#my man just doesn't talk about anything. to anyone. ever. at all.
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So i had a convo on divine discord (mostly with @toobytoobs) and I decided to make it into a post
Here are some pictures for context on how it because ya'll are gonna need it
Then there is some more stuff about the Leauge worrying about Billy and then there is a mention of Freddy storming into the Watchtower and berating the league for breaking Billys arm
And that's how we got here
Freddy: how DARE you, brake my baby brothers arm
Clark: wait, you're Captains older brother? Does that mean that the Wizard created you before him?
Freddy "ready to stir shit up" Freeman: huh? Oh yeah but I was sort of a failed experiment because of my bad leg
Bruce: experiment?
Freddy: yeah, now tell me how did you find out about the wizard
Diana: we got Captian drunk and he just started babbling about everything
Freddy: excuse you got him drunk? Sigh ok i'm kinda angry since he's my responsibility, it doesn't matter that i'm only a few months older than him
Barry: you're older only by a few months?
Freddy: yeah I am, is it really that surprising? I watched that giant grow up from the beggining and let me tell you he was hopeless couldn't even walk properly, even I walked better than him and my leg is bummed
Bruce: hm, really?
Freddy: yup, the first year was rather rough since I had to teach him everything because that stupid wizard decided to die before he could do anything
The JL: mild concern
Freddy: he also had the audacity to die right in front of Billy
J'onn: Billy?
Freddy: oh yeah, we didn't really have names for a long time at first, when we met some humans for the first time we decided to give ourselves a name, he chose William
The leauge is very concerned about the no name thing, what kind of parent doesn't name their children
Freddy mentions their sister and how she got kidnapped which made the leauge belive that the wizard did not care about her and just wanted a champion, hence why he made Freddy but he came out a "dud", and that's why Cap exists
Freddy completely forgot about what he did and is completely oblivious to what he caused
At some point Cap mentions the wizard in a present tense and confuses the JL
He explains that his ghost just hangs around the rock of eternity but is not helpful at all which makes the league want to punch the wizard even more
Captian says that he's just happy that he talks to him because he just ignores Freddys and Marys existance, that makes the leauge belive that he just ignored Freddys existance during the first few months of his life
At some point they start to belive that Mary wasn't ever kidnapped, just discarded to the side because the wizard believed she was defective
When the Leauge finally meets Mary they ask her about the Wizard, she has no idea who they're talking about
It leads them to believe that the wizard got rid of her before she even developed conciousenes
After they explain to her who they are talking about she finally gets it, she tells them how she doesn't really know him but Freddy seems to not like him
The leauge is seriously concerned for their friend and his siblings
Once they ask Captian if the wizard is his father (just to confirm some things) he answers no, that just because that man gave him his powers and brought meaning to his life doesn't mean that that's his father. They ask Freddy the same thing, he just looks at them with disgust, they ask Mary too, she looks at them like they're stupid
They really want to punch that wizard now because how much of a terrible father must you be that not a single one of your kids considers you their parent
This post doesn't do justice to the entire convo so to anyone who's on the divine discord I advise going to the writting channel and scrolling back a bit, there is a message connected to one of the first messages of this whole thing (and trust me there is a lot)
#billy batson#freddy freeman#mary bromfield#mary batson#justice league#bruce wayne#clark kent#diana prince#j'onn j'onzz#shazam#dc captain marvel#captian Marvel junior#mary marvel#superman#batman#wonder Woman#barry allen#the flash#martian manhunter#dc#dcu#dc prompt#misunderstandings#there is much more on the discord server belive me
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PAC ⭒ what’s going on in your future spouse’s love life right now?
reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit.
BOOK A READING WITH ME · LINKTREE · 18+ PATREON · TIPS ♡ tips, bookings, and feedback are highly appreciated!
GROUP ONE
cards pulled · king of cups, king of pentacles, judgement (reversed), page of pentacles, queen of swords.
channelled songs · god only knows - mono by the beach boys. dead to me by kali uchis. already by beyoncé. crybaby by mariah carey & snoop dogg.
my dear group one ♡ right now, your future spouse may be experimenting with their sexuality and their gender identity/gender expression.
they may currently be in a same-sex relationship. or presenting themselves different from how they used to present themselves -- different name, different fashion, different style of makeup. or they may just be at a point where they will date or sleep with just about anyone who shows an interest in them.
they are really leaning into having fun and enjoying themselves, without committing to anyone or anything. they are trying to find themselves and understand who they are as a person.
GROUP TWO
cards pulled · ten of wands, knight of pentacles, three of pentacles, king of wands, ace of pentacles.
channelled songs · megaverse by stray kids. you by yu bin. life is still going on by nct dream. creepin’ by metro boomin’.
my dear group two ♡ the words “situationship so bad i had to reconnect with nature” immediately came to mind. so your future spouse may have recently ended a relationship, and is going through a break-up. .while they may have this urge to wallow, they are refusing to do so.
instead, your future spouse is picking up hobbies and getting into new activities. they are going hiking. they are foraging and gardening. they are applying to jobs, or focusing on career or their academics. they are doing anything to get their life in order and to get their mind off this relationship -- and to get their mind off this person. and how this person hurt them, likely by cheating on them.
GROUP THREE
cards pulled · ten of swords, temperance, nine of swords, the hanged man, two of swords.
channelled songs · mi gente - homecoming live by beyoncé & j balvin. dilemme (with tha supreme) by lous and the yakuza. do it by chloe x halle. money trees by kendrick lamar.
my dear group three ♡ your future spouse is going through some hits and misses in love. they are in and out of a lot of short-term relationships. they are going through a lot of talking stages. they are going on soooo many first dates.
but, despite it all, nothing goes very far. nothing seems to stick.
their current circumstances make your future spouse wonder if they will ever be loved or ever have the romance that they not only desire but dream of. because of this, they may end up in a bad relationship (that is toxic, unhealthy, or just simply boring and unfulfilling) because they feel as if this is their last chance at love. or because they are too afraid that they are getting too old for love, and especially for the love that they want.
GROUP FOUR
cards pulled · the star, ten of wands, three of wands, the lovers, six of wands.
channelled songs · start it up by alex mali. race against time part 2 by tank & ja rule. hiroshima by lous and the yakuza. love language by sza. what it is by amy winehouse.
my dear group four ♡ your future spouse is soooo in love. like just so, so, soooooo in love, at the moment, with the person they are currently in relationship with.
this relationship may be one with you or it may be a relationship with someone else, but whoever this is, your future spouse truly feels as if this is the love of their life. for some, like i said, this is may be a relationship with you, while for others it may be that you will be your future spouse’s second (or even third) marriage.
but, right now, your future spouse is planning the rest of their life with this person. they may be planning an engagement or planning for a baby. in general, they are so excited to start their life with this person!
#**#tarot#pick a card#pac#tarotblr#tarotonline#tarotcommunity#tarotcreator#witchblr#witch of color#divination#channelled messages#channeled messages#spiritualism#spirituality
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Hiiii, so this is a call for some help with a video I have in the works right now.
I am looking for a Latinx volunteer to... I guess sensitivity read and/or help me fine-tune a very specific part of a youtube video script. Preferably someone in the Ace Attorney fandom, but you do not need to be by any means--if there are any plot details you need me to explain to you to make my points clearer, my autistic ass will jump at the opportunity.
It's a misconception debunking video with a little 'character assassination' bit at the end where I plan on talking about unfortunate boxes, flanderizations, and stereotypes that some of the characters in my favourite visual novel often get lumped into. One of these characters is Diego Armando, a Latino (dark skinned Japanese in the original) man who is constantly held to higher scrutiny by the fandom than his lightskinned peers. He is frequently demonized, painted as a misogynistic scumbag, held in much worse faith than other culprits for his very understandable and sympathetic wrongdoing, and overall just treated incredibly harsh for things that other comparable characters get away with on account of them 'looking' white and having more anglicized names.
Since I am white myself I do not plan on speaking excessively about the experience when it is not my own but I think it is a huge fucking disservice to not focus on the fact that this fandom treatment all just stems from racism. It's the one part of my video where I don't plan on even entertaining "the other side" or explaining where the misinterpretation "comes from" I want to just. Make the point. That it's racism, with no rhyme or reason.
But I obviously don't feel qualified to just do that on my own so this is just me putting out feelers to ask if anyone would like to read over this part of my script for me, offer concrit (scalding concrit if you must, please, I want it to be as tight as possible) and basically just make sure my own white privilege doesn't gloss over, misrepresent, or miss anything. Basically just asking for help not fucking it up.
Again you do not have to be into AA to help me with this, I can tell you all about the character and what he does and doesn't do, his place in the story, and the things I hear about him in fandom and how they don't hold up on other comparable characters. Just know I will have to spoil the whole final game for you if you ever plan on getting into it haha. And, once again, please only volunteer if you are Latinx yourself.
I will, of course, give you full credit and thanks in my video and in the description, and link my viewers to any and all platforms if you'd like. Since I make no money off youtube and am horrendously broke myself, if you have any donation links posted anywhere I will boost the hell out of those too. That's about all I can offer for compensation OTL
Please contact me via ask if this is something you're interested in. You can also reply on this post and I can open DMs for you or get in touch with you via email or discord. I really, really, really want to include this in the video but I want to do it right.
Even if you're not someone who qualifies, if you are an AA blog or have lots of AA blogs following you, I'd appreciate a reblog to boost this! Thank you :3
#wordy wendy#pwaa#ace attorney#diego armando#prosecutor godot#aa godot#ace attorney godot#if you want to know what kind of stuff i make: i'm wendy rocket on youtube#not a lot there but character and fandom analysis is my passion
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Giving up
Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader
Summary: Coaxing your neighbor into having sex with you although he's unsure since he's much, much older than you
Warnings: big ass unspecified age-gap, Jackson!Joel is a softie Smut| unprotected piv, crempie, insicure!joel, sub!joel, also my man has trouble lasting cause he's not done this in a very long time.
a/n:i needed to write some cheesy romantic stuff, and maybe it doesn't really make all that sense in this story and maybe i cried while writing this cause no one is ever gonna love me like this but so what bitch leave me alone (i also am i lil tipsy as i proofread this, so ignore any mistakes pls)
Part 1
"did you do something to your hair?"
Tommy was standing on Joel's doorstep, looking at him as if he were an alien.
"I washed 'em" he grumbled, "what do you want?"
His brother couldn't help but huff out a laugh
"someone's in a good mood today"
"I've gotta be somewhere, just tell me what you want"
Tommy's interest was only piqued more.
there stood his brother, his clothes perfectly clean- maybe even ironed- his hair... styled, his beard trimmed...
something was definitely going on.
"Where are you going?"
Joel rolled his eyes now, shooting his little brother a death glare
"none of your business"
Oh he knew what was going on...
"Who is she?"
"Tommy-"
"Is it Jessica? I bet 's Jessica, she's always flirting with you you ol' dog-"
Joel swore he was gonna punch him- he was already running late because of how long he took to pick his clothes- finding a flannel that wasn't completely worn out turned out to be real fucking hard.
He felt stupid for how much effort he'd put into getting ready, he felt stupid for how anxious he was, but most of all... he wanted his brother to go away.
"There ain't no one, Tommy- now, if there ain't anything you need, please go-"
But just then- just when he was finally going to get rid of him, your sweet, soft voice made its way to his ears.
"Hi Joel! Hi Tommy!" You smiled from your porch, waving your hand at him and his brother "You didn't forget about today, did you Joel?"
What in the actual fuck?
Tommy did a double-check, looking between you and his brother, and when he finally confirmed that it was actually him you were talking to, you whom he'd gotten all dolled up for, he couldn't do anything but let out a slow, long breath.
"No I didn't- I'll be there in a minute, darlin'!" Joel was answering you as his brother regained his ability to speak
"well... Fuck. Me" he was in awe, his voice barely a murmur
"it ain't like that" Joel was quick to intervene "'m just fix-"
"'m sure it ain't" Tommy let out a chuckle, his hand going to pat his brother's back "You fucking lucky bastard"
"Tommy I know she's young bu-"
"shut up man" he laughed "Just go have fun, you asshole"
__ __
"Sorry 'm late, Tommy was just-"
You smiled at his words, shaking your head
"It's ok, Joel" you cooed as you let him in,
He gave you a soft little smile, and you felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
Joel Miller didn't smile just at anyone.
"water?" you asked, leading him to the kitchen.
"Uhm- sure"
His heart was damn near beating out of his chest already- for no fucking reason at all.
Well except the obvious one... you'd sucked his dick and he'd eaten you out three days ago- and you'd made it clear you wanted more.
Jesus Christ, he felt like a fourteen-year-old with his first crush.
You watched him as he sipped on the glass.
"So?" a soft smirk was caged between your teeth "Did you think about it?"
He damn near choked.
Which didn't make any sense, he was expecting this, he already knew you'd ask.
He cleared his throat, diverting his eyes from you "I-I have"
"And?"
You'd gotten closer, your expectant eyes studying every inch of his face
pleasepleasepleaseplease say yes
"Did- didn't you have something that needed fixing?"
Oh for fuck's sake
"joel" you called for him in what almost sounded like a plead.
"darlin' just... lemme fix your cabinet first"
This man was gonna be the goddamn death of you.
"ok"
__ __ __
As it turns out, in many different ways.
Who knew watching him fix something would turn out to be so fucking hot?
He'd rolled his shirt up so that his strong forearms and a glimpse of his beautiful bite-worthy biceps were showing, his hands moved so very expertly that they couldn't help but bring back memories of what those same fingers had done to you just a few days ago, and his face... he looked so hot when he was all in his head, concentrated only on the task before him-
or so you thought.
"You're gonna stare at me the whole time?"
A soft laugh escaped your lips
"don't mind me- just enjoying the view"
He huffed out a laugh as he went back to work, but you couldn't help but notice the fact he pushed his sleeves ever further up his arms, giving you more of a view of his delectable skin.
What a tease
__ __ __
"there we go" he said after some time, opening and closing the cabinet one final time to make sure "all done"
For the record, this time you hadn't even done it on purpose, the cabinet had actually broken. It was like fate was sending you a message.
You awakened from your daydreams as he stood up to his full height, and hopped off the stool you were sitting on to walk closer to him, noticing some dampness in your panties while doing so...
It wasn't your fault... he was the one looking way too hot doing such a simple task.
"thank you" You smiled up at him, your hands going to his chest,
He held his breath for a moment
"'s nothing babygirl"
"yeah? then... you think you could check my bedroom too?" you were biting your lip in a way that made your question take on a whole different meaning "to make sure nothing needs fixing y'know?"
"In your... bedroom?"
"yes, Joel- please" you added, with your best innocent doe eyes.
Which of course made him fold in a matter of seconds.
You'd taken on a different tactic. It was obvious at this point that the man was too shy and too unsure to give you an answer (or the one you wanted to hear anyway), which is why you needed to present him with the actual possibility right in front of him.
And yeah maybe it was manipulative, but fuck it if you didn't wanna feel the man inside of you.
The flashbacks of what he did to you on that bed filled his mind the moment he stepped into the room.
He needed to get a grip or he wouldn't be able to hide his growing bulge in a minute.
"Everything seems right"
"yeah? 'm not sure about the bed" you hummed, desperately hoping he would just go along with it "it makes a weird sound when I get on it"
He turned to you then, his eyes locking with yours for an infinite second.
"try" you said finally, nodding to the bed.
He watched you for a moment longer before, surprising you, he did it- he sat on the bed.
The mattress creaked underneath his weight, and you made quick work of strolling closer to him as he pressed his palms on the bed, checking for the inexistent "weird sound"
"it don't look like there's anythin' wron-" he looked up the moment your hands found his shoulders "Whatcha doin'? sweethear-"
You were sat on his lap before he could even finish the sentence.
"Joel" you spoke his name softly, as if it were a caress, your hands slowly moving up and down from his shoulders to his pecs, as you finally scooted closer to him so your core was right against the hardness in his jeans-
He inhaled sharply, his fingers curling on the bed.
"would you like to have sex with me or not?"
You accentuated your words with a slow roll of your hips, grinding onto him and making a soft groan build inside his throat
"this- this ain't really fair sugar"
A smirk pulled at your lips as you lowered your head to whisper in his ear "I never said I didn't play dirty, Mr. Miller"
Your right hand trailed lower, moving down his belly so slowly that Joel thought he might just lose his mind.
"You're y-young baby-"
Your hand had found his crotch, the outline of his dick fitting in your hand oh so perfectly.
"we've gone over this already Joel, I'm old enough" you purred, your lips leaving a peck just below his ear "old enough to do many many things"
He cursed under his breath
"I just... I don't understand"
A breathy laugh escaped you
"there's not much to understand really" you murmured "You're hot, and I like you, and I wanna get in your pants"
That earned you a chuckle
"and you're sure you won't regret this?" he asked, "you sure this is what you really want- that- that you don't want to give a boy your age a chance instead of me?"
You smiled as you looked up at him,
you'd never met a man so sweet
"Joel, I promise you I'm sure" you whispered "I promise you this is what I want, you are what I want"
Fucking damn it
How could he ever say no after that?
With those gentle eyes of yours looking at him, with your hand right over his cock...
"So?"
He was gonna think about the consequences tomorrow. Now- now there was only you.
"yes"
That single word sounded better than any song you'd ever heard.
yes
Your lips were on his before he could even think of changing his mind- and god did they feel like a dream.
His soft stubble grazed against your cheeks and upper lip, as you deepened the kiss, as he opened up to you, closing his eyes only after he'd taken you in, only after he could admire all that was happening to him for some godforsaken reason.
A growl rumbled from his chest when your core found his dick again, grinding onto it in a way, that combined with the way your tongue was tasting every inch of him, was making him see stars.
He didn't think he'd kissed like this in 30 years,
making out seemed like such a distant thing from him, he was much too old to do something like this, and yet... everything about you made him feel like a teenager all over again, so perhaps it was fitting-
and god he had forgotten how amazing it felt.
You started undoing his flannen, not even dreaming of breaking the kiss, and once you opened his shirt up, once his big strong chest was right there before you, you just had to look at it.
You leaned away, his lips chasing yours making you smile as your gaze lowered.
Jesus, he was the hottest man you'd ever seen.
Some hair and freckles adorned his pecs, his little belly was ever so cutely fighting against his jeans- his skin was soft beneath your palms as they explored every inch they could reach.
He was looking at you, watching your blow-out eyes, wondering what potion you'd drank to be this mesmerized by what he had to offer.
You smiled once you caught him, leaning closer to leave a quick kiss on his lips.
"take off your clothes"
You got off of him, and once he saw you get rid of your shirt, your boobs pushed together by a simple black bra that somehow, at the moment, seemed like the sexiest thing in the world, he rushed to follow suit, nearly tripping getting off his pants.
The moment he looked at you again, the world- the universe, it all went quiet.
You stood naked before him, a soft, perfect little thing, looking like a damn dream.
"babygirl" he could only breathe as you reached him again.
"What?" you laughed
"I-I don't even know"
You shook your head, grinning from ear to ear as he pressed his mouth on yours again.
He was already addicted.
In a haze, you found yourself on the bed, your body caged beneath his, his tongue fighting with yours, his hands all over- You almost had the urge to laugh at how desperate he seemed, how frantically he was touching every inch of you, exploring every piece of skin-
His hands were on your tits, fingers gently playing with your nipples, then on your belly, your waist, your ass, your thighs, until finally, he found your core, but before he had the time to fully reach it you'd switched up with him, straddling his lap as he laid flat on his back... only he couldn't keep away for even a second and he immediately sat up, grabbing your waist.
He couldn't even begin to complain that you'd already grabbed his cock, positioning it at your entrance.
You couldn't wait anymore- you needed him now.
"Wait-" he murmured, his breathing labored already "you sure you're... y'know ready?"
Oh my god, you swore you were gonna fall for him if he kept this shit up.
"Joel" you smiled, looking into his big brown eyes "I've been wet since you fixed the cabinet"
"I-" he blushed "You-you sure?"
You didn't answer him, you simply took one of his hands in yours and guided him to feel just how much you were telling the truth.
"Fuck"
"yeah" you smirked "that's just what you do to me, Mr. Miller"
Jesus fuck
Joel didn't think his cock had ever been so hard.
You didn't give him time to do or say anything- he'd gathered that's how you did things by now- as you slowly, oh so very slowly, started sinking onto him.
He was big, the kind of big you'd be feeling tomorrow morning. The stretch hurt just right, so overwhelmed by the unadulterated pleasure that it was barely there.
Soft little moaned gasps spilled from your lips with every inch added, your eyes were closed, only focusing on the extraordinary feeling as your nails clawed at Joel's chest.
Until, finally- you'd done it. You were fully sat on his cock, and while your eyelids fluttered open, you regained your ability to hear- to hear the curses leaving Joel's mouth between ragged breaths
"Jesus Christ- Jesus fucking Christ- Goddamnit"
His grip on your waist was so tight you were sure it was gonna leave a bruise... not that you were complaining.
"you ok?"
His eyes were shut close and creases of effort filled his forehead, while his chest went up and down as he desperately tried to breathe.
"Joel?"
He swallowed tightly, now breathing in through his nose before exhaling from his mouth.
"d-don't move"
You smiled as you promised "I won't"
God this was fucking embarrassing.
He'd spent three days training.
And yes he wasn't sure he would have said yes, but still, better safe than sorry- except for the fact it clearly hadn't worked.
He had spent three days fucking his own fist and trying to last as much as possible and he did do progress... but this... this was fucking nothing like what he'd felt in the last twenty years.
He was so fucked
"I-I'm sorry" he gritted out, sounding almost defeated "I- I haven't done this in a long time darlin'"
"And you... you feel so fuckin' good- fuck"
Your walls had inadvertently squeezed around him at his words, making a groan rumble in his chest.
"You have nothing to apologize for Joel"
he would have told you that your voice was making everything worse if he weren't so preoccupied with trying to calm his dick down.
"take all the time you need"
And so he did, his eyes remained closed as he breathed through the initial shock, until finally, after what felt like an eternity, he was back.
He had to stifle a moan once he opened his eyes back up.
There you were, your beautiful eyes trained on his with such gentleness and care that it made where his gaze fell to feel even more sinful.
Your boobs were barely touching his chest, and yet they could have been in his face for the effect they had on him- his hands were on your waist, holding onto your soft flesh, your thighs were straddling his lap, giving him no choice but to finally look between your bodies, where you two connected.
"Darlin'" he murmured, hypnotized
You smiled, watching him admiring you in silence
"You look..."
Every word that came to mind wasn't enough, you were otherwordly, you were perfection... so he just settled on the simplest, and perhaps truest of them all.
"you're beautiful"
Your cheeks burned with heat as his gaze came back to yours.
"so are you, Joel"
And that was that.
His lips found yours again, and you couldn't stop your hips as they started moving, rocking back and forth and bringing little waves of ecstasy to your core.
A desperate moan spilled from yours to Joel's mouth as he grabbed the back of your head, forcing you into an even deeper kiss as he started following your movements.
Your hands went to the back of his neck, grabbing at the hair at the nape of it as you finally started bouncing on his dick, and god- god it was even better than you could have ever imagined
The loudest growl sounded from his throat as you worked yourself up and down on his shaft.
He was in another universe, his actions were only reflexes as the hand not tangled in your hair found your tits and then your ass, grabbing at it with tenderness and need.
"Oh Joel" you cried, his dick filling you up better than anything ever before.
You could quite literally feel him in your stomach, every little vein and ridge of skin creating a permanent dent inside of you that only he was ever gonna be able to fill.
"sweetheart- fuck" he groaned on his own, your breaths mixing as you ghosted each other's mouths, his eyes raking over your body and face, while yours couldn't help but roll to the back of your head as his manhood hit a particularly good spot.
"You feel so- good Joel" you whimpered mindlessly, now quickening your pace, desperation taking over you completely.
the sound of him entering your drenched core mixed with the bed creaking underneath you as you drove yourself closer and closer to heaven.
The sound of his name falling from your lips was something that filled Joel's chest with an indescribable feeling, he felt on top of the word, and at the same time... at the same time he wished it had never left your mouth because it was now forever imprinted in his brain, and he knew nothing was ever gonna compare to it.
Oh and also- also it was making his little lasting problem real fucking hard to control.
But he was nothing if not a gentleman,
You were gonna come, he wasn't gonna have it any other way.
His hand lowered down your belly as you kept chasing your release, looking like a damn glimpse of paradise, until his thumb found your clit.
"Oh fuck" you moaned, your eyes snapping open to look at him- a dark glaze of lust shading your iris.
Joel realized too late that he hadn't taken into account how fucking tight you'd get, and was now really paying the consequences.
Plus when you looked at him like that... maybe just this one time he could not be a gentleman- I mean it's not like he had much choice, he was trying his hardest but- shit
"darlin'" he mumbled, his thumb circling your bud "w-where do ya- where do ya want it?"
You moaned louder just at the thought of him coming
"Inside"
It wasn't even a question
"N-no sweetheart I-I shouldn-"
"Joel" you interrupted him, your lips grazing his as you talked, your grip on his hair tightening "I want you to fill me up until I can feel you leaking out of me for days"
Good Christ and heaven
"Fuck me" he cursed, all his strength going on not coming right there and then "Darlin' please- tell me you're close"
You were already seeing stars as he spoke
"I'm close, baby- oh fuck" you cried "Joel!"
A tsunami of lust-filled pleasure coursed through your veins as your orgasm hit like a damn truck.
You couldn't even remember your name as you screamed his own into the thick air, as you moaned and cried and spasmed around him, feeling him do exactly what you'd asked- filling you up to the very brim.
He'd started coming the moment you did- he couldn't do anything about it, it was just unadulterated perfection-
His head fell between your neck and shoulders as groaned like a man possessed,
until finally, after a good three minutes, you were both back to the land of the living.
He looked twenty years younger when he looked at you again, and you- you looked like the most beautiful woman on earth.
A soft smile pulled at your lips, and you couldn't help but ask "How long before we can do it again?"
And fuck him, but his age didn't matter, with those eyes of yours, it might very well be minutes.
@kluvspedro @bluebiyou @casssiopeia @bean-is-reading @millerispunk @i-cant-stfu
#joel miller#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller fluff#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfic#sub!Joel#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x fem!reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x you#sub joel miller#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#joel miller imagine#joel miller blurb#smut#joel miller angst#fanfiction#the last of us#tlou#the last of us hbo#tlou hbo
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ੈ♡˳ 'birthday cake' - logan howlett x wade wilson
summary: logan buys wade a cake for his birthday and tries to convince himself it doesn't mean anything. (900 words) tags: kinda fluffy, kinda angsty, set a year after the movie, references to losing the x-men, feelings realisation, animal metaphors for logan, cussing, logan x wade. a/n: happy birthday deadpool!
birthdays. running a calloused hand across his stubbled jaw, logan eyes the cakes in the bakery aisle with disgust. when's the last time he celebrated a birthday? not since. . .
well.
not since.
he's not sure why he's here. except he is. yet he won't admit it. can't admit he gives a damn about that stupid red leather-wearing freak. isn't that what he's doing right now, though? a birthday cake, an admission of sorts?
logan grumbles, a deep rumble in the back of his throat. why was this so hard? why couldn't he just pick up a cake and go? or better yet, forget about this whole damn thing and go home?
home.
a word that still feels so foreign in his mind, a long-lost concept that's only recently begun to take root again despite his best efforts to weed it out. that's the thing with wade, he's persistent. fuck, he's extremely fucking persistent to a highly annoying degree. but it's funny how the things we want to deny the most are the things that turn out to be the best for us in the end.
there's a unicorn cake that catches his eye. an imperceptible smile tugs at the corner of logan's lips, a reluctant grin quirking up without permission. he can't help it. "god damn it," he mutters, letting out a soft exhale that could possibly be perceived as a laugh.
it isn't too late. he could back out now, snuff the candles out and toss the cake so hard into the garbage can that it explodes on impact, leaving no evidence behind. that'd probably be the best thing to do. because what the fuck was this?
the unicorn cake sits on the dining room table, a few candles placed carefully (yet still somehow messily) into the pink icing, thoughtfully avoiding the unicorn decorations and rainbows.
logan shuffles nervously on his feet, hands clasped behind his back. he can already hear wade's annoying squealing in his ear, fussing and yelling and talking and just always fucking talking.
he'd made a deliberate effort to ignore all of wade's incessant reminders, 'it's my birthday month peanut, gotta be nice to me', 'i made sure to cancel everything on your very empty calendar for my birthday'. but in reality, logan had it memorised from the moment he learned the date.
a key enters the door, and logan stiffens up, then forces himself to relax in an attempt to look nonchalant. he looks anything but, head tilted down with dark eyes glued to the door - watching, waiting, anticipating.
"holy fuck balls that traffic is ridiculous!" wade whines, closing the door and rolling his neck as though he'd been worked to the bone, "i swear, it's like none of those careless fuckers know it's my birthday - can you believe that? i was thinking about getting a tattoo, the date on my forehead, y'know, so that when anyone asks they-"
wade stops, finally looking into the open room, eyes landing on the flicker of the candles. then to logan, eyes softening. "you. . . got me a cake?" wade whispers in the softest tone logan's ever heard from him, voice thick with emotion. it hits him unexpectedly.
logan puffs his chest out, "don't make a big deal outta it, bub." he says firmly, eyes straying from wade's gaze. feels like his eyes are boring into him, he doesn't like it. doesn't like the way wade looks at him, really looks at him. that kinda look is dangerous, could make a man believe he deserves to be forgiven for all he did or didn't do. could make a man believe that he's allowed happiness, however strange or unusual that source of happiness may be.
when logan's eyes trail back to meet wade's, he's already in front of him, arms wrapping around him in a tight hug as he rests his cheek against his broad chest. logan huffs, making a sound of disapproval initially, yet makes no effort to move or push him away. instead, he settles, allowing it.
he knows wade must hear his heartbeat, the fact that it's fluttering in his chest. but wade only squeezes his arms around him tighter in response.
for once, the merc with a mouth is silent, basking in this moment the other has allowed. he's almost in disbelief. to some, and hell, maybe even logan himself, it looked like. . . well, just a cake.
but it symbolised so much more than that.
if wade has had his hand outstretched all this time, approaching the skittish animal threatening to lash out in learned survival instincts - then this is the gentle nudge from the animal's snout into his palm. a curious, tentative step forward. a willingness to let someone in, let someone help.
and god, wade won't mess this up, won't disappoint, despite the fact that it's all he thought he was good for, for a long ass time. if logan's taught him anything, it's that life is so much more than what you boil yourself down to. it's what others see in you, too.
wade's eyes pop open when he feels logan's firm hands hesitantly rest upon his back, giving a gentle pat. he bites his tongue, a mirage of sex jokes slinging through his filth-riddled mind. perhaps in a way, that was his own defense mechanism, push him away with just enough jokes to keep him guessing.
but not today.
because today logan bought him a cake. the same day that logan realised that he's hopelessly, ridiculously, disgustingly, annoyingly. . . in love.
#hugh jackman#ryan reynolds#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#deadpool 3#marvel#logan howlett#wolverine#the wolverine#james howlett#x men#james logan howlett#wade wilson#dp3#peanutbub#deadclaws#logan x wade#wolverine x deadpool#deadpool x wolverine#loganpool#wolverpool#wade x logan#wade wilson x logan howlett#logan howlett x wade wilson#worst wolverine#wolverine x men#hugh jackman wolverine#logan wolverine#my writing
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I feel like you guys are missing the point here just a bit, but not because you're wrong. Like you're right, it IS disgustingly pornographic and our 'old woman's character isn't actually all that aged at all. And the men characters are seen as more funny and goofy for the male audience. And absolutely all of this is catered to the male view. And the eating seen was portrayed in a negative light unnecessarily.
However. That's the point. It's a horror film about how absolutely disgusting and unnecessarily pornographic Hollywood and the film industry is. My friends and I were talking about it when we all noticed how much unnecessary nudity and boobage there was. And one of them pointed out how that none of what the characters are doing for their dance routines is that abnormal for any kinda dancing in music videos or on YouTube, or even tiktok. Sex sells. And the film industry is OBSESSED with sex and female nudity. Because woman are obviously just a hot commodity for men to consume (/sarcasm). The worst part of all of it is Elisapeth has fully bought in an internalized that. She stands in the mirror staring at her own naked body and mentally picking it apart for flaws, not for her own gaze though. She's doing it for the audience. Except there isn't really an audience for her. It's an audience she imagines and has fully internalized. Because her entire life she has learned that being sexual and sexy is what sells. She is only worth something if she is sexy and beautiful. For anyone with an eating disorder I would bet money they've had the exact same moment in their life. Just standing in front of a mirror studying themselves and hating what they see, because what they see isn't a perfect commodity for men to consume.
And on the note of eating disorders, that's again why the food is portrayed in the way that it is. It's clearly a more overt and insidious portrayal of the cycle of starving yourself/binge eating. Sue is disgusted and hates Elisapeth for eating so much food (and also not cleaning up after herself, which ties into the main characters crippling depression and low self esteem.) Because we never once seen Sue eat anything. So to juxtapose that to Elisapeth binge eating, it's probably pretty safe to assume Sue starves herself and sees Elisapeth's cooking habit as a disgusting break in her self control (aka, the whole 'Control Yourself' scene). This isn't meant to equate Elisapeth as being selfish for only cooking for herself. But rather Elisapeth's severe cognitive dissonance between the reality of who she is vs. her ideal self. Because her ideal self is the perfect and sexy Barbie doll who regularly fucks and dances on camera, she doesn't need to eat. But Elisapeth does. And so she does eat, and relapses from her starving herself. And then the next day she absolutely hates herself for her "lapse in control".
Now as for the men coming across as harmless goofballs, let's get into it because this point is so so interesting to me. Because yeah, I bet men DONT see how insidious and disgusting the men in this movie are. They don't feel that crawling sensation like the men are stripping them with their eyes while they talk. Sue only ever bats her eyes and smiles in a positive demenor and acts like a non threatening idiot whenever she's around her boss. And it's because from the get go, she was shown that stepping even a toe out of line could cost her her career (ref: the start of the movie when she mentions she has a scheduling issue, and the entire mood of the boss goes from happy and excited to instantly suffocating and angry, just for him to jump back to happy and excited with a, 'baby girl for you we can make it work :)') it's such a small scene, but anyone who has had the female experience as a small woman in the room with a big angry man knows exactly what that's like. You have to carefully keep and eye on him and read his every mood and emotion, and perform for him to keep him happy. And she does that for all the men she meets. She IS a happy, sexy, brainless Barbie doll for men to consume. Because if she isn't? If she pushes back against the treatment? If she voices how uncomfortable it is for every man who looks at her to look at her like she's just a piece of meat for auctioning? Her career would be dead in the water. And she knows it. And they know it too. The trick is that no one is allowed to say it out loud. So the men get to Lord their power, be buddy buddy with each other and joke about the new hot piece of ass they managed to reel in. And the women just have to smile and pretend to be grateful for it.
And finally let's talk about how Elisapeth, at 50, barely even looks 30. And how she is repeatedly called old and treated like some shriveled old relic from the past, despite looking like an absolute goddess. Because again, that's Hollywood. It's a well known thing that woman are considered "past their prime" when they hit 30 in the film industry. And God absolutely forbid they look it. So Elisapeth gets work done, she keeps herself looking as young as she can for as long as she can, because she is scared shitless of aging and growing too old for the general male consumption. And as we can see, her fears are validated when she gets fired for just being too old. Despite again, because phenomenally talented and gorgeous. It doesn't matter. She's aged out. She doesn't even have a single wrinkle, but she's 50 now, so they gotta give her the boot. Her entire life shattered on her birthday, her entire self esteem and cognitive basis, absolutely obliterated because of something that happens to everyone. So that's literally the point, she DOESNT look that bad or that old. But it doesn't matter what she actually looks like. It matters that she's reached her predetermined expiration date, and she's got to go because of it.
That's the whole theme of the story tbh. It's a story about an actress who has bet her entire life on a fleeting and impossible to reach beauty standard that was never going to love and accept her in return. And instead of moving past it (why the male character who asked her out was so significant. I do agree that it kinda frames him as her last chance for happiness, and that I personally would have played it out differently, but really he is metaphorical for being able to grow past her younger self and accept who she is currently and her age. But she doesn't and instead hates herself so much she sabotages her last saving grace to find beauty and love and someone who will accept her for who she currently is, not who she was.) Its a story about a woman who has internalized the male gaze so much she has no basis of self esteem for herself without it. And who instead of choosing to grow and love herself, clings to what she already knows and goes out of her way to get it back. And it's ultimately her own destruction. Because she would do anything for just a few more minutes of being loved, even when that love is really actually just consumerism.
Just watched The Substance and I honest to god can't believe this is considered a 'feminist' movie. Read your analysis and completely agrree. My male co-workers were actually gushing over this movie, they couldnt believe how many times they got to see the main actresses naked and posing sexually for them. If you made a movie for men to masturbate too you've absolutely failed in having a 'feminist' message.
And Sue literally being how incel men picture Hot Girls - getting everything she wants without doing anything, rich and vain, having sex whenever, posing sexually every morning and staring at herself constantly, while having no real personality. Its how a porn-addicted man wishes he could live, not any womens reality. She barely even has any lines in the movie.
Not to mention having Demi Moore be the 'old women' despite having obvious work done and looking nothing like a regular older women. Its like the movie itself was too afraid to actually show a realistically aged women, and when she does start getting gray hair and looking older suddenly shes acting cartoonishly bitter and slobbish. Im so sick of movies having women make disgusting looking food and a huge mess and it all being shown as gross and depressing. Portraying food and eating as disgusting and pigging out when women make it (for themselves, if theyre cooking for a man or kids suddenly its different) is just feeding into misogynistic beliefs, not subverting them.
And the classic, portraying sexist men as very goofy and dumb so they don't offend the male viewers by having an actual relatable man that acts just like them being criticised by the movie for his sexism. Also the whole point where the movie basically acts like if she'd just been able to go on that date with the random guy from school, she wouldve been fine. bc having a boyfriend and a man that says youre the most beautiful is all that a woman needs i guess.
Anyway I absolutely hated this movie. From a horror perspective it did some things very well, but the message was just foul to me. Not to mention the fact that men are now trying to give Margaret Qualley the Sydney Sweeney treatment, bc they got to see her naked, hyper-sexualized, and acting like a little girl infront of powerful men. This movie was the antithesis of what everyone is saying it is imo.
Yes, I remember feeling similar to this when I first watched it. So much of it was catering to the male gaze, so much of it I had to skip because it was pornographic material, the outrage at the woman who looked so young and socially attractive to be presented as 'too-old-looking', I didn't even consider how different she looked to the reality of female aging, I didn't know that much about her. I did think she looked young though!
And you described perfectly my own thoughts about the food! It was presented to us as if it was disgusting, it made me feel insane, it was food! I've never seen any food presented in such a way. I understood later that this part was meant to resonate with women who did see food in this way because of an eating disorder, and to them this looked very normal to how they feel about food, even though this seems terrifying to me, I can't even think about it that way.
You are so right that it's never portrayed like this when a woman is cooking for a family! I didn't even think of that. If she's making meals for others, then it's portrayed as extremely positive, if she's cooking for herself, horrible.
I actually didn't even see the missed date thing as her 'opportunity to be fixed', but you're right! They did depict that male as her last chance to make a human connection and to feel like a human again, as if a single male could resolve this insane amount of struggle she was in.
My conclusion is exactly the same as yours, it is not doing anything it's claiming to do, extremely disappointing as a feminist movie, so much catering to male gaze and awful and horrifying depiction of what women's lives are like.
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Gojo stop info dumping on Yuta of all people about your failed love life, your broken heart, and your one and only, entirely unprompted. He's probably not as enthusiastic as you are about your Ex.
They had a rather memorable encounter that one time they met.
#I love how the three people witnessing his embarrassing yearning in the last panel are Maki Yuta and Inumaki.#Geto wiped the floor with all 3 of them.#at the other end of the spectrum we have Geto#Nanako and Mimiko were teenagers when they only then asked Geto who Gojo Satoru was and Geto answered them.#my man just doesn't talk about anything. to anyone. ever. at all.#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#geto suguru#satosugu#yuta okkutsu#okkutsu yuta#satoru gojo#suguru geto#and now Yuta probably has even more unnecessary information about Satosugu that he could do without after he possessed Gojo's body.
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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When the worst person you know sends a message like "I think we should never ever speak to each other again."
youtube
#Taupe has a life#My former housemate's psycho stalker ex doesn't want to talk to me anymore.#(HE KEEPS TRYING TO RECRUIT ME FOR SHIT.)#(WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.)#(He is president of this stupid university political group and knowing that I NEVER EVER want to speak to him.)#(He sent his fucking friends who were in my classes to come plead his case to try and get me to talk to him.)#(Also when I say psycho ex I am NOT exaggerating. If my housemate had pressed charges this dude would hella be in jail.)#(He is fucking SCARY.)#He threatened to burn her passport#He lied that she was suicidal to get building maintenance to break into her room for him.#(Luckily building maintenance called to check on that claim before just letting him up so she was able to make it clear he wasn't welcome.)#He cyberstalked her fucking PARENTS to message them all kinds of lies and slander about her?#Her EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS and CONSERVATIVE parents??!?!?!?#I'm not usually like “WHOLE MAN REMOVAL”#But like. Nah.#The INSTANT anyone shows him anything other than ABSOLUTE FEALTY he fucking SNAPS.#Over the most INSANE shit.#OH! He also took her meds and hid them once.#She found them a few weeks later in his car.#Ugh#Just writing all this out I'm remembering more.#IN CONCLUSION: FUUUUUUUCK THIS GUY#Also LMAOOOOO at him fucking messaging me to be like#“You are always so mean and passive aggressive and unprofessional so we should never speak to each other again.”#No actually I think you will find I treat you FAR BETTER than you actually deserve because I say all this shit on an anonymous website#I'm in the fucking tags and not in the courtroom of your case for when you broke into your ex-drug-dealer's house#And stabbed him several times#I THINK YOU WILL ACTUALLY FIND I AM THE EPITOME OF DIPLOMACY YOU SLIMEBALL PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!#Youtube
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I know I've thought about this plenty of times before, but it really sucks being someone who likes things very intensely and defines themselves by their interests a lot, when you were/are always surrounded by people who do nothing but make fun of everything you like.
#just... man it fucked me up#all I want to do is talk about what I like but I can't because I 'know' everyone will make fun of me#my mother my father my brothers every other relative except my grandma#and of course everyone in school including the teachers#like fuck man I still don't know how to get over it#this comes back to me not being able to let people see my art#though in a weird way. because that was always the only#thing I ever got compliments for. even the people who bullied me liked my drawings.#so it became this Thing#this super mega important thing I NEEDED to be good at so that anyone would ever say anything nice to me#like it's all I am and all I ever was#and I'm objectively not that good at it!!! I have this horrendous inescapable fear that paralyses me when I'm drawing or painting#because it matters too much. my entire worth as a person is this because I have nothing else#idk I'm way overthinking this but it just feels really frustrating#it's literally just some silly doodles in a sketchbook why can't I let people see. I've never thought anything bad about anyone else's art#so why do *I* have to be perfect?? when that doesn't even exist?!#I hate myself so much
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i didn't immediately get a follow-up text saying someone i hung out with had a good time
#😔 my brain is sooooo annoying#i hope there is a Next Time™ though 🥲 i had a rly nice time and.. i don't have reason to Not think they didn't have a good time#👉👈 but ppl can b nice and still ghost u. i just hope that's not the case this time 😭 I've rly been hoping this friendship works out#and if it doesn't tbh I'll be SO upset about it 😭 like if this doesn't work then idk what will man#just give up and be a shut in who does god knows what all day because being a person is too hard#this is like the longest I've talked w anyone from tinder and the most I've actually carried conversation on discord#and we hung out yesterday for the first time and it Seemed good but i haven't heard from them today#and i feel dumb and silly for feeling this way..? being anxious and hopeful has a girl holding her breath all the time 😔#any step forward feels like my last ykwim? u do something simple and small but always feel like it's Too Much#and like Anything u do is enough to push or scare ppl away 😬 but no one will ever tell u what's wrong!!#so u don't know what u did or what to look out for or idk. it just makes u feel like literally everything and anything is Too Much#and like u shouldn't even try.. but u Should or else you'll be alone frfr. 😮💨 idk i feel crazy lol I'm gonna go grab a coffee n draw
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welp
#suicide mention tw#the other day i had therapy right. and my therapist was like i was looking at the results of the tests you responded before we began#and i think it's necessary for us to talk about your relationship with death#and right now it's like. scariest thing to me in the world. also only thing i can ever think of#my brain keeps going i'm going to die!!! i'm going to die!!!! over and over and ot makes everything feel not real#which is scary and trippy and i hate living like this. as if i was dead already#and at the end she asked me to tell her in a scale of one to ten how likely she thought a suicide was#and i said 5.5. i've never planned anything i don't want to die. but if i die then i don't think about death anymore you know?#and i keep thinking about it and keep waiting for it to feel dishonest like. no way i'm a five in the would you kill yourself scale#but it doesn't. it feels like the truth i'm not going to do it but also i don't know what to do anymore#and i'm terrified of speaking to anyone in my life about this bc i don't want to scare them i don't want to be on suicide watch#so i'm just sitting here and my brain is eating me alive. all i can think about is how things end#i resent my body for needing to exist i also don't feel connected to it at all. and i'm exhausted man i really am#just. sigh. i'm sorry for writing this but idk what else to.do at this point#talking tag;
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#*youtuber voice* helllooOOOO my beautiful people it's me!!! im here today with another im bored and on a train and i don't want input#(But Also)#i don't really have anything to say i want to talk about indigo (namjoon's album) and i wanna hear someone talk about the production on it#bc idk much about that but i saw a twt mutual love it and yeah it FEELS good and deep and like you can sort of dig into it#and that's so so cool#also can i just. can we JUST. i love many songs on it but change pt2 is still a bit insane to me in the best way like it's HARSH it's blasé#it's sexy it's heartbreaking. you know???#anyways. such a cool album#as for work today. let me just say: 💀💀💀#it was SO busy bc holidays and the tension is just... my former boss/wife of the former boss is Done with the wife of the new boss and it's#A Lot let me tell you. honestly wife of new boss is just..... she's not cut out for it man and she keeps making off jokes that annoy people#(e.g. haha work harder lol just kidding) (when she often complains when we do have to work hard and she doesn't rly know what to do)#(also nr1 way to piss people off there like do NOT come for their work ethic)#anyways. it ended with the two arguing loudly#im usually just kinda comforting boss nr1 bc idk she likes me i like her and she works so so hard and the way the other one treats her...#also i say comforting i mean awkwardly patting her arm and empathising#also the other woman. you ever have people and their smell just. Upsets you? like her perfume idk.#anyways. im just hobbling on y'know it's all fine im just very tired all the time#what i also wanted to know if anyone's still reading is just how you all are doing what you're excited about how you find indigo#if you've listened etc etc#<3
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i want to talk about real life villains
Not someone who mugs you, or kills someone while driving drunk, those are just criminals. I mean VILLAINS.
Not like trump or musk, who are... cartoonishly evil. And not sexy villains, not grandiose villains, not even satisfyingly two dimensional villains it is easy to hate unconditionally. The real villains.
I had a client who was a retired executive for one of the big oil companies, i think it was Shell or Chevron. Had a home just outside of San Francisco that was wall to wall floor to ceiling full of expensive art. Literally. I once accidentally knocked a painting off the wall because it was hanging at knee height at the corner of the stairs, and it had a little brass plaque on it, and i looked up the name of the artist and it was Monet's apprentice and son-in-law, who was apparently also a famous painter. He had an original Andy Warhol, which should have been a prize piece for anyone to showcase -- it was hanging in the bathroom. I swear to god this guy was using a Chihuly (famous glass sculptor) as a fruit bowl. And he was like, "idk my wife was the one who liked art"
I was intrigued by this guy, because in the circles i run this dude is The Enemy. right? Wealthy oil executive? But as my client, he was... like a sweet grandpa. A poor widower, a nice old man, anyone who knew him would have called him a sweetheart. He had a slightly bewildered air, a sort of gentle bumbling nature.
And the fact that he was both of these things, a Sweet Little Old Man and The Enemy, at the same time, seemed important and fascinating to me.
He reminded me of some antagonist from fiction, but i couldn't put my finger on who. And when i did it all made sense.
John Hammond.
probably one of the most realistic bad guys ever written.
If you've only ever seen the movie, this will need some explaining.
Michael Crichton wrote Jurassic Park in 1990, and i read it shortly thereafter. In the movie, the dinosaurs are the antagonists, which imo erases 50% of the point of the story.
book spoilers below.
In the book, John Hammond is the villain but it takes the reader like half the book to figure that out. Just like my client, John is a sweet old man who wants lovely things for people. He's a very sympathetic character. But as the book progresses, you start to see something about him.
He has an idea, and he's sure it's a good one. When someone else dies in pursuit of his dream, he doesn't think anything of it. When other people turn out to care about that, he brings in experts to evaluate the safety of his idea, and when they quickly tell him his idea is dangerous and needs to be put on hold, he ignores his own experts that he himself hired, because they are telling him that he is wrong, and he is sure he is right.
In his mind, he's a visionary, and nobody understands his vision. He is surrounded by naysayers. Several things have proven too difficult to do the best and safest way, so he has cut corners and taken shortcuts so he can keep moving forward with his plans, but he's sure it's fine. He refuses to hear any word of caution, because he believes he is being cautious enough, and he knows best, even though he has no background in any of the sciences or professions involved. He sends his own grandchildren out into a life-threatening situation because he is willfully ignorant of the danger he is creating.
THIS is like the real villains of the world. He doesn't want anyone to die. Far from it, he only wants good things for people! He's a sweet old man who loves his grandchildren. But he has money and power and refuses to hear that what he is doing is dangerous for everyone, even his own family.
I think he's possibly one of the most important villains ever written in popular fiction.
In the book, he is killed by a pack of the smallest, cutest, "least dangerous" dinosaurs, because a big part of why we read fiction is to see the villains face thematic justice. But like a cigarette CEO dying of lung cancer, his death does not stop his creation from spreading out into the world to continue to endanger everyone else.
I think it is really important to see and understand this kind of villainy in fiction, so you can recognize it in real life.
Sweetheart of a grandfather. Wanted the best for everyone. Right up until what was best for everyone inconvenienced the pursuit of his own interests.
And my client was like that too. His wife had died, and his dog was now the love of his life, and she was this little old dog with silky hair in a hair cut that left long wispy bits on her lower legs. Certain plant materials were easily entangled in this hair and impossible to get out without pulling her hair which clearly hurt her. When i suggested he ask his groomer to trim her lower leg hair short to avoid this, he refused, saying he really liked her usual hair cut.
I emphasized that she was in pain after every walk due to the plant debris getting caught in her leg hair, and a simple trim could put an end to her daily painful removal of it, and he just frowned like i'd recommended he take a bath in pig shit and said "But she'll be ugly" and refused to talk about it anymore.
Sweet old man though. Everyone loved him.
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i'm going to destroy this damn phone
- the boss avoider
#long vent / rant on tags open at your own risk#straight up turned off my phone and put teams on do not disturb because i was TRYING TO WORK and kept getting interrupted by his whining#(he particularly said he needed me to work [read: be at the office. december 22.] while hindering my ability to do so !!!)#like the job is lame and boring and all but as much as i bitch about it i overall don't mind it that much#i was on a nice roll. think i finished this first website draft in record time (it's not very complicated but still. just 2 days)#and i stg i never have any problems with my project heads yknow. it's not a matter of being bad at receiving orders or w/e#and regardless of what he might say the communication problems are not on my end. bc again it doesn't happen w anyone else#i brought it up with him and he said 'well communication is a two way street you have to do it too' but tell me how can i talk to this man#i misunderstand a message he sends bc he never ever details what he wants even after i specifically asked him to yknow#tell me the whole information when he asks something of me#and then i respond based on the message i received and he goes 'well show me where i said that' FUCK YOU#he's always so passive aggressive about it all too#like if you say 'we have to look at the marketing materials to make new social media posts' and then. not tell me anything else#how am i supposed to know that there's a specific folder and you want me to take the text previously written and put it on new images#like that's a whole other sentence my guy you cannot be mad that i thought you wanted me to scour your social media and#make new posts whole cloth. fuck right off i have to put in my notice bc it's impossible to work under a man like this#like forgive me for the expression but he absolutely lacks leadership skills#if you're not good with people you should just delegate those parts to people who are and focus on reading about the metav3rse#GOD. i'll soon be sent to the seaside for my health (new years trip w my friends) but. i won't be on break at all so :grimace:#because there's that too. haven't had a single break except for holidays but like. only the DAY of the holiday#holiday on a thursday and you're expecting a nice four day weekend? well too bad get fucked you're working that friday#like jesus you're not providing anything so important you need to work your employees every legally allowed day of the year#just stop for the holidays! people won't die because someone's website has been delayed for two weeks!#to think i even considered learning frontend to branch my career options. i'm not stepping foot in a tech company again in my life#i mean there's still self important bosses everywhere. my friend's at a marketing agency and god knows the owner is crazy but#the grindset is gonna kill you and i won't let it kill me too.
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