#my guy popped out the ugliest baby ever also

[bingus-bing-bong]

Ill be honest i did not expect much out of Inzoi but somehow i spent all day in the game and im really having fun.

It clearly is still an Early Access game but given the reviews about gameplay being boring or not worth it yet its doing better than i thought.

[delusionalalien]

[Embrace You, Devour You] [Chapter 1] YANDERE!Mark Grayson x Fem!Reader x YANDERE!Variant!Invincibles

Don't ask me why there's a lack of Mark in this chapter, i just want you to meet the dad, because i have daddy issues and i want a father like this (he is the opposite of my father)

this still hot garbage btw, not changing my mind bc i was pissing myself when i read the prologue HGASDASHDBASHAHAHAHAH

also story fr will now focus on mark and reader next chapter

prologue , next chapter

T.W / Tags: Slow-burn, Soft yandere, Pining, mark is bat shit crazy but he good dw, baby-trapping, teen pregnancy, yandere variants, mark a lil pushy, breeding kink, healthy relationship with a father(wish that was me), prob need more tags

You and your father have a conversation after you locked yourself in your room for several days.

There are three things Nicolas James P. Aguilar loves in this world. His work, his wife, and his little girl (Name).

And like any other man who is weak for their daughters, he would do anything for that child to smile even if it means dragging her out her room to the living room for a one on one talk, snacks at the ready accompanied by his little girls favorite drink.

Nicolas puts his hands on his hips, lips pursed as he stares at his daughter who slumped further into the couch with a sad and absent look on her worn face.

"Darling stop making that face, you're making daddy sad. Now tell me what's wrong." you looked at him funny but made no move to comment, and simply turned away not even attempting to grab the cupcakes he made for you. Nicolas straighten up now fully awake.

You, his sweet gluttonous daughter, rejecting the food he made for you, the very same food you never share even if it was Mark?! Something was badly troubling his sweet angel and he needs to get to the bottom of it ASAP.

"Dad, why are you like this?"

You question your father as he sobs dramatically in his hands. Crying that you weren't sharing your troubles with your dear old man.

If there is one thing you hate most in this household is that you're father makes the most ugliest face whenever he attempted to cry to get a reaction out of you. Yet like always without fail, it made you crack with how ridiculous it made him look. "Dad, stop it, I'm fine, just- my god."

Your head hits the couch pillow and you release a tired sigh, like you worked a 9 to 5 job but Nicolas wasn't going to complain and point it out, you were cracking and he really just wants to know what was going on inside that head of yours.

"You ready to talk about it?"

He sat on the couch, but never close to you to give you the space.

It didn't even take a second before you gave him an idea to what was bothering you.

"Dad, how did you ever figure out you like mom and how did you make her love you?"

Oh?

Ooooh

Nicolas fought, and he fought hard to make his face stay neutral.

Guess He and Debbie are going to France soon~

He coughs, biting down the grinning threating to show, growing a little flustered as he reach for a cup. He needs a second to gather his thoughts, to fight back the urge to tease the living shit out of his daughter. "Well... Uh, your mother and I met each other in the Philippines, you know my home country?"

"Yeah?"

"And we never did tell you how we actually met each other. Well, we met because we were classmates. Ehe."

You sat up, mouth agape with your eyes popping out of your sockets. "You guys lied to me! I thought you two met when mom saved you from a mugger!"

Nicolas laughs, "We'll that's your mothers side of the story, we actually first met when we were classmates but she doesn't really like talking about it."

He shrugged, "You see your mother was, lets say, uhm, a very intense when she was young. She was an exchange student from America, and let me say this,"

"She was a menace."

You leaned closer, eager to listen to how your parents actually met and not the overly romantic version you're mother told you when you were too young to count numbers. There was a gleam of curiosity and eagerness to how their lives unfold and Nicolas can't help but smile at your adorable face.

"Unlike in America, we had uniforms we wear from Monday to Friday, and your mother would violate all the known dress codes in the school and would constantly fight with the other schools in the area."

"So in other words she's a delinquent?"

"A lone wolf at that."

You awed and admired your mother more as the story progressed.

"She was different then, always frowning, always cursing at the world, but I guess after she saved me while she was on duty that day, she began noticing me,"

Nicolas gave you a goofy grin, "I was just a nerdy kid who was into making hero costumes, i was always next to her, and by the stars the day she saved me, it was like the universe aligned and, well you know, everything just fell into place."

"She was changing, slowly, she wasn't so cruel as she was before she transferred, and honestly we didn't know it then but we were falling for each other."

He looked over to where you sat, and pats your head.

"Then we moved here and had you. Your mother changed for the better and look at us, a happy family with our beautiful daughter."

You giggled when your father gave you forehead kisses.

"So in other words?"

"Darling you can't force love, you naturally gain it over time, you let it fall and you let it bloom. If you force love, it only gives you despair and hurt at the end."

You hugged your father, burying your face into his shirt, contemplating, calculating, trying to make sense of things. to understand what he was trying to say.

"I know you may not understand now, you're confused i was too at your age. But know this, if the person you love don't love you back, just move on, don't force it darling, okay?"

You don't know why but you feel sad. Mark wouldn't love you, he would never fall for you, and it hurts to slowly come to that understanding. If love is so beautiful why can't you have it as well? You should accept and move on like your father said, but your heart screamed and disagreed.

"But what if i don't want to move on from them, dad? What do i do then?"

"Then accept that sometimes, the one you love will love someone else and you should just let them go. I think only then that you'll be able to move on and feel content."

Nicolas felt like crying, fuck, what kind of effect did that Grayson kid had on you? and why now we're you just realizing you like the kid after years of being so possessive of him???

Nicolas was actually going to start bawling here and now if it weren't for you sitting straight up, hands clenched into a ball as you furrowed your brows deep in thought.

"Dad,"

"Yes?"

"I, I think I'm in love Mark."

Oh yeah, Vacation in France is just around the corner. He could smell it.

and without even thinking he blurred out his stupidest mistake.

"Oh i know, honey."

"Huh?"

-

note : i did a wheel of names thing, and put all the Asian countries on them and it landed in the Philippines and i was like?? shit, alr lets go Shawty i see u, and winged it

[dulcecherub]

Songs that remind me of Sofia

Author’s Note:This is my interpretation of her outside of Rafe completely. This is solely about how I see her. This is also probably going to be part one because I know more songs will pop up.

One thing about growing up with Mexican parents, especially if they’d immigrated from Mexico. There’s a lot of shame. Towards you and their unmet expectations of you. So I feel like Sofia feels that immensely. Yes, they praise her but she feels like they praise the parts of her that they feel like is acceptable. Not the parts she can’t control. Her flaws. It’s so easy for them to see her as this goodness in the family. But she struggles to meet that expectation. She doesn’t see herself as a good person. This is all out of insecurity of her lashing out on others. When she’s angry, she’s not good at staying calm. She will yell and scream at you. She associates herself with anger. Sometimes she thinks she truly is her father’s daughter.

“Something is rotten inside of me/ I have to find it and cut it out/ cut it out”

She feels like she’s not good enough. Sometimes she feels like she’s putting on a mask. This is all coming from self doubt she feels. She doesn’t realize how influential she can be. How people seek her out. Her siblings see her as an all knowing person. Someone they could seek advice from. But Sofia doesn’t see herself that way. She’s a lot insecurity than people realize. Not in her looks. She knows she’s beautiful. To her, that doesn’t matter. It’s her smarts that she feels she isn’t

“I’m gon make it out promise I’m gon make it out/ mama i'm gon make it out pussy i'm gon make it out/i ain't never had a doubt inside me/and if i ever told you that i did i'm fucking lying can you feel the light?/can you feel the light inside?/can you feel that fire?”

Sofia dreams of a better life. Outside of being bartender. Outside of Kildare honestly. She overestimates herself so much. She’s a lot smarter than she gives herself credit for. She doesn’t realize how often people come to her for financial advice. Or advice on things they can’t seem to figure out. She’s so smart and she overestimates it! I can see her pursuing something in education because she seems the type to love to learn. Someone who would want to share her knowledge with others. She doesn’t cower when it comes to education. Her not being able to pursue higher education wasn’t her fault. But the lack of financial support. College is a lot of money and Kildare is literally obvious with its class divide. So Sofia dreams and dreams.

This is solely because she’s so flirty. This song is so flirty to me. It reminds me of her every time I listen to it. She’s just so girly and Kali talks about fixing your makeup and looking dolly. Sofia literally looks like a doll! When it comes to romance, it’s so natural for her. She knows how to flirt, how to make a guy swoon for her. She’s dated a lot of guys, in my humble opinion. Have you seen her? I know there’s people who were trying to bag her before Rafe came into the picture.

“I could be a good mother.”

Sofia is the oldest, so she unfortunately got the role of the second mother. She basically raised her siblings herself. Her youngest sister is attached to her by the hip. Always needing to be near Sofia. She remembers as a baby, she would cling onto Sofia as if she were her mother. Sofia never minded. Until she realized the role she was playing in her baby sisters life when the words mom slip out of her lips. It was an accident. But sometimes, she would hear her say it still. They always acted like she hadn’t.

In her darkest thoughts, she imagines leaving everyone behind. Her family. Rafe. So she can seek the life she always wanted. She believes this is the ugliest part about her. Her selfishness, she tries so hard to disguise. She imagines getting into her car one day and driving far away from the island. Where no one could ever reach her again. Somewhere where she could start again. Sofia dreams…

[osamucide]

16 18 and 23 for either dazai or akutagawa or both whatever makes you happy to answer most i couldn't decide 💕

i’m sending you a smooch over the digital highways that connect us………….s/i lore droppers unite

16. Who hogs the covers?

between RYU and me it’s definitely him but in the cute way, you know? i think he’s always a little chilly… maybe i need to start a hc list for him too seeing how much i’ve come to love him this year. one of them would definitely be that he runs cold. i run warm so im more than glad to give up the covers/let my feet poke out if it means he’s more comfortable. in his quiet consideration though (another hc id have is that where he doesn’t prefer to express his love verbally/phsyically, he will through acts of service.. like letting me have some blankets lol) he definitely monitors himself in the winter

between OSAMU and me it’s also him but NOT in the cute way. he just doesn’t gaf. he runs cold too (see my anemia hc for him lol) but he straight up hogs shamelessly and ungratefully and acts cute and coy if i try to ask for some back. i will get up and grab an extra blanket from the couch or closet or something and he will GO OUT OF HIS WAY to add it to his burrito. sometimes if im lucky i can convince him to let me inside the burrito before he makes it but then i get hot and sweaty and that’s not fun for either of us because then he has to let me out OR i have to suck it up and be sweaty. (my arm usually gets trapped in it anyway so he can cling)

18. What are they like when they're drunk? How do they act together? & when 1 is drunk, while the other one's sober?

RYU can’t hold his alc (i think this is either canon, based on irl akutagawa, or both). one shot + one cocktail MAX and then he’s done. composure, restraint, cool-guy facade is down after two or three drinks and then he starts rambling and rambling and chatting and rambling about the most random shit. all those inside thoughts he so obviously keeps to himself? “why’s that guy looking at you weird.” “it’s too fucking hot in here does anyone know how to work a thermostat.” “that is the ugliest fucking dress i’ve ever seen.” just doesn’t stop. the filter’s off. unintentionally really funny.

when he’s drunk/im sober, it’s probably just me wheezing at him while he dissects some aspect of culture or politics or history or whatever while i shoo him toward the door and tell people i need to get him home because he’s gna be vomming in approximately a half hour. you’d think blacked-out akutagawa just popped a xan. birds circling around his head while he sways in a circle and goes on incoherently about something he definitely shouldn’t be talking sbout.

when i’m drunk/he’s sober, he is ANNOYEEEEED. or he acts like it. i think he’s the kind of guy to secretly be endeared when his s/o gets all cute and drunk. and me personally… i do as much drunk bitch shit as the next guy. i try to get him to dance with me. i get all cuddly and hang all over him and tell him he’s so pretty and im in love with him and crap. he’s like “no” but he gives in if i’m insistent enough. if i stumble/fall/do some dumb shit he TOTALLY laughs at me. acts of service-love style kicks in if i’m super hammered. waves me out of the clerb looking all irritated and then we’re home and he’s like “i got you water and a piece of bread and a bucket in case you need to throw up don’t lay on your back wake me if you need anything don’t take any advil until the morning” etc etc. dotes. and no one believes me

when we’re both drunk…….i enable him. he’s like “that dress is ugly” and i’m like “yah you’re right it’s atrocious” and he’s like “i’m gonna go tell that guy to quit looking at you or i’ll shit his pants” and i’m like “yah baby get em” and he’s like “it’s too hot to breathe in here” and i’m like “yah we’re so leaving a bad yelp review” (whether or not we follow through on these things usually depends if either of us can confidently walk in a straight line)

neowwww OSAMU and i drunk… i truly feel bad for everyone in the vicinity LOL. i think he can hold his liquor well; i can too, but on the off chance we’re not drinking together we individually just get kind of sad and silly. i don’t know if i should even consider separate scenarios here because i really cannot imagine a situation in our relationship in which one of us would be drinking and the other isn’t. he can’t drive his ass is not dd’ing. i am notoriously known to call an uber no it does not matter that there’s 74 cents in my bank account. we’re seeing who can drink the other under the table (there is never a definite answer). we’re waterfalling shots into each other’s mouths. we’re dancing very badly. we’re laughing ourselves to tears when the other trips and stumbles. we’re making out in the bathroom. we’re having a stupid conversation outside that we think is philosophical just because we’re smoking a cigarette over it. we’re wondering if the uber driver will stop at taco bell for us on the way home. we’re challenging each other to pool (he beats me every time). we’re hitting kind stranger’s vapes. his arm’s around my shoulder and mine’s around his waist and we shut the fucking bar down every time we go out. it’s probably kind of concerning to onlookers. we’re a little messy but we have fun! we kiki. he matches my alcoholism freak

23. Who initiates cuddling more?

between RYU and me……….. me hands down. but we accommodate each other. if im in a cuddly mood, he’ll usually concede. if he’s in an “ew don’t touch me” mood, i’ll back off. these extremes would die down over the course of our relationship, i think. eventually we’d end up like 60/40 me/him initiating

i think it’s pretty 50/50 between me and OSAMU. our “ew don’t touch me” moods seem to be a lot more in sync/equilibrium than me and ryu’s.

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

Donghyuck x Reader

summary: dating Hyuck apparently also kinda means dating Mark

word count: ~2.4k

A/N: Hyuck is a total drama queen here and Mark is oblivious, happy reading! (also do we like the header?? I think it’s kinda cute)

-

Dating Hyuck was everything you dreamed of and then some, he was the perfect boyfriend and best friend all in one. He knew when to have fun and when he could mess around with you, but he also knew when you needed him to be serious and help you. Of course, he was super affectionate and loving, to you and his members, meeting you did not change his habits toward his members in the slightest. He still bothered Doyoung every chance he got, he still loved on Jisung with every fiber of his being, he still fought Renjun any chance he got, and he was still babied by Johnny- that wasn’t surprising to you. But what did surprise you was just how close Hyuck and Mark really were. From the very beginning, you had been under the impression that Hyuck was the one that smothered Mark with affection to the point of being annoying, but now months, nearly a year, into your relationship with Hyuck it was very apparent to you that Mark was almost like a third piece of your two-person puzzle. Mark was just as clingy, if not more clingy than Donghyuck on any given day. These two were practically glued at the hip when they were together, they were inseparable.

Mark would very often join in on your movie nights, squeeze himself to Hyuck’s unoccupied side while you cuddled, joined in on your facetime dates when you were apart, he had even crashed a few dates and Hyuck loved it. He loved spending time with his best friend and his love, his two favorite people at the same time. Now, don’t be confused- you loved Mark but as a friend and when he wasn’t being a major pain on your dates. You loved that Hyuck had a best friend and someone to comfort him when you couldn’t, but sometimes you just wanted some alone time with your boyfriend and lately, Mark had become increasingly needy with Hyuck. It was like every time he saw the both you together he saw it as an open invitation for him to join. He never picked up on the romantic vibes when it was just you and Donghyuck together.

-

You had just woken up, looking at the clock that read something close to 10 am, a bright, early morning for you and Hyuck, you turned, cuddling further into his chest in an attempt to absorb his warmth. 

“You’re up early.” He grumbled, hand gently rubbing your back. 

You pouted, “I think Johnny left the blinds open on purpose.” 

Hyuck let out a sleepy laugh, pressing a peck to your forehead, still in the limbo of being awake but also asleep. “I thought I heard voices, good morning!” Mark exclaimed as his head popped into the room. He made his way to the twin-sized bed and made room for himself on a remaining tiny sliver of the bed. Hyuck smiled widely, ever the cuddly baby when he woke up, he threw an arm around Mark to cuddle the both of you. 

“Did you change your shampoo or something? You smell good.” Mark asked Hyuck, wiggling over a bit to make room for himself. 

“Mark,” you groaned. This bed was not made for three people, heck, it barely fit you and Hyuck comfortably so while Mark was making room for himself you were losing room. 

He simply replied with an oops before he and Hyuck carried on with their soap conversation, “Hold up,” Mark paused, sitting up and making even more room for himself. With a sudden bump of his hip against your boyfriend’s led to Hyuck bumping into you, you fell out of bed, landing on the floor with a soft but sudden thud. 

“Oh my god! I am so sorry!” Mark apologized, trying and failing to hold in his laughter.

“Baby, are you okay?” Hyuck laughed.

You huffed and sent a glare at the two laughing idiots on the bed, standing from the floor to make your way to the kitchen. “I think Mark is trying to steal my boyfriend.” You stated as your eyes landed on an innocent bystander Johnny. 

“Coffee?” He offered simply. 

-

After a busy day of schedules, you took it upon yourself to treat the guys to a nice dinner as a nice relaxing treat for working so hard. The table was filled with conversations and laughs while the food was eaten and the stress was eased away. Hyuck sat beside you, hand on your knee while he spoke to Jaehyun. 

“Thank you for the dinner y/n!” Taeyong smiled, leading to the rest of the guys at the filled table to follow up with their own thank you’s and compliments on your choice of food. Even a few compliments about how sweet and amazing you are, which is always nice to hear.

“Thank you, baby, I love you. My favorite person on the whole planet.” Hyuck smiled, nuzzling his head into the space between your neck and your shoulder. 

“Whoa! Favorite person?” Mark questioned.

“After you of course,” Hyuck corrected himself as he got up to suffocate Mark in a gigantic hug. The two of them carried on laughing and play fighting as if you weren’t sitting a few feet away with your mouth hanging open. The table burst out laughing upon seeing the interaction between the youngest of the group and your reaction. 

“It’s okay y/n, you’re my favorite person tonight.” Taeil laughed, pulling you into a side hug. At least Taeil would give you affection.

“Hyung! Hands off.” Donghyuck glared. There was just no winning with him.

-

A regular movie night ended up in Hyuck laying on your chest and your hand running through his hair. The couple on screen was being cute and lovey-dovey in a cafe, making the man on your chest let out a longing sigh. “I wanna kiss you in a cafe.” He whined. 

“What if I don’t want to kiss you in a cafe?” You replied playfully.

He sat up quickly, caging you underneath him as he leaned in and began to attack you with a million kisses. 

“Okay!” you laughed, “Okay! I’ll kiss you wherever you want, now let me breathe.”

He smirked, “I want to cash in on one of those kisses now.”

Before you could fully catch your breath, his lips were pressed to your lips. Your lips moved in sync, just as they had hundreds of times before. Your hand was running through his hair, pulling and tugging in such a way that drove him crazy. One hand was slipping under your shirt, resting on your waist while the other made its way up to cup your cheek. You were pressed further into the couch as the heated kiss got somehow even steamier, with that you tugged a little more roughly on his hair. He pulled away with a groan, chest heaving while he caught his breath. “That was nice.” He smiled bashfully. 

You smiled, sitting up while continuing to play with his hair more gently now. “I would hope so, you sounded like you really liked it.” 

His forehead met yours, lips brushing gently, just a few more millimeters and you would be kissing again, but of course, “Yo! Dude, you said we were going to watch this together!” You heard Mark exclaim as he plopped himself on the couch. 

“Mark! It’s so good, we can restart it right? We weren’t really paying attention anyway.” Hyuck replied cheerfully as he just about jumped away from you and onto Mark. 

“Hey y/n, you look a little flushed, I’ll take this so you can cool off,” Mark mumbled while he shoveled popcorn into his mouth, pulling the blanket off you to wrap himself and Donghyuck in it. 

You grabbed a pillow from the couch and pressed your face into it to muffle your frustrated groan. “y/n, I know, she seems awful already.” You heard Mark say. This guy…

-

“Baby, are you almost ready?” You asked Donghyuck. The two of you had plans to go shopping at one, but it was already 2:30 and you were getting bored of sitting around just playing on your phone. There was Hyuck sitting on the couch bumping elbows with his best friend while they played a stupid video game. A video game that they seemed to play every waking second when you weren’t around and now apparently when you were around.

“Just a second baby.” He grumbled, now he had taken the lead, just a few points ahead of Mark. 

“You’ve been saying that for like two hours.” You pouted.

“Hey y/n, what are you doing here?” Johnny greeted. 

You explained with a sigh and a glare sent your boyfriend’s way that you had planned on going shopping but someone was preoccupied with their other significant other. Johnny laughed, “I’m going to the mall right now with Yuta if you want to come, we have to go by Ikea.” You jumped up, beating Johnny to the door, ready to be on your way out the door without so much as a glance in your busy boyfriend’s direction to bid him goodbye. 

Shopping with Hyuck was always an adventure, you had fun every time you went out. He would make you try on the ugliest clothes he could find and then pouted when you did the same for him. However, shopping with Johnny and Yuta was a different type of fun. These two were crazy. It was the most fun you had ever had while shopping. After hours of shopping, it was finally time to go home, but Yuta and Johnny had convinced you to go back to the dorms and join them for dinner. Something about it being their turn to treat you to dinner.

The three of you entered the fifth-floor dorm, laughing while Yuta jokingly had a conversation with the stuffed animal Johnny bought you, he and Yuta had bought matching ones to be a little “family.” 

“Food should be here soon, you can set your stuff in our room.” Johnny offered. 

You let yourself into his and Hyuck’s shared room, seeing Mark with his guitar on the gaming chair while Hyuck was on the bed snuggling a pillow. He lit up upon seeing you, “Baby!”

“Hey… you guys finally stopped playing your game.” You noted while you set your shopping bags in the corner.

“Where did you go?” Hyuck asked, to which you replied by pointing at the bags. “Well, why didn’t you wait for me? We were gonna go together.”

“I went with Johnny and Yuta because you were so busy playing with Mark, I was ready and so were they, why not?” You shrugged.

“You went on a date with Johnny hyung and Yuta hyung?! You guys took my lover on a date?” Hyuck yelled angrily.

“You were having your own little day with Mark, so what? Nobody wants to wait around an hour and a half for you.” Johnny replied as he set the food down on the table. 

You managed to squeeze past Donghyuck, taking your seat at the table beside Yuta who was already mocking Hyuck under his breath, resulting in the both of you covering up your laughs as quickly as you could. 

“Baby, don’t laugh at me- hey! What is this? Why do I see three of these things?” Hyuck questioned, waving your brand new stuffed animal around.

“They’re a family!” Yuta smiled before shoveling some food into his mouth.

You thanked them for the dinner before digging into your own food while Hyuck continued to throw a fit in his doorway, “Now, you don’t even love me! You have a family with my hyungs, they stole you from me and you don’t even care. You’re just laughing in my face, I hope you’re happy with them. I hope they make you happier than I made you.” 

“Oh my god baby, it was one afternoon for 3 hours. You were busy with Mark and I had to go shopping. I can hang out with my friends like you do.” 

“Mark, you distracted me! You drove my baby away from me, shouldn’t you have been with Yuta hyung?” He went off again. Mark replied with his own argument, filling the room with loud yelling and complaints from the two of them. One of them yelled something about being clingy and the other one said something along the lines of ‘look who's talking.’ Meanwhile you were purely focused on eating your food. 

You nearly choked on your drink when Donghyuck squeezed himself onto the bench next to you and pressed his cheek against your own, “Take me back! I promise I’ll never choose Mark over you again. I won’t ever even talk to him again if that’s what you want.”

You shook your head quickly, clearing your throat, “Hyuckie, no, calm down. Mark is your best friend, you don’t have to do that.”

“I just realized that Mark has been crashing in on us time, I’m sorry. Forgive me?” He mumbled, still pressing himself to your side. 

“Yo! Have I really? Oh my god… you’re right! Ew! You weren’t warm that time we watched a movie right? He was on top of you and I-I saw your lips touch- gross!” Mark gagged. 

“That was your fault idiot, that was our alone time.” Your boyfriend glared, wrapping a hand around your waist to pull you impossibly closer. It really was more funny now to you that the both of them came to their senses days later and not on the actual night that everything had happened.

“I don’t think I can look at you guys right now, I feel sick.” Mark held an arm over his stomach as he made his way to the door. Hyuck let out a content noise, his face now pressed fully into your neck while his arms were wrapped around you like a snake suffocating their prey all the while mumbling that Mark would never bother the both of you again, he would make sure of it. And that he would never let you out of his sight or his grasp, at least not while you were near him.

Johnny leaned over the table, whispering “I think you got your boyfriend back.” Yeah, looks like you did.

[jungshookz]

🧦 stocking stuffers: yoongi’s being annoying as per usual

stocking stuffers are basically the holiday equivalent of teeny tidbits :D i just wanted to give you guys a little something to tide you over while you’re waiting for the second drabble! also yes that is a sock emoji there was no stocking emoji sUE ME 

this started off at five hundred words and quickly spiralled into two thousand words but it’s not good enough to stand alone as a proper drabble so i’m counting it as a puny stocking stuffer drabble

pairing; demon!yoongi x y/n

genre; sfw for the most part but there are some suggestive themes because this is demon!yoongi after all <3 

what to expect; “ooh, i love it when you get mouthy with me... it turns me on.” 

wordcount; 2.3k

                                      »»————-　🎄   ————-««

“i don’t even know why we’re decorating this stupid thing. we’re going to be throwing it out by the end of the month.” yoongi grumbles, tossing a handful of fake snow onto the tree a little too aggressively before shoving his hand back into the bag

this sucks

when he woke up this morning you told him that you guys would be spending the entire day decorating the apartment for christmas and his morning wood immediately deflated

in fact he’s pretty sure his penis might’ve shrivelled up and died at your words

it doesn’t make any sense

you’re like.,., 25% demon!

you’re supposed to hate christmas because it’s literally the day of christ, but here you are, wearing what has to be the ugliest sweater he’s ever seen in his entire life (it lights up. what kind of a sweater lights up?!) while happily hanging baubles on this poor tree that should be out in nature and definitely not in this apartment  

“oh, cut it out, you grouch.” you scowl playfully, already fully aware as to why yoongi’s so grumpy today, “decorating is fun! and our presents are going to look so pretty under the tree-”

“y/n?” jungkook pokes his head out from the kitchen and you turn to look at him, “i’m gonna need you to help out with the gingerbread house. construction isn’t going great. there’s frosting everywhere and i ate most of the m&ms. and one of the gingerbread men is missing a head because i got hungry.”

“are you seri- i asked you to do one thing, kook-” you frown, jungkook smiling sheepishly before not so subtly popping an m&m into his mouth, “get back in the kitchen! i’ll join you in a second.”

jungkook pops back into the kitchen and you let out a hopeless little sigh before slowly turning to look at yoongi 

he pauses right as he’s about to sprinkle some more snow onto the branches and narrows his eyes at you, “…why are you looking at me like that?”

“will you finish decorating the tree while i help jungkook?” you turn to look at yoongi before pushing your bottom lip out in a pleading little pout, “please?” 

“what?? no way!” yoongi scowls, immediately dropping the bag of fake snow onto the floor with a thump, “the only reason why i agreed to do this was because it’s more bearable when we do it together- i’m not decorating this tree alone, that’s just pathetic-”

“aw, c’mon-”

“i’ll just wait for you to finish with the gingerbread house and then we’ll continue with the tree-”

“but we have to follow my schedule!” you whine, grabbing your notepad off the couch before pointing at the next thing on your list, “see? 1:00 to 2:00 - decorate the tree. 2:00 to 2:30 - hang the lights out on the balcony- and it’s already 1:30, yoon-”

“for the love of-” yoongi huffs, “okay, fine! fine, i’ll- i’ll decorate the damn tree alone.” yoongi snatches the box of baubles from you but the faintest of smiles twitches at his mouth when you lean in to squish an appreciative kiss to his cheek

the thought of completely burning the tree down while you’re gone briefly flits through his mind but he squashes that thought quickly

he’ll be good for you 

he can behave!

                                     »»————-　🎄   ————-««

“don’t eat the gum drops, i’ll be right-” you step out of the kitchen and your eyes widen to the size of saucers when you see yoongi floating in mid-air, carefully wrapping the christmas lights around the tree, “yoongi!” you hiss quietly, hurrying over to him before reaching up and wrapping your fingers around his ankle, “yoongi, what the hell are you doing-?!”

“i’m wrapping the damn tree in these lights and we don’t have a ladder-” yoongi wobbles a little when you give him another harsh yank and he glances down to see you looking warily at the kitchen door

heh

you’re... anxious.

he can feel wafting it in the air and it smells so good

maybe he can have a little bit of fun with this…

“so use a chair or something! yoongi, i thought we agreed that if jungkook was here that you wouldn’t do anything non-humany-!” you jump when yoongi suddenly drops the pile of lights into your arms before lying back and folding his arms behind his head

oh god

he’s not going to get down anytime soon

also the only reason why you haven’t told jungkook about the fact that yoongi is most definitely not from this world is because he would pass out from complete and utter petrification

you don’t know how he’s going to be able to handle a spawn of satan when the man is scared of fruit flies!!!!

you’re planning to keep everything a secret until the day you die

(you’re also hoping that the day you pop one of yoongi’s babies out that it doesn’t come out with tiny red horns on its head because you feel like jungkook wouldn’t take that very lightly)

“down. now!” you snap, bending down to set the lights down on the ground so you can go and follow yoongi, “i’m serious, yoongi!” 

“oh, relax.” yoongi sighs, “he’s in the kitchen, we’re in the living room…” you frown disapprovingly when he tilts his head back so that his face is right in front of yours before flashing you a grin, “now, why don’t you wipe that frown off your face and give me a kiss?” he purses his lips obnoxiously and squawks when you shovE your face into his hand

hey!

rude!!

“i’m not going to give you anything until you get down-”

“aw, but decorating the apartment would be so much easier if you just let me do my thing!” yoongi pushes himself all the way up so that he’s next to the ceiling fan, “i can even do some much needed dusting while i’m up here!”

“min yoongi, if you don’t get down right now-” you hop up onto the couch and reach up to grab his foot onLY for yoongi to pull his legs up and cross them, “you know exactly what you’re doing, you sadistic freak-”

“ooh, i love it when you get mouthy with me,” yoongi wiggles his eyebrows, chuckling to himself when you start hopping up and down to try to get closer to him, “it turns me on.”

“that means nothing to me because you get turned on by everything-” you grumble, your fingers barely brushing over his ankle as you keep trying to grab him, “like that one time you were watching me eat ice cream-”

“uhhhh, excuse me-” yoongi scoffs, rolling his eyes, “there was white cream dripping down your chin. obviously i got turned on-”

“hey, if you come down now, i promise to do that thing that you said you wanted to do…” you offer, looking up at yoongi with wide eyes before clasping your hands together, “c’mon… isn’t that a good deal?”

yoongi shakes his head and sticks his tongue out at you, “nice try, you scammer. i’m not falling for that again-”

your shoulders immediately drop and you watch helplessly as he floats over so that he’s near the kitchen door

you really wished that inheriting some of yoongi’s aura gave you the power to float as well

all it gave you was the ability to sometimes make your eyes go black

suRE your stamina in bed has improved significantly and you can keep your engine running from sunset to sunrise but that’s not as cool as FLOATING in mid-air

“do not.” you shoot yoongi a glare when he makes a motion to open the kitchen door

“what if i…” yoongi grins, pretending to knock against the door, “oh, look at your face! you don’t like that, do you? you poor, helpless little thing...” he coos, rolling over onto his back with a laugh

oh god

you haTE THIS

“you know i-” your heart practically drops out of your ass when the door suddenly swinGs open and jungkook steps out with frosting all over his hands

“okay, i know you said not to touch anything, but one of the walls were starting to droop so i thought i’d reinforce it with a little more frosting, buT i squeezed too hard and the bag exploded-”

you swallow thickly when yoongi lowers himself a little all while maintaining strong eye contact with you, propping his chin up on his palm before the corners of his mouth turn up in a grin

you ball your hands into tight fists when yoongi blinks and his pupils turn into thin red slits

great! now his creepy demon eyes are out!

okay

you know what?

it’s fine

relax!

you know he’s taunting you on purpose but it’s not like he’s actually going to do anything-

“DON’T-!” you jump off the couch when yoongi wiggles his fingers directly above jungkook’s head, a couple tendrils of his hair starting to float upwards

“okay, jeez!” jungkook raises both hands in defence before scoffing lightly, “i said i’d offer to help clean up but since you obviously don’t want my help then maybe you can get yoongi to help-“ jungkook pauses, glancing over by the tree, “hey, where’d he go? i heard his voice like a second before i came out-”

“he’s dead!” you blurt out, jungkook’s eyes widening immediately

(improvisation has never been one of your strong suits)

yoongi lies down on his back before crossing his arms over his chest and closing his eyes, all while floating mere inches above jungkook’s head 

“i mean… he’s… dead-finitely in the washroom.” you correct yourself, trying to hide the complete and utter angeR on your face when yoongi peels open one eye before turning his head and blowing a silent kiss at you, “because he… had to pee. like any other normal human being does when their bladder is full.” 

“that was a very... non-human being way to answer a question.” jungkook snorts, “what’s wrong with you?”

“i just... don’t want you to get your grubby frosting hands anywhere!” you clear your throat, letting out a sheepish chuckle before rushing over to jungkook, “why don’t you start cleaning up and i’ll join you in a sec?”

“but my hands are still covered in frosting-”

“uh-huh, sounds good!” you slap your hands down on jungkook’s shoulders before spinning him around and practically shoVing him back into the kitchen

you close the door before looking up so you can grab yoongi by the collar and pull him-  

?

yoongi is… no longer there. 

the christmas lights on the tree flicker before buzzing out 

okay

so he wants to play games, does he?

“yoongi?” you spin around quickly before walking forwards cautiously, carefully inspecting every inch of the room for any sign of your nightmare of a boyfriend

you jump in surprise when a bauble suddenly falls off the tree and bounces on the floor before rolling over to your feet 

“you think you’re so funny, don’t you?” you mumble, bending down to pick it up before gently placing it down on the coffee table 

i’m fucking hilarious, baby. i like to think that’s part of the reason as to why you love me so much. 

“what the-!” you jolt at the sound of yoongi’s voice suddenly echoing in your head 

the last time he was in your head like this was when you summoned him for the first time which was definitely a while ago 

you forgot how weird it was to hear his voice inside your head

“i certainly don’t love you right now, i can say that for sure.” you grumble, “it’s safe to say that i actually hate you right now-” 

you look really sexy when you’re mad at me. why don’t you meet me in the bathroom for a quickie? jungkook will never know. i’ll even cover your mouth with my hand so he won’t hear anything.

you look over quickly when the door to the guest bathroom suddenly creaks open 

ahA 

“yeah, i’ll meet you in the bathroom... to kick your ass-” you storm over, kicking the door open only to see that there’s no one in there, “and then when i’m done kicking your ass, i’m gonna kick your ass again-”

ooh, are we finally experimenting with pain now? i can definitely get into that. i can use your bobby pins as makeshift nipple clamps. 

“you are infuriating!” you snap, placing your hands on your hips and looking up at the ceiling 

you know that being playful is just part of yoongi’s nature but good GOD 

sometimes you just want to strangle him

and not in the kinky way 

at this point it looks like you’re going to have to pull out what might be the most predictable trick in your book but you’re desperate here

you need to sort this out before jungkook comes out to see you talking to yourself like a crazy person 

yeah, that’s right. keep thinking about how annoying i am and how much that pisses you off. angry sex is super hot. 

“oh yeah?” you stroll towards the middle of the living room, taking your time to do so, “you think so?” 

hell yeah. i want you to be on top, too. i love the view.  

“i’ll do... whatever you want me to do...” you trail off, eyes flickering around the room for any sign of movement, “but if you don’t come out in the next five seconds, it’s just going to be you and your hand for the next five days- oh-!” 

it’s only a second later that you’re suddenly being pummelled into from behind

you definitely would’ve fallen face first onto the floor if it wasn’t for yoongi wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, “finally! there you are-” 

“depriving me of sex during the holidays??” yoongi whines, digging his fingers into your waist, “now look who’s being the asshole-”

see??

oldest trick in the book but it still works like a charm :’) 

christmas with cee 2020 masterlist

[fanficimagery]

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner [Part 2 of 2]

Summary: Imagine being the “baby” of the group. Now imagine celebrating your 21st birthday with the squad.

Words: 3.5K Warnings: You guys peer pressured me into writing pt. 2! I swear I wasn’t going to write this, but well.. I had a little too much to drink New Year’s Eve and here you go. Sorry if it sucks. Sequels are never good.

Also.. this took an unexpected turn. I’m not even a sorry. 

Days before your party was to take place that your friends have planned for you, David calls you over to his house. You have nothing better to do, so you stop by to pick up some Chipotle before making your way over. Then when you get there, you're in the middle of kicking off your shoes when Natalie takes the food from your hands and Josh Peck rounds the corner. You've met him a couple of times, but it still blows your mind every time he addresses you.

"Alright, Baby, you should know the drill by now." He pulls a blindfold from his back pocket and your stomach drops. His smile widens at your nervous expression.

"Nooo." You whine, backing up for every step Josh takes in your direction. "Fuck you guys." You can hear David laughing, his laughter only getting louder as he rounds the corner with his camera. "You are not putting a scaly reptile on me. No. Fuck you, David."

"Baby!" He laughs. "Come on. Everyone but you has done it."

"I'm not about to die! I thought you guys wanted to party," you then pout at him. "Why do you hate me so much?"

"Dammit, Baby, just put the blindfold on!" Zane shouts from the other room.

"God I hate you guys."

"Lies." Josh gleefully blindfolds you when he realizes you're not going to fight it anymore, and then he ends up behind you with his hands on your shoulders to guide you. "Cheer up. You're gonna love this."

"Yeah? Well I'd probably love it more if I wasn't blindfolded and paranoid about instant death."

Your friends all laugh and then Josh guides you someplace, stopping where they want you. They tell you all who is present- David, Natalie, Josh, Heath, Mariah, and Zane- and your anxiety only rises as you can hear gasping and shushed giggling.

"Okay so what you're going to do," David starts to explain, "is hold your arms out at your sides. Then we'll guide your arms from there."

"If I get bit or attacked or whatever, you're dead, Davie."

He giggles. "You're not going to get attacked."

"Well.."

You immediately wrap your arms around yourself, stepping back at the unfamiliar voice. "Nope. Not doing it. You heard Stranger Danger, there's a possibility that whatever you're surprising me with will attack me."

Everyone laughs, but then Mariah's soothing, trusting voice pipes up. "Come on, Baby. Trust me when I say there's nothing to worry about." She grabs your hands and spreads your arms out. "Now just breathe and let it happen."

You groan but then go as lax as you possibly can. One moment everything is good and then next small, thin arms are being placed around your neck. You immediately tense, fisting your hands tightly. "No, no, no. Fuck you guys. What is that?" A heavy weight then settles against your chest and stomach, and your friends grab your arms. "Get it off. David, get it off." Your friends start cackling.

"Baby." Heath chuckles. "Open your hands. You need to cradle it."

"Fuck off, Heath. You cradle it!" Someone snorts, but then they're prying your hands open and making you cradle whatever is hanging around your neck. "I'm gonna die. This is it. This is how I go out."

"If it bites you, you get to bite David," Natalie says, giggling.

"Hey!"

Whatever they've made you hold has really course hair and you're super uncomfortable. But then the blindfold comes off and after letting your eyes readjust to the room lighting, you look down into the face of.. a sloth.

"Oh my god." Your eyes immediately tear up. "Oh my god! This is- it's a-"

"Surprise!" David laughs. "We know you've always wanted to hold one, so.."

"Oh my god. I love it so much." You nuzzle the sloth with your nose, silently crying as your friends all laugh. The caretaker- whose name is apparently John- hand feeds the animal grape halves. "It's so cute."

"That is honestly the ugliest animal I've ever seen," Zane says, shaking his head.

"I honestly can't believe you're crying," Mariah says. "I knew you'd love it, but not this much."

"You're lucky this isn't a baby otter. I'd be a blubbering mess if it were."

"Dammit!" David remarks. "I knew I should have gone with the otter."

You smile, using one hand to support the sloth's bottom while you run your other hand up and down it's back. "If you get me one of those baby wrap carriers, we can strap the sloth to my chest and I'll walk around in public telling everyone who stares that it's inappropriate to stare at my really hairy baby and will likely make him grow up with insecurities."

David laughs, beaming. "Let's do it."

The day of your party, you're in the middle of an outfit crisis when Matt shows up and tosses a bag at you. "The boys voted and they do not want an outfit repeat of your actual birthday." You snort as the blonde chuckles. "So we all got together and put together an outfit for you."

"Oh no." You groan and start to dig through tissue paper in the bag. "You guys probably chose footie pajamas or something." Then pulling out a black long sleeve crop top and a pair of black ripped skinny jeans, you grin. "Oh. I can work with this."

He chuckles. "You're welcome." Matt then follows you into your room, he lounging on your bed as you gather undergarments for your shower. "Don't dawdle in there, Baby. We gotta be at David's in an hour."

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

          - X - X - X - X - X -

When you show up to David's, you let them go through with the show of blindfolding you and escorting you inside. The party is not a surprise, but David's viewers don't know that so you film it as if it were. But really, the surprise you show as your friends all pop black and gold confetti blasters when you enter the living room is genuine.

"Oh thank god," is the first thing Heath says when he hugs you. "I was nervous you wouldn't agree to our outfit and we'd have to slap Todd and Ilya upside the head all night for staring."

You laugh. "You boys really need to stop being overprotective."

"Never."

"What's going to happen when I decide to date?"

"We'll get Jeff to kick his ass."

"Shut up."

You make your rounds hugging every one of your friends in the room, letting David then lead you to the back yard. Three very attractive fire dancers greet you, they putting on a performance that leaves your jaw dropping open in awe.

"Here. Hold this. I wanna try," David says. He passes over his camera and asks for one of the large wooden batons, he then twirling the flaming stick almost expertly. Almost.

You video him, grinning. "Hey, Davie, stick to your day job and let the fire dancers have their baton back."

He laughs. "You're so mean to me, Baby."

"It's only because I adore you."

           - X - X - X - X - X -

You take shots with everyone, you letting them serenade you with an awful rendition of Happy Birthday and then nurse a bottle of Corona with a wedge of lime shoved down the bottle's neck.

You grind with the girls, singing and laughing and letting them keep you hydrated in between all the alcohol the boys keep pushing on you.

Jeff and Todd take turns herding you into a corner when they catch you dancing with the opposite sex, David giggling as he records the guys standing on either side of you with their arms crossed over their chests while they stare down other males.

Soon enough you end up back at David's side, sipping some water and smiling tiredly at his camera.

"Having fun, Baby?"

"Duh." You hip check him. "I always have fun when you're involved."

David giggles and presses closer to you, he angling the camera so it catches the both of you. Then addressing his would-be viewers, he says, "So I know I already surprised Baby with a sloth, but there was another present that I just couldn't pass up when the opportunity presented itself."

"What? David, no! You've already done so much for me."

A familiar tune that you know all too well because it's by one of your favorite artists starts to play, but you don't pay it much mind. David, however, merely beams at you and points the camera directly in your face, and laughs with the tip of his tongue stuck between his teeth.

Familiar words are then sung, but you're too caught up in a staring competition. After a few more moments, your mind recognizes that the music doesn't sound like the album version. It sounds live.

"And all the kids cried out, please stop you're scaring me. I can't help this awful energy. Goddamn right you should be scared of me. Who is in control?"

Your brow furrows and then widen, and your head turns so fast that David cackles. "DAVID!" You then whip around to stare at your friend. "Fuckin' Halsey?! What the fuck!?"

"Surprise! Happy birthday, Baby." Your expression crumples and he laughs some more. "Don't cry!"

"Shut up, you asshole. This is all your fault." You step closer to him, shoving your face into the side of his neck as your arms wrap around his waist in a hug. "You're seriously the best, bub."

"I know. Now go have fun. Mariah looks seconds away from having an aneurysm. No one, other than Natalie, knew I got Halsey to come here."

Stepping away from him, you sniffle some as your teary eyes meet his. "I adore you, Dobrik. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"I adore you too."

David watches as Baby joins the crowd, singing along with Halsey and just enjoying her time. As he records from afar and looks for any of his friends acting like fools, Jason sidles up to him.

"Halsey, huh? So when are you going to tell Baby you're in love with her?"

"What?! I'm not.. in love with Baby." David looks at Jason, hands holding his camera to his chest. At his best friend's expression, David's smile falters. "Come on, man. It's Baby. I'm not about to ruin anything between us."

Jason shakes his head. "How do you know it'll end up in ruins? Baby could be the one you're with for a very long time."

David shrugs. "It's Baby. None of us are good enough for her."

Jason watches as his young friend looks back out at the girl he obviously adores, he sighing and clamping down on David's shoulder. "For what it's worth, she looks at you the same way you look at her. You never know how something will pan out unless you give it a try."

As Jason walks away, David stares one last time at Baby before moving on to film the boys. There's just no way he can chance what he has with Baby.

But that doesn't mean his friends won't do it for them.

A few days later and it feels like you're still recovering from your party. David has surprisingly uploaded the video of your sloth surprise and the party, and you can't believe how many times he caught you saying fight me, you little bitch every time someone attempted to take your drink away or annoyed you. Natalie, Ilya, and Jonah were the unlucky three, they being the ones you attempted to fight when you weren't occupied by someone else.

It's nearing ten in the morning when your phone dings with an email, and since you're in between jobs and waiting to hear back from a few places, you immediately open it. Only the email is from Natalie and you're confused as to why she's emailing you instead of texting.

[Hey Baby, attached is some unedited video footage I thought you should see. David might actually kill me, but then again he might thank me. Both of you will. Text me when you're done.]

Clicking on the link attached, you watched the footage Natalie thought so important for you to see. It's of your party and the moment David surprised you with Halsey. You have to pause the video when the adoration shining in David's eyes catches you off guard, and you spend a couple of minutes just thinking what if. Your crush on David had completely caught you off guard and you blame those damn diamond studs he pierced his ears with on Black Friday. But David is David and you're you, and there's no possible way you can ruin that.

Hitting play on the video, you watch the rest in shocked silence. David zooming in on your ecstatic expression, Jason coming up to him and claiming David being in love with you, and David not denying it.

"Holy shit." Exiting out of the video, you bring up your texting app and create a new group chat. Heart now hammering, you text out a 911 to Natalie, Corinna, Mariah, Kristen, Carly, Erin, and Suzy. You tell them to meet you at a local cafe where they serve some great brunch and then hurriedly throw on some clothes nearly suitable for public.

You need to talk about this video clip as soon as possible.

           - X - X - X - X - X -

Sitting in the cafe with an iced coffee and a half eaten breakfast sandwich, you anxiously await the arrival of your girls. Natalie is the first to get there, she grinning knowingly as she goes to place her own order before taking a seat at the table with you.

Carly, Erin, and Suzy all show up together, followed by Corinna, then Mariah and Kristen. The girls are all eager to know what's going on, but Natalie takes charge and tells them to order what they're going to order before getting down to business.

So while the girls all settle down, you sit there with your right knee bouncing anxiously under the table and front teeth clamped down on the straw of your drink.

"Okay so what's going on?" Kristen wonders.

Natalie smirks as everyone slowly digs into their brunch and you can't help the following words that leave your mouth. "I'm in love with David."

Corinna swallows wrong and chokes on her bite of food, and Suzy cackles at the following that takes place.

"I knew it!" Mariah points a finger at Natalie. "Didn't I tell you?"

Carly and Erin exchange money, Carly clearly the victorious one in whatever bet they had going on.

"What the hell brought this on?" Corinna finally asks, sipping on her orange juice.

"It's all Natalie's fault!" You then blurt. As all gazes dart to your friend, you slump in your seat with a small sigh. "She sent me a video clip that David cut out from the final product of his latest vlog. Jason confronts him about telling me he's in love with me and David- well he doesn't deny his feelings."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Mariah asks.

You shrug. "I don't know! On one hand I kind of want someone to tell David I like him and see if he makes a move, but on the other I agree with David. Why ruin what we already have by trying for something more?"

Erin smiles sadly. "I get that you're scared, but what if by being scared you're ruining any chance of happiness with David? We're young, Baby. This is the time to fall in love, make mistakes, and fall in love again. But who knows, maybe falling in love with David isn't a mistake? Give him a chance, Baby. I think I speak on behalf of everyone here when I say we're rooting for you."

"Do it, Baby," Corinna says. "It's about time that boy gets some action."

This time it's your turn to choke and the girls all laugh at your misfortune. "I hate you." Then looking at Natalie, you ask, "Was anyone else at the house?"

"Nope. David was just lounging in his room and going through footage for his second channel."

"Okay. Okay," you then say again after taking a moment to think. "Everyone steer clear of David's. I think me and him need to have a chat."

           - X - X - X - X - X -

Showing up to David's with some In-N-Out, you call out for him once you enter and kick off your shoes.

"In my room!"

You nervously make your way towards David's bed, smiling when you see him sitting up against the headboard and his laptop cushioned on his lap. "I bring good food."

His own smile brightens as he sets his laptop aside, he making grabby hands for the bag in your hand. "You are the best, Baby."

"Duh. Now make some room. We need to talk."

"Uh oh. This sounds serious."

"It is," you chuckle. "Somewhat. Don't worry, bub. You're not in trouble."

"Oh. Okay then."

As you plop down on the empty side of David's bed, you pull one of his pillows into your lap and take your phone out of your back pocket. David digs into his food and you bring up the video Natalie had sent you.

"So what'd you want to talk about?" He asks after eating half his burger.

"Now don't get mad or shut me out," you start, anxiously biting the bottom corner of your lip, "but I kind of want to talk about this." You hit play on your phone and watch David's expression slowly fall as he realizes what you have.

"Baby," he sighs. "I can explain."

"It seems our friends really want us together." David cleans his hands off on a napkin as you then admit, "You do know Natalie wouldn't have showed me this unless my feelings were mutual. Right?"

"Natalie is- wait, what?"

David's head whips in your direction, gaze darting over your expression for any sign of deceit. "Apparently we both suck at hiding our feelings if our friends were able to figure it out and push us towards each other. Carly and Erin even had a bet going."

He laughs. "Goddammit."

"This is really awkward for me, in case you can't tell," you say, nervously plucking at invisible lent on his pillow. "I'm terrible at admitting my feelings and talking about them, but yeah. I like you too. A lot."

"Baby-"

"And it's all because of those damn earrings you put in your ears on Black Friday. I was fine being your friend and then BAM! You get your ears pierced and I'm suddenly wanting to climb you like a-"

"Baby!" David laughs some more, startling you. "You're rambling."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. It's really adorable."

When you meet his gaze, you can't help but blush under his adoring stare. You groan, chuckling, and scoot down in his bed until you're flat on your back and pulling the blanket over your face. "God why am I so awkward?"

"Hey, we're both awkward." You can feel David shifting, he maneuvering himself so he's laid out beside you, supporting his weight on one elbow as he slightly leans over you. Then pulling the blanket off your face, he says, "We can be awkward together. That is if you want."

You stare up at him, gaze darting over every inch of his face. His smile falters, but you reach up and gently brush his hair out of his eyes. "I kind of really want," you tell him. "Promise that if things don't pan out, we'll still be friends?"

"We'll always be friends, Baby," he muses. "Always. Now can I at least kiss you before you start talking about us not working out?"

You laughing sets off David laughing, and you have no idea where the sudden burst of confidence comes from that has you leaning up and pressing your lips against his. All talking ceases and your heart swells when David pushes you down onto the bed in order to lean further over you.

Then after a few moments of testing the waters, he pulls back and gulps. "I think we can work with this."

"Mhm. Definitely." You agree. David snorts and you gently push him away. "Now finish your food so we can nap. I woke up early and then had one hell of a morning, and I kind of just want to cuddle you."

He mockingly gasps. "What will the others think?"

"Screw the others," you huff. "I'm pretty sure the girls all texted the boys by now, but I told the girls to steer clear of the house. Lets get as much sleep as we can before the boys show up and grill you about corrupting me."

Expression slowly crumpling, David collapses on the bed next to you. "Fuck. They're going to have a field day with this."

"Yep." Snuggling down, you pull the blanket up to your chin and close your eyes.

"Is it too late to book a flight somewhere and just enjoy us before they start messing with me?"

You giggle. "Buck up, bub. It won't be so bad."

[belovasangel]

Come Back to Me

Summary: Shawn missing big events leaves to beautiful memories and Christmas miracles

Pairing: Shawn x fem!Nurse!Reader

Warnings: swearing, light angst, fluff, flashback heavy, holiday feelings 

A/N: Yup. Surprise. Also flashbacks are in italics, per usual. Also I am not Canadian so I don’t know if y’all celebrate Remembrance Day. For the sake of this story, pretend that it’s the equivalent to Thanksgiving.

Shawn took your hand as you barreled down the sidewalk, laughs flying past you in the wind. Tonight had been a perfect date, something great to wrap the summer up, full of time alone with your favorite guy (and your favorite wine). He had been planning this for weeks now, and you can even remember him talking about this back in June when his tour had been announced. The pandemic put a damper on your two’s plans since March, but once the numbers started decreasing did he get calls from managers, and then... there was another world tour. You weren’t mad, music was his passion. Even though you two would be wrapped in each other’s arms after a lovely night, you could tell behind his eyes he longed to play the guitar for different cities. 

That’s why tonight was so important, because he started packing and planning, then he would leave on Wednesday for Prague. And of course, your job needed you in Toronto. While Canada hasn’t experienced any significantly alarming numbers, there were still cases rolling in. You insisted that Shawn goes on tour, so much that you had to pay for his first ticket yourself (he payed you back, though. He insisted). 

Shawn skidded to a stop, turning around and putting his hands on your shoulders. “Now promise me you’re gonna close your eyes, just for a few seconds.”

You huffed and shrugged your shoulders, “Shawn I’m out of breathe, you made me run in heels for about half a mile... Give me 5 minutes instead.” With a quick chuckle, he pecked your lips and turned you around. You heard his shuffling from those black boots he wears to rubble, then decided to look around. He somehow managed to find a quaint park, with a nice bubbling fountain and family’s scattered around. Dogs were running a lit in the distance, and the bustle of the city wasn’t nearly as booming as it usually is. This was nice.

“Okay, turn around.”

With a giggle, you turned around to see Shawn on one knee. Behind him was a tree strung with lights that were glowing, and underneath the tree was champagne and a radio playing your two’s song, Turning the Page (Yeah, we know it’s from Twilight, but that doesn’t stop it from being any less romantic). He was kneeled on a red and white picnic blanket, the typical one you’d see in catalogues for fall. On the blanket were rose petals scattered. 

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), you have changed my life for the better. The moment you saw me in the E.R., and had to take care of my broken hand, I knew you were just as kind and gentle as you looked. Once you let me in, and take you on that shitty first date, I got to see the real you. The you that cries during every Disney movie, the you that would bring me breakfast in bed when I had a rough day, the you that would rescue a damn pigeon off the street because it looked sad. You are the most sincere, selfless, and intelligent woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I don’t want ever want to stop or slow down. You have become my life and my rock, I’m completely lost without you. I am utterly in love with you, (Y/N). I want us to have a family, I want to make an album for you, and everything in between. Will you please marry me?”

You shuddered awake, looking quickly at your blaring alarm from the end table. Picking it up and turning it off, the time read 4:25 A.M., signaling it was time to get ready for work. You got up, and went to open the blinds to your bedroom, watching the snow fall steadily. Slipping on your socks and bathrobe, you shuffled to the kitchen to get a cup of tea brewing before you hit the shower. 

Mornings like this weren’t incredibly tough anymore, once Shawn was gone on tour. He face-timed you once a week because of tour, sent you letters and packages from your favorite cities, and even had roses delivered on your birthday. And of course, he always said, “Lemme see it. I wanna see you wear that pretty ring. There it is, there she is, soon-to-be Mrs. Mendes.”

Slipping in the hot shower, you played some of his songs, some of your regular playlists, and when you were throwing on your outfit, your two’s song. You missed Shawn. He had missed your two’s favorite holiday, Halloween, where you two always did the cheesy couple costumes. He missed your birthday, but he sent his family in place. He missed Remembrance Day, because in Europe that wasn’t a thing. And tomorrow is Christmas, where he has no sign of coming home whatsoever. That’s fine, though, because you took the long shift at the hospital.

When the song came to an end, you threw on your coat and snow boots, grabbing all the food and equipment you would need for a 12-hour and began to head out. Shawn sent you his daily vlog and you watched that on the shuttle. Once that was over, you got to the hospital where you would forget about your slightly more aching heart. After work, the routine would basically go in reverse. Commute home, get back into your pajama’s, drink some tea, get dinner, and go to bed, where you would have a restless night in an empty bed.

“When do you think we should have the wedding?”

Shawn looked over, a piece of popcorn hanging onto his lip like a lifeline. His cheeks were flushed and he still looked a little sweaty from the show he just played at TD Garden. He knew you were doing the planning to keep yourself from descending into madness (well, not entirely, but you only brought it up when you really missed him). “I think we should do a summer/fall sort of wedding, like when the leaves are red but it isn’t freezing by 5, ya know?”

You hummed in agreement, a smile picking at the corners of your mouth. “I completely agree. Do you want it to be outdoors then, because of the leaves?”

Shawn took another few things of popcorn from the bag and popped them into his swollen lips, he always licked them when he was frustrated by how a show went, or just when his mind was reeling. “I think we should get married outdoors, and then have the reception indoors. Kind of like-”

“Twilight...”

You both looked at the screen and snorted, sending both of you into fits of hysteria. “Shawn, we really base our relationship off of those books, didn’t we?” He looked over, licking his lips once again. “Explain, babe. I get a little bit, but our whole relationship?”

You shuffled in the bed a little bit, “Hear me out, Shawn-y boy. We met when you were hurt and I had to save you, or more-so your career. Edward saved Bella from the car, right? Right. So, there’s that. Then that girl who you worked on the album with tried to get you on the few dates, but that was long after we were official. Boom, Jacob plot line. Then you leave me for your first tour, which I get 100%, so don’t be upset over that. But the girl you worked with saw you kind of sad and made it her mission to befriend you and then attempt to change your mind over me... And our song is the one from their wedding, and we want an outdoors-y wedding.....”

Shawn looked at the screen, then back to the popcorn leaking butter in his hands. “Damn. So you’re saying that I’m Bella?” You began to shake your head, cheeks turning red. “Maybe I meant that wrong, but-”

“No, no you’re saying I’m Bella. Does that mean I get to wear the dress? I cannot wait to get married with no emotions and then have the ugliest CGI baby in the history of cinematics. Aren’t you so excited for that, my love?”

“Absolutely thrilled.”

The alarm on your phone blared once again, pulling you from Shawn. You picked up the phone, getting a few “Merry Christmas” texts from family and friends. You assumed Shawn was out partying with his crew mates, plus it must’ve been a busy day altogether. Turning off the alarm and standing, you pulled on the slippers and followed your routine again. 

Once it got to 6:07, and still no text from Shawn, you decided to call him. Immediately, you were sent to voicemail. With a sigh, you waited for voicemail.

“Hey bubs, Merry Christmas! I miss you more than ever, it’s snowing here pretty rough. I know you’d probably go outside right about now and insist to make a snowman or some angels, so that might be a mission for me after work. Um, I wanted to let you know that I love you so much, and I hope you’re having fun on tour... The apartment isn’t the same without you here, especially around this time. You’re probably having fun with your friends and I don’t wanna intrude on that, so I’ll hang up. I love you Shawn, be careful. Stay safe, come back to me soon. Bye.”

Wiping the tear that fell down your cheek, you stepped outside your apartment, hopped into the elevator and began the commute to your shift. You got to work on record time, beginning your patient rounds and vitals, then celebrating with the coworkers. Working 6:30 AM-9:30 PM would be a tough one, but whatever to keep you under that roof. Plus, double-time because of the holiday.

Once it hit 9:30, you booked it out of the hospital and onto the shuttle. Your eyes were barely open as you saw the texts from Shawn.

(Shawn) 7:59 AM: Hey babe, I’m so sorry I didn’t answer your call! I can’t wait to see your face tonight, you still up for FaceTime?

(Shawn) 9:26 AM: I bet you’re busy, but I’m gonna be in a few conferences and doing press so I won’t be able to talk for a while. Love you!

(Shawn) 3:14 PM: (Y/N) I don’t think we can FaceTime tonight, I have to do something for a fan and it’s really important. I am so sorry.

(Shawn) 8:44 PM: Are you mad at me or are you still working?

(Shawn) 9:32 PM: Something is waiting for you at home, it’s your gift. I hope this can make up for the call!

You hopped out of the shuttle, heart feeling extra heavy as you walked into the apartment. The string lights and streamers along the walls were taunting you as the elevator brought you to your floor, and you tried to compose yourself until you would get inside. Stepping up to your door, you looked for the present, to no avail.

(Y/N) 9:45 PM: Shawn I don’t see a package

(Shawn) 9:45 PM: Mom must’ve brought it inside, I’m sure it’s there.

With a huff, you shoved the key into the door, and walked inside. Chucking your purse and coat onto the hooks, while flinging off your shoes, you composed yourself enough to look for the package. If he got it express-shipped it had to be good. Checking the kitchen was no luck, and the living room looked normal. 

(Shawn) 9:48 PM: Bedroom, babe

With a gasp, you quickly buzzed to the bedroom, and laid your hand on the door. You stopped, hesitant to what was behind the door. What if it isn’t him? Taking a deep breath, you dismissed the negative thought and opened.

The room was filled with lit tea lights, rose petals on the bed and the floor, and Shawn. He was standing there in that chunky-white knit sweater you loved, with flushed cheeks and watery eyes, holding a bouquet of flowers, and your favorite song playing softly in the background.

You gasped, running into his arms with a squeal and sob, him mimicking the sound. He held onto the small of your back, and one hand on the back of your neck, and you felt his tears falling onto your skin. “I missed you so much, (Y/N). You don’t even know.” He pulled back slightly pressing his lips to yours in a soft embrace.

After a minute of kissing, you pulled back. “Merry Christmas, Shawn.”

“Merry Christmas, (Y/N).”

[miaxeu]

      though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, MIA STOEGER is actually a descendent of DIONYSUS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-ONE year old MYTHOLOGICAL STUDIES MAJOR from LOS ANGELES, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite CHARISMATIC & DUPLICITOUS. 

( y’all dont deserve this real messy intro but im workin w half a bwain cell at 4am so i beg thee 4 mercy. nywyy im the excited new girl who’s hella pumped to meet all ur charas : katya ! feel free to hop in my ims to plot or drop a like and i’ll hop in urs ! x  )

POWERS

natural acting abilities — her ma’s a hollywoo agent so she started actin real early & now shes a big shot actress. there r more deetz on her career below !

chlorokinesis — it wasnt as natural as acting n she only started working on it when she turned 13 n started going to camps. b4 she just noticed shes good w plants but it wasnt super crazy or nything. its p good now tho ! shes prioritizing vine binding and manipulation 4 the self defense bc awards r cool n all but they dont rlly protecc from monsters ykwim 

levitation — shes trying her best ur honor

alcokinesis  — she cant conjure it or anything, she’s just immune to it ffff

BIO POINTS — cw: drug use ( full biography here )

her mom raised her by herself bc dionysus the party god was out of the picture immediately. she never told mia she’s a demigod & it was always just “ wow ur so talented ” or “ aww u got a green thumb ! ” but when she saw him claim 13 y/o mia by placing a weird hologram over her head while she slept, she knew she had to spill da beanz & tell her kid

ofc mia thought her mom was jus playing sum weird acting exercise w her bc her powers r so lowkey she could highkey just be a Mortal but insert sad whistle, the realizashun & the claiming meant heightened monster threat !! so yea ,,, one ended up chasing her a couple days later rip 

aside from the trauma, mia was ok. mostly bc she ended up cryin for dionysus like any child would n lo & behold he came & helped !!! as he should. nywy she made sure to go to summer camps every year after that but mostly just for protection purposes

she lowkey rlly hates this whole god business esp now that shes grown lmfao deadass thinks she got a bad deal bc life threats arent sexy !!! went to eonia eventually bc its Too Much Man. she just wants to go back to work and her life w the mortals w/o worryin for her life. would deadass fade her father if she could. may or may not be majoring in greek mythology to figure out the logistics of it all out of spite, who knows !

PERSONALITY

not ! a Drama Queen  —  dont get me wrong, shes hella Extra in the way she moves n acts sorta like shes always bein captured on film. is quick-witted & playful & can be a huge tease/flirt if she feels like it, but miss her w Real Feelings ! totally not sentimental. srsly she will try to rationalize away everything and is just,.,., not good w it. so soz folks, we just keepin it breezy here

ugh, she’s an Actress — aka she can act like she cares tho ! shes very much into keeping ppl on her good side. shes friendly n palatable to everyone bc its how shes been trained & while it doesnt seem fake, its def diff when its genuine

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known —  lemme circle back to the first one, ok so shes good w emotions but only in theory. does intense character work with her roles so she thinks that counts as her having eq when rlly shes just emotionally stunted, projecting n repressing like an idiot

blonde, skinny, rich, & a lil bit of a Bitch — shes only a bitch inwardly or to ppl she trusts enuff to let in on the gossip. if anyone full on opposes her or becomes real emotional, then this lil diva will rear its superiority complex head n snap a lil. will most probably do it v underhandedly n w a smile but it will be Brutal

girls just wanna have FUN ! — shes the child of da party god, so ofc she a true party girl. officially off the rails when she parties. inhibitions ? we dk her. can be insensitive in that case bc smtms its truly no strings attached, tis all abt the fun. likes company a lot & it doesnt even have 2 be loud or particularly abt her, she just likes having people around n the escapism of it all. will make friends with everyone n make sure they have a jolly fun time guaranteed at dionysus parties 

Work Hard, Play Hard — real responsible when it comes to work and commitments and if she trusts/likes u enough, she’ll give it 2 u straight, no bs. def thinks Calling Out is an act of love but maybe does it a lil too harshly smtms. v much into efficiency, sentiments be damned. not the feely words type. will sit next to u or party w u or even pay 4 ur therapist if u need sum1 to talk to. she will Be There while u work thru it, so long as u dont expect her to change n be all emotional n stuff

if she seems a lil contradictory thats bc she kinda is. tis the good ol nurture vs nature. her ma’s a real no nonsense chick n her pops is a frat guy drama geek greek god whos rlly into cottagecore so u get this lil blonde bitch whos sorta teetering on the edges

OTHER INFO  — cw: drug use ( full headcanons here )

re her career, she achieved pegot status when she was 18 aka she truly b dat bitch. shes not super mainstream famous tho, more like indie sweetheart, film snobs/critics fave typa gal. if ya want a trajectory she started w baby commercials then a sitcom from 4-10 ( think modern fam’s lily ) then it was off to the big screen & the stage ! 

mia has a lil bit of a drug habit. its not abusive or dependent, but it is a staple whenever shes parties bc alcohol is useless 2 her. started a lil young too bc hollywoo. primarily uppers/hallucinogens. she smokes weed a lil more liberally but the rest is mostly just an on occasion thing ( which, ngl, is a still a lil problematic when u party a lot rip )

after she got claimed, mia ended up going to demigod camps in a lot of diff places n countries, depending on where production would take her. there was never an established place, more like wherever was nearest when they wrapped up shooting bc monsters afoot n wutnot  

she was always homeschooled but she still managed to go to a prom and homecoming bc party is life. that makes eonia uni p much her first chance at having a normal educational environment & experience and even then its anything but. still tho this is her moment !!! im lit rally begging her to get a personality that isnt her internally rolling her eyes going “ its not that deep ”

might put up a bio/stats page if im feelin sxc but i wud jus like the records to show that mia stoeger is a bi sxc babe bc me ? write a het ? no grassy ass.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS — cw: drug use ( full connections here )

omg danny devito i love ur work ! 

,,, p self explanatory sdkjfs sum1 who loves her work ! it can be lowkey/highkey fangirl to a civil admiration

OR alternatively, y/m can Not Be a fan of her work. they might think the storyline of the projects she takes on r too out of touch n highbrow yada yada yada, but yes, we love to see either of it ! 

summer camp sweetheart !  

someone she met when at camp when they were teens ? doesnt matter in what country/city, but mia was only visiting so it was truly a one summer romance typa thing. bc she was younger, im thinkin 13-17 or w/e she was probably sweeter n a lot more emotional then. was it either’s first puppy love ? first kiss ? first “ relationship ? ” idk, do yk ? truly, so many possibilities. nothin set in stone just hmu bub 

summer camp pals ! 

p much the same as above but make it Platonic

party buddies !

or druggie pals. either way works but she wud luv it if theyre both xoxo

friends w benefits !

most probably ( but not limited to ) sum1 she met at a party skdjhsjk is it exclusive ? is any1 starting to develop feelings ? im down 4 nthing n evrything

alexa play true friend by hannah montana !

give mia her college bestie ! her confidant who knows her feels and can call each other out viciously with no ounce of resentment. we stan the friendships !

omg i love ur skirt !

that is the ugliest effing skirt i've ever seen. lmao basically sum1 mia pretends to like or acts civil w but rlly ,,,, Cannot Stand for w/e rzn   

im p much braindead rn but those are just sum ideas !!! ofc the usual staples like the pals, enemies, wutnots are also v welcome we love to see it. if u also have a wc that u think mia would fit in, id luv to know more ! there are also a couple more detailed ones here, but pls feel free to shoot me a msg n we can get 2 plotting x 

( * wipes brow * how did i type so much n say so little rip. mia is also a completely new muse so pls b patient n if i fuq up from time to time, pretend u do not see >.< nywy thnx 4 readin, sweets ! feel free to hmu here or at discord if ya wanna <3333 )

FULL INFO  ||  EONIA TASKS 

[myvalzpival]

Absolutely Unnecessary Ranking of all the Aquababe Songs

Aquababes is probably the closest the Czech Republic will ever get to k-pop. Every year in March/May (yes, we’re past due this year!!) the magical time comes. Yes. The time when every single time you want to watch a video on YouTube, Aquababes start brainwashing you with a new annoying piece of shit that tries to pretend it’s music! To give my non-czech followers some context, every year, Aquila, a company that sells water, sets up a giant casting luring in pretty girls to give them the magical opportunity to form a band with a lower lifespan than one of a new iphone. They record a song and release an MV in which they have to pretend water is the best fucking invention of all times. You then never hear of the girls again. Until now. It’s ranking time, bebeeeey!

Neříkej mi baby (2014)

Alright, listen. This was the first one. Nobody took it seriously. Honestly, this song slash ad annoyed the shit out of everyone for solid two months. The song is terrible, the lyrics don’t make any goddamn sense (seriously, when I found out Xindl X/Ondra Ládek helped write the lyrics i could not understand the FUCK he was doing when he came up with this!!!!), i dare to say gurls can’t sing very well since my trained ear hears a loooot of autotune, the dress would literally look good on NO ONE EVER and it all has this strange low-budget feeling... But hey, it was the first time and nobody took it seriously. Why the fuck not. 5/10, would play this on a wedding of someone i hate

Čistá jako láska (2015)

At this point we realized we, as society, have fucked up and there’s no escape. The second year in a row we got a water ad song stuck in our heads, the only difference being that this one rhymed LÁSKA with LÁSKA and LÁSKA. Hear me out tho. This is a good song. Musically speaking, it’s contemporary, fresh, and, i dare to say, that if it was sung by someone with at least a LITTLE interesting voice, it would hold up pretty well even in 2019. The only problem is the fucking lyrics don’t make any goddamn sense!!! WHO DID THIS! WHO DID THIS GODDAMNIT!!!! On the other hand, it’s the only video where the girls don’t look super awkward and kinda even nail the dancing ???? It’s definitely the best we’ve ever godden so i’m not gonna trash it too much. 8/10, would listen to it ironically

Nejsem další (2016)

At this point I obtained an adblock because shit was getting unbearable. This time we got a whole SHITTON of gurls who tried to sell us water. And sang another song to/about a guy. Or to/about water? I don’t know anymore, the second i heard “jsem nádherná přirozená, čistá krása, na tu chemie nemá”, my soul left my body. This time, the budget seemed to get slightly up, we got 6 girls, 5 outfits and -17 talent. Yay. Not saying girls can’t sing, but theres literally nothing memorable here except for the fact they’re all singing unisono and it’s not in sync. Also. Please. Don’t make them dance anymore. Stop their suffering. I beg you. -17/10, would purchase adblock again

Tvoje můza (2017)

I still remember looking at this for the first time and being like... the fuck..??? So this time we have 5 gurls on bungee ropes pretending they’re... waterdroplets? airplanes? Like, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you heard my begging to not force dem gurlz into dancing, but THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT °u° Musically, the song is kinda outdated, this time, it’s not even catchy, it’s literally the only one i don’t remember the melody to. I hear too much autotune to believe they really choose the girls based on singing talent. And I, over all, just feel kinda sorry for the girls, who went through the demanding casting only to be dressed in the Ugliest Clothes TM and hang in the air in awkward positions. 0,5/10, i’m losing hope here.

[fangirlinacoffeeshopweshare]

Preference- Riverdale Core Four Animals

A/n: Because you all seem to like my first Riverdale Preference and I need to try to get my muse back for writing my series I figured I’d give you another one. This time however it’s just Fluff with your Core Four ft. Cheryl & Reggie. If you want me to expand further on any of these preferences and make it into a one-shot just comment which one you’d want to read more of.

Archie Andrews

You wanted a dog. Archie had Vegas but that was his dog, he’d had him since he was a kid. You couldn’t see him as anything but Archie’s dog. So you started looking at the pounds for rescue dogs some of the older ones since you’d never had anything other than a fish to take care of growing up so training a puppy was out of the questions your first go ahead. This was Riverdale though so Archie soon found out about your Saturday vists to the pound. He asked you why you were going and you told him honestly that you wanted a dog.

To say the least Archie didn’t like the idea but he couldn’t figure out a solution to the delema at hand. Your parents wouldn’t help you, heck they barely even took care of you on a good day. He knew Pop’s didn’t pay you enough to feed yourself, feed and dog, and save up for college. So naturally he asked Juggie for help. I was Jugs idea to have you practice with Vegas considering he was older and had everything he needed. Not to mention Archie would get more time with you. Jug even offered to have you take Hotdog for sleepovers once Archie thought you were ready.

It was probably a good thing you didn’t get your own dog right away you’d been horrible to start out.

Betty Cooper

Betty didn’t mind that you wanted a dog as long as you let her train it and stick to spoiling the lucky animal you picked. You were ecstatic when it came to your dog, Ivar, and spoiled him like you would your own child. Betty told you to have a firmer hand when it came to your boy. That was until you explained the dynamic to her. 

Betty was Alpha Mama she loved him, trained him, and in return he submitted and obeyed her because in the end she was in charge and he new that. 

You, on the other hand, were Beta Mama. You gave him wiggle room to test your boundries and enjoy his life to the greastest. That meant when you got cross about something he did you were scarier to that german shepard than Betty could ever be. (and he never did that thing again.)

Jughead Jones III

After college, once the two of you settled down you eventually approached the idea of a pet. Jughead didn’t like that idea, sure having Hotdog IV over for the occasional sleepover was fine. He was the Surpents’ dog, they all took care of him. What you were suggesting however was perminate.

So you being you found a way. The next time you asked you asked if you could foster.

1) There would be a constant rotation of dogs

2) They’d be in need of a home like a certain beanie-wearing teenage boy was

3) Hotdog would have friends to play with

After months of asking he finally gave up at let you get your foster animals. A choice he regrets every time you cry when one of the dogs has to go, but that was his loving fiance for you. A heart too big for her body able to love anyone, even this beanie-wearing college graduate.

Veronica Lodge

Honestly, Veronica couldn’t care less that you’d gotten an animal and she proved that when she finally noticed after 3 weeks that there was a bunny chilling on the bed. “You... got a bunny...” You nodded picking up your fluffy albino rabbit to place back in her cage. “Since when?”

“Weeks V.” Betts supplied for you setting up her stuff so you guys could study for your SATs.

“Oh well he’s cute... I guess.”

“Yes, Luna is adorable, and also female.” You replied walking downstairs to get some snack food for you girls to eat. Veronica likes to think it was the bunny that was the reason you both broke up. Everyone else, however, knew it was because of her lack of attention after opening her speakeasy. That’s why you got Luna so you’d have someone to hold when you got home.

Reggie Mantle

What his princess wanted, is what his princess got. Even if that was the ugliest mutt he’d ever seen. When he first saw it missing an eye with horrid burn scars on his left flank Reggie he wondered how you came to pick such a dog. You were sweet but this dog looked like it would kill you in your sleep.

Once you walked out from the kitchen the dog ran to you ready for pets tail swinging around wildly. You obliged with the biggest smile he’d ever seen. “Who’s my big, brave boy...” You said to the dog.

“I thought I was,” Reggie said hand over his heart faking hurt. You stood opening your arms to hug him and he moved about one step towards you before that beast growled in protest. “Great.” He needs the dog's approval, but at least he’d know you had a very intimidating guard dog to protect you while he wasn’t there.

Cheryl Blossom

Cheryl didn’t mind the fact that you wanted an animal in the house. She drove you straight to the breeder she knew in Greendale to pick out the fluffy baby you wanted to take home. You choose a beautiful black kitten bright green eyes Cheryl said reminded her of Jason’s. Pleased with your choice she paid and you were on your way. 

However, Cheryl regretted getting you that demon spawn from hell because it wouldn’t leave you alone! It was your baby and you cuddled it everywhere until Cheryl got it it’s own Blossom red throne that she could place (more like shove) that fur ball in order to get her cuddles and love from you.

No matter you love your two needy girls.

[parchmints]

JuLance Day 28 - BIRTHDAY!

Check out my thread on twitter to see all the prompts at once (the tumblr app messes with formatting so I recommend twitter if you’re using mobile)! All prompts connect together to form one overarching story!

First | Previous | Next

day 28/31 - BIRTHDAY!

Lance’s last day of his week visiting Cuba. 

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LANCE!! Here’s my bday fic for the BEST boy. Hope you all like as we get near the end of this fic! Thanks to @angst-in-space for the beta!)

Day 28: BIRTHDAY!

It’s Lance’s last full day in Cuba and there’s a knot in his stomach that just won’t go away. He knows he’ll still be able to visit while they’re on Earth, but he’s really liked spending all day with everyone. There’s a part of him--a very small part of him--that wants to take his mamá’s offer and hang up his blue helmet, stay in Cuba forever, but he can’t. He won’t.

“You’re getting all mopey again,” Marco says, snapping Lance out of his daydream. They’re side-by-side, grocery bags in hand, and walking along the pier to the path that leads to their house. Mamá had asked Marco to buy some groceries for tomorrow night (which was admittedly odd--she usually goes grocery shopping once a week and gets everything at once) and Marco had dragged Lance along. Normally, Lance would have resisted, but he’s happy to spend some time with his brother.

Being present has proven difficult, however, as Lance is constantly thinking about his departure tomorrow.

“Oh. Sorry, Marco. I’m just--”

“Sad you’re leaving?” Marco asks, his usual smirk faltering.

“Yeah…”

“Well, I mean, you’re gonna come and have dinner with us all the time, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re probably gonna have some time off too. You said it was probably gonna take a while to build the castle, so we have time.”

“No, yeah,” Lance says, frowning, “I know. I’m just...it’s been a really great week, y’know?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

As Lance and Marco sink into silence on their evening walk, Lance’s cell phone vibrates in his jacket pocket. Lance slips the grocery bag handle from his hand to his wrist and fishes out his phone, already fairly certain who’s contacting him.

Keith <<5:54 PM>>

Hey, Lance. Don’t want to interrupt your time with your family, but I know you’re probably pretty bummed since it’s your last night in Cuba and I thought I’d check in on you.

<<5:54 PM>>

!!!! awww!!! babe!! that’s so sweet ur so tjoughtful <3 <3 <3

Keith <<5:55 PM>>

Ugh. Stop.

<<5:55 PM>>

BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE

Keith <<5:55 PM>>

YOU’RE THE WORST

<<5:56 PM>>

:P youll learn to like it

Keith <<5:56 PM>>

…

Keith <<5:56 PM>>

Maybe.

Keith <<5:56 PM>>

Well, I’ll let you go. Have fun. I’m excited to see you tomorrow.

<<5:57 PM>>

thnx!! me too!! love you xox

Keith <<5:57 PM>>

…

Keith <<5:56 PM>>

Love you too.

“Ugh, oh my god, stop! I can feel you being gross from over here,” Marco says, groaning. “Put the phone away before I get secondhand cavities.”

Lance’s cheeks heat from Marco calling him out, but the dopey grin that plastered itself on his face since he saw the text is still firmly in place.

“Shut up,” Lance says, slipping his phone back in his pocket, his mood ten times lighter.

“Nuh uh. Until I get myself a cute girlfriend, you’re fair grounds for teasing, bro,” Marco says, swinging his grocery bags back and forth. “But it’s going well? You and Keith?”

Lance’s eyes stray to the ground at the question, his grin fading into a smaller, softer smile. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s going well.”

In fact, it’s going very well. Kind of better than Lance’s wildest dreams, if he’s honest. It’s only been a few days since they confessed to each other, but it already feels like they’ve found something good. Something that will last.

After they got together, they both agreed Keith should stay in Arizona while Lance finished his vacation with his family. They both knew they’d distract each other and Lance still has a lot more time Keith when compared to the time he has in Cuba, so they both thought it was for the best. It’s been a little hard because now that Lance has a boyfriend he wants to see him all the time and do all the fun boyfriend stuff he gets to do now, but he reminds himself that there’s a time and place for that.

And now isn’t that time and Cuba isn’t that place.

Cuba is for family.

Lance has been spending the past couple days hanging out with everyone--facials with Veronica, early morning fishing with papá, guitar practice with Luís, practicing his French with Marise, arts and crafts with Diana, Hilario, and Ana, and of course, big family dinners every night.

He’s going to miss those the most. With everyone so busy all the time, it’s the one place they all get to be together and it’s something mamá insists upon. No matter what, the McClains eat their dinner together.

Lance has never been more grateful for that rule.

Finally, they reach home, the sun starting its descent towards the horizon and Lance feels a pang of loneliness shoot through his chest. Tonight’s his last dinner with them all for who knows how long and it weighs heavy on him.

They climb the porch steps to the front door and Marco nods for him to go ahead. Lance does so without question and opens the door.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!”

There’s a flash, a series of loud popping sounds, streams of color, the whir of kazoos, and Lance is very, very confused.

He blinks rapidly trying to absorb the scene in front of him, but it’s all so overwhelming.

“Oh man, look at his face!” a voice says. Pidge?

“Oh, we totally got him. We got him so good!” another voice answers. Hunk?

After a few seconds, Lance finally understands what’s happening--his entire family is in the hall with the entire team and they’re all looking at him with big smiles and mischievous eyes. In the back of the large group is Hunk and Luís holding up a large banner that says “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEANDRO!” in finger paints and Lance can tell it was made by Hilario and Ana with Diana’s supervision.

“I--it’s September!” he says, incredulous and they all laugh at him.

“Oh, we know, we know,” his mamá says with an unbothered wave, “but we missed two of your birthdays while you were in space so we wanted to make up for lost time.”

“Aww mamá, you didn’t have to do that.”

“We wanted to!” she says, coming over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Happy birthday, mijo.”

Lance smiles at her and then looks to his team members. “How did you guys get here? I didn’t see a Lion.”

“We all took Green and I put on cloaking while we rode in and parked far away,” Pidge says, looking smug. “I’m a genius.”

“Seriously?! Who even told you guys?”

Marco steps away and walks over to Keith, casually leaning his arm on Keith’s shoulder. “Keith and I coordinated the whole thing! We missed twice the birthdays so we need twice the people to make up for it.”

Lance beams at Keith and sends him the biggest smile he can manage, which Keith returns. He quickly looks away, however, as they haven’t told the rest of the team about their relationship yet and they don’t want it to be exposed before they’re ready to tell them themselves.

“Aww, you guys! That’s awesome, I’m so happy. It’s so cool that you’re all here,” Lance says, beaming at them.

Shiro roughly puts his hand on Lance’s shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. “We wouldn’t miss it, Lance.”

“Yes! Plus, Hunk informed us that your household’s cuisine is to be revered which I am glad to hear because so far, Earth food has been...not what I expected,” Allura says.

“Yeah, ‘cause you’ve been eating standard issue Garrison food,” Hunk says. “I’ve only ever had Lance’s mom’s home cooked empanadas the day after and man, I dreamed about those puppies for weeks.”

“Oh, Hunk, you’re so sweet,” Lance’s mamá says, blushing at the praise.

“Yeah, they’re really good,” Keith agrees.

“Alright, alright! Enough!” Veronica says with a sigh. “Let’s eat them already before they get cold.”

Dinner is...an experience. They’re all crowded onto the McClain family table, elbows bumping elbows, plates only centimeters apart, and every extra chair in the house being squeezed in. There’s so much conversation happening, Lance can hardly follow it. Hunk is talking to mamá about her family recipes, Shiro is talking to Luís and papá about his arm, Pidge and Marise are prattling away about genius stuff, and Coran has Marco, Veronica, and Allura swept up in a story about the former Paladins. Marco and Veronica listen to him with rapt attention, but based on the identical line between their brows, they’re also very confused.

Lance sits at the center of the table, talking and chiming in to as many conversations as he can, while Keith sits beside him. They’re all so squeezed in that no one notices that they’re holding hands and that Keith is gently brushing Lance’s thumb underneath the table.

And it’s a bittersweet feeling. He’s not sure if he’s ever felt happier, surrounded by both his blood family and space family, but there’s a subtle sadness to it because he’s not sure when this will ever happen again, this incredible clashing of his worlds. Soon, he’s going to have to leave one family to be with the other, but all he wants is to just live in this moment forever with all of them.

Don’t worry about that now, he thinks. Enjoy it while it lasts.

There’s cake--of course, there’s cake. Luís brings it out with a big grin and it’s probably the ugliest, greatest cake Lance has ever seen in his life. It’s two-tiered but the layers are uneven, so it slants and it’s covered in baby blue icing with little icing doodles of the Red and Blue Lions on the sides. The amount of candles on the thing is probably illegal and they’re a glittering mess of sparklers and regular wax ones. It’s a total mess, but if Luís baked it, Lance knows it’s going to be delicious.

Hilario whoops and yells, “CAKE!” as soon as he sees it and the rest of the adults “ooh” and “ahh” as it comes in. Luís places the cake right in front of Lance, squeezing himself past a long line of chairs, and Lance can feel the heat of the lit candles radiating from it.

“Alright!” Luís says, clapping Lance on the shoulders before grabbing a guitar he tucked away in the corner of the room. “Let’s sing Happy Birthday to Lancito before we burn the house down.”

Luís strums his guitar and starts the song, his full-bodied voice filling the room, and the rest all jump in. Nobody’s on pitch (as it should be) and they’re not quite in sync as Allura and Coran are learning as they go, but Lance is grinning just the same. And as awkward as being sung to may feel usually, today it just fills him up with so much happiness, so much gratefulness, so much love that a lump forms in his throat.

Oh my god, no. You are not gonna cry, you sap, he tells himself. Luckily, his body listens to him and he’s able to swallow down the emotion. He feels Keith give his hand a squeeze under the table and Lance flashes him a quick smile. Keith’s eyes are soft and sweet when they catch Lance’s and his whole torso flutters at the sight of them. When he turns back, Shiro is wearing a knowing smirk, and, embarrassed, Lance quickly looks back to Luís as he finishes the song.

Of course, Keith told Shiro, he thinks, a little annoyed, but the feeling passes quickly.

“--Happy birthday to youuu!” they all finish with hollers as Luís strums his guitar erratically. Hilario has started listing all the birthday channel additions he remembers--”and a big fat lady on channel 80! And Scooby Doo on channel two!”--and Lance’s papá pats his shoulder next to him.

They all watch Lance as he halfway stands from his seat to reach the candles and with a brief moment of introspection, Lance closes his eyes and makes a wish.

I wish...I wish that I’ll get to spend the rest of my life with these people.

Lance takes an exaggerated, cartoony inhale and with all the power his lungs can muster, he blows out the ridiculous amount of candles on the cake. The sparklers don’t go out, but all the wax ones do and from all sides of him Lance hears cheers and clapping.

He sits back down and he’s met with dozens of bright eyes and happy smiles staring back at him.

And it’s in this moment that Lance’s eyes water--he’s too overcome with the weight of his gratefulness to be here, to be surrounded by the most important people in his life, at least for one night, that his emotions get the better of him.

He’ll never forget this night--the one where he was surrounded by all the people he loves most in the world--the universe--and the people who love him back just as much.

And there’s no better birthday present than that.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 26/12/2020 (LadBaby, Boris Johnson, Ed Sheeran)

It’s Boxing Day in the UK as I write this and I’m pretty tired but we still have to review those charts regardless, especially this chart as this is the Christmas chart – at least it’s being paraded around as such – and hence we have a Christmas #1. For the third year in a row, family vlogger, pseudo-comedian and amateur musician, not to be confused with DaBaby, Mark Ian Hoyle – more commonly known as “LadBaby”, has bagged the #1 for the holiday season. Every time I’ve covered the Christmas #1 it has been this guy and, yeah, I’m tired of it. At least this year he felt some stiff competition, and hey, the songs’ proceeds do go to charity. Oh, yeah, and this guy is the third act to have three Christmas #1s in a row, putting this nobody from Nottingham with a barebones Wikipedia page and a couple million YouTube subscribers on the level of the Beatles and Spice Girls. God, the UK Singles Chart never fails to amaze me. Anyway, that’s arguably not even the biggest story here so let’s start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

As I said before, this is the “Christmas week” so throughout the UK Top 75 there are a lot of holiday songs re-peaking or reaching new peaks, before dropping off entirely the next week. Let’s start as we always do by listing the drop-outs from the chart, of which there are quite a few notable ones. Most of our top 40 debuts from last week are gone, like Taylor Swift’s “champagne problems” and “no body, no crime” featuring HAIM, as well as “Show Out” by Kid Cudi, the late Pop Smoke and Skepta. We can also say goodbye to “Sunflower (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse)” by Post Malone and Swae Lee, finally after 54 weeks and a surprise return earlier this month, in addition to other top 10 hits like “you broke me first” by Tate McRae, “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio and “What You Know Bout Love” also by Pop Smoke, as well as some more minor hits like “Wonder” by Shawn Mendes, “Lonely” by Justin Bieber and benny blanco, “Train Wreck” by James Arthur, “Golden” by Harry Styles and “Plugged in Freestyle” by A92 and Fumez the Engineer, but I can see almost all of these rebounding hard next week so I don’t think there’s much to worry about here. For fallers, since Christmas has really consumed everything about this chart this week, we have some big ones that’ll find themselves back in the top 10 or at least top 20 next week like “positions” by Ariana Grande at #19 (the first non-Christmas non-debut song to appear on the chart, by the way), “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix at #20, “Whoopty” by CJ at #22, “34+35” by Ariana Grande at #28, “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI at #31, “Prisoner” by Miley Cyrus and Dua Lipa at #35 alongside “Midnight Sky” also by Miley at #36, “willow” by Taylor Swift off the debut to #37, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #38 and “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy. We also have “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #43, “Really Love” by KSI featuring Craig David and Digital Farm Animals at #45, even “HOLIDAY” by Lil Nas X at #49, “Mood” by 24kGoldn featuring iann dior at #54, “Loading” by Central Cee at #59, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #60, “Monster” by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber at #64, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd at #66, “Dynamite” by BTS at #67, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV at #72, “Levitating” by Dua Lipa with the biggest fall down to #73 and finally “No Time for Tears” by Nathan Dawe and Little Mix at #74. To put the dominance of holiday music on the charts in perspective, if we take the songs that are not either explicitly Christmas-related or a clear Christmas #1 campaign (i.e. LadBaby), the song at #38 would be at #10 and our #1 would be “positions” by Ariana Grande at #19. “Whoopty” by CJ, that entered the top 10 last week and dropped to #22 this week, would be at #3. There are 11 songs in the top 40 that never made an effort to take advantage of the holiday season. When we get into some of our debuts, it’ll be even clearer how big Christmas is in British pop music. Anyway, let’s skim through our gains and returning entries, most of which are Christmas or Christmas-related. For returning entries, we have the comically awful “Lonely this Christmas” by Mud at #71, last year’s scam attempt at a Christmas #1, “River” by Ellie Goulding at #69, “The Christmas Song (A Merry Christmas to You)” by Nat King Cole at #63 (which I’d appreciate more in the top 20 like it is in the US every year – this is a classic), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders at #62 (again, incredible song that deserves a higher holiday peak each year), “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love at #58, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia at #55, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith at #53 and for whatever reason, “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper at #41. In terms of notable gains – and I stress notable, since a lot of higher-up Christmas songs had small gains but still good performance - we have “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by the Jackson 5 at #57, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Frank Sinatra at #56, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby at #52, “Baby it’s Cold Outside” by Brett Eldredge and Meghan Trainor at #51, “Forever Young” by Becky Hill at #50 (both off of the debut), “Baby it’s Cold Outside” AGAIN by Michael Bublé and Idina Menzel at #47, “Love is a Compass” by Griff at #46, “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano at #44, “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry at #42, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” AGAIN by Dean Martin at #39, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #34, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay at #33, “Santa Baby” by Kylie Minogue at #32, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber at #29, “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms at #27, “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney at #26, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #25, “All You’re Dreaming Of” by Liam Gallagher at #24 (thanks to a Christmas #1 campaign that crashed and failed), “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams at #23, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono with the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Community Choir at #21, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis at #18, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #17, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson at #15, and finally, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Justin Bieber illegitimately notching a spot in the top 10 at #8. Finally, we can get onto the new arrivals, although something about this next one tells me that we won’t be in line for anything all that good.

NEW ARRIVALS

#70 – “I’ll be Home” – Meghan Trainor

Produced by Meghan Trainor

...for Christmas. She’ll be home for Christmas. I guess she just can’t finish sentences, even though her cover art has the full title. Anyway, this is a 2014 original Christmas song that went nowhere except Sweden. It’s not anything like the Bing Crosby and wasn’t nearly as successful, mostly because it’s a jingly, inoffensive ballad tacked onto a silly Christmas EP that also features Fifth Harmony and Fiona Apple of all people – who probably should have charted her track instead – as well as the deluxe edition of that debut record Title that nobody liked. At least in this, she’s not going for a faux-retro style, or at least one that I can find the inspiration for, and is just singing over this oddly jaunty piano melody – which sounds pretty albeit bland – as well as some swells of strings and acoustic guitar that do work sonically. The content implies that Meghan Trainor is in contact with Santa Claus personally, and that he gave her the advice to be home with her lover this Christmas and... that’s why this charted, isn’t it? Well, it’s not her fault – it’s not a “stuck with u” moment, but it is dodgy that she decided to put this on her own Christmas record that was released in October of this year, which can’t seem unintentional. I’d be lying to say this isn’t a pretty little tune from Trainor and her voice does fit this instrumental, but a jazzy rendition from someone with a deeper, smoother voice, would work wonders with the content. Oh, and that Christmas record features guest appearances from both Earth, Wind & Fire and Seth MacFarlane, as well as her dad, because, you know, sure, 2020.

#65 – “Gnat” – Eminem

Produced by d.a. got that dope

I can’t tell if I’m underestimating Christmas or overestimating Eminem when I say I expected an album bomb – or whatever that equivalent would be in the UK and our land of silly chart rules – from the deluxe edition of his pretty damn terrible album, Music to be Murdered By. This 3/10 trainwreck consists of two hours I’ll never get back of either great beats wasted by Eminem’s corny, stiff flows and painfully unlikeable delivery or obnoxious, unlistenable beats that are dated enough for Eminem to start going on his Relapse “killing women in funny accents” shtick, which was awful then and even worse now when he tries to replicate it. Marshall, you’re 48, and I know that you’re just “messing around” but if you’re going to treat the album as a cinematic masterpiece within the album and its thematic Alfred Hitchcock interludes, you have to understand that the audience will see it as that way as well, so you having fun and being painfully unfunny in the process over cutting-room-floor trap instrumentals cannot slide. At least Kamikaze had some genuine anger and dare I say some actual balls in how it tackled controversy and dissed everyone he could think of off the top of his head. The last record was angry and bitter, this one’s just tired and lazy, and that’s before we get into some of the ugliest bars, instrumentals and cadences Slim Shady’s ever put on record, which is especially present on “Gnat”, a lightweight trap banger with some acoustic guitars not dissimilar to those that would appear on a Lil Baby mixtape, complete with questionable bass mixing and really bad hooks. On the verses, he sends a death threat to Mike Pence, but on the chorus, his bars are “like COVID” because “you get them right off the bat”. I don’t know about you, but in 2020, I don’t want to hear Eminem harmonising with producer tags, making topical and insensitive pandemic references, or spitting sex bars with coughing ad-libs. Before the beat switch, his flows are some of the sloppiest and drawn-out he’s ever used, and yes, I’ll admit, that second beat is a lot better and Em kills it over that instrumental – but only for a brief moment before we have a third beat, which Eminem is pretty great over, especially with that sax and sweet piano keys overlaid with hard 808s and Eminem’s rapid-pace, quick fire flow... and then he raps the chorus again and I want the song to end as quickly as it started – thankfully, it does end rather abruptly. Just wasted potential all throughout – if that beat switch and flow was a guest verse on damn near anyone else’s record (Em has made tracks with Don Toliver of all people, and he could work), this could be great. For now, Em, you know Kris Kristofferson? I think you should Piss Pissofferson. Forever. Look that up, by the way, that’s a lyric on the record because of course it is.

#61 – “In the Bleak Midwinter” – Jamie Cullum

Produced by ???

I had only briefly heard the name “Jamie Cullum” before this, but he is an English jazz-pop singer and pianist who’s basically useless and uninteresting but, hey, at least he has a radio show on BBC Radio 2. Sure, I mean that might have been the reason that Amazon Music picked him up for an exclusive project for which this is the biggest single. It’s not on Spotify, it’s not even on Genius, and it’s barely on YouTube but since it is, I should tell you that this is his first charting single since 2009 and it’s a remarkably uninteresting rendition of a Christmas carol done a lot better by Jacob Collier – and that one’s on Spotify – so yeah, your sleepy piano arrangement and tone that makes you sound like Robbie Williams half the time and Beck the other, doesn’t interest me. Goodbye.

#30 – “Afterglow” – Ed Sheeran

Produced by PARISI, Fred Again and Ed Sheeran

If we inexplicably remove everything Christmas-related on the chart, Eminem’s “Gnat” would have debuted at #20, and this new track from Ed Sheeran, already stunted from being released on an unconventional day, would have hit #5. Regardless of chart position, Ed Sheeran’s back with his first solo single since Divide. Yes, I’m purposefully ignoring that collaborative project he put out in 2019 because as far as I know, it doesn’t exist. At the end of the year, when things are looking as if he could start touring again, Sheeran predictably releases his lead-off single. This song in particular is a heartfelt ballad from Ed to his wife, who he wishes to be there forever and even if they aren’t together at any moment, whether he’s touring or they separate for whatever reason, he’ll “hold on to the afterglow”. I won’t lie, it’s a really sweet and convincingly sold love song from Ed, even if it’s not anything new, it does feel like a different approach since he’s a newly-wed man now. Although I’m not a fan of this somewhat muddy mixing that somehow messes up just a guy and his acoustic guitar, making what should be a really pretty, ethereal and mellow track sound almost ugly, which doesn’t flatter Ed and his limited delivery at all, especially when he starts getting multi-tracked in the second verse and whooshing sound effects of strings pop up in the mix, and, yeah, it just sounds cheap and gross at this point, which is really a waste of incredible content and a great performance from Ed, who sells everything as well as he can. I understand how this is supposed to be down to Earth, so a perfect mix wouldn’t make sense, but if you’re going to make him harmonise with his own background vocals and even show signs of belting, give him some more grandiosity and go full out instead of restraining him so that it just sounds jarring. With a different mix this could be one of Ed’s best tracks since the melodies are on point, the song feels really heart-warming and sincere, especially coming from Ed to his wife, but we won’t get a remaster anytime soon, I imagine, so for now this is just pretty damn good. I love the cover art as well, painted by Ed himself, and released alongside the single as a bit of a Christmas gift to fans, as well as the start of what I’m pretty sure will be a promo cycle. If this is a good peek into what that album will sound like, it’s safe to say I’m more than excited than ever to hear from Ed Sheeran.

#5 – “Boris Johnson is a Fricking Jerk” – Kool & the Gang

Produced by ???

Okay, so the song’s calling Boris Johnson something stronger than a “fricking jerk”, and the song is decidedly not by soul legends Kool & the Gang, although I’d love for that to happen sometime. This is a family show, of course, so we have to take some liberties. This track originates from a comedian from Basildon, Essex of all places, and whilst we don’t know his name, the songwriting credit on Spotify is given to contemporary British poet Wayne Clements so maybe he’s behind this, who knows? Whether he is or not, I can tell you the history behind this comedian’s music, as he has been making crude short singles about controversial topics in British society and politics for a while, including some about Nick Clegg that charted, although never higher than #63. He retired in 2016 but after writing an autobiography, the guy’s back and he released a compilation of punk rock tracks, all of which are small and profane, with a “band” of puppets that I also can’t name. State-controlled Russian television networks – because, sure, again, it’s 2020 – say that he will start touring in 2021, mostly because he’s finally reached that mainstream audience with this family-friendly tune about Boris Johnson. Here’s how Vick Hope and Katie Thistleton introduced it live on air during the mid-week chart reveal.

Now at #19, we've got a track about Boris Johnson that has so many bad words in it, we can't play it on daytime Radio 1.

Ah, you cowards. Wait... Anyway, I’m pretty happy that the British public can stick it to Boris and the heartless Tories that follow him and currently rule the country, even if it is all a bloody stupid joke from an anonymous punk rocker. We can dig into Boris for his failures on Brexit, mishandling of the pandemic, disgraceful reality-star-esque personal life, that he wasn’t even born in the UK yet is basically a nationalist, his history of Islamophobic commentary, his crap excuses for journalism back in the 2000s or even his clown-nose, blonde bowl-cut “hair style” he adopts whilst addressing us on live television feeding us lies and misleading statements that turn into retcons the next time he has to address the nation, whether it be on Brexit or COVID-19 tiers and regulations, both of which are a confusing mess to both sides of Europe that exist to drift us away from where we should be going as a nation, and further into the realm of political party tribalism that we know absolutely does not work in the States and that we mock the Yanks for. We’re more than the sick man of Europe, we are the America of Europe. I guess you could say Ireland is our Canada, but we don’t even have a Mexico to make us look better, we just have other western, central and northern European countries that may be flawed but are far ahead of whatever the hell this shell of a union is in 2020, less than 80 years after the creation of our National Health Service. People will look to pundits and newsreaders like Piers Morgan, entertainers like Phillip Schofield, war veterans and charity-givers like Captain Tom Moore, and even politicians like Boris Johnson, as the “heroes” of Britain’s 2020 but it’s increasingly clear that absolutely no-one is a hero, and it’s the people’s right to be upset. Hence, nearly exactly a year after Boris Johnson cheated his way into power by smear campaigns and elitism, we have this song debuting at #5. Unfortunately, the song doesn’t go into any of that. It just repeats the title in an anthemic – and considerably agreeable – refrain that is an undeniable punk hook. The riffs and guitar work here isn’t of any interest, but the guy’s delivery is powerful and furious, so I’ll give the song credit: it’s not just correct but it’s really good, especially for a one minute runtime. He also released some satirical MIDI-level synth-pop remix with gross Christmas sleigh bells and hi-hat skitters, because, say it with me, it’s 2020. I wouldn’t recommend the album though, it overstays its welcome by the time you get to “Jesus Died of a Stranglewank”.

#1 – “Don’t Stop Me Eatin’” – LadBaby

Produced by who cares?

I can’t get mad at this lazy “parody” of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” about sausage rolls, or even its Ronan Keating remix, which is LadBaby doing a favour to Ronan Keating, if anything. Sure, my blood boils with the idea that this incompetent Internet personality from the East Midlands – which I think I’m sadly also able to describe myself as – got the #1 over Mariah Carey, or even that Boris Johnson diss track, but it’s going to the Trussell Trust and it’s ultimately an inoffensive, vaguely happy track that even gets the vegans involved. I, for one, prefer “Boris Johnson is a Sausage Roll”, a version of our #5 you can – and should – play on the radio even after Christmas. I don’t have anything more to say about this guy so piss off, LadBaby, you can’t even get the album cover right to the song you’re parodying, thrice in a row.

Conclusion

Best of the Week is definitely going to the Somethings for “Boris Johnson is a Something Something”, with an Honourable Mention to Ed Sheeran’s “Afterglow”. I can’t bring myself to give a charity single Worst of the Week so I’ll spare LadBaby the honour and grant it to Jamie Cullum for his greedy Amazon exclusive trite, with a Dishonourable Mention for “Gnat” by Eminem, for just being wasted potential all across the board. Next week, everything Christmas-related will be gone and we’ll get a bunch of returns and hopefully some new, interesting returning entries. We might even get the impact of Playboi Carti’s long-anticipated album – and I hope so because it’s fantastic – but that’s wishful thinking. Anyways, I hope everyone had a happy holiday season. Here’s our top 10:

Thank you for reading. You can follow me @cactusinthebank for more rambling about pop music and occasionally politics, and I’ll see you next year.

[blouisparadise]

We received an anon request for bottom Louis/top Harry fics that are smutty and 15k words or less, so here you go! These are in order by length.

Enjoy this VERY long rec list!!

1) Give and Take | Explicit | 1837 words

Sometimes Louis just needs.

2) Precious Little Diamond (I’ll Give It All To You) | Explicit | 2044 words

Alpha!Harry/omega!Louis PWP written for this textpost: Established relationship H/L with alpha!Harry just popping his knot in omega!louis and it’s his favourite part; just laying down and cuddling as they mate but louis just wriggles around in his lap until he can grab his xbox controller and starts playing video games with Harry still inside him and Harry’s like “??!?????!???!!!???” And louis’ like “oh shush it takes forever” and scores a goal on the game

3) Lips Are Like The Galaxy’s Edge | Explicit | 2360 words

Harry licks over Louis’ hole slowly, deliberately, and his tongue is like velvet and Louis’ skin is burning at every junction where Harry touches him and it’s all so good he thinks he might cry. He licks a few more times, moaning softly like he’s relishing the taste of Louis and that’s just, well, fuck.

4) Louder Louder | Explicit | 2931 words

There's really only one way to get Louis out of a mood this terrible, and Harry is prepared to sacrifice his entire evening if necessary.

5) Reckless | Explicit | 3028 words

Harry thinks it's criminal, the way Louis looks in his suit, sharp and expensive.

The feeling's mutual, judging by the way that (at his mother's wedding, no less) Louis leans in and says, "I bet you can fuck me without ruining that suit."

Harry does his best.

6) Handprints And Good Grips | Explicit | 3330 words

Harry wants to pull them down and suck him off. Harry wants to never take them off and eat him out over the lace. Harry wants to push them aside and fuck the imprint right into Louis’ body.

7) Lagrangian Point | Explicit | 4055 words

They find each other again the night of Valentine's Day.

8) It’s Your Soul That I’m Caught In Yet You Don’t Hear Me Call Your Name | Mature | 4433 words

The one in which Harry goes out for a run in the early morning rain without telling Louis and Louis wakes up alone, cold and needy.

9) Painless With Immense Distance | Not Rated | 3793 words

“You know when we talked about kinks and stuff awhile back and you said you wanted to try something?” Harry continues with a devious grin. Louis’s a bit lost and he tries to think about exactly what Harry is thinking about which honestly could be a handful of things.

“Prostate massage?” Harry asks like it’s as common as the sky is blue.

10) All That Glitters Is Gold | Explicit | 4505 words

Louis is an exotic dancer in a club that is really, really not Harry's scene, but there's something about gold skin shimmering with glitter and a perfect bum in tiny shorts swaying around on a stripper pole that's simply magnetic. If shy little Harry becomes a regular here, then that's his business. And if Louis develops a soft spot for his favorite gentlemanly patron, then that's his business too.

11) Feel The Need | Explicit  | 4898 words

Louis and Harry attend Liam's Halloween party. Risky Business ensues.

12) In That Bright White Noise | Explicit | 5060 words

Blind dates are usually destined to go terribly, so Louis doesn't exactly trust his friends when they say they've set him up with Gemma's younger brother, Harry, at an evening bonfire they're attending. Luckily, Harry's much hotter and kinder than Louis thought he'd be, which is a relief. He's also really fucking good at sex, which is just a wonderful bonus.

13) Hook’s Intention | Explicit | 5156 words

Harry hadn’t realized what, exactly, being the Captain Hook to Louis’ Peter Pan would entail.

14) Just Like Live Wires | Explicit | 5427 words

Harry climbs into Louis' bed when he's cold. Louis pines.

15) Oops, I Like You | Explicit | 5571 words

He thrives in the attention, at the knowledge he makes these boys with their tattooed dicks and pierced whatevers, so hot and bothered. These boys with their confident smirks and broad shoulders and hands, touching Louis wherever they can. Louis reduces them all to a wet, moaning, mess, every time.

Usually he doesn’t see those guys again. It’s not generally part of the plan.

But then Harry tightens his grip on the back of Louis’ neck and Louis ducks his head to taste the sweat beading under Harry’s chin, kissing the ink curling up Harry’s neck, then kissing his way down to get his mouth on the god forsaken nipple piercings. He listens to the way Harry breathes his name, and for the first time silently asks, Can I keep him?

16) Incalescent | Explicit | 5649 words

The onset of heat is something Louis still hasn’t learned to recognize.

17) Folded Up All Pretty (Fit Into You) | Explicit | 5655 words

“Missed me?” Harry laughs into his mouth, and it ought to be awkward with the way Louis’ tongue pushes at his teeth and the stretched out corners of his mouth, but really, it isn’t.

18) ‘Cause Lately I’ve Been Waking Up Alone | Explicit / 5667 words

Harry gives Louis a very special sex toy for an early birthday present, and Louis uses it on Skype when Harry's in LA.

19) Power Inside | Explicit | 5861 words

Louis wrinkles his nose and pokes Harry again. “You want a baby,” he repeats.

Again, Harry frowns. “Uh, yeah, Lou, I want a baby. So do you.”

Where is this even going. Harry honestly has no clue.

Abruptly, Louis stops frowning and practically throws himself off of Harry, splaying himself out on his side of the bed, arms spread wide. “Okay. Let’s make a baby, then.”

Can eyebrows get permanently attached to a hairline? Harry has a feeling he’s going to find out. “You do realize - ” he starts.

“Yes, Harry, I realize,” Louis says, stroking his fingers over the inside of his own thigh, ruking his shorts up. “You gonna shut up about it and give me a baby or am I gonna have to go out and find someone else to fulfill my deepest desires?”

He’s a nutjob. He’s a complete nutjob. Harry’s in love with a complete nutjob.

20) Throw Me In The Deep End | Mature | 5914 words

The one where Harry is a very ferocious pirate captain and Louis is a mighty scoundrel in need of some good dicking.

21) Heart Beats Slow (I Wish You) | Explicit | 6011 words

The one where Louis loves panties and Harry loves Louis.

22) Spark A New Flame | Explicit | 6100 words

Louis is nineteen, Harry is twenty-one, and it's not all that hard to figure out what happens when they both go clubbing.

23) Want It All The Time, Need It Every Day (Explicit | 6306 words

Louis visits LA a week before the boys head to Australia for On The Road Again.

He and Harry have some catching up to do.

24) Like You Hate Me | Explicit | 6541 words

“You have poor taste for someone with the last name Styles,” he says, turning to show the back of his pants to Harry—the pants Harry had just stitched his name across last night to keep this type of thing from happening again.

Of course, he’s accomplished nothing but indirectly making himself pop a stiffy over Louis fucking Tomlinson.

25) You Drive Me Wild (You Know You Do) | Explicit | 6632 words

Louis flirts with the Australian interviewers and Harry gets possessive.

26) Once Like A Spark | Explicit | 6789 words

Louis is a bartender, and Harry is just his type.

27) Glimpse Of The Silhouettes | Explicit | 7181 words

Harry isn't sure what the rules are for this. It's hard to believe that there are any, that's there's a handbook just waiting for him to buy: why is my best mate getting hard in my lap when I touch his arse?

28) Back Where I Belong | Explicit | 7217 words

Harry’s trying to have a conversation with Nick, who he hasn’t seen in nearly three months, but the way Nick’s eyes keep darting over his shoulder every few seconds is quite distracting.

It’s ironic, because at least a quarter of the reason that he’s even talking to Nick in the first place is because he needs a distraction. He’s all too aware of exactly what’s going on behind his back.

Nick is the one who finally brings it up. “Do you think he’s doing it to spite you?”

“He’s definitely doing it to spite me,” Harry answers tightly, resisting the urge to crane his neck around so he can see. He clutches his drink a little tighter, trying to keep his tenuous control over his own movements.

29) There’s Magic In This Life | Explicit | 7326 words

Harry comes out to the band as bisexual on a Tuesday.

30) A Virgin To That Money | Explicit | 7366 words

AU. Harry and Louis are broke university students who hate each other and make a sex tape. (In which Louis gets fucked a lot, Harry can't find the camera, and the road to falling in love is different for everyone.)

31) That Ugly Ass Yellow Shirt | Explicit | 7502 words | Sequel 1 | Sequel 2 | Sequel 3

"This," says Louis, holding up a shirt from the box, "is the ugliest fucking shirt I've ever seen."

32) Rated R | Explicit | 7635 words

Louis gifts Harry with a surprise sex tape, and it accidentally makes its way into Harry's family Christmas party. Ridiculousness ensues.

33) Read You Like A Book | Explicit | 8089 words

Louis realises Harry can read his mind. He'll do anything to make Harry admit it. Set during the North American leg of the WWA tour.

34) Love To Make Him Moan | Explicit | 8106 words

Note: This fic is locked to AO3 users.

They fuck like they're sex starved, when they're really, really not.

35) Cease the Day | Explicit | 8195 words

In which 1D Day takes on a whole new meaning.

Instead of a seven hour livestream, the One Direction team deem it more profitable to offer an entire day spent with any one member of the band for the highest bidder. What happens when the same buyer wins both Louis and Harry for a day?

36) Forever, Uninterrupted | Explicit | 8578 words

Harry finds a mysterious picture in Louis' bag one night and drives himself crazy over it. It's definitely not what he thinks.

37) Makes Perfect | Explicit | 8610 words

"What if you practiced on like, a mannequin?" Louis presses. "Or one of those blow up sex dolls? Or even just like, I don't know, a pillow or something. Whatever it'd fit around."

Harry tilts his head thoughtfully, curls catching the light so entrancingly that Louis finds himself reaching up to push his fingers through them. "It's different, though, innit? When it's a real person. A pillow won't snog me."

"Why should it?" says Louis. "You can't even take its bra off."

38) Make A Run, Cause Some Rebellion | Explicit | 8824 words

As a general rule, kitten hybrids are small and disinterested in what other people want them to do, slightly evil and at least a little manipulative. Louis prides himself on being all of those things to varying degrees, but especially on being uninterested in what other people tell him to do. He’s still human goddammit, despite his pointy ears and penchant for curling up in the sun and taking naps.

He’s going about his daily business, knocking things over where he sees fit and leaving a trail of mess in his wake. As exasperated as it makes Liam he’s used to it by now, having shared a flat with Louis for almost three years now, and if Louis whines enough he’ll even clean up after him. It’s a great life, really.

With the exception of Liam’s stupid, broad shouldered, entirely too big mate, the one who always comes over to watch sports with him. Louis hates that guy. His hair is always greasy and he brings weird hipster beer with him when he comes that tastes like shit. And he won’t even let Louis have any of it, either. The only reason Louis even knows what it tastes like is because one time he stole a bottle from the fridge and fled to his room before Harry could catch him.

39) Been Gone Way Too Long | Explicit | 8836 words

“This can’t be happening,” Louis says, banging his hand against the window. “This seriously can’t be happening right now.”

Things like this only happen in the movies. Things like this don’t happen in real life. There’s no way that he’s seriously been snowed in. There’s no way that the heating is broken. There’s no way that it’s going to take upwards of twenty-four hours and probably a lot longer for the storm to break and someone to come and rescue them.

“Just sit down, Louis,” Harry sighs from somewhere behind him. He sounds miserable, like he’s already feeling the cold.

Louis whirls around and points a finger at him. “Did you plan this?” he demands a little hysterically. He regrets the question as soon as it’s out of his mouth, but he thinks he’s got a valid point. It’s not like this storm just came out of nowhere - it has to have been on the news for a couple of days, at least. Plenty of time for Harry to have canceled this excursion.

40) We Wreak Havoc With Our Hearts | Explicit | 9417 words

Harry finds that he can't keep things separate; neither can Louis.

41) Come A Little Closer | Explicit | 9867 words

Louis puts on lingerie. It's not, like, a thing.

42) Just Walk My Way | Explicit | 10271 words

Louis is a Victoria's Secret Angel, and Harry is the main act of the night.

43) Anything Goes | Explicit | 10275 words

Harry probably shouldn't be amused that Louis has a death grip on his hand and is dragging away from an event that, you know, they should be at. And he still probably shouldn't have that god awful smirk plastered to his face when Louis shoves him into the bathroom and steps in before locking the door.

44) You Are My Favorite Place | Explicit | 10347 words

It had gutted Harry when he saw the headlines splashed across the gossip rags, the ones proclaiming the house he planned to make their home in LA was a bachelor pad. With both of them doing more producing and writing, Harry knew that they would need a place here so they wouldn't have to travel so much. As soon as he'd seen it and how remote it was, he knew it would be perfect.

It was so much more than some stupid bachelor pad.

45) Right Side of the Wrong Bed | Explicit | 10902 words

The one where Louis wakes up on the wrong couch only to meet his future husband (even if Harry doesn't know it yet).

46) Bite | Explicit | 10980 words

Louis is a vampire hunter, and Harry is too happy being his prey.

47) The Sweat On Your Skin | Explicit | 11014 words

Louis is certain there's no better way to come down from a post-gym high than a naked romp in the bed with his favorite workout partner.

48) Gnossiene | Explicit | 11276 words

Louis sets a challenge for himself; it gets a bit out of hand.

49) Can’t Blame Gravity | Explicit | 11931 words

Note: Mentions of bottom Harry.

That time in 2015, when Harry went MIA around Louis’ birthday.

50) End Of The World Tonight | Explicit | 12069 words

“You remember when you told me that you wanted to live with me for the rest of your life?” Louis asks. His voice trembles a bit, exposing exactly how much he hates what he’s about to do. How much he wishes that he wasn’t about to do it.

“I remember,” Harry says. His expression is a little lost, like he thinks that they’re about to have a fight and he’s not sure what they’re supposed to be fighting about. Louis closes his eyes because he has to, has to take a second to regain his courage. He can’t keep doing this. He can’t keep suffering, can’t keep killing himself trying to hide this. He’s ready. He’s been ready for a long time.

51) Won’t See It Coming Til It’s Already Gone | Explicit | 12631 words

“Tell me that this is a fake,” Peter says, slapping a handful of papers against Louis’ chest. He says something else, something loud and demanding, barely even pausing for a breath, but Louis doesn’t hear it. All he hears is the sound of his own breathing, the sound of his own heartbeat.

Because this - this looks like a marriage certificate.

For a minute, everything stills, quiets. Louis drags his eyes up, meets Harry’s gaze, fixed on him.

Then the noise is back, shouting voices clamoring to be heard over each other, and Harry is still staring at him.

The ring that Louis hadn’t been able to stop noticing in the loo weighs heavily on his hand. His left hand.

52) Doesn’t Have To Be A Real Thing | Explicit | 12532 words

In which Harry helps Louis get over his ex and it kind of becomes a regular thing. It’s totally casual – they have an understanding. But what happens to Harry when Nick reappears in Louis’ life?

53) Let’s Take the World By Storm | Explicit | 14656 words

Harry lifts his head off Louis' chest to look at Louis' face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

“I don’t know, but our sex life feels a bit boring, ‘sall,” Louis says, completely avoiding eye contact.

“Boring.” Harry says flatly. He doesn’t say anything more, and Louis looks up to see that Harry seems to be mulling it over.

“Yeah, boring," Louis says, and keeps talking before Harry can pipe up. “I mean, think about it. We’ve been dating since X Factor, and now things are starting to drag a bit. We don’t even have the time for handjobs anymore, much less actual sex.”

54) Put It On Me | Explicit | 14890 words

Harry's bachelor party doesn't go as planned.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[razieraz-blog1]

It’s Unbelievable to Me..

You know, I sit here alone everyday and everyday the same thoughts and questions, doubts, negatives and positives go through my head. Non-stop, it runs through my head everyday the same thing.. “Someday, I maybe Loved or be Someone’s Lover, Girlfriend, Wife.. A Something..” It Shocks me to even think about it. This Topic sends more that one thing to my head every second I am to continue thinking about it.  Honestly Now, I feel like I shouldn’t be cared for, shouldn’t be shown kindness, shouldn’t be loved. I feel like people don’t care nor Love me, though some people try their hardest to show it, I always think it’s just out of pity for the stupid medical issues I have or for my huge lack of self confidence and Self Esteem. So to think someday, Some Guy, Some Girl, whoever, I could be their Girlfriend or Wife, if anybody even cares so much to ever pop the question.. Which may never happen. It, it blows my mind to ever think of it. I am so full of these doubts and negative thoughts yet I send out Positive, I can see how some won’t love me. Then, on the other hand, I am ugly, fat, short, and act more like a male than my actual Gender, which is obviously Female. Also the fact I get nervous and shaky over some things, some ever easy things and stupid things, easily could be other reasons along with all my medical issues and pains. It’s just, I can’t see anybody loving me unless they are blind to me or blind in general. Then, to also think that Someday I want to have pets and Babies, it also shocks me. I am not the most talented, I am not the prettiest ((Hell, I am the ugliest)), strongest, fastest, medically or mentally perfect. I know, “Nobody is Perfect”, I know but... I feel like cause of problems I do have on daily basis is that nobody would ever love me enough to go so far into Love to say, “Want to have kids?” or anything hinting to making a Family. I can’t ever, I mean EVER see ANYBODY ever go so far to even date me or care for me, as said, I always see it as “Pity Points”. Anyways, thanks for just even reading two words from this, sorry if this brought you day down or made you start thinking. Hopefully You all have a Lovely Day or Night.

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 8x05: “Blood Brother”

THEN: Sam retired because he met Amelia and had a normal life with her. Dean went to Purgatory and befriended a vampire. Cas was also in Purgatory. Kevin, Prophet of the Lord. Kevin and his mother ran away and are in hiding.

Eagle Harbor, Washington.

Benny’s getting revenge at anyone involved with his original death.

OOOHHH BENJAMIN.

RIP Quentin. Killed by Benny.

Stood up by Kevin...again.

“When's that little idiot gonna stop running from us?”

“I don't know, Dean. I mean, you did try to kill his mother.”

“I was trying to kill Crowley, okay? Who happened to be wearing Kevin's mother at the time. Well, there's a difference.”

Still doesn’t make it okay, Dean.

“Hello? Uh, hang on. There's not enough bars.” Subtle.

RIP numerous vamps. Killed by Benny.

“And – and what exactly is that supposed to mean, you've got to go?”

“Which words are giving you trouble?”

“You mind if I take the Toblerone?” Always gotta sneak in humor.

“Last I counted, you took a year off from the job. I need a day.” Good fucking point.

Benny and Dean hunting together in Purgatory as Benny whistles. I love that moment.

“Not stalking... concerned.” Stalking.

God no, please no Amelia in this flashback.

“Yeah, you really messed up that dog.” IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

Resourceful Sam.

I do like how pleased Sam is with himself when he fixes the fan in their current hotel room.

Benny ain’t looking good.

“Benny? Not lookin' good.”

“Up yours.”

He still has his humor!

Benny cleans up good!

“Benny. What's going on?”

“You and that whole ‘friend’ thing, man.”

Cas!

“Well, I got to admit, Dean – he's got his strong points, but holy hell if he ain't a magnet.”

“Well, before we found Cas, you said it was my humanity that was drawing too much attention.”

“Yeah, that too.”

pfft.

“If you murder a monster in monster heaven, where does it go?” hahaha, I assume it just pops up somewhere else in Purgatory.

“And this is the crazy aunt I want to take on the road?”

“I am not your aunt.”

“What? Really?”

“I have no possible relationship to your sibling offspring.”

“Now, you’re kidding me.”

I love Benny and Cas’ bickering. it’s hilarious.

“the angel” “the vampire” They don’t even address each other by name.

“This dimension wants to spit you out, which is exactly what's gonna power our escape pod. Now, I'm pretty sure I can squeeze through, too, because, after all, you take away the fangs and the fun, I was born human, too.” Goddamn, I love Benny.

Cas trying to get off this ride early before it’s too late and too painful.

Dean insists on taking Cas.

Benny’s hunting his maker...who is also his murderer.

Another flashback.

Lady in 118. Amelia.

“I knew there was something off about you, with your creepy Army-Navy and your sideburns –” SHUT THE FUCK UP.

“Sea You Later” is a FANTASTIC yacht name.

“Boarded, burned, and buried at sea. My nest – that's how we fed... How we always fed. We kept a tight little fleet, maybe a half-dozen boats. Nothing ostentatious, just pleasure craft. I must have circled the Americas ten times during my tour. A few of us would act as stringers and patrol the harbors, looking for the right-size target – fat, rich yachts going to far-off ports. Take down the boat's name and destination, radio it to the crew in the water. And then we just, uh... let the ocean swallow up all our sins.”

That’s quite the strategy.

“Vampire pirates. That’s what you guys are? Vampirates.” 

“You know, all the years we ran together, I can't believe nobody ever thought of that.”

“What do you mean? It's like the third thing you say.”

“No, it isn’t.”

The cutest banter.

“When you get turned, it's like you're reborn into a vampire nest. Your maker – he means everything to you. I mean, you really start believing he's God. Now, if your maker happens to believe the same thing, well...” The god complex.

Andrea Kormos.

“My life changed when she entered it, Dean. Everything I had been or done up to that point just... seemed to vanish... into what we had become together.“ That’s the sweetest damn thing.

They killed Benny because he left them for Andrea, and then “killed” her. I’d want revenge too.

Dean’s almost sent text:  “Hunting vamps - nest on Prentiss Island...not alone”

He should’ve sent it.

“It's weird being back – in the world, I mean.”  

“Sure as hell is.”

“I mean, what do you do with it all? All the – all the everything? Hell, I don't even know if this world is real, if I'm real.”

Huh, Benny is reminding me of Mary. Resurrected, but not used to the current world.

A new photo of Andrea. Benny knew.

Damn it, Benny. You got too distracted.

Sorento.

Should’ve sent that text Dean. Maybe Sam wouldn’t be calling.

Flashback.

“So that’s what you do? You stalk helpless women and you break into their motel room...and you fix their plumbing? Why are you fixing my sink?” This is only our third episode with Amelia, and I’m done with her already.

Why did she stuff limes down the sink??? Is there no trash can?

“Why am I explaining myself to you? You're a drifter or a handyman.”  Judgmental much?

Can I punch her?

Dean finally answers Sam.

“It's kind of hard to explain right, but I'm sort of in the middle of cleaning out a vampire's nest, and it's sort of gone a little sideways on me.”

“WHAT?!”

JEEZ.

I’m so sick of this “all your friends are dead” crap.

“It's been a long time. Our father has come to trust my judgment over Sorento's. I answer only to him.”

“Well, sleeping with God has got to have some perks.”

BURN.

All that just to get them alone.

Andrea handing over a weapon and the keys to the handcuff.

Sam’s loud ass talking was perfect bait.

RIP vamp. Killed by Dean.

Another phone bites the dust.

“I know it won't change anything, but I regretted having you killed. When it was all done, I wailed when I saw you in all those pieces. Didn't I, Sorento? Didn't I wail like the ugliest baby in the world?” I somehow doubt that.

“If that's all I could salvage from my wayward son – the woman he defied his maker for – I wanted someone to remember you by.” haha, Benny’s a wayward son.

RIP more vamps. Killed by Dean.

Purgatory flashbacks.

You know what? I’m surprised Dean never brought up the fact that he was a vampire for a night. That would’ve been an interesting conversation between him and Benny.

“Look, all I'm saying is I started seeing something in humanity, okay? Something that shouldn't be taken. I drink blood. I don't drink people.” Benny liked humanity.

Leviathan are coming.

Sam casually stealing a car.

“the angry lady” that’s putting it nicely.

“I have to say – um... I've seen a lot of stitches in my time, and you've got really good hands.” That is a rather weird thing to say someone.

“I think it's creepy you buy all your clothing at army surplus. White supremacists do that....Drifting serial killers do that.”

Good points.

“You come from nowhere, you appear to be going nowhere, and you've, quote, ‘seen a lot of stitches.’ It's all pretty solid creepy.” Fair-ish points, but she’s also from nowhere and going nowhere.

“You have no idea where you're going, either, do you?....And that's because you have no one. I mean, at all, right? I mean, that's why you're... here, in this place.”

Sam reads her pretty well.

A very anxious Sam. I get it: he’s afraid something happened to Dean, and that he’s gonna have to start all over without him.

OH THE FIGHT MOVES ON BENNY.

RIP Sorento. Killed by Benny.

“I am evil, after all. At least I've had that much to keep me cold at night.” Nice line.

RIP Benny’s maker. Killed by Benny.

“We have everything we need right here. The operation is still perfect. We can ride the high seas, plunder together. We can have the life we always wanted.”

Andrea’s been corrupted. :( She’s gotta go.

“What I wanted was to leave a burning crater behind. I wanted to put your memory to rest.”

“But I'm not a memory. Benny, I'm right here.”

Not anymore.

“You think you're better than me now?” Andrea’s last words.

“No. I think we’re all damned.”

RIP Andrea. Killed by Dean.

Poor Benny.

“Why’d you do it Dean?”

“Do what?”

“Resurrect me?”

And then we launch into the flashback where BENNY SAVES CAS’ LIFE.

That has to be Sam’s biggest bitch face.

I always wondered why it was only by the touch of Benny’s hand that Sam knew something was up...and now i realize it’s because as a vampire, Benny must be stone cold.

That slow mo, silent exchange between Sam and Dean.

Oh no, THAT’S Sam’s biggest bitch face.