making him attack different criminals rather than goons we'd have avoided this problem but again, hard to call a character a psychopath if he's only killing rapists I guess. Idk how much of that is psychophobia, how much is classism how much is the expectation that we'd agree this is the logical conclusion of Jason's opposing philosophy without questioning it and how much is me being a hard client for being dissatisfied by the granted explanation but like, it's really really frustrating.

4. Oh, beloved 10/10

Look at him. He's splitting so hard. The crisis triggered by the god falling from his pedestal with a dash of mirroring -yes yes yes yes that's the good shit. Love that panel.

#dc #jason todd #dc comics #red hood #batman under the red hood #obviously just a rapid review #more in depth meta to come later #i was just rereading and needed to share how much of a swinging pendulum my feelings about this one are #batman under the hood #uth #utrh #batman utrh #batman #jason todd meta

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grogwrites · 2 months ago

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Frost on the Pines - D.R. 3

Summary: After being dropped by RB, Daniel finds himself in Midwest America amidst a midlife crisis, when he meets an intriguing stranger

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x Fem OC

CW: just some swearing, very slight suggestive content (blink and you’ll miss it), depictions of an anxiety attack, dual POV, and some angst, but generally just fluff. I absolutely hate YN, so for the sake of the fic, I used the name from my book which is Sadie. You can imagine how you please, though.

A/N: my first fanfic!! Please be kind 🥹🩵 I am an author on the side and am currently writing an F1 romance book. This fic is essentially a one shot/fanfic version of my book hehehe * no part 2 to this one

Word Count: 5.3k

* DISCLAIMER: I do not know any of the people in this fanfiction personally, these are all just the works of my imagination.

Daniel didn’t mean to get lost.

Well, okay, maybe he did, but not this lost.

He had been driving down this dirt road for what seemed to be hours, but each time he glanced at the clock on his car radio, only a handful of minutes had passed. There wasn’t a landmark in sight—nothing but grasslands with the occasional cow or two as he drove. Finally accepting defeat, Daniel pulled the rental car off to the side of the road and promptly shifted it into ‘park’. He dug for his phone in his pocket, when much to his dismay, there was no cellphone service.

“Of course,” he let out a soft scoff to himself as he discarded the device on his passenger seat. Running a hand through his hair, he began sorting through his options.

1. On one hand, he could keep driving. He filled up with gas not too long ago in a small town with only one gas station. He had enough in his tank to last him through another few hundred miles.

2. On the other hand, he could turn around and head back to that town where he would have cell service again to call someone—anyone—for help.

The prior sounded much more appealing to him than the latter. Daniel wasn’t sure he had the dignity in him to ask for help when he made the decision to go off the grid to begin with. It was bad enough that RB dropped him, but now he was lost. Figuratively and literally. Formula 1 had been his life for thirteen years. While the posts that fans were sharing online were bittersweet and heartfelt, he couldn’t help but feel sick to his stomach as the reality of his situation settled in.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

He needed to calm down, but his chest felt tight. He felt hot, and cramped—like the world was slowly caving in on him. He didn’t even remember when the tears started welling up in the corners of his eyes, but when his lips grew wet and tasted salty was when the floodgates suddenly burst. He fumbled for the handle on his door, stumbling out in a desperate need for fresh air. In a heated fit of rage and anxiety, he kicked the car a few times. He didn’t hear the pickup truck slowing beside him until an older gentleman called out to him.

“You need a hand?”

Daniel was quick to dry his face of any sort of evidence that he had been crying, then turned to look at the stranger. He was older, probably in his early eighties. His face was wrinkled, with a full grey beard on display. He wore a tattered, old cowboy hat with a red flannel and a pair of jeans. His window was rolled down, while a soft, unfamiliar country song played inside.

“Um, no,” Daniel’s voice was hoarse from crying. He tried to cover it up by clearing his throat, though it didn’t do much. “The car is fine. I’m just—“ his voice trailed off. He wasn’t sure exactly what to say, especially to a stranger.

“Where are you headin’?” The man’s voice had a thick, Midwestern-American accent as he spoke.

“Nowhere,” Daniel shrugged, leaning against the rental car. “Just…away.” The man laughed gruffly, when Daniel heard him shift the truck into ‘park’.

“Away from…what, exactly?” The man asked.

Now, Daniel knew he shouldn’t trust the strange man so easily. But something about him felt safe; like he was actually there to help. It brought ease to his mind knowing that the man didn’t know who he was—or didn’t seem to know, anyways. He needed a break from recognition.

“Life, I guess,” Daniel answered sheepishly. “I don’t know where I am—literally, that is. I just got the rental car and drove, but I drove a bit too far.”

“Hmph,” the old man grunted, as if to judge him for his reckless decision. Daniel knew it should irritate him, but instead it warmed his heart. It felt like home a bit, having his dad harness a similar reaction whenever he would say or do something stupid (which, quite frankly, happened often while growing up). “I’ve got a farm just a few miles down the road. Why don’t you follow me there? I’ll fix you up some lunch—you can stay as long as you need.”

Sadie wasn’t sure what she was expecting when her grandfather returned to the farm, but it certainly wasn’t a second vehicle—or the stranger who drove the vehicle. It wasn’t beyond her grandpa to try and sell the farm, as he had done on several occasions now; each one was intervened successfully by her. The family farm, as much of a headache as it was to maintain, held too much sentimental value to her to watch him just try to pawn it off to a rich bastard who didn’t know the first thing about caring for a farm.

“My favorite girl!” Her grandfather beamed as he and the stranger made their way towards the barn, where she was currently feeding a bottle to a baby calf. She smiled at first, not seeing the man behind him.

“Hey,” she responded softly before turning her attention towards the animal again. The calf was sick earlier in the week, so having it finish off a bottle of formula was a win in her book. “She’s better. Not one hundred percent, but she’s eating.” Her grandpa bent over, planting a soft kiss on the top of her head.

“We have a guest,” he announced. She glanced over her shoulder again, now noticing the tall stranger behind him. His dark curls seemed a bit disheveled. He had a five o’clock shadow growing in along his jawline. A few tattoos made themselves known on his arms and legs as he shifted his weight behind him. She frowned, turning her gaze back to her grandpa.

“What’s going on?” She questioned. As the calf finished her bottle, she stood from the small stool she sat on. “You’re not trying to sell again, are you—“

“Not at all,” he quickly interrupted. “Just being a Good Samaritan. The young gentleman is simply passing through.”

Her and the stranger shared a moment, each staring back at each other. It felt like they were trying to figure the other one out—like studying a book, or unraveling a mystery of sorts. Though, when their gazes met, his shoulders seemed to sink—like a weight was lifted off of him. His eyes cleared from a cloudiness that she didn’t even realize was in them to begin with. She knew him from somewhere, but she couldn’t place where from. His jaw clenched the longer her gaze lingered. Whoever he was, she had a bad feeling about this. He needed to leave. Change was hard on Sadie, but it was even harder on the farm.

“For how long?” She finally interrogated. She took a step towards him, becoming defensive. “What’s your name?”

“Sadie…”

“Um, it’s Daniel,” the stranger quickly interrupted her grandpa as he stepped forward, offering her his hand. “But most people call me Danny.” His Australian accent was a surprise. Not many Australians traversed the South Dakota plains, but then again, hardly anybody did in general.

“How long will you be here?” Sadie asked again, refusing his handshake. His arm lowered once more as he cleared his throat. Her grandpa stepped forward, placing himself in between them.

“He will stay as long as he needs,” he told her sternly. “This is still my farm at the end of the day, Sadie.”

She could laugh, but that wouldn’t get her anywhere. Sure, his name was on the paperwork; but he didn’t do jack shit to help her half the time. She didn’t bother trying to ask him, either. It wouldn’t be fair. He was getting too old to do most of the work around here, but still—she was tired. Her gaze trickled back to Daniel.

“Do you know how to milk a cow?” She asked him, with a passive aggressive lilt to her tone. Despite her abrasive demeanor, Daniel smiled.

“I know a thing or two,” he responded softly, which almost perfectly evened out her negativity. “I’ll do whatever. Just ask, and I’m there.”

It had been about a week since Daniel arrived at their little farm, and he was obsessed with her from the moment they met. At first, he followed her around like a pathetic puppy—eagerly learning all the ins and outs of their daily chores. She had scolded him on a few occasions for not listening, but she didn’t know it was because of her. He was so distracted by her all the time, but by watching her, he quickly learned all of her little quirks: the way her eyes crinkled when she laughed, how she would sway her hips to an inaudible song that only played in her head, how wine typically made her emotional, how her heart had a soft spot for the horses…there was so much to her that made his own heart stutter. Unfortunately for Daniel, she still didn’t seem too fond of him in return. He really couldn’t blame her, either; she had a lot of responsibilities on her shoulders, and to have an additional mouth to feed thrown into the mix certainly didn’t make life easier. That was why Daniel came up with the perfect plan. Hypothetically, the plan was easy. Executing it? Not so much. It’s been a while since he tried to pursue anybody romantically, so he felt quite a bit of pressure to make sure this was perfect. She seemed to hate him enough as it was, and he didn’t want to add gasoline to that fire.

The morning of his plan execution started off relatively normal. Usually, Sadie would be awake at the crack of dawn to make eggs, bacon, and pancakes for everyone. But today, Daniel was awake sooner. Just as he was finishing the bacon, he heard her shuffle into the kitchen.

“What are you doing?”

He looked over his shoulder at her. She still wore her pajamas, which was a sight he had yet to be graced by. Her grey sweatpants and white camisole could’ve made his heart explode. Her brown hair was tied back in a bun, that was now messy due to her falling asleep in it.

“Breakfast,” he held up the hot skillet to show her, before setting it in the sink to allow the grease to harden. “Are you hungry yet?” She was quiet, which he couldn’t tell if she was grateful or angry at him.

“What time did you wake up?” She questioned. Her voice was still groggy. She was so cute. He pushed his thought aside as he glanced at the clock. 5:45am.

“Um, four, I think?” He looked back to her. “I wanted to make breakfast for you all—to thank you.” She hugged her arms around herself, as if she had suddenly become aware that she was still in her pajamas. She shifted her weight to her right leg, leaning against the old, wooden doorframe. Daniel’s mind began to race—he could hardly keep his thoughts straight right now. This was the longest they seemed to have spoken since he arrived, and it was civil. He felt like a boy on Christmas.

“That is…” she trailed off, completely caught off guard by his gesture. So far, his plan was off to an excellent start. “Thank you. That’s really nice.” Daniel reached for a paper towel to dry his hands. He turned to face her, then leaned against the counter.

“It’s really the least I can do,” he commented slowly, making sure she understood that he meant it. “You have all done so much for me. If your grandpa hadn’t driven by me that day…I’m just not sure I’d be in as good of a place. You know?”

“Who are you, exactly?” She countered, leaving no beat or moment of hesitation. Daniel inhaled deeply, wondering if he really wanted to tell her or not. He was enjoying not being known—not being recognized. It had to be hard for her, though, to justify a total stranger staying there.

“That’s complicated,” Daniel dropped his head as he laughed, but struggled to find the words. There was a deep pit of guilt in his stomach. He knew he needed to tell her, but he didn’t want to. “Um, well, my name is Daniel—but you know that already…” That prompted a smile from her. A genuine one, too—not a phony sympathetic or sarcastic one that she typically offered him. He caught his breath.

“I mean, like, where did you come from?” She rephrased. She walked over, then leaned against the counter next to him. Her arm lightly brushed against his, which could’ve killed him on the spot. He was grateful that her attention went to the wall in front of them, rather than his face, as his eyes began trailing down her body. She had faint freckles that dotted from her cheeks to her collarbones, with a few outcasts on her arms and hands. If she never got this close to him, he probably would’ve never noticed them. “Who are your parents? What do you do for work? Stuff like that.”

“Ah,” he laughed again, but this time it was strained. Her attention averted back to him. He folded his arms across his chest, then sighed. “I’m from Perth, Australia. But I used to travel the world quite a bit for work. I’m not stranger to the states, but I’m a stranger to South Dakota.”

“Getting paid to travel the world?” Sadie hummed dreamily. Her voice was softer than he had ever heard it before. It typically held an accusatory, aggressive tone to it, but now? She sounded like an angel—more than she already did. “What kind of job grants you that privilege?”

“One I no longer have,” Daniel nudged her slightly, trying to play it cool. But in reality, there was a swarm of butterflies filtering through his arms, his legs, his chest…he knew if she asked, he’d do anything for her. It felt silly, but when he first saw her a week ago, all the noise from his reality seemed to vanish. There was nothing, now, except the quiet hum of the wind and the bright song of the birds that chirped around the property.

When the chores for the day were done faster than normal, Sadie knew Daniel was up to something. Between waking up before her to cook and beating her to her own work, she could sense he planned this…whatever this was. Their dynamic around the farm was like a jigsaw puzzle to her, except none of the pieces went together. It was like a plethora of memories and emotions that clashed—that didn’t make sense together—but still made a beautiful picture at the end of the day. When late afternoon rolled around, she found him in the vegetable garden with the farm dog, Lucky, picking a few tomatoes. He was talking to Lucky in a baby voice, before laughing at the retriever’s reaction. He was always so happy—so nice. She didn’t think there was ever a moment he wasn’t smiling. She paid attention to him even in moments when he didn’t think anyone was watching. She’s picked up on a few of his traits, or the things he does when he thinks he’s alone. Sometimes he’ll start dancing when doing a job he particularly enjoys—shucking the corn, riding the tractor, feeding the cats. Other times, he’ll talk to himself when working through a rather difficult job such as repairing the riding lawn mower or grooming the horses. But through all the horrible jobs that came with the farm, she’s never seen him get upset. Each thing she asked of him, he happily completed.

As she continued to observe him, he looked up at her from the tomato plant. His grin grew wider…if that was even possible. He hurriedly dropped the last few vegetables into the small basket he had, then dusted the dirt off of his shorts.

“Hey!” He exclaimed, quickly jogging over to her. Lucky trailed behind, with his tongue lolling out of his mouth happily. Clearly the dog loved him, judging by the look of utter admiration in his eyes as he stared up at the Australian. “Since we are done early, I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight?”

“Like what?” Sadie questioned, furrowing her eyebrows. Definitely up to something, she reminded herself. “I don’t get off this farm very often…”

“I know,” he smiled. “I was thinking we could go dancing?”

Dancing. Sadie had mixed feelings about the idea. More so, she had mixed feelings about dancing with him specifically. She couldn’t quite tell what Daniel’s intentions were behind this, but judging by the hopeful glisten in his eyes, she thought that maybe—just maybe—this could be a date. She hadn’t been on a date since high school, and she wasn’t completely sold on having the first one be with him. Sure, breakfast was a nice gesture, along with the chores…but there was still so much about him that she didn’t know. She didn’t know his last name, for crying out loud. She’d be lying, though, if she said the mystery didn’t excite her even a little bit.

“Dancing?” She repeated, primarily for confirmation from him. He reciprocated with a small nod. She licked her lips, thinking of how to respond. If this was how he wanted to play, then maybe she could pry some more information out of him. “Tell me more about yourself, first—then I’ll go out with you. How do I know you’re not going to kill me?” Daniel laughed, which—even though she’d never admit it aloud—was a sound she was beginning to grow fond of. His laugh was intoxicating. It was enough to make her smile, even if she didn’t think the cause of his laughter was funny.

“I’ve never killed anyone before,” he teased in response. “I really don’t think you’d be my first choice, though. I’ve got a list to work through, first. Then maybe I’d consider you.” Sadie rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t fight off the smile that was slowly being painted across her lips.

“What’s your last name? Can I have that much at least?”

“Ricciardo,” he answered, without missing a beat. “Daniel Ricciardo.”

“Okay,” she took a few steps closer to him. As she did so, she could see a faint tint of red wash over his cheeks. “Wasn’t so hard, right? Now, what time are we going dancing?”

There was only one bar in her small, South Dakotan town. She couldn’t remember if it had a name, frankly, because the sign had disappeared years ago as a result of a senior prank. It wasn’t a fancy joint by any means, but on a Saturday evening like this, it still managed to feel crowded. She sat next to Daniel at the bar, watching him intently as he finished off his beer. A disgusted expression seemed to wash over his face, prompting a laugh from her in response.

“You got something against Bud Light?” She teased before pressing the glass to her lips. The Aussie gagged exaggeratedly, before smiling.

“It’s cheap beer,” he explained. “It just reminds me of high school. Though, I’ve become a bit spoiled with my expensive palette.” Sadie’s eyes widened at his cockiness. Was he really insinuating he was rich? She was dying to know what he did for work, but that was the only question of hers that he was continuously dodging. She played with the idea that he was a drug dealer, but he didn’t seem like the type. Then again, her only reference to go against that theory were the mafia dealers in her romance books that she read every night.

“Expensive how?” She finally managed to ask. “Like, what, Monaco expensive? Dubai expensive?” Daniel shook his head in amusement, before standing from the bar. Once again avoiding the question, he sauntered over to the source of the music—the bar’s beaten up jukebox. She took a swig of her beer again, observing him as he flipped through the log of song choices on the screen. He had changed before they left the house into a black t-shirt that seemed to hug his body in all the right places. The dark wash jeans he wore with it just tied it all together. Sadie quickly finished off her beer, trying to evict the admiration from her mind. He was still a stranger with unknown intentions. She couldn’t fall for his act that quickly—it would be rather pathetic if she did.

She didn’t know how Daniel knew what her favorite song was but when the jukebox clicked to the next song, she immediately knew what was playing. Daniel had a mischievous look on his face as he turned around, further confirming her theory that today was planned. She watched as he did a horrible (absolutely horrible) shimmy back over to her, before grabbing ahold of her right hand with his and pulling her to her feet. He led her out to the dance floor, where his free arm wrapped around her back, pulling her closer to him. As he began swaying to the music, Sadie realized she was as stiff as a board.

“Dancing is a two way street, dear,” he hummed.

“Keep Me in Mind?” She asked him. “How did you know I liked this song?”

“Lucky guess?” He winked at her, but he knew that she knew he was lying. He wasn’t a very good liar, she had come to find out. Sadie took a deep breath, before allowing herself to relax into his touch and dance along to the music. Daniel was attempting to sing along, but he didn’t know the words—so it all spilled out as some kind of unrecognizable gibberish.

“You barely even have one drink in your system, and you’re already drunk,” she laughed as he held his arm out to spin her. She did so, but as he pulled her back into his embrace, her chest hit his. She caught her breath, realizing how close they now were. He held her closer, with his grip tightening on her waist. They stayed like that for a moment, both of them unsure of what to do or say next. Despite feeling incredibly overwhelmed by him, Sadie knew deep down that it was no longer a negative feeling. Whatever had transpired over the last week between them slowly dissolved. It felt like time slowed around them—like they were the only two in the bar. Just as Daniel opened his mouth to speak, she stepped away.

“I don’t feel good,” Sadie lied, though her voice wavered a bit, ultimately giving her away. “I just…I think I need some air.” Before she could listen to his response, she was quick to turn on her heel and exit the bar.

She wouldn’t speak to him for a few days after that, and it drove Daniel mad. The plan was going perfectly, but she shut it down. What made him feel even more stupid, was that he thought just for a moment that she felt the same. He could see it in her eyes—that hopeful glimmer that often gave himself away, was reflected in her gaze as well. He couldn’t stop replaying it in his mind, the way her body felt against his. He watched her as she made her way from the barn to the garage, carrying two large buckets of milk from the cows. Her expression was strained; she seemed to be in a daze since they left the bar. He couldn’t figure out what was holding her back, and just as he tried to sort through all the possible reasons, his phone rang.

He didn’t reach for it at first. He hadn’t had any service for the past week and a half, so he almost forgot the device even existed. When it rang again, he dropped the hose he was holding immediately to grab it from his pocket. Notification after notification began pooling through, as the last several days finally caught up to him. Every article about him, every text message from former teammates, every call from his family members—it all rapidly hit him at once. He felt the familiar tightness in his chest that he felt the day Sadie’s grandpa invited him over. He slowly lowered himself to his knees as he read through each message.

Max: Hope you’re well, mate. No one has heard from you for a while. We’re all worried

Lando: Heard you left the country? Hope you were smart enough to bring your phone. Your mom’s been having a fit since you left the airport.

Seb: Hosting a retirement party for you next week. What’s your schedule look like?

“You okay?”

The noise quickly faded as Daniel looked up from his phone to find Sadie standing over him. The expression she wore was laced with layers of concern as she watched him reading his screen.

“Shit,” he sighed, locking the device again. “I, uh, think I need to be honest with you.” She hesitated before sitting beside him on the ground. She hugged her knees to her chest, then offered him another genuine smile.

“I’m all ears.”

So, he told her everything. He told her about work, about being dropped by RB, about running away…and she listened, just like she said she would. It was weird, having someone there to just hear his thoughts. Not to interject, not to tell him what to do or to say…just to absorb his words as they spewed out of his mouth. He had this same feeling when he first met her—that despite the storm inside of him that welled with doubt and fear of the future, she managed to ground him. The clouds cleared, and the sky was blue with her. In his world of winter, she was summer.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner,” he finished, as he finally grew the courage to meet her gaze again. “I should have told you but…it was nice to be nobody for a while.” She pressed her lips into a thin line as she thought for a moment. His phone buzzed again, but before he could look, she placed her hand over his.

“I’m not angry,” she stated. “I’m sorry you’ve felt like you had to hold that in to keep your peace, but…we’re all nobodys here. That is something you can count on. It’s, like, the one perk to living off the grid.” Daniel laughed at her last comment. There was truth to her words. It was really nice to be nobody. But as the notifications kept rolling in, he knew he needed to answer some of them—to go back to being a somebody.

“I should probably make a few calls,” he looked at her. As the sun was beginning to set, the glow of its light seemed to shine perfectly on her face. As if instinctively, he reached out to her, pushing her hair behind her ear. At first, she pulled away slightly. Then, before he could drop his hand, she leaned in to his touch. The next words to leave his mouth seemed to spill before he could think, “I love you.”

The house felt empty when Daniel eventually left. There was a somberness that filled the air that nobody dared to address, because addressing it made it real. Sadie didn’t want it to be real. Not yet, not ever. She should’ve said she loved him back before he left, but she was scared. In all truthfulness, he scared her. Not in a bad way, but in a way that felt like if she were to allow herself to fall, the repercussions afterwards would damage her completely. What if it didn’t work out? What would happen to the farm if she left with him? Daniel had reassured her profusely that she didn’t have to say the three words back, but he simply wanted her to know where he stood before he left.

Six agonizing weeks later, and Sadie hated herself for not saying it back.

The weather was beginning to cool in South Dakota, as she made final winter preparations around the farm. She was adjusting the heat lamp in the chicken coop, when she heard a soft knock on the wall outside.

“Sadie?” Her grandpa called. “Can we talk?”

“I guess,” she mumbled as she turned the lamp on, then crawled out of the coop. Her grandpa wrapped an arm around her, holding her close.

“Distracting yourself with chores won’t make your feelings disappear,” he told her gently. “You know, he’s tried calling.”

She did know, but it was a horribly ironic feeling that stirred inside of her. He called, but she couldn’t talk to him regardless of how much she ached to hear his voice again. His goodbye was still so fresh on her mind that she couldn’t face the reality just yet. It was part of the reason she stayed outside all of the time—to avoid being available when he calls.

“He just left so soon,” she finally managed to say, though her voice was strained. Her grandpa placed a soft kiss against her temple as he continued rubbing her arm lovingly.

“Come inside,” he insisted, though she didn’t have the chance to argue as he began walking with his arm still around her—ultimately forcing her to walk with him. She let him, though. She was too tired to keep her composure anymore. As they grew closer to the house, she heard Lucky barking at the front door. Sadie stopped in her tracks, frowning.

“Lucky!” She called to the dog, but he ignored her. He started to whine over whatever was happening on the other side of the door. She whistled at him, when the door opened. Lucky darted inside, and as Sadie got ready to chase after him, she finally saw the culprit of his obsession: Daniel looked over to her cheekily, with his familiar smile plastered across his face. His hair was a bit longer, but the scruff still lined his jaw. A soft gasp escaped from her. He stepped outside.

“You, uh, wouldn’t return my calls,” he said casually as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of the winter coat he wore. “I really had some important things to say, and I just didn’t feel like waiting anymore—“

Before he had the chance to finish, Sadie ran over to him. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks, but she didn’t care. She acted on her feelings, and shut him up with a desperate, emotional kiss. Daniel wasted no time engulfing her in a hug, spinning her around happily. He kissed her back reverently, as if she were a sacred prayer to be memorized and answered. Her hands were tangled in his hair. She could taste the wine that her grandmother was more than likely giving him inside. Part of her wondered how long he had been here, but she didn’t care, because he was here now. She broke the kiss momentarily, bracing herself to finally say to him what she has wanted to say since he left.

“I love you,” she whispered. He brought a hand up, gently brushing the tears away from her eyes. “I’m sorry I took so long to—“

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Daniel interjected before quickly stealing another kiss from her. “I love you, too.” Sadie buried her face into his chest. Despite the icy breeze that pricked at her face and at her hands, she practically melted in his arms. There was an unspoken agreement between them in that moment. That despite what the future held for either of them, the other was going to be in it.

* None of my writing is available for reposting on other platforms. Reblogs, likes, and comments are appreciated.

©️ grogwrites, 2024

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juliasmesmerized · 2 months ago

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Conversations with You

pairings: Josh Washington x F!Reader, Chris Hartley x Ashley Brown (Until Dawn) type: fluff, too deep into the friendship, mutual pining, subtle flirting vibes intended: nervous - The Neighbourhood for the best experience: read part one of this dribble and use word replacer II as y/n will be used. (i can also make a you / y/n-less version, but i just prefer seeing my name for DR purposes) word count: 3091 part 1 | part 2 | part 3

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say." Josh smiled at her comment. He knew she believed in him. She definitely would believe in everybody in the group when it comes to things they're good at.

She laughed back as the match began. Their hands are all on the keyboard controlling their respective characters. y/n's specific character had her focus on one of her teammates, whoever is most probable to benefit from her presence. to boost their damage and keep their damage consistent. The other support would focus on the rest of the team, mostly Chris, to keep them alive. The other damage dealer creates an ice wall and a one way beam of ice, which means the soldier Josh picked would be the best to support.

He chuckled when they saw the second damage dealer being incompatible with y/n's choice. "Guess you're now truly stuck with me, ms. Support."

She smiled to herself at the fact she'd be with him, but she decided to tease. "I hate it."

"Sure you do." Josh focused on the incoming enemies as he bantered with y/n.

The battlefield was located in Germany. Chris's character was in the front pushing the enemies back under a bridge between two buildings, and Josh was on top while y/n hid behind the wall in order to stay alive; switching between the damage boost beam, being blue, and the yellow healing beam. Chris is the type of guy who shuts up to focus, and he was focusing as hell with the entire team in front of him. Josh and y/n had it quite literally easy.

Still having the blue beam stuck to Josh while he decided to relocate to be behind Chris, y/n sighed. "I kind of regret my choice of character now."

"Oh, why?" There was a little inkling of concern in his voice, but it wasn't a long match to begin with if they don't allow the enemy team to secure the area.

She expressed her feelings begrudgingly. "This is my first game with you both and I have nothing to show for it as this support is literally brainless to play, until you have the entire enemy team running to kill you. Then it's a wild goose chase to fly to your teammates and safety." y/n only remembered her side goal of beating the crap out of these two after joining it.

Josh assured her, he was glad it wasn't anything actually serious, or he wouldn't have known what to do. "It doesn't matter if this is our first game together, we'll have plenty more for sure. You do help the team a lot, regardless of actual kills."

y/n proclaimed in excitement. "Great! Then I'll beat your highest score and get more kills." Almost ready to flex her non-existent muscles, until she realized she was only faced by a screen.

"Can't wait to see-" Josh was cut off.

Chris screeched on the other side. "JOSH!" The second damage dealer and support died and there was only Josh, Chris, and y/n on the map currently. "STOP FLIRTING AND HELP ME! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS? THERE ARE TWO SUPPORTS AND ONE DPS AFTER ME!"

y/n flew to Chris as soon as she could get him in her field vision and Josh used the running ability to get to him faster. "You're a big guy, Chris, you can handle them. We're coming."

She spoke up as soon as the beam connected. "I'll try to heal you up, bring your shield up. When you got enough health, I'll damage boost you to help with attacking against them." Chris obeyed and slowly walked back as his shield was up.

Chris weighed his options and shared his opinion on the current situation. "We gotta wait till the rest of the team comes back. They're also going to regroup."

Josh decided to weigh himself in to allow them information they may have not caught. "y/n, after healing him, come with me. I have my ultimate."

"That's great! We'll just have to wait for our team then so I could be taken care of while y/n's away." Chris cheered, feeling the tide could be pushed against the enemy team.

y/n decided to demonstrate the difference between them newbies and her knowing her way around the map. "Do you know where we could go to catch them off guard?"

Josh took a second to think as he was attacking the enemy team to push them back from Chris as he was being healed. "I was thinking atop the area Chris was?" She linked her beam to Josh signalling that it's time for them to go.

She walked ahead to a secret passage way into a building that led them behind the enemy team. "No, we could actually get behind the enemy team and use Chris and the rest of the team as a distraction."

"Smart thinking, doctor." Josh referenced her character choice in complimenting her.

Josh was getting ready by hiding behind a building along side y/n's character. She still spoke up to prove her superiority. "Mhmm. You can finally see the difference between you and I. I can think of things you wouldn't imagine!"

"Hold your horses, we'll see when you play DPS or tank." Josh pressed the key to use his ultimate, and walked into the battlefield behind the enemy team as she instructed. A full team kill thanks to y/n's boosting and Chris already damaging the entire team.

"Sure." It was long strung from y/n. She took a breath. "As if that wasn't from my critical thinking." y/n sarcastically kept a monotone voice.

Josh began to tease her, but he decided to go a little farther than what he usually would. "I couldn't have done it without you! I will kiss and worship the ground you walk on, you mastermind! What could I do without you, my dear princess?"

She decided to answer without thinking. "Hardy har. That wouldn't even be enough after I scored you the play of the game, lowly peasant." If she let his words sink in, she'd go against his earlier comment and she wanted to be special in his eyes. If staying strong during his playful flirting and jokes means that, then so be it.

Behind the screen, the facade, she was on the brink of shutting the game off. The winning message showed on all three of their screens. Chris began to chuckle and went to message Josh after that comment. Y/n's cheeks flushed and she grabbed her phone straight away.

y/n: AAAAAAASSSSHHHHHLLLLEEEEYYYYYY Ashley: WHAT? y/n: HE CALLED ME PRINCESS? Ashley: HUUUUH? IM GONNA TALK TO CHRIS RIGHT NOW

"Oh, hold on guys." Chris absentmindedly spoke as he closed his microphone. y/n absolutely knew what that would be about.

"Do we wait for him or let the queue going?" Josh almost sounding like he'd peek into her door to ask this.

She thought about about it as on one hand, he could come back super quickly and we'd have found a match, but on the other he could take long and he'd have to reap the consequences of being away. "That's a hard question, I guess the game has been going harder on people who get away from the keyboard in a match. Let's wait for him."

Josh, as if a light bulb came on, put two and two together. "Right, I remember reading that update."

"Mhm." She hummed back, still thinking of their earlier conversation and what Ashley might be doing right now.

Ashley: He'll be you guys' wingman and leave y/n: what? Ashley: I'm making him hop off and sit with me to tell me everything he knows about Josh

y/n jumped at the sound of Josh speaking up, as if he fucking knew what Ashley and herself were up to. "y/n." It's fucking as if he was right behind me as he spoke as soon as i read ashley's message. She thought to herself. Eerie as fuck. y/n: DONT LET HIM LEAVE ME ALONE??? Ashley: oh I heard him call you since Chris put down the headphones Ashley: thisll be interesting y/n: oh my god Ash

"Yes, Josh?" y/n responded, trying her best to separate her current nervousness and his conversation with her.

"Chris told me something a bit back that really had me thinking." He spoke while taking breaths and thinking his words over, which makes his argument more stretched out than it has to be.

y/n responds, waiting for more. "Right..."

Ashley: Im having him explain what Josh is telling you right now y/n: i don't love the fact you guys are talking about us while hearing us Ashley: Im doing it with love I promise y/n: liar ure especially NOSEY Ashley: what can I say? WHAT CAN I SAAAAYYY???

He continued after he trailed off last time. "Yeah, I used to pump him up all the time to speak to Ashley and confess to her, right, and now he's saying I should listen to my own advice." He sounds oddly genuine, something the group doesn't see from the playful flirt.

"Okay?" Still not seeing his point, y/n doesn't comment much.

Josh still puzzled about it, genuinely unsure how to move with his friend's words weighing on his mind "The problem is, I don't get what he means? I go for everything head on. Chris has been busy with Ash and I wanna give them space to adjust, you know."

"You do, but I don't think Chris meant it in that sense. It's sweet you allow them space for them, by the way. Not a lot of people would notice those little things." She spoke up, now mirroring his realness as she realized he was being serious. He seldom opened up about anything at all, and she jumped at the chance to support him.

Ashley: chris says ur right. y/n: what the fuck Ashley: he says he didn't mean it in that sense and josh misunderstood him y/n: omh yall nosey asses i swear Ashley: teehee js ur friendly neighborhood wingman and woman

Josh was kind of taken aback at her comment responding to his question; completely glossing over her compliment. "What?"

y/n explained herself. She placed her hands on her face as she sighed at his emotional immaturity. "Josh, are you inadvertently telling me you like somebody? What you told Chris is really specific to context of love, and if he's telling you the same then you're now in what used to be his boat?" How could somebody be that flirty and that beloved by many girls that he rejects be so oblivious to themselves. Her thoughts were rushing, but she knew she had to focus.

Ashley: HE SO DEFINITELY IS YOU HIT THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN y/n: IS THAT ASH TALKING OR CHRIS CONFIRMING Ashley: oh i told chris to explain later, i wanna hear this. Ashley: update: chris is snickering at joshs stupidity i think he knows that we know that you know ur right y/n: im killing you both istg

Josh sounded a bit over it. "I think I'll call it a night."

"W-What?" y/n stammered in confusion, she was expecting being on for a very long while on this game.

"Chris isn't coming back, if he takes this long then it means goodnight for us all." Josh decided to excuse himself with Chris's impromptu leave.

She didn't know how to explain herself without being vulnerable with him. "Josh-" y/n could see her phone buzz multiple times, but she ignored it to focus on his voice. Her eyes are on the screen, but unfocused.

Josh pushed her away, as he often does with people anyway, keep your friends close from a safe distance. "Forget it."

She blurted out. "No it's fine, I get it."

"What?" Josh's jaw tightened.

"You could be the best person for advice for a certain situation, but literally when it comes to yourself, you are unbeknownst yourself. You helped Chris get her, now it's time somebody helps you. If you try at it without support, you might just lose her." She didn't even know what she was letting slip, but she went with the flow.

Josh groaned. "Goodnight, y/n."

"If that's what you'd like. Goodnight." y/n didn't want to push him, she knew of him well enough that it wasn't safe to temper with him when he declines. He knows himself best, pushing him will make things worse.

Ashley: NOOOO MY RADIO ROMANCE DRAMA y/n: its the fact u listened to all of that Ashley: of course I would what if he confesses to u right then and there y/n: huh Ashley: oh yeah after all of that u think he doesnt like u? y/n: we cant js assume that Ashley: ok im asking chris

As Ashley stopped typing, presumably to speak to Chris, she grabs a box of cookies her mom ordered to her dorm. They travelled without her as per usual, so she's stuck in the university dorms for the break. At least she get free food and free time away from people. A message notification popped up on the top part of her phone and her phone buzzed on the table. It was Josh.

Josh: sorry for cutting you off like that y/n: no harm no foul josh im sorry for pretending like i knew Josh: ironically its the fact you were so correct that made me upset y/n: oh. sorry? Josh: im not here to ask for apologies

She took a bite of the cookie in her hand, and since she was typing with one hand, she was unbearably slow. Fortunately, Josh was also slow in his replies. He was probably thinking through every word sent to her beyond this point. Josh: do u think u could leave ur dorm and we could walk for a bit? i think ill take u up on ur offer to talk things over y/n: sure, its a bit late tho u sure? Josh: yeah ill keep u safe dw, im the one who brought u out anyway. y/n: alr sounds like a plan.

She took out a pair of jeans and a fuzzy jacket. The cold weather of the outdoors was not welcoming of anybody used to the warmth of the indoors. It could be snowing, she thought to grab a few more things that would warm her up including a hot coffee. A 'bzzzzzz' sound filled the room as she changed into the improvised outfit. 'Beeeeeep.' She picked up the drink and took it with her.

Y/n stepped outside and walked out of the dormitory walkway to find Josh sitting in the common room.

He stood up and looked at her. "You ready to go?"

"Yep. Let's go." She nodded and walked right behind him.

He was wearing a flannel with a vest. The flannel was pulled up to his forearms. She spoke up. "You are oddly under dressed for the weather."

His hair was messy, he definitely ran his fingers through it whenever he reached a dead end in his thinking. She could imagine him sighing to himself and playing with it to try to take his mind off of things, messing it up further unintentionally. When she came to, they were now outside on university grounds. The place was gated and open for students during all hours of the day.

Josh looked down at the snowy ground and placed his hands in his pockets. "Yeah I didn't really think it through."

y/n smiled sweetly at him, she knew him to be rash at points where he needed to decide on something. "That's alright, here-"

"Truth is!" Josh perked up, cutting her words like a knife and louder than he initially wanted. Causing her to stare in silence, her eyebrow raised. She'd never be upset at somebody cutting her off once in a while, we all have our moments.

Josh cleared his throat and took a moment before deciding to go through with it. "Truth is, you caught my eye a while back. Chris figured it out first and then he became my confidant in this... weird situation." Y/n's mouth went agape, thinking of saying something, but she closed it to listen to him first.

He continued, still looking away from her. Focusing on his surroundings was his best bet in saying all of this. "He tried his best to convince me, but we were friends for a while, it's best to stay that way. I liked our banter." Telling his therapist his woes was already pushing it enough. This was ten times worse and she could tell.

"You joining us without me knowing you would had me appreciating your presence a lot more." She focused on him, his words, his stature, his walk, and most importantly his mannerisms. She knew he had to let this out it seems evident.

He took a shaky breath and y/n took her scarf off. "It made me need to think. If the people around me knew, then I needed to have a reason for it all."

Once he stopped to breathe, she lent him the scarf. He accepted reluctantly, but appreciated the gesture. He whispered a "thanks" and wrapped it around his neck. He closed his eyes to focus on its pretty scent for a moment. "I started regretting all the times I played with Chris alone. I hated thinking this way because of a lot of things. You getting my situation immediately caused my thoughts to go on overdrive."

She caught him between his breaths, now regulated from the warmth of her scarf. "Josh." y/n stopped in her tracks.

He walked a few steps before realizing she stopped, and turned around to her. "Yeah?"

y/n contemplated her words, but since he already confessed at this point, she had nothing to lose. "The reason how and why I joined you guys tonight was because I wanted to get closer to you. You were special from the moment you entered my life." Once he heard her reciprocation, his eyes focused on her moving lips.

"The amount of times you made me nervous-" Her voice, music to his ears, was stopped by his lips meeting hers. He placed his hands on her cheeks to lift her head slightly up. The cold was quickly replaced by imminent warmth. As much as he wanted to be reckless with her, have sloppier kisses, touch her in places that allow him to explore her curves, he didn't like the idea that they were outside. The kiss was short but desperate, she realized he was waiting for this for a long time.

i wanted to end on part two, but i feel like this def needs a third part. im now going to read this with my word replacer. i love this MAN I NEED HIM NOW. id really appreciate opinions on how the characters were written, i never really wrote fanfiction seriously till now. i usually write original work hidden in my endless google drive lol. thank you for reading!

#josh washington x reader #until dawn #josh washington #until dawn josh #chris hartley #Chris Hartley x Ashley Brown #ashley brown #until dawn 2 #until dawn 2015 #until dawn 2024 #fanfiction #until dawn x reader #reader x josh washington #x reader

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bubblewhale · 2 months ago

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I'm just now finding out that people did not like my villain academia arc.

I truly watched bnha for the LOV (besides bkdk).

The main cast is nice and all but if i put on my critical lenses i honestly don't see the hero society as a viable option. Economically and structurally i just don't get it - it's a cult that creates celebrities/heroes who are obviously used as both propaganda and tools of war, under the guise of fighting crime. At this point, heroes serve as either military special op forces or double-agents, or even as nuke level power holders. Either way, they are totally dehumanised soldiers. On the other end, the hero cult itself triggers people becoming villains. It does so by blaming individuals for becoming villains, even when it's obvious that they are direct results of wider structural societal problems. It's shown many times how hate can manifest in families as perfectionism, abuse, obsession, suppression, phobia (Shoto, Dabi, Shigaraki, Toga), poverty and human trafficking (Hawks) and xenophobia and racial (?) discrimination with mutants (Spiner).

The only moment i was hopeful they're gonna address the structural problems was the liberation army attack on the hospital in the war arc. But what was crazy to me is that the hero society held a war prisoner in the basement of a public hospital - using a civilian shield tactic, which is considered a war crime. Spiner's character arc is also extremely sad and unhelpful. Even the school itself becomes a military stronghold.

For the question of family dynamics we get Endeavor atonement arc. But we also get a scene which implies that he sa'd his wife (as if the fact that she was sold to him wasn't enough). The one scene that wasn't believable to me at all was Rei coming to visit Endeavor in the hospital. God bless Shoto, that kid is so strong, understanding perfectly Endeavor is to blame for all that. But it shows that in case of powerful men, sa and child abuse are not treated as crimes, as they should be.

Hawks is another great example of literally being sold and used, similar to Lady Nagant - and nothing is gained from their arcs in the sense of revealing the hidden corruption. Both of them side with the "hero" side in the end, the side that made them do their dirty work for them. He even becomes a murderer because of this but still manages to keep in the public’s good graces by acting as if killing is something he had to do for the greater good, same reason he sided with Endeavor.

Toga is a brilliant representation of discrimination towards a sexual minority but then she dies to save a hero she loves. It's tragic, honestly.

Deku is the only one trying to do something and helping (Shoto, Bakugo, All Might and Shigaraki are some examples) people change their mind and views on heroism/what it means to live righteously. I haven't read the manga so i don't yet understand what Deku losing his quirk could mean but honestly this AFO-OFA tug of war is the most boring part to me.

The show still mostly puts everything down to individual level and blames the villain or makes it somehow personal responsibility of heroes to deal with it.

Thus the league of villains becomes the focal point of the show - their double bind with AFO on one end and heroes on the other.

It just bugs me that the whole show could be read as cop/military propaganda and that our protagonists are basically glorified cops. This is why vigilante Deku arc was so exciting, finally! And this is why the whole concept of the show would be very different if it was made from LOV's pov from the start.

As it is, there's lots of bright and shiny feathers but not much substance in the show. The biggest stars of the show are personal tragedies, sometimes out-shining the main plot and gloriously failing to tie into the bigger picture.

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kikyoupdates · 1 month ago

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For Tomorrow's Sake ⭑˚💫⭑ 𝑢𝑛𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑜𝑟

various!jjk x f!reader

reverse harem, isekai, jujutsu kaisen x fem!reader, slowburn

You never believed reincarnation was possible, least of all in the fictional world of Jujutsu Kaisen. However, from the moment you meet Gojo Satoru, it’s impossible to deny. Whether it’s a miracle or some kind of curse, you find yourself growing up alongside the strongest jujutsu sorcerer. Unfortunately, you know what the future holds in store. You know exactly what kind of tragedies await. Perhaps that’s why you were brought into this world. If it means saving people from a gruesome fate, you’ll gladly suffer in their place. You’ll do whatever it takes.All for the sake of a better tomorrow.

previous | story masterlist | next

Satoru can’t believe what he’s hearing. Out of nowhere, you’ve got a Binding Vow? And not just any kind of vow, but one where your life literally hangs in the balance?

For obvious reasons, he doesn’t take the news well.

“What’s wrong with you?!” he exclaims. “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard! Why would you ever risk your life like that in exchange for more power? I already promised to protect you! It doesn’t make any sense!”

“But it’s worth it,” you simply reply. “I wasn’t strong to begin with. I probably would only have been able to exorcize weak curses anyway. Most people are strong enough to do that as well. This way, if someone ever happens to get hurt, I can at least do something to help. I won’t be useless anymore. I thought long and hard about this, and I realized it was the best option.”

“The best option…?” Satoru blinks in disbelief. “How could this ever be the best option? You said that if you hurt anyone, you’ll die instantly!”

“Only if I hurt them with my cursed energy.” You square your hands upon your hips and proudly puff out your chest. “Binding Vows have loopholes that you can exploit. You just have to be careful with the phrasing. I’m not allowed to hurt anyone with my own cursed energy, but I never said I couldn’t hurt people with cursed tools, for example. And even talismans. I plan on training so that I can use weapons properly. See? Isn’t it the perfect plan?”

He supposes that’s true. You did specify that you would only die if your own cursed energy happened to harm someone else. Technically speaking, there’s no rule that you can’t fight through other means.

Even so, he’s terrified. Because this could easily go very, very wrong.

“In your Binding Vow, you said that if you were ever to hurt someone else with your cursed energy, you would die, instantly,” Satoru weakly grits out.

“That’s right,” you nod.

“And you say you don’t plan on using your cursed energy at all, but you plan to fight with weapons instead. The only time you’ll use cursed energy is to convert it into positive energy meant for healing. Which obviously doesn’t inflict harm on anyone, so you’re safe.”

“Yep!”

Satoru’s expression darkens.

“So, then… what’s considered harming someone? What kind of injury do you need to inflict on someone in order for you to have broken your vow? Does it have to be intentional? What if you’re just trying to defend against an attack, by strengthening your body with cursed energy, and the moment an enemy makes contact with you, you die? Inflicting ‘harm’ on someone might just be using some kind of cursed technique against an enemy, if you ever develop one of your own. Or even just restricting their movements with cursed energy. Anything can be considered harm. The target doesn’t necessarily need to be bleeding or injured. If your Binding Vow is as serious as I think it is… if you let your guard down for a single moment during a fight, your life could end. In the blink of an eye.”

This vow you made is absolutely insane. He could very well be overthinking things, but regardless of how slim the odds are, if you slip up, even for a fraction of a second, there’s a good chance you’ll die.

The thought of losing you makes him sick to his stomach.

“I get what you’re saying, and I agree,” you nod. “I don’t know what exactly could be considered ‘harm’, according to my vow, which is why I’ve decided I’m better off not using cursed energy at all. Or, the bare minimum, at least. I’ll only use it to defend the most important parts of my body, like my heart or brain. Otherwise, I won’t risk it. I’ll take whatever damage is dealt and just heal myself back to normal afterwards. I’m going to train to suppress my cursed energy as much as possible, and only use it for healing.”

Satoru buries his face in the palms of his hands. “Ugh. I don’t feel so good. Seriously, what’s wrong with you, [Name]? You’re insane. I just… I don’t understand why you would do this. I’m the strongest. I’m always going to be by your side. So, why?”

“Because I want to protect everyone. Including you.”

Satoru flinches a bit, and he slowly pries his hands off his face, freeing up his eyes so that he can look at you again. As always, you’re smiling. Despite the horrifying vow you’ve just made, somehow, you’re smiling brighter than ever.

“I’m the last person that would need to be protected,” Satoru frowns. “You should already know that. I’ll be the one to protect you, not the other way around.”

“I know. It’s incredibly unlikely that you’ll ever need my help. But on the off-chance that it ever happens… at least I’ll be ready.”

It doesn’t make any sense. Satoru adores you, but he’ll never understand what goes on in that head of yours. There’s no reason for you to go to such lengths. There’s no reason for you to risk your wellbeing for anyone else. The knowledge that you’re going to be perpetually in danger from now on fills him with dread, but ultimately, it doesn’t change what he set out to do.

He will protect you, no matter what.

And even though he obviously doesn’t know it yet, you will do the same for him.

“You may be smart when it comes to school, but I guess I was right all along about you being dumb,” Satoru huffs childishly. “Only super dumb dumbos would make a dumb vow like that. [Name], you doofus. Now I’m going to have to clean up your mess.”

“I didn’t make a mess. Oh—unless you’re referring to how I accidentally stained my kimono with blood. Do you think the clan members will get mad at me?”

Satoru lets out a heavy sigh as he shakes his head. Sure enough, you’re dumb. But it’s okay. It doesn’t change how he feels.

He will cherish you for the rest of his life.

“A Binding Vow?”

“Supposedly. It sounds hard to believe, but she’s awakened the ability to convert cursed energy into positive energy.”

“What kind of vow would permit such a thing?”

“Well, if I’m to believe what I’ve heard, she apparently staked her life on it. She will die the moment she uses her cursed energy in order to inflict harm onto someone else. Master Satoru has been in a terrible mood ever since he found out.”

Yet again, you’ve become the talk around town. Or rather, the talk around the estate, you suppose. The details don’t really matter. Point is, you find yourself as the center of attention once more, but it seems as though things are finally changing for the better.

When everyone discovered how smart you are, they started thinking a bit more highly of you. Still, even then, you were still held mostly in contempt, because you’re a weakling. You’re permitted to stay by Satoru’s side, but only because he demands it. If not for his orders, they would have kicked you out ages ago. Actually, they would never have let you come live here in the first place.

However, now, your value has just increased exponentially. Being academically gifted doesn’t mean much for a jujutsu sorcerer. It’s certainly better than being an idiot, but ultimately, it doesn’t make you any less weak.

You may still be weak in a lot of different ways, but for the first time in your life, you have a rare, valuable ability, coveted by all.

Reverse cursed technique.

Not many are capable of such a feat. Even among the current Gojo Clan members, there’s nobody that can heal injuries. Healers aren’t commonplace in the world of Jujutsu Kaisen, and their rarity makes them that much more valuable. If everyone had the ability to heal, exorcizing powerful cursed spirits would be significantly easier. It would also increase the survival rate of jujutsu sorcerers as a whole.

Up until now, everyone apart from Satoru has treated you like dirt. Everyone has scorned you, tossed you aside, or ridiculed you for your weakness. But it seems as though finally, the tables are turning.

Finally, you have some actual worth.

People look at you differently now. You’re no longer an afterthought, or a throwaway. Of course, you’ll never be able to compare to Gojo Satoru, but still. You have a purpose now, and everyone is forced to acknowledge it.

“I’m not sure how you came up with such a Binding Vow, or how it even worked, but at least you’ll be able to make yourself useful now,” one of the clan members remarks.

Satoru wraps his arms around you as he glares up at them. “[Name] was just fine before. She didn’t have to do any of this. She doesn’t need to be useful. She’s my friend. That’s already more than enough.”

“Yes, of course,” they reply insincerely. “What I meant is that it’s good for her. She always said she wanted to help people. Using reverse cursed technique is one of the surest ways to do that. She wouldn’t have had much fighting prowess in the first place, so this is a fitting alternative. Isn’t that right, [Name]? You want to prove yourself as a jujutsu sorcerer too, don’t you?”

Their tone is still somewhat condescending, but you don’t really care. It’s a step up, in any case. Besides, you’ll show them. You’ll prove them all wrong.

When all those tragedies are set to occur… you will be the one to change fate.

“I want to get stronger,” you nod. “I’ve already decided what I want to do. I need to train with cursed tools, so that I can at least hold my own against curses. If I’m too weak, I’ll just die instantly—even without the conditions of my Binding Vow. And then I won’t be able to save anyone. So, I need to at least be strong enough to keep myself alive. It’s the bare minimum.”

“We can help train you, but you will be relying exclusively on cursed tools, without the use of your own cursed energy. We are all sorcerers, first and foremost. Nobody here depends wholeheartedly on cursed tools. It’d be an embarrassment.”

They’re basically saying that there’s no one here who would be as strong with weapons as, say, Maki, because she can only use cursed tools. She has no cursed energy of her own to draw from. The Gojo Clan has many elite sorcerers, who’ve mostly devoted themselves to raising and training Satoru, but none of them are weapon specialists. You suppose it’s a pride thing. Relying on cursed tools is mostly for novices who still haven’t learned to control their own cursed energy.

Well, whatever. You’ll just have to make do with what you have.

“I need to get used to cursed tools, and I also need to learn to suppress my cursed energy,” you say.

The clan member arches a brow. “Why? Your cursed energy is scarce enough as it is.”

“Um, so that I don’t die. Just to be extra safe. The conditions of my vow are that I’m not allowed to hurt anyone with my cursed energy, and I’m not sure exactly what falls into that category. I think it’d be better to avoid releasing cursed energy. As much as possible.”

“Hm. Sorcerers don’t leak as much cursed energy as non-sorcerers do. You’re worried that by some chance, you’ll accidentally hurt someone, as weak as you are? I don’t think it’s likely. Not to mention that you seem terrible at controlling your cursed energy in the first place, but… fine. You may as well try. If your goal is simply to suppress your cursed energy, rather than manipulate it and use a technique, it should be feasible. Even for you.”

“Train her properly,” Satoru insists, squeezing you close. “I don’t care how unlikely it is that she’ll hurt someone by mistake. It could even be a 0.0001 percent chance. You have to train her to make sure it doesn’t happen. If you don’t do a good job… I swear you’ll regret it.”

He’s not even seven years old yet, but something about the way his pale blue eyes widen, coupled with the darkness that flickers through them, is enough to make the clan member unintentionally step back.

“O-Of course,” they hastily nod. “I’ll train her thoroughly. Everyone will offer up their help. She can learn from whoever she thinks is best, whenever she wants.”

Satoru smiles, seemingly pleased. You never thought that elite sorcerers would bother investing their time in you, of all people, but life is funny that way.

Your training begins. Not so much with cursed tools, because none of the clan members are especially proficient with them, but every day, you make strides towards learning how to suppress your cursed energy. Suppression is a form of control, and since you have minimal talent, it goes without saying that it isn’t easy for you.

Even so, you make an effort. You decided a long time ago that you will never, ever give up.

All for the sake of a better tomorrow.

“How’s it going?” Satoru asks, plopping down next to you. You’ve just finished your training for the day, and so has he.

“I think… a bit better,” you mumble hesitantly. “I’m not very good at controlling my cursed energy, but suppressing it seems to be working more than when I was trying to use it myself to crush cans and stuff. It’s going to take time, though. Until I actually get the hang of it. But I already knew it would be a long process, so it’s okay.”

“Hm. I see. Well, don’t give up. This is about making sure you stay safe, after all.” Satoru shifts closer, then glances down at the plate beside you. “Oh, you’re eating dango? Awesome. Who’d you get to make this for you?”

He reaches over to pick up one of the dango skewers, and without thinking twice, he happily pops it into his mouth.

Only to spit it out while screaming bloody murder.

“Ew!” Satoru exclaims. He splutters onto the ground, frantically wiping at his tongue. There are small tears forming in his eyes. “This is so… what even… what the hell is this?”

“Dango covered in oyster sauce and tabasco,” you calmly reply, and you even pick up a skewer of your own and munch on it with a bright expression. “Pretty good, right? I made it myself.”

“Something’s seriously wrong with you,” Satoru groans. He clamps a hand over his mouth, face turning green. “Ugh. I’m gonna throw up…”

“Satoru, I’m starting to think that you might be a picky eater.”

“I’m not! You just eat all kinds of disgusting things!”

You shrug, clearly unconvinced. You may very well have some misshapen taste buds or something. Not that you really care.

“...oh. Is that bird okay?”

You set your dango down and point off into the distance. There’s a bird lying on the ground, and you didn’t notice it at first, but it’s not walking around or even moving much. One of its wings occasionally twitches as it lies on its side.

“I think it’s hurt,” Satoru replies. “Maybe it crashed into something while it was flying and fell down.”

That’s all you need to hear. You rush over towards the bird in a hurry, with Satoru following closely behind you. It is hurt, the poor thing. It must be feeling incredibly overwhelmed and afraid.

“It’s going to be alright,” you mumble, gently cradling the bird in your hands. It starts twitching even more, clearly distressed by what it perceives to be a sudden threat, but soon, its discomfort fades away.

You furrow your brows, focusing hard, as you heal the bird’s wing back to normal. The bird doesn’t react at first. It looks surprised, somewhat. Surprised by the fact that the pain disappeared.

It finally realizes that everything’s okay, and without wasting another second, it takes off, flying high into the skies above.

“I did it,” you say, slightly breathless. Not because of exhaustion, but sheer awe. “I… finally helped. I know it's not a person, but it’s still a living being. I can really help people. I can take away their pain.”

“Not even I know how to use reverse cursed technique,” Satoru nods. He leans closer to you and rests his head against your shoulder. “To be honest, I’m still upset about your Binding Vow. It’s risky, and it scares me. I wish you’d never made it in the first place. But… I guess this suits you. Healing others. It’s kind, like you. It just makes sense.”

You’re not quite sure how to respond, so you just lean your head against his own, unable to contain your smile.

“Satoru, look! Watch me catch all these snowflakes in my mouth.”

You tilt your head backwards, up towards the sky, as you proceed to stick out your tongue in a rather unflattering fashion. Even though you can’t see yourself right now, you figure that you probably look pretty ridiculous, but you don’t care. To be honest, it’s nice being a kid again. It’s nice acting all innocent and carefree—for as long as you can.

Satoru frowns. “What’s the point of doing that?”

“I’unno. Ish jus fun.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth hanging open like that. You’re making a really funny face. If anyone else was here, I bet they’d be laughing at you.”

You close your mouth, relishing the feeling of more cold snowflakes melting against your tongue. “If it’s funny, you can laugh. I don’t mind.”

“I’m not going to laugh because I don’t want you to feel embarrassed.”

“Really? But you make fun of me all the time.”

“True. I guess I’m making an effort to hold back right now.” Satoru pauses for a few moments, only for a crooked grin to spread out across his lips. “Anyways, since I didn’t laugh at you, that means you’re not allowed to laugh at me, either.”

Just like you did earlier, he angles his head towards the sky and opens his mouth, allowing countless snowflakes to fall onto his tongue. You watch, with a bright smile, as he bristles at the novel sensation, and within seconds, he’s laughing uncontrollably.

“Whoa! This feels weird,” he laughs, and even though it’s not the first time you’ve heard the sound of his laughter, it makes you happier than you can put into words.

“Satoru, you told me not to laugh, but you’re the one who can’t seem to stop,” you muse.

“I just didn’t know what to expect. Look! I’m watching way more snowflakes than you did. It figures I’d be better, though. I’m always the best.”

He wipes a hand across his mouth and grins proudly. He sure likes to brag. Well, not that you didn’t already know that, but still.

“You’re not always the best,” you feel compelled to point out. “I’m still smarter than you. Well, when it comes to academic stuff, at least. You still like to call me dumb, for whatever reason.”

“Because you have no common sense.”

“Yes, I do.”

“What kind of person in their right mind dips grilled squid into peanut butter?”

“Someone ahead of their time, obviously. It’s called being avant-garde, Satoru. But I bet you’ve never even heard of that term before. That’s why I’m the smarter one.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.”

Satoru laughs again as he pulls you into his arms and hugs you with all the might his little body has to offer. Without the use of cursed energy, of course. Otherwise he would’ve flattened you in no time.

It’s a nice, snowy day. You’ve always liked winter. It can get cold and uncomfortable, to be fair, but you just like the aesthetic of it. It’s so pretty seeing everything covered in snow, a shade of white so pale that it’s practically translucent. You like the way rays of sun dance across its surface, and sometimes, you swear it sparkles.

As far as you’re concerned, today is a normal day. Well, as normal as any day possibly can be, when you’re living with Gojo Satoru. These kinds of silly, mundane moments have become commonplace. You don’t even question any of it anymore. On paper, it sounds absurd that you’re catching snowflakes on your tongue next to the strongest jujutsu sorcerer, and yet, this is reality.

“Come on,” Satoru says. He finally breaks away from the hug, but only to offer you his small, seemingly fragile hand.

Naturally, you accept it without a second thought.

You walk with him, hand-in-hand, on the way back to the Gojo estate. However, what you fail to realize is that today isn’t a normal day. Something is set to occur, and with it, your life is about to get even more interesting.

All of a sudden, Satoru is turning his head to look backwards. You don’t realize what caught his attention. Maybe a stray cat, or something? That’d be surprising. It’s pretty cold, so most animals are definitely in hiding right now.

What you find, however, is most certainly not a stray cat.

Fushiguro Toji is standing behind you.

He looks surprised that you and Satoru have even taken note of him. Of course he is. After all, according to him, this was the only instance in his life when someone took note of him, without him purposefully revealing his presence. So, today must be the day he stopped by to get a look at Satoru for himself. And you’re here to witness it in the flesh.

“That guy’s clearly spying on us,” Satoru says, narrowing his eyes. “I don’t know who he is, but I hope he’s not stupid enough to try anything.”

You don’t respond. Actually, at this point in time, Toji must still be part of the Zen’in Clan. He hasn’t taken his wife’s last name yet. Not that it really matters. His sudden appearance has sparked something inside of you, and all of a sudden, ideas fill your mind.

Toji. A force to be reckoned with, despite not possessing a single drop of cursed energy. He’s unbelievably powerful. The only reason he died in canon is because he went up against none other than Gojo Satoru, and even then, it was awfully close. If he’d lived, there would be no shortage of powerful foes he could defeat.

Due to his resentment for the world of jujutsu, he will eventually leave the Zen’in Clan and become an assassin. The so-called Sorcerer Killer.

And one day, he will become the reason for two characters’ demise. Amanai Riko and Geto Suguru, respectively.

Toji is Riko’s killer. Not only will he assassinate her, but in doing so, he will set Suguru on a path of resentment. Suguru’s hatred for non-sorcerers was triggered by Riko’s death, and further perpetuated by other tragedies, such as the death of Haibara Yu.

But what if none of that were to happen?

What if… there’s a way to stop Toji from becoming a murderer?

“[Name]?” Satoru blinks, but before he can even process what’s happening, you’ve already let go of his hand and started running towards Toji. “Hey, wait! Stop it! What are you doing?”

It may very well be hopeless. You know that. You intend to save as many people as possible, but you also shouldn’t bite off more than you can chew. Toji isn’t the type of person who would readily change. Not only that, but he’s dangerous. He could probably flick you with his finger and you’d split in half.

Nevertheless, you’re going to give it a shot.

“I said, stop!” Satoru cries out. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you back, but you’ve already gotten quite close to Toji, who’s staring down at you with a look of mild bewilderment.

Satoru looks ready to pick a fight, going so far as to bare his teeth as he meets Toji’s dark, piercing gaze. He keeps his arms wrapped around you, protectively, ready to strike at any given moment. It’s a good thing he’s here, because it makes you feel a lot safer. Especially with what you’re about to do.

“Mister,” you begin, peering up at Toji with big, innocent eyes. “You don’t have any cursed energy. Not even a little. But… you seem strong. Really strong.”

Toji blinks. He’s not the kind of person who’s easily caught off guard, and yet, he has to admit that he wasn’t expecting something like this.

It’s faint, but you notice a smile pulling at his lips.

“Really?” he muses. “You’re right. I don’t have any cursed energy. So, why do you think I’m strong? I’ve only ever been told the exact opposite, all my life.”

“Um, I don’t know. I don’t really know how to explain it, to be honest. I just feel like… I can tell. I can tell you’re super-duper strong.”

“[Name], stop it,” Satoru urges. He keeps tugging on you, and he refuses to take his eyes off Toji, even for a moment. “Let’s just go. I don’t know what this old fart’s deal is, but he needs to mind his own business.”

You’re about to make a gamble, and the odds are most certainly not in your favor.

Still, you’ve already decided that no matter the situation, no matter how seemingly insurmountable the obstacles are, you have to at least try.

And so, you shall.

“You look strong,” you repeat, facing Toji with a bright, determined gaze. “I’m not strong. I’ve been weak all my life. So, I want to change that. I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”

It probably won’t make much of a difference, but even so, you smile.

“...will you help me become strong, like you?”

More chapters are available on Quotev and Ao3!

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iz-star · 1 month ago

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Zayne's newest card made me tear up a little.

He truly heals that part of me that it's very much broken and still under maintenance ❤️‍🩹

CW: Adult talk about mental health issues and how Zayne's been a good unintentional therapy.

I sometimes joke about how "To sit on his lap would totally fix me" as a reference to his Hidden Motive card and basically that he loves MC to sit on his lap but you know, I think to be hug by him is what actually would hold together all the pieces of me that are about to fall. He hugs MC with such delicate touch, so much tenderness and you can see the love pouring from his touch, his gaze, his words.

I once mentioned in another post that I totally understand Zayne's trauma with nightmares because there was a time I had them constantly too. There's actually another part of that story: back in the day I was so stressed that my blood pressure was always high. The very reason I had to be taken to the psychiatric hospital was because there wasn't another medical reason for my high levels of blood pressure than stress. I got my blood pressure checked for 10 days (or was it 15? I can't remember) in order to discard hypertension, I also got some medical tests done to discard if the problem was in my thyroid, blood tests to check my levels of cholesterol and tryglicerides, I even got an echocardiogram but according to every test, my body was... fine. There was no apparent reason as to why I was shaking like a wet dog against the cool wind in the backyard.

I knew I was anxious, stressed and basically on high alert all the time but somehow I came to normalize the dizzines, the shakiness of my body, the arrhythmias and feeling extra weak all the time. I'm not going to talk about the reasons that led me up to feel that way bc they're too personal and sensitive, the point is: I was so stressed that my body started to somatize my mental state.

It was there when I had to be given antidepressants and got diagnosed with depression, panic disorder and other stuff that I prefer to omit atm. I started to sleep more because of the medicine but it wasn't a good sleep bc it was there when the nightmares would always make me feel distressed and exhausted everytime I woke up. I also used to had arrhythmias when I went to sleep.

This is another thing I love about Zayne's nagging about sleeping early that I forgot to mention in my previous post: Sleeping properly not only helps your body to regain energy and start the process of reparation and regeneration of cells, but not sleeping properly can lead not only to mental health issues but also, heart issues. Zayne, being the cardiac surgeon he is, knows what's truly best for you.

If I'm honest, even after therapy, I haven't been able to heal all what's causing me to be stressed. My panic attacks have decreased greatly but not entirely and you know what's funny about Zayne and panic attacks? Out of the four LIs he's literally the best option to help out with them: not only is he a Doctor and knows how to act in emergencies while keeping a calm and collected attitude but his evol is the best ally in these cases. Back then, whenever my panic attacks would hit me, that shit about breathing never the fuck worked with me (and I'm telling you this with all the frustration I feel just to remember) because to be aware of my breath only made me feel like it was easier to lose control over it. So I had to be given a couple of ice cubes in a bag pressed over my neck and face in order to wake up my brain from the emotional distress it was putting me into. The sudden cold sensation not only helped me to wake up but was also comforting from all the sweat you get to produce in these attcks.

So yeah, I can picture Zayne seeing that when nothing is working, he could cool off his hands to the right temperature to help you wake up from the emotional distress. His touch not only gentle but comforting, making you remember that his hands are the safest place in the world and there's no danger.

Even to these days, whenever someone touches me all of sudden, I can't help but flinch and my heart beat rises automatically, I'm not lying when I say that even for the smallest things my blood pressure rises. Around two months ago, I had to go to the Doctor bc I got sick and the nurse had to ask a few personal things that got me anxious so quickly that once we were done, my heart was running wild in my chest. The next thing the nurse did was to check on my blood pressure and guess what? It was higher than it should be. Next thing she did was to do a quick test of my blood and it was all fine, so she brushed the blood pressure as me being sick.

When I had to start therapy, the hardest part was to talk about the things that were stressing me out. It suprised me how difficult was it for me to put them into words, because the first sessions, whenever I tried to start talking, my voice trembled and my heart beat would rise, the ability to breath leaving my body with each try. The psychiatrist had to literally drug me with xanax, then rivotril just for me to calm down and be able to fucking talk lol.

I suppose this is the reason that his latest PV got me a little too emotional: he's the one who offers his heart for you to listen, he's the one who tells you that his heart holds no secrets that can't be uncovered and softly asks you to be honest. I'm sure that the topics of the card are less serious that the things I've talked about here but the point still remains; in order for you to open up, he also puts himself in a somewhat vulnerable but sincere position, making you know you're both in equal terms. You put your heart on the table, he does it too. He holds you closer for you to listen his heart, his sincerity something so soft yet endearing that I just know I'd be able to say everything.

Most of the times, to talk about these topics with a few ppl has been quite frustrating. These are things I don't talk about with my family to a certain point and my friends don't have the emotional capacity to handle such things. I know I overwhelmed them and none of them knew what to say when the topic was lying there on the table, bare and ugly. The only friend that was able to offer some support was actually someone that went through a very similar situation than me.

This is not a complaint, in life I've come to understand that most people won't feel emphaty for you unless they truly understand the meassure of what you went through and most cases, it only happens if they have experienced it by themselves. Of course, this won't stop them from trying to be kind but they probably wouldn't realize that their words could hurt you instead of helping you. My friends aren't bad, they're just rough because life has made us like that, no one in this life has been taught how to help. We learn it by experience.

That's another thing that I love about Zayne, he literally exists to help. He made it his mission in life to help. If I were to ask emotional support from him, I know he would take it as it is: a place where one is allowed to be weak. No judgments, no assumptions, just a space to feel safe to breakdown. When MC opened up to him about losing her family and how that was the reason she was having an unhealthy lifestyle lately, instead of his normal nagging, he understood her and said how she had the right to do what she could to cope with her pain but just asked her to make sure not to get injured in the process. He didn't judge her, he gave her a space to acknowledge her pain and the way she was dealing with it, and they weren't even that close back then.

I've been learning to live with this heart of mine who gets scared so easily that it's kind of funny how I came to love this fictional character whose role is to be a cardiac surgeon xD When I started to play this game nobody told me that this Doctor would literally help me heal my heart. If my body flinches when someone touches me, to see the extra care and love he touches MC with makes me feel so many things. He's been broken too many times that of course he knows how to hold something with the utmost care.

I started to play around the end of February and I'm still surprised at how Zayne's writing has checked out all the boxes in my fragile spots. He's been so therapeutic for me, and it's just surprising (and a little bit sad) how he's helped me to heal what real men (and some women) have broken in me. He's the man that has helped me the most aside from my brothers and step father who only hurt me greatly the day he decided to leave this world. It's so funny how a fictional character has done all of this to me, how his reminders about eating and sleeping properly worked for me outside of the game and how he telling me to have more confidence also helped that now I even also have a better job, (I mentioned it in another posts, but for a couple of years my mental state made it difficult for me to get a job and the jobs I was able to get later were all informal and bad paid) but I also can't help thinking that he's a man written by women after all and I wonder if some ppl in his writing team had gone through difficult situations and crafted him out of the things that helped them to heal.

Women help women at the end. I wish Zayne's writing team a long and happy life. And I wish the same for the other LI's writing teams because I know just as Zayne has helped me and other girlies to get up and keep going forward, the other guys have done the same for their girlies ❤️‍🩹

Thank you, Zayne and your writing team for making my 2024 better than the previous years and helping me to start moving in life again ❤️‍🩹

#love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #zayne #lads zayne #personal

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doberbutts · 1 year ago

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weird question, but is there a reason why humans with rabies don't become as mindlessly aggressive as animals with rabies? like, how come people with rabies aren't running around biting everyone?

If I'd hazard a guess, it probably cooks us before we progress that far. Additionally, it also likely has something to do with natural instinct- humans with rabies while they are still able to talk report feeling intense fear and pain while experiencing hallucinations.

Most humans actively don't want to hurt other people- I have a schizophrenic aunt and even in her worst delusions and hallucinations where she may be screaming threats, she's never actually followed through on any of them because she genuinely doesn't want to hurt anyone when she's capable of processing situations logically. Similarly, I have a friend-of-a-friend who is also severely mentally ill, and the only times he's ever hurt someone are when he gets grabbed while he's hallucinating that someone is trying to hurt him. Those he's lashed out at in this state get shoved or kicked or punched before he continues to try to get away from them (they also forgive him immediately because they are his caretakers and understand his mental state very well).

When we started using tools as a species, we also stopped reaching for "biting you" as a defensive response unless there is truly no other choice. Even in the grips of intense fear and panic and pain and delusion and hallucination and paranoia, humans are more likely to choose literally any other option than teeth unless that's their last line of defense. We probably did bite each other back when we were no different than our great ape cousins.

More or less, I'm not entirely convinced that rabies sends signals for "bite" specifically, and is more sending signals for "attack", and humans don't really reach for "bite" when attacking as a general rule unlike other animals. Humans who are restrained in their hospital beds are significantly more likely to bite their caregivers- shoving, kicking, and punching are out of the question when you're tied down. That is true regardless of if they have rabies or not.

Additionally, the virus seems to only progress so far before it stagnates at a specific stage in certain animals. Bats are significantly more likely to have "dumb rabies" than "furious rabies". This could be due to a number of things ranging from "dumb rabies makes them incapable of flight and fucks up their sonar [true!] and so they starve to death before symptoms can progress past that [theory!] since they have fast metabolisms and missing even a single night's meal is devastating to their health [true!]" to "bats show some resistance to rabies as a whole [true!] and thus it may take much longer for symptoms to progress in the usual manner and so the bat generally dies before it can go any further [theory!]" Bats CAN progress to the furious stage, but we don't tend to see it as often.

There has never been a recorded instance of rabies passing from human to human so my money's on a combo of the two theories. It's very possible that Grug The Caveman got rabies from the wolves he was trying to tame and then wiped out his entire society by zombie-biting the fuck out of everyone who tried to help him. But we weren't writing things down at that point, so we have no way of knowing.

Rabies' first documentation is 4000 years ago- but it's very possible it existed before that, since the writing just states that the owner of a rabid dog needs to take provisions against it biting anyone, meaning we knew by then what rabies was and that the bite was dangerous. It's very possible this disease has followed us around since before humans harnessed fire and invented the wheel. That's a decent amount of un-accounted-for time for humans to have hulked out and started zombie-biting.

We have so many folkstory monsters in nearly every culture on the planet that boil down to "had contact with an animal that was acting strangly, turned me into a savage monster that tries to kill everything I see less than a month later, btw my monster disease is super contagious and I spread it by biting the fuck out of you" that predate any modern science knowledge of how the virus works, which makes me think that it probably did happen back in the caveman days and it's ancestrial memory that has us clinging to these concepts to this day.

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edward-munson · 8 months ago

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trust you | anakin skywalker: episode V

Summary: You go on a mission with Cal... and Anakin. You have a task as a tech engineer, but dealing with General Grievous and his army of droids can be challenging. Ps: There's a character guest in this chapter, remember it doesn't follow the actual timeline of the franchise!!

No warnings, just vulgar language (a lot of it because it's a mission and they're all on the verge of flipping out lol)

Word count: 4.7k

(Y/N):

I'm not sure I even had the option to actually deny the offer Cal made. To be honest, he practically begged me and forced me to agree on going with him and his team to a trade with someone with a weird name.

Worst of it all, I had to be their tech guy for the mission. A mission led by none other than Anakin. I wish I could actually have had a choice, because I sure wasn't expecting to see his face this soon.

Especially after he literally threatened me the other day. I don't think I've ever felt this scared in my life. We all know the guy has a temper and he doesn't follow any rules. As much as we all hoped he would change through the years, it seems like it's getting worse instead.

Now I'm sitting next to Cal in his ship, while Artoo is on top of it. He seemed a little distressed, he doesn't show off his emotions a lot because he knows I get worried. But I know after what happened that day he's not getting along with Anakin.

I mean, who would at this point? He looks at you like he's about to rip your eyes out.

And I know Cal didn't want to look like he's only on this mission because of the team itself. He told me he didn't want to collaborate this time, which only made the Jedi Master walk around with a deadly look on his face.

But the redhead never felt intimidated by him in any way. Or at least he doesn't show it. As far as I know, we're heading to General Grievous' spaceship. I feel like I've heard this name before, but I can't collect it.

"So, what's the plan? Leaving me trapped in here with R2?" I ask as he maneuvers into outer pace, a concentrated look on his face as he does so.

He chuckles with dramatic concern. "You'll be looking out for us with commander Poe Dameron first" Cal explains as I nod. Who is Poe Dameron, by the way?

"He's a Jedi as well?" He shakes his head in response. "He's... not?"

Okay, that concerned me. I'm only used to being around force sensitive people, and being a human already scared me enough. Now, knowing I'm going to be around another human makes me wonder whatever happens if we get attacked.

"Nope, but he's a good Resistance's Starfighter Corps member. And a good pilot" He gives me a smile as he turns his head to face me. He can read my panic plastered all over my face and reaches out his hand to grab mine. "We're gonna need you there to break into their system".

So, we'll watch as the trade unfolds and hope for the best first. Do I agree with that? I didn't, but I had no choice but to help them.

"And if something happens, before he drops you there, he'll bring you back to Coruscant" Cal shoots his head back forward as we approach the starship.

Yeah, simple as that, right? If something happens, like, we'll just go back and live it out. Doesn't seem too tragic for me, I love the adrenaline.

Not.

We landed on a hangar, Cal preparing himself up before leaving me out here with only a Droid and a man named Poe. I hope this guy isn't a douchebag like Skywalker is, I won't be able to run away from him if I wanted to.

He gives me a small kiss on the forehead before leaving the ship, sending me a half smile before meeting the others already in formation. I watch as a brunette man walks towards from where the redhead just left and waves back to the others.

He has wavy dark hair, as well as dark brown eyes, and a stubble. Damn, this man looks fine as hell.

Poe steps in and sits down on the seat next to me, looking right up with a kind smile on his face. He finishes buckling himself before introducing himself to me, while I still glance at him like he just came out of a Disney movie.

"Hi, I'm Dameron. Well, Poe Dameron but they call me by my last name since I'm a commander" He explains, extending his hand for a greeting. I grip his hand for a few seconds before releasing.

Good handshake, firm and gentle. What am I even saying at this point?

"You're (Y/N), right?" I nod as he looks back at the panel, starting the ship.

"Yes, I am. It's nice to meet you" I say for the first time, feeling like I have never met anybody that gorgeous.

"Likewise. So, you're an engineer? You fix everything?" Poe asks, concentrating on lifting the flight.

"Well, mostly prosthetics and spacecraft. They're already too much to handle most of the time. But I can manage computers and systems as well"

"You were responsible for creating the robotic arm General Skywalker has?" He seems interested in what I do for my living and it kinda distracts me from the mission we were on.

I wish I could not hear this name on a daily basis.

"You know him?" I didn't mean to sound too surprised, but my voice gave it away anyway. "And not really, I usually fix it for him".

Yeah, and the last time I did it he almost got killed and that led to me almost getting killed as well.

"We've been out and about on a few assignments. I'm mostly doing tasks for the Resistance, leading attacks and all that" He sets the ship on standby as we watch from a distance while the group of Jedi gets in the Trade Federation Starship.

"Are you never scared of doing these dangerous jobs being human?" I ask out of curiosity, it gives me such a bad feeling being out for work like this.

He looks at me and grins. How can someone be so good looking like that? This is so distracting. "Kinda get used to it at some point, I chose this life".

I just nod and stare back at the distance. We both had comlink for communication, R2 looking out for any threats as well. I shuffle uncomfortably on my seat, desperate to be done with this mission. Poe notices my discomfort and rests a hand over my shoulder.

"You're going to be fine, they'll protect you at all costs and we'll be on full alert from afar. That's why we have other starships in position" He tries to comfort me and gives me a nod.

It doesn't change anything about this assignment, we all know how difficult they can be.

My sweaty hands grab my duffel bag and I look over the tools I brought with me. I hope this shitty idea works, because I can't be bothered to feel bad for failing their job.

A few minutes later, which seemed like hours, Cal spoke over the comlink and Poe promptly shifted the gears and flew back to the starship. As we land, I see him next to another General all while waiting for me. My nerves are on edge and I feel like I'm gonna fucking throw up.

Before I leave, Poe gives me a sympathetic look and offers a handshake. "May the Force be with you" He says kindly.

"May the Force be with you, commander" I force a smile that might have come out as a grimace and follow along with the other guys.

Cal stands next to me as we enter the enormous vessel, full of bodyguards and droids. He ignites his lightsaber and gets closer to my ear.

"We're close to the vents that lead to this small control room. We'll have to get into their system and gather as much information as we can" He whispers, walking me through a small hallway.

He and the other Jedi stop on their tracks and immediately drop both of the droids standing there. Cal turns on his heels and approaches me, handing me a blaster gun. One I was supposed to carry around but am too fucking scared to do it.

"You might wanna use it this time" He reaches out for a pocket knife strapped on his ankle and offers it to me as well. "I didn't say you'll have to. Just for self-defense".

He glances up at me with a tender look on his face. This man gives his life to protect me and I'd do the same if I could. I mean, I do but not the same way he does of course.

I just nod at everything he says and we look up at the vent. I'm not doing this alone, am I?

If I had a dollar for everytime he uses his force for mind reading, I would be such a rich person right now. "I'm going with you" He adds.

Getting in a vent with a duffel bag is probably one of the worst scenarios I never thought about. We were dragging our bodies while he tried to drag the bag without making much noise, but obviously not being very cautious with the tools, the gears and other objects in there. We get to the room, me behind Cal as he shoots his blaster against the soldiers. I can't feel my legs at this point, and it's not even because we're in such a small space.

He drops on his feet first, glancing around the room, before looking up at me. He shoots both arms up, waiting for me to jump in as well. I don't know how I was able to pull a stunt like that since I'm afraid of heights. And I mean 8 feet is already too much for me. Cal grabs my hips and slowly puts me down, a large smile on his face.

"There you go, James Bond!" He mocks, arching his back as I swat him on the chest.

"Shut up, smartass" I can barely speak as I feel my voice falter from the stress and the adrenaline.

He walks over a large control panel, hundreds of different colored buttons and keys. They have pretty much a huge system for such a small room. I mean, if there's a bigger room then this is just a gist. First things first, I had to disable the security camera before someone came bursting into the door. I sit on the big chair and Cal leans against the desk next to me. I'm sure he has no idea what the hell I'm doing. I use a small device to hack into the system and quickly find the program to the security camera.

They clearly need a better safety system, because it's too easy to get into their computer. Either that, or it's a trap. But I'd rather believe they're just that stupid. I turn off the cameras, both of us making sure they're all shut down.

Next, I type in a few things on the keyboard, trying to find what exactly they need. Cal uses his pointer finger to make sure he's looking for the right folder, carefully reading every single word on the screen. "We need strategies folders, every spacecraft and architecture project. List of trades and traders they use".

He said it like he was writing down a fucking grocery shopping list.

I try not to send him a glare or even look at him like I'm pissed. So I just go straight to the point. "Might as well just wipe out the entire computer, Kestis. This might take hours!".

"You can just add them to the device you have?" I swear to God, he can't be that serious.

"You're smart, Cal. Use your head. How big do you think these files are? They're all programs, it's a heavy stack of files" I start to get freaked out with the idea of being there for too long.

"Okay, right I'm sorry if I'm a newbie at technology" He adds dramatically. "Can you just drag the list and the strategies folders then?".

I move the mouse right away, bringing everything to my device, waiting for the system to calculate the estimated time. I can't help but tap my fingernails over the desk while I wait for it. Cal doesn't seem too worried like I am, as though he carries a very serious look on his face.

"We've been in for ten minutes. We probably still have a good half an hour left" He says, still leaning next to me, looking at the watch on his wrist.

"Considering this ship can blow up when we least expect it, I don't think it's good" I look at him like I'm not feeling well. He reaches my right arm and folds his big hand around it, giving it a light squeeze.

"We'll know before it happens, darling" Cal reassures me as his hand goes up and down on my arm in a comforting attempt.

Fifteen fucking minutes. I'm gonna throw myself off the ship. He uses his comlink to let the others know, which they all agree. For the first time, Anakin goes in the line and says he's trying to make a trade. It was all a set up as Cal explained.

The remaining seven minutes turned into a disaster, when a loud blast echoed through one of the hallways outside the room. Then an alarm went off and the lights switched to a dim green light. I just wish they won't turn off any other system before I can transfer everything, otherwise this would be just a waste of time and job. We looked at each other, he was gripping his lightsaber tightly waiting for something to happen, while I held the blaster just for the sake of it. There was another loud burst from a distance, the red head sprinted closer to me.

"Is everyone good?" He asked through the comlink, no one answered. "Damn it" He muttered.

"We need to get out of here before it gets worse!" I try to step in and figure out a way for us to get out. He didn't seem to listen. "Cal!".

"We're closing in on the ship. We noticed a few explosions around" Poe finally chimes in, but not with good news.

Why is it never good?

And then Skywalker called out again, this time shouting words I couldn't understand. I twist my head to the side and look at Cal with desperation.

"It's a code, they're attacking us" He immediately watched as I stood up from the chair. "Hey, look at me! I'm here, you're fine okay?".

Definitely far from being fine. He then proceeded to talk but I'm too busy being stunned to care about it. His voice started to get muffled and I felt like my vision was getting blurry. Is this even the right time to faint or have a panic attack? He shakes both of my arms calling out my name, and I slowly blink a few times before staring back at him.

"For fuck's sake, (Y/N/N). Listen to me" He then places his hands over my face, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "Please, listen. I need to go back there and help them. There's a digital lock on the door, they can't get through if you block it. They'll need to blow it up to get to you".

And you think it's hard for them to do it? That won't be enough.

Again, he furrows his brows and keeps holding my face. "Stop with the overthinking, I can hear it louder. Look, I'll manage it. I'll be back in no time, just wait for the files to finish and you wipe out the rest, fuck it. We don't care!"

I try to agree with the plan, but it was just too hard to keep up with everything. Before he turns on his back to leave the room, Poe speaks up again.

"There's a General lying on the floor, he seems to be injured. It's on Block D" He states before going off again.

This time, me and Cal share the same look. Now he seems more concerned than I do. I follow his gaze up the vent we came from, nudging himself up as he grips the edge literally vanishing. I call out to him, but he doesn't answer.

"Shit!" My hands are shaking so bad, I can't even type without missing the keys. "Shit, shit, shit".

Two minutes. Just give us two minutes and we're out. I hear a lot of grunting up on the room, the floor above me filled with noises and shuffling. The locked door starts pounding and I look straight ahead, fright starting to wash over my body.

"Poe" I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. "Are you there?".

"Definitely here, Miss. How are you holding up?" He asks.

"Do you see any of them? There's someone trying to break in and I don't know what I'm gonna do!" My heart is racing and it feels like I'm going to have a stroke in the middle of the room.

"Just talk to me, alright? How long until it's done?" His voice sounds comforting from the other side until he shouts. "R2! Not that guy, he's friendly!".

I have no idea what's going on outside but I try to shrug it off. "Two minutes! My hands are shaking so bad that I'm not sure I can shoot whoever comes in".

"Okay, not so bad" It takes him another second to keep talking. "I remember I learned a breathing technique, we're doing it together alright?".

I forget he's not next to me and I nod, but I feel like he got that anyway because he started counting and walking me through it. Breathe in and count to 4. Then count to 4 breathing out. Repeat.

"Now, hold your blaster up. Focus on anything as a target and breathe. When you inhale, you count one second and shoot. Don't wait, just shoot. If you miss it, just keep shooting" He explains, wasting his time giving me attention instead.

It makes me feel bad that someone has to do it when he could've been minding his own task. But I'm really appreciative either way. I don't know where the fuck Cal is.

"Don't forget to use anything for hiding and leverage. And please, don't forget to bring back the device" Nice one, Poe. Imagine being in danger like this and not even being able to remember one simple thing.

"Okay, thank you, commander" I breathe through my mouth and grasp the blaster.

Looking over the computer screen, I see that there's only forty seconds left and the door is about to burst open. At the same time, I hear Poe for the last time.

"We're sharing a beer when we land in Coruscant. I wanna learn some technology tricks" I barely have time to laugh as I watch the door sling open.

Okay, breathe. One. Shoot.

Shit.

I miss it by inches. From across the room, I look at Anakin giving me a snide stare as the blast just crossed past his shoulder. I gasp from the outcome and the sudden surprise, but he doesn't give me time to process everything as he shouts at me. His eyes are pure angriness and his shoulders are stiffened.

"Come on, I don't have all the time in the world!" Anakin waits by the door as I quickly set the system to wipe everything out and grab the device before we sprinted out of there.

We rushed with him behind me, there was a mess all over the place and the blaring alarm was deafening. I couldn't even aim while running, my hands were sweating and I was afraid of tripping on my foot. He kept dodging the attacks as well as blocking them from coming at me. This is the most attention I'm going to get from him and it's kinda funny given he hates me.

Anakin pulled a hand over my shoulder to guide me towards the hangar, my eyes shifting to take notice of what was incoming. I tried to at least shoot some of the droids but I was terrible at it.

"Grievous just left the hangar with an escape pod" Cal spoke up after a while and I let out a heavy and long exhale. "Knock down these fucking droids and hurry up!"

I didn't understand the seriousness in his voice, the Jedi Knight behind me still hasn't said a word yet and I have no idea what I'm actually doing at this point. Shooting at them and missing doesn't quite help knocking them down faster and I swear I can hear Anakin just groaning in frustration.

Out of nowhere my arm gets yanked back by a guard droid, pulling me over a room and wrapping its robotic arm around my neck. As if I was panicking already, this time I was pretty sure I was going to collapse. I tried to shove myself off from the tight grip, but it only made me flinch more.

"Drop your weapons, Master Skywalker" It said with their gun stuck to my temple.

I looked at him with such fright, my eyes were desperately crying for help. Anakin frowned, using his flesh hand to hold the lightsaber while the other one he used to pull back using his force.

"Let her go!" He screamed, bloodshot eyes and blue irises staring at the droid holding me. "I said let her fucking go!".

"I'm sorry, Master. We have a mission of our own to do" The droid said before managing to leave me unconscious on the floor.

Anakin:

Fuck. Shit. Motherfucker. Fucking cunt.

I kneel in front of her as she lies unconscious on the floor. She seems to be breathing, but I have no idea what this cocksucker did to her. I didn't expect my mission to be such a disastrous piece of shit. As she's still out, I look back at the droid that's staring at me with a puzzling look on its face.

I know how to read droids' faces and it's a gift from heaven. It's easy to trick them when I want.

"What did you do?" I shout and use my hands to shove it back with the force. I tap her face a few times, she doesn't even flinch. My voice barely comes out as a whisper to avoid the other droids to find me.

How much worse can it get?

I grab her, sliding my arms under her torso and lifting her up in a quick motion. At least she's easy to carry. Through my comlink, Cal starts getting riled up and spitting words like he was worried about something. And then I remember about their friendship.

Fuck me.

I try to ignore all the cursing through my ear, at the same time as I pull (Y/N) up on my shoulder, her body swinging as I run faster. I can't dodge all the attacks at once, but I maneuver myself avoiding getting us both killed. My lightsaber slashes them, knocking them down making it easier to get to the hangar.

"I have her, Kestis! Will you shut the fuck up now?" My voice screeches when I yell at him and my throat hurts.

"Why doesn't she answer her fucking comlink, then? Did you kill her, Skywalker?" His voice started to annoy me, my head was hurting from all the situation. I groan loud enough for him to listen.

"Yeah sure, I killed her and now I'm bringing her body myself because I'm just that smart. She's fucking unconscious, relax!"

And now he's just being even louder and insufferable.

Poe spoke up, his voice emerging like an angel sent from God. "Alright, guys. Let's just settle down, we're not at kindergarten".

I roll my eyes at his statement, rushing towards the hangar. The only ship in good shape was one of theirs, and Cal was standing in front of it. He was pacing around, hands on his hips, his forehead was creased and when he saw us he bolted forward.

"What the fuck happened?" The redhead asked in dread, throwing his arms up.

"We don't have time for bickering right now, Cal. Just help me get her up inside!" I swear my head was going to explode anytime soon. "A droid pulled up some shit on her and she just blacked out".

Could've said it sooner, he would probably understand. He looks at me like he knows something, but I don't bother asking.

"It was probably a spell or something. We need to lay her down" He says sternly as we approach the back of the vehicle and drop her on a cushioned bench.

"This is not what I planned for this goddamn assignment!" I mumble before turning on my back to both of them, heading to the cockpit.

"Well she got the fucking device, you should be glad she could do it and not die either!" He spat back, his hands holding her feet as he props her on the bench.

I just turn away from him making my way to my seat, turning on the gears. Hopefully we'll be back sooner than I expect, I just want to take a long shower and be with Luke for a while.

"We're good to go?" Dameron asks, his voice in a relieved tone as he watches us leave the hangar.

"Yes, commander" I mirror his tone and fly off the starship.

My mind eases as we leave it behind, I feel my hands grip the yoke from the ship tight. We didn't get to do the trade, Grievous noticed our plan way before we could get ahead of them. They attacked us in a matter of seconds, bolting at us with no time to figure out an escaping route.

This one mission is hours away from Coruscant, so it was going to be a pain in the ass to sit this close to Kestis. The moment I realized I had to be next to him it just made me pissed. I don't care about (Y/N) on the back, she tried to help and she barely knows how to blast a gun.

I won't complain about how Cal helped the team out there, as a matter of fact. But I still can't stand seeing his face, considering we just confronted each other the other day. The guy always means good to people, but it doesn't stop me from hating his guts after what he pulled on me during our meetings.

Almost two hours after we left Grievous' ship, we were almost entering the Coruscant atmosphere. That was when she finally woke, a grunt escaping from her lips as she finally took in where she was. Cal helps her lean against the wall, while she places a hand over her head.

"Holy shit" That's her first words after waking up. She can't help but smile at the achievement she made.

I watch as she still keeps the smile on her face, pulling the device between her fingers and raising the object in front of her eyes. It took me seconds to notice I myself had a side smile against my will. The red head leans for a hug, both of them laughing.

I can't help but clear my throat before I regret doing this. "Uh- Good job out there, geek. The team is proud of you" I barely speak and the guy seems to remark that.

"What did you say? We can't hear it!" He says it out loud on purpose, and I feel my hands balling into fists. "Did you just compliment (Y/N/N)?"

"Don't push it, Kestis" My eyes roll to the back of my head, I push myself off the wall. "Good to see you're up".

They stare at my figure quite shocked, their faces almost the same as their mouths hanging open in such a surprise. I'm very aware that's the kind of effect I cause on people when I'm being nice, and I know I'm not really the golden boy of the year either.

But I can't just avoid the fact that, without her, we wouldn't have information about General Grievous and his army. Even though it didn't end how we expected it, that's a win after all.

Before I walk back to the cockpit, I hear her cracked voice speak up. Like she was embarrassed of talking to me. "Thank you for saving me out there".

My head nods before I turn on my heels, it almost feels like I've switched back to the young Anakin. Real smooth, Skywalker.

@jackie-on-the-loose @adorbzliz @himesuedi @kingdomhate @himesuedi @cl0esblogg

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thelaundrybitch · 8 months ago

Text

Chopsticks - part 1

Part 2

Well, Turtledoves, it's been a hot minute.

Here is the first half of a fic I wrote for @leosgirl82 💕

The second half will be coming soon, I promise.

This was supposed to be strictly Leo, but it somehow turned into Blurple.

I'm not mad about it.

TW: Mentions of abduction, physical, mental, and emotional abuse, PTSD, anxiety - literal mentions, it doesn't go into detail.

This part is not NSFW, but the second part will lead to it. This part is mostly pining and a bit angsty.

And as always, my ninja turts are aged up to 30+ years. Don't be weird.

Please don't steal my work. Reblogging for others to enjoy is highly encouraged, though🤩

Chopsticks - Part 1

Having been close friends with the turtles for years, their vigilante ways had finally caught up with them. You were taken hostage by one of their many adversaries and tortured for more than a month before they could get to you.

Broken and beaten, they refused to let you out of their sight and emptied your apartment into the lair.

And rightfully so.

The terror and torment hadn't been targeted. It was meant to be pervasive - physically, mentally, emotionally.

You weren't you when the turtles finally got you back.

Body, mind, and spirit had been shattered and scarred just as their adversaries had intended.

Initially, they set up a spare room outside the lab, where you could come and go as you pleased and where Don could keep an eye on you.

Since you and Don were closest, that had been the most logical place for you to be.

It was small, but it was somewhere you could find some solitude and time to reorganize your thoughts. The turtles were hopeful that their loving support while allowing you to be primarily independent would help you regain your sense of self.

But it hadn’t worked out that way.

The malevolent cruelty you had endured had been too much for too long, causing what felt like irreparable devastation to your character and core being.

You weren’t just having nightmares. You had maladaptive daydreams. Ones that were sometimes worse than the night terrors. Ones that Don had only ever been able to stop by heavily medicating you into passing out.

Which was not optimal for the long run. You needed to learn proper techniques to calm you down when medication was no longer an option.

And so that meant there was only one place for you to stay that made sense. With the only being that had more patience and serene energy than a monk.

Leonardo.

Your bedroom was currently the guest room that was attached to Leo’s room since he was the only one who knew how to stop all the night terrors that had been a direct result of said abduction.

He was there whenever your lungs squeezed so tight you were sure you'd suffocate from the anxiety attack.

He was there when your tears threatened to drown you as they refused to stop.

He was there to hold you together when the world seemed too much, threatening to shake you apart at the seams.

He was there.

Never questioning.

Never judging.

Always there.

Loving you back into existence when you felt you were losing yourself to the darkness.

Finally, you were starting to feel like yourself again.

Spending more time out of your room than in.

Eating regularly and with everyone at mealtimes.

Smiles and laughter finally finding their way back to your heart.

And you knew it was all because of him.

Admittedly, you had started falling for the leader some time ago. Hoping, and sometimes even wondering if he didn't feel the same, with all the affection he showered you with daily.

But you squashed those feelings down.

Deep inside, you knew that spending all that time down there had brought you closer to each of them. Moreso with the Leader- seeing that you literally had to go through his room to get in and out of yours.

So you really shouldn't be reading into it too much.

It was the natural progression of a deeper friendship.

Right?

The comfort had reached the point that most of the time, the door between the two rooms was left open, the pair of you going back and forth as you pleased.

Sharing books.

Venting frustrations.

Offering advice.

You ate meals together and even helped one another with the chores the other didn't care for.

You did his laundry, he made your bed.

He was most definitely your best friend.

And you two were extremely close.

Maybe a touch too close.

Or maybe you were just overthinking the whole thing.

Letting your heart wander too close to the edge where it could so easily fall and shatter.

However…

Mike had made a sarcastic remark one day about “just knocking the wall down and making it one big room,” and Raph agreed as the words were leaving his younger brother's lips.

Your eyes darted to Leo, but only for a split second before Don decided to join the conversation. Commenting on how that might make things somewhat strange and maybe a little strained. The pair of you were besties and did everything together as it was. Surely, being in the same space at all times would cause some unavoidable friction.

Leo had gone perplexingly silent, his eyes trained on you.

Waiting

Watching

Assessing your response

After an uneasy giggle and a blush that made you feel like lava had been dumped over your head, Don found some unapologetic bravado and told you if that wasn’t a concern for you and you weren't afraid of a little unavoidable friction, then his bed was always open too… while giving your entirety a prolonged look of appreciation ending in a wink.

And if Mike's statement hadn't turned you completely beet red, Don's statement most certainly finished the job.

And that was mostly out of shock - that the tallest of the brothers had suddenly thrown a pickup line at you.

That suggestive.

And in front of his brothers, no less!

Admittedly, the pair of you had teasingly gone back and forth with stupid pick-up lines and a bit of silly, trivial flirting whenever you hung out, but it was all in good fun. It was very much platonic.

At least that's what you had thought at the time, anyway.

But now, here he was, making a clear and direct advance at you!

Not exactly sure what to make of it or how to feel, you saw the sobering expression fall over Leo's face as his eyes moved away from watching you and, instead, glared at the floor.

Your heart clenched as Leo ducked out of the room rather quickly after that. You tried to go after him but Don stopped you, reminding you it was time for your daily meditation with Splinter.

A defeated sigh left your lungs as you walked with Don to the dojo, having to unwillingly leave the blue-clad terrapin to his own devices.

Heartachingly, Leo seemingly tried to avoid you for the next week.

That was what it had felt like, anyway…

Well. At least your hopeful romantic heart could finally put that question to rest. His actions had rang loud and clear, and there was no need to wonder where his feelings lay…

Luckily, his evasion hadn't lasted for long.

Realistically, it couldn't.

I mean, you guys basically shared a room!

After some extra meditation time spent with his father behind closed doors in the dojo, he was soon back to his old Prince Charming self.

Back to sharing his blanket during movie night.

Back to pulling you into his lap when there weren't enough seats. And sometimes when there were.

Back to climbing into bed with you and holding you tight after you'd had a nightmare, churring and pressing soft kisses along your hairline all night long…

But alas, you knew in your heart of hearts that you'd been friend-zoned.

Recently, you’d found yourself wishing it was finally safe enough to move back into an apartment.

Between Leo being Prince Charming and Don now courting you like The Dark Prince, you needed a break!

You needed to get away.

To separate yourself and put some space between all of you.

Specifically Leo.

Because you were entirely and undeniably in love with him.

And you weren't sure how much more and how much longer you could endure his platonic affection before you broke and did or said something that ruined the friendship…

Unfortunately, you were stuck there with them because, according to both Leo and Don, the group that had taken you was still actively hunting you…

So there you would stay.

For an undetermined amount of time.

Trapped in the sewers with your feelings.

Along with the man who held your heart in a vice grip.

And his brother, who was also trying to steal your heart…

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