#my girl has known how this shitshow was gonna go since she was a little kid

[justbringtherain]

Aemond: I could have you killed Helaena: I could not give a single fuck

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 5 Reasons Doug’s Pretty Great

It’s hard to believe that it’s been nine years since the first episode of S1 was released. I can still remember be a wee little lass first discovering it on youtube and becoming obsessed. At the time, I had no where to play it myself, so I watched as many playthroughs as I could until my family got an xbox. 

While the first episode in this series has a lot of memorable moments, the one that always stands out in people’s memories is the moment where you’re trying to escape the drugstore as walkers pound away at the door and windows, and you realize that both Carley and Doug need your help or they’re going to die. 

But... you can only save one, and whoever you don’t help, they end up being eaten alive by walkers and you get to feel bad about it for the rest of the episode. 

I bring this up because it’s interesting to look back nine years ago and see that... well, not a lot of people saved Doug. Which is crazy, because now the stats are pretty 50/50 with Doug even having a bit of an edge over Carley. That definitely wasn’t the case back then because the stats were more along the line of 20/80.

Why? Well, the writer’s didn’t exactly do the best job of showing how great Doug is in ep1, especially compared to Carley who has more interactions with Lee and more screen time.... which is even funnier because they did actually think they did a good job and were surprised by the results after the episode’s release.

Even back then they had a habit of making imbalanced routes then denying the imbalance... something they never grew out of. 

I guess they were a little butthurt about it since Doug is a favorite among the team given that he’s actually based on a real person, Doug Tabacco, an IT guy they worked with. This got to the point where Telltale never missed an opportunity to tell everyone to #SaveDoug over Carley.

I also love that they use the Stranger to guilt trip everyone who saved Carley by having him be like, “Doug was in a worse position! >:( You only saved Carley because she was a pretty girl!!” just.... real subtle, guys haha

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that more often than not, I choose to save Carley over Doug for many reasons, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate Doug and enjoy having him around in the off chance I do save him. So I thought it’d be fun to talk about Doug as a character and why he was pretty great as a little tribute, y’know? 

5. Doug’s a pretty funny dude

Now, I wouldn’t exactly call twdg a comedy, y’know? It gets dark, then manages to get even darker at times, but if the game was nothing but doom and gloom, it’d get boring and become unenjoyable. 

While other characters do get a laugh out of me from time to time, I enjoy the humor that Doug brings to the group, even if it’s not intentional and just the way he is. 

Even from the beginning, Doug had me chuckling with the fact that this nerdy dude didn’t want to bring profanity to Lee’s ears when talking about Larry, so he’s just like “ He's kind of a dick... pardon my french,” like Doug.... it’s okay, you can call him an asshole, no one will judge hahaha.

Then there’s the biscuit scene that I think we all know and love. Helps break the tension of meeting these weirdo’s who own a dairy and are totally not suspicious or anything. 

But it’s not even just that Doug is funny, he’s also a character that gets you to crack a smile when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about, or when he’s proud of the alarm he rigged up, or when he’s being adorably awkward. 

One of my favorites is in ep3 when Lee goes to ask Doug if he has any chalk, and he goes into this spiel about charcoal-- “You know, a piece of charcoal is a suitable alternative, depending on your marking surface. Since we're on the subject, did you know that while chalk is traditionally known to be calcium carbonate, what's often used in classrooms is actually made of gypsum, thanks to favorable domestic mining conditions?”

And Lee’s response is just-- “Doug, I did not know that.”

“Happy to be of service.”

It’s just really funny... and it makes you feel better after all the implications about Doug’s mental health in the episode... like you gave him a moment to flex his knowledge and get excited about it. 

But yeah, what can I say? Doug makes me laugh and he brings a bit of light to the groups constant shitshow. 

4. Doug saved the group’s ass at the St John farm

And he did so with a laser pointer. 

I always hate it when Doug/Carley leave the group at the St Johns and remain absent for most of the episode, though I chalk that up to the writers trying to make the different routes easier on themselves, y’know? 

But, at least they come back to save the day. 

In Doug’s case, he’s not comfortable with guns like Carley is, so he’s gotta get creative when it comes to getting Lee’s attention and stopping Andy from hurting Duck and Lee. 

That’s where his fancy little laser pointer comes in. 

We first see him with it during the walk to the farm, but then see it in action after Lee escapes the barn and is nearly blinded by the light. Doug claims he was doing morse code before Lee tells him and Ben that these assholes cut off Mark’s legs and tried to feed them to the group. 

Now, here’s the thing... If Doug and Ben had done what they were told and stayed at the motor inn over night, things probably wouldn’t have turned out so good for the group. Doug is the one who shines the laser pointer in Andy’s eyes when he’s got ahold of Duck, giving Lee the advantage of attack. Without that, if Lee tried anything, he would’ve ended up like dingdong Kenny with a bullet in his side. 

Also there’s just a lot of bravery from Doug, y’know? Like as soon as he finds Lee and knows the situation, the first thing he asks is what can they do to help, and he sticks around to do what he can.... even if it is just to point a laser in someone’s eye. 

No one gives Doug enough credit for savin’ the day, y’know? And if you have any doubt, even Lee says, “I never thought a laser pointer would be the thing that saved our lives.”

3. Doug’s friendship with Lee

Speaking of Lee, his friendship with Doug is underrated. The two have chemistry and work off each other well in the scene’s they’re in. While it’s not as strong as Carley’s in ep1, saving Doug and having around in ep2 & ep3 lets you see it at it’s best, y’know? 

After Lee saves his life at the drugstore, Doug is shown to mourn Carley and asks Lee why he would pick him, lamenting that he wished he had picked her over him and you can tell that Doug feels that he owes Lee a lot for saving him. Hell, he even says as much when Lee tries to give him food in ep2-- “Why don't you keep my share today. I know I said it didn't matter why you saved me and not Carley, but... I owe you a lot more than half a day's rations."

Also, I love this one line from Kenny when you’re on bad terms with him and they’re talking about going separate ways where he’s basically like “We all know Doug’s gonna stay with you because you saved him that ONE time >:(” and on top of it being such a bitchy Kenny line, it also shows that every can see that Doug is a loyal friend to Lee and would want to stick with him where ever he decides to go. 

One thing that I think people tend to overlook, though, is how concerned Lee is with Doug’s mental health in ep3. There are implications that Doug might be suffering with depression due to the situation of the walkers, bandits harrassing and threatening them, and believing that he isn’t useful to the group, stating that he feel pretty worthless. Lee asks Clementine if he seems sad, and hell, he even talks to Lilly about it.

In fact, speaking of Clementine, Doug is real sweet with her, too. Of course, he gives her those batteries for her walkie, but he also asks about how she’s doing as they’re leaving the dairy. Hell, 8 years later, Clementine still remembers him by name and how sweet he was when fucking dingdong Lilly can’t remember his damn name. That says a lot. 

Y’all know how important Clementine is to Lee, so he wouldn’t have grown as close to Doug if he wasn’t a genuinely good person who treated Clementine with kindess. 

I dunno, there’s a lot of trust and care between the two and it’s a relationship that I truly love. I just wish we could’ve seen a bit more of it but y’know...#2 happened. 

2. Doug saved Ben’s life

Yeah, I think we all saw this coming...

Look, doesn’t matter what you think about Ben, okay? Not what we’re talkin’ about. We’re talkin’ about Doug saving Ben’s life, which unfortunately meant ending his own.

Still haven’t forgiven Lilly for this one. Though I’ve always found the difference between Doug and Carley’s death’s interesting. With Carley, Lilly intentionally kills her after Carley tells her off. But with Doug, Lilly was aiming for Ben and even when Doug pulled him out of the way, she still fired the gun... even though she didn’t have a clear shot and ended up hitting Doug. 

Then she tries to play it off like it was an accident which, yeah I guess it was but that doesn’t change that you were intending to murder this 6ft tall child. 

It’s just... I dunno, man, it’s sad. I always feel more sorrow for Doug’s death, but more anger for Carley’s? Even though both make me angry, it’s just different characters, different things that led to their deaths, different feelings. This is the first real “Fuck you, Lilly” moment for me and she can spend the next 8 years wandering around for all I can. 

Doug didn’t deserve this shit. 

But, the reason I put this at #2 because it really says a lot about Doug as a character. The second he saw Lilly aim that gun, he yanked Ben out of the way. He could’ve gone into shock, he could’ve just yelled “no!”, or he could’ve gone at Lilly instead.... but no, his first instinct was to grab Ben and move himself in front and it really fucking sucks that that’s what killed him. 

And y’know this isn’t the first time Doug has put himself in danger to save someone. I already talked about him saving everyone at the dairy, but can we not forget how he and Carley met? She was gonna get eaten by walkers then our big hero Doug came in and saved her?? Didn’t know her or anything, just saw her and her crew getting attacked and did what he could to save any survivors?? 

Like... no one talks about that because it’s so played off and never brought up again and I need everyone to remember this, okay? 

Doug selflessly putting himself in danger to help those around him? Fantastic. Beautiful. Love that.

1. Look, Doug himself is just #1. His personality, intelligence, everything.

Wow, Doug’s personality being the #1 reason he’s so great? Who woulda thought?

Well, ME woulda thought because obviously.

Listen... in case you haven’t gather this from the previous four entries, Doug is an intelligent, awkward, caring, selfless, funny, and brave man, okay? He’s likable, he tries his damnedest to pull his weight for the group, he shows actual loyalty and kindness unlike some people, and when he tends to avoid the constant Lilly and Kenny conflicts, he does his best to step in when things take a serious turn, hence the Ben situation. 

No to mention the dude is smart. 

I mean, he really took a random remote and was like, “Oh it’s universal, let me just program it to work on ALL the random TV’s across the street as a way to distract these walkers!” like dude.... you just know how to do that, huh? 

Or his fun little bell trap that alerts the groups of strangers and walkers? Oh, and remember when he fixed the RV by hitting it with a fucking hammer and was like “It works now, drive!” 

And have I mentioned that he bested Andy St John with a goddamn laser pointer?? 

Oh, also wanna add that I really like his voice acting, as well. He’s voiced by Sam Joan, who does a good job at selling Doug’s soft-spoken but intelligent nature, and knows how to pull off “dorky” when needed... and I mean that in a good way, when he’s talking about charcoal Doug is being a dork and I love him.

I mean... what else is there to say?

All that’s left to do is pull a Telltale and--

#SaveDoug

---

Honorable Mentions

-Doug is a pie guy, going off of that time he named all the different kinds of pie he could thing of and I feel that.  -He’s a very fashionable person. I want that weird polar bear deer thing shirt he wears in ep1.  -also, you can’t go wrong with socks and sandals, my dude.  -He had a crush on Carley and honestly, I feel that, too. 

---

There it is, there’s my whole thing about Doug. What are your thoughts? When it comes to that choice in ep1 of s1, do you save Doug or do you save Carley? Do you agree or disagree with any of my choices for this list? Or have anything to add? I’m always down to chat.

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

—

Next week’s T5F

[justanalto]

3, 13, 15 :P especially looking forward to your answer to 13, so make sure it's nice and long 😏

3. What loves do you tend to write about? Agape (unconditional, spiritual love), Eros (romantic, passionate love), Philia (affectionate, platonic love), Philautia (self-love), Storge (familial love), Pragma (enduring love like between long-married couples), Ludus (playful love, infatuation you feel during the “honeymoon period”), and Mania (obsessive love that leads to madness and jealousy)

*examines every single one of my fanfics* *nearly combusts from thinking*

I can definitely say I write a lot of storge? May’s Golden Dragon is definitely nothing if proof of that, what with the familial bonds between May, Bobbi and Skye, not to mention the bonds between a lot of the staff. I feel like you can also find a lot of it sprinkled into my other works. So that one’s definitely for sure. May’s could also be considered an example of philia, too, depending on which way you looked at it -- you tell me on that one, actually. 

where’s the unrequited love because i’m pretty sure that one shows up a lot

There’s definitely a bit of pragma in there somewhere? Especially when it comes to Philinda fics, since I’ve only recently come to realize I write exclusively in AU. Maybe some ludus as well? Hmm. This is a good question, actually, thanks, Kat! 

15. Why physical quirks do your characters tend to have? Eyebrow raising, picking nails, biting lips, pacing, crossing arms, etc.

I definitely tend to recycle a lot of physical traits now that I think about it, LOL! Eyebrow raising is definitely one of them -- there’s a lot of eyebrow raising, often because it says so much in so little! I’m also fond of the one-cornered upward smirk and the soft smile. And light blushes. 

*taps pen* Hmmm, what else....ah, yes. There’s a lot of eye-rolling. And head-shaking. 

13. What traits do you share with your original characters or what traits do you wish you shared with them?

kat literally said to me “i’m gonna be mean to you on tumblr” while she was typing this ask, so. on this week’s day’s hour’s episode of kat and serena ruin each other’s lives -- 

i only have one original character at this moment in time, and it’s jade wong, who can currently be found in May’s Golden Dragon. what traits do I wish I shared with her? (yes, i’m purposely being mean and answering the second part first)

(warning: spoilers for may’s and cw for coming-out trauma, self-deprecation and anxiety under the cut. also just the general gist of homophobia and family dynamics)

first of all, jade’s hella tall. like, 5′10″ tall, so that’s a big one. i’m pretty short, so to be taller I think would be pretty cool -- see the world from a different perspective. second of all, by default, since may’s is set in new york city, jade lives in new york city, so I wish I shared that with her -- one of my dreams is to move to new york city for at least a couple of years, you know? also, i wish i could pull off the whole ‘leather jacket and motorcycle’ thing like jade does. i’m not tall, so i’m not sure i could ride a motorcycle without dying. and leather jackets are fucking expensive. and i wish i had a little bit of jade’s self-confidence in who she is. that girl’s got it in spades. outwardly, at least. i want what she outwardly projects. or at least to be able to do that. 

what traits do i share with her? this is where i sigh and curse kat for the millionth time under my breath. (it is a day that ends in -day, though, so am i surprised kat’s calling me out? no) 

i’ll come out (ha, see what I did there?) and state the obvious, of course -- jade’s a lesbian. in layman’s terms, as am i. jade’s chinese, as am I. we’re not the same age, although when I first started writing may’s, we were definitely closer than we are now. 

here’s where it gets a little tricker: it’s not so much a trait as it is a past life-defining event that we share in that jade and I have both experienced a not-so-swell coming-out story, and that said story has influenced how we look at life and the choices we make concerning the interactions with people we have. for us, it’s always been being too worried that we were too much -- too clingy, too overbearing, too present, too much of needing a person that we worry we become the toxic person we’ve read about. and you see that in jade: she worries about needing skye so much that she becomes toxically dependent on her, that so much feels right around skye, and that she goes to skye whenever she’s even the slightest bit down because skye’s that important to her. she worries that that is too much, and it’s on her for having been that way because she never gave skye the chance to set up boundaries, rather just barged right the fuck in. hence the return to belleview: if jade leaves, she learns for herself what it is to survive without skye as well as having known what it feels like to have such love in her life. and that it’ll be the kind of love to avoid in the future, because she’s sure it only hurts people. 

it also means that there’s a lot of self-deprecation on both of our ends -- that neither of us deserve the love we’re capable of receiving, and can only give and give while we relish whatever we get in return. we both fall really easily, and when we do, we go hard. there’s a lot of “of course I would be the one to do this, don’t know why I could expect anything fucking else from it” of self-fulfilling prophecies, a lot of “you deserve a lot better than the shitshow that is me” (read: belleview). oh, and a lot of running away from people we like because of said deservedness, fear of commitment, and fear of how deeply we love. (again, belleview.) 

and something I haven’t really had the chance to touch on yet but want to is the way jade experiences the world after her coming out? the explosiveness of her coming out has resulted in the fact that she now needs to overexamine every facet of her life to make sure that she doesn’t upset her precarious family situation, that no one besides her immediate family can find out lest she ruin the delicate balance that is her family politics. (family for us is twisted, too: what do you do when you know your family’s not going to be supportive, but you can’t detach from them because you’re still living with your parents and the relatives’ opinions matter greatly to them because of the close-knit structure of your family?)

and it’s extended to how she sees the world: can she be sure that this space she’s going into is accepting and one she can exist in? can she be sure it won’t turn on her? the lesson her mother (and mine) indirectly taught was you can never know. you can never know where the safe spaces are for sure and you need to treat every space like it’s a volatile one because even the seemingly safe spaces can be rife with hostility. even if it’s passive-aggressive hostility.

all in all, kat’s pretty on the nose when she says that I self-project a lot, so who jade is is a pretty good idea of who I am, emotionally. give or take a couple of backstory events and facets.

thanks, kat, I guess? lmao jk. thanks for being mean to me. let me know if i missed anything and i’ll be sure to tell you

edit: i did forget something, we’re both touch-starved as hell

edit pt. II: you can always be sure we mean the words we say when it comes to serious emotional depth.

[ofmara]

*record scratch* *freeze frame* yep, that’s me. BVCNJ hey lads ~ i’m ally, i’m twenty2, my timezone is est, i use she/her pronouns & full disclaimer: i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing! just keep that in mind when you read this.. trash lmao. anyways! if u wanna plot, feel free to hmu on d*scord at HE IS SO BIIIIG 😩👌🏼🧡#2581 or yk use the lil chat thing on tumblr if u wanna start small or w/e FDCNK no pressure. moving on..

mara’s pinterest: here!

content warning: ..none?? who am i???

( ariana grande & cis female. ) oh my god look, it’s mara de luca! she is a 24 year old singer/songwriter from queens, new york. they were first associated with the met cartel 3 years ago, and the tabloids are always saying she is so impulsive & irreverent, but their stans on twitter say that she is actually really magnetic & passionate.

first thing’s first.. i haven’t written a coherent intro in a fucking Minute, so i’m offering premature apologies for the shitshow that’s about to follow, especially since i really waited til the last second to type this out even if this blog’s been Done for a week smh ANYWAYS!

ok so! mara is what i like to call ‘a textbook new yorker’ in that she’s Loud, she Loves Her Family and she’s Unapologetically Herself. my character inspirations for her are joey from netflix’s the circle, fran fine from the nanny, molly gunn from uptown girls and a little bit of cher from clueless sprinkled in there ( mainly bcos of this gifset lmao ). since i came up with her a few weeks ago, i really had so many different personalities for her but like.. let’s keep reading to see that literally all of them were apparently Not True ~

she was born into a very tightly-knit family & grew up constantly surrounded by them. she’s got three older brothers, meaning she’s the Baby of the family, so she’s been uhhhhhh doted on all her life! we stan! that said, she’s never known what its like to be on her own, especially considering that her family was right by her side every step of the way as she slowly grew her career from childhood. she got her start singing the national anthem at a knicks game when she was 8 and slowly built from there. her parents were always suuuper supportive and did all they could to help her achieve her dreams, even though they were struggling to make ends meet.

her parents own a small bakery in queens that they started when her oldest brother was little and have been a staple in the city ever since. though they’re a somewhat popular spot for tourists and locals alike, ny real estate isn’t cheap, so paying rent both for the store and their apartment above it has always been a struggle, especially once they started dedicating a good portion of their money to plane tickets and agents and all sorts of necessities mara needed in order for her dreams to come true. the extra expense was difficult on her brothers as well, though they made a point never to complain when they had to get a second or third job to help pay the bills.

ANYWAYS she grew up veryyyy close to her family and the sacrifices they made on her behalf didn’t go unnoticed, so the first thing she did when she finally Made It was buy them a bigger space for their bakery ( since her parents Love working it even if its rough sometimes, buddy ) and a new house so ;) we love a Family First mentality!

HOWEVER!! when mara first moved to LA in like?? 2015 or something?? idk timelines.. but anyways when she first moved to LA she was.. how u say.... Depressed cos like even though she was Living Her Dream as the artist she’s always wanted to be ( she lived in queens w/ her family up until after her first Big Break cos she’s a big time daddy’s girl ) .. she was essentially on her own since her family stayed in nyc :/ yk, where they live? yeah. so she was on her own for the first time... Ever & it was scary and stressful and essentially, she wasn’t doing great mentally or emotionally, even if she put on that *ari vc* fake smile.

that was untiiiiiiil she got her first ~ hollywood boyfriend ~ aka someone famous who helped both with her career and as a salve to the constant loneliness the bitch always feelin. long story short, he didn’t last long, but she Needed to feel Wanted so she got Another ~ hollywood boyfriend ~ until it became, like, Her Thing to Always be attached to someone in the tabloids and the press and on Entertainment Tonight. we love a codependent bitch! that’s also kinda how she got to be part of the met cartel cos she immediately attaches herself fully and completely to everyone she meets & falls a little bit in love with every person who has ever said hello to her, so.. Yeah! most of her friendships were likely formed because she just would not leave them alone ( she’s clingy and needy As Fuck, but she knows she is, so she’s constantly worrying about it aka she’s always wondering if people really like her cos she’s been said to be “too much” and “annoying” by some people who.. weren’t interested in being her friend ) anyways.. feel free to lmk if u want ur chara to hate her cos she will fully have her feelings hurt but still want them to like her cos shes a, say it with me kids, people pleaser ~

its v clear why i thought of joey & fran for inspo ( espeeeeecially fran, now that i think about it: i.e. constantly searching for love, lovingly obnoxious ) but as for why she’s like molly gunn... bitch is uhhh naive as fuck and will trust anyone who is even a little bit nice to her so peep her constantly seeing everyone through rose colored glasses and immediately feeling like her heart is broken when they turn out to be someone completely different lmao! also yk in the little mermaid when ariel was like “but daddy, i love him!” ??? YEAH, that’s mara to a fucking T, m8!

i could quite literally go on and on for hours, but to keep it short and sexy, here’s her stats page & i’ll follow up with a list of some little tidbits of info.. some Quirks, if u will..

she hiccups when she cries & BOY does she cry often BVJNCDKM

cannot cook a single mf thing to save her life? yeah.. her parents wanted to let her work in the bakery but .. she burned everything so she was cashier ;)

can quote the entirety of bring it on: all or nothing & as a segue from that, she is very chatty during movies if she’s with even one other person but Silent when she’s alone

will challenge anyone and everyone to mario kart wii as long as she gets to play yoshi ( she has a vendetta against baby peach )

is Constantly Freezing, so she’s always in thick socks and turns the heat up high when she’s at home

has a cavalier king charles spaniel named piper ( yes, i'm using a fc for her dog )

i’m gonna b p selective with which ari songs she’s released both bc i dont like All of ari’s songs & for character purposes ( rip in peace, sweetener )

is classically trained on the piano and sometimes just plays classical music for fun, making up silly lyrics at parties and whatnot lol she’s just Fun & Quirky like that

owns every season of the o.c. on dvd

she has a car but i havent decided if she ever drives it ( or what kind it is, tho i assure u my virgo ass will be researching it at some point ) since she really just barely passed her driver’s test

is constantly in the tabloids for one dumbass thing after the other mostly as an excuse for me to make tabloid edits but like... i love that for her & will 100% be down to include any and all of u if u lmk u wanna be in one

and many more, but i’m really just sitting here rambling UGH EW so lms for plots cos i’m unprepared & i don’t have any wc’s! very on brand for me, i must say

[peachychibi]

ante merediem | Johnny

ante merediem 

Genre: friends-to-lovers!au, college!au | fluff 

Member: Johnny / Reader

Word Count: 1,600+

Warnings: n/a

The more you looked at the three-year old photograph of yourself on your laptop, the more she looked like a stranger to you. It went behind your comprehension, the smiling girl on the screen was you. There was no doubt about that. The memory of the day when the memento got taken was still vivid in the back of your mind. 

There was a gathering for the freshmen on your year, all majors were invited. High on being a newcomer, you got this unexplainable urge to attend any social activities that the campus offered. The excitement was so palpable back then, you actually thought it would last forever. (Funny, because in reality your socalled excitement did not even last for any more than three months). You got to the event with the friends whom you met just one day before. They were practically strangers with mutual condition as yours. It wasn't like you were provided with any other options anyway, you were basically a mere local immigrant who knew nobody in the new city. 

One of the things you remembered the most from the function happened to be the disappointment of how disastrous it turned out to be. You should have known better though, of course your expectation would be so farfetched from actuality. Who even thought it would be a great idea to plan an outdoor event in the wet monsoon? The air was damp, there were mud all over the field yet the sun was unforgivingly bright. The event was delayed for almost an hour leaving the students drenched in cold sweat. To top it all off the MCs who were supposed to lighten up the show were just as awkward as everyone. Truly an absolute failure.

The picture which you took with your new friends remained as the only keepsake from that day. You stood up from the comfort of your bed to walk to the mirror. The reflection was someone you knew, a short-haired young woman with perpetual dark circles under her eyes. This, this person is familiar. It was baffling how the girl on the picture seemed like a total stranger to you. Was it the hair? The girl had longer hair, wavy black hair cascaded pass the juncture of her shoulder. Her eyes, they looked so hopeful. The gleam in her orbs were visible, captured in the moment. But it was her smile that surprised you the most. It looked so genuine, she--you looked like you were basked in unadulterated happiness. So absurd. It did not make any sense to you now, just how could you manage to find any bit in your heart to pull up a perfect fake smile like that. At least you thought it was fake, it should have been right? 

As you sauntered back to your bed, you saw a flicker of light going on and off on through your peripheral vision. It seemed to come from your phone, the vibrating sound indicating a not-yet answered call. You shuffled to the desk in a hurry, impatient to know who was the person on the other side of the line. It's 2 A.M. for God's sake, who on their right minds would contact you? 

Oh, your heart skipped a little when you read the caller ID. It has been five days since the "realization", as your friends gladly put it, and you found it hard to act normal in front of him. In your defense, slipping out of your own obliviousness was an overwhelming experience. Realizing that you had been in totally-not platonic-love with your best friend for God knew how long gave off a sense of foreign anxiety. 

For a second, you were hesitant to press the green button. A wave of nervousness was opening up the subdued floodgates of emotions within you. Curiosity won over though. As per usual, you could never control yourself when it came to him. He was your best friend after all, random 'morning call' was a normalcy between you two. Why should it be different now? 

'Hello?', you answered in a steady voice. Your inner self cheering quietly at this small win. You would never let him notice just how affected you were by his unexpected call. 

'Hi', a shuffling sound could be heard from his side, it sounded like he just dropped something. Knowing him and his clumsiness, the assumption was likely to be true. He continued when it sounded calmer 'Sorry, I accidentally dropped my glasses, did I wake you up?' 

Ha, I was right after all. Deciding to walk the sassy route, you replied, 'No, you didn't. I'm still awake which is exactly why I can pick up the phone, you see' 

His chortle reverberated through the line, 'Nope, I can't see it. This is a voice call not a video one, you hear?' 

'Wow. Real funny, Johnny. Really. I can barely hold my laughter', you could not hold back your smile this time. 

'When was I ever not funny? I am the funniest man in your life!'

'Oh shut up, John', you groaned. Not long after the exchange of silly banters, you both were smoothly falling into mindless ramble. Conversing with Johnny was easy. You both had quick wit and an ability to jump from one topic to another in the speed of light, there was almost no moment of silence to fill the gap. 

'By the way, did you remember the gathering on our freshmen year?'

'Hmm? The one on the basketball field? It was on our first week of college, wasn't it?', he answered correctly. 

'Yeah, that exact one! I'm impressed, you've got good memory.' 

He snorted, 'Duh, of course I do. What about it, anyway?' 

You were going to describe that certain day but he beat you to it, 

'I even remembered that it was the day where we first met. I bet you forgot that fact already, right?' 

Thrown off guard, you were. Now that you think about it, Johnny was the one who took your photograph from that day. 

Shit. 

How could you be so dense? That day turned out to be not shitty at the end. You remembered a tall guy in denim shirt, confidently (and randomly) throwing a witty remark in your conversation—or more like a soliloquy consisting of whines and nags about the event—'I agree this is a shitshow. Why are we even here anyway.' Not gonna lie, you were judging him hard at that time. 

'Oh God. How could I forget you? You were the weird stranger who jumped on another stranger convos.', you opened the forgotten laptop on your bed to see the picture again. 

He squawked indignantly 'Hey! You were the shameless girl with no sense of public decency. Your hateful commentary was not very graceful either.' 

You did not really pay any heed to his words because once again you were curious about the picture. 'I only had literally one remembrance from that horrible gathering and it was a picture which was taken by you.' 

'Which one? Send it to me, I wanna see it' he demanded.

'I'll send you okay, chill.' You logged in to your messenger to send it to him. 'The weird thing from the photo is that I looked unrealistically happy ' 

He laughed 'That's morbid, what the fuck. What's wrong with being happy—Wait I just got the picture.' 

There was a five second silence before he continued 'Well, you did look genuinely happy in it.' 

'I know right? This is so weird because we all know just how shitty that gathering was.' 

He hummed in response 'Perhaps..' 

His words lingered and honestly your lack of sleep did not have time for this unnecessary pause. 'Perhaps what, John?' 

'Well, perhaps you smiled like that because of me' 

It would have been funny, you could have laughed at his words. Hell, you could entertain him by saying how he had been right. Of course, Johnny-honey. You brightened up my day! 

However you just could not bring yourself to joke along. Somehow you sensed that something.. something was off. He was uncharacteristically serious. It even seemed that he was hesitant to say it, as if he was scared of your reaction yet at the same time, he sincerely anticipated it. 

The time gap has been way too long now, none of you dared to say anything. It felt like tip-toeing around a ticking bomb, you both were one second away before the eventual awkwardness. 

You took a glimpse at the clock on the wall, it was currently way past 3 A.M. Maybe your sleep deprivation pushed you to making a rash decision or there was a glitch in your system. 

‘I think so, too.’ you finally breathed out the long overdue answer. 

It was eerily silent, your reply sounded like a hush of wind. You were not even sure he listened to it at all. You hoped he did, though.

‘…You do?’, there was a hint of shock in his voice.. but it did not have an unpleasant tone in it. In contrary, he sounded thoroughly pleased by your answer ‘You really, truly do?’

You were pretty sure by now that he was clearly overjoyed, he sounded like a hyper puppy. Weird comparison, you brain that was wired for linguistic fluency has apparently went fried. 

‘Yeah’ you tried so hard to stop your smile. Biting your lips, hiding your excitement—and failing. 

He suddenly cracked up, it was the infamous boisterous laugh of his, contagious. You ended up laughing with him as well. It was all silly, the situation was all kinds of ridiculous. What were you both even laughing about, your own stupidity? 

The laughter died out not long after, you wept off a tear from your eye. A consequence you had to face due to uncontrollable guffaws. 

‘I’m glad, then.’ He said, ‘Going to that damned gathering was one of the best decisions I made, honestly.’ 

‘Why? ‘Cos you got to meet me?’ you teased him. 

He chuckled, ‘Yeah’ 

‘Okay, then.’ 

‘Just okay?’ 

‘More than okay.’ 

[dontshootmespence]

Supernatural AU: Episode 3 - Home

Part 2

Bobbie’s stomach lurched into her throat when Sam mentioned home.

Time and time again, she and Dean had talked about home and how they never wanted to go back. They said they’d never return.

Head into a werewolf den? No problem. Bust into a vampire nest? Bring it on. A bar full of demons? Sure, why not? But home…where she could feel the heat from the fire, where she could smell the burning wood, where she could still here her father screaming. No thanks. “Why?” She asked, her mouth now dry as a bone. “What makes you think there’s a case?” Collapsing back into the pillows, she had to force herself to listen to Sam and not go back to sleep to forget any mention of home.

“I had a dream,” he said, his voice far off in the distance. Dean and Bobbie looked his way to see Sam frantically scrawling away on a notepad and checking between it and some of the pictures in their father’s journal. “I kept seeing this.” With a quick flick of his wrist, Sam lifted the notepad and showed it to them without ever looking up.

Bobbie couldn’t place it, probably because of the headache, but Dean stared quizzically. “It looks like a tree? What does a tree have to do with anything Sam? What does it have to do with us going home?” The waver in his voice at the mention of home proved that Dean had very real fears – he just didn’t show them.

Finally, Sam’s eyes lit up and a sense of relief flooded him. He must’ve thought he was losing his mind. “I knew I recognized it. It’s from outside our house.”

There was no way Sam would remember that. He was only six months old before it all burned down and they moved away. Sure enough though, his drawing and the picture of them outside their home showed the same tree. “Okay, so that’s the tree from the old house. Why does that mean there’s a case there?” Bobbie asked.

“I have a gut feeling. Please you have to trust me.”

“We’ve gone on less,” Bobbie shrugged. They had, but she couldn’t help feeling like Sam was holding something back.

Dean wasn’t having it though. He always insisted on answers. Hence why Sam tended not to go to him with emotional issues and rather turn to her. She’d just let him talk it out. “No, Sam there’s something you’re not saying. I need more than a gut feeling. Now what’s going on?” Dean did have a tendency to lose control, but not when it came to cases. He jumped on any chance to defeat evil. 

Suddenly, the youthful look drained from Sam’s face and aged him by 10 or 20 years. “It’s…I’ve been having these dreams.”

“Like nightmares about Jessica?” Dean prodded.

“No. They’re nightmares, but…some of them come true.”

Bobbie stared in shock. “How so?” She desperately wanted it to be nothing.

“Like Jessica. I saw her on the ceiling engulfed in flame for a few days prior to it actually happening.” Bobbie and Dean’s mouths dropped open in horrified awe. Before either of them could say anything he continued. “I assumed it was just bits and pieces of what you’ve told me about Mom added with the stress of classes and everything so I brushed it off, but then it actually happened. Last night I had another dream.”

“About Jessica?” Dean asked.

It seemed that the headache medication was doing absolutely nothing because it felt like Bobbie’s head was about to split open. “This didn’t seem like something you should’ve told us? Me?”

“Like I said, I didn’t realize anything was wrong until Jessica.”

Her throat felt raw – like it had been scraped by sandpaper. “But then you should’ve said something! Sam, you tell me everything! Why wouldn’t you tell me? Or Dean? Someone?” This was an absolute shitshow.

“You have enough to deal with…”

He felt guilty about putting something like that on them. But now they felt guilty because he’d been dealing with this all on his own. It was all a giant, vicious cycle. After a few heavy moments hung between them, Dean asked the necessary question. “What was this other dream?”

At least they believed him. Thankfully. He had no idea what he would’ve done if they didn’t. “I saw a blonde woman, probably about Mom’s age, standing at one of the windows on the top floor screaming for help and banging on the glass. That’s all I saw before I woke up, but between that and the dream about Jessica actually coming true, I feel like this woman is in serious danger. Please. This has to mean something, right?”

Dean placed his head in his hands as he glanced toward Bobbie. “We have to do this, don’t we?”

She wanted to throw up. If there was a God, the increasing need to hurl would be because of the whiskey and fried foods she’d had the night before and not the impending sense of doom that hung over her family’s head. “Yea, we do.”

-

The drive back to Lawrence, Kansas was just as excruciating as Bobbie had imagined it would be. Dean was tenser, even worse then he’d been when he and Bobbie realized that something was wrong with their father. He snapped at them at the smallest of questions and Bobbie needed to ask to pull over to the side of road on more than a few occasions so she could take a breather and or throw up. Throwing up in the precious Impala would’ve been the last straw.

“You sure you’re okay?” Sam asked when she got back in the backseat with him. They’d both thought it better to leave Dean to brood in the front seat alone.

But no. “No. I’m not okay Sam. I never wanted to go back to that house. Dean never wanted to go back to that house. Dean only remembers bits and pieces of that night but it’s forever burned in my memory. You know what happened there. I felt it.”

Sam pulled his sister into his shoulder, playing with her hair as she rested against him. He’d never really thought of it that way. Probably because neither of his siblings had talked much about that night. Bobbie was open about everything else, but that she walled up behind the strongest of concrete. Everything he’d ever known about that night came from her, Dean and their father, but she had to live with it.

When she woke up a few hours later, Sam whispered apologies. “What for?” She asked. 

“Whatever it was that killed Mom was standing over my crib. I can’t help but feel like she died because of me.”

Immediately her eyes went wide and she was awake. “No,” Bobbie said. “Don’t. Whatever killed her is at fault. Even if it had to do with you it was its decision. You are not to blame for Mom and if you ever say that again and I’m gonna smack you in the back of the head.” Tears threatened to flood her eyes but she managed to pull them back. Her head still hurt too much to exacerbate it with tears.

“You smack hard. I don’t want that.”

“So don’t say it ever again.”

Easier said than done. Probably impossible. But he’d try.

-

Stepping up to the door of their old house was like being transferred back in time. It looked the same as it had all those years ago. Obviously, it had been rebuilt since then but to Bobbie it was still shrouded in darkness.

Sam didn’t see it that way and she thanked the stars above for that. To him it looked like the normal life he’d never truly had, that thing in pictures that grounded him after the worst of cases. He offered to be the one to knock on the door, so she stood back, blinded by the morning sun as Sam rapped on the door of their past. “Hello?”

Wow, she really looks like Mom, Bobbie thought. It was just another reason that being back here and Sam’s dreams couldn’t possibly be a good thing. Dean went off hunter’s instinct and tried passing them all off as agents before Sam just came clean. “We’re Sam, Dean and Bobbie Winchester,” he said, pointing to the three of them. “This actually used to be our old house. We were in town and wondered if we might be able to take a look around, for old times’ sake.”

A look of recognition crossed her eyes as she welcomed them inside.

Dean raised an eyebrow in Bobbie’s direction. “That’s actually the last thing I want,” he muttered.

Neither of them wanted to go back inside, but it was actually Dean who placed his hand on Bobbie’s arm, giving her a small squeeze of reassurance as they stepped over the threshold in the holder of their worst memories. They could do this. It was just like any other case, right? They had to investigate. “I actually found some of your pictures in the basement,” the woman, Jenny, said. So that’s why she’d let three strangers into her house. Honestly, Bobbie was surprised that everything hadn’t been lost in the fire. “You have such a cute family.”

Had actually. Now it was mangled and fucked up to almost beyond recognition.

In the kitchen, Bobbie noticed a few updates, but the layout was still the same. The refrigerator was still in the same place. The stove, though new, looked similar to the one they’d had 20-plus years ago. The little girl, Jenny’s daughter Sari, however looked ill at ease to say the least. Her eyes fixed far off in the distance despite the fact that she should’ve been doing homework.

“So what brought you here?” Dean asked, noticing the cardboard boxes scattered around the house.

Jenny told them about needing a fresh start after the end of her marriage. All three siblings couldn’t help feel like this woman deserved more after going through that heartache – and she wasn’t going to get it here. “How are you liking it so far?” He continued.

She opened her mouth to speak but then stopped. “I don’t mean to be rude. I’m sure you all have a lot of good memories here-“ Umm…no. “But the house does have its issues. The lights flicker a lot. The sink is backed up. There are rats in the basement.”

Bobbie released a breath through her nose that she didn’t realize she was holding. “Have you seen rats? Or just heard a noise? Like a scratching.”

“Yea. How did you know?”

“Ask them if it was here when they lived here,” the little girl said.

“What?” Sam asked.

Jenny tried to do what most parents did, wave away childish dreams and fears on instinct but Bobbie had noticed Sari’s discomfort the instant she stepped into the kitchen. “There’s something in my closet,” she said softly. “It’s on fire.”

-

Shit. Shit. SHIT!

As they walked out of the house, Sam had to keep his voice low. “We have to get them out of there.”

“What are we supposed to do?” Dean asked. It wasn’t as if they could barge right in there and tell this woman her house was haunted by something none of them could name or describe, that it had killed their mother and might want to kill them too.

“We tell her. She has a right to know.” Sam had the right intentions but that wasn’t going to work. It was against that unspoken hunter policy.

Bobbie got out of her own head for two seconds to shake some sense into Sam. “She’ll think we’re insane and she’ll never let us in there again. Then we can’t do anything to help them.”

“We’ll have to find another way,” Dean said as the three of them made their way back to the Impala. Since the gas tank was low anyway, Dean drove them to the nearest place to fill up so they could kill two birds with one stone and hopefully clear their heads. “Okay, okay.” Dean gathered his face in his hands and took a deep breath. “This isn’t just another case to us, but it is just another case. So what would we normally do?”

“Interview neighbors. See if they remember anything from back then. Talk to the people who owned the house previously, which in this case would be us,” Bobbie said on autopilot.

Sam added. His specialty of course. “Research.”

“So that’s where we start,” Dean replied.

“Well, what do you guys remember?” Sam asked. “Like really remember. Maybe there’s something in your stories that can put us on the path to some answers.”

“Don’t you think we’d have found whatever it was by now?” Dean asked.

“For all intents and purposes, I have fresh eyes. Maybe I will notice something.”

That made sense, though neither of the older Winchesters wanted to tell the tale again. “I was a really light sleeper,” Dean started. He wasn’t anymore. Especially if he drank, then he was out like a freaking light. “I heard Bobbie’s footsteps so I got up to see what was wrong. Then we were on our way out of the house. Then we were out and Dad was behind us.” He remembered feeling scared, but aside from that and those few minor details, he couldn’t remember much. He’d barely been three at the time.

“Bobbie?”

She swallowed back the bile that had been building in her throat. “I heard Mom scream, but I figured Dad would see what was wrong so I stayed in my room, but then I heard him scream Mom’s name.”

Dean and Sam knew that John had been the one to find Mary on the ceiling, but somehow it felt even more real now that Bobbie had said as much. She’d heard their father in a moment of pure terror. “When I heard him scream, I got up. He was already in the hallway with you in his arms,” she said, glancing up at Sam. “He gave you to me and I clutched you against my chest and ran. Dad never looked so scared. I pulled Dean by the collar of his pajama shirt because he was so confused as to where Mom and Dad were and why they weren’t coming with us.”

“You carried me out?” Sam asked. He’d never known that before.

Nodding, she finished off retelling the painful memory. “I still feel the heat from the fire. I can still feel the weight of the necklace Mom and Dad had given me.”

“You had a necklace?” Dean asked. Bobbie didn’t wear jewelry.

“It was just a cross – plain silver, but in that moment I stopped believing in God, so I ripped it off and threw it on the floor.”

God had forsaken her, so she forsook him too

@remember-me-forever-silent-angel @gaylemonshark  @marveldivergentouatdctvfangirl @lalirang @averagekansan @addsomesalt @stusbunker @sebba-hiddles @fanfictionrecommendations-com @hoppy519 @thatwrestlingfan91 @extremeobsessions101 @spence-imagines @bettercallsabs @whaaatthefuuuuck @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @your-imagination-runs-wild @cryinglots @steggy01 @gigilame @sedulous-mind @a-unique-girls-heaven @just-antiyou @rmmalta @original-criminal-fanfics @ties-n-suits @veroinnumera @eurusholmmes @fanficienjoyedreading @astridstark13​

[umbrahighpriestofgiratina]

Rude Awakening Chapter 7

Well. And I thought the last delay was bad. It's been over a year. The reason being that my motivation to do fic at all was kicked in the nether regions throughout the latter half of 2017, and come 2018 I had enough writer's block on this particular project to delay it further as I focused on others. For that, I apologize to everybody who was even remotely invested in this fic. That said, here it finally is. A slower chapter, but one that sets up for bigger things to come. Chapter 7: Love and War

The mage fired a blast of dark energy at Palkia, aiming for her head. Palkia casually deflected the blast with her staff, then opened a rift in space that sucked the mage in before closing. ~Are you sure the non-lethal method for these guys is gonna work?~ said Hoopa's voice in her head. ~Well it's not like we can wanton murder the locals,~ said Palkia back. One by one, she spatially warped every that came after her, until there were none left. Soon, her group and the Shepherds were the only living people left in the battlefield. The Shepherds themselves were rather worse for wear; the local healers were getting together to patch people up. Meanwhile, Palkia looked over to Robin, who was putting away his spelbooks and cleaning off his robes. A green-haired girl in pink approached him. Palkia sighed. -------------- Palkia paced in her tent. Nearby, Dialga, Palkia, and Giratina were slumped over, exhausted. "Remind me of why we're on cleanup duty again, sis?" Giratina asked. "Again, the end is coming, and we need to stop it." "Shouldn't there be more to it than just... tagging along?" said Dialga. "Something could crop up at any moment. We need to be prepared." "We've been doing this for two years!" said Hoopa. "That's piecemeal for us, sure, but it's a decent while for the humans that make up, you know, ninety percent of this group?" "It's also peacemeal for the thing we're fighting. The dark dragon god that wants to, remember, be reborn through one of the leaders of this fucking group?" "Shouldn't we be taking care of that, then?" said Dialga. Palkia gulped. "I'm trying but..." "Let's just say things are getting complicated." ------------------ A couple weeks earlier, Palkia was looking for a good spot to sit down and eat, when she saw Robin approaching her. She perked up and moved to hand him some of the food she was carrying, only to notice he seemed rather nervous. "Something wrong?" she asked. "Can I ask you something?" said Robin. "Sure, what is it?" "It's about that Manakete girl we recruited a while back. Tiki." "Yeah, what about her?" "I think I... I... I'm in love with her." Palkia started. Several thoughts flooded her mind at once, but the first and foremost to emerge was: Robin x Tiki? Who even ships that? She immediately bit her tongue, going: Palkia you idiot these are real people you don't think things like that even though they are also technically fictional in your world and gah just give him advice already. "Is that so?" said Palkia, smirking and striking a pose. "Well well, I assume you need advice on wooing the lucky lady?" "Er, yes, I suppose. You two have a similar... energy, so to speak? I've already asked Gaius and he wasn't entirely sure what to do aside from offering her some candy. Which I did. Turns out she has a licorice allergy. We haven't spoken since." Palkia filed all those facts, especially the thing about Gaius, away for later before responding. "Well, uh... It's probably been long enough. Maybe just approach her casually, like in the mess hall, apologize, and work from there?" "I don't know, though, I'm... I'm still awfully embarrassed and she might still be mad..." "Knowing her, I doubt it. Just have some faith in yourself, alright? Or don't listen to me because I'm aro ace." "You're what?" "Er... Never mind. Just do it, buddy. I know you can." Robin shook his head, then nodded, and headed off. Immediately various thoughts started swimming through Palkia's head. Tiki is a demigod. The daughter of a previous incarnation of Naga. Robin has the blood of Grima, who they're trying to stop. The two of them together... Gaius. She had to find Gaius. She rushed off through a space portal as fast as she could. ----- Gaius was relaxing by himself, a bowl of candies before him as he slowly popped them into his mouth. This peaceful scene was interrupted by a rift in space appearing behind him and Palkia emerging, grabbing Gaius, and shaking him like a rag doll. "GaiusineedtoknowwhenandhowyoulearnedaboutRobinandTikipotentiallybeingathing!" "Gah! Slow down Spacey!" said Gaius. Palkia released Gaius from her grip and sat down. "Sorry..." "This isn't about the licorice, is it?" said Gaius. "No! I just... Need to know more about how this happened!" "Kind of a snoop, are you? I dunno, Tiki got curious about Bubbles, Bubbles got curious about Tiki, and the next thing I know he comes asking me for romantic advice! Honestly regarding Tiki I'm kind of jealous of her..." "Right. Why was she gravitating to him in particular?" "When I talked to Robin about it after the licoriche incident he said she gravitated to the "strange aura" he had. Weird dragon bullshit I tell you. "Strange... Aura... Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no." "Wait, wha-" Palkia had already vanished through another rift in space. Gaius shrugged and started picking up his candies. ----------------- "...And that's why we need to watch this relationship like a Staraptor and intervene if something's up," said Palkia. "Okay then," said Hoopa. "Why didya wait until now to tell us?" "I thought things would stay awkward after the licorice incident," said Palkia, "but then my advice worked! He talked to her and they kept talking and now they're kinda sorta dating?" "Well, that certainly backfired, sister," said Dialga. "I know..." said Palkia. "What do we do now?" "Simple!" said Giratina. "We set Tiki up with Wuzzles, give her a love potion from Hoopa's Stash, and presto! Problem solved." From outside the tent Wuzzles gave a growl of objection. "Do I even have a love potion?" said Hoopa. "Okay, that's not going to work." said Palkia. "I'll ask for Naga's advice on this. She's Tiki's mother, right? Surely she'll object and tell us what to do." "It's worth a shot," said Palkia. Dialga nodded, shifted to his monster rabbit form, and headed off. So did Panne, who was listening nearby. ------------ Despite the distance, Dialga arrived in short order, heading straight to Naga. "What is it, Dialga?" said Naga. "It's about your daughter, Tiki," said Dialga, reverting to his draconic form. "She's in love with the potential future vessel of Grima." "I understand," said Naga, "but there is little I can do." "Why not?" said Dialga. "Well, for one, it's not entirely accurate to say she's my daughter, more the daughter of a previous me," said Naga. "My responsibility toward her has long passed." "Yes, so?" said Dialga. "Second... She's seen so much to suffer for in her life. I like to let her be happy when she's awake and has the chance." "Hm," said Dialga "But her mingling with Grima's power... Could it be dangerous?" "For now Grima's potential lies within Robin and only Robin," said Naga. "It has no chance of passing on to Tiki." "And what of... Their offspring?" "That I cannot say. You are working to prevent Robin's manifestation as Grima, yes?" "But of course." Naga smiled gently. "Then nothing should come ill of this union." "If you say so..." said Dialga. He sighed. "It's been two years. That's nothing to you and me but a while to those humans. We haven't found a cure." "I have faith in you and your companions, my friend," said Naga. "...Friend?" said Dialga. "Of course," said Naga. "We've only known each other for a short while and yet you're the best company I've had in millenia." "Th... Thank you." said Dialga. "But I must be going." He shifted to his rabbit form and ran off as fast as he could, Naga waving him goodbye. ------------ "...So we do nothing?" said Palkia. "Nothing," said Dialga. "This stinks!" said Hoopa. "We've been doing nothing but watching and waiting since we figured out this place is scheduled for a shitshow! This world is doomed, aint it? We gotta do something to put a stop to that!" "We can't directly intervene, though!" said Palkia. "If we break out all our fancy tricks at once, the jig is up, and there's no telling if the locals will be with or against us!" "They're just humans and a few extras though," said Giratina. "We can deal with them eas-" "That's what we said about Cyrus!" said Palkia. There was stunned silence from Dialga and Giratina. Hoopa's eyes widened and he slowly started backing up. "I..." said Palkia. "I'm sorry, I just-" "Okay, that's enough." Panne suddenly barged into the tent, followed by Libra and Virion. "You four!" said Virion. "We've caught you in the act! Now you've got some explaining to d-" He was promptly interrupted with a scream as Wuzzles pounced on him. Giratina sighed and pulled Wuzzles off. "Bad boy! I told you, no eating the other Shepherds." Virion got up and dusted himself off, panting heavily. Libra continued for him. "Panne informed us of your conspiracies; we three have been suspicious of your activities for a while." "Just what is going on with you all?" said Panne. The group paused. Then, Palkia sighed. "Let me handle this, guys." She took a deep breath. "This is gonna be hard to believe but... We're gods. From another world. We came here for a good time, but things got hairy when we found out an evil god from your world's due to be resurrected. We're sorry." "Hah!" said Virion. "We knew as much, didn't we Libra and Panne?" "Indeed I did," said Libra. "Your divine presence was apparent from the start." "And with me discovering Quentin's true nature myself," said Panne, "All that remained was scrutinizing your motives. Which we've been trying to do for two long years." "I guess two years of me and Howard trying to throw you of didn't work..." said Hoopa.\ "At least the pranks were good," said Giratina. "So discard that charade of some dark god from our world you're trying to stop and tell us the truth!" "They are," said Libra. "Huh?" said Virion. "You've heard the rumblings about Grima, have you not? If they are on our side in that fight they could be valuable allies." "...Allies?" said Panne. "...So you'll help us?" said Dialga. "I will," said Libra. "Question is if my companions will." Panne looked between everyone and then snarled at Dialga. "Impersonating one of my kind is still a sore spot, but if you wish to do more help than harm, I will aid you." "...Well, I guess if they are I will too," said Virion. Palkia grinned. "An alliance it is." "Now what?" said Giratina. "We come up with a plan," said Libra. And they set to work, making charts and illustrations and discussing amongst themselves. ----------------------- Shortly after, Panne was standing outside, listening to the noises around her. A such, she soon heard Dialga approaching. "...You." "...Yes, it's me." "What do you want?" "I talked to Naga. Multiple times." "And?" "I want to bring your kind back." Panne sighed, then turned around to face Dialga. "Even if you truly are a deity from another world. You have a monumental task ahead of you." "I know. That's why I want your help." Panne paused. "...You truly wish to help someone such as me? And my kind?" "I do." The faintest hint of a smile crept onto Panne's lips. "I will say this. You are not taguel. But you are not manspawn either. And I can see you truly care. I will accept your help." A small smile crept onto Dialga's lips as well. ----------------------- Walhart had been defeated. After a ceremony to honor the lives lost - particularly that of the Feroxian Khan Basilio - a massive party among the Sheperds was held. Drinks, food, games, all were had, and even Wuzzles participated in the fun. Amidst the hullabaloo Palkia approached Tiki. "Yo?" "Oh, hello, Palkia!" said Tiki. "Hey," said Palkia. "How's it going?" "Good! I love parties! One of the few things that can keep me awake, haha..." "That's good. How are you and Robin doing?" "Oh! We're doing well!" She fidgeted noticeably. "I... I'm starting to think we're more than friends, though..." Palkia blinked. Right, that doesn't happen until S Support. Also I need to stop thinking in game terms. "Really? I can definitely see it." "H-Huh?" "Yeah, you're totally into each other. Like, super-into each other." "I don't know... I'm worried I'm projecting Marth onto him..." "Then don't. Value him as the person he is. And hey, I'm friends with him. He's a pretty great guy." "I just worry about what people will think sometimes..." "Don't. There's going to be people who want to stop your relationship. People who object. People who think it will end in disaster. Those people don't matter if you think you can have a healthy, supportive relationship with him." "...Alright. Thank you, Palkia." Tiki looked around. "He left the party to go do some paperwork... I ought to keep him company. She got up and left. Palkia sighed. "Good luck, Tiki. You and Robin both need it. And so will we." ***

[allaboardthemetro-blog]

Entering the Final Act || Akira || ATTN: All Passengers

His smirk grew slowly as everyone reacted.  He was glad to see Airi put the knife down; getting stabbed would really put a damper in this moment he was savoring.  The anger, the fire everyone was spitting out… He’d even gotten Billy to snap. And here he’d thought the guy was too foolhardy to actually crack.  This was beautiful, honestly. If only there were more people to see it.

Would applauding a little overdo it?  It would probably overdo it. Still, it wasn’t like he was going to be regularly interacting with these people after this.  Just some things for the police, maybe a little for HPA, and then home free. And jegus, the urge to clap was just too strong right now.

So, he did it.  He brought his hands together, his slow claps echoing throughout the trial room.  Congratulations, everyone, you found the mastermind. You found the one who put you on this train and didn’t stop until the station of living hell.  Bask in your glory.

Here he was, and he was about to talk your goddamn ears off.

“So, why’d I do it?”

“I’m sure you’ve all been waiting long enough for some sort of answer.  You’ve watched your classmates die around you, send some of them to their deaths by your own hand, and for what?  Why would anyone want to do this? And especially to us, just innocent little HPA students?”

He cracked his knuckles and took a deep breath.  “Well! You’ve heard of the Reserve Course, right?  I’d hope you would have, given that I’ve been here this whole time.  So I’m not going to explain it for you if you don’t. Too bad.

“What you might not know is what sort of treatment the Reserve Course students get.  Long story short, we’re like the red-headed stepchildren of the establishment. Even though we pay the outrageous tuition that funds the whole place, we’re treated like substandard by pretty much everyone on campus.  We’re students, but we don’t get to use any of the fancy equipment our money pays for, we don’t get the benefit of ‘guaranteed success upon graduation,’ and we don’t get any goddamn respect.

“And it’s not even like we all wanted to be here!  Sometimes, it’s just your parents assuming oh he must want to go!  Let’s uproot him from his friends and isolate him with the person he’s known since forever and see how they improve, hm?  Oh, this is gonna be great…”

He paused for a few seconds, then cleared his throat.  “But I digress. Anyway…

“The one thing I despise most about HPA?  It gives kids false hope. They sell this narrative about talent, how if you work hard enough, even you, you pathetic little Reserve Courses, you too can join us in the Talent Course!  The goddamn Land of Milk and Honey. It's all bullshit.  Like, seriously, that's not cynicism, that's just reality.  You come from all over the world, have experiences all over the world.  Talia’s from Australia, at least, and this is just a sample group. There's so many more.  There's no way any average Reserve Course student would be able to replicate that sort of world experience and recognition.  No matter how much they want it, no matter how determined they are, no matter how much money their parents funnel into them. But the academy puts this shitty idea in their head, that maybe if they work hard enough, they’ll be able to compete with these ridiculously lucky people who had all the right opportunities!

“And some people actually believe it.  That if they can run a kickass newspaper on campus, they're sure to become a Talent Student, the SHSL Reporter.  But they can't. There's no way that can compare to someone else who's had better opportunities. It'll get overlooked, in spite of all the effort she pours into it.  They just won't care.”

He paused again, but for less time than before.  After a deep breath, he balled his hands into fists, thrust them down at his sides, and continued.

“So, pretty damn clear I hate this place.  But, I'm not alone. Far from it! In fact,there's more than one organization that'd love to see this academy go down in flames.  One particular organization -- though I'm not going to name them, I'm sure they don't want the authorities on their tail -- had the perfect idea to do it.  Create a scandal so devastating, something that would be such a blemish on the academy, they just couldn't stay open. And it should be pretty obvious to you what this scandal is: the mutual killing game.

“So, they have the plan, and they have the means!  There's just one thing they don't have -- an in. They have no way to get in and legitimately gather some HPA students for this, without the academy getting suspicious.”  At this, he chuckled. “That's where I came in. What better place to find a like-minded individual than on the internet? They find me, a genuine student, and with pretty good standing thanks to the student-run paper I'm part of, the Reserve Hope Shimbun.  I have the connections, they have everything else they need, it's a perfect match.

“So we make a deal.  As satisfying as it is to bring down the shitshow that is Hope’s Peak Academy, it's not something I do for nothing.  And I have this friend, you see -- the other founding member of the Reserve Hope Shimbun. She's a good girl, earnest, hard-working, and wants more than anything to be a reporter.  And for some stupid, bullshit reason…” He took a moment to glare out at the students in the trial room. “...she thinks she needs to go through HPA to do that. But now, that doesn't have to be the case.  Her getting a job as a reporter at a news station somewhere in Japan was one of my conditions. And since I've held up my end of the deal, they're legally bound to hold up theirs. She'll get what she's wanted all her life, and she won't have to stake everything on some shitty school that can't even protect its own students from themselves.

“As for me?  I want a life away from all of this.  From all this chaos, all this snubbing, all this talent.  After I get the fuck out of HPA, I’m angling for an average job.  That was the other part of my contract. I'd love a job as an accountant, but, y’know, I'm not picky.  Any sort of salaryman job’ll do. Then maybe I can pick up life where it left off. Move up on the corporate ladder, build a nice family, make a good life for myself.  I've got simple dreams, I'm not asking for much.

“As for you guys?  Heh. It's been pretty damn fun watching you all fall apart, and it's gonna be fun watching what happens next.  This organization I'm working for has their eggs in a lot of baskets, including the media. Useful for getting my friend that job, and useful for making sure Hope's Peak Academy burns.  Once we get out of here, just about every network is gonna wanna know the details.  What toils you went through, what depravity your captors subjected you to.  You'll never be able to get a moment's peace!  You'll never be allowed to forget what happened here.  And you'll never be able to say who did this to you.

“But, at least you'll be able to live your lives.  HPA won't be so lucky. They send their students off to see the headquarters of a newspaper, and then they do nothing when they're kidnapped along the way.  I really did take the time to schedule a field trip, by the way. I asked the faculty for permission, set up the outing with the newspaper itself, it all checked out on paper.  They had no idea it was just a front. Until we failed to show up, of course. Naturally, the organization in charge of this set up the train and the venue. They even set up the conductor!”

The mention of the conductor seemed to remind Akira why they had all gathered here in the first place.  With a peeved sigh, he looked away, then shrugged.

“Oh yeah.  Speaking of Jenova.  Guh, the fucking wimp.  Yeah, I killed him, you're welcome.  He was right, I was sort of planning to kill him, but not from the outset of all this.  He was doing fine at first, but...honestly, if you're going to start a dirty job, you finish the dirty job.  He was getting soft, wanted to wrap this up because ‘he couldn't take it.���”  He scoffed. “Couldn't take it… You do what you need to do. Beggars can't be choosers, he ought to have know that better than I did!

“So… Are we ready to wrap this up?  Ready to get back to the rest of our lives in the real world, for better or for worse?  Because I'm sure as hell ready to see what arises from all of this…”

[lilahgoode]

SINCE I’M ABSOLUTE GARBAGE !!! i’m writing up my ugli ass intro for delilah @ 4:19am on a wednesday with no prospects of it going well at all !! aha !! it’s been a super busy couple of days for me, so i KNOW this is late okay please dont hate me !!! anyways .. it’s ya girl ally ( @lionshcart​ ) and this is uhh my second chara !! her name is delilah and she has never met the plain white t’s !!

( danielle campbell, cisfemale, she/her ) ↷ hey, that’s DELILAH GOODE who’s originally from ORLANDO, FLORIDA. i heard they’re TWENTY-TWO and have been working on the ship as a NURSE for TWO MONTHS. other passengers seem to say they’re BRASH and IMPULSIVE, but are also known to be BRAVE and SELFLESS. when they’re missing home, i heard CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM, WATCHING THE SUNRISE & CORNY JOKES can always cheer them up.

SCREAMS okay lets get this shitshow started !!

this is my lil kid delilah + she’s a big ass Nerd ! no joke she loves sci-fi, disney, musical theater & greek mythology ( aka she’s me )

she grew up in orlando to a kindergarten teacher ( her mother ) and a sociology professor ( father )! they both were really big on education and tbh they prolly thought she was gonna go into teaching like them cos uhh yk family legacy and all yk?? but she has always had a knack for healing, always been super interested in how she can fix people and make them feel better

her dad is uhh her bff so theyre really close and she video chats him three times a week with news and updates and generally just to talk so she will drop everything for that call home and its generally adorable bye

she’s still a student, so she’s doing her residency on the ship ( uhh dont ask me if this is actually possible bc i have no fuckin clue im just making this up as i go ) so shes still sort of a novice tho she will act like that pediatrician we all had when we were little who is kind but firm about eating healthy and getting plenty of exercise while also giving u a lollipop and a dragon tales sticker

she’s going to school for pediatrics but she does pretty much everything but like surgeries on the ship ( general nurse things like treating sicknesses, broken bones, stitches etc )

anywhen shes very free spirited meaning she Will take a risk even if it means patching herself up in the infirmary and is generally flexible with the rules ( catch a girl acting like a college student on spring break when not on duty )

tho her job makes her seem more mature and older than she really is, she’s only 22, so shes still young enough to want to have fun and get wild at times

she hasnt dated a lot since high school because school has made it difficult for her to make time, but now that she’s working on a pretty steady schedule shes got more free time to uhhh ;) u know

shes v kind-hearted and amiable so uhh be her friend please <3 BUT on the flip side shes confrontational too and damn stubborn to boot so have Fun in an argument with this gorl

this is waaaay shorter and less detailed than i planned but its uhh almost 5am so .. hibgjnm

[zhantilniiraala]

so i had an elaborate narrative of a villainous dream last night

it was pretty fucking great and i'm gonna try to jot down a list of salient points from my subconscious before i forget too much of it. this actually occurred across several sleep cycles as i distinctly remember waking up in the middle because a puppy was licking me a couple of times, but as long as i don't wake up too much in betweensies i have semi lucid dreams and redirect it back to what was happening if i'm liking the experience.

i spent my dream half of the time as flug and half of the time as... flug's... sister???? somebody my sleepbrain made up anyways, she looks like a lot like a mixture of sugar and zacharie from off

flug's sister is into girls and has a bangin gf with blue hair

i'm just gonna call sister person sugar for ease of referral

first half of dream i was sugar and hanging out in a spooky haunted house with several random npcs

it was kind of like saw 2 but instead of jigsaw it was black hat doing all sorts of torturey shit to kill off the group

i get the sense that this was sometime between bh taking over the world the first time and forming his brand and line of villain products, so i guess he hadn't quite gotten tired of just trolling around doing bad guy stuff yet

sugar ended up escaping and leading bh on a merry chase through my standard dreamtime cityscape (my dreams reuse a lot of scenery)

eventually the chase ended up at the wild west section of an amusement park

i believe sugar got away on a train and fled back into a more militarized section of the city

at this point the narrative thread gets a little fuzzy

but eventually i end up as part of a large crowd in a theater who are all apparently competing to be bh's sidekick for his new villain company

i'm also kind of jumping pov between sugar and flug now

nothing to do with the story persay but bh definitely has a black leather vest that he wears sometimes that he was in for part of this while looking at a security cam screen and godDAMN does he look good in it

(also he has hips for days when he so chooses)

idk where this last one came into my brain from but i also have several other subconscious bh headcanons from this shitshow of a dream

like the fact that he has a bottomless hell pit somewhere in bh hq

and he totally does have hair sometimes, it's just a wig type thing so also technically a hat

sometimes the hair is different colors (perhaps he hadn't settled squarely on the bh brand appearance and logo yet?)

i guess the true hc here is that he shapeshifts all the gd time to mess with people

so at this point bh has given a speech about wtf all us aspiring sidekicks are doing here and pov settles on flug

crowd is advised to go to the bathroom beforehand

we have a view of the outside of the public restroom in bh hq and it's unisex, i guess bh is progressive

so anyhow there's a wild gauntlet of deadly challenges to pick a sidekick, most of the others are super extra dead

this isn't regular ded

this is ADVANCED ded

flug makes it though

one of the final challenges is some sort of evil game show with inscrutable rules known only to bh (who is the host obv)

flug does very well using the power of SCIENCE(tm) to determine the identity of an explosive substance and how it can best be used

also the other two game show competitors end up being sugar and a 5.0.5 lookalike

there's another wacky chase scene through the warehouse (of evil) where this is taking place

flug has gunshoes to go faster (but made of test tubes). they serve the same purpose. i'm calling them gunshoes.

the three reach the end of the and find that the ultimate prize is not being a sidekick to bh, but just escaping with your life

but bh drops some kind of vague hint about being persistent

it was very disappointing and the three wander off to commiserate

they wind up in a bathroom

because my subconscious is apparently bathroom-centric??????

and while flug (still me btw) is poopin he has an epiphany

(the best ideas sometimes come while poopin after all)

and inadvertently tells the other two that if only they go back again to show their persistence, maybe they will actually be chosen

flug feels like a dumbass because the other two immediately run back to the hq, while he is stuck mid poo

he sadly washes his hands (personal hygiene is important) and meanders back to hq feeling sorry for himself

when he gets outside the door he sees sugar leave and run off with her gf so clearly something went wrong

then goes inside and finds that the 5.0.5 was actually a dude in a bear suit and he's gone absolutely batshit crazy in the past few minutes since they parted ways

it seems that bh was waiting there and does some horrifying eldritch shit with his face

and flug is just like "neat"

so i guess the job description includes not going insane and/or tossing one's cookies whenever bh does something truly cthuloid

which let's be real is like a regular tuesday for him

so hey! flug gets the jorb

also as an afterthought/series of observations that have been semipresent in the subtext for a while now but can't get across without directly addressing them

i have the sense that bh definitely does not do "personal space"

particularly when either angry (often) or very excited/hyperfocused on something (not often)

so poor little nerdling flug

whose main source of social contact is ranting at people who are wrong on the internet

and whose main source of PHYSICAL contact is various lab animals

(and who already has a great deal of professional supervillain admiration for bh)

has promptly developed an unhealthy crush

which bh tolerates only because flug is aro as heck and there's no gross attempts at a display of affection

so yeah flug is mmmmmdefinitely into that

Bad Shit

[yakumtsaki]

Well, well, well, look who’s back with the most morally repugnant update in Union history. Me. It’s been a very productive summer of Netflix, chill and giving wrong directions to tourists but all good things must come to an end. Also coming to an end is my ill-fated attempt to kill Max, who, after refusing to eat the cake FOR 2 FUCKING DAYS is finally released from the cage of death. Honestly, I’m impressed, Max, you’re definitely not as stupid as you look.

-Yea, I get that a lot.

I doubt that but whatever, now gtfo and I better not see your Komei-clone ass around Jojo ever again or it’s back in prison for you!

-So, Jojo, not that we’re not all extremely invested in the excruciating selection process of your husband, but are you any closer to picking one?? I mean I love this whole commune thing we have going but the constant food delivery for 8 is killing us.

-We’re afraid not, dear brother, it’s starting to look like no one in this world is worthy of our majesty.

Ugh are we really doing royal ‘we’ now? Is this what this has come to?

-Yes, college has really helped develop our sense of self-worth.

How can it be self-worth if you’re ‘we’?

-This is exactly the kind of idiotic questioning that would get you eliminated from the suitor process. 

Oh, perish the thought! And miss out on this classical-music-dick-measuring-contest you have them doing?

-Ew seriously, Francis, Vivaldi? Why don’t you turn up to Justin Bieber while you’re at it.

Man, what a zinger! Good times. JOJO PICK A FUCKING DUDE ALREADY SO I CAN MOVE THE OTHERS OUT THE LOT IS LAGGY AS SHIT

-I lost the dick measuring contest and my punishment is sleeping on the couch.

KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP MELODY

-Maybe later, Real Housewives of Pleasantview is on, Cassandra is getting dragged for the pigtails!!

-Ha, look at this Vivaldi-listening losér! Point at him and laugh, everyone!

-Who’s laughing now, bitch? Not you with that hoof right in your French-whore mouth!

-Ugh, aren’t you late for the beans-on-toast feast, you limey piece of merde?

Not since the 100 Years War have French-British tensions ran this high. Of course that one was for a throne, while this one..

-Is for something far more important.. Our heart.

LMAO Jojo please be serious, you don’t have a heart.

-We absolutely do and it’s made out of pure gold.

Yea I guess, I mean gold is a metal after all! 

-Do you really think you should be eating decaying Chinese food, mon cheri? You’re going to need a soda to digest it and you know it’s too cold for your teeth!

-Wyatt, I don’t pay you to think, I pay you to sit across from me and look pretty, and occasionally to scooch down next to me so I look taller.

-You actually don’t pay me at all.

-Yes and obviously I’m getting my money’s worth.

Wow Jojo tone it down, your gold heart is shinning so brightly I’m gonna go blind!

Precious Gunther has added three new addictions to his existing sex one! A) working out in this atrocious outfit.

B) blowing bubbles from dawn to dusk.

and c) and the most disturbing one, constantly being alone in enclosed spaces with his brother’s intended, Brit Brit. At first I wasn’t too worried about it, thinking Brit is a popularity sim so it’s only natural..but then..

I SEE THIS. GODDAMMIT GUNTHER WHY MUST YOU HAVE CHEMISTRY WITH EVERYONE

-Man idk, it’s almost supernatural. Blame it on God ;)

UGH I don’t even know who I hate more, your whore ass-

-or this fucking llama that hasn’t gone home in 3 days and is eating all our pizza. 

-I just feel so accepted here, like I’m part of the family, you know? 

GET OUT

Speaking of furries, not even the cow will approach the fucking cowplant, jfc. I mean you’d expect some kind of kinship there but nop. Great job Jojo, you killed a dozen secret society members for a defective cowplant.

-Mooo :(

I don’t know which one of you did that but stfu, I can’t anymore with this flop ass household!!!1

ANYWAY back to Brit and Daniel, it seems like my Gunther concerns were baseless, since these two remain eternally into each other, always autonomously doing cute crap.

-Oh Daniel, let me serenade you with the song of your people!  

The kings made us drunk with fumes, peace among us, war to the tyrants! Let the armies go on strike, stocks in the air, and break ranks. If they insist, these cannibals on making heroes of us, they will know soon that our bullets are for our own generals  ♪

ROMANCE ISN’T DEAD

In other news, allow me to present you all with Melody’s personality panel. I was under the false impression that being the child of Wanda and Stephen she was.. nice?? But nop, total Union freak material! We hit the jackpot once again. Now her best friendship with bitch Brit makes total sense.

-Honestly girl, this janky ass house is such a step down from the sorority, I spend half the day thinking of ways to peace out.

-Ugh I know, I was on the fence at first but can you really put a price on good d?

-Aw, what are my beautiful hens cackling about? May I join?

-No.

-I was about to make a math joke but I doubt you gals would get it, amirite? As Barbie said, math is hard!

- I’m a literal math major.

-Oh I know, Mel, good for you! Affirmative action works wonders!

KILL HIM AND HIS HAREM WE DON’T NEED THE LAG

It’s another day in paradise. Daniel has finally cracked and gone full Komei, autonomously cleaning shit even though we have a maid..

Melody ate a ton of burnt grilled cheese and is non-stop throwing up..

AND THIS BULLSHIT IS STILL GOING ON. STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE

-What?? We’re just talking, GAWD

No you’re not “””just talking””” you’re gossiping and doing sexy whispers, I KNOW YOUR TRICKS GUNTHER-

-I don’t mean to interrupt but I think you’re focusing on the wrong issue here?

OH AM I?? DO TELL

-LOOK OUTSIDE BITCH

Nice try whores, nothing is happening outside-

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. WHAT. 

-That’s right, Ti-Ning and I are in love now!

............................FRAN THIS BETTER BE SOME DRY ASS BRITISH HUMOR 

-Nop! We got tired of waiting for Jojo and we decided the best way to handle it was to suddenly make out in front of him even tho we have never even flirted before!

THIS LITERALLY CANNOT BE HAPPENING

-Well it is, so best accept it and we can all move on :)

Oh yea certainly, I mean if anything Jojo is known for his ability to forgive and forget!

See the ghost of Ti-Ning indeed! Finally a wish Jojo and I share. 

TI-NING OMFG THIS LACK OF SHAME

-Haha!!! Finally I’m free to be as gross as I want >:) 

Well.. enjoy it while it lasts.

-The hell does that mean??

Nothing, just you know, none of us know when our time will come.. only that it will. The curse of human existence, one might say. Only we among the animal world know that we will die. Memento mori, Ti-Ning. And we will memento you. 

-..Yea, maybe it’s time I move out?

I mean, you can try..

..but like the curse from It Follows, it follows. It being Jojo. How you holding up boo?

-Oh, I’m great, can’t you tell?

You know what might help? Some of your beloved homework! Do something useful, get your mind off this stuff..

“Sending The First Human to Mercury and Leaving Him There: A Very Specific Space Exploration Proposal” 

-Jojό!! I’m writing about how I finally won your heart but please don’t look, I’m gonna read this at our wedding!

-Yea I literally couldn’t care less about you and your thoughts/feelings/etc, what was left of my heart is dead and gone and now there’s only a black hole there.. Oh we could also send Ti-Ning to a black hole if Mercury doesn’t work. Nice.

-UGH how are you even still alive and breathing the same air as me and not dead from shame like you should be, you vile adulteress???

-OH PLEASE you’re just mad cause Fran and I realized we can do better than your mega-jaw ass. If not for the endless supply of bubbles around here blurring our vision this would have happened weeks ago!

-I’m going to strangle you in your sleep and my jaw will be the last thing you see.

-Your jaw would be the last thing I saw even if I died on the moon.

-MAYBE YOU WILL

.....................well I guess it’s official then. And if the above didn’t seal it..

..this definitely did. God have mercy on me, what a shitshow.

While Tin and Fran are woohooing, Jojo attempts to end his troubles once and for all by running out of the house and into a thunder fire. Thankfully the rain puts it out quickly and all we’re left with is critically low hygiene. 

Man, serving Penguin teas! You have the entire look down, Jo. I’d tell you to audition for Gotham but that’s extremely bad career advice

-Oh god, I almost died!!!! 

Aw I know, but don’t worry you’re safe now <3

-No I mean I came so close but didn’t make it.. :(

Jojo please, if anything, live to kill Ti-Ning and Francis. You owe it to yourself.

As soon as Fran and Tin are done, guess who rushes in to gossip next to the bed. ISTG YOU ASSHOLES, BREAK IT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT THAT WINDOW

-Whatever, we’d just land on Jojo trying to set himself on fire.

-LOL oh Brit you’re so funny!

I HATE THIS HOUSE

-HAD FUN, DID WE YOU SLUT

-Get him, Jojό!

Honestly Wyatt, I get being supportive but I’m really starting to worry about you, even demeaning yourself has its limits..

..especially since Jojo continues to be a massive freakshow. Good lord.

-Oh Francis, don’t tell Wyatt cause you know how he gets, but your total disregard for my existence is making me see you in a whole new, hot, light..

Man, good thing Wyatt isn’t standing 3 steps away from you!

Oh yes, loving this dinner. An ocean between us..

-I wouldn’t eat that third slice if I was you, Ti-Ning. Your funeral day is fast approaching, don’t you want to look nice for it? 

-Well you’ll be there so it doesn’t matter, everyone will be looking at your jaw.

Yes, what a wonderful night. Now let’s all go to bed and hopefully everyone will have calmed down a little by tomorrow!

LMAO yea idk what I was thinking.

-Strangle me in my sleep? How about I strangle you in broad daylight???

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but.. poor Jojo. Not only did he get his ass beat, but to literally add insult to the injury-

-everyone is lusting after Gunther during his defeat. Jfc, I’d want to set myself on fire too.

Oh here we go, Gunther to the rescue! 

-How dare you beat up my brother even though he attacked you first? Prepare to die!

-Whatever, I’ve been preparing for that for the last couple days!

Aw, Gunther is such a good brother/giant loser depending on the outcome of this fight.

VINDICATION. Bravo, Gunther, defending our non-existent family honor!

Daniel, in true Daniel fashion, slept through this entire shitshow, which might be the smartest thing he’s ever done.

Oop, spoke too soon. Say what you want about Gunther and Daniel but man do they both love Jojo! Truly god knows why.

-So Brit, you’re studying poli-sci, can you think of a peaceful resolution to this? Haha!

-YOU STFU TI-NING MY FINALS ARE TODAY MY GPA IS ALREADY IN THE TOILET AND NOW IM GONNA FLOP CAUSE YOU ASSHOLES SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT FUCKING AND THE WHOLE DAY FIGHTING AND I HAVEN’T SLEPT AT ALL DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL I’M GONNA BURN THIS PLACE TO THE FUCKING GROUND IF YOU TRY ME

Well, you might not need to Brit! WHAT IS UP WITH THIS HYPER-FLAMMABLE CACTUS

Brit returns from her finals with a free pizza! How’d you do, Brit?

-Saved by the nightie again!

NOICE. Got a freebie pizza from it too?

-No, I found it in the garbage. My gift to Francis and Ti-Ning for their 3 day anniversary! 

Jojo’s official greek house portrait coming along nicely! Wow he looks very majestic..

..Instagram vs Real Life.

-Bowling is so satisfying if you pretend the pins are your former lovers’ genitals!

Whatever coping method works for you boo!

Gunther and Ti-Ning are officially enemies which is hilarious because not even Jojo is enemies with him?? Follow your bliss, Guns!

In an impressive display of brotherly synchronicity we have double slapping across the room. Double the slapping for half the time, Jojo is as always a true capitalist.

JOJO!! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WON! So proud of my baby <3 I’m ofc kidding, this shit has gotten old really fast and I extremely feel Brit watching uninterested. ENOUGH  

HARD MOOD. Brit is honestly on another level than the rest of us basics. What an icon.

For some reason I bothered to fulfill Ti-Ning’s want to learn that relationship maintenance or w/e lifetime skill (talk about money down the drain) and the irony of this pop up text almost sent me to an early grave. And we know who’s going to an early grave today..

IT’S CAKE TIME. REACH OUT, TI-NING. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT

FINALLY. GOODBYE FIGHTING AND INSANE LAG

JESUS JOJO. STONE. COLD.

Ice Cube would like to say, that I'm a crazy muthafucka from around the way, since I was a youth, I smoked weed out, now I'm the muthafucka that ya read about, takin' a life or two, that's what the hell I do, you don't like how I'm livin well fuck you ♪

Wyatt and Brit were on their way to react to Ti-Ning’s little accident but somehow got sidetracked and are now randomly arguing on the porch. Honestly I don’t even know what’s going on anymore, I’ve lost all control of this household.

Jojo rushes over to celebrate Ti-Ning’s demise by immediately slapping the shit out of his grieving lover! Whenever you think we can’t possibly sink any lower, think again. Like right now, after the slapping, are you thinking we can’t sink any lower?????????????????????????????

THINK. AGAIN.

ARE YOU SCREAMING? CAUSE I DID

YUP THIS IS HAPPENING

IT’S REAL

IT’S. REAL. THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH CURSE WORDS IN ANY LANGUAGE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS

FUCK YOU FRANCIS. FUCK. YOU. YOU’RE GETTING MURDERED SO FUCKING HARD YOU UNBELIEVABLE ASSHOLE. I’M FUCKING DONE. JOJO YOU’RE GONNA DIE ALONE TIME FOR ALL OF US TO ACCEPT THAT REALITY. WE STARTED OUT WITH 3 CANDIDATES AND ENDED UP HERE. HOW THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN FRANCIS AND WYATT HAVE. 1 BOLT. ONE. WYATT IS A FAMILY SIM I’M SO PISSED OFF I NEED TO TAKE A MOMENT

OK. In my 10 years of playing I have never wanted to quit without saving more than with this bullshit. Look at fucking Fran’s smug ass face and moron Wyatt putting on an Oscar worthy performance of shock and regret. YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID NO, YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE HOME WYATT. What the FUCK are we gonna do now???? I guess good thing Max Flexor survived the cage of death. GOD.DAMMIT

[vettechnicallynotyet]

So this Hamster comes in...

Alright. Ok. So this little thing comes in presenting for wet tail. And I don’t mean campylobacter wet tail I mean literally wet tail. And some other symptom I can’t seem to recall.

This thing’s name is Fairy (not really, but anonymity–this is close enough). She’s owned by a little girl and a mother. She’s timid, and not used to being held very much.

I like rodents, don’t get me wrong.

But.

It’s a hamster.

Whatever we try to do to her is going to be a shitshow.

Alright. Time to get a weight.

Hammy is in a tissue box. This is fair. I wouldn’t think most young girl and mother ham ham owners have carriers for their little things.

I need to weigh the ham. I reach in to grab her and she shoots out like a rocket and I catch her to my chest. Luckily mom and kiddo are distracted because children. Ham is weighed, not dropped. Phase 1 accomplished.

Now onto phase 2: the exam.

Oh geez. I want to scruff little hammy, but the little girl is already freaking out,“no don’t hurt Fairy!”

“No, we’re not hurting her, it’s just an exam–”

Ham begins to screech, much like a ring wraith.

The doctor and I glance nervously as the ham continues to demand the One Ring and the little girl loses her shit and begins to sob hysterically.

Oh golly guys.

At this point, my hands that are trying to restrain the Ham, are thoroughly in the way, so I give the hobbit-seeking Ham to the doctor.

Doctor is bit not 3 seconds later.

OH BALLS WE GAVE HAMHAM A TASTE FOR HUMAN FLESH

Dr laughs it off, and we gather fecal matter to do poop tests and exit the exam room. The doctor turns to me, serious look in her eyes.

“Turd bit me real good.”

I look and there is a decent amount of blood coming from a tiny ham bite. Oh boy how exciting. Sure am glad I could have avoided that by restraining hamtaro better for the doctor.

Ifailedyoudoc.jpg

While we wait for stool tests to shit out some results, doc wants fluids for Fairy.

Oh ok yeah sure no prob bob anything you want no problemo get that taken care of right now gonna do it so good give that ham some fluids into its tiny 70 gram body definitely doable no issues will arise it’s gonna get done.

Ham is collected and as I turn to leave the exam room, little girl remarks, “please don’t hurt Fairy…”

Every fiber of my being is set on edge and my adrenal glands are rapidly firing off into my bloodstream, my heart is attempting to launch out of my rib cage, because that, my dear friends, is what is known as a death flag.

“We’ll take good care of her.” I say as reassuringly as possible.

DAMMIT I RAISED A SECOND DEATH FLAG

Thisisfine.avi

Hamstastic is now in the treatment area and I have fluids drawn up. All 5mL of them.

“Who wants to help me give fluids?”

A coworker steps up. “To what?”

“A Hamster.”

“Shit. Really?”

“Yeah. Why do you say that?”

His eyebrows raise so high they practically levitate off his forehead. “Because it’s a hamster.”

“Yeah, and?”

“It’s a hamster. They always bite.”

“Not always! This one’s…uh. Ok yeah this one bit the doc. Wanna hold or give fluids?”

He glares at me as I try to grin reassuringly.

Hold onto your hats folks. It begins.

Coworker grabs ham. So far so good. He tries to restrain, that doesn’t look right–aaaaand coworker is bit. His bite wound is gushing blood and the ham skitters across the counter and he grabs her, smearing blood onto the ham.

Whydowekeepfeedingthisthing.gif

Nooooo that’s going to look so bad! Images of handing a bloody ham back to the little girl flash through my mind with a “well at least it’s not her blood, right?”

Coworker gets ham restrained back in hand, another coworker cleans ham face with hydrogen peroxide. Ok then aaand there’s blood around the eye. It looks like Hamham has turned my coworker’s blood into war paint.

Ring Wraith Ham has reengaged and the decibels being put out far exceed what a Hammy should be able to expel. To further emphasize how pissed she is, and how much she’ll fuck us up, her mouth opens wide, seemingly unhinging as she beckons us to continue with our procedures and bring her the hobbits.

We give her fluids.

The dark deed is done.

And she’s not dead. Death flags avoided!

Ham is handed back to owners and they leave.

Well, they would have, except Ham had learned how to leap out of the tissue box, so I offered to tape a tissue over the hole to act as a cover. It worked for all of two seconds and then–

Remember that scene from Alien? You know what I’m talking about.

That Ham came tearing through that tissue paper like flesh and nearly off the reception desk. I think everyone in the room had multiple heart attacks (sans little girl, who was distracted. This is good.) as the mom caught the hammy.

After that, they left and I was at some ease.

“I think that Ham has Campylobacter.” The doctor whizzes past me to go do paperwork.

Well crap.

I’m glad little Ham was still alive at the end, even if there were casualties. I’m thinking since Ham was still eating and drinking normally, we might have caught her illness quickly enough.

On another note, her stool sample was weird. Like, she had all sorts of bacteria, motile rods, cysts, possible coccidia, and other things I can’t describe.