#my love for fictional characters has never been something ive had because “i was lonely and didnt have a partner” or whatever

[tokimekiinversion]

i think i read a science article theorizing fictoromance as like, a "trial run" for irl romantic relationships. with sort of the implication being, the irl ones are the "real and valid" relationships.

and yk, maybe this is a thought people have, maybe not, but in any case-- i can't agree with that, as someone who doesnt know if theyre even interested in irl relationships or not. my love feels pretty real to me! i don't want to define it as something thats just a precursor to an irl romance, or even necessarily a replacement for incompatibility with irl romance. because that still treats the irl romance/love as somehow inherently superior, which i don't think it is. the sentiment saying that fictoromance is compensation for lack of irl romance, i feel, is a sentiment saying, "you HAVE to love someone, you have to be the way normative society wants you to be or you're Broken and Weird," but the "broken and weird" is defined here under a cruel and arbitrary lens.

live your life how you want to. do what makes you happy. if its not hurting anyone who cares. love wins

[itsthenovelteafactor]

Fall of the House of Hargreeves

So I mentioned a while back in my Superhero Gothic meta that there were a number of parallels between the season one finale of The Umbrella Academy and the Edgar Allen Poe short story The Fall of the House of Usher and that I could probably write a whole meta on that if anyone was interested. Shout out and love to the anon who requested that I do that! 

It’s been a minute since I’ve done one of these long form metas, but I am very excited to get back to writing about two of my favorite things: gothic literature and chaotic superheroes. 

Part I: The Fall of the House of Usher

The Fall of the House of Usher (which I’ll call House of Usher for convenience for the rest of this meta) is a short story by Edgar Allen Poe first published in 1939. It is considered a classic gothic short story, and deals with themes of family, madness, inheritance, and isolation. 

Since it’s in the public domain, I’ll go ahead and link a pdf to the story here. If you aren’t interested in reading, though, or just want a refresher, the story follows an unnamed narrator going to visit his ill friend, a man named Roderick Usher in his isolated (and very spooky) family estate. Upon arrival, he discovers that Roderick’s sister, Madeline Usher, is also ill, and has a tendency to fall into dreamlike trances.

Over the course of the visit, Roderick confesses to the narrator that not only does he believe the house is alive, but that it is connected to the fate of the family which, at this point, only includes Roderick and Madeline. He later comes and tells the narrator that Madeline has died, and enlists his help in order to bury her in the family tomb beneath the house. They do so, but for the next couple of days Roderick is suspiciously...on edge. 

Then, one dark and stormy night, Roderick shows up in the narrator’s room incredibly worked up, and throws open the window, and starts low-key (read: high-key) having a breakdown. The narrator is unsure as to why until he hears ripping and tearing sounds coming from somewhere in the house. These ripping and tearing sounds are revealed to be Madeline whom Roderick and the narrator buried alive whose appearance scares Roderick to death, right before she collapses, also dead from the strain of tearing through the foundations of the house.

The narrator decides this would probably be a good time to leave and is very much right about that because as soon as he leaves, the house (which was already in pretty bad shape) splits in two and collapses into the lake surrounding it. The end.

Part II: Umbrella Academy as Gothic

So, there are probably a couple similarities between House of Usher and The Umbrella Academy season one that stand out right off the bat, but I’d like to start by taking a step back to talk about thematic parallels between the two works. If you’d like to read a very long winded explanation of why I consider The Umbrella Academy to be a modern gothic tale, I have a really long meta about it. 

If not, here’s a quick overview:

Gothic does not have a clearly defined set of requirements as a genre, but its purpose is to explore the contradictions and the failing edifices of convention in a way that is dramatic and often fantastic. 

Gothic fiction plays with reality, but usually in a way that is representative of the characters and story. 

It often situates itself during times of great change, as there is something haunting about the irreversible passage of time, particularly for those that struggle to acknowledge it and hide behind conventions that have grown increasingly irrelevant. 

Poe is considered one of the classic authors of gothic fiction (though the genre significantly predates him), and is decidedly one of the best well-known examples of it. 

The Umbrella Academy is a family drama about former child superheroes dealing with their trauma while trying to prevent an apocalypse that their every move seems to set further in motion. It explores the messy and complicated relationships between siblings who have been abused and pit against each other for years. And yeah, it’s fun with great music and talking gorillas and dance sequences, but the premise is kind of hard for me to read as anything other than gothic.

Part III: Parallels

Like House of Usher, the first season of Umbrella Academy takes place in a massive, largely empty mansion where siblings gather with disastrous consequences. Both works explore a family that is past their prime and disconnected from the present. They also both explore the psychological toll of isolation, the consequences of tyrannical family rules, and why it is a really bad idea to lock your unstable sister in a basement and just leave her there. 

Let’s start with some thematics parallels. Everyone in House of Usher is extremely isolated, and the absence of anything resembling the modern world amongst the house full of relics is part of the horror. All of the siblings in Umbrella Academy are defined by their isolation as well, physically (Luther, Five, and Ben), socially (Vanya, Diego, Klaus, and Allison), and emotionally (legit all of them). It is this isolation that drives the conflict of the story, feeding into every characters’ choices. 

In both House of Usher and Umbrella Academy, the main characters are trapped in this isolated state as a direct result of their familial legacy. In House of Usher, the titular house is a character itself, a manifestations of the obligations Madeline and Roderick hold as members of an aristocratic family that is so far divorced from wealth and status that it keeps them from ever fully moving on and rejoining the real world. In Umbrella Academy, the characters are similarly trapped by their familial legacy, this time in the form of the specter of their abusive father, and the roles he created for them. Like the Usher siblings, the Hargreeves have no way of maintaining the roles their family left out for them – they were never given the tools to function in the real world and it cripples them – but are trapped in them regardless. 

Part IV: The Woman* in White 

*As of the time I am writing this, nothing has been said regarding Vanya’s gender identity being written to match Elliot Page’s. I am using she/her pronouns for Vanya, as that is what has been used for the character thus far. 

Aside from thematic parallels, however, the most direct connection between the short story and series, and in fact the reason I was inspired to write this meta in the first place is the way both of the stories end: with a sister trapped beneath the house clawing her way out to face her brother(s and sister) and creating a disruption of the family legacy so great that the entire estate crumbles.

Madeline Usher is described at this point as wearing a white dress, strained with the injuries she sustained from physically breaking herself out of the basement tomb her brother buried her alive in. Vanya, of course, becomes at this moment the White Violin, and though she has not yet had the epic violin-music-so-powerful-it-changes-the-color-of-her-clothes scene, the principal still stands.

As characters, there are also a couple of noteworthy parallels between Vanya and Madeline. The narrator at one point describes “the illness of the lady Madeline had lone been beyond the help of her doctors. She seemed to care about nothing” (Poe, 27). The reader never knows what illness precisely is the cause of Madeline’s apparent madness, but we see the effects. It dulls her emotional responses to situations and leaves her withdrawn and powerless. Similarly, we learn over the course of the first season of The Umbrella Academy that the medication Reginald Hargreeves prescribed Vanya for her anxiety is actually a power suppressor for her abilities that has much the same effect – because they are strengthened by extreme emotion, the drugs numb Vanya’s emotional responses and deprive her of the ability to access her powers.

Additionally, the final scene of the story story shows Madeline escaping her tomb during a great storm and going to face her brother who put her there, the storm itself being a metaphor for her anguish that tears the house apart. Vanya’s connection to the destruction of the house is a bit more literal, but it is similarly a manifestation of her anguish and trauma. She sees flashbacks of her siblings being distant and rude to her in their childhoods and the anger she feels rips the foundation apart. 

It is not entirely clear in the short story why Roderick buries Madeline alive – there are a lot of theories: he genuinely believed she was dead, he wanted her out of the picture, he himself was succumbing to the madness of the house, etc – but the guilt he feels for doing so manifests as him hearing her scraping her way out for several days preceding her escape. The justification for Vanya’s imprisonment is more clear in text, but the series of flashbacks make it clear that it is not just the imprisonment that has driven her over the edge. It it guilt for her sister, anger at her abusive upbringing that is much more easily directed at her siblings than her father, the newfound emotions experienced by being off her medication for the first time since childhood, Leonard’s manipulations, etc. 

In both cases, amidst a spiral of emotions and experiences folding in on themselves, Vanya and Madeline experience a single, cold moment of clarity that drives them to escape, and it is that moment of clarity that breaks the shadow of the family legacy. They observe the situation as it stands and realize that it is completely unacceptable, and it is the realization that leads everything to crumble. Because gothic literature is focused on the complexities of maintaining that which is out of date, the realization that things must change can break the spell.

Part V: Conclusions 

As per usual, I have no great theories on why this is or what it means. One of the reasons I love gothic literature is that it is rife with meaning that can be more easily felt than deciphered. I welcome any and all interpretations, theories, (politely worded) disagreements, and comments. 

Thanks for taking the time to read; I have a lot of fun doing these. Enjoy spooky season, y’all. 💛

[kishimoto-did-us-dirty]

Naruto Arts School AU

Reposting bc I love this post and bc I can lol

Character

- major

description

Naruto

-Drums

okie nobody can deny that our main boy over here is a loud soul, however, he can also carry a damn good beat that compliments his band mates’ music really well. Tbh, he sucked at music to begin with and had trouble matching rhythms and listening to his band mates when they played, however he eventually became a really good rhythm maker.

Sasuke

-Guitar (lead)

He’d be assigned to the same band as Naruto, and that’s how they met. This boy is a damn good guitarist y’all, but has attitude problems™, and used to not be able to deal with Naruto’s haphazard beat making, thus perpetuating a rivalry between the two. He constantly feels overshadowed by his elder brother Itachi, a piano major.

Sakura

- Dance

Ya girl fucking demolishes every single dance routine. Initially starting out with a focus on ballet (pre-shippuden in canon), our pink headed queen soon realized that she wasn’t getting the full experience of what it meant to dance. Her point shoes were her loves, however they hurt and nipped in places not just physical. She realized that she didn’t want to be pigeonholed into a genre of which she would be inhibited by standard, and rather to dance so as to forget technical perfection. Thus, what would partner with post-shippuden Sakura in canon, Art School AU Sakura got into hip-hop. And bitch, she goes hard. A lot of the other girls who she used to dance ballet with admire her for her absolutely BODYING her dance routines, but also for never sacrificing her femininity to dance and not taking BS for being a girl who goes so hard in a male-dominated genre. (Some people believe that hip-hop is heavy hitting and a little metaphorically “dark” so to speak, which Sakura is not. So obviously I expect a little disagreement regarding this, however if you look at people like Delaney Glazer or Kaycee Rice, that is how Sakura would dance).

Hinata

- Creative Writing

Shy and bookworm-like, Hinata can write the best poetry, romance and adventure pieces out of all the creative-writing majors. She’s especially good at writing character relationships and development, and has such a subtle sense of intelligent wit in her writing, that if you blinked you would miss it. However should you catch it, you’re sure to chuckle. Her only struggle is that she tends to drag on in important scenes, stretching them against the regular flow of the rest of her writing. Needs validation for her writing through an IV drip.

Kiba

- Drums OR Photography

Drums for obvious reasons (loud and obnoxious), although ruff boi looks good with a camera, too. Great at landscapes and street photography.

Shino

- Creative Writing OR Photography

I could definitely see Shino having fucking beautiful handwriting, and being a beast at writing anything within the sci-fi realm. I could also see him doing some journalism, and writing for the school paper. He’s very good at the logic of his sci-fi books and coming up with logical but enrapturing stories, that intermingle knowledge and mystery. He’s a very specific type of read, however, and may not appeal to all, however if you enjoy anything similar to Star Wars or Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, then Shino is your author. If this doesn’t float your boat, though, try photography-major Shino. He can get the best angles of bugs he sees, and has an extensive portfolio with entomology-related snapshots.

Ino

- Dance

Like Sakura, she, too, began with a focus on ballet, however began to branch out into contemporary ballet a little later than Sakura. This is another reason why Sakura switched her focuses, as she and Ino had always had a fierce rivalry for dieting (ballet dancers are pressured to be as thin as possible) as well as battling for technical perfection when they were ballet focused. As the two grew, Ino focused more so on contemporary, but can certainly do some hip-hop with Sakura every now and then, just as Sakura occasionally takes a contemporary class with her. The two still have a rivalry, however, just not to the previous extent as when they were actively competing against each other. They’re more like sisters.

Shikamaru

- Guitar (bass) OR Creative Writing OR Architecture

Smart boy’s a tricky one. He would either be a bassist, a mystery and historical fiction writer, or, of his school offers it, be great at architecture. Idrk.

Choji

- ermmmmm….. maybe graphic design? Tech theatre (props)? Vocal???

Choji is hARD dwnccnpc (that’s what she said). I could see him behind a computer screen, animating and designing games/covers/posters or whatever. He could also do something in theatre, but I don’t think he would do anything up on stage. Something like props would suit him. He might do something in music, tho???? Can he sing???? Help???

UPDATE: Choji is a band kid. He plays tuba or some shit. Big boy got big lungs.

Tenten

- Dance

Always has been, and always will be a hip-hop dancer. She wanted to be like Tsunade, a legendary dancer and followed in her footsteps, taking up hip-hop. (that’s why Sakura focused on hip-hop, too, because Tsunade mentored her and taught a few of her classes, too). Tenten is fast and can keep up with any beat. Not only is she a great dancer, but she’s also athletic, and does track and field (cross country), football, and softball at another school too, since the arts schools doesn’t offer it. Overall great dancer with styl. She’s really looked up to by some of her underclassmen for her cheery, but badass style and skill.

Lee

- DANCE (hip-hop, too)

It’s sweat. It’s burn. It’s energy. It’s Lee.

Neji

- Violin

First chair violinist in his freshman year for the school’s philharmonic orchestra. He be extra like that.

Gaara

- Guitar (bass)

He had a lonely childhood with neglectful/abusive parents, and rock music really helped him with that. Emo music is emo and often made fun of, but the songs have messages and Gaara related, so self-taught himself the bass guitar to help cope, and bring him closer to the music that salvaged him.

Kankuro

-Art

Specifically sculpting. For obvious reasons.

Temari

- Acting

Girl can make you cry with some of her monologues. Total lead. Has a seriousness in her acting that makes her believable, however can falter on the less-serious roles. She may also double-major in whatever Shikamaru does. And she’s better at it than him.

Itachi

-Piano

Boy could play any etude at age 7. Performed at Carnegie Hall when he was 10. And no, he didn’t pay to play there. The hall invited him. Began composing at 9. Has perfect pitch. Owns international awards. If he’s not at school it’s because he’s traveling to play for crowds. He excels at classical and baroque, however has an ear for romantic, and enjoys playing/composing pieces either written or inspired by romantic pieces. Enjoys Schumann, Debussy, and Tchaikovsky. Hates modern classical music, though. Can only take cinematic pieces composed by people like Williams, however can’t stand Prokofiev at all. He does like modern music, though, so long as it’s outside of the orchestral/classical music realm. He likes R&B. He would have liked to do film with Shisui, particularly producing, however his parents pressure him with piano, so he helps Shisui with student films and projects outside of school (will probably pursue film after graduating, tho).

Shisui

- FILM / VIDEO PRODUCTION

Fight me on this!!! THIS BOY IS SO GOOD AT CINEMATOGRAPHY MY FILMMAKING ASS CAN’T EVEN. AS SOMEONE WHO IS IN LOVE WITH FILMOGRAPHY, TRUST ME, SHISUI HAS IT™. THE IT™. HE’S GOOD AT EVERYTHING. CINEMATOGRAPHY. DIRECTING. SCREENWRITING. GRIP-WORK. EDITING. PRODUCING. HE’S SUCH A FILM NERD TOO, AND WATCHES OLD FILMS ALL THE TIME. HE’S JUST TOO GOOD AT IT. DOES STREET PHOTOGRAPHY TOO. HE’S OVERALL A GENIUS WITH CAMERAS. Does film with Itachi outside of school and teaches him, and the two are overall geniuses at filmography. They want to start their own studio together (they do, and it becomes huge). He becomes a leading director, while Itachi becomes a producer and directs sometimes too.

Sasori, Deidara, and Sai

Guess.

Kakashi

- Saxophone

It’s the only thing that suits him and it suits him so well. Has suave.

Obito (omfg his arms y'all)

- Not to say drums or anything, but…. drums.

Narutard 2.0. But he also dabbles in other areas of music. Like, he can also play guitar and sing. He’s also pretty good at music production. Makes R&B sometimes. He wasn’t always the best musician but proved to be a late bloomer, and really harnessed his potential. Tries to be as suave as Kakashi and his saxophone. He isn’t.

Hashirama

- Vocal

OkaYYYYYY. VOCAL GOD. CAN DO RIFFS AND RUNS AND HAS PERFECT PITCH. ALSO THE SWEETEST GUY??? WAS A CHAMBER SINGER AS A FRESHMAN. EVERYONE LOVES HIM, GOOD BOY ENERGY.

Likes to belt.

Madara

- Piano

Total prodigy, but hates classical music. Once was accompanist to Hashirama for a solo vocal performance and hasn’t been left alone since.

Tobirama

- Viola or Cello

Some sort of string instrument and takes it very seriously. Probably plays cello because violas are violas and that’s lame (if you know, you know). Has almost as many awards as Itachi and Madara, but hates his usual piano accompanist, Izuna.

Izuna

- Piano

Also a piano god. The uchihas breed them. Hates being accompanist for Tobirama. They’re secretly best friends though, don’t tell anyone.

Karin

- Tech Theatre.

Idk why. Probably started out with props and made her way up to TD (technical director) in senior year.

Suigetsu

- Tech Theatre

Fucking hates theatre kids. Assistant TD. Karin hates him.

Jugo

- Visual Art

Paints landscapes and nature. Really good with oils and gouache respectively.

Yamato

- lmao Trumpet.

Met Kakashi since they both play brass, but boy he ain’t got that suave. That’s why he plays trumpet. Lmao he plays the fucking trumpet anjdwcnojdnn.

Rin

- Vocal

Sweetest voice and could also play the acoustic guitar when she sang. Died in a car accident junior year. Kakashi was at the wheel when they got hit by a drunk driver. Obito saw the whole thing.

Kurenai

- Visual Art

Can create dream like paintings that almost seem like illusions.

Asuma

- Cello / guitar

Used to play cello because of his parents, but loves to play guitar. Can sing but his voice is raspy from smoking.

Gai

Who the fuck do you think teaches dance?

Jiraiya

- Guitar (lead)

Used to major in lead guitar. Sucked at first. Probably has a couple, casual Grammy Awards (they’re actually not that hard to be awarded with, The Recording Academy award many people outside of mainstream media. My school has a few). Now teachers as head of the Band department at this school.

Tsunade

-Dance

Legendary dancer. Probably toured with a few famous people. Now teaches. Mentored Sakura, and mentored Ino but for a shorter time.

Orochimaru

- Idk, didgeridoo, or some shit

Definitely a wood wind. Flute maybe??? Teaches now but no one knows what he does. Pedophile. Has a thing for Sasuke.

[pigeonxp]

YGCMA songs and how they relate to c!Wilbur based off of yesterday’s lore (in my biased opinion)

This is so dumb and i literally don’t care. I can’t think about anything else other than doing this synopsis even tho like 28480329204 other people are going to do it. idc. 

(I listened to the songs earlier, and i’m also listening to them as i write the opinions. these are basically just my thoughts while listening tbh. im also not doing the full song, just some things i feel relate within each song)

- Jubilee Line

the lines at the beginning of the song, “hate to see you leaving / a fate worse than dying” could relate to how wilbur feels after tommy gets pulled back into the overworld. or, he could be referencing L’Manburg and how he hates to see his country leaving him (ouch). 

then we have the lines “your city gave me asthma / so thats why im fucking leaving / and your water gave me cancer / and the pavements hurt my feelings”. This could be in relation to L’Manburg as a whole. He put everything he had into L’Manburg and it only ended up hurting him in the end. yikes. 

now we have “shout at the wall / ‘cause the walls dont fucking love you” repeated. This could be in reference to when he said he was fucking kicking and screaming to get out of the train station. hes screaming and he doesnt care because it doesnt matter to him. it doesnt love him just like how the people of L’Manburg didnt love him. wilbur get therapy challenge.

so based on the lore from yesterday, we know that c!wilbur’s limbo was a train station (props to fanartists. i love you.), presumably the YCGMA album cover type deal. when he sings “Theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the tube line / theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the rails” repeated. if the train station looks like how they do on the album cover, there could be barriers where he is. maybe hes trying his best to just kill himself over again by jumping onto the tracks. just in an attempt to escape. jfc 

“theres a reason they fail”. he was still in the train station, wasnt he?

- Saline Solution

for this one, i feel like hes pretty far into the void and regretting his decision to have phil kill him. hes tired of being in a fucking train station for years on end. 

“i think this time im dying / im not melodramatic / im just pragmatic beyond any / reasoning for thinking ive got / fuckin rabies or something.” hes so fucking sick of being in this goddamn train station and he thinks hes dying. hes so pent up and sick of being there, maybe hes just in so much pain that he feels like hes dying. if hes been there for a while, hes probably bound to go crazy at some point, hence the “pragmatic beyond any reasoning.”

“I think ive lost my mind / blurring the fact and the fictions” this feels like he really does believe hes going crazy and is mixing up the things he really knows and the things his mind is creating for him. maybe this is when tommy first arrived and he cant tell if he real or not (thats a stretch but i figured id share it anyway.)

“I think ive made my choice / im a deceased playing victim / slip the face, slip the victory” he quite literally says that hes a deceased playing victim. hes literally saying hes dead HAHHAHAH anyway. maybe hes blaming himself again, because us c!wilbur apologists all know that hes very good at doing that.

“Sit secluded in hatred /.../” hes sitting in a fucking train station for god knows how long beating himself up over and over again and just hating himself. hes all alone. with himself. someone he fucking loathes.

this is honestly all i have for Saline Solution, but i will definitely add more later if i get different theories. 

- Since I Saw Vienna

This is my favorite song on the album and my comfort song so that could factor into this bit ahaha

im going to skip through this one a little bit and go to the line “The roads are my home, horizons my target / if i keep on moving, never lose sight of it / treating my memory of you like a fire, let it / burn out, don’t fight it, try to move on” this sounds like hes reminiscing on his home in L’Manburg and his presidency was something he relied on and he would fight to get it back, but now that hes dead and said that it should remain that way that he should just let it go. trying to move on from his symphony, forever unfinished. 

 “its been sixty weeks since i saw vienna / a bandage and a wide smile slapped across my face / ill pick up my hiking boots when i am ready / and ill put down my roots when im dead.” THESE LINES FUCK ME UP IN GENERAL BUT HOW THEY RELATE TO C!WILBUR RN IS JUST SUIBHYSBUSHDXNSKJDNHBD YK???? in the context that vienna is L’Manburg and he died, its saying that its been a long ass time since hes seen it and hes faking being okay about his death. he misses it but doesnt want to admit it. the picking up the hiking boots when hes ready is him moving on from his L’Manburg, and putting his roots down when hes dead is finally being okay with not living there/being an important part of it. he believed his death was the best for the people in L’Manburg and L’Manburg itself. it seems like hes still trying to convince himself. 

“Ill be gone then, for when you must be alone.” hes gone. hes dead. hes in the train station. he left the L’Manburgians alone and hes alone in his limbo. man. 

- Losing Face

this song is angry. hes so fucking angry. my thoughts are that this is about the following presidents after him. he feels like the L’Manburgians were happier without him and im pretty sure he believed that even when Schlatt was president. this is so evident in the lyric “Is he better than me?” Hes literally asking if the other presidents were better than he was. he doesnt believe he did everything he could to be the best president, even though we all know that he gave everything that he was into that country and then some. he broke himself for the L’Manburg but he doesnt believe hes enough. sheesh.

“Ive seen him / ive been him / ive felt the same way” even though he cant see the new presidents being president, he knows what its like. he knows that they might break under the pressure. hes been there. he knows how if feels. yikes. 

“Ive lost all meaning / ive lost my sense of hope” this feels like when he was nearing the end of L’Manburg when he blew it up, and that he feels like trying to win it back is pointless. he has no hope for it anymore, so why not give up? his mental state is already shit yk so i cant really blame him for feeling that way. 

“i dont care / i want you here / as long as youre happy, i dont care” this line. this fucking line. hes lost hope in being president, but he doesnt care. he just wants the L’Manburgians to be happy. that was his whole thought process while he was president. he didnt matter to himself, he just wanted them to be happy. he sacrificed his mental state for them. cries in wilbur apologist.

- Your Sister Was Right

this is my second favorite song on the album i think HAHAHAH

anyway

“I use everyone i ever meet / i cant find the perfect match / abuse those i love / while i ostracize the ones who love me / back.” wowie wow wow fucking ouchie. He feels like he uses his friends. this whole thing is a projection of his shit ass mental state rn fucking hell. he feels like hes abusive. thats what everyones been telling him. they tell him he was awful and a shit president and all that jazz even though hes been killing himself trying to be the best for them but its still not enough (pigeon projecting? more likely than you think)

“every time that i miss you / i feel the way you hurt / and i dont deserve you / you deserve the world / though it feels like we were built / from the same dirt.” man. hes dead lol. he misses the L’Manburgians. not only were they his supporters, but they were all his friends too. every time he misses his friends he feels their pain of when he first blew up L’Manburg. he feels like because he caused them all pain that they dont like him and that they never liked him and that he is undeserving of their friendship. he still wants to be friends with them. he still loves them. he still wants the best for them. he thinks theyre so much better than him even though they all created L’Manburg together. in reality they are all the same, but their actions impact each other and he feels that his actions make him worse than them or less than. fuckisonmdfnpbhife

“and i hate to say it / but your sister was right / dont trust english boys / with far too much free time” sister is dream mayhaps. fuckngeionsfjg that hurt sorry uhhh anyway yeah sister is dream?? he did say that wilbur would be a shit president and he believes that hes a shit president so he thinks they were all right about him being a shit president  fbhjebinfnejg. maybe sister is just everyone who didnt believe in wilbur. man....

“a fucking waste of time” do i even need to explain this one? he fr doesnt belive hes worth it anymore and that hes literally a waste of time. hjkfbhnfve

- La Jolla

this one feels pretty far into train station limbo to me as well. namely from “and im lonely / there i said it” this could either be him being lonely as president and feeling like he doesnt have anyone to talk to really because hes too busy trying to hold himself together for everyone. either that or hes lonely in the station and didnt want to admit it because this is what he wanted. he wanted to die. he wanted to be dead because he believed thats what everyone else wanted and he just wanted the best for them. 

“i could go away / i could pack my things and be gone before you wake” he could leave if they asked him to. he would do anything for them. 

“you know ive tried hard to love me too / it always seems to fall in, through” this line already physically pained me but now it hurts even more having to relate it to a character i love. we already know that his mental state was declining as his presidency continued, but this would confirm that hes just trying to love himself even though he can never seem to get it right. 

“my own personal sunset” this is just the ‘this is my sunrise’ line but different. my man misses the sun. fuck. 

- I’m Sorry Boris

this song is almost definitely from a long ass time in the limbo. 

“and im sorry / but, boris / im leaving / im not good for anyone here” boris represents L’Manburgians!! hes talking about how hes leaving the world by planning on killing himself. fuck. 

“we reached the end of a decade” mans been dead for a decade. sheesh. 

he then goes on to say that he cant believe hes leaving, he doesnt think he wants to leave them, but he thinks its whats best for them.

he talks about how they do all of these bullshit things before helping you and i know its in reference to london but for the sake of my sanity its about the presidency role and how it will fuck you up before bothering to help you not want to kill yourself.  

should i do a separate post about how i visualized it/about how i thought about the song in paragraph form like a lowkey explanation? idk how to explain it but in this one i wanted to just cover some of the lyrics of the songs and my thoughts on them. i think c!wilbur wrote these in the limbo after he died. i know this is also shit and Not Good, but i really just needed to get my thoughts out before it killed me. i also didnt reread this. its probably repetitive and shit yk. i do Not Care. id also love to hear thoughts on this if yall want to. if you made it this far i love you please hydrate and eat today and youre so sexy ahaha 

“and even though im finished / im not quite done with it” even though hes finishing his symphony by blowing it up, hes now realizing he wished he hadnt blown it up and that he hadnt killed himself. man. 

-

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 4 (Cont)

The gremlin challenges Tsubasa, a Symphogear, whose entire shtick is to sing to channel power, to sing.

It dawns on her, however, that Tsubasa is part Greninja. Tsubasa used Shadow-Weaving! It’s super effective.

“tell me, you jellyfish looking weirdo...”

“hey- hey, time out. are you gonna do what i think you’re gonna do. this is gonna like, kill you. you know that, right? that you will literally die? you do understand you can just retreat now or- or just take hibiki away, right? i even told you that was the whole point of this... uh... oh shit.”

“ARE YOU READY TO JAM”

“tsubasa please i will literally lend you my remaining brain cell to stop you from this really stupid mistake”

Dad has entered the server.

“oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. o- ryoko. stop breathing on me. this isnt helping my anxiety over my adopted daughter figure literally preparing to kill herself over my commands.”

“sorry babe its just the asthma, forgot my inhaler”

“i cannot FUCKING believe of ALL the opponents i had to fight i had to fight the DUMBEST one on the goddamn block, you idiot, you absolute dunce, RETHINK THIS”

“OH GOD SHE’S DOING IT! SHE’S DOING IT! THE ABSOLUTE MADWOMAN- FUCK- FUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE! FUCK! FUCK!”

“just used up my last brain cell for this attack, pal. you’re through.”

“NAH, EAT ASS YOU- YOU GODDAMN MANIAC”

“HAHA YEAH, GOT YOU NOW, SLOW WALKING, DRAMA INDUCIN’, PURPLE RAIN CHANN-”

“OH GOD! YOU TELEPORTED! YOU’VE GOT SV_CHEATS SET TO 1, DON’T YOU! NOCLIPPING LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS GET OUT OF MY FACE”

“WHOA WHOA WHOA WHAT THE FUCK WHOA I KNOW I CRACKED SOME JOKES BUT WE LITERALLY JUST MET AND I- I GOTTA KNOW PEOPLE FIRST BEFORE THIS SHIT AND- OH GOD PLEASE STOP”

“OH GOD! THIS... RAW, GAY, REPRESSED ENERGY... IT’S... TOO STRONG...”

The gremlin could not begin to comprehend Tsubasa’s intense love for incredibly well-built redheaded women.

Hibiki can, though.

“SO......... MUCH........... SAUCE...................”

“.................................................”

The gremlin retreats after getting her licks. This scene subtly implied something; the Nehushtan armor she wears regenerates over time, which means no matter how much damage it sustains, it will always return in one piece. The same can’t be said for the user, though.

Hibiki runs to Tsubasa, checking if she’s okay, totally oblivious to the gravity of what just happened.

“i came just as i could and ive brought happy meals for everyone”

Genjuro asks if Tsubasa is okay.

I dunno man, this is a pretty tough judgement call here. I mean, is she okay? Pain is a pretty subjective experience, after all.

“oh my god i get it. i get the joke she implied. she wanted to jam. she’s jammed! cause it- it looks like jam! no, wait, its more like sauce...”

It dawns on Hibiki that people actually do die during this job.

Tsubasa, as it turns out, survived her Swan Song. It makes sense that she would because she was naturally receptive to her relic, Ame-No-Habakiri. Still, the injury comes with great gravity. She’s benched for the next season, and it’s likely she’s gonna miss the playoffs.

Stuck on a respirator on the edge of life, Tsubasa will probably look back at this and go, “Gosh, I was such a wild child. Haha. Almost dying and all.”

Hibiki wraps her single braincell around the idea of death. Most main characters aren’t familiar with the concept of death, you see, because most don’t die. But this is Season One Symphogear. Flirting with death is common.

Ogawa comes in to comfort her.

“dumbass had her opponent bound and the gremlin still escaped anyway”

Ogawa then explains shit we already know. Thanks, Ogawa.

“in summation: i get where you’re coming from, but stop fucking saying ‘im gonna replace kanade’, please, im begging you”

Hibiki FINALLY gets it, and naturally upon realizing, feels really bad for it. A real right and true asshole.

“oh thank god i was worried not even that was going to get to you”

Meanwhile, in Tsubasa’s mind...

“ah fuck me. im trapped in metaphor limbo. see, im falling because i clipped my wing, cause i nearly died, you know, like icarus and shit”

“hold up my gay senses are tingling”

Her senses confirmed. Kanade is in her mind, in probably the most romantic metaphor possible. There is absolutely no way to interpret all of this platonically.

Tsubasa is literally submerged in a sea of her own emotions...

Involving Kanade, and how she strives to be like her and honor her memory.

SHE LITERALLY DROWNS IN THOSE EMOTIONS, SUBMERGING DEEPER INTO THE WATER.

Tsubasa, in her Symphogear Brand Medical Cocoon for the Dumb and Beaten Down, quietly slumbers in her semi-comatose state as she wrestles the water metaphors of her own sexual identity.

The poor thing just misses her girlfriend.

Meanwhile, Hibiki sits and thinks more than usual. In a flashback, Genjuro muses about how The Gremlin wanted to kidnap Hibiki.

“i dunno maybe The Gremlin’s super lonely or shit”

“i mean if thats the case ill just adopt her too”

Since Tsubasa is away, Hibiki has to pick up the quota for teenage angst in the 2nd Division. Unfortunately, she has very big shoes to fill, but Hibiki isn’t one for slacking in the misery department. She blames herself for everything.

“im really going to fire the therapist we have around here for being pretty damn useless”

“can i be the therapist?”

“ryoko i am absolutely begging you to filter your bad ideas given the several teenage crises we’re dealing with right now”

Hibiki then yells out, for what is possibly the third time, out of the blue:

“I HAVE PEOPLE I WANT TO PROTECT”

The flashback ends.

And speaking of girlfriends.

“there is no force on this planet stopping me from having some quality fucking time with my girlfriend damnit”

Miku points out Hibiki has been pretty lonely. Says she heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from another she was messin’ ‘round.

Unfortunately, Miku is a goddamned chad.

Immediate handholding. Make no mistake. Behind those soft-spoken eyes lies an absolute master.

“o-oh, my hand, you’re holding it, so smoothly”

“hibiki, you’re my sunshine. i want to soak up your rays so hard that every piece of flesh of my body is horribly mutilated from skin cancer.”

“jesus christ miku at least use sunscreen in your metaphors”

“ill use them just for you, hibiki. just for you.”

Their relationship is interesting. When one of them is sad, the other sorta acts as an angst vacuum. You’ll see them flip flop with their points of misery with each other, but when together, those problems always melt away.

Of course, emphasis on being together. Season 1 is the worst with keep them away from each other.

“Just Be Yourself!” Miku Kohinata, Symphogear, 2012.

“fuck me, you’re right. im the protagonist. i cant just eat shit here the whole time. i gotta do protagonist things!”

“was that an invitation?”

“another time. but now... let’s just catch up.”

And so, they laugh together about how the recorded footage of the meteor shower was all black. Truly the greatest couple of all time.

It is this realization of being her own self, coupled with her renewed gay energy, and new perspective on what she must do, that causes everything to go uphill for her from here. Take note.

Here is where a God is truly born.

Tachibana Hibiki.

The end of this episode cuts to a specific dojo.

Genjuro’s dojo.

“i dont fuck around with training, even though i probably should have trained you sooner. you sure about this?”

“dadman either you do this or i will most definitely die next time”

Part of their training involves watching action movies, because Genjuro is so unreal that he should frankly be a fictional character in the very universe he exists in.

Fucking adorable.

“im so conflicted its so clear she’s part of /fit/ now but i cant help but imagine her washboard abs”

Hibiki balls even harder at karaoke now, due to her Symphogear training, and not because she’s secretly Aoi Yuki playing a recolored version of Madoka.

Her significant other is mildly terrified at the superhuman that is slowly unfolding her powers before her eyes.

In the end, things all reach their logical conclusion.

Hibiki becomes a Tekken character, just like Genjuro.

Of course... Miku pushes the fact very subtly that she would never hide anything from Hibiki...

Turmoil brews in the worst way... soon...

[o-taryn-o]

Watching The Last Jedi Thoughts and Reactions

I’ve been obsessed with reading Reylo fan fiction since the opening night I saw TLJ. Ive seen this movie a lot but thought it would be fun to watch it again and react. I guess I had a lot to comment on Rose and Finn and also DJ. Enjoy~

Wow these opening credits are super vague…

I really love this opening scene it’s 100% my favorite Star Wars opening.

Carrie Fishers daughter is super cool. Hux looks v tired and/or on drugs.

Sansa’s insane aunt from Game of Thrones. Love BB-8, I ship Poe and Hux more then Hux and Kylo tho. “punch it!” I love that they have enough time to say cute one liners when piloting a ship. THIS SCENE IS EDITED SO FUCKING WELL THOOOO. Its literally FLAWLESSLY edited. 2nd “punch it!” When the bombers show up my heart starts beating faster, my favorite action sequence ever. Not even thinking about how theres no gravity in space. I love Paige so much! Have I ever seen a asian woman save the day in a movie ever? Why are her hands so beautiful? I LOVE THE COSTUMES OF THIS MOVIE. I wonder where Kylo is? Finn bb!! I wonder why he’s in a storage room? This movie is SO SEXUAL. Love me some beautiful island porn. LOVE that Luke throws the saber, love subverting expectations. “Master Skywalker?” is so cute I have such a crush on Rey. Wow the huts are so cute. Daisy is literally so beautiful, want to be and also kiss her.  Progs, so cute. Rey literally doesn’t waste anything love it she takes the books later also. “Where’s Han?” and then cuts to Kylo love it. The fuck is a “cur”? ADAM DRIVER fuck. This room is so red, its so pretty. This movie is visually STUNNING. Ben’s hair is fucking glorious, also look at those LIPS! I just want him to be with Rey and happy. Ben is fucking loosing his mind Ryan made him look so broken I love it. “Prepare my ship!” is so sexy. Rey’s accent is so perfect. Literally what Luke said he doesn’t want to do he does by the end of the movie. Love poncho Rey! This island is so fucking cool I need more high quality pictures going around. The green milk is so funny. I love that Rey looks away from the creature in embarrassment but then not Ben’s naked chest. I need to take so many screenshots of this movie, theres so many moments people forget! Rey in the tree, so beautiful, I can’t wait to find out id those books give us any information next film. I hope the next film starts with the vision Rey and Ben saw next film. I want to see Reys dreams. I miss Carrie. 

Poe is so annoying, Leia is so right. What a great line, “get your head out of your cockpit”. How does Finn know what the binary beacon is? THIS is when shit goes down. I really like that everything in this movie goes wrong. “Follow my lead” so sexy. Ben is literally crying feeling his mothers presence. And yet people thing this isn’t a redemption story. *shakes my head* Even The First Orders uniforms are so crispty its beautiful. I really like that Leia saved herself. Finn looks so good in that jacket I’m so excited for his blue pants look. Chewy and Porgs is all I ever needed. The lights in the cockpit of the falcon are really beautiful. The shots in this movie are GORGEOUS. I feel like R2 has a really dirty mouth. I can’t wait for Ben and Rey to escape with the falcon from somewhere and then takeout. IM SO READY.  Luke is kinda creepy? Never liked Luke, Leia should have been the protagonist of the original trilogy. HOLDO is a BABE! Love her look and tone and everything she saids is bomb. I love that she talks about everyone else in the galaxy and the importance of keeping everyone hopeful. Why is there so much sexual tension between Poe and EVERYONE? I do feel like Poe is bi tho. Holdo is RIGHT, Poe is annoying and a dick. Sorry I don’t make the rules. He’s hot but wrong. Finn and Rose are so GOOD, it makes me so happy this whole scene. I’m sorry bb Rose I wish I could give her a hug. “Doing talking…” haha I love Kelly so much. Rose is v smart and I love that she stuns him and then drags him. DRAG HIM GIRL. All the men in this movie are making mistakes and the women are being smart this is true to life. Rose and Finn are honestly so perfect together. Its so annoying that Finn and Poe keep interrupting Rose, also true to life.  Maz in the next movie is gonna be into Reylo. Also “union dispute?” what the hell is Maz talking about? How and why does Poe know Maz? I love sleepy Rey, Ben isn’t even mad when he sees her. He looks her up and down so many times throughout this movie. He’s so in love before she is, its cute. Reys outfit is perfection. What Rey said actually wasn’t completely wrong. “s tension, a balance” REYLO! I love that they go into what the force is in this movie. Porgs on the ship is so cute, so is Rey in rain. Ben with his questions, I like that Ben is actually listening to her to see how she feels about him. HE LOOKED AT HER LIPS! WET GLOVES. Finn is so distracted. Pretty cool looks in the casino, those glasses are sweet. Finn/John is so hot. Love watching Rey with her staff. I need one of those belts. An ICON. Could listen to Rey’s theme all day. I feel so bad for the locals, Reys a little bit of a dick. Right when she decides to follow Luke I need that gif! This conversation is great but all I can focus on is the fact that Luke saids “huberous” twice always makes me anxious. I love space operas. Men failing, *a theme*. “I need someone to show me my place in all this” its Ben baby! DJ is cool, why does nobody talk about him. He’s such a interesting character. BB-8 is a badass. Fathiers are so beautiful. It was unnessicary for them to crash through the window and run inside, this whole case is too long. I can’t believe that they have already filmed most of the next movie. I like that Leia and Luke are talking. Now Reys asking the questions, she’s trying to understand him, she wants to understand him. I haven’t noticed till now how inconsistent their voices are over the force. Sleeping baby Ben is my favorite, with his calligraphy set? Precious. Did he show her his past? Or does she just believe him? I want to see the other cut scenes from Reys storyline. Its really cool to see Rey mirroring herself. This is a really cool scene. I’m so happy Ben has long hair in Episode 9. Bens already crying just from her telling him about how lonely she is!! They are eye fucking rn, I know what that look is. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SEEING!!! Luke fucking ruins everything. Ben must be freaking out rn. Yeah get him Rey! I love this fight in the rain. Rey is right. The thing is like how do you know someones completely evil? Who makes that judgement call? This scene is cool, love the look of Yoda. Its a lot of pressure on Rey to continue the Jedi order if she’s the one who knows all the stuff in the books, Im glad she grabbed them. “The greatest teacher failure is”, “we are what they grow beyond” GREAT QUOTES. Rose is a badass. DJ is kinda right tho. “Let me learn you something big” so funny. No one can tell me Rey didn’t wash up and get pretty for meeting Ben. Ben made sure he was the first face she saw, he looks hot. Sweet hacking skills. The iron is really fun editing, they all look really good in the uniforms. The first shot of the elevator scene is so sexual, Ben holding her lightsaber in front of him with her hands in handcuffs. Oofff.  Ryan made this scene as sexy as he could. Its so intimate. They want each other so bad. Rey whispers and leans in. Ben is so soft. His trying to hard to focus on his goal of killing Snoke and saving Rey. Rose is so salty “of course you do”. I feel like everyone puts up with Poe because he’s hot,  because he’s a dick. Another failed plan. Yeah Leia get him! I love that she just shoots. Her daughter surrendering is really funny. Leia and Holdo are so cute I hope they made out one night really drunk when they were younger that was ,y first thought when they held hands. I absolutely love Holdo’s hair. Reys outfit in the throne room is so cool. She’s so strong, Ben is trying so hard to keep it together in the back. Theres no way Snoke bridged their minds. Ben got so scared when he said that. “No” she’s so strong. Ben looks so sad. Oscar Issacs ass is fine! John is really good in this scene and Rose’s scream is terrifying. Murder in Bens eyes. Its really scary that Snoke has so much control over Rey. Rey with Bens saber is all I ever needed. Bens gloved fingers are v sexy. Also THAT FLICK! When they look at each other they know, there in love. THIS FIGHT IS EVERYTHING! When DJ saids “maybe” I felt that. They are so powerful together. I love watching them fight together, can’t wait for the 9! Ben fighting off 3 guards is so hot. Rey dropping her saber and backhanding ir is really hot. Wow this moment is so intense its so quiet. Im so mad Ben didn’t stop the fleet though. The way he saids Rey, why are both of their voices so hot. I need Rey to tell him off in the next movie the way he’s telling off her parents. “Please” murders me. Rey is so smart, she knows he isn’t good yet. This is Rey’s moment of “I know what I have to do” Its crazy that Rose and Finn almost died by being beheaded! The silent part is so beautiful. Why was Phasma so far away? BB-8 in that thing is pretty weird though. Finn is so powerful. He’s super reckless in this film. Rose is so good I want to be her and slide hug her. “Rebel scum” is such a good line. Snokes lower body falling off the throne is super graphic. Ben is so mad Rey left. I can’t wait to see more of soft Ben, I don’t like him choking Hux even though its Hux. Rose and Finn are very lucky they made it below that door. I think everyone always thinks of Rose and Finn as cute and funny, but they are honestly serious and smart. So many people died in this movie. I don’t understand how they aren’t wearing goggles if its salt, they would be crying right now. This run takes a lot more time then it is distance wise. Its so pretty though, so I don’t care. Rey and Chewy saving the day is my favorite thing. “Wooh I like this!” so cute. I love watching Rey shoot. The crystal creatures are so pretty. Finn no! Yes Rose! “I saved you… dummy. Thats how were gonna win, not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” Rose is right everyone! Listen up! Why does Ben say “no prisoners”, maybe he is bad? I love Reylo I don’t understand I believe in Ben. Is he lying to himself? Could he actually kill his mother? Luke and Leia are so sweet. Also their conversation about Ben makes everything more confusing, so he’s not gone? Aw Luke kissing Leia’s forehead is really sweet. Lukes wink is funny. This music is so good. Finn taking care of Rose is my favorite thing. The editing is so beautiful. Rey in snow >>>> Also “Lifting rocks” how does she know thats what normal Jedi start training with? Ben is such a baby in this scene, he’s so upset. I love that Rey and Finn normalize intimate friendship. Ben is the truest definition of a ‘Dark Prince’ if Ive ever seen one. I’m really glad Luke died here, its time, the sunset it really nice. 

Bens eyes say it all here. Chewy and Leia so sweet. Reys smile is so AWW. Finn putting a blanket on Rose is the best. Rey knows she’s thinking about Ben. “We have everything we need” I bet Leia had a big part in 9 I’m so sad Carrie is gone :(

This last scene with the kids is really the perfect ending, HOPE.

[angelicteeth]

are u ready to do 250 questions

i think i’m going to cry answering these so i will update you on if i did or not, stay tuned (i am crying right now its been so long since ive worked on this i feel like a piece of my heart is being shared with the world this is way more emotional than i thought sedtryftgyjlk;l’)

Aster: She/Her - Leo - 19 - 5′9

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? red, dark red specifically 2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? she likes collecting swords and daggers3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? oranges and cat dandruff 4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? she likes wearing long sleeved shirts and baggy pants a lot. she’s never without combat boots- but when she has to Dress Up for family events/kingdom stuff she tends to wear form-fitting dresses in her kingdoms colors- blue, green, and other earthy tones5. What is your OC’s first memory? she remembers playing by a river when she was around 4 or 5 and finds a dog that she later takes home with her and keeps :^)6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? she really loves black panthers and humming birds, she hates moths7. What element would your OC be? actually, she’s part of a world that has 4 kingdoms based off of the 4 elements and she lives in the Earth kingdom but i would say she, herself, is fire8. What is your OC’s theme song? something that would be Dark and get your adrenaline Pumping, not sure entirely though9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? no, i don’t! she has a kinda deep but feminine voice10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? pride11. What are your OC’s hobbies? she likes to read high fantasy novels or historical fiction novels, she enjoys exercising/training, and doing crossword puzzles12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? she’s very patient and also extremely hot headed, but she knows how to control it for the most part- unless you say something she doesn’t like/is very passionate about 13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? she’s female, a lesbian, and… well, she’s pink-ish/purple, and i haven’t completely thought about what they’re called yet- basically she’s alien14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? she really hates extremely greasy food, nothing in particular just anything with dripping amounts of grease make her gag- her favorite is probably fruits- save oranges15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? she really wants her own dragon! she wants to get one herself so she’s been saving up for it, she plans to buy one fairly soon- she’s almost to her goal! she’s always wanted one since her older brother got his16. What does your OC smell like? lavender and vanilla 17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? she currently teaches younger kids how to train/fight and she really enjoys it! this has always been her dream job, actually, or working with dragons. 18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? her greatest fear is drowning, her weakness is always needing to be right, and a strength is how confident yet humble she is19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? she doesn’t really invest a lot of time into music but she really enjoys rock and alternative 20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? she would be curious of everything but also very hesitant, she’d probably first go into a bookstore to see if we have a good selection of high fantasy and historical fictional novels!21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? her pet peeves are people chewing with their mouth open and people who think they’re better than everyone else just because they’re rich. she’s also trying to work on how she always feels the need to be right22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? she did very well in school, was top of her class and actually looked forward to going- even though she almost always looked disinterested23. What is a random fact about your OC? she doesn’t like staying up late and always has to wear socks to bed24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? she has a pretty positive outlook on life, she thinks living in general is interesting and no life is insignificant 25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? i wanted to write a well planned and thought out story about 2 girls from different kingdoms falling in love but having immense amounts of support so i did a ton of research and boom! aster was born! her design at first is practically the same as now, only minor details changed. her personality is very outgoing, she’s definitely an extroverted person but not in a bubbly sense. 26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact) and why? the most important person in her life is probably esen, her girlfriend :^) the least important is her old best friend, they drifted apart but they still mean something to her27. What kind of childhood did your character have? a happy but sometimes lonely childhood, she didnt have a best friend until she was 11- she usually hung out with her 2 older brothers 28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? she has a ring she always wears and when shes nervous/anxious she twists it in intervals of 3. she enjoys watching stim videos, typically paint or bread ones29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? probably something along the lines of “In loving memory of an angry, tired soul” because she’s always Angry and Tired esen probably wouldn’t let her put that on her grave tho30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? yes! she’d love to get married :^) she’d want a small but fancy wedding. she does want kids, but only 1. 2 tops31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? most traumatic experience would have to be when she was 3 and almost drowned :^) hence her fear, and her favorite memory is probably when she surprised esen randomly with a bouquet of red roses and a necklace that has a pink carnation on it, which is her favorite flower. she could never forget how esen’s eyes lit up and it felt like her smile could swallow her whole32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? she doesn’t know, she’s still trying to figure it out33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? probably, the person would most likely have to hurt someone very close to her or just piss her the fuck off to no return34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? her father is the king so her family is Royalty. theres lots of balls and parties where she plays the role of a charming and sophisticated daughter who knows Exactly what everyone who comes up to her is talking about she zones out SO MUCH at these parties, she’d rather be with esen35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? if nobody is around, she’s usually day dreaming. it’s one of her favorite things to do. she thinks fondly back on memories, but not super often 36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? i think she just wants freedom the most. she enjoys living in her kingdom- but there’s just so many people and she’s tired of them. she wants to live out on a farm or a secluded place with esen, doing whatever they please whenever37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? she often jogs in place because she always needs to be moving38. What would your character do with a million dollars? please do not give her a million dollars she has NO self control39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? water, grape juice, a fruit bowl, and yogurt. she probably has her work out clothes on the floor right now, and some books. on her nightstand is the book she’s currently reading, a lamp, and a candle. in her garbage can is some papers she crumpled up and a banana peel40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? to the local theater to see some of the younger kids put on a play. she’d probably wear a white tube top, fancy-ish black pants, a black blazer, and black heels. she’d go with esen and maybe her 2 brothers!41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? depends on who/what she’s angry at but she typically bursts out screaming, sometimes getting so frustrated she pulls at her hair. she’s very loud when she’s mad42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? she has a scar across her nose, she got it from when her and her brothers were play fighting and one of them didn’t realize it was a real knife and accidentally cut her43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? when she was like 6 she called her mom an old hag serdtfygiuohi she doesn’t like to say mean/offensive things but that slipped out 44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? depending on if she asks for it or not, she takes it very well… unless you say it out of the blue when she didn’t ask for any, then she would probably say something snarky back and get angry with you 45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? she actually really enjoys pineapple pizza! it’s her favorite. she’d probably ask you for more46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? she’d probably display it on her bookshelf but never see if it actually works, she’s paranoid about it47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? she doesn’t actively draw but she likes to doodle if she’s really bored! she draws pretty well, she’d be excellent if she actually practiced but she isn’t really into it48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? her parents are very loving and supportive! it’s affected her very positively, she’s very kind and humble- if she didn’t have amazing parents i don’t think she’d be the way she is, she’d most likely be mean- maybe even cruel49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? she does like candy! it’s one of her weaknesses, actually. if she eats a lot of it, she does get a sugar rush- which is kinda bad because she’s even louder than normal and even easier to agitate, but she’s also a lot more bubbly and giggly 50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? she’d probably think about it for a couple hours- or even the whole day. after that she would try to make her last days count but also try to avoid death at all costs. she’s a very determined person, and hates to give up

Esen: She/They - Pisces - 22 - 5′1

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? pink!2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? she collects stuffed animals, sea shells, stickers, and dolls !3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? nothing!4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? pink, frilly, lacy clothes! she loves dressing like a doll, honestly. very into pastel. but when she has to go to a party she wears her kingdoms colors- white and black5. What is your OC’s first memory? her first memory is when she was 6 and sitting on a picnic blanket in the spring with her mom while her dad and older siblings played a game of hide and seek6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? her favorite animal is bunnies and butterflies while her least favorite is spiders7. What element would your OC be? her kingdom is based off of air and i have to say i agree! she’s definitely air 8. What is your OC’s theme song? bubblegum bitch by marina and the diamonds9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? nope! but her voice is very sweet and soft, like candy10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? envy11. What are your OC’s hobbies? reading classic, romance, and historical fiction novels, doing arts and crafts, and embroidering 12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? she’s extremely patient and not very hot-headed, when she’s angry she turns very cold13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? genderfluid, pansexual, japanese/alien- idk ! she has fairly pink skin14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? she really enjoys sweet things and fruits, she doesn’t really enjoy anything with a ton of salt15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? she’d really love to have a bearded dragon! her older brother used to have one and she would help take care of them often16. What does your OC smell like? she tends to wear floral scents a lot !17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? she works with her mom as a seamstress! she really enjoys it because she works on big, frilly dresses the most- which are her favorites. her dream job is to own her own dress shop18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? her greatest fear is never being able to wake up again, a weakness is how cold she is toward other people, she more often than not comes off across cold even though she looks so sweet and inviting. she’s actually very cruel. a strength is how nothing ever gets to her- she’s blocked out anything negative. the only opinion that matters to her the most is her own, and sometimes her girlfriends19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? she typically listens to lana del rey, marina and the diamonds, nicole dollanganger, and other artists that sound similar. her favorite song is dog teeth by nicole dollanganger or queen of disaster by lana del rey20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? she’d probably react similar to aster21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? she’s a very emotional person but never lets anyone see, she always appears cold and harsh. the only person who’s managed to help her open up more is aster, which she is extremely grateful for. she’s working hard to be kinder and smile more. a pet peeve of hers is people wearing shoes around their house, she thinks it’s very rude and disrespectful22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? she was an amazing student, as was aster, she was top of her class and managed high scores on everything23. What is a random fact about your OC? she often loves laying in bed and just scrolling through cute animal videos, it helps calm her down24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? she has a very realistic outlook on life that can sometimes be very dark and depressing. she doesn’t really know how to feel about life and living, she’s still very much trying to figure it out25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? it’s the same answer as asters but nothing has changed about her design! she has a very cold and stoic personality, but once she opens up to you she’s very loud and bubbly26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact) and why? most important person in her life is aster, her girlfriend, and the least important person is probably her father27. What kind of childhood did your character have? she had an okay childhood, she doesn’t remember much about her father but she does remember spending a lot of time with her mom and her older siblings 28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? she often chews/picks at her lips when nervous and she likes foam and slime as a way to stim- she also loves paint mixing videos 29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? something snarky but thought provoking 30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? she does want to get married! but only to aster. she’d be okay with 1 or 2 kids31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? most traumatic memory she has mostly blocked out- she doesn’t like bringing it up but her favorite memory was when aster slept over at her place and they just had a really sweet, romantic night in. they watched movies, ate junk food, laughed until they cried, and started a scrapbook together- she really cherishes every moment with aster in general but that one is her most favorite32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? a caring father33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? yes, not much, probably because someone hurt her family or aster. she might even end up killing her father but that’s a whole other story34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? her family, like aster’s, gets invited to parties often because her father is an Important Dude so she often goes to those and pretends to be a loving, caring daughter35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? she daydreams almost all of the time, living in memories or just in her own little world. she isn’t worried often, only when she’s feeling really down36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? what she wants most, she has, for the most part- and that’s aster. aster is what she’s dreamed of all her life, someone to care about her as much as she cares about them, someone who will accept her for who she is- bad and all. she wanted a place to call home, and aster is her home37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? she cries all the time. she cries for everything. she doesn’t let anyone see her, but once she’s alone she weeps. for something lost, something found, something happy, something sad, when she’s mad or when she’s scared. she cries for it all38. What would your character do with a million dollars? she would buy so much jewelry and beautiful dresses but also spend a ton on aster39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? peach tea, green tea, chocolate almond milk, grapes, and some vegan cheese. there’s nothing on her bedroom floor, she likes it to be clean. she has a rose gold clock, a book, reading glasses, and a cup of tea on her nightstand- and there’s nothing in her garbage can40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? somewhere with aster, probably one of her favorite white dresses, frilly white socks, white platform heels, and a white/baby pink parasol41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? she immediately turns cold and shut off, but if she’s alone she’ll cry because she’s so overcome with emotion- if she’s in public and someone has made her mad she will be calm but cool, deflecting whatever they’ve said and most likely proving them wrong42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? she doesn’t have any scars!43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? she always says something offensive to her dad which changes each time she has to speak to him, it probably refers to what a shit person he is44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? she takes it very well but if it’s unwanted she’ll get in your face about it 45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? she enjoys pineapple on pizza, just without the cheese- unless it’s vegan cheese but she prefers it to be just the sauce and extra pineapple!46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? she would first see if it works and then after finding out if it does or not, display it somewhere. maybe even with her other dolls47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? she likes to draw! her favorites to draw are dresses and pretty people :^)48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? her mother is one of her favorite people and she has a strong hatred for her father. because of her father she is a very cold person yet still loving like her mother49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? she does like candy sometimes, she really loves marshmallows and sweet taffy! she’s never had a sugar rush before but she’s witnessed aster’s and she is Terrified but Intrigued 50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? she would 100% avoid it at all costs and probably even succeed, she’s very skilled

Bunni: She/They - Sagittarius - 27 - 5′3

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? white!2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? shells, white/lacy things, stickers, and old clown dolls! also anything care bares or strawberry shortcake!3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? dust and bees4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? only white clothes, as its her favorite color and makes her the happiest- typically lacy or frilly things! doesn’t really like pants a lot 5. What is your OC’s first memory? baking a lemon cake with her mother while her father fed her little brother in his highchair!6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? bunnies!!! and she’s deathly afraid of bees/wasps/moths7. What element would your OC be? earth!!!8. What is your OC’s theme song? a soft melody, not sure which9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? no! she has a very soft and quiet voice though10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? gluttony 11. What are your OC’s hobbies? baking, crocheting, painting, and making stained glass things!12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? a saint. the most patient. is hot-headed in private though…13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? non-binary, bi-ace, they’re an alien so… idk… they’re a periwinkle color ??? (they prefer strangers to use they/them bc she feels very personal!)14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? loves sweets!!!! LOVES THEM!!! also loves fruit! doesn’t really like meat much15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? a bunny… they are her favorite and its her name so !16. What does your OC smell like? sweet sweet vanilla 17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? her current job is her dream job, she loves it so much. she owns a little bakery/cafe!!! she would never want a job like her old one- it took so much out of her18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? her greatest fear is waking up one day and nobody remembers who she is- that jupiter and delaney don’t recognize her. a weakness is how often she takes in strangers, like she just. helps anyone. please bunni be fucking careful. a strength is despite being super kind and caring- she doesn’t take shit from anyone and WILL tell you off- extremely politely though19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? she likes anything soft and makes her feel like she’s floating on a cloud20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? she would want to go to every bakery she can get her hands on, and also craft stores21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? she’s still working through some old scars her past job has left on her, she’s much better now but some things still get to her often. usually in nightmares uh a main pet peeve is people not picking up after themselves- she hates cleaning up after others 22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? UH shy quiet kid in the back that nobody notices until halfway through the year- gets pretty good grades A’s & B’s23. What is a random fact about your OC? she hates blood because it reminds her of how much she has on her own hands24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? she has a relatively positive outlook! she thinks life is beautiful- and that she’s found things that are worth living for- including herself25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? UH well i was on a character making website and i made pretty ppl and turned them into my ocs… her design has definitely changed the most, her skin is lighter, she has white hair when originally she didn’t have any. its hard to describe but i like her design a lot more now- it suits her better26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? her brother, delaney, and jupiter!!! her old boss- for a lot of various reasons he’s a scumbag god27. What kind of childhood did your character have? a very happy and loving childhood!!! loves her parents so much28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? she clicks her nails together when she’s nervous/anxious. she fucking loves cooking/food, paint mixing, soap cutting, and foam videos! has slime and foam of her own she likes to stim with. sometimes chews on a rubber bracelet she has with her all the time29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? ‘In Loving Memory of a Sweetheart’ or something cute30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? maybe? she really wants a wedding tbh… doesn’t want any kids! maybe adopting but most likely not 31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? a mission at her old job went horribly wrong and everyone but her was killed. she still blames herself to this day. her favorite memory is when she was sitting on the couch, jupiter next to her and delaneys head on her lap. delaney was having a random lazy day and just wanted to hang with her girlfriends. bunni was happy to hang with them when delaney said that she thinks this is what happiness/loves feel like- content and home. and bunni started crying because she loves them both so very much32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? a giant kitchen thats strawberry shortcake themed33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? never again.34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? uh idk she just lives at her bakery and loves her gfs ok35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? very active! she loves daydreaming and she worries SO MUCH god please let her rest. tries not to think of anything from age 18-24 but anything before that is peaceful and relaxing 36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? she’s pretty content, doesn’t know what she wants. mainly to help delaney- she’d do anything for her girlfriends 37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? she really likes face masks so she’ll put a couple different ones on throughout the day very often and sing opera… i don’t know why…38. What would your character do with a million dollars? buy so many things for her bakery/cafe but also probably herself- finally buy a collectors item she’d been eyeing for weeks- months even39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? fruit, peach tea, almond milk, orange juice, some vegetables, butter, and a pitcher of fruit water. her bedroom floor is clean as is her garbage can! on her nightstand is a little twin stars clock, white frilly lamp, the comic she’s borrowing from delaney, and a glass of water40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? probably somewhere with jupiter and delaney! definitely wearing a white off the shoulder top, white skater skirt, white fishnets, white platform heels, and a white hat! 41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? clenches her fists if she’s mad at someone else, trying not to take it out on them. feels like she’s boiling from the inside out. usually distances herself and screams as loud as she possibly can42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? she has quite a few scars all over her body from her previous job 43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? “if you don’t shut the fuck up right now I’m going to rip your arm off and stuff it up your ass so you can choke on it” her job made her. pissed. 44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? depends but she’s relatively neutral, unless its about her baking bc she is So Proud of it 45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? she. loves it? would eat a whole pie by herself. maybe 2.46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? she would Not see if it actually works and probably give it to delaney or put it in a glass case display so nobody will fuck with it 47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? she likes to draw the cakes or sweets she wants to make!48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? love them!!! great people!!!! helped her keep her sanity!!!!!49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? Do Not Give Bunni Candy, Please50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? you bet your ass she would try to fucking avoid it at all costs and run away with her girlfriends

Jupiter: She/Her - Cancer - 26 - 5′6

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? yellow!2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? makeup, tigers, plants, and anything floral !3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? some perfumes4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? loves crop tops and high waisted shorts, sundresses, off the shoulder tops- anything that makes her feel beautiful 5. What is your OC’s first memory? her and her sister discovering an injured dragon and taking them home to help save it!6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? TIGERS!!! big cats! fucking hates ducks ???7. What element would your OC be? earth! loves plants. loves outside. 8. What is your OC’s theme song? something pop and upbeat!9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? no claims but a sweet yet silky kind of voice10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? lust 11. What are your OC’s hobbies? video games, makeup, and doing nails!12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? pretty patient, only gets hot-headed when irritated or annoyed13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? female, bisexual, and also alien…she is Green… don’t know much else 14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? loves pasta, bread, fruit, and anything cheesy. doesn’t dislike much, but fucking hates pickles15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? she wants a cow. so badly. idk why. just loves them. moo bitch. moo. 16. What does your OC smell like? very floral 17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? she’s a personal stylist! she enjoys it, she never really had a dream job. 18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? being buried alive is probably her greatest fear. a weakness is how emotionally attached she gets to people, how invested she becomes. a strength is her people skills- despite having bad anxiety 19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? indie, pop, alternative are her go too’s! harry styles, lorde, and such. loves sober by lorde a lot!20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? try out so much food, would be so interested in everything and probably try talking in depth to everyone she meets21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? she has very severe anxiety she’s trying to cope with, which has its ups and downs. a pet peeve is scratching silverware on a plate. hates the sound it makes. 22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? very talkative and social, wanted to be everybody’s friend. very likable- mainly got B’s23. What is a random fact about your OC? she hate socks??? never wears them. only wears heels or sandals24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? very optimistic, looking forward to the future very much. loves life, thinks its fascinating and loves watching it grow and just. be. 25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? the same as bunni but I haven’t changed her design at all!26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? her girlfriends, delaney and bunni, and her sister! least important is a stupid ex who won’t leave her alone 27. What kind of childhood did your character have? pretty good! had lots of fun and loads of friends- but never a best friend 28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? twirls her hair and bites her nails when nervous or anxious. doesn’t really stim unless its slime!29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? “I’ll Haunt You If You Even Think About Looking At My Grave” 30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? married, yes! maybe to kids- not opposed but doesn’t really want one31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? delaney got into a bad motorcycle accident once and they didn’t know if she was going to make it… delaney and bunni threw her a surprise birthday party that was summery themed and she cried sedrftgyhu she wasn’t expecting it and she felt SO loved32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? mental stability ! she hates her anxiety sooooo much 33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? probably not! but you’d have to hurt her gfs or her family to get her to really consider it… or ruin all her makeup…..34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? doesn’t do jack shit she only cares abt her gfs and sister35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? she daydreams often, but not as much as you might think. she’s almost ALWAYS worried, her anxiety is Awful36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? she’s pretty okay right now… has all she wants, really. 37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? she has a pretty elaborate skin care routine and performs it roughly twice a day38. What would your character do with a million dollars? buy so much makeup and clothes, spoil her gfs, and probably save some money for her little sister39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? fridge would be the same as bunni’s they live together but her floor has a pile of clothes in the corner, random makeup items, and empty bottles of pink lemonade. her nightstand has a cute floral clock, her rose gold watch, and a pair of sunglasses and her garbage can is empty bc she just throws shit on the floor all the time, sigh40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? somewhere with bunni and delaney, probably. she’d probably be wearing a floral dress, maybe sunflowers, white wedges with wood bottoms, and a little gold purse! 41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? she doesn’t get angry super often but she’s Loud and probably cries, acts like a little kid most likely 42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? nope! she’s scar free43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? if she’s ever catcalled she definitely says something Nasty to the person44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? she takes it well and acts stoic because of her job, she’s trained very hard to be the perfect stylist! 45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? she doesn’t mind it but it’s definitely not her fave 46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? fucking chucks that thing so far away from her and hopes it never returns 47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? she often designs things for clients if they want something specifically made for them but that’s about it!48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? her parents were very kind and sweet people, she really loves them a lot but they aren’t extremely close 49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? she enjoys very sweet candy, but nothing else! she’s had a couple sugar rushes but she crashed Hard from them, no matter how small they were 50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? she’s so stressed her anxiety is through the ROOF but delaney and bunni help her and they spend a lot of time together! she’d probably try to find a loophole, though 

Delaney: She/Her - Gemini - 24 - 5′11

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? dark dark red or black 2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? comic books, knives, and cool jewelry for her piercings 3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? nothing she was made to be Perfect4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? typical punk/goth/emo clothes! a lot of fishnets, chains, boots, belts, and jackets5. What is your OC’s first memory? white walls, tests, experiments, sterile smells, moving shadows, blinding lights, wakeupwakeupwakeup6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? loves snakes, lizards, and all that jazz. doesn’t care much for birds7. What element would your OC be? fire, sigh8. What is your OC’s theme song? something sad and emo, probably, but also fast paced and adrenaline pumping 9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? no but her voice is… smoother than you expect. she looks like someone with a gruff voice but its nice and smooth, angry sounding but not necessarily Gruff it is kinda deep tho10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? wrath11. What are your OC’s hobbies? reading comics/graphic novels, riding her motorcycle, annoying jupiter and bunni12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? sheeeee’s patient depending on her mood? typically Isn’t because she likes annoying people but when she actually cares she’s very patient. pretty hotheaded, definitely says a lot of shit In The Moment 13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? female, lesbian, ??? she’s… an experiment so technically an alien and a human? they merged both of them together… i haven’t fleshed this part out a whole lot 14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? she… Loves… pancakes…. and wings with curly fries….. and food. she discovers she really fuckin Loves food. hates pickles god fuck15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? a big ass snake tfgui16. What does your OC smell like? for such a long time she would just smell like a hospital but now that she’s her own person she experiments with a bunch of different ones, she’s still trying to pick a Fave because everything just smells so fucking nice17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? she’s very confused on the whole aspect of jobs and making a living, bunni and jupiter mainly support her bc they make A Lot but encourage delaney that she can get a job If She Wants one… she’s kinda looking into working at a comic book place, tbh18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? hospitals, doctors, needles specifically IVs or shots, and dressing gowns. she can be very emotionless at times which can be off putting but she just genuinely doesn’t know how to react tfuygi but it can also be a strength??? she has a lot of Love in her which is essentially what saved her :^)19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? she mainly listens to instrumentals??? or sad/emo/goth music20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? oh god please Don’t she’s already confused by her own world drftgyhui21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? she was an experiment for the first 16-18 years of her life and she still often has that mindset, even though it’s been years… she’s trying to work through it and her fears but it’s so fucking hard lol 22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? she would’ve been a dumbass trouble maker had she actually grown up as a normal being 23. What is a random fact about your OC? she really fucking wants to get her tongue split, she currently has it pierced though 24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? Not Good.25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? saaaammmeeee as bunnniii and jupiterrrrrrrr26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? bunni and jupiter! her gfs! the gorls! uhhh a doctor at the place where she was created :^)27. What kind of childhood did your character have? awful, lonely, painful28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? the uh doctors where she “lived” used to experiment on her with drugs and she developed a codependency with heroin for a little bit, and it was the absolute fucking worst thing in the whole world. now, though, she just drinks kind of excessively 29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? “experiment: fuck your bitch”30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? married, possibly. kids, hell no. 31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? she was about 8 or so, and wandering the halls of the ‘hospital’ when she stumbled upon a room with someone her age strapped down to a table. she watched silently as they were tortured and its forever burned into her memory. doesn’t help she remembers everything vividly, but that one sticks out to her the most. her favorite memory is literally just watching her gfs do something or just hanging out with them rdftgyui she’s So in Love but doesn’t know how to fucking voice anything 32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? …revenge 33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? yes. any doctors who hurt her. they wouldn’t have to do fucking anything, they’ve already done enough. 34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? none35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? she tries her best to distract herself all the time so she can’t live in her memories, but that only helps so much 36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? peace. quiet. anything. 37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? every time she puts on socks she has to go on a slippery surface and Slide 38. What would your character do with a million dollars? she has no idea she’d probably just fucking stare at it until bunni or jupiter said ‘hey you can get ____ this now’ and she’d be like ‘oh shit i can Get Things’39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? nothing on her floor, a stack of comics shes reading, a random book she found and actually liked the idea of, some candy40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? bunni and jupiter, somewhere Nice, would for once probably wear nice dressy-ish clothes so basically a suit, minus the jacket unless they’re going to a restaurant, and a red button down with a black tie 41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? she… explodes? yeah. its… not fun42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? y e a h she has scars on her arms from experiments and self harm, she has one on her face going through her left eyebrow, a couple on her stomach and legs, and one Big one her knee43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? she says stupid shit all the fucking time, sigh44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? blankly 45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? fucking loves food will c o n s u m e it46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? sheee displays it, actually! she doesn’t test it, though, she’s not stupid47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? she cannot do jack shit48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? doesn’t have any 49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? she loves candy a shitload but isn’t really affected by it??? unless she eats like a gallon of sugar 50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? she honestly probably ends up avoiding it because she’s that cursed, sigh

[throw-books-around-like-con-blog]

Human Teacher – Marsha Hackett, teacher at Jackson High School “The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green, published in 2012

I am embarrassed to admit … The Fault in Our Stars is the very first John Green book I have read. I have seen the movie and I have also seen his movie “Paper Towns,” which is based on another book he wrote, but this is the first book of his that I have read. One might be embarrassed to admit this detail because John Green is a global phenomenon; his books have sold millions and I know so many people who read his books in high school. I was always curious about the fandom and popularity of John Green books, but chose to avoid that curiosity because I am not a big fan of love stories, which is the primary focus in most of his books. Rather than pick up a John Green book, I chose to read a science fiction novel like The Hunger Games or Divergent. I have to say, while I purposely avoided John Green books for years, I am thankful that a teacher recommended I read “The Fault in Our Stars” for my semester blog project.

The teacher who recommended the book to me is actually my best friend’s mom. I have known Mrs. Hackett since I was in 7th grade, and let me tell you, she is the last person I would have expected to suggest this book to me. However, I figured, if she liked it, then it must be a good book.

After reading this book, I understand why she recommended it to me and I especially understand why millions of people are obsessed with John Green books: This book was INCREDIBLE.

The Fault in Our Stars is a fictional love story about a girl named Hazel and a boy named Augustus. Hazel has been fighting Stage IV thyroid cancer since she was 13 years old and Augustus is a survivor of osteosarcoma. They meet for the first time at a cancer support group and their love progresses throughout the story. This is a novel about first love, true love, happiness, sadness, sickness, pain, heartbreak, and hope.

Hazel and Augustus are an unlikely couple as Hazel is very blunt, outspoken, sarcastic, and has a habit of keeping people out of her world due to the fact that she is a “grenade.” She said “I’m like. Like. I’m like a grenade, Mom. I’m a grenade and at some point I’m going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?” (Green 99). She is also obsessed with the book An Imperial Affliction, with crediting the author as her “Third best friend” (Green 13). Augustus is a character himself, a character who “Fear[s] earthly oblivion. The oblivious fear is something else, fear that I won’t be able to give anything in exchange for my life. If you don’t live a life in service of a greater good, you’ve gotta at least die a death in service of a greater good, you know? Everyone wants to lead an extraordinary life” (Green 168-169). Augustus is a typical 17-year-old boy who loves video games and The Price of Dawn, a science fiction novel referenced throughout the book; he believes in romantic gestures and also insists on calling Hazel by her first and middle name (Hazel Grace) throughout the book.

I really enjoyed the way Green wrote this book. He wrote it in a way that the reader could make personal connections with the characters. When Augustus “Lit up like a Christmas tree” (Green 214) (referencing the fact that his cancer was back), I as a reader felt truly sorry for him and it absolutely broke my heart when him and Hazel broke down crying because “It’s just so goddamned unfair” (Green 214). When Isaac (Augustus’ best friend) had to get his lone-standing eye removed to prevent future cancer, I felt so sad that he would never be able to see his beloved video games ever again, and it also made me appreciate the fact that I have eyes and that I can maneuver myself around and live independently, whereas Isaac would always need assistance. Every time something sad would happen in this book, I felt so sorry for the characters, and although the characters are fictional and this whole story is fictional, events like these actually happen to people.

One of my favorite parts about this book was the symbolism that took place. My favorite form of symbolism was Augustus’ cigarettes. In one of Hazel and Augustus’ first encounters with one another, Augustus pulled out a pack of cigarettes and put one in his mouth. With him knowing that Hazel could barely breath out of her lungs due to cancer, she was furious. However, he assured her that he wasn’t actually going to smoke the cigarette. “They don’t kill you unless you light them. And I’ve never lit one. It’s a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do it’s killing” (Green 20). Although a metaphor, Augustus’ cigarettes symbolize the fact that he is in control of his own life; something like cigarettes can’t kill him if he doesn’t let it. Throughout a majority of the story, Augustus was in control of his life because he was cancer-free. However, the symbolism of controlling his life by not lighting the cigarettes was almost a form of dramatic irony; page 214 revealed that the cancer was back and it was going to control his life until his death.

Another symbol that also acted as a motif (as well as Augustus’ cigarettes) was Hazel’s oxygen tank and cart. Her oxygen tank and cart, sadly, symbolized weakness, sickness, reliability, and the constant gawking from people. The symbolism is obvious on page 141. As Hazel, Augustus, and Hazel’s mother were in the airport getting ready to depart for Amsterdam, they had to go through airport security, and rather than get searched by hand, Hazel “chose to walk through the metal detector without my cart or my tank or even the plastic nubbins in my nose. Walking through the X-ray machine marked the first time I’d taken a step without oxygen in some months, and it felt pretty amazing to walk unencumbered like that” (Green 141). Hazel usually feels weak due to the fact that she has to rely on her oxygen tank and cart to survive, and while those objects typically symbolize weakness, sickness, and reliability, she felt a sense of strength and power when she went without it for a few moments.

Another thing I enjoyed about this book was the foreshadowing that took place. An example occurred when a quote by Peter Van Houten, author of An Imperial Affliction, was featured on a page before the story even started. This signified the importance the author would play throughout the book. Another instance of foreshadowing took place on page 229 when Hazel said “I never took another picture of him.” Although incredibly sad, due to the fact that it foreshadowed Augustus’ death, I always enjoy when foreshadowing takes place in a book.

The Fault in Our Stars is a depressing book about love and death, to say the least. This book gives any hopeless romantic the hope that they took might find their own Augustus Waters (while hoping that their love story doesn’t have a somber ending). I thoroughly enjoyed this book because it gave me an even bigger appreciation for my life and my health, and also made me realize how lucky we all are to be alive, healthy, and well. This book also showed me, as well as others I assume, that no matter how sick you are, you must continue to have hope and fight on, and you mustn’t ever give up. If Hazel and Augustus can summon the bravery to keep fighting and living their life, so can everyone else.

As I end this post, I leave you with a quote by Peter Van Houten from his book, An Imperial Affliction.

“As the tide washed in, the Dutch Tulip Man faced the ocean: ‘Conjoiner rejoinder poisoner concealer revelator. Look at it, rising up and rising down, taking everything with it.’ ‘What’s that?’ I asked. ‘Water,’ the Dutchman said ‘Well, and time.’”

[asksansweredpdf]

These are actually solid questions

1. First thing you wash in the shower? my hair

2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? i can’t stand coffee. and alcohol might as well be my blood at this point

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? haha noooo. he was nice but i felt literally nothing. was like kissing a brick wall or something. tbh i never feel much when i kiss boys

4. Do you plan outfits? YES. i’m a drama queen and a diva and flamboyant and i need to look good always. i have my graduation in 2 days and i still haven’t planned what to wear and it’s bothering me

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? tbh pretty numb. like not happy and not sad. just. .... chillin

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? my track pants

7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body? well with the mood im in now, i probably wouldn’t react. but the logical side of my brain would kick in and i’d phone it in to the police. 

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? it’s still that one about the creepy old dude touching me in the car. 

9. Three of your current feelings? -introspective -apathetic

-wistful

10. What are you craving right now? tbh i would very much love to hug my stuffed pink harold. but he’s downstairs and i just don’t have the energy to walk haha

11. Turn ons? not rly in the mood to answer these

12. Turn offs?

13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? this vine

14. When was the last time you cried? Why? idk like over a month ago. i had to work a thursday night shift which is always super stressful. and that day my sister just started beating the shit out of me so the anxiety was like double

15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be? ironman. any day. or spiderman because it’d be fun to just swing around the city listening to music peacefully

16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? nope. she doesn’t even know that i know about half the shit she did. never ever apologised about the stuff she knows i know about. no acknowledgement. no apology. just pretends it never happened

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick it 

18. Favorite movie ever? idk i like frozen and pride and prejudice and the hunger games

19. Do you like yourself? i like myself, but i can’t seem to justify why. i don’t really have an identity. i don’t know what i’m like. and so it’s hard to like myself when i don’t know what i like about my self, or why i do. but i enjoy being myself.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? i met stan walker once? he’s a minor celebrity in australlia

21. Could you handle being in the military? part of me would thrive in the structure and forced exercise and socialisation. another part of me would completely crumble because like i have anxiety

22. What are you listening to right now? i don’t give a ... - missio

23. How many countries have you visited? india, america, canada, australia. so 4 i guess

24. Are your parents strict? you betcha

25. Would you go sky diving? sure yeah. i’m afraid of heights so the adrenaline would be wild

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? nah. i dont give a shit about him. maybe i’d go if he paid for the food.

27. Whats on your mind right now? literally nothing. mostly thinking about endgame. i’m also thinking about taking my mum’s anti anxiety meds since she doesn’t use them and i have anxiety. but i don’t want to take them without professional advice. but also, i am a professional advice. and like what could happen? i’d get mentally ill?

28. Is there anything you want to say to someone? nah i dont really feel like talking atm. i guess i’d ask if they wanted to go for a smoke. i would love a cig rn

29. Have you ever been in a castle? no but i would love to!!

30. Do you rent movies often? not really, i just watch stan/netflix

31. Whats your zodiac sign? cancer sun, leo moon, libra rising

32. When was the last time you had sex? i haven’t had sex

33. Name five facts about yourself. i honestly don’t think i know enough about myself to do this but let’s give it a go -i have short hair -i love music more than literally anything -i turn 21 this year and i have no idea what to do for it -i’m thinking of getting a motorbike soon -i’ve never broken a bone

34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened? nope

35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny? i used to. and i absolutely would love to believe in all that stuff. but not to sound angsty or whatever, i’ve had so many shitty things happen to me that it’s hard for me to believe that it’s all part of some big plan or that there is any justice in the world. i think people just do shit and that’s it

36. Brown or white eggs? ive never had white eggs so..... brown?

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? nah we dont have it in australia

38. Ever been on a train? yeah man i love trains

39. Ever been in love? not mutually, no

40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it? it’s a million bucks. absolutely. one night of terror to never have to worry about anything ever again. i’m a witch too so as much as i’d be scared, it’d be fine.

41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with? someone rich and famous. maybe harry styles or freddie mercury. i’m sure they didn’t have it easy, but it’s certainly easier than things have/ever will be for me you know?

42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to become more attractive, would you do it? absolutely

43. Whom do you admire and why? i tend not to admire irl people. but i do admire tony stark a lot (GOD this is so lame ksajrsjkfs). i admire his charisma, his confidence, his humour, his good looks, his intelligence, his eyes. he embodies everything i feel like i can never be. but everything i’ll always want to be.  i admire freddie mercury. for his work drive and ethic. for his confidence and stage presence, his ability and talent in singing, songwriting, musical instruments. his flamboyancy, his sense of humour. again, these are all qualities i would love to have.

44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child? oh i never really got read bedtime stories

45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do? internally, i’d be like “that sucks for you” and walk away. but i can’t be a dick, so i’d assess the extent of the fire and see if there was a way to save the baby. i’d try if so, if not idk what i’d do. panic and call 000?

46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you? nah man. gotta let kids live their lives 

47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: the night i just moved out of home 2 weeks ago. my roommate invited a friend over, and we all had fun and played never have i ever and i flirted with this really cute guy and had so much fun. i hadn’t really had any experiences like that before because i was - anyway. it was nice to feel like a normal 19 year old just for a second weed: either the time i was drunk and high at our housewarming party and went to the park and felt like i was on a fucking rollercoaster, or the time i got super cooked after work and had a shower which felt amazing and then went back to my room and listened to beautiful people beautiful problems. i didn’t hallucinate per se, but i closed my eyes and could like see the lyrics “blue is the colour of the planet from the view above”. it was like i was in outer space and could see the earth and i was so relaxed and it was so magical mdma: my halloween party! there were so many people and no one knew i was high and we had a mad dance party and i met some of our neighbours and i just had so much fun talking to everyone and Living. 

48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: being around boring people when drunk is boring. especially because when i’m drinking i really want to have a good and fun time.  weed: ahh i have anxiety so i used to get a few panic attacks when i was smoking mdma: eugh it was my friends 21st at the time and we took mdma and i thought it wasnt kicking in because all we did was sit in bed and talk. literally so boring. im so mad that i wasted my first time like that

50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it? nah, i’d probably hand it in to the police. actually, i dont trust the police so i’d probably google what to do with it. but probably police because i cant have stolen money or give it to someone else. 

51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them? not hanging out with someone because of that has literally never even crossed my mind

52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger? nah. i’m actually going places now days

53. How old were you when you lost your virginity? tba

54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires? nope

55. If you could live forever, would you want to? yeah probably. i’d like to give it a trial run though. i’m very anxious, so being lonely and immortal might make it worse. but at the same time, being immortal might make it easier to not give a shit and to be less anxious

56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are? honestly i feel like jane villanueva or peter parker

57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit? i would love to be a victorian bitch with a bomb ass dress and waist

58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? probably not. unless it was someone i really hated, i wouldnt give a shit

59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? i mean i wouldn’t be the best person for the job, but i also wouldn’t be the worst. if i could have time to properly study politics then yeah i’d consider. 

60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to? i’d probably want a girl but i dont really see any reason to not have a boy

61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy? be wealthyyyyyy

[writingguide003-blog]

'A different way of living': why writers are celebrating middle-age

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/a-different-way-of-living-why-writers-are-celebrating-middle-age/

'A different way of living': why writers are celebrating middle-age

Viv Albertine, Deborah Levy, Lavinia Greenlaw and Rachel Cusk are redefining life after menopause, children or divorce and it has never looked so good

When Viv Albertine performs her 2009 song Confessions of a Milf live, she alternates between two voices. Theres the saccharine lisp of a brainwashed housewife chanting home sweet home, and theres the raging chant of an angry punk proclaiming that if you decide one day that youve had enough, you can walk away. Though swans and seahorses mate for life, we aint so nice.

In the 70s, when Albertine performed with her punk band, the Slits, she appeared fully immersed in her performance of exuberant anger, but also strikingly unformed, too busy bouncing and shouting to hold the gaze of her audience. Then, she retained the vulnerability of her younger self, but there was a steeliness underlying it. Now she stares out at us, no longer interested in hiding.

I chose being an artist over being a wife, the housewife sings, predicting sadly that now Im gonna lead a very lonely life. But then the punk takes the lines over and the life shes going to lead becomes very lovely. By the end the two voices have exploded into one and theres a joyfully furious torrent of wife wife wife life life life that ends with a list of the household activities that are being abandoned by the housewife and reclaimed by the artist: cooking, cleaning, baking, washing, faking, fucking, cleaning, shopping.

In her recent memoir To Throw Away Unopened, Albertine describes deciding to return to music after more than a decade as a housewife, ending her marriage as a result. In the past century of fiction, the middle-aged male protagonist has sprawled and rutted his way to a kind of bathetic greatness in the hands of Philip Roth, John Updike and Saul Bellow. The middle-aged woman has appeared far less often as a protagonist questing for a style and identity, but that is changing fast.

Enjoying the freedom that no longer being constantly looked at by men brings Viv Albertine. Photograph: Duncan Bryceland/Rex

Albertine is one of several writers this year to tackle lives that follow divorce and the menopause. Lavinia Greenlaws forthcoming novel is a middle-aged love story. Deborah Levy uses the moment of transition from one life to another to fashion a new story about femininity in her living autobiography The Cost of Living. Like Albertines, Levys career began in an era when the young insisted on their own youthfulness. Whats striking is that both writers have found a way to incarnate their middle-aged selves in new voices that dont reject the spontaneity of punk but reinvent it in a quieter yet no less vigorous form.

It was possible that femininity, as I had been taught it, had come to an end, Levy writes, tired of serene femininity and of corporate femininity. There were not that many women I knew who wanted to put the phantom of femininity together again … it is a role (sacrifice, endurance, cheerful suffering) that has made some women go mad.

The task is both to create a new life and to redefine what being a woman means. Albertine returns to singing and buys a new haphazard home for herself and her daughter. Levy discards the marital home and installs her daughters in a flat, where she mends the plumbing in her nightie and transports her groceries on a liberating electric bike. One female friend teaches her to live with colour and another provides a writing shed.

Deborah Levy discards the marital home and installs her daughters in a flat. Photograph: Sheila Burnett

For both writers, theres a particular pleasure in the physical freedom that no longer being constantly looked at by men brings. Its easy to assume, as a young woman for whom being desired matters above all else, that much will be lost when men start looking at younger women. But Levy and Albertine enjoy it when men are no longer central. I get the same lurching thrill now when Im about to sit down to an egg mayonnaise sandwich and a packet of plain crisps as I used to get when I fancied someone, Albertine remarks. Ive had two great loves: my mother and my daughter.

Albertine is here in a lineage with Germaine Greer, who published The Change in 1992 aged 53, and has recently reissued it with new material. Greer urges women to accept the changes of age. She suggests that HRT, used to minimise the symptoms of the menopause, is part of a male-centric conspiracy to contain the wisdom and rage of older women. There are positive aspects to being a frightening old woman, she writes.

Greer describes how, aged 50, she looked ahead into what seemed like winter, ice, an interminable dark. But having grieved for her younger self, she finds freedom and calm on the other side, attained through giving up on sex. Younger women might find it impossible to believe that when they are no longer tormented by desire, insecurity, jealousy they wont be as dead as a spent match, but they can look forward to a whole new realm of experience.

Beguilingly, Greer compares the difference between the clamorous feelings of the younger woman and the calmness of the apparently withdrawn older woman to the difference between how the sea appears to someone tossing on its surface, and how it looks to someone who has plunged so deep that she has felt death in her throat. The older woman can love deeply and tenderly because she loves without the desire for possession.

Free to command attention in new and more authentic ways Doris Lessing circa 1975. Photograph: Express/Getty Images

Women through the decades have claimed something of this liberation through age. When I first read Doris Lessing, I wasnt convinced by her announcement in a 1972 interview (when she was 53) that the physical changes of middle age had been one of the most valuable experiences that I personally have ever had. Now Ive come to admire her explanation that in middle age a whole dimension of life slides away, and you realise that what, in fact, youve been using to get attention has been what you look like, leaving you free to command attention in new and more authentic ways.

Lessings 1973 novel The Summer Before the Dark is a great portrayal of this moment of transition, and a book ready to be rediscovered. Kate Brown, a pretty, healthy, serviceable housewife, becomes disillusioned when her children leave home and her husband has one too many affairs. She accepts a job as a translator for an international conference, dyes her hair a sleek red and has an affair with a younger man. But its in what follows that her real discoveries are made. She becomes sick and spends weeks in a hotel, consumed by a fever that sends her deep into herself and then leaves her alone, stranded far away from her married life, curiously free. Wandering the streets in ill-fitting clothes with dishevelled hair, she discovers what it is to be ignored by men. And when she returns home, she insists on keeping her hair as it is: plain, greying, tied neatly behind her head, as Lessings was when she wrote it. Her discoveries, her self-definition, what she hoped were now strengths were concentrated here she was saying no: no, no, no, NO a statement which would be concentrated into hair.

This is a charged yet odd novel, as baggy as Kates clothes. Characters are introduced and discarded; Kate begins one phase of life after another apparently at random. One of Lessings achievements was to find a structural equivalent for the mental state of middle age. As children leave home and sexuality changes, several women describe being left with a feeling that the script they grew up with has run out. This is both frightening and exhilarating. And it opens the way for a new kind of plot.

Illustration: Nathalie Lees/Guardian

So the love stories with middle-aged women as protagonists take on a more episodic form, with love itself presented as an ambivalent prize. In 2016 there was AL Kennedys Serious Sweet, a romance between two damaged loners. And now theres Lavinia Greenlaws In the City of Loves Sleep, published next month, which offers us a story of lovers neither beautiful nor certain nor young. This is an elegantly meandering tale in which the lovers repeatedly connect only to lose interest in each other, stuck in a kind of endless middleness. Perhaps falling in love in middle age is in part the desire to experience fixity again, the narrator muses. But the drive for fixity is thwarted by the form of this novel, which is determinedly fluid, as if in search of a style appropriate for the fluidity of the middle part of life.

Levy experiments with form in The Cost of Living, discarding the traditional literary structure as she discards the marital home, and creating a memoir out of a collage of deftly interconnected fragments. Objects perform a lot of the work here, often appearing to know more than the humans who surround them. When the I no longer quests for the familiar goals of love and marriage, the authorial persona becomes a subtler figure, glimpsed through shadows. Levys bike threatens to become a major character and relegate her to a minor player, though we can see Levy winking at us as it does so, less shadowy than she might appear.

Nowhere is the narrator more occluded than in Rachel Cusks spare, strange trilogy Outline, Transit and Kudos. On one level, these are novels about a marriage ending and a woman, Faye, seeking new forms of freedom as her children move towards independence. In Outline, Faye describes herself as trying to find a different way of living in the world. But though Cusk is interested in questioning ideas of femininity, she seems most concerned with using the dissolution of familiar structures to seek a new concept of selfhood and a new structure for the novel.

By Kudos, the characters all speak in the same international voice and the narrators experiences at the hands of men are interchangeable with those of all the other divorced middle-aged women she encounters. One of these, Sophia, observes that shes coming to think that too much has been made of the distinctions between men, when at the time the whole world had appeared to depend on whether I was with one, rather than another. By this point the committed reader is coming to think something of the same about characters in general. Perhaps in all our novel reading, weve made too much of the importance of individual characters, when it turns out to be more general truths that matter.

The truths revealed here resonate with those explored by Levy and Albertine. Near the end of Kudos, Faye has a revealing encounter with a woman called Felcia, who has just lost the final battle of her marriage for custody of her car. Now, cycling exhaustedly across the city, impoverished, mocked even by her mother (Look at what all your equality has done for you), Felcia accepts that she has not found freedom by leaving him: in fact what I had done was forfeit all my rights.

Its not wholly a coincidence that a bicycle should play a central role here, as in Levy. Bikes have served as symbols of independent womanhood since the turn of the last century. Felcia, cycling around stoically, has something of Levy and Albertines doggedness and dignity in countering the assaults of the world. She hasnt gained the freedom she sought in separation, but its also clear that she couldnt have remained with a man prepared to treat her as her ex-husband does. Freedom, in all these books, becomes less of a good in itself once the struggles become primarily practical. But this doesnt invalidate the initial urge for freedom that takes these women out of their marriages. Its an urge towards a life lived in good faith, which is what all of Cusks characters are struggling in their different ways to do. The peculiarly even quality of Cusks prose doesnt just provide a literary equivalent of the middle years, it points us towards the thought that the way to act with integrity may be to relinquish the struggle for individuality, though the singularity of her style always works bracingly against this.

An urge towards a life lived in good faith Rachel Cusk. Photograph: Richard Saker for the Observer

Cusk presents us with a radical new vision of communality at this stage of life, one which asks us to consider that we dont yet know what solidarity is. This takes us back to Levy, guided in her new life by her female friends, and to Albertine, accepting that the love that means most is the love of women. And it opens up the question of feminism.

Greers suggestion in The Change is that men have been denying women the right to a quietly sex-free middle age in championing HRT. In this context, the acceptance of middle age becomes a feminist act, and the same seems to have been true for Lessing in 1973, whatever her crotchety scepticism about womens lib. Certainly Kates rage in The Summer Before the Dark is rage at men who have told her she will be fulfilled by appealing to their lust. It was a rage, it seemed to her, that she had been suppressing for a lifetime. This is a woman poised to explode into Albertines cries of wife wife wife life life life.

Its significant that the women Albertine has loved most are her mother and daughter. The death of Albertines mother is a central event in her book, as Levys mothers is in hers, offering one form of feminist connection. Albertine describes learning her rage at the patriarchy from her mother. Dont ever give the biggest slice of cake to a man, you take it for yourself! she informed her daughters. And now in middle age, Albertine feels that she is turning into her mother. I can see [the patriarchy], I can hear it, I can feel it, and Im burning up because of it. Levy, looking back with love on the war between myself and my mother, quotes the US writer and activist Audre Lorde: I am a reflection of my mothers secret poetry as well as of her hidden angers.

Read alongside the reflections on the death of the old forms of femininity, this allows the older generation of women to have a voice in the poetry and anger of the present. And Lorde herself is a mother figure for these writers; the essays collected in last years posthumous collection Your Silence Will Not Protect You have something of the energy of punk. Im saying that we must never close our eyes to the terror, she told Adrienne Rich in an interview when in her 40s, recovering from breast cancer and reconstructing her sense of herself in middle age. At this point it seemed vital to attend to the chaos which is black which is creative which is female which is dark which is rejected which is messy which is sinister, smelly, erotic, confused, upsetting.

The erotic is significant here, connected as it is to the dark and the messy. The role of the erotic in middle age troubles many of these writers. Greenlaws Iris finds that the rigmarole of undressing for sex with a new lover feels like a foolish masquerade: They are two middle-aged people trying to persuade themselves into sex on a Sunday afternoon. Things improve when they forget about surfaces and allow themselves something more diffuse. But if Lessing and Greer advise abandoning sex altogether, Lorde insists that the erotic remains key to everything. This is no longer the young girl taking pleasure in being looked at by men. In Lordes hands the erotic transcends narcissism and patriarchy and becomes the force that binds our sense of self with the chaos of our strongest feelings. This is a force that connects women to each other and perhaps especially to their mothers. Lorde advised all women to listen to the black mother within them, who she believed countered Descartes with: I feel, therefore I can be free. It seems all the more appropriate that Levy should think of Lorde in mourning her own mother.

Yet this is not a simple tale of freedom-seeking daughters realising their mothers hopes for a better world. Theres a disillusionment, too, because if feminism has now become mainstream, theres a danger of it becoming an accoutrement of a society that hasnt changed in the ways that the feminists of the 1960s and 70s hoped it would. This is presented as clearly not good enough. If the news upsets me I just switch it off, sings the housewife in Albertines song. But what more can she do in her angrier punk incarnation? Is it better to watch the news? To sing and write about it? Is this a necessary component of the freedom of the middle-aged woman? And will it help her feel more free or just enable her to be committedly feminist as she seeks her freedom?

Freedom and calm on the other side Germaine Greer. Photograph: Yui Mok/PA

The answer may lie partly in the complex sense of the communal evoked by all these writers. Arguably, its more necessary than ever to form communities of insight and sensitivity situated determinedly within the realm of feminism. Whats compelling in these books is that other more uncanny lines of affiliation can coexist with this. Its important that Albertine remains connected to punk, Levy to surrealism and psychoanalysis, Cusk to particular strands of European high modernism.

But we search in vain if we turn to these books for answers, partly because these writers are more interested in asking questions, and partly because they are too singular, and too defiant, to tell us what to do. Greer ends by announcing that though younger people anxiously inquire, and researchers tie themselves in knots with definitions, the middle-aged woman is about her own business, which is none of theirs. Women come racing up from behind, asking how to negotiate the next phase. But were not going to learn much because, Greer says, the middle-aged woman is climbing her own mountain, in search of her own horizon, after years of being absorbed in the struggles of others. The ground is full of bumps, the air is thin and her bones ache. Nonetheless, the ascent is worth it, however baffling it may seem to others. Greer exhorts her middle-aged readers not to explain or apologise. The climacteric marks the end of apologising. The chrysalis of conditioning has once and for all to break and the female woman finally to emerge.

Lara Feigel is the author of Free Woman: Life, Liberation and Doris Lessing (Bloomsbury).

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[swipestream]

Sensor Sweep: David Lindsay, Robots, Hollow City, H. Beam Piper, Jonah Hex

Lit-Crit (Jewish Review of Books): It’s a bit surprising to come across Harold Bloom’s confession that the literary work that has been his greatest obsession is not, say, Hamlet or Henry IV, but a relatively little-known 1920 fantasy novel. After all, Bloom is our most famous bardolater.  When I took an undergraduate class with him at Yale, he announced his trembling bafflement before Shakespeare’s greatness in almost every lecture. In the course of his career, Bloom has named a handful of other literary eminences who compel from him a similar obeisance—Emerson, Milton, Blake, Kafka, and Freud are members in this select club—but one does not find David Lindsay on this list.

  Writing (McSweeneys): I had a whole gaggle of 100-point bucks in my sights, sleeping peacefully on their feet, like cows. The way they were lined up, I could take down the whole clan in a single shot of gun, clean through their magnificent oversized brains. That’d be enough (deer) meat to last Nora and the baby through the harsh Amarillo winter. I shifted my weight in my hidey spot, snapping a twig and pouring more pepper on the fire by muttering, “God dammit all to hell.”

  Gaming (Modiphius): Conan the Brigand is the complete guide to the nomadic brigands of the Hyborian Age, providing the gamemaster and player characters with all the resources to run campaigns that embrace the path of the brigand, or are affected by it. Here within these pages are all the resources needed to bring to life this outlaw world!

New material to expand your Conan campaign, with brigand-themed castes, stories, backgrounds, and equipment, allowing you to create your own unique brigands, nomads, and raiders.

  Science Fiction (Brian Niemeier): The Unz Review shows how the Right all too often rushes to enshrine earlier Leftist subversion simply because it precedes current Leftist subversion.

This time, the subject of misguided right wing hagiography is John W. Campbell, Jr.

Alec Nevala-Lee, an Asian-American science fiction writer, has here written something remarkable: an intentionally PC multi-biography that nevertheless manages to be well-informed and informative, well-written and compulsively readable.

    Science Fiction (Unz.com): Alec Nevala-Lee, an Asian-American science fiction writer,[2] has here written something remarkable: an intentionally PC multi-biography that nevertheless manages to be well-informed and informative, well-written and compulsively readable. It’s the first substantive biography of John W. Campbell, Jr., the man – or, as we’ll see, some would insist on “the white male” – who basically invented modern science fiction; and that last point means that to do so properly, we have to take into account the three men – yes, again, white males – whose writing careers he promoted in order to do it.

  Fiction (DMR Books): The Ivory Trail was Talbot Mundy’s fifth novel and his most widely reviewed book up until that time.  It was serialized in Adventure magazine in early 1919 under the title On the Trail of Tipoo Tib and then published in book form by Bobbs-Merrill later that year.  It received a largely positive reception but was quite different from his previous books in that it was set entirely in East Africa, amid Mundy’s old hunting grounds.

  Tolkien (Pages Unbound): I first picked up Tolkien when I was very young (sometime in elementary school).  Some fantasy had come into my hands—some book or another, or perhaps the original Final Fantasy game on the NES.  My mom said, “You know, if you like that, there is a book you would like . . .”  I’m not even sure if my mom has ever read The Hobbit, which is a testament to its cultural cache.  I did not immediately acquiesce.  I was a pretentious child—before I became a man and put away childish things like the fear of seeming childish—and I initially rebuffed my mom’s efforts.  But a book is a book, and I didn’t have so many laying around in those days, so I didn’t wait long before reading it.

  Science Fiction (G. Scott Huggins): Robots. I have never really understood why there is an obsession with stories about robots. As with fae, I understand the attraction of having robots exist in a story. What I don’t really get is stories about robots. Robots as the reason for the story. Yet many, many people love stories about robots. Isaac Asimov, arguably, built his career on an obsession with robots. I can’t think of any other piece of future technology — with the possible exception of spaceships — that has inspired such a wealth of stories about them. Can you imagine a whole subgenre of SF devoted to, say, laser guns?

  Fiction (Wasteland and Sky): Super powered cop Adam Song has dedicated his life to the law. In the military and the police force, Adam ruthlessly protects the innocent.

But this time he’s killed the wrong bad guy. Now the local drug lord’s son is dead, and the boss is out for Adam’s blood. Even his secret identity won’t keep him safe. The police department hangs him out to dry, his years of exemplary service forgotten. Adam must take justice into his own hands to keep his family safe.

  Fiction (Fiction Fan Blog): When a young lady comes to Sherlock Holmes for advice, what at first seems like an intriguing mystery soon turns into a tale of murderous revenge. Mary Morstan’s father disappeared some years ago, just after he had returned from colonial service. He had been in the Andaman Islands, one of the officers charged with guarding the prisoners held there. A few years after his disappearance, Miss Morstan received a large pearl in the mail, and every year for the six years since then, she has received another.

  Gaming (Walker’s Retreat): Following the whinefest by Fake Game Journalists over Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, Oliver Campbell of the Metro City Boys put together a supercut of how he prevailed over the game. As the saying goes, “The master failed more times than the amateur ever attempts.” That’s what it takes to beat this game: persistence.

Every game of this sort has similar requirements of persistence to succeed. Oliver here goes over how he did that. Skip to 14:10 for the lesson, taken from Rocky Balboa.

  Acting (Chris Lansdown): Thanks to frequent commenter Mary, I recently learned about the existence of William Gillette, the first man to play Sherlock Holmes, mostly on the stage but also in a silent film.

Born in 1853, in Connecticut, William Gillette was a stage director, writer, and actor in America. In 1897, his play, Secret Service, was sufficiently successful in America that his producer took it to England.

  Gaming (Rampant Games): I played over 70 hours of No Man’s Sky when it was originally released.  Unlike others, I wasn’t disappointed. Yeah, it got repetitive and lonely at times. There was a starkness to it that no amount of lush procedural visuals could overcome. It’s changed a lot since then, graphically, in gameplay, and it has true multiplayer. Sadly, I haven’t had the time to devote to it. Yet.

  Fiction (Razored Zen): This is a collection of stories selected by Joe Lansdale, and including in introduction by Lansdale. Before I talk about the individual stories, I’ll give my overall viewpoint. I’d generally say I enjoyed most of the tales but the title is very misleading. A better title might have been, “Tales of a New West,” or something along those lines. Most of these tales are nowhere near  traditional westerns. Lansdale is clear in the introduction that that was what he was looking for but the title certainly would have led me to expect a different sort of collection.

  Writing (Rawle Nyanzi): Larry Correia, the Mountain Who Writes, is a personal hero of mine. His advice to writers is to be prolific: write lots of stuff, then release that stuff, then write some more, release some more, and so on. I am often in awe of how much he writes and publishes, and I wish that I could reach even one-tenth of his yearly output. To him, “writer’s block” simply isn’t a thing — he presses on, no matter what.

  Fiction (Adventures Fantastic): Henry Beam Piper was born on this day, March 23, in 1904.  He died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in 1964.

Piper is not well known today, and that’s a shame.  In his lifetime, he was best known for two series, The Paratime Police and the Terro-Human Future History, as well as the stand-alone short story “Omnilingual”.  His best known novels include the Little Fuzzy subseries of his future series and Space Viking, which was a major influence on Jerry Pournelle.

  Fiction (John C. Wright): Abraham Merrit is one of the foundational authors of speculative fiction, and it is a shame that he is not well remembered. I blame a deliberate effort of John W Cambell Jr and his protegees to undermine the fame of pulp authors in order to glolrify the more nuts-and-bolts fiction following the model of Jules Verne or Buck Rogers.

Now, I like Hard SF or Tech SF as much as the next fan of Asimov, Clarke, Heinlein, Niven, Pournelle, Baxter, &c., but I also like the pulps and their freedom from strict genre restraints, and I hate snobbery in all its forms.

There is no wrong way to have fun.

  Fiction (Rich Horton): Today would have been H. Beam Piper’s 115th birthday. His first novels were the two serials discussed below, published in books form as Crisis in 2140 and Uller Uprising. (A version of “Uller Uprising” had actually appeared as part of the Twayne Triplet The Petrified Planet a year earlier.) In addition to those novels, I append a short look at perhaps his most famous story, “Omnilingual”.

  Comic Books (Broadswords and Blasters): In 1993, editor Karen Berger at DC Comics forged a new imprint that focused on stories geared at a more mature audience and creator owned works as well. The end result was the creation of Vertigo Comics. Such early titles included, naturally enough, a transfer of already established titles such as Shade the Changing Man, The Sandman,[1] Swamp Thing, Hellblazer,[2] Animal Man and Doom Patrol. Soon after, new titles, both ongoing and limited premiered under this imprint including Neil Gaiman’s Death: the High Cost of Living, the Matt Wagner-helmed Sandman: Mystery Theatre and Peter Milligan’s Enigma.

      Sensor Sweep: David Lindsay, Robots, Hollow City, H. Beam Piper, Jonah Hex published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames

[smstith-blog]

The Great Escape

How do you escape?  Do you do so through relationships, cliff jumping, unwinding after work in a bar, or talking for hours to a friend?  And what is escaping really?  Why do we do it?  Why do we need it?  Is it helpful? Is it second nature?  For me, at least, I know what my great escape is and that is art in its many forms.

Since it’s my escape, I often wonder what art is.  Is it simply to bring beautiful things into the world? Is it to help us learn things about ourselves and each other that we didn’t know before? Or, perhaps, it’s the combination that’s important.  Learning within, either about ourselves or each other, is bringing beauty into the world.  We escape into ourselves and from there we learn or we pause or we heal.

To me writing has always been my great escape, from reading books to watching movies.  For awhile I’m elsewhere.  For awhile I get what I need, and often I learn something new about myself or about life in general.  That’s what today’s blog post is about—where I escape to and why. And if anyone wants to share their escapes and maybe even why they need to escape, feel free to comment below or on my Facebook page.

I do not pretend to be a critic or to understand how a movie was intended to be.  I only know, as a viewer, how it resonates with me.  And if you are unfamiliar with any titles I am about to talk about be warned.  Spoiler Alert is in affect.  

Sometimes I dream of finding love—the kind that should only exist in fiction, even though I know this to be far-fetched.  It’s an impractical idea from a girl who has spent far too much time in her own head.  It’s even more outrageous for a girl who doesn’t have the energy to keep up with a boyfriend.  And I don’t have to.  That’s where story-telling comes in.  One of my favorite things to do of late is watch re-runs of Dawson’s Creek before I go to bed.  Pacey Witter is the boy I would banter with if fantasy were real.  He’s a wise smart-ass, which is the best kind.  He’s sexy and romantic, but he’d punch a bully in the face for you and still name his boat True Love.  I remind myself he doesn’t truly exist.  He’s a character played by an actor spouting lines a writer or team of writers wrote.  Still, he keeps me company.  And if life had been different, Pacey Witter is the type of boy  I would have looked for to marry.  In a drama series I learned that I’d want a man who could pull a quip as fast as I could, call me out on my bullshit, always make me laugh, and be romantic without thinking it made him less of a man. Even though I’m not out in the world making my own romantic mistakes, I’m still learning.  I understand what it means to me.

Another character I have spent time with is Jace Wayland from the Shadow Hunter series by Cassandra Clare. I was first captured by the MOVIE version.  I was so enthralled with him (which is weird because he’s blonde, and I normally go for the tall dark and handsome type) that I bought the books and have read the series at least three times and will probably re-read them again after I finish re-reading Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë, which is one of my favorites too.  

Jace is the warrior type.  He fights demons after all!  Yet, he’s a bad-ass that can play piano, be vulnerable, and fight for love while doing it so carelessly cool.  He plays in my head when I need to feel tough.  I imagine a female character as tough as him with him. They’re entwined in love and always have a weapon or two up their sleeves.  I like the contrast of that.  I like the mystique of him.  He has an untouchable quality in any enduring sense, yet he finds a soul mate anyways.  I like that.  To me that’s sexy, and since fantasy is my favorite thing to write it’s right up my alley. I can get lost in the Shadow Hunter world any time.  I’m still upset to this day that they dumped the sequels to the movie, but I will always be grateful for Jamie Campbell Bower who played him so well.  Making that movie so well from all fronts for a female who loves fantasy was art.  I’m their target audience, and I loved it!

I’ve been suspended in the struggle and impropriety of Penny Dreadful.  They took something daring, messy, and bloody and made it evocative.  This series ended too soon, but I loved every minute of it.  Vanessa Ives struggled with evil, real true evil. She felt turned away from God, but her friends never turned away from her.  Ethan Chandler had his own crosses to bear, seemed simple but was complicated, and would have died for her. Sir Malcom knew her from childhood and loved her as a daughter, then hated her, then grew to love her again, because he saw in her the same things that were in himself—which weren’t endearing qualities, but qualities they needed to survive in their lives.  This show twisted the works of Oscar Wilde with his character, Dorian Gray.  I loved this book, and I love the spin they gave to him for the show.  There were other familiar villains given a new twist such as Dracula and Frankenstein and his monster—or in the show’s case, monsters. There were familiar faces like Billie Piper and Josh Hartnett (who played Ethan Chandler) that played characters with tragic pasts and bloody futures.  The entire cast did an amazing job.  The writing was phenomenal, and they touched on diversity, rank, and status that still exists to this day.  This was a show you watch to see how many boundaries can be pushed and how far actors can reach. And all the actors in this series showed impeccable reach.

I even fell for the Twilight movies, and I’m not embarrassed to admit it since I didn’t fall as hard as some. But who wouldn’t want to be Bella stuck between Edward and Jacob?  I’m a Jacob girl all the way.  He was described as the warm best-friend.  Who wouldn’t want to end up with that?

I love how certain movies could have gotten it wrong but got it right.  Like how Warm Bodies was in a way making fun of the zombie craze yet it did it in a way that was funny, original, and just good.  Ironically or on purpose they ended up creating ANOTHER good zombie movie.

Vampire Academy is my guilty pleasure.  I’ve watched it at least half a dozen times, because I think it did what it was mean to.  Parts of it showed overacting as teen dramas tend to do, yet it had a story line that wasn’t too deep or to shallow.  And the actress Zoey Deutch portrayed her character well in scenes and with lines that weren’t easy to pull off. She made the movie for me.  I think it was supposed to be a “bad, non-serious, non-accolade” type of movie, but as far as “bad” goes it’s top of the list for me.  This shows that everything has a place and not everything is meant to be the same.  Follow certain rules.  Break others.  Create something.  Some people will get it, and some people wont. Not every line needs to be a soundbite.  Not every story needs to be deep.  Sometimes you just need to laugh, figure out how the script of a show works or didn’t, see how actors can make or break good and bad writing.  Realize how much effort and people it takes to make a good movie or a good book.  For me, just knowing these people, characters, writers, directors, set designers etc are out there makes me feel like part of the world, because when I like a movie or a book, they’re all speaking to me, and my fandom speaks to them.

And today I watched A Walk to Remember.  Jamie dies of cancer in the end.  Her tragic teen love story changed her love interest, Landon, who otherwise would have ventured down a different path with likely hard, unfulfilling consequences.  I don’t like sad endings. Life is hard enough, why take the time to watch something that will make you cry?  Today, with this movie, I made an exception, because at least her death has a point.  She changed him.  Where there was sadness at least there was a silver lining.  I find that in life, if you look hard enough, good usually can come from the bad times too.  I don’t believe we are meant to suffer like these characters did, but until we fix the world’s tragedies, at least we can grow from suffering instead of taking it in and letting our pain add to the collective.

The Farthest Away Mountain by Lynn Reid Banks is what dropped me into the world of words.  This book intrigued me so much that from fourth grade on, I never have stopped reading.  As children we used our imagination to play with dolls or to pretend to be superheros, but until I read this book I didn’t know imagination could go deeper than that or last longer.  It awoke something in me.  My teacher, Mrs. Brock, used this as a class read.  She used this book as an example of how to write creative sentences. And every time she put a plain one up on the whiteboard my hand was first in the air to jazz it up.  With her encouragement, I found that words were inside me too, and I enjoyed playing with them and urging them to come out.  Back then I never realized how much writing would mean to me and not just my own.  Stories have kept me company. Stories have made me laugh and imagine and wonder and hope and feel joy when I need those sensations most.

In Mansfield Park by Jane Austen (which is my favorite Jane Austen book) I sympathized with Fanny Price while wondering if it was weird, in modern times, to root for her ending up with her cousin.

I’ve learned love and forgiveness with A Course In Miracles.  

I can’t wait to get my hands on anything by Marianne Williamson.

Then there are books like Harry Potter.  I wished to be in his world, from being at Hogwarts to the Burrow, to giant friends and Diagon Alley, and from Lord Voldermort to believing in something so much you’d die for it.

My point with these erratic examples is that art in any form takes us away for awhile.  I don’t have to be lonely.  I can imagine there are Pacey Witters in the world.  I don’t have to be bored. I can go on an adventure with Jace Wayland.  I can find boundaries in my mind being pushed with shows like Penny Dreadful.  And I can be inspired by them all.  While I sit silently while people talk about their normal lives, I’m laughing in my own head with characters I’ve read or watched and characters of my own I hope to share with others to make them laugh some day.

I’ve escaped real life when I needed a break and learned something along the way with all of these characters and countless more.

Something true that will always stay with me is this:  ART IS THE GREAT ESCAPE

What is yours?

[kishimoto-did-us-dirty]

Naruto Arts School AU

Character

- major

description

Naruto

-Drums

okie nobody can deny that our main boy over here is a loud soul, however, he can also carry a damn good beat that compliments his band mates’ music really well. Tbh, he sucked at music to begin with and had trouble matching rhythms and listening to his band mates when they played, however he eventually became a really good rhythm maker.

Sasuke

-Guitar (lead)

He’d be assigned to the same band as Naruto, and that’s how they met. This boy is a damn good guitarist y’all, but has attitude problems™, and used to not be able to deal with Naruto’s haphazard beat making, thus perpetuating a rivalry between the two. He constantly feels overshadowed by his elder brother Itachi, a piano major.

Sakura 

- Dance

Ya girl fucking demolishes every single dance routine. Initially starting out with a focus on ballet (pre-shippuden in canon), our pink headed queen soon realized that she wasn’t getting the full experience of what it meant to dance. Her point shoes were her loves, however they hurt and nipped in places not just physical. She realized that she didn’t want to be pigeonholed into a genre of which she would be inhibited by standard, and rather to dance so as to forget technical perfection. Thus, what would partner with post-shippuden Sakura in canon, Art School AU Sakura got into hip-hop. And bitch, she goes hard. A lot of the other girls who she used to dance ballet with admire her for her absolutely BODYING her dance routines, but also for never sacrificing her femininity to dance and not taking BS for being a girl who goes so hard in a male-dominated genre. (Some people believe that hip-hop is heavy hitting and a little metaphorically “dark” so to speak, which Sakura is not. So obviously I expect a little disagreement regarding this, however if you look at people like Delaney Glazer or Kaycee Rice, that is how Sakura would dance). 

Hinata

- Creative Writing

Shy and bookworm-like, Hinata can write the best poetry, romance and adventure pieces out of all the creative-writing majors. She’s especially good at writing character relationships and development, and has such a subtle sense of intelligent wit in her writing, that if you blinked you would miss it. However should you catch it, you’re sure to chuckle. Her only struggle is that she tends to drag on in important scenes, stretching them against the regular flow of the rest of her writing. Needs validation for her writing through an IV drip.

Kiba

- Drums OR Photography

Drums for obvious reasons (loud and obnoxious), although ruff boi looks good with a camera, too. Great at landscapes and street photography.

Shino

- Creative Writing OR Photography

I could definitely see Shino having fucking beautiful handwriting, and being a beast at writing anything within the sci-fi realm. I could also see him doing some journalism, and writing for the school paper. He’s very good at the logic of his sci-fi books and coming up with logical but enrapturing stories, that intermingle knowledge and mystery. He’s a very specific type of read, however, and may not appeal to all, however if you enjoy anything similar to Star Wars or Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, then Shino is your author. If this doesn’t float your boat, though, try photography-major Shino. He can get the best angles of bugs he sees, and has an extensive portfolio with entomology-related snapshots.

Ino

- Dance

Like Sakura, she, too, began with a focus on ballet, however began to branch out into contemporary ballet a little later than Sakura. This is another reason why Sakura switched her focuses, as she and Ino had always had a fierce rivalry for dieting (ballet dancers are pressured to be as thin as possible) as well as battling for technical perfection when they were ballet focused. As the two grew, Ino focused more so on contemporary, but can certainly do some hip-hop with Sakura every now and then, just as Sakura occasionally takes a contemporary class with her. The two still have a rivalry, however, just not to the previous extent as when they were actively competing against each other. They’re more like sisters. 

Shikamaru

- Guitar (bass) OR Creative Writing OR Architecture

Smart boy’s a tricky one. He would either be a bassist, a mystery and historical fiction writer, or, of his school offers it, be great at architecture. Idrk.

Choji

- ermmmmm….. maybe graphic design? Tech theatre (props)? Vocal???

Choji is hARD dwnccnpc (that’s what she said). I could see him behind a computer screen, animating and designing games/covers/posters or whatever. He could also do something in theatre, but I don’t think he would do anything up on stage. Something like props would suit him. He might do something in music, tho???? Can he sing???? Help??? 

Tenten

- Dance

Always has been, and always will be a hip-hop dancer. She wanted to be like Tsunade, a legendary dancer and followed in her footsteps, taking up hip-hop. (that’s why Sakura focused on hip-hop, too, because Tsunade mentored her and taught a few of her classes, too). Tenten is fast and can keep up with any beat. Not only is she a great dancer, but she’s also athletic, and does track and field (cross country), football, and softball at another school too, since the arts schools doesn’t offer it. Overall great dancer with styl. She’s really looked up to by some of her underclassmen for her cheery, but badass style and skill.

Lee

- DANCE (hip-hop, too)

It’s sweat. It’s burn. It’s energy. It’s Lee.

Neji

- Violin 

First chair violinist in his freshman year for the school’s philharmonic orchestra. He be extra like that.

Gaara

- Guitar (bass)

He had a lonely childhood with neglectful/abusive parents, and rock music really helped him with that. Emo music is emo and often made fun of, but the songs have messages and Gaara related, so self-taught himself the bass guitar to help cope, and bring him closer to the music that salvaged him.

Kankuro

-Art

Specifically sculpting. For obvious reasons.

Temari

- Acting

Girl can make you cry with some of her monologues. Total lead. Has a seriousness in her acting that makes her believable, however can falter on the less-serious roles. She may also double-major in whatever Shikamaru does. And she’s better at it than him.

Itachi

-Piano

Boy could play any etude at age 7. Performed at Carnegie Hall when he was 10. And no, he didn’t pay to play there. The hall invited him. Began composing at 9. Has perfect pitch. Owns international awards. If he’s not at school it’s because he’s traveling to play for crowds. He excels at classical and baroque, however has an ear for romantic, and enjoys playing/composing pieces either written or inspired by romantic pieces. Enjoys Schumann, Debussy, and Tchaikovsky. Hates modern classical music, though. Can only take cinematic pieces composed by people like Williams, however can’t stand Prokofiev at all. He does like modern music, though, so long as it’s outside of the orchestral/classical music realm. He likes R&B. He would have liked to do film with Shisui, particularly producing, however his parents pressure him with piano, so he helps Shisui with student films and projects outside of school (will probably pursue film after graduating, tho).

Shisui

- FILM / VIDEO PRODUCTION

Fight me on this!!! THIS BOY IS SO GOOD AT CINEMATOGRAPHY MY FILMMAKING ASS CAN’T EVEN. AS SOMEONE WHO IS IN LOVE WITH FILMOGRAPHY, TRUST ME, SHISUI HAS IT™. THE IT™. HE’S GOOD AT EVERYTHING. CINEMATOGRAPHY. DIRECTING. SCREENWRITING. GRIP-WORK. EDITING. PRODUCING. HE’S SUCH A FILM NERD TOO, AND WATCHES OLD FILMS ALL THE TIME. HE’S JUST TOO GOOD AT IT. DOES STREET PHOTOGRAPHY TOO. HE’S OVERALL A GENIUS WITH CAMERAS. Does film with Itachi outside of school and teaches him, and the two are overall geniuses at filmography. They want to start their own studio together (they do, and it becomes huge). He becomes a leading director, while Itachi becomes a producer and directs sometimes too. 

Sasori, Deidara, and Sai

Guess.

Kakashi

- Saxophone

It’s the only thing that suits him and it suits him so well. Has suave.

Obito (omfg his arms y'all)

- Not to say drums or anything, but…. drums.

Narutard 2.0. But he also dabbles in other areas of music. Like, he can also play guitar and sing. He’s also pretty good at music production. Makes R&B sometimes. He wasn’t always the best musician but proved to be a late bloomer, and really harnessed his potential. Tries to be as suave as Kakashi and his saxophone. He isn’t.

Hashirama

- Vocal

OkaYYYYYY. VOCAL GOD. CAN DO RIFFS AND RUNS AND HAS PERFECT PITCH. ALSO THE SWEETEST GUY??? WAS A CHAMBER SINGER AS A FRESHMAN. EVERYONE LOVES HIM, GOOD BOY ENERGY.

Likes to belt.

Madara

- Piano

Total prodigy, but hates classical music. Once was accompanist to Hashirama for a solo vocal performance and hasn’t been left alone since. 

Tobirama

- Viola or Cello

Some sort of string instrument and takes it very seriously. Probably plays cello because violas are violas and that’s lame (if you know, you know). Has almost as many awards as Itachi and Madara, but hates his usual piano accompanist, Izuna.

Izuna

- Piano

Also a piano god. The uchihas breed them. Hates being accompanist for Tobirama. They’re secretly best friends though, don’t tell anyone.

Karin

- Tech Theatre.

Idk why. Probably started out with props and made her way up to TD (technical director) in senior year.

Suigetsu

- Tech Theatre

Fucking hates theatre kids (I feel that (I used to be one so don’t come at me)). Assistant TD. Karin hates him. 

Jugo

- Visual Art

Paints landscapes and nature. Really good with oils and gouache respectively.

Yamato

- lmao Trumpet.

Met Kakashi since they both play brass, but boy he ain’t got that suave. That’s why he plays trumpet. Lmao he plays the fucking trumpet anjdwcnojdnn.

Rin

- Vocal

Sweetest voice and could also play the acoustic guitar when she sang. Died in a car accident junior year. Kakashi was at the wheel when they got hit by a drunk driver. Obito saw the whole thing.

Kurenai

- Visual Art

Can create dream like paintings that almost seem like illusions.

Asuma

- Cello / guitar

Used to play cello because of his parents, but loves to play guitar. Can sing but his voice is raspy from smoking.

Gai

Who the fuck do you think teaches dance?

Jiraiya

- Guitar (lead)

Used to major in lead guitar. Sucked at first. Probably has a couple, casual Grammy Awards (they’re actually not that hard to be awarded with, The Recording Academy award many people outside of mainstream media. My school has a few). Now teachers as head of the Band department at this school.

Tsunade

-Dance

Legendary dancer. Probably toured with a few famous people. Now teachers. Mentored Sakura, and mentored Ino but for a shorter time.

Orochimaru

- Idk, didgeridoo, or some shit

Definitely a wood wind. Flute maybe??? Teaches now but no one knows what he does. Pedophile. Has a thing for Sasuke. 

And that’s that!! Feel free to send in more requests!! Tell me what you think~