#my old coworkers were there at the meeting thing!! and we got lunch and it was so nice and i missed them

[sapsolais]

✨

[b3ach-bunn7]

hi, was wondering if you could do something for sero!!! i feel like i never see any fics for him. anything is fine!

I agree wholeheartedly!! I hope this doesn’t disappoint

CHOCOLATE BARS AND SLIDES

Sero Hanta, your cute coworker, always knows how to save the day

No powers AU, Office AU,

————————————-—————————————

Your desk chair squeaks under you as you adjust yourself for what you think might be the hundredth time today. You’d think that your employers would splurge on more comfortable chairs, considering your shift consists of sitting at your desk for ten long hours, but they were as cheap as they come.

You have a few hours before you’re off, but you know you can’t leave until you finish this presentation. You of course got lumped with it at the last meeting, too polite to tell your boss you were already painfully overworked to also add that to your list. You know stuff like this only pushes you up the company ladder, so you try not to complain too much. But it’s still annoying.

A knock sounds on your office door. A hand pops in holding a coffee cup before a grinning face quickly follows.

“Got an order for UA’s best employee.” Sero smiles, waving the coffee in the air.

If not for the living wage it gives you, your job gives you a blessing in the form of your cute coworker, Sero Hanta. He had the office right next to yours and you found yourself spending your lunch breaks together, getting drinks on Friday’s at the bar down the street. He would keep you company while you worked, lounging on the couch in your office, and you’d do the same. Even outside of work, you’d met all his old university friends and he’d met yours.

Of course, it’s very helpful that he’s also the most attractive person in the company. And also the most attractive person you know in general. Long, dark hair he always ties into a low bun when he’s really focusing on work. He’s so tall, and you’ve learnt the muscles under his work suit are hidden but there, having dragged him home after long nights out with too many beers, one of your hands not big enough to wrap round his arm. And that smile. Perfect teeth, the perfect grin. You love it every time it’s aimed at you and you do everything you can for him to do so.

You get up quickly and rush to the door. He’s ditched the coat of his suit and loosened the tie, rolled up the sleeves to his elbows. Things get much quieter the closer you reach closing, and the uniform rules also get much more lenient. He hands you the coffee and you ignore how your fingers brush against his, warm and soft.

“God, I love you.” You take a long sip and sigh contentedly. “I needed this.”

You sit back down at your desk and Sero takes a seat on your couch. “Are you talking to me or the coffee?”

“The coffee.” You take another sip.

“I’m unappreciated in my time.” Sero leans back, scratching his head. “What are you still working on? We’re finished in like, an hour.”

“I have to finish this thing, it’s for tomorrow. Aizawa gave it to me personally so if I don’t finish it I’ll personally be blamed.” You scrub at your eyes to try and wake yourself up.

“You nearly done?”

You nod. “I think. I should be out soon.”

Sero grins. “And then we’re going out for drinks?”

You shake your head and look back at your computer. “It’s a Wednesday, you alcoholic.”

“Yeah, so what? We haven’t hung out in ages.” He whines, leaning his head back against the couch. Your eyes trace the line of his neck, his sharp collarbones dipping into his button up and you quickly avert your eyes.

“I know. Aizawa has been giving me like, every piece of extra work we have. I don’t know why.”

“It’s because you never say no.”

You bite your lip, contemplating. “I can’t say no to Aizawa, he’s my boss.”

“That’s definitely not true, you workaholic.”

You type a sentence and nothing happens. You huff, tapping aggressively at the mousepad.

“Doubt that’s going to help.”

“Shush. God, it’s so hot in here.”

Your fan is broken and does nothing to stave off the heat filtering in from outside. It’s the end of summer, the last days of it already slipping away, but the autumn weather still hasn’t settled over the city. Your windows are open but you’re sure you’re sweating through your blouse. You unbutton the first two buttons, fanning yourself with your hand.

“It’s okay. I just need to read through everything and then I think I’m good to go.” The room is silent and you look up. Sero is staring at you quite intensely, his face a little red.

“You okay? I know it’s hot in here, my fan is broken.”

“Uh, yeah. I’m alright.” He sits up, adjusting himself. You peer at him for a second but you turn away.

“How long do you think it’ll take?”

You smile slightly. He’s looking at you expectantly, so excitedly. You feel bad to disappoint him when he’s come all this way to your office, with a coffee no less. But you’re tired. It’s been a long day. A long, hot day, and you have no intention of doing anything but getting home, showering and sleeping.

“I’m sorry, Sero. I’m gonna take a rain check on today.”

He pouts. “Come on, babe, please? It’ll be fun!”

“Actually, it’s not really a rain check since we never had plans.” You pointedly ignore the pet name he insists on using on you. You know that it means nothing considering the fact he calls Kaminari it more than you.

He says your name, dragging out the syllables. You try to ignore him but he’s now moved to stand at your desk, palms flat on the table. You look up and he’s looking right at you, brown eyes staring into yours.

“We won’t go out then. But promise you’ll get some rest tonight? You look dead on your feet.” He says softly.

His eyes crinkle with concern and a part of you knows he’s only pushing you to go out to make sure you’re okay. Sero knows better than anyone you’d rather overwork yourself than ask for help despite how much you might need it. Your heart clenches at the gesture and you smile softly. He does the same and you tug on his tie.

“Yeah, I promise. There’s reruns of criminal minds and a tub of ice cream calling my name.”

“That’s my girl.”

——-

The towel wrapped around your head slips as you bend down to light the candle on your bedside table. The shower had done everything to rejuvenate you, and the smell of your vanilla body wash wafts over your nose. You're wearing your comfiest joggers and your baggiest shirt, and had grabbed a spoon and your favourite ice cream to snuggle in bed with. Your laptop is set up above your duvet and you sit down excitedly, more than prepared for your night in.

You could start finishing the episode you’re on. You should, really. You remember a promise you’d made to a certain sexy coworker that you’d relax, but. You can’t help it. Before you can even decide against it you check the presentation one last time. It was done a couple hours ago before you came home and you know it’s perfect. But you need to make sure that all the slides are the right colour, that all the text is there. Just in case.

You click the Google slide. While it loads you dig your spoon into the carton. The chocolate melts over your tongue, but as you go back for another scoop, the ice cream drips onto the keyboard. You frown, rubbing at it with your finger. Which only makes it worse. You sigh, reaching for a tissue, and scrub at it m again. It cleans quickly and you smile triumphantly. You’re too tired to care for the sticky residue. You glance back up at the screen and you freeze.

Because it’s blank.

You seem to be back on your Home Screen. You pause. Maybe you didn’t actually click it. You look through your files and it’s not there. You curse because Google slides doesn’t have a rubbish bin, nothing you can look through to find the thirty page slide you just deleted.

“No, come on, please. Don’t do this to me.” You whisper to yourself.

You feel tears prickle behind your eyes. You’d spent so much time on this and Aizawa needed you to present it tomorrow. You spend another five minutes searching and you come to the horrible realisation that it’s gone.

Panic grips at your throat as you curse under your breath. You don’t know what to do and for some reason the first thing your brain can think of is to call Sero. If anyone can help you or at least just calm you down it’s him. It’s only nine in the evening so you know he’ll still be awake. Shaky fingers dial his number as you hop out of bed, laptop under one arm. You pace around your apartment as it rings once, twice, before he answers, voice deep and gravelly through the phone.

“Hello?”

“I deleted it! Sero, I deleted the slides, what am I going to do?”

“What?” The confusion is evident even through the crackle of the speaker.

You shake your head. “The slides Aizawa wanted. I-I don’t know how but I deleted them, Sero, I don’t know what to do.” Your voice cracks and you bite back tears. You hear shuffling on the other line.

“Hey, hey don’t worry about it. You’re 100% sure they’re deleted?”

“Yes. Yes, I looked everywhere. And I didn’t have a backup because I’m an idiot and I forgot. God, I’m so stupid.”

“None of that talk. Look, we can re-do them.”

You bite your lip. “It took me days, Sero. I- Will we have time?”

“We’ll have to try. They might not be as detailed as the originals were but I’m sure we can crack them out in one night. We’ll stay up all night if we have to.”

You nod a couple times and then you remember he can’t actually see you. You feel like crying again because there’s no way he’s actually this kind. “Okay. Thank you so much for this. For everything.”

“No problem. It’s what I’m here for. You wanna meet at yours?”

You glance at your cluttered messy living room, the dirty laundry piled on the floor. “I-I can’t do my place. You okay with yours?”

Sero goes quiet for a minute, and you hear voices in the background. “Uh, Kaminari invited some people over, so mine's a no go.”

You both take a moment to think of where you can meet. Your eyes land on the office keys on your coffee table.

“Hey, why don’t we meet at the office?”

“Will it be open?”

“I have a key.”

The line goes quiet for a minute.

“I won’t question that. Okay, I’ll be there in like, ten?”

“Sounds good. And again, thank you so much, Sero.”

“It’s alright, babe. I promise.”

You don’t stop to think once the line is cut, just quickly change into something a bit more presentable. You grab the first shirt and jeans you can find and rush out the door. You do make one stop to get some cans of coffee and snacks from the convenience store by your work. A little treat for Sero. You grab the chocolate bars you always see him eating and a couple bags of chips.

When you get there, Sero is leaning against the front doors. He’s wearing jeans and a hoodie. It’s weird seeing him in such casual clothes when you’re so used to him in a suit and tie. He looks up when he hears you walking in.

“Oh hey, did you-“

He’s cut off as you nearly knock him over in a hug, the bag of food rustling in your hands.

“Thank you, thank you, Sero, seriously.”

He laughs, arms circling around your waist to return the hug. He smells citrusy and you can feel the muscles underneath his hoodie as you slowly let go.

“I think you’ve said that enough.” He laughs. He immediately grabs the bag out of your hand as you fumble in your pocket for the key to the building.

“How do you even have access after hours, anyway?”

“Well, Aizawa caught me staying after closing so many times that he talked to security and let me have a key. He said at least that way I’m not trespassing after hours and I won’t get in trouble.”

Sero doesn’t respond so you turn, and he’s looking at you blankly. You squirm under his intense gaze.

“What?”

“You’re allowed after hours because you’re a workaholic?” He drawls and you shove his arm.

“No, I just- Shut up.”

The two of you wave to Hound dog, the night shift worker, and continue up to your office. Sero dumps the bag of food onto your desk before grabbing a chocolate bar and digging in.

“So what do we have to do?” He says around a mouthful of food.

“Well. I had about twenty slides? Or thirty? I can’t even remember now.” You walk over to your desk, fumble through its drawers and pull out a few papers.

“Aizawa gave me these for the presentation tomorrow. We have to summarise it all and make sure that everything highlighted is on the slides.”

He nods, peering at them over your shoulder where you’ve come to stand next to him. “Okay. So, give me half the stack to make into slides, you do the other half and we’ll just combine our stuff at the end.”

You nod and the two of you pull out your laptops. Sero props himself up on the couch. You consider sitting on the desk for a moment. It’s probably better for your back. But then Sero stretches, and his hoodie pulls up and you get a glimpse of what you think are abs, and you quickly decide to sit with him. You both place the laptops on the couch and sit so you’re facing each other, papers on your laps.

You work silently for a few minutes but then Sero asks how it all happened. You recount your nightmare incident with the ice cream, blushing furiously at the boyish laugh he lets out once you’re done.

“Ice cream caused you all this stress? Oh, you poor soul.”

You shake your head wistfully. “I’m never eating Ben and Jerrys ever again.”

Sero quitens and you glance up. He’s looking down at his laptop, eyebrows furrowed slightly as he focuses on a particular part of the paper he’s reading. You watched him tie his hair up moments before, and you wonder what it’d feel like if you just touched the wisps that fell over his face so effortlessly.

God, you’re such a creep.

“What were you doing before I called?” You clear your throat and hope the flush on your cheeks is not visible.

“Uh, you know. We were just hanging out.”

“You and Kami?”

Sero laughs nervously. “No, actually. Bakugo and Kiri and Mina. And Jirou.”

Your mouth gapes. “Oh my god, Sero! You were hanging out with all your friends and you ditched them to do paper work with me? At-“ you consult your phone quickly, “nine fifty seven?”

The tips of his ears go red and he shrugs. “I don’t mind. You needed my help.” His eyes shoot down to the screen.

You smile slightly. He’s refusing to look up at you, suddenly very interested in what colour to make his text. Only the fear of Aizawa’s wrath is stopping you from tossing your laptops on the floor and kissing him.

A shiver runs through your body. You rub your arms, curling up tighter against yourself. Despite the stifling heat during the day, the night welcomes a bitter cold that you were definitely not dressed for. Sero notices your shivering and immediately grabs his hoodie and yanks it off.

“Sero, no.”

“It’s fine, I run hot anyway.”

He throws it in your lap despite your protests. You huff but you’re too cold to refuse the gesture, so you slip the hoodie on. That same Sero smell infiltrates your nose and you pull the sleeves over your hands to warm them up.

“Thank you.”

He’s looking at you again, like he was in your office a few hours ago. That intense look that leaves you flustered and thinking that maybe he does like you back. You both stare at each other for a second, fingers stalling over the keys.

You clear your throat and break the silence.

The night continues with much of the same. Somehow, instead of being face to face like before, you’ve turned around so that your backs are resting against the couch, your shoulders and thighs touching. His body is warm next to yours, so you guess that he actually does ‘run hot’.

The two of you chat as you work and you find it much easier to recreate everything while he’s there to help and keep you entertained. And yet, despite all of his banter, you still find that you’re so terribly exhausted. The week had been long and despite the fact it was only Wednesday, (Thursday, judging by the fact it was now twelve am), you were tired.

You tried to push through. You only had one slide left. You decided that the heavy detail you used before was too much, and cut back almost everything to save time and effort. Sero had joked that that meant you never needed all that information in the first place, and you’d thrown a chocolate bar at him in retaliation. This was, despite the slides looking a little bare, something Aizawa couldn’t complain about.

And yet, though you’re so close to finishing, you feel your eyes fluttering shut. You cross your legs and adjust the laptop on your lap. This couch is so comfy. You never really noticed before. It’s probably why Sero is always lounging on it.

It won’t hurt if you shut your eyes for just a second, right?

——-

Sero jumps at the sudden weight on his shoulder. He turns to you to say something but finds that you’re asleep. On his shoulder. Your laptop is abandoned on your lap and Sero quickly grabs it before it slips off.

You’re both nearly done. He’s sure it will take a couple more minutes for him to finish everything up. You’d both been working on the same document, and he watched the icon with your name on it blink a few times before disappearing as he shuts your laptop.

He should probably wake you up. It can’t be good for your neck all bent like that. But you look so cute. He moves slightly and you make a little noise and bury yourself further into his arm.

God must be tempting him.

He’s sure it’s obvious he likes you. Half the office knows, but of course Sero likes you. How couldn’t he? Always smiling, always following along with whatever stupid thing comes out his mouth. Even though it might’ve been too much, your work ethic was unmatched by every one of your coworkers and he couldn’t help but admire it. You were funny and you both liked all the same things. You watched the same shows and you got along with all his friends, rambunctious enough to keep up with Kaminari and mouthy enough to even get along with Bakugo.

And it also didn’t help that you were gorgeous. Beautifully long lashes blinking behind even prettier eyes, that smile that lit him up from the inside. When he was in your office earlier and you’d unbuttoned some buttons from your blouse he’s sure he was about to combust. And then, when he was standing at your desk and could see the line of a lacy black bra peeking from behind it? That was enough for him to combust, and he quickly ducked out the room and ignored your confused expression as he coughed in his elbow to hide his furiously red face.

Sero has no clue if you know. Maybe today was enough to bridge the gap of uncertainty you both teetered on. His friends surely thought so, mad enough he was bailing on their monthly hangout to do paperwork.

“It’s not paperwork, guys, it’s love.” Kaminari had said, clutching his chest.

Him and the rest of his friends had watched as he quickly dashed around their apartment grabbing his laptop, his bag. Kiri and Bakugo were playing Mario kart, Kaminari egging them on, and the two girls painting each other's nails. It felt so similar to their days at college, and while he didn’t want to leave, the desperation and tears in your voice was enough to have him jumping out of his seat.

“It’s not love, it’s pathetic. The both of you. Just ask her out.” Bakugo rolled his eyes, shoving Kiris arm, trying to cover his view, out his face.

Sero grabbed his hoodie from his room, yelling out. “It’s not that simple!”

“It is! She so likes you back, everyone at UA knows.” Kaminari said around a mouthful of crisps.

“No they don’t.”

“I know, and I don’t even work there.” Mina quipped. The nail varnish brush dripped onto her clothes and she cursed.

Sero sighed. Where did he leave his keys?

“Look, it’s- I’ll think about that later, she’s really freaking out right now.” Sero found them under his suit jacket and shoved them in his pocket. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Sero’s getting some!” Kiri whooped, and Kaminari joined in.

He’d ignored them all and quickly left to meet you at the office. And when you appeared at the doors with that nervous smile on your face, hair pulled back messily, it made all the sense in the world why he ditched you for them. When you slipped his hoodie over your head, sat next to him instead of on your desk.

Sero doesn’t think he’s reading into things. He’ll ask you out. When you’re not ripping your hair out over work, if he can ever convince you to leave this room, he’ll ask you out. Maybe next time you’re getting beers, or next time he’s beating you in Mario Kart.

For now, Sero leans lower so you can rest your head better without hurting your neck. He should probably wake you up but instead, he continues typing, lulling you to sleep with the sound of the key clacking beneath his fingertips.

——————————-——————————-—————

I hope you all enjoyed!! I’ve been very anxious waiting to see if I got into uni, and now that’s all over I should be posting more regularly. leave any asks and I’ll try my hardest to get to them!!

[axtorturedxpoet13]

Enchanted - Joe Keery

Warnings: Angst. implied sumt, language.

Author's note: Here is the first part of the Enchanted series with Joe!! Hope you all enjoy. Dress is part two, so watch out for it soon! :)

“There I was again tonight. Forcing laughter, faking smiles. Same old tired, lonely place. Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy, vanished when I saw your face. All I can say is, it was enchanting to meet you. Your eyes whispered, have we met. 'Cross the room your silhouette starts to make its way to me.”

I got my dream job a year ago and met my dream guy, but it’s not the basic happily ever after you hear in the fairytales or see in the Disney Movies. My job created many sleepless nights, and my dream guy may have possibly had a girlfriend. We hit it off as soon as we met and became best friends instantly. He was who I called when I needed comfort and when I needed company. I met Joe when I became a production assistant on his show, Stanger Things. I worked closely with him and the cast, but Joe became my other half. We were always taking lunches together and hanging out in his trailer between takes. I was in love with him, but he had no clue and after seeing him with some brunette for over six months, I felt it was best to keep it that way. Tonight, was the premiere for the new season and I was beyond excited to see him all cleaned up and classically handsome. I wore my favorite red sparkly dress, curled my hair, and finished the look with a classic red lip. I felt like I was Marilyn Monroe attending a Hollywood premiere, but I was going alone. I walked the red carpet with some of my coworkers and chatted with all their dates. I tried to seem happy and like I was truly enjoying myself, but I only wanted to be here with one person, Joe.

“Hey kiddo, have you seen Joe yet?” I ask walking up to Gaten before he grabs me into a hug.

“Y/N! You look beautiful tonight. I believe he just arrived; he should be at the front of the carpet.” Gaten says smiling and pointing to the front of the carpet.

I turned around and seen Joe looking more handsome than I could ever imagined. He was in a basic black suit, with a red tie that matched my dress, almost like he read my mind. But the most surprising (and exciting part) was that he arrived alone. His usual brunette arm candy was nowhere to be seen. Me and Joe finally locked eyes and as if he knew I needed him, he came running to me, by passing all the reporters yelling his name for pictures or interviews.

“My girl! Holy smokes, you look amazing.” Joe says finally reaching me and wrapping me in a hug that makes my stomach erupt with butterflies. He holds my shoulders and admires my dress, before locking eyes with me again and smiling.

“Joey! You look dang handsome yourself.” I say placing a kiss on his cheek and accidentally leaving a bright red lip mark on his cheek.

“Shit! I’m sorry, I forgot about my lipstick.” I say laughing as I wipe it away and notice my cheeks becoming red.

“I don’t mind at all having proof a pretty girl gave me a kiss.” Joe says, his cheeks turning equally as red. My stomach turned at the flirting he was putting off tonight. Was I just playing tricks on myself, or did I finally have a chance with the boy I have been in love with since I first met him over a year ago. I felt every inch of insecurity and hopelessness leave my body now that I was with Joe.

“I think I pissed some reporters off by finding you. Want to come with me and walk the carpet properly?” He asked grabbing my hand and squeezing it. Joe could always read my mind. Its like he knew when I was feeling down or alone, and tonight was no exception.

“I would love to, Joey.” I said squeezing his hand back in reassurance. We walked the red carpet and Joe made sure I was on his arm for every picture. I felt like I was getting a glimpse of what it would be like to be Joe’s girl for real. I was brought back to reality when a reporter yelled, “Look! It’s our favorite set of best friends!” as Joe and I were walking past. Of course, Joe was my best friend and I never wanted to lose him, but I wish he knew how much I had fallen in love with him and how much I wanted to be everyone’s favorite couple.

“The playful conversation starts. Counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy. And it was enchanting to meet you. All I can say is, I was enchanted to meet you. This night is sparkling, don't you let it go. I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you.”

After we finally got to our seats for the showing, we were both exhausted from all the questions. Joe and I had a secret language that only the both of us understood. We spent many days on set joking and making fun of each other so much that it became second nature. Joe grabbed my hand midway through the screening when he could tell I was getting tired.

“Remember this scene? We could not film it for laughing so much at me having to take my shirt off.” Joe leans over and whispers in my ear. I start laughing remembering my cat calling and whistles that caused everyone in the scene to laugh and join along, which caused the whole scene to take way longer than we wanted.

“What can I say, Mr. Keery, I was just saying what we were all thinking.” I say as I nudged my head into his neck. He settles his head on top of mine while we finish watching the showing.

“You look beautiful tonight” Joe says placing a kiss on my head. My heart dropped into my stomach as my thoughts raced. Was I dreaming all his flirty remarks, or have we become so comfortable together that we say things without thinking. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it as my way of saying thank you.

The after party followed the showing and I mingled around the room without Joe for a bit. I was becoming anxious with the crowd and began to worry where Joe was or who he was with.

“Hey, pretty girl, you thirsty?” I heard someone say behind me and all my worries were gone once I noticed the familiar voice.

“I. Am. Dying” I say laughing and grabbing the wine glass from Joe, then taking a large swig.

“Slow down there hot stuff” he says grabbing me by my waist and pulling me in. My heart caught in my throat at his pet name and the way his hand fit perfectly on my curves.

“Can I be serious for a moment, Joey?” I say lying my head on his shoulder.

“Always” He says laying his head on top of mine.

“You always make me feel so comfortable at these types of things and I would not want to go anywhere without you” I say taking another swig of my wine.

“Ditto. You’re my absolute best friend”. He says placing a small kiss on my head. My heart dropped when he said best friend. Of course, we were but I yearned so badly to be more. Did he not want to? Maya sees us cuddled up by the bar and comes over with the biggest smile.

“Is it finally official?” She says giving me a hug once I released from Joe’s grasp.

“Is what official?” Joe says with a slight chuckle.

“You two! We have had bets on how long it would take, since apparently you two are the only ones who don’t know you are in love” she says. Joe clears his throat and I notice his mood shift.

“What? Us? Nope. Just best friends” I say forcing a smile.

“Yep, nothing to see here. Excuse me for a minute” Joe says running his hands through his hair. I watch as he walks away to the back.

“What was that all about?” Maya says, a concerned look forming on her face.

“I honestly have no idea. Maybe it’s just him who isn’t in love” I say, feeling tears forming in my eyes.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Maya says taking me to sit at one of the tables.

“Can I be honest with you?” I say, wiping my tears

“Of course!” Maya says, leaning to grab my hands

“I am so in love with that man and all he wants to be is best friends. I’m surprised his arm candy didn’t come tonight” I say looking to the ground.

“She has nothing on you. You have that man’s heart, he just has to admit it to himself” Maya says. I notice Joe emerge from the back and head over to us.

“The lingering question kept me up, 2 AM, who do you love? I wonder 'til I'm wide awake and now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door. I'd open up and you would say, "Hey" It was enchanting to meet you”. All I know is, I was enchanted to meet you. This night is sparkling, don't you let it go, I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew that this night is flawless, don't you let it go. I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you. This is me praying that this was the very first page. Not where the story line ends. My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again. These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon. I was enchanted to meet you. Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you.”

“I think I’m going to head home, I am exhausted” I say as Joe returns to the table. He can tell something is on my mind, but this time he doesn’t ask what.

“Do you need any company on the ride home? I can call us a cab” Joe asks, grabbing my hand and squeezing it in his knowing way.

“I’m okay, I can just call a cab and call it a night. Thank you, handsome” I say, kissing Joe’s cheek.

“Anything for my girl” he says wrapping me in one final hug. I look over to Maya who is smiling at the exchange with an I told you so look to me. Joe walks me to the cab.

“Listen, about what Maya said…” He begins.

“No, it’s all okay. Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tomorrow for our movie night?” I say smiling and squeezing his shoulder.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world” Joe says opening the car door for me. I climb in as Joe shuts the door and I smile at tonight’s events. All of the flirting Joe did and how clingy he was to my body. All of the looks exchanged across the room between the two of us. I began to blush and smile at how lucky I am to have Joe in my life, even if it is just as a best friend. I begin to wonder if I take up as much space in his mind when we aren’t together as he does mine. I get home to my empty apartment that overlooks New York City. I texted Joe to let him know I made it home. I grab a glass of wine and sit down to read a book by the window illuminating my apartment with the lights of NYC, still in tonight’s dress, too exhausted to take it off. I checked my phone and Joe never replied, which is not like him, but my guess was his lady showed up after I left the party. My heart sank at this thought, and I hoped I wasn’t right. The thought of him taking her home and touching her body the way I dreamed of at night made my stomach turn. I hear a knock at my door that breaks my train of thought. I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I get up and open the door.

“Listen to me and don’t say a word” It was Joe pushing past me into my apartment.

“About what Maya said…” He began

“Joe, I said it’s fine….” But he shuts me up with his lips crashing onto mine. I feel like I am in a dream as my head spins.

“I said don’t say a word, damn it.” Joe says breaking the kiss. I blush and suddenly cower in his now dominate presence.

“I am so in love with you, Y/N. I have been since the moment we met. I never admitted this to you for the fear I would lose you as a friend and I could not bear the thought of my life without you” Joe says pulling me in close, touching his forehead to mine.

“But I don’t care anymore. I am so damn in love with you, Y/N and no other girl compares to you.” He says staring deep into my eyes with those big hazel puppy dog eyes.

“Can I talk now?” I say giggling as Joe wraps his hands around my waist, causing me to shiver at his touch.

“The floor is all yours, beautiful” He says smiling down at me.

“I am so damn in love with you too, Joesph David Keery. I always have been. You are not only my best friend, but the absolute love of my life. It has been a tortuous 6 months watching you with another girl” I say, grabbing his hands to lead him to the couch.

“You have no idea how magical you have made my night. You looked like a princess tonight you know that? My princess” He says crashing his lips onto mine again. This time it’s more aggressive and needy. I know exactly what Joe wants and so do I.

“Joey, Baby?” I say breaking our kiss.

“Mhmmmhm?” He says pushing me further down on the couch, his hands becoming more and more needy and roaming every inch of my body.

“Take me to my bedroom and make up for every moment you never confessed your love to me” I say taking his hand to lead him to my corner bedroom.

“I’d love you for the rest of our lives if you asked me to, baby girl” Joe says following in behind me.

To be continued…..

[eunoiasuniverse]

Someone new -Ch 2

Hello, lovelies :) things are going to spice up in chapter 3. Currently, I am revising stuff because I have written this a while ago and I was going over chapter 2 and all I can say is, what the fuck was I actually writing. LMAO. I fixed the chapter and made it bearable…I hope <3 words: 1.2K

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · · · · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Your alarm rings and you reach over to the clock and turn it off. You roll out of bed and then open the curtains. The morning dew painted the bushes lightly, the sun brightening your morning. You stretch as you walk into your closet and grab your uniform. You carried your tired body to the bathroom and began to get yourself ready. 

You enjoyed your job at the senior center. You hear so many stories from all these lives that these people got to experience. Not to mention, you were always called beautiful by all the residents. Luckily you were with the more independent residents who didn't require help every single step of the way. Although you have worked in the dementia building before, you didn't like it as much. 

You tied your hair into a neat, slicked-back bun and then placed your work bonnet on your head. You straightened out your dress and then tied your apron on. You slip on Mary Jane’s and then make your way out of the apartment. You lock the door and begin your walk.

You skipped on your way to work and then greeted the receptionist. You walked back to the time punch and grabbed your card. A few of your coworkers walked by you whispering and giggling. 

“y/n!” one of them speed walks over to you. 

“Yes?” you smile putting your punched card back in its slot. 

“There’s someone here and he's super handsome. He’s visiting your favorite resident too! She says he's her son” your coworker giggles softly. 

“Well you know she's going to be on my ass if I don't see her right away. Remember when she yelled at me all because I was a minute late to say mornin' to her,” you giggle.

“How could I forget,” the two of you walk to the back towards all the residents. “She forces you to tell her about your love life,” she teased you.

“Don’t remind me. It’s torture. She knows I don't have time for that,” you laugh softly as you walk past her room. 

“Oh dolly…I don't think it's a good idea right now…” she points secretly at all the men in the room. 

“Ahh.. you're right… better hurry before she sees me and I get scolded,” you quicken up your pace and pass her room.

Your day went as smoothly as possible. You had a few residents falls and some vitals you had to take but nothing major. Before you know it, you were on your lunch break. You make your way back to Mrs. Mancini’s room. You place a small knock on the door and hear her sing ‘come in’. 

You open the door and realize her son is still there, “Oh! I’m so sorry… I can't leave you two be…” your eyes meet the man and your heart drops. It was him, the man from the Baratie. You quickly straighten yourself up and brush your dress. 

“You! I haven't seen you all day!” for an old woman, she practically runs up to you. “Now why didn't you visit me earlier?! I was worried sick about you! Makin’ me think you were avoiding me…or even worse you quit!” she scolds you. 

“So sorry ma’am,” you stifle your laughter, “I saw you had guests and I didn't want to disturb you.” she hits your shoulder with her hand fan. 

“At least you have respect and manners...unlike some people,” she quickly turns her head towards the man who is lighting a cigar. He looks up at you guys before putting his lighter in his suit pocket.

“I know you from somewhere..dollface,” he says with a slight smirk in his tone. 

“Dear..” his mom pitches in, “Be respectful to this cute girl. She is the one taking care of me and all.”

“Yeah yeah,” he mutters and shifts his gaze.

“I have to be on my way since I'm here on my break. But I will be back with your afternoon meds when I'm done. And ma’am, don't hesitate to call me and the other girls up. We are very happy to be here with you,” you smile and then proceed to take your leave. 

“Isn’t she just a doll,” Mrs.Mancini gushes, “Oh I would love her as my daughter-in-law. She's my favorite staff here. She takes great care of me and all the others. I'm surprised she doesn't have a husband…oh, I could go on this whole rant about how darling she is!”

“I'm not marryin’ her… I’m a busy man Ma. I have a business to run.” he gruffs. 

“I know life has been hard, especially since your father passed and you had to take over. I’m just glad you have help sorting things out. Please do consider having a life outside of your work. Go out and find someone you want to spend time with and who would be willing to accept you and your job. I worry about you. You’re a wonderful son and I want what’s best for you…” she sighs, “but you two would make me such beautiful grandbabies!”

“Okay I'm leaving,” he stands up quickly. 

“NO!” she smacks his chest. 

“Ma…”

“You never listen to your poor, old, weak mother anymore.” She says in a dramatic tone.

“I’ll visit tomorrow okay?” he bends down and kisses her cheek, “I’ll go grab a vase for you so you can put these in it.”

You throw away your lunch trash and walk around the dining area. You clean tables that have empty dishes and you talk to the residents at the tables. You hand the dishes to the kitchen staff and begin your rounds, assisting residents who didn’t go out to lunch. 

You walk out of a resident’s room and see the man from last night waiting outside the room for you. “Can I help you?” you ask with a smile. 

“Can I have a vase for some flowers in my ma’s room?”

“No worries, I can grab it and bring it to her.”

“No, it’s okay. Don't worry about it, Doll.”

“Okay…follow me.” You lead the man to the supply room and you search for vases. Your heart was pounding. Why was he waiting for you? How did he know where you were?

“So, you also work at the Baratie?”

“I do…” you say as you search through random cubbies. 

“May I ask why?”

“More money…can pay for rent and the necessities…” you pull down a vase and dust it off. You hand it to him and smile, “Anything else?” 

He shakes his head and then clears his throat. He stares at the vase and then looks up at you, “I think you're gorgeous dollface. I can tell you're hard workin’ and I love that in a woman,” he takes a second and then softens his gaze, “Can I ask you to dinner tonight?” 

“Oh! I mean I get off at 5 tonight, if that’s okay…”

“Yes, that’s meet me at the Sapphire Soirée. 6:30. Dress all pretty for me yeah?”

“I guess I’ll see you later,” you smile and quickly walk off, blushing like a schoolgirl

[boyswanna-be-her]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm recounting all of this kind of mundane shit about BFR for myself because guaranteed I'm going to be trying to understand/recap this narrative while im lonely in colorado. And honestly I know it's gonna be easy for me to forget details and second-guess shit that feels so obvious to me in the moment. So if you don't want a blow by blow of this absolutely PG romantic relationship, just skip this one for now.

Today was really nice and the first day in a little while where I haven't had anything pressing to do. It was pouring at the clinic today--has been all week. Yesterday I sat in my front seat w BFR and we smoked a joint together and made fun of the one wet protester until the rain passed. Great morning.

We had lunch together at one of my favorite taco spots in my old neighborhood, and then we had to walk back to the thai place where we ate dinner the night before bc they'd left their sunglasses behind. We went to a coffee shop for a while where they patiently waited for me to be done with a working meeting on my laptop. Then we took a walk in the park in between rain. It was just seamless, idk. There's no question that we'll go do the next thing together. When the rain wouldn't let up at the park, I suggested we go to one of my fave places in the city, and I drove us to a giant used bookstore that was a few miles away.

I didn't realize until we got there that they'd never been before!! I try to take everyone I can there if they're from out of town, and it is ABSOLUTELY my favorite place to both take a new date and have a special date with an established partner. I don't feel guilty about taking basically everyone I've ever dated there--a good date is a good date. There's a lot of built-in conversation to be had and it's easier than a bar and free to wander around. We accidentally killed an enormous amount of time there, and we shot the shit about 20th century history which is my jam, so amazing to talk abt it w someone who can hang, READS, and doesn't have anything to prove in terms of static knowledge recall.

We hung out for a little while but they had yoga and I wanted to head home so we split up after that and it felt... weird? Like it always feels like there's this last step we are missing to our goodbyes. They forced a hug one time when we were saying goodbye from the clinic, but it was really early on and RIGHT when I was coming to terms with being attracted to them (like second time seeing them after having the realization) which means I was in ultra robot mode, and also assumed it was one-sided and they were just trying to be nice. Like I literally think I did a one arm side hug and they were so dejected they never tried again. Now we're weeks later and it feels weird that we're not kissing goodnight or something.

But I had the evening to myself and finally broke down and talked to someone from my real life about them. He was very affirming that I'm not insane, and just recapping the timeline to someone made it make more sense in my mind. I didn't even have to present half of my evidence for my friend to say yeah, that's going in A Direction. I just second guess it all for a variety of reasons, but for example when I screenshotted a text and sent it as evidence that I feel like they text me like a coworker sometimes, my friend pointed out that nobody in the history of neutral coworkers has ever crafted such a long and careful text. Which. Touche.

This morning we were back out at the clinic bright and early. My friend was supposed to join us but she couldn't at the last minute. Instead she dropped into the chat and asked if someone could fill in for her. If I didn't feel like we were already attracting attention (spoiler: we are), i would've REALLY preferred to jump in and say "noooo worries, no third wheel needed please." But we are getting a little visible. So I didn't. And BFR's friend jumped in to take my friend's place volunteering with us.

I ended up being really happy the friend was there though! The two of us are more like a couple when there IS a third person there, although the vibe can be a lot to navigate sometimes and I often have to shut down and take some time to myself. It wasn't unwelcome to have him there though. It makes the vibe between me & bfr more apparent, pronounced, whatever. We already have such a shorthand in common which 😍 wrow, communication fluency.

I invited his friend to lunch with us, and he accepted, and it was fun--I took them to my favorite Greek place which is legit like three blocks from the clinic.

Friend went on his way, the two of us moved to the next location: their favorite spot to work. I also love this location bc you can watch the afternoon rain and vape furiously on the porch without getting wet. Like I said, today was the first day in a while where neither of us had much to do in the way of work. They have been threatening to inflict their favorite board game on me for a while now, and it finally happened today. I am notoriously uninterested in board games (more like bored games amiright) but the combo of my biggest fan being excited to teach/compliment me on how AMAZING i am at it (rofl lying but ok) and the inherent fun of the game meant that I, uh, had a lot of fun, unfortunately.

We did two REALLY close rounds, and in the second game they almost fully missed a work call they had at 7:00 (I remembered bc i am insane but I also didn't mention it until 6:50 bc I thought maybe they were goofing on me and pretending like they'd lost track of time). Turns out they had been planning on muting and barely looking at the meeting anyway bc they didn't wanna stop playing--which is flattering but I'm also like "[Redacted], i already very much want the best for you, INCLUDING not becoming completely codependent and risking your living bc im so charming and fun" so there was a lot of me pausing the play and asking about the meeting.

By the time that was over, we were already butting up against the time we were supposed to meet their friends to lift tonight. We hadn't eaten dinner but they offered to feed me at their place which was perfect. We went straight back and holy shit their homemade leftovers were delicious.

Their friends came on time to lift and the first thing out of the mouth of the one who knows me better was "you and [redacted] have really been spending a lot of time together huh?" The two of us made eye contact and kinda laughed and BFR said "yep" and both made the 😬 face and the friend wouldn't let it go and repeated "you guys spend all day together now..." and my 😬 face couldn't get any more intense and he said "all day... today..." i said "yep we're pretty codependent." (I'd made the same not-joke yesterday when I was very truly pointing out that I don't remember what to do with my alone time anymore, and they not-jokingly replied "yeah we've ruined each other." Which like. At least we're aware.) Only later did I realize that BFR mustve been talking to the friend about it bc I definitely wasn't and there was no public talk about it in our shared discord so 👀 bitch i see u chatting in private abt me.

Lifting was incredible as always. Their friends who are a decade younger than us and sometimes join us, sometimes don't, really crack me up and I have such a good rapport with one of the guys that I think I lift better with him around (the one who was giving us a hard time tonight). He dishes out the abuse I give him while lifting, which I love. Between him and bfr, I feel like a fucking all-star lifter in that little garage gym. They talk positively about my form when they don't even realize I can hear them. Even so, BFR will not hesitate to call me out when a lift looks bad or I need a cue.

So yeah. It's nice. Hanging out at their place, being fed, getting let in on a LOT more inner details than I got in the first months of knowing them. That's all lovely. I always try to text them and let them know when I've had a lot of fun with them, and that's just basically turned into a nightly check-in. On Sunday, I got a very coworkery (imo) message from them about enjoying our time together, thanking me for my "wonderful company," thanking me for spending so much time together, thanking me for attending so many events with them, and saying that they are "definitely down to keep hanging out in the future." At the time I felt like "that's a weirdly formal way to put all this" but getting home to tonight's much more neurotic message made it make more sense (along w the feedback from a trusted friend who makes good points). Like it was a careful message because they are being exceedingly careful with me. They know some of my more obvious damage (all the psychic sucking chest wounds are hard to ignore after a few weeks of learning about me, and i've been going out of my way to be quite "warts and all" with them). They value our time together A LOT. And the more that I understand our similarities, the more I know that they're also likely really fucking scared to endanger the chemistry of this friendship by introducing ANY other dynamic.

Im finally getting to the end here. Tumblr will probably eat this entry. I'm posting it before a full edit--RIP anyone parsing this.

But the message that I came home to tonight was FINALLY a little more vulnerable, and essentially said that if I want to spend LESS time with them, I'm going to have to tell them that straight up, and that that'll be ok, but if so they need to lnow because this is the amount of time they want to spend with me (all of it), and they don't anticipate that changing.

So! Guess I'll puke and die now! Literally spent five minutes last night considering how I could smuggle them to Colorado with me. Also I haven't had anywhere to put this but since this is an all-bfr all the time blog now, we are going to go on a trip together to chicago in August! There's an actual reason to go other than lovefest vacation (pretty much a work trip for them that I've been asked to tag along for) but as we are actually finalizing the trip plans, it definitely feels more than a little bit like we are going on a lovefest vacation. Which is all the more reason why it would be great to not be hella conspicuous (even though it's a little fun being hella conspicuous).

Like I didn't need another human to come validate my existence, but I *did* need to meet someone who could threaten the idea that I'm ready to die alone. It's nice. It's all nice!! I'm definitely not crying and throwing up!!!

[kyndaris]

Fourth Time's the Charm?

Dating, as many people know, is hard. There have been many a person I've chatted to on Hinge where the conversations stalls before the first date. Other times, it's at the very first meeting where I know me and the potential future life partner won't be compatible. And, on the odd occasion, it's the second date where it all falls apart. But what blows my mind is that I can count on one hand how many have reached the third date before calling it quits and ghosting me on whichever app we're chatting on. Clearly, I'm not someone who is easy to date. Which is...fair.

But with Dikottir, we've managed to reach the elusive 'fourth' date. Although, I do find it hard to classify it as a date. Primarily because I only arranged for a meet-up so I could offload souvenirs I'd purchased for Dikottir while overseas.

For context, during my trip to South Korea and Japan, Dikottir and I had remained chatting in the vague sense I'd told him of some of my adventures (a little tit for tat as he's often just sent me dog photos). While I was in Nagasaki, he mentioned that castellas were a much prized treat and that I ought to try one.

Which, of course I did (one point I'd like to emphasise here though, is that bleachpanda and I did try a castella even before Dikottir mentioned it).

As I was sightseeing across the city, bleachpanda and I would often stumble upon many a souvenir shop selling all types of merchandise. Many featured Nagasaki's unique food, such as the aforementioned castella, but there were also champon noodles and pork belly buns, as acrylic charms or as figurines.

So, given where our conversation had led, I, of course, picked up two charms I thought Dikottir might appreciate.

The minor offering was later augmented with a Hufflepuff keyring. Why Hufflepuff you may ask? Well, in Dikottir's own words he was a proud badger who loves food. And given Hufflepuff is located right next to the kitchens, he was all in to giving the oft overlooked Hogwarts House some much needed love.

Anyways, the two of us arranged for a meetup at a dessert bar in the suburb of Zetland where I could hand off the charms I got him and then be off on my merry way for the rest of the day. Sure, we'd eat a cake and maybe get a drink but this wasn't supposed to be a long engagement like my previous dates with Dikottir.

This time round though, Dikottir was the first to arrive. As I rocked up to the cosy cafe, I noted Dikottir on his phone, waiting outside. With a quick greeting, we headed inside to make our orders and sit around eating cake.

And it was a good catch-up.

As always, we chatted about things in our lives and the current issues plaguing society. You know, the deep meaningful conversations one might have with people you might still don't know super well but are slowly acclimatising oneself to as time goes on.

It's certainly better than being talked at about some niche aspect of a popular video game (which, don't get me wrong, I love video games. A majority of my posts are about the video games I play but when people start bending my ear for a month about what they did in the multiplayer for Mass Effect 3 and how they'd ripped the geth to shreds in very intricate detail, my attention does begin to wander).

Dikottir and I talked and ate cake until about 1 PM. But when I thought we would be parting ways, Dikottir surprised me by suggesting lunch at The Cannery, a local place that was just a ten minute walk away in the suburb of Rosebery.

Since I didn't have anything too pressing, given this was the weekend after the Easter long weekend (and I'd come from a roadtrip with the family up to Port Macquarie to visit a family friend), I had plenty of time on my hands. So, off we went, although our conversation slowly turned towards mental health and the people we happened to encounter in our lives struggling with their grasp on reality. His was a friend and ex-coworker while mine was an old high school friend I no longer associated with.

Whereas Dikottir's example had held ideas of grandiosity where they would move to the United States and their life would be rosy, mine is still struggling with self-induced psychosis (possibly an exaggeration on my part but every time I've been updated on their status, it seems they fall further down the rabbit hole). But in the end, the two of us agreed that there was no point in throwing ourselves in the figurative fire to try and rescue those threatening to self-destruct because of their maladaptive beliefs/ thought processes. Something that was reiterated to me by someone who works at a mental health clinic when I divulged a little of the details of my mentally ill ex-friend.

Do I sometimes feel guilty for stepping away?

Yes.

But even before they'd fully gone off the deep-end, I'd slowly started to resent them for not contributing enough to our house hunting needs and failing to offer any help as I did most of the work.

Our dynamic, unfortunately, didn't work. And I had always felt uncomfortable in how they'd previously put me on a pedestal. As if I was someone who could do no wrong. Even as I was struggling with my own familial relationships at the time!

Anyways, that's not something I want to go into just yet. If you want to read about the fallout in our friendship from a semi-vague viewpoint, look out for my posts in 2022.

After our grim discussion, Dikottir and I arrived at the Cannery. Given that it was lunch time, we had a quick look at the Saturday stalls and the goods they had on offer. Once we had looked through everything once, Dikottir and I stopped at Frenchies Bistro and Brewery where I got a prawn and lobster roll while Dikottir was satisfied with his plate of tortellini.

Some might consider it strange to have lunch right after chowing down on dessert, but it worked for us. Plus, the ambiance was nice, the company was great and there was no pressing need to hurry back home.

All in all, it was a much more relaxed date that I shared with Dikottir this fourth time round. Whether or not it will eventually lead to anything is still up in the air.

Dikottir is a nice enough fellow who has some very funny stories. And he's not so hyperfixated on only one topic. And much like Shrek, who came before him, he knows how to converse instead of making it completely one-sided. Plus, he also has a good job and hasn't shown me any red flags of an explosive temper that could lead to physical violence.

So, if we are talking about actual potential future partner prospects, Dikottir is one of the strongest contenders for my affections I've met. And we're still chatting!

And yet, I don't think I feel anything beyond possible friendship?

Dating as an asexual (who might be a closeted lesbian although my date with Eivor didn't see me catching feels, so maybe I truly am ace/ aro) is hard. I don't understand the lust most people have. And while I do get obsessive squishes (something Sorrengail - and fellow ace - mentioned once to me), I don't know if my brief bout of wanting to know more about a person will actually lead to romantic love like 'holding hands' and the much dreaded 'kissing.' On the other hand, since I'm trying to 'date,' many of these more natural things people just end up doing is on my mind and I wonder if my dates will actually try to hold my hand, etc. and how I'd react if they did.

While I don't think I would reject Dikottir if he did ask to hold my hand, I am somewhat touch averse. Something I made clear when Dikottir escorted me back to the train station and we said our goodbyes.

To be fair, Dikottir did ask if he could give me a hug and I did warn him I'm very bad at hugs, but he didn't seem to mind.

So maybe there's hope?

I certainly didn't 'get the creeps' after returning his hug.

Anyways, the future remains unwritten for the dating life of Kyndaris. Time will tell if I'll ever end up with anyone or if I'll just become a single mum seeking a sperm donation because the idea of having a kid is not instantly repulsive to me.

But suffering through childbirth does kinda terrify me. Especially when I've read horror stories about all the things that could go wrong.

[maguneedsalife]

the judaism weeaboo

back with another fun work story bc this has been going on for five years and we all finally got sick of his shit 

Okay, so. This guy. Let’s call him Bob.

Bob is a non-Jewish individual in our local community who has a deep fascination with Judaism, but has said he has no desire to convert. Instead he seems to like talking with Jews in order to show off his knowledge and explain our traditions back to us. I’ve taken to calling him a Judaism weeaboo, as his general know-it-all attitude and lack of respect for actual Jews is similar to the way weeaboos behave around Japanese people.

Bob has been in contact with us for a few years now, with most of our contact in 2018 and waning considerably in the pandemic. He is usually cordial and friendly on the phone, but in reality he does not have a lot of self awareness, nor does he demonstrate any real respect for synagogue staff or the Jewish community. When he calls he keeps staff on the line for a really long time, either showing off his own knowledge of judaism or trying to get us on his side. He’s never threatening or angry, just persistent.

Things Bob has asked about:

whether he can email us entirely in hebrew

whether i speak hebrew (and when I responded that I didn’t, he said “the conservative movement has great resources for learning hebrew” implying that i should know hebrew)

whether it would be alright for him to attend a bat mitzvah so he can say mazel tov to a 13 year old girl he does not know and who does not know him

whether it would be okay for him to record a class (and when we said no because our members aren’t comfortable being recorded by a stranger he tried to debate us on it)

whether he can add a message to our refuah shlemah/get well list wishing the (then-pregnant) rabbi an easy birth in hebrew (not what the list is for)

Bob attended services occasionally pre-pandemic. At the after-service lunches he consistently tried to corner the rabbis for a discussion, and on at least one occasion ran over a synagogue member’s toes with his chair. He has also attended classes held at the synagogue, and made the other people in the class uncomfortable with his know-it-all attitude. He even had an appointment with one of the rabbis once, during which he made her extremely uncomfortable with the endless mansplaining/debating/etc. Bob has been trying to get another appointment with that rabbi for years. He has not specified why he wants to talk (only that he likes talking with her and “appreciates her wisdom”) so I can only assume he is looking for another chance to debate an expert and show off.

I don’t have a mean bone in my body so I unfortunately haven’t been able to be clear with him that he’s not going to get that appointment, just continually telling him the rabbis aren’t available to meet with non-members and hoping he’ll either get the hint or give up. My previous boss tried to tell him off more clearly in the past, and it only resulted in him calling the front desk to complain that she was rude to him and that he would like a written apology from her. He has called multiple times asking for the written apology.

Anyway. He hadn’t called in a while so I assumed he finally decided to move on, but today he calls and I unfortunately answer the phone before I notice the name on caller ID. He wants to know if the rabbis are available between shavuot and “the 17th of Tammuz” (when prompted for the english date he just repeated the hebrew one). I passed him to my coworker for backup because they have an easier time telling folks off. Bob proceeded to keep them on the line for almost an hour, holding them past closing time so he could air his various grievances and try to get them on his side. He barely let them get a word in and did not answer their questions. He also apparently referred to one of our rabbis as a “Jewess” (which is a SLUR). 

They finally managed to end the conversation and then were like “ok so I’m going to send him an email explaining why we aren’t going to speak to him and I’m copying our boss.” Tomorrow I’m learning how to block numbers in our phone system so im just like. prayer emoji that we never hear from him again

anyway. now you all know about bob

(please don’t send me advice for what to do about bob, i’m not looking for help with my bob-related problems nor looking for possible explanations for his behavior. we are going to very clearly tell him we’re done talking to him and then block his number.)

[nysocboy]

Gemstones Episode 1.8 Review: Kelvin's testicles, Jesse's butt, and ancient Philistine penises

In the last episode, Scotty kidnapped Gideon and Jesse, forced them to open the church vault, and stole the Easter offering money, incidentally confessing that he had been in love with Gideon.  Judy and BJ had a breakup scene, but Kelvin and Keefe barely appeared.  In Episode 1.8,, their romance is centric. 

An Old Man's Dick:  It's still Easter evening.  After dropping off Judy at her house, Baby Billy asks Tiffany "Who wants to suck an old man's dick?" She goes down on him while they are driving down dark country roads near the estate.  Suddenly Scotty, driving away with the money he stole, runs a stop sign and crashes into their car!   They are unharmed, but Scotty is near death (Tiffany finishes the job by accidentally shooting him).  Then they steal the money.  An interesting call-back here: earlier Scotty implies that he forced Gideon into oral sex, and he dies while interrupting consensual oral sex, an ironic punishment of the sort you would see in 1950s horror comics. 

Top five young ministers:  Gideon admits to being Scotty's partner in the offering-theft plan, and is rejected by Eli and Amber.  But he doesn't mention his part in the blackmail plan!  We cut to Jesse telling his siblings that they are in the clear. But how do they know he won't tell later, and implicate them in the assault?   Worried that he'll be arrested, Kelvin is having anxiety attacks and "sharp shit pains in my stomach" (hemorrhoids?).   Even if he wasn't convicted, the scandal would destroy his career.   "I was in the Top Five Young Ministers to watch last year -- I got a reputation -- a following."  Wait -- if he's so famous, why is his whole plot arc about proving his worth?

Denim brings lunch:  We cut to scenes where Baby Billy and Tiffany leave town with the offering money, Eli worries that the whole enterprise is corrupt, and Jesse apologizes to Gideon for pushing him away and starting the whole mess. Eli admits, for the only time in the series, that the church's finances are not entirely above-board.

 Next, Judy tries to mend her relationship with BJ by bringing him lunch at the optometrist office.  Whoops, his coworker Denim already picked up lunch.  "So you're having sex with BJ?"  No, she's a lesbian -- she has a wife.  This does not convince Judy, who calls her: "One of those benevolent lesbians, out to meet a hot guy, make friends with him, so you can sample-suck some clean dick."  BJ's nonchalance about LGBT people, plus Judy's sort-of nonchalance, will become important later.

He refuses to take Judy back, so she storms into the parking lot and starts destroying cars, finally getting arrested.

Hemorrhoids and Testicular Tumors: Keefe is swimming while Kelvin tries not to look at the body that is giving him so many unwelcome desires.   He wants to know how he can rid the world of darkness, when he's surrounded by it: his mother died, Eli was assaulted, the church was robbed.  He concludes that God is punishing the family for "not being who we say we are."  But Kelvin had nothing to do with those things. How does "not being who we say we are" apply to him?

"Don't you think God is being a little harsh?" Keefe asks.  We all wear masks; we hide things even from ourselves.  

Kelvin laugh/cries and says "I think we're getting off easy...when the Philistines stole the Ark of the Covenant, God punished them with hemorhhoids and testicle tumors."  

He's referring to an obscure story in 1 Samuel 4-5, where the Philistine thieves were punished with opalim. The King James Bible translates the Hebrew word as "emeroids" (now "hemorrhoids") and the NIV as "tumors."  An article in Biblical Archaeology Review points out the importance of penises in Philistine art, and suggests"flaccid penises."   No one mentions testicles; apparently Kelvin invented it, to correspond to the glimpse of Keefe's testicle that began his recognition of his homoerotic desire.

Next: "You should go, Keefe."  Keefe doesn't understand: "You want me to make a store run?"  Kelvin becomes angrier and angrier: "Go.  Leave.  Get out. I am no longer fit to lead you!" 

Kelvin scratches his butt as he says this.  Apparently he has hemorrhoids, and thinks that God is punishing him -- an ironic punishment for having anal sex? Will testicular tumors come next? 

Keefe disagrees: "There's no one more worthy than you."

 "Get the fuck out of here! Now! Do I need to call security, motherfucker?"  This is shockingly aggressive.

Keefe wades away, holding his swimsuit like he held his shirt during the mushroom head scene.  The intimacy he enjoyed that night has been revoked.  Kelvin falls into the pool and screams and cries.

Why does Kelvin send Keefe away?  If he's no longer qualified to be a spiritual leader due to the assault of the blackmailers, they could certainly continue to live together.  It must have something to do with the "hemorrhoids and testicular tumors," the intimacy they shared, or even homoerotic desire itself.  Kelvin believes that it is evil, demonic, that Keefe is a serpent who tempted him.  I don't care much for this association between LGBT identities and sin, but the show has been careful to establish that it's in Kelvin's head, not a general theme, structurally or in-universe.  

Jesse's Butt: Jesse invites his crew and their wives to "movie night," but the movie is actually the video of their sex-and-drugs party. He has decided to come clean: "These flawed men and myself have participated in some illicit, sinful activities."  Is this a callback to Kelvin's belief that he has participated in "illicit, sinful activities" with Keefe?

No one wants to see the video except Mandy, Chad's wife. Jesse advises that she might not want to because it features "Chad's gray testicle." Another testicle reference?  Is seeing that, like, the belly of the beast?   But they all go to the screening room, even Chad's underage kids (um...that's illegal).  

As they watch, the wives storm out in anger and disgust. Amber starts throwing things at Jesse, yelling that he drove Gideon away and destroyed the family.  Then she grabs an assault rifle and shoots him (with buckshot) in the butt, a symbolic anal rape. 

We cut to shots of Baby Billy and Tiffany rolling around in their loot,  Eli using his influence to get Judy out of jail, Keefe driving away crying, Scotty's van being dredged up, and Jesse yelling "She got me in my meat! She broke my butthole!" The background song is "Oh, Lord," by Geordi:

Oh Lord, what's wrong with me.  I can't seem to be what I wanna be

And it's not for the sake of tryin'

I tried so hard, God know, and felt like dyin'

And if you've been watchin',  you woulda seen me cryin'

So, O Lord, won't you give me your hand?

The siblings and their partners have broken up.  Gideon is gone.  This is the low point of their lives, and there's just one episode left for things to get better. 

Next: Episode 1.9 Review: Jesse is racist, Judy is a rapist, and Kelvin is the Devil

[that-pissed-off-tolkien-blogger]

Okay so here’s the work update

So, I believe I posted that I got my appendix out earlier this year. That was a whole fiasco with me being in the hospital twice and missing a bit over a week of work. When I came back from work, no one had told me I needed to get doctor clearance to be back even though the person I would have sent it to WATCHED ME LEAVE WORK AT LUNCH FOR EMERGENCY SURGERY! This bitch would continue to be a fucking problem. Anyway, so work made me use all of my leave even though I was like “no don’t pay me I need my leave for something else.”

Fast forward to me putting in my leave for that something else, my study abroad in Scotland. It was roughly a two week study abroad, but I said fuck it I’m gonna stay in London a few extra days after, I deserve it - not that I told work that. I put my leave in and turns out someone is already off at the same time. In my request I put “for mandatory study abroad class”, implying I didn’t have a choice and this leave was happening no matter what. I get an email from that same dumb cunt as before saying “we can’t let you take this, someone is already out then and it’s too long.” I email back with “as per my initial time off request, this is for a mandatory study abroad for a Master’s Program and I have no control over the duration or the time” - corporate speak for “can you fucking read?” So a huff and a fuss later and they allow it because it’s a school thing, but in the meeting about it I am told to my face, in slightly round about words, that if I am off for anything other than illness or something unexpected like a death in the family, I will be fired.

Now, this would not be a problem except for the fact that prior to even being hired at this place my dad had booked and paid for most of the family to go on a cruise - literally everything was paid for including airfare and excursions and it came to around $40k which is basically my entire fucking salary after taxes. So, no way was I going to miss that - ironically I ended up sick and missing half the cruise anyway but that’s a story for later.

Anyway, now I basically have a death sentence over my head. But I keep chugging along with the plan to quit while I’m in Scotland. That’s when work starts getting worse. I was taking three classes at the time, which for a Master’s Program is pretty much full time. I am also working full time and I’m doing catch up work for school after being hospitalized and incapacitated for the second half of the first week of school and the first half of the second week, so two weeks for all intents and purposes. I’m also healing from surgery so I should be resting. Nope, I’m constantly running on 2-4hrs of sleep, which is not healthy normally and an absolutely terrible idea if you’re supposed to be healing.

I’d been doing a bit of homework at work at this time, but mostly saving it for lunch and then the odd small thing during large gaps between patients. Because of the lack of time and pressure I started working on homework all the time between patients. Note, another one of my coworkers was also in school for some kind of a nursing license (LPN, RN idk). So what happens, you ask? Well, I start getting scolded by the head nurse for doing homework. MEANWHILE she and the other nurse were FUCKING HELPING THE OTHER GIRL WITH HER CLASSWORK IN FRONT OF PATIENTS. Double standard much? I didn’t give a fuck so I kept doing homework but the “you better not be doing homework back there” and “are you doing homework” got old real fucking fast.

The end of my semester was in sight so I was under the gun in school and dealing with going in every day to a work environment where I was being treated poorly by the people I worked closest with - FYI the docs? Yeah they were all onboard with me doing homework at work and would say things like “you have to get it done whenever you can”. So finally, I said fuck it. There’s no way I can finish all of what I need to read and do before the end of the semester and go to work if at work during my fucking downtime I can’t do homework - and by downtime I do mean I had done everything in the office I could including restocking and cleaning like I made fucking sure that everything work related that could get done was done. And then one morning I got dressed for work, drove to my mother’s and then quit via email, shut my phone off, and went to sleep on her sofa.

Anyway that’s if. If anyone has questions or needs elaboration on something lmk. Anon is always on.

[kilosch]

Journal Entry: 10/23/24

Early Morning Struggles: Same routine as yesterday—woke up at 5:30 AM, but this time it felt way worse. I barely got any sleep because my sibling wouldn’t stop blasting music the whole night. I begged my sister to turn it off, but she ignored me. I even abused melatonin, trying to force myself to sleep, but it didn’t work. The night felt like torture, just tossing and turning, fighting for even a little rest.

Drive to the Academy – Overthinking Everything: I pushed through the exhaustion, grabbed my coffee, and drove the 35 minutes to Huntington Beach. On the way, my mind was flooded with anxiety about the PC 832 test on Friday. The pressure to pass is really starting to get to me—I can’t stop overthinking every detail. What if I mess up? What if I fail? These thoughts lingered all the way to the academy.

Morning at the Academy – Meeting Captain Smith: I arrived at the Academy around 6:30 AM, and several classmates were already there, chit-chatting about the course and what to expect for the day. I joined them briefly before heading to the classroom. Inside, I met Ronald Smith, an old, skinny retired captain from Huntington Beach PD. He’d be our instructor for the next two days, covering LD 15 (Laws of Arrest) and LD 16 (Search and Seizure).

Smith started with a quick introduction, explaining his background. Apparently, in addition to his police career, he’s been a Criminology professor for a while. I tried to listen closely, but I could barely hear him since I forgot my hearing aids at home. I found myself relying on reading his lips, which worked okay, but it made the lecture feel more exhausting.

LD 15 and LD 16 – Theoretical Overload: As Smith dove into LD 15 and LD 16, it became clear that theories and concepts were his thing. He was passionate about it, explaining the philosophy behind the laws and how they shape police work. While it was interesting, his lecture didn’t feel practical enough for the upcoming PC 832 exam. The theories were valuable in the long run, but I couldn’t help but feel frustrated—I need to pass this test, not just learn philosophy.

Smith reassured us that these theories wouldn’t appear on the exam but said they’d help us better understand the legal system. I tried to absorb what I could, but it wasn’t clicking the way I hoped.

Afternoon Release – Drive Home & Decompressing: We finished earlier than usual, around 3:45 PM, and I was grateful to leave. The hour-long drive home felt brighter than usual—the sun was obnoxiously bright, making it an annoying trip. Once I got home, I decompressed with a simple lunch of longanisa and rice.

Preparing for My Parents’ Arrival: After eating, I got a text from my brother asking if anyone wanted to carpool with him to LAX to pick up our parents. For a moment, I almost forgot that they were arriving tonight. I declined the offer because I needed time to study. My brother ended up carpooling anyway to use the carpool lane and beat the traffic to LAX.

Meanwhile, I returned to my computer, searching for more study guides to prepare for the next day. I wanted to feel more confident going into Day 3, especially since the test anxiety has been eating at me nonstop.

Evening Thoughts – Missing Work and Coworkers: I found myself missing work and my coworkers—more than I expected. I think the structure of my job gave me something to hold onto mentally, and being away from it feels strange. I’ve grown so attached to that chaotic routine that being without it makes me feel... off.

Hoping for Sleep: As I write this, I’m hoping for decent sleep tonight, though that might be too much to ask. If my sister doesn’t blast music again and the dog doesn’t bark all night, maybe I’ll have a chance to finally rest.

One step at a time—I just need to get through tomorrow, stay focused, and pass PC 832.

[hungerandthirst]

second program done – grade 4s again but from a co-ed school

these kids were soooo different from last week’s angels – i think this was genuinely the worst listening ability i’ve ever seen in a group of kids. we never once had silence, it was impossible to get their attention. and it was kind of cute because they all just liked each other a lot and wanted to talk to each other all the time but holy shit. even one minute of actual listening was not achievable.

this group was also a little bit like “too cool for school” and many of them were referencing memes etc which is so sad and disorienting to see from 9 year olds…

that said, at the end of the program we did a gratitude activity and got really genuine answers about like food, nature, family/friends etc so obviously some things clicked. i also got real engagement and insightful answers after the sit spot with my group which was interesting because i honestly didn’t think they would be able to handle it. but sometimes they surprise you

i definitely started the week in a funk and would randomly sink into despair whenever i had a minute to myself. this is the first job i’ve had where i haven’t had coworkers who became true friends (it’s only been two weeks but my only coworkers are three people in the mid 30s to early 40s range who are all my direct superior…..) obviously that’s just lucky on my part but i think it’s actually taking a toll that i just do the work and then I’m completely alone and i’m the only new person and there’s nobody to just like chat shit and process the new working environment with. it feels like being an only child again – i dont know anything and the three of them know each other super well and people are nice to me but there’s nobody to hang out with. and this makes it harder for me to pull off the energy i need to engage kids for 14 hours a day because i have no outlet for anything when I’m there. it’s kind of lonely.

last weekend i was sooooo anxious about canoeing and my walkabout and i had literally no reason to be it was completely fine. canoeing actually kind of pissed me off because nobody gave me any instructions and the tide was sooooooo low that it was so difficult and chaotic to launch…. then when we were trying to raft up with the other canoes i meant to tell the left side to do something but i accidentally said right so we went the wrong way and it just felt so shitty idk. and then when we landed the tide was still so low and my boat hit a sandbar so I had to push us back out and try again to come in and my hiking boots got full of water and i was actually just in such a bad mood. ugghhhhh it was literally fine i just was pissed off

because of that my boots were wet for the entire program and it was so uncomfortable. and now I need to figure out what to do because they smell foul

the weather was unbelievable like it was sunny as they got off the ferry and then it started raining as soon as we launched the canoes an hour later. then it rained and was freezing for 48 hours straight until we did our closing circle and as soon as they got on the ferry to leave it was sunny again…. audacious weather

my poor kids were soaking wet and freezing and we still had to eat lunch outside and they kept asking me why we had to eat outside and i was like girl i literally have no idea. we’re trying to cram 50 people under this tiny tarp can we not just find somewhere to go under cover or indoors like this is insane.

on that note like we literally just need more staff. trying to run programs like this with a staff team of literally 4 people is insane. even just one extra set of hands would make a huge difference and they have no backup plan if somebody gets sick/injured

i’m worried that one of the teachers gave negative feedback about me on the evaluation forms??? there was just some weird specificity in handing out the forms in our debrief meeting that seemed like there was something about either me or one specific other staff member. and that’s fair because i don’t think i did my best work this week but i do wanna know and it sucks because I have THREE BOSSES and NO COWORKERS so everybody just gets to know except for me

i don’t even know like…. in this job i’ve experienced a range from “i like this” to “i actively dislike this” which has never really happened to me at a job like this before. I’ve never once been like wow i love this so much!!! and it’s unusual for my to not enjoy work/being outdoors to the point that i just want to go home. it has its redeeming moments for sure and it seems to get better as the week goes on but it’s hard to not have coworkers that aren’t my superior

my main boss said i was really funny and everybody liked the characters i did this week 👍

got my first pay check and not a moment too soon

i am really looking forward to my summer job w the whales and i have a zoom call with the team on monday so that’s something to look forward to

the program this upcoming week is a completely new curriculum in a completely new location so i’m basically starting from scratch…… sigh.

only 5 more programs babe… it’s fine

[explainyourstory]

I'm going in anonymous, but I figured I'd take you question by question as that helps my brain to keep on task

Why do i love who i love? What is it like loving men, women, both, or neither? pt 1 Well, I'm under the Ace/Aro umbrella, and some of it is due to my own ambivalence to love and people in romantic or sexual perceptions, and some of it is due to events in my life that I will not be expunging here just because I've barely trusted those events to my friends, let alone strangers on the internet. pt 2 Honestly, I'm having a hard time due to a lack of irl friends and a lack of knowledge of where and how to meet new people safely. But generally, I don't feel a need to have a partner in my life, and generally enjoy my life without a partner.

What is it like, living as a woman, a man, as neither? I'm AFAB, identifying as Nonbinary, or maybe Agender or Gender Apathetic. The point is, my gender isn't something I care about much. However, growing up AFAB has made it where being out at night is rife with paranoia. I have a pocket knife that I keep open most nights I bike home. I don't even consider where I live to be bad, it's just too risky to be AFAB, alone at night, anywhere. I'm equally paranoid of everyone I encounter, whether they're AFAB, AMAB, or other. Anyone is dangerous, thanks to the plethora of crimes they can do against a physically weak AFAB walking/biking alone at night. Generally though, life is pretty typical. I don't really run into sexism in my workplace, from my coworkers or my customers, and on the whole, I don't consider being AFAB to affect my ability to earn a paycheck equal to my coworkers or to progress in my career. I just don't want to be promoted or anything at this time.

What is it like living poor, or living rich? I grew up in a poor household. Prior to my dad and mom divorcing, my life was normal, to my knowledge. I had two loving (though debating the merits of using that term thanks to the abuse I suffered during that time and after has taken much of my mind power in the last few years) parents, and got gifts from them and my extended family. I didn't like my sibling, but that was due to me being 6-7 years old by the time the sibling made their appearance in my life, which was a long time of being the only kid before everything changed and I had no choice or say in the changes. However, when I was about 8-9, everything changed with the divorce. Growing up with my dad, we lived paycheck to paycheck, I often was turned down for many things I wanted, and christmas and birthday gifts were often postponed because of the lack of proper money. I made a friend in high school who was middle class, or rich to my perspective, and I often felt jealous. She could go to market of choice and get sushi every day, while I had to use the free lunches of my school, and only occasionally buy burgers from the nearby Mcdonalds or Dairy Queen. Growing up poor aches when you're old enough to understand, and my dad didn't help by venting about our money issues to an 8-9 year old me. I still struggle with checking my bank account due to stress, and still struggle with either splurging once I have a surplus, or aggressively squirreling the money and trying to pretend I don't have money with which to splurge (even when I do)

What is it like to live as a white person? I will only comment on this as I am white, but personally I don't know what to say. My life has been average, but I haven't necessarily had an easy life just because of my skin color. The issue between skin color has appeared more recently in my workplace with customers. I work in a store under a corporate brand, let's call them Small-Mart. I work the Self-Check area more often, which requires me to watch transactions to make sure customers scan everything, and I do it equally to everyone because my job is to make sure shrink doesn't leave the store. I couldn't care less that you're black, white, hispanic, or anything in between. If you scan everything, I will barely glance at you. If you struggle with scanning some items, I'm more likely to say "it seems the item didn't get scanned, our machines are finicky at best, you know how it is" If the item is scanned, then the issue is finished and I don't continue fucking with people, though I may continue a light hearted small talk if I've found something in common. I've had black people imply myself as racist for doing my job, and had other people complain about me hovering when I haven't been hovering, or if I was hovering, it was because I was doing my job. I believe that whatever skin color doesn't matter, I'll respect you as a person with an identity I don't know if you do the same. Why should I judge someone based on arbitrary characteristics they were born with? It'd be like assuming someone blind is actually helpless, or someone autistic is mentally brain dead. Neither assumption helps anyone, so why do it?

What is it like to live with a crippling medical condition? An injury? A physical or mental disability? pt 1/3 I don't know if this counts, but I was born with mild-to-moderate hearing loss that leaves me reliant on hearing aids to perform most normal things. I have a small range I can hear in, but most of the sounds of human speech or the world are outside of the range I can hear. It's generally okay. I can't shower with my hearing aids in, or sleep with them in, I have to buy hearing aid batteries fairly often, and occasionally I have to go to an audiologist to take care of the hearing aids or update my prescription as needed, or get new hearing aids. When I was younger, kids would ask me what it was like being deaf. I asked them what it was like being capable of hearing. I do not remember having the ability to hear, I was born like this, this is my normal. To explain it would be to explain to a sociopath what emotions feel like. It's hard, because you're having to explain a thing you have always known, with no metric for comparison. I recognize my hearing aids are different, but to me they're just another part of my daily routine, a tool I use to get close to matching normal hearing.

I have to send a second part, so this is part 1, and I'll sign off as: ~ Abyss Anon

Part 1

—————

Thank you so much for sharing! The questions were more as examples and general prompts to get people thinking, they weren’t required if you wanted to share something else, but I understand your method! That’s smart actually, I didn’t consider people answering multiple questions at a time like that, but that’s rather convenient all things considered.

Don’t worry about your hearing loss counting or not! There is no qualifying basis, you are free to tell me about anything under the sun, you can answer all or one or any of my questions, or you can share something I didn’t think of when making my list, all I want is to hear your perspective and your story. So once more, thank you for sharing <3

[thekatebridgerton]

More updates about my personal life: talk about manifesting. See This post was made on October 2021.

I met my husband in a online pen pal forum in February 2022. We spent the rest of that year exchanging texts and video calls, saw each other in person in June, because he traveled to where I was, and plane tickets are expensive. The next time he traveled to meet me he brought his mother to meet me too. And we kept chatting every day. He proposed in January 2023. Mind you we were still living in different countries. And we got married in November. Still living in different countries. (I'll spare you the details of the destination wedding. )

Right now it's 2024, last week I finally made the move and we're officially in the same country and the same house 😁. Left my family, my old job, moved miles away from everything I knew and here I am, taking the biggest leap of faith I've ever had to take.

But guess what? All that post up there. Everything I wrote about in late 2021, about what I wanted and how much I would appreciate it if I had it. Well I have it now. And the biggest challenge, is accepting that I deserve it, that it's okay to have good things

When I say that I've had my real life Eloise arc. Believe me it's still ongoing.

Right now I feel like I'm taking a vacation for the first time in 5 years. Even if it means I'm married and...unemployed. I spent years chasing that promotion, running in the corporate race. I thought if I remained positive it didn't matter how unreasonable my managers were or how unfriendly my highly competitive field was. But it did matter, it took a while of my husband consistently treating me with kindness, consideration and respect to make me feel I did deserve to have better things. he loves me, he wants me to be happy, he's happy when I'm happy and he's okay with letting me work out what kind of wife I want to be at my own pace. Which makes me love him even more.

You know me, I'm a feminist, I don't really believe in the trad wife movement. But I do think it's healing to make a meal from scratch after 5 years of not having time to cook. Being so burned out, yet slowly doing chores at home and cooking for someone I love, feels like a welcome breath of fresh air. My husband takes the lunches to work, and feels happy that he's getting home cooked lunches while his coworkers make do with fast food. It makes him proud to know that him just being willing to eat what I cook makes me incredibly happy. Because I'm not even sure I can cook well.

This new role I've taken on is challenging after being burned out for so long. After basing all my worth on how well I could perform my job I still want to cry when I remember that I don't have to fold clothes correctly or cook rice perfectly for the person next to me to appreciate me. His love is not conditional on how well I perform in my job description it's simply conditional on how happy I am. And it's okay to be bad at things, it's okay to simply be me.

It's okay to be happy and also have leftover anxiety from the extremely demanding job I left. It's okay to like children and want to have a baby, but also be scared of childbirth and the responsibility of raising a child. I know it may not seem that way, and I'm not ready for a baby yet, but I do want to get there eventually.

I relate to Eloise in the Bridgerton books a bit more now, because I get it. A lot about being with the right person means taking a few leaps of faith. And I also love that for Eloise it was worth it. Her character gave me courage to keep going in my own pen pal journey and so far it's been worth it for me too

Okay so I’m going to share a true story that happened to me today: I saw a very good friend’s wedding pictures on Facebook. I love this friend, we were roommates together in school, same classes, same first job, I think she’s amazing.  And as a modern liberated woman that is married to her job, I am mourning her inside even tough she looks very happy. And trust me I do, in my heart, want her to be happy, but now she’s not single anymore and that means we can’t talk the way we used to. And I’m also wondering if she knows something that I don’t. Maybe I’m missing out on something?

And yes, if I had a pen pal who offered to marry me, and lived roughly 60 miles away from me, my response to my friend’s wedding would also be to go visit my pen pal sight unseen to see if maybe we could work out or not. (after doing a background check on him of course) Because why not.  

All I’m saying is that right now, I understand where Eloise’ early mid life crisis came from in To Sir Phillip with Love, I understand really well. A lot of people may not and that’s okay. But I’ve been there. And I find her actions perfectly relatable. (this is the part where you say I’m probably crazy in real life dear readers)

The funny thing is that comparing my momentary lapse in judgment with Eloise, I realize that Eloise did not expect to like Phillip when she went to Romney hall, in fact I think she expected him to disappoint her just like all her suitors did, so she could have an excuse to go back home and say she tried and it didn’t work. She wanted to get over her feelings of losing Penelope by telling herself that while Pen might fit in the norm of all girls who married and had children, Eloise didn’t because no man could stir her heart, nobody was good enough to make her fall inlove. 

But she did like him. Eloise who rejected 8 proposals and was fully prepared to spend the rest of her life as a spinster with her family’s support, found a man she liked. And that made all the difference.

Let me repeat. Liking Phillip made all the difference for her.

And trust me Phillip came with baggage, two kids, a ton of flaws. But Eloise liked him. Despite everything, she found someone she liked in a sea of people she didn’t and that was enough. And then this man decided to do better, to listen to her and take her side in front of her brothers, because he liked her too. And it was just that simple.  That’s what made Eloise stay in Romney hall and what motivated Phillip to make an effort to be better.  They simply discovered that they liked each other and went with it. 

And I like their story so much because I get it. How you can be at a great point in your life and think you don’t need anything more. But you meet someone who makes you feel something, just that mythical something you never felt before and you realize that it does make a great difference in your life. Even it means doing things you didn’t think you could do or becoming a person you never thought you’d be. The domesticity and the madness and the trial and error is  worth it. 

So if you’ll excuse me I think I’ll read TSPWL again tonight. 

(tagging you here @missielynne because you get me whenever I talk about Philoise)

[floraltypes]

lots of innocent and not so innocent touches

With Dwayne Pride if you wright for him if you don't just Gibbs please <3

who - leroy jethro gibbs x reader

an - i’m sorry! i haven’t seen ncis new orleans, so i probably couldn’t write dwayne very well … hope this is okay, for some reason i had trouble writing it :/

please continue to send in asks !!

unedited :/

Blankets surrounded your body, your leg ontop of another while light snores left your mouth. Hair was messed up and a hand was slowly moving to stroke your cheek. The curtains allowed peaks of the sunlight to peak through in your bedroom. A man lying beside you in his sweatpants and old tee.

The grey haired, older, man kept his eyes on your peacefully sleeping face, truly enjoying whatever dream you were imagining. He made no move to remove your leg from the top of his, but did make a move to place his fingers above your face, lightly pushing some stray baby hairs away.

A part of him silently cursed to himself, wishing that he had learned how to work his phone better, then being able to snap a photo of this calming moment for his own purposes.

Gibbs wouldn’t admit it to you, but these moments were more important to him than working on a boat, or the thrill after finally catching a bastard. There was something so domestic, so calming, with these times spent together. Time for him to think to himself, and also have the one he loves so much be so close.

Time to think about the past, and wonder how he got lucky enough for it to land here. Though, he may have lost a lot, and they would never be forgotten, he was grateful for another opportunity at pure happiness.

But his time to enjoy the peacefulness soon ended with a ring of a cellphone, causing you to stir a bit in your sleep. You eventually opened your eyes, staring up at the man who now had the hand that was formally on your face, resting on your chest.

“What’s that?” You questioned, trying to sit up and rub your eyes. “Can you get it?”

“It’s your cellphone,” He answered, missing the warmth of your leg, now having it be moved to lay on the mattress itself.

“Mmk,” You mumbled, reaching over to your side table and grabbing it. Flipping the screen up, you moved it to your ear. “L/n,” You tried to make your morning voice sound more as your own.

“If it isn’t little Y/n!” A cheerful voice spoke loudly on the other line. “Ya miss me?”

“No. What do you need?” You rolled your eyes, getting off of the bed, Gibbs eyes traveling your body as you walked to your dresser, picking out a outfit. “Mhm, okay,” You nodded to yourself. “I’ll be there, text me the address. Oh. Never mind then. Bye.”

Gibbs got out of the bed, going to stand beside you. He silently observed as you rolled your eyes once again, opening another drawer, he snaked his arms around your waist and pulled you into his chest, a small kiss on the inside of your neck.

“Who’s that?”

“A old coworker.” You opened your underwear drawer, picking a pair for the day.

“Purple,” Gibbs commented, as you dropped the blue pair back into the others, reaching for the one he chose.

“Gosh, it’s like we really are married,” You laughed to yourself, looking back at his straight face. “Sorry, you would know too much about that. But that’s not my point, there is a dead marine there and that means we’ve got work.”

“You didn’t seem to happy to hear from him,” Gibbs unwrapped his arms as you moved to your closet, picking out a dress shirt.

“I wasn’t. He’s annoying and almost cost me my job at the time. But, it’s our job, we have to go, so grab your clothes in the bottom drawers,” You turned around and pointed at the dresser that held some of his items, now finding what you needed and beginning to change.

———————-

“If you are all interested to know… I spent the morning watching a old TV show airing about a classic comedic couple who travels the world with their adopted son,” Tony announced to no one in particular, sitting at his desk as the others sat at theirs.

Ziva had her arms crossed, leaning back in her chair a bit. McGee sat in his, rubbing his eyes and looking down at his phone.

“What did you do this morning, McGee?” Ziva looked over to McGee, watching as his eyebrows furrowed.

“Trying to work on my new writing.. but for my character, uh, Miranda, I need a good backstory for her, people are really grasping onto her character from the former story. I’ve read some things saying they think she’ll get with Gibbs, I mean Libbs!”

“Interesting,” Ziva tsked. “I read the story and your Miranda character, who is obviously Y/n, and I don’t see it.”

“You know nothing about romance, Ziva,” Tony waltzed over, his own coffee in hand and his face near hers. “I think no one expects you to think about who would get together. But, no, I don’t see Gibbs getting with someone like L/n who is very, you know-”

“I’m what, DiNozzo?” You walked in, moving straight to your desk as you placed your bag down.

“Amazing! I meant, you’re so great that someone like Gib-” Tony looked at Ziva’s eyes widen. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?”

“Someone like me, now what’s that, DiNozzo?” Gibbs questioned.

“Uh-” Gibbs smacked the back of DiNozzos head, moving over to his own desk.

“Dead sailor, body is already getting examined by Ducky and some visitors are coming to drop off some of the evidence.” Gibbs informed everyone.

“They think this sailor had something to do with a past robbery and murder, a cold case,” You clarified.

“L/n!” A guy smiled widely, another girl following in pursuit behind him as he walked to you with his arms wide open. “It’s been too long,” He quickly hugged you, tightening his grip around your shoulders and moving his hands to cup your face. “You still look as beautiful as ever!”

“Y/n, is that your boyfriend?” Ziva inquired.

“He looks a little out of her leagu-” You shot DiNozzo a look. “Or not?”

“Ah no,” The man laughed. “Old coworkers, that is Lila and I’m Carson, nice to meet you guys.”

“If your old coworkers, you must have a ton of embarrassing stories about Y/n!” DiNozzo beamed, moving closer to Carson.

“Uh, a few,” He responded. “We only worked together for a year or two, some, but not a ton.”

“Some will do.”

“DiNozzo, we aren’t here to make friends we are here to solve a murder,” Gibbs shot him a look and hit the back of his head.

“Right, sorry, boss.” DiNozzo put his head down like a sad puppy dog and made his way back to his desk. The two visitors looked at the scene that had just happened oddly.

“We brought all of our evidence, not much, but something,” Lila announced, placing the box on the table now and taking some of it out. “Should we get started?”

“I’ll show you to Abby, she is our forensic analysts and will probably want to take a look at this stuff for herself,” McGee told Lila, putting the evidence back in the box and letting her grab it, soon walking towards the elevator.

“You think I could check out the body?” Carson asked you. “It might be good to see what he looked like more and talk with your doctor.”

“That makes sense, I’ll show you to him,” You smiled at your old coworker and took another way to Ducky’s area.

The both of you chatted on the way down, catching up with how things differ since you worked there and a bit about your new workplace here.

“I really thought you would be Jeremy, the one who called me. I was a bit worried,” You laughed, walking into Autopsy with Carson as Ducky moved near you.

“Hello, dear, who’s this?” Ducky questioned, Jimmy moved near his boss.

“Hey, Ducky, this is Carson. Carson, this is Doctor Mallard. He is a old coworker of mine, Ducky,” You told the older man. “That’s Jimmy, he is Ducky’s assistant.”

Ducky began to explain how the man had died, pointing out various things on the body and even putting in a few past experiences of his own into the conversation.

Soon the four of you had heard the doors open, turning around to catch the view of your boyfriend entering into the room and moving to stand right in between you and Carson.

“I just want to hear some of the explanation myself, you can continue, Ducky,” Gibbs commented, all of your eyes turning back onto Ducky who was back to talking.

You felt a warm, larger hand travel to the middle of your back, a thumb softly pressing into the fabric that covered your skin. You turned your head slightly to make eye contact with Gibbs, but he just continued to stare forward ignoring it.

It was like a goosebump went up your spine, yet it wasn’t not encouraged. It was a bit of a energetic feeling, so you rejoiced in the innocent touch, a sign he was there.

Eventually, Ducky was done with his long explanation and you were back to heading upstairs with Carson and Gibbs to do more research regarding the deadman and cold case.

“So, Y/n, I was thinking we could go out to lunch or something soon to really catch up, outside of work,” Carson mentioned while you three were on the elevator ride up.

You were surprised at his somewhat boldness to announce this in front of your boss (and boyfriend), but he was always a very open person, kind and open.

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” You replied.

“We are busy most afternoons.” Gibbs added. “So, if you plan it at some ridiculous time don’t expect my agent to be able to make it.”

The doors soon chimed open and Carson quickly left, making a bee line straight to Lila. Gibbs let you leave first, placing another palm against your back to secretly lead you back to where the desks were, even though you knew where you were going.

———————

The rest of the day was spent with much more working diligently. You all had made some progress but not enough, and you could tell it was really getting to Gibbs. He dismissed everyone and told them to come back in the early hours in the morning.

Gibbs had told you that he was going to stay and work on this some more, so you told him you would stay as well and order some food. Once Carson had heard that, he decided that he would do the same.

A hour later, three burgers arrive and you hand them out to the two other men, soon taking a bite into yours. A bit of the condiment had spewed onto the corners of your mouth, but your hunger caught up with you, continuing to avoid the feeling for a moment and just eat.

Carson caught the look of your messiness, breaking off into a small laugh, and you joining, him then making a joke about how this used to be a regular for you. Gibbs got up from his seat with a napkin and bent over a bit to wipe it away from your mouth.

It was certainly a small gesture, but had caught you and Carson off guard, the both of you quieting. You just stared back at him while he continued to eat with a pride grin on his lips, looking over the papers.

It seemed like a blessing from the sky when Gibbs had finally connected the pieces. Everyone was called back in to look over what he found and to excite a plan on how to continue. You all were able to get the murderer into custody and with old evidence and Ducky’s help you were able to identify he was the killer. With Abby’s help you were able to put him at the scene where your old coworkers cold case took place.

It was a relieving feeling that the case was solved and over. It was easy to tell that your current coworkers were also happy with the fact that your old ones were leaving for good. Having unfamiliar people in a familiar place is always a weird feeling for everyone.

You watched as everyone packed up their things to head home from the tiring few days of work. Standing up, you grabbed your bag and moved to Gibbs desk, chatting with him until Carson came over.

“It was nice working with you again,” He commented, you turned around to face him.

“It was. We make a good team.”

“We really do. I was wondering about that, uh, date?”

“Hm,” That had slipped your mind, and almost did once more when you felt a brush of a hand against your bottom, turning around to make eyes at your boyfriend. “Sorry, I actually have a boyfriend. But if you mean the lunch date to catch up, then I’d love to.”

“The second one,” He nodded, his cheeks brightening a bit at the dejection but also confirmation.

“Great,” You grinned, writing down your phone number and handing it to him. “Talk soon, bye.”

“Goodbye.”

You watched as Carson entered the elevator and soon disappeared, the office area looking very empty with the lights darkened a bit and only you and Gibbs being in the area.

“Glad he’s gone,” Gibbs laughed.

“I figured,” You laughed alongside with him. “I could tell by your touchiness at work, are you trying to let everyone know?”

“If I was, I would do something bolder. Didn’t Ducky ever tell you I used to be like DiNozzo?”

“Yeah, that would be a interesting time to see.”

“I think if I was that same man, we might’ve had sex right o-”

“Let’s get home, now,” You both soon left the workplace, hand in hand, laughing along at stories of the younger Gibbs and his flirty persona.

[sochilll]

Pins and patches hurt/comfort

“Hey.” Michael called, pausing his show as Jake came in. “How was lunch?”

“Good!” Jake called from the kitchen. He opened the fridge to sink his leftovers inside. “How was your day watching my TV?” Jake teased. He was no stranger to Michael being in his apartment before he left for plans or work and still being there when he got back.

“Lovely. You know, my electric bill has plummeted since we started dating.”

“And mine has doubled.” Jake snorted.

“Hey.” Michael got off the couch and leaned against the counter. “Idea. What if next time you did lunch with your friends… I came with?”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Jake said, not looking at him. “We’ll have to see.”

Michael inched closer. “Okay. It’s just that we’ve been dating for seven months and you’ve met my friends. And you’re always talking about how people bring their partners so I don’t get why you haven’t brought me.”

“It just hasn’t come up.” Jake shrugged.

Michael looked at him. “Do they not ask about me?”

Jake was quiet. Michael’s stomach dropped.

“Do they not know about me?”

Jake sighed. “They do know I’m dating someone.”

“Do they know anything about me? Do they know my fucking name?” He didn’t wait for Jake to not answer again. “Is it because I’m a guy?”

“No.” Jake said quickly. “That’s not it. They don’t care about that.”

“So there is something though.”

“No.”

“Just tell me. Why don’t you want your friends to meet me?”

“You’re just different than them!” Jake threw his hands up.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that-they’re like me. You know? They were all athletes in high school. Or still are. And they hung out with… the kind of people I did. And you were-“ He whirled around and then stopped suddenly.

Michael was looking at him, calmly. “I was what?”

“I didn’t mean-“

“A loser? Right?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Michael nodded. “You know, I spent four years with my best friend being obsessed with high school politics. Obsessed with being popular and what that meant. Obsessed with who was ‘allowed’ to talk to who. Obsessed over every thing he did because of how it looked to people like you. No, not even people like you. You. Jake Dillinger.” He shrugged. “I’m twenty years old Jake. I can’t waste more of my time with someone who still cares about where I sat at lunch in fucking high school.”

“I don’t care about that.” Jake said softly, but Michael was already walking toward the door. “Michael. Wait.”

The door shut gently. He didn’t even slam it.

“What did those hangers do to you?” Zoe asked.

They’d been coworkers for a few months now. She was the only person in this shitty department store that Michael respected.

He stopped slamming hangers onto the floor. “Sorry. Bad day.”

“I see that.” She leaned against the table he was folding clothes on. “Well, maybe it’ll turn around. Your boyfriend’s here.”

“I don’t want to see him.” Michael grumbled.

“Well he looks pretty determined.” Zoe tilted her head. “He’s got a whole posse with him.”

“What?” Michael looked up and saw Jake with a bunch of people he only recognized from photographs. “What is happening?”

“Michael.” Jake said, he gestured to each of the people behind him one by one. “This is Mark, Roger, Leah, Kay, Todd, and Raphael.”

They all waved, looking confused but vaguely supportive of whatever mission Jake was on.

“Guys, this is Michael. He’s my boyfriend, I hope.” Jake looked at his friends. “Michael is a nerd. He’s really into vintage video games. I had to talk him down from buying a Pac-Man machine two months ago because we had no way to get it to his apartment. He’s also really into old slasher movies. He likes books about magic. His favorite food is lumpia but only the way his mom makes it. He says he does it wrong. He uses peach scented shampoo.” He turned toward Michael. “I’m in love with him. And I’m also an asshole so he might not be in love with me. But I hope he is. And I hope when he gets off work, he’ll come to happy hour at Riley’s down the street with us. And now I’m going to leave so I don’t pressure-“

He was interrupted by Michael grabbing his shirt and kissing him.

“You are an asshole.” Michael said, holding Jake’s fingers. “But I do love you.” Then he dropped Jake’s hands. “But I’m also at work so go away.”

“Okay.” Jake grinned. “And you’ll come with us after?”

“Yes.”

Jake checked the time. “Two hours, right?”

“Yes.” Michael kissed him again.

Jake backed away, holding Michael’s hand until he had to let it drop. His eyes shifted to Zoe who was still leaning against the table, doing nothing.

“You can come too Zoe.”

“Cool.” She nodded.

The bar was fun. Jake was right, his friends were all just like him. Michael liked Roger and Kay. And Mark’s girlfriend was cool. But what he really liked was sitting at a table with Jake’s arm on the back of his chair. He liked when they all laughed and Jake pulled him a little closer. He liked Jake’s friends all asking Michael questions about him, like he was some sort of expert on Jake Dillinger.

“What did you think of them?” Jake asked, as Michael followed him through the door.

“They’re nice. Roger is funny.”

“Yeah.” Jake caught Michael’s arm before he could fling himself onto the couch. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Michael smiled. “Your grand romantic gesture made up for it.”

“I want to say it.” Jake insisted. “I’m sorry I didn’t want my friends to meet you. I had this stupid, very immature, idea that they’d make fun of you and me for liking you. Not to your face but after you left. And I’d be stuck between you and them. And honestly?” He was crushing Michael’s hands like he thought he might leave. “I wasn’t sure I would stand up for you. And I didn’t want to find out if I was right.”

Michael stood on his toes and kissed Jake. “You declared your love for me in front of a whole department store and your friends who’ve never met me.” He smiled. “I think it’s safe to say you would’ve stood up for me.”

Jake relaxed his grip. “I’d like to think that but I don’t know. I love you. That’s the only thing I’m sure of.”

“That’s almost too mushy.” Michael teased. “Don’t be gross.”

“I love you!” Jake yelled, wrapping his arms around Michael and squeezing him. “I am in love with you!”

Michael laughed, pretending to push Jake away. “Okay! I love you too! Release me!”

Jake did, but Michael didn’t move very far back. “Movie?”

“Yes.” Michael went to make popcorn. It didn’t need to be discussed.

When he made it back to the couch, Jake pulled him close. Michael settled into his place at Jake’s side.

“I’m glad you didn’t give up on me.” Michael said quietly.

Jake kissed the top of his head. “Don’t think I could if I tried.”

[fighterkimburgess]

This Wasn’t Supposed To Happen Chapter 21 - Us

Summary: Sylvie and Kelly find out more about their second child, and what family means becomes clear to everyone. Series Masterlist Here

Words: 3.1k

Warnings: doctors appointments

Wanna join my taglist?

—

If there was one thing that her first few weeks taught Sylvie, it was that she wasn’t set up for desk work. She could do the job, but she lived for hearing about the calls from everyone. As nice as it was to leave at five every day, she missed her uncomfortable bunk.

Kelly hovered around her multiple times, checking if she needed anything and bringing her plates of lunch. She tried waving it away - most of the clerical staff didn’t eat with the firefighters and paramedics - but he insisted she ate. It was a weird mixture of being with the folks who went on calls, but she was out of the loop on a lot of things. Plus, she met the folks from the other shifts so she got to learn a little more from them.

Her cast was off and she was doing physical therapy to regain the strength in it. Her ribs were healed, and the day she was able to lift Andy up and cuddle him made her so much happier than she thought she would have been. He grasped onto her and held on, his head in her shoulder as they both enjoyed it. She caught sight of Kelly watching them, tears in his eyes as he took the portrait in front of him in.

Her belly kept getting bigger, the pregnancy that she’d been roughly able to hide now impossible to. It was uncomfortable at the best of times, the weight in front of her different to anything else she’d ever had. Kelly had started helping her rub moisturiser in, giving her a massage. He was there and present for everything they had to do, and she couldn’t be more grateful.

But it was time for their anatomy scan, to fully meet their baby and get to grips with really becoming parents. They’d spent the week before explaining the idea of a baby to Andy. He didn’t really understand it fully, but he’d started running up to Sylvie when she was sitting down and yelling “BABY” to her.

Walking into Med she felt safe, no visible injuries anymore and nothing that would mean she had to stay behind. Everything was going well, flutters in her stomach making it so obvious to her that yes, this baby was growing. Kelly couldn’t feel them yet, but she thought he’d feel it soon. They came into the scan room, Sylvie sitting up on the bed in the middle of the room as Kelly sat beside her.

“Are you scared?” He asked, his voice a bare whisper.

“Terrified. I keep remembering when Gabby was at this stage. But I’m not her, and this pregnancy isn’t the one that ended up with Andy. I’ve never seen someone have an easy pregnancy. We’ll see how it goes from here. But we’re together, right?”

“Even without the baby I’d still be here. You’re not getting away that easily, Brett.”

The technician arrived in, smiling at Sylvie and Kelly as she set up the machine.

“This is your first pregnancy I saw on your chart. Are you excited to be parents?” She asked, Sylvie nodding.

“We’ve got a seventeen month old, but yeah, we are. I’m excited to make sure this little one is safe and healthy.”

“And so I can win the bet with everyone,” Kelly interjected, an eyebrow raise in response. “We work together, our coworkers are convinced she’s having a girl because every child born to our friends has been a boy so far. Purely because of that I think it’s a boy.”

“You just don’t want to have to deal with being the only girl dad. You’re better with Andy!” It was the strange look from the technician that made her continue, addressing her instead. “We adopted our godson after his parents died in a car crash. So first pregnancy, second child.”

“Aww, I love that. This will be cold, but lets see this baby.”

The scan took a lot longer than any of the others, the technician taking measurements and watching how the baby was growing. Sylvie stared at their child on the screen, Kelly gripping her hand in both of his. Every few moments he’d press a kiss to her fingers, squeezing lightly as he stared. She’d have sworn that there was tears in his eyes as he watched the screen, a hand waving and Sylvie shivering at it.

“Can you feel it?”

“Yeah. You’ll feel it soon too.”

“And lets hear that heartbeat. Do you want to know the sex?”

“Yes.” They answered simultaneously as they listened to the pitter patter of the heartbeat, the rapid thumps that told them their child was right there and would be ok.

“Let’s see if if this child is shy. Oh, nope, he’s not.”

“It’s Kelly Severide’s child, of course he’s not…he?” Sylvie trailed off and stared at the smiling technician.

“You’re having a perfectly healthy baby boy. Andy will have a little brother.”

They got the photos printed and stared at them as they waited to go into the doctor, looking carefully at their son. 

“I know we’ll probably argue about a middle name, but he’s Matthew, isn’t he?” Sylvie asked, watching Kelly force himself to hold his emotions together.

“Yeah. Fuck. I always thought if I ever had a kid I’d have Matt and Andy here with me. They’d tell me I was doing the wrong thing, stop me from killing my kid. But they’re gone.”

“We’ll keep them alive for the boys. They’ll learn all about their dad’s friends, about the men we named them after. So Andy can know about his dad, and our Matt can know about the two of them. Our boys aren’t going to grow up not knowing about them.”

“It’s weird, y’know? Andy’s ours, but he’s yours. I don’t have anything legal for him.”

“We’ll fix that. Before Matt arrives.” 

“The name suits him.” Kelly rested his hand on her bump, and they sat with their joint grief in the waiting room, the pain hitting them again. This time instead of dealing with it alone they held onto each other, encouraging the other to know that there was someone there.

When they came back into the office their hands stayed linked, even when the doctor came in. Sylvie refused to let go of the comfort that Kelly gave her.

“I can confirm everything looks normal here, folks. Baby Brett is growing well, and you’re dating at twenty two weeks. Does that sound about right?” She asked, Sylvie nodding.

“Yeah, it’s right. Kind of hard to believe at this point that I’m more than halfway there.”

“It’s just going to go faster. Have you got anything set up yet?” Kelly nodded at the question.

“We’ve got all the furniture from our oldest, so that’s easier. Plus a lot of his clothes I think.”

“I thought this was…” She trailed off, flicking through Sylvie’s file.

“My first pregnancy. We adopted our eldest last year.” Her words left no space to argue with her, a nod from the doctor.

“Ah, understood. Thanks.”

The rest of the appointment went more smoothly, and they slipped into Kelly’s car. His hand barely left hers apart from when she got into the car, and even when he got into his side he took it again.

“I meant what I said, you know.” Kelly turned his head as they were at a stop light. “I’m getting in touch with the court, we don’t even need a lawyer. You’re Andy’s dad, you’re adopting him. As long as you want to.”

“Yeah…yeah I do. I didn’t think you wanted me to do it.”

“There’s nobody else I’d rather do it. I mean it.”

They were quiet on the rest of the drive, both caught in their own thoughts. It was so much to deal with, Sylvie’s mind spinning. They’d started running as soon as the relationship had started, and part of that scared her. But as she thought about it it was completely right. They’d had so many false starts, and was it really them if they didn’t rush through the traditional relationship stuff?

“Where are we going?” Sylvie asked as they passed the turn they should have taken instead heading towards Wicker Park.

“Molly’s. Herrmann asked me to stop by, is that ok?”

“Sure.”

She pulled out her phone and started going through the list of things she’d need that she’d written. Most of it she already had from Andy so she could delete a lot of it, especially the clothes. They had enough anyway. A little part of her was disappointed that she wouldn’t get to do the usual pregnancy things, but it was how things happened. She’d still rope Kelly into coming shopping with her for a new stroller that could fit the two boys in it. But they had to get a toddler bed for Andy, turning what had been Kelly’s room into the new nursery for Matt. They could see how things went as time continued.

When they pulled up to Molly’s the lights were off, Sylvie staring at the bar.

“Are you sure he’s here?”

“He’s doing inventory. Coming in? And are we gonna tell him the sex?” Kelly smiled that crooked smile, and she felt her heart beat a little faster.

“He won’t give up if we don’t tell him, so yeah. Let’s do it.” 

Kelly walked into the bar first, holding the door open as Sylvie came through it. But inside were all their friends and coworkers, balloons and smiles on faces as they yelled surprise at her.

“What…what is this?” She asked, staring at them all.

“Your baby shower. It’s your first pregnancy, you’re getting spoilt.” Donna Boden was the first to greet her, arms wrapping around Sylvie with a smile on her face. Andy ran straight to her and Sylvie lifted him up, balancing him around her bump while she still could.

There was a pile of gifts for her, most of them things that were actually for Sylvie, rather than for the baby. There were pampering sets and boxes of chocolates, along with three really large boxes of diapers. They were from premie to a few months old, Sylvie smiling at them.

“This is from everyone at 51. If it doesn’t work we’ll get you the store credit and you can pick what you want, but they said it’d be ideal for you.” Boden pushed a huge box into the middle of the room, Sylvie staring at it. Kelly looked just as surprised to see it, but everyone was waiting for them to open it.

“Did we miss everything? We got stuck in traffic!” Sylvie turned to see her mom and dad rushing into the bar, slightly red faced and worried. But she grinned, both of them hugging her as tightly as they could.

“Gamma! Hi Gamma!” Andy said, insisting on getting into his grandmother’s arms. Monica just took him, revelling in the hug from her grandson.

“Mom, Dad, this is Kelly.”

“Mr and Mrs Brett.” He held out his hand, John taking it and shaking once before pulling Kelly in for a hug. Monica did the same with her free arm, kissing his cheek and making the younger man flush.

“You’re just in time, Mr and Mrs Brett. Do you want to sit?” Violet brought them around so Kelly and Sylvie could open the present, ripping the large sheets of wrapping paper from around it.

It was a multi child stroller, like one of the ones Sylvie had really wanted but thought they couldn’t justify. There was space for two children in it, and a standing board so if Andy wanted to stand as she pushed they could. The smile couldn’t leave her face as she looked at it.

“Thank you. All of you.” She couldn’t quite believe it, Kelly pressing a kiss to her temple as he smiled. He gave her a look and she nodded quickly, letting him give this news to their friends, their family.

“We found out today that we’re having a boy. We’re gonna name him Matthew.” The room burst into applause, tears in the eyes of the people who’d been close to Matt and Gabby. The rest of the afternoon was filled with hugs, people filing out until Kelly, Sylvie, her parents, and Andy were some of the last there.

“I’ll use the minivan to get the box to your place, don’t worry. Go spend time with your parents,” Herrmann told her, giving her a final hug. “We’re all happy for you. You know that, right?”

“I know. Thank you.”

They walked outside, Andy holding Kelly’s hand and grinning as he did.

“Do you want to get dinner? There’s a great diner a couple of blocks away, we stop in for milkshakes every so often.” There was an awkwardness between Kelly and her parents, but Sylvie was proud of him for making the effort with them.

“That’d be nice. It’s later than we thought, we should get on the road.”

“Stay with us.” Sylvie gawked at Kelly when he finished speaking. “Andy hasn’t seen you in a couple of months, we’ve a spare bedroom. If there isn’t anything you specifically can’t do here, stay with us.”

Monica and John mulled it over for a moment but nodded, looking at the little family. “Thank you, that’d be wonderful.”

They sat at a booth, Andy on the edge in a high chair. He kept grasping at everyone’s food, not content to eat his own toddler sized grilled cheese. But the mood was high among the four adults, things easing between them all. Even that evening once Andy was in bed they sat on the couch and watched a movie. Sylvie felt weird being held by Kelly with her parents in the room but she pushed that weirdness away, taking his hand and putting it on her belly when she could feel Matt’s kicks. He couldn’t feel them yet, but he smiled every time she did it.

The next morning Kelly had shift, Sylvie going into work with him. Cindy still took Andy for the full twenty four hours so they could keep him in a routine, and he wasn’t happy saying goodbye to his grandparents. But he got into the car with Kelly, Sylvie hugging them goodbye.

“Thanks for being here,” she murmured to her mom, a tight squeeze in response.

“It’s not every day our eldest has her baby shower. We’re so proud of you. And Kelly’s a good man. I know there’s been issues but I think you’re both happy now.”

“We are. I’m lucky.”

“Good. I’ll tell you when we get home.”

“Love you, Mom.” She pulled her mom in for another squeeze before doing the same to her dad.

“We love you too. Don’t be late.”

It was a quick drive, dropping Andy off and heading to 51. Before they got out of the car Sylvie pulled Kelly across to her, giving him a kiss. They tended to stop any PDA before they reached the firehouse, neither particularly comfortable with it in work. He looked at her confusedly before they got out of the car.

“My mom said you’re a good man.” His face brightened, the two holding hands as they got inside.

Her shift passed quickly, a wave to her friends and a squeeze of Kelly’s hand before she left. It was her normal night alone when Kelly was on shift, curling up on the couch with popcorn and House Hunters. Every few minutes the bowl on her belly would shake slightly as Matt nudged her. It was barely noticeable, but she knew she had to tell Kelly as soon as she could. He’d want to try feel the movements.

The next morning she got in early, Squad just returning from a call. When Kelly saw her he pulled her into a cuddle, holding her tightly against his chest.

“Bad call?”

“The worst. I just need to know you’re here.”

She held onto him, giving him the comfort and support he needed even in the middle of the app floor. He needed her and if she could give it to him then she would.

“I love you,” Sylvie whispered as he finally let go, her hand cupping his sooty cheek.

“I love you too. So much.” She got on tiptoes to kiss him, the bump almost but not quite getting in the way of what she wanted to do.

All too soon it was time for her to start work, a final goodbye to Kelly and checking in on everyone else who’d been at the fire. It was a gas leak in a home that had exploded, a family gone in a matter of seconds. She hugged and cared for everyone the same, making sure they knew she was there for them, But she had to sit and work, staring at her computer when she wanted to be there with her boyfriend and son, making sure Kelly was ok.

That night when she got home from work she wasn’t sure what was going on. The living area of the condo was quiet, nobody around.

“Kelly? Andy?  Where are you?”

“Mama! Bed Mama!” She followed Andy’s voice to her bedroom, stopping still at the doorway. Andy was in a mini suit, a grin on his face. Kelly was in a matching one, a yellow tie around his neck as he held Andy and smiled at Sylvie staring at them. The room was lit by electric candles, the soft light making it glow.

“I’m not dressed for anything fancy.” The words slipped out of Sylvie’s mouth as she watched them, Kelly smiling wider.

“You always look fancy. But this is you and me, and our boys. Because I want to remind you that we love you. There’s a dress and shoes on the bed, we’ve got dinner reservations.”

He left her to get dressed, Sylvie slipping on the full skirted outfit and doing a twirl. Kelly hadn’t left her much time but she did the most basic makeup before stepping out into the living room. Her boys were there waiting for her, a toothy grin on Andy’s face seeing her.

“You look beautiful.” Kelly kissed her gently, and Matt moved in her belly. She took her boyfriend’s hand and pushed it against where their second child had kicked, waiting for Matt to do it again. He did, Kelly brightening even more.

“That’s our boy?”

“That’s him. Let’s go to these reservations.”

As she walked out of the condo carrying Andy, Kelly close behind her, there was nothing else Sylvie Brett could have wished for in that moment. Despite the trials and struggles she had her boys and she couldn’t wait for their family to grow and be permanent.