#I was looking at this virtual autism support group to join earlier. at least this can be a subject of conversation | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

equalperson · 4 days ago

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the people on discord promised to do a watch party of only episodes focusing on My favorite character tomorrow and one of them literally just suggested watching an episode in which he doesn't appear at all.

everyone is like "yeah haha cool! I can't wait," and I know the logical assumption is that they just forgot or plan on doing that one and then the character episodes, but the avoidant and autistic parts of My brain are making Me feel like this:

#personal #avoidant brain is going 'they forgot about Me. because they don't care enough about Me. My interests don't really matter to them'#but then I try to be logical and go 'nooo we're still gonna watch the episodes. we watch ~10 episodes per stream #one unrelated episode isn't going to change anything'#but then the autistic part of My mind is just thinking 'THAT'S EVEN WORSE. I hate not being able to engage with My special interests #when I expect to. I hate change I hate unpredictability I hate when things are suddenly different and I can't do anything about it'#and they're still hyping it up as I type and I know I have to chance to say 'actually can we not watch that episode tomorrow #you said EVERY episode would be about him.' but WHAM avoidant personality again. I'm scared to ruin everyone's fun #even though it's coming at the expense of Mine and tomorrow is supposed to be about Me. but okay.....le sigh #I was looking at this virtual autism support group to join earlier. at least this can be a subject of conversation #if things don't end up going right #anyway time to take My three melatonin so I can wake up early. hopefully I won't fall asleep mid-stream like I did last time #this shit takes place wayyy too early ISTG. time zone differences amirite

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