#my nightmare hell life tag

[theultimatepumpkinpie]

I wish society understood and accepted neutrality better. Like the second you wave off being aggressively positive people freak out "OH NO YOU CANT BE NEGATIVE IT'LL MAKE YOU DEPRESSED" bitch I'm not being negative and I'm not being depressed. I've been there done that but now I'm not and things aren't great but that's okay. Some parts of life just suck and accepting your limitations doesn't have to be negative. It can just be neutral. We can just exist.

[buttercupshands]

Chapter 419 Analysis or "How to completely break Tenko Shimura" a manipulative guide from All For One (part 1)

This is mainly a character analysis of Shigaraki Tomura or Shimura Tenko, any other character present is there to help.

Chapter 419 was hard to comprehend even with just summaries right on April 4th. Some things need at least fan translation to fully make sense. Or just hurt more in that matter.

Warning of spoilers to the whole manga to the point of chapter 419! All of the warnings from the respective Tomura chapters are applicable.

So like... mentions of death, killing other people, manipulation, emotional abuse and many more!

This is Part 1 - See Part 2 for something less depressing

This is going to be long! So let's start, shall we?

First of all we'll need to take into understanding ALL the chapters that we'll need to remember/reread just make this chapter worse (skip if already familiar with them):

Chapter 222 - Tomura Shigaraki: Distortion

Chapter 234 - Destruction Sense

Chapter 235 - Tenko Shimura: Origins

Chapter 236 - Tenko Shimura Origins, Part 2

Chapter 237 - Tomura Shigaraki: Origins

This is your "Tenko and Tomura understanding" starter pack, basically. Without them it's harder to even start unpacking what just happened with Tomura's perspective in mind

Well then.

The chapter starts and we are immediately greeted by AFO semi-agreeing without wanting to, that Tomura was strong enough before Izuku started trying "saving" him in his own way and even succeeded making Tenko's will all the more fragile than it was when he returned using his hate to his advantage.

Even after Izuku holding Tenko's hands for the whole chapter he was still stubborn enough to continue even without that hate in his heart

And the thing that initial summaries missed was the fact that Tomura actually reacted to AFO reapperance.

Still not understanding why AFO was even saying that.

Tenko was literally taught by AFO to follow "what he wants" in ch 237 with Tenko making his first decision to kill someone himself. And never actually hiding that Tomura just needed to never forget that hatred and those bad emotions that Tomura never really understood. And it took Izuku seconds to decipher them.

With AFO reassuring Tomura that he has no need in following morals of society and just should follow whatever he wants - his want to destroy everything that hurts him. And only AFO would accept and help him. He was constantly reminded of that.

Even if Tenko was feeling sick from killing at first, even if hands that he wore were still making him sick 15 years later without him understanding anything. Decisions made while person is emotional are usually the ones that the person might regret the most and Tomura lived with those unstable emotions for years. Knowing that they hurt him and make him feel sick.

But Sensei said that it's okay to follow those emotions. That's it's actually great that he does it.

Everything was for his sake, everything was for Tomura Shigaraki and Tomura Shigaraki only. He was his Sensei's successor and no one should argue with it. He's the only one to be next ruler of the underground and the next king. And Tomura gladly accepted that as truth.

Since it was easier than facing his guilt.

Because AFO just needed Tomura to have enough willpower to get OFA when the plan is ready. To make Gigantomachia to follow him while Garaki was watching knowing full well how the plan is going. Both knowing full well that Tomura is still holding himself back.

In this chapter however we finally see how all of the things AFO told and taught Tenko were just to make him so sure that HE was in control and allowed to do whatever he wants to completely break his worldview in the end "after he gets OFA" which is an unreachable goal now since OFA is gone for good.

By just saying that Tenko never had any choice to begin with.

Tomura already knew that AFO manipulated him and he was just a pawn, needed only to get OFA and piss off All-Might he accepted and embraced it as something unimportant. It was his choice and he was free to do it and not feel bad about it. Since he's born to destroy.

Until suddenly it wasn't just his life after Decay that was manipulated.

But his whole life from birth. Just because AFO didn't get his hands on Hana sooner and she was happy while AFO needed someone hurt and broken. And Shimura's household wasn't as bad as he needed it to be at first with Kotaro loving his children, wife, in-laws and even his mother.

And AFO destroyed it by creating so much conflict and even going out of his way to make sure Tenko's father knew that he was playing heroes with some kids. And even saved them by putting his own quirkless life in danger.

In some sense narrator-Tomura's words at the end of ch 236 still might hold true. AFO didn't just create his hate out of nowhere, to make it feel like even if Tenko remembers everything it's still he's doing not a villain appearing, not just some accident that it actually was.

Although AFO doesn't say anything about people who didn't help Tenko even though he he knew that it happened so he most probably was watching it happen until Tenko lost all hope entirely to finaly make him dependent on his help.

And he succeeded for the most part.

Tomura was making an assumption after he remembered everything that he "must've been yearning for that" and from that point onwards explains everything that happened as "I wanted it - I did it" and was clinging to it like a lifeline to explain everything.

He accepted that if Re-Destro is talking about his Decay quirk affecting him he exists only to destroy.

And now it seems he found a false motivation for himself that AFO created by cruely manipulating everything from his quirk to his family. Making him believe he had a hand in it. Breaking one of "safe" truths that Tomura never doubted. They only made his decisions feel right.

Which makes that a hopeless loop of broken memories being staged just to let Tenko become Tomura who hates and destroys everything believing that it's his choice. Only choice at that.

And if destroying is him only choice because of his quirk... then what can a quirkless person do while having so many people dead from his own hands? Hands that were literally cursed to have destruction quirk in them not because he was born to do it. But because his own Sensei wanted that.

And he's "unwavering heart" is now nothing but an illusion that was destroyed by both Izuku and AFO together.

There's no "Can I be a Hero?", because can he even be a Villain if most of the choices that were from Decay and the hatred in his heart weren't actually his own?

[vanweezer]

that type of person who you think you'd be friends with in every universe - expressed through jim & corey - id/transcript in alt text

so this is a kind of not-so-surprise for my friend @sinclarsupremacy , bc they were the first person i showed this two and was on the phone with me the whole time while i made it. didn't give a single thing away until everything was scanned and done. five dead pens and one reliable sharpie later, i show him this. wanted to get used to drawing the slipsour guyz more but also wanted to articulate something i have troubles saying to important people. this is kind of an ode to all my close friends ive made who i definitely wouldve hung around some graveyards with, and an ode to some bands i didnt know id like as much as i do 🫶

[theoscelosaurus]

(bit of a vent lol)

So. I get a lot of derision for 'giving up as soon as things get hard' and in some ways I get it. I know how it looks but I just– I'm so. so fucking tired of hearing 'just try, you'll see it isn't so bad'

As if I haven't tried. As if I don't know full well that it is that bad. It took 3 months of 'just pushing myself' to almost kill me. It sounds so stupid when I say it like that and I don't think ppl would really get it even if I told them, i mean how could they? I barely know what happened and I was there

It took me 3 months to go from being student at a top 5 university with the single minded goal of getting a PhD in theoretical quantum mechanics to not being able to read.

I couldn't talk; no matter how hard I tried the words were so slurred people couldn't understand what i was saying (not that I would have understood it if they replied). I've been an artist my entire life but I couldn't remember how to hold a pencil, let alone how to drink a glass of water without pouring it all over myself.

It didn't kill me but it killed every part of me I cared to keep alive. It's been 3 years and while I can paint and hold an only slightly stilted conversation and do just enough of everything to get by I'm nowhere near the person I was and I don't think I ever will be.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't in pain and I spend an average of 18h a day in bed. But yeah. If I just try a bit harder this time, care a bit more. As if I don't live every day with the knowledge that if push came to shove I would rather die than risk ever experience it again

And yeah, that does mean I would rather die than get a job. I don't care how childish that sounds it is not worth it, it is never ever going to be worth it

[crimeronan]

sometimes polyamory is just a long line of partners telling you "okay so. while you were crying this morning, we all called and left separate uncoordinated voicemails on your doctor's answering machine about the latest administrative debacle. sorry,"

[sylphidine]

Back on my bullshit of writing stories for a fandom so small that maybe five or ten people, tops, will read them.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Tuvok’s Father, Sunak, telling his favorite story

[catboyholic]

like a decade later or something and hellaween/christmizzle still live in my head rent free

loool at this point the joke has gone on way too long to stop now...

[freedomsbounty]

Relationship tags

A constant work in progress.

˗ˏˋ ✨ bonds ﹕ you're my victory so I'm gonna soldier on Zarya x Vivian !

˗ˏˋ ✨ bonds ﹕ everything that you hold you make it shine like gold Kass x Evie !

˗ˏˋ ✨ bonds ﹕ every time I lost the light your song would bring me back to life Goliath x Elisa ! ˗ˏˋ ✨ bonds ﹕ tell me your nightmares and fantasies sink into the wasteland Zarya x Odessa !

˗ˏˋ ✨ bonds ﹕ share this world. the seas. the stars. eternity my lady; fall into me Kass x Soma !

˗ˏˋ ✨ bonds ﹕ from hell with love I write confess my passion crime Sevika x Xu !

˗ˏˋ ✨ bonds ﹕ she lit a fire and now she's in my every thought Zarya x Satya !

˗ˏˋ ✨ bonds ﹕ you're my heaven in my heartbeat and my one true bliss Sevika x Satya !

[theultimatepumpkinpie]

I HATE how much of a bad effect being poor has on your health. Even if you don't (can't) work to the back breaking standards society sets for you you still end up fucked up. I can't afford good food, I can't afford vitamins, I can't afford meds my insurance doesn't cover, I can't afford dental work (that isn't under my contract with my dentist). What the fuck are we supposed to do

[chaos-coming]

Is it lame that i think i need to see a therapist bc im having mild ptsd symptoms from the extreme xenophobia and nastiness i experienced in my 2 years living in austria (including multiple wg situations of xenophobic bullying, having to get a lawyer to stop them from deporting me during exams bc they didnt want to give me a student visa based purely on my 'ethnic' name, professors who were openly nazi sympathisers and even targetted me specifically, a labor dispute with my boss in which he was several flavors of racist to my coworkers and in retaliation for speaking out about working conditions ran a personal smear campaign against me that spread across the entire country's organic ag communities, rich white classmates who called me poor and stupid in front of the professors to (successfully) gain brownie points (with no clue that i had just as good grades as their spoiled asses even with working 30 hours a week at the uni bar), and an endless bureaucratic nightmare that is living in the backwater shithole they call a country)

Like i still feel unjustified in calling it mild ptsd but im now even less trusting of people and more biased towards europeans and afraid to ask anything of the people at the department at my new uni in sweden because i know 100% theyd yell and/or insult me in austria for daring to bother them. Coming to austria after having been away is always like a slap in the face because people are just so nasty. And proud of how mean they are, like ?? Like i need to talk to someone about the extremely negative effect living there has had on me to the point of getting depression

[cuteniarose]

It’s almost 6 a.m and I can’t sleep because I’m being plagued by thoughts of The Latest OC

[supportgaza]

Traumatized in Ireland While my Family is Facing Death and Starvation in Gaza

Note: Vetted by:

1. @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi # 151 on the spreadsheet of Vetted Gaza Fundraisers List]

2. @riding-with-the-wild-hunt Here .

I contemplate the happy faces of people around me here in Ireland and reminisce about the happy normal life my family and I had before the war. A life that turned into a distant memory for us and was replaced by an unending series of horrible nightmares.

Unlike my family in Gaza, people here have access to drinking water, all types of food, electricity, and a roof over their heads. Above all, they are safe, and I cannot help but wonder if they genuinely do appreciate these blessings in their lives enough.

People seem relaxed and laughing wholeheartedly around me in Ireland. I wish I could laugh too, but I am crushed way beyond recovery on the inside. I was evacuated by my Irish college after five months of living the horrors of war in Gaza. I hope you will never know what it feels like to live in constant fear and worry and be horrified by the most sickening and scary nightmares every single night while you are far away from your family in such circumstances.

When did my people in Gaza cease to be human beings worthy and deserving of a normal life? Has it become normal now for my family in Gaza to be starved and killed while the whole world is watching the genocide? If that is the case, then you will have to excuse me if I seek every avenue to bring them to Ireland and start a new normal life like all people here around me.

I was assured by the Irish Reugee Council (IRC) and lawyers in Ireland that there is hope I can reunite with my family in Ireland. In difficult times, it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For me and my family, you are literally our light and hope for a better life.

SOS!

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[intertexts]

<< so ive had these saved since u posted them because holy shit. hi. roswell apollo dodgeball momence. AS SOON as u made the rose lalonde post i was like. oh god oh fuck. how do i reblog this without giving them any hints. oh god. oh no. they dont even know . oh ashe winters youre so rose lalonde coded welcome to your grimdark mode! yippee!

also. smiles. full trickster art as well :) hi i am holding your shoulders so u dont tremble out of ur skin like a chihuahua. giving u one of those thunder jackets. how are u feeling. how was prime defenders season 1 was it fun. was it good. are you mentally preparing yourself for season 2. oh god

um. yeah. forever angry that they still put mark in jail after that. what did he do to deserve this (<< the crimes) . free my man his kid just got possessed by the same thing that killed his wife. ohhhhh i go fucking crazy thinking about between-season mark winters. he was unconscious for all of that. who tells him? he doesnt even know . he just wakes up in fucking prison apparently

im literally ill dude im gonna be fucking sick

[stormy-nights-are-best]

There is a point at which school becomes just completely useless. There are skills you learn later on that (there's a big chance) you'll never need for your future job.

In maths, I consider it important to learn about converting numbers into percentages and working with scales. Everyone should know what a 20% discount on your 50$ shirt means‚ and how to look at a map with a scale and understand how far you gotta walk up to your destination. But trigonometry (the study of angles)? analytic geometry? fvcking prime numbers?? A kid should be able to opt out of that.

I'm personally too much of a sciences fan to tell you anything that wouldn't come around as useful later in your life‚ but mandatory physics is kind of an overkill. Why do schools force you to learn how to calculate which bus is gonna get the most damage from a boulder falling from heaven considering it's windy in Hawaii?

In my birth country‚ PE wasn't mandatory if you proved you were enrolled in sports outside of school. Not trying to flex here, but you could focus on karate‚ swimming‚ hockey‚ whatever - instead of being forced to be good at every single sport.

Mandatory English classes (not as a foreign language) are also just stupid after you learn basic grammar and the different media types. The ability to classify words and where they should go in a sentence, to know where to put a comma - that's useful. Classifying clauses is a waste of time.

Sure we should know about our countries' classic literature pieces. I can't find two kids who enjoy being forced to read those old books though. Recently, in the country I moved to, kids have been given 10 minutes out of English class to quietly read a book they brought to school themselves (and it can't be in a foreign language). They're encouraged to ask questions about unknown words and such. That's interesting. That's gotta be way better than reading and interpreting a news article the don't give a fudge about.

I'm sorry for the long text, but school system is so disgustingly flawed. I didn't even talk about speeches and presentations, that are the number one fear of many children regarding school.

[duskgryphon]

fun? update on my neocities i've been figuring out how to implement modals the way i want them which means a little pop-up post type thing ^ both for information about each individual piece that isn't utilising alt text (not what it's for) and also to separate the thumbnail image and modal's image to reduce loading time issues.

which means i've finally learnt css! initially i implemented the pop-ups solely using html but that doesn't work very well in the end ^^". significantly faster this way and different images simply use different class tags (? what is this called) to set them in correctly.

this whole thing has so much of me butting my head against little issues in the code and digging around for solutions (nightmare!) but it's a lot of fun. the modal itself needed adjusting the same way as the pop-up for it to sit in the centre of the viewport but that i sorted out first thankfully.

i still have to figure out how to get the images in the pop-up itself to sit centred and have them take into account the fact that none of the images are exactly the same which is... hopefully possible. it's also incredibly broken with any screen on portrait mode (or at least phones....) but there's not much i can do about that (for now?)