#my mother is helping me so hopefully
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People make it look so easy to make a bodysuit. But I’ve never sewed on a zipper before. And doing it on a super thin material…will I ever finish? 😫
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Have a duck with Daisies on his head! He will peck your Art Block Away!
Goodbye now!
Ducks with daisies,,,,
#Thank you for the get well soon card LMAO#Hopefully they will! My art block is tremendously/cripplingly bad-#So much I wanna draw-! So many things!!#GAH PAIIINNNN#Thank you for the mini motivation gamer- hopefully it will help me outta it!#Welcome home#welcome home poppy#poppy partridge#Poppy becomes an adoptive mother confirmed???
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so. rescuing kittens, huh.
#paper craft#help me kdfhgkghj they dont let me sleep....#its hard being a single mother of three.#we're taking them to the shelter tomorrow but we've been caring for these babies for about 3 days now and oh my stars dgkhdfgdjgkd#anyways the one climbing siffrin is named cupid he was the first we found#the one by his foot is valentine she is a sweetheart??#and then the one below cupid is arrow she is very talented#there was a fourth kitten but we couldn't capture them :( hopefully they're okay!!!#this is very difficult <3 bc of many reasons!!! gonna vent a teeny rq buuuuut#i lost my therapy cat in november. and we can't afford to get me a cat in our current situation#which is fine!!!!!#but.... taking care of these guys is really triggering my mourning and grief something fierce#and also theyre incredibly physically taxing and it's making my disability flare up pretty rough#so this has been... an exhausting few days
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update on fancomics!
Part (chapter) 5 of Romance in Rivendel (my celrond fancomic) is Sooo close to being finished y'all! Just a few more pages :) Also just finalized the scripts for Part (chapter) 6, and will be working on the thumbnails today for it :D Part 6 introduces Glorfindel btw ;)
Also for Of Blessed Thyme & Thistle (my farawyn + Eothiriel fancomic), I've finished all the thumbnails for Chapter 1! Will be 33 pages in total 😳
I'm hoping to really 'crunch' down and get a bunch of pages finished before the end of november (tis' tricky tho! I'm moving house in November so we'll see how functional i am this coming month LOL) for the Comic Crunch Challenge! 52 pages may be a bit ambitious, especially seeing as I Am in the middle of moving house, but even if I get just a couple pages done, I'll be happy :)
Anyway, I hope to create a bit of a buffer for both these comics, so that we can hopefully see some more consistent updates going forward :D
#lotr#lord of the rings#silmarillion#the silmarillion#silm fanart#lotr fanart#lotr fanfic#silm fic#lotr fic#tolkien fanart#I feel like updating y'all on this to hold myself accountable XD but of course... don't hold me to it TOO Strictly I'm a#chronic illness girlie and i know that between the heavy duty moving part will take place during the 'bad' part of my pmdd cycle...#i also am already exhausted from packing old house stuff up LOL#so we'll see how productive outside the move i can even realistically be lol XD#That said! Even just finished thumbs for all current (and part 6 of RiR) chapters!! helps a ton :)#so hopefully that'll help there be more updates more consistently anyway :)#also DON'T @ me if Glorfindel wouldn't have been in imladris the same time Celebrian and her mother was staying there!!!! I wanna live in#ignorance about this whole thing XD the story is so much more fun with my golden boy in it
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I think the frustrating thing about Spotify recommendations is sometimes it really does introduce me to lots of cool Indie Bands that I really vibe with and allow me to try some new stuff and sometimes it keeps telling me that I need to Listen to Mother Mother (I have not listened to Mother Mother ever and at this point I never will because it is a pride thing.)
Or a random unfunny tiktok joke song from 3 years ago/ a viral YouTube song from over a decade ago.
#simon says#will probably delete this later#but yeah my recommendations are all mother mother and my spotify weekly is a mix between sweet ass new bands and unfunny bad joke songs#my spotify weekly has Cherry Bomb by the Runaways which is a good recommendation and then the Creative Song from don't hug me im scared#which is a bad recommendation to be clear#i know I have a couple of odd songs from things like shows or cartoon bumpers in my playlist (i got whats new scooby doo on there)#but that doesn't mean that I need to be recommended fuckin Death By Glamour??#like there's no videogame soundtracks in my playlist why the fuck is that there#If I wanna listen to Undertale music I would just listen to the vinyls I own!!#anyways this is just a vent against spotify#my weekly seems to have a LOT more indie stuff so imma check it out real fast#i want to discover more music because I do eventually want to just swap to mp3s and an mp3 player instead of spotify#that is one thing I like about Spotify the most is that it helps me find more bands that I like#but I could probably find stuff via looking up youtube playlists as well#so it's not worth paying for anymore#I asked for an mp3 player for Christmas so hopefully I get one and I can just start using that instead#i miss my mp3 these last 7 years without it have sucked I miss my designated music device#anyways dont have to worry about going ad free if you just have the digital files on your computer and put them directly in a player#😎👍
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...
#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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Hello welcome home community!
Today, I offer you clay puppet Howdy. Tomorrow? Who knows...
[Reblogs are greatly appreciated!]
#welcome home#welcome home arg#welcome home howdy#howdy pillar#my art#lets be real#posting him while he isnt finished is just my poor excuse to post something after months of radio silence#he's completely poseable tho (except for the head) so I'm pretty satisfied#hehe caterpillar puppet go brrrrrr#welcome home has infested my brain help me Ive already started to make a wally darling puppet#my brain is going down the drain#also ignore the mess in my room pretty please#Gotta say that he's not finished in the slightest since I don't know how to sew#Been a while since my last arts-and-crafts and sewing class in middle school but luckily my mother offered to help me make his clothes haha#Imma update this when he's finished 👀 (hopefully no pinky promise)#wh howdy
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Thinking about Orchid and Horror again.
#sorry that RealAge AU fic got me thinking about my own Bad Guys Adopt Small Child au again#and by that I mean Nightmare has a wartime Living Weapon baby (combining magic with Error) and then gets way too attached to it#Nightmare strikes me as thr kinda guy to recognize that he had his power unfairly thrust into his hands with no guidance by his mother#and so he raises his kid with strict but reasonable goals that can be attained with his help. he nurtures his daughter (Orchid) instead of#throwing her out of the nest#much to the surprise of the others#who then flock to being this little girl's support structure becayse now they've got a lil baby around and she's everything to them#(Orchid is closest with Horror tho hense the initial post)#I just firmly believe that Murderous Tendencies or not they'd each have their own devotion to her#like Killer watching her when Night's busy as his right hand (he likes to pretend that Orchid is his boss too. it's good for her.)#Dust being urged by Paps to kill her but deciding that. no. that'd make Papyrus a hypocrite and a shitty brither for wanting to harm Night's#innocent little harmless babybones.#then Cross getting unreasonably attached when he comes back to the castle just because she's so Cute abd Stubborn#and Horror seeing her as a little baby that needs caring for. he raused his bro right so Night trusts him to watch over her. he's like a#mother bear. he also teaches Orchid to be active and want to be strong. they're good qualities. oh and Love For Food. she eats her fill#amyways hopefully art is on the way too lmao#soon
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second life tip in 24 hours: pls do not drift by lunch esp if u have mental health struggles as is, you will suffer the quencies severely T^T
#i ran out of food in the house fhfjdkl bc i did not get groceries last week#so I've been scavenging the last couple days#and rationing stuff before that#and man. I shan't say more but. yeah. the quencies.#sifting thru many articles and studies abt covid also did not help my well-being but i needed to to send to my mother fjfjdl#she finally asked me to show sources when i said some stuff abt how every infection and reinfection heightens ur risk for MORE reinfection#so i had to go thru my stockpile and find some updated stuff to prove that she needs to continue to mask#and anyways fhffjdksl that took a definite hit on my brain for tonight. SIGH#i smile and nod along w so much bullshit but i could not keep my mouth shut on that one#rgrhrhrhh. holding myself back from ranting any more abt any other stuff going on. sigh.#lets just say... i am very tired fjfkdl this is no way to exist but alas!!! it is the cards I must play with !!!#im going to hopefully be able to work on art tonight fingers crossed fjdkdl i Need it fndmkl#vent //#dandy.cmd
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Hi. (Announcement in the tags)
#uhmm...i don't know how to explain this...#so my family has been having a lot of trouble lately#mostly our relationship with our step father#there's been ups and downs..well..more on the downer side. the only main reason my mother married him was because of..well..#money..as trash as that sounds. i can't deny the fact that I've been able to continue my studies due to his financial support.#i don't want to justify anything that i've probably done wrong to him but emotionally right now—i'm simply scarred to the point where—#I don't think I could heal without professional help. I've been struggling a lot with it ever since of what he did#i felt disgusted. dirty. I felt lost. I didn't want to forgive him. maybe this is the punishment i have to endure because I didn't have it—#—in me to forgive him. I know the principles of my religion and it is stated that one must always find forgiveness towards others.#no matter how big their mistake is. but you see—I'm not God. I am human. my kindness isn't as grand and as big as Him.#my patience is limited and so is my forgiveness#that applies the same to my mother. my mother is a very patient person when it comes to her husband. but yet again she isn't an angel—#nor is she God. she is also human and has limits to what she could handle and what she could forgive and forget.#they argued tonight. and I don't think it'll slide or end well like the past arguments. and I'm sorry to say but—#I won't be able to be active all that much either.#without him now I'll probably have to look for part time jobs. which is gonna limit how active I will be here and on my main account#I will probably go into an indefinite hiatus for some time#maybe I'll come back...maybe I won't. hopefully I will. just...pray for me that I have it in me to continue doing what I love and—#—sharing these little bits of what I do in my free time with you.#I won't have the time to reply to anything for the time being. college tests are on the way and I have to prepare myself for—#—the better or worse.#if things go downhill and you don't hear from me for a long while. then this will probably be my last post here.#I'll still be able to reply to messages on other platforms#but I just don't have the emotional stability to talk right now. No it's gonna be fine. I have faith in me and God.#I know that He doesn't put His children into burdens that none of them could handle.#and if He thinks I could handle this. then I will. and I can. He is with me and so is all of your faith.#that puts me in a sense of reassurance a little hahah...#yeah.. so...I'll see you then..bye.
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socialized a feral kitten while volunteering at the animal shelter today and i am so proud of myself :')
#two different people nearly fainted seeing me holding it and petting it (esp bc it was the most skittish and unfriendly of the litter)#they've worked with the litter for 10 weeks and the kittens have never let anyone touch them before#they were also too nervous to touch the mother because they thought she would bite them but i coaxed her out of the corner#and she was very docile and sweet! purred when i stroked her tail and scratched her behind the ears!#there were two other really sweet tomcats in there too that were very playful and affectionate but one of them sadly had feline leukemia#neway i go back on friday to help socialize the kittens again! hopefully i can make lots of progress with them so they can be adopted :")#the owner came to feed and water them and she was SO grateful for my help#she said she'd love to work with me to get them adopted and asked me for any tips on how to treat the cats right#it felt so good to have accomplished something!
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you know it's bad when you hit the 30 tag limit
#like shut up i wasn't done#i feel so unbearably hurt and betrayed like how can i be SO. unimportant to him so less of a priority that he's literally organising his#desk instead of talking to me taking five mins to talk to an agent book a ticket in tatkal#i told him i had to be back by 20 even before coming here on like 5th#and ive been reminding hin this everyday since after diwali#still he just. doesn't care?#and im his daughter? am i his daughter? does it even mean anything?????#ive never felt more alienated from my family than today#isn't it sad i don't even expect anything from mom all she does is tries to lighten the mood by making jokes#im so sick of her even the sight of her her voice makes me want to shout at her#i don't do it ofc but still#everyone is so selfish she's so selfish too she's always complaining about how i don't love her how i don't give her a chance#but that she'll stay away from all important thinhs that actually matter to me like what's the point of having a mother then??? i have my#siblings to listen to me i have my friends you i need u to be an adult and fucking help me in real terms#nvmind that path is just hopeless#anyway in tired of my small fucking life and my same small fucking problems and my own fucking self#everything would be okay if i just studied a little bit harder#idk ive been practicing saying it out loud that i can't study more than tui and after seven times i can say it out loud now#without crying or my voice watering#so hopefully it will go well#tho in my experience i never actually get to sya the stuff i practice to say to him because he dominates the convo so early so fast im#left speechless and shocked and on the verge of tears AGAUN#it's fine im calm now#but after crying headache ugh i did not miss u at all going back to storing all breakdowns in a bottle
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I hope my brother can arrange something so he can bear me part of the journey home after this week is all over and done because I am starting to suspect I will not be a safe driver and it could pose an unacceptably high risk that I'll semi-accidentally drive off the road.
#when will this pain end#i hope to discuss it and hopefully minimise the fallout and at least we won't see each other for a week or two. hopefully by then he might#at least be not avoiding me :/#ridiculous and foolish to care so much about any single thing or any single person#i was already nearing the end of my tether socially for this week in any case#and is that a surprise? ive barely eaten and barely slept during this time#i want to talk to his mother who suffered almost identically the same thing at the same age but i dont know if i can bear it or not#i just want to clear this up with him somehow#and now - finally - ten hours after i was first told this - the tears are coming but they cannot#if they do i dont think they will stop#i just need to get through today and then i can break down#maybe i wont help with packing up tomorrow i might not be up for it i dont know#this week has been such a mix of so so good and so terrible#the talks have been really good and all#and i do not regret spending time with him#altho one problem was one time he apparently would have liked me to go away and didn't say but oh! i would have preferred if he had#i feel terrible for not realising that i should've gone away at that point bc it should have been obvious#except it's not to an idiot like me :/
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Chronic pain really got me going to bed before it’s even dark out (also my little pink unicorn lights Millie got me look so cool in the second pic)
#my back and shoulder are killing me and I’ve done nothing but smoke weed and stretch and I just hurt so bad#so I’m gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better tomorrow#I work at nine again tomorrow so if anything hopefully going to bed early helps that#I’m excited to sleep hopefully a lot and hopefully really well bc 1) weed. 2) took sleepy cough meds to try and mooch extra pain reliever#out of meds in my cabinet. 3) took a back and muscle pain Aleve (even tho I hate taking pills and it took me like three whole min to get it#down my fucking throat. 4) tired from actually using my brain and anxiety from work tired#5) period tired and chronic pain tired#like guys my brain and my body are both exhausted and the idea of getting up tomorrow and doing any of it again makes me miserable and I did#nothing but sit at a computer for three and a half hours that’s itttttt#like doing two week road-trip then non stop either emotional or physical shit every day until my first day at work#like I’m already setting myself up for this to be the summer of the grind#gonna make a bunch of money (and spend too much and blame it on the summer time and needing a little treat every time I venture out into the#heat or work a day or do anything at all) and then save a bunch all fall winter spring and once it gets colder and I feel like I can handle#my job more I want to focus on how to make moving out happen. like I need to figure out if maybe there’s somewhere I want to live that has#an Office Depot I could transfer to cause office depots are everywhere and maybe that’s an added way for me to figure out where I want to#move#hmmm okay I’m gonna lay in bed on google maps looking at Office Depot locations in New England and I’m just gonna daydream and try to fall#asleep and I’ll look at / add to my Pinterest board of house and apartment inspo#going to think about the future because I want to live !!!!#anyways yeah this is the summer of being miserable and spending all my money on bullshit and daydreaming and disappointing my mother#and also the summer of my weed tolerance doubling forever until I’m back to smoking constantly to the point where I’m making myself sick and#then I’ll get sick of smoking weed for a bit and that’ll lead me into saving money again#or force me into a tolerance break where I stop buying weed#either way I’m going to smoke all summer it’s gonna be weed and sweat and fresh fruit and laying in my room during all of my days off and it#it’s gonna suck and I’m gonna be thinking about my dad the whole time and it’ll be depressing and isolating and lonely and I’ll come out of#the summer recentered and motivated towards big goals again like I always am#and then I’ll crash and burn next spring as always. cycles continue forever thank u seasonal depression.#I want to grow up and mature in the ways I deal with myself my health and advocating for my mental health I feel like I need to grow up a#bit so I hope I do that and it feels good. I hope I make friends and I can daydream about the future every night and my room will smell like#weed and incense and sweat and love and tears and it will be incredible
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You know i love my dad, but sometimes i ask for something like "well can you ask them for the typografy so i can do this thing you ask me" and he be like "nahhh you are an artist you just have to art the stuff"
Like dont blame him on it but he is sometimes... too confident for his own good
#txtalk#then again the kettle calling the pot black here i know i can be obtuce too#but i do think dad has a problem of beliving he can just tell me to do stuff without telling me what to do#hopefully my mother has a lot more expirence than me so if he gets too headstrong with her request she can at least set him straight#im also glad tho that he is trying his best i know he isnt in his element#so i can at least appriciate his intent of helping where he can
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y'alllllll save meeeee
#i've just been hit by cramps and i'm so mad oh my gosh ;;;;;;;#my monthly curse is early!!! what is this!!!!#oh i wanna curl up in a ball and perish#i'm gonna take some painkillers and wait for those to kick in before i try to write bc the first day is always the frikkin worst#my joints start hurting too -- like what did i do for mother nature to torture me like this#maybe i'll go ahead and shower too so the hot water can help#anyway i'll be around soon hopefully but i gotta suffer a little first asdfg#get ready to ramble | ooc
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