#my motivation to keep me going
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decided to draw some of your guys' tags from my harlequin sun and moon post!!! These guys are so much fun and you're all so funny >w<
#there were so many i wanted to draw!!! I might have to go back and do a part two hehe#also too scared to spam everyone by tagging accounts but i need you guys to know i love you all sm!! sending u all so many little kisses!!!#fnaf#fnaf fan art#fnaf security breach#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf dca#dca fandom#dca au#fnaf sun moon#digital art#artist on tumblr#harlequin#clowns#answered asks#<- this doesn't really count but because i am drawing other people's tags i'm putting it here!#folks commenting on my art really motivate me to keep drawing ;w; you are all so insanely sweet and absolutely make my day every time!!! <3#just over here crying akjsfhsf thank you all so mucchhhhhhh ;;w;;#harlequin au
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If we're not giving up, don't give up wherever you are.
That's a promise.
#im not even sure if you can see whats going on clearly on that last pic but i give up im too tired#scenario: we get to interact with the lost soul. cuz its not like he can see us.... but he would definitely know its not frisk though#considering deltarune noelle can hear our voice wHY NOT HUH?? HUH??? WHY NOT US WITH SANS#IM THROWING THAT LINE BACK AT YOU SANS#whats gonna happen after this? he probably wont remember. everyone canonically only remembers flowey and then a flash of white after.#but we will keep that moment close in our hearts hehe#IF HE WERE TO REMEMBER THE VOICE? id say it would become his lil own personal motivation. remembering it brightens his mood on bad days.#it still makes me lose my mind#that THAT PROMISE LINE#is in the code#but is never directly seen in game#BUT ITS THERE#AND THE IMPLICATIONS#makes me so damn emotional#anyways this scene is going to my delusional fanfic that im debating on whether im even going to post it or not#we shall see#sansnomaly#sans x reader#sans x self insert#sans undertale#junie art post
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Finish to read my first shoujo of my childhood
#cardcaptorsakura#cardcaptorsakuraclearcardarc#sakura kinomoto#syaoran li#syaosaku#i only watched the anime#i knew they were some weird stuff in manga and EEEEH i didn't expect THIS much#ty syaosaku for motivating me to keep going#my art
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another wip, that i wont be able to finish for a while
#guys send help and motivation for the next week i have 3 tests and a homework to finish rip#star wars#obi wan kenobi#commander cody#codywan#my art#wip#uni is kicking my ass so badly 😭#trying my best not get back to the mindset i was in the past few months#but its hard like this ugh#at least only a week and exam mont left of this semester#sorry for rambling here 🤣#you guys should watch the vampire gay show#thats what keeps me going its so good#im obsessed with it#i made a typo *month#thise drawing was also inspired by that show#its great show#i think i need sleep why im still rambling here#okay sorry if you are still reading the tags#made another typo *this#*screams silently*
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#wip#he's fighting holographic training dummies supplied by her kingdom#no cookies are in his path of destruction dw#when goldie isnt in the mood to spar she brings up holo training dummies for bspice to play with instead#bs cant technically go full blown pacifist. virtue of destruction. duh. doesn't mean gc cant give him something to obliterate safely though#i have other wips for them and some other cookies im just struggling to get the inspo and motivation.#also terribly sorry for disappearing out of the blue. my top hyperfixation decided it was time to steal my train of thought again#im gonna keep working on crk as much as possible but haikyu has got me in a choke hold again so bear with me'''#cookie run kingdom#crk#golden cheese cookie#burning spice cookie#burningcheese#goldenspice#art#crnl's crk journal
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ive been struggling big time coming up with anything funny to draw that hasnt been done yet so have my rw au art dump
#ive never actually done a dump like this before i usually just keep the doodles to myself. new experience#ive been getting better at drawing rw lizards in a way i like#also doll and beau are there cause i felt like it#i need to change dolls patterns. how do you people just design these#it being finals week has not helped my motivation in the slighest#thinking through the plot in my head some more made me notice some glaring plotholes so ive gotta go fix that probably#or just ignore some of the scenes#this would be a lot easier to figure out if i could write#im so tired but i feel bad not posting here#while looking for which tags i used in my last rwmd posts i discovered i accidentally reblogged something#how did that happen. what#fyi i guess i tend to not reblog things cause i like keeping this blog mostly art#art#murder drones#rain world#too lazy to tag characters figure it out
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i really really really really really missed drawing them omg
#my art#fallout new vegas#fallout#fnv#benny gecko#sadie/benny#benny x courier#courier six#courier 6#sadie knox#im working on a shitton of clothing refs n outfit designs for Sadie and it's taking f o r e v e r#but im glad im taking my time -- adhd usually means i rush art bcz im excited to see it done and im trying not to do that anymore shdhd#i posted the 3 sets that are done so far on sadie's TH profile btw !! 2 more sets to go#holding off on posting here until all of them are done (this “fake rule” i made up is keeping me motivated to get them done LAUGHS)#but anyway have this extremely quick doodle of these con-artists that r in love (for better or for wose)
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Reina! — Twitter post (but I retouched it a bit just now lol)
#my art#fanart#digital art#Fields of Mistria#reina fields of mistria#okay i keep coming back to look at her bc i miss her#reina fans are we going STRONG!?!#i keep getting lazy to play fom but she's motivating me#and olric. imy you olric
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1000 notes and I’ll finish this doomed laurmau I’m super busy these days LOLLL
#aphmau#mcd aphmau#mcd laurance#aphmau minecraft diaries#minecraft diaries#minecraft fanart#aphmau fanart#laurance zvahl#physics 2 e&m is killing me rn#working 3 jobs technically too like 😭😭 it’s over for me#chat can I get an L for me and laurmau#for me specifically I don’t think I’m making it to week 10#anyway print preorder period closes in a week yahhh#excited tbh my motivation to keep going#laurmau
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I was bored so I made this for fun. Might make more since I have nothing better to do. [Achromatic Loop AU]
#tsp achromatic loop au#I literally have not been making any content for the Achromatic Loop au#poor Narrator [Grey] and Stanley#I'm gonna try and build up the motivation to animate them by making small fun things for them first#so I at least have something to keep me going#I'm not forcing myself mind you. I'm just more hyperfocused on the Blank Scripts AU#I know I'm gonna make more content for them. Problem is not even I know when LMAO#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#tspud#tsp#tsp narrator#narrator tsp#tsp au#tsp animation#vocaloid#my drawing museum
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Bout that essay titled 'A study of Gortash's twisted love of humanity'- yk what fuck it here goes nothing. Back into a facists megalomaniacs mind we go. Spoiler; this is long.
But first of all; let's do a thought experiment. Let's just assume, for shits and giggles, Gortash's position would've somehow been swapped with any other the other chosen or another Banite:
Let's start with the Banites: if we had gotten anyone except for Gortash Baldur's Gate would've been fucked. Like genuinely. Banites are cruel, vicious, unashamedly gaudy (they suck ass at infiltration missions) and they exploit loopholes perhaps even better than fiends. Any other Banite would've simply reveled in the fear caused by rampant myrkulites and bhaalists and probably stoked that fire by employing some of their own forces. And depending on whether the Zhents join the winning side or not they would've probably used and abused the black network to absolutely dominate trade and potentially choke out every non desirable in the city itself by fun activities such as grand scale slavery, starving an entire city, or simply employing enough mercenaries and some Bhaalist to get the job done. Banites fuck everyone over so hard they usually don't even stop at themselves, and prideful cruel beings who know absolutely no bounds in their desire for power commonly don't hesitate, especially not Banites who thrive in backstabbing. So the other chosen and the grand design are fucked cuz they will most certainly get removed for the sake of someone more desirable the second they somehow irk Banes favourite toy. Which in some specific cases (all of them) would be in 5 minutes flat. If you thought the local nobility was bad just wait until you see a Banite in their natural environment.
Ketheric: Yeah Baldur's Gate is fucked. Ketheric cares about one thing and one thing only; Isobel. And he employs a bunch of sadistic necromancers who have no concept of personal boundaries or consent for that matter, so chances are he'd let them roam freely in Baldur's Gate, making the streets a huting ground for his followers to find prime subjects to perform inhumane experiments on all while he turns a blind eye; either busy trying to get Isobel under his (mind-) control, reviving her or treating a brainless puppet that looks and once was his daughter like his one true solution to decades of grief and fucking up. He wouldn't care about what happens to the city, to the other chosen or even the grand design. He'd follow his gods orders but thats about it and no matter whether that's still Myrkul or Bane; everyone's fucked cuz surpringly the guy who adores lichdom more than life and the other guy who'd rather 'burn everyone's fields than loose' aren't about to give out any orders that will benefit anyone but themselves.
Orin: Another great case of 'yeah Baldur's Gate is fucked'. Orin wants one thing and one thing only: recognition. Preferably from Bhaal but she'd take anyone at this point. The problem about this whole thing is, she's been conditioned and instilled with so much self-loathing my dearest murder princess can't even begin to realise when she's getting shown any sort of adoration anymore and immediately understands it as mockery, see, for example, her butler. Is what I would say if their corpse wasn't chilling in Durges old bedroom. All Orin would do is stage ever grander and more elaborate public massacres and involuntary 'anatomy displays'. Baldur's Gate wouldn't simply be fucked; give her a week, and the majority of it would be dead. This works well for Bhaal, but for anyone else, it would kinda suck. Including the other two of the dead three. And the cult would probably still loathe her simply due to her not being a true Bhaalspawn, so cue Orin's madness reaching an absolute boiling point. She doesn't and would never care for any of the other chosen or the grand design. Unless she's reigned in, she's a utterly loose canon, even more so than she was already, with Gortash or Durge at the helm, respectively.
Now time for my favourite of the reckless murder hobos; Durge. Given the few in game notes we have Durge had a thing for obliteration. Including but not limited to every living being + themselves. So let's just assume Gortash’s cocky upstart charm and Orins assassination attempt didn't work out as planned and they are still the de facto leader but now without any leash. Baldur's Gate is probably obliterated. Alongside whatever else remains of the sword coast. Or Troil. They'd probably also have some weird ass fuck relationship with the brain cuz they already did without being the undisputed leader. And the brain would probably discard the grand design themselves cuz somehow Durge has that effect on things (might be the innate charm magic of Bhaalist priests that they use to convince people to join a literal murder cult). Either way, with Durge not giving a single damn about the other chosen, any plans but Bhaals (or their misunderstood version of it) and a dramatic love for self-obliteration, it may finally be time to remedy the elves' mistake and rip Abeir-Toril apart properly. Ao hates this trick, alongside everyone else, probably including Bhaal himself.
Which is all my longwinded way of saying; Gortash is the lesser evil. In any set of circumstances he displays enough leniency, monster fucker vibes and rationality to somehow keep this ruined, sinking ship from hitting the sea floor immediately. He has enough of a twisted love for humanity left, compared to the others, to a degree that he doesn't blindly follow orders or actively seeks the destruction of everything, let alone 'true' domination the way Bane intends to have it.
But yes, indeed, Gortash performed fucked up and cruel experiments. No doubt about that. And yet it was still on a lesser scale than a mad massive hoard of necromancers could, and his experiments, for the most part, actually yielded results, didn't they? Presumably, the Coginator and the remote control brain mechanism used for the Steelwatch. After all, there are zombies(?) in there, controlling that shit. However, the experiments on loving families were probably one of his selfish indulgences and his sorry attempt at figuring out if he was just born loathsome and his family sucks ass or if that's normal and humanity doesn't deserve a second chance. Or a 30th. FR lore is fucked up.
This is also a great transition to exhibit B of my thesis why Gortash does in fact love or is at the very very very least heavily intrigued by humanity; the sole existence of the Steelwatch. Listen, my guy serves Bane. Bane hates planning. He likes immediate results. So much so he actively pisses off his situationship Bhaal for it. Repeatedly. And he likes fear and tyranny. So what do you think the chances are that the black hand would actually enjoy the thought of a mecha army patrolling the streets of Baldur's Gate, keeping them save, and worst of all, instilling hope in the hearts of the populous, peasants and nobles alike? Yeah, absolutely fucking none. And yet Gortash did that. And he's not even just a regular banite. He's Banes chosen. He carries a part of Bane's divinity within himself. He has the de facto highest position in the local faith. He's Banes favourite toy rn. He's the centre of attention and he still goes out of his way to use things that could 1000% inspire fear and hatred to sow fucking hope and a sense of safety of all things in plain sight? I bet his adorable wrinkly ass that Bane wasn't happy and that even a thousand rituals to redeem his leniency won't save him from getting tortured extra hard for this fuck up. And considering the state of the Banites scriptures we found, and his entire character, Gortash is smart enough to know this is something Bane absolutely loathes. And yet my guy did that.
Another thing is the hive mind. Bane would probably not hate it outright, as its still 'burning the fields' by turning souls illithid, but it's wasted potential. Because there's so many great things you can do with a hivemind and the remote control over people's thoughts and emotions, for example instilling fear and terror the very things Bane loves. But that's, once again, not Gortash plan. If the notes and one of the evil endings is anything to go by the hivemind doesn't trap people in a state of torment, it does the polar opposite. People are happy, enjoying a better, simpler and nicer life. Enjoying an idea of what their life could've been like. They're smiling, happy, enjoying a casual market stroll and the bountiful rewards of the fields. Which is all things that a good Banite should hate and never inflict on someone. AND YET that's presumably Gortashs plan. Create a hivemind where everyone can dream happily and do soulless labour without noticing it while the world goes to absolute shit but the people do not. It's basically noah's arc. It's paradise in hell. The people are 'saved' while the gods continue to fight their petty games, and Gortash alone lords over this perfect dream. Protecting it answer using it to advance further.
Now, about the busts found in his office. Most of them depicted rather unsavoury, cruel people. Except for one. Which honours a self made person who took pity on those who had less. On those considered lesser by the upright and honourable citizens of the Gate. It's weird how, between all those symbols and testaments to cutlery and tyranny, there's still a sliver of empathy, renegade justice and even care for fellow humans imbued, isn't it? And what's even weirder, all of them are found in Gortash's most private place? His own little office hidden far above the grandeur of the throne room and the Fortress, where he sits at the helm, lording over his subjects and scheming his little plans? This is an excellent example of show, don't tell btw. It's hitting you over the head with the implications. But just in case, this might very well be a reflection of Gortashs mind itself and the visible expression of him being incapable of letting go of humanity as a whole, still carrying it somewhere not even that well buried between the resentment and cruelty but out in plain view for everyone curious enough to touch it because what others reason would he have tob'play the benelovent ruler' in a place where no one sees it? Where only his most trusted and fellow Banites mingle?
And, ofc, as I am a durgetash truther, another exhibit. Him fucking Bhaals gore baby and putting a leash on it prematurely. You see, I've already talked about Banes likes and dislikes plenty so it should come as no surprise that the Edgelord Surpreme wouldn't hate carnage wrought upon foolish mortals by idiots who follow lesser gods than himself, since it would still somehow contribute to people being scared and panicking. But Gortash, being the ever faithful fuck up of a Banite, reigns in the Bhaalist and even the Myrkulites enough for that to kinda never really happen. He stopped the carnage from happening altogether, in fact, by giving the others enough scraps to keep them satisfied and from acting out but not enough freedom to fuck up his plans. I mean, heck he was apparently so convincing he managed to get Durge, again, biggest fan of self-obliteration, from going on an apocalyptic rampage cuz 'daddy I like his brain and I don't mean for dinner'. Him doing that actively contributed to preventing another Bhaalspawn crisis, which could've very well happened with Bhaals resurgence and revival, 2.5 loose canons and no ward of a random old guy in sight. But also him providing a clear goal and orders for Ketheric kept the lich from giving in to the sweet release of just not caring at all whatsoever. Everyone had their designated roles and boundaries and that was perhaps the only thing keeping this group of mentally unstable creatures from unleashing an apocalyptic nightmare; which again would've worked in their gods favour and technically didn't need any prevention.
And about the Gondians... Yeah this is gonna sound fucked up, cuz it is, but Gortash is actually treating them exceptionally nice. Their families are actually still alive and its not just a lie he's telling them, we don't actually see anyone getting flayed, strung up or tortured in some other way outright, they actually get to wear clothes and presumably they're fed enough to a degree that most of them can still somewhat work and the collar and the threat of your head exploding does suck but he could've also simply chained them to their work stations but they aren't. Let alone use charms or other beguiling and fucked up magic to force them into complacency. And they're not being resold or redistributed or forced to serve some random ass guy. The Gondians are, from a Forgotten Realms and probably Bane's perspective, treated exceptionally well. As are their families. Still undoubtedly fucked up and kinda sadistic with the whole explosion collar but objectively speaking he's one of the nicer slave masters. And they do allow him to produce the Steel Watchers en mass which once again contributes to the overall safety of Baldurs Gate and its other citizens. Still the lesser evil.
Though to be fair; Gortash also did some things Bane would really celebrate. Like somehow cheating his way into obtaining the Iron Throne, fucking Bhaals favourite and most fucked up """"child"""" and of course, keeping his parents alive and in agony to eternally fuel Banes fear kink. Except, it's only Sally who's afraid. Dravo is basically a blue screen of death personified at this point. He's a hollow, numb husk, isn't he? So somehow this once again doesn't align with Banes goals and Gortash's duty as a Banite. He's fucked it up again. But Gortash could've also simply killed them if all he wanted was revenge. Why go out of your ways, program elaborate scripts into them, keep the very place that testaments his fucked up past in good condition? Because a quick death would be too merciful? But then why is he so quick to turn on Durge if they betray him in a much smaller scale than his parents did. Well, perhaps he chose not to simply kill the very people who prepared Belladonna in the kitchen when he came to visit because he himself still needs them. Because underneath all that rage and spite there's still a broken boy who wants to hear his parents, albeit empty praise, and who wants to prove to them that he can be better? That his useless playing around actually helped better humanity, that he himself helped countess people and made lives better when all they thought he'd be useful as would be a pawn?
So, is it twisted? Yes. Is it rotten? Absolutely. Is it anything you'd consider to be 'conventional'? Absolutely not. But he does hold some wildly fucked up 'love' for humanity, if only as means to a grander goal (that being himself, ofc) or perhaps cuz he's genuinely incapable of letting go. Whether it's that, to spite Raphael, Bane and his parents or someone else, who knows. Probably nobody. But the shit he does is unorthodox and oddly self-sacrificial in a way where I just can't go, 'yeah no he absolutely loathes the sheer existence of the concept'.
I still think it's a missed opportunity he's not trying to build a spelljamming port though. I feel like he would absolutely do that somewhere down the line, if only to limit the black networks influence.
#okay thx for reading enough madman ramblings#i am that meme#yk which one#thats how it looks inside my brain 24/7#also not to expose myself as a weeb but#gortash is literally the light yagami or eren yaeger of baldurs gate#becoming the lesser evil and a genocidal maniac so 'his' people may experience a moment of peace safety and respite#one might even say he shares similarities witn griffith or bondrewd#but i won't cuz i dont need a hatemob to find me#anyway thats it folks#i condensed it nd kept it as sane as i could#don't wanna hit tumblrs letter cap again#been there done that already#yk i could've spent this time working on my longfic and cultivating ideas of how gortash would simultaneously elevate and fuck up the city#if he lived through bg3 cuz i like that idea#but here i am detailing how deranged he is#oh well just gotta keep thinking about the toxic old man yaoi even harder now to make up for it#imagine me going on a madmans ramble like this but for my blorbo#and their fucked up relationship#i rly should do that one day#bg3#enver gortash#bg3 gortash#lord gortash#i just noticed i forgot the orphan pipebomb bit#more on that later ig#also why i'm at it his general approach is similar to calcazar but their motivations are still different#it's hard to put into words without me spinning the argument in my mind for a lil longer but yeah#wouldn't say they're on common ground
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guess who
I've seen a few artists I like making human art and I got inspired to make my own.
First version was based just on their character designs and personality, and what inspired their look in the first place. Second version happened when I took into account their backstory and what I imagine human versions of their parents' would look like. I don't consider either of these "canon", because to me they're just trolls but it was a fun experiment to try.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming of me drawing little colorful dolls
#my dumbasses 🫶#ex bandmates#trolls oc#hed#les#dreamworks trolls#trolls#human trolls#my art#Trolls genres are weird and even though I can see them kind of as different human races (along other things)#I don't think you can compare them with real world races/nationalities.#As in I don't think you can point at a troll genre and say it's the equivalent of x race.#For me it varies from troll to troll even between trolls who are related.#So making a 'perfect' human version of these two brothers started feeling more and more like#like a mission impossible the more time I spent on this...#So these drawings are just two attempts#and I wanted to share.#also on a different note#the first les's hair is supposed to look pretty greasy. can anyone tell? (bc a friend said they can't see it)#and i feel like the first hed doesn't fit stylistically with the rest#probs because i drew him first. after not drawing a human for like 4 months (such is the life of a troll obsessor)#but i do love how he looks so i didn't want to go in and redraw him#also i don't have any more motivation for this and i just keep focusing on and picking at lil details#so i'm posting to get it off my hands :P
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I'll ask after that secret number 8!
I only remembered secret number 8 because I saw your wip here! I'd started this one based on the same prompt, then lost said prompt and stopped working on it 😅
Instead of a snippet, I'm just dropping it all here - maybe that way I'll feel inspired to finish it?
———
It’s a full house for dinner tonight and, really, that should have tipped him off.
Bruce sits at the head of the table, smiling softly as he watches over everyone’s antics. Damian is regaling Dick with everything they saw at the zoo that day (Danny had been so happy to see Delilah the purpleback gorilla again, and her new little additions to the troupe, too!) and how well they are implementing the grant the Wayne Foundation had gifted them. Tim, Steph, Cass, and Duke are all engaged in a thumb-war tournament which Danny has no interest in participating in. It just wouldn’t be fair on them.
Danny loves that look. The one where Bruce’s eyes crinkle when he thinks none of the kids can see him. It oozes love and it makes Danny’s heart, his core, ache.
It’s been a little over a year since Alfred found him on the street and managed to wrangle him back to the manor to stay—even after the whole biting thing when he realised how rich they were.
A little over a year here and Danny’s starting to feel like family.
Starting to feel like he might, just maybe, like to make it official.
“Danny,” Bruce says, drawing everyone’s attention. Danny starts at his name, but Bruce’s voice is warm and calm, and his shoulders lose their tension almost immediately. “Danny, I have something I would like to tell you.”
“Uhhh…” is all Danny can croak out, eyes flicking back and forth between Bruce and the rest of them. Smooth. Looking good, Danny.
Except… they’re all happy. All smiles, all relaxed body language, all radiating calm and love and acceptance. Well, not Damian—his face is as thunderous as it always is—which at least means it’s nothing too out of the ordinary.
“Danny, first of all, I just want to impress upon you that this is in no way something you have to do. You are under no obligation to join us and, no matter what, you shall always be welcome with us in the manor.”
Wait, what? Danny squints at Bruce, trying to parse exactly what he’s saying… Is he—is this them asking to adopt him? Do they want to make it official, too?
It’s been a little over a year and of course Danny has imagined calling Bruce ‘Dad’. Of course he’s imagined being part of the family, of course he wants to make it official!
He can’t help the beaming grin or the bright and bubbling “Yes!” already waiting on his lips. All Bruce has to do is ask, all Danny needs to hear is—
“I’m Batman.”
The smile freezes on Danny’s face.
His lungs stop working, his heart stops working, he stops working, he just—
“And I’m Nightwing,” Dick smiles, breaking the awkward silence.
Danny’s eyes snap to him, and then down to Tim when he admits to being Red Robin. Duke is Signal, Steph is Spoiler. Damian begrudgingly tells him he’s Robin, but Danny can barely hear it over the ringing in his ears.
“I’m Black Bat.” Cass cocks her head, almost looking concerned. It always felt like she understood him the most. Whenever he was feeling low, too in his memories, or stewing after a nightmare, she was always there, ready to card her fingers through his hair and never mention his tears. It makes his heart ache to think of it now. “It’s okay, Danny.”
It’s meant to be reassuring, but how—how can it be okay? How?
Danny’s spent a little over a year with them. A little over a year with Batman.
Batman, who works with the Justice League, who works with…
A little over a year.
Just under 16 months since he escaped.
“Danny? Are you alright?” Bruce asks
Finally, his lungs kickstart and suck in a shuddering breath, only for everyone to drop their smiles.
Didn’t take them long, did it? Now that their ruse is up, there’s no kindness in their eyes, they’re just… cold, calculating. Evaluating.
“Why?” Danny gasps, his fingers tingling, his heart in his throat.
Just under 16 months since he—has he escaped? Or was this just another one of their experiments?
"I... I trusted you, why—" Danny chokes back a sob, gritting his teeth as his shoulders shake. Why? Why would they do this? "I was happy here, with you. I thought... Weren't you happy?"
"Danny..." Bruce is looking at him, eyes narrow and eyebrows pinched, in some cruel facsimile of confused concern and all Danny can think is how much of an actor he is. How well he can play the part of a doting father. How much he made him want that.
"I don't understand, why..."
"I'm sorry we didn't tell you before, I can imagine that it comes as a shock. We shouldn't have lied to you, Danny, but—"
"Stop it!" Danny slams his hands down on the table and pushes himself up on wobbly legs. Even standing, he feels so small. Smaller than Bruce, than all of his adopted siblings. They crowd above him when they all stand, too. "Just stop it! Why are you doing this, why are you still pretending? Stop it!"
It was easier, with Danny's biological parents. The knowledge that they'd do anything to get him on a lab table, to open him up and see what makes him tick, to rip him apart molecule by molecule, had always been there. He knew they hated ghosts. He knew they hated Phantom. He knew they hated him. It was easier because it was something he'd known all his life. When he died, when he became a ghost, he knew what to expect from them. It hurt, of course it did.
But it was easier than this.
"Danny, I'm going to need you to take a deep breath. You're having a panic attack and you need to breathe."
"Breathe?" Danny laughs, the sound harsh and choking, too high pitched in his hysteria. "You're joking, right? Or is this just more of the—the experiment?"
"Danny, please, we don't know what you're talking about, you—"
"You don't know? You're Batman! You work with the Justice League, you work with—" His words choke off as his stomach churns, bile rising in his throat. His whole body itches, screaming at him to leave, he can't go back, he can't, he can't, he can't!
Bruce takes a hesitant step forward and Danny scrambles back, his feet catching on the chair behind him and sending him careening to the floor. Where are the agents? Why aren't they swarming in, ready to apprehend him, strap him back on the table, carve him from the inside out.
"Please, Danny, calm down. We don't—"
Danny stops listening. His back hits the wall and he pulls his knees into his chest, his shoulders dipping down as he begins to sob. His heart throbs inside his throat, too painful to swallow around. Tears fall hot and heavy on his face.
Sure, he could run. He could phase out through the wall and he could be out of Gotham in a couple of hours. He's escaped the GIW once, he can do it again.
But that was before Batman knew who he was. Before he had the World's Greatest Detective on his tail.
Before he...
He really thought this would be different, you know?
He wanted to make it official.
"Why did... Why were you so nice to me? Why did you make me like you? I really—I really liked you. I-I thought we could be a family."
"Danny, we are a—"
"Don't lie to me!" Danny snaps, but the force of his anger leeches all the fight from him, and suddenly all that's left is a bone-weary tiredness. There’s a lump in his throat that hurts. There’s a line down his chest that burns. "I don't care. I don't care anymore, I don't. Just... don't make me go back there. Please."
Is it futile? He thought he knew how the GIW operated by now, the depths that they would go to achieve their results, but this... this was a whole new level of pain that Danny thought he had left behind him in Amity.
"We're not going to make you go anywhere, Danny, you're safe here, I promise."
"Safe? Safe? You must have—" he takes a deep breath, tries to stop the quivering of his voice. It’s all starting to make sense, now. "The reason you're telling me who you are is because you must have told them everything already. I know the Justice League—I know you're working with them, which means the ex-experiment is over now, and they're coming to take me back. And I can't go back."
"Danny—"
"I can’t!” Danny glares at Bruce with all the rage he can, fingernails digging into his skin. “I’m not going back!"
"That's right, you're not going back, Danny. I won't let that happen." Bruce crouches down in front of Danny, his hands open and raised as if he's trying to say he's not a threat. "I don't know who you're talking about, and I'm sorry about that, but I can promise you that you’re not going back there. We will keep you safe."
Danny pulls himself closer, tucks himself further into the wall, eyes flickering all across the room waiting for that tell-tale flash of white as the agents start to swarm.
He should take his chances now and run, he should go, he needs to go!
The rest of them, his brothers and sisters of a little over a year, are spread out, giving him and Bruce some space. The same concern colours all of their faces. Why are they still pretending?
Steph is chewing on her thumb.
Danny liked Steph and her brash confidence, her jokes. She's been promising to paint his nails for months now, they've just never found the time. He was going to go for green and black, or maybe a galaxy theme, depending on what she felt comfortable doing.
He likes them all.
"You were supposed to be my family." His mouth turns down at the corners and his voice shakes like a child. "You were supposed to—why? Why would you—I don't understand why you would make me like you..."
"This isn't an experiment, Danny," Bruce's voice is steady, soothing. "I promise."
"But you work with them and—"
"Who do I work with?"
"The Justice League."
"Yes, I do, but we—"
"And the Justice League works with them. The GIW." Danny trembles with the name, clutching tightly onto his hoodie. "I'm not going back there, Bruce."
Danny doesn't miss Bruce's look over his shoulder, nor Tim's nod in return. Tim turns slightly to the side to hide his movements, but Danny bets he has his phone in his hand, probably letting them know they can take him now. Guess this is it, then. They'll be here soon, and he'll be gone.
"Kill me."
"Danny? What do—"
"If you ever had any kindness for me, if you ever cared, kill me. Please, Bruce. I can't do it again."
"Danny..."
"End me now. Take my core out and break it, please, before they get here."
#dpxdc#dcxdp#dpxdc fanfic#wip game#thanks for the ask <3 and thanks for helping me remember this fic lol#also huge thanks for having the prompt linked because i have S O M A N Y prompt wips that i can't ever post because i've lost the post#didn't really know how to get danny to calm down#that's a lie#i have a few ideas of where this can go but no motivation for it - not against all the other wips#i'll keep at it and ig post to ao3 should it actually start looking alright#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#dudes did u kno u can pin shit to your clipboard on desktop because i fucking love that#also if you use the windows key + . there's like emojis and shit#(((φ(◎ロ◎;)φ)))#<- and kaomoji too!!!!!#anyway that's been fun facts and fanfic with me. ur welcome#oh shit my writing tag#hailsatanacrab🦀🦀writes#at some point 'oh shit my writing tag' will just become my writing tag#anyway thank you again for the ask#good night everyone!!!!!
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2024-03-26
Sometimes I think about how if the me that lived a year ago were to see what I am doing now, they would have a minor aneurysm. I think they would be so confused, and think “Woah, this person knows a lot!”
That makes me incredibly happy.
#it’s really motivating to feel yourself improve#like I know so much more now and it’s only been a semester and a half#sure I crawled here painfully and with much difficulty#but I made it and I’ll keep going#studyblr#studyspo#motivation#Maybe the only person I need to impress is yesterday’s me.#study aesthetic#aesthetic#student#my posts#stem academia
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#unrelated but i have artblock/motivation block & its frustrating me#ok keep going#scene revival#nostalgiacore#scenemo#stamps#pixel graphics#this makes me wanna fix up my stamp site & make it all pretty#early 2010s#scene#2000s#dm for credit or removal#2000s internet#moodboard#old internet#scenecore#scene kid#web graphics
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2021
#identity v#idv#luchino diruse#WOW these are Old and yet??#I still really like these hehe#I never posted these here I think..?#I'm going through my old photos again and sigh#I don't draw like I used to... its so sad...#I'm pretty sure I could still do it like my hands remember its just I don't have the patience and motivation for it anymore#I get home and I have a billion other things to do and idk why but I'm just so lazy when I get home#nothing gets done ohh and certainly not drawing anymore... sad....#but yknow I'm still drawing so once I can get my motivation back and get my shit together#the wedding is back on-- sjebfjgkg#I miss drawing luchino#I miss drawing idv in general really HAJFKVKB I keep saying and missing but#I can't really seem to bring myself to actually do it anymore ohh.... somethings not right with me I think#but idk I can still work and I still go to school so at least it's not doomed#big sighs anyways hopefully!! I can finish my school project tomorrow and I will start to work on my cosplay proper#and then I can draw something along the way... tianlang jun won't animate himself either... he's stuck under a mountain ai.....
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