#my mom wants to talk about my Career Plans and im like

[gommyworm]

:^}

[tannieastrology]

Solar Return Observations #2🌻💛

🌼💛Just an update so far, I have a 5th house stellium in my chart this year and life has felt so carefree. Life made me get rid of my old crush and made me focus on myself for a while(Pluto) until just friday I met someone new unexpectedly(Vertex). I havent felt this feeling in almost 3 years its really exhilarating feeling like this and I actually have a good feeling about it. It felt like I was meant to cross paths with him at this point in my life right now because im actually focused on my higher self. I feel that Vertex along with other major planets like the Sun, Mars, Mercury, Pluto, and POF made meeting him feel fated because for one ever since Ive met him ive consequently crossed paths with him multiple times in just the span of 3 days. Its not a deep connection however(5th house) but I hope to beat the odds and make something out of it. So overall, Ive had lots of fun, peace, and new interests in love.

🌼💛So I recently just discovered this, but you can go and find your monthly/daily transit chart and overlap it to your natal or solar return chart to see how your school, career, family, or love life will be. I was wondering why was it that I never got the opportunity to meet someone in matters of romance but i did multiple times in friendships and then I saw that in my transit charts I never had Venus in the 7th house until last month. Venus had always been in like the 11th, the 10th, or the 3rd and school and friends was what was constant in my life. Sometimes even having Venus in the 8th can mean a change in your love life. I even looked all the way through 2022 and 2023 and all 12 months there was not one placement of Venus/Mars/Moon in the 5th or 7th until my transit chart of Febuary 29. Venus conjuncted Mars in the 8th and what happened? I saw the new guy who was exactly my type and I found interest in him. My next transit will be March 30 with Venus, Saturn, and Neptune in the 7th, and Mars conjunct the descendant. Im hoping that things will go well and I can get the courage to talk to him but we'll seeee.

🌼💛Having Jupiter in the 1st just means your whole year will be filled with luck youll just have things fall right into your hands.

🌼💛Uranus in the 9th house is lowkey feeling lost on what path you should take regarding school or just feeling disconnected from school in general. I have this right now and ive been having trouble locking in on my school work and i dont know how i want to plan my schedule for next year. Im just going with the flow atp.

🌼💛Venus in the 4th house means your family will spoil you and make you feel loved.

🌼💛Ok so im not really liking the attention ive been getting from having Lilith exactly conjunct the Ascendant. It feels like every where i go theres been men staring at me creepily and theres this guy on the track team who keeps touching me and crossing my boundries and personal space and it makes me so uncomfortable. Its so grimy and I hate it.

🌼💛Look at the dominant planet and see what house it falls in. Last year i had a dominant planet of moon and it fell in the 12th house conjunct mars. All imma say is that last year was one of the worse but strengthening years for me mentally.

🌼💛Venus in the 9th house means you’ll probably get a chance to travel. I had it in the 4th degree and i went to California from Texas because of a wedding on my moms side.

🌼💛Ive noticed that Vertex in the 5th doesnt always necessarily mean youll meet someone, it just means that youll get a lot of opportunities to go out and have fun.

🌼💛Saturn in the 6th/10th means standing on business.

🌼💛Chiron in the 5th may be a year where you feel burnt out. Make sure to take a break.

🌼💛Moon in libra will beautify a relationship depending on whatever house its in. Ex- first house: your appearance, 3rd: your relationship with siblings, 5th house: with your romantic partners or your inner self. It could also mean you feel romantic this year and could even have more opportunities given to you to express those feelings.

🌼💛7th house Neptune means having dreamy fantasies about people you wanna date. Could have your head in the clouds or you can just have high hopes regarding this area. Could be spiritually calming regarding partnerships but you can be manipulated and gaslighted too if your not careful.

🌼💛Venus in the 10th means being called beautiful all the time during that year. So many strangers used to stop me in the hallways to tell me I was pretty that year.

🌼💛Chiron and Neptune in the 1st means not being able to see your beauty.

🌼💛Venus or Jupiter in the 2nd means splurging on skincare, makeup, and clothes.

🌼💛Having Chiron in the 4th is not fun lol. Could mean family problems, struggling to feel at home when youre at home, and having trouble having a safe space.

🌼💛Leo Ascendant years will make you feel popular.

🌼💛Venus in the 6th could make you follow health, beauty, and workout routines or it could oppositely make you feel lazy and not wanna do anything. It also means feeling comfortable at work or find a interest at work.

🌼💛In 2020 when covid hit I had Saturn in the 5th house and it makes so much sense looking back. We were forced to be isolated and I couldnt go out because of the lockdown. Dont get me wrong though I still had alot of fun with my family but I feel like my middle school experience wouldve been alot different if that hadnt happened.

🌼💛Having a Cancer Ascendant back in 2015 was when my older cousin got married and that was a big event for our family that girl spent almost a 100k on her wedding. She was the first to get married out of the kids in the family. Even having Cancer degrees in the chart will mean change or some significant event in your family life.

Thats all for today hope yall enjoyed:)

[ohbabydollie]

some schlatt n latina reader hcs bc i can and i’ve never seen them done and it js makes sense in my mind

he absolutely loves celebrating holidays with you, especially in the winter time

“cut a small piece schlatt” you warn looking at him “but i want a big-” “i swear to god, if you get the baby” you threaten as he cuts a large chunk and starts eating it with his chocolate abuelita before suddenly stopping as you raise a brow at him

he spits something into his napkin

“le tocó el bebé! (he got the baby!)” your tía cheers as you stare at him

“you should’ve eaten it” you huff jokingly

he will speak to your family in spanish and understands them which is a first from a partner of yours and they like it very much

he’s loves the food

especially caldos y sopas

n stuff made mostly in the winter time (100% asks for caldo de pollo on the hottest day known to man)

now refuses to drink regular pack hot chocolate after drinking chocolate de abuelita and makes you make it for him when he’s craving some

like will eat 2-5 bowls of pozole if given the chance with tostadas

“mamá ya, he’s had enough to eat” you say picking up his bowl of pozole before your mom takes it “pero míralo, tiene hambre(but look at him, he looks hungry)” she says serving him some more “no le das de comer o que? (you don’t feed him or what?)” she asks placing the plate down as he grins making you roll your eyes

your tias y abuelitas LOVE him from how much he eats and how he’ll sit around gossiping and talking with them for hours

your younger siblings or cousins absolutely adore him, from gaming to playing soccer with him and will ask for him when he doesn’t come with you to a dinner or party

yk how they rent out bouncy houses for birthday parties

he’s helping the kids tipping them over and will unplug the bouncy house to mess with them as they start to yell

“why are you here? did jay come?” your nephew asks looking up at you as his mom smacks him on the head “pide la bendición primero menso (ask for blessing first dumbass)”

some of your family didn’t really understand his career at first until after he explained that making and posting videos makes him money along with his other businesses

“soy muy trabajador y tengo dos negocios (im very hard working and i have two business)” he explains as your family nods, especially your tios, in approval

speaking of tios, they didn’t like him at first

kinda standing there judging him silently, beer in hand until they offered him one and he responded in spanish

now they’re asking when the both of you plan on getting married, especially after hearing how “hard working” he is

has a love-hate relationship with the crusty white dogs or chihuahuas your family has

they will bark, bite and nip at him until he stops trying to pet and hold them

god forbid one of them claimed you as their favorite person because he is not allowed in your vicinity at all

“be nice, es tu papi (he’s your daddy)” you say, the dog growling at schlatt while schlatt gives it the cockiest grin “soy tu papi nuevo (im your new daddy)” he says going to pet the dog as it tries to bite his finger

makes jokes about you using him for a green card, money, etc. but won’t push your boundaries at all

“it’s either bisexual or bipolar and i chose bipolar when it comes with a fat ass in forbidden pants” schlatt tells the chat as you come in, handing him something to eat and walk out as he watches you, “yeah the red flags are looking green when you’re seeing them from behind”

likes your attitude, just the witty comebacks n stuff

especially when you’re around his friends and say something in spanish that will have him flustered while they ask for him to translate

if he ever genuinely makes you upset he’s at your feet, apologizing

“please please please please” he begs, on the floor “jay, it’s fine” you say crossing your arms in the way he knows it means its not fine “POR FAVOR (PLEASE) Y/N, ILL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT” he begs, pulling out his wallet

is probably the biggest simp known to man for you

will use anything as an excuse to show you off, like anything

even gifts, he’ll take a photo of the gift and post it along side a selfie you sent him just to show you off some more

flexes you to everyone from his friends to chat

“what does the schirlfriend look like?” he reads off, immediately grabbing his phone to show off the new lock screen he has of you “hot as fuck, i’ll tell you that for sure”

might write some more if u guys want it :3

[anyalovesu]

we're not saints at all.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆.✧˚ nine ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆.✧˚

necessary reminders :

contains 🔞🔞🔞 minors dni

🔞 is not pw authenticated , read at your own discretion

( cw : cunnilingus , p in v , technically unprotected sex but both of them are established to be clean and jas has an iud , breeding kink lol )

mdni pls pls pls pls

also not beta read im having problems with tumblr rn ( my wifi is refusing to load images on my tumblr app rn , if u know how to fix this hmu pls im literally going to lose my mind alr )

୨୧ continue here ( tobi and jas' conversation )

“You know what, when I have a kid one day I’m going to bring her shopping everytime,” Jas blurts out as they stroll through the department store looking for a dress to wear for the event and whatever piques their eyes.

“The kid will get mad at you, kasi paikot ikot ka,” Tobi laughed at her. “Hindi ka natatapos mamili ng kung ano ano.”

“Para namang natatapos ka?” Jas rolled her eyes at him, gripping Bianca’s hand on one and the other holding Tobias’.

“You guys are talking about kids na?” Curiosity got the best of Bianca as she blurted out the question, glancing over at her brother as they walked. 

“Why? Are you not ready to be an aunt pa?” Tobi asked softly, knowing all too well that even if it’s Jas that he has to convince to not have children yet, he would definitely put it on hold if Bianca wasn’t ready for it. She was his world too, after all. 

“Not that,” Bianca deflects. “Nakakagulat lang. Nanliligaw ka palang nasa anakan phase na agad ang conversations n’yo. Does Ate Jas even want to be a mom na?

Tobi raises his eyebrows at Jas, who seemed to be deep in thought about the sudden surge of questions. Tobi has heard her ask for his kids multiple times in bed but it was never brought up to conversation out of bed. It wasn’t brought up either because with their set up before, it was not ideal to make that kind of plan for the future.

Jas nodded, purposefully. The answer is always yes. She’s not afraid to admit that. Though admittedly it’s still too early for her to be having children—with her career just starting to thrive, it would be a hindrance to her abilities as a mother to balance all that. She wasn’t as skilled in time-management as her own mother was, after all. But yes, she did want to be a mother. Raise a kid with her best friends like she was with her mom and her Tita Philomena raising her and Alistair back then. Despite being an only child, she never really felt like she was alone… even when her mom’s job got too demanding sometimes. She wanted her kids to have that kind of life too.

“Not now,” she chuckled. “Hindi ngayon syempre. Lagot tayo kay Mama Honey if I end up pregnant and unmarried. Sasakalin ako noon. But it’s on the list.”

“How many kids do you want, Kuya?”

“As many as your Ate Jas wants,” he shrugged. “Hindi naman ako ang magdadala at maglalabas. That’s a question for someone who’s willing to bring life to the world.”

“I want a lot of pamangkins,” Bia chimes happily as she walks over a white baby dress. ��I wanna dress them up like Ate Eli did with me when I was a kid. Gotta make sure wala silang dugyot era.”

“Sino may sabi sa’yo wala kang dugyot era?” Tobi joked. “Alam kong tinago mo sa kwarto lahat ng picture mo noong mukha ka pang sipon na tinubuan ng bata. Swerte ka walang backup noon si Elijah.”

“Anyway, I want many pamangkins,” she smiled. “It would be nice to see you finally settle down.”

Bianca wasn’t one to show affection all the time. The closest most people got to Bianca’s affection was her inflicting her chaos on them, like her very chaotic friendship with Cielo Yang. Despite being seen bickering, the two have been known to stand by each other’s sides in crisis—by crisis whenever Cielo Yang finds himself in a situation with fair-weathered friends who only stuck around for the sound of being friends with him. He is, after all, well-connected and well known in the school for being Elijah Yang’s little brother. Best believe Bianca blackmailed her way into making those kids leave Cielo alone despite her being 2 years younger than he was.

Hugs were never the Park family got used to. Maybe occasionally whenever Elijah was around, but on their own, Bianca could not remember the last time she saw her family have one good cuddle. Everyone has always been busy with their own thing. She was lucky to be around her brothers in the absence of their parents but that was it. 

This is why the thought of her brothers, finally being with someone who is clingy, always wants to be with him, always wants a hug—warms her insides. She’s seen the good it has done for Leon, she’s glad to finally see it with Tobi. Jacynthe is good for Tobi. She always called it.

“We’re gonna have many kids para marami kang aalagaan,” Jas chuckled at her. While it may seem like an empty promise now, she was sure that it’s going to be Tobi that she’ll have a family with. No one else. 

If it’s not with him Tobi she’d rather die alone—which is a bold statement to make. But she was sure of it. She will make it work. She will not fumble. She’s going to birth children with his DNA whatever it may take.

“We should start doing that then,” Tobi playfully whispers in her ear, arm snaking around her waist as he does so.

“Keep it in your pants, Louis,” she hissed at him, jokingly slapping his abdomen, making him double over while he laughed. “You promised ha!”

୨୧

“Hindi sasabay si Tita?” Tobi asked as he took Jas’ suitcase that she was lugging towards his car.

“Yeah, Sunday morning na raw s’ya magdrive to Isabela,” she smiled at him, pressing a soft kiss on his cheek as he carried her luggage up the trunk of his car. 

It was Saturday evening when they decided to drive so that they would have more time to prepare for the party. Jas ended up just buying a new iPad for Isolde after consulting with Hailee and finding out that she will be taking up a pre-med course for college and will be needing a new one to replace her old outdated iPad.

“I have you all to myself then?” pabirong ngumisi si Tobi sa kanya kaya naman agad itong nahampas ni Jas. 

“Gabi na!”

“Better! Walang masyadong makakapansin!”

“At least wait until nasa hotel na tayo!” Jas argued with him. Tobi was only teasing, she knew that. He never forced her into anything she wasn’t comfortable with anyway. Sure he can be persistent with the other things, but anything that comes remotely close to their sex life, was a solid boundary if ever Jas says no.

“You’d be too tired sa byahe,” he smiled at him, eyes disappearing as he did before planting a soft kiss on her forehead. “I was just joking naman.”

Car rides were never quiet with Jas and Tobi. Jas was playing their demos on the car sound system, trying to rewrite some lyrics and occasionally recording more clips whenever they thought of a better lyric to replace it. Tobi used to think they did that for work whenever he would drive her home after hooking up back then. Doing it now seemed more… intimate—like he was finally baring the meanings to the songs he wrote and why he wrote them while simultaneously rewording and adding more words to the poetry they’ve produced.

At ‘wag kang bibitaw, ‘wag kang mawawala

Oh aking dinadala ang bawat piyesa ng ikaw

Anong gagawin kung wala ka?

“Were you really that hurt when you heard I was leaving?” Jas blurted out as she felt a squeeze in her chest as the last post-bridge of the song that they just finished the demo for this morning rolled out. She has been feeling that anguish ever since she first heard him record the few lines that he wrote for the song this morning.

Tobi nodded while still keeping his eyes on the road. He didn’t want to feel that way again. But it had to be talked about. What happened before they made up was still left untalked about which was concerning to say the least but it is a relief that she brought it up now.

“Lovey?”

“I was more scared than hurt,” he sighed. “It was happening all so sudden. I haven’t been serious with anyone before you came along and it wasn’t supposed to end up that way. I was so hurt with what Kashi did to me back then na akala ko hindi ko na kaya magmahal uli. So when I heard she was coming back I made the most idiotic decision to meet with her to see if I still felt that. But it only led me to realize that Kashi can never make me feel like you do.”

“Hard?”

“Down bad in love, pretty,” he snorted, correcting him as he reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss her knuckles. “Ang bobo na I needed an ex to make me realize that but then I heard that you will be moving to LA for Hyacinth—goddamn, I almost lost my mind, Jas. I thought it was pointless and I wasn’t going to be able to make it up to you for my idiocy. I was so fucking scared that I wasn’t going to see you again that I texted my mom and begged her to help me.”

“She did mention that,” she chuckled at him. 

“She did a great job convincing you, thank god—”

“She didn’t have to convince me, lovey,” she smiled softly, warming his cold hands with both of hers. “I mean of course I wanted to throw myself out from the Peak’s deck, but if anything your mom really just made it easy for me to admit that I was just as stupidly in love with you. Ang corny pakinggan which is so off-brand for the both of us, but yeah. Stupid is the right word, I think.”

“The mere thought that you fucked up and I was losing you made me want to rot in bed back in New York,” Jas continued. “Jusko! Pinipigilan na ako ni Khloe na magsulat kasi hindi na daw n’ya kayang marinig yung linyang ‘anong gagawin kung wala ka’. Ang tanga tanga daw pakingan kasi nakaya ko naman ng wala ka but the thing about that was you make life easier for me and I don’t think you even notice that.”

“I don’t think I do, pretty,” he smiled.

“Normally, hindi ako papayag agad na pumunta ng Isabela if it’s not for something really important. I mean, yes, Isolde is important to me—but I’ve been absent on almost all of her birthdays, it wouldn’t matter to her that much if I’m not there because she knew I was busy. But the thought that you will be there too makes me feel better about going there. Kasi I know I won’t be isolated. Hindi ko masyado mararamdaman na ako ‘yung pinsan doon na alam ng lahat kung sino pero hindi naman nila talaga kilala,” Jas explained as she looked at the window, watching as the tiny droplets from the light showers a while ago make lines on the glass pane as the car moved. Tobi could not help but glimpse and see the sparkle in her eyes that he cursed himself for dulling in the past weeks that came before. As much as he wanted to keep watching her, he had to tear his eyes away from her and bring his eye back on the road, trying to focus on it instead of the goddess divine that was yapping his ears out right now.

୨୧ continue here ( tobi and jas' tweets )

Jacynthe stirred awake as the warm sunlight from the glassdoor of the balcony greeted her, though it was not without noticing that the other side of the bed which was empty when she fell asleep was empty once again. If not for the disheveled sheets and Tobi’s lingering warmth on his side of the bed, Jas could easily think that Tobi had run away from her last night and never slept next to her at all. 

Rolling over her side of the bed’s nightstand she reaches for her phone to call him to ask where he was, to which she was surprised to find out that he had left his phone behind. Why would he even leave her like that? Is he avoiding her? He didn’t want to go to bed with her last night and was taking too long in the bath and now she’s waking up to an empty side of the bed with him nowhere to be found. Maybe he doesn’t want to be bothered?

Jas finally decides that maybe it was all in her head and dragged herself to the bathroom to get ready. She was told that their room was in between Hailee and Isolde’s and her grandparents’ respective rooms. But at this hour, Hailee is probably out working out and Isolde would probably still be getting her beauty sleep. Alright. If Tobi does not want to be bothered then she should make an effort not to. Off to her grandparents’ hotel room she was, but before she could even open the door, it swung itself open, revealing a bright eyed Tobias with a paper bag on one hand and the other holding up a carton of coffees. 

“Ay ang aga mo naman gumising,” Tobi chuckled at him as Jas swiftly moved to the side to immediately to let her suitor in and closing the door after him.

Tobias would be too dense to not see the expression on Jacynthe’s face. She was a morning person, he swore that nothing made this woman happier than a little sunlight in the morning. The only reason he thought he’d be able to get away with buying coffee so early in the morning was the fact that they arrived so late last night and thought that she would want to sleep in. The way her eyebrows were almost touching was enough evidence that someone was indeed upset that she woke up alone this morning.

“I called for room service kaninang umaga, their coffee is shit,” he explains softly as soon as he sets their breakfast on the table, walking over to Jas to properly apologize for leaving so early. “Baka samaan ka lang ng sikmura.”

“I’m sorry for leaving you alone in bed, pretty,” he hummed before pushing her chin up with his index finger to make her look at him. “Bumili lang ako ng almusal natin. Sorry po.”

He was too cute to stay mad at but incredibly hot in the broad daylight with his dry-fit shirt and sweatpants that he most probably slept in last night. God. She could already feel it pooling between her legs as she feels her knees weaken at the sight of his face apologizing to her like that. It didn’t help at all that she was sexually frustrated from not getting it last night.

Jas couldn’t give two more fucks about their food turning cold. If she does not get fucked in this very moment she might as well just die, it would make no difference. Thus, in a blink of an eye Jas’ lips were on his. Tobi does not hesitate to kiss back as Jas guides him to walk backwards to the bed, his knees hitting the edge as he falls on his butt, breaking the kiss as he does.

“Pretty, your grandparents are in the next room,” he pants, as he tries to slow down Jas from taking his clothes off.

“Do I look like I care about that right now? I’m literally 25,” she rolls her eyes at him, which in truth annoyed Tobi that she’s getting that attitude out of nowhere. But it did not bother her in the very least that Tobi was showing disdain for her attitude, she knew what she wanted and she was desperate for it. 

“Please, remove this na, lovey,” Jas lets out a quiet whine, understanding that Tobi was only worried of her grandparents hearing, especially now that they are very much aware that they aren’t technically officially together yet. “I’ll be quiet, lovely, please.”

“Work for it then,” Tobi raises a brow at her, as if challenging her to do the work herself if she wanted it so badly. Jokes on him though because Jacynthe doesn’t turn down a good challenge, especially now that it’s going to benefit anyway.

Jas takes no time tugging his shirt off and helping him out of his pants as Tobi watches her intently, taking off her silk button up pajamas and shorts that leaves barely anything to the imagination. 

Tobi then reaches for her body to pull her close to him, watching at the cold breeze from the hotel air conditioning hardened her nipples. “Let me prep you first, hmm?”

“No need na—”

“Ah, no,” Tobi refuses, standing up as he places soft but domineering kisses on his girl’s lips before maneuvering her down to where he was previously seated, spreading her legs and throwing them on both of his shoulders as he kneels before the glory sitting before him. “Always need to prep my pretty little hole, right?” he says, leaving teasing kisses on her thighs slowly working his way to her inner thighs before finally lapping at her already sopping wet cunt. 

“Shit, Louis–” Jas accidentally moans a little too loud as soon as she felt his warm tongue licking a long strip up to her bundle of nerves, his finger separating her folds to allow him more access but he stops as soon as he does so, glancing at the beauty beneath him, propped up on her elbows already panting heavily from such little actions.

“I will stop if you keep on moaning that loud,” he calls intently, as if warning her. The younger one knows better than to test him because he will in fact stop if she does. “Understand, pretty?” He asks, just as the same time he prods a finger in her making her purse her lips tightly into a thin line, eyes shutting as she holds back a whine. Jas nods, trying to avoid making as much noise as she could.

“Say it, pretty,” he orders sternly before going back to sucking on her sensitive nub. 

“Yes, I understand, lovey,” she whines pathetically, trying to keep her voice as low as possible. 

“Good girl,” he hums against her, sending vibrations through her body making her hold back another whine and trying as she might to mask it with slow breaths through her nose to avoid making any more noise.

Tobi continues to flick her nub with his tongue while his finger—now fingers as he already has two curling up to his g-spot, making Jas buck her hips against Tobi’s mouth, sending even more waves of pleasure to her entire body as she does so.

“God–ah–fucking damn it, Tobi, I’m so close,” she whines as she her arms gave out leaving her sprawled on the bed clutching the sheets on the unmade bed as her legs shake around Tobi’s head. “Don’t stop, lovey, please—”

“Hmm?” Tobi hums as he tears himself away, still convinced that Jacynthe has to work for her orgasm this time. 

“Lovey!” Jacynthe cries, tears now freely streaming from her eyes down to her ears as her orgasm was torn away from her just seconds before it does. “Ang sama ng ugali…” 

Tobi could not help but chuckle at how helplessly and sexually frustrated she was because she still managed to pull herself up and help him settle on the bed through her tears. 

He was now propped on the bed, back resting against the bed’s headboard while Jas hovered over him, looking at him as if begging that he does the work. Unfortunately, she brought this upon herself and Tobi was determined to let her have the experience. 

“Careful, pretty,” he says as he grabs on to her thighs, carefully guiding her as she aligns his girth to her cunt. 

“Yeah, I should—I’m about to fucking impale myself with your dick,” she spats angrily, clearly upset that Tobi, someone who’s more than capable of making her cum right then and there just decided that he wasn’t going to let her do so. “I should be careful!”

“Watch that pretty mouth, pretty girl,” he smirks as he eases himself into her, trying not to go too hard just yet.

Tobi wastes no time as he guides Jas down to his lap, his cock fully sheathed inside of her like, fitting like a glove. “Fuck, Tobi,” she whines against his neck as she clings to him, overwhelmed with the pleasure from being full of her suitor’s cock. 

“You promised to be quiet, pretty,” he chuckles. “Now be quiet and move.”

Biting her lower lip as a terrible attempt to keep her moans in, Jas does what she had to do. Lifting her body up before dropping back down, feeling his length touch her cervix as she does. “Shit, pretty,” he hums against her chest, hands moving to take one of her breasts to his mouth, tongue playing around her already hardened nipple as the other hand toyed with the other. 

The euphoria consumes Jas as she bounced on him relentlessly. 

“Ang bait bait mo pa sa harap ng lolo mo kagabi tapos nakakandong ka sa akin ngayon?” she blushes from the embarrassment at what he just had said. They were greeted last night despite it being incredibly late by her grandparents. Jas was seemed like the innocent little sweetheart that her grandparents seemed to be used to—here she is now though, “Fucking yourself with my cock? So dirty, Jacynthe.”

“Not my fault you’re like so fucking hot, you son of a bitch,” she retaliates.

“Also not my fault you’re like a bitch in heat, humping my cock, pretty,” his condescending smirk almost pushes Jas to the edge as he grabs on to her ass and helps her go faster and harder on his cock. The sound of skin slapping and panting filled the room, one could only hope no one suspects a thing on whatever the fuck is happening inside their hotel room right now. “That’s what you are right? Prinsesang prinsesa ka pa naman dito sa Isabela. Ano nalang ang iisipin nila kapag nalaman nilang ayaw mo magpakain kanina dahil kastang kasta ka na? Hmm?”

“Fuck, lovey, I’m close,” Jas whimpers quietly to his ear, tears flowing down her face once again as Tobi began fucking up to her, holding her hips up as she clings to his neck, sobbing from the overwhelming pleasure that was shooting continuously up her body. 

“I know—shit,” he hums, “Squeezing me so good, pretty. Keep doing that.”

“Where do you want it, pretty?” he asks, hand reaching to grab her face make her look at him as they both neared their highs. 

“Inside, lovey—fuck—cum inside, please, please—”

“Want lovey’s cum inside you, pretty?” he coos condescendingly before he pulls her to place a kiss on her lips, which she returns immediately, lips parting slightly to allow him more access to her mouth. 

“I’m…” Jas mumbles in between a pant and a sob as she falls completely limp against the older as soon as she feels the wave crashing over the grave that she had just dug for herself. Tobi came not long after, leaving them both spent.

By the time they were done, the sun was already shining too bright. It would not be long before her family starts looking for her so as soon as her breathing calmed down, Tobi carefully pulled himself out of her and got up, making Jas whine at the emptiness along with the cold air that embraces her in the absence of Tobi’s warmth.

“Leaving na uli?” Jas asks, post sex haze mixing well with the sunlight from the glass door making her look like the absolute goddess that she was. 

Tobi could not help but lean back to the bed and press a long wholesome kiss on his girl’s lips. “You’re coming with me, pretty,” he chuckled as he helped get up and hoisted her up to go to the bathroom. “Go pee muna, I’ll fix the bath while you do.”

Jas does what he says. He’s always been like this, she thinks. Has it been the same for every girl that he has slept with? She doesn’t even want to know. She already won, there was no point in wondering if the other girls have experienced the same thing as she did. That, in hindsight, was something that she never would’ve thought she would be thinking after sleeping with someone. It has always been a constant battle of trying and doing the most to make sure she doesn’t get left in the end, but here she is… finally… with the assurance that she has always deserved that Tobi will never leave, if he does, he will always come back home or she will be going with him.

She finally has what she deserves and no matter how complicated it got before they got here… Elijah is right. Everything will always end up well. The Park boys have that attitude of never leaving things unresolved. No matter how long, they will always go back and fix what went wrong.

“Wear this first habang nagpupuno pa yung bathtub, pretty,” Tobi picked up her arm and helped her get into her purple robe that she had brought with her in her suitcase. “Baka ubuhin ka sa lamig.”

“You’re so cute,” Jas snorted, leaning in to give him a hug as soon as he finished tying her robe. “I love you, Louis.”

“I love you, Jacynthe,” he replies to her before he moves to check the tub, which by now is already a quarter full.

Jas could not help but stare at him fondly as he nerds about the water on the tub. “Is this temperature okay with you, pretty?” he asked, even asking her to hold out the back of her hand and dropping a couple of drops on it to let her have a feel on the water. Jas assures him that it’s fine before he goes back to their suitcases where he retrieves a bath bomb. 

“Why do you even have a bath bomb?” Jas laughs. 

“Bianca got you these behind your back yesterday,” he snorted before he dropped it on the water, allowing it to fizz. 

“Cute n’yong magkapatid,” she chuckles as Tobi peels off the robe that he had just put on her from her and guiding her in the bath before taking his off and joining her. 

“You’d be a cute girl dad, Tobs,” she blurts out as Tobi rubs the shampoo suds on her hair. “You have the experience to be girl dad. Kayo ni Leon.”

“I suppose, I do,” he smiles at her as he makes a make shift crown on the top of her head with bubbles. “It would be a breeze. You’d be a good mom too.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I really could though.”

“Why would you think that, pretty?”

“I mean, unlike you guys and Eli, I didn’t have younger siblings,” she hummed as she reached for one of hid hands to fiddle with. “I saw my younger cousins here rought about twice or thrice a year. I don’t even know if I’d be able to hold a baby and make them stop crying. The thought of not being able to do it just scares the living crap out of me. I don’t want to be a disappointment. Especially after my mom raised me so well on her own.”

“When the time comes, I’m sure you’ll do fine,” he smiles at her. “Sasamahan naman kita. I’ll help you with our future kids alright? We’ll make sure they won’t have the same experiences as we did as kids.”

“Thank you, Louis,” she grins, turning her body just enough to be able to kiss him once more. “You make me so happy.”

୨୧ continue here ( isolde bday tweets <3 + jas' priv twts )

“I suppose you are the Tobias Park that everyone is talking about?” Governor Kang smiles at Tobi. Despite the dark demeanor that the politician exuded to most, he was nowhere near the strict governor that everyone knew him as. He seemed to soften up at the sight of his grandchildren, Jacynthe especially.

“Good evening, Governor Kang,” magalang na sagot niya sa matanda bago nagmano sa kaniya. “Opo. Ako po si Tobias Park, manliligaw po ni Jas.”

“Manliligaw, I see,” he nodded at him, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “Kahit kailan ay hindi nagsama ng nobyo o manliligaw dito si Jacynthe. Nababalitaan nalang namin na sinusundan na pala s’ya ng mga ex n’ya.”

“Tobi saved me from the said stalker, Lo,” Jas smiled at him softly, going up to him to hug his arm. “So you have to be nice to him.”

“Salamat at tinulungan mo si Jacynthe,” he replied to him.

“Ay wala po ‘yon, Governor–”

“Lolo Javier,” he corrects him, with a soft smile before he glances back at Jas who clung to his arm. “Lolo Javier ang itawag mo sa akin. Anyone my dear Jacynthe trusts enough to bring her must be extremely special.”

Kyle was right after all. Despite all the rumors that surrounded their family, the Kangs were welcoming people. 

“Tobi!” an elderly woman chimes as she takes the other arm of the governor. “I am Madeleine Kang, Jassy’s Lola! I suppose ikaw ang boyfriend ni Jassy?”

“La, manliligaw palang!” Jas tried to argue. 

“Mamma mia, Jassy! Doon rin magtatapos ‘yon!” the woman giggled as she walked over to Tobias to give him a hug. “You’re a special boy, no? I trust that you’re going to help Daphne to keep this lady in check. You know she can be a little wild sometimes! Tapos would always refuse help even if we offer it.”

Tobi looked at Jas softly as she walked over to hold his hand, wary that her grandparents might be intimidating him too much. The older couple takes this as a sign to leave, as Madeleine Kang happily pulls her husband away. However, he couldn’t help but wonder what pushed Jas to think that she was the odd-one-out among all these people that seemed to know her to this extent. Her dad hasn’t come around either, thinking he might be absent for the occasion.

“Are you okay, lovey?”

“I’m okay, pretty,” he smiles at her, squeezing her hand to confirm his sentiment. “Ikaw?”

“Just a little uneasy,” she hummed. “I kept overhearing the titas shit talking me and mom over there.”

“Alam ba ng mga mga lolo mo?”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle, Tobs,” she smiled at him, choosing to swallow the criticisms that she and her mom kept on hearing from that specific crowd in the family. “Besides, none of them really cares enough to get to know me beyond the way that they already do.”

“Kahit na.”

“Alam mo, I figured early on that they are still very convinced that my mama used up all my dad’s money for her med school. Alam lang nila namatay yung parents ni mama. I don’t think any of them bothered to find out that we both lived off her inheritance and her trust fund and completely nothing from dad in the first few years na wala sila lola. Dad was a complete slob when it came to paying child support. I barely got anything from him, really. Noon lang tinanggap namin s’ya ni Mama uli. But after he cut him off again for cheating on mom on multiple occasions after we forgave him on multiple occasions as well, I don’t understand why they still have it in them to think that mama and I couldn’t have made it without him.”

Tobi mentally notes the answer to his questions a while ago. Having this big of a family did have its cons. Most of it he wasn’t able to experience since he had a relatively small family and most of his cousins were living abroad. Well, technically they moved back now. But even then, these kinds of drama weren't really present in them. They were all distant and individualistic to care about how the other family was holding up.

“Tigas ng ulo kahit kelan,” he shrugged before pulling her into a hug. 

୨୧ continue here ( tobi and jas' convo )

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ main post °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

[landojpg04]

Revenge on the Ranch//G.Tillman

Index

This is gonna be a multi-part series. It's gonna follow the story of Rumor Abbott as she progresses further into her career as an agent for the FBI and what she plans on when coming across blackmail. She is a long-time girlfriend of Gator Tillman and would do about anything to protect their love.

This story may have some dark themes, but I promise to detail all of the warnings. As mentioned previously, I am creating my own plotline but incorporating some themes from Fargo and Outer Range. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Warnings for this part: Language (few cuss words), Mentions of R*y Tillman.

Two weeks earlier

“What do you mean, they canceled the competition?” 

“Im telling you, they didn’t have enough cmpetitiors so now I’m done a month early.” Rhett was my older brother. He rode bulls professionally, and during the off season helped ur father and eldest brother Robert at the ranch. 

Rhett and I were closer in age making us closer in our relationship. He was the one to ship me away from the butt fucks of nowhere. Said my talent was a waste in the city we grew up in. Because of him I got into Quantico and began to pursue my dream.

“Well shit, what are you gonna do now?”

“Mom found out and entered my name into the homecoming competition. Said it’s an easy win. So guess I'm going back.”

Mom always did sneaky things to get us back home. Said shes done with Dad and Robert antics. This was a classic move by Reese herself. 

“Hows training going? You almost done?”

“I got a few months to go but its going good. I got to work this team this past week. Was able to locate and gather more intel for them.”

“Thats what I like to hear.”

I hummed to his response. I was sitting on the balcony of my apartment. The city was loud, in many ways than once. People yelling, sirens from every cancer with my head constantly going round in circles with thoughts.

“So you able to come up with me?”

“There it is.”

“Look you know Mom signed me up for a reason, she knows us.”

Mom did know us. I haven’t seen Rhett since last Christmas or have been able to get away to see him ride.

“I don’t know Rhett.”

“Come one, please. Do this for your favorite brother”

I laugh at his opinion.

“You think youre my favorite?”

“I definitely am.”

“That's presumptuous.”

“Well then, don’t go up for me–go up to see lover boy.”

I went silent thinking about that. Gator and I haven't seen each other since New Year. My schedule is the opposite of his. We talk every day still; we just haven't seen each other.

“What day are you gonna go up?”

“Probably Thursday. Friday is the competition.”

“Thursday, I have work till noon. But if you can't pick me up, no worries, I’ll drive up.”

“Sounds good. I'll see you later, Rue.”

“Bye, Rhett.” I hung up the phone. Immediately looking down at my lock screen. A picture of Gator and I last summer. I needed to go home, even for just a few days.

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I finished work around 1250. Today, I was on the desk for a gruesome case. I was able to find some information, but they weren’t able to raid till it was signed off by a judge. 

I began my walk from the office to my apartment. 

On the way there, I wanted to grab a pick-me-up drink, stopping by my local coffee shop.

I walked in, and there were two people in front of me. I took this time to text Gator,

How’s it going?

I send and within seconds I see the three dots.

Dad scheduled me to be out on the field. It’s like he know’s

You're gonna be back soon.

I’m counting down the hours 

I smiled at the last text. I look up and notice it was my turn to order.

“Hey Rumor, your usual?” I nodded and smiled. I began to pay when I heard the barista talk to me again. “You know, Rumor, there's a band playing at the Klatch this weekend; I have an in and was wondering if you’d be willing to go with me.”

The barista’s name was Vincent. He’s been working here since I moved. He went to college but dropped out, exclaiming he wasn’t gonna spend his life working away. 

“Sorry Vince, I’m actually planning on going back home this weekend.”

“Yeah, to see that fake boyfriend of yours.”

I just pressed my lips into a thin line. Despite Vincent knowing about Gator, he has always given me shit about him. Saying it would just be better if I said I wasn’t interested in him rather than creating a fake boyfriend.

Rather than responding, I just grabbed my drink, gave a small smile, and walked out.

Yeah, it's definitely time to go back home.

And like an angel from heaven as I turn the corner to reach my apartment. There he was sticking out like a sore thumb. Dressed like a cowboy. Hat, boots, and one of his sponsors jacket on.

“Rhett!” I scream overwhelmed with emotions.

He was standing in front of my building. I run towards him, he engulfs me in a hug.

“Holy shit Rue. I have never seen you run that fast.”

“What, I can't miss my favorite brother?” I say.

“That is exactly what I like to hear.”

I laugh.

“Okay, let me shower, pack my bags, and then we can hit the road.”

Rhett nodded.

“Thank god I have time for a nap.”

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Arriving at home was bittersweet. The ranch looks the same. But those who occupy it look older. Dad has a few more gray scattering his beard and Momma is aging like fine wine. Both of them cried when we got out of the car.

If it was up to them they would have us at the ranch year long, but they are the type of parents who don’t hold their kids back from their dreams. And for that, I am thankful.

“Honey, you haven't been eating,” Momma exclaimed. I roll my eyes at her.

“Mom I eat just fine.”

“Rob, go get your sister’s stuff! Rhett needs to rest up.”

“You owe me so many drinks tomorrow.” Robort says hugging me once more.

I laugh at thow we have resumed the hustle and bustle of the house like it once was all those years ago. 

Rylee was now walking and had long hair pulled into braids. I got up to swoop her, having her grow into a fit of giggles.

“Aunty Ru-Ru!” She says while giggling. 

I see Jane and rush to give her a hug. Jane was always the older sister I never had. 

“Hell Rumor look at you!” She said taking me in. “Crime stopping does wonder for you.” I laugh at her comment. Jane and Robert were high school sweethearts. Jane was always around, she got me ready for my first date and did my makeup for all the special occasions. I set Rylee down and pulled Jane into another hug “Miss you sis.” I said.

“Don’t go soft on us killer.”

I look down to see her belly growing.

“Son of a bitch.” I say under my breath.

“Hey don't talk like that about your nephew.”

“Rumor, come eat!” Jane laughed hearing Momma call me. I walked over and sat down. Content with the peacefulness around me.

After dinner and the catching up conversations with the family, Momma sent us all to bed because of the competition tomorrow. Exclaiming we all needed to be on our best behavior, as it was the first time since graduation we would all be together. I laid in bed and reached that call button. I heard it ring a few times before I heard him.

“How is my girl doing back?”

“Momma made me eat two servings of food and made us all go to bed. So currently a little happy."

“Sounds like Reese.”

“Where you at?”

“An hour or so up north. Roy sent me up due to a call about some missing cattle. I’m just sitting here till six and then heading back.”

“He hates me.”

“That I can not dispute. He is even making sure that I go to the station before the competition tomorrow to ensure my papers are up to date.”

“I hate him”

I heard Gator snicker.

“You’ll see me before your brother is up to ride, I promise.”

“I miss you.”

“I’m pretty sure I miss you more.”

I took a deep breath, and Gator did the same.

“Not to be a pest but why didn’t you text me back earlier?”

“Some asshole I was dealing with tampered my mood.

Then Rhett was already at my apartment.”

I heard him hum.

“Anyone I need to deal with?”

“Not yet. But you can deal with your father for me.”

He laughs.

“Call me if you can't sleep. Ill be up, but get some rest.”

“I will. See you tomorrow.” 

“See you tomorrow, love you.”

“Love you.”

[likeysoob]

I’m so blind by likeysoob

Episode 3

This episode is that the first term ended so now it November so y/n talks about her grades and how easy it was. Y/n has gym now where she meets ningning again so she brings y/n to her lunch table and that’s how she meets Karina and winter. The try outs for ive happen, wonyoung and y/n instantly recognizes each other “oh its…you” and have beef which leave rei sad because she actually likes y/n, so shes not accepted into the group. Y/n tells the girls and they’re like “music competition? Hmmmmm let’s do something about it! We got you girl!” and they plan things from there

“Let me see what you got for your first report card!” I roll my eyes, what’s even the big deal about these report cards anyways? Just because i want to be an artist, doesn’t mean i need to do science or math like the fuck? I grab my backpack to open it and give her the report card. She takes it from me and opens it, “A in choir, A in math, A in art, and C- in science?! Y/n! What is this?!” Good lord. “Mom that class is just stupid and hard, like none of it even makes any sense, i still pass though since its not an F.” My mom just starts yelling at me, I couldn’t care cause im passing anyways. Science is not even the career i plan to do anyways. Tomorrow is a new term, new classes, and hopefully new people. I need something exciting in my life, maybe a girlfriend? Whatever, i just need to get rest….shit. What even are my classes?

“I mean she didn’t even deny she was a flop, just asked who wrote it on the board.” Ning says. I just look at her, “i mean if she wasn’t such a bitch with a big ego just because she won multiple awards and events last year, then I wouldn’t be a bitch too. She’s just a person that makes the alpha come out of me to protect my omegas.” My face scrunches up, “What the fuck are you even talking about?” She gives me a look, like girl I’m not listening to all that yap… “Wonyoung! Duh…” Ning replies. “She’s won multiple awards?” I asked and Ning nods and rolls her eyes. “You know, i don’t even know who she is but she sounds like a massive bitch.”

If you’re wondering what class i and Ning is in, then it’s gym. This class is filled with so many boys and barely any girls, the worst part is that the gym teacher is a massive dick. If you miss one day of gym, you need to make it up by running 3 miles like what the fuck? So thank god Ning is in this class or else I wouldn’t have survived. “Girls! Start playing the game!” The teacher yells at us then turns to one girl, “You! Get some speed in you and run to the ball!” The girl responds back, “How about you run since you’re such a fatass!” Oh shit..

Well, it’s the end of class now. That girl ended up saying so much shit to the gym teacher in which the principal came in, it was pretty funny. Now we’re in the locker room, I’m pretty sure i have lunch right now when the bell rings. “Hey Ning, do you have lunch right now?” Her face glows up, “omg! Yes i do! Same as you?” I nod. “Great! I should introduce you to my friends! I’m pretty sure you guys will get along.” The bell rings as i just finished putting the lock on my gym locker. I follow Ning to the lunch room in which we were the first few people in there since the gym is close to the cafeteria. “This food is so shit…” i say out loud and Ning agrees. My head turns to the right of me and i see a staff just looking at me like they heard what i said, they probably did though.

Ning goes over to one of the lines and i follow. I’m just hungry, i don’t care what it is. When we get at the table, Ning looks around. “Ning!” We turn in the direction where the voice came from and i see a girl with short black hair waving at Ning. “Why is she over there? This is our spot!” Ning takes her tray and starts walking over there with me following behind.

Hey guys so i decided to discontinue this since i wasn’t feeling very satisfied with what i had and i wanted to focus more on other stories so i apologize :(

<- last episode | see all episodes

[mccnstruck]

hold me like you understand

(in other words, you have a parent like mafuyu's mom )

characters: akito x gn!reader

tags: hurt/comfort, not proofread, vent post, ooc, established relationship, kissing, one curse word

a/n: hi sorry for the amount of vent posts i make, im just not living laughing loving a lot anymore so um yea sorry this is really ooc

- you let a dry laugh out at your mom's joke. you didn't quite understand it, but you think it was about grades?

- you forced the corners of your mouths to turn upwards. you mom finally stopped laughing at her joke.

- "ahh, [name] how are your studies going?"

- you fought the urge to roll your eyes. of course, the only thing you want to talk to me about is grades.

- "it's fine, mama! i have a quiz tomorrow."

- she let out a hum. "make sure you study for it. i do all the work for you just so you can peacefully study, you know?"

- you clenched your jaw. "mhm!"

- silence. you don't know if your mom felt it, but the tension in the air made you feel on edge.

- "you plan on going into the field you set your classes for, right?"

- "yea, why?"

- "nothing, nothing. i just don't want you making poor choices. i was just worried because you've been doing your little hobbies, can't have you running off to them."

- your hands started to shake and grip onto itself. why was she so.... so..

- you tested the waters of her “unconditional love”. “hypothetically, if i were.... to pursue them...?"

- a confused "huh?" came from your mom. "what do you mean?"

- "what if i wanted a different career...? what then-"

- your mother let out a scoff, procceding to laugh at you as if you said something funny. you don't think you said anything funny, so why...

- "absolutely not."

- "huh? i just said-"

- "and i'm saying no. your hobbies are just hobbies. nothing more. you will spend all your life struggling when you could just have gone the better route. i know what's best for you. you are taking this career."

- "mama, i just said it as a joke-"

- "good. it will stay as a joke."

- her words latched to your mind like pests.

- it will stay as a joke. it will stay as a joke. was your true personality a joke to her?

- were you a joke to her?

- "alright mama, i'm going to my room now."

- "alright. make sure you study on your quiz or exam. i don't want to see you doing anything else."

- you rushed up the stairs and into the bathroom closest to you. tears fell from your eyes as you tried to silence your cries.

- you were an idiot, such a dumb, hopeful, idiot. you knew. you knew your mother, of course she wouldn't ever accept that!

- you hugged yourself and sat on the cold, hard tiles. you wanted to disappear, away from everything, away from everyone....

- akito.

- akito. you whispered his name in realization. quickly pulling out your phone hidden in your pocket, you typed in akito's contact and opened his messages. you checked the time. he most likely would be leaving practice.

you:

akito

akito

akito

kito <3:

wtf u want

you:

akito code red

- there was a pause in messages, before he made up for it, spamming you relentlessly.

kito <3:

what happened?

who did this to you?

do you need me to beat up anyone?

do u need me to come over? anything i should bring?

you'll be ok, just tell me what you need right now.

you:

just need you here with me

no need to beat anyone up

if you do come over, please just try to make as little conversation with her. like, smile whatever just give her a good impression of you. she's home today

- hoping he got the hint, you washed your face, quietly walked to your room and waited paitently.

- soon enough, you heard a knock downstairs. akito's polite voice (you would usually snicker everytime he used it) chimed through the house, and your mother called you downstairs. "[name], someone's here for you!"

- you wemt downstairs to find your mother and akito, who's customer service smile turned a little softer seeing you.

"this is your boyfriend, correct?"

"...yes mama."

"it's wonderful to see you! i would've loved to chat more, but i'm quite busy nowadays. surely you must be a good choice if [name] chose you."

- "mama..."

- akito smiled. "i'm very lucky to be with [name], mrs. [last name]. now, if you'll excuse us."

- your mother chuckled. "alright, alright. make sure you study for the test. you don't want to ruin your future, do you?"

- you laughed uncomfortably at her remark. she sure knows how to rub in wounds.

- “[name], i have to head off to do some errands, so make sure everything is ok while i'm gone."

- eager to leave, you nodded in response. you finally walked akito to your room and closed the door a little. keys jingled downstairs before a door closed and the lock clicked. you finally took a chance to sigh in relief.

- he sat on the bed and observed your mannerisms, worry in his face. "what happened? was it your mom?"

- tears started flowing down your cheeks and you gripped at your hair, fingers etching itself into your skin. everything turned blurry. your throat felt like the tears were closing it up. your breath was fast, deep, desperate.

- akito abruptly stood up and gently plied your hands off your hair, gently intertwining his fingers with yours. "hey, hey. [name]."

- he guided you to both sit on your bed, as he leaned his face closer to you. his olive green eyes looked into yours, and his whisper felt soft in your eardrums.

- "[name]. breathe. in and out."

- you hiccup and your words tripped over another. "my mom.... dammit! it's always my mom! i'm always trying to please her...but...she's always sets me up to be just her little trophy kid! my whole personality is just a stupid little joke to her! it hurts...akito...it hurts so much..."

- your outburst turned into a desperate, hoarse cry of hopelessness. "this isn't even the first time, 'kito. i'm so done. i put on a happy face for everyone and always pleasing others but when i want something suddenly i'm the bad guy. is this what selfishness is...?"

- akito pulled you closer to him and tightened his arms around you, one hand on your back and one on your head. your cries were the only thing heard as akito rocked you back and forth. a repeated plea of "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry" was muffled as your head rested on the crook of akito's neck.

- "be as selfish as you want, [name]. we'll both be selfish. never apologize for being selfish with me."

- your cries slowly quieted down to hiccups, as akito let his lips linger on the top of your head. for the first time this night, you didn't feel so tense.

- "feeling better?"

- you lifted your head for a moment. "a little bit.......!!!!" you noticed your tears landed on his hoodie, and you apologized repeatedly. "oh crap, akito i'm so sorry why didn't you tell me-"

- he placed his hand on your forearm and pulled you in. his lips found their place to yours, and your eyes widened before you finally melted.

- you both slowly leaned back for air and stared into the other's eyes.

- akito took your hand and gently kissed it, leaving no part of your skin without his love.

"we'll have our own little apartment." a kiss to your index knuckle.

- "and we'll have it filled with my equipment and your supplies." a kiss to your middle knuckle.

- "and we'll have little dates in the house, where we just do our own thing, but we know the other person is there and enjoying the other's company. and i'll make sure you never feel unappreciated ever again. and if someone has a problem with that, they're gonna have to go through me first." a kiss to your ring finger. you notice how his lips lingered, almost as if he was sealing a promise.

- "could we have a dog in the apartment?"

- he glared at you and almost let your hand go in disbelief. "absolutely not."

- "whyy?"

- "do you even want me in the apartment??"

- you laughed loudly, and akito eyes softened looking at you. he was finally satisfied with your smile back on your face. but, there’s one thing he forgot.

- you pointed to your last knuckle and watched as akito’s eyes furrowed in confusion before soon realizing what you wanted. he sighed, yet his smile only grew as he kissed the last one.

- “happy?”

- “very. very happy.”

- “you know what i said is true, right? i’m not one to give empty words. you know that out of all people, ya know?”

- you eyes crinkled in genuine joy as you whisper, “i know.”

- he took your hand and stood up, urging you to as well. “well, time to study then. i know damn well i’m not gonna pass this one anyways…”

- you snicker at your lover being hopeless with studying. “you complete idiot, we had so much time to study…”

- the future was always so intimidating to you, the choices of your life so dependent on what you did today. the future where your mother’s dissapointment held. you never wanted the future to come.

- but with akito by your side, you knew at least that your future wouldn’t be so bad with him.

- bring it on, future.

reposting or plagiarizing of my works is not allowed under any circumstances.

[animeniacss]

Seoksoo - imperfect Part 1 - Chapter 12 - Cramped, Nervous, and Desperate

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 6.5k words

Chapter 12 - Cramped, Nervous, and Desperate

--- Three Years Prior -----

“I bet there will be tons of cool college parties.” Eunkyung grinned from behind her soup spoon. Seokmin leaned back in his seat, smirking a bit.

“When have you ever pictured me as a party animal?”

Eunkyung reached for more rice, setting it into her bowl. “I think you’ll find a whole new side of yourself at college, Oppa. You’ll come back at the end of the term a new person.”

“You’re going to waste your entire college career getting drunk at parties?” His mother chimed in, causing both of her children to look in their direction. Seokmin set his chopsticks down.

“Well, no, but Mingyu told me-.”

“Mingyu’s a good kid. He doesn’t strike me as the party type, and neither do you.”

“When I’m in college, I’m going to party all the time.” Eunkyung grinned, mouth full of rice. Their mother shot her a disapproving look for her talking with a mouth full of rice. She quickly swallowed it before adding: “What? Tell me you didn’t party in college.”

“I did. And that’s why I’m saying you two can’t.”

Eunkyung gasped. “That’s like, total hypocrisy, Mom.”

“No, it’s called wisdom. Eunkyung, you’re barely 15. You can’t go around talking about hypocrisy.”

“Do you even know how to spell it?” Seokmin grinned at his sister from across the table. Eunkyung scoffed.

“Very funny.” She gathered up her empty plates and brought them into the kitchen to begin washing the dishes. Seokmin took another bite of his meal as his mother turned to him once more.

“Don’t go to parties, okay, Seokmin? You never know what someone’s going to put in your drink or if someone’s going to get in a fight. Just don’t do it. If you want to have a party, have it at your apartment. I’ll even host one here for all your friends. Okay? That way I know you’re safe.”

         He studied her expression. The wrong words could lead to her getting upset. So, he simply nodded with a quick: “Okay, Mom. I’m not a party person, anyway.”

His reassurance comforted her with a gentle smile, and Seokmin felt secure again. “At least one of my kids will turn out alright.” She reached out, putting her hand on Seokmin’s arm. He smiled a bit, nodding his head. She stared at him with the same intensity he had burned into his brain for the past 18 years of his life.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         Seokmin didn’t really like parties, especially on campus. He didn’t hate them, but he preferred to keep his distance. He didn’t hang out with the party crowd, and his friends only drank when they were in a safe and comfortable environment. A lot of students on campus came to party on the weekends, and with Study Week and finals creeping up on them within a month and a half, parties were being thrown all over campus, by every single group of people.

         Seokmin, however, loved Seungkwan. And Seungkwan asked him to come to the party being held by some of Hansol’s friends.

         “I won’t know anyone except for Hansol. What if he leaves me?”

         “Why would he leave you?” Seokmin looked down at his notebook, still full of small blips of ideas for his final monologue.

         “He wouldn’t, but what if we get separated?”

         “I’m sure that won’t happen.” Seungkwan wrapped his arms around Seokmin’s back, nuzzling into him.

         “Hyung, please! I’m begging you. Mingyu-Hyung and Seungcheol-Hyung will be off making out somewhere the entire night. I need someone to help me. Please.”

         With this plea buried into his chest, Seokmin was currently sitting on the floor of Joshua’s bedroom, staring at himself in the mirror as Nayeon brushed through his hair. Seungkwan and he had agreed to head to their apartment when they discovered – through Seungkwan’s very subtle sleuthing – that Nayeon and her friends were also invited. If Nayeon was invited, Jeonghan was too. And if Jeonghan was, then Joshua was tailing along somehow.

         Seokmin glanced up at Joshua as he sat on the edge of his bed. Even minutes before leaving for a party, he was working on something in his school textbook. His eyes darted between his book and his computer, hands flying away on the keys. In a pair of tight leather pants and a vibrant, marigold cut off, Joshua looked completely different than he usually did. His fluffy sweaters and professional slacks, or even his ripped jeans and mismatched combat boots were merely one side of him, it seemed.

         “Seokmin, are you excited?” Nayeon smiled down at him from their spot in front of the mirror. “This is your first party on campus, right?”

         “Oh, yeah.” He smiled up at Nayeon, and she only grinned wider. “Do you go to them a lot?”

         “Yeah. My friend Jeongyeon and I love going to the parties when we can.”

         “It’s only because you can get a good story if someone throws up.” Jeonghan smirked, resting against the door frame.

         “I would never post an article about someone at a party.” Nayeon gasped, offense written on her face. Seokmin’s eyes darted up to a grinning Jeonghan.

         “But you’d never forget it happened, either.” He said. Nayeon nodded her head, glad he understood her true intentions before turning her attention to Joshua.

         “Could you stop working for five minutes and finish getting ready?” Joshua’s eyes shot up from his screen, and Seokmin instinctively looked down at his lap.

         “Well, I wouldn’t have to be if you guys didn’t force me to go to this party.”

         “We didn’t force you to do anything.” Jeonghan said. “Your boyfriend asked.” Seokmin looked up at Jeonghan, who had a finger pointed directly at him. “We simply agreed you should come and encouraged it.”

         Seokmin closed his eyes, trying to focus on the feeling of the brush Nayeon was tugging through his hair. He could hear Seungkwan beside them, putting on eye glitter that Nayeon offered to him.

         “Seokmin-Hyung, you should put some of this on.” He said, handing off the glitter. “Don’t you think it brings out my eyes?”

         “Hansol won’t be able to stop looking at you.” Nayeon grinned, earning a content hum from a very eager Seungkwan. She pulled the brush back, and Seokmin’s eyes followed her as she exited the room. “I need to finish getting my make-up on. Then, we’ll be ready.” Jeonghan waved her off as she disappeared into the bathroom.

         “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, Joshua-Hyung.” He peered up at Joshua from his spot on the floor. Joshua looked down, his hair falling over his eyes a bit from the angle.

         “Nah.” His face softened. “It’s fine. I should probably get some air in my lungs.”

         “It’s been days since you did anything after school and tutoring.” Jeonghan said. “Seriously.” Seokmin looked up at Joshua again as he closed up his computer and book, setting them on the side of his bed. Swinging his legs over the side, he looked down at Seokmin and smiled reassuringly. 

“I can stay for a bit.”

         “Okay.” Seokmin was kind of hoping Joshua remained adamant about staying home, if only so he could stay with him instead of going. However, when Nayeon popped her head back in, face full of beautiful make-up, Seokmin knew there was no going back.

         “We need to take a picture.” She said quickly. She immediately pointed her camera at herself and Jeonghan, grinning while Jeonghan flashed a little peace sign behind her head. Seungkwan was next, and he pulled Seokmin into the shot. Seokmin immediately smiles a bit, putting a heart on his cheek like his favorite idols in shows do. Seungkwan offered a peace sign and Nayeon puckered her lips. “Cute!” She gasped. “Joshua, c’mon.”

         “Ahh, come on.” He sighed. Nayeon rolled her eyes, simply pulling him over as the group bunched together for a group shot. Nayeon stretched the camera out as far as she could. “Get in, get in.” When Joshua leaned forward, his chest pressed against Seokmin’s shoulder. He knew his cheeks would be red in the photo, but he simply put a peace sign up beside Seungkwan’s and the photo was snapped.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         “Aahhh, I’m nervous.” Seungkwan whined, shaking his head to hopefully stir up any of the confidence hiding in his body.

         “Why? You and Hansol seem to be getting along great.” Seokmin said. “Do you not think so?”

         “I mean, we do; we’ve talked in class a bunch and gotten coffee or studied in the library together. I think we’ve become pretty good friends.” Seungkwan saw the house coming into view, and he gripped Seokmin’s arm tighter. “But this is much more intimate. Close quarters, low lights, drinking.”

         “Will someone call the cops on the place?” Seokmin peered up at the building. They had been walking from their parking space a few blocks away, and Seokmin could already feel his legs getting heavy. He took a deep breath. “I’m sure most people here aren’t even old enough to drink.”

         Jeonghan spun his keys in his hand, whistling. “Don’t worry about that, Seokmin.” He draped his arm around Nayeon, as she was on the phone in hopes of finding her friends scattered through the party. She seemed to catch one waiting outside, and her hand flew up in excitement to flag them down. “And that’s my cue, guys.” Jeonghan called as he got tugged ahead. Joshua snorted when Jeonghan was heard begging his girlfriend to slow down just a bit.

         “Alright, Seungkwan, let’s get your man.” Joshua patted the younger male’s shoulder in support. He stood between the duo, leading them into the party doors.

         The second Seokmin stepped inside, he felt his chest tighten. The music pumping through the house felt like it was squeezing Seokmin. He took a deep breath, but it hurt, so he exhaled. The walls were lined with college students, some already drunk and grinding on the person closest to them. Seokmin watched a couple run up the stairs, hand in hand. He caught a glint in the girl’s eyes at the thought of what was about to happen. He turned to Joshua, who was pointing straight ahead. Following his gaze, Hansol was at the end of the hall. He had a drink against his lips and was chatting with another, slightly taller male. He was fixing a set of glasses, hand in his short black hair as he smiled at Hansol. Whatever they were talking about, they looked very interested in one another. Even amongst the chest crushing music and musty smell, Seokmin saw Seungkwan’s lips dip into a large frown.

         “Woah. What’s with that face?” Seokmin asked. He pressed closer to Joshua’s side, the taller one placing his hand on the small of Seokmin’s back to steady him.

         “Jeon Wonwoo.” He scoffed. “He’s a junior in the Computer Sciences Department.” Seungkwan groaned. “He’s so cool. I heard he’s like, totally famous on Twitch.”

         “You’re kidding.” Joshua’s eyes widened. He glanced down at Seokmin, who only shrugged.

         “Yeah. Hansol mentioned him a few times. What do I do?!”

         “Go talk to him anyway.” Seokmin said. “Didn’t he invite you?”

         “Well, yeah, but-.”

         “All I can say is Nayeon will be pissed that you used her eye glitter and didn’t at least go make a move.” Seungkwan sighed, nodding his head.

         “You’re right.” Seungkwan nodded his head. “I have to go and make myself known.”

         “Fighting, Kwannie!” Seokmin pumping his fists in excitement, Joshua following the motion beside him. Seungkwan shuffled through the crowds, and the older duo watched as he caught Hansol’s attention.

         “Look how he’s looking at Seungkwan.” Joshua said, motioning to the wide-eyed look Hansol gave their friend. Seokmin took a second to scan over Joshua one more time. He was close enough to see the veins in Joshua’s arms poking out since it was so cold, yet Joshua didn’t leave the house with a jacket. “He’s so smitten.”

         “Yeah.” Seokmin said. He pressed a hand to Joshua’s arm, finally capturing his attention. “Aren’t you cold in a tank top? It’s November.”

         Joshua shrugged. “It’s not that bad.” Seokmin turned his attention to Seungkwan once again, who was eyeing Wonwoo up and down as they talked with a very seemingly oblivious Hansol.

         “He has no idea Seungkwan’s plotting Wonwoo’s death right now, does he?” Seokmin asked. Joshua cackling, nodding his head.

         “No fucking clue.” Joshua put his hand on his hip. “Why don’t we go in and get something to drink?” Seokmin looked around the room once more, before nodding his head. Hand still pressed to the small of Seokmin’s back, they headed further into the party. Seokmin made sure to tap Seungkwan’s shoulder and motion where they were headed. Seungkwan was already looking at Hansol with hearts in his eyes and Seokmin wondered if any words even registered in his brain.

         Joshua grabbed them a few drinks from one of the many coolers scattered through the house for easy access. He motioned a beer to Seokmin, who shook his head.

         “I don’t drink.” He shouted over the loud music.

         “Oh, shit. Sorry.” Joshua knelt back down, replacing the beer bottle for a water bottle. He set his own bottle on the counter beside them, snapping the plastic cap open and passing it to Seokmin. He took the bottle with a smile.

         “Thanks.” He called, putting the drink to his lips. Joshua did the same when he got his own open. Seokmin looked around at the sea of drunk and possibly horny college students. He wondered if Eunkyung attended parties like this. Their mother would blow a gasket if she was. Seokmin wondered how she would react if she found out Seokmin was at a party, even if he was drinking water instead of alcohol and pressed up against someone that he cared for rather than some random person he had just met in a drunk daze. “I’m not a big party person.”

         “Me either.” Joshua said against the top of the bottle. “But it’s nice to get out and do it sometimes.” Seokmin nodded, eyes falling to a couple grinding on one another to the music, only a few feet away. Their arms were wrapped around one another, hips swaying to the beat that was pounding in his ears. He turned away when they began making out. He felt Joshua pull him closer to his side, offering a smile. Even under the dim lights, Joshua looked perfect. Seokmin really wanted to kiss him, but the setting of his first kiss with this guy being at a crowded party? No. “You look overwhelmed.” Joshua asked, leaning forward a bit. His voice practically brushed Seokmin’s ear, shivering despite being packed in a hot room. “Are you okay?”

         “Yeah.” Seokmin turned to him a bit. When he did his eyes immediately fell on how close their lips were. Something in Seokmin’s chest stopped. He studied Joshua’s lips for a minute. It felt as if the rest of the party had stopped, waiting at a standstill for something to happen between these two.

         He really wanted to kiss Joshua.

         The hand on Seokmin’s waist tightened a bit, making his breath catch in his throat. Hoping to avoid whatever gaze Joshua was looking at him with, Seokmin’s eyes dipped down to the necklace adoring his collarbones. Even in this stunning outfit, little plastic beads poking out from underneath. His finger reached up, wrapping around the beads gently. He rubbed a thumb along one of the clear beads laid right in the center.

         “Is this new?” Despite Seokmin’s voice rising to be heard over the music, it was still delicate and trembling. Joshua took a second to process the question, finally nodding his head.

         “I couldn’t sleep last night.” He said.

         Seokmin felt his body press closer to Joshua when a couple staggered past, not even turning to utter a half-ass apology. Seokmin gulped. Each beat of the music felt as if it were crushing him into a smaller ball. He wanted to simply curl up and escape from here. But his only option was to press closer to Joshua, who was happy to oblige, bringing him closer into his circle. Seokmin felt a burning sensation in his throat. Gripping the little plastic beads as if they were the last string keeping him from falling into an endless abyss, Seokmin knew he needed to say something else to distract himself.

         “You don’t sleep a lot.” Smooth.

         Joshua’s nose crinkled, nodding his head. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead, I guess.”

         “You’ll get sick if you say that, you know.”

         “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just can’t.” He leaned closer, breath tickling Seokmin’s ear like the kiss of an angel. “Thanks for worrying about me, but this isn’t really ‘dance party’ conversation, you know.”

         “I-.” Seokmin shivered. “I don’t really know much, ‘dance party conversation’.” His eyes flickered up to Joshua’s as he took another sip of his drink. Even when he wasn’t looking at Seokmin, his eyes sent shivers down his spine. He felt like he’d turn to mush at any second, forming into a puddle at Joshua’s feet. His neck craned to the large dance floor where most had congregated. Immediately, his eyes locked on Mingyu. He had arrived with Seungcheol early on in the night, both being friends with the host. Seokmin saw his shoulder-length, black hair bouncing under the colored lights with Seungcheol, head back and laughter that was drowned out by the music. He looked happy, they looked happy. No worries in the back of their mind, just enjoying the night together, in one another’s arms, like it was the only place they wanted to be.

         The worst things happen at college parties. You never know who will be there, or what they’ll try to do.

         “Do you want to dance?” Seokmin turned to see Joshua as he set down his beer bottle. Seokmin immediately noticed barely two sips were taken from it. “You’re staring at the dance floor so intensely.”

         “There’s…” Seokmin paused. “I just saw a friend in the crowd. There’s a lot of people.” Joshua nodded. 

         The duo watched the party go on around them. Seokmin tried to focus on the silence that settled between them, hoping even a little drop of it would calm his nerves. He felt he should be on the dance floor, hips pressed up against Joshua because that was expected. There must be someone who has seen the both of them just standing there, wondering why the hell they were even at the party to begin with if they didn’t intend to enjoy it.

         Joshua must be having a miserable time, just standing in one spot.

“Uhm-.” Seokmin’s voice turned the older male’s attention back to him. “If you want to, then-.”

         “No, it’s okay.” Joshua’s hips pressed against the counter top, elbow resting on the marble surface as he scanned the crowd. “I’m fine right here.” His fingers tightened on Seokmin’s back one final time, closing all the space between them. Seokmin felt his knee press against Joshua’s thigh. “Besides, my dancing skills could put all of these guys to shame. I’m doing them a favor.”

         Finally, Seokmin offered a laugh that blended with the beat. “Oh, I see.”

         “Yeah. I could wipe the entire dance floor with my one signature move.”

         “I kind of want to see it.” Seokmin admitted. Joshua shook his head.

         “It’s way too much. It might melt your brain from all of its amazingness.” Seokmin’s laughter continued, covering his mouth as his head fell forward, pressing against Joshua’s chest. Almost immediately as it did, his head shot up right, cheeks tinted red. Amused by the reaction, Joshua leaned closer. “Hm? You okay?”

         “Fine. I’m fine.” Seokmin squeaked. Joshua nodded, smiling in a way that made Seokmin feel like he was caught in a lie.

         I really want to kiss him, this is insanity. How on earth do I go about doing that? What do I do? What. Do. I. Do?!

         Joshua tongue ran along the inside of his bottom lip, Seokmin catching the entire thing since he couldn’t peel his eyes away from that part of his perfect face.

         Is that his sign he wants to kiss me? I can’t tell. What if I go for it and make a fool of myself? I’ll never live it down. I’ll never live it down.

         “Seokmin.” Joshua breathed.

         Do I even want my first kiss with him to be at some party? What will that make me? Will he think I want to do other stuff? Don’t you do other stuff at a party?

         “Seokmin.” His voice was a bit firmer.

         “Hm?” Seokmin could barely feel the sound leave his lips.

         “You’re squeezing my necklace like it owes you money.” Seokmin’s eyes finally steadied, dropping from Joshua’s lips to the vice grip he had on the plastic beads. They were lifted off his neck from the force of his grip.

         His grip loosened completely, allowing the jewelry to fall back against Joshua’s skin. “Sorry…” Joshua only shrugged.

         Unsure if it was a blessing or a curse, the second a new voice flooded their space, Seokmin’s shoulders immediately dropped. He and Joshua turned to see Seungkwan and Hansol approaching, down one Wonwoo and up one arm around Seungkwan’s shoulder. Seokmin was about to say something, but Seungkwan beat him to it.

         “Are we interrupting something?” Seungkwan asked, eyeing the lack of space between the two.

         Joshua glanced down at Seokmin for a second, before replying. “Not at all. Is this Hansol?”

         Seokmin watched as the two immediately fell into proper greetings. Once Joshua said his full name, Hansol’s eyes lit up.

         “Shit, where are you from?”

         “LA. You?”

         “New York.”

         “I’ve been there a few times.”

         Seokmin couldn’t understand what they were saying. However, even if they were speaking in Korean, he knew he’d still have no idea. His head held the entire ocean, waves crashing into his skull and making him feel all kinds of motion sickness. He couldn’t steady his eyes anymore. The uncertainty made his breath hitch.

         A hand squeezed his, and when he looked up, he saw Seungkwan. His eyes fell to the shorter of the two and the curious glint in his eyes. It was a look that made Seokmin’s stomach knot up in ways he didn’t know were possible.

         “I’m stealing him.” Seungkwan called to the others. Joshua offered Seokmin one smile, before turning back to chat with Hansol about something. He heard the word ‘America’ and ‘teaching’, both words he had heard Joshua use in English before.

         Seungkwan nestled the both of them in a corner, right beside the sliding door that led outside. Seokmin leaned against it, eyes glazed over as he looked down at Seungkwan.

         “I saw the two of you getting hot and heavy.” Seungkwan grinned. “I was going to give you both space, but Hansol wanted to meet Joshua-Hyung, and-.” Seokmin listened as Seungkwan began rambling about his interaction with Wonwoo and Hansol. It was all he could do: listen. Words were not forming in his brain much less his mouth.

         You shouldn’t be at a party, Lee Seokmin.

         At least one of my kids was supposed to turn out okay.

         Seokmin covered his mouth as his mother’s voice coursed through his brain. It was imaginary, but it felt so clear, as if she were standing right beside him. His mind felt light, yet heavy. Any moment he would fall over and shatter all over the floor of this stranger’s home.

         You went to a party and didn’t even sleep with him? Lame, Oppa.

Then, Seokmin’s mind spoke up; his own thoughts torturing him relentlessly rather than the assumed thoughts of his family.

If they find out I went to a party at least they’ll make up long enough to gang up on me next….

         “I’m going to throw up.” Seokmin choked behind his hand. Seungkwan’s mouth closed almost immediately when he felt his bicep get gripped.

         “Did you drink that much already? I didn’t expect you to be-.”

         “Seungkwan, I’m going to throw up.” He choked out again, voice shaky and desperate. His grip on Seungkwan’s bicep tightened. “I can’t breathe, I-.”

         His friend’s eyes widened. “Okay. Okay, okay.” Seungkwan grabbed the handle of the sliding door and pulled it open, hitting the duo with a huge gust of wind that almost made Seokmin fall over. “Hyung?” He called, turning his head to the duo still chatting by the kitchen counter. Seokmin only caught Joshua’s gaze for a second before stepping outside. He immediately knelt down in the grass. Everything around him was static; the voices, the footsteps, the chatter. Nothing settled in his ears as he coughed into his hands. His stomach refused to throw up like he had thought, leaving him violently coughing into his hand to get whatever was burning in the pit of his stomach to go away. Every few seconds he gasped for air, but the huge intake of it only left him coughing more.

When he finally managed to stop himself from coughing so much, a shaky hand pressed against his mouth, thumbing away whatever tears were streaming down his cheeks when they fell onto his skin. Seokmin looked up at the night sky overhead, hand tangled in his hair. He wanted to focus on the stars; connect summer constellations in fall because that felt so much easier than this. His throat burned something so intense he thought it would leave a hole in his throat. He tried to swallow it down, but the lack of air only resulted in another round of frantic coughs.

Tired from holding his head up, it fell onto his knees, forehead digging into the bones. The world was still shaking, static buzzing in his ears no matter how many deep breaths he took or how tightly he gripped the base of his hair. He felt as if time was at a standstill and the play button was jammed. No matter how hard he pressed it, slammed the recording device, or reset the machine, he was stuck here forever.

         “Seokmin.” His name being called made him look up to see Joshua staring down at him. A hand was outstretched to him, and he was smiling. Seokmin sniffled, wiping his eyes one more time in hopes the tears would stop falling for good. He reached out and took Joshua’s hand, allowing him to get back on his feet. Steadying himself up right made his head pound, and he let out a deep breath. “I’ll take you home, okay?” Seokmin was silent for a minute. When Joshua offered a little smile, Seokmin felt the play button finally snap back into place. The static slowly became a dull ringing in the back of his ears as it faded from his brain all together. Seokmin nodded, eyes casting to the floor as he squeezed Joshua’s hand tighter.

         “Okay.” He said.

“Hyung...” Seokmin looked over just as Seungkwan came to his side. His glitter was a bit messy, eyes glassy from what looked to be his own set of worried tears brushed away by his hand. Hansol was on the other side of him, handing Seokmin the water he had left by them in the kitchen. Seokmin took it with a barely audible thank you, pressing it to his lips. “What happened?”

         Seokmin shook his head. “I’m okay.” He said softly. “Don’t worry about me.”    

         “Want me to come home with you too? So you’re not alone?”

         “No, you wanted to come. Have a good time. I’ll probably just….” He coughed into his hand. “Go to sleep.” Seungkwan looked over at Joshua sadly, rubbing his arms as the chilly fall air began picking up.

         “Don’t worry, I got it.” Joshua assured. He peered to the side of the house. “Come on, let’s use the side gate so we don’t have to go back inside.”

         Seokmin couldn’t even nod in response, quietly following Joshua out of the house without so much as another glance to Seungkwan and Hansol. He felt as if he was in a trance, the play button just going on a continuous loop with no stop in sight.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         The ride back home was silent. Seokmin didn’t even have the energy to question if Joshua should be driving after drinking half a beer. His head was lolled against the window, looking at the blur of the world passing him by. The music was playing softly, but Seokmin barely had a voice to hum any of the beats.

         By the time they got back to the apartments, Seokmin was unsure how many times he dozed in and out of consciousness, each time his eyes startled awake being a painful reminder that he was in fact still in the same day. There was no fast forward button on the machine in his head, and it almost made him want to cry again.

         Joshua led him up to the apartment without a word, only a quiet hand on Seokmin’s back to guide him. Seokmin could barely handle the touch, but had little strength to prevent it. Using Seungkwan’s spare key – which Seungkwan hid flawlessly in a very cute flower pot outside their door – the duo stepped back into the apartment. Seokmin didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he gasped for air in the front entrance, chest tightening as he looked around.

         “Want a water?” Hearing Joshua’s voice almost scared Seokmin back to reality. Almost. Just enough to remember that they were in his apartment.

         “I’ll get-.” Seokmin was cut off by Joshua, who shook his head.

         “No. You’ll sit.” He motioned to the couch. He headed to the fridge to find some drinks, and Seokmin could only nod.

         “Okay…” he said. Barely kicking off his shoes and shuffling them side by side, he made his way to the couch and sank into it. He hoped with enough force he would be enveloped by it and leave his plane of existence forever. He still could barely breathe, his heart feeling as if it were being gripped in someone’s fist.

         “Here.” Joshua made his way back with a glass of water for the both of them. Seokmin took his with a nod and sipped it. “I would’ve offered tea but, I don’t know where your tea stuff is.”

         Seokmin almost choked on his drink. “Sorry.”

         “Don’t be.”

         Seokmin looked over at Joshua as he sipped his own drink, kicking one leather-clad leg over the other as he got himself comfortable. “You don’t-.” Seokmin hesitated. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”

         “Nonsense.” Joshua shook his head. “I’ll stay for a bit. Do you really strike me as the type to drop you off and bail?”

         Seokmin shook his head. “No.” Another sip of water down his throat. The burning sensation and its aftermath still tore apart his esophagus with each sip that he swallowed.

         The duo sat in silence for a while, Joshua unsure of what to say and Seokmin unable to say much of anything at all. He set his water on the coffee table, leaning back on his couch and closing his eyes. A deep exhale shook his body. “Are you feeling better now that we left?”

         “A little…” Seokmin turned his head to look at him.

         “You really don’t like parties, hm?” Joshua smiled.

         Seokmin’s lips curled up in a small smile. “No, I don’t. My mom told me I shouldn’t go to college parties.”

         “Why?”

         “She told me that it’s dangerous because you don’t know who is there. You don’t know if the punch has been laced with something or if the cute guy you’re talking to put something in your drink when he went to grab it.”

         Joshua nodded. “I didn’t do that last part.”

         “I know.”

         “Laxatives in the punch would have been funny, though.” Seokmin chuckled a bit, watching as Joshua downed the rest of his water and set his own empty glass on the table.

         “My mom will kill me when she finds out I went to one. I told her I wouldn’t.”

         “Will she find out?”

         “I’ll tell her when I talk to her, probably.”

         “....Does she have to know?”

         Seokmin looked at Joshua. “I tell my mom everything.”

         A pause from Joshua, arms crossed and visible confusion on his face. “Even if you’ll get in trouble?”

         Seokmin didn’t know how to answer that. He sat up straight, pressing his lips together tightly in thought. “Sorry.” Joshua chimed in. “It’s not my place to assume things about your family life.”

         “No, I…It’s okay.” He looked down at his lap. His hands were red from the cold air that enveloped them on the entire walk to and from the car that chilly night. He pressed them together to see if they’d stick together, but no such luck as they pulled apart with a little pop. Suddenly, the couch shifted, and when Seokmin looked over, Joshua was sitting beside him.

         “You have something in your hair.” He said. “May I?” Seokmin nodded, eyes trailing up as Joshua’s hand tangled in his locks. For the few seconds Joshua’s hand found a home in his hair, he closed his eyes. Joshua’s finger plucked whatever he saw, scratching his scalp. Fingers dragged along the locks and Seokmin felt nice. For the first time all night. Finally, he was able to take a breath that didn’t make it feel as if he had swallowed a broken glass cup. His hands had stopped shaking and his body felt tingly; but in a good way.

         He pulled out a few pieces of fuzz, flicking them away and smiling. “There.” Seokmin’s eyes opened again. When he turned to Joshua with the intention to say thank you, something else slipped from his lips.

         “Can you do that again?”

         Joshua cocked an eyebrow. “Get fuzz out of your hair?”

         His cheeks heated up. “No.” Seokmin avoided his gaze, tilting his head to the side, scalp directed at Joshua. “That was…very relaxing, so.” No response from Joshua, and when Seokmin looked back up, Joshua was grinning. “What? You don’t have to, but-.”

         “I will.” He said. Shifting back on the couch, he leaned forward and pointed to the little spot in front of him, right between his legs. “Come here.”

         “Sorry, what?”

         “C’mere.” He motioned to the spot once again. Reluctant yet desperate for that tingling sensation, Seokmin plopped down on the floor in front of Joshua. It took a few seconds, Seokmin craning his neck when Joshua dramatically cracked his knuckles. However, within seconds, Joshua’s hands began threading through his hair and Seokmin took another deep breath. It felt as if he swallowed the entirety of heaven in one breath, head tilting back just a bit. “I guess that’s relaxing?”

         “Very.” Seokmin closed his eyes. Joshua’s fingers danced along his hair, and Seokmin felt he could do anything in that moment. However, out of all the things he could do, he wanted to sit here with Joshua forever. He wanted to feel these soft, gentle fingers gliding through his scalp with no pattern in mind, simply moving through the locks and scratching any parts that had gone untouched. Seokmin felt warmer than he had on any summer day at this moment, leaning into Joshua’s touch.

         “Hyung.” Seokmin muttered, a hum from above him making his eyes finally open. “I’m sorry I ruined tonight.”

         “You didn’t. I’m sorry you got so overwhelmed.” A scratch on the nape of Seokmin’s neck; he shivered.

         Seokmin took the silence to think back to Joshua’s question from before. Even if you know you’ll get in trouble? “My mom and my sister are having this really big fight right now.” For a second, Joshua’s hands stopped in his hair, tangled among the locks and Seokmin wondered if he said too much. However, gentle fingers resumed before he replied.

         “About what?”

         “Everything. My sister says my mother is controlling, but my mom says my sister doesn’t respect her.” Seokmin pulled a knee to his chest. “My sister came home late the other night and they got into a huge blow out with each other. She’s been staying at a friends and my mom has been trying to figure out where she is.”

         “Did you tell her?” Seokmin shook his head.

         “Only that she’s at a friend’s house. Not who. Eunkyung keeps saying how she wants to stop talking to our mom, how she’s basically being forced out of the house. Which my mom isn’t trying to do. But in the same vein, my mom never knows how to handle problems. She screams and yells, then Eunkyung screams and yells, and-.”

         “You get stuck in the middle.” Seokmin’s eyes casted to the floor. “Seokmin, I’m sorry. That must be so hard.”

         “I know they fight because they’re the same person, you know. Stubborn, prideful. They carry a lot of baggage from tons of different things. But they both carry so much love, and I know they both only mean well. I don’t know what to do this time. I can usually get them to calm down after a few days but Eunkyung won’t even text my mom.”

         Joshua was quiet for a minute, but his hands kept working in Seokmin’s hair.

         “I don’t know what you should do.” Joshua finally sighed. “Or, what you even can do. It sounds like their problem…”

         Seokmin’s neck craned up to look at Joshua, and felt his eyes glaze over with tears again. Joshua looked down, a hand immediately leaving his hair and wiping Seokmin’s eyes.

         “But what if Eunkyung doesn’t come back home?” He heard his voice crack. “I don’t know what I’d do.”

         “That won’t happen.” Joshua assured. “They just need time to calm down. I’m sure they’ll come to common ground soon.” Seokmin straightened his head once again, Joshua continuing to work his fingers into the locks. “Don’t worry about that now, okay?”

         “Okay…”

         “Focus on my brilliant massaging skills, instead. Melt into my touch.” Seokmin laughed a bit, a toothy-grin forming on his face that he couldn’t bite back if he tried.

         “Add it to your resume of random skills, Shua-Hyung.” He said softly. Joshua laughed a bit.

         “I will.” He said. As the apartment fell into silence once more, Seokmin closed his eyes and simply enjoyed the feeling of Joshua’s hands in his hair. He knew the tingles that it sent down his spine, and the warmth that bloomed in his chest wouldn’t last forever. Hell, it wouldn’t even last through the night. However, the longer the clock hands ticked away, Seokmin couldn’t help but think about how badly he still wanted to turn and kiss Joshua. How badly he wanted to melt into his touch and thank him for everything he had no obligation to do.         Seokmin, for the next ten minutes, had no intention of using the stop button. If this one tender moment had to come to an end at some point, that didn’t mean all of this – all of Joshua – had too as well. 

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[my-castles-crumbling]

hi Cas!

uh so ive always been a stem girl but next year we have our country's equivalent of the GCSEs and im a freshman right but my grades in almost every stem subject sucks rn like they're at an all time low, as in i have a 77 in physics in my report card and in my country anything less than a 95 is basically shit and i had plans to change schools in eleventh grade but my current report card isnt remotely close to what it should've been and the thing is im not bad at stem, like if i practiced or studied it regularly id probably be doing a lot better but yeah that didn't happen and the fact still remains that im a natural at humanities as in i study less than a week before the midterms and get more than i did in any stem subject? my best friend thinks i should probably consider a career in humanities bc im better at it but ive always wanted a career in stem, like, ever since third grade and everyone knows that i want(ed) to work at NASA but rn i dont really think i stand any chance of getting into my country's best colleges and that might not be the end of the world but ive always been like yeah im going to go there and it's basically common knowledge at this point

so ever since third grade i have kinda had my life all planned out? like obviously changes have been made but I've always been the one who's known what they wanted to do and i always thought I'd end up in aerospace engineering or at least another stem career but now with my grades im reconsidering and see, my country and family both value stem a lot like most people take up careers in it but my parents arent very restricting but it's always just been assumed that id go into stem too and i just casually mentioned it to my mom about dropping out of stem bc i felt like i couldnt do well in the subjects and later she was joking about it to my father and ik they wouldn't really care but i don't know if i actually want to drop out of stem and the thing is, my best friend's mom was kinda talking to mine about how both her and i arent doing as well despite having the potential (my mom agrees and our families are close enough for that conversation) and my best friend still doesnt know what to do so i was suggesting international relations to her which has always been my in another life career and that got me thinking as well about it just in case this doesnt work out but i have to make a decision by the end of tenth grade bc we get to choose our subjects for our junior and senior years then

im just kinda worried about how everyone will take it but more than that ive always wanted the freedom to move from one country to another without having to retake an exam like you'd have to for law and medical which was why i dropped the idea of doing law and im a very materialistic person, in the sense that i want to be rich like, have a large living space, luxury cars and brands, and most importantly be able to travel the world (which is probably my life goal) and money is just a means to that end and for that i need a good job but i also kinda prioritise my ability to travel when considering careers so i dont want to be tied down by becoming loyal to a particular government

im not even sure if i actually want to do ir instead of aerospace engineering. im just kinda testing the waters rn by doing research but im scared bc it's almost common knowledge that i want(ed) to work for NASA and I've always had my life planned out to the exact college i wanted to go to since third grade and the last i altered it and that too slightly was in seventh grade but this choice is going to affect everything and i dont know if im even going to make it

sorry for the rant, i hope you're having a good day wherever you are

Hi!

Okay so a few thoughts:

First of all, you're allowed to change your mind about what you want to do with your life at any time in your life, but expecially when you're this young. You should do what makes you feel fulfilled and happy, and if someone doesn't support you, that's their problem.

However, I do want to say that whatever you decide, don't just pick something that's easy. Because the thing is, at some point, everything will have rough spots. First decide what will make you happy, then figure out what work you need to do to get there.

I hope that makes sense!

[razzmothazz]

4th unit member infodump but im quoting what my sister sent me abt him :3 feat. little doodles she made !!

awful dad!! music mom.

mom was singing at a bar for a job (also playing piano)

Shi was amazed!!! wanted to make music also!!!

dad was mean said bad things like: "music not for boys, not a good paying career, Shi has no talent"

Shi sad cause parents fight all the time! so anger took part in school life

from ages 7 to 15 shi would pick fights. only thing that wasnt making him angry was music (especially his moms)

mom would say to him how music can be an escape and how it can never be boring cuz theres so much of it. hearing that Shin would then learn to play every instrument that he could know of. but since dad was an asshole he wouldnt give him money for it. Shi would then make the instruments himself with his grandpa. first they made a flute.

when Shi turned 15 he could already play 20 instruments. his favourite was bass. he found a job to buy a legit one and when he did he played for his mom while she sang along. then the asshole dad came drunk talking about how his friends sons are pursuing sports and other "manly" stuff. he saw the brand new guitar and smashed it in front of Shi and mom.

mom left dad and moved to a different city! Shi was happi! wanted a fresh start but since when he was a deligent no one in old school liked him. so he had a plan to completly change so that no one would bully him bc they wouldnt know a thing about him! he became quiet, never spoke first to anyone. that backfired cuz ppl thought hes scary.

so no friends for Shi ... untill.... Yuno!

if anyone wants to ask abt him ill just forward the question to my sis :3

we didnt coordinate on their stories at all but shi has a lot of parallels with yuno + we wanted to give them a sibling like dynamic from the start so this works wonders hehe, shi is definitely the only person yuno feels like they can fully vunerable with and stuff and they just get eachother

bonus drawings from her

[sugar-omi]

honestly all that was sooo what i needed to hear rn bc a girls been STRESSED so thank you <3 😭

i'm gonna major in biotechnology! i went to a votech and that was my trade there and i loved it so i wanna continue studying it. not totally sure what job i want yet so i don't know how much schooling i'll do but yeah! :D

BIOTECH??? THAT SOUNDS SO COOL N SO COMPLICATED please i literally had to google that shit bc idk what it entails but this is some big brain shit, n all i gotta say is good luck n i am cheering you ON!!🎉🫶🫶

although i think you got this in the bag already. anyone with the balls to do something so advanced. is a very smart n strong person. from what im reading on google this is some really cool shit, no matter what direction you go with it. n you have your work cut out for you, but i know you got this!!

so don't doubt yourself!! you got this!!! your brain is huge n you are powerful!!!!

n of course!!! i figured saying something like that would help with anyones anxiety, because really, its the pressure (even if they're not actually pressuring you) and the overwhelm of questions and expectations that make the future so stressfullll

*ramble utc because i... cannot help yapping i guess LOL and while i'd usually be embarrassed and delete my ramble n word vomit, but i figure someone else readding this may appreciate the relatability of what i have to say about my fams reaction to my plan after hs, and find some comfort in my word, if thats not to presumptuous

because i decided to take a gap year (it's been a year since i graduated, for reference), and everyone freaked out. my mom n uncles first reaction was "yeah well, you won't go if you do..." before they came around n agreed with my reasoning. and my dad was all "if i had it my way, you'd go full time--" (mind u, he likes to brag that he worked n went to school full time AND partied.... he did not finish college LMAO) and when i graduated, said to me a MONTH. AFTER MY GRADUATION. "if you're not going to college any time soon, go into the air force."

and when my extended family would ask my plans, and i only had a short "i'm just gonna take a break right now, figure some things out, work... and by then i'll have come to a decision." because i was tossing around the thought of art school, and then i thought abt getting an english degree to be either a teacher or go into writing/editing, journaling or whatever... but was also tossing around the thought of psychology and even real estate. my ideas for my future were absolutely jumbled, and i was torn between what would make money, what i loved, and what i was interested in that i thought could be a career.

it's tough. especially depending on your financial situation yknow, so your thought process always leads towards something profitable but also wanting to do something you enjoy, maybe even love, but not wanting to burn out and tarnish your beloved hobby/hobbies.

like while i did have people who supported me upfront, and never doubted my plan, it's the small things too yknow. because for months my dad's words haunted me, i felt like i wasn't doing enough. or when i met family, and they asked how it was going, or what i was doing now, i felt disappointed that my answer was always "i haven't been doing anything. just been sleeping, drawing, writing..." or eventually that and "practiced driving.. n that's about it."

or when i'd talk to close family members, and i admitted i was going through a hard time, my mental state finally falling on me now that i didn't have to be strong n power through school. i even got sick a couple times, because my body was finally feeling the stress. even now, i feel a mental lag, a fog. but i feel clearer, a bit.

but yknow, the looks and the "you said that last time" or "i think you're lying" is tough.

but at the end of the day, if not working for the summer, or not going to college for a semester, or 2, or 3, or a whole year. or if going part time, or whatever you're doing... and it benefits you, and it benefits your mental health. then do it, don't listen too much, don't feel too guilty.

because if you need it, just like i needed the time to rejuvenate, then don't listen to anyone else. don't force yourself to do anything. because if you have the ability to take a break now, do it. you're not doing this because you're lazy, or selfish, or unambitious. or anything like that. you're taking that break, you're taking this break right now, for future you.

because if you don't take it now, when will you take it? and when you do take a break... will it be at the cost of your health? will it be at the cost of something greater? when the break comes, will it come when you're being handed the gold medal you've been fighting for.. and then it slips out of your hand just like that.

anyway.. do whats best for you. what you need. don't worry about figuring things out too fast either, because in fact, i've been plotting this moment of my life for about 10 years, genuinely, and i still had to revise it. still had to come to a conclusion because even with all that plotting, it doesn't plan for the hard times. or the 'you' you are right now. you will be someone else next week. and you will be someone entirely different 2 months from now.

take your time. because if you jump into something, and are unsatisfied, or "waste" time doing something other than what you "should be doing", the time still passes.

if you "waste time" anyway, waste it on yourself. not others expectations. or wishes. or their dreams.

and once enough time passes as well, no matter what you do by then. the questions do stop coming. the weight of the future, once you get there, is suddenly not so... big. intimidating.

you do not need a grandiose plan. if you are content with the future in your mind, that is enough. because at the end of your life, who will sit in that chair and ponder the life you lived, and weight it's satisfaction, if not you?

[imeverywoman420]

You're only a feminist because you weren't raised by one. Try having only a few career options planned out for you since birth (doctor, scientist, lawyer) and having your mom constantly put you down for being too emotional or needing help with anything. Feminism is the reason I still beat myself up for asking for help and I will never be anything other than a useless disappointment. Hell, your mom sounds feminist based on how you talk about her yet you still want this ideology (that blatantly devalues women who aren't basically Hilary Clinton) to dictate your entire life??

Youre literally describing my mom wtf are you talking about. Ive repeatedly talked about how i was never Encouraged or allowed to be like “girly” and ask for help or be vulnerable or be interested in boys and dating and both of my parents exclusively pushed for me to be very independent and shit like that. My mom isnt a feminist shes a typical masculine southern “not like other girls” conservative women, like 60-70 percent of women in the south are lol.

You have really weird views on feminism and politics btw like i dont even know what to say. Like. Im not even trying to be mean i think you have emotional connections that youre assigning something else to

[da3dm]

HI I PROMISE I'M SLOWLY GETTING INTO YOUR CONTENT, I FINALLY FOLLOWED YOU AND WILL GET INTO THE G/T FIC THEN IRZA AND VARA SOON AFTER!!! PATIENCE PLEASE IM NOT A QUICK PERSON!!!

ANYWAYS

🦅, ✍️ , 🌞 , 💖 , 📚 for the writer ask game! :]

ALSO you should make a playlist for vara or irza or vaza (coining an unofficial ship/duo name LMAO) or even eze !!!

— brick

i will unveil myself like a normal anon will, just for fun :)

HELLO YDXKGCKUGC

It’s perfectly fine, you actually startled me when you followed me! Which is actually pretty hilarious, and thank you for this ask...‘anon’!

You should’ve asked for a snippet of a wip or something bc I’m in extreme I MUST WRITE mood bc I feel very sick

I already have a playlist for Irza and I definitely don’t listen to it daily and write to it...

Here are your answers! Behold!

--

🦅: Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

What’s an outline???

No—in all seriousness I absolutely never outline. I attempted to outline for Night Light and it went nothing like what I planned for the very beginning of it but flowed sooooo well.

✍️: Do you have a beta reader?

Not really? Only dingbatnix bc I started proofreading theirs and decided to ask for some help with mine too! I don’t mind having more than one person read over it before I upload it though, since everyone catches something completely different...

🌞: Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

When I’m tired. That could be any time, but when I’m tired I hyperfixate on writing and easily spew out a few thousand words in about half an hour depending on how much I’m interrupted.

💖: What made you start writing?

I have absolutely no clue. I’ve been writing since kindergarten, although back then I drew a picture book and had my mom write the words for me and that never really went anywhere. I’ve also been told that, you know those tangents and stories toddlers will go on when telling a story with their toys? My brothers always ended after maybe a week, sometimes a little more, but I would carry on for MONTHS, and randomly bring it up like telling my mom “Oh! that gave me a great idea for “this and this” character!” Since I carried on forever tho my mom had no clue what I was even talking about bc she’d kinda tune me out. I once had a stuffed toy duck I insisted was a “rabies rabbit” just bc it fit my story, but I had toy rabbits....

📚: Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

If possible, ABSOLUTELY! I actually want to publish the book Voidshire if I can ever get around to finishing it! It would be my first published ones, altho not the first one to be finished.

—

I had fun answering this!

[sgt-seabass]

okay i cant talk about this with anybody else so forgove the word vomit im about to do

gosh i just want to say you really got me with 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌 𝒂𝒖!!! ive never rooted for a character so much and you got me believing omega was gonna be different but the way you described her downfall was just so good i didnt have any reason to object it and when she was just accepting it because of the pain and everything shes feeling i was also just accepting and and gosh you broke my heart in the best way i love you so much<3 and although i am happy for omega finding some acceptance and peace with what she has i just cant stop imagining the nightmares and the way deep inside omega is always gonna be scared and resentful of nick because of the life she couldve had with james 😫😭😔

+ and ohhmyy i just now that james would appear in her memory sometime and ohhh specially when she has kids!!!!!! can you imagine if she named the kid james lmaoooo the fucking angst yow like reader couldve forgot james because of stockholm syndrome but then when her pup was a boy immediately when she has him she just say james and look at nick with glimmering eyes because she didnt even mean it to spite him it just came naturally and nick would finally realize that even though he has her as his thats just it a simple possession not really love

+ another idea in my head that keeps replaying is omega having that genuine fear in her no matter how long or loving nick has become lets say he moved too fast? omega. will. flinch. he shouts at somebody else? omega. will. start. crying. he tried to discipline the kids? omega will fucking beg him not to hurt them!!!!! and ohhh the domino effect on that like imagine their children seeing their beloved sweet caring mom begging for their dad not to hurt them even if he hadnt and they will start looking at their dad strangely to disgustingly as they grow up because they start piecing things together 😭😭😭

really i just want nick to hurt lmao but anywhore idk what route you’re gonna go with this au but just so you know i am so here for it!!! break my heart and do whatever you want honey i love you so much<3

- a fan kdjdicnidncxksmx

oh my gosh what an ask to wake up to.

I’m blown away by your passion for the series. It really warms my heart and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. when times are tough, which they often are, it’s engagement like this that keeps me creating. thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed following puppy on her journey from independent, living her own life, to Nick’s omega.

your ideas into the AU are really wonderful, and I love hearing where your mind has gone with it. while I’ve mentioned in passing Nick and puppy having kids down the line, because they would, it’s not something I would personally write. I don’t write fics that have children as characters, just my personal thing. but, I agree that it would be an interesting dynamic for sure. It’s something Nick certainly isn’t interested in at the current point in the AU. there’s too much going on in his life, new omega, flourishing career, all that jazz.

plus, not having them for a number of years means that life with puppy will be domesticated at that point, and he might not actually run into many issues with her. he’s creating a life partner for himself, and his plan is to have her happy with him. he wants a happy omega on his terms. while her fear is fun, it’s a novelty that would wear off for Nick. in the end he wants a doting partner, which he is creating step by step with the support of his friends and colleagues.

there definitely is an innate fear when Nick raises his voice though. even in her most stockholmed state, hearing a prime alpha yell is something that would even have alphas shivering. Nick is the kind of alpha that exudes dominance, so he’s intimidating regardless of the history.

I fucking love you, thank you for this ask. it’s made my fucking year. I can’t wait to share more of the AU with you.

[jacobied]

hm.

jade lore lol cw abuse, suicide. this is so rambly and will make no sense probably

having a. quiet panic attack rn lol. been thinking about how isolated ive been for the past like...15 yrs. which is kind of insane to say lol i live in dt toronto and im online all the time

i dont think my parents used isolation as a tactic they like were not smart enough for tht lol ! it was just like a natural consequence w how much we fucking moved bc we were poor (like once every year and a couple times even in the middle of the school year)

the only people i saw consistently even through all the moves were my parents and their friends and their two daughters. i kiiind of grew up w them, we lived in like different parts of ontario and i only saw them like 3-4 times a year, but they stayed in the periphery of my life even through all of our moves. and then one of them outed me to my mom

ive never been good at keeping in touch w people not even w my own family. all my family except for my dad lives in china and they speak a language i barely know. my dads been abusive since i was in like grade school and even before the abuse got bad tm we barely ever talked to each other. i never see my mom but when i do shes also abusive ft their comically shitty divorce era. so isolation was always sucky reality but a safe one idk. i didnt have parents to support me but at least when they left me alone i didnt have to worry about getting hit or screamed at lol

all that just. built into a pattern of me fucking up any kind of social support/health i manage to build every couple of years. there were like a couple months in hs and college where i'd be completely nonverbal and like... complete shut down bc of how depressed and suicidal i was. i had no idea why it was happening and everyone thought i was mad at them but the idea of existing and taking up space froze me

i've deleted and remade my tumblr before, my instagram twice now bc it felt like i was killing myself. the longest standing sm i've had thats actually also gotten me to where i am in my career is twitter so ofc that seems to be the app swandiving into hell lollll

im like trying, working on better coping mechanisms and i think im doing better lately. but theres still this deep aching loneliness thats been building up frm over a decade tht im reckoning w bc the brain fog is lifting.

i straight up didnt know my mind could feel so clear if that makes sense? but im also just feeling the brunt of All Of This pretty head on now and its super overwhelming and idk. its like im so far behind in my life compared to everyone i know. also bonus Gender Thoughts and relationships thoughts and an ex who said she loved me and it just didnt feel real bc i didnt feel real

all this + just the constant worry of my industry and my career crashing down around me and how i literally have no back up plan lol. my back up plan for the longest time was to just die. i want to stop feeling like i have to kill parts of myself i want to live to be w my friends and i really want to pitch my ogn. im so excited about all that but it feels so abstract and far away

[daddypyne]

I am the same age as the boys.

I was graduating/starting college when I really became obsessed with them. I had big plans for my life and not being able to afford college in the city of my dreams was such a low point for me. It kinda started my whole spiral and deep depression. But I had One Direction. I had just joined Tumblr so of course they were everywhere and it was so easy to get hooked and I ate it all up. I loved having something else in my life to focus on when in real life I genuinely felt like I had nothing. I had barely any friends, I was losing a connection with everyone I loved. I was just a shell of a person but I had these five boys I quickly fell in love with.

Through Tumblr and my 1D obsession I ventured and made my first round of online friends. Many of the friends I made, im still actually friends with like fairly close to. I met my soulmate through this obsession. I met someone who just got me, who was in the same dark space and we both kinda stayed in that dark space together until we were ready to leave it.

We shared so much together and grew so much together and with every step of the way we had the boys with us. They didn’t know we existed but they were a part of this. We all grew up together. Together we did things we always talked about and never really knew we’d pull off. She’d visit me home in LA and visit Disney, did a 1D concert here. I’d visit in NY (which surprise is where I had meant to go to college) and even did a 1D concert in Jersey. I even moved to NY then we moved to FL together working for the mouse.

17/18 year old me would have never imagined all I’d do. 16 year old me who was scarily depressed and su*c*dal would have never guessed I lived long enough to make some dreams come true and to be happy.

Yeah at some point along the way Zayn left and 1D did break up but they were still there. Everything they had done for us and everything we had done because of them was still there.

But life went on and I met my future husband. I got pregnant. We stopped being roomies and my soulmate started living her life (which I’m so insanely proud of her ) and I lived mine. She’s got such a bad ass career and now I’m a wife mom of two.

For a while now I’ve mourned my old life. Not because I don’t like my own life now, I adore my new little family , but because that phase of my life, the one that started with 1D, was the first and maybe only time in my life I lived for me. I did what I wanted. I learned to be unafraid. I could be selfish and it was okay, there was no guilt. For a while now it’s been over cause I now have a three year old. I’ve been aware. But yesterday, hearing that someone I was genuinely in love with (and yes I know he turned out to not be great and I mourn that too) is gone, forever, really solidified how far gone that phase of my life is. It’s gone gone. A memory I will cherish forever but that’s all it is now.

Grief is weird and complex.

It doesn’t help that the day before marks the 16th anniversary of my best friend passing. Meaning his presence in death is older than he was when he passed. That’s been an insane roller coaster of emotion.

I’m struggling. I know I’ll likely book an appointment with my therapist and write a mini novel in my diary to cope.

But Tumblr used to be my diary, my safe space. I used to lay it all out when I was having a lot of feelings and i definitely always had a lot of feelings.

I can’t believe how fast time has gone. I can’t believe he’s gone because this wasn’t supposed to happen for years and years. I think maybe I always knew a celebrity death would one day numb me like this just maybe not now.

I’m thankful to have people who are allowing me to grieve and move through these complex feelings.

I think I have a lot of tears left because they’ve been on and off since yesterday.

I just can’t believe this is real life and this really happened.