#my mom WILL be staying w me though I can’t live without her LOL
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coldbrewnette · 7 months ago
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I cannot wait to finally be able to send my father back to santo domingo bro
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storiesofsvu · 5 months ago
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Okay, so last week my sleep schedule was beyond fucked up and I had a friend staying with me so I didn’t get to watch the new CM until WAY too late and my reactions were barely existent and I almost fell asleep before it ended cause it was almost 6am by then. So I’m rewatching last week rn (while working on other stuff) before watching the new ep. Expect some notes from last week but not a lot I guess lol!
We love a good female unsub.
I STILL do not understand how Emily got full ass arrested over this shit, like yeah brian accused her, but they don’t really have any grounds for arrest, esp her being fbi?? She should have been asked to come down for questioning but that was it. She never should have actually been booked. (though this DOES play into the whole conspiracy thing. Like get her arrested/out of the way/a reason for the upper people to get rid of her or have something to hold over her head. Like, her getting arrested would be part of the whole gold star thing). WITHOUT that though, make it make sense.  GOD to be a lawyer in the CM universe must be THE most annoying thing in the entire world LOL.
This red coat will forever and always be one of my top fave wardrobe items of em’s
Okay but like, the coke “conspiracy theory” seems pretty legit LOL. But em is like.. losing it. She’s tunnel visioned on this gold star case and isn’t sleeping and like, my girl just needs rest and peace for ONCE please.
Jj wanting to talk but not having the courage to bring it up just hurts me man.
“contracted to kill gold star” I thought gold star was an operation? Or a team? Or was that found out later in this episode….LOL
Honestly… Emily breaking the rules/law is not OOC at all. and her asking Garcia to help her (and Garcia complying) isn’t either, it’s happened before in canon. And like.. when em’s getting shoved to the utmost bottom, she’s never above breaking protocol, even if she is in charge. Look at the lauren arc, look at her battle with barnes, her standing up to strauss, she’s always done whatever she thinks is right, it’ll get her answers, even if they can’t be used in court.
Voit looks SO much like someone I work with and that weirds me out LOL.
Mega points for Sydney for standing up for herself. I’m super glad she’s been given some time to shine this season.
Okay either Emily has had some sense knocked into her w saying “this case isn’t gold star until we prove it” or she thinks its an utter waste of time…
You’re SERIOUSLY telling me Penelope Garcia of all people didn’t see “star light star bright” and think of the nursery rhyme? That she wasted how ever many of her guesses and didn’t come up with something along the lines of “wish tonight”?!!!? that shit’s TOO easy…
If last season gave Emily a migraine, dealing with all of this and esp brian should be giving her an aneurysm lol.
The girl playing holly is incredible, I hope she gets the career she deserves. Also.. she deserved to attack voit, like her sister is young enough she’s still living in a weird confused/delusional point where she doesn’t really get what’s going on. holly’s old enough she knows her entire life is completely fucked up by her dad being a killer. That her family’s torn apart, she’s watching her mom barely keep it together, they have to move, again and again, new school, new friends, over and over all in a feeble attempt to try and stay safe from their dad who’s supposed to stay in prison?
Yeah this girl’s absolutely going through it. She loves her dad and misses what they had before everyone found out what he was actually doing.
Not voit getting TWO fucks in one sentence! He is right though about holly being in trouble and needing help now. Maybe he’s self reflecting a little bit, I can’t remember if his past was discussed last season LO, I’m remembering something but I might be fucking up plot lines… EITHER WAY, he sees a bit of himself in holly and doesn’t want her to turn out like him, which could be considered remorse…
JJ asking about Emily and how she’s doing after em asks about Sydney and the girls… just absolutely proves what everyone online was BITCHING hardcore about, with em “not caring about jj” they’re both going through hell, they’re both exhausted, I bet jj didn’t sleep the night before either. JJ wants to know about em and is checking in with her, she knows everyone’s going through it and when asked about her shit, she brushes it off cause she knows both of them are under stress, that she can bring it up later rather than dump everything on em when she’s struggling to hold herself and the team together. Sometimes you have to wait on things like that.. it’s just life.
If tyler and Penelope had met under ANY different circumstance I would be here for it, but I refuse to be the way it was done.
Emily v Voit is giving me so much life. Why didn’t they just send her in first? Lol. Like yeah voit ends up getting what he wants, but also, she’s so fucking cocky about the way it  happens and she can read him like no tomorrow and that’s after no sleep and all that shit? Tell me your powerful without telling me your powerful.
Okay, imma check if the new ep is up yet, if it is, I’ll be back right away, if not, I’ll see ya in a couple of hours…
Alright, I decided to finish writing some headcanons and got distracted and opened twitter to a gif of Emily smoking from the new ep and it was the hottest thing ive ever seen so let’s pray the new ep is up…
HERE WE GOOOOO
Oh we’re starting WAY back with last season flashbacks? Oh GOD this is gonna be a rough episode isn’t it??
Emily needs a hug, a nap and an orgasm.
Jfc this got creepy right off the bat… like voit was slightly okay in the past eps and now he’s just playing into the psycho
Im sorry, the fbi assassinated WHO? I cannot function without my subtitles and there are TOO many names/people in this season over the total season arc that I keep losing track….
Okay so at least it’s not just em’s ID they haven’t updated, rossi’s is old as fuck too..
“its not the first time I’ve crossed ethical and legal boundaries for this case” Rebecca: “and I didn’t hear that…” LOOOOLL
 AND THIS IS WHY  I SAID ID NEVER WANT TO BE A LAWYER IN THIS UNIVERSE
I understand that they said any previous deal would be off the table if voit fucked around with them but are you SERIOUSLY trusting him to provide the message and it not be something to alert them?
Okay but shout out to voit for being the first person to refer to tara as “Dr Lewis” in like.. forever
“you neglected to ask me that” dude’s right… you didn’t ask. That’s on you.
I really like the way they’re profiling this situation from both points and jumping back and fourth,
LOOOOLLL the morse code. Fucking called it.
ANND LUKE GETS A FUCK! YES
“can you do that? without fingerprints?” homegirl is about to get herself fired, isn’t she? (she don’t care either so…)
I know Rebecca being close to voit is like, a legal thing and the jurisdiction and shit but it worries me. Imma be surprised if she makes it through this season.
Jfc Emily is SO hot. I adore they keep putting her in blue!
Voit being the comedic relief was not on my bingo card.
YEESS JJ WITH THE “SO SHUT THE FUCK UP”
Not fuckin voit giving the ship a name.. my dude.. stop.
Lmao, Rebecca, he’s not actually gonna confess a crime babe…
“youre not under arrest, you’re here as a person of interest on a 24 hr hold” WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHOULDVE HAPPENED TO EMILY
“useful idiot” IM TELLING YOU EM TO BRIAN IS FRANKIE TO THE DEAN
Not him gaslighting her!
I know part of it is tv, but part of it is reality that plain clothed officers look EXACTLY like cops. Like, everyone can tell that you’re looking over your shoulder and being suspicious. Someone watching for cops isn’t gonna be that dumb.
Wow that team really had ONE good shooter? You serious?? Jj could have got that in a second.
The way Penelope knows about bombs?? That definitely came from derek.
UGH NOO BUT YESS the look on rebecca’s face when tara said she was staying with the bomb. There’s still love there and I swear to fuck if there’s some dying confession of love that’s my 13th reason
Not jade literally being in the same fucking park…
Ive been saying it for years but without Garcia… the team wouldn’t solve a single fucking case.
Okay I GET THAT THERE’S A FUCKING BOMB but like.. both tara and luke and ALL the surrounding officers are SO focused o that and are COMPLETELY ignoring voit.. that bitch could and would have been completely gone if it wasn’t for rossi and the sniper with him…
“this piece of shit” YES. Listen, I know we’re all feral for swearing, but as someone with a potty mouth who works in an industry when we’re always swearing, it’s so natural to me, and it makes things seem more real.
OH FUCK NO
HOW WAS THAT DUDE SO FUCKING DUMB?!?!? WHY WASN’T THERE LIKE 50 OFFICERS AROUND TO MAKE SURE SHIT LIKE THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN. MY GODDDD
But now voits back in his cell…
Ugghhh rebeccccaaaaaa
“im not at my best right now” “pfft. LOOK AROUND”
How DARE THEY end the ep like that. like the smoking part and her not giving a FUCK about it being inside and in her office was one thing, but the dire attempt to keep her composure and keep it together until she got out of the building only to utterly break down in dave’s arms?!?! Im sobbing. I honestly don’t think we’ve seen her cry *like that* since she was abducted by scratch…. They really turned to paget and said “hope you’re ready to act this season…”
Fuck.
I.. what an episode.. part of me feels the intense need to write some form of fix it fic… woof.
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solarsavoy · 2 years ago
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Hello! May I ask 1, 8, and 10 for Deshi, or 2, 8, and 9 for Stag?
(To my other readers out there, yes I'm procrastinating, but this also gets me in the mood to write.)
For Deshi.
1 - What’s their ancestry? Where’s their family from? Do they know? Are they proud of their ancestors?
So Deshi's dad is presumably Japanese, but he left when Deshi was 8 and Mom doesn't talk about him. He is in fact Japanese, but Deshi's unsure of this. His paternal grandmother died before he was born and his paternal grandfather died when he was 1 or 2, so he has little to no memory of them. As for his mom, I go back and forth on what I want her to be, but I know she's from Europe. Originally, I wanted her to be Italian, but now I'm wondering if she's half and half of something else. Deshi is loosely based on my own ancestry, my father also being Japanese but I don't know him, but I wanted him to have two different cultures than my mom, who was a half and half between two herself. So I want his mom to be at least half Italian, and Deshi definitely knows this about her (and all of her ancestry) but her entire family resides in Europe. He's visited them once or twice in his life, but seeing as it's expensive and Mom doesn't work (she gets life insurance for the father's disappearance, he was ruled deceased so she could get access) they don't really go that often. Also, then never come to visit them in America (which is totally rude, but eh, it happens.)
He isn't particularly proud of his ancestry, but he doesn't hate it either. He's very neutral about things like that (he gets it from me, at least for how I feel on my mom's side), but he often argues with certain things he inherited from his father such as his thin frame and inability to gain sufficient weight in muscle because of his genetics. Not without at least trying to gain it anyway, lol. 😅
8 - How do they feel about their government? Or other forms of authority?
He respects it a lot except when it comes to his mom, which I'll explain in a bit. He's that guy that follows all the rules and overly worries about breaking them. Also known as the party pooper when it comes to staying out late or trying a bit of alcohol and other shenanigans that teenagers usually tend to do. It really stresses him out because he cares a lot about not breaking the rules.
A lot of this stems from his home life. When his father left, his mother subconsciously laid a lot of responsibilities onto Deshi because of her grief. Deshi did a lot for a kid, and started to confuse the line between parent and child more often than he should've. This is why he respects authority so much, because he is an authority figure in his sister's life, and she does everything except listen and respect Deshi, which is very frustrating. As he gets older, he often fights with his mom because sometimes, she treats him like an adult, and other times, she treats him like a child. He really hates this confusion and would rather just be a child, but then it just gets insulting to his intelligence and then she'll ask him to do something like babysit his sister or do the yard work, all a man's job in his eyes, which usually ends in a fight. This also affects Sasaki, who is very precocious, because she views Deshi as a child but for whatever reason, he gets these special "adult priviledges" that she fully believes she is more deserving of.
10 - What would absolutely destroy them? What can’t they live without?
While on Earth, if anything were to happen to his mom or sister while he was there, it would destroy him. He would blame himself and maybe even take it to the extreme because even though it wasn't a responsibility he asked for, it's one he had. If he feels responsible, or like he was the only one that could have changed something, it would destroy him to not be able to handle that responsibility, no matter how great a responsibility it was.
For Stag.
2 - If they could be or do anything in the world, who would they be? What would they be doing? What does their ideal world look like?
He actually gets there (technically, not explaining why it's technically). It's funny because you asked the perfect questions that reveal these character's growth arcs. 😊 In his ideal world, he would be free. He's a free spirit in a lot of ways, but for most of his life, he was tied down by trauma and responded with avoidance. He eventually learns to face his past so he can move on and be free, although it takes a while, and ends up in his ideal world with the person he loves. Initially, they travel together, picking up lovers and leaving them only to come back later and have more fun. He does this for years until they settle down and his partner continues to travel while Stag essentially becomes a stay at home dad. He ends up in Estes, the least populated kingdom, so he can continue to hunt and be one with nature while raising his kids. His ideal world is having the freedom to do what he wants, when he wants, without judgment or trauma or anything weighing him down.
The ultimate freedom of his heart, mind and soul.
He is a free spirit. 😊
8 - How do they feel about their government? Or other forms of authority?
He tends to fight against it when it doesn't agree with him and the closer it is to him, for example Lord Carroll, the harder he fights. This stems from his past trauma of basically being abandoned by his authority figure, so he's reluctant to trust that they have his best interests at heart. For good reason, if you ask me.
9 - What’s their perfect day look like?
This obviously depends on which version of Stag you're asking, so I'll do the one for book 2. It's not exactly what happens, but they're all parts of the reasons he really falls for Deshi. (And man he falls hard.) So details are changed, but if done in this order in this way, it would easily be his perfect day. (Only made more perfect if it were with his number one.) He gets up insanely early because Deshi is stressing out about something, so Stag distracts him by pulling pranks on the night guards. Then they watch the sunrise together from up high on the castle. During the day, they end up late for classes but spend a bunch of time goofing around and while fighting Lord Carroll in a two-on-one fight, they actually win. Then after class, they go and explore some parts of the kingdom together. The end up at the Fiend's Nest and, even though Deshi fights it, which is cute, they dance and the night ends with a kiss. They're both horribly exhausted by the end and they stay in the same room (not sexual) and Stag gets to cuddle Deshi while they sleep. Other notable interactions are talking about the people they like and mutual teasing about their crushes on people. Also, Lord Carroll participates in the prank war later in the day and Stag and Deshi end up pulling the ultimate prank on Lord Carroll which makes him act like a sore loser. Also also, they talk about their pasts, which may not seem all that important, but Stag hasn't even told Lord Carroll about his past. Having the heart to tell someone something that deep means a lot to him.
Anyway, enjoy the fluff, but be warned that this is a fabrication based on the events in book 2 and not actual events in book 2. Regardless, there are reasons Stag develops a crush on Deshi, and I can't wait to release the Second Fragment. 🥰
Thanks so much for the ask, @magicalflyingfish, it was a lot of fun to explore these questions. And now I want to work on Krystar... 😅 Well, on to writing!
Ask thing.
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rebeccccccaaa · 4 years ago
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Ѕтдсч’ѕ Мом
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ɴᴀᴛᴀsʜᴀ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴏғғ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ
Summary: fucking stacy’s mom dude; what else is there to say?
ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: milf!nat good god, age gap [not established but over 21 cuz drinks lol and pretty big but consensual ofc], major mommy kink lol, unnecessarily using the phrase ‘stacy’s mom’ too much, i might end doing another part even though it’s a long one
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: stacy’s mom has got it going on ;)
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“Did you hear me?” Stacy asked you.
“Huh?” you snapped your head back to her completely unsure of what she said.
You two were hanging around the pool soaking in the sun. It was summer and your college classes didn’t start for another six weeks. You’ve been spending your summer with Stacy and her mom at her beach/fucking big ass mansion in California.
Stacy’s mom worked as an architect or something back home in New York with Stark Industries so to say they were rich would be a huge understatement. She was practically a billionaire like the owner himself. Also the most gorgeous woman you’ve ever laid your eyes on. You’ve had a crush on her since the day you met her back home in New York.
“I asked if you wanted to order pizza? We can get something else but I’m not cooking without my mom,” she giggled.
The day that Stacy’s mom went back to New York for a business trip you guys attempted to make pancakes. Fucking pancakes. And almost burned down the house. Everyday since, you guys have been buying and ordering delivery on everything; she had the money so.
“Oh sure that’s cool. Maybe we can go pick up some beer too?” you suggested.
“I like the way you think, Y/l/n,” Stacy said, pulling out her phone.
You laid back down letting the sun warm your skin before you turned your head back to Stacy.
“When is your mom coming back?”
“Um, I’m not sure but probably sometime this weekend, she shouldn’t have been gone that long. Why? You miss her? Like her more than me?” Stacy jokes, making you flush and get defensive.
“What? No, I was just asking,” you told her.
“Hey, relax I’m just messing with ya,” she laughed.
You breathed out heavily and tried to distract your thoughts but you weren’t doing a good job as you instantly started thinking about Stacy’s mom. Goddammit. You two went inside and heard a knock on the big glass front door and Stacy ran to get the door. The pizza is probably here.
You went ahead to the guest room you occupied and instantly took a cold shower. You were sweaty and overheated from sunbathing not from the insensitive thoughts about Stacy’s mom bending you over the side of the pool as she pumped her fingers in and out of you whispering the filthiest things in your ear, definitely not from that.
You came out and the smell of greasy pizza overcame you. You walked into the kitchen finding the pizza sitting on the counter and you walked over to grab your slice. You stuff the slice in your mouth before turning to grab a beer from the fridge. You grabbed the beer and shut the fridge door only to be completely taken by surprise.
“Got enough for one more gal?” your eyes widen and your breath hitched making you almost choke on the pizza still stuffed in your mouth. You pulled the pizza out and chewed rapidly as her gorgeous smile widened at your flustered state.
“Miss Romanoff, you’re back,” you said, your mouth still full.
“Yup, just got back,” she nodded towards the baggage piled by the living room couch.
“Cool,” you swallowed audibly.
“Mom! You’re back,” Stacy came in; thankfully.
“Hi hon. You two holding up with delivery and junk?” she joked nodding towards the pizza on the counter and in your hand along with the beer.
“Hey, we tried to cook something but we almost burnt the house down so we just gave up,” Stacy explained, grabbing a greasy slice of pizza.
“Ugh, you girls need to learn how to cook. This stuff isn’t good for you to have all day everyday.”
“Well, if you hadn’t left us,” Stacy said sarcastically with a mocking grin.
“Trust me, I didn’t want to,” she said, looking at you.
A few hours had passed and you sat in the living room watching movies with Stacy and her mom. The movie was quite scary since those were Stacy’s favorite and during a particular quiet and suspenseful scene your stomach growled embarrassingly loud causing both of the women to snap their heads to you.
“I- I’m so sorry, I’m really hungry,” you mumbled shyly.
“Lemme order something,” Stacy said, grabbing her phone.
“No, no, no. you girls are done with the takeout. Come on; go wash your hands. We’re gonna cook something together.”
You and Stacy stood at the counter covered in flour tiredly kneading dough with your hands. Stacy’s mom grew up in Russia and she wanted to teach you guys how to make her favorite dish that her mom always made for her for lazy summer nights just like this one.
“Ugh, my hands hurt,” Stacy complained.
“That means you're doing it right,” her mom snickered.
She came up behind you closer than you’d like peering over your shoulder like a vulture. She rested her hand on either side of you cagin you in, pressing against the counter suggestively. You breathing quicken and you could feel her breath fanning over your shoulder and chills erupted all over your skin.
“You doing alright?” she asked you, of which you silently nodded afraid that your voice would betray you embarrassingly in front of her and her daughter.
“Good girl,” she whispered, squeezing your hip making you jolt.
“You good?” Stacy chuckled.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” you said sneaking a glance at Stacy’s mom who carried mischief in her eyes.
You continued to slowly but surely make your dinner for the night until suddenly the doorbell rang and echoed across the gigantic house.
“Expecting company, you two?” Stacy’s mom asked.
“Not that we know of?” Stacy said wiping her hand on her apron before scurrying to the front door.
“You’re doing so good, Y/n,” Stacy’s mom teased.
“Th- Thank you,” you mumbled timidly.
“Of course. Anytime, hon,” she whispered getting closer to you.
“Miss Romanoff,” you whispered, turning your head.
“Yeah?” she smiled softly, her lips impossibly close to yours.
“I- uh, you’re-”
“What are you guys doing?” Stacy asked.
“Y/n’s got something in her eye; poor thing,” she said and you instantly started blinking quickly and rubbing your eye, feigning that uncomfortable feeling.
“Oh no, do you need eye drops?” Stacy asked sincerely, guess she bought it.
“No, I think I’m ok,” you told her quickly.
That’s when you actually registered your surroundings again after being suffocated by Stacy’s mom’s perfume and lusting atmosphere. God, you want this woman to fuck you so badly.
“What’re you doing here?” Stacy’s mom asked in her usual playful manner.
“Well, I wanted to surprise Stacy by taking her to a weekend getaway in Malibu; had I known you had guests. I don’t mean to exclude you,” Jason, Satcy’s boyfriend arrived without notice.
“Oh, it’s ok. I’ve been here all summer. You should go; spend some summertime with your boyfriend for a bit,” you smiled at Stacy.
“Really? I don’t want to leave you all alone,” Stacy said.
“She won't be alone; she’ll be with me,” Stacy’s mom said smirking at you; she pressed her hand to your lower back making you stiffen.
“Think you can handle my mom for the entire weekend alone?” Stacy said laughing but you weren’t.
“Can you?” her mom teased.
“I’ll try,” you said shakily. You were not ready.
“Ok, ok. Let me go pack,” Stacy said, turning to Jason excitedly.
Jason followed in pursuit hot on her heels leaving you alone for a moment with her mom. She caged you in her arms as she did before, pressing her hips flushed against your bottom. You gasped softly feeling her cold hands riding up your back under your shirt.
“Miss Romanoff,” you choked.
“Nat; we’re close, aren’t we?” she whispered in your ear.
“What are you doing?” you felt her nails lightly scratching your back making you shudder.
“We’re gonna have the whole weekend to ourselves, hon,” she smirked devilishly.
“Fuck,” you breathed out when her hands brushed to your front, her thumbs grazing the bottom of your breasts.
“Ok, all ready; I think,” you heard Stacy and her boyfriend coming down the stairs. Nat, pushed her herself off you and walked over to her daughter and her boyfriend, swaying her hips just a little bit more than usual knowing you’d kept your eyes subtly trained on them.
“Have fun you two. We’ll see you guys Monday?”
“Monday night,” Jason said.
“Bye mom. Bye, Y/n.”
You waved them off with a small smile, your stomach doing flips anticipated what the hell this woman had in store for you. If she was even going to lay a hand on you, you had no fucking idea. You just stay still, absolutely unmoving, behind the counter.
“Alright, hon. Let’s finish this dinner,” Nat said, turning to you.
Throughout finishing cooking, Nat kept her hands to herself but that didn’t mean she stopped teasing you. Every time you did something correctly, she whispered praises to you that made you wet, arousal pooling between your thighs uncontrollably.
You sat at the counter next to her quietly eating what you made with her help. She watched you carefully to see if you’d like the food and you weren’t going to lie, the food was amazing.
“You did it all by yourself, малышка. Such a good girl you are,” she whispered making you tremble. She picked up your empty plate and carried it to the sink. You sat still in your seat before Nat came up behind, moving your hair from your shoulder and neck. She leaned down and pressed her lips lightly against your burning skin.
“Miss Romanoff,” you said suddenly standing abruptly.
“Yes, hon,” she said.
“W- we, we can’t-” you heavily stuttered.
“Ok,” she responded.
“Wh- what?”
“Ok; I’m sorry,” she stepped away from you. You don’t know why you were so surprised, you literally told her to stop.
“Ok,” you whispered.
“Good night, hon,” she said walking away.
When she was out of sight you huffed deeply feeling like you could finally breathe normally again. You trotted hastily upstairs seeing as Nat was seemingly in her room. You walked up to her door cautiously, light peering from under the door; reaching for the handle but ultimately shied away thinking about the fact that she was your best friend’s mother.
“Fuck, this is wrong,” you said to yourself frustratingly.
You went to your own room closing the door as quietly as possible. You tried to occupy your mind as best as you could running a shower, brushing your teeth, even re-folding your clothes that were already tucked neatly in your drawers. You couldn't shake the feeling of the way her lips felt against your skin.
You were so desperate to be in that position again and Stacy’s out of the house; the opportunity was perfect but of course you cowarded away running off to your room lying to yourself that you didn’t desperately want to spend the night in her bed.
You looked at the time and saw that it was around ten at night deciding it was late enough to hit the sheets; not the ones you want but whatever at point honestly. That proved to be a huge struggle as you tossed and turned for hours. Everytime you close your eyes you're met with those beautiful emerald green eyes that you find yourself getting lost in everytime you see them.
“Ugh, shit,” you groaned, unable to sleep.
You stood up abruptly throwing your sheets to the floor paying no mind to the mess you made. You swung the door open and stomped to her room. You were furious that this woman, who clearly didn’t do anything, was keeping from sleeping peacefully as you had been in the previous nights.
You stood silently in front of her door breathing heavily. What were you thinking? What were you gonna do; yell at this poor woman who didn't do anything? But she did. She kissed you.
“Are you gonna stand out there like a creep or are you gonna let yourself in?” her muffled voice came from beyond the door and your eyes widened.
You hastily turned the knob to her door finding her resting beautifully in the golden dimmed light on her large white bed; the sheets so fluffy she looked like an angel resting on a cloud. She had a book in hand, it was Russian so you couldn’t understand the words. But nevermind that, you stood in front of the closed door with an angry expression on your face.
“Now what’s got your panties in a twist, hon?” she asked, a smirk playing on her naturally red lips.
“You,” you retorted.
“And what do you want me to do about those panties?” she closed her book, setting it on her night stand. God, why did she say it like that?
“I can’t sleep.”
“Why’s that?” she knows why; she’s got you wrapped around her dainty little finger.
“You kissed me,” you said quickly.
“Uh, correction. I kissed your neck,” she swung her legs over the edge of the bed to stand up.
“You- you, you put your hands on me. And- and, and you stopped.”
“Because you said to,” she walked up to you, making your stomach flip.
“I didn’t really mean it,” you whispered shyly.
“Really?” she whispered back.
“Do you want me to put my hands on you again?” she asked seductively.
You hesitated refusing to look her in those perfect green eyes because you know you fall when you do.
“Look at me and use those big girl words,” she whispered, her breath fanning across your face.
“Please,” you whimpered.
“Please what?” she teased.
You looked up at her letting out a shaky breath. You were about to pass the point of no return and looking into those hypnotizing sage eyes you wanted nothing more than to let her have her way with you.
“Please kiss me,” you whimpered.
Nat grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you flushed against her body kissing you feverishly. Your eyes fluttered closed, moving your lips with hers. Her hands ran up under your shirt ghosting your skin making your skin burst into chills. You practically trembled under her cold hands.
“Красотка,” she whispered against your lips.
“Huh?’ you mumbled dazed and confused by the sudden change of dialect; that was very hot keep in mind.
“абсолютно очаровательны,” she chuckled.
“Wha-?” you stuttered. What the fuck just happened?
She lifted her hands up your body as did you, lifting you shirt off your body. She practically growled at the sight of your breasts. She leaned down, licking along the valley of your breasts peering up at you with those big eyes you loved so much.
She kneeled to the ground pulling your pajama bottoms down your legs torturously slowly. You wiggled your knees back and forth whining at her teasing but she simply nipped and kissed your legs chuckling at your eagerness. She rubbed your legs softly standing up and rested her hands on your hips.
“You are so beautiful,” she tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.
“Thank you,” you said timidly.
“Come here, Красотка,” you followed her to the bed and you excitedly crawled to the center. Nat stayed standing smirking at your hypnotized expression as she peeled her shirt off her body and dragged her shorts and panties down her legs. She crawled to you with a playful smile on her lips and sat directly in front of you.
You grinned climbing onto her lap kissing her softly. Her hands ran lightly up your back as her lips moved smoothly against yours. You could feel her perky nipples brushing yours pulling soft moans from you. Her hand made its way into your hair tugging the strands to pull your head back. Her lips instantly falling to the skin of your neck sucking marking you as hers. Your breathing became static and heavy and Nat chuckled at your inexperience.
“Tell me, Y/n, have you ever been with a woman before?” she whispered in your ear, her breath making you shiver.
You shook your head.
“Words, Красотка,” she gripped your chin harshly.
“No; never,” you whispered.
“Oh, I’m gonna have fun with you, little one,” she chuckled darkly.
“Oh god,” you moaned.
“You want mommy to show you a good time?” she snickered.
“Please.”
“Lay back, baby. Mommy’s gonna be right back,” she said kissing you softly. Your stomach fluttered as you patiently waited laying on her incredibly soft bed. You turned your head to watch her leave ever so elegantly; her bottom swaying teasingly as she disappeared into her closet. She walked out with a huge strap and some silk ties and your legs started to shake from excitement? Fear? Both? Yeah, both.
“Safe word?”
“Milf,” you said cheekily, making her laugh out loud.
“Funny.” she mocked, shaking her head.
“Arms up. You let me know if it gets too much ok?” she said cupping your face sweetly.
“Ok; mommy,” you grinned before she kissed you quickly.
She moved up your body straddling your waist to tie the silk ropes around your wrists and the bedframe. You could feel the warmth from her core grinded against you and you felt yourself grow hot under her and bit your lip shyly. She peered down at your flustered state and smirked, proudly seeing you already squirming haven’t even laid a finger on you. She tugged harshly on the knots making sure you had nowhere to go and your stomach flipped when you tested it and you were unable to move your arms from their newfound position.
“Are you gonna tie my legs too?” you asked.
“We’ll take it easy the first night?” First night?
She stood at the foot of the bed staring lustfully into your eyes as she put on the strap, settling comfortably around her hips. She spit in her hand before wrapping it around the standing faux cock pumping and coating it with her saliva. You couldn't help the way you instinctively squeezed the thighs shut in an attempt to relieve yourself.
“Open those pretty legs sweetie. Let mommy take a look at your gorgeous pussy,” her words made you moan softly as you complied.
“So beautiful,” she whispered, almost to herself but you could hear her delicate words.
Her hands came up your thighs and placed them over her own. She brought her fingers down to your core and circled her finger around your entrance. You’ve been aroused since the moment she first pressed her lips against your skin downstairs; to say you were wet was an understatement, you were practically dripping already. She grinned devilishly before pushing her fingers past your folds slowly.
“We're gonna have to stretch you out if this fat cock is gonna fit inside you,” she told you.
You moaned feeling how cold her fingers were, but you loved it. Her thumb came up and pressed firmly against your clit before circling languidly. Your brows furrowed at the pleasure she was stimulating and you bit your lip trying your hardest to not moan like a pornstar.
“I wanna hear you, Красотка,” she pulled your bottom lip from between your teeth.
“Ugh, mommy. That feels so good,” you breathed out.
“Just wait til mommy gets to stuff her cock in this tight little pussy,” she practically growled. Her fingers moved faster in and out of you and you felt that familiar coil in the pit of your stomach, a feeling you often got when you thought about her with your hand between your thighs, starting to build.
“Ah shit, I’m gonna come, mommy!” you whined, tugging on the ropes.
“You wanna come? Come for mommy, Красотка,” she whispered.
Your stomach tightened and your legs squeezed tightly around her waist as you gushed all over her fingers. When you slowly came down from your first orgasm, she brought her fingers to her mouth sucking them clean. Her enchanting green eye locked with yours as she did so; god that was so hot.
“So fucking sweet,” she moaned. She grabbed her faux cock and rubbed the tip along your entrance and you jolted at the feeling.
“You gotta breathe baby, breathe,” she pushed her hips forward and your body tensed up at the stretching her cock was doing to you. Her hands grabbed your waist as she slowly began thrusting her hips in and out. You back arched off the bed; becoming a moaning mess under the stunning redhead.
Nat held a blissful expression watching you write beneath her. It had been so long since she’s ravished another in her bed. And she’s kept an eye on you for a while. You were this sweet little thing that walked through the elevator doors back home in New York and Nat knew she wanted you.
She’s always known and saw the way you let your eyes linger. The way you stuttered when she asked you a question. The way you’d instantly freeze when she grazed her fingers over your waist, or pressed her hand on your lower back to get past you for whatever. Most of the time it was just an excuse to get close to you.
You made her feel young again. Reminded here what it was like to be desired by another woman. She knew you would never muster up the courage to actually make some sort of move, especially since you are always with Stacy. Tonight was a perfect opportunity and it terrified her for that moment that she had fucked up and scared you off. She really cared about you and for you; and hurting you was damn near about to kill the woman.
“You're taking mommy’s cock so well, Красотка,” she cupped your face.
You started grunting and whining practically yanking at the restraints. Grinding your hips in rhythm with her thrust desperately chasing your second release. God, the woman made you come once and now you’re completely and utterly addicted to her.
“Now, don’t get greedy, little one. Mommy’s giving all she can; do you need to be punished? I can walk away-”
“No! Please, mommy! Don’t leave me, please,’ tears brimmed your ears; you didn’t even want to think about not being her arms right now.
“Ok, then be a good girl and stop whining like a little brat. Is that what you are? Just a greedy whore desperate for mommy’s cock?” her words made you moan and squirm even more.
“No, I’m sorry mommy,” you choked out.
“Oh, Красотка,” she sighed.
She quickly pulled out, making you almost scream. You quickly let out a string of apologies but she simply grabbed your hips and flipped you over to your stomach. She brought her hand up and striked down smacking your cheek so loud it frightened you. However the sting felt so delicious and you shudder secretly wanting more. Her hand ran up your back grabbing your hair harshly to pull your head back; her body molding perfectly against you as she spoke in your ear.
“Красотка, mommy wanted to go easy on you tonight but if you want to act like a whore, you’ll get fucked like one.”
“Fuck!” you cried when she rutted her hips back into you from behind.
Her hand grabbed the globes of your ass, kneading the hot flesh from her spanks. Your upper body was being propped by your elbows until Nat hit a particular spot inside you that made you collapse. Nat smiled proudly to herself, continuing to drive her hips into you.
“Красотка, I can tell you want to come,” she said.
“Yes! Please, mommy let me come! Your cock feels so good,” you moaned muffled by the sheets your face was buried in.
“Go ahead, Красотка. Let go all over Mommy’s cock,” she granted.
“Fuck!” you back arched and your head was thrown back; your toes curled.
You practically trembled feeling Nat’s faux cock hit deeper inside you than any other partner, which wasn’t many to begin with, had ever reached before. Your eyes rolled so far back you felt like you were about to pass out. You’ve never been in such a euphoria high quite like this before and it was overwhelming. Tears flowed down your cheeks as you cried Nat’s name until everything went black for a moment.
You pried your tired eyes open realizing you were tucked closely by Nat’s side.
“There she is,” Nat cooed.
“I didn’t hurt, did I?” she asked softly.
“No, I feel great,” you giggled.
“You did so well, Красотка,” she kissed your forehead, cuddling you closer.
“What does that mean? The name you called me,” you asked.
“It means ‘beautiful girl’,” she whispered looking into your eyes.
Fucking hell, you were falling in love with this woman more and more with every passing second. You casted your eyes away shyly but she cupped your face and made you look at her again.
“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” she teased.
“I know it might be wrong, but I’m in love with Stacy’s mom,” you told her.
She smiled softly before kissing you passionately, literally taking your breath away. No other words were exchanged. You simply closed your eyes and basked in what could be the only night you get to spend with someone as perfect as Natasha.
==================
ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ: (For all my work)
@mathletemadison​
@buckybarnes101​
@l-sofiamia-l
@pluto-grl
@partr1dge
@stefans-wife
ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ: (Natasha’s Fics)
@natasha-danvers
@fayhar
@mitchiesdungeon
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lasquadrasfuckhouse · 3 years ago
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since i've been talking a lot about my hcs for la squadra's backgrounds i figured i would drop what i've thought of so far for risotto 👀
as a heads up there will be talk of ❗catholic trauma, familial death, and grief❗
prefacing this: so i saw an idea somewhere once that risotto and mariah are related b/c their stands both deal w/ magnetism and they both have white hair and then i made a mental exercise to play around with the idea of how that would actually Work but then the idea stuck lol
so they're half siblings and mariah is like, 5 or 6 years older? they have the same dad. he and mariah's mom separated on good terms and he eventually moved to sicily for work but went back n forth a lot to still be active in mariah's life
which is where he met risotto's mama. risotto was born and raised in siracusa but the family went to cairo a lot and likewise mariah and her mama would come visit too
so risotto's family life may have been unconventional (especially considering it was the 70s in a catholic country and his parents weren't married, nero is his mama's last name) but was very happy. he had good and loving parents, he and his sister loved each other a lot, their moms got along really well and mariah's mama was very nice to risotto too and vice versa, it was all pretty chill!!!!
maybe a few months (or a few years) later some wreckage washed ashore that could be identified as part of their vessel, but that's the most closure risotto had. he knows in his heart that they're dead because they were good parents, they would never have abandoned him and mariah. he doesn't blame the sea though and he's not afraid of it, it's just nature, and nature happens sometimes.
but when risotto was about 8 or 9, his parents were lost at sea. not sure if they were on a ferry and there was a freak storm and there were others that were lost too or they just liked to sail or what, but their boat pretty much vanished and they were never found.
so as presumably, probably, an orphan, he was taken in by his maternal grandparents in the sicilian countryside and lost contact with mariah and her mama. his grandparents had also taken in his older cousin prior to that too so it was the two of them being raised in the middle of bumfuck nowhere by their grandparents.
and their grandparents were, hm. Not Great. they were pretty hardcore catholics who ran a strict house, made ris and his cousin go to church whether they liked it or not, tried to instill them both with Catholic Guilt™️, were very conservative, kinda broadly fucked up and controlling etc. it was just, not an emotionally healthy environment.
risotto's mama probably moved away for a reason 😬 they were definitely aghast that their daughter had a child out of wedlock and it wouldn't surprise me if they had this notion of having to '''save''' risotto from '''sin'''. which probably made him feel like something was wrong with him, which he thankfully knew wasn't true because his early childhood was happy and healthy enough to give him that perspective, but it hurt nonetheless.
he and his cousin were each other's confidants and partners in crime, they loved each other so damn much and were always looking out for each other. often it was big cousin looking out for baby ris cause he was like ~5 years older but risotto wanted to be there for him too.
they got up to a lot of trouble as kids in small towns in the middle of nowhere do and it was stupid as hell but fun and freeing. authoritarian houses make good sneaks and good liars and the two of them definitely lived up to that. risotto also couldn't help but feel a sense of pride and love when he did what he pleased and tried his best to live freely because he felt like it brought him closer to his parents in spirit.
as soon as big cousin graduated the two of them hit the road and moved to palermo, against their grandparents' wishes. they shared a shitty cheap apartment that felt like a damn mansion to them cause they could do whatever they wanted and just live their lives.
they lived there for about a year before risotto's cousin was killed and he felt like the fucking world crumbled from beneath him. he viewed it very differently from his parents' deaths: one was nature, one was some asshole who couldn't be considerate to the people around him and now risotto's best friend is dead.
so he was back with his grandparents but without his cousin and he was pretty fucking miserable, but he refused to just be sad for himself, he was sad for his cousin first and foremost and couldn't stop thinking about him. and he was angry. big cousin had his whole life ahead of him that was cut short, he was a whole person with dreams who loved and was loved, and this guy only gets four years in prison and then could just go back to his life like nothing had happened when his cousin wasn't alive anymore? no. it wasn't right. risotto refused to let that go unresolved.
and that thought is what kept him going but he still ran away a lot, didn't bother with school unless he thought it could help him, etc. he became sort of numb to his grandparents and the irony of plotting revenge in his head while he was made to sit in church wasn't lost on him.
he probably dropped out and left his grandparents' place by the time he was 17 and he hasn't spoken with them since, went back to palermo, and went from there with his plotting. that's how he got involved with passione.
he got vengeance for his cousin at 18, and it was at least something, but yeah, he realized it would never be enough and the pain stayed. not that he regretted it in the slightest tho, he can still sleep a little easier and feels like he can do.... something aside from just being consumed by it.
but then he was indebted to passione for their help with getting risotto to the guy, risotto took it in stride cause again, he didn't regret it, and the rest is history.
not to say he's necessarily happy or satisfied being in passione tho, but he accepts it and works with it. he doesn't really think about what he'd like to do cause this is what he just.... does.
he tries to visit his cousin's grave in palermo every year for his birthday (and maybe throws some flowers into the ocean for his parents too, they left from the opposite coast but he figures the water will carry his intentions where they need to go). he would be perfectly happy to never see or hear from his grandparents again. once as an adult (and with gang connections) he realized he could try to track down his sister again, but decided against it. not only because he's not sure if she would accept him for who he became (he can't stand the thought of her rejecting or being afraid of him), but if he put her in harm's way, he would never forgive himself.
he doesn't know mariah is also a stand user, nor her involvement with dio or who the fuck dio even is or basically the whole mess of stardust crusaders. but she IS alive, she got very injured but is alive. maybe once giorno becomes boss, gets in touch w/ his joestar family and the speedwagon foundation etc all the little strings start coming together and risotto and mariah can find each other again. and she very much does love her big baby brother and wouldn't even dream of rejecting him. so they can be brother and sister again and it's really lovely and healing :')
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thegeminisage · 3 years ago
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top 5 moments in broken road?
i literally waited until now to answer these ask meme questions so i could do this w/o spoilers. anyway time to do an ask meme i got questions for THREE ENTIRE WEEKS ago
#5 - "my girl" john/mary reunion
Mary rushes forward into John's waiting arms. He gathers her up and holds her close, pressing kiss after kiss into her hair, tears running down his face. "My girl," he says, in aching disbelief, drawing back to cup her face in his hands. "My girl." She laughs through her own tears, and when he smooths one gun-calloused thumb under her eye she turns her face into his hand, and then he draws her close and kisses her, like they're the only two people left in the whole wide world.
look. am i valid? no. but they compel me. to them their story is just as real and longlasting as dean/cas is to us. so i added a little gutpunch to that reunion because it’s my fic and i get to do what i want >:) actually, even though i made a point of calling john “dad” and mary “mom” in dean’s pov, in this moment, i deliberately used their names - it’s more than just mom and dad, it’s theee john and mary winchester back together after all these years. no, they don’t stay that way, but after a 22-year quest in her name, it still deserves to be like a Reunion. 
(other four are below the cut to spare ur dashes. there are major spoilers for the whole fic, just warning u)
#4 - john getting punched by [SPOILER]
Dean's shoves his father with all his might, yelling, "Let go of me!" Partially because even though just moments ago the dungeon was exactly where he wanted to be, he absolutely doesn't want Dad to be the one to put him there, partially because he's afraid that Michael is about to break free from that cage in his head and vaporize everybody in firing range, and partially because he's afraid that if Dad doesn't let go, Cas will kill him.
But Dean's only got one hand free, and Dad's grip is too strong. Michael and sleep deprivation have made Dean weak; he can't get away from Dad on his own.
Then, when Cas is still just out of arm's reach, Sam lays into Dad with the fiercest right hook Dean's ever seen.
Dean knows that right hook well. That's one of the first moves Dad taught him, one Dad forced him to practice a thousand miserable times—how to stand, when to turn, where to throw his weight—until he honed it to absolute unthinking perfection. And it is perfect: Sam nails Dad right on the jaw with all six feet and change of muscle, sending him staggering back, his grip on Dean slipping free.
Dad slumps against the wall for a moment like he's literally seeing stars, like it's all he can do not to pass out. His nose looks like it might be broken. Dean rounds on his brother; if he was expecting Dean to thank him for that, he's going to be disappointed. "What the hell, Sam?"
But Sam's looking at Dad, not at Dean. "He said," Sam pants, "to let go of him."
i’m normally very anti-punching john, but i feel like if anybody has the right to do it, it’s sam. he’s spent his whole life being protected from john by dean and he finally gets to return the favor! all his problems are solved because he’s literally the bigger man now in every way! i doubt sam would ever punch john on his own behalf, but it is UTTERLY in character for him to do it in defense of someone else, but i bet it was pretty fucking cathartic too. picking sam moments in this fic is like picking children but this...you know, it wasn’t even in my outline. it happened organically as i wrote. and it just. feels right.
#3 - sam telling john to clean up his mess
"Seriously, Dad—we've had enough of your lip service. You're sorry? You want to help? Clean up your mess."
What? John frowns. Does he mean Dean?
But, no—Sam twists and picks up an actual mop and bucket from the corner behind him. The bucket is full of red-tinted water. "Go in the kitchen," he says, "and if Dean says you can use the sink, run some clean water with bleach. We gotta get the blood off the floor, because the longer it stays there, the worse it'll stain—especially on the hardwood."
"Uh," says John.
Then Sam gives him a severe, no-nonsense look that nearly punches the breath from John's lungs—because for the very first time, he sees his Mary in that stubbornly unimpressed face. "Do you understand? This isn't a motel. You can't expect someone else to do it for you. Don't go in the kitchen," Sam says slowly, enunciating every word, "unless you're going. To clean up. Your mess. You want room service—there's the fucking door."
THERE’S THE FUCKING DOOR. i love this bc firstly i believe in man of the house sam and secondly it falls into the same thing of like...sam is finally big and strong enough to protect dean and by god he will make himself an impassable 6′4 between this man and his brother. i think especially since finding out about flagstaff, DOUBLY since becoming a parent, sam is like...so less than impressed with john’s bullshit, and even more impatient than he already was of john’s stupid excuses. 
there’s also this motif of cleaning throughout the fic - in john and sam’s very first scene alone together, they are washing dishes. at first this was a nod to sam and dean doing it in lebanon - dean washing, sam drying - but washing is the “hard” part of doing the dishes; when my mom taught me how to do them i began learning by drying first. so of course dean has been washing and letting sam dry all their lives - almost literally, because john talks pretty early on about dean being a neat freak too, because john simply wouldn’t pick up after himself but still hated the mess. there’s a few mentions of it in the fic, how john liked being able to leave a mess behind in their motel rooms, how he’d prop his feet on the table - but in season 10, it’s sam on his knees scrubbing the bloodstained floors after dean’s murder spree, and in broken road sam makes john wash the dishes, and at the end, sam makes him mop. @maulthots put it best:
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like that’s it. that's literally it. and then, finally, john offers to clean up on his own without being asked. that’s Growth™, at least in whatever way he’s capable of it. at any rate, he’s too afraid of getting hit again to NOT clean up after himself lol
#2 - dean/cas car scene [content warning for nsfw and discussion of past sexual violence - scroll down to #1 if you’d like to skip it!]
Cas lets go of Dean, but it's to reposition his hands on Dean's knees, slide those huge palms up Dean's thighs. Dean feels the heat of them bleeding through his jeans. Then, holy shit, Cas rests his thumbs on Dean's belt buckle, and makes eye contact.
Dean wets his lips, a little uncertain. He has no idea what Cas is going to do. "Yeah, okay," he croaks.
Cas leans in and kisses him again while he undoes Dean's belt. Like—fuck, like he knew Dean wouldn't want to watch. Dean hears the zipper on his fly, and all at once it clocks that, yeah, okay, this is really happening. Heart thudding in his ears, Dean reflexively lifts his hips so Cas can pull his jeans off. But Cas only slides them down a little. Then he reaches into Dean's boxers and gets a hand around his dick.
Oh. A small, quiet noise drops out of Dean into Cas's mouth, and he turns out of the kiss, panting as Cas pulls him out of his clothes. He's not sure what he was expecting, but this is okay. Just a handjob—he can handle that. It's good, actually. A little dry, but Cas has a light touch, and Dean has decided that he likes Cas's hands. He knows the shape of them very well.
i really enjoyed writing this whole scene, but this was my favorite part. cas technically does get dean’s consent, which was important to cas and a little bit of a big deal for dean too, but dean didn’t ask what cas was going to do before giving that consent, because he almost...doesn’t care? like, dean’s previous experiences with men were all lousy at best, and violent and traumatizing at worst, and arguably none of them were 100% consensual. so part of him is figuring that whatever happens will be within that spectrum, and he’ll just deal with it being awful no matter what it is because he almost literally can’t picture it not being awful. he's not doing it because he likes fucking men or expects he’ll like fucking cas, he’s doing because he wants to be close to cas, he wants to be away from michael and his dad, and because if he and cas are together now that’s part of the package and he’s just done the full “for keeps” commitment bit, so he’s not gonna pussy out now, right? he trusts cas not to actually harm him, and be closer to “lousy” than “violent,” but he is, in his mind, basically giving cas consent to hurt him, because to him that’s what sex with men IS. and he’s understandably pretty nervous because he doesn’t know what’s going to happen - all he’s sure of is that he won’t like it. 
but then he does like it! he likes it a lot! trusting cas turns out to be the correct choice! because if cas had turned him down in that moment, trying to baby him or second guess him, i think dean would have felt really hurt and angry and embarrassed, he would have felt like he was broken or untouchable. which is why cas took him at his word, but ALSO did pretty much the most tame thing you can do and still count it as having sex. so cas managed to thread the needle perfectly because he knows dean so well and he’s literally been inside his mind and witnessed that trauma and knew everything to avoid doing. so for dean it wound up being TRULY consensual instead of the sort of fake consent he’s used to handing out to johns. if that makes any sense. idk i just really enjoyed doing it. i think a valid reading is that dean has this physical fear of men that is just...not explored very much in fic. and it was nice to write something where cas was sort of able to undo or heal a little of that damage. 
#1 - michael
No, no, no—we can't die—we can't die, we are eternal, we are our Father's most beloved, His favorite son—
No no no no no no no no no—I can't die—I can't die—
Light fills the room, reflecting in Dean's eyes making them look as though they glow. And for the very first time, John sees him. John sees him, John sees him, John sees him—
Where is my Father? Is He watching? Can He see me?
Father, help me, I beg You—please, I don't want to die—
I don't want to die—
i could honestly paste the entire michael scene here, there’s not a thing about it i don’t love, but this was probably my favorite part. and look, i waited NINE YEARS to see michael!dean, i deserved to go apeshit!!! i think the fun thing about michael is that he’s a great foil to both john and dean, the literal connecting tissue, especially when he’s hopping bodies like that. he’s dean’s aggressor but he’s also dean’s twisted reflection, nearly broken by his father’s absence. it was impossible for john to see dean as he really is until michael let him see it through dean’s own eyes.
and then “i” at the end - i knew going in that i wanted a “we” pronoun (though i almost chickened out of it), because michael’s in charge but he’s also making his vessel do things with him, like laugh or scream or hurt people. but when michael dies, he’s alone figuratively and literally, because john’s not dying with him, and his own father has forsaken him too - and that’s the way dean so often felt, and FEELING that was probably the only thing that could possibly give john the motivation to be even slightly less self-centered and shitty. 
michael was my whole reason for writing this fic - because i was livid they didn’t use him to tie dean and john together in canon, because the burden of being his vessel is just one more thing dean had to take...this whole chapter, this whole fic, hinged entirety on the batshit insane dynamic between michael and dean and john. and like there are parts of this fic i was insecure about and wished i could have done better, but this? i think i nailed it. definitely the part i had the most fun writing. 
but like, honorable mention?
"Dude," Dean says, flipping on his blinker so he can pull up beside the local grocery, "can we not do any touchy-feely shit, please? That's—"
"Gay?" Sam suggests.
"Get out of my car."
>:)
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jamaiskookie · 4 years ago
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bangtan headcanon: OT7 IN HIGH SCHOOL 📓✂️
☞ genre; fluff, crack
☞ warnings; excessively stupid
masterlist  u wanna talk to highschool!bangtan?
《KIM SEOKJIN》
class clown
always manages to sneak kimbap in class, and stuffs his face despite being in the front row. 
he’s alarmingly good at sneaking food into places. 
cafeteria ladies love jin so much. 
and every christmas he brings in his perfected sugar cookies and never shares them.
(he’s in the cooking club)
((he’s the only one in the cooking club))
will interrupt the teacher to make a bad joke. 
“yes so helium is the fo- oh yes seokjin?“
“i was reading an excellent book about helium, i couldn’t put it down!! ahHAHAHHYUKHYUKAHHAHAHHA“ 
nobody’s?? really sure?? if he’s dating namjoon or not?? it’s the schools biggest mystery, there’s currently a betting pool going on worth about $500
likes to annoy namjoon and yoongi about holding bake sales. 
is surprisingly good at planning parties?? but never hosts them?? hoseok always gets him to plan his parties and he even planned prom!!
he’s particularly proud with the theme he came up with. 
‘zombie meets elegance‘ 
it was actually pretty nicely pulled off (much to the shock of the entire student body) 
《MIN YOONGI》
student council president 
takes his job very!! seriously!! 
fights with the principal on funding daily. 
doesn’t come to school without coffee and resting bitch face.
even the teachers are afraid of this short little emo boy. 
is the only one who actually wears the school uniform properly with the little tie and jacket because that’s how you show school spirit. 
definitely that closeted gay in high school who thinks nobody knows about his homosexuality when in fact, everyone knows.
(nobody has the guts to bring it up to him though)
“hyung why are you staring at jimin’s as-“
 “-NO WHY GET BACK TO WORK” 
actually enjoys doing morning announcements. 
“make sure to check out jin’s dumb bake sale i think he’s selling brownies for some charitable reason anYWAYS time for min’s advice column!!“ 
min’s advice column is yoongi’s free therapy. namjoon suggested adding an advice column to the school paper so now yoongi just judges his classmates’s decisions gives subpar advice. 
“i personally think you have no chance with this girl, but you’re clearly hell bent on asking her out. it’s a dumb choice. good luck.“ 
《JUNG HOSEOK》
fuckboy
throws obnoxious parties at his parent’s huge ass mansion. 
somehow?? is?? the nicest? playboy??? evER??
will respect your girl’s boundaries but also would 300% hit on her when you’re not looking. 
aftercare king wILL cuddle with you and help you clean up or whatever until jimin eventually comes in screaming. 
his school id says “hobi 💦👅” ... noone knows how he managed to do it (taehyung thinks he seduced the secretary) 
surprisingly good at romance even though he deTests dating
“it’s a waste of time, money, and ass.“  “- what?”
gives everyone dating advice whether they want it or nOt- he lives his *shhh very secret* romantic fantasies through his best friends. 
once helped taehyung ask out his girlfriend... they’re still going strong!!
defo has daddy issues that he never talks about,, maybe if a girl finds it sexc™️ in that kind of messed-up-bad-boy-she-could-fix vibe he’ll bring it up
kinda failing science lmao he probably needs a tutor.. but will never admit he needs a tutor for sake of his pride. 
most definitely has had sex in the janitor’s closet a couple times, up until yoongi caught him once, reported him to the school board and got him suspended... for a month. 
(yoongi has no regrets, that was the best month of his life.)
《KIM NAMJOON》
student vice president
honestly would probably be the council president and is the most qualified for it but can’t be bothered.
plus he hates public speaking and the president has to speak at assemblies.  
genuinely enjoys learning!! bUT HATES GROUP PROJECTS
because every single fucking time taehyung and jimin pester him about teaming up and he ends up doing like 75% of the work.
not because anyone forces him to or anything.
it’s because jimin and tae are such dumbasses every time they finish their work namjoon has a sudden uRGE TO REDO ALL OF IT BC THEY GOT IT WRONG.
tries to take all AP subjects.
gives up and drops half of them by the second semester.
great student but also will “no yoongi i don’t want to fucking play basketball i've been awake for thirty hours trying to finish this goddamn essay that’s due tomorrow. wHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY DIDN’T I DO IT EARLIER I WAS BUSY TAKING CARE OF MY BONSAI TREES.“
started the school paper!! it’s called “persona post”
writes about actual relevant things like political events and global problems, but everyone else just writes about school gossip *sigh*
although that one column examining hobi’s sex and dating life was a pretty fun piece of writing to read through. 
he sits in the back of the classroom and never raises his hand even though he knows the answer like 95% of the time.
definitely has a crush on seokjin
《PARK JIMIN》
the one everyone has a crush on
and when i say everyone i mean everyone, even hoseok has had a crisis over park jimin. 
(jungkook is definitely president of his fan club) ((in case it wasn’t clear, he’s dating jungkook))
school’s golden boy, basically gets away with everything with a bat of an eye... and the most infuriating thing is he doesn’t even realise it. 
“omg jimin!! you’re so cute!! this shirt looks sO good on you, can i touCH?” “omg thank you i didn’t think it fit well because it’s my boyfriends but that’s so sweet!!” “boy... hm?”
mom friend: sweetest bitch alive and is always worrying about his friends but everyone knows he’s secretly really fucking kinky.
(again, jungkook has no comment)
the kind of person who celebrates christmas in june. 
literally- he starts putting decorations in his locker and around the school mid june. by november, he’s wearing reindeer ears to school.
*lowkey kind of a nerd* genuinely enjoys studying with namjoon.
“well, studying with anybody else is just too stressful!! plus, namjoon’s so chill. he doesn’t look like it but he actually is super sweet and nice!!!“
“... please take those reindeer ears off, it’s embarrassing.“ 
half of the school would probably cut off an arm to sleep with him. seriously, he gets offers like everYDAY it’s kinda getting tiRING
is considering starting a youtube channel where he just takes videos of all the dogs and babies he meets throughout the day. 
“idk i think vlogging would be fun“
《KIM TAEHYUNG》
art hoe
nEVER FUCKING STUDIES OR PAYS ATTENTION BUT GETS DECENT GRADES.
the definition of bisexual mess, WILL trip when he sees hot people.
exclusively wears wired gold glasses and soft neutral sweaters to school. if it’s a good day he’ll wear a beanie. on special occasions he’ll maybe throw in some fUN loafers.
dyes his hair to match ~the vibes~ of that season. the most recent wild hair colour is cool toned teal. 
jungkook said he looks like leprechaun shit, but tae really likes it. 
tried to go vegan countless times, failed each and every one when he passed by a mc donalds. 
carries his sketchbook wherever he goes. he has that thing around 24/7, 100% would not be surprised if he slept with it under his pillow.
really quiet until he has a point to make;; like that time where he launched into a three hour screaming lecture on how phineas and ferb is an animated masterpiece.
drinks tea purely for the aesthetic of it. 
goes to hipster coffee shops to pretend to study... ends up watching barbie movies and critiquing them on the writing blog that he thinks nobody knows about. 
watches anime in class (he recently rewatched all of ATLA for the third time,, failed his econ class but worth it!!1!!1)
《JEON JUNGKOOK》
preppy jock
once again, everyone is attracted to him, but he’s so whipped for jimin everyone’s crush fades away once they talk to him because-
“oh it’s so cool that you have a dog!! you know, i think jimin kind of looks like a pomeranian sometimes it’s sO CUTE- hm? oh jimin’s my boyfriend.“
... it’s disgustingly adorable. 
plays almost every sport and is somehow always the team captain. not out of obligation or with leadership skills or anything, everyone else just votes for him. 
mess with his friends and he’ll put a stink bomb in your locker. 
his nickname is “golden baby” because he’s good at everything, teachers love him so much. 
grades? sTELLAR. sports? he’s done them ALL. creativity? pAINTED THE SCHOOL MURAL. service? volunteers at a pet shelter whenever he can (the bunnies love him for some reason) 
everyone either is 
a) in love w him, wants to fuck
b) jealous of him but is also secretly gay for him
pretends to not know how talented and cool he is and plays it off super cool
proceeds to fail, the only thing he’s bad at is humble bragging. 
“wow omg lol i got a 100 on my bio test and yesterday i got a hole in one in golf, my first time playing it but it’s chill i guess hahhah day in my life amirite.“
**this headcanon is the start of the bangtan school series, stay tuned**
wanna be tagged in school series or my writing? here or send me an ask
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mymymadeline · 4 years ago
Text
•Friendly Dark
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gif by: @chrishemsworht​​
pairing: Hallmark Christmas Movie Au! Poe Dameron x Reader 
word count: 6.9k+ words 
summary: 
warnings: alcohol cw
Adore You series: 01, 02, 03, 04, ... - AO3
Even though you’re on vacation, you are far from exempt from your work. And nothing is proving that more than the headache you nurse as you continue pouring over document after document on your tablet. Numbers and figures, charts and graphs, blueprints and sketches, even interviews and gossip articles – they’re all blending together after staring at the screen for what’s likely been hours. 
Snoke’s call the night before was not a social one – they never are. He was going on about some acquisition Kylo’s been trying to make for the past few months, and apparently, he was missing something crucial, which is where you usually come in. The two of you have always been a team for a reason. He was more of the passion and ideas, whereas you were better with relations and logistics. 
Snoke had immediately sent over hundreds of digital files for you to go through and find… well something. Most likely some kind of professional blackmail. Some kind of small violation or incident that would really be such a shame if it came to the media's attention. You know, the usual. 
So far, everything they’ve done is up to code, as far as you can tell. But Snoke won’t take no for an answer. He’d have your head for it. So you continue looking through page after page, searching for some dirt, searching for any kind of upper hand on the competition. 
After coming back in that night while on the phone with Snoke, you blew past your parents and went straight up to your room, where you’ve been for almost the entirety of this Sunday. You couldn’t even face them after that absolute embarrassment of an evening. And though this morning you did stalk around the house if only to get a thing or two to eat, you pointedly ignored your mother, only giving your father a small silent nod of acknowledgment. 
Stealing away to your room for a full day of silent, frustrating work was not exactly your idea of a fun vacation back home, but neither was last night. Just the thought of running into Poe again makes you squeeze your eyes shut in embarrassment and stress. He probably thinks you’re an idiot now. Probably never wants to see you again. And who could blame him if he did? 
If you were a different woman, you’d probably have shed a few embarrassed tears in the solitude of your room, but that wasn’t you. Not anymore. So you rub your eyes once again, and get back to work.
You’re back to staring at a tax filing by the company’s CEO from seventeen years ago when a notification pops up at the top of your screen.
Unknown Number
hey! its rose! i got ur number from when you called the shop lol hope thats not creepy
i was wondering if ur busy tonight? i was thinking of getting drinks w/ some friends at Kanata’s! wanna come? i can pick u up since ur ride is chopped ;)
You blink back at the notification. Drinks? At Kanata’s? 
You can’t remember the last time you actually went out with a group of friends, especially for fun. Taking clients you and Kylo were wooing out to dinner was a common occurrence. But fun? They were never.
Another wave of anxiety washes over you. Friends? Who were these friends? Would they like you? Did you know them? Maybe it would be better to just stay and finish your work. Nothing could go wrong if you did that.
You open the message, absolutely ready to type an excuse why you can’t come, when there’s a gentle knock at your door. You already recognize it as your mother by the way she knocks even before she calls out gently. 
“Love? You in there?”
“I’m here.” You leave your voice flat and emotionless. You need her to know you’re still mad.
“Can… Can I come in?” 
‘No��� dances on the tip of your tongue for a strong moment, but the uncertainty in her soft voice gives you pause. 
“...Okay.”
The door clicks open slowly and your mother pokes her head in, a small, nervous smile affecting her features. You only look at her blankly from your nest of blankets and pillows that have been on your bed since high school.
She steps more fully into the room, closing the door behind her most of the way. She leaves it open just a little, giving the both of you some air to breathe, but also, in a way, making sure not to lock herself in a cage with a wounded animal. 
And she approaches you like one–cautious, hands visible and apologetic. You huff, curled up in the corner of your bed, and try to look anywhere but at her. But she’s hard to avoid as she sits gently on the far edge of your bed and pulls her hands into her lap, looking down and rolling them over one another contemplatively. You two sit like this for a moment, simmering in the uncomfortable tension, but like hell you’re the one with anything to apologize for. 
She lets out a deep sigh. “I’m… so, so sorry… about my behavior last night. I suppose I just… wasn’t handling your absence as well as I thought I was.”
Despite the small sorrow your heart finds at her small and broken tone, the anger–rage even– that has been boiling since the night before claws desperately to be let out. You breathe deeply, and do your best to keep it still in its place. But that doesn’t exclude the fury that seeps into your quiet voice, as you level your gaze with hers.
“Mom, that was the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me in my entire professional career. I need you to know this.”
She nods understandingly and looks back to her fiddling hands. “Yes. I know. And I couldn’t be sorry enough. I realized...I– I don’t know how to be your mother anymore.” You blink at this. A terrible lurch in your gut crawls into your throat at the sight of the tears silently beginning their descent down her cheeks. “I don’t know what to do for you when you're a grown woman who’s accomplished so much on her own without me. I miss you, but I’m not really sure I know you anymore.”
She looks up suddenly at you, her face twisted with grief and regret.
“I didn’t mean it like that… I-”
You stop her, shaking your head, swallowing the lump in your throat, willing the sudden strange wetness in your eyes away. Your voice comes out more choked up than you wish. But whatever wall was up is quickly crumbling away.
“No… Mom, I think I understand.” You look down at your own hands now, picking at your nails nervously, silently discovering the lineage of this habit of yours. You smile sadly at the thought. “I feel that way too sometimes… about myself.”
“Oh, love.” Your mother reaches out, placing her hand on your foot, the only part of you she can reach, and squeezes it gently. She smiles sweetly, her eyes and cheeks still wet, though she’s wiped away the tears.
“You’re not my little girl anymore… but you’re still my daughter, and I’ll love you no matter what.”
You nod, suppressing a sniff as you rub at your nose. She squeezes your foot one more time before standing up and making her way back to the door. She reaches for the handle when you call out. 
“I love you, Mom.”
The smile she sends you is genuine, heartfelt, and warming to your core. It makes you realize how much you truly missed your mother, even if she had her difficulties. “I love you too, girlie.”
With that, she closes the door, leaving you alone with your tablet and the unanswered message. But you know your response now. 
Me
Sounds fun! Let me know what time. I’d love to come, if you’ll have me.
You begin entering Rose’s information into your contacts and her response is almost immediate.
Rose Tico
duuuh! ill get u at like 8ish? and we’ll meet them there! cant wait!
You look down at the message and can’t help but feel a little more at home. 
______________
 You run a hand through your hair, adjusting your outfit for the hundredth time. You’ve opted for something more casual tonight. Something a little more friendly, approachable. You suddenly frown at your reflection. You don’t need these people’s approval. Well, no. But it wouldn’t be so bad to be friendly for once would it?
The two voices in your head continue to battle it out, leaving you frozen in the mirror, desperately trying to understand how you feel in this moment. Anxious? Perhaps. Regretful of accepting this invitation? Maybe. 
Your phone chirps, lighting up on your desk. Glancing over, you see it’s Rose. You don’t need to read it to know it’s just her announcing her arrival, but you pick it up anyway, settling down on your bed and slipping on your shoes as you open the message.
Rose Tico
here!!! right in front lol
Me
One moment!
You lace up your boots quickly, practically sprinting out of your room and down the stairs, snatching up your long coat on the way. 
“I’m headed out, I won’t be back until you guys are already in bed. So, goodnight.”
You call out to the living room as you pull on the coat, your parents turning from their seats on the couch, eyeing you with interest.
“And where are you going this late, young lady?” Your father questions sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.
“Out with friends,” you rush, already halfway out the door, spotting Rose in her car and giving a small wave. “Love you, bye!”
Half-jogging down the steps, you cross quickly but cautiously through the snow-laden yard, careful not to slip. As you close the gate behind you, Rose is already opening the passenger door from the inside, beckoning you in.
“Get inside, it’s freezing!”
You allow yourself a small laugh and slide into the seat next to her. Pulling the door closed, you look around, taking in the space of the car, as she starts it back up and pulls away from the curb. 
Like most things in The Base, it’s worn and old, peeling and chafed, likely held together with duct tape and love. But despite all of its imperfections, it’s not only comfortable, it’s cozy. It’s warm and personal, every dent containing a story, every mile meaningful. 
You can’t help but think back to the chill rigid efficiency of your TIE. Sure, it gets the job done, and is mighty stylish while it does so, but you’ve never felt like it was yours. Never felt anything but cool indifference for its sleek lines and dark exterior. 
“So, you’re looking snazzy tonight.” Rose pulls you out of your thoughts with her cheery tone. 
You look down at your outfit, once again tugging at its hems. 
“Am I? I was actually trying to dress down.”
She laughs at that. “You think that’s dressing down? No way, this is dressing down.” She takes one hand off the wheel, gesturing at her own attire: A brown button-up with a sewn name tag and a pair of dark cargo pants. Likely the uniform she wore to work today. Her cool attitude and smooth voice put you at ease, and you can feel your guard begin to lower. 
“I like this on you,” you quietly praise. You pick at your nails, continuing, “Don’t take this the wrong way, please, but… I admire that you can wear clothes like that and feel comfortable. I feel like I have to dress up all the time, no matter what. I don’t know… I- Nevermind.”
You look up at Rose and she pulls her eyes away from the road for a moment to give you a meaningful look. She nods sympathetically, her previous lightness replaced by understanding. She realizes the weight of this seemingly minor admission.
“I get it, I do.” She gives you a soothing smile. “I just hope you can feel comfortable here… with us. We like having you back, even if just for a moment.”
Still smiling, she turns back to the wheel with a light shrug. “Plus, this isn’t Canto Bight. You’ll look great no matter what.”
You groan, half sardonic, half-serious. “Oh, please don’t remind me. You know, I thought I was a vulture, but those people,” you give an audible shiver. “They’re something else.”
Rose laughs melodically. “Oh, do tell.”
______________
 The ride to the bar is short, the car only really needed for warmth, but the company is appreciated. Rose laughs along to your story of once attempting to cover for Kylo’s drunken rage in front of investors, and while it was a very unamusing situation at the time, you find yourself chuckling with her. 
“Well, that’s why we don’t let him have Bespin Fizzes anymore.”
Rose giggles at that, before piping up in her seat a little. “There it is!”
The bar comes into view just ahead, a familiar neon sign reading Kanata’s hanging overhead a small brick building. The parking lot is compact, but practically full, reminding you just how small the town is, as Kanata’s is the only real bar in the whole Base, and as such, is the town’s favorite happy hour hangout. 
She leans up the dashboard, pointing to an old, grey, junky Corellian that’s as familiar to the town as the bar. 
“There’s the Falcon,” she points out with a smile, though you don’t need her to tell which car it is. “They’re here.”
You nod, smiling at the old hunk of junk fondly, before suddenly realizing what the Falcon’s presence implies. She pulls up to the spot next to it as you turn to her.
“Wait, we’re getting drinks with Han? ” You try not to sound upset, only curious, but Rose reads your panic easily. 
“No, silly,” she giggles, and seems to dodge the question, stepping out of the car. You quickly follow behind, stepping out into the chill night air. Closing the doors, Rose rounds the car and you trail next to her, past the Falcon and towards the bar's entrance. She continues her explanation without you having to ask. 
“About five years ago, Han gave the Falcon away.”
“He gave it away? Why would he do that? To who?” 
She pushes open the door, leading you into the dimly lit bar, which you only now realize with its unfamiliar interior, that you never stuck around to be old enough to actually enter it. The lights are low, yellow and red, but not unwelcoming, in fact creating a warm atmosphere. It’s brightest around the bar itself, with neon and string lights, as patrons sit on the stools, chatting over the low playing jukebox on the far side of the room. Near it are a couple of pool tables, busy with players in the middle of games. A few locals drink in booths against the walls, however Rose leads you towards the high tables and stools in the middle of the room. You’re scanning the bar for anyone you recognize when you finally see where she’s leading you– to the only couple occupying the tables, and your heart drops into your stomach as your fight or flight instinct kicks in. 
“To them!” Rose points but once again you don’t need her helpful hand to see what you need to.
At the table is a girl you don’t recognize with a sweet face and dark hair, but it’s the familiar face next to her that makes you want to run.
Finn, your old classmate, but more importantly your old employee, sits smiling and laughing, casual as anything. You knew Finn left First Order – on very bad terms, one would be remiss to forget – after a fateful trip home for somewhere less cutthroat and competitive, but you thought that meant somewhere like Alderaan. You didn’t think he’d come back, and you certainly didn’t think you’d actually see him here.  
Rose doesn’t notice your hesitation, continuing to pull you forward and calling out to her friends. She catches their attention, waving, and you brace for the moment of impact. 
Finn is going to be mad that you’re here. He’s going to be furious. He’s going to stand up and yell at Rose about how awful of a person you are and make sure nobody in this town will even so much as smile at you ever again. He’s going to laugh in your face and tell you to go back to Coruscant and you’ll do it because you’re so deeply embarrassed.
The girl turns first, smiling and waving back at Rose. She grins brightly at you as well, obviously unfamiliar but still friendly. Finn turns second with an easy expression, glancing at you briefly before doing a double-take. His face falls, but not into anger like you expect. It drops to confusion, like he’s making sure it’s you, which then turns into half-smug disbelief, a bewildered smile taking over his features. 
Finn speaks first. “No-freaking-way.”
Tension still wracks your body as he steps off the stool, meeting you and Rose in front of the table. Rose looks between the two of you before dropping your hand and covering her eyes.
“Oh my God, I totally forgot about the whole…” She looks to you apologetically, not towards Finn, which confuses you. “I’m so sorry I forgot to say.”
“No, I- it’s okay. I just hope I’m not intruding.” It seems that this town just loves to leave you at a loss for words.
Finn laughs, seemingly completely at ease. “Not unless you’re here to talk about work. Or to try to win me back.”
“God, no. Not that we wouldn’t love to have you back but,” you glance quickly at the friendly girl still sitting at the table, obviously confused. “I understand that you’re much happier here.”
“That I am.”
“Then that’s all I care about.”
Rose absolutely buzzes with energy at the exchange. “Yay! So we’re all still friends and everything?” Her hands are clasped and her hopeful eyes flicker back and forth between the two of you. 
You turn your gaze back to Finn, hoping that you look as genuine as he does. “I hope so.”
“I don’t see any reason why not,” He smiles warmly at you, offering his hand. “Besides, you weren’t exactly the one that left me with a bad taste in my mouth.”
You take his hand easily, and just barely manage to quell your surprise when he uses it to tug you into a warm hug. The recent bombardment of hugs you’ve received in the past few days is the only thing that gets your arms moving properly, wrapping loosely around Finn for a moment before you part. 
As you pull back, an awkwardness comes to hang in the air as a silence settles between the four of you. You suddenly remember the girl at the table seemingly the same moment that Finn does. He pipes up, turning towards her and half leading you to the table where they were sitting. 
“Right, uh, Rey, I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine.” 
You extend a hand and introduce yourself to the woman, Rey, and she lets out an awkward laugh as she takes it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I was a bit, erm, hesitant to intrude on the moment. Seems like there’s a lot of history going on here.”
“Oh, you have no idea,” Finn laughs before his nose scrunches up in thought. “Actually, you might have some idea. You know the place I used to work before we met?”
Rey’s face twists in disgust. “You mean that awful tech company? God, you couldn’t stop talking about how awful it was for almost a year. Must’ve been terrible. Did you work there too?” 
She looks to you as your cheeks heat up and you can't help the grimace that creeps into your expression. “I actually still do.” 
Finn opens his mouth but Rey beats him to it. “Oh no, that must be awful. What do you do? Get yelled at all day by some tall blonde woman like Finn did?” She chuckles at her own joke, but she’s the only one. Finn and Rose look like they’d rather be anywhere else. Probably at the bar. With strong drinks. Yet, you feel a chill indifference wash over you. The one you feel whenever you walk through the doors of the First Order offices and meetings. 
“Actually I’m the COO.”
Rey’s jaw slackens with the shock, mouth starting and stopping any words she attempts to get out. “I… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” Finn has his head fully in his hands and Rose looks like she might die. But you smile softly.
“It’s okay. I’ve heard far worse before. From people whose opinions were far more important.”
The urge to storm out tugs at your gut but your feet stay planted. It’s strange. You’re not quite sure what emotion it is that you’re feeling exactly. There’s anger, but it’s the blow to your pride that fuels it. There’s certainly embarrassment. Mostly, you realize it’s guilt. Guilt that the company you worked so hard to build has hurt people - people that you care about. You knew it happened, probably every day, probably right at this moment, but being faced with the conversations that people must be having behind your back… It hurts. It hurts in many directions. 
“Drinks!” Rose chirps loudly, desperate to break the tension. “I’ll go get us some drinks!”
She spins on a dime and immediately heads towards the bar. Looking between you and Rey, Finn gulps. “She’ll probably need some… help with those…” He’s immediately out of his chair and trailing behind Rose. 
Rey sits quietly, a thoughtful look on her face as you finally take a seat on the stool across from her. The silence hangs for a moment as the jukebox croons quietly in the background. 
“I really didn’t mean it that way,” Rey starts quietly. “It’s just…” She leans towards you, elbows resting in front of her on the table. Her eyes are earnest, kindness pouring forth. “Finn was miserable when we met in Jakku. Work was stressing him out to no end, but mostly… he felt like he was hurting people. He had a stable and successful job but… what did it cost him? All he ever wanted to do was help people.” She sighs, and a small smile tugs at her lips. “I like to think I helped him, but really, he knew all along what he had to do. I’m so grateful that we’re both here now, working with the kids, helping people where it feels like it really matters. I can’t speak for you, but it sounds like you’re proud of your company, and I’m glad but… It just wasn’t right for Finn. I hope I haven’t offended you.”
You’re momentarily stunned by her small speech. Not just the words but her honesty. You can tell from the tone of her voice just how much she cares for Finn and how much she believes in their cause. You find a small stain on the table, gazing at it intensely in thought. You’ve just wanted to help people too, all your life, but making something of yourself always came first it seemed. You told yourself you were helping people, creating new things that made so many people’s lives easier, donating intensely to charities, but how many people were you hurting on the way? How many times can you tell yourself that some eggs must be cracked to make an omelette? How many people have you screwed over, blackmailed, and outright stolen from? How many shady people have you bought from or sold to? How many things have you ignored or swept under the carpet just to keep business running as usual?
“If it helps… Finn always spoke highly of you.” 
You look up as Rey draws you out of your thoughts, something she obviously picks up on going by her smile. 
“Well… He’s a good man. A good friend before he was an employee… I didn’t mean what I said either - about your opinion not mattering. That’s not true, I just…” You trail off, but look up to find comfort and forgiveness in her warm expression. You give her a small genuine smile of your own. “Maybe we should just start over.”
You extend a hand, introducing yourself and she does the same, laughing lightly as she does so. At that moment, Rose and Finn come shuffling over, each balancing a tray with a few colorful drinks and rounds of shots. Placing the trays on the table, Finn eyes your smiles and parting hands. 
“Are you guys… Is everything good now?”
You nod, laughing. “Yes, I think we just got off on the wrong foot.”
“And we’re just here to have a good time and hang out - no work talk.” Rey winks at Finn. He lets out a hearty laugh, clapping you two on the back. 
“Oh, you two are good.”
“Actually, there’s one more thing,” Rose cuts in. She looks absolutely tickled pink, poorly suppressing her roguish grin. Finn and Rey raise an eyebrow in unison, seemingly used to this behavior. 
Rose giggles, “I invited Poe!” 
You instantly feel your heart rate pick up and a gentle heat rise in your cheeks, but it seems your the only one excited about this development. Rey only sighs with an unamused laugh. Rolling his eyes, Finn shakes his head, “That’s not exactly a surprise.” He turns to you. “She invites him out every time. And every time he says no. ‘Too busy.’”
“He never just relaxes,” Rey chimes in. “We’re constantly inviting him out, even inviting ourselves into the shop occasionally, but he’s just so dedicated to his work. It’d be admirable if it wasn’t so annoying.”
“Yeah yeah yeah,” Rose waves her hands around, as if attempting to dispel the negative comments in the air before they reach you. “BUT… I told him a certain special someone was gonna be here!” 
Finn and Rey both turn to you, Rey holding an expression of curiosity and Finn looking at you with new eyes, the gears turning almost visibly in his head. Did she mean you? Everyone seems to be looking at you expectantly so… she must be. Sure, Poe seems to like you well enough but… This is behavior that seems to have been going on for years. How could your presence possibly change that?
“Wh- Me?” You ask, turning to Rose at a sudden loss for words. “Why- What makes me special?”
Rose rolls her eyes so hard her head can’t help but follow. “You are so oblivious. And so special.”
Finn nods, with a grin you can only describe as ‘shit-eating.’ 
“Of course.” He bites his lip deviously. “This is gonna be so fun.”
“Really wha-”
You’re cut off by the sound of the blowing snow and wind as the door creaks open behind you. As if on cue, each of your heads swivel to the entrance to see the door swinging shut behind Poe shaking the snowflakes out of his hair, cheeks ruddy from the outside cold. He looks up from tugging his gloves off to see the four of you gawking at him. If he can tell he just walked in on a discussion of himself, he doesn’t show it. He practically beams at the four of you, but lets his eyes settle on yours.
“Hey guys.”
“This is gonna be so fun,” You hear Finn whisper behind you. 
You fail miserably at trying to hide your smile, but you know it’s for the best. 
______________
 “God, I know it’s embarrassing but... that’s so funny.” Rey chuckles with red cheeks, thoroughly amused.
“But it’s so embarrassing,” You exclaim, a little louder than you’re usually comfortable with but the drinks you’ve been slowly consuming for the past two hours have loosened your tongue just a bit. 
Finn continues to shake his head in laughter. “I do love your mom, though. I wanna thank her for that one. A proper Base welcome.”
“C’mon, it really wasn’t so bad,” Poe laughs. 
Once he’d arrived, everyone made quick work of getting him a drink and dragging over a stool, planting him firmly and snuggly between you and Rose. Small pleasantries and catching up eventually turned into you and Poe recounting the previous night's dinner and conversation at the strong behest of the rest of the group. It mostly consisted of you complaining and apologizing to Poe and him simply laughing it off, attempting to placate your worries. Finn, Rey, and Rose simply watched in entertainment, soaking up every juicy detail. 
“Really, you have to stop beating yourself up about it. You’ll drive yourself insane.” Poe places a hand on your shoulder, sending a little shiver of electricity through your body that you desperately try to curb. You look down at his hand on your shoulder and are struck with the desire to see it as often as possible. Meeting his eyes, they are warm and kind and cause you to immediately lose whatever it was you were going to just say. You are now very aware of just how buzzed you are. 
“I’ll… I’ll try.” You give him a small smile and he accepts it readily, his own smile growing. Over your shoulder, Finn must catch his eye because he swiftly turns his head back to his drink on the table and clears his throat. His hand gives you a small pat and quickly retreats back to his lap. His hand makes a loose fist and you miss its warmth. 
“Well,” Rose starts. “It’s getting late and I am so beat. I should get going.” 
Rose gives a meaningful glance at Finn and Rey, “Isn’t it a school night? You guys should get going too. Don’t want to have to show a video tomorrow.”
Finn’s eyes widen a bit and Rey nods fervently. 
“Yes, absolutely. You’re so right, Rose.” Finn begins standing up from his stool. “C’mon, Rey, we should be off.”
Those fucking conspirators. You know you should be grateful - they’re trying very hard to set you up with your high school crush - but all you can feel is panic. You’re an expert at talking to people, from brokering deals to conducting yourself in interviews and even giving presentations, you’ve trained and practiced in the art of discussion. But for some reason, just being in the same room as Poe makes your brain short circuit. Your mind constantly pulls back and forth whether to close off and shut him out or loosen up and actually let him in. It’s barely been three days but it feels like so much longer. And that’s terrifying.
“Uh-Wh- Are you guys okay to drive?” You sputter.
Finn sends you a reassuring smile as he grabs Rey by the shoulders, “Rey might not be in any state to drive, but I’m totally fine. I’ve had maybe two drinks in the past couple hours. Don’t worry.” 
Rose is off her stool too, gathering her coat. “Could you maybe drop me off too? I’d just walk but it’s so damn cold.”
“No problem, Rose.”
“What about me? I’m supposed to walk then?” You interject, flustered. “Rose, you drove me here.”
Rose gives an exaggerated look of cluelessness, giving you a shrug before looking over at Poe.
Breaking his momentary silence, Poe gives you a nod. “Yeah, I can give you a ride if you want.” 
You can only nod along. “Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you.”
Rose lets out a little squeal, scrambling over to give you a kiss on the cheek and skip out the door, calling out goodbyes over her shoulder. You can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh along with Finn and Rey, both of them giving you and Poe sidehugs before taking their exit as well. 
As the doors swing shut and the silence between you settles, you glance around at the bar. There are about half as many people as there were a few hours ago but the place doesn’t feel empty by any means. The few patrons still mill about, some playing pool, some chatting at the bar. You sigh contently at the sight, something Poe catches as he watches you.
“Good to be home?”
You look over, momentarily studying his handsome features in the warm lights as you try to figure out how to answer his question. 
“I don’t know. Like I said before, it’s not really home. And yet it is.”
He nods, thinking for a second. “But are you happy to be here?”
You eye him, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I’m starting to be.”
“Well, I’ll drink to that.” He grins, holding up his bottle. You meet his with your own, both taking a swig with a smile.
As you settle your drinks back on the table, Poe leans over with a lowered voice. Your pulse thrums in your veins. “You know, I actually had a great time last night, so there’s nothing to worry about.”
You sigh with chagrin, momentarily closing your eyes to rub at the spot between your brows. 
“Well, I’m glad you had so much fun at my expense.” 
Poe leans away, shutting his eyes in his own embarrassment. 
“That’s not what I meant, I’m sorry.”
You chuckle lightly, a sound that gets Poe to open one eye before breaking into a smile, laughing with you. He leans in again, still smiling but a serious tone overtakes him.
“I really understand if you don’t want to talk about it but… What was your mother talking about… with Ben?”
You feel like a bucket of water has been dumped on you, ruining the easy-going mood you’d let slowly wash over you for the past few hours, but when you look at him, you can’t help but want to tell him everything.
“I just… I’ve only heard bits and pieces about what happened after you graduated. You really… disappeared.”
“Not disappeared,” you say quietly, with grit in your voice. “They just started paying attention to me somewhere else.”
“I paid attention to you,” Poe murmurs. When you catch his eye, he corrects himself. “I mean, we all did.”
You smile sadly, “Yeah, this is different.”
Poe gently knocks your shoulder with his, making you let out a snicker. Glancing over, Poe levels you with a genuine look, with soft eyes and a smile. “I get the feeling you don’t talk about your life often. So, tell me about it.”
He’s right. You never talk about your life, you certainly never regale your story to whoever asks. Doing that requires you to be vulnerable, it requires self-reflection and introspection. It requires you to think about things that you’ve long locked away inside. But… 
“Well, I’m not sure how well you remember, or if you ever noticed but… no one ever really talked to me. Then one day, Ben did. No one ever really talked to him either, so we made a fast pair. He was odd... but he was a real friend to me. I wouldn’t have traded that for anything.”
Poe nods understandably, encouraging you to keep going. 
“We decided to stick together. We got into Imperial University together and got out as quickly as we could. Neither of us… We couldn’t stay here, not with what we planned on doing with our lives. This town… it just wasn’t for us.”
“Yeah, I hear that a lot. I get that, too.” Poe takes a drink.
“You do?”
He laughs softly. “Yeah, but that’s a story for another time. Keep going.”
“We learned at school that we worked really well together. Our mentor Snoke realized that, too. He led us, taught us, molded us. He helped us build our company, First Order Tech. He was our first investor, he still sits on the board of directors. Kylo… Ben may be the CEO, but Snoke is still in charge of both of us to this day. It’s our company, we created it from the ground up but… We still bow to him.”
You shake your head. Time for the hard part. Might as well get it out quick and easy.
“Somewhere along the way… I don’t know if it was love. It wasn’t love how it should be - I can tell you that. But, Ben and I… were together. And then he proposed. I don’t think it was because he wanted to. I think he just thought… he was supposed to. Just the natural progression of our lives, I guess.”
You don’t realize you’re crying until the teardrops reach your chin, where they hang heavily before dropping onto your lap. You quickly wipe them away, as Poe once again places a hand on your back, but this time it stays there, his thumb rubbing comfortably back and forth.
“You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. It’s okay.”
“I just,” You sniffle, wiping your nose. Way to break down just as he was warming up to you, kiddo. “I’ve never talked about this before, not really. I don’t even think I’ve ever cried over this before.”
“Anyway, I somehow became lucid enough to call it off a few months before the wedding.” 
You sniff wetly and press the backs of your hands to your eyes, your makeup no doubt ruined by now. Poe’s thumb keeps its motion.
“I just wanted it so bad,” Your voice cracks. The lump that had been caught in your throat breaks free in the form of a sob. “I let myself be blind because I…”
Your hands are shaking and tears run freely down your face.
“I wanted to be loved. And I thought that’s how I would get it. But I woke up.” 
You drop your hands onto the table, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. You clench your fists and your voice no longer trembles.
“And I’m glad I did. We’re both better people for it.”
Only now do you chance a look at Poe. You had kept your gaze down, too scared to find what his expression might be, too scared to read his thoughts on his face. But his hand had stayed planted, comforting you. That had to mean something, right?
Looking up, you see only his warm gaze that had assured you deeply enough to get you talking in the first place. It carries a sadness, a kind of worry in the crease between his slightly upturned brows. But you find no disgust. No pity. 
“I wish I knew what to say.”
You chuckle wetly, “You don’t have to say anything. I understand that it’s a lot.”
His hand makes a broad stroke across your back as he leans in once again. 
“There’s actually a lot of things I want to say, but I’m sure you’d hate all of them considering they all sound like condescending things your mom has probably said to you over the years.”
A genuine laugh bubbles out of you at this, a bright smile pulling up your wet mascara stained cheeks. Seeing this, Poe can’t help a smile of his own.
“Things like ‘you’re so brave’ and ‘you poor thing’?” You giggle.
He chuckles, “Yeah something like that, the usuals.”
“Well thank you for sparing me.”
“No problem.” He pauses for a moment. “But really, thank you for telling me.”
He sounds like he means it.
“Thank you for listening, Poe.”
And so do you.
You sit like that just for a moment, gazing at each other. You take in the small details, admiring the creases around his eyes, the shape of his jaw, the curls in his hair. He seems to be taking you in as well, his eyes flickering across your features. You see them linger on the stains of your cheeks, turning your head away subconsciously. 
“Ready to go?” He asks softly. 
You smile and nod, wiping at your nose with your sleeve. “Yeah, I think I’m ready.”
You wobble just a bit as you get up from your seat, but Poe’s hand is still there to steady you. It stays there as you walk to the door. Stepping out into the cold, you instinctively huddle against him, a move he readily accepts as you walk.
“I’m not always a sad drunk, I promise.”
You feel the rumble of his chest as he laughs gently at your small joke.
“Don’t worry. I believe you.”
The ride is comfortably silent, except for the low hum of the radio as you drive. Pulling up to your house, you want to say something, do something, to thank him for what he did tonight. For driving you home, for listening to you and comforting you as you practically sobbed in his arms, for coming to the bar at all, supposedly just because you were there. 
But you don’t do anything.
“I’ll see you around,” is all you say. 
You hear him swallow as he nods. “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll see you.”
When you finally slink upstairs and collapse in your bed, you still feel the phantom touch of Poe’s hand across your back. 
-
notes: Whew! Thank you SO much for reading and thanks to all the people who stuck around! It’s been such a long and hard year and I hope everyone is doing okay. I’m determined to make this year great and I hope you all will join me!
I understand it’s been forever so if you’re on the taglist and would like to taken off it, hit me up and I’ll totally understand - and if you’re not on the taglist and would like to be leave a reply or send me a message! love you all <3
taglist: @ikbenplant @jamesdeerest​​ @fortheloveoflamp @operation-spot @asianravenpuff @whovianayesha @ultrunning @nowheredreamer @honestlyjustwow​ @badwolf-212 (for some reason i can never tag you properly :( ) 
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consumedkings-archive · 4 years ago
Text
ancient names, pt. xxi
A John Seed/Original Female Character Fanfic
Ancient Names, pt xxi: what went we
Masterlink Post
Word Count: 15.3k
Rating: Explicit: sexual content ahead.
Warnings: mentions of self-harm, some slight gore/blood (it's very mild), the aforementioned sexually explicit content.
Notes: Hi guys. I don't really know where to begin this post, because I am incredibly emotional. It feels so very fitting and special to me that I am bringing in the last chapter of Ancient Names just as 2021 rolls in, and so yes, I AM crying, yes, this WILL be an exceptionally sappy notes section, and yes, this is going to be all about you!
There are so many people that are in part responsible for this fic actually getting finished and put out where the world can see it. @empirics, whose unending support even when she doesn't even GO here and cheerleading me through writing sprints; @lilwritingraven, who is so sweet, so supportive, so incredible and just an overall gigantic sweetheart; @faithchel, whose tags are incredible and always just give me LIFE, I love that our girls be out here really feral like that; @shallow-gravy, who not only lends me her eyeballs but also lets me complain and whine, send her memes nonstop, and participates in my very elaborate fantasies of Elliot and Diana living out their lives as dog moms on a farm (and sometimes in our unholy OT3); @baeogorath, also an eyeball-lender, also incredibly sweet, ALSO lets me send them memes, and does so good in talking me down from my adrenaline anxiety pre-posting and post-posting, was the first person to welcome me into this fandom and is also just a dear, dear friend who happens to be incredibly talented. And, of course, @starcrier. As always, this would have never ever ever been possible without you, not even a little bit, not even at all. From the bottom of my heart, to every single one of you, and the people who have left kudos, have left comments: thank you thank you thank you, from the absolute bottom of my heart. Here is ALL my love, just for you!
The emotional journey of writing this fic has been an incredible one. And a taxing one. Elliot is a character near and dear to my heart for many reasons; I pour so much of my heart into her, so when I hear people say that they love her, and love this journey, and love these things that I've created and written, I mean it when I say that it makes my whole entire day. It means so much to me. Thank you.
In the essence of time, I will not go through all of the feelings that are in my brain right now because there are SO many and I am already crying lol. Please just know you have made the experience of joining a new fandom, and writing in it, so incredible!
There is going to be an epilogue following this chapter, and then I'm going to take a short break and start in on a sequel fic, tentatively titled Witching Hour. Please feel free to hang out/chat w me/plague me with your thoughts at any time of the day; I would love to visit with all of y’all!
John was lying to her.
Or, at the very least, he was withholding information from her, which was just about as bad as lying, Elliot thought. She didn’t know what exactly he wasn’t forthcoming about—but did it matter, at this point? She could tell he was lying; he’d been all kinds of ready to leave and go and get out of Hope County, and now he was scrounging up some kind of ass-pull reason for them to stay. So did it matter? Did the distinction count?
Yes, she thought absently, as John’s fingers traced slow, lazy circles along the small of her back. Yes, I have to know what he’s lying to me about.
“Good morning,” John murmured against her neck. “How did you sleep?”
It had been three days since her baptism-gone-awry, three days of Burke occupying the bunkhouse she had been in while she had wordlessly moved into John’s space, three days of avoiding eye contact with the marshal and deferring questions about him. I don’t know, I really only knew him for a day, she’d say when John asked, or does it matter if I told him? He wouldn’t get it, the unspoken words being ‘not like you do’. She hoped, anyway.
Three days of trying to figure out what it was John wasn’t telling her.
“Like shit,” she replied tiredly as his mouth trailed along the curve of her shoulderblade. The pressure of his fingers against her sternum had her rolling onto her back to look up at him; his gaze swept over the exposed skin.
“Bruising’s clearing up,” he said, his voice low and rough from sleep. But he didn’t elaborate; he didn’t say, should we reveal your sin today, my love? the way that she thought he would try. It felt as though the gears in her head were still sluggishly turning, trying to piece together the entire picture of what was going on, a picture that she felt like John didn’t want her to see.
She knew exactly how it would go if she asked. What’s the game? she’d say, and John would look at her with those eyes, and lean in to kiss her, and he’d say, no game, hellcat, and she’d have to believe him because she didn’t have any empirical evidence that he was lying to her. Just a feeling, deep in her gut, twisting and wrenching.
It made it worse to know that John was looking at her with adoration.
Trailing a lazy circle below her collarbone with his fingertips, John asked, “Do you want to do it today?” and she stifled a sigh.
“I don’t know yet, about staying,” she replied, even though she did know: she wouldn’t. She would die before she crawled into a stupid fucking bunker at the behest of Joseph Seed. “I want to wait.”
John’s eyes flickered a little at her words, but he nodded. Elliot reached up, catching her hand with his and skimming the pads of her thumbs along his palm. The words sat there on the tip of her tongue: what aren’t you telling me? Why can’t you just tell me? Haven’t we been through enough, the two of us?
“Your heartline,” Elliot said instead, forcing her voice into playfulness because she couldn’t stop thinking about how Burke had told her to carry on as she had been. “Have you ever had your palm read?”
“No,” he answered amusedly, letting her nail skim along the curve of the line on his palm. “Are you an expert in palmistry?”
“My mama used to entertain tarot cards and palm readers with her ladies,” she replied. “So I listened in a lot. I suppose it isn’t very Godly to have your palm read.”
“It isn’t.” John’s eyes glittered. “But go ahead and tell me what mine says.”
She shifted a little against the pillows. On the floor by her side of the bed, Boomer let out a long, suffering sigh—like he was tired of listening to this flirtation already. For a small second in time, that feeling of peace swept over her, and she let herself bask in it. Elliot thought that she deserved that much at least.
“Your heartline shows your personality, and your quality of love,” she explained, skimming her finger along his heartline. “Yours comes all the way over, see? All the way across your palm.”
“Is that good?”
“Very,” Elliot said somberly. “It shows you have an abundance of love, and high expectations.”
John worked his jaw a little, clearly trying not to smile like he was proud of himself—like he had any control over the lines of his palm and how they worked. “I could have told you that.”
“And it curves upward,” she continued. “Which means you have great verbal dexterity.”
“I could have also told you that.”
“Undoubtedly,” she deadpanned. “Are you going to let me finish my reading?”
He flashed his teeth at her in a grin. “Please,” he said, “continue.”
Elliot clicked her tongue, turning her attention back to his hand. Inspecting for a moment, she said, “You have a upward split here, you see? That means you’re willing to sacrifice a lot for love.”
John rumbled his agreement at the statement and leaned down, kissing her shoulder.
“And these little forks here,” she added, pressing her thumb against them, “indicates a dispute on marriage.” Her eyes lifted to his, playful. “Are you intending on marrying, John? Palm says that’s a bad idea.”
For a second, John stared at her—his eyes fluttered, and he looked like he was collecting himself. Elliot sat up a little, frowning, but when she did it seemed to trigger whatever it was that was needed for him to come back to being present. Interlacing their fingers together, he pulled her forward and kissed her; and kissed her, and kissed her, until her lungs ached and she thought she was getting dizzy from not being able to take a full breath. His free hand slid down between her legs; when her lips parted to allow her to whimper, John’s teeth caught her lower lip with bruising force.
Already, heat was pooling in the pit of her stomach. Already, she could feel those telltale signs of desire, the way that John inspired it in her with just a few simple gestures.
“Want you,” John said against her mouth, guiding her onto him, settling her on his lap. Something was wrong, something she’d said had struck a strange nerve in him; but undeniably, it felt good, that his hands were trembling whenever his grip on her lessened a little. It felt good, because it felt like he needed her.
“Reading my palm is a cute trick, but—”
“How badly?” Elliot asked, before she could stop herself. John’s eyes, dark with want, raked over her as the sheets bunched at her hips. When she rocked her hips against his inquisitively, a low, strangled noise came out of him. “How badly do you want me?”
“You’re—in a mood,” John managed out. He opened his mouth to keep talking—something insufferable, Elliot was sure—but as he did, she adjusted and sank down against him, drawing out of him a low, vicious moan. His fingers dug into her hips and he hissed, “Wicked thing.”
She slid him out of her, and he groaned, miserable.
“How badly?” she asked again, less cloying this time. There was a strange kind of satisfaction that wound up in her, hot and humid, when John let her do this—let her take, let her sink her nails and her teeth into him wherever and however she wanted. Like he knew exactly what it was she needed and didn’t mind giving it to her.
Liar, something inside of her said, he’s a fucking liar, there’s something he isn’t telling us, but then John looked at her and said, “So badly, more than anything, Elliot,” and her chest tightened.
Her fingers found his shoulder and she tugged him up into a sitting position. Her mouth found his; she tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled just as their hips slotted together and she sighed his name in a hitching breath. The delicious burn was almost enough to fizz her focus out of existence—with so little sleep on her agenda, it was hard enough, but then she canted her hips wantingly and sparks of red-hot pleasure went racing up her spine.
“So. Fucking. Tight,” John ground out, burying his face against her neck. “Can’t believe you’re mine, El—can’t—after all of this—”
Elliot’s lashes fluttered at his words, the uneasy sprint of happiness making her stomach churn. Something else, though, wrenched around the cavity of her chest—those words. Can’t believe you’re mine.
“John,” she managed out, breathless, “I—”
“—and I’m yours.” John kissed her and guided her hips down against him until she was moaning unsteadily. “Fuck, yes, I’m—all yours, baby, just take w-what you—need from me, give you anything, anything—”
I’m all yours, he said, in the same breath as can’t believe you’re mine, and it shouldn’t have but it felt different: in that moment, having John buried into her up to the hilt and digging his fingers into her skin and sighing her name, it shouldn’t have felt different, but it did. It did, because they belonged to each other.
Her fingers tightened in his hair, on his shoulder. She thought, he’s a liar, and she thought, I’m so afraid of losing him, too, and she thought, we belong to each other.
“Please,” Elliot moaned, but she didn’t know what she was asking for; to finish, to hear him say it again, to hear him say more, to tell her the complete and absolute truth? Did it matter, anymore?
It does matter. The distinction matters.
So she said, “You’re mine,” and she kissed him, and she said it again, and again, like a prayer; until John was saying it back, feverish and panting the delicious words against her skin, I’m yours, I’m yours, all yours.
Wicked, and wretched, and maybe a liar, but all hers.
Later, tangled together in bed, John pulled her flush against him and said against her skin, “Don’t you want it, too?”
“I do,” Elliot murmured, knowing that he was talking about the Wrath he was going to put into her skin. “There’s just... A lot after that, to think about. And I know you’ll want an answer right away—”
“Is it that hard?” he asked. “To make a decision about staying or leaving?”
“What the fuck kind of question is that?”
John frowned. “I just—”
“You just want me to say yes to whatever it is you want,” Elliot snapped. “I’d like to remind you that you told me we’d go as soon as this was done.”
“I know,” he said quickly. “I know, Elliot. I’m just—”
And then he paused, like something wanted to come out of him that he didn’t want to say, like he’d caught himself before he’d make a fool of himself. All this time, and Elliot thought she’d never see John vulnerable, not really in the way that she wanted—he’d seen her crying and broken and grieving, and she’d seen him in intimate glimpses, but not completely.
“You’re just what?” she asked, brows pulling together.
John’s fingers traced along her sternum, spelling out WRATH, much like he had done that evening at her mother’s house.
“They’re my family,” he said after a moment. “He gave me everything.”
Something uncomfortable twisted in her chest. “I know.”
“That includes you, too.” John leaned down and kissed her shoulder. “He brought me you. I know you don’t believe, hellcat, but if nothing happens then what did we lose? Nothing. I just get to keep my family.”
Her lashes fluttered, exhaustion seeping over her bones again. It was late into the morning, but already she wanted to close her eyes.
“I told you before,” she whispered. “I told you. You can’t have both. You can’t put one foot in both worlds, John.”
His mouth pressed into a thin line. He ducked his head against her neck and kissed there, and she thought about what he’d said that night in the bar.
Outside of my loyalty to Joseph, there’s you, and I want both.
I want you too, Elliot.
We can have a place to belong.
She thought about Jerome’s voice over the radio. You don’t have to Atlas this thing, deputy.
She thought about Joey, holding her tight. I never doubted you’d be able to get me.
She thought about how, at twenty-five, she had to bury her best friend in the fucking ground.
John was lying to her about something. He wasn’t telling her everything, and maybe she had always known that it would be like this, between them: maybe, down in the marrow of her bones, she had always known they would end up at odds with each other, John trapped between two worlds that he wanted and neither side willing to budge.
Something has to be done, she thought tiredly, as John’s fingers smoothed along her hip, and I’m going to have to fucking do it.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
“You’ve gotta get them out of here, Rook.”
Burke’s words stayed there, lingering in the air between them. It was late in the afternoon, and John was with his brothers and Faith in the chapel, and she’d ducked into Burke’s bunkhouse between guard shifts to grab a quick word with him. As soon as she told him that John had been pushing to get her sin revealed sooner than the original week he’d told her, Burke’s frown had deepened.
“They’re planning on getting it over with and getting the fuck out,” he said, pacing the tiny bunkhouse room. “There’s no way I’m getting to that radio with them all here. They think the world’s going to end, and that they need to be in their bunkers to survive it. If they get locked in there, Elliot, then—”
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to get them all out of here,” she replied irritably. “You do realize that I’m only—John’s the only—”
Burke waved his hand to stop her from elaborating. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want to discuss the nature of her relationship with John beyond what the base information: they had indulged in a physical relationship, and an emotional one, and now Elliot’s priorities included him. As best they could.
“He wants to do the… Ceremony,” Elliot continued, mouth twisting around the only word she could think to say without making it macabre, “soon. And I just think that if I push it all the way out, then it’ll stir up suspicion, after I told him I wanted to—”
“What if you didn’t?”
She blinked at him. “What?”
“What if you didn’t push it out?” Burke continued, slowly, pitching his voice quieter and more urgent when he noticed movement outside. “What if you asked for it to be done sooner? But just—somewhere else? Not here? Make up something about how you don’t have good memories here, and…”
“And ask for his family to be there,” Elliot finished, “so that they have to leave you here?”
Burke nodded. His gaze darted to the window again, and she knew that they were running out of time. “You’ll still be guarded.”
“I can handle a few of these fuckers,” he replied, waving his hand. “Most of them are scattered out, getting supplies. I hear them complaining about it outside all the time. I’ll get that radio, see if I can hear any chatter, and tell them where to find you. ”
I need more time, she thought, but she knew that she wouldn’t get it. Not now. Her deadline had been set for her—by Joseph, by John, and even a little bit by Burke. She was this close to being done, to being—
Free.
“Okay,” she said. “Okay, yes, I can do that. I’ll ask them to take me to the ranch, and—I can do that.”
“I know,” Burke said, and he had never sounded more confident; he planted his hands on her shoulders and looked at her, the clarity having returned from his Bliss-induced high. He hesitated, and then said, “The ceremony—”
“We don’t have to talk about it.”
“I want you to know,” he plunged on, “it doesn’t matter, but I want you to know that you aren’t… That isn’t all of who you are.” His hands squeezed shoulders, the pressure welcoming and comforting and nauseating all at once. How strange, that kindness sickened her, now. “Wrath.”
Elliot paused, swallowing thickly. “I should go,” she said, because Burke still didn’t know what she’d done to Kian, still didn’t know the full extent of her body count or the way she’d felt when she killed a man. How it felt good, now—satisfying, an instant hit of dopamine centered around control.
“The back window,” Burke said, gesturing. “So the guards don’t wonder.”
“It’s all very exciting,” Elliot added. She tried for lightness, pushing the window up. “Subterfuge.”
“Just try not to say that where anyone can hear you.”
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
“We’ve nearly collected the last of the supplies,” Joseph said, pacing absently back and forth. “How long do you think, Jacob?”
“A day, at most,” the redhead replied. “They’re working quickly, without all of these interruptions.” Jacob paused, and then turned his gaze at John. His mouth twisted for a moment, and John could tell his older brother was trying not to smile when he continued, “What’s your timeline, John?”
“The same,” John replied tightly.
“A day at most?”
“No, the same as before,” he clarified, even though he knew Jacob was doing it on purpose. “You gave me a timeline and that’s what I’m working with.”
“It’s just, you sounded very confident about your ability to wrangle the deputy,” his eldest brother continued, “and you’ve always been an overachiever.”
Joseph was looking at him expectantly. John knew that they wanted him to say that Elliot had insisted on doing it sooner, that she’d fully acquiesced to staying with him, that he had fully convinced her, down to every molecule of her being, that what they were doing was right and just and undeniably truthful.
But he hadn’t. Their conversation this morning only proved that more to him. You can’t have both, she’d said, like she still thought of herself as a separate entity from him, from his family. But she wasn’t; where else would she find people who would accept her, unconditionally?
Well, mostly unconditionally. There was one condition: believing. The most difficult one for her, he thought.
“I can spend more time with her,” Faith supplied, helpfully. “Maybe she’s tired of being around you boys all the time. You can be...” Her gaze flickered, and she tilted her chin a little, smiling. “A little heavy-handed. It’s possible that a lighter touch is necessary to bring the deputy around.”
“First, you should stop calling her that,” John pointed out, and he felt a little more than petulant saying it. It hadn’t escaped his attention that Elliot was naturally inclined to open up to Faith more easily, and he shouldn’t have been surprised, but it did still bother him, sitting right in the back of his mind. Always away but never forgotten. “Continuing to refer to her as “the deputy” is only going to further cement her ties to her past life.”
“Well,” Jacob demurred, “we can’t all call her baby, can we, John?”
“If you have a problem with me enjoying the marital bed,” John bit out, “then I think perhaps you spend some time reflecting inwardly on why that’s such a—”
The door to the chapel creaked as it was pushed open. Swallowing back his words quickly, he turned and glanced over his shoulder to see Elliot, hesitating in the doorway. Boomer lingered just behind her, sat at the bottom of the stairs, ever obedient.
“I can come back,” she said, sounding uncertain.
“Not at all,” Joseph replied, before John could tell her maybe that would be best. “Please, come in.”
She did, letting the door swing shut behind her, and moved tentatively toward the front. He wondered how it felt for her—coming in here, with all of them looking at her, much the same way she had the day that set the events in motion that brought her back to them.
John wondered, too, if Joseph had known this all along; if the things that he heard and saw had shown him that Elliot would always come back here, to them. Our deputy, he’d always said, without fail.
“I want to do it,” Elliot said, as she approached. “Soon. As soon as possible.”
Silence reigned supreme for a moment, before John said, “That’s great, Elliot. We can get started with—”
“But I don’t want to do it here,” she interrupted, bringing John’s mouth to a full stop.
“More fucking demands,” Jacob muttered under his breath.
“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Joseph said, watching her curiously. The way they had been, he was the closest to Elliot, with a table separating her from John. His fingers itched. “If you’re worried about the safety of it, I am sure John is more than equipped to—”
“This is supposed to be cleansing, isn’t it?” Elliot asked. “Regardless of how you feel, Joey’s body was put on display here. I don’t want this to be the place where I...”
Her voice trailed off, and her gaze darted elsewhere, mouth pressing into a thin line. John said, “I don’t think going somewhere else would be a problem. Where did you have in mind?”
“The ranch,” she replied, sounding relieved. “Feels fitting.”
As John stifled a smile, Joseph said, “Well, we’ll need to clear out the bodies, but I’m sure that can be done.”
“That’s manpower,” Jacob protested.
“You were just talking about how quickly they were getting things done,” John replied. “Weren’t you? Ahead of schedule. Over-achieving, I think.”
Jacob’s mouth snapped shut with an audible click and grind of his molars, and for once, John felt a sweeping thrill of victory. It was coming together, right there, in front of him—in front of his brothers, and Faith. All of the witnessing the fruits of his labor.
“Fine,” Jacob acquiesced, at last. “But it’ll take them a few hours.”
“Perfect.” John smiled, looking at Elliot across the table, Joseph’s figure nearly eclipsing her. “Then Elliot and I will head out as soon as we hear that the bodies have been properly disposed of.”
“There’s one more thing,” Elliot began, looking uncertain, and drawing all eyes back to her again even as Joseph had moved to place his hand on Faith’s shoulder. When they had watched expectantly for long enough, she continued, “I want—everyone there.”
“Everyone?” John asked, the word souring in his mouth.
“Not—of Eden’s Gate. Just… All of you,” she elaborated.
John could feel the surprise, bubbling fresh and unexpected, between his siblings as they exchanged glances.
“Even me?” Jacob asked, and John saw the grin splitting across his face.
“Even you,” Elliot replied, dryly. “Against my better judgment, I’m sure.”
“I’m touched, honey.”
Clearing his throat, John walked around the table briskly, muttering a quick excuse us as he guided Elliot away from the front of the chapel and down the walkway a little.
“You want my family there?” he asked, keeping his voice low as his siblings chatted quietly amongst themselves. Jacob was grinning wolfishly, looking very pleased with himself, which was something John didn’t necessarily like. “Normally, it’s more of a—a private affair, and that’s how I pictured it with you—”
“This is important to me,” Elliot said, watching him. “And they’re important to you. Aren’t they?”
John swallowed. “Well, yes, but…”
“John,” she murmured, her fingers loosely tangled with his, “I’ll stay, after.”
He blinked at her. “You’ll—?”
“Yes.” Her gaze flickered over his, her voice low as she struggled through the words. “I’ll stay here, with you—and your family. After it’s done. I just… Need to close the chapter.”
I fucking did it, he thought, certain that he was going to grin like a complete maniac if he didn’t keep himself in check. I fucking got her. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe they doubted me.
“Of course,” he managed out, somehow keeping his voice steady despite the rush of butterflies banging against his rib cage. “Of course, hellcat, anything you want.”
“Okay.” She paused, and then reached up and kissed him—willingly, of her own volition, in front of his siblings, she kissed him, and then sat back on her feet. “In a day, then?”
“In a day,” John promised, their noses brushing. “We’ll really belong to each other.”
Elliot’s lashes fluttered. She looked a little more tired than before, but it was hard to tell this close; and if it bothered her at all—if it was changing her mood—it didn’t show. He felt her smile against his mouth.
“Yes,” she murmured, just the way that he liked. “Completely.”
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Jacob stopped by the bunkhouse with Joseph that evening to let him know they’d dispatched the men to clean out the ranch of any remaining corpses; they’d do it through the night, to better assist Elliot in her revelations. It seemed that the members of Eden’s Gate were just as relieved as the siblings themselves that the deputy was no longer and adversary, but joining them.
Which still left the matter of Cameron Burke.
“I say we kill him,” Jacob announced, glancing over John’s shoulder to ensure Elliot wasn’t there—and never before had John been more grateful for the blonde’s need to go on exorbitantly long walks out of the compound. “Quick and easy.”
“Well,” John said, “that is what I had thought you intended before, yet here we are, with him still on our hands.”
“We are lucky that our brother cares so much as to run our deputy through such trials,” Joseph interceded serenely, before a spat could break out. “And that she passed. With flying colors, I think.”
“That’s a little generous.”
“At any rate, that we’ve moved up this celebration for her is good,” the blonde continued. “I hear that the Family may not all be finished. Jacob mentioned that his scouts saw movement, out close to the Whitetails.”
John frowned. No good, he thought, but then—what about all of those dead couples he and Elliot had seen? Paired, holding hands, flowers blooming from wherever they could fit them? How was it determined which ones would off themselves and which ones stuck around?
“Now that we have all of the supplies we need,” Jacob said, “we don’t have to worry about getting rid of them.” He shrugged. “Let the apocalypse finish them off.”
“Well.” John clapped his hands together. “I’ve quite a day to prepare for tomorrow, I think. And when it’s all done, we’ll be ready to settle in.”
Joseph and Jacob exchanged looks, just for a moment, before Jacob said, “Night, Johnny,” and set off, leaving Joseph alone in front of the doorway to the bunkhouse. When he looked at John, his expression unreadable, something uneasy crawled and settled down at the base of his spine.
“I have something for you,” Joseph said. “Come with me to the chapel?”
Trying not to recognize that dread, lest he give it more legs than it already had, John nodded his head. “Of course. Though, you know you never have to…”
“It’s the least I could do,” his brother interjected lightly, waiting patiently as he closed the door to his temporary base of operations and then fell into step with him to the chapel. The evening was brisk and chilly, and when Joseph said, “And where is our deputy?” John stifled a rueful smile.
“Taking a walk, with Faith,” John replied. “And the dog, of course.”
“Of course.” He saw a smile ticking the corner of his brother’s mouth, small and almost imperceptible. “It’s nice that they get along, don’t you think?”
“It is,” he agreed, “like she was always meant to be with us.”
Joseph paused outside the chapel’s doors, reaching up and giving John’s shoulder a squeeze. “Just like.”
They stepped inside. It was cool and quiet; nobody remained. The radio flickering through channels was the only noise, and they rang empty and static, not a peep out there. He wondered if the remaining members of the Family were just looking for a place to rest, or a way to get out; maybe they didn’t want anything, anymore.
He followed his brother to the front of the chapel. On the table was the map they’d been using, a few scribbled notes in Jacob’s hand-writing, and a manila envelope.
Joseph picked up the envelope and held it out to John. He took it, and then glanced inquisitively up at his brother.
“Is this—?”
“Her file,” Joseph confirmed. “What we gathered on her prior to the Collapse. Also in there are my notes from her confession, as well as what appears to be diary entries, recovered from where Kian had tried to hunt the two of you.”
Holy shit, John thought, because sitting in his hands was the exact thing that he’d wanted from the beginning. Everything that he wanted to know about Elliot was right there: waiting to be read, devoured, committed to memory. He would know every single part of her, every wretched thing she had ever done, every loss she had ever suffered, every—
“And,” Joseph continued, “your marriage certificate.”
John glanced up at his brother. Suddenly, the envelope felt—different. Like an ultimatum. If he learned all of this about Elliot, and she got suspicious because he suddenly knew so much about her, and she asked where he found out and he told her—and he would have to tell her—she’d want to see it and then. And then.
And then.
“I think it’s time, John,” his brother said. “I know that you haven’t told our deputy about this arrangement. She is your wife, after all, before the eyes of this congregation and God.”
“Right,” John murmured, swallowing. “Yeah, of course. I planned on it. After tomorrow. It feels fitting, to tell her then.”
Maybe it would be better to tell her in the bunker, he thought absently, and then shoved that immediately away. No, fuck, no, I have to tell her. Tomorrow, after we finish everything.
“Good.” Joseph smiled, and for the first time in a long time he smiled with teeth, and the expression on his brother’s face almost unnerved him. He reached up, and his fingers brushed the nape of John’s neck, tilting him forward so that their foreheads pressed together.
Relief, hot and overwhelming, washed straight through him. They had been so at odds that John thought he might have forgotten what it was like to be in his brother’s good graces, but here he was.
“I am so proud of all that you have done for me, for our family, for Eden’s Gate.” Joseph’s voice rang in the hollow of his bones, vibrating straight through him, spiking in him a delirious rush of pride. “You have done so well, John, despite all that God has done to test you.”
Oh, there it was: everything in him said, finally, finally, finally, someone sees me, and he was reminded of why it was he owed Joseph so much. Because he gave him this.
“I’m—” John felt the words choke and stutter on the way out of him. It was almost too much—the finish line was in sight. Elliot had said, you can’t have both, but he could. He could, and he was going to, and it was here right in front of him.
Waiting.
“Thank you,” he managed out. “Thank you, Joseph. I only ever wanted to make you proud.”
“I know.” Joseph smiled, hand pressed against the back of John’s head, holding him gently. “I know.”
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Leaving the chapel, John was cruising on cloud nine; he had everything. Everything. Nobody was going to take it from him. No stupid cult, no last-minute hail mary’s from the opposing team—
As he passed by a window into the bunkhouse that had been Elliot’s before Burke had made it his home, John stopped and leaned against the siding of the house, tapping on the window. Burke was sitting at the table, leaned back, eyes closed; when the sound of John’s finger against the glass rattled again, he opened one eye.
John waved, and grinned. “Hi, bud.”
Burke stared at him. He gestured for the Marshal to push his window up, and after a few exasperated gestures, he did—reluctantly.
“Seed,” he said, tiredly. “Particular reason you’re not fuckin’ off?”
“Just wanted to stop by,” John replied slyly. “See how you were holding up. The impending apocalypse must be weighing heavily on you.”
Burke stared at him for a moment. He worked a toothpick between his teeth. His hands and feet were both cuffed, and the guards standing outside of the bunkhouse seemed to be concerned with his tone when he said, “Can’t wait to beat that shit-eating grin off of your face.”
“That’s not very professional,” John drawled. “Won’t that look poorly, in front of all of your little friends?”
“They’ll avert their eyes to let me give you some extra special attention.” Burke lifted his chin, taking the toothpick out of his mouth and spitting out the window, nearly landing on John’s shoes. “Promise.”
Impudent, John thought. Burke really just couldn’t let him have a moment, could he? “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Marshal,” he said, straightening up from the window and taking a step away. “I like it rough.”
And then he paused, turning on his heel like a swivel and lifted a finger thoughtfully.
“If you want some pointers on what I like,” he added pleasantly, “you can always ask Elliot.”
Burke’s eyes narrowed. “Your little brainwashed cultist? I think I’ll pass.” he asked, and John’s smile plummeted, wiped off of his face.
“Watch your fucking mouth,” he hissed. “You’re the failing party here, Cameron Burke. You’re going to be the one suffering when the End comes for you.”
“Well, if that’s the case,” Burke replied, “better get goin’, shouldn’t you?”
John’s teeth snapped together with a click, pain shooting up through his jaw as his molars ground. Petulant and arrogant, all the way to the very end, wasn’t he? He supposed that made it a little bit better that Jacob was going to off him.
He had everything he wanted, and not even Cameron Burke was going to take that from him.
John flashed a smile, all teeth, and held his arms out. “I suppose I should,” he replied. “Have a nice ceremony tomorrow to prepare. Though, I don’t have to tell you—you’ll be there for it, won’t you? A front row seat and all.”
Even in the dark of the growing evening, he could see Burke’s jaw clench. The Marshal pulled back from the window and slammed it shut, signaling his exit from the conversation; if John had been in a worse mood, he would have stormed right in there and shown Burke exactly what the consequences were for trying to run the show.
But there wasn’t time, because just as he was debating the logistics of doing so, he heard a dog barking in the distance and the sound of familiar voices.
“Hi, John,” Faith sing-songed at him, swinging Elliot’s hand in her own as they approached. “Isn’t it a bit late? I thought you’d be asleep by now.”
“Couldn’t sleep,” John replied with a quick smile, which was not necessarily a lie.
“Too excited,” his sister agreed playfully. 
As they approached, he could see the circles beneath Elliot’s eyes had darkened. She really wasn’t sleeping, was she? Reaching up with his free hand as soon as she was close enough, he brushed some loose strands of hair from her face and guided her close, his fingers tangling into her hair at the base of her skull and his mouth finding her temple. Faith giggled and waved her fingers at Elliot, breezing past him on her way to the chapel.
He asked, “Did you enjoy your walk?”
“It was dark,” Elliot replied, by way of explanation. Boomer sniffed around their feet and then cocked his head, listening while his eyes fixed on the dark treeline. “What’s that?”
“Hm?” John asked, distracted by Boomer’s sudden alertness. “Oh, the envelope?”
“No, John, this stupid fucking Hot Topic belt I’ve seen you wear all the time.” Elliot pulled back to look at him, eyes glimmering with amusement. “Yes, the envelope.”
He opened his mouth to respond, trying to decide if he wanted to be upfront with her about it or not; he was so caught up in his decision that he didn’t even have the time to be offended by her remark about his belt before he said, “We should go back to our house, don’t you think? The company here’s a little sour.”
Elliot’s gaze swept around curiously, and when she spotted Burke through the window, she said, “Ah.”
“You never did tell me how your talk went,” he added, taking her hand and beginning to pull her away. “Good? Bad?”
The blonde watched him for a moment, like he’d said something a little too suspicious. “It really bothers you when you don’t know what exactly is going on, doesn’t it?”
John feigned a pleased smile. “It’s my job to know what’s going on.”
“I thought it was your job to talk incessantly?”
“I am multi-faceted.”
They reached the door to their shared space—and that was a nice little thought, their space, like they had a place that belonged to the two of them—and as Elliot stepped inside, she said, “Burke wanted to know what had happened.”
John closed the door behind them, pausing and looking at her for a moment; he tried to glean any insight he could out of her expression, but he couldn’t. He could only see quiet exhaustion sitting on her face, just there, just within his reach.
“And?” he prompted, when she failed to elaborate. She walked into the bathroom and turned the water on, washing her face; quickly, John opened the envelope and thumbed through the documents until he found what he was looking for. He slid the paper beneath the nightstand beside the bed and shut the envelope, smoothing the metal pins out. There, he thought, like it was never opened.
“I told him the truth,” Elliot replied from the bathroom, shutting the water off. “About the Family. About—you. And your siblings.”
“Well, he did refer to you as my ‘little brainwashed cultist’, so I imagine that conversation didn’t go well.”
The blonde stepped out of the bathroom, crossing her arms over her chest and watching him for a moment. That was answer enough, he supposed—whatever friendliness had lingered between Elliot and Burke seemed to have been decimated by the reality of their situation.
“What’s in the envelope?”
“It’s your file,” John said, plainly. Elliot’s jaw tensed.
“My file,” she reiterated.
“Yes. All of the things Joseph had on you before, including your confession to him and some papers they found in Kian’s bag of belongings. Back in the woods.”
Her eyes flickered, and she exhaled, long and tired. He could tell that she didn’t like that he had it. She had so desperately tried to keep him from knowing what it was that haunted her, though he had mostly pieced it together by now—an ex-boyfriend gone bad, the resulting fallout, all wadded up into a tiny ball of trauma that sat right in her ribs. All of those times Elliot had tried to cling to those shreds of control—and everything about her had been handed to him in a manila envelope. He imagined that it was quite frustrating.
John offered, “I haven’t looked at it.”
“Why not?”
“I thought,” he began, carefully, “that you might want it. For yourself.”
Elliot looked at him warily. “You’re just going to give it to me?”
“Elliot,” he said as he closed the space between them, “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I’ll give you anything you want.” John reached up, brushing his fingers against the slope of her neck, feeling the way her pulse jumped at the contact. “Besides, I have you. What do I need the file for?”
He wanted it. He wanted to read her file, learn every gritty detail about her, memorize them the same way she’d memorized his scars and tattoos with her fingers; to know her, inside and out, so that there wasn’t a single dark corner of her that he didn’t have completely.
“Throw it away,” Elliot murmured. “I don’t want it. I don’t want it anywhere. Please, just throw it away.”
“If that’s what you really want,” John agreed.
“It is.”
She leaned up and kissed him; her hands cradling his jaw and pulling him there, her mouth soft and compliant against his. He dropped the envelope in favor of getting both of his hands on her, walking her back against the nearest wall and sliding his fingers beneath the hem of her sweater. Elliot’s breath stuttered and hitched prettily, but she pulled back until her mouth was just out of his reach.
Still, though her head was tilted otherwise, her fingers tugged on the front of his shirt and crowded him against her, close. If he thought about it too hard—about the way they had begun, hissing and spitting, and how they were now—he’d have thought he was dreaming, how she wanted him in her space now.
“Let’s go,” the blonde said, her voice urgent. “Tonight. To the ranch.”
“You—” John paused, watching her. “You want to go tonight? Why not tomorrow?”
“I don’t want to be here,” she murmured, “in the compound. I want—”
Elliot stopped, then, worrying her lower lip between her teeth for a moment. “I want to have some time,” she continued, “with you, before... Everything. Just us.” Her mouth twisted in what John thought could only be a playful smile. “Like old times.”
“Oh, yeah?” he asked, narrowing his eyes amusedly. “Which times are those? The times where you told me to go fuck myself, or—”
“I think you liked it.”
“Your mouth is one of my favorite things about you, yes.”
“So,” she continued, “can we go tonight?”
John, propped up against the wall with her caged between his arms, studied her for a moment. It wouldn’t be bad to get some time away from the compound that wasn’t some kind of macabre venture out into Fall’s End, haunting her with all of the things she used to have and had once been.
“Sure,” he said finally, “I don’t see why not. Just a little time for us.”
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Though he had been less than thrilled about the idea of Elliot being outside of the compound, Jacob had confirmed that the ranch was cleaned out of bodies and ready for them. When they swept past Burke in the bunkhouse, watching them through the window, John’s eyes went to Elliot—trying to see if there was anything in her expression, trying to see if there was a blink of affection or recognition.
There wasn’t. Elliot walked past without looking at the U.S. Marshal and swung into the driver’s side of the truck, and when John reached across the console to drop the keys in her hand, her gaze and expression were clear of any cloudiness.
When they got to the ranch, it was quiet; the lights had been left on, and while John knew that the bodies were gone and cleaned out, he still braced himself for impact when they walked in. The bookshelf had been righted again, and the strong smell of cleaning solution lingered in the air, but for the most part, everything was exactly where he’d left it.
It was a shame, then, that soon they’d be slipping underground.
“Bleach,” Elliot said, walking up the stairs after him. “How romantic.”
“It’s your mess they were cleaning,” John replied dryly, flashing her a grin over his shoulder. “In case you forgot.”
“I didn’t.”
He pushed the door open to the master bedroom, taking in a little breath and turning to look at Elliot. She was inspecting the room, and for a second, John almost felt self-conscious—that she was here, now, with him. In his home. Touching his things. Looking at him.
It was almost unnerving to think about; that some time ago, she had been viciously looking for any way out. But of course, she had come around. She was always going to come around, one way or another. He thought about the way she’d spit Go fuck yourself, John, the way she’d tried her hardest to be as obtuse and unhelpful as possible, how she’d said in the bar you can’t have both but here he was.
Here she was.
There was only one thing left standing in the way, and it was something he had all the power in the world to change if he wanted to.
“What are you thinking about?” the blonde asked, arching a brow at him loftily.
“You,” John said, and it wasn’t a lie. Her lashes fluttered and she almost looked shy, for a moment; when he reached out and tugged her close by the belt loop of her jeans, he added, “What do you think about getting married?”
With her hands steadying herself on his chest, she barked out a laugh. “In general? Or us getting married?”
“Primarily the latter.”
“I—” Elliot blinked, and shook her head. “I don’t... What do you mean, what do I think about us getting married?”
“Do you like the idea?” John prompted. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the slope of her jaw.
“We’ve barely been together,” she murmured. “And—you still piss me off.”
“That’s amore.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Elliot groaned, and John grinned, sliding his arms around her to pull her closer still. He hoisted her up into his arms and carried her to the bed; when he’d settled her there, on her back and with her legs looped loosely around his waist, she watched him for a moment. “I don’t know. I’ve never wanted to get married.”
John cocked his head. “Not even once?”
“Not even once.”
“And why not?”
“Why would I?” she retorted. “The only marriage I ever saw was my dad dragging my mama’s credit through the dirt and then fucking off the second he got tired of playing house. Giving up my last name to someone? Letting someone take that away from me?”
John leaned down, pushing her sweater up and pressing his mouth to the curve of her hip cutting up and over her jeans. Her breath stuttered for a moment, and she squirmed when he let his tongue slide along one of her scars.
“I know this is going to sound crazy,” he said, “but marriage isn’t all about giving. It’s about receiving, too.”
He watched the heat crawl into her cheeks, undoing the button of her jeans and sliding them down until they pooled on the floor with a whisper. She said she’d never wanted to get married, but he thought after tomorrow—after she saw how beautiful it would be, to have her sin revealed and in the open—she would change her mind. For him, she would.
Elliot let out a sharp, stuttering breath. “Come here,” she said, tugging on him a little to guide him back up to her. He obliged, and she tangled her fingers into his hair and kissed him; long and patient, lips parting beneath his and her tongue flickering playfully against his mouth. She skimmed her fingers along his chest, down until she could undo his belt and pull it from the loops, discarding it on the floor.
“Miss Honeysett,” John murmured.
“John,” she replied, as her fingers deftly undid his jeans.
“Are you trying to seduce me?”
“You did take my pants off.”
He laughed, the sound sweeping out of him just before Elliot pulled him down into another kiss. She shifted and squirmed against him, pushing and working with her fingers until they were skin on skin. There was a second, a heartbeat of time, where Elliot paused, her gaze flickering over him.
“I want—a home,” she said, her voice quiet, “with you. I don’t have one anymore, and I...”
John dragged his fingers along the exposed skin of her sternum, down and down and down, and she sucked in a sharp little breath the second he found exactly he was looking for.
“You have it,” he replied against her mouth, and a spike of heat sprinted up his spine when he beckoned his fingers against her and she whimpered. “You have it, El, I told you—”
Elliot’s nails dug into his shoulder and she said, “John,” and her voice plunged a little when she did, pitching high and sweet and just the way that he liked it; he mouthed a spot on her neck, sighing against her skin.
“Love those sounds you make,” he murmured. “So good for me.”
“Yes,” Elliot said breathlessly, turning her head so that their noses could brush, “yes, I am, for you—so, please—”
So, please, she said, so sweetly, wanting and hurting and needy as she clutched him, as her breath hitched in anticipation when John pressed up against her, slow and without urgency.
“Is this what you wanted to come here for?” John rumbled against her mouth, breathing unsteady. “So I could f—fuck you in peace and quiet?”
The blonde moaned her agreement as she kissed him. Her body arched up against his, impatient, and when he finally pressed into her all the way, she let out a sigh, her fingers twisting in his hair.
It was too good; too tight, too hot, and the way Elliot held him close, like she thought she was going to disappear if she didn’t keep her grip on him, made the trickle of heat turn into a wildfire splitting through his body. He groaned, the pace excruciating and delicious as he made sure to take each drag as slow as possible.
“F-Fucking—faster,” Elliot whimpered against his mouth, “John—”
“No,” he ground out, slotting his hips against hers tightly before drawing back out again. “You have to—I want you just like this, hellcat—”
She made a sweet keening noise and rocked her hips up, impatient; each time she did sent another sharp jolt of desire sprinting through him, and he bit out a low swear and gripped her hip with one hand.
“Brat,” he moaned. “Wants everything her way but can’t—f-fucking—behave.”
“Fuck you,” Elliot replied, but there was no real heat in her words; she said it in a broken, stuttering breath. “What if I want you faster? What if I want you to fuck me until you just can’t stand it—”
“Stop.” John gritted the words out between his teeth; if there was one thing that sent him to his undoing, it was Elliot and her filthy mouth. “God, you—fucking—”
Elliot dragged him in for a kiss, open-mouthed and slick and wanting, and she begged, “John, I want you so badly—I need—”
And her words stuttered for a moment, like she was catching herself before she could say something that she thought might be embarrassing. John’s hand came up and pressed to her jaw, tilting her face back to him so that he could see her; gazing at him through her lashes, flushed and lips kiss-reddened and eyes dreamy and dazed.
“Tell me,” he managed out, through the haze of his own pleasure. “Tell me what you need.”
“You,” Elliot moaned, “I need you, John.”
“Fuck,” John ground out. He was powerless to go against her wishes when she was looking at him like that, and saying I need you, and twisting her fingers in his hair and—
And when he snapped into her, she sighed his name like a prayer, like he was holy, and he thought that it would have been a crime not to give her what she wanted. It was almost as good as taking it slow; hearing Elliot whimper yes yes yes into their liplock as he fucked her, rough and a little unforgiving, nearly sent him spiraling.
When he slipped a hand between them, dragging the pad of his thumb across the neediest part of her, he felt her tighten; closecloseclose, it said, and Elliot made a wrecked, desperate sound and kissed him just as she came unraveled, panting his name.
His followed close behind—it hit hard, a strange, empty moment just before the ricocheting pleasure rattled around in his skeleton. John buried his face into Elliot’s neck and moaned, gripping her tight to him, and she arched up a little into him and made him hiss.
“You,” he said breathlessly into her neck, “are getting too comfortable using that filthy mouth of yours to get what you want.”
She laughed, raking her fingers through his hair. “You like it.”
“I’ve said that I do.”
“How much?” Elliot idled, and he felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth.
“Wicked thing, aren’t you?” he asked, instead of answering her question. Her lashes fluttered, and when John leaned down and dragged his teeth against her pulse point, she made a soft, sweet sound, squirming in his arms.
“I’m going to sleep,” she announced. Having disentangled themselves and slipped under the covers, she settled back against the pillows and he was reminded, once again, of the dark circles lingering under her eyes. “Feels like I have slept a fucking wink in the compound.”
“Fine,” John agreed, kissing her temple. “You’ll need your rest for tomorrow, anyway.”
It took some time for them to fall asleep; Elliot slept more fitfully than he, and each time she shifted or sighed or rolled it woke him up, too. Eventually, the blonde settled with her face tucked against John’s chest, her fingers absently tracing over the shape of his scar until her breathing slowed and she drifted back off.
Sometime around three in the morning, she stirred, sliding out of bed and making her way to the bathroom. John reached over to the nightstand and picked up his watch to squint at it in the dark. He heard the sink running, and the door to the bathroom was slightly ajar.
“Can’t believe it’s almost the end of November,” he said, out loud and to no one in particular, though Elliot’s head peeked out of the bathroom. She’d wrapped herself in his robe, cinching it tight around her waist.
“It is?” she asked, tiredly. “What’s the date?”
“The twenty-first.”
Elliot stilled for a moment. A strange emotion swept over her face; he thought that it was almost sadness. “It’s my birthday tomorrow.”
John set the watch back down on the nightstand. “Well, perfect timing then. I just gave you an incredible birthday present. How old are you turning? And why do you look so terribly distressed?”
“Fuck off,” she muttered when he grinned at her. “Twenty-six, asshole.” And then, like an afterthought: “It’s just that normally by now, I’m—”
The blonde cut herself off, and then shook her head, rubbing her eyes tiredly and walking back into the bathroom to turn the water off.
“Elliot?” he called. “What is it?”
“Just weird,” she replied after a minute, “being... Having a birthday. Here. Like this.”
He settled back against the pillow. “Come back to bed.”
She did as he asked, obliging him as she slid back under the blankets and covers. The robe was still on, and he pulled at the hem of it playfully. Elliot somehow looked more tired than before; and her eyes didn’t quite meet his, like she was somewhere very far away from him.
“Looks good on you,” he murmured. “Blue’s your color.”
Elliot’s attention snapped to him. “Faith said the same thing.”
“Great minds.”
She rolled her eyes, shifting to the other side in bed so that John could tug her back against his chest, burying his face into her neck. When her breathing finally slowed a little, and regulated, John felt himself finally start to relax.
I can have both, he thought, as he began to drift back off. I can, and I will.
。☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆。
When Elliot awoke the next morning, the first thing that she thought was, I’m late.
It hit her differently in the cold light of day, to think her period was delayed. That’s probably what it was, anyway—a delay. Lots of things could fuck around with the timing of a period, right?
The second thing she thought was, today’s the day.
Things did seem oddly calm, as they went about their morning; they showered, and John kissed her smelling like expensive soap, and his hands went to the places he loved the most—her hips, her hair, her jaw. It was like they’d fallen into a routine with each other, in just this short period of time; but then, she supposed, that was very natural to have happened, considering that they spent so much time with each other now.
“We should do it downstairs,” Elliot said as John busied himself with some coffee. Boomer had sprinted outside at the first opportunity, taking off into the treeline to burn some of his energy off.
“Downstairs?” he asked, glancing at her. “In the room?”
“Seems fitting.”
He shrugged, sliding a cup of coffee her way and leaning across the counter. “Whatever you want, baby.”
The sound of car doors closing and voices outside stirred her attention away from John’s mouth—a wholly distracting thing—but when she turned to see the Seeds walking through the front door of the ranch, she felt her stomach plummet.
“Brought a plus one,” Jacob announced, shoving Burke forward. “Hope you don’t mind.” He fixed Elliot with his gaze. “Caught him snooping around the chapel. Isn’t that weird?”
“I—” Elliot’s brain fuzzed viciously, static biting through all other noise. Burke’s lip was split and he had a nasty black eye forming. Oh, no, she thought, oh, no, no, no, no. This is so fucking bad.
“Anyway,” he continued, “I couldn’t trust anyone to keep an eye on him, so unfortunately, that is now my job.”
“No,” Elliot said abruptly, drawing all eyes on her. “I’m—I don’t want him here.”
“Elliot,” John murmured.
“Then what do you propose I do with him?” Jacob demanded.
“I don’t know, that isn’t my fucking job,” she snapped. With the siblings all looking at her, Burke took a second and very gently, very resolutely, shook his head no.
Her mind went frantic. What does that mean? Does that mean stop kicking up a fuss? Does that mean he got to the radio? Or that he didn’t? What the fuck is the plan, now?
Joseph said, gentle, “I’m afraid we just can’t afford to lose track of him, Elliot.”
She felt fingers brushing hers. John had come around the kitchen island, and now their fingers were interlaced. It felt like she was on some kind of precipice, some great, plunging cliff into a void, and all she could do was stand by hopelessly as everything pushed her towards the edge.
She didn’t want Burke to watch. She didn’t want him to see her let John carve WRATH into her skin, but most of all—most of all, she didn’t want Burke to see that maybe it would feel good, for her, a catharsis.
“Fine,” she managed out after a moment, watching Burke’s eyes flutter shut in what might have been relief. Or suffering. “Fine, whatever.”
“Well,” Joseph murmured, “shall we get started? There’s a full day ahead of us.”
As they moved down the stairs, Elliot swallowed thickly and tried to clear and compose her brain. Everything did feel just a little bit like it was too much. Joseph there, his shoulder brushing hers; Faith and John, chatting like it was nothing to have her sit down in a chair in the middle of the room where she had been kept captive; Jacob, shoving Burke into the room and on his knees.
It was too much. She would just have to pray that Burke had gotten a chance with the radio before Jacob found him.
“We’re going to have to take your shirt off,” John said, moving into her vision, and didn’t sound like he regretted that in the least. A little rush of relief coursed through her when she realized she’d be able to focus on someone familiar—none of Joseph’s prying eyes or Faith’s sweet smiles to unsettle and unseat her. Just her, and John.
“How long is this going to take?” Burke asked, his voice bordering on vicious. Jacob gave him a little jostle.
“Why? You got somewhere to be, friend?”
Elliot barely heard them. Her eyes, her thoughts, were on John; when her shirt was discarded to the side, he skimmed his fingers along her sternum, eyes bright.
“It’s going to look so good,” he murmured, and she knew that he wasn’t paying attention to them, either. He’d seemed disappointed when she asked someone else to be there, but now, it didn’t seem like it mattered at all. “Ready?”
She nodded, feeling a little swoon of adrenaline kick through her body when John left the room and returned with a knife. John looked at her expectantly. The physical acquiescence wasn’t enough.
“Yes,” Elliot said, and John’s eyes fluttered closed just for a moment before he leaned forward and kissed her—hard and open-mouthed, his fingers bruising where they gripped her shoulder.
“Fucking Christ,” Burke ground out, and John pulled away with a wicked grin.
“You and me,” he murmured against her lips, and she nodded.
John sat down. Over his shoulder she could see Burke, sitting on his knees, his face resolutely turned to the side. She turned her gaze away, too, because she didn’t want to see—didn’t want to see Burke sitting there, biting his tongue and trying not to look at her, look at her scars and the one John was going to give her and—
The sting of the first cut barely registered through the fog of her brain. It didn’t quite hit, and then her eyes flickered down and she saw the first stream of red, and it really hit, immediately slicing through the fog of adrenaline to hit sharper, harder, nastier.
Elliot exhaled a stuttering breath. It felt exactly the same as she remembered; it wasn’t so soft, on her chest like this, but it wasn’t an unfamiliar sensation to her either. Something in her brain tripped at the pain, neurons firing rapidly; we know you, they said, as John meticulously carved the W into her skin, we know you, pain, we missed you, missed you missed you missed you.
“John,” she said, because there was a burst of panic going off in her brain like fireworks. The two parts of her—the one that self-preserved, and the one that craved this exact sting and bite—wrestled with the reality of her situation: that she was both doing and not doing the thing she had tried to deprogram out of herself.
“So good, hellcat,” John murmured, his eyes fixed on his work as he started on the R. He was fixated; he was somewhere far away from her, even as close as he was. “It’s going to look so good on you.”
And behind him, Jacob said, “C’mon, Burke, don’t you want to see what your little deputy asked for?”
“Fuck. You,” Burke bit out.
The sting, the bite; the push and pull. Elliot breathed her way through each excruciating moment, and they were excruciating, these moments, because John was utilizing every second that he had her here, like this.
And that was fine. She needed him to; both for her sake, and for Burke’s. 
Something sounded like thundering up ahead, distant but out of place. It gave her a little jolt of panic. If that was what she thought it was, then—
Elliot saw Jacob’s eyes flicker up to the ceiling, narrowing; she managed out, “Slow down,” just as John paused too, to draw his attention back to her. 
“Slower?” John asked, and the way he said it felt intimate, with his eyes fixed on her and his fingers red with her blood.
“Please,” Elliot breathed. Jacob looked at her for a moment, long and hard, but she didn’t meet his eyes; only looked at John, only waited patiently for him to begin.
After a moment, John said, his voice pitched low, “Anything you want.”
“I’ll be back,” Jacob said. He dropped his hand from Burke’s shoulder; John made a non-committal uh-huh sound, finishing off the unsteady cross of the T. She hissed, squirming in her seat at the pain, drawing Jacob’s attention for just a second long before he made his way out of the room.
The H followed next. As soon as he finished, John pulled back to admire his work; there was still a bit of bruising, but most of it was up on her shoulder, not her chest, which was now doused in crimson. Wiping his hands off with a towel, he beamed at her; all teeth and bright eyes.
“What a relief, don’t you think?” Joseph asked, his voice idle and distracted as he glanced up at the ceiling inquisitively. “To have it all out there.”
John flashed a smile at his brother, clearly pleased. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” he said to Elliot, coming to a stand. “We’ll have to let it heal for a while to see how it’s going to scar, and then we can go back in and—”
Before John could finish his sentence, Elliot heard the sound of car doors slamming outside, and Jacob’s voice, asking something in a demand, and then a volley of responses: it was hard to hear, a floor down, but she thought they were saying get down, get down.
“What is going on?” Joseph asked, his voice verging on something other than cool and calm, and the sound of it filled Elliot with a bright spark of joy: yes, she thought viciously, coming to a stand and feeling around for her shirt while her eyes stayed on the Seeds, yes, you fucking cockroach, squirm.
“I don’t know,” John said, stepping toward the door. “Stay here.”
He only took two more steps before the sound of Jacob shouting something above them, followed by a gunshot, and then a loud cacophony of footsteps above them.
“Jacob,” Faith breathed, her eyes wide and panicked. “Something’s happened, Father, we have to—”
“Stay,” John barked out, suddenly all business as he was hauling Burke up to his feet. “I think our friend the Marshal would like to take a look first, make sure nothing is dangerous.”
But Burke was grinning when his feet righted themselves on the ground. He sucked his teeth, looked directly at Joseph, and said, “Time’s up, fuckhead.”
Burke’s words send her stomach somersaulting. So he had gotten to the radio. He had, just in time, which meant he’d been caught just after, and now—
Now he was here, and so were all of the Seeds, too.
I fucking did it, she thought hazily, bracing herself on the chair. Holy shit. I fucking did it.
The sound of footsteps storming down the stairs made John’s eyes flicker to the doorway, and he let go of Burke, gripping the bloodied towel loosely in his hands.
Her heart was thundering in her chest. It was hard to think through the haze of pain, the stinging and burning of the cuts on her chest, but it was there, if she tried hard enough to look: hope.
But Joseph wasn’t looking at John. He was looking at Elliot.
“You,” the Father hissed, as Elliot pulled the shirt away from her chest, sticky-wet with blood. “You did this. I know you did, you fucking locust, I knew it the second you stepped foot in my chapel—brought us all here, rounded us up like lambs for the slaughter—”
“What do you mean?” John demanded. “Elliot has been with me since this whole—”
Things moved very quickly, then: through the fog of pain, Elliot heard one, two, three heavy thuds against the door before wood splintered and came crashing down, the instant array of green sights set on them—all of them, her included—and the sound of voices demanding their hands go up.
Elliot watched Joseph, hands at his sides.
“What. Did. You. Do?” Joseph ground out, his voice vicious, the rage splitting across his face almost as delicious as the fear. Faith was crying, and saying something through her tears, as John lifted his hands obediently.
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see one of the SWAT members hauling Burke out of the room first. She looked at Joseph and arched a brow at him, lifting her hands obediently when the order was shouted again. 
“Oh, Father,” she sighed, her voice cloying and sweet and just between the two of them, “did God not tell you about this part?”
━━━━━━━��━━━━━━━━━━━━
Things were going poorly.
That is to say, Jacob had a gunshot to the shoulder that was currently being patched while he was in handcuffs—“Can’t have you bleeding out on us, can we?” the medic said, a little too gleefully, until Jacob said something along the lines of I’m gonna rip your fucking face off—and Faith was crying, and Joseph was seething, furiously whispering to himself and held in place by one of the other U.S. Marshals.
Elliot was in cuffs, too, but Burke seemed to be talking furiously with the man who had cuffed her, occasionally interrupted when Elliot would try and draw his attention back to John.
This won’t do, he thought, as panic pounded through his body, as his heart hammered against his chest. All of his siblings, in handcuffs, and Elliot too; she was, too, but she looked—
Fine.
She looked fine, and he thought about what she’d said. You can’t have both, and then she’d immediately gone back on that. Of course she had. Of course, because she was wretched and wicked and clever, and she had never truly let go of her hatred for Joseph, but they were married. They were married, and the U.S. government was going to know about it before they stuck her on a stand to testify against any of his siblings.
“I need to speak to her,” John said to the officer holding him. “The woman, there. That’s my—”
“You don’t need to do anything,” the man replied sharply, “except shut your mouth and wait patiently for us to load you and the rest of your fucking brood into the van.”
“She’s my wife,” John bit out viciously. “And she’s in cuffs, I would like to speak with my wife—”
“What did you just say?”
It was Elliot’s voice, sharp and clear and splitting through the distance between them. In the chilly Autumn afternoon, John felt the spike of pure adrenaline race through him at her tone, at the way her head snapped to him and she shouldered her way past Burke. The officer had taken her cuffs off.
Burke said, “Rookie,” in warning, but it didn’t matter, John knew; they had never been able to ignore each other, in love or in war.
“I said,” John reiterated, “you’re my wife.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Elliot demanded.
“That night,” he began urgently, “that night that you were feeling unwell after your walk with Faith, and we talked about leaving—”
Elliot started, her voice hitching, “John, what did you do—”
“—we talked about other things, too,” he plunged on. “I didn’t tell you, Elliot. I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to be the right time. I was going to tell you today, after we were done—I was going to tell you that we talked about it and I asked you if you wanted to marry me, and you told me yes—”
“Stop,” she moaned, agonized. “Stop—fucking—talking—you didn’t, John, you fucking didn’t lie to me again about this thing that you know I hate—”
“And you signed the certificate. It’s back at the compound,” John finished, trying to lean around the officer. “We’re married. You and me, hellcat, just like we say, you and—”
He saw the slap coming before it hit, but it definitely took a few seconds for the pain to actually register in his brain. And oh, then it hit; Elliot had swung her hand with the same amount of force she might have if she were close-fist punching him, but her palm connected with this side of his face and sent a sharp, red-hot shot of pain blooming and blurring behind his eyes.
Dazed, John blinked and tried to focus his attention again as the officer jostled him out of her reach. He was vaguely aware of Burke moving toward them as Elliot gritted out between her teeth, “How fucking dare you.”
“Ell,” John said, and there was blood in his mouth, his lip split from the impact of her hand. “Listen to me—”
Burke, louder and closer: “Elliot.”
“No, you listen to me, you fucking rat!” Elliot’s voice was pitching higher in volume, and higher in frequency and hysteria. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! I told you, I fucking told you what was going to happen if you lied to me again—you fucking—I’m going to fucking kill you—”
John saw Burke sling an arm around Elliot’s waist just as she lunged again, seething and furious, holding her tight against his chest as she clawed at his arms to get free. His mouth against her hair, he said, “Rookie, take a breath.”
“You take a fucking breath!”
He hauled her, all five feet and four inches of her, turning her away from John, like breaking her eyesight with him would save him the trouble of having to cuff her.
“Elliot,” John called, trying to lean past the officer, “I forgive you—”
“Fuck! You!”
“—marriage is hard work, but I know,” he continued, grinning when she finally pulled herself out of Burke’s grip, “that you’re just the woman for the job.”
She stared at him for a long moment. Every line in her expression was pulled tight with fury, and yes—John thought he should have told her sooner, maybe, but if she was going to find out, what better time to find out than in front of the very men who wanted to put her on the stand?
“Don’t you remember what you said last night? You need me,” he tried again, and he could tell the officer holding his shoulders was getting tired of him leaning around all the time. “I love you, Elliot, through sickness and in health, no matter how many—”
“Oh, John,” Elliot breathed out, like she almost couldn’t get a full lungful of air, she was so out of breath. She swayed on her feet exhaustedly, her mouth twisting around the next sentence that came out of her mouth: “I want a fucking divorce.”
The words plunged John straight into a panic, the kind that made it feel like there was a feeding frenzy going on under his skin. This was not how things were supposed to unfold. This was not how it was supposed to go. Elliot was going to be upset, sure—but he had taken great pains to make sure that she knew he was the only thing left for her, after it all. She was supposed to upset, and then see that it had been for her, it was always for her, for them. Everything he’d done, every step he’d taken, every—
She’s mine, he thought, his face still stinging, dull and hot, from her slap. Burke was saying something to her. That’s my fucking wife, whether she likes it or not.
No one was going to take her from him. Not Joseph or Jacob, not Cameron Burke, not even her. No one was going to put a serial murderer and the wife of a religious group’s lawyer on the stand. He’d make fucking sure of that.
“You think you’re gonna move on from this, El?” he demanded, managing to shoulder around the officer to make eye contact with her. His voice came out tight, sharp—slowly and purposefully careening, but he hated the strike of strange hysteria that wormed its way in there, too. “I watched you slaughter at least a hundred people in the name of “justice”—you beat a man to death with a blunt object, and you liked it—”
“Shut the fuck up,” Elliot ground out. She made to move at him, nails digging into her palms, but Burke hooked his arm around her waist and hauled her back again, much like before.
“You think you’re gonna move on and meet some nice little country boy who’s gonna love you even with all that fucking red in your ledger?” Oh, he was careening—all of the control slipping out from between his fingers, like sand. “No fucking way, baby, I’m it for you!”
“Rook,” Burke said, but there was no follow-up which made it worse; Burke said one word—one tiny little pet name—and Elliot’s attention immediately snapped to him.
John had never been made to feel like he was nothing; not like this.
“Look at me,” he snapped, and Elliot’s eyes turned to him; but he saw the fury split across her face, the absolute indignant rage. “You’re going to spend one day back in polite society and come unglued, Elliot Honeysett, and when you fucking do—you’ll be begging for me to take you back, and I guarantee you I fucking won’t.”
“That’s enough,” Burke said, but he was speaking to Elliot, looking at her.
“Maybe,” she hissed, pushing at Burke’s arm as blood seeped through the wound on her chest “you should have considered how I would react to you being a pathological liar before you fucking came inside me, you cunt.”
Her words sent a strange, uncomfortable sensation sprinting down his spine. She couldn’t be, John thought, alluding to—
But she had been surprised when he told her it was her birthday, like she hadn’t realized what day it was, and had said something like, normally by now I’m, and just hadn’t finished her thought. 
“Okay.” Burke pulled her back a few more steps, his voice strained. Pulled her away from him. “We’re taking a walk. You and me, Rookie.”
“What the fuck do you mean?” John called after her, panic rising in his voice. “Elliot? Tell me what you—”
“I mean I’m late, fuckhead,” Elliot spit at him over Burke’s shoulder.
The officer pulled him back towards the truck, dragging him by his arm as Burke took Elliot around the corner of the ranch house. His stomach was lurching nauseatingly, trying to piece it together. Had it been long enough? Of course, it had—it had been over a month, probably, maybe even more because he didn’t know how to keep track of time when he’d been drugged and kidnapped and dragged around.
If she is, he thought, frantic; if she does have my child, if she’s—
“John,” Joseph said, his voice eerily quiet as he was pushed into a sitting position across from his brother. He seemed to have recovered from his outburst earlier; there was an odd grimness about his expression. “We must remain focused.”
“She—” John blinked rapidly, trying to gather his fraying, desperate thoughts. “Joseph, she might—”
Joseph lifted a finger to his lips to signal silence. Jacob’s breathing was labored but controlled, and Faith’s gentle crying had been snuffed out. She’d only been the damsel for a few minutes before she tried to storm her way out of their grip.
“The task at hand,” Joseph cautioned him. “Then, we will figure out what to do for your son.”
My son. The words echoed hazily in his brain as the van doors slammed shut, eclipsing them.
“How do you know?” John demanded. “You know? You know that she’s—with my—”
“Of course,” his brother replied, still keeping his voice soft.
“God told me.”
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
“Take a breath.”
“No.”
“Rookie.” Burke’s voice was hard. “Look at me and take breath.”
She couldn’t. Every inch of her body was screaming—desperate for a reprieve, but there was none to be had because she was still nursing her WRATH wound, because she was heaving out great, panicked breaths between ragged cries.
“I can’t,” Elliot moaned, her hands shaking, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t—”
Burke snagged her hand and pressed it to his neck, just like before, but this time it didn’t do anything; this time, she just felt the spiral hit harder, the overwhelming sensation of touching and being touched sending her brain sprinting in panic.
She yanked her hand out of his grip and clutched her knees to her chest, ignoring the warm seep of blood even against the bandages the medic had patched her with and the sting of the pressure of her bones pressed up against the wound.
Burke stayed, and she noticed. He stayed, and he didn’t have to—he was done, free, could leave and go home—but he stayed sitting there with her, against the side of the Seed ranch, wherein many ways, things for her had began.
So, she cried; she sobbed into her jeans until she thought she was going to be dizzy from gasping for air, and Burke stayed, and waited until her hand fumbled for his blindly before he touched her again. His fingers gripped hers, firm and soothing.
“Is it true?” he asked, when she had stopped her crying, when she had breathed so much there was too much oxygen in her brain. His gaze flickered over her. “That you’re… With that fucker’s…”
“I don’t know,” Elliot replied, exhausted. “I’m—fuck, I’m late, and I didn’t realize until yesterday, because it’s been so fucking—”
Burke passed his free hand over his face. “Jesus Christ.”
“I’m sorry,” and the words came out of her agonized; because she could hear the disappointment in his voice, or what she thought was disappointment. “I thought—I thought he—Burke, I—”
“I know, Rook,” Burke murmured, not unkindly. “Just focus on breathing. I know.”
A few more moments of silence passed between them, filled only with the sound of voices and out and the kick of an engine starting and pulling out from the ranch. After her breathing had evened out again, Burke said, “They’re going to be retrieving Kian’s body.”
Elliot stared at the ground, feeling numb. He didn’t have to say; she knew what that meant. Government officials were going to see what she’d done to Kian. They were going to see it, and see that she was legally married to one of them, and see that she was carrying the child of one of them, and see her history, and all of these things were going to add up.
The picture was not going to be a good one.
“I’ve gotta take you in, Rook,” Burke said quietly. “At the very least, to a therapist.”
She sniffed. I love you, John had said, after he’d lied. Lied, and lied, and lied, and used her, and lied, and if he loved her, he didn’t love her in any way that she understood.
“Okay,” she whispered.
“It’s gonna be okay.”
“Yeah.”
“I know what you’ve been through, and you know I’ll vouch for you. I saw firsthand the kind of—the shit that was going on,” he insisted. “I just—want you to have a realistic picture of what it’s gonna look like, when we get back. They’re gonna autopsy Kian’s body, and—”
She took in a long, suffering breath. “I’m really tired,” Elliot said, her voice breaking a little. “Can we—are we going straight there, or?”
Burke paused, his expression softening, and shook his head. “We’ll hit a motel or two along the way.”
Elliot nodded, closing her eyes and pressing her face back into her knees. She stayed like that for a while; it was hard to tell how much time passed, but eventually, someone came around the corner and said something to Burke, and he tugged her to her feet and walked her to the car.
The sensation of Burke’s hand slipping out of hers sent another burst of panic flooding through her; her body was so tired, so very fucking tired of managing the adrenaline, but the more she tried to calm down the more tired she got.
“I want to stay with you,” she said, feeling hazy and tightening her hand around Burke’s. The Marshal looked at her for a long moment and then nodded.
“Alright, kid,” he murmured, reaching up and squeezing her shoulder. “We’ll stick together.”
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Time passed differently, after that. Elliot couldn’t have said how long it took them to get to the first motel; it couldn’t have been seconds, or minutes, or months for all that she knew. She was numb when they set her up in a motel room with two beds, she was numb when they checked her scar and redressed it.
“Fucking Christ,” the medic said under his breath when he saw the WRATH wound, still hot and trying its best to scab over. “You poor thing.”
It’s not me, Elliot thought miserably, opening her mouth; but no words would come. All she could think was, I asked for this, I’m not the poor thing, please don’t.
“Hey,” Burke barked out, his voice sharp as he took in Elliot’s crumpling expression. “Let’s get it cleaned and let her sleep, buddy.”
The medic nodded, thoroughly scolded, and worked quickly after that. When he’d finished and she had swallowed two Tylenol dutifully, Burke watched her climb under the covers of the bed and said, “I’ve gotta make a call. You okay in here?”
She swallowed thickly. He was looking at her like he was wary of her. The same way Whitehorse had looked at her.
“Yeah,” Elliot murmured. “I’m fine.”
He gave her a tight, tired smile and then stepped out of the motel room, closing the door behind him. Silence lingered there for a little while; Elliot tried to close her eyes and sleep, her fingers brushing through Boomer’s fur as he dozed, but the low, murmuring sound of Burke talking just outside stirred her anxiety, and each time she closed her eyes she just saw John’s face.
John, holding her face and kissing her, You and me. John, burying his face into her neck, I love you.
John, their noses brushing, We can have a place to belong, Elliot.
John, vicious and unyielding, I’m it for you.
She lurched out of the bed, pushing her way into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her just in time to lean over the toilet and throw up whatever was left in her stomach—which wasn’t much, if the amount of dry-heaving were any indication. Bile burned at the back of her throat, and she thought if she didn’t get a breath of air she was going to fucking die.
Elliot pushed the window open and tried to steady her breathing. Rinsing her mouth out in the sink, she shut the water off and paused, looking at herself in the mirror.
The person that looked back at her was unfamiliar. A stranger. She blinked rapidly, trying to steady herself, but each time she did, she felt less and less familiar with the gaunt, sharp-faced, dark-eyed stranger gazing back at her from the mirror. Some bruises along her neck and shoulders still remained.
Who are you? She thought, tiredly. The one that killed all of those peggies? The one that killed Kian? Why don’t I recognize you?
“... understand that, sir, it’s just—if you saw what was going on...”
Burke’s voice drifted in through the window. He must have been pacing, because the volume of his words drifted and moved, as though he were walking around the corner and then back again.
His footsteps paused. “No, I have not read the autopsy report yet. I didn’t think it pertinent at this time, considering we only just—”
She heard Burke’s words cut abruptly, the sound of his breath leaving him in a sharp exhale, and then he said, “Jesus Christ. No, I didn’t know.”
Oh, she thought hazily, oh, he knows. He knows what I did.
Her body moved automatically. Something inside of her kicked—we’re not done yet, it said, ferocious and furious, sinking its teeth into her and operating her body outside of her own executive function. We’re not fucking done yet.
Elliot pulled her sweater and her shoes on. The late autumn chill drifting through the open window made her mind feel sharp, and clear, and she thought, somthing has to be done, and I’ll fucking do it.
She stuffed a couple of things that felt essential into a bag—painkillers, bottles of water from the fridge, Burke’s gun he’d left on the nightstand closest to the door—and then waited until she heard his footsteps pacing around the corner again before she ducked out of the window.
When she looked back, Boomer had already leapt through the window after her. His eyes were on her, bright, ready.
And then she ran.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
She’s twenty-six, and she’s in a bar.
Or that’s how it would go, anyway, if she was asleep. If she were dreaming, or remembering. But she wasn’t. Elliot was twenty-six, and she was in a bar, and she wasn’t waiting for her best friend to come back with a different drink, and she wasn’t making eyes at a handsome blue-eyed stranger from across the bar. He wouldn’t come over and call her beautiful, and he wouldn’t make her want to be kissed by someone whose face looked a little sharp, and she wouldn’t one day think that maybe she was in love with him.
I’m just a girl, she thought tiredly, staring at the water glass on the counter in front of her. This wasn’t supposed to be my life.
But it was. It was her life. Here she was, sitting in a seedy bar halfway to Georgia, with a U.S. Marshal’s gun she’d lifted sitting in her bag. She’d hitch-hiked a ride back into Fall’s End, grabbed what remained of her things—her ID, what little cash she still had on her, a debit card she was too paranoid to use, dog food—and then she’d taken the jeep parked out behind the Keller’s old place and drove.
And drove. And drove. And drove.
Now, she was twenty-six, sitting in a bar, and there is no Joey coming to rescue her, and there is no John to be a monster that she needed rescuing from.
I’m just a girl. This wasn’t supposed to be my life.
She left the cash for her water on the bar top, hauling herself out of the stool and back out into the parking lot. It was late; the sky was speckled with stars; if she thought hard enough, if she really thought about, Elliot thought maybe, somewhere inside of her, she was going to be okay.
As she climbed into the driver’s seat of the jeep, Elliot turned the key into the ignition and reached into a grocery store bag on the passenger seat, fumbling around for the cigarettes she’d purchased. Her fingers hit hard plastic and she glanced over.
The two little tiny lines on the pregnancy test stared back at her. Her stomach lurched, nausea welling up inside of her, and she tossed the hard plastic back into the bag and left the cigarettes untouched. Boomer, dozing in the back seat, pricked his ears forward and looked at her inquisitively.
She was just a girl. This wasn’t supposed to be her life. But it was—and there was only one place left to go from here.
Home.
19 notes · View notes
sincerelyreidburke · 5 years ago
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Boy Scout Dex drabble time!!!!!! (S/o @bitsfordays for talking this through with me like 10 days ago and creating this concept in my head)
Anyway, CCU, Nursey goes home with Dex for senior-year Thanksgiving, let’s have a field day.
//
It’s not that Derek is scared of Will’s parents.
After all, he’s met them before. He’s pretty sure the first time he met them, at least distantly, was Family Weekend freshman year. They know who he is, and they’ve always been nice to him. When he first met Will, he was sure that he came from the type of family who would cast judgement on him without knowing anything about him, based only on the way he looks. He’s known plenty of those types of people— at Andover, back home in New York, even at Samwell. It’s a part of life. He was sure that Will came from that type of environment.
But he was wrong. Three years later, it turns out, there are a lot of things about Will he was wrong about.
And so here he is, spending Thanksgiving with the Poindexters in Maine.
He should be okay. He shouldn’t be intimidated. After all, he isn’t scared of them. They’re kind people, and he knows it full well. They were the ones who extended the invitation, who wanted him here, to share their family holiday with them.
It’s just… the way they invited him, as Will’s friend, and what he actually is to Will, these days, are two different things.
It’s okay, though. Derek knows how to stay firmly closeted around people who can’t know. This is nothing new. It doesn’t make it easy, but at least he knows how to do it.
The point is: he’s not afraid of Will’s parents. But he does sort of care an awful lot about what they think of him.
Not that he’d admit it. At least, not to them, or to Will, or to anyone, really— except maybe Chowder, a few drinks in at a kegster, spouting off anything and everything about all of his love for Will and hope for their future. But he’s not so sure that telling Will he’s been anxious for days about making the right impression on his potential future in-laws (God, he hopes) would be the best idea. He’ll tell him later, maybe.
He has to get through this Thanksgiving break first.
So when Mrs. Poindexter is giving him the tour of the house upon his first arrival, he’s on high alert.
Chill Mode is a hundred percent activated; it’s in overdrive, in fact. He trails her, a short lady with strawberry blond hair who he’s pretty sure is simultaneously the sweetest thing ever and also the most likely person to kick somebody’s ass given the opportunity. She brings him to the bedroom he’ll be staying in, to drop his stuff— Will’s room, the one he used to share with his brother; there are still two beds, Mrs. Poindexter explains, because Drew only moved out a few years ago, which works out just great for you two, doesn’t it?
(Ha. Derek wonders if he can get away with some funny business once the bedroom door is shut tonight. He’s not sure he wants to test the waters with Will’s parents, but then again, if he was extra careful to keep Will quiet…)
Not the point, not the point. Derek is chill. He’s doing the tour of Will’s childhood home, the space he grew up in, trying to see all the imprints of his memory in the worn floorboards and the old furniture. “You have a lovely home,” he tells Mrs. Poindexter in the living room. She smiles at him like this is the best thing he could’ve said.
“Well, thank you, Derek,” she replies, gracious and kind. “It’s nothing all too fancy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Derek shrugs, flashing an effortless smile, and replies, “Fancy is overrated.”
Mrs. Poindexter chuckles. Over his mother’s shoulder, Derek watches Will as his face washes with relief. Derek knows what he’s thinking. This is going well.
Derek hunts for more things to compliment, and his eyes land on a series of photos on the wall next to the fireplace. “Oh!” he says, with a smile, as he steps towards them. One of the pictures features Will in a cap and gown, in what Derek recognizes as the front yard of this very house. “Will, was this your graduation?”
Will nods, and so does Mrs. Poindexter. “It was a beautiful day,” she remarks. “And look at the weigela in bloom right behind him; aren’t they nice?”
Derek nods like he has any idea what plant she’s talking about. There’s a big pink bush over Graduation Will’s left shoulder, so he’s guessing it’s that. “They’re great.”
“We’ll need another one soon,” Mrs. Poindexter hums, with a smile, and then puts her hands up in a frame shape like she’s imagining just where it’ll go on her wall. “When you boys finish this year.”
“God, Ma,” Will mumbles, with a smile that might be real or might be forced. “Not so fast. We’ve still got over half a year.”
Mrs. Poindexter laughs. “I know,” she replies. “I’m just teasing. But it’s gone by so fast, hasn’t it?”
Derek catches Will’s eye, and answers for both of them. “Quicker than anything.” He pauses, smiles at him. “But it’s been a good run.”
Will smiles back, just a tiny bit, and then looks back at the pictures as if they aren’t on the wall in his own living room in the house he lives in. Derek follows suit, and this time, he catches sight of one below the graduation one, of Will with just his parents in some kind of banquet hall.
Derek squints at the picture. He does a double take.
What is Will wearing?
It’s…… he’s in some kind of a sailor outfit. It’s white on the top and bottom, with a hat and a dark necktie and a bunch of pins or maybe patches near the collar. His parents are in regular dressed-up clothes, his dad in a suit and his mom in a dress, and they both look as proud as can be.
Derek looks between picture-Dex and the Dex next to him, who is in distinctly non-sailor clothing, just a trademark flannel and jeans. Dex looks younger in the photo, but not that young. It’s from high school, for sure.
“Will,” he says slowly. “Is there a story behind this picture?”
Will looks where he’s looking, and then pauses to look right at Derek, like he’s trying to figure out if Derek is about to make fun of him. During his silence, Mrs. Poindexter chimes in. “Oh, that one!” She smiles huge, the trademark of a proud mother. “That was his Quartermaster ceremony.”
Derek looks back at the picture. Steadily, the joy of this fascinating new discovery about the man he’s been in love with for 2+ years starts to register. There is a story behind this picture. And he thinks he’s about to hear it. “Quartermaster?”
Will lets out a gentle sigh, tucking his hands into his pockets, and says, kind of unceremoniously, “I was a Boy Scout.”
This, Derek was aware of. Will occasionally makes cracks about being prepared or lets an offhanded comment loose about his scouting days. But Derek hasn’t ever heard a word about quartermasters, whatever they are. And he definitely hasn’t seen this sailor outfit.
He looks at the picture. Will looks cute. Cute enough that he’s feeling some type of way about it. His hair is a little long— at least, long for Dex; it’s still short in general— and it’s sideswept a little under his hat, from which his ears stick out underneath. His necktie is just a little crooked to one side. Even his shoes are white.
He looks like some kind of old-timey boat guy. And Derek is kind of thinking he needs to show the group chat immediately.
“I feel like you should tell me more,” he replies, grinning up at Will.
Mrs. Poindexter nudges Will from the other side. “Oh, darling, you should,” she says. “You’ve never told Derek about scouting?”
“Oh, I’ve told him,” Will replies, but his tone is fully conscious of the fact that she’s going to have him tell Derek again, and Derek has literally never been more pleased with a situation.
He pulls out his phone, snaps a picture of the picture, and saves it for later.
For now, he’s going to hear this story.
BONUS:
Samwell Men’s Hockey 2017-18
Nursey sent a photo to the group
Nursey: everybody
Nursey: PLEASE look at my boyfriend
Nursey: i am a.) dying, and b.) also in love
Dex disliked a photo
Dex: Stop being corny on main
Chowder loved a photo
Chowder: omg!!!!!!!!!!!
Chowder: dex where is that from!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ford loved a photo
Ford: DEX WERE YOU IN ANYTHING GOES?
Dex: Looooool, no. Sea Scouts.
Dex: Like Boy Scouts but w/ sailing.
Tango emphasized a photo
Tango: tahts so cool???
Chowder: dex how come i never knew this!!!!!!!!!!!
Nursey: to be fair i also didn’t know this until like 20 minutes ago
Nursey: lol
Hops: Omg you look like sailor moon!
Dex: I wish I knew what that meant
Nursey: hops you’re my hero
Hops: Thanks nursey!
Hops: :D
Nursey: guys i can’t even
Nursey: he looks so cute
Ford: This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.
Bully: nothing but respect for MY captain
Nursey: OH CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN
Chowder: sailor dex sailor dex sailor dex!!!!!!!!!
Ford: Brb changing group chat photo
Nursey: ily ford
Chowder: we should put this on shirts!!!!
Louis: Dexy the sailor man
Dex: Derek, Im going to blcok you
Nursey: love you bby
Dex: GROSS
Rhodey: is group chat flirting a fine
Bully: It should be
129 notes · View notes
nc7dr3am · 4 years ago
Text
LILY’s RELTIONSHIPS WITH THE DREAMIES
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MARKLY:
so their ship name is just his full name LMAO
they love it
so yknow how dream clowns mark?
obviously she does too
but she’s more gentle and has a TON of respect for mark
“minhyung oppa is extremely hardworking ... he’s always working to be his absolute best and he is so kind and down to earth”
they’re actually a really soft duo
because like. mark is truly her big brother
he cares for her a lot and helped her so much during her debut
he helps her practice her dancing (even after he left dream)
because she trusts him a lot and he know the exact way to help her
but yeah she still clowns him
calls him old man all of the time
but she was full on SOBBING at their last concert with mark
like she had to move her mic because it was so bad
mark isn’t too big on the pda but when they’re together he always lets his baby sister give him so many hugs
when sm told them that mark was coming back and they were a fixed unit ... god she cried a lot then too
she was so happy
“lily is actually so sweet guys. like, she’s so genuine. she cares a lot for all of us and she’s also so intelligent? she’s always reading” - mark when asked about her on vlive
he’s trying to teach her guitar but the only instrument she formally knows is violin
her skill with the bass is self taught and she doesn’t know actual notes so she applies that to guitar and mark is trying to ACTUALLY teach her
mark also understands her well because they were both raised in the west
she expresses herself better in english and mark is always there to understand and listen
they’re just actual siblings and love each other so much
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LILJUN:
firstly
lily makes renjun look a lot taller
she doesn’t ever make fun of his height and gets mad at the other dreamies when they do
she clowns his voice crack tho HAH
lowkey the savage duo
lily is more secretly savage though
renjun is the one allowed in her room the most
he works on his art and she reads or writes or practices violin
they have a lot of quiet moments
but they also get silly together
so lily doesn’t think about the universe deeply because she lowkey thinks it’s a waste of her time
like .. she’ll never know and she’s fine with that so why dwell on it
HOWEVER she really believes in aliens and she and renjun legit have sat for hours looking online ab alien shit
they’re also both so smart
and she’s always talking about how much she admires renjun’s brain
stans his vocal talent. like. she’s loud about it
fans love this duo a lot nd they have a lot of romantic shippers
even tho .. they have never liked each other that way LMAO
at the airport she links arms with him a lot and they look like they’re gossiping hhhhh
when the dreamies are being too much they just look at each other and fans love that shit
also they’re both arguably the scariest members
renjun because... duh y’all know him
but lily doesn’t get annoyed often. when she does... there’s hell to pay and she has a good punch
“renjun oppa is so good at korean! i’m actually korean and he speaks it better than i do!”
“that’s because i’m smarter than you”
“do you want to die?”
basically just a really close pair! they’re always there for each other 🥺
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JENLY:
she openly says that jeno is the cutest member
“he’s the most adorable person ever! his eyesmile is too cute”
the way she laughed when jeno ripped his shirt off-
she clowned him for DAYS
every time she was wearing a jacket or cardigan she ripped it off and mocked him
also whenever she’s drinking something around him she recreates his milk cf
also!!! she thinks jeno is so funny
she loves him and his humor
she and jeno have a really really deep bond.
he saw her journal (refer to my post about her room) and he’ll take what he read to the grave
he checks in on her a lot because he knows when she’s hurting
when they were trainees she was struck by how kind he was to her
and they were stuck together ever since
lily hasn’t ever been mad at him ONCE
they’re arguably the softest duo
they have a lot of romantic shippers too but
again
it’s a no
she’s a big nomin shipper too like unironically she thinks there’s something there
she always hypes his vocals!! he doesn’t get to sing enough >:(
he’s also her biggest cheerleader and when she cries and gets upset about her dancing he always pulls her aside and consoles her 🥺
he helps her with writing songs too!
wholesome beautiful friendship
they go out to eat a lot
jeno also helps her paint her nails LMAO
and they ride bikes together a lot
can’t commit to working out with him though because it’s way too much for her to do all that
lily also bakes a lot. and jeno appreciates that. a LOT
they’re best friends. she even bought them stupid girly heart bracelets that connect together LMAO
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JIHYUCK:
so much affection!!!!
she is such a hyuck stan
“haechannie is my bias!!”
always calls him fullsun (in english)
number one hyuck skin enthusiast!! she thinks he’s gorgeous and glows brighter than all of them
also she loves his singing and thinks his vocal tone is so unique
always laughs at his jokes and finds him hilarious
he doesn’t prank her as much as the others because he’s actually so sweet to her
he’s used to having a younger sister and thinks of lily as his little sister
they constantly text and facetime a lot since they live in different dorms
she’s lowkey whipped for him and he’s whipped for her
not in a romantic way tho!
another member who always eats her baking
they learn girl group dances together
now we all know damn well that hyuck is the sweetest boy and so full of love
but we also know he annoys the shit out of the members
jimin is NO exception
he pokes fun at her and mocks her all the time
so she slaps him in the back of the head LMAOO
when does she actually get mad tho? when he shows up at the dorms and enters her room without permission
cue her chasing him around the dorms with murder in her eyes
yknow the vine where it’s like
“let me see what you have?”
“a KNIFE”
“NO”
that’s the other guys making sure hyuck doesn’t get brutally murdered
because lily can pack a punch
all in all though, they’re a great duo and they’re always so proud of each other
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JAEJIMIN:
okay jaemin babies the FUCK outta her
he always takes care of her and talks to her about her concerns and vice versa
he was so happy for her when she debuted and was sad he couldn’t be there for it
she visited him all the time when he was gone
and she was heartbroken that he wasn’t with dream
she is a BIG 8dream stan because they are a family
but yeah fans can’t even ship them romantically because they know lily is his lil baby
she helps him with his english
and he always compliments her singing and dancing
proud of her songwriting
so much affection
even tho she hates when he pinches her cheeks n calls her cute
when he came back during go she was overjoyed
“go is our special era! we were all reunited~~”
he always wanted a sister and now he has one <3
she drinks a lot of coffee but not as much as him and was so worried about his health
they’re the biggest flirts w czennies
you’ll always find them with their arms linked in the airport
and everywhere really
during empathy era she was always hugging jaemin’s side
they also do a lot of lives together!!
such cute bffs
she is a big nomin stan like i said
name twins and they always tell everyone that they’re actual siblings
jaemin’s mom is so fond of her and treats her like her own daughter
HE REALLY TRIES TO GIVE HER FASHION ADVICE AND GIVE INPUT ON HOW HER HAIR SHOULD LOOK FOR COMEBACKS
they’re really true siblings and best friends 🥺
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LILLE:
THESE MFS ARE BEST FRIENDS
01’ liners and so similar in ages but he ALWAYS brings up that he’s older
they compete over a lot
literally everything is a competition
she’s at her most childish with him
they also make lots of bets and she usually wins
clowns him for those predebut pics LOL
SHE ALWAYS SEND THEM IN THE GC AND EVEN POSTS THEM ON BUBBLE N SHIT HAHA
they can be really soft but will never admit it even if they are caught on camera
they’re pretty calm if they’re cooking together
he is Banned™️ from her room and she won’t budge at all
“chenle isn’t allowed in my room because he will disturb my peace”
remember on that one ep of weekly idol where chenle was SCREAMING while they did aegyo
yeah it’s louder when lily does aegyo
u didn’t hear it from me but her aegyo is SO cute it’s not as cringey as the others
but chenle hates it because she’s cute and he wants to clown her but he CANT
really proud of each other. super proud of each other
chenle has sat with her as she’s cried a lot. and comforted her. and it always stays between them.
she’s always there for him too
a LOT of fans have suspected that there’s something there
his mom loves her so much!!!!!
when she and jisung went to his house they were BAFFLED and impressed
“something bothers me a lot. one day, chenle woke up and looked grown up. he used to have chubby cheeks and looked like a kid and now he looks like an adult and has such defined cheekbones. it’s so strange”
when they became adults they got SHITFACED DRUNK
they definitely don’t say it a lot and when they do it’s in private (even tho everyone knows)
but they really love each other 🥺
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LILJI:
jisung and lily is
p o p u l a r
with fans
because fans put together the pieces that jisung had a crush on lily during debut
lily thought it was sweet because jisung was always so cute and young
she saw him as a little kid
they used to not have MANY interactions
she always laughs when jisung is bein funny
and is in AWE of his dancing
he always assures her when she gets upset about her dancing
lilchenji is an ICONIC friendship
they watch a lot of movies together
she’s been on chenjis this and that a few times
remember that live when nomin got all in each other’s faces while chenji just froze and looked at them and then looked at the camera and looked real shocked
she was there and the three of them were like 😶
so yeah when jisung started getting really tall lily was real confused
and then somehow
during go and we go up
jisung started looking different. like. more grown up
and he had more confidence and talked to her more
and lily was like 😳😳
but spoilers so i won’t go too deep into that
they’re really good friends these days tho
the fans LOVE THEM it’s such a popular ship
at the dream shows when they sing bye my first
the song that lily famously LOVES
yknow that one line jisung has where the music goes quiet and he goes
“na geuttaeneun cham eoryeosseo”
blessed line it was beautiful
anyway at the dream show jisung would hold the mic to lily and have her sing the line or they’d duet it
and their eye contact!!!! and lily’s SMILE IS SO BRIGHT
stars in their eyes
um anyway!! they’re great friends nd very shippable for. reasons!
author’s note! i’m also a ‘01 liner! so don’t think it’s weird if i’m writing a jisung romance LMAO or who knows if it’ll be jisung? 👀👀
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baka-kawa · 4 years ago
Text
Aobajohsai HC: simping for manager
Request | “Hello luv💗 just wanna say ur prev hcs are ✨exquisite✨ (look at me using big mature-ish words👁) Can u please do hcs for the team/s (specifically nekoma, seijoh, inarizaki. Feel free to change the teams tho,,) simping on their manager (reader) and protecting her from flirts from other schools? Hope it’s not confusing 😅 thank you sweetheart 💖💖💖
Notes | I’m so excited to write this :)) I will only be writing for the boys I have listed on my masterlist since I don’t know enough about the other characters to write about them. Hope you enjoy reading this :)
Oikawa
in my eyes oikawa is quite possessive
and so when you became their manager
oh boy,,
he keeps an eye on you at all times at games
he knows certain players on opposing teams and how predatory they can be
so he doesn’t feel comfortable w the possibility that if you aren’t in sight
bc you could possibly be cornered by a group of scary men
it’s platonic ofc
at least that’s what he tells himself
anyways
if he sees a guy even looking your way or attempting to speak to you,,
he’s there immediately
but he plays it off w you
just distracting you
and when your focused on something he’s showing you
he shoots the smuggest glance at any guy
or girl
pretty much saying
“you jealous? you should be, only I can touch her this way”
you seem so innocent to him
he wants to protect you at all costs
eventually he’ll break and fall for you
but whether something happens or not is up to you
bc shitty-kawa is a simp
but also a wimp
too scared to actually make a move to make something official
Iwaizumi
I can’t imagine Iwa being a simp lol
gentleman or sweetheart feels like a more suitable label for him
he knows boundaries
Iwa usually takes manager stress off of you
he asks what your tasks for the day are
and then he’ll do them quietly throughout the day
then you’re like
uhm
wtf
I don’t remember doing that
who tf did it?
eventually you catch on
and the pout on your face makes Iwa’s stomach flip
ffs why did you have to look so cute?
he’d simply shrug and say he had free time
you quickly became known as the mom of the team
and you always took care of the boys
whether it be cleaning up after them
or providing snacks and drinks
setting up little outings outside of practice or games
or even giving one on one talks whenever they’re having bad days or they’ve just lost a game
after some time of Iwa slowly caught feelings for his manager
and without thinking much about it
he’d take on the role of the dad of the team
he’d take care of you
making sure you had everything you needed
food
water
somewhere to sit
he even let you rest your head against him
the whole team knows he simps for you a thousand times more than any of them
but only shitty-kawa pushes him about it
Iwa continues to take care of you 
if you want anything to happen though
you’d have to make the move
this sweetheart is too polite to put you in an awkward situation w the possibility that you don’t feel the same way
Kindaichi
this dude is a little hard to read
he doesn’t seem to care much
yeah you’re his manager
what about it?
he wouldn’t really simp
he’d be polite
and help out if he’s staying late for practice and you’re cleaning up
but other than that
he doesn’t really interact w you much
the only reason he’d go out of his way to simp for you
it’d have to be bc he has some sort of feelings for you
mmmm
let’s see
if he did simp
he’d be a real nervous boy around you
stuttering
he’d giggle a lot
scratching the back of his neck
if some other boy was taking your attention
his game would be off
he’d be screwing up so much 
even if you weren’t entertaining the guy or showing any interest
his own insecurities would overwhelm him and he’d play frustrated
it wasn’t until the coach pulled him from the game that you kneeled in front of him as he sat on the bench w his head in his hands
boy
he’d fucking die internally the moment you both made eye contact
bitch
the feeling of your hands holding his in his lap
dear lord
he’d probably have a nose bleed
“what’s going on out there? what’s on your mind?”
your eyes looking up at him would put him in a trance
he was focused on the sensation
the feeling of your hands
the close proximity
your eyes
he didn’t want to forget this moment
“daichi? helloo?”
“s-sorry, idk what’s-”
he realized he couldn’t play without a clear head
and the only way he could clear his head was if he confessed to his manager
“y/n I like you, I like you and I can’t think straight when I see you with other guys-”
oh my god
he really said that
anyways
you’d giggle a little
“i know”
ofc you knew
you liked the boy too
you kissed his cheek and whispered word of encouragement briefly before sitting in your respected seat
after that occurrence
god
he’d simp so hard
think of a mini oikawa without intimidation
he wasn’t as possessive
but he’d make sure you had everything you needed
always made sure no one screwed w you
and waited w you if other team members wanted to practice late
even when he didn’t feel like practicing
just bc you hated leaving unless you closed the gym yourself
just bc some of the boys were lazy w clean up
and there were a few instances in which some of the boys forgot to lock up
the coach chewed you out for that
but yeah
kindaichi became a total simp for you after that
Kyotani
he’s interesting
i think it’s bc of his mad dog nickname that I feel this way
but he’s like a dog
a territorial dog
claiming what’s his
and he’s like a more aggressive oikawa
if he sees any other teams talking to you
he’s there in the background glaring at them
if anyone disrespects you
oh boy
they need to prepare to get shewed out by him
eventually he realizes he’s acting this way bc he has some sort of feelings for you
he doesn’t bother wasting time
this boy just goes straight up to you
“let’s go out.”
and you are a lil sassy so you respond
“a please would be nice.”
“wi-will you please go on a date with me.”
“I’d love to Kyo-”
“call me Kentaro, pl-please.”
you just smile
and this boy is at your will
not much else to say
he simps in the most masculine way possible
just very territorial in public
but in the privacy between you both
he’s a little like Kunimi
he’s very soft
like a cute little puppy that wants nothing more from you but your love and affection
you can bet that he’d destroy anyone on the team if they leave a mess in the gym or cause you to get in trouble for them
it’s awesome
Kunimi
this boy
very quiet
chill
to himself
like kindaichi, he’d probably simp if he had a thing for you
it started out as respect for his manager
just helping you w clean up or whatever
mainly sits next to you in the bus
only bc you can be quite timid and quiet
he’s drawn to that kind of thing
allows him to sleep in peace
and he knows the other boys wouldn’t mess w you so they wouldn’t mess w him either since he’d use you as a shield
after seeing another team’s captain probably terushima that’s when he’d snap
but he’d never act out in a crazy manner
he’d simply grab a hold of your wrist
the same one that terushima was reaching for
and shoot the captain a stare that shot through his soul
“sorry she’s taken.”
shock from you and a few boys from the team that heard his words
terushima would eventually back off 
and when you question his prior words
he just blatantly confesses
“I like you and I don’t need other guys thinking they stand a chance with you.”
“Kuni-”
boy would pull you into a whole kiss
the team would fucking die
Kunimi Akira
the man who could care less
just confessed and made the first move all in one go?
chaos would erupt in the team
you’d be a whole tomato afterwards
as Kunimi would look as content as ever
“call me Akira please.”
bitch okay yes sir
I got carried away sorry about that lol
but it was necessary for context
but yeah
he’d totally simp afterwards
but only behind closed doors
he’d be so soft with you
always wanting cuddles
and treating you like a baby when you’re sick or going through depression periods
he’d take your calls or text at any hour
and come over the second you ask 
and he has all the supplies whenever you’re on your period
he just fucking loves you dude
and the fact that you’re their manager?
god he lives for that
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harringrovetrashrat · 5 years ago
Note
hi, you take requests, right? Mind if I make one? Something post season 3. In my head, I imagine being the Mindflayer's host probably has some nasty side effects. I mean, the the thing forced itself physically inside his head. That's bound to mess you up. It left Billy with a brain injury that manifests itself in seizures. One night, Neil hits Billy and triggers a really bad one. From there it's just lots of angsty worried Steve and some worried Max and that's it. Thanks, friend!
I def take requests!  Can’t say that I’ll be able to get to them right away, but I’m always looking for inspo!  I did some research on seizures, so that took me a moment, and then this kinda got away from me, lol.
Anyway, anon, I sincerely hope that you enjoy this and that it has most of what you asked for~! (Fic below the cut)
When Billy had been impaled, he’d been relieved. It was over, finally over. He had lain there, staring up, a blurry Max yelling above him. He hoped he said his apology and didn’t just think it. He hoped that maybe she would mourn him, even for just a little while.
And then he’d woken up in the hospital, confused about where he was, who he was, and unable to make his mouth work. He thought words, lots of them, mostly what the fuck? Then there’d been a redhead, someone he knew he should know, but didn’t, and then he was asleep again.
That happened a few more times before Billy was able to wake up without freaking out. A nurse had stood above him, saying something, but he couldn’t figure it out at first. Finally, after she repeated it a few times, he was able to gather enough to understand that he’d “lived through a fire and the mall collapsing,” but had gotten a collapsed lung and a traumatic brain injury. That recovery was going to be long and hard and wasn’t even a full guarantee.
He wondered why he was alive.
It took a few months, but Billy was finally able to walk and eat with little difficulty, though he had bad days and his hands trembled when he was stressed. Talking was still difficult. His sentences were stilted and short, words rattling around in his head, but he couldn’t get his mouth to say them. To say what he meant. It drove him crazy.
And when he finally returned home, it pissed his father the fuck off.
“Spit it out!” Neil had yelled, back handing Billy as he had been trying to respond to Neil’s question about what Billy’s plans for the future were. Because of course he was angry that Billy had lived. Was now a burden who was fucking useless, taking up space in his house. And Billy had nothing. Truly nothing. Because what could he say? I’m going to go get an apartment while I can barely ask Susan for a ride?
And of course, he couldn’t say any of that. So Neil had hit him, and Billy, well, he wasn’t in shape anymore. Had needed to relearn how to walk, so he fell. He hit the wall, knocking his head against it. And it made his head spin and spin and spinand–
And he went down, collapsing and panicking because he couldn’t control himself, couldn’t move, couldn’t stop twitching–
“Stop being dramatic,” Neil had spit out, kicking Billy in the side with his boot. But Billy didn’t get up, just laid there, crumpled, eyes wide as he jerked slightly, fingers twitching. Neil frowned. “Get up,” he ordered. Billy didn’t. “Get up,” he tried again, but sweat began to bead on his forehead. “I fucking said get up!” He kicked Billy again, harder, but he stayed down, not even emitting a sound of pain. “Fuck,” Neil hissed. “Fuck!” And he ran. Grabbed his coat and ran.
When Max came into the hall, having heard yelling and the door slam, she saw Billy and screamed. He didn’t do anything more than jerk, a small whimper escaping from his lips.
“Billy!” Max ran over, stopping at the last moment, unsure if she should touch him. Billy whimpered again, the jerks becoming slower and more irregular as his heart slowed and he let out a cry, finally able to make his mouth work. Max jumped back and paused, staring down at him with fat tears rolling down her cheeks, before running back to her room. Billy faintly heard the crackling of her walkie, though he was having trouble making out the words, everything off kilter and he felt sick. Felt like he could move but was too tired to do so. Max’s words finally started to be clear and he heard W-With Hopper and Mrs. Byers gone I-I– and Please I don’t know what to do! My mom– and then when blinked, Max was there again, wiping her eyes and crying softly.
They’d been better, though it hadn’t been hard, seeing as Billy was quiet and withdrawn, nothing like himself before. He didn’t go out, walked everywhere, and he kept his head down. Guilt, embarrassment, and discomfort filled his days and the only bright spots were when Max told him about her day. It was fucking sad. Billy reached out, movements slow, and gripped the front of her socked foot. Her breath hitched and she reached down, grabbing his hand.
“Billy?” Her voice was soft and he was so grateful. “Billy I, uhm, I called Steve and he’s gonna be here soon. We’re gonna take you to the doctor, okay? You’re gonna be fine, okay?” And when her voice cracked Billy felt his eyes fill with tears. He nodded weakly and she squeezed his fingers, only getting up when the door opened, Neil apparently hadn’t bothered to even lock it, and Steve came in, red faced and panting.
“Fuck,” he gasped, staring down at Billy on the floor, who wished he could sink into the ground and stay there.
A seizure. His father had slapped him so hard he gave him a fucking seizure.
“What’s best for him right now?” Harrington had asked the nurse, brow furrowed with concern. Billy hated how it gave him butterflies.
“A stable environment and rest. No drinking, no smoking, and no vigorous activity for a day or two.” Billy didn’t mention that he was already not doing that. “If he has another, come to us immediately. If he has any new symptoms, come to us immediately.” Billy tuned him out and looked out the window, feeling pathetic and angry. Max was holding his hand, both of them sitting on the hospital bed. Eventually, Steve waved the nurse off from the doorway and turned back to them.
“Sorry,” Billy croaked, feeling so fucking worthless.
“Don’t be,” Steve replied. “And I mean that. None of this is your fault.” Billy begged to differ. If he had just not let that fucking Mindflayer, or whatever they fucking called it, he didn’t fucking care, take him over they wouldn’t even be here. Steve didn’t take his silence poorly, however, and just held his hand out. Billy took it, blushing for needing help up. He kept his eyes down and let Max take his hand and lead him out. After a moment he realized Steve was talking again. “–se, I mean we have plenty of room, and my parents are never home, I’m pretty much just house sitting–” Billy blinked and looked at him in shock.
“What?” He asked, confused. Steve stuttered to a stop and looked at him, eyes wide. Billy realized, belatedly, that he hadn’t really said much to Steve, except Sorry since– Since–
“Huh?” Steve replied, staring into Billy’s eyes so intently he looked away. Max tugged on his hand.
“He said that you could stay with him. That you should.” When he looked at her, she had a determined look on her face.
“I-I couldn’t–”
“Seriously,” Steve said, cutting him off. “It’s no trouble. I mean, I still have work sometimes, but I can give you the number to call, if that works? If you can?” He looked uncomfortable, like he didn’t know how to talk about this. Billy could relate.
“I don’t–” Billy tried, pausing to clench his fists and eyes. “Rent?” Steve actually looked insulted.
“What? No! You can’t go back home, man,” Steve said, gripping Billy’s shoulder and pausing in the hospital entrance. He caught Billy’s eye. “You can’t. I’m not gonna take advantage of that.” A lump caught in Billy’s throat and he couldn’t say anything. So he just nodded and gripped Max’s hand tightly.
At first it was weird, living with another person, in a huge house, with practically free reign. Billy stayed in his guest room most of the time, coming out when Steve was home and falling asleep to the sound of Steve shuffling around. He didn’t sleep much, was always bursting with nervous energy. Was fretting over Billy in a way that no one had since his mother. It was weird, but it wasn’t unwelcome. It was welcome, in fact. Just overwhelming. Billy was used to being touched, touched by those who wanted his body, wanted something from him, wanted to hurt him, but he wasn’t used to this. Wasn’t used to the way Steve would gently grab his elbow as he passed, would help Billy with his buttons on bad days with no complaints, would cut up his goddamn food like he was a child and it made Billy’s head spin.
Steve fretted over him like he had nothing better to do. Like he had nothing else he wanted to do. It made Billy’s stomach do flip flops.
He knew he had liked Harrington since he met him. Had wanted to fuck him at least. And now here he was, still as gorgeous and magnetic as ever, taking care of him. Billy wanted. He wanted so badly.
“Okay,” Steve said, hands on his hips. “You’re sure you’ll be fine?” Billy rolled his eyes.
“Yes,” he replied. “It’s an hour.”
“A lot can happen in an hour,” Steve protested, glancing at his watch. He groaned and glanced at the door. “Fuck, I gotta get to my shift, stupid fucking Keith–” He let out a rush of air and gave Billy one last look. “Are you sure?”
“Christ, Harrington,” Billy drawled, “Max will be here and I’ll be fine.” They had made a system, Steve and Max, deciding that Billy needed to be watched over. Nevermind that he had been doing better, had been talking more, finally able to get his words out a majority of the time, and he was even thinking of starting to jog in the mornings. His doctor had recommended it, finally, and he wanted something to do. To at least pretend he could run from his problems.
But Steve and Max were anxious and goddamn worrywarts, so Steve had continued to move his shifts around so that when he left, Max would be arriving to spend time with Billy after school. It was spring semester, almost spring break, and soon she’d be able to spend more time with him and Steve could work more hours. It made Billy feel like a nuisance, despite how many times Steve told him he wasn’t. For now though, she’d have to leave to make it home for dinner.
He did not think about his father.
Steve gave him one last worried look before nodding and heading out.
“I’ll be home right after work, okay? Unless you want me to pick up, like, a pizza or something?”
“Grab whatever, I’ll eat it.” Billy chewed on his bottom lip and listened to the sounds of Steve leaving, starting his car, and driving away.
Billy thought about his plan to start jogging and, before he could talk himself out of it, was headed out the door, spare key in his pocket. He’d just take one go around Loch Nora, which shouldn’t take him more than 45 minutes, and that was enough time to quickly shower before Max arrived. He started at a slow but steady pace, feeling something in his chest unfurl in the spring weather. It was finally getting warmer, the air brisk and the sun glinting on the melting snow puddles. It was pretty in its own way, even if it didn’t hold to the ocean.
He smiled slightly and closed his eyes, feeling a little more like himself than he had in a long, long time. He jogged down the sidewalk, glad no one was out, and as he rounded the farthest corner, ready to make the final turn, he saw his father coming out of Mrs. Gardner’s house, smiling at her with that plastic face. Billy tripped over his own feet, barely keeping himself upright. He had to lean against a mailbox, unable to get his feet to move. He hadn’t seen his father in over a month now, maybe almost two. His dad hadn’t asked about him, had thrown out most of his stuff, though Max salvaged what she could, and now here he was. As the door closed and Neil turned away, smile melting off his face, he saw Billy. He froze as well, eyes sharp and dangerous.
“Son,” he said, voice dark. Billy felt himself begin to panic and tried to remember to breathe. He didn’t respond, didn’t look away, but he forced himself to move, to jog again. He felt his father’s eyes on his back until he disappeared behind the house on the corner. When he was out of sight, Billy stumbled and hid behind the bushes, glad that rich people loved large hedges. Through the leaves he saw his father’s truck make the turn, it’s pace slow, until his father seemed to give up and sped away. Because even though Billy wasn’t under his roof, his father would always want him under his thumb. Billy sat there, shaking, for a few minutes. When he could finally breathe again he stood and hopped the fences to get to the backyard. He didn’t trust the streets.
When he came around the side of the house, Max was there, ringing the doorbell frantically and pounding on the door. She did a double take when she saw him and ran over, face red with anger, but twisted in concern.
“Where were you?!”
“I wanted to go for a jog,” Billy replied, voice flat. His hands shook as he tried to put the key in the lock and Max gently took it, opening the door for them. She eyed him, knowing there was something he wasn’t saying. When he didn’t continue she tossed her backpack on the floor in the foyer and crossed her arms.
“And?” Billy couldn’t meet her eye.
“Neil was–” Max let out a strangled sound and slammed the door closed, locking it.
“Did he see you? Did he follow you? Billy, fuck!”
“Language,” he replied in a daze. Steve’s mothering tendencies were rubbing off on him. She pulled him into the living room and pulled the curtains.
“Okay, I’m going to ask you yes or no questions,” she said, voice trembling with restraint. “Can you handle that right now?”
“Yes.”
“Did he see you?” She sat him on the couch, going into the kitchen to get him some water.
“Yes,” Billy replied, hoping he was loud enough.
“Did he say anything to you?”
“Yes. Son.”
“Did you say anything to him?” She set the water in front of him before sitting next to him on the couch, taking his hand.
“No.”
“Did he follow you?”
“No. Tried to. I hid.” Billy hated that just seeing his father made him choke up, made the words feel stuck in his throat. He was so grateful for Max in that moment that he pulled her into a tight hug. He hadn’t done so much, if at all, since leaving the hospital. She froze, stiff and shocked, before gripping back, burying her face in his neck.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. Seeing his father had been jarring and upsetting, but he’d gotten away. Was 18 so his father couldn’t, and hopefully wouldn’t, do anything. He gripped Max tighter. “Will you be okay?” He was worried his father might have seen Max outside Steve’s and it was too much of a coincidence, them being in the same neighborhood, especially one this rich.
“I didn’t see his truck, but maybe I should go home early, just in case.” She sounded upset, like that was the last thing she wanted to do. “We should call Steve,” she said, pulling away. Billy jerked back, shaking his head.
“No, he doesn’t– He’ll worry.” Billy didn’t want Steve to fret for his entire shift, which he definitely would. “I don’t want to be a bother. It’s my fault for going out–”
“No,” Max snapped, cutting him off. “It’s not your fault.” Billy wouldn’t meet her eye and she stood, putting on Dirty Dancing. They had bonded over Patrick Swayze and it was a comfort movie for the two of them, as weird as it was. She threw herself against his side, making a space for herself, and Billy just wrapped an arm around her and let the movie play.
“Billy!” Steve called as he came in, bag of sodas and breadsticks in one hand, pizza balanced in the other. “I brought home Hawaiian pizza!” It made him blush, calling it their home, and since Billy wasn’t there, he let himself. His parents were out even more now that he was out of school, and more still after the Mall Incident. They didn’t want to deal with his nightmares and clinginess and if he had been a little selfish in asking Billy to stay, he would never admit it. He set the pizza down on the table in the kitchen and went into the living room, finding Billy with his arms around his knees, staring at a blue TV screen. It made his hairs stand on end. “Billy?” He jumped, like he hadn’t heard Steve come in, and the fear that flashed on his face broke Steve’s heart. “Hey, hey,” he said placatingly. “It’s just me.” Billy relaxed and nodded once, looking at the TV in shock like he hadn’t even noticed his movie end.
“Sorry I– I lost track of time after Max left.” Steve smiled and held out his hand.
“I got Hawaiian, your favorite, you goddamn heathen.” Billy smiled a little, ducking his head. Steve’s breath hitched when he looked at him through his lashes, his eyes sad and grateful.
“You eat just as much of it as I do, you human garbage disposal,” he replied, taking Steve’s hand and pulling himself up. It was their thing. Steve pretended he hadn’t eaten Cheez-Whiz on undercooked macaroni noodles, and actually had taste, and Billy let him. Plus, Steve could deny it all he wanted, but Billy knew he just didn’t want to admit the pineapple was fucking good.
“Yeah, yeah,” Steve replied, something in his chest unclenching. Billy was joking so hopefully things were okay. “You and Max have a good time?” He pulled out a chair for Billy and missed the way he blushed.
“Yeah, watched Dirty Dancing.” Billy winced when Steve froze. He knew that they didn’t watch that unless one of them was having a rough day.
“Oh?” When Billy didn’t reply, just sat down and started shoving pizza into his face, Steve’s chest clenched right back up. “Billy?”
“It’s nothing,” he mumbled. “Just went for a jog and stressed myself out.” He wouldn’t look Steve in the eye, not that he usually did.
“A jog?” Billy shrugged stiffly.
“Yeah. Doc said I could start some light exercising.” He opened one of the cans of coke, fiddling with the tab. Steve fidgeted before sitting down heavily, grabbing a slice to munch on. He watched Billy, who kept hunching lower and lower in his seat.
“So–”
“I saw Neil,” Billy grit out, like he didn’t want to say it. Steve dropped his pizza onto his pants, cursing and tossing it back into the box before moving to Billy’s side.
“Are you okay?” Billy shrugged.
“He didn’t do anything, though I think he tried to follow me, likes to keep tabs on people.” He sniffed and gave Steve a quick look, before once more averting his gaze. Steve hated it. Wanted Billy to look at him. Wanted Billy to know he would never be angry with him, just wanted him to be happy. “Realistically I know he can’t really do anything,” he said, voice soft, “But every time I see him I just–” He cut himself off and crossed his arms. Steve placed his hand on his knee, making Billy’s eyes snap over to him, a light flush on his cheeks.
“When did this happen?”
“After you left. Before Max got here.” Steve nodded, trying not to let the hurt show on his face. Billy hadn’t even called. “Sorry,” Billy whispered.
“For what?”
“Being such a fucking nuisance.” Before Steve could tell him that he wasn’t, Billy continued, fingers digging into his sweater clad arm. “Mooching off of you because I can’t– I’m so fucking useless and stupid.” Steve squeezed Billy’s knee, which for some reason, made his face twist even more. Steve removed his hand but it didn’t seem to help. “And now my dad– I just want to be fucking normal.”
“Okay,” Steve said, licking his lips, “I’m gonna tell you something, okay? And I want you to just listen for a moment.” Billy nodded. Steve went back to his chair and wiped his hands on his pants, making a face when he got the tomato sauce he forgot to remove on one. “One, you’re not mooching. If anything, all of this is on my parents dime, and they aren’t gonna notice. Two, you’re not useless, or stupid.” Billy opened his mouth but Steve tutted him. “No, nope. You do chores without me asking and you had a fucking brain injury. You’re recovering and you’re doing so much better than anyone thought. Even Dr. Owens.” Billy blushed at that, smiling sadly. “And third,” Steve swallowed thickly and blushed, “You’re definitely not a nuisance. I offered up my place because– Well, I have the room and the money to help so why wouldn’t I but–” He scratched the back of his head. “I’m sure you’ve noticed that my parents aren’t ever here. Not really.”
“Yeah,” Billy replied, not sure where Steve was going.
“I’m really glad to help you but also, like, I kind of needed this too.” He picked at some fraying on his sleeve. “I don’t sleep much anymore, too many nightmares, and waking up to an empty house is–” He shrugged, throat getting tight. “I hate being alone,” he said quietly. He looked at Billy, who was staring at him with wide eyes. “I really like having you here.” Billy looked away and Steve kept talking because he needed Billy to know. Fuck it. “I mean, like, I really like having you here.”
“Yeah?” Billy looked at him through his lashes again.
“Yeah,” Steve said, taking Billy’s hand and intertwining their fingers. Billy’s eyes went wide and his face went red and Steve felt the clenching in his chest loosen more. “And you’ll always have a place with me.” He wasn’t surprised when Billy leaned over and kissed him. Just smiled when he pulled back, his breath catching at the glint of happiness and hope in Billy’s eyes when he pulled away.
“I– Is this–”
“I mean, if you really feel like a mooch, a smooch or two per day would be great payment,” Steve said teasingly. And when Billy laughed, looking more like himself than Steve had seen in months, he couldn’t help ducking in for a kiss of his own.
139 notes · View notes
surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago
Text
Survey #311
“somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that i had in february of last year.”
What is something that is so awful it gives you pain in your teeth? Extremely sweet and/or cold treats. What is something you would like to teach someone? I love educating people about meerkats, snakes, tarantulas, opossums... lots of animals. What is something people tend to come to you about? For me to take pictures for them. What is something you would be willing to gamble? I don't mess with that. What's something you're absolutely 100% sure about yourself? Uhhh that I really like creating things and just being artistic. How often do you self-reflect? Probably too much, really. When was the last time you realized that you were the problem, if ever? I feel like a problem now, still living with and financially depending on my mom. If applicable, what's the furthest you've traveled because of a hobby? Ha, Mom and I got lost driving one day looking for roadkill for me to photograph (that will always feel weird saying) and wound up pretty far north from home, kinda close to Virginia. It was a fun afternoon/evening. What are some sights around the world you would like to see some day? I'm honestly not crazy about pursuing ancient architecture, but I'd take the opportunity for some if I could, especially in Egypt. OH! Venice would be cool, and whatever that city is with the umbrella "ceiling" layer outside. Do you have souvenirs from other countries? If so, what and from where? No. Apart from sleeping, name something you enjoy doing in bed: Sit on my laptop or read. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah, or at least something of the sort. Do you stay friends with your exes? Girt and I are close friends, while the others I don't have contact with. Not because we're on bad terms (I may be w/ Jason, but I think our last meeting was freeing for both of us and distilled any remaining tension), we just don't talk. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Pretty sure no, I'd crash. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? One or two. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. How many pregnant people do you know? Good Lord, a lot. People are bored in quarantine apparently lmao. Who was the last person to play with your hair? Myself, outta boredom, kinda just twirling it. Have you ever seen the inside of a computer? Yeah. ^If yes, can you name any of the components? I could probably identify the motherboard. If you could get a new phone right now, would you/which kind? I would. Idk what kind, though; I'm not very familiar with what's up-to-date. Have you ever cut your own hair? No. If you had the chance, would you start your life entirely over? No. How old is the eldest member of your family? I don't know really, given both pairs of my grandparents are dead. Probably some aunt or uncle on Mom's side. I don't remember their birth order. Do you drink the milk from the bowl after you eat all the cereal? No, it grosses me out for whatever reason. UNLESS it's after a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, then I'll drink it. Do you know anybody who has had an online relationship? Yeah, me, and some others. One thing that your guy best friend doesn't like about you: He's never told me about something he doesn't like, so I can't speak for him. How about your girl best friend? Ummm you'd have to ask her, too. Do you loan your friends money? *recites the usual financial woe story* Are you taller than your siblings? No. Do you have “photoshoots” with your friends/family members? Definitely not regularly by any means. Are you generous? If you ignore monetary generosity for obvious reasons, I think I am in other ways. Are you afraid of lizards? No no no, I love those tiny lil dinosaur boiz and gorls!!!!! :''') Ahhh, I want a tegu especially one day. How legible is your signature? It's perfectly legible, imo. How hot are your neighbors? I don't even know my neighbors. Well, Mom's spoken to the woman to our left more than once if they were both outside, but I know she's an older woman whose appearance I never really noted, but regardless, I know I wasn't attracted to her. Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who's your buddy? Yeah, I can finally play it regularly since they began offering a daily box with a few items in it, like the balls. I'm not checking, but I think I'm like... around 23? My buddy is Charmeleon because I love love loooove that evolution line and absolutely want a Charizard ASAP. :') What's the most daring thing you have ever done? I guess that would be the story about how I challenged my rather intense fear of fair rides that can trouble the stomach by going on whatever the thing's called where you slowly go very high up and then drop down abruptly. Yeah yeah yeah, I was safe the whole time, but it was daring by my standards, haha. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It's been pierced twice already; the first time it closed while I was in the psych hospital and had to take it out, and the second one I just gave up with it after I kept losing them in my sleep and they just fell into the fucking void or something because I could never find them come morning. I eventually had none left to replace those I'd lost. And yes, I wore the curved types, they still just came out somehow???? Probably didn't help that I sleep like, ON my face sometimes, but... lol. I've been thinking of doing it one more time, but this time with a hoop ring. Nostril piercings are just really cute to me. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Somehow. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Do you have tan lines? HA. Absolutely not. Not even in the summer. Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip piercing? Yeah, he had snake bites. Has anyone told you they were in love with you? Yeah. Have you ever seen a bald eagle in person? Yes. Have you ever been vomited on? What about in vice versa? Oh my fucking god no, don't even make me imagine it. What is one family member you wish you were closer to? My sisters. When and where did you lose your virginity? Since then, what was the longest time you've ever gone without sex? I dunno, his bed or mine when I was maybe like 16 or 17. Been many years. What is your biggest fear about making a total commitment to someone? That I'll experience heartbreak again. Do you think that your life is exciting enough to be made into a movie? Do you think anybody would actually enjoy it if it were a movie? lol fuuuuck no If you were the opposite sex, would you be attracted to you? I don't know? If I was a different person, I'd obviously have unique tastes, too. Have you ever walked around your house naked? Oh no, I'm way too uncomf for that. Do you prefer profile pictures of you by yourself or with someone else? Me by myself. Did it bother you to find out that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Toothfairy were not real? Not really, no. I'd been suspicious about it for a long time anyway. Is there a food that you only recently started to like? If so, what is it and when did you start liking it? How often do you try again foods you don't like to see if your tastes have changed? Hm... I'm unsure about "recently." I'm not very adventurous with food at all, so the answer for the last part is not often at all. Who would you NOT want to read the surveys you've posted on here? What would most likely happen if they did read it? Is there anyone you actually wish would read your survey answers but doesn't? Probably my therapist lmaoo. It'd spark some concern, especially regarding my PTSD, for him to be able to see "wow, she is deeply scarred." I don't really "wish" anyone else would read them, other than the occasional answer I wish He Who Shall Not Be Named could hear. Do you watch Glee? If so, which song do you want to hear on there that they have not yet done? If not, which TV show do you think has the best soundtrack? I don't watch it. The answer is obviously Supernatural, like good good shit right thar. Do you think you would be able to pull off a crime perfectly, without being caught? What about other lies? For example, cheating on your partner without getting caught? Would you be able to get away with it? Ha, hell no. I'm way too clumsy in more ways than physical and would overlook so many details. And I wouldn't WANT to get away with cheating on my partner, thanks. Do you know anyone who has divorced and remarried the same person? What do you/would you think of someone who does that? I don't think I do, and it's not really my business, but I'd have silent doubts, probably, depending on why they split. Do you say goodnight to anybody before you go to bed? If so, does it feel weird if you go to bed without saying it to them? I say goodnight to my snake Venus; even if she's in her hide, I say it when I walk past her terrarium. It probably wouldn't feel weird not to, but I want to, even though she can't even hear me lmao. How do you react when you're scared? Do you scream, jump, cover your eyes, etc.? I am VERY jumpy, tend to gasp easily, and sometimes scream if I'm seriously scared. Who is the best storyteller you know? What do you find best about their storytelling? Is there an interesting story of theirs you'd like to share? I don't know. Do you strongly dislike (or even hate) any bands or musical artists? If so, what caused such a strong negative emotion towards them? Not for purely their music, that's just stupid, but I could certainly dislike artists for what they do as people. For example, I haven't looked into it whatsoever, so it could be a load of bull, but I know Manson recently had some sexual misconduct or assault allegations rise against him, and honestly, I'd believe it. He's one of my favorite artists (emphasis on the "art"), but definitely not high on my list of favorite people and keeps doing things that are making me lose more and more respect for him. Then there's Otep... again, one of my favorite musical artists. I agree with a good handful of her values, but she is nevertheless an absolute holier-than-thou, intolerant bitch. I don't like her as a person. Do your parents have any collections? If so, what do you think of those collections? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes stuff; it's all over his "mancave." I don't have an opinion on them. Do you have a favourite role of Johnny Depp's? If you don't like him, what is your favourite role of an actor you like? I'm not familiar enough with all his acting roles for this, but I know he's incredibly good at what he does. If you were in a competition to win your dream prize, and you were allowed to decide what the competition would be (trivia about your favourite band, a foot race, singing, etc.) , what would you choose and why? Uhhhh maybe facts about meerkats? Reason being it's something I'm honestly very knowledgeable about. What is your least favourite thing about the English language? Are there any other languages you prefer besides English? It breaks its own "rules" ALL the time. If I was fluent in German, then I might actually prefer it. There are many parts to the German language that make it very precise and clear what and whom you are addressing (ex., there are two different "you"s for singular and plural usage); the only real downside I see to German is the sentence structure is odd, but then again, I mean, it does encourage active listening to get all the parts of a sentence you need to understand what is being said. Would you be upset if a long-term partner confessed that they had committed a serious crime before you met? How do you think it would affect your relationship? Hm. I guess it would depend on the crime? I sure wouldn't be happy hearing they committed an as you said serious crime, but I'd have to consider if there were other red flags for danger going on, again, if it wasn't massive in my eyes. Do you enjoy watching the special features found on most DVDs? What do you usually enjoy more: the deleted scenes, the bloopers, the audio commentary, or the behind-the-scenes footage? I have to be seriously into whatever I'm watching to explore these. I do love me some bloopers, though. Was there something you were afraid of as a child that just seems silly to you now? I had that usual "monster (or in my case, skeleton) in the closet" fear. Have you ever had a crush but then found out he’s gay? Almost positive my puppydog-love middle school bf actually is gay. I also had a crush on a closeted gay guy for a little bit that same school year. Nowadays he is so open about his sexuality and even does drag, and he's great at it! It's wonderful seeing how far he's come in his confidence. Would you ever be a porn star? What'd your name be? Oh no, hunny. Does blood make you squeamish? No. What's your favorite Pokemon? Ninetales. <3 I also have a very soft spot for Charmander, though. What was the last event to cause you any sort of heartache? My older sister got in a wreck yesterday because some impatient bitch ran a red light. She's fine but did break her clavicle and is going to be using a sling for probably a few months. It was definitely upsetting to hear about. What do you do when you like someone? I tend to get very shy around them, more than I naturally am, and smile a lot. I try to stay in contact with the person, and it's maybe a 60/40 chance I'll wait for them to make the move versus me, but I've done it. Do you mind if people just show up at your house unannounced? YEAH. Especially as someone who needs to mentally prepare for company, don't do this. Do you enjoy rain? To a degree. If it hangs around too long, it affects my depression. I LOVE going to sleep to rain pattering on the window, though. You love Jesus, yes? I don't believe he was a bad person; quite the opposite, actually, but I don't "love" him. I won't go too deep into why just because I'm not in the mood to offend people today lmao. Who’s your favorite person in the whole world? My mom. She's my rock. How many different beverages have you had in the last 24 hours? Just water and Mountain Lightning (a Mountain Dew ripoff for us poor folk, haha). Oh wait, I did have a meal replacement shake for lunch yesterday, I think? Or that might have been the day before... How many brothers does your father have? None, unless I've seriously forgotten him having one. He only has a sister, to my knowledge. What kind of camera do you use? I have a Canon EOS Rebel T6. If you could change you name, what would you change it to? I wouldn't. 25 years with a name I quite like has worked out fine. What was the last song you listened to in the car? Uhhh it was "Drugs" by Mother Mother, I think. Are you the youngest, oldest, middle, or only child? I'm the middle child between my parents. What's the best thing about the place you currently live? Hm. I would say for practicality's sake that we're very close to pretty much everything, but seeing as I enjoy long car rides... With that in mind, I'd say who our landlord is. She's a very close family friend who is very understanding of our financial position, so pretty forgiving with some things. Do you eat breakfast daily? Yessss, I need breakfast to start my day off. Can you hear anyone talking right now? No, just singing. I'm listening to Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. What's your favorite flavor of ramen? I solely enjoy the spicy pork bowl by Yakisoba. I've never had another I've liked. I lived off that shit in the apartment. I guess what they say about college kids is true, haha. Never realized that. When was the last time you had a bowl of soup? What flavor? Back when I got my snake eyes tongue piercing, I tried vegetable soup only to find I didn't like it anymore. Do you have any tinned foods in your cupboard at the moment? Yeah, lots. I couldn't name 'em all, besides like, diced pineapple, corn, and beans. We always have those. What was the last food item that you tried for the first time? On Thanksgiving, I was actually brave with food for once and tried that sweet potato dish that's topped with marshmallow, and it was okay. I never liked sweet potato before, and while I couldn't eat a lot of it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Does anyone in your family have green eyes? No. What was the name of your first ever pet? I was born into my family with a beautiful collie named Trigger, but I have zero recollection of her because she passed away from old age when I was very young. My first personal pet was either my guinea pig Squeak or Chinese water dragon Shadow (no, I have no idea why I named a green lizard that); I can't remember who came first. I adored them both. I feel so bad looking back though, I was so uninformed on how to properly care for a water dragon that she (or he, we were never sure) was, as far as correct husbandry goes, horribly taken care of and stunted from having a tank too small. I consider myself lucky she seemed to really trust me and loved being held, even sleeping on me, and she did live out her full lifespan. I was lucky; please, please, never adopt a reptile until you are properly educated on their unique care. Where was the last place you went out for lunch? What did you order? Mom bought me McDonald's a few days back because I was really craving it. I had a double cheeseburger and for once large fries, because that's what I was seriously wanting. I usually get small or medium. Where was the last place you went for an evening meal? What did you order? I feel bad and selfish for breaking my own "stay the fuck home but for emergencies" rule, but my mom, one of my sisters, and I went out to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. I think I ate a chicken sandwich with Chipotle sauce? I actually don't remember for sure. I do however remember the cheesecake I got: some cinnamon swirl one that was fucking glorious. Oh yeah, and we had an appetizer of these pretzel ball things dipped in fondue. I ate waaaay too much, but it was a special occasion, so whatever. Have you Googled anything today? What? I ensured I spelled "clavicle" correctly. Yaaaay, I did. What do you like to eat for breakfast these days? Special K cereal, a sandwich, sometimes those pancake & sausage on a stick things I mentioned at some point in the last survey I think, or a Jimmy Dean breakfast bowl. Maybe other stuff I'm just not thinking of. Is anyone in your family a nurse? No, but I have family in the medical field. Do you like to wear lipstick? What colors do you think suit you best? Not really, no, but I will sometimes for pictures. It smudges too easily yet is also hard and annoying to get off. I only really wear black. Who was the last person to recommend a book to you? My therapist recommended a book for the whole PHP group, but I can't remember what it was. Something self-care related. Who was the last person to tease or joke around with you, in a friendly way? I wouldn't be surprised if it was Tobey, the "family friend" I mention a lot. She probably said something technically rude that she thought was an appropriate joke. Is there a jar of peanut butter in your house? Yeah, always. Does anyone you know own a tabby cat? How about a cocker spaniel? Tabbies are very common, so yes. I don't think I know anyone with a pure cocker spaniel, but my late dog's mother was one. Do you have blinds or curtains in your bedroom? What colour are they? I have those slanted blinds that you can close by pushing them upwards or downwards with a stick thing. They're white. What was the last beverage you tried for the first time? Some form of juice I wasn't a fan of. Orange and peach, I think? Who was the last person that said you were beautiful? I think a friend on Facebook when I changed my profile picture. Is/are your pet(s) fixed? My cat is neutered, but obviously my ball python isn't. Roman would mark the house like crazy before we got him fixed... but even if he didn't, we still would have done it. Please make spaying/neutering your cats and dogs a financial investment priority. If you do the research, you would marvel over the "damage" especially one fertile cat can cause. Hell, my childhood experience with cats is enough proof of that.
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second-chance-stray · 4 years ago
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RP Log: Rising is sick, and Cravs won’t have it.
Cravendy Hound is busy moving all sorts of wooden furniture from her room to a series of boxes that litter the company foyer. It’s hard work, and something that demands her full attention until the task is done. She wipes her forehead free of sweat with the back of her hand. Finally, it was quiet again...and in that silence, perhaps there were subtle things that Cravs would now notice?
Rising Lotus at some point during Cravs moving everything back and forth, Rising had slipped through,  groaning a bit as she was still looking quite ill. She climbed the stairs to get herself some water, groggy curses coming from her mouth as most of the grub was moved up there some time ago. As she made her way to the bottom of the stairs, she leaned against the banister, watching Cravs move the stuff for quite a while, she didn't want to hold her up as she shambled back to her room.
Cravendy Hound: “Eh? Well, if it ain’t the flyin’ flower ‘erself.” Cravs claps her hands together in order to get the last bit of dust off of them, and then quickly jogs over before Rising is able to make it back to her room. Closer now, she’s able to see how much of a mess the other woman is. Clearly sick, and clearly suffering. Cravs stops in her tracks. “Oi bugger, ye look like shite...don’t tell me yer still sick?”
Rising Lotus cocked her head a bit as she was addressed. "Flyin'...oh, I get it." she let out a weak chuckle that turned into cough. "Yeah I guess so... don't usually get hit this...." her hand twirled as she tried to think of the word "Hard..? Ugh." sniffling, she ran her hand over her hair to try and unmess it up. "I'm at least able to walk about a bit now, was sleepin' all day first day."
(Cravendy Hound) I don't know what's worse. When it rains after snow and everything's gross slush, or after when the water freezes, forming ice/snow. And then everyone starts slipping, people + cars both D:< )) (Rising Lotus) The worst part is people that live in it for years that forget how to drive in it the second it starts up again. Also you really got me with Flying Flower x3))
Cravendy Hound crosses her arms with a frown, feeling somewhat responsible. If she had brought an umbrella, or hadn’t insisted on going fishing that day, then none of this would’ve happened. In fact, wasn’t Rising there when they were fighting the Dodo at Dirtpatch?! A judgement forms in Crav’s head...that Rising is just going to get worse if left to her own devices. Cravs shakes her head in concern. “What are ye dealin’ with? Fever, chills, a cough...?”
Rising Lotus nodded slowly after each symptom Cravs listed off "Aye..sneezin' an' uh... head feelin'..." bringing her hand close, she'd pull them apart with her fingers extending "Jus', ya know...pressure-y. Got some things to help with it, jus' still takin' awhile to get uh... " she brought her hand up to rub her temple "all better I guess. Ugh.."
(Cravendy Hound) hope it wasn't too confusing xD ))   (Rising Lotus) It was something where I read it and got it, then it got funnier and cuter the more I started thinking it over lol)) (Cravendy Hound) well here comes more blisteringly sweet stuff xD ))
Cravendy Hound: “Stop figetin’ for a sec, will ye?” Without thinking, Cravs lifts the hair that usually covers her face, and gets close to touch foreheads with Rising. She stays like this for a second, then pulls back looking angier than before. “Bloody scrag, ‘ow are ye even standin’ right now? Yer burning up. Come on, let’s get ye into a bed afore ye set the stairs on fire with that fever of yers.”
Cravendy Hound grabs Rising’s wrist and, while attempting to drag the other woman along, makes a beeline towards the clinic. It’s during this time that her actions begin to catch up in her mind. Damnit, old habits die hard. As soon as she could, she’d have to explain...that.
(Cravendy Hound) it's something my mom used to do w/ me :D )) (Cravendy Hound) ALSO Cravs def sees Rising like a lil sis (which she pretty much sees everyone as) but I'll throw wood onto the proverbial fire for potential goofy hijinks ))
Rising Lotus 's eyes went wide as Cravs was so suddenly touching foreheads with her, frozen as she wasn't quite sure how to react to, whatever was happening. "W-what are..." despite her paleness, there was the smallest tinge of red in her cheeks as Cravs pulled away. "O-oh...That's...huh." still processing, she was easily dragged along to wherever Cravs was taking her. As she watched her door pass by she started to weakly protest. "You don't have to toss me in there...don't want to be..." she lifted her arm to cough into her sleeve " a bother to people actually needin' the, the help."
(Cravendy Hound) ahhaha )) (Cravendy Hound) o we can move to the actual clinic. It looks super cool :> )) (Rising Lotus) Also that was super cute xD and it'll be good for Rising to have someone like that! Hasn't been close in anyone for while since her wife left))
Cravendy Hound chuckles at Rising’s weak protests. “This place is exactly for people like ye!” Cravs tugs her to the corner, and then sets her down on the bed. “Now, lie down ‘ere, and don’t move.” She commands, and then heads off to search the medical cabinets for anything that might help alleviate her friend’s symptoms. After some rummaging, she first comes back with a small hand towel, soaking in a bowl of cool water.
Cravendy Hound - As she lifts her sleeves and gets the towel ready, she rambles on absentmindedly. “I used to do this all the time for my little sis. She was always catchin’ colds and doin’ otherwise dumb shite...stupidly brave, she was.” Cravs pauses for a second, and then grimaces. “S-so that’s what the ‘ead bump was about! Er. Sorry. Probably crossed a line there.”
Rising Lotus plopped down onto the bed, groaning a bit as Cravs ordered her to lay down. She did it of course, but if her friend would ask it would because she wanted to. "You don't have to do all this ya know..." she sounded a bit sheepish "I can...probably.." considering how many days she was out maybe this was the proper course of action. A weak scowl escaped her lips "Gods damn it, we ain't known each other long enough for ya to see me in such a pitiful state." she rested her hand on her forehead >
Rising Lotus: Before dragging it down her face. Crav's explaining the forehead bopping did cause her to smirk though. "O-okay... d-don't do that to a girl without some warnin'..my ma always jus' used her hand back in the day."
Cravendy Hound awkwardly laughs in response. “I wasn’t thinkin’, but yeah. Yer right, yer right....” Memories of similarly awkward misunderstandings bubble to the surface, one after the other like a chain reaction. Cravs becomes as stiff as a board as she recalls a particularly embarrassing moment, one that made it all the way to the bedroom before she realized what was going on.
Cravendy Hound ‘s face slowly becomes beet red as the conversation that followed, terrible and idiotic, plays word for word back to her in her head. As her captain had always told her...she was as perceptive as a log when it came to things of that nature. Cravs abruptly clears her throat.
Cravendy Hound: “We’re both fighters. Nothin’ to be ashamed of. For every battle, there’s recovery.” She then presents the folded towel, pleasantly chilled, to Rising’s face. A gesture that, this time, asks...may I?
Rising Lotus grumbles a bit "I 'spose...won't get any cool scars or tales to tell 'bout it though." she gave Cravs a nod as the towel was brought over, the cool cloth helping to soothe her burning forehead. " Least it's jus' a cold this time...the last time I was, this..." she paused for a moment. "At least this sick...It was cause of a nasty bite." she raised her left arm up. "You can still kinda see it..." she must of thought she was pointing to it, but there was a fait bit mark on her forearm.
Rising Lotus: "Was poisonous too, an' the gobbie potion I took probably made it worse.." she took a deep breath before she continued, coughing lightly "So I was holed up in...the hole I lived in up there. Though Violet came all the way to help me...that was nice..." as she trailed off her eyes drifted towards the wall, staying silent on the matter after that.
Cravendy Hound places the towel over Rising’s forehead, and then peers at the scars on her arm. Healed over, but even still she could get a sense of how bad it was when the wound was fresh. Cravs bobs her head in admiration. “Must’ve been some bite. Were ye fightin’ some manner of ‘boro? Stinky buggers are all jaws, all legs. Bad business.”
Cravendy Hound doesn’t push about Violet. Though Cravs had a track record of bluntly nosing her way into other people’s business, it was only when she thought she could help. Here, she sensed Rising wasn’t ready to talk, and it certainly wasn’t her place to ask.
Rising Lotus "I can't say what it was. I mean, I KNOW what it is...I jus' can't.." she furrowed her brow as she apparently was having trouble with the word for not saying a word. "Ya know.. talk it. Great big bug..the bug folk in Dravania use 'em." she huffed, sounding a bit frustrated. "Gods, even thinkin' is takin' too much energy." a drawn out sigh left her lips, following by some more coughing. "Hey..." she looked up to Cravs "Thanks for..uh.. I guess this...not exactly draggin' me here but..."
Rising Lotus: flipped her hand up, hoping by now the Cravs would understand what she meant. " I 'spose this is probably a better place than my mess of a room.. an' the towel is far nicer than gettin' Hop to sit on my head."
Cravendy Hound: “Stop thinkin’ so much then, and get some rest. I’ll ask the medic to leave some medicine by the table for ye when ye wake up.” Cravs tilts her head, amused. She assumes ‘Hop’ is the sproutling that she’s seen trail Rising in the past, and looks around for it.
Cravendy Hound - Failing to find Hop, she gets ready to leave in order to give Rising some peace and quiet. Before she lets the curtain fall behind her, she turns around for one last thing. “If ye need anythin’, ye can...borrow this.” Cravs places a linkshell by the bedside table. “Don’t let me catch ye trippin’ down the stairs again.”
Rising Lotus nodded "Aye, I promis ya the next time ya see me, I'll be.." she shot Cravs a finger pistol, but couldn't quite get anything catchy out. She eventually gave up and shuffled in bed a bit, getting herself comfy. "I think I'll try restin' a bit till then though." her eyes started to drift closed, how could she feel so exhausted from just a trip up the stairs?
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asagi-s-garden · 5 years ago
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It’s time for Dumb Headcanons-
For whatever reason, Kara is the one to carry her and Lena’s first born child, she can’t just vanish for almost a year without saying anything though, I mean what kind of hero would do that?
So she makes a public announcement right after officially finding out that she’s pregnant that she’s “going away for a few months on a personal journey”
Now the thing is, Lena knows her wife, she knows her very well, and she knows that her watching from the sidelines as Alex and the others keep the city safe is going to be incredibly painfull for her, so she decides to take Kara on a vacation for the first few months of pregnancy
Once they get around the second trimester they’re going to have to go into seclusion in a special fortress that Clark and Kate built for her that’s like half Fortress Of Solitude and half Batcave that’s structured to both keep enemies out, and keep Kara in, because they know their girl as well as Lena does (Alex tunes in from skype from time to time to tell them what they’ve done wrong specifically because she knows how crafty Kara is and is just “mmm nope you see that little crack in that wall right there? Yeah she could get through that, I don’t know how, but she could”) Ofcourse freinds and family are welcome to visit because it’d just be cruel otherwise but anyway
Lena knows Kara, she knows that staying cooped up in one place for 5-6 months is going to be hell enough as it is, the full extent of her pregnancy would be a NIGHTMARE, but she also is a little afraid to stay in National City during the first 3-4 months because that would equally be disasterous on Kara’s mental health, seeing shit go down and not being able to help, so she decides to take them on vacation instead, to some of the most peacefull places on Earth, like the New Zealand countryside and a small town in Switzerland and a tiny island that she may possibly own, it seems like a solid plan to begin with, until....
Proof That Lena Luthor Is Supergirl
That’s the headline that starts popping up about four days after they leave and it’s just everywhere, conspiracy theories that Lena is Supergirl because she “vanished“ at the same time that Supergirl left
Kara thinks it’s hilarious, it’s the best laugh she’s had in a week and that’s saying something considering how much time she’s spent watching cute cat videos on the private jet
They have to cut their vacation short so Lena can go back to National City every few weeks, show her face for a few days, and then leave again
Everyone starts making it into an inside joke that they have to be very carefull not to share outside of The Circle of those in the know because otherwise something might slip, Brainy in particular thinks it’s bizarre that Kara just keeps getting more pregnant everytime she comes back and yet somehow no one has tried to pin Lena’s wife, who’s pregnant, as the superhero who has to mysteriously vanish for nine months (because against her better instincts Kara does mention at the press conference that she’ll be returning in June, wich is about nine months from when she announces her departure, somehow no one has picked up on it, until they start with the Lena theory and go “AND HER WIFE IS PREGNANT AND DUE IN JUNE, COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT-” evidently they’ve decided that Lena is leaving because Kara is pregnant, wich isn’t wrong, but still somehow off)
By the time baby Kira Zor El Luthor is born (they made the conscious decision to break from the “L” tradition in Lena’s family only to end up with the “K” tradition in Kara’s completely by accident; their second born will be named Luka and Alex is going to headdesk so hard she bruises) half of National City has started to believe that Lena is Supergirl, somehow, and she and Kara- as Supergirl- have to actually appear together in public and shake hands with people to prove neither one is a hologram before anyone lets the theory die
Other less cohesive headcanons about this insanity-
-Kara insists that she take care of Kira when she wakes up in the middle of the night because to be 100% honest sleep is a luxury, not a necessity, for her- that’s not even being careless with herself, that’s just.... a legitimate fact... she doesn’t really HAVE to sleep very much as long as she’s under the yellow sun so why on earth should she deprive Lena of it???
Lena: Really, it’s ok, I’ve had a lifetime of being denied sleep so at this point I can actually function with out it :)
Kara: That.... that in absolutely no way makes me feel better...... also I have super hearing so I’ll hear her first anyway, there’s no need to wait for you to wake up..
Lena: Oh no that’s fine, I’m hypervigilant and paranoid so I’ll wake up as soon as she starts crying, no superpowers required! :)
Kara: That just makes me feel even worse?????? B-Besides I have a Kryptonian lullaby I can sing to her that works like a charm
Lena: Oh that’s so lovely, I have an old Irish lullaby my mother taught me right before she died that I can’t wait to sing to Kira as the literal only good thing that comes from my family legacy :)
Kara, near tears: ...Have I done something to you today????? ;_;
Lena: ...no?? why???
-The amount of food they go through during Kara’s pregnancy probably could have sustained a small country for atleast a month, it doesn’t seem to matter how much Lena thinks she’s stocking up ahead of time, it’s never enough and she inevitably always has to buy more the very next day, it takes the combined efforts of Barry and Kate to help keep things stocked so Lena isn’t having to constantly be leaving the Bat Fortress (it was the name Kate and Clark finally decided on and no one has the right to veto it no matter how much certain people want to) to restock, they start this Superhero Delivery Service as a Bros Being Bros type of thing, just freinds being freinds and loving their pregnant super freind so very much but after a week it turns into a ruthless competition of what, ultimately, is the better resource- speed or money, Barry has the Speed Force but Kate has every method of transportation imaginable and also drones and by the time Kira is born a rivalry has slowly simmered between them, the likes of wich goes right back to the type of “Who’s faster?” rivalry Barry has with the Supers, that probably won’t end even after they both die, Kara has mixed feelings about being the inadvertent catalyst for this but Nia thinks it’s the best thing that’s ever happened and she and Mary are placing bets
-Lena knows that Kryptonians don’t exactly have the same health issues to worry about that humans do but Kira is going to be atleast part human isn’t she? So Kara has to be willing to step up her health game wile she’s pregnant right??? Nice theory, no dice, Alex tried to warn her but Lena Luthor doesn’t lose and when she wants something she gets it................ unless that something is getting Kara to have a healthier diet, then there’s no force on any planet in any universe that can help
Lena: An apple
Kara: A dozen doughnuts
Lena: One apple
Kara:  ...Sixteen doughnuts
Lena: *gently places an apple on the table*
Kara: ....*stares intensely at the box of doughnuts, unblinking*
Lena: ....What are you doing?
Kara: I wonder if I try hard enough if I can develop telekinesis
Lena: No-
-True panic is Lena taking care of Kira at the office wile Kara is off doing the superheroing for the first time in months (nanny? nope, not in this house, the child never leaves our sight, we die like moms) and Kira starts giggling and levitates out of her bassinet wile Lena is on a conference call so her investors are met with a frantic Lena keeping her voice astoundingly level and clear wile running around the office chasing her floating baby, they mostly just get glimpses of her jacket from time to time and, if they ask, are only met with “I have a child now” and absolutely no other explanation
-For the first time since being on Earth Kara is faced with the cosmic joke that is Earth’s gravity during her late months of pregnancy because everything is wobbly and waddly and holy RAO HOW IS IT SO HARD JUST TO GET OFF OF THE FLOOR!?!?! SHE COULD FLY TWO MONTHS AGO AND NOW IT’S A MAJOR STRUGGLE TO PULL HERSELF OFF OF THE COUCH WHAT THE FUCK!?
-Kate has managed to live through four years of having actual freinds who have started to reproduce and never once has she reacted with more than marginally more interested than what she had during Crisis when Kara tried to hand Jon to her, but in those four years all of those freinds have been straight, to be fair, and there’s something a little different about seeing other lesbians with babies that’s mildly more tolerable, first it was Alex and Kelley, then it was Kara and Lena, Sophie and Mary keep cooing over the babies and Kate doesn’t really get that........ until she’s visiting Kara and an alien attacks and Kara is just “hold my baby-” and flies out the window and Kate is Stuck with a sleeping four-month-old and no ability to get to a phone without waking Kira up so she’s just kind of frozen like that for the foreseeable future and when Kara comes back Kate is laying on the couch, Kira sleeping on her chest, looking incredibly relaxed
Kate: Oh you’re back, we’ve had a lovely time
Kara: Awwwwwwwww, see? You are good with babies <3
Kate: Mmmm still going to have to disagree on that but your’s is... not... bad...
Kara: Sooooooo you’ll babysit sometime? :3
Kate: Nope, this last half hour was enough thanks
Kara: Wait until Sophie hears you lasted an entire half hour ;)
Kate: Just hold off telling her for about fifteen years or so, I don’t think we’re ready to live in a world where I can tolerate this for an entire thirty minutes yet
Kara: lol ok
Years later when she eventually ends up taking after her cousin and having a couple of orphans with her name on them she insists to Sophie that it’s Kara’s fault because “that time she made me hold her kid for half an hour did something to me I just know it”, Kara pops in one day after hearing this and just goes “You’re welcome~” before flying off again
And finally-
Kara: Lena honey I think Kira is a little too young to be getting her first suit tailored...
Lena: But she’s already a year old...???
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