#I had to make it 2 paragraphs bc tumblr yelled at me.

[gopped]

so… remember when I said I wanted to create the most 2015 out of character most cringe fanfic about durgetash and I had that pole asking if I should actually write it (as well as some actual serious durgetash which I will.) well…. I did it. Any bad use of grammar/ spelling are 100% on purpose, this is not a serious fic aka please don’t think this is how I actually write.

enjoy 984 words of pure torture.

Hey my name is The Dark Urge but everyone calls me Durge for short. I’m really poggers and epic because I was born from the blood of Bhaal, yeah Bhaals my dad, suck on that posers. I have ivory-white scales and eyes the color of blood being splashed on the deepest of rubies. And I’m a storm sorcerer, studying to do magic is for losers! Plus I have this super cool slayer form that literally makes me so badass. As the true spawn of Bhaal you could say I have it all, I have a whole cult at my beck and call, all the different corpses I can eat… but there’s one thing I don’t have yet. There’s this one guy….. The chosen of Bane, we made like this pact thing that says I can’t harm him but it never said I couldn’t fuck him. And by the gods I will. I want him to be my shmoopie snuggluffagus cutie pookie patootie pudding muffin, but my dad is like a total buzz kill so I have to apologize for even thinking about putting a ring on that. Anyways his names Enver Gortash but he prefers for me to call him Enver because we’re close like that and I’m special and all that fun stuff. Plus I’m so much better that the depressed pile of dust and bones we also have to work with, ugh he’s such a boomer.

So here I am walking into Moonrise Towers so we can start discussing our super foolproof evil plans for how to take over the world. My super platform docs stomp against the stone steps to enter the tower, I glare at a few of the various subjects of other cults, idk which ones though, all I know is they’re not as cool as I am. Their probably posers and preps for all I know. But again, I don’t care. I make my grand entrance into the throne like room, doves flying behind me as light shines behind me, I’m just that important to like the world and stuff. I whip off my super cool angular anime sunglasses and I look around the room I see my pookie schmookie goth fantasy man boo-boo bear sugar goober standing off to the side and I see the old decaying grandpa corpse sitting on the big chair at the end of the room. Ugh, he’s the worst, and not even in a fun way, he won’t shut up about how his daughter doesn’t want to talk to him anymore and how he’s literally only here because of her, like how boring can a backstory get? He begins to speak. “Ah how nice of you to finally join us, you’re over an hour late.” He grumbles out, I swear theres like a moth living where his brain should be doesn’t he know that you have to be fashionably late? “Umm yeah.” I say, “that’s the point, what kind of nerd actually shows up on time.” I say rolling my perfect blood red eyes, making sure I show my sharp teeth as I scoff at him for extra effect. “Whatever, let’s just start the meeting already.” The reanimated corpse groans out, bones cracking as he repositions himself in his high chair. I cross my arms over my chest because I’m mysterious and awesome as the guy begins to speak, I don’t pay attention my sister is probably around here somewhere I’ll just ask her for the spark notes version. Gods I want to kill someone. Like I don’t have to, but I’m bored and it’s something I enjoy doing. Then I notice something in the corner of the room, while the old man goes on and on I go and investigate, the something I noticed was a cultist, not one of mine of course, they knew better. Upon further inspection, they don’t even seem to be a cultist, their robes look homemade with no reference to what they’re even supposed to be wearing. And they seem to be snooping around too, ugh it’s probably some Harper spy or something. Well, might as well get my kill count up while I’m here I guess… I approach them and before they could even begin to utter an excuse I shove my dagger in their mouth, dragging it against the roof of their mouth and tongue and pushing it down their throat. I watch with glee as the fear in their eyes gets worse as they start to choke on their own blood. I wiggle my blade, making the gashes in their mouth wider as I do so. I could stop there, but where’s the fun in that? I pull my dagger out to watch them cough and sputter out their own blood, uselessly clawing at their throat. Ugh, what a poser, I bet that even before I did that they wouldn’t be able to name 3 MCR songs.. I shove the spy onto the ground as they look up at me almost pleading with their eyes. Ugh it’s disgusting. So I take my dagger and I begin to hit them, it’s at this point I notice that the boring guy stopped speaking and the room was silent except for the occasional blood gurgle. I pull out the persons intestines and that’s when Gorts and my eyes meet across the room. It’s like so romantic like I swear someone casted like stop time or something… him and his pepsi dark eyes… I tuck some of the blood around my tympanum, gods he’s like so hot. Like the hottest I’ve seen in my 40 years of dreadful existence. Then he walks over to me and my heart goes doki doki he knees beside me on the other side of the now corpse and we start making out. No lips no tongue, all teeth. And then we took control of the netherbrain and got married.

The end.

[sardonic-sprite]

I'm Back!

Wow, so Lent is over now, so my tumblr fast is also over and I'm still a little in shock, lol. I had hoped the past six weeks? I don't know, Time is weird, would be more productive but at least I got SOME stuff written/posted. Anyway, I have one more month of school and then fucking FINALS so expect sporadic updates at idiot-o-clock hours of the night, and maybe yell at me to sleep, eat, study, or drink water whenever i do post 😅

I am up to SO EFFING MANY wips rn on so many different fronts you guys have no freaking idea 😭 so here's a status report for EVERYTHING on or going on sardonic_sprite. (Its gonna be a monster post, y'all, bear with me)

in absolutely no particular order:

Wayne4Ham: We have a LONG way to go with this one, so just be patient and I'll slowly but steadily plug on through. Aaron Burr, Sir, should theoretically take me no longer than end of april

Wayne-Crazy: there's like 4 specific requests on it, plus a few 'series' i started, but after those, say 6-7, i'll probably mark as complete and only re-open if someone offers me an idea

Batman Beginners: i'll tell y'all up front, this one will take me forever. i don't even know what all I intend to cover, but know that i'm halfway done with the DITF arc, and it'll probably come out in the next two months

Just A Kid: this was my shits-and-giggles fic that got like 3000 notes in a weekend lmao. it's something i do intend to continue bc its so fun and i enjoy the concepts in it, but i don't have plans to actively write more of it in the immediate future.

Rev Wayne: just gave y'all Jason's fic, so the next probably won't come until late in summer, extrapolating from my few data points. if anyone has ideas for timmy's intro, let me know, i'd love some inspiration

Celeb Batwaynes: reported separate from wayne-crazy for reasons. i think theres like 12 specific requests plus 2 ideas of my own. i may put out a poll for the next one to write, but not until after school's out, because these fics are HUGE time-eaters for me. speaking of, are non-tumblr-users able to vote on polls?

Welcome to Gotham U: this was again, me doing shit bc why not. will probably add more in the style that i first posted, but i doubt i will write any prose for it. if you would like to give it a try, please reach out, i'd love to see what you write!

One Diamond: every time i touch this i make the cliffhanger worse lmao. i finally do have a direction, but execution is gonna have to wait a while.

The Young, Innocent, and Righteous: this is mostly just for me anyway, but i'm just gonna say that i'm waiting until i finish watching miraculous season 5 before i go any further

AS you wish: i have 5 more requests to do and i am so sorry to everyone waiting you do not deserve this lmao. i promise im trying, i love your ideas, it just takes me a really long time to fill in the rest and then actually write it. the next one on my list is particularly hard to pin down and so it's halting the ones behind it to. if not before, then after finals i will sit and bang my head on the keyboard until something good comes out

Light Isn't Fadin': soooooo many people have asked me about this one oof. SOMEDAY, i swear. right now its a huge, nebulous, hulking monster and im sorry it's just not happening yet.

A christmas carol: wait until december. please

Father's Day: june.

A Little Problem: over the summer, i will watch marvel movies until they once again hijack my brain and fuel this to completion. maybe.

easter eggs: how the fuck did i forget this lmao. i'm doing as much as i can in april, but when the month is done, i'm sorry, we'll all be waiting until next lenten season. hopefully it won't come to that.

aaaaand i THINK that's finally it. there's also a bunch of random paragraphs in word and google docs that may appear, not to mention ideas that kidnap me in dark alleys. but i also have like a good half dozen other wips for other places that im trying to attend to, so please be forgiving if it seems like its taking a while to post something as sprite.

as always, i love questions, comments, concerns, even some complaints, so feel free to interact.

See ya when I see ya!

sprite

[pcytons]

i got distracted but i made it!! & thats the story of my life. im ali, im stuck over here in pst, i use she/her pronouns and the love of my life is a 4 year old pitbull. my hobbies include spending too much $ on concerts and listening to the same songs over and over again all day,i used to have a job but thanks to corona, i dont. and just like a mega disclaimer before i continue to speak: i’m a lil rp rusty, it’s been a minute since i was on a tumblr dash so if i do things like soooo 2016 just yell at me, please. im ready for it. and i also made a mess of my page and completely rambled but give it time, you’ll come to learn that’s just my MO! anyways im not anxious about this at all!!! i am so so excited to write and plot with all of you and make the village the best fake tv show netflix never made!!!!

and to the important things, time to learn about payton, she’s great but im biased. pls love us

( zoey deutch, female, she/her, MUSE G ) — oh my god, i totally just saw PAYTON JAMES HARLOW walking through greenwich village! you know, she plays HARPER HAYES on that new netflix show, the village? i can’t believe they’re already famous at TWENTY-FOUR. i’ve watched all of their interviews, and they totally come off as IMPETUOUS and RETICENT, but they can also be PASSIONATE and LION-HEARTED. based on their social media, i’d describe PAYTON like (laughing in the rain, caramel iced coffee, pasta pasta pasta, mango white claws and midnight blunts) — totally makes sense that people call them THE HALCYON.

to be short, acting is payton’s life. it’s because of the way she was raised and the influence her father had on her, it’s all she’s ever known. so below is a short family background for her, im gonna link the longer version if ur bored. all the links are below the bullets and the most important one will be the first one, that’s got her main personality in it, i was gonna copy & paste but its easier on the blog! i hope. 

(tw in 1st&2nd paragraph, suicide & addiction )

her father was an uber famous method actor, primarily in the 2000s (think like christian bale when the dark knight was coming out but like…ironically more private and a little odd and like triple the dedication to method acting) due to likely psychosis and drug abuse, he took his own life a few months before payton turned 13.

her mother was a previous sitcom co-star of her fathers in his early years, they got married young and due to her fathers lack of normal emotion and the fact that he was never around, she took the housewife life for what is was and spends her days nursing a pill popping addiction.

payton & her 2 older brothers were homeschooled growing up bc her dad wanted the family kept as private as possible and basically hated hollywood for the fame side and was only interested in acting as an art. the kids each had a private tutor and private acting coach and would split the day between regular school & film/acting study.

the only time she saw her father as a kid was when he was home and in character preparing for a new role, its a big reason he made sure his kids were well versed in acting bc they could help him fall into character by interacting with him around the house. payton has a super warped sense of family bc of all this, she never actually knew her dad for like who he was and the almost aggressive way she was raised around film made her the dedicated actress she is today.

after her father died, in attempt to distance themselves from the media's sudden interest in them, payton & her brothers each took their middle name as their last name and started real school. payton went to harvard-westlake in la and later attended cal institute of arts. she basically fell in love with acting when she was a lil peanut and the desire to succeed in the most completive industry like ever became her only goal.

payton in a nutshell. extended family background. full character bio. quick stats.

wanted connections. filmography. all about harper.

[noecat]

tumblr crushes challenge!

in which you post your own favorite blogs to spread positivity and get your amazing blogger-friends some more followers!

tagged by @kizunah (im lov u) n @hazelnatcoffee (ive not stopped sobbing since i saw u tag me aksdjf thank u sm <3) !! ✨✨✨

aksdjf normally i dont even do these but im takin th opportunity to scream abt how much i lov mariam so !! :D enjoy

ive tagged @kizunah, @hazelnatcoffee, @hinamie, @sftae, @geminest, @belovedsheith, @phoapostrophes, @gansaey, @hcseokie, @dotingdamen, @kattenprinsen and non-mutual but very admired @d-a-z-a-i and @novocaine-sea​!! (also the ultimate tumblr crush otasucc whomst im not tagging bc im scared)

i will yell abt these ppl and how much i lov them under cut so as to avoid a 50 page long post :’D 💕

mariam @kizunah: iv no idea how u managed to go from ‘vaguely intimidating incredibly talented writer i look up to’ to ‘incredibly talented writer i look up to tht sends me memes at 3am and has made me fall in lov w two (2) soft pining bois’ so fast but.....u did tht......now our chat is th first thing i check when i wake up in th morning it’s the Start To My Day i hope u r happy..... follow mariam for solid pastel aesthetic and hauntingly beautiful writing tht will give u heartbreak by proxy !! 💕

grayson @hazelnatcoffee: i am tagging u Right Back bc,,,solid tumblr crush material,,,,on one hand i am rly honored u follow this mess, on the other hand im just !! u are such a talented writer !! and such a talented artist ??? ur ability to communicate sof sheith feels in both mediums to such devastating effect slays me 10/10 a Must Follow 💕

hina @hinamie: u kno how kurapika was like. ‘when im in this mode im a master of every single nen category’ ?? thts u. except thts u all th time. killer sense of humor and an incredible (understatement...) artist and so pretty i cld die and flawless taste in memes and th capacity to create OCs tht snatch my heart n soul n wig all in one (very basardous) move?? thts u!! how do u do that!! thank u sm for not judging me for thirsting after clowns n also ,,, a must-follow 4 anyone who likes quality 💕

pauline @sftae: i know you’re on hiatus now and thus unlikely to see this anytime soon,,,,,, but it wld feel Wrong to make any kind of crushes post without mentioning u, resident itachi lover, whomse made me laugh sm and gave me some of the probably Best conversations ive had on this site....im so sorry for stealing ur husband (it was Deserved) and i hope u are doing good out there off this hellsite (note how i didnt even mention the fact tht u are a creator yet bc i was too busy crying abt how much i lov talking to u but !! holy shit u also make Quality Content and im both crying and intimidated how is every mutual i have so talented at making things) 💕

nastya @geminest​: bi russian solidarity & prettiest pinkest pastel blog in the universe?? a whole music Genius whomse is fluent in multiple languages?? im going 2 stop typing now bc i Know i wont b able to stop after just one paragraph so im sorry tht this is going to b so short but,,,,,,,,th most quality Soft Kpop blog n distinguished iu stan, thts u 💕

mei @belovedsheith: the sweetest most positive talented writer in th vld fandom?? u!! your blog is an oasis in the sea of drama and discourse that is tumblr generally, and i really admire the compassion you show everyone and your dedication to only giving love back even when people are undeservedly rude or condescending. it takes a lot of strength to do that and i just *clenches fist* rly adore your personality and humility (esp given how you’re scarily good with words and also ur theme....god tier) 💕

pho @phoapostrophes: aksdjf it’s really .... been a while .,,.. since we talked on a personal lvl, but!! anytime i see you on my dash i get rly excited because you always reblog the best things, the best memes and the best literary things and the funniest comics...,, your sense of humor is on point and i dont know where you manage to curate such Quality Content from but im rly living for it !! 💕

nicki @gansaey​: thank u sm,,,,4 watering my crops,,,,feeding me tht good good trc food,,,,no lie i follow like maybe two (2) trc blogs n life is a whole struggle, and also!! i adore your aesthetic, and how it’s perfectly coherent from your theme to your posts...n also i love your avatar and your creations !! :’’D u have a rly rly strong sense of The Ae and tht glows in everything u put out  💕

mia @hcseokie​: hello cowboy basard whats up it’s me n i ,,,, lov u,,,,,possibly th hottest prettiest person on this hellsite w an incredible personality 2 match,,,,you have a killer sense of humour and are a really sweet person to talk to, and i really really wish you all the best and brightest things in the universe!! a tumblr crushes post isnt complete without u :’’)  💕

eve @dotingdamen​: we only talked like once which is an whole federal crime in my opinion askdjf but !! most treasured most quality yoi/captive prince/astrology mutual,,,, mostly i am very intimidated bc you look ethereal and also your writing like. im not even in those fandoms anymore but am i going to go and reread everything th moment i finish typing up this monster of a post?? u bet!! 💕

taavi @kattenprinsen​: father i am very sorry for disappointing u w frightening regularity,,,,i still rmbr when u first followed me and i screamed bc tht was like the ultimate Senpai Noticed Me moment??? honestly tht senpai-noticed-me feeling never rly faded and tht makes u the perfect candidate for a tumblr crushes post :’’’) you could probably create an entire universe w words alone--and do--n ur Powerfully Aesthetic Aesthetic makes my kokoro go doki doki,, i hope i become more like u someday!! 💕

chris @d-a-z-a-i​: kasjf the Very First blog i found after i one-shotted the entire bsd anime and was left crying over dazai,,, pretty much 90% of the best anime content i see on my dash is either reblogged from u or reblogged by u so thank u fr the food!! :’’D 💕

aja @novocaine-sea​: u once left a comment on my shitty jjbek crackfic and thts probably the most accomplished ive ever felt in my life ever,,, like it might sound cheesy but it’s one of those little moments ill carry w me forever on my writing journey? being complimented by someone as talented as you really stuck w me;; tht said, im going to go binge read your entire hq/free! tag at soonest opportunity :’’’) the things you write are 1000% up my alley nd im so ready!! 💕

lia otasucc: an inspiring person on all levels; someone ive been following since the early (yoi) days and who has not once since then been anything less than the brightest light in the fandom. i dont even go here, but im very glad you exist and motivate everyone around you to be better people as well :’D words r hard and the way you flawlessly wield yours, be it in spicy memes or cutting sarcasm, is both terrifying and moving,,, we are all lucky to have u!! 💕

[theday]

☔️ i lov u!

its long but its 3 paragrpahs of shit and me going what the hell am i writing every 2 lines sorry el one day ill do a better one

send me ☔ and ill tell u what kinda weather u remind me of!!

id say!!! a light drizzle while the sky is clear and the sun’s hiding in between the clouds but its still There?? u know so its bright but theres just this drizzle and the actual feeling sucks bc its so Humid but theory wise or some shit idk english its like!!!!!!!!!!! u can be Both............. god i dont have enough english? vocabulary? literacy ? for this ask who am i gghssdj back 2 this lmaodhdsgh fuk ok sO im saying ur a light drizzle while its still Clear And Bright outside bc ur always!!!!! u love people? now all of this is just an observation obviously and ill always bring up that one time i sent u 7 asks as to why i love mx dhjsghgdh bc it was our first interaction but u like?? listening? u love ur friends? and ur always!! looking for ways to interact with ur followers/mutuals and ofchfhd i dont actually Know? so i could b wronghdhg but i think youre a loving person? thats why ur bright but its in the little ways??? you love a lot of people/things (fish) and i like seeing that?? you express it a lot too but its ? in an obvious way i mean its Not Loud? of course u make posts and stuff! but i see a lot of ur love in how u go on mh/kh spams and those r great love them ! its the little things so ur like the sun... hidden behind clouds?? u kno... u dont? its okie me neither jhdhshgh also ur rly fucking funny but no one seems to notice like hello. el comedy legend...? (this is where the mess begins) for the drizzle part ofc i cant say for sure again since its ur life but from what ive seen there are times u get a little down? and thats fine! its normal to feel stuffghd and like!!!!!! id say light drizzle because to me,,, i think ur trying ur best?? youre doing a great job in my opinion even if you think you arent doing anything at all,,, idk maybe hfggshg maybe not dhggdsbut i apprecitae u for sticking around not necessarily with me as my friend but just around. here. on earth on tumblr . sticking around in a sense that??? ur !! Herefhgsghhfgg fucc... this is tough to explain but u knowfhhdggshsj this could come off as offensive and i know everyone has troubles deeper than what we can see but i say light rain bc um. fhjfgdhs my brain is having a meltdown wait let me just say this first i think its good that u talk abt ur troubles here even if. its like. not all of it. because its good to Vent somewhere and!!! im proud of u for talking abt it!!!! im not gonna say ur a light rain bc ur not. like sad or anything bc obviously i dont know that but bc ????? urfhjhd easy on the eyes? this is deviating completely from my original point but at tfhjdhjs jesus christ let me start another paragraph

OK OK u can wipe that drizzle part from above completely from ur memory but thats what i was thinking regardless of weather or whatever i love ur doing amazing el next. (i feel like mx when they had to describe their members in weathers. more specifically i feel like hyungwon who forgot everything)

drizzle!!!!!!!!!! u remind me of a drizzle because ur light not like physically fjhsgh but like!!! oH AND NOT because ur like see through or just invisible no its bc ur always HEre?????? like i see u around and stuff  ofc i follow u but!! like i always see u be it ur text posts or when u rb something or when ur answering asks idk ur just around????? just hanging about constantly and i like seeing u!!! this is admittedly a bunch of shit now what do i do.......... im cryign im sorry this is cancelled but everything i said is true i love seeing u i love seeing u talk to people i love u!!!!! god helpme im sorry this is a mess ill do this again like7 years later where im not 16 and lacking words. id say easy on the eyes is the best reason? like u. ur nice to look at its nice to see you around like i mentioned previously imdhgdghsgdhgdh im yelling u dont have 2 look at this el i love fufgfhd

[kevystel]

2, 4, 8, 14, 19, 34, 38, 40, 46, 47

(ask meme)

2. Where is your favorite place to write?

i can’t do anything in public bc it feels so exposed. i envy people who can write in cafés or libraries etc. mostly i stay in my living room or bedroom and it’s nice to write in bed

4. Do you have any writing habits/rituals?

i can’t do anything without music. i’m pretty happy with the general yoi playlist i’ve got rn on spotify and a few specific ones on 8tracks, but pls send me songs that remind you of yoi i’m hungry for new music recs

8. Do you have any writing buddies or critique partners?

no, the first time i ever had a beta was for katsudonbang (when having a beta was mandatory) and the thought was mildly terrifying but it worked out ok!

14. What does it take for you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or pinterest board? wing it?)

playlist!! playlists. my earphones are probably the most precious item i have. if i forget and leave the house without them i’m Incomplete for the rest of the day

19. How do you cope with writer’s block?

i yell a lot, then i procrastinate. this is why the last two things i did (for yoi white day exchange and the minibang) were things with deadlines on them so i could force myself to write

34. Unpopular writing thoughts/opinions?

i don’t care how funny or technically well-written a fic is if i feel it’s ooc. i have read a lot of fics that were GOOD but i didn’t agree with their characterisation so i hit the back button

38. How do you nail voice in your books?

flattered that you think i can do this! hmm. i think i get a better understanding of characters by comparing them to each other. my experience is very limited - i’ve only done viktor, yuuri and phichit so far, and out of the three i think phichit is the most reliable as a third-person narrator, and yuuri is ofc the most unreliable. viktor’s more objectively Right than yuuri, and less snarky. viktor DOES things out of spite but he doesn’t think in sass, imo. yuuri meanwhile is very tired and tiring and climbing all over himself and running internal circles of self-deprecation. he is kind of wryly aware that his self-esteem is unhealthily low, yet not self-aware enough to see the truth of how things are. and when he pumps himself up (little motivational speeches in his head, etc) he’s SUPER DRAMATIC ABOUT IT. yuuri’s Important Lines, for me, tend to be stand-alones (after and before paragraph breaks) for maximum impact, or he swings to the other extreme and hides his big realisations at the ends of bigger paragraphs as if he’s afraid they’ll be stolen from him. there is a lot of sentence length variation for yuuri. viktor thinks in longer, more uniform paragraphs of action flowing into action into speech into thought

obviously these are all just my opinions and they come off the top of my head, i haven’t actively sat down and thought about this much

40. Do you look up to any of your writer buddies?

yes!!! i always appreciate you for your characterisation thoughts which are super valuable, and @kixboxer for her dryly funny pacing and way with words (i’m still hung up on ‘yuuri loses his last fuck’), and @queerryouta‘s v deadpan humour - like, the characters aren’t sarcastic, but the story is. @fireblazie has this distinctively cute style that makes me smile bc i can instantly recognise it, and @lazulisong has such lush turns of phrase

46. Past or present tense?

i’m not sure i can even write in past tense. the last time i tried was for that tiny tumblr kidfic prompt which turned into a harry potter epilogue parody, solely because i wanted to use the line ‘viktor’s receding hairline had not pained him for nineteen years. all was well’

47. Single or dual/multi POV?

i think pov switching needs to serve a purpose, like showing the gaps in each character’s narration so they fill in for/disprove one another and we as readers kind of laugh at them from the audience seats. multiple pov fics are a little more ambitious than single pov ones