#my inbox is always open for you

[joostsblog]

am i complex to you part one ~ joost klein fanfic

PART TWO HERE // part three here

My masterlist here 💌✨

Pairing: Joost Klein x female!reader

Description: From first meeting the blonde musician to sharing headphones and very intense eye contact, this was not how you anticipated your evening at your friend's party panning out. 

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Just a quick short Joost fic to get into writing again [i feel like its challenging to write for him bc i just can't replicate his wit and charm authentically]. I wanna practice my writing by doing requests! so please send Joost requests [do's: female!reader, smut; don'ts: established relationship, toxic relationships]

Warnings: 18+ only, consumption of cigarettes and alcohol, non proofread

The music blasting through the loudspeakers sounded like they might as well be underwater and a thousand miles away as soon as your eyes crossed the blue eyes of the blonde man entering the room. Your eyes locked for maybe a millisecond too long until the ice-cold drink in your hand reminded you of your surroundings and you averted your gaze trying to appear casual as you turned to your friend Mila again. 

"... and that's how you know all the guys on Tinder are for the streets," she concluded her story. 

"Your first mistake was going on Tinder expecting to find a guy looking for a serious relationship," you reminded your friend. 

"Yeah, what? As if I'm gonna find a guy like that somewhere else like at this party?" she joked. 

"Maybe" you shrugged laughing. 

"Yeah right, talk to me again if it happens to you," Mila chugged the last of her drink. "Want a new one?" she pointed to your cup and smiled shaking your head before Mila took off for the bar. 

You casually glanced across the room to find the handsome boy from earlier as you found him standing by the door with a group of friends. His body language was elated as he was joking with his friends. He was wearing some baggy pants, a shirt, some thick-rimmed glasses and a cap which had some of his hair poking out at the sides and just above the nape of his neck. Scattered across his arms you could make out a few tattoos. 

Suddenly, as you were calmly admiring the man across the room, his head turned and he looked at you, making you jump internally. Swiftly you turned your head away as you felt hot flashes come across your cheeks. Shit shit shit - you thought to yourself as you nervously fiddled with the drink in your hand. Well, what's the worst thing that could happen? You turned your head again to see that the man was still looking at you. Who's the weird one now? You smiled amused and cocked your head lightly in question. The blonde man grinned and shrugged innocently. You lifted your brows in return and raised your drink to cheer him across the room. He smiled and did the same and as your eyes were locked you both took a sip from your drinks respectively. But your little moment was interrupted by one of his friends trying to get his attention and quickly he was immersed in the conversation again. 

You chugged the last of your drink and decided it was time to find your friend Mila. Your suspicion that you would probably find her on the dance floor was quickly confirmed as you made your way through the crowd. 

"Ayyyy!" she cheered as soon as she saw you and reached for your hand to pull you closer. 

You threw your head back in laughter as you started to dance along to the music filling the room. For the time being you wanted to forget about the fascinating boy from earlier and just enjoy yourself. But you couldn't help but notice how your thoughts kept wandering off to him. Was he looking at me because he thinks I'm attractive? Does he think I'm odd? Was he flirting or just being nice? Is he watching me right now? I think I look good dancing. I wish he was watching me right now. 

"Wait, what's this guy doing staring at you all the time?" Mila laughed irritated as she gestured to the side. You tried to sneak a look discretely and surely you were met with the same pair of blue eyes as before. You grinned and looked back at your friend, maybe swaying your hips just a tad more than before. "(Y/N)?" Mila laughed in shock when she noticed that you weren't phased. "What's going on? That guy obviously wants you," she stopped in her tracks and looked at you intensely. 

"You think?" you giggled playfully. 

"(Y/N), who is this?" Mila persisted. You smiled and shrugged your shoulders as you continued moving your body to the music. "I can't believe this." Mila laughed as she looked back to the side. "You need to go get him or something." 

"We'll see," you said and grabbed Mila's hand to make her do a playful twirl. 

~ 

"You want a smoke?" you heard a smooth voice behind you. 

You were leaning over the railing of the balcony as you had stepped outside for a quick break. As you turned your head around you were met with the same guy from earlier, this time up close. A yet unlit cigarette was stuck between his lips and in his hand he was holding out a packet of cigs, offering you one. 

"Did you follow me outside?" you jokingly asked as you reached for one of the cigarettes, "Thanks." With him standing so close to you now you realised how tall the man was. 

"In a non-creepy way," he retorted jokingly as he lit his cigarette. 

"That's yet to be decided," you said and leaned forward as he was offering to light your cigarette as well. His other hand was cupped around the top of the flame to prevent it from blowing out and as you looked down at the tip of your cigarette you took the opportunity to admire his hands. "Thanks," you leaned back against the railing once the cigarette was lit. Your eyes met again and there was a short moment of silence. 

"My name is Joost by the way," the guy said and extended his hand for you to shake. 

"(Y/N), nice to meet you." 

One and a half cigarettes later (the latter was shared between the two of you, passing the cigarette along every few drags, your fingers lightly brushing against Joost's in doing so) you learned from Joost that one of his friends that he came with went to Uni with your friend Mila, that he was a musician and that parties aren't usually his thing. He learned that you had yet to visit the beach even though you already had been in the Netherlands for over a month and that you also tended to avoid parties because you were quite particular about what kind of music you liked when partying. 

"What kind of music do you like then?" Joost asked. 

"Hmm," you pondered as you took another drag from your shared cigarette. Joost was standing beside you, his back also leaning against the railing. "Well, I could show you," you said and pointed to the wired headphones that were dangling out of Joost's pockets. 

"Sure," he replied and quickly reached down. 

As Joost offered you one pair of the headphones and put the other one in his ear you moved over and stood in front of him now. You became aware of how close you were standing now. The short wires forced you to take just another step towards him, your feet standing in between Joost's. You studied Joost's face from up close as he unlocked his phone and navigated to Spotify. 

"Here you go," he said much softer than before as you were now standing so closely to each other. He turned around his phone and offered it to you. "Don't judge my search history," he joked as you were typing in a title. 

"Never," you said. "This song I've been listening to a lot recently," you introduced before you hit play on TEXAS BLUE by Quadeca and Kevin Abstract. 

You closed your eyes and lost yourself to the music. By the second chorus, you opened your eyes again to check on Joost's reaction only to see that he had been looking at you. You both grinned and quickly looked away. 

I'LL BE HONEST (I'LL BE) 

IT HURTS SO MUCH MORE THAN I KNEW 

As the song slowly came to a close you looked at Joost again to see that he had his eyes closed, his head moving along the the rhythm. You smiled. 

"Shit, that's so dope," he said after the last few notes of the song played and you watched as he quickly added the song to his library. 

"Now you have to show me your stuff," you said and Joost laughed. 

"Completely different vibe," he assured me. 

I don't care, you wanted to say but you were interrupted by a loud "JOOOOOST!" sounding from behind you. You turned around to see presumably one of Joost's friend stepping outside on the balcony. "Where have you been?" 

"Heeey," Joost replied and put his phone in his pocket. Quickly he turned to you, his hand touching your arm softly. "I'm sorry," he laughed apologetically. 

"It's fine," you assured him, your hand resting on his bicep just for a second too short before his friend came up to the both of you. 

~ 

"There you are," a familiar voice exclaimed beside you as you were standing by the bar, contemplating what kind of drink you should get next. 

"Glad you found me again," you said with a smile as you faced Joost who had been dragged away by his friend earlier. 

"Can I get you a drink?" he asked. 

"Sure," you smiled and told the person on bar duty your order. 

As the bartender put your finished drinks on the counter, the cups were spilling as he put way too much. Joost grabbed both of your drinks and already took a sip from his cup so as to not make a mess. 

"Take a sip," he said and held out your cup towards you. Instead of taking the cup yourself, you stepped closer, your eyes locking with Joost's. Your hands crossed behind your back you wrapped your lips around the brim of the overspilling cup and took a sip, looking up at Joost who stared you down sternly. 

"Thanks," you said after swallowing and wrapped your hands around the cup and for a moment Joost's fingers were entangled between yours. A short pause ensued and you realised you were done with talking. If there was anything you could do to make Joost touch you again, to have his body closer to yours, to be able to feel his lips on yours and preferably other parts of your body, you would do it in an instant. You and Joost were still staring at each other, not saying anything. 

"So," you started and set down your drink on the bar after you took a sip. "Do you come here often, or?" you joked. 

"Oh, shut up," Joost laughed and within just a second he stepped towards you and his hands were resting on the sides of your cheeks. Your right hand found the side of his waist before you closed your eyes and your lips finally pressed against Joost's. The kiss was hungry and hot and his lips tasted of beer. His hands were gentle but firm on your face, his thumb carefully caressing your cheek as he moved his other hand down to hold your waist. Your left hand found Joost's neck where you buried your fingers into his hair. As you pressed your body closer to Joost's it still somehow wasn't enough. Joost seemed to read your mind when he reluctantly broke away from the kiss to ask "Should we get out of here?" 

"Yes, please." 

A/N: Again, pls send in requests! Read part two here! Read part three here!

[rafeandonlyrafe]

well 🧍‍♀️ as a reminder this blog is NOT a safe space for trump supporters but it IS a safe place for women, queers, trans ppl, people of color, undocumented people, and any marginalized group.

[etherealising]

I’ve been a little MIA, some big things happening in my life, but I’m finally caught up on AIEKOY and omg I’m just laying here trying not to cry again because I’m so so happy that Carmy finally knows about their baby and they’re finally getting the chance to grieve together. I don’t know how I would have survived my loss without my husband earlier this year. We really gave each other someone to lean on and Carmy and Baby both deserve to grieve this loss together even if it’s been a year.

-🎀

hi oh my goodness, so happy to see you in my inbox! i hope life is going well for you and that whatever is going on is all good things!!! so happy to hear you’ve caught up, i was a mess writing and editing this chapter but i too am glad carmy knows and that they’ll be able to move forward together. it definitely isn’t an experience anyone should go through alone if it can be helped, i just want to thank you for sticking with this story given the context of the plot and i hope you and your husband are both doing well 🤍. as much as baby came across as resentful or nonchalant about the whole thing having carmy to lean on now is really what they both need and i just can’t wait to continue their story. thank you so much for reading its so good to hear from you!! 🫶🏽

[giotanner]

Where are you cod fans? 🫵

[usachxxn]

order up 🍔🥤

[jenoslutie]

I can just imagine the first time you and jeno have a go at everything that he barely gets the tip in before you're whining. You're so... tight. He hikes your legs up and grips where your hips meet your thighs, trying the hold you still, trying to squeeze in. You're squirming, pleading.

What for?? You don't know.

One second you're begging, almost asking to stop, just to follow it up with a desperate moan. You have tears falling down your face as he slows down. You look down, expecting him to be all the way in, but it's far from over. Not only is he long, but the girth is unreal too.

He's shushing you as you cry. You're in pain, yes, but you also wanted to do good for jeno. He holds you close as he slowly pulls out- your poor cunt already sore and red. He backs up and spreads your legs, almost inspecting his work. This just makes you cry harder- he stares at your irritated cunt in such a condescending way and he laughs are your whimpering.

"Poor baby can't even take cock, can she?? You're just too tight, baby. I'm gonna make you mine though. I'm gonna mold this cunt into the shape of my cock; gonna ruin you for everyone else."

This just makes you cry harder at the thought of being his, only his. You start grinding into the air, your legs still spread and jeno laughs again.

"I guess I do have to reward you for trying so hard, baby... tell me what you want and you'll get it."

"Y-y-your-your mouth, please. I want your mouth on my cunt," you stutter between cries.

He smiles that evil, condescending grin again, diving in like a man starved. Lapping at you and rubbing at your hole, almost trying to soothe it. You whine at the pressure and grab his hair, which just makes him more desperate, grinding his leaking cock into the mattress. He continues lapping at you and teasing your hole, making you come. He quickly sits on his knees, relieving his spent cock just inside your still sore cunt.

"Can't wait to fill you up and really make you mine, baby," he kisses your forehead, "we'll just have to try until it fits."

(I am ovulating and lonely)💚💕

HOLY SHIT anon you’re a fucking GENIUS???

thinking about jeno making you cum with his mouth so it would be easier to slip into you 🤭🤭

he��d hold your hand through it too. assuring you that he’s got you and to tell him if you need him to stop. but that’ll only last until he finally gets barely halfway in you and you let out a loud whine.

“more jeno. please”

and he'd give it to you. bottoming out all the way and giving you a a moment to adjust before he'd rocks his hips into yours, setting a steady pace which made you cry out. jeno was big. not even big, he was huge. it felt almost like you could feel him everywhere in you.

LORD do i love jeno....

[hellspawnmotel]

Saw your latest art about Chara.

Absolutely love it!

Although I can’t help but wonder, what is your take on Chara anyway? Sorry for asking, I’m just curious.

Oh, no problem! Umm it's.... complicated? lol. Chara is a pretty broad subject...... I think they were a very troubled kid who, in all honestly, probably wasn't very good to Asriel as a friend or a sibling. They could be pushy, violent, and manipulative. They loved Asriel, as much as Asriel loved them, but sometimes that isn't enough, and who knows whether they intentionally poisoned Asgore or not, or why they laughed about it later.... it's been common to justify or try and explain Chara's more questionable actions as misunderstood or taken out of context, but tbh I don't think we actually need to do that. I don't think, even in the worst case scenario where Chara purposefully hurt their family at every moment we see it, that makes them a demon, or irredeemable, or that they even NEED to be redeemed. At the end of the day, Chara was a child who committed suicide- whether the intended outcome was to free monsterkind or to destroy humanity, or just to die. Even with the least charitable interpretations taken as gospel, shouldn't they still be worthy of love? Isn't the whole point of Undertale that anybody can become a friend and be understood, if only you reach out to them?

(I'm also a firm believer that Chara is the narrator no matter the route, which informs a lot of their personality to me, and also means that we get to decide their arc as a ghost. That makes way more sense to me than a story like this just going uhhh yeah that kid was pure evil the whole time or whatever lol.)

[i-like-forcefem]

Positive reinforcement forcefem. You get one marshmallow if you put on pants, and two if you put on a skirt

The pants in question are of course incredibly girly with embroidered flowers on them and a brighter shade of blue then you’ve ever seen before

In my opinion it’s even girlier then the skirt

Cuties still tend to pick it over the skirt though

And this mindset leaves them in a Gothic Lolita dress by the end of the week just because it’s not as bad as the Cutsey Lolita dress

though at this point we both know she’d love to wear it, so tomorrow I’ll let her pick what matching shoes she wants wear under the dress, extremely cute shoes for 2 marshmallows, or plain white Mary Jane’s for 1?

She’ll be so busy deciding that she won’t even notice that she’s already wearing the dress she said she hated yesterday

[xoxoemynn]

Hello OFMD crew! I love you and I'm happy you're here. 💕

[npcproject]

NPC 013 Sweet Matilda

[jinkamuraisqueen]

@karmablacks requested this but i figured some of you guys might want to see it too, that's why i'm posting this here! so here's alan, leo, and ren's casual / pajama fullbody!! ft. kaito.. in his boxer.. (under the cut)

it's actually so fun to play around with their expressions since the range of motions on their face are so many! i personally love to make them blush (by them i mean my husband, jin HAHAHA)

but moving their body parts?? that's pretty hard for me, at least manually (it looks awkward). praying that when i have the time, i can play around some more because currently i'm being beaten by life

[joostsblog]

updated!

joostsblog’s (formerly known as tomhollandsblog) masterlist!

legend:

❤️‍🔥 = smut/nsfw (18+ only) 🎆 = author’s favourite ❇️= NEW!

TOM HOLLAND

Series: 

Love/Hate me more (17.4k words)❤️‍🔥🎆

part one // part two 

different now (20k words)

series masterlist chapter one // chapter two // chapter three // chapter four // chapter five // chapter six // chapter seven // chapter eight  // chapter nine

lesson learned (22.5k words)❤️‍🔥🎆

series masterlistpart one // part two // part three // part four // part five

One-Shots:

Strawberries on a summer day (3.3k words)❤️‍🔥🎆 Flicker ft. Niall Horan (1.9k words)

Headcanons:

Tom’s nose is cute Drunken mistakes (roommate!Tom) Tom going down on you for the first time❤️‍🔥 Blind date with Tom Winter date with Tom First date with Tom🎆

PETER PARKER

One-Shots:

promises and secrets (3.8k words)🎆 I just wanted you to like me (3k words)🎆 You don’t have to be alone (1.4k words)

Headcanons:

first date with best friend Peter

JOOST KLEIN

Series: 

am i complex to you (6k words)

part one // part two // part three❤️‍🔥

caught in the middle (in progress) ft. Ski Aggu x reader ❇️

series masterlist part one: picnic day // part two: fingers intertwined ❤️‍🔥// part three: spinning ❤️‍🔥// part four: casual //

One-Shots: 

you’re all i think about (1.5k words)🎆 to be desired (1.6k words) kiss it better (1.1k words)🎆 is this as good as it gets? ft. Ski Aggu (2.3k words) the button (1.8k words) cold tea (0.7k words) the one about his hands and also waking up covered in hickeys (3.1k words)❤️‍🔥 Liverpool (0.8k words)

Headcanons:

Joost with a reader who uses crutches Having a height difference with Joost

SKI AGGU

Series: 

caught in the middle (in progress)❇️

[bekolxeram]

Searing hot take

Most of the time, I think which side you take in the breakup says more about you than whose fault it is, or even the characters themselves.

I mean it in the most affectionate way possible.

Every post I see in the bucktommy tag explaining why you side with Buck/Tommy (or even the 118 for discouraging Buck from contacting Tommy), is like a glimpse into your attachment style, your experience, your trauma.

Sometimes I really want to ask, what happened? Who hurt you? But it'll definitely come off as rude, condescending and overstepping.

So maybe what I want to ask is, how are you holding up? Does it hurt less now that we've had a month to process? Will you be okay? Can we do anything to make one another feel better?

[the-way-astray]

The Keefe Sencen Infantilization Argument (because I've seen people say that saying he infantilizes Sophie is a bad-faith argument):

(Note: This post is a repost. I had my thoughts scattered out over a few posts, so I wanted to put them all together in one cohesive post. If you've already seen all the original posts, then aside from like two sentences being reworked and the format being better now, there's like nothing new here for you. Sorry.)

Examples of Keefe infantilizing Sophie and my explanations as to why this is infantilization and not okay:

Lodestar, chapter 4. What I originally said: “There you go, rocking the whole adorable-when-you’re-angry thing. I think that’s what I’ve missed about you the most.” Keefe infantilizes Sophie by saying she’s cute when she’s angry. She is trying to express her feelings, and all Keefe can do is be all Awwwwww. Isn’t that so cute? She’s angry! How adorable. It’s a form of invalidating someone’s feelings, by treating them like they’re just entertainment or by brushing them off like that. It’s some of the most manipulative behavior out there. It also saves Keefe from having to actually take Sophie’s feelings into account. His infantilization of her also shows up in his incessant need to protect her. It’s icky and gross, and authors should stop encouraging this behavior.

Sophie and Keefe are having a mental conversation and Keefe starts talking about Sophie's love triangle/square situation and Sophie doesn't want to talk about it. Not a fan of this, because Keefe butts into Sophie's personal business, then when she gets worked up, he heavily implies that he thinks it's cute. But this one isn't particularly bad compared to the others. Don't get me wrong, I still think this is infantilization, but the best I can say about it is it's not the worst example.

Lodestar, chapter 46. What I originally said: “You’re so cute when you worry, he told her.” More classic Keefe infantilization. He once again invalidates Sophie’s feelings by dumbing them down and acting like they’re this cute, quirky, inconsequential thing.

Sophie is obviously incredibly worried. Keefe clearly knows this. And his comment is to be like Yeah, but don't you know that makes you sooooo cute??? Like, sir.

Lodestar, chapter 65. What I originally said: “Is this going to be another one of those nights where you spend the whole time yelling at me to come home? Keefe asked, making her sit up straighter as his thoughts filled her head. Because as much as I love it when you get all feisty on me, now’s really not a good time.” God, Keefe is so subtly invalidating. He treats Sophie like she’s just his personal worry machine, not a person with valid concerns and ideas. The flippant way he talks about her worry for him makes me so mad. He takes her worry for granted and throws it back in her face, without a care for how it would affect her mental health. He brushes her off and invalidates her because he thinks he’s so much smarter than everyone else. Not to mention he calls her worry “feisty” and further infantilizes her feelings and ideas.

This one honestly stands alone. Context doesn't really do anything to it. The infantilization for all these quotes is in the quote itself, because it is invalidating to treat someone's outburst of negative emotions as entertainment. Keefe basically just says that he finds it cute when she insists he comes home because she's worried about him??? He's like, yeah, Sophie's worried about me, tearing up her mental health over me, but like. She gets feisty when that all becomes externalized and she begs me to come home! Again, it's just a way he's able to brush Sophie's feelings off and disregard her opinion entirely.

When I say Keefe acts like Sophie is his personal worry machine, I'm saying he acts like her worry only exists for his amusement. He doesn't see the deeper feelings behind that worry (or if he does, he certainly doesn't respect them), and only see it for what he sees it as: something cute and adorable.

Nightfall, chapter 24. What I originally said: “‘I know! Our little girl is growing up and getting so snarky!’ Keefe pretended to wipe his teary eyes. ‘I’ve never been so proud.’” “Our little girl” . . . that totally isn’t creepy or infantilizing at all. The way Keefe talks about Sophie here is genuinely so gross, even if it is a joke. 

This is a joke. 100%. But it's a joke that sat very poorly with me because of the way Keefe verbalizes this. The problem for me is in the quote itself, again, because I feel like saying these sorts of things constantly is just so weird.

Nightfall, chapter 32. Wouldn't say what I originally said adds anything new, so I'm just gonna move past that. The larger problem here is 100% the fact that Keefe is clearly trying to joke to deflect Sophie's anger away. My argument isn't about that. My argument is that saying that someone's anger is adorable is textbook infantilization. In context, Keefe uses it as a way to deflect or joke. But the simple act of saying that is a form of invalidation where Sophie's emotions are made out to be some silly, inconsequential thing.

Anyway, about this quote in particular. Sophie is obviously freaking out, and she is clearly and seriously trying to tell him that his joking behavior is unacceptable. Keefe responds, not by listening at all to what Sophie said or what she's feeling, but by instead saying this. This invalidates Sophie's very real feelings as well as saves Keefe from having to confront what Sophie's telling him. And yes, this is a product of his deflection, but my point here is that saying someone's anger or worry is adorable or cute when they are trying to be serious is textbook infantilization, because it treats that opinion they have as a silly, child-like tantrum. "Awwww, isn't that anger adorable???" is what you say about a tantrum-throwing toddler who just got their favorite toy taken away, not someone your age presenting a valid, serious opinion. My issue is with the statement "Your anger/worry is adorable/cute" itself, not how Keefe uses it to deflect. It also presents Keefe, subtle as it may be, as the only one with valid opinions on things because Sophie's adorable little feelings get in the way of her rationality.

And before you say Sophie calls him out on this, yes, but he doesn't change. I'm not going to talk about it at length here, but Keefe apologizes to Sophie in the Nightfall scene after his bed rest more out of a desire to make up with her than a desire to change his bad habits. You can see this because he continues to do it into Unlocked.

Nightfall, chapter 34. Again, I don't think what I originally said adds anything relevant, so I'll skip that here.

The famous scene. I do admit that Sophie calls Keefe out this time. However, as I've already said, this doesn't stick, so it hardly matter. Keefe continues with this behavior through the series and into Unlocked, where he doesn't necessarily say these things out loud, but you can see he still thinks them.

Nightfall, chapter 70. What I originally said: “‘Much as I’m enjoying this sudden overflow of adorable Foster-rage—it’s not worth it.’” Ah, more of Keefe infantilizing Sophie and invalidating her feelings. If someone finds your anger or worry “adorable” and acts like it’s this cute little quirk, then that’s never a good thing. Especially if they enjoy it. Someone who cares about you should never enjoy seeing you angry or worried.

Sophie's having a serious, key word here is serious, discussion (we'll call it a discussion, even though that's not particularly correct) with Cassius, and even though her rage isn't aimed at him this time, Keefe telling Sophie her rage is adorable when she's being serious is still dumbing down her emotions to that of a toddler throwing a tantrum, not a grown-up (at least relative to Keefe) having a very valid reason to be angry. Just because he agrees with her anger, doesn't mean he can't still infantilize her.

Flashback, chapter 1, page 12. I think what I said in my original post just about sums it up: “‘You’re so adorable when you worry. I’ve told you that, right?’” (12) Yes, you have, and saying it more doesn’t make it any less icky and gross and infantilizing. It’s like he’s dumbing Sophie down to this object who only exists to entertain him with her adowabuw wittle feewings, instead of a person with very real, very complex emotions.

Keefe fans the air, so we have physical evidence he knows exactly how worried Sophie is. And his response is to be like, so cute! So adorable! Once again, this is serious, and Keefe is acting like Sophie's worry exists only to amuse or entertain him. I don't know else to communicate that that isn't a good thing. Someone being worried usually means they have something they're worrying about, worry doesn't just manifest out of thin air for entertainment's sake. Sophie also responds poorly to his writing her off, with what and the glare and all.

(Side note: When I was looking for that quote, I found a quote where Fitz says the exact same thing, I'm talking word-for-word "adorable when you worry" stuff. Like I mentioned in my disclaimers, I'm not saying he's more right for this and I'm not letting him off the hook. It's icky when Keefe does it and it's icky when Fitz does it. But I'm solely focused on Keefe, which is why I'm not bringing that up. It's also worth it to note that Fitz doesn't say this over and over again, the way Keefe does.)

Flashback, chapter 17, page 304. I think I'm just going to copy-paste exactly what I said in my original post because it's exactly what I'm trying to say: “‘Hear that, Ro?’ he interrupted. ‘She’s giving me her serious voice.’” (304) Another example of Keefe infantilizing Sophie and dumbing her feelings down for the sake of a joke. Awwww, isn’t her serious voice so cute? She only does that when she thinks she has something important to say to us grown-ups! Awwwwwww. 

Apparently, people don't get why this is a bad thing, so: acting like someone isn't being serious when you can literally feel their emotions and know they're being serious just because you don't like what they're saying is not just invalidation, but infantilization, because you are dumbing their emotions and the complexities behind them down to that of a child attempting to be serious.

I'd also argue that this shows Keefe's true colors: he only really listens to her opinions and respects them when he agrees with them. Disagreeing with someone is all fine and good, but you can still respect the other person's opinion and not dumb it down and act like it's lesser than your own. If Keefe said "Sophie, I hear you, but I think you're wrong" (in Keefe jokester language, obviously, not word-for-word what I wrote) then I wouldn't call this infantilization, I'd call it respect. My problems arise from when Keefe acts like Sophie's opinions are stupid because Sophie is the one saying them with that adorable little pouty voice.

Flashback, chapter 21, page 355. What I originally said: “It’s always fun when you get feisty.” (355) I’ve said this about a gajillion times, but Keefe’s infantilization of Sophie is so horrific, it’s like he doesn’t care about her at all. He just sees her emotions as amusement for himself.

This is a sad scene, and Keefe has every right to be emotionally . . . off in this scene. But it still doesn't change the fact that he calls Sophie's anger "feistiness" and then says it's fun when she gets angry. You could say that's not exactly what he said, but it's likely that's what he meant given the past few quotes I've shown. Keefe has demonstrated a pattern of thinking Sophie's anger is amusing or adorable or fun. Anger is a negative emotion. When Sophie feels anger she doesn't feel good. And Keefe is like, yeah, but it's cute! Do you see how that's not the greatest thing to say? It says a lot about his internalized beliefs about Sophie, and is essentially confirmed by Unlocked. And even if that didn't represent the way he saw Sophie inside, that's still a really shitty thing to say because it still carries the invalidation.

Legacy, chapter 3, page 70. What I originally said: “‘Tell me why you have that cute little crease between your eyebrows.’” (70) You already know what I’m going to say. Keefe finding Sophie’s worry cute is textbook infantilization. But also, if he finds her worry and anger so adorable, what’s he gonna do when the Neverseen are defeated and Sophie doesn’t have as many things worrying her?

So, the crease between the eyebrows is obviously because of worry. So by saying he finds it cute, Keefe indirectly says he finds Sophie's worry cute, though I'm sure I don't have to spell that out because he's already flat out admitted he finds Sophie's worry cute several times. I'm going to sound like a broken record if I repeat what I've been saying this entire post about why this is infantilization, so instead I wanna talk about that last paragraph there. Keefe literally knows how queasy Sophie's worry can make her sometimes, and he has expressed this before, as well. So he knows exactly what Sophie's going through when she worries. And still, he acts like her worry is amusing, funny, cute, or otherwise a quirky little thing. I don't understand how Keefe can be so invalidating, having had firsthand experience with Sophie's emotions.

“But I was only half listening because she gets this cute little crinkle between her eyebrows when she’s trying to be serious, and it makes me want to reach up and smooth her forehead with my fingertip—and I’m betting she’d think I was super weird if I did that, since it’s not like she’s my . . . ” (Unlocked, very first paragraph of Keefe's diary entry, 481)

Don't have an e-book of Unlocked, unfortunately (boooooooo). So the context is that Keefe is giving us (or himself???) an intro to what he's doing here, which is writing about his drawings. He explains that Sophie gave him the idea and gives a general overview of what she said to convince him. Then he says this quote.

Here's what I said, which I stand by: I hate the way Keefe talks about Sophie. She’s just this soft, kind of ditzy, child-like sort of figure in his head. He admits that he doesn’t care what she has to say, he just cares about how adorable she looks while she says it. This is a textbook sign of a toxic relationship. You should care about what your partner/crush says, because that shows that you see them as a person, not as your personal cover model. Also “trying to be serious” paints Sophie as this impudent little child who’s trying to get the attention of the older, more experienced adults and it very much implies that Sophie is not serious, but awwww, look how cute she looks trying to be serious, isn’t it adorable? Except Keefe and Sophie are the same age. So this is another case of textbook infantilization.

Personally, I think I made it fairly clear why I think this is infantilization. Keefe did not listen to the latter half of what Sophie said because he was too busy imagining how adorable she must've looked as she said it. I don't know how to make it more clear that Keefe does not respect or care about Sophie's opinions. He did what she asked, sure, but he did not actually listen to her. Again, implying Sophie was not being serious when she was is infantilization. It takes away the weight of what Sophie is saying and makes it out to be a thing of like, Oh well, Sophie told me to, so I guess I'll humor her adorable little wishes and give it a shot, but let's get back to what's more important here, which is how cute she probably looks! I don't know how else to explain that that's not an attitude you want in someone who claims to listen to you and respect you.

Addressing some other things (Keefe calling Sophie herself cute [1], Keefe's deflection [2], Keefe praising Sophie's prowess [3], Sophie not seeming bothered [4], and The Real Problem [5]):

I don't think Keefe calling Sophie herself cute or adorable by itself is infantilization. That's just a cute, fluffy teenage crush. 100% cool with that. My problem is with Keefe dumbing Sophie's negative emotions that have complexities behind them down to something cute or inconsequential by calling them adorable. There's a quote in the diary entries where Keefe describes Sophie's blush as adorable and proceeds to describe it in vivid detail. I don't like it for personal taste reasons, but I would never argue that this is infantilization. Because. It's not. There is no dumbing down of emotions here, no shrugging off experience or maturity. There's just a kid with a crush.

As for Keefe's habit of deflecting stuff through jokes, yes, it's a flaw and yes, some of the times Keefe infantilizes Sophie, he's using it as a joke to deflect. Yes, that's the larger issue. But the point still stands that the way in which he thinks of Sophie's worry and anger is infantilization.

There are moments where Keefe talks nonstop (sometimes in a very unnatural way, in my opinion) about how powerful and amazing and brilliant and talented and spectacular Sophie is and how he respects her choices and whatnot. I don't see this as particularly contradictory to his infantilization. Keefe can dumb Sophie's emotions down to cute, inconsequential little playthings while also insisting that he thinks she's amazing and powerful. I do think he does think that she's incredibly talented, but he also invalidates or disrespects her choices because he sees her emotions as adorable and unserious. Sophie is objectively powerful and talented and smart, I'm not really sure how saying those clear facts out loud changes the fact that Keefe still sees Sophie as very juvenile in his head. He can respect her prowess and capacity for talent while still disrespecting her opinions and emotions. The two can coexist. This is why I say Keefe pedestalizes and infantilizes Sophie simultaneously.

As for saying this doesn't bother Sophie (except in that one instance where she glares at him), I'd hardly say it matters. People can be the object of toxic behavior without realizing it. Sophie doesn't really seem to care past a handful of seconds when Keefe reads her emotions without her permission (on purpose, with intention), but I think most of us would agree that that doesn't make it acceptable. And Keefe's infantile views of Sophie say more about him than they do Sophie, which is the argument I'm trying to make. My point is that Keefe sees Sophie's emotions as inconsequential little things that don't need to be taken into account. This is all mapped into how he sees her internally. Again, just because Sophie doesn't seem bothered by Keefe's comments, doesn't mean they're acceptable, especially considering it gives us a view into the way he truly sees Sophie. And if Keefe thinks of Sophie is such an invalidating way, how are we supposed to believe he'll respect her when she argues with him, instead of just writing it off as "that adorable rage"?

And last but not least (as this is literally the reason people are annoyed with Keefe, regardless of what flaw you're talking about): the infantilization isn't the problem. Not really. What the problem is is that it is never called out by the narrative and when it is, it lasts two seconds, doesn't stick, and Keefe continues with it having not learned a thing. He doesn't change, and I can give you a thousand explanations for why Keefe may be so prone to infantilizing Sophie based on his childhood, trauma, and everything else, but none of that is an excuse. And I'm certainly not a fan of the way we're constantly told that Keefe respects Sophie when he's clearly so ready to undermine her emotions or dumb them down. If you're going to have him say things like this, it should be understandable that it's not a good thing.

I think it all comes down to this: Imagine you were trying to get a very serious point across to someone or otherwise feeling very emotional over something and then you look over and the other person's reaction is like, Aw, you're so cute when you're all worked up trying to be serious! Anger so adorable! Worry so cute! I love it when you get feisty! Wouldn't you feel like they don't respect what you're saying? Is that not incredibly icky and weird?

Here is the definition of infantilization. I think it's very difficult to make an argument that Keefe is not doing this to Sophie. And if you think that's bad, oh boy, is it so. Much. Worse. In the actual Unlocked novella. It's very difficult to deny that Keefe only sees Sophie as an adorable little cute thing that amuses him when you read it. But I'll get there . . .

Anyway I'm leaving it off with this because these are the vibes I get from Keefe every time he makes an infantilizing comment about Sophie (minus the yelling, Keefe doesn't really yell):

[mashbrainrot]

there is someone out there who insists on putting horrible comments on fics, in people's tumblr inboxes, anywhere they can get their grubby little paws. often just the usual fare for pathetic trolls - rape threats, suicide bait, the odd racial slur... occasionally, they branch out and try their hand at slightly more insidious attempts to sow discord between people.

they mostly don't make an impact, however, not only because they are so transparent, but also because anyone who has ever come into contact with this person knows full well who they are, and knowing that sort of makes the whole thing vaguely laughable.

however, now and again they sort of... widen their scope a bit, and just on the off chance that they might send their little attacks to anyone vulnerable, or unknowing, I just wanted to let you all know that they really are just the work of one very sad individual who has nothing better to do with their time. they're not a real threat to anyone, except maybe themselves. please please don't take anything they say to heart. just block, report, turn off anon comments, anything you need or want to do.

I'm not sure if they'll get bored – they haven't yet, and frankly I don't think they have much else to sustain them besides perhaps deleting and remaking endless tumblr blogs – but ignoring them wholeheartedly is genuinely what is best for you, and that is what is important.

so, look after yourselves. they're just a troll.

[amethystpath-writes]

Challenge Me

Hello! I had this idea around Halloween time when all the scary movies were playing about, so excuse the morbidity!

Warning for numerous mentions of death and vague depictions of a dead body

******

Villain should have looked more unsettling. Pale, maybe, or even blue. Perhaps it was simply too good to be true. Not that Hero necessarily wished him dead, but the alternative was...her stomach churned and she reluctantly touched her own neck. If she thought about it too long, she'd feel the cold of that knife again.

This wasn't what she wanted, yet she was ashamed to admit her relief at the sight.

"You're debating who the real villain is."

She froze, staring at the body, wondering if she truly watched its still lips actually move.

I'm hallucinating, I must be. Hero stepped closer. Suddenly, the walls of the cell felt much closer. It was just her and Villain's body in this confined space. Leader had stepped away. 'So you can process without influence,' he said. She didn't mind or even acknowledge that he had shut the door until now.

Her hand waivered as she reached down, down, down until her second and third finger rested against the artery of Villain's neck. No beat.

If his heart wasn't beating, surely there was no breath. But that voice. It was so distinctly Villain's. Hero leaned down and held her own breath. Villain, too, held his, as all dead bodies did. That was until-

"Should I watch you convince yourself you've lost your mind?"

Hero was halfway across the cell before the body uttered its third word.

"Are you alive?" It came out as a desperate whisper, one so rushed she barely understood her own words.

"Depends on who you're asking." This time, the voice came from the cell door. Hero released a breath, relieved at the sight of Leader. It wasn't until she'd walked close enough to the bars of the cell door that she cocked her head. Shouldn't he have already opened it by now? Come to think of it, why had he closed it at all? It must have been her. She shut it subconsciously, right?

"I'm glad you're back. I didn't realize I closed the door behind me and you're the only one with a set of keys." She chuckled awkwardly, and tucked a strand of hair back, hoping it might also push away the thoughts of the body behind her, of it moving and speaking.

Leader smiled with closed lips and Hero noticed that, for once, his lips were chapped. He made no move to open the door, just stood there with his fingers tucked in his front pockets.

"Did you step outside while you were gone?" she ventured. Why wouldn't he open the door?

"Can't."

She wrapped her fingers around one of the bars, hoping to signal Leader to the door again. "You said he was dead, right? Surely, it's not HR's rules keeping you prisoner to the body."

The body. She was still in the room with Villain's body.

"Not Villain's. Look again."

Her brows drew together and she tilted her head. It was as if Leader read her mind, but she'd known him for at least three years now; he didn't have that ability.

"Sorry?"

"Look again," he repeated. His voice verged on amused, like he was waiting on someone's reaction to a sweet surprise.

"I'm okay," Hero said. Sweat was forming on the back of her next, against her palms, now squeezing the bars. "I've seen enough. I'm just- I'm ready to go home now, Leader. You have the keys."

"Look."

"Leader-"

He took his hands out of his pockets, and if Hero weren't so anxious, she wouldn't have noticed that it was his left hand which held the key to the cell door.

"I didn't know you were ambidextrous." Leader used his right hand, right leg, right everything for all tasks. Hero would know. They used to play games between missions; Inverted Hangman was the game. They would write phrases in reverse order, start drawing from the feet, and use their less-dominant hand. Hero and Leader were both right-handed.

"I'm left-handed," he said simply as he turned the key. Hero stepped back as the door swung open, but Leader gave her no time to step through. Instead, he blocked the way out. "When I tell you to look, I expect you'll do as I say."

His hand shot out in the next moment and grasped Hero's right wrist before twisting it. Her shoulder twisted with and she yelped as Leader grabbed her once again, this time by the shoulder. He pulled her until he was able to capture both shoulders.

Hero slammed her eyes shut and held her breath as her back was spun, held against Leader's chest. Not Leader. This wasn't Leader, and she knew what sight would be before her if she opened her eyes. A confirmation she didn't want.

Leader was dead, and the body on the table wasn't Villain's.

"You're a stubborn one, aren't you?" There it was- Villain's voice, but this time it came from behind her. The body in front of her was as silent as before, only this time, she knew it would be pale, blue, cold, and unmoving. Dead. "I thought you would have figured it out sooner. This was supposed to be fun! Entertaining!"

Leader is dead. He was more than the leader of the team. He was a friend, and he was kind and fun and...and he didn't deserve this. Hero opened her eyes. "No." Leader wasn't just dead. He was...A whine rose in her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut again.

"He was entertaining, kept bargaining. Leave her out of this. She has nothing to do with this anymore. Please. She doesn't deserve this. Kind of like what you thought, huh? Come to think of it, he was a little predictable. Everyone is."

Villain's voice made her sick. She could feel the bile rise, taste it in the back of her throat. "Is that all you want? Someone to surprise you, say something you haven't heard before?" What could she say or do that would rid him? Was it even worth it? Leader was already gone, and if he were gone, so were the others.

"Probably. Haven't figured it out yet." She felt that smile of his creep against the back of her head, felt the slight pulling of her hair as his lips lifted. "The chase was exciting." Hero hated the way he spoke to her like an old friend having small talk one year after graduating from high school. "They hid you well. I just outsmarted them. It's crazy," he said, "I've had this type of...of access to the mind for years, and yet I still learn new things to do with it." The smile fell, and he whispered, "Can you feel that, Hero?"

The cold. The thin, sharp cold she was too familiar with. A blade. Hero didn't dare swallow, no matter how much saliva instinctively gathered on her tongue.

"What's even crazier," he ventured, "is that there's no knife at all. I just found it in that hazy corner of your mind which you try to keep hidden. You can't forget me, Hero, but I like to watch you try. I like to prove to you in every new way that you can't."

Why me?

"You were the first." He said it so sweetly, as if a body didn't lay in front of them, and a body they both knew to be alive at once. "You were confident. Told me to explore the ability. Told me it could do so much and I was wasting it by hiding. Aren't you just so happy I discovered I wasn't the monster I told myself I was?"

"There are other ways"- she gasped as the imaginary knife dug deeper- "to use your abilities. I didn't mean for you to-"

"Become this?"

She nodded.

"Predictable." He sighed, and the sting of the blade evaporated. "I'm going to let you go, and you're going to run as far away from me as you can, okay?"

"How can I run when you know my every move?" Still, she kept her eyes closed, unable to face Leader, and her arms were stiff as she was held back. She ached to run, but how could she?

"Challenge me, Hero. Prove to me that I'm not the monster I told you I was all those years ago, the monster you tried to convince yourself didn't exist. Prove it." He released her. "Run."