#my is better but still hurts and I'm thinking I should get it x-rayed. Just in case.

[wooahaeruby]

Chapter 41: Stuck In Limbo

TW

This chapter :D It hurts :D It's really sad and kinda fucky. I don't technically have any trigger warnings for it, besides making sure you have tissues on hand. I'm, again, so sorry for my transgressions. I am evil. I know. It…kinda gets better from here, promise. :D

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The space around you was bright white. You were floating on a blank canvas ready and begging to be colored to life. 

Your head felt light, no ill thoughts currently gracing your mind. You tried to figure out where you were within this unknown light void, turning your head too and fro in hopes to get an answer. The void extended as far as your eyes could perceive. You attempted to call out but no words left. 

Lifting your arms to look at yourself, there were no rope burns that you believed should be there. The step you wanted to take forward didn’t do much, but your body felt weightless yet heavy, like you were moving through mud or sludge. You took in the clothes you had on; a loose, white shirt and flowy, soft black pants. The pants contrasted heavily with the pristine white that surrounded you, yet it gave you peace that there was something that was different here. 

Out of curiosity you started in the direction in front of you, taking the movement slow since your movement was slightly hindered. You couldn’t tell the time, but walked and walked through the empty space, hoping something would appear before you. Again, you tried to call out to no avail. 

Were you dreaming? You didn’t remember a dream so void of anything in the past, but everything seemed fuzzy. 

Why did you think you had rope burns? Where did that come from earlier? Swallowing thickly, you raised a hand to rub at your chest, flinching at the sudden pain just under your collarbone. You pulled the collar of your shirt, finding the fabric stuck uncomfortably to your skin. Glancing down, you could see a raised X on your chest. It stung and itched painfully but as you touched it, it didn’t hurt. 

What?

Your eyes flitted to your wrist, cut up and dark, dark bruises staring back. Rolling your wrists, it hurt, however, like your chest, it didn’t hurt as you touched the wounds. It confused you, questions spinning in your mind.

Come on . A voice rang around you, whipping your head around to find where it came from. Help me get her up there. 

Turning around, you came face to face with a black door. It appeared out of thin air in silence, but…the voice was coming from within. You’ve heard the voice before, it was familiar, yet you couldn’t place the name or the face. 

Looking over your shoulder, you questioned if the void was safer – if it would protect you. Yet…something inside told you that it wouldn’t, that whatever was beyond the door was better than being here. Safer .

Taking a deep breath, you reached for the door handle and pushed it open, coming face to face with a second void, this one pitch black. 

Yeah, let me get the x-rays, I’m going to get an MRI too so we don’t need to move her later.  

You stepped inside, peering around curiously, and an unseen force slammed the door shut behind you. 

“Hello?” You called out, surprised to find you could talk. “Anyone?” 

Biting the bullet, you took another step, hoping for a change, anything – but whatever you considered the floor was gone and you were falling. You screamed, sharp pain in your sides, face, chest, and soreness through your limbs creeped up quickly, only to be soothed by a numb sensation washing from head to toe. 

I gave her some pain meds and antibiotics. Another voice started. When will they get here? 

Unsure, I just called that we have her in a bed but they could still be listening to Wonwoo and Seokmin. That…Yeah, that sounded like Jihoon’s voice. 

The falling feeling stopped, now simply floating aimlessly in the dark space. 

She has a lot of injuries. Definitely a concussion, her heart is beating a little weird too. Broke ribs, internal bruising probably. She had some water in her lungs too. Let alone anything else we can’t see along with that branding. That sounded like Seonghwa’s voice now that you thought about it, laced with concern. 

You focused on his words for a moment, and everything hit you like a truck. 

Kihyun, Monsta X, and the torture they put you through. It was vivid like the first time it happened. You swore you felt someone’s hand on your hand, holding it gently, and you wished you could pull away and hide. 

I won’t know the real extent until Mouse wakes up. That is the part that is worrying me more. 

I don’t think she will be okay. Jihoon had sighed from what you heard. Look at her, Seonghwa. I’ll be surprised if she is anywhere close to the same when she wakes up. 

Enough of that. Just focus on being there for her when she wakes up. His voice was further away and the sound of a door opening followed. Leave her alone for a bit. We have food here. 

But-

Doctor’s orders.

Dude, you don’t even have a PhD. 

I basically do at this point, but hush, come on. 

You felt the grip on your hand loosen and fade away, a sigh of relief leaving you. The feeling was…uncomfortable. You didn’t want anyone to touch you right now. 

At least you had confirmed you were safe, hopefully your mind wasn’t playing any tricks on you about that. You probably hadn’t been out long, maybe a few hours, and they had given you some medicine. The question you had was why weren’t you waking physically? If they were actually there and you were listening, conscious in your mind, shouldn’t you be awake? 

“Maybe to let me heal.” You answered yourself out loud, relaxing in the vacant space. 

You couldn’t tell if you were facing in the right direction, though you weren’t sure there was a correct direction. There was nothingness all around you, a numb feeling from whatever medicine they pushed through you. You wondered when you’d wake up. How long would your body need? 

Yes, you could rationalize here in the in-between space, you could tell yourself you wouldn’t change, but the reality could be much different once your eyes open. Day to day might be horribly different. That left a foul taste in your mouth. 

You heard heavy footfall, a shout from someone and the door slamming open loudly. There were many voices surrounding you, someone grabbed your hand tightly and a head rested near your shoulder. 

Oh, my baby. The sob in Jeonghan’s voice was heartbreaking, but your skin crawled at his touch. 

Someone else brushed some hair back from your face and you flinched in the void. We are here, Mouse… That shaky voice was Joshua’s. 

Why isn’t she waking up? You think that was Jun but his voice wasn’t that close. 

I have no answer for that, only some guesses. Seonghwa’s voice got close and there was the beep of a machine or two. She was tortured, starved for a few days, and dehydrated. Shock could be a good reason, self preservation to get her energy and strength back. That’s the medical thoughts. 

Medical? Do you have some other thoughts? Jun didn’t sound happy. 

Someone cleared their throat. Spiritually, she could be in her own Limbo. That was Mingyu, voice rough. 

You sound ridiculous, Gyu. 

He…isn’t though. Seonghwa sighed. I’m not saying you have to believe it, but if her heart stopped at any point, some say the person questions whether to come back.

But her heart is beating now . 

It doesn’t matter. Mine stopped and started again. Mingyu continued. I...I got to pick. I chose to stay. We might need to let her…pick. 

Staring into the darkness, you took a deep breath and closed your eyes. 

Had your heart stopped earlier? You had no clue if it did, but there was a chance after Kihyun pumped epinephrine through. You remembered how fast your heart raced and it slowed so quickly before you passed out. Thinking about it, the chance could be a strong yes… 

But…you thought going through the door earlier into this space was your decision to want to come back. You were hearing your family as your physical body laid unconscious wherever you were taken to. 

That meant something, right? 

It meant you wanted to wake up…

Right? 

New rule because you all are way too many here. Three to visit each. There was a chorus of complaints flying around. Unlike your warehouse, I do open this place to people in need of free medical care.  

Then why not transfer her to us instead? Seungcheol asked, sounding tired and concerned. 

You guessed Seonghwa sighed. You and I both know that isn’t a good idea. If something was to happen, heavens forbid, your team might not be able to handle it professionally.

Clearing his throat, it sounded like Minghao spoke next. Cheol…It’s okay. I agree with him on this… 

You all can visit any time, I’ll keep the back unlocked but no groups bigger than three. I need to be able to violently push you out of the way if anything happens. 

That is so unfair. Jeonghan sniffled, the grip on your hand tightening. 

It is unfair, but she won’t recover any faster with all of your hovering. I’ll have a guard on her twenty-four seven with you here or not. Yunho, Yeosang, and I will be no more than fifty feet away in the other room most times. Seonghwa continued. Plus, SVT isn’t going to be the only ones that would like to see her. 

Give them, like, half an hour. Yeosang advocated somewhere in the room. 

There was a pause before Seonghwa reluctantly agreed, stepping out of the room to leave you with your family. 

How sure are you that it was them? Minghao asked, to who you didn’t know yet. 

I’m fifty percent sure, but I don’t have any way of confirming it until Mouse wakes up and tells us. Wonwoo sighed and a warmth was present beside your leg and you felt the bed dip as if he sat down. Whenever she wakes up. 

Someone sat on the bed opposite of him and the claustrophobia panic settled in your chest. Everyone was too close. You couldn’t push them away if you wanted to. The once comforting presence they had when close was replaced with the overwhelming need to be alone, away from everyone – far away from everyone. 

Then we wait. Seungkwan said reassuringly, confident even. When she wakes up, hopefully we will have an answer. For now, we just pray she wakes up soon and that she remembers who did this. We just need to be here when she wakes up.

Jeonghan, Joshua, and Seungcheol were the first three to stay under Seonghwa’s new rule. The rest said goodbye but said they would, in fact, be drawing straws for who comes in next to kick them out, along with the other groups getting a turn. 

They were silent for a good while, the only thing you were able to hear was the occasional sniffle and a sigh. Jeonghan still held your hand tightly and Joshua, you believed, was resting his head next to your other arm. His hair always felt different from Jeonghan’s. It still left that icky feeling in your stomach. 

I- Seungcheol started but groaned. I should have given her that tracking thing we talked about or something like that. It could have prevented- 

Jeonghan cut him off. You didn’t now, none of us knew this would happen. 

Still- 

No, Cheol. It happened, okay? Don’t go around blaming yourself like Seokmin did, it isn’t going to change anything in the past. 

What he said. Joshua sounded exhausted, voice muffled. We just need to take steps forward.  

Another bout of silence came before a groan and a sharp inhale was heard, along with Cheol speaking.

Fuck- This sucks. He sounded like he started crying. I’m sorry, Mouse- Fuck! I- We should have found you sooner. I’ll kill them, whoever they are, for them. I promise this will be made right. 

Why did Seungcheol crying pull something in your chest? Why did your heart feel heavy? 

He tried to keep himself quiet, the sound muffled but he choked out a breath. The space where Joshua’s head was growing cold, probably moving to comfort the leader. Soon, all three were crying. Tears were felt wetting the skin of your hand, the one Jeonghan was holding. Subconsciously, tears welled up in your eyes, floating off your cheeks and into the ether out of sight.

“I just want to wake up.” You pleaded the unknown, wrapping your arms around yourself. “Why won’t you let me?”

I don’t think I can stop crying . Seungcheol gasped, clearing his throat. I- We are a mess- 

I am so tired and have no energy to cry but shit, I can’t stop crying. Joshua signed, clearing his throat. I just want her to come home.  

She will come home soon…  

You wiped your face, signing heavily. 

There was nothing you could do to fix the situation. You didn’t know how to wake up or help yourself to begin with. Nothing made a lot of sense at the moment. Your attempts to find your footing didn’t find any solid place to stand or lay, leaving you suspended in the air. 

You didn’t enjoy the unknown, not that anyone really did, but this was another level of unknown that was harder to traverse. How long would you need to contemplate in the void before you were given a chance to decide your fate? What was there even to contemplate in the first place? 

She was only gone for a few days and I miss hearing her talk. I miss her smile. Joshua spoke softly. I miss talking to her about anything. 

Seungcheol hummed. This is going to sound a little weird, but I miss her cooking. Everything was thought out, homemade, and like she genuinely wanted to cook.  

I miss curling up on the couch and just being close to her. She is so…comforting. Jeonghan’s hand released yours then gently ran a hand up your arm to your shoulder. She is so gentle. A calm presence. I’m scared she will be so different later on when awake. 

Trauma changed people. We just need to support her through the changes. Minghao’s voice piqued your interest, not hearing the door open of anything else really. 

Are you kicking us out? Cheol huffed. 

Yeah kinda. Mingyu answered next. We won the coin toss against most of Dreamcatcher and I made food back at the penthouse. 

There was a loud, gurgly grumble heard close to your body and a stutter left Jeonghan. 

That- okay, maybe I am hungry…

Go, we’ll keep watch. Minghao sounded close, near Joshua’s side you believe. 

Someone kissed your forehead then a soft whisper from Jeonghan to tell you he’d be back soon. Someone took your hand and kissed your knuckles and the last kiss was to your cheek. That sick feeling of being touched jumped tenfold when you were kissed and you desperately tried to push it down. The nausea didn’t last long, they moved away thankfully, but you hated it. Hated that you didn’t, somehow, didn’t feel fully safe. Only Safer than what you were. It didn’t make sense.

They exchanged goodbyes and the scrapping of chairs surrounded you. 

Do you think she can hear us? The tremble that accompanied Seokmin’s voice had you focusing and trying to internally force yourself to wake up. 

I’d like to believe so. Minghao hummed. Even if she couldn’t, I’d still think she could to give me a sliver of peace. 

Mingyu sighed. Once she wakes up, I’m going to cook all her favorite foods like she did for me. 

I don’t think any of us will let her raise a finger for herself for a while. Seokmin’s comment had the three snickering. 

She might go crazy if she doesn’t get to do something. 

“He isn’t wrong.” You scoffed. “I’d like to see them try to make me stay still.”

Mouse is putting up one hell of a fight in there. 

Of course she is, she is a fighter! Mingyu huffed. And when she wakes up, we can tell her that she is a strong person. Mouse’ll feel like she lost all confidence and will feel really weak. We gotta hype her up. 

One of them took a deep breath before a long, wobbly sigh followed. You felt the air on your arm and shivered in the void. 

Wonwoo is getting a note for an emergency leave of absence from work, but…She might have to quit. I don’t want to make that decision for her but the people above me are starting to ask too many questions. Seokmin groaned . And I have to go back, but I told Cheol that I am gonna quit too. There is no way I can stay there with all the questions and rumors. 

Minghao clicked his tongue. Maybe it's for the best. Whoever did this could be vindictive enough to expose us and you both should get out of there. I never liked the idea to begin with. 

I spoke to Jongho earlier. Mingyu hummed and you felt a pinkie link with yours. He said we need to tear apart her apartment and find this chicken pot pie recipe she has from her grandma. He rambled that she made it when needing comfort or during special occasions. 

Didn’t she make it for Christmas? 

You sighed and laughed, smiling at nothing. “Of course that little shit would remember that to tell them. 

Have either one of you told her what happened before you joined SVT? The question from Minghao caught your interest. 

Last week she asked and we talked . Seokmin answered. Why? 

I dunno. I thought telling her would let her know we’ve all had some sort of trauma. That we understand that moving forward isn’t easy sometimes. 

Mingyu snorted. Okay, dude, some of your stories are insane though. I was just a gambler that was really good at card counting. 

You spend six months in jail, scammed other inmates with your card counting, and got the shit kicked out of you. There was an unamused tone in Seokmin’s voice. 

Seven months in jail and a five-thousand dollar fine, thank you very much. Oh! And I’m banned from ten casinos worldwide. I’m the only one in this group with a federal record and was on probation. 

Congrats, you were a prison bitch. 

Nothing wrong with that. It was stupid how proud Mingyu sounded, but he was one of your idiots so… Out of the three of us, Hao, yours is the most complex. 

I won’t compare our stories, we all have had different experiences with life. Minghao tried to justify but the silence that followed had him scoffing. Okay, shut up with your expressions. 

Yeah, can’t compare mr. ‘I’m a trained assassin’. Sure. Mingyu snarked but chuckled either way. Truly you are the drama movie life here. 

Him and Jun. 

For two cry babies that could barely breathe earlier, you both sure yap a lot. 

Don’t act like we didn’t see you silently crying in the corner. 

“You all argue like children.” This was a nice change from the tears you guessed. 

They shared a laugh, a warm, fuzzy feeling flooding your heart.

Come on, tell Mouse your story, or do we need to leave the room to give you some privacy? Seokmin snorted his words out, hearing Minghao sigh in return. 

Both of you are insufferable. 

Insufferably irresistible~ Mingyu hummed. 

Maybe you should leave, both of you. Minghao cleared his throat. 

Fine, but I’m going to see if Yunho has food here. Come on, Seok. 

The pitter patter of footsteps faded and a familiar hum came from the youngest of the three. 

I’m not really sure if you can hear me… Mingyu said he kinda could when he got shot… Minghao sighed through his nose. I grew up in a place that trained children to be assassins. Think…Avengers Black Widow but not as dramatic. Though- Okay, maybe from the outside it is dramatic. 

He laughed to himself, his voice sounded closer when he spoke next. Anyways…Jun and I have similar backgrounds actually. Trained killers that really didn’t know any other way of life. It’s why I indulge a lot in the finer things now. I didn’t even know my parents because of my upbringing. It’s why Jun is also a little childish, but we understand each other decently. It’s why I’m great with a gun and fighting. It’s why I know every way in and out of a building I walk into. 

I’ve hurt many people, seen horrors I didn’t and still don’t know how to explain. Most of my scars couldn’t even compare to the ones you’d be waking up to. 

I used to be told that emotions were faulty things that hindered the job I needed to get done. If we cried, they’d punish us. If we, as children, threw tantrums, we were locked in these pitch black rooms so we could reflect on our mistakes. For so long, it was all I knew. Missions, debrief, repeat, nothing else mattered. 

He took a shallow breath, linking pinkies with you as Mingyu did earlier. 

Someone that managed me – I guess I’d call her my handler – was sweet, always trying to break the emotionless shell I was. She was an amazing cook and made me try food from all over the world. Looking back, in a lot of ways, you remind me of her. Maybe that’s why I became close with you. You both are easy to talk to, when I learned to speak for myself in her case. 

She was the one that helped me leave them. It took a while but she did it and I was…free for once. However, for a period of time, I was alone until she got out too. He chuckled quietly. I survived off ramen and rice for two weeks until she came. She said we needed to flee the country so we came here. We weren’t here long until someone came to kill us. 

“Let me guess…Jun.” You laughed. 

And that is the story of how I met one of my brothers in person- Minghao giggled. But really, he tried to kill us under orders and I knocked him the hell out. Don’t think he expected the lamp to the back of the head, gave him a decent scar under his hair. Truthfully, I can’t even place how we got him to defect so easily. 

“Maybe it was the concussion you gave him, Hao.” 

The only problem after was finding a purpose. All our lives were as I said earlier. Then…she died in an accident. She was crossing the road and a truck’s brakes stopped working and it hit her. She died instantly, thankfully she didn’t suffer, and it was the first time I cried since I was a child. Jun and I were really alone after that. We applied to jobs with no experience and we stumbled upon Seungkwan and Chan by accident. 

“Note to self, ask about Seungkwan’s background…” You snorted. 

Seungkwan took us in, no questions asked and gave us a home. We all ended up meeting Jeonghan together and worked to build up Pledis and SVT. I…it was dumb maybe, but I asked if I could continue to do as I was trained, even if it was a little bit, if needed. It was the only thing I was good at at that time. They helped me grow into the person I am today, and I’m grateful for them always supporting me and having my back. 

He gripped your hand gently in both of his, thumb rubbing the back of your hand. When you wake up, Mouse, I’d like you to learn her name, my handler, but you need to ask me once- 

Alright, loser, we gave you plenty of time to spill your guts. And we have raided their snacks. Mingyu’s voice boomed through the room, the sound of bags crunching and crackling getting closer. I left a hundred bucks so no one gets mad. 

Slowly, their conversation came secondary to the tired, lethargic feeling that crept up. Your brain was fatigued, overworked, and you let their voices ease you into full unconsciousness.

Your eyes fluttered open to the divine smell of freshly baked, warm pot pie.

Confused, you weren’t met with the dark void, but rather your childhood bedroom laying in bed with your childhood sheets. 

You barely remembered it truthfully. The furniture and all the pictures on the wall were so foreign, a distant memory, long forgotten. You weren’t even close to the same person this room reflected. This person, this girl , had very different dreams, a blood family even if it was hiding an addiction secret, and a decent amount of stability. She wanted to be a nurse to help people like her father did. 

All those dreams got crushed the day her parents died. 

“Little Bear, are-” The door to your old room opened and your breath caught in your throat, seeing your grandmother standing before you. “Oh! You’re awake, I made your favorite.” 

Staring at her, any words that were in your mind slipped into the abyss and faded away. 

She looked so full of life, smiling brightly at you like you were the only thing that mattered. Her hair was neat, make up neatly done, and her favorite wash-faded, fuchsia apron wrapped around her front that you got her many many years ago. 

“Aren’t you hungry, Little Bear?” She stepped over and brushed some hair over your shoulder. “You haven’t eaten in so long, you must be. You are looking a little thin.” 

“I’m-” Swallowing thickly, you continued to take her in, seeing her for the first time since she passed away. “How-” 

“Come on, I’ll explain downstairs.” Your grandmother took your hand and gently got you up, leading you out of the room. 

Your home was the same as you vaguely remembered, homey and orderly. Your mother never left a mess, a busy body needing to fulfill her stay at home wife role. The floral scent with mild hints of cinnamon was nostalgic to say the least. Mom always loved making common buns…Dad’s favorite treat… 

“Are-” 

“It’s complicated, Little Bear.” She started, bringing you into the kitchen. “You and I don’t have a whole lot of time together. I wanted you to myself for a little while before they returned.” 

“I don’t understand, Gigi. How am I seeing you?” You sat down on a stool by the kitchen island, trying to wrap your head around everything. 

“Because you are here to choose, Y/N. You need to choose what you want.” She patted your cheek gently. “But you already knew that, sweetie.” 

“This doesn’t make any sense. Aren’t you supposed to make me want to stay?” 

“Now why would I do that? You have a home waiting for you out there.” She busied herself with getting the food from the oven, placing them on the counter to cool. “I’m here to see you and only you, not lead you to a place you don’t want to be. You don’t wanna be here, Little Bear. You have your whole life ahead of you.” 

“Are mom and dad-” 

“They will be here a little later.” She hummed, sliding a ramekin over to you with a fork. “They are the ones you need to fight against.” 

Eyeing her signature dish, you deflated, letting tears rim your eyes. “I miss you, Gigi. Nothing has been the same without you.” 

Lifting your head, you watched her come to your side and pull you into a hug, kissing your cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this to happen, but it’s too soon. You don’t deserve to be here.” 

She sat down beside you and for a while, you rambled on about your life, what happened and how things have turned out. You told her all about your idiot plan of breaking into a warehouse but how it led you to an amazing (fucked up) group of people that you love. She gave you a high five when you told her you didn’t have one but two significant others and laughed when you told her how you ended up with each of them. 

Gigi ended up leading you into the living room and sat you down on the couch, kissing your forehead. She took a seat beside you and booped your nose, smiling all the while grabbing the remote. Furrowing your brow, you went to voice why she was going to turn on the TV, but a harsh gust of air whirlwinded you into a movie theater, the big screen staring back at you.

“I remember when you first joined me in the kitchen to help me cook. You were about four and a half and you cried your eyes out until I got that step stool for you to stand on.” 

The screen came to life with your standing beside her, kneading dough for biscuits that she was making for a small family gathering. You were all giggly and smiling, flour covering your shirt and cheeks. Gigi stood beside you, hands on her hips and she shook her head. She said something about you needing a thorough bath later and you squealed with joy. She got you a circular cookie cutter, helping you cut and shape each ball and placing them on a baking sheet. 

“And I’m so glad that your love for cooking never stopped as you got older.” 

The scene faded to you standing in SVT’s kitchen, laughing at the absolute mess Vernon made of a container of ricotta cheese. 

He, wanting to help and learn something to cook, asked if he could be your pseudo sous chef to make the multiple pans of lasagna. You gave him the first easy task of mixing the ricotta in a bowl with parmesan and mozzarella cheese to make a perfect blended layer in your dinner. Vernon went to dump the tubs of ricotta into the bowl but the container slipped from his hand and splattered all over the floor. 

He looked like a deer in headlights, mouth agape and he stared down at the mess he caused. You were going to pee yourself from how hard you were laughing. 

Seungkwan had rushed in from down the hall as you screamed, gasping for air. He too stared at the mess, disbelief written all over his face, before helping you clean everything up. He grumbled that the cheese got everywhere, but laughed when Vernon continued to apologize. 

“And I’m glad you’ve found other people that you care about and love.” 

Your second to last 99 line meet up at your apartment flashed on the screen. Games, movies, and a lot of drinking. You laughed and enjoyed the night despite the downfall that was happening around you. They cheered you up and made you feel safe at that moment. 

“Those SVT boys are waiting for you. You’ve found yourself a nice family, Little Bear. Though, you’ve seemed to have gotten into some trouble recently.”

You peered over to her and sighed, sinking into your seat. “I know. They are good people and they make me happy…Me getting hurt…I don’t blame them for that.”

She reached over and placed her hand on yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. “And you shouldn’t but will you be able to handle the reality of waking up?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Sweetie, you know what I mean.” Gigi looked you in the eyes before glancing to your joined hands and that skin crawling uncomfortability creeped up once more. 

You flinched your hand back, leaning away from her. 

Another gust of wind whipped you back into your living room. Looking around, your grandmother was standing at the front window, peeking past the curtains then rushed to you, grabbing your shoulders. 

“You need to wake up, Y/N. Don’t let them tell you otherwise, do you understand me?” She was a little frantic, giving you a shake so she knew you were paying attention. “I love you, Little Bear. It was so good to see you after so long-” 

“Y/N, we’re home!” The crystal clear ring of your mother’s voice was heart stopping. 

Right before you, your grandmother was gone. You looked around but she was nowhere to be seen. 

Stepping into the living room, your mother smiled brightly, placing her worn but well loved purse down on the coffee table. She took your hands and pulled you to your feet, taking you in from head to toe. She cupped your cheeks and swiped the stray tear that you didn’t know fell away. You heard the door open again and your father came into view, dressed in his police uniform. 

“It’s good to see you back home, Y/N.” Your mother said, stroking your cheek with her thumb. “I missed you, Sweet Pea.” 

“Look at you,” The joy and astonishment in your father’s tone had you holding your breath. “My little girl is all grown up. I never thought I’d see the day.” 

“Come, we need to eat dinner, we need to talk! There is so much we need to catch up on. You have to tell us how life has been. I bet everything has been great-” Your mother pulled at your hand, and her words had you tugging out of her grip. 

“Great? Are you kidding?” Frowning, you stared at both of them. “For so long, nothing was remotely okay. You both died and no one in the family wanted me!”

“But- But look at you now!” She waved you off, motioning you over. “Aside from the little mishap here, you are doing great! But…we miss you, Sweet Pea. You should stay. Stay right where you belong with us.” 

Your father stepped close, placing an opened hand on your upper arm. “You shouldn’t leave us, Y/N. We could all be a family again, just like you’ve wanted.” He tried to gently push you into the kitchen but you resisted, moving into the middle of the living room. 

“No, we can’t do that more. I…I don’t want that anymore.” You shook your head, trying to collect your thoughts. “Both of you chose addiction over your own child! You are dead and I’m laying in some clinic bed wanting to go back to the people I call my family now!” 

“But they aren’t your family, Y/N. They aren’t blood. Look what they let happen to you!” Your mother rushed towards you, turning you around to come face to face with a long mirror. 

Your shirt was gone but your chest was covered, able to see every cut, bruise, scabbing skin, and the branding staring back. Your heart beat oddly, like it skipped a beat, and the heaviness settled in your chest that was felt in your throat. Shaking off the fluttering feeling in your chest, you turned back to them and the pure white void surrounded you, both of your parents dressed in white while you were in black.

“Baby, just come with us. You won’t have to be in pain when you wake up. You can be with your grandma too!” Your mother begged, hugging your father’s arm. “Forever, Y/N. You could be with us forever. You don’t have to hurt anymore.” 

“I-” Frantically, you looked around, anxious in the bright space, needing a way to escape. “I want to go home – going with you, that isn’t home anymore. That stopped being home the day you left me.” 

Taking a step back, you felt that same flutter in your chest, gasping for air to ease it. 

“They want me,” You forced out a breath, tears in the corner of your eyes. “SVT wants me, ATZ wants me, DC wants me, so many people want me to wake up. They’ve wiped my tears, they’ve brought me genuine happiness, and they’ve never judged me for being myself. They’ve made me remember what familial love is with you gone and I’m not going to break their hearts like you broke mine.” 

“We never meant to hurt you, Y/N.” Your father held your wife, looking remorseful. 

“But you did and somewhere along the way I forgave you, and I need to get back to them. I need to wake up, mom, dad…” Approaching your parents, you pulled them into your arms and hugged them tightly. “I love you both for bringing me into this world, but I love them more for saving me from myself.” 

“You…You have grown up into an amazing woman, Sweet Pea.” Your mother and father kissed your cheeks, tears running down their faces. “I couldn’t be more proud of you.” 

“I don’t wanna see you go.” Your father wiping his head, sighing. “But…your grandmother is right…you aren’t meant to be here. Be happy with them…” 

“I will, and I am.” Parting them from, you turned around, facing the familiar black door, watching it open and beckoning you inside. 

“Go one, I think they are waiting for you.”

Looking over your shoulder, you gave them a sad smile. “I love both of you…and I’m sorry…” 

You gave them a wave, whispering a goodbye as you stepped through the door, letting the darkness consume you.

…fuck up- I don’t want us to get caught. Yunho sighed, I snuck you in to be nice but if Seonghwa sees or hears us, I’m screwed. 

Then be quiet, idiot. Mingi snickered. 

You felt more…lucid, or what you thought was lucid. 

Well, you didn’t have to bring us in here. Wooyoung teased and the sound of a slap followed. Ow, hey! 

None of you left him or Yeosang alone to get us in here. Gahyeon sounded close, sighing and someone, probably her, fixed your blanket. 

Ah…99 line were all there, not just ATZ. 

She’s been out for five days. There was worry and exhaustion in Chan’s voice when he spoke up opposite of Gahyeon. None of the guys and I have had a moment of good rest in days. 

You’ve been out…for five days? How is that possible? It couldn’t have been that long?

She just needs time, Chan. Gahyeon spoke again. We don’t know what demons she is fighting in there.  

While you were still semiconscious, you weren’t floating or falling in the void. Any attempt to look around was only met with darkness, you couldn’t see yourself. There was a chill on your skin, a twinge of pain in each hair from what you guessed was IVs. Pain subtly radiated through your limbs, the brand on your chest itched excruciatingly, but your arms were heavy, probably from no proper movement in days. Your mouth was horribly dry and your throat hurt when you breathed in through your nose. 

Things were starting to come back to you, the reality of the whole situation, not something conjured up by your head. 

You were waking up – or, you were getting there. 

“She looks so peaceful despite everything.” Yeonjun hummed to your right. “I hope the time she has spent resting will be good once she wakes up.” 

“Mingyu and Jongho found the recipe in her kitchen and keeps trying to recreate it from what he remembers from Christmas. He has had so many of us trying it.” Chan huffed, “Nothing has been close to her though. She…made it so perfect.” 

“What are you all doing here?” Jongho’s voice had the rest going quiet. “You are lucky Seonghwa is asleep right now. He texted me earlier to check on her since you two were supposed to be resting too.” 

You assumed he meant Yunho and Yeosang. 

“Did you expect anything else?” Mingi asked. 

“No, but there are a lot of you here. What if she wakes up and you all crowd her?” 

Changbin chuckled. “Then we back up.” 

“Shut up, loser.” Wooyoung scoffed. 

You took a deep breath in, swallowing dryly. 

“Guys-” Gaheyon slapped someone a few times to get their attention. 

When your eyes first opened, you grimaced at the bright light, struggling to adjust. The white ceiling stood out to you before multiple heads popped into your blurred vision. Both of your hands were grabbed and too many people were rapid fire talking at once. Someone was crying, you couldn’t tell who, they crowded closer, and you were getting overwhelmed.

You flinched away from them, inwardly with nowhere to go, and your breathing started to quicken. They were too close, not enough space to breathe. The heart monitor started to beep loudly, feeling the organ beat violently in your chest, and the sound was the tipping point to send you into a panic attack. They started to back off, giving your space, and your hands were released. There was an angry shout before Seonghwa came into your line of sight. In your panic, you didn’t realize you had ripped the IVs from your hands and you were bleeding. 

You tried to voice that you couldn’t breath, gasping for air as your hands moved frantically to convey your distress. He – thankfully – picked up on your message and grabbed an oxygen mask and blasted the air as he helped it over your head and onto your face. You weakly pushed yourself up and Yeosang hurried to raise the back of the bed for you. 

“All of you out!” Seonghwa ordered with a boom to his voice, standing before the group of your friends, all in different states of confusion and concern. “Now.” 

“Guys…come on.” Yunho’s head hung but 99 line left with tears and whispers of apologies in their wake. 

Once the door was shut firmly behind them, Seonghwa turned back towards you, eyes riddled with worry. Your breathing started to even out but your hands shook vigorously at your panic, trying to clasp them together to the best of your abilities. 

“Mouse…” Seonghwa slowly strided closer, sitting on a chair beside your bed. 

Unintentionally you flinched away from him and hugged yourself, protecting yourself weakly. He cringed at the reaction, eyes scanning over you while giving a moment of brevity before diving into what needed to be done. Squeezing your eyes shut, you breathed in through your nose and out your mouth. 

“I won’t touch you unless I really need to.” Seonghwa spoke softly, reassuring your worries. “But you will need to at least talk to me. I promise you I will not say anything to anyone if you don’t want me to, but if you plan to harm yourself in any way, I will break that promise.” 

“Can I have some water?” Your throat was screaming, hoarse and sore from how dry and unused it was. “Please.”

He was quick to get you a cup of water and straw, placing it on the small table beside your cot so there would be no touch shared. You downed it in one go, gasping at the sweet relief that flooded your throat. He took his seat once more after getting another cup just in case, sighing through his nose.

“I’ve been giving you some painkillers and antibiotics. You are probably hungry so I can get you whatever you’d like – anything you’d like. I think it’s well deserved. 

“Have I really been out for five days?” 

Seonghwa gave a small nod. “You were taken on the thirtieth. We searched all day and night. And we didn’t find you until January first. Today is the sixth and it’s-” He glanced down at his watch. “Four in the morning, Jesus Christ.” 

You glanced around the room, taking in the different cots, the multitude of locked medical cabinets, and a shiver shot down your spine. Your skin crawled, out of place and uncomfortable; it was too white, clear, pure , and it reminded you too much of your void you escaped. 

“You don’t have to give me any details, however I’ve been running around trying to figure out what has made your heartbeat a little weird when we got you here.” 

Sucking in a deep breath, you turned your attention back to him. “They…They injected a higher dose of epinephrine than what's in an epipen. I-” Dropping your gaze, you tried wrapping your head around everything. “I heard you question or whatever that my heart stopped. I remember my heart was beating really fast, like it was in my throat and ready to jump out, then it slowed down quickly and I passed out or maybe-” 

Seonghwa stopped you, holding his hand out so as to not push you further. “It’s okay. It just means I’ll want to monitor your heart a little while longer. Would it be okay to ask about the burns on your sides?” 

“Wet sponges and either a generator or something, some things are still fuzzy and my head hurts.” Your lie was weak, you simply didn’t want to relieve all of the pain right now, there was already a pit in your stomach as heavy as a boulder. 

“Yeosang, Jihoon, and I bandaged and cleaned you up the best we could. I asked Sona and a few women she trusted to do anything else since I didn’t know how comfortable you were… We could only do so much about the…branding. Once it heals, we can look into plastic surgery for you-” 

“When can I go home?” 

“Home-?” He stuttered, collecting his thoughts and nodded, this soft, caring side of him show. “If you let me examine you one more time and promise to rest, I don’t see why you couldn’t go home later today. I’ll get a portable heart monitor you could wear on your chest that is all for you as well. I need to order it though.”

Only nodding to him, Seonghwa stood and you flinched once more. “Do you just want to get this done before people show up and I’m already awake?” 

Wordlessly, you nodded for the second time and he quickly shut the privacy curtain just in case. Seonghwa took his time mainly for your sake. He touched you as little as possible and apologized each time you flinched, but overall asked you to move your limbs to show him what he needed. He did get bandages for your hands that you placed on independently. He explained the signs of a concussion; heightened agitation, lack of focus, weird eating patterns, and asked to let him know if your headache persisted longer than a few days. When you needed to stand, your knees buckled and you fell to the floor, yelping in pain. 

It took all your willpower to let him help you up. If he noticed how you tensed up despite him gripping your clothes more than you, he said nothing. He gave you plenty of space after, giving you breathing room before you attempted to stand again, holding into the bed. Seonghwa explained it was mostly from being bedridden for days and to not beat yourself up about it. 

When he was somewhat satisfied with your mobility, he further went on about wanting to change the bandage on your chest, but offered to take you to the bathroom with the mirror and walk you through the process on your own. As per…third degree burn treatment, he had been changing the sterile bandages and placing an antibiotic cream on it to not risk any infection so close to your heart. It would, sadly, take a month or two to fully heal, but he was sure it would heal without an issue as long as you cared for it. You took his offer to learn how to change the dressings for at home care, but you wanted to see how it looked… 

Seonghwa hesitated for a moment, the discomfort evident on his face, but he agreed, knowing you’d have to see it sooner or later either way. He guided you into the bathroom after gathering what was needed and stood silently in the corner of the bathroom, staring at you concerned as you unbuttoned your shirt enough to remove the bandage. 

It looked…gross to put it lightly. The skin was swollen and irritated, dry as hell around the edges of it. The brand spot itself was white with spots of brown and red, blistering too, seeing the lower layer of your skin, which looked slimy and had bile burning the back of your already sore throat. You were lucky the shirt they changed you into was button up style and you could cover a majority of it while resting here. 

As promised, Seonghwa guided you through the proper dressing procedure and cleaning, saying he’d send enough supplies for a little while home with you. He pointed to himself a lot which you watched in the mirror to guide you, answering any questions you had. 

You could already hear commotion outside as you placed the last piece of medical tape to secure the bandage. Hesitantly despite the curiosity, you rolled up the sleeves and stared at the healing handprint bruises on your forearms and upper arms.

Staring at yourself for a moment, you cowered at the memories that raced through your mind. Every moment felt fresh, you would probably feel scared and uncomfortable for a long while. Hell, you were kinda scared to shower giving the drawing you experienced. Your body ached and all your nerves were alight with anxiety. 

“Do you want me to ask them to leave?” He asked, placing the garbage in the trash. “Or-” 

“I-” You fully buttoned your shirt, sighing at your bruised face and split lip. “I want to see if I can handle it with them…” 

“Are you sure?” Glancing at him in the mirror, Seonghwa looks nervous for you. He didn’t look a smidge confident. 

“I don’t have much of a choice, Seonghwa.” Sighing again, you made sure your sleeves were fully rolled down and checked yourself one last time in the mirror.

You looked tired, one could say ragged. Someone had braided your hair so it didn’t get knotted and tangled, probably Sona. Your skin was begging for a proper shower and you wanted your coziest sweater to sleep in. Everything was going to be weak as you healed, you just hoped that you’d be able to have some normal feelings soon. 

“Let’s do this.” You whispered to yourself and moved to the door. 

You could feel Seonghwa’s looming presence behind you, that prickling anxiety giving your goosebumps. With one final breath in, you pushed the door open, tensing at the hoard of eyes full of worry and tiredness staring at you. 

Chan tried to call out to stop them, but Jeonghan, Joshua, and Seokmin rushed forward and you recoiled away from them. They were talking quickly, loud , and at least one of them was crying. They were touching your hands, arms, and someone was holding your face gently. Someone else was telling them to stop, but they argued, not that you could hear the exchange with the blood rushing past your ears. You were breathing hard again, heart beating out of your chest, trying to push them away and struggling as the rush of the members of Monsta X holding you down flooded back. You didn’t know if you were verbalizing things, your panic attack scrambling your thoughts, but your body felt like it was on fire. Your lungs burned, your skin growing flush, and you were starting to sweat.

Every fiber in your body screamed that it was in danger – you were in danger. 

Someone yelled – wait – you think you yelled, screamed . 

“Back up!” Seonghwa yelled like earlier, grabbing you and pushing you back into the bathroom. 

Your back pressed into the freezing cold tiles and you slid down to the floor. There was shouting and the door slammed with a harsh thunk, the sounds outside muffled. 

Hugging your knees, you tried to stop yourself from shaking, rocking yourself back and forth comfortingly, sucking in short breaths to regulate. The pins and needles feeling was slowly building in your hands and feet, you were lightheaded and so glad for the cool temperature in the bathroom. 

You didn’t know how long it was until the bathroom door opened next. It was much quieter, but Jongho and Sona stared down at your broken form when you looked up. You tried to look past their legs, able to see many other sets of feet in the distance still. 

“It’s okay.” You’ve never heard Sona speak so softly before. She squatted down, keeping her distance. “You can come out.” 

“Everything hurts.” You sounded congested, complaining tiredly, and she scoffed while Jongho gave a sad smile. 

“Well yeah, that’s what happens when you pull out your IVs and don’t have any pain meds and have two panic attacks. Duh.” 

Jongho looked over his shoulder and huffed, whispering his words. “Seonghwa is giving them an earful.” 

“They deserve it for being fucking stupid.” Sona rolled her eyes, clearly unhappy after learning what happened. 

Slowly you peeled yourself off the floor, huffing out in exertion. Your sides hurt, your chest itched, and you think you were hungrier under all the heightened emotions. Sona placed herself between you and the rest with Jongho trailing behind, walking out to the open medical room. 

“That was the most reckless thing you could have done, do you know that?” Seonghwa’s tone and the tearful expressions most wore was enough to know the scolding and scare they got. 

“I want to go home.” You cut Seonghwa off before he could continue and there was a mix of reactions staring back. “I want to go home now.”

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[death-rebirth-senshi]

I can't find the post I'm looking for but I'm sooo obsessed with the concept of Varric not really knowing Hawke, partly because of course most people in fandom follows what the game peddles, that Varric and Hawke are besties, and partly because Varric clearly prides himself on knowing Hawke. I love the idea that what Varric "knows" is the character he flattens Hawke into, that he's spent so much time telling stories about Hawke, even if it's borne of love and admiration, that even he himself has lost the plot and Hawke is a bit of a stranger to him.

I've always been a little obsessed with the concept of Hawke outright resenting Varric anyway, secretly or openly, partly inspired by the juicy threat inherent to Varric's rivalry description "Varric will tell your story whether you like it or not." And anyway I just woke up this morning thinking about that.

Like all it takes to be rivals with Varric is to be direct and violent rather than clever and diplomatic, and I think from there it's very easy for Varric to write especially a red hawke off.

[whump-imagines]

Just a Sprain

Tim x reader

WC: 1200 ish

For @whumpcember walking on injuries

--

You’d been sitting on the couch for two hours when you heard the front door unlock.

“Hey, babe,” you greet. “How do you feel about delivery for dinner? I'm thinking maybe pizza.”

“I thought you wanted to try that new recipe you–” he stopped as he rounded the couch and took you in. “What happened?”

You leaned forward and pulled the ice pack and towel off your very swollen ankle. “Ugh, I tripped off a curb like a total klutz and then I walked on it for four blocks.”

He sat, carefully avoiding your foot, then gently rubbed his hand up and down your calf. “Why didn't you call me? I would have come to get you.”

“Well it was after lunch with Sam when we were walking to the bar and I might have already been tipsy. So it didn't really hurt at the time,” you explained.

Tim chuckled. “Of course. Does it hurt now?”

You shook your head. “No. I took some ibuprofen when I got home and I've been icing it, too.”

He took the mostly melted ice pack and stood. “ER tonight or urgent care tomorrow?”

You looked up at him, confused. “For what? I'm sure it's a sprain.”

He pulls out his phone and starts typing before he explains. “That's a lot of swelling for a sprain. You're getting x-rays to make sure it's not broken.” His phone dings and he checks the screen. “Grace says you should get in pretty quick. We can grab fast food on the way.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “Fine. Can we get Jack in the Box?”

“Whatever you want.” He stands from the couch and turns to lift you.

You swat at his hands. “I can walk. Or hobble slowly, anyway.”

He easily lifts you into his arms. “I think you walked on it too much already.”

“I bet you it's just a sprain.”

He smiles at you. “What do I get when you're wrong?”

“Um, a foot rub?” you suggested.

He set you in the passenger seat of his truck and started to pull out the seatbelt. “And what do you get?”

You took the buckle for him and latched it. “I got it, my arms still work. I get a dressed up dinner date.”

He chuckled and closed your door. He rounded the front and hopped into the drivers seat. “Dress shirt?”

You shook your head. “Three piece suit.”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay, deal.”

Ten minutes later, he was pulling into the drive-thru and ordering your dinner.

As soon as he pulled back into traffic, you pulled out sandwiches and fries. Arranging them carefully on the center armrest, you stuffed a few fries in your mouth. “This was a better idea than cooking.”

“Of course it was. You can't stand on that ankle.”

“Well, yeah. But that’s not what I meant. I wasn't really sold on that new recipe.”

While you sat in traffic on the way to the hospital, you both finished your food. Soon after, he pulled up to the emergency room entrance. He got out and rounded the truck, lifting you again and carrying you into the waiting room.

He walked up to the desk to check you in and returned a moment later with a clipboard. “You fill this out and I'm going to go park. I'll be right back.”

Shortly after he returned, you finished all the paperwork and he returned it to the check in desk. When he sat, you leaned your head on his shoulder. He kissed the crown of your head before resting his cheek against your head. Both of you pulled out your phones to pass the time.

As Grace had promised, you didn't have to wait long. It had only been about half an hour a nurse was calling you back.

“Can we grab a wheelchair?” Tim requested.

“Oh, of course. I'll be right back.” She disappeared around the corner and then pushed the chair over to you.

Tim helped you stand on your good leg and rotate to the wheelchair.

The nurse took you back to a room and Tim helped again with getting you situated on the bed. She quickly collected a set of vitals and left with a promise that a doctor would be in soon.

Grace came into the room a couple minutes later. “Hey, guys. How are you?”

“I'm fine,” you started. “I tripped over a curb earlier and Tim thinks it's broken. I think he's paranoid.”

“Alright, well let's take a look.” She looked at your foot and carefully examined it. Once she'd checked everything over she asked, “So you said you tripped on a curb? Going up or down?”

“Down,” you explained. “I wasn't paying attention and I was closer to it than I thought and I guess, technically, kind of rolled my ankle on the top and then my foot slid and I fell. But it really didn't hurt that much. Not even after I walked four more blocks to the bar.”

She hummed. “Well let's get an x-ray and see what we've got, okay?”

“Okay.”

“They'll come get you shortly and take you down to radiology.”

“Thanks, Grace,” Tim said. “Could we get an ice pack to put on it while we wait?”

“Already on it. The nurse will bring that in–” She was interrupted by the door swinging open to reveal the same nurse that'd brought you back. “Right now.” Grace laughed. “I'll be back as soon as I get those x-rays. Just call a nurse or text me if you need anything.”

A few minutes later, a guy came in pushing a wheelchair. “Evening, I'm Matt. I'll be your ride to x-ray.”

He and Tim helped you maneuver into the wheelchair. “I should have just stayed in the one I was in a minute ago.”

“You can wait here,” Matt told Tim. “You can't go into radiology. We'll be back in a few minutes.”

Soon you were back in the same room in the ER waiting for Grace to come tell you the results of the x-ray.

“Okay, so you do have a small hairline fracture,” Grace announced as she entered. She took the x-ray and slid it onto the light board. She traced a small dark line across the bone. “I'm pretty sure it is a stress fracture from walking on the sprain.”

“Ugh. So cast?” You ask.

“No. You'll get a boot for a few weeks and then a brace after that,” she explains. “Once the fracture heals, you'll likely need some physical therapy.”

She quickly got you set up with the boot and a referral to PT. Then she got you discharged and Tim walked you back to the truck.

Once he buckled his seat belt, he looked over at you. “So, I think you owe me a foot rub.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You win.”

“I'll hold off on cashing in until you're healed, deal?” He offers.

“Okay,” you agree.

He takes your hand in his. “How about some ice cream on the way home?”

“Yes, please!”

[iouinotes]

Dark night, sweet lips | Alex Walter

pairing: Alex Walter x female!reader

show: My life with the Walter boys

warnings: smut, kissing, arguments (between Cole and Alex)

summary: Alex is arguing with Cole and you´re trying to make his evening better afterwards.

authors note: An anonymous person asked if I could write a scenario where the reader and Alex have (angry) sex in the car. I converted it a bit, hope it's still ok! It has taken me so long to finish writing this ff and I am relieved to finally be able to publish it…

Alex is probably the sweetest soul to walk this earth. For me, he is the most beautiful ray of sunshine, the brightest star and every spark of light that dispels the darkness.

He is my first boyfriend, but I feel it every time he smiles at me, that I will never want another man this close by my side. He is the second half of my longing soul.

The two years we have been together were the best of my life. I know that it is so often said that "love blinds you" and that the greatest heroes fell victim to love, fell so incredibly hard for it.

My love for him still blinds me every day, but I don't regret a single second of it.

He doesn't give me any reason to regret us, not when he does everything to make me happy.

He buys me my favorite sweets, gifts me books with the phrase "I thought you might like it", he kisses my forehead when I have a headache. And I just need to be quiet for a while too long and he will make me laugh until every bad thought inside my head has disappered. He cuddles me, watches movies with me, that make me cry, just to hold me in his arms and whisper to me, how much he loves me, during the credits.

Maybe some people will say it's too good to be true. That there has to be something to break through his perfect facade.

And actually there is something.

He breaks down when his feelings are hurt. If it happens, there's nothing I wouldn't do to see him happy again.

Just like now.

The reason for his anger is Cole. I know how much Alex loves his family and that deep in his heart, he sees Cole as a role model. Even if they fight each other over every little thing and throw words at each other, that will never be spoken of again.

While the first three hours of the family dinner went well, there was of course a point, that caused the good mood to change for the worse.

"Just because you didn't make it, I should skip college too? You're such an asshole, Cole." Alex's angry voice leaves an awkward silence, but only until the blond brother answers.

"I'm the asshole? I'm not leaving my family and travel to the other side of the planet!" When I meet Kathrine's gaze, I can see the desperation hidden in her eyes.

"Oxford isn't that far away, you shitty-" But his sentence is interrupted when George suddenly stands up.

"Boys, please be nice to each other! The evening was pleasant until now, stop acting like nine year olds." George's voice echoes in the room and despite the protests of the actual children, who are this age, the request doesn't help to stop the fight.

I usually stay out of the arguments, that the two brothers often have and Jackie normally does the same.

But this time we both look at each other and notice how much more tense the situation is becoming. And that every wrong word would only make their relationship worse.

"Cole, let's go upstairs. I think I left my history book with you." Her stern voice is the only thing that catches Cole's attention and when he turns his angry gaze to her, he seems conflicted of his next actions.

I also step in and gently put my arm around my boyfriend's, putting my lips close to his ear.

"Let's step outside for a moment, please." Alex's anger is also still clearly visible, but when his parents also get up to try to intervene, I manage to successfully pull Alex away from the drama.

His angry gaze softens slightly when he finally looks at me.

As we step out the front door into the cold night air and I close the door quietly behind me, Alex's unhappy voice immediately echoes trough the silence.

"He's such an idiot! Just because he couldn't go to college, he has to ruin it for me too. He's so selfish." I notice goosebumps spreading across my skin and only now realize, that I've forgotten my jacket. But I try do order my thoughts by crossing my arms over my chest, focusing on the boy in front of me.

"Alex, I know how upset you are with him right now. But he's just hurt, that his chance to leave this city and go off to college is gone. You know exactly how much the loss of football still affects him." I try to be reasonable, even though Cole's rude words about Alex's decision to go to college, makes me angry too.

"You don't understand, he said I was wasting our parents' money just to run away with it! You didn't see my mother's look when he said that." A sad feeling clinges to my heart, seeing him in such pain. I walk closer to him, gently holding his face in my hands and trying to meet his gaze.

His eyes, full of anger and despair, stare into my soul. I want to take away any sorrow from him.

"Alex, your parents know how much you love them. And that you would never do something like that. It is your future, your education and also your chance to change your life. They know how important this decision is, how important college is to you. Cole just can't handle it properly right now."

He sighs, his eyes briefly look at the dark, starry sky until the next moment, where he places his hands on mine and a small smile creeps onto his lips.

"You are wonderful, you know that? You are my heart and my mind, all combined. What would I do without you?" His words melt a part of my heart, which already belongs to him and I focus my gaze for a second too long on his lips.

As a cold breeze hits our bodies, I shiver slightly and faster than I can register, he strips off his jacket and holds it in front of me, so I can put it on.

As I slide into the sleeves and mumble a small "thank you", he quickly pulls me back to him. Wrapping his arms around my waist.

His eyes sparkle like a thousand stars.

“I just want to be alone with you right now. No arguments, nothing but you and me.” His whispering voice interrupts my many thoughts.

As I'm about to answer, a loud knock sounds behind us and I suddenly see his little brother making ridiculous faces. Laughing, I notice Alex's frustrated expression and hear him muttering under his breath.

But when I look behind him, I see the blue familiar car, leaning against the barn and an idea forms in my head. I point with my hand in this direction and confused he raises his eyebrows at me.

"What's on your mind, darling?"

Smiling as he keeps his gaze on me, I slowly drag him down the stairs by his hand. The warmth he radiates, makes me never want to let go of him again.

"Just you. Only ever you."

When we are just a step away from the car, I push some strands of hair out of my face and turn my back to him.

Waiting for him.

"Now we can be silent, if you want." He smiles at me, I see it in the corner of my eye, until he finally wraps his arms around my waist and together we walk to the car. Leaning my back against it and facing him, we laugh.

"Maybe I want to fill in the silence." I raise my eyebrows, smiling at his words.

The metal is cool, Alex's body in front of me warm. His eyes watch every expression on my face until they finally move to my blue dress. Which moves gently in the wind.

“You look wonderful tonight, so beautiful. My girl, more radiant than the night sky." His face gets closer and closer, until I feel his breath on my face.

How beautiful he looks today, black shirt, tight pants and disheveled hair. These lips that are as inviting as the look he gives me.

I feel myself trying harder and harder to breathe, he has this effect on me.

As he leans closer to me and places his hand on my cheek, I close my eyes.

He slowly leans in and captures my lips in a sweet kiss, my fingers tangle in his hair.

His hands are not idle either, they stroke the sides of my hips and grip the light blue material of my dress. Pressing myself closer to his warm body, I have to suppress a shudder.

His lips press harder against mine, I feel my heart beating so fast. My chest feeling so warm, like a sun exploded inside me.

Then his tongue strokes my bottom lip and as I open my mouth, he slides his tongue inside of it, gently pushing me against the car now.

Without being able to stop it, a soft moan escapes me, his hand that is on the back of my head moves to my chin as he pulls away from me.

I take a breathless breath, he lifts my chin slightly to meet his gaze and when I look into his eyes, I realize again how incredibly in love I am with him.

If he only knew what he was doing to me.

"Maybe we should go back inside now." Such a gentleman, always so accommodating. His thumb strokes my heated cheek and I swallow loudly as his eyes return to my lips despite his words.

"What if I don't want us to go in yet?" His eyes now look into mine, confusion swirling in his irises.

“Then what do you want, pretty?" I lean close to him, searching his gaze and breathe a single word at him.

"You." His eyes widen and when his mouth opens in surprise, I lower my hands to push his jacket off my shoulders.

His gaze doesn't leave me. I see nervousness decorating his handsome face.

"What, here? Now? But, someone might see us-" I place my finger on his lips, pulling my hand down until I intertwine mine with his.

"Then open the door." I see him swallow and as the jacket hits the ground, he seems to come back to life.

Nodding, he seems to compose himself, rummages in his trouser pocket and, luckily, pulls out the key.

As the lock is turned, he opens the door for me and I smile softly as I sit in the back seat.

As he joins me and closes the door, darkness surrounds us. As soon as his hands find my body, my heart pounds loudly.

I silently wonder if he can hear my heartbeat.

"Won't the others be curious, if we're gone too long?" My hand moves up his thigh, gently pressing on the bulge that's forming in his pants.

“Then hurry up." I pull his hand to the straps of my dress, giving him time to trace small patterns into my skin.

It's not our first time, but definitely a primary one, to be intimate somewhere else other than our beds.

"Are you sure? I don't have a condom with me." I slowly push him against the back seat and sit on his lap. His hands quickly find my waist and I wrap my arms around his shoulders as I answer him breathless.

"Check my pocket." When he tries to contradict me, he stops as soon as he pulls a small bag out of the pocket of my dress.

"You're amazing, how-" but when my lips meet his, he has to swallow at my next sentence.

"I love your voice Alex, but I would love it even more if you would whisper dirty things into my ear, instead of asking why I carry a condom with me, which is obvious for many reasons. Now, please touch me." My whiny voice is enough to finally get him to move.

His hands wander under my dress and stroke the bare skin of my thighs, I press my mouth against his neck and leave kisses there.

I feel his heart racing beneath my hands as his fingers find my underwear.

"Can I-" I nod in frustration and pull his shirt over his head, his messy hair and the nervous look in his eyes making me squeeze my legs together.

"You look so good, Alex. So, so good, I need you inside me." As if he's finally deciphering the situation, a smile spreads across his face and when his hands stop moving, I want to protest.

"Shhh, I want to look at you first." I pull my lip between my teeth and feel his fingers touching my lower lip, sliding over it.

"You can look at me, while you fuck me." The shocked look in his eyes makes me pause for a moment, but then I slowly raise my hand.

Confused, he waits for my next move and when I take his hand into mine and push his thumb into my mouth, I swirl my tongue around it.

I keep my eyes on him. His fascinated expression makes my heart skip a beat.

After a few seconds he pulls his fingers out of my mouth again, I lean in further to whisper to him.

"Stretch me, please. I need something inside me." It takes him a moment to register my words and when he does, his fingers trail anlong my body. Letting the wetness wander down my arm until his hand disappears under my dress.

I have to inhale sharply when his thumb strokes my clothed core and I have to stop myself from begging him to finally do something.

When I turn my gaze to him, he is already looking at me.

As his fingers push my underwear to the side, collecting my wetness, a moan escapes my lips.

"Please-" Then his finger slowly sinks into me, I want so much more of him. The sound is dirty as his finger slides into me so easily.

"Always so polite, have you been this wet all evening? Or does my hand make you feel that good?" I nod quickly, wanting to tell him I need more. But before I can open my mouth, he lowers a second finger into me and my eyes close in pleasure.

My mouth opens slightly, a tremor running through my body as his lips meet my skin.

My cheek, my neck, then my collarbones and finally across the fabric to my chest. I put my hand on his hair, tugging at the strands as my head spins.

When he looks into my eyes, the look so sweet and mischievous at the same time, I could cum on the spot at the sight of him.

Why does this boy have to have freckles too? Shit, you'll be the death of me.

"Can you hurry up? I want-" When his fingers hit the special spot inside me, I tighten around his hand. I feel my eyebrows knit together in frustration.

"What do you want, pretty one? I thought you wanted my fingers. You have them." As I lean closer to him so we are face to face, I kiss my way down his chest.

When I look up at him, his lips part slightly.

"I'll give you some motivation to figure it out then." His fingers pull out of me, but before it annoys me too much, I lower myself to the floor and wrap my hands around his waistband.

I kiss the fabric, letting my hands roam over his stomach. I see his hands trying to hold onto the leather.

Then I break away from him and quickly help get rid of his pants, pulling down his boxer shorts as well. A short breath escapes his lips, as the cold air hits his exposed skin.

"Do you really want to-" As soon as I put my hand around his cock, he stutters.

I twist my wrist around his cock, collecting the precum at the tip, starting to move my hand up and down. His brows furrows and he struggles to keep his eyes open.

Then, without warning him, I gently wrap my lips around his head, sucking lightly as I swirl my tongue around him.

His head hits the back of the car with a grunt, his hand quickly finding its way into my hair.

I slowly sink my mouth lower, hollowing out my mouth as his loud breathing rings in the silence. He chews his lip with his teeth, then he finally gathes his strength to look at me with lustful eyes.

It only takes a few movements of my tongue for his grip on my hair to tighten.

When I realize he's about to cum, I pull my head back. When I look up at him I see his flushed cheeks.

"Why did you stop?" His lazy eyes look into mine and as his hand cups my cheek to hold my face, I feel myself dripping.

This sight, me on my knees in front of him, him with his chest heaving rapidly and his eyes wide open - he looks like an angel.

Well, a naughty angel.

I smile sweetly at him, his eyes almost automatically go to my mouth. I know how much he wants my lips around him again, but when I swing my legs over his lap, he realizes my intentions.

"Take off my clothes." He doesn't need to be told twice.

His hand wraps around my dress at my waist and when he looks at every part of my skin exposed to him, he pulls my dress up.

As I raise my arms, he helps me to take it off. Now I'm sitting only in my underwear in front of him. His hand moves over my breasts, caressing the lace bra, my sensitive nipple and I shiver as the cold air hits me.

He grins at me as his left hand finds the clip on my bra and he opens it with a click. His fingers slowly stroke my arms, goosebumps appear as he pulls the straps from my shoulders and takes off my bra.

As he maintains eye contact with me, he leans forward, I hold my hand to the back of his head as he swirls a nipple with his tongue.

I close my eyes as the feeling intensifies, his one hand resting on my hip while the other hand cups my breast. Without noticing, I lower myself onto his thighs. Trying to put pressure on my core.

But he just tightens his grip around my waist, pausing the movement as he pulls away from my chest and his fingers stroke over my stomach.

Anticipation builds in my stomach as his right hand wraps around the material of my underwear. As I lift my hips, he slowly slides the material down my legs.

As I lower myself again, his hand moves around my thighs. Our heated skin meets when there is no longer any material separating us.

As our hands connect, he brings mine closer to his mouth. Kisses the skin and makes a smile appear on my lips.

"Ready?" His quiet voice makes me nod.

His hand wraps around my waist, helping me lift myself up as he directs his cock at my entrance and we both let out a loud sigh, when we meet.

I pull my arms around his shoulders, cupping both of my hands around his face as I lower myself further onto him.

The tugging hurts slightly, but it's pleasant as he leans in, stealing my attention as he places his lips on mine.

The kiss is a mixture of our breathing, love and pleasure.

The heat that arises between us warms up the car. I see the windows fogging up out of the corner of my eye.

When my hips are right on his own, he stretches me out so much, that I feel him all the way into my stomach.

His sweet lips brush the corners of my mouth, my cheek. His hand goes around my back, trying to give me time to get used to him.

"Do you feel good?" As I rock against him and he's moaning in respone, I laugh against his skin.

"Does this answer your question?" The look he gives me, leaves me out of breath.

"God, you´re amazing." I smile to myself, slowly lowering myself back onto him. His eyes follow my movements, as his lips settle between the valley of my chest.

His breath is warm against my skin, I almost want to close my eyes, but decide against it when I meet his attentive gaze.

When I finally move, I let out a shaky breath. I need a moment to savor the feeling. To savor being so close to him.

"Do you need help, beautiful?" I nod slightly, feeling his hands wrap around my waist and helping to lift me up.

As soon as I lower myself, I murmur his name like a prayer.

"Alex-" A groan escapes me.

"I know, beautiful. You're doing so good." My hands roam from his shoulders over his bare chest, over the heated skin. As my fingers wrap around his neck to rest my forehead against his, he lifts his hips.

His hands press into my skin, surely leaving a mark for the next day, but his mumbled words draw all attention away.

The sight of his freckles look like a gorgeous work of art.

"You like that? If everyone could see you? Fuck-" He takes a sharp breath as I start moving faster. His question makes my stomach tingle.

"I just want you to see me." His mouth twists into a smile and I lower myself to steal a kiss.

"I only want you too." His lips feel warm aginst mine. His tongue traces my bottom lip and as my thighs shake, his hands roaming my back.

“Do you want to swap?” Out of breath, I just nod, wanting to finally come.

The next second, I'm lying in the back seat, a laugh escaping me as his mouth hovers over my stomach.

He leaves dizzying kisses there, my fingers stroking his wet hair. For that moment as we look at each other, there is only us.

Then he slowly kisses his way down my thighs, across my stomach, up to my chest and finally hovers over my face.

He supports himself on the armrest while my fingers stroke his cheek. As he enters me again, my eyes squeeze shut in pleasure and my mouth hangs open.

I feel his grin in the darkness.

"Stop doing that." My voice sounds slightly embarrassed between us, but a smile still creeps onto my lips at his satisfaction.

"What? I just want to make my girl feel good." I wrap my legs around his waist, connecting our bodies even closer.

"You´re so beautiful, you know that? I could stare at you all day and it still wouldn´t be enough." His hip movements are so deep, that I can feel him in my stomach.

His hands wander over every part of my body that is spread out in front of him. My mouth opens in pleasure as I feel my climax approaching.

“I want to come so bad, please- Alex, please let me come.” His mouth settles on my collarbones, leaving marks, and all I can do is moan, unable to care.

"You deserve it, you've been so good to me. Let go, you can." It's always these moments, his whispering voice, his seductive, sweet words and that look in his eyes. It's as if the world stops the moment I reach my climax with him.

The thought is the last thing I need and as his hand wraps lovingly around my cheek and he gives me a sweet kiss on the lips, I see white.

I feel so good, only hearing in the background as he lets out a long moan and comes inside me with one last thrust. I notice how he lets his weight rest lightly on me, before he grips my hips and swaps our positions.

A slight moan leaves me as he pulls out of me and with my last remaining strength, I lay my head on his heated chest. Our breaths synchronize perfectly in the next seconds and I feel deeply lovestruck.

“I love you.” His fingers stroke my temples, brushing individual, sweaty strands from my face.

“I love you more.” How wonderful these three words sound, when they are said by him.

As we lie together in the dark and the bright stars shine down on us, there is nothing more beautiful than this moment.

Well, maybe him.

[phoebepheebsphibs]

I was drawing DM Mikey's shell and the more I draw it, the more I realize it looks kinda like Raph's shell...

So I started to imagine...

Raph noticed it first, but hadn't said anything. He wasn't sure why Mikey's shell looked the way it did. But how it happened couldn't be anything good. It was cracked, shattered, split into pieces that rolled over themselves. Mikey's shell had once been a work of art. Now, it was a scribbled out, torn up version of what Raphael's spiky shell looked like. He wasn't sure anyone else had noticed it. But he wasn't going to bring it up just yet. Mikey had been through enough torment, and Raph wasn't sure if this would be a trigger for him or not. Besides... it just served as another mocking reminder of what had happened.

Leo was the one who recognized the similarities next. It had happened while Mikey was scuttling around his little jungle gym, and had his back turned. Leo managed to glance up at him the right way, and suddenly pointed.

"Hey Raph, doesn't Mikey's shell look kinda like--"

Raph immediately slapped his hand over Leon's face.

"Mmmf -- hey!" he yelled, angrily pulling his big brother's hand down so he could speak again. "What was that for?!"

"Don't say anything about it yet," Raph begged. "Please?"

Leo didn't understand, but complied. At the very least, he didn't want to get slapped again. He kept his mouth shut.

But Donnie noticed it too. He and April were in the labs, going over one of Mikey's x-rays when April suddenly pointed out the obvious.

"Ah yes," Donnie replied with a nod. "I was wondering if anyone else had seen that."

"Do you think Raph knows?" she asked.

"I mentioned it to him. Apparently Leo also said something, and I'm pretty sure Papa also noticed it. But Raph said not to mention it again."

"Why?"

"I think he's still on edge about everything. He's been walking on eggshells ever since we got Mikey home. Metaphorically speaking, of course."

That didn't sound like Raph. Sure, he was overly cautious at times, but this felt different. Something was off about this. So she went looking for him to figure it out.

"Raph? Hey, big guy?"

April tapped the door to his train car. He was sitting alone, reading a Lou Jitsu biography. He looked up with a smile when he saw his big sister.

"Oh, hey April! What's up?"

"I, uh, wanted to ask you something."

"Sure, what is it?"

April strolled inside and sat next to Raphael. She took a deep breath and did her best to channel her own version of 'Dr. Delicate Touch'.

"Why'd you tell everyone not to talk about Mikey's shell?"

Raph froze.

"Oh. That type of question."

"What did you think I was gonna ask, something about my homework?"

"I was kinda hoping," Raph said sheepishly with a shrug and a half-smile.

Raph twiddled his fingers and sighed. His tail swung lazily over the side of his bed as he tried to answer the question.

"...I guess... I just felt bad. I mean, Mikey's shell used to be so beautiful, it was bright and colourful and -- well, you get the idea. And now... it's all broken. It's just another reminder that he's different now, and how he's hurting now, and that... it was... my fault."

"Aww, man," April sighed as she took his hand. "You can't just blame yourself for this. You had no idea what would happen --"

"But I should have known something, I should have done better, and now... now he looks like... I dunno. But he doesn't look anything like himself anymore. And the fact that his shattered shell resembles mine? It just serves as a constant sign that he's that way because I failed him."

Raph's hands trembled as he cried. April comforted him as best she could. She knew this whole ordeal was a lot on them, and they were doing all they could to help Mikey get back to normal. She hadn't considered that the fact Mikey's shell looked similar to Raph's would have been even more of a reminder that he was different and broken.

April sighed and went along with Raph's wishes. She didn't agree with Raph's decision; or at least she didn't like his reasons behind the decision. But she stayed quiet.

But then one day Mikey was with Raphael, climbing all over his brother as he usually did to play with him, when he suddenly stopped, and started examining Raph's shell.

"Hmm..."

"Mikey?" Raph asked, twisting to try and see what his little brother was up to. "What's wrong? Whaddya doin' back there?"

Mikey suddenly gasped and wriggled around to face him, eyes wide and excited.

"Rrrrraphie! Raphie, look!!"

He pointed to Raph's back, tapping the spikes and scutes on his shell before twisting his own back so Raph could see Mikey's beaten, broken, and battered shell.

"My sh-sh-shell looks just l-l-like yours!"

Raph's face fell.

"...Uh, y-yeah, it kinda does. Wait, do you actually like that? You like that our shells look alike now?"

"Yes!!" Mikey cheers. "Mikey looks just Raph now! I-I look just like m-my big brrrotherrr!"

Raph stared in shock at Mikey for a moment. His lip quivered and his forehead wrinkled as he tried to keep from crying. Raphael gently took Mikey off of his shoulders and wrapped him in a hug.

"Thank you, Mikey.... I was so worried that you'd hate it...."

"Huh? W-Why would I hate it? It rrrrreminds me of you! And I love y-you, Raphie. I love you a lot!"

Raph sobbed quietly into Mikey's shoulders as he embraced him tighter. Mikey pat him on the back, not sure why he was crying, but confident that they were tears of joy.

"I love you too, big man...."

@boots-with-the-fur-club

[yoyokslut]

Better man. (Sequel of you're losing me)

Pedri x reader.

Word count: 3444 words.

a/n: I know this took forever but I didn't have the inspiration to write it but one night I was listening to better man and everything clicked. Hope you like it :)

12 am and you were still awake... Again, this was the third night in a row. Since what happened at Pedri's was haunting you and replaying in your head over and over again you couldn't fall asleep. It's been 3 months since then and forgetting about it wasn't as easy as you thought.

You couldn't fool yourself, you missed him more than you'd like to admit. You missed going on late night drives around the city, movie nights, making dinner together, laughing about how bad his jokes were and him teasing you because either way they made you laugh, just feeling him being part of your life... Part of you.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night

I can feel you again

He's been texting and calling you but you knew the moment you accept a call or text you'd fall for him like the very first time and you knew you couldn't let that happen, it wasn't fair for you so ignoring him was the best option for now.

Lately you've been going to one of you favourite cafe every afternoon where across of it was a small park with beautiful flowers and near there a beautiful lake, the cafe was a comfort place because there were stunning sunsets and it was always nice to see the kids playing around the park and people having fun in the lake.

So today you decided to buy a coffee and go sit on the dock with your headphones on.

It passed a couple of minutes before you felt someone touching your shoulder, so you took off your headphones, turned around and saw him.

Your body tensed right away it's been long since you saw him.

"Hi," he said a little bit nervous.

"Hi,"

"I've been trying to call you and text you but you weren't picking up,"

"We don't have nothing to talk about anyway," you said trying to walk away from him.

"Please don't go," he grabbed your arm gently "I'm tired of missing you, please let me come back to you, I miss you with my life, preciosa,"

Preciosa there he was again trying to be sweet and calling you nicknames that he knew they made things to you, thinking that was enough and you hate how you and your body reacted to them.

But I just miss you

And I just wish you were a better man

"Oh so you think I wasn't tired every time you pushed me away and made me a second option or sometimes not even an option?" you stared at him frowning "You thought I was very joyful just waiting for you all the time just for you not even notice my presence? You should be the last one to say you are 'tired', Pedri,"

And I gave to you my best

And we both know you can't say that

He swallowed thick, he knew you were right and you deserved so much better than how he treated you.

"I am so sorry, I know I was a jerk and you deserve somebody so much better than me but I can't live without you, I can't sleep if you're not with me, you are my little ray of sunshine in my life, but please give me one more chance, I'd do anything for you, anything you asked me I'll do it, I promise,"

"We both know you're not good at making promises, Pedri, don't promise something we know you can't keep,"

We might still be in love

If you were a better man

"So please stop breaking my heart and stop following me," you said starting to walk.

"I didn't follow you," you looked at him like saying how did you find me then? "Kinda," he blushed.

"I went to every place we used to go when we were together and spend all day there in each of them hoping I'd find you," he looked away from you and your gaze soften at his confession.

This was the sweetest thing anyone has ever made for you.

You sighed for what you were about to tell him and about how vulnerable you were gonna be for him.

"I-i miss you and I still l-love you," you looked at his eyes.

"But I'm scared, what of it doesn't work out? What if we don't work out? I don't want us to get hurt again, I wouldn't be able to take it," a small tear escaped through your cheek.

"I'll do my best every day to remind you how important you are for me, and cherish you for every day I didn't back then. I'm sorry it took me this way to realize how valuable you are, I'll work in myself so I can be the man you deserve and so I can be worthy of you," he said grabbing your face and stroking your cheeks.

"And if you need more time to think about giving us another chance, I'll wait as long as you need,"

"I'm gonna need it," you said.

"My time is all yours,"

Surprise? I guess 🤭

@ironmaiden1313 @http-isabela @gulphulp @sandiaaaaaaa7 @iloveenglishmen

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Our Ray of Sunshine -P.G

Also known as Gender Reveal (2), feedbacks are appreciated, enjoy! Fun fact: I didn't knew what Helena name meant, when I searched for it, it matched with the title I had already given to the fic :)

Summary: Your babygirl is finally here

After the Gender Reveal, all people surrounding you have been over the moon, including you and Pablo, passing from calling it 'It' or 'Baby' to 'She/Her', coming up with names but never getting one, Pablo already had a nickname for her, her aunties, uncles, godfather and even grandparents (Both by blood and by choice/heart) have bought almost every single pink article of clothing, bib, everything, you name it, possible.

They forgot the fact they had already purchased her, a lot of things.

"She's not even born" You began folding her clothes, you already had eight piles of it "and I think I'm gonna have to give a few of these away to others"

"What? Why?" Pablo asked from besides you, looking up from his laptop

"I have already seen the same 'I'm aunties little girl' onesie five times" You look at him, said onesie in your hand showing it to him. He smiled without showing his teeth recognizing the gift as Aurora's one.

"I helped her get that one" You give him a look

"Helena already has that one" You say "In fact, she has other four like that but in different color"

"Just in case she doesn't like the other colors" You narrowed your eyes at him "Also, she's Paula"

"Helena sounds better" You defend

"I like Paula"

"Pablo, I won't put my baby girl your name in femenine!" He laughed hard at that

"I'm just kidding!" He closed his laptop "Helena's beautiful and it has a beautiful meaning" You smiled seeing him sit on the bed, back against the headboard as he grabbed you by the waist and kissed your 34 weeks tummy. Your shining light.

You gasped feeling her kick, you could never get used to it, it was something amazing and her unique way of letting you know she was also there, that she was good, uncomfortable with any x given position, in the convo and in your lifes too.

Even though she hereditated her dad's hard kick and sometimes hurted you a bit, you loved it.

You moved Pablo's hand towards where she was making herself known watching him smile

"You like Helena, little princess?" He asked speaking softly into your tummy leaving some kisses there with a smile on, seconds later, she kicked as you both smiled at each other widely "Helena is it, then"

Two nights after that, you had a bit of trouble while sleeping, she was moving around a lot and no matter what position you got into, it wasn't enough for her

"C'mon, Lena" You whispered "Mommy's tired" You carressed your lower tummy careful of not disrupting Pablo's sleep but failing.

"Something's wrong?" You heard your husband whisper, voice hoarse still filled with sleep "Can I help you in anything?" You hissed stopping your movements, Pablo instantly woke up "C'mon, mi vida. Let's get you up" Pablo stood up inmediately grabbing your hands and pulling you up

"She's being difficult tonight" You managed to say in between breaths. You were feeling an inmense amount of pain in your lower tummy and lower back too.

You took a deep breath feeling the pain knock it out of your lungs, you tried to calm down and take those deep breaths in and slow breaths out just like your mom and Belén had told you to.

"Amor?" You heard Pablo's voice at distance even though he was centimeters away from you, then you felt it.

You felt water run down your thighs and more pain came in

"Did you just-?" You nod humming cutting him off, your hands gripping his tightly "Joder, me cago en la-"

"Pablo" You said warningly taking deep breaths

"What should I do?" He asked you as you gave him a look still trying to breathe properly "Ok, ok! Don't worry, wait here, I'm gonna search for the keys" You nod humming one more time, not really taking in his words you were just keen on making the pain go away.

He left running as you stabilized yourself in your beside table

"Amor, c'mon, let's go" He came back pulling a hoodie of his over your almost naked frame

That's the little story of how you ended up in the hospital two hours later at 5.30am

"It hurts" You cracked out a bit before letting out air

"I know, mi vida, I know; I'm sorry" He kissed your hairline softly "Wish I could take your pain away" He was sat next to your bed, holding his hand tightly in yours "She'll be here soon" You smiled a bit

"She will" You closed your eyes a bit hissing as another contraction hit you "Our parents?" You tried to take your mind away from the pain

"Mine are on their way here along with Au and Javi, yours the car didn't start, they are waiting for you brother to pick them up" You nod "I already called the guys, Pedri and Baldé are here, they're on the waiting room"

"That really sweet of them" You smiled lightly

"Yes it is. Would you like to see them?"

"Later" You took a deep breath already feeling tired "Not a fan of people looking at me while I'm looking awful"

"You're not looking awful at all" Pablo said shaking his head inmediately "You're looking extremely beautiful, more than you always do. You're about to give birth to our babygirl, bring a new life. You're absolutely gorgeous and I love you so much" You smiled feeling another contraction "Feeling okay?" You nod

You spent seven hours more like that, by the time it was due for Helena to come into the world, everyone was inside the room. The guys, your girl friends and families.

"Señora Páez" The doctor came inside with a smile "Ready to bring your little one into this world?" You nod excited as everyone left the room

"Want you here" You whispered to Pablo

"I wasn't going to leave you, mi vida" He kissed your forehead grabbing your hand tightly

"What if I can't do it?" You asked being afraid watching the nurses and the doctor get everything and preparing themselves

"Don't say that. You can and you will do this. You are the strongest woman I've ever met in my whole life, you can do absolutely everything. I love you" He kissed you softly on the lips "You're about to bring the most beautiful thing ever into our lives, mi amor. I trust you, I know you can do this, preciosa"

"Ready?" The doctor asked

"Pablo"

"Get ready, mi amor. I'm here with you. Let's become parents"

When you heard those words come out from his mouth, you pushed, pushed and pushed with your everything. You were going to be a mom, you have waited for this moment ever since you found out of your pregnancy, you wanted to hold you baby in your arms.

And you finally collapsed after hearing the doctor's yell of joy, Pablo's arms catching you and soon you heard her screams and you smiled happily

"Here she is!"

"Preciosa?"

"I'm alright" You breathed out with a smile on "I'm alright" You smiled at Pablo, he smiled back at you and kissed your lips

"Dad, wanna cut the umbilical cord?" Pablo nodded excited hand already out to grab the scissors from the nurse's hand.

Pablo was shaking, he was feeling happier than ever and the excitement he was already a dad was settling in

"Momma, here's your babygirl" One of the nurses passed her to you, she was crying but as soon as you got her into your chest she stopped

"Lena, mi amor" You said softly, one of your fingers going to her little hand, as she gripped it tightly "Mi niña hermosa, we're mommy and daddy" Your voice cracked a bit.

You felt arms around you and saw Pablo hugging you both while crying lightly

"Joder, que es preciosa" Pablo let out and Helena wriggled a little, he put his arm underneath yours and she relaxed again, it was beautiufl how she seemed to understand, sense the voices and touches you had given her through your belly eight months back. Soon Pablo's hand gripped both of yours "Hija mía, we're extremely happy to finally have you here with us" You smiled "You're so loved already and we're going to take so much care of you for the rest of your life" He spoke his voice cracking too, he couldn't stop watching her and neither could you "Mommy and daddy love you so much"

She was gorgeous. She was perfect already.

"Thank you so much, mi vida" He finally looked at you "I can't ever thank you enough for this. You've made me a dad and I'm truly and forever grateful for it. Te amo, mi reina"

"Y yo a ti" You whispered kissing his lips. You gestured him to hold her too and he smiled grabbing her "I think she'll look like you"

"I don't think so. She's too beautiful to have my beauty genes" You laughed lightly

"You're extremely handsome, Pablo"

"But you have the good looks in our relationship" He said looking at you smiling, you blushed as he laughed lightly "I can still make your momma blush, Lena. I haven't lost my touch and I better never do" You shook your head

"You know you won't" He winked ready to keep joking until your moment was cut by the nurse who asked him for Helena to check her out and all.

"We're parents" Pablo said as soon as the nurse left with your daughter. You smiled at him and nodded

"We are" You kissed him and broke the kiss thanks to your yawn, making Pablo laugh

"Are my kisses that boring?"

"Oh shut up" You laughed

"Go to sleep for a bit, mi amor. I'll take care of Helena for now" You smiled

"You need to sleep too, you know?"

"I didn't just pushed a human out of me, you know?" You laughed "Go to sleep. I'll be fine with her and if something happens or if she needs you, I'll call you" You nodded "Te amo"

"Y yo a ti" You said closing your eyes

When you woke up, you woke up by some shushing and a few laughs

"Hijos de su madre, que se callen" You heard your husband say "Y/N is asleep and so is Helena"

"Already in dad mode?"

"I swear to God, I will kick you guys out of the room if you don't stay quiet"

"You'll have to kick yourself too" You replied watching Pablo instantly wip his face towards you, you smiled watching the pink blanket on his arms "you're also being loud"

"Sorry mi amor" He inmediately apologized going over to you to kiss you "How are you feeling?"

"Sore and tired" You laughed lightly watching your babygirl sleep in her dad's chest. You made a bit of space in the bed for him and your baby to sit, which he glady took

"Wanna eat?" You nod kind of forgetting about the bunch of people that were in the room

"Hi everyone" You said softly earning a few giggles

"How are you, my dear?" Your mom asked you as you nod lighty

"Never been this good" You smiled

"Congratulations, momma" Pedri said smiling as you smiled back at him

"Thank you, godfather" He blushed coming over to hug you.

Soon you saw the whole team, your close friends and your family fill the room with balloons, teddy bears and some chocolate for you, you smiled widely

"Thank you everyone for being here" You said

"Thank you for giving us the prettiest daughter, grandaughter, niece, friend and babygirl ever" Baldé said winning a few 'aw's' from the guys. You laughed

"She definitely got your beauty"

"Stop with that" You smiled

"Hopefully she got your brains and personality too" Pablo himself said making you laugh, the guys started to talk about something but you shut them off.

You were watching your husband be with your baby girl when she started crying

"Might be hungry" You smiled at Aurora, Pablo passed you Helena as you accommodated her, the guys excused themselves to let you have that first mom-daughter communication but Pablo, both of your moms and Aurora who stayed

"Thank you" Aurora said "For making me an aunt, for giving me the most beautiful niece ever, I wish the two of you as a relation all the greatest things and happiness in the world, and to your little but gorgeous family the same thing" She kissed her brother's and yours temple before coming out of the room

"That might hurt a bit" Belén said making you smile ", but it's the worlds most precious feeling"

"I agree" Your mom said smiling, the two older woman helped you and instructed you om how to breastfeed for the first time before leaving the room, not before both of them thanking you too.

"You can sleep too, you know?" You said to Pablo after a few minutes, he was mesmerized watching the two woman of his life, he shook his head

"Don't really want to" He whispered

"But you have to" You smiled "I'll wake you up if I need anything. It's your time to rest, amor" He smiled giving in after three kisses. He jumped out of your bed towards one that the hospital had put for him.

And with a hand on your thigh he fell asleep. You smiled once more watching the two loves of your lives.

Helena is such a lucky baby, having the most beautiful family by blood and by choice ever. You knew that she would always be taken care of, if you and Pablo couldn't, she was going to be extremely spoiled by them too and she will grow up with so much love, respect and care in every aspect of the words. But you were also lucky to have Pablo in your life and also the guys.

"Lena" You called her softly "You and mommy are extremely lucky" Your eyes shiftened to Pablo "I've got the world's most perfect husband and you've got the world's most perfect dad. That's the man of our lives" You smiled at her as her hand was placed on your chest lightly "I'm sure he'll do anything to see both of us happy, but I'm also sure we only need him to be like that. Am I right?" She gripped your hand and kicked her feet making you laugh, you took it as an agreement of your statement "That's right, my little ray of sunshine"

Helena was in your lives since only five hours ago, but you already loved your little and perfect family of three.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviypedrisbride @elijahslover @stuckinaf4nfiction

[spenglersweetheart]

Omg hello again I’m totally not on a ghost busters hyper fixation (I am). Sooo if it’s not to much trouble could I maybe have Ray with with a buff reader. Like they work out and are strong, but because they’re AFAB they get weird looks and are called names sometimes? It’s been a hard week 😭

Have a good day!!!

it's alright because sameee i am so hyperfixated. but yes i will do this for you !!

─────────────── ✦ ───────────────

Your Strong. Embrace That

Ray Stantz x Reader

WARNINGS : none, just talk of insecurity

─────────────── ✦ ───────────────

YOU ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF YOURSELF. AND THAT meant in mostly the form of working out. You loved doing that. It mostly helped your mental health, and because of it, you grew to be more buff, which you were most definitely proud of. But there were times that even you lost self confidence sometimes. And it was becoming a little more evident than you hoped.

They always got weird looks, got called weird names. Usually, that did not bother them. But there was one particular group of females that called you some really mean name and it just broke your heart into pieces. It definitely crushed some of the self esteem that you had.

You had stayed in your apartment that day due to it, not wanting to go out into the world. Usually, you would've left the apartment by now. So when Ray noticed that you were still in bed, he got a little worried because you looked so sad at the moment.

He walks over to you before sitting on the edge of your bed. "Hey, what's wrong?"

You didn't know if you wanted to talk about it right now. But you manage to look up at Ray's face to see that he was genuinely concerned. You then look away, feeling a bit ashamed.

"I know something's bothering you," Ray tells you, before kissing your cheek.

A sigh escapes your lips. "People look at me funny," you start, "for the past week, i've been called names."

"What? By who?" Ray questioned.

"Just by people. Every time I step outside they give me weird looks. All because my arms look so much different than theirs," you explain to them, "These group of girls ... They made fun of me the whole time I was at the gym yesterday. It really hurt a little bit of my pride."

Ray's eyes soften. He moves a little bit closer so that he can face you. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I like that you're buff," he says.

You look up at Ray. "You're supposed to say that. You're my partner," you told him.

"I'm not saying that only because you're my partner. I'm saying that because I love you. And I actually do like your muscles," Ray told you with a chuckle, "It shows that you take pride in your appearance. You work out because it makes you feel happy, right?"

You look at him, giving him a slight nod. Working out always made you feel much better. But those girls ... You couldn't really stop thinking about it.

"Right," you say quietly.

"So, I don't think they should take that happiness from you," Ray told you, "Besides. It shows that you're strong. Embrace that."

You couldn't help but to smile at those words. "You think I'm strong."

"I don't just think it," he answers, "I know it."

You finally sit up from the bed. You give Ray a kiss to his cheek. It almost makes him blush. "You're too sweet," you say, "and you're right. I shouldn't let a couple girls ruin working out for me."

"See? That's the spirit," Ray says back with a chuckle," So is that a deciding factor? You're gonna go back."

You smile. "Yeah, I'm gonna go back."

[fervidus]

@narrativeanomaly asked: “No, I don’t think any of my bones are broken, or anything like that. Just bad bruises.” from the hurt/comfort meme !!

connor could appreciate that most patients tried to gauge the extent of their injuries based on past experiences or simply how they felt. but, adrenaline often covered up pain more than most gave their body credit for and every body experienced injury completely differently. he strived for having a decent bedside manner and maintaining that delicate balance of letting patients make their own informed medical decisions. ❝ i'm thinking it's probably for the best that we let a few x-rays decide that. the techs will be around soon. do you remember hitting your head at all? ❞

better to always get the head ct instead of skip it, but he was still trying to figure out what happened before they were brought into the ed. ❝ if you took any hits to the gut, we should probably check for internal bleeding. liver lacerations are pretty common with trauma. ❞

[mistahgrundy]

Real life can you stop it

Day before yesterday my husband fell climbing a step and felt something in his ankle pop. Wasn't sure if he was hurt too bad so we waited a day... Next day ankle all swollen still in pain so off to the minor emergency clinic down the street we go!

He obviously can't drive now but I don't have a license currently but welp. So I drive him. Whatever. The clinic down the street didn't have a doctor on duty only telehelp which is worthless!! He fell in the parking lot trying to hobble inside x.x

They help us get him back in the car and off we go to clinic #2. Finally, a doctor. An X-ray later: his ankle is broken and he may have a torn ligament which might need surgery. They wrap up his leg and give him crutches but he falls again trying to use them so EMT gets called and then I drive him to the ER. Another x-ray and a better wrapping job. They said the clinic did it poorly...

Same conclusion tho ankle fracture and a possible torn ligament. But now we have a prescription for a wheelchair and a referral to an orthopedic office. BUT it's labor day weekend. Nothing is open. Should have gone to the ER in the first place but I wasn't sure it was even broken, could have just been a sprain...

Blah. He fell again trying to get back in our front door. I'm beyond stressed out and worried. We do still have the crutches but after that fall he's scared of them. Idk I think maybe crutches might be super hard to use when you're overweight.

And I just realized I have a dentist appointment tomorrow to have a permanent crown put in my mouth. :/

I'll probably take a ride share I can't risk driving illegally again.

I really need to get a new license. Not having a driver's license in this spread out bad public transpo state is not feasible.

One of the ER waiting rooms (they stick you in a second room while you wait for your results) made us watch twilight. One of them anyway. The one with the baby.

Yeah so all that sucks ass.

[dzthenerd490]

Alright I just watched your Online Horror Attempt, now I am no expert of analog horror, however after watching a bunch (thanks to your AU) I think I'm well verse to the formula so here are thoughts.

Alright now my first critique is the voice. Now I understand that you can't hire voice actors but I had a hard time distinguishing of "who's who" in this video but over i think had.

The Black ooze Virus, now I will admit the images that were described were scary and kinda over the top, like the little girl just exploding and guy barfing until he deflated. Like is describing that kinda imagery really neccassary, it kinda feels like edge. I don't like the fact that the people infected were just bleeding black ooze and then instantly just fine when they got to the hospital so they just left like no check up or nothing,. Like if I had black ooze coming out of my nose, to only feel better as soon as I got there I am still staying at the hospital and getting x-ray there is something in my body.

So we learn later that the black ooze is alive and monsters are coming out and it looks like there is a different enemy type so that's interesting. The first monster that was described was interesting to me cause it just a bunch a hands and arms I think it was best out of the three that were described cause it wasn't even doing anything violent just wandering around like it was baby or something. The tall smiling monster made my eyes roll cause no offense, but the whole smiling monster has been done to death on analog horror genre. Now the bug monsters were also interesting, but what made me confuse was the fact that they dragged an entire family out of their home just to eat them. Like why didn't it just eat them when they were home? What was the purpose of dragging them out?

Now onto the Twist. I will admit I should've seen that coming however my problem that it was out of nowhere, like yeah some black ooze fell on him so there was that hint but I think there should have been more clues that the person talking to the US military wasn't human. Also that was kinda dumb of the imposter to just announce that he is a monster. Like yes it is terrifying that the imposter knows that there are humans alive to eat, but the dumbass doesn't even know where the human is. I feel like there was more lines of "Please tell me where you are I need to get safety." Or "Please tell me where you are, I ran out of food, and I'm getting hungry." But that's just me

Now overall I give this a 6/10, it wasn't perfect but it also was not the worse. It has potential. Just wish there was visuals though.

Okay a lot to unpack here but that's the burden of being a creator so let's get too it.

Your critique on my voice - Yeah honestly fair I hated that part too, I was trying to use filters to make myself sound like different people but I am limited on options with the app I'm using and in order to get more I have to pay for a monthly subscription and fuck that. I mean sure it would make things easier but right now I'm trying to save money on essentials so that's an unfortunate no. As such, nothing much I can about it for now, but I'll try to think of something in the meantime.

Your critique on the Black Ooze - ... Yeah I know, I kinda wanted to be scary but honestly looking back I feel like I was dangerously close to being another UrbanSpooks which really hurts but the truth often does. You were SORTA right about the hospital thing too. I mean I tried to make it that the doctors reviewed EVERYTHING and found nothing wrong. But looking back I really could have made that part clearer with better detail, but I didn't. I'll be sure to keep this in mind when working on future videos.

Your critique on the monsters - I don't agree with the smiling monster part because the sole purpose of that was that to add variation to the monsters to add elements of the unknown and unpredictable. BUT if I did fail at that too then I apologize and will try to do better form here on out. Though you are right about the cockroaches there really was no reason for them to drag people out. I just added that because I wanted more description of horror. But again, you were right, I went overboard on that part.

Your critique on the twist - Hm... I'm honestly not sure if I agree because the fact that there weren't enough clues of it going there was the point. It was supposed to come out of nowhere, also the reason it didn't ask questions about where the military was is that the Black Ooze is all consuming and supposed to spread EVERYWHERE it only slowed down because it thought there was nothing left but now that it does it doesn't matter which direction it goes because eventually everything will be eaten. But to be fair that will be explained in later episodes so yeah really not your fault you didn't know that, so your critique is technically valid.

Thank you for your review! Seriously critiques help more than you know! I really appreciate your notes and wish more people would do what you just did. Also, this technically isn't an analog horror, but I don't have a reason to hate anyone for calling it that so it's whatever, I guess.

[darkstarlight82]

☀️Our Guiding Light☀️

❤️‍🩹Touya (Dabi) x Fem!Reader AU❤️‍🩹

"Life wasn't easy for me but it wasn't hard either, just boring. My mom left when I was a kid and my dad did what he could to keep us from living on the streets. I didn't make this any better though. Out all hours of the night getting into trouble. Bring home very questionable boys. Having drugs and alcohol hidden all over the house. I was just a really bad kid and I thought I found someone that could change that. But I was so wrong, so so wrong.

His name was Ray and I met him at some hole in the wall bar and I was drunk off my ass and was not right in the head. He was such a smooth talker and dame did he look good in leather. So being stupid and horny I chatted him up. That was my first mistake. As the night went on and the more I drank the lesser my mide told me this was a bad idea.

This got really hot and heavy after we came back to my place. Kisses were sloppy, heads were grabby and one thing lead to another and we ended having sex, second mistake. After a night of lousy and lackluster sex he left and I thought that I was doing with him. Somehow he got my number and tried to get me to see him again. At first I ignored him. Not answering his phone calls or texts. This lasted for about a month. I changed my number thinking this would solve my problem but I was wrong again.

Next was the I'm going to see her at work. It first started that he would show up on my lunch break. Then before I started work. It finally ended when he showed up after my shift with a fucking knife. I told my boss about it but he didn't do anything so I had to quit. Things were good for about 3 weeks until I saw him in the grocery store just standing outside next to my car.

I went to the manager and told her that there was a guy acting suspicious around the cars and to call the police. He was arrested but not have anything to hold him on because he didn't steal anything they let him go. I should have said the he was stocking me. Then he might have been put behind bars and I won't have gone though what I did." I had to take a calming breath before I could continued.

All eyes were on me now in the small gym where we had our weekly meeting about coping with domestic abuse. It covered all kinds of abuse. From physical to mental to sexual. It was really hard at first talking to people about what happened but it got easier over time.

"So after he was let go from the police station, he somehow found where my apartment was." I could feely body shaking, my hands got sweaty and I felt like I was going to get sick. "It's okay Y/N I'm here it's fine no one will hurt you." I looked over and saw the man that saved me that night and showed me that there are still good people in this world. I smiled at him, nodding my head and held his hand tight.

"I walked into my apartment and went to turn on the light but the switch wasn't working. I thought that my electricity was turned off so I grabbed my phone for the flashlight. As I turned it on it was knocked out of my hand and I felt something hard hit my face. I feel to the ground and hit my head on the floor. I don't know to much after that but I could feel someone climb on top of me and hold something cold and shape to my throat.

When I was a little more aware of what have happened I was pinned to the ground my shirt was being ripped off of me and that low-life stalker trying to undo his pants. I kicked my legs trying to get him off of me. But he punched me in the face again knocking me loopy again. This time he broke my nose, gave me a black eye and split open my cheeks.

I can still remember the things he said to me. He was yelling at me calling me a slut and a whore. That I humiliated him and how dare I not talk to him. That any girl would kill to be me. So why did I not return his calls. But according to him he was going to make me want him.

At that moment I thought he was going to rape and kill me. I closed my eyes trying to put my mind in a different place when I heard yelling and his body ripped from mine." I could feely eyes fill with tears and my throat get dry. The hand that was on my leg moved to my back and started rubbing up and down. Touya could see that I was having a really hard time talking about what happened and took over for me.

"I live in the same apartment as Y/N and we have been neighbor for almost two years and I always watched out for her and her place. So when I heard yelling and saw her door open I knew something was wrong and had to check on her. And good thing I did. Now that piece of shit is in jail and Y/N is safe".

There was some soft clapping and muffled cry come from the people in our group. "Wow Touya your a real hero. Thank goodness you didn't get hurt." The counselor leading the group said. "Oh no I did I just don't like to talk about it." The other members of the group looked over at him. He could feel everybody's eyes on him and he pulled at his sleeve cuffs of his jacket to make sure his scars didn't show.

"It's ok you don't have to tell us. Y/N thanks for your share. Does anyone else want to go?" Everyone looked at each other really not wanting to go after what I just said. Which I don't blame them. "So if no one has anything that they want to share, we will be here next week same time tomorrow. Everyone have a nice week and be safe." When we were done closing out the meeting me and Touya started to head home.

"Do you want me to cook when we get back or do you want to get takeout." I asked him slipping my hand in his interlocking our fingers. He pulled me close to him kissing me on the cheek. "We can get takeout you need to rest after all that." I smiled relaxing at his warmth. "That might be your best idea yet." He let go of my hand to put his arm round my shoulders. "No my sweet little mouse, asking you out was."

After we got our food and some snacks we got into some comfy clothes, put on the new episode 'The Witcher' and started eating our dinner. When we were done we headed for bed. "Hey Touya I don't want to over step here but I think you should share next week. Nothing to deep but sometimes." When he looked at me I thought he was going to yell at me but he got really quiet. Then he closed his eyes took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I'll think about it. Now it's bed time and you need your rest. We will talk about this more later." I small smile touched my lips. "Okay that's all I can ask for." I walked over to the bed and got in on my said. Touya turned off the light and go into bed next to me. He kissed me on the forehead and smiled at me.

"Your the best thing that has happened in my life. I love you and that you." I looked at him a little confused. "What was that for I didn't do anything special." He kissed me on the forehead again. "Yes you did. You showed me what real love was and what it is to have that love. Now go to sleep good night mouse."

@ambassadorarlert @arlerts-angel @astriddestelle @bleach-your-panties @i-literally-cant-with-this

@katkusuo @kazutora-kurokawa @k1ssyoursister @lucysarah-c @pamakali

@procyonnn @randompurr @romantichomicide95 @seireiteihellbutterfly @shonen-brainrot

@sixpennydame @sweetchildcloud @tired-teacher-blog @tojilovr @tokyo-chainsaw-dragon

@tootiecakes234 @xdyrknymphx

[unreal-blogs]

A ramble about chronic pain

I wish I'd known when I was younger that my pain was only going to get worse. It started with twisted ankles whenever I ran, my back going into spasm at random moments and being unable to move for several minutes, and random aches that I thought were growing pains but I now know were not.

Then my knees started getting bad too, and I thought it would get better eventually. By this point I'd been referred to an orthopedic specialist to see if there was something they could do to help.

After x-rays and blood tests they decided to try vitamin supplements. Then it was insoles because they noticed my feet were flatter than they should be. When those didn't work I was referred to physio, who looked at my legs and the way they moved, and decided that they couldn't do anything either. That was the day it was decided that surgery was my only option. I would have to wait until I was 16 for it.

When 16 rolled around, I was told that they'd decided to wait longer, until after my a levels, at 18. The pain was still increasing at this point, and I had to ride my bike to school every day because if I tried walking it ached and I couldn't stand it.

By the time I turned 18, the pain in my back reached a point where sitting for extended periods of time made me feel like I couldn't breathe, and I'd wake up some mornings unable to move because my hips were in agony. I was still getting those "growing pain" aches, but by this point I'd stopped growing and I was still hurting, which didn't make any sense to me.

Eventually, it was time, surgery was booked and I was finally going to get better. I just needed to get a little worse first. So I got the first leg broken, and recovered slowly, and the pain didn't get better. And I got the second leg broken, and recovery was even slower, and the pain still didn't go away.

We've just reached three years since the first surgery, and I'm not better yet. I had months of physio, and exercises, and painkillers, but the pain is still there. Worse than before my legs were broken. Some days my legs won't cooperate and I rely on crutches to be able to move around. Some days I think I'm doing well, and then my hip or my knee will hurt every time I take a step, and nothing I do will stop it. And some days I still get those growing pains, even though I'm 21 now and I've definitely stopped growing. Sometimes I feel more like an old person in a young body, like my bones are older than me.

[hernymills]

ftr im feeling a little better after talking to the pharmacist, who seemed patient with me and explained like don't keep taking all 30 of them if it doesn't still hurt like take it for the least amount of time possible, I can take Tylenol (which is the same thing as acetaminophen) with it but don't take ibuprofen or naproxen etc I had a lot of questions and she even asked if I had any more. Shout-out to the hero working at that Dillons pharmacy fr

What's the normal amount of time to wait between a root canal and a crown? Mine is May 19, I got them to schedule it beforehand when I pre-paid for the root canal bc I had the evaluation and x-rays in fucking January and am just now having the first appointment to address stuff fml

Am I supposed to brush that tooth in the meantime? I didn't have the presence of mind to ask before I left

That's the thing still bugging me I guess. I was a "perfect patient" to YOU. like don't get me wrong I would have been emotionally devastated if the dentist said I hadn't gotten an A in patient (which is normal to want and possible to achieve) but like... the way my neurodivergence manifests makes me less of a problem to others and more of a problem to myself I guess?

Like I asked about written instructions beforehand bc I kinda knew I was gonna be brain-busted afterwards and not in prime condition to be asking questions (which, is maybe harder for me even on a good day bc I trip over wording and whether my question is normal and whether I'm asking too many and I'm focused on whether retaining the information well enough at the same time that I'm trying to retain the information) and aaaa idk like at the beginning he said I'm in control and to let him know if I had any pain and then like I have a maybe different perception of pain so I don't really bring it up until it's Pain but I try to communicate before it's unbearable like it takes practice and is something I'm working on and I was trying to communicate sometimes like answer questions w YES or NO in ASL and he didn't seem to get it but I didn't want to move my head with tools in it so I tried to go more like thumbs up vs moving my fist as if it were a head shaking no bc idk I didn't have a good angle for thumbs down and at another point I was trying to tell him that the pain was growing (like the anaesthesia starting to wear off) by starting w smth that had been understood before, index and thumb held close together for "a little" and then for "growing" I like widened the gap between the fingers and he sort of got it but sort of didn't? I think he thought I was getting tired? idk he asked at the end of I know ASL and I said "some... mostly fingerspelling..." and idk I think he said that he didn't understand some of what I'd been trying to indicate but like he had a lighthearted tone abt it that irks me I dunno. like I was trying to keep up my end of the communication here, I had headphones on to help w some of the sounds but didn't turn up the audio far enough to actually drown out the drills and stuff in case he said something, bc usually when he did it was like... w no warning that he was about to say something so I'm turning it down fast and straining my audio processing disorder to figure out the question/command

Idk! Part of me thinks I'm taking this too seriously and part of me thinks I'm not taking this seriously enough. Should I say at these appointments that I'm autistic, and not only mention the ADHD that comes up anyway bc of the meds? Is it like a masking thing, that I don't seem like someone who actually needs that accommodation I asked for or smth? It's so frustrating, I have no idea whether this all is totally nbd to neurotypicals and they'd have no problems advocating for themselves in appointments or whether they'd need to or what. Would they just be totally chill about taking a med they haven't been on before, without the prescribing dentist saying anything about it? Would they have just talked past all the hardware in their mouth? Speaking up is hard for me without physical barriers damn!!

I asked for them to write down instructions, they didn't do that. Just verbally told me not to eat on that side (I don't have lower teeth on the other side)

Like should I have asked what prescription when they asked what pharmacy instead of assuming it'd be something I'm familiar w? Am I supposed to know what to do w once-daily celecoxib 30 of them? Am I supposed to just take them every day until the crown appointment? Well, 1 week short of that appointment.

They said ibuprofen I could have w it right? My brain was already busted at that point bc of the stress of the root canal I don't remember w confidence

Fuck I forgot to ask whether I should brush there or like skip that tooth yknow

Fuck it already hurts and the numbing is wearing off fast

[lokisprettygirl]

Mystery of Laufey Manor (Loki x Female Reader) (Horror Au)

Read chapter 14 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 15

Summary : Loki bares himself for you in every way but would you accept him and love him the same with his scarred face?

Next morning when you woke up Loki wasn't in bed with you, so you got up and looked around. When you didn't find him, you decided to get ready for the day. The manor seemed much better in the daylight but it still had an aura of dread surrounding it. You put on a long maxi dress and a coat over it, then you decided to head downstairs.

On the way your eyes glanced at the black door that was caught on fire, and you walked closer to it. You turned the door knob to open it but it was locked. You thought you heard a sound coming from behind the door and that made you take a step back. As you headed to the kitchen, Loki was making breakfast like he used to do when you two lived in your apartment.

"Good morning" you said softly as you walked towards him so he turned around to look at you.

"Morning, I am making breakfast" his voice didn't hold the softness you were used to. He sounded like a machine, so you walked closer to him and hugged him from behind.

"Something wrong lo?" You perked your head to the side and tried to look at him.

"I received a phone call from Stark, the deal is off, I have already made the payment for the new machinery at the mill from my own account, if I had known that he'd step back, I wouldn't have spent almost all my fortune on it"

"He can't just do that right? I mean what about the contract" you asked him and he sighed

"I made a deal in the USA, I should have been more careful about the legality.. I'm such a dimwit…owww" he winced as he sliced his finger with the knife he was using to chop onions.

"What are you doing lo, show me please" you grabbed his hand and his index finger was bleeding slightly so ran it under the water and asked him where you could find the first aid, he told you that it was in the corner drawer in the kitchen itself. You dressed him as best as you could, hoping that it wouldn't get infected.

"We should let them check it when we go to the hospital" he pulled his hand away from you as you said that

"It's just a cut darling" he went back to the counter to resume whatever he was doing before. You didn't like when he was being this way, but you couldn't expect him to be a ray of sunshine all the time either. That wasn't realistic.

"Leave it I'll do it please" he placed his arms on the counter as he took a deep breath "You're not a dimwit or whatever you think, business deals go wrong sometimes, you're not to blame for this" you told him softly and he finally looked at you.

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one who has to manage this house and that factory" your eyes teared up as soon as you heard the tone of his voice. He has never talked to you like that.

"I just..I'm sorry" you walked towards the refrigerator to take the eggs out, but it didn't have any, you were trying so hard to not let the tears fall. He was stressed and he lashed out, he didn't do it to hurt you, you convinced yourself. When you turned around he was right behind you and you felt him cupping your cheeks, then he pressed you against the refrigerator as he kissed you. The kiss was gentle, the tears finally fell down and he wiped them with his thumbs

"I'm sorry darling, I shouldn't have used that tone with you, I'm so sorry" he whispered and kissed you again, when you looked at him, your eyes were teary and looked so sad. His heart clenched at the sight of you, the first time he saw you, he would never forget how soft and polite you were to him. You're the only person he has ever met that didn't ask him about the mask or judged him for wearing it.

"It's okay..I just..I'm not used to you talking to me like that" you mumbled as you sniffled and he kissed you again.

"You shouldn't get used to it either my little darling, I promise it won't happen again, I'm being an arse, I really thought the machinery will bring a new life to the factory and now I'm almost bankrupt because of it" you nodded and wrapped your arms around his waist as you held him tightly.

"I'm sorry about the deal, if you need investment, I can transfer the money, I got a good deal on the shop" he pulled away from you as you said that

"I can't take your money y/n, that's not why I brought you here, I promised you a life of comfort, I promised to provide for you and not take from you" you walked closer to him and grabbed his hand in yours

"And I followed you l, I left everything behind because I love you ..so much" your voice choked on your tears and his eyes teared up too "so much lo..I'll do anything for you as long as I have you and your love with me, we are a family now..what's mine is yours and I would never hesitate to do anything and everything that would lessen your burden"

He brought your intertwined hands up to his lips and kissed all over them.

"You're an angel my darling, my very own angel, but I can't take your money, I'll manage it don't worry, I just felt alone and distressed by the concerning news, I forgot that I'm not alone anymore, I have you"

You pulled him in for a hug and held him tightly to assure him that he'd never have to be alone again.

"You always have me baby, if you need anything just ask ok? I want to take care of you as well" you pulled away from him and found the eggs in the pantry. After you prepared breakfast, you both sat down on the table in the kitchen itself.

"Can I ask how your parents died?" You asked him and he looked at you

"Natural causes, my mother was 45 when she birthed me, old age caught up with her quickly"

"45? Your parents must dote on you"

"They did, I was a very spoiled child, never had to lift a finger of my own"

"Ummm how old are you?" You looked down as you asked him that, how come you married a guy and didn't even ask for his age? No wonder your siblings thought it wasn't the brightest idea to marry a stranger and cross countries with him.

"I'm 35 love, does that bother you? The difference in our age?" Thirty five, he's 11 years older than you. It didn't seem like a big deal to you, your parents had a 7 years age gap as well. Besides you found it really hot for some reason.

"No..I was just curious"

After breakfast, he drove you towards the hospital, the drive was 45 minutes long, when you finally reached the hospital, you got your IUD fixed in, it was uncomfortable to say the least but at least you won't have to worry about pregnancy, You didn't think you were ready to be a mother just yet. On the way back he took you to a restaurant in the city for lunch

"Are you feeling alright darling?" He asked you as you seemed a little drain

"Yes I just don't do well with things going up my vagina" he stared at you as you said that and then you both chuckled

"Well you better get used to it now" your face heated up at the remark, you couldn't wait for tonight. You hoped that he still wanted to do it, even after the bad news he got today. You felt awfully selfish as you thought about sex when he was stressed but it wasn't your fault that your husband was a walking talking sex god.

When you reached the manor, you decided to nap and when you woke up he took you to the second floor to show you his office, if you could call it that, it seemed like a small library. He had a variety of bookcases, a sofa on the right side and his desk on the left side of the room. You walked in over to the desk and picked up an artbook, your eyes widened as you looked at the beautiful dress designs

"Do you like them darling?" He asked you and you looked at him in awe

"These are amazing loki, the details are so beautiful, you're so talented..I'm actually quite speechless" he walked over to you as he heard you praising him and kissed your forehead

"Let me know if you like something, I'll get it made for you" you smiled as you looked at him. Then you went through the books, it was a cozy room, you could picture him and you in here, him doing his work and you just reading on a cold winter evening. The thought made you giddy. You picked up a book from the shelf and it wasn't anything you have read before

"The guide by RK Narayan" his eyes widened as you said that and he walked over to you.

"This is by some Indian writer lo, did you get this on your trip to India?" You asked him and he nodded. As you flipped the cover you saw a note

"This book belongs to Naina Gupta, from Lucknow India" You looked at him as you read that, his eyes were focused on the wordings of the note.

"That was the old lady that gifted me the book, I often visited her bookstore while on my trip, she gave me that to remember her by" his voice trembled a little as he spoke. You don't know why but you felt as if he was lying to you. You turned the book around and you could see there was another note on the last blank page of the book but he quickly grabbed it from you and put it back in the shelf

"Come on darling, let me prepare some dinner for you, you must be starving" He grabbed your hand and you both headed towards the kitchen on the first floor, you could see the new grocery bags on the countertop.

After dinner you took a shower and prepared yourself for the night, your heart was thumping rapidly and continuously, he had kept you on edge for months but you'd finally get to have him in every way. When you came out, he had started the fire and turned all the lights off, he smiled at you and decided to take a bath himself. In the meantime, you put on a nightdress, and fixed your makeup as best as you could.

His eyes widened as he looked at you, there was no stopping you today. It wasn't easy for him to keep his hands off you but he had to make you fall deeper and deeper for him, get you so addicted that you won't even think of leaving him. He fucked all of his wives before the wedding itself, they were all overjoyed by his virility in bed but then they'd ask to see his face, his bald patchy head, and things changed after that. He felt it instantly in his heart, the look of disappointment in their eyes, the way they looked to the side as he fucked them, the way they'd keep their hands away from his face, refusing to touch him as if his skin would taint them or infect them.

He walked over to you, he had a white shirt on, unbuttoned all the way. Your face flushed as you gawked at his toned fit body. He cupped your cheeks and pulled you in for a kiss, then he picked you up and laid you down on the bed.

"Close your eyes darling" you closed your eyes and he walked towards the almirah, after a minute or so, you felt a piece of fabric covering your eyes so you grabbed his hand.

"What are you doing" you asked him and you could hear him sighing

"I can keep the mask on, you don't have to put this on" you looked at him surprised as he said that.

"Loki no..I want to see you..all of you" you cupped his masked cheeks and he sat up on the bed.

"I can't let you do that y/n" he got of the bed but you grabbed his arm and crawled to the edge so you could stop him

"Why not, what scares you baby? Just talk to me" he turned his head to look at you, your wide innocent eyes looked up at him. You grabbed his waist and turned him around towards you, his cock was mere inches away from your face so you brought your hands up and rubbed him over his pants. He let out a moan at the intimate touch. He grabbed your hand to stop your movements but he couldn't, his self control crumbled as he looked at his beautiful wife rubbing her soft hands all over his bulge. He helped your fingers up and down and you could feel him hardening with every stroke.

"Fuck y/n, you're such a desperate whore" he cupped your cheeks and pulled you up on your knees so he could kiss you, he ran one of his hands from your neck and went lower, pulling the strap of your dress down in the process. You couldn't stop moaning as you took in his scent and felt the tingling sensation building up in your core. You placed your hands behind his head and tried to take the mask off but he stopped you instantly

"Don't..you wanted my cock and I'm giving it to you, why do you have to see me?" You pulled away from him as you heard that

"You say it as if you don't want me like that, as if you're doing a favour on me by fucking me" his eyes teared up and he pulled you closer to him again

"I want you okay? I always did want to ravish you like this, just let it go, let me make you feel good sweetheart, you know you want me to touch you without the barrier of these clothes, let me satiate our needs for each other" he whispered in your ear and sneaked his hand inside your underwear, you gasped as you felt his fingers rubbing over your wet lips

"So soaked my darling, look at you, you're burning with desire, you want to be filled by me and you want me to penetrate you, ruin you and defile you..I have tortured us both in the past few months, only dreamt of how soft your quim would feel between my fingers and now that I have you dripping on them, It feels heavenly" his filthy words melted in your ears and you couldn't stop moaning, your hips moved along in a rhythm with his fingers. The more he flicked them on your clit, the more you felt as if you were drowning

"Ohh lo baby yesss god yes..keep going" your eyes teared up as the sensation grew with every passing second

"You're in no position to make demands my little harlot, I want you to spill until I have your nectar dripping down my wrist" his thumb rubbed your clit and he flicked them back and forth. He used his other hand to pull the other strap of your night dress down your shoulder, it went past your breasts and pooled over your torso, above his hand that played with your cunt. The sight of your bosom made him want to run his tongue through your nipples.

You clutched onto his shoulder as you felt the pleasure building up

"Godd please.. I'm so close"

"Mhhm you're going to break while I'm inside you and only then I'd allow you to fall apart for me, pretty thing" you hid your face between his neck, he smelled so good, so sweet. You groaned as he stopped playing with your cunt. Your eyes seemed so glassy as you pulled away from him and opened your eyes to look at him. You cupped his cheeks again and kissed him. He brought his soaked hand up and smeared your own juices on your lips, then he kissed you like that. Without a doubt it was the sexiest thing anyone has ever done to you. Your dark red lipstick smeared around your mouth, your mascara ran down your face as he halted your approaching orgasm.

"You look like a ruined debauched whore and I haven't even fucked you yet" you moaned at his filthy words and sucked on his fingers one by one, to give him a glimpse of how it would be like when you get his cock in your mouth. You pressed soft kisses on his fingertips and then looked at him

"I have never asked you for anything loki" you let go of his hand and caressed his neck with your nails

"Y/n darling …"

You laid down on the bed and pulled him on top of you then you took his shirt off, his white pale soft skin brushed against yours as took your dress off, your panties followed, you always thought that you'd feel shy with him on your first time but you felt surprisingly confident. You were going to take him tonight in every possible way. You unbuttoned his pants and he sat up to take it off him. His skin shined so brightly in the golden light emitting from the fireplace.

You looked at his cock, he was by far the biggest and thickest you have ever seen in your life. His cock was long and wide at the same time, the tip was pink and glistening with precum,

He got on his fours on top of you and you grabbed his length in your hand, then you stroked him back and forth, earning a loud moan from him that sounded ecstatic. His cock felt hard and heavy in your hands, you rubbed your thumb against that thick protruding vein on his cock

"How does it feel, is this how you imagined me?" He asked you and placed his hand on yours to fasten the pace of your strokes.

"It's so big and beautiful, reality is so much sexier than anything I could have imagined" he let out a chuckle.

"You're so filthy, I know you're thinking of something obscene, share with me" you brought your hands up and played with the happy trail leading from his lower belly to the base of his cock.

"Just wondering how heavenly it would be to have my face pressed against you while I suck you off"

"Fuckk sweetheart, you're the filthiest woman I have ever known, so depraved, so unabashed, just a willing victim to your carnal desires" you bit on your lips as he rubbed the tip of his cock against your entrance

"Ohh please fuck me lo..I can't take this anymore..please fuck your wife"

You clutched onto his shoulder as he leaned over you, as much as he enjoyed the state of your desperation, he needed you too. The breath was knocked out of your lungs as he thrusted in one quick motion. You arched your back as he thrusted himself to the hilt.

"Fucking godd..fuck me yess" he couldn't help but stare at your face as you took him in so smoothly, your quim felt so warm as it sheathed every inch of him. Once you got adjusted to his size he started to move back and forth slowly, the sound of his cock moving in and out of your wet cunt made your face heat up.

You held the nape of his neck and rubbed your nails over his skin,

"Feel me throbbing inside you, feel every inch of me, my dirty girl, that's what you craved huh, having my cock so deep in your cunt, I promise you darling, you'd feel me in there all night as I spill my seed inside you"

"Ohh yes yess..Lo baby look at me please" he looked at you and slowed down his pace as you pleaded him

"Let me see baby please, I have never asked you for anything, I have done everything you asked me to, just let me love you, pleasee" you mumbled and his eyes teared up, he was afraid of losing you to the ugliness his face carried. Just the way he lost them.

"Foolish of you to think that you'd be able to love me after seeing me like that"

"Is it foolish of me to want to love every piece of you?..ahh god" you moaned as his cock rubbed against the spot that made you want to curl up into him

"Why does it matter loki? It won't change anything..you're still you, the charming sexy handsome man I married, the one who made my heart skip beats during our first meeting..just let me love you please lo..baby please..look at me" his eyes teared up as he heard the sincerity in your voice but that's what they all said to him.

"You don't understand love, you won't look at me the same once you see me like that" your eyes teared up too as you realized that his insecurities were deep rooted, he must have been made to feel horrible about his face to react like that. That's why he was so restricted in the way he allowed you to be intimate with him.

"Just trust me lo, you need to trust me, you need to take a leap of faith too.. I love you" you caressed his head and he didn't protest or swatted your hands as you pulled the band of the mask over his head.

He would never be loved like that, he knew that, he knew he was gambling with his heart again, once you see him like that, you'd feel disgusted by him.

He feared that he won't be able to get what he desires so badly if he loses you too.

💀💀💀💀💀💚💚💚💚💚💀💀💀💀

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[selarina]

Warmth

→ Levi Ackerman x fem!reader

Prologue

Series Masterlist | Read on AO3 | Next

Summary: Levi comes to understand second chances, dreary yearning, and comfort.

General Warnings: childhood friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, eventual fluff, eventual smut, description of injuries, soccer player!levi, levi gets injured, high school au, college au (warnings will be added as I progress with the story)

Word Count: 980 words

Author's Note: Hello, I actually hate this but I figured I should post this prequel/sneak peak – to find motivation to finish up this story?

I'm not sure if I want this to be a series or a one-shot. Will most likely be a one-short given my attention span for these things. I'm also not sure if I should post this exclusively on ao3 or not. Let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist :)

Final year of high school

The fading rays of the sun compensated for the fog evading his vision, it left the stadium painted with a hazy golden light blending perfectly behind the confines of the stadium. It always gave him the impression that the world was just on the verge of falling asleep, or on the verge of awakening. It depended on his mood really.

The air around him smelt suffocatingly crisp with wet grass. It was chilly and it made him shiver but not enough to leave him uncomfortably cold. Besides, he figured he wouldn't like it if it was too balmy.

The match was going smoothly, but that was to be expected. They had approximately 3 minutes left. At 23-29, they knew that their win was definite. But, even so, he wanted to score another goal. It was expected of him to paint the visual of the strongest player, delivering that final blow. It was pointless but he resolved to do it for the team; after all, 23-30 sounded better than 23-29.

As he jogged over to make his next move, the violent crowd erupted in support. He could hear people yelling out for him, screaming his name as though this match mattered. It didn't, really.

He tuned them out, only to let the abrupt images of his mother seep from the abyss of his mind, leaving him unfocused momentarily. 

He recalled how she was always present for every single match, with no regard for her already overwhelming schedule. It annoyed him. Why did she feel the need to show up for practice matches? 

He didn’t bother looking at the bleachers like he usually did before he ran over to score the final goal. She wasn’t here now, and he certainly didn’t expect Kenny to defy all of nature and meet his guardian duties for once. He's actually certain Kenny thinks Levi's on the basketball team.

He happened to know you were there though, because in a moment of selfish weakness, he allowed himself to check if you made it. You always showed up, rarely missing some of his practice games, but as he mulled over it the whole week before, he wasn't sure if you would still show up.

And now he isn't sure if you showed up for him, not when he heard about how you're dating him.

He contemplated it for a second, but in the end, he didn't falter. He had decided months ago that he would not seek you out. Not yet, at least.

He liked that he had this game to focus on, and the next game, and the previous game before this game. It stopped him from thinking about wanting to punch Kenny, among other things that he needed distraction from. 

Usually, he'd score and the audience would go loud, much to his dismay. People seem to lose their senses in the loud atmosphere — lost in the excitement, his team would attempt to pat him with their filthy hands, offering their congratulations.

He would pry them off after giving them a moment of indulgence. Erwin would then offer to take the team out after they're done with the formalities, and he would agree, albeit reluctant.

He's always reluctant with these things, he's not sure what to make of it. Besides it doesn't matter, he only agrees because he knew Miche, the evident idiot, would offer to pay for the whole team. 

"Well, I need somewhere to put my mom's money. It would be a waste to spend it on another console, I already have 5!", he would say. Levi didn't believe a single word he said, or maybe their financial disparity was just too large for him to imagine it being a reality for someone else.

Except on this particular day, he ended up in the hospital with a head injury he knew he had sustained during the match.

He tried to recall what took place before everything went black. He remembered attempting to avoid a player's elbow to his face, and given the feel of the bandages on his head, he concludes that he didn't succeed.

He can't really remember the player who hit him. The only description he has to this day is - “He looked like a monkey, I’m telling you”, as Furlan eloquently put it. 

Laying there in the hospital, he felt one of his legs shift stiffly. He moves the soft cotton covering his legs. He notices that his hand is branded with multiple bruises, they’re small enough to heal within a week or two, he safely assumes. 

He has so many questions because he couldn't remember what happened. Did he hit his head on something hard? Is it possible that he was trampled by that player? But all his questions cease when he sets his eyes on the cast that covers his right leg.

A broken leg. Permanent damage to his head from the looks of it. The beginning of a poorly written, achingly mundane tragedy.

Maybe he'll become an accountant now. He was always good at math.

He wanted to pull his hair out of his head at the thought of that, but he remembered the bandages on his head and like an alarm reaching its threshold of time, the throbbing of his head goes off, alarmingly loudly.

Kenny stands there complaining about how much money this would cost him, Levi thinks about how he would much rather go back to when he wouldn’t come home for days.

He tries to sleep that night but he couldn’t. Not when the walls of the hospital were blatantly white, white all over. Maybe he’s just hyper-fixating his frustrations on a color. He moves one his injured hands to the bicep of his other hand, stroking it up and down, a calming move usually. It seems to work, he feels himself go drowsy. He thinks of silver adorned fingers reaching for him before he falls asleep.