#my music teachers didn’t like when i would write the letter on top of each note in my own music books! because apparently it’s not really

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Adhd will strike you with the sudden urge to hear cascadia’s every time we touch played on a mini harp and you cannot rest until you find a video of the closest thing you can

[blxetsi]

I was curious if you’d be up for headcanon of adopting Gabi Braun, or what it’s like being her older sibling?

If not maybe just Pieck relationship headcanons

Please and thank you

im so sorry im getting to this so late 😭🤚 ty for requesting ‼️

‼️CONTENT WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 AND CHAPTER 139‼️

adopting gabi braun headcanons (canonverse)

characters: gf!sasha braus x gn!reader, platonic!gabi braun x gn!reader, fatherly!levi ackerman x gn!reader, platonic!falco grice x gn!reader

warnings: death, angst, hatred for kids (fuck them kids‼️), peepaw levi 😁👍

- uhhhhhh,, your relationship w gabi had a very rocky start. Lol !

- it all started when your friend eren jaeger decided to run away to infiltrate marley causing the survey corps to go get him just as a war was declared between your countries, and then two kids snuck onto the airship you were using to escape and shot your girlfriend. and she died. Lol !

- you had a lot of hatred for gabi in the beginning, and it was understandable

- you blamed her for shooting sasha, but you also blamed yourself for not being able to save her.

- you were a trained medic, you were supposed to save people, and yet you couldnt even save the woman you loved. it was like a slap in the face, like god was playing some cruel joke on you

- you remember sitting against the wall with sasha's blood staining your hands. you could barely process what happened at the time, and then levi came

- he sat next to you, taking a handkerchief out of nowhere seemingly, and just wordlessly wiped your hands down.

- your relationship with the older man was never defined, even today, but you both cared for each other

- the next time you saw gabi, was in that restaurant, niccolo had attacked gabi and falco, injuring them both, and said she killed sasha

- your blood went cold, you felt so many things, the grief you had pushed down in favour of your job, anger, fear, among other things

- niccolo had said there needed to be justice, he said that gabi should die for what she did, he tried to get sasha's father to kill her, and all you did was stand there.

- your body went on autopilot, barely listening to mr. braus' speech, you watched as kaya pointed a knife at gabi, and you listened to her wails of agony as you blindly led mikasa, armin, and gabi to a different room

- you were scared of yourself, for what you were thinking. did you really want a kid to die ? she did kill your girlfriend, the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, the woman that shared her food with you, the woman that held you when you got scared at night, the woman that promised you that after the war you two would live on a farm together, and have a family of your own.

- but she was still a child. she didnt know any better. you were conflicted in your feelings, especially after hearing what niccolo had said, but it all just emphasized what was already known to you. she was a child

- your blood was pounding in your ears, and you could faintly hear gabi asking your comrades if they wanted to kill her. when armin reassured her they didnt, she looked to you and asked "what about them ?"

- you didnt answer her, and continued to lead them down where eren would be meeting you all. you were supposed to drop them off, but eren made you stay, and then a fight broke out

- you dont remember when you did it, but you held gabi in your arms, shielding her from the fight. you think you needed to be held more than she did

- things got more complicated after that, and slowly the hatred you had for sasha's killer went away, until all you had left was a hole in your chest from guilt and sadness.

- at fort salta, you thought you were going to die there, next to your friends. you thought you'd become a mindless titan, like connie's family

- but you didnt, well you did, but only for a short time, and when you turned back, you reunited with your friends

- looking around for gabi, you saw her tackle falco into a hug, which made you smile

- "y/n !" jean called, you remember looking behind you in confusion, he sounded distressed, but you understood why when you saw sasha saluting the three of you

- you felt your legs move on your own, and you ran closer to her, before stopping about a meter away. she was dead, you knew she was dead, but she was there, wearing that goofy smile on her face and looking at you as if you'd hung the stars in the sky

- she looked at you. "you did good." hearing her voice felt like a dream. your mouth felt dry, and your jaw opened and closed like a fish before you felt tears sting your eyes. "i love you."

- she nodded, before looking at the sky. "i know." she replied. sasha looked back at you before giving you a soft smile. "you know what to do now." before she disappeared in the debris

- you knew what to do, so you did it

- you found levi sitting against a rock, and when you leaned down next to him he muttered something. "i saw erwin again. and hange. all of them." you nodded. "i saw sasha." he looked at you, and gave you the closest thing to a smile. "i guess we're both at peace now."

*****

- three years later, you've become a school teacher in paradis, teaching young children how to read, to write, and basic math. you teach them about art and music, and nature. its nice being surrounded by children all day, kids are lovely.

- you live with gabi, falco and levi, in a small house inside wall sina. levi's legs have gotten weaker with time, causing him to use a wheelchair and crutches. he's given up on his dream of a tea shop, but is content with the life he has now.

- gabi and falco have gotten more rowdy with age, but they've both matured quite a bit. they make you proud

- you send letters to sasha's family. kaya is growing up, and has taken over archery just like her sister. niccolo is living with them now.

- you'll never be able to let go of sasha, or what happened to her, but the pain in your chest has dulled immensely. you think about her sometimes, when youre in bed alone, wanting to feel the warmth of her body in your arms, you know you should move on, you get teased about not having a new girlfriend, even levi has made comments about there being "plenty of fish in the sea"

it was a late night, on a friday. you were grading spelling tests at the dining room table, one lone candle being your source of light. your pen moves swiftly across the different pieces of paper, adding check marks or x marks when needed, adding a note at the bottom of each test, before adding a smiley face on all of your students' hard work. it was tedious, but it needed to be done, and you had to remember to bring them in on monday, you couldn't forget like last time.

you heard footsteps coming down the stairs. they were soft, and slow, and at first you thought it was levi but realized it couldn't be since you couldn't hear the soft tapping of his crutches on the stairs. they came down to the bottom and stood there, it was gabi, dressed in a light pink nightgown that came down to her knees, and her disheveled hair in the braid you did for her before bed.

you pushed your reading glasses to the top of your head. "what are you doing up ? it's late."

she shrugged, and walked over to sit across from you at the table. gabi grabbed the stack of papers that you already graded and shuffled through them, giggling when she found a misspelling.

you rolled her eyes. "don't laugh, they're six."

she shook her head. "i was spelling ten times better than this when i was their age."

"uh huh."

"are you calling my bluff ?"

you chuckled. "maybe. you should be in bed though."

"why ? it's not like we have school tomorrow."

you shrugged. "i was thinking we could go on a picnic outside the walls. it gets stuffy in here."

she nodded. "that would be fun."

the silence came back for a while, until you finished grading and set your papers aside.

"you know, i hear you sometimes." she whispered.

you looked at the brunette in confusion. "how do you mean ?"

"when your in bed, sometimes you cry."

you scoffed, and leaned back in your chair. "yeah well, i try to muffle it."

"i don't think ive ever apologized to you," she started. her eyes welled up with tears and her hands shook on the table. her cheeks and nose became pink as she held herself back from crying. "i know i feel bad, and i regret killing her but, i've never actually apologized to you for-"

"don't." you said. you kept your eyes on your lap, you felt your throat growing tight. "please gabi, don't say anything."

"i need to apologize-"

"you don't. you killed her. she's dead, the war is over. it's done. just let it go." you said, your voice wavering.

"have you let it go ?"

your head shot up to her. "i lost the woman i was going to spend the rest of my life with. she promised me a safe home, a farm, and a family. and she promised we'd grow old together. and that didn't happen. i grew up with her, i've known her since i was twelve, we started dating when i was sixteen. of course i haven't let it go, gabi."

gabi looked shocked by your outburst, but nodded. she understood how you felt, and she felt so guilty. "you don't forgive me do you ? i get it, i really do. i'm sorry."

you shook your head. "gabi no, i do. i do forgive you. i just, i can't forget it." you whimpered, tears started streaming down your face and you choked back a sob. "i loved her with all of my heart, i still do, but i don't hate you-"

gabi rolled her eyes, tears coming out uncontrollably now. "you should. i killed her, i ruined your chance of a happy life ! she was your family and i-"

"gabi no !" you exclaimed, cutting her off. at this point you both looked like a mess, and you were worried you woke up the boys. you grabbed her shaking hands in your own and held them to you. "you are my family. you are. so is falco, and so is levi. i forgive you, and i love you with all of my heart." you said, a sad smile on your face. her eyes widened at your words, before she started sobbing.

you got up from the table to come to her side, and held her in your arms as she cried. her arms wrapped around your shoulders while she dug her head into your neck, tickling you with her hair.

you rubbed her back and cradled her head while shushing her. she sobbed out a muffled "i love you so much y/n." that you chuckled at.

"i love you too so much." you whispered back.

it took a long time for gabi to calm down, but when she did you still held her, rocking her and yourself back and forth slightly. you two moved from the chairs down to the floor, funny enough.

you kissed the top of her head before talking, the only noise in the room being your whispers, her sniffles and the living room clock. "you know reiner's coming home soon. are you excited ?" she nodded against your skin and sniffled again, clearing her throat too.

"i hope he brings me a gift or something." she whispered back, her voice hoarse. it made you laugh, and you had to cover your mouth to keep quiet.

"they're going to shiganshina district for a couple of days, to visit mikasa and eren, and then mikasa will come with them to the capital."

"do you miss her ?" she asked.

"so much. i miss all of them, but mikasa is a close friend of mine, she holds a special place in my heart."

"do you think you and levi will go to the meetings between the marley ambassadors and the jaegerists ?" she asked.

"maybe, if they feel as though they really need us."

you sighed through your nose, which was a bit stuffy from crying. "after we turned back into humans, i saw sasha again."

gabi lifted her head up from where it was resting on your shoulder. "what ?"

"yeah, i saw her ghost i think." you looked down on her with a smile on your face. "she told me i knew what i needed to do, and then i went and got levi and you and falco." you paused for a moment, thinking about how you would word what you were thinking. "i did what i needed to do, i got my family together." gabi's eyes widened. "sasha promised me a family, and although this wasn't the family i had envisioned, it's still a family nonetheless. i believe her last gift to me was you, falco, and levi. and i am so grateful to have you all in my life."

gabi smiled before hugging you. she opened her mouth to say something-

"oi !" a deep voice came from the top of the stairs. "you two woke me up with all of your crying. go to bed." before your heard the creaking of the floorboards and the closing of a door.

you chuckled before standing up, pulling gabi with you. you walked her to her room, and even tucked her in, you both exchanged 'i love yous' and 'goodnights' before you retreated from her bedroom, closing the door behind you.

across the hall, levi stood leaned on his doorway with his arms crossed together. "that family speech, that was cute." he commented. you rolled your eyes at the older man. "were you listening in on a private conversation ?" you teased.

the ex-captain scoffed and looked away. "go to bed y/n. we have a picnic to go on tomorrow." before closing his door.

you chuckled to yourself, remembering how you brought up the idea to him that morning, and he only replied with a curt "we'll see" before sipping on his morning tea.

you went back to your own room, and got into your bed. you turned on your side, and looked at the space you always left open for sasha, and brushed your hand against the pillow.

"goodnight love."

uhhhhh doesnt feel like my best work but whatevs 😁👍 enjoy my comeback to tumblr 🤩🙏

requests open mfs ‼️

[caramelcal]

Trained for Sin {part two}

Word Count: 2.2k 

Ship: Luke Patterson x Reader

a/n: wow...here is your highly requested part two! YALL GOT ME FEELIN FAMOUS!! Thank you so much for every single comment, note, request, repost and message. I am so thankful for them all and I’m glad you guys enjoy my silly little fics lol...

Would a ‘Luke Patterson’ tag be something you guys are interested in, so that you would be notified for every Luke fic I post or no? It’s just a little idea right now...

From Luke’s point of view for a bit of ~spice~

Warnings: friends with benefits themes, sexual themes, swearing 

Tags: @iainttakingshitfromnobody​ @ilymarkchan​ @starjane312​ @miranda0102​ @katrin-okay​ @mah-gah-lee​ @fantastic-fans​ @phantompogues​ @fangirlangioma​

disclaimer: i do not condone plagiarism on my work at all, this has not been posted on any other platforms, or on tumblr anywhere else but my account (rosemoonmist) if you see anyone plagiarizing mine (or anyone else’s account) please inform the rightful author ! thank you lovelies x

Part One   Masterlist

It wasn’t a particularly normal experience for Luke to be called down by his mom, but he tried to give it no thought as he bounded down the stairs that day. He could faintly hear the sound of a car starting up and leaving outside as he turned his attention towards his mom, “Hey mom, what’s up?”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he saw his mother stare down at the parcel with a slight, almost unnoticeable, frown. The older woman walked towards her son, giving him a weak smile as she spoke to him, “A h/c haired girl dropped this off for you. She seemed upset.”

That was even more confusing to Luke. Who would drop him off a parcel, and why would they be upset? He took the package off of his mother, flipping it around to look at the neat handwriting splayed out on the envelope that sat on top of the tan packaging of the parcel. That was your handwriting, but why would you send him a letter and a parcel?

Giving his mom a muttered thanks, Luke doesn’t stay around for any small talk and instead goes back up into his room, kicking the door shut behind him, all of his attention now on the parcel. Something is wrong, he knows that.

The guitar that Luke was playing before he was called down was long forgotten about as he sat down on the edge of his best, ripping the tan paper that you had wrapped the item in. You wrapped it as if it was a gift but it wasn’t. It was his hoodie he had given you the previous night in the car. Why did you not just return this yourself?

He placed the hoodie next to him on his bed, the envelope still in his hand. He was confused. Yet, as he opened the envelope and the key fell onto his lap everything started to fall into place. That was the house key he gave you so that you could come over whenever he needed you. With that, his stomach fell. No.

Luke was far from dumb, and he could already tell what this was going to be. He had dumped girls over text, he had dumped them in person, and just from the start of your letter, he knew what you were writing to him about. He just didn’t want to believe it.

Dear Luke,

This was probably not what you were imagining to get. Maybe you were imagining a present, or maybe you had a parcel that you were supposed to be getting delivered or something but this isn’t like that. Apologies for possibly getting your hopes up, but this way everything will be easier. I won’t have to fumble over my words and you won’t have to sit in embarrassment as some random girl tells you she no longer wants to have sex with you.

After that last statement, I can already tell you’ve probably stopped reading this, possibly ripped it up, or set it on fire and that’s alright. Yet, no matter how cliché it sounds, this isn’t your fault. This...Whatever we had was great while it lasted, especially at the start but now I have to search for something else. For something more...romantic.

I know you aren’t the romantic type, that had become obvious to me over the past months we have been involved with each other and that’s perfectly okay. I never expected anything more from you. I didn’t expect me to ever want anything more either but the more I watch the girls in the hallways with their boyfriend’s sweatshirts on, holding hands, kissing, hugging I can’t help but yearn for that.

I know I can never ask you to give me that because that was not our deal. I was never supposed to want anything more than meaningless sex, but I did, and I do. I’m just sorry it had taken me this long to realize this was not what I wanted; for either of us.

I think it’s best we don’t contact each other again, whether it be over the phone or in real life, not to give ourselves time to heal but to give us time to recover: for you to find a new girl that will give you everything I have and more; less commitment and more adrenaline and for me to find someone that will give me what I want. These last few months have been an interesting experience, and I wish you all the best.

I’m sorry.

You were gone, and you weren’t planning on coming back.

. . .

Luke had never been one for romance. The whole ‘teenage sweethearts' thing wasn’t for him. He knew that a lot of girls would kill to be in a relationship with him, but it was for popularity; you didn’t want that. Popularity was not a factor for you at all, Luke knew that even if he didn’t speak to you much.

Unbeknownst to you, Luke watched you too. Your small manners and quirks, and quickly became good at reading you. That was how he knew you were embarrassed in the car, even if he couldn’t see you blush. Luke knew a lot more about you than you suspected but the one thing he didn’t know was that you liked romance. Yet, it seemed that was new to you too. 

He thought you were all about the adrenaline and hook-ups like he was, and after seeing how you were on the first night you guys spent together, he thought you were more experienced than you had been. Walking through school felt different now as he glanced over at your locker, noticing your lack of presence. It didn’t feel right.

It was like an itch at his fingers, that something was off about him and he didn’t like it. Throughout the class, he couldn’t focus, his mind in a muddle and hands lightly trembling. It was like withdrawal. Withdrawal from you.

It wasn’t long before Luke walked out of the classroom, not caring about asking for teacher permission. Having a rich dad certainly had its benefits. The school was mostly funded by well-off individuals, allowing the school funds to pay teachers and make the school the best it could be, and with his dad being one of the main ones, he could get away with a lot. Luke’s dad never being around never really was an issue for Luke, he didn’t know what having a dad present was like.  Luke was just happy he could get away with a lot of things like skipping class and not handing in homework.

He made his way down the corridor, subconsciously finding himself heading towards the music department. It was abnormally quiet down there, normally the music department was bustling with sound, but maybe he would find sanity in the silence. That was what he was banking on.

A new sound evaded his senses however, the soft playing of piano keys in a nice and calming melody and he found himself drifting towards the sound. What he was met with, he was surprised. Leaning against the door frame, he watched you, your back turned to him, but he could tell from a mile away that it was you, “I didn’t know that you played.”

The piano playing stopped, indicating that you heard him, but you made no turn to move. He sighed, eyes looking over your figure before walking towards you. He slid next to you on the piano, looking over at your face, the direction of your gaze staying firmly ahead, not daring to stray to look over at him.

His gaze moved back down to the piano keys as he softly played a tune, clearing his throat a little, “Where is everyone?”

“Spirit assembly, they’ll be gone for the next two periods,” You replied monotonously as you continued to stare straight forward. Luke’s eyes stayed on the side of your face, not even looking down at the keys as he played effortlessly. You turned to face him, gesturing towards his face then to his hands, “Is this supposed to psych me out or something?”

Raising his eyebrows, Luke shook his head, his fingers lifting off of the piano keys, “What? No!”

“Whatever, Patterson,” You grumbled, getting up off of the piano seat and going to walk away, only for Luke to grab onto your lower arm in an attempt to stop you, “What?”

“I- uh- I just wanted to say you were good at playing the piano,” Luke commented dumbly, giving you a smile to which you responded with a blank stare. Luke did mean it when he said you were good at playing the piano but that was not what he meant to say. He meant to say something that would make you stay, that would get you to kiss him, to hold hands, and to be happy with him.

Because although he didn’t know it until he got your letter, he knew clearly now. He wanted to be with you, whether that meant fuck buddies, or if it meant dating with every single string attached.

“Really, Patterson? What are you trying to do here? Compliment me back into getting into bed with you?”

“Of course not,” Luke dismissed, climbing over the piano seat so that he stood right in front of you. He grabbed both of your hands, squeezing them in his lightly as he looked into your eyes, “Listen, I’m sorry.”

You quirked an eyebrow at him, confusion striking you as you asked, “What have you got to be sorry about, Patterson?”

“Everything. Y/n, I-I’m sorry that I initiated this whole thing between us two with the no feelings, because from that moment on when I said no feelings I was lying to not only you to but me.” Luke started, looking down at the floor as he began to let his feelings take over. It was one of the first times that Luke ever found himself relying on feelings to get words across, but it felt good to be able to let it out, “Y/n, I always thought I would never do relationships, but with you everything is different. I would hold hands with you down the hall, run around confessing my love for you. I would kiss you and hug you until the sun rose. I would do anything for you, y/n/n.”

Luke’s hazel stared down at your eyes, his ramble coming to an end, making him whisper the end part as he leaned closer to you. Whilst one hand still held onto your hands, one of his hands was on the side of your face, a calloused thumb stroking your cheek gently as he bent down to make direct eye contact with you.

You were dumbfounded. Luke Patterson just confessed his love for you. Luke Patterson. You didn’t know what to say. You never thought that Luke would ever be the type of person to chase after a girl because he wasn’t normally. So why was he so eager about you? He never seemed to show any interest but maybe he was like you; hiding your feelings until they become unbearable.

Butterflies formed in your stomach whilst you tried your best to fight off the smile that came on to your face, looking at Luke with soft eyes, “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Luke nodded his head with a light laugh, a smile on his face. You didn’t say anything in return and instead, you connected your lips with his. You had kissed Luke one hundred times before but nothing compared to the electricity of the kiss you felt right now.

Whilst normally the adrenaline flooded your veins, instead, it was love. It was different from what you were used to, but every touch of Luke on you felt like sparks, like the passion you had put into the kiss sparked electricity with it.

Luke disconnected your lips as he looked down, his hand letting go of your face as his arms went lower, beckoning you to jump up with his head, so you did. With you now in Luke’s arms, you reconnected your lips again, hands pulling on the brown strands of hair on the back of his head.

You barely even paid attention to the fact that Luke walked over to the piano as you deepened the kiss, his teeth biting gently down on your bottom lip, making you open your mouth in surprise. He took the opportunity for his tongue to explore your mouth, and you allowed it, pulling yourself closer to his chest, trying to get as close as you could to the boy. The boy who just confessed his love for you.

The spine of the piano was folded down and Luke placed the top of the piano down, causing you to disconnect your lips and look down at the sleek, polished, black top of the piano that Luke placed you on top of. You looked back at Luke, a look of hesitation to which he nodded, “Luke, no, we can’t do it here! What if we get caught?”

“You said it yourself y/n/n, everyone will be at spirit rally for the next hour,” Luke smirked, kissing you which made you smirk into the kiss as well.

With that, Luke lightly pushed you down onto the piano, climbing over the top of you, letting out breathlessly, “I love you.”

Luke didn’t wait for your response as he bent down to your neck, sucking on it, prepared to leave many marks littering your skin. However, you didn’t oppose, instead your hands made their way up Luke’s back and into his hair, letting out a gasp as he sunk his teeth lightly into your skin. 

And so the games begin.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fire and Light (ao3) - on tumblr: part 1, part 2, part 3

- Chapter 4 -

Nie Mingjue attended his first discussion conference as a ward of the Wen sect rather than a son of the Nie sect and found it more or less the same misery as it had always been, except with the extra twist of everyone looking at him with pity in their eyes.

The Jiang sect averted their eyes the way they always did. For all his talk about attempting the impossible, the only impossible thing Jiang Fengmian had ever dreamt of was a peaceful life, and his wife was strong in power but bitter and vicious in spirit, parceling out her love and sympathy in small dollops as if she thought she would run out if she gave too much of it away. That being said, their indifference and purely superficial show of sympathy was still better than the steely eyes of the Jin sect, which looked right at him with nothing but empty calculation, as if weighing him to see what use they could get out of him.

Lan Qiren, at least, looked genuinely upset to see him standing there in Wen colors, a frown creasing his brow with distress. Nie Mingjue wondered cynically if the Lan sect would have preferred that he and his brother be dead as martyrs instead of living symbols of Wen cruelty that, despite all their high-flying talk of rules and ethics, the Lan sect would do absolutely nothing about.

Still, he had been the man’s student once, so he bowed his head politely and called him teacher when Lan Qiren came to speak with him during one of the rest periods between speeches.

“Are you well?” Lan Qiren asked. “You are not being mistreated…?”

“Would it make a difference if I was?” Nie Mingjue asked. When Lan Qiren flinched, he shrugged. “In that case, honorable teacher, I’m fine. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go find my brother; he needs to be properly prepared for the competitions later.”

A flimsy lie, intentionally so, and Nie Mingjue wondered if he really had picked up something of Qishan Wen cruelty after all. It was only that it hurt him to see them there, standing free and saying nothing – the Lan had once been the closest allies of the Nie sect, just as the Jiang and the Jin were often paired together – and he couldn’t quite resist wanting to make them hurt, too, no matter how much he knew it was beneath him.

You were friends with my father and they murdered him, he wanted to shout. Murdered him, and I had to watch him die twice over! How can I be well? How can you dare to ask that of me, have you been well, as if I were still free to speak my mind, to be straightforward and honest, without having to always think of the pain that will follow later?

Maybe Wen Ruohan’s lessons really were starting to sink in, he thought bitterly, and hated himself for it.

He still didn’t apologize to Lan Qiren, but he did go to find Nie Huaisang, making the lie into truth. There wasn’t any point in registering his useless brother in any of the physical competitions, of course, but at every discussion conference there were also smaller competitions in the arts – calligraphy, painting, poetry – and Nie Mingjue was more than willing to lose a little of the pocket money he received each month (pointlessly, since he wasn’t allowed to leave the main manor or visit the markets of the Nightless City for fear that he would try to run away or make a scene) in betting on his brother’s success in those.

He also bet on Wen Qing in the competition of doctors’ apprentices, and Wen Ning in alchemy, archery and weiqi; he even put some money on Wen Chao for mathematics and told him so.

Wen Chao gaped at him. “Me? Mathematics?”

“You always answer those questions faster than anyone else,” Nie Mingjue pointed out, and patted him on the head the way Wen Chao not-so-secretly liked. “Do your best. If you place in the top twenty, I’ll have the kitchens make something sweet that you won’t have to share, something just for you.”

“…could I share it anyway? If I wanted to.”

“Of course,” Nie Mingjue said, pleased by the unexpected question and happy to show it. “It’ll be yours. You can do anything you want with it, even share.”

There weren’t even a full forty people planning to compete in mathematics, so he was moderately confident that Wen Chao – who wasn’t as stupid as he sometimes let himself think he was – would be able to place somewhere decent, and even if he didn’t Nie Mingjue wouldn’t hold it against him. He wouldn’t demand perfection and then ignore it the way Wen Ruohan did.

“Mingjue-xiong!”

Nie Mingjue turned to see Lan Xichen hurrying over, insofar as the Lan sect ever hurried. Lan Xichen’s younger brother was probably also getting ready for the arts competition – the two of them would undoubtedly dominate the juniors’ music competition, as they always did, and probably many of the other juniors’ categories as well – so it wasn’t a surprise to see him there, but it was still nice. They’d only spent a few months together during the summer Nie Mingjue had spent at the Cloud Recesses, his father trying to get him away from politics for at least a short time, but they’d been friendly back then, maybe even friends, even though Lan Xichen was a couple of years younger than him.

“It’s good to see you,” Lan Xichen said, his voice warm. “I wanted to write you a letter, but everyone said it was a bad idea.”

“It probably is,” Nie Mingjue admitted. He didn’t even know what he’d say in response to such a letter – what he was allowed to say, and what he wasn’t. “It’s good to see you, too. Are you competing in the fights later on?”

“I am, though I’ve heard that the main competition this year – swordsmanship – is going to be melee style, which means you’re certain to wipe the floor with everyone. But I can at least hope to place, if nothing else.”

Melee style favored the saber and the aggressive style of the Nie, so Lan Xichen was probably right – it wasn’t as though the Nie sect had sent any disciples, given that it was still officially in mourning for its sect leader. Nie Mingjue should be in mourning, should be refusing to eat meat since he was too young for the obligation to refrain from sexual congress to matter much to him, but it had been pretty clear from his first day at the Nightless City that he would either eat meat or have it forced down his throat. In the end, he’d given up on all the rest of it as well. He could mourn later, when he was free.

Assuming he’d ever be free again.

“Pity you can’t bet on a competition you’re participating in,” he teased, and Lan Xichen did him the grace of at least pretending to smile back. “Maybe you can get ahead of me in archery instead.”

Lan Xichen snorted at that. “I’m still counted among the juniors for archery, while you’re with the seniors,” he reminded him. “But somehow I don’t think that would make much of a difference.”

“I’m not that good at archery,” Nie Mingjue protested cheerfully. “Besides, I haven’t been allowed to practice it in months, not since –”

He stopped, realizing what he’d just said, and what he’d been about to say, from the way Lan Xichen’s face turned pale.

“Don’t think about it,” he advised his friend, turning his head away. He didn’t want to see Lan Xichen’s face like that, all sick with grief. “I try not to.”

Lan Xichen squeezed his hands. “You’re still yourself,” he said. “As long as you can keep true to that, nothing else matters.”

Nie Mingjue hoped he was right.

-

Nie Mingjue won the melee but lost in archery to Wen Xu, which was a result that pleased them both – Nie Mingjue was still growing and didn’t have the arm strength necessary to fully pierce the target, which gave Wen Xu’s equally accurate hits the small advantage needed to win.

“You’ll win it next time,” Wen Xu told him, and Nie Mingjue shrugged. “You will! You’ve grown nearly a quarter chi in the time that I’ve known you, and you weren’t short to start with.”

“And maybe next time the fighting won’t be melee,” Nie Mingjue pointed out. “There are formats that favor the sword more.”

Not to mention that next time, the main event wouldn’t be the sword, since discussion conferences generally rotated between the various martial skills.

Wen Xu rolled his eyes at him, though, clearly disregarding his words, and Nie Mingjue didn’t disagree - despite his words, he was proud of what he’d achieved.

He was even more proud of the younger children, though: Wen Qing was first in her competition and pleased as a well-fed cat about it, Nie Huaisang had placed second in calligraphy and fifth in poetry, and Wen Ning had gotten seventh in alchemy, his best result in years given his usual anxiety about performing in public. Wen Chao was the biggest surprise, having actually managed to come in fourth in mathematics, and everyone crowded around him, congratulating him, even as he stumbled around in a daze.

“He’d never tried to do well before,” Wen Xu said, catching Nie Mingjue’s gaze and his train of thought with it. “There wasn’t any point, since Father doesn’t care about the smaller competitions, only the main event, and mathematics is never a main event.”

“Surely the fun of winning is motivation enough?” Nie Mingjue asked. “He did well enough this year without advance study that he’d be sure to place in the top three in the next discussion conference if he really put in some effort.”

“He didn’t actually think he’d win,” Wen Xu said dryly. “He just didn’t want you to lose money.”

Nie Mingjue was about to explain that he didn’t care about the money – he wasn’t allowed to go spend it, as Wen Xu knew, and he didn’t see much point in hoarding it when it could be taken away just as easily as it was given – but then the children saw them coming and ran over.

Nie Huaisang in the lead, shouting, “Da-ge! Da-ge! You won!”

“Of course he won,” Wen Chao snapped at him, but in a good-natured, excited sort of way. “Who else did you think was going to win?”

“We all bet on you,” Wen Qing told him.

“Oh, come now,” he protested. “Someone should have bet on Wen Xu!”

“I would have told them off if they had,” Wen Xu said. “Well done. How much did we win?”

“We? Wen Xu! You can’t bet on your own matches!”

“Oh no,” Wen Xu said drolly. “Is that so? My mistake. I must have missed that.”

“Can’t you at least try to make it sound convincing…?”

-

Wen Ruohan was pleased with the results of the discussion conference. He made them stand up and recite their accomplishments at dinner, nodding as they did, and when he was done treating them like dancing monkeys, he told Wen Xu, “Next time, you come in first,” and swept out without another word.

“What a shitheel,” Nie Mingjue said, a little blankly. To not even give a single word of praise…!

“He can hear you,” Wen Chao hissed, horrified, glancing at the door.

“He was talking about someone else,” Nie Huaisang said quickly. “That person back at the conference – you remember?”

“Of course, of course, yes, I remember,” Wen Qing said. “That person. He was definitely a shitheel.”

Nie Mingjue felt the warmth of their affection, and it only made Wen Ruohan’s negligence rub his heart the wrong way even more.

“You all did wonderfully,” he told them, since someone should. “And I have no doubt that you will do even better at the next conference. You should be proud of yourselves. I’m certainly proud of you.”

He remembered that much, at least, when he woke up two days later, the magnitude of the beating he’d received for his impertinence having apparently knocked the rest of the day cleanly out of his head. There was some more afterwards that he’d said, apparently, but he remembered the important point, and he didn’t want to press any further; the others looked so miserable already.

“Maybe this’ll teach you a lesson,” Wen Xu said, and flinched when Wen Chao kicked him in the shins and ran away sobbing. “I didn’t - I just meant…”

“No, no, I understand,” Nie Mingjue said. The advice had been meant kindly, even if it was phrased badly.

Wen Qing huffed. “I bet you don’t,” she said, rubbing her nose, her own eyes suspiciously red. “What is it exactly you think you’ve learned?”

“Wait until he’s out of earshot to call him a –”

“I am going to smother you with your own robes,” Nie Huaisang announced. “Or at least gag you for your own good. Who’s with me?”

Nie Mingjue raised his one hand that still worked in surrender at the array of murderous glares in front of him. “Don’t attack me, I’m injured?”

No one seemed very impressed with that argument.

“You can’t do that again,” Wen Ning said quietly. His fingers were tight on the blanket. “Okay? You need to be more careful.”

“I don’t know if I can be,” Nie Mingjue said honestly. He was born with a mind as straightforward as the clean slice of a saber – what he felt, he thought; what he thought, he said. He was trying to learn politics and diplomacy, but it was hard on him, difficult. He was not and would not ever be a subtle man. “I’ll try, though.”

“Good,” Wen Xu said. “We need you to stick around.”

Nie Mingjue wasn’t sure why – he felt more and more extraneous these days, with no sect of his own to inherit and little purpose to life other than his determination that Nie Huaisang, and now the others, live as good a life as possible under Wen Ruohan’s endless tyranny – but he nodded agreeably.

They didn’t seem quite satisfied with that.

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 11: Intruloceit (pt 2)

@tsshipmonth2020

The sequel y’all were waiting for! (@hoppe-ideas)

Day 11: ‘Choose your own adventure’ day! I chose to continue from Day 9, since I couldn’t very well leave it there.

Content warning: allusions to abuse, Remus being Remus (need I elaborate?), implied past panic attack, mention of bipolar disorder, and of course, Janus’ crippling insecurities. Angst with a happy ending. 

Word count: 4k

*READ DAY 9 FIRST*

Blue: What time are you available?

Green: What is this, a doctor’s office? I’m free after lunch 

Blue: I was merely tr

Green: I know, I know. I’m just teasing you. It’s endearing, my little mocking-nerd. Bring your textbook, I’ll meet you in the cafeteria. It’s octopus learning time!

Blue: I will never understand you.

Green: Good 

He drew a crude rendering of the devil emoji, then a heart, and the conversation ended as quickly as it began.

--------------------------------------

Green: What would happen if you injected coca cola into your bloodstream

Blue: No.

Green: It’s just a question!

Blue: I’m assuming you would die.

Green: Damn. Can we try anyways?

Blue: No!

Green: C’mon, for science?

Blue: NO! Why did this question even arise?!

Janus hid a small chuckle, before immediately slapping a hand over his mouth. Even if the writing was as much on his arm as it was theirs, it still felt wrong to read it. Felt wrong to admit that he was starting to enjoy their shenanigans.

-------------------------------------

Green: Hey

Blue: Hello, my dear. What is so important that you couldn’t text me?

Green: my mom broke my phone and I’m having an attack

Janus sat straight up, his calligraphy pen clattering to the floor, effectively ruining the large swooping letters he was working on with a splattered gold streak. This was the first message the two had shared that wasn’t either Blue’s notes about homework or Green’s odd creative ideas, or cheesy conversations between the two that Janus tended not to read. It felt like intruding on someone’s life. He hadn’t learned their names yet, and while they always stuck to the same color scheme, he knew at this point he’d be able to distinguish their handwriting with no hesitation. It was his version of hearing their voices, and he’d started growing attached to them. He turned his full attention to the conversation on the back of his arm, feeling a surge of worry.

Blue: I’m on my way, be at the curb in ten minutes?

Green: thanks

Blue: Remember those breathing exercises. Try to stay calm. 

Green: please hurry

Blue: I’m driving as fast as I can, love.

The messages ended there, and Janus didn’t sleep that night.

----------------------------------------------------------

Blue: Happy birthday, Remus. I hope you have an amazing day.

Remus: Are we still good to go for tonight? 

Blue: Of course. I had Roman and Patton help plan most of the date, so I hope you enjoy it.

Remus: Logan, if it’s with you, I will~ 

Logan: You’re a sap.

Remus: And you love it

Logan: Guilty.

Never had Janus felt so alone. It was one thing to have anonymous messages scribbled on your arm, little doodles and good luck wishes, but to know their names? That brought on a whole new round of tears that he hated himself for. Remus and Logan. The names of his so-called soulmates, the labels he could finally put to the personalities. As much as he hated to admit it, waking up had become a whole lot easier since they’d started appearing on his skin. It was something little to look forward to.

It also hurt, just a little bit more. Before he was eighteen, he’d been able to imagine his situation like his parent’s, with a soulmate who would end up hating and hurting him, and it was easy to decide to never communicate when the time arrived. And even if they seemed like genuinely good people, every time he lifted a pen to respond, to announce his presence, he stopped himself, as his father’s words rang through his head.

Why would anyone want you, Janus?

You’re a mistake, and they’ll see that instantly.

Honestly, what good do you even have to offer a soulmate?

He didn’t want them to be true, but it wasn’t like anyone had ever told him differently. His mother avoided his eyes and was silent, his peers treated him like a disease, so those words were the ones he started to believe. So he capped the pen, pulled his sleeve down, and ignored the small feather light tickles as they spread across his arms. 

------------------------------------------------

Of course, it wasn’t avoidable forever. 

It was writing on skin, did he think that was something he would never do accidentally? Was he really that stupid? They were going to be so pissed when they found out how long he’d been snooping on their conversations. They’d hate him. They’d never be open to the idea that he was somehow meant to be in their lives. He was done. He was such an idiot.

These were the thoughts raging through his mind as he looked down over himself in shock, spilled amber ink shimmering on his skin. It was an accident; an opening of an ink pod combined with over enthusiastic dancing to the Chicago soundtrack, leading to a faltering concentration and skin covered in staining gold. He’d been sitting cross legged on his chair when the cartridge exploded, and he’d bounded to his bathroom to try and wash it off, but it had only been partially successful. There was no doubt in his mind that they would see it. It had covered a good majority of today’s messages on his arms, smeared across his shins from hurriedly trying to wipe it away, and speckled across his face like the world’s most unfortunate freckles. 

He dropped back into his chair, his music now turned off, and laid his head on the cool wood of his desk. The ticking on his clock was the only sound in the room and he counted each one, mentally marking the minutes as they passed by. Waiting. Five minutes of silent fear had passed before a new anxiety began to rise in him. What if they were his soulmates, but he wasn’t theirs? He’d heard of it happening, ever so rarely, that soulmarks weren’t reciprocated. If that was true for him, and he was starting to become sure it was, they wouldn’t see the ink. They never would. He would be forced to live the rest of his life on the outside, reading their life on his skin but never able to take part. Somehow that seemed a lot worse now that it wasn’t his choice.

Just as he was starting to spiral, a familiar tickle on his arm snapped him back to the present. His head jerked up, hair falling into his heterochromatic eyes as he followed the dark blue script, starting just under the largest golden spill.

Hello? 

And how should he respond to that? He couldn’t think of a fun one liner, a sassy quip, to introduce himself. For the first time in his life, lying wasn’t an option, and he hated that. He grabbed the first pen he could grab, a black ballpoint, with shaking fingers.

Hi. Well, that was lame. 

You’re our soulmate. It was less of a question, more of a statement. Janus took a deep breath, bringing the pen down again.

Yes. 

I’m sorry. What he was apologizing for, he couldn’t quite put a finger on. But it felt right. Apologizing was simply second nature to him.

Whatever for?

He didn’t know how to answer that time, so he did what he always did best, and watched. Waited again, hoping that Blue (Logan, he remembered vaguely), would just drop the subject. This was the most conversation he’d had with someone in a while. 

My name’s Remus. The other dork is Logan. 

The green ink appeared under the blue, and Janus’ heart dropped painfully in his chest. As if he didn’t already know their names. It’s not as if he could say that, though. 

You seem kinda shy. It’s cute 

Let them speak, Remus. 

Both of them went silent, offering time to allow Janus to write. But he didn’t know what to say, how to explain… 

So he didn’t. He yanked down the sleeves of his pajama top, pulling the edges over his hands to hide the now dried golden  ink, and collapsed onto his bed, dooming himself to another night of restless sleep. 

----------------------------------------

If Janus had the choice, he wouldn’t have gone to school the next day. He would have laid curled up under his blanket, struggling to tune out the sound of his parents arguing, letting the world pass him by like an old camera reel. Janus didn’t have the choice though, not when he remembered it was nearing the end of the year and exam season was drawing closer, and then the bickering downstairs became motivation. Good grades would equal an out-of-state college, which would mean getting away from thrown dishes and slamming doors. 

Even so, that didn’t mean that Janus didn’t regret the entire day of school. It seemed like a breath of fresh air when the lunch bell rang and the students shuffled out of the class in a lump, leaving just him and Mr. Sanders behind, as per usual. Just as he reached down to pull his lunch out of his bag (just a handful of cold scrambled eggs he had set aside from his already meager breakfast), the teacher spoke.

“I actually have a meeting today, Jay. You’re gonna have to find a different place to have lunch.”

“What?” Janus recoiled as he spoke, his own voice sounding foreign to him. He hadn’t meant to talk back, half expecting a lecture, and was surprised when the teacher’s expression morphed into one of sympathy.

“Sorry, bud. It’s a staff meeting, and I couldn’t find a TA to watch the room over the break. It’s only for today. Cafeteria is open though, I’m sure you can find an empty table there. Or better yet,” He smiled softly, lifting his laptop bag onto his shoulder, “Sit with someone. I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

Janus picked up his bag as well, rushing from the room without a second glance. He didn’t feel like explaining that the reason he sat alone wasn’t his choice, and he couldn’t help it. He was just tired of being pushed away, so why not make the first move himself. 

The path to the cafeteria was hardly trodden by him, and he tried to take in the pictures of past grad classes on the wall for as long as possible before his time was up. The security guard marching the halls gave him a pointed look, reminding him that he couldn’t stay in the hallways during lunch, so he hunched his shoulders and walked into the lunch room. He cursed the weather under his breath for being so damn hot today; he would melt in his hoodie and gloves to cover the ink. Luckily the splatters on his face blended in enough with the skin tone to be unnoticeable. 

The first thing he noticed is that it was loud. People shouted, trays clattered, and Janus wanted nothing more than to curl up in his hoodie. Social interaction. Gross. The second was that Mr. Sanders had been right, there was a line of empty tables at the back that people seemed to avoid in favor of grouping together in the center. The third and final thing was the overwhelming sense of loneliness that flooded Janus as soon as he walked in. Sitting alone in an empty room was one thing, choosing to sit alone in a crowded room was another. 

For a split second, the teacher’s words ran through his mind, and he wondered briefly if he should join a group, only for his anxiety to immediately shut the idea down with a shriek of are you crazy?!

He chose the closest table to the door that was untouched and sat hesitantly, appetite lost. All he had to do was get through an hour of this, he thought painfully. If he paid close enough attention, he could tune into other people’s conversations, and if he closed his eyes and drifted far enough, he might actually imagine that he was a part of them. 

“Hi!”

Janus’ eyes shot open and he shrunk back as if he’d been slapped. Standing in front of him was a guy he recognized from his math class, bouncing on his heels enough to make his blonde curls fall into his eyes. He was grinning from ear to ear, gleaming teeth matching the white collar that stood out from under his blue sweater. 

“Do you want to sit with us?”

His critical glare didn’t deter the overly joyful guy as he gestured over Janus’ shoulder, encouraging him to look. He did, albeit reluctantly. Four people were sitting at the table behind him, three caught up in a spirited conversation. The last one was staring back at him owlishly through thick square glasses, and surprisingly, Janus wasn’t unsettled by the look. 

“Come sit with us!” The happy guy said again, looking like he was refraining himself from just grabbing Janus and pulling him over. His round glasses had started edging down his nose as he hopped from foot to foot.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep! Please?” He drew out the word for several seconds. Janus couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips, nodding mutely and gathering his backpack. His anxiety started again, pelting him with ‘they’re going to hate you’s and ‘this changes nothing’s, but he pushed them down resolutely. It was just the one meal. Tomorrow would be back to normal, eating lunch by himself in Mr. Sanders’ room. And he really couldn’t say no to that hopeful face. 

“Yay! Okay,” He led Janus to the table, dropping into one of the two empty seats and pointing to the one next to him. He took a deep breath before gushing on, “Sit! Okay, okay, okay, so I’m Patton, purple-hair is Virgil but they hate the name so you can just call them V. We all call them V. That’s Logan, and the twins are Roman and Remus. Remus has the white streak, but it’s actually really easy to tell them apart once you get to know them.”

Janus’ blood froze in the middle of Patton’s gleeful rant. Those names… those were all the names that kept popping up over the five months of secret soulmate snooping. That wasn’t a coincidence, right? Most of those names weren’t exactly common.

His eyes shifted to the two Patton had introduced as Remus and Logan, sitting shoulder to shoulder across from him. Remus had halted whatever he was talking so animatedly about in favor of greeting the newcomer, but Janus couldn’t get himself to wave back. Instead he dropped his gaze to their loosely intertwined hands on the table, feeling somewhat lightheaded at the identical golden stains covering both of them. 

So... he ran. He wasn’t proud of it, and he was somewhat certain that he’d made a scene, but he couldn’t do it. His own self doubt was crippling, all his fears rushing him full forced and reminding him just how little he mattered, how messed up his life had made him, how he would only ruin any possible relationship. This was all too real now. They fit so well to the picture he had unintentionally made of them in his mind; navy blue button up tops and slicked back hair, green bomber jackets and mussed up shoulder length curls. Eyes that glinted with barely concealed mirth, a dimpled grin revealing almost razor sharp canines. Two polar opposites, so perfectly built for each other, soulmates. He would just come along and ruin it. 

Screw the sun, he thought, as he sat on the scalding hot bleachers by the football field. To his extreme annoyance, tears had started drifting down his cheeks, and he hurriedly wiped them away from sheer habit. His dad didn’t like tears almost as much as he didn’t like Janus. It wasn’t like they would know it was him, right? All they knew was a stranger had been invited to their table and had booked it before they even got his name. So he could stay a mystery, a fly on the wall, for the rest of his days.

The all too familiar feeling on his arm was more of a curse now than it ever had been. Resigned to his fate, he rolled the sleeve up to read whatever the two were no doubt talking about. 

Hi. 

He looked around frantically despite his better judgment, his eyes landing on a figure standing at the end of the bench, uncapped pen in one hand and one blue sleeve rolled up. Logan regarded him with a careful look, locked in a staring contest that neither wanted to look away from. The other broke first, turning his focus to his steps across the rickety surface as he approached Janus. He took a seat, mumbling something about how hot it was, before scribbling something else onto his arm and capping the pen. Janus tried to fight the urge to look down at his own still-bare arm, but he couldn’t resist a quick peak.

I found him. Bleachers in the north field.

“Why don’t you take off the gloves, at least. It’s almost ninety degrees out.”

Welp. Apparently this was happening. “How did you know?” He whispered, not touching his gloves.

“Remus and I both felt naturally drawn to you as soon as you walked into the cafeteria. We could not and still can not explain it. When Patton followed our gaze, he was more than eager to invite you over. Not that he needed the prompting, I am certain he would have invited you over regardless of Remus’ and my feelings the moment you sat alone,” Logan stopped briefly, taking note of the new green smiley face under his last message, “Your reaction to our names and hands in rapid succession was enough to solidify our previous suspicions. That-” He pointed to the shared messages on their skin, “-was the final proof I needed.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, Janus at a complete loss for words, until a loud clang to their right grabbed both of their attentions. Remus was clinging to the railing like a vine, having climbed all the way from the bottom, he realized with a start. The older man crawled over the top and landed solidly, rattling the seats, before bouncing over to them.

“Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!” He plopped onto the bench in front of Janus, sitting backwards to face them. Consequently, he was slightly lower than the other two, and could see Janus’ usually ducked face for the first time. “Oooh, I like your birthmark! Is it a birthmark? Or a burn? Either way, I don’t care. I like it.”

“Gee, thanks,” Janus snarked before he could stop himself, his self protective tendency rising to the surface. Remus only giggled in response, manspreading a tad more and leaning forward on his elbows. 

“I like him, Logan. He’s feisty.”

“I’m so glad I have your approval.” He was on guard now, he couldn’t help it.

“Remus, stop pestering him. He just met us.”

Remus grumbled under his breath but held his tongue. Logan could silence him, he’d have to remember that for the future. If they had a future. He couldn’t help the sliver of hope since they had actually come to find him… but maybe it was to let him down easy. No clue.

“When did you turn eighteen?” The question shouldn’t have shocked him the way it did; it was a valid thought.

“Five months ago.”

And he waited, expecting the worst at the sharp intakes of breath from both of them. Expected them to stand up and leave. Expected them to call him a creep. Expected them to… anything, really. 

Well, anything except take his hands. Which they both did.

It was like they could speak telepathically, the way they seemed to be so in sync. Maybe that was a soulmate thing. Remus reached forward and weaved their fingers together at the same time that Logan placed his hand over Janus’ left one, squeezing it gently. They were both calming gestures in their own ways, and admittedly the most contact Janus had felt in maybe years. If that wasn’t enough to bring back his tears, Logan’s next words certainly were. 

“Why didn’t you write right away?”

“That’s so much missed time we could have spent together,” Remus chipped in, eyes surprisingly soft. 

“I…” Oh, for fuck’s sake. Better let them see how messed up he is now so they can walk away before he gets attached. More attached. “My parents are soulmates and they ended up hating each other. He’s a jerk, he hurts her and me and I didn’t want that to happen to me and my soulmate. Soulmates, I guess. Then the first thing I saw was you guys talking, and I realized, there’s two of you,” He laughed humorlessly, shrugging nonchalantly, “You wouldn’t be missing out if I never made myself known, and what kind of asshole would I be if I intruded on your relationship anyways? It’s not like I can add anything worthwhile. I’m not… that great of a person. I never have been. I have too much baggage and I’m pretty boring and I only scare people away so if I were you I’d get out while I had the chance.” His cracking voice gave away how he actually felt, and he despised himself for it. In all honesty, there was nothing he wanted more than to be held and loved and wanted. He’d never had that before in his life, was it a crime to not want to be pushed aside forever?

To his utter confusion, neither of them pulled away. He’d just vented to two strangers, and they were still as attentive as before. 

“Now, we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” Remus hummed in a decent impression of John Mulaney, letting his thumb glide over Janus’. 

“So if I’m correct,” Logan stated in a tone that implied he usually was correct, “You didn’t contact us because you didn’t want to burden us, or get yourself hurt.”

“I mean… yeah.”

“I’m going to kill your dad,” Remus chirped all too brightly, “For hurting you. And for ever making you think that we would hurt you.” 

“Remus!”

“It’s true!”

Logan sighed heavily, “Remus is a little extreme, sometimes, but he is harmless. Look, I can assure you that your presumptions are entirely false. We would never harm you, and anything you’ve gone through in your past, what you call baggage, is not a deterrent to us in the slightest.”

“I have bipolar disorder, and a whole wacky past that we’ll get into another time,” Remus added, waving away Logan’s ‘shut up’ face, “And in the fifteen years I’ve known this nerd, he’s always stood by me.”

Janus knew it was supposed to feel better, but learning that the two have known each other since long before they knew they were soulmates suddenly made Janus feel that much more like he was intruding. Remus must have noticed his expression, because he quickly kept going.   

“All I mean is that we have our fair share of baggage, my multicolored friend-”

“Remus!”

“Both of us do. So you won’t be hurting us in any way, shape, or form. And we won’t hurt you either.”

Janus’ own doubts were still raging inside him, but each word they said was adding splashes of water, slowly dousing the flames, much to his dismay. Even Remus’ attempts at humor were delighting him in ways he wasn’t used to. 

“For some reason, the universe wants us together somehow. We’re meant to be in each other’s lives. Aw gross, that sounds like something Roman would-”

“Trusting us will be a slow process, and we understand that,” Logan interrupted smoothly, “You don’t need to believe our words, because we’ll prove it to you. Alright?” 

It took a second until Janus nodded, but he did. He could hardly understand it himself.

“Can you start by telling us your name?”

“Janus.” It was a near whisper, a confession of the name he’d disliked since he was old enough to get bullied by his peers.

“The two faced Roman god of decisions, doorways, and new beginnings,” Logan spouted as if on instinct.

“Janus,” Remus repeated slowly, before a huge grin stretched across his face, “I love it.”

[angelanimedesaray]

Through the Looking Glass Chapter 11:  Winter Snow

AN:  Yaaassss This is one of those chapters that has been in my head since I started writing the series.  Finallyyyyyyyy we’re here.

Also consider this the point that they’re not kids anymore.  They’ll be full blown adults next chapter.  Still teenagers here, but they won’t be in the next chapter.

Characters:  Levi, Reader, Mentions of Varioud BG Characters

Pairing:  (Eventual) Levi x Reader

Warnings:  Language, Mentions of Bullying, Depression, Bit of a Breakdown, Angst

Word Count:  12296.....Holy Shnikies, is that a new record for me with Tumblr fics? I think it is... O.o

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Gif Found HERE

*Levi’s POV*

When she had shown him the little booklet of information about college, he hadn’t at the time realized just how big of a part that was going to play in her life--not so soon, at least.

It was nothing that happened right away, and not something that he noticed as soon as it started to happen.  For a while, everything continued as it always had.  He would show up in her world and be granted a brief reprieve from his life, with her pulling him deeper and deeper into the wonders her world had to offer, showing and teaching him new things.  When she turned fifteen and was able to drive a car--he finally had a name for those damn horseless carriages--she took the time to try and teach him how to drive those death machines as well.  It was rocky at first, with her focusing on how this button and this position and this pedal did such and such, starting with simply getting the car going and moving it back and forth, teaching him about basic signs, driving on certain terrains and in certain weather…

It ended up being an entire process, and it took more than a few days where they saw each other to teach him how to safely drive a car--and even then, she only taught him to use an automatic.  Apparently there was another kind of car that operated differently, but she said he shouldn't worry about learning to drive the other one unless she ended up getting one of those different cars.

It had been much easier learning the emergency phone number in her world, the number to call if there was ever trouble and they needed help.  Three numbers and press the green phone button, it didn't get much easier than that.

Of course, he also kept learning other things.  He liked to peruse the books in her house, particularly the ones about the history of her world, or the nature and what it looked like beyond what he saw with her.  Sometimes that was what he did while he waited for her to finish her schoolwork.  Other times, he practiced what she'd been showing him on the piano.  He wasn't as good at it as she was, but he also didn't have a piano to practice on in his world--not unless he drew all the keys in the dirt and pretended he heard the sounds of the keys while he practiced the patterns and positions.

Even though he'd practice by himself while he waited for her to finish the homework beyond his understanding, he preferred when she would help him practice.  He liked having her sit so close beside him, hands over or under his to show him the keys…

She also liked to take him places.  Especially after she got that car.  If they had the time and it wasn't too late in the day, she would drive them to another town to see a new park.  Once she'd gone bowling--and they'd both sucked until he finally got the hang of it.  She taught him pool after getting grumpy over Levi getting the hang of bowling and pulling ahead of her in three or four games.  Pool she'd been fairly good at, as had Levi once he got used to using the pool stick instead of a knife--he had wicked aim and accuracy, which helped him significantly in that game.

She liked to bring him places to try foods from different cultures with her, or to walk through bookstores and help her choose new fantasy or sci-fi or supernatural stories to read.  She’d even buy him any books that caught his eye so that he could read them when he visited, though he usually checked with her that they were non-fiction, first, so he could still learn something about the world she came from in the process.

While all this autonomy started to appear, and they were able to do and see more things, she was also...changing.

She was always so eager to get out of the house when she saw him, looking relieved and happy for an excuse.  When she thought he wasn't looking, she seemed tired.  There were circles under her eyes, a slight slump to her shoulders, and the few times Levi drove the car instead of her, if he glanced over at her he could catch her with her eyes closed, like she was trying to rest a little in the brief silence between them.  A few times, she'd fallen asleep on him, though Levi never said anything about it, even when she woke up embarrassed.  The most she would get would be a soft 'Tch' before he went back to whatever he'd been doing to entertain himself while she rested.  Considering how eagerly she always threw herself into their time together, she had to be exhausted if she was falling asleep during it.

And he didn't mind it at all when she fell asleep on him.  For those few minutes, it felt like he got to be the one to take care of her for once, something he didn't get to do nearly as much as he would like to.  She took care of him so much and in so many ways, he doubted he'd ever be able to catch up and return the favor to its fullest extent.  Plus, he soon found out why she always seemed so exhausted.  It turned out she was stressed and spread thin.

It was something he had to piece together slowly from things she said or papers he found.  She was always so focused on making the most out of his visits, that she never said a word about how tired she was, or the things that were stressing her out.  She wanted him to take his mind off his life, to not worry, so she tried not to mention anything that would make him worry about her.

But he paid attention when she talked to him.  She was going to school five days of the week, yes, but she was also working two jobs, as well as some babysitting on the side when the opportunity presented itself.  Her mother had apparently remarried, and was expecting another child soon, so she was trying to help more around the house with things her mother couldn't do due to her pregnancy.  She was putting in all the work required to stay at the top of her class, namely the very top, which would be called a valedictorian.  She was also keeping up with her interests, helping her mother with an out of home bakery business, keeping up with her piano practice, and she did something called skating that she felt gave her some exercise but also relaxed her.  She was also in one or two school activities that took her time, and once they reached a certain age, college came back into play, and she started applying to be let in and to be awarded money to go while keeping up with everything else.  He didn't know how she managed to find the energy to drag him all over creation and keep him discovering new things.

Every now and then she let slip that she wanted to leave the town she felt trapped in, and the people in it, and he could see the desperation in her eyes to do just that.  The stressors he could understand her wanting to leave, but the people...it took a few more hints for him to figure that part out.

Less of a hint.  He had to get her at the right moment, when she finally opened up to him about the part that worried her the most.

He'd appeared in one of his favorite ways--quietly, when he'd simply been walking down the street--and had suddenly been the private audience to the soft piano music being played in the darkened living room.

The happiness he felt to be here again, and to be hearing her music as well, was muffled when he noted the overall tone in the room.

The music was sad, melancholy, depressing, and there wasn't any light in the room to illuminate her or the piano, the curtains on the windows pulled closed, the lights kept off. He approached from behind quietly, a small frown on his face as he came up to inquire what was wrong.

Along the way, his foot crunched a paper, the sound unheard by Y/N because she was focused on the piano and what she was playing, not the rest of the room.  He picked it up to look at it closer, realizing it was part of a stack of papers that looked like those applications she'd been filling out so many of recently.

It wasn't one of the applications, but rather a note--a letter--attached to the top and addressed to her parents.  It was from one of her teachers, and it went on to talk about how the school she wanted to go to had a very low acceptance rate, was very far away and wouldn't have certain financial aid available for her, and how it was a very expensive school.  How she 'shouldn't plan on going to the one school alone, because it was unlikely for her to get in, and even less likely for her to pay for it' and needed to apply for more scholarships and to other schools, yet she refused to apply to more than two schools, and refused to apply for some of the scholarships.

Probably not the only thing bothering her that had her playing in the dark, but it was a good hint.

After putting the paper back into the stack, he stepped a little closer, finally making his presence known by commenting on the mood in the air she'd created.

"So doom and gloom--I'm supposed to be the depressing one," Levi quipped in a flat tone and she whipped around in surprise, banging her knee on the piano in the process and turning back around to clutch at her knee and hiss.

The pain, however, was an excuse to try and hide what he'd already seen.  Tears, freshly falling down her cheeks, and not from hitting her knees.

Levi’s usual closed off demeanor shifted, and he quickly came over to sit beside her on the bench.  She turned her head away from him to hide the tears as she tried to--unsuccessfully--wipe them away without him noticing.

The problem was that as soon as he was sitting beside her, he realized he didn't know what to say--either to get her to talk about it or to comfort her.  He simply sat there awkwardly in silence with her facing off to the side and him facing the piano, both of them unable to talk for some reason.

Hesitantly, unsure if it was the right move but knowing at least it would be something, Levi let his fingers find their way to the right place on the piano, and started to play one of the newer and more difficult pieces she’d taught him recently.  It was melancholy--most of the ones she taught him had a bittersweet edge to it, or at least a part of the song that felt that way--but it felt fitting for the moment, and he thought perhaps the song would prompt her to do something in return.  Maybe she’d play with him.  Maybe she’d start to talk.  That was up to her.

Levi quietly played out the song, focused on hitting the right chords, making sure his arm brushed against hers every now and then in the process when he reached for keys closer to where she was sitting as a way of having some contact with her.  She was silent at first, just listening to him play the song before, about halfway through, she finally reached out with one of her hands to play half the song.  Levi felt a little relief to be getting a response from her, and he let his hand slide over hers as she played half the song for him, feeling her fingers moving below his, able to feel the slight shake in them even though she seemed to be playing the notes steadily.

They continued like that for a while, before Levi started to worry that she might try to use the piano as a distraction rather than an opening to start talking.  As they neared the end of the song, he finally spoke up, cutting right to the heart of the matter.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, fingers still moving over the keys.  She shook her head, keeping her face turned away from him so he couldn’t see her expression.

“It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“It really is.  It’s stupid, and it doesn’t matter in the long run, anyway.”

“If that was true, you wouldn’t have been crying.”

She sighed, hitting one of the notes with more force than necessary and letting her hand drop away from the piano just short of the end of the song.  Levi stopped playing as well, sitting quietly on the bench and gazing patiently at her back as he waited for her to start speaking.

“It’s just...everything going on, you know?  I mean, I took it all on myself, I really shouldn’t complain, and I wouldn’t, but it gets so much...harder when...Gah...I hate people…”

Her voice shook, and she sniffled rather loudly, rubbing her left eye with her palm.  Suddenly, Levi realized that besides the one time he’d helped her find her home when she’d run away...he didn’t think he’d seen her cry so openly around him.  He reached out to gently touch her shoulder, and a shudder seemed to go through her at the contact, and she turned on the piano bench so that she could face him, burying her face in his chest as a small, hiccupped sob escaping her as she curled up against him.  He was taken aback for a moment, but after feeling his heart ache and feeling how she was clutching at the fabric of his shirt, he gently draped an arm around her shoulders, letting his other hand gently touch her shoulder in a loose hug.

“Are people picking on you again?” Levi asked, digging for information to try and figure out what was wrong so he could figure out how to properly help her.  She gave a bitter laugh at his question, a sound that seemed strange coming from her.

“I think I’d prefer getting beaten up like back then to this bullshit,” she said bitterly, and Levi’s eyebrows raised.  He was pretty sure that was the first time he’d heard her swear, too.  “No, I...I’ve always kinda been an outcast, at school...which I guess I got used to it...somewhat...but it’s gotten really hard this year.  I’ve been working my ass of, and...and it just gets that much harder when you’re constantly hearing people call you lazy, and then you come home to hear the exact same thing as if you’re not spending every hour trying so hard...and then every time you accomplish something, everyone’s back there talking about how it's not going to matter anyway.”

She adopted a voice clearly meant to mimic everyone else, a bitter and cutting edge to her tone even with how her voice was muffled in his chest.  “Like you’re actually going to get accepted by any colleges or scholarships, you never get anything in on time, you’re always being told to get things in or they’ll be late, always turning it in last minute, you’re so lazy you never get anything done or doing what you’re supposed to be doing, like you’ll have enough scholarships or meet the deadlines for the places you want to go.  Oh, you got accepted by that college?  Well it’s not like you’ll ever be able to actually pay for it.  Oh, well if you do go to this college you want, you’ll just crash and burn anyway--you’re so straight laced I bet you’re that kid that goes crazy with freedom in college and drops out.  You’ve never had a boyfriend or had that many friends, you’re totally going to be that crazy cat lady with forty cats and no friends.  You can’t afford to go out for an hour, you have to stay home and get all these applications done, plus your homework, and don’t forget stuff for bible study every morning, and your practices, and yearbook, and everything else under the damn sun you’re not allowed to mess up in cause you have to be the perfect child that’s the first to go to college, you have to get the perfect cushy, high paying job, perfect grades, perfect activities, don’t get snippy with me if you’re feeling stressed it’s all your fault because you’re being lazy and not doing the work like you’re supposed to, you keep screwing around.  You’re tired?  Same thing applies--you don’t know tired, you’re just lazy and you can’t manage your time.  If you’re feeling so stretched thin, then you should just drop something.  But not this, or that, I don’t care if you don’t think this helps, don’t drop it either.  Oh, you’re not actually allowed to drop anything, just make it all work.”

Her grip tightened on him as she spoke, and he wasn’t sure if the trembling in her body was from sobs or rage with how bitter her voice seemed to sound despite the wobble from tears or the occasional hiccup of a sob.  He didn’t interrupt with any of his thoughts, he simply let her rant and rave to him, let her vent, because clearly she needed to.

“I know it shouldn’t matter.  I shouldn’t care about what they have to say.  It's the same people who make sure anything I like is uncool schoolwide as soon as they know I like it, who thought it would be so...fucking funny to make me go to homecoming with the kid who treated me like a disease and wouldn’t even touch my arm the whole time, the same kid who told me to go kill myself in class and people just fucking laughed and the teacher didn’t even blink even though she was sitting right there.  I shouldn’t give a damn about what they have to say, but after so long of hearing it, no matter how thick of a skin I think I’ve built up it still...it still gets to me, and I’m just...I’m just so tired…”

She sagged against him, like some of the fight left her after she finished speaking, curling up in his arms like a baby rabbit seeking shelter, like there was a fox right outside the burrow waiting to devour it and it knew it couldn’t run from it.  Levi had stiffened at the mention of the kid who’d told her to kill herself, his expression darkening as he got a better perspective of what her life was like at school, something he now realized he’d never heard about the social side of, only ever her schoolwork and the subjects she studied.  Never the people.

Now he knew why.  He just wished she would have said something sooner.  Did she really think that just because she wasn’t getting beat up that it wasn’t still a real problem?  If it was getting this bad…

She stayed slumped in his arms for several long moments, Levi gently rubbing her back to try and soothe her as he waited for her to regain her composure, feeling like she still had more to say and not wanting to interrupt her while he quietly absorbed information.  Then, abruptly, she sucked in a long breath and pulled away, arm rubbing angrily at her eyes with a fierce frown on her face.

“It’s still nothing, though,” she said as she got to her feet to start an aggravated pace, and Levi was just about to argue that yes, it was, after that long rant that had driven her to cursing and tears, but she was still talking, and she had a determined venom in her voice as she spoke.  “It’s nothing, because I’m not going to let it turn into something.  I don’t care if its spite driving me right now, but I swear I’m going to prove every last one of them wrong and--and--and break out of the fucking cage everyone keeps trying to put me in.  Even my mom.  I love her, but she’s just as bad, always demanding I be so fucking perfect and do what she wants instead of what I want.  But even she’s trying to pin me down, she keeps pushing for me to go to these colleges nearby, or to stay in the area, or to settle for something else even though what I want to do...yeah, its difficult, it's a high bar, and it’s going to take me really far away, but it’s my life, it’s my choice.  And I’m going to prove every last fucking one of them wrong and get the hell out of here and make something of myself.”

She finished with a huff, having worked herself up in her rant, turning to look at him with slightly flushed cheeks, looking expectantly at him for some kind of reply now that she was finished and he’d been silent for so long.  It wasn’t like he had the words to say, though--he wasn’t good at words, and she’d just dumped a lot of information on him.

“All those bad words.  I think I’m a shitty influence on you.”

She was taken aback for a moment, staring at him for a second before she snorted in surprise, the tension slowly draining from her shoulders and the faintest smile coming across her face.  She approached the bench once more, sitting beside him with the blush coloring her cheeks and her hands locked tightly together.

“You’re the only real friend I’ve had, no matter where I’ve gone.  You’ve always been here for me.  I don’t think I tell you enough that I’m really thankful to have you.  I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t.”

Her words were softly spoken, and she stayed close to him the entire time, even if her embarrassment didn’t allow her to look him in the eyes.  And to hear her say it aloud to him...it settled doubts he might have had that he wouldn’t have voiced otherwise, helped put some of the restlessness inside him at ease.

Levi looked at the piano in front of him, grasping the handles for the key lid and lowering it over the piano keys.  “You’ll make it,” he said with affirmed certainty.  “You’re tougher than you think.  You’ve made it this far, haven’t you?  What’s a little further?”

He looked over at her to catch her smiling warmly at him, a twinkle in her eyes, and he felt his heart soften in the face of that expression.  Once the key lid was in place, he gently touched her shoulder to give her a playful shove like she tended to do for him.

“You need a break.  I’m here.  What should we do?”

She heaved a sigh, looking away for a moment and chewing on her lip as she considered what was possibly an endless list of possibilities.  “It’s gonna start getting colder soon...so it should be something we won’t be able to do once winter settles in...I think it’ll be clear skies tonight…”  She turned to face him, that sparkle in her eyes again and a smile on her face.  “I know what we’re going to do.  Come on, we’ve got a bit of a drive to make first,” she said excitedly, getting up off the bench and heading to the front door, where she picked up what Levi knew to be her car keys.

Levi got up to follow her, wondering to himself where they were going now, and how far of a drive it would be.  What in-town activity would they be carrying out today?

They got into her car, Levi looking up to see the night sky as he opened the passenger side door and got inside, Y/N already starting up the car before he even shut the door and driving the car out of town and into open country.  They drove in silence for several minutes, Levi sneaking peaks at Y/N the entire time, mulling over the stress she was under and her confession in the other room.

He would have beat the shit out of a few people by now if he was there, but he never showed up when she was in school, always after.  He was never around when she needed him around, which meant that it was something she had to deal with on her own.

It was like he’d said, though.  She was stronger than she thought.  He’d seen the determination and the fire in her eyes before.  She would make it through.  And she would reach her goals.  Even if she had to get herself through on spite right now.

He still wanted to get his hands on that one individual in particular…but she hadn’t even given him a name.

Y/N suddenly took a turn onto a dirt road that went so far into a wheat field, turning off her lights--which immediately caught Levi’s attention--before she brought the car to a stop and shut all the lights off, reaching into the back to grab a blanket before she opened the door.

“We’re actually not supposed to be here--it’s private property--but we should be fine so long as we’re gone before dawn,” she said with a spark of rebellion in her eyes.

Good.  It sounded like she needed to break some rules and get outside some of the restrictions around her for a while.

Getting out of the car, Levi spoke up in a low voice, looking around at the field around him and noting that the hay didn’t reach high enough to cover the car.  There was a corn field behind them that would have been high enough to cover the car, but for some reason they’d parked here.  “What are we doing out here?”

Y/N got on the hood of her car carefully, scooting back until she could lean back to lie on the windshield with her legs stretched out in front of her.  She gestured for him to come up onto the hood instead of responding, waiting until he’d crawled up with a sigh before she threw the blanket over both of them.

As soon as he leaned back, he understood why they were here.  Leaning back on the hood of her car, he had a clear, unobstructed view of the night sky.  Where the corn would have reached high enough it could have obstructed the view somewhat, the wheat was low enough it didn’t creep into his line of sight for the sky.  It was just pure...open sky.  And out here, where there were no lights from town, just nature, the stars shone brilliantly in stunning detail, the only light that could have ‘affected’ the view being the moonlight itself.  But it was still a dazzling display above him, and all around there was the soft rustle of wind through the wheat fields, crickets, the occasional howl from coyotes in the distance--just nature, fresh air, the sky laid out endlessly in front of them…

Y/N shifted onto her side, curling up next to him with a comfortable sigh.  “I know you live underground so...I figured it’s about time we went stargazing.  I’m surprised we haven’t yet.”

Levi turned his head enough to look at her, noting that she was looking at him far more than the stars, probably gauging his reaction.  For her, this was something she saw quite frequently, so maybe his reaction to it was more interesting to her.  Still, knowing she’d chosen this because she knew about where he lived, how it wasn’t an everyday sight for him, how this was a sight that was denied to him…

Much like earlier, he put his arm around her instead of choosing to respond with words, pulling her a little closer to him as a way to show her his gratitude, that this did, in fact, mean something to him, and he appreciated her gesture.  She seemed to understand, that blush returning to her cheeks as she buried her face in his chest and pulled the blanket tighter around them as if that could hide her reaction and make it seem like she was just getting warm.

Knowing she drove them out here so they could see the stars, that her idea of an escape was to show him something that he rarely got to have and to sit in silence with him for however long they wanted to…

He cared about her.  Deeply.  That had never been in question.  From the moment she’d built that safe place for him--an image called to mind as he looked up at the stars unobstructed much like he had once looked up at them from the nest she’d created for him through the window of the tiny wooden playhouse--he had a soft spot in his heart for her.  And over the years, she just burrowed deeper and deeper, that flickering flame growing stronger, the warmth getting more intense.  She made him happy--made him feel like he belonged, even if he flickered in and out of the world.  Even though he didn’t get to stay, he was still so grateful to have a chance to be part of her life, to know her, to spend time with her.  She was a safe place for him, a place where he didn’t have to keep his guard up, where he could relax and just...be.  All these things he felt for her, and one thing that had held him back recently had been a concern that she might not feel the same way.

Now, lying side by side and looking up at the stars, knowing she’d done it for him and that this moment between them was what she considered an escape from her problems, that he might be as much of her escape as she was his...it gave him the sense that maybe, just maybe, she might care for him, too.

He didn’t say anything, though, not yet.  Right now, he just wanted to enjoy this as long as it lasted, with her in his arms lying next to him--eventually falling asleep, which he didn’t disrupt considering he now knew how much she needed it--gazing up at the stars in relative silence.

Sometime after she fell asleep, Levi looked down at her, the arm that had been wrapped around her all this time moving just slightly so his hand could reach into her hair, giving it a few soft, gentle strokes.

“Stay with me...I don’t want this to end…” he murmured softly for only him to hear, the stars and moon his only witness as he breathed her in for a moment before lying back down to gaze up at the sky, for once grateful to his insomnia to allow him to stay awake and simply bask in the simplistic beauty of the moment.

*Reader’s POV*

At long last, Levi finally blipped into your world during winter, when there was snow on the ground.  You had been waiting years to be able to show him snow for the first time, to get to see his first experience with snow, share it with him…

As soon as you saw him appear in your room, you immediately dropped the pen you were using to write neatly on your scholarship applications and leapt to your feet, grinning widely at him and not even giving him a chance to orient himself in your world before you had your arm hooked around his and you were leading him down the stairs to the front door, where you started throwing winter clothes at him.

"Oh my God you're actually here, your timing is perfect cause right now--well, just put it all on, I don't want to spoil the surprise!" You squealed excitedly, yanking on a hat, gloves, a coat, simply draping the scarf loosely over your neck without wrapping it.  You tried to jump in and help Levi get dressed as well so he would move faster, but that only made him grumpy.

"I've got it--I can dress myself, I don't need you to do it for me," he grumbled, shrugging on the flannel coat you'd grabbed for him.  It was actually one of your stepfather's many coats, and it utterly dwarfed Levi...considering your stepfather was in the six foot range in height, and Levi…

Well, at least he would be well covered and warm.

Once Levi was well bundled and looking at you with a mixture of impatience and expectancy, you happily flung open the door, about to bound outside before you reminded yourself it was slick outside and you needed to watch your step.  You checked yourself, stepping around the icy spots outside your door and hanging back to shut the door so Levi could just focus on the experience.

It was snowing outside.  Not only that, but it had been snowing for the past few days, and there was a white blanket over the world at least a foot deep, with icicles hanging from the roof edge and ice patches hidden under the snow making the pathways treacherous.

Levi paused on the porch once he could see what the outside world looked like, with you sliding discreetly behind him to shut the door before too much heat got out of the house, quietly creeping around to his other side to watch him as he walked with slightly widened eyes to the edge of the covered porch, looking at the icicles and reaching out to touch one gingerly, head peeking out from the cover of the porch to look up at the white flurries falling from the sky.  His breath fogged in front of him, making him pull back for a second before he looked over at you, watching him excitedly on the porch.

"Snow," he said simply, and you nodded at him exuberantly.  You reached out to take his hand, stepping out into the snow and noting how high up to his legs he sank into the snow as he followed behind.  You didn't keep a hold of his hand, only grasping it long enough to get him to follow before letting go and allowing him to comfortably walk beside you.

"There's so many things to do and see--its cold, and I honestly hate the cold, but staying warm shouldn't be too much of a problem," you said with a glint in your eyes.  You knew the perfect place for sledding, knew somewhere the snow was particularly thick that would serve well for snowmen and snow forts and snowball fights.  Maybe it was little kid stuff, but Levi needed the chance to cut loose and be a kid, especially since he never had the snow experience when he was actually a little kid.  You might have to spend a bit of money, but you were fine with that, too, your purse slung firmly over your shoulders.  You could get a good sled at a nearby store, you could afford some coffee to warm back up and restore some energy after some time outside, and, you had some money for your thoughts on a grand finale for the night.

You'd been scheming this day ever since realizing Levi hadn't seen snow yet, and you were praying he was going to be able to stay for all of it.

"Watch your step--there's ice hidden under the snow on the sidewalks because it's been so cold, so just...be mindful," you warned him, walking with arms out at your side and methodically placed footsteps for a few moments.  "I always hate walking in fresh snow--everything looks so clean and pure and pretty that I feel like I'm ruining a beautiful snapshot of nature.  Though, we kinda have to walk in it to get where we're going," you said with a guilty note in your voice.

"Couldn't we just take your car?" Levi asked, and you noticed his gaze was now roving over the unblemished patches of snow around you, how it really did seem like a thick and pure blanket fallen over the world.

"Well, this is the more fun, scenic route.  Plus it's kinda dangerous to drive in weather like this before they've cleared the roads, especially with the ice underneath.

You could see that his cheeks and his nose were already starting to turn red, and that he'd mimicked how you had your scarf on.  Not wanting him to catch a cold--especially because you knew proper medicine was more of a luxury where he lived--you reached over and wrapped the scarf around his face, causing him to pause and give you a blank stare.  You coughed, hoping your blush could be passed off as a result of the cold like him.

"Besides, I want to show you this place in the forest.  One of my favorite things about when it's cold and snowy like this is what it sometimes does to the plants," you said as if you hadn't just wrapped the scarf around his face, continuing forwards and trudging through the snow in the direction of the nearby park that had the forest trail.

"Why do I feel like you've got this whole thing planned out?"

"Because I do.  I've been waiting for you to show up on a snow day for what feels like forever.  I can think of six things I want to try and fit into this one day--six!" You shrugged, as if it was still the most casual thing in the world, attempting to adopt his usual indifferent attitude to tease him a bit.  "Course, three things we can do at the park alone, so, no big deal," you said with a sniff, flashing him a mischievous smile a heartbeat later.

"And those things are…?"

"Well, we're gonna look at something.  Then we're gonna build something.  And then we're gonna do something."

Levi snorted.  "So informative."

"What? I was more specific:  looking, building, doing," you said with a pout before you pointed up at the park just ahead of you.  "Besides, we're practically here."

The park itself wasn't the pristine picture the rest of the snowy fields seemed to be--there were remnants of snow sculptures and forts, a few shakily made snowmen, footprints all over the place and snow splattered along the side of equipment.  The two of you trudged past that, though, and into the forest that was far less disturbed.  No one wanted to be hiking in this weather, except you two crazy teenagers, apparently.

Levi’s fingers brushed against a bush, and looking back you could see that some of the branches and leaves were encapsulated in ice.

"Almost, but I'm looking for something specific," you said cryptically.  There was this one tree at a fork in the forest path that you knew would look gorgeous trapped in ice like that, so you were keeping hush hush about it, leading the two of you deeper into the woods like you were the villain in a child's fairytale.

The crunch of snow and the blowing of the wind was the only sound, the icy air cutting at your lungs and making your breathing a little heavier than normal as you trudged uphill, frustrated to hear that Levi didn't seem to be struggling behind you.  You didn't understand how, but he appeared to be unbothered by the physical strain, at least for now.

After several minutes of hiking where Levi admired the wintery scenery around the two of you and you navigating, you finally came to your tree.

It was a weeping willow, placed by human hands at the fork in the path for aesthetic scenery purposes.  But right now, with the ice covering every branch and leaf in perfect, unclouded clarity like it had been entrapped in glass, branches swaying just slightly in the breeze…

It looked gorgeous.

"My favorite thing about winter isn't all the activities--its how the ice freezes over the trees.  I think it's beautiful," you said pensively, your hand cupping beneath some of the willow strands and letting the iced over, draped branches slip through your fingers.  "It's like they're frozen in time…"

Levi stood a few feet back, hands in his pockets, breath puffing steadily in front of him as he looked up at the magnificent tree that was 'frozen in time,' his gaze returning to you in time to see you disappearing behind a thick curtain of the iced over branches and leaves.  While he couldn't see you, you crouched down and tried to make a snowball as fast as you could, catching a glimpse of him moving to join you under the tree, which caused you to giggle and take a step or two back, your hastily made snowball hidden behind your back.

As soon as he stepped into the shelter of the tree, you practically slapped the snowball into his neck with the close range you were at, acting before you could doubt yourself, shrieking maniacally as your dipped your hand into the snow for another one, heart pounding at what you'd just initiated.

"What the f--"

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!" you shrieked, tossing another one at him that splattered harmlessly against his side.  You attempted to flee, trying to scoop up more snow as you darted out from under the willow, whipping around to see Levi already had one in his hand.  You flung instinctively, the shot sailing harmlessly over his shoulder and causing you to shriek again as he tossed his at you in retaliation, the snowball hitting squarely in the center of your chest.

"You brat!"

"I got you, admit it!  Take tha--shit!"

"Like this is a fight you can win!"

"I missed again?  Wait, fuck, no, stop, I'm a terrible shot--ack!"

"You asked for it!"

"I've made a terrible mistake, have mercy--EEK!"

"HAH!"

"I surrender, uncle, uncle, I give, stop!"

The snowball fight had quickly turned into a snowball execution, Levi pelting you with snowballs with that ridiculous speed and wicked aim of his while your shots kept going wide and missing him while you tried in vain to run from him, ending with you laughing and shrieking, hunched over and taking a few more snowballs before Levi finally stopped.  You peeked your head up warily...and he crushed one last snowball atop your head, making you do a cold shiver dance as snow slipped down inside your shirt.

"There...I think that's a lesson learned," Levi was saying smugly, watching you do the cold dance with a smirk on his face.  He looked flushed though--you doubted from exertion, most likely from the cold.

"How about we do something less competitive--like make a snowman?  At least one?  And then we can go sledding.  We can take a break after that, I know a coffee shot that should still be open."

"As long as you don't make any more sad excuses at that snowball assault," Levi teased you, and you pouted, which only made him chuckle.

He was smiling and laughing, though.  And seeing snow for the first time.  This day was already a win for you. Now you just needed to try and get to the end of your list of what you wanted to try with him before he went back.  Who knew if the snow would still be here when he came back again?

The snowman building and the sledding didn't last as long as you might have thought they would.  The snowman you two made by the willow tree was more of a monument to the fact the two of you had been there, complete with you wrapping your scarf around the snowman's 'neck' as a finishing touch, since it wasn't doing much in the way of warming you up draped loosely around your neck like that.

The sledding had been fun at first, trying desperately to guide the inflatable inner tube you'd bought at the nearest store down a steep hill before trudging all the way back up got tiring fast for you.  The final straw, though, had come when you made a ramp from the snow, managed to hit it on your way down, and then promptly fell off the inner tube midair, causing you and Levi to go flying in different directions through the air with no��soft landings.  You were dazed after that, and Levi declared it the end of the sledding part of the day, demanding you move on to the next thing.  Besides, it was getting dark, so you were running out of time to do what you wanted to.

Little did he know…

After your annihilation with the sled, you'd guided Levi towards a coffee shop while nursing an ache in your head and shoulders where you'd slammed your body against the ground, still a little dazed.  You were both flushed from the cold and tired at this point, so the burst of warm air was extremely refreshing.

Levi looked around the little shop with a critical eye while you stomped snow off at the entrance mat, rubbing your hands together for added warmth.  "You haven't had coffee before, have you?"

"Never heard of it."

You gasped dramatically.  "You don't have coffee where you're from?  Oh the humanity!"  He rolled his eyes at your antics, and you walked forward towards the counter.  "Well, it's a hot drink, kind of like hot chocolate or tea...but also much different.  Its good for waking up or staying warm, and it can be made in all sorts of different ways.  In fact, what kind of stuff do you usually drink?  Besides water?"

Levi shrugged.  "Tea."

"Any kind of tea in particular?  Herbal, black, white, green, fruit?  Do you add lemon, or sugar, or milk, or anything like that?"

Levi looked away, like something you'd said bothered him, though you couldn't pinpoint what.  "Plain.  I drink my tea plain.  I do prefer black tea, when I can get it."

"Okay, black tea...strong, bold, dark, maybe with a bit of a nutty taste or malty...I know espresso is a different beast, but you might want something with more espresso...maybe a nut flavoring to help balance out the bitter without getting too sweet...You're not big on sweet things, right?"

Levi shook his head.  "I don't get many sweet things where I live."

You nodded, chewing your lip.  "Okay, so...toffee nut might be too sweet, so...either a hazelnut latte with an extra shot of espresso, or a hazelnut americano."

"What's the difference?"

"One is made with milk, the other with hot water.  I mean, maybe if you were more used to coffee I'd say go with the americano, cause there's not many other flavors to block out the overpowering taste of the espresso, but the latte I feel like has more that balances it all out."

"I didn't realize picking a damn drink was such a project."

"Like you don't fuss over your tea with the leaves and water temperature and extra flavorings."

"...Tch."

"But also the americano might be closer to tea--"

"Just get me the damn latte and be done with it," he groaned, cutting you off before you could spiral further in these circles.

"Fine, fine, go find a table for us and I'll get the coffees," you said in a semi defensive voice that had the hint of a laugh at the end with how exasperated he sounded.  He wandered off towards the back to a two person table by the window, taking the seat with his back against the wall so he could see the whole room and you as you went to the counter, ordering his hazelnut latte and your own coffee, as well as two fresh rolls.  You waited patiently for your order, which didn't take too long because there weren't many people out and about right now in this weather--plus, this was officially dark enough the streetlights were turning on.

Taking the seat across from him, you placed the latte in front of him and reached into the little bag you brought with you, breaking apart the two rolls and holding one out to him.  “Here--I figured something to actually eat would be good, too,” you said cheerfully.

For some reason, Levi hesitated for a brief second, fingers hovering over the roll before starting to retract, eyes a little unfocused before he took the roll from you.  Strange, why that was a thing, but you brushed it off in favor of drinking from your cup of chosen coffee, cupping both hands around the cup to help you warm up.

“We can warm up in here for a while before heading back outside.  It’s only going to get colder as night settles in.”

“This is one of those six things you wanted to do, right?  Get coffee?” Levi asked, hands on the cup he had yet to drink from, allowing it to warm up his bare fingers.  Actually, looking at the window you could see some spots on the window where condensation had been wiped away on the inside, along the edge of the frost that was creeping along the outside of the window.  Had he been tracing the ice while he waited for you?

“It is, yeah.”

“It’s going to be dark, then, by the time we get to the sixth thing.  Was that intentional?”

You nodded.  “There’ll be far less people there if we go later when it’s dark out.  Plus, I think it’ll be prettier.”

“Are you going to tell me what the last thing is?”

“Nope.  You’ll have to wait and see.”

Levi scowled, finally taking a sip from the coffee you’d chosen for him.  He made a face at the first taste, and for a moment, you were worried he wasn’t going to like it and would set it right back down.  He took another sip, though, and he wasn’t neglecting the cup.  He didn’t seem to think it was the best thing in the world, but at least he was drinking it.

He was probably going to stick to tea, though, based on that expression.

“Well, what do you think so far?” you asked him after the two of you sat in silence for several minutes, nursing your coffees and letting yourselves warm up while you nibbled on your respective bread rolls.

“About the snow?”  When you didn’t correct him, he looked back outside the window.  It was still snowing, but much lighter than it had been before--like light flurries, or something out of a Christmas movie.  The snowflakes that hit the window evaporated almost instantly, revealing it had turned into the kind of snow that didn’t stick.  “It’s nice.”

You gave a pleased smile and took another sip from your cup, glad that so far your little endeavor to make snow and winter a positive experience for him had worked, despite the little hiccups along the way like falling off the sled and coffee apparently not being his thing.  At least he’d been willing to give it a try, though.

For the most part, the two of you sat in companionable silence, Levi asking the occasional question about the piano and what you were learning or pieces he was learning, and even giving you a tentative question about how the whole college thing was panning out.  It was still stressful, and as you’d said before, your...situation, or rather the people around you, were only making it so much harder for you and really getting under your skin about it all.  But Levi’s words from last time were something you were clinging to in order to help you push through these last few months before you would graduate high school and you could finally get out of here.

Just another one of the many reasons you were glad to have him in your life.  You wished he could stay with you, that you could keep him here.  His life in his world didn’t sound pleasant at all, and you knew he’d already been through some dark things.  Maybe if he was here, he could have a better life, things would be easier for him.

And...and maybe he’d choose to spend it with you.

You were blushing at the thought, and you panicked slightly when you remembered you weren’t outside, you were warm inside, and there was no biting cold to blame on the flush in your cheeks.  Finishing the cup of coffee with a rather painful swallow, you started gathering up your things, glancing out the window to see the sun had fully set and darkness had taken over the sky.

“We should probably get going.  Yeah, night might be the better time to go, but if we wait too long you might blip back, or they might close, so…” you said quickly, getting to your feet and tucking hair into your hat as a way to hide the fact that you were rubbing your cheeks in a weird hope that it would make the flush go away, or maybe give you an excuse.  Levi was still giving you an odd look, though, his eyebrows raised, but he got up without commenting on the blush.

Aw jeez, what if he saw, though?  He was so damn observant.  And what if he already knew?  What if he already knew that you’d been sneaking glances of him the past year or so that he’d come to visit you?  What if he knew you were starting to look for excuses to reach out and touch him, even for a moment?  What if he knew that part of the reason you buried your face in his chest whenever you two hugged or were curled close together--whether it was on the hood of a car or on the couch watching a show--was to hide the furious burn in your cheeks, and to let you simply breathe him in for a few moments?  What if he knew that the times that he tended to blip through into your world was when you wanted nothing more than to be around him, when you desperately wanted a friend and needed someone there to be a steady presence to help you get back on your feet, or provide a comfort that didn’t feel invasive or demanding on how you should bounce back or how you should be feeling.  What if he knew your heart had started skipping a beat when he looked at you like that with those sharp steel blue eyes, his hair falling in his face…

Ah, snap out of it, stop stop stop!  You’re friends!  Who knows if he even thinks of you that way, just...uhg, this isn’t about you, this is about him, this is his first snow, just...just focus on that right now, you can puzzle over your feelings after he’s left alone in bed throwing out your frustrated complaints about how you don’t know how to talk to people you like into your pillow like you usually do.  Later.  After this.  Focus, the night’s almost over, and he probably won’t be here much longer today, anyway.

Having given yourself a mental berating over the direction of your thoughts, you focused back on the present with a quick huff, straightening up and leading the charge back out into the cold snow, Levi walking leisurely at your side as usual.  It was a longer walk than any you’d done so far, and you were taking him in a direction that you hadn’t taken him before.  He wasn’t around a lot in the winter time, obviously, so he didn’t get to see this little hobby of yours.  Well, maybe not even a hobby, more like a winter pastime.  You were far from a professional or enthusiast.  It was just something you liked to do on occasion when it was cold, and you were hoping that it was something that he would find enjoyable as well.

It was a simple setup, one that matched the smaller town you were in, with a regular clear plastic half-wall lining the edge, plain Christmas lights crisscrossing over the walled off area several feet into the air and anchored to the poles along the outside, or to the small booth that served as the entrance fee area and the place to get rental skates, if there were enough.  Benches lined the outside of the wall, places for spectators to watch or people to put on their ice skates, and the small outdoor ice rink itself was well lit, the ice appearing to glitter between the starlight, Christmas lights, and the lightly falling snow.

There were a few people, but since it was getting dark and the weather was getting colder--it was already below freezing--most people had left or were in the process of leaving as you went to the booth, paying the entrance fee for two teenagers and getting your shoe size, then having an awkward few moments where you got to try and figure out what shoe size Levi was before you finally managed to get a pair that looked like it would fit him, passing his ice skates to him even though you still hadn’t given him an explanation about what you were doing.

You sat down together on a bench near one of the entrances to the rink, and Levi followed suit when you started taking off your shoes and putting the ice skates on in turn.

“Considering you’ve been stupidly good at anything like this so far, I sort of expect you to get the hang of this fairly quickly, but...this is called ice skating,” you explained in a low tone so no one would hear you explaining what this was to him.  “It’s all about balance and such--balance on the blades on your feet, center of balance, that kind of thing.  It might take a bit to get used to, but once you do, you’ll be skating along in no time.  It's something I like to do in the winter, and I thought you might enjoy it, too.”

You finished strapping the skates on, getting to your feet and taking a few careful steps since you were still on concrete until you were standing in front of Levi, holding your hands out for him to take.  “Here--just focus on standing and getting used to balancing on the blades, first,” you told him, pulling him up to his feet and letting him stand in front of you for a few moments, holding tightly to his hands as he wobbled slightly, feet moving from side to side experimentally, picking up one foot and attempting to keep his balance on the other, simply feeling it out for a few seconds while you held him securely in place.

His hands are warm...rough and calloused...but warm...

After he seemed to get his balance, you walked backwards to bring Levi forwards into the ice rink, making sure he kept his balance despite the awkward steps until you reached the smooth ice that the skates were meant for.  The slicing sound of the skate blade against the ice felt right to your ears, and you gave Levi a moment to adjust to the terrain, shifting so that you were standing beside him on the ice instead of in front of him, holding one of his hands.

The remaining skating group seemed to decide they didn’t want to risk crashing into the new skater in the small rink and left, meaning it was just the two of you in the rink as you taught Levi how to push off with the blades, how to turn, how to stop without face planting into the ice.  It was much faster than most people learned, but it was still slower than you expected.  He just seemed to be a natural at so many things, it was almost weird watching him have to progress through figuring out how to ice skate.

Then again, you were teaching him piano, as well, so it wasn’t entirely something new.  Maybe it was just the fact he always seemed to be magically gifted when it came to anything physical or something that had to do with aim, accuracy, speed…

With just the two of you, the rink was pretty quiet.  There were your voices, of course, with you encouraging him and explaining what you showed him on how to do this or that on the skates, how to speed up and slow down, how to do a hard and sudden stop (again, without face planting).  Levi occasionally made a few quips or grumbles, though none of it was mean spirited.  He seemed focused on what you were showing him, and he was learning it fairly quickly.  You might even dare to say he was having fun.

The other sounds were the slicing of your skates against the ice, and the music playing over loudspeakers on the poles for patrons to skate to if they wanted to.  The man running the booth wasn’t even paying attention to the two of you, he was watching tv on a tiny screen you could barely see through the window in the booth, meaning that for now, it was just the two of you, despite the normally public setting.

Once Levi had his balance and he was able to skate on his own, namely in a circle, considering you hadn’t taught him any tricks yet since you were rather focused on...just skate, you let his hand go, albeit reluctantly.  Still, it would allow him to get comfortable in the skates and skate on his own without leaning on you like a crutch--and the entire thing would be much more enjoyable for him if he could do it on his own without your help.

Once you were no longer teaching him the basics, you took off to go at your normal speed, skating fairly quickly around the rink, getting the feel for being in the skates again--figure skates, mind you.  You liked trying to pull off tricks, and you liked trying to time them to the music.  You weren’t an Olympic figure skater, but you could do some basic tricks.  Not only was it something that you liked doing and that gave you a degree of accomplishment, but it was also a moment to let yourself shine and show off a bit around Levi.

Closing your eyes, you simply felt the movement, the feel of the breeze created by your movement against your face, gravity acting on your body as you leaned this way or that for a turn.  You listened to the music, getting a feel for the beat and the pace before you started adjusting to try and match the music.  When the beat dropped, you attempted a leap and spin--just a quick one, landing a little shakily because it had been a while since you’d done this, but still sticking the landing for the most part.  Smiling slightly to yourself, you did it again with the next beat drop, the landing going much smoother.  You did a few simple movements as well as a few balancing attempts--skating on one foot was a little tricky and required quite a bit of balance, but you could do it--not that you let your foot go too far off the ground--you weren’t trying to form two right angles with your legs and upper body, you had a slight fear of losing your balance forward and causing a bad accident trying to pull that off.  It was simple leg up stuff that you tried.  And as long as you were paying attention, eyes open and alert to your surroundings, you could skate backwards, too--which you did.  It was at that point that you turned to see Levi watching you while you were skating, an intensity in his expression you hadn’t been expecting.  You blushed slightly to catch him staring at you, then gave him a smile, a wave, and you turned back around to do a nonchalant figure eight down the center, cutting across to the other side, doing a little spin before you came to skate beside him.

“So, what do you think?” you asked him warmly, skating casually beside him for the time being, staying on the inside so you were the one making the tighter turns.

“Think you could show me some of those tricks?” he asked, eyes down and directed towards your skates.  You chuckled, lifting one of your legs just slightly off the ice and unsurprised to find him mirroring your movements.  He was a little wobbly at first, just like when he’d stood up, but he quickly evened out, and he even was able to lean into the turns without crashing.  “I’d say wait for the harder ones like leaping spins until you’re a bit more experienced with the skates.  Maybe just stick to movements and patterns.  Lifting a leg, figure eights, skating backwards, that kind of thing.”

“What, you think that little of me?”

You snorted.  “On the contrary, you have a gift for learning these kinds of things.  I’m actually pretty envious how easily everything seems to come to you.”

“Not everything,” he mumbled, and you thought you saw his cheeks were flushed again.  Though maybe it was the cold.  It was far below freezing at this point, and the two of you were skating around, that freezing air blowing on your exposed skin in an almost cutting manner.  You hadn’t really noticed that much, though.  “Skating backwards shouldn’t be too hard, right?”

While you had expected him to try it, you hadn’t expected him to try it right at that very moment as he was skating beside you.  His hand suddenly grasped your arm, and he did a hard turn like he’d seen you do a few times for your tricks, coming to a slightly wobbly stop--not a full stop, you were both still moving--directly in front of you, one of his feet planted between your legs and the other on the outside.  He was, for the moment, skating backwards.

“It’s gonna be inverted, remember?  So instead of leaning--”

“I know,” he said with a huff, glancing behind him and leaning in a mirror of the direction you moved to turn with the curve of the small rink, his grip on your arm tightening slightly and his gaze down at your feet to make sure you two didn’t get tangled up in one another.

You went around the rink like this once...twice...eventually he stopped looking at the turns behind him or the skates below, his grip on your arm going lower...lower...closer to your hand...his eyes focused solely on you as you strangely enough took over guiding the two of you in nonchalant circles around the rink, feeling that gaze of his making your cheeks burn until, after a turn into the longer stretch of ice, you turned to look at him and ask what he was staring at.

He kissed you.

There was no warning.  You hardly had time to turn your head to face him before his lips were against yours.  His lips were cold because of the weather, maybe a little dry as well, but just like his hands, despite the rough and cold outer appearance, it was...soft.  Hesitant, even, like he might pull away at the first sign of discomfort.  You sucked in a sharp breath in surprise, feeling yourself lean into him, start to put more weight on him as you kissed him back just as hesitantly.

You were both frozen like that for a few moments, cold lips pressed together, timid and unsure about what to do, neither of you having done this before and knowing what came next.  But despite the freezing temperature and dry lips, it was still warm--or, it caused a warm feeling in your chest, a nervous and overeager squirm in your belly as your mind started to work again and all these thoughts started to crash down on you, realization of what this meant, what it could mean, that this was your first kiss, that Levi was kissing you, holding you a little closer to him.  After that initial freeze, you both tried to keep going, the inexperience showing but neither of you wanting to pull away.  If anything, you leaned into him a bit more, lips moving against his in the way you thought they were supposed to, his attempting to follow in kind.  As if to help guide both of you, his hand reached up to brush his knuckles carefully against your cheek, your head tilting slightly to the side in a reaction to the touch.

He felt warm.  He felt comfortable.  He felt inviting--like you belonged here, right here with him, stumbling through figuring out what came next, with him holding tight to you to help keep you steady when you started to shake, and you there to return the favor.

Your heart was pounding in your ears, and you felt breathless, felt your knees start to shake, the skates wobbling beneath you as Levi started to pull away, just as gently as he came in for the kiss.  Your eyes, squeezed shut a few moments ago as if that could help freeze the moment in time like the branches on the willow, started to open.

The presence you were leaning into in front of you suddenly disappeared, and with the amount of weight you’d been putting forward, you lost your balance, falling hard onto the ice with a skidding slide, palms burning against the cold ice as you pushed up onto your elbows, looking around in bewilderment.

And then you just...stayed there.  Just sat there.  Completely alone in the skating rink.  No one around to so much as witness what had happened, or confirmed it was real.

No Levi.

Just you.

Alone.

Alone on the ice before you could even release the breath you’d been holding.

*Levi’s POV*

Levi opened his eyes not to the chilling air and the bright lights both from the stairs and the strings of lights above, not to Y/N’s face aglow in that light, that blush in her cheeks that she’d kept trying to brush off as the cold despite her lingering touches, no lightly falling snow that left wet drops like dew on her cheeks, nose, and forehead.  He was alone in the silence of the Underground, lying stretched out on a couch with an arm behind his head under a pillow, staring up at the dark ceiling of his current place of residence.

He closed his eyes tightly, trying to will himself back to that moment, feeling a bubbling anger rising in his chest.  Nothing was happening.  He couldn’t smell the fresh air, couldn’t hear the faint music, couldn’t feel her hand against his arm or her lips against his, couldn’t feel the unsteady weight of having those blades under his feet.  He held his breath, eyes shut as tight as he could, trying so damn hard to get back there.

But nothing changed.  Even though there was nowhere he wanted to be more right now.

Levi opened his eyes slightly, peering at the ceiling without really seeing it, hand stretching out in front of him like he was reaching out to that mental image of the girl running ahead of him, just out of reach even as he stretched, tried to grab onto her even as she slipped through his fingers like smoke, far out of his reach.

Levi’s outstretched hand turned into a fist, and he slammed it against the wall the couch was pushed up against, hearing something crack.  “Shit!”

It had been so perfect.  He’d been watching her the whole time, watching her move so gracefully and freely, so confident and just so...so...beautiful.  And she didn’t seem to even realize that was how he saw her.  Didn’t seem to realize just how much she was worth to him.  He couldn’t help himself--he hadn’t even realized what he was doing until his lips were on hers.  But it had still felt so right in that moment, in that single, fleeting, perfect moment.

And now he was right back here.  All over again.  He didn’t even get the chance to open his eyes and see her reaction, and it pissed him off.  Now he had to wait, and he hated the thought.  Anger and frustration bubbled right to the surface as he got up off the couch, unable to sit still as he got to his feet with a dark, sulking look on his face at how robbed he felt right now.

Though there was also a tiny part of him that was scared because he hadn’t been able to see her reaction.  Especially now that he’d just disappeared on her.

He didn’t know how long he could wait--he knew he’d have to, but it had to come eventually.  He’d go back soon, surely, and he could see her then, he could try to figure out what that kiss was to her when he went back, what it meant for them.  Even if part of him was nervous to know how she was going to take it, even if he had no idea what this meant for them, fuck, he had to know, and he couldn’t stand to wait another hour!

What Levi didn’t know at the time...was that it would be years before he ever saw her again.

Next Chapter---->

(Strikethroughs Couldn’t Be Tagged)

Levi Tags:  @clary-quinn  @humanitys-hottestsoldier  @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea @hauntedhousecat @peaches-and-clouds

Through The Looking Glass Tags:  @artist-bby @kaz2y5-pie @tartheyes @super-peace-fangirl @huntersbunker @nefelimalfoy @soft-levi-girl-blog @honeygivemeachainsaw @regalillegal @sugas-daddy7 @cathyannecookie @chaoticshepardplaid @roayaloveslife @sanrioclit @wvnderfvllyalvne @sparkling-gayyyy @do-not-feed-sugar​

[achliegh]

Bronze

Alright, I had this wonderful idea come into my head about Clayton, honestly he deserves his own fic. So here is his version of events! Lots will tie together with Golden so I recommend you read that as well. But you don’t have to of course.

Explaining:

Before Letter is the present.

Letter is updating the lives of the people back home, of whoever wrote it mostly.

After Letter is memory.

The first few letters will be very awkward because writing letters and not being sure what to talk about and what not to talk about is hard and confusing. Stick with me! Yes, this prologue is just a letter.

TW/CW: Discussions of death, military training, smut, cringy jokes, underage drinking, dumb choices, swearing, hospitals, injuries and death caused by someone close, domestic abuse, blood, unfair treatment from police, false allegations.

Beta: @walking-crisis

Some Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Chapter 6:

In Color

“I don’t think you’re ready for that.” Grev was leaning against the door frame, cigar in his mouth and dressed in a casual yet expensive suit. “It will mess with your head.”

“Are you allowed to smoke in here?” Grev snatches the book from his grasp and raises a challenging eyebrow at him. Putting his hands up in surrender he starts walking back towards his bed. Ass out.

“How did you get up?” Grev took his normal seat and put his ankle on his knee to get comfortable.

“I stood up… why is that some miracle or something?”

“A little, you did get shot in the back of the head.” Grev goes back to puffing his cigar, oddly enough it doesn’t smell like a normal cigar. His dad would have one every holiday, he knows what they smell like. Clay is about to sit back on the bed when he hears Grev clear his throat, looking up Clay makes eye contact with the older man for a moment.

“Fine, I changed my mind… you can look. But, only if I get to explain the pictures to you.” Clay sits down and pats the mattress next to him. Grev grumbles under his breath and walks over to sit next to him. He opens the picture album to the first page.

“Is that you?” Clay points to a picture of two small boys looking happy with smiles on their faces, but their eyes told a different story. Even in black and white Clay could see how scared they were.

“That's my twin brother Clark and I, we were 12 years old, working in a factory during the Great Depression.” Clay looks up at him confused, Great depression… but Grev doesn’t look that old. Shaking his head thinking maybe he found the fountain of youth, Clay kept looking at the pictures. Flipping through happy and sad pictures as he turned each page.

“You are in the military?”

“Was, and yes. That was my battle buddy, his name was Gerald Kinzie. He was a high school teacher in San Antonio… I wonder where he is now.”

They turn the page and Clay can’t help but awwwwwww out loud. A picture of Grev with a beautiful woman, he’s kissing her cheek and they appear to be in… wedding? Attire.

“That’s your grandmother and I.”

Dear Clayton,

I know you are deployed a little longer than we were told you would be, but it’s okay! As long as you are safe somewhere then I don’t mind! You’re someone I can spill the beans to and not get in trouble.

You obviously remember the Sheriff, well he has passed away. I know it is terrible to celebrate someone's passing but he and his family made your life a living hell. Ashley scarred your beautiful face.

Yes, you may look more devil's advocate but it doesn’t make me sad.

A bad thing to come out of his death, besides his death of course God Bless his soul, is that Leo was investigated for it.

Now this happened a few months ago, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry about your brother, he is just fine now. Him and his boys came to visit not long ago.

First it was Leo by himself and then his boys came down a few days later. He was the happiest I have seen him since you left. He really misses you baby. So does your Daddy.

I think I am close to convincing him to write to you! He was asking for a pen and paper the other night when he had his night smoke on the back porch. So, look out for that letter.

I got a call from Noelle, she is just a peach you sure got lucky with her, she called to ask me if I had a box or a basket of little things you would find and give to me and your Daddy. She called you a penguin and I couldn’t help but laugh.

I told her that we have a room dedicated to everything you would find for us because the things you brought us vary in sizes. She didn’t say much about it after that, just talked about how Thomas and her were thinking about coming down in a month. After the last game of the season.

Of course I told them they can have your room, I’ve been cleaning it everyday just in case you surprise me like you like to do.

I love you baby, can’t wait for you to be home. xoxo

Love,

Mama

P.S

I already know.

It was humid that night, Noelle has been so excited for this date the entire week. They could only do this on a Thursday night because Thomas was leaving for an away game in Hufflepuff, Noelle was going to visit her other sisters, and Clay was going to get tested to get into boot camp this weekend.

So, driving Clay’s brand new truck up to the highest point in Gryff to watch the sunset. It was cliché but it was comforting. Noelle parks the truck after backing it up into the spot so they feel like they are floating over the cliff. They lay blankets and pillows down to be comfortable.

They turned on some low music, Thomas and Noelle laughed as Clay tried to mimic Finn’s dancing on the tailgate as the other two snuggled together. Clay stopped and stared at them for a moment, he didn’t realize how intensely he was staring until he felt two very different hands pull him on top of the beautiful two humans he was staring at.

“Hi…” Noelle snorts and gives him a small kiss on his scarred eyebrow. He feels Thomas lean over to presumably give him a kiss on the cheek. Instead he blows a raspberry in his neck, causing Clay to smack his neck and try to get away, only to be pulled further into the pile until he is being sandwiched in between them. Both looking up at him from where their cheeks are squished into his biceps. They are hugging him tightly and their legs are a tangled mess.

Eventually they all relax their grip on each other just a little, watching the sky as it starts to change colors. Clay notices how heavy his partners have gotten suddenly. He looks down to see that Noelle has fallen asleep with her mouth open and is starting to drool, and Thomas has fallen asleep looking more relaxed and peaceful than he has all week.

Clay knows they don’t want him to go into the military but ever since he moved to Gryff for the winters… he's been lost. Feeling useless while everyone else is out improving their lives. He needed a path of his own. He can’t just be the pretty thing that sits at home and waits for his lovers like a dog. He needs a purpose of his own.

Looking down at them, he smiles and traces the three little moles on Noelles tan cheek that make a triangle. He looks over to Thomas who has a small scar just below his lip. Noelle recently attacked his eyebrows with some tweezers and Clay can still see the little scab from where Thomas tried to move his head and she plucked his skin on accident.

Clay doesn’t realise how much time passed as he just memorised their faces, breathing pattern and the way they cling to him, until he realises the only light illuminating Noelles honey brown hair is the streetlight they parked next to.

He looks up at the sky and sees the stars for the first time since moving to the city… it just so happens to be his lucky night.

He makes a wish on the bright northstar.

He wants this forever.

[katherinewilliams221b]

For A Greater Good Epilogue

Not my gif

Summary: Kate Williams, young healer and member of the Order, joins Durmstrang’s staff at Dumbledore’s request. Her mission? Find a   Death Eater and survive long enough to tell the story. Set in 1996.

Pairing: Charlie Weasley x ofc/mc

Masterlist

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

[Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10]

[Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14]

[Part 15] [Part 16] [Part 17] [Part 18]

Warnings: mentions of sex

-

The game had started as a simple distraction while Charlie slept. Back at their cabin in Romania, almost two weeks after the incident in London and receiving confirmation that Voldemort had returned, Charlie and Kate forced themselves to do something they were both terrible at: spending an afternoon doing nothing.

Charlie had managed for the first time in months to take a short nap. 

Kate couldn’t. 

With her wand she had levitated a pillow and was spinning it in the air when another one identical to this one joined in. Her partner had woken up and without saying anything, they started a fight over their heads.

At some point they turned around in bed, trying to distract each other from their target and now they were side by side, with their feet towards the head of the bed.

Every now and then, Kate would look down at Charlie’s bare legs, but it wasn’t enough to lose the fight. Luckily, he was wearing a T-shirt. Knowing this, and taking advantage of the cotton shorts she was wearing, Charlie let his right leg fall on her own.

He saw out of the corner of his eye how she shook her head and before he could anticipate it, Kate twisted her arm so that she could cover his face with the back of her hand. Neither of them lost sight of their flying pillows.

After a while Kate tried uselessly to escape from Charlie’s leg and get the hand he had kidnapped against his chest back. Meanwhile, he decided to keep playing dirty.

Releasing her arm, and taking advantage of her concentration, he slightly pinched her waist.

Her torso jumped like a spring away from him, lifting her light green tank top, but she couldn’t go very far because of the weight of now Charlie’s two legs.

He smiled to himself. Without warning, he began to pinch every exposed skin he could reach, making Kate squirm like a fish out of water.

She was laughing, against her will, and the pillow began to twirl around the room following the erratic motion of her wand. She began to slap his hands away, but it was useless. Sticking out her tongue a bit to the side, Charlie noticed, she gained control over her pillow again and with a sharp motion of her wand it fell right onto Charlie’s face.

The tickles stopped for a second, and Charlie froze in place. The other pillow fell to the floor with a soft thud and Kate held her breath, waiting for a reaction.

Her mouth filled with air, making her cheeks round, as she tried as best as she could to control the laugh that was trying to escape.

Charlie grabbed the pillow and threw it in her general direction, effectively hitting her in the face, and she couldn’t resist puffing her laugh out. It all happened so fast; he was suddenly above her, benefiting from her distraction, and the tickles began again.

Both knew that Charlie was strong enough to stop Kate from moving, yet he let her throw herself on him and anchor him to the bed.

“Stop now if you don’t want a kick on your chin.” She wanted to sound threatening, but the cheeky grin that was plastered on his face made her snort despite herself.

“You started.” She scrunched her nose and pressed it against his, a mocking expression whose sole purpose was allowing her to touch his face. “I like hearing you laugh.” He murmured.

Charlie pulled away some locks of hair that had cascaded over her eyes and appreciated how the light coming in through the window created an almost angelic halo around her head.

“Ron hasn’t written yet?” she asked.

Charlie exhaled and dropped his head back.

“Can we for once not talk about...anything?”

Kate frowned, she was tired of tiptoeing around the theme of Voldemort, of Harry, of Sirius.

Kate had proposed bringing Harry to Romania for the summer, thinking that he would take his mind off his godfather and not have to return to his horrible Muggle family in the process. Everyone refused, including him.

She moved to get off Charlie, anticipating an argument on the subject, but he grabbed her by the waist with both hands, preventing her from leaving him.

“We agreed on one evening. One afternoon without thinking. If it’s not today, you will owe me one.”

Kate reluctantly nodded, knowing that he was right, and leaned forward to rest on his chest. She plunged her face into his neck and stayed there, trying to stop her mind while Charlie hugged her to him.

Why had Dumbledore waited so long to tell her he had the list? Why did no one want her to bring Harry with her? How was he doing? Was Corentin mad at her because she left without saying goodbye? She sent a letter saying she almost died, but he hadn’t replied…

“I can hear you, you know?” Charlie whispered. He felt the faintest of smiles against his skin and then a soft peck behind his ear. 

Sorry

“I don’t think I’ll get used to this. It’s scary listening voices that are not your own.”

“Welcome to the club.” She hummed when his hands started lazy patterns on her back, and despite beginning to feel sticky from the heat, she pressed herself further against him.

His breathing, his chest going up and down, the hand that moved to massage her hair and the soft kisses on her forehead made her start to drift to that promised sleep she hadn’t been able to get that afternoon.

“Am I crushing you?” She was genuinely worried he might have been uncomfortable, but a long and loud kiss to her cheek reassured her.

“You can crush me anytime.” He grinned against her skin and she reciprocated it with a huff so lazy that couldn’t be considered a laugh.

A few knocks on the window startled them. Seeing the owl, Kate pressed her face back into Charlie’s neck and grunted. The bird was insistent and began a series of angry taps to the glass. With a sigh and little desire, he untangled Kate’s body from him, leaving her face down on the bed.

“Katie.” Charlie closed the window after seeing the owl leave and sat down on the edge of the bed. Slowly, and with her eyes closed, she rolled over a few times until she made contact with his back. She came up behind him and on her knees wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed a kiss on the top on his head.

“News from London?”

“No. From Durmstrang. And it came with this.” He handed her the letter and a small package with the school’s emblem on its seal. “Maybe it’s from your friend.”

She used her nail with most delicacy, trying to keep the beautiful seal intact, and smiled when she saw Corentin’s signature at the end of the paper. When she finished, she left the letter on the bed and unwrapped the package.

“He says he sent me ‘something that always comes in handy’. What could that be?”

“Hm, I don’t know… I hope hair ties” Charlie raised his forehead challenging her, and she flashed an innocent grin.

Kate took out a delicate bottle with a label from a small cloth bag. It looked empty and foggy, but as she moved it, the contents swayed with it.

Bottled ghost breath.

She threw her head back with her laugh, leaving a stunned but appreciative Charlie staring at her.

“An inside joke?” he asked with a small chuckle. She simply nodded and crawled to her bedside table, where she left her wand and mail.

Taking advantage of her back to him, he grabbed her by the hips and pulled until she was sitting between his legs.

“Hey!”

After some giggles, they sat like this, chest to back, swaying to the rhythm of non-existent music. Kate rested her head back and stared at his lips, asking for something more.

He smiled before the kiss, the kisses, and hummed in contentment.

“In spite of everything... Do you miss Durmstrang? Being a teacher?” he inquired after a while.

“It was fun, yes...”

“I’m sure you were brilliant.” Kate scrunched her nose at that and shrugged.

“I always thought you’d be the teacher... and write a thousand books about dragons, and people would line up to get into Professor Weasley’s lecture and you’d have all the girls behind you...”

“Don’t talk nonsense.” He snorted, making her laugh too.

She put her hands on his forearms and caressed her way to his hands. She placed them over his, aligning their fingers, and started swaying their arms.

“And you will open a hospital, which will have your name and a huge picture of your face. And you will discover cures for rare diseases, and everyone will want to work with mediwizard Williams, and the young trainees will drool over you.”

“Wow, now who’s talking rubbish?” Charlie pressed his face against her neck, silencing his laugh.

Kate looked away from her scar, the souvenir she had brought back from the trip to Durmstrang, and her smile broke. Charlie didn’t see it, but he could feel it so he interlocked their fingers and drew their arms to her middle, hugging her closer to him.

“Do you think we’ll have any of that?” She asked.

He rested his head on her shoulder and nodded. “I don’t doubt it. Although...” She turned her head, a frown forming between her brows. “Although I wouldn’t mind if not that way. My only request is that we’re together.”

She inhaled, letting her heart grow and make even more room for the man behind her. After turning around, she kneeled between his legs and placed her hands on either side of his face.

Charlie grabbed the back of her thighs, pulling her a little closer, and stared up at her.

After searching his eyes for a moment, and satisfied with what she found there, she drew his face near and pressed her lips firmly against his. It ended with a chaste sound that the next shorter kisses imitated.

She moved her hands to his hair and gave a light tug that ignited something between them they had lacked for half a year. And the hasty night in Grimmauld Place didn’t count, they considered, for they weren’t really safe and it only served as a reconnection more than a time to feel with abandonment.

Their lips found their way to each other again, this time allowing the start of an exploration. She hummed into his mouth when the pair of hands that balanced her legs moved to squeeze her bum.

Sensing that the advances were evolving into an inevitable outcome, Charlie ended the kiss.

“I’m hungry.”

Kate started placing small kisses along his neck, “Please don’t mean food…” Charlie chuckled then, and patted her butt cheeks for her to move.

Rolling her eyes, she stood up, murmuring complaints about wasting time cooking all the time.

“No need, there’s some pie left and I’ll make some tea, now come on.” Kate yelped when he lifted her and put her legs around him for support.

“Put me down, you’ll hurt your back.” She still wanted to devour the lips that were now smiling, and she stared at them all the way to the kitchen.

“You don’t think I can carry you? You weigh as much as a fairy.”

“Not true.” She giggled when she untangled herself, and with a small jump she sat on the counter.

She looked around at her home. From the counter, she could see the wooden table where they sat to have their meals and share their days; the two small couches that faced each other, where some tears and laughs had been spilled; the chimney, the place where he last saw her before leaving.

It was their nest, their safe place, and she couldn’t believe she was finally back.

Her father’s letters mocked her from the coffee table. He had sent money, true to his word, but it had remained untouched since Charlie received it.

Dumbledore refused to give her another mission, not that she complained, but a dark voice inside her head told her it would be preferable instead of facing unemployment again.

Now she saw that money with different eyes.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” She said when he felt Charlie put a hand on her knee.

“You’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t want to use that money.”

“Then don’t. We don’t need it, anyway.” She heard him put a kettle on the stove. “Also, that woman, Rhode, paid you for the time teaching, didn’t she? You could use that for your mediwizard training.”

Kate hummed, agreeing, but not entirely convinced.

“I doubt Nougal would accept me in the hospital now. It’s been too long. And I can’t go back whining after resigning.”

She looked at him when he didn’t answer. He was left staring at the about -to- whistle kettle.

“What?” She demanded. After a moment, he talked again.

“I was just thinking that there’s a vacancy in the reserve…”

“No.” She said firmly, shaking her head.

“Just… listen to me.” She crossed her arms, but he was fast enough to grab her wrists, preventing her from shielding herself. “You could apply and work there. Yes, in a tent, don’t look at me like that. It would be less stressful than the hospital, and sure you are overqualified for it, but…”

He brought her hands to his chest and searched her eyes. “But you will have time to study for the mediwizard training, so when you actually take the tests it’ll be a piece of cake.”

Letting go of her arms, he rounded her waist and got as close as the counter allowed.

“Besides, and this is the important part, I’ll have my own sexy healer.” She smirked then, avoiding his stare and making circles on his arm with her fingers.

“The kettle…”

Charlie shook her head and went to the stove. She thought the conversation was over, but he didn’t intend to give it up.

“Imagine: we wake up, we go there together, I kiss you before parting, and then we meet for lunch. You tell me how many burn-healing paste jars you used that day and after working in the afternoon we meet again to go home together.”

“Sounds very good…” She accepted the plate with some pie that he offered and smiled, “I’ll think about it.”

“And who knows, maybe we can get a mission for the Order together this time. Bed or couch?”

“Bed!” She hopped off the counter and followed him to their bedroom with cups and plates in hand.

They ate in silence, each with their own thoughts and blocking the other from hearing them.  Still not speaking, Kate fed him her last bite of pie left on her plate and left it on the nightstand. She closed her eyes.

“Do you remember the Quidditch World Cup?”

Charlie huffed, accidentally spitting some crumbs “How could I forget…”

“You were injured, and I… cured you. Afterwards… I felt terrible…”

“For saving my life? You flatter me, love.”

Kate snorted and turned to her side. Instead of looking up at him, started caressing the hairs on his arm absentmindedly.

“No. After everything calmed down, it hit me… I could have made a mistake with your wound. I could have mispronounced the spell or make a wrong wand movement…”

He let her think her next words but seeing she was struggling he asked, “That’s why you always refused to work at the reserve? Because you’re afraid to harm me?”

“Well, it’s more complicated than that. I shouldn’t be your healer… It sounds dumb when I say it out loud. “

“That we agree on.”

“I think about it more than you could imagine. I’m always torn between ‘I shouldn’t be his healer in case something goes wrong’ and ‘if someone other than me touches you I’ll start blasting hexes’.”

He began laughing then, at first just a cackle, but after a while he had to cover his eyes with his palm. Kate moved into a sitting position and stared at him.

“You are… the most absurd woman I’ve ever met.”

“Well, thanks. You flatter me, love.” She repeated his earlier words, leaving a particular sparkle in his eyes.

“You were Madam Pomfrey’s youngest apprentice, you were the brightest healer trainee in St Mungo while mourning a loss and escaping from your controlling grandfather, you got a job in the best hospital in Bucharest, you just came from the most demanding school in Europe, having worked as a healer and as a teacher.” He counted with his fingers, his voice steady and warm.

“You are many things, love, but not incapable or incompetent. If there’s anyone I’d trust with my health or my life, that’s you.”

Kate sat speechless, digesting his words. A tear threatened to spill, but she didn’t let it.

“You are a treasure, Charlie Weasley. But I can’t be your healer.” She said as softly as she could, hoping he would understand and respect that decision.

“The offer is there.” He paused, a question behind his eyes, she felt, and Kate waited for him to speak. “But let me ask you something: what do you want to do?”

“I want to become a mediwizard.” She stated. Charlie broke into a giant smile and she reciprocated it.

“Then if you know the goal, I’m sure you’ll find the way.”

Charlie sighed dramatically then, and she smirked, anticipating some kind of remark.

“It’s hard being so wise.”

Kate chuckled. “And you?” She practically whispered.

“What about me?”

“What do you want to do?”

He closed his eyes and pretended to think about it. A silly question, she considered, knowing that he knew what he wanted to do with his life from the moment he learned what a dragon was.

“I would... I would love to be a good dragonologist. A real one.”

“You are already that.”

“No, not yet. But someday.” She pursed her lips and with a sharp nod she added, “I think you always have been.”

“Oh, and it would be fantastic to go to China some day! The sanctuaries there are wonderful...”

“Didn’t you mention a story about some secret papyrus?” The sparkle in his eyes made Kate want to shower his face in kisses.

“The Lost Scrolls of Quong Po! Can you imagine? His discoveries about dragons could change how we see the magic world…”

“An adventure for another time.” They were pensive for a while, enjoying the pleasant silence that had been created around them.

Kate considered fondly from where she sat; his arms rested at his sides, shoulders relaxed, his muscular legs were stretched out before him, crossed at the ankles. The light coming through the window made the copper curls of his thighs stand out. She didn’t resist the temptation and placed her hand there, feeling his muscle towards his knee, and then caressed her way back to the top of his thigh.

Charlie tilted his head and squinted at her imperceptibly, observing how she played with his soft hairs, her mind drifting away from the moment and sinking deep into herself.

“What are you thinking?” he murmured. Kate inhaled, opening her lips to tell him, but the words she wanted to express were so tangled with each other it was impossible to reorganise the sentence. She lifted one shoulder just an inch, tilting her face towards it in an adorable gesture that Charlie had seen plenty of times before. It lasted no more than a moment, and it was usually followed by a deep and heavy thought.

“I could have reacted the same way as Mer Yankelevich did. I know her pain and her desperation. If I had suspected, back then, that there was a chance, a minuscule one, to bring my brother back… how far would I have gone? We’re not so different, aren’t we? Her and I.”

She looked at him then, searching for an answer. Charlie’s brow furrowed and shifted his eyes towards her gentle hand.

“It’s interesting how everyone around us live the same experiences as we do… and yet we choose very different paths.” Leron Angelov invaded her thoughts. Then Jorgensen appeared next to him, followed by Sheyi Mawut and Mer Yankelevich. Astrid Rhode and Cassandra Steiner materialised at the ends of that line up she’d created, and finally Libor Marek. All of them, so different in shape, sizes and set of mind, were bonded to each other by one single thing: grief.

She didn’t know their backstories very well, and they didn’t know hers, but she was certain now that she could look anybody in the eye and say with conviction: I understand.

“Well, that’s what makes everybody different, isn’t it? Our choices.” Charlie’s voice brought her back to Earth. “I don’t think you would have gone crazy. You already were.” The corner of his mouth raised, and she tsked, lightly swatting his leg. She tried to hide the smirk, but he had already caught it.

I saw that.

“We’ll never know.”

“Oh, I know.” Charlie interrupted, “There’s a possibility, right? Those Deathly Hallows, they mentioned. You figure out if they’re real or not, you find them, and you use them. Would you do it?” That made her frown.

“No.”

His forehead raised, point proven, and interlocked his fingers on his lap. “You are different.”

Kate tilted her head, a soft smile playing on her lips as she stared at him, getting perilously lost in his brown eyes.

“To have decided that it was our free afternoon, we’ve been thinking a lot...” Charlie commented. Kate just nodded. “How about switching to other kinds of activities...?”

“Something that doesn’t require... thinking?”

“Exactly.”

“I’d love to, but now that you mentioned that you want to be a real dragonologist, it reminded me that I’ve yet to see your finished work!”

“It’s a draft.”

“Yes, but a 214- pages -draft. Come on… read it to me.”

Charlie shut his eyes closed and shook his head. “When it’s finished.”

“You’re no fun. I bet you get accepted in that new program in the Apuseni mountains you’ve been dreaming of for months. They didn’t even ask for a whole dissertation, and you did it, anyway. Remember my Christmas gift?”

Charlie smiled then, remembering the night they spent at her grandfather’s house celebrating the holidays, and the exact moment she gave him a letter… a letter from the one and only Newt Scamander, saying that Kate had sent him parts of his unfinished project, he had read them, and he had liked them!

It was still unreal.

Charlie moved then, getting on his knees, and crawled over to Kate, getting close enough to make her lay down. She placed her hands on his biceps and caressed the scar there before going up to his neck. “I’ll read it to you… later?”

“Deal.”

With a smirk forming on her face, she reached down to grab the hem of his shirt and pulled upward just an inch.

“I don’t think you will be needing this.”

She didn’t need to say it twice. In one move he threw his T-shirt across the room. “Where were we?”

“Hm... I don’t remember, we should start from the beginning.”

From that day on, things did not improve, however, their conversation remained engraved in their minds. They would not fight in vain, they would fight for each other, for their future and for the greater good they believed in.

This mission was over, maybe not in the way Kate would have preferred, but that night, with Charlie’s arms around her as he read, she decided she should close this chapter and replenish her strength for what was to come.

--

A/N: Do you want to know what happened that Christmas? Or maybe at the Quidditch World Cup?

Tag List:

@eldritchscreech​

@meteora-fc​

@cazreadsstuff

@the-navistar-carol​

@am-i-space​

[isolemnlyswearpevensie]

Lightning in a Bottle | Edmund Pevensie x Reader

Warnings: None :)

Time/Era: Modern AU

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: Music is Edmund’s love language, apparently. 

Request: Hey! Could you possibly do a cute high school au with Edmund? Maybe they’re both crushing on each other and everyone knows except themselves, anything you wanna do really haha 😂 thanksss :)

A/N: Thanks for the request!!  God, I love Edmund so much. And here, we have indie boi Ed. This oneshot is inspired by  Electric Love by Børns. (Specifically, the video linked) This is one of my favorite songs, and I thought it fit the indie-main-character-high-school vibe :) I didn’t really nail the “everyone knows but them” thing, but still crushes! Enjoy ~

masterlist | here is a playlist of the songs in the mixtape mentioned | read on ao3

Edmund Pevensie was obsessed with listening to music, particularly with old musical technology. While it wasn’t uncommon to have a fascination with cassette tapes or vinyl records, it hit a special chord within Edmund’s heart. Something about listening to music, old and new, on the outdated tech made the music sound better, hit harder, and stick in his mind better. He was the type of guy who took the AUX on long car rides to play one of his thousand Spotify playlists. 

Another notable thing about Edmund was that he was very intelligent with very high standards for himself. He was a natural at academics, having been in advanced classes since he was young, and he was the guy everyone hated in math class. After dozing off in class, and mouthing off to the teacher every now and again, he still came out as the teacher’s favorite and a straight-A student. 

The majority of the time, though, he tended to keep to himself. While he was genuinely liked by his peers and was rather charming, he didn’t really consider anyone his friend. Unlike his older brother, Peter, he liked to remain closer to the shadows with earbuds in his ears. He knew he could never fill his brother’s shoes; Peter had basically come into Cair Paravel High School to be captain of the soccer team. He was so good that even though his grades were subpar at best, he received a full-ride scholarship to Archenland University to study sports medicine and play on their soccer team. 

Then there was his older sister, Susan, who won her Student Body President campaign by a landslide. Everyone liked Susan; she was patient, gentle, and got along with pretty much everyone. She too got a pretty large scholarship to Beruna State College and is double majoring in child education and European history. 

Finally, there was Edmund’s little sister, Lucy. She was only a freshman at Cair Paravel, and very into student council. Edmund thought she was practically made to be an ASB kid; she was excited, friendly, and much too kind. Lucy made the switch to high school seamlessly and had a big group of friends by the time the final bell rang on the first day. 

Edmund was a senior now and he couldn’t wait to get out of high school. The people were unintelligent, he was constantly compared to his siblings and he was ready to start his life. Edmund had high ambitions to become a lawyer, specifically criminal law. He didn’t really have much to leave behind at this school, so he was just trying to get through it as soon as possible.

One thing he would miss was the quiet girl that sat behind him in his music appreciation class. Edmund didn’t really want to take the class, but at the last minute, he discovered he needed to fulfill an arts credit to graduate. He appreciated music and liked easy classes, so he chose this one. Little did he know it was mostly analyzing classical pieces. 

Y/N was super cute in Edmund’s eyes. She always mumbled sarcastic comments whenever their easily excitable teacher, Mr. Tumnus, would stretch when over-analyzing a stanza of music. By the time October passed, Edmund had grown quite fond of the girl. She almost always was reading a comic book of some sort instead of paying attention in class. Y/N even ended up lending Edmund a few for his viewing pleasures; he always made sure to return them in the exact condition he received them. Batman seemed to Y/N’s favorite. 

Y/N loved watching Edmund write. He held his pencil wrong and always had ink smudged all over his hand. Maybe it was because he was a leftie, or maybe it was because he wrote too fast. Probably a little bit of both. His handwriting was also weirdly slanted to the right, which didn’t make any sense to Y/N. He was left-handed but his letters slanted to the right? Not the mention how half of it was in cursive and half of it was in print. It was definitely messy but, oddly enough, still intelligible. 

“What are you listening to?” Y/N asked Edmund. “Better not be Christmas music. Christmas was last month.”

Edmund pulled an earbud out of his left ear and turned so he was sitting horizontally in his chair. He leaned an arm on the top of her desk and grinned. “Currently, I’m listening to Can I Call You Tonight? By Dayglow. What are you reading?” 

“Currently, I’m reading Volume 1 of The New Teen Titans,” Y/N copied Edmund. “I’ve never heard of Dayglow, are they good?” 

Edmund smiled, offering her his earbuds. “Listen and see for yourself.” 

As she listened Edmund searched her face for any clue to what she’s thinking. Her face housed a small smile so he concluded that she enjoyed it. Once the song ended, she took out one of his earbuds and placed it on her desk. 

“I like it,” She concluded, listening to the next song. 

“Good, so do I. It fits my mood for today.”

“What’s got you so happy today? You have a great way of showing happiness, by the way.” Edmund was dressed in all black with his hood up. Edmund rolled his eyes. 

“What I can’t be in a good mood?” 

“I never said that, Pevensie. You just look very Edmund-y today.” Y/N pulled the other earbud out of her head and held them out to him.

“No, keep listening. I’ll play some music for you throughout class and maybe you can tell me what you think at the end?” He pulled his hood off of his head and smoothed out his hair. “And what do you mean Edmund-y?”

“I don’t know, all black, hood up, dead look in your eyes.” 

“I don’t have a dead look in my eyes!” Y/N giggled at her own joke. “Just for that, I’m going to take this.” He snatched the open comic book that laid open on her desk. 

For the remainder of the class, Edmund dictated what Y/N listened to from his phone. He played everything from The Beatles, to The 1975, to COIN, to Duran Duran. Every now and then, Edmund would peek his head back to see her eyes glued to the back of his head. Her body swayed to the music almost lazily, and a smile graced her features. For some reason that made his stomach feel fuzzy. 

She returned his earbuds at the end of class, and he returned her comic. 

“That was fun,” Y/N complimented, shoving her materials into her bag. “I like the get better song you played.”

“I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers,” Edmund corrected her as they left the classroom. Music Appreciation was the class of the day for them, seeing as they were seniors who left at lunch, so the two started making their way towards the parking lot. 

“You have to meet your sister right?” Y/N asks, pulling out her I.D. so she could leave campus. “The really sweet freshman girl? Honestly, you two are so different I wouldn’t have guessed you were siblings.” 

“Oh, Lucy, yeah. We grab lunch every Thursday before I drop her back off for the remainder of her classes.” The two showed their I.D.’s to the campus aid and walked into the parking lot. 

“That’s sweet. We should grab lunch sometime, or something. It could be fun! We could do our analysis questions about Bach.” Y/N started to walk in the opposite direction and Edmund felt his cheeks warm. Luckily, Y/N’s back was now towards him. 

“Yeah, sure. Don Giovanni, right?” 

Y/N’s laughter could be heard as she grew further away. “That’s Motzart, Pevensie!”

Edmund shook his head and met Lucy. She was leaning against his car looking bored. 

“Who was that? Is that your girlfriend?” Lucy asks, opening the door once Edmund unlocks the car. This made his cheeks flush more. 

“No, she’s just the girl that sits behind me in Tumnus,” Edmund puts the key in the ignition and starts the engine. 

“Then why are you blushing?”

“I’m not, Lucy. It’s just hot in the car, it’s been sitting out here for ages.”

~

 One day in the middle of March when Y/N walked into Music Appreciation, she noticed a small rectangle box on her desk. Upon opening it, she found a cassette and a note. The note looked as if it was typed using a typewriter. 

Y/N,

I’m not very good when it comes to words, but I’m good when it comes to music. Hopefully, this says it all. Enjoy, my love. 

Side A //

Electric Love / Børns

I Love You So / The Walters

Fallingforyou / The 1975

Your Song /  Elton John

Someone To You / BANNERS

Side B //

Babe, Can I Call? / The Hunna

Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy) / The 1975

Luv, Hold Me Down / Drowners

love somebody like you / joan

TV Dream / Larkins

Y/N didn’t recognize most of the songs, but just reading the titles made her blush. 

“Mr. Tumnus? Did you happen to see who left this on my desk?” She held up the cassette so he could see. He shook his head. 

“No, sorry.”

Other students started to trickle in and soon the bell rang, no trace of Edmund. It wasn’t uncommon for him to skip this class, it was basically pointless, but it made Y/N sad every time he wasn’t there. 

The door swings open and a drenched Edmund steps into the classroom. Without even looking up, Mr. Tumnus addresses him. 

“You’re late again, Mr. Pevensie.”

“Sorry, I got stuck behind a group of Sophmore girls who wouldn’t move.”

“In the rain?” Mr. Tumnus raised an eyebrow.

“No, if it was in the rain I would be wet right now, sir.”

He plopped into his seat and started raking his hands through his wet hair. His cheeks were slightly rosey, as were his nose. His lips were pinker than usual and they stayed slightly parted. Hair stuck to his forehead as he ran his fingers ran through it and the hair on the nape of his neck dripped down his back. Y/N had to stop herself from staring at him with her jaw unhinged. 

“What’s that?” He whispered, noticing the open present on Y/N’s desk. He had taken up sitting horizontal in his chair at all times so he could more easily talk to Y/N. 

“It’s a mixtape. It was left on my desk when I got here,” Y/N responded and handed him the note. Edmund took it and began to read; his eyes scanned the paper and his lips moved slightly as he read. Y/N couldn’t help her this time, so she allowed herself to stare. His lips were always so pink and so puffy. She fantasized about how soft they must be. 

“Wow, looks like someone really likes you,” He comments, placing the paper back on her desk. “Do you have a cassette player?”

Y/N didn’t even consider that. Who the hell has a cassette player in the year 2020? Apparently, her answer was evident on her face, and Edmund chuckles. He reaches into his bag and pulls out a walkman and a pair of earbuds. 

“Here, you can have mine. I got a new one last month and I don’t really use this one as much.”

Oh, Edmund has a cassette player in the year 2020. 

Y/N smiled, taking the player from his hand. “Thanks, Ed.”

“Wouldn’t want you to miss out on those songs. Whoever made that has good taste, you’re lucky.” 

~

When Y/N got home tonight, she took out her walkman. It sat easily in her palm, just big enough for the cassette to fit inside. On the bottom, “E.P.” was scratched into the plastic. She smiled and put her mixtape inside. 

As she listened, she couldn’t help but let her mind wander to Edmund. They had grown much closer in the past few months, even going lengths to hang out outside of school. Y/N learned that not only was Edmund extremely intelligent, but he was the funniest person Y/N had ever met. He always had a sarcastic comeback or joke to offer her, no matter the subject. He had also let many of his walls down, letting Y/N get to know him better. It all felt so comfortable and natural. No longer was he just the cute guy from Music Appreciation, but he was the pain in the ass that Y/N had fallen for. And Y/N had fallen hard. 

Against her first impression of the mixtape, Y/N had actually heard all of these songs. After the first day in January, Edmund had lent her his earbuds near-daily and she would listen to whatever he played for her. Her eyes widened. 

Why would Edmund carry around a cassette player he didn’t use? And to school for that matter? And the note; it was typed because Edmund had such distinct handwriting! Y/N rewound the cassette and listened to it again. Why didn’t she realize in the moment?

~

“Hello, Y/N,” Edmund greeted in the parking lot the morning, he happened to park next to Y/N. He gripped the coffee in his hand and got his backpack in the trunk. “How are you on this fine morning?”

“Tired, I stayed up, like, half the night listening to that cassette I got yesterday.” Y/N slung her own backpack over her shoulder. He closed his trunk and locked his car. 

“Yeah? And what did you think?” The two started walking towards the building. 

“I thought that the songs all sounded oddly familiar.”

Edmund took a long sip of his coffee. “Like you’ve heard them before?” 

“Mmhm,” Y/N hummed and walked onto campus. She held one of the straps of her backpack as she walked. “Almost as if this dumbass guy I know played them for me a while back,” Y/N’s voice was teasing and light. 

“Yeah? Who is this guy?” Y/N stopped walking and looked up at Edmund. 

“Thanks for the mixtape, Ed.” 

“Whaaaat...just because this guy has great taste in love songs doesn’t mean it was me. I’m flattered though, really,” Edmund took another long sip of his coffee. 

“Oh, what a pity. I actually got excited when I figured out it was you. Considering normal people don’t just carry cassette players in their backpacks. Especially not ones they don’t use anymore.” Y/N’s voice was thick with sarcasm. 

“Excited?”

“Yeah. I’ve kinda liked that Edmund guy for a while, but he doesn’t like me back so…”  

“You like me back?” Edmund was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Yes, babe, I like you back. I have since October since I started letting you borrow my comics,”

Edmund placed his coffee on a bench and pulled Y/N closer to him by the hips. 

“October, huh?” Y/N smiled bashfully at Edmund’s tone but nodded. 

“What? You’re cute, I couldn’t help myself. Plus, now you make me cute mixtapes.”

Edmund leans down and places his lips against hers. They were just as soft as she had imagined. Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers quickly finding the hairs at the nape of his neck. He pulls away and leans his forehead against hers. 

“Be my girlfriend, then?”

“You nerd,” Y/N took a small step forwards and pecked his lips again. “I would love to.”

[girlactionfigure]

Historian of the Ghetto

“Let the world read and know”

Emanuel Ringelblum, the “historian of the Warsaw ghetto,” compiled an extensive archive of documents depicting the everyday life of the ghetto’s doomed inhabitants. The Ringelbaum Archive is the most important eyewitness accounting of the Holocaust to survive the war.

Born in Buczacz, Poland (now Ukraine) in 1900, Emanuel was a bright child and a top student. His native language was Yiddish and although he learned several other languages, he had a special affection for his native tongue and a lifelong interest in Yiddish literature and theater. Emanuel attended Warsaw University, where he studied history, completing his doctoral thesis in 1927 on the Jews of Warsaw during the Middle Ages.

Emanuel worked as a history teacher in multiple Jewish high schools and in 1923 he co-founded the Young Historians Circle, an influential organization that brought together Jewish history teachers and students to advocate for Jewish causes. Two years later he joined YIVO, the preeminent organization for the study and preservation of Jewish European culture. Emanuel published 126 scholarly articles and was recognized as the world’s foremost expert in the history of the Jews of Europe.

As the Nazis rose to power in the early 1930’s, Emanuel started working with international Jewish relief organizations to help refugees by collecting and distributing funds, as well as providing emotional support. The American Joint Distribution Fund sent him to Zbaszyn, a Polish town near the German border where 6000 Jewish refugees from Germany were being held. Germany had expelled them and Poland didn’t want them so the Jews were stateless. Emanuel spent five weeks there, passing up his own opportunity to escape from Europe so that he could help his suffering Jewish brothers and sisters.

When Germany invaded Poland in 1939, Emanuel described it as “a wave of evil rolled over the whole city.” He became the leader of Aleynilf (Self Help), a group that provided Jews with tools to survive in an increasingly hostile environment. In 1940, Emanuel and his family – his wife Yehudit and small son Uri – were forced into a squalid ghetto, along with all the other Jewish inhabitants of Warsaw. Every city with a Jewish population soon had its own ghetto.

As the days, weeks, and months passed, conditions grew steadily worse. Emanuel wrote, “No day was like the preceding. Images succeeded one another with cinematic speed.” The necessities of life became increasingly scarce – running water, electricity, medical supplies and most critically of all, food. Every day people died of starvation or illness, and there was no way to bury them. Rotting bodies, many of them children, lay in the street.

Emanuel decided to write about life in the ghetto. It was the most important story he would ever tell. He encouraged other inhabitants to write their own testimonies, recording history as it happened. During the day Emanuel wandered the ghetto collecting information, stories and data, and he wrote at night. Emanuel defined the mission: “It must all be recorded with not a single fact omitted. And when the time comes – as it surely will – let the world read and know what the murderers have done.” He knew that the archive would likely be the only testimony about what had happened to the Jews of Poland. It was especially important for him to preserve documents in Yiddish as he feared there would be nobody left to speak his beloved native tongue.

Contributors included writers, rabbis, teachers, social workers, artists, children, and Jews of all ages and backgrounds. They knew they were doomed and the pain was even sharper because all their friends and family were also doomed – leaving nobody behind to remember them. Emanuel’s project was a chance to not be forgotten. The material submitted included essays, diaries, letters, drawings, poetry, music, stories, dark humor, recipes and more. It was an extensive chronicle of ghetto life.

The archive was called Oneg Shabbos – “Pleasure of Shabbat” – because the contributors met on Saturdays to share their writings and discuss their progress. Journalistic ethics were important to Emanuel. “Many-sidedness was the main principle of our work. Objectivity was our other guiding principle. We aspired to reveal the whole truth, as bitter as it may be.” The Oneg Shabbos documents were kept in large milk jars and buried in three different places.

The first document was a poem by Wladyslaw Szlengel called “Telephone” about his apartment building’s last working phone. “With my heart broken and sick/ I think: let me ring/someone on the other side…/and suddenly I realize: my God there/is actually no one to call….”

Hunger was ever-present in the ghetto, and a common theme in the documents is the desperate yearning for food. Leyb Goldin wrote, “It’s you and your stomach. It’s your stomach and you. It’s 90 percent your stomach and a little bit you… Each day the profiles of our children, of our wives, acquire the mourning look of foxes, dingoes, kangaroos. Our howls are like the cry of jackals…The world’s turning upside down. A planet melts in tears. And I – I am hungry, hungry. I am hungry.” (August 1941)

“What we were unable to cry out and shriek to the world, we buried in the ground.” – David Graber, 19

“Sometimes I worry that these terrible pictures of the life we are looking at every day will die with us, like pictures of a panic on a sinking ship. So, let the witness be our writing.” – Rachel Auerbach

“I do not ask for any thanks, for any memorial, for any praise. I only wish to be remembered. I wish my wife to be remembered, Gele Seksztajn. I wish my little daughter to be remembered. Margalit is 20 months old today.” – Israel Lichtenstein

The Oneg Shabbos archive ended in 1943, when the ghetto was liquidated and its inhabitants sent to the gas chambers of Treblinka. Emanuel, his wife Yehudit and son Uri managed to escape before the deportations started and went into hiding. However, in March 1944 their hiding place was discovered. The family was forced outside at gunpoint and executed.

Only three of the 60+ contributors to the Oneg Shabbos archive survived the war. Rachel Auerbach led the search for the buried archive, and her team was able to discover two of the caches, which became known as the Dead Sea Scrolls of the ghetto. The third cache has never been found.

For making sure the murdered Jews of Warsaw would not be forgotten, we honor Emanuel Ringelblum as this week’s Thursday Hero.

Explore the Ringelblum Archive

[niksixx]

New Generation: Meet the Kids

I know many of you have been waiting patiently for anything New Generation related, and I am happy to say I have finally completed a list of the NG kids! I hope you enjoy reading about my little characters, and I can’t wait to write a few little stories about them. 

A few shoutouts first. To all of you who have contributed to the characters’ personalities by sending in messages to my inbox, thank you. You have all made this series possible. I did my best to incorporate my own vision of the NG kids as well as your ideas to create something fun for us all. Second, a big shoutout to @pepeu-stuff for inspiring me. They have gone out of their way to draw a few characters (Farrah, Ezra, etc.) with their own interpretation and have inspired some of the traits for my characters. I truly cherish all of you, and I hope you enjoy the NG kids as much as I do.

A/N: Also, this is just a fanfiction. I tried my best to incorporate Crüe’s and GNR’s personalities into their ‘children’ but we all know kids can 100% be completely different from their parents. 🤗

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meet the Sixx Kids

Nash Sixx 

Nash Sixx is the nineteen-year-old son of Nikki Sixx. He has dark hair and blue eyes with specks of green and a jawline most men would kill for. Like his father, he has an outgoing personality and a killer smirk that’s manipulated people into giving him what he wants more than once. He’s a college student that is studying music education, as he would like to be a music teacher. One of his best friends is Declan Rose, and he’s taught Declan a few tips and tricks when it comes to schmoozing the ladies. He’s also a big partier, and loves having his friends and cousins over to his college apartment. Nash’s favorite pastime though is sitting around the bonfire, glass of whiskey in his hand, while his father tells him stories of life on the road with Mötley Crüe.  

Harlow Sixx 

Harlow Sixx is the six-year-old daughter of Nikki Sixx. She has dark brown hair with clear blue eyes and free-spirited energy. Harlow and Penelope Lee are a package deal and will go nowhere without each other. She’s creative by nature, and sometimes will paint during rainy days. For a six year-old, Harlow is ridiculously intelligent. And just like her father, she has interests in photography and art.

Colby Sixx

Colby Sixx is the two-year-old son of Nikki Sixx. He has Nikki’s natural light brown hair and light blue-gray eyes. He loves finger painting with his sister, playing with toy cars, and putting together puzzles. 

Meet the Lee Kids 

Penelope ‘Penny’ Lee

Penelope ‘Penny’ Lee is the five-year-old daughter of Tommy Lee. She’s a little girl with wavy brown hair (usually in pigtails with little bows attached), big brown eyes, a love for bright pink tutus, and has a bubbly, outgoing personality. She’s the spitting image of her father, and she has him wrapped around her tiny little finger. Penny Lee enjoys her dolls, her teddy bears, and tea parties. She’s been raised to be an independent child and loves exploring nature and making pretty flower bouquets. Penelope can be friends with anyone, and at five-years-old, she’s already shutting down the bullies who make fun of the other kids at preschool.

Meet the Mars Kids

Dillion Mars 

Dillon Mars is the seventeen-year-old son of Mick Mars. He’s tall, lanky, with soft brown hair, blue eyes, and a sarcastic attitude. He’s not as quiet as his father, but he has his moments. Dillion tries not to take life too seriously, which is why he and Isaac Stradlin get along extremely well. Dillion has no interest in school, although he’s extremely smart in math and science. He’s president of his school’s mathletes club though he was pressured by his teachers and hates disappointing others. Most of his time is spent on the living room aimlessly playing his guitar,  Luckily, Dillon did not inherit his father’s bone disease, but he is a huge vodka drinker and occasionally will smoke cigarettes with the Stradlin twins and Ryan McKagan.

Meet the Neil Kids 

Katerina ‘Kat’ Neil 

Katerina ‘Kat’ Neil is the eighteen-year-old daughter of Vince Neil. Kat’s thin blonde hair is usually styled straight or into two space buns on the top of her head with a few pieces framing her face. Green eyes the color of emeralds, she’s the chick every girl wants to be, and the girl every guy wants to be with. Katerina is friendly to all, but she’ll never let anyone take advantage of her kindness. As a senior in high school, she takes pride in being the captain of the cheerleading team, a lead choreographer in the dance club, and the president of the drama club. While the most popular girl in high school could have any boy she wanted, there’s only one boy that Katerina has ever been interested in. Unfortunately, that boy is Declan Rose, the son of her father’s arch enemy, Axl Rose. 

Carson Neil

Carson Neil is the fifteen-year-old son of Vince Neil. Carson’s shoulder length blonde hair resembles his father’s, and he was gifted with a singing voice that could cure the world’s problems. He’s mature for his age, which is why most of his friends are a few years older than him. Carson can be a bit stuck up though and a bit of a prima donna. When he’s not busy rehearsing lines for his school's theater productions, Carson is confined to his room blasting Aerosmith, Ozzy Osborne, and writing his own lyrics to songs he’ll never share. 

~~~

Meet the Rose Kids

Declan Rose 

Declan Rose is the eighteen-year-old son of Axl Rose. He’s the spitting image of his father, except with shorter ginger hair with longer pieces framing his freckled face. Declan is unique in the fact that he refuses to follow in his father’s footsteps. While he enjoys listening to rock and his father’s old vinyl collection, Declan prefers hip-hop and rap music, much to his father’s dismay. Like Axl, Declan is extremely intelligent, and would decide to major in philosophy or psychology in college. He also does have his father’s temper, and while sometimes his father was misunderstood, Declan is lucky to have Katerina Neil around. She calms him down and supports his true personality, even if they have to keep their relationship hidden from their parents. 

Easton Rose 

Easton Rose is the eight-year-old son of Axl Rose. Easton was lucky enough to inherit his father’s hair color, but instead of the long locks, Easton’s hair is shorter and usually styled with gel. The eight-year-old is as stubborn as they come with a hyper and fiery personality to match his hair. He’s an athletic young boy who is also extremely personable and will talk to anyone. He’s impatient, especially when he wants his older brother Declan to help him with homework or play baseball in the backyard with his best friends Logan Adler and Hunter McKagan. Easton is a little flirt and has no problem charming ladies of any age. Easton also has a big crush on his brother’s girlfriend, Kat. 

Calla Rose 

Calla Rose is the five-year-old daughter of Axl Rose, and she is the queen of the household. Calla is the only child with blonde hair, but every now and again Axl dyes pieces of her pink (with temporary spray on hair color of course) to match the large gemstone on the tiara she wears around the house. Calla Rose is quite shy around other people, and it takes her a good twenty minutes before she’s able to muster up the courage to play with other children in preschool. Axl Rose is fully wrapped around his daughter’s finger, and it’s not shocking to catch them in the midst of coloring, ballet dancing, or playing with dolls. 

Willa Rose 

Willa Rose is the four-month-old daughter of Axl Rose. She’s a chubby baby with ginger hair and big hazel eyes. She loves making faces at her big sister and listening to her daddy as he sings her to sleep at night. 

Meet the McKagan Kids 

Ryan McKagan 

Ryan McKagan is the sixteen-year-old son of Duff McKagan. If teenage girls could use one word to describe this boy, it’s this: heartthrob. He’s tall with wavy blonde hair and a welcoming smile, it’s no wonder the girls in high school drool over him. Ryan can be found exercising (as he’s a hockey player) or running around his neighborhood five days out of the week. Ryan does smoke cigarettes and drinks on occasion, much to his father’s disapproval. Ryan tries not to take life too seriously and would have definitely picked up on some of his dad’s lame jokes. Around his neck is the letter ‘F’ attached to a gold chain as it’s the first initial of his girlfriend’s name, Farrah. Even if they have a rough relationship (thanks to Ryan being a typical flirt around other girls) he’s confident Farrah is the girl for him, so he never takes the necklace off. While Ryan didn’t necessarily inherit many of his father’s traits, what he did receive is the ability to sing. His father has taught him how to play guitar, and they’ll sit on the porch outside in the fall, singing and strumming to Guns N’ Roses old songs.

Hunter McKagan

Hunter is the seven-year-old son of Duff McKagan. Hunter’s hair is darker than his older brother’s, but lightens up in the sun. The seven-year-old boy loves to swim and skateboard (lessons are provided for free by Dillon Mars, Issac Stradlin, and Ezra Hudson), and he’s an absolute terror when he chases his family around the house shooting Nerf gun darts at them. He’s also the reason Duff cannot find his cowboy hats, as Hunter will usually steal them and wear them throughout the day. 

Meet the Hudson Kids 

Ezra Hudson 

Ezra Hudson is the eighteen-year-old son of Saul ‘Slash’ Hudson. Ezra is a bit shorter than his father, and yet could be his brother. Ezra was blessed with the most beautiful curls, and unlike his father he usually keeps them out of his face with headbands or ponytails. Ezra doesn’t have just one style, either. Somedays, he’ll dress head to toe in leather. Other days he prefers flannels and jeans, or button ups and khakis. Ezra is definitely a gamer. He also enjoys hiking, fishing, and hunting. He’s also into music, but is still learning how to play acoustic guitar. College is not in the cards for Ezra, as his dream is to form his own band. As for Ezra’s love life, he’s a total chick magnet. Unfortunately, he’s invisible to the only girl he wants: Isabel Stradlin. 

Mali Hudson 

Mali is the six-year-old daughter of Saul ‘Slash’ Hudson. She and her sister Maya were also blessed with their father’s glorious curly hair, and they’re damn proud of it. Mali’s hair is only to her shoulders, which is how you can tell twin from twin. At just six-years-old, little Mali has a plethora of hobbies such as origami, bracelet making, and flower pressing. Many of her crafts are given to either her parents or Farrah Adler. 

Maya Hudson

Maya is the six-year-old daughter (also the oldest twin between herself and Mali) of Saul ‘Slash’ Hudson. Maya has no problem wearing identical outfits with her sister, but their personalities couldn’t be more opposite. Maya loves to wrestle with her older brother and cousins (especially Declan who refuses to wrestle back for fear of hurting her) as well as having interests in dinosaurs, rock climbing, karate, and reptiles (she convinced her family to adopt two snakes and a lizard). 

Meet the Stradlin Kids 

Isaac Stradlin 

Issac Stradlin is the seventeen-year-old son of Izzy Stradlin. With dark shaggy hair, bright eyes, sharp jaw and toned body, Isaac comes off as intimidating at first glance. He can be intense about the things he is passionate about (music, poetry, history) but more often than not Isaac is laidback and easygoing. Isaac’s musical knowledge comes from what his father has taught him through the years, and he’s incredibly talented when it comes to playing instruments such as guitar, drums, keyboard, flute, and trumpet. He doesn’t particularly enjoy his father’s dark and gloomy style of dress that includes black jeans, black button ups, and even black hats, as he feels more comfortable in sweatpants and tank tops. As Isaac is the only boy that doesn’t mind babysitting and playing with the little girls, he has accidentally found himself a fan club whose members consist of Penny Lee, Calla Rose, Harlow Sixx, and twins Mali and Maya Hudson. 

Isabel Stradlin 

Isabel Stradlin is the seventeen-year-old daughter of Izzy Stradlin and the younger of the two between her and her twin brother, Isaac. Isabel marches to the beat of her own drum and has what most would call a ‘bone to pick with the world’ attitude. Isabel has had many different styles, but her current wardrobe is grunge. Isabel considers herself a humanitarian, constantly joining in protests while simultaneously volunteering at homeless shelters and soup kitchens. Because of her compassionate heart, it’s no secret that she and Farrah Adler are inseparable. Isabel would inherit her father’s artistic ability, but her art would range from pottery to graffiti portraits. 

Meet the Adler Kids 

Farrah Adler 

Farrah Adler is the sixteen-year-old daughter of Steven Adler. Her blonde hair is mostly straight with a few layers here and there, and she has the same vibrant and playful eyes as her father. Farrah’s style is mostly hippie influenced (but on occasion she can rock a leather jacket and bandana), and she has more of a laid back personality, something she absolutely did NOT get from her dad. As someone who treasures the beauty of the Earth and its creatures, Farrah would join in rallies such as ‘save the sea turtles’ and volunteer at animal hospitals, where she discovered her calling as a veterinarian. Oh, and she’s 100% vegetarian. Farrah has a peaceful aura, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that she enjoys yoga, astrology, essential oils, journaling, and smoking weed. She also has an on-again-off-again relationship with Ryan McKagan, who she drags to many wildlife rallies.

Logan Adler 

Logan Adler is the nine-year-old son of Steven Adler. He has wavy blonde hair past his neck, playful gray eyes, and a love for drumming. Logan inherited his father’s happy-go-lucky spirit, and loves to meddle into his sister’s business when he’s not playing sports or building legos. He definitely is the class clown and loves being the center of attention, which usually results in him being sent to the principal’s office. He’s a jokester, a prankster, and loves getting into trouble.

[iidascalves]

New transfer (Momo x F! reader)

Hello!!! Lately I’ve been in my gay feels so I wrote this up. After seeing Momo in the most recent chapter, I couldn’t resist. I LOVE HER!! Anyway, I hope everyone is good haha. If there’s something you’d like to see please send me an ask :) I kind of liked writing this so if I’m bored in the future I might do a part two.

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The cold air of September ran through the station, getting chillier as your train eased to a stop. You played your music and shuffled onto the train along with other commuters. The plastic of your phone case only insulated the heat on your clammy palms. You were haunted by anxiety and anticipation for your arrival at UA.

You were a transferring from another, less popular hero school in the Ito prefecture. The reason for your transfer was that both your teachers and parents believed that UA would better suit your education needs. You were not only top of the class, but also in possession of a very powerful quirk that you developed and honed at an incredible pace.

Your quirk was essentially the ability to manipulate metal. You called it ‘metal’ and chose the hero name ‘Hardware’. Your quirk was useful not only in an urban setting but almost anywhere. If there is a substance that is classified as a metal, you have control of it. Because of your quirk, you took the UA entrance exam by storm. Your parents first recommended this transfer when you showed them you could move the iron in your blood. You made one of your fingers turn blue in order to show them your new trick. Instead of impressed reactions and praise you were met with fear. Despite how much they loved and cared for you, they couldn’t help but fear what they weren’t ready to understand.

Their unwillingness to adapt to change also prompted you to avoid coming out to them. You knew you liked girls. And that was something you were okay with keeping to yourself, for now.

You pulled out an earbud to listen to what stop was approaching. You recognized the name and got ready to depart. You loved your phone and headphones into your backpack and clenched the straps. You couldn’t remember the last time you were this nervous.

The new term started a week ago. Despite the work they sent you, you would still be behind on lessons. You had no idea who your classmates were and if they would even like you. Probably not. Would you get bullied? Are the other kids stronger than you? Will you be the weakest? Was this a mistake?

Your thoughts swarmed as you were carried off the train by the crowd of commuters. Before starting up the sidewalk you took an envelops out of your bag. It contained your class information, directions, and your UA student ID. You stuffed the envelope under your arm and booked it to UA. You were told to get there early so the teacher could give you a run down of things. You tried to focus on your surroundings instead of your worries.

Before long you could see looming blue archway. The gold letters ‘UA’ glittered in the early morning sun.  You spotted three figures waiting for you at the enterance. Curiosity caused your footsteps to quicken.

The three spotted you as you approached and one came barreling towards you in a terrifying speed walk. “You must be our new classmate. Please allow me to introduce myself! My name is Iida Tenya and I am the class president of class 1-A.” His booming voice and large stature made you flinch. “I look forward to working with you!” He did a rigid bow to you and straightened up immediately. You swallowed tensely before carefully replying.

“My name is (L/n) (F/n). I look forward to working with you.” After you returned his bow your eyes moved to the other two figures accompanying him. There was a ragged looking man who seemed severely sleep deprived. You recognized him as the hero Eraserhead.

The sight to his right made your breath hitch. She was easily one of the most beautiful girls you had ever seen. She already was smiling at you kindly. Her dark eyes twinkled in an inviting and charming way. Her hands were folded in front of her, resting on her skirt. You could hardly take your eyes off her. Your heart kept as her melodic voice flowed from her welcoming smile.

“My name is Yaoyorozu Momo. I’m the vice- president of class 1-A.” She bent at the waist to give you an elegant bow. “I’m looking forward to getting to know you.” Her posture returned to the polished way she was standing before. You wiped your damp palms on your skirt and took a sharp inhale of courage.

“(L/n) (F/n).” You returned her bow as a way to hide the blush on your cheeks. “Thank you for your warm welcome.” Upon straightening back up you were greeted with her bright smile. You were planning on staring at it forever when Eraserhead spoke up.

“We spoke through e-mails but we haven’t been formally introduced. I’m Aizawa. I’ll be your teacher.” His posture was relaxed. With his hands in his pockets and his posture slouched. “Yaoyorozu will give you a tour of the dorms tomorrow when you move in. Today we will introduce you to campus and the rest of your classmates.”

“Thank you, Sensei.” You bowed to him and he nodded in return.

“Let’s get into the school. Other students should be getting here soon.” Aizawa started towards the elaborate building and left you, Tenya, and Momo to trail behind. Your head tilted up to gaze at the full height of the massive school building.

————————————————————

“Class. As you’ve noticed we have gained a new student. We’ll do quick introductions and then get into classwork.”

Aizawa shuffled from behind the podium and retreated to his desk. Upon sitting down he draped a yellow sleeping bag around his shoulders and watched you walk up the isle to the podium. The eyes of your classmates made your cheeks ignite. Your sweaty hands gripped the sides of the podium as you tried to find a way to speak through the knot in your throat. You scanned your new surrounding and met the eyes of Yaoyorozu. Her soft smile melted your worries. There was something so calming about her presence that even a look from her provided you with assurance.

“My name is (L/n) (F/n). I’m originally from the Ito prefecture but transferred here after the first semester of my old school. I look forward to meeting you all.” You have a small bow to your new classmates.

“What’s your quirk?” Your eyes snapped to the blonde haired guy in the back who practically growled the question at you.

“I can manipulate metal.” You weren’t sure how to respond. This seemed to satisfy the angry bastard.

“Sounds weak.” He slouched further into his seat and smirked. Tenya swiveled in his chair and outfield a stiff hand towards the boy.

“Bakugou- kun. Please have some respect for our new peer.” Tenya seemed tense. Was this guy always this exsausting?

“Just calling em’ like I see em’.” He shifted his slumped posture. You didn’t care what else he had to say and made your way to your seat. “Not even gonna argue.” He muttered.

You heard the noise of a small shuffle as Momo turned in her seat towards Bakugou. “How do you know her quirk is weak if you’ve never seen her in action?”. Momo waited for a reply.

Bakugou scoffed and looked out the window. Momo pointed herself forward. She then turned to you and you gave each other a bright smile.

After she faced the board once again you felt your face turn red. ‘That was…. kind of hot…’ You thought to yourself.

Your heart fluttered over the image of her smile as it replayed in your head the rest of the class period.

Once the bell rang, you knew lunch was next on the schedule. Due to your anxiety of the first day, you had memorized your schedule. You picked your bag up from the floor and scooted your chair out. A small elbow appeared on your desk. A classmate was leaning on your desk, head propped up on his elbow. His smug face was accompanied by greasy purple hair that looked like balls stuck to his head.

“Can I help you?” You asked. He kept eyeing you. You rose from your seat and slung your bag over your shoulder.

“Looking for a boyfriend? Don’t worry about not being my type. I like all kinds of girls.” He winked at you. You felt your face contort with disgust.

You were so appalled all you could muster out was “Ew.” Your response brought tears to his eyes and he retreated to the back of the classroom.

“Oh, (L/n)-san. Don’t mind him.” You heard Momo’s angelic voice from beside you. “Want to come eat with me an some of the girls? I’ll introduce you to them better.” Her radiant smile gave you no option but to say yes.

“Yeah! I’d love to. Thanks Yaoyorozu -san.” You gave her your best smile.

————————————————————

After a long first day, you had to go home and rest up for your move- in day. You still had to try to remember everyone’s names.

Because of your unfamiliarity with the area, you still had out your directions from this morning.

“(L/n)-san!” Your head turned to the source. It was Momo. “How was your first day?” She fell into step beside you.

“It went much better than I expected. You were a huge help, of course.” You noticed her cheeks held a hint of pink and her face wore an excited smile.

“It’s the least I could do! It’s part of my role as the vice- president, after all. Did you enjoy meeting the others?”

You had not only met the girls during lunch but a few of the guys as well. Many were kind enough to come up and say hello. Kirihsima and Shoji offered to do the heavy lifting for you tomorrow. And the girls promised you a welcome dinner with boardgames and a movie.

“Everyone is so nice. Thanks for introducing me.” Her smile grew warmer and she slowed to a stop. You paused and stood beside her.

“I’m so glad your first day went well. I’ll give you my number in case you need anything.” She fisted around in her backpack for a slop of paper and scribbled her number. She held it out to you and met your eyes with a warm smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow for your move in day. I have to head back to the dorms now.”

“Thanks for your help, Yaoyorozu- san.” The paper was clenched gently in your fist as you smiled at the beautiful girl in front of you.

“Please call me Momo!” She waved her hand as to say ‘no big deal’. She made your heart flutter.

“Sure thing! And please call me (y/n).” You stood for a second, just beaming at each other. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Momo.”

“See you tomorrow, (y/n).” While waving goodbye, you watched her turn around and walk further onto campus to the dorms. A wave of happy excitement flew through your body in anticipation of seeing her again.

[cadence-talle]

Lavender-Inked Silence

Pairing: Fitz Vacker/Keefe Sencen

Wordcount: 1,883

Summary: Peer grading isn’t fun by any measure, but they can trust each other not to judge. And it’s nice, having a little note to look at before he goes home and has to explain to his father why he only got a 95 on the science test. 

(Keefe keeps all these notes in a box under his bed, ripping them out of tests and rereading them when he can’t sleep. He’s not quite sure why, but they help.)

(There are quite a lot of notes, over the years.)

Notes: Thanks to @loverofallthingssmart for the prompt and @vibing-in-the-void for betaing! (Also for coming up with the title “a for effort, g for gay”, which is the best thing i’ve ever heard. 

Taglist: @everyonehasthoughts, @clearlykeefitz, @loverofallthingssmart, @a-lonely-tatertot, @enbies-and-felonies, @molly-sencen, @lemontarto, @appalyneinstitute1, @ruewen-and-rising, @silver-snow, @linhamon-roll, @hyperlollypop, @never-ever-too-many-fandoms, @keeper-of-the-lost-queers, @impostertamsong, @vibing-in-the-void, @yeetersofthelostcities, @mistythegirlfluxmess, @diamond-dreamerr, @we-have-no-bananas-today, @an-absolute-travesty

(Sometimes, there are words that can’t be understood.)

Spelling tests are, in Keefe’s opinion, the worst thing in the world. 

Some words are easy; “fan”, for example, or “kitten”. They’re written exactly how they sound, so Keefe has no problem with them. It’s only with others that he gets tripped up, the extra vowels and unnecessary consonants, combined with Keefe’s terrible spelling, twisting words into unrecognizable shapes. 

The worst part is, he knows most of these words- he’s seen them in books his father has made him read. He can see the letters in his mind, can see the definition of the word. When he tries to write them down, though, it turns into something completely different. 

“Neither,” the teacher says, walking slowly around the room. “Neither. ‘Not the one nor the other of two people or things; not either’. Neither.”

Niether, Keefe writes, then scribbles it out and changes it to netheir. That doesn’t look right either, but the teacher has already moved on. 

“All right, last one,” she calls as Keefe adds a bill and tiny feet to the duck he’s doodled earlier. “Beer. ‘An alcoholic drink made from yeast-fermented malt flavored with hops.’ Beer.”

To be quite honest, Keefe is pretty sure he knows how to spell beer. Although, with everything he’s learned about spelling, it’s very possible there’s another vowel in there somewhere. Maybe an a? 

But that would be bear, and time’s running out. 

Baer, he scribbles down just as the teacher comes to collect his paper. She gives it a cursory glance, raising an eyebrow in an expression that reminds Keefe of his father. “We’ll be partner-grading these,” she says cooly. “So when you get someone else’s test, I’ll put the answers on the board and you can mark which ones are wrong.”

Keefe sighs a little, tapping the edge of his desk with his pencil. He’s positive he got almost everything wrong, and now one of his classmates will know too. 

Figures. 

He corrects the (few) errors on the test he’s given angrily, not even glancing at the name on the top until he’s done. When he does, his stomach drops a little. 

Fitzroy A. Vacker, the signature at the top reads. Fitz; one of the best students in their class, so well known he can’t walk down the hall without being high-fived. And if Keefe has his test, that means-

“Here you go.” Keefe’s test drops back onto his desk, the other boy appearing next to him. Wordlessly, Keefe hands him his test. Fitz nods and walks back to his seat, and Keefe picks up the paper. 

It’s not as bad as he was expecting. He made a lot of mistakes, true- apparently beer is not, in fact, spelled with an a- but there are no rude comments. Just corrections made in light purple pen. 

And in the corner, next to Keefe’s halfhearted doodle of a duck, is a little note. 

I like your drawing, it says, and then, you’re a really good artist. 

You’re a really good artist. 

No one’s ever said that to Keefe. Art isn’t a thing he’s good at, because it’s not a thing he does for fun- it’s not a thing he’s allowed to do for fun. 

But here, out of the blue, this compliment from someone he barely knows because he drew a stupid duck.

Keefe stares at the paper and smiles. 

(He doesn’t know, not yet. But this, in the form of a lavender-inked note on a spelling test, is the start of something amazing.)

-/-

He doesn’t talk to Fitz, of course. That would be stupid. They’re not friends, so no matter how much he’d like to thank the other boy, he doesn’t. He stays silent, keeps to himself, doesn’t ask his father to arrange a playdate. (Father would be overjoyed if he asked. That’s probably why Keefe doesn't.)  

No, he doesn’t do anything until they have a math quiz.

Keefe is actually pretty good at math. Addition and subtraction have always come easy to him, so he breezes through the questions and is done with time to spare. When Fitz’s quiz lands on his desk again, he’s barely even surprised; they’ll probably just be partnered up for the rest of the year. 

He is surprised, though, when the grade comes out to an 85/100. Not bad, but not good either; certainly not what Keefe would have expected for everyone’s favorite Golden Boy.

But then he remembers the way his father had sneered when he’d come home with his spelling test. The hours he’d had to study on a subject he didn’t understand, words swimming in front of his eyes.

Everyone’s bound to have one bad subject. Maybe this is Fitz’s. 

So Keefe puts a little :) next to the grade, writing great job! before standing up and handing it off to Fitz. The other boy looks at the paper, his face scrunching up as he reads the grade then melting into surprise when he sees the note. 

“Thanks,” he says, looking up at Keefe. “You too.”

(Sometimes, there are words that can’t be understood. Things that can’t be said out loud for fear of breaking them.) 

(But Fitz’s smile, right then, speaks volumes.)

-/-

By third grade, Fitz has switched to using a sky blue pen, and by fifth, he’s writing with green. One thing never changes, though- he and Keefe are always in the same class, and they always grade each other’s work. 

It’s more a decision than a teacher-mandated thing. Peer grading isn’t fun by any measure, but they can trust each other not to judge. And it’s nice, having a little note to look at before he goes home and has to explain to his father why he only got a 95 on the science test. 

(Keefe keeps all these notes in a box under his bed, ripping them out of tests and rereading them when he can’t sleep. He’s not quite sure why, but they help.)

(There are quite a lot of notes, over the years.)

CHEMICAL CHANGES QUIZ: Fitzroy A. Vacker, Class 302

98/100. Pretty sure a flame test isn’t setting something on fire, but good job anyway! I drew you a flower in compinsashun so you would feel better. -Keefe

Basic Fractions Worksheet: Keefe S, Class 401 

100/100! You’re so good at math. -Fitz

Exports & Taxation in the American Revolution: Fitz Vacker, Class 503

100/100. This was really good! I couldn’t stop laughing at the sentence “the colonists rebelled by throwing tea in the ocean”, though. -Keefe

(And there are others, too, not written on schoolwork; tiny messages scrawled in the margin of a sheet of paper and folded into a tight square.)

(Blue ones.)

I passed the principal on my way to class. She’s… not happy. Did you really cover her office in paint? -F

They have no proof. -K

(Green ones.)

Hey, can you come over this afternoon? -K

Yeah, sure. What’s up? -F

I just… I don't want to be alone with my parents. They’re always… nicer. When you’re around. -K

Ok. -F

(And in eighth grade, when Fitz has run out of different colors of pens and is back to purple, there are purple ones.)

Are you going to Stina’s party next weekend? -F

I might. If you’re there. -K

(Sometimes, there are words that can’t be understood. Things that can’t be said out loud for fear of breaking them. Of breaking yourself.) 

(There are a lot of messages. None of them mean much.)

(Keefe keeps them anyway.)

-/-

The house is packed, people laughing and whooping over the loud music. The lights are flashing, there’s something suspiciously bitter in the punch, and almost everyone here is a stranger. 

Keefe’s been at this party for five minutes. He already regrets coming. 

In the crowd, someone lets out a high shout. Fitz flinches slightly at Keefe’s side, taking a step closer to the other boy. 

“You want to get out of here?” Keefe murmurs in his ear. Fitz nods and they turn towards the door. 

The diner they stop at on the way home is bright, but the lights are constant and the slowly rotating cheesecake in the display case is as familiar as it is inedible. Keefe breathes a sigh of relief. “That was terrible,” he says, taking a seat at the counter. Fitz laughs. 

“It really was, wasn’t it? I think most of the people there were highschoolers.”

Keefe nods, thanking the man behind the bar who’s handed him a burger. Fitz is drinking a strawberry milkshake.

“Honestly, I don’t want to go to high school if that’s what people are like.”

Fitz raises an eyebrow. “I don’t think you have much of a choice there, unfortunately.”

“Eh, I don’t know.” Keefe takes a bite of his burger, chewing thoughtfully. “I could always just get held back a year. Wouldn’t be too hard, with my track record.”

Fitz laughs again, bright and happy under the fluorescent lights. Keefe watches him, watches the way his eyes crinkle at the corners, the way his nose scrunches up. He’s beautiful. 

Beautiful. Where did that come from? 

(Sometimes, there are words that can’t be understood. Things that can’t be said out loud for fear of breaking them. Of breaking yourself. Sometimes there are realizations under bright-bright lights that you can never say.)

Beautiful.

Hmm. 

Shit. 

-/-

As it turns out, being in love with your best friend isn’t as hard as it sounds. 

Keefe hasn’t managed to get rid of his feelings, by tenth grade, but he’s managed to ignore them. Ignore the way his gut clenches whenever Fitz grins at him, ignore the flush that appears on his cheeks whenever their hands brush. Ignore, ignore, and hope Fitz ignores too. 

There’s less peer-grading in high school. Tests and projects are more important now, so the teachers grade them in most of his classes. 

Except in Spanish, because apparently the teacher just doesn’t care.

Keefe marks the last incorrect verb conjugation on Fitz’s test, doodling a tiny heart in the paper’s margin and handing the paper to the boy sitting across the aisle from him. Fitz glances at it, eyes narrowing slightly. Keefe knows that look- that’s his determined look. 

He’s not quite sure why Fitz would have something to prove right now, though. He scored a solid 97. Unless-

Shaking his head, Keefe forcefully directs that train of thought.

It comes crashing back in just a second, though, when Fitz hands him his graded test. 

100! It says at the top in purple pen. Do you want to get dinner with me? 

Keefe glances up and towards the other boy, who’s staring at the board as if it contains the secrets of the universe instead of the quiz answers. With shaking fingers, he writes a single word and passes the paper back. 

(Sometimes, there are words that can’t be understood. Things that can’t be said out loud for fear of breaking them. Of breaking yourself. Sometimes there are realizations under bright-bright lights that you can never say.)

(And sometimes, there are notes written in multicolored pens, years and years of silent conversations. A message on top of a Spanish quiz that promises something amazing. Sometimes, there is a word, unspoken but still heard.)

Yes. 

(Sometimes, a lavender-inked note is all you need.)

[hectabdr]

Dragon Raja IV - Chapters 3 & 4 (Abridged)

Hi everyone, continuing with today's chapters, these are centered around Nono and Caesar and their lives after he returned from Japan.

Previous chapters

Chapter 3

Mediterranean Sea, Republic of Malta.

The Island of Frefra is mostly an ecological reserve, there is a white building on top of a natural harbor with luxury yachts and sailing boats. Tourists and locals have always been interested in knowing more about its residents, but the government is very secretive about it. It is well protected against binoculars and often, music can be heard coming from the inside. Girls in white dresses walk around it and they're known as the "Iris girls".

At 5:45 am, a rotating alarm clock started playing a terrible heavy metal song, making its way through fashion magazines and snacks, it ran around the bedroom of Chen Motong, who finally trapped it and took its batteries out.

She slept for another 20 minutes and woke up in a hurry. She had classes to attend. Cooking lessons, Japanese tea ceremonies, British literature and music appreciation, amongst other things. This was the Golden Iris Shuyuan Academy. It was meant to educate Nono on how to live among nobility.

She arrived late at the breakfast table only to realize the other girls were betting on her punctuality. After she accepted Caesar's proposal, he took her to Rome to meet his relatives, some of which were more than 300 years old, they left their cryogenic beds and unexpectedly blessed their marriage (after evaluating her from head to toes). Nono's own family was rich and powerful, known as the Black Prince Group. After both families signed the marriage contract, they agreed to make Nono drop out of Cassell to take a years-long bridal training in the Shuyuan Academy.

During her dancing lessons, a yawning Nono was the only one who couldn't keep up with the rhythm, prompting her teacher to whip her foot.

At her cooking class, she kept eating bits off her dish, leaving almost nothing for the teacher to evaluate.

She managed to succeed on her tea ceremony while her boredom made her toes fight each other behind her back. She was distracted during literature and used her profiling skill to cheat on her analysis of classical music.

She unwillingly started regretting the moment she accepted the marriage proposal, but not because of Caesar, it was all about the life that awaited her. The lessons were relentless and the academy was isolated from the outside world. She didn't sleep enough because she used her Cassell training to sneak out at 10:00 pm to swim by the beach, that was the only time in her day when she felt truly free.

She toyed frequently with her obnoxious alarm clock, it was a gift from her old classmate, Luminous. On her last birthday, he casually carried a backpack with him all day, it was pretty obvious that he was preparing to give her a gift, which he nervously did, and he was the only person who dared to do so, as everyone else felt intimidated by Caesar.

She knew about Luminous's feelings for her. All of the male classmates who liked her could easily fill the whole cafeteria. Luminous was just one of them. She considered herself a passer-by in his life, thinking some girls of his age (like Zero) would be a better match for him. One day he'd mention it as a thing of the past and they would both laugh about it.

She hoped to finish the bridal course in months, but it had already been a year. She brought mostly books but she quickly ran out of things to read.

Suddenly, she realized someone was hiding in her bedroom, right after the cleaning lady left. The intruder took one of her books and a bag from her secret stash of potato chips. She turned off the lights and grabbed a knife, more excited than scared, she searched for the thief.

After finding nothing, she remembered her bathtub, and there he was, asleep with the missing book on his face and a bag of chips in his belly. She punched him in the stomach. A patrolling Nun showed up, concerned, Nono hid the intruder in the tub and pretended to take a bath. If someone found Luminous in her room, they would accuse Nono of having an affair.

The nun searched the whole place with a revolver but couldn't find anyone, before leaving, she had a conversation with Nono about her situation in the academy, specifically her wish to leave. In the lady's words, "Her soul seemed to lag behind her body". Luminous finally understood that she was there to become the perfect bride. When the nun left, Nono scolded him for his presence, she realized he looked different, he was clearly taking care of himself, better dressed, he definitely had a better haircut. He also thought she looked somehow different, more elegant, but exhausted.

His stomach roared, breaking a long awkward silence and she took him out to steal some food for him. They took wine from the cellar, along with some ham and cheese.

-Sister, do you know Johann Chu? -Maybe, was he your boyfriend or did he just owe you money?

Luminous explained his situation to her: he decided to go with the school's psychologist, professor Toyama, who diagnosed him as schizophrenic. Toyama attempted to erase Johann off his memory, but Luminous responded by making a scene and drawing out his desert eagles. He tried to track Johann in everyone else's memories but his missing classmate didn't have many friends.

Anjou couldn't remember him either. Back during Luminous's second year, there was no trial against a Blood Rage user, Frost Gattuso only accused the principal for his terrible administration. The rollercoaster incident happened way after they finished their ride with Shavee. Anjou gave Luminous the location of Chen Motong, telling him to use her profiling ability to find some clues.

However, Nono also believed Luminous had schizophrenia and convinced him to stop his search and look for treatment instead. Luminous lamented his condition and how he couldn't trust the world he lived in anymore, however, despite how enticing it was to forget Johann and go back to the real world, he felt his brother was still out there, waiting to be saved, but everyone forgot about him. Nono couldn't do much for him in his situation.

-Years ago, you were not the president of the Student Union, but a scared boy that I rescued from a theater. Now that you don't trust the world anymore, you came back to me. How many more times do you think I'll be here to save you?

Suddenly, a security guard noticed the candle they lit in the cellar. Nono didn't know how to react, but someone broke a bottle of wine on the guard's head and knocked him down. It was Finger, who informed Luminous that now he was wanted by Cassell, as they thought he was an undercover agent sent by the Dragon Raja.

Apparently, on the same night that Luminous left the college, someone entered the Ice cellar and stole Constantine's skeleton, severely injuring principal Anjou in the process. The only student with such clearance and power was the S-Rank himself.

Agents of the Execution Bureau went looking for Finger in Cuba, so he buried them in a tobacco field, with their heads out, of course.

Nono urged them to understand the seriousness of what it meant to be hunted by the secret party, which essentially made them targets of the whole world. They could leave no traces for Norma to track down. She considered there were three possibilities:

1- Luminous was insane.

2- He was an undercover agent sent by the dragon raja all along.

3- He was the only person in the world who was't hypnotized.

The only being who could be responsible for the third option is the white dragon king. Its skeleton was never recovered. Their only option was to travel with Luminous in secret to track down any trace that Johann might have left in the world before he disappeared.

-I really hope my brother is alive... -True Love! Said Finger and Nono in unison.

Finger then urged them both to leave and "go save the world" but Nono refused to leave. She had a responsibility with her family and with Caesar. As Luminous turned around and started walking, Finger stunned her, urging Luminous to help him carry her outside.

Chapter 4

Caesar Gattuso was sitting down in a church. This was the anniversary of his mother's death, so he wore a suit, drove a Harley Davidson motorcycle on his way there and brought her a bouquet of white flowers.

When he was younger, she bought him a miniature bike, she also loved to see him wearing little suits. Most of Caesar's style was based on her taste, he thought that would please her while she watched him from heaven.

The first time he had been on the Milan cathedral, he was attending her funeral. The ceremony was presided by the pope himself. Knowing of his family's involvement in her death, he poured kerosene on the coffin and lit a fire on the church. The authorities managed to save the historical building and despite of it all, Caesar was still allowed inside every year to mourn Gulweig, (as long as he wasn't carrying any dangerous chemicals).

Parsi Gattuso arrived in a car to give him some urgent news, his wife Chen Motong had gone missing. He brought with himself a letter that she wrote for her fiancé, it expressed Chen's dissatisfaction with her new life, asking him to give her some time.

Caesar immediately realized the poetic letter was fake, since Nono wouldn't bother to express herself in such a way. According to him, Nono would just write "Caesar, I'm leaving" In a napkin and leave it on top of her bed. The letter was probably written by a narcissistic person like Finger.

However, this left him reflecting on Nono's true feelings towards her future, wondering if all he did was capturing a bird (that he initially admired for its freedom) just to lock it in a cage.

Far away in Cassell College, the elders of the Secret Party reunited for an emergency meeting, the first one since 1961. Many famous individuals that once shaped the course of history were in it, still alive after faking their deaths to cover up their slow aging. In the principal's chair, Leonardo Flammel, the vice-principal and a direct descendant of Nicholas Flammel sat down and started the meeting.

He welcomed EVA, Norma's war personality with 140,000 times her processing power, and asked her to project a life-like hologram of Anjou's assassination attempt.

According to the recording, the previous night, the principal intended to access the ice cellar, but he stopped meters before reaching the entrance. He looked behind and said:

-Is that you?

In a fraction of a second, his access card had left his pocket after something cut through it. His entire body started bleeding from multiple cuts to his skin. He had no time to react and tried to use the card as his weapon, since the attacker didn't give him enough time (even using Time Zero) to draw his dragon slaying knife. It was guessed that his opponent could use Time Zero as well, but was more skilled in combat than the principal himself.

The security system identified the situation in time and called the police and medical assistance, otherwise, Anjou would have died. The conversation quickly turned to Luminous's possible involvement in the situation, Flammel had a conversation about it with "Mr. Beowulf", who was also present.

The legendary Beowulf was not an individual but a family of dragon slayers. They had a strong attraction to dragon blood, for them it was almost like drugs to an addict.

They were the most fierce dragon hunters in history, pouring the blood of their prey and drinking it after every successful kill. Their newborns were poisoned with dragon blood and only those who survived the process were considered worthy of living. Their latest descendants were almost dragon-like in appearance, but they were unlikely to turn into death servitors. Whenever that happened, the family killed them immediately.

Considering there's an imminent crisis ahead, the leader of the family showed himself in the table for the first time in a hundred years. That's because he strongly opposed the establishment of Cassell College, since "a true dragon slayer can only be born in the battlefield".

Back in the day, he led the "Action team" of the secret party, which eventually became the Execution Bureau. Initially he was expected to lead it, before he expressed his dissatisfaction with the college. Compared to the Action Team of the old days, the cruel Bureau is almost a charity.

Beowulf immediately started discussing Luminous's background. His parents were apparently in the records of the Execution Bureau, but their achievements are not registered. They never reported themselves and their location is currently unknown.

Caesar Gattuso was responsible for the defeat of Norton, Abdullah for Fenrir and the Gattuso's orbital weapon for the White King. Luminous was present during all of these events, but his actions are not registered either. He theorizes that Luminous is in fact a dragon, taking advantage of the war to slay his fellow kings. Since his use of Yanling was unknown and Time Zero belonged to the King of Sky and wind, the most mysterious of the dragon kings, the elders came to the conclusion that this dragon was none other than Luminous himself.

As soon as Beowulf questioned the absence of Frost Gattuso, Pompeii himself made an entrance by making EVA project his hologram on an empty chair. The man was semi-naked as multiple women applied sunscreen on him, annoying everyone on the room, specially Beowulf. Pompeii focused on the importance of Constantine's skeleton, since everyone else seemed more focused on Anjou's assassination attempt. Those bones contained the power of the king of bronze and fire, who was conformed by twins, so the college kept Constantine's skeleton, while the Gattuso family kept Norton's. In that very moment, Frost was transporting their half of the dragon king to an underground vault in the bank of Rome.

Pompeii linked Frost to the call, who was now 120 meters underground and descending. The vault was heavily protected against Time Zero users.

Just as they were discussing the security measures, the loud sound of an alarm silenced everyone in the room, when the members of the meeting asked about its purpose, they quickly realized that it wasn't coming from Cassell, it came from the elevator in Rome. The intruder was in the vault.

Frost was instructed to forget the original plan and leave with the bones of Norton. His bodyguards quickly mutated into dragon-like creatures to protect him. Corrosive acid and bombs were released as the elevator rose back to the surface, but there was something heating up the place and it was greater than any bomb they detonated.

Every guard stayed behind to guard the doors, hoping to witness the intruder. Finally, one of the doors was blown away. In the fire, there seemed to be dragons and snakes dancing. The mummy-like figure in white robes slowly walked towards Frost, as he exclaimed:

-It that... you? Is it really you? It is you!

EVA instructed him to step back, as he had no chance of winning against this "reaper", Frost took out his phone and transferred control of the vault to EVA before the strange creature reached him. Suddenly, the camera was broken and the visuals lost. The sound of the doors being blown up one by one was heard. Beowulf commanded EVA to close the sole entrance of the vault, which could easily resist ten-million-ton nuclear weapons, (Not enough to contain certain dragons).

Believing this to somehow signal the end of the world, the council awaited quietly. Investors in Rome were ecstatic when the value of gold suddenly increased (Since one third of the monetary gold in the world was just destroyed). EVA used the surrounding cameras to confirm the worst, Frost Gattuso was dead, crystallized by the extreme heat. Their diamond-like statues were left behind and soon collapsed, turning to dust.

The possibility of the resurrection of the black King soon reached their heads, its return would signal the end of humanity.

Caesar soon appeared in the room. He was named the new representative of the Gattuso family, so he ordered EVA to kick his father Pompeii out of the meeting. He defended his education in Cassell in front of Beowulf, saying it made him prouder than his last name ever would. He explained that this dragon was more dangerous than the others due to its ability to understand humans, their organizations and its capability to hide among them. It was more similar to humans than it was to dragons, which was its more terrifying feature.

He impressed Beowulf, specially when he ordered to investigate anyone who had come into contact with his uncle, since he recognized his killer. He then brought up Luminous. EVA explained that his unprecedented progress in combat skills was due to his participation in the Nibelungen project. It allows Luminous to surpass the dragon blood limit without turning into a death servitor. He was an artificial emperor, like Chisei Gen from Japan. Beowulf was enraged, since he considered it was a waste of resources to use Nibelungen on such a weak student instead of picking one of their A-Rank fighters and ordered EVA to put all of her computing power in finding Luminous and Finger. However, EVA found no records of Finger in her database. Everyone concluded that he deleted himself.

Since Luminous already worked for the Executive Department and therefore knew how to hide from them, Caesar proposed to employ a different type of hunter, specifically the ancient creatures that the college kept under the ice cellar, originally intended to be used against the black king. The elders voted in favor, but even Beowulf was frightened by the idea of employing them. Flammel suddenly stood up and contacted Finger, warning him of the impeding threat. Moments later, a veteran knocked him down.

Parsi had noticed a change in Caesar. In years prior, he'd make childish requests, like asking him to empty a restaurant because he wanted to drink tea in peace. It looked like he was never going to grow up. Ever since he came back from Japan, he was far more mature, taking bigger responsibilities and doing most of the work by himself. He asked Caesar about his friendship with Luminous, specifically if he wasn't worried about the beasts hurting him.

-I don't want to harm Luminous, but he made a mistake, he shouldn't have involved Nono.

He seemed extremely silent, stopping in his way out to stare at a decorative kimono, one that he brought from Japan as a souvenir, he was wearing it the day he arrived. He wondered about the weaknesses of the dragons, if Constantine was Norton's, who was Shavee's?

He felt like he was forgetting something.

[ohdearhiddles]

REQUEST: “Angst to Fluff Tom x reader: when having some spring-cleaning done, she finds a paper from her schooldays. The lesson was to capture a certain feeling and put them to writing - so she chose to do a suicide note. Smiling, she remembered getting an A, for ‘her emotional description of a soul in suffering.’ Leaving it on the bed, she goes up the attic to proceed. Later Tom comes home, calling but gets no answer and finds reader's letter.”

TITLE: The Letter

WORD COUNT: 2544

AUTHOR NOTES/WARNINGS: mentions of suicide, please do not read if the topic makes you uncomfortable!!! @scorpionchild81​ thank you so much for the request and i’m so glad you’ve enjoyed my work so far!!! I tried my hardest to write it the way you described so fingers crossed that it’s what you wanted. ♡  i hope you enjoy this :) x (AO3 LINK)

Dust floated around the air like glitter after a child’s birthday party. Both were not fun to inhale or clean up. Your hands flailed in front of your face, hoping to get the particles as far from your nose as possible. This clearly didn’t work as you turned your head away, a fit of coughs attacking you to show that your attempts were not successful. Stepping down from the small step stool, you decided that the dusting would just have to wait until you finished organizing the mass of random items you had collected over the years.

Music bounced off the walls of the house as you eyed the trash bag and the scattered items on the floor. ‘Why did cleaning always start with things getting even messier first?’ You thought. Spring cleaning was always a hassle, but at the same time, the gratification that came afterwards was so very worth it. It was like spring cleaning allowed for a new chapter of the year to begin, leaving behind the past to make way for new memories and new random items.

As you sifted through the various papers, books, and memorabilia something caught your eye. A folded up piece of paper laid wedged between the pages of your old high school yearbook. For a second, you wondered if you should even bother opening the small paper or just toss it in the trash. The thought swiftly disappeared as you began to wonder why you had kept it in the first place.

You held the pale piece of paper in your hand, eyeing it as the curiosity began to overwhelm you. For some reason, it seemed strange for you to have kept anything from your school days. Obviously, it had been important enough, or good enough, to have kept over the years. Granted, you had certainly forgotten about its existence. After a few moments of contemplating, you began unfolding it. Your eyebrows raised in shock, not expecting what you saw before you. In your hand, you held a paper you had written years prior, and as you began to reminisce, your eyes scanned the words scrawled on it.

To whom it may concern;

The world is a dark place filled with shadows that cover even the brightest lights. The sun beams down on the earth, but I feel no warmth when I stand beneath its rays. The stars illuminate the night sky, but I see no light to guide me. Darkness consumes my body and soul; my heart continues to wither in my chest with each passing day.

I feel nothing and everything all at once. I feel impending doom as well as the endless void; they call my name. I stand before you, armor shed and battle cries unheard. My uphill battle was a slippery one. The battle is over, and I have watched myself lose at every turn. This battle was never mine to win, and it is something I have come to accept. I hope you accept it, too.

As Emily Dickinson once said, “One need not be a chamber to be haunted.”

I find myself to be a room filled to max occupancy. I am filled with ghosts of my memories and phantoms of my unforeseen future. In this room, I stand by myself. I am the center of mockery and jokes. There is no peace in these moments of silent unrest.

So, please, do not mourn for my freedom. To be free is to see the light at the end of my endless tunnel. To be free is to let go of my mind and my soul. To be free is to rid myself of demons, ghosts, and phantoms alike.

The letter continued on, describing in great detail the torment that you had expressed in the first few paragraphs. Memories flooded your mind as you recalled the day the assignment had been given out. Now that you thought about it, you were certain that you had received an A on the assignment for being able to capture the emotions of someone who was suffering quite well. A smile adorned your face at the memory of your teacher’s delight in your ability to convey emotions so well.

When the letter was finished, you folded it up, a gentle smile still on your lips as you realized how much things had changed over the years. You placed the folded paper onto your bed, reminding yourself to find an appropriate place for it later on. Ten minutes later and all the older items that you no longer wanted were placed into a box. You stood to your feet, looking at the boxes on the ground with a smile. 

‘Almost done,’ you thought.

Now that the bedroom was done, the only room left was the attic. Internally, you groaned, knowing that the one room alone was going to take an eternity to finish cleaning up. Picking up a box, you carried it to the attic, hoping to find a way to organize all the unnecessary things you had collected.

Time seemed to stop in the attic for you. While you were working hard to ensure that all the cobwebs and dust bunnies were kept at bay, your perception of time seemed to go away. There were no windows in your attic, making it incredibly difficult to see how much more time you had in the day without looking at your phone. Too invested in your current actions, you hadn’t noticed the slam of the door downstairs, indicating that your partner had just made it home.

“Y/N,” Tom called, placing his keys on the kitchen counter as he wandered around the lower floor. His eyes skimmed over each room, admiring the unnatural cleanliness that had overtaken the home. He followed the sound of music up the stairs to the bedroom, glancing around for any trace of you. When he reached the bedroom, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“Darling?” He called a second time, his eyes trained on an object on the bed. He approached slowly, not entirely uneasy, but something in the pit of his stomach still made him wary of the fact that you weren’t answering him. The paper you had placed on the bed a couple hours before made its way into Tom’s hands. He didn’t take his time like you had to open it; instead, he unfolded it gingerly yet quickly, skimming over the words.

A frown settled on his face as each word began to sink in. There was no date on the letter, no indication that it was written for a class years before, and that became a blow that knocked the air from your loving boyfriend’s lungs. In the years you two had been together, he never once felt as though you would feel the need to write something so heart wrenching, so profoundly dark. As the last words of the letter processed in his mind, Tom felt a heavy weight in his chest.

Crumbling the paper in his hand, he called your name again and again and then one last time. The music blocked all the rustling noises you were making from the attic; in fact, it drowned out any noise that either of you were making. As Tom frantically searched the house, you contentedly smiled at the once cluttered attic, unaware of the heart attack the gentleman downstairs was ready to have. You picked up the last box laying around, opting to place it on top of one of the heavier ones. However, the older box seemed to not want to agree with its new position. Upon picking it up, the bottom of the cardboard fell through, causing a loud clatter to resonate beneath you.

The sound was enough for Tom to quickly run towards the attic stairs. His heart was erratically beating in his chest as he bound up the stairs as fast as he could. When he reached the top, his eyes immediately fell on your crouched down figure as you bent down to pick up the fallen knick-knacks. Hearing his heavy footsteps, you smiled in his direction, a greeting on the tip of your tongue.

Tom swiftly crossed the space separating the two of you, hands grabbing your arms in an effort to get you to stand up and face him. “What are you doing?”

His voice was loud, frantic, scared. Your eyes widened at the look of fear in his face, uncertain as to what had spooked him so terribly. 

“What?” You questioned, hands reaching up to his flushed cheeks, “What’s wrong?”

“I was calling for you,” he spoke, voice barely audible over the music. “Where were you?”

“Here,” you responded, moving to pause the music from your cellphone.

Tom glanced over your shoulder, looking at the clean attic, “I thought something happened to you. I thought you-”

His voice cut off as his hands tightened around your shoulders. Without any warning, he pulled you close. It wasn’t until you noticed the shaky breath he exhaled that you realized just how scared he had been. You reached your hands up to rub his back soothingly, “Why did you think something happened? Thomas, you knew I was going to clean up today.”

You felt Tom nod as his grip loosened. “I found your letter.”

Pulling away, you furrowed your brows, confused as to what he meant. You watched as he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. It was crumbled greatly, but it wasn’t balled up to the point of no return. He opened it up, attempting to smooth out the edges and creases scattered all over the thin paper. When he was done with his feeble attempts of returning it to its former glory, Tom handed it to you. You took the paper into your hands, eyeing it before sighing.

“It’s an old paper from school, Tom,” you spoke.

He shook his head, “That does little to calm my nerves, Y/N. You just confirmed that you wrote it.”

“Yeah, but it’s from years ago.” You responded, eyes squinting at the tall gentleman.

“Years or not, you wrote something so terribly sad and empty. Forgive me if it made my heart beat a little faster,” Tom argued. You looked up to see his jaw clenched in concentration. His eyes were trained on the paper in your hands, almost as if he was trying to decipher some hidden code.

“It was for an assignment that was meant to portray emotion,” you reassured him. Tom let out a deep breath, his once shaky breath now calmed to some extent. For a few seconds, you watched his chest rise and fall, waiting for him to say something. 

“How did you even write something so,” he paused, “so unbearably sad? After reading it, you weren’t answering me, and I was so scared. You wrote it years ago, but is any of it true? Can you look me in the eye and say you don’t feel like that at all?”

You found yourself standing up straighter, looking deep into the ocean blue eyes before you. He had a point in his words. At one point, you had felt enough suffering to be able to conjure up such raw emotion for that paper, but it was no longer you. That part of you was long gone, a forgotten memory swept away by the many happy moments you had spent with the man you loved since then. Gently, you smiled. “I don’t feel that way.”

Tom stood still, eyes desperately searching yours for any indication that you had lied about how you felt. His hands found yours, gripping them tightly as he pulled you closer to his body for the second time since he had found you in the attic. He nuzzled his face into your hair and whispered, “Do you promise me?”

Your hands wrapped around his waist again, listening to the soft thrum of his heartbeat in his chest. Usually he would hold you close like this in order to calm you down, but today it seems like he was doing so in order to seek his own comfort. For a moment, you were convinced that he was holding you in order to ensure that you were real.

“I promise,” you whispered back, voice soft as you tried to hush his worries.

“Y/N,” Tom said, his grip tightening only slightly, “You mean so much to me, do you know that?”

Your heart skipped a beat at the confession. Of course you knew; the man before you never let you forget how much you meant to him. If it wasn’t a nice dinner, a cozy night in, or a lavish vacation, then it was the gentle touches or silent promises that spoke for him. The only thing he hadn’t done yet to show how much he cared was get down on one knee, but that wasn’t something to worry about. He was a man that enjoyed timing things perfectly, and something told you that a proposal would be something he’d plan for a long time before actually doing.

“I know,” you responded as you pulled back just enough to wrap your hands around the nape of his neck, fingers toying with the soft curls adorning his head. 

“I can’t lose you,” he sighed, eyes shut before they opened, connecting with your own eyes immediately.

“And you know that you can confide in me,” Tom continued, his own hands caressing the exposed skin at the small of your back. “About anything?”

Humming, you nodded. Your boyfriend didn’t say anything afterwards. Instead, he leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. His lips were warm against your cool skin. After the gesture, he moved to allow his lips to brush against your cheekbone.

“You really had me scared, you know? You shouldn’t leave something like that on the bed. Especially on my side of the bed,” he whispered, his breath fanning across the skin of your neck as he pressed his lips to your jaw.

“I’m sorry,” you said, turning your head to face him, lips a fraction of an inch apart. “But I’m okay, Tom. I’m not planning on going anywhere, not when I have you.”

He leaned forward, connecting the space between you two. The kiss was gentle, almost as if Tom was scared you were going to break from it. Your hands cupped his cheeks as you tried to hold his towering frame at a height that you could reach. His lips moved against yours as he pulled your body flush against his. His right hand covered the expanse of your back as he held you close while the other hand held your neck at an angle in order to have easy access to your lips.

The kiss ended almost as quickly as it started. When it was over, Tom leaned his forehead against yours, a silent promise on his lips much like there always was after the two of you kissed. 

“I love you,” he whispered as if it were a secret meant to be kept from the air itself.

“I love you, too,” you whispered back, standing on your tiptoes as you placed another kiss to his lips. Silently wishing for the love and care Tom showed you to never end.

[poisonously-alluring-sev]

Snape One Shots ~ A Touch Of Blue

Summary: Cloe has been hiding some strong feelings for her professor. Soon her friends will find out this hidden secret and maybe, just maybe, Cloe and Severus can make their much needed relationship work.

Pairing: Snape x Female

Warnings: Swearing and such

Time: Half-Blood Prince

Word Count: 8100

Recommended Song: False God by Taylor Swift

Main Character: Cloe Todd; sixth year; Ravenclaw; Leo; long black wavy hair; bright blue eyes; tall thin figure; low self-esteem

The day was Friday night and nobody had classes until Monday morning, but I had taken all week to handwrite a letter to Professor Snape because... Well... It really isn't easy to hide a crush that you have on a teacher from your best friends let alone have them keep their mouths shut about it around people so you kind of have to take things into your own hands, like what I am doing. Writing a letter to be sent to Snape at 11 pm where he will hopefully not chase Hope, my owl, back to my room. I read over the letter I had written to make sure that I had spelled everything correctly and I had made the sentences sound realistic hoping that he wouldn't slap me across the head right when I got into class on Monday or search for me over the weekend. I warmed up some black wax, put the letter into an empty envelope and pressed the hot wax onto the sem and then painted some gold glitter on the rose that the wax press left. I whistled for Hope and gave it to her and told her,

"To Severus Snape, and don't mess this up." She flies out of my window and I took this moment to go to sleep and if there was a response waiting for me the next morning we'll see if I have enough time to even look for it since Luna will want to take me to Hogsmeade bright and early.

****The Next Morning****

I woke up to the sound of someone trying to play my piano but failing miserably. I opened my eyes and saw Cho gently tapping on the keys trying to find a good rhythm that made sense, but to be honest she was having a hard time trying to figure it out. I groaned when she hit a flat note and she turned over to look at me.

"Ugh, thank gosh you're awake, Luna won't stop sending messages to ask me if you had woken up already."

"And thank gosh you stopped playing." I chuckled as Cho just frowned at me.

"I'm trying my best alright?" I chuckled again and got up to go to the bathroom. I put on some fairly normal muggle clothes which are only black and wrapped my hair up in a bun since I was too tired to go and have a shower before meeting Luna in the courtyard. I grabbed my combat boots, a bennie and throw on my light grey jacket and left the common room hoping I wouldn't run into anybody knowing about what I sent to Snape last night. I made my way through the hallways saying hello and good morning to the professors that I knew and finally found myself walking towards Luna where she ran up to me and grabbed my arm.

"Come on! We can't waste any more time!" She said before she started to drag me alongside her as she starts to move at a jogging pace.

"What is SO important that I have to wake up this early and run to Hogsmeade with you for?"

"We have to prepare for your first date dummy!" I stopped in my tracks which made Luna slow down very quickly and turn towards me.

"No, I am NOT going on any dates you have planned Lovegood."

"Oh come on Clo! You'll love him!" I let go of her hand and said back,

"I most especially will not! You know I'm not the kind of person to do these types of things." She sighed and responded with,

"Trust me, once I am able to hook you up with Snape-" I cut her off right when she finished saying his name.

"Shh!" I looked around and saw a few people walking in front of us not even look back at us like we weren't even here. I looked back at Luna and said,

"When and IF you do it better not be a joke or some shit like that." She laughed and said with her airy voice,

"That would be a funny joke, but I wouldn't want to hurt you in the process. I also know that you sent him a letter." My eyes widened at her last comment.

"How?" She patted my back as we started to walk again.

"I saw your failed letters, but don't worry I think you probably did a good job." She smiled and not as a joke, but she was being serious. I smiled back and we started to talk about some other stuff as we made our way to Hogsmeade. Once we got there Luna needed some new books first and foremost so we went and got those spending 20 minutes of the day, but I honestly was NOT ready to see what she had planned for me today. After a few more minutes walking around she finally brought me into a store which was actually a tailor store for formal wear, now I was starting to panic.

I better not have to wear a damn lace red dress for this.

After Luna dragged me around for about half an hour trying to find a dress for her she then finally moved on looking for one for me. At first, I hated it to the point that I was ready to just disappear and leave Luna here, but of course, she wasn't going to let that happen and sooner than later I started to have fun with trying on dresses. Luna would say things like, "Just imagine walking into a ballroom wearing this! You would win all of the guy's hearts!" or "Snape would fall over on his face if he saw you wearing that." After a while, she started to bring up my confidence in dress shopping and at one point I didn't even realize that we had missed lunch. I finally had the thought of what this was all for and asked Luna.

"The Yule Ball of course! I know you wanted to go just for fun, but I think you should try to grab someone's attention while you're there." She then winked at me as she pushed me back into the dressing room. After that Luna had given me a few more dresses to try on, but I wasn't too comfortable with how much flesh they were showing off whereas Cho really wanted me to wear them. I went around the store one more time to try and find the perfect dress and I finally found it. It was a nice pearl blue with a tad bit of beads on it. I ran to the open dressing room and throw it on as quickly as I could, once I was finished putting it on I can out and showed Luna and Cho who both gasped at the dress, I also added in a quick spin to make the dress flow in the thin air. Yes it didn't really have much holding the dress up and I didn't need to wear a bra, but it definitely was the dress I was going to buy.

Luna loved the dress and once we got back to Hogwarts she made Cho and I do kind of like a fashion show with the dresses we all picked out and because Cho is Cho she told us that we all should get pearl blue dresses to match each other at the ball in a few weeks. But of course, Luna then came up with another idea where I would have the lighter coloured dress and be in the front of the group, like V-formation, and Luna and Cho would have darker dresses and be on my left and right sides as we entered the ball.

After we had dinner and I jammed out a bit on my guitar I was pretty bored and decided to take a walk around the school just because I could. Soon I left the common room and decided to start my walk on the top floor near the Ravenclaw common room and to also get a beautiful few of the school grounds from the top of the astronomy tower as the sunset. I made my way up the steep stairs and sat on the railing that viewed the Black Lake with the sun coming down reflecting off of the water making everything look gorgeous. I took this moment to just relax and breathe deeply, I didn't have enough time to think about what Professor Snape would say to me about my letter since I was busy dress shopping, but now my mind was ready to just relax and calm down so I wouldn't be so stressed about it if I thought about it at this moment. As I watched the sunset disappear under the horizon and have the darkness of the nightfall over the school I walked around the lower east part of the school making my way to the courtyard I heard an owl screech coming from my right and saw a deep grey giant bird about to fly into me, but flew up and dropped what he was asked to deliver on my head. After I stared down the owl as it flew away I opened the letter, but before taking it out of the envelope I made sure that it was my name on the front. Then my heart started to pound at a crazy strong rate so much that I could feel and hear in it my forehead. It was my name written in Snape's handwriting. I ran back to my dorm room praying that Cho and Luna were at least in the common room so then they could read the letter before I do instead of me waiting around for them or just reading it myself and feeling hurt and scared by myself. Thankfully Luna was sitting on a chair near a window and I quickly grabbed her arm and pull her up the stairs, once we got into the dorm Cho was reading as well along with studying Herbology. I sat them down in front of me on the floor while I rocked back and forth basically having a panic attack as they read what Snape had to say in response. After a few minutes of them reading and me trying to breathe normally and keep my heart rate low they finally looked at each other and whispering quietly until they both looked at me and then gave me the letter. As I was reading my heart and breathing weren't staying stable, but Luna was trying to do her best as I read it. To sum up the letter in response he just addressed what I had said and wants to meet up with me to talk about it. As I was trying to calm myself down as my mind was racing with thoughts of him going to yell at me, tell Dumbledore or punish me in some way or another. Cho read over the letter, again and again, Luna was rubbing my back and trying to calm me down by playing music and singing along with it. Her voice has helped me calm down from a panic attack before so it clearly works, but I wasn't so sure about this time. After about 20 more minutes of Cho and Luna talking about what the letter could mean and breaking it down I was slowly feeling very tired and felt like trying to fall asleep. Luna told me what time it was and after I got under my blankets Luna kept singing lightly and rubbing my back as I slowly drifted into sleep.

Waking up the next morning was hard since I really wasn't up for leaving my bed when I might run into Snape and get screamed at in the hallways. Luna had convinced me to at least go have a shower and all of that jazz before breakfast which I'm guessing she was going to try to convince me to go to as well. I put on my black muggle clothes and put my hair up in a messy braid, but Luna said otherwise. She had me sit down on the bathroom counter as she curled my hair and put on some light, but visible green and black eyeshadow. I was confused about why she was dressing me up when I was just going to be in here for most of the day besides meals, so I asked her.

"Well, if you do run into Snape, not saying you will, but if you do, I think that you should look your best casually and maybe, just maybe if he isn't happy about what you sent in that letter then he will see you and think 'damn maybe I should at least give her a shot' and then bam true love." She giggled and I said back in response,

"Umm, I don't think that's how love works."

"I know, but it's the best way I can think to explain it to you." As she finished to my hair and all of that jazz I started to think about what he might say if my looks changed his mind. I smiled to myself and I guess Luna noticed and she smiled as well. We walked to the Great Hall and sat in our normal spots at our normal time before everyone arrives all at once. Cho came along soon after and was talking to her other friends who I never talked to before and Neville Longbottom came and sat on the other side of Luna. After a few more minutes students and teachers started to flow into the Great Hall and took their seats before our breakfast magically appeared in front of us. Once everyone was in their seats and Dumbledore talked for a few minutes our food arrived and people started filling up their plates and started up conversations with one another. Just out of curiosity I looked up to the professors' table and scanned my way through the teachers until my eyes locked with someone, it was Snape. He was already looking at me before I glanced his way, but as soon as we made eye contact Luna tapped my shoulder and brought me back to the conversation we were having. I tried my best to keep my eyes away from the teacher's table and started up any kind of conversation that I could to distract myself from looking up there. After about 15 minutes half of the students had finished and left the Great Hall me being one of them. As I stood up to leave a tall and dressed in black person was right in front of me, I looked up to who it was to ask them to move so I could walk past, but my voice was caught up in my throat when I saw that it was Professor Snape. We looked at each other for a few seconds then he spoke first and said,

"Ms. Todd." I could only respond with,

"Professor." Then I slipped past him and walked away with a little more speed to my step. As I was nearing the entrance of the Great Hall ready to start running once I got out of there to the common room I left someone staring at me and I knew it was Snape, but then in the back of my head it felt like someone was trying to fight off my mind and look into it. The feeling only lasted until I rounded the corner and was out of the sight of whoever was doing that to me. Once I got back to the common room I grabbed my guitar and my notebook and started writing down some chords and notes. After about half an hour of finding a nice melody, I started to write some lyrics down and add them into the melody. As I strummed my guitar I added the words slowly into it and listened to how it sounded to see if I needed to change anything in the song.

I opened my eyes

watching you pass me by

Not even looking in my way

Wondering why you don't see me

But I won't judge you

I just want you to stay

I wrote down a few changes to the chords and started up again.

Not only that

But you don't even smile

I'm wondering if you even have a heart

I feel so broken

Without you

But you'd never even notice

What I'd do for you

I had practiced playing those chords and singing those lyrics to make sure that they fit together right and as I was doing this, many people were listening in and watching me play. As soon as I stopped playing and decided to use this uneventful day nearly everyone in the common room complimented me on my songwriting and the Head Boy even told me,

"Whoever that song is about, they clearly don't deserve you if they make you feel like that, don't get distracted by idiots, do your own thing, Cloe." I thanked him and went to go on a walk on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. As I was walking I was thinking about what everyone said to me after they listened to the lyrics that I wrote down and gently laughed to myself.

If only they knew.

I stayed outside for a little while longer and sat down on some clean grass near the water's edge of the Black Lake and just took in the cool breeze that moved my hair and loved every bit of the fresh air that surrounded me. Soon I was laying on the grass with my eyes closed and just taking in the heat of the sun as it shone down on my face. I could hear other students that were either outside for a walk or were playing some kind of sport-related game along with the sounds of birds every which way. There was one point where I heard someone walk fairly near me then the footsteps stopped and I couldn't hear them for a few minutes until the person walked away, and yet again I felt that weird pain-like feeling in the back of my mind trying to get into my head. I quickly pushed them out even though it was pretty difficult to do so. I frowned and sat up to see where this person was so then I could give them a glare, but I couldn't see anyone around me what so ever so I then decided to get up and head back to the Great Hall to get some lunch and then probably go have a nap or something until dinner and then study for my classes while there still was time left in the day. As lunch was passing and Hermione was giving Harry a lecture about something just behind us I, yet again, felt that pain-like feeling in my head and at this point I really wasn't happy and wanted to smack whoever was trying to get into my head. So as anyone would I tried to search out for this very bold person and after a few minutes looking around at the students I still could feel them trying to get in my mind and I realized that no student would be able to do Ollcomency so I looked up at the teacher's table and looked to see if anyone was staring me down. Nobody was looking at me from what I could tell, but I still could feel someone trying to get into my mind, I looked back up at the teacher's table just to make sure. And sure enough, I found the person staring me down trying to get into my head. I was fairly shocked and kind of scared when I realized that it was Professor Snape. My heart started to beat faster with fear and anxiety and soon enough I could hear it in my head. I was very worried that at some point he would get into my head and hear my thoughts which will most likely be about him or that he might search through my memories and find the ones involving him. My breathing got heavier as the fear was boiling under my skin, I could also hear another heart beating and more breathing like it was coming from me, but it wasn't.

Was I able to hear the pace of his breathing? There's no way that can be possible? If I can hear him, can he hear me?

My eyes widened with even more fear, I was completely shocked by the fact that I could hear his heartbeat beating in my chest versus my own and feeling air being pulled into my lungs, not on my command. It was very nerve-wracking to know that we had traded breathing paces and heartbeats, but I was trying my best to calm myself down to not hyperventilate or embarrass myself in front of Snape. I broke eye contact with him and I know it probably made me seem weak but doing so it was easier to calm myself down without having to see him stare into my eyes. Soon I was able to push him out of my mind and feel myself breathing again and was able to hear my heartbeat once more. I let out a big long sigh which seems to catch Cho's attention.

"What's with the sigh Clo?"

"I'm just tired and don't want to start classes again tomorrow, mainly Potions." I put my hand on my head trying to keep my heart beating at a slow pace and to cool myself off from the huge stare-off I just had with a teacher.

"Why Potions?"

"Snape is assigning another essay again."

"Damnit, I forgot about that."

As Cho asked Luna for help with a Potions essay and just help, in general, I looked back up to the teacher's table and saw that Snape was having a conversation with Professor McGonagall not even realizing that I was now the one staring at him. McGonagall glanced at me and saw me staring at Snape, doing I was snapped out of my thoughts and went back to eating food and listening to what my friends were talking about hoping that she wouldn't ask me about it or even realized that I was looking at Snape and turned my eyes away when I noticed her looking in my direction. As soon as my friends and I were finished lunch we got up right away and made our way out of the Great Hall, but before I could leave I felt the pain again and this time I really wasn't having it. So I spun around and saw Snape looking at me as he made his way to the main entrance of the Great Hall which was also where I was. As soon as he got closer to me I glared at him harshly and he came near me and stopped in front of me making me look up to be able to see his face as I had a not-so-happy expression plaster on my face. We just stared at each other for a few seconds until I said,

"Yes, Professor?" He responded to my question with,

"You seem to have joy with trying to intimidate me, am I correct?" I smirked and said back,

"I could ask you the same thing." We both stood there just glaring at each other not saying a word until Cho called my name and grabbed my attention making me look away to find where her voice came from.

"Looks like you'll need to try harder next time, looking away really doesn't work." He then passed me and left the Great Hall leaving me there wandering through my thoughts. I sighed and found Cho who asked to go to the Black Lake to do something and she wouldn't even tell me what it was she wanted to do after I asked her about 20 times in two minutes. Once we made it there, Luna and Ginny had already claimed a spot on the bright green grass and were having a conversation until Cho and I sat down beside them. Ginny gave them both a look that seemed pretty cheeky and mischievous like Ginny was at certain times. I didn't want to ruin their surprise or whatever so I didn't address the look on Ginny's face, but I did ask them,

"So, what is this all about?"

"Your date of course!" Ginny said very loudly and covered her mouth and laughed right after she said basically screamed it at me. I tilted my head and asked them what Ginny meant by 'date'.

"Well, remember how I told you about that guy I had a date planned for you with?" Luna said,

"Yeah?"

"Well, we still kinda have to get him to say yes to having a date with you because I didn't actually ask him I just thought that we would be able to get him to like you enough, the reason why we are here, to get him to ask you out." I slammed my hand on my face and sighed. Cho and Luna sat there waiting for me to tell them that I wasn't doing this, but instead, I asked them,

"And how were you planning on doing this without me finding out who the guy is?" Luna opened her mouth and responded back with,

"Right, um haven't totally planned that bit out yet, but I think I got it." I nodded and Ginny smiled and said in one very quick breath,

"I'm so happy you're going to finally have a boyfriend!" She giggled again along with Cho and they started to talk about what each person had to do and what things could happen and go wrong along with what we needed to do to fix those mistakes if they happen. After about half an hour of that we walked around, Luna said that they were looking for him but to be completely honest I think she was just stalling, but soon Luna spun me around and set us up for whatever she thought was going to work. As I had to help a little first year with Potions and saying things like 'my mark in Potions is so high I think I might've beaten Snape's marks when he was a kid' or 'I think I'm Snape's favourite, but you know him, he won't talk about it' I kinda felt bad about bragging about this stuff to a first-year who probably too scared to even look me in the face, but as Luna signalled me to keep going I could feel the pain start-up in my head again. I stopped talking mid-sentence and peaked my head up to find Snape standing somewhere staring at me. Soon enough I found him walking closer to me through the courtyard locking eye contact with me. I realized that I couldn't stare at him for too long since I was just having a conversation with another student so I looked away and continued on while I did my best to keep him out of my mind. After I looked away I could feel him pushing harder and harder into my mind and it became difficult to focus on what I was saying. As he walked by both the first-year student and me looked up at him and I glared at him whereas the first year kind of cowering in fear which I don't blame him for that, but once you get to know him it isn't so bad. He stopped in front of us and he said to me,

"Ms. Todd."

"Snape." You could feel the heavy tension that was growing between us and I could see Luna kind of freaking out behind him, but I didn't want to pay attention to her at the moment, her plan could wait. I continued to glare at him and then he asked me,

"Why are you wasting your time on this first year?" I scoffed in my head and responded with,

"I think that it's at least worth a try to help someone versus just watch them struggle, don't you think?" This time he scoffed and walked away without looking back, but still trying to get into my head. I finished helping the student early since I really wasn't having it with Snape today and went up to Luna and asked her,

"Did your plan work or what?" Cho nodded aggressively and Ginny was jumping up and down.

"Yeah, I'd say it worked. So what did Snape talk to you about?'

I knew this was going to happen.

"Nothing much, he just insulted the first year and we glared at each other for the most part." Cho was shocked by what I had told her and said,

"What? Why!"

"Ummm because he's bee-" I stopped myself before I said anything too loudly and pulled them closer to me so I didn't have to talk loud enough for others to hear.

"He's been trying to use Occlumency on me all day." They all gasps and I smacked them on their arms.

"It's really not that shocking, to be honest," Ginny said and I nodded in agreeance. We talked about it for a little longer until Hermione came and grabbed Ginny who I guess had promised to study for a test with her and forget about her so Luna, Cho and I just went back to our dorm and just studied for our own classes I also went over the lyrics and chords that I wrote and put into a song and finished it. Soon it was dinner and I really didn't want to come face to face with Snape again or have Luna randomly say that it's time for another setup plan thing. We made it to our usual seats and waited for Dumbledore to say his daily speech before we can all eat. As soon as the food was on the table I dug right in and tried my best to hold myself back from looking up at the teacher's table for as long as I can, which hopefully will be throughout the whole meal. Luna was talking about the next setup with Cho and I was just listening in to the best of my ability since they were trying to talk quiet enough so that they could hear each other over the other students talking, but not loud enough for me to hear. I sighed and just focused on my food and thought about classes and whatnot which I was happy to get back to so I didn't have to be under Luna's rath the whole time with this stupid date-set-up thing. Soon it was the end of dinner all three of us had finished and wanted to go and take a walk around the lake I looked up at the teacher's table just out of instinct and as I scanned I didn't see Snape sitting in his normal spot.

Maybe he's in his class getting ready for classes tomorrow

I thought. I walked out with my friends, but before I could round the corner I felt a tinge of fear or anxiety in the back of my chest, probably because I thought that Snape not being at dinner was odd, even though I probably shouldn't think much of it, it still was in my mind. I pushed it out of my mind when Cho punched a Slytherin in the face and he fell to my feet. I stood there shocked at what Cho had down and looked up at her for an explanation and she said back with some tone,

"He slapped my ass!" She was about to kick him when Snape came around the corner and stopped her foot mid-swing with a spell. He let her foot fall to the ground and came up to us to say,

"Ms. Chang, Detention for hurting another student. As for the rest of you move along." Luna and I walked past the kid and grabbed Cho's arm and started to walk away from the scene, but before we could get far Snape said,

"Ms. Todd, I need to talk to you after I get this boy some ice, meet me in my office," He stared right into my eyes and said once more,

"Don't be late." He grabbed the boy's arm to pick him up and summoned some ice as we walked away fairly quickly so I could freak out without Snape seeing me.

"Are you kidding me?" I put my face in my hands to try and calm down my anxiety whereas Luna was freaking out more than I was. Well, she was more freaking out because of what I told her earlier and how now he wants to talk to me, alone, along with the confession letter I sent him earlier this week.

"I think you'll be fine, no worries Clo," Luna said as her breathing got a bit faster as she talked. I rested my head on the wall behind me and told them.

"I better go, can't be late." Cho wished me good luck as I rounded the corner to head down into the dungeons to Snape's office hoping that I wasn't going to be embarrassed or anything.

Who am I kidding?! This is going to be the actual end of me

My breathing slowed as I tried to calm myself down, but I just ended up making my breathing worse since I was slowing it by not breathing in general until I needed to breathe to stay alive. I ended up in the main part of the dungeons and followed the hallway to the Potions class, I was doing my best to keep myself calm, but being able to hear my heartbeat in my head wasn't really helping. I got to his classroom, but before I entered I leaned against the wall and let out a sigh, as soon as I felt comfortable with entering to my death I stood up straight and went to knock on the door, but before my hand could make any impact I heard someone on the other side say 'come in' I dropped my hand and opened the door saying to myself,

"That's a little creepy."

"It's hard to ignore footsteps coming from the other side of a door." I looked up and saw Snape sitting at his desk and from what I could tell he was marking tests. I walked farther into his classroom and with each step it felt like everything was getting hotter and hotter as I got closer to my death and I was going to be dragged to hell for it.

"You wanted to talk to me, professor?" I made it to his desk and stood on the other side of it hoping to keep something physical between him and me.

"Yes, I wanted to talk about many things, but I think we both know what we need to talk about Ms. Todd." I breathed in deep when he said my name in such a manner and told myself to not think like that which he was most likely going to yell at me. He glanced to a chair near his desk as to say 'pull up a chair as I did so I could feel the fear building inside me and just wished for like a basilisk or something to just pop out of thin air and kill me on the spot. He cleared his throat and said,

"How have you managed to be able to stop someone from using Occlumency on you?" I wasn't really expecting that kind of question and I didn't really know the answer, but I had to ask him a question about that too.

"Why were you trying to use Occlumency on me I think is the better question?" I glared at him and he snared, but still answered my question before moving on.

"Dumbledore has me making sure that each student is following the rules."

"And he said that it's okay to use Occlumency on students that break simple rules?"

"Students that could be moving into the path of becoming a death eater." I widened my eyes, but then thought,

Why would he use it on me then?

"Why on me then? I can confirm that I have nothing to do with Voldemort or have any intention to join him and his little rebellion." He continued to look at me and then asked,

"Again, how are you able to block people from entering your mind?" I sighed and said,

"I don't know. I seriously don't know." I crossed my arms and then he leaned forward in his chair and said,

"Seems a little suspicious, don't you think? You aren't involved with Voldemort, but you can stop people from taking over your mind..." I sighed and said,

"Okay, I gave you an answer to your question, can I leave now?"

"Oh no, we still have way more to talk about." I looked up at him and in his eyes when he said,

"How about we start with the letter, Ms.Todd." My heartbeat dropped and as well as my breathing. I knew that he was probably going to talk about it, but I wasn't sure that it would be right now. I kept looking into his eyes as he leaned back into the chair and said once more,

"I think that's the better question." I gulped and seat down more in my chair and to be honest I didn't know how to start this or what I should do first off.

Do I just run for it? Or do I sit through it and deal with nearly facing my death right here, right now?

Soon enough I got the courage to speak and give him some kind of response.

"Are we sure we need to talk about this? I mean classes are tomorrow and I want to get started on my essays-" My breathing hitched as I listened to his words.

"Yes, we need to talk about it. You sent me a confession letter and have been ignoring me all weekend instead of saying it to my face." My throat started to close up which meant that tears were about to form, but I didn't want nor need them too so I pushed that feeling away and said back to him,

"It was a ridiculous act that I did at 11 pm on a Friday after a week full of school, I was most likely not thinking straight." I folded my hands together and sneezed hoping that he will buy my bait and let me leave, but I knew that wasn't going to work.

"You've literally run away from me after you sent it, normally you'd stare me down or say hello, but you haven't been. You clearly were thinking straight when you wrote it." He was staring me down and at this point, I didn't know what to do. I was scared. Being as frightened as I was I just, out of random instincts, told him,

"I really am uncomfortable talking about this right now and I'm not going to lie I am pretty afraid." I squeezed on my hands again trying to hold back tears of fear and it wasn't the normal fear, it was the fear of rejection and fear of saying something wrong and messing this whole thing up, and I might've just done that now. I gulped as Snape took that information in and we sat there in silence for a while until he spoke up, but his voice was very soft and quiet.

"You know you did bring this upon yourself, and you can't blame me for trying to talk to you about versus going right to Dumbledore and talking to him about it instead." It was sympathetic really, and I didn't understand why he would talk like that. I stayed silent for a while which I guess moved him to speak some more, probably trying to make me feel better and not scared.

"Listen, I didn't want to talk about this either, believe me." I still couldn't find my voice and was actually starting to think on how I could make this less nerve-wracking so I just asked him a simple yet kind of dumb question since I know the answer already.

"Do don't need to have these kinds of talks often, do you?" He shook his head no and now I could feel that he wanted me to speak and continue to speak for as long as I could and knowing this I was very anxious, but I decided that since I'm already here, might as well face a fear I didn't know I had.

"Look, if you don't want to talk about it, which I get, can we just forget this ever happened?" I said leaning forward in my chair as in ready to get up and leave, but his next response made me want to stay longer.

"You know, I've been in the same place as you, and you can't just forget these feelings. Trust me, they're the reason I'm so cold to everyone and why my life has become dark." I was shocked to hear him confess something to me. I really wasn't ready to hear that and it stunned me, not gonna lie. I give him a look of interest but also mixed with shock and empathy. His face was softened and kind, but as soon as he saw my reaction of empathy it faded away and the cold hard Snape was back. I let off a disappointed expression and then said,

"But this time those words don't matter do they?" I realized how attacking those words sounded and instantly wanted to take them back, but it was too late now. He was giving off a vibe of sadness or guilt rather than making me feel that way since that was the way he had treated me and everyone else for years before now and it's hard to think that he could try and be nice. He sighed and said,

"It really does seem that way doesn't it?" I nodded lightly and dropping my head down a little to break eye contact with him, he continued with,

"Maybe it doesn't have to be that way... for you." I was shocked and lifted my head back up to look at him and he just gave off a slight smile and he totally changed right in front of me. His posture softened and the muscles in his face relaxed and his eyes, good god his eyes, they shone with so much sympathy and possibly love that I instantly relaxed too and took in a deep breath waiting for what would happen next. Soon enough he leaned forward in his chair and got up. I stood up with him and he said,

"You should probably go now, it's a few minutes until curfew." My eyes widened once again in fear.

I'm going to get caught by Filch and have to do some sort of scary punishment"Don't worry though, if you don't make it back in time, I'm always here to give an explanation." He said pointing to his head.

"You probably don't know it, but if you can block someone out of your head then you most likely can enter someone's head." I nodded after I learned something new and made my way over to the door with Snape following me. Before I could leave he turned me around and asked me,

"Why don't you give it a try. Try it on me." I shrugged and focused on him and him alone, feeling myself push into a cold and hard barrier like it was right in front of me but there was nothing there. I felt the wall drop and I instantly pushed into his mind and was brought to his mind only to hear him say to me through his thoughts,

"See? It really isn't that hard once you get it, and neither is this." He had trapped me in his mind, closing the wall behind me, but I had pushed myself out. Once my mind was back in its rightful place I noticed Snape leaning in and felt my own body leaning towards his. Soon enough his hands cupped my cheeks and the coldness of them seeped to my hot skin. He looked at my face getting in every detail until he brought his eyes to mine and at that point, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him into me causing our lips to crash together. Soon enough he started to kiss me and we moved our lips in sync causing my legs to go weak by the way his lips covered mine and how passionate and sweet his kisses were. Before I could actually fall to the floor he wrapped his arm around my waist and I could feel myself go light-headed with the feeling of his cold touch on me and the fact that we were face deep into each other. But all good things have to come to an end and I slowly pulled away from him still in his arms looking into his deep onyx eyes. Not knowing what to do next and being so full of love and happiness I smiled and gently laughed which made Severus smile and laugh a little too.

"Okay, but you should really get going."

"Yeah." I was still in his arms and leaning tight against his chest and I said,

"I'm going to need to be set free to be able to go you know."

"Oh yeah right." He gently dropped his hands and rubbed the back of his neck. I put my hand on the door to leave, but before I opened it I said to him,

"And thank you for understanding me." He smiled at me and it just filled me up so much that I turned back to him and gave him a deep long hug, soon enough he returned it and I needed to feel his lips one last time before whoever knows when again. It was much more gentle and loving than the last and I left his office feeling like I was at the top of the world. I basically ran back the whole way to my dorm to tell Luna and Cho feeling like I would never run out of energy every time his laugh played back in my head or his smile showed up in my vision. Once I burst through the door getting their attention I closed the door, cast a sound-proof spell around the walls and just yelled at them,

"We kissed!" Luna literally jumped up and grabbed me in a huge big hug and spun us around as Cho screamed and was super shocked. Soon enough I was laughing and daydreaming about him along with tears flowing strongly down my face. After we had calmed down a bit an owl landed in our window and dropped off a letter. I grabbed it to see who it was for and yet again I had received a letter with my name on it in Snape's handwriting, I squealed again and basically jumped onto Luna who was ready to sleep for tonight.

"Read it, read it!" Cho said from the other side of the room on her bed and I opened it carefully making sure not to rip the parchment and read it out loud for them to hear.

Dear Cloe, Yes this is random and there really wasn't any need for me to write this to you, but I just want you to know that if you need help with anything I'm here for you. If you need any comfort I'm always by your side and I will never leave it. You have finally made me come out of my hard shell and have made me realize that living in the past is never a good thing. I couldn't imagine what would've happened if I missed you and didn't give myself another chance at love. You truly mean a lot to me, and I know that I mean a lot to you, and that's all I've ever wanted to feel.

Sincerely, SS

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