#my guess would be that a lot of people had established mental images for her from mag 100/the cult episodes

[annabelle--cane]

at this point I think the protocol characters have basically settled into a few identifiable looks in most fan art, there's still variation but not so massively that I can't immediately tell who's who in any given image. except for celia. I look at cast line ups and see alice, sam, gwen, colin, lena, and the most random woman I have ever seen in my life.

[ilikekidsshows]

The Marinette and Kagami Sub Arc Breakdown

Okay, it's finally done, the big analysis, where I tackle a topic I've wanted to write for simply because it's a topic I personally find interesting and fun, AKA, The Best Sub Arc in the Entire Series So Far, AKA, How Marinette Proved Without a Shadow of a Doubt that She'd Never Be Like Chloé And We Stan.

One of the most interesting parts of the Marinette and Kagami rivals to friends sub arc is that it's one of the aspects of the show that directly connects to Marinette's past as a victim of bullying and is, in a way, about her overcoming that past. Not many things in the show remind us of the revelation in 'Origins' that Chloé had been bullying Marinette for years before the show's timeline, especially since Chloé became pretty declawed as a school level threat as the series went on to the degree where I think many people watching forgot that she used to hold a lot more power, and Marinette used to be wary of her.

But, the reason why Marinette being a bully victim is important in her arc with Kagami is this: people who have been victimized don't necessarily recognize it when they're victimizing others, and I believe that Marinette shows signs of this mentality in the show, particularly in season three. I'll illustrate how Marinette's ex-bully victim mindset informed the early stages of her relationship with Kagami and how Marinette overcame her internal biases when it comes to Kagami and her behavior towards Kagami.

In 'Origins', when Alya quotes Majestia's by now immortal line, she also says something that is very much what someone who has been victimized would identify with: "That girl over there is evil, while we are the good people." While Alya was very accurate that she and Marinette are good people, she didn't really know much about Marinette at this point, so she was actually pretty much guessing. The reason why this line is important is because it relies on an assumption that a moral binary exists on the bully-victim scale, instead of these roles being dynamic and socially formed. If you’re a victim of a bully, the bully is evil and you are a Good Person.

Some people who've been systematically victimized think on some level that them being victims means that they can never be instigators, that they're automatically morally pure because the person who victimizes them is the evil one. This is a very typical argument in social justice circles, where a person who is victimized for one thing might say bigoted things about another group and claim that they can't be a bigot because they suffer from bigotry. The simplest example I can give is white women refusing to accept that something they've said about black women could be offensive to black women specifically, because "how could a victim of sexism be racist". Now, what happens between Marinette and Kagami in the show is nowhere near this level of victimization switcheroo, but it still has that false binary in that Marinette thinks that her actions have more moral justification than they actually do.

The interesting thing about how Kagami is introduced is that her future role as a love rival was downplayed in ‘Riposte’. Her Akumatization was because of family issues and the idea that she might be attracted to Adrien came from Marinette's jealous grumblings while she was rescuing him from Riposte (I'm mostly referring to the "She doesn't deserve you" line). Outside of that little bit, 'Riposte' comes across as a pretty standard Victim of the Week episode, instead of setting up a romance sub arc. As such, Marinette already viewing Kagami's Riposte form as a romantic rival serves more as foreshadowing rather than it actually forming their relationship.

Then we get to 'Frozer'. Marinette doesn't really know much of anything about Kagami at the start of this episode, as we can see in her mental image of Kagami as a cackling mean girl. Because Marinette doesn't really know Kagami at this point, when Adrien tells her he's thinking of asking Kagami out, her mind gives a placeholder mental image of her, seemingly based off of Chloé, another rich girl with a (supposed) crush on Adrien. This is the episode that establishes Kagami as a romantic rival to both the audience and Marinette, and Marinette’s negative mental image of Kagami establishes the idea of this rivalry being antagonistic. However, because this setup happens in Marinette's headscape, it's actually a one-sided antagonism.

Kagami isn't actually antagonistic towards Marinette in 'Frozer', but there is a certain assertiveness and physical presence to her in the episode that Marinette, as a former bully victim, might find imposing. Kagami gets in her personal space, because she's telling Marinette something she's sure Marinette doesn't want the boys to hear, but to Marinette, the body language could have come across as threatening. The way Marinette stares at Kagami throughout the scene with a deer-in-headlights look can indicate more general startlement or a sense of foreboding. And the episode ends with Kagami kissing Adrien on the cheek, establishing her as a threat in Marinette's eyes. From Marinette's view, Kagami's behavior in 'Frozer' confirmed her fears about Kagami, that she was a rich bully.

This interpretation of Kagami informs a lot of Marinette's actions in 'Animaestro'. Here we see just how much Marinette has started to view Kagami as the new Chloé in her mind. Even when the actual Chloé shows up, Marinette is more ready to side with her than Kagami. And why this happens is because Chloé actually accidentally enforces the idea that, because Marinette is a Good Person, any person who works against her happiness is a bully and a Bad Person. While we could argue that Marinette has no reason to listen to anything Chloé says, we have to remember that Marinette has been lowkey hoping Chloé would become a better person in episodes like 'Antibug' and 'Zombizou'. When they both agree that Kagami has to go, Marinette could have taken it as another sign that Chloé's not all bad, or Marinette could have simply come to the conclusion that Kagami is actually worse than Chloé, and so teaming up with Chloé to take her down is justified.

It's important to note that 'Animaestro' chronologically takes place right after 'Chameleon', another episode where Marinette thinks she's morally justified in practically bullying someone because they're acting in a way she disagrees with. Because Lila was revealed to be able to dish back the same, if not even worse, that Marinette could unleash, Marinette never learned that her behavior at the start of the episode was bullying and therefore bad. Lila "justified" Marinette's actions after the fact because she was actually a bad person all along, so Marinette doesn't need to feel bad about basically harassing her. If Lila had just been someone who fibs for fun, with no malicious intentions, Marinette's behavior would have been completely out of proportion.

This is why the approach Chloé and, by extension, Marinette take against Kagami is so vital. With Chloé hatching a scheme that was so much like one Marinette would put together, the lines between Marinette and Chloé were blurred in this episode. Simply because it was such a convoluted plan might have also been why Marinette didn't seem to realize the implications of what she was trying to accomplish. I mentioned during my liveblog of this episode that Marinette doesn't seem to consider that, since the plan was to publicly humiliate Kagami, the plan working would have meant hurting Kagami really badly. I also pointed out that, because the trap triggered for the wrong target, this fact didn't really register with Marinette completely, since she merely noted that of course Chloé would have a bad plan. The plan was bad because it failed, not because it was morally wrong.

However, even though we didn't see it happen in the episode itself, what happened at the movie premiere did alter Marinette's perception of Kagami. Most likely it was contrasting Kagami to the actual Chloé and realizing that she had been mistakenly attributing Chloé's traits to Kagami. The change in Marinette's perception is clear in her panic spiral when she realizes Kagami is her partner for the game in 'Ikari Gozen': "She's brilliant, strong, cute!" Marinette would never spell out all of Chloé's better features in such a way, which means her stance on Kagami has moved away from seeing her as The New Chloé.

Even though Marinette doesn't see Kagami as a bad person at this point anymore, she does still consider her strictly opposition. She refuses to work with her, preferring instead to sabotage her and her chances with Adrien, just this time without the attempted humiliation. This is mostly because Marinette sees Kagami and thinks she has it all: looks, confidence, influence, a connection with Adrien. Marinette is absolutely convinced that if they won the contest, all attention would be on Kagami and she'd be sidelined in favor of her. It's easy to think that a little bit of sabotage is okay when Kagami seems to have such an unfair advantage.

Unfortunately for Marinette's peace of mind, the point of 'Ikari Gozen' is to dissuade her of the notion that Kagami is fortunate in every way possible. We can see that Marinette thought that sabotaging the game was fine because Kagami had so many advantages because, as soon as she discovers that Kagami is friendless and has no connection to Adrien outside of fencing, she feels very bad for what she was trying to do. Marinette didn't actually want to hurt or upset Kagami. In 'Animaestro', Marinette didn't think about Kagami's feelings at all in relation to how Chloé's scheme might make Kagami feel, but this time she is thinking about them, she simply misjudged them at the start. She thought her purposefully throwing the contest would be a minor setback to Kagami, not what it ended up being: a betrayal by someone she was hoping to befriend.

I noted during my liveblog of this episode that Marinette's relationship with Adrien also started with a misunderstanding where Marinette first saw Adrien in a more negative light before that impression was proven to be false and they became friends. The development in 'Ikari Gozen' mirrors what happens in 'Origins' in that Marinette first has a false impression of Kagami, but is ultimately proven wrong in her assumptions and becomes friends with her. Marinette nominating herself as Kagami's friend even in her phone call with Tomoe suggests that Marinette recognized a similar need for friends in Kagami that she's seen in Adrien.

Marinette has gotten over seeing Kagami as an opponent in 'Desperada', where we see how Marinette reacts to Kagami and Adrien enjoying an inside joke together: she is miserable. Marinette recognizes the similarity between Kagami and Adrien and, rather than making her mad with jealousy, it makes her feel defeated. While Marinette's perception that Kagami was put together and perfect was taken down in 'Ikari Gozen', 'Desperada' shows us that she still thinks she can't measure up against Kagami, although now it's for the reason that she can see the connection between Adrien and Kagami and doesn't think she has what it takes to compete with that.

'Love Hunter' is the episode where this new sense of insecurity comes to a head. When Marinette's hair falls out of its usual style, it signifies her letting down her guard and enjoying both Kagami and Adrien's company, because Adrien and Kagami are both her friends at this point. However, when Marinette is reminded that there are things that Kagami and Adrien experience that she can't relate to ("It's not every day we can escape from everything they expect from us"), she hastily ties her hair back into the usual twintails, her insecurity forcing her to put her walls back up again.

Marinette is in emotional turmoil throughout the episode, allowing Adrien and Kagami to have what could constitute as an ice cream date alone at first, only to interrupt Kagami's attempt to kiss Adrien a few minutes later by whisking Kagami away to help solve the Akuma situation. This is why Marinette wanted André to pick the ice cream blend, because she started to project her relationships with Adrien and Kagami onto the ice cream too much. Marinette values her friends' happiness very high, high enough to stand aside when Kagami refers to their similarity as the reason she and Adrien are made for each other. Marinette does respond to Kagami that choices can be hard, so her standing aside is also about Marinette simply not acting at all, either to allow Kagami to go for Adrien unchallenged or to pursue Adrien herself. The choice between Adrien and Kagami was too much for her. Marinette being indecisive is of course a major character flaw I've discussed on this blog repeatedly, so the idea that it might have played a role here too makes sense from my perspective.

So far the Marinette and Kagami arc has been about Marinette learning not to subject other people to the kind of treatment she gets from Chloé, overcoming the temptation to turn into a bully to protect herself, and also making friends along the way. But there is still more ground that can be covered with this immensely interesting relationship. This is actually why I feel we really need to see Kagami and Marinette interacting after Kagami and Adrien break up. Because Marinette still has unresolved feelings about Kagami and not just Adrien after the season three finale.

[helioleti]

I've been rewatching ATLA several times lately and this time I especially ended up wondering a lot about Iroh and Ozai's past and characters in general. I just can't help but think it weird that Ozai is the ultimate trashbag of a humanbeing while Iroh ended up preaching harmony and peace. It just doesn't make any sense. These guys are brothers. They were brought up by the same parents, in the same fascist imperialistic nation, they were taught the same values growing up. You're trying to tell me the difference is that Iroh was destined to be the person he eventually came to be, but Ozai was just born evil? No, I don't think so.

I have two hot takes that I'm gonna elaborate:

1. Iroh had a guidance Ozai lacked

2. Ozai was the less favored son

(Disclaimer: I haven't read the comics yet so I don't know how deep they've already gone into this subject at some point. I'm trying to interpret and analyze the stuff that I got from the animated series only. If anything I say contradicts what has already been confirmed in the comics, feel free to correct me.)

Hear me out. Iroh wasn't born a saint. Everyone is aware of this, especially Iroh himself. He laid siege to Ba Sing Se for 2 years, costing the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom thousands of lives. Everyone knew that if the Fire Nation took over the capital, it meant almost ultimate victory for the Fire Nation. He even went as far as making a offhand sadistic jokes about burning the city to the ground in that letter to Zuko and Azula.

Iroh acknowledges it himself; He was a different man.

So what changed?

Yes, his son died. It broke and shattered him from the inside, making him drop all efforts to continue fighting in the war. To continue what had been his lifelong ambition, what he believed to be his destiny. He had a literal vision about taking over Ba Sing Se when he was a child, and that had been what he'd been pursuing ever since. But the death of his son managed to crumble all of that into nothingness. How is that possible?

Don't get me wrong. I think it's completely valid. I just don't understand how Lu Ten and Iroh could've had such a loving and caring relationship in the first place, when that's clearly something unusual among the royal family. Ozai burned and banished Zuko without a second thought, not to mention all the other shit he did to him growing up. Ozai didn't give two shits about Azula either, he only ever intended to use her as his weapon. Doesn't seem too surprising, if you ask me. Azulon didn't hesitate to demand that Ozai kill his own son if he wanted the throne. That's the man that raised Ozai, so it's just logical that Ozai learned that behavior and those values from his own father.

Even 9 year old Azula thinks it laughable that Iroh would fall apart at the death of his son. She is a child and this is how she thinks. The reason Zuko doesn't think like this is because he's had the guidance of his mother, unlike Azula. This is the kind of mentality these kids grow up with. They grew up with war and so did Iroh and Ozai.

So why was Iroh's relationship with Lu Ten so different? Where did Iroh experience the kind of compassion and love he passed on to his own son, that Ozai definitely didn't? People act on how they've come to learn, so where did Iroh learn to care about his son to a point that it made him give up on his lifelong ambition?

Let's review a very crucial information we have on Iroh and Ozai as siblings: They have a huge age gap.

Frankly, I'm guessing about 10-20 years. Looks more like 20 to me, but that could also be Iroh's greater amount of endured pain and war making him look older than he actually is. But no one can deny that an age gap is definitely there. Which can also indicate they had different upbringings, despite having grown up in the same family as brothers.

What does this mean? Well, that's just me theorizing now, but I can definitely imagine that Iroh had someone, a family member maybe, there for him who wasn't around or didn't care to be when Ozai grew up. There must've been someone there who gave Iroh emotional security and guidance throughout his upbringing. Who? That's up to imagination. A friend of the family? A friendly uncle? His own mother ((or father))? (The last two things worked out for Zuko in the end, didn't they?) Otherwise I can't really explain myself why Iroh had enough values to love the way he loved Lu Ten, while Ozai clearly didn't give two fucks about his children at any point in his life.

Iroh was the firstborn son, the one who had a vision very early in his life that his destiny was to take over Ba Sing Se. Probably the one who got to have a family member care about him enough to show him how to love.

(I like to point this out a lot because I find it very interesting, and very significant. Please A:TLA give us more info on Iroh's past!!)

Which brings me to my second take: Ozai was the less favored son.

Iroh was clearly a son to be proud of. He was a master firebender, the "Dragon of the West", if you will. He apparently had a vision as a boy that he'd conquer the most "impenetrable city" in the world. He probably lived up to his parent's expectations for his whole life, especially having no sibling to be compared to for a significant part of his life. He broke through the outter wall of Ba Sing Se during his siege. Yada yada yada, you get my point. He's the best son they could've wished for.

And Ozai? As far as I know, he barely even has any military achievements. Taking over Ba Sing Se was Azula's doing. While Iroh laid siege to the capital, he was at home chilling in the palace. He's the younger brother to an established hero and was never meant to be firelord. Now, I haven't read the comics for more info on Ozai's biography, but this man barely had a chance to live up to his parent's standards with Iroh as an older brother. If my theory is correct, Ozai also didn't have any person to provide him emotional guidance throughout his life. (*cough* like Azula)

The logical outcome is: infinite jealousy.

And when Ozai suggests to Azulon that he revoke Iroh's birthright to become firelord, this is Azulon's answer:

Azulon doesn't even hesitate to call Ozai out on his bullshit. He doesn't hesitate to take offense at the suggestion of betraying Iroh, and he even seems to care about Iroh's suffering. Not to mention that Azulon is overall annoyed with Ozai's request for an audience and sends the rest of Ozai's family away as soon as he can, to get whatever it is Ozai wants over with.

I could also mention the fact that Ozai tried to impress Azulon with his daughter's skills (Azula, even named after him) and the overall strained relationship these two seem to exhibit. It's obviously very different from Azulon's relationship with Iroh, if the way he talks about said man is anything to show for.

What if Azulon treated Ozai the same way Ozai treated Zuko? (Probably without the physical abuse, but you get my point.) What if this is where Ozai learned to treat a "useless" kid like shit, maybe also in a way to cope with how he was treated himself?

Getting deeper into the fact that Ozai is rather a loser compared to Iroh, without any big military achievements and without value for anything beyond that, this also explains a lot about Ozai's constant need to establish his dominance.

First; Becoming Firelord through radical manners (you know, killing his own son or killing his own father)

Second; Publicly burning and banishing his own son whom he considers a weakling, who dared to speak up in his war room. Doing this to have everyone know that he doesn't associate himself with weakness and that he will not ever tolerate any form of disrespect.

Third; The whole Phoenix King act. No one can tell me this isn't a madman's doing. This is literally to show off that he is the most powerful person in the world.

Ozai is so obsessed with proving himself and his superiority to everyone, including himself and probably Iroh too. This makes most sense if we consider that he probably lived in his brother's shadow for his whole life, ignored by probably every guiding figure he's ever had in his life, maybe even considered a laughingstock by his own father.

Perhaps this is also the reason Ozai didn't have any problem with Iroh accompanying Zuko in banishment. His brother, the hero in whose shadow he grew up, and his son, the failure he'd wanted out of the way for a long time already. It would erase Iroh's image that made him superior to him, once and for all. For himself and the world. I believe that branding him a traitor was the biggest satisfaction Ozai had ever experienced in his life.

I absolutely despise Ozai with every fibre of my heart, but it amazes me how ATLA continues to leave so much room for interpretation and explanation for a character as despicable as him. Writing this, even had me feel sympathy for him at some point. Feel free to disagree with me or add anything, I'm eager to hear everyone's thoughts about Ozai and Iroh's backstories because I'm geniuinely very curious.

[percontaion-points]

Crave chapters 48-50

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 48

“You—” My voice breaks, and I clear my throat. Try again. “The earthquakes. They’re you?” 

He nods, looks wary. 

“Even the big ones?” I ask, and I can feel my eyes going wide. “All of them?” 

“I’m so sorry.”

How boring and predictable. 

“Come on.” He takes my hand in his and tugs me toward his bedroom. 

IT’S STILL BEEN FIVE GODDAMNED DAYS. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. 

“Because it reminds me of how I got it, and I don’t want you anywhere near that world. And I sure as hell don’t want that world anywhere near you.”

Chapter 48 summary: First, Jaxon bites Grace, which is something akin to having an orgasm. And then they start making out. They take a brief pause to establish that it’s Jaxon who is causing the earthquakes… and then resume sucking face. Except that it’s the exact opposite of sexy. I’m 15 all over again, going to English class, and forced to walk past the “it couple” of the week making out in the middle of the hall. 

They finally go into his bedroom, where I’m somewhat relieved that no hanky panky happens. Instead, she sits down and starts spewing out bad joke after bad joke. She pushes his hair back, and he tells her that thinking about his scar only reminds him of how he got it, and how he wants to keep her far away from that reason. 

Chapter 49

“I can’t imagine you hurting your brother on purpose.”

 He turns on me then, eyes showing that yawning, empty blackness I’m coming to hate so much. “Then your imagination isn’t good enough.”

They’re vampires. It’s already been off-handedly mentioned that they have an intense political system. I can think of a few reasons. 

“So am I right in guessing that Hudson was not exactly responsible with his power?” 

“A lot of young vampires aren’t.” 

“That’s not an answer.” I raise a brow, wait for him to look at me. It takes longer than it should. “And you strike me as very responsible.”

He almost killed you because he popped a boner. That’s not being responsible. 

“Add in the fact that a lot of people got an up-close-and-personal look at my power and no one’s happy. And can you blame them? How do they know I won’t turn like my brother did?”

To be fair, the fact that he can think about his brother’s plan and go “wow, that’s completely and utterly fucked up” says that he’s already doing much better than Hudson. 

I tangle my hands in his hair, pull his mouth down to mine. And give him the only thing he’ll accept from me.

Chapter 49 summary: They make out for a little bit more before he slowly begins to tell her what happened. First, he kind of hems and haws and refuses to give her any actual details. But he eventually starts to spill his guts. 

He tells her that Hudson was slated to be the next king of the vampires. And that vampires inherit powers from their parents, and each new generation is more powerful than the last. So his generation is crazy strong. 

But Hudson was out of control. He had this plan in mind to make vampires into the number one species. And in order to do that, he had to genocide… not only only the werewolves, but the dragons, the witches… the humans. Obviously once the genocide word is thrown around, Jaxon started to have doubts about his brother’s mental health. He tried to go to their parents, but literally nobody would listen. So Jaxon did what he had to do. He murdered a bunch of Hudson’s followers, and then Hudson. 

He pointedly tells Grace to stop looking at him like he’s a victim. He made his choices, and he’d make the same choices again in a heartbeat. He has no regrets whatsoever. 

Chapter 50

“That’s impossible—he wasn’t even on the branch with me.” 

Jaxon narrows his eyes in an are you kidding me kind of way. “He wasn’t underneath the chandelier with you, either.” 

“So what? He got one of the shifters to half break the branch before the snowball fight, knowing it was going to be windy?” 

“More like he got one of his dragon friends to start the wind that caused all the problems. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Grace. The dragons can’t be trusted, and Flint absolutely can’t.”

Let’s pretend for two seconds that what Jaxon is saying is true. That Flint is the cause of the branch breaking and the chandelier falling. 

Exactly what purpose would killing this random human WHO DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT DRAGONS ACTUALLY EXISTED serve?

While I admit that Jaxon is bringing up some good points, his idea of Flint trying to murder Grace has more holes than Swiss cheese. 

“If you’re well enough to be up here, you’re probably well enough to be in class, don’t you think?”

Touche. 

It’s honestly kind of refreshing to see an adult in a YA novel who calls the protagonist out on her BS and is an actual parental figure. 

“First period should be about half done right now…”

Despite this conversation with Jaxon having taken up like 2000 chapters, less than 30 minutes have passed…?

“Give me one reason not to ship your ass to Prague, Vega. And make sure it’s a good one.”

Chapter 50 summary: They make out some more (ugh. Is every chapter from here on out going to start like this?) before Jaxon stops and says that he wants to talk about her safety. He then spins this tale about how Flint is the one who is actually trying to kill her. That he used his powers to chuck Flint under Grace when she fell out of the tree; Flint hadn’t dived to save her. 

And it’s not as though Jaxon isn’t raising good points. But as I said: the math about why the werewolves and dragons want Grace dead isn’t adding up. 

Finn then shows up and pointedly tells Grace that if she’s well enough to make out with her boyfriend, then she’s well enough to go to class. She agrees, which seems to surprise her uncle, and leaves. 

[btswishes]

Love me for who I am now

Bucky x Reader ( Chapter 1 )

Part1 / Next 

Summary: You apply for the Stark internship and end up getting it, so now you have 5 months to make a good impression to continue working with the Avengers.

A/N: This is my first Marvel fic and I am taking it as a challenge. It is opposite of what my account was made, but here I go. Sorry for any mistakes made, hope you enjoy it even a tiny bit.

Word count:  3,281

Warmings: fights, harsh language, not part of the original MCU 

Y/N- Your name Y/L/N:  Your Last Name

                                   --------------------------------------

  Through sleepless nights and dark circles, books and pens, through months of work you reached your goal. The moment you received the acceptance letter from Stark University you almost flew out the window without a fear in your mind. This was it!

  Time had passed since that moment, but it is still engraved in your mind- a memory keeping you strong during the hard midterms and piles of work, even the small glimmers of regret. Trying your best wasn’t an option, you could do only that and no less. It was no easy task, lost social life as much as you tried to keep it. You were really lucky you had good friends that understood and supported you. University wasn’t easy for anyone making this one even tougher. People of all ages, backgrounds and cultures were piled up with you in this building. The best of the best as the slogan said, the ones that proved themselves and emerged victorious.

  When you were young ,you used to spend a lot of time with your uncle at his places outside the country. He would introduce you to his work colleagues and things you had never seen before. There was a time where you would spend months on end with him. Not many memories were left from those moments in your head. At one point you spend a few years with him, your mother thought it would be good experience for you and it turned out to be nothing but the truth-at least you hoped so. You learned a lot from him and his friends, it felt like each spend day would offer you more knowledge in areas you never knew of. Computer work, ways of thinking and so much more that had become second nature to you.

  The sky was tinted in a wash of oranges, reds and yellows bleeding one into the other, swirling around the sun emitting them. The day was ending, but you found yourself filling up an application in the library, covered by the silence and smell of exam worry.

  Sponsored and founded by the one and only Tony Stark, this establishment offered an internship. Being part of the Avengers, Tony didn’t let just anyone from the students attending in, even if they were the best labeled by the school. It had been a year and a half since you started pushing yourself harder to be able to apply and there was nothing that could stop you. Pressing your finger over the enter button was very nerve wrecking yet simple. Even if it didn’t work out this year, you planned to do it again and again ,till he had no other choice but give you a chance.

  Usually F.R.I.D.A.Y. went over everything and left only the applications worth going over by Tony himself or Pepper. The next 5 weeks for you were very stressful, but there was nothing more you could do but wait and focus on your own work. The first person you wanted to tell about this was your uncle. He went to work in some distant place where they had no internet so you switched to mail. Not as much paper under his name passed through your hands, as he had stopped answering you. You missed him, but the muddy childhood memories kind of compensated for that.

“Did you send it in?” the phone muffled a bit the sweet voice coming from the speaker 

“Yeah, a few days ago actually.” You answered with a gentle sigh

“And no answer yet?” the girl’s pitch rose at the end of the sentence, amazed at that what she just heard

“I know, I know. Think about it though Nea. Who knows how many applications get submitted. Someone has to brush through them after all.” defending the situation was a form of coping for you, made you feel hopeful.

“So you are trying to tell me Tony Stark’s interface or whatever it’s called, can’t sort them out in a couple of hours? Come on Y/N! You and I both know you are trying to make yourself feel better.” The small pause made you anxious over what Nea said “Listen.” A breathy start of the sentence “ I don’t mean to brag, but I think I am one of the people who know exactly how much you deserve this. You were never the studious type, plus that you were gone for years on end with that mysterious uncle of yours. I never expected you to suddenly go for Stark University. Your dream changed you, from this quiet kid to crazy ol’ you right now on the call with me.I ain’t letting you bust yourself up over this just because it didn’t happen the first time around-”

                Ding ding

  Nea’s deep speech was cut off before she could unleash herself completely, by the slight ring of your phone’s notification.

“Who tf has the audacity to text while the great me is giving this legendary –“

                Ding!

  The second time the sound sung out made her choke up with anger, you could almost see the fumes coming out of the phone.

“WHO IS IT!” a loud hiss pierced your ear

“Maybe if you gave me a minute I could answer your question.” Pulling the call down, your finger ran over the screen to the email, making your notification lamp blink like a car. Almost instantly it opened before your eyes and you gasped. The action made you swallow suddenly and cough out a bit ,giving poor Nea an idea about the level of shock you were in.

“What?What? You can’t just almost die and not tell me what is going on.” She proceeded with a not so tasteful interrogation.

“I-…they accepted my application…” at the end a small smile flowed over your lips contorting the sound coming out

“Stop!?” she choked up as well “You gotta be fucking with me!? No fucking way this is real!”

“I am honest. It says here that they liked my skill set, my grades and the way of thinking I presented in my essay. I got the spot Nea! I fucking did it!” you threw the phone on the bed letting it bounce as you started dancing.

“Of course you did! I told you! You will be working with THE AVENGERSSSS!” at some point it sounded like your best friend was more excited than you “When do you start?”

“Well…” taking a second to calm down and re-establish contact with your phone, you looked up the schedule that came attached with the email “…ok…so it says here that I will be starting on Monday so~ in 2 days? “

“So soon! Any requirements for the job miss Avenger’s sidekick?” and the teasing begins

“A list, surprisingly.” Rolling onto your back, you held the screen away and above your face, scrolling past “ I guess my first job will be with Dr. Banner in the lab. Apparently I will be given some sort of assignments throughout the 5 months work span. I will be monitored by Dr. Bruce Banner and the grading, I guess if you can call It that ,will be done by Tony Stark himself.”

“Basically Hulk will be your babysitter.” once this girl starts teasing she never stops even in amazing situations such as this one, good thing you loved her “That sounds so cool though! You will be able to meet Captain America and Black Widow~! I am so jelly of you I swear! When you leave work make sure to wait for someone from the group to walk by, omgggg I am fangirling so much right now.What if you go to dinners with them!?AAAAA!”

“Fun thing about that.” Your eyes landed on the last paragraph of the email “It says here that I am supposed to move into the compound and stay there till further notice. The whole idea is that if I do things well I will get a permanent job. Weird…” you hummed

“Weird !? How? That is so cool! Who knows you might even become an Avenger! You will be living with them anyways.” at this point Nea was either not breathing or hyperventilating so fast you couldn’t hear it

“Don’t be ridiculous.” your attention landed once more on the thought process you had a moment ago “I don’t get one thing. They say here that my PE grades combined with my IT and overall studies make me a great candidate, but I don’t remember sports being a requirement at all, or even providing them in the first place. Does it mean that if my grades were low in that department I wouldn’t have gotten the spot?”

“I guess people of science aren’t that flexible. Who cares anyways! You got in, no ifs and buts. I am telling you, at this point you could be an Avenger.” poor girl began thinking of names and suit designs for you “ Hurry up and pack those bags before I drop by with take away, so we can gossip over Steve Rogers’s abs.”

“Um…don’t get me wrong he is super hot, I just see the Cap more like an older brother figure than anything.” It was true, you looked up to him since the first time you studied about the Civil War. Fearless, gave his life in a way for his people, astonishing man over all.

“Hey! Let me drool over him! You were always more of a Winter Soldier fan anyways.” Nea pouted audibly . Her words made some lone memory pop up in your head, but it was as murky as the rest. “I don’t know why I am interested in him. Somehow his look is very nostalgic and rugged. Anyways. ”you shook your head out of the mental image of the soldier “I will go pack up, tell my parents and fix up all my documents. Probably find some stuff from former Stark employees online. I want to have a bit of an idea of what he expects and what I am getting myself into.”

“Fine fine, you could have just said you like troubled guys. You were the one who was happy Loki got a second chance after all. I will be over in like 3 hours.” She informed you

“Hey! He deserved to redeem himself, he was used!” a firm Loki supporter as always “Ok then, see ya.”

   Hanging up the call you placed your phone to charge and rolled off your bed. The email gave vague information about what you needed, but clothing wise you would still be able to come home and get stuff if you had to. What was on top of your priorities were papers, documents, all your research materials and tech. Those things had to be organized no matter what ,since they got you this far in the first place.

  Nae came over as planned and you two had a nice sleepover talking about you know who. The night came and left, letting the morning find you in your bed at 11am. Your forearm rested on top of your forehead in a relaxed manner, letting enough space for an exhale to linger in the air in front of you. Your mind was going over everything that was about to happen to you. It was one of your dreams, you worked for it nonstop day in day out, so why were you so worried about meeting the rest of the Avengers? Maybe it was just anxiety or fear of the unknown, yeah made sense.

  All you did during the day was make lists for every piece of tech you were binging with yourself. Things seemed to be in order, but worry kept nibbling on your bones. The moment of truth finally rolled up and so did your suitcase in front of your house. Nea came to send you off as she promised.

“Sweetie, make sure to call us every day. Eat well, don’t overwork yourself and-“ your mom went off with caution about anything and everything that came to mind

“Mom, you know I am going 3 blocks down from here right? Plus I can come home at any time I want to. I am not moving to Mars or getting arrested.” You smirked the panic away from her, giving them a big hug.

“Call me or text me when you get there.” Nea pulled you in, whispering in your ear as quietly as possible “And don’t forget to sneak me a booty pick of good ol’Cap. You know what they say-”

“That is America’s ass.” Your voice came out in a mocking tone

“That i-…let me at least finish it by myself! Geez!” she pushed you towards the door “Ok ok, go now before you spoil me something else” her arms crossed in front of her chest

  The walk wasn’t that long, you were too invested in your own thoughts to notice when the time and distance had passed. The glistening windows of the compound building shined into your eyes. Your lungs filled up with a breath that they kept in for a moment, before releasing it back in the outside world. Pulling out the documents you stepped in. The fresh smelling air hit you making you close one eye for a second.

People were walking around you fast and concentrated. Some looked in a hurry, others were on break with a cup of coffee and a strain-leaving expression.

 Your feet, as slightly shaky as they were, took you right up to the front desk were a lady with a dark rich red colored uniform looked at you. She flashed a professional smile, her eyes asking for your purpose.

“Um, hello. My name is Y/N -Y/L/N.” she saw the logo on your papers and gasped

“You must be the new intern Mr. Stark told us about.” She signed something and reached out “Can you give me your hand for a second.” Your fingers didn’t go past the surface of the desk when she pocked your skin. Pulling in your extremity, your palm wrapped around the spot that began to sting a bit “Don’t worry about it. This is your identification pass. Fancy, no?” she smiled winking. Her body stood up as she pointed at the elevator far in the back of the foyer.

  Instructions were given with each step of the way, calming your nerves a bit. The moment you found yourself inside the elevator she pulled your hand to the sensor on the wall next to the buttons.

Recognized: Code 2514. Welcome Miss Y/N  

 Your head shot up when F.R.I.D.Y.’s voice echoed in the small space. The women smiled giving you a small nod and stepped out of the vicinity. Once her body was outside ,the doors slid closed. Over them glowed a protective blue light layering over the material like a soft veil.

 It felt like you weren’t moving an inch. Your body flinched when the sun stung at your eyes from the window. Your gaze landed over the view of the city, as you went higher and higher, ascending into the clouds  The blues and yellows were covering the inside of the elevator, such vibrant and lovely colors warming your body. For a moment your heart felt heavy- lost memory tugged onto it again. An often occurrence lately, yet you kept brushing off as deja vu. 

Floor 134. Welcome to the Avenger’s compound Miss Y/N

“134!?” the numbers cracked out with your voice. The interface made you turn towards the opposite opening doors revealing a room as big as a hall, if not almost a stadium. The ceiling was high being the lid to this round area. Your heart beat increased pumping blood to your body, dilating your pupils at least twice their original size. It look amazing, almost like you had just entered heaven. The walls were white, the furniture was perfectly placed and cream colored. Stepping outside you jumped at the sound of the elevator doors closing behind you. 

“Wow” escaped your lips, your hand pulling the suitcase closer. So this was the common room or the shared space. The windows were so big they were practically a wall of their own. The bright rays were making themselves at home giving the white paint a new color with each passing minute. The ceilings were probably the equivalent of 3 floors in height. There was this weird feeling of home inside, a bit of isolation maybe mixed in. 

“Miss Y/N?” your head swung to the side when you recognized that shy but bright smile. Throwing the papers on top of your suitcase, you extended your arm at the man.

“Ah.” Good thing your mind automatically responds politely to people without you giving it much thought “Dr. Banner. It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance.” you shook his hand gently a couple of times and let go ,finding the papers and showing them to him “My name is Y/N-Y/L/N.” gentle bow and a smile followed the words skillfully chosen

“Welcome Welcome. Tony is out right now so I might be the only one actively walking around the compound. Well…”he scratched the back of his neck, lightly hunching over with a sheepish smile “I am one of the people you will be working under anyways, so I guess it is good that I came to get you. I would love to show you the lab, but I am sure you would like to set up your things first.” You nodded and he showed you to your room. The corridor had 3 tall doors scattered on the walls, all looking modern and elegant.

“This is the side where usually we have our female members. Natasha and Wanda will be your nextdoor neighbors. Hope it won’t be any trouble.” Bruce looked at you ,when an aggressive shake took over your neck

“No, no. Not at all sir. I am very grateful to have such amazing heroes next to me. As a matter of fact won’t they be troubled with me here?” and here came the normal anxiety that you had for everything

“I am sure they will like you. Don’t worry about it.” Bruce stepped next to the door and waved you over “You don’t have a key or a door handle as a matter of fact. Tony’s idea, don’t ask. If you got up here on your own I assume he made the girls downstairs give you an identification implant. That is basically your entrance for everything here. Kind of an Avengers thing.” You nodded and him wiggling his fingers like a spell. Placing your hand on the door like he told you activated F.R.I.D.A.Y.

Recognized: Y/N. Access and ownership granted.

  The metal frame slid open and you found yourself standing before a big room. It was nicely furnished. The desk was big enough for you to work on it and have everything around. Bookshelves empty and ready to be used on your left and a large bed on your right flush against the wall. The window was once more its own wall right in front of you standing behind the desk. The bathroom door was opening a space before the shelf the same color as the paint in the common room.

“I will let you set up. If you need anything F.R.I.D.A.Y. is always here. The room is interactive, you can ask exactly what works under the interface’s control. The door is one.Take your time.”he was on his way out “Would you like some coffee or tea?”

“I would like some tea, thank you very much.” Bruce flashed you a smile “F.R.I.D.A.Y. the door please.”

Door closed 

  Done as said and requested, clicking behind you. 

Would you like an extensive list of my functions as an assistant?

“Please do.”

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

Monster of the Week: The Undead!

From spooky scary skeletons to the original zombies, let’s have a look at the undead who have risen around the globe! This will not include vampires (which I have already compiled a post on) or ghosts (which I plan to compile a post on.)

Note that many of these can best be understood -- or only understood -- in their original cultural context, and I encourage you to continue your research if the lore interests you.

Skeletons/Skeletal Creatures

I am, for whatever reason, enthusiastic about skeletons. There’s a drama to them. They look like they’re perpetually grinning, or grimacing, which makes them oddly relatable. As an artist, I’m always thinking about them as the framework for poses. 

More importantly, there’s one in all of us -- sorry if that made you uncomfortable -- which makes them a universally recurring being in global folklore. Let’s take a look at just a few.

Gashadokuro

Literally translating to “rattling skull,” the Gashadokuro is also called Odokoru (giant skull) or simply “the hungry skeleton.” That basically tells you all you need to know. 

These big boys (and I mean REALLY big) wander around the countryside at night. Their name derives from the eerie rattling noise produced by their giant skulls. As chill as this may sound, the Gashadokuro is not actually chill at all, and if you come across them they will not hesitate bite your head off. This may seem like a jerk move, since they don’t even have a stomach, but they need the energy of the living in order to sustain themselves.

Like most undead fellas on this list, the Gashadokuro has its origins in the real world. They are thought to originate from the mass-graves, usually of those who died under violent or inhumane circumstances, the supernatural byproduct of countless skeletons. 

The first Gashadokuro was thought to have originated after a specific bloody rebellion, in which the bereaved, sorceress daughter of a samurai summoned a giant skeleton from the mass grave of the rebelling soldiers and used it to attack the city. Queen behavior, if you ask me.

Santa Muerte

Image Source

Let’s conclude this portion with my favorite skeleton (excluding Baron Samedi, who doesn’t count, as he is often depicted as a man, or a man with a skull-like face), the goddess/folk saint Santa Muerte.  

I still have a lot to learn about the rich folklore surrounding Santa Muerte, but to my understanding, she was born of a combination of pre-Columbian Indigenous religions and Mexican-American folk Catholicism. 

Depicted as a skeleton in beautiful, feminine attire and considered to be embodiment of death, Santa Muerte is a healing and protective figure. She is beloved by legions of worshippers, despite condemnations from the Catholic church, and symbolizes a culturally positive relationship with death. 

Despite appearances, she is a life-affirming figure.

Zombies and Reanimated Corpses:

The Draugr

When we hear “zombie,” we don’t traditionally think of “Norse mythology.” And yet, the Nordics had their very own zombie mythos, boasting some truly terrifying undead.

It is said that they first emerge from their graves as little more than wisps of smoke and a stench of decay, before adopting a humanoid form that boasts superhuman strength, the ability to change size at will, and the ability to shape-shift. 

They aren’t mindless -- far from it. They boast an anthropomorphic intelligence, which makes them all the more dangerous.  

As to what drives them from their graves? Jealousy and bitterness towards the living. Relatable, honestly. 

The Jiangshi

(Note: I wish they were all as adorable as the one in this gif.)

This Chinese hopping corpse may have evolved into more of a vampire by Western influences, but it was originally far more zombie-like. And a unique zombie at that. 

Due to rigor mortis, the Jiangshi hops stiffly from place to place, holding its arms straight out. What’s even more singular is their origin. Try to guess. Go ahead, try. You won’t be able to.

The Jiangshi is what occurs when a bereaved family, lacking the proper funds to send their loved one’s body back to their ancestral land for burial, hires a necromancing corpse driver to reanimate the cadaver and guide it as it hops back to its resting place. They’d travel at night to avoid or minimize decay, either prodded by a stick or to the beat of a drum.

Other ways to create a Jiangshi include improper burial, suicide, or possession.

Looking upon a Jiangshi is said to be bad luck, and presumably very unpleasant. However, the real problem is their insatiable appetite. 

But fear not: if you see an unhealthy looking fellow hopping towards you with pasty, possibly decaying skin, you can protect yourself with mirrors, the hooves of a black donkey, or the wood of a peach tree. They can also be scared off by the sound of a crowing rooster, though that would require a bit of planning, and the cooperation of the rooster in question. Which, knowing roosters, is unlikely. 

Haitian Zombies

All legends of the undead have roots in real tragedies, but this one is particularly upsetting -- and the source of the zombie legend in the Western world today.

The enslaved people of Haiti believed that death would set them free, sending them back to an idyllic version of their homeland unburdened by colonialism. But only if death came naturally. Suicide would turn them into mindless husks, carrying out the drudgery of their captors. A haunting parallel to the practice of slavery itself. 

The concept was introduced to a contemporary audience by the 1932 film White Zombie, which sees a white “voodoo master” (who clearly didn’t know anything about the actual Voodoo religion) using witchcraft to create obedient slaves. He eventually uses this (ahem) “”voodoo”” on a white woman to try and force her to fall in love with him. 

With the term “zombie” in public consciousness, it became an applicable allegory for all of society’s ills, and can now be used to refer to anything from mob mentality to consumerism. But few are as haunting and as disturbing as its origins.

Videos on zombies: 

The Origin of the Zombie, from Haiti to the US

Where Zombies Come From

100 Hundred Years of Zombie Evolution in Pop Culture

Best Contemporary Zombie Movies*

*That I know of. Will update with more.

Night of the Living Dead - Though White Zombie introduced the term, it was arguably this film that popularized zombies as we know them today, particularly as an allegory for herd mentality and consumerism. Its successors, including Day of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead, prove similarly influential. 

The Evil Dead Trilogy - Established that zombies can be fun, while also serving as an allegory for various societal problems. Also features undead that are refreshingly ravenous and evil without necessarily being mindless.

The Re-Animator - These days, the average zombie movie pushes the bounds of creativity is “make ‘em faster!” The Re-Animator’s take on the genre, however, would make Mary Shelley proud. Based loosely on the Lovecraft story, “Herbert West - Reanimator,” the films greatest triumph is its ability to have fun with its grisly premise, and compel the audience to have fun, too. It’s also a cautionary tale about why it’s important to be careful while getting a roommate. 

Shaun of the Dead - I’m not kidding. This film is great, and shows that you don’t need a serious tone to be heartfelt, scary, or provide a thought-provoking social commentary. Way back when I was a sixteen-year-old college freshman, I turned up to class as a zombie cheerleader, and my psychology professor recommended Shaun of the Dead to me. She’s a woman of impeccable taste, and it did not disappoint. 

28 Days Later - Before Cillian Murphy gave us Tommy Shelby, a gangster so pretty he could give Al Capone a sexual identity crisis, he was proving his mettle in the zombie-addled UK. For 2020 reasons, watching him wander the abandoned streets of London with a questionable haircut feels very topical. Add a stellar performance from Naomie Harris, and there’s a reason it sent me into a bisexual panic it’s considered a modern classic of the genre. 

Little Monsters - An egregiously underrated flick, featuring a kindergarten teacher (who happens to be, you know, Lupita Nyong’o) protecting her class during a zombie outbreak. A must watch if you want a zombie movie with a powerhouse lead, a happy ending, and perhaps the most badass kindergarten teacher in cinematic history. 

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 5: Thai Food and Realizations

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

AO3 Link

I got this one out QUICK because I'm moving this week and packing is taking up 94% of my brainpower but!! It's out on time!! If I ever have to delay a chapter, I’ll post an update here on my blog. Also, I don’t usually do taglists, but I have had a few people ask - so if you want to be added to a taglist for new chapters, just shoot me a message! I love you all so much, thank you for the continued support and comments!!! <3

Summary:  You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter: 5, Thai Food and Realizations

Chapter Summary: You decide to talk to Hotch after the Matthews incident, and wind up discovering a lot more about both of you than you bargained for.

Words: 2616

Rating: Explicit, 18+ 

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

You weren’t prepared with the immense boredom that came with actually having free time.

The rest of the team had closed the case and flown back (at least you assumed they had; you hadn’t checked), and Hotch had texted you not to bother coming back in until they got a new assignment. You were grateful for the courtesy - a little time to decompress after almost being murdered was nice - but after months of having almost no life outside of the internship, you weren’t entirely sure what to do with yourself.

By the time day four rolled around, you had caught up on the reading you’d been meaning to get to, deep cleaned twice, tried and failed to get into running, and sought out at least a dozen other forms of mindless entertainment. You tried not to think about the fact that this would be the perfect time to catch up with friends if you actually had any, but your college and post-college life spent studying like a madwoman to land a position with the BAU hadn’t exactly lent itself to a healthy social life. There were acquaintances, of course, people you’d spent time with, college boys you’d dated briefly, but none of them had ever lasted. Gotten close.

None of them had ever killed a man for you.

That was the core of it, right? The reason you couldn’t get him out of your head? He’d only known you for a few months, not like the rest of his team that he’d dedicated years to, and yet he didn’t hesitate to end someone’s life in brutal fashion to save yours. You were grateful, of course, given the alternative, but a part of you felt bad. Given his history, he was already encumbered with enough trauma - the last thing he’d needed was another death on his conscience.

That was his decision to make.

That’s what you told yourself, at least. Or tried to. But after four days of the guilt eating at you and failing to distract yourself from it, that thought stopped being reassuring. That evening, after a couple glasses of wine, you finally worked up the courage to acknowledge the idea that had been tossing around in the periphery of your mind for a while.

Committing to action before you convinced yourself this was a dumb idea - and it was, of course, but the slight buzz and four days of isolation said otherwise - you called in an order to the Thai place down the street and heaved yourself off the couch. You tried not to care about how you looked, but changed your outfit an embarrassing number of times before you got the text that your order was ready.

When you first started at the BAU, Garcia had sent you a directory of all the team members’ information. You remembered asking her why their home addresses were on the list - that’s kind of unnecessary, isn’t that, like, personal?  you’d said - and you remembered the sad look she’d given you by way of an answer. Turns out the job had followed them all home at one point or another, usually in a way that required rescuing. As you checked the directory for Hotch’s address, you considered that this information was probably only intended to be used if you needed to save him from an unhinged serial killer breaking into his home, but you figured “thanking your boss for snapping a man’s neck to save your life” was a satisfactory enough purpose.

Turns out, Hotch lived in an apartment only a few blocks away from yours. After picking up the takeout order, you started to make the trek. The closer you got, however, the more your confidence started to waver, and not just because you started to realize how weird you were about to look. Even in the dimming light of the evening, you could tell from the building facades that you were entering a much more well-to-do part of downtown. The storefronts and restaurants occupying the bottom floor of brick condos looked more high-class, the cars parked along the sidewalk more expensive and well-maintained. It made sense given his status in the FBI that Hotch could afford to live in an area like this, but still, you hadn’t imagined it. You hadn’t imagined him living outside of work at all, actually - like an elementary school teacher, it was strange to think that he had a life outside of his job.

You stopped outside of the address on your cell phone, a greystone, ivy-covered apartment building. The doorman saw you pause at the threshold and opened the door from the inside.

“Visiting, I assume?” he asked, as you stepped inside.

Still in shock at the fact that you were in the sort of area that had doormen, you nodded. “Um, yes, Agent Hotchner? I mean, Aaron Hotchner? I work with him. For him, actually. He doesn’t know I’m coming.”

The doorman gracefully ignored your verbal fumbling. “Do you have a badge?”

It made sense that Hotch would use that as a barrier to entry. Smart. You nodded again and produced it from your bag. He waved you on to the stairwell, where you made the climb to the fourth and topmost floor.

You stuttered to a stop outside his door at the very end of the hall. Suddenly overcome with nerves, you took a mental stock of yourself: slightly winded from the four-floor climb, dressed in an oversized sweater and leggings, hair less-than-artfully windswept, hands slightly shaking with adrenaline, clutching a bag of takeout. Not the image you wanted to present to your boss.

God, this was such a fucking stupid idea.

You started to turn away, intending to leave the way you came, when the door in front of you flew open. You yelped, dropping the bag, and turned back to see Hotch standing in the doorway. He was in his work pants, still, but a plain black t-shirt replaced his usual button-up. His left hand was on the half-open door, right hand behind his back, no doubt holding his gun. You put your hands up sheepishly in surrender.

“Hey, Agent Hotchner. Sorry. I just wanted to-”

“What are you doing here?” he interrupted, eyebrows screwed up in confusion.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to, um, thank you. For saving me, the other day. I brought you dinner.”

He continued to look at you like you’d just grown two heads.

You leaned down and picked up the bag of food, holding it out towards him lamely. He looked down at it and finally seemed to relax, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry. I don’t get many- I wasn’t expecting a visitor. Please, come in.”

It hadn’t occurred to you that he might invite you in, but you weren’t about to pass up the opportunity to see Aaron Hotchner’s apartment. You stepped in, and he replaced the gun he was holding back in a drawer by the entryway, locking the door behind you. You were suddenly overcome with sorrow, knowing his life had progressed in such a way that hearing footsteps outside his door was a cause for alarm.

The apartment was nearly as intimidating as the man himself. Tall, industrial ceilings loomed over the open, warehouse-style floorplan, populated by neutral furnishings. An exposed brick wall on the left housed a stainless-steel kitchen, while a king-sized bed on the far right wall was placed near the only closed portion of the space, which you guessed was the bathroom. The windows were numerous - multi-paned and massive, but curtains were drawn over most of them. It was all a reflection of Hotch - impressive and somewhat cold.

There was a single photo, from what you could see, in the entire apartment - a small frame on the otherwise file-covered coffee table between the couch and flatscreen. It was a photo of Hotch, a woman, and a young child. You found yourself drawn towards it, as Hotch took the bag from you to set it on the kitchen island, and you walked over to pick it up. He was smiling in the photo - a genuine smile, not the tight-lipped imitations you caught a few times at the office - and the sight filled you with emotion. Who was he before you met him? A father, a husband, of course, but what was he like?  Did he laugh at Prentiss and Morgan’s off-color jokes instead of chiding them, did he go out to social gatherings with the team? Did he spare emotion when speaking to a victim’s family, as he so rarely did now? Would he have broken a man’s neck without thought like he did to Matthews?

“You’ll stay for dinner?”

You quickly set the frame back down.

“Oh, no, I wasn’t planning on it. Like I said, I just wanted to thank you. I’ve been thinking about it the last few days and I just feel… bad. I guess. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Why would you feel bad?”

You hesitated, trying to avoid the truth - that he didn’t need another body on his conscience. He waited for an answer, and when he didn't receive one, he stepped closer and scanned your face. "What aren't you telling me?"

You weren't keeping anything from him, not really, you just didn't want it to sound like you were calling his mental state into question like you did at the hotel. It didn't matter though, because he had apparently pulled the answer from your expression already.

“You think I’m damaged. And that killing Matthews somehow added to that.”

There was no point in even attempting to lie to him, so you stayed silent.

Hotch sighed and pulled out a seat at the kitchen island. You took it and watched him distribute the takeout containers between the two of you, noticing that despite insisting you weren’t intending to stay for dinner, you’d ordered plenty of food for two people.

Profiling yourself is the worst.

“When Haley and I were married,” Hotch began, picking at his curry, “I took her for granted. I spent more late nights at work than I can count, and I always assumed she would be there when I got home. She was, at first, and then she wasn’t.”

You nodded, afraid to speak, trying not to disturb the moment you’d somehow stumbled upon.

“She had an affair. I never confronted her about it, but I knew. I didn’t hate her for it, but when she asked for a divorce, I let her go without a fight. I wanted the best chance to keep Jack in my life and I didn’t want things to get ugly between us. It worked - I got to see Jack; we were amicable.”

He paused before continuing, “They were killed a few years later by George Foyet. We mismanaged that case. He was ahead of us the entire time; we couldn’t catch up. When we finally caught him, after Haley and Jack-” His voice finally broke, and he set down his fork, staring at the counter.

“He surrendered. I didn't care.”

“You beat him to death,” you whispered. You’d looked up the case file, after JJ had told you what happened.

He nodded, seemingly unsurprised you were familiar with the details. “I was never charged, hardly investigated. No one blamed me. I took some time off, and I came back. I thought about going back to law, but I didn’t.”

He looked up at you, meeting your gaze. “Why didn’t I?”

You blinked away the tears that were forming, confused.”I-I’m sorry?”

“Why didn’t I go back to law? Leave the BAU? You should know the answer.”

“Are you asking me to profile you?”

He nodded in confirmation. “You’re not going to offend me, don’t worry.”

Hotch was the last person you wanted to profile, especially to his face, but you knew better than to try to refuse.

“You... wanted a sense of purpose. If you could keep the same thing from happening to other people, it would make up for what happened to your family,” you responded quietly. It was an easy answer, but it still felt wrong to put Hotch on display like that, especially after he’d already revealed more to you than you’d ever seen him do with anyone.

“Correct,” he said, without a hint of the bitterness you’d have expected to accompany that statement.

“And did it? Help, I mean?”

He studied your face, as if trying to decide whether to grant you the answer. You were suddenly aware of the strangeness of the situation - sitting feet away from your boss in his own apartment talking about the darkest moments of his life. This was insight you doubted he’d ever given before, and as you glanced over his mussed hair, the black t-shirt, caught a whiff of his cologne, you tried not to think about the implications of that statement.

Clearing his throat and raising his eyebrows, he turned back to his food. “It did. It does, most of the time. The rest of the team has been exceptionally understanding, perhaps more so than I deserve.”

“You deserve everything they can give you,” you said with a small smile. “From what they’ve told me, you’ve done the same for each of them several times over.”

“It’s my job,” Hotch said, but you could tell he softened at hearing how his team regarded him.

You both went back to your food, finishing the meal in relative silence - the kind that was comfortable, where you both knew that everything that needed to be said for now, had been. At least, the silence probably felt comfortable to him. Your mind was in overdrive.

Everything Hotch had said and done the last few months that had caused you to falter - the way he shook your hand when you first signed onto the BAU internship, the innocuous moments of praise, that goddamn tie - they were circling your mind like a vulture waiting for the kill. You had tried to brush those moments off, but hearing him open up like this, bare his soul, was too much. It was the next look you stole, watching him eat in quiet contemplation, faint remnants of the blush from the compliment you paid him still gracing his cheeks, that did you in.

You were pretty sure you were in love with Aaron Hotchner.

You were so, so unbelievably fucked.

____________

When Hotch bid you goodbye that night, after you helped clean up his kitchen (which allowing you to do had been a debate in itself), you had the brief, stupid thought that you should just be honest with him. How long, truly, were you going to be able to hide the fact that you were infatuated with your boss? Especially when your boss was in the business of reading people like books?

That idea went out the window, however, when he leaned against the doorway with his signature half-smile and said, “Thank you for everything tonight. I’m glad you’re on the team,” because you know where you wouldn't be, if you confessed your sudden realization? On the team. Hotch made it clear when he hired you, and every day since, that clear judgement was paramount to the team's success. There was no way he'd trust you to be unbiased in a situation that required it if he knew how you felt. And this position was too much to think about giving up, not after the years of studying and social isolation that allowed you to make the cut.

So, you can do this, you decided. You can lie to Aaron Hotchner.

Right?

[eldritch-elrics]

svsss: the (not so) grand return of peerless cucumber

so a LOT happened in the chapters i read last night (44-49) and i have. SO many thoughts

not as many as i had right after i read but i really had to go to bed so i couldn’t write them all up.....

i put some reactions in individual posts but i’ll repeat them here!

first of all. shang qinghua. fucked off to the demon realm. like, good for him? but also. i want to see my boy

binghe keeping sqq’s body??? xue yang vibes OFF the charts

so I’M IN LOVE WITH THE MUSHROOM PLOT

i love how every so often sv will hit me with a twist that is SO up my alley that i just. lose it a little bit

HE MADE HIMSELF A CLONE BODY OUT OF MAGICAL MUSHROOMS AND TRANSPORTED HIS SOUL INTO IT.

i love mushroom shit and i love bodyswapping and. my god.

the fact that sqq has died twice and been forced to inhabit 3 different bodies??? wei wuxian wishes he were this cool

sidenote but the mental image of sqq doing radio calisthenics in the forest is really funny. or maybe it’s just funny to me because of the associations i have with this one time in japanese class?

sqq’s new body looking like a cross between shen yuan and shen qingqiu is really interesting and perhaps... symbolic....?

also hey does this mean he doesn’t have to deal with the cureless poison anymore. i assumed that it would be cured in his eventual sexytimes with binghe but hmmm i guess not!

the point where i really lost it was when he realized he was disconnected from the system. i know now that it wasn’t permanent but that was just so interesting, how much he hates it and wants it gone. which makes sense! even though it has helped him get out of bad spots at times, it’s a sign that he’s not really from this world. now i’m just really curious what’s gonna happen to the system at the end of the novel. maybe it’ll shut off once he achieves the “goal” it’s seemed to have set for him and gets together with lbh?

also i’m glad that sqq seems to have matured a little bit in terms of his people skills / problem solving skills? though uh. remains to be seen how he’ll act in front of binghe when binghe realizes who he is

it also seems like i was completely wrong about sqq’s motivations for sacrificing himself lol. lot more selfish than i thought? but it makes sense! fun twist

mxtx sure likes to have her protagonists execute plots that they don’t tell the reader about until after they happen lol (i’m thinking of the golden core transfer)

uhh back to plot reactions

love the running joke about peerless cucumber. also the demon names... six balls <3

also hold on a minute, peerless cucumber is a dick joke? lmao

thank you airplane for making it clear binghe has a big dick. absolutely vital character information

so i’ve said this before but sqq’s narration really CARRIES this novel. here i’m thinking specifically about his diatribe against sha hualing’s nails

shl is pretty fun. sexy evil lady!

sqq can turn his fan into a blade. nie huaisang get ON that smh

yang yixuan my beloved!

also HAHA i predicted that sqq’s super mushroom powers could help the xin mo thing and i was RIGHT

so sqq is just. SO invested in getting the plot back on track. like with all the harem members and stuff. it’s so funny because like bro. surely you’ve noticed by now that things are going very differently than in pidw. and also... you don’t WANT to go back on the pidw track bc that would kill you!!!

so the system reactivates when binghe turns up right? i am thinking about. the fact that when it tries to reboot it’s like “contacting customer service”

WHO IS CUSTOMER SERVICE.

it’s so interesting because like... obviously the whole system thing is so much bigger than just A Book? it’s even got airplane trapped inside it. and he’s the fucking author! who is running this thing? and for what purpose?

sqq listening in on the gossip about how lbh is DEFINITELY obsessively in love with him was SO funny. poor man

so binghe. he has become so COLD

i don’t like it :(

once more. my dude go to therapy.

wait also random but sqq has a beard now and for some reason that’s so funny to me

life at the palace seems terrible lmao no one is doing ok

smh, mxtx protags keep dying and staying dead for huge amounts of time and then coming back in different bodies

the fact that binghe’s happiest memories are training with sqq :(

THE FACT THAT BINGHE IS ABSOLUTELY SHIT AT KISSING

my god. that entire scene

went from “awwww headpats” to “AAAAAAAA”

the fact that the system congratulates him i’m sjkdhgjhsdhgjsds poor sqq.... didn’t ask for this shit.......

after 50 chapters, he’s finally realized he turned the male lead gay <3 say goodbye to all those funny oblivious moments!

i had to stop there because it was way too late at night but wow. we shall see how this relationship progresses

i can’t see it improving anytime soon but at least sqq knows lbh likes him now???

i had a LOT of thoughts last night but now i’m pretty much just like. i really need to see where it goes before i make any judgements on bingqiu

rn i’m not a big fan because 1. sqq is so wildly uncomfortable (understandable lol, even if lbh thinks it’s just a dream) and 2. lbh is very obsessive and that’s not really my favorite trope. but like it’s obviously not meant to be a healthy relationship, at least definitely not right now, and i do like some good fucked up romance! i’m excited to see the developments where sqq realizes what his real feelings are

i’m also fairly neutral on binghe as a character atm. his main personality traits seem to be “obsessed with sqq” and “trying not to die from evil sword qi poisoning” and i don’t find that all that compelling? between him and lwj i have to say that mxtx’s love interest characters are not really my favorite, though i wouldn’t say i dislike either of them.

furthermore i’m slightly concerned with how lbh’s “i’m the main character and i get what i want” attitude is gonna affect the romance. i know there’s some dubconny stuff later which i can’t say i’m excited for but i am excited to see how binghe’s character is gonna develop in general

my aspirations for bingqiu is that they’re both able to eventually break free of the expectations of the system

because, look at this from sqq’s pov. there’s this ai in your head that has, for literal years, been steering you towards a romance that you (at least outwardly) don’t want. isn’t that fucking terrifying? i love it. the system (at least how i see it) has been bending the established plot of the world in order to make this happen. it’s like fate but you can see the gears turning.

and even if sqq does end up liking lbh back, can you imagine the existential crisis of like. wondering if he really CHOSE to get with binghe or if he was somehow compelled to by the system which acts based on binghe’s emotions?

i think that would be so interesting

however what i think is Actually going to happen (based on that one time when airplane was like “hey cucumber, uh, is lbh just a character to you or is there more...”) is that sqq is gonna realize that he’s had a bit of a crush on binghe since reading pidw and is only just now dealing with his internalized homophobia. so him getting together with binghe has less strings attached

i think there’s some opportunity here for a commentary on the soulmate trope? because svsss is just so steeped in themes about agency and fate. i think that would be really cool but we’ll have to see. i feel like the ending is gonna be simpler and happier than i want it to be but obviously i cannot make any judgements yet! i’m just having Thoughts :)

so, i also read one of the extras (the one where he goes with lqg to battle succubi) because the translation i’m reading recommended it! it was pretty fun

sqq SO clueless. like i get it, he doesn’t think he’s into anything other than Pretty Cis Women, but. sqq we’ll work on this

also ASKING LQG IF HE’S A VIRGIN. sqq literally stop

(that was so funny though)

liu qingge ACE RIGHTS

actually lqg’s outburst in this chapter was kind of bizarre and can be explained in a few different ways i think?

i really like the idea of him being aroace. thinks true love doesn’t exist etc

i feel like the intended implication of lqg’s outburst is that he’s realized madame meiyin is referring to binghe and is like “holy shit no sqq can’t be with Him”

maybe lqg is just homophobic?

but i. also kind of wonder if lqg is gay and in love with sqq? and is just putting up the “such deep love doesn’t exist” thing because he really doesn’t want sqq to know

there was that whole line where the succubus was like “well you’re not his soulmate you don’t know” and it made me think

on the other hand i can’t really see lqg liking sqq that way; they seem to have more of a Bro Bond

then again lqg does keep fighting binghe for sqq’s sake

either headcanon is fun! i’d be excited for more insight into lqg in general i think

[taelme]

Heyyy your Hyunjin demigod au is a literal MASTERPIECE !!! I was thinking about which god would fit each member of skz, what do u think ?

hmm good question anon... ok im not super well versed on this but im doing this based on like what I know and like the Vibes okay HAHHA 

Bang Chan: Poseidon: [ god of the sea, earthquakes, floods, drought and horses ]

I feel like he strikes me as fitting either Poseidon (maybe its because he says the ocean is his safe place and hes a beach boi 🤟) and idk why something about chan and water and swimming just feels very natural? like it feels comfortable if that makes sense... yeah, something about it is like commanding in a calm kind of way? which is kind of what I associate with Chan! tbh I was also considering Apollo for him because chan has established that sort of emotional-support Kpop boy image for himself HAHHA and hes really so sweet... but yeah I guess I thought Poseidon would fit better im not entirely sure why 

Lee Know/Minho: Prometheus: [ Titan god of forethought and crafty counsel ] 

this kid,,, I feel like he gives me alot of this energy? like judging from how Minho is usually the brain behind pranks against the other members or just how quick-witted he is? I feel like at the same time he’s very smart? like he has a pretty unsuspecting kind of intelligence that shouldn’t be underestimated, I mean the name prometheus itself already kind of hints at the intelligence part but at the same time he has a energy that’s quite like,,,guiding(?) if that makes sense.  

Changbin: Persephone [ goddess of agriculture, fertility; queen of the underworld ]

!!!! this was kind of hard to decide but I feel like what kind of drove my decision was that Changbin is very strong on the outside but he’s sensitive and he has so much love in him and he just wants to give his love to others and be loved(as we all do)! but that’s not to say thats what persephone wanted of course lol, but in this aspect I feel like Changbin is also quite assertive at the same time? (see: that video about the chart manipulation prank) and his duality kind of reminded me of this because of how the underworld is usually seen as something very dark and depressing but persephone was very beautiful and yeah,,, I hope that makes sense. 

Hyunjin: Apollo: [ Olympian god of prophecy and oracles, music, song and poetry, archery, healing, plague and disease, and the protection of the young ] 

ok before yall shit on me because I wrote hyunjin as a son of Aphrodite in the fic, I was kind of torn between Apollo and Aphrodite for him, because I feel like Hyunjin has a lot of ... softness? to him? like how he always wants to help stays overcome their problems or offer a listening ear to stays and how even from the music he recommends there's always a very calm/gentle/soothing vibe to it and there's even that sort of elegance to him in how he dances which is kind of the vibe I got from Hyunjin, but at the same time how he’s very intense when he wants to be and I could really see these qualities standing out in him!

Han Jisung: Artemis [ Olympian goddess of hunting, the wilderness and wild animals. She was also a goddess of childbirth, and the protectress of the girl child up to the age of marriage ] 

first of all, I had a really hard time deciding this HAHA but honestly I felt like Artemis was someone who gave me similar vibes to Jisung in terms of appearing unassuming but then releasing a hip fuck sin  actually having a lot of power and strength underneath that! and I feel like this really reminded me of Jisung, not only because performance wise hes quite similar but in terms of how his strength goes a lot beyond just performance? like mentally as well? yes Jisung best boy 

Felix: Aphrodite [ Olympian goddess of love, beauty, pleasure and procreation ]

ok. Felix is literally the sweetest boy I've ever seen. But I chose Aphrodite for him because something about him is very,,, contagious? how his positive and lovely energy just kind of makes the people around him want to be like that as well and I remember reading something about how Aphrodite had the power to ignite feelings of love in those around her (even animals) and I thought that was a very...Felix thing? Like even from his cute hobbies like how he bakes and cooks and he gets so much joy out of baking things for other people its just like u can really see how much he wants to spread love to others and i thought that was really beautiful so I chose Aphrodite for him! ( and also bc hes pretty as heck ) 

Seungmin: Athena [  Olympian goddess of wisdom and good counsel, war, the defence of towns, heroic endeavour, weaving, pottery and various other crafts ] 

Again! I was contemplating between Athena and Apollo because Seungmin also is another person that has so many like... poetic elegance to him and a gentle healing energy, but I chose Athena because I feel like Seungmin is someone that although they have these beautiful healing qualities as well, they’re also someone with a lot of depth and principle? and he’s very witty as well. But yes! he strikes me as someone that takes his studies seriously and his responsibilities as well, like I remember seeing that alot of the members voted him as the most hardworking in the group and I do stand by that! because Seungmin has a kind of quiet determination and discipline that kind of reminded me of Athena? because we all know being disciplined and hardworking really isn't easy... so yes! 

I.N/Jeongin: Astraea [ virgin-goddess of justice, innocence, purity and precision ] 

I was deciding between Astraea and Hebe for Jeongin as well but eventually I chose this one because what I thought of when I saw this was when chan said he saw Jeongin as a blank slate when he first met him, and I think something about Jeongin is that he has so many qualities that just scream youth. And I think that just from the qualities I named out above you can see how there's a child-like nature to it but also a very seasoned kind of feeling? like I just feel like this energy is a very.... as much as its youthful it’s also very wise? kind of thing. 

anyway anon I hoped this answered your question! thanks for the ask this was fun 

[agent-cupcake]

So, what do you think the femblem cast would do for jobs irl? Appreciate your stories by the way, beasty and the bard is my favorite so far

I’m trying to work through older asks more like I used to with HxH, shorter form stuff, you know? Anyway, this is silly so a good starting point (also thank you! I love writing that story and going through my inbox I saw so many kind messages. I didn’t reply to them, but know that everyone’s words mean more than I can say)

Dimitri - There’s fanart of him as a firefighter and I like that. However, I guess it’d make more sense if he had a net worth we could only dream of and inherited a company of some sort from his father so that’s what I’m going with. Aside from running that, I think Dimitri would be someone who uses his fortune to engage in a lot of philanthropic work. Also, bless modern mental health care. 

Dedue - If we’re going aesthetics, Dedue would also be a Firefighter. Or a famous chef, famous for his intimidating appearance contrasted with his world-famous dishes. Although, hear me out. Dedue was someone whose city or w/e was destroyed by negligence or conflict of some kind and he works with Dimitri to protect his people and built his home back up.

Felix - Raised in a wealthy military family, Felix enlisted and served in the Army as soon as he was able but became disillusioned with the military after the death of his brother and returned home. After that, he became super involved with martial arts and wound up opening a gym, inadvertently taking in other young and disillusioned kids and giving them a healthy method of self-expression.

Sylvain - Rich boy. Bad reputation. E-Celeb. He lends his skills to the social media inept Dimitri to promote and help with all of his philanthropic work. He does a lot of good things but keeps it under wraps to maintain his superficial image. 

Ingrid - She runs Dimitri’s personal security force with a side gig of anonymous restaurant reviewing.

Annette - Chemistry professor at a university and rabid overachiever who makes consistent strides in the science world and inspires her students. She knows the Faerghus crew because she’s gone to them to make a case for funding scholarship programs.

Mercedes - Mercedes went to school to became a nurse, which is where she met Annette, and then she met Felix through Annette. Since many of the kids at his gym aren’t likely to go to get actual medical help, he calls her if there are any incidents. At the same time, she is an active participant in her local church and charity drives.  

Ashe - Okay I think he’d have a really idealistic sense of justice as a kid, but that slowly became warped as he grew up. He met Ingrid through Felix’s gym and wound up getting a position on Dimitri’s security team, seeing the work that Dimitri does as a sort of justice.

Edelgard - I wanna say like a politician or lawyer, but the fictional kind where they have solid values and beliefs and do good things in the name of justice. Edelgard would be more vocal about her desire to change things entirely rather than follow the system as it is.  

Hubert - Obviously he works with Edelgard. Sharing her ideals of justice, he acts as a behind the scenes confidant of sorts. Irl he’d be a bit less simp-y, working with her because he believes in her ability to make a change rather than some blood-intrinsic duty.

Ferdinand -  Similar to Edeglard, but more invested in the idea of working within the system to make a change. Despite that conflict, they do work together quite often, respecting the ideals of the other and acknowledging that ultimately they do want the same thing.

Dorothea - Musical theater STAR who is very passionate about social issues, namely the treatment of younger and less famous people in the industry. She uses her platform to promote up and coming actors and all of the backstage production crews that are so often ignored and abused.

Caspar - Head of Edelgard’s security for sure. Grew up a rich kid but separated from his family pretty much completely, deciding to make his own way in the world.

Linhardt - Tech guy. Cybersecurity maybe? At some point, he got hired by Edelgard and works with Caspar bc ofc he does. He makes it clear that it’s not an issue of morality that makes him loyal, but because it’s a fun challenge. 

Petra - An ambassador from a smaller country trying to establish more friendly relations for her people. People underestimate her because of her language skills, which actually works out for her sometimes because they don’t expect her political maneuvering. 

Bernadetta - An extreme introvert who inherited her father’s company but manages most of it remotely, also focusing on her artistic endeavors. Probably has a super popular webcomic appealing to comically exaggerated introverts everywhere.  

Claude - He attended a prestigious university and quickly fell into a career in journalism. Not like, trashy tabloid style, but actual journalism that is well researched and meant to hold people in power accountable. His background and source of wealth are mysterious, leading people to spend an inordinate amount of time speculating about his race online. Claude also uses memes and snappy editing as misdirection. 

Hilda - She’s famous for being famous and rich. However, in the midst of all of that fame, she befriended Claude and actually came to stand for a cause. But on the lowest of keys, most of what she posts is makeup reviews and glamorous photos. Gamer girl.

Lorenz - His father's Thomas Wayne, but like... The bad Thomas Wayne from Joker. Weapon production and everything. Lorenz changes that, though, focusing more on those Bruce Wayne endeavors. Except he’s not Batman, but Batman’s flamboyant, eggplant-headed brother. I love Lorenz I’m sorry boo

Ignatz - An artist, of course. Works in animation, maybe? He’s drawn all of Hilda’s graphics and sprites and stuff. She even paid him!  

Raphael - He does a lot of manual labor, taking on odd jobs or anything in the name of supporting his sister. 

Lysithea - After graduating top of her class, she began working in the medical field, researching cures and other helpful medicine. Claude keeps her discoveries from going unacknowledged, and Edelgard has actually had a donation drive to fund Lysithea’s work. 

Marianne - She owns and runs an organization that focuses on taking on animal cruelty and taking care of mistreated animals. She’s incredibly organized and efficient in the way she handles things and sees results through her various charities and request for funding. 

Leonie - She works in a private security organization once run by Jeralt, taking on whatever job she gets hired for. Leonie is more interested in the work than the jobs. Drinking, too. 

[doomedandstoned]

Spelljammer Reveal Trippy New Vid, Talk ‘Abyssal Trip’

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

Interview by Billy Goate

Cover Art by Aaron Cahill

Our week of big interviews continues as we meet up with the ethereal doom outfit from Stockholm SPELLJAMMER and premiere a new music video, from their just released second LP, dropped only weeks ago on RidingEasy Records and now the number one album on the Doom Charts.

'Abyssal Trip' (2021) is an enthralling listen from edge to center, with lavish textures, deep thematic content, and unforgettably emotive atmosphere that will stick with you for life. Enjoy it as you read the revealing conversation with Niklas Olsson (guitar, vox) and Robert Sörling (guitar) that follows as we unpack their steller new spin, talk nerdy gear shit, and contemplate humanity's fate.

And now, Doomed & Stoned is pleased to bring you the world premiere of the brand new video for that epic third track, "Among The Holy."

Give ear...

Spelljammer - Among The Holy (music video)

You guys have been a band now for damn near 15 years, maybe longer. Most bands don't make it past two years! What is the "key" to the band staying together for so long and continuing to find inspiration for creating new music?

Rob: I don’t think it’s been 15 years just yet but we are getting there, haha. None the less - that’s a really interesting question! Nik and I started the band much because we share the same taste in music, film and, well, art in general. I think that's the core keeping it all together. Also, there have been a few constellations of band members over the years, all with their own dynamic. I think these kinds of changes, and the new directions of the music because of that, is part of the inspiration. Maybe another reason is that we all live in different cities and because of that sometimes a lot of time passes between rehearsals, writing sessions and such, making us always craving for new Spelljammer jams and songs.

Nik: The craving yes. And another reason I think is the fact that we’ve never really been in a rush to get anywhere. Anything Spelljammer, the music included, takes time. If we had been set on making it, this thing probably would have fallen apart a long time ago.

Abyssal Trip by Spelljammer

How did the theme for Abyssal Trip originate?

Nik: I have always been more drawn to the feelings or emotions you get from a riff or piece of music than to any theme of a lyric. But I would say that any themes came in at the lyrics state, which is at the end of the process. But the themes aren’t that specific to any of the albums. I think I cast a pretty wide net in the beginning and stuck to it. For the next album perhaps we will venture more into unchartered waters. We’ll see.

What fascinates you about the Great Abyss of the ocean?

Nik: I totally get that the word abyss conjures up images of ocean trenches and, yes, the ocean is a fascinating and to a large extent undiscovered place. However, when I wrote that I wasn’t necessarily thinking of the ocean but more the abyss of our own minds. But I think it’s a word that evokes many things, like despair and doom, and it is of course totally open to interpretation.

Is mankind doomed or do we have time to correct our course?

Nik: I’m not as pessimistic of a person as the lyrics may suggest. I think we will be here on earth for a long time. Mankind is clever (perhaps too clever for her own good) even if there are a lot of people hell-bent on trying to screw up everything for everybody else.

Rob: Yes, and considering how ignorant and careless (some) people are acting during this pandemic, at least over here, makes you wonder if there’s any hope at all.

Nik: People are the worst. Ultimately, though, none of it matters because we’re all doomed.

Have you guys seen any good movies/documentaries or read any good books lately that inspired you or otherwise challenged your thinking about life, the present, or the future?

Rob: I can’t say that I’ve seen or read anything recently that challenged me significantly, I guess I’m getting too old to be that overwhelmed haha. The film A Ghost Story though was kind of cool though because it was different, slow and weird (in a good way), and for me it’s always inspiring to read/see/hear something that makes you think, "Man, I wish I had come up with that idea”.

Nik: Absolutely! Punch Drunk Love, Moon, and Office Space are definitely movies like that. I have watched so many movies and series through this pandemic and I can’t remember any of them right now. But I did just notice that there is a season 3 of Loudermilk on HBO! If you haven’t already, see it! I’m currently reading "Homeward Bound, The Life of Paul Simon” by Peter Ames Carlin. It’s a good read about one of my favorite musicians.

For recording this album, what kind of gear did you use and what production/engineering considerations did you have to take into account?

Rob: Since we did a remote recording in the countryside we had to use whatever stuff that we could fit into a couple of cars. I have a couple of old audio interfaces that I linked for a total of 16 channels. I also have a small collection of mics (nothing fancy) and we used them all and the rest was borrowed. We set up the drums in the living room and put the guitar and bass rigs as far away as we could (the adjacent rooms) to avoid bleed and just focused on getting the rhythm tracks done. The goal was to get us all in the same room and to catch the vibe from a relaxed rehearsal kind of situation. The bass rig used was a Orange Terror Bass and an Ampeg SVT 810 and the guitar was tracked through a Reval Mark I and/or Orange TH-100 and a Orange PPC 412. Of course there’s always some unforeseen problem lurking and this time it was the electricity in the old country house.

Nik: I don’t use many effects, just a fuzz. For this one I used a Supercollider from Earthbound Audio. It is exactly what the name suggests. That’s all you need really.

The album cover is amazing! It reminds me, in some strange way, of the creature in the old B-movie Robot Monster (1953). What's the story behind the artwork?

Nik: It definitely has a B-movie vibe that I really like. I’m afraid I can’t really tell you much about it other than the artist name is Aaron Cahill and you can find his stuff on Instagram under the name nghbrs.

I filmed your first US appearance at Psycho Las Vegas in 2016. Fans want to know: do you have ambitions of returning to North America once the world sorts out this pandemic?

Rob: Yes, that’s our first and only US appearance so far and we wouldn’t mind at all returning to Vegas or any other part of the US. For now it’s really hard making any plans at all. In fact, you would think that this kind of isolation would enhance creativity, and maybe for some it does, but for us it’s actually been the most unproductive period so far for Spelljammer. So I’m hoping that by the time this thing blows over we get the inspiration back both for writing/recording new music, and in time hopefully revisiting the US!

Nik: I agree, playing at Psycho Las Vegas was a blast. I hope we get another opportunity to come back some day.

Spelljammer at Psycho Las Vegas/a>

Some Buzz

“The vastness of everything is something that I think about a lot,” says Spelljammer bassist/vocalist Niklas Olsson. And it certainly shows in both the expansive, sludgy sounds and contemplative lyrics of the Stockholm, Sweden based trio. Following a 5-year break between their previous album, Ancient of Days — perhaps fittingly spent pondering said vastness — Spelljammer is back with an album that perfectly bridges the band’s earlier desert rock leanings and their later massive, slow-burning riffs.

'Abyssal Trip' (note: carefully reread that album title) takes its moniker from the perpetually dark, cold, oxygen-free zone at the bottom of the ocean. The 6-song, 44-minute album fittingly embodies that bleak realm with rumbling, oozing guitars intercut with dramatic melodic interludes. The songs take their time to unfurl, making them even more hypnotic. Likewise, the lyrics take a poetic approach to establishing the sonic scenery.

“The lyrical themes we address, like the ultimate doom of man, and the search and longing for new and better worlds, are still there,” Olsson says. “The concept of something undiscovered out there in vast emptiness is pretty much always present.”

The recording process for Abyssal Trip differs from previous releases in that the band — guitarist Robert Sörling, drummer Jonatan Rimsbo and Olsson — opted to capture the performances while holed up in the mental bathysphere of a house in the countryside near Stockholm. “The songs benefitted from the relaxed environment of being away from everything,” Olsson explains. Indeed, the album sounds confident and meticulously arranged, afforded by the band’s isolation. Sörling mixed the album and it was mastered by Monolord drummer Esben Willems at Berserk Audio.

Album opener “Bellwether” begins dramatically with a very slow, nearly minute-long fade in of rumbling distortion setting the stage for heavily distorted bass and guitar plucking out the lugubrious riff for another minute and a half before the drums begin, and likewise equally as long before vocals gurgle to the surface. “Lake” abruptly shifts gears, opening with an unusually fast gallop before rupturing into thundering doom that soon drops into a clean-tone Middle Eastern melodic breakdown.

The title track serves as the album centerpiece, opening with ominous film dialogue about blood sacrifice that launches into pummeling, detuned guitars rumbling over gut-punching drums and howling vocals hearkening to the proto-sludge of Pink Floyd’s “The Nile Song.” The dynamic relents briefly for a slow building clean guitar melody before all instruments lock into a jerking riff topped off by a trilling Iommi style lead. Throughout, Abyssal Trip is, just like its title suggests, an epic tour through desolate zones which yields much to discover.

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[ordinaryschmuck]

What I thought about every episode of The Owl House Season 1 (Part 2/2)

Part two, sukers! Let’s do this. Click here to read part one.

“Senses and Insensitivity”: The B-plot in this episode is outstanding. It shows the audience more about Eda and Lilith's love for each other as sisters, which actually gets a lot more heartbreaking, given what happens in "Agony of a Witch." I loved every minute of it...which is why it makes it weird that it's just the B-plot. Because while the main story is ok, I could do without it. It makes King look like a jerk, and in no way does it feel like he means it when he apologizes. Plus, the fact that Luz and King get saved by Dana's self-insert and don't even do anything to stop Piniet just doesn't sit right with me. Although, I do find the jokes about fandom mentality to be pretty funny. If it wasn't for Eda's storyline with Lilith, "Senses and Insensitivity" might just be a C+ of an episode. As is, I'll be kind enough to give it a B-.

“Adventures in the Elements'': And here it is. The episode that everyone saw months beforehand because some jackhole decided to leak it to the internet. And what an episode it is. We get some great mentor/motherly moments from Eda. Some perfect course correction from Ed and Em going from unlikable antagonists to decent supporting characters. Having Luz learn a second spell, and having the growth between her and Amity's relationship. And a semi-enjoyable B-plot with King and an army of stuffed animals (which is just as funny as it sounds). My problem? Pacing. While King's subplot about an army of stuffed animals is fun, I feel like more time should have been dedicated to Luz getting trained by Eda. That way, it’ll feel natural to see as Luz reaches her breaking point due to going nowhere with Eda's training, which would feel justified rather than making Luz come across as kind of whiney in the episode (at least to me, she does). Another issue I have is with how Luz and Amity's relationship is presented in this episode. It genuinely feels like we skipped an episode because Amity went from "thinking about it" to getting distracted by waving at her bestie. Now keep in mind, I'm the first one to say "who cares" when people bring up the poor pacing in Luz and Amity's relationship due to Disney having little to nothing in terms of LGBTQ+ representation in children's animation. But the thing is, their relationship feels more properly paced in future episodes, but it's not the case here. So it's gonna have to be another B- in that regard.

(And seriously, don't ever leak episodes from a show, even if it's your favorite. Because not only does it ruin the experience for fans who want to support it the right way, but it also hurts the show itself. Because if people stop watching episodes, guess what? They'll stop making them. And nobody wants that.)

“The First Day”: Is it odd that I like an episode that's clearly not great? Because there's so much about "The First Day" that I enjoy. I like the entirety of the detention track and the fact that they're not typical troublemakers. I like the message about how it's unfair to force children to learn something they're not interested in because it's for a "better education." And I would frickin' take a bullet for Puddles. Unfortunately, this episode has some of the worst pacing in the series. Let's look at what this episode has to accomplish: It has to force Luz into a track and explain why it's a poor fit for her. It has to have Luz be interested in another track and get in trouble due to being too curious. It has to establish a connection between Luz and the detention track so they can have a heartbreaking third-act breakup. It has to set up, then introduce, a monster that will try to destroy Hexide. And finally, defeating the creature has to tie into why it's a good idea for students to mix tracks. That is a lot to do in under twenty-two minutes, and it makes the episode feels like it’s on fast foward at times. I'd say the solution would be to cut King's substitute teacher subplot (which only has value with one good joke), but that would only give "The First Day" a couple of extra seconds. So, really, the only way to "fix" the episode is to probably give it a few minutes by making it a forty-five-minute special. I'm sure fans wouldn't mind that. They love Luz and her journey enough that I'm sure they would be more than ok to see a more lengthy experience through the halls of Hexide. But that's not what we got, so it's gonna have to be a D+ episode. I don't hate it, but I don't blame others who do.

“Really Small Problems”: "Ugh, it's the cliche--" WE'VE! BEEN! OVER THIS! Does this episode have a cliche storyline? Yes. Is this pretty much the first filler episode of the series? Of course. But is it still entertaining? Without a doubt. There are great jokes, adorable moments with Luz and King's friendship, and little moments that I love. Like the fact that it was an accident that King shrunk Willow and Gus, and how Luz treated the situation calmly and rationally instead of blowing her stack. "Really Small Problems" may not be high up on my favorites list, but it's at least a fun B episode that was well worth a single viewing.

“Understanding Willow”: You wanna know what impresses me the most about The Owl House? The fact that Dana and her writers knew what the fans exactly want before they even started asking for it. The fans wanted to know what happened between Willow and Amity, and so the staff showed us. Fans wanted to see what Mr. and Mrs. Blight are really like, and the staff showed us. Fans wanted a Luz and Amity centric adventure, and the staff gave it to us. And because they've been working on the first season long before fan input started coming out, that means that we were going to get what we want before even having to ask. Most shows would save content in "Understanding Willow" for a second and even third season, so it amazes me that the writers waste no time in giving us the good stuff. Add that with a great "I'm sorry" speech from Amity, cute moments between her and Luz, Luz being an understanding friend, and Eda's bell dance, and you've got yourself an A+ of an episode.

As I said, I've already reviewed the last four episodes. But if you're interested in what I have to say, here are the condensed versions of my thoughts. Click the episode titles if you want to see the full review: 

“Enchanted Grom Fright”: Speaking of giving the fans what they want, the fans have been obsessed over Lumity damn near since the beginning, myself included. So now you're gonna give us a prom episode filled with flirting in the hallway, a dope dance sequence, and the reveal that Amity has a crush on Luz? All while showing more of Luz's relationship with her mother and the fear Luz has of telling Camila the truth?! Then consider this an A+ episode that might just be a crucial moment in Disney's history!

“Wing it Like Witches”: This is a fantastic episode. And no, it's not because of Amity's gay panic attacks towards Luz...ok, it's partially because of that. But it's also because this episode shows how far characters come developmental wise. Willow became more confident, and Amity is actually part of the group now. It all comes together when the most developed characters team up against one who'll most likely get little development. It's a solid A of an episode that always leaves me smiling when I watch it.

“Agony of a Witch”: Yup. The single image of Luz crying is still enough to tear me up inside. And man, what an episode. The tension, the drama, the REVEAL! Lilith admitting she cursed Eda still shocks me because it could not have been farther from what I expected. Especially given the sisterly bond that we've seen in past episodes. So yeah, this is another A+ for sure.

“Young Blood, Old Souls”: I've heard some people say that the season finale is underwhelming, and I think I know why? You see, this has what I like to call Infinity War to Endgame syndrome. Part one does a great job of setting up the tension and stakes, that part two seems to pale in comparison in an attempt to relieve some of that tension. Because since part one ended, people have been hyping themselves up for part two to be such an epic conclusion that it couldn't have completely lived up to the ridiculously high standards. It's the same reason why I never felt disappointed with either Avengers: Endgame or "Young Blood, Old Souls." I had high expectations, sure, but I also reminded myself that there is a chance that either might be unenjoyable. And guess what? I consider Avengers: Endgame an A+ movie and "Young Blood, Old Souls" an A+ episode. Is either story perfect? No, but here's the thing. I could list all the nitpicks I have, or I could keep my big mouth shut and just enjoy it for the parts that are perfect.

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And that's it! That's what I think about every single episode of The Owl House so far. As for my thoughts on the show itself, I think it's incredible. It has a nice balance of comedy and drama with specific episodes, has an intriguing story, and includes some of the best representation that Disney has had in decades. But that doesn't mean the show is perfect. Pacing can be a bit off at times, some B-plots are just unnecessary to pad out the time, and not every joke can land. But to be fair, this is season one. Dana Terrace and her crew have more than enough time to polish out the rough parts for what is hoped to be a better season two. And I still can’t to see what they have in store for us.

[littlepurinsesu]

V Watches MagiReco - Episode 13 Review

*Spoilers for Magia Record Anime Episode 13*

(This review will focus on Episode 13 only. I will be writing a separate review for the anime season as a whole!)

I have so many mixed feelings about this episode that I honestly don’t even know where to start LOL xD There are some parts that I hated and some that I loved, and so many reactions ranging from “WTH WAS THAT?!?” to “UH OKAY...” to “OMG YASSSSS!!!!!”

I’ll going to try my best to unpack my thoughts as coherently as possible, but this review will probably still end up being the most incoherent of them all because of all my mixed feelings for all the changes the anime made xD

To start, Mifuyu is definitely more antagonistic in the anime compared to what I remember of her in the game lol. And honestly I feel cheated that they always seem to tease us with some kind of confrontation between Yachiyo and Mifuyu, but the latter always summons that giant moon and escapes before anything can happen. It’s honestly a little anti-climactic and a bit of a waste, what with all the tension they’ve been building between these two, but then again, it doesn’t really happen in the game, either, so I guess it’s not really the anime’s fault for not “delivering” haha :P

Alright, since I’m going in chronological order, may as well get the biggest disappointment out of the way first: Iroha and Yachiyo’s argument. I don’t think I can even begin to put into words how utterly disappointed I was with this part, seeing as it was one of the most crucial plot points in the game and definitely one of Iroha’s most shining moments. Firstly, the way Yachiyo revealed her wish lacked emotion and impact for me. The music didn’t even change, and there was no sense of this being the revelation of a huge secret/mystery that the story has kept under wraps all this time. At least they added a nice flashback sequence to show Yachiyo’s past and the reasoning behind her wish, rather than having it all just come out of her mouth verbally, so props to them for that, but I was still quite unimpressed with the way they went about this pivotal moments.

Next up in my complaints is the Rumour. I was so, so, so ready to see my girl Iroha finally standing up and holding her own in a battle, especially considering how weak she’s been portrayed throughout the past 12 episodes. I was expecting an intense fight with the Rumour--some struggle, some more determination, anything. But no, another case of what I call the “one-shot curse”. Iroha literally just ran up to the Rumour, aimed her arrow, shot, and BAM it’s gone. One of the most crucial battles in the story lasted about 20 seconds in total (yes, I was so petty and pissed off that I went back and counted lmao), and the way Iroha suddenly “powered up” so drastically made no logical sense to me at all. We never even saw her gradually increase in power or fighting capability throughout the story so far. Heck, she’s hardly even done anything in the past battles, and suddenly she can one-shot a Rumour all by herself? How. Pray tell, how.

And the final major complaint that follows on from this chain of unhappy ranting: Iroha and Yachiyo solidifying their friendship. I did like the way the screen melted away to reveal Iroha standing in front of Yachiyo, almost like a mirror image. Sadly, that’s the only thing I liked about it LOL. Iroha getting angry at Yachiyo was such an important development and such a huge moment for our protagonist, but here it just... doesn’t happen? She’s still the same smiling and gentle Iroha we always knew. Which is nice and all, but in my opinion, we really needed to see kindhearted and soft-spoken Iroha truly snap. We needed to see Iroha speak up and tell Yachiyo to cut her bs and to declare herself the leader. And the way Yachiyo accepts so quickly and hardly even tries to put up an argument is just... I don’t even know what to say anymore apart from constantly question why they had to rush so many crucial moments, to the point where they had zero emotional impact. I often wonder if I’d still have these complaints if I didn’t play the game and have expectations of how I wanted/wished/expected certain things to be adapted. So I dunno, maybe I wouldn’t have a problem with these things at all if I went into the anime blind ^^;;

Oh, and another thing that made zero sense to me was how Iroha went from being perfectly normal to unable to walk or talk within the span of about two seconds. Logically, I get that she probably used up too much magic one-shot-ing that Rumour just before, but they could’ve at least had her show some signs of physical strain during her talk with Yachiyo so that the sudden transition of her physical state doesn’t feel so abrupt and out of nowhere. I guess this is a minor detail that I can let slide, but it just reminds the viewer again and again of the problems that come with rushing. And rushing for what? Well...

The second half of the episode is an obvious answer. They were clearly rushing these game-story moments to fill up the rest of the episode with anime-original content. And while I’m still bitter at what the cost was, I will ironically say that the second half of this week’s episode had some very pleasant and interesting surprises! (Apologies for all the salt and negativity so far ^^;; Finally, onto the positives!)

I’d been wondering for a while if we were going to meet Holy Mami this week, even though the anime had already established Mami as a member of the Wings of Magius earlier on. And I did genuinely like the way they portrayed Mami in this scene. She legitimately looks out of her mind at some points, and it’s clear that the truth about Magical Girls has taken a huge toll on her mentally. Her mini battle with Yachiyo was short but sweet, with lots of nice movements and imagery, especially this shot right here:

The ribbon concealing her eyes and her Soul Gem (aka her soul and her actual self) is a really, really nice way of depicting that Mami is not really in her right state of mind, and that her current actions aren’t really her. I know a lot of fans didn’t like the brainwashing thing in the game, and even though it looks like they’re still keeping that in the anime (judging by Mami’s behaviour, she definitely seems brainwashed to me), at least they’re portraying it in a nice way. By the way, I applaud Yachiyo for being able to defend herself against Mami for so long with a whole person on her back xD

Sayaka was probably my favourite thing out of the entire episode. Again, like with Holy Mami, I was really hoping we’d get to see her this week ^^ I loved how her entrance parallels the way she saved Homura from Mami in Rebellion, and I’m sure hardcore fans will pick up on that before her identity is even revealed ;) Sayaka was never my favourite character out of the Holy Quintet (even though I still liked her a lot!), but oh my gosh she was amazing in this episode. I think it’s something to do with the cape? Maybe it’s the cape LOL but gosh she really did seem like a knight-in-shining-armour askjfha;sj (♥ω♥*)

And back to Mami... that part with her losing her mind (literally) after Sayaka shows up was creepy but also perfect. I like that she seemed to temporarily regain her sense of self when talking to Sayaka, but then just the talk of her guilt and shame and everything just comes back to haunt her again, and we see her succumb and lose herself once more. I didn’t think her transformation into Holy Mami would be portrayed in this way, but this is better than what I imagined. You actually get a sense of how painful the process is, and feel how much against her will it is to fall to a point where she’d hurt her friends and other innocent people. The whole idea is disturbing, but each time I think back on her reaction to finding out the truth in the original anime, this really doesn’t seem too far-fetched at all.

That entire battle between Mami and Sayaka/Yachiyo was kind of cool and kind of weird at the same time xD Honestly I can’t imagine Sayaka and Yachiyo to be able to run around freely with that many bullets flying all over the place, much less repel all of them, which Sayaka is shown doing at one point xD Iroha using her Doppel again is another thing that I didn’t really like, though. I just really don’t like how Iroha is always shown to be utterly useless fighting in her Magical Girl form and always has to end up relying on her Doppel to do anything. (Except for that previous battle with the Rumour that I discussed just before. Let’s not get me started on that again lmao.) But it’s nice to see Yachiyo using her Doppel as well (it looked really cool!), and I really liked that minor detail about how easy it is to lose yourself when using your Doppel. It’s not something we think much about when playing the game because of the game mechanics, so it’s always interesting to think about what the Doppels entail from a story perspective :) Anyway, despite some logical inconsistencies and Iroha resorting to her Doppel yet again, I did really enjoy this battle, and it definitely made up for the lackluster “battle” that we got with Iroha and the Rumour. We can really see where the budget went this week, huh xD

I also really loved how Touka literally just sits there sipping tea and ignores all the chaos happening around her. She shows no desire to help Mami or step in just in case something happens to her (since Mami’s on their side now and all), which, to me, really goes to show how purely cold-hearted Touka is. Or has become. (Shhh game spoilers xD)

And while we’re on the topic of Touka, I’m going to talk about how much I absolutely adored that final scene. It’s hard to visualise it while playing the game, so seeing the scale of the Wings of Magius was possibly frightening. We’ve always known that there are heaps of Feathers, but just seeing them all packed together in one big creepy dark hall, all cloaked and hooded, really goes to show the immense size of this cult. It’s not just some small club created by a few girls. The scale of this cult is insane. As for Touka’s speech? Inspirational. And I say that with full knowledge of the Magius’ crimes and wrongdoings. Honestly, with the way she speaks, I can’t imagine many Magical Girls being able to say no and walk away if they knew The Truth already. Touka is one amazing and charismatic speaker, and even though we’ve always known that she had to be to some extent to get so many Feathers, seeing it in action was truly a different experience. Terrifyingly persuasive and frighteningly charismatic, that child.

And that is why I applaud Rena. She’s able to stand among so fellow Magical Girls, listen to someone preach about salvation after literally just finding out the truth and learning about her own inevitable fate, not know of the dark side of the Magius, and still be able to walk away. Rena gained a new level of respect from me with that one simple decision, and I already loved her heaps before this. And Kaede really did join the Wings of Magius, huh :O We even got a shot of Kuroe! Welcome back (?), girl! xD

I quite liked how they showed the rest of Team Mikazuki joining in such a subtle way. It’s much more impactful to tease it like this rather than straight-up showing you the process of them joining right from the get-go. The way they end the season like this leaves a very haunting and unsettling feeling, especially considering that Iroha gets taken away from Yachiyo as well! Now that definitely wasn’t in the game!!! xD I was expecting the season to finish with Iroha and Yachiyo back at Mikazuki Villa alone and swearing to save the rest of the team, so this definitely came as a HUGE surprise to me. I’m really curious as to how they’re going to go about this change, as well as the change with Kaede joining up and the obvious Kuroe thing. (Btw Sayaka literally sweeping Yachiyo away like Prince Charming almost had me swooning LOL Sayaka was seriously SO COOL in this episode!)

And finally, we have Alina. I’m honestly still pissed off at how they handled her introduction, and wonder if anime-only fans can even tell that she’s a Magius and not just a Feather or some other kind of position (like Mifuyu), but I did enjoy the final scene of her. I think it makes it quite clear that Alina is going to be one of the Biggest Bosses, even among the antagonists, and the way she name-drops Walpurgisnacht was not what I expected but a pretty good decision, in retrospect. Anime-only fans will definitely feel that sense of familiarity they want just by hearing that name. Since this Witch is so iconic to the original anime and we probably won’t be seeing her until the very end of the next season, I think it was a nice idea to drop the name here to keep those anime-fans who expect lots of explicit PMMM references happy and hooked. In fact, the combination of Holy Mami and Sayaka’s appearance and the mention of Walpurgisnacht all in one episode makes me think they packed them all into the season finale to ensure that these anime-only PMMM fans will be back again for the next season (since us game players will almost definitely be back anyway haha xD).

Oh, and that ending song is so good! I loved “Alicia”, but this song was a really nice way to end the season and had a definite kind of “season finale” feel to it.

So yeah, that basically sums up my thoughts for this jam-packed episode xD Lots of stuff I feel could have been handled A LOT better, but also a lot of stuff that was absolutely amazing. The second half was significantly better than the first; that fight with Holy Mami and the ending with Touka and Alina were definitely the best parts.

I’ll be writing up another review post for the season as a whole and posting it separately, so I’ll end this one here and save my overall impressions for that one ^^ If you’ve read to the end, thanks so much for reading and I hope to see you there as well ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

[the-unconquered-queen]

Please I wanna know more about your thoughts on Dan x mc relationship. I know its been age since ILITW ended but this is a hill I will die on. Like, I didn't romance anyone else on this book. If I couldn't have him then I didn't want anybody else, 🤧

oKAY, we’re going for it

This is the first time I’ve ever put an answer to an ask under a read more. That should really tell you something about me and about what you’re about to be subjected to.

I would like to start this off by saying that I couldn’t care less about when it ended because it is ALWAYS It Lives hours on my blog and that’s never gonna change. But let’s get into this:

I completely understand why Dan wasn’t an LI. It’s not the same case as with, say, Noah, who’s such a prominent character in the book they could’ve easily added him. Even though Dan’s influence is strong in the series - seeing how his absence brought the group together when they worked to save him - the actual Dan was in a coma for a sizable portion of the book, which would’ve frustrated his romancers to no end. This is why if you look up fan made Dan x MC content, most of it takes place after the events of the book (not including the epilogue), not during them, because at that point, there wasn’t much to go on.

I think that if ILitW had had a sequel that wasn’t an anthology, so a second book with the same MC focused on the same group (which obviously can’t happen because of all the possible combinations of deceased/survivors in book 1), Dan could’ve been made an actual LI in that second book, or maybe players would’ve gotten the first romantic dialogue at the end of book 1 if PB knew they were gonna commit to giving him a route in the sequel. The seeds are all there in the first book, from how close they were in their backstory to how that closeness seemed to linger ten years later even though they’d barely spoken during that time. Dan admitted to never talking to people about his struggles because he was worried people would think differently of him, but with a little bit of encouragement from MC, he opened up to them, which shows a very strong bond between them, which could easily turn romantic in his hypothetical route. I mean, he’d known Stacy for as long as he’d known MC, had interacted more with her since she was the only one who kept in touch with him out of the group and was concerned about his well-being, and yet it was MC he trusted with his feelings.

Also, like I said earlier, the way he spoke of them when they were kids in his scene suggests (to me, at least) that, after Jane, Dan was the one MC was closest to out of everyone in the group. And when, after not speaking to MC for ages, they show up at the orientation he’s attending and tell him they went solely because they knew he’d be there and they missed him, he thought they were joking, but was genuinely happy when they told him they were serious because he felt the same way, which shows that even though they had a falling out that lasted a decade, they easily fell back into a familiar friendly rhythm after just a minute together. Now, as much as I love this ship, I’m not really entirely sold on the idea of Dan having had a crush on MC since they were eight and having it last well into their senior year of high school, but I believe that their easy bond would’ve been a major factor in him developing that crush, and maybe it would’ve already existed by the time the orientation scene took place, only strengthening when they got to actually spend time together when they properly reunited.

But giving it some thought, I doubt he and MC would be a couple right away. I mean, Dan’s been through a lot, and he probably wouldn’t be in the right place to be in a relationship as soon as everything ended, even if he started healing after what happened in the cave. It’s possible that he and MC would’ve mutually acknowledged their feelings to each other so they’d know they were reciprocated but not actually acting on them for a while, just until Dan feels like he’s in a better place to do the relationship and get it right, because I can’t imagine him disregarding that just because he wants to be with MC so bad and then the relationship falling apart because it was too soon, too hasty, and MC would for sure understand that they’d need to take their time to make it work out. 

I feel like even before they got together, MC would be good at reading Dan’s moods when he has off days, knowing when he needs company or someone to talk to and when he just needs space, and they don’t take offense to Dan not being in the mood to talk sometimes because they’d understand that even though Redfield is gone, that doesn’t mean that he’d just go back to what he was like before the PTSD and everything else happened. Dan does the same in return, since he knows MC went through more than their fair share of bad stuff, but he’d also have to learn to navigate that, like I said in my other ask, there would be times when MC might wake up from a nightmare and he’d try to comfort them and find that MC somehow looks even more freaked out and then it dawns on him that MC might be having a flashback of when a dirt monster wore his face in their room and he’d have to talk them down and tell them it’s him.

Moving AWAY FROM THE ANSGT, an established, dating Dan and MC would be such a cute couple. If it happened in-game, the “define the relationship” talk would end with them kissing while the overhead achievement banner reads “Dynamic Duo” (guess why). I feel like it would be a chill relationship in the sense that they didn’t go straight from acquaintances to lovers, since they had a lot of history together being friends for a long time before dating, so they’d be so at ease with each other’s presence and so used to it that they wouldn’t need to be like some of the couples in their high school who’d need to always have their hands all over each other or constantly making out for you to tell they’re in love, because they could do the most low-key stuff and still be happy together.

They’re probably actual relationship goals. Dan would make such a caring boyfriend, always making small gestures that make MC smile, a real Pinterest-type boyfriend. You ever see those pictures of football players running to kiss their partners on the stands? Yeah, that’d be him, because you know MC would show up to every single game and be his personal cheerleader.

MC would probably get along well with Dan’s parents, too, since I bet his mom would be really grateful that Dan’s got someone close to him he can open up to and who makes him so happy. He and MC would probably have stay-in dates where they just cuddle up close and watch Star Trek while Dan’s cat is curled up and purring between them, and Dan’s mom probably makes them mac and cheese because MC missed her cooking from when they would all go to the Pierces’ for lunch. And when they do their stay-in dates at MC’s place instead, MC always pretends to get upset when their cat wants to be on Dan’s lap instead of theirs, but really they love it because, hello, cute boy being cute with animals? They fall deeper in love with him every time. Also, imagine some time later, MC and Dan’s cats having kittens and then they’re trying to co-parent a couple of furry little babies. No, seriously, imagine Dan sitting on the floor while a bunch of tiny kittens try to climb all over him. Get that mental image in there.

At this point I have written a lot about how much I love Dan and I am fully aware that I’m rambling BUT I JUST THOUGHT OF MORE. Okay, you know the iconic Dan x MC Captain Incredible team up? Imagine Dan and MC slaying every single couples’ costume contest ever. They coordinate that stuff so well that they just own Halloween and nobody stands a chance. I mean, I did say they were goals, didn’t I?

And then of course there’s MC being so completely supportive of him when he starts seriously thinking about pursuing psychology as a career to help people cope with trauma. I mean, they know how complicated his own journey was and they are so proud of him for choosing to dedicate his life to that, since his caring nature is one of their favorite things about him. They probably help him prepare for his exams by setting up study dates to keep him motivated and working so he can make his career happen, and he’s just as supportive when it comes to whatever MC chooses to do.

Oookay, not that I don’t have lots of feelings about this, you know, ‘cause I really just went on and on about how I feel about Dan off the top of my head without any organization whatsoever, but I deadass thought “hey, this is a very long response” and put it through a word count and it is, no joke, over 1.4k words, so I really should stop talking now because people are gonna forget that my brand was supposed to be stanning Andy x MC, but the gist of it is Dan x MC is an amazing pairing, even it It Lives in the Woods didn’t explore the romantic potential there.

[nellied-reviews]

Discomforts, Pains and Irregularities Re-listen

Hello! I hope you're safe and well, wherever you are right now, and looking after yourself as best you can. It's a weird time to be alive, certainly. Fortunately, there is in this life one thing we can rely on: Douglas Eiffel will forever be a dumbass. I've hit episode 3 in my Wolf 359 re-listen, and boy, did this one cheer me up. So, without further ado:

Discomforts, Pains and Irregularities

In which Hilbert and Hera make a great but also terrifying team, Eiffel will do anything to avoid his physical exam, and Mink-oH MY GOD YOU WERE BEING SERIOUS?!

I feel, off the bat, like this episode is different to the previous two in a really good, productive way. It's a subtle thing, but it's something I definitely noticed this time round; Discomforts, Pains and Irregularities just works differently to the first two episodes. Where they were a sort of slice-of-life affair and a then a straight-up sitcom, this episode is more of a comedy horror movie; where the conflict in the first two episodes was between Eiffel and the rest of the crew, here we get our first external threat; where the plot, in the first two episodes, revolved around mundane, small things like radio broadcasts and toothpaste, the plot here's about a mutant space plant monster. It's a neat way of setting certain genre expectations and helping us triangulate, roughly, what we can and can't expect from the show, establishing a couple of constants (we're probably not going to get an episode, for example, with absolutely no comedy), but also a range of different tones the show can play with (sitcom, B-movie horror, weird sci-fi)

That said, it's not obvious from the beginning of the episode that we've stumbled into a horror movie. At first, when Eiffel starts his log sounding so very defeated, it seems like we're being set up for an episode about Eiffel trying to dodge a physical exam. Which you could get a whole, pretty decent episode out of it, for sure -  it would probably end up following a very similar template to Little Revolución. Step 1: have Eiffel do something ridiculous. Step 2: escalate things. Step 3: Eiffel is defeated. Solid, right? So when Hera announced that physicals are coming up, it feels like there's a predictable way that this going to play out. Not bad, per se. But we can see where it might be going.

We do get the fun twist of Hera cooperating with Hilbert, and sounding surprisingly chipper about the whole affair. And I guess that makes sense? She doesn't have physical body in the same way as Eiffel and Minkowski do, after all, so she's not getting a physical, and I can totally see her making the most of it to troll Eiffel, or indulge in some Schadenfreude. Or perhaps she's just helping Hilbert because it’s her job. Who knows? Either way, it's nice, if a little bittersweet, to see Hera and Hilbert working as a team again and trusting each other; after season 1, we don't see so much of that, for obvious, murder-y reasons.

I also have to wonder, at this point, why Hilbert is running these physicals? He says it's to stop disease spreading, but surely the Hephaestus, a closed system with three actual people living there, has got to be disease-free, right? The only thing I can think is that this is actually part of his work on Eiffel, a convenient excuse to take samples and see how the Decima is doing. Which makes an already terrifying prospect even more frightening. I guess he also has to collect samples for Minkowski, to maintain his cover? Or - a more alarming thought that I kind of wish I hadn't had - he might also be taking measurements and samples in preparation for giving her Decima, should Eiffel go the way of Lambert and the last crew. Cheery stuff, you know?

That’s just me overthinking things, though. What we actually get, as the episode gets going, is a panicky, nervous Eiffel desperately bullshitting Hilbert to get the good doctor off his tail. Which is so very relatable. I feel you, Eiffel. 

It didn't escape my attention, here, that Eiffel mentions a recent power outage. It's another sign that things were going wrong in the Hephaestus from the very beginning - something we won't get confirmed until Pan-Pan, I think?

It also didn't escape my attention, on a more immediate note, that Hilbert used up all of the water doing radiation experiments in the greenhouse. Which I bet is totally fine and totally didn't create the plant monster in the first place. Nope. Nuh-uh. No foreshadowing here.

In any case, Eiffel's ruse works, and then we get Eiffel and Hera just bantering for a bit, which is always a delight. Hera gets all sniffy (pun unintentional) about Eiffel's personal hygiene, Eiffel lobs a "you don't even have a nose anyway" back at her, she leans hard into her "well you're a feeble, puny human" shtick. It's fun, and I can totally buy that this might be a conversation they have had many times before. I don't know, I just really love their friendship, okay?

What I also love, when Minkowski calls to ask for help with the plant monster, is that Eiffel just straight-up assumes that she's also trying to get out of her physical. Like... has he met Minkowkski?! And yes, okay, technically she was in the greenhouses trying to avoid Hilbert. But the fact that now, when she is quite obviously not kidding, Eiffel decides to shrug it off? Genius. I love it. So very dumb.

Then, of course, we meet the plant monster, which is honestly one of my favourite things about this podcast. It's just so out-there! After two more slice-of-life episodes, it's delightfully weird, but also puts us firmly in the realm of soft science fiction. Like, there's no pretending, with a mutant plant monster, that this is going to be gritty, realistic, hard science fiction, and I kind of love that? Certainly, setting aside question like "is this scientifically plausible?" lets the show do all sorts of wacky, fun things that just make for a more engaging story. Mutant plant monsters are in the same cheesy B-movie vein as the Dear Listeners, super-soldier-creating viruses and mind control machines, and Wolf 359 is 100% better off for it.

Minkowski doesn't share my enthusiasm for the plant monster, sadly. She goes straight in with a flamethrower. Ah, Commander. Never change.

Eiffel still doesn't believe that it's real, even as he goes down to check on Minkowski, which is kind of hilarious, especially because it's such a tropey horror movie set-up. For such a pop-culture-savvy dude, he really dropped the ball on this one. But it's nice to see him and Minkowski bonding over being mutually freaked out by the thing. After two episodes of Minkowski being mad at Eiffel for various offences, it's cool that they're working together here, even if it takes the joint threat of Hilbert's physicals and a plant monster to get them there.

It's also here that the podcast format works so well, because without a visual on the monster, it's so much more frightening. Seriously, I bet all of our mental images of this thing are way more frightening than anything a TV show could give us, based just on Eiffel and Minkowski screaming.

Either way, we cut away pretty quickly after that, and the episode ends with Eiffel informing us smugly that the plant monster is still out there, but that, as a consequence of the ongoing monster situation, they have at least postponed physicals. It's a fun way to end the episode, anticlimactic in the funniest possible way, focusing on the dumb, mundane stuff and just dropping the plant mutant... for now. It leaves room for future stories featuring our resident not-so-horrifying monster (hello, Minkowski Commanding!). But honestly, it'd still be funny if the plant monster was never brought up again, and just hung round like the proverbial, vine-strewn elephant in the room. Which it kind of does, for a while, at least until Season 2.

It also works, I think, because this episode isn't really about how the crew would defeat a plant monster. Instead, the question the episode asks is just "How do the crew react when something really weird happens?" And the answer we get is something we'll see again and again: Minkowski goes on the warpath and tries to kill it with fire, while Eiffel is a bit more chill about things, possibly unwisely so. It feels like the blueprint for a whole lot of future disagreements where Minkowski generally leans towards more violent solutions, while Eiffel is a little more pacifistic, repping Team What's-Wrong-With-Handcuffs etc.

So yup. At the end of the day, like most of the early episodes, this one’s pretty heavy on the comedy. But it also establishes a bunch of new things that the show can do, and puts our protagonists into a totally new, strange situation, just to see how they react, paving the way for all sorts of future weirdness. Not bad, right?

Also, because it bears repeating, mutant space plant monster. 

Miscellaneous thoughts:

Hera getting snarky about Eiffel's body odour bwahahahahahahaha

That noise is terrifying and will haunt my nightmares

Also, why did Eiffel record his physical six months ago? What could he possibly have been planning on doing with that recording??

"Tell him to go... ffffrequencies!"

Ewwwww spinal fluid samples

"Let's get this - oH MY GOD YOU WERE BEING SERIOUS" 

"For God's sake, help me kill this thing!" "With what? Harsh language?" "With napalm, you moron!"

[missmungoe]

As delighted as I was to see my girl in the newest chapter, I felt compelled to write my own (happier) take on that panel of her grieving, so have some Makino during the time-skip and after (background Shanks x Makino; Sabo x Koala if you squint).

—

The dead don’t come back once they leave, but then one day he was there, sitting at her bar.

Shanks had been gone two months already, and for a while it had just been her again, cultivating her quiet life as usual; the peace that was allowed to grow and thrive, and in no small part because of her. That hadn’t changed, even as other things had. The outward differences to how her life had been before were small, but significant: the wedding band around her finger, and the baby in her belly. Seedlings from an old promise tended over ten long years, and like her peace, this was hers, too: this happiness she’d made.

But happiness wasn’t the absence of loneliness, and there were days where the quiet was too quiet, the peace too peaceful; days where she missed her husband so much she could barely get out of bed, her bar empty without her crew, and the loud, wonderful boys who’d once kept her company while she waited, and the silence from getting comfortable. There was only one left now, where there’d once been three. Or so she’d thought.

She’d sensed them coming in, the slight ripple of disturbance within her, but hadn’t thought much about it, nothing alarming in either of their presences, or the muted sounds of their voices; a deeper timbre warmed with laughter, and a higher lilt rising above it, pitched with what sounded like fond exasperation.

Grabbing the crate she’d gone in to get—from her newest shipment of liquor, and she wasn’t technically supposed to be lifting heavy things, but there was no one around to remind her—supported against the curve of her belly, Makino exited the storeroom to greet her new customers, only to find them already seated at her counter. There were two, as she’d thought, and both of them young. One was a pretty girl, in a pink blouse and a page-boy hat, her arms crossed on the counter. And the other—

The crate dropped from her hands, but before it could shatter on the floor, he’d caught it, having moved so fast she’d barely registered him getting out of his seat. But in the blink of an eye he was suddenly in front of her, a sheepish grin flashed from under a tumble of blond curls where he held the crate, as though it weighed nothing.

He straightened to his full height, and her eyes widened when she had to crane her neck to look at him, her mouth dropping open softly, even as nothing came out.

“Hey, Ma-chan,” Sabo said, even though the dead can’t speak, and he was dead but he was also speaking.

“Are you open?”

When she didn’t say anything, he glanced behind him, at the girl still seated at the counter, who shook her head at him. “I told you. You should have called ahead and warned her.” She made a sweeping gesture to Makino where she stood, her arms slack at her sides. “And look, she’s pregnant! That kind of shock can’t be good for the baby—Sabo-kun, are you listening?”

Sabo’s head had whipped back around, his eyes bulging, as though he’d only just now noticed her belly. “You’re—!”

Makino was still staring at him, speechless. The confident grin he’d been wearing had been wiped off, replaced by genuine surprise where he gawked at her belly.

“So much for a suave and heroic entrance,” the girl sighed over a laugh, sliding off her barstool before walking around the counter. She met Makino’s shell-shocked expression with an apologetic smile. “Sorry about this. He was so excited to surprise you, after how Dadan reacted.”

“Dadan?”

Her voice sounded hoarse, like she’d momentarily forgotten how to use it, but the mention allowed her head to clear a bit, giving her reeling mind a firm foothold; the confirmation that she wasn’t imagining him. That Dadan had seen him, too.

But looking at Sabo, taller and broader and inexplicably older, she didn’t understand how it was possible. The dead didn’t come back; they were the only ones she didn’t have it in her heart to keep waiting for.

And she was fiercely practical, and quick to adjust to change, but all at once, it all became a little too overwhelming, too many things for her to accept and not enough time to wrap her head around them, and a wave of dizziness hit her, causing her to reach for the counter to steady herself. A cramp low in her belly had her sucking a breath past her teeth, as her hand flew to the spot that hurt, her eyes clenching shut.

“Koala!” Sabo snapped, openly distressed, and still holding the liquor crate, as though he wasn’t sure what to do with it.

“Put down the crate, you dork,” Koala said, before Makino felt a small hand pressed against her lower back, and another curled around her elbow, supporting her. She had a surprisingly strong grip. “Take a deep breath.”

“Okay,” Sabo breathed.

“Not you. Makino-nee.”

“Oh, right.”

She shook her head at him, and despite the whole situation, and the persisting cramp, Makino blurted a wet laugh, and watched as Sabo’s expression brightened, easing away some of his distress at her state. He was still holding the liquor crate uselessly, although he put it down when Koala helped her out from behind the counter and into the nearest chair.

With one hand rubbing soothing circles over her belly, “I’m fine,” Makino assured them, when Sabo looked ready to spring into action at the first sign of discomfort. “You caught me by surprise is all.” She fixed him with a look, but where she’d meant to say something teasingly reprimanding, her voice sounded a little too thick when she told him, “It’s not every day someone comes back from the dead.”

His grin was predictably sheepish, but there was genuine regret in it even as he chirped, “I’ll try not to make a habit of it.”

Huffing a laugh, Makino smoothed her hands over her belly where it curved under her apron. The baby was kicking, the movements comforting, allowing her to catch her breath.

She caught Sabo looking at it, his smile wide and curious, before his gaze shifted to her hand where it was splayed atop the bump. He’d noticed her wedding ring; the delicate band where it circled her finger.

“Dadan didn’t mention that you’d gotten married,” he said.

Makino hummed, smiling as she laced her fingers together over her stomach. She felt the ring, the metal warmed by her hand. “Maybe she forgot. She drank so much sake at my wedding they had to load her naked and singing into a wheelbarrow to get her home.”

His grin dropping from his face, Sabo looked mildly horrified by this, before his features pulled into a constipated grimace, as though provided with a vivid but entirely unasked-for mental image.

Makino smiled up at him where she sat. “Payback,” she said, demurely. “For not giving me a warning.”

He shook his head at her, his expression this time somewhere between begrudging awe and mild alarm. “Payback? You sound like a pirate, Ma-chan.”

Her demure smile persisted, deepening the lines at the corners of her eyes, and she saw Koala’s brows quirking, understanding shaping her grin even as Sabo’s expression remained perplexed, before Makino asked him, mildly,

“What, didn’t you hear?”

—

She closed the bar for the day, to allow them time to catch up, although she still kept her doors open for whoever wanted to stop by and say hello. A self-employed tavern owner’s prerogative. And maybe a little bit a pirate’s.

Dadan arrived a bit later, her whole family in tow. Makino noticed Sabo had a hard time meeting her eyes, although even his horror at the wheelbarrow-story fled at the revelation of an entirely different piece of news.

“You married Red-Hair?”

Makino met his surprise with an enduring smile, her hands resting over the baby bump where she sat, at the centre of the people who’d gathered in her bar. It felt a little more like it should, the silence turned away at the door, along with all the other patrons who were just looking for a drink. It wasn’t welcome in her establishment today. “You just missed him. He would have loved to meet you.”

“Should have been here for the wedding, Sabo!” one of the bandits called out, laughing. “Never seen this place so lively. Red-Hair lives up to his reputation.”

“He wasn’t even the most debauched of the lot,” Dadan said, with a deliberate look at Makino, who delicately ignored it. She barked a laugh. “Mah, can only speak for myself, and I can’t even remember getting home.”

Sabo choked on his drink, coughing. Koala patted his back sympathetically. “There, there.” She shot Dadan a grin. “Probably just went down the wrong pipe.”

Dadan made a gruff sound; she’d developed a fondness for the girl Sabo had brought home with him. And shaking her head at the young man in question, still coughing up his drink. “Still can’t get used to you bein’ old enough to drink.”

Clearing his throat, Sabo shook his head, waving his hand. “Oh, I’ve been drinking for yea—”

Koala elbowed him so hard he nearly toppled off his barstool, and murmured out of the corner of her mouth, “Watch what you say, or she’ll kill the Big Boss.” Then, “Or worse: Makino-nee will give him a stern talking-to.”

Retaking his seat, Sabo laughed. “Is it wrong that I’d pay to see that?” At the sight of Makino’s brows quirking, he grinned innocently. “What?”

She shook her head. And she wasn’t sure she even wanted to know, but her curiosity had always been one of her biggest vices, and so before she could further question the wisdom of asking, “So what is it you do now?” Her gaze shifted between the two of them, wearing identical and far too innocent smiles. “Are you pirates?”

Sabo’s grin widened, as he shared a look with Koala. “Not exactly.”

Makino pursed her mouth. “And you’re not marines.”

“Oh, most definitely not.”

“Do I have to keep guessing?”

At that, he shot her a grin. It made her think of Shanks. “As the formerly sweet-natured barmaid who used to run this place, I might have told you,” he said, his eyes twinkling. “But as the wife of one of the Four Emperors, I think I’ll keep my cards close. You understand.”

“Sabo-kun,” Makino chided gently, smiling where she rested her hands atop her belly. She tilted her head, her eyes curving with her most innocent smile. “We’re all friends here.”

He looked at Koala, then at Dadan, before posing the question to the room, “Did anyone else feel a shiver run up their back? No? Just me, then.” Then to Makino with a grin, he asked her, “Were you always this scary?”

She made a musing sound, smoothing her fingers over the bump, but the baby was quiet in the loose cradle of her arms. Content, and safe, surrounded by bandits and more dangerous people still. And Makino, although she’d never been very dangerous. She was, after all, just a barmaid.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, and saw his grin widening; delighted, as though he’d come back and found her exactly like he remembered her being, and yet at the same time a completely different person. Makino didn’t correct him on either assessment.

Both were true, after all.

—

They stayed with her a whole week. Sabo helped out around the bar, and did the chores that took her longer now, with her growing belly; did the heavy lifting, and allowed Makino to stay off her feet as much as possible.

He’d been that way as a boy, she remembered—attentive to the needs of others, and quick to step in, unafraid of getting his hands dirty, and of learning menial chores, a hunger in him that she hadn’t understood at first, having only learned where he’d come from much later. But she’d taught him the things he’d wanted to know, how to mend his own socks; how to get grass stains out of his trousers, and how to cook. His brothers hadn’t been similarly inclined, at least not at that age. And he’d love to sit and watch her work, and to ask her about it, learning her routines while he polished her glasses to shining.

“I think he’s grown way too attached to that apron,” Koala mused, observing her partner strutting between the tables of Makino’s bar, his shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows and his cravat loosened, and carrying a tray of drinks. The apron in question was far too small for him; a flimsy little thing of Makino’s with dainty embroideries along the edges.

The patrons gathered in her establishment didn’t even bat an eye, used to stranger sights, and Shanks, and only held out their glasses for Sabo to refill.

Makino made a humming sound, her smile small and privately intimate, softening the edges of the longing where it rested, always, just below her breastbone, and dropping her voice, remarked mildly, “I’ve watched the most powerful man on the sea prance around in nothing but that apron.”

Koala suffocated her startled laugh with the back of her hand, and when Sabo looked towards them curiously, managed to turn it into a fairly convincing wave.

They sat in silence for a while, connected by the sudden yet intimate confidence of women that doesn’t need much prompting to exist, the smell of jasmine rising from the steaming cups on the table between them. And a conversation of this nature usually called for brandy, but while she was pregnant, tea would have to suffice.

Koala made a musing sound then, sliding Makino a look. “Nothing but the apron, huh?”

“Hmm.”

“Honeymoon fun?”

She cleared her throat, smiling. “Not only.”

“Oh really?” Another pause, and then, so quietly Sabo didn’t have a chance of overhearing, “Private kink?”

Makino sipped her tea primly, her eyes turned to the ceiling. She said nothing.

Another beat of silence, before Koala asked with a grin, “Did he look good in it?”

“You’ve seen his picture in the paper,” Makino said, pursing her mouth demurely. “What do you think?”

Grinning, Koala was quiet for another beat, before she turned to Makino with an imploring look. “Please let me tell him. I want to watch him scramble to get out of it as fast as possible.”

Putting her cup down, Makino smoothed her hands over her belly, feeling the baby kicking. It was stronger now, the curve of her stomach more pronounced every week, and the firmer the little presence grew in her mind, the more she found herself reaching for an image to go with it, wondering whose nose it would get, and whose temperament. If it would be a clever little girl, to steal the sea from her father’s eyes, or a kind, gentle boy, who’d make her laugh like Shanks did.

Across the room, Sabo had stopped by a table, the empty tray propped on his hip now as he got into a heated discussion about the many merits of pale ale. Catching them watching him, he flashed them a grin. Another gentle boy, who’d come back to make her laugh.

“Let’s give him a few more minutes before we traumatise him further,” she told Koala, smiling where they sat together by the table, an unexpected friendship having taken root in her once-lonely garden, her best friend miles away still, but there was something to be said for the unique companionship found between women, even ones as different as they were.

“I don’t think he’s gotten over the story about the wheelbarrow yet.”

—

The week flew by, and more quickly than she’d wanted it to, but she was used to this; to being content with the time she was given, and to not ask for more than she had.

And anyway: the Revolutionary Army had duties beyond the personal desires of its individual members.

Makino hadn’t told them she’d long since figured out their affiliations, although suspected they already knew, from the looks Sabo kept giving her, which told her she wasn’t fooling anyone, playing the demure and innocent wife of a pirate, who pretended to know nothing of the machinations that governed the sea her husband sailed, their own organisation being no exception.

The pink sunset had swept the sky clear of clouds, and a brisk wind teased the hem of her skirt, nipping playfully at her cheeks, always as though inviting her to come along, to be carried off the docks if she let herself. But her heels were rooted firmly now as with every goodbye, her spine straight, the delicate line of her back hiding the steel in it.

They’d leave under the cover of night, on the unnamed ship that had pulled up to her quiet shores to take them away. There was no flag, and no jolly roger to identify their allegiance, but then Makino had come to expect nothing less of Dragon the Revolutionary, even here in this remote corner of East Blue.

A man was standing on deck, observing the village behind her. Tall and broad-shouldered, he wore his black hair pulled back from his high brow, revealing the tattoo covering one half of his face. Makino knew who he was.

His gaze shifted to her where she stood on the docks, and she saw his eyes fleeting down to her belly, rounding under the skirt of her dress, unmistakably pregnant. And she knew then, as his eyes lifted back to hers, a single, severe brow quirking, as though in quiet challenge, that he knew well who she was, too.

Then Dragon inclined his head to her, in what looked like a curious show of respect, before he turned towards the deckhouse, putting the village behind him.

The exchange had been entirely wordless, although glancing up at Sabo where he stood beside her, his brow furrowed a bit, Makino didn’t think he’d missed it.

Turning towards him, “Be careful,” Makino said. Koala had already gone aboard, but Sabo had lingered in his goodbyes.

His answering grin was cheerfully incriminating. “Accounting is a dangerous job.”

“Hmm, I thought you were in sales?”

“Did I say that? I meant to say that I was in publishing.”

“Well, be careful, either way.” She met his eyes, her own twinkling. “You never know how the critics might respond. To the things you publish, that is.”

Sabo chuckled, but when he met her eyes it was with a serious look, as he agreed, “Sound advice even for situations not related to publishing.”

His eyes dropped to her belly where she cradled it in her hands. There was genuine regret in his voice when he told her, “I’m sorry I can’t be there for the birth.”

Makino shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.” But even as she said it, she wondered if he could tell that her confidence was feigned; that it had been nearly five months already, and that Shanks still hadn’t come back. That she was beginning to wonder if he would make it back before the birth. That—and this was a fear she barely dared confess to herself—she was afraid he wouldn’t come back at all, and that she’d be a widow before she was a mother.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Sabo asked her then, confirming her suspicions; that he could tell she was faking it. It wasn’t the first time he’d made the offer over the week they’d stayed with her. “Our headquarters are really nice, and you’d be protected—”

“Sabo,” Makino cut him off gently, smiling. His concern for her was endearing, and appreciated, but, “I’ll manage. I’ve always managed.” Then, only partly in jest, “And I don’t know how my husband would feel about it, coming back only to discover I’ve been spirited away by a well-meaning if slightly overbearing publishing company.”

It was meant to lighten the mood, although it didn’t quite succeed, as Sabo only held her gaze, no teasing in his voice now as he asked her, “Are you safe here, Makino?”

Her hands tightened over the bump; she hoped he couldn’t tell that they were trembling. And it wasn’t a new fear, the one she felt now; the one she didn’t feel on her own behalf so much as for the unborn child in her belly.

She was really showing now; there was no hiding it. And all it would take was a single rumour, and one willing ear to listen.

“I’m as safe as I can be,” she said. She did believe that, truly. “I have Garp, and Dadan is here, and her family.” She lifted her chin, and her confidence wasn’t feigned now when she told him, “And I am protected. He’s made sure of that.”

The mention of Shanks didn’t ease his concern; rather the opposite. “But if anyone finds out that you’re—”

He stopped before he could finish, and looked around them. And even alone on the docks, out here in the open, he seemed reluctant to say Shanks’ name out loud; as though a treacherous wave would hear, and carry it out to sea.

He started when she touched his coat, smoothing her hands over the lapels, as though to straighten them out. “I am,” she said, her voice firmed with a gentle but unapologetic pride. She didn’t shy away from her choices; the man she’d chosen to marry least of all. “And I will also kindly remind you that I was self-sufficient long before I married him. You’re not seriously telling me you don’t think I can handle being on my own?”

Sabo’s expression softened, suddenly chagrined, and she smiled, showing him there was no real offence taken.

A gloved hand reached out then, pressed to the bump, before he frowned, and not finding what he was looking for, Makino moved his fingers a bit, until he felt it, his expression alighting with a smile at the movement under his palm.

“You’ll come visit when it’s born,” she told him, and saw him look up. “Luffy, too.”

He nodded. “I will.” Then, firmly, “And you’ll stay safe. Don’t do anything reckless.”

She hummed a laugh. “Oh, I’ll try to restrain myself.”

Sabo smiled at her. “I hope your husband knows he’s a damn lucky guy.”

Her smile softened. For a spell, the ache of missing him felt a little easier to bear. “He knows. But you’re welcome to tell him if you see him.” There was a suggestion there, and she wondered if he caught it.

Sabo’s grin told her he had, even before he told her, “You can bet on it.”

Then she said, prim, “And if anyone with ill intentions come looking, I’ll show them where the door is.”

That got her a rough laugh, although it didn’t fully succeed in wiping away the worry from his expression. “Give ‘em hell, yeah?”

She nodded, before she stepped forward, folding her arms around him. She was so small the top of her head didn’t even reach his shoulder, and she couldn’t wrap her arms fully around his back, but Sabo returned the embrace fiercely, although he was mindful of her belly between them. Makino had a mind to tell him not to grow so much before they saw each other again.

“If I see you in the paper,” she told him instead, gentle but firm, “let it be good news.”

She didn’t say his name, but it hung between them; the one boy who wouldn’t come back to her no matter how long she waited.

Sabo nodded, and then for good measure, she said, “That’s not the barmaid speaking, by the way.”

She heard his chuckle, lost against her hair. “No? The Empress, then?”

Swallowing thickly, Makino nodded. “Just so you know you have no choice.”

He squeezed her once, before he pulled back, and ducking his head with a grin, he kissed her cheek.

“Don’t worry, Ma-chan,” he told her, and Makino didn’t know if it was a promise or just a statement of fact when he said, with so much confidence she couldn’t help but believe him—

“I’m really hard to kill.”

—

She closed the bar the day the paper arrived with the news; one of the many she’d been dreading, because waiting doesn’t always mean you’re waiting for something good.

Two was the number now, of the ones who’d left her and who’d never return. Makino wondered how high the number would be when all was said and done; if she’d soon be a widow, too, waiting for a ghost ship, and for her captain and crew to come home, to bring her to the endless shores of the afterlife.

Her son was playing, thankfully unaware of her grief, and the tears she wasn’t able to hold back, spilling down her cheeks, over her hands, staining the paper and blotting the ink. Makino listened to him babbling, and that bright, beautiful laugh as he pushed the ball around, seated on the floor where she’d pulled up a chair. Content in his own company, the way she’d always been as a child, growing up with her mother, who’d taught her the importance of self-reliance.

But she’d grown crookedly, wilful and independent, and she was different now, a mother in her own right, a pirate’s wife, a pirate herself, and no longer content to be alone, and to readily accept her fate as it was decided for her. She wanted things now, wanted to be happy, to be loved, to live without worrying, and to be given back the things she was due. Her husband; her crew; her boys.

Wiping her eyes, she turned the newspaper over, and rising from her seat, went to pour herself a drink; allowing herself that today, selfishly, stubbornly. Because even the most patient of gardeners know that nothing grows without a good dose of stubbornness, not peace or happiness, and hope was a weed she’d never been able to uproot from her heart, for all her practical upbringing.

The whiskey burned her throat, leaving her coughing, and putting the empty glass down on the counter, she drew a deep breath. Then, steeling her spine, she poured herself another. If she was in for a long wait, she’d need it.

The dead never came back once they left, but Makino hoped now that she’d be proven wrong, this time like the last one. Because death might be final, but she was stubborn, and she’d out-waited tougher challengers. Longing, and loneliness; doubt and fear. She’d invited them all in, had served them all without judgement, and without buckling under the weight of their demands; her constant patrons. But death—

I’m really hard to kill.

Death could kindly fuck right off.