#my grandmother and my moms siblings shame my sister for her hiking

[areyousanta]

Now I remember why I don't draw in front of my family, I get yelled at for it!

[story-ofmylife-mytruth]

I wanted to start by saying my parents split up when I was about 6 then my mom and her new partner moved far away from my father. Luckily at that point in my life i still was close with my grandparents that moved with us. After we moved I found happiness in the nature that we moved into. I loved nature and that's where it started... Then we moved again. (just stating these are the big moves in my life not all the small ones inbetween) Away from my grandparents and uncles who I dearly loved and depended on them. As my mom worked constantly and neglected my emotions and needs. Around that time we moved away from my grandparents, I was then alone completely. In a city I hated and didn't thrive in. I missed the nature and random hikes weekly. I then developed a cavernous angioma ( bleed in the brain)causing major seizures. My mom, stepdad and two little sisters who were barely in school had to see. So from age 15 to 19 i had terrifying seizures and often came out of them not knowing what i was doing or saying. My mom would almost always make my sisters watch me at home and they shouldn't have had to see all that. Bringing trauma to more than just me and the adults in our family. The thing that makes things really difficult for me is that i have lost childhood memories and am usually reminded of them or how i was in the story. My moms side is very toxic and like to remind me of the scary or terrible things that happened their way...but I know they put the story in their favor. I get this information from my siblings from what they can remember and often I wasn't usually as mean as they remembered my mother or grandmother saying it was. A lot of the time I feel super down when I cant remember a memory we talk about as a family and i wish I could know and feel my side of the story.. I'm not diagnosed with anything but ODD but I feel that was just a way for my mom to tell me that I don't like listening... now I'm positive i have Anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, and plenty of trauma. That i don't know how to talk to a therapist about these things because i am not 100% sure these are as true as they can be....I don't want to bad talk them if its untrue. but i was constantly shamed and told I am wrong. So i doubt myself when it comes to talking about old memories that i feel i remember but than am told it went "this way". So i thought id start up a blog and write about it to see if anyone has these issues in a similar perspective. I will write more and apologize for any things that are said multiple times as my memory mixes with my head sometimes. I will go more into depth on certain subjects.