#my man you would love o brother where art thou? so fucking much

[marrrow]

LEAVE HER JOHNNY / original playlist

--

Spotify | YouTube

--

[When No One Knew His Name]

[thegeminisage]

top 13 spn episodes rated by me

because i like the number 13 better than i like the number 10. i feel like i’ve done this list before but i’m doing it again bc i want to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5.18 Point of No Return - this ep has a little bit of everything. suicidal dean, desperate sam, zach dying, michael drama, surly bobby, ANGRY castiel, and even a little adam cameo, and i like adam. also, this is the episode in which i finally, after months of struggling with it, decided to go ahead and stan cas. i have never looked back. he is just...so...done. god bless.

14.10 Nihilism - the ULTIMATE michael!dean episode where dean turns HIS OWN BODY into a cage. i have never been so hyped in my LIFE. i waited a DECADE for this!!! this actually ties with 5.18, god bless

11.04 Baby - THEEE impala episode how could this NOT make anyones list. come on. this episode ALSO has everything, even castiel!! the music, the late night talks, the daddy issues...mwah. chefs kiss. season 11 good actually

4.01 Lazarus Rising - what’s better than an episode-long intro to your favorite character? nothing. in addition: that good brotherly content, the samulet, AND the full 5 minutes of nonverbal Jacting in the opener. i could watch that section over and over

13.04 The Big Empty - castiel looked his metaphorical demons right in the eye and said FUCK YOU. the b-plot for this one isn’t bad, either - if i could list the entire widow arc as an episode i definitely would, but this has a lot of the best parts. the hopelessness, the grief, the slow struggle to overcome despair, and jack coming into himself as a real player on the board, the incredible transitions (“what’s burned stays dead!” and then we cut to cas in the empty i’m INSANE). but since i’m a cas girl and this is the ep in the arc with the most cas content i’m picking this one.

12.22 Who We Are - never in my life did i expect to live long enough to see mary winchester of all people unfridged and developed into a real, flawed human being. this is THEEE mary episode, and i love her so fucking much. i love her so FUCKING MUCH

7.02 Hello Cruel World - for a very very very VERY long time, i regarded this as the last truly good episode of supernatural. it’s certainly the last episode where lucifer is scary for a very long time, and the last time sam and dean get along for the last time. there’s even a cas cameo :(

11.09 O Brother Where Art Thou? - SEASON 5 AND 6 CALLBACKS EVERYWHERE! this is like 7.02 except it’s real. we love a good scary lucifer. i shouted about this for weeks nonstop after it aired

6.20 The Man Who Would Be King - i have mixed feelings about cas’s whole thing in season 6, but this is the only episode we ever get with him as the narrator, so there’s no way i’m leaving it off this list. i can do his little speech on the opening cold.

2.01 In My Time of Dying - LMAO I’M PRETTY SURE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SPN MADE ME CRY. what a good john & dean episode. !dean lives in my head rent free.

14.07 Unhuman Nature - i can’t get through this episode without losing it lol. supernatural said we’re gonna cover grief and the inevitability of death with such tenderness you will never recover! and then i didn’t.

3.03 Bad Day at Black Rock - this was my favorite episode until 5.18 aired. it’s still a comfort episode; i can just put it on whenever. it’s like a perfect bottle episode, it’s funny without being too wild or too dramatic, the comedic timing IS perfect. forever in my heart as one of the only episodes in s3 i can stand <3

1.22 Devil’s Trap - do i even need to explain this. the JOHN AND DEAN. the DEMON. the MUSIC. the CAR ACCIDENT. MEGGGGG

[spn masterpost]

[365days365movies]

March 12, 2021: Jason and the Argonauts (Review)

We gotta revitalize the mythology epic film.

I loved this movie...mostly. I’ll get to the “mostly” of it all, but I need to first say that I love the idea of this film. I desperately want more films based (faithfully) on Greek mythology. Please. PLEASE. And I know, I know, Paramount made a Clash of the Titans reboot in 2010, and it was...

...bad. It was really bad. Also probably ended Sam Worthington’s career, because dude VANISHED into the aether of Hollywood after this movie, and its equally bad sequel, Wrath of the Titans. I know, OK? But I still desperately want Greek mythology films.

And yeah, this would be an...OK start, but there’s so much potential! We’ve had Troy to cover Homer’s Iliad, and Troy wasn’t terrible, but we NEED an Odyssey movie, for the love of GOD. Do you know how much goddamn potential there is for an Odyssey movie? 

And I’m fully aware of O Brother Where Art Thou, but it’s loosely based on the story at best. We need an Odyssey movie, is all I’m saying. Not just that, though. We need a new movie about Hercules (non-Disney, and NOT starring the Rock), a movie about a normal Greek dude navigating the complex world of the gods, maybe a movie about Theseus or Perseus (again, yes, I know), and, of course, a Jason and the Argonauts movie.

I need this. I need this more than I can express. Oh, and I really want these films to be accurate, not the fast-and-loose approach to mythology that 1963′s film incarnation played. And oh...let’s get to THAT, shall we? Check out Part One and Part Two of the Recap for more on that, if you’d like more details!

Review

Cast and Acting: 9/10

Much to my everlasting surprise, the acting in this film is actually pretty good! Yeah, it’s definitely got that stereotypical 1960s flair, but it actually makes sense for an epic film based on Greek mythology. It all feels very epic, very grand, and the actors definitely help to contribute to that feeling. Up top, of course, you’ve got Todd Armstrong playing the noble Jason...kinda. Yeah, we’ll get to that, but he only played the character physically, while his voice was overdubbed by Tim Turner. Which...yeah, again, more on that later. But Armstrong is backed by some good support, especially Honor Blackman, Laurence Naismith, and Nancy Kovack, whose turn as the future murderer Medea actually shows her potential villainy in her sparse performance. Seriously, I was impressed by her characterization! This movie surprised me in terms of its acting. Although...Nigel Green as Heracles is only OK, and I’m a little chuffed that he only lasted through some of the film. Of course, that harkens to my BIGGEST issue...

Plot and Writing: 7/10

...OK, look, I know in my heart-of-hearts that judging the story of this film, adapted by Beverley Cross and Jan Read, as based on The Argonautica by Appolonius Rhodius, is unfair. It is. I’m aware of this, don’t worry. But that said...it’s not as good as the original story. Or, at the very least, it makes some weird choices that could’ve been changed. I went through the major inaccuracies in my Recap (too much, at that), so I won’t touch on most of that here. BUT, I do have some points to get through. Bear with me (or just skip this section, let’s be honest).

Missing Argonauts: Literally, the only major Argonaut from the story that actually gets to do something is Heracles, and he DOESN’T GET TO BE HERACLES. Dude is the most famous demigod of all time, and he never gets to do anything more than hold open a door and piss of Talos. Yeah. Disappointing as HELL. But that’s not THE WORST of it. Sure, Atalanta can be unused, as she wasn’t in many versions of the myth anyway. But the Wind Brothers? They’re necessary for defeating the Harpies, but they’re nowhere to be seen. Castor and Pollux? Oh, they’re in the movie, and they don’t do ANYTHING. Orpheus? ORPHEUS? YOU DIDN’T INCLUDE ORPHEUS AT ALL? Orpheus is arguably the most important of the Argonauts outside of Jason and Heracles, and he’s just...nonexistent. That’s just patently offensive. You really couldn’t give Harryhausen the chance to make Sirens? That would’ve been amazing! Speaking of them...

Missing and Misplaced Perils: Yeah, OK, this one’s a little unfair, because I don’t think putting Talos in here was a bad idea AT ALL. It’s actually my favorite part of the film, not gonna lie. But yeah, he was present on the return journey, not the journey to Colchis. But OK, whatever. At least we have the Harpies, the Clashing Rocks, the Sirens, the...oh wait. Where are the Sirens? I guess with no Orpheus, there are no Sirens, but...we really should’ve had both in here, come on.

Acastus: Yeah, here’s a weird criticism, but Acastus really was misused in here as well. He was actually one of Jason’s Argonauts, and came back from the journey on good terms with him...until Medea manipulated and tricked his sisters into cutting their father into pieces in order to gain promised immortality and boil those pieces for consumption. Yeah. Medea’s evil as SHIT. But turning Acastus into a heel-turn villain was...unnecessary, I think. Not that bad, though, so I guess this is a nitpick. I guess I would’ve liked to see the group return, and have had Acastus side with Jason against Pelias. I think that would’ve been neat. And speaking of Pelias...

The Ending: WHAT THE FUCK WAS WITH THE ENDING? Really? No conclusion to the story? What happens on the journey back? What happens with Pelias and Jason? Does Jason become King of Thessaly, now that Acastus is dead? Come on, man, what the hell! I HATE how that film ends so much, because there’s just nothing. Jason escapes by jumping off a cliff, the soldiers are still around (and are probably gonna kill the Colchian soldiers out of bloodlust), and Jason and Medea kiss, AND THE MOVIE ENDS. GAAAAAAAH

...Yeah, the plot could use some work, I think. But the worst part is...it’s still not a bad version of the story. Yeah! Despite all of my problems with it, most of the changes narratively make sense, outside of the original Argonautica. So, all things considered, I’m probably being too harsh on this film for personal reasons. What can I say, I love Greek mythology? But, I can still admit that this film is well-plotted out...for what it is.

Directing and Cinematography: 8/10

Is it the most groundbreaking direction by Don Chaffey, or the best cinematography by Wilkie Cooper? Well, no, but it’s still good. There aren’t exactly any amazing and groundbreaking shots here, but I also have no complains about either of these categories. So, yeah, not bad, guys. However...

Production and Art Design: 10/10

...the film still LOOKS fantastic. Because the production, set, and art design of this movie are all fantastic. From the costumes, to the Argo, to the authentic-looking sets, this movie looks great. And, of course...there are the effects by Ray Harryhausen. Which deserves the biggest chef’s kiss I can muster. Some of you may be thinking, “I dunno man, those effects don’t fully hold up.” To which I must remind you, that this film is 57 years old. FIFTY. SEVEN. Look, for the time period, this is groundbreaking, and it honestly looks pretty good today, even with the advent of better technologies. And the fact that these are technically physical objects does make this film look more...well, real, to be honest. It all looks pretty real, in a way. And they’re even pretty well-integrated with the live-action actors, much to my surprise. Gotta say, I love it. Antiquated, maybe, but also authentic. I love it.

Music and Editing: 9/10

Music, done by Bernard Hermann, is stellar and BOOMING. It’s an epic score for an epic story, and I also love it. As for the editing by Maurice Rootes, it’s also pretty great. Except for the sound editing. Yeah, um, the sound-editing for this movie isn’t great. It’s not bad, but it definitely isn’t amazing, especially in the base of dubbing for Jason and Medea. Oh, yeah, she’s dubbed over by Eva Haddon, forgot to mention that. And it’s pretty obvious. It’s a weak point, is what I’m saying.

88%, which might be a little...biased.

I love Greek mythology (he said for the eightieth time), and that may have colored my perception of this film. And yet, I do still really like this movie! It’s a classic film, and I’m looking forward to the other film of it’s caliber coming in a few days!

For the next one, though, I’ll have to do something non-Greek myth based. I mean, to continue the previously established trend...back to Japan for 3 HOURS? Oh...oh shit. I may have to break this next one up.

March 13, 2021: Kwaidan (1965)

[skinks]

hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

[crackspinewornpages]

The Tempest- William Shakespeare

A1S1

There is a storm at sea, the shipmaster tells the boatswain to order the mariners to move or they’ll run aground. Alonso asks them where the shipmaster is they keep telling him to stay below, Gonzalo tells them to be patient, they tell him to leave them alone and go below. (storms at sea are scary as shit if the professional sailors are telling you to get below get the fuck below) Gonzalo tell them to remember who they have onboard, they’re not having it “None that I more love than myself. You are a counsellor: if you can command these elements to silence, and work the peace of the present, we will not hand a rope more:”p.1 Tell him again to get to his cabin and out of their way, Gonzalo says he looks like a drowning man, “If he be not born to be hanged, our case is miresable.”p.1

The boatswain call orders and ask if Sebastian, Gonzalo and Antonio want to drown when they come back up. Sebastian curses at him and the Boatswain tells him to work then, (I like these boatswain they don’t take shit) Antonio then insults him saying they’re not afraid as he is of drowning. (you say that now) Gonzalo warrants him for drowning but the ship is leaky and the boatswain give more orders. The mariners show up soaking wet lamenting that it’s hopeless before leaving. Gonzalo wants to help them, Sebastian and Antonio complain and Gonzalo says he’ll be hanged yet in spite of the water. The sailors call farewell to each other, Antonio wants to sink with the king and Gonzalo says, “Now would I give a thousand furlongs of sea for an acre of barren ground:”p.2

A1S2

On an island Miranda asks her father to stop the storm, “If by your art, my dearest father, you have put the wild waters in this roar, allay them.”p.2 She watched a ship sink and suffers thinking everyone had drowned. Prospero tells her there’s nothing to worry about, he’s taken care of her, but she is ignorant of the art and what he is. (that’s because you never taught her) He lays down his mantle for her to sit on as he tells her (and also the audience) his backstory. He’s already made sure no one died in the wreck, Miranda interrupts that he’s tried before to tell the story but stopped since it wasn’t the time. Prospero asks if she remembers before they were on the island when she was three. He doubts but she remembers some women that took care of her.

He says it’s been twelve years since he’s been Duke of Milan and she was practically a princess. Miranda asks what happened to change that, by blessed and foul play. “By foul play, as thou say’st, were we hear’d thence: but blessed help hither.”p.3 His brother Antonio, he loved him and put him in charge of his state and governmental duties while he studied his magic. Antonio then betrayed him, turning the state against him. “to credit his own lie,-he did believe he was indeed the duke: out o’ the substitution, and executing th’out word face of royalty, with all prerogative:-hence his ambition growing,”p.3 (well you ignored your duties and shoved them off on him of course he would feel like it was him that deserved the title) He played the role for Prospero, all he cared for was his library, but Antonio swayed the king of Naples to Miranda’s shock. “I should sin to think but nobly of my grandmother: good wombs have borne bad sons.”p.3 (oh sweety)

Prospero continues that the king exiled them both in the night since they couldn’t execute them, they were sent out in a rickety boat in the middle of the sea. (so still executed and why Miranda too she’s three) Miranda kept his spirits up as by divine intervention they came to this island. Gonzalo felt sorry for them and sent water and food, clothes and his favorite books and Miranda wishes she could meet him. Prospero finishes that on the island he educated her, Miranda is thankful but still, what’s his reason for the storm. Bountiful Fortune brought his enemies to shore but no more questions and orders her to sleep. (wouldn’t it be great to just sleep on common)

Prospero calls up Ariel who comes to answer his commands, she played out the tempest as he wanted with waves and fire. All but the mariners plunged into the foam and Prince Ferdinand was the first to jump. None of them were harmed and she scattered them around the island and Ferdinand is alone. The ship is in harbor and the fleet is bound for Naples after seeing the ship supposedly wreck. (and not bother to look for survivors) Prospero says she performed well but there’s more work to be done, Ariel complains, “Let me remember thee what thou hast promis’d which is not yet preform’d me.”p.5 her freedom. She’s served without complaint for a year, he asks if she’s forgotten that he already freed her from Sycorax, no.

Sycorax from Argier, banished since they couldn’t kill her with her child and was brought here. Ariel was her servant, too delicate to act on her abhorred commands so was imprisoned in a pine tree for a dozen years even after Sycorax died. She was left alone with only her human shaped son Caliban, who Prospero now has in his service. He heard her torment and freed her, (you already freed her from the tree what else bounds her) she’s thankful and will do as he wishes. (this is on the verge of an abusive relationship ‘I got you out of your bad situation after you refused to serve someone now serve me or I won’t free you’) After two more days he’ll release her, she asks what to do, he has her be like a sea nymph and be invisible to all but him. She leaves and he wakes up Miranda to see Caliban and he calls him to do orders.

Caliban comes in insulting them and Prospero promises painful cramps that night for it. Caliban says this is his island and it was his mother’s and they took it from when they first came. They treated him well and he loved them and he showed them around, his mistake (really makes you feel sympathy for him). Prospero calls him a lying slave who tried to rape Miranda (sympathy gone) and calls him abhorred. He took pity to him and taught him, “which any print of goodness will not take, being capable of ill!”p.6 So he was deservedly confined to the rock and orders him to find firewood quickly or he’ll give him cramps.

Ariel comes back singing with Ferdinand following, wondering where the music is coming from. Prospero asks Miranda what she sees, she calls it a spirit, he corrects her. “A goodly person: he hath lost his fellows and strays about to find ‘em.” “I might call him a thing divine; for nothing natural I ever saw so noble.”p.7 Ferdinand sees Miranda, calls her a goddess and asks if she could show him how to live here and if she is a maid. (like that’s the most important thing right now) She is a maid and he’s happy to hear his own language and wishes he were in Naples.

Prospero says he is the Duke of Milan and to himself that they could control him and he’ll free Ariel for this. Miranda wonders why her father speaks like this, “This is the third man that e’er I saw; the first that e’re I sighe’d for: pity move my father to be inclin’d my way!”p.7 Ferdinand says he’ll make her the Queen of Naples and Prospero acts upset but is happy at the development. He acts like he thinks Ferdinand is a spy but Ferdinand and Miranda protest this, Prospero calls him a traitor and tells Miranda not to talk to him and he’ll be a prisoner. Miranda pleads for him Prospero orders him to put his sword up and Miranda begs. Prospero warns he’ll scold her for advocating for Ferdinand when she ‘sonly seen two men, she says she doesn’t want to see any others. (I know it’s part of the plan but there is  point since this is the only man she’s seen that she isn’t related to or tried to assault her) Ferdinand says he feels his father’s loss, “to whom I am subdued, are but light to me, might I but through my prison once a day behold this maid:”p.8 (Shakespeare and his insta love) Prospero is happy his plan worked but asks what use he is, Miranda tells him her father is better natured, Prospero says he’ll be free but to do as he commands.

A2S1

On another part of the island everyone else is fine and Gonzalo tell them to cheer up, “So have we all, of joy; for our escape is much beyond our loss.”p.8 Their woe is common in sailor widows but this is a miracle they survived, Antonio, Sebastian and Alonzo aren’t impressed. (if I went through that I wouldn’t either) They look around the island and notice their clothes are untouched from the sea, fresh like when they put them on in Africa for the wedding. Sebastian calls it a sweet marriage and hopes they’ll return and they talk of the widow Dido. Alonzo wishes he didn’t marry his daughter there since they wouldn’t be her now and Ferdinand wouldn’t be lost and he won’t see them or Naples again.

Francisco tells him Ferdinand may be alive he saw him swimming in the sea to shore, Alonzo doesn’t think so. Sebastian says he may thank himself for this loss, not blessing Europe with his daughter rather than losing her to an African, banishing her from his eye. All of them including her between loathness and obedience, lost Ferdinand now Milan has more widows it’s all his fault. (not helping Antonio) Gonzalo chides him for speaking like that, rubbing salt in the wound when he should make him feel better instead of bringing down their moods. “It’s foul weather in us all, good sir, when you are cloudy.”p.9

Gonzalo wishes for a planation by contraries. “No occupation; all men idle, all; and women too, but innocent and pure; no sovereignty-“p.10 Sebastian and Antonio cut him off, Gonzalo says all things with common nature should produce without endeavor but nature should bring abundance to feed people. (you know farming is a ting) Sebastian and Antonio mock him, Alonzo wants to join in, Antonio says they’re laughing at Gonzalo, who says they laugh at nothing. This is when Ariel arrives (thank god) invisible with music and all but Alonzo Sebastian and Antonio sleep, as he told Alonzo he’ll guard he does so and Ariel leaves.

Sebastian remarks on the strange drowsiness, Antonio blames the climate but they’re not tired. Antonio claims to see a crown on his head, Sebastian says that’s sleep talk but they’re wide awake and they talk. Antonio says the lord is weak remembrance, “for he’s a spirit of persuasion, only professes to persuade,-the king, his son’s alive, ‘tis as impossible that he’s undrown’d as he that sleeps here swims.”p.11 Sebastian doesn’t have hope and Antonio asks who’s the next heir, Claribel Queen of Tunis. Antonio says there’s space, how can Claribel measure back to Naples Sebastian could rule. (killing the king to take the throne doesn’t usually end well)

Sebastian believes he follows and remembers how Antonio supplanted Prospero. Antonio says it’s true, now look at him, his conscience doesn’t bother him. Here lies Sebastian’s brother, “no better than the earth he lies upon, if he were that which now he’s like, that’s dead; whom I, with this obedient steel,-three inches of it,-can lay to bed for ever;”p.11 They plan to frame Gonzalo and talk as Ariel reenters and sing-warns Alonzo awake and he sees the two armed. Sebastian lies that they heard a bellowing, didn’t he hear, he heard nothing, (my god you’re dumb to believe this) Gonzalo heard a humming and should search. Alonzo wants to look for his son and they leave, Ariel says that Prospero shall know what she did and the king is looking for Ferdinand.

A2S2

Caliban is walking, carrying a bundle of wood, wishing Prospero would get sick then Trinculo shows up. Trinculo is lamenting there’s nothing to make shelter since another storm is coming when he sees Caliban. “What have we here? A man or a fish? Dead or alive?”p.12 Then he goes on saying he smells like old fish before saying he’s an islander that suffered a thunderbolt. (we get it he’s ugly) As the storm is coming he decides to wait under a gaberdine until it passes, that’s when Stephano shows up singing and drinking ad Caliban tells him to sop tormenting him.

Stephano asks what’s the matter thinking it’s a trick and Caliban thinks he’s a spirit tormenting him. Stephano wonders how this monster knows his language but then decides he could take him to Naples as a present for royalty. (look up human zoos) Caliban keeps saying not to torment him he’ll bring the wood faster and Stephano decides to give him wine to stop his fit. Trinculo hears Stephano and scares him when he comes out but convinces him he’s no devil but is his friend. Stephano asks him about Caliban and Trinculo tells him he thought he was struck by a thunderbolt and he hid out of the storm and Stephano warns him not to shake him because his stomach is upset.

Caliban realizes they’re not spirits, “That’s a brave god and bears celestial liquor. I will kneel to him.”p.13 Stetphano asks Trinculo how he escaped, he himself was saved by a sack and his bottle, Caliban swears on said bottle to be his servant. Trinculo says he swam to shore like a duck Stephano says he’s more like a goose and gives Trinculo a drink and he has more his by the seaside. Caliban asks where he came from, he’s the man in the moon and Trinculo calls him a weak monster. (they keep calling him a moon calf I don’t get it) Caliban will show them around and calls Stephano a god and he’ll be his subject and Trinculo finds it all funny. (well this is the comedy part) “A plague upon the tyrant that I serve! I’ll bear him no more sticks, but follow thee, thou wonderous man.” “A most ridiculous monster, to make a wonder of a poor drunkard!”p.13 Caliban goes on about the things he’ll do for him and Stephano has him lead the way believing everyone else is drowned and Caliban starts singing about his new master and freedom.

A3S1

Ferdinand is carrying a log saying some sports are painful and nobly undergone to rich ends, his task is heavy but Miranda gives him pleasure, he has to move a thousand logs and she cries seeing him. Miranda wants him not to work so hard and rest, her father will be busy for three hours, she’ll carry the logs. Ferdinand tells her he’d rather break his back than her dishonor herself, Miranda says it will be easy for her as she wants to do it and he doesn’t, he looks weary. “No, noble maiden; ‘tis fresh morning with me when you are by at night.”p.14 (dude she already likes you) He asks her name, she gives it against what her father said.

Ferdinand calls her the top of admiration, he’s liked several women but never any without defect or a full soul. “but you, O you! So perfect and so peerless, are created of every creature’s best.”p.14 (you just met her lighten up on the praise a bit) Miranda’s never seen another woman besides herself, she call men like him a good friend and her father, but wouldn’t wish any companion but him. Ferdinand says he’s a prince and a king wouldn’t endure this and has her speak he’ll be at her service for her sake. She asks if he loves her, “I beyond all limit of what else; the world, do love, prize, honour you.”p.14 (he fell hard and fast) Miranda cries because she’s happy and unworthy, she’ll be his wife and if not, die his maid or servant. Ferdinand says he’ll be her husband, “Ay ‘with a heart as willing as bondage e’er of freedom: here’s my hand.” “And mine, with my heart int and not farewell till half an hour hence.”p.15 They leave and Prospero is glad his plan is working but there’s still much to perform. (his machinations lay undetected for years for he is a master of deception)

A3S2

On another part of the island with Caliban, Stephano and Trinculo are drinking and Trinculo says that including them there’s five on the island who are the other two. Caliban say he won’t serve him as he is not valiant. Trinculo asks if he lies being half fish and monster, Caliban asks Stephano if he will let Trinculo mock him. Stephano says he’s his subject and won’t suffer indignity to Caliban’s thanks. Ariel comes invisible as Caliban is telling them he’s in servitude to a tyrant that cheated him of the island, he’s not lying. “I say, by sorcery he got this isle; from me he got it: if thy greatness will, revenge it on him,”p.15 he’ll be lord and he’ll serve him. He’ll have him go to sleep so Stephano can put a nail in his head, Ariel tells them they can’t startling Caliban who beseeches Stephano to beat up Trinculo for interrupting. (I guess all this was funny back then)

Stephano tells him to stop and Trinculo says he did nothing and Ariel says he lied angering Stephano who hits Trinculo. Trinculo says it’s not him, blaming the bottle causing Caliban to laugh. Stephano tells hm to continue his tale, it’s Prospero’s habit to sleep in the afternoon that’s when you can brain him or knife him, (poison him drown him bash him on the head) burn his books and damn his daughter. She’ll be his bed and bore his brood (who whoa whoa this just stopped being funny) and Stephano likes this plan and asks Trinculo if he is. In a half hour they’ll carry it out and they sing but stop when Ariel plays a tune. Stephano calls the devil to show itself Trinculo begs forgiveness and Stephano mercy, Caliban says not to be afraid, “the isle is full of noises, sounds and sweet airs, that give delight, and hurt not.”p.16 Sometimes music, sometimes voices and Stephano would like it when he is king and they follow after it.

A3S3

On another part of the island is everyone else, Gonzalo says he can’t go any farther. Alonzo doesn’t blame him he’s tired too and lost hope he’ll find Ferdinand alive and Antonio and Sebastian talk about their next advantage. There’s music and Prospero, invisible, watches as a banquet appears and shapes invite the king to everyone’s amazement. Gonzalo says if he reported this in Naples no one would believe him, the islanders have a monstrous shape but are mannered, more kind than most humans you’d find. (well given your current company I can understand) Prospero aside, “Honest lad, thou hast said well; for some of you there present are worse than devils.”p.17 (see he agrees with me) The shapes vanish but leave the feast behind and Antonio won’t taste it and Gonzalo assures there’s nothing to fear. (dude that’s fairy food there’s probably broken church glass in it)

Ariel arrives looking like a harpy in thunder and lightning and the banquet vanishes. He calls them men of sin, the sea belched them up on an uninhabited island, “you ‘mongst men being most unfit to live. I have made you mad;”p.17 (I’ve noticed Shakespeare been using a lot of apostrophes in this play I don’t know why) They draw their swords she calls them fools she and her fellows are ministers of fate, they might as well harm wind and water, she is invulnerable. “But remember,-for that’s my business to you,-that you three from Milan did supplant good Prospero; expos’d into the sea, which hath requit it, him and his innocent child.”p.17 A foul deed the powers didn’t forget, she enchanted everything against their peace and gave Ferdinand worse, only death, this isle is nothing but sorrow to them. She disappears and the scene comes back and Prospero is happy with the performance and he’ll go back to Ferdinand and Miranda. Alonzo is freaking out (pretty reasonable reaction) and Sebastian declares he’ll fight it and Antonio and Gonzalo say they’re desperate from their guilt.

A4S1

Prospero says he’s punished and to make amends to Ferdinand he’s given his daughter, but she’ll outstrip his praise, he believes it. Prospero says she’s his gift but if he takes her virginity before the ceremony he is in for shit. Ferdinand says he won’t succumb to lust because he hopes for a fair and long life. (can I just see a modern day version of this where Prospero’s magic staff can turn into a loaded shot gun like it’s played straight but everyone is a country redneck) Ariel then arrives, she performed well and he needs her to do it again, bring them to this place and show them the couple. Basically says he’s setting up a blind date with a twink (actual word used) and she asks if he loves her dearly. (is there some Stockholm thing going on) Iris, Ceres and Juno come to perform a masque to celebrate the betrothal and bless the couple. Juno and Ceres sing and Ferdinand is in awe of the spirits, “Let me live her ever: so rare a wonder’d father and a wise, make this place paradise.”p.19

Prospero tells him to be quiet or their spell won’t work and Iris calls the nymphs to help celebrate. The spirits celebrate by dancing and vanish when Prospero remembers Caliban’s conspiracy to kill him. (yeah there’s still a conflict) Ferdinand and Miranda note he’s acting weird, Prospero tells Ferdinand to be cheerful the spirits he called just disappeared but he’s troubled and tells them to retire and he’ll go for a walk to calm down. When they leave he calls Ariel they have to prepare for Caliban and she tells him they are drunk and she charmed them with music into a pool. “A devil, a born devil, one whose nature nurture can never stick; on whom my pains, humanely taken, are all lost, quite lost;”p.20 (I can see how people can see Caliban as a racist caricature) and Prospero swears to plague them all.

Ariel comes back with fancy clothes and hangs them on a line and she and Prospero are invisible as Caliban, Stephano and Trinculo arrive soaking wet. Caliban warns them to walk softly and Stephano says the so called harmless fairy has only played a prank on them and he and Trinculo claim to smell horse piss and are getting impatient. Caliban tells them to be patient and talk quietly and Trinculo complains of losing his bottle in the pool. Caliban tells them to be quiet as they are here to enter the cell and do the deed but Trinculo becomes distracted by the fancy outfits. Caliban gets irritated that they’re going through the clothes and losing time and They start to pile the outfits in his arms. (I guess people had low standards of comedy back then because this is just annoying back to the plot please) Sprits enter in the shapes of hunting hounds and drive them off with Prospero cheers them on. “Let them be hunted soundly. At this hour lie at my mercy all mine enemies: shortly shall all my labours end, and thou shalt have the air at freedom.”p.21

A5S1

Prospero and Ariel enter his cell, his plans are coming to a head and Ariel tells him he said at the sixth hour their work would end. He did say that and asks about the king and the others, just as he left them in the line-grave until he releases them. They’re dismayed and Gonzalo is crying and if he saw them his feelings would change, she’d think so if she were human, he would too. “Though with their high wrongs I am struck to the quick, yet with my nobler reason ‘gainst my fury do I take part: the rarer action is in virtue than in vengene: they being patient, the sole drift of my purpose doth extended not a frown further.”p.22 (is this like a thrown in lesson at the end of the episode) He has her release them then soliloquys that he’ll give up his magic, “I’ll break my staff, bury it certain fathoms in the earth, and deeper than did ever plummet sound, I’ll drown my book.”p.22 (As this is apparently the last play Shakespeare wrote people see it as a goodbye to is playwriting besides that I can see Prospero decide to give it up as studying magic and putting off his duties was what got him in this situation in the first place)

Ariel reenters with Antonio and the others standing charmed in the circle Prospero made and speaks to them. He calls Gonzalo honorable and loyal who saved him then calls out the king and his brother, “-most cruelty didst thou, Alonzo, use me and my daughter: thy brother was  a furtherer in the act;”p.22 Says he and Sebastian planned to kill the king and he forgives them and tells Ariel to get his hat and rapier and she’ll be free. (what binds her she’s already out of the tree) She sings as she helps Prospero and he says he’ll miss her and for her to wake the sleeping ship crew and bring them there.

Gonzalo says trouble and amazement are on the island and asks for some heavy power to get them out, then Prospero introduces himself and welcomes them. Alonzo asks where he’s been or if he’s there to abuse him and begs forgiveness and how is he living here. Prospero welcomes them as his friends except for Antonio and Sebastian, “I here could pluck his highness’ frown upon you, and justify you traitors: at this time I will tell no tales.”p.23 (these guys orchestrated the attempted murder of you your daughter and the king and you won’t say a thing while they’re all there there’s forgiveness and there’s stupidity) The devil isn’t speaking for him, he forgives his brother’s faults but requires his dukedom restored. Alonzo begs for how he survived and met them, they shipwrecked and lost his son Ferdinand. Prospero says he also lost his daughter and the king is remorseful, “A daughter? O heavens! That they were living both in Naples, the king and queen there!”p.23 (funny you should mention that)

He wishes he were in the sea where his son is and asks when he lost her, in the Tempest. (I see this as him emotional torturing him a bit) Prospero knows they’ve been through much but he is real and he landed on this shore and is lord of it and welcomes them to his court and to look around. The cell opens to reveal Miranda and Ferdinand paying chess and she accuses him of letting her win. Alonzo thinks it’s a vision Sebastian calls it a miracle and Ferdinand is relieved the seas are merciful. Alonzo is overjoyed and asks how he came here and Miranda is amazed at all the people. “How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world, that has such people in’t!”p.23 (oh honey you’re going to have such a huge culture shock) Alonzo asks who she is, the goddess that brought them here, Ferdinand says she is as mortal and his.

She is the daughter of the Duke of Milan who he heard is renown but never met before who gave him a new life and became his second father. Alonzo asks for his forgiveness, Prospero tells him to stop (please) it’s all in the past. Gonzalo asks the gods to drop a blessed crown on the couple he is beyond joy that in the journey to marry Claribel Ferdinand found a wife while he was lost. Alonzo takes their hands, “Let grief and sorrow still embrace his heart that doth not wish you joy!”p.24 Ariel comes back with the ship crew and the boatswain are happy to find them alive and good news the ship was repaired and ready to set to sea. As they explain how they were put to sleep Prospero sets Ariel free. Alonzo says they have to conduct an oracle to shed light on this strange place, Prospero tells him not to bother and he’ll resolve him and aside to Ariel tells her to set Caliban and the other two free.

She returns with them wearing stolen clothes and Caliban is afraid Prospero will chastise him. Prospero says that Caliban’s mother was a witch that could control the moon (is that why he’s called moon calf) and the three have robbed him and plotted to kill him. ��two of these fellows you must know and own; this thing of darkness is I acknowledge mine.”p.25 Alonzo recognizes his drunken butler (a butler’s original purpose was to serve wine I guess showing them as alcoholics was funny back then even Tolkien did it) and Trinculo and Caliban is a strange one. Prospero tells Caliban to take them to his cell and he has his pardon. “Ay, that I will; and I’ll be wise hereafter, and seek for grace. What a thrice-double ass was I, to take this drunkard for a god. And worship this dull fool!”p.25 Alonzo tells them to return the clothes and Prospero invites them in for the night and he’ll tell them the story of his life and wishes Ariel well.

Epilogue

Prospero says he gave up charms now has his own faint strength to either stay here or be sent to Naples but let him not since he pardoned the deceiver and got his dukedom back. He asks the audience to now free him from the island, “unless I be reliev’d by prayer, which pierces so that it assaults mercy itself and fees all faults. As you from cries would pardon’d be, let your indulgence set me free.”p.25 (now clap dammit)

[mrsrcbinscn]

Franny Robinson HC Infodump #4: Country and Bluegrass Music

hi, I’ll finally do a writeup on her work in jazz next but I’m in a country mood and was INSPIRED so oops country first

Word count: 2486

Dara & Danny

  In 1991, Daniel Maitland (fc: Martin Sensmeier), an Indigenous Alaskan kid, moved from Alaska to Payne Lake, Georgia, with his parents and older and younger sisters after his father got a job opportunity in Atlanta, a reasonable commute away. Daniel spent two years being musical rivals with Franny Framagucci before he proposed they just combine their talents and perform together at talent shows and the county fair. The two were inseparable, musically, until Franny went to college at NYU and Daniel went to East Tennessee State.

  They remained friends throughout college and reunited during winter and summer breaks to play together locally. Daniel was in Franny’s wedding party. He’s Wilbur’s godfather and is ‘Uncle Dan’, they’ve always remained close. They would write songs together usually through an internet connection except for when they could travel to write in person.

  In 2009, Daniel once again was the one who suggested they officially collaborate. That’s when the bluegrass-country-traditional southern/Appalachian folk duo was born. They have released 9 albums together since they started releasing music under Dara & Danny.

  One album, titled Molly’s Church, is almost entirely songs from the hymnal of the Church of the Nazarene in their hometown in Georgia, which was the church their friend Molly attended before her death. It was a “fuck you” response to them having received backlash from certain gatekeepers for a video of them singing Hank Williams’ I Saw The Light going viral. They were pissed two non-Christians were getting praise for performing the song. (Franny is a Buddhist and Daniel is an Indigenous Alaskan with traditional spiritual beliefs).

  To the backlash, Franny said, and announced the dropping of this album on an Instagram Live Q & A, “It’s funny. Like. Christmas is such a part of mainstream American culture. I celebrate Christmas, my non-religious Maori husband celebrates Christmas, are y’all mad about that too? Christianity is so deeply woven into American culture and the history of American music, like I just -- its wild y’all are so mad. And because I like to poke an angry bear, our new album, Molly’s Church [...] and what really gets me is like - just because I ain’t Christian, don’t mean I’m ignorant about it either. I’m from the Bible Belt, y’all. I did go to church with my little friends some Sunday mornin’s as a child if I had a sleepover at their house. [...] One of my best friends, the lovely, talented, beautiful, late Molly Vaughn, who we named the album after, was a devout Christian. When I would cry, she’d always sing It Is Well With My Soul to me and play with my hair. You can’t tell me that because I’m not a Christian, that song ain’t special to me. I think of that song whenever I’m going through a hard time and my heart is at peace because at its core it's a song about looking at your situation and making peace with it, and finding the strength to move on to hopefully better days. At her husband’s request, I sang Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing at her funeral, okay? Like- [pause for annoyed exhaling] to suggest we have nothing but respect for these beautiful hymns is insulting. [...] Insulting not just to us, but to the hymns. They’re so beautiful that they have made an emotional impact on two non-Christian musicians. I think that’s wonderful and speaks to how lucky we are to live in a time where all sorts of sorts are able to learn from and share with each other. But that’s just us, I guess.

  Every song on Molly’s Church has a special memory attached to it for either myself or Daniel, or in the case of Be Thou My Vision, it was Molly’s favorite hymn ever. We couldn’t name an album of hymns after her and not put that on it.”

  The track list is as follows: [Spotify playlist]

  I couldn’t find a folksy or bluegrassy version of Be Thou My Vision, which. I’m ANGRY about. Because when I was a practicing Nazarene Christian it was my favorite hymn, and I still find it beautiful but.

  Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing

How Great Thou Art

Dwelling In Beulah Land

Be Thou My Vision

It Is Well With My Soul

I Saw The Light

Victory In Jesus

Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel 

Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory

Holy, Holy, Holy

  Another album, titled Something’s Rotten in The Sticks is purposely very dark. It’s largely covers of murder ballads and sad traditional folk songs from the American South and Appalachian Mountains, featuring original songs and covers of songs that explore the darker sides of more modern rural life like the opioid crisis, unemployment, poor education, poverty with no social safety nets, and more. 

  Franny openly admits that she wrote the original songs from a place of immense privilege. In an Instagram Live Q&A about the album she said, “These aren’t my exact lived experiences. But I feel like I have some right to talk about these stories because these are the things happening to my people, the good people of the town that took my mother in when she was a twenty-something year old refugee, and then helped raise me. I buried my first friend thanks to the Sacklers (the family whose pharma company produces oxycontin, who purposely spread misinformation about how its a safe drug and who pret-ty much engineered the opioid epidemic) in 1998. I just last month buried one of my best friends since elementary school after three narcan shots couldn’t save them. 

  Rural Southern folks and the problems they face are dear to my heart. [...] I know how lucky I am to have grown up in the rural south and ended up where I am today, in the privileged position I am in. [...] And I see the way people in the cities talk to and about these people and it’s fucking gross. You know nothing about these people and what their lives are like, and what they care about and worry about. I have always been proud to be Southern, just as I’m proud to be Cambodian. [...] Rural poor folks are the kindest, most loving, most resilient people, and I am not ashamed that I came from that. 

  This album… so our last album, Prodigal Children of Clayton County, Georgia, was a love letter to and about our hometown and the people of the rural south. This album is more of a ‘we see you.’ And it's also, I hope, an accessible way to start explaining the problems our people face to city elites that look down their noses at them. Like, I hope people can say in response to “I just don’t understand these people”, “hey, go listen to I Grabbed A Banjo (And You, The Pills), then talk to me.”

  Daniel said in that same Q & A, “I was born in Alaska, I met Franny when I moved to her hometown in Georgia, in middle school, and we began playing music together in high school. I live in the Appalachian Mountains now, I studied Bluegrass and Old Time music at East Tennessee State University, in Johnson City. Now, I’m -- I’ve been lucky enough to make a living out of the music I love, but you know- like I said. I live in the Appalachian mountains, in Kentucky, in a rural area. I never left the rural south, since I came here, this has been my home. We’re privileged now, but had a few stars aligned differently, our high school friends’ lives would have been ours. We love the people of this region. Like Franny said, we both have two groups of people we are passionate about amplifying and equipped to amplify. Mine are our struggling rural folks, and Indigenous voices, and Franny don’t ever shut up about Cambodian or the rural south.”

  “I really fucking don’t.” Franny quipped.

The track list is as follows: [Spotify link, the first 8 tracks are the songs they covered on the album and the rest are songs that fit the vibe of the original songs to give y’all a picture]

  Knoxville Girl

I Grabbed A Banjo (And You, The Pills), an original song about the opioid epidemic that’s killed many of Franny and Daniel’s high school friends 

Troubles, traditional folk song as popularized by Kilby Snow and Anna & Elizabeth

Red Dirt Girl (Emmylou Harris cover)

But I Ain't A Milton Boy/Girl , an original song about how in Milton (a bougie rich people part of Georgia) kids go to college and become doctors and lawyers while people from the song narrators’ town don’t bother learning to solve for X because all that waits for them is army recruiters, the power company, or the unemployment line [the male narrator, Daniel], and the female narrator [Franny] sings about how she was a smart girl who held her first baby when she was a baby herself, married two bad men she thought were good, and now she sells her ADHD pills to college kids to buy groceries, and how their high school aspirations crumbled easily, and the chorus is literally just narrators fantasizing about a decent standard of living and having decent opportunities and then going, “But I ain’t a Milton boy/girl, and that’s why I’m cryin’ today”

Deportee (Woody Guthrie song as covered by Dolly Parton)

Savannah, a song Franny wrote about the time her brother drove her down to Savannah when she got pregnant in high school so she could have an abortion three hours from home, where nobody local to them would be out front shouting at people needing abortions

Poor Folks Town (Porter Wagoner and Dolly Parton cover, instrumentation is modified to be a little melancholy to fit the rest of the album, but it is still a markedly happier song than the rest of the album except for Rich Kid Clothes)

Don’t Put Whiskey In My Water, an original song about a man nine years sober almost falling off the wagon when he’s laid off ahead of his teenage daughter’s high school graduation, including the line ‘don’t worry about Ole Miss, we’ll figure it out, somehow we always do, smart little girl like you can’t die in this town’

Don’t Take Your Guns To Town (Johnny Cash cover)

Pretty Polly

Down In The Willow Garden

Rich Kid Clothes, original song about a brother and sister super jazzed about their “new” clothes, hand-me-downs from the rich kids of the house their mama cleans, happiest song on the album

Health Insurance, an original song from the perspective of three different people, on in each verse, either dying or seriously suffering from solvable medical issues but because healthcare in America is trash they either can’t get help, or are going bankrupt trying to, that’s incredibly sarcastic including lyrics like ‘and I know I deserve to die for not having had a rich great-grandaddy, and who wants to see their daughter graduate college anyway’ , one of those sad songs with joyful instrumentation

  Another album! Is titled The Rise And Fall of Jenny and Jamie, and is a concept album meant to be listened from start to finish that tells the story of a couple that falls in love, gets married, has a very dysfunctional marriage, and ultimately divorces. Think the energy of Alpha Desperation March by The Mountain Goats, and the entire Tallahasee album but especially No Children. The Dara & Danny album is a little less dark because the last few songs, about divorce, are like...happy. 

  Daniel, who had been divorced twice by the time they wrote the songs for that album, said “There is nothing sad about ending a marriage you’re miserable in or don’t want anymore. The two songs about the divorce, they’re happy because our characters are happy to be done with each other. It isn’t Tammy Wynette spelling D-I-V-O-R-C-E and lamenting the end of her marriage, instead, Jenny and Jamie realize their marriage is toxic not just for the other person, but for themself, and they’re relieved to not be married anymore.

  Notable Dara & Danny performances and accomplishments:

They cover Whiskey Lullaby at many shows they do. A video from a 2016 show went semi-viral, and fans of the duo will show it as an example of “Peak Dara & Danny”

Nominated for the 2019 Grammy Award for Best American Roots Song, as the duo Dara & Danny, but ultimately Brandi Carlile won for ‘The Joke’

Franny was absolutely thrilled for her. She STANS Brandi Carlile and has written songs with her before. 

In the post-Grammys interview, the interview asked Franny if she was disappointed and she was like “I would pay Brandi Carlile to punch me in the face, so no.”

The clip of Franny saying that went viral and embarrassed poor Wilbur

“To be honest, when I saw The Joke was nominated, I didn’t even bother writing a speech. Daniel and I were both just thrilled to be considered to be like, at her level.”

Nominated for the 2019 Grammy Award for Best American Roots Performance, as Dara & Danny, and again lost to “The Joke”, but again, did not care at all

Won the 2019 Grammy Award for Best Bluegrass Album as Dara & Danny, their fifth nomination in the category and second win

Nominated as Dara & Danny in the category Vocal Duo of The Year at the 2019 CMA awards.

Nominated for IBMA Album of the Year in 2014, 2015, 2017, and 2018

Won the 2019 IBMA for Album of the Year 

Won the 2019 IBMA for Song of the Year 

Franny is the first person of Cambodian descent to win a Grammy, an ASCAP award, an IBMA, or be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame

Daniel is the first Alaskan Native to be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame

Solo work

  Franny’s used bluegrass-folk style music to write songs about the experiences of her mother and other relatives under the Khmer Rouge and in the civil conflict that preceded it. It leans a little away from #pure bluegrass but it includes mandolin, banjo, and even some traditional Cambodian instruments. It’s this blend of bluegrass instrumentation and traditional Cambodian instruments that on paper sounds like “Franny you’re crazy” but in practice its fuckin’ lit, y’all.

  It’s as genius as The Hu, that Mongolian band that was like “what is we play metal music with guitars and a drum set and TRADITIONAL MONGOLIAN INSTRUMENTS?” Lit.

  She did an entire album, Franny Sor Robinson Covers Kitty Wells [playlist] and that album gained Franny a ton of street cred in the country/bluegrass industry. She got a lot of respect for her Kitty Wells covers.

  She’s released three solo albums of folksy-bluegrass-country style music that is original music she wrote the lyrics and music for.

  Three solo albums, the Kitty Wells cover album, and nine Dara & Danny albums makes twelve country-bluegrass albums total Franny’s released, not counting featured artist appearances on other albums.

  Notable Franny Sor Robinson awards, performances, and accomplishments in the country music sphere:

  Franny sang ‘Born To Fly’ with Sara Evans once

Franny loves that song, it came out in 2000, when she was in college at NYU, and it was a staple song of hers to perform at any gigs she did in college

The day the United States legalized same-sex marriage, Franny was a supporting solo act for a friend of hers and she was like “I don’t know a better way to celebrate than by taking one of my favorite country love songs and making it better. And by that I mean gay.” By this point she’d been out as bisexual for years. So she sang Brad Paisley’s She’s Everything 

Franny’s always kept the pronouns the same in songs she covers, so if it was a man’s song about a woman she’s always kept it about a “she.” Her cover of She Thinks I Still Care by George Jones was an instant hit when it was released on one of her solo albums

At an event honoring Randy Travis, Franny performed his hit Deeper Than The Holler for him

She also got to sing I Told You So with him once at another occasion and she damn near died

At the final show of George Strait’s final tour, Franny sang Carried Away with him and almost cried he is one of her!!! Idols!!! and during his encore, she joined him and all of the other special guests of the final concert to sing All My Exes Live In Texas

She’s been awarded and recognized by various organizations for the furthering of Asian-Americans in the arts in general, in music, and empowerment for both her work in jazz and country umbrella music

She’s performed at and been nominated for CMA awrds, ACM awards, and Americana Music Honors & Awards

She’s won Americana Music Awards

When challenged to prove she could yodel she fuckin got right up and sang Hank Williams’ Long Gone Lonesome Blues and nailed all the very technical yodeling, and its a thing she’s like, Known for doing, so she will perform it live pretty often

[missjackil]

Miss Jacki’s Top 30 Favorite Episodes

#13

Devil in the Details 11x10

After accidentally skipping yesterday, I think Ill be off by one day when Hiatus ends, unless I double up, as our boys will be back in 2 weeks 😍

This one actually shares the same spot with O Brother Where Art Thou, because its a continuation, and its equally as good IMO. 

When we left off, Lucifer had Sam cornered in the cage and taunting him, which Im sure messed many of us up for the Christmas break, but when they come back, we see we worried needlessly *sigh* and Sam isnt in immediate danger. Lucifer is going to walk him through a highlight reel of his life. It’s cute to see teenage Sam with what appears to be his first girlfriend, who is pretty forward and openly admits she thinks hes cute and funny and wants to make out! You go girl! But Lucifer uses this as a segue into how Sam isnt this same bold character he used to be. Hes gone soft.

Next, he uses his life with Amelia (bluck) to show him why he got soft, and shows him Swan Song, to remind him of how he was. How willing he was to sacrifice his life for the greater good, but claims he is no longer capable of that. Lucifer basically tells Sam that he feels too guilty for having not looked for Dean when he was in Purgatory, that he wont ever let him go again and he wont ever leave him again. But Luci is only half right. 

Yes, Sam feels terribly guilty, and no he never wants to leave Dean again, nor does he ever want to lose him again, but, he hasnt gone so soft that he wont sacrifice himself to save the world, nor would he stop Dean from doing so. So my boy has one of his greatest moments in the whole series, when he basically tells Lucifer to eff off. 

Now, Sam is a very flexible character, he changes very often... from season to season really. He learns from mistakes as well as victories and becomes better for it, What Sam has never changed from though, is his willingness to lay his life down for others. Lucifer thinks he has though. Sam might be more codependent on Dean now than he was years ago, but he is still willing to let Dean lay his life down for others too, That doesnt mean he wouldnt go looking for him, or die right along side of him, but he wont stop him. So Sam flat out tells Lucifer “No” he wont let him possess him again. But hes willing to die, and willing to watch Dean die to save the world, but he wont ever be Lucifers bitch. 

When Sam give this speech, I literally stood and applauded him!! THIS is why I love this man (among a million  other reasons)!! These are words and emotions to really hang your life on. Find that thing you wont ever allow yourself to do, and tell it off. Have your ultimate limits. Test yourself, how far can you go and still stay in control? You can put up with this thing, put up with that thing, but this is where you draw the line. If you need to stand up for yourself to someone who intimidates the hell out of you... channel Sam Winchester in this moment... seriously. There is no greater, scarier, more dangerous bully in the world than Lucifer, and Sam told him to go fuck himself.

When I was a kid dealing with bullies, aside from learning Shotakan to help defend myself, my father told me that sometimes Im gonna have to decide, whats gonna hurt worse, giving the bad guy what they want, or getting punched in the face. If I feel like Id feel better about myself by giving the bad guy my lunch money, then give it, but if I feel like getting punched in the face wont hurt as much, then be prepared. Sam here, felt he could live with whatever Lucifer could dole out on him, better than how he would feel about himself if he gave in to him.

SPN sometimes throws in some great life lessons. The whole series itself deals with life’s gray areas, places where the lines of morality arent clear, This double episode was one of them. Sam was almost sold on Lucifers plan, but then he used his brain and logic. If he did let Lucifer in again, sure he COULD save the world, but its most likely that Lucifer would end it anyway. So screw it, if its gonna end anyway, he will go down fighting along side his brother and his friends. 

An honorable mention of another great scene  Dean: Wheres Sam? Crowley: Dont worry about Sam Dean: Im sorry, have you met me?  That was precious LOL

[masked-puppetmaster]

small Ludo & Dennis rant

OK SO I see the fandom absolutely losing their shit about the whole “who is star” thing, which I definitely get because that was a major plot point definitely but like

Can we talk about the ludo episode???????? Please??????? Because hooo boy I am not ok

Fucking *muffled screaming*

Jesus fucking Christ.

Ok so at the beginning of the show I will admit, I definitely did not like Ludo. He was mean and annoying and honest to god when toffee came in I was like “Thank god” because Jesus fuck finally, a good character.

The whole beginning of the show in general honestly just wasn’t really that great to me, good enough to keep me tuning in, but not something I’d flip out over. However, as the plot has progressed, and become A WHOLE LOT darker, it has gotten more and more interesting. As a result of the way the plot has gone, Ludo is a lot more interesting of a character now, and the latest episode with him destroyed me.

Back when Ludo episodes came on i would never really be too interested, I even considered skipping some of them, but things are definitely different now. I’d like to discuss the latest Ludo centered episode because no one seems to be talking about it.

The episode was “Ludo, where art thou”; if you haven’t seen the episode yet and are planning to then don’t read the rest of this

First off, Dennis. Oh Dennis. This poor boy. This poor poor Frikkin boy.

Ludo and Dennis???? Came from???? Such an abusive household???? Like it actually hurt my heart when I watched this episode. No wonder Ludo turned out so fucked up. Jesus Christ. The “sir” line single handedly broke me, not to mention Dennis’ sitting position is just,,,,like that’s how people sit when they are s c a r e d,,,,and like you can tell he’s so used to it, they even fucking acknowledge that he’s used to it,,,,,like what they are doing is literally the actual definition of verbal abuse and I’m,,,,hoooo my god

Dennis??? being such a good brother??? like damn.

Some of the lines from this episode I was wheezing like

“You’re my hero. You were the only one brave enough to leave.”

“You turned out just like your brother” “Good.”

“You stood up for me.”

*ludo struggling, yet eventually succeeding to tell his brother he loves him*

Dennis just

They’ve been through so much and he’s just??? Such a good brother??? Something is definitely wrong with Ludo, he’s losing his mind or  s o m e t h i n g,  and god dammit Dennis just wants to  h e l p, not to mention the fact that Dennis is just??? So tired of the abuse and Ludo assuring him he’s strong enough and just,,,,, I love their dynamic???

I’m kind of shitty with words at the moment but I’m just. So emotionally dead. This episode just got so such a fuckin dark level and I’m just.....man people please start mentioning this because I am not ok. Hooo boy.

[silentstep]

WIP Tag Meme

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on: writing, art, gifsets, whatever.

Tagged by @elsajeni (thank you)!  She split hers into “active” and “abandoned,” which I’m... only sort of going to do, because everything aside from The Fic (y’all know the one by now) gets ruthlessly forced to the eternal backburner to languish the second it starts looking like it’d be enough work that it’d interfere with The Fic.  Work/family life/social life/my goddamn brainweasels all interfere hard enough with the fic as it is.

Active WIPs, or: The Fic, The Magnum Opus, The Giant Sprawling Hobbit Fix-It (that @rakshasi-sue says I am not allowed to call a fix-it despite its happy ending due to all the horrible whumpy nonsense I gleefully pile onto the characters in the meantime)

Chapter Seven is happening!  I have no idea yet what chapter seven will actually be about!  Dunlendings with salt mines!  Stonefoots with massive self-contained chemosynthesis-based cave ecoystems!  My ill-advised tendency to let the fact that I personally think dicks are hilarious influence my actual writing!  (I definitely called my local library and asked the poor librarian how the fuck I was supposed to research methods of salt mining in medieval Europe though!  “Is this for school” she asked!  And I had to stutter my way through “nnooo this is for a... uh... a fantasy novel...”!)

chapter 7 is ~5,600 words so far, bringing the fic’s total up to ~263,500 words.  (FINALLY BEATING ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, HAH.)

Not Abandoned, Hopefully Will Not Take Me Much Longer

@setnet asked “POV” for the fic meme so I’m planning to scribble out the dwarven perspective on the Daeron thing (though @setnet, please feel free to request a POV of something else specifically if you’d prefer)

Probably Abandoned, At Least Until The Hobbit Fic Is Done (In Approximately 50 Years At This Rate, Ugh)

a.) Yoda dies fighting Sidious, Obi-Wan takes Luke & Leia and runs away with Dexter Jettster post-Order 66 to raise them as Jedi as best he can on a merchant freighter (meanwhile, Katooni joins the Ohnaka Gang)  (meanwhile, an injured-but-definitely-alive Mace Windu finds his tiny grandpadawan Caleb Dume and they start searching the galaxy for other surviving Jedi while helping the fledgeling Rebellion)

b.) an even-by-my-standards-stunningly self-indulgent fic where Ned Stark receives a whole slew of prophetic dreams (and a dæmon direwolf) the night Aerys murders his father and brother, successfully convinces Jon and Robert that the rebellion should not be about seating someone new on the Iron Throne but rather breaking the kingdoms back into seven, and then rescues Elia and her children ostensibly as bargaining chips to get Lyanna back from her captors (but also because Ned is Ned and Ned thinks killing children is bad to do because hes not a horrible monster)

c.) ah yes, the Damerons

d.) Obi-Wan Leaves The Jedi Over A Misunderstanding; Jedi Apprentice!verse,  could also be titled Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan Talk Past Each Other: The Fic (don’t worry Qui-Gon manages to straighten things out and bring him back but only after a contrivedly long series of adventures that feature truly ridiculous amounts of Missed Him by That Much)

e.) Obi-Wan/Satine year-on-Mandalore (can I even call myself an Obitine shipper if I don’t have at least one of these I mean honestly)

f.) Obi-Wan/Commander Cody, Fake/Pretend Relationship For Purposes of Undercover Work (doylistically it’s also for the excuse to have Obi-Wan wear pretty skirts & show lots of skin)

g.) When Sidious commands Dooku to kill Ventress to prove his loyalty, Dooku agrees to his face then immediately comms Ventress, orders her home RIGHT NOW YOUNG LADY, reveals the whole plot to the Senate, helps the Jedi overthrow Sidious & de-chip the clones, then looks really smug when the Republic agrees to recognise the Confederacy as an independent body and there’s peace in the galaxy and the Jedi aren’t allowed to hunt him down as a Sith because he’s out of their judisdiction now, and in fact they have to stand there next to Republic dignitaries at diplomatic functions between the two political entities and furiously grind their teeth at his existence (meanwhile he hasn’t noticed how much lighter his and Ventress’ auras are slowly getting oops)  (meanwhile Ventress and Obi-Wan keep meeting at these same diplomatic functions and dancing incredible Force-assisted tangoes together (meanwhile in a 20 mile radius of this event bodices ripping men turning bisexual it was amazing the end))

h.) listen unfortunately I’m probably going to write a “while living in the Blue Mnts the Ereboreans encounter a dark-haired Noldo with a very sad, very beautiful voice who’s just wandering up and down the shoreline spilling haunting laments all over the landscape & they eventually get fed up & just kidnap him underground and use sacred hospitality as an excuse to be very stern about one’s need to eat” because please someone take care of my poor precious kinslaying baby

i.) I’m not realistically planning to write this one but.  Stratford Festival did a production of The Changeling by Thomas Middleton and it was very good and the ending was a good ending, it was perfect and cathartic and I am so glad of it but Have You Considered A Version Where The Bad Guys Win, Sincerely, SilentStep

(it’s so easy, listen, when Alcemero locks Joanna in the room and confronts De Flores with his knowledge of the murders right outside, within earshot, De Flores hears enough and then, breathing heavily, shouts Joanna!  Permission!  and there’s a two-and-a-half-second extremely charged silence before she cries Granted! in a voice that nearly breaks-- and De Flores leaps forward and kills Alcemero.  And then the others come in but the two of them don’t even need to discuss their story to get it straight: O, Lord de Piracquo, here is the body of the man who murdered your brother, we are so sorry you could not kill him yourself but when Joanna found Lord Alonzo’s ring in her husband’s medicine-chest and confronted him he threatened her but she had already told De Flores as insurance so he locked her up and tried to kill De Flores intending to kill her afterward but De Flores killed him in self-defense-- oh, right, sure, he had an alibi for the time of the murder, but that was because he’d paid Antonio to actually do the deed & then disappear.

The innocent Tony is put to death.  Jasperino flees in the night.  Tomazo departs with some closure.  And for his services, Joanna manages to suggest in such a way that her father thinks it was his own idea, De Flores gets her hand in marriage.

She turns up pregnant quick enough that rumors start that her son is actually Alcemero’s-- he does resemble De Flores, but it’s hard for people who won’t look past his father’s birthmark to tell.  eventually the kid goes to his mother and asks her, shaky-voiced, if she’s sure he’s his father’s son, what if he’s not, what if he’s really the son of a murderer--

and Joanna goes to her knees and takes his shoulders in her hands and looks him steadily in the eyes and says, low-voiced and sure, An thou wert the son of two murderers, it could not make thee other than thou art, nor would we love thee less.)

I mean uh..................... I have morals

unfortunately I’m... actually unsure who of you guys are writing stuff!  @ravensrising, @setnet, @edgewitch, @rubyredboots, @sandovers, @notbecauseofvictories, come on anyone who writes stuff pls do this meme & pretend I tagged you I want to know what you’re working on

[one-soul-two-brothers]

one-soul-two-brothers’ ultimate fic recs: wincest edition (part III)

Wincest fics are my (other) absolute faves to read First time fics are the best (but not imperative) I like them to keep some semblance of canon A fic doesn’t have to have sex to be good (but it doesn’t hurt) They have all been thoroughly vetted (aka I’ve either read them all at least twice or will definitely be reading them again) And the most important: happy endings are a requirement

ENJOY!

best LATE-SEASON FIRST-TIME

title: The Exodus rating: explicit word count: 14k relationship: first time summary: So. Dean left with Cas over a week ago on some sort of recon mission, and yeah, Sam has been trying to bury himself in research, but he's just not coping all that well with the long-term separation. He wakes up early one morning, expecting the day to be like all the rest: brother-less. Oh, except, it's even worse than all the rest, because he's completely and totally alone on his brother-less thirty-fourth birthday. His bleak outlook quickly changes with an unexpected phone call, and he has to admit that maybe someone, somewhere answered his embarrassingly needy birthday wish, despite his lack of candles to blow out. excerpt: “Yeah,” Sam breathes, trying to convince himself he’s not dreaming. It’s just-- Dean is only sweet like this, open like this in Sam’s best dreams, so… how on earth could this be real? “I missed you,” Sam adds, breathing it shyly into the air between them, watching how the words affect his brother.

title: O Brother, Where Art Thou? rating: explicit word count: 6600 relationship: first time summary: Over the last fifteen years, Sam Winchester had walked away from his brother more times than he cared to count. This time, Sam couldn’t come up with a legitimate excuse. At least, not one that was appropriate to tell his brother. He knew that, as much as him leaving would hurt Dean, staying here would lead Sam to making choices that could hurt Dean so much more. Could push Dean away permanently. Because Sam Winchester was in love with his brother, and he couldn't hide it any longer. anna’s notes: Shameless self-promo.

title: The Claiming rating: explicit word count: 6900 relationship: first time summary: At age 32, Sam Winchester presents as an Omega. No one is more surprised than Dean, the Alpha who's been pining over his little brother all his life. Canon divergence after scene with Piper in 11x04, "Baby." anna’s notes: Look...I think I’ve read this like five times (at least) since I discovered it (like, a month ago). I know, it’s ridiculous, but it’s just SO GOOD. And yes, it’s an a/b/o fic, but if you’ve never read one or don’t really like them, I still think you should check this out. There are absolutely no dom/sub or non-con components that are often in a lot of other a/b/o fics. And IT’S LATE SEASON FIRST TIME WINCEST, OKAY? THE BEST KIND OF WINCEST. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

title: The King and The Lionheart rating: explicit word count: 53k relationship: first time summary: After the disastrous but effective removal of the Mark, facing a life without allies or a reason to keep hunting, Sam and Dean Winchester leave their old life behind them in flames. They re-emerge from the ashes as Sam and Dean Wesson, residents of Misty Luna, Maine-- a town with a personality all its own. As they settle into civilian life, they gain careers, a home, good friendships and the kind of fulfillment they never thought possible. But with nothing left to fight, the underbelly of their particular kind of love is thrown into sharp relief, especially considering the whole town thinks they’re married, anyway. After dancing around their feelings for the past twenty years, Sam and Dean find a peace they never knew existed, and through it all, they find each other again. And maybe, just maybe, forever. Curtain!fic. Canon divergence after 10x21, “Dark Dynasty.” anna’s notes: THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD.

best PLOT WHAT PLOT

title: Coupons rating: explicit word count: 5730 relationship: established summary: This could, quite possibly, go down as the most ridiculous thing he's ever done. He feels all of ten years old again, in a grade school where he doesn’t know anyone, creating a coupon book for Mother's Day that he plans to give to Dean. Only this time, he's 29 and his brother's turning 34, and the coupons aren't for chores around the house. anna’s notes: I mean...there’s a little plot. And plenty of fluff. It’s so good.

best MPREG

title: Not A Curse After All rating: explicit word count: 23k relationship: established summary: Dean didn't understand how his life always seemed to take the oddest turns. Another case with a witch and it was official, he was dying, not just dying, but a slow torturous decent into his worst fears before he went. He was eating like a teenage girl on a date, sleeping like a middle aged man in a mid-life crises and he hadn't wanted sex in....shit he didn't even know how long.

title: It Only Takes One Oops... rating: mature word count: 20k relationship: established summary: Someone gets pregnant. excerpt: “How, I mean, when… fuck,” Dean mumbled, his speaking ability currently matching his thought process.

“You’ve got the ‘how’ down perfectly,” Sam said as he sank down on the bed next to his brother. “The when? Oh, cast your brain–your upstairs brain–back about six weeks to that weekend at the Grand Canyon. The night with the full moon, the back of the Impala, NO condoms, the ‘come on Sammy, just this once, what can one time hurt, it’ll be fine, please Sammy, please.’”

“I didn’t beg--”

“You sure as hell didn’t use a condom! And, yes, you begged.”

title: Settling Up, Settling In rating: explicit word count: 38k relationship: established summary: Dean's been running himself ragged keeping Sam from scratching at the Wall Death put up in his little brother's head, and things are not okay between the brothers because Sam won't let Dean anywhere near him, and the only thing Dean really wants now? To retire. Because it's the only way to keep Sam safe. But a routine salt and burn leads to a cursed object that causes Sam to go into a sexual frenzy and get Dean pregnant, which is okay with Dean because that seems like the perfect ticket out. Until the Hell in Sam's head starts to spill over and he freaks out when Dean tells him about the baby.

best CRACK

title: SAMpala rating: explicit word count: 12k relationship: first time summary: Sam wishes he was the damned Impala, at least he might get some Dean love that way. anna’s notes: This is both hilarious and sweet at the same time.

best SEASON 12 CODA (episodes 12-20)

title: 12x13 summary: When Mary tells Sam and Dean that she's been working with the British Men of Letters, neither of the boys takes the news well. anna’s notes: Shameless self-promo.

title: Coda to 12x13 excerpt: He tries. He tries. He watches Dean scowl every time they see their mother and he works, honestly works to try and smooth things over, talks to Dean and talks to Mom and tries to help them see the other point of view. And if he catches Dean texting surreptitiously, later, he’s pleased about it. It’s good, right? That was the point, and there’s no reason she should message them both.

title: Dragged Up (12x17) summary: Sam's still so unsure of what he and Dean have. Drinking one night with Dean and Mick, Sam's thoughts spiral down into a deep pit of despair.

title: Through These Walls (12x18) summary: When Ketch put a bug in the bunker, he was looking for usable intel. What he got? Well, that is something else entirely.

title: You’ve Got Mail (12x18) summary: Sam's been getting an awful lot of emails from his brother lately... anna’s notes: Fluff and schmoop and a first kiss!

title: But We Can’t Punch Ourselves Awake (12x19) summary: Sam is sure this, too, will be forgiven. excerpt: Sam isn't like his brother. Dean forgives and forgets once you're back in his good graces. Sure, he's ruthless and can hold a grudge like no other but once you've proved yourself? He forgets it all. Sam is living proof of that. Still alive after all those years after Dean had planned on killing him. Sure, they'd made up after that but there are things in Sam's mind that he won't ever be rid of. It's evident even more by Dean's constant forgiving of Castiel.

title: Coda: The Future (12x19) excerpt: “I know what you’re gonna say, Sammy, but no. Not this time. He’s messed with my car, the Colt and my baby brother on the same fucking day. You are not making any more excuses for him. We’re done with him, you hear me? We’re done.” Dean pushes Sam’s hair out of his eyes. “You doin’ OK? Can you stand?”

title: Untitled 12.20 coda excerpt: Max won’t tell her anything. Bad witch is all he’ll say. Bought her power from a demon, used it against Mom, used it to make Mom turn on you. He won’t explain why he burned Mom without her. Won’t explain how she was healed, why there isn’t a bloody gash in her abdomen. Natural magic. Don’t worry. You’re fine. Everything’s gonna be fine. anna’s notes: This isn’t actually wincest, but it was too good not to add to this list.

title: Coda: Twigs and Twine and Tasha Banes (12x20) summary: Written mostly because I'm so worried that Sam wouldn't wake up at the end of 12.20. *chews nails*

          For all my other ultimate fic recs (j2 non-au, j2 au, and wincest), go here.

[evangelainy]

1 3 10 11

1. What’s the most depressing movie you’ve ever watched?

off the top of my head, probably bicycle thieves, but honourable mention to harold and maude, moonlight, barren lives, it’s such a beautiful day, and suicide squad *badum-tsh*

3.  An actor/actress you’ve seen in more than 8 movies? Name the movies.

jacqueline told me not to do easy ones for this but i literally Cannot think of anyone else so: robert englund (nightmare on elm street, NOES2, NOES3, NOES4, NOES5, freddy’s dead, wes craven’s new nightmare, freddy vs. jason, never sleep again: the elm street legacy). sorry love :(

10. What’s your favourite movie director?

oh man this is a good question. my gut said to go with wes craven because he’s directed two of my favourite horror films of all time (NOES and scream) and also made the, in my opinion, much less impressive but still pretty fantastic the hills have eyes, and in general, i appreciate his somewhat juvenile, humourous style, and his philosophy on what makes for effective horror. for a moment i considered quentin tarantino who i genuinely think is a good director, but i realised that’s a bit a of cop out answer, and tarantino is EVERYONE’S favourite director anyway. then thinking about it a bit more seriously, i considered don hertzfeldt (it’s such a beautiful day, rejected, world of tomorrow) because of his minimalist approach and aesthetics, as well as his apparent ability to rip my heart out and make me question the meaning of all existence; john carpenter (halloween, the thing) for his consistently astonishing atmospheres and mastery of cinematic tension; sergei eisenstein (strike) for his montage filmmaking, constituting possibly some of the most perfect cinema i’ve ever seen in my life; the coen brothers (fargo, barton fink, o brother where art thou) for their Everything; and jean-luc godard (weekend), who i’ve only seen one movie from but respect infinitely for ending cinema and simultaneously killing everyone who had ever made a movie prior to 1967. 

and those are all good answers, imo, but... lemme level with you. i think it would be disingenuous to say anything other than the wachowskis (the matrix, speed racer, and *technically* v for vendetta). their starkly imaginative setpieces and cerebral narratives, their approach to making movies which largely seems to be “fuck all cinematic convention, throw everything we can think of at a wall and use what sticks”, their Transness, their ability to put on an aura of seriousness while never actually being /too/ serious, how they play with symbolism, imagery, and aesthetics in a way unlike basically any other directors... even if some people would argue that these sometimes don’t work out too well for them, the wachowskis hold a special place in my heart for forever shaping the way i think about movies, and for really making me come to value genre films. they are inimitable; simply incredible directors.

11. Your favourite movie genre?

gotta be horror :^)

[orionsangel86]

Hi I've just been part of this fandom for a year and a half and I like to know how the fandom and the producers work with each other. So can you please explain to me why you don't like Bucklemming? And what else do you think about the other writers?

Hi! Well, we don’t really work with the producers much at all,, unless you count interaction with writers on twitter, and they don’t really understand fandom much at all either. The majority of the writers are kept really separate from fandom in general and Andrew Dabb only ever appears on social media rarely and usually to troll us before disappearing back into his writer cave. Robbie Thompson was the best at fan interactions and the best at understanding what makes the fandom tick (hence he wrote 10x05 fanfiction). Sadly he left us after season 11 to move on to greener pastures.

Do you really want me to start up the Bucklemming argument? Oh boy nonny you are in for some moaning if you start that! lol :P

I take it that you know that Bucklemming are the writer duo Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross Leming (who is Bob Singer aka executive producers wife). 

They can do no wrong and basically get away with all kinds of shitty writing because she is Bob Singers wife (disclaimer - that’s my opinion but come on, its a pretty fair one given the level of shit they’ve given us). Let me just give you a brief run down of Bucklemmings greatest hits:

8x15 - Mans Best Friend with Benefits - Black Servant Girl/Dog in collar has sex with witch master - Issue in case you didn’t catch it black girl in collar and bestiality

8x19 - Taxi Driver - retconned reapers into angels, Hell has a back door into purgatory which I’m sure Cas and Crowley would have loved to know about in s6!!!

9x03 - I’m No Angel - Raped Cas whilst simultaneously having him rape an innocent girl.

9x09 - Holy Terror - Killed Kevin by burning his eyes out

9x21 - King of the Damned - The extremely violent and over sexualised death of Abaddon at the hands of Dean. Needlessly gross.

10x21 - Dark Dynasty - Slashed up our beloved lesbian Charlie by Nazi’s and left her body in a bathtub in a classic case of fridging to further male pain.

11x09 - O Brother Where Art Thou - Whole episode was horrifyingly bad. Made no sense whatsoever. Every character caught a case of stupid. Where the FUCK was Cas?

12x02 - Mamma Mia - Had Sam (mind) raped by the British woman during a really messed up torture scene. The rape made no fucking sense. It was there for gratuitous purposes only.

12x08 - LOTUS - Had Lucifer possess and knock up an innocent woman whilst masquerading as her lover against her knowledge and therefore against her consent in yet another scene of wholly dubious consent... then went on with a storyline that basically had a bunch of male characters try to force a woman to decide what to do with her unborn baby, threatening her with violence and the whole thing was really gross and nasty and just plain wrong in this current climate in America where woman are having their right to choose taken away from them by actual evil in power.

And yet people wonder why I hate Bucklemming? This would be why. 

Honestly nonny I swear I am usually very positive about Spn as a whole, but Bucklemming episodes fill me with dread. The worst part is that they show absolutely no remorse over their story lines and insanely enough think they are doing a good job based on recent interviews. 

I recently answered this ask about Bucklemming and the other writers which sums up the writing team for season 12. So you can go there for my opinions on the other writers, which are actually very positive. We have a lot of new talent on the team this year and so far their episodes have shown promise. Going into the second part of the season I am very curious to see how they do going forward, but I am delighted for Andrew Dabb to be showrunner as he is a huge Cas fan (as we can see now that we know Cas gets 2 episodes at least dedicated to him) yay!

Anyway, I did warn you that I would moan if you got me talking about Bucklemming!

I am a positive person I swear! I am perhaps having an off night. Ankle is all twisted and making me grouchy perhaps. :P

[bittersweet-clifford]

I hate my physics teacher but he says some weird shit. here are his best quotes.

“and she looked like a dweeb but it doesn't matter because she's hot.” “imagine this punk-ass kid...” “ro-day-oh” “*screaming* YEEHAAAAW” “my wife went to a loser school.” “oh. that's where that obama guy went.” “I was president of all these things. okay. you're a loser.” “it’s got a cockroach crawling out of somebody's anus.” “you're a thief and you're a violent offender. go to texas.” “God did not have an eleventh commandment that said a 90% is an A.” “they had another brother. i forget what his name was but he was just there.” “our family is so devoid of talent that when we did the senior musical they told my brother, ‘you move your mouth but nothing comes out.’” “I’m not big on IQ.” “3 times 64. that's...........a lot.” “I think i can. i think i can. oh that was a great book.” “I AM AN ISLAND.” “he was one of those geeks who’d come into my room during lunch.” “Kids will do anything for food.” “Beethoven didn't have good social skills.” “pair-a-bowl-uh.” “g-e-o-meat-tree” “re-nay-sance” “you didn't have velocitom- speedometers.” “and dedicated to the proposition that all men-not women- are created equal.” “newton sat back and said, ‘damn, i took algebra 2.’” “they invented something. it was bitching.” “your little cell phone has an accelerometer on it.” “you get in your damned car right now. you have friggin GPS.” “what is a graph? you guys have no effing clue.” “screw it. this is america, man.” “they got these cheesy ass little- hey...” “and he marries his mom because she's a hottie.” “i'm going ‘no sweat.’ she's goin ‘YEAH SWEAT.’” “they send him off to some hills to die and some idiot saves him.” “trig-no-me-tree.” “if the plane crashes, whatever. little things.” “der-i’ve-a-tive.” “someone help her out. *people give answers* well don't listen to idiots.” “the magnitude of my ineptness.” “he invented something. it was a terrible thing-he invented the essay.” “i threw that at you to see how you interpilate.” “we’re talking so small your kitchen is in your bedroom. as long as you have 16 million dollars, you can have the friend's apartment.” “FROGS ARE NOT AERODYNAMIC.” “you're a genie-ass.” “what says ‘i love you’ more than eating the one you love?” “their bodies will be goop. and this is metaphorical and beautiful. how much closer can you be when you're stirred together?” “the book didn't have a female character because he's a male-dog-anystic pig.” “speaking of time….OOH BABY.” “you had telephones *aggressively slams hand on the wall* MOUNTED ON THE FRIGGIN WALL.” “and some kid goes, ‘yooo my daddy’s rich!’” “it looks like a badminton racket on steroids.” “it was by the skin on her chinny chin chin.” “we’re going to use the weight of history to raise our ramp.” “she was rich. and hot. and i was a dweeb.” “i can't draw a corvette.” “sucker’s gonna exaggerate….ah...accelerate.” “some bum wit says, ‘let’s put tin cans on the back of their car.’” “someone comes up with a big ‘ol truck because this is tennessee.” “you're gonna be wheel meat.” “move aside, pesticide.” “you put this if you wanna be cool.” “anyways, these guys go, ‘bitchin!’” *walks like a crab* “Shula? God?” “tow truck drivers come in two flavors.” “they brought a scale and a hard hat, and they were wearing pajamas. i don't know. this is [school].” “cas goes, ‘see joe? we’ll leave him as a hostage.’” “my brother by accident got accepted to a school in new hampshire.” “this is amazing. I’m shaking God’s hand.” “you know the way buildings work.” “people got upset because it was killing fish, so they decided to kill people instead.” “we’ll call him Joe Jerk because that's kind of what he was.” “i don't believe in slavery.” “energy is like pornography, you might not be able to define it, but most everyone recognizes it when they see it.” “she goes, 'mr [teacher], let’s do it.’ and i go ‘i’m married.’ and she goes, ‘NO, THE BOOK.” “I’m looking for pews. if anyone knows a church...I want catholic pews. they're the best.” “*draws a scribble* let's pretend this is art. ART.” “every once in awhile you run into one that's just so bitchin’ ass cool.” “there's not even a verb there. and this guy went to stanford.” “the right thing? or communists?” “oh, it was so bitchin!” “she looks like a chicken. and i'm like ‘This isn't cosplay.’” “there's spanish and then there's hippies.” “she was old. she must have been like 35.” “Ms. [other teacher] could have played the wicked witch in the wizard of oz.” “if i looked out far enough, i'd probably see a t rex out there.” “he's tighter than a mole’s bum.” “if i speak louder, they'll understand better.” “I. GEORGE.” “i love my mom and she loves me. like a rock.” “you can do it baby” (said three times to an inanimate object in one day.” “1+1 and 1x1 are the same answer.” “i'm using two seconds. if you're a loser, you can use one.” “a football field is like one and a half acres.” “what does that look like for a complete clover look?” “it was a gimungous space bagel.” “because on the black market, your torso can be used.” “he's not donald trump. he is todd. but he's todd-did-well.” “back then, they had a thing called grass.” “what was romeo and juliet in new york called?” “there's many ways to skin a cat.” “thou shall not have a disturbance at the front desk.” “live for your GPA. worship it.” “and then antarctica, where i'm going to send you if you laugh.” “you're in space just hanging out and the earth just hits you!” “if you did google translate from math-ish to english…” “if i happened to be in space and the moon were plowing around, would it hurt?” “russia, i can see it from my winda.” “where’d korea go?” “their last name was broccoli. the stupidest name in the world.” “i'm gonna be the only child i should have been.” “i'm not going to go into gender classification for doorknobs.” “how the hell do you get a lamborghini? that's like, really expensive.” “i liked mary-anne. she was not. and then there was that one actress i hated.” “real, 100% plastic plants.” “do not write this. ‘mister [teacher] thinks he shouldn't be afraid of bombs.’” “you comedysportz kids will get this. *tells story about astronauts.*” “*jumps excitedly* THIS IS SO BITCHIN!!” “bouncy bounce-that's my terminology.” “how did the pound sign get to be called hashtag?” “and you go, ‘what does this have to do with the price of beans?’ and it doesn't have anything to do with beans, but it has something to do with this story.” “Physics is racist.” “This perverted cat...” “You put the lime in the....oh no, that’s the wrong song.” “You know it’s a trumpet. Why? Because it’s got a flag hanging from it.” “WE’RE GONNA GO TO THE YMCA.” “She was very, well...very.” “You don’t have to be able to sing because they've got autocorrect.” “Nothing says ‘i love you’ like cutlery.” “I’ve been lifting weights for six years now and i’m half an inch shorter.” “I don’t have a neck. My muscles are too big.” “Dude, i think i can explain the universe with my saxophone.” “I love you a lot, but today, fuck you.” “The most religious people i've ever met are atheists.” “They got eyes on the top of their head because they’re weird people.” “Do you actually have to USE the fancy ass mathematics?” “It’s winter. Y’all can’t see shit.” “Your brain bone...what’s it called? SKULL!” “The definition of a cold is not snot!” “The first time you do heroine is the best. I don’t know. I’ve just happened to have met a lot of heroine addicts.” “I was making molten lead in the backyard.” “You know what dead people look like?” “Those of you who are pigmentally challenged.” “For a thousand effing bucks, i’ll wash their ass.” “So you invent liquid butter.” “You know what? We’re gonna kill china.” “The earth has gravity and it reaches out with these octopus tentacles.” “I want to meet Julius Caesar, but then I realized that was stupid.” "i know the moon's not a rabbit." "i never realized you could make a bridge explode." "i built a bridge that was the most bitchin ass coolest bridge i'd ever seen." "you know he's smart because he thought so much his hair all fell out." "nowadays we live in wussville" "[his name], you're going to hell." "maybe you've got a friend who's a drug dealer. they've got good scales." "i'm gonna make a flying buttress of a bridge." "spock wasn't people of color. he was green." "i hate bridges. me no do." "we have extendo-thing-o" "some of you have siblings who shoot up, so if you can get a needle, that helps." "it was the beginning of a life long love affair with this bridge." "if you're gonna trip out, don't do it in a tree." "you're not smarter. you're farter." "let's sit back and play the ukulele in a tree." "we'd go down to the bang bumpity bump." "*singing* i am so blue. i have. no clue. what shall we do? perhaps something new?" "the first picture is a fun. i know those of you who are anti gun are all upset but just deal with it a second." *spends ten minutes drawing a picture* *throws meter stick across classroom* "that's why we don't have glass on that cabinet anymore." "usually they don't offer loaded shotguns to six-year-olds." "you is fitty." "you know he's going fast. you know why? those lines are really long." "it's safer to fire guns in space." "at age six what the hell do you know about physics?" "do you feel physics?" "i have a brain ON my head." "you should not be looking up. you die." "there's a lot of possibilities. one is incorrect and the others are interesting." "all the kids were called mr. [his name]." "you eat, you piss." *talking about childbirth* "this is just like tug of war." "we went to this terrible store. it's called marshall's." "you still got beat up by some other group of kids. why? BECAUSE YOU'RE A DWEEB!" "Mom, i'm all fucked up. you should have made me play piano more." "let's pretend it's not true. it'll make me seem better. there was this dweeb..." "my fist is really upset with you." "how dare you? this is America. i can do whatever i want." "you know that's the problem? you're a selfish bastard" "life's good. the swedes win." "you can't, but if you happen to be a nerd at caltech, you can." "computers are very good at doing arithmetic." "we have a couple cross country losers here." *squats* "this is the answer to everything." "sue God." "it's all about having a 4.5 gpa and taking ap yoga." "winston churchill- who i love very dearly." "anyone who believes in seat belts is a wuss." "ever wonder why these old cars had gimungous trunks? it wasn't so you could put thirteen bodies in it and drive off." "i'm not trying to sound like an advertisement for swedish brains." "there are people like mr [name] out there. that guy's effing crazy." "the swedes. oh bless them." "i see this car coming straight at me at 70 miles an hour and i'm thinking 'what a nice car...'" "some religions are built on like gods and stuff. Thor..." "i can explain the whole world. i need calculus. i have to invent that first, but i can figure out the whole world." "we couldn't hit ships with beans with these things." "don't major in communications." "she's like a piranha." "why do you go to costco? ya loser." "i have a friend. he's a doctor. he's not stupid." "cool guys can spin the wheel with one hand.... i was told." "you're thinking, 'dude, physics.'" "youre sitting next to someone who's radiating gorgeous and you're like 'i'm radiating ugly.'" "why do you shop at wal-effing-mart?" "the way that God and Newton meant things to be." "that sounds stupid, but guys have never been good at deep thoughts." "you guys. better run fast because i'm gonna beat the bleep out of you." "oil companies are the modern day pirates." "they had discovered cocaine but it hadn't come to San Marino yet." "wow. you're a mr. negativity." “they put a godzilla level of give in there.” “with the exception of harvard, most colleges have an ethical standard.” *measures paper in megabytes* “sometimes my language is a bit salty.” “i apologize for biting your head off.” “there's just an achilles' tendon” “just taking cliff’s notes doesn't mean you know diddly shit about romeo and juliet.” “objects jump off of sharp pointy things.” “you could free range roam as far as you could range.”

[soloshow131]

Updated show

Bring Back Chain mail -

Salterello music - 

Unit 1: Introduction 

Welcome to my castle.

My name is Thomas Paul Anthony Campe. That’s what I tell my family and friends. But I really identify as a medieval squire - squire Tom. . 

Unit 2: Self conscious 

Aye, I appreciate medieval culture. I like knights. In this day and age, I can become one! 

Unit 3: Premise 

Allow me, my lords, my ladies, to share with you the toils and triumphs, the highs and lows of my still ongoing quest of becoming a knight. 

Unit 4: A knights purpose

A knights purpose around the year 1000 wasn’t just to fight, but to serve. The word Knight itself comes from the Anglo Saxon word cniht, which means a servant – you may have noticed my dutious serving of (food) behavior before the dance. Bound to a king or lord by contract, in exchange for his loyalty, a cniht would be given lands; property on which he could grow and sell his crops. On this land, a cniht would produce heirs, the first born of whom would inherit this land and train as a squire to become a cniht! Ahh, the circle of life. 

Unit 5: My land 

My land is 1 Highfield Drive, Lexden road, Colchester, co3 3qa. My lord is the renowned sir Stephen Campe of Swansea. (Take out picture of Steve) Legendary pilot in his youth, and now a humble crafter of fibre optic cables.  

Unit 6: Cheeky

I’ve yet to produce any heirs yet, but give me time! I’ve fathered a bastard or two - you can ask any serving girl in ye olde playhouse about that.

Unit 7: Cleggy:

 They knight anyone these days. (Mock) 'Ser Nicholas Clegg', 'Bill Gates'  -  they knight Americans! They’re not even British! (Squint). Nay, I can't see them galloping into battle! Knighthood has been devalued!

Unit 8: Arthur

Where’s all the swords and chain mail? I’d grab my armour and join the queens army right away but firstly, I can’t afford any chain mail because I spent the last of my student loan on a pewter replica of Arthur and his round table - complete with all 14 original knights! And secondly, I disapprove of our military.

Unit 9: The Army:

They no longer want to get close and personal with our enemies. Everything is done with buttons or triggers from a distance. Where’s the respect?

Unit 10: Ned Stark: 

Ned Stark from game of thrones said that “If you would take a mans life, you owe it to him to look him in the eye and hear his final words, and if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps he deserves to live.”  Forget missiles, bring back flails! Maybe if weapon technology wasn’t developing so rapidly, war would slow down - and we’d actually enjoy it more! nbsp;

Unit 11: Knife and Fork

(gesture out to them) Since a child,  I’ve been developing my own style of warfare. A Squire must be innovative - In close quarters, spontaneous. I ask ye all, at what time of the day are you most likely to be attacked? On the battlefield? Nay! When you eat! Three times a day, breaking your fast, supping your supper and... digesting your dinner - when better a time to have your gullet opened than when you’re hunched over a roasted hog, stuffing your guts - or sucking the bone marrow out of a honeyed Pigeon! Fortunately, we have by our sides two companions, often undervalued as basic eating utensils. The knife and fork. (say it as fuck). Or as I like to call them, instruments of war. Versatile and reliable; let their inconspicuous nature be your advantage. A range of vendors claim that theirs is the superior quality but - I recommend ye purchase from IKEA for a well balanced pair of arms. (show knife)  

I once stabbed straight through a gluttonous hand with this beauty... if your enemy happens to have his own utensils, fear not to engage in combat. To demonstrate the effectiveness of the knife and fork, I invite a lord or lady to the stage…

 Attempt to steal my Potato! And I’ll judge your worth. You have ten seconds. But first, safety (Hand them a glove) Bard! Some battle music if you will! Oh, curse you for a villain. That won't do – leave us! My lords, my ladies, I apologize. Pray, try to conjure up some imaginary music.  

Let us begin! (Do funny voice and taunt the opponent)  

En Garde, pre, parri!

Lunge, riposte, parry, counter stab, disarmed!

(We duel over a bowl of potatoes.)

 Haha! I am victorious - but humble. I will share with you the spoils of war.  

Unit 11: Fair Maidens:

But just as a knight needs his fork, he needs a sheath for it. Fair Maidens, they’re hard to come by in Colchester. All the best stock are taken and linger outside McDonald’s, their greasy hair just like mine, glistening in the sunlight. Lady Shanara Stone of Highwoods. I’ve had my eyes on her like a Hawk does its prey.. if only I could grasp her. 

Unit 12: Favour:

She gave me her favour. A token of her gratitude.. I’ve got it here. Sometimes, I can almost taste her.. 

Unit 13: Sonnets:

She is worthy of all the sweet sonnets and ballads there are, for through her stems all good virtues.

Unit 14: Tyler:

If only she wasn’t with that vile Sir Tyler of Greenstead Estate... Friends, dost thou scent that? Lynx aroma, and more than a hint of cannabis? Hah! I knew it. Ser Tyler. Dost thou insist to fill the world will foul qualities! After I’m through with you next is your mother. HEMA club taught me this one - historical european martial arts. nbsp;

Unit 15: Knights in White Satin:

 Oh Shanara.. why him! (song)

Part of the difficulty I have as a modern day squire is that I’m all alone. I cannot trust anyone… I need loyal companions, fellow squires who too seek to bring light to this dark plain we tread on. So.. (sigh) I’ve decided to create my own order, with fresh statutes, in the hope that they’ll tempt some of you lords and ladies into joining me on my adventures.

I researched some of the rules from knighthood orders in the past such as Williams the conquerors laws. On of them is ‘One God to be revered throughout the whole realm’. Now I understand that some of us here may worship different gods, some of us may not worship any god at all, some of us may be considering worshiping a god but need a little proof. Well fear not! (take out second chair character). One god to represent them all! Take your pick, hah! He’s not much of a talker, but most gods aren't - and this one is completely physical. Seeing is believing! He’s right here guys, you can’t deny it. What shall we call him? Great. I’ll leave him here, to watch over us.

Okay law two I found on the English defence league website and it’s to 'refuse to tolerate the intolerant’ right, now I thought this would be good rule to adopt as it’s ambiguous isn’t it? We all find people intolerant and as founder of this order, I don’t mind who you chose not to tolerate as long as you’re not violent towards them. That's all I've got for now, but I've left some parchment outside the inn so do ink down some of your own suggestions after.  

To symbolise our new community I have chosen our tools of warfare and defence - the knife and fork. Now, for the special part. The knighthood. Who will step forward? You will represent all the others. Kneel. Be without fear in the face of anything that has a face. Know that I love you as a brother, and shall throughout eternity. Speak the truth even if it leads to your imprisonment and a criminal record . Safeguard the helpless and bear your knife and fork with honour. That is your oath! Welcome brothers, sisters! To the order of the Knife and Fork!

Unit 15: Reflection:

Often I wonder, do I belong in this life, do I have a purpose? I strive to be a true knights and yet  am accused of being sexist or patronising. Yesterday morning, I broke my fast at university and held the door open for a fair maiden, despite her ingratitude I remained, my arm bearing the weight of that upright plank of wood while not one, by five others passed through my gateway of kindness. Still I stood strong as ten others passed, along with ten more minutes of my life. An hour gone and the whole room had emptied, save for but a young lad who gazed at me belligerently. 

Unit 16: Ungrateful 

(To Tyler) I do this twice a week! I don’t even lift! It never gets any easier and yet no one seems to care!

Joe comes on. Tom, can I go home now? I'm tired.

Go home? Retreat? Now? You'll stay here until the end of the congregation.

This is so pathetic. You're not a knight! You're a friendless nerd who doesn't wash and mum wants you to buy more tin foil because you've left it in a right state. I'm going now.

Nay, Joe. Come, this is folly!

Piss off Tom. (leaves)

Unit 17: Give up

Who am I kidding. I’m not a knight.. I’m not even a squire. I’m a student who can’t face up to his dull reality. I return home to my mother and fathers castle, not mine. I owe them for all that I have. So many years I’ve wasted, cocooned in history, reading about greater men than me, letting my hair and finger nails grow long, chasing a way of life that vanished hundreds of years ago.. only the folks at the medieval fair here in Colchester understand me and I can’t stay connected to them for I don’t agree with modern technology! This is all self indulgence. Romanticism. Chivalry, whatever it is.. is dead. nbsp;

Unit 18: Hope 

Phone call My lady? What? You really want to come? Well, it’s at castle park… they have archery and a hog roast… I could purchase you a broach if you like! Oh, brilliant, marvellous! I shall see you at 10:66! Oh, ten past six, right. Huzzah! nbsp;

Music