#my le autism

[xxstrangeangelxx]

well maybe it was your song 🥺😳that helped me become a hero😏😜

[motions1ckn3ss]

photos from what was possibly the best night of my life

bonus enj!

[cestacruz]

"Im dumb. And im dumber" the pendragon siblings

Was doodling protoverse and these are just gold so im gotta post them

Bonus Orkney siblings (minus Gaheris plus Mordred)

[queenk1ller]

i see you guys like my enjolras and grantaire designs… i offer more of them canon :3

[guidingthulite]

what a polite young man! i sure hope he wasn't saying some untranslatable cursed pun that made his best friend react like that!

[grantaire-lover-69]

Watching the Olympics thing reminded me of how autistic I am. Like what do you mean I almost died because of Les Misérables?

[tookishcombeferre]

i have wrapped myself in melodies like a lost child in blankets for a long as i can remember. blindly, i have felt my way through labyrinths seeking the safe havens beneath the organ listening for the red flares of the sun seeking the face, my prosopagnosia will not lose in the mall and the voice my synesthesia loves to paint with. dutifully, i have imagined flying picking up the broom in my hands belting as loudly as i can and soaring far above the clouds - painting my skin green because it is passable the only "girl's" role i have ever wanted. fearfully, i hide beneath the table, dodging bits of smashed glass. sometimes, the doctor and i lie side by side and wonder what not lying by omission might feel like. at other times, the creature and i discuss what it might mean to be loved. lovingly, i cradle their faces my parent's hands cupping each school boy's cheeks, as i memorize voices singing "drink with me; remember my life means something." names, i do not remember, but the songs, their communion, i know. note by note, i sing myself a home: an underground lake, a castle in the west a disheveled lab armchair, a house on rue plumet, and - when i am sad- i run home to the music notes that have made me who i am. in the labyrinth, i defy gravity, and feel alive; for they tell me "who am i?": a musical medley of a life of near thirty years - p. s. shuller.

[pavloathe]

hey, here's a glimpse into the attitude (some of) the crew has towards this episode. just to further drive home the fact what happened to hughie was written as nothing more than a joke.

[11natrium]

"This is a normal thing to say, I think"

I say, just after uttering the most bizarre string of words any of my friends have ever heard

[morallygaymwah]

[sunnyxjarrus]

You know what is absolutely insane

the fact that I can’t clean my room/ make breakfast/drink water etc without being told multiple times

but I have zero restraints when it comes to placing my hand on a burner that I know is on

(Look this time I did it to prove a point okay think it was 5 seconds[my brother claimed that he was letting the intrusive thoughts win by taking the lid off of the food just because the steam kinda hurt])

@local-lover-boy @urlocalmanicpixiedreamboy

[seesboy]

fine. FINE. i guess it's time to formally introduce you guys to the ambiguously late 2000s enjoltaire au that's been stuck in my brain for like a week now. i have ideas for the rest of les amis + others but only had the energy to draw these two losers

oh yeah and there's a fic that goes along with this but it's nowhere near finished at the moment -_- though it's currently sitting at 3.4k words if that's anything

bonus (just a small doodle):

[scolek]

every week i get my bread and right next to them is the croissants. so today i got some. and im hoping the grocery store bakery croissants are not an accurate representation of croissants because if so i am very disappointed in shu.

[waterflowing-under-ground]

Tell your good friends

You love them all doubtlessly

Wordless and senseless without reservation

Now's the time

Now's the time

Now's the time

Now's the time

Tell your good friends you love them without complaint

This road stretched for miles, straddled the countryside

Licking the hills with autumn decay

A fire that burned the bright gold covered forest down

This is the end of all that you thought was good

This is the end of reckless young energy

Breathless suspense and restless potential

This is the end

This is the end

This is the end...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This song from an obscure indie band from the mid-2000's I saw live once, opening for Andrew Bird when he was still just breaking into the scene and played small venues came to mind as I've been sitting with and processing grief that's aged 15 years, and reflecting on my most significant friendship of a quarter century, all because I decided to re-read Andrzej Sapkowski's The Witcher saga. It hit me hard then, but it's hitting differently now as a 40-something.

When I was 26 (I'm 41 now), I lost a close friend who was 27 years old at the time. I was very involved in post-death events after he died (suddenly, expectedly, and unfortunately, violently).

I helped his mom (who is also sadly no longer with us either as of a few years ago) clean his belongings out of his apartment which was one of the most surreal and disconcerting experience of my life.

She gave me the textbook from an undergrad class he and I happened to attend together years prior (we had known each other outside of the community college we took that class at, but being in that class together was the catalyst for becoming as close as we did) and all of his comic books.

I was asked to contribute to the eulogy for his celebration of life. I spent so much time with his family. I had vivid dreams about him nearly every night. And I didn't cry, not really, for several weeks. I was in shock. He was 27. It was not real. We'd had plans to hang out the Friday before he died (which happened on that following Monday) and I cancelled because I was tired. But the last time I heard his voice, it was a cheerful little chat on the phone. I remember he said, "awesome sauce, let's try again when you're feeling better." And it was not real.

Well, it wasn't real yet. Until it was. And it hit me all at once one random afternoon when I was sitting alone in my living room. It was quiet. And it was suddenly real.

The immediate post-death events were done and there weren't any more planned. And it hit me suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, that he was really gone forever, that I'd never see him or speak to him ever again, that this wasn't just a nightmare that I was having that I would wake up from any moment now. My dear, sweet, lovely, funny, intelligent, loyal affectionate, outspoken, wildly eccentric friend was gone. Forever.

That's when I heard a voice come out of my body I'd never heard before, something that sounded like it wasn't even coming from me or even a human being. I was screaming until my throat went raw, and then I was sobbing. I've never screamed like that since.

And I was alone. Just me and my grief finally catching up to me, weeks after my friend had gone. Me and the debt, the price I had to pay for loving someone, for the precious 8 years of friendship we had shared. Because I think of grief as the debt we pay for being able to love.

So tell your friends how much you care about them, how much you love them. It's not too mushy to do that. It's not too sentimental or cloying or whatever negative label someone wants to slap on being affectionate and demonstrative and vocal about your love for someone. It's important. I like to hope I did a decent job of showing him while he was alive, I hope he knew, but I always wish I'd done more, said more.

With the other friend in my life who I consider equally close to my heart, my BFF of 25 years, I recently decided to tell her I love her using those exact words and telling her how important she is to me. In this post about the Witcher (in particular the Geralt and Dandelion friendship), I mentioned that my friend tends usually not to be the touchy-feely type (but that it doesn't make her any less loving or caring or supportive because she is all those things to be clear). If you read that post it'll hopefully make sense why I brought that up.

But in any case, I saw her recently and decided to tell her some things. Because, to be honest, my Witcher re-read (because the Witcher has much to say about grief and loss along with myriad other aspects of the human experience and human conceits) got me thinking about my late friend who I lost over 15 years ago, and my best friend now, who I cherish and love with every part of me, who has seen me through so much, has seen the ugly bits of me as well when I was at my lowest, and who still loves and supports me, enjoys me because she loves me for who I am, considers me enough (as I am, in my unfiltered form in all my autistic and mentally ill glory), and chooses me after all this time. Because I am enough. And for me, she is enough, I love every part of her, I've seen her through low times and when she wasn't well, and I still chose her because she's my friend, my person, and I wouldn't change a single thing about her. We have both made mistakes and hurt each other's feelings in the past at times (not on purpose but still owned it), but real repair was done in those cases, and it made our bond stronger. And that's real, and as I'm learning as I get older, RARE.

I decided that it was the right time to tell her I love her, actually saying the words, and I was nervous she'd be embarrassed, but to my elated surprise, she was touched, told me she loves me too, and we had a sweet and heartfelt conversation about our history, our love and affection for each other, and our amazing friendship that we're so lucky to still have after a quarter of a century, a deep abiding trust in each other, and how we hope to be old and cantankerous together. She is just as important to me as my live-in partner, and I wanted her to know that. I'm so glad I told her because she clearly appreciated hearing it. And I'm relieved and feel peace after telling her, and after hearing her say the same things to me.

Anyway, people, please tell those important people in your life how much you love and care about them, because they need to know, they need to hear it, and it's important. Because nothing is permanent. Losing someone you love will never be easy, even if you do tell them you love them, but it's still important to do so.

"When he heard the death rattle, Gilgamesh moaned like a dove. His face grew dark. 'Beloved, wait, don't leave me. Dearest of men, don't die, don't let them take you from me.'"

- The Epic of Gilgamesh

"Who are you? You are no one that I know. I am Gilgamesh, who killed Humbaba And the Bull of Heaven with my friend. If you are Gilgamesh and did those things, why Are you so emaciated and your face half-crazed? I have grieved! Is it so impossible To believe? he pleaded. My friend who went through everything with me is dead! No one grieves that much, she said. Your friend is gone. Forget him. No one remembers him. He is dead. Enkidu. Enkidu. Gilgamesh called out: Help me. They do not know you as I know you."

- The Epic of Gilgamesh

"Gilgamesh wept bitterly for his friend. He felt himself now singled out for loss Apart from everyone else. The word Enkidu Roamed through every thought Like a hungry animal through empty lairs In search of food. The only nourishment He knew was grief, endless in its hidden source Yet never ending hunger." Herbert Mason, Gilgamesh: A Verse Narrative

[hymns-across-the-stars]

Mun vs Muse (feat. my funny lil human!mirage idea)

Tagged by: committed thievery Tagging: continue the trend of committing theft

[beast-feast]

I don't even have any other words than I want her and want to be her . I was gonna say something else but I forgot. Other than I think I should be allowed to be him. For a little while ❤️