#my mom never asks questions. and that's bc she trusts me. but it also hurts | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

syn0vial · 10 months ago

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Oh, the wise one of the wise ones!

First of all, I want to say, that I hope you're feeling better now (you wrote, that you are worring over earthsquakes in your recent post).

It's nice to see, that you too consider Zam a literall gem among sw characters! I have three questions for you, if you don't mind :) :

Is there any more about her daughter? Beyond her name (was it Sone?)? Is she changeling too?

That's a complex question - do you think she would be proud of adult Boba (in canon/legends, doesn't matter)? What would she think of him?

What were her "deeper feelings" about Jango? By that I mean who did she really consider him? A friend? Partner in crime? Is there any part with her Pov. about him?

PS: It's my first time sending an ask, hope you are honored!

hello hello! :D thank you for your kind words and fun questions about one of my fave star wars characters; i'll do my best to answer!

sadly, if there is any more existing information about sone wesell, i haven't found it. sone was actually "introduced" not as a fully-fledged character, but as a footnote in a source book for wizards of the coast's star wars roleplaying game. it seems likely to me that descriptions of her were intentionally vague so that GMs could more easily fit her into their campaigns if they chose to feature her as an NPC. that said, given that both zam and sone's father are said to be clawdites, it is likely that sone would have been born with at least the capacity to shapeshift!

i'll be honest: i've totally imagined the conversation that would happen between zam and a grown-up boba should they ever meet. (my favorite daydream scenario is that there's a malfunctioning inter-dimensional portal that intermittently spits out people/characters from various points in canon into a massive space-station-city where they all then have to reconfigure how they relate to each other and rebuild their lives, but uh, anyway.) personally, i think that if zam met any version of (legends) boba over the age of 18, she'd just be really sad for him. for one, she's known boba since he was just 5 years old or so, so i think there'd be some inevitable sadness in finding out how much he'd suffered after her death. there's also just the shock of seeing how much that suffering transformed him, how this sweet, funny kid who loved animals and bad jokes and novels about friends going on adventures became a man whose life is so devoid of joy, connection, or compassion that his kneejerk response to genuine kindness is hostility or aversion. zam might be a bounty hunter as well, but she never lost her sense of playfulness, expressiveness, or affection, so i think it would hurt her to see boba take that path. that said, if she met boba much later in the timeline (like, post-yuuzhan vong), i think she'd feel some hope and relief seeing him starting to try for connection again!

we do actually get some of zam's PoV as it regards jango in the novel the shapeshifter strikes! i think it's pretty clear that their relationship went beyond being simply partners-in-crime (jango trusted zam to basically babysit boba, for crying out loud) and they have flirty banter in virtually every piece of media they appear together in. boba himself refers to zam as jango's friend and even considers if she might be his mom at one point (though he ultimately comes to the conclusion that this is impossible bc he's read in books that moms don't shapeshift). zam herself definitely enjoys jango's company and especially flirting with and teasing him. that said, even she is occasionally shocked or disturbed by jango's more callous moments, such as when he's willing to let a terrorist group target millions of civilians on coruscant, or when he uses a cloned child's body to throw other bounty hunters off boba's scent. my personal reading of their relationship is that she genuinely really likes and is even attracted to jango, not least because of the risk he presents (she is a thrill-seeker after all), but that she ultimately trusts him not to do anything to really hurt her. and honestly, not unreasonably! we see from their dark horse comic series that even when they're working as rivals, they do try and look out for each other and keep the other from any serious harm. so, in that sense, she misjudged him; she thought that being his friend and having this history with him would save her from being expendable in his eyes. in the shapeshifter strikes, zam even asks jango if he'd ever really kill her and when he answers quite honestly, "only if i had to," she laughs it off with a quip ("you say the sweetest things!"). so, in sum, i'd describe zam's "deeper feelings" for jango being genuine friendship, affection, and even attraction, along with an unfortunate overestimation of just how indispensable she was as his only friend. which isn't to say that she wasn't truly his friend—we get multiple indications that jango did genuinely care about her—but ultimately, that wouldn't prevent him from sacrificing her once he deemed it necessary.

#thank you for the ask! i am honored to be your first recipient <3 #zam wesell #jango fett #asks

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trickstarbrave · 6 months ago

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I feel like other adopted kids and foster kids constantly long for their bio families whenever I see them talking abt their struggles online. And I guess maybe it’s bc I wasn’t directly adopted but became a ward of the state but was basically always raised by my grandparents (who I am not biologically related to, my mom is adopted)

Past a certain age I never really missed my dad. I am completely over it. I used to get sad but I think I mostly wanted a father to feel normal and have all those “father daughter bonding moments” described by other ppl. I have my grandpa who I often call dad bc he’s the only father figure I’ve had, and I think that’s more than enough. I guess I also missed my dad himself but I’ve forgotten most of the memories ZTFXVXGJBJB

My mom talking abt getting in touch w her bio parents and I do not know how to tell her I don’t rly WANT to meet them bc they’re strangers. I have never at once felt like my grandparents weren’t my real family. My uncle is like my older brother, and tbh my grandparents have been more my parents than my mom ever rly was (not entirely her fault she is deeply mentally unwell and had substance abuse problems, but fails to recognize that was why she lost custody of me and was never really a full parental figure). My mom has even said I’m “the kid they actually wanted to adopt” instead of her and yeah that was. Weird to hear. But I guess that cements we simultaneously have a sibling body and mother and child bond with the sibling one being being strong since she views me as the spoiled youngest sibling. I don’t think I’m necessarily spoiled for that reason I think it was more so bc my mom had serious psychological issues that were effecting me and I nearly died multiple times as a baby and continued to be sick the rest of my life. Then again my mom was also disabled as a baby. I don’t know if I can trust her judgement that she was not spoiled considering her parents have bailed her out hundreds of times and made excuses for her to my uncle and I. So

Anyways that was a tangent this family is my real family. I don’t wanna blend with my dad’s and not just bc his mom is crazy and I don’t wanna meet my mom’s bio family but I guess I will if she really wants me to. Doesn’t mean I need to have a relationship w them. But I don’t really have any desire to. Maybe that’s also the autism or mental illness for me idk

I’m really afraid to like, say it around other ppl who grew up not w their bio family bc idk I’m afraid I’ll get accused as ungrateful or trying to trample on their feelings. Or that I am actually a freak and no one else feels like how I do bc my situation is so weird and convoluted or that I don’t “count” and “wouldn’t get it” bc my bio mom WAS still technically around

On a side note oh my GOD I just realized in grade school when they asked me to meet a woman in the office and she asked me a bunch of questions abt my problems at home that was a social worker. I was being interviewed by a social worker. I think I was actually being interviewed bc I missed a lot of school, came to school w random bruises and scrapes, was underweight, and didn’t react much when getting hurt. None of those were from abuse or neglect tho I was just chronically ill so I missed school and had trouble putting on weight, have a weirdly high pain tolerance, and had poor spacial awareness so I often bumped into things or fell down (I think i still do actually). I literally had no clue until now when I remembered that while writing this post VHCGUVFCHVVHVHBJ HELP

#abuse mentioned #adoption mentioned #foster care mentioned #please not this isn’t like super negative or a hardcore vent I’m kinda just rambling

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star-ocean-peahen · 2 years ago

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fuck. my family is so messed up.

(i just need to get this off my chest)

(also idk even what to add as trigger warnings so like. parents being scary bc of their behavior??)

so my mom doesn't believe that my younger sibling is telling the truth about some wrongdoing because they have lied to her about similar things many times in the past and because she was sitting in a place where she would have seen them if they did what they said they did.

my dad believes that my sibling did not do the thing and is very upset with her for not trusting him. he was saying to my sibling with contempt that my mother is afraid of raising a teenager and implying heavily that she is being controlling and unfairly mistrustful towards them because of her fear. i really didnt like hearing this because my sibling already has a fractured relationship with our mom and being a young teenager, refuses to believe that she has his best interests in mind. and my dad says things like that to them a lot, where he expresses his upset opinions on what she does to him and their kids. it communicates that he thinks she shuts down everyone that disagrees with her mistreating her kid or husband and that she is a selfish, cruel person who cannot be trusted.

i don't think this is true at all. my mom and i are very close and she shares a lot with me. she has depression and various physical problems, which means she makes some mistakes. but guess fucking what she tries to understand when we're hurt and apologizes when she fucks up, and my dad never fucking does that. haha.

anyway my dad doesn't actually believe those things about my mom; they're both committed to working on their marriage and taking care of our family. he just doesn't have a filter when he's upset and doesn't understand sometimes what's appropriate to say to a kid.

so he said that to my sibling and then in the other room i spoke to him and asked him why he said that etc. he said he wants my sibling to understand where she's coming from (being a coward.) i said that expressing that was just going to damage their relationship because now they know that their dad doesn't trust their mom to treat them right. he said that she "dumped and vomited" (referring to emotional confiding) on him and he knows that she accuses them of things they don't do. so he was basically calling her a coward that hurts her family (which is not his real opinion of her because all the rest of his actions say otherwise). even though we were arguing, we weren't angry at each other, which is like the third time that's happened in my life.

in the end, i just started feeling really stupid and like i fucked up in saying anything at all and like i needed to apologize for questioning his parenting and questioning his perception of my mom and like i really was just her patsy ganging up with her against them. i always always always feel like im wrong at the end of an argument with him and even though i've grown and am willing to admit i'm wrong, i really didn't want to because he's NEVER going to tell me that he's wrong.

and there we go haha he never tells me that i'm right or that i did good. he's never fucking done that and hello self-doubt that's where you came from. hahaha i guess this is why i couldn't believe that i could ever be right about anything important as a middle schooler. and like. that's bad? that's a bad dad thing to do. that's a mistake on his part, not mine.

when the argument ended i just left to another room and cried like i always do after we argue. what am i supposed to do. our family is fucked up and im pretty sure that when my dad says that kind of thing to my sibling he's damaging their relationship with my mom and not helping the kid grow or building their self esteem. he's just teaching them that mom is unreliable. like yes it's important that kids know they can be right and the parent can be wrong but you don't teach that by basically telling the kid that their parent's a horrible person. you teach that by showing the kid that the parents are fallible and make mistakes and hurt you sometimes but it's their job to apologize and do better. and it's pretty rich coming from him because again, she apologizes to us and he doesn't. not even when he yells at us and it's so scary we end up crying. or when he says inappropriate things that are really scary when he's upset. or for calling my fatigue and exhaustion a "bitchy attitude". for a lot of those things he realized they were wrong and didn't do them again but he never apologized!! not because he didn't want to but because it literally just didn't occur to him!!

and it hurts so fucking much that im never going to get that from him. he loves me so much but he can't do this for me. i will always be the only one apologizing even if we both acknowledge we're wrong. fuck.

it feels so much like i have to take sides when he thinks of my mom this way. like i jump in to defend her but then im jumping in to defend her and that's incendiary and escalates the conflict. but i can't just let him tell my sibling all these awful, false things just because he's upset and not aware of how bad they are. and i can't tell all this to my mom because she should hear his thoughts from him, not me, in the same way my sibling should hear our mom's perspective from her and not him. i don't know what to fucking do and i hate myself so much right now for challenging him and believing the best of my mom.

im so fucking tired. my dad isn't doing any of these things out of malice he's just genuinely so upset and wrapped up in his own head that he doesn't realize what he's doing is hurtful. we've been building up more trust over the past few years as we've had more positive experience together but this just broke it all again. fuck.

and this isn't immediately relevant but i want to rant about all the inappropriate stuff he says if he's mad:

he's compared our outbursts or lashing out to vomiting and other visceral, disgusting, unwelcome intrusions.

he said very loudly in the middle of a restaurant with our friends at the same table (in the middle of a dispute with me) that if he had a gun to his head then he would do what my mom wanted.

when i was fifteen he told me that if there were ever gunmen holding me and my mom hostage and they told him to choose one of us to live that he would choose neither and let us both die because then he wouldn't have chosen to let one specific person die because that would be equivalent to murder. i was fucking fifteen and he told me he would rather have both me and my mother dead than feel like he committed a murder.

when i was a kid and fucked around with a steak knife he took it brandished it in my face and threatened to slice me with it if i was careless again. ever since i've compulsively glued my eyes to his hands when he's using a kitchen knife and i didn't even realize why until a few weeks ago. i also flinch every time he holds a knife and moves in my direction.

he swears. called my mom a bitch once. told me i was spewing shit and garbage.

this barely counts but he told me as a side note on multiple different occasions while discussing the bible verse that refers to soiled rags that it means rags soaked with period blood. like dad i don't need you to tell me that period blood is really gross i know already.

now for almost every single one of these things he either did them once and never again or has stopped doing them. that's why im not more concerned. but it still. it still hurts.

haha i just remembered that the one and only nightmare that make me wake up crying involved him yelling. im. im not really helping my case here.

fuck we're so messed up.

#yayyyyy dysfunctional families.#what do i even tag as trigger warnings ay yi yi #im a fucking messsssss right now #thank fuck i have a therapy appointment on tuesday #lassie vents #vent #personal

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weirdwildwonderland · 1 year ago

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Gonna write this like an AP LIT essay bc lila is that important tbh

youtube

Lila Pitts is a character in the show “The Umbrella Academy”. The song “the moon will sing” by The Crane Wives serves as an important and beautiful look into her character and her backstory.

The song begins with the lines “Tell me once again/I could have been anyone, anyone else/Before you made the choice for me/My feet knew the path/We walked in the dark, in the dark/I never gave a single thought to where it might lead”. These lyrics communicate the essence of her tragic backstory with the Handler. She “could have been anyone else”, but Five killed her parents and she was thrust into the life of a child soldier and assassin, much like the Hargreeves children. Additionally, the handler “made that choice for (her)” by executing the kill order and changing Lila’s life forever. Furthermore, she never questioned the handler because she saw her as a mother figure, and never “gave a single thought to where [the handler’s intentions] might lead”. This section of lyrics is a testament to the handler’s sinister manipulation tactics. Lila was so used to those tactics that her feet “knew the path” and never questioned it.

The song continues with the lyrics “All those empty rooms/We could have been anywhere, anywhere else/Instead I made a bed with apathy/My heart knew the weight/Ten years worth of dust and neglect/We made our peace with weariness and let it be”. Lila is used to living her life in “empty rooms”-wondering about her parents, leaving rooms empty because she has just murdered their inhabitants, traveling through time and never feeling like she belongs, and feeling the emptiness from the handler’s betrayal. She copes with this through “apathy”, or at least the facade of it. Getting betrayed so often is devastating and emotionally exhausting, and so are the trust issues that come from it. This makes vulnerability nearly impossible. Putting up a facade of apathy as a way to deal with the inevitable letdown makes it hurt less. It makes the sting from the “ten years of dust and neglect” that the handler put her through a little more bearable. This apathy also serves to create a bandaid for Lila’s larger self-esteem issues. She repeatedly tells Diego in season 3 that she “won’t make a good mom” and even tells him that “you should run from me” and that “a person who’s never had a family is in no position to ask for one”. The apathy that she has “made a bed with” has convinced her that she is truly a bad person who doesn’t deserve good things like family or love. She “makes peace with this weariness and lets it be”, and has accepted the apathy and the trust issues. This keeps her in the rut of thinking that she is a bad person that will never change.

The next stanza in the song states “I loved you like the sun/Bore the shadows that you made/With no light of my own/I shine only with the light you gave me/I shine only with the light you gave me”. These lyrics serve to showcase the relationship between Lila and the Handler in greater detail. She “loves (the handler) like the sun” and simultaneously “bore the shadows that (the handler) made”. The handler is cruel, manipulative, and self-serving. Moreover, her mannerisms in season 2 suggest that she still thinks of Lila (who is 30) as a child who cannot think for herself (an essay for another time). When she has Lila’s parents killed, she forcefully places herself in the center of Lila’s galaxy of interactions, much like the sun in our Milky Way. She is the one who protects and counsels Lila. Lila should surely be grateful for that, shouldn’t she? But Lila also “bores the shadows that (the handler) made/with no light of my own”. She has so many trust issues and puts up facades because of the handler’s previous treatment of her, and bears the brunt of the handler’s complaints and temper tantrums. She’s never been in love or been allowed to live life as a normal person. Furthermore, since she’s been the handler’s daughter since the age of 4, she has no “light, or other experiences that she can use to question the handler’s tactics. She only “shines” with her powers and her skills as an assassin because the handler found her in London all those years ago.

The final important stanza of the song states “We could have had anything, anything else/Instead you hoarded all that's left of me/Swallowing your doubt/Like swords to the pit of my belly/I want to feel the fire that you kept from me”. Lila could have had a perfect, loving, normal, life, but the handler took it all away from her and transformed her into a child soldier and assassin with loads of trust issues. She was only 4 when the handler took her and her flourishing personality and potential and ��hoarded all that was left of (her)”. On the surface, Lila may be under the impression that the handler cares for her in season 2, but she continuously “swallows her doubt” and listens to the handler nonetheless. The handler doesn’t value her as a person and also constantly puts her down in backhanded ways, but Lila still “swallows” it anyway. Finally, at the beginning of season 3, Lila wants to “feel the fire that (the handler) kept from (her)”. She was deprived of so many normal experiences that she wants to feel them all now. She joins a band and dyes her hair bleach blonde. Not only does she become a more vulnerable person, her personal style also changes. Freedom from the handler marks a point of pivotal personal growth for her.

Lila Pitts is one of my favorite characters in the Umbrella Academy. This essay was really fun to write and this is definitely HER song. She’s very special to me and I hope you enjoyed this essay.

@nosolaceofastraightanswer @someominousecho

everyone shut the fuck up right now. the moon will sing by the crane wives was written for lila pitts okay. let’s all think about her forever. also wolf imagery? HHFGFHFGFGGH

does anyone want me to write an essay about this (frothing at the mouth)

i had to do lila. oh my fucjing god.

@someominousecho I TAGGED YOU CUS YOU SAID WANTED TO SEE MY ART LIKE THREE WEEKS AGO. also it’s purple just like ur pfp :DDD

#tua #the umbrella academy #lila pitts #diegolila #tv:tua #tua meta #tua analysis #hope you enjoy i wrote this so fast #it was so fun to write too!!!#Youtube

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liannelara-dracula · 3 years ago

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GIRL I JUST GOT AND IDEA . HC . What if the triplets werent Cordelia's son, I mean they found out that for Karlheinz plans , their mother ( who was gentle and loved them) was locked up in a tower because she was useless for him and then he gave them to Cordelia and now on . Would they save her? How would they behave with her treating them with love? Im really curious about how these three sadistic fuckers would react to a real good parental figure( knowing how broken they are and it would take centuries to , at least, turn then "normal")

Hi Love,

omg what a wonderful idea, sorry I took so long to answer. I made these hcs more general regarding the three of them. I hope you like it tho. Let me know if you have more questions. These are the asks I love the most tbh. You really blew my mind with this question love. Anyways let me show you what I have here.

-Liannelara

———————

Prompt

Requests are open

Rules

———————

Omg girl that is a cool idea actually. Very interesting tbh.

Okay, I picture that when they found this out they were hella shocked.

But honestly angry too and also generally curious tbh.

Like if they if hated their father a little, now they really hate him.

I think Ayato was mostly shocked and angry, as was Laito but I see him being curious at the same time.

Kanato on the other hand is probably only curious since he doesn’t exactly have any sanity left tbh.

So they’d probably want to figure out what was going on and how this all happened.

They probably asked for their brothers to pitch in with their knowledge too bc why not.

Plus I could also see that they would help even if they act like they don’t care.

I think they would want to save her, especially if they found out she was a good person.

I could also see them wondering if its really worth it too.

But I really see that with some thinking they bothered to look for her.

She is probably in the demon world so they spent months looking for tbh because her whereabouts were unknown to everyone.

I wouldn’t be surprised if their mother was from a noble vampire family but she didn’t have any useful power so that’s why Karlheinz locked her up.

Or really had her be banned to see her children, all for his social experiment.

And the names they have are not their real names obviously but even their actual names that are probably Romanian, wouldn’t be their birth names that she gave them.

I see that Karlheinz changed everything just for there not to be suspicion.

But somehow they still managed to find out bc of some loop he forgot to tie.

So apart from meeting her and confronting her they wouldn’t know how to deal with her love.

For instance, I see that this would all move them in different ways.

Like Kanato, it could pull at his heartstrings and possibly make him tear up but then the next minute he thinks she’s just manipulating him; causing him to lash out.

This would only hurt her seeing one of her children is no longer sane and that his very own father lead him up to this.

As for Ayato, he feels moved by what she says but he’s mostly shocked and may get angry sometimes from how she speaks lovely to him.

He does want to get to know her but he isn’t going to just let her in bc again everyone (who has been through stuff) builds a wall when they get older.

Especially once we’ve gone cold with emotion, we don’t accept everyone so easily.

So he is willing to listen but when his arrogant strike runs through she might point it out.

Kinda like, “Is this what he taught you? My child, arrogance isn’t something to be proud of even if you are of royal blood. You must be humble and kind to appeal to the hearts of many.”

Overall like any normal mother, she lectures out of the goodness of her heart because she hates to see him this way.

Laito on the other hand is really stubborn, as much as he loves the fact that Cordelia isn’t his mother and she was just some random woman that abused him and it wasn’t his own blood that did it, he still isn’t going to let things go.

He feels a little relieved and deep down carries a sense of hope that she may be in fact a good person.

Although, because he is so hurt he wouldn’t admit that and he would be stubborn to change.

He probably wouldn’t take in what she has to say for the longest time bc he hates all women and doesn’t think any of them are good or sincere.

So it would take him forever to believe his mother and see that not all women are monsters.

I can see that his mother was abused and that she was able to level with him bc I think in time when they visited her she began to understand where all her sons were coming from.

And think she put two and two together and found out a bit of Laito’s past a reached out to him.

This is something she probably said that made him change: “I was young too once and I understand what you feel from the tragedy you hold close to you till this day. What was done to you and I, my son, was unjust. I was never given the choice to raise you or any of your brothers, so therefore I couldn’t save you, nor give you my undying love as a mother should. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I hope you understand.”

He’d be the hardest to reach out to and accept his mother’s love.

Like Ayato and Kanato would be convinced quite quickly and they would grow to love their mom.

Meanwhile, Laito would still have mixed feelings and if he should trust/except her.

I think through enough break through tho he would realize what love is through seeing how his mother cares for him even if she doesn’t know him. And plus she is willing to get to know him and love him.

Like she isn’t like everyone else and she is probably the only woman that could restore them back to their senses.

Of course this would take years but they would grow to be fond of her in due time.

Though I do see that she’d have be persistent and fight tooth and nail to prove to them her loyalty and love for them.

Will take maybe a century or almost a century for Laito to be convinced.

Ayato and Kanato would take maybe decades too because vampires have stronger feelings, because heightened senses so I do believe that they may not trust as fast.

So in general if she is persistent enough they will grow to love their mother.

If she gives up on them then there chance of hope to restore them is never.

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˗ˏˋ 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝐼 𝑑𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠 ˎˊ˗

#diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers hcs #diabolik lovers headcanons #diabolik lovers laito #diabolik lovers kanato #diabolik lovers ayato #diabolik lovers triplets #diabolik lovers analysis #laito sakamaki #kanato sakamaki #ayato sakamaki

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kpostedsum · 4 years ago

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daddy issues; D.M

summary: you and draco bond over issues in 6th year

word count: 2.4k

warnings: err angst, comfort, illusions to sex

song: daddy issues (the remix) - the neighbourhood

a/n: i tried not to make it stereotypical bc i didn’t wanna make it seem all “i like older men lol”, probably my fav fic i’ve written, also arent these anime gifs so cute

masterlist | taglist

Take you like a drug

I taste you on my tongue

Tongues battling for dominance, bodies rubbing against each other searching for a feeling. It’s become routine now, a different person in your dorm swallowing a new pill, entangling limbs with someone just to feel something.

You ask me what I'm thinking about

I tell you that I'm thinking about

Whatever you're thinking about

Tell me something that I'll forget

And you might have to tell me again

It's crazy what you'll do for a friend

It was a constant cycle, putting yourself out there seeking the male attention you crave, seeking validation, constant reassurance and trusting too easily. That’s how you ended up with a different guy who always in the end leaves. You trusted too easily and people took advantage of how trusting and naive you are just for a quick shag.

You wished it wasn’t like this but that’s all you knew, wanting to be the best version of yourself for someone just to feel needed, no matter if the person was good or bad for you. You didn’t care, you wanted love from anyone you could get it from even if it just hurt you more.

You’re familiar with the absence, something stable made you feel a bit wary. It wasn’t something you were used to. Your father wasn’t the most present in your life, and even though he's there, he's never really there.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

You always wondered where you went wrong, he preferred your siblings over you and doesn't pay you a piece of his mind. Constantly going out of your way to get his attention whether it was academically or acting a certain way just to get some sort of reaction. But he was too preoccupied with his other children, even if they were from your mom or his affairs.

That’s how you found yourself right now sitting in the astronomy tower past curfew watching the rain fall, trying to clear your head while humming softly to yourself to keep yourself distracted.

You hear distant chattering from below and quickly get up from where you were sitting and make your way to your dorm unnoticed by anyone.

Except one person, Draco Malfoy.

I tried to write your name in the rain

But the rain never came

So I made with the sun

The shade

Always comes at the worst time

He’s seen you before, you’re known around Hogwarts for how you put yourself out there and how ‘desperate’ you are for some affection. He almost feels bad for you, but he’s in no place to judge. With his dad in Azkaban Draco had so much more to worry about, like his task and how he can succeed. But there was something about you that intrigued him that he couldn't ignore.

He saw you again in transfiguration the next day and noticed a few hickeys littering your neck that you had tried to cover but it didn’t work. He wondered why you gave yourself up to so many people, but once again he was in no place to judge. He noticed the way your tongue would stick out when you focused extra hard, the way your hands would tighten around your quill when you got a question wrong and your face.

The same face that many boys including the older years would fawn over, the face that entranced and attracted many, the face of someone who would do anything for someone for some affection and the face of someone who seeked out all the wrong things.

You ask me what I'm thinking about

I tell you that I'm thinking about

Whatever you're thinking about

Tell me something that I'll forget

And you might have to tell me again

It's crazy what you'll do for a friend

You walk out of transfiguration on your way to the owlery to send a letter to your parents and feel eyes watching you everywhere. You like it, the attention, it’s something that you thrived in, but you couldn’t help but feel a new set of eyes on you.

Once you reached the owlery you realized you weren't the only one there, Draco Malfoy was also there sending a letter to who you assumed was his mother.

“y/n, right?” he asked, trying to spark a conversation.

“Yea, listen i’m sorry about what happened with your father i know you really looked up--”

“Dont worry about it, he wasn’t as good an influence as I made him out to be,” he sighed, looking away.

“My dad isn’t the best either if i’m being honest, i guess we’re in the same boat” you let out a light chuckle.

And that’s how you found yourself hanging out with draco malfoy bonding over your shared issues.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues

It’s been weeks since you two started hanging out since the interaction in the owlery and have been getting closer ever since. You both sat down together in the astronomy tower, backed against the wall as the cool wind blew against your faces. The aura between you two was calm, a comfortable silence.

“So tell me about your dad, how is it with him in Azkaban?” you asked, tilting your head towards him.

“Mother’s not taking it well” he frowned. “I can’t even say potter’s wrong for getting him locked up because he deserves it. All my life he praised the dark lord and taught me to be selfish and always defend my blood, but he was never there for me when I needed him. I would have done everything just to hear ‘i’m proud of you’ but it never came. It’s worse now because mother’s all alone. I wish I could have stayed with her” he sighed looking out the tower watching the stars twinkle.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been much quieter this year as well, you stopped making fun of people. It’s not that nice on the receiving end huh?” you said with a teasing look on your face.

He shook his head at you scooting closer to you, it’s like the demeanor between you two have changed over the past few weeks. You found yourself pining over him rather than being in someone's bed. But this is how the cycle always goes, you get attached and they leave, you couldn’t help but hope this wasn’t the situation this time.

“Tell me about your father”

Daddy stuck around but he wasn't present

Cheated on your mom but she never left him

First I didn't get it, now I understand

He broke her heart, left money in her hand

So everything got paid for

She made sure you and your brother had way more

Than she ever had growing up

And when you told me the whole story I felt like throwing up

“ I don't know if i’d even call him my father at this point, he doesn't want me.” you sighed. “He's been cheating on my mum for years now and she still won't leave him because she thinks they can work it out. He’s had affairs with different pureblood women and has children with them. But what hurts the most is how he treats them as his own children and treats me as if I don't exist” you said, looking down as tears pooled your eyes.

Draco moved closer to you and brought his arm around your shoulders for a sense of comfort and waited for you to catch your breath so you can continue.

“I just want him to love me” you cried. “I go out my way to try and get his attention with my school work but it never works. That's why I get along with so many guys. I seek the validation, the comfort and the reassurance that I can get from him from others and I am so tired of it. I just want him to want me draco.” tears slipping out your eyes as you looked up at him, you’ve never confessed this to anyone before.

“Everyone always leaves, please don't leave me” you cried

“I’m not going anywhere” he turned his face towards you, leaning forward cautiously as if you were made of glass.

You leaned forward, wanting the exact same thing. Both very hesitant he gently pressed his soft lips against yours and they moved together in sequence, only taking a break to go back to his dorm and to breathe, limbs tangled together for the rest of the night until the sun rose.

I can see it on your face it was rough left a bad taste on your tongue

And she didn't even take any drug

She would rain all day

Couldn't wait for her son to shine

And you made it shine

There when she cried, you saved her life

It's been a week since that night in the astronomy tower and draco had already been avoiding you. It’s humiliating, but you should have known. You thought the ‘bond’ you had with him would last, it felt so genuine this time. So real.

You’d see him around the halls snogging pansy on your way back to the ravenclaw tower, lowering your head down so he wouldn’t be able to see you so you could get by quickly and unnoticed.

But he saw you.

He stared you right down in your teary eyes as he made out with pansy. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of betrayal, for someone who promised he wouldn’t leave you like everyone else, he did the exact same.

You did the only thing you knew of, you ran.

I keep on trying to let you go

I'm dying to let you know

How I'm getting on

I didn't cry when you left at first

But now that you're dead it hurts

This time I gotta know

Where did my daddy go?

I'm not entirely here

Half of me has disappeared

Draco followed you to the girls lavatory, hearing your shallow cries coming from one of the stalls. He approached the stall you were in trying not to make too much noise so he doesn't startle you.

He felt awful.

He promised he would never leave you, after you both poured your hearts out to each other but he still left. He had too, he was putting you in danger just by being with him. If Voldemort ever found out about you and hurt you he wouldn't be able to live with himself, that's why he took it upon himself to hurt you first.

“y/n are you in here?” he called out even though he knew the answer.

You recognized that familiar voice anywhere. “What do you want draco?” you said, trying to make it seem as if you weren’t just crying.

“I want to talk to you, please”

“No,” you said getting up and pushing yourself out of the stall. “You don't get to just throw me away after I told you everything and just come back into my life like nothing ever happened. Just go away, that's all you guys are good for” you spat.

“Just listen to me, it was to keep you safe. I didn;t want to but i couldn't bear seeing you hurt” he tried to explain.

“Safe?” you laughed. “ and what exactly do i need saving from, malfoy.”

“From me” he said as he pulled up his sleeve revealing his dark mark to you. Your body instantly tensed, you knew he was having problems and his family was involved with the dark lord but you never knew it was like this.

“Draco i-” you tried to say something but the words were stuck in your throat. He stood there looking at you desperately like he was waiting for you to tell him everything was okay, you wanted to be there for him but you didn’t know what to do. You trusted him with everything but he couldn't trust you with this? You thought the bond you had made would have made him trust you in the slightest, but clearly it's always you who’s more trusting.

“Why didn't you tell me?” you managed to say, your voice hoarse.

“I thought you’d leave me, you were the only good thing i had. Please don't leave me” he begged, salty tears escaping his eyes and running down his cheeks as he looked at you with desperation.

“So you thought pushing me away by snogging pansy was better?” you yelled, as he continued to look at you slightly taken aback by your lashing out.

“You know what, go ahead and cry little boy. You know that your daddy did too, you know what your mama went through. You gotta let it out soon, just let it out” you taunted walking closer to him looking straight into his teary eyes.

“This time I'll be the one that leaves.” and with that you were gone.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

It’s been months since that night in the girls lavatory, and you missed him. You wanted to visit him in the hospital wing once you heard what happened with Harry Potter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. He left you, and you were tired of always going back to people who just hurt you.

Now here you were at the battle of Hogwarts, standing with everyone while Voldemort and his death eaters stood across from you all.

“Draco, draco come here” you heard narcissa call from across the scene. He looked hesitant, as if he was waiting for someone to stop him but no one did. So he started walking over to his parents.

But you grabbed his hand.

“Stay please” you whispered looking up into his eyes.

He looked back at his parents and back at you like he was contemplating his answer.

“I’ll stay”

If you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

—————-

tagging fun ppl nd ppl who interacted (so srry if u don’t wanna be tagged)

@hellohellook @astoria-malfcy @justfangirlthingies @sfdlm @falling-loki @notvasi @gwlvr @malfoytookmyheart

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howuart · 3 years ago

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HELLO so. for the dystopian au...

what are the mc's ages? your obviously still figuring out the timeline so it might be hard to say, but do you have any ideas?

and, bc i legally have to ask this one, where are the ninja and co? r they under the control of the overlords army or like. vigilantes? feel like you could do a lot with them here fr

ik the venom is infecting him but PLEASE tell me garma would never hurt his kids please my heart will break <3

what happened to rumis biological parents? did they still die in the g.d attack but at a different time bc. idk timeline shenanigans?

how are our kids gonna react whenever they learn about the gn prophecy? is morro still gonna go villain on us?

and, the two most important questions to ME, does morro see wu as a father figure, and do lloyd and rumi see Morro as an older brother/cousin figure??

srry for the question spam i just really like this concept <3<3<3

never apologize for question spams I love getting them!!

alright let's start

Morro's older than the green sibs and the green sibs are teens for exact ages I haven't figured that out yet.

so Ninja are around but none know each other (except nya and kai obviously) and they lead factions as they try to not die to Garmadon, he as usual doesn't care for them and just wants them out of the picture. None of them were taught how to use their elemental powers to they're all very destructive when they do, they've all learned of them but none know how to control them that well.

All the previous elemental masters were hunted down and killed. Rip them. so none of them know their parents/ have mentors. Jay has a very hazy memory of his parents leaving him with his grandparents (which he just calls ma and pa (ed and edna)) Kai remember's their faces but not much else, nya like Jay has a very hazy version that gets blended with Kai a lot, Cole remembers his mom (he has his dad...for now) and his dad tells him about her when he can, Zane doesn't remember his Dad as per usual.

So back to the factions they don't get along with each other, all preferring different things and not trusting each other. They may be young (young adults maybe) but they lead and make all the big decisions, keep rations and other stuff like that. There are other fractions too like Chen probably has one and other random people plus other's I'm probably just forgetting about right now.

so the ninja since they run into each other a lot, have bands that tell each person whose faction they're from ya know red, black, blue, and white. Nya's are with Kai, the two lead together.

Yes they're trying to defeat Garmadon but not heavily, like the ninja have never known a time without him, so while they want him gone they don't really know if that's possible. or I"ve just not given them enough thought yet. feel free to give any suggestions you have!

Garm would never it was a mix of Anger (things not going his way) the venom and the overlord that caused him to hurt lloyd, and like the split second after it happened garm was back in his senses and wanted desperately to help his son but Lloyd had ran off already.

so the g.d hasn't been released yet, none of the serpentine have, that'll change soon though, but yeah it hasn't been released yet, her parents are dead, they died in one of garm's attacks as he tried to kill the rebels. Or just people that get on his nerves.

And then he saw a child, a little girl all on her own, so Garm (cause he's still a softy) took her in, her being young just kinda went with it she didn't realize that Garm cause her parents to die, till later, she's not sure how she feels on this, while she loves and cares for garm he also killed her parents, so she has mixed feelings. but she also just likes to blame the venom for her parents deaths.

ok ok so when they learn if they lean before they cure him, they're not gonna like it, but no Morro wont go villain, why would he? he's never been told he was going to be the legendary green ninja so he's just like "Wait you mean to tell me that he has to fight his Dad?" he's as appalled as lloyd is to it, Lloyd very much just refuses to be the green ninja. Harumi's just worried why would lloyd have to kill their dad? He'd never their dad was nice!

Yes Morro's mostly refers to Wu as Dad sensei or master why talking about how he trained him and stuff like that. but mostly he just calls him Dad. And Yes Lloyd and harumi see Morro as their cool older cousin/brother, but hate it when he tells them stuff like "don't kill them!" or "no you are not allowed to maim them!" afhlksj Morro's the only one of the three to have morals and he's trying to teach the other two.

Hope that answered all the questions feel free to ask more if you'd like to

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ootahime · 4 years ago

Text

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission. the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight. mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward. utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically. notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help. if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued. however, she didn’t. she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer. she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful. we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in. she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward. this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79. she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up. she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination. she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious. in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass? i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question. is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it? well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all. in my opinion, he’s just teasing her. he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up. maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post. but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak. he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is. gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power. in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet. he’s probably only ever heard of how it works. this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm? ur cursed technique is singing? can u show me?

utahime: what! no way!

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha! u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT? why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i! am! your! senpai! respect! me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people. we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.” i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger. remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident? gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too. even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away. this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things. i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime. they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two. gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others. him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least. this is just pure skill. she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta. he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her. how do we know her CT isn’t speed? after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off. if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty. she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t. of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others. let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either. you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami. i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet. is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami? i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown. let me explain in depth. todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash? that was mentioned first, after all. gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.” i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine. i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo. with nanami and takuma it makes sense. nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo? what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else? i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think? this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question. i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little. i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

#gojohime #gouta #gojo x utahime

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robbyswayzekeenes · 4 years ago

Text

fuck up our friendship━ eli moskowitz imagine

eli moskowitz x fem!reader

set after the party in 2x09, pretty wholesome with admitting feelings but also angst bc the reader is tryna be friends with both eli and demetri and it is NOT going well

Once the police busted the party, Y/N knew she had to find Eli. The girl was a Miyagi-Do student, and she knew full well that Sam and Robby would not appreciate her going to find her oldest friend and Cobra Kai’s number one asshole, but the pair were having their own issues, so it was unlikely they would find out. Y/N and Eli had been friends since the girl moved to the Valley at the start of freshman year. She wasn’t exactly a loser as someone like Yasmine or Kyler would word it, and many people never understood why she signed away her high school popularity to be friends with the two biggest dorks in school-- Demetri and Eli-- but she wouldn’t have wanted anybody else. Demetri and Eli had been best friends since kindergarten, and the h/c slotted into the group perfectly. They may have had it pretty bad at school, but they had each other.

Then, two years later, at the start of their junior year, karate came back to the Valley. Whilst Y/N and Demetri had always been seemingly content with living their lives as losers, apparently Eli didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t the mohawk or the new name they particularly had a problem with, or his newfound popularity that bothered them. It was the way he went about getting it. Hawk was becoming the very person he had always hated. Both of his best friends knew this wasn’t the person he really was, but when Demetri had addressed this, Eli declared an all out war against him. So now Y/N was left as the middle-man, trying to care for both of her best friends and bring them back together without choosing a side. And neither of them made it easy.

Tonight, at Moon’s party, Y/N had been so hopeful. The two sat talking about Doctor Who whilst the girl stood beside Robby and Sam, sipping her drink and pretending she wasn’t listening in to what Demetri and Eli were talking about. She allowed herself to get distracted for one moment to talk with Robby about skateboarding and suddenly, Eli was pouring his drink all over Demetri’s head. With a shameful sigh, Y/N walked over to the two, handing paper towels to the dark haired boy and raising her eyebrows at Eli. The red haired boy gave her a sheepish, apologetic smile before wandering off to join the other Cobras.

In all fairness, Hawk had it coming when Demetri stood up on that stage with the mic in his hand, but the brown eyed boy didn’t need to take it that far. Watching from where she stood with the other Miyagi-Dos, her e/c eyes flitted between Eli and Demetri. It pained the girl to watch her two best friends fight, but it hurt more knowing she was watching her best friend and the boy she was in love with attempt to tear each other’s heads off. Y/N had developed the biggest crush on Eli in their sophomore year, and everybody knew it except the boy in question. Demetri knew it, too, which was why initially he was so hesitant to launch an attack against his best friend, no matter how much he deserved it. But that night, he hadn’t held back.

Once the cops pulled up outside, everything descended into chaos. Her eyes met with Demetri’s, which were filled with remorse, and he nodded at her. “Go find him. Make sure he’s okay.” Y/N offered the boy a small smile in return. She knew Demetri still cared for Eli, and Eli still cared for Demetri. It was just Hawk who appeared not to. Rushing out the house so as not to get caught by the police, the h/c found Eli walking out the back of the house alone. The rest of the Cobras weren’t around, which reassured Y/N, but only slightly. “Eli!” She called, causing his head to swing around, his blue eyes catching hers. “What do you want? Come to humiliate me even more?” “Eli,’ The girl breathed in response, sounding exasperated as she caught up to him. “You know I wouldn’t do that.” “I didn’t think Demetri would, either,” He responded, allowing Y/N to see how hurt he really was. “And I didn’t think you would attack him when we were at the mall the other day. Or pour beer on his head.” Eli let out a sigh-- he was Eli now he was around Y/N. She was the only person he trusted enough to let his newfound guard down around.

“I’ve told you this before, Y/N,” The red haired boy said with a sigh. “Demetri chose his side. He went against us. Against Cobra Kai.” “I don’t need to hear it again, Eli,” The h/c haired girl huffed. “I’m just here to make sure you’re okay. Cobra Kai or not, you’re my best friend. I care about you, and so does Demetri.” “Whatever,” The boy exhaled, but he still allowed Y/N to walk the rest of the way home with him, and even come in when he opened the door and headed inside. “Mom isn’t home,” Eli spoke, closing the door and flicking off his shoes, “She’s on night shift tonight.” “Good job I’m here then,” Y/N nodded, knowing how much the blue eyed boy hated being alone. Eli didn’t say anything in response, just smiled smally.

Any alcohol consumed at the party that evening had begun to wear off, as Eli and Y/N sat on the couch in the front room. The silence was awkward for the first few moments; it always was now that there was a clear divide pushing the two apart, but both of them more than anything wanted to stay close. As much as Y/N’s crush on Eli was clear as day (to everyone other than him), the boy’s reciprocated feelings were much better hidden, especially with his new Hawk facade. However, Cobra Kai had thrown in the spanner in the works, and any chance the boy may have had with his best friend was seemingly gone. Yet, every few nights the girl would still come over and spend time with Eli, alternating the time she used to spend with both her best friends.

Eventually, the awkwardness faded, and the two would begin to speak about anything and everything they hadn’t caught up on, considering they had spent most of the summer apart at their separate dojos. An hour or so past, taking the time up to midnight, before Eli invited Y/N to stay the night like she had many times before. The h/c hastily agreed, and followed Eli upstairs to his bedroom, yawning quietly due to exhaustion. Once they made it up, her e/c eyes widened. “What the fuck happened in here?” The once blue walls, littered with posters, were now red and bare. A punching bag stood where a fake TARDIS used to be, and there wasn’t a funko pop in sight, which was not at all like Eli Moskowitz. The bedsheets were just plain black, rather than Star Wars themed, but when the h/c craned her neck, there were still small, glow-in-the-dark stars littered across the ceiling. “I redecorated,” Was all Eli said, flopping down on his bed.

Y/N flopped down beside him. “I think I preferred the Doctor Who merch,” The girl admitted honestly, causing Eli to look at her with wide eyes. “Did you know the new Doctor was female?” “Of course,” The h/c smiled, “Me and Demetri still watch every Friday night.” At the mention of this, Eli’s face fell, causing Y/N to frown. “You know he didn’t really want to hurt you tonight,” The girl sighed, attempting to lock eyes with Eli who was staring down at his fidgeting fingers. “It was a shitty thing to do, but you’ve both done shitty things to each other.” She continued her speech, becoming more and more passionate as she spilled her frustration out to Eli: “Do you know how hard it is for me to watch my two best friends fight with each other? Over something as petty as a fucking karate dojo! I know that I can’t stop you two fighting and the best I can do is try and maintain the middle ground, because the last thing I want to do is choose between my best friend and the others at Miyagi-Do, and the boy I’ve had feelings for since forever.”

Y/N’s voice began to fade out as she calmed down, but Eli was still staring at her, seemingly in shock. Noticing how panicked the boy looked, the girl’s face softened. “I’m sorry for yelling, Eli, I-” “You said you had feelings for me.” His voice was deadpan, showing no emotions as his blue eyes bore into Y/N. The girl’s mouth opened and closed in shock. “I- Maybe I said that. Accidentally. Maybe-” “You have feelings for me?” Eli spoke again, and for a second, he sounded like Eli, like the person he was before all this karate shit took over. With a sigh, the girl nodded. “Congratulations. You’re officially the last person to know.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” The boy asked, his eyes wide. “I don’t know,” The girl shrugged. “Guess I didn’t wanna fuck up our friendship, but I guess karate’s doing that for us.” Y/N’s e/c eyes chose to rest on the bed sheets beneath her instead of on Eli as he responded. “Well, what if I want to fuck up our friendship?” At this comment, however, the girl’s eyes shot up, just in time for Eli to place his hand on her chin and placed his lips against hers.

She was shocked at first, but Y/N soon kissed back, placing her hands on the boy’s face to pull him closer. The girl felt him smile into the kiss as he rolled himself closer, wrapping a hand round her waist to draw her in. “I’ll fuck up our friendship a hundred times over if it means I can do that again,” Y/N smiled, resting her forehead against his. Eli kissed her once again, softly, before saying: “For the record, I like you, too. I’m surprised Demetri didn’t tell you.” “That rat!” Y/N exclaimed, though she wasn’t really annoyed. “I’m going to kill him!” “Right now?” Eli asked, quirking his eyebrow with a cocky smirk. “Hm, maybe not,” The girl grinned, biting her lip and pulling the boy closer. “I think I’ll just stay here and kiss you.”

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teashadephoenix · 2 years ago

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I looked up an old friend today, for no real reason other than I thought of her randomly. (Actually it was her birthday four days ago. Maybe that’s why she was lurking in the dark parts of my brain.)

Things did not end well between this person and I. We were friends for eight years. Most of that time was spent “breaking up” bc she was the type of person who lost interest in me if she got a boyfriend, and she had to have a boyfriend, but she had bad judgment (like everybody does when youre 17) so they would cheat on her or were bad boyfriends, or whatever. So she’d dump them and come be my friend again-- for a few months, until she forgave the boyfriend or found a new one. This was exacerbated by the fact that even when we were hanging out, we fought. I couldn’t tell you what we ever fought about, but I do know that I wrote letter after letter telling her I was done with being treated badly and that I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. But she always managed to find a way back in.

It wasn’t until after my mom died and I ventured into the adult world that I really saw how abusive she was. She talked down to me. She talked over me. My opinions were worthless. She had no respect for my beliefs (she was always trying to convert me to Christianity by way of “casually” reminding me I was going to Hell if I didn’t.) She was openly homophobic at a time in which I was just beginning to really question my own sexuality. I knew I would never be able to be honest with this person --who called herself my best friend-- about who I was. I’ve also referred to this person occasionally when talking about my asexuality journey, because she was the one who kept trying to set me up on blind dates and could not accept that I was happy being single. (Which, I get. I get that it’s hard to understand where someone is coming from when it’s so different from your own place. But that’s literally part of being a compassionate human being: accepting others’ differences even if you maybe don’t fucking get it.)

There is just... so much damage that this person did to me, that still affects me today. She was my first real brush with a Christian who wasn’t my mother, and she’s laid the foundation for all the Christians who followed her. I still have a hard time trusting people who say theyre Christian, bc I know no matter how much I beg and plead for them not to, the conversion attempts will follow. She is why I have a hard time talking things out when I am frustrated, why I simply let things fester in resentment-- because I couldn’t discuss any problem that arose between us without calling a guilt trip down on my own head. Any criticisms were mortal wounds to her ego, and she played the victim until I was apologising for bringing it up. I know the narcissist’s handbook now but 16 years ago I did not. She’s probably the reason I don’t like having people in my house, because she used to come over and stay nine, ten hours, and of course I couldn’t ask her to go home, because she would take it personally. (And no, before you ask, I did not have any other friends. I had been convinced, a little bit by her and mostly by my own self, that I was bad with people and couldn’t make other friends, so I had to hang on to the one that I had.)

Even just writing this out is bringing back the anxiety that I used to feel when she’d texted to say she was on her way to my house. I haven’t seen her in years and it’s as real as it was the last day I saw her. And I’m so fake, even now, with people. I can have so much anger and frustration boiling under the surface and you’d never know because Im so used to pretending everything is fine.

Anyway, all this to say:

It isn’t just parents or romantic partners that can hurt you. How we relate to people is built by all the people we know, parents, teachers, regular faces in the crowd. And friends. That is how we learn how to people, by being with people.

And anybody can abuse you, especially when you trust them not to. Friends have a special key to your heart and you must be wary who you let in there.

Because friends who talk down to you are not your friends. Friends who make you feel afraid to be who you are are not your friends. Friends who give you anxiety attacks at the mere idea of them coming over are not your friends.

But if you let them have a key, they can trash the place and you are the one left picking up the mess. Sometimes that shit takes years. Sometimes you can think it’s okay, that everything’s back where it’s supposed to go, and then you remember it’s their birthday and everything just upends itself off a table.

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ahjustroza · 4 years ago

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Hello, if you're still taking requests, what about a HC for the Main 6 with a GN!MC who is like Deathstroke/Deadpool basically an immortal mercenary who can't die and gets into all sorts of dangerous situations

Lmao! Your wish is my command!

Also, I still take requests yes. I just write painfully slow sometimes lol 😔

Deadpool-like MC Headcanon

Asra

Did you saw him mad before?

He will make the hellfire fall upon your enemies

Asra is not the one to fight often

Yet if he senses trouble he will be on alert

Will get you behind him too

So cute

He knows you can regenerate

But what if you suddenly won't heal anymore?

He is not taking any risks

He hates it even when you get sick, what do you mean people wanting your ability to heal??

No. No. No.

No no no no no.

No.

No one is allowed to touch his lover.

The mere thought of it makes him sick.

Asra scares to touch you

What if he holds your hand too tight?

What if his hands are dry and won't feel nice when he touches your face?

What if you will be uncomfortable with him clinging to you?

I mean he is touchy with you.

This is not like that.

He loves you so much that sometimes he just can't even touch you

He will be fine with only looking at you and love you

Whenever he touches you his fingers feels like feathers on your skin

So he will ask a lot of protection runes and spells from Muriel

Will also research your condition

Will make a great to heart conversation with you about not getting yourself into dangerous situations

He is too open to you when it comes to feelings and opinions

He knows your everything

And you know his everything

You know full well that Asra is not dealing well with the possibility of you getting hurt or even die

So you have to make him sure that you are safe at all times.

Annd

Allow him to be close to you.

Don't let him fear not being able to hear and feel your heartbeats again. 

Nadia

No.

It is a marvel that you have such a gift

But no injuries are allowed in this palace.

Especially no injures for MC.

You are not allowed to get hurt.

You have to get spoiled rotten by her

Sit on her lap and ask for silks and gold

Not ask to go out avenging

She knows about combat and is educated we'll about it

So if a fight is inevitable, Nadia will be your personal Spartacus on the streets

And your personal Doctor House on the sheets.

Have you ever seen Nadi grumpy??

Oh my, you will love it

She will tell you exactly what would happen if your wound was worst and you never had the power to regenerate

Everywhere you go, she must escort you

And if you come with “I can do whatever I want” she will make you her right-hand person or something in the palace lmao

She naturally likes you around her so more the benefits for her

But she will not let you go off her sight for too long

If so, like Muriel she will trust you to people she knows that will keep you safe

Will make you stay in bed when you get hurt

Even tho the times you get to heal under ten minutes

You must stay in bed for the entire day and she will prepare a shared bath for you two

Also declare your attackers the “enemies of the state” lmao 

Julian

Healing huh?

He can too!

Insert meme Both? Both. Here

Since he can heal as well why would you let yourself get hurt??

Or at least that's what he says anyway.

He will get hurt for you. Why bother yourself with the trouble?

He got this.

He got you.

Will jump in front of you

Will be dramatically heroic in front of you too

He hates the idea of you getting hurt so he will sacrifice himself each time

So you have to be careful with him

He won't be hesitant to die for you

Won't hesitate to get deadly wounded only for you to not get hurt

He will always test out the curious-looking floors himself before letting you enter a new places etc.

You have to think three times before doing something

Ask key questions before each decision you make concerning dangerous things

Would that possibly hurt me?

If so, if Julian jumps to the action without thinking, will he get hurt more than they would have hurt you if he wasn't there?

Now ask the questions two more times.

Portia

Guess who will not give a damn about your regeneration?

You are not even allowed to get a paper cut  Portia is like the mom friend in a relationship  She will feel every painful thing you go through herself

In her heart

It's almost impressive because she will know whenever you experience pain

Like a sixth sense

And even tho you can heal, she will wrap your injuries

Will ask so many questions

How you ended up like this?

Who hurt you?

Does she need to punch anyone for it?

Will she end up punching someone even tho you say it's all good?

She will have lots of bandaids lol

Heart-shaped, cute colored pick your poison

She will also get insanely worried and anxious when you are out of sight in a dangerous place/ situation

She had many panic attacks too

With you beside her or without you around her

She will cry and end up overthinking everything

Not because Portia doesn't trust you

But because she has a traumatic past with nearly losing her family

She had to live many years worry for Julian and now she will worry for you

She just can't lose her family

Even the thought of it makes her shiver and want to vomit because of stress

More on that

She hates that she might be too weak to protect you from harm

Even tho you get to heal yourself

Even tho you are smart and know how to get yourself out of trouble

Portia will work out and train herself in magic and all kinds of stuff to be stronger

Only for you to not get any harm

Even the paper cuts. 

Muriel

Doesn't matter how fast you heal Muriel will be in a state of about to faint and having a heart attack each time you get hurt

He will ask soo many questions about your injuries

Will give you looots of silent treatments after each trouble you got yourself into because he “told you not to go” lmaoo

After giving up and admitting that you will not change your lifestyle, Muriel will change his

He will be like the type to put baby protectors on every corner of the house

Everyday he will ask himself

Why are we still here?

Only to suffer??

Bc you are the little shit to wake him up in the middle of the night to say you have a paper cut kind of annoying him

He will be more alert than ever when you two are out in the public

One hand always ready to grab a wooden staff he carries around under his cloak

He hates the idea of a fight but he’ll fight the devil itself for you if necessary

He'll never leave you alone

Will be two steps near you all the time unless you are with someone he trusts

Like Asra

In the shop. Maaaybe

But outside? No.

He thinks you both need protection smh 

Lucio

Yoooo

So you can like grow a limb or something?

Shit he should have asked that from the devil instead of becoming a living goat ghost

He will hate it when you are in pain but not the type to get super overprotective over you like Muriel

He knows about war and fights and he had experienced many types of physical pain

That means he will be able to understand you the most in that way

During a fight, he will swing a sword alongside you but won't jump in front of you to prevent you from getting scars

He knows you will heal but he won't.

Your healing will fascinate him each time like he never seen you heal before

He will also give you a lot of freedom than most people might think

Like the complete opposite of Julian

He will let you do anything you want during dangerous situations

He knows that you will be fine at the end

But he trusts your wisdom the most

You probably experienced many types of danger your entire life

And most probably you are better than him in defenses and combat

So you can go anywhere you want

He will just make sure that you don't die

Like literal dying.

No ghost MCs dying.

But he will also still get very furious when someone tries to hurt you

He will fight back like a demon released from its chains each time people hurt you   

#lucio morgasson #count lucio #the arcana muriel #the arcana lucio #arcana game #the arcana asra #the arcana nadia #the arcana portia #the arcana julian #the arcana headcanon #the arcana headcanons #some writing #asra alnazar #portia devorak #julian devorak #nadia satrivana #muriel of the kokhuri

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yangrdn · 4 years ago

Text

hope ur ok | mj

a/n: this one was rather sad fatima the whole series is sad 😭 really. this goes too everyone feeling alone, feeling invalid, not feeling like they belong here: ily and you're here for a reason. i'm proud of u for hanging on, and for you to continue living! ily ily ily! you're valid, heard and deserving of love and comfort. and like olivia said, sometimes family is just blood. sometimes there's no bond and it's ok bc you should be around people you feel comfortable with, not the ones connected to you just bc of blood. currently going through the same joruney of learning to love me, and if i can do it you can too!

happy pride!

summary: her parents hated who she loved.

w/c: 2.3k

warnings: mentions of homophobia and sinning

my m.list

SOUR m.list

“how’s matt?” there’s a silence for a second after the words leave your mom’s mouth, your fork hitting your plate the only sound in the room. you blink rapidly, trying not to show your discomfort. chewing and swallowing down the food, you cough and register her words, thinking for the right answer that won’t get you in any trouble.

“he, uhm, left school,” you lie and quickly stuff your mouth with more food. she raises her eyebrows, setting down her fork.

“but, you said he was your best friend? so how come he doesn’t come over anymore?” she shakes her head. you cough once again, not knowing what to say. if you say the truth, you’d betray his trust and you can only assume what your mom’s reaction is.

“he’s,” his parents sent him to a different school because he came out,”he moved. i think a week ago? yeah, that’s why he doesn’t come over anymore.” you sigh and hope for her to stop questioning you. she hums.

“would you tell him that he’s still welcome? he was such a great boy,” she gushes and focuses back on the food sitting in front of her. you nod slowly, not daring to stare at her face. you place your fork on your plate, taking it and standing up.

“are you finished?”

“‘m not hungry anymore. had something to eat earlier.” you leave without further explanation.

you place the dirty plate into the sink, leaving the kitchen as fast as possible and walking to your room. you know your mom would’ve asked more questions if you stayed. walking away is the only right answer, for now.

being a female teenager in a strict religious household is shit, to say it directly. there are a lot of things your parents won’t allow you to do as a girl. not only because their religion says so, but also because of the stupid double standards a lot of parents have when it comes to girls and boys.

one of them being sex and relationships before marriage.

and to be honest, that isn’t a big problem for you. yes, some of your friends have already lost their virginity and some have been in one or more relationships. there’s nothing wrong with that, but it isn’t really your type of living. so when your parents never talk to you about relationships and sex because they think you’re not doing any of those, it also never ocurred to you to fall in love or have sex.

and there is one more thing seen as a sin. homosexuality.

this is a topic your parents never addressed, to this day. on one side, you’re happy and thankful. talking about such a sensitive topic whilst you’re trying to find your place could result in serious problems. such as finding out your parents homophobic statements, which they call “opinions and religion” you found out about three weeks ago after a session of talking about religion. it hurt, mostly because you’re trying to fight against the hatred you feel for yourself, but also because those are your parents. the ones supposed to support and love you the most.

the hate you grew up with, the one being expressed through words or actions. like the first time when you went shopping with your mom, and showered her a simply shirt, with a rainbow.

“mama, look!” you pointed at the shirt with a bright smile on your face, the rainbow on the white shirt standing out at first glance. she was standing behind you, going through different jeans in her hand she picked out for eleven year old you.

“what is it, y/n?” she came up to you and stood next to you, looking at where your eyes were leading. you show her the rainbow.

“see? it’s a rainbow! it’s like the ones you see on people. you know, the ones that also love others?” you say enthusiastically. she frowns, glancing at the shirt and back to your face.

“yes, but you know those are sins.” she turns around, leaving you frowning at yourself and staring back at the shirt, letting it go slowly as your mind tried to wrap around the fact that two people loving each other was a sin.

that was the first time you realized loving a girl is wrong, wanting to be loved by one is wrong. wanting to be held in her arms, kissing her, meeting her and laughing with her is wrong. being happy with a girl is wrong, it’s a free ticket to hell as they like to say.

but how is love a free ticket to hell?

having people, your own parents, not explaining it to you makes life so hard. it makes finding your place in this world, wanting to love yourself so fucking hard because everyday you wake up being reminded that your mere existence is a sin. that people are disgusted, that people would do so many unbelievable things to you and the person you love. because you love.

her smile is so pretty. her skin glows in the sun, her eyes turning the color of honey when she looks up, face beaming and eyes filled with adoration for the world around you. your hand itches to take hers in yours, squeezing her hand and placing soft knuckles on her knuckles.

you love showing the people you love how much you care by taking them to different places you admire, telling them the meaning about it. there’s something so beautiful about sharing your favorite place with the person you love. it shows them that you care, that you trust them and believe they’d never betray you. you’d take her there. you wish you could, holding her hand as you walk her through the place and tell her how much you love her.

you grew up not being able to learn love, not being able to experience the love your classmates talked about when visiting school after their birthday because that special day feels like any other day, the only difference being getting a cake and sitting at the table, waiting for your family to finish singing so you could eat, open the gifts if there were any and go back to your room. it feels like this repeating day is a routine happening once a year, losing all its meaning.

this lead to experiencing hate, learning hate. learning to hate yourself for who you are because when kids grow up not hearing and seeing that it’s okay to love, they learn the wrong. they learn when they love they’re sinning and that their feelings are invalid, that their feelings should be taken care of with hate and hate only.

it took you years even to learn that loving mj wasn’t wrong. it took you years to wake up and see that it’s simple love. because why is ned allowed to love betty, but you’re not allowed to love mj because you both are girls? why is everyone so obsessed with being in your life and wanting to know who you care about? it took you years to learn that you love because you love, without reason. it’s your heart reaching out to hers every time she’s close, wanting her warmth to consume you to the point you could block out everyone’s opinions and hate, only hearing mj as she tries to bring you back to the real world only for you to continue being deep in love with her.

you love mj in secrets. with her, love is like love at first sight. it felt like in a movie, eyes locking for the first time as small smiles were exchanged and she wouldn’t leave your mind. later, you found out who she was and you started hanging out more. days after days, there were hang outs between you, her and two of your other friends. it was in a group of friends first, before you and mj started talking more alone, spending more time outside of school and her not leaving your thoughts.

which lead you to now. her head resting on your lap as you run your fingers through her soft locks, hand propping you up and leaning back on the small blanket on the floor. her eyes are closed, soft smile on her face.

“i’d stay like this with you forever,” she whispers, eyes opening slowly and squinting up at you. you sigh and throw your head back, leaning back until your back is flat on the floor.

“you know we can’t…” you mutter and close your eyes, running your hands over your face.

you’d do anything for her, give her the world even. you’d paint her like the mona lisa and work from day to night if it means she’d see how much you love her. you’d get ready for a war, fight every day for the rest of your life for her to see and feel your love, for her to see that you don’t even want to hide, but you need to because of the people. because of your classmates, of your parents, of your family. they’d never accept this.

“but this hurts, y/n,” she starts, sitting up with a frown on her face, shuffling away from you. you jolt up, hurt written all over your face when you see her face. you want to take her face in your hands, tell her that it’s alright and she shouldn’t worry about this. because you and mj, you two will stay together, right?

“i don’t want to keep hiding! this is- it’s painful.” her voice is quiet, her eyes cast down on your legs, where she was laying on just mere seconds ago. you know the pain she’s in. and although you’re hurting just as much, you’d take her pain. pray every night for her to be at ease and take her pain in, just to see her happy and not having to worry about you being seen with her. after all, she’s hiding because of you. and you feel guilty.

“i told you already. they’d never accept this and i ca-”

“we can’t even be outside, y/n. you keep turning around and checking if someone’s here in this park.” you sigh. you know she’s right, and you’ll have to admit it. she’s right about not being able to be seen with her. she’s right that at some point, your parents will find out anyways and it’s either they catch you, you tell them or somebody else does before you even get the chance to. and you could only imagine what would happen.

you clench your jaw, squeezing your eyes and pulling your knees closer to yourself. it hurts so fucking much having to keep this all a secret, and the guilt wrapping its coat around your heart is also getting bigger and bigger. you know that it’s okay to love, you know that you love her and you know you want to do this, but it feels so wrong. the feeling you got time ago when you thought about loving a girl is coming back, and it’s carving its way into your conscious telling you that you’re a disappointment, for hiding it from your parents and having feelings for her.

it’s scary having to tell judging minds you’re living the life, having a pretty girlfriend they’re all determined to hate and take away from you. slowly, it’s killing you when you think about their possible reactions, it makes you think that by being you, you could disgust them.

“maybe- maybe we should break up.” mj’s voice is unsure, you can hear her voice crack. her loose hair is covering her face and you can’t make out what she looks like. your heart picks up a pace, breath hitching as you feel that familiar feeling, tears welling up in your eyes.

“what? no,” you shake your head quickly, not letting her get away with this.

“i’m- how do you picture this, y/n? i have to hide with you, i have to lie when we’re at school. i don’t want this anymore.” she wraps her arms around herself, as if trying to shield herself from you. and it breaks your heart.

“what?�� you breath out, disappointed. could you even be disappointed in this situation? you’re the one who’s not wanting to tell your parents, she’s allowed to be hurt and have a problem with it. but still, it hurts when your own girlfriend won’t get that it’s just too dangerous.

it gets so tiring when you grow up and notice how difficult love actually is. when you were younger, it was so easy. it was boys and girls, it was marriage. it was just you shouting “ew” every time you saw your parents kiss. love, now, is hiding from your parents. it is constant fights with them about who you are seeing and annoying questions like “what are you hiding from us?” and then trying to convince you to trust them. love, now, is all the letters of hurtful words you’ve read online and heard in real life thrown your way when it comes to loving a girl breaking you, burning through you like a cigarette and leaving open wounds that could break any second. and this is the second they did, when mj got up and started walking away from you slowly, you swiftly following her.

“mj! no!” you shout, walking to her and trying to grasp her wrist, only for her to turn around and swat your hand away.

“i’m sorry, i really am. but,” she takes a deep, shaky breath and looks up at the sky,” it hurts too much. i don’t wanna keep hiding.”

every day, you tried to keep those demons away. the demons you hear about, coming into your life and ruining it, leaving you crying alone and itching for love, for the love that just left you standing on the grass as she turned around and left. the door, the open wound, is so hard to close when the person you love helped breaking in, letting them in and play with your feelings as you ask yourself why you didn’t think this trough before falling in love.

taglists

permanent

@bi-lmg @aayaissaa @prancerrparkerr @lunalovegoodsgirlfriend @selfcarecap

@samscaptain @emistrash @hermayone @hallecarey1

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heyitsyn · 4 years ago

Text

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 5

a/n: ong this is going to be a bit of a crack episode w a tiny dash of flirty manager

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

-Watch the boys be all dramatic when yn misses a few days of school and suddenly show up with a broken arm😭✊🏻😔

- Dunno if this is a dream or not but i think you mentioned that yn is clumsy. Just imagine her carrying those cute band aids around for when she gets hurt. But what if she uses them on the boys when they get hurt

tumblr moot:

- She is looking down at the boy who is checking her scrap on her knee, when she smiles all cutely and shit "I fell for you" And cue the boy having a heart attack because she is way to cute

im totally not running out of seijoh gifs or anything

anyways!!

lets start!!

okay as mentioned before and as read above,,

you are quite clumsy

like there is a normal level of clumsy

but you are just on another level

like in manager part 2, your mom ltr was not shocked when you said you fell up the stairs like ‘oh okay. the weathers nice today’

lmao what

and youre also the type to not even know you got hurt like youd just be scratching your arm and youd find a bruise

‘how did that get there?’

so it was common to find you with band-aids on you and bruises all over

like you entered the gym for practice and you were just doing your normal manager tingz when our meme bois saw you and zoomed towards you

‘y/n-chan!!! we missed you!!!!

makki screeched which scared you so you dropped the crate of bottles onto your feet

‘owie’

you mumbled, the pain settling in at an overwhelmingly quick pace so there were tiny tears in your eyes

the duo gasped and quickly kicked the crate to the side like they were angry at it for hurting you

uwu omg thats so cute

or the one time you were wiping the sweat from kyo’s forehead

he had a small soft smile that could only be seen by you as you got rid of the sweat

but that smile turned into a frown when he got a glimpse at the discoloration on certain parts of your arms

‘y/n’

he whispered

you blinked up and he gently grabbed your arm, fingertips ghosting over the bruises

‘how could you do this to your beautiful skin’

he mumbles and you shrugged

‘hmm,,, i didnt even know they were there’

kyo shook his head with an amused chuckle and iwa, who was drinking water at the side, noticed you two

then he noticed more at your other arm and baby boi hurriedly ran over to you

next thing you know, you got best bois fussing over you always hurting yourself and kyo gently headbutts you to tell you off while iwa flicks your nose

‘honestly, we cant trust you by yourself’

you just giggled at them which caused them to stumble and fluster

THESE BOYS ARE SO SOFT LIKE PLEASE

its quite normal for you to look like you just fell down the stairs and be so surprised whenever the boys point it out

like youd have this confused pout and tilt your head ‘hm? hello. how did you get here’

its kinda cute

and ofc you would naturally have your ointments for bruises or a first aid kit at all times bc you never really know when it happens and you need to treat it quickly

the boys always count on you for medical tape when their fingers bleed or whenever watari gets bruises all over his legs bc of too many flying dives

the bench was a common place for you to treat the others and our libero babie was sitting there at one practice

you were kneeled on the floor and gently applying ointment on the growing colors on his skin

‘hmm,,, wata-san, be careful next time, okay? your skin is really soft and pretty. its a shame to ruin it’

he wanted to scoff at the irony and the hypocritical comment but your worried and concerned eyes made him softly smile and nod

‘mhm. i will’

even though it was uneeded on reddened places, you would dig in your bag and fish out a gudetama bandaid on it

it was like a doctor’s signature for you and it makes the boys ltr fall in love with you all over again

ororororor that one time where kindaichi accidentally got a papercut during your study sessions and he was tearing up slightly at the pain

LMAO YALL REALLY OUT HERE TOUGHING OUT PAPERCUTS LIKE ITS NOTHING BUT I ACT LIKE I GOT STABBED 10 TIMES

you grinned at him to show that it was going to be okay and he let you sit on his lap so you could treat it

he still had a pout and you were giving him forehead kisses to calm him down

‘see? its going to be okay. nurse y/n-chan is the best out there and she’ll take care of you!’

he laughed slightly and you victoriously smiled

once it was all wrapped up, you placed a kiss on it

‘ya gotta kiss it to make it better’

not saying im doing a kindaichi route or anything but he may or may not tackled you with kisses with that comment

but sometimes, they would have to be the one to put that bandaid on you

like one day, you were walking down the stairs to go to the changing rooms for practice and humming softly when you caught sight of the tall volleyball player mattsun at the bottom of the stairs

he was just passing by and you noticed him, waving your hand and shouting his name

‘mattsun-san!’

you greeted and he turned and he smiled brightly at you

you excitedly increased your pace going down the stairs, not noticing that you stepped on the edge of the step and caused your foot to slip

unfortunately, mattsun was too far away for him to catch you so you tripped and scraped your knee

he flashnyoomed over to you and kneeled in front of you to examine it

ofc it hurt like hell but you put up a brave front

‘its okay, mattsun-san’

his adorable eyebrows scrunched in concern and he quickly shook his head and gently picked you up to sit 2 steps up

you watched silently as he grabbed ahold of the familiar blue first aid kit from your bag and he opened it to take out alcohol and other treatment things

his fingers worked to open the bottle and pour a little bit of alcohol before he gently reached out to grab your leg

but before that, our babie mattsun is a gentleman and looked up for a permission to help you

‘its okay, mattsun-san’

you giggled and you booped his nose

he was slowly cleaning the wound and you could still tell he was worried with how his brows were still furrowed

‘mattsun-san’

you called out and he looked up

you smiled cutely and looked down, flustered, then met his eyes again

‘i fell for you’

mattsun.exe stopped working

like deadass he blanked for a second then his brain processed what you said and when he did, he dropped the cotton ball and his face blew up red

this babie grimaced, eyes shutting tightly and head leaning on your thigh

you giggled at him and ran your hands through his hair

‘i swear, y/n, i swear’

he kept mumbling and his heartbeat quickened to the point he felt faint and he felt light-headed

you were just too cute

too damn cute for his heart

too damn cute for this world

just too cute

and thats not good

mattsun quickly regained his senses and hurriedly placed the ointment and the bandaid on to finish the job

you reached out with your hands for a hug and mattsun gladly leaned in and you clung to him like a koala which made him hold you tightly against his chest

‘hmm~~~~ thank you, mattsun-san’

you appreciated and gave him a kiss on his cheek in gratitude which made him hide his face in your neck

‘im going to get a heart attack, y/n. take responsibility’

he mumbled, nipping your neck

you chuckled and played with the hair on his neck

‘hm~ okay~ i take responsibility~’

I SWEAR MY MATTSUN SIMP IS NOW PEAKING THROUGH

that was only one of the accidents the seijoh boys went through with you and i swear those boys have superior intelligence in medical care just because you get hurt so much

until that one faithful day

you werent there

you werent at school or at practice

ofc you texted the coaches and the team that you werent going to be at school for a while and they spammed you asking what happened or if you were okay

but you didnt want to worry them so you just said that you were okay and it was just something that happened

ONG OIKAWA ACTUALLY CAME TO YOUR HOUSE BUT YOU TOLD YOUR PARENTS AND NATSU TO TELL HIM TO GO AWAY BC IF HE FINDS OUT WHAT HAPPENED, THE CHILE WILL STORM INTO YOUR ROOM AND LECTURE YOU

HE ONLY WENT AWAY WHEN YOUR DAD CAME OUT WITH A BROOM AND THREATENED TO HIT HIM IF HE CONTINUES TO BOTHER YOU

UKAI VIBES HONESTLY

IS UKAI YOUR FATHER?

CONSPIRACY THEORY?

BUZZFEED UNSOLVED COME SOLVE THIS

then you finally appeared

dear god

kunimi saw you enter the classroom and he almost shot up to saturn when he saw your cast

‘y/n!’

he shouted and kindaichi heard it from his classroom beside yours and he also usain bolted towards your classroom to your desk

the boi texted the team you were here and they all raced to your classroom

EVERYONE WAS HAVING A FIELD DAY WITH THE APPEARANCE OF THE BEAUTIFUL VOLLEYBALL TEAM LIKE THE BOYS + YOU?! GODSEND

oikawa screeched at the sight of your arm and everyone was firing questions at you but you couldnt focus on one so you just sat there sheepishly smiling

‘Y/N! WHAT DID-’

‘I SWEAR ITS LIKE WE HAVE TO-’

‘MY HEART ALMOST DIED!! I THOUGHT YOU DIED-’

thank god your professor entered the shooed them out with a large textbook but your teacher smiled at you

‘l/n, good to have you back’

at lunch, dear god there was a riot

kunimi strong man kunimi hoisted you in his arms and walked over to the hidden team stairwell where everyone was waiting

they all had narrowed eyes and crossed arms, with iwakyo tapping their foot

you did the 🥺👉👈 and their eyes softened at that sight alone

‘you see,,,, i had a,,, concert,,, in the shower,,, and slipped’

they blinked, confusion swirling over everyone’s head

‘excuse me? you said you slipped in the bath?’

‘for a concert?’

‘you sing?’

the team facepalmed at the reason you came in with a broken arm and you pouted at them

‘sorry, captain, everyone. i didnt mean to’

you mumbled but the others couldnt blame you so they pulled you to a group hug

‘i swear, y/n-chan, you will get yourself killed one day’

‘sorry’

you apologized again but oikawa flicked your nose

‘no dont apologize. we’ll just have to be there for you constantly to look out for you’

and he stuck to that word

like oikawa came over to your house early in the morning to pick you up from school and your dad thought it was just him bothering again

so he sighed, placed his newspaper down, took a sip of tea, then stood up to go to the closet for his broom

this mans took a deep breath before opening his door and shouting and waving his broom around maniacally

‘SHUT UP!!! YOURE DISTURBING THE NEIGHBORS!! I WILL BEAT YOUR LOUD CRUSTY DUSTY-’

that woke up everyone in the house and you bolted down the stairs, terrified yet chuckling at the sight

then something happened for everyone in the neighborhood-or Japan- to wake up

yanno the drill ladies and gents

oikawa screamed

a/n: sorry i disappeared for a HOT SEC but im back!! and we finally going back to the groove!!! and uwu thanks for sticking by and waiting for another update and the next one might be my first not-seijoh work in a LONG WHILE so look forward to that!!!

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wanderingwomanwondering · 3 years ago

Text

911 Eddie/Buddie Thoughts, eps 413-501

*a long post and no gifs, I’m so sorry*

Can we talk abt the fact that in 413 bathena have an argument about not being partners and how that parallels eddie’s tendency to be an emotional loner, not revealing his heart until his feelings bubble over? He struggles to trust/confide in others bc he struggles to trust/be honest with himself abt how he feels/what he needs. His reasons are diff than athena’s but it’s still a parallel behavior.

Also in 413 eddie is helping a kid who’s mom is hurting him. That feels parallel at least partially to shannon abandoning christopher which caused harm. Eddie is focused on the kid/christopher, focused on helping him…to the complete exclusion of himself and his needs. This is why he chose to continue with ana supposedly for chris’s sake despite carla’s golden advice. Tho we all suspect that chris doesn’t like ana as much as he lets on/as much as eddie wants to believe. But that’s a side note rn.

Then cut to the end of 413, the gunshot scene. Knowing what we know now from 501, basically eddie taking that bullet is a catalyst. The beginning of the end of loner, partner-averse eddie. It’s the start of him needing to reckon with his own wants needs and desires. He’s not going to stop considering chris obviously but he does need to look at himself his life his heart and what makes him happy. Remember Shannon’s complaint in their marriage was that she needed a partner, and now he’s reckoning with the fact that he wants/needs one too, and not just at work.

There are one or two very grounded non-clown ways to read that gsw scene bc dude was just shot out of the blue and there was plenty of shock and fear to go around. But through the clowning glass, we can also see it as a reiteration that buck and eddie are in fact partners in a big way. They just rescued a kid together just like they’ve worked tirelessly together to save countless other people before him. They are partners. At work. I would argue also in life but I’ll get to that later.

Eddie’s prolonged eye contact with buck, reaching for him. Buck’s shock and terror, staring deeply into Eddie’s eyes and watching him bleed. That whole scene begged the question “now who’s going to save eddie?” Literally and figuratively.

The show starts with the literal answer. buck. It’s finally buck. In 414 he hauled him up, dressed his wound, begged him to stay with him and to live. In Eddie Begins, buck was an onlooker, eddie saved himself in true eddie fashion, but in 414 buck ran point on saving him. Buck dragged him to safety, buck lifted him up, buck stopped the bleeding, and buck served as his lifeline begging him to stay/live.

The other interesting thing I noticed about the scene in 414 in the fire truck on the way to the hospital is that *eddie is not wearing his saint christopher medal*. Buck rips open his shirt to stop the bleeding and the medal is not there. It’s absence is loud af. I squinted to see if it had just slid to the side when buck laid him down but i couldn’t see it at all! Please correct me if I’m wrong.

Anyway that choice, to have the medal not be there or not be visible in that particular scene is huge bc that entire sequence from gunshot to arrival at the hospital is just abt eddie (and buck). In a way, in those scenes at least, buck is wo his armor (firefighter uniform) and eddie is wo his armor (the medal). They are vulnerable in those scenes physically (out in the open, exposed to the shooter) and emotionally (not shielded by their personally meaningful protective items). Combined with the staring and the reaching it’s a big indication that things are abt to get deeper between them (fingers crossed).

Back to 501. remember eddie’s been shot before, in combat. I think what makes the sniper situation important is not just that he could have died (he’s been there done that got the silver star) but that he’s not who he was the last time he almost died by gsw. He’s in LA now, he’s not in the military, chris is growing up, he has the fire fam, he has buck, he’s a widower. Eddie is growing, changing. starting to recognize his emotional needs bc for the first time in his life there’s room/opportunity to do that in a big way and not necessarily have it implode his marriage, piss off his family, hurt chris, or ruin his career. IF he actually confronts himself head on and deals with all the stuff beneath the surface. Repressed. This gunshot isn’t exactly abt his mortality but his quality of life. asking him what’s his life abt and more importantly how can he be his whole authentic self complete with his very own emotions needs and desires embracing love care and support leaning on others. Remember in that one therapy session he had those are the things he wants for chris. Now he has to find and choose those same things for himself.

In 414 by the time eddie is in the hospital, the medal is back and prominent in every scene. He’s back to framing his relationship with buck in terms of chris. But he’s the one making decisions for chris. What he wants for himself and for buck isnt irrelevant here. If it was all abt chris and only chris i think eddie would have told buck abt the will ages ago. If it was all about chris and only chris eddie maybe wouldn’t have struggled so much to say that he made buck chris’s legal guardian if he dies. Nah. I think eddie sees buck as his partner in life too on some level but he couldn’t accept/say that plainly. He had to make it abt only chris in his head in order to be okay with linking their trio of lives together forever through the guardian decision. I mean eddie didn’t even tell buck abt the legal guardian decision bc he was shot, he told him bc buck thought he was expendable! Instead of shaking him and saying you are not and never will be expendable to me, he chose to disclose the will. It was effective for sure. Evan heard him loud and clear. But wow you gave buck a whole ass person, like the person most important to you in the world?? And didn’t say anything until you survived a sniper an effing year later?? That’s a hell of a choice!

Anyway i really hope eddie and buck are on their way to being together bc i can’t take much more of this. Before they get there tho my dude eddie has a lot of work to do this season!

I reference 408 and go into more thoughts on 501 here. I blab abt the heart transplant metaphor in 501 as well as my spec abt parts of 502 by extension here. I am dying to talk abt these arcs y’all like srsly so feel free to rb/comment.

#911 fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #episode 413 #episode 414 #episode 501 #911 meta #911 speculation

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