#my man literally had mystery cults he was so cool

[restlesskeychains]

Dionysus. Did I mention I love Dionysus?

[heliosunny]

Heaven’s Gold Noose

Yandere!Sunday x Reader

Life hasn’t been kind to you.

Every job interview ends in rejection.

Every relationship fizzles out.

Even your coffee always spills at the worst possible moment.

But then… he appears.

A man with soft, feathered wings and a halo—Sunday, your newly assigned guardian angel.

"The celestial council has reviewed your past life," he murmurs, "You were a soul of pure kindness. And now, in this life, you’ve been given misfortune as a test."

His fingers brush your cheek, "But don’t worry. I’m here to guide you."

You should feel relieved. But...

Now, he’s sitting across from you at a café, dabbing at his stained white robes with a napkin while giving you a pained but patient smile.

"Okay, let me get this straight. You’re an angel. From Heaven. And you’re here to… what, fix my life?"

"Precisely! Consider me your divine guardian—" "Uh-huh. And how much is this ‘heavenly guidance package’ gonna cost me?"

"I would never—! This is a sacred duty, not some… earthly pyramid scheme!"

You take a long sip of your (third) coffee, squinting. "Prove it."

Without missing a beat, he plucks a feather from his wing and offers it to you. "A token of my sincerity."

You grab it—then yelp as it bursts into golden sparkles in your palm.

"Okay, that was cool. But I still think you’re either a hallucination or a really dedicated cult recruiter."

You wake up the next morning to find your broken phone fully charged, your dead plant thriving, and your cat suddenly fluent in Latin ??

"…Did you just say ‘ave dominus’?"

"Meow." 

Then, Sunday materialized just behind you.

"Ah! I see you’ve noticed my small blessings!"

"Dude! Do you have to pop up like a jump scare?!"

"Apologies. I forget earthly beings are so… fragile."

----

You’re on a terrible date (third one this month—curse your bad luck) when Sunday manifests in the restaurant’s chandelier, glaring daggers at your oblivious companion.

"So, I think splitting the bill is only fair—"

"HERETIC."

"SUNDAY. NO."

"Uh… did you just say ‘Sunday’?"

"Yep! Gotta go! Bye!" 

Outside, Sunday floats beside you, pouting. "That man was unworthy of you."

"Yeah, well, possessing the lighting fixtures isn’t gonna help!"

"But you did leave with me."

"Oh my god—"

----

At first, you thought it was all some elaborate joke—or worse, a scam. A literal angel showing up in your life? Yeah, right.

But after weeks of inexplicable blessings: your rent mysteriously paid, your chronic back pain vanishing overnight, even your perpetually dying houseplants suddenly flourishing... You finally gave in.

"Fine," you muttered one evening, throwing your hands up as Sunday hovered expectantly by your window. "You can stay. But no more weird angel stuff, okay?"

"I shall adhere to your mortal customs... within reason."

You set boundaries, of course. You weren’t religious, and the idea of divine intervention still made you uneasy. But Sunday was... different. He wasn’t preachy or holier-than-thou. He was just... there.

You kept your distance, treating him more like an overly affectionate roommate than a celestial being. He respected your space, though his presence lingered in small ways—freshly brewed tea waiting when you woke up, your favorite snacks restocked before you even realized they were gone, and an unsettlingly perfect knowledge of your schedule.

"You don’t have to do all this" you told him once, frowning at the spotless kitchen.

"But I want to" he replied, "Your happiness is my purpose."

You didn’t know how to respond to that, so you just nodded awkwardly and went about your day.

Then came the day you almost died.

Tires shrieked against asphalt as headlights flooded your vision—too bright. Your coffee cup slipped from numb fingers, hitting the pavement in a burst of scalding liquid. The truck’s grille filled your entire field of view, chrome gleaming like a predator’s smile.

You had half a second to think: This is how I die.

You gasped, blinking as you found yourself standing safely on the sidewalk, Sunday’s arms wrapped tightly around you. His wings were fully unfurled, casting an eerie glow in the dim streetlights.

The sound of screeching metal filled the air as the truck crashed into the guardrail right where your car should have been.

Your legs gave out.

Sunday caught you before you hit the ground, cradling you against his chest.

The warmth of the milk cup seeped into your fingers as you sat curled up on the couch, the near-death experience still fresh in your mind. Sunday sat across from you, his wings now neatly folded behind him, his golden eyes watching you with quiet intensity.

The silence stretched, but this time, it wasn’t uncomfortable.

----

You both returned home after that.

You took a slow sip of your warm cup of milk, then finally spoke.

"So… when are you leaving?"

Sunday blinked, as if the question had never occurred to him. "Leaving?"

"Yeah. Like, is there an expiration date on this guardian angel gig? Do you get reassigned? Or do you just… vanish one day when Heaven decides I’ve had enough blessings?"

"Oh, you misunderstand. I’m not here on a temporary assignment."

"So… you’re stuck with me forever?"

"Not stuck," he corrected gently. "Chosen. My presence isn’t bound by time. I stay as long as you need me."

"Which is…?"

"However long that may be. Perhaps a lifetime. Perhaps longer."

"Okay, next question," you said, shifting topics before your brain could spiral. "Do other angels do this? Just… move in with humans and fix their Wi-Fi and scare off bad dates?"

Sunday tilted his head. "Some do, in their own ways. But most guardians are subtler. They prefer signs, whispers, the occasional miracle. I, however…" He gestured to himself, wings and all. "I believe in a more hands-on approach."

"No kidding." you muttered.

"Besides," he added, "you’re special."

You ignored the way your face warmed at that.

"Last question," you said, pointing at his robes. "Heaven’s got, like, upgrades, right? You guys aren’t all harps and scrolls up there?"

Sunday laughed in a rich, melodic sound. "Oh, we’re quite modern. Cloud computing is literally cloud-based. The Pearly Gates have biometric scanning. And the angels in charge of mortal affairs? They love spreadsheets."

You nearly choked on your milk. "Are you serious?"

"Deadly." He leaned forward, mischief dancing in his gaze. "Would you like to see my divine tablet? I have an app that tracks prayer requests in real time."

You stared. "…You’re joking."

He pulled out a sleek, glowing device from thin air.

"Nope."

As the night wore on, you learned more than you ever expected:

Angels have hobbies. Sunday’s was composing hymns… and binge-watching human dramas.

They adapt to human culture. He preferred loose sweaters over robes at home ("More comfortable for lounging") and had strong opinions about coffee brands.

Heaven does have WiFi. ("But the connection in the mortal realm is terrible.")

At first, you had to remind yourself constantly: Sunday is invisible to everyone else.

You’d catch yourself mid-conversation in public, only to bite your tongue when strangers shot you weird looks. You learned to text him instead of speaking out loud, to nudge him under the table when he laughed too loudly at a restaurant, to pretend you were on a phone call when he whispered warnings in your ear.

But slowly… you stopped caring.

Because Sunday wasn’t just your guardian angel anymore.

He was your best friend.

You’d wake up to find him humming hymns while making breakfast, his wings brushing against the ceiling.

He’d sit beside you on the couch, scrolling through memes on his divine tablet and snickering at cat videos.

When you had nightmares, he’d stroke your hair until you fell back asleep, murmuring, "I’m here."

You started looking forward to coming home—to his warmth, his laughter, the way his eyes softened when he looked at you.

----

One evening, as you lounged together, Sunday suddenly went still.

"There’s something I need to tell you." 

You tensed. That tone never meant anything good.

"You weren’t just randomly assigned to me," he admitted. "You… you’re not entirely mortal."

"What?"

"Your soul—it’s different. " His fingers twitched, like he wanted to reach for you but didn’t dare. "That’s why I was sent. Not just to protect you, but to… prepare you."

"Prepare me for what?"

He hesitated. "One day, you’ll have to decide—stay human, or ascend."

All this time… he’d known.

And he never told you.

"So what, this was all just a mission to you? All the—the tea, the jokes, the saving my life—just part of the job?"

Sunday’s expression shattered. "No. Never." He reached for you, but you flinched away. "I was supposed to guide you, yes, but my feelings—my devotion—that’s real."

"Then why hide the truth?"

"Because I was afraid!" The raw desperation in his voice stunned you. "Afraid you’d hate me. Afraid… you’d choose to leave."

You stared at him.

And yet…

You still didn’t know if you could trust him.

You needed time.

So you did the only thing you could—you walked away.

And Sunday, for once, didn’t follow.

At first, you told yourself it was fine.

But then…

Your coffee went cold because he wasn’t there to reheat it with a touch.

Your nightmares returned, and there were no gentle hands to soothe you.

The apartment felt wrong—too quiet, like the world itself had dimmed.

And worst of all?

You missed him.

Meanwhile, in Heaven…

Sunday stood before the Celestial Council.

"Remove their name from the records," he demanded, "They don’t belong in this trial."

The council murmured amongst themselves.

"The choice was never yours to make, Sunday." 

"You would fall for them?"

Sunday didn’t hesitate.

"Yes."

Three days passed.

Then, on the fourth morning, you woke to the scent of fresh tea and the sound of rustling wings.

Sunday stood at the foot of your bed, his form flickering—like a star about to burn out.

You sat up, "You… you look terrible."

And he did. His glow was dim, his wings frayed at the edges. But his smile was the same.

"I had to see you one last time." he whispered.

"What do you mean, last time?"

"I made a choice. You won’t have to."

And then—

He began to fade.

For weeks, you searched.

You screamed his name into the empty air. You prayed—something you’d never done before. You even tried to bargain with the universe.

"Bring him back. Please."

Until—

It was a rainy afternoon when you saw him.

A man sitting by the window, his eyes scanning the street with an expression so achingly familiar it stole your breath.

But he wasn’t Sunday.

Not quite.

No halo. Just a human—or something close to it—with a faint, lingering glow at the edges of his silhouette.

Your feet moved before your brain could catch up.

You stood in front of him.

He looked up.

"Do I… know you?"

It was him.

And he didn’t remember.

You smiled politely at the stranger with golden eyes, exchanged a few meaningless pleasantries, and walked away.

What else could you do?

He didn’t remember you.

And maybe… that was for the best.

----

That night, he dreamed. Visions of a life he never lived flickered behind his eyelids—a celestial choir, a mortal with your face, the weight of devotion so fierce it burned like holy fire.

He woke gasping, fingers clutching at his chest.

And then—

His voice.

"You loved them enough to fall," whispered the shadow of his former self in the mirror. "Are you really going to let them walk away?"

Piece by piece, the memories returned.

The way you used to scowl at him for hovering too close.

The sound of your laughter when he tried (and failed) to understand mortal slang.

The betrayal in your eyes when he told you the truth.

And worst of all—

The way you looked at him in the café.

Like he was nothing.

Like Sunday had never existed.

-----

He found you again on a stormy evening, standing at your doorstep, drenched and desperate.

"You know me," he said, "Don’t you?"

You froze, keys slipping from your fingers as you tried to insert it to the keyhole.

This wasn’t the same man from the café.

"Sunday?"

"You remember."

"No," you lied, turning away. "I don’t."

The moment you lied—"I don’t know you"—something in Sunday snapped.

Before you could turn the key fully, his hands slammed against the door on either side of you, caging you in. His chest pressed against your back, his breath hot against your ear as he leaned in.

"Liar" he whispered.

His fingers curled into the wood, splintering it slightly as he spoke.

"I gave up everything for you," he hissed. "Heaven cast me out the moment I begged them to spare you from your fate."

His nose brushed against the nape of your neck, sending a traitorous shiver down your spine.

"And you dare pretend I never existed?"

Before you could react, his arms wrapped around you from behind, crushing you against him.

"I don’t regret it," he murmured, lips grazing your skin. "Even if Heaven abandons me forever, even if I have to claw my way through eternity alone—you will never be alone again."

He was no longer an angel.

At first, the changes were small.

Almost kind.

You used to wake up groggy, stumbling to the coffee maker like a half-dead thing. Now, there’s no need. Sunday is already there, pressing a steaming cup into your hands before your eyes even fully open.

"You function better with caffeine before seven," he murmurs, "I’ve timed it perfectly."

He learns your preferences down to the smallest detail. The way you prefer your eggs (soft-scrambled, no pepper). The exact number of seconds you like your toast browned.

(You try not to wonder what else he’s memorized.)

This is where it gets dangerous.

You mention offhand that you don’t like your coworker. The next day, they transfer departments.

You sigh about the noisy neighbors. That night, their apartment goes mysteriously silent.

"Sunday," you say slowly, "are you—?"

"Making your life easier?" He tilts his head, innocent. "Of course. That’s my purpose."

(He doesn’t mention the blood on his hands. You don’t ask.)

Then comes the night you catch him editing your journal.

You freeze in the doorway, watching as his fingers glow faintly over your open notebook—words rewriting themselves under his touch.

"What are you doing?"

Sunday doesn’t startle. He just turns, smiling beatifically.

"Fixing it," he says, as if it’s obvious. "You were too hard on yourself here. And this memory?" He taps a page. "It hurt you. Now it won’t."

"That’s not your choice."

For the first time, his smile falters.

"Isn’t it?" He stands, stepping closer. "Who knows you better than me? Who loves you more?"

His hand cups your cheek.

"Let me perfect you."

You wake up one morning with a gap in your memory.

A childhood birthday party—except now, when you try to recall it, there’s a new figure standing beside you in every photo.

A boy with golden eyes.

That’s not how you remember it.

That time you failed your driving test? Erased. Now it’s Sunday in the passenger seat, guiding your hands on the wheel. "Perfect" he praises.

The funeral you barely survived? Rewritten. He’s there, holding you up, taking the pain away.

You clutch your head, dizzy.

"This isn’t real."

Sunday smiles, stroking your hair.

"Isn’t it better this way?"

You remember now—the truth.

The day you almost died in that car crash.

How Sunday didn’t just save you.

How he leaned over your bleeding body and whispered:

"Let me make it all beautiful."

And then—

Nothing.

Just him.

Always him.

[remturtle]

Art WIP dump :3

Some info about the pieces for those interested:

Image 1:

A WIP of a Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler OC inspired by Lucifer Morningstar from The Sandman (very good show btw, highly recommend.) a few twists and tweaks have been added, and lore from the manga regarding demons had been taken into account as well (not much mind you, mainly Sebastian’s first appearance in the cult and his shape-shift-iness)

The relationship they share with Sebastian was going to be a metaphor for harmful drug addiction and toxic codependent relationships- but I never got around to fleshing out info and their dynamics (or finalising a design for that matter)

Image 2:

had an idea for yuu/Vil angst that was literally just yuu dying mid-overblot, never got around for finishing it but I had the idea to have their blot-infected corpse start to fuse with vil’s overblot form to create a nasty-looking abomination thing. (Twisted Wonderland)

Image 3:

A riff on the phantom of the opera - I had an idea for a world filled with old thriller/mystery/classics characters like victor frankenstien, Jekyll and Hyde, Dracula, Carmilla, Sherlock Holmes and the likes. Tbh the whole idea is a bit gimmicky but I’m having fun with it :3

Image 4:

originally created as a twst OC based on madame mim: Memphis/mimzy/mim. I came up with some twst universe lore related to malleus and his house (because I love fueding noble houses and the chaos it creates narratively). He is a type of draconic-fae but I never dug too deep into that for the twst lore. I initially struggled through several design before settling (for the moment) on this design- and thought it would be hilarious to making him the fruitiest straight man alive. And I think we all appreciate a guy whose in touch with both his masculinity and his femininity :D

Image 5:

I cannot stress enough how much I’m low-key embarassed by this but… I started playing my favourite childhood game again and was struck with the urge for fanart so I came up with a cool, slightly darker au for it. The art is of Greely and Peck, who act as the demigods/deities. Haven’t yet decided what I want them to reside over but I liked the idea of them acting as a duo because of how often they’re paired together in lore. (Yes. This is Animal Jam. The national geographic kids game.)

That’s about it, hope you enjoyed the ramble :3

[gopped]

so… remember when I said I wanted to create the most 2015 out of character most cringe fanfic about durgetash and I had that pole asking if I should actually write it (as well as some actual serious durgetash which I will.) well…. I did it. Any bad use of grammar/ spelling are 100% on purpose, this is not a serious fic aka please don’t think this is how I actually write.

enjoy 984 words of pure torture.

Hey my name is The Dark Urge but everyone calls me Durge for short. I’m really poggers and epic because I was born from the blood of Bhaal, yeah Bhaals my dad, suck on that posers. I have ivory-white scales and eyes the color of blood being splashed on the deepest of rubies. And I’m a storm sorcerer, studying to do magic is for losers! Plus I have this super cool slayer form that literally makes me so badass. As the true spawn of Bhaal you could say I have it all, I have a whole cult at my beck and call, all the different corpses I can eat… but there’s one thing I don’t have yet. There’s this one guy….. The chosen of Bane, we made like this pact thing that says I can’t harm him but it never said I couldn’t fuck him. And by the gods I will. I want him to be my shmoopie snuggluffagus cutie pookie patootie pudding muffin, but my dad is like a total buzz kill so I have to apologize for even thinking about putting a ring on that. Anyways his names Enver Gortash but he prefers for me to call him Enver because we’re close like that and I’m special and all that fun stuff. Plus I’m so much better that the depressed pile of dust and bones we also have to work with, ugh he’s such a boomer.

So here I am walking into Moonrise Towers so we can start discussing our super foolproof evil plans for how to take over the world. My super platform docs stomp against the stone steps to enter the tower, I glare at a few of the various subjects of other cults, idk which ones though, all I know is they’re not as cool as I am. Their probably posers and preps for all I know. But again, I don’t care. I make my grand entrance into the throne like room, doves flying behind me as light shines behind me, I’m just that important to like the world and stuff. I whip off my super cool angular anime sunglasses and I look around the room I see my pookie schmookie goth fantasy man boo-boo bear sugar goober standing off to the side and I see the old decaying grandpa corpse sitting on the big chair at the end of the room. Ugh, he’s the worst, and not even in a fun way, he won’t shut up about how his daughter doesn’t want to talk to him anymore and how he’s literally only here because of her, like how boring can a backstory get? He begins to speak. “Ah how nice of you to finally join us, you’re over an hour late.” He grumbles out, I swear theres like a moth living where his brain should be doesn’t he know that you have to be fashionably late? “Umm yeah.” I say, “that’s the point, what kind of nerd actually shows up on time.” I say rolling my perfect blood red eyes, making sure I show my sharp teeth as I scoff at him for extra effect. “Whatever, let’s just start the meeting already.” The reanimated corpse groans out, bones cracking as he repositions himself in his high chair. I cross my arms over my chest because I’m mysterious and awesome as the guy begins to speak, I don’t pay attention my sister is probably around here somewhere I’ll just ask her for the spark notes version. Gods I want to kill someone. Like I don’t have to, but I’m bored and it’s something I enjoy doing. Then I notice something in the corner of the room, while the old man goes on and on I go and investigate, the something I noticed was a cultist, not one of mine of course, they knew better. Upon further inspection, they don’t even seem to be a cultist, their robes look homemade with no reference to what they’re even supposed to be wearing. And they seem to be snooping around too, ugh it’s probably some Harper spy or something. Well, might as well get my kill count up while I’m here I guess… I approach them and before they could even begin to utter an excuse I shove my dagger in their mouth, dragging it against the roof of their mouth and tongue and pushing it down their throat. I watch with glee as the fear in their eyes gets worse as they start to choke on their own blood. I wiggle my blade, making the gashes in their mouth wider as I do so. I could stop there, but where’s the fun in that? I pull my dagger out to watch them cough and sputter out their own blood, uselessly clawing at their throat. Ugh, what a poser, I bet that even before I did that they wouldn’t be able to name 3 MCR songs.. I shove the spy onto the ground as they look up at me almost pleading with their eyes. Ugh it’s disgusting. So I take my dagger and I begin to hit them, it’s at this point I notice that the boring guy stopped speaking and the room was silent except for the occasional blood gurgle. I pull out the persons intestines and that’s when Gorts and my eyes meet across the room. It’s like so romantic like I swear someone casted like stop time or something… him and his pepsi dark eyes… I tuck some of the blood around my tympanum, gods he’s like so hot. Like the hottest I’ve seen in my 40 years of dreadful existence. Then he walks over to me and my heart goes doki doki he knees beside me on the other side of the now corpse and we start making out. No lips no tongue, all teeth. And then we took control of the netherbrain and got married.

The end.

[bramblewatchescharmed]

s1e8 "Bug a Boo"

Thoughts after watching Charmed (2018) s1e8 "Bug a Boo":

For a show whose marketing was very pointed about Mel being a lesbian, it is, uh . . . Not a Good Look when it kills off a white gay man in an interracial relationship as the Victim of the Week.

It's also not a good look that all the cicada demons in this episode are played by Asian actors. Yes, there's a point to be made given the demons are running a dating app and one of them makes the comment on his date with Macy about Asian guys being statistically underrepresented and less likely to be chosen, but uh... that seems undercut with the reveal that he's, y'know, an insect demon.

Gods, the CGI for these bug demons makes them look absolutely disgusting and I am not here for it. Yeah the original had some questionable choices for demons and dodgy CGI, but Masselin was absolutely terrifying. Here, I'm just majorly grossed out.

Yeah, Parker and Maggie have been dating for five minutes so why is she talking about spending the summer with him?

Also, again, they've been dating for five minutes and he asks her for a plasma donation? (I know it's because she saw him shooting up and went with his cover story that it's a rare autoimmune disorder, which . . . I mean, yeah, you could say that, but ???).

Jada and Macy are the only likeable characters in this whole show, tbh. Jada's cool as fuck with her witchlighter powers.

Though it's kind of hard to take Jada seriously when she goes so very hard on the Mysterious Witchy Goth thing.

The Sarcana coven all in black, the Elder witches all in white . . . yeah, I'm saying it now: they're both very different types of cults, and Mel is a dumbass and manages to completely misunderstand both of them.

LMFAO at Mel walking into the Sarcana's lair and immediately being whacked upside the head with a wooden plank bc she walked in like a total noob. (She really is a dumbass, holy cow.)

I sorted at Galvin being hit by a car out of literally nowhere and that's how the episode ends.

Oh, for a rewrite of this whole season where the Veras have to figure shit out on their own and didn't go running to Harry and the Elders for every fucking little thing.

Though gods, as someone who is very gladly single, this episode makes me never want to use dating apps ever.

There is also way too much going on in this whole season thus far. I mean, you've got Mel still trying to figure out her mom's murder, the Elders vs the Sarcana, Fiona (Charity's sister), Maggie doing... whatever with her college campus and sorority, and Macy's subplots with Galvin and the university's genetics lab.

Actually, wait, I thought Macy worked for Hilltowne University as part of its genetics research lab? So why and how would a third-party company (Morningstar Biotech) move in and completely take over the lab? I don't remember if this was ever explained or not. (Yeah, the Vera-Vaughns vanquished the previous head of the lab/department, but still.)

"We all know you and Charity used to date," Mel tells Harry, except uh . . . outside of this episode it was never obvious that they used to be a couple, and the one time Harry/Charity do have a moment, it's when they're alone and the Vera-Vaughns are nowhere to be found. So how the hell does Mel know that Charity and Harry used to bang?

It's also never really made clear in this universe why witch/Whitelighter relationships are forbidden, but damn at Jada saying the Elders called her an abomination simply for being born.

Again, the Elders in this show are even worse than the Elder Whitelighters in the OG, and that is saying something, considering these Elders are all cis women / female witches.

I snickered at Hunter calling his and Parker's demonic dad "a three-thousand year old douche". This whole demon family is.... oooh boy, but at least Hunter sticks up for his younger brother.

"I'm still getting over my ex," Mel says while infiltrating the dating-app building on campus. Uh-huh, I'd have a better time believing that if she didn't literally only grieve for Niko for, like, five minutes.

[jupitermelichios]

(spoilers for the ending of assassins creed 1, and i guess technically the whole franchise)

Her name was Helena Petrovna Hahn von Rottenstern, aka Madame Helena Blavatsky, and she's one of the most influential people of the 19th century, and for some reason we don't talk about her

in response to being married at 17 to a man 40 years older than her, she ran away and travelled around for a bit (we do not know where, because she lied about literally everything all the time and 99% of the things she said about her own life were probably bollocks - we only know for certain when and where she was born because her mother was a reasonably well-known writer and her life was therefore documented by people who weren't compulsive liars!). She claims these travels included going to tibet - as it was a closed country at the time which did not allow foreigners to visit, this is probably bollocks, but who knows

eventually she washed up in america in the 1870s with minimal money and a hundred-a-day smoking habit to fund, so she immediately starts running the popular scam at the time of pretending to be nobility in hiding so people will let you stay with them for free (she was from a noble family, but a pretty minor and unexciting one). While doing this, she encounters spiritualism, and claims to be an immediate convert. Actually, she's just spotted a good grift.

she works as a medium for a few years, conning people in a very mundane and kind of sad way, and then has the genius idea that actually the best way to make money from this would be to start a religion, so she does.

it was called theosophy, and it was mostly based on the Edward Bulwar-Lytton novel fantasy novel Zanoni, which she was very familiar with because her mother did the russian translation for it, with a big dose of spiritualism and orientalism on top, and its big innovation in the cult and spirituality space was the "secret masters"

see actually madame blavatsky wasn't a fake medium, she was the student of an immortal enlightened being from tibet (because being a closed country meant it was cool and mysterious and also you can't prove it's not full of immortal wizards) called koot hoomi, who was part of an order of ancient beings who had been guiding humanity from the shadows for centuries. (in some accounts they specifically lived inside the earth which was hollow, but i can't remember if she introduced that or one of her followers later on. probably once tibet opened its borders and everyone realised it was just a normal country full of normal humans)

for the low low price of massive donations to her cult, and also maybe moving to india to live in their compound, you too could become a student of the secret masters and learn the wisdom of the ancients!

my favourite thing about this grift is that she had a papier mache koot hoomi head which would get pulled up on a wire during seances to convince people he was a) real, and b) physically mannifesting in their house.

(she also convinced her followers she could teleport, and to do this she'd pay their servants to drop cigarette buts and ash in their houses and then tell them they were from her cigarette when she teleported in earlier. no really, she was here, she left just before you got in. the 'i have a girlfriend she just goes to a different school' of fake magic powers)

my least favourite thing about the grift is that a group of her followers calling themselves the order of the star in the east became convinced that the son of one of the compounds gardeners in india was actually the messiah so they basically purchased this kid off his dad and raised him in the cult to be the messiah, and she was cool with this. (he ended up shockingly well adjusted, basically did a press conference when he turned 20 where he publically announced that he was definitely not the messiah, and moved away to the country to live a pretty normal life)

the big long term effect of theosophy is a) every modern cult that isn't just 'existing mainstream religion but real extreme' is just theosophy in a funny hat, and b) the idea of this super intelligent powerful ancient race that taught humanity everything they know and you too can gain their knowledge for the low low price of loosing all your friends as you fall down a conspiracy rabbit hole caught on in a massive way.

this leads to a whole of lot very bad nazi and nazi-adjacent beliefs (the nazi spin is that the aryan race were the secret masters and all blonde people are their direct descendants). then in the 50s you get roswell and the alien sighting craze, and suddenly everyone's asking 'but what if the secret masters were aliens'

that gets us to another horribly influential terrible person, Erich von Däniken, who publishes Chariots of the Gods in 1968 about how ancient brown people were too stupid to do anything and actually everything cool they did was done by aliens who visited them (and probably looked like white people - not all ancient astronaut belief systems are racist, but like 99% are)

this book became massively popular and pushed the secret masters idea fully mainstream, and you started getting a whole lot of pop culture stuff based on it (so much of marvel comics. so much. jack kirby fucking loved that stupid book. the Eternals are literally just chariots of the gods fanfic)

from there, it's a straight step to Assassins Creed, a game about how the bible and also greek mythology is actually just describing a race of super-advanced immortal aliens who have guided humanity and gave them technology etc etc (if you did not know that's what those games were about and instead thought they were about being a cool assassin doing stealth missions, sorry for the spoilers. this tumblr post is allowing you to experience first hand how fucking jarring the final act reveal of that game was without needing to spend $20 and 30 hours playing it - a bargain!)

and then michael fassbender made one of the worst decisions of his whole career, and now I have to get jumpscared by a 19th century conwoman and her stupid papier mache ghost when i'm just trying to learn about d&d mechanics, lmao

tl;dr - conartist creates a cult around the idea of secret immortal beings guiding humanity, second different conartist goes 'yes but what if they were aliens and also racist', this idea goes on to be central to way too many marvel comics and also the assassins creed franchise

i was watching a video about d&d and the creator said he thought it would be cool to have a setting where elves are a lost race of powerful ancients rather than a current-day player race, so now i'm thinking about how much of modern pop culture wouldn't exist without one specific 19th century conartist again

(also cults. so many cults. minimum 50% of modern cult belief systems wouldn't exist without her)

[cantfuckbracket]

Can't Fuck Bracket - Group Stage. Group 8: The Mysterious Benedict Society (TV) Characters

LD Curtain versus Jeffers versus Dr Garrison

[ID: The unfuckable pride flag overlaid with the "no bitches" meme. Over it are pictures of the contestants. They are all tanned white people. Curtain has hair slicked to the side and is shown pursing his lips and throwing his hands back; Jeffers has a moustache and is grimacing; and Dr Garrison looks like she's about to sneeze. Over them are sparkles and a heart with a butt, and in between them are peach emojis crossed out with the word "vs" in them. End ID]

Propaganda:

LD Curtain: "He's both a cringefail loser (See: 1. repeatedly beaten by a group of literal children, at one point even saying "they have proven to be my only worthy adversaries" (<- man talking about a group of eleven year olds), 2. screaming at a child, while visibly tearing up, "I AM NOT SAD! I AM *FINE!*", 3. genuinely thinking he can simply say no to having narcolepsy, 4. keeps little painted figurines of his brother and co and does magic tricks with them to intimidate an eleven year old, sincerely thinks this is an extremely cool thing to do), a bad dad (terrible both in the sense that he's emotionally abusive and in the sense that he thinks he's doing suuuuuuuch a good job and he very much isn't), and just like. evil?? but not in the sexy way. and also he's in denial about it which makes it even LESS sexy. Negative sexy if you will. "I'm not bad. who thinks that" sir you are standing in your mind control machine. "Sticky! Friend! Evil is a bit harsh!" sir you psychologically tortured him. anyway he does stupid little magic tricks and is a complete failure but somehow manages to convince everyone that he's charming and actually very cool. while obviously like, starting a cult or being just visibly a cringefail maniac two seconds from flying off the handle. anywya this got out of hand the point is: UNFUCKABLE."

Jeffers: "he's just. a sad little man. the biggest loser i've ever seen. [shrek voice] he can't even secure a perimeter! no but seriously the way he just like. fails at literally everything he does? he even annoys CURTAIN with his incompetence/general loseritude. if he tried to have sex i think somehow the bed would end up on fire and he'd have to leave literally with his head hanging. somehow his dick would just fall off and bounce on the floor like a sad little worm on a string. i'm so sorry for giving you that mental image and if you want to kill me for it i understand"

Dr Garrison: "Dr. Garrison is *the* representation for unfuckable insane women in STEM we’ve all been waiting for. She spends the entirety of the show conducting unethical experiments. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure if she’s ever heard of the concept of “relaxing” or “having fun.” She has the energy of “someone who should’ve had a girlboss villain arc and had a midlife crisis instead.” Actually, that is literally what happens. She was fired and framed by her boss and she *should’ve* had her hot girl divorcee revenge arc; instead, she’s hiding out in a root cellar paying off a gang of teenage lesbians to kidnap a 7 year old that she needs for further unethical experiments. The last time we see her on screen, she’s sobbing collapsed on a table as the 7-year old her lesbians kidnapped administers what I like to call “malicious therapy.” It is important to note that she is wearing what appears to be a potato sack throughout this entire encounter.

Basically, her cringe fail swag combined with her “never heard of the concept of fun” energy as well as her impending midlife crisis combine to create an incredible aura of unfuckability. (However, I am a fool. I could fix her <3)"

[weirdplutoprince]

One thing I find very amusing about fruits basket is that although we very often comment on how Kyo and Tohru are like, deconstructions of some classic shoujo archetypes ( the gentle girl, the tsundere boy) i dont see the fact yuki is also a big subversion of the ‘charming prince’ type being discussed as much? Like, really think of it for a moment.

The guy starts off as like, the sparkly, polite school prince type and everyone wants to know him carnally. He’s flirty, sweet and seems to be somewhat pursuing Tohru from the start. He’s also got this weird fanclub, also pretty common for the archetype, very jokey but ‘normal’. And then he’s got this vulnerable, lonely side which is sold as ‘unexpected’ but its still fairly predictable for this sort of character, cool. Great. So you have all this, and you probably start thinking this is more or less we’ll get from him during the manga but like NOPE. This is the fucking tip of the yuki iceberg and hes actually so much more WEIRD. Because the more you find out about his character origins and his backstory, the more it recontextualizes his behaviour in a tragic but also incredibly funny way LIKE

He is the early 2000′s japanese equivalent of a sickly victorian girl, if she were raised in a cult, and also happened to be possessed by the spirit of a mouse. Literally every fricking yuki fact sounds insane. Like, yes growing up sheltered is expected, but not in the hyper specifc scenario of being sold to the main branch of your evil cult family clan, and being assigned playmate of the worlds most evil 12 years old. Yes he had mysterious respiratory diseases. Yes he was plagued by visions of death. Yes, his most consistent childhood friends were two of his fucked up cursed cousins - ONE WHO DID NOT EVEN LIKE HIM. And then you’re like, ok, that’s a lot, but im sure that can recouncile with the Yuki we know today- NO!! There’s more!!

Because before you can make sense of that, theres also the overwhelming evidence that his way of coping with this was not only moving in with his unreliable straight cousin, but also mimicking his self centered social butterfly older brother for everything!! Think of it!! Where did he learn to put up that princely act!! Who could he have possibly gotten it from!! This mf lived half of his life surrounded by socially inept children and evil old ladies!! It has to be Ayame!! So you’re looking at little yuki, getting his first fricking chance in the real world and literally his first thought is I Need To Be Liked and his only parameter for that is his self centered evil older brother!! So this little guy whose literally only friends are his mentally scarred distant cousins tries to put up a persona which he thinks will make him likeable, and accidentaly speedruns his way to the top of the school’s social pyramid!! Fuck!! He doesn’t know what he’s doing!!

So by the time he actually meets Tohru he’s so deep into this shit he literally has no paramater of how to interact with her outside of either his sickly victorian girl self, or the toned down version of Ayame he constructed for his outside world life!! And this is incredibly funny and tragic because he’s literally friends with her for month before his mind starts going like ‘I feel some form of affection for this girl who moved into my house.’ and it IMMEDIATELY jumps to I MUST BE DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH HER. So he plays the fucking part!! SDUHFSFD Every time Yuki flirts with Tohru before the mommy confession is literally just his brain going ‘ i care her’ but having no other way to express it other than court her like a fucking shoujo character. Yes, it’s sad compulsive heterosexuality and pretty tragic when put into context, but it’s also hilarious!! dhufshudf Little boy makes one female friend and is so unequipped to deal with it he fucking roleplays being in love with her.

so yeah just *sighs dreamingly* yuki, man...

[gay-dorito-dust]

Leon intellectualizing me mes just comes with the man. It'll go straight over his head and the interrogation will start. It's not to prove his point, but like you said, he's unnecessarily philosophical.

..ngl 🥺 I am too. It's the dance between rubbing my forehead and walking away or over-analyzing with him. 🤡

~~~~~~ incoming rant ~~~

"I made it everyone's problem" ahhhh 🤣🤣🤣 good work solider. Lmao I love that.

That's the thing there was never a point to them! They barely did their jobs and they kept fucking over groot, grouch, gruis, whatever the hell his name is. They're not even useful henchmen. They couldn't even do the one job they had ➡️ ELECTRIC CHAIR!

*clears throat and fixes hair*

Sorry for the rant. I genuinely despise the minions and think they dealt a hand in the extinction of humanity. I've seen the original concept art, BUT that's not what we got. Whoever dealt out a soulless, lazy, bootleg version deserves the smite of every horrific eldritch god.

~~~back to Leon ✨️🥚~~~~~~

You know when he reads it he's gunna squint and then pull out his readers (that sit on his nose cuz he's cool like that 😎).

Omg!! Say it louder for those in the back because they really love depicting Leon like a suave, charming, mysterious, badass. As much I eat that shit up. He is a badass but bb he's goofy, awkward, and believes he's a cool kid.

"Where did everyone go? BiNGo?" 🥴

"I’m sure you boys didn’t just tag along so we can sing kumbaya together at some boy scout bonfire." 🙃 Leon, get out. You're walking the rest of the way.

Ashley deserves more credit after surviving a murderous cult AND Leon's one liners. I know I would've accidentally hurt his feelings by the 6th one liner.

I over analyse stuff too much and it’s grown into a game of ‘is it something deep? Or am I just trying to find something that wasn’t there in the first place?’

Mate, Leon was saving that ‘where did everybody going? Bingo?’ One line in his back pocket and he found the opportunity in the WEIRDEST way possible.

Which leads me to think that Leon has shit comedic timing.

Plus his one liners only hit with those who like that type of shit. (guilty as charged.)

Tbh I’d let him speak his one liners, tell him out of pity that they’re good whilst dying inside from how bad they are. (cuz I have the backbone of a chocolate eclair. What a twat.)

I’d only be encouraging this behaviour of his and for that I must apologise…for making everyone else suffer alongside me. ❤️

-extremely short rant-

The minions were only there to be made into toys for kids and comedic effect with their running gags of fart gun/bananas and literally nothing else.

-rant over-

Leon be like;

Ashley is the bravest solider cuz I wouldn’t be able to do it. Not a chance. I’d crack and be like to the weird cult ‘kill me now thnx.’

Leon: *after cutting off an arm of a villager* looks like you’ve been disarmed 😎

Ashley:

[commander-snacks]

Hey who IS that husband-man? Is he an elden ring? A dark souls? What’s his whole vibe? Like, what’s he workin with?

YES! he is a elden ring :3

But here I can explain pretty much everything we know about him!! He and apostle dont have a ton of lore but what we do know about them is really cool. Ill include some info about the Apostle as well since their lore is interconnected

Generally, the Godskins are a mysterious type of creature (literally how theyre referred to in-game. They only appear human but are far from it). We see two types of godskins in-game, the Apostles (tall n skinny) and the Nobles (my hubby) They once served an as-of-yet unseen character called the "Gloam Eyed Queen". Since their queen was defeated long ago, theyve scattered all around the lands between. Their goal, simply put, is to kill the gods flay them, and wear their skin as a trophy.

More info under the cut!!!

-The godskins are masters of the art of black flame, a flame that was once capable of killing gods. Since death was sealed away by queen Marika however, this power has been lost. Black flame will still fuck you up good though.

-Since this power was lost, they now resort to flaying humans and albinaurics alike.

Unique twinblade wielded by Godskin Apostles characterized by its disturbing design. One end features a sickle for slicing attacks while the other boasts a winding spike for boring into flesh. -Godskin peeler description

-Most godskins seem to still be loyal to the gloam eyed queen even if she isnt around, seeking to unseal death and hunt gods again. However some have found themselves new masters, one Noble found in the volcano manor is believed to now serve Rykard instead

-The nobles are the most ancient of the apostles. Theyre a higher rank than them which is shown by their "seven-faced apron" theyre adorned with. Since the gloam eyed queen was defeated so long ago, we can assume the nobles are hundreds if not thousands of years old.

Nobles are the most ancient apostles who are said to have assimilated inhuman physiology -Godskin hood item description

-The "assimilated inhuman physiology" is proven by their reptilian features, see their big scaly tails:

-Their bodies are also almost clay-like in nature, able to squash and stretch at will. The apostle can stretch to great lengths, and the noble can expand himself tenfold

-Even though they appear only as a cruel human-slaying cult, theres a consistent theme of parental/maternal love in their origins. The godskin swaddling cloth is an obvious one, but also the fact that a noble is found guarding the serpents amnion (a literal womb)

The Gloam-Eyed Queen cradles newborn apostles swaddled in this cloth. Soon they will grow to become the death of the gods. -Swaddling cloth description

-With this knowledge we know the gloam eyed queen had a very personal relationship with the godskins, possibly even creating them herself.

-The nobles in particular are extremely skilled in swordsmanship, clear in their actual bossfight and also the description for their sword

Elegant piercing sword with a celadon colored blade wielded by Godskin Nobles.

The nobles possess skill with the sword unmatched by any lowborn. Despite its size, successive attacks from this weapon are swifter than the eye can follow. -Description for the godskin stitcher

-They are HUGE!!!!!!! They only look human in their proportions from afar until you get right up next to em. The nobles foot is the size of my whole torso and apostle is so tall its hard to even keep him in frame

-The godskins are unique in the fact that theyre the only mandatory bosses that can be put to sleep. Its unknown why this is, but it sure is cute

Aaaand thats all I can think to add right now!! oh, and theyre also the baldest mother fuckers youve ever seen in your life. Like on god

[incohorace]

Tell us about fitzgerald air!

hi yay!! i get to talk about fitzgerald muahahaha

so fitzgerald air (temporary name) is set in an alternate 1920s london in which an immortality-obsessed airship magnate competes with a fanatical cult to awake an ancient, powerful pantheon from where they lie dormant beneath a monolith in the centre of westminster. yeah. such a slay

it's centered around unemployed engineer elias digby, who has finally been released from the grip of his family; an airship pilot named andrew spencer who is on the run after discovering a dark secret at the heart of the famous company fitzgerald air, which has a monopoly on airships and is headed by sir hugh fitzgerald, who is incredibly rich and influential; nora atkins, a wealthy and glamorous heiress who also happens to be a mathematical genius; adrien bennet, the owner of a motor car company called merlin motors who are attempting to improve the design of the airplane so it can become a rival to fitzgerald's airships.

after stumbling upon the scene of a seemingly sacrificial murder, elias, who is bored and smart and has nothing better to do, starts to investigate, and gradually uncovers a secret and terrifying cult who worship a mysterious, ancient being.

meanwhile andrew, on the run from fitzgerald's hitmen, hides out with his close friend nora (because she owns two whole mansions) while attempting to decipher some strange blueprints he stole from fitzgerald after a fellow employee's death, as well as a map, centered around westminster monolith (where big ben is now) with what seem to be ley lines stretching out around it.

eventually the three join up, and adrien bennet enlists their help to bring the two organisations down and stop them before they've awakened this sinister eldritch entity, which could endanger the fate of humanity

and also elias helps adrien design a new and improved plane which is cool

it's not the most developed idea as of now but i'm kind of obsessed with it <3

elias digby – sarcastic, smart, talented engineer, SO traumatised, can quote shakespeare any day, internally screaming every time andrew or adrien so much as looks at him (he has a type)

andrew spencer – THE bisexual, flirt, literally has never taken anything seriously in his life (not true he loves everyone around him very fiercely), reckless, loves flying as in he can't live without it, for someone who seems so confident and sure of himself he sure blushes a lot whenever he makes eye contact elias......

nora atkins – fashion icon, mathematical genius, somehow manages to keep andrew in check (how does she do it), actually SHE'S the bisexual of all time and i'm obsessed with her, she owns a motorbike which is hot

adrien bennet – a bit similar to andrew but with more mad scientist vibes, he's also a very charismatic leader and just generally really good with people and makes friends easily

and here's the opening paragraph because it's one of my fav things i've ever written:

That morning, London had awoken to a great downpour, the first storm after a long, dry summer, but it was evening now and its inhabitants were grumbling about the weather as if they were well into autumn and had been wearing their raincoats for weeks, trudging along rain-soaked pavements and dodging puddles with the ill-tempered resignation of a country famous for its rain. The walkers’ umbrellas groaned and sagged beneath the water that tumbled from the sheet of grey above, and they cast envious glances at the occasional passing motor car. The airships trundling high over the grimy streets suffered a similar fate: the water washed over their sloped tops and surged down their furrowed sides, collecting in gutters and gurgling down rickety pipes or simply streaming down and onto the people below. An airship hung heavy in the sky above one construction site, shielding it from the pouring rain like a great, ungainly umbrella, and a young man stood a little way from the ramshackle scaffolding, a dark blue bicycle propped up against him as he rummaged around in his pockets. He was lean and serious and his eyes sparkled with intelligence, though his face was a little pinched and his chin rather sharp; his black hair was sopping wet and flattened to his forehead, sending a steady stream of water down his nose. He payed it no mind.

[spicyicymeloncat]

Okay Ninjago hot take

S8-S9 is a good season, but it’s got some flaws too…

Mostly I think the villains of this season are kinda lack lustre…

(Disclaimer I did enjoy the season and this post is all my speculation and opinions. It’s all for fun)

So s8-s9 try to put a spin (pun intended) on the main series by having the plot be notably darker and mature, I assume to keep up with the aging audience. We have a biker gang (the association with rebellious and counter culture teens), Harumi rebelling against the government which are also her parents, demonic cults, the romance drama with Lloyd and a proper dystopian setting touching on authority manipulation (Iron Baron), news manipulation (Ultra Violet’s show) and the important of faith. We have 3 characters die in the second episode. We literally have Wu grow up throughout the season, and the focus of Lloyd growing up. And this is really cool and well thought out!

I just think the villains were lacking in something. Not to be like “the other seasons were better” but I do think former villains worked well in ways that didn’t happen here. Maybe I just found them more charismatic idk. Like Pythor is downright creepy because he’s like, a cannibal. Chen is one of the best written villains because he’s like the joke character who is actually powerful but villain form. His silly ness, combined with the fact that he STILL had everyone in the palm of his hand, makes him a good villain because you feel you’ve greatly underestimated him. Also he funny. Him and Clouse have such a good dynamic. Morro is also iconic because of his connection to Wu. Heck I think Nadakhan and the Time Twins were decent. Nadakhan had a unique style of villainy and I also liked the twins dynamic, although they are a little generic. (The overlord is boring we don’t talk about him, there’s a reason cryptor was in DotD and not him).

My problem with the SoG, is that most of them are undeveloped, and Harumi could’ve been more. I think the standards are higher because s8 really sets the tone that things will be darker. But Killow, is just the strong one, and Ultra Violet is just crazy, which would be cool if it wasn’t her only character trait. At least Mr E gets an excuse because he’s a mystery, and generally he played a more prominent role. The characters don’t seem to have much of a relationship with each other and we don’t even know why any of them joined a demon biker cult gang, or why they like Garmadon (save for Harumi).

And Harumi. Wow. So while she does have one of the darker backstories, idk it still feels tame in spite of the season. I think it’s cool her story links to the start of the season, her hate for the ninja isn’t reasonable. Like they were trying their dang hardest to kill that snake, and Lloyd was her age when it happened. Why does she want to resurrect an evil Garmadon when the Garmadon who defeated the Devourer did it out of good. She resurrected a Garmadon who didn’t care for his family when the familial side of him seems to be the only appeal for her. And like, yeah the royal family didn’t seem too fun, but like at least she was adopted, especially by rich people. If she was anti- the emperor then why’d she bring back a worse one? I mean I feel like they could have capitalised more on the ninja’s found family vs Harumi’s “for the publicity” family. I think her story isn’t tragic enough considering how casually dark Ninjago has been so far. Like it’s not dark enough to make up for the fact that her motives barely make sense. Harumi has trauma and a cool aesthetic but she doesn’t make much sense and her redemption felt rushed.

Speaking of her redemption, why did Garmadon care so much when she died. Wasn’t the point of him to be heartless. Because it honestly felt like he was a new born baby rather than the embodiment of darkness. Idk I just can’t believe Harumi got special treatment ig, my man Garmadon rlly enabled her toxic behaviour. Idk I think maybe it’s just that actual Garmadon was a pretty rational being, and this one feels like he came straight out of Harumi’s self insert fanfic. Idk idk.

Another thing but did anyone else not understand why Lloyd crushed on Harumi in the first place. I’m sorry but Lloyd “if I see one girl in here I’m gonna go ballistic” Montgomery Garmadon? I’m sorry this kid grew up surrounded crazy relationship drama. Firstly his mum managed to marry evil incarnate, then Jay and Cole fight over Nya, which ends up getting so bad that it contributed to the post s3 split of the ninja, also Zane’s girlfriend initially tried to kill him, Kai’s crush was originally evil, and then he found out that Garmadon had lied in order to date Misako! Like idk about Lloyd but I would consider not dating anyone in Ninjago! Tbh it would’ve made more sense if Lloyd fell in love with Harumi AFTER she revealed herself to be evil, because everyone around him DID date evil.

I think it would’ve been cool if the SoG did actually treat each other as family, maybe they were all orphans together at some point, and created a support network between themselves. It would certainly check out for Harumi and Mr E (assuming he IS echo zane) as they are both orphans. Them treating each other as family, being comfortable around each other, having caring sides to give them more dimension might be a shout. Now idk how to change the whole “why does Harumi like Garmadon of all people” other than she’s crazy (which ig is true for the show, perhaps they could’ve shown her be more unhinged). But I do feel like Garmadon doesn’t need to care for Harumi, because he has no capacity for empathy anymore. We can still have the scene where she’s like “I’ll be your daughter”, but later on when he accidentally kills her he’s just like “I’ve spent years trying to kill my family, it kinda comes with the job”. I also think Harumi’s death was rushed, like suddenly now she grows a conscience? If she was crazy but then watched her found family slowly die, then I feel like that gives her more of a reason to turn her back on the whole Garmadon thing.

So I’m gonna post a bunch of headcanons / rewrite / glorified fanfic ideas that I came up with so I can personally make peace with these seasons (jus my opinions tho)(some of them contradict the books and I’m aware)

Sons of Garmadon headcanons

Alternative Lloyd/Harumi plotline

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

Into The Thick of It (1)

Loki x Female Reader

Chapter 1: The Cult

Series Summary: Her work as an agriculturist nearly takes the readers life is not for a stranger (and his weird looking dog) who later turns out to be the God of Mischief. Thrown into a completely different realm, you want to figure out a way home while trying to stay out of the way of this literal God. But fate has its own plans for the two of you.

Written for @tarithenurse and her #Taris1Kchallenge

Warnings: torture, sacrifice, undertones of rape

Word Count: I am on a break. It feels good to just breathe without dreading the rest of the day. Why is work so punishing?

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

One single machine whirrs in this dull laundromat. The light above you flickers at intervals so regular you have already made a beat out of it. The only other sound distracting enough is some old music playing on the radio at the front desk where no one sits at this hour. And that fan that seems to be breathing its last over your head. "Yeah, it's unbelievably quiet here," you mentioned in a soft tone before looking around the empty space. "I guess I'm glad I only had to stop for three days here." "What? Are you not going to explore this place?" your friend, Zaira's voice crackles through the phone. You shrug despite knowing she cannot see you. "I don't know, Zai, this place gives me the creeps for some reason. I am only hanging around here because Prashant wants to revise the reports I sent him of the soil composition before he gives me a green light to leave this place." "Damn! That bad?" "Oh! You have no idea!" You look around once again. The front desk guy has just come back in his old Chevrolet and the clock has struck nine. "Zai," you whisper in the lowest tone possible, watching the man whistle as he gets out of his car without closing the door, "there are no kids in this village-slash-town." He walks to the back to open the trunk of his car, whistling a somewhat familiar tune. "That's...not haunting at all!" Zaira's sarcasm can be heard in her surprised tone. "Well, what's more haunting is the fact that the youngest person here is an eighteen-year-old boy who keeps showing up anywhere I go and keeps staring at me funny." The man shuts the hood with a loud thump and you can see a fresh bundle of store-bought rope, a baseball bat, a bottle of some chemical-probably for cleaning- and a pair of rubber gloves as he starts walking to the entrance. "Allah-" Zaira takes the Lord's name in surprise- "no wonder they have The Sacrifice playing somewhere there." The man sets everything on the front desk, still whistling the same tune, which you now come to realise is the song that is currently playing on the radio. "The...the what?"

"The thing playing in your background," Zaira comments, "it's playing on a two strong instrument with a looping chorus. It's a pagan ritual song that is sung by some orthodox communities that still present a sacrifice to their pagan gods. We learned this in the summer session for cult studies, boo. Oh, wait. You were back home that time. The chorus basically says 'here's your sacrifice, now pay my dues'." Not a word of what Zaira said is heard after the pagan ritual song because suddenly all the materials resting on the front desk are making sense. So is the creak of the back door that opens to let the only teenager of the town in. Your body is frozen in place, your mind has gone blank. One moment you are running for the exit. And the next, you are lying on the floor with the two men hovering over you while the song calling for your sacrifice slowly fades away. . It is the discomfort from the heat that wakes you up. The sweat and stickiness all over your body slowly registers in your brain that alerts of a throbbing ache at the back of your head with a bang. Everything is a blur for a few moments; till the lights morph into fire beacons and the sun transforms into a bonfire, the figures moving around you become humans with faces smeared in blood. Your clammy skin shines in the light of the bonfire, your hair sticking to any part of you. Tears are rolling down the edge of your eyes while your brain is registering this new pain altogether from the gag in your mouth. You try to move your hand to touch your skull where it hurts, but are unable to do so. My hands...I can't move them. Your dizzy brain gives your body the command again but in vain. "She's awake!" a raspy voice pierces through the air.  And within a speck of a second, all the memories start rushing in. Y/N? Hello? Babe, can you hear me? Adrenaline shoots up in your system and your senses are heightened. The smell of kerosene is heavy in the air along with the crippling stench of burning flesh. You have been bound to a pole with your hands behind you, the bonfire in front of you, the forest surrounding you from every corner and the moonless sky on top of you. The faces in the fire are all familiar. The residents of this town, all staring at you while you struggle to get out of the ropes cutting through your skin, stop their movement to pick up the bowls kept in front of them and drink its contents. Your cries are muffled; partly because of the gag and partly because of the sobs that want to escape your throat just like your tears. Your already broken body jumps when the oldest woman in the group starts shouting phrases in a language unknown to you. And just as she begins, everyone around her takes out a dagger and starts moving in your direction. Your heartbeat seems to drop for a moment. They can see the horror in your eyes. But that does not stop their moments. The woman's chants grow heavier as her hand moments grow more vigorous. The youngest of them all skips a step or two to straight away jump on the platform where you are kept on display. He looks around once and turns to you to move your sweat laden hair strands away from your face. His pale fingers are cold, almost icy to the touch. "Don't worry, I'll get you out of here," he whispers close to your ears. Your sobs turn to sniffs to hear his words and look into his eyes. Those grey irises are trying to dig straight into your soul. "Trust me." Your instinct- which has never been wrong in your life- is already moving your leg to bend the knee and get his balls. And you do. Watching him writhe in pain for one long satisfying moment as he curses you from heaven to hell. But he gets back up, with the eyes of a madman ready to kill. You are crying out still, for anyone who will listen, in heaven or hell, as he takes you by your throat. The venom in his hold is enough to take your life. "The only way out-" he says close to your face- "is through, you cunt." One last prayer comes out of you as a whimper before you wait for his dagger to meet you.  In the next heartbeat, everything turns white. . Everything is blinded by a white light. It does seem to be the end. Why did I have to die like this dammit?! A Buzzfeed Unsolved episode?! But something does not sit right.  The white light should be the end, right? Then why can feel something wet under my h- Before you realise you are tumbling down the steepness of the forest. Your body can feel every rock and every pebble on the way down the seemingly endless slope. It seems like a long while when your limbs finally skid on flat rocky terrain, bringing the ringing pain to a halt before it can bounce all over your body a bit louder in the deafening silence. The first thing your senses do is look for any sign of danger around you. The forest is dark. And apparently different than the one you were in before. The trees are taller and with trunks that would not fit in your hugs. You cannot see their ends in the sky from where you lay. Not weird at all. The silence too sends your wounded heart into an anxious stir. Not even the cicadas speak here. Am I...dead? Now that definitely stirs something out there. A twig breaks in the distance. You pause your breath and shush your racing heart. A soft rustle of leaves can be heard somewhere that lets your sweat run cold all over the body. It is hard to breathe through the gag as it is, and you are standing nowhere near a hiding spot, making your basic instincts run wild with any shadow you see in this treacherous night. So all you do is stand as still as a trembling mouse and wait. And that wait isn't long. Call it nature's mysterious ways or just a random event happening at the right time, a cool breeze stirs the air for the first time in this place. From where you stand, the breeze hits your back, tickling those sweat beads on the nape of your neck before letting you smell the odour of blood it carries with it. All the neurons inside you make you turn around and face a familiar figure emerging from the shadows with a dagger in his hand. The basic instincts inside you are already making your body break into a run in the opposite direction. The rush of the flight instinct is overpowering all the injuries and you forget for a second that your hands are still tied behind you as you speed straight ahead. But that devil of a man is fast. He has already closed the distance and his hands are grabbing your hair, pushing you both to the ground. He presses you down with his body, not giving you any room to get up or free your limbs. But he does untie your gag before turning you around and holding your neck in a choke-hold. "Please, please, please..." Nothing else is coming out of you at this point; except for hot tears streaming down the side of your face.  "Well," the bastard sighs, pressing down his pelvis on your abdomen while having the audacity to smirk when looking down at you, "we had to sacrifice a virgin. But surely it's going to work the same if I put that mouth to work." The dread of his words does not set in till his free hand reaches for the button on his pants to undo it. The more you try to push away from him, the tighter he grips your throat. Oh, Gods! Just let me die instead. He is halfway undoing his zipper when a sound cracks through the air. It almost sounds like a very quiet motor either just starting or just stopping. And the closer it gets, it starts taking the shape of a growl coming from the throat of an animal. The man is distracted now; looking for the source of the sound. Loosening his grip a bit, he turns around to let his vision get as far in the dark as it could to look for anything out of the ordinary. And while he is busy, it is you who notices its presence and choose not to make a sound. The man turns around to look right into red eyes gleaming at him from a distance of three inches, sending him jumping up and crawling back on the ground as far away from you as possible. Huge white canines visible even in this darkness are on display as this four-legged creature growls in your captor's direction. A twisted horn rests majestically on each side of its head. Paws as huge as a lion's, but claws twice as big and dark as the night are resting on either side of your shoulder. The fur seems dark and dense except for where pointed bones are protruding out on its back. The growl revving in this creature's throat is enough for the predator to crawl back further with his heart stuck in his throat. And before he can figure out what demonic hell this creature had walked out from, he comes to discover another wave of fear when he sees a shadow behind it in between two trees. That shadow seems human. Human enough at the very least until he thought he was hallucinating that figure with gleaming green eyes. "Wh-who's there?!" the man's voice starts in a scream ends up in a squeak. "Get that ugly dog away from here!" The 'ugly dog' shifts from your side to take a few steps towards the bastard, metaphorically pinning him in between the roots of the trees he was sweating in. "Hey!" he shouted again at the shadow, "can't you hear me?!" You sit up, watching the creature slowly ready itself for attack mode. Turning around, you too are able to see a figure. It looks tall and is evidently clad in something heavy. Is that a sword in his hand? But that sword is not as concerning as those illuminated green pupils. "You son of a bitch! Get the fuck out of here before I stab you and your filthy farm ani-" "Rífa hann í sundur," is all you hear in a low hum from that figure's end one second. The next, there are growls and blood-curdling screams emerging from behind you; haunting enough to make you jump and curl up where you sit but never move your eyes away from that shadow that still stands as still as a rock. Tears still fall from your eyes; your legs pulled as close to your chest as possible. The screams continue to come out for a long time...long enough for you to notice a snowflake fall on your knee. More snowflakes come after the first one. And once the screams die down, you feel something brush your hands, almost making your heart fall out, only to realise that creature standing right behind you nudging at your ropes to gnaw your hands out of them. The adrenaline rush has diluted now. The pain and exhaustion that comes with it now lie heavy in your bones. Your eyes cannot take it anymore. But they still want to see that figure which now takes the liberty to walk out of the shadows underneath the clear light of the nearest moon. Your body is ready to fall but the creature provides some support to your lifeless limbs. Its fur feels so good on your cheeks. And that pale face coming to a stop in front of you feels almost angelic. Those green eyes are looking at you with both concern and judgment but what your brain registers first is the moonlight falling on those otherworldly cheekbones framed with clean braids. You want to keep looking at that face for a few more minutes. But there is only so much your wounded body can take before everything is a blur. . You have already hit deep slumber when the God comes to stand before you. He gets down on his knees to get a close look at your face buried in the hound's face.  "What do you think she's doing here, Agni?" Agni huffs and shifts enough to let the God have a better look at the face marred with wounds and bruises. A face that still looks so serene after putting up such a fight. The long pale fingers move those few strands of hair away that are blocking your features under the light of the moons. Calculations have already been done in that mind. What's left is to figure out whether to leave you here in the depth of the endless garden or... "Agni-" that voice commands with zero emotions, still studying your features- "call out for help. We are taking this one back to the camp."

[popculturebuffet]

Amphibia Weekly Season 3 Reviews: Fixing Frobo/Annsterminator: More Gay Best Friends, Robots,  Mental Breakdown Rooms and Explosions than we deserved.

Welcome back all you happy people. I’m jake and I review a lot of things, and one of those things is Amphibia every week from now until it wraps up.. whenever that’ll be. Probably mid-next year. Point is we still have a long way to go and i’m fine with that ride as Season 3 continues to prove time and time again it’s the series best and dissuade my doubts of the series ending. Gee I wonder what series is directly responsible for me worrying the final season will collapse in on itself despite building up to be something good up till that point?

Point is I have faith this series will end on a high and the journey there has been excellent, with this week adding to that journey as Polly blows up a lot of things, befriends some helpful lesbians, and nearly dies for the 80th time in her short life, while Anne is forced to come clean to her parents and outrun a robot whose trying to outrun a literal death clock, and finds out her mom did not handle her absence at all healthily. Throughout it all Jeff is the best and you can find out why under the cut. Full spoilers as always. 

Fixing Frobo: 

This is the one i’ve been waiting for as we get our giant mechanical Baby Boy back! Sorta.... it’s complicated. 

So after two or so weeks Anne has finally decided to introduce the Plantars to THE INTERNET! The Best and Worst of Man’s inventions. Also a depository for cute cat videos which is what our heroes decide to spend what had to be an hour on before an explosion interrupts their good time. 

Turns out Polly’s been hard at work trying to slap our boy Frobo back together. Also it turns out this is now 100% confirmed to be the same universe as Gravity falls,as there’s a stan bobbblehead in the Boonchuy Garage, one of the same ones on sale at the Mystery Shack for an amount of money i’m not aware of but is probably far more than the 10 cents he paid for it and defintely the most dangerous thing in a garage with a robot slapped together by a five year old using whatever she could find, including a washing machine (It better be an OLD washing machine because otherwise Mrs. B’s going to do an infantcide), some christmas lights and a battery taped to his face, because apparently she learned how to build a robot from the Red Green Show. Or from Stan himself, i’m sure he teaches a course that’s both pyramid scheme and a cult. 

Despite her family having.. reservations about the slapdash robot build by an infant with no engineering experince desperate to get her little brother and best friend back, polly plugs it in. It goes about as well as you’d expect, with Frobo laser visioning all over the place like Zack Snyder made this.. “Shudders at the thought”: he destroys jeff’s one of a kind game controller, and reveals to us Jeff is a gamer, good for you jeff. Let Jeff be proof you can hav eit all: a loving family, a successful resteraunt and still find time to kick children’s asses at mario kart online. Jeff is who I wish to be someday and who i’m upset i’m not already.  Where were we? Oh alright LASER BEAMS, which also go thorugh the roof, literally, and nearly hit Domino... whose on the roof for some reason. 

Anne understandably shuts this shit down on site and less understandably her, Hop Pop and Sprig all get her to promise to not bring Frobo back till they get back to Amphibia. She promises... but then naturally borrow’s Anne’s laptop to do research to do it anyway. We’ll get back to this main conflict later but it is incredibly well balanced. 

So Polly decides to do research instead, spending two hours doing robotics research that she outright admits she’ll never get back , hitting something of a dead end till she goes on (Insert Blatant Stand IN For Youtube Here) and after watching a Canadian talk abotu Darkwing Duck and Satan,  a guy in a hat talk about batman’s hatred of rock n roll, a guy with cool hair count murders, a british person talk about adaptations, a beatufiul tattooed lady talk about that time on murder she wrote people nearly died from clam chowder and a goofy blonde talk about a rapping pumpkin, she finds what she needs for her robro: A series of how to videos on robots by a duo of girlfriends, it’s left vauge but you know me, i already ship it, who make robots. I already want a spinoff for them. EDIT: Okay I was kinda dumb here: there was a lesbian flag next to the video, pan and bi flags in their room.... the crew did everything but say THEIR GAY without having then scream it at the audience, I simply didn’t notice till it was pointed out to me. It’s a fair enough thing to miss but I shoudl’ve done a double check to see if there were hints, i’m just so used to Disney not letting there be any remote indication characters are gay that I assumed they were hiding it as usual to get past the giant statue of mickey mouse what fires lazerbeams at creators that do openly gay content. Dana happens to have a laser proof vest Alex gave her for their anniversary. Really came in handy. 

 Polly watches their playlist on how to fix them, putting on an adorable outfit consisting of a backwards hat and overalls with her tail out there, which I honestly forgot she had as it’s much smaller now and it’s covered most of the time due to her standing now or using her disguise. 

So after what I assume to be a few days work until we get a proper timeline reminder again, Polly has not only learned how to build robots INCREDIBLY well, but has built a far more stable version of Frobo using the same parts as last time. She ends up hitting a dead end though as she can’t figure out why Frobo won’t turn on or what would get him to, so she hits up the girls directly via their webcam, which they naturally provided because their good ones. 

The IT Gals are Ally and @jess-the-vampire... no wait wrong jess. Sorry force of habit. She’s just a plain old jess. Their played by Melissa Villansenor and Dana Davis. The latter I know from ironically given the earlier gag, Star VS as Kelly, and she’s done other voice work since then , most notably Lonnie over in She Ra. The former I knew SOUNDED familiar but couldn't quite put a finger on it.  Melissa is on SNL, it’s first Latina Cast Member, but I know her better from Ok Ko where she played my girl Drupe, Potato, and Mega Football Baby, which for those not familiar with the show is an actual character someone thought up and it is glorious. Well the concept MFB himself is a douchebag. Or Douchebaby I guess. Point is their great here and it’s nice to see them pop up here. Hope that happens more often. 

The Gals are indeed as nice as they come off in their videos, which I do like.  It provides a nice ballance as the last youtuber character Disney had was ItchiBoi ove rin Big City Greens. And he was a necessary character, shwoing how douchebags like Logan Paul, who he was transparently modeled after, take advantage of children for money. But it’s also nice to show that plenty of content creators are nice, freindly people who just want to make stuff for people or help them out. 

The Gals give Polly the advice she needs: She simply needs a power source from a high functioning toy or something, and a creepy as hell bear that DEFINTELY has a serial killer’s soul in it that Anne tried to give Polly as a Pollycebo proves to be perfect. The gals caution polly NOT to turn him on in her garage though, as it could be dangerous, and offer to help her rent a space. Polly ignores this though as she don’t want to wait she just wants her son-brother-robot-pal back. 

But before she do Polly wants to go get the fam who are watching star wars, with Anne annoyed the guyzos like the prequels better than the original trilogy. Anne give them time, they’ve seen what... 5 or 6 movies probably with you? 10-20 tops given the timespan. I didn’t know better when I was sprig’s age either.  Though ironically my own nostalgia is the reason I probably don’t hate the prequels as much as most, even fi I acknowledge they have issues. 

Hop Pop is angry she defied him, and the others caution her against reviving him only for Polly to rightfully snap at them: She points out it’s cruel to essentially leave her best friend and surrogate little brother DEAD for however long it takes to get back home, to ignore her hard work she’s put into breaking him, and to ignore her feelings simply because it’s what THEY want to do. 

And this is why I waited: This argument and Polly’s actions just before it highlight how much thought the creators put into this: arguments are tricky in fiction and sometimes the person who SHOULD be right to the creators ends up being horribly wrong because they didn’t think it through, making one character throughly unsymapthetic. H

Here though it’s perfectly balanced: Pollly is ABSOLUTELY right about not waiting till they get back. Frobo isn’t just some giant shiny toy they use, he’s a sentient being who has been nothing but kind to them, nothing but sweet to his big sister, and who gave his LIFE saving Polly’s. She’s here because of him and wanting to return the favor is not a lot to ask. Not only that but while the episode dosne’t bring it up, they need all the allies they can get against andrias and even without a proper body, Frobo still provides tons of intel on how his bot’s work just by existing and fixing him could give them badly needed insight into how to shut down his evil brothers or possibly turn them against Andrias. He’s too noble, too useful, and too sweet to leave dead because you don’t wanna put in the effort to fix him. 

But while the rest of the fam are indeed wrong about doing nothing whatsoever, they still have a point: Frobo is dangerous and trying to just rebuild him and hope it works because she can’t wait to get him back is just going to get them all hurt or killed and keep blowing up Jeff’s stuff. And they love Jeff, who wouldn’t love jeff. The Gals provide the best ballanced counterpoint: Their fine with experimenting and what not, as any experinced engineer would be, it takes time to get it right and you have to protoype it to get there, but they want to do it in a safe controled enviorment and not right next to where they live. Sure they probably did some on camera with their pandabot.. but it’s a small robot they know thorughly well and is in  space they clearly set aside to work in.  Polly is trying to ressurect a super fighting robot in someone’s Car Hole. She needs to learn patience and do this right, but she’s still right to want to try at all. 

Polly however dosen’t listen to reason and reactivates Frobo. This creates problemns: It shorts out the house, just as Jeff is finishing a ten hour boss fight.... can relate just ask me about metroid dread good god, because the poor dude apparently can’t have the nice things he deserves. 

It also wakes up frobo.. but in factory settings so he wants to contact andrias instead and blasts off with Polly on his back, while the Plantars run outside. THE IT GIrls show up IRL as they were naturally worried about the small child clearly abotu to recklessly actviate a robot in her garage with no regards to her own safety. They don’t care she has a tail though, I can respect that. 

Polly begs for Frobo to listen to her and he ends up shorting out his jets, leading to them both about to die. Thankfully her tears cause his brain to spark and reignite his memores in a very touching montage. He remembers her and is back to normal and puts polly in his washing machine chest so she’ll be safe. God I love getting to write sentences like that for a living. 

Our brave hero dies.. again. Polly tearfully vows to rebuild him right and apologizes for rushing while the rest of the fam apologize for being insesntive.  Pollly does get a consolation prize though as while Frobo’s new body is dead, Frobo’s head is back online, so she has her friend back. And the IT Gals are more than happy to help Polly rebuild him the right way, with Polly showing off she realyl knows her stuff, her family going back to cats and Jeff being mad he has a crater in his lawn. Is it a crater jeff.. or is it a conversation pit? Think positively my guy I know you’ve had a rough day but you just got a new robot son and a conversation pit, take your wins where you can get them. 

Fixing Frobo is excellent. It uses Polly’s lack of restraint against her, creating a tearful and intresting conflict, brings us some more intresting supporting cast members and brings my boy back as an amazing screw on head. All in all another great episode in a great season. 

Annesterminator:

So we open up with a “look at my cool new shit” montage as The Annesterminator has replaced it’s broken parts, adding the shovel arm we saw in the trailer, a sawblade leg, and a NAILLLL GUNNNN TAILLL GUNNN

So he’s already to go try and kill a teenager again... only to get a call from Andrias. He apparently hasn’t checked in the whole time but it does make sense: The Annesterminator is a stealth robot designed to kill anne before anyone finds out about his invasion. If he keeps calling he runs the risk of calling the thing WHILE it’s killing anne or among humans. Not only that the whole point of using it instead of attending to this himself was that the Annesterminator would take care of the problem while Andrias focused on building his army and whatever horrible thing he does to marcy involving his master.

So naturally he’s not pleased the robot failed to get him the right book.. and more importantly has failed to kill anne in the span of two and a half weeks.  So being an evil dick, Andrias arms the robot’s hidden self distruct and gives them one hour to kill anne or literally die trying. He then signs off goofily

What I like about this scene is it shows off just how much of a strategest andrias is: Sure he’s doing the classic evil overlord schitck of murdering your minon for their failure.. but he’s doing it SMARTLY. He gave his minon plenty of time, accounting for it needing to use stealth to avoid tipping off. The annsterminator is a walking arsenal including razor claw, stretchy limbs and drones and can repair itself with enough time. He’s simply cutting his losses, realizing this model of bot just won’t due and he needs something stronger to kill Anne if she surivives this last attack. He’s not even wasting the Annsterminator either: he’s giving it one last chance in a way that can’t help but benefit andrias: if it wins and kills anne, than he gets what he wanted and said robot can be used again. If it looses.. then it’ll still likely be close enough to take out Anne in the ensuing explosion> Either way he has a pretty good chance of killing anne and the onlyt hing he looses is a minon that he can likely replace easily and whose proven unable to do it’s job. He’s also playing it smart by scraping this plan NOW while he still can: He knows Anne isn’t a threat YET, but she could easily become one and will be actively working to get back to punch him in his smug face again. So rather than simply waste time on a plan that isn’t working, he scraps it in a way that has no downside, then if she somehow surivives he can come up with something else while there’s still time. Ther’es a DAMN good reason why this guy has won so far and it’s not his sexy keith david voice.. though that does help. 

So back at the Boonchuy’s Frobo has now fully inegrated into the family, with Polly using him as a seat while both watch tv with the rest of the fam and Anne takes care of Chores. Her parents laud her for how far she’s come: no more lying or doctering report cards (Turns out they knew, which.. of course they did this is 2020, they can probably look that shit up online). She’s totally honest with them. 

Except for the whole evil king trying to murder her thing, which has Anne feeling super guilty in the kitchen.. and deciding to come clean. While the lie was justified at the time to protect the plantars she can’t lie forever. She’s hurt them enough just by disappearing. So she goes to tell them... and naturally AS picks this time to burst through the windows and chase them up the stairs, with the Boonchuy-Plantars taking refuge in the work out room.... which.. uhhh...

Yeah. I especially love everyone’s expression here. Anne just has a thousand yard stare, the plantars clearly can’t process this and Mr and Mrs B are like “Oh right the horrifying shrine to anne built out of grief” 

This is both heartbreaking and hilarious. Heartbreaking because obviously, Mrs. b didn’t take thd siappearnce well and instead made tons of creepy effigies of anne and what she could’ve become (a doctor a lawyer, a student at a good college... aka things that make Anne feel she’s REALLY not living up to expectations), and clearly having spent the last 5 months having a slow motion mental breakdown. It’s hilarious because of just how over the top it is, as well as the fact ther’es a plant one, which can’t help but remind me of the simpsons. 

Easily my faviorite scene in the entire show.. and  exactly what happened when Jeff found the FIRST shrub Anne. 

Anyways the Annsterminator is naturally not stopped by stairs and instead burts up.. but thankfully the other anne’s confuse it’s censor so the Boonchuy’s have time to offscreen teleport to the car leading to a car chase. 

It also leads to Anne’s parents rightfully asking what the junk baby girl? She dosen’t have time to explain as you know, car chase, and the most she can say is the king is mad at her. Hop Pop ONCE AGAIN does not help by not only mentoining she punched him, but also bringing up the fact they’ve seen the robot before and have been hiding it from them. Still the main focus is on the chase which is just gorgeous as Jeff proves to have some mad driving skills and Anne finds the perfect solution to hold the Annsterminator back. 

... using her gear in the back of the van to lob balls at him.. and also get criticized by her dad for her game being off. Jeff she’s being hunted by the frog version of skynet nows not the time to be a tennis dad. 

IT barely holds it off and leads to the Annsterminator going around the front.. .only for Jeff to RUN IT THE FUCK OVER. I haven’t said it yet so I shall: Jeff is a national treasure and we must protect him at all costs. God bless him.

So our heroes finally catch a break by hiding at the city dump trying to find a plan.. but before we can get to that we have to get to the painful scene we’ve all be dreading since we learned Anne was keeping True Colors a secret: Mrs. B confronting her over lying. Despite Jeff TRYING to get her to see that it’s likely more complicated, Mrs. B tears into her daughter for lying, feeling she hasn’t changed and not having full context as to WHY she’s being hunted, assuming (a bit unfairly) that she did something to honk off andrias that wasn’t trying to stop him from conquering the world. The most painful bit is she asks when she’ll stop being irresponsible... which results in a painful shout of “I don’t know!’ from Anne who breaks down, admittnig she’s sorry and that she was just trying to protect the plantars.. and still needs to and dosen’t know if she’ll EVER be the daughter Mrs. B ACTUALLY wants. The acting here is some of the series finest with Song and Braley both just doing their best. On continues to impress and I genuielly hope she takes up voice acting for more than her son’s show. She has a talent for it. 

But the robot’s a coming and whatever issues they have have to wait .. and Anne actually has a plan, asking her mom to craft more fake hers which she does INSANELY fast (It’s all about the rhythms baby”, god I love this woman), allowing our heroes to confuse the close to the end of it’s countdown annsterminator and ambush it, with anne usin ga stop sign on it before impaling the fucker> it dosen’t stop it btu Mrs. B pulling a NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH does , as she puts the hamme rdown and gives it hell, removing the rest of the annsterminators limbs. When asked if he’s suprised by this side of his wife, Jeff simply whispers no. 

So with that the dust has settled.... except oh right the bomb, which the robot is more than happy about. Thankfully Anne goes super sayian god super sayain again and for the first time INTENTIONALLY and chucks the thing into the sky, saving her family. She also passes out again. 

So we get the incredibly hearwarming wrap up: Hop Pop goes to bat for Anne saying she was just trying to protect them... only for Mrs. B to cut him off... she knows she was just trying to protect them and having calmed down now has likely processed things, realizing her daughter lied so her family could have a home, and that Mrs. B would do no less to protect her or jeff..... and warmly tells the rest of the plantars that whatever they and anne need to do, she and Jeff are with them and group hugs them, confirming what was already increasingly clear: their family, all of them. Jeff is bummed he dosen’t get in on the hug, poor jeff. 

More worryingly though the FBI has seen the robot on survilence and calls in the mysterious Mr. X to deal with the plantars. 

Annesterminator is a masterpiece: It’s got tight, breakneck pacing as our heros try desperatley to surivive, the drama we’ve known’s been coming and in s hort EVERYTHING that’s made season 3 an utter classic so far. Amphibia has gone from a very excellent show to one of the best on television and I can’t wait to see what’s next

What’s Next: The Plantars go to the movies, Anne’s Parents try to thwart Ru Paul, and Sprig has a birthday! 

Until next week thanks for reading. If you liked this review a lot follow for more, at least 4 a week including new amphibia reviews every week and if you want more content head over to my patreon

LINK RIGHT HERE

It has exclusive reviews, and 5 dollar patreons get a review a month but you can get everything for just one dollar a month. And if you enjoy my work consider joining my discord. 

LINK FOR DISCORD RIGHT HERE

[piper-williamson]

my hoa ranking of characters — least favorite to favorite

not all characters are on this list but the ones i felt like i could rank as of rn. there’s too many minor characters i don’t care for and it’s not that i particularly care for the others i just remembered them enough to rank.

~~~~~~~~~~

rufus — -70969943853/10

kidnapped patricia. and jerome. and trudy. willing to commit human sacrifice of a kid. threatened them with electric bees or whatever. have had nightmares about him. thrilled that bitch is dead

denby — -10/10

so threatening with her words but she’s all talk. no action. kinda makes me hate her more? but in a different way. storyline is so messy like how did she even find out harriet’s destiny and how did she then decide she wanted to awaken a >hundred year old man and basically a hell demon?? like girl just go work for donald trump or somethin

vera — -6/10

not as annoying as denby but still like what did she even want? to be with rufus? why?!?? creepy af the time she was frozen dead but like not.

mick — 1/10

just,,, there. all he does is be in love triangles and play the sports. half of his storylines are just him leaving. patricia says there’s a man in the house (rufus) and he eats a banana. n who gives their gf and “just a friend” matching bracelets?!? 1 point for not being evil.

victor — 1.5/10

as much as i wanna put him above mick, he yells too much. calm down old man. 1 point for caring for the kids enough to not carry on when he found out about the whole human sacrifice thing. also saving joy in s2. y’know what he gets half a point more than mick.

trudy — 4/10

trudy is heartwarming but holy shit is she oblivious. Is Just Ok with “robert smith” being there even when she has no confirmation of his identity. very loyal to the kids and does protect them from a lot of shit. writers did her dirty a lot of the time.

mara — 5/10

ok listen. i don’t dislike mara. i just tend to favor the sibuna mystery storylines, and all of her stories are more realistic scenarios. that being said i love her helping poppy and i also love the sisterhood thing in s3. but also mara why the FUCK would you fall for mick like he’s mick??!?

kt — 7/10

written into hoa way better than on shows like h2o where there’s just one sentence about emma being gone and that’s that. she wasn’t just nina’s replacement, she was her own person. love her personality and her friendship with eddie. 100% a lesbian. only reason she’s so low is cuz no matter how good she is of a replacement character she still kinda is one and i don’t do well with those. i’m working on it.

nina — 8/10

i love nina so much. fabina is so cute together. i think the only reason i have her so low and don’t wanna put her higher is cuz i always hate main characters, even though i don’t hate nina. my mind is strange.

amber — 8/10

dumb blonde stereotype but who cares i love her. provides much comic relief for me especially in s2. ping pong queen. also love her bday episode. ungrateful for alfie at times. also liked mick but it’s a little more understandable cuz Hot Guy cliche. but was also mean to mara about it. but also a lot of that was mick’s fault #blamemick

alfie — 8/10

class clown who’s loyal af. Actually completes amber’s bf trial list. would go through hell for her. always feeling like he has to prove himself to the group but he’s always been an asset. we love him.

willow — 8/10

was such a comfort character when i was little. for some reason rewatching she was less of one. still absolutely so pure of heart and lovable. somebody get this girl a hedgehog.

eddie — 9/10

cool dude™. top notch bf. peddie is one of my fav ships ever. he kinda gets all heroic in s3 but s3 has a whole set of issues. plot twist reveal of his daddy issues. great development while being a great character the whole time.

fabian — 9/10

such a solid dude. guy-falls-for-girl-first trope to the max. he’s awkward and nerdy but not really cocky or annoying. fabian defense squad for life. point off for kissing joy like dude besides the outfit she looks nothing like nina come on.

jerome — 9/10

terrible person at times, but great character. comfort character of mine. his flaws allowed him to be developed throughout the show. he feels very real and human and i love him.

piper - 10/10

obsessed w her cuz i’m also pretty similar to her. both of us go (went) to music school and love patricia. not that i think she’s a BETTER character than a lot of the characters lower on this list, but this is a ranking of my favs so she has to be above them.

joy — 10/10

also a comfort character. i honestly feel most like joy out of all the characters. similar to jerome in that her character flaws lead to richer development. i live for it. was Literally held hostage by her parents and forced into a cult in s1. most of anubis house seemed to just brush that off. that doesn’t excuse her actions, but i love her growth throughout the series. not higher cuz she was kind of a dick to nina for a long while.

patricia — 10000000000+++/10

again i wish there were an infinity symbol. do i even have to say anything? witty and sarcastic and says what’s on her mind. i wish i were eddie cuz i’m in love w her. i know amber’s the one who went to fashion school, but patricia is a style icon. my gay awakening.

[sometipsygnostalgic]

adventure time wizard city liveblog

 well here we go

my last adventure time liveblog, i havent actually done one of these in MANY years... probably not since 2014

this takes place at the same time as obsidian?

DID-- DID CHOOSE GOOSE JUST DIE

DID BUFO JUST KILL CHOOSE GOOSE

yeah i know that’s bufo, they only made it enormously obvious, tsk tsk

@spaceacepearl​ joked about us seeing choose goose get sent to hell but i diDNT EXPECT IT TO HAPPEN

This music is i assume by one of the many musical artists Adam Muto listed on twitter, it rocks. It’s not as hardcore as Obsidian’s intro, but it’s suitably chill for the scene. 

“get offa my bus kid”

Those wizards in the left and far right groups appear to be new! 

OH MY GOD--

HELP?????? NEW PROFILE PIC TIME

HAHAHAHAH

THE MUSICAL CON DID ME GOOD, I DID REALLY LOUD AUDIBLE LAUGHTER

i bet hanna and co had fun making these signs

my favourite is the cat with “FAMILIARS HAVE RIGHTS”

cadorka..... wow

We’re not even four minutes into the ep and peppermint butler has already killed someone in front of a large group of witnesses

“this smells of DARK MAGIC” “yall kids know thats illegal right” peps watches the other kids nod before later joining in, LOL

i cant believe pep started the great gum wars and got killed by golb

SOMEONE has been playing Overwatch... 

i-- i still cant believe choose goose is fucking dead

how long was he stuck in hell for, or was that recent to together again after new death showed up 

i have to admit im not a big fan of spader, too perfect, and not in that funny way either. i hope they give him some characteristics that make him stand out. 

im getting flashbacks to OK KO and Owl House here...

Cadebra using music is a reference to Abracadaniel’s love of interpretetive dance in Play Date. 

“they only laugh because youre different” “i know” “SO STOP BEING DIFFERENT” oh my god it’s like talking to my own parents cadebra is actually... a LOT like me, less in her hyperactivity but more in her nonchalant enthusiasm and almost acceptance of the inevitable bullying because it means more time in people’s consciousness

ahhh - it’s quietly revealed here that she is responsible and a skilled magician, she is just bored of magic! i like that she parents abracadaniel instead of being downtrodden by his ramblings. 

PEP NO--- oh i see the problem, he hasn’t got his Bug Milk... sorry Martin Olsen fans, no Hunson today. At least we get one more Phil Face for the road! 

candy people in their natural habitat

Ahhh that’s Doctor Calidoneus! The voice actor was at the recent Distant Lands panel alongside Pep and Blaine’s actors. 

“pretty sure hes just trashcandy” - i like you, sassy antler lady

the mystery of how he gets clothes

and once again spader is proving to be the most irritating distant lands character of the lot, there is no subversion here. where is the subversion?  

NANI

what is going on here? are pep and peppermint the same person or not? im sure they must be, but there is something going on here with peppermint butler’s soul being trapped in the body of his child self who hasn’t got the same memories. 

OH, HYNDEN WALCH DID A NEW LINE yes this is what im here for, special over 

peppermint butler cursed himself... of course he did - Shado was correct!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FUCK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

ROCK STUDENT, BLESSED ROCK STUDENT, WAS THAT POOR GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE A JAWBREAKER

love the reference to astral plane, of course pep cant astrally project because cursed pep is still inside of him 

wow, blaine, wow

they have a crush

LITTLE DUDE! COLE SANCHEZ!

i love the dynamic between cadebra and abracadaniel, imo so far it’s the heart of the special. im not really gripped by peppermint butler’s school troubles. i imagine someone else probably will be but i want to run past that shit as far as possible. 

TRDGFYGHJH

WE

WE MADE  A PREDICTION THAT WAS JUST LIKE THIS

PEPPERMINT BUTLER GETTING TURNED INTO THE FOUR COMPONENTS OF PEPPER MINT BUTT LURE WAS IN THE WIZARD CITY PREDICTIONS ART DRAW THAT HASNT BEEN POSTED YET

ILL SHOW YOU WHEN NICK POSTS THE VIDEO and then ill tell you who made the prediction because i... think it was nick himself, insanity 

who plagiarized finn’s signature???

turns out pep really DID take over wizard city!!!!

i love this band

i understand your pain peps

you probably have a bit too much in common with your mother, and i imagine it isn’t easy being turned into a kid and not being able to do stuff that came so easy. you’re disappointing yourself! (he’s literally disappointing himself)

I’m less than halfway through the special, what the fuck. I wasn’t wrong when I said Wizard City had a lot on its plate. It’s noit that I’ve been particularly gripped up to this point, though to be fair I didn’t pause at all during the other specials barring Obsidian. 

that... that poor kid is still a rock

and then the preview happened and bufo casually revealed to the audience that, yes, he killed choose goose

i dont know whats happening with pep but it seems he needs to be exorcised of... pep. which is a shame. i hope they learn to coexist. 

i have to say the background work in this special is really good! like, really damn good. 

WH

WHAT

DID SPADER JUST DIE

IS THIS WHY PEOPLE THINK PEPBUT KILLED HIM 

oh thats right - abracadaniel is cadebra’s uncle! this must be abracadniels sister. sorry, folks, he doesn’t fuck. 

Where are they? Is this anywhere near Wizard City? It’s an unpopulated prewar wasteland. 

THESE ARE JUST HUMANS

OF COURSE SHE WANTS TO PERFORM TO MILQUETOAST HUMANS

my child

is this an art style choice or did they get the people from that one studio to make this

HANNA FINALLY GETS TO FULFIL HER DREAM OF INSERTING KANEDA INTO ADVENTURE TIME

the red jacket he wears and his head pill shape is a big kaneda reference actually, which i suppose makes sense considering he’s a rival to our protagonist, but it’s a bit on the nose

bufo killed one of his own students? but why????

“MY UNCLE’S A COP”

“no one likes a rat”

i actually really like blaine, though im confused. did their VA change halfway through the special?

HOW NATURAL, NO WASTE, IT IS AN ENDLESS CHAIN

did doctor caledonius steal the trophy,,,? 

EVIL SNAIL EVIL SNAIL

MONMSTER HUNJTER DISCOVERY NOISE, this time it’s a tetsucabra

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I HAVE QUESTIONS

god i wish this is what this special was about, i miss adventure time

these remind me of the comics with their art style :) i wonder who designed them? the one on the right with pb and pep, in particular, very comics-y. 

fdgfhgf because he’s like 500

“pep can be kind of a jerk but he wouldn’t kill anyone”

sorry, cadebra, i have news for you

is doctor calednoius the true villain? if bufo’s out of the picture, she MUST be, 

ANTS

oh no, he might gbe stuck in wizard city :( 

HELP

the writing on the wall...

SPADER LITERALLY FUCKING DIED OH YM JESUS CHRIST

PEPPERMINT BUTLER’S OWN CULT????

THIS IS JUST OK KO NOW

okay im not surprised all the teachers at wizard city are cultists in worship of peps, maybe they killed spader and bufo because they bullied peps T_T

wait no, they thought spader had the potential, but sadly not

HE FUCKING KILLED HIMSELF

sorry, i was distracted by the pretty dope fight sequence and now the special is over????

fucking jesse, hes probably at least partly responsible for the cult nonsense

This credits art is by Maya Petersen!!!! Holy shit it’s adorable!

LRETGFDRGTFGMHGFHFG

LEAF MAN

DO YOU THINK THEY PUT HIM IN RETROSPECTIVELY

DO YOU THINK MAYA PETERSEN DREW THIS AND ADAM PUT IT IN THE EP RETROSPECTIVELY

HE LIVES

MAYBE THIS IS WHY CHOOSE GOOSE WENT TO HELL

okay, it’s over :) 

first thoughts out of the way: not a big fan of this special. it’s like watching a completely different show. it’s not got the PZSHAHH of the normal wizard city stuff and there weren’t a lot of funny jokes or even hearty moments in the thing. 

it suffers from a lack of invested character interactions, much like BMO did. there was not a single main cast member in the whole thing! and like i said before, much of peppermint butler’s character in the show is based on his very sweet relationship to his mother, princess bubblegum, so when they showed a single (hilarious) photo of them together it made me sad we didn’t get any scenes with them together. it would have STOLEN this episode. and they teased the hunson golf photo, and death!!! and jake appeared in a photo T_T last jake appearance. 

it also suffers because Peppermint Butler is clearly not himself, imo he was way more entertaining in the Together Again special, where we seem him back to his “normal” self. 

i dont think peps being a dark wizard was something to “kill off” exactly. i wonder what was going on there? was that actually peps, or was that a spirit he cursed himself with based on himself? we at least know in the future he does become a dark wizard again, and even princess :) this special didn’t answer those questions but lol. 

THE GOOD STUFF, because yes, there was a lot of good stuff! 

God, I’m with Aracle and Maya on this - I LOVE Cadebra and her relationship to Pep. I wish she was even in more of this - I would love to watch the adventures of Cadebra and Pepbut in their first year of school, like in the end credits.

That, imo, is where the heart of the special lay - Peppermint Butler’s attempts to impress himself, versus Cadebra’s self acceptance and desire to follow her dreams of being a goofy goober, no matter what other people thought of her. 

It turned out that Cadebra is a responsible student and family member. I really liked that. Her scenes with Abracadaniel were, somehow, my favourite in the entire special! 

I like that theres a lot of cool magic towards the end of this special, and a lot of HORRIFYING DEATH. It wouldn’t be adventure time if you didn’t randomly kill off child characters. Poor Spader, I hated you but damn, what a grim fate. 

I like that Bufo and Caledonius had this crush/hatred thing going on, but they were part of the same cult in the end. 

I didn’t like the giant peps scene at the end, the monster was extremely milquetoast compared to the madness we usually get in AT. Obsidian, for example, had the awesome Larvo design. Nemesis had some INSANE dark magic!!!!  I wish they drew more from that episode. 

Considering how much Steve Little appears in this special, I do feel bad for Mace (little Peps). He said he would have really benefitted from coaching, but recieved none. He had to re-record his lines 3 times! Judging from his description of events, Wizard City was a hard time for him. 

The wizard school did remind me, heavily, of both The Owl House and OK KO. Personally I was hoping AT would offer me something more insane, but I do love both of those shows, and I know Wizard City was on a really tight schedule. 

I think they should have spent less time on the school bullying plot, and skipped straight to MURDER. 

We did have a cold opening, not on par with Together Again’s at all, but damn!

I am wondering where I would put this in the watch list? I do think it should sit after Obsidian as the third special. The intro scene makes it clear this takes place at the same time as Obsidian!!!

Well, that was it, the last ep of AT for the next few years at least T_T

i think together again was the better finale, definitely. but wizard city feels pretty detached from AT for me, despite the familiar characters it tonally isn’t like the show other than the awesome brutal death scenes. I thought the last 11 minutes was easily the best in the special! Which, honestly, is how it should be, though I do wish it gripped me more. Maybe I’m just not the target audience for Wizard City? It feels like something I would find very compelling if I was a bit younger!