#my issues shouldn't dictate your posting habits

[memorizingthedigitsofpi]

it's okay to unfollow

I just want to put this out there for anyone who might be feeling like I have been.

I've been noticing recently that scrolling tumblr was making me unhappy. Not all the time, but often enough that it was something that I actually noticed. So I started paying attention to when I felt unhappy and then why. For me, it was when I saw statements related to killing or harming oneself or others. For you, it might be seeing a ship you don't like or other content that makes you uncomfortable.

I know that a lot of the posts I saw were hyperbolic in nature, but that didn't make them less shocking or distressing for me when I encountered them. So I did an experiment. For a period of about a week, every time I saw one, I closed the app.

Let me tell you, I've never used tumblr less in my life.

That told me that I was spending a lot of time seeing content that was actively upsetting me. No wonder I wasn't happy. So what do I do? Stop using tumblr? I seriously considered it. But tumblr makes me happy a lot of the time too, so instead I needed to do something harder: I had to start unfollowing people.

Some of these are people I've followed for years. All of them are people I like. I feel guilty doing it, but at the same time I know that it's either keep following them and be exposed to things that upset me on a regular basis or unfollow them and spend more of my free time in an enjoyable way.

I'll miss them, of course. It's not like this is all they ever post! They put lots of great stuff on my dash. But they also share things that make me feel bad, and I need to draw that boundary for myself. I don't want to follow people who share posts that upset me, and that's okay.

It's also totally okay that they post and share the things that they like, no matter what my opinion of that stuff is. It's their blog! They should put whatever they want on it.

The way to control what I do and don't see on my dash is to control who I follow and who I don't. Unfollowing (and even blocking, if that's what you need) isn't a moral condemnation. It's an acknowledgement that our tastes differ.

If you find yourself unhappy while you're scrolling whatever social media you choose, take the time to figure out what it is that's making you unhappy and do what you can to reduce it. The world is hard enough already.

[murielsbottombitch]

What do you think of this..... "do not befriend depressed people" "do not befriend anxious people"

https://www.tumblr.com/lesb0/751368839799930880/do-not-befriend-insecure-people-do-not-befriend?source=share

(no one go to this persons account to harrass them, I will block you instantly. you do not speak for me.)

this person states on their blog that this is their diary and so is just a personal note to themselves but they posted it online publicly with no statement within the post that this isn't advice for other people, so I will respond to it as it is. I have no ill will towards this person. I will not swear at or insult their person. please keep things civil. this is not intended to attack this person but only criticize their words.

keep in mind when reading that I'm responding to several recent posts of lesbo, not just the one sent

content warning for ableist language, abuse and manipulation mentioned (no detail)

long post ahead

I get what the point is. if someone is emotionally abusive or manipulative, you are not obligated to stick by them regardless of if it's from personal issues or not. you are not ever obligated to put up with anyone's behavior. you shouldn't be expected to stay friends with people who gossip, insult you, stalks you, refuses to take accountability or who make you uncomfortable, mentally ill or not.

that being said, insecurity, anxiety, depression and delusions are not inherently harmful and implying that it is is gross. they do not dictate your actions and it is ableist to assume they do. that's the biggest issue with their posts, they blame someone's mental illness/state rather than their behavior. if someone is constantly bringing the mood down, you ask them to stop and they ignore you, the problem isn't that they're depressed, the problem is that they ignored your feelings. if someone is talking shit about you, the problem isn't that they're insecure, the problem is that they talk shit. if someone is disrespectful, the problem isn't that they're jealous, the problem is that they're disrespectful. it's not a difficult concept but it's one many people do not understand.

the fact this person doesn't want to have close relationships with mentally ill people isn't a problem in my mind because they shouldn't. not just for their sake but for the sake of mentally ill people who need a more deft hand to take care of them. this post is focused more on how someone's mental illness effects op rather than the mentally ill person, that is not a healthy relationship on either side. this person doesn't have the mental fortitude to take on others burdens and they seem fine with that. I'd rather op avoid hurting someone who's already hurting by getting upset with them for hurting in a way that hurts op, you know? it saves everyone a little time.

and op, if you're reading this. I think you should talk to a therapist about your habit of mirroring. mirroring to that degree is not an inherent trait of young women, it's a sign of having distorted or frail self image. I used to be friends with people who were really judgemental so I had the habit of mirroring them to feel like I was good enough to be in their presence. I would demasculinate myself, hide things I enjoy from them and pretend to like what they liked because it meant not being criticized. that is not something someone in a healthy state of mind does. I only stopped mirroring to that degree after separating myself from them and everyone else, taking care of myself to learn who I truely was without outside influence. if you're mirroring bad behavior, maybe self reflect as to why that is. are you looking for validation? is it to feel safe? to feel like you're superior? really listen to yourself and what you want. was it really the fault of a mentally ill person that you mirrored their mental illness or was it yours? why did this happen and how could you actually prevent it from happening again? if this is a habit of yours that has happened several times, you may be the common denominator. I'm being completely genuine, I'm not trying to insult you. I really hope you get better and are able to have more stable relationships. please do talk to mental health professionals, you don't sound like you're in a great place mentally from what I can tell.

excuse me if that last bit was really armchair psychologist. I just feel like there's hurt behind these posts, not malice, even if the posts are harmful in the long run.

[bogkeep]

i know i know, i keep writing posts about Stories and Diversity of Narratives, i know it's all very abstract, i know most of my posts boil down to the same kernel of thought. but the community of this site was built on love for stories and flinging thoughts into the void and that's a tradition i'm willing to honor any hour of the day. only i can stop me. i've been bringing up my own story preferences and habits a lot recently, such as what videogames i won't play, or how i don't want to be stuck only reading books from the same single author for too long at a time. anyway i think there's a lot of overlap between story habits and food habits. i am aware food as an analogy have been done so many times, but we all have a relationship to food in some way or other, so it keeps being a useful one. i think stories, in whatever form they may come, are a presence in everyone's lives as well. maybe your physical vessel won't die of story starvation, but it's important to feed your soul too, you know? here's what i believe about food: nobody has a right to dictate what you eat. (yes, yes, if you want to be contrarian about that statement you could make an argument for doctors only letting you eat jello and soup after a surgery or something. exceptions are a rule of the world. i'll let that one pass.) there's many factors that contribute to our eating habits. what we like and don't like, allergies and other dietary restrictions, textures, time to cook, time to consume, resources, availability, ability, knowledge, culture, disorders, personal ethics. the list goes ON. other people looove to tell you what you 'should' or 'shouldn't' eat, looove to tell you about what you should do with your body and your time. but they have no right to. they don't know your own body better than yourself. they don't know your history. they might not know what eating disorders you have struggled with, what textures make you gag, where you can afford to shop, if you were never taught how to cook, if you work long hours with almost no left over time and energy to meal prep, or if you're confined to a space where all the tools at your disposal is a microwave and an electric kettle. we live in a society, huh. what works for one human being among seven billion will not work the same for everyone else. i'm not saying you should never change your habits, or that a licensed dietician can't give you good tools and advice, or that you can't learn cooking skills from youtube! what i'm saying is that it's a very individual journey. even at larger events where the dinner is communal - it may open up with "so here's the regular food. here is the vegetarian alternative. here is the vegetarian alternative to the vegetarian who is allergic to soy AND ONLY THAT ONE PERSON IS ALLOWED TO TAKE ANY OF THAT, MIND THE LABELS. here are the gluten free burger buns. please enjoy the meal" and even then i help someone next to me in the queue with scooping salad onto their plate because their sensory issues make it hard for them to touch metal cutlery. you don't actually owe anyone the performance of "health". eating something is always, always ALWAYS going to be better than eathing nothing. it's infinitely more important to eat what you are able to eat than whatever reasons someone (even you) might have for denying your body the sustenance and resources it needs. and if eating what you Can is step one, eating what you Enjoy is step two. you're allowed to eat things you like actually. you are allowed to take joy in meals. you're alive and you are keeping yourself alive and you are alive right now. you don't deserve to punish yourself over it. ... i was talking about stories, right? when it comes to food, it IS generally agreed upon that the most advantageous thing to do is to eat a variety of foods. your body needs many different nutrients, after all, and you will most often obtain these just by Eating Stuff. i think the same goes for Stories. stories come in so many different forms and do so many different things for us. they entertain, make us laugh, make us cry,

bring us catharsis, bring us understanding, bring us perspective, bring us joy. not every story can do all of this for every person, nor should it. some forms of stories are like popcorn for the brain, tasty and easy to consume. some are like a comforting burger, it's not haute cousine, but it's good and uncomplicated and fills you up just right. some stories are a full three course meal and you will remember the experience for a long time afterwards. some meals are best enjoyed with company. i'm sure we've all seen the phrase "read another book"/"watch another show" by now. i guess i'm of two minds on it - because variety in soul food is a good thing, but also, as i've spent like five paragraphs establishing - i don't know your dietary restrictions. i can't know what sustains you better than you do. but also, i DO think a lot of people are trying to draw specific nutrients out of a meal that does not have them. because it can't have all of them. it's not reasonable to expect one story to contain every trope and respectful representation in the world. you can cook the same ingredient a thousand ways, i'm sure, and if that's what you want - go for it! your homecooking sounds delicious. but if you find that the steakhouse you frequent has a lousy vegetarian menu, maybe it's time to try a new place. god i know going to a new place is so intimidating sometimes, and it's always so hard to know what you'll like before you try - i don't want to disclose how many times i've spent leafing through a menu for thirty minutes before ordering something that turns out to be too spicy for me. it's a curse, i think. i love my mother's cooking and she's always been surprisingly accomodating of my food preferences. ever since i've moved out, i love to come over for dinner - it's always a good meal by someone who has honed that skill for years and has access to a fully stocked kitchen. being responsible for my own meals can be sucky sometimes, food costs so much money and i have to do so much planning, but it's also been incredibly empowering. i can eat what i want! i don't HAVE to eat foods i don't like! i can try foods i've always been interested in but never gotten to try before! i can spend a little extra on the fancy bread from the bougie store because life is too short to eat shitty bread that i never look forward to eating!! THE INDEPENDENCE IS GOING TO MY HEAD. i haven't felt such a rush of power since i realized i don't have to finish books or shows that aren't enjoyable for me anymore. i don't want to namedrop any specific franchises but just as life is too short to eat bland bread, i don't HAVE to go watch the big blockbusters if i'm not axctually interested. maybe i'm sick of toast actually. i crave some rye. i can get some rye instead. maybe the analogy isn't perfect. maybe stories aren't food. but i fully believe nobody but you gets to dictate what stories sustain the skeleton of your souls.