#my mom always did this growing up so I associate it with good memories

[bee-a-ts]

my most boomer trait is discovering my Roku has a live TV app this week and getting excited because that means I can watch the local daily morning news broadcast

[sunflowergem]

2, 11, and 18 for sunflower and valora (for the oc asks! if you're still taking those, sorry i'm super late <:3)

Not to worry, I'm literally always open to take asks especially for the OCS! Thanks for sending some in

2: what is their cafe order?

🌻 since she's based off me, I'll give my go-to order if it's available. I love lattes that have flower syrups in them. One of my particular favorites from a cafe that I used to go to in America had a lavender vanilla latte that I just adored. I miss that Cafe so much. It was right by where I had one of my part-time jobs 🥲 actually have a bunch of dried flowers that I needed to turn into some syrup so I can start making flower lattes for myself at home. They are usually not available where I live now. At least not in any of the cafes I've seen.

🩸hmmmm, I already have them as a fan of savory items but would they be a tea or a coffee person... I'm going to go with tea and I think there are frappuccino person. They are all about the indulgence and curiosity, so any new seasonal item would probably be their go-to to at least try once. So not so much a regular order but predictable when you can see the menu. If it's a place with a set menu that they go to constantly, probably like a chai frappuccino or a matcha frappuccino. Something with a bit of a strong flavor palette and a lot of really rich ingredients.

🌻 music boxes, sea shells, notebooks, mortar and pestle

11: name 3-5 things that you associate your oc with

I think I already did this one, but let's see if I can come up with some other items 😁

🩸 large pillows, paint, candles, teeth

18: is your oc afraid of anything?

🌻 losing others for sure. Despite the peril that they are all in. She's very happy to be around so many people. Especially as they I'll start to care for each other and become a real group of friends. The end of the campaign after the tadpole is gone is going to be rather devastating as she goes back to a more solitary life. In the best end she'll have a couple of them stick around for a while and some people living in her house but it's not quite the same connection that they had on the road. There isn't really a romantic connection for her either. I've thought about it a lot and I just really can't nail down one companion she would end up with and she just reads perpetually single to me. So I don't think she's going to end up in a relationship despite probably wanting one. She longs for the romantic connection but is never able to foster one of her own. On the more mundane side I don't think she ever truly got over her fear of thunderstorms. She just learned how to cope. It probably got worse when she got older and was left alone in the manner with mom. Not so much afraid of them but she does not like cows.

🩸 typical durge loss of autonomy fear, since she doesn't have a true form of their own loss of identity is pretty big and that one kind of came true after the memory loss because of Orin, they wouldn't remember it during the journey but was afraid of what would happen to Orin without them. They were fully aware of how messed up in the head Orin was but cared for them anyway, I also think they might have found out the true parentage of Orin before being attacked so that made them extra protective. There was a true twisted sense of selfless love between the two 'siblings' and when you love something, you're afraid to lose it. Back when they knew they were a blob. They were also afraid of losing their connection to Bhaal because they did not know if they could exist without him. Eventually they'll fear hurting the companions since they will go to care for them all. As they grow closer to Wyll, they'll end up with a fear of responsibility that would come along with the relationship to him. They end up scared that they can't be a good person, valid considering how much sway an evil entity has over them. Overall pretty typical durge fears, with a little bit extra of an identity crisis. Other than that they are truly too curious and stupid to have mundane fears like darkness, storm, fire, clowns. All that typical stuff doesn't really bother them.

[halfblood-princes-crown]

Hi this is "severitus with alive Jilly au, unboxing horcrux gone wrong". I'm not going to write this because it will take time and those ideas are basically my good bye letter to this fandom. It's a little painful for me but I know I cannot stay in this fandom anymore. There are obviously more reasons but the main one is because this has been a central part of my childhood and I feel like I just cannot let it be a part of me for an unknown amount of time. I might return to it later in life but this is technically my goodbye to my childhood and me saying hello to adulthood officially (this is also why I'm staying an anon, I don't want to be associated with this fandom anymore, I want a clean break). This took a sad turn, but anyways, returning to the au.

You know the drill, I might also drop in

Bellatrix has a knife to my throat, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I guess I don't have to say anything cuz Ron starts screaming

The rest of the week is kind of a blur everyone is panicking, we're sleeping in the Great hall, my parents come over and for some reason my dad asks what did I do to scare her off and is disappointed to find out I didn't do anything, she just kinda ran away after hearing Ron. My mom is kind of silent, she doesn't say anything, just asks if I got hurt "or something" (why did she say it like that does she not love me anymore?) and they just kind of leave after that, not making sure I was actually okay I wish Auntie or Peter were here instead of them

Snape did make sure I was okay, he gave me a cookie and a awkward head pat. Professor Lupin actually tries to talk to me, I appreciated that, he even offered to tutor me in any spell I wanted and I don't think any of us was expecting me to take up that offer. I had a dream where I couldn't cast a spell, it was called a Patronus and it apparently works against dementors, considering I still can't go outside without hearing children being tortured by a woman in a orphanage (I asked Tom about it and he apparently did grow up in an orphanage and we're his memories, I'm still not sure why am I hearing them but okay, sure, normal Tuesday shit for Harry Potter), I also know that Tom approves of this choice my soul was warmer that usual

Things go of as usual, aunt Petunia actually sends me an owl and that is a big step because usually hates owls.

I may not like being treated like I'm made out of glass by the rest of the school but I gained a new friend, Hermione, she is a little condescending and a little bit too nosey but she is super loyal and is willing to talk about things that Ron isn't ready for yet, like politics and bullies and the unfairness of being put a label on and being expected to act a certain way and how the wizarding world treats those they deam beneath them and how cute Blaise Zabini is and how hot Lavender is becoming. Though she is weirdly against dark magic and I am too, I think, but she takes it to a whole new level and now we are researching dark magic and how negatively it affect our society. I win three to one pro-dark magic.

School goes on and I have a bet with Ron and Hermione about the date of Snape and aunt Petunia's wedding because Spane handed me a letter from my aunt one morning and the Weasley twins said they saw a hickey of Snape's neck. I bet around summer after fifth year and summer before the forth year. Who cares I wasted twenty galleons, I'm rich, especially after my godfather dies.

I master the Patronus charm and leave everyone flabbergasted when I used it spontaneously on a dementor on my way to Herbology.

Somewhere in a tower towering over the school a batty old teacher named Trelawney said in a thousand voices that weren't her own but were: "That boy might as well save himself for Death if he is going to provoke him so, Death always loved a challenge." To bad the only person there to witness that didn't have any idea what that meant and thought that Trelawney was high and made a sexual joke so he laughed, like any 14 year old would, and went back to cleaning fake cristal balls.

The year ended so we went back home and I will spend the first month with my aunt and then head back to my parents. A scream is heard along the train and then another one and another one. Students are running along the hall so I get out of the compartment to see what's going on and a decapitated head (a boy in the year above me, a Hufflepuff), drenched in blood, lands at my feet (the only person who remebers what happens when you peak Death interest the only person who can begin to guess Harry's fate) with a a loud smacking sound and I look up from the blood filled floor and look into the eyes of a faded beauty, Bellatrix fucking Lestrange, in all her twisted glory.

The smiles at me, it's a gentle smile, it's the smile that a mother gives her child when their being endearing or funny, it's surprisingly... fond. "I finally found you again, my beautiful little doll." He grabs my collar with surprising force and forcefully drags me to a corpse filled compartment and the last thing I see before the window shatters behind me is her motherly smile.

'At least I can't lose the bet when I'm dead' is my last thought before pain erupted from my head and my back as hundreds of glass shards find their painfull home in my back.

Sorry for the wait, it took me 45 minutes to write this to make it quality to make up for my drunk ramblings last time, and don't worry, despite the cruelty I'm putting Harry through, he'll survive it somehow, he's a though little cookie.

Love you and your blog! Say hi to your wifey for me!

Oh! Well I’m proud of you for letting go! I’ll miss your asks!

Your idea is so good and I adore it!!! It was great that you put it out there before leaving! It’s very well thought out and I love the plot! You put some good thought into this.

You guys really inspire me to write.

“Thought that Trelawney was high and made a sexual joke, so he laughed” 😭😭 relatable

This ^ had me in tears ngl 🤣🤣🤣 Blaise is cute…and Lavender is hot…no lies here

@moonlightdancer26 my anon says hi ☺️

Miss you 🥹

[orbees]

For @coccolithophore, answering those questions u sent last night for miss kitty!!!!

♥️- best memory

Oh good question several things come to mind w/ this one

Her first time on stage!!! Kitty's always been drawn to the limelight, u could even say its in her blood! not Dia sm, but rosabella, her other mother was a performer!!! More a singer than a dancer but kitty definitely inherited her singing ability :3

kitty took a lot of dance classes in her youth, and they were Always her favorite from the 383838 classes that she took! Kitty had quite the rigorous education growing up. Nothing less for dias princess 😤😤😤

Her first performance was for a ballet class!!! It was here she learned her love for the stage. Dia was there too, Dia was definitely the mom who Always showed up for her kids performances. But it rly stuck with kitty cause dias not much of a cryer but Dia shed a few tears then 🤧 reminded her sm of rosabella then

And speaking of Dia I think making up with her was another one of her treasured memories. It was complicated for a while there but kitty has always loved Dia, and missed her a lot when she was away from home... she just couldn't deal with Dia trying to dictate her life, and so for her to apologize, realize she was wrong, made it a lot easier to move pass that hurt and reunite with someone she loves

beyond thattt gjsngnd unforch I can't count meeting him and nat here because they met in rly. Dire circumstances. Their adventure was pretty grueling too they rly did get their asses kicked 😭 more so than the faerun squad and that's saying something!!! There were good times tho for sure!!! I think everything with leading the revolution against fortune farm is something she looks back on fondly because she felt she rly Accomplished something there, and came into her own as a leader!!!! She's always wanted to stand on her own outside of dias shadow so being able to do something like that was rly important to her.

I think too discovering Ixalan was pretty big for her similar reasons, tho very different ones than nat. She def recognized the academic value but for her it was more personally fulfilling in the sense that it was something she set out to do, and accomplished, and it definitely wasn't something just anyone could do!!!! Oh yeah I'd say saving the world is a pretty good memory too 😹 #girl

🍕- favorite food

Red velvet cake!!!!!

🧠 - what is something you like about this oc?

there's lots I love about kitty!!! Some of it the same as arahana, just that she represents all the memories I made with my Beloved dnd squad 🥰 but also I rly like kittys design and aside from her fucking horns she's rly fun to draw. It helps a lot that she's got that lovecore aesthetic and I am a lovecore bitch. I love how her relationship with Dia & Razul developed 🥺 and the bonds she forged with Nat and Him... her Besties... I've mentioned this b4 but I also rly like that she's so strongly associated with love & romance imagery but struggles a lot w/ intimacy. It's something I def wanna explore more with her. I love her strong sense of will too, especially when it blows up on her face lol some of the most fun I had with kitty was roleplaying her Losing just because she Hates it sm and rly shakes things up for her. She's a great character and one of my faves for sure!!!!

Ty for asking!!!!

[red-eft]

ooo 1-5 for Iriskree and 14-18 for! Adonis ohoo

oo alrighty.. here we Go

warning in advance that i wrote a lot more than i meant to. big oops

Adonis

14. one of your character's embarassing secrets?

one of his secrets is that adonis loooooves sappy stuff like holding hands, cuddling, etc… but growing up as a noble, he was always taught to Never Touch Anyone or to even talk about the desire to do so. as a result, adonis is really touch-starved and too embarrassed to admit it. 

15. who is your character's best friend?

his best friend in the whole world is lorne!! but he's also quite close with ivy and cordelia ^^

16. how does your character feel about their parents?

adonis doesn’t feel great about his parents. his mother died in the same accident that took his heart. his father, soren, did his best to raise adonis well, but was extremely strict and put a lot of pressure on him to become the head of the noble house.

it was all well-intended, but good intentions weren’t enough for adonis to forgive him. and then soren gets killed, so even though adonis eventually does forgive him, he never has the chance to have it mean something to soren :)

(i used to have it so that his father was abusive towards him and adonis killed him, but i’m retconning that because it felt trite and out of character for everyone involved).

17. how does your character feel about their siblings?

he has one sibling- a younger sister. he’s six years older than her. in his story he’s about 20, so she’d be 14. they’re not super close. he loves her, though, and he did his best to protect her from soren's helicopter-parenting/intense pressure. she never really knew her mom. he always told her little stories about her. 

18. a memory that still makes your character angry?

it’s toward the end of his story and it haunts him long after: ivy’s father being killed by ydrenth. no one could stop it from happening. adonis had to watch ivy deal with the same loss he felt when his father was killed. even years later, after ydrenth is long gone, the memory is still enough to make him feel angry.

he's usually only be able to calm down by taking a long walk by himself or by going to his friends to talk about it (lorne, ivy, and cordelia- they're his closest friends and also the only ones that truly understand what happened since they were there as well). if for some reason he can't do either, adonis will turn to less healthy coping mechanisms without a second thought.

----------

Iriskree

1. does your oc have any motifs?

hm.. iriskree’s motifs are the sea/water (rebirth) and the gold etched into his scales (like kintsugi- again, rebirth/being repaired). also lightning (commonly associated with raising the the dead, as seen in frankenstein’s monster movies and minecraft with skeleton horses!). i fucking love motifs honestly

2. describe your character's voice. do they have a voice claim?

his voice is very raspy. it only sounds smooth in the brief moments after he's had some water to drink. other than the raspiness, though, iriskree's voice tends to be very upbeat and cheerful. it’s not deep. i don’t have a voice claim for him yet.

3. is your character an indoor or outdoor person?

iriskree is somewhat outdoorsy! he loves the sea, the beach, and going out sailing (though he’s no deckhand; he just likes to be there lol). but at the same time, he’s not very knowledgeable or enthusiastic about other places like the forest or desert.

4. what is your character's favorite recreational activity?

cooking!! he loves making good food. also he loves getting really high with his friends and laughing about the stupidest shit ever. those two activities go pretty well together actually huh

5. what was your character's dream job as a kid? is it different than what their career ended up being?

hee... iriskree was born in a Very different time than my other post-apoc ocs (~23 years before the apocalypse), so this is an excellent question for him :>

when he was little, iriskree wanted to be a stormcaller! stormcalling was a profession along the southern coast. extreme weather (storms/hurricanes/etc.) devastated the region every few years. stormcallers used their innate weather-focused magic to drive away these storms and prevent too much destruction. 

unfortunately, iriskree had no innate magic, so instead of a stormcaller, he ended up becoming a retail worker. then the world ended and he died. about 300 years later, he was brought back to life by a bored necromancer. iriskree ended up becoming a carver, amateur cartographer, and pickpocket all at once. 

he's not really sure what to do with himself. stormcallers still exist, and he'd still love to be one. thanks to all the excess magic floating around post-apocalypse, anyone can do magic if they try hard enough- except iriskree. since he was born at the time when magic was still rare and contained, and his body doesn't have the adaptations everyone else has evolved* to absorb it, he can't use magic and literally never will. poor guy.

(bonus: dark magic barely has any effect on him because of how his body can't absorb magic. healing incantations, curses, runes, etc.... none of it really works on him. this makes it really funny when he goes up against mages in a fight because their stuff basically just bounces off him)

*i use the term evolved loosely because iirc evolution doesn't work that fast... it's not adaptation either, tho, because adaptations aren't passed down to the next generation. i guess it's weird, fucked up extra-fast evolution as a side effect of dark magic? idk whlsdjflk

[hersheythecure]

.

Thank you for communicating with me. Tha k you for showing me years ago what your suicidal ideation meant. It's your way to tell me we need help. We want the pain to stop.

Reliving horrible moments

Sexuak assaults

Abuse

Emotional and mental abuse

Seeing memories that were hidden from me. My brain is piecing together so much from my time with this man.

All the times I wanted to go to the hospital and he'd convince me not to. I thought he was helping. My brain thinks he was waiting for me to kill myself. All he really did was sit there and observe me. Sometimes he'd hug me and put his hand on my chest so I didn't disappear but mostly just stare. I thought I was too much for him and I'd tell him to leave me. I'd apologize for dragging him into my world. A d he'd say no he wanted to be there. I thought that was love. It was patience. It was wait this out for the bigger payout. I'd what no body said. He was gonna claim we had a suffocation kink and he didn't know I wasn't breathing while fucking me. He would've gotten away with it. We've never used a pillow over my face before. Never. When I told the Columbia county sheriff depot. They said we'll sometimes people do stuff like that as sexual interests. So they would've believed him. I would've been dead. I fucking hate him. This whole system fucking sucks ass. This us how I know there is no God. There is no one coming to save me but me. No one.

Itvwas always just me. Saving myself. If I went to the psychology ward memories would've come back to me. Well if I went to a good psych ward where I felt safe. I would've found out from my brain what was happening. I'm also aware I'm in a tightened state of triggers which can affect the way I perceive and process. I'm glad I've learned what that looks like. I know what's a memory, what's a flashbacks and what's my mind creating scenarios that are plausible. The evidence is the proof. The evidence shows who he is. My body tells me what happened. In detail. When the specific chemical imbalance happens in my body it unlocks every memory of abuse associated with that chemical make up. That has rang true. Atleast every memory that has since been revealed to me.

Childhood memories are locked away. I didn't get those yet. I've walked through teenhood kinda and adulthood kinda. Still many gaps. But as I remember I will journal. Flashbacks are real as fuckkkk and intense.

My job us to allow the stress to come out of my body. Words make them feel like they won't die and be forgotten. So I write for them. Write their pain and show them it mattered. It is real. Like. Fuck.

I just want to hold us. I just wish we had family. A loving and kind and supportive family. That understands mental health. I wish we had more growing up. Wished we weren't so alone. Many people feel this. I wonder if it's at the same capacity that I do.

Remember. We've been getting better each year even though it's still massive. We have yet to process any trauma with professionals. We have yet to begin any treatment due to the fucking politics of this country. It's in all of its systems. It's not your fault. Remember why we fight. We fight to see him grow up. To see him win his first soccer game. To see him smile with his two beaver front teeth. To love him. To hold him when he cries. To encourage him when he's down. To motivate him and pour into him so he never forgets how loved he is when we're no longer here.

I still remember the things my mom said to me. In my moments in the military. Her words would repeat in my mind when I needed them most.

I want to give him as much as possible so he may hear me when he needs me most.

It's going to be okay. We're doing the best we can. I feel our exhaustion.

My brain is overloaded. When I have panic attacks it's not even me. It's not even her. It's our nervous system reacting to the date in time. That's how much trauma can affect the human body. The things you do to people stay with their nervous system. Do fucking better people. Stop being dickheads. Grow the fuck up bro. Go to therapy. Unfuck yourselves.

Okay okay. Breathe. Focus on us. You're upset because people could've been kinder to us and they were not. They hurt our body and our mind. This, anger is comin from that. I'd be angry too. You are valid. Your feelings are valid. I am going to advocate for me. Thank you for sharing.

I see you. I hear you. I love you. I see how brave you've been. I see how strong you are. Let me. Rest and let me. I've got you all. I'm so sorry these things happened to us. I know there's so much more but let's eat the elephant one bite at a time. We want to respect our brains capacity to Harbor us. She's tired. I know you don't have a choice when you come out but let's learn how to minimize while you're here. I believe in you my child. I really do. I've seen you. I know you. You can do this. Muah. Let's start the day. We're going to be late.

[rottmnt-background-screenshots]

I have a TMNT OC and only one turtle related blog so I'm doing this here.

My OC is a frog mutant

are they associated with a certain color? what color do they wear the most? Yes. Teal. Like, neon teal.

what sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favorite song? Kinda rock and comedy i guess? I made a playlist

weapon of choice? any particular reason they chose their weapon? Improvise weapons only. They associate real weapons with actually killing someone due to being in the Battle Nexus

how crafty/resourceful are they? They are pretty crafty. They are good at making things up on the go, and using limited tools to get the job done.

how do they typically dress? does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics? They like things they can move in, and they aren't worried about covering skin. So they often go for shorts, and they always wear the same cropped hoodie.

how do they wear their hair? do they care a lot how their hair looks? Well,,,,, frog. So no hair.

favorite animal? why? It used to be frogs, because frogs are cool. But since the mutation they're kinda over it

do they have a nickname? who gave it to them? if it's not derived from their real name, what's the story behind it? Their Nexus name is Thunderfrog, because they would bang the walls during their entrance like thunder to intimidate the opponent

favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions? They have fond memories of eating soup and ghost bread made by their mother as a kid, but they haven't had it since their mom passed

if they wear jewelry, what kind? do they prefer silver or gold? do they have a favorite gem? They used to have a lot of piercings before their mutation, and aspire to someday get them back.

what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them? I probably wouldn't get along with them, since they're a city kid and I'm,,,, not. But at the very least we both have weird genders.

how long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays? I only made them recently. I made their b-day Feb 14 because I felt like that date would annoy them the most, and they really do hate how people respond to knowing their birthday.

what languages do they speak? how fluently? Only english, and yes fluently

are they any good with numbers? Not really

how big or small is their family? who did they live with growing up? do they live with anyone now? They only had their dad most of their childhood and adolescence, but now they live in the Hidden City

do they have any pets? what do they call their pets? They used to have a pet frog named Mossy.

how did they spend their summers/free time as a child? They used to run amuck in the streets with friends and being a general public nuisance

their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing? Neutral about lying, they are for stealing as long as it's from a big corporation, and despite how high their body count is they really do not like killing

are they quick to anger? what sets them off? They get internally angry, but keep it under control.

if applicable, can they drive? Can drive? Yes. Should drive? Hell no

their favorite place to be? Camping, out where they can see the stars for once

do they sleep well at night? No. Not even a little.

how would you describe their voice? can they sing? They aren't great at singing

do they have any creative hobbies? Does destroying clothes into a new, worse style count?

how good/bad is their hearing? what about their eyesight? Both are good

how do they move? are they clumsy? light on their feet? do they use mobility aids? They switch between large swaying movements and holding perfectly still like a statue. They are also uncomfortably flexible and bend joint in ways that you wouldn't expect can bend. The mutation really amped up the hypermobility

if applicable, do they have a favorite sport? do they play any sports or prefer to watch? They don't care about sports, but were briefly in gymnastics as a kid

how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone? Their love language is action and quietly being their for someone. Their hate language is mocking and flirting.

are they associated with any particular element (air, earth, fire, water)? Uuuh, no? Unless frog makes them linked to water?

do they smell like anything notable? Petrichor

do they like receiving gifts? giving gifts? what is their ideal gift? They don't like formal wrapped gifts for a specific event, but are okay with just giving something to someone casually

do they have any habits that aren't particularly self-destructive, just maybe odd? Grabbing things with their feet

if applicable, how would your other characters describe them? i mean specifically the people around them. this is my only tmnt oc

how would your character describe themselves? it doesn't have to line up with how they really are. As a funny, suave, smart dude. They think themself very in control of their situation.

do they ever return home? Some day. But it won't be pretty.

i wanted to make an oc ask game 😋 things i like to ask people abt their characters:

are they associated with a certain color? what color do they wear the most?

what sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favorite song?

weapon of choice? any particular reason they chose their weapon?

how crafty/resourceful are they?

how do they typically dress? does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics?

how do they wear their hair? do they care a lot how their hair looks?

favorite animal? why?

do they have a nickname? who gave it to them? if it's not derived from their real name, what's the story behind it?

favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

if they wear jewelry, what kind? do they prefer silver or gold? do they have a favorite gem?

what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

how long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

what languages do they speak? how fluently?

are they any good with numbers?

how big or small is their family? who did they live with growing up? do they live with anyone now?

do they have any pets? what do they call their pets?

how did they spend their summers/free time as a child?

their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

are they quick to anger? what sets them off?

if applicable, can they drive? if they have their own, what color is their vehicle? is the inside neat and tidy, or a mess?

their favorite place to be?

do they sleep well at night?

how would you describe their voice? can they sing?

do they have any creative hobbies? (art, writing, music, etc)

how good/bad is their hearing? what about their eyesight?

how do they move? are they clumsy? light on their feet? do they use mobility aids?

if applicable, do they have a favorite sport? do they play any sports or prefer to watch?

how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

are they associated with any particular element (air, earth, fire, water)?

do they smell like anything notable?

do they like receiving gifts? giving gifts? what is their ideal gift?

do they have any habits that aren't particularly self-destructive, just maybe odd?

if applicable, how would your other characters describe them? i mean specifically the people around them.

how would your character describe themselves? it doesn't have to line up with how they really are.

do they ever return home?

[matchluv]

Being unhappy is the new normal. 

As a society, we’ve generalized the term “depression.” We joke about death lightheartedly: “I’m so depressed,” “I want to kill myself,” “I would rather die.” How has our society come to be one where we want to be, and even argue over, who is the busiest, the most stressed out, the one that has the most problems? 

But, after all, we have burdens pushed upon ourselves from such a young age - schoolwork, expectations, social life. Yet we worry more about making unhappiness go away, rather than truly finding happiness. Are we really living life or just trying to slowly delay the inevitable, impending doom that is death? 

***

Our house ran every day like clockwork, always busy and always moving. 

When I was little and we first moved to **, my parents were determined to fill every block of time I had and I did it all. My days became monotonous, each nothing more than a faint memory. My life was consumed by: Mondays, piano; Tuesday, violin; Wednesdays, writing class; Thursdays, ballet; repeat, none of which I particularly enjoyed. I spent the rest of my time reading or doing my homework. Nothing had meaning. I looked at this time as a filler, but a filler for what, exactly? 

I treated life as if it was a sprint rather than a marathon.

Yet, most of my hobbies stuck with me. People told me I was talented, and it became my self-worth. I was nothing without my music. 

During dinner, after the usual “how was your day” s, my mom would tell stories about her childhood. This was one of the few times our busy life paused; my mom would wear a relaxed smile on her face as opposed to yelling at us. My mom had always felt distant. We were locked in a constant stalemate; she never understood me and I never understood her. But during these times, I felt at home. 

“I don’t know how to study for math though!”, “But so many people are smarter than me,” “I’m not good at sports like you”; I knew what my mom would say every time but I didn’t want these moments to end. She told us of her life growing up: going to boarding school, being valedictorian, top of her class, athletic and overachieving. So, being the eldest child, I was expected to perform well academically and live up to my mom’s reputation.

***

I was always called the “teacher's pet” in elementary school. My parents constantly compared me to others: my friends, classmates, peers. Without any self-confidence, my happiness stemmed from praise and compliments. I got perfect grades on all of my assignments, I gave the graduation speech, and I was far ahead of the school curriculum. My peers gave me nicknames as well: “the calculator,” “computer,” and “the smart one”. I managed to keep my perfect record up to sixth grade, but after that, everything fell apart. My grades were slipping far beyond my control. 

If my work wasn’t perfect, I didn’t want to do it. I would barely put effort into the things I didn’t think I was good at. Everything used to come naturally to me, and now that they didn’t, I gave up. I would dread reading any form of feedback; making one mistake and doubting my capabilities sent me spiraling into a rabbit hole of self-depreciation. I procrastinated nearly all of my assignments until everything started piling up. 

Yet, on top of it all, I told myself to not care. I repressed my feelings the way you would boil water in a kettle until I simply could not bear it anymore. 

I wasn’t normal anymore, I didn’t feel like myself. I felt broken. My life was shattering in front of me into pieces, faster than I could pick them up and glue them back together. 

***

I don’t remember how I changed. There wasn’t one singular, storybook pivotal moment. It was my friends, the feeling of a fresh start, and a newfound motivation to live life, and ironically, also my parents. They were and will always be my greatest supporters. 

I’ve realized that being normal is as impossible as striving for perfection. We, innately, associate difference with “bad” and are scared to change. Instead, I’ve started searching for the small things that make me happy: going for a walk in the park, studying at a cafe, having a picnic.

I never quit piano or violin, they still gave me comfort within my chaotic schedule, but I’ve realized true happiness shouldn’t come from being normal. It's feeling satisfied with life and enjoying every single moment.

thanks for reading!

about me :3

grade: 8th

name: kiki

[suugrbunz]

Just dropping in to say - Ooh I love music when it’s raining! That’s a lovely memory to have, it must have really affected you :)

My home growing up - filled with music. We’d play anything - hard rock, alternative, punk, blues, reggae, rockabilly, etc etc!! I have an early vivid memory too, sitting on the kitchen rug in the evening, lights dim, by the radio, Thin Lizzy playing. I loved it. Thin Lizzy will forever be my childhood music for that.

Haha, a Canadian Anthem dream 🇨🇦 I love that. 

You’re so sweet too - thank you for all our messaging last night and all the inspiration, it really picked up my mood and gave me a ton of ideas <3

I look forward also to seeing whatever you wanna put out about your characters!!

💝anon

My family was the same way!! My mom is half-ethiopian and half-ashkenazi&irish— So I grew up with a lot of different music from her. My dad stays close to mostly rock and its many subgenres. Some exceptions being the bee gees, abba, and probably others that I currently cannot recall.

My mum used to play music every Sunday and we'd dance together to it. My mom always wanted to get into gothic and alternative fashion (during the 80s) but never did. The reasoning was really logical, she was in a small town and didn't want to receive any mistreatment based on her appearance. Which she already had been through due to the fact she's mixed race.

There's other songs I hear nowadays that I have to pause and realise; I heard it in my childhood. Lots of new wave that I've rediscovered. My childhood song, that my mum used to sing me to sleep with was Annie's Song by John Denver. My bubbe, who I am named after, also liked the song. She died before I was born. One day, the song started to play in my head. I wasn't sure where I heard it but I ended up finding it. My bubbe was named Ann and loved the song because y'know the title. According to my mom, bubbe went out and bought the cassette tape of the album. So it's like a small connection between myself and my grandmother that I never met. However, the music that's been greatly associated with my dad during childhood are people like Rob Zombie, Metallica Megadeath, Foo Fighters, R.E.M., and so many others. Actually, random side tangent again; I was in a record store with my dad and this guy approached us. Acting as if he was into, "underground" music. He called r.e.m. just...rem. Like you say the letters...right?? It was funny and every time we hear r.e.m. on the radio one of us has to exclaim, "hey, it's rem!"

And I'd like to thank you for our talk as well. It was really nice to just talk about music and writing. Thank you. I've been having a lot of bad memories lately and you reminded me of the good ones.

[robinalivingods]

Hey kid, werido(lol), you been stressing your life bout being accepted in every environment you thought you needed, but you know what? You keep learning through the journey it's okay.

I know your whole life you been longing for someone in need, by your side and Everytime that opportunity comes it seems to never last. But again kid it's okay. You have to let go, make memories go for everything you think you FEAR. it's okay

Hey but look now, you one of the biggest artists on this planet with so many souls living in/on it. Be proud, I'm proud, daddy proud, you made mom proud, you made your uncles proud, grandma and auntgrand proud, everybody who loves you proud, so be there for them always kid. Take care of those who love you love. Love cannot be bought kid, yall will have differences of course - that's why you are who you are kid. it's okay.

You probably won a Grammy one, two or more or not, doesn't really matter, but I know what it would mean to you kid. I would love for you kid, but look at the lives you have impacted that's worth more than any prize you want Ntando. Kid thriving, I know you sometimes you feel like quitting but remember 'Grade 8' "This my life(Music)" go with that kid, might be a short version of inspiration but do take it. It won't be easy but it will be worth it. it's okay

You probably have new friends, new associates, built a team of people who trust you, be there for those people too. Be a Leader kid. Be a good listener, be smart and don't hate, face value never counts on this planet. Know your worth. They gon shit talk you at times. it's okay

You probably in a relationship I cherish love kid, know how to love but most importantly love yourself, kid. Sometimes love is weird, yet know this, you don't find love, love finds you kid. It heals but can also hurt you, but don't give up. it's okay

Be You, believe in you like when you did in 2017 or 2019, love you lots kid. Never change what you believe in but grow to be a better you so you can find the great in you.

You in L.A right now reading this, just had a fantastic project out, Tyler, the creator produced one of the records on the project. You saw your first billboard. But you haven't made it yet but live in That moment kid. I love you, remember to do different era's and experiment with different sounds of music. They might not understand it. it's okay

You rich corporate ass motherfucker, love you to death... Ohhh and don't forget that Oscar. And *reminder* stop filling up the garage with porches or whatever. But that 911 been due, hahaha.

Michael Jackson probably proud where he at right now. You still that 5 year old kid. Love that for you.

Eddy finally found love him, can't believe it. But the gang good, a few fallout along the way but it was worth it. The crib crazy, but funny how you always traveling. Robinson Crusoe

Don't want to spoil alot. But love you alot.

Be that kid. KIDS ON THE FLOOR.

[springcourthighlady]

Briar gawks a bit as he shifts into a human appearance, then does the same to her, his magic like electricity over her skin--but in a pleasantly warm way. Her sunny aura and sharpened features dull and her ears round out.

This. This is exactly how she had looked at the Hybern camp, aside from the burns and lashes and blood. Just...ordinary.

Poor, boring, ordinary Briar. The perpetual burden, the wilted wallflower desperate to be heard. It's good that I'm different now. That I changed. Maybe...maybe I could be loved one day. If I can control my mouth. Nobody likes a woman who is too talkative or opinionated. My mother really should have helped me curb that instead of encourage it...

But then again, her mother was always speaking her mind and being loud and silly with her as a child. She gave her a good life even if they weren't rich. She had everything she needed. And it was something she had always admired about her mother. Her boldness.

He shoulders droop a fraction, looking over her skin. So different feeling, even now, only after a relatively short while. To be back in her human body...and all the raging feelings and emotions that were associated with it.

She swallows and says softly, "It's very weird to be...back. As I was...am...born as?" The terms are still odd on her tongue. "It feels like home, like...I'm in my true skin again. But also like a too-tight costume at the same time. It's an odd feeling."

Home. I'm home. What used to be and is no longer. There is nothing else for me here but Caedin. Mom's gone. Lily's gone. Dead. And yet here I am. As a faerie. Living a life Lily should have.

Despite her thoughts, she looks toward the village as if she could see all the way to her old home and the memories and items that it probably still held of her mother. Her heart squeezes, and before her sadness could turn into real tears for all that she shoved down, she focuses on what Tamlin is saying.

"The Inn? So... that means no more camping." Some relief floods her, and she nods. "Good. That sounds good. Thank you for the effort of making all the arrangements. The food and the horses and the lodging. I could have assisted if you had needed. I hope it didn't take up too much of your personal time..." she trails off, still half distracted with memories and painful longing, but still wills herself to remain in the moment, forcing down her grief and the crazy idea that she could go to their small cottage--just to look one last time.

Maybe...maybe I could meet back up with him. Maybe I could gather some of my mother's things that I didn't get to before...they're likely very dusty though...no, no, I can't. I have to stay. I have to monitor. I can't leave him alone here. He's a walking target. I can't let anything happen to him here. Stop wondering.

Turning and watching him for a moment, she notices how he goes rigid as he pulls out the rings. She steps closer for a better look at them in his larger hand. "Wow," she gasps. "They're so beautiful, Tamlin. Where did you get them?"

Her eyes lift to his curiously, sparkling in the sun despite her humanity.

"Oh! Yes. O-of course." Her cheeks pinken slightly and she forces a smile to her face, even with that expression of hidden sadness possibly giving her away. She awkwardly lifts her left hand, praying it doesn't tremble with her inner turmoil as she extends it, her nails painted a pale lilac that matches the color of her room in the Manor.

The force of her heavy emotions press in on her as she tries to remain stoic and fight against the tears and the growing sickening feeling in her gut.

Figure You Out | Tamlin & Briar

Tamlin was exhausted and the rescue hadn’t even begun, yet he was thankful that lunch and a spot of vulnerability for his love for ducks had brought back Briar’s smile. He had never meant to seem judgmental — his guard over his heart was deeply instinctive. People trying to love him or disagree with him tended to make it rear up like a wild horse. Wild as a horse, shut tightly as a clam, sometimes Tamlin genuinely just wished he could be free to quack like a duck. Their lives were so…peaceful.

They approached the border as the sun was setting and Tamlin dismounted, remembering to help Briar off her horse. He could be firm and friendly. He didn’t have to feel the amount of emotions to show her kindness and respect. My mother wouldn’t be very happy with how I’d treated her before. She made me promise to not grow into my father.

To not be cold. To not be cruel.

He wasn’t cruel. Tamlin knew that; but cold? He was cold as ice. Warmth felt dangerous. Dangerous, yet inviting.

“I’ve made reservations at an inn nearby.” Tamlin placed his hands over his ears to glamor them into a human shape, before doing the same for her. He shifted his eyes from green to blue, shortened his height from a towering 6’6 to a more ordinary 6’2, and his away his intimidating physique. It had been built over centuries. It wasn’t something attainable to human beings. They were here and then they were gone.

His shoulders stiffened and he battled himself as he reached into his pocket and withdrew three rings. It would have been easy to conjur them, but he took marriage seriously — even fake ones. These were family jewels. They weren’t the most precious of stones, but they still carried his family name engraved in the smooth silver. Hawthorne-Sinclair.

He reached for her hand. “May I?”

[dancingwiththefae]

Chords from the perspective of a parent who constantly feels like they don’t know what they’re doing

So listen I have a lot of feelings about this song and I want to talk about them so here goes

First of all I want to say that I am in no way talking about people who have unhealthy or bad relationships with their parents (abusive or otherwise) I too have a difficult relationship with mine that I won’t go into but 

If you can’t listen to the song because you associate it with bad memories from you’re own life then that is fine and totally valid.

I think the parents in this specific song are not terrible parents as some say and I want to talk about why

If we take that Madeleine is the mother and Joey is the father. Their child has grown up and is ready to leave home and they are reflecting back on their childhood and their time as parents during a huge change in their life  Madeleine touches on something specific about motherhood. You are constantly made to feel like you are not good enough. From medical professionals to opinion pieces online to your own friends and family. Everything you do is scrutinised. And you will then scrutinise yourself for not being better. 

Joey opens the song with remember today you are loved I think he’s both talking to the child and to Madeleine. The father here is talking about all the good memories they had and reassuring the mother that they did the best they could and that’s enough. He is the positive to Madeleine’s negative

my saints, my sighs, my upsets, and the days I couldn’t cope

the feeling of not being able to cope is a common feeling among parents. Guys I’m not gonna lie you you. Being a parent is damn HARD. 

charcoal eyes, stilettos, they’re not ready (nor are you)

That’s your baby standing there, all grown up. But it can’t be. They’re still a baby. Where did the time go. I swear just yesterday they were building sandcastles at the beach.

and by my own admission, had no notion what to do

I won’t lie to you, this hit me hard. I have no idea what I’m doing. Still don’t. But here’s the secret, no parent does. We have good days and bad days. We make mistakes. But we’re only human. 

we’ll be all that you hate about yourself so you can grow, cos life begins by leaving, and our love is shown in the letting go

I see a lot of people interpret the parents as manipulative and trying to convince them to stay but I think here says different. They admit they’re not ready to let go of their child but they will anyway because they love them. 

go tell them how we fucked you up, and oh my god it’s so unfair

this is in reference to the phase teenagers go through where they’re parents are the worst thing in the world. It sounds juvenile, very “mom it’s soooo unfair” when teenagers don’t get their way. 

we were the winter nights so you could be the morning snow

this is the most beautiful line I think. And the most poignant. This gives me memories of staying up all night with a sick baby. Of exhaustion so bone deep I have no idea how I functioned. Of toddler tantrums that you just couldn’t stop and at the end of the day you sat down with your partner, your child asleep upstairs, and you both go “god, that was horrible,” and then you get up the next day and do it all again. And you do it willingly so that they can grow up to be their own person, fresh and new and full of protentional just like the morning snow that has not yet been walked on. 

be good, be safe, be kind, know we’ll always love you even though you’re leaving us behind

empty nest syndrome. Need I say more? But they end the song by letting go of the child that they so wish they could keep small. They give them one last piece of advice and then set them free, because that’s what needs to happen. That’s life. 

But they are allowed to not be happy about it. Remember parents are human too. And we have such a complicated relationship with parenthood. We make so many mistakes. We hate ourselves for not being perfect. But then, at the end of the day, it’s not about us. It’s about them. And now it’s time to let go.

[from-the-dark-past]

Interview with Anders Ohlin in The Black Metal Murders: English translation

Translator’s note: Black metal-morden (English: The Black Metal Murders) is a radio documentary from 2017 produced by Radio Sweden (download). It’s about Mayhem and the Norwegian black metal scene in the ‘90s and contains interviews with Jørn “Necrobutcher” Stubberud, Kjetil Manheim, Eirik “Messiah” Norheim and Anders Ohlin (Pelle Ohlin’s younger brother). 

Here, I’ve translated the parts where Anders Ohlin speaks into English (from Swedish). I’ve added time-stamps and short descriptions for the different sections of the interview. 

I am working on translating the interviews with Necrobutcher, Manheim and Messiah and will post them soon. 

1:51 - 6:35 [Talking about him and Pelle getting into extreme metal]

Anders: We’d started listening to hard rock and it was… We’d, like, worked through all of those… Judas Priest and Iron Maiden. 

Narrator: It’s the mid-1980s in Västerhaninge, a suburb of Stockholm. Pelle Ohlin lives here. He plays in the extreme metal band Morbid and his stage name is Dead. Pelle has introduced his five-years-younger brother to hard rock. Together, they’ve worked through all of the main bands. 

Anders: And you, like, hungered for this… This Other. 

Narrator: The ‘Other’ that younger brother Anders is talking about is extreme metal; music that is faster, darker and harder. A progression of hard rock. Music that isn’t easy to get your hands on at this time. Anders is in his early teens and has gotten his first girlfriend. 

Anders: It was my first relationship and it was super-exciting, and I was at her house, she lived in Jordbro, which is, like, the neighbouring suburb. 

Narrator: Anders’ girlfriend’s older sister has an LP that Anders simply must show his older brother Pelle. 

Anders: It was, like, you knew it was good music, and it was that Destruction record. 

Narrator: Anders sees the German death metal band Destruction’s cover and it’s enough for him to understand that this must be good music. [...] 

Anders: This. This here isn’t Judas Priest and it isn’t Iron Maiden; it’s something else. I’ve got show this fucking record to Pelle. 

Narrator: Anders nags [his girlfriend’s older sister] to borrow the LP. He’s allowed to, but only for the day, so he bikes home in the rain from Jordbro to Västerhaninge as quickly as he can. 

Anders: And it was like [excited noise], like a cartoon; the evil wolf, their eyes bulge out and we both ran -- because we hadn’t heard the LP, only seen the cover -- ran to the record player och then Mom walks up and is like: ‘Stop! You’re forbidden from using the gramophone.’ And it was like, fucking hell, is it going to die here and then we explained to Mom -- ‘This is an extreme record and we’ve borrowed it for the day and it’s going back tomorrow,’ -- and Mom was super-harsh and was like: ‘It doesn’t matter. [...]’ And then we started negotiating and agreed that we could record the LP onto cassette [because you don’t need volume for that]. So, it was on full-blast the entire night and we recorded it and stood bent over the record scratches and were like,‘Shit, this is good stuff’. 

Narrator: Pelles hard rock style stands out against the usual sweatpant-Bagheera-jacket [style], not least the music. 

Anders: The ideals that existed at that time were that you were supposed to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, which neither he nor I did [laughs]. You were supposed to be handsome and cool and have some fucking helipad on your head. 

Translator’s note: Anders is talking about a flat-top haircut commonly referred to as a ‘helikopterplattafrisyr’ -- helipad haircut -- in Sweden. Think H.R. Haldeman. I’m not sure what the English term for this haircut is. 

Narrator: Anders and Pelle are apart of a small subculture; extreme metal, with subgenres such as trash metal, death metal and black metal, which provokes with its satanic and morbid symbols. Pelle’s band Morbid pushes the limits of what music can sound like. With his stage-name Dead, Pelle sings on the demo December Moon. The new subculture is not embraced by the adult world. 

Anders: Like, we faced this fucking cultural oppression as hardrockers. It was that time-period… And especially if you wanted to do something that was worse than hard rock; it was completely judged. 

14:52 - 15:53 [Talking about Pelle being bullied] 

Anders: He was beaten at school and to such an extent that he actually died for a while, or however you put it. 

Narrator: There’s an explanation to Pelle’s obsession with death. At 13, he was bullied at school and once, he was beaten so badly that his spleen burst. Pelle’s brother Anders Ohlin tells the story.

Anders: He was beaten to death and had some near-death experience as he was laying in the hospital and he kept coming back to that all the time, and I think you can see that as some sort of theme in his songs too. Like, it’s always about the fact that he was actually there and touched something that he doesn’t know what it is, and that was the engine in all that. He was definitely [at the bottom of the pecking order] at school, precisely because he was a bit… He had his special... his special style and was, like, uncompromising, and that was what singled him out, I’d say, markedly from other teenagers. 

18:07 - 18:30 [Talking about Pelle’s depression]

Anders: He would neglect to eat, just to get a cassette tape out or arrange a gig somewhere. 

Narrator: Anders Ohlin, Pelle’s brother. 

Anders: To be a bit harsh, I think that the others gave up at some point. And that’s my personal interpretation. That he suddenly turns around and notices that he hasn’t got the gang with him. And I think that destroyed him. 

21:50 - 22:30 [Talking about Pelle’s suicide] 

Anders: At first, I was actually really pissed at him… Or, like, angry, enraged. I thought that he’d abandoned us -- which he has. That it was so shitty of him; to just take off and leave this big fucking abscess to the rest of us that just kept growing and growing as the years passed. 

Narrator: Christmases become especially painful for the Ohlin family, because that was the time Pelle usually came home. 

Anders: No one felt good on Christmas Eve. It was like a fucking ghost all Christmas. Brutal. So, I remember that I couldn’t celebrate Christmas at all for a very long time. 

1:06:39 - 1:09:31 [Talking about how he and Pelle’s Swedish friends remember him and his life today]

Anders: All of his Swedish friends see him as this exuberantly happy guy that spews ideas and is funny and has a sense of humor and stuff. Then, it’s like a line is drawn when he goes to Norway and they see him as introverted and mysterious and, like, difficult. And that’s two opposite images. 

Narrator: The Pelle Myth is associated with a lot of darkness and death but that’s not how his brother Anders and Pelle’s Swedish friends remember him.  

Anders: I think that’s been the devastating part, but it, like, helped him build… strengthen that myth. It’s hard being that funny dude and saying that you’re, like, Satan. It’s hard, it becomes, like, silly. 

Narrator: Anders is often reminded of Pelle. Usually because of happy memories but also because of that image that he is fighting to remove; the image that Øystein took of Pelle’s corpse which spread because it became the album cover of a Mayhem bootleg, Dawn of the Black Hearts. The image lives its own life on the internet. 

Anders: It’s difficult. It’s very difficult. 

Narrator: Pelle’s fans often want to become Facebook friends with Anders; he receives 3-5 friend requests per day. Sometimes, the people sending the friend requests have themselves shared the image on their social channels. 

Anders: You say you want to be my friend yet you have an image of my brother from when he’s just killed himself and like… body parts all over the wall. Would you think it was okay if I had an image of your brother like that? ‘What,’ they excuse themselves. ‘Oh, fuck, I’d forgotten that I had that image, that’s… Of course, I’ll remove it and I’m ashamed.’ 

Narrator: When Anders asks people to remove the image, most do. 

Anders: I’m terrified for when my children will start to Google those images… Øystein’s parents inherited the rights after Øystein died and [Øystein’s dad] has destroyed the images and I’ve received the rights, gotten to take over the rights from Øystein’s dad, so if anyone uses them in any form is printed media, I can sue the shit out of them. 

Narrator: It’s a small comfort every time one of Pelle’s fans tells Anders how much Pelle means. 

Anders: Most often, they have some story. They tell me how they’ve had a tough period in life and how they’ve, like, really been at a crossroads or something and feel that they received guidance from Pelle’s music. That warms -- That makes you happy. That really warms your heart. 

Narrator: Pelle’s grave is well-visited and every now and then, there’s a handwritten letter or a box of snus by it. 

[portraitandplaylist]

Side A: Alicia

What does music mean to you? How does it make you feel?

Music is my coping mechanism. It's basically what I use to get through everything, like anything that I'm going through. When I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm overwhelmed. That's what I go towards. That's what I always want to use, I don't know if that makes sense. It's basically the thing that I lean on when I don't have anything else.

How big of a part does music play in your life and career?

In my career, not so much, but in my life, it's a huge part. It's how a lot of life lessons were taught to me. It's the background of a lot of bonding time with my family. Every part of my life - every good memory, every bad memory - has a song associated with it. It's usually in the background of every part of my life.

What's a song you know word for word, bar for bar?

It has to be one of two songs and this is gonna sound really dumb, but it's either gonna be First Heartbreak by Tori Kelly or Mockingbird by Eminem

Do you collect vinyl? If so what do you enjoy about it? And if not, how come?

Yeah, so I do collect vinyl and I really just love that records are like the way that you can make music - which is like an art form that's not necessarily tactile - something you can hold. It's cool to listen to music on my phone, 'cause it's so accessible and easy, but when I'm listening to a record or I'm holding a record, it just feels like I have piece of what the artists made in a way that listening on my phone doesn't give me.

Tell me about your favourite concert that you went to.

So there's this Dominican artist, his name is Romeo Santos. He used to be in this bachata group called Aventura and he recently - pre pandemic - did a show that was at MetLife stadium, [it was a] massive stadium show and he played for five hours and he brought out so many of the bachata genre's OGs that it was probably the best experience of my life, and I just remember going home, like, "did that actually really happen and was I actually there?" because it just felt so life altering and massive. It was so cool.

Your favourite lyric?

I don't know why whatever is coming to mind right now, all I can think about right now is Adele's song All I Ask from 25 and it's the part where she goes, It matters how this ends/'Cause what if I never love, again? I don't know, she was on to something with that one.

Give me the name of a playlist you made with no context.

hard for me to say

What are your desert island disc albums?

It's gonna be Lemonade by Beyonce, Utopia by Romeo Santos and The Emancipation of Mimi by Mariah Carey.

Tell me about music your parents played while you were growing up.

I can think of two artists, there's one album, by one of the artists. It's called Quien Dijo Ayer by Ricardo Arjona. But then my mom was a big Ana Gabriel fan, so she used to listen to a lot of Ana Gabriel, especially when we were cleaning.

Briefly talk me through the songs you put in this playlist, what do they mean to you.

So I chose the songs in my playlist by basically going through songs that were my favourite song at some point in my life or songs that still are my favourite, songs that I blast in my room, songs that I know every word to, songs whose lyrics get me hype or songs whose lyrics got me through something or just songs that I've had on repeat because they came out and had been stuck in my head.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Hope van Dyne’s child

Hope van Dyne x child!reader

Scott Lang x stepkid!reader

warnings: insects (ants), sharp weapons

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Happy holidays darling! Would you write HC for Hope Van Dyne's child? Love the step-parents HC 🥰”

growing up as a lil smarty pants

grandpa hank was pretty proud, although he didn’t see you very much

once every few years

but he did tell you all these crazy stories about his adventures that you honestly thought were just fiction (until you were older)

“and i was as small as an ant, but i was still incredibly strong! remember that, kid. just because you aren’t as big as someone else doesn’t mean you can’t beat them” -hank

“y/n doesn’t need to be hearing those stories, hank” -hope

“why not? they have important life lessons in them!” -hank

“why does mommy call you ‘hank?’” -you

“because mommy hates grandpa, isn’t that right?” -hank

“okay, i think that’s enough of this visit. come on, y/n, time to go” -hope

your mom was very supportive of you, nonetheless

she wanted to be different from her dad

so she showed up to EVERYTHING

birthdays, sick days, tucking you in for bed, parent-teacher conferences, art shows, you name it

“here’s some tea, jellybelly. it’ll make your throat feel better” -hope

“mom, i think i’m dying” -you

“you’ll be fine” -hope, givin’ u a kiss on the forehead

life wasn’t like, extra crazy or anything. sometimes she’d bring you to work and honestly? darren cross didn’t seem like the worst guy. he even brought you whatever you might need if your mom was staying late at work

“hey, van dyne junior! i brought you a puzzle that might keep you busy for a while...and a happy meal from mcdonalds! let me know if you need anything else, me and your mom will just be in the lab for a little while” -darren

“thank you!!!” -you

uh huh, ur mom taught u manners!

anyways you started spending more time with your grandpa cuz they had a plan

thats when you found out that his “turning small” stories were not, in fact, bullshit

“wait grandpa...you actually did shrink as small as an ant?” -you

“why would i lie?” -hank

okay well cue you wanting to shrink down to ant size now it was your new aspiration

you did learn how to command ants tho!!!!!!

but unfortunately (or not so unfortunately) hank brought scott to the party

“hi!” -you, waking scott up

“what?!” -scott, jumping back against the headboard

“hi.” -you, staring at him “im y/n. these are my ants”

bullet ants were just crawlin around the place

“oh, that’s....that’s cool. any chance you could tell me where i am or how i got here” -scott

“wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy” -you, leaving abruptly

“are you bothering our guest?” -hope, watching you proudly nod “good job, jellybelly”

mom taught u how to punch 🥰🥰🥰

and let you use scott as a punching bag

but scott wasn’t like awful or anything he was just insufferable at times

“i think you’d like my daughter cassie. she’s weird and smart just like you” -scott

“did you just call me weird? mom, can i punch him again?” -you

“no no no! i meant weird in a good way! please dont hurt me anymore!” -scott

chasing him around the yard ready to ATTACK

hank had to tell u to cut it out

“dont tell them what to do” -hope

“someone has to” -hank

“excuse me? i parent y/n just fine, better than you ever did for me!” -hope

“do they do this often?” -scott

“every time they see each other but that’s not very much” -you

“hm...hey, do you like ice cream? specifically baskin robbins?” -scott

ur mom said “we do not associate with idiots ❤️” and then proceeded to associate with said idiots

scott did end up saving u from darren tho bc that mf tried to hold u hostage and scott was really not in the mood for that bullshit

“you alright, y/n?” -scott

“murder is okay, right?” -you

after that whole ordeal he and your mom were kinda a thing uh huh

and he introduced you to cassie!!! she was amazingly sweet and you could def see the family resemblance

“is this my new sibling?! i’ve always wanted one!” -cassie

“hey, me too!” -you

you hung out with her on a weekly basis, with or without scott

and mom and grandpa were working on a ✨special project✨

one you insisted on being apart of

“no, y/n, we can’t make you your own suit. you’re too young for this sort of thing” -hope

“pleaaaaase mom? i swear i’ll he responsible with it!” -you

“you’re mother is right, y/n. you’re just not ready yet. maybe someday, but not anytime soon” -hank

scott took you on family bowling trips yes he did

and just corny stepdad shit

but he went to germany and mom and him broke up and FF to two years later when you guys had finally reunited

“scott!! you asshole!!” -you, like this -> :)

“kiddo!! sorry to hear that!!” -scott, same energy

shading him the whole time

“ach mein gott” -you

“are you kidding me, y/n? i make one mistake. ONE” -scott

“you’re one mistake has caused me to live in MINIATURE HOMES” -you

“THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD THING” -scott

“WELL IT’S NOT” -you

“did you at least miss me?” -scott

“sicher habe ich” -you

“god dammit” -scott

surprise!! u kind of had a suit (for emergencies)

as a van dyne/pym, it was almost a necessity to know how to use pym particles

scott acted like a proud dad

“wow, you’re really doing it!!!” -scott

“halt die klappe” -you

“please stop” -scott, tearing up

finding out about ✨grandma✨

she possessed scott and touched ur face and told you that she was so excited to meet you but you didn’t know wtf was going on and you had the urge to smack scott but THANKFULLY you did not

“i have to meet her for real! let me help you guys!” -you

“okay” -hope

“what? really?” -you

“it’s about time we put your genius to good use” -hope

scott offered you a high five for that and u literally accepted it

“don’t get too happy, that was just an in-the-moment thing” -you, watching scott’s eyebrow raise “fine. you can have a hug”

okay okay well everything went okay and then half the world ~vanished~ including ur whole family but like cassie and her family took you in and you spent five years very alone and upset until one day cassie called you downstairs and whoopdedoo???? scott???????

“is my mom with you?” -you

“sorry, sport, she’s not...do you have your suit with you? we need to go on some...hero business” -scott

you missed scott a lot over the past 5 years, this really did cheer you up, even if it was just him

“how’ve you been holding up the past few years” -scott

“the world sucks, man” -you

“i can see that” -scott

he turned on some tunes for the two of you to enjoy otw to the avengers hq and it was probably the best memory you created since everyone disappeared

“wait, reach into the glove box” -scott

“oh, god, i hope there’s no rodents in here...” -you, reaching for a picture “is this..?”

“family photo!! you were little back then, i can’t believe how time flies. i mean, it flew really quick for me, the quantum realm is no joke” -scott

you were busy staring at the picture of your mom, you really missed her

busy ~saving the world~

and going to 2012 with scott

“hey uh just so you know, i might be able to make pym particles” -you

“‘might?’ and if we use faulty pym particles we ‘might’ die. would you like that?” -tony

“hey, back off, stark. they’re just trying to help” -scott

next thing u know ur in present day and THEN u actually got to hold the scepter bc scott let u

“im gonna stab you!!” -you

“no!!!” -scott

the other avengers, literally mourning natasha while you chase him around with a sharp weapon: 😧

okay after the place was destroyed u got to face mr. purple man and yo mama showed back up and saw you on the front lines

“y/n????” -hope

“mom????” -you

“scott!!!!” -scott

“really, scott? a shrek reference? now?” -you “...nice”

the reunion with your mom was short and sweet but you missed her forehead kisses and she gave you one immediately!!!! and she was crying but you were too bc damn

“listen, after this, we’re gonna have such a fun family night. i’m so sorry i couldn’t be there for you all this time” -hope

“mom, it wasn’t your fault...it was that purple bastard, let’s get him!” -you

“they grow up so fast...” -hope

i n s e c t f a m

insect fam killed it out there and then ✨attended tony’s funeral✨ together right after

that’s one solid family 😌💖

anyways time to celebrate a (halfway) return to normalcy

with your *sister* cassie and your mom and your...scott

you were just happy to all be together again, it’s been WAY too long

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisqueer // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @spideyandtheboys // @ghost-bich // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @groovyfluxie // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @lxncelot //

[jesusology]

Haruka theory and thoughts under the read more! just me going through the MV and voicing aloud some thoughts, let me know what you guys think too! 

（*´▽｀*）also this is super long i

opening scene! the necklace is obviously important to him. also it’s very cute. nothing to say abt this in particular but i just think it’s really cute

love the background choice and how the room looks in general. gives me a big liminal space vibe. i promise i’m getting to actual theorizing in a second here just

love how the scenery from the window changes when it switches back and forth between him and his younger self (?). i’ve tried searching what the symbolism is of a red sky (if there is any) and i did see that it could mean “the end” or it could be symbolic of danger and what’s to come.

ugh i love the water thing going on. first off, i’m a huge sucker for water imagery and the like and so you KNOW i go gaga for this. it has to be because haruka feels like he’s constantly drowning, like he’s suffocating on his emotions. 

i’ve watched this MV at least fifty times and this still gets me upset. pretty obvious that what’s going on here is some form of emotional abuse as well as a co-dependence on Haruka’s part. Haruka clearly has a learning disability and it’s nothing he can control but the people in his life are blaming him for it and so he blames himself, too.

evidence of emotional abuse, being told things like how he’s pitiful or not smart, etc and of course Haruka is going to believe that hence why he’s always calling himself dumb and feeling like when he’s around others he’ll only make them sad because that’s exactly how it was for him at home. 

also like how the background is all gray and gloomy and there’s his childish scribbling of a monster (?) hovering over. could be symbolic of a threat to what’s his normal life, like it could end so suddenly

the world around Haruka is changing. his parents are changing (i’m assuming they’re divorced but i don’t think that’s ever made explicitly clear), he’s growing up, but he also feels exactly the same maturity wise. he may be increasing in age but he still is exactly the same and the change is unnerving to Haruka and it’s become noticeable to his parents that he’s not “growing up” and doing “normal” things. his learning disability is holding him back from becoming what’s so normal for society, what’s accepted in society. 

so he’s viewed as “weak”, it’s his ‘weakness’. and society eats the weak. 

i feel like Haruka’s parents (perhaps namely his mom)(or maybe it was both his mom and his dad but Haruka’s thinking more about his mom because he was closer to her) were becoming fed up with Haruka’s inability to learn what is supposed to be ~oh so natural~ and ~normal~ so they quickly began to get frustrated. also, that drawing behind Haruka appears later i think....

Haruka realizes and recognizes what’s going on and this, in turn, makes him have feelings of self-loathing. why can’t he do what anyone else can? why is everything around him so different but he’s the same? why is he getting taller, having more expectation placed upon him when it’s just too hard for him? Haruka is grappling with these thoughts constantly and it’s making him feel like he’s drowning and no one cares to pull him up out of the water.

i’m gonna be honest, i have no clue what to make of the girl with him at the fireworks but i DO know that the fireworks are really important to him because i recall him answering that it was his cherished memory and he goes on to say the most expensive thing he’s bought was cotton candy and i’ll venture to say that it was at this fireworks festival. 

i got nothing to add to this but i just love that line and it is important for you all to know this

are those yellow roses or marigolds? i’m thinking maybe they’re yellow roses which can mean either “jealousy” or “thinking of you” 

i could be going off a wrong assumption here, but hey this is all just guess-work anyway... did he accidentally push the girl? and it somehow led to her death or at the very least a severe injury? i’m willing to bet it was more of an injury than death, but even so. 

and if he DID push her, now it’s coming to light? like he did that, it was his fault (even if it was an accident, he would no doubt blame himself), and he’s a bad person who is only good for causing harm to others.

as someone who also sleeps with like five stuffed bunny animals, solidarity between me and Haruka. i want that rabbit it looks so cute

YAA there it is again! i don’t know what the heck it means but there it is!

the dog gives me pause because i’m not entirely sure what to make of it but i DO think this is where it’s important to remind people that the MV’s are based upon the prisoner’s own perception (i think. if i’m wrong, please correct me) and so we’re getting a lot of this from a biased standpoint. 

again, emotional abuse that might seem “”””Harmless””””” to others but it’s anything EXCEPT. 

did the dog run away? was he given the dog and Haruka now blames himself for letting the dog run off and perhaps the dog got hit by a car? (;﹏;) i feel like something that’s important is just how much self-hatred Haruka has and his tendency to blame himself for outside factors. i don’t think he LITERALLY killed the dog, but he feels as though he did so it’s become figurative. 

also as far as his dislikes being “children” and “animals”, i think he’s jealous of them, maybe? like that could tie into the yellow roses and their symbolism signifying jealousy and envy. he’s jealous of the inherent “innocence” associated with them. he’s getting older, so that “innocence” that’s accepted with THEM is no longer being used with HIM. Haruka has what’s deemed as “childish” interests and i get the feeling he’s made to feel badly about it. no doubt his disability is tied in with this.

there’s those flowers again. and Haruka tries to drown his wants/needs in order to try and “repent” for being the way he is. it’s HIS fault, so he has to think everything is fine even though he’s NOT fine and he’s going to break at some point under the pressure of society/his parents/everything. 

Haruka makes an effort to try to understand things in the beginning, but everytime he questions something that’s really ~obvious~ to everyone else he’s met with disappointed gazes and harsh critiques. so he stops trying to understand what he’s apparently ~lacking~ and he stops asking questions because that’s it! he’s dumb! he doesn’t get it so why bother!

i feel like by this point any praise to Haruka is better than nothing. rather than indifference or being ignored, he’d even rather be called “crazy”. i think Haruka just wants ANY attention be it good or bad - what he hates the most is feeling invisible or as if he could disappear and it wouldn’t matter to anyone.

i still feel like the blood on his hands is more figurative than literal and for reasons i’ve already explained so there’s no need to rehash it like i’m trying to meet an essay word count requirement

me too Haruka （；へ：）

his feelings of sadness and being unwanted turn to anger onto HIMSELF and it is what snaps the very thin thread he’s been living on 

choking himself ties into the water motif we’ve got going on here. the drowning, the suffocation - no longer being able to breathe because everything is broken and it’s unfixable. and he’s the reason why.

i feel like his crime is somehow suicide/attempted suicide but if it IS suicide then i really don’t know how he could be with the other prisoners? unless they’re all dead and this is some form of purgatory or something but otherwise? i don’t know. i just feel like it could be suicide

now i will also say this. the puddle of blue surrounding “him” has to be blood and that kind of makes me wonder if i’ve been barking up the wrong tree here but. idk any ideas anyone else has on this would be appreciated and also please talk to me about MILGRAM because i’ve got a badddd obsession 

what Haruka wants more than anything is attention and love. he wants love and yet it’s difficult for him to accept love because he doesn’t seem to have any “experience” with love. in the questions asked to him, he doesn’t even seem to really know what “love” actually is. he considers “liking” and “loving” to be the same thing, there’s no difference to him. if he’s getting attention it might not even matter to him because at this point something is better than nothing. 

so yes! this is messy. and it’s perhaps even incoherent. if you read this thanks for coming to my TED talk i love Haruka so much. it’s probably become obvious that i’m a little biased bc i relate to him a lot. let me know your own theories too or thoughts on this, i’d like to know hehe （*´▽｀*）